#the most important thing is to show that they are willing to change and that they relelize such behaviors cannot continue

[moominmanoneandonly]

My case was a little special since I was extremely sheltered growing up alone. Those my experiences are very specific (I changed high school 3 times and mostly spent time in the home schooling system), and I work properly only under pressure, which leads to bad mental health so it's kinda an Ouroboros situation.

Anyway, more importantly, I graduated 2 weeks ago. I have no idea what to do with my life. However, I can advise you based on my experience that getting to find enjoyable people who are more capable and willing to help you learn is the best way to survive and develop at this point. Watching other people act and understanding their expectations is the best way for me to act properly. Having some kind of guidance, even an online one, can help a lot.

Doing stuff you enjoy. For example. I greatly value food, so sometimes it was my main motivation to go to school. "If I go to school today, I can eat this after classes" type of deal. Reward systems work well most of the time. Most importantly, try to avoid rotting too much, and I'm telling this as someone who has yet to improv on that. But anytime you get a chance to do something that can make you better as long as it doesn't drain you completely, it's important to try doing those things.

More to the point stuff:

•schoolwork- have a task list. Checking things off sometimes gives motivation.

•friends- I meet mine through therapy groups, but it works diffrent for everybody. Wear or do stuff that shows your interests and makes you easier to approach.

•collage applications- man, I wish i had known about that. For a basic plan is good to find something that you find easy to have as like something stable (for me it's English studies), and then consider stuff you enjoy as another option you can focus on in the meantime. There is no shame in changing major. Unless there's money problems. +also, if you are passionate about something and don't worry about money, do it straight away. It's better to do it than regret it (I missed out on art school that way)

Keep in mind that I'm not a very reliable person in terms of advice since I'm barely doing anything productive. But I hope it somehow helped or at least made sense

people who have graduated high school (or are in it) how the genuine FUCK did you do it. this year is almost over and im already burnt out, exhausted, and sick of EVERYTHING. there have been good parts but damn this shit SUCKS.

this is an ask for genuine advice... about anything really schoolwork, friends, college apps.........

help a poor loser out

[mechsangel]

lucky charm , ft. bllck

what the blue lock boys' good luck charm is | itoshi sae, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro, michael kaiser

itoshi sae

i can imagine you getting him some kind of bracelet that he wears 24/7. he won't do anything like kiss it before a game because he thinks it's embarrassing. he doesn't think he needs luck—he's got talent, after all—but he still won't take it off. when you gifted him the bracelet, he probably didn't look all that impressed with it. but when you told him “i'll return it if you don't like it” he just scoffed and never even answered you. trust me, that's sae's version of the no, it's mine forever now. and he literally never takes it off. like. he wears it to his games, in the shower, at interviews. he gives no fucks.

he never talks about it though. he doesn't even like when you bring it up. he's just embarrassed ,, he's just a silly little guy.

shidou ryusei

i'm not going to be nsfw here but trust me, i could be. he's my favourite little freak. <3 but alas ,

his good luck charm is a kiss from you. i'm not talking about a little brush of your lips, no. i'm talking about a full on kiss, tongue and everything, before every single one of his games. if you're willing, he'll make a show out of it too. he'll make out with you right in the stadium after threatening the coach to let you sit on the bench with the team as opposed to somewhere in the audience.

he'll come out of the locker room, run up to you and just pull you into a kiss. if he could, he'd do it after every single one of his goals too. (he's probably tried this and figured out pretty quickly that it doesn't work all that well in the middle of a game)

nagi seishiro

nagi is a low effort type of guy. he likes easy things and he doesn't want to over complicate literally anything. so for him, i imagine it'd be something simple and sweet: a hug. before one of his games, you'll give him a tight hug & kiss on the cheek to seal the deal.

“do your best, sei!” you'll say and he'll complain and whine that it's a hassle, but at the end of the day, he will try to do his best for you. and so far, it's worked pretty well.

sometimes though, he won't want to leave your embrace. he'll just keep holding onto you until you have to literally pull him off because he needs to get to the locker room to get changed for the game. bribe him with cuddles and a gaming session if he does well and he'll let go—but not without complaining and whining.

michael kaiser

he has a lot of tattoos. so before an important game, you'll get a sharpie and add a little drawing to them. other people rarely see it since he's got to keep his arms covered most of the time during games anyway, but he knows it's there and it makes him want to be even better—want to impress you even more.

the night before a game, you'll add a cute little sketch of a cat to his arm with a little heart and he literally will not shower until after the game, just to make sure it stays there. i don't think it's so much about luck for him, i think it's just a reminder that you're watching him and he needs to be the best on the field.

[michanvalentine]

Another thing I absolutely love about Astarion’s redemption arc is how some narrative threads introduced in Act 1 find their resolution in the good ending.

The first and most obvious one revolves around the beautiful concept of a gift.

When the player offers their blood to Astarion, he receives a gift that goes beyond mere nourishment. In that moment, what Tav/Durge is giving him, beyond blood, is understanding and trust.

And this concept comes full circle after the ritual, where this narrative thread finds its conclusion. That’s when Spawn Astarion thanks the player for the gift they have given him—gently guiding him by the hand toward a new path where he is truly free.

But not just free. As the vampire spawn himself says in that ending, he is honestly free. And for that gift, he is grateful.

I think that’s absolutely beautiful.

But the meaning runs even deeper than that. This ties into the theme of seeing and being seen—not in a superficial sense.

After all, Astarion’s appearance is both a curse and a shield, something he has learned to wield, just like his mannerisms, his charming words, and the sarcasm he uses as a distraction.

It’s an important concept because it means going beyond the surface, seeing him for who he truly is, feeling him, and experiencing him in his entirety.

Astarion deeply struggles with his condition—not just as a slave, but as a vampire. He’s so happy to be able to act human again thanks to the Illithid tadpole, to do simple, mundane things like crossing running water or entering a house without permission. And let’s not even talk about his joy at standing under the sunlight.

When you meet him on the beach for the first time and reveal what will happen if they don’t get rid of the Illithid tadpoles, Astarion’s bitter reaction, complete with laughter, shows just how much it truly weighs on him: "Of course it’s going to turn me into a monster, what else did I expect?!"

In fact, when his vampiric nature is revealed for the first time during the bite scene, he fears rejection and is quick to emphasize that he’s not some kind of monster. The morning after, when Shadowheart tactlessly points out this aspect of him, his expression changes, and we can see how being perceived as a monster wounds him. It keeps him at a distance, sets him apart as something other. Later, he will even say outright that he wants to be treated like a person—not as a slave, not as a vampire. Just a person. Not superior, not inferior. Exactly like everyone else. Because Astarion wants to be part of the world, to reconnect with people.

This is especially clear when he approves of Tav’s perspective—that he could find a place for himself in the world, where he could be accepted, supported, if he is willing to open up and do the same for others. He approves because the idea appeals to him—it makes him feel like he can belong. Not as a monster, but as a person finding his way back into the world he once inhabited.

But I’m digressing.

The mirror scene isn’t just there by chance—it’s narratively strategic. In that moment, Astarion explicitly asks the player what they see, because he wants to know how the world perceives him. He worries about how others see him precisely because he feels separate, othered, like a monster. And it’s not a matter of appearance—Astarion knows he’s gorgeous. He’s heard it thousands of times over the centuries. But he’s insecure about his place within the group, within society, within the world.

That’s why he appreciates it when Tav/Durge reassures him on the two things that trouble him most—his piercing gaze (the red eyes of a vampire) and his dangerous smile (the sharp fangs of a predator). He relaxes because, in that moment, he feels accepted. Because he realizes his defining traits aren’t the insurmountable barriers he thought they were. Because the person in front of him sees him—not through the lens of prejudice, but for who he really is.

This theme returns later, during the confrontation with Aurelia and Leon, when Astarion deflects the idea of being heroic by saying, "I can’t be what you see in me." Again, the motif of seeing, of looking deeper, of recognizing something more, of reading between the lines—both of the narrative and of his character.

And it’s beautiful when, the morning after the ritual, that relaxed, happy Astarion, with that wonderful smile on his lips, says that Tav/Durge saw something in him. Something different from everyone else. Something beyond his monstrous nature, beyond his darkest intentions, beyond his fear.

Tav/Durge saw him. Saw his potential.

And if you’re in a romantic relationship with him, in the graveyard scene, Astarion will bring up this idea once again. With a heroic Tav/Durge, Astarion feels safe. And he feels seen. Seen, for god’s sake. That’s huge.

This is where this narrative arc—about perception, about seeing him throughout the entire journey—finds its resolution. Astarion is truly more than what Cazador made him to be. He breaks free from the pattern of monster/vampire. He chooses to start living again. To rediscover himself. To reclaim his identity in the most human way possible—through the world and the people around him.

Perhaps his body has not regained its human traits, but spawn Astarion is, without a doubt, the Astarion who has reclaimed his humanity the most.

[pinkmoonastro]

Every planet in the 12th: Observations

The 12th house shows you in which ways you can leave the biggest impact on the world in the purest most intentional way if you so choose.

*I didn't feel like proof reading spare me*

sun in the 12th often misperceived or seen as having underlining motives even when that is furthest from the truth. Actually quite often upfront with their intentions regardless if they know more than they've led you to believe. The projection others put on them is veryyy high, sun person unconsciously triggering deep seated wounds in others while they just assume they’re having a normal conversation. They either love gossip or are always being brought up in gossip. Attracting secret admirers bc of the taboo aspect of their personality. They teach others how to be themselves through example and that gives them the popular loner vibe, everyone wants to know whats going on in their life. Though Its often not as interesting as the stories that are being created about them (probably at home chilling). Unintentionally very funny their light hearted nature makes others feel comfortable. They know how to create warm welcomes. They can read animals minds. They dress how they feel. Escape artist. Probably through music, film or imagination. Gift for photography.

moon in 12th romantic relationships have a big influence on these people. They'll change their whole life around to fit into their lovers life for better or worse. Naturally harmonious these people are seemingly unsuspecting until you piss them off then you realize they just choose to keep peace. Prone to escapism usually through some sort of creative pursuit turned business. Obviously not forward with their feelings ppl tend to label them as having their head in the clouds when in reality they have plans its just nobody else's business. There's a love/resentful relationship with the mother. The mother could've been a physical provider but not emotional. These ppl had to nurture and comfort themselves and it made them very good at being those things for others. Children and animals loveeeee them. They are givers and don't mind sharing for the greater good. Dependable and persistent they can stick out something they feel is important. But if they don't care... Oh its very obvious. That job they don't like? Oh don't even worry about it they'll quit. They don't like feeling stressed or unharmonious and don't mind removing anything thats trying to hinder that. In the lower natures this creates a person that ignores anything that would make them have to readjust their behavior. Extremely delusional and misreads the room quite often. Very emotional changing how they feel about you frequently. It can become hard to give and receive trust.

Mars in the 12th manifest things/experiences so easy especially through their connections. They know how to put themselves in the right rooms with the right people. They date people that improve their social standing and they do the same in return. When its comes to career they could've seemed like the runt in the group but they grew themselves to be well respected in their field. Often hearing ''you only got this because''. They attract a lot of haters jealous of their success or the way they got their success. these people are attractive and naturally have a body others envy, they always have options and good ones at that.

Venus in 12th boy oh boy the hopeless romantics, but whats so hopeless about it? Others may often wonder why you picked the person you did viewing you as opposites. There may be an age gap or cultural difference. The women often choose partners that have a different social standing or perception than their own. The Men do the same though their more willing to be in relationships with unrequited love. Have had their fair share of infidelity issues until they found the person that would ride or die for them and vise versa. Privacy and trust are high priority for these people. Very good at socializing they know how to read what is needed to improve the energy of a space. Their parties/hostings are always so inviting and rememberable. They work very well with children and animals. Especially those in need. Fostering is something they wouldn't mind doing, along with nursing things back to health. Examples hair, nails. Plants etc. Very crafty they'd create beautiful jewelry and clothing. Their style is unique and acquired taste even. Controlling an image or narrative comes natural these Pol could do damage control for celebrities. When Ppl are in a frantic state they know how to calm assist.

Mercury in 12th are good at controlling the narratives around themselves. People hand on to every word that's said. These are the types that prefer to talk when necessary and not give out to much information. Just enough to keep you hooked. They have a unique sound and are musically inclined it helps that they think outside of the box. Usually the leader of the group because of their ability to see the broader picture and keep everyones best interest at heart. They attract haters bc they set high goals for themselves they get viewed as outlandish or unpractical when actually they just believe in themselves and remain optimistic. They know alot about very specific niche things.

Jupiter in the 12th don't get the credit they deserve for being so iconic. They really are trendsetters that break molds and stereotypes and tend receive backlash for the things they say & do simply because they were the first to do it. Opening up the pathway for others to show up more authentically and protected. They have big expression and are passionate about the things they choose to do. Their not afraid to speak their truth and having a forgiving nature. Creative pursuits are well received by the public attracting sponsors easily. Its also easy for them to find/create a community ppl reall gravitate to them. Their kryptonite lies in their self esteem. If they can't face rejection they'll hide the best parts of themselves. Only seeing the beauty in others and not what they offer the world.

Saturn in the 12th need to know when to stop while their ahead. They get into unnecessary battles bc of a fragile or inflated ego. When the ego is healthy this makes for a very powerful person that commands rooms with ease. They make Pol want to sit up in their chair when they walk in. These Pol are stubborn but more often than not it works out in their favor. Very hard workers and the same energy they apply is expected from those around them. If they put in 80 hrs a week they expect the same from you, if I can do it why can't you mentality. They achieve alot and Ppl notice it but its like no one ever sees them working they just see the finished product and know a lot had to be done behind the scenes. For example let's say someone is very popular you know they would've had to built those relationships you just didn't see it happen. They could have a guilt complex about their achievements and feel like theirs still more they should be doing for other ppl. Growing up as the star, the golden child, the one thats going to help the family put a lot of pressure and responsibility on them. This could've also affected the relationship between the others siblings. Lastly these Ppl are either very serious about punctuality or show up whenever they want to. Maybe even both they could've started out one way and over time became another way. When saturn is damaged they run from responsibility and are viewed as childish and never learning from their lessons.

Neptune in the 12th know how to win over the audience. I chose the word audience bc they love an audience. Ppl will make excuses for their behavior like ''you know they had a rough childhood'' as if that excuses hurting others. Professional sympathy grabbers even when their not even trying and great ass kissers when they want to be. That is in neptunes lower natures ofc. These ppl speak their mind without a fuck given. This is like the only pile im cursing in and that kind of explains them. Their going to say what they want and don't mind shaking the room up. Image is important to them. They'll study their own footage to see what they looked like, sounded like, acted like, and change anything they deem as not fitting. They could be great actors or social media personalities. Also would be good at managing social media accounts. These ppl may be easily persuaded especially by those they view as having a higher social ranking than themselves. Knowing how to adapt to any environment is their strong suit. They act as a mirror in their environment and reflect back whatever energy you give them. To a T at that. They know when to play it up or be more lowkey. This is type of person to always leave lasting impressions on ppl. They could be the first in a taboo field to achieve something. Like being the first pornstar to get 100 million views. Its like when you think you have them figured out they do something else that shows there's many other sides to them. Often hearing ''i didnt think I would like you at first''. With a great sense of humor they know how to laugh at themselves and lighten the mood they don't take life to seriously. They attract a lot of unique ppl their friend group is very expansive. They could be friends with a stripper and an attorney. Hell they might've been a stripper and an attorney.

Uranus in the 12th they just pop up and ppl are surprised like ''omg what are doing here'' these ppl are held in high regard mostly bc their very selective with their energy, your viewed as a busy person so when you come around it makes ppl feel lucky. You treat others fairly and want everyone around you to feel accepted. You value keeping the peace. The fact that I'm even using you instead of they is a reflection of how inclusion is important for you. Having an eccentric vibe is more obvious here but alot of ppl go the opposite way and don't want to appear uniquely at all they actually want to be as plain Jane as possible. This can actually rub ppl the wrong way and make them feel something is being hidden from them like your pretending. Feeling criticized in childhood is why accepting others is something they prioritize. They end up in rooms with many different types of ppl. This placement has a lot of experience in a lot of different areas. With a free spirited nature they are open to trying new things pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone quite often.

