#the main difference is obviously vulnerability

[mywheelieweirdlife]

I realised tonight that I struggle telling my new partner about my disability despite him being the most loving, supportive, wonderful person and one of my closest and best friends who is absolutely amazing with my conditions and already just automatically takes initiative to look after me before I'm even worried about my symptoms... like he goes 'that's not normal and okay' and just goes and does whatever I need, sometimes only asking permission because he knows I need something but can't do it and I don't like asking for help.... because my ex boyfriend was so ashamed of me that I literally can't wrap my head around the fact my current boyfriend can love me this much.

Because I was too loud, too bouncy, too much, too weird, because people stared when he kissed the person in the wheelchair and they made comments and because I was disabled and needed help and he didn't know what to do and wasn't able or willing to do it and refused to listen.

To the point where I'm surprised that my boyfriend got me a glass of water when I was in pain and he looked at me and went 'Ashley, that's lower than the bare minimum and you deserve so so much more than that' and then I cried about it for a week.

And that tonight, he took care of me with low blood sugar, and once we got home and I said it was definitely a wheelchair night because my legs were absolutely about to go, he undid my shoes and took them off for me and set up my wheelchair and then once I was in my chair, he just stood there cuddling me and playing with my hair for a minute and told me that I was beautiful and he's so lucky to have me.

He kisses me in public, he holds me in public, he pushes me around when I'm tired and flirts with me and tells me how cute it'll be when our little polycule has kids and he makes me feel beautiful and good and I laugh when I'm with him like I haven't in a relationship since fucking 2017.

And this absolute dork of a human, who loves me and I genuinely don't think he could ever be embarrassed by me based off the chaos we are together and how much he genuinely worships me (and it goes both ways)... I can't get myself to tell him everything that I hide about my disability.

The things only my best friend knows. The things I say in-front of him to friends in medical terms bc they're also disabled and we nod and get it and we lowkey discuss symptoms, but like, how do you just tell someone the symptoms of 'I have a weak pelvic floor because of an injury that my body decided to shut down from and now half the muscles in my pelvic floor have lost muscle tone and I'm trying to learn how to use them again but my condition also just turns them off sometimes' and that 'I deal with an injury that ruined my gut bacteria so on-top of that and muscle problems, sometimes my digestive system just stops for ages but I have a hormonal condition that fucks with insulin production so I still have to have something so I mostly have liquids and occasional solids until it turns back online and that has some not fun side effects.'

Or the good old 'I have cramping through my entire body during some flares that sometimes makes me an insufferable bitch to be around because I'm in so much pain I literally can't function or breathe through them and all I can do is try to sleep for a few days until it ends and I will not want you anywhere near me or my bed during those flares.'

And that maybe some of my conditions and concerns will change with treatments, but some of these are from the physical symptoms of traumas long term after effects because even if I can stop what caused the damage doesn't mean it'll 100% fix the damage.

I might be able to stop the automatic stress response that starts creating muscle tension so extreme it literally paralyses me... or I might have actually caused some nerve damage through that over the year and some of the sensation in my body may have been lost a little or be hypersensitive because my body is terrible with limits.

Like there was a time when I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed by this, because it's human and it happens and I was hurt and this is what happened from it... but that one ex who would constantly fight with me because he was so embarrassed of me and who I am, completely broke my sense of self and my self esteem by deciding my normal didn't matter.

That my body and my disability was too hard for them so they did very little to protect or help me and even when they did, they complained about it and I felt like a burden.

And my boyfriend doesn't make me feel like that ever, he's struggled to get my wheelchair in his car, but his response to that was about working out what he needed to move in the car. I had a seizure while out, a really bad one, and he carried me to my best friend's car, carried me inside when we got home after getting me coffee and put me on my bed and stayed there looking after me and cuddling me and we played CAH with my best friend and my niece.

Like this man has never given me a reason to doubt that he would do anything for me, he held my drunk ass up in the shower at my cousins after I got a smidgen too drunk to be safe on my own. And he also reminded the entire time that I was okay and safe and he loved me and wasn't there for anything but to get clean with me and make sure I didn't fall on my ass again that night.

And I trust him with everything I've got, I've always felt physically safe with him and as we've grown older and he's grown tf up a little (because guys in their early 20's are stupid, he's a few years older than me, but like, in the 2-3yr older range, not the creepy range) we've finally matched maturity and life points really well and everything just aligned perfectly for us and we realised we were more than friends... I trust him with more and more, including some of my biggest secrets and traumas and my dramatic personality.

