#the meet in the snow in her backyard

[sapphic-woes]

I rlly feel crappy not being able to write cuz of my mental state rn. But on the bright side, I named the vampire Olwyn :)

[misspygmypie]

A One-ce Upon A Time Celebration

Part of the "Meet & Greet... and more?" Universe Pairing: Lando Norris x reader, Lando Norris x Baby Maebry, Max F x Maebry Charles and Oscar make an appearance :) Words: 1647 Request: By the lovely @landossainz "for meet and greet universe, can you write where it is Maebry's first birthday and they celebrate it with their families and friends." Masterlist

Please do not repost, thank you, and leave some feedback :)

On this special day the Norris family backyard was transformed into a fairytale wonderland. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the sound of joyful laughter as Lando and Y/N prepared for a celebration that would mark their daughter Maebry’s very first birthday. Their chosen theme, “One-ce Upon a Time,” promised to be a magical day and they had spared no costs in bringing their vision to life.

Lando was the epitome of Prince Charming in an outfit that looked like it had been plucked from a storybook. His ensemble featured a dazzling jacket with golden embroidery, a crisp white shirt and a smile that seemed to outshine everything. He moved with pride, his heart swelling each time he glanced at his little princess.

Y/N, ever the elegant queen, was dressed in a flowing pastel gown that shimmered with every step she took. The gown was adorned with delicate embroidery of magical creatures and enchanted forests and her crown of flowers added a touch of fairytale magic. She floated through the garden, her eyes twinkling with happiness as she greeted guests and ensured that everything was perfect for their daughter.

Maebry, the star of the day, was a vision of cuteness in her stunning gown of layered yellow tulle and blue ribbons, resembling her favorite Disney princess: Snow White. Her head was topped off with a giant red bow that made her look every bit the princess she was wanting to be. Her tiny red shoes twinkled with each step she took and her face was a picture of wonder as she explored her “One-ce Upon a Time” world.

Noah was dressed as a brave knight, his silver armor shining in the sun. He had a toy sword strapped to his side and his little chest puffed with pride as he took his role as protector of his baby sister very seriously. He was the guardian of the day, always nearby to defend Maebry from any imaginary dragons or mischievous trolls that might dare to disrupt the celebration.

The garden buzzed with excitement as guests arrived to experience the fairytale wonderland. There was a “Royal Tea Party” corner where children and adults alike could enjoy tiny pastries and sip from small teacups. A “Prince and Princess” dress-up area especially made the little ones happy, they were able to pick crowns and capes to join the royal festivities. Nearby, a “Storybook Reading” nook featured comfy cushions and enchanting tales read by Y/N’s close friends, adding an extra touch of magic to the day.

Lando’s parents, who had traveled to Monaco from Bristol to celebrate their granddaughter’s special day, were absolutely besotted with Maebry. Cisca had been knitting a blanket for Maebry since before she was born. Today she was thrilled to finally present it to her granddaughter, her eyes brimming with tears of joy.

“Look at this beautiful girl,” Cisca cooed as she wrapped the soft blanket around Maebry. “I’ve been working on this for so long and it’s finally here. You truly are our little princess, darling.”

Maebry giggled as she felt the softness of the blanket, reaching out to touch her grandmother’s face. Lando’s father Adam, with a proud grin, showed off pictures of Maebry to the other guests. “Have you seen these? She’s grown so much since the last time we saw her. And just look at her in that gown!”

A group of Lando’s Formula 1 friends arrived, among them Max Verstappen with his girlfriend Kelly and daughter Penelope, Carlos Sainz, Daniel Ricciardo and also Charles Leclerc who immediately started gushing over Maebry.

“Wow, Lando, she’s absolutely adorable,” Charles said as he crouched down to Maebry’s level. “Are you sure she’s only one? She’s already got her own fan club.”

Maebry’s giggles grew louder as Charles made playful faces and he gently lifted her into his arms, rocking her back and forth. “This little princess is stealing all our hearts today.”

Oscar Piastri, Lando’s teammate, also made a grand entrance and immediately made a beeline for the “Prince and Princess” dress-up area, where he enthusiastically took a toy crown and cape, playfully pretending to be a prince alongside Maebry.

“Look at me, I’m the prince of this land,” Oscar declared with a grin, playfully spinning around. “And I’ve got the best little princess by my side!”

Lando, watching the interaction with a smile, was surprised at first. Oscar was usually more of a quiet type but everytime he was around Maebry he turned into the fun uncle instantly. 

“Thanks for coming, everyone,” Lando said eventually to the other drivers, “it means a lot to us that you’re here to share this day with us. Maebry’s been looking forward to celebrating with all of you.”

Charles waved a hand dismissively. “It’s our pleasure! We wouldn’t miss it for the world. And you know, she’s already got us all wrapped around her little finger.”

“Absolutely,” Oscar added, adjusting his crown, “she’s the real star of the show. I think we might have to make her our team’s official mascot!”

Maebry’s birthday party was in full swing and one guest was extra excited. Max Fewtrell, Lando’s best friend and Maebry’s godfather, had been eagerly waiting for the perfect moment to present his special gift. Dressed in a perfect Flynn Ryder outfit Max smiled as he approached Lando and Y/N, who was holding Maebry.

“Hey, guys,” Max called out, catching Lando’s eye. “Can I borrow Maebry for a moment?”

Y/N, not hesitating at all, gently handed Maebry over to him. “Of course, she’s been looking forward to seeing her favorite uncle.”

Max cradled Maebry in his arms, his face lighting up and everyone could see how much he adored her. “I’ve got something really special for you, little one,” he directed at the girl just as he was sitting down at a table. “It’s not every day you turn one, after all.”

He reached into a large, pink gift bag and carefully pulled out a beautifully crafted storybook. The book was bound in rich, deep blue leather with gold lettering on the cover that read, “Maebry’s Magical Adventures.” It featured illustrations of mythical creatures, enchanted forests and twinkling stars.

“Look at this,” Max said, showing the book to Maebry as she gazed up at him with wide, curious eyes. “I had this made just for you.”

Max opened the book to reveal its contents, which were not only filled with personalized stories but also featured memories of Max and Maebry together. The first few pages contained charming tales of a brave little princess who looked remarkably like Maebry, embarking on magical quests and discovering new lands. Each story was accompanied by illustrations that included subtle nods to special moments Max and Maebry had shared so far, like their first meeting or a day spent playing in the park.

On the final page was a special dedication from Max, written in elegant script:

To Maebry, my dearest goddaughter,

May this book be the start of many magical adventures. Whenever you open it, remember that you are loved beyond measure and that there is always a world of wonder waiting for you. With all my love,

Max

Max’s voice softened as he continued, “I thought this would be a great way for you to have a little piece of magic with you every night as you grow up. And when you’re older you can read the stories together with your parents. It’ll be a special keepsake from your first birthday.”

Maebry’s eyes widened in delight as she traced the gold lettering on the cover. Lando and Y/N watched and Y/N couldn’t hold back the tears from forming in her eyes. “That’s an amazing gift, Max,” Lando said. “You’ve really outdone yourself.”

Max looked up at his best friend, his eyes shining with sincerity. “She’s my goddaughter, after all. I want her to have something magical to remember this day by and something she can cherish as she grows up. I’ve been showering her with gifts and little surprises since she was born and I’m not going to stop, ever, but I wanted this to be extra special.”

Y/N reached out and gave Max a heartfelt hug. “Thank you, Max. It’s perfect. Maebry will treasure it forever.”

Max carefully placed the book into Y/N’s hands and she held it close to Maebry. “I hope you love it as much as I loved picking it out for you,” he said softly, giving the girl a loving kiss on her cheek.

Maebry clapped her hands with joy, her eyes sparkling as she gazed at her new book but soon Max whisked her away to rejoin the birthday activities.

As the sun began to set Lando and Y/N took a moment to themselves. They watched as Maebry played with the other kids, her eyes sparkling with happiness. Lando’s gaze, however, was not just filled with pride, it was also tinged with just a touch of sadness.

“It’s hard to believe my little princess is already one,” Lando said softly. “It feels like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. Watching her grow up so fast… it’s both wonderful and a little heartbreaking.”

Y/N noticed the look in Lando’s eyes and gently took his hand. “I know,” she said, her voice soothing. “It’s incredible how quickly time passes. But look at her now, she’s so happy, surrounded by people who love her. We’ve made so many beautiful memories already and there are so many more to come.”

Lando nodded, his gaze returning to his daughter as she giggled. “You’re right. Today has been perfect and I’m so proud of her. I just wish time didn’t move so quickly.”

“We can’t stop time but we can cherish every moment,” Y/N smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

________

AN: Thank you so so much for requesting this @landossainz UGH I was so excited to write this, I may have gone a biiit over the top lol! I hope you like it and if not let me know and I can rewrite 😊🫶

Taglist: @eloriis @pacifierbby @landossainz @littlegrapejuice @barcelonaloverf1life @poppyflower-22 @itsjustfranzi @vickykazuya @sltwins

[azsazz]

Lost

Vampire!Azriel x Human!Reader

Summary: Azriel's worried he's drunk you dry.

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1,022

Notes: Woohoo, look at that. Finished it already. Directly follows Might Bite Back

_________________________________________

Azriel goes the only place he can think of.

He’s long since forgotten the feeling of cold. Of the wind spilling chills down his frail, human skin. Of the sting in his nose, the bite in his chest with every inhale of the crisp, winter air. Of the prickles of blood returning to frozen fingertips after spending too long in the snow.

But the night has always been his safe place, since even before he was turned. The familiarity of the moon looking over him would normally ease the knots in his stomach, the urge to flee in his veins.

 If he could feel right now, it’d be the rolling of his stomach with sickness. It’d be embarrassment, a white-hot lance of regret burning through his blood for the things he’s swore he’d never do to you, lying unconscious on his settee before the fire, your pulse slow and your breathing shallow, tow punctures in your neck.

It doesn’t take long to get where he’s going. It’s a path he’s taken many times, through the winding trees of the forest his home resides in. Deep in the thicket of the Night Court forest between the Steppes and Velaris, bordering the Prison. It’s up in the mountains where he belongs, the very same ones that house other wild beasts just like him; the ones who should never be let out of their cages.

He lost his cool tonight. Went too long without feeding because you hold his interest all too well. It’s been like that since day one, even though he keeps himself scarce for your safety.

Fucking fat lot it’s done tonight.

Azriel can still taste you in his mouth. Not your sweet little cunt, but your blood. He swipes his tongue over his lips, chasing the delectable flavor.

His marred hands shake, because with just one drop of you, he knows he’s addicted to you.

It settles in his bones just like it had when he had the realization that he’d become the very thing he swore he’d never become. Azriel has known that you are the very thing he’s been destined to find, and he’s been very strict on himself, keeping away from you, giving you nothing but the cold, empty shell he’s been for hundreds of centuries. He’s been addicted since you wandered into his senses, the thunder of your blood calling to him like a beacon, the unmoving heart in his chest rattling with a recognition only he seemed to feel.

Azriel’s not even had close to his fill. The nagahound he drained on the way hasn’t done anything to satiate his hunger, not like your blood had. He can’t stop thinking about it, about the warmth, its heady taste, it’s fruity scent. He’d felt like a man again, despite the irony of the situation.

He emerges from the trees, landing in the backyard of the towering home of his High Lord. Azriel stumbles on weak knees like an Illyrian babe just learning how to fly. Once he rights his footing, he sprints for the doors.

The warmth of the faelights spilling across the cobblestones are a welcoming view. They always are, especially when he feels like he’s spent years too long hiding away in his secluded home, away from the hustle and bustle of the City of Starlight. All of his other clan members reside here, but their company has never interested him. Not when they’ve all become respectable parts of the city of night.

Rhysand meets him at the door, the High Lord’s hearing keener than most. He already knows there’s something wrong by Azriel’s stature. The dilation of his pupils, eyes mostly black instead of the familiar and less-than-friendly hazel. The clear flush to his skin after a feeding, the pale glow of his skin golden with the obvious signs of ingesting human blood instead of animal blood and there’s a scent clinging to him that is utterly human.

“Azriel—”

“You have to help her.”

Rhysand startles at the rawness of Ariel’s request. His frantic gaze searches his High Lord’s, hands that he always hides reaching up to grasp onto Rhysand’s to drag him over the threshold. They hit the invisible barrier keeping him from moving into the house to shake his High Lord into action, having not have been invited into the house. Azriel bares his fangs, mind still a spinning loss of thoughts about you and your well-being.

“Help who?” Rhysand asks. He doesn’t bother inviting his friend inside. He stalks out into the night, joining his brother.

Azriel’s plea is broken. “Please.”

Rhysand has only seen Azriel like this one time. The night he was turned into the creature he is now. Pain fills his voice, tightening his throat, dark brows knitted together in a distressed manner. There are often instances where Rhysand wishes that his stoic friend would show some semblance of emotion, but this gut-wrenching one is not the one he wishes to see.

“Okay,” he consoles, using the way Azriel is clinging to him help with their trip back. His shadowsinger’s fingers are digging deeply into his skin, through his finely pressed jacket and nearly breaking his skin. There’s a pinch of pain when his blunt nail does break skin, but Rhysand refrains from saying anything. He will heal, and fast. The human Azriel is leading him to will not. “I will help you, Azriel.”

On a whisp of nighttime, the pair appear on Azriel’s porch.

Azriel growls at the magical powers that keep them from entering homes that they do not own.

“Get inside,” he spits, more to the house than his High Lord, leading the way through the door as quickly as he can. “She’s in the sitting room, before the hearth. She needs help,” he directs, leading the way to where he’s left you.

In Azriel’s haste to get inside, he’s failed to realize one very important thing. It’s the one thing Rhysand catches, halting in his tracks, trying to calm the hellhound that is his shadowsinger when he spins on his heel and snaps his fangs at him.

“Azriel, there is no one here.”

[flemingsfreckles]

First Snow

Synopsis: based on this request!

Warning: none, mention of showering together (non-sexual nudity) but nothing descriptive

WC: 2.1k

A/N: hi, I had some personal stuff happen which pretty much ruined my motivation for writing, I wasn’t even sure I’d ever be posting on this account again… but here we are.

“Okay do you have a coat packed?”

“Yeah it’s right here.” You pull out the two hoodies, one of Jessie’s that you had stolen and one of your own.

Jessie just stares at you. “Babe.”

“What?” You shrug as you shove the sweatshirts back into your suitcase.

“I mean a real coat. A winter coat.” She grabs a large puffy coat out of her own bag and holds it up to you.

“That is what I wear in the winter.” You point at the blue and green hoodies that still suck out of your bag.

“Yeah, in Australia, Canada isn’t Australia.” Jessie throws her hands out, looking in confusion at you.

“It’ll be fine!” You brush her off with a wave of your hand.

“No, you’ll be cold.”

“It can’t be that cold.” Jessie just shakes her head at you, a smile creeping across her face. She’d just let you figure out how cold it was on your own.

Turns out, it was that cold. You felt it in your lungs as soon as you stepped off the plane. Jessie took a deep breath as if she was enjoying the sharp sting of the air in her lungs. She must have noticed the way your breath got caught in your throat.

“Cold eh?”

“I mean it’s fine.” You couldn’t let her have the satisfaction of being right already.

“Good because this isn’t even cold yet.” Your eyes widened at her words.

When you arrived at Jessie’s childhood home she gave you a quick tour before she stopped at a window looking out into the backyard. “See the lake?” She says peering over your shoulder and pointing out.

“Yes.”

“It’s frozen.”

“No shit.” You say, grin on your face. You could see the water wasn’t moving, you could tell it had frozen over.

“That’s how cold it gets.” Jessie whispers in your ear. You roll your eyes at her. She turns, giving you a quick smile before walking away and down the stairs to find her parents.

You spent the evening in the living room with Jessie’s parents. You’d met them a few times, at the World Cup, again at the Olympics, a few times when they had visited Jessie when she lived in London, but this was your first time in Canada and your first time meeting them in their own home.

Jessie’s family was warm and welcoming just as they had been every time you had met them prior. The four of you sat around the table having dinner before quickly moving to play cards where Jessie was teased about being overly competitive, a trait of hers you knew all too well.

“Did you see it’s supposed to snow tonight?” Jessie’s mom asks, directing her question to no one specifically.

“Really?” Your girlfriend pipes up, looking excitedly between you and her mom. “She’s never seen a real snow.” Jessie sticks her finger in your direction.

“I have.” You quickly defend yourself. You had always lived by the beach, and while it cooled down in the winter, never enough for a snow storm. London commonly rained, you’d only gotten a light snowing last year.

You had rolled over in the middle of the night to see the streetlights illuminating the tiny dots falling. You had immediately sat up, poking your knee into the thigh of your girlfriend. “Jess.” She shifted but didn’t open her eyes so you tried again. “Jessie, wake up.” You shoved her a bit harder, leaning down to kiss her forehead, hopefully easing the mood you knew she’d be in for you waking her up. “Babe.”

“What?” Jessie’s voice heavy with sleep mumbled out at you. She kept her eyes closed but tilted her head in the direction of your voice.

“It’s snowing, I’ve never seen snow.” At the sound of your words, you’re met with Jessie’s brown eyes. A small smile breaks onto her face as she watches you look excitedly between her and the window. That smile immediately fades when she herself turns to see what would be considered no snow by Canadian standards.

“Look!” You point, sitting up to watch out the window, still excited seeing the flakes fall for the first time.

“Oh babe.” Jessie gently rubs your back as she softly shakes her head. “That’s hardly a snow, it won’t even be on the ground by morning.”

“Oh.” You feel the smile fade on your face, you hadn’t known, in your mind you had expected to walk out to white covered streets in the morning.

“Come here.” Jessie grabbed your arm gently pulling you down into her embrace. She adjusted before gently kissing your forehead just as you had done to wake her up. “I promise, I’ll take you to see real snow some day.”

“The eighth of an inch we got in London doesn’t count, I’ve told you that.” Jessie jokingly rolled her eyes at you. “You’ll get to hopefully see real snow while we’re here.”

It wasn’t long until you and Jessie had called it a night, feeling tired from the long travel day, you both cuddled into Jessie’s bed, under piles of blankets and drifted into sleep.

“Get up.” You feel Jessie’s sharp elbow poking into your side, you roll over and try to register why she’d be waking you up in the middle of the night.

“What?”

“Get up, get dressed, we’re doing something.” She whispers to you before clicking on the bedside lamp.

You flip over again, staring at the freckled face before you. “You’re joking right?” The alarm clock sitting behind Jessie’s curls tells you it’s 2:47 in the morning, you can’t fathom why she’d be waking you up at this hour.

“No, get up.” She yanks the blanket off of your body making you squeal at the sudden chill. “Dress warmly.” She says as she walks over to where her suitcase was sprawled on the ground and begins getting changed. You watch as she strips from her sleeping shirt and shorts. “Quit staring.” Jessie teased when she turns and catches you watching her change. You felt your face flush and you broke your eyes away from her freckle covered skin to move to your own suitcase. Jessie tosses an actual winter coat in your direction, insisting you put it on. You quickly get dressed and follow Jessie out of her room and down the stairs.

“Come here.” Jessie turns you facing toward her before she holds up a blindfold. “Can I put this on you? I want to show you a surprise.”

“Yeah.” You say as she gently slides the blindfold over your eyes.

“You can’t see right?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, we’re gonna walk, I’ve got you though.” Jessie stands by your side, her arm wrapping tightly around your waist. You feel her start to gently pull you and you follow her step by step slowly through the house. You hear the sound of a lock and a door opening and you’re suddenly hit in what little exposed skin you have by a rush of freezing air.

“Okay, step carefully out.” You follow her instructions and hear the door close behind you. Jessie’s fingers find the edges of the blindfold and she gently pulls it up, revealing a sight like no other to you.

The backyard was covered in a thick layer of snow, real snow. The same real snow that continued to fall from the sky. The same snow that you felt melting as it hit your already rosy cheeks. You turned to Jessie, the flakes catching in her hair, her cheeks equally rosy and her smile as big as can be.

You pull your eyes away from admiring Jessie’s face and you start to look around. You were standing in what was probably 6 inches of snow, admiring the way the trees were glistening in the moonlight, the way everything seemed peaceful. It was like you were living inside of a snow globe.

“Wow.” The only word you’re able to come up with as you continue to look around with wide eyes, feeling a sense of childlike excitement in your stomach, the same feeling you’d get trying to go to sleep the night before your birthday, or the sense of adventure you had when you’d get on a plane and feel it lift from the ground. Everything around you was blanketed in the fluff.

You’re pulled out of your admiration for the view by the feeling of something hitting your side before it disintegrates. You turn to Jessie, looking guilty with another ball of snow in her hand.

“Don’t you dare.” You hold a hand out at her and before you can get another word out, she flings the ball at you hitting you square in the chest, some of it coming up to hit your face as it explodes. “You’re gonna pay for that Fleming.” You say before you lunge at her.

Jessie manages to slip from your grip and she takes off running around the yard. You suddenly learn it’s a lot harder to run through snow than it looks. You stumble every couple of steps while Jessie snickers to herself as she watches you chase after her. You manage to hit her with your own amateur snowballs a few times, catching her legs and her back before she turns on you and it’s now you running from her.

Your lack of experience in snowboots and the snow catch up to you and within a minute Jessie’s arms have wrapped around your midsection and you both trip ending up in a tangled pile on the ground. You’re both laughing as you recover from the chaos, feeling yourself sink into the white layer around you. You shiver at the contrast in feeling the cold snow on your back, neck, and down your legs while Jessie’s body heat keeps your front warm.

“I told you it’s cold.” Jessie says, pushing herself up slightly to look at you, a smug look across her face.

“Ehh it’s not too bad.” You try to play it off, it was a lot colder than you expected.

The girl above you leans in, placing her lips on yours and you revel in the warmth of her kiss. “You’re lucky I lent you a jacket.” She says as she rolls off to lay beside you. She doesn’t say anything before starting to swing her legs outward before repeating a similar action with her arms swinging them down to her sides then back up again.

You look over, admiring the love of your life. The way her curls peaked out from under the hat she wore. You started at how the snowflakes caught in her hair, making it sparkle. You admired her rosy cheeks, both from chasing each other around and from the cold air. What you admired the most was the way she was smiling. Her eyes would flutter open, looking up at the snow falling for a moment before closing again, all while she had a huge grin across her face. You loved seeing her this happy, this carefree, this was your Jessie.

“You’ve got a staring problem today.” She teases you again just as she had while she was changing. “Copy what I’m doing.” You don’t ask why, you never had to with Jessie, she said jump you did have to ask how high, you just would, you trusted her, whatever she asked, you’d do your best. So you do, you mimic her movements swinging your own legs and arms.

Jessie stands up, offering out her hand to you, she helps you stand and turns back to face where you had been lying. “Snow angels.” She nods her head at the imprints your bodies had made. You go to answer but when you open your mouth your teeth chatter. Jessie laughs, looking over at you as you shiver.

“Alright, time to go in.” Still holding your hand she pulls you inside where you both take off the big puffy coats, still left in cold clothing. You leave your boots at the mat and follow Jessie back up the stairs and into her childhood bedroom. She moves into the bathroom that was joined between Jessie’s bedroom and what was formerly her sister's bedroom. You hear the shower start running.

“Come, we’ll warm up in the shower.” She says as she begins to strip off her own cold and wet layers. You follow in suit before climbing into the steaming water. The two of you shower together, warming back up slowly between the steaming water and Jessie’s presence, before dressing again in your clothes. You climb into bed, eager to get back into the warm layers of blankets while Jessie moves to her window, adjusting the curtains so that you could watch the snow falling. She then cuddles up behind you in bed, her arms wrapping around your waist, holding you tight against her front.

“I promised I’d show you a real snow.”

[sp0o0kylights]

Steve’s mother was the black sheep of her family.

Stella hated the snow, and the isolation of the small town she grew up in. Hated the bright colors, and sheer friendliness of the neighbors. How everyone was always involved in each other’s business, at all times--and how getting involved meant sharing.

Giving up your time for the greater good.

‘We’re one big family!’ Her father had told her, and hadn’t understood why she found the concept utterly revolting.

Just like she couldn’t understand why they never agreed with her ideas. Things would run so much more smoothly with more rules, better regulations. They didn’t need to rely on magic when they had spreadsheets.

Who cared if some people were upset? If some of the workers where put out of jobs, or “hurt” by her changes?

That was how evolution worked.

The strongest survived, and the business world demanded only the strongest of leaders.

She didn’t regret leaving.

Didn’t look behind her for a second, all too happy to go to college and find herself a rich man to make miserable.

Even had a child, though they were never her favorite things. Her Steven of course, would be so much different from the children she’d grown up among or the ones she helped oversee for her father's work.

He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t shriek or scream or make demands of busy adults. Steven would know his place, and he would stay in it until he had grown into a reasonable adult.

No unrealistic expectations, not from her son.

And absolutely, 100%, no magic.

(Unfortunately for Stella Harrington and her relationship with her son, magic does not obey the whims of one person.

Particularly not that kind of magic, one far older than Stella could comprehend.)

See: Steve knew where he came from. Would never say it of course, outright refused to put a name to it.

Knew better, even when he was young, than to speak it aloud.

Though his mother had long abandoned any powers given to her, Steve was still born with his. When lonely, he often found he could wander into a different kind of woods. 

One absolutely covered in snow.

Steve should have been cold in those woods, but he never was, not even the first time he stumbled into them at the tender age of seven.

These trees never scared him. Not like the ones in his backyard sometimes did.

The whole place felt rather welcoming in a way his own house had never been, and as Steve had stumbled along following the faint glow of lights, he found himself feeling more relaxed.

Happy.

Even at seven, Steve was smart enough to know he needed to turn back, after a while. That his mother would be furious with him if he caused her to miss the meeting she needed to go to.

That he had a responsibility to be where she put him.

He hadn’t crested the hill yet. Hadn’t quite figured out where the glow was coming from, when he realized he needed to go home--but his trip wasn’t wasted.

A baby reindeer distracted him.

It peeked around a tree, and upon seeing him, came dashing his way.

Steve should be scared, would have been scared, but something in him told him this creature was his friend. He held out his hands and greeted it as such.

He was right.

A few more little reindeer came up over the hill, running around him, and together he played what felt like a game as he walked back in the direction he thought his house lay.

Said his goodbyes when the snow started to wane and made promises to return.

Found, sadly, that he wouldn’t get another chance too for almost a full year. He was too busy, signed up for multiple sports, handed over to tutors and taught life skills by a parade of nannies, none of whom ever stayed for long.

