#the motherfucking sand gets everywhere

[miji-12]

today I did this anual thing where I go to the beach, only to confirm I hate the beach

[melhekhelmurkun]

The pain of watching Attack of the Clones in order to see Obi-Wan with long hair, but also having to deal with Whiny Angsty Kinda Creepy Teenager Anakin

[lxvvie]

Simon Riley is only a good 5.4 inches when flaccid that when you finally consummated your relationship with him, you couldn't help yourself but let out a big sigh of relief, that your assumption that this larger-than-life man will probably have a third limb between his legs was thrown out to the wind.

But of course you were wrong. So very wrong because what this motherfucker doesn't tell you is that he's a grower, a mutant. One second he's average and the next you are praying to all saints that would grant you mercy to spare you as you gag around the weapon he calls his cock (a whopping 7-incher! spoiler: he'll grow another inch and some cm because he is such a horndog for you).

can u tell my brain is rotting 🪰

Yes, I can, nonnie. Yes, I can.

The first time you saw him, you were so amazed that you cockblocked yourself.

I maintain that Simon is hairy, and most of it is concentrated below the belt, so when you finally see him in all his glory, it's like, "Oh, wow."

Hair everywhere. On his thighs and between his legs. On his ass. Hair the color of sand. And balls. Hairy balls. Heavy hairy nuts. Hefty, furry bollocks that you can't help but hold in the palm of your hand and try to bounce to Simon's... confusion? Amusement? Fuck if he knows. And then you went "D'aww ❤️" when you saw him flaccid and he doesn't know if he should be turned on that you find his dick adorable or... turned on that you find his dick adorable.

But then he gets hard. And what used to be Little Lt. Riley is now resting on your stomach and holy fucking shit, he's a grower.

Simon senses your trepidation. "Luv?"

"You didn't tell me you had a third leg!" And Simon wants to crack a joke and almost does until you begin to play with his cock. You lift it up by the head, let it drop, it goes plop, rinse, and repeat. He didn't think he was that big but thanks for the compliment. He thinks.

But you're still so surprised by Big Dick Riley that sexytimes doesn't even happen anymore because you're too busy playing with and studying Simon's third leg.

And Simon's ass is so crazy in love and lust that he lets you lmao.

[mochinomnoms]

Hugging ur stupidly large eel boy and hearing the *thump thump thump* their thick ass tail makes against the ground because they love u (God forbid that you guys are in the beach because sand is getting everywhere)

Just spoiling the big fishes for a bit I have seen so many fanarts where yuu starts to pet the tweels and they cling to yuu acting like those really clingy cats that when u pet them they feel the need to have both of ur hands or else u aren't fully committing to giving pets and they purr like loud as fuck too I would adore if there's an equal sound for mers similar to purring I think going "Furr/frr" is very cute just if the tweels were cats or THEY COULD PURR SOMEHOW I can hear them going either "fffRrrrRr...fur..FffFffrrr" or "ffffRRrrrRrrRRRRRR...FRR FRR FRR frr" if that makes sense

-Vaquita

I don't think eels can purr but some fish can and that gives me enough of an excuse to say that the twins do too lol

I like to think that they're a lot more expressive in their merforms than in their human forms since there's a lot of body language stuff that they don't always realize. I think the stripes and speckles on their bodies glow not only in response to being underwater and needing to see, but also to their emotions.

Surprisingly, Floyd is a lot better at hiding his body language than Jade, mostly because he is already outspoken and doesn't hide most of his emotions (most...not all of them). Jade on the other hand, it's like his body knows he's trying to be secretive and mysterious. The reality is that he doesn't like to be vulnerable with others, and part of that is being honest with his emotions. So his merform compensates all that repressed emotions by making him a motherfucking glow stick.

It's great though when cuddling with one of them! You have to go into a shallow pool of water if on the beach or go to the side of the pool that lets you sit. But you can tell he's content when his tail sways back and forth and there's a little rumbling coming from his chest. It sounds a mix of growling and purring, and vibrates your chest as he holds onto you.

He's especially fond of the way you run your fingers along his fins and spines. You know as a kid when your mom would gently scratch your back or arm to help you fall asleep? It feels like that, very pleasant and almost tingly. It's also just nice to be with the person you love and have them shower you with such soft and sweet affections, so he can't really help the way he reacts. If it happens to be dark, you might even see him dully glow in response, getting brighter every time you scratch a particularly good spot! Even his ear fins will react, drooping down when pleased, it's awfully cute.

It's nice to be soft and sweet, everyone else is so scared of him and worried about pushing the wrong buttons that they forget he's just a dude! He's just a guy who loves his partner and their sweet way of loving him! But maybe that's intentional, maybe only you are allowed to see this side of him. A privilege, truly.

[ryry-rebel]

Beach Day W/ JJK Characters

Headcannons

Characters- Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara, Sukuna

Warnings- cussing, mentions of sex for Sukuna

Word count- 1,531

Pronouns- implied the reader is a female for Sukuna

Content- fluff, kissing, cussing, mentions of sex for Sukuna

My Masterlist -> Masterlist

Pls ignore the cursed banner, picture things I made

🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚🌊🐚

Gojo:

• Gojo is the loudest and most chaotic motherfucker on the planet

• He’s the type to constantly ask you “are we there yet” every five minutes

• When you get to the beach, dude is already gone

• Definitely leaves you to unpack the luggage

• He’s already taken his shirt and sandals off and in the water

• While you’re unpacking, you can hear him yelling at you

• “Y/n the water is so cold!”