Pluto in the 12th, a quiet energy standing in the back of the room scoping out the scenery. They notice more than ppl realize and are smarter than they let on. Often having their power tested bc of their calm observing demeanor. Ppl try to make them feel they don't belong in certain environments or that their not really qualified but they don't mind showing you why that perception isn't accurate. They know how to push back. The type to pretend they don't care about popularity but they work very hard at obtaining it. But maybe they don't care about the popularity just the power that it brings. Knowing the value of relationships they put alot into maintaining them. They are very giving to those around them. Self sacrificing even, its like they believe thats how you show someone you really care. These are some of the most passionate people you'll meet. They just know how to make you feel understood and seen. They make everyone feel special. This is one of the most intense placements for the 12th house. The transformations are deep, murky, confusing but it breeds and very self sufficient determined person. They question everything and are always growing and adapting. When they find something they like they become obsessive about it. They will work for extended amounts at a time. Like binging behavior. In Pluto's lower natures they develop a chip or their shoulder and use their influence to hurt others. If they are operating from that place they become very good at it. If they are never brought into awareness they continue generational curses but their children will have it worse than they did. These are the type of Pol that will tell you a traumatic experience in such a casual way and your just left like wtf you said that like it was normal. They also could've grew up experiencing their traumas being brushed off like they were normal. They were familiar with death from a young age and may have felt like they never really were a child. They build the trust of others easily and its bc their honest. It is what it is to them. They are natural born leaders it doesn't take much convincing & they don't mind leading the way as long as you give them their accolades for it. Mind you they could have a god complex but to be fair if you've experienced or achieved the things they have you might too.

[aliteralsemicolon]

We can't be friends, but I'd like to just pretend

Part 1 of We can't be friends (wait for your love) | See part 2 | See part 3

You and Spencer have convinced yourselves that you’re only meant to be friends despite the strong tension between you two. It only seems to intensify the longer you ignore it, eventually reaching its boiling point and forcing changes in the friendship.

Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader

(but no mentions of pronouns in this so it can be read as gn)

DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but it’s intended for mature audiences only. You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read.

WARNING Mentions of: Indirect peer pressure, alcohol/drinking/being drunk, very slight implicated SA (it doesn’t happen), serial killer, kidnapping, torture, murder, stalking, and threats. It’s all barely there and doesn’t really matter to the story tbh. Proceed at your own risk.

Word count: 9.3K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.

Being in love is hard. Being in love with your best friend is harder. It’s a merciless form of torture really, devoting yourself entirely to the person you hold dearest to your heart, but they aren’t yours. It was almost masochistic, standing by to serve him in whatever way you thought he needed. Luckily, you weren’t a masochist. 

Not entirely, at least. 

You were there for him when he needed, offering whatever you had to give, but there were parts of you that you kept guarded. To protect yourself, but more importantly, to protect Spencer. It wasn’t uncommon for you to hear that you were ‘too much’ from passing lovers in your life. A certain level of detachment was necessary to ensure the safety of Spencer’s friendship. He was the most important person in your life. 

Maybe it was the multitude of degrees as a result of his intelligence. He never let you feel stupid or any less intelligent. 

Maybe it was the way his whole body lit up when he shared information he’d stored in that beautiful mind.

Maybe it was the charm in how goofily he carried himself. The way his hands would flail around when he spoke to keep up with the speed his brain moved at. 

Or maybe it was how he made you feel seen. 

How he always knew what to say, what to do. How he remembered little details about you, like how you preferred the window seat on the jet. And how he went out of his way to accommodate the details, like giving up the window seat just so you could sit in it. He was an unusually thoughtful man, with everybody he knew. 

That’s something you had to remind yourself of often. 

He’s like that with everybody. He has an eidetic memory, of course he remembers the little details. 

If only you knew how wrong you were. Spencer was a thoughtful man, there was no doubt about that. Sure he was gifted with an arguably incomparable memory, but unlike all the things he had no choice in remembering, he chose to remember the little details about you. To him you were the closest thing to a real life angel. 

It was the way you were the only person he’d ever met, willing to sit there and listen to him talk for hours. You’d go out of your way to show interest in the things he’d share, even if you didn’t actually have any interest in it.

The way he could swear he saw stars in your eyes whenever he stole an opportunity to stare into them. They would burn brighter if accompanied with the sweet sound of your laughter. 

He felt compelled to accommodate you. Especially when you light up the way you do from such minuscule actions on his part. Spencer loved being the person to bring out your smile, taking any excuse to try and coax one out of you. Even if he’d slightly inconvenience himself at times. His convenience mattered little to him because he knew how much you did for him too. 

Every morning before work you’d make the trip to his favourite coffee shop, getting him scones and coffee exactly to his liking because you knew he had a tendency to skip breakfast. His favourite coffee shop was a fifteen minute drive from your apartment and an extra twenty from Headquarters. You went out of your way to deliver it to him, even reheating the coffee yourself before handing it over. 

Spencer wasn’t alone in recognising your generosity. The entire sixth floor had noticed how both of you subconsciously performed acts of service for each other, even if nobody had brought it up to your faces. 

“I know that look.” Rossi remarks, turning his head towards his raven haired co-worker, eyes on you and Spencer.

“Yea..I just wonder if they know.” Emily mirrors his actions as she gives her own comment on the sight just a few feet in front of her. 

Neither of you realise you have spectators observing your conversation. You’re in your own little bubble at Spencer’s desk, the resident genius seated comfortably with his gaze on you as he speaks. Your focus is entirely on the man across from you, leaning in slightly, perched on the wooden surface. 

“Because stomach acid in the human body is typically 1-2 on the PH scale, it’s capable of dissolving metals such as certain types of stainless steels. Razors for example! The Gastrointestinal Endoscopy journal shared that scientists found that the thickened back of a single-edged blade dissolved just two hours of immersion in stomach acid!” His voice went up a pitch as he spoke and you couldn’t help but smile.

“So theoretically, an unsub could use a razor blade as a murder weapon and potentially eat it to dispose of it?” It was a relatively dumb question, but you just wanted to keep him talking. 

“Well, it’s possible, but realistically I don’t think a razor blade-” 

“Sorry to interrupt my younglings,” A colourful Garcia appears in your bubble and cuts Spencer off, “but I am here to let you know that the team will be going out for drinks, on Rossi, tonight! No exceptions!!”

When your head swivels to Garcia, you also notice the gawking pair not far behind her, shuffling off when they realise they’ve been caught staring. 

“I’ll come, but I won’t be drinking.” Spencer says with an awkward smile. They shift their sights on you for your response. 

“Sorry guys…I already have plans for tonight.” You purse your lips together apologetically. 

“What no! No, no, no! You know how rare these nights can be!” Garcia frowns and grabs your shoulders pleadingly.

“I knowwww…I’m sorry!!”

“Fine, fine, but at least share what’s keeping you busy tonight?” The blonde pokes.

You shift your eyes to Spencer, who’s just staring at you with a curious look and then back to Garcia. 

“Well I have a date-” You begin, but are interrupted by a whispered squeal.

Garcia begins a response, but stops herself when she spots a nonchalant Derek Morgan heading towards the elevators. “We will discuss this in detail during Saturday’s girls night. For now I will accept your excuse and remind you to dress your sexiest! Now excuse me while I go and intercept my sweet chocolate thunder.”

She grips you in a tight hug and scurries off after Morgan. The atmosphere shifts slightly, as you meet Spencer’s eyes awkwardly. 

“You have a date? Why didn’t you mention that” Spencer titters.

“I’m sorry, it just didn’t occur to me.” You try to lie, but Spencer’s expression gives away that he doesn’t believe you. “Okay, okay, I just didn’t wanna say anything because the last time I talked about one of my dates you got all weird and I didn’t want to upset you again.”

“Upset me? I was not upset.” He protests and folds his arms across his chest. 

“Okay what would you call it then?” 

“I wouldn’t call it anything.” 

“Oh really? So you’re not upset that I’m going on a date?”

“Nope. Not at all. I’m interested actually, tell me about him.”

You eye him carefully, trying to figure out where his head is at. Spencer has a tendency to get sassy when he feels defensive. 

“You’re interested? To hear about one of my dates?” You question with playful caution. 

“Yes. I’m always interested in things about you.” He spills. 

Your reaction to his words is immediate, a surprised jump in your features, but you manage to mask it almost just as fast. Spencer’s just as surprised as you. 

“I-I just mean- you know? Because yo-you’re my best friend.” He tries to play it off. 

There’s no way. 

You think to yourself. Spencer definitely didn’t mean it in that way. 

No he definitely didn’t. He just said so himself. You’re his best friend. Spencer Reid does not feel the same way about you.

It stings to admit to yourself, but it’s for the best. Spencer is a smart, handsome, wonderful man with so much to offer. You’re too much work, come with too much baggage, just too much.

“Yea, we’re best friends.” An affirmation more for yourself than him. 

A silence looms as you stare at each other stiffly. 

“Anyways, my date,” you decide not to linger on it for too long, “it’s with that guy I told you about, Nathan.”

“Nathan? Didn’t you go on a date with him last time?” A casual inquiry. 

“Yea!” You squeak enthusiastically, grateful that he had reverted back to his light-hearted self. 

This was something you deeply enjoyed about your friendship. The fact the two of you could flow back into casual conversation no matter what.

“So it’s a second date?”

“Yes! The first one went really well, so I thought why not agree to a second when he asked?”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” 

His approval should feel better than it does. For some reason, it makes you uneasy. Almost as if you don’t want him to approve. 

He has approved though, meaning he isn’t against you dating other people. He doesn’t want you the same way.

“Really?” You want to be sure, scared that you might put him off again.

“Yes! Really! If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.” A fib that you were unaware of. 

In truth, Spencer would rather crawl on the office bathroom floor than see you with some other guy. Fortunately for him, he isn’t actually going to be there to see you with this ‘Nathan’. So he doesn’t need to submit to such an awful torture. Maybe he’s being dramatic, you aren’t his girlfriend. He has no right to feel such a heavy drop in his gut. 

Part of him really is happy for you. He wanted you to feel loved, even if it wasn’t by him. God, how he wished it was by him. If friendship is what he has to settle for to be near you, then so be it. Though at times it feels like it might kill him, you being the closest person in his life, but not close enough to the point where he could call himself yours. 

“REID!”

Spencer jumps at the sound of Morgan’s voice, finding it difficult to focus on his current surroundings. He missed half the team scattering around to different parts of the bar, Morgan now his only company. 

“What’s up?” His expression shifts to a tight-lipped smile.

“Where’s your head at man?” Derek probes.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I have never seen you this zoned out before. You haven’t checked back in since you sat down.” 

It wasn’t intentional, but since you walked out the doors of the BAU all Spencer’s been able to think about was your date. You probably went straight home to get ready, pulling out all the stops to feel as beautiful as you are. For somebody that can never truly appreciate it, not like he can. 

“I guess I’m just not feeling well.” A pathetic excuse. One Spencer finds himself making whenever he’s pulled out of his thoughts about you. 

Morgan doesn’t believe him. Hell, Spencer doesn’t even believe himself. 

“Kid. You know you can always talk to me right? About anything.” 

“I know. I’m really just tired. Actually- you know what, c-could- could you just tell the others that I’m just not feeling great, I’m- bye Derek.” Spencer stutters as he rushes out of his seat. 

He doesn’t even give the man a chance to respond as he makes his exit out of the bar. He’s lacking the capability to force himself to socialise. The knowledge of you on a date with another man was something he’s been able to handle, but a second date with a man was harder to stomach. You must like him if you’re willing to see him again. 

The ride home feels longer than it actually is. How far had the date gotten? Were you enjoying it? Did Nathan make you laugh the way he could? Spencer might lose his mind. He wondered if you had given Nathan the privilege of touching you. Your skin always looked so soft, his heart panged at the thought. He felt sick. 

You were his best friend. You trusted him. He shouldn’t think this way about you, feel this way about you. Unreciprocated feelings were something Spencer was entirely used to. He’d perfected being able to put the person at the receiving end of his affections in the back of his mind. To ignore until it went away entirely.

Why was it so much harder this time? There is no universe in which you would ever return his love for you. Which is why he needs to force himself to love you from afar. It was a fact Spencer reminded himself of repeatedly. And he would’ve kept at it, if he wasn’t interrupted by the sight of you standing in front of his door as he stepped up his apartment stairs. 

“Hi!” His voice alerts you softly.

“Hi!” You squeak back, turning on your heel to face him. 

He can’t help but note how heavenly you look. It almost knocked the air out of his lungs, except he noticed the poorly wiped tears glistening on your face. He didn’t ask about it, immediately. Instead he just pulled you in for a hug, something he rarely did with others, and unlocked his door as he motioned for you to enter first. Another thing to love about Spencer Reid. 

You step inside, more than familiar with the deep green walls surrounding you. If the stench of liquor wasn’t enough, then the way you stumbled on your way to his couch was all Spencer needed to deduce that you had been drinking. A lot. He walks past you towards his kitchen, returning with a glass of water and painkillers you would definitely need later. 

“Have you eaten?” He asks softly, handing you the glass of water. 

“Um..” you take a sip and pause as you sigh, “yeah.”

The two of you just sit there, silently, stealing small glances at each other and averting your gazes before the other can notice. You know he’s waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to speak first. Except you don’t know what to say. You feel so embarrassed. He probably had better plans for tonight, but here you are, pestering him again. 

“How long were you waiting?” He speaks up once he realises that you aren’t going to.

“Not long, I had actually just gotten there, your timing was really good.” You mumble, forcing an awkward chuckle. 

“Did Nathan drop you off?” Spencer hopes that bringing up your date might give you enough courage to vent. 

“No. No, I walked.” A resigned smile creeps on your face, not wanting to talk about your journey here. “How was your night?”

“Walked?? Alone?? Drunk??” The words seep out of him before he can hold his tongue. “Why didn’t you call me?!”

“I’m sorry! I just didn’t want to bother you!” You defend. 

But you are bothering him. You’re bothering him right now.

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to hold back tears. Guilt creeps inside him. He knows that he’s not the source of your tears, but he didn’t want to make you cry regardless. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he takes hold of your hand and squeezes ever so gently, “we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Why don’t we play chess? You’re getting better at it, you know?” He adds, thinking of a quick distraction. 

Chess was a favourite pastime of yours with Spencer. You pull your hand out of his grip and use it to rub the opposing arm, his touch overwhelming you. He was too soft with you. You suppose it’s why you seek him out so often. Out of all the men you’ve ever known, Spencer was the only one who knew you. It felt so nice to be known. 

“Y-yea..yes. Please. Let’s uh- let’s play chess.” You stumble on your words, eager to think about anything else. 

Spencer retrieves his mini chess board from his satchel and prepares the board between the two of you. Neither of you utter a word as you play your moves. You appreciate the silence, because you know that you can’t say or do the wrong thing. 

“You’re going easy on me.” You break the silence anyway, scared that the silence might bore him. 

“You’re holding back.” He argues and you finally meet his eyes for the first time since you started the game.

“No, I’m just drunk.” You counter.

“I was the one at a bar but you’re the one who’s drunk.” It’s a stupid comment, slightly cringy even, but he earns a genuine laugh out of you. 

His dorkiness was part of his charm. Your laughter makes him smile. A comfortable silence fills the atmosphere as your eyes meet again. Spencer’s eyes were so beautiful, you could drown in them. Spencer in general was so beautiful, in every way possible. 

“It’s your move.” He has to remind you, worried that if he’s allowed to look at you for two long he might do something really stupid.

“I-uhm- I had a shitty date.” You owe him an explanation for ruining his night.