He dreamed of the snow.

The gentle way the woods felt.

It was what made him tell the lie that let him go back.

Steve was eight by then, and smart to how his parents and nannies worked. That some of them overlapped their stays when his parents went away.

So it was easy to tell Mary that she could go.

That it was okay, really. Carla had just called, she was on her way.

Just like it was easy to tell Carla that his parents' plans had changed. Let her know she wasn’t needed after all.

What harm would it do if he was alone for a night? His father kept telling him he was a big boy. Soon he’d be on his own anyway.

The snow found him faster this time, when he went for his walk in the woods.

Delighted, Steve kept an eye out for the reindeer, fingers skittering across tree bark as he looked around, once again tracking the soft glow that came up over the hill.

It was a long walk to that light, but Steve didn’t mind.

Not until he heard the crying.

“Hello?” Steve called, voice prim and proper as always. It was a little high--Tommy teased him endlessly about it, but he had been assured it would deepen.

The crying didn’t stop, but things got quiet for a moment, in the way that happens when someone was trying hard not to be found.

(Steve knew exactly how that felt, not wanting to be found. Wanting to cry for a moment, without someone telling you to toughen up, be a man, ‘God Steven you’re too old for all this--’)

“It’s okay!” Steve rushed out, trying to locate where the muffled sounds were coming from before they ran away. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise!”

Which is right about when he almost tripped over the other kid.

He was hunched against a tree, knees drawn into his chest with brown hair hanging into his eyes. His clothes were a odd--a little like how his teacher had made Steve dress when they’d done a play about the middle ages.

“Who’re you?” The boy asked defensively, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

“I’m Steve.” He said, before kneeling down himself. “Did you get hurt?”

“No.” The boy sniffled. After a moment he added; “M’ Eddie.”

His eyes were large, and reminded Steve of a puppy he once saw. All cute and round and shiny.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.” The boy said and it wasn’t an accusation, but it wasn’t friendly.

“I’m not from around here.” Steve told him. “At least, I don’t think I am.”

It was kind of hard to know, given Steve wasn’t sure where here was, exactly--and absolutely knew better than to ask his parents.

“Well then you should go home.” The boy sniffled again.

Steve wasn't put off by it. Tommy had been a lot meaner than this after all, when they'd first met. 

Given their parents made them play together anyways, Steve felt he he could get this kid to like him too. 

"I'm gonna, later. I'm looking for something right now though--you wanna come?" 

Which he felt was a pretty nice offer. Might distract Eddie from whatever was bothering him.

(Steve liked distractions, when he was upset. It made it a lot easier to swallow down the bad feelings.) 

“You shouldn’t hang around me.” Eddie said suddenly. His nose was as red as his eyes, and he refused to look Steve in the eye as he hunched further into himself. “I’m bad.”

“You’re not bad.” Steve told him. 

He got a glare for it.

“How would you know?”

“I dunno.” Steve stopped, brows furrowing in thought. “I just--kinda do. I always have.”

Which was true. Steve was awfully good at identifying who was good and who was bad, from adults to his fellow classmates. It had gotten him in trouble before his mother had sat him down, and told him he just had a good business sense.

That he needed to keep to himself who was good and who was bad, especially the adults, because it wasn’t his place to say such things.

(��But it’ll serve you well in the future.’ His mother told him, tucking an errant strand of hair back behind his ear. ‘Particularly for business deals.’)

“Well you’re wrong then, because I was born bad.” Eddie scoffed, arms crossing over his chest. “Everyone says so!”

It was dramatic as hell, and Steve couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him.

“I’m sorry!” He said immediately, when Eddie’s face flushed angrily. “I’m sorry it’s just--you look kinda silly.”

He mimed Eddie’s stance for a moment, including a dramatic little huff of breath. It unbalanced him, and Steve ended up dropping on his butt, which made him to laugh even louder.

“No one who does that can be bad.” He said finally, through the giggles. 

“That’s--stupid. You’re stupid.” Eddie said, except he was clearly trying to hide his own laugh at Steve’s antics.

“I’m not stupid--and you’re not bad. I promise.” Steve said, before reaching out a hand, one pinkie extended. “I’ll swear on it.”

“What’re you doing?” Eddie asked him, but he didn’t sound sad now. More curious. 

Curious Steve knew, was a lot better than sad. 

“You wrap your pinkie finger with mine. Then it’s a pinkie swear, which is like--unbreakable!”

That’s what Carol had told him at least, and so far it had held true. Steve figured it must work doubly so, in a place like this.

Cautiously, Eddie reached out, entwining his pinkie with Steve’s. Like any minute Steve would snatch his hand back, and tell him it was all a joke.

Instead, Steve bobbed their hands up and down once, before letting go and asking; “Do you wanna go find that light with me? I wanna see what it is.”

He pointed up the hill, toward the glow that had haunted his dreams.”

“Oh that’s boring.“ Eddie told him, but he had a grin on his face that felt infectious. “It’s just the town. I’ll show you something way better!”

“Yeah?” Steve asked, and let Eddie snatch his wrist, launching to his feet and bringing Steve with him.

In doing so his hair blew, revealing that he had pointed ears.

Steve stared at them in awe as Eddie tugged him further into the trees, until they burst into a clearing filled with gingerbread houses. They ranged from teeny tiny, to large enough that Steve and Eddie could walk in them, and it wasn’t long before the two started a game of tag, broken only by laughter. 

In retrospect, this was his downfall.

Because the little gingerbread houses were really cool, and Eddie was a lot of fun. It was easy to play with him--like the two of them had been made for each other.

Steve had never connected like this with a person before. Never had so much fun with someone before.

Not even with Tommy and Carol, his very best friends.

Eddie seemed to feel the same way, and not even an hour into meeting him, Steve knew he would remember this for the rest of his life.

Remember Eddie.

Steve ended up losing track of time. Stayed so long that his lie was discovered.

The person who came looking for him wasn’t his parents, but looked weirdly like his mom--if his mom were a boy.

He introduced himself as Steve’s Uncle Nick after he called the two boys to him, hands on his hips in a way Steve kind of wanted to mimic.

Steve knew it to be true, in the same way he knew how to find the forest, and if someone was good or bad. A feeling inside him he could tap into, warm and fuzzy in a way that, should he ever be pressed, he might admit to feeling like magic.

“Now how did you get here?” Uncle Nick asked him, like Steve's presence was a surprising little puzzle.

Knowing better than to lie, sensing that his Uncle would be able to tell if he did anyways, Steve told him the truth.

It got him exactly what he expected, which was an upset adult.

Unlike his mom or dad however, his Uncle didn’t yell at him, or grab Steve’s hand in a punishing grip. No nails dug into his skin, no harsh words were hissed. Uncle Nick simply pinched the tip of his nose, before giving a sigh that shook his massive frame.

“Your mom is going to be very upset.” He said finally.

Like Steve didn't know. 

“I just wanted to see the lights.”

“The lights--oh.” Uncle Nick glanced over his shoulder. “Could you see them from your house?”

Steve shook his head.

“No but I could feel them.”

Like a pulse in his chest. A compass, or--a guide.

“He says he can tell who's naughty or nice.” Eddie chimed in, oddly quiet for how loud he had been. “He says I’m good.”

This was said as a challenge, and Steve eyed his new friend out of the corner of his eye. He’d never dared speak to an adult like that, and was both a little in awe of Eddie doing it, and afraid for him.

Something his Uncle seemed to sense.

“Edward, go home.” He said, firm but kind.  Not like how Steve's mom was when she was mad, or his dad when he had a bad day at work.“I’ll come talk to you later. Come on Steve, let me walk you back. I best explain this in person.”

Then he took Steve’s hand in his, while Steve called out a goodbye to Eddie over his shoulder.

“You’ll come back and visit, right!?” Eddie yelled back. 

Steve shouted an affirmative, even knowing it wasn’t likely he’d be allowed.

(Wished with all his heart, that he'd be allowed.) 

“Eddie is really good, you know.” Steve said once he no longer could see his new friend, because it felt important to tell his Uncle that. Necessary, for some reason.

“I know.” Uncle Nick replied gently. “But let’s not worry about him right now, okay?”

“Okay.”

Then they were back in Steve’s woods, the ones that were sometimes unfriendly. In his backyard, and up to the door, and even from here Steve could hear his mother and father screaming at each other, in a tone that made his stomach curl.

“Come on kiddo. Time to face the music.” Uncle Nick told him, and Steve found he really didn’t want to let go of his Uncle’s hand.

He did though.

He was a big boy, and well trained. He didn’t flinch from his parents. Didn’t disobey when his mother demanded he tell her exactly how he got to the fun place, with all the snow--and listened further still when she demanded Uncle Nick take it out of him.

Take what Steve didn’t know--not until his Uncle lost the argument.

Reached into Steve’s chest and did something to him, something that killed that warm and fuzzy thing that had always lived inside Steve.

He cried harder than he ever had before that night. Cried and begged for Uncle Nick to put it back, that he was sorry and he wouldn’t ever use it again if they just let him keep it.

(He promised, he promised, he promised-!)

Sank to his knees and told his parents that it hurt.

They didn't listen, and they didn't put it back.

His father told him to get up off the floor, and then pulled him up when Steve found he couldn’t.

Hauled him to his room, even as his Uncle warned his mother that he couldn’t get rid of it. That he could only suppress it, the same way she suppressed hers, but those words didn’t really matter to Steve just then.

Not when he was hurting, and tired, and found himself wishing for his new friend.

(His mother told him he’d feel better in time.

Steve never did.)

xXx

The hole in Steve’s chest had never filled.

It kept him up at night. The yearning for something just out of reach, tormenting him with a feeling of being hollow.

He didn’t know how his mother could stand it.

Steve stopped fussing about it though--or rather, he stopped the first time his father had slapped him over his complaining.

“Enough, Steven! You’re perfectly fine. Now start acting like it, for fucks sake!” He’d roared, and shocked as he was, Steve had still done what he’d been taught to do.

Toughed it out. Sucked it up. Got over it.

Dumped his entire life into basketball and swimming and other parent-approved activities, even if he felt empty.

He was eight, then ten, then fourteen and soon Steve wasn’t healed, but he'd adjusted. 

Got aloof to the pain as his popularity skyrocketed, and his parents left him on his own while they chased the almighty dollar.

(Secretly, Steve tried to fill the void in his heart with parties and people, alcohol and even the occasional drug, though most just left him feeling worse than before.

It was perhaps how he ended up acting as he did.

Turning from the sweet boy who was always helping others, to someone who was fast with their insults. Popularity was a sharks game, and though he refused to participate in the bullying his friends enjoyed, he made sure everyone knew who the biggest fish in the pond was.

Because the hole was always there, in the back of his mind. The thing inside him that was missing, that made him crave the snow, and the lights, and the boy with pointy ears. 

He might be able to force himself to forget about all of that, if only the hole in his heart would allow him.)

xXx

Five days before his fifteenth birthday, some random guy showed up in Steve’s yard.

This wasn’t unusual--Steve invited a lot of people over.

Tommy and Carol both had a standing invitation to use his pool and Steve often used it to curry favor with the upperclassmen--but even underwater, Steve didn’t recognize the teenager leaning over to watch him swim.

Plus it was a little weird for someone to pop up on a Sunday.

Refusing to be intimidated, Steve surfaced right under the guy, head whipping up to make sure he splashed him in the face.

Laughed as the other guy sputtered.

“Can I help you man?” Steve drawled, hooking his arms on the lip of the pool.

“I’m looking for someone. Steve Harrington?” The guy told him, glaring as he wiped water off his face.

His hair just touched his shoulders, in that awkward stage of growing out that made him look like a pageboy.

Steve tucked that little observation away for later, in case he needed it.

“Congratulations, you found me.” He said, eyeing him over.

Black jeans with holes in the knees, wallet chain and a black shirt with a faded logo of some band Steve had never heard of proudly displayed. A checkered plaid shirt topped the whole outfit, with a red guitar pick dangling around his neck from a chain.

Like the guy thought he was some kind of rockstar, and not in bumfuck Indiana.

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Though I think you’re in the wrong place. The audition for the new town jester is being held at the high school.”

He got a frown, like the guy knew he was being insulted but didn’t quite want to believe it. “I’m not here for an audition.”

“You sure? Cause you’re definitely dressed the part.”

“Okay, you are definitely not Steve.” He said, arms crossing his chest. He had a ring on each hand, catching the light as he clutched at his arms. “Steve wasn’t this much of a dick.”

Which wasn’t the first time Steve had been called out for his behavior--but it had never been by the people he was supposed to care about.

Those people, the people his parents liked?

They loved it.

“Times change.” Steve told the stranger. Kept his tone light and playful, the way that always made girls giggle at him and guy’s listen.

Well the ones he wasn’t making fun of, anyways.

“People do too.”

He rearranged himself, planting both palms flat against the concrete, bouncing once to build energy before rocketing out of the water.

Stood, and watched with interest as the new guy’s eyes raked over his naked torso, before his whole face flushed red.

How he looked away, like he suddenly couldn’t bare to look at Steve.

“You shouldn't have changed that much.” He muttered, but Steve already had his number.

"Why were you looking for me anyway?” Steve asked as he went and grabbed a towel. Wrapped it around his waist, but kept his upper body shirtless.

Idly scratched at his hip and watched as the guy acted like Steve had practically stripped naked in front of him.

Weirdly enjoyed the little spark it gave him, to watch this guy appear so affected by his bare chest.

Defensive, the stranger bit out; “We were friends. I haven’t seen him in a long time, I was just checking up on him.”

That made Steve pause.

Really look over the guy standing before him.

The fidgeting, the blushing, the way he avoided Steve’s gaze.

He opened his mouth, an odd urge to draw this out guiding him when the hole in his chest pulsed.

Like a convulsion, a miniature seizure that took Steve entirely by surprise.

It had been a long time since it had done that, long enough to throw Steve off his game.

Make him feel unsafe, unmoored.

Abandoned.

“Yeah?” He wheezed, before covering himself and the flood of wrong/want/need with a harsh cough. “Well now I know you’re definitely barking up the wrong tree. I’d never be friends with a fucking queer.”

At that, the guy’s mouth dropped open, head whipping around to stare at Steve in shock.

"Don’t deny it, I can tell. You’re practically drooling over there.” Steve smiled with all his teeth, even as he struggled to keep his breath even. “It’s disgusting.”

“You know what, fuck you. I thought you were different and you’re not.” The stranger spat, with far more venom than Steve was prepared for. “You’re the same as all the rest.”

He scoffed, before whirling on his heel, middle finger high in the air as he stormed off into the woods.

“Have fun with your sad, beige fucking life!” He yelled, voice a little choked up.

“I will!” Steve yelled back at him, oddly heated.

Rubbed his chest when he was gone, before sitting down to try and figure out what the hell just happened--and why the hell his chest hurt so much.

xXx

Steve’s life remained completely and painfully normal--until Nancy Wheeler.

Nancy and her smile, Nancy and her reminder of what it felt like to be loved. 

She didn’t fill the void inside him, but what she did came close.

Felt similar.

Steve found he’d do anything for her, looking at life once again through the lens he had back when he was seven.

It was great.

Better than great--it was the best he’d ever been.

Then Barb went missing.

Shit hit the fan so fast that in retrospect, Steve still doesn’t understand it. There was Jonathan and his camera, with the background of his missing little brother. Tommy and his insults, grabbing Steve up by the collar. Nancy being weird, Nancy ducking him to hang out with the guy who took photographs of them having sex.

Steve's brain tracks it all in little snapshots. The way he realized that maybe Nancy was right--he was way more of an asshole than he thought. How he decided to clean the theater, and then apologize to Jonathan.

(Creepy shit or not, Jonathan’s brother was gone. Steve had never had a brother, but he understood how it felt when something important was taken from you.

How it made you act after.)

There was a shift inside him. Not coming from the void, but from how Steve dealt with it.

And then there was a fucking monster coming out of the ceiling.

This is how Steve learns the magic he once had wasn’t special. That it’s not the only supernatural thing that exists in the world.

Only unlike the snow and gingerbread house and boy with pointed ears and an Uncle that looked a hell of a lot like Santa Clause, this version came with evil government laboratories, the Upside Down and his girlfriend holding a gun.

It was kind of a lot, really.

Particularly because his parents weren’t home.

(They still came home of course, but it wasn’t with the same frequency as it used to be.

The business trips went from once a month, to every other week, to long stretches of away periods. Long enough that Steve spoke to them over the phone more than he did in person, and knew more about business mergers than he ever cared too.

Also his fathers love life, courtesy of his drunk mother.)

Steve didn’t exactly handle it well.

Doesn’t think any of them handled it well, really, even if Nancy blamed him for trying to pretend he was okay. But right as their relationship blew up in Steve’s face, shit started happening again.

Flickering lights and freaky monsters. A group of kids Steve found himself in charge of, who were doing their level best to commit suicide.

(“We’re helping El and Will, idiot!” Mike Wheeler protested in the back of Billy Hargrove’s Camaro when Steve brought up that this was not what being benched meant, and Steve let him have that one given the way the world was spinning.

God that asshole hit like a train.)

Another snapshot, full of fear and fury, and things were over once again. 

Steve was telling Nancy it was okay. She could go with Jonathan, that he could tell it was what she wanted.

It hurt him to do it, but he wasn’t going to be like his own parents.

Realized with a weird amount of clarity, that he wanted to be the very opposite of his parents.

Late in the night, feeling every ache and pain in his body but knowing everyone was safe, Steve finally started the long trek home. 

He didn’t have his car (he hoped that was still at the Byers place) and he didn’t have his keys (no clue where those went but he was praying it wasn’t in the freaky tunnels) and was well into the middle of his walk when his chest started acting weird. Really weird. 

Steve ignored it.

He kept ignoring it, focused on getting back to his bed, and his bed alone.

(Maybe he had been thinking more than that. About how the last time he had truly been happy wasn’t with Nancy, but with Eddie. That he’d give anything to go play in the gingerbread houses again.

Maybe he was even thinking of how warm his Uncle had been, the way he was so gentle when he held Steve’s hand.

How he’d argued against Steve’s parents, when no one else ever did.

It was probably just the head injury.)

Unfortunately--or fortunately, depending on who you asked later--the weird feeling didn't stop.

It grew and grew, until it felt like something was breaking out of him.

Like a cough you’d long suppressed that crawled forcefully up and out of your throat, it both hurt and felt amazing, a pang echoing out through his very core--

Then suddenly there was snow on the trees and Steve was stumbling into a teenager with fluffy hair.

“Sorry.” He muttered, right before he went down on his knees.

“What the hell---” Fluffy haired guy said, spinning around and looking at Steve like he was a ghost. “Oh shit, are you okay!?”

“I’m fine.” Steve lied, even as he gave in and laid down.

Man, this snow was nice.

Comfy and soft, and cold on his face.

There was a string of curses coming from above him, and Steve made the effort to twist his head so he could watch fluffy hair kneel frantically next to him.

“ What happened!? How did you get here!?”

“S’long story man.” Steve slurred, feeling bad and looking worse. His head fucking hurt.

“Don’t suppose there’s a guy named Eddie around? He has uh,” Steve fumbled, hands trying to point to his ears. “Pointed. You know.”

He gestured to his own ear again.

(Figured he might as well ask, given all the snow.)

The Fluffy Hair pulled said hair back at that, revealing his very own pointy ear. “Dude you’re in the North Pole, all us elves have pointy ears.”

The North Pole.

The words Steve had only ever dared to think, and never said out loud.

“Cool.” He said instead, not really feeling like he was inside his own body.

“Just--stay there, okay? My name's Gareth I’m gonna go get someone.” Gareth the elf (an elf, wasn’t that a trip. Did that mean Eddie was also an elf?) said, hands hovering awkwardly in the air, before he darted off, out of Steve’s sight.

“Can you get Eddie?” The question came out in a whine, the hurt in Steve’s chest overtaken by the pain in his head.

He didn’t get an answer.

Which was okay, he thought.

He didn’t really need one.

He had the snow, and the woods that weren’t straight out of a fucking nightmare, and, he could just sleep right here…

“Steve!”

He blinked, and found he must have passed out.

“There you are. Stay with me.” A blurry face was saying. A couple more blinks brought it into focus, and Steve knew this person, even if he couldn't put a name to a face.

The hair was longer, and there were more rings on his fingers, ones Steve could both see and feel as a hand ran along the back of his head.

Worried doe eyes met Steve's own, and just through the curtain of curls, he caught the outline of a pointed ear.

“Ed--ie?” He croaked, unsure.

“Yeah Stevie, it's me. You're okay, we brought you back to my place. Gareth is getting help.”

He was trying to sound reassuring but he mostly just sounded worried.

Not that Steve cared, because he finally figured out why older Eddie was familiar.

“Oh.” He managed, the words feeling like he had to push out. “It was you. By the--pool.”

“What?”

It felt like eons ago. The weird guy, asking after him. Back when Steve had been doing anything he could to fill the void his magic had left behind, and turned into a raging shithead as a result.

“M sorry.” Steve slurred, voice cracking in its honesty. “I was--asshole. M'sorry.”

The look Eddie gave him was wild. Like he couldn’t believe Steve was here, and definitely couldn’t believe Steve was apologizing.

Which was fair. Until last year Steve wouldn’t have ever apologized, to anyone, ever. 

“Yeah you were, but we can talk about it later. Right now I just need you to stay awake.” Eddie said instead. It was gentle, a lot more gentle than Steve felt he deserved.

It made him want to explain, more than anything, what had happened.

“I was tryin to fix…the hole. Inside.” Steve needed Eddie to understand. Needed it more than breathing, just then.

“I know, big boy.” Eddie soothed, and his hands were back in Steve’s hair.

It felt nice.

“S’not an excuse, promise it's not. I was hurt--hurting, and--I was mean.” Steve continued. It was getting harder to think, the world swimming in and out of focus, but this was important.

Perhaps the most important thing he’d done in a long time, sans saving the kids from the demodogs.

“It’s okay, Stevie. I didn’t get it back then but I understand better now and…”

He might have said something more. Steve thinks he was, but then Eddie was shaking him harshly, and Steve realized he might have tried to pass back out.

“Come on Stevie, sweetheart, you can’t sleep right now. You have to stay awake for me, okay? Steve?”

Steve tried to shake his head and hissed when he found out how much that hurt. Breathed in and out through the pain, before his brain connected back to what he’d been trying to say.

“Not jus’ to you.” He panted. “Wasn’t mean just to you.”

That was important too. That Eddie knew he hadn't been targeted. That Steve was a dick to pretty much anyone he came across.

“I know. I've uh, been watching you, from here."

“Yeah?”

“We have this giant globe. Like a crystal ball, but it’s set deep into the floor so you can only really see half of it. It can also connect to snow globes, and it can let you see places. Watch people.”

Eddie’s voice was soothing, the deep timber of it echoing through Steve’s chest. Belatedly he realized his head was in Eddie’s lap.

That felt nice too.

“I was real mad at you but the Bossman--uh, your Uncle, he kinda showed me you once or twice and then I started watching you myself. Sorry I know that’s weird--”

“Least you didn’t take pictures.” Steve wheezed and then tried to grin because that was very much supposed to be a joke.

(He definitely had felt more put together when he dropped the kids off in Billy's Camaro--so what the hell was happening? Had the shock worn off? Adrenaline?

Fuck maybe he should have just driven Billy’s stupid car back to his house, instead of leaving it at Max's house.

Asshole deserved to not know where his car was anyway.)

Then suddenly there was a lot of noise and light and fuck did that all make his head hurt. Hands went all over him, people barking orders, and a girl Steve was pretty sure was his age was peering at him.

“Steve?” She asked, but it sounded distant. Echoey and unclear.

“I can’t keep him awake!”

That from Eddie, who sounded much clearer, if not utterly panicked. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got him.” The girl said, tight but professional in a way that typically belonged to someone used to medical emergencies. “You can let him go now.”

“Are you kidding me, Buckley you’re an apprentice medmage-!”

Steve frowned at that, but found something was drifting over him. A weight, like an invisible blanket pressed down gently, and he had a second to recognize that this too, was some kind of magic before sleep tried to take him.

He fought it for a moment as a thought occurred.

One last thing he needed to say.

“You’re still good. Eddie. You’ve always been--”

The magic took him away.

xXx

It smelled like cinnamon.

Cinnamon and sharp hints of peppermint, the kind that tickled at Steve’s nose as he slowly rose back into consciousness.

Steve winced as he sat up, head itching like ants were crawling all over it. Idly he tried to scratch at his forehead and found himself touching a thick bandage, at about the same time his body seemed to catch on that he was awake.

It reminded him that he had had a hell of a night in the form of an onslaught of aches and pains.

His fingers traced the edge of the bandage as he took in the cheerful red walls surrounding him. The room was the exact kind of kitschy his mom hated, little twirls of white here and there making the place look like the inside of a candy cane.

The center piece was the full size window, taller than Steve was and twice as wide. Fat, fluffy flakes of snow drifted lazily outside it, some sticking to the window panes as they floated on by.

It was a little like being knocked out and waking up in the Wonka factory, but given all the shit that he had been through the past twenty four hours, Steve didn’t mind it.

Snow was infinitely preferable to the weird ash that came out of the Upside Down.

As if sensing he was awake, the door opposite the window swung open. A tray came through, positively stacked with a stupid amount of pancakes and oozing with maple syrup, the type Steve could smell.

“I,” Eddie announced, head just visible above the good, “had a very embarrassing meltdown when they tried to take you away from me. So suck it up Harrington, because you’re stuck with me now.”

Steve stared at him, mildly concerned he was a hallucination.

“I brought you pancakes.” Eddie added, pausing as he approached the bed like he hadn’t actually thought through to this point.

“I see that.” Steve said, just to fill the sudden, awkward silence. “There’s…kinda a lot there, man.”

So much so it was threatening to escape the confines of the tray and drip down onto the carpet.

“You play sports things don’t you?” Eddie defended, making the executive decision to put the tray down on the bed. “Kinda thought you’d need like, a lot, especially if you're healing." 

Steve snorted, but didn’t bother to hide the smile that crept onto his face.

Even if it hurt.

Dragged his gaze from the pile of pancakes now laid before him, to the man fidgeting awkwardly by his bedside.

Realized belatedly, that Eddie hadn’t changed much.

Not since Steve had last seen him, though he never in his life would have thought one of Santa’s elves would wear so much black.

(Frankly Eddie looked just like every other teenage metalhead Steve had ever met, sans the pointed ears. One of which was now pierced and had little metal hoops threaded through it.)

