#the movement is only getting louder dont let anyone tell you different

[greencarnation]

spotted on my way to the bus stop this morning ... i've never seen anything overtly pro palestinian in my little village before. in our thousands in our millions!

[sorrybutthisonestaken]

The one and only spider-woman

Ok let's start this from the beginning. And I mean the very beginning.

My name is Noa O'Hara. I know what you're thinking. He wasn't the Miguel you're thinking of. My universe is number 2023. Pretty different from his isn't it.

For the past year I have been the one and only spider woman. At least in my universe. I was bitten by a radioactive spider that gave me freaky powers and now I'm here. I think you know the rest.

I made a suit. Got a job. It's at a Cafe not the stereotypical photographer at the fault bugle. My dad got a raise at his job at the NYPD precinct. Everything was going great! Until the one time it didn't.

My tío Gabriel died in a confrontation against some guy trying to start a shootout at a mall. He, the good samaritan, tried to help and consequently got hurt. Seriously hurt. I tried to get him to help but he died right in my arms.

Something I learned very quickly is you can't save everyone when you play superhero. There is always gonna be someone you didn't see, didn't catch, didn't block. It's a curse that I have learned to live with. The guilt weighs heavy.

Worst thing is my dad holds me responsible…kind of. He saw the security footage of me trying to save my tío, but the anger phase of his grieving process still haunts me sometimes. I wonder, if tio hadn't died, would I have the confidence to tell papà? Maybe I would, but I can't concentrate on the what ifs.

My window barely makes a creek as I sneak my way in. The red light from my alarm clock illuminates the room just enough for me to not trip and fall on my ass. I quickly change out of my suit and into my pyjamas. It's a hassle with how tight the material is but I can manage.

My feet pad silently across the cold tile as I make my way to the kitchen. The door to dad's room is closed, so I don't have to worry about walking him. He's a deep sleeper most days anyways.

I'm halfway done serving myself a bowl of coco puffs when the light turns on and I cringe. The excess light hurts my eyes as I spin in a circle to find the culprit. Papà.

"A little late for a snack don't you think?" He Gruffs, his voice still hoarse from sleep. I sigh at the prospect of being caught, but then again I should have thought higher of the soon to be captain of the police force.

"Perdoname papà, I didn't mean to wake you" I apologize. I dont worry about the fact that I am awake or getting something to eat since he does this himself a lot too. My back turns to him as I continue doing what I started in the dark.

I hear him let out a sigh before the sound of his footsteps approaching fills the room. He leans against the counter beside me silently for a second.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks casually. It's a good attempt to make me open up. It would work on anyone else. But I'm not just anybody, at least not anymore.

"About what papà?" I shoot back without a glance. He can read me like an open book and if our eyes meet I'm done for. He knows this. I know this. Anyone that knows us knows this.

"Why you're up late?"

"Couldn't sleep"

"Anything bothering you?"

"Not at the moment no"

"Preciosa"

My movements halt with a clang of my spoon. He knows something has been up even before tio Gabriel's accident, he just can't tell what. Never before have we been this distante and it's killing the both of us really.

"Nothing's really wrong Papà. I'm just having a hard time sleeping that's all"

A hand squeezes my shoulder lightly and I turn my head to face him. He has that comforting look in his eyes, that soft smile he always gives me, and in general he just radiates comfort to me. It allows my walls to crack only slightly and I find myself hugging him not two seconds later.

"Sabes que me puedes decir lo que sea verdad?" He confirms, to which I nod my head.

"Ya se Papà. Y te lo voy a decir algún día, pero ahorita … no se como". The words escape no louder than a whisper, but he hears it all the same. I can tell by the way his arms tighten around me, but I don't very much care.

However somewhere in a universe far far away, a man watches through a screen. A frown deep set in his brow as the screen displays the scene. His red eyes ignorant to his own variant, and trained instead on the girl much like the one he lost all those years ago. He knows it's not her, but he can't help but imagine for a little longer.

"You haven't been out all morning since you checked this universe" a woman by the name of Lyla remarks, "your alright there boss?

A sigh escapes his lips before an automatic "I'm fine" tumbles out. The panel shuts off on command as he turns toward the hologram. "This kid completed a cannon event last year. Just making sure she's still on schedule for the next one" he excuses. His hand rubs over his face.

"When is her next one?" The woman asks hesitantly. It's the one thing she doesn't like about the job, having to hear about these kids loosing so much so quickly and so young.

"In about another year maybe, other minor ones might jump in first"

Miguel 2099 turns away from the displays entirely. With a tell tail thwip, he swings off the platform and down to the main floor. His head riddled with thoughts.

No, he schools himself, he won't allow himself to get attached. He has already lost his daughter twice does he really want to go for a third? No way. He won't let it happen.

And yet when he returns to his station later that night, an empanada less hungry now, he can't stop himself. He searches for the universe he discovered earlier and just watches. He can't stop himself from watching.

Translations:

Tio: uncle

Papà: dad

Perdoname papà: forgive me dad/sorry dad

Preciosa: precious

Sabes que me puedes decir lo que sea verdad: you know you can tell me anything right

Ya se Papà. Y te lo voy a decir algún día, pero ahorita … no se como: I know dad. And I will tell you one Day, but right now...I don't know how

[writing-in-april]

Poker Face

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader thought she could get away with speaking her desires out loud as long as they were in a different language. Turns out, someone could understand her.

A/N: Hey guys! This is my fourth fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! I got this request from @imagining-in-the-margins and if you want to see the original request go checkout my follower celebration Masterlist! I do not speak Russian, nor do I know someone who does so I made everything in italics as if they were speaking in Russian! Hope y’all enjoy reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Public sex (who’s surprised lmao), Reader is very unprofessional and probably should be fired lmao, Dom Spencer with hints of Sub Spencer in the future (dont worry all my Sub Spencer lovers I’ve got more coming for that soon!), Nickname use: Princess, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral sex (M receiving),Creampie

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Words in italics are in Russian

There was no harm in voicing my thoughts I thought to myself, in a different language, Russian specifically. Especially since the only one that could understand me wasn’t near me at the moment nor would she probably bat an eye at a slightly risqué remark. Emily was snuggled up at the other end of the jet, her headphones in both of her ears. They would plug up any sound around her preventing her from translating the lusty thought that sat on my lips.

If I said my thoughts in Russian, no one would be able to catch how much I wanted Spencer’s fingers inside me. They were long, obviously dexterous- I knew they’d be able to reach places inside me that I couldn’t reach myself. I couldn’t say these thoughts out loud, in English at least,

I didn’t want Spencer to ever know. But, I wanted to get the thoughts swirling in my head off my chest, the only way to do that without embarrassment was to say it in a way that no one here would be able to understand.

As Spencer shuffled with ease and delt the cards out with his dexterous fingers my lusty thoughts were too pressing for my lips to be able to contain. So I spoke quickly with my voice slightly lowered, maybe Spencer and the people around me would miss my transition into a different language, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

Spencer blinked back at me, obviously confused by my words.

“Sorry, just spaced out for a second, didn’t realize I had switched to Russian.” I giggled out, mostly because I was amazed that I had gotten away with it. I moved on quickly not wanting to linger on my ‘slip up’ any longer, plus I finally wanted to try and play against Spencer in a poker game, “Let’s see if your poker face is as good as everyone says it is, Spencer.”

—-

“Please, fuck me?” Over the course of my daring adventures I had become increasingly louder with my declarations. Last week I had commented about how much I wanted his cock in my mouth, of course in Russian and the week before that I had made my initial comment about how much I wanted his fingers inside me.

This one happened to be the loudest out of the three little sentences that seemed like innocent slips into another language to everyone else, but to me and only to me I was voicing my desires. Each time I did it a little rush of adrenaline sparked through me, no one besides Emily would be able to translate, who wasn’t with me in the file room. It was only Spencer and I in here right now, the rest of the team had gone home for the night.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do that at the office, but if you asked me again somewhere else I’d do it.” He answered me back and in perfect Russian as well.

My entire being withered in embarrassment as soon as I had translated Spencer’s words, he understood me. He had understood all of what I had said, every last word. I should’ve remembered that he spoke Russian, we had a case where he spent the whole time translating, I couldn’t believe how idiotic I had been. I wanted the earth to swallow me up in that moment, just so I could escape Spencer’s piercing gaze. I couldn’t tell from his words or the look on his face what exactly he was feeling about my words, some profiler I was. He didn’t seem angry at least, maybe a bit bemused?

I shrank back a little more over fear if he was making fun of me or not. If I hadn’t been feeling so mortified I would’ve realized that Spencer wasn’t one to make fun of anyone, hindsight is 20/20 after all.

“Your poker face is spot on.” Was the only measly response that I could find myself to come up with, in an attempt to cover my embarrassment if only a little bit. A bunch of apologies also felt like they were crawling up my throat. I was absolutely mortified that I had been caught red handed, it was beyond unprofessional- I don’t think there was even a word for it. I had crossed the line so far I might as well have leaped over it, forgetting that it had ever existed.

“Well- I am from Vegas and before you start apologizing, you don’t need to. I liked it.”

Silence fell between us again after his smart remark. It was like we were sizing each other up, deciding what to do.

“You know- there’s no one here tonight, everyone’s gone home…” My confidence seemingly had come back after being knocked down a few pegs. I tapped my fingers absentmindedly on the large desk in the file room, my mind wandering to think about what it would be like if he bent me over it.

“That’s true.” A smirk was on his face now, one that I didn’t see often from him. I felt like I was going to be ensnared by him as soon as I took the time to blink.

Sure enough in a flash he had brought me into a bruising kiss that I got swallowed up by so fast there was no chance for me to try and win back any dominance.

In no time he had me bent over the table, my face pressed into the cool silver metal with my back arching up trying to reach his touch in any way I could. He gripped the waistband of my skirt roughly, but did not pull it down right away. He pulled my skirt down ever so slowly that by the time it reached the floor I impatiently wiggled to step out of it.

“You’re impatient.” He stated simply. I couldn’t deny it because of how true it was, all he’d have to do was pull my black lace panties off to see how wet I had become.

Instead I decided to lean in on how needy and impatient I was by whining out, “Spencerrr, please?”

“What do you want? Is it the same thing you said to me on the plane?” He pressed a kiss to my hip as he pulled down my panties just as slowly as he had done with my skirt, making me squirm again. Once I was bare from the waist down before him he paused for a moment to look at me; I withered a little under his gaze. I whined again when he carefully took his long fingers to just slightly part my folds before speaking again, “Tell me.”

I hesitated a little for a moment trying to focus to remember exactly what I had said on the plane. When I had collected my thoughts I whispered out in Russian, much more shaky than I had said on the plane, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

He was seemingly satisfied by my breathless reply, immediately beginning to work me up to orgasm. As he started to work his fingers inside of me he pressed his other hand down on the small of my back, a silent warning to not move.

I contemplated disobeying him, but when two of his fingers curled inside me to perfectly hit my g-spot it felt too good to lose.

“You gonna cum so quick for me, princess?” I got even wetter when he said princess like that, in Russian made me get even wetter than I already was. I was practically dripping down my thighs- and Spencer’s fingers.

“Yes! I’m gonna cum soon!” I gasped out and tried in vain to wriggle my hips to gain more friction, his hand on my back however was unyielding.

“Ask nicely and I might let you.”

“Please?!” I even asked it in Russian to make the plea possibly better in Spencer’s eyes. He didn’t respond right away, only picking up his pace faster. I tried to hold off my orgasm as best as I could, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to hold it. “Please, sir?”

“Alright, since you asked so nicely. You can cum, princess.”

I gave up the fight of holding off my orgasm, it immediately washed over me. My legs shook with the force of how hard and fast my orgasm shot through me, causing me to cry out as well.

Once I had come down from my high I slid off the table and down to my knees to repeat what I had said while at the round table a week ago “I want your cock in my mouth.”

He looked at me with wild eyes and obliged me, letting his cock free from his slacks. My mouth watered at the sight of him, his tip was bright red and dripping with precum. He had obviously not been the only one to be turned on.

As I grasped him in my hands and jerked him slowly I relished in the way he felt in my hand. He felt hot and heavy, I couldn’t wait to take him into my mouth.

I wrapped my lips around his tip, sucking lightly. Spencer’s head tipped backwards, his hands curled into fists as if he was trying to prevent himself from grabbing my hair to fuck my face. Little did he know that was exactly what I wanted.

When I guided one of his hands to the back of my hair to reassure him that I didn’t mind if he took control that way he almost let out a groan, but successfully stifled it by biting into his other fist. He then fisted my hair harder, wrapping his hand around so tight that tears prickled a bit in my eyes. It wasn’t a bad feeling at all, I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it even more when he started to use his hand to guide my head up and down. He set the pace to the one he desired. It wasn’t too fast or hard, it was actually quite slow. He dragged out each of my movements and when my nose nuzzled at the base of his cock he had me stay there for a moment each time. Each time I gagged a little on him he let out an almost whine, it made me wonder whether or not he’d look good underneath me as well. Though I was thoroughly content with being underneath him at this time.

Even though I had already had one orgasm the tingling between my thighs was not satiated, looking up at Spencer’s blissed out face only served to make me even more turned on.

“Stop.” I blinked up at him like he had done so at me on the jet, confused. I pulled off of his cock, a slight pop echoed in the air. He then lifted me up onto the table with my legs wrapped around his waist before I could ask him why he wanted for me to stop.

“Now what was that last thing you said to me? I want you to ask me again. ” His cock was running up and down my folds teasing me. My head fell back and I moaned when he bumped my clit.

“Please, fuck me?” My breathless voice sounded wrecked already.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” As he slid into me my eyes rolled back into my head as he slid into me. His pace was faster this time than what he had done while fucking my face. I was squirming with overstimulation and my orgasm was going to come ridiculously fast. Spencer could sense it too and brought his hand down to my clit to bring me over my peak even faster.

“You can cum again, princess.” My second orgasm was much longer than my first. It sparked through me slowly, almost in waves that felt like they had multiple peaks.

He too, was not that far behind me. When he tried to pull out to probably cum all over the tops of my thighs I kept him locked in place with my legs around my waist and asked, “Cum inside me?”

He obliged me with a groan pumping into me a few more times before spilling inside me. We were both slick with sweat, making me wish for a shower. As soon as I got cleaned up that would be the first thing I’d be doing when I bolted home. Maybe I could bring Spencer along for another round, I could hear him speak Russian to me all day.

“I’ll go get something to clean you up.” He spoke softly as if he was afraid I’d break, you’d think after the way he had fucked me that he’d realized I was not so breakable. I’d have to fix that later. As I sat there with his cum dribbling down my thighs waiting for him to return , mixing with my own I knew that I’d never underestimate Spencer’s poker face again.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM:

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

Dom Spencer:

@rainsong01

[seancekitsch]

pizzatarian: a Diego Hargreeves x reader fic

Warnings: a lil toxic if you squint but not really, mentions of violence, no smut actually, self deprecating shit, high key based on ‘your honor’ by regina spektor, david even called diego a sobby fuckboy and thats what he is

You don't exactly flinch when you hear the jingling of keys, or the struggling noises on the other side of your front door at two in the morning. It’s just Diego. Diego who had a key to your apartment but didn't call you his girlfriend by the light of day. Diego that basically lived here but you have never seen where he actually lives. Diego who once he finally has the key in the door and is turning the lock comes stumbling in. You can hear the thudding of his boots grow louder down the hall as he reaches your bedroom, where you've been up reading, a cardigan draped over you as you fight insomnia. You try to beat him to the door, putting your book aside and jumping up, but before your hand can reach the handle, he’s pushing it open, quickly guiding his way through to your form, cutting off any questions you might have. You sink into the kiss, plump lips warm and inviting as always, kissing you with force that makes your brain fuzzy. Your arms instinctively come up around his shoulders, but you don't miss the way he flinches at your touch. Somethings off, but you push the thought from your mind as your tongue darts out of your mouth, ready to be welcomed into Diego’s mouth. But then you taste copper. Warm, slick copper. Blood.

“Diego,” you try to get his attention, but he’s adamant to keep his lips on you. So you push, hands coming to find his chest and push against him, at least enough to get an answer out of him. You fight his grasp, pulling your face away from his as his lips chase yours.

“Diego, wait, Diego stop,” you push him away, at arm's length when you finally get a good look at him. He’s got a split lip, the beginnings of a black eye which bloomed near his cheek bone and ended near his brow.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

“There was… a fight,” he offers, way more nonchalant than you want him to be right now. He lets you go, but stays close. He’s caught and he knows it.

“A fight about goddamn what, Diego?” your voice comes out strained, exasperated.

“I’ve been fighting for your honor, babe,” he offers to you, almost slurring from a hit to the mouth, but then adds, “You wouldn’t understand.” when he sees your puzzled face. Babe. That’s funny. Not the first time he’s called you babe, but it feels facetious coming from his lips. You would understand if it was just another boxing match, you would understand if it was bullshit having to do with that family he’s never introduced you to. But to somehow be fighting for your honor was alien, dishonest of him to say. Now, you know Diego is a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them. He’s holding out on you, holding back. So if he didn't want to tell you, why was he even here?

“I don't understand? You’re right, I don't,” and then, fuck. You realise what this is. He’s asking for help, showing vulnerability in his own little messed up way.

You sigh, deeply, crossing the floor in front of him.

“Hold on, your honor,” you snort, the ghost of an affectionate smile on your face, “I’ll get ice for your hands.”

If he was going to come up with some bullshit line like your honor, you were going to at least patch him up and give him the couch treatment. He doesn’t get bed privileges for bullshit excuses of kissing you with bloody mouth, you decide.

The walk to your kitchen in the dark is something you have memorized, the fuzzy blacks and greys of your apartment shaping into the furniture and corners you know by daylight. How different they are, shapes and their familiarity based on your perception of them. Your sock clad feet trace steps ghosted over by months of bumping around for midnight water, for candles during storms, for late night snacking. Your hands reach out, and meet the handle of the freezer mechanically, wrenching it open and fumbling for an ice pack or something frozen to help him. Your hands find a box that will do, just before you hear heavy steps following your path.

Diego grabs you by the hips from behind, but not harshly. You feel him wrap his body around you, molding to your form as his head dips and nuzzles against your hair, sighing as he lets himself enjoy the feeling of you.

“C’mon, baby,” he whispers, almost a moan, “Let’s just make love. Let's make love and go to bed. It’s the only thing that’ll make me feel better right now.”

Like hell it is. For someone who won't call you his girlfriend, Diego is a hopeless romantic, and has been the entire time you’ve been doing whatever it is you'd describe this arrangement as.

“Nope,” you say, popping the ‘p’ as you continue, “I don’t kiss people that lose fights.”

He scoffs, sounding legitimately offended.

“Lose fights? Baby, I won the fight. C’mon let’s just get you out of that sweater.”

He pulls the cardigan off of one of your shoulders, exposing you to the chill and his warm hand, immediately making you try to shrug it back up to its original location. This isn’t how tonight is going to go.

“Well, I don't kiss winners either,” you pull the box out of the freezer and close it, still not turning around to face him, “Instead you're making me play nurse.”

“I- I can leave. If y-you dont want me to be here.” he deflates, playful tone leaving, but he doesn't back away. You sigh, deeply.

“No, Diego that's not what I mean. But I’m not rewarding you for this. I don't fight for honor.”

You don't, and you wouldn't; and he shouldn't fight for yours. He shouldn't waste his energy on just a fling.

“So, nurse,” he’s back to joking, “What’s my charge? Gargle with peroxide? A steak for my eye?”

You laugh, actually laugh, and turn to face him, finally. You hold up the box in your hand, and he takes it.

“I’m a vegetarian, remember? It’s a frozen pizza pie.”

He laughs, and accepts it gratefully, looking like an idiot holding the pizza up to his face. You tell him to follow you, and lead him in the darkness to the couch, letting him sit and spread out, legs wide. You opt to perch on the cushion farthest from him, letting him own the space as it’s about to be his bed for the night. His hand that isn’t holding the pizza to his black eye brushes the back of the couch, reaching for you in the darkness. You pick at the fleece of your cardigan, white as snow. You’re lucky he didn’t manage to taint it with his blood, you think, but then dismiss the thought. Staining the cardigan and letting him ruin it would be fitting at this point.

“It’s because I care,” his voice comes out in little more than a whisper. You don’t say anything, hoping he’ll continue.

“It’s because I care about you. I don’t want anyone to get that twisted.”

You really hope his good eye can’t see how wide your eyes are right now, your eyebrows finding a new home in your hairline.

“Diego you— You don’t have to,” fuck, how do you say this? Your hands run through your hair, lip trembling in a way you don’t understand, “You don’t have to defend me, or anything like that.”

He turns to face you, whole body turning with the movement as he hikes a knee up onto the couch.

“You got me, or… whatever this shit is,” you sigh again, the weight of these words hard to pronounce on your tired tongue, “but it’s not like you've asked me to be your girlfriend or anything special. I’m like a common ho, a bootycall that you sometimes get brunch with, Diego.”

His hand along the back of the couch reaches for your hand, and your instincts tell you to rip your hand away from him, but you don’t. You let him hold your hand, let his fingers cage your own and hold them tight. Let your palms fit against each other.

“Just…” your mouth is trembling again, and you wish it fucking wasn’t. “Don’t get cut or anything for me, because it’s not going to change anything. I still won’t be a saint. Don’t be out there fighting for my honor when you haven’t made it yours to defend.”

Even in the dark you can see your words hit him like a freight train, and you wish you hadn’t opened your stupid fucking mouth. You wish you hadn’t been angry at Diego. You wish you had something better than a stupid fucking pizza for him to be holding against his face right now. He moves closer to where you’re sat curled in the corner, makes sure his thigh is brushed up and nestled under your calves. If you want to, you can rest on him. If you want to, you can be sitting in his lap.

“Y-you wanna know why I was fighting, baby?” he's deadly serious. “Because you’re worth it. You don’t need to be a saint. You’re my little pizzatarian that makes me hold deep dish against a black eye.”

You laugh, watery and trembling, and you let your legs relax against his.