• “WAS THAT A SHARK! I THINK I JUST SAW A SHARK!” (There are no sharks)

• Once you finished unpacking, the dude is dragging you to swim with him

• You can’t say no, so don’t try

• He’s the mf to strip you. He’s taking your shorts and shirt off for you

• He’s ganna ogle at your body

• Then he will pick you up and throw you in the freezing cold water

• He’s not sorry, not in the slightest

• He will definitely splash you and give you piggyback rides in the water

• He will dunk you under the water (don’t even try to do it back, you can’t. He will use his infinity)

• When you guys are done swimming, it’s now time for lunch

• Did I mention he will get sand everywhere

• He won’t wipe his feet off before stepping on the beach blanket. he’s a child

• He eats like an iPad kid. it’s cannon

• He will scarf down his food too and then demand you play beach ball with him

• You tell him you have to wait at least an hour before going back in the water

• He believes you. So now you get an hour to relax (not)

• You’re not relaxing. Your plans to tan are completely ruined

• Gojo definitely brought sand toys and every time he makes one he tells you to look at it

• “Babe look at this castle I made!”

• “Look, I have a crab army!”

• He doesn’t shut up

• Mf is also the type to build a butt at the edge of the water so every time the waves crash into the sand water comes out the hole

• He will make a sand penis. He will take a photo of it and send it to Nanami

• By the time he’s ready to go, you are exhausted

• Gojo offers to pack your belongings up and drive

• “Thanks baby, but you don’t have to do that.”

• Gojo pulls you in and plants a warm kiss on your forehead

• “I know, but you’re exhausted. Get some sleep in the car.”

Yuji:

• Yuji is kinda like Gojo, definitely chaotic and impatient, but he’s nicer

• He does ask you “are we there yet” 100 times before you actually get to the beach

• When you get there, the dude is ecstatic; he’s just so excited

• He will carry the heavy stuff and help you unpack everything

• But then he’s off to the water

• He definitely brought his shark inner tube. I feel like he’s the type to have weird pool toys. He definitely owns a Spider-Man beach ball

• He splashes you in the water and gives you piggyback rides. He also pulls you around on his shark float

• He also is the type to go beach combing. He definitely loves sea glass

• He brings home a whole bucket full of different shells. he hides them around Megumi’s room

• I feel like he’d know a lot about shells too. He would point each one out to you

• “Look Y/n, this one is sea glass. Oh, this one is a whelk!”

• Like Gojo, he brought sand toys

• He loves making sand castles

• Burry Yuji in the sand; he finds it funny

• YOU MUST FORCE HIM TO APPLY SUNSCREEN! Otherwise, he will forget and Yuji burns

• He doesn’t tan, he burns, and you don’t want to listen to him whine in pain for the next few days

Megumi:

• Megumi is the calmest out of everyone

• He will drive to the beach and back; he doesn’t mind

• You’re the certified passenger princess

• Unfortunately for him, in this case, you’re the one asking him “are we there yet?”

• He gets annoyed with you and turns the radio up loud so you shut up

• When you get to the beach, he will help you unpack. But he’s staying in the shade

• He doesn’t want to take his chances with getting burnt

• He will apply sunscreen to the places you can’t reach and he is super gentle. Good with his hands

• Personally, he would rather stay on land, but if you wanted to go in the water he will because he loves you

• Please don’t splash him, but if you want to horse around, he will definitely splash you. He will pick you up and throw you into the water

• When you resurface, there is a piece of seaweed stuck in your hair

• He smiles, a genuine, wide smile

• His face becomes flushed at how adorable look

• “What? Why are you smiling at me like that?”

• “You have something in your hair.”

• Instead of watching you struggle trying to remove the seaweed, he swims close to you and pulls it out of your hair

• You pull him close and kiss him. He’s so sweet and adorable

• He gets embarrassed and swims back to the shore

• He packed all of your favorite food for lunch. He just knows you so well

• After lunch, he likes to lay on his stomach while he reads

• If you like reading feel free to join him

• If you don’t, please don’t bother him. He loves his books and listening to the water while reading is therapeutic for him

• When it’s time to go, he will pack up, you are way to exhausted

• On the drive back, you fall asleep. He takes a few photos

Nobara:

• NOBARA IS THE DEFINITION OF CHAOTIC AND FUN

• You’re driving to the beach and back. On the way up, she talks your ear off

• “I can’t wait to go swimming!”

• “I’m going to kick your ass in beach volley.”

• “Im starving. I’m ganna eat when we get there.”

• She does eat when you get there

• You are forced to carry your belongings and hers.

• She makes the boys carry her shit; you are no exception

• She’s already stuffing her face with watermelon

• She doesn’t fall for the “wait one hour after eating before swimming bullshit.” She is already in her bikini and ready to go

• Swimming is an absolute blast with her

• She brought water guns

• She also brought an inflatable boat

• She smokes you with the water guns, girls got skill

• She’s also a show off

• She looks good in her bikini, and she knows it. Definitely uses that fact to try and land a modeling gig. she has no luck

• I don’t think she’s the type to make sandcastles like Gojo and Yuji or read like Megumi

• She wants to play beach volleyball, and she’s good too

• But if you play volleyball, you are way better. She’s got skill but nothing compared to someone who plays the sport competitively

• She eats multiple times throughout the day

• She will help you pack stuff up, but only if you beg her

• She’s stubborn

• But she wont carry it back to the car

• She won’t shut up on the way back either

• You are glad beach day is over

Sukuna:

• Oh boy, here for go for Sukuna

• He’s driving because he is NOT a passenger princess

• Don’t argue with him on that either

• He will help you unpack your luggage, but he won’t be nice about it

• “You’re so weak you can’t carry this shit by yourself? You brought more than me.”