But I can't wrap my head around how to trust him with the full extent of my disability, not because I don't want to, but because I'm really scared to after my ex shamed me and made me so uncomfortable and embarrassed with the surface level of my disability that I don't have the words for the harder more private parts of my condition anymore.

And that just hurts. I want to let him in fully and I want someone to see all of me and all my struggles and challenges and everything that I am and that's a part of me and love me not despite or regardless, but through it and with it all.

I want to be seen and heard and loved… and he would immediately, without a single doubt, I would be shocked if he reacted in a way that hurt me because at this point I'm finally learning to not be anxious saying things that would start fights in old relationships because he'll just say he's proud of me for telling him and that he loves me and that it's okay and he's here for me and ask what he can do to be supportive during the hard times.

But that fear and the look on my ex's face when I anxiously showed him videos by another wheelchair user who created entire YouTube series on disabled living and my ex asking 'do I have to watch and know this' with a look that honestly haunts me to this day and is burned into my memory and soul because it's also the look my father has when someone mention periods or starts playing WAP... it stopped me from being proud of myself for the last 3 and a bit years.

And now I want to share myself with someone that I love and trust and I can't yet and I hate it.

It's also why I'm writing my book. Because fuck we all deserve to feel good regardless of our disabilities and no one should be hurt like this because someone said stupid shit projecting their insecurities and bullshit onto us. I want to feel beautiful and sexy and passionate and be open and honest and optimistic about sex and living and working on this book (slowly af but it's still being worked on.) is helping a bit. The rest is shadow work, my friends and my partners.

But god I wish I could be more open and honest with myself and them about my struggles.

[fanaroff]

DP X DC Watchtower Blurbo

*feel free to add on to it or use it

It's pretty well understood now that Danny can be a little shit and cause trouble just by existing. There's no way he wouldn't eventually fuck with the Justice League over time if they existed in the same universe. He probably came across the Watchtower accidentally at first and stayed invisible the whole time, scared out of his mind that they'd somehow detect him. They don't, so he gets braver about visiting over time. Danny would probably start haunting them in his off time and slowly ramp up what he does over time. A glimpse here and there, the room being colder than it should be. The only reason Batman may not have called in Constantine or Zatanna immediately upon noticing is probably because he doesn't think it's caused by something supernatural. In a building full of heroes with multiple powers and a proclivity to pranking, why wouldn't you think it was one of them rather than a ghost (that you may not believe in) that may have found your super-secret hero base?

One of the heroes may get the main brunt of Danny's haunting, whoever it is can be you choice. They'd be the first to point anything out, the first to ask "hey anyone feel that?' or otherwise. Batman may think they're the prank instigator.

This goes on and off for a few weeks before Danny makes himself fully visible in different places all over the Watchtower and suddenly every hero is aware that there is a child haunting the place. They don't know who he's attached to, but they are immensely sad that there is a child that couldn't be save and is now tethered to this world by their failures. This isn't the actual case, obviously, but I love the trope. He doesn't show up all the time, they can go weeks without seeing him.

Things change when Danny is immensely exhausted from whatever daily going ons are going on for him. Anywhere from lack of sleep, to multiple days of battle, Ghost Zone business, escaping the GIW, one or multiple of them. Point is, he's tired, exhausted, and most likely injured. So, rather than keep up with the haunting, he spies a nice comfy couch in an office of one of the heroes and naps.

Now he's fully visible, vulnerable, and in one spot for a long amount of time. A hero is going to see him inevitably. This could also be about the time Batman actually brings in Constantine or Zatanna to come take a look at the wayward soul haunting the place and see if they can't give the kid (and the others in the Watchtower) peace of mind. The three come in only to find a small crowd (or similar) of heroes standing around a couch. This is perplexing enough as it is until they see what's on the couch. To Batman, it's the kid that's been haunting the place. To Zatanna and Constantine, this is a demon of the Infinite Realms that is extremely dangerous, extremely powerful, and why the fuck hasn't this creature destroyed the Watchtower yet??! Edit because @thestarsofpines made a great point of Danny being a BABY demon of the Infinite Realms that I wanted it on the main post too.