He doesn’t respond, not wanting to say anything that might make you close up again. He wanted to be the person you talked to about your problems. He wanted to be your solace. 

“It started really well. I thought I could see something more, but it turns out he just wanted the same thing as all the others. Thought that maybe if he got me drunk enough..but it obviously didn’t work” You try to lighten the weight of your words by laughing with them. “It’s probably for the best, you know? I don’t think it would’ve worked out regardless, I couldn’t stop-”

Stop comparing him to you. 

Normally, Spencer is the one with the tendency to ramble, but the alcohol wasn’t making it easy for you to shut up. You just hope he doesn’t realise where you were headed with that statement. You kept comparing your date to Spencer. Everything Nathan did today was a direct reminder of things Spencer would never do. 

“Check.” You choose to stop making a fool of yourself there.

Spencer’s breath hitches. Not because he picked up on what you hoped he didn’t, rather because he was concerned by the possible implications of what you said.

“Did he..did he try to-” 

“No. Oh my God, no!” You cut him off before he can finish the thought. 

His shoulders relax and the silence resumes. For the first time since he met you, Spencer found himself speechless. He didn’t know whether to comfort you or give you advice. Part of him felt selfishly relieved, at least he didn’t have to worry about some other guy anymore. The other part, the part that felt disgusted with himself for even thinking about himself right now, felt a mixed range of hurt for you. 

It started with resentment for the negligence Nathan displayed with you and ended with sorrow for how easily you brushed off your hurt. While he ran all the possibilities of the best thing to say, you ran all the possibilities of leaving his apartment in the least inconvenient way for him, interpreting his silence as irritation. 

He should be irritated, you’re disrupting his night. 

You need to leave before he can tell you to. Just as you’re about to mutter some bull-shit excuse, Spencer gently cups your hand with both of his hands and locks eyes with you. His voice is so painstakingly gentle, your breath gets stuck in your throat.

“Nathan and anyone else who has ever allowed themselves to be blinded by their shallow urges is an absolute fool. Idiot. Moron. There aren’t enough words in the English dictionary to describe how stupid they are for missing out on knowing you as you are. I’ve experienced a lot of good things in my life, none have ever brought me as much joy as you do. I can’t even begin to explain how deserving you are of love and it’s heartbreaking to see that you’ve convinced yourself of the opposite.”

It’s your turn to be speechless. Of the list of things you didn’t expect, this wasn’t even on the list. You should have expected it. It was in Spencer’s nature to prove you wrong for underestimating his tenderness. He felt perhaps he went too far. Said too much.

“I-I just mean-” 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Your heart feels like it’s lacking space inside your chest, tears threaten to build. 

“Because you’re my f-friend.” He struggles to utter the last word.

“Friend..” You nervously laugh.

The meaning behind his words don’t register in your drunken state. All your focus is diverted to the feeling of his calloused skin on yours. The liquor in your veins awakens dazed boldness. One you’d be too wary of displaying otherwise. You allow your fingers to dance against his, an act of intimacy not reserved for friends. He doesn’t stop you either. 

“You know…” 

it’s almost not even a whisper, 

“...if I wasn’t who I am…” 

but Spencer was an expert in tuning out everything else to focus solely on your voice,

“...maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

And the world, as Spencer knows it, stops. Your words ring in his ears and he’s sure his heartbeat has become audible. 

“Y-you love me?” He repeats, unable to suppress his need to hear those words again.

The validity of your confession doesn’t bear any weight until you hear it from him, your motions against his hand coming to an immediate stop. You shift line of sight to his face faster than you can blink, waiting for his reaction so you can scramble to save your friendship. 

Parroting your words wasn’t enough, Spencer couldn’t believe it. He had never considered it feasible for you to love him. He had spent so many sleepless nights tormenting himself over the fact. He wanted so badly to cup your face and tell you about all the thoughts of you that consumed his mind. To say those three words back. 

“You can’t love me.” Instead he said four words that strained your hope for salvation. He’d shoot himself if he had any realisation of what he had just done. 

“No, of-of c-course, I meant like an- a- amazing fr-friend. You k-know, like the kind of bes-best friend you only mean once in your lif-life.” And you unknowingly shattered that hope in him. 

Silence has never been more deafening. Neither of you can look away from each other. There’s so much to say but how can it be said now? 

“Right. No, yeah. Of course.” He forces out. 

A fake understanding between you two. The expressions canvassing both of your faces display anything but understanding. Though you’re no longer physically touching, you’re still holding each other in your view. A few moments pass and Spencer is the first to look away. 

“You must be tired-” He starts.

You were still disrupting his space.

“Right, I’ll go-” You stand, ready to rush out the door.

“No-no.” He sighs. “Stay please. It’s late and you’re drunk-”

“No I’ve alrea-” You try to protest, not wanting him to go out of his way for you any longer.

“Please. I’ll feel a lot better knowing you’re safe.” He begs, not just with his words but his eyes. 

“Okay.” You murmur. “But I’m taking the couch.”

Under any other circumstances, Spencer would have resisted you taking the couch. Today? He was utterly drained.

“Alright. I’ll get you something comfortable to change into while I set up the couch. You know where the bathroom is.” He sports a weak smile, unable to meet your eyes again. 

He watches you disappear into the bathroom after handing you some spare clothes. He sets the couch with the pillows and blankets he’d reserved for you. He bought them after you’d slept over a few times at the start of your friendship, wanting you to sleep as comfortably as possible so you would keep coming back.

You’d just broken his heart into a million pieces, so fine that he’d never be able to put it back together whole, but he still couldn’t not exert the utmost care when it came to you. 

In the bathroom, you fight back tears again as you fumble into his clothes. You’d worn this particular sweatshirt before, because you didn’t anticipate staying the night. It was never planned, often you two just lost track of time because you spent too long engaged in conversations. After a while you started leaving things at his place so you had an excuse to keep coming back. 

You can handle just being his friend, but you don’t think you can handle not being anything to him. Was there something you could do so you didn’t have to stop coming back? 

When you came out and saw your makeshift bed for the night, you felt slightly fuzzy inside. Spencer had already gone to bed but he’d covered the cushions of the couch with a thick blanket and two fluffy pillows. A fresh glass of water was waiting for you on the coffee table with the pills from earlier. 

Maybe things were okay after all? Surely he wouldn’t have put as much care into your comfort if they weren’t. So why couldn’t you shake this feeling of dread inside you? Why did the air feel so thick?

You spend most of what’s left of the night awake, curled into yourself on his couch, muffling your sobs. You’ve ruined another good thing. Pushed away probably the most important person in your life. You knew he was too good for you, he could never feel the same way. You got greedy.

Just a few feet away from you, Spencer’s in the exact same position as you on his bed. No rejection has ever hurt as much as when it came from you. He knew you were drunk, he knew you could never actually feel the same way. But aren’t drunk words sober thoughts? Statistics definitely agree they are.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the pounding headache. Then the dry mouth. Spencer had left a glass of water, painkillers and a bagel on the coffee table. You reach for the pill first, hoping that the faster you take it, the faster it kicks in. As you practically pour the water down your throat, you see a little note next to the bagel. 

“Paper work day at the office. Make sure to eat and drink lots of water. Will tell Hotch that you’ll be late/taking the day off. - Spencer”

Thoughtful as ever. The bagel was still warm so he must’ve left recently. It was strange that he’d left without waking you up like he normally does. Your first bite of the bread jolts the memories of the night before and it hits you harder than the headache. Your appetite faded and the remorse set in. 

Shit. 

You and Spencer have always been able to bounce back, but the damage you caused last night might be irreparable. Say Spencer does forget about it, can you? You always knew he couldn’t love you back, but you never imagined that he would forbid you to love him in the first place. As much as you didn’t want to face Spencer right now, work was the best place for you to be if you didn’t want to go mad thinking about last night. 

You’d have to change into appropriate work attire first, so a trip back to your place was warranted. The whole uber ride back to your apartment you think of things to say when you see him. Things didn’t need to change. You had to apologise, obviously, but there had to be some way of apologising while maintaining normalcy. The best start was getting him his coffee and scones like you usually did. 

Meanwhile at the office, Spencer was stuck on the same page of his file. It had never taken him more than a few seconds to turn a page, but he wasn’t actually reading the words. You took up every thought in his mind again. He wondered if you were awake yet, if you remembered the events of the night before. 

“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

When he initially heard you say it, all he heard was that you love him.

“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

When he said it out loud to himself all he wanted to do was tell you how much he does love you, but the chance was ripped away from him just as fast as it was given to him. Did you even care? Or was it just an insignificant event to you? It was a lot easier to accept that you could never love him the same way before he had a taste of what it would be like if you did. 

There was this moment, when your fingers were fiddling with his and you said those words, just a second where he experienced what it could be like. He can’t go back to how it was, not now that he knows how it could’ve been. In order to protect himself from unravelling completely he has to let you go. An impossible task, considering you work together. 

“I brought coffee.” Your expression is tentative. 

Spencer looks up to see you standing above him, holding his daily coffee and scones in hand. There are no traces of the night before to be seen on you. Your makeup is fresh and you’d clearly changed clothes. You looked perfectly angelic, as always. If it were any other day, your gesture would’ve made him feel like the most special person in the world. Today, it felt like the cruellest thing in the world. 

“Do you wanna come with me while I heat it up? Or should I just bring it back to you?” You prompt. 

“No.” He rises from his seat and pries it out from your hand. “I can do it. Thank you.” 

Before you comprehend what’s happened, Spencer’s walked away. You try to follow him to the kitchen, but when you get there he’s nowhere to be seen. This seems to be a trend for the next few days. You find some excuse to try for conversation and he shuts it down after about one sentence. That’s if you’re able to get close enough to him for that sentence. It’s becoming more and more obvious that he’s avoiding you. 

You decide to give him space after about a week of it, wishing everyday that you could go back in time and change things. Around the two week mark, he starts giving you the cold shoulder, not even so much as looking at you. He couldn’t look at you. It was taking everything in him to force himself away from you, but it was easier than being near you. You weren’t the only one who could feel this change in your dynamic, the team was just as confused.

They’d all tried to investigate the root of this shift, individually directing casual questions to both of you in conversations. You’d both just brushed it off, not wanting to be the burden of the topic. Spencer had been doing so well in keeping his distance, but eventually, Hotch made the decision that enough is enough.

The BAU was in Chicago this week, hunting down another unsub who thought he was too smart to get caught. This was one of those cases that would stick with you for a while, so tensions were already high amongst everyone. Nobody was more on edge than Spencer and now he was forced in a car with you, driving around the city, chasing leads. 

Rarely did he ever get behind the wheel, but he knew he would need any distraction he could get. Driving was supposed to mean he wouldn’t be stuck in the passenger seat, fighting the urge to stare at you. Now he was fighting the urge to stare at you from the driver's seat. He hated being in love. You were trying your best to stay silent and looking out the window at the passing buildings. 

“Are you hungry?” 

That’s the first time in a month that Spencer’s been the first one to speak. He tried not to. Like he tried not to pay attention to your routine. It wasn’t possible. No matter how hard he tried, there were just some things Spencer couldn’t not do in regards to you. The most important thing was that he couldn’t not care. 

He knew you hadn't been eating properly. You had a tendency to forget about your well-being during hard cases. You were probably hungry. Somebody had to take care of you because you most definitely weren’t going to. He was right. The thought of food made your stomach growl. It was wicked timing. 

“No, thank you.” You lie anyway, not wanting to inconvenience him further. 

“Why won’t you stop lying to me?” He mutters in annoyance. 

“Excuse me?” You scoff, turning to look at him. 

He doesn’t look away from the road, pretending to not have heard you. 

“Seriously?” You sputter. “You’re ignoring me now?”

You huff as you throw yourself back against your seat. He didn’t mean to ignore you, he just didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t understand why you’re being like this.” You mumble. 

It was already daunting when he was barely acknowledging you, but refusing to acknowledge all together? When you were the only person next to him? That was just vicious. You knew you’d fucked up, but was this necessary? You had already spent so much of yourself trying to keep it together, being confined in this car with him would waste your efforts. 

“Pull over.” You say in the kindest way possible, which was immensely harsh. “Spencer Reid pull this damn car over or I swear to fucking God I am going to jump out of it.”

That definitely caught his attention. In all your time together, you had never spoken to him in that way. You had definitely never addressed him by his full name. He brings the car to a halt on the side of the curb and finally turns to face you. You push the door open and hop out, slamming it behind you. 

“What are yo-” Spencer starts, but you’re already walking away. He quickly gets out and follows behind you. It doesn’t take him long to catch up to you and he stops you by the arm when he realises saying your name won’t make you turn back around. 

“Don’t touch me!” You yank your arm out of his grip and keep walking. 

“Where are you going?!” 

“Anywhere you’re not.” 

He tries you by your name again, but when it fails again, he grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around. You hadn’t noticed that you’d walked into an alleyway. 

“Get back in the car.” He demands.

“I am not getting in a car with you.” You have never been this upset with him before. 

“You’re being childish!” He snaps, rolling his eyes.

“Oh I’m being childish?! Spencer, believe me when I say I mean this is the nicest way I possibly can right now – FUCK OFF!” You push his hands off you and take a step back, but he just grabs your wrist.

“Listen to me,” he urges, “there is a serial killer that’s kidnapping women in broad daylight, torturing them and murdering them. And he’s threatened each of us individually during the course of this investigation. You cannot just be walking around alone, in a city you hardly know.”

“Don’t explain the details of this case to me, I’m well aware.” You snarl, your irritation increasing tenfold.

“Then why are you being so difficult?!” He screeches.

“Why are you–fucking hell, I cannot keep doing this. I’m not getting in the car when you won’t talk to me. Hell, you won’t even so much as look at me!” 

“Fine! You wanna talk? We’ll talk! Just–get back in the car. Please.” He sighs in defeat. You still don’t budge, so he pleads softer. “Please.”

You take a deep breath and roll your eyes, stealing your wrist out of his grasp. Spencer doesn’t move until you do, both of you silently making your way to the car. 

You’re both silent initially, not knowing where exactly to go from here. There’s one thing you know for sure, you won’t be the first to speak. Spencer catches on to that fast. 

“What do you wanna talk about?” He snarls, shrugging his arms. 

“Cut the shit, I won’t get back in this car if I get out for a second time.” You’re not in the mood. The two of you had avoided this conversation for long enough, it was now or never. Some part of you wished for never. 

“Fine. Did you mean it?” He shoots, briskly. 

“What?” You didn’t know which part he meant. 

“That you love me specifically as an ‘amazing friend’, I believe was your wording.” His voice cracks and it causes a shift in his behaviour. He’s no longer hostile, just hurt. 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” 

In your rush to get him talking, you hadn’t actually realised that you weren’t ready to talk about this. You were stalling. 

“Answering a question with a question.” 

This doesn’t feel like a conversation. More like an interrogation, except you’re the unsub. He scoffs bitterly at your silence. 

“Spencer, don’t–” 

“No, you’re the one who wanted to talk! You were so insistent, in fact, that you would have rather made yourself a serial killer’s target then get in a car with me if I didn’t talk to you. And all of a sudden you’re speechless?” He snaps at you. 

“Yes! I was the one who wanted to talk! I just– I can’t understand what I’ve done to make you hate me so much? Was it because I said I love you? Did it really upset you that much?” You were both shouting from frustration. 

“You think I’m upset because you love me?!” Spencer scoffs in disbelief. 

“Aren’t you?!” You bitterly laugh. 

Spencer rubs his temples and squeezes his eyes shut, mumbling some under his breath. He’s genuinely never been this frustrated in his life. 

“Are you being serious?” His voice strains in pitch, as he tries to keep himself a lot calmer than he feels. “Is this some sort of joke to you?”

“Some sort of joke–”

“Do not interrupt me again. You wanna run away from this? Fine. But you will listen because I will not have this conversation again.” His tone is sharp, like a blade being held against your throat. It definitely shuts you up.