“I w-want you to be my g-girlfriend. I want to fight everyone in the city with my bare hands if it means I get to be y-yours.” his voice sounds just as shaky as yours now. “Y-you know I love you, R-right?”

He loves you. You believe him. Diego Hargreeves is a lot of things, but he’s not a liar. You nod, not bothering to ask for clarity, or why he thinks you’re worth it. You just nod. He releases your hand, and uses it to pull you in against his chest. He lets you re-adjust to curl up and fit into his lap. Like it was made for you. You stay like that in the dark, resolving to reinstate his bed privileges.

“Let’s go to bed, Diego.”

You can feel him nod against you. He waits for you to get up, your hand outstretched and waiting for him as he rises to his feet with a groan. You walk by his side until you reach the threshold, and then stop.

“What is it?”

“You get comfy, your honor, I’ll be in there in a minute.”

[twoidiotwriters1]

Iron 8 (Peter Parker x F!Oc)

A/N: I don't know if anyone got confused, I noticed it late, lol, but the actress that I take as Lily's reference will always be Mackenzie foy, Lily Collins is Jessica. Ok enjoy -Val

Warnings: panic attack, child abuse.

Words: 2, 944

Masterlist:

Chapter 7 / Chapter 9

"Please, answer,” Jess groans, her phone against her ear and with the emergency number sheet in her other hand.

"Who is it and why do you have my number?" Tony answers.

“Mr. Stark,” She sighs. “Thank God! I'm Jessica, Lily's babysitter,” Tony frowns when he hears the girl.

"What's going on?" He checks the clock in his room, calculating the time difference. It should be one in the morning there.

“I'm not sure, sir— We were sleeping and I heard her screaming. I-I thought she was having a nightmare,” She stops, controlling her breathing. “She was sweating and screaming. I tried to help her, but she ran away and—”

"Okay, you have to breathe. Where’s Lily?"

"She went down to the workshop, J.A.R.V.I.S won't let me in and says that her temperature is very high.”

Tony sighs, since Lily told him about the nightmares, he’d never been around and now he thinks that maybe their argument has something to do with it.

"Okay. Go to the workshop and put me on speaker.”

Jess takes the phone and obeys.

“Done."

"J.A.R.V.I.S, grant access to..."

“Jessica,” She adds.

"Access conceived,” answers the AI.

Jessica opens the door and is about to look for Lily, but Tony's voice stops her.

"Find her, leave the phone near her and get out of there.”

"What? What if she needs medical help?" She says deactivating the speaker. "Sir, something else happened when I tried to touch her, I’m afraid she’s hurt…”

"Trust me, she's not," He answers, seeing another small screen that is holding in his hand, projecting the girl's vital signs. "Do it.”

Tony hears movement. Jess sees the bulge under one of the cars and puts the phone on the ground, activates the speaker, and walks away from her.

"Kid?"

Lily knew Jess had found her, but hearing her father's voice makes her jump. She slowly turns around looking at the phone on the floor.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend you're listening to me,” He sits on the bed. "A nightmare, huh? I thought you hadn't had one for a long time,” He waits a few seconds, but gets no response.

Lily hugs her legs tighter. Tony sighs.

"Kid, come on, tell me something. Shows signs of life. I just want to help you…”

"I hurt her,” She says in a small voice.

"What?"

"I hurt Jess,” She says louder.

"It was not your intention, kid,” Tony answers.

“But I still did. I didn't want to, I'm sorry,” She says between sobs. Tony closes his eyes not knowing what to do. He’s about to call Pepper, but he remembers how stressed she has been since they arrived.

“It wasn't my intention. I didn't want to hurt anyone. It was the same with my mother and she left me. I don't want Jess to leave me,” She continues. She feels a strong pain in her chest.

"She won't go away—”

“You don't know that. She was scared. She has blisters and her hand was all red,” She cries. “I’m a monster!”

“Okay, this is what we’ll do, Lily. Where are you?”

"What?"

"Tell me where you are.”

"Under the blue car,” She frowns.

Tony ignores the fear that runs through his body with the possibility that the car might react badly to the high temperature.

"Get out of there. I need to hear you better.”

"I dont want to go outside…”

“Do what I tell you, please. I know what’s happening to you and it’s better if you get out of there.”

She obeys, grabs the phone with her shaking hands as she leans on one of the car's tires.

"And now?"

“I want you to do exactly what I tell you. Can do it?"

"I don’t know.”

“Yes you can, come on. You’ll breathe with me, it's simple. When I tell you one, inhale, and two, exhale slowly. We’ll do it together.”

"I don’t think that-"

“One," Tony interrupts and inhales making an exaggerated noise so that Lily knows what he's doing. There's no other option but to imitate it. “Two…”

They did so five more times. The pain in the girl's chest subsides and her shoulders relax.

“You're better?"

"Yes," She answers hoarsely.

"Okay. The nightmare. Do you wanna tell me?"

She bites the inside of her cheek and hugs her legs again.

“You'll feel better if you tell me.”

"How do you know?" She frowns.

"It has happened to me.”

"When?"

"When my parents— that's not important,” He checks his watch. He knows that Pepper is about to come in to urge him about dinner, lunch, or whatever they have planned.

Lily sighs.

“I was in a white room,” She says slowly. “I had a straitjacket, like the one they put on crazy people in the movies. No one was coming for me and I tried to scream, but I-I wanted to use my hands, nothing worked… You weren't there to help, or Happy, or Pepper, or Rhodey. I was alone…”

‘Why can’t she have nightmares about normal monsters in her closet…’ Tony thinks.

“Why aren’t you here?" Lily sobs. Tony feels an emptiness in his chest, he’d never felt that way before.

“Maybe you can't see me, Flower. But I’m there. I’m listening to you.”

"But I want to see you. I… I miss you, daddy."

"I miss you too, Flower,” He sighs. “I'm sorry for what I told you before I left. I wish you were here. At least it’d be more fun. I'm sick of hearing people ask me about the suit. One of them asked me why I’d chosen those colors as if they were the worst choice!”

"I chose them!” She answers offended. Tony smiles.

"I know. I like it like that.”

“Well, you could make another one blue. I also like blue,” She comments, looking at the other armor prototypes that are in the back of the workshop.

Tony can't help laughing.

"I'll think about it," He clears his throat. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes, but,” She wipes her nose. "What will happen to Jess? I don't want another babysitter.”

“I'll talk to her, but I can assure you that she’s more concerned about you than she is about herself.”

"Really?"

"She called me.”

Tony's bedroom door opens, but before Pepper can say anything to him, Tony points to the phone, gets out of bed, and walks away from the redhead.

“Dad?"

"Yes, Flower?" He says remarking the words for Pepper to understand. The redhead frowns.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you before you left. I just wanted to spend more time with you…”

"I understand, but you know that we can’t risk it.”

“Okay…”

"Hey, I have to go. Pepper's face is redder than my armor.”

For the first time in all that time, Lily laughs.

"It's fine.”

"See ya ', kiddo.”

"Goodbye, Dad.”

Lily hangs up. She hears footsteps approaching.

"Hi," Jess says sitting across from her.

"I'm sorry I hurt you,” whispers the girl.

"Are you okay?" Jess asks.

"I'm better.”

"Do you want to go up?"

"Won't you go? Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Why would I be afraid of my friend?”

"I hurt you.”

"It was not on purpose.”

“B-but it's not normal. You only touched me…”

“Yes, it’s rare, but it’s still an accident. I'm not going anywhere, Lily.”

Lily still doesn't understand why Jess is so calm, but she's too tired to keep asking. She just nods.

"Do you want to go up?" She asks, offering her good hand.

They both go back up to Lily's room.

"Can you sleep with me?" The girl asks.

“Sure."

They prepare the bed, but a call on Jess's cell phone interrupts. Mr. Stark.

"I'll be right back…”

Jess leaves the room and walks as far away as possible.

"Should I ask the same as the girl?”

"How is it possible that such a little girl suffers so much?"

“I'm not sure yet, but it has happened before. Now, do I have to hire another babysitter?"

"Will you tell me what’s wrong with her?"

"What would you do with that information?" Jess rolls her eyes.

"I just want to help her.”

Tony sighs.

"She was born with something strange and bad people wanted to take advantage of it.”

“So what she dreamed… It is a memory?"

"Did you hear it?"

“She screamed before she woke up. She begged not to be hurt.”

"Yes, they’re memories.”

Jess bites her lower lip. She turns over her shoulder to make sure Lily isn't listening.

"I have a theory.”

"I don't have much time, speak up.”

“Miss Potts warned me a bit about the nightmares, but I understand that they hadn't happened for a long time. Did you and Lily argue at other times before?”

"I don’t think so.”

“Don’t you think that the nightmares return when she doesn't feel the security that you give her? By not being home and knowing that you’re upset. They also told me that her mother abandoned her, fear makes her memories return.”

Tony doesn't respond for a few seconds.

"What degree are you studying?"

“Psychology."

Makes sense. I don't know, Miss Adams. But I’ll take it into account.”

“Okay, sir.”

***

After Mr. Stark explained a bit about what really happened, Jess felt scared, but not for her. The brunette had witnessed the very agony in the body of a little girl. She’s never lied by saying that she just wants to help her. She’ll never abandon Lily.

"Do you want to see a movie?" She asks from across the kitchen table.

"I have to do homework,” replies Lily scratching her eye wearily.

"I think you deserve a break.”

“Maybe…”

"Mr. Stark is in the news," reports J.A.R.V.I.S.

They both know what it means. Scandal. They run into the living room and turn on the television.

"Oh no…” says Lily.

She doesn't know what surprises her the most, her father driving a race car or the man with two energy whips trying to hurt him. Although her father got the Iron Man armor in time and was able to contain the villain, Lily knows that something else is going on and the comments from others don’t help. They all allude to Tony's opinión that the new technology that he invented no one else would have for a long time, and now an unknown man has succeeded.

***

Lily turns when someone knocks on her bedroom door. She smiles when she sees the colonel.

"Uncle Rhodey!" She squeals and runs to hug him. The man receives the hug with a smile.

"I hope you always receive me like this, Lily.”

"I can do it,” She replies as they part.

Rhodes sees the room now painted sky blue, some paintings as decoration, with each color and furniture it’s quite obvious that Lily was the one who chose everything, especially noting the vibrant colors that don’t match the rest.

"I like what you did with your room.”

"Thanks. Look!” She takes his hand and leads him to her desk. "I found a video of how to make the Iron Man reactor shape out of cardboard," She explains, pointing to the process.

Rhodes laughs heartily. It’s not the most accurate model in the world, but it is really impressive that Lily is already so detailed in her creations.

"Will you give it to Tony on his birthday?"

She nods. "Do you think he’ll like it?"

"I'm sure. This is pretty good,” He agrees. "How are you doing in school?"

"Good. It's kind of boring, but my teachers seem to have fun when I understand things quickly,” She shrugs.

"You should be happy too.”

"I guess, but… I don't know."

Rhodes frowns.

"I know that face, it's the same as Tony does. What's wrong?"

She turns to face him.

“I want to do more things, but everyone says I can't. Everything is dangerous or someone else can see me. I feel like those dolls trapped in a toy house.”

Rhodes sighs.

"I wish I could have a better answer,” He crouches down to look at her. “But all I can tell you is that it’ll be better once you’re older. I'm sure we'll have better options,” Lily seems disappointed with his words. The man makes a face. Then he comes up with something. “How about I talk to your father to start a little self-defense class? Do you remember the movies we saw?"

"That would be great!" She says smiling.

For James Rhodes, this made sense. He knows that Lily is still very young, but he also knows that Tony's world is very unpredictable, especially with what happened in Monaco. It would be a great opportunity for her to at least know how to defend herself.

"Well, I'll talk to him,” He says getting up.

“Oh, tell him that Natalie can teach me something! She promised!”

He looks at her confused, but doesn't take it too seriously.

“Okay… Do you know where your father is?"

"In the workshop, I'll take you,” She takes Rhodes's hand and they both walk towards the stairs of the workshop, but a corridor before Jarvis interrupts.

"Incoming call for Miss Stark.”

"Kid, I need you to do me a favor,” Tony’s voice says.

"What's going on?" She asks releasing Rhodes's hand.

"Do you remember the little screen I have to play with?" Although the last use of it was to infiltrate Senate screens, she usually uses it to play games.

“Aha..”

“It’s in my room. I want you to bring it.”

"Why don't you go get it?" Rhodes intervenes, annoyed.

"I'm busy— Wait, how long have you been here, Rhodey?"

"We need to talk.”

“I don't like that tone. Kid?"

"I'm coming!”

The girl goes to look for the screen while Rhodey follows the path to the workshop, ignoring Natalie's warning when he passes by the room where she’s with Pepper.

Rhodes walks into the shop, finding Tony looking at his projector for some files on him while he's sitting in one of his cars.

“Tony, you gotta get upstairs and get on top of this situation right now. And what’s that about, sending Lily to look for your toys?"

Tony doesn't respond, further exasperating the colonel.

“Listen. I've been on the puts with the National Guard on the day, trying to talk them out of rolling tanks up the PCH, knocking down your front door and taking these,” He says, pointing to the other armor prototypes. “They’re gonna take your suits, Tony. Okay? They’re sick of the games. You said nobody else would possess this technology for 20 years. Well, guess what? Somebody else had it yesterday.”

He walks towards him.

“It’s not theoretical anymore. And now can you imagine how all this would affect Lily? If the National Guard or anyone else in the government finds out about her, they’ll take her away without hesitation and they’ll all be against you. All this time you've kept her locked up, but you don't mind acting in a way that could affect her in the future.”

He stops at the side of the car.

“Are you listening to me?" He grabs his arm to get his attention. Tony is pale and tired. "Are you Okay?"

"Let's go,” answers Tony getting out of the car, but when he closes the door, he loses strength and almost falls to the ground. Rhodes helps him by holding him up.

"You all right?" He asks worried.

"Yeah, I should get to my desk,” They both walk with difficulty. "See that cigar box?" Rhodes nods. "It's palladium,” The colonel puts him on a chair and opens the box, revealing small blocks of material.

Tony pulls the reactor out of his chest and opens it, causing a block of Palladium to come out with some smoke.

"Is that supposed to be smoking?"

“If you must know, it's neutron damage. It's from the reactor wall,” explains Tony. Rhodes helps him switch blocks.

"You had this in your body?" Tony turns around. "And how about the high-tech crossword puzzle on your neck?" He points out.

"Road rash,” Tony puts the reactor back on as Rhodey watches him. "What are you looking at?"

"I'm looking at you. You wanna do this whole lone gunslinger act and it's unnecessary. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“You know, I wish I could believe that. I really do. But you've gotta trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing."

"And what about Lily?" Rhodes asks. "Are you also hiding all this from her or what excuse do you give her?" He says thinking that Lily notices many details, especially about her father.

“Makeup isn't just for women, Rhodes. Update yourself, and she doesn't know about the Palladium, she doesn't need to know.”

"Will you hide everything she shouldn't know from her?"

“It's called protection. Something that you’ve asked me to do for her many times.”

"I don't think that lying is the solution.”

Tony rolls his eyes.

"Miss Stark is coming, sir," Jarvis warns.

Rhodes now understands Tony's request for the toy.

Someone enters the code to enter. Both men are silent. Tony hides the cigar box. Lily runs up to him and gives him the screen.

“Your room is messier than mine. It took me centuries to find it,” She complains.

"Thanks, kid.”

Lily watches Rhodes.

"What were you talking about?" She says tilting her head a little towards the colonel. Rhodey remembers his promise. He smiles.

"We haven't talked about your stuff yet, Lily.”

"What did I miss?" Tony asks.

"I think it's a good idea for Lily to take self-defense classes."

"With Natalie,” adds the girl.

Tony sighs.

Taglist:

@silenthappyplace @yourbonesareinmybody @aylauwuuniverse    @skittles-skittles​ @hufflepuffzutara @poetryislife0715 @21bruhs @heavenlymistakes @my-love-of-books @dielgonacoffee

[detonizing]

headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub​ bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong 

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it 

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement ) 

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often 

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy ) 

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud. 

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot. 

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it. 

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way 

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself. 

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope. 

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines ) 

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that 

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe ) 

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth ) 

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that. 

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning ) 

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe ) 

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time. 

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG. 

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it 

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after ) 

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future 

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses. 

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

[concentrateandpush]

Unexpected delivery/ies

"Baby, baby can you wake up?" I nudge my husband awake as he shrugs it off and turns over. "Fuck" I moan as I arch my back and pant, what's going on? My period is super late, like mega late.. but I've never had cramps like this before, plus I'm used to having weird periods.. it just seems, different.

I get up, walk to the bathroom and run a bath, I'm sure water will soothe whatever is happening. I lower myself in to the tub and watch the water move as I take up nearly all of the bath, I've always been plus size but recently I feel like I've filled out some more. I lay back and feel the water soothe my stomach and lower back but then it strikes again.

My toes curl at the bottom of the bath, I hold on to the sides as I brace myself, I don’t understand what's happening, the pain is so bad I allow myself a little moan out, it's higher pitch than I anticipated. "Zack, ZACK!" I shout knowing that he must have heard me. "What's wrong?" He shouts back from the bedroom. "I need you, quickly, I'm in the bath" I shout, the strain making my voice sound louder.

He's heavy footed and I hear him stomp across the landing, fast. "What is it?" He asks as he kneels next to me. "Somethings happening, my stomach is in half, my back is cramped and I just feel like I need to scream" I say in a panicked voice. "Okay, okay Luc, you're okay" he says. I've always had a high pain tolerance, so for me to cry and scream he knows something is up. "I'm going to get my phone, wait here" he says as he runs off.

"Okay, ambulance is coming, just stay with me" he announces from the bedroom. I have no idea what is going on, neither does he, but I think I might be dying. My pussy feels like I've been having rough sex all night, it just aches and there’s so much pressure. I'm boiling hot and sweating even though I ran a cold bath, the cold just seems to make the pain worse.. but I know I cant sit in hot water.

"Get out, something is wrong, get on the bed" Zack says, his voice sounding scared, I'm in so much pain. I get up and struggle to get to the bed, I lay down on my back and put the fan on. "Zack, I'm dying" I cry as I hold his face, "please, just look after yourself, I love you so much" he stops me and strokes my face "You're going to be fine, sweetheart, could you be pregnant?" He asks softly as I do the math.

I take out my phone calendar and work out the dates. Fuck, I'm pregnant. I look at him and my eyes are enough for him to know the answer. "You're having a baby?" He smiles as he reaches for me "Were having a baby?" He jumps and cheers for joy, we've been trying for a while and stopped tested because we just got so sad every time we saw that lonely line.

I'm having a baby, I'm in labor, Jesus.. we have nothing, we have no baby stuff, no cot. We don’t even have a milk warmer. Fuck. "Zack, we cant do this, we aren’t ready, we have nothing, where is it going to sleep? A human, our human, fuck, Zack what.. I cant do this, I cant.." I panic and snap. "Lucy, if there's anyone who can do this, it's you. Yes it's scary, but I'm here, anything I can do, tell me and we will get through it. Were having a baby!" He smiles and chuckles with disbelief.

I pull myself together and realise this baby is coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I spread my legs apart and look at Zack "Listen to what I tell you, take your fingers and push them in, ngggg, until you hit my cervix" he nods and pushes them in "Lucy, I cant get past the head" he says shocked. I reach down and feel that the head is already down, still in its bag of waters, how have I done this so easy? "I'm fully dilated Zack" I say softly. "What is that? What do you mean?" He says, no idea what I'm telling him.

"Okay, next contraction I get, I’m going to push, watch the head and tell me.. hooo, if it moves" I tell him, "if it starts to come too fast, put your hand over it and steady it" I say sternly. He looks so scared, I'm panting so hard and I can see he just wants to hold me. I can feel the contraction starting off slowly, my stomach tightening as I cramp. I look at him and nod to say I'm going to push. I know this push wont do much, it's my first try and I cant expect much.

I pull my legs back and push letting out a small grunt, take a small breath and push again screaming this time. "I'm sorry I'm so loud" I say laughing a little. "You scream all you want" Zack laughs. "Help me, I need to squat" I say as I pull on Zacks arms to get me up, as I move towards him I feel a gush pour from my opening. "Well, I think your waters just broke" Zack laughs as he steady's me. I look down at the water and I feel so nauseous.

"Get me a bowl, get me anything, I need a receptacle" I say as he walks over to the bathroom to grab anything, passing me a plastic bowl. I feel so much pressure and push as much as I can "Ahhhhh" I moan as I feel movement in my birth canal. I throw up twice between pushes, which luckily eases my dizziness. "Can you see?" I ask Zack and he nods "the head is causing like a tear shape, you're bulging like crazy, push, keep pushing" he says in awe of how I'm coping.

I lay back down and hold my legs open "uuhhh" I moan. "Okay, slow love, the forehead is out" he says "keep going and the head will be out" he says excitedly. "Zack, oooowwww" I say trying to tell him to watch for the chord. "Keep going, you're doing it, you're having a baby" he smiles. I push again and feel a gush of amniotic fluid gather under me. "Check around the neck, check to see if the chord is around the neck" I demand as I hold my clit. "You're okay, there’s nothing around the neck" he says and my body instantly relaxes.

I take a moment to breathe and deal with the fact I'm birthing a baby I didn’t know I was carrying. "Zack, I don’t know if I can push anymore, I'm exhausted, I cant do it" I cry, hitting that wall. "Lucy, you can so do it. You're doing it already" Zack says supporting me. "Make it stop, jesus it hurts so bad, ohhh god, Ooohhhhh" I moan as I begin to push again feeling the shoulders hit against my insides.

"Good girl, that's it" he says gently as I push. I lay on my side and hold my leg up struggling to push slowly, I feel like if i push hard I'm going to tear. "Baby, please, come out for Mommy" I cry as I pull my leg. "Oowwww" I moan holding the push as long as I can, I take a breath and push again straight away, "Nngggg" I grunt as my body jolts up to the headboard and I hold on to the bars.