• Don’t get snappy with him, he will throw you in the water and hold you under until he thinks you have learned your lesson. (Obviously he won’t hold you under to the point where you die)

• He will go in the water to splash you. If you tell him to stop, he won’t, so don’t try

• He stole borrowed Nobara’s water guns to shoot you

• Don’t shoot him back lol

• I mean you can, but your actions will have consequences

• Now let’s talk bathing suites

• He’s going to show off his toned abs no doubt. He’s sexy and he knows it. Real eye candy

• But you are a different story

• No bikinis

• He doesn’t want creepy men staring at your body. Your body is for Sukuna’s eyes only

• Let’s say you wore a bikini

• “Brat I told you not to wear that. You look like a slut.”

• You would bicker with him

• “It’s a swimsuit Sukuna. What did you want me to wear? A wetsuit?”

• “Yes.”

• You roll your eyes, but it doesn’t stop there

• If another guy even looks in your direction, he’s dead

• “Did I just see your eyes on my girl? Keep your wandering eyes off her you nasty, pig.”

• Dude would be infuriated

• “The fuck you think you’re looking at?”

• Sukuna’s jealous but do not tell him that unless you want to die

• He is pissed off and frustrated

• He needs to teach you a lesson

• You guys are definitely having car sex

• You’re going to be to too fucked out to do anything else, so Sukuna packs your shit and drives you home

[seravph]

LOL not gonna let anyyyyyyy white person criticize everything everywhere all at once for ANYTHING let alone for it being a ‘mainstream’ movie also parasite. like are u for real ? “watch more movies” ohh u people are actually so so stupid you’re not pretentious you are stupid . being pretentious implies a level of intelligence you are stupid . you’re a white person sand ur gonna say eeaao is an ‘annoying’ top 4 movie ? how many Asian led films have won best picture in the last 20 years, much less dominated award ceremonies? do you know anything about Asian people ? do u care about us ? at all ? ur fr gonna compare eeaao to the JOKER movie ? u don’t understand why this resonated for Asian people in a unique way ? U dead ass for real think eeaao is the same as lady bird ? white people love to have the AUDACITTYYYYYYY do u get why u as a whitey saying eeaao is a lame and overrated movie as inconsiderate and makes u look tone deaf and out of touch ? and the person who said “add moonlight to the list” you are going straight to hell ! you are a dumbass . guess what motherfucker u are not allowed to be white and saying that bullshit for real and for real for real!

[zackaryleartist69]

YO! So I wanted to rant a little about something; I finally read Long Live the Pumpkin Queen.

!Spoilers Warning if you haven’t read the book yet!

I’ve been holding back on reading it since I was like procrastinating but since a good friend of my sister gave it to me might as well read it and… I have thoughts lmao.

Just be known, this is just my opinion and that is it no hard feelings if you don’t like my feelings towards this book then scroll away:

First off, I love the interaction between Sally and Jack since it started off with them getting married and going to their honeymoon to Valentine Town. However, as soon as Jack and Sally got home, they were BOMBARDED with Halloween stuff since this takes place two weeks before Halloween. Sally was so pressured by the whole queen business that she try to talk to Jack about it but got the “we will talk about this later” line… BRO.

Because of this, Sally fled to the woods where all the holiday doors are at and destroy the queenly dress and crown she was wearing and fled deeper in the woods with Zero following her. Upon this, she discovers a hidden tree with a door on it that shaped like a moon. Curiosity got the best of her and she ended up opening it only to get blast by the scent of lavender and other smells that would put people to sleep. She was about to go in, but since the book takes place after the events of the movie Zero got that trauma moment and try to drag Sally away from it trying to protect her. He ended up succeeding and fled away with her arm in his mouth and she chases after her… leaving the door open 😞.

The next day arrives and everyone was deadass sleep- hell even Jack is asleep. But there is something that everyone has that Sally saw every time she stumbles around them; Sand.

Sand everywhere dude and soon we were introduced to the Sandman himself. The way they describe him was so fucking ominous that I got fucking chills from it. This motherfucker did not hesitate to put not only the whole Halloween town to sleep, BUT ALSO THE OTHER HOLDAY TOWNS. Bro went to work Fr fr lmao. Now he’s hunting down Sally to put her to sleep so she try to find a way to stop him.

With the Sandman free and everything, Sally needs to know where Sandman came from so she traveled to Dream Town after talking to a leprechaun (which by the way it’s in sight on how he talked to Sally).

Bro the way they describe Dream Town was so fucking detailed- like Shi I want to be there and sleep almost all day fuck. But when we get to the section of meeting the governors, everything fell apart for me. The governors names are Greta and Albert which was pretty cool. Then they dropped the biggest bombshell for me; These two were Sally’s biological fucking parents. The way I GAGGED at this part of the book so hard that I had to put the book down and process what I just read. Sally got parents. Like actual biological parents. I have mixed feelings about that bro Fr fr. Anyways, they had a little family moment until Sally asked them about stopping Sandman and everything… bro… Tell me why instead of helping her, her parents ended up chopping down the groven trees, where she came through by the WAY, to keep sandman out of the Dream Town… BRO!