“Talk. Okay, let’s talk about how I have spent the last four years watching you allow undeserving men to walk all over you, letting them treat you like you’re worth nothing. I damn near drove myself insane trying to figure out why. Why is it something you accept for yourself? And then I realised– that’s how you see yourself. You actually hate yourself so much that you’ve convinced yourself you deserve it! Do you realise how infuriating that is?!

Especially because it’s the furthest thing from the truth! Still, I watched you throw yourself into this vicious cycle over and over again. You gave yourself away to those idiots, knowing that they didn’t have good intentions, but you still hoped it would be different every time. I mean you’re a fucking profiler for God’s sake! How can you expect others to love you if you can’t even love yourself? 

That’s not even the worst part! You’re so desperate for their acceptance that you continuously neglect the acceptance you already have from the people who love you. People like Emily, Penelope, Derek– the team– people like– people like me. I mean I’ve always known that you didn’t love me as anything more than a friend, but your constant reminders feel like a punch to the gut! Is it that embarrassing for you to love me as anything more?

I’ve survived way worse things, but this is the cruellest thing I’ve ever been through. Because it’s coming from you! I just never expected it’d be from you.” He’s practically hyperventilating for air by the time his speech comes to a stop, the vein in his forehead more prominent than usual.

Your jaw is tense and restless, twitching from anger. Some part of you still wants to keep this friendship. The louder part knows that there’s no going back from this. You’re not entirely sure you want to go back. Your entire body is shaking from rage. The first rule of your friendship was no profiling. Not only did he break that rule, he used the profile against you as if you actually were an unsub he was interrogating. 

“That’s not fair”

His eye twitches at your response. 

“Not? Fair?” Spencer grumbles in pauses.

“No, that's not fair!” You cry out. “It’s your turn to listen.”

It doesn’t feel like there’s any oxygen left to breathe in the car.

“Self loathing? Spencer, that's your projection! You love too hard and nobody’s ever loved you back the same way. But just because you lack things you want in your life doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me! And all this talk about love, but none of it makes any sense. You think I’m embarrassed of loving you? Is that how shallow you think I am?! You’re the one who told me that I can’t love you. God, you are the most duplicitous person I’ve ever met! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder because I love you as an ‘amazing friend’? Because you love me and you think I’ve been neglecting you?!”

You had never spoken to anyone this way in your life. There was so much truth to Spencer’s words, but he had no right. He’d touched every nerve in your body without ever laying a hand on you. Up until roughly twenty minutes ago, being seen by Spencer was your favourite thing in the entire world. Now? You’d never hated the feeling more in your life. 

Spencer squeezes his hand into a fist, knuckles going white and releases his fingers like if he were aggressively squishing a stress ball. If asked about a month ago, he would never in a million years think that your friendship would manage to dissipate in just a few seconds. He didn’t think he could associate the word love with you anymore.

“Let’s get one thing straight. I do not love you. I do not love anything about you. Actually, I hate you. I hate how sweet you pretend to be. I hate the stupid morning coffee you bring me, nothing tastes more bitter. I hate to admit this but you’re right; everything about you is a brutal reminder of all the good things I can never have and I despise you for it.” He spits his words out with extreme tension in his blood vessels. 

“I can’t say I’ve known what it feels like to truly loathe someone before I met you.” You fire back, breathlessly, not having it in you to spare any more words for him. 

You’re not exactly sure how long the two of you have been sitting there just glaring at each other. Only when Spencer’s phone rings do you two look away. 

“Reid.” He answers the call. “Yea, she’s still here. We’re on our way back now.”

The ride back to the precinct was silent. Even as you regrouped with the rest of the team, you acknowledged everybody but each other. The team was instantly alert to the change, but no one mentioned it at the time because of the high stress of the case. You wrapped the case up a few days later and only then did the questions start making their way around. 

“Is everything okay between you two?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“What happened between you and Reid?”

“What’s up with Boy Wonder over there?”

You didn’t entertain any of them, Spencer had taken up enough time in your life. You refused to talk about him, look at him or acknowledge him at all. He shared that same incentive. Another three weeks passed as the team watched what was once the closest duo in the BAU, pretend that their counterpart didn’t exist. 

If one of you was in a room and noticed the other enter, you’d walk out without drawing attention to the situation. When leaving the room was not an option, you either went as far in the opposite corner of the room as you could or you’d simply pretend the other wasn’t present just a few metres away. You wouldn’t discuss intel with each other about cases, sharing your findings with anybody else. 

Since Chicago, Hotch only assigned you with Spencer once more, but quickly realised that wasn’t going to help when both of you begged to be assigned with someone else privately. If you were in a discussion with someone and they started talking about Spencer, you’d tune out entirely. After a while the hating game got exhausting.

Spencer hated pretending that he hated you. He felt an immense amount of guilt for the things he’d said, but it was too late to take it back. He thought it would be easier to deal with his feelings if he wasn’t around you all the time, but it was just as difficult as before. You still lit up the dull grey rooms of the building. The only difference was that now he had to watch you shine from afar. 

In truth, you didn’t hate Spencer either. What you actually hated was that you didn’t hate Spencer. You still caught yourself staring at him for long periods of time. There were days when you’d go to his favourite coffee shop before work and buy his order, only to give it away to somebody on the street because you didn’t want to ruin Spencer’s day with the bitterness of your coffee. 

By the fifth week since you had gotten back from Chicago, you and Spencer were no longer ignoring each other as much. You’d gotten into a routine of professionalism for the sake of the team, only talking to each other about cases when necessary. That didn’t stop you from subconsciously showing subtle gestures of love. These were a lot quieter than the gestures you showed when you were friends. 

You’d make sure that there was always a fresh pot of coffee in the office kitchen, so Spencer would have it ready to drink whenever he needed. He’d make sure that the snack cupboard was always filled with your favourite snacks because he knew you liked having something to munch on when catching up on paperwork. You’d keep extra painkillers in Garcia’s lair knowing Spencer would retreat there when a migraine hit.

He’d ensure the aircon was always set to room temperature, you get uncomfortable if the room was too cold. Both of you were aware of the little gestures too, no one else knew your truly niche preferences. Neither of you was brave enough to actually go up to the other, though. It was all too much for you. No matter what was said, he was still your thoughtful Spencer deep down and it killed you.

You’d tried to talk to Spencer a few times, building up the courage for days in advance. As soon as he noticed you heading in his direction, he nearly bolted in the other direction. His avoidance didn’t end at the office. You recently became aware that Penelope had been scheduling rosters to invite you and Spencer to outings, trying to ensure you were present for equal amounts of time. 

You were chilling at her desk in wait for her, when you noticed a little note with your name next to a date and time. Under that was Spencer’s name with a separate date and time. 

“Hey! What are you doing here?” She greets you.

“I needed to talk to you…Penelope what is this?” You hold up the little pink sticky note.

Penelope sets her octopus mug down and takes the note from your hand. 

“This? This is nothing.” She fumbles a bit as she speaks.

“Garcia?” You purposefully speak with warning.

“Okay! Okay! But you didn’t hear it from me! We’ve kinda been taking turns hanging out with you and Spencer sometimes. But it’s because we love you and don’t want to make either of you-” She starts a panicked tangent.

“Garcia!” You interrupt her before she sends herself into a spiral. “There’s no need to do all of this. Yes Spencer and I aren’t close anymore, but you guys don’t need to go out of your way for us.”

“Well..” She grits her teeth and tilts her head.

“What?” 

“We didn’t really mean to. It’s just we noticed that Spencer would never come if you were going. And both of you just straight up refuse to talk about it, so this was the best we could come up with.” 

“Oh. Penny, I’m sorry that you guys have had to do that.” That was all you could say, your head hanging in guilt.

“Can you at least tell me why you won’t talk about it? I mean it makes sense for Boy Wonder, he’s always been stubbornly private, but you’ve never not told me anything!” 

You look towards Garcia again, thinking for a minute. You didn’t know exactly why you refused to talk about it. 

“I don’t know, honestly. I just don’t want to talk about it, if that makes sense?” You pull your friend in for a hug as an apology. 

You felt awful leaving her lair without giving her a proper answer or a resolution. It didn’t matter how professional you acted, this rift would always impact your friends and your work life. 

Spencer would always impact everything in your life. 

The guilt didn’t spare you that night, creeping its way to the forefront of your mind every few minutes. It had been four months since your last fight. It was the longest you’d gone without Spencer. This had to end for the sake of the team. That was how you found yourself standing at his door once again. After a few minutes you finally knock. You didn’t know what you were going to say, honestly you just wanted to run before he answered. You hear the locks being undone, but it’s not Spencer who answers when that door finally swings open.

“Yes?” 

It’s a woman, one you've never seen before. You’re taken aback and look around to make sure you got the right apartment. This was definitely Spencer’s apartment, you’d been here a hundred times before. And some woman was answering his door for him. Some very beautiful woman. 

“Can I help you?” She follows up, looking you up and down. 

“Hi, yeah, sorry, is–um– is Spencer here?”

“Who’s asking?” She’s definitely not very friendly. 

“We work together. Is he here or not?” You didn’t have the patience for this, annoyance seeping through your pores. 

“Who’s at the door?” His voice emerges from behind her and he finally shows up. “Oh.”

“Hey.” You glance away as soon as you see him. 

“Could you give me a minute?” He turns to the woman. She flashes a sickly sweet smile and kisses his cheek before disappearing inside. Spencer shuffles out to the corridor, closing the door behind him.

“That–uh–that was–” He stops himself, clearing his throat and switching to his professional voice. “What are you doing here?”

Cold.

“I was hoping we could talk.” You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to play off what you just saw. 

“What more is there to say?” 

“About the team. I came over to, um, apologise and maybe move past things for the sake of the team.” You were looking everywhere but at him. 

“Honestly?” His eyes are on you though. “I don’t care. And even if I did, I don’t want to hear it.” 

He starts to walk away, but turns back and mentions your name like it’s the most vile word in the dictionary. “Please don’t come back here. It’s hard enough at work, I don’t want to see your face in my personal time too.” 

With that he re-enters his apartment, leaving you standing in the hallway. It’s hard to imagine that this man was once your best friend. If you didn’t know about all the good times, you wouldn’t have believed it. Every tear that your body could ever produce streamed out of you for the rest of the night. Once you had made it back to your apartment, they broke out in sobs. In your line of work, you had survived being shot at, almost blown up and even a kidnapping once.

The man you loved with every fibre of your being looking at you like you were less than filth under a person's shoes was your breaking point. There was no way you were going to face him again. You needed to forget about Spencer Reid, which meant a fresh start. This city was a constant reminder of his essence, you couldn’t stay. You plopped down on your bed with your work bag, reaching into it for your work computer. Hands twitching as you type. 

You remember being so proud when David Rossi recommended you for the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. You were even more ecstatic when Hotch actually requested your transfer there. You had worked your ass off for it. It was there that you met the infamous Doctor Reid. He was much different than how you had imagined him. He was so charming, friendly and so down to earth, not liking him wasn’t an option. The two of you had so much in common, despite being so different, it was the foundation for your friendship. His caring nature pulled you in further, you soon found yourself deeply in love with him. 

Tears flooded your keyboard as all your memories with him flash through your brain. His friendship was a beautiful bonus of the job you once loved, you never thought that he would become the reason you’d leave it. Yet here you were, furiously drafting your resignation to Agent Hotchner. There were so many signals in your brain telling you to back off, to open a bottle of wine and drown your sorrows instead, but your heart didn’t feel like that would be enough. Your love for your job didn’t outweigh your desire to run.

Spencer Reid was your best friend and being in love with him is an excruciating torture. One that you can no longer endure. You had never been more sure of anything as you are at this moment and you weren’t going to give yourself time to change your mind. Your time with Spencer and, as a consequence, your time at the BAU had come to an end. Another memory flashes through your mind as you sign the letter off with your name. A case in Boston had gone wrong and you were really hung up on it. Spencer, in an attempt to help you move on, shared a quote with an author he had recently read. You bitterly chuckle to yourself at this recall and press send with no second thought.

 “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C.S. Lewis.

Spoilers: BAU! Reader, friends to enemies, mutual pining, hurt, angst no comfort, whump (maybe idk), Reader & Spencer are both idiots, they should probably consider therapy actually, Spencer is a sassy little shit, but really just needs a hug and a class on communication. 

AN - You’ve heard of enemies to lovers/friends, now I present to you the exact same thing in reverse (been done time and time again, I’m not in any way original <3). You can blame Ariana Grande for this one. Sorry that I haven't posted, I've had insane writers block. I might be slightly incapable of shorter word counts, I’ll try to improve that.  I apologise for grammar/anything that does not make sense, I am both an idiot and also was dealing with a bad case of the flu when I wrote this. I’d like to thank @reidmotif for curing my writer's block and inspiring me on the second half of this fic. Thank you @starstruckbambi for proof reading this.

Drop thoughts & feelings so I can ponder on them. Always remember that I’m in your walls. 

Thank you for reading!

[robboyblunder]

As promised I went ahead and continued my "ghoul guide" with a part 2 (part one linked in replies)! This one covers stuff specifically with a made up lore guide of in-world ghoul stuff as if they were a sort of unique magic entity.

This one wound up way longer and had to be split so expect a third final one eventually lmao. for now though... I'm gonna take a break and yell. Bonus extra info plus the transcript under the cut!

ID in ALT text!

Bonus note: While not portrayed in the guide, it’s important to know a detail about ghouls’ origin called “memory echoes”. While ghouls are formed from humans past who lose all memory of their previous self while maintaining an assumed personality from before, at times certain instances of events, actions, items, and otherwise can trigger these “echoes”. Echoes are very rare, but a valued treasure to ghouls; they make them feel more connected to their past and more “human”. Upon triggering an echo, a ghoul will become completely listless, unable to respond or react until the echo has completed, usually within seconds.

“Memory echoes” are described as blurry faded memories that often show featureless shapes and colors, but a very strong “feeling” of a Deja-vu of the moment. They feel viscerally real and can have a mix of the senses i.e. touch and smell, but produce no recognizable faces or imagery of the self. No ghoul has ever reported fully remembering one, nor any semblance of their true past beyond the haunting leftovers.

Begin Transcript:

A Compendium of Hell’s Derivates

While there are many theories on the demonic nature of ghouls,

The true source is surprisingly Human.

Souls cannot be recreated; rather, they’re Recycled and Reborn

The cycle of ghoul creation started for unknown reasons…

But one thing is Certain:

Natural forces do not change easily.

Raw elements collide with the fuel of life itself until one connects

by His command

A violent injection of pure elemental magic

Rewrites and erases all memory and one’s past, drastically altering the soul…

These new powers lend to the powerful allies of the ministry,

However….

… new powers are a dangerous toy.

While coined as “Feral”, new ghouls would better be designated “Raw”, “Unbound”, and “Lawlessly Dangerous”

First formed, they are still elements;

Torrential, Aimless,

Incapable of coherent thought or rules

-but with time, coherence returns to the individual

Who grows much like a life cycle’s stages without necessarily aging.

The overall cycle is the same per ghoul, yet varied enough each rises differently…

First form: “Raw” – Second form (1): “Feral” – Second form (2) – Third form: “Stabilized”

Catalyst, violent, poor formation – Unaware, wild, chaotic – Conscious; can act like oneself; less raw – fully formed and recognizable

The first form, “Raw”, is notably so violent the devil himself does not release them until stage two.

The second form in stage one of a “Feral” ghoul is much like the forces of nature; free willed and wild, understanding minimal speech.

Take caution: they can be mischievous and cause decent damage.

In the second stage of a “Feral” ghoul, they behave like typical people; however, they’re still very free and may choose to never fully stabilize.

Note: you can tell they’ve reached this stage by presence of a tail and civil habits.

If desired, a ghoul reaches the final form: “Stabilized”. They’re transformed into a stable humanoid body, a form less powerful but safer.

Note: Talented ghouls can change form at will in this stage between secondary Feral and Stable.