"Lucy, come on harder, one push left, push our baby out" Zack says with his eyes full of tears. I bear down as hard as I can holding on to the bars and pulling on them, I feel my canal empty of the baby that was once in it. Zack catches the crying bundle of joy I just birthed. "He's a little boy Luc, he is so perfect, he- he's perfect" Zack cries as he passes our baby to me. "Hi there little guy" I chuckle as I touch his little face. "Happy birthday buddy" Zack smiles as he cuddles up next to us.

The ambulance still hasn’t arrived, Zack tied and cut the cord, I'm absolutely exhausted but so so happy. We called the family and most of them are on their way. I can feel the placenta coming down and it's such a strange feeling knowing I have carried a baby all this time. "Ohh" I moan "Zack?!" I shout "Can you take baby, the after birth is coming down" I say calmly as I sit up slightly to push. I reach my hands down and feel myself "God, it's hard, I always thought the after birth would be soft?" I laugh as i hear Helen my sister come through the front door.

She runs up the stairs and runs into the bedroom to see me pushing out the placenta and Zack assisting somewhat whilst holding the baby. She comes over and coos the new baby, whilst rubbing my back with the other hand. "Jesus, the placenta is almost as hard to push out as he was" I chuckle as I lay back on the bed to rest from pushing. I see Zack and Helen look inside me and at each other. "Okay babe, dont panic, but that doesnt look like a placenta, at all" Helen says softly as she grabs a towel to put under me, luckily she does as my second bag of waters come out on to it.

"Okay Mommy, yesterday you had no idea you were having a baby and here you are having twins" she laughs as she rubs my knee softly. "I've got this" she says to Zack as he sits next to me with baby, holding my hand. "Pressure?" She asks and I nod. "Ohhhh god" I moan as i reach down and feel myself. "You've got this sweetheart, you're doing great" Helen says softly.

Helen is 15 years older than me, she had her kids when she was younger, she had triplets when she was 17, they're 23 now, weirdly I'm only 2 years older than them, but Helen's always been like a mom figure to me. "Calm down for me, sweetie" Helen says calmly as I panic and wriggle through the pain. "HNNGGG" I moan, freaking out way more this time. "Breathe sweetheart" Helen says softly. There’s something about being able to relax and be the scared one when someone else is less scared and in control. "Lay back on Zack" she says sternly "I'm gonna gently guide baby okay?" She says noticing the baby’s skin colour is grey.

I see her look at Zack and shake her head as she tries to pull. "Okay, Lucy, I think baby is struggling to breathe, it's not your fault but you need to push now, don’t wait for a contraction you need to push it out, now" she says and I nod, getting on my knees. "Is my baby going to be okay?" I ask softly and she sternly says "just push, it needs to come out now Luc".

"Uhhh" I moan with a quick push. "Strong and long Mommy" Helen says as Zack rubs my back and holds our eldest. "I don’t feel like I'm pushing" I say as i try to push. "You're doing it Luc, just keep it going, harder, keep that going, harder Lucy, feel my fingers? Push them" she says. I push against her fingers and moan a deep grunt. "Good job Mommy" she smiles as I feel the head out. "Big strong and long now babe" I push as hard as I can leaning on my elbows.

"Lucy, I need you to hold that" she says as I push as hard as I can pulling on Zacks arm gently not to pull him over. "Good girl, good girl okay, yes Mommy" she shouts as the baby comes out. I move around careful of where I'm kneeling and look at my little baby still attached to me. It's a little girl, she's a tiny little girl, but she's not doing good. "What do I do?" I cry out. Helen lays me back and puts baby on my chest and puts my hand on her back to start rubbing.

I instantly know what I'm doing somehow and start rubbing her back, I stop crying and take control. "Come on baby, breathe for me" I say softly. "Talk to her, keep talking" Helen says as she watches. "Breathe for Mommy sweetheart" I say as I rub her back firmly. I know it's not helping, I put baby on the bed and start to blow over her nose and mouth, rubbing her neck in between, blowing and rubbing, blowing and rubbing "Come on little girl" I say giving up. I lay back and put her back on my chest and tap gently as she coughs and starts to cry.

"Ohh, oh my little girl" I cry out loud, holding her little body close to me as Zack reaches out to feel her. "You did so well sweetheart" I say softly to baby. "Such a good job mommy" Helen says, sobbing at my feet. "I'm so proud" Zack says softly as he kisses my forehead. "I'm gonna check you okay?" Helen says as she inserts her finger into me, "I think you're all empty" she laughs "No number 3". I sigh with relief and cuddle up to my new babies.

[galahadwilder]

We Break Things Down Just To Build Them Back Up Again

Chapter 4: Avoidance

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AO3

*

The mom friend override is working—Marinette hasn't flinched at the sound of Lila's voice all morning. Of course, Lila has barely been speaking all morning, thank the tiny gods, though that has nothing to do with her. They've started a unit on Vietnamese history, and, well... the version that the textbooks are teaching is... heavily sanitized.

It turns out that Kim may not know a lot about most things, but his family history? He knows really, really well. Most of morning class is spent with Kim actually correcting Mme. Bustier in progressively louder and angrier tones. (She seems to be aware that he's right, but can't officially acknowledge it.) Lila is, for once, staying out of it, which Marinette thinks is one of the wiser things she's done: this is too delicate a topic for the Italian girl to pretend expertise on, especially with the mood Kim's already in. One wrong word and he'll immediately turn his vitriol onto her.

The problem is that Kim is having some trouble articulating his thoughts, and he's getting more and more frustrated the more words escape him. And the angrier he gets, the more trouble he has speaking. It's a vicious cycle.

Everything he's saying is something Kim's grandmother had explained to Marinette a few years ago. She and Kim had been closer when they were younger—as two of the only Asian students in a school full of predominantly European and North African origins, they shared a number of experiences that their classmates didn't quite understand, despite the differences between their cultures. So normally she'd be leaping in to back him up, to help him find the words, to—

Her hands are shaking. Her heart is slamming against her ribs. She knows that if she speaks up, she becomes a target. No matter what she does, Lila will immediately go on the offensive, find a way to attack her, to silence her, to turn her words against her. Even if she's supporting Kim, Lila will make it sound like she's being condescending towards him or needlessly antagonizing Mme. Bustier or something, and...

And this is exactly what Adrien has been doing to her, she realizes. This is how he feels all the time.

She squeezes her eyes shut and gouges her fingernails into her palms, tuning out Kim and Mme. Bustier's argument and focusing her mind's eye on the blond boy sitting in front of her. This beaten-dog feeling is all too familiar to her—Chloé had pounded it into her over years of shared classes, and she'd only managed to break it thanks to Alya, Tikki, and Chat Noir. And even then it still came back sometimes before Lila retargeted it.

...and Chloé has been Adrien's only friend for eleven years. Oh, Kwami, this just keeps getting worse, doesn't it?

She zones back into class and realizes that Kim has gone quiet. Bustier is continuing with her lecture, but she seems embarrassed. Marinette's willing to bet she's going to apologize to Kim later, and admit he's right. Only in private though.

She tunes Bustier back out again—she's saying something terribly incorrect and colonialist, and Alya's pencil is creaking under the pressure of her angry fingers. Most of the class seems kind of annoyed, actually, though whether at Bustier, Kim, or the French school system, Marinette couldn't say.

Come lunchtime, the atmosphere in the classroom is downright frosty, and everything that Marinette is is screaming at her to fix it. But somehow she doesn't think anyone is going to let her. Anything she says will make her a target for Lila and she doesn't really have anyone in her corner.

Her mother's words from last night come back to her: "You have a big heart, but you need to look after yourself first." But... helping other people is part of who she is. She's Ladybug for Kwami's sake. She needs to feel useful. She just needs to fix one thing today; doesn't matter what it is, she needs to help someone.

So it's a relief when Adrien turns to her as soon as the bell rings, teeth digging into his lip. "Uh, hey... Mari?" he says, his voice rough.

Her heart slams into her ribs immediately, and she has to swallow down anxiety bile at the thought that oh god he hates me why did I break into his bedroom he's going to call the police and I'll never see him again. "What's up?" she chokes out. They're way past the point of calling cops.

Adrien's face falls. "I..." he begins in a whisper, staring at the floor. "I don't want to go home for lunch." He clenches his hands, his whole body tight.

Marinette can't miss the tension in his frame. "What do you need?" she says, heedless of Alya and Nino staring at them.

Adrien starts, his stunned emerald eyes locking on hers. "I..." His hand twitches, flaps, and he does something that's sort of like a snap but not quite. Relief spreads across his face. "Can I..."

"Of course," Marinette says with an unnaturally steady voice, her heart bursting in her chest like a balloon on the end of a fire hose, utterly heedless of the students who are beginning to file out of the classroom. "I told you. You're always welcome." She rests her chin on her fist and smiles despite the pounding of blood in her ears. "You don't even have to ask."

Alya glances between them. "What just happened?" she says.

Nino narrows his eyes. "I think Adrien just asked Nettie to invite him over for lunch."

*

"Thank you for not telling them," Marinette says as they cross the street between the school and the bakery. "About..." The muscles in her arm tighten with nerves, and she flaps her hand, letting the tension bleed out through the sudden movements. "You know, me breaking into your room."

Adrien glances at her hand, smiles as they step up to the curb. "You're doing that more often," he says.

She holds up her hand with a soft smile and snaps a few times. "The more I do it," she says, "the more comfortable you'll get with doing it."

Adrien grins, biting his lip with his front teeth. "You're amazing," he says.

She feels her face squeeze from the rush of extra blood, and immediately loses track of her feet. Which promptly smack against the leg of one of the chairs on the bakery patio. She shrieks, bracing for chin to strike table, but instead she feels the familiar crushing pressure of Adrien's arms across her chest.

"Whoa, Princess," he says, his voice stronger and faster than she's ever heard it, yet somehow achingly familiar. "Can't have you falling for me."

She squeaks, sliding out of his hands into the chair. She tripped and he caught her and he said—he said—oh gods, everything about what just happened is a disaster she needs to move to Tibet.

"Mari?" he says. "Are you—"

"I'm going to explode, thank you!" she yelps, drawing her feet up onto the seat of the chair and hugging her knees to her chest, curling up into a fetal position. Even with as small as she is, she barely fits her whole body onto the seat.

"Mari, I'm sorry," Adrien says, sliding to his knees in front of her. "I—I forgot."

"Forgot?" she whispers, looking up at him through her bangs. "Forgot what?"

Adrien swallows. "That..." His fist clenches, and he pulls it close to his chest.

She reaches out to pull his arm out, holding it between them. "Stim if you need to," she says.

Instead, Adrien's fingers creak open. "I forgot you said you were in love with me," he whispers.

Marinette's breath turns to ice in her lungs.

"Didn't... mean to make fun of you for it," he adds, looking away.

She opens her mouth, tries to speak, "I—I—I..." she starts, trying to force the words out around the anxiety-blockage in her throat, but her brain is stuck on the first word like a record where the needle keeps skipping. "I, I—I don't... I—I'm..."

He collapses backward, falling onto his ass, his eyes wide with shock. "Mari?" he gasps. "Are you—"

She presses her palms into her eyes, crushing them into her skull, and screams.

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[q-u-a-c-k]

rant that you can just skip over 😂 it's just detailed intrusive thoughts. and I'm continuing to rant about literally everything that goes through my brain so I am here writing this and not acting on thoughts or being stupid.

okay so this is a note from after I have written all that. and basically it's complaining and ranting about everything and hyperfixating on space and science in the end. in the middle I talk about my fears of love 😂 potentially triggering stuff? it's all nonsense you really dont have to read it. it was just to keep myself from doing something I shouldn't. so if you could be triggered by literally anything maybe dont? idk. I cant stop you but it's probably annoying and not interesting. if anyone does read it though let me know if I need to tag it anything.

So my brain has now decided that because there is no way I am sleeping tonight unless it's exhaustion, I get intrusive thoughts. fun! so rn it has been fixated on the fact that because I am closest to the outside. not hall door. that I could easily sneak out. which is very much not good idea, because 1) I dont live in this area, 2) it's still cold as fuck outside at night, 3) I would literally fucking get lost or caught immediately. So yeah :) I dont even know what I would do if I did go and I don't want to because I have an idea of what brain would say and that's a big no. it's especially big no because I'm too comfortable with the idea of it but I'm not allowed to. and I guess now it's kinda good because brain is thinking about how I miss my cat. I just wanna see my baby and be in my safe place with the people I'm actually comfortable with (cat and phone with online friends) like guys he's so fuckung adorable and what if he doesnt know why I'm not there right now. usually he sleeps in my room at night. so what if he's in my room waiting for me and I cant go see him. you're damn right that I'm crying about this. i just want my baby because he is my baby and an indicator of a safe place.

also I am so incredibly fucking uncomfortable. like I cannot sleep because 1) in a place I do not know 2) there are people (family) in the room that I am not comfortable letting my guard down around 3) there's so much noise from snoring (and from one sleep talking) 4) I am on the couch because when we go places I'm always the one who has to and it's a shitty pull out bed couch. it makes way too much noise that I have been in an uncomfortable position for over 3 hours because I dint want to disturb anyone else. and I can very easily feel like of the metal bars under the middle of my back 5) I am very cold. I forgot a blanket and I didnt get one because the room only gave us one extra one (I dont think we're supposed to have an extra person) ad my sister got it even though I'm the one by the outsid,door, window, and air conditioner which wont turn off. I at least have my flannel though to cover my legs 6) my head hurts so bad because it's the kind of headache that hurts to have eyes open, breath, or move around in general 7) my stomach hurts so bad because I had to eat because apparently people get hungry and are supposed to eat along with anxiety from literally all of this 8) I have not gotten to be alone for more than 10 minutes since the middle of Wednesday whereas usually I spend almsot all of my time alone (with cat and phone with online friends) in my safe place. 9) I have not stopped crying (not really like crying crying but like there has been tears or water from my eyes because for some reason they burn and some because of anxiety or missing cat. 10) I keep thinking that at any moment I close my eyes someone is going to break into the room or one of my family members are gonna do something (I literally dont know what, that's intrusive thoughts talking but I have previously freaked out because I thought they were gonna aliven't me for no reason) 11) When I'm somewhere I'm not used to I get really bad muscle cramps in my arms and legs and I am not having fun with that.

sorry that was a shit ton of complaining that nobody should have read or give a shit about. so sorry if anyone actually read that?

also Allison, if you actually do read this (istg you really dont have to. like I said this is just my train of thoughts written to prevent me from doing anything. I am not watching wandavision until later today 😂 and I am staying off the discord server I joined becuas of potential spoilers.

anyways continuation of rants and complaints. I really want to put the phone down and attempt to sleep even though I know I'm not gonna be able to and for that reason I have to write here because I do not trust myself with my brain being like this rn. but I wanna put phone down so bad because my eyes hurt and my head hurts from having eyes open.

and I really wanna just get my earbuds out and have controlled noise and potentially fall asleep but that would take noise louder than them to drown them out but any noise already is hurting my head and earbuds sound really uncomfortable right now.

also I'm starting to get really cold again because the flannel was working for a little but I think that was because I had to move a little bit to get it out and on my legs and I haven't been moving.

also my sister (sleep.talker) has been just making noises and mumbling all night except just now she went "eww" and rolled over and continued snoring and sleeping. so that's fun. totally didnt scare me.

oh my God it's fuckung almost 3:30 I just wanna sleep. at this rate I dont care in what way it happens, but I want sleep in the next 10 minutes so I cannot be aware of how uncomfortable or in pain I am.

my back (which usually already has back pain) connot stand to lay on the bar in this position anymore so I have to move but it's so loud and I dont wanna wake anyone up or move into a worse position but feel bad for moving.

I have now moved and I dont THINK I woken anyone up. back is better but head hurts so much more now because of movement and I am now laying on my knee which I have a lot of problems with and am not having a fun time.

idk what to talk about. I want sleep or to at least put phone down but like I said multiple times I do not trust my brain rn so I have to keep writing stuff. and I dont want to just keep complaining but idk what to talk about and complaining is easiest rn because I was out in an uncomfortable situation by coming with them and I didnt want to in the first place but would not be able to stay home.

I am now gonna talk about sleep and my thoughts about it. I like being asleep but I also dont. I like being not awake but most of the time do not like the dreams I have. but sleep itself is such an interesting concept. like the body forces itself to shut down and put you unconscious to like rest itself or repair before continuing to function. and it's like (supposed to be) on a specific or close to schedule. like youre supoosed to have a schedule for when you're unconscious. and this is completely normal. a part of our society is actually shaped around this too? like at certain times around the world it gets all dark and the world goes quiet for a while. idk I just think it's really interesting. maybe it's not idk lmao.

and now brain wants to talk about how and why I am afraid to love. :). brain is afraid to love because that means I have to be vulnerable to someone and that's just so terrifying to do, especially being someone who is different than a lot of the heteronormative society. like I absolutely love my friends. and once I'm comfortable around them, I'm gonna tell them that I love them as much as I can (but also dont want to make them uncomfortable). because if I finally feel comfortable enough around you to be vulnerable and accept that I love you despite brain's overwhelming urge to say I don't and be invulnerable and safe, I'm gonna tell you that as much as I can that I love you. because it literally happens so little in my life that I actually really trust someone. so if I tell you I love you I mean it (and it tells you I trust you). like seriously, I barely even say it to my mom because I'm so on guard and trying to watch my back around her. and I dont think I say it to the rest of my family. unless it's my grandparents I'm gonna tell them that because I think I do just in a different way of your my grandparent and you're family. and I occasionally say it to my irl best friend because there's still a lot I'm on guard about because I haven't told her a lot of things so we're not as close as you'd think. but if you're reading this I have probably told you i love you. and i know Allison i tell you as much as i can because I think yyou'rethe absolute top person that I trust and love, so i try to tell you a lot. because I love you!! you're like my entire found family 😂

but now we're gonna talk about reasons why I'm terrified to be in love romantically. Because I dont think i have actually liked someone romantically or really ever be romantically interested in anyone. I have thought about it because I felt like I had to tell myself I was ( I was not). like i thought I had a crush on someone once but I think it was because I was unable to be their friend at the time that I wanted to be their friend even more. and because I never really got to pick my friends I didnt know what it was like to actually want to be friends with someone. but thinking about someone romantically I just cant really do. because I don't want to get into a romantic relationship if I don't know if I'm gonna like them romantically at all. do people like people romantically when they first go out with someone? or do they just say I kinda like this person let's try it out? because that just doesnt make sense to me and idk. and it could very well be that I'm just to young to know yet. because I still dont even know what I would want from a romantic relationship. like... Idk what there is for me to want or what's different to loving your friends besides calling them something else? and the whole having to trust that this person likes you in a specific way that you might like them before you take it far enough and get hurt because they just don't feel the same? or you're the one that's not really sure and potentially hurt someone else? I know people say it's just a risk you're gonna have to take but I dont want to take a risk like that. I dont mind being hurt from it myself but in terrified at the thought that I could potentially hurt someone because I just dint feel a certain way. and I still dont know what the difference is between friend love or romantic love to be able to judge or risk that? like seriously what is different? because I mean, maybe affection like have someone to hug or cuddle? but you could do that with friends and it should be a normal thing to have with your friends. but ig this still is a fucked up society that thinks everything has to be more than what it really is. and it just leaves people touch starved because of it. idk. maybe one day I'll figure it out, but how it's just Greek and foreign to me. idfk.

well that was fun. now it's 4 and I need something else to talk about because even if I do potentially fall alseep soon, I do not want those to be my last thoughts and possibly have dream about it (dreams for me are typically not good).

I think I see the moon. it's either a moon or a parking lot light. and I know the moon is either full or very close to full (I'm pretty sure it's just very. close) but I wish all of those lights outside were off and possibly have a new moon so I could see the stars. I love the stars so much. i love the moon, too, but right now it's very bright. but I wish I was more into astronomy and knew more about it. because that's also something that's very interesting to me is space and the stars. I wanna be someone who knows about all of the constellations. but I have a horrible memory and absolutely would not be able to remember 88 different stories. although I'd want to. even though most of them or a bunch are just Zeus being a dick. but more to the science side of the stars is so interesting to me that they're soooooo far away. like they're literally incomprehensibly far away. like I cannot comprehend how big a football field is without see one, I'm agine being able to comprehend the distance of light years? like I know we know how far it is but I'm pretty sure human minds cannot comprehend how far that ACTUALLY is. even if we know it's a LOT. and isnt it cool how we're able to know there are other planets outside of the solar system? I believe it's 4 different planets that we know of that are MORE inhabitable than earth. like better to live on. and they have either older or stronger stars that wouldn't die out as fast as our sun. although there comes the debate of if we should be able to go to them. it's a very debatable question, but I think overall the answer would be no. because humans have fucked up an entire planet, why should we be allowed to do it to another? like it realize it's literally a percent of humans that fucked it up for the rest of the planet, but humans have an inner need to have power over everyone else and other things and would stop at nothing to get what they want. humans could so easily become corrupt and destroy other planets too. it's kind of a fucked up thing to say, but I feel like maybe humans should die out with our planet. like of course it's not fair to the ones who haven't had the chance to live a life yet. but it was never fair to the other creatures humans killed for their own needs. like we have caused extinction several times. karma will get you back in the end ig. and it would be cool to know but obviously we wouldnt be able to know, if a species even smarter than humans evolved and kept the peace on earth, even as the ruling species? ruling sounds wrong but idk what else to call it. whatever we are above everything else is what they would be. but it would be so amazing to know what smarter beings are alive or could eventually live. like that's so fucking cool.

anyways I should probably try to sleep or put phone down because now brian doesnt have time to let me do anything I shouldnt. it's 4:30 😂 someone is probably gonna wake up soon because idk.

[benexolence]

Holy (M)

Professor!Kim Namjoon x Student!Reader

little bit of Jungkook x Reader in the beginning though :-)

Word count: 7.7k

Rating = M

SUMMARY: You get yourself into gnarly trouble with the young professor that lives in your dreams, and you must help him with some grading as a punishment. Little did you know, he’s not the only one who’s willing to commit a misdeed that doesn’t necessarily align with your school’s faith.