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?????

I was so fucking mad bro on my mama I was so mad that I almost stopped reading cause of how stupid it was. But I pressed on because I was curious on how it will turn out since Sally discovers a way to stop the Sandman. She has to put him into a deep sleep that’s all. But now she can’t fucking go back to Halloween town cause her parents chopped down the trees like come on bruh.

At a desperate attempt, Sally manages to convince her parents to let her go home and so they show her the way to go to the human realm in their world so that she can go to a cemetery to go back to Halloween Town (wow that’s a mouthful). The funniest thing ever is that Sally ended up in Queen Elizabeth the Second’s place and got inspiration from her to keep going good for her.

Finally she made it out of the human realm and made it to Halloween town and start working on a potion to put Sandman to sleep, but she has to lure him somehow. She had a bad bitch moment where she stands up against the Sandman as soon as he discovers her and fell in the fountain with the help of Zero. Now that the sandman is asleep, everyone started to wake up and Jack and Sally had a reunion moment which was so fucking CUTE SICJSNXKANXN.

Out of no where, Greta and Albert ended up popping up in Halloween town after Sally showed Jack the door to Dream Town and met up with the other Halloween residents hovering over the sleeping Sandman. Albert gets points for saying the funniest line ever like homie was like “yeah throw him off the cliff!”. Until The Sandman woke up and he became nice????? Like all this time he just needed to sleep… okay buddy 😭

In the end, Sally adjusted to her new life as a Pumpkin Queen with Jack by her side and live happily ever after.

Also Doctor Finklestein gets banished for hundreds of years kidnapping Sally and making her forget where she belongs, bro was desperate Fr fr 💀.

In conclusion, I think this book is pretty neat and have moments where I practically enjoyed reading but some not so much. At some point I was getting frustrated that Sally was written like a stereotypical protagonist that beats themselves to hard to the point they cry themself too much like come on bro. But either way I have to give props to the author for making her a badass near the end of the book.

Over all I give it a solid 8/10, it’s a good book would read it some time to time but when I feel like reading again lmao.

I can’t fucking wait to read “Sally’s lament” when it comes out this October the cover looks sick and the “What If” was so fucking clever.

[michaellikesdilfs]

I hate Derek Goffard

He makes me insufferably upset. OH MY FUCKING GOD. DEREK PLEASE DIE. i hope theres a date given for when derek died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone. everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man. where the fuck is Derek if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt. HES SUCH A PATHETIC MANWHORE UGHHH he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta/torture p*rn fanfics/the hunger games and wanted the irl version just to be edgy ill go ham.

I want to set his motorcycle on fire with him on it so bad. ill punch derek and his sad frail ‘alpha male’ twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final motorcycle he kept on him at all times and I’ll eat it in front of his corpse. I'm going to pulverize him into dust and then snort him. 

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. 

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING DEREK GOD DAMN FOOL MOTERCYCLE HUMPING SAND EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING DEREK STOP DEREK I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP HOBBIES WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT. THIS BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME EVEN IF NOT IN THE ROOM. GET AWAY FROM ME 

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said Derek waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

This man has never showered I just know he has penis cheese. He is such a spoiled blond boy I hate him I hate him I hate him he seems like the type to leave all those ‘fragile men reviews’ on the Barbie movie GOD I HATE THAT MANSPLAINING BASTARD.  I’m currently curled up in a ball sobbing why does he look like taht stop it Someone make it stop there’s blood everywhere I hate Derek he’s probably the type to think periods are liberal propaganda I hate him I hate him I’m going feral why am I shaking why. IF I GET ONE “didn’t ask” COMMENT IM GOING TO CONSUME MY LIMBS. IM CURRENTLY CHEWING ON MY DRYWALL OUT OF PURE RAGE I just know he watches mlp and has a crush on twilight sparkle and Kins rainbow dash

“I Kin Rainbow dash and Applejack bc I’m awesome and I’m kind and I’m brave and I’m Loyal and… 🤓🤓” -Derek

(this is all a joke btw it’s ok if u like Derek I just have this BURNING hatred for this fictional character. This is mainly a parody post of the JURGEN LITNER rant LMAOO)

[mirthandcruelty]

I’m not even close to the first person to say this, but technology is getting worse at a frightening rate. It’s gussied up to look better, with fancy graphics and touch screens where user interfaces should go, but I have less and less interactions with technology that don’t end with me frustrated or disgusted. 

Most recently, I had to get a new laptop and it camed prepackaged with Windows 11. Just like anyone else with any sense I’ve been putting off upgrading from ten for months and while I have a good copy of 10 to downgrade to, I just wanted to hop on and start getting some shit done.

Motherfuckers blocked me from running ninite. Not just that, the default is to block any software that doesn’t come from the Microsoft store. The corporations who create technology aren’t just trying to sand off rough edges, they’re trying to flatten everything into a single flat plane and leaving nothing but sawdust behind. 

I know that I could downgrade, or switch to linux or whatever, but that feels like a temporary solution at this point. This is happening everywhere. With Twitter crumbling and facebook blocking ill defined “sensitive” content without recourse, it feels like online habitats are undergoing deforestation. You have to go farther and farther afield to access functionality that was basic and low hanging ten years ago.  How the hell does progress look like walling us all into smaller and smaller walled gardens?