Eddie realized Steve was looking, and bashfully twist a strand of his hair in front of his face.

It was cute.

It made him look cute.

“You might as well sit and help me with this, it’s way too much.” Steve told him.

Which was the truth--Eddie had brought him a shit load of pancakes and Steve wasn’t exactly sure he could chew all that well right now, considering his left cheek was so puffed out it felt like a chipmunks.

Didn’t want to turn down a gift though--or rather, turn down a gift from Eddie.

Who he absolutely still needed to apologize properly too.

“I guess I should start off with a thank you.” Steve began, as Eddie dropped onto the bed. “I think you might have saved my life, though I swear I wasn’t doing that bad off before I got here.”

“Robin said the shock wore off.” Eddie told him. He didn’t wait for Steve to dig in, grabbing a pancake and rolling it up like a sausage before stabbing one end in syrup. “She also said you had a hell of a concussion, two cracked ribs and a literal boatload of scratches,”

Which sounded about right, considering.

“Still though.” Steve frowned, looking at his hands. “I mostly just fought off Billy, the demodogs never got me.”

Something he was incredibly thankful for, given the sheer amount of teeth.

“I think you’re downplaying your injuries here, handsome, you gave Robin a hell of a fright. She cursed in four languages." Eddie talked fast, just like the little boy Steve remembered him as.

It made him grin. 

“Handsome, huh?” Steve teased, and regretted it the second it slipped out of his mouth.

He hadn’t meant to call attention to it. Not just yet anyway. Wanted to work his way up to his apology and then the things he had kind of realized on his walk home (and possibly before that, though he thinks he might have…repressed it.)

Given the way Eddie froze, Steve figures he’s got about two seconds to talk himself out of it, before Eddie rightfully shut him out.

“I like it. The nicknames.” He said, which is also not what he intended to come out of his mouth and God he was really blowing this, wasn’t he?

“Steve,” Eddie started, sounding a little strangled and nope, no, he was going to fix this dammit!

“I’m sorry.” He said honestly. “I know I was an ass when you came to check up on me, and I know I said some terrible things to you. I regret it. I regret it a lot, and I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

“You weren't wrong.” Eddie cut in, twirling a ring on his finger, eyes firmly on it. “I am gay. I am flamingly gay. And I understand if after today, you don't want me here.”

Which apparently answered the question about whether or not elves gave a shit about such things.

(Or maybe they did, and it was humans who cared, and Eddie was giving him an out for it.

Steve figured he’d ask later.

After he had finished groveling.)

“I want you here.” He said, as seriously as he’d ever said anything. “I think the real question is why you would want to help me?”

It was the one thing that didn’t add up. Why Eddie had been so nice, when he’d shown up.

Sure it was one thing to be a good citizen or whatever, help out a guy who was passed out on the ground, but Eddie hadn’t just gotten help.

He’d stroked Steve’s hair. He’d kept him awake.

Hell he called Steve sweetheart.

And now he was here again, right by Steve's bedside, checking up on him.

You didn’t do that for the guy who was a downright douchebag too you, even if it had been a few years.

Eddie bit his lip, before he chanced a look back at Steve, up through his bangs. “Because you said I was good Steve. You were the first person who ever said I was good.”

Quieter he added “And because we were friends once.”

“I'd like to still be friends.”

“Even if I'm gay?”

Steve took a deep breath, and let out a truth that he’d maybe been ignoring for almost as long as he’d tried to forget about the hole in his heart.

“Cards on the table Eddie, I’m not sure I’m not gay Or whatever both is." 

He'd heard the word once from Chrissy, but hadn't cared to remember it.

(Regretted that a little bit.) 

He got a mighty frown in response.

“Don’t do that. Don’t--joke, like that.”

“It’s not a joke.” Steve said slowly, feeling the words as he spoke them. “I think this is part of the stuff I always just--ignored. Didn’t want to deal with it, because my--”

Steve couldn’t bring himself to say magic, and so, aborted the sentence entirely. “I couldn’t deal. So everything connected to this place, to the rest of my family, to you, I just pushed aside. Pretended it didn’t exist.”

Pretended that he was normal.

Just like his parents wanted.

Then he’d met Nancy.

Realized what he felt about her, he’d always felt about Eddie. That the way she looked at Jonathan wasn’t the way she looked at him--and even then, in the love he had for her, Steve hadn’t looked at her like that either.

Steve had been attracted to her for her yes--but initially, maybe, because she’d looked a little like someone else.

Admitted to himself that he the reason he could clock Eddie so fast back when he was fourteen, wasn't because he was that good at reading people, but because he recognized what it looked like to get caught checking out a guy.

“But I could never forget about you.” Steve added because well. “I’ve never been able to forget about you.”

He’d already said cards on the table, hadn’t he?

Might as well reveal his whole hand.

“You were the last thing I thought of, when I was trying to get home. I wasn’t thinking about my house, or my parents. I was thinking about you. I’ve never been able to come back here, not after Uncle Nick,” He cut himself off again, frustrated that he couldn’t just fucking it, but made himself take a breath.

Continue.

“--but I could, last night. I could get to you.”

Technically he’d gotten to Gareth, who Steve probably also owed a thank you too, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

Gareth had found Eddie anyway, in the end.

“I absolutely get if you want nothing to do with that, considering I think I’m just now accepting this about myself but. I wanted you to know. You’re important to me, Eddie. You always have been.”

It was weird--Steve should have felt laid bare. Vulnerable now that he’d laid out all these things he’d suppressed, that he thought taken away alongside his magic.

Instead he felt lighter than air.

Like the weight had finally been lifted and he could breathe deep once again.

For a long moment no one said anything and Steve figured this was it, he’d gone too far, when Eddie darted in, pressing a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek.

He pulled away just as fast. Wide eyes searched Steve’s face, as though expecting Steve to change his mind. 

If anything, it just solidified it.

Steve reached out slowly, gently grabbing on of Eddie’s hands. Brought it up to his mouth and kissed the back of it, while maintaining eye contact.

Enjoyed the way Eddie’s face went bright red.

“You’re important to me too.” He managed, voice awed. “You’ve always been important to me. Stevie.”

Finally feeling like he knew where he belonged, Steve grinned back. 

xXx

Bonus

“When I said let him sleep Munson, I didn’t mean with you!” Someone screeched a few hours later, jolting Steve awake.

“He was awake when I came in!” Eddie protested, shoving himself up onto his elbows when the women from yesterday--Robin, Steve thought her name was--stormed in. “We fell asleep together after Robbie, I swear!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Hi.” Steve said with a little wave, before the two of them could screech some more. “I’m Steve.”

“I know, Dingus.” Robin told him, eyes narrowed in fury. “You’re a member of the Clause family, everyone knows who you are.”

“Oh.” Steve said, though it felt less cool and more weird that someone had finally said it out loud.

That he, Steven Harrington, had an Uncle, and that Uncle was Santa Clause.

‘Dustin is gonna freak.’

“I’m sure Mega-Idiotson here hasn’t told you, but I’m the medmage that saw you last night. Or kinda--see I’m an apprentice medmage, but my teacher was kinda out with the Boss seeing someone a town over and time was tight and we couldn’t exactly wait--”

“Breath, Buckley. In,” Eddie teased, before demonstrating a deep breath on himself, hand sweeping into his chest before he loudly exhaled. “and out.”

“Shut up, Eddie, I’m working up to something here!”

“What is it?” Steve said, feeling like if he didn’t interject Robin would take a while to get to the point.

“I might have accidentally undid whatever was on your magic?” Robin rushed out, so fast Steve nearly didn’t catch it. “Like I can tell that’s the Boss’s magic, and that he did--whatever that was, but I couldn't figure out how to heal you with it there and it was kinda already leaking out so I just--took it off?”

Steve gaped at her.

“You fixed me?” He managed after a moment, hand darting out to squeeze at one of Eddie’s.

“Um. Yes?” Robin cautioned, like she wasn’t exactly sure that’s what she did.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” Steve laughed, then felt absolutely stupid for not checking in with himself.

Because Robin was right.

The hole was gone--and his magic was back.

How had he not noticed that his magic was back!?

“Eddie, Eddie she’s right--I have it back!”

He turned in bed, dropping Eddie’s hand so he could cup his face and kiss him instead.

“Okay, I don’t need to see this--” Robin complained, but Steve didn’t care.

Could only laugh delighted into Eddie’s mouth, before Eddie deepened the kiss.

(“Guys seriously I am still right here! Can’t you at least wait until I’m gone!?”

“No. Now get out Robin, you’re ruining my moment!”

“It’s okay, Eds. I’ll give you as many moments as you want.”

“Ew, ew, ew-!” )

This whole ass thing on A03 if you'd rather read it there!

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

swift revenge

Summary: Taking out a threat of a big group of raiders one of Jackson Patrol groups had spotted the day before, leaves Joel finding someone form his past he thought had been dead for over twenty years.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 3.2k

Rating: M

Warnings: post outbreak, raiders, holding people in cages, sexual trafficking, implied sexual abuse, angst, dark themes, reunion, protective Joel, feral Joel taking immediate revenge when he finds out what had been done to reader, reader is Joel's pre outbreak fiancé, blood, little bit of gore

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist

"Who did this to you" Drabbles

There were many, many things he could be doing right now. 

He could be at home. He could be sitting in front of his fire place, in the warmth, reading a book or enjoying a glass of shitty whiskey. 

He could try to talk to Ellie again, maybe talk her into playing the guitar with him again. 

Hell, he’d rather be working in the kitchens, enduring the trash talk of the kitchen staff, than riding through this fucking snow storm with a group of the patrol men and women, riding towards the outer parts to a small town where another patrol group had spotted raiders the day before. 

He knew that if they had been sent out through this weather, these raiders must be a real threat. 

And while he knew he was one of the most trusted and capable patrol group members, he was getting tired. 

The last two years in Jackson had made him grew comfortable. Maybe even a little lazy at times. He wasn’t getting any younger.

Sometimes he wondered how his life would be right now, if the outbreak hadn’t happened.

If he would still be living in his house in Austin. Maybe he would have got into Sarah’s pleas and put a pool in the backyard. 

Maybe his baby girl would have found someone and gotten married. Hell, maybe he’d be a grandpa by now. 

And you… maybe he would have gotten to marry you. Make a home with you. Have another kid or two….

He shook his head, his eyes blinking back into reality. 

„Approach with caution. Will and Emma spotted at least six people before they retreated. They chose the big school that we cleared some months ago as their shelter. There might be more people inside. We gonna meet up with the second patrol group in the woods behind the school and then decide how we carry on,“ Tommy instructed the group of eight people Joel was part of. 

Joel took a deep breath before he rode forwards, next to his brother. 

„How bad do you think it is?“ He asked, hearing Tommy sigh. 

„William said they saw how three men dragged a woman from inside and… you can imagine. Dunno what else is waiting inside. I don’t like it. But they got to close to Jackson. Gotta take care of them,“ he said. 

„Think we could get into the school through the barricaded basement?“ Joel asked, hearing Tommy hum. 

„Possibly. Let’s check in with the other group. They have been watching them for the last four hours,“ Tommy said. Joel nodded. 

„Hey uh… You okay? You seem… dunno quieter today,“ Tommy said, looking up at Joel from where he was riding next to him. 

Joel released a long breath.

„It’s her birthday today,“ he said quietly and Tommy raised his eyebrows before a sad smile came to his lips. 

„You gonna be okay?“ Tommy asked and Joel gave him a half smile. 

„Don’t have another choice, huh?“ He shrugged and Tommy pressed his lips together in a tight smile. 

„We should get a drink after. To celebrate her,“ Tommy said. 

Joel nodded. 

„I’d like that.“

There were definitely more than six people inside this school. Thankfully the basement entrance had still been barricaded, so they could enter the school quietly without alerting anyone inside.

But what they encountered once they made their way upstairs was unlike he had ever seen.

These people must have been here for a while.

And they were monsters. 

Cages were set up, women chained inside, with only either their head or their legs sticking out and Joel could only imagine what these monsters had been doing to them. 

He was still trying to form a plan when the first shot rang out. 

The following minutes where a blur. He had lost count of the amount of men he had killed as he made his way towards the other side of the room, still keeping an eye on the patrol group and his brother who was right beside him, taking the threats out until only three of the raiders were left, now tied up to a pole close to the staircase, William, one of the first patrol men, keeping an eye on them, gun pointed at them. 

Joel closed his eyes, his gun still in his hand as he searched for his brother who was already walking towards him. 

„How many?“ Joel asked. 

„Counted around 20 including the three that are still alive,“ he said, bending down to clean his knife from blood using the shirt of one of the dead men laying on the ground. 

Joel sighed. 

„I don’t like this,“ he said.

„Me neither. Might need some help with getting some answers out of the rest. Wanna know if there are more and how they found this place,“ Tommy said and Joel nodded. 

„What about…?“ Joel gestured around them, counting six cages. He hadn’t looked closer at who was inside. 

Tommy rubbed his fingers over his nose in deep thought. 

„Offer them to join Jackson. Don’t think they gonna trust us though. Can only imagine what these monsters put them through. Might need to send for some women from Jackson. We only have Emma here to talk to them and you know they probably do not trust men. I wouldn’t either,“ Tommy said.

Joel sighed, letting his gaze drift through the room that must have been the cafeteria before the outbreak. 

He would never understand just how much the outbreak changed people. Or more like… let them live their true self without having to think of the aftermath of their actions. 

„We gonna search the rooms on this level first and the rest of the building for more people and then I’m gonna send three people back to Jackson to get some more people and horses over here,“ Tommy said and Joel nodded. Tommy gave him a tired smile before he turned away from him and walked towards some patrol member to instruct them about what to do

Joel walked towards the first dead person laying on the ground, searching through his clothes. He hated this part, but it was important. More than once the stuff people had on them had given him clues to other threats that were around.

He was checking the third person when he heard Tommy call out for him. 

Joel grabbed the ammo he had found and walked towards his brother who was standing at one of the more closed caged. They were build rather amateurish with some wood and some barbed wire on the top. He tried to school his face into a neutral one when he approached, pointedly ignoring the filthy line of what could only be dried cum dripping down what looked like a improvised flap in the door, next to where Tommy was standing in the opened door to the cage. 

Tommy looked at Joel with an expression he had never seen before. Fear, surprise, pity?

„What’s going on?“ Joel asked and he saw Tommy send two of the patrol men away who had been standing next to him. 

Joel joined Tommy at the opened door, Tommy’s lips opening and closing without any words coming out before he finally just nodded his head towards the cage where Joel could see a woman sit in the corner, her back towards them. 

She was hiding, making herself as small as possible.

Her hair was long and matted, laying over her shoulder, almost reaching down to the ground.

„Tommy…“ Joel began, wanting to ask what the fuck was going on when the woman turned her head towards them, bright wide eyes looking directly at them.

It was like his body knew, before his brain did. 

His heart rate going up, his hands clenching into fists. His breathing quickened and he only realised he had lost his balance when he felt Tommy’s arm behind his back, holding him up.

He knew those eyes. 

He saw them in his dreams during good nights when he woke up in his old home, in his old bed, in her arms.

He saw them in his nightmares during bad nights when he imagined the million ways she had possibly died. 

He whispered your name and could see your head tilting, your eyes still on him. He didn’t know how long you just stared at each other before something in your face changed, your bottom lip trembling.

„Joel?“

Through the fog inside your brain, it took a while to realise that the man standing in the opened door of what had been your prison for weeks (or months) was not your in your imagination. 

He looked older, and for a small moment you were angry that even after more than twenty years and a whole fucking apocalypse Joel Miller still looked like he stepped straight out of a wet dream. 

You hugged yourself tighter, still cowering in the corner furthest from the door, your feelings overwhelming you. 

You mourned him. 

All this time you had mourned him.

You had been at his parents ranch near Nashville to prepare the birthday party of his mother the following week, Joel, Sarah and Tommy due to arrive the day after Joel’s birthday.

Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine waking up during the night having to kill both your future mother and father in law, both of them infected. 

For days after you were in shock, hiding in the old bunker under the barn, thankful for Joel’s dad being a little bit of a prepper.

You eventually, after waiting for weeks, made your way to a QZ, not knowing that only days after Joel would have made his way to his childhood home in the hope of finding you. 

You learned quickly that the QZ was your personal hell and you took the first real chance of something better to get out. 

And life was good for a while after that. You joined a community near Denver. You even made your way back to Austin, spending more time than you probably should have searching for even the smallest sign that Joel and Sarah had survived. But you found your old home abandoned. The cabinets picked over.

You had locked yourself into your old bedroom, allowing yourself to cry over the things you lost, before you took some pieces to take with you. 

One of Joel’s shirts and his aftershave that was still halfway full.

A picture of you, Joel and Sarah that had been taken on the day he had asked you to marry him. 

Once you got back to the community life moved on. 

But your luck had to run out sooner or later and after you community fell, you had been taken hostage and deemed to be left alive to… entertain the raiders who had burned down your home. 

You didn’t even know how long you had been with them. 

You didn’t know how long it had been since they had taken you. It could be months or years. 

You grew numb after a while. It was the only way to endure their abuse on your mind and body. 

The only way to survive was to flee into your imagination. 

And Joel was always there. 

You jumped when he took a step forward, his hands outstretched in a calming manner.

„Joel?“ You whispered again, tears filling your eyes. 

„It’s me Darlin’. Can I come over to you?“ He asked, and hearing his voice made the first tears escape. 

You slowly shook your head and he stopped, looking at you with concern. 

„I’m… Are you really here?“ You whispered. You could see him gulp, his eyes closing for a moment before he nodded. 

„I’m here. I’m really here. I��“ he shook his head, looking around before he looked back at you and slowly took his coat off. 

„It’s cold and you’re…. Can I put this on you?“ He asked, holding out his coat. 

You shook your head. 

„I’m filthy and I… You don’t…“ you were overwhelmed, not knowing what to do. 

„I don’t care about that Darlin’. I just want you to be comf…. I don’t want you to be cold,“ he said, approaching you slowly, like he would a frightened deer. As if you would jump away if he moved to quickly. 

„Okay,“ you whispered and he let out a relieved breath before he got closer to you.

„Let me help you,“ he whispered and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes as you turned towards him, your muscles spasming as you moved them, letting him slowly help you into his coat. You heard his sharp inhale the moment he saw what they did to you, the many many scars covering your whole chest, your whole body really, his breath stuttering for a moment before he slowly zipped up his coat and you couldn’t stop yourself as you let yourself fall against his chest. His arms pulling you against him immediately. 

You cried against his chest until you had no more tears left. 

When you finally looked up at him he was already looking at you.

Those big brown eyes you had fallen in love with looking at you with concern and wonder.

He reached out slowly, giving you time to turn away before his fingers slowly brushed over your cheek, the palm of his hand slowly coming to rest against your cheek and you leaned into his touch. 

„Sweetheart,“ he whispered and you closed your eyes. 

„Who did this to you?“ He asked and you released a shaky breath, opening your eyes again. 

„Who… Who hurt you like that? Who…. Who did this to you? Please tell me,“ he was almost begging, and you could see how he was restraining himself to keep calm. There was something lingering in his eyes that should scare you, but instead you found comfort in it. 

„Everyone. They all…“ you stopped yourself, one of your hands coming up to press against your chest, a move that you used to calm yourself down. 

You felt something drop down on your hand, looking up to find a tear drip down Joel’s cheek. 

„Tommy,“ he said and you were confused for a moment before someone else walked into your cell, and there was Tommy Miller, who you had not realised had been there before.

„Hi,“ he smiled warmly at you and you awkwardly smiled back, not having used these muscles in a long time. 

„Tommy is gonna stay with you,“ Joel said and you looked at Joel with wide eyes, your fingers digging into his arms, not wanting him to leave. 

„No… No… No you need to stay…. I need you to….“ You panicked. 

„Shhh…. Sweetheart. I’ll be right back. I just need…. I just need to punch one of these people in the face before I….“ You could feel him shaking beneath you in barely contained fury. 

„Joel,“ you whispered, and he finally looked at you. 

„Can you…. Can you take me away form here?“ You asked, voice quiet, barely above a whisper.

He took a deep calming breath before he looked at Tommy. 

„I’m okay to go back home?“ He asked. Tommy nodded. 

„Okay. Okay….“ He said, more to himself before he looked back at you. 

„I’m gonna take you home,“ he said.

When you slowly made your way towards the exit he picked two blankets, pulling them around your shoulders. You looked around the room, finding so many of the men who had made your life a living hell for so long lying dead on the floor. 

But it were the very alive bright blue eyes of one of the men, Gabriel, who had loved to use his knife on you most, that were looking at you that made you shrink back against Joel, your steps faltering. 

„Ah I see how it is. Kill all of my men and then steal the tightest pussy right under my nose. Fucking assholes,“ he spat and you turned away from him, hiding against Joel.

„Tommy,“ he hissed under his breath and you found yourself in the other mans arms the next moment. You looked after Joel, internally already panicking about seeing him walk away from you, before he picked up one of the axes that had been used for firewood. 

„So you just pick up women and rape them because you feel like it huh?“ Joel asked as he walked towards him. 

„I mean Yeah,“ Gabriel shrugged.

Joel nodded, coming to a stop right in front of him. 

„And I’m gonna continue to fucking do it once I get out of here,“ he said and Joel chuckled.

„You think you’re getting out of here? Really?“ Joel asked, the handle of the axe now resting on top of his shoulder. 

„Had worse odds. Some of our guys are still out, scavenging. They gonna be back and then we gonna kill you. And then we gonna get to your little community and take over…“ he said, confidence pouring out of every pore of this disgustingly excuse of a human. 

„Oh yeah? What makes you think we haven’t killed all 27 of them already?“ Joel asked and Gabriel’s smile slowly disappeared. 

„Huh? Not so sure you gonna get out of here now? You think we’re amateurs? The rest of your men are right outside. Dead,“ Joel mocked.

„Please I….“

„Tell you what. I’ll let you go,“ Joel said and you stilled. You could still feel Tommy with his arm around you, keeping you close.

Gabriel didn’t say anything, just looking up at Joel. 

„Under one condition though,“ Joel’s lips twitched into a frightening smile. 

„What is it?“ Gabriel asked and Joel called for another man, whispering something in his ear, the other man nodding. 

„You really should look away now,“ Tommy said to you and you looked up at him. 

„Why?“ You asked. Tommy only shook his head but you looked back to Joel anyway just in time when Gabriel started yelling. 

The man Joel had whispered to was pulling at Gabriels pants until he was naked from the waist down. Two other men came and grabbed Gabriel who was now screaming. They pulled him up, carrying him over to a table where he then stood against it, Joel following them, the axe now swinging and you slowly connected the dots of what was about to happen. 

„I’m letting you go,“ Joel said, before he brought the axe down, Gabriel’s bloodcurdling scream filling the room that let you hide against Tommy, taking deep breaths against him. 

Everything that happened after was a blur, but the next thing you could remember was that you were on top of a horse, Joel holding you against him, your body tucked into the blankets against his chest.

„Thank you,“ you whispered, feeling his arms tighten around you, his lips finding your temple.

„Always,“ he whispered.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Cookies III

Laura Coombs x Reader

Summary: Laura comes home to something she doesn't like

Meeting you had been the greatest accident of Laura's life.

Something that she mused about all the time when she drove home from practice.

It had been snowing earlier in the day, the whole city covered in a soft, white fleece of snow that had Laura's toes freezing in her football boots all practice.

That snow had turned to hail on the one day of the year that Laura had to walk home from training because her car was getting serviced. Originally, she thought that it was snowing and she'd always enjoyed snow even if it made her toes so cold that it was like they were about to freeze off.

Then the hail hit and she was left without an umbrella and freezing cold toes. The hail got harder and harder and Laura was forced to take refuge in whatever the first shop she came across was to wait it out.

You called it a coincidence. She called it fate.

She'd stumbled into the bakery you owned and fell in love on the spot. You were behind the counter, boxing up the pastries that hadn't sold that day when she came sliding in.

You'd welcomed her in, guided her to the back and turned on the oven for her to prop her cold toes in front of to warm up.

You'd baked her a cake at that moment, a big one that tied her over until the hail was done and she could make it home for dinner.

Although she never exactly made it home for dinner. She took you to a restaurant instead, somewhere halfway between cosy and fancy where you spoke about everything that came to mind and earned her your number in return.

She returned to the bakery almost every day to help you lock up and walk home.

Now, you had nearly four years of marriage under your belt and a dog going through the teenage years.

"Hey, Butterscotch," Laura greeted the dog as she stepped through the door.

She hung up her coat and slipped off her shoes, freezing suddenly when she noticed the amount of shoes lined up next to yours. She wildly looked up at the coat rack where coats she recognised hung up over your own.

The voices coming from the kitchen were also recognisable and she stormed into the room.

Her teammates were scattered around.

Lauren and Esme were both sitting at the table while Sandy and Jill were actually sitting on the table, each of them munching on warm cookies with half-melted chocolate chips inside.

Leila and Laia were stroking Butterscotch (the traitor), who had happily trotted straight up to them and flopped onto her back for belly scratches.

Kerstin, Bunny and Jess were sitting up on the counters while Alex and Kelly were both standing by the mixing bowls, listening closely to your instructions.

"How," Laura said through gritted teeth," Did you all get here before me?!"

"Must've taken a detour," Alex said dismissively," Why, Coombsy, unhappy to see us?"

"I see you all for hours at training," Laura replied, arms crossed over her chest," I don't need to see you at my house. What are you doing here?!"

"Baking," Chloe said," What does it look like?"

Laura grumbled something unintelligible under her breath before swiping a hand over her face. "Obviously. But why? None of you are bakers."

"Chloe had an idea," Kerstin admitted, swiping a finger through the batter and sucking it off with a pop," About selling cookies and cakes and stuff at the games to raise money for charity."

"It's not really special if they're store bought," Chloe carried on," So Alex called the best baker we know and here we are."

"Don't worry, baby," You told your wife, pealing away from supervising the mixing to pull her into a hug," They're all going to be put to work eventually. Maybe you can make some of them help you clear out the backyard shed while everything bakes."

Most of the team go wide eyed.

You'd be complaining about the messy shed for nearly two years now and Laura kept putting off sorting it out until she had help and, with her whole team here, it look like she had all the help she needed.

"Excellent," She said, eyes alight with the idea of getting revenge for the invasion of her house. "Esme, Lauren, there's boxes in the garage. Kerstin, Leila-"

"You can't take Leila," You cut in," I've got her down for making my filling. And you can't have Laia either because she's meant to be making my cupcake frosting."