[aromacaque]

Quick S5 Analysis and Theory

I AM GOING TO RAMBLE ANALYSIS BECAUSE THEY ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY

I cannot stop thinking about the way Wukong reacts to Macaque when he goes "oh no 'gee thanks for saving me macaque!...'" cause if this were before the S5E2, he would have snapped back at him, like he always does.

We know Macaque does this solely to rile Wukong up. It's how we're introduced to his character in S1E9 and he does it throughout the series. This is why he did it here too (or at least partially), BUT WUKONG DOESN'T TAKE THE BAIT THIS TIME.

While he's obviously still reeling from seeing the memory of their fight he was forced to watch,

you can still see that, for a split second, Wukong almost does snap back, but he instantly rethinks that and decides to be passive

Macaque, again, pokes at him trying to get a reaction, but this time Wukong doesn't even think about snapping back. He simply responds casually/lightly (before then realizing that MK is in danger)

This tells us possibly two really important things

Macaque sacrificing himself in S5E2 was a turning point for Wukong's perception of him. An increase in personal trust/faith/etc.

2. Seeing the memory of their fight made him rethink his behavior toward Macaque

For the rest of the season, they don't get a lot of moments because of, well, Everything, but we see Wukong is not only more willing to show concern for his wellbeing, but also seems to be more open/emotionally vulnerable in front of him than before (in little moments, anyway).

Granted that has been building up since S4E11, arguably before that but I'm not going to deep dive analyze season 3. He's being more communicative with Macaque in S5E1 about MK too. In other words, not completely shutting him out or pushing him away, which seems like their natural progression from S4E11 as well.

All of that being said, this brings me to The Scene. Which I am completely normal about because there's so much to unpack about it and I am so normal about that. Evidently.

First of all, they wanted to hold hands during their final moments. MK and Macaque are the two most important people in Wukong's life, I feel like that speaks for itself.

BUT it's Wukong who reaches out here.

This is Wukong's first major attempt to bridge the gap between them, at least in such a direct way. In my opinion, it's almost a wordless forgiveness on top of acknowledging how Macaque has changed and improved himself, as well as his reciprocation of that behavior. He wants to fix their relationship too, just as he has seen Macaque willing to do the same.

This moment being interrupted was actually a good thing. It's a good visual reminder that, despite them both wanting to reconcile, they aren't Quite there yet. There's still a lot left unsaid between these two, most importantly Macaque's death. (I'LL GET TO THAT. HOLD THAT IN YOUR BRAIN)

For macaque, this moment has another important meaning.

AND NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE WRITING TOOLS HELLO PARALLELS!!!!

In S2E7 we are introduced to this shot of Wukong on a pedestal over Macaque, turning his back on him and abandoning him. This is firmly established in that episode as one of the main reasons Macaque resents Wukong.

He is also portrayed as above him, subsequently nodding at Macaque feeling inferior to him.

In S4E11, we actually watch how this dynamic destroys their friendship. It is a MAJOR reason for their falling out. Macaque feels neglected, overlooked, ignored. Promises are broken and trust is lost. To him, Wukong is selfish, self-righteous, egotistical, uncaring, etc.

Obviously we as the audience are aware Macaque has a rather skewed perception of Wukong that seems to be influenced by his projection of his own insecurities, but that is a whole other analysis for a different time.

In S5E10, this shot is paralleled. Visually demonstrating that Wukong isn't forgetting about him this time. He looks for him. Macaque is being considered in a way he had previously believed was lacking in their friendship.

Not only that, but they are on level ground. Balanced and equal.

Macaque is reluctant to reach back out. His trust in Wukong is practically non-existent, has been for a while (understandably), so it's a little hard for him, but he reciprocates because, like Wukong, he's acknowledging that he has changed. He wants to try to fix this too.

TO RECAP!

They know they both want to fix things

They can see and have acknowledged changes in their behavior on both sides

Wukong seems to be less prone to arguing back, which will most likely make Macaque less likely to try and provoke him. All in all, they will be more civil with each other and most likely argue much less.

They are being held back by things left unsaid.

WHICH LEADS ME TOO...

WHERE DOES THIS LEAD THEM IN S6?

The obvious is they need to address Macaque's death. If they don't do it in this season it's bad writing and they are dragging it out for too long. It's the obvious natural progression here.

This is where they will have an actual, long overdue constructive conversation. It is literally singlehandedly the only thing preventing them from reconciling at this point.