I have no idea how to fix any of this. It feels very much beyond individual action, but I don’t even know how you would organize anything collective to stop it. It just sits on my mind, filling me with despair along with the Canadian smoke darkening the skies, and the resurgent fascism cropping up the world over. 

I wish I could have hope that things will get better, but my entire life has been a confluence of ineptitude, malevolence and commercial interests making things worse. Technology sucks, and just like everything else, it makes me sad.

[amyfevernight]

What i learned from All Engines Go without actually watching the show (Season 1 + Shorts)

i’ve got the season 2 episodes but season 2 ain’t done yet so eh also race for the sodor cup isn’t here because i’m thinking of doing the movies seperately

done in the same format as MLP’s “What I Learned Today”/”What I Learned This Time”/”What I Learned This Other Time”

SEASON 1

A Thomas Promise: HAVING A PISSING CONTEST IS JUST GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE Thomas Blasts Off: THOMAS IS AN ATTENTION WHORE License to Deliver: CAN SOMEONE GET PERCY A DOCTOR, HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK Rules of the Game: THOMAS IS AN ATTENTION WHORE: ATTENTION WHORE HARDER A Quiet Delivery: BUY EARMUFFS. OR TAKE A DIFFERENT QUIET ROUTE, JESUS CHRIST. Kana Goes Slow: STOP BEING SUCH A DAMN SPEED DEMON Dragon Run: THOMAS IS AN ATTENTION WHORE: THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL The Biggest Adventure Club: HEY LOOK, THE SPIN-OFF NOBODY ASKED FOR, SANDY IS ALSO AN ATTENTION WHORE Percy’s Lucky Bell: DON’T TAKE BELLS I GUESS? Sandy’s Sandy Shipment: I HATE SAND, IT’S COARSE, ROUGH AND GETS EVERYWHERE A Wide Delivery: HOLY SHIT THOMAS, STOP BEING SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE Counting Cows: COWS ARE AWESOME Music is Everywhere: THAT ISN’T MUSIC, THAT’S NOISE Backwards Day: DON’T BELIEVE RUMORS, IDIOT Chasing Rainbows: RAINBOWS ARE FUCKING AWESOME Nia’s Balloon Blunder: BALLOONS I GUESS? Capture the Flag: STOP BEING A FUCKING SPEED DEMON, HOLY SHIT DUDE Mystery Boxcars: GET. A BIGGER. BATTERY. Super Screen Cleaners: MOVIES ARE AWESOME I GUESS? AND CLEAN SHIT, I DUNNO Overnight Stop: JESUS CHRIST CAN SOMEONE GET PERCY SOME MEDICINE OR SOMETHING, WE’RE GETTING WORRIED ABOUT HIM NOW The Joke Is On Thomas: BEING AN OBNOXIOUS DICK IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU SAY “IT’S JUST A PRANK BRO” Lost and Found: STOP TRYING TO TAKE SHORTCUTS, STUPID Thomas' Day Off: THIS EPISODE IS FILLED WITH LIES, DAYS OFF ARE AWESOME The Real Number One: IMAGINE HAVING YOUR EGO SHATTERED BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING NUMBER GOT COVERED Roller Coasting: GET. PERCY. SOME. FUCKING. HELP. No Power, No Problem!: IT IS A PROBLEM. BECAUSE YOU ARE TRAINS. SPECIFICALLY FOR THE ELECTRIC ONE. The Tiger Train: THE RETURN OF THOMAS BEING AN ATTENTION WHORE Can-Do Submarine Crew: YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY CAN DELIVER A CHINESE DRAGON BUT NOT A FUCKIN’ SUBMARINE? Eggsellent Adventure: THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF IS AWESOME Calliope Crack-Up: ISN’T THIS TECHNICALLY MURDER Tyrannosaurus Wrecks: DINOSAURS ARE AWESOME The Super-Long Shortcut: GORDON IS GOING TO GET SCRAPPED SOON, ISN’T HE A Light Delivery: HAVING PISSING CONTESTS MAKES THINGS WORSE: THE SEQUEL The Paint Problem: THOMAS IS AN ATTENTION WHORE AND THIS EPISODE IS JUST ALL IN VAIN BUT WORSE Wonderful World: HOW DO YOU LOSE FUCKING TREES?? Whistle Woes: WHISTLE GO TWEET TWEET OR SOMETHING Letting Off Steam: “LASHING OUT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER” ISN’T A GOOD MORAL, NIA Nia's Perfect Plan: NIA IS AN IDIOT Something to Remember: EYO WASSUP, IT’S YA BOI DEMENTIA Sandy Versus the Storm: SANDY IS ALSO AN ATTENTION WHORE 2: ATTENTION WHORE BOOGALOO An UnbeLEAFable Day: MOTHERFUCKER, I WILL BEAT YOU FOR THAT PUN. A Rusty Rescue: THOMAS DIDN’T LEARN SHIT FROM THE LUCKY BELL Ghost Train: HELLO DOCTOR? YEAH, IT’S PERCY AGAIN Hide and Surprise!: DIESEL CAN YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING INTO PISSING CONTESTS Pop a Wheelie: YEP, GORDON’S GETTING SCRAPPED. ALSO, THOMAS AND DIESEL, WILL YOU TWO STOP FUCKING HAVING PISSING CONTESTS. Goodbye, Ghost-Scaring Machine: FINALLY, PERCY GOT SOME FUCKING HELP More Cowbell: USE MY MOTHERFUCKING MEMES AS EPISODE TITLES AGAIN AND I WILL FUCKING BREAK YOU. Sir Topham Hatt's Hat: IT’S A FUCKIN’ HAT DUDE. Nia's Surprising Surprise: BIRTHDAY EPISODE I GUESS A New View for Thomas: HOW DID HAROLD NOT FUCKING DIE Skiff Sails Sodor: >IMPLYING ANYONE CARED ABOUT THIS ONE Song of Sodor: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, IT’S A BENCH. ALSO SOMETHING SOMETHING BUY OUR TOYS