Laura nodded. "Okay, Jess, then. You guys can get the shovels out. Move it girls. Let's go!"

Alexa and Chloe snickered and Laura whirled on them.

"Don't start laughing now," She said," Because I'm coming back for you two as soon as you're done."

[lomlhwa]

all american whore (n.r)

pairing: step brother!riki x step sister!reader

preview: your dad has just married riki's mom. but, you're not blood related so you should be fine to hook up, right?

tags/warnings: fem reader, handjob in the back of a car, oral (69 on the edge of a pool....), fingering, unprotected penetration (BOOOO), hickeys, breast slapping, pet names (angel, slut, cock whore), 4th of july celebration (and by celebration i mean orgasms for everyone), creampie

trigger warnings: STEPCEST!!!, like two mentions of reader having a dead mom

wc: 3.0k

song recs for this fic: american horror show by snow wife, all-american bitch by olivia rodrigo

a/n: i was so invested in writing this for like 4 days good lord

“you could at least try and be a little excited, y/n. sure, you’re meeting my new wife and her son today, but it’s also the 4th of july. it’s a celebration,” your dad says to you while driving. “whoopty doo,” you say as sarcastically as possible. you can feel him glaring at you without even looking over at him. “i know you miss your mother, but it’s been over a decade, i’m moving on.”

you lean your head against the window, the air hanging heavy between you and your dad. “i’ll be nice to them but i can’t promise i’ll like them,” you say, turning to see your dad crack a small smile. “i think you will like them, pumpkin. just trust me,” you nod as he speaks. 

____________________________________

as your dad parks, nerves run through you. it’s finally hitting you that you’re meeting these people that your father intends to keep in your life forever. he walks up behind you and squeezes your shoulders. “you ready, kiddo?” he asks and you give him the most unconvincing nod ever. 

you walk up to the front door and knock loudly. “you’re here!” a woman cries out as she opens the door. you assume this is your dad’s wife. “hello honey, this is y/n,” your dad introduces you and you give an awkward wave. “come in, come in. riki is just upstairs playing his video games,” she ushers you in and shuts the front door behind her. “you guys can just head out to the backyard, that’s where everyone else is,” she walks over to the base of the stairs and angles her head upwards. “NISHIMURA RIKI GET DOWN HERE,” she yells. 

you walk out to the large deck in the backyard with your dad and greet lots of people you’ve never met. you notice lots of things in the very large backyard. in-ground pool, hot tub, etc. your step-mom is rich. you settle yourself in a law chair by the pool with a spiked iced tea in hand. you’re soaking up the sun when you feel a presence next to you. you open your eyes and see a man standing there. “my mom told me i had to introduce myself to you. i’m riki,” he scratches the back of his neck and turns to yell to his mom on the deck. “happy now?” his mother shrugs. he walks away from you, clearly unhappy with your presence.

as the afternoon goes on, the family gathering becomes more lively. you’re sitting on the edge of the pool with your legs in the water when riki comes to talk to you again. he slips his shoes off and plops down next to you. “here because your mom told you to?” you raise your eyebrow at him and he shakes his head. “no, i came to apologize. i’m sure you’re in the same boat as me with our parents' marriage,” he swings his legs, creating small waves in the water. you sigh, your shoulders slumping.

“you wanna go up to my room? it’s quieter and we could watch tv or something,” riki nods towards his house and you give him a small smile before getting your legs out of the pool. you grab your sandals and follow him close behind. “y/n and i are gonna hang out in my room for a bit,” riki tells his mom and she gives him a warm smile. “have fun, kids,” she says. she shoots your dad an excited look as you two walk into the house. 

as you settle into riki's bed, you feel as though this is a very intimate space to be in with your step-brother. he puts on some brainrot show as background noise and sparks up a conversation with you. despite being invested in your conversation, you can tell there’s something else on his mind. the way his eyes dart between your own eyes and your lips brings butterflies to your stomach. 

riki snakes his hand onto your bare thigh, your shorts having ridden up from adjusting to sit comfortably in his bed. he strokes your skin with his thumb like it’s second nature. goosebumps rise in the wake of the soft movements from his thumb. you look at him with doll-like eyes and he can’t seem to get enough of your appearance. 

slowly, his hand snakes higher and higher before his fingers are teasing the stitching of your underwear. you can tell he wants to shove his hand in there and play with your wet heat. you know his fingers can feel how wet you’re getting. he shifts his arm a little bit so he can reach his pointer finger out to brush over your clothed clit. slowly, it gets harder for you to hold the conversation. 

riki leans over to whisper in your ear, despite the two of you being the only people in the room. “can i? please let me make you feel good” is all he says to you and you honestly can’t get your head to nod fast enough. you’re not blood related so you should be fine to hook up, right? at your consent, he slips his fingers under the fabric of your panties and plays with your clit. small moans and whimpers escape your lips when he touches you. it feels amazing. his soft fingers on your skin lights your nerves on fire.

riki scooches closer to you so he can press kisses onto your jawline and neck. you tilt your head back on instinct, giving more access to the expanse of your throat. he slides his middle and pointer fingers into your wet hole, pumping them in and out slowly. your muscles clamp around his digits, desperate for more pleasure. “riki, oh my god,” you breathe out, your hand shooting down to hold his wrist while he fucks you. he holds your face with his other hand, making sure you’re looking at him while he fingers you.

your high creeps up on you as the tips of his fingers jab the gummy spot inside you. you arch your back as your walls throb around his fingers. “give it to me, y/n. i know you’re fucking close. cum for me,” he whispers in your ear again. you dig your nails into the skin of his wrist as you cum around his fingers. riki lets out a sinister laugh before pulling his fingers out of you. he brings his wet fingers to his mouth and licks your release off of them. as you’re about to say something to him, you hear your dad’s voice. “y/n! it’s time to go home!”

____________________________________

for the next 3 days, all you can think about is riki. was what you did wrong or immoral? it can’t be. you’re not blood siblings. the only thing bonding you is your parents’ marriage. unfortunately for you, you can’t help but want more.

today must be your lucky day because your dad has some amazing news for you. “we’re going on a little shopping trip with riki and my wife today. do you wanna go there in separate cars or take one car?” your dad asks, leaning on your doorframe. “we can take one car, it’s fine with me. i’ll sit in the back with riki.” 

your dad gives you a warm grin, only happy that you’re getting along with your step-brother. he pulls out his phone to text his wife about your transportation decision. not even 10 minutes later, an suv pulls into your driveway. you rush to put your shoes on before climbing into the large backseat with riki. he pats the seat right next to him, despite the whole rest of the backseat being empty. happily, you oblige. the car is chilly and riki has a blanket over his lap.

it’s about a two hour drive to the biggest outlet mall near you. so you settle next to riki, watching a movie on the laptop he’d brought with him. about 20 minutes into the drive, you notice riki shifting around uncomfortably. you take a single glance down and you know exactly what’s wrong. he’s hard. so unbelievably hard. you can see it through the blanket.

“do you want my help?” you ask in a hushed voice. riki catches his bottom lip between his teeth as he nods. luckily, he decided to wear basketball shorts, so you have easy access. you pull the waistband of his shorts and underwear down just enough to get his cock out. you wrap your hand around it under the blanket and pump him slowly. he digs his teeth into his lip to suppress any sounds coming out. you run your thumb over the pink, dripping tip and he lets out a sigh. “you okay back there, hon?” his mom asks, seeming concerned. just as he’s about to open his mouth, you start pumping faster. “y-yeah, i’m so fine,” riki responds. his mom seems to accept this answer as she goes back to looking at her phone.

“the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispers aggressively. you give him a mischievous smile as your hand continues to work on him. you stroke him with firm, mildly swift motions. his hips buck to meet your hand’s movements and you can’t help but smile at his desperation. riki slides his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him. he digs his fingers into the skin of your hip as his orgasm approaches. “right there, angel, fuck,” he squeezes his eyes shut as his cums, his hips stuttering. white ropes of cum paint your hand and forearm. as you bring your hand to your mouth to lick it clean, he shoves his cock back into his shorts. 

____________________________________

after your shopping trip, your parents drop you off at riki’s house. you walk into his empty house and plop down onto the couch. riki stands in the doorway of the living room, watching you. “you wanna swim?” he asks, nodding his head toward the back door. “i don’t have a bathing suit,” you reply, smirking at him. “swim in your underwear.” you shrug, not really minding the idea.

you rise from the couch, walking past riki towards the back door of his house. as you walk, you drop items of your clothes on the floor. first you drop your shirt, exposing your back and your black bra. next, your shorts. they left almost nothing to the imagination anyway. your black panties hug your hips and ass in a way that almost sends your step-brother into a frenzy. you peel your socks off last, throwing them into a corner. finally, you reach the pool. you dive in head first, drenching yourself head to toe. “you coming?” you call out to riki, who’s been a statue since you started stripping.

you can barely see him from the pool but you can tell he took his slides off and threw his shirt somewhere in the room. he comes darting out the door, diving into the pool the same way you did. when he comes back up, he flips his hair out of his face. you’re holding onto the edge of the pool and watch his movements. he swims over to you, halting in front of you. there’s a moment of silence between you before he grabs you by the back of the head and crashes your lips together.

riki kisses you like it might kill him if he doesn’t. the kiss is sloppy and full of saliva. he kisses you like he’s been poisoned and your lips are the only antidote. your hands travel to his exposed chest, digging your nails into his chest. he groans against your mouth and the sound goes straight to your core. you wrap your legs around his waist underwater and he kisses you harder. 

“i wanna fuck you, but not here. not now. let me taste you,” he whispers against your lips as if someone will hear you. you nod, but suddenly a better idea comes to your mind. “get out of the pool and lay on your back,” you instruct, also pulling yourself out of the pool. riki follows suit, doing what you told him to. you stand by his head and shimmy your wet panties off. you throw them onto the lawn before turning back to riki.

you put both feet beside riki’s head and lower yourself slowly, sitting on his face. his tongue almost immediately darts out to taste you and you fall forward, catching yourself with your hands on his hips. he wraps his arms around your thighs, pulling your core further onto his face. with trembling hands, you push his shorts down his thighs. he lifts his hips to help you in sliding them off him. you lay your torso down and take his cock into your hands. you stroke it a couple times before spitting on the tip.

you take the first half of his cock into your mouth, already choking around it. he moans against your pussy, his hips bucking into your face. he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it lightly. your knees fight to squeeze around his head but you don’t let them. you stroke the portion of his cock that you can’t fit in your mouth, trying to work an orgasm out of him. you bob your head up and down rhythmically. riki eases two fingers into you and they follow the same rhythm as your head. 

your orgasm creeps up on you faster than you would’ve liked it to, but you can tell he’s close too. you pull your mouth off of him to let out a high-pitched squeal when he curls his fingers inside you. “ah, fuck, i’m gonna cum,” you exclaim, clenching around his digits that are abusing your hole. “me too, angel,” riki replies. his voice is so husky and strained that it almost sends you over the edge. 

you manage to pump him a few more times before toppling over the edge. you shake above him, your thighs clamping down on his head. the noises you make as you cum send him into his orgasm. he releases onto your face and neck, causing you to flinch a little. you roll off of him, laying naked from the waist down on the warm concrete. when you sit up, you hear a car roll into the driveway. riki shoots up and give you an ‘oh shit’ look. you both bolt into the house, grab all your clothes and rush up the stairs. he barely closes his door before your parents open the front door. you can hear them talking and laughing about something but you’re too focused on how fast your heart is beating.

you collapse onto his floor, laughing about how close you were to getting caught. riki listens for the movement of your parents, trying to find out what they’re doing. relief washes over him when he hears them leave again. he turns to you to find that you’re moving to put your clothes on. “don’t you fucking dare.” he walks over to you and hooks his arms under yours, lifting you off the floor and onto his bed. you rest your body weight on your elbows and watch as he admires your body.

riki runs his hands up your thighs and spreads your legs for him. he pulls you so you’re almost hanging off the edge of his bed. “please, angel. let me fuck you. i need to know how that pretty fucking pussy feels,” it almost sounds like he’s begging you. your core throbs as he speaks. “please,” is all you can muster as a response. riki grabs the base of his cock, lining up with your wet hole. “god, you’re gonna be my fucking slut. right, angel? a whore for my, ngh, cock. gonna ruin you for everyone else. you’re only ever gonna want me” he shoves himself into the hilt before pausing.

your walls pulse around him, trying to adjust to his size. before you’re fully adjusted, he starts to thrust. his cock abuses your hole and it feels so fucking good. you wrap your legs around his waist as he uses you. “god, it’s like you were made for me. such a good cock whore. you’re taking me so well.” roughly, he pulls your bra down to expose your breasts. he slaps both of your breasts, leaving bright red marks. you cry out in pleasure, your back arching. “such a whore for your step-brother. what would your father say?” he teases. 

he leans down and connects his mouth with the plush skin of your breast. he sucks on the skin, leaving a dark purple mark. he continues the same motions a couple more times, leaving your chest riddled in his love bites. “you’re fucking mine. you hear me?” he says, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. “say it. say it and i’ll make my sweet angel cum.” the idea of finally cumming makes your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“fffuck riki, i’m yours. i’m all fucking yours,” you cry out. your orgasm is right there. “good fucking girl. so obedient,” he slaps your chest again, leaving a bright handprint. “where do you want me to cum?” riki asks as his thrusts speed up and become sloppy. “inside, inside, god please inside of me,” you beg, your pussy clamping down on him. he chuckles at your desperation. he connects his pointer finger with your clit, rubbing it in circles. “cum. cum for me right now, slut.”

the combination of his words, his motions on your clit and his cock abusing your wet cunt sends you crashing over the edge. you cry out loudly, a string of curses erupting from you. he quickly follows suit, spilling his seed into your weeping hole. you both rest for a few moments, feeling his cum seep out around his cock. you wipe sweat off your forehead before looking at him.

“we can never tell our parents.”

© lomlhwa 2024

[fashionteahouse]

Can you make a scenario where reader is popular ( like Mikaela from transformers) and embry has huge crush on her before the shifting. his friends tries to convince him to talk to reader but he thinks she’s out of his league. After the transformation he imprints on her but scared to talk to her until he saw her breaking with her bf. She notices him for so long but never got the chance to talk to him. She tells him she loved his long hair. Etc. please sorrry if it’s super long lol

no no it’s okay! i can do this 💜 hope you enjoy :)

forget it - embry x reader

That’s all he could do, follow his eyes as you walk the halls with your boyfriend. Embry’s hand was frozen on the lock part of his locker but his eyes willingly stayed frozen on her.

You didn’t know you were the main star in his dreams. The reason why he couldn’t wait to sleep at night. That’s the only time you could speak to him and ignite that warm feeling that he was feeling in his belly.

He feels a nudge once you’re almost out of eye sight, he turns to find Jacob next to Embry’s locker.

“Just talk to her.” he says, shrugging as if it’s no big deal.

He just shakes his head and turns his attention back to unlocking his locker, “I can’t.”

“Why not? Just say hi.”

“Why, so she could run off? A girl like her isn’t going to give a guy like me the time of day.” Embry explains. He, himself believed the words that were coming out of his mouth.

”Just come to the football game tonight. Her boyfriend will be on the field and you have a window of opportunity.” he tells his shy friend.

Embry is sticking to his guns, “Forget it.”

What really made Embry admire you, was the perfect, equal balance of your brains and beauty. He couldn’t help but daydream as your hand raise and answer the teacher’s question with ease.

The bell ringing was the only thing that brought him back to reality. He scooped up his notebook and worksheets and makes it to his next class.

Walking out of the school lot, he sees you as your boyfriend has an arm around you. You both were leaning against his car and Embry didn’t know if he was imagining your bored face. You let your eyes wander and find his. You give him a small smile. He must’ve stared too long because your boyfriend’s eyes meet Embry’s.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” he says and this boils Embry’s blood. Embry took a step forward in his direction but Jacob and Quil lead him away. You turn to your boyfriend, “Why are you being an ass?” you say to him. You felt sorry and gave Embry an apologetic look.

Embry was still fuming. “I need to be alone.” he tells his friends as they reach his house. He was slightly shaking and Quil looks down at his friend’s hands, “Alright man..I’ll text you later.” he says to him, backing off.

Embry doesn’t say anything but closes his front door. He felt hot. He felt like he wanted to strip. Sure he was mad at your boyfriend for trying to call him out, but he was unbelievably angry.

He went to his backyard, hoping the breeze would cool him down. But it didn’t work. He screams at the sky when it felt like his bones were breaking. It felt like he was on fire. Next thing he knows, shreds of clothing fall down on him like snow.

He sat in the hard chair, listening to the swish of the scissors, watching the chops of fallen hair land on his lap and onto the ground.

Embry stared at the mirror. He almost didn’t recognize himself. He had plans on just allowing his shoulder length hair to grow. Things changed. He changed. He didn’t even look like the boy he saw in the mirror, earlier that morning.

He had his first patrol that night. Protecting the people that walked the streets that had no idea of the danger that lurked. They were oblivious.

After seeing no threat, Sam let him off. He sneaked back to his home, not wanting to explain to his mother why he came in without shoes or shirt.

He took a shower and it wasn’t until he sat on his bed, noticing that the food he ate earlier at Emily’s was long digested. His stomach started shake with hunger.

Making himself look like a sane human with the right amount of clothes, he walked to the convenience store that wasn’t too far. The walk allowed him to think.

As he was counting the stars, he heard some shouting. He looked ahead and saw a car door opened and a girl bent over.

“Go fuck yourself! We’re over!” the girl’s voice says and slams the car door and stomps into the store. The car peels off dramatically and Embry watches it drive off before pulling open the door.

Embry says hello to the owner and walks to a section that looks appetizing for him.

He hears a freezer door slam shut and he looks up to see that the girl who came in was you. He felt his heart pound out of his chest. Before he could look away, your eyes found his.

Nothing else in the world mattered. Not even the snack he was eying. Everything, but you, was forgotten to him. You give him a smile, happy to see a friendly face. You both were free from friends, especially your boyfriend who was in your face most of the time. He seemed to almost move too fast before you could get to know him.

“Hey, you.” you greet to him and give him a small wave. Embry couldn’t speak, opting for a wave back. You head to the counter with your drink and pull your money out but Embry speaks out, “It’s alright. I got it.” He places his things on the counter and pays for everything.

“Thank you.” you tell him with a smile.

“You’re welcome.” he says, it took almost everything in him not to get lost from the brightness of it. Embry holds the door open as you walk out and wait for him.

“Embry, you cut your hair?” you ask him.

He was shocked. He wanted to ask how you knew his name. Yes, you both went to the same school and shared a class but he wouldn’t have bet his life on you knowing it. He was even more shrouded in the feeling of happiness that you noticed the new change in his appearance.

“Yeah.” he says sheepishly and reaches his hand to feel his hair.

You playfully pout a bit, “I loved your long hair.”

He didn’t know how to feel. He thought he was dreaming. He had to have been dreaming. Even though he couldn’t speak to Jacob and Quil at the moment, he was convinced that they would never believe this moment even transpired.

“Thanks.” Embry whispers.

You smile and sit on the curb and pull out your phone to see if you can get a ride. As if Embry could read your mind, he says to you, “I can walk you home. It’s pretty dark out here.”

You smile again and rise up with the help of his warm hand. He tries to quickly let it go, not knowing if you’re comfortable with the fact.

“Do you mind if I hold it? You’re so warm.” you confess to him.

Embry just nods as he looks down and lets your fingers interlace with his. He couldn’t help but smile himself, knowing how perfect your hand looked in his.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

when the world becomes small

shauna sadecki x reader, word count 2k

amid the chaos of moving into your new house, you start to develop a relationship with one of your new neighbors. AU where shauna and jeff are divorced. (sfw) im in a writing slump help

You’re shocked that the entire world hasn’t drowned by the time the rain stops. It’s been storming for days, and any relief from it you’ve received has been too brief to call a break. Moving in has been hell without any help – your memories of dragging new furniture into the house through the rain and praying nothing would ruin are less than fond. You have already discovered a leak in the basement, too, where no number of towels or buckets can save you from the annoyance of mild flooding. 

It’s the first day the sun’s come out that you truly feel welcome in your new home. Halls once gloomy and dark in the stormy shadows now glow in golden afternoon sunlight, and as you put on your boots and step into the garden, you begin to understand again why you’d chosen to buy this house to begin with. The peace here is incredible. 

You’re in need of a fresh start – moving to New Jersey seemed once to be the answer. You’ve gotten a new job with colleagues you don’t loathe, and you feel finally free from the setbacks of your old life. 

The neighborhood you moved into proves to be just as keen on keeping their privacy as you are. Hardly anyone has introduced themselves in the week you have lived in your new house so far, hospitality far from free-flowing in comparison to that of the small town you grew up in. There was one girl who introduced herself, a teenager you know had been ordered by her mother to welcome you on behalf of the family, but she was more interested in leaving than she had been to welcome you to the neighborhood. Her welcome didn’t count. 

You are content with the solitude, anyway. The sun is out, and you are in the yard planning space for your garden. Your new place has room enough for one as big as you’d like. You make a mental note of everything you want to plant. 

From the corner of your eye you spot movement in the shrubs along the split-rail garden fence. Overgrown plants from the last owners of the house decorate the backyard and make it a prime habitat for rabbits this time of year. Though you will have to cut some of it down later to fix your yard out of becoming a jungle, it brings you joy to watch rabbits scurry under your fence to come get food or take it home. 

You sit down on the steps of the back porch. You watch as they run and jump and hide, letting the sun soak into you as you watch the rabbits as entertainment. Planning the garden could wait. 

“It's the worst this time of year,” someone says from nearby, and you almost jump out of your skin. You look over the garden fence — it only reaches your hips in height — to see a woman standing at the edge of it near an already-planted garden of her own. “The rabbits,” the woman clarifies, noticing your confusion and the scattering of your thoughts in her sudden presence. “As soon as the snow melts, an army of them comes in. They’re hell for my tomatoes.” 

You gather your wits, standing from the porch and making your way to the edge of the fence to meet her. The woman watches you carefully, analyzing you in a way that makes you wonder how much she can tell of you from first impressions. Her dark eyes are scrutinizing. 

“Shauna,” she introduces herself, and extends her hand over the garden fence for you to shake. You introduce yourself as well, and she nods with a knowing expression. 

“Callie,” you say, “she’s your daughter, isn’t she? She came over the other day to welcome me to the neighborhood.”

Shauna sighs, and you can tell she’s resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “I should have done it myself. I made her do it. I doubt she was pleasant company.” 

“No, I loved having her over,” you lie. The girl had been rude to you, exceedingly, but you can’t find it in you to insult the woman before you through insulting her daughter. Even so, Shauna seems slightly surprised by your lie that Callie was good company. 

Shauna’s head turns at the rustling of shrubbery at the far edge of the fence — a rabbit emerges, and settles in the middle of your yard. Something you’re unable to place crosses into her expression, something dark that disappears in the afternoon sun just as soon as you’ve noticed it. Shauna turns her attention back to you. 

“I can take care of the rabbit problem for you.” 

You shake your head. You wonder why she’s so invested in the rabbits, but you don’t want to ask. “I don’t mind them. They bring life to the place.” 

“So do you,” Shauna says. “No one’s lived here for years. To have someone like you move in… it’s in good hands.” 

You aren’t sure what to respond. You weren’t expecting any compliments from her, and to receive them makes you nervous. She’s beautiful, and already you feel the depth of her intelligence, her intuition. There’s power in her gaze as it rests upon you. 

“You should come over for dinner some night,” she says suddenly. She looks kind again, amicable. “Callie usually goes to her dad’s on the weekends. Do you have any plans on Sunday?” 

You don’t, and you tell her so — her relief is obvious, and quickly the two of you make plans to meet Sunday night. When you head back into your house, your interaction with her plays back in your mind on repeat. You’re a bit in shock of it, how quickly you’ve just made plans with the woman who lives next door. You try to imagine it all playing out on Sunday – you try to imagine other compliments she could give you and how it would feel when she gave them. You picture the delight in her eyes at seeing you when you arrive.  

Sunday goes better than you ever could have planned – the two of you talk for hours, sharing a bottle of wine between you and having dinner. You relish in Shauna’s presence, and find comfort in her words and in every bit of attention she spares you. She knows more about you than most at the end of the night, and you know next to nothing about her. You can see the care with which she selects what to reveal to you about her life, and don’t pry for more than she’s willing to give. 

It becomes a regular occasion. Every Sunday you go next door to Shauna’s house in the afternoon and the two of you sit on her patio and talk – words flow like rivers between you, endless and sustaining you. You do most of the talking, and you can tell she prefers to keep it that way, but every once in a while you get stories out of her about raising Callie or how much of a waste of time her ex-husband was or her daydreams of the places she wishes she could go and the things she wishes she could have time to do. Sometimes she comes over during weekdays, just for a moment to drop off plants she’s bought for your garden that you’ve talked about getting or to find an escape from the tribulations of her own home. 

Spring morphs into summer within a few weeks. Your gardens are flourishing, you help each other with work in them. You abide by every suggestion of Shauna’s of what you should and shouldn’t plant, and how to sustain them as she sustains you. You’ve become enchanted by her, living through each week through the promise of Sundays when you’re guaranteed her time. Your thoughts are of her during every moment you’re without her. 

The heat of summer is interrupted when the rain comes back, and this time it’s welcomed. You’re confined to her sunroom instead of the outside bliss of the porch. Shauna’s in the kitchen, pouring the two of you drinks while you watch the rain fall. You feel suspended in time – everything stops in the rain, the world shrinks to the two of you as the horizon becomes a blur and you’re the only ones left in focus. 

Shauna comes back with drinks. Whiskey this time, not wine. ‘It goes better with the rain,’ she tells you, and you take the glass she offers. The taste of it is expensive, burns on your tongue pleasantly. 

Shauna doesn’t sit down by you in the sunroom, but goes to examine some of the plants she has shelved on wooden stands. There’s an abundance of them, you’re a bit jealous of her collection. 

“Callie’s going off to college in a few weeks,” Shauna says suddenly. You look over to her but her eyes are fixed out the window. She’s enchanted by the intimacy of the rain just as you are. “You could come over more often. Any time you want, really, once she’s gone. I don’t know if you’d like that.” 

She glances at you for a moment before turning her eyes back to the rain – checking to see if you would oblige her desire, or if it offended you, as if you would suddenly change your mind on the entire idea of her and run out screaming and throwing things like a psychopath. 