Now, the problem, is how this would happen. Because we all know neither of them are going to randomly apologize out of nowhere. It's gonna take something to push them into that direction. And that should be how it happens otherwise it'd most likely feel forced in the script.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO A THEORY. A GAME THEO-

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty details of this particular theory, but just know that I am a firm believer in the "Macaque was consumed by his own powers and that's what killed him" theory. I do think Wukong played a substantial role in his death, enough for Macaque to reasonably believe Wukong killed him, but ultimately it was less Wukong directly killing him and more indirectly causing it and not saving him.

That being said, Wukong and Macaque's relationship is a major subplot in this show with a considerable amount of focus. They have been slowly building to their inevitable mending relationship since Macaque's first episode, which means that they're going to want to reach that climax in a pivotal emotional moment. Not a random conversation smacked into an episode.

And what is going to be plot-relevant next season??

MACAQUE'S CHAOS POWERS.

S5 built up to Macaque being an established member of the group

(Also the VO here being "change can be terrifying" is absolutely foreshadowing to some degree)

Now, there's also something else I need to address. Macaque has gone out of his way 3 separate times, 4 if you count the LBD fight, to save Wukong. On the other hand, Wukong obviously cares about Macaque, but ultimately hasn't had many opportunities or reasons to try to save him specifically.

With all of those details in mind, I think Wukong will need to take direct action by either saving him/protecting him/etc. because I think it would be a high-stakes moment that inevitably kickstarts an apology/conversation between them. Maybe it's something that reminds Wukong of their fight or that macaque can die (hence the chaos powers potentially harming Macaque in some manner or maybe a potential difficulty controlling them reminds Wukong of their fight, something along these lines).

Why this route?

Macaque has regained Wukong's trust. He basically says as much in S5E2. And while it's fairly obvious with Macaque's behavior and choices that he has learned from his past mistakes and is working on his faults, he definitely needs to acknowledge his wrongdoings. However, I think that would naturally happen during any conversation they may have (or the aftermath) regarding his death and their feelings.

That leaves Wukong because he made a promise to Macaque that they’d spend eternity together and that he would protect him and their home. A promise he broke multiple times and has not made up for yet. He needs to mend that and make it right to solidly regain Macaque's trust in order to reconcile.

[iheartsebastianmichaelis]

𖤐 Sebastian Michaelis NSFW Alphabet 𖤐

⚠️: minors dni, AFAB + GN reader, rough sex, corruption kink, mentions of religion, kinda gaslighting/manipulation, etc.

> word count:  2.4k words

A: Aftercare (what is he like after sex)

he will treat you delicately after having caused such a mess in the bedroom. we know that despite being a demon, Sebastian was trained enough to act like a gentleman and in addition he is very loyal to his "butler aesthetic". so, you can expect him to begin caressing your shoulders or back, leaving kisses in any love bite, cleaning you up with a warm towel and offering you a bath or a light drink. it's up to you if he stays right by your side while you sleep or not, because he'll only follow your commands.

B: Body part (favorite body part of his and also his partner's)

his favorite part of his body is his eyes. if you watched the series then you know what i'm talking about: Sebastian is a very expressive being. throughout the anime and manga you can see that his body language is normally expressed with his eyes and face lol, from sarcasm to even a threat. he knows the weight that his eyes have with his words and -for your bad or good luck- he also knows how to annoy or tease you with that. you can expect off-color comments said with the sweetest look and so on, escalating to a look that eats you alive, his feline eyes mocking your vulnerability to his touches and the slit on his eyes reaching deep into your soul, reminding you that he is not human.

his favorite part of you is your neck and back. he likes to leave bites, marks and kisses in discreet places. You don't want other people to find out that you're doing wrong things with your butler. how indecent of you, right? He can spend hours nibbling and sucking your skin, wanting to leave it as a witness to how much he pleases you. he's not pleased that you only carry the mark of the contract, he chuckles knowing that your skin wants him.