====

SHORTS

Diesel’s Rules: KANA LITERALLY WON THE TRAIN GENE POOL AND YOU’LL NEVER BE BETTER THAN HER Nia and the Ducks: DUCKS ARE AWESOME Muddy Thomas: TOPHAAAAM, THOMAS IS JUMPING INTO STUPID BETS AGAIN Kana and the Butterflies: TEEHEE GIRLS LIKE BUTTERFLIES: THE SHORT Percy’s Perfect Place: GODDAMN LET PERCY FUCKING SLEEP Crystal Cavern: THOSE CRYSTALS ARE RADIOACTIVE. CAN TRAINS DIE FROM RADIOACTIVE ACTIVITY? PROBABLY NOT James and the Dragon: JAMES IS A FUCKIN’ PUSSY Diesel’s Seagull: LITERALLY DIESEL AND THE DUCKLINGS AGAIN, SEE ME AFTER CLASS. Thomas and the Troublesome Trucks: THE TRUCKS ARE DICKS, WHAT A SURPRISE Surprise!: THIS IS JUST A SHORT VERSION OF AN EXISTING EPISODE, SEE ME AFTER FUCKING CLASS. Too Loud Nia: STOP BEING AN ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT Lighthouse Disco: [RISE DUNGEON THEME INTENSIFIES] Horrible Hiccups: TRAINS CAN GET HICCUPS NOW I GUESS The Big Balloon Breakout: MORE GODDAMN BALLOONS JESUS Sandy Tidies Up: TIDY, SHIT, YADDA YADDA Carly and Cranky’s Big Lift Off: DO YOU EVEN FUCKIN’ LIFT BRO??? Hay, Now!: MOTHERFUCKING HAYSTACKS Red Light, Green Light: LITERALLY A GAME OF RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT WHO CARES Confetti Car Kerfuffle: CONFETTI IS AWESOME Skiff Upon The Sea: SERIOUSLY DOES ANYONE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SKIFF

[venombloom]

"When did you get this?" / luc <3

@fatewoven

There's hardly an inch of sun kissed sand colored flesh that's not marred by scars. Her face is one of them as well as her neck and a majority of her front abdomen. Everywhere else though? A canvas full of strokes of all shapes, sizes and intensity from ankles to shoulders.

The one he points out is a bit more prominent, stretching from left hip up her side and almost to her back. She doesn't have to look down to know which one Lucanis is referring to. Oh no, because he traces it with perfect precision; deft but worn fingers against supple, sweat slicked skin.

The touch is light enough to be considered gentle yet heavy enough to be easily detectable; purposeful. And of course the feeling comes when she's at the peak of a pull up. Though in a way it's a blessing. Because that serves as the excuse for why her body tenses up as well as the fact that for a beat the only answer she can give is a noise of acknowledgement that's a mix of a grunt and groan. Eyes are kept forward, concentrating on not making contact of falling on her face.

It's not the first time she's had his hands on her for one reason or another, so truthfully it shouldn't still get to her. She swears however sometimes it's on purpose; like he's trying to intentionally catch her off guard. Surely. Or she's just being silly.

At last Daisy starts to leisurely lower her body, letting a long exhale of breath she's held loose from her lungs.

"Ah, that one...hide and seek?" It's comes out as a question as Daisy mentalky double checks her recollection. "Oh no no. That's the one above it." she mutters with a kick of one of her feet while she dangles.

"No, the one you're asking about is Viago's handy work. A year before I graduated to full fledged assassin. We were sparring and he got me good. No surprise the blade was tainted. But whatever poison he used it was like acid. I could almost feel it dissolving and eating away at me." Perhaps that's a bit a dramatization but that pain she remembers clearly. Like being bit by a pit of snakes or stung by a hundred scorpions. It wouldn't surprise her if the toxin had included venom from either or both creatures. "Obviously I survived. It hurt like nine hells. And I got punished for losing the match...and I think he went a bit harder with it because I punched him in the nose and called him a motherfucker in retaliation."

What had he expected though when she had been in such agony? When it felt like her flesh was melting and her veins were on fire?

"I know scars aren't the prettiest thing to have, like freckles. But I've always felt they make me distinguished. Or at least serve as good stories." A huff of laughter slips out before she takes another deep inhale and starts pulling herself back up once more.

[captainjonnydville]

Oh, you're on the right track now!

And why wouldn't I have all that sand? I like sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere. I'm sure you'll have plenty of reasonable sounding explanations for why there's this much sand on the Aurora for all the mechanically-minded members of the crew later.

Now, out of respect to that other anon, I'm not going to shoot you anywhere fatal. Probably.

BANG

-- Vengeance Anon

ARGH- I was using that arm, you motherfucker-

Marius is the right track, yeah? Are you throwing a hissy fit about a spot of light murder between friends?

[deathinfeathers-a]

❝ i’m not gonna let anything happen to you. ❞ said whilst probably rolling his eyes because of course he's not.