“I would like that,” you agree, suppressing a smile when relief visibly floods over her. It prompts you to add to her request, devise your own way of inviting her into your company more. “I saw an advertisement the other day for a farmer’s market being hosted by this wellness center about an hour away. It’s a bit of a drive, but apparently it’s a really big deal, it’s hosted every summer. I was thinking we could go together this Friday.” 

Shauna nods. You recognize the contentment that comes over her. “You have to drive,” she commands. A way of adding order to the suspected chaos of joy, to stand in front of it and guard it with her words. 

You nod, silent agreement to her terms. The two of you are immersed in peaceful silence for a few minutes – it’s not uncommon between you, just to sit in one another’s company, intimacy in the known safety of being taken into your own thoughts. 

“I hate the rain,” Shauna admits quietly. She takes a sip of her drink. “It makes the world feel small.” 

You stand, coming to her side to look out the window with her. You hear thunder in the distance amid the gentle pattering of rain. 

“That’s what I love about it,” you tell her. Confusion spreads over her features that prompts you to explain. “When the world becomes small, it becomes ours.” 

You know how horribly sappy it sounds, how trivial and cliche, but you can’t stop yourself from admitting to it. Shauna’s expression lightens, and as her gaze rests upon you once more you see that your words have provided her with comfort. 

You reach for her hands, she lets you take them in your own. Yet one of her hands parts from yours, comes up to rest at your jaw, then the back of your neck, and you close the distance between you as she pulls you toward her, your lips finding hers. The kiss is soft, leaves you feeling drunk afterwards on much more than the few sips of whiskey you’ve had. The love that permeates her touch, the sweetness of the longing that fills her kiss as she pulls you in again has your head spinning. You’ve wanted this since you met her, have imagined it a thousand different times in a thousand different ways, but the reality is better than anything you could have dreamed up on your own. 

Shauna steps forward, turns to push you gently against the wall. The world becomes smaller – it doesn’t exist outside of her touch. For as long as it can last your reality is composed only of the love in her eyes, and the desire in her kiss, and the willingness with which she gives it all to you. You realize it is not the rain that makes the world feel small, it is her – that in every moment the great expanse of the horizon fades closer to nothingness, and the view you have of the woman before you is all you need as the promise of fortune. 

[ltbarnes]

‘Tis the Damn Season

Stark U #6

Summary: It’s Christmas Eve, you’re too drunk, you’ve basically avoided Bucky and Steve for six months and the last person you’d want to meet at this party just happens to be yelling in your face. The panic attack is inevitable, really.

Pairing: college!Steve Rogers x reader, college!Bucky Barnes x reader, college!Sam Wilson x reader, college!Natasha Romanoff x reader

Word count: 7.8k

Warnings: so much angst, past SA, alcohol, talk about violence, Christmas celebrations, things finally start to happen, kissing :)

A/N: Happy holidays to anyone who celebrates and to those who don’t, I hope you have a good few days anyways <3 This is the first I’ve posted since July which is awful of me so sorry

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You didn't see them all summer. The day after your last exam was over, you bolted back to your hometown and spent the entire summer selectively ignoring messages from Bucky and Natasha and Steve and Sam asking what you were doing and how your summer was going and maybe you could all meet up and go somewhere and—

It's December now, and every goddamn day since June you have been trying to figure out if what Bucky said to you when you were sick was a fever-induced hallucination or if he really, actually, said that he wanted you to take his last name someday. It made you panic, because the entire spring term you tried to convince yourself that your feelings towards them were batshit crazy and any inkling to them feeling the same was a delusional reach, grasping for crumbs that in reality were just friendly gestures. And then he says that.

"She's just practicing her future last name, Stevie."

So, yeah...things have been weird. Three months have passed since classes started and none of you want to mention what happened right before summer break. Actually, with each day passing you feel more like maybe it was just a hallucination or a very vivid dream, because both Bucky and Steve act like it never even happened. Bucky even had his mouth latched onto some blonde sophomore at a dumb, stupid frat party on Halloween. You went home right after and cried for two hours. But it's not hard to conclude that even if there was some spark or connection or anything beyond friendship with either of them before summer, it has died out completely.

The subject will probably never be broached. You're too scared of confrontation and definitely too scared of revealing unreciprocated feelings for that to happen. The slightly tense atmosphere in the loft is entirely your fault—your lack of communication with anyone in the group during the summer has made them a little confused, you guess. You mostly spend time in your room, giving excuses of studying and talking with parents on the phone and 'I'm just tired, sorry'.

Spending too much time with Natasha scares you too, because she reads you so well and you don't want her to know how hurt and unhappily in love you are. She'll try to do something about it and then Steve and Bucky will catch on and then you will end up rejected and labeled as crazy, because who the fuck falls in love with two people?

That doesn't mean you've managed to avoid her. Living in the same apartment as her definitely makes that hard, but just the fact that she won't let you makes it impossible. Last week she even broke into your room when you had it locked, because apparently she knows how to pick a lock open in under ten seconds. She absolutely knows something is off, but so far she hasn't brought it up.

Natasha is the sole reason why you're now standing in the backyard of some rich kid's house just off campus, surrounded by smoke from cheap cigarettes and fairy lights hung up between the trees and one too many shots of vodka in your blood. It's December utterly and thoroughly—there's snow on the ground but people still haven't accepted the fact that wearing their short dresses and tank tops without jackets does not work anymore. Ice drops hangs from the tree where you stand, listening to Natasha talk with a drunken girl looking for her phone.

It's fun, sure. Not the worst party you've been to and not the best either. You talked to the girl you've been sitting next to in History class earlier for almost twenty minutes. Got free vodka. It's Friday and you don't have any exams to study for. None of that makes you forget that things aren't the same.

"Nat. Nat." You poke her shoulder repeatedly, obnoxiously probably, until she glances over her shoulder with a slight glare.

"What is it?"

"I'm gonna get 'nother drink. Inside," you tell her, pointing with your thumb towards a hedge even though it was meant to be the door. Natasha seems to understand anyway.

"Okay. Don't wander off too long. And come back here right after."

"Yes, ma'am." You give her a half-assed salute before turning around, swaying slightly in your step. It's the uneven and slippery surface of the snow-covered ground, you tell yourself.

There's a lot of people here, is what you note as you push yourself through the seemingly endless crowds of the living room. You kind of hate that they haven't played a single song you like and if Steve was here he would agree, because he doesn't listen to any music made after the internet was born. Bucky would then make fun of Steve and you would laugh and everything would be right in the world. Instead you're pressed to kitchen drawers of a dark kitchen, cheap vodka mixed with soda running down your throat.

The kitchen is crowded too, but either way it's a respite from whatever the hell's going on in the living room. Jumping up and down and calling it dancing (you were doing the same the hour before). You're too drunk to be miserable about everything happening in your life this entire term and much too drunk to feel the absolute atrocious taste of your drink.

In half an hour you will probably throw up and tomorrow will be spent nursing a horrible hangover, but those consequences seem insignificant right now. You just keep thinking about the image of Bucky shoving his tongue down someone's throat that wasn't yours. It was heartbreaking. That he's not here is a good thing, because you'd either witness the same thing again or actually bring it up to him, and that's much worse. God knows it's only a matter of time before Steve does the same thing.

Someone pushes into you, forcing the liquid from your cup to spill from the confines of the red plastic onto your dress. It's black, so it doesn't really matter, but the alcohol still seeps through the fabric until it reaches your skin.

"Shit, fuck—"

Your hand tries to somehow dry your dress by fanning the fabric, which obviously doesn't help very much, and the paper towels placed on the counter in front of you escape your drunken mind completely.

Fresh air and icy winter winds are the only options, so you push through and stumble into people on your way outside. It takes a lot longer than it should. You can't really see much considering the dizziness and darkness inside, but somehow, magically, you are eventually dragging your way towards Natasha who stands in the same place as before.

"Nat. Natty—I spilled. Look."

The black dress with the now wet patch is lifted towards her by your hands, highlighted for her to see. You sway as you tell her.

"Jesus, you can barely stand straight," Natasha answers with a stabling hand to your shoulder, shaking her head to herself instead of focusing on the very urgent fact that you spilled on yourself.

Natasha turns to the girl she's talking to, saying something you can't bother to decipher, before stepping aside with a guiding arm around you.

"We gotta get you home before you embarrass yourself for real," she mumbles underneath her breath.

"I heard that," you whisper, a loud hiccup following. Whoops.

She rolls her eyes, fishing her phone up from her pocket.

"Who—who you writing? To?" you ask, slightly aware that your sentences lack correct structure but not really caring. As long as the message comes across, right?

"I'm texting Steve. I can't drive and you sure as hell can't."

Even in your state, panic instantly sets in over the mention of his name even though you live in the same goddamn apartment.

"Nooo. No Steve."

Your hand grasps for her phone. Nat pulls it away from your reach much quicker than you can comprehend.

"Yes Steve. You're a mess and he's the only one with the patience to take care of this level of drunk. I don't care that you're avoiding them for some stupid goddamn reason," she tells you.

"Nat," you whine. "He can't see me. I spilled!"

She just glares at you. "I swear to god, Y/n...nobody cares that you spilled your drink. I can't even see it."

"I'm so drunk!"

"Yeah, I know. Just—just stay here, okay? I'm going to get you some water so you can sober up by the time your precious Steve comes for us."

Natasha is heading inside before you can process her words. Waiting in place for a few minutes turns into an eternity in your mind. She should know better than to leave you unattended and then expect you to stay—really, it's her own fault. You will accept no blame if Nat gets mad at you for going inside again. It's cold and you need to go to the bathroom. Also, you're mad at her. Telling Steve to come get you? That's just...embarrassing.

Once again you're shouldering your way past people on about the same level of intoxication as you. There's a bad remix of a Christmas song playing loudly. Makes you wanna punch whoever's phone is connected to the speaker. The bathroom is so, so far away. It's something the architect of this house should've thought of before he put it at the very end of this long hallway you're currently making your way through, but clearly he didn't have you in mind.

"Fuck! Watch where you're going, asshole," some girl seethes at you as your shoulder nudges against hers. A nudge is an exaggeration—you brushed against it at most. She's probably an aggressive drunk, that's all.

You don't answer, instead fumbling for the door handle to what you believe might be the bathroom. Some couple is making out in here, the girl with her ass planted on the edge of the bathtub and the guy nearly devouring her face. Doesn't look very pleasant, if you're honest.

"Out. I need to pee."

Your hands find their way to their shoulders, ushering the lovesick pair out of the room without much protest from either of them. They're still making out as they walk out.

Despite your less than sober state, you manage to remember to lock the door after they leave. Some of the mascara that previously inhabited your lashes has moved down to rest under your eyes. You rub it away, smudging it slightly, but it just makes you look a little more like one of those cool girls you always see on campus. It will do.

You kind of want to throw up, but decide against it. That hasn't happened since you were a freshman, and you'd like to keep it that way. Staring at yourself in the mirror occupies your time in the bathroom instead, swaying slightly with your hands placed on the cold sink. If Steve saw you now he would be so disappointed. At least you imagine he would be—that fatherly look on his face as he tells you how you need to be more mindful with your alcohol consumption. Did you even watch who poured your drink? Never go anywhere alone at a party. Especially not a frat one. You know better than this, Y/n.

Steve's imaginary voice is interrupted by someone banging on the door, shouting for you to hurry the fuck up. It's been over ten minutes, but to you it just feels like three, and Natasha has been looking for you ever since she returned to the garden with a glass of water in her hand and no one to give it to. It's not her banging on the door, unfortunately, but instead a dickhead guy who has no patience. Can't a girl spend some time alone in the bathroom doing nothing anymore?

The guy glares at you as you push the door open, stumbling out into the crowded hallway while paying him no mind. It's dark save for the red LED-lights plastered on the walls, making it feel like a seedy dive bar instead of a seedy house. You don't see much.

"Hey! Hey, you—the girl with the black dress!"

Someone pushes their way past the people talking and making out and leaning against the walls, shoving through them as he searches for your attention. Of course, you don't really think it's you he's after. Half of the people at this party are wearing black dresses.

A clammy hand finds purchase on your shoulder, halting you in your less than gracious steps and turning you around with ease. Head tilted back, gaze running upwards until they settle on the face of a quite attractive guy. He doesn't look pretty happy to see you. You're not very happy to see him either.

The blood drains from your face, stealing away all that alcohol-induced heat within a second as his curly hair and green eyes look down at you with that same contempt he had when Sam dragged him away from the kitchen almost a year ago. You had hoped you never had to see him again. It was a naive thing to wish for.

"Y/n, right?" he asks bitterly. You don't answer, but he takes your silence as a yes. It was probably a rhetorical question anyway. His slightly crooked nose was perfectly straight the last time you saw him. His face is committed to your memory, burned in to taunt you on sleepless nights and everytime an unknown man walks a little too closely when you're out alone. "Your little boyfriend broke my fucking nose. You know that?"

Another rhetorical question. Definitely more threatening. Might be the tight grip he has on your arm too. Either way, his mere presence has apparently stripped away your ability to breathe normally. It feels like you've been running to the point of nausea, dark spots dancing before your eyes as he shakes you in attempt to get an answer.

"You ruined my fucking reputation. For what? I barely touched you. Such a sensitive fucking bitch, going around telling everyone that..." His voice trails off, ushering you into a quiet corner when he realizes people are staring. "Got nothing to say now, huh? Been so good at running your fucking mouth before, haven't you?"

"Let me go," you whisper, voice wavering. You don't sound assertive at all, instead weak and fearful. It's what you feel, as an upbeat, slightly bad cover rendition of "All I Want For Christmas" booms through the house. Girls shrieking in excitement over in the living room reaches your ears. You would have joined them if you weren't currently cornered by the guy who assaulted you in your own kitchen a year ago.

"No, we're going to fucking talk. What the fuck were you doing, going around saying shit like that about me to everyone?"

"I...I didn't..." Your lips part between words, breathing out shakily, trying to articulate sentences long enough to make sense. Why can't you speak? Why can't you even think?

"You didn't what?" he seethes. "You're such a fucking bitch, you know that? Acts all innocent and hides behind her friends. My nose is fucking crooked forever because of that fuckhead you sent after me."

Is it the alcohol that renders you this goddamn useless? There's just tears springing to your eyes, unable to say anything in defense of yourself. Can't even walk away.

He pushes you against the wall, knocking the breath out of you. To other people it probably looks like you're hooking up. At least that's what you hope they think, because otherwise you want to wonder why no one is intervening.

"Joshua, please let me go," you tell him again, even more pathetic this time. You're crying now, curled in on yourself in attempt to make yourself as small as possible.

"Fuck, you're so—"

"She told you to let her go."

The assertive, familiar tone booms through the hallway. It doesn't really, can probably only be heard by the people around you, but it feels like it when Steve's tall figure pushes through with hasty steps towards where you and Joshua stand, followed by a glaring Bucky with his jaw clenched so fucking tightly. A sob of relief is drawn from your lips, muffled by the back of your hand.

Joshua steps back instantly. Kind of funny to think that he's so scared of those two, and sad to think that he only respects a 'no' when it comes from men.

"Nice nose job," Bucky speaks up, pointing at his own nose as he stares at Joshua's crooked one, courtesy of the damn good punch he managed to land with his left fist all those months ago.

"Fuck you," Joshua growls, taking a step forward in attempt to appear more threatening or something. He doesn't really succeed—both Bucky and Steve towers over him in both length and build, unrelenting in their stance. As if they're stone walls keeping out the enemy.

Steve rolls his his eyes, shaking his head with a sigh. "Just get out of here. Don't go near her ever again, you hear me? Bucky's glad to fix your nose otherwise. Break it right back. Can't promise the result will be very good, though."

Bucky stands slightly behind Steve, raising an eyebrow in Joshua's direction that tells him there's not even a trace of a lie in the blonde giant's statement.

"You—fuck this." Joshua throws his hands in the air, aiming the most distasteful glare over his shoulder in your direction, before pushing past Steve and Bucky with a shove.

Your body instantly deflates, the tension melting off your limbs as you close your eyes and lean back against the wall. Gentle, firm hands instantly reach your cheeks, your arms, searching for any trace Joshua might have left behind on your body.

"Hey, hey. Y/n, are you okay? Did he touch you? Sweetheart, look at me."

Bucky's voice draws you out of the anxious, panicked state you slipped into, fluttering your eyelids open to see his worried frown and an equally worried Steve looming behind him. Wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes greet them, pupils dilated from the alcohol.

"Y/n, are you hurt? How long have you two been talking?" Steve adds, looming over you in such a way that his large frame blocks out any of the colorful lights plastered on the walls.

They already know you're drunk—Natasha was the one to call them here to get you, after all. Maybe your silence and obvious intoxication makes it clear to them after a couple of seconds that an answer from you is a few minutes away, a few miles of distance from this foggy, packed house. Nothing more is said or requested from you. Instead your trembling form is led away and out into the biting cold by gentle hands belonging to your friends. Even your slight shock can't shield you from freezing your ass off as soon as you get out into the fresh air again, teeth beginning to chatter within the second step on tightly packed snow.

"What the—where the hell have you been? I swear to god, Y/n, I was gone for two minutes! I've been looking for you everywhere!" an angry Natasha yells, running perfectly towards the three of you down the slippery lawn to where Steve is currently helping you into the backseat of his car.

"Nat," Steve says, giving her a pleading look that silently tells her it's not the time for a scolding.

"What? I told her to stay put when I went to get her a glass of water and she just disappeared out of nowhere. Slippery motherfucker while drunk, I swear she'll be the death of me—"

"Nat," he repeats, sternly this time. In that tone only he masters, silencing even the most eager tongues with a single exhale. "She met Joshua. And she's not okay. So please, leave your yelling for tomorrow and get in the car."

Steve holds the passenger door open, gesturing for the seat beside Bucky. He's turning the key, letting the car warm up properly while he clutches the wheel tightly. Natasha's irritated frown turns into a concerned one, nodding silently before slipping inside. Steve closes the door shut behind her.

You lean your head against the frost-covered window, fogged up by your breath two inches away from it, and close your eyes. Steve leans over you, reaching for the belt and fastens it over your torso. You forgot. He never does.

It's no surprise, doesn't startle you despite your absentminded state, when his warm hand cups your cheek, turns your head to face him. Soft, blue gaze and ridiculously long lashes. It's nothing but contrasting against the clouds released from your mouths with each breath—warm, concerned...loving? Maybe.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, thumb rubbing over your cheek.

You nod. "Yes. I am now."

Bucky puts his foot on the gas, turns on the blinker, and pulls away from the curb, out onto the streets. It's nearly soundless. The usual rumble from wheels against road is cushioned by the snow.

"This was a mistake. Sorry, I can't—" Sam gags, moving his head out of the bathroom before returning his presence within a few seconds. "You're a real shitty guard, Nat. Why'd you let her drink this much?"

All four of your roommates are gathered in the bathroom, surrounding you as if you're a newly born lion cub in a zoo, while you puke your guts out into the toilet. Steve is kneeling on the floor beside you, a comforting hand rubbing your back, while Bucky sits a few feet away with a glass of water in hand, ready for whenever you need it.

"Fuck you. You weren't there—she was like a goddamn ghost, just slipping away everytime I blinked. Looked fucking everywhere for her. 'S not my fault," Nat answers, residing on the floor of the shower in lack of space.

"Not true," you murmur in answer, your voice echoing off the ceramic surrounding you.

You're pretty much done throwing up, it's just the exhaustion following that's keeping you slumped over on the bathroom tile. Your hand stretches out in Bucky's direction, reaching for the glass of water that's gulped down within a few seconds.

"Careful. Gonna get sick again if you do it this fast," Bucky says, unable to help himself from brushing away the stray drops of water running down your chin.

The gesture is nothing new from him. He did it when you were sick all those months ago too, and you haven't forgotten it at all. His thumb gently rubbing over your skin as if you're precious, something deserving of gentleness, is engraved into your mind. You're thankful for getting most of the alcohol out of your system, because you might not have remembered this moment in the morning if not. Fuck it if you forgot the way his pupils widen just slightly, as if he didn't mean to, as if he couldn't help himself.

"I'm fine," you whisper in answer, clearing your throat. "Got it all out."

"Good." Steve's hand moves up from your back to your head, stroking it for just a second before withdrawing his touch. "Let's get you to the couch."

"I don't wanna go to the couch. Wanna be in my bed." You're pouting. Maybe there is some trace of alcohol left in you.

"Steve and Buck will feel much less like creepy stalkers if they stare at you sleeping on the couch instead of hovering around your bedroom all night like a bunch of pervs," Natasha speaks up. A snort follows after, as if it was a joke and not a statement. Definitely tipsy too, despite unwilling to admit such a weakness.

Steve raises a reprimanding eyebrow Natasha's way, telling her to shut her mouth with just his gaze. She smirks in answer.

"Don't listen to her. A fucking liar," Bucky remarks, but there's still some form of amusement in his expression. He can't even deny the statement—he is going to watch over you. Doesn't really matter if it's in the living room or in your bedroom. "Now let's get you up. C'mon."

With a push from your arms against the cold tile, you're standing on two legs again. Steve is hovering his hand near your back, ready to support if the vodka decides to topple you over. But you're fine—just tired now.

For ten minutes it feels things are back to normal again. On the living room couch, nestled in between them, your head leaning on Steve's shoulder as a stupid Hallmark Christmas movie plays on the tv. Sam and Natasha are in their rooms sleeping, and for a few moments you forget why you kept your distance. Everything would have been good if this is how the night would end. If Steve didn't have to address the past six months.

"I've missed this. With us," Steve whispers as he strokes your shoulder absentmindedly, like it's second nature to him to have his hands on your skin. "You've been so distant lately. For months, Y/n."

The room instantly becomes tense enough to make you nauseous. A clearing of your throat, an attempt to sit up out of Steve's hold and away from this conversation that you'd much rather avoid is futile—it's instantly stopped by Bucky's hand on your chest that pushes you right back.

"No," he says sternly. "You're gonna sit right here, sweetheart, and tell us why you've barely let us see you since fall term started. 'Cause it's sure as fuck not something I take lightly. Why have you avoided us?"

You look away, shaking your head to yourself as you try to talk yourself down. You will not break. You will not confess a single thing. You are going to act like everything is fine and you are not currently freaking out being sandwiched between the only two men you would gladly be sandwiched between under different circumstances than this.

"What are you even talking about?" you answer meekly. It's clear as soon as the words come out of your mouth that no one is falling for your innocent act, not even sweet, naive Steve. Then again, you're doing a particularly bad job. "Both of you think I've been distant?"

"Cut the bullshit, Y/n. If we've done something wrong, just say so." Bucky bites his cheek, glancing down for just a second, but it's enough to let his vulnerability slip. He's hurt.

A wave of guilt instantly washes over your body, an unusual feeling. During all these months of avoiding any interaction with Bucky and Steve besides the necessary ones, you didn't think that they'd actually mind your absence that much. They might not be hopelessly in love with you like you are with them, but they're still your friends. Friends miss each other.

"Or if it's something personal, you can tell us, you know? Is it anxiety, or are you feeling generally low, or...?" Steve chips in, trying to drown out Bucky's accusatory tone.

"No, no...I'm not depressed, Steve. And none of you have done anything wrong, I promise," you say hastily, shutting down their concerns as quickly as possible while trying to buy yourself time to come up with an excuse. "I just...needed some alone time."

Bucky rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Sassy man. "Bullshit again. You've spent a bunch of time with Natasha. Sam, too. It's us you're avoiding." He points to himself and Steve with his hand. "It's been almost six months, Y/n. What the hell's your problem?" He pushes himself off the couch, standing up and blocking your view of the tv. It's as if his frustration is all contained while sitting down.

"Bucky," Steve scolds, glaring up at his friend. He's not appreciating the tone at all, that's for sure.

"There's no problem, Bucky," you tell him, shaking your head. Trying to dismiss this entire conversation before you reveal too much.

"No! Y/n, I'm going fucking crazy! This is the first time you've even let me touch you in half a year!" Bucky yells, a pleading tone in his voice that breaks your heart just a little. Because it's true. You have barely even hugged since June. You've barely talked for more than five minutes at a time.

"Don't yell at her, for god's sake, Bucky," Steve adds, his hands on your shoulders and ready to get up from the couch any second.

"What the hell's going on with you, huh?!" Bucky continues, ignoring Steve's statement. His eyes are solely focused on you, void of the usual softness. There's just anger. "Cause if you can't stand us, then tough fucking luck. I can have your fucking things moved out by tomorrow for all I care. Can move right into Walker's dorm. Bet he'd accept you with open fucking arms if you get to your knees and—“

The drop of your heart down to your stomach can almost be heard, an echoing, hollow sound. You're sure of it. Bucky shuts his mouth, as if he realizes what exactly was about to come out of it. What is not even a second of silence feels like a whole minute, before Steve shoots up from his seat beside you and grabs Bucky by the collar, rattling the whole room with the force in which he nearly tackles Bucky against the wall with. The tangy taste of iron starts to fill your mouth, your teeth biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood. There's tears lingering in your eyes but you can't hold them back, not anymore.

"You don't fucking talk to her like that, you bast—"

"I love you! It’s ‘cause I fucking love you guys!” you yell, a pathetic sob marring the words. “So I’m fucking sorry that I’ve avoided you two but I’m trying to get over these goddamn—these feelings, but I can’t, okay! I can’t!”

The bitter delivery is punctuated by the sleeve of your sweater wiping away the tears furiously, cutting Steve off and drawing both of their wild eyes towards your figure now standing up, just a minute away from a complete breakdown. You don't even process the fact that Steve cursed. It would've been teased about endlessly in any other situation.

"I will go. I'll leave if that's what you want," you seethe with a voice so unsteady that it's almost unbearable to listen to. "But I don’t hate any of you. I don’t, and I get why you’re mad. But fuck you, Bucky. Fuck you for saying that.”

More tears fall. It's futile to wipe them away when they'll be replaced the second after. You want to say more, hit Bucky where it hurts, but you cannot get the goddamn words to form on your lips. Opening your mouth and closing it again, shaking your head, comes before hastily walking towards your room and locking yourself inside without giving them a chance to answer.

As soon as the door is slammed shut, your hand comes up to your mouth to muffle the sobs. Sinking down to the floor as if you’re in a movie, forehead resting against your knees. The rate of your heartbeats could be considered dangerously high, but you just blurted out a whole love confession for two of your roommates in the midst of a fight. How the hell could everything turn to shit so quickly? Half an hour ago all of you were joking around in the bathroom, and now you're not sure you have the courage to face any of them again.

It's a rash, impulsive decision fueled by anger and betrayal and shame, but you rush over to your closet and pull out an overnight bag that's soon filled to the brim with enough things to last you a few days. You're crying the entire time.