C: Cum (anything to do with it)

he really doesn't care. Sebastian knows that you both can't reproduce because of the difference between species, so many times he takes the liberty of cumming inside you. he loves the sight of his cum spilling out of your body while you try to catch your breath, but if you have a problem with that he will listen to you. he has no complaints about doing it outside because he doesn't mind cleaning you up afterwards either. just keep in mind that your face, torso and legs can be possible destinations to end up smeared with his sticky liquid.

so whether you want it or not, you're always going to end up with his cum somewhere <3

D: Dirty secret

Sebastian is known for being someone who is quite calm and collected... when it comes to sexual situations. but his dirty secret is that he likes to impregnate his scent on you. being by your side for a long time it is normal for the smell of his cologne to stick to you. obviously this happens when you're not wearing perfume. he likes it when people say to you "hey, your smell is very strong. have you been with Sebastian for a long time?" he LAUGHS because he knows it's something you can't blame him for, it's his way of marking his territory with his favorite food.

E: Experience (how experienced is he? does he knows what he is doing?)

we all know this one,, please who are we to lie to ourselves. he already fucked a nun, a beast tamer and probably a nurse in BoA. we don't know certainly about his preferences since this bastard can shape shift so he can be a woman, a man and basically do whatever he wants. but back to the main point, he has a LOT of experience. so you don't have to be afraid of this man to be an amateur because he isn't. he. is. so. gifted. he knows exactly how to move and place his tongue, fingers or dick to make you scream and cry in pleasure.

F: Favorite position

the pretzel. he just likes the idea of ​​having you with no chance to escape, turn around, or stop seeing your face. when he's on top of you he can see how you squirm with each thrust he gives you and how your hips can barely move due to how trapped they are between his, so you can only wait to receive his thrusts and slowly lose control. however, i think he is also a big fan of doggy. our friend beast can confirm that :))

G: Goofy (is he more serious in the moment? is he humorous? etc.)

we all know that this man is so silly but when it comes to sex he is serious. like he puts his shit together and tease you but in a provocative/sensual way.

H: Hair (how well groomed he is?)

it's obviously black like the rest of his hair. and even if it doesn't grow much down there, he still shaves it to make things easier.

I: Intimacy (how is he during the moment? the romantic aspect)

okay since he is a hell's creature,, come on we can't pretend anymore that he has deep human feelings, like i'm trying to stick to canon with this shit so im sorry if i break your fanon sebastian but this man is mean. he obviously knows how to treat his bedroom partner, so you can wait for him to kiss you, whisper pleasant things and praise you and your body. that's how it is when he is slow. but when he is wild he will make fun of you, humiliate you and even more things but ONLY IF you allow him to.

J: Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

to be honest, i don't think Sebastian has a need to masturbate. he sees it as something that will not fully satisfy him and that can put him in a worse mood. that is, he can easily hold out until he can be with you. i'd like to talk about his libido later, so I'll hold back a bit on this point.

K: Kink (one or more of their kinks)

okay i've been into black butler fandom for so long and maybe y'all can expect him to be into pet play just becuase he likes cats but im sorry i don't think so. this man has a corruption kink. he likes to see you lose yourself with his body, he wants you to forget everything you know and give yourself to him. even forgetting about the god you used to worship, so he is willingly open to teach you all about hell, pleasure and all that his demonic being can give.

he has also creampie?? kink. bassy enjoys filling you up with his cum if you don't have problems with it. he likes to make a mess with you.

L: Location (favorite places to do the do)

another thing he doesn't really care. it's more like you choose where and when, but if you are a fan of exhibitionism remember he is a butler and has to look after your public image. so he will suggest you to do it in a more private place. but speaking of his preferences, his favourite place would be your room, as it is more comfortable than a butler's room...

M: Motivation (what turns him on?)

boldness. he finds funny and teasing when you're mad at him and yell. unlike Ciel (whom OBVIOUSLY he has no attraction whatsoever), he finds your tantrums or insults attractive. especially when you seem to forget that you're talking to the devil, treating him like he's something less than you. he likes how cheeky your words are, because he knows that he is capable of leaving you in tears and your body completely lost in pleasure with his simple touch. he likes to show you that he is the one who will always win, but he likes to give you your moment.

N: No (something he wouldn't do, turn offs)

Sebastian won't disobey you. an order is an order and he is there to fulfil yours. he maybe try to manipulate you to change your opinion in a discreet way, but if you don't give up with your decision/command he wouldn't interfere unless there's a serious matter or something he don't be fully comfortable with.

one of his turn offs is when you're goofy. like okay he can stand a joke but he doesn't like when you're so unserious in the bed.