Warnings: rough sex, spanking, sir kink, daddy kink, slight exhibitionism, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, fingering, cunnilingus, choking, dirty talk, straight fucking FILTH

A/N: plz don’t judge me as this is my first written smut, i triED my best, ok :<

**STB = BTS backwards. 

At the moment, it felt like a sauna to you. Inside the tiny space, the room was hot. The wall touching your back would feel the sheet of sweat that you’re currently covered in. It felt like there was barely any fresh oxygen in the room, it left you close to breathless. With the way Jungkook’s hands started sliding the underneath your uniform skirt almost left you breathless. The way his nails dug into the back of your thighs almost left you breathless. His open-mouth kisses all over your jawline were getting you close to your demise. But you were ultimately out of oxygen when his lips pressed right into the sweet spot of your neck; you reached your doom, but you couldn’t help but moan for more. His teeth grazed against the spot with desperation. All he wanted to do is wreck your body until you couldn’t decide if you needed more or if you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Tell me what you want, baby” Jungkook moved his lips to whisper in your ear, only to nibble at it. “Daddy will give you whatever you want.” Jungkook’s hands moved his hands from the thighs to your ass, only to squeeze it in his palms. One hand moved to your hips, wrapping his fingers around the band of your panties, pulling at it and letting the band snap back to your hips. “You just have to tell me, baby.” You squirmed in his arms, desperate for anything. You didn’t care about who it was and what they did, you just needed someone to give you something to satisfy this frustration that built in your stomach. You were desperate enough to let an infamous fuckboy touch your body in the janitor’s closet of your school.  “Please, Daddy, t-touch me.” He slips his fingers down to your panties to touch your folds. Jungkook groans into your neck, “God, you’re damn so wet, Y/N. Were you thinking about me all day? Thinking about my fingers in your fucking panties?” You whine at his touch, bucking your hips for more friction. But that wasn’t enough for him. “Come on Y/N, tell me what you need and Daddy will give it for you” Jungkook spoke into your neck. You can feel his lips smirking, but you knew that you had to give into that damn cocky attitude to get what you want, even if you didn’t actually want him. Lying was your only way to get to your high, and you could easily do it. It wasn’t a problem for you because it was just so easy to imagine Jungkook as the man who actually made you drenched, who made you this frustrated, but also the man who will get you to your high, even if it’s your imagination. “Daddy, I-I needed your fingers, please” You whined. Thank the lord that you didn’t have to say Jungkook’s name; it would’ve been harder to get through this. It’s not that Jungkook isn’t good-looking. He is wildly attractive and charming, but he isn’t who you actually wanted. Jungkook pulls down your panties, letting them fall to your feet. He starts sucking at the sweet spot in your neck while his middle finger moves to your entrance, teasing it by circling at the rim of your hole. His thumb presses lightly on your clit. You moan out loud, so loud that you quickly cover your mouth with your hand. You want to cry out and stick his fingers inside you. You don’t want to wait anymore. It’s getting too much for you. It feels so damn fucking good, but it’s just not enough. “Please, Daddy, p-please” You whine a bit more as you move your other hand to his pants, cupping his groin. You begin to lightly squeeze his balls, and you hear a loud throaty moan. “Fuck, I need you right now. You want me too, right baby?” Jungkook groans as he starts to dip the tip of his finger inside you and lightly moving his thumb on your clit. “Yes! Yes! Always Daddy, please!” You cry out for him. Thankfully, he gives into pleads and slowly slides his finger inside out you, causing your mouth gape out and your eyes slam shut. You moan louder than before as you felt your walls clenching around his finger. Fucking finally, you thought to yourself. He lets his finger stay still inside of you, feeling how turned on you are, “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re so tight. You’re so naughty, baby. Do you think my thick cock can fit inside you?” Bucking your hips again, you whine for any movement on his part. “Please Daddy, make it fi--” Your pleads were interrupted by a bright light hitting the both of you. Your eyes slowly open and move in the direction of the light, only to find the man who caused you such frustration. He’s standing there, holding what looks to be a briefcase in his hands. For a second, you thought that Jungkook was so good, he got you to hallucinate, but you only realize you’re wrong when he suddenly yanked his hands away from you. “What the hell is happening here? Get out of this damn closet right now!” The man puts his briefcase down and roughly pulls Jungkook out of the closet, and his eyes move directly back to you. He scans your entire body, only to have his eyes almost bulge out at the sight of your panty-covered feet. He quickly moves his eyes in a different direction. “Ms. Y/L/N, make yourself look decent and put your undergarments back on,” He says with a stern tone. Reality hits you like a train, and you feel yourself being washed in humiliation as you quickly put your panties back on, but there’s a side that feels utterly thrilled heated when you notice the man possibly looking at your figure from the corner of his eyes. But you quickly dismiss that feeling when you try to fix your disheveled state. There’s no way he was looking at me. He’d never do that, you thought to yourself. “I’m decent, Mr. Kim” you spoke softly as you walk out of the closet with your head down and hands interlocked together in front of you. He turns to you and moves Jungkook next to you. He looks at the both you and Jungkook in complete disappointment. He grabbed open his briefcase and took out the university’s official notepad with a pen. He writes on two pieces of paper before tearing it out and handing each paper to both you and Jungkook. “I want both you and Jungkook in my office after you both confess your sins in the chapel. Immediately. I do not want to even look at both of you after what I just witnessed. Both of you must have the priest sign the paper with a timestamp after you are done, so I need that paper so I know that the both of you don’t continue this distasteful act.” “Namjoon Hyung, I’m sorr-” Jungkook tried to plead his way out of punishment before he got cut off. “Mr. Jeon, don’t you dare talk to me so casually after what you just did. Do it again, and I’ll make it worse for you. I might be a few years older than you but don’t ever forget that I am your elder and your professor, you must respect that, especially now.” Namjoon scolded Jungkook sternly. But even though you were witnessing a scolding, you couldn’t help but feel the frustration coming back. It was the way Namjoon talked to Jungkook, the anger and aggression in his tone; you felt the strength in your knees draining. Namjoon turned to you with the irritation heavy in his eyes, and you gazed your head up towards him. He spoke to you with a softer yet stern tone. “As for you, Ms. Y/L/N, I suggest you go down to the nurse’s office and change into a new uniform. You should also fix yourself up before going to the chapel. You must timestamp your visit to the nurse’s office as well.” Namjoon looked straight into your eyes after his spoke words and repeat his actions before, scanning your body with an intense glare. You quickly move your gaze back to the ground, unable about to look at him directly with the embarrassment and unintentional arousal flooding your body. You can’t control how you feel when he is around, and it’s so goddamn frustrating. “Yes, sir. I will do so.” You shyly utter the words, it was almost a miracle that he actually could hear you. But you can’t help but notice the subtle shudder of Namjoon’s body after you spoke. It was undetectable, faint. Jungkook was unaware of such a move, but you saw it. You’d bet money that if there were anyone else around you, they wouldn’t notice either. You wonder if he felt cold or if it was your words. But like earlier, you dismiss your thoughts, not believing in your unordinary beliefs. Namjoon moves to Jungkook and puts his hand on Jungkook’s upper back. His hands are covered in rings, which you find odd for him to wear at work, but your thoughts pull you into a sinister imagination. You snap out of your dreams as quickly as they came when he starts to move Jungkook as he slowly walks away. “Mr. Jeon, You will come with me to the locker-room. I’m feeling nice enough to give you a new set of clothes because you’re covered in sweat.” Namjoon stops for a second and turns his head back to you, “Ms. Y/L/N, I will meet you in my office ASAP. You can go down to the nurse’s office now.” You nodded your head and spoke, “Okay sir, I will see you then.” You looked back to Namjoon, only to find his momentarily still in place before he continued in the direction of the locker-room. You started to walk quickly in the course of the nurse’s office before any other student saw you.

During your visits to the nurse’s office and the chapel, you can’t help but be pulled back into your thoughts of Namjoon’s hands, his rings especially. When the nurse was scolding you with phrases of how sinful this was and yelling about the lessons of early childhood Sunday school, you wondered how cold Namjoon’s rings must be on your hot skin. When you were listening to the priest telling you what you must for your penance of adultery, you wondered if Namjoon touches himself with those rings on. It wasn’t great that think about him as much as you do, especially since he’s your professor at the private Catholic University you attended. It was more ironic that he was your professor for your Theology 107 class, Intro to Catholic Moral Theology. What surprised you the most is no one made you feel the way he made you feel, just his presence put shocks through your body. You knew you were screwed from the moment you saw him walk into the lecture hall of your class. Namjoon had a towering figure; he was a tall man with a lean body type; it made you feel like he’s larger than life when he was near you. He had a slick ash-blonde undercut that complemented well his sun-kissed skin. Namjoon held a compelling aura around him, it left many people speechless at times, but it left you speechless and frustrated. His voice didn’t help your problem either. When he spoke, you would usually shiver at the way his baritone voice caused goosebumps to grow on your skin. Namjoon wasn’t just a pretty face either. The words he spoke were wise and thoughtful, a simple sentence he spoke could hint at his great wisdom and intelligence, despite only being five years older than you. He was stern in his words; the commanding tone made you want to get on your knees as fast as you possibly can. During his lectures, you can hear the passion in his voice, the love he has for the goodness in humanity. You knew his heart was kind when he shared all the possible resources for communicating with him to his class; “I don’t want you guys to pass my class, I want you to come out of here, understanding the morality of right and wrong. But I’ll still make sure that each person still passes this class anyway”. He was a caring, and kind person; it just wasn’t fair for you because there was nothing you could use to make yourself dislike him to any capacity. Kim Namjoon was the epitome of frustration for you. It made you confused on whether you wanted to withdraw his class to end your troubles or start attending office hours just to see him. You wanted to express your feelings to someone but it seemed like everyone around you would start spewing words of sinfulness and disappointment to you, even though those people are probably having the same lustful thoughts of him as well. Being at a small college that you attended, you forced to keep your shit together around him. Though it didn’t matter much about what you did with boys like Jungkook, the smallest mistake around Namjoon could jeopardize the friendships you created and the reputation at your school. It’s not that you cared about what other people think but you’d rather stay away from the possible name-calling and bullying that might occur.     All these things were filling your mind as you walked to Namjoon’s office. It was getting harder to keep your frustrations to a minimum; but today, you lost control of yourself. This morning was especially tough since your dreams were filled with nothing but Namjoon’s hands. You woke up, already extraordinarily irritated and frustrated, and from that moment, it seemed like everything around you tried to trigger you. People were irritating you, the lack of food in your apartment irritated you, a random pop-quiz irritated you, and the hot, dry weather irritated you. You were close to overflowing with irritation as you were walking past the football field until your eyes found Namjoon in the area. His coaching uniform stuck to him due to the sweat covering his body. He was teaching new tricks to use in the upcoming soccer game, and you watch as his body moved so smoothly through the field. It seemed like everything he was doing required no effort. But that notion quickly disappeared when he kicked the ball into the goal. The pride and sheer aggression he possessed when he kicked the ball made you think he might destroy the goal. You thought about if he might have the same aggression when he's touching someone, putting the same level of effort and power in his thrusts when he’s fucking someone, such thoughts making your knees almost buckle in return. After the boy landed in the goal, he turned to the team and gave a radiant cocky smile, and that’s when you snapped completely. Your frustration was overflowing covering the small bits of your weaken sanity, causing you to pull your phone and find the number of some boy that you know would satisfy your needs for the time being. Your thoughts silenced themselves as you approach the door of Namjoon’s office. You could hear Namjoon scolding Jungkook, and it becomes quiet when you knocked on the door. You hear Namjoon yell a “come in” and you open the door almost immediately. Once the door is open, you find a cowering Jungkook with his head down in fear and shame while Namjoon sits in his seat, calm and controlled. “Hello Ms. Y/L/N. Please hand in your timestamps and take a seat.” Namjoon spoke as he lifted his open palms towards you, hinting to place the notepaper in that hand. Your hands slightly shook as you set the paper in his palm. His fingertips accidentally graze your hand causing you to immediately mirror Jungkook’s figure, tilting your face down to hide your blushing features. You feel Namjoon’s stare burning holes in your mind as you continue facing the ground. “So, Ms. Y/L/N, I was just talking to Mr. Jeon about the consequences he must endure for such offense. Fortunately for you, this is your first offense so your punishment will not be as severe as Mr. Jeon’s, as he has committed adultery on campus-grounds multiple times.” Namjoon’s tone shifted from stern to downright irritated towards the end of his sentence, making you almost chuckle at how stupid Jungkook could be at getting caught many times. “Still, I must reprimand you for such an incident. This astonishes me because I expected better from you, Y/N.” At the sound of your name leaving his lips and you instantly shiver. Why the hell are you so damn turned on? You could literally get kicked out of your university right now. You shifted your thighs together for relief and took a deep breath before facing Namjoon and speaking. “Mr. Kim, I’m not sure what to say, but I would like to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn’t have done this to myself or Jungkook, so I will take whatever punishment you give me.”

“I know that you are a good student, Y/N. And I know how a student’s life can be busy at times so I will go lightly on you, this one time. You’ve always turned in lovely essays in my class so as your punishment, you will come into my office and grade the essays that will be turned in this week. You will grade all 273 essays this upcoming Friday, come in at 6pm. No earlier, no later. Do you understand what you have to do, Ms. Y/L/N?” Namjoon’s smile resembled a cheshire cat as he spoke more about your punishment. He’s utterly cruel, you thought to yourself. That essay has a 10-page minimum requirement, and so there are at least 1000 pages that you have to read. The pieces aren't even interesting, it’s basically nothing but the history of good morals, and it was already mind-numbing to write the goddamn thing. “Yes, Mr. Kim, I do.” You tried your best to hide your irritation in your tone. It’s hard not to be irritated; you have to spend your Friday night, grading essays even if your brain starts melting. “Then you are dismissed, Ms. Y/L/N. I will see you on Friday.” Namjoon says with a slight smile as you stand up and leave the room. You’re fucked. Not only is your mind going to die by the 50th essay, but you possibly wouldn’t be able to function well because you’re going to around him.

There were no words to describe how exhausted you were today. You’ve spent the past few days studying, and you were just mentally-drained. You just wanted to get all this grading done as fast as you possibly can so you sleep for the rest of the weekend. Your fatigue caused you to drag yourself to Namjoon’s office, groaning every other minute about how awful the next few hours would be. You’ve been dreading this day because you knew that this night would be filled with nothing but absolute frustration. It was hard to bring yourself to knock on his office door, wanting to stall time a bit longer; thankfully you received a text just in time to distract you for a bit. Jungkook [5:55 pm]: Hey baby, are we still on for tonight? As a present for yourself, you made plans with Jungkook to binge-watch some random Netflix series. Even though these activities were planned for the night, it seemed that both you and Jungkook knew precisely what would eventually happen tonight, finishing what both of you and him started in that closet earlier in the week. You went a step further and wore a shorter than appropriate skirt with a matching blouse, so he had easier access. You needed to get your frustration in your stomach to leave because it was just getting painful now. You [5:58 pm]: Of course :-) I’ll probs be done by 10pm, I’ll text you when I leave Namjoon’s office. You wanted to relish in the possible events that might occur when you see Jungkook tonight, but you knew better than to delay the inevitable. You wanted to zoom through these damn fucking essays. You lightly knocked on the door, immediately having Namjoon open it with a bright smile on his face. “Right on time, Y/N. Let’s get started. Please take a seat” He held the door open for you, and as you walked into the office, you kept the same pose you had the last time you saw him, face down with your hands interlocked in front of your thighs. Both you and Namjoon walked to your seats, and you sat in the chair opposing to his seat. As he sat down, he swiftly placed a grading sheet and a stack of essays in front of you. “So Y/N, grading these papers is pretty simple actually. You have to read them over and make sure that they follow the guidelines on the rubric.” He pointed to the grading sheet and continued, “And read them over for clarity and accuracy. If you have any questions or you need help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Although his tone was stern, you can tell he was trying his best to be kind to you. “Okay, Mr. Kim, thank you.” You continued facing downwards as you nodded as your hands reached for a pen and the first essay of many, you just wanted to get through all of this quickly.