When you pass the living room again, Bucky isn't there anymore. But Steve is. Barely a glance his way is spared, with hasty steps heading towards the hallway. You remind yourself of a furious toddler when you angrily put on your jacket, stick your feet into your winter boots. The bag is slung over your shoulder, hand resting on the door handle.

"Don't go. Y/n, please don't leave."

Steve stands at the other side of the hallway, a broken down expression on his pretty face.

"Bucky went out of line, but he didn't mean it, I swear. He's just too prideful to admit it," he continues. You shake your head, biting down on your bottom lip. "Please, honey. It’s Christmas Eve. It won’t be the same if you’re not here tomorrow.”

"I just need some space," you whisper, brushing away a stray tear with the sleeve of your jacket. You’re so embarrassed and hurt that you can barely look him in the eye. "I can't be in the same apartment as him right now."

Steve sighs, looking about ready to just throw you over his shoulder to get you to stay. But he won't do that. That's not Steve. So instead he glances down to the floor, shaking his head to himself.

“Did you mean it?” he asks softly. “The thing about—you said you loved us. Did you mean it?”

It takes a few seconds before you nod tentatively, sniffling and keeping your gaze on a spot past Steve. He doesn’t say anything.

Steve gathers courage enough to walk up to where you stand by the door, grabbing your cheeks with his hands, thumb running over the tear-stained skin gently. For a few moments, he just looks at you. Loud thoughts running amok in that perfect head of his.

“Nothing I say right now will do my feelings any justice, so I’m gonna save any big speeches for tomorrow. But just…stay. It’s 2 am, it’s freezing out and you’re still drunk. I don’t want you out there on the streets alone. I need you to stay, even if it’s only for your own safety. Don’t have to talk to any of us if you don’t want to.”

His words makes you nod automatically. All it took was his hands on your skin and the flicker of hope his words ignite in your chest, and you conceded within a second. No hesitation left in that exhausted body of yours. He‘s not saying outright that your feelings are requited, but it doesn’t feel like a rejection either. He doesn’t seem disgusted by your confession, by the knowledge that you’re in love with both him and his best friend.

“Good girl. Let’s just—let’s get you to bed, okay?”Steve tells you, squeezing your shoulder gently. With your confirmation in form of another silent nod, he nestles the bag out of your grip and takes off the jacket from your torso.

The bed feels so soft and warm and comforting when you lie down. Steve tucks you in. It’s achingly sweet and you don’t really deserve it after avoiding him and Bucky like that for so long, but he looks out for you nonetheless.

“Steve,” you whisper, drawing his gaze up to meet yours. “I’m sorry. For being so distant.”

He shakes his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were scared,” Steve answers. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? Get some sleep. You’ve had a tough night, Y/n.”

The softest of smiles grazes your lips, puppy eyes gazing up at Steve. Your wonderful, caring, perfect Steve.

“Are you alright? It must’ve been hard meeting Joshua again. And what Bucky said, it…it was far from okay.”

“I will be,” you whisper.

He nods, observes your face for a few seconds. Leans down to press a kiss to your forehead—what kind of college guy even does that? And then he leaves the room, turning the light off behind him.

You’re woken up by a red headed, crazy woman sitting on top of you over the sheets, shaking your shoulders.

“Wake up, fuckhead. You’re gonna open the presents I got you,” Natasha urges, grinning down at you as you blink your eyes open, groaning.

“Fuckhead?” you ask, a tired chuckle from your lips as Natasha climbs off the bed.

“Yes. Don’t like it, huh?” she teases. “C’mon. The guys are already waiting.”

With slow steps and a loud yawn, the slightest trace of a hangover plaguing your body, you drag yourself out into the living room. Around the ugly, little tree that Sam insisted on cutting down from the campus gardens last week (he almost got arrested by the security guards) the three boys sit. Your gaze falls to the floor, scratching the skin right above your lip nervously, once Bucky looks up at you. Can’t really read his expression, but you figure you’ll lay the fight aside for the day. It’s Christmas, after all.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” Steve says, urging you to sit down next to him right there on the carpet. You offer a soft smile, and an even softer ‘Merry Christmas’ back. You’re still unsure about yesterday. Despite there being no rejection from either of them, the uncertainty is kind of killing you. A pit of anxiety rests in your stomach, an uneasy feeling corrupting every cell as you sit down on the floor next to Steve.

Not even ten minutes later, the living room is drowning in a sea of wrapping paper. Natasha went overboard with the gift shopping this year, it seems like, but her absent father is also some kind of Russian oligarch or something so she tends to use up as much of his money as she can. You’re not complaining.

The special edition of The Hobbit, signed by the director of the movie, that you managed to get on eBay and cost you a fucking fortune is received with a whispered ‘thank you’ from Bucky. He holds it in his hands tightly, staring down at the book without a word, and you don’t know if he’s happy for it. Maybe he’s not happy with anything touched by you at this moment. He hasn’t gotten you a gift, it seems like, or maybe he threw it in the trash and burned it yesterday.

Steve got you three books that he’d heard you say you wanted months ago, and a dainty silver necklace with a bee pendant hanging from it. “You know, uh, I usually call you ‘honey’ and I thought it was a little funny, maybe. But I can exchange it if you don’t like it. It’s no problem,” he had said, even though there were tears of gratitude in your eyes. Your arms were thrown around him a second later, hugging him tightly as you thanked him profusely for the most thoughtful gift.

Now you’re leaning your back against the couch, still on the floor, watching as Sam and Natasha are tinkering with his new Nintendo Switch that he got from her (overboard with the gifts, as previously mentioned). He’s so happy it almost makes you zoned out as you watch his childlike excitement. It’s nice to see the two of them so calm and sweet with each other too. Usually bickering and getting on each other’s nerves all the time otherwise.

“Y/n, can we talk?”

Your head tilts back, looking up at Bucky standing nervously in front of you, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. There’s a deep hesitation within you, a pride that wants to say no and remain in your angry state forever without confrontation. But it’s Bucky. You hate this animosity between the two of you, the tension. Despite being pissed off and hurt and afraid that he doesn’t want you, you can’t say no, so you nod and push yourself up to a stand.

Bucky closes the door to his room behind him gently, clearing his throat and looking at anything but you. A sigh comes out of his mouth, shaking his head, before he parts his lips to speak.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. What I said was disgusting and unforgivable and so fucking out of line. You didn’t deserve that at all. So out of proportion to what I was mad at you for,” Bucky says, running the palm of his calloused hand over his face.

“It was,” you answer honestly. There’s no use in denying that what Bucky said was stupidly hurtful. He nods, looking away from your gaze.

“It made me angry thinking that you ignored me, because at first I didn’t know what I had done, you know? And then I thought for a few months that me and Steve had been too overbearing and that you tried to keep your distance because you thought we were annoying or something. But that’s not the case. I should’ve known better by now than to think that you would do anything to purposely hurt us.”

You gulp, nodding, looking down to the floor. “I’m sorry too,” you whisper. “I didn’t know that you guys thought I had something against you until last night. Obviously, you…you know now that’s not the case,” you tell him, embracing yourself with your arms. “But last night, Bucky, I…you hurt me. I know you were angry, but saying those kind of things isn’t okay.”

“I know that. God, I know, Y/n. I’m so sorry. It was fucking childish of me, retorting to saying that Jo—“ Bucky shakes his head, hands coming up to tug at the roots of his hair. “And it felt stupid giving you that present in front of everyone, so now you think I didn’t get you anything, too, and—“

“You got me a present?”

“Yes. Of course I did, Y/n. But I saw how much Natasha had bought and that necklace Steve gave you and my gift felt stupid in comparison to that. Just didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone,” he says, a little awkwardly. A little boy giving his mother a drawing he made in kindergarten, he reminds you of.

“Bucky…that doesn’t matter. I don’t care what you have gotten me. I’ll like it no matter what if it’s from you.”

He shifts in his place, contemplating something, before picking up a sweater on his bed, revealing a wrapped present hidden underneath. Bucky took the gift from the pile without anyone noticing before, throwing it into his room so no one would see.

With a tentative hand, he reaches it out to you. Doesn’t watch as you unwrap it, instead biting on his thumbnail. You reprimand him for it, and the hand returns to his side.

“Is it a book?” You run your fingers over the cover, a hardcover with nothing on it. Blank.

“It’s a photo album. Shit, it’s stupid. I don’t know,” Bucky answers, looking about ready to snatch it back, but you open the first page up before he has a chance to.

A picture of you, Natasha, Sam and Steve on the first page. It was taken last year in November. You’re all running after one of Sam’s model planes, fall leaves singling down from the sky. It’s a beautiful picture.

“4 grown idiots running after a kid’s toy - November 12th, 2022”

“It’s just pics I’ve taken with my phone, so it’s nothing artsy or anything, but…uhm.” Bucky runs his hand through his short, brown hair.

You flip the page. You’re looking out through the kitchen window, the sun shining through and casting shadows over the room and your figure curled up on the chair.

“Angel in the sun - March 25th, 2023”

A soft chuckle is drawn from your lips, resisting the urge to run your finger over the photo, but you don’t want to smudge the blank paper. On the same page there’s another picture of you with your arms around Natasha’s shoulders, nearly wrestling her to the ground with the force of your hug. You look so happy.

Bucky looks nervous as you glance up from the photo album at him. “Know it’s not much, but…yeah.”

A loud huff of hair escapes Bucky as you throw your arms around him. It takes a second or two for him to hug you back, but he soon has his chin resting on top of your head, arms around your waist.

“I love it,” you whisper, holding onto him tightly enough to constrict his breathing.

“You do? I can take it back if you don’t like it.”

Your grip around him releases, arms coming down to your sides so you can take a step back and look him in the eyes. “This is everything, Bucky,” you say softly, feeling a lump in your throat that can turn into tears any second. “The fact that you took the time to make this for me is just…it’s the most thoughtful thing ever. And these pictures are so beautiful, Bucky, and just the thought of you sitting down and glueing them onto the page and writing captions and—“

His lips against yours. Oh god. Oh my god, Bucky has his lips pressed against yours. Gentle hands hold your jaw, his head leaning down to compensate for the height difference, and Bucky Barnes is kissing you with urgency and desperation.

The shock is enough to make you unable to return the kiss. He seems to take your surprise as rejection despite the fact that you literally yelled ‘I love you’ in his face last night. Bucky steps away and takes his hands off your skin, running his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry, don’t know what the hell came over me, I—“

On your tiptoes, fingers grabbing his sweatshirt to pull him closer, and you nearly smash your lips against his to shut up any of that doubt he carries. It’s not a graceful or very romantic kiss, but by the sound akin to a very mild growl that comes from Bucky and his hands sliding down to your waist to pull you closer, you guess he likes it anyway.

It doesn’t last more than 20 seconds. A harsh knock on the door to Bucky’s room interrupts it, forcing you part from his lips and get down from your tiptoes again.

“What the hell are you doing in there? C’mon! I’ve made goddamn Christmas brunch!” Sam yells, drawing a soft chuckle from your lips as your forehead meets Bucky’s chest.

With a soft smile, nothing said, you back away from Bucky. Slipping out of his room and leaving him there all flustered and semi-hard from a 20 second make-out session. The first ever between you, though. He thinks it’s pretty understandable.

As Bucky follows you into the kitchen, sitting down at the table by Steve, he leans towards his best friend and whispers into his ear low enough to make anyone else unable to hear.

“I kissed her, Stevie,” Bucky says with a shit eating grin on his face. “I finally fucking kissed her.”

The blond man turns his head enough to look over at Bucky, the red flush of his cheeks and ears enough to tell anyone what’s been said.

“Are you serious?” Steve asks.

“I kissed her and she kissed me back, I swear. I gave her that photo album I’ve worked on for weeks. She said she loved it, Steve.”

“I guess it’s my turn then, isn’t it?” Steve answers, a shy smile on his lips as the two of them watch you sit down opposite of them at the table, glancing through the window out at the heavy snowfall. Natasha puts a newly toasted bagel on your plate.

“Go get our girl, Stevie.”

[sunnys-out]

Welcome Home | Katrina Gorry

A/N: Hello, I'm alive. Sorry, I have been busy again with LSAT prep, work, and all that good stuff. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I had writing it.

(20. And I… I still love you, even after all of this time) from here

Warnings: familial death, panic attack symptoms, mentions of homophobia from family

WC: 2551

November 2023 Sweden

The cold air nipped at my nose as I stood still in front of the gate leading to the home. 

My feet shifted in the snow with a crunch. My hands shook, from nerves, as I move to cover my chest more to protect her from the cold. The home in front of me was familiar yet so new to me. 

I look down at the door to the once loose gate.

“Huh…she did end up remembering how to fix the gate” I thought.

______________________________________________________________

February 2018, Utah

The bags of groceries hit the counter top with a thud as I yelled toward Katrina, who remained struggling to lock the front door.

“You know this wasn’t what I had planned for us for Valentine’s Day you know…but hey we can celebrate you finally joining me here!” 

The smile on my face remained as I started unpacking the groceries.

Katrina moved through the maze of boxes that littered her apartment before stopping to look into one.

“Yeah unpacking as much as possible and then dinner…has the announcement already been posted?” she started removing framed photos from the box.

I nod and follow with, “Yup, they shot down my suggestion for the caption…“Katrina ‘Mini’ Gorry to join Utah Royals FC to join her amazingly charming and beautiful partner, y/n l/n” 

My hand gestures exaggerating the sentence to get a laugh from Katrina as I carried on.

“Plus, this absolutely beats just a Facetime call date so I don’t mind doing this with you, cariño (dear)” 

Katrina puts down the photo frame of us together when we won the NWSL championship with FC Kansas City and heads to the kitchen and leans on the counter.

“I meant to ask, how’s your sister doing? She doin’ alright?” the question gently leaving her mouth as if preparing for any sort of bad news.

I snort, “Mariana is doing great, surprisingly. She’s back in Mexico and just taking some time off. She met someone and it seems like it’s going well. She said ‘hi’ by the way”. 

My little sister, Mariana, played for the Houston Dash until she had sustained an injury that completely took her out of the sport the last year. Her body was not responding to the treatments or physical therapy and, ultimately, she decided to retire. Mariana elected to go live in Mexico and stay with our grand parents now that she “had all the time in the world for the first time in her life”. 

Katrina looks at me confused but shakes it away, “Your sister is really something, toughest girl I’ve ever met”.

I laugh, “Yeah and me the complete opposite, which is why you are the bug killer in this relationship”. I say talking out the vegetables from the bag and placing it amongst the rest. 

With a shrug Katrina said, “Well, you pay me back in fixing things around the places I’ve lived in…by the way can you do me a favor? I, may have made the latch loose on backyard gate…again…can you tell me how to fix it…again?”

My eyes meet hers as I feign frustration…”Cariño, you’re going to have to remember because what if it breaks…again and Im not around. I don’t want creeps coming into your backyard because you can’t fix it…just this once I’ll do it for you ok”. 

I sigh and leave the groceries on the dinner table and head out the back but not before I lean down and give her a quick kiss on the lips…”God, what would you do without me?” I joke.

______________________________________________________________________

The gate quietly locks behind me with a click. I feel a stir under the rebozo (thick shawl) on my chest, I gently caress the top of her head through the shawl and the movement stops. I lift the top of the rebozo and see that she did remain asleep. 

I smile softly down and whisper. “She’ll be so excited to meet you”.

 I look back at the house and see the lights on within giving off a warm glow. I begin walking and look over at the, now, empty, painted pots that line the wall underneath the window. 

I frown a bit, “damn, guess the roses didn’t make it did they?” I thought. 

As I continued closer to the door I notice several more “artistic” looking pots with doodles and little H’s adorning each and every one of them. 

A smile returned to my face as the memory came back to me.

______________________________________________________________

February 2020, Norway

The sun peaked through the clouds as Katrina and I sat looking outside the window of her home in Norway. A small heater directed at me as I meticulously continued to paint a medium sized pot. 

I hadn’t noticed that Katrina had stopped painting her own and just watched me as I seemed lost in what I was doing. My tongue sticking out of the side of my mouth as my attention was fully on the project in front of me.

“You not worried about getting paint on your ring, darling?” she said gesturing her paintbrush towards my left hand.

I finish up one little detail on the sun that I had just painted before I looked over to the ring in question.

“Oh shit…totally forgot to take it off.” my hands wiping off any paint before delicately taking off the ring from my finger and handing it to Katrina.

“Hold it for me?” I quietly ask before she silently takes the ring and places in her front pocket joining hers. 

Katrina caught my attention before I could find myself back to painting the pot in front of me.

“How’s Mariana doing?” the tone still careful.

I nod, “Uh she is pregnant actually, set to get married soon. She said that she wasn’t going to have a big thing and just get married at the courthouse…she’s still sad she couldn't make it out to our wedding last Fall ”

Katrina’s eyes widen at the mention of pregnancy, “Oh she’s pregnant? Congratulations to her then…can I ask?”. I notice that she starts to fiddle with her paintbrush as I continued painting with mine.

“What’s on your mind cariño?” my attention fully on her as she sighs softly.

She puts down her brush and takes one of my hands in hers. 

“Remember when talked about kids?...I know that you didn’t want to carry because of fear and I said I would be happy to just only when I feel ready to…(y/n), I’ve been thinking and I think I’m ready to do it, there’s a lot of support with IVF here in Norway and I’ve done the research because I know that you worry and-” she stops once I squeeze her hand. She hadn’t noticed that my eyes were already filled with tears. 

“Cariño, there is absolutely nothing I would want more. I will try to be there for you as much as I can even if it means taking time off with Chelsea” I say now holding her hands tightly in mine.

Katrina, immediately, shakes her head, “hey you have been dreaming of playing for Chelsea since you were young…I can’t ask for you to leave in your first season with them”. 

I laugh a little as I clean my eyes and nose with a leftover napkin “fine you win…well I should buy more pots when our kid is around I want to make sure they have one too.”

We had started our lives together and we were making the step to make it bigger. I had intended, no matter how much money it was going to cost me, to fly to Norway on my free weekends to see Katrina through her pregnancy. 

However, COVID completely shut me off and away from Katrina. Through facetimes filled with my constant worrying of her getting sick while she was pregnant were frequent but not enough to sustain me. 

I had only seen her once or twice after following the strict travel restrictions and I was nothing but elated. 

Katrina had asked how my sister was doing. I had shared with her that Mariana delivered a healthy baby girl, Corey. However, the news did not carry the same lightness as before, the father of the child had left Mariana before Corey was born.

Disregarding Katrina’s protests, I took a bit of time off with Chelsea to just be with her when she finally gave birth to our little Harper. Mariana, joined me in crying over our little addition to the family telling Katrina that “Corey, can’t wait to meet her”. 

Katrina would go to the Brisbane Roar for a time, while I remained in England. Katrina and I were experts in the aspects of a long distance relationship, that didn’t stop my heart from aching from not seeing Harper.  Mariana would fill in those gaps as she would send video after video of her and Corey. Katrina would also fill my phone with pictures of our little Harper…

I wish I could just live in that moment again when my only worry was when would be the time I would see either of them.

______________________________________________________________

As I moved quietly to the front door, I stopped myself from knocking. I couldn’t just yet…I missed Katrina and I knew she missed me but it had been so long since I had seen her. I plopped down on the steps away from the door. 

I pulled Corey closer to me, and she, in turn, buried herself even more into my chest…I just needed a moment to myself. I was early so Katrina wouldn’t be expecting me and plus I was hidden away from the windows; away from any curious eyes.

My breath came out white as I sighed looking towards the gate in front of me. The last time I was here I was leaving…leaving for Mexico as soon as I heard the news. Chelsea received a rushed email stating that I would be unavailable until further notice and Katrina saw me frantically packing.

I, absentmindly, started to play with my ring finger always forgetting that there was no ring there to play with. Katrina should have been madder at me then.

______________________________________________________________

February 2022, Sweden

The soft glow of my phone filled the room before the default ringtone woke me up. I carefully reached over trying not to move Katrina as much as she was asleep against my chest. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I look and see my grandmother was on the other line. 

My grandmother never called without notice opting to only call when she knew that I would be awake. I answer and interrupt her before she starts asking her to just give me a minute in as soft of whisper I could muster.

I quietly leave Katrina’s side, walk by Harper’s bed by our and into the corridor. A yawn escapes me as I finally prompt my abuela to continue with what she was calling about.

“Ah mi niña, tu hermana esta muy mala, le encontramos en el piso desmayada y quieria avisar le,creo que tu necesitas a venir a vistar la…no sabemos cuanto le falta” (Ah, my daughter, your sister is not doing well, we found her passed out and we wanted to let you know, I think that you need to come and visit her, we don’t know how much time she has left). 

I do not remember what I responded but it must have been something akin to “I’m headed there now” as I immediately went to my laptop and bought the first ticket there. I moved through our home with complete disregard of the noise I was making at 3:30 am nor I didn’t know I was crying until I felt Katrina’s arms around me, calmly, saying my name to bring me out of my panicked state. 

The clothes still bunched up in my hands as I broke down. “It’s Mariana” was all I could hiccup. Katrina rubbing my back as she led me out of the room to not wake Harper. 

“How is Mariana?” she whispered the careful tone still there. 

I shook my head as I continued, “she’s dying, I have to go to see her…I can’t be here…I-” I start breathing slowly to calm my self as Katrina held me, I hadn’t even noticed that we were sat on the ground, her hand running up and down my back.

She smiles and nods as she herself tries to keep the tears from falling, “You go, I will be ok with Harper here, I know how much Mariana means to you…she means a lot to me too. Go take care of her…just know that I will be here for you and I… I still love you, even after all of this time…all the times we have been apart…I love you. Mariana is lucky to have you as an older sister as I am to have you as my wife”

______________________________________________________________

November 2023, Sweden

I was gone more than a year, Mariana had passed a month after I had arrived in our parent’s small home town. My parents, estranged, would not be there. Definitely not for the daughter they thought would defend their homophobia when I came out to them but defended me fiercely to her last breath.

I handled everything from the funeral, looking after my grandparents and the caring of little Corey. I watched the world cup from the bar counter of little restaurant on the corner. Bouncing Corey on me knee as I watched my wife make history. 

Katrina kept my ring safe with her, I do not trust my aunts at all especially after the fall out I had with my mother. The final check off of my list was preparing for the adoption of Corey. Once she was, in all eyes of the law, my own daughter we said our goodbyes and headed back to Sweden...back to Katrina and Harper…back home.

I sighed as I rubbed my eyes when the cold breeze hit me. The door behind me opened and enveloped me in a warm glow. It took me a few moments to register Katrina’s arms around my neck as she nuzzled her way into hair whispering, “Welcome home”.

I leaned back into her still holding Corey ahead of me as I then heard the pitter patter of little feet and a little “Mama” was heard as another weight was added on my back.

I laughed for the first time in a while, “Hey you two, careful don’t want to crush Harper’s new big sister” I say getting up. 

The sleeping bundle now with open eyes was let loose and with renewed energy hugged Harper and ran into the home pulling her in to play leaving me with Katrina. 

She grabbed me and kissed me like it was the first time and grabbed my hand as we separated. 

“I think this belongs to you, darling” She said slipping the wedding ring onto my finger as I clasped her hand once she did. 

I bring her in close, “of course it does…I love you, cariño” her lips capturing mine. 

Now two little voices came from within the home, “Mama!”. We enter hand in hand with our new favorite little distractions.

[una-hopeless-romantic1118]

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐀 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐬?—𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐑𝐨𝐣𝐚𝐬/𝐑𝐡𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐬

a/n: i died but im back for u hangry warren sluts<3333. following after the events of Part 2. ALSO changed the last name to Augustine bc i love the last name :3

timeline: ep. 3 

-> Part 1  

-> Part 2  

This chapter: Part 3

Part 4 

Part 5 

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

warnings: cursing, drinking, hangovers, angsty y/n again, not proofread at all. it’s way too long than the other ones whoopsies. 

summary: a slow morning at y/n’s condo starts with warren, who makes it his mission to get to know the girl better, before pulling a “mastermind” of his own as well.

i never realized this but y/n in the first part was literally being a mastermind by taylor swift. AND WE STAN🤞🤞

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Warren didn’t wake up to the sound of Graham’s and Eddie’s loud chatter, the loud clinking of pans as Karen prepares for breakfast, or Julia’s shrieking cries that rattled the whole house awake, but it was the waves gently crashing in the distance.

Outside, through the light blue, almost translucent, curtains of the clear sliding door, he could see the sun about to rise in the most beautiful state ever. A mixture of the shades purple, orange, and pink, and it was perfect.

It sounds like it doesn’t make any sense at all, and if someone were to ever tell him that the sky could be this pretty, he wouldn’t have believed them. He would’ve waved it off as the coke talking.

But seeing it now, just having woken from the best sleep he’s had in a while, it was real and true. It impressed him. So much so that it drove him to get up from the couch he was sleeping at to take a closer look, as if he was a child waking up early to find his backyard snowing.

He swept off the curtain for a clearer look. 

“Holy shit,” he whispered heavily under his breath that the window had fogged up.

The sky was even better with the curtain swept off to the side. It was like he was in the middle of a painting. 

It was too good to be true.

Beneath the sunrise, the waves that woke him up continued its rhythmic pattern of gentle crashes on the shore, the bubbling it leaves on the sand, and then back to the ocean to gather energy to crash again.

He could stand there and watch it for hours.

His shared house Laurel Canyon was confined, there were barely any windows, and they didn’t have the nearest access to the beach.

He managed to peel his eyes off the scenery before him to look around the condo.

Who knew a celebrity’s condo could be so comforting? It wasn’t just the outside scenery that was comforting, but strangely, it was the mess of the living room.

The loose and weirdly shaped, different colored pieces of cloth on the table in front of the couch, an even bigger mess on the tables with the sewing machines, and loose pieces of paper with sketches of colorful designs.

Stylish designs, but some of them are bolder, more uniquely colored designs, that he knows there’s more to them than meets the eye, but are all x’ed over like mistakes.

He took note that some of them were indicated to be bejeweled pieces of clothing, decorated with nothing but jewels, gems, and silver, and it completely stands out from her usual tight, petite looking designs. Some were clothing pieces that were flowy and wispy, and if one were to put their arms out at the wind, it creates that free feeling statement. 

He picks up the sketches on the floor and tables, subconsciously starting a properly stacked pile of papers and placing them on the table, making sure to make a separate pile of the ones that are x’ed out.

•─────⋅(cut to documentary)⋅─────• 

Warren: I mean, the way she was talked about back then was unbelievable. I’m not over exaggerating when I say this, but I was probably one of the only people she had over at that condo.