O: Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

HE. IS. THE. ULTIMATE. ORAL. GIVER.

oh my god i'm so glad we all sebastian stans agree that his tongue is REALLY something. he even said in season one that he can can roll a cherry cookie with his tongue and i don't fucking care if the dolls chapter it's not canon. but anyway, that shit is long as fuuuuck. he even needs to hold your legs so you don't close them when he is working on you. he likes to tease you while sucking, licking or biting in your sweet zone. he makes louder (slurping and wet) noises to embarrass you, looking at you smirking with his 🤨 face and even more things that secretly makes him chuckle like the mf he is.

oh and did i mention?? that he loves??? when you grab his hair and pull him closer??? well if you're not tied you SHOULD do something come on.

ah, yes.

he also likes see you struggling with his dick.

"my my, sounds like someone's having trouble. oh dear, be careful not to choke"

but when you get used to it he gently will grab your hair and move your head at his own pace.

P: Pace (is he fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

no way this man can go slow at least is your first time; once he starts the main act he left his polite side and release the beast inside of him. it will go at a fast and merciless pace, raising one of your legs for better access and won't hesitate to pound on your entrance until you lose your senses. take for sure that you'll end up crying of pleasure and this mf couldn't care less, he'll stop until you beg him for it. we can say that he'd be into rough sex.

Q: Quickie (his opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

remember his dirty secret? well, he likes the possibility of others knowing about your little secret. you probably have to ask for it because he is so busy with his butler duties, u know.

but he won't deny it to you since he can make it fastly, so you don't have to worry that much 👍

R: Risk (is he game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

since there is no risk of pregnancy, the only one he MAYBE take is public sex. because if we remember in book of murder he said that he showed his body to humans so shamelessly. so i don't think he is into that, and like i said before even if youre into exhibitionism he'll always suggest a private and quieter place.

S: Stamina (how many rounds can he go for? how long do they last?)

this is more like "how many rounds can YOU go for" because he is full of energy and he won't stop until you ask him for it. like after hours of making it he'd be completely normal while you're exhausted.

T: Toys (does he own toys? does he use them? on a partner or himself?)

he don't use them that often but he doesn't mind them and he probably uses them more on you than him. Sebastian likes to see your different reactions to them, and maybe he'd even like to add them while you fuck.

U: Unfair (how much he like to tease)

oh my fucking god this dude is the definition of tease and provocation. do i need to mention how this man rizz with people? playing with his hand and fingers running along their bodies and whispering into their ears with a sweet tone.

also you can look for DIRTY TALK. this bitch won't shut up and will leave you completely shocked or scared like "what does he means with this??" "why does he just said that seriously??"

V: Volume (how loud he is, what sounds he make, etc.)

he is not very loud, but not quiet either. he usually lets out a few sighs, but what comes out the most are grunts and gasps.

W: Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

even though he can't feel love, i could say that he cares about his master. therefore, he does not want other possible demons to take possession of his human. so yes, Sebastian is (extremely) jealous but only of other demons, because he doesn't give a fuck about other humans lol so i think it would be better defined as marking his territory.

X: X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

i need a big boy, you need a big boy, we need a big boy and fortunately for all of us Sebastian is there for that. he is almost 2 meters and you can't tell me that you expect to that shit to be small. is thick and long, with a sensitive spot on the base ;) you'll probably whine and mewl struggling with it even when it's not fully inside.

Y: Yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

it's complicated to explain... okay he is a demon that can't feel libido by himself since he isn't attracted to humans' body but their souls. but does that stops him to feel pleasure? absolutely not. this man probably won't wants to fuck you himself, you NEED to ask him for it because he is your butler after all. he only follow your orders.

but there are days when his human body wants to make it with you, so he'll insists so you can give him the command. so we can say that is low but when you turn him on he's gonna behave like the playboy he is.

Z: Zzz (how quickly he fall asleep afterwards)

who told you that demons sleep? Sebastian sees that as a luxury. he doesn't need sleep, it's more like you want him to stay by your side hugging you and pretending to sleep, but like almost everything Sebastian does, this also depends on his master's boundaries :)

this is my first time writing something spicy lol so i really doubt i did it well and english isn't my first language but i really hope y'all can like this shit 😭😭 i hope i can bring more mature content about bassy :))

[heliza24]

Thoughts about Domesticity, Carework, and the American Dream in episode 2.5 of Interview with the Vampire

I’ve been mulling over episode 2.5 a lot. There was so much to love in the episode (the incredible writing, the kitchen sink off Broadway play of it all, the chemistry between Luke, Jacob and Assad, the vulnerability in Eric’s performance). But my mind keeps circling a couple of themes, trying to piece them together. So as usual I’m here on tumblr to try to work it out. 