Why Sera had appointed the godforsaken crystal beach as her location of choice for this month's team-building outing is inconceivable.

1) Sand. Nobody likes sand. It gets in your shoes. It gets in your hair. It gets in your feathers. It gets everywhere (plus it's coarse and rough and irritating).

2) Too damn hot! Why is the beach always hotter than anywhere else In heaven? Where's the thermostat? Somebody's controlling the temperature, it's not like they have a fireball in the sky or an atmosphere that regulates that shit like on earth??

3) THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH ASS OCEAN!!

"Shut up! SHUT UP!! Stop! You're getting too close! We're going to fall in!! WE'RE GOING TO FALL IN ADAM!!"

Currently draped around her fiancé's shoulders like a sapient feather boa, every talon holding on for dear life. Never mind the fact that they're a good 15 feet away from any modicum of moisture. You can never be too careful when the hideous, deep blue abyss is concerned.

[inspiteofwhatherscarssay]

off my chest.

It's been a year, three months, and give or take some days. And it feels like in that timespan, things should've changed, people should've grown, feelings should've dissipated.

They haven't.

I can't even tell you how I knew-- I had a fucking feeling, and my gut never lies to me. Hell, I'm sure that the same day I had the gut feeling was the same day you were rolling around with sand in your fucking ass. And I was right. At least you had the decency to sound remorseful. Do I mean nothing to you? You've disrespected the fuck out of me, and you're lucky you're not in front of me, because I could fucking spit on you and break your fucking face in six different ways.

"It meant nothing, and I honestly don't feel proud of it." yeah, cause that makes me feel a lot better. I fucking knew it. I knew this stupid motherfucker talked you into going to Mexico and fucking his friends or some random bitches staying at the hostel; and just for the record, I hate your fucking friend.

---

"I can't wait to see you again."

Everything went well. Dinner and conversation flowed, but I couldn't find myself connecting further. He's really nice, I just don't see it going further. And I surely didn't expect crying in my car because I'm doing what I can to move on; doing what I need to now that I know you want nothing to do with me like that anymore, but the only thing I can think of is betrayal, and the worst kind, like you didn't betray on the beach in Mexico that day. Why do you feel so bad, Alma? He had zero qualms about fucking her, you should feel zero qualms about going on a harmless date. I know, conscious, and you're right, but my problem is that I CARE, and I see it as betrayal and hurting him, even though he didn't feel bad about hurting me; whether intentional or not. I'm doing what I need to to move on-- but why does it feel so bad? I cried all the way home, and couldn't wait to get in my covers and cry some more, and think about the time we went on our date.

---

I woke up in a cold sweat and in tears. We were dancing, you were wearing a khaki suit and you had on that smile that I love so much. You were holding me in your arms, and I looked down and I was wearing white. Flowers everywhere. People happy. Us dancing. Spinning around. Everything we're not and never will be. The dream was so vivid I could smell you. I felt happy. And that made me fucking cry. That made me fucking cry because everything came flooding back. The breakup talk, the discussion from Mexico, the fights, the love, the hugs, the forehead kisses, it all came back to me so fast it made my head spin and I ran to the bathroom to throw up.

---

you should write him a letter.

So now we're here. I've sat on these feelings for a year, three months, and some days. I've hopped on Bumble and Hinge for shits and giggles, also for some validation, but it feels in vain and empty. I've gone on dates, talked to men, gotten phone numbers, but all of it feels like I'm weirdly betraying you, even though we're not together. And I know for a fact you wouldn't give a shit. It's just there's something inside me that makes me feel bad, and makes me stop. I think I was in denial about it for a while, but I think now I'm ready to come out and say it. Because at the end of the day, I want you to win, and I want the best for you. I worry about you being depressed, I worry about you eating enough, I worry about you finding a job, and I worry about you not being happy; more than I would like for you to know and more than I care to admit. I think I figured out why. I care about you. I care more than a friend should. I care like you're my partner, and I don't think I ever stopped. I wanted to, but goddamn it, I fucking couldn't, and it sucks. It sucks because I want the best for you, even if it isn't me, and you deserve more. It sucks because part of me feels like it should be me. It sucks because I shouldn't care this much anymore, but Cam, I do. And if you have to cut me out of your life, I can accept that. But I still care a lot about you, and I don't know if I'm ever going to stop.

I needed to get it off my chest.

[noshizzle]

Just rhymes

There’s a whole lotta hatin goin on out there. A whole lotta stress polluting the air, a whole lotta ego, a whole lotta fear, a whole lotta fighting and blame everywhere.

There’s a whole lotta war and not enough peace. A whole lotta law, yet murders increase. People dying in the streets, gun men rollin with police. There’s a whole lotta spies, and blinkered eyes, a whole lotta toxins, some coke with your fries? 

A whole lotta fake shit on repeat, a whole lotta hate in just one tweet. There's a war on climate, a war on meat, a war on breathing & speaking & heat. There’s a whole lotta rhythm, a whole lot of beat, a whole lotta truth that shall defeat, a light in the darkness, revealing the lies, shining upon us, Jah lions must rise

People getting busy, heads down in the sand, land grab, fuckin money grab, this shit is outta hand. Billions sent to corporate accounts, trillions given to banks. Get up, stand up it’s time to denounce, the corrupt the crooks & the cranks, the motherfuckers bringing us down, the banking cartel running this town. 