When it comes to location, each form is most likely to be found:

Raw: Hell, contained

Feral (Stage 1): wilds/natural areas

Feral (Stage 2): wilds and civil areas

Stabilized: anywhere people go

Seeing feral ghouls is not uncommon, and can even be considered lucky!

They tend to provide free protection to keep their home

Ghouls can only stabilize via ministry ritual;

One can assume they’re ministry members if stable, even off duty.

Ghouls are uncommon, but found most places if looked for;

This seems especially true near ministry placements.

Ghouls only form from adults and don’t “age” traditionally, yet they’re still mortal

Deceased ghouls do not seem to return or recycle.

Summoning intentionally pulls only second stage feral ghouls or stable ghouls from anywhere,

They don’t always like this however (see other guide).

The cycle of ghouls serves a main purpose – as forces for the Dark One, in return for rebirth

However, there are two channels through which they serve.

1) Natural defense against corrupted holy magic

Non-stable ghouls defend at will naturally where they live

2) training to fight, protect, and uphold the ministry’s efforts in the name of the Devil.

Contrary to belief, summonings cannot grab from “nothing”;

Like the creation of a ghoul,

Their element, once developed, is what becomes pulled by nature

The force of such pull is incredible,

A disorientating test of will so great…

…it can render even the most sound minds rather violent.

This is why while some choose to stabilize, others may not;

But should a mind change, they can be freed or re-summoned.

Alternative to wild summoning, one can summon from trained ghouls over feral;

Many ghouls are trained for ministry positions all over, but any can be summoned if unassigned.

Though stabilized, unassigned ghouls are not contractually bound to anyone until assigned.

They’re great for extra work hands and being able to know what kind of team mates you’ll get without leaving it to chance.

Summoning any ghoul however reverts them to feral form, and the challenge to tame them remains the same.

Just because you know a ghoul does not mean an easy summon.

Finally, be warned: forcing unwanted breaking or upholding of a summoning contract

Will have dire consequences.

Aside from rarity of an element, there are “power classes” within each element.

Tiers:

Rarity of an element does not equal strength.

The break down is as follows:

Rare – extreme and dangerous power. These ghouls earn a specialized title.

Quite strong, stand out in their class and very sought after.

Most common tier; average and decent powers that are expectable.

Weak powers, but some uses are applicable.

Uncommon – ghouls who possess little to no powers. Ghouls in this tier may at times suddenly change power tier without warning to any other category.

S-Tier ghouls are quite rare and a sight to behold- truly, they embody nature’s power.

End transcript.

[always1star]

apologies

how jjk men show they’re sorry after an argument

includes: gojo, geto, nanami, toji, and sukuna (seperate pairings)

-----------------------------------

Gojo who apologizes with his money. He’s an avid gift buyer, coming home with flowers and cards and stuffed animals while you’re still pouting. The type of guy to get on his hands and knees because he simply doesn't care and would do anything just so you can look at him again. Of course, you always will forgive him because you love him and he’s great. In my opinion, also the most likely to own up to his mistakes and make genuine change. 

Geto who has the most poetic apologies. He’s mr full blown apology, sitting you down and ranting on and on about what went wrong and how things will be different next time. The communication in your relationship is always very important to him. He’s really good with his words so it's really easy to find where he's coming from and to forgive him, and so you guys make up in maybe thirty minutes after an argument. Maybe also a little manipulative with the way you forgive him with his words so easily (uh oh).

Nanami who’s lowkey a stubborn apologizer. Unfortunately, I think he's the type of guy to not think he's wrong and drag it out for as long as he can before he realizes he actually is wrong and then wont stop apologizing. He will take over every chore you have, will buy you things, will say he’s sorry over and over again even if you're already over it. He feels so sorry for ever even doubting that you were right. He probably won’t ever forgive himself, but you’re long over it and waiting for him to just forget it ever happened. 

Toji who isn’t too sure how to say sorry. He’s the type of guy to not really know how to say sorry but he tries anyway. Usually tries to mend things with a simple, “I’m sorry,” but he never really apologizes more than that. He’s not used to receiving, let alone giving apologies, but he wants to try with you because he wants you to know that he’s willing to make change and adapt to you. Although he isn’t too great with his words sometimes, he will treat you extra well (even better than before! and he treats you super well!!!) for the next 2 weeks lol. 

Sukuna who hates saying sorry. He never ever will say sorry because it would hurt his pride too much. However, upon seeing how upset your arguments with him made you, he lets go of his pride just a little bit. Instead of saying sorry, he shows you he is through little actions. He stops doing things you don’t like him doing for a little: he shows up on time, is a little more proper, tries to be a little nicer. Small things that other people would barely notice, but you deeply appreciate him trying.

-----------------------------------

sorry for not writing, i made lads characters on the sims and have been having a blast... :)

[lvl1l1]

Letting the mask slip

summary: your boyfriend is never anything but sweet to you, he worships the very ground you walk on, which makes it easy to forget how differently he treats other people, who aren’t you.

Or: he accidentally lets his true nature show

pairings: Caleb, Sylus x F!Reader(separate)

TW/CW: darker themes, kinda angsty, violence and blood mentioned in sylus’s, possessiveness in caleb’s. spoilers for caleb’s first myth and world underneath story

Caleb, the kindhearted boy from your childhood. Things might have changed since he’s re-entered your life but in the back of your mind, you still see the boy who has always been there for you. He’s grown up to be the man you rely on, willing to do anything for you. Seems like you don’t know what anything really entails.

Caleb has been by your side for as long as you can remember.

It’s always been him, you both knew that.

He’s always looked after you, cared for you, loved you. Neither of you could’ve ever imagined a life without the other in it, until it was cruelly forced upon you both.

Whenever you tripped over your own feet, Caleb was there to catch you. You fell and couldn’t find your footing to get up, Caleb was already there, helping you up. When you simply felt too tired to walk, Caleb was at your beck and call, giving you a piggyback ride home.

You considered yourself to have been a spoiled child, spoiled with love. Because your Caleb’s love was unconditional.

So, what do you do, when that supportive pillar, that has always backed you up no matter what, is suddenly breaking away from you?

When the very foundation that you had built your life upon, is ripped straight away from under your feet?

Once he had reappeared in your life, you had sworn you wouldn’t lose him again, not this time.

At first, it was hard. The change, the fear, the uncertainty.

In your heart, you knew Caleb was different.

You couldn’t imagine the horrific things they had done to him, and as far as he was concerned he would never let you find out.

The trajectory of both your lives had changed, but neither of you were willing to let this second chance go to waste.

After your stay with the fleet for the association, you did your best not to think of Caleb’s new occupation.

Ignorance was bliss, after all.

You simply didn’t want to confront anything that had gone down in Skyhaven.

The personality changing chips, that time Caleb’s memories reset after your fight, that weird adjutant…

You couldn’t do anything to keep Caleb away from the fleet, so you wouldn’t think about the fleet at all.

The way your heart clenched, when you thought of him when he was younger, a walking encyclopaedia regarding planes, giving up his dream job as a pilot, to become a colonel.

Outside of his work, not too much had changed, you kept telling yourself.

He had gone from being the boy you trusted with everything to being the man you relied on for everything.

You two went on outings together, just like you used to.

He cooked you dinner, you washed his laundry and later you two would do the dishes together, falling back into sync, just like before.

He still talked to you gently, fondness in his eyes. He comforted you, whenever you needed him to, knowing just what to say to make you feel better.

You still squabbled like before, loved each other like before, at its core, things were still the same, weren’t they?

Caleb was still the most important person in your life.

So, when he had forgotten his lunch at home, what else was there to do but swallow your discomfort and bring him his food, like the sweet girlfriend you were.

Assuring yourself it would be a nice surprise for him, seeing you and getting to eat something homemade after all… yeah, it would be worth it.

What you didn’t expect to see immediately upon your arrival, was your boyfriend himself standing with his back turned to you near the entrance.

As you mustered up the courage to approach him, you saw him talking to another man.

His adjutant, Liam, you remembered.

Unsure, whether or not to walk up to them, you hesitated, taken aback even more when two women walk past you, one of them leading two children by their hands.

They walked up to Caleb and his adjutant. Unfortunately , you were too far away to hear what exactly they were talking about.

Your eyes widened slightly, as the young boy threw himself at Liam, barely getting a reaction out of the man.

The boy started crying and tugging on the man’s clothes, while the girl, who you guessed to be his sister, stood by the woman, looking at the adjutant scornfully.

You remember how good Caleb always was with children, his boy-next-door charm always working like magic on young kids.

You lingered a bit longer, waiting to see your boyfriend comfort the crying children or encouraging his subordinate to pay more attention to the child throwing a tantrum at their feet.

Something in your chest felt tight, as he didn’t do any of the things you were anticipating.

You saw him open his mouth, saying something to Liam, the boy and the woman. Not in the way he said things to you do, you could tell.

A sharp smile on his lips, one that looked wrong to you, unfamiliar. It didn’t reach his eyes, his gaze cold and calculating. His body language not indicating any form of comfort either, standing straight and rigid, as expected of a colonel.

You saw him spare one last glance at his adjutant before going inside.

Tightening your grip on the straps of your bag, you rushed past the people standing infront of the entrance, the boys hiccups echoing in your ears, your heart hurting at the lack of attention he was receiving, but you had bigger fish to fry.

You saw Liam look at you, through your peripheral vision but you paid him no mind.

You pushed through, ignoring anyone who was telling you not to go further without authentication.

You felt yourself speed up, trying to catch up to your long legged devil of a boyfriend.

Just as you were about to call out to him, you felt someone harshly grab you by your shoulders, the impact making you jostle.

A surprised gasp left your lips, as you looked up.

There stood a man in a similar uniform like Liam’s, heavy hands leaving your shoulders, grabbing you by your arm instead to pull you to the side.

His grip tight and unforgiving, made you wince in pain.

“Civilians aren’t allowed on these premises.”

You tried pulling your arm free, but that only made him use more strength to keep you in place.

“Let go off me! I’m with-“

“Me.”

Both you and the man still holding you looked up at the familiar voice.

There stood Colonel Caleb in all his glory, arms crossed, eyes dark.

You felt the grasp on your arm loosen, using this opening to step back from the man altogether.

You massaged your arm, the circulation having been cut off with how tightly he had latched on.

“C-Colonel, this woman was-“

“Coming to see me,”

Caleb narrowed his eyes, you could see his jaw clenching, surprised by the anger radiating off of him.

“Who gave you the right to touch her?”

He took a heavy step forward, making his subordinate cower back in intimidation.

“Scram. If I ever catch you, as much as looking at her,”

He let out a low chuckle,

“Let’s just hope you’re not that stupid.”

The man, at least 10 years older than Caleb, nodded, pathetically running off after.

You frowned, turning to look at Caleb, his gaze already on you.

“Are you okay?”

The change in his tone giving you immediate whiplash.

Without saying anything, you took the reason you had come here to begin with, out of your bag, pressing the lunchbox into Caleb’s hands, turning away right after to storm off.

He immediately reached for you, softly grabbing your wrist, not letting you stray too far away from him.

“Pipsqueak, what’s wrong?”

The genuine concern in his voice made you shake,

“What’s wrong? Whats wrong? You’re seriously asking me that?!”

You looked back at him, raising your voice and squinting your eyes,

“I don’t even recognise you anymore. You were never like this.”

You shook your head, averting your eyes again, staring at the floor.

“Pips… we’ve been over this.”

Caleb loosely wrapped his arms around you, giving you enough space to pull away if you wanted to.

“I’m still the same old Caleb to you.”

You let him hug you, leaning your head against his chest.

Slowly, you raised your hands, reciprocating his embrace with a bit of hesitation.

You nodded, yeah.

It made sense, he was right.

To you, he was the same old Caleb.

You could be okay with that. As long as he stayed by your side.

You could ignore the changes, the possessiveness, his worries. If that’s what it took to be with him.

But was it really right for you to simply watch, as your sun was being forced to become a black hole, collapsing in on itself?

With how Sylus treats you, you sometimes forget that he’s still the leader of Onychinus. The elite of the elite, whenever he’s in Linkon City with you, there’s no reason for him to let the rough edges show, the guard he always has up while he’s in the N109 Zone but at the end of the day, most people still scramble in fear when he as much as shoots them a look.

Sylus was a soft, sweet mess whenever he was with you. If anyone other than you were lucky enough to witness that side of his, they’d tell you, that you truly have him in the palm of your hand.

There’s nothing he wasn’t willing to do for you, he’d even compromise his dignity for you.

No declaration of love grand enough and no act of service too much. Because he shows you a side of himself, that only exists for you.

So, it’s easy to forget what he’s like with everyone who, well, isn’t you.

You were used to seeing him as a lovesick, lover boy and today was not supposed to be any different.

You arrived at the base, planning on surprising Sylus with the fact that you got some time off and wanted to stay in the N109 Zone with him.

As you walked in, there was no one to greet you.

No Luke, No Kieran, No Mephisto, the ones who usually lounged around the bases entrance, always suspiciously stationed just in time to welcome you in.

The unusual silence upon your arrival made you feel a sense of unease, it felt like there was something darker brooding in the shadows.

You walked up the hallway, staying silent, in case you were missing something.

You came to a halt infront of Sylus’s office, not making a move to knock or open the door, as if waiting for something.

For what? You weren’t entirely sure either.

You let out a breathe you didn’t know you were keeping in, running a hand through your hair.

You didn’t know why you were acting like this either, shaking your head you reached for the doorknob.

Walking in, you saw;

Nothing.

Nothing out of the ordinary, at least.

His office was empty, still no sign of anyone around.

A sigh left your lips, as you spun on your heel, planning to wait in the living room for everyone to come back.

When an idea suddenly popped into your head.

This was the opportunity of a lifetime, no Mephisto, no Sylus to keep you from taking a good look around.

“A quick glance never hurt anyone…”

You quickly shut the door, making your way deeper into his office.

You first take a quick peek between the bookshelves, skimming through the book titles and checking if there was anything hidden behind the books.

You, then made your way over to his records. A grin making its way to your face, thinking about Sylus listening to his lame records while working.

Lastly, you slowly approached his desk, papers lying around. You stopped once you reached the side of the wooden surface, resting your hand atop.

Whispers of guilt were starting to creep into your head, feeling bad for prying into Sylus’s work.

As you were about to make your exit, thinking twice about keeping your search for nothing in particular going, a file caught your attention.

With a quick glance over your shoulder, you reached for it, pulling out a picture of a man who looked to be in his 30s.

The file itself contained general information on him, his name, date of birth, his occupation, where he lived, his wife and child’s name…

You felt a lump in your throat.

The leader of the biggest crime syndicate in the country having this kind of information on you, probably wasn’t a good sign.

You also knew, that if Sylus was the one holding this information, the man in these files couldn’t just be anyone, yet as you kept rereading the name of his child and wife you felt a sense of guilt.

Well, this didn’t have to be bad, he might be a new henchman or, maybe he was a threat to civilians so Sylus was keeping an eye on things.

You swallowed the knot in your throat and put the folder back, finally deciding to take your leave.

You walked back down the hall, pondering.

You knew Sylus wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, hell, the first time the two of you met he dematerialised a man right infront of you with his evol.

Yeah, said man was trying to harm you and he was a traitor to Onychinus but no one deserved that kind of fate, right?

Lost in thought, you arrived infront of Sylus’s armoury. You scrunched your eyebrows, unsure of how you ended up here of all places.

Shrugging, you decided to head inside, maybe you could finally find your boyfriend in there.

Pushing the door open, the first thing that greets you is Mephisto immediately cawing upon your arrival.

Taken aback by the sudden noise, you look at the crow in confusion.

“What…”

you trailed off, before your eyes landed on the man you’d been looking for.

“Sylus!”

Sylus raised an eyebrow at your entrance, it looked like he was in the middle of cleaning one of his guns(had you been a bit more observant, you surely would’ve noticed the blood he was wiping off).

“My, how did a stray kitten find her way inside?”

His mischievous tone making you pout,

“I’ve been looking for you, y’know.”