“Oh please Y/N, you can call me Namjoon. Although you’re here for outlandish reasons, you still don’t need to be formal with me right now.” Namjoon gave a soft smile, which caused you to blush a bit. You knew that you had to look at him to get through this night normally, but it was definitely easier said than done, especially with the way he looked at the moment. Often, you’d always see Namjoon in business-casual attire or his coaching uniform but today was a bit different because he was nothing but casual. Namjoon seemed to look ridiculously hot in everything he wore. He wore a plain black shirt, revealing his lean biceps and gave way for his broad shoulders, with light blue ripped jeans, which accentuated his legs nicely. You recognize his shirt as a merch from a K-Rock group you like, STB. “Is that an STB shirt?” You lift your head to speak to him, with confidence for the first time, which shocked you a bit moments afterward. “Yes, it is! You like them?” Namjoon spoke excitedly with the biggest grin on his face. “I think my favorite album by STB is ‘Hate Yourself: Him’ but my favorite song by them is probably ‘Cypher -69’. My bias is definitely RM, aka Red Mango.” “My bias is Seokjom, for sure. But I really like that album! I actually like the album, Burnt Wings, a bit better; I like the song, ‘BS&T.’ The choreography is absolutely wild.” You mentioned to Namjoon, hoping that he might care. “Wait, which song is BS&T?” Namjoon questioned. “BS&T is ‘Buns, Salt, & Tomato.’ It’s the song where all the members had an orange mohawk.” You clarified for him, surprised that he didn’t know the acronym for such a beautiful song. “Wait, I know that song! They all looked so good. I was a bit surprised they could all pull off an orange mohawk.” Namjoon chuckled as he placed more papers on your side of the desk. Feeling a bit more confident, you started asking Namjoon questions about himself, “So Namjoon, STB is a bit of a rated musical group. What’s a man like you doing listening to such bold music?” Namjoon seemed surprised when you asked, but it looked like he was happy to answer anyway. “To answer your question, I may be a professor who’s teaching theological morals at a Catholic college, but there’s nothing wrong with observing and occasionally diving in provocative acts.” He started to smirk at you as he leaned slightly closer to you. “But I can ask you the same question, Ms. Y/L/N.” “I, um, I--” You were shocked by such an answer, startled by the possible meaning behind his words. You practically froze in place, scaring yourself as you realize he can see you blushing from this angle. You could barely continue until Namjoon leaned even closer to your face and spoke lightly,  “What’s wrong, Y/N? Cat got your tongue?”. He waited a few moments for you to speak but instead, you quickly faced the ground again, hiding your face which caused him to chuckle. Namjoon stood up and started walked around his desk, “Ya know Y/N, I’ve always noticed you could never look at me for more than a few moments, let alone find the words to speak to me properly. I wondered what caused you to do such things around me.” Namjoon had a sly smile once he sat in the chair right next to you. “Do I make you nervous, Y/N?” He cocked his head to the side in question towards you. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, let alone answer his damn question. You were blushing profusely with embarrassment, but you couldn’t help yourself when he had such an effect on you with just his words. His hand lifted to tilt your chin in the direction of his face softly so that he can see your features. “Answer my question, Y/N,” Namjoon spoke with more force in his tone. “Y-yes” You stumbled over the one word because the feeling of his long fingers under your chins has small shocks moving straight to your core. “Yes, what, Y/N?” Namjoon moved your chin closer to his face, with his eyes taking the time to analyze the shape of your lips. “I’d like to speak a bit more formally with me right now.” You didn’t know what to say, but your mind couldn’t help go to the word that made him shudder and frozen in place. “Yes, s-sir” You felt like you were going to collapse, you just wanted to moan out and just starting begging him to touch you everywhere, but your lingering embarrassment was still in your veins and fresh in your face. “Good girl, I knew that you would get it quickly.” He let his hand fall from your chin to the legs. The pet-name made shivers run down your spine. Namjoon moved to sit in the seat next to you, the seat that Jungkook sat in only a few days ago. It almost caused you to started to squirm in your seat when you felt his ring-covered fingers digging into your thighs. “So tell me Y/N, why do I make you nervous?” The question makes your breathing erratic, The sounds of your breath coming out as heavy and uneven. Namjoon noticed your struggle to breathe, and so he continued, “Are you nervous because you find me attractive? Do I make your knees weak, sweetheart?” You slowly nodded your head, not trusting your voice because you knew the only thing that would come out is a moan. But it felt Namjoon squeezing your thighs, wanting a verbal answer. “Yes sir, you’re all I think about.” “Really? You’re such a sinful girl. Do you know how wrong it is to think of me in such a daring way?” You felt his hands slide under your skirt, moving slowly to your inner thighs. You started to squirm in your hands, needing to have his hands on you. “What is it, Y/N? Do you want me to touch you?” Namjoon’s fingertips moved to follow your panty line, causing you to whine. “Speak up for me, babygirl.” “Please sir, please touch me” You whine to him, slightly opening your legs up for him. As soon as you did that, you felt two fingers graze down your clothed core, only to realize how wet you are. “Such a naughty girl, I haven’t done a single thing to you, and you already ruined your panties” It seems as though Namjoon’s voice went an octave lower, causing you to drench your panties even more. Namjoon suddenly takes his hand from underneath your skirt and grabs your wrist. He stands up and pulls you up along with him, resulting in you standing between him and his desk. He closes the tiny gap between the both of you and grabs your hips with both hands to push you up on his desk. Namjoon slides his hand back to your core, moving your panties to the side to dip his fingers in your drenched folds. You sigh in nothing but relief because finally, your daydreams are coming true. You’re getting what you truly need, receiving the thing that will finally sedate the hunger that’s been haunting you for too many goddamn nights. The cheering in your head was momentarily interrupted when a shockwave runs through your body as you felt Namjoon press his thumb your clit. “Are you nervous now Y/N? Are you embarrassed with yourself?” Namjoon sneers his words as his thumb starts to create circles on your clit. He buries himself in your neck, leaving teasing pecks all the column of your throat. Your hands start covering your mouth, trying to conceal the moans that falling out. But Namjoon doesn’t like this one bit, so his other hand leaves your hips to grab your wrist with a tight grip and held it behind your lower back. He whispers in your ear, “Don’t hide yourself babygirl. Don’t you want people to hear you? You were definitely loud earlier with Jungkook. Did you want me to hear you, Y/N?” Namjoon lets his thumb fall your needy nub. He starts dipping his finger in your hole, moving it teasingly slow so he can bask in your whines. You nodded your head furiously, doing anything to get him to move faster. You might explode from the teasing that you’re starting to endure. But again, Namjoon didn’t like what you just did. So he shoves two fingers into your heat, until he’s knuckle-deep, only to still them completely. “Answer me right now or I wouldn’t fucking move.” You cry out from the sudden intrusion and shudder at the foreign feeling of coolness touching your walls caused by his rings. You force yourself to muster up an answer as your hips start buckling, “Y-yes sir, I-I wanted you to know.” Namjoon starts a slow pace with his fingers, curling them on the spot inside you, causing you to fall instantly on his desk. You start losing control of your free-falling moans at the feeling his rings sliding in and out of you. He just started, but you feel the coil in your stomach getting tighter quickly. “I wonder what everyone might think, to have such an unholy girl walk on our campus. To have someone among us, who is so easily influenced by their desires. A person that's willing to do anything to achieve them, even if it means getting finger-fucked in a messy closet or by your professor.” His pace starts getting faster, pulling his fingers all the way out only to slam them in deep within a second, making you lose all control over your moans. Your walls start clenching your fingers as the coil in your stomach gets ready to snap. You can barely understand how he’s got you so close in record time. His smirk was cocky as the soft tone of his voice meets your ears. “Babygirl, how are you ready so fast? Were you thinking about me doing this to you today? You probably think about me doing bad things to you often, huh?” “Yes! Yes! I do Sir, all the time” You cry out at the sudden urge to answer his question, hoping that would please him. “Are you gonna cum, Y/N? Are you gonna cum on my fingers shoved inside your needy little cunt? You better fucking beg for it” Namjoon snarled slightly at the words. “Please, sir! Please, let me cum. I’ll be so good for you. Sir. Please” Your legs start trembling uncontrollably as your high gets so damn close. “Then cum for me, babygirl,” You were a bit thrown off at the sudden change in tone from slightly rough to completely gentle. But your mind stopped working as Namjoon presses his thumb hard against your clit, snapping your coil. You felt your blood turn into lava as your high blessed your senses completely. Never have you came hard from someone’s fingers but Namjoon seemed to prove you wrong. There were only a few short moments of stillness before his fingers left your heat and started to rip off your blouse and skirt, leaving you in your bra and panties. Namjoon stepped back to take in your appearance, only to broadcast a small loving smile on his face. But his words immediately put you on edge again once they left his lips. “Babygirl, I can’t wait to ruin you.” His smile morphed into a sinister grin as he rushed back you and sent your bra flying across the room. He pulled open your legs and tore your panties off. He immediately got on his knees, so he was facing your sopping cunt. Namjoon traces the outline of your folds that send a wave of shivers throughout your body from the oversensitivity. “N-namjoon, please. I c-can’t”, but he immediately hushed your whimpers. You did something he didn’t enjoy, again. His unoccupied hand went straight to grip your chin harshly, and he sent a stare that both scared and excited you. “What did you just call me?” He growls as his intense gaze sends multiple spikes of adrenaline throughout your veins. “Sir please, I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” You spoke softly, not wanting to provoke him in any way. “Well unfortunately for you, Y/N, I already know that you can...” Namjoon’s voice went an octave lower as both hands sneaked their way to your calf muscles. “... And you will, anyway.” Before you could say anything, Namjoon dragged your legs forward and let go, letting them hang off the desk. He moved to tightly grip your hips and repeat a similar action, pulling your hips towards his face. Instantly, he dove into your core and licked a bold strip between your folds before his tongue started hitting your clit. Your moans were strained and filled the room as you arch your back. The pleasure was just so raw, you felt it throughout your body, and it was intoxicating. You thought it couldn’t get any better, Namjoon pushed his fingers moved back to your entrance, and you clenched at the feeling, whining loudly as your thighs shook. His fingers moved at a furious pace, hitting your sweet spot hard each time. “Goddamnit babygirl, how are you still so tight? I wonder, did Jungkook made you this wet? Did he make you cum this fast?” Namjoon started to groan when your walls were clutching harder onto his fingers. When you didn’t answer his question, his other hand smacked your ass, and you cried out. The pain of his ring-covered hands spanking your cheeks only added to the immense pleasure that you could barely handle. Your second orgasm was approaching, but you can hardly hold yourself together. “Answer me when I’m fucking talking to you” Namjoon’s voice dripped in raspiness. No man has ever been rough with you at this point, but Namjoon was seriously making you rethink all your preferences. “N-no Sir, Jungkook didn’t make me cum. H-he didn’t make me wet. You did, it’s a-all for you, Sir.” You barely had any control over the shakiness in your voice, but you didn’t care, not with the way he’s making you feel right now. “Awh babygirl, you’re so damn dirty. Thinking of another man when you’re being touched by someone else? I didn’t know you needed me so fucking bad.” His words continued igniting a fire that was growing through every part of your body. Namjoon was right, his words were exact. You’d do anything for this man, and you don’t think you can even go back to anyone else. Your thoughts were confirmed when he added a third finger to the mix, sending you straight to the end. Your release was fast approaching, but your hazy mind told you that you wouldn’t experience absolute bliss until you asked. “Sir please, can I please cum? I w-want it so bad” you whined for relief, you needed it so badly. “Such a good girl, asking for permission. Go ahead, cum for me.” As soon as the words left his mouth, your mind went foggy as the instantaneous pleasure migrate throughout your body, causing your body to fall limp. You felt exhaustion ease into your body, not noticing the sound of Namjoon unbuckling his jeans, or his pants falling to the floor. Your attention returned when he lifted you off the desk, only to turn you around and bend you over his desk. He held a vise-grip on your hips and pushed you against him. You felt his hard cock right behind your cheeks of your ass. “S-sir, I’m so sensitive.” You sighed in fatigue, only to have that interrupted by the feeling of his tip at your entrance. “Isn’t this what you want, Y/N?...” Namjoon slowly pushed himself all the way into your hole, having you mewl in oversensitivity. The cock was so thick, and you haven’t felt anyone so deep inside you, touching parts of you that you never knew needed to be touched. Namjoon groaned in pleasure, your hole tight around his cock. The exhilaration took his breath away briefly, momentarily forgetting about his surroundings. After of few moments of letting both of you adjust to the snug fit, he pulled all the way out, only to slam right back into you. Namjoon continued to speak with a bit of strain, “... To get fucked on my fat cock? To have me fuck you so damn hard that you pass out? Because that’s what I’m gonna do, I wouldn’t stop until you fucking pass out.” Your eyes welled up with tears of pleasure as his hard-hitting pace grew faster. Your moans turned into screams due to the massive amount of pleasure building in your stomach. Your senses were completely overloaded, and you felt fucking everything. “Look at you, taking my cock so fucking well. Letting me stretch out your greedy little cunt.” The growl of his words sounded sinister. You suddenly felt one of his hands leave your hip, slithering its way to your throat; he spread his fingers out as he wrapped them around your neck. Your withering walls clamped hard around his cock at the feeling, causing him to groan as loud as your screams. “Are you gonna cum for me, Y/N? Are you gonna cum hard on my cock?” Namjoon spoke as his grip on your throat became tighter, and his pace became harder. The insufficient amount of oxygen to your brain left you to choke out an answer, “Yes! Yes, sir!” “Then do it, cum all over my cock, babygirl” He releases his grip on your throat, letting the air race back into your lungs and head; almost immediately, you scream out a constant mantra of Namjoon’s name as your high hit you like a freight train. Your entire body shook as your mind went blank of only white burning pleasure. Your whole being was in a trance of nirvana, all you could do is bask in the sensations that froze the blood in your body. You could barely feel Namjoon pulling out and turning you around to face him, the daze having you laid there as you sigh in relief. However, it was interrupted completely when Namjoon turns grabs you by the thighs and lifts you, only to have you straddle his lap while he sits in the chair you previously sat in. Your eyes glanced and almost bulge out of their sockets when you see he was still as hard as a fucking rock. “N-namjoon, I--” Your shaky sentence was already cut short when you felt Namjoon’s cock against your leaking folds. “One more, sweetheart,” He cupped your tear-stained, blushing cheeks in the palms of his hands. Your eyes slowly glanced up to look into his, only to find a tenderness to them. Namjoon started to place soft kisses along both sides of your jawline. “I promise, okay?” As Namjoon spoke, he moved to gaze into your eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort. From the warmth in his tone and tenderness in his eyes, you nodded your head with a weak “okay.” Namjoon lifted you slightly only as he moved his one of his hands to rest his tip your entrance. The hand that was cupping cheeks pull you closer to his face, letting him plant the first actual kiss of the night. His lips were plush and soft against yours; his gentle kiss left you with a warmth growing in your chest, leading you to chase his lips for more. You tangled your fingers in his hair, tugging ever so slightly, causing him to moan. His lips distract you as he slowly pushed back inside you. You broke the kiss to shake out a broken gasp. Your oversensitivity left your body shuddering uncontrollably, along with whimpers falling from your agape mouth. Namjoon stays still for a few moments, placing kisses all over your neck and face with constant reassurances of how lovely you are. He rubbed your back, to comfort you. These actions left you confused; you were quite honestly dumbstruck at the sudden sexual change from rough to gentle. Namjoon started to move; his thrusts were nothing like the recent occasion. Instead of hard-hitting pace, he moved slowly and passionately; he wasn’t thrusting roughly, Namjoon grinded his cock into you at a pace where it seemed like he wanted to savor each moment he had with you. His grinding movement limited the amount of stimulation you felt, letting your high build at a slow pace. “Sweetheart, you’re doing such a good job, taking me so well.” Namjoon moved his lips to whispered in your ear, “You feel so good around me, so tight and wet. You’re such a good girl.” As he continues moaning praises into your ear, his pace started becoming uneven and sloppy. His breathing pattern became heavier and strained as he spoke, “Come on sweetheart, cum with me. You can do it, just let go.” Namjoon grinded his hips upward, hitting your clit in the process which caused you to snap and reach your high. You were only aware of body violently trembling as your orgasm soars through you. Your release was prolonged, as Namjoon colored your swollen walls in white, burying his head into your neck as he groans in the process. Both of you stay still in comforting silence, the sounds of erratic breathing only filling the room. After a few moments, Namjoon stands up to carefully lifts your body off of him, pulling out in the process, and lays you on his desk. He grabs a few tissues and opens your legs gently to clean the leaking cum from your heat cautiously. You’re unaware of your surroundings or Namjoon as you were completely and utterly fucked out. You were barely conscious when he sits you up and tries to get water down your throat. You start to come back to life when you felt your skirt being pulled onto you. You realize Namjoon put your clothes back on you, surprised at such the kind behavior. “Namj-joon...” You weren’t necessarily shocked to find your voice to be small and weak. Namjoon chuckled at the sound of your voice, “Well hi there, you were bit dazed out for a few minutes there. I was afraid that I actually fucked your brains out.” You huffed out, “I c-can’t help it, I came four times. I still feel a bit hazy honestly.” You moved to stand up, but your legs gave out on you, causing you to almost fall to the ground. Thankfully, Namjoon was quick enough to catch you.

“Woah there, you gotta be careful Y/N.” Namjoon lifts you back to his desk and hands you a water bottle while shooting you a smile, “Give yourself a few moments to breathe a bit and whenever you’re ready, I’ll get some food with you and walk you back to your apartment.” Namjoon starts to fix himself up a bit more afterward. You did by drinking the water steadily, relaxing your breathing a bit every few sips. While doing so, you decided looked at your phone, checking for any possible notifications you missed. You stifle a laugh when you look at the time, encountering a large number of messages from Jungkook, saying something along of the “where are you?” and “did you fucking dip on me?” and only to see that it’s 2 hours past the time you were supposed to meet up with the boy. You text him a quick “sorry :/, but i’m out” and put your phone down. You look around Namjoon’s desk, and you end up sighing in slight frustration. The essays you were supposed to grade were all over the place, and some papers even covered in sweat. Namjoon notices you looking around at the essays, so he turns towards you and speaks, “You don’t have to worry about that right now.” Unsure of what exactly to say, you decide to ask him questions about your possible grading, “Wait really? Are you sure?” “Yeah, it’s no problem Y/N” Namjoon walks to you, wrapping his arm around your waist. He pulls you down from the desk so that you’re standing steadily due to his grip. You glanced up to his towering face to find a cocky smirk. He starts chuckling as he walks you out of his office, “You just have to come in this weekend and grade them with me instead.”

[mcgrathandwives]

Someone To Lean On.

Request: 🏳️‍🌈HAPPY MONTH!🏳️‍🌈 I was wondering if it's possible for you to write a coming out piece? With the Avengers? Perhaps your family found out and it wasn't exactly the best so you had Nat or Wanda take you back to the compound and you tell everyone what happend? The Avengers being like your second family and they shower you in support? Include Carol, Nebula and Gamora too please?

A/n: reader's in their 20s. They don't live with their parents but visit every weekend or every month when they have time off. Low-key based on my coming out, but obviously it's changed up a little for the benefit of the fact my coming out was angsty af.

I DONT OWN MARVEL OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS.

Word count: 3,399

Pairing: The Avengers x Reader.

--

The sun setting crept its way through the window, Natasha leaned against your doorframe as you finished packing your bag. "You ready kid?" She offered to drop you off before making her way out to meet Maria for drinks. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you squeezed by the assassin. "Y'know I'm far from a kid, Romanoff!"

Quickly you bid the others goodbye, Carol pulled you into a quick hug, whispering "Good luck." She knew how tough your family can be after a mission. Luckily you weren't too banged up this week, but that didn't mean there wasn't fresh wounds.

The drive to your childhood home was mostly quiet, Natasha did sing along to a few songs on the radio just to cheer you up a little. She's always without a doubt brought a smile to your face, at first it started as a crush- only on your part of course, she is the Black Widow after all.

But still, she took you under her wing, she became your mentor and then watched you get flustered around Wanda. Nat's been your number one since you joined the team, she really treats you like family.

Pulling up outside the house, she offers you a small smile, reaching over to hug you. "If you need anything I'm just a call away, kid."

"Thanks Nat. Don't flirt with Hill too much now." You left the car giggling at her face. It's really not a secret to you that Natasha has a thing for Maria so to make up for her teasing you about Wanda you gotta give her a little taste of her own medicine.

You did learn from the best, after all.

---

Laughter echoed around the house the second you opened the door, the smile on your face never leaving. You made your way to greet everyone and let your mom scan over your injuries, it killed you know how upset they made her but she was proud of you for doing your job, even if she didn't agree with it. You retired to your bedroom an hour or so after getting home.

The next day you woke up to a few texts from Wanda, she was wondering if you'd be interested in attending the pride parade with her and the other Avengers. Naturally you said yes, with the parade being on Monday you didn't have to cancel any family plans and it would be the first time you attended the parade since coming out so it brought a new excitement to the event.

Later in the day you helped your mom with some grocery shopping and stopped for a few photos with different people and the drive back was full of laughter as you both sang along to whatever playlist your siblings made.

You helped your dad prep for dinner as your siblings did some chores around the house. "Any plans this week Y/n?"

You were hesitant to mention going to pride with the others, you weren't exactly out and proud around your family. That's not to say all of your family didn't know, after all, the Avengers knew and they've never been more supportive, Tony and Steve have spent many an hour trying to help you work out how to 'come out' to your family.

Wanda and Carol were there for every failed attempt. Bucky, Sam and Clint were more than happy to lend you a shoulder to cry on every time you freaked out about coming out.

Nebula and Gamora had also spent a good bit of time with you, Nebula understood where you were coming from the most, she knew disappointment better than anyone. Gamora however didn't understand why you didn't just tell them like you did with her.

Thor, however, he was always willing to pretend to be your boyfriend for as long as you needed, he joked about it a lot. He was there on one occasion listening to way your dad spoke about the LGBT+ community. He understood your apprehension and did try his hardest to help you, that even mean introducing you to Brunnhilde. She didn't quite grasp the difficulty of it since she wasn't fully up-to-date on Earth's prejudices. Nevertheless, she offered her best advice as well as her time- she's one of the few people you knew that was actually out and didn't care what anyone had to say.

Natasha though?

She's been there for every second of it, from being the first person you came out to, holding your hand through every other moment of coming out to the team. She's been there for every heartbreak and she's held your hand through it all, she knew how nervous you were about being judged based on your sexuality. She knew all the stories from your school days to actually hearing first hand your family's opinion on some members of the LGBT+ community.

The team is incredibly supportive and proud of you and they made sure you knew it.

Being partly out and in the closet at the same time brings enough challenges, you're a big believer in only coming out when you, and you alone, decide when it's time.

"Em, not much actually. We have a few missions here and there and the pride parade."

Your dad stopped for a second before shaking his head, "Well, we'll have to discuss that after dinner. I can't have you getting hurt out there." His comment wasn't exactly harsh nor was it comforting, you weren't sure if he was talking about your missions or the parade but you brushed it to the side, focusing on peeling the veggies.

---

After dinner you offered to do the washing up, seeing it as an opportunity to build yourself up. To give you that final push, to come out to your parents. Half way through your inner pep talk your dad walked in, your mom following. "So pride huh?" The conversation barely started and already it struck a hint of anxiety through you.

"Yup!" You could feel the confidence drain from you quickly, "You and the Avengers?"

"Uh huh. It was Tony's idea that we be there." Your stomach was knotted with every word, heat rushing all over you. "For protection?" Your mom was quick to jump in, "Y'know for the gays? Instead of cops?"

Your arm reached behind your head, scratching at your neck, "Well partly but mostly to just celebrate. Since some of us-" Before you could finish, your dad cut you off.

"What do you have to celebrate? I don't understand why you'd be there if it's not for protection? It's not like you're going to show support for any of your friends, they clearly aren't going for your support either. I just don't understand why you'd be there."

All you could hear was your heartbeat increasing, to the point you were convinced that they could hear it too before you could process what your dad was saying you just blurted it out.

"I'M GAY!"

At that moment you watched your dad lose all self-control he had, his nostrils flared as his face went red. "How could you even know that?", "You haven't even lived your life enough to know that!", "Is it a phase? Is one your little Avenger buddies gay too?", "You don't have enough life experience to even consider being gay!" He was firing questions and statements left and right, each one getting louder.

You weren't sure if you were hurt or angry but either way, tears threatened to fall. Your back straightened, you were in flight or fight mode now and you've never backed down from a fight. "How can you even ask me that? How can you even say that!"

Your mom inched herself closer to you. "It's not a fucking phase! I've known for years! And yeah actually I do have 'enough' life experience to know my own fucking self!" By now you’d both gotten in each other's faces, flashbacks of past arguments swirled through your head as tears brimmed your eyes, this was it. "You're not gay. You can't be."

Tears started to fall freely, that it seemed to only anger your dad more, "Why are you crying? What is this not what you wanted? Not what you expected? Did you think we weren't going to have an adult conversation about this? You're too fucking young to know Y/n!" The tears fell faster now as your chest started to burn.

‘How could he be like this?’

‘What happened to I'll always support you without judgment?'

"Welcome to the real world! Not everyone is just going to take what you have to say and not question it! I'm in my given right to ask this! Stop! Fucking! Crying!"

Anger bubbled its way through you, "FUCK YOU!" Your mom froze, she'd be in many arguments with you and your dad before but never once had you really spoke to him like this, no bratty attitude, not snide comments just a firm tone. "I WAS FUCKING SCARED TO COME OUT! BECAUSE I KNEW. I KNEW YOU'D REACT LIKE THIS!" Admittedly his scoff hurt more than his words. "You and your generation, you all think you're entitled to have the flags out, and everyone claps for every little achievement you've made! I knew! I already knew! But here you have to announce it like it's news! Grow the fuck up!" Your mom managed to make her way between the pair of you, creating enough distance, she knew neither of you would try anything now. She had created a gap for you to get out of the room.

You couldn't take anymore, the shouting mixed with your panic attack burned your throat. Your chest felt like it was on fire and no matter how hard you wiped your eyes the tears wouldn't stop. Making a break for your room, you grabbed your phone, dialing the first number you could.

----

"Hello? Y/n?" Wanda's voice was laced with worry, panic washed over the other Avenger as you choked on a sob. "I-I need you to come, get me." She knew you could hear the muffled movements just like she could hear your dad shouting, Wanda stayed on the call with you, hearing everything your dad was saying, she refused to hang up when your mom came in and everything had gone quiet.

Whilst listening to your conversation, she ran to Natasha's room, banging on the door. The redhead answered with messy hair and a glare that could kill. "This better be an emergency Wanda."

"It's, Y/n, they need us. Now." The minute Natasha heard your name she was grabbing sweatpants and her keys, "C’mon then!"

By the time they got to your house, they could hear more shouting, "IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR YOU'RE DONE!" The wooden door swung open, revealing you in a fit of tears, barely able to walk in a straight line due to your blurry vision. Wanda rushed to your side, whilst Natasha made her way in front of your dad. "Move an inch and see what happens!" Her tone, cold, she left once Wanda had you in the car.

The ride back was silent, apart from your sniffles and worried glances they'd thrown in your direction. You finally passed out in the back once you passed the old tower. When you arrived back at the compound, Wanda carried your bag, as Natasha pulled you into her arms, carrying you to her room.

After assuring Wanda that you'd be okay with her, Nat finally crawled in beside you. "I know you're awake Y/n." Rolling yourself into her, you let the sobs free. May spent the next two hours running her fingers through your hair, whispering little nothings to calm you down.

"I- I came out and they- he didn't like it." The assassins arms tightened around you. "We don't have to talk about it until tomorrow okay? Right now let's just try getting some sleep."