You preach about equality then hate on me for my POV. Your talk is cheap, it’s hypocrisy. You live in a cage but think you’re free. It makes me laugh, superiority, I’m better than you, my genealogy, my looks, my brains, my no apologies. My cars, my chains, my known felonies. My boat, my jet, my house in Belize, my bank accounts full, no tax bitch, please. 

I’m super fly when the stakes are high, got stocks to sell and crypto to buy, got cash piling up, I don’t even try, my rocks are blinding, they’ll make you cry and when you see it ain’t no lie, watch me wave my last goodbye, I’ll live it up to the day I die, with no regrets and no reply. 

This is the now, let it go. This is the future, let it flow. This is the present, own the show. Blazing in the afterglow, now you get it, now you know. Only love, reap & sow, only realness, feel me bro? Only music, flights and blow, only good times, up and go, only high, never low, only sky, not down below, sometimes fire, sometimes snow, sometimes fast & sometimes slow.

Get me in the studio. Drop the bass, new audio, words are dollars, values grow. Always winning, never owe. This is my scenario, new pad, new car, new barrio, new watch, new shades, new deals and so, new dealers name is Mario. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, see ya down in Mexico. Never mind the status quo, get the cheddar, get the dough. It’s all about the balance yo, roll the dice, you’re on death row. 

[redpenship]

jumper (2/14)

Sand is not kind to Shadow's air shoes.

For the sixteenth time that day, he is thrown violently into the desert floor after too much sand slipped into his shoes' jets and stopped their propulsion. He rolls once, twice, until he comes to a stop in the scorching sand.

With a hiss, he scrambles to his feet and shakes the sand out of his fur. All of this is terrible. Those stupid motherfuckers at the colony are going to pay for dumping him out here to die.

Don't they know killing him is really hard? If he were as fragile as everyone else, he probably would've kicked the bucket a long time ago. Does his existence as the Ultimate Lifeform mean nothing to them?

Whatever. He's sure that they'll realize the error of their ways when he returns to kill them all.

After an hour or so of walking, he finds a rock formation flat enough to sit on. Some of it is covered by the shade of a boulder, so he might even be able to rest out of the sun for a bit! How lucky.

Once he's settled in, he takes off his air shoes and carefully cleans the sand from the jets. The process takes at least twenty minutes per shoe. Really, it might be worth walking the rest of the way if it means he won't have to clean out his shoes twice an hour. He'll reach the colony later than planned, but at least he'll be less frustrated by the time he gets there.

He straps his feet back into his shoes, and then hears a sonic boom in the distance.

Oh, now isn't this just perfect.

He follows a cloud of kicked up sand with his eyes as Sonic approaches his location. Like usual, it takes no time at all for the blue hedgehog to get there.

Sonic skids to a stop next to him. He pants with exhaustion and looks at the sky with apprehension. "The sun is really killer these days, huh?"

Shadow gives him a level look. "You could say that."

In a stupid gesture, Sonic feigns wiping sweat off his forehead and then finally meets eyes with Shadow. It's stupid because hedgehogs sweat through their bellies. Why bother even going through the motion if it has no benefit?

"Whew! Anyways, long time no see." Sonic breaks eye contact to survey the area. "Is it really like this everywhere? I thought the colony people were lying when they said the whole world was a desert."

"They're telling the truth. The world fucking sucks."

For a moment, Sonic looks like he wants to say something. He seems to decide against it with a small shake of his head, then awkwardly leans back on his heels. A few minutes of silence pass before he speaks again.

"Are you going to kill them?" Sonic asks. He says it casually, with the levity of someone inquiring about another person's weekend plans.

Shadow raises an eyebrow at the question. "Will you stick around long enough to stop me?"

Sonic clicks his tongue and puts a hand on his hip. "You're not allowed to ask me that."

No matter how important the rules of their interactions are, they can be pretty annoying. "Fine. Then yes, I do plan to kill them. They deserve it."

He wonders how Sonic feels about it. If he met the same colonists that Shadow did, then he would know all about their post-apocalyptic slave empire. He would also know that Shadow had been banished after attempting to destroy them.

Sonic probably has very strong thoughts about that colony. Perhaps those thoughts carry more weight than his personal ethical philosophy.

Like usual, Sonic does not make these feelings known. He simply nods and says, "Yeah, okay."

Shadow gives him a once-over, then stares at him for so long that Sonic becomes visibly uncomfortable. Still, he does not let up. There is something about this situation that feels wrong. There is something missing.

Finally, he finds it.

"You're a bad actor," he says with a smirk. Sonic's eyes widen a little in surprise. "You've gone farther than this before. This entire world is the result of a massive ecological disaster--a personal nightmare scenario for you, I'm sure. Shouldn't you be freaking out right now?"

Sonic groans. He holds up a hand. "Stop. Just--stop. You are breaking so many rules right now."

Still, Shadow pushes. "If you're going to do this, you need to get better at acting. You can't make it so easy for me to figure this stuff out."

"These are your rules too, Shadow." Sonic is now visibly frustrated; his arms are crossed over his chest and one of his ears twitches in annoyance. "You have to follow them as much as I do."

With a shrug, Shadow leans back and lays down on the rock. He closes his eyes and smiles. "Leave, Sonic. This isn't a good place for you."

It takes some time for Sonic to finally cave to Shadow's request. Without saying goodbye, he takes off in a cloud of sandy dust and disappears into the distance.

They don't really need to say goodbye. They will see each other again soon.