With a quiet chuckle, he got up, tucking his gun away and making his way towards you.

“Why didn’t you just message me, sweetie?”

You were about to answer, if your eyes hadn’t flickered towards the red puddle accumulating behind the couch he had just been sitting on.

Your face immediately fell, taking a step back. Sylus’s gaze hadn’t left you and as you went to meet his eyes for a moment, that same red you had seen a second ago disappeared off the floor without a trace.

“What’s wrong, kitten?”

usually, you would’ve been able to pick up on his sarcastic tone but today, your mind was plagued with thoughts you hadn’t entertained before.

“What were you up to today, Sylus?”

You tried not letting your tone slip, because in your heart, you knew you were acting silly. It’s not like you didn’t know what Sylus’s job was or what it entailed but usually, usually he made sure to hide every trace of cruelty. Shielding you from his world, not burdening your light heart with the concept of death and betrayal.

He simply didn’t think your psyche would take well to it. And right, he was.

In all honesty, he was aware the second you stepped into the base. Of course, he was.

He knew you were looking for him and he thought of how sweet you were, then you went into his office and his amusement went up tenfold.

It turned into a game for him, waiting for you to find what he had left behind on his desk, originally planning on wrapping his business up sooner.

He couldn’t wait to see what you would do.

On a normal day, he wouldn’t have done something like this.

On a normal day, he would’ve left Luke and Kieran to deal with the pesky grievances.

He would’ve rushed to you, having cleaned up his desk before you had even stepped inside, making sure not to leave a trace of his concerns.

Today, however, wasn’t a normal day.

If you asked Luke and Kieran, they would’ve told you his bloodlust was stronger than usual, and well, if you would’ve asked him…

He wouldn’t have said anything at all.

“I’ve just been doing a little spring cleaning. Why ask?”

Don’t worry, he won’t let something like this happen again.

[redhoodsdeer]

on wheels (tired!reader x mechanic jason)

civil!reader x jason todd

prompt: where the reader's car decides to mess it up on the worst day possible, fortunately the mechanic jason was quite willing to help.

a/n: i finally posted again, and tbh, i didn't really like this one, but i have a thing for mechanic jason that just can't be put into words, i hope you guys love this as much as i love mechanic jason.

It was 10pm on what seemed like the most stressful day of your entire life, everything you wanted was to get home and take a shower long enough for your neighbors to think you were dead, but since this was definitely the worst day of the year, of course you couldn't, and of course your car broke down on a dark Gotham street at 10pm.

Every little thing that could go wrong today, did. Your ran out of coffee and you were way too late to stop by a coffee shop, your work clothes that you were supposed to pick up at the dry cleaners yesterday? still stuck there, your important meeting with your boss? the biggest disaster of your whole career.

All you wanted to do was curl up in an fetal position and cry on the floor until this day became a really distant memory, but instead, you were calling the tow truck at 10pm on a terribly suspicious street in Gotham.

After what seemed like hours of no one answering your calls, you finally got an answer and arrived at the garage, which seemed to be the only 24-hour garage in town, and you were infinitely grateful for that.

Okay, now, you were expecting a mechanic twice your father's age, on a dirty white tank top and a beer belly, you didn't expect that at ten o'clock at night on the day that seemed endless, you would come face to face with a greek god who had escaped from Olympus.

Biceps so big they could break you in two (and you kinda wished they did), the most angelic face you've ever seen, not to mention the white streak in his hair, because of course your mechanic had to be absolutely divine, on the day you were absolutely mundane, your tight skirt stained with coffee (which wasn't even yours!), your face as tired as a construction worker's on the end of the day, and your makeup had abandoned you three disasters ago.

"Ma'am, so what's the deal with the big guy here?" he asks, his voice so deep you thought you might melt. Your voice barely came out, your eyes struggling to stay on the car between you two.

"I don't know, I was on my way home when it broke down, I have no idea what happened, my dad was the one who used to take my car to the mechanic."

And of course the perfect day for you to get used to going to the mechanic by yourself was the same day you tripped in a mud puddle on your way to work and had to walk three blocks back just to take a shower.

He stares at you like you're from another world, before shaking his head and lifting the hood of the car, looking for whatever was wrong with your car.

Your eyes followed every move of his methodically, as if, if you looked away he would disappear and be replaced by a regular mechanic with a beer belly and a bad attitude.

And when he took his grease-stained hands off the hood of the car and turned his blue-gray eyes to you, you felt like you might faint.

"Lucky for you, it's nothing really bad, you've just been a while without an oil change and it's easy to fix." The raspy voice echoes through the shop and you feel your heart beat faster as you slowly nod your head to show that you understood.

"And how much will this cost?" Your voice asks, politely, already searching through your bag for your wallet, which was a bright pink, because you simply felt like everything around you was black, white and gray, and you wanted to have something colorful to remind you of the existence of colors.

As he walked around the workshop, just before he put his grease-stained hands on the hood to open it and change the oil, he gave a little laugh that could have been mistaken for a smirk, and coming from that man, you felt like you needed to lean on something to keep your composure, more specifically, him.

He finished and closed the hood of your car, wiping his hands on a cloth that was lying on a shelf, it might have just been because it was him doing it, but every movement he made sent a wave of heat over you, because everything looked so fucking hot.

But before you could even find your card inside the colorful wallet, a smirk appeared on the man's face, who was now leaning against the side of your car, looking as attractive as humanly possible.

"Chill, it's just some oil change, it's already 11pm on a Tuesday night, you look exhausted, it's on the house, maybe that way you'll become a regular customer" His voice teases and you swear you just felt your heart entangle with your lungs.

There was no way this divinity in human form was flirting with you, of all people, you, at your worst, you were sure your hair that you had delicately styled the night before had given up a long time ago, and you swore you looked as much of a disaster as you could.

But still, there he was, openly flirting with you. "In the face of such an irresistible proposal, maybe my car will break down more often around here, who knows, maybe I'll forget to change the oil again." You shrug, putting your wallet back at your purse and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you smiled at him.

A chuckle escaped his lips as he tossed your car keys back to you. “Maybe you should get my number in case you need help and you’re too far from the shop.” He shrugged, just before writing his number on a worn-sided post-it note that was stuck to the counter and handing it to you.

Your hands touched for least than half a second, and as cheesy as it may sound, you swear you felt an electric wave run through your body the moment your hands touched.

And right there, on the scribbled paper, was 'Jason' written in a sloppy handwriting that made you smile to yourself as you read it.

"Jason, huh?" You ask, looking up from the small note. He just shrugs, a silly smile on his face.

"You'll have to call to find out."

As you drove out of the garage, driving your now, not-quite-broken car, with a smile so big they might think you were leaving a casino after winning a jackpot, finally get to you that this interaction had actually happened, and that the neatly folded post-it note inside your pink wallet really had the number of the hottest guy you had ever seen.

And now, you were hopefuly waiting for your car to break down, willing to even crash into a tree if it would make him appear faster.

It turns out, in the end, your day wasn't so bad after all.

[janecafe]

getting to know your future spouse (a detailed reading)

1--2--3

˚⊱🍀⊰˚

to book a personal paid reading here

this reading was based on the tarot & oracle cards itself. it not totally foretells the future outcome however everything is yet not set into the stone, the reader is advised to read at their own risk. we still have the rights to make our own dreams and faith. peace!

i will use him or her, she or he as a general point of view of this reading from which is the strongest energy i'm gonna pick up for each pile. regardless of the gender, you can still view or change the pronoun by your preferred gender.

©janecafe 2025

POV: kudos to all hardworking tarot readers out there, it was my first time to read this big pack of energy and i never knew it would drain the hell out of me. it also took me weeks to complete and finished this reading so a big salute! 🍵

sections ⋆

- overall personality, traits & quirks

- physical appearance

- mentality, beliefs or habits

- zodiac signs, letters & relevant numbers

- places and directions

₊˚ʚ 𝐔𝐍𝐎 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

i. overall personality traits & quirks

he is focusing on himself more onto his financial needs. he is probably busy working on things he needs, despite the doubt, the percentage of faith is higher. i can't totally say, he is afraid to fail but he strongly wants to build stable finances and establish a name on his career.

he is probably someone that is highly respected in his career. someone who maybe abuses power somehow in his job and career. he got the position that is influential, leading or top-level. one of the reasons are- this is his way to protect his bubble, he worked hard for that. it probably took him years to build and achieve that position and life.

however looking on the brighter side, he is detail oriented, career focused, dependable and is willing to work collaboration with his co-workers and teammates. he wants his skills and experiences to contribute to the company for a better and productive work environment. high chances he may also be a business owner and entrepreneur.

i think people have harsh opinions and may have false accusations with your person. as you can see, he exudes a negatively impact from people's perspective.

he also has an obsession over his hair. for him, it must be clean and neat. (came out of nowhere ehihi✌🏻)

this person, is the one that will encourage and support you a lot but it seems like you were just numb enough to think of that, like to think that he likes you at first because you've heard people's opinions towards him that affect on how you look with this person.

you may work with this person, maybe a boss, a mentor or whatsoever it is, but the important recipe here is that they're known to your work and well-experience.

i can say that the connection may start as casual and hostile from the starting months or even years.

he also likes to yell at tv, it was the show he was yelling at as if he was going to be heard.

another description of him is- he is a cold-fish person but also a lone wolf.

signs you can look: feeling charismatic. being more creative than before. new friendships. felt satisfied with your own. a big house celebration. trust issues. desperate to live on your own. desperate to move.

ii. physical appearance

he has an immaculate appearance, even if he wears rags it's an A1 as it is. his hooded pair of eyes fits perfectly to his face. if i were to describe his eyes language it's beady and heavy, it more has sad emotions that describe his entire aura and mood.

as i said, the hair will be neat and clean. it is also thick and soft.

he may have dry and chapped lips. but the teeth are also prominent, maybe there's a gap between his teeth or like a vampire/fang teeth. his height is intimidating, someone who is gifted kinda lofty. (this is how i describe him bcs i am smol ehihi ✌🏻)

let's see what i can get more here. ohh, body yes. it's obvious that it's not attractive enough for most but i think it's healthy and i can't say that his body is very muscular but his chest and stomach is fine. it's not too thin nor fat.

iii. mentality, beliefs or habits

he is a volunteer of a new perspective and trials in life. he is a family-centric person, building a peaceful household is one of his goals and beliefs. i think, it's important for him to choose the right partner.

he is the type of person that won't get immediately in a relationship despite the connection and feelings may build he would likely withdraw or run away from it. it's like he knows himself very well, he knows when he's in love "he gives and risks it all"- so that's his way to avoid the ache feeling. he is knows he's boundaries.

he believes in learning and continues the improvement of every individual. he believes that there is kindness despite people's harsh opinions of him, he can't blame them if that's what they think or perceive him.

he is a thrifty person but is willing to spend money for branded things and important people in his life.

iv. zodiac signs, names, letters & relevant numbers

gale, abigale, francis, francisco, frank, kath, cath, kaye, kate, cecil, cecilia, maria, marian, marie, rich, richard, ed, edward, edwin, eddy, brent, bench, robert, romeo, rob, rock, julie, jillian, julia, julian, james, rey. that's all the names i've got. ✌🏻

6, 37, 28, 10, 19, 12, 88, 22.

scorpio, virgo, sagittarius (2x), aquarius and taurus (3x)

v. places and directions

park, office, lake, grand parents house or old (haunted) house, small town, simply north.

₊˚ʚ 𝐃𝐎𝐒 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

i. overall personality traits & quirks

she is a carefree person. someone who looks after a bigger picture. i think she knows how to appreciate things, she's just happy whatever life and people treat her. she has a very pure soul. it's like kindness is never a wrong choice, but for her perspective, it's priceless to receive kindness from others as well.

she's too optimistic. she's not that kind of person who bluffs and talks negatively to others. she's not into that negative vibe. she's balanced and mindful when talks.

her intelligence and fair treatment to others is absolutely beautiful.

as well, she loves to inspire others. when she works she's determined and goal-driven. she's loyal to those people who gain her trust, her selflessness shows no personal agenda. if she thinks you are trustworthy then you are worth risking.

i think she has an oily or sweaty face and body. well that's normal though maybe this is one of the reasons why she's always carrying tissues.

she has a deep love for nature, animals and rain.

just another secret to add, she likes to sing but i can say that her voice is good to hear. 😅

ii. physical appearance

okay, with the tower card. if i'm not mistaken, she's tall and this makes her incredible to people's point of view asides from her personality of course.

her eyes had a tinge of freedom and power, on the outer it's large and has a gentle expression.

her side profile and lips are perfectly fine. her overall aura is very zen energy. (jennie song, ehihihi ✌🏻)

i think she has brown skin or may have a dark complexion.

iii. mentality, beliefs or habits

she believes that passion is the one that makes us successful. if you love and enjoy what you are doing you are considered successful from her perspective.

she believes that love comes in the most unexpected way. the type of love that is slow burn- letting the faith unfold its unexpected moments because for her love will leave a big impact on life. those love that's hard to predict, that the divine intervention and power has do it's own timing to find her by grace and truth.

she also has an optimistic mindset.

iv. zodiac signs, names, letters & relevant numbers

names; sophia, susie, jake, jan, john, julie, jennifer, jen. biblical names like david and aaron.

moon and venus. libra(2x), pisces(3x), taurus, aries, cancer (3x)

18, 7, 169, 8888, 48, 9, 4, 25.

v. places and directions

cinema, library, cafe, street, under the table, under the tree, church, lake, underground, balcony, party, cosplay event. a place where most of the weather is scorching hot or summer in simple terms.

₊˚ʚ 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐒 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

i. overall personality traits & quirks

this is someone who trusts the flow of life. he is not afraid of what comes next even if it does not turn out well. he thinks that conflict, errors and challenges are a normal part of living. he understood of pushing himself through hard for the best because that's how he gets stronger.

he is uncommunicative about his plans and goals that somehow people seem to wonder what life he could have behind those eyes. his voice is all that matters to him.

anyway, he laughs a lot too. if you will personally know this person, you would think that they're the smartest, coolest and most beautiful person you've ever met.

he may have small eye glasses. he is interested in writing, reading and painting one of these might be his daily routine habits.

this person has a deep love and interest in historical places and the supernatural. to simplify, he is interested in the occult but not in black magic especially those called ritual to lure someone. he is not a big fan of that. he thinks love comes in a natural way and in divine timing.

he is not a typical person that gets carried away by his emotions. he is serious about handling his life, perhaps, time is important to him too. he doesn't waste time in a senseless chase.

ii. physical appearance

for his physical appearance, i think he is not into trendy, nice and branded clothing. he is more into casual and plain.

he has a round and cute face shape. there's some prominent detail on his whole body- it can be moles, scar or tattoo.

his hair is short and spiky or curly, it structured his head bone. i also think he has thick eyebrows that compliment his whole face. it was the first one to get noticed by people.

he is mature and old compared to his age, people get shocked knowing his real age because it seems like his appearance is not applying for his age.

overall, he is an attractive person.

iii. mentality, beliefs or habits

i think he's into smoking, lighting a candle or incense he may believe it will bring peace and knock senses.

he believes in organizing and cleaning workspaces because it helps him to determine and focus on work.

he may also be into chewing gum, it's just a habit of him that you can't take away.

iv. zodiac signs, letters & relevant numbers

sun and rising. capricorn (3x), pisces, aries(2x), gemini, scorpio, cancer.

harry, henry jacob benjamin blake juana olivia oliver ava amelia amira akira emile akasha aisha anne ann diane diana summer sophia sophie sai sey atasha, joseph, sky, ryan.

34, 13, 11, 9,5, 20

v. places and directions

cafeteria, school, hotel, casino, bat, beach, zoo, police station, lobby, hallway, south direction.

[jailforwriter]

Let's delve into...