---

The next morning Natasha woke up with a numb arm, your body clung to her like your life depended on it. It killed her seeing you like this, tear tracks stained your face, your hair in a million knots, you never passed out until 3ish and Nat, well she was up and down for the next hour with you. Slowly she untangled you from her. Pulling the larger blanket over you, she decided to make you something for breakfast and call the others.

Shortly after Nat left, you woke up. Hoping last night was one horrible dream, the lack of photos on the wall however, only confirmed that you were definitely not at your parents. Your head was pounding, violently, the events still playing in your head. Tears blurred your vision again, and you tightly grabbed the blanket that was given. It smelled faintly like Natasha, calming you down a bit. You just needed a minute to collect yourself before explaining the colossal fuck up of events that took place last night.

Admittedly you weren't sure what you were more scared of, the reactions of the others to finding out what happened or the fact that your dad had finally managed to cut you deeper than any blade ever could, whilst your mom just stood there.

That sinking feeling you've felt all your life had grown, leaving you feeling heavier than ever.

---

As Y/n was still trying to build up the confidence to leave Natasha's room, the Avengers had all huddled around the island in the kitchen. All of them worried for you, "They finally did it and it went worse than they thought it would." Bucky and Peter were the first on their feet, making their way to the door. They were greeted by Nebula and Gamora, both of them wearing a threatening glare, with a flick of her finger Nebula had both of them turn back towards the group.

"So what do we do?" Steve wasn't all too familiar with this situation, but he cared for you deeply, he saw you as family and he only wanted to help. Everyone broke into conversation about a cheer up plan.

----

After an hour everyone had agreed the best way to help you was for you to tell them what you needed. Instead of them firing in all of these different ideas, it was a madhouse at the best of times but with grown adults shouting about movie days or theme parks, then of course Peter piping in with ice cream and Groot contributed beautifully by leaving because it was too loud for him- it took Natasha being picked up by Carol for everyone to shut up. So they all found themselves going about their own business waiting for you to come to them.

Another hour passed before you emerged from Natasha's room, wearing sweats and a borrowed sweater from Tony, your hair was still damp from the shower and everyone could see how exhausted you were but you knew if you didn't come out then they'd crowd you in the bedroom. You didn't need any more anxiety so you braved it.

Before you could greet anyone Gamora made her way over to you, pulling you into a hug. Nebula copied her sister's actions and soon so did everyone else, Brunnhilde snuck her way in closer to as Wanda's arms tightened around your waist. Tears fell freely from you, the group hug was admittedly a little claustrophobic but definitely needed.

Once everyone had untangled themselves from you, you found yourself being pulled into the strong arms of Thor. Each of the team, spent the next 10 minutes, pulling you into individual hugs, trying to remind you that they've got you- without overwhelming you with the same sentence. Peter held you a little longer than the others, once he pulled back he flashed you an awkward smile, the both of you were the youngest of the team and had a close sibling-like relationship. He held your wrists before saying, "Consider it from Aunt May too." He let out a small "Oof" when you pulled him back into you.

Carol dragged you over to the couch before throwing herself down beside Wanda, she pulled you down between them, cuddling into you. The room fell into a comfortable silence, the others retired to their rooms after a few movies and once you reassured them you'd be okay, you stayed between the heroes, barely paying attention to the movie.

Your thoughts were consumed with every interaction you've had in the last 24 hours. From the argument, you had with your parents to the comforting embrace of Carol Danvers. In the moment you realized that it didn't matter what you'd have to deal with in your life as long as you had the Avengers you'd be okay.

You'd have someone to lean on.

Someone to be there to pick you up when you're down.

You'd have someone in your corner. In this case, it turned out you had the world's and well technically the universe's strongest beings in your corner.

Wanda listened to your thoughts with a small smile on her face, she wasn't trying to invade your personal space- she was worried and rightfully so. She adored you, so much so, that she'd do anything to help you. She had a bit of a crush of course she did. How could she not? But you didn't need someone like that in your life right now. You need support, unconditional love and she was more than ready to throw every ounce of it she had at you.

---

Monday rolled around quicker than you thought, everyone was getting ready for the parade when you walked out sporting the rainbow design on your suit. Natasha offered to paint one on your face but you declined since your suit was basically a walking flag. Carol, Thor, Steve, and Bucky were all sporting their flags as their suits, Brunnhilde swapper her blue cape for her new cape designed to look like the Bi flag- Bruce finished it this morning, whilst everyone else wrapped flags over their shoulders or painted their faces. Hill walked in making a direct B-line to you, pulling you into her, it'd been a while since you'd seen each other. She apologized for not being here with you sooner and promised a proper catch up after the parade.

Everyone was ready to leave, you were just waiting on Tony, Pepper, and Wanda. Wanda walked out smiling sporting a rainbow jacket, instead of her red leather one, Tony and Pepper wore their suits which were covered in stickers.

The parade went spectacularly and the after party at the compound- courtesy of the Avengers LGBTQ+ charity, Pepper and Maria set up: 'to fund shelters, safe houses and more for all LGBTQ+ beings across the globe', was in full swing. Everyone was laughing, joking and enjoying themselves. There was all sorts going on, photobooths, photoshoots with the different Avengers, a dance party, food and drinks, face painting, etc. Everyone was just enjoying their day, celebrating everything they've fought for in their lives to be who they are, being out and proud about their story and their own history. It was inspiring.

It was beautiful.

It was hopeful.

It was loud too and you needed a second to yourself.

Excusing yourself from the group, making your way out to the balcony. Watching the sun setting in the distance, casting a golden-pinkish glow over the city. The birds chirped a little louder and the soft wind ghosted over the trees. You finally released your breath, the events of the weekend once again playing in your head. Your family should be here, they should be but they weren't and it hurt, your dad hadn't once reached out to you, your mom barely spoke to you when she did and your siblings, well they called and promised they'd visit after the parade- you're getting lunch with them tomorrow. It still stung that you couldn't share this experience with them.

But everyone in there, everyone that stood by you today, they made it all that bit easier. The fact that you have this whole other chosen family, people and beings that just want you around because you are, who you are.

Because you're being yourself. They're all the support you need. All the love you could ever want.

It'll all feel easier in time, you knew that. It'll hurt less in time.

[im-tops-bottom]

An idea my sleep deprived mind came up with

After the stupid civil war, Tony spends more time making better suits and weapons for everyone.

Thor and Bruce had returned a year later saying Loki tricked them and had been working alongside their sister Hela who destroyed Asgard. Now they are heading for earth with Thanos. They're bringing the war to them.

So yeah Tony Stark became real busy. Especially since he had to not only organize Pepper and Natasha's wedding, but also bring the rogues back, attend SI meetings and make new products for the company to sell. Sleep left his dictionary and was replaced with more energy drinks and more coffee.

At least he had Shuri and Peter to help take some of the load. Those alphas are going to grow up to be the best the world has ever seen. Tony is proud of them.

A week later the rogues return, Tony manages to organize several different products and a few updates on previous ones to keep the board happy for the remainder of the year, get at least one new suit for each hero and all new tech courtesy of the kids (especially when Harley came over for a visit and got several new types of arrows organized), and also managed to get a 3 hour sleep on there.

After everything was done, a day later was the wedding. Tony had ignored the rogues, the paps and anyone else who he didn't deem family. It was pretty much easy as he mainly kept to himself in his isolated corner. It was better when it was nearing close to midnight and everyone was tipsy amd chatting away, he had left to return back to the compound.

A couple of days later everyone decided to do some training, well mostly everyone.

"Thor have you seen Tony? He should be here training"

"he has barely left his lab. Always looking for better ways to upgrade everything for when Thanos finally reaches us. None of us know exactly what Thanos is bringing so it'll be best to be better prepared"

Steve frowns before rolling his eyes and giving up. Ever since everyone found out about Steve's secret and wjat happened im sibera, Steve had been working non stop to seek forgiveness from his team. Ever since finding out from Thor and Bruce that Tony had been right all along he had been seeking Tony's forgiveness for everything. It had been a difficult process since Tony hates Steve and is terrified of Bucky. He Huff's as he starts training.

The next day is when everything turns to shit. Tony finally decides to join everyone for lunch when Loki Grace's them with his presence. All his attention had mainly been on Tony which made everyone nervous.

"what do you want green bean?"

"only to make the battlefield even"

"what do you mean by that?"

"we need to take Earth's greatest defender down a notch or two"

"good luck taking down Captain America"

"who says it was him?"

Tony gets sent across the room via green magic hitting him. He growls as he stands up. He drops a few seconds later as he has an urge to vomit.

"that should do the trick"

"what did you do to Tony?"

"a person can't fight if they're pregnant. Now hmmm who should I make the father?? Oooh I know"

That night Tony had locked himself away in his room not letting anyone aside from vision who can go through walls in. After a panic attack followed with a massive rant, vision had calmed him down saying it wasn't good for the baby.

"you'll work something out tony Stark. You always do."

The problem with all of this was that Tony was a firm believer in bonding with someone first before having a baby. He always had beta's to get him through his heats just in case. Now not only is he having a baby whose father is the winter soldier but said alpha is buddied up with boyfriend Captain alpha tight pants. How is an unmated omega sub (he was really into BDSM) meant to cope having a baby. All sorts of emotions and hormones are going to be kicking in soon. He was not prepared.

"those two alphas can go get fucked if they think I'll let them anywhere near me. I'll let them see the baby once it pops out but until then they can stay away from me"

"Tony maybe you should sit down and half a civilized talk with them. anyone you want can be there with you while you guys clear the air. After that maybe you could think about everything with a clear head"

Tony sighs as he lays down with his head om Jarvis lap.

"your right. I'm sorry about being closed off. I never meant to but I'm just scared and angry."

"it's understandable now go shower and we'll go and get the both of you something to eat."

3 months later tony is sick of everyone. They are too careful around Tony. Do everything around the house. Does the heavy lifting for everything. Makes sure Tony eats and sleeps properly. Banned him from alcohol and coffee. Amd have tried to push him to talk with the super soldiers. Everyone except Pepper and Nat who is always present whenever tony is alome with the soldiers.

Tony relaxes on the couch one night while watching a movie. He tenses as he feels Wanda's presence. She sits at the far end of the couch to start off with and then Tony feels a headache come on as she slowly slides down the cpuch towards him. In frustration he turns his head amd growls as he watches her eye his stomach.

"would you just hurry up and get over here dammit"

Wanda smiles as she slides all the way down. She slowly raises her hand and it annoys Tony so he quickly grabs it and places it softly on his tummy. They both jolt in surprise.

"did the baby just?"

"yeah I think they did"

"wow"

"I know right"

They sit there and watch a new movie while smiling everytime there was movement. They snuggled up laughing amd chatting away before they got into the serious conversation Tony had been holding off since the two met. Afrer crying and hugging they returned back to their original position and carried on watching the movie.

After the 4th movie played, Wanda in all her beta goodness tried to keep a tense Tony calm. It didn't take long to find out why he was tense when she looked up and saw a growling Bucky amd a worried Steve.

"get away from him witch"

"Steve take your guard dog and get out of here. She's allowed tobe here"

"tony I don't thi-"

"you don't ever think and that's your problem not mine"

Everyone tensed as Bucky's growling got louder as he got closer to Wanda. Wanda sighed amd looked at Tony. They have a silent conversation before nodding. Wanda gets up after kissing Tony's stomach and head.

"have a good night Tony"

"yeah you two Wanda".

Tony watched Wanda leave before glaring at Bucky who completely ignored him and sat on the couch and dragged Tony onto his lap. He was trying to figure out what Bucky was doing until it was too late.

"WHAT THE FUCK JAMES? DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST DO THAT? STEVE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DONT GET HIM OUT OF HERE I WILL KILL HIM"

Steve rolled his eyes as he sat on the couch and nuzzled Tony as well. His had held Bucky's while they laid it on Tony's tummy.

"I'm gonna murder the both of you in your sleep"

"we need to talk Tony"

"you come in here, scare a kid-"

"she's not a kid"

"away, amd then mark your god damn territory! Seriously! Now I'm gonna be smelling like the both of you animals"

Bucky growled as he nipped Tony's shoulder letting out a "good" before carrying Tony back to his and Steve's bed where they lay claim and Mark Tony over and over again until their scents become one.

The next day while the soldiers sleep Tony heads over to Wanda's room. She smells him and says "oh no" before calling the girls. Food, drinks, chick flicks, games, blankets and a few other things come along as the girls have a girl's day in with Tony. Tony tells them what had happened and the girl pamper him which calms him down. He smiles as he gets a massage from Nat while Pepper is painting his toe nails amd Maria is doing his finger nails.

Tony tenses as there's a frantic knock at the door. May opens it up as Thor rushes in saying that Tony needs to head down to the medical bay quick. Tony and the girls follow Thor quickly and 10 minutes later tony is a mess again.

"Loki did this? I'm gonna kill someone real soon."

Turns out tony is gonna have two babies. Both girls. One belongs to Bucky and the other belongs to Steve. Speaking of the two, they rush into the room along with everyone else. Tony yells at them and then explains to everyone who didn't know, what had happened. Clint points out that Loki must have known what happened.

With much reluctance Tony allows Steve to carry him back to the super soldier room so they can cuddle some more. The cuddling turned out to be more scenting, more claiming, more marking. Tony says fuck it and bites Steve and Bucky's bond marks right back. Hard enough that they bleed for a minute before healing which shocks the soldiers.

"you want me? Okay sure. But I'm going to make it a living hell for the both of you. You wanna talk? Fine lets talk. Talking starts now."

Alot of yelling amd talkimg comes into play and everyone says what they need to say. Tears and pain come in but no one gives a shit as they finally clear the air. Tony makes an effort to let them know that babies and bonding doesn't change anything and they need to work real hard for his forgiveness and trust. They promise they will.

"do you also promise to not tear Wanda's head off Everytime she is near me?"

"that witch messed with you. She is still an untrained Hydra agent who has powers. No"

"fine I'll get her a tutor who can train her. I'll ask Xavier or Stephen to help out. Once she is trained then can we sit down for cuddles and watch movies eith the girls in peace?"

"fine but Friday will keep an eye on you guys"

"ugh fine"

Months later finds Tony go into labour while everyone fights thanos and his army. Captain Marvel comes in and saves the day and breaks Loki and hela from thanos'hold much to Thor's relief.

Steve and Bucky race into the hospital room and stand guard as they watch Tony give birth to two adorable pups. One with blond hair and another with brown. After Tony scents them, he passes them to Steve snf Bucky so they can scent them as well. They take the babies while Tony gets some rest amd introduce them to their new family.

As Tony falls asleep hr smiles at his mates knowing nothing will be the same ever again. It also didn't help that Bucky said they plan on properly getting Tony pregnant.

5 years later finds a hectic mummy Tony running making breakfast while everyone takes a baby each to bathe, change amd feed. Tony is pissed off because of his stupid mates.

"20! I HAVE 20 FUCKEN CHILDREN! 10 EACH! AMD YOU TWO STILL WANT MORE! AM I RUNNING A SCHOOL HERE! IM SURE THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! I HATE YOU TWO"

"language honey. There are children around"

"and besides. We did say that our families were known for giving birth to more than 2 children at a time. We can't help that it probably double due to the serum"

"Steve was fine. I had 2 to 4 children. YOU ON THE OTHER HAND! I GAVE BIRTH TO 9 OF THOSE LITTLE RUNTS! 9 BUCKY! WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Bucky laughs as he walks over to Tony and hugs him. He places his hand over Tony's tummy and lets out a happy sigh.

"and I have 8 more on the way"

"and then it'll be my turn"

"it sure will Stevie. It sure will"

"I really really hate the both of you"

"hey! It comes with benefits. You aren't doing much work now as everyone else is having fun doing it for your and loving their Jobs, you are also hurt free, and have a proper eatinf and sleeping schedule."

"we also get to spend more time with you with lots of cuddling."

"I feel like if I wasn't an Omega then you guys would have just tied me down to the bed amd kept an eye on me 24/7 so I couldn't leave"

"if we didn't love the feeling of seeing you with our pups then that would have been a guarantee. Our kink? Pregnant Tony"

"even better kink, our Tony pregnant with our pups,,"

"now since breakfast is ready, eat up sweetie because we are horny"

"I'm five seconds away from fucking Tony on the kitchen table. Do we have to wait.?"

"well no"

"great"

Bucky picks up Tony who yelps and carries him away. Steve stands there and stares at everyone.

"right. I'll grab our breakfast and everyone can dish themselves out some."

Steve races to their room with food and drinks in hand....well on a tray

[goodnightkisseu]

Lai Guanlin - Engulf

Requested By: Anon ~ (“ can i still send request a superpower au of Guanlin pls if u dont mind? ”)

Genre: Fluff (I guess? I’m honestly not sure ><)

Note: I’ve finally come across some time to update again! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to post something new ;___; I’m going to do my best to get out more stories in the next couple of weeks, and I’ll also be making a post outlining what’s to come for the month of December. Please look forward to it and I hope that you all enjoy this one too! 

[ Masterlist ] [ Upcoming Stories ]

- goodnightkisseu’s admin / ashley <3

Quick footsteps ran through the heavy rain as the individual tried to put as much space between himself and his pursuers as he possibly could. His movements were swift, and though his heart was beating a mile a minute, he kept his heavy breathing as hushed as he could. This wasn’t what one would expect from someone that was being chased. He should have been more frantic, but he wasn’t. Obviously this wasn’t the first time he had been in such a situation, and that thought, was actually rather sad.

The young male ran down a series of back roads, in between buildings and through a handful of alleyways, the shouts of ‘he went this way!’ or ‘we have to catch him!’ still rang loudly. It felt like, no matter how fast he ran, they were always on his tail. Yet, eventually, he found a large dumpster to hide behind, quickly positioning himself in the shadows as he tried to steady and ultimately silence his breathing.

He couldn’t make a sound because, if he did, he was a goner.

At first, Guanlin wasn’t sure if it was his fear or if the voices were actually growing closer. Yet when the footsteps started to grow louder, and the individuals mentioned seeing ‘the monster’ run off in this direction, he realized that he wasn’t as lucky as he had hoped. They were indeed close and approaching the dumpster behind which he hid. He shrunk himself back into the shadows, as much as his tall frame could, to try and hide from their eyes, but he was definitely afraid. Afraid that they would find him, and that this would be the end of him.

“Hey, what are you two doing over there? One of the others said they saw him running down that far street. Don’t just stand there like idiots! Hop to it!” the deep voice commanded. The two sets of footsteps that had been approaching, stopped. The thugs talked amongst themselves briefly, mostly to share resentful comments about the male that had just run by, before they took off following the rest of the crowd.

Even though the immediate threat was supposedly gone, Guanlin remained hidden for a little while longer, just to be safe. When he felt like he was indeed alone, he slowly stood to his full, tall height, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. He had been chased before and had a handful of close calls in the past, but nothing was quite as close or terrifying as this one. He would have to be even more careful from now on. People were growing more restlessness and that wasn’t good for people like him.

But Guanlin couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help that he was different from others.

Guanlin was one of a small subset of the population that had abilities. The majority would often call them super powers, or just powers, but he always found that cheesy and refused to call them as such. Still, much like others that were like him, he didn’t know where these otherworldly abilities had come from. No one in his family had them, to his knowledge. All he could recall was when he discovered them. Back then, Guanlin was much younger than he was now, probably about nine years old at the time. He was playing with some of his classmates by the ocean when an under-toe caught him by surprise. Being so young, he didn’t know how to deal with that. All he knew was that he was dragged under, his friends having no idea how to help him, tried to call out to the adults for help, but no one got there fast enough.

Even at such a young age, Guanlin knew that his situation was a dire one. He knew that the chances of him drowning and meeting an unfortunate fate were high. His fear got the better of him and without knowing it, the young boy had let out all of his air in a scream, one that couldn’t be heard. He knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened, and he was sure that it was going to cost him his life. But it didn’t. After having squeezed his eyes shut in fear, he eventually opened them to find out that he was fine. Under the water it was as if he were in a protected bubble, just floating along freely, with enough air to breath while also being shielded from the sea creatures. Even his young mind knew that this was not normal, but in the moment he knew it was the least of his concerned. Instead he focused on trying to get himself back to shore. And when he got there, looking like nothing had happened, it was no doubt a surprise to everyone.

That was the moment when he knew he was different.

And even then he knew it was weird, and so he hid it from his parents to the best of his ability. The asked him about what happened that day, pretty frequently, but he tried to pretend that he didn’t know what had happened, that it had been a miracle that he made it back home. Yet, he was also a curious child, as most kids were when they found something new that intrigued them. When his parents weren’t home he tried to test the limits of his new abilities. At first it was just to see how long he could hold his breath underwater. But over time he became entranced at how he could move the water around, make it freeze, make it boil, make it do just about anything he wanted.

As his curiosity towards his powers grew, it also became harder to hide his little tests from his parents and his sister. They caught on pretty quick that something was different with their son. They were no doubt shocked when they found out, maybe even a little scared to have someone like him in the family, but he was still there son, still their sibling, and so they all got over it. He was their blood and they wanted to protect him from the world. They taught him how to hide his abilities, telling him that he was rather lucky that his powers didn’t cause any strange deformations of the body that would make him stick out. They had told his older sister to look out for him, because, truth be told, society was not fond of his kind. Though no one knew how beings like him came to be, whether through karma or some form of divine intervention, people feared what they didn’t know, and people like Guanlin were high on their list.

Over the years, as he got older, the general public’s fear of his kind only grew. Those with abilities started to take advantage of their gifts, using them to further their lives whether behind the scenes or just outright through criminal acts. Average citizens had no way of stopping people like him, so resentment grew for his kind, to the point where, even those that were living peacefully were persecuted. Guanlin had heard what the normal citizens would call his kind, words like ‘monster’ or ‘abomination’ and it made him uneasy.

In particular, more so than worrying about his own well-being, he was worried for his family. As with many situations like this, people were also starting to grow wary of those that would help individuals that had abilities. He was worried of what would happen to his family if they were found to be protecting him. So, as much as it broke his heart, Guanlin ran away from home. He had stayed close at first, seeing all of the flyers that his family put up in hopes that they would find him, but that grew far too painful. He wanted to keep an eye on them, but seeing them just made his heart ache. So he fled to a place further away, where he knew that his family didn’t know anyone. He set himself up there, taking a part time job so that he could help afford his apartment, which he shared with you. And that was where he was headed now.

