GLAAAASSSSSHEAAAART INCORRECT QUOTESSSSSS. because I missed them (long?)
(and other ships)
Red: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.
Chloe: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.
(Fight of our lives basically)
---
Red: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Mal: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Chloe.
Red, pointing their hot glue gun towards Mal: You’re on thin fucking ice.
(canon)
-now Chloe and her Mentor-
Chloe: How do I make a date really romantic?
Evie: Be mysterious.
Chloe: Okay!
*later, while on a date with Red*
Red: So where are we going?
Chloe: None of your fucking business.
(Red teases her about it on their next dates)
---
Mal: Evie, I know you love Chloe. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.
Mal: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.
(she's the smartest dumbass. or dumbest smartass?)
---
Red: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you?
Chloe: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now.
Chloe: Would you like me to tutor you?
Evie: That was smooth.
(Evie is proud. Mal is losing 20 bucks. why? Bet)
---
Red: Do you want to know your gay name?
Chloe: My... my gay name?
Red: Yeah, it's your first name-
Chloe: Haha. Very funny Red-
Red: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Chloe: Oh- oh my god.
(Mal, proud: Now that was smooth)
---
Mal: Why are you guys acting like this?
Red: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.
(sigh)
---
Evie: Mal? I mixed redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?
Mal: Evie, I swear to god—
(Evie. Stop doing that. You need sleep don't overwork yourself. I love her Qvq)
---
Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Mal: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Mal: Oh my god, you have Evie.
(the good old Isle days)
---
Celia : I am a ninja.
Mal: No, you’re not.
Celia : Did you see me do that?
Mal: Do what?
Celia : Exactly.
(canon)
---
Mal: Hey, can you do me a favor?
Celia : Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.
Mal: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?
Celia : Oh, no, I do.
Mal: Well, what is it?
Celia : You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.
(she loves to annoy Mal. Little annoying sister. Canon)
---
Celia: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.
Dizzy: Where were they?
Celia: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.
Dizzy, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.
(it was Uma, wasn't it? That's literally canon XD)
---
Celia: Here comes the lightning!
Celia, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.
Dizzy: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.
(and they were roommates, your Honor) (wow they were roommates) (The bestest of friends)
---
Red: N... No!
Celia: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???
(Red is trying to deny her crush on Chloe. Ha.)
---
Dizzy: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Dizzy is such a nice person, Dizzy is so happy-go-lucky! Dizzy can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Dizzy CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Dizzy IS be in a bad mood.
(Yas Queen. Queen of Mean? So last season. Queen of Bad Mood? So in!)
---
Mal: You tricked me!
Audrey: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.
(Maybe Queen of Mean isn't so last season.)
---
Dizzy: Comparing Audrey and Mal is like comparing apples and oranges.
Mal: We’re both unique in our own ways?
Dizzy: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.
Audrey: Which one of us is the orange? (It's me, isn't it?)
(Damn Dizzy. Queen of Bad Mood taking the lead)
---
*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Chloe: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?
Evie: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.
Red: What about Dizzy? Nobody ever suspects Dizzy!
Dizzy: Well what about Audrey? They have a gun!
Audrey: Celia has a knife.
Celia : Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Red in the arm*
(where is Uma? oh-. I bet it was Audrey. How else do you show you love someone? They are having their Killing Eve moment)
---
Audrey: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).
Uma: Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).
Mal: How are you talking like that in real life?
Uma: Witchcraft (derogatory).
(canon. They late/hove each other)
---
Dizzy, talking about Evie: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life! And I’m not about to start now!
(before Evie got through to her on the Isle 🥲)
---
Mal: *running towards Celia with open arms*
Celia: *moves out of the way*
Mal: Hey, why'd you move?!
Celia: I thought you were going to attack me.
Mal: I was going to hug you!
Celia: Why would you hug me?
Mal: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
(OOF. Lol)
---
Celia : I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.
(yuh)
---
Mal: Wow, this sucks. I’m gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you.
(she's getting there. Go queen)
-will add more of the boys in the next one-
Carlos: Are you laughing at that video of Ben and Harry fighting?
Jay: No.
Jay: I'm laughing at the comments.
(the comments saying "Ha! Gaaaay" etc.)
---
Carlos: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Jay. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Jay!
Gil: Nope.
Carlos: In that case, as the archbishop of Gil's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Jay right on the lips!!!
(Damn Carlos. Yes. Thanks for helping Gil. Everyone needs Carlos as a best friend)
---
Harry: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Jay without them noticing?
Gil: Hey, Jay, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Jay: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Harry: ...
(same Harry, same. But then again not that surprised)
---
Now this is for @corgiplays for context here
Chloe: Earl, I sense hostility.
Earl: Good, because I hate you.
(accurate?)
---
Earl, entering the room: *Sees Chloe and leaves*
Chloe, watching Earl leave: There’s my monthly dose of the Cat…
(Earl didn't leave before pushing one of Chloe's things tho)
---
Chloe: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?
Red: For the dogs.
Chloe: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Red: They don't know how.
(I want Red to be able to cook lol. That can't even be a headcanon tho, that has to be an AU lol)
---
Earl: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.
Biscuit: ...what happened?
Earl: I made a VERY bad mistake.
(Oof)
---
Biscuit: Don’t be sad!
Red: Why not?
Biscuit:
Biscuit: I don’t have a good answer.
(Red acts like she can understand him. Imagine his responses lol. But she basically can)
---
Chloe: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Earl: I'm aware of that.
Chloe: But then you and I had some time together.
Earl: Uh-huh?
Chloe: It did not get better.
(It did. Stop lying. Also Chloe does the same thing as Red. I mean honestly who doesn't talk to their little furry friends.)
---
Red: You don't know anything about me!
Biscuit: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!
(Damn. If Red could actually understand him she'd be flabbergasted)
--and just because I love it so much. Here is that one again
Chloe, gently nudging Earl aside with their foot: Earl, move out of the way so I don’t trip on you.
Earl, her eyes enormous: You kick Cat? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Chloe! Jail for Chloe for one thousand years!
(she is purposely laying in the way tho. And then acts like Chloe hurt her when Red hears her distressed meows)
---
That's it
Hope you liked it.
Byeeee
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