Look, I know you don't like to fail. I KNOW. Neither do I. But do you know who will—and should—fail a lot? YES, your characters! Failure does all the nifty things writing teachers promise us will keep the story interesting: raise the stakes, bring emotions to a boil, and keep things from stagnating and/or getting predictable. Triumphs have their place, and should be present (unless you enjoy metaphorically kicking your readers in the shins, which, hey, more power to you!) but your characters can't always win. That's boring, and unfortunately, boring is the biggest noncriminal sin in entertainment. The good news is that, when your character does win, their previous failure is going to make it all the more satisfying. Doesn't that make you want to nail that failure for maximum improvability? (Hey I HEARD YOU rolling your eyes just now. Rhetorical questions are NOT cringe. Rude.)

So, what do I mean by a "good failure"?

Basically, when they mess up naturally, because of their own choices, in a way that reflects their flaws. "But wait," I hear you say, "does that exclude the possibility of an external circumstance making for a good catalysts for failure?" Nope! There are no hard and fast rules in writing, and shit does, indeed, just happen sometimes. Happen poignantly, even. But your character can't be entirely blameless in every scenario because then things get *taps on chalkboard* BORING. Seriously, consequences are so cool, I promise.

Okay then, why do I want a good failure?

Emotional resonance: do you remember that time you studied hard and still failed the test? Betcha that felt real bad. Yeah, it's that, but magnified by however many people died (or were sad about it! The stakes don't always need to be cataclysmic).

Catalyst for organic growth: do you remember how failing that test made you decide never to pull an all-nighter cramming again? Perhaps even reassess your relationship with God, your identity, and your place in the universe? Yep. And it felt earned, too. Huh.

Narrative depth: how mad were your parents about that test? And how much did it suck getting your Nintendo taken away because of it? That was compelling, realistic tension, baby! It put you right on the—unfun, but necessary—path to making that eventual success feel meaningful. Yay.

Relatability: you know, I felt kinda bad writing all that stuff about how failing that test wrecked you. Because I have empathy, certainly, but also because I've been there too! Mistakes are human, and few things are more effective at humanizing someone than making them an honorary cringefail loser. (This holds especially true if they're usually the god king of being hot and correct, btw.)

Fine, so how do I go about writing that?

Foreshadowing: why, yes, everything DOES always come back to foreshadowing. Good catch! See, foreshadowing marks the difference between a failure being contrived and awkward, and landing because it was tragically inevitable. The character has been making bad decisions that will come back to bite them all book, and the time for gleaning lessons from the teeth marks on their ass is now.

Make the failure specific and personal: sure, failing a test is a universal experience, but failing the most important test ever conceived in the history of mankind and if you fail your mom will hate you and your girlfriend will leave you and you'll go bald isn't. Make 'em feel it where it hurts!

Consequences: internal or external, they better be tailormade to catalyze change. Be it damaged interpersonal relationships or crippling self-doubt, they better not walk away from their mess-up willing to do it again. (NOTE: exceptions may apply in negative character arcs, but even then, the next time they make that mistake, it shouldn't be the exact same one again. It should be so, so much worse.)

Redemption: following on from the last point—make it a turning point! Show me how things are fifty kinds of broken now and how your character plans on rebuilding the mess using the tools they just got from chucking the toolbox full-tilt at their lives.

Examples be upon ye:

Simba in The Lion King: hopefully we can all agree that thinking you caused your father's death is a valid reason to crash out. However, the important thing here is that the crash-out was not eternal. It allowed for an emotional development cooldown period, and when it did end, empowered Simba to make his triumphant return all the more triumphant. Do you think smacking his geriatric uncle off a mountain would've been half as hot if his emotional arc and subsequent redemption had been underbaked? No. Literally. C'mon, lock in.

Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender: ahh yes, the king of redemption arcs, which kinda also makes him the king of cringefailing (both externally and internally! Very illustrative, thank you, Zuko). But I bet you don't just remember his struggle with capturing Aang. In fact, I'd bet quite a few buckaroos what you most remember is his struggle with honor. Could it be because you're grateful for what each setback did to help him find his? What about how they taught him that true honor was internally cultivated rather than externally conferred? And the fact that he chose to help the person whom he'd vowed to destroy in order to get it, for which he used the tools he painstakingly won throughout his arc? Hmm. Perchance. See what I mean? It just feels right when things come full circle, and boy is a good failure shaped like zero!

Ultimately, I hope you found something useful here and that, the next time you're down in the trenches of narrative predictability and character stagnation, you consider pissing in their metaphorical coffees. Thank you!

Happy writing!

[loveemagicpeace]

🍓The Ascendant & Descendant 🍓

Aries rising with Libra Descendant- your personality is strong and energetic. Everything you do, you do with passion. You are led by Mars, and therefore you can often be quick-tempered and do things without thinking. You know how to put your needs before others. You can be selfish when it comes to your own needs. You take care of yourself by playing sports, doing various adrenaline-filled things. You are very passionate, competitive. Your energy can always be felt on the outside and you are not afraid to show your emotions and anger. You are brave and often take risks. You go into things without thinking too much about them, you just go and see how it goes.

Libra Descendant- in relationships they can be flirty, you may find it hard to stop because you can also be very picky when it comes to relationships. The right person for you is the one who can balance you, give you harmony and support. It means that you seek a partner who is brave enough to desire partnership, despite knowing how vulnerable emotional commitment can make you. It's wanting someone unafraid to love love. Your ideal partner is elegant and graceful. They accept that you need a lot of space and independence is important to you. You are an active person by nature, and you need someone who teaches you balance but also supports you in your ventures. In the relationship, it is probably you who makes the most decisions. You are a leader, and you get along the best with someone who prefers to be led.

Taurus rising with Scorpio Descendant- your personality is calm, stalin, grounded. You only give your energy to those who really deserve it. You can do many things yourself. I noticed that taurus rising people are very independent people, that they can be themselves no matter what. You invest a lot in material things. You like good food, watching TV, going to the cinema, listening to music, sleeping, lounging. You take things slowly and don't like too much change.

Scorpio Descendant- in relationships, you like privacy, you like that someone is only yours. You don't like to enter into a relationship if you see that it is not on the same level. In relationships, you can be very possessive, deep, persistent. Scorpio descendant, you naturally gravitate towards intense, transformative partnerships and may face power struggles or hidden dynamics.The descendant in Scorpio indicates that you are unconsciously attracted to people who stir up your everyday life, and who are magical in some way.They can be either be quite dramatic themselves or dramatic things happen to them/around them, but they for sure push you out of your comfort zone. If this energy is not properly integrated, your partner can turn your life upside down. Extreme situations are not uncommon when Scorpio is involved.Your partner is the most familiar with this side of you.

Gemini rising with Sagittarius Descendant- your personality is very open (you can start a conversation with anyone). Communication is part of you and you like people who are communicative and especially people who are interesting. You have a very changeable personality and you can change a lot in yourself and around you. Although you don't change your appearance that much, but when you do, it really makes a big difference. As a person who is willing to listen but prefers to talk. Sometimes you can say things that may not be appropriate because your mind is so fast that you don't even realize what you are saying. With Gemini on the Ascendant, you may lack a deep need to find answers to life’s big questions. It’s not that the concept of “truth” is not important to you, you just choose to spend your precious time on other endeavours, and may take things more at face value.  

Sagittarius Descendant-in relationships you like to explore and you like independence. You are attracted to people who are educated, intelligent, interesting. You can sometimes be a little unstable and take a new step too quickly. You might be deeply attracted to love relationships with a partner who has a background quite different from your own, either culturally or with lifestyle beliefs. These differences can stimulate and inspire you. You can be too optimistic about others. When under pressure, you can get stuck in your own little world, and you can’t find the solution without stepping back and taking a look at the bigger picture. You want a partner who is funny, fiery, likes to travel, likes different things.

Cancer rising with Capricorn Descendant- your personality is private, moody, emotional. You perceive many things through emotions, and you can also have many needs..You are very sweet , showing a willingness to extend their arms wide for a person in need. They provide a certain type of warmth that puts people at ease, even to their casual acquaintances. While they might come across as reserved, shy, or cautious when meeting new people, Cancer risings are warm and friendly once they feel comfortable. While Cancer risings can appear quiet and reserved on the surface, they are extremely motivated and driven when it comes to creating security for themselves or their loved ones. This ascendant has an inherent craving for financial safety, driving them to work diligently toward achieving their goals. They naturally tap into their intuition in terms of what move they should make next or what decision is financially sound. You are open and act as a person very open to conversation. You tend not to show your tender or shy side in front of others. But you don't really like meeting new people or going to parties.

Capricorn Descendant-in relationships you can be strict, serious, relentless and also stubborn. Many of your relationships can be based on business. You can have a business or a company with your spouse, and your spouse can be the one who helps you with this. Many times it can be a relationship based on business and benefits. A relationship seems meaningful to you if there is some benefit from it. In relationships, you can often be cold, distant, alienated, and the relationship can suffer because of this. Your career can be important to you and you like to have reputation and recognition. You like your spouse to be good for society. Capricorn suggests that you often find yourself attracted to people with strong Saturnian energy. They teach yo how to be mature, take responsibility, be patient and focus on long-term goals. marriage is also usually karmic. However, your standards are quite high, and if someone doesn’t live up to them, you know that there is no point in settling for them. You rather wait for someone who can be a good partner. Family life is important to you. As a Cancer rising, you probably want to start a family at some point in your life. They might be emotionally unavailable too. In other cases, they are unconsciously attracted to others who behave this way. It can also happen that you get married and then get divorced.

Leo Rising with Aquarius Descendant- your personality is proud, strong, determined. You know what you want and you do it. You like to have fun in your own way and usually always find your fun in yourself and in things that involve you. You like to dress well and usually also like to stand out. You like extra things. You tend to be confident. People see you as a charming person and a person who always shines in everything. You can be popular among people. Leo risings seek others who can appreciate their need for admiration and share their zest for life. Leos also have an optimistic and open outlook on friendships and social connections. They can chat with anyone and have acquaintances all over the world. They do keep a group of what they would consider close friends, and they’re loyal to those connections.

Aquarius Descendant- in relationships you can be quite free and seek independence. You don't like to depend on someone, and you especially don't like pressure. You are attracted to people who are independent, different, interesting, have many friends or someone who has a large circle of people. You like someone you can hang out with at various events and introduce to your friends. Common interests and hobbies are important to these two. When Aquarian Descendants are married or in long-term partnerships, they want to know, for no rational reason, the whereabouts and activities of their partner. You are joyful, optimistic person. People with this placement tend to radiate with warm energy that attracts other to them. You like to be in a relationship with someone whose views are similar. You prefer smart, entertaining, interesting partners. They have to surprise you and show you things from a fresh perspective. You tend to see your partner as your friend rather have very romantic feelings for them. The descendant sign Aquarius can indicate marriage with someone who is divorced.

Virgo rising with Pisces Descendant- People may perceive Virgo risings as being dedicated to maintaining a sense of calm and willing to do whatever it takes to stay organized to avoid disorder and chaos. You do everything skillfully with a fine sense of craftsmanship and precision, perfectionism, care and attention to detail. You are keenly observant and have an acute sensitivity to each and every thing in your environment; therefore, you attend to small things that others do not readily notice, the subtleties, the fine points. You fulfill your soul function through service, assisting and helping others, perhaps in a rather humble, understated, unglamorous way, and doing a job for its own sake rather than for personal recognition or glory. When out of balance, you criticize, worry, obsess about yourself and/or your health or body, and tend to magnify problems.

Pisces Descendant-suggests that you have a lot of experience with order but haven’t dealt with chaos frequently. You tend to choose partners who inspire you to transcend reality. They show you that there is more to life than what meets the eye. The descendant in Pisces suggests that your partner is often involved with spirituality, art, music, they are compassionate and selfless. They encourage you to discover your intuition. Your partner can be detached from reality and have weak boundaries. You can also see them as too emotional, sensitive, easy to hurt. You can find their behavior irrational which upsets you if you have not recognized the descendant in Pisces in yourself yet. Unconsciously being attracted to delusional people can also happen. The descendant in Pisces suggests that you show your partner how to be more efficient and grounded. It comes naturally to you to take care of others. You are there for your partner when they need practical help.

Libra Rising with Aries Descendant- your personality is kind, sympathetic, harmonious. You can quickly get along with people because they find you a friendly person. You can do much more for others than for yourself. Sometimes you can forget yourself for others. In a way, you can also sacrifice a lot for others. You like fashion and you like to dress well. You can also be very indecisive, which can also be a little annoying to others. You like peace and don't like conflict. Libra Risings were born with a naturally charming dreamer. With age, they only learn to fine-tune their allure. When it comes to the art of flirting, these seducers are very aware of how to speak to the senses. But you are usually always inclined to want a relationship or some kind a thing with someone. Also can be hard for you to find yourself.

Aries Descendant-Aries suggests that you are attracted to partners who are courageous, outgoing, enthusiastic, passionate, bold, impulsive. They swipe you off your feet their self-confidence and directness. You need a partner who can balance out you and who is a go-getter and an action taker. You are usually attracted to dynamic personalities. Your ideal partner is passionate, enthusiastic, fiery. In the long run, you get along the best with someone who is rather energetic and who doesn’t overthink just takes action. Aries in 7th house suggests that you need someone else to borrow you courage. Your partner can inspire you and teach you to be bold. They often say what is on their mind, without thinking twice if they will offend someone. They are brutally honest. Your partner can be impulsive and impatient, what takes effort to get used to for you. You can perceive your partner as selfish and egoistic sometimes. There can be a tendency to project the traits of Aries onto other people.

Scorpio Rising with Taurus Descendant- your personality is strong, intense, deep and passionate. You always fight deeply for the things you want to have and achieve. You have a stronger sexual drive, so sex in itself is important to you. You like to be familiar and you are not afraid to show your body to others. Usually, these people are very satisfied with their bodies. You are a demanding person and you only give yourself to people if you trust them, which is also one of the important things in your life. That people trust you and tell you their secrets. As a person who is more reserved and does not like to have conversations with people who do not suit you. You are an intense and passionate person, perhaps too much for some people to handle

Taurus Descendant-.You may impulsively jump into one relationship after another and eventually settle into an enduring and stable one. The descendant in Taurus indicates that you are used to crisis and drama, and you are attracted to people who promise you peace and comfort. However, you don’t trust people immediately and you are reserved. A Taurus descendant suggests that your partnerships are meant to bring peace and joy. Your ideal partner is grounded and practical, they don’t let strong emotions influence them. In your relationships, you seek stability.Your long-term relationships work out the best if your partner can be a firm ground in your life you can build on. Trust is not easy for you. You are drawn to the mysterious side of existence, and you need a partner who will help you stay realistic and practical. It takes time for you to let someone close. You need stability in a relationship, someone who you can count on and who will reciprocate your commitment. Your ideal partner is receptive to the beauty present in the world. They are usually artistic and they appreciate the finer things in life. The 7th house in Taurus indicates that your partner is a hedonist and sensual. Sexuality is an important part of your marriage.

Sagittarius Rising with Gemini Descendant- your personality is optimistic, fun, independent. You like to explore and do things that make you happy. You like intelligent people, people with whom you can share a new path and who always bring you light. You are independent and like to do things on your own. You grow again and again through new experiences. You are a humorous person who likes to joke around. You're not as open as people first think. You share knowledge with others, but when it comes to privacy, you don't share much. You can always put others in a good mood and give them motivation. Your path is always bright no matter what. You are also very kind to others.

Gemini Descendant-communication is very important in this regard. The person may have good thinking and may listen to you. Also suggests that you are attracted to people who radiate with the energy of the Twins. (and perhaps you are intimidated by them at the same time).The descendant in Gemini indicates that your ideal relationship is based on intellectual connection. You are attracted to people who are witty, smart, great conversationalists. You are usually interested in air signs in general. Mental connection is more important to you than emotions in the long run. You need a partner to point them out and show you what you need to pay attention to. You learn a lot from your relationships with others. You also teach your partner, for you, relationships that support growth are the best. People with this placement enter relationships out of curiosity. They want to explore what it means to be in a union. This can indicate more than one committed long-term relationships or marriages.