The two of you didn’t know each other prior to Guanlin’s sudden appearance in this small city. You had actually met each other at a local shelter on a cold winter night, when you were both looking for something to eat, to keep yourselves warm. Neither of you could remember how you got to talking, maybe it was because the pair of you had finally met someone else that was of a similar age, but it was the conversation that brought the two of you together. You both became very aware that the other hand also run away from home, albeit for different reasons. Guanlin, for a reason he didn’t disclose to you at first, and you, because, well, your family was pretty broken after your father died. It was just never the same and you couldn’t stay there.

At first the two of you had bonded over your similarities, but as you lived together, grew closer, you found out that it was more than that for the both of you. You cared for each other on a much deeper level and it wasn’t until about a month ago, after living together for a year, that you decided to explore this new part of your relationship, beyond being just friends.

Of course, living together and then becoming a couple meant that Guanlin had to finally let you in on his little secret. It didn’t seem right to keep it from you as it could really make or break the relationship. He knew surprised you at first, maybe even scared you, but you were quick to accept him and his abilities. In your words, ‘no one else is going to put up with me the way that you do. Just, don’t hide anything else from me, okay?’

Guanlin made his way up the familiar and old stairs that led to his apartment, taking extra care to be as quiet as he possibly could. He didn’t want to stir the neighbors. He had no idea of they had heard the commotion outside, saw him running away from the hordes of people. Because if they had and they saw him coming back, he was done for. As soon as he arrived at his apartment he made quick work of the lock on the front door, sliding inside with a heavy sigh. He would be safe for now, at least he hoped. He was just about to relax, to really let himself calm down, when someone ran right for him, wrapping themselves around him.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re finally home. I was so worried that you had gotten caught or something,” you murmured into his back, the much taller male turning around to pull you into his embrace. Truth be told, knowing about Guanlin’s abilities didn’t scare you as much as they made your worry for him more. He was the first person in a really long time that you had connected with, and the thought of losing him… it was painful. You’d do everything you could to protect him, even though you could do very little.

“Some people saw me. It’s not safe for me here anymore. I… I-I… have to leave,” he told you, sadness obvious in his features and in his voice. Guanlin envisioned a lot of things when he met you, things that he was sure that he could never have. Leaving you had not been one of them. It upset him that things had to be like this. He finally felt like he found a place where he could belong, well, belong enough. It was weird to think that he’d have to give it up again, to run for a second time. He supposed it was getting easier though…

“No,” you told him, firmly grasping onto his arm. “We have to leave.” You watched as his eyes widened at your declaration. You knew it was going to argue, but you weren’t going to let him. “Guanlin, even if you leave me here, people have seen us together. They know that we were a couple. They’re going to persecute me for protecting you anyway. Let me go with you. At least then, we can start over somewhere else, together.”

A heavy sigh left the young man’s lips, but he knew that you were right. Leaving you behind was going to be worse. You’d probably be arrested amongst other things. Knowing that you were right he gave you a nod and the two of you set out to pack away what you could, anything that was light enough that you could take with you. In the dead of night the two of you snuck out of your building and headed for the nearest bus station, hoping that you could leave without so much as an alley cat noticing.

But luck was not on your side.

As soon as you arrived at the bus station, a couple of the people that had seen Guanlin use his powers were present. The recognized him instantly and yelled out that he was the monster they were chasing earlier, and in a matter of moments, your boyfriend had your hand in his, pulling you along as the pair of you ran for your lives. Your footsteps were quick, breathing erratic, and Guanlin couldn’t believe that he was doing this twice in one night. It was also one thing for him to be in danger, but the fact that he had no put you in danger, that hurt his heart.

Unfortunately, unlike Guanlin’s earlier run-in with these people, there was nowhere to hide where you were not. The bus station was in a big open area with nowhere to hide. Instead you ran through the small streets, trying to make it harder for the pursuers to reach you by car, or to run as a large group. You weaved through the roads as much as you could, but you still found yourselves at a dead end, your backs to a cliff at the top of the hill. You knew that you didn’t have any other options and, for the first time, you liked at Guanlin, afraid of what this meant for the both of you.

Guanlin was at as much of a loss as you were, but his mind was still running at a mile a minute. How could he protect you? How could he get you out of this situation? How could he make it all better? And that was when he heard it. The sound of water hitting against the side of the cliff. Water. That was it. Water. “Trust me, and jump,” he told you, and though he was met with wide eyes and obvious fear, you gave him a small nod as he grabbed onto you and jumped off of the rocky crag. Your pursuers came up to the side of the cliff at that point, staring down into the dark waters where you both disappeared. They told themselves that there was no way that either of you could have survived. With that, they left, going back to their own business.

As soon as your bodies hit the water, you couldn’t help but feel the fear that was building up within you. In that moment, it didn’t matter that Guanlin supposedly could control water. You just felt like it was the end, you were afraid, and you wondered how you had gotten yourself into this. Oh, that’s right, because you loved him and you weren’t willing to let him leave. And as that thought crossed your mind, you felt a familiar pair of lips making contact with your forehead, urging you to open your eyes. You opened them, greeted by a smiling face, which you managed to make out, even in the dark waters you had jumped into.

When you had calmed down, you noticed that you were floating next to him, seemingly unaffected by your earlier plunge. Though you had many questions, you weren’t going to ask them. You were just glad that you were both okay.

Guanlin led the pair of you to shore, far away from where you had jumped. The city was a new one, far bigger than the one you had left. He told you that the two of you could start anew here, and all you could do was nod. Because in that moment all that mattered was that Guanlin was okay and that you could both continue on as a pair…

[trippylittlefox-blog]

Here’s a preview of my AllMightXReader smut fan fic :)

It was a cold and rainy night. one of those nights where you cuddle up with a good book in front of the window covered by a blanket with a good cup o Joe. or the kind of night you spend cuddled up with your favorite person watching your favorite movie with him. it was the day before Halloween, October 29th. so it was chilly outside and there where no leaves on any of the trees. it was a mellowed out night for the two of you. since Halloween was right around the corner you both agreed to a horror movie. Toshinori was especially excited. he didn't let anyone else know, but secretly, he loved horror films! he love movies in general, but the horror genre always had him on edge and peaked his interest the most. even the cheesy ones with terrible CGI graphics and horrendous acting. he always found the humor in them. Sometimes, so did you. just the thought that you both had so many similar interests made you feel warm inside, and always brings a smile across your face.

"Hey, You still awake over there sleepy head?" Toshi said with a gentle smile on his face as he wrapped his skinny arms around you tight, pulling you closer to him than you already where."of course im still awake, toshi. we're watching a horror movie that i love! you really expect me to fall asleep?" you said as you looked up at him smiling. "yeah you're right. you're probably too scared, right? because you're a big scardey cat, (Y/N)! you're going to be begging me to stay up all night with you because you'll be too scared to sleep, wont you?" Toshinori said with a big grin on his face as he teasingly poked you in the side. "Toshi! you of all people know i dont get scared so easily!" you said half offended. You play along with Toshinori and fight off his hands while giggling and laughing. Toshinori keeps the play fight going for a few more seconds when suddenly... boom!

the both of you stop dead in your tracks and look out the window to see a huge pile of smoke billowing up from the center of the city. a few seconds of silence followed the loud crashing noise before another one occurred. this one was much louder than the first. you take your gaze away from the window to look at toshinori's face. an unsettling feeling dwelled in your stomach when you saw his face. it had a deeply concerned look that was twisted with a scowl. shortly after you noticed his expression, his gaze adverted towards you. only his eyes moved. he then lifted himself off of the couch and stood, facing the window. he knew he had to do something.he clenched his hands into fists tightly.  looking at him you could tell he was deep in thought of what to do. before saying anything, you sat there, watching him stare off into his own thoughts. waiting for what he's going to do next.

"Toshi! please whatever youre thinking... dont do it!" Toshinori slowly turned his face towards you. His body had lightly started steaming as he was beginning to transform into his muscle form, some of which had where already up to half of their size. His face had the look of worry and dismay. "I can't just sit here, (Y/N)! I have to do something..." Tohinori said with sweat dripping down his face in beads. "You can let the other pros handle it, baby! They can take care of it. You don't have to always go rushing in and putting your life in even more danger!" Toshinori stepped closer to you and took you in his arms. His gaze went back to the scene that was visible through the window. "This is something huge though. Normally I would let them handle this. But it only looks like it's getting worse out there. I can't just let innocent people get hurt and the city become more destroyed. Please understand." His words echoed in your head. You knew he had good intentions. But all you could see was the bloodied scene from a few months ago. The scene everyone, including yourself, saw on television. All might, giving his all to defeat All For One. Tearing his arms apart and hurting himself further. If it weren't for the reckless kids swooping in to save Katsuki, everyone knows, him included, that he very would could have ended up dead versus winning the fight Like he did. They both had Izuku to thank for him being alive.

As the scenes flashed in your mind, Toshinori had muscled up into All Might. Frustrated that he wasn't listening, you pushed yourself out of his arms and yelled "No, Toshi! You need to understand how I feel about this too! You've gone and pushed yourself too far! You even said it yourself. You can barley hold that form anymore. And you don't have One For All anymore! If you go out there you're going to end up getting severely hurt or worse! Dead! What would I do if I lost you, All Might?!? I love you! I can't lose you! I'm not the only one that loves you!" Tears started running down your face like mini streams at this point. "Young Midoryia! Little Izuku! What would he do? He adores you and looks up to you! As your successor, he still needs a teacher. A mentor. He needs you just as much as I do!" All might stood still. His eyes widened and struggling look. He slowly started smoking as he was reverting to his true form again. He was training himself to try to keep that form as long as he could. And normally, he'd be able to keep it a lot longer. But this time was different. He could tell the woman he loved was truly upset and worried.

Disgruntled, Toshinori let out a sigh a looked down at the ground sadly. "You're right, sweetie. It was incredibly selfish of me to think I'd have a chance out there." Shocked by his words you look up at him quickly. It wasn't like Toshinori to give in so easily like that. "I guess part of me still wants to be the symbol of peace. The number one hero that everyone could look up too. But I need to realize that my time in that spot has came and passed. And now I need to move on and just settle down and let the new number 1 take over. Im sorry I made you worry. I really am pathetic."

Silently, you stood there staring up at your lover. How had it not occurred to you that he was feeling that way. Of course he was! He used to save people by the dozen! The thousands even! And now he can barley lift a finger to help anyone. Upset at realizing how he felt, tears started flowing from your eyes again and a lump formed in your throat. "No toshi that's not true! You aren't the pathetic one! I am! How could I not realize your feelings! I was the one being selfish... you had the thoughts of people's safety in your mind while I was thinking about us! And how upset I would be if you got hurt. I-I'm so sorry!" Toshinori cut you off from saying anything further by planting a gentle, yet deep kiss on your lips. Surprised you gasp and widen your eyes, But just as quickly accept it and wrap your arms around him to pull him closer. Together you both separate for a moment to look out the window to see the scene outside. It appears that the heroes where able to get the situation under control after all. Relived, Toshinori and you both exchange glances and smile.

In one fluid motion, Toshinori gathered the strength and swooped you up into his arms. He carried you back over to the couch and sat you back down onto the couch while still hovering over you. He leaned back in and continued to kiss you. You reach up and gently grab his face as the kiss becomes more passionate and deep. You even part your lips a little to let his eager tongue explore your mouth. His tongue kissed yours and slowly he moved down to sit next to you without breaking lip contact. After minutes of heavy kissing, you two finally break the kiss. Smiling and out of breath, you put your forehead against his. He gives you one more peck before saying "I love you, (Y/N). What would I do without you in my life?" You smile at him and giggle slightly. "Probably get yourself hurt or wind up dead." Toshinori starts chuckling lightly. "Yeah you're probably right. If I didn't have you, I would have gone out there and tried to help." Toshinori leans and kisses you one more time before you lean your head on his shoulder and start playing with a strand of his hair. Looking over you, notice Toshinori's skin has goosebumps from your breath gently brushing against the skin on his neck. A devious plan crosses your mind from looking at that. Swiftly, you lean in enough to both, stabilize yourself and kiss his neck gently, but seductively. Surprised, Toshinori let out a soft moan. This made you smile knowing he was caught off guard enough to let a moan escape from his lips. He quickly reached up with one of his hands and covered his mouth as his eyes widened and his face turned red.

"Hey, that was pretty dirty of you! Catching me off guard like that." Toshinori smiles down at you as his face became more seductive.

"Oh yeah? Was it now?" You say as you giggle. "Well I can get dirtier." You kiss his neck more and straddle him, moving your hips as close to his as you can get. This action left him trembling with excitement as he reaches up and grabs onto your ass tightly. "If that's true, then why don't you show me just how dirty you can get." He said as you feel his growing member beneath you. The fact you're able to feel it through both of your pants made you blush. You had done this many times, yet this time, it was almost like the first.

Blushing deeply you move from his neck back to his mouth. Passionately, you lock your lips with his and run your hands through his hair as he continues to grope your ass with one hand while fondling a breast in the other. After you break apart the kiss to catch your breath, you then give Toshinori tiny butterfly kissed from his lips, down to his neck. You linger on his neck for a second more as you start slowly lifting his shirt enough to run your finger tips across his navel. Your touch makes his stomach flutter for a second as he lets out a small giggle as he wasn't expecting the sudden movement. You giggle yourself as you pull away long enough to remove his shirt along with yours as well. You start to lean in to finish your trail of kisses, but before you can do so he pushes his hand against your sternum gently to stop you and leans in himself removing one of your breasts from your bra. You gasp and let out a series of moans as he gently squeezes and pinches your nipple between his thumb and index finger. He then proceeds and completely engulfs your, now hardened, nipple into his mouth.

If you would like to read more, you can do so here :) I’ll post updates letting everyone know when my next chapter comes up! So far there are four. Enjoy!

https://my.w.tt/XCRtiqeziQ

[slut4supersoldiers]

I can’t do this.

Reader X Billy Hargrove (romantic)

Summary: Two equally dysfunctional people are right for each other, right? Well maybe not this time

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak,(mention of) Smut, Anger, Toxic Relationship

A/N: I by no means condone Billy Hargrove’s behaviour nor do I wanna promote toxic relationships. However, this is just for the purpose of leisure reading. 

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS IF YOU HAVE A TROUBLED RELATIONSHIP TRY TO GET OUT OF IT AND/ OR GET HELP.  FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED. 

Words: 1135

You don't even remember what the argument was about. Maybe it was about because Billy was jealous when Steve made you double with laughter in English (because your best friend since diapers knew exactly how to make you laugh) or maybe because you were jealous that Billy drove Tina home from a party (because she was genuinely drunk and two boys from the football team were ogling at her like perverts). Nevertheless, it had been three hours long. Maybe four. Distorted snippets of the heated argument flashed in your mind and you shuddered at the anger Billy's eyes held. He looked distant and infuriated. He was screaming at you and you were screaming louder. Every part of your body was fueled on adrenaline. You know Billy would never hurt you but you were scared that one more word and he would break. So you surrendered. You were the submissive one. His dominant alpha male like figure loomed over you. He did not resemble his cheerful self and you slowly flinched as he backed you against the wall. 

Nothing but erratic breaths leaving both your mouths. The thought of being scared of the man who is your only safe haven was disturbing. You needed to escape this situation. 

Billy on the other hand was frustrated. But not because of your constant questions. He knew the curiosity behind those questions was backed by a strong sense of affection and care and he didn't mind. At times he would play along with your questions, riling you up just to get a reaction out of you which would always lead to you going off at Billy and end up with him fucking you senseless, while you screamed his name like your life depended on it. As twisted as it was you both enjoyed the endless cycle of fighting, fucking and making up. But you could tell this time was different. 

This time you could feel your resolve falling apart. You decided to call it a day and walk away. But Billy had other plans. 

He was tired of fighting, yes but more than that he was afraid of losing you; his sanity, his confidante, his lover. He had never held such strong emotions towards anyone.  You were more than just a casualty to him. He was scared because you held him together and he knew that one day you'd have enough, walk away and leave him like a trail of dust. He feared that this time was the moment you'll leave to never come back. 

"Don't walk away. Not today." He grabbed your wrist not too hard but enough to let you know how desperate he was. With a swift movement he pulled your body into his. He pushed you back to your initial position. You were blocked by the wall. His lips ghosted over your lips as he pushed both of your wrists against the wall, above your head. 

"Billy stop. I can't do this anymore. I am tired. I am beyond exhausted." You looked away not wanting to see the look in his eyes. 

"No, you don't mean that." His selfish interest pushed him to make the brave decision of connecting his lips with your. It was a hasty and short lived kiss but Billy proceeded to move down from your lips to your jaw and finally to your neck placing open mouthed kisses and sucking on your skin. 

Trying not to give in to the pleasure and listening to the rational part of your brain you tried to push him off.

"Billy! Stop! Don't you get it? This is all meaningless. And I am tired." The force in your voice made him pull away.

"Tired of what (y/n)? Me? Us?" He sounded desperate.

You couldn't answer because you were scared to break him. Scared of what would happen. Or maybe you were just as used to your dysfunctional relationship that you didn't want to give up.

"Answer me damn it." A hard blow fell on the wall making you jump. But it impacted Billy more than it impacted you.

Your wide eyes resembled a deer's caught in the headlight. The fear in your eyes made Billy tremble. Did you really think he would hurt you? Yes he was angry but not at you, never would he ever hurt you like that. His doubt was cleared as you flinched away when he tried to cup your cheek and a single tear involuntarily rolled down his enraged eyes and down his cheeks. 

With sobs raking through his body he collapsed on you, like he had given up. 

"I am sorry. I am such a fuck up. I am exactly like my father. I am a monster. I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better. I am not made to be loved." Every sob, every tear that fell from his eyes onto your shoulder-where he had now placed his head-brought you closer to your own breaking point. The hands that were balled into fists by your side made their way into his blonde curls as you slowly combed your fingers through them. 

"B dont say that. Don't ever say that." Your other hand rubbed circles on his back. 

Billy had once told you that his mom would do the same when he used to have nightmares as a kid and it would quickly calm him down. Even now it seemed to calm him down and for the time being that's what you two needed; some calm and each other.

"I mean it (y/n) and if you want to walk away I won't stop you." He pulled away suddenly wiping his tear stained cheeks. He hated crying. He thought it was a sign of weakness. He would receive a earful (or sometimes much worse) from his father even at the sight of tears  because the Hargrove men were real men and real men never cry. When he couldn't cry anymore he started bottling up his emotions and violence soon became an outlet to exert the pent up emotions. That was until you. You were the only one around whom he could be vulnerable and his true fucked up yet loving (in a twisted way) self. You couldn't just walk away.

"B I love you and I always will but right now we need to stop this. It's not healthy for either of us. Okay?"

An unreadable emotion took over his eyes as he held onto your hand.

"If we are meant to be we will find our way back to each other." You whispered as you looked into his sad blue eyes. 

He simply nodded and placed a small kiss on the back of your hand. That day Billy watched you walk away and hoped that just like every other good thing in his life you won't leave forever.

[the-circus-princess]

//welcome to another fic that’s been long awaited. This is the start of me and @circusprince au where Phillip Carlyle got a younger brother (portrayed by dave franco dont ask) and his name is Jamie Carlyle and hes the cutest boy u will ever see so put on ur reading socks and lets jump into it!! once again this is a rp between me and @circusprince that was written into a fic by yours truly. And the art is by the very talented @circusprince Read on AO3 HERE New York city hadn’t changed during the years of Jamie Carlyle’s absence, it was still the same busy streets filled with life and noise. Even if Jamie had grown used to the quiet life in the far west it still felt good to be home. He had wanted for some time now to return back home and suddenly one day his wish was granted, with no reasoning. At first Jamie had found it odd, but it was not as if he were about to question his parent’s decision and have them change their mind. He missed being home, and he missed his brother too. Even if in the years spent apart he had not received as much as a letter form Phillip, which he had taken to heart, thinking that the two of them had grown apart and Phillip now had more important things to attend to. The disappointment upon learning that Phillip was out traveling when Jamie arrived was bitter. Although the youngest Carlyle recognized the lie from his parents, but again had no desire to push them on the subject. 

Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle had kept Jamie busy and occupied most of his time with boring parties, dinners and shows. He almost felt like he was on display most of the time, only there to prove that the Carlyle family did in fact have a younger son. It took him two whole weeks and three days of faking a cold before he was left alone. And with the first opportunity he got he snuck out of the house and headed into town to pass some time in one of the city’s many bars. It was here he learned about the circus. Jamie had never heard about a circus before but his curiosity for an adventure spread like flames through dried grass and it didn’t take long before he was on his way. “Just head to tha docks! Ya cant miss it, big tent ‘n stuff,” a drunken man had said when Jamie asked for directions, and sure enough the closer Jamie came to the docks the louder the music and cheer from people became. The drunkard was right, it was impossible to miss. The tent was gigantic, and it was lit up like a sun, nothing like Jamie had ever seen his entire life. He felt the excitement rush through him as he walked around the tent. “P. T Barnum’s Circus” was written with large letters over what Jamie assumed was the entrance. The only problem now was that it seemed closed. The curtain to the entrance was closed shut and the show inside had obviously started. The young Carlyle refused to miss out on this. He started to find his way around the tent again and when far enough away from the entrance he took a quick look around to make sure he was alone. With little effort and some skill, he easily slipped under the big tent wall and found himself on the inside of the tent. He took a quick look around and for what it seemed it looked like he had snuck backstage. He could see some interesting props, dazzling costumes and what he assumed was dressing stations. But none of that really mattered now as he heard the everlasting cheer and music coming form the main tent. He moved quietly, knowing this was probably a restricted area, but he still couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to the spectacle.