I keep coming back to the way that Armand was gendered in this episode. His big complaint to Louis was that he was “home picking lint off the sofa”. He arrives with “mop and misery” to clean up the mess. Louis insults him by calling him “the good nurse”. All those things are feminized. They’re also extremely of the era; these are Feminine Mystique, mid-century housewife type complaints. The wife’s job is to make the husband’s life smooth and never worry about her own happiness. Obviously in the 1970s we’re seeing this begin to change thanks to second wave feminism. We’re in the process of trying to ratify the ERA, Ms. magazine has just been founded, and things are shifting. The kind of cheery domestic American dream of the 1950s is definitely shifting, and we see this in the episode as well. Betty Hutton selling sewing machines competes with Spiro Agnew resigning on TV. The watergate scandal signified a loss of faith in American authority, a kind of parallel destruction of the country’s father figure (brought down by journalists, no less). The comfortable lie of domesticity, the “prison of empathy” that Armand has created around Louis is crumbling. Armand is boring but he’s also bored, like a housewife taking valium to get by. The whole episode is set in an apartment that reeks of divorce, according to Daniel, and we’re seeing it play out in real time. When Armand lashes out to hurt Louis, he does it not through direct violence, like Lestat, but by holding his failure as a father over him, telling him that Claudia  never loved him. That jab, in combination with the way he’s edited Louis’s memories (gaslighting, another time honored form of domestic abuse) is enough to get Louis to hurt himself. LIke a wife who is always outwardly obedient to her husband but spends her time exacting petty revenge against him for the way he takes her for granted, Armand’s methods are never violent. They are soft and subtle and targeted.

I have to thank @bluedalahorse for first alerting me to the way the crumbling domestic American dream is threaded through this episode. And after she mentioned it I saw it *everywhere*. 

Obviously there is a level of complexity here in the Loumand relationship that this metaphor cannot fully capture. For one thing, Armand is a man. He was turned in a time before modern understanding of gender and sexuality really solidified, so in some way it makes sense that he would be the most gender fluid of our main characters, but his position would be a lot different if he were a woman, even a woman vampire. And Armand is very powerful. His insecurities and crippling fear of being alone keep him from exercising this power and walking away in a way that would perhaps be healthier for both him and Louis. But he is not trapped economically or socially in the way a wife would have been in this era. (That being said, I get the sense that *something* about the way the fire happened in Paris has made Louis and Armand go to ground. Maybe there is an element of being “trapped together because of fear of exposure”. But even then, I think my point still stands.)

To drill down and become more specific, there’s an extra added layer to the way Armand is feminized in this episode. I’ve written a lot about disability in this show and also the way it approaches eugenics, and those things were very on my mind as I rewatched this episode. (To be fair, they are always on my mind when I watch anything. Being disabled will do that to you.) Anyway, the specific way that Armand casts himself in this episode is as a caregiver. He is a beleaguered, bitter caregiver to those weaker to him. I think you hear this especially when he describes to Louis what happened: “you said the worst things you ever said to me, and then you walked into the sun. And now you are a convalescent.” The absolute sneer on the word convalescent.  The absolute disdain for being put in this position again. The way he denies Louis the blood and keeps him out of his coffin for so long. The “final act of service” in calling Lestat. And then the tenderness laced with fear. Will he “be on suicide watch for the next 1000 years?”. 

Armand is fascinating to me because of the way he seems to instinctively reject people who remind him of his own past weaknesses. Those weaknesses are buried down deep in his characterization, but they’re there and they’re important. He was sick and wasting away when he was turned. And before that he was an abused sex worker. You can see the way he dismisses people in similar situations in the way he treats Daniel in this episode. He calls Daniel a “broken boy” when he’s talking to Louis. He casually rejects the idea that there might be any sort of truth captured in Daniel’s tapes. The interviews on those tapes are with a sex worker and gay veteran and his disabled refugee husband. All of these people are so close to Armand in so many ways. I even think this is why Armand comes down so hard on Claudia, and why he cannot abide the true empathy and love Louis has for her. Claudia was turned when her body was weak. Weaker and more disabled, so to