Capricorn Rising with Cancer Descendant-your personality is very strong (many times people perceive your energy just by your silence - you can say more with silence than with words). You have courage and always know what you are doing. You have no mercy for people who hurt you and once you lose respect for someone you become very rude to that person and they are like trash to you. Respect and loyalty are very important to you. If you give and invest energy in someone, then you expect the same in return. You don't like to wander if you feel that it will just be a waste of time. You always stand proud and tall and aware of your worth. You don't judge others and you are very understandable to yourself. But you have rules that people can follow. When you really love someone then there are no limits here and you would do a lot for the person. You are not interested in others and you always know how to look after yourself.

Cancer Descendant-you seek partners who can give you the nurturing and emotional security you needed as a child. The descendant in Cancer indicates that your ideal partner has high emotional intelligence, they are warm and supportive, and they give you an emotional background. In some cases, you want a partner who is a homemaker. In your relationships, you feel that you can finally show your sensitive side. You are caring and protective of your partner. The descendant in Cancer suggests that you can experience the emotional security to be vulnerable in your close relationships and marriage. Your ideal partner helps you connect with your emotional side and encourages you to listen to your intuition every now and then. Ideally, your partner looks after you and they support you. You come across as reserved and serious, and other people who have warmer energy balance you out.

Aquarius Rising with Leo Descendant- your personality is different from others, maybe sometimes you feel like you don't belong with other people or you simply do the opposite of what others do. You are rebellious and do things the way you think is right. Maybe you can seem less approachable and more distant to people. You embody an intriguing blend of open-mindedness and progressiveness, all while maintaining an unemotional composure that can sometimes come across as aloofness. You may be forward thinker with opinions, but you are fixed, rigid nature can also come across as stubborn and dogmatic, if you are not careful. U are a very independent and freedom-loving person. You appear a bit unconventional and shy, but you have amazing ideas and you are smart. However, it can be hard for you to get support from others. The need for freedom of Aquarius can be challenging when it comes to relationships-you want to be attached and detached at the same time.

Leo Descendant-in a relationship you are looking for fun, openness, playfulness. You want a relationship where you can be seen. You learn to express yourself with warmth and genuine appreciation of others. This helps you connect with others more easily, and improves your relationships as well. It is one of the most important lessons of the descendant in Leo. For a long-term relationship to work out, your partner must recognize your need for independence and respect your boundaries. They have to understand that you need a lot of space in a relationship. You are not the right partner for clingy people with your descendant in Leo and ascendant in Aquarius. Your ideal partner also has to respect your need for making things better. Aquarius is all about rebellion and revolution. You are looking at old structures from a new perspective and wonder about topics like social equality and creating better systems. If your partner doesn’t understand the way your brain works, you sooner or later feel that you have to get out of the relationship. You expect to be the one and only in their life and you are not willing to put up with anything less than being treated as a royalty. Giving each other enough relationship is key in your close-relationships. Your ideal partner is a born leader. They are courageous, fun-loving, gregarious, enjoy attention. You possess these traits as well, but it takes time for you to discover them in yourself. Many people with their descendant in Leo enjoy being in the center of attention later in life. The seventh house in Leo indicates that you love being in the public eye.

Pisces Rising with Virgo Descendant- your personality is very dreamy and spiritual. You have a lot of compassion for others and you feel many things around you in a deep way. You can be in your subconscious most of the time. You can be hard to figure out because of the mysterious energy you give off. You can feel a lot of energies around you that are difficult to describe. Pisces Risings have a light aura and carry a pocket full of magic dust in their back pocket. The world can be difficult, but Pisces Risings know that creative joy can help them rise above. These folks have lived a life that requires extensive thought, and often they face experiences that are more than meets the eye. Pisces Risings have accepted that in many ways, life is what you make it—which is why they don’t hesitate to let the good times roll.

Virgo Descendant-You need someone to give you a shape in which you can exist in the physical world. People often perceive you as idealistic, gentle, soft-hearted, and they can feel that they have to protect you.You are attracted to people who are analytical, logical, intelligent, pay attention to the details. You hold the vision and your partner makes the plan and then executes it. In your ideal relationship, you help your partner connect with their soul and intuition, and they teach you how to be more practical and be better at things like running errands, preparing healthy food, time management, organization, taking care of yourself. In the relationship, you come up with an idea and your partner plans the details. One of the things you need to watch out for is giving up yourself for your partner. Pisces is soft, compassionate, and it is prone to people-pleasing. Unless there are some placements in your chart that make you more assertive, you can give in too easily and prioritize the needs of your partner even if it doesn’t feel right. Your intuition is probably strong as a Pisces rising, make sure you listen to it.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

-Rebekah🪐🍓✨

[zaczenemiji]

Where reader  beg Kenji to let her do her makeup on him and he all pout the entire time but he secretly likes it

Glam Before the Slam

Kenji Sato x Reader

Word Count: 1,435

Genre/Warning: Established Relationship, Fluff, Makeover

Author’s Note: This felt like Kenji’s GRWM and him looking bonita 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ ᰔᩚ

MASTERLIST

You were so so excited for Kenji’s upcoming big interview tonight, and you, being the supportive girlfriend that you are, were more than willing to help in your own way.

Kenji stood in front of the mirror, combing his hair for what felt like the hundredth time. The Grand Slam Show was just a few hours away, and the nerves were starting to get to him.

“You look handsome,” you said, creeping up on him and hugging him from behind. You tiptoed so your chin could rest on his shoulder and stare at him in the mirror.

“I know what’s missing,” you told him, referring to the unending combing of his hair. He's been doing that for the past minutes, trying to get things to look right.

But if he asked you, you’d tell him he didn’t have to change anything because he already looked perfect. He was the most handsome guy in the world and nothing can change your mind.

“What is it?” He asked, his form relaxing and leaning back into your smaller figure.

You smiled as you circled his body, arms still wrapped around him until you were in front of him. You let go to lean on his your vanity table in his room, pulling one of the drawers out to show your makeup essentials.

Kenji crossed his arms, the corners of his mouth tugging into a familiar pout. "I don't do makeup, (y/n)."

"Please," you pleaded, stepping closer and giving him your best puppy-dog eyes. "Just this once. For me?"

Kenji sighed, his resolve already crumbling. He could never say no to you when you looked at him like that. "Fine," he muttered, “but just this once."

Or so he thought.

You beamed, guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed. He settled down reluctantly, still pouting but clearly resigned to his fate.

“Aren’t we going to do this in front of the mirror?” He asked, looking up at you.

You shook your head. “No because I know that you’d just go against everything,” you said, chuckling and giving him a kiss on his forehead.

“First, before applying your makeup, we’ll need to moisturize,” from the vanity drawer within reach, you took out a small bottle and showed it to him. It’s important that he knows what’ll be applied to his face.

“Intense renewal serum,” he read. He looked up at you to see your eyes sparkling with excitement.

With the dropper, you put some on his forehead and under his eyes before spreading it on his face using your fingers.

“Next, we’ll create a base,” you said. “This would control the oil on your face.”

“Oil blocker ex,” he read. You scooped a small amount with your fingers and applied it to his face.

“Alright, the base is done,” you said, placing the primer on the table. “We’ll now put…” you paused, rummaging through the drawer. “Foundation!” You held it close to his face for him to read.

“Gel creamy foundation,” he said.

“Very good!” you chuckled. “You’re so good at reading.”

You pumped it twice on your hand, leaving two dots of foundation on it. Afterward, you gently ran a brush over it and then applied it to Kenji’s face.

He closed his eyes, his lips still set in a stubborn line. As the brush moved across his face, his pout gradually softened, and he began to relax.

After applying the foundation, you grab a sponge and pat it on his face; this process really makes a difference. “This would even your skin tone,” you told him.

You leaned back to check him. “Your skin looks really good!” you said, smiling at him. At that moment, he felt like he fell in love with you again. He does every time he sees you happy.

Next, you held the concealer in front of him, waiting for him to read it.

“Skin reflect fresh concealer,” he said.

“You’re going to look so good on camera,” you said, leaning close. You used the other side of the sponge to dab it and blend it on his face, covering any signs of tiredness.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, but you noticed the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

“To finish up the base, we’ll use this,” you said, holding up yet again another product in front of him.

“Invisible essence loose powder translucent,” he read, chuckling afterward. “That’s a long one.”

Using a big brush, you applied the powder lightly to set everything in place. “There you go,” you said, holding him below his jaw.

“We’re done?” Kenji asked.

“No, but I’m gonna let you have a water break,” you answered. “Mina, please get him a glass of water.”

As the two of you waited for Mina, you went over the vanity to place back the items you’ve used and to take out the ones you’ll be using next.

This time, it was his turn to hug you from behind. He gave little tickling kisses on your neck. “Stop!” You said, laughing and squirming away from his embrace. “You’re gonna ruin your makeup!”

“Here is the wa— oh,” Mina said, pausing when she saw the two of you.

You finally escaped his arms, still laughing as you took a step back. You thanked Mina as Kenji took the glass, drank the water, and handed it back to Mina.

Kenji then returned to sit on the edge of the bed, letting you continue. “I’m going to contour the sides of your nose, your jawline, and your cheeks,” you said, walking towards him.

“Shading powder,” he read the product.

You used the included brush in the palette to apply the product to the areas you mentioned.

“Suck in your cheeks,” you told him as you were about to apply contour on his cheeks. Surprisingly, he did as told but you could see him trying hard to hold back a smile.

"Almost done," you said, reaching for an eyebrow pencil to define his brows slightly.

He opened one eye to peek at you, his expression softening. "This really necessary?" he asked, though his tone was more curious than annoyed.

"Absolutely," you replied with a grin, stepping back to admire your handiwork. "You look amazing."

You took his hand, “Don’t open your eyes yet,” and guided him back to the mirror. “Okay, you can look now.”

Kenji opened his eyes, looking at himself in the mirror. His expression shifted from skepticism to surprise. "I do look different," he admitted, turning his head to get a better look. "Better, I guess."

You smiled, feeling a warm rush of satisfaction. “You already looked the best even before the makeup,” you said. "You're going to knock 'The Grand Slam Show' out of the park."

Kenji chuckled, finally letting a genuine smile break through his pout. "Thanks, (y/n)."

He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your forehead, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze. "I appreciate it. Really.”

You stare up at him lovingly, knowing that he secretly loved every moment of being pampered by you.

When you guys arrived on the set, you made sure to apply a bit of lipstick on Kenji so he wouldn’t look pale.

“Thanks, (y/n),” leaning in for a kiss but you held your hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Micro kiss only,” you said as you gently pressed your lips on his so as to not ruin his lipstick.

Bonus Scene: The Grand Slam Show

"So, Kenji, you've been having an incredible season so far," the host said, leaning forward with a grin. "But I have to say, you're looking particularly sharp today. What's your secret?"

Kenji chuckled, a blush creeping up his cheeks as he glanced at you in the audience.

"Well, I have to give credit where it's due," he said, a playful smile forming on his lips. "My girlfriend actually did my makeup for me today."

The host raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Really? That's fantastic! Tell us more."

Kenji's smile widened, and he looked directly into the camera, his eyes twinkling. "Yeah, she insisted on it. Said I needed to look my best for the cameras. And honestly, I think she did a great job."

The host laughed, clapping his hands together.” Well, she certainly did. You look amazing. Shoutout to Kenji's girlfriend for the excellent work!"

Kenji nodded, his expression softening. “Thanks, babe," he said sincerely. “Couldn't have done it without you."

The audience let out a collective "aww" and applauded, and Kenji couldn't help but grin, feeling a warmth in his chest.

From that day on, in every interview, you became his personal makeup artist.

Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots

@sweetangle8 @eternallyvenus @puppyminnnie @wattpadsuckssohard @sakura-onesan @reggies-eyeliner @buggs-1 @miffysoo @spencerrxids @stupidbutsmart

[linatheweirdooo]

V's glasses: an analysis about how a single item tells a story.

The glasses are a symbol of the old V. The weak drone at the Elliot manor who was taken advantage of by the solver, who couldn't stand up for herself.

Seeing her glasses shattered by the solver seems like she lost that part of herself. It seemed like a loss, the start of her decent into insanity. But when N puts them on later in episode 5, she sees what she's doing, and for the first time tries to fight though the solver in her head.

Obviously, it still didn't work, and that was kind of the last we see of this V. After this, she got turned I a disassembly drone and starred to loose her mind over how weak she used to be and her obsession with proving she isn't that person anymore.

She spends the rest of the show trying to protect N, but too scared of telling him why, which buried her deeper into this hole she dug for herself and she unintentionally hurt the one she was trying to protect.

Things will never be the same again. But the next time she wears her glasses in episode 8, it's an important moment I don't think enough people talk about. The glasses are shattered, like her old self.

But she still wore them. Because she finally came to terms with the past. And when she wore the glasses, she was able to use the strength and weaknesses in both versions of herself.

She cares about the people she loves most, who are N and now, Uzi too. She'll do anything to protect them. The selflessness she had in the past comes back as her sacrifice, while her current day strength is able to stand up to the sentinels.

And because she's now come to terms with that fact. Now that she stopped hiding her past and is able to grow and change, when her glasses get shattered by the sentinels, she doesn't try to stop them. The past is in the past.

The glasses aren't her anymore, V is herself. V is the powerful and strong willed disassembly drone she is now, but she's also kind, and the people she loves are everything to her. The glasses no longer represent what V lost at the manor.

V has finally accepted herself, with all her strengths and weaknesses.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Jason who’d make sure you ate and drink throughout the day but does it in the most nonchalant way, as though he had been doing it for ages, whether it’d be a greasy bag of junk food or something he made from scratch, all he’s going to leave you is with the stern command of ‘eat.’

He’s making sure you’re not skipping any important meals, and if you were then he was more likely to scold you while making you something to eat and drink. He’s confusing but he’s caring at the same time and had a unique way of showing it as you’d find from Roy.

‘He just wants you to be okay, he’s just rough with how he shows it but he means well.’ He’d say to you and from then on you’d watch as Jason’s eyes went from stern to concerned and how his posture completely changed into one that was eager to help you before it was too late, almost as though he was on a timer.

Even his stiff pats on your shoulder were oddly comforting and sweet coming from a man who didn’t think he was that hopeful and bright young man anymore, but he was, he very much was but he was just drastically altered to adapt to his new life.

Dick who will sit by you in silence when you least expect it, almost as though he knew you’d needed some comfort but not the talking aspect of it.

He’d stay close enough where you could feel his warmth, but keep a distance so you didn’t feel as though you were being suffocated by his presence.

He’s more then willing to listen to you speak about what you’ve been finding hard as of late and let you air out all your frustrations, not once offer any advice unless you asked for it and when you do it’s the most meaningful piece of advice you’ve ever been given. He’s been though a lot himself so he’s more then equipped to help you and would even offer you to a friendly spar to get the access aggression out.

Damian who’d secretly have a sketchbook dedicated to you that is filled to the brim with you doing the most mundane things possible, but he highlights you in such a way that it almost seemed as though he was romanticising your actions.

He never shows you it, not until you voice how you didn’t feel valued or loved or appreciated in the slightest and suddenly he’s expecting the most normal thing in his entire life; embarrassment incase you’d find him weird for having so many sketches of you.

He smiles when you smile and finds himself wanting to be more open with his emotions but only if it’s with you.

Bruce who’d always tends to your every injury himself, even if it was a tiny paper cut he’s treating it as though your finger was hanging on by a thread.

He’s had his fair share of injuries but they’re often more severe then the ones you get, but he treats them with the same level of seriousness, that you couldn’t help but smile at his furrowed brows as he tended to the small bruise on your upper arm.

He’s tender and calloused hands worked swiftly to preach you up and he would even give your plastered wound a healing kiss, claiming it would help speed up the healing process. He was sweet and doting with you and your minor injuries that he’s covering the corners of every countertop and table within your vicinity, and or helping you up from under things incase you’d hit your head.

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ

Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.