She had hundreds of friends and admirers, so it kinda made me question how I was welcomed in. And knowing enough about her at the time, it wasn’t because I was a rockstar and she was a hard core fan.

*he lifts himself up from his seat* Mind if I get something real quick? 

Interviewer: Sure.

*he walks out of the camera’s view and into a room in his boat. not long, he comes back with a newspaper in hand.*

Warren: This is just one of the many newspapers I saw her name in, in big, white, bold letters. *he sits back down* I never saw something from the corner of my eye and recognize it this well.

Interviewer: Why’d you keep it?

Warren: *he shrugs with a smile* It’s the little things that matter, sobrina! She still smiles seeing this every now and then.

I bought this at a local grocery store when I was walking around the town she lived at, looking for takeout to get for the two of us. After I found some, I brought four plates of the same order, two milkshakes, and headed back with this and the food.

Interviewer: Well, what made you feel the need to stay?

Warren: Who in the right mind would want to waste their time not spending it with Y/N? *he flips the newspaper’s front to face him* I took my chance, but it wasn’t what I wanted in the first place. I just thought it’d be nice to have a friend like her and get to know her better.

*he hesitates* with a siiide of benefits, because the woman was too interesting to be someone I could just wave off into the past.

But listen to this, the most dramatic title ever *he snickered* :

“ Y/N Augustine! Her rise has been as catastrophic, luminous, and stunning as a supernova itself-! ”

I’m sorry- *he snickered behind the newspaper* I can’t, man. I don’t know how I managed to go through with showing her this, knowing damn well she would’ve laughed at it too. But I know she needed to see it. Especially at that time.

Interviewer: Would you say that that morning was the beginning for you guys? Like the rest of the band said?

Warren: *he nods with a smirk* Hell yeah.

•─────⋅(cut back)⋅─────•

Warren, with two bags of the four styrofoam containers of food in one hand, contained in one of the bags the horrible newspaper, while holding a cup holder with two drinks on the other, placed the drinks on the floor momentarily to open the door.

Just opening a small crack, he was immediately met with a blasting vinyl player. Bob Marley & The Wailers, he recognized, Could You Be Loved.

There was a spark of amusement that made Warren chuckle under his breath.

As soon as he made the small crack of the door, he squished through with the breakfast in his hands, pushing the door wider with his arm.

He marched over the counter by the kitchen to place the food, and when he turned around, he was met with a wildly haired, wide eyed short woman, with a baseball bat ready to swing his head out of his body.

•─────⋅(cut to documentary)⋅─────•

Y/N: I had to have a baseball bat. I bought it from a local Dick’s Sporting Goods because I couldn’t buy anything...else.

It wasn’t because I liked the sport. It was good enough because even if you didn’t know how to use it “the right way,” It would hurt the other person anyways.

I was just a woman who happened to be living alone. I needed all the protection I could get from bastards creeping into my house. 

•─────⋅(cut back)⋅─────•

“FUCKING BASTARD!” Y/N yelled. “WARREN WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“ME?” He yelled back. “YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE FUCKING WEAPON. PUT IT DOWN BEFORE I SHIT MY FUCKING PANTS."

Y/N pants as she lowers the bat slowly. “I thought you...I thought you left?...”

"Geeze, woman. Really?” He exhaled out, in pure disbelief. To think he would leave after the events of last night, with so many things to talk about, he wanted all the answers he could get. 

So many things that can happen from then on. 

Her in her silk sleep dress and baseball bat was not what he had in mind at all, though.

In other words, he wanted her. He wouldn’t have gotten her all of this food if he didn’t. And that says a lot.

In the distance, the reggae music continued with another one.

“Sorry,” she winced. “I thought you were an intruder.”

Warren tries to shake off his trembling subtly. “Eh, it’s all good. I went out to get food. Milkshakes, hash browns, scrambled eggs, toast.” He drummed on the plates as he tells her.

Y/N’s eyes widen, but she proceeds to march up to the counter and salivate over the delicious smell. 

Not long after, she begins to dive in, seemingly forgetting about how she almost near blew Warren’s head open.

She also seemed to be completely ignoring Warren’s amused, yet admiring gaze on her.

She nods to him. “So, is this like, aftercare?” She grabs a fork in a drawer and begins picking at the scrambled eggs. “Back home they usually just leave.”

It takes Warren a few seconds to recover from the wild suggestion. “We didn’t...sleep together, Y/N.” He said carefully. “But if you really want to know what aftercare could be with me, then we should definitely do something about that.”

Y/N, already with a mouthful of eggs, tilt her head in confusion. “What is this all for, then?” She ignored the brave remark.

Warren sighs defeatedly into his shoulder. “Thought I’d be nice. Figured you’d have a hangover.” 

He grabs a toast. “And I thought you said you were from here? Or was that also...”

“No, I am from here,” Y/N nods. “But after my parents’ divorce when I was 10, my dad and me and my three brothers moved to France to where our grandparents were at.” She swallows the remnants of scrambled eggs in her mouth. “I moved back here after quitting 2 years of...school-” 

Warren tuts when he notices the long pause between of and school. “Tell me.”

“No.”

“Yes,” he widened his eyes at her, wagging a piece of toast in her face. “It’s the least you could do. I bought you food that could last you the whole day.”

“I never asked for this!”

“How bad of a major was it that you won’t tell me?” Warren chuckled. “What was it? Dentistry? Dance? Clinical? A foot massager?”

“A foot massager?!” She screeched.

“Holy shit! Are you serious?”

Y/N slaps his hard in his upper arm, which caused Warren to yell out. “Shit! Baby, that stung.”

“Don’t call me baby,” she gagged. “Don’t baby me!”

“But you’re so cut-Ow! Fine, geeze.” He goes to massage his arm after the second slap, now that it was sending tingling sensations, worse than the one before. “I think it’s actually making my arm paralyzed, Y/N. Great fucking job.”

“Good. I hope the paralysis reaches your brain.”

“I won’t let it,” he sighs miserably as he continues to massage his arm. “Now tell me your major, please.”

“No!” She chuckled nervously. “It’s embarrassing.”

“I won’t laugh, I promise.” He lied. Of course he’d laugh, he did just make her blush from embarrassing her.

A silent pause. “...Astrophysics.”

Warren’s hand raced to his mouth to stop himself from absolutely losing it in front of her. And she already looked embarrassed, and with the way she was clutching on to her fork looked like she want to dive it into her eye. 

“...Wow.” He muffled against his hand. “I mean...wow...”

But when a snicker escaped from his lips, Y/N frowns. “You promised!”

“I never promised anything!” He laughed out loud now. Howling laughter, that tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. “What a nerd!”

“Fuck off.” She groaned, walking to him only to push him away.

“Little French nerd!” But it wasn’t until she got up in front of his face, way too close than she intended, was she reminded of last night.

Of course Y/N remembered the kiss. And while she rarely got drunk, those rare times were always “on accident,” and would always have to be her last straw. It was always in hopes to avoid and forget, but it wouldn’t last for however she wanted. She still remembers things.

For a while, she’s been thinking about moving back to France. Back to her family, back to her friends and back to the insane craze of lover culture—anyone, to desperately get a way out of this depressing hold called loneliness.

But she knows she couldn’t just leave because she’d be leaving way too much. It’s way too important to leave for company or love. 

The kiss was nice, and made her feel nice momentarily. Warren’s nice too, bringing her breakfast and all, and cleaning her living room/primary workplace for her that she noticed as soon as she walked in, which is a tad confusing and unnecessary, especially after her little trick on him.

She’s flattered by the guy. Charmed, even.

But Y/N has been in doubt about many things, but this shouldn’t be any different. The feelings will pass, she’s convinced herself, and she will be able to get herself back on track.

So she walks back to where she was before.

When Y/N gets herself to look at him again, there’s a certain way that Warren’s face pinched that sent Y/N to feel extremely guilty.

“Why’d you drop out?” He exhaled out heavily.

“Warren...” She warned with pained expression.

“Hey, it’s just a genuine question.” He raised his hands in surrender. “How does someone go from being a super nerd to a hot piece fashionista?”

“Fuck you, I have always been a hot piece.” She scrunched her nose. “I wasn’t happy, that was it. I mean, I loved studying it and reading about it, but I didn’t want it as a job. I wish I realized it earlier.”

Warren nods. “So you were an unhappy hot piece.” He faked sympathy.

“I was an unhappy hot piece.” She nodded along.

He takes a sip of his milkshake before swishing it around his mouth. “And now?” He swallows. “Are you happier now?” 

Y/N made the mistake of saying “um...” instead of just jumping into it with a lie.

Say yes.

All Y/N could do was bite her tongue and look up.

Y/N, just fucking lie.

“Hey...it’s okay if you’re not.”

Y/N bites her bottom lip gently as she picks at the scrambled egg in front of her.

“Maybe I need another career change.” She snickered. But, no. It’s not it this time, and she knows it.

“I was hoping you would say that.” Warren wagged a finger at her before walking off to the stack of papers at one of her sewing desk.

She watches as he walks back to her with a whole, separated stack of them. “I saw your sketches earlier when I was cleaning up.” 

“Congrats,” she said with a mouthful of toast. “You’re the first person to see them.”

“No way?” He chuckled with his raspy voice. “Oh, shit. Wow...and is there, like, an award system for this? ‘Cuz I feel like I deserve some sort of…award for witnessing such, fine, art...” He made sure to look intently at her.

Y/N tried to hide her growing smile. “So about the sketches you said?....”

Warren shook his head with a small smile on his face. “They were good. All of them.”

Y/N shrugged nonchalantly, faking a blushed expression. “Top notch feedback. New York critics better watch out.” 

“Hey, I’m telling the truth,” he laughs out, “especially the crossed out ones.”

Y/N stops mid-bite of her toast. She blinks a few times, before finally meeting Warren in the eyes. 

“I mean, why are they crossed out in the first place?” He questioned, genuine curiosity in his voice. “They looked amazing.”

“They looked like shit.” She countered his compliment. 

Warren insisted for a further explanation with a simple nod.

“They’re not...normal,” she tried. “If I went through with them and made them, I would’ve wasted my time, and not to mention, embarrass the models. They wouldn’t be able to show their faces or get another modeling gig if I forced them into clothes like those.”

“Okay, well, forget about the models right now,” Warren offered, with a mouthful of scrambled eggs. “Why are they shit? Because they don’t look like it.”

Y/N shrugs as she swallows. She knows they weren’t shit, but that they were too bold of a statement. “I just don’t see the average people to wear them.”

“That’s because average people shouldn’t be wearing them.” Warren snickered. “You know you’re the #1 brand right now? Serenity’s been on cover magazines everywhere I go, with your name plastered at the top as if it was it’s own title.”

He pulls out the newspaper from the bag and faced it in front of her.

It only takes her a few minutes skimming the page to break out laughing.

•─────⋅(cut to documentary)⋅─────•

Y/N: It was such a horribly cheesy compliment *she pinched the bridge of her nose* I should’ve sued their ass back then.

•─────⋅(cut back)⋅─────•

Warren laughs along with her. “I saw it on the walk back here. Thought I’d show it to you to convince you.”

Y/N chuckles, wiping a tear forming from the corner of her eye. “Convince me that my work is as catastrophic as a supernova?” She laughs into her arms. 

He nods. “That you should go through with making the clothes. You’re amazing. And sorry for saying this, but I never pegged you to be the type of person to care what other people think.”

“Well I do,” Y/N argued, her laughter gradually dying down. “I do care.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“It’s my work. I’m supposed to.” She met his eyes again. “What do you know about it?”

“I don’t know jack shit about fashion, you’re right,” Warren agrees. He leans closer to her on the counter, “but I know if you keep pushing creativity like these to the side, the world will be missing out on a whole side of Y/N Augustine.”

“And how are you so sure it’s something they’d want to see?”

“Alright, listen,” he proposes. “They’re not shit. They’re just different. They’re never-seen-before’s, that’s why you’re scared to make them.”

Y/N still looked unsurely at the papers laid in front of her. Warren pushes them to her so that they’re closer.

He points at one of the x’ed out drawings. Under the drawing was his name written with a smiley face and a phone number.

“I gotta run. Band practice.” He tells her, before quickly pecking her cheek and beelining to the front door.

Biting back a smile, she calls out after him.“When do you want this?”

“As soon as you want to see me again.” He flashed her a smile, winked, before finally closing the door behind him.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

taglist (aka beautiful people): @pinkdaiisies @mlwriting5 @teletubbysteroids @linatells @stanzie @arsonkween @rexorangecouny @lisbeth122605 @cultsanrio @thatoneawesomechicka @magicalmiserybore @sourholland @sunfairyy. @lilyhw1 @viridianflowers��  @goldenjasssy​

[heart-shaped-pupa]

Pact TV show like 6 episodes per season and each episode like 50 minutes long.

First episode Last Will starts with a cold open scene of Molly running through the woods before screaming, and then "4 months earlier..." on the screen and Blake getting off his bike while a voice over says "Damn me, damn them, damn it all" - midway point in the episode is Rose telling him to run. They make it to Hillsglade house, and the episode ends with them finding the Library and seeing Rose Sr.'s names on the demon books. Second episode Under Oath cold open with young Rose Sr. at the catholic school trying to get her book back, Intro sequence happens, and Blake n Rose are in the library reading. Laird arrives and the half way point twist is them getting time jumped! Second half of the episode is them getting away from the faeries, arguing abt being witch hunters, and taking the oath of Awakening. Third episode Persona Non Grata cold open is the famulus interview w the Nightmare. After the intro sequence Blake fails to get a pizza, decides to go shopping during the window of safe passage, fails, tries his big play at the meeting, fails, but! Succeeds at winning June as an ally at the end. Fourth episode Opposing Counsel cold open with Sandra Duchamp and the High Drunk. Episode is Ms. Lewis's time to shine, but also folds in lots of the info from interlude 2.x - Ms. Lewis quizzes them about implements when fixing the hatchet binding, quizzes them about familiars while dealing with the faerie, and quizzes them abt demesnes while showing off Johannes'. Rose knows the answers, Blake mostly doesn't. Episode ends with Maggie Holt at the house Cliffhanger.

Fifth episode Fire and Brimstone Pretty much just a whole episode of a Maggie interlude. First half is the destruction of her city. Second half is her with Blake in Hillsglade, Laird comes in, sparks the conflict between them, Maggie is upset and runs off into the woods (to secret location) Episode ends with the reveal that Laird had her do it!

Sixth episode the season 1 finale! Breach - Cold open with a scene of the Briar Girl first meeting her Familiar, intro happens, Blake and Rose bottle Leonard, argue about the ineffectiveness of ghosts decide they need decisive action. Blake talks with Briar girl, learns how to use glamour, and halfway point in the episode is Blake going into disguise and walking up toward the Behaim-Duchamp Backyard Barbeque. He stops the ritual, escapes, but has to struggle home in the cold recovering from excessive glamour use. Andy watches him find out about the time field, drives off, and Blake collapses in the snow while Rose calls out for the lawyers! Dramatic cliffhanger Blake whispers "help..." and passes out.

[grapejuicestyless]

i have had this idea for so long, but i really think you could do this justice. sort of like the film the holiday!!! but not really set in Christmas and more so through the seasons. harry moves out of the city (doesn’t need to be a singer and could just be a CEO) into a small village in a lovely cottage where all of the furniture is mismatched and there’s sash windows which are always open. He’s there for a few months before he starts to feel lonely so decides to bring in a lodger! He hand makes posters and puts them on the village hall board and … he finally gets a taker! It’s a quirky girl who is totally all over the place and she moves in .. the seasons change and so does their relationship.. friends to lovers OR ACTUALLY maybe it could be so interesting for it to be enemies to lovers! That could be fun to write. But idk I’ve been thinking about it for so long !!! They could organise a dinner party for friends one night or maybe Harry goes away to the city for a meeting and that’s where y/n realises how much she misses him / likes him. Definitely has to be fluffy but also needs to have some drama. I haven’t figured that out yet 😭😭😭 I’m so sorry for this really long rambly post but I wanted to give u as much of my brain as possible lol. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see what you would do with this / if it’s something you’re even interested in. Have a gorgeous evening / day / morning xxx love you!!💖💖💖💖💖

Bad People

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Harry and Y/n met by pure luck. Sharing secrets and laughing like little kids, ribs and cheeks hurting. Y/n is sure Harry is destined to be in her life forever. She’s just not sure when that became a bad thing.

FLANGST/FRIENDS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS

The pale blue sky looked gray from certain windows. The glass was cracked and the stove stained with boiled over soup broth and old sprinklings of spices.

The birds sang solemnly, humming the tune to what I believed sounded like something you’d hear at a funeral. Here, the pavement was cracked and the stars were consistently covered with clouds. Snow, more often than not, fell heavily. From October to April. The nearby ocean nearly always too cold to swim in. The backyard pool cold and clean, still with nobody to inhabit it.

All the beauty ripped from the earth, and replaced with another kind of it. I wouldn’t mind it half as much, if I had someone to enjoy the snow with. To enjoy the polar plunges, the visible breath and numb fingers.

Like old times sake, snowmen and snowball fights. Sledding or fort making. Rosy cheeks and icy hair a memory of the past. Cheeks hurting from smiles, not the winter chill.

The laughter of my mother was long gone, and my brother outgrew his desire for a sibling as soon as he turned sixteen. Few friends, not any at least, that would enjoy the activities the white powder offered.

So now, I look out the window, nursing a glass of wine propped up on the windowsill. I don’t see the snow day ahead or pray for a white Christmas. I pray that one day, I’ll find someone to enjoy it with me. To soothe the pain little eight year old me suffered with the absence of her father, her distant mother and her selfish brother.

“Looking at it won’t make it fall any faster, Y/n.” The puff of air coming from my nose fogs up to cool glass, and my fingers leave prints along the center.

He’s not looking at me, he rarely does when we aren’t fighting. It’s like I disgust him. I feel like a fool every god damn time.

“Have you always naturally been an asshole or did you grow into it?” I don’t look at him, but I feel his gaze settle on my reflection in the glass. His voice alone urges me to take a large drink from the wine glass. The ruby red staining my top lip. I spread it around and taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.

He begins to leave, almost succeeding without a passing glance, but biting his tongue is something Harry nor I have ever been able to do. So it’s natural how he goes for the last word.

“Theres only so much wine, Y/n.” He teases. I down the rest while he walks away. The sigh that leaves my mouth after I feel the ghost of him leaving me isn’t only for air, but because suddenly the room feels lighter.

It’s funny, how someone so special can leave such a disgusting taste in your mouth. Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing. To remember that it wasn’t always like this. I didn’t always hate my old friend, bounded to me through the home we share. I once enjoyed the company of Harry styles.

It was nearly a year since I’d moved in. A year since the snow turned to thick ice and roads became bare with people too afraid to try and navigate through the harsh winter.

Nearly a year since I first saw the house at the end of the road, with a neat front lawn and a tree with hanging branches ready to snap.

A red scarf and red mittens is what I wore. With a faded brown coat and worn blue jeans. A hat on top of my head and a journal tucked underneath my arm. He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. The stars in the night sky didn’t quite shine as bright as his eyes, I swore it to myself.

He had an english accent, one that I wasn’t familiar with. Peach fuzz and dark chocolate curls a mess on his head. When I told him my job, he laughed, but something about his shocked expression after told me he didn’t mean it cruelly. Rather, that he was shocked, or just piecing the puzzle together.

“I’m my mother’s daughter.” I told him, “She always had a thing for poetry. The sappy ones with the tragic endings. I got it from her and I’m damn good at it.” I smiled at him then, and he smiled back bigger.

“It’s just funny. Moving somewhere so quiet for a job all about fantasy and adventure.” He explained, already guiding the two of us through the wide doorway. I set my boots in the old entryway which it seemed he had turned into a mud room. I admired the shade of green on the wall and nodded along. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

That night, while settling into my new space, I shared with him my life. My goals and dreams. With his toothy smile and boyish eyes, he made it so easy to trust him. I sat on my newly made bed and he sat in my spinning chair by my desk. Moving it back and forth, swaying slowly. A cigarette started dangling from his pocket, I still remember the way he took it between his thumb and his index finger. Rolling it around, debating whether or not to light it. It was like he didn’t know he had it.

“I didn’t take you for a smoker.” I laughed at him, he laughed back. Shy almost, only looking at me for a moment.

“M’not. A few here and there. Helps to wind down.” When he ran his hand through his hair, I remember seeing all his rings. A rose and two with his initials. One looked like a lion. That one was my favorite.

Other than his charming smile and infectious laughter, I knew nothing of him, I had come to realize. Here he was, knowing about my family and friends. My job and my hobbies. All I had asked him was his name.

When I asked him, he was just as talkative as I was. A sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his job. I remember specifically, how they lit up extra bright when he mentioned his mother, Anne, and his older sister, Gemma. I learned about his job too. Harry had everything he could ever truly want. The money, the power, the glory. His office at the top floor overlooking the bustling city that never sleeps. Families dancing around the square and traffic backed up into the city line.

The sad thing was, that even with all this pride he got to carry with his reputation, the city was no home to him. The summer held no comfort. Not the same now that he was long out of school. The heat was simply uncomfortable. His lavish suit sticking to his skin. Even the air conditioner couldn’t soothe the pounding of his head against the strong New York heat.

His nose stung in the summer. The warmer it got, the worse it smelled. Garbage littering the streets no longer covered by thick snow. Tourists and their children filling up all his favorite places of relaxation. Each carrying their own scent from home. The calming pine from the North or the tangy citrus of the west coast.

Harry felt no true love for his home anymore. No real attachment. There was no smell of home, and there certainly wasn’t any old faces with their gravelly voices and thick accents. If it weren’t for the business there, he would’ve fled somewhere else long ago. Somewhere quieter. Somewhere that felt like home. If he could, he would have tucked himself back into the small home his mother raised him and his sister in. He would’ve curled up happily in his twin bed and looked out the same crooked window each night and feel happy with only that.

He tells me that when he got in the car waiting for him at the airport, he was tempted to tell the driver to take him home, to see if it would make him smile. He’d seen the gag used in all the old rom-coms he and his mother used to watch. The short blonde running from the love of her life only to be led back into his arms. But Harry know’s better. He tells me so. So when the driver asks him where to, he tells him the address.

He told me about his work life. How there was a branch out in the UK. The one that started it all. And as his success grew, so did his aspirations and his needs. London no longer provided him with the luxury and opportunity that New York could. So he swapped out his office for a penthouse and acted like the smell of burning garbage and mysterious wet spots on the sidewalks didn’t bother him.

It’s a vicious cycle. To outgrow, to long for, to move, to hate all over again. Thats how he decided that London has just what he needed. His business within reach and smaller towns surrounding its borders.

“And what about now? Are you happy?” Harry crinkled his eyes then, smiling a nodding along. He didn’t even mind it then, when I would interrupt. In fact, he welcomed it. Claimed he loved hearing me talk.

I agreed with him when he said that the grass is greener down here. The stars are just that much brighter and theres not a single car honking their horn past nine. All things that left him feeling a whole lot calmer than the chaos of the city.

Here, Harry told me he didn’t mind not living in a lavish penthouse just a few blocks away from his work. Here, he was hours away from the city. He stays in a medium sized cape cod styled house, pre-decorated from the past owners who didn’t care to take their things when they left for something bigger. It sticks out from the rest of the homes nearby. He wonders how something so different ended up within the same area. And he smiled and sat on the floor when I laughed and told him he’d already lived quite the life for a nearly-thirty year old man.

When silence took over after over an hour long conversation, I bit at my nails and looked at the floor. Suddenly, it came to me.

“Harry?” I had asked. He hummed, looking at me. Even if I hadn’t looked back, I could still feel his eyes on mine. “What made you want a roommate?” When my eyes flickered up to his, I saw no hate, or disgust, or shame. Nothing that I am familiar with now in Harry’s eyes. I saw curiosity, warmth and happiness.

“I like the quiet. I like being able to sleep without someone yelling down the hallway. I like how green it is over here.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue. “But the quiet get’s lonely. And while I like the quiet, I hate being alone.” And it made me smile back then. Maybe it still does thinking about it know. He had been helping me in finding a home, some place warm to stay. Meanwhile, I had been able to give back. Give him what he wanted. At the time, my heart warmed.

For a long time after that, Harry made my heart beat fiercely. He brought me flowers and made us pancakes. Freshly picked blueberries from the local market. He cracked jokes and I repeated them back between our broken laughter, imitating his english accent.

He was a charming man, with an energy that invited and kept you drawn to him. Everyone wanted to be around Harry. The men and the women. Always wanting a piece of the pie. I felt rich in life, that while others had to work for a lifelong friendship with him, naturally, we fit together. We worked.

He entered my life by some kind of coincidence. I needed a place to stay and he was offering a room up.

When he brushed his thumb over my knuckles and kissed the skin, I believed we would be like this forever. Just the two of us.

When he whispered to me that he loved me that same night, I thought it was something he would never take back. Something that would never change. His warm breath and glistening eyes. He was red and shiny. A bottle of the cheap champagne sat on the table and an empty glass beside him. I let his lips trail around my hand and laugh at his antics.

“Harry.” I mumbled into the darkness, he doesn’t move. I silently giggle again after he puffs air out of his own nose onto my hand playfully. His shoulders shake with his own fits of laughter, “Harry.” I call out again, and my eyes are met with his dazzling emerald ones. I almost got lost, forgot how to talk looking at him.

My palms were sweaty with nervousness then. My heart beating out of my chest. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. As a poet, it should have been easy to put my thoughts out in the open air. But they hadn’t sat within me for long enough to curate a straight forward answer.

How would I even manage to start on how beautiful I thought his brown hair was? Perfectly colored like milk chocolate treats that curled over his forehead. Or his toothy grin which pulled butterflies from the pit of my stomach and made me feel lighter? I couldn’t find just one thing to focus on. And the words that came out of my mouth tumbled out quickly.

“You’re my best friend.” I hoped that he would’ve been able to see how much love I held for him in my face. How even in the dim lighting of only the fireplace and the fading lamp in the corner, he could see how they sparkled just for him.

He pulled his hand away after that, clearing his throat and nodding. But he smiled so softly after that I didn’t see how his eyes welled up with tears. I only saw his perfectly pink lips and his rosy cheeks. For once, I wasn’t focused on his eyes, and I paid the price.

He never made pancakes for us after that night. Nor did he ever pick flowers from the fields or crack jokes until our stomachs hurt. My hand was never slotted between his and my head didn’t rest on top of his shoulders. He was colder, more distant. Quiet.