Jamie snuck his way up to the tent cloth that was separating the main event from the backstage. He placed a hand on what looked like a seam and as he pushed it to the side as voice appeared from behind him. “You know, the entrance is the one with the big ‘P. T. Barnum’s circus’ sign over it,” she said. Jamie turned around so quick he almost knocked himself over in the process. His heart rose up in his throat from the surprise of being caught. The woman in front of him made him freeze up and just stare. “It’s so much better walking through the front than squeezing through the ground and the tent, trust me,” she said, placing a hand on her hip. Despite just being caught sneaking into the circus the lady didn’t seem mad or upset. If anything, it looked like she didn’t mind. At first Jamie struggled to find his voice. He just stared at her, never in his life had he seen anyone like her. He had heard of women with facial hair but seeing this was something completely different. The magnificent beard decorated her face and he really couldn’t help but stare. It was not in disgust or fear, more like awe and admiration. It was truly a sight. Jamie snapped back to reality and cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m sorry, ma’am! I didn’t mean to sneak in without paying. I arrived too late, the entrance was closed. And I couldn’t miss out on what was happening here,” Jamie answered, hoping it would be a good enough reason for her not to call the police on him. “I didn’t mean to intrude, I swear!” Jamie added, just to be on the safe side. He watched as her skeptical face melted into a smile and a heartily laugh left her, making Jamie relax instantly. “There’s no intrusion at all, dear. Now, instead of watching the show from behind the curtains… How about we find you a seat, and you’ll catch what’s left of the show,” she gave him a nod, telling him that she would not take no for an answer. “You don’t want to miss out on our ringmaster’s entrance, it’s quite spectacular if I do say so myself!” the bearded lady added as she started to walk along the tent-cloth. Excitement bubbled up in Jamie as he eagerly followed after her. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that this would happen. The big grin on his face couldn’t be contained as he felt like a child on Christmas morning. He stopped up next to her when she came to a halt and he watched as the curtains were pushed apart. The light, music and applause made his heart almost skip a beat and he watched in complete awe as a pink haired woman flew high across the stage. He watched as animals he’d never seen before perform tricks, people jumping and flying and- It was truly the most amazing show he’d ever seen. Jamie felt like he was a child again, all the excitement filled him with pure joy. He felt his cheeks heat up as he heard a chuckle next to him and met the woman’s gaze who apparently could read him like a book when it came to his reaction of the circus. “Now, just go straight ahead and I’m quite sure I saw some available seats in the front row. And don’t think about paying or such, once we’re half through the show no one really cares,” she was pointing between two tribunes he could walk between to get to the first row. And he grinned wider as he saw the empty seat. “Thank you, so much for this! I promise I’ll find a way to repay you!” Jamie said truthfully, if it was one thing he prided himself in it was keeping his promises. An honorable trait he had picked up from his brother. The woman just waved her hand at him before pushing him through the opening of the curtains. “I have to get back out there. Now, don’t you go sneaking around anymore, you’ll never know who you’re going to meet back here.” She teased at him with a wink before she gave him a final nudge towards his seat and closed the curtains behind him. Jamie stood there for a second, taking everything in before he walked over to take his seat.

Jamie’s eyes locked on the pink haired woman who flew by once more. It was as if his breath flew away with her when she circled around the crowd. He watched as a man dressed all in purple swung from one trapeze to another, on the ground he watched a shorter man ride around the ring dressed as Napoleon on a baby elephant and then riding between different performers. His eyes locked on what could have been the prettiest person he had ever seen with skin and hair as white as snow, making a colorful spectacle on her skin and clothing as the lights wandered over her. Jamie didn’t know how much time had passed while he watched the range of people step up and show off some amazing talent he never even knew someone could do. Once again the pink haired woman flew past him and he locked eyes with her for what seemed like a moment. He followed her movement as she descended from the high ground and landed next to a man who had just run out of the backstage. Jamie assumed, and by the looks of the bright red and gold coat he was wearing, that it was the ringmaster of the show. He watched as the man swung around with the pink haired woman. The two seemed like they were stars dancing in the sky and Jamie felt as if he was holding his breath. As the ringmaster lifted his top hat Jamie felt his world freeze. His face slowly melted from the grin into shock and he almost felt hurt. His parents truly had lied to him. The smile on the ringmaster’s face was as if taken from his childhood memories. Jamie could feel all his blood rushing to his head as Phillip Carlyle was standing in the middle of the circus ring, looking to have the time of his life. Suddenly all the beautiful lights and music became too much for Jamie. He felt his breath get stuck in his chest and he had to get out of there. His head felt heavy and he still couldn’t find his breath. He stumbled up from his seat, heart racing as he walked over to where the bearded woman had let him in earlier. He couldn’t do this, it was too much. Why was he reacting like this? Seeing his older brother again had sent him into a panic attack. Maybe it was the shock? He pushed the curtain aside and managed to just stumble over to a nearby crate before his legs caved in. Of all the places in the entire world, this was the last place he’d expected to see Phillip. It hurt him so much that his parents would go to such lengths to lie to him about Phillip’s whereabouts, and it became very clear why his parents now had kept him so busy ever since he returned to town.

Jamie didn’t know for how long he sat there drowning in his own thoughts. But when hearing a “Sir?” coming from a voice he’d yet to be completely familiar with he went back up for air from his thoughts. The bearded woman carefully stepped closer and he watched as she sunk down to her knees, keeping a respective distance between the two of them. “Are you alright?” She asked with a gentle smile. Jamie was almost a little taken back with how soft she spoke after bawling out the highest notes on stage only moments ago. “Was the lights and noises too much? It’s nothing to worry about, we’ve had people be sensitive for it before,” she added and Jamie looked at her, still admiring her looks and now also her kindness. “No! No no, the lights were amazing, truly. The whole show was amazing! I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” he was quick to defend his experience; it was some of the truth at least. He kept his gaze at her, deciding to keep the whole truth about the ringmaster to himself, at least for now. “I suppose I got a bit… Overwhelmed, I think? But in the best way possible,” he tried to reassure her with a smile, playing it off as if it was no big deal that he’d stumbled out of the circus. It suddenly hit him that he didn’t know her name and he felt an embarrassment settle in his gut. “My name is Jamie, by the way. I figured since you’ve been so awfully kind to me an introduction is the least I can do.” he wiped his hands quickly on his trousers before reaching out to offer her a proper handshake. He hoped that the introduction would be a way to change the subject. “A pleasure to meet you, Jamie! I’m Lettie Lutz. But you ought to call me Lettie, alright?” She shook his hand firmly before letting it go and smiled at him. Just as she was about to open her mouth again voices started to appear from the entrance of the backstage. Jamie looked over Lettie’s shoulder and to his surprise every performer he had seen on stage walked in through the curtains. He watched as Lettie too followed some of her co-workers with her eyes before she looked back at Jamie with a bright grin and an idea shining in her eyes. “Why don’t you come and say hello to some of us, hm? No one would mind! I’m quite sure they would all love to meet you,” Lettie suggested, almost sounding a little hopeful. Jamie watched as she stood up from the floor, offering him a hand to get up which Jamie gladly took. “I… Would really like that, yeah,” he answered her, almost feeling a little shy like he used to when meeting new people as a child but at the same time the excitement returned slowly. During the show Jamie had really become taken with some of the performers and it truly was like nothing he’d ever seen. People who’d normally be frowned upon and cast aside were being cheered on and somewhat accepted. It was a true joy to watch. “Hey Lettie! Why did you leave the stage before we ended?” A voice rang from behind Lettie and Jamie watched as a heavily tattooed man came jogging towards the two of them with a few of the other performers joining. He was still wearing his costume and the long dark red cape flickered behind him. A smile could be seen under his mustache and full beard and Jamie watched as the man’s attention went form Lettie to him and he gave Jame a puzzled look. “And who’s this?” “Well, this is the reason why I left. I found him earlier backstage during the show and gave him a spot among the audience. And by the time the show was almost over the poor man was headed out he same way he came it. So, I thought I’d show him the right exit!” Lettie smiled pleased and Jamie couldn’t help but feel gratitude for the white lie. Jamie gave her a smile before his attention was snatched again. Next to Constantine walked the two albino girls and Jamie couldn’t help but stare in admiration as he recognized one of them from the circle. “Dedicated to the circus, I can respect that. Not everyone manages to get here on time, but it’s been some time since someone felt the need to sneak in to watch the show,” she spoke up and gave Jamie a smile which he returned shyly. His eyes were locked on the twins, unable to look away until another voice spoke up. “What’s your name, then?” Jamie glanced over to the source of the voice and his eyes fell down to the short man who walked up next to the tattooed man. He blinked a few times surprised before a smile appeared again. “The name is Jamie,” he introduced himself, despite his shyness. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. You were all really amazing out there, it was spectacular, really!” Jamie praised them, seeing no need to hide his awe from them. “Well then, Jamie! My name is Constantine-“ the tattooed man placed a hand on his own chest as a gesture, “-this here is Florence-“ Constantine gestured to the girl Jamie had watched in the ring, she gave him a shy wave, “-this is Mary,” the girl next to Florence, she almost seemed a little skeptical, “and this here is Charlies!” Constantine pointed over at the shorter man with his thumb and a grin. Jamie looked between all four of them with a smile, first now realizing how on display he was. They were all looking at him, as if he was the circus performer and they were the audience and once again he could feel his cheeks heat up.

Another performer walked up to the group and Jamie earned a puzzled look from him as well before his attention turned to Lettie. “Phillip said he needed to talk to you about something? He and Anne are still out there mingling, though. I’m sure he’ll come back here afterwards. Didn’t seem like he needed you straight away, just a heads up,” he told the singer, Jamie recognized him from being in the trapezes with the pink haired girl and he couldn’t help but taking a quick glance around to see if she had followed with. But she was nowhere to be seen, and neither was his brother so far to his relief.

Lettie just waved her hand slightly, as if she dusted away what the man had said. “If it’s important enough he’ll come and find me. Maybe he’ll be so generous to bless us all with his presence afterwards, if he doesn’t run away with Anne,” she giggled, both Charles and the twins huffed a little at her joke, apparently knowing something very secret that Jamie did not.

“And who might this be?” the man in purple asked and gained everyone’s attention again.

“This here, is Jamie! Jamie, meet W.D.” Constantine was the one to introduce the two of them. W. D. extended a hand towards Jamie, being the first to actually shake his hand which caught him a little off guard at first. They shared a smile before retreating their hands. “Lettie found him sneaking around backstage, I think she’s planning on requiting him. Make him a proper showman in the circus!” Constantine grinned, sounding a little playful even while looking at Jamie who felt his heart jump a little in surprise. “What? No, I mean… No, I only came by to watch,” Jamie defended himself even if he could feel the deck of cards burn through the pocket of his coat, itching to be used. He glanced over at Florence again, who didn’t seem quite convinced and neither did Lettie or Charles for that matter. “Oh please, Jamie. You have to have some talent? Juggle? Sing? Who knows, maybe you even light up in the dark!” Constantine laughed and earned him some small chuckles from the group. “Everyone has an act, trust me. And don’t try denying it! That’s what Phillip, our ringmaster, did and before we knew it he was in the middle of the circus dancing and singing with the rest of us. So everyone has a talent, so don’t be shy,” Constantine continued, looking rather pleased with himself and his attempt at convincing Jamie, even if the younger Carlyle wasn’t quite convinced yet. “C’mon, show us! I mean, you’ve seen what we can do so it’s only fair.” Florence spoke, giving Jamie an encouraging smile. “We’d all love to see!” she added and the agreeing nods from his audience were the final straw. Jamie glanced at them before with a defeated sigh and a flattered smile reached into the pocket of his coat. He pulled out a deck of cards and started shuffling them between his fingers while taking a few steps backwards and to the side, making sure that none of his newly made friends was in his line of fire. “Alright, here it goes.” Jamie muttered to himself. The first card flew across the room with an impressive speed, almost landing on the other side of the tent. He looked down at his fist, clenching and opening it as if to warm the muscles up, knowing he could do better. Another card flew from his deck, even further and faster this time and he nodded pleased with himself. Jamie picked up another card, this time sending it off in an arch, making it loop around in a circle before picking up speed again and sailing across the room. Another card went, this time spinning and rotating like a confused butterfly with balance issues. “Now that’s an act, alright!” Charles was the first to speak up, looking mighty impressed. Jamie looked over to the group of performers, all looking a mix of surprised and amazed by his flying cards. He didn’t even get to thank Charles for the compliment before Florence was the one to speak up. “How on earth did you do that?” she sounded in awe and looked from where the card had landed and over at Jamie again. “You control the cards as if they’re alive, it was amazing,” she praised him and once again Jamie felt his cheeks grow warm and she smiled sweet and shy at her. “Well… It’s all in the wrist.” Jamie explained as he moved his hand in a quick and snappy way, sending another card flying across the room and land on the other side. He looked back at Florence, who had been following the card with her eyes with a smile of joy, it even seemed like her sister enjoyed the show. “Y’know, Constantine. I think I’ll be taking over Mr. Barnums job now. I think I’m perfectly capable of picking up talented folks,” Lettie said with a big grin on her face. All the praise was almost a little overwhelming for the poor man and he just chuckled a little shyly and awkwardly at them. “Do another one!” Lettie encouraged him, and Jamie nodded to agree. He collected a few cards into his hand and this time he stepped closer to the group of performers and with a playful smile on his face he made several cards fly straight up in the air in the matter of seconds. It took only a moment before they came soaring down again, slow as if they were snowflakes making them rain upon the people that was standing around him. All of them in awe, never having seen anything quite like it. “You should definitely join the circus! It would be amazing to add that to the show, imagine cards raining down on the entire audience!” Constantine said and reached over to give Jamie a nudge to his shoulder in approval and gave him a smile. “Your tricks are amazing! It must have been difficult to learn all that, to control the cards like that,” Florence said with awe as she picked up a card from the ground, studying it slightly as if she were to find a hidden explanation to why Jamie had made them fly. She handed it back to Jamie who gladly took it and placed the remaining cards back in his pocket. “It’s nothing compared to your dancing or swinging in ropes meters above the ground. All I do is toss some cards around and hope for the best,” Jamie said with a shy smile, he was flattered that they all showed such interest in his talent. His card tricks had never been appreciated like this by anyone before, except his brother and during one or two parties. His parents had asked him several times to stop doing it, but Jamie had obviously refused. “Is Anne… The lady with the pink hair?” Jamie asked, suddenly recalling what W.D had said when arriving at the group. His curiosity got the best of him. He had seen how the girl and his brother had looked at each other and it made him wonder just what had happened in Phillip’s life since he left. After all there had been zero news of his brother while Jamie was away and seeing Phillip on stage, showing off and singing made Jamie wonder just how much his brother could have changed. “The one in the trapeze, yes! She’s a delight to be around. Now don’t you go admiring her too much, Mr. Carlyle is known for his “squint of death” when he gets jealous.” Florence answered with a small chuckle causing Lettie to roll her eyes slightly, even if it was very much true what she said. “What Florence is saying is that Mr. Carlyle and Anne is a couple. Mr. Carlyle was quite smitten first time he saw her act. And then spent some time walking after her like a lost puppy,” W.D further explained, giving the other performers a bit of a chuckle at the fond memory of those times. It even brought a smile to Jamie’s face, it made him feel happy knowing that his brother had found happiness.

“And! Speaking of the sun!” Lettie’s eyes had locked on someone beyond the group of performers. Jamie watched as the familiar pink haired trapeze artist walked through the entrance of the backstage. She was working on taking off her gloves while something behind her had her attention, something that made her giggle and her face lit up in a smile. Jamie watched as she looked over at the group of them, giving them a wave and nodding towards them while saying something to the person behind her. Jamie felt his heart race in his chest. “That’s Anne! And if I’m not mistaken, which I rarely am, she should be accompanied by- ah! There he is, our one and only favorite ringmaster! Phillip Carlyle!” Lettie introduced as Phillip stepped through the entrance. His bright red coat draped over his arm while holding the top hat in his hand. Jamie’s heart was beating hard now as he watched Phillip follow Anne up to the group. He almost felt like taking steps away, but his legs refused to move. He watched as his brother got closer, eyes glued to Anne so Jamie went unnoticed for a few more moments. “Did someone call my name?” Phillip said as he reached his group of friends. He looked over them before his eyes locked at the new face. Jamie almost felt like throwing up from the anxiety as he locked eyes with his older brother. Constantine clapped a hand to Phillip’s back, ready to introduce them. “Phillip! You have to meet this kid, he’s amazing! His name is-“ “Jamie?” Phillip’s voice was small and soft. His arm fell from Anne’s lower back as he took a step towards Jamie. The younger Carlyle could almost feel tears force their way ou, but he forced a smile instead. He almost felt as if he could pass out again, just like the first time he had seen Phillip in the ring, but Jamie stayed on his feet through it. “Hey Phil…” Jamie began to say, but his voice got stuck in his throat and he huffed a weak laugh. He stepped closer too, but remained reluctant. Jamie studied his brother, taking in just how much he had changed through the years. Even if Phillip barely had gotten taller he seemed more mature now, grown up and sharp. There was still a pride in his stance and Jamie swore that if he squinted he could see some scar tissue on his older brother’s forehead. He even noticed the crow’s feet that had started to make an appearance next to Phillip’s eyes, almost making Jamie’s heart ache from the guilt of having been away for so long. He knew well himself that he’d grown taller, let his hair grow out and was no longer the scrawny figure Phillip grew up with and by watching Phillip’s reaction Jamie could tell that his brother noticed as well. “Phillip? How… do you two know each other?” Anne was the one to speak up, and she spoke so carefully. As if she was scared to set something off or worried it was bad blood between them. Phillip glanced over at Anne with a soft smile before his gaze went back to Jamie. Studying every inch of his brother. “He’s… He’s my brother.” Phillip said softly and a heartfelt smile formed on his lips as he finally dared to walk closer to Jamie. Phillip was still taller than him and Jamie watched as Phillip placed a hand on the youngest one’s shoulder. It was as if he had to make sure Jamie wasn’t a ghost. Jamie had to blink a few times, forcing his tears to stay back even if he saw that Phillip’s eyes started to get watery too. “It sure has been a while, hasn’t it?” Jamie said, copying his brother’s heartfelt smile. The ringmaster let out a choked chuckle before he pulled his brother in for possibly the best and warmest hug he’d had in a while, whether he wanted to or not. Not that there were any objections from Jamie’s side as he pulled Phillip closer. If a tear was shed, then no one needed to know. The embrace lasted for some minutes, and the other performers stood quietly by, observing. The display was quite touching and Lettie caught Charles in having to fight a tear back. The twins had taken a step closer, and Florence rested her head upon her sister’s shoulder in gratitude that she was there and neither of them had to ever go through anything like Jamie and Phillip. “How come you never told us you had a brother?” Anne spoke as Phillip released his brother from the embrace, but still stood close to him. He could see the confusion and curiosity in her eyes as she looked between the brothers in wonder. “I…” Phillip started, looking between Jamie and Anne. He didn’t want to tell how his parents sent Jamie away, refusing Phillip any contact with him. This was nor the time or the place for the long talk about how the head of the Carlyle family really was behind closed doors. He looked to his brother, still struggling to find the right words. “I went away for a long time. And I suppose there’s no point in talking about someone who may not return. Who knew how long I would be gone for.” Jamie continued and earned a grateful smile from Phillip for taking over. “I did try to send him letters, but I suppose the mail lost them.” Jamie added as the two brothers shared a look of knowledge, knowing exactly who’d taken the letters. A discussion they would later have to take to their parents. “In the end I thought he was dead. And I didn’t want to speak of it.” Phillip finished the explanation to why no one knew of Jamie. Saying the words out loud made his heart ache, and the thought alone made him feel guilt. It wasn’t as if he’d given up on his brother while he was away, but every time he thought he came closer to finding Jamie’s location he’d been met with closed doors, dead ends and false hope. “But here I am!” Jamie said, trying to get the mood to lighten again. He watched as Anne came over to place a comforting hand to Phillip’s shoulder and he smiled sweetly as he witnessed the obvious affection and tenderness between the two of them. It really lifted his spirits to see Phillip in a place where he felt as comfortable as this. He met Phillips eyes and the two Carlyle brothers shared a grin. “Here you are,” Phillip repeated. “Now, dearest, older brother. What on earth happened to you?” Jamie said and gestured to everything around them, the circus, the performers and even to Phillip’s bright red coat. “I mean, truly as amazing as this is, it is the last place I’d ever think to find you. What happened? Last time I saw you, you were sipping champagne at some horrible party talking with a 92 year old man about taxes. And I don’t think he exactly sold you a circus!” A few of the artists chuckled at Jamie’s remark to Phillip’s new life, not that any of them were surprised, they all knew very well how Phillip lived his life before the circus. “It’s a long and boring story,” The ringmaster said earning almost an insulted huff from Lettie. “A long, but good, story indeed. You’d be very proud to hear that Phillip here actually stepped up to the task as ringmaster when it came to it! Almost no training and the job fit him like a glove!” Lettie praised her friend with a big grin on her face. “And now! He owns half of the circus, and he’s doing and uttermost wonderful job directing and running it. So, don’t you sell yourself short, Phillip Carlyle. We all know just how hard you’ve worked for this.” She continued her praise and looked rather pleased at the end of it. “It’s true! He quite literally brought the circus back from ashes! Like a phoenix.” Florence added with a grateful smile towards Phillip, earning him a nod from Mary as well. “Y’know, that does sound like him. Always putting others before himself,” Jamie said, feeling pride swell in his chest for his brother and smiled at him. Phillip rolled his eyes at the comments and placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. The ringmaster could hardly believe that Jamie had returned, that his baby brother was standing among them right now. He felt a warmth spread through his chest as he watched how easily he interacted with his friends and just how welcome they were of Jamie. There were still questions to be answered but nothing that needed to be rushed for now. He could feel a slight worry for his brother as well, knowing that he would be staying with their parents, but Phillip tried his best to push the worry away to a time where he could do something about it. “So, Jamie! What have you been doing during all this time? You have to have some stories to tell, right?” Phillip asked, and the two brothers grinned at each other. “Now that’s a long story."