But the quiet grew old for us both. And the slipping away hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. I was everyone else in his life. Fighting for a spot in the light so he would see me, smile at me, acknowledge me.

Part of me wondered why he never asked me to leave. To pack my bags and find another innocent man to love because he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. But he never did. Harry hated being alone and I knew better than anyone else. I knew it because I was his best friend at some point. We shared the same breaths and drank from the same glasses. I wore his shirts and he used my hair clips. He kept me around not because he still wanted me, but because he still needed me. And the realization of it all hurts worse than the silence because it’s then I know that I’ve really lost him. It leaves me with the question, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’

I think back on that night when our world shifted on its axis and I go over every word that was said. I check for any signs of discomfort or anger and I find nothing. It plagues me with a new insecurity.

Maybe it wasn’t something I’d said, maybe it wasn’t something I’d done. Maybe the warmth from the champagne grew cold in his blood and the false euphoria from it all cleared from his peripheral vision and he realized that I was no longer enough. I was not what he wanted. The idea of his roommate becoming his only friend too pathetic for a man with such power.

Soon after, I stop putting up a fight. I stop fighting for a spot in his life and I stop trying to win back a man that was never mine. I figured at least if he could never be mine and I would never be his, at least I still got to see his pretty face everyday. And I could imagine that we never drifted.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost. The tears running down my cheeks are hot, burning my skin until my throat dully aches and my chest is red with flakes of nail polish and the dragging of my nails clawing at my chest.

I am sobbing, broken and tired. I dream of a life that is not as miserable. I dream of a life where I no longer doubt the things I love. Where I don’t have to question my friend’s loyalty.

He knocks on my door, leaning against it in only his flannel pants. He has tattoos that compliment his skin so well. He looks like a painting. I’m relieved to see him again. Even if it’s under these circumstances.

I wait for him to speak, even if it’s merely a mumble. Even if I cannot understand.

“Can you stop crying? I can’t sleep.” He requests. My lips part and I swear my lungs collapse within my chest. I can’t breathe and somehow I remain composed.

“Okay.” I say quietly, nodding along and trying to find his eyes. They look at the floor, and his face is contorted like it pained him to say that to me. Like it was against his will. But he doesn’t even look at me.

When he leaves, I collapse, shoulder shaking with rage, sadness, confusion instead of the contagious laughter that once rang out through the halls.

I decide then, July moon shining through the sash windows of my room that I couldn’t continue holding onto Harry. My heart still beats for him and my eyes still sparkled when his own lingered for just a moment longer on me, but I couldn’t like him.

Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing.

After that night, his selfish wishes turn to bitter comments which turn to vicious attacks at my confidence. And my resilience and devotion to silence, to ignore the cruelty of it all is worn thin. My bitten tongue is freed and I am betrayed by my own words. My own comments targeted at his deepest hurts. It’s a mutual hate between us, a mutual dislike.

We live within the same four walls, the same windows and creaky roof over our heads. We cook in the same kitchen and we sit on the same couch, but we cannot stand each other anymore. The house is no longer filled with love, and the warm heat turns to bitter cold. And yet, neither of us have the guts to leave.

We sit here, in a life thats so mean to us just because we are afraid of the loneliness that is surely to come with the other’s absence.

We are here, but we aren’t present. It makes me laugh, it makes me wonder.

Who could ever leave me? But who could stay?

The candles burned down to the floor, wax melting over the wood as the lights set a warm, homely mood for the night. The late December rush throughout the town turned to the few and far between searching for last minute supplies to ring in the new year. It’s peacefully still outside, and the dining room looks so nice I forget why the candles burn and our nicest plates are set out.

Harry insisted on having a small gathering with some of our friends to celebrate the new year before he went away for sometime for work. Being roommates, despite our lack of interest in establishing our own friendship, his friends become my friends and mine become his. It’s a fairly large group that was once two. But have now become so closely intertwined that it seems hard to differentiate who was friends with who first.

There was wine, pastas and breads. Hams and potatoes. Drinks and endless desserts. It felt nice, to have all those people we cared so deeply about chip in and help to create such a lovely meal for the few of us.

Hearing that first doorbell ring to see all of our friends stood proudly on our crooked doorstep made my heart flutter. Sarah, Mitch, Pauli, Elin, Charlotte, Nyoh. All holding various foods to add to the never ending supply on the multiple tables set in a row.

“Harry! Y/n!” The enthusiasm from our friends seemed to lighten the mood, letting the heavy feeling of heated arguments and constant anger slip down my back and into the farthest part of my brain.

It was times like these where I’d forget how to hate. How to spread anger and disgust to someone who clearly showed none of it in return in these times. Here, Harry was talkative. Always plastering on a fake smile and wave.

He was good at pretending. And while the walls of the house had seen a different story, those around us were innocent, forever unknowing of how Harry constantly belittled me, bothered me. Of how I was no better. How my tongue was sharp and my words shot to kill.

Nobody minded the difference in height of the dinning room table against the kitchen table. How one was round and the other a rectangle. Both covered by one long table cloth. Nobody minded the soft music in the background or how the light wasn’t the brightest. The soft flickers never mentioned.

We let the candles burn until they had nothing left to give, and we ate until it was bare and our stomachs hurt. Here, I never felt like I was trapped. Here, I remembered why I came to live with Harry in the first place. And I was thankful. It was times like these I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Cheeks sore and eyes crinkling. I would laugh at just about anything, trust anyone and agree with everything.

“When are you going to tell him?” An elbow to the ribs pulled my gaze from the end of the table, my smile dropping for only a moment at the sudden shock.

“Sorry?” I mumbled softly into Sarah’s ear. Her eyes glimmered with something mischievous, like she knew something that I didn’t. She licked her pink lips and looked briefly back to the end of the table. All the way over by the dining table, sat a few feet away and a couple inches higher, was Harry. Laughing and talking with Pauli and Elin about anything and everything. I couldn’t quite make it out over the soft chatter of Mitch and Charlotte and the clinking of forks on plates.

“Harry!” She called softly. When my eyebrows furrowed she rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

“I don’t get it.” Forking another bite of vegetables into my mouth, I watched her fight for the right words to say. Her lips finally settling on the soft smile I knew very well.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/n. I know that look. Better than anyone. Thats how I look at Mitch.” She playfully nudged my shoulder. Did she believe that I held any romantic feelings for Harry? I couldn’t, it was impossible. Right?

His rude remarks and his mean demeanor. Sure, at one point my heart beat for the brunette with an infectious smile and shiny green eyes, but now it was a memory of the past. Another pretty face who had thrown away all of his charm and care and exchanged with unwavering cruelty.

“Oh, no. Sarah, I don’t think about him that way.” I tried to wave her off, trying to sound the least amount disgusted by her assumption. I couldn’t help but wonder why she thought that.

“I don’t believe you.” She sounded smug, crossing her hands on my thigh and giggling. “You don’t have to. I believe myself.” Brushing her off, I take another bite of any remaining scraps on my plate. Trying to avoid conversation.

“Come on, you seriously don’t see it?” She sounded exasperated now, even more so when I nodded carelessly. She was getting tired of my avoidance to the conversation, my disinterest in her false discovery. Still, the longer she pushed, the more I felt the heat rush to my face. The more my cheeks burned and my skin tingled.

“I’m serious, Sarah. I don’t look at him in anyway. He’s just my roommate. Nothing more, nothing less.” I lean back, volume brought down to a mere whisper with the dying laugher at the other end of the table.

“Well, he’s your friend at least, right?” The lump in my throat was unswallowable. With the growing tightness in my throat and the clamminess of my palms. I wanted nothing more than to slip away and pretend this never happened. So, I bite my tongue and nod, eyes flickering to Sarah while I do so. I pray that she doesn’t see the tears welling in the corners and how glossy they’ve gotten in such a short period of time.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.” The lie stings, burning as it comes out. Partially because I hate lying to my dear Sarah, but mainly because at some point it was the truth.

Harry was my everything at one point in my life. He might as well have hung the damn moon and stars. I thought the world of him, wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around mine all the damn time. And it killed me that we’d gotten so far away from that idea that I had to lie about even being acquainted with him.

“Word of advice.” She started, eyeing Harry carefully. My eyes remained glued to the table, fork wobbling between my pointer finger and my thumb. “Best friends don’t look at each other that way.” And when she finished what she wanted to say, I swear my heart just about stopped. All color draining from my face and my eyes rapidly blinking away the tears by now.

Setting my fork down, I ignore her playful smile and the nudge of her shoulder into mine. I look for another face to converse with, to make me begin to forget everything I was trying so desperately to escape. When I search the table, it seems like each person has found themselves in deep conversation with the other. All but one.

And his green eyes capture mine in a way I haven’t known in so long. I’d forgotten what it was like to be the center of his gaze. How thrilling it was. With my eyes, glossed over and heart beating through my chest, it seemed impossible for me to ever consider looking away. His chocolate brown curls and sweet pink lips in a gentle smile. It was consuming and alluring. Irresistible even.

A face that once disgusted me, shattered my heart, angered me and knocked me down with no air left to breathe seemed not all that frightening anymore. And the warmth that spread in my chest scared me more than anything.

I begin to realize, maybe Sarah was right. Maybe that was why I hated him so much. I didn’t hate Harry Styles. And thats why it hurt just that much more. I didn’t hate him at all, in fact. No, rather my poor heart couldn’t handle the heartbreak and deflected in the most malicious way possible. I missed my best friend.

“Y/n.” Sarahs voice pulls me from my haze, and my eyes are flickering over to hers quickly. Lips still parted and eyes still wide.

“You’re crying.” I hadn’t felt the salty heat dripping down my cheeks until she announced it. My skin too numb from embarrassment to even understand what was happening.

My tongue is tied, and my throat is killing me. I feel like I might vomit if I stay here any longer. I can’t be here any longer, I can’t do it. Not when I’ve just realized what I did. I feel what I felt all those months ago when Harry told me to stop crying. When he shut me out for good and became bitter. I feel all air leave my lungs and my knees wobbling. I am going to collapse.

“I just need air.�� I say all too loudly, pushing out the chair clumsily and stepping back. The loud scratch of the wooden legs of the wooden floors turns heads and my heavy breathing tells me to get the hell out.

I pardon myself after that, waving off any concern from Sarah, and making sure nobody else saw my escape. Everyone’s still deep into conversation when I turn the corner. All but Sarah and Harry. But neither of them make a move to reach me. I let myself collapse on my bed, mascara running down my white sheets and back aching from how stiff I became at that table. I silently pray that I’ll sleep through the rest of winter.

When the dinner got cold and we’d all run out of things to say, we all look around and silently agree to part ways. It was nice to have some company, I enjoyed being around these people so much. My heart should have been full, yet it felt heavy and empty all at the same time. Littered with a guilt I wasn’t even sure was mine.

I’d seen the way she looked at me. Really looked at me. Glossed over eyes and a quivering lip. She was red with the rush of adrenaline in her blood. Anyone could see how quickly she began to breathe. It was like she was stuck, consumed by something so strong that it left her powerless, weak, crumbling quickly under an undetermined pressure. She started to cry, biting back a sob by biting harshly into her bottom lip, eyes shaking while she searched my face. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Who had said what, and how I could help her.

I wanted to yell at whoever hurt her this bad. And the feeling of that in itself was unsettling. How my heart still longed to comfort, protect the heart of the girl who once shattered my own with her own words. More than that, I wanted to scream when nobody followed her when she ran. How nobody cared nearly enough about why she was so upset.

I couldn’t understand why I was so invested in her. Someone I was sworn to hate. Someone I had teased and fought for months and let hurt me constantly in retaliation.

But then again, we were no better than one another. We never were. Always saying too little and not opening up quite enough. Creating issues instead of solving problems. We were explosive, nobody could hurt me quite like she could and yet, I felt horrible that she was so upset.

Like the day I’d found her pacing restlessly across the floor. Skin blotchy and eyes puffy with tears. Throat sore with the violent sobs ripping through them. I’d wanted to hold her then too, but I was too bitter to do anything but tell her to quiet down. I felt the same guilt in my bones. And I make the same mistakes I made the first time. I watch her break down and sit with the uneasiness of it all.

Mitch lays a hand over my shoulder, his other arm wrapped around Sarah as he leads her through the door. His eyes look sad and tired. But his smile is genuine and filled with concern.

“Check on Y/n for us okay? Sarah thought it would be best to leave her be for now.” His hand left my shoulder and the door shut quickly after. Leaving me with the unbearable silence and loneliness I felt so frequently nowadays. It breaks down my walls and scares the shit out of me.

Maybe thats why I make my way to the kitchen, shuffling slowly along the floors and leaning slowly over the makeshift tables. A bottle of rouge in one hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other. I stuff them in my pocket and hold the bottle close to my side.

I’m slow, delaying the inevitable question. When I knock on the door, it’s quiet. Almost like I’m hoping that if it’s soft enough, she won’t hear and I can pretend she was ignoring me. But, she does hear me, and she calls out a raspy, muffled welcome, signaling for whoever was hidden behind the door to come through and take in her puffy eyes and wet cheeks.

My throat tightens when I smell her perfume. Something that I would have drowned in not so long ago. She has clothes thrown on a chair in the corner, the same one I sat in so many months ago. I’m tempted to push them off and just sit in the silence with her like we once enjoyed doing.

Her head is in her pillow and her arms are underneath her. She is unaware of who she has let in, but her silence and unmoving body tells me she’s lost all ability to care. I want to leave. I want to turn around and convince myself it was all a mistake. I’d checked on her and she was still alive and well. I’d done my part and I could go on guilt free and forget about how crushed she’d looked just hours before.

When I begin to turn on my heels and pray for this day to be over, I see something unforgettable. A small Polaroid from last year. Just weeks after she’d moved in and charmed me with her beauty and whit. She’s sat with her legs over my lap and my arms around her body. We couldn’t be any happier, and the memory makes my chest sting.

She still cared enough to keep up the old memories of us, even after all the fights and mean glares. Why did she have to keep the damn photo up?

Guilt consumes me once again, and I am faced with the sad woman in front of me, still in the same place as before and just as sad as before. My feet betray my mind, and soon I am stood beside her bedside table with a bottle of wine dangling between my pointer finger and my middle finger.

The glass knocks against her shoulder in a silent invitation. My eyes wordlessly asking her to follow. Her eyes are red, and her lips still shake. She looks completely torn apart, desperate and distraught. Disheveled even. But for some reason in my blurry head, all I can think about is how absolutely beautiful she is in the pale moonlight.

“Come on.” I ask her softly, offering her my hand. When she takes it, she’s nodding already. Trusting a man who deserves no second chances, no trust whatsoever for his cruelty and his inability to communicate. But she follows regardless.

I can’t help but realize how having her so close feels good.

He lights the cigarette for me and watches as I let it burn. My lips twitch as they wrap around the end, tasting the bitterness of its contents and the dry paper.

“How did we end up here?” I ask him, looking over the horizon. The waves are calming over here. They almost silence the ringing in my ears, despite the distance between where we sit, feet dangling over the empty pool edge and the large grass behind it.

He shrugs, snagging the cigarette from my hand delicately and taking a long drag from its end. We swap, my hands wrap around the neck of the wine bottle. It’s tinted green and nearly full.

“Unlucky people, I guess.” He looks at his feet. They dangle in the pool beside mine. You can see just how close we are in the turquoise tint. How the lights make us look less vibrant.

“I wouldn’t consider us unlucky.” I look at the sky, and I can feel his eyes on my face. It makes me swallow, how intense his gaze is. It almost makes it feel that much more real.

“Why’s that?” He asks, twisting the bud out on the cement. It stains the freshly cleaned grey stone an ashy black, but I bite my tongue.

“We had each other. Maybe we aren’t the best people, maybe we’re cruel, but I’d rather argue than live in solitude, right? Company can’t be bought. Even the most painful of it. That’s something real. Something without a price. And we’ve got it.” And it’s true. We fight and we throw shit. We stain the walls and rip the curtains. We start fires and try to blame the other. We make a mess and make amends. But a house isn’t a home without someone to share it with. And at least if we had to suffer to get there, we got it.

“Thats some of your poet shit.” He laughs sadly into the silence, looking at his feet. I laugh along, though I can tell he was only half joking. Then, I let the silence wash back over us. Forgetting how we almost had a full conversation.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why I’m so mean.” He says sincerely. It’s sudden too. I can tell from the rawness in his voice. How his eyes tear up and his lips quiver. His voice cracks. Our feet hang off the edge of the backyard. It’s a quiet life. Even now. With our fights and all the fraud. But it’s never a lonely life, and we only have each other to thank for it.

I want to tell him I know, and I’m so sure of it. I’ve seen the real him, we might just not mesh together. But we once had, and that fact alone holds me back. He takes the lack of response and an opportunity to excuse himself. Pulling his body up by the arms and grunting through the sliding back door. I sit alone in the backyard for hours, body curling up into itself and layers of clothing becoming less than enough after some more time.

“I know.” I whisper into the silence. I know he’s not a bad person, I know it so well and I am so certain of it. I knew Harry once. He’s loyal and kind and the smartest man I’d ever met. And I miss knowing him like that so much.

I thought for a second tonight, I’d gotten part of him back. And maybe I had, but he left so soon I couldn’t really tell all that well. He’s left me back in the silence, wondering what happened to us, and what will happen to us. Why he came to get me, and why he even bothered to open up to me. But he never gives me the time to properly ask, even if I planned to.

I ring in the New Year alone.

The next morning he’s gone. Back to New York for his business in the big city and I am left to sit and think about what was said. A half empty bottle of wine stained with my red lipstick and glitter on the floor from old party poppers Charlotte and Elin had made sure to use before making their exit. I repeat his words.

He’s not a bad person, so why is he so mean? It’s best left unknown. Because if theres one thing I fear more than anything, it’s the realization of rejection.

Even from a man I hate so entirely, it consumes me. That I could not stand to be faced with the fact that Harry and I do not get along simply because we do not work and not because of some other underlying reason.

After all, we had it all. Gave each other everything the other had wanted. Food, shelter, company. There was really so explanation for the bitterness between us.

After all, all this time, despite his anger and hatred, he never left me to the wolves. And despite my heartbreak and sadness, I never left him with an empty home.

A wise man once said to never bite the hand that feeds it. Yet, here we are. Ripping skin from bone until we are left with nothing. We are the ungrateful, the selfish, the cruel. And we both believe that we are in the right.

I am so scared of rejection from this man who I claim to hate because he is the hand that feeds me and I am the hand to him.

We aren’t bad people, so why are we so mean? We recognize all we have to be grateful for, so why do we bite the hand that feeds us?

I guess the vulnerability of it all must have scared us. And while facing the storm, we did what all people do. We let fear consume us and we bite.

Somehow, through all of this. The realizations and the tears and wine and dusty ashes, I love him. Even with my teeth sinking into his skin and his own in mine, drawing blood, I love him. I love Harry Styles. He is my best friend and I am his. That is why I am scared and that is why it hurts so bad. Not because I simply missed him, but rather because my heart was devoted to a man who did not want it.

My fingers fumble over the pad on the phone. I type up his phone number by heart and let it ring. He answers quickly, still waiting for his plane at the airport.

“Y/n?” I can hear the bustling crowds around him and the loud engines taking off from other terminals. I imagine he is plugging one of his ears and mentally cursing the noise for making it so hard to hear.

“Come home.” My breathing is unstable, and my hands run through my hair so much I create new tangles by my neck.

“What? No, Y/n, I have to go. People are expecting me.” He starts to explain how important this is for his business. How it would be so much simpler to be there rather than over a computer screen.

“Fuck them, who cares! Harry, I need you, and I want you, please just listen to me for once. Don’t scoff, or…or roll your eyes or leave! Listen to me this once and if it’s not worth it to you, I promise you’ll never have to listen to me again. Please, it’s important.” I ramble all in one breath, endless pleas met with silence. I can feel the rejection coming, I can hear the way he chokes on a breath, debating what I said.

“Okay.” The phone goes dead with his promise to come home. With the continuous beeps, I slowly come to terms with what I’d just done. But I do not feel panicked, or scared. I feel lighter with the fact that I am about to tell the moody boy something I wished I told him a long time ago.

The door opens with a creak, keys jingling in his large palms. I’d spent the morning pacing the kitchen. Leaving a trail of confetti behind in my wake. I hadn’t cared enough to clean with my endless thoughts and extreme amounts of adrenaline.

“Y/n?” His voice was unsure when it rang out. As if he didn’t know what to expect. The door shut behind him not long before I came rushing around the corner, fingernails bitten to the skin and hangnails bleeding profusely.

“God, Y/n what the hell…” Taking my hands into his, he examined the redness of my irritated skin stained further with dry blood.

“I know.” I looked at him, and he looked back at me like I was crazy.

“What?” His thumbs bent over the backs of my palms, holding me in front of him.

“I know.” I breathed out again, looking at him with such sincerity, praying for him to understand. “You’re not a bad person, and I know it because I know you. Because we fight and we tease and we scream and cry. But I know you because once we didn’t do all of that. And I needed you to know that because it wasn’t fair of me to make you believe that to be true after everything you’ve done for me.” My voice shook with how vulnerable I felt myself becoming. Harry’s hands only tightened the further I explained.

“But what about all I’ve done to you. Y/n, I’ve been awful to you and I never even told you why.” He tried to argue. I shook my head, biting my lips.

“I haven’t been much better.” I smiled sadly. He shook his head back.

“No.”

“Yes.” I blinked hard, pushing back the tears that formed watching his own gather by his waterline.

“No, Y/n, I’ve been horrible. I’ve been mean.” He tried to push away everything I was trying to ignore.

“And so have I.” I tried harder to make him understand.

“But you only did it because I had. And for what?” He finally spoke, voice raised with so much desperation behind it, I froze under his touch.

“Because I loved you so much it drove me fucking insane? Because I still love you and I’m afraid if I can’t get you to hate me I’ll never be able to stop.” He was crying now, pleading with me to make me see his side of things. All I could do was shake my head.

“Harry I could never hate you.”

“But you could never love me.” He argued.

“Thats not true, Harry tell me you know that it couldn’t be true.” I rip my hands from his grip to rest them on his cheeks. I try to wipe away his tears, but his hands cover my wrists and pull them back down.

“How could I? You said it yourself. All those months ago, I told you. I held you close and I told you I loved you. You told me I was your best friend. You couldn’t even pretend!” Neither of us could tell if he was angry or just sad. Maybe both, but no amount of denial would calm him down.

“I didn’t have to, I still don’t have to pretend! Harry, I only said that because I was so fucking scared. Scared of us, of me, of you. Of losing you if it didn’t work. And I lost you anyways, I would’ve just said it if I knew I’d lose you like this.” Our chests bumped and his fingers slipped between mine.

“Y/n.” He whispered into the silence, over our heavy breathing and salty tears.

“I love you, and I miss you.” He didn’t say anything. I could feel him slipping away as soon as his response never came. Not a single word left to say between us. Not a single amount of energy left to fight.

And then he was kissing me. Hard and sweet. Like I was everything he’d ever wanted and more. Like he was hungry, needing more and more of something he had always wanted but could never have. And at the same time, it was soft and tender. Like he never wanted it to end. My back arched within the grip of his wandering hands and my fingers tangling in his curls. I swore I would never let him go.

But it was a swear I couldn’t keep, because air dwindled quickly and spit strung between our lips. Something I would usually gag at, but didn’t mind at the moment. His forehead against mine and arms gripping the fabric by my hips so tight if I moved he could have ripped it.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized in between his heaving breaths.

“Me too.” Looking at him, I could see the red staining his lips from the makeup I’d slept in. It made me laugh, which in result made him smile.

“What? What!” He laughed along cluelessly, letting me back away for a moment.

“You have something-“ I pointed again his mouth and smiled.

“Oh do I? Do I?” He kissed my cheek, smearing the remnants of our kiss across my cheek. “Still there?” He asked with a sly grin. Like he knew he was winning.

So I kissed him hard again, smearing red around his skin and his pink lips with so much love, there was no denying my feelings anymore. There was no hate left to give.

“Yeah, you do.” It was yet another fight, but not one I minded.

After all, thats what we did for so long, it was what we were good at. The teasing and the fighting. Only now it wasn’t bitter, it was playful. And we didn’t coexist with the sole purpose of it.

Because now I was his and he was mine. And this knowledge answered all my questions, all my doubts I’d had before about our relationship and our shared insecurities that led us down this scaring path.

Harry was my best friend, and I was his. And there was no love greater than that.

[jasminepicksflowers]

Snow

❄︎pickles sees snow for the first time❄︎

“Ah, Isaac!” She said excitedly as she saw sparkling white dots falling from the cloudy sky. “Look! Snow!” She turned her head excitedly facing him. “I’ve never seen snow before. Ugh, this is so exciting!” She clasped her hands together admiring the snow.

“You’ve never seen snow before?” He asked softly, snaking a hand around her waist and pulling her closer to his chest. She quickly shook her head before turning to him. “Can we please go outside? Please?” Her eyes turned into soft doe eyes as she begged him.

He smiled softly. “Get your coat, sweetheart.” Her eyes lit up with excitement as she hurriedly took her coat from the hanger putting it on. She ran to the door that leads to the backyard. Stopping in her tracks, she looked down at her feet.

“My shoes!” She ran, tripping over her own two feet, but catching herself before falling. Isaac chuckled as he saw how excited snow made her. He turned his head, looking at the backyard, imagining a life for them and their kids. “Tadaa!” She says trotting down the stairs with her shoes on, twirling once she got down the stairs.

“C’mon let’s go!” She excitedly exclaimed as she ran towards the backyard door opening wide. Isaac followed behind, a soft smile plastered on his face. “C’mon Isaac!” She laughed as he played in the snow. He walked outside with his coat on and shoes, as he just had returned from a meeting.

As Isaac turned to close the door behind them, he felt a sudden cold sensation on his back. He turned around in an instant as he saw her falling to the snow-covered ground laughing. Grabbing some snow, Isaac gently threw some snow onto her back as she shielded herself from the oncoming snowball. She laughed as she felt it hitting her back. Isaac walked up to her as she turned, laying on her back to face him laughing.

He bends down grabbing her waist helping her up. She wraps her arms around his neck as she looks lovingly into his eyes. His gaze softens as they make eye contact. She smiles and pulls him in for a deep loving kiss as his hands snake around her waist pulling her closer to his chest.

He soon pulled away from the kiss, carrying her in his arms and he spins them both around. The sound of laughter and longing fills the air as the sparkly snowflakes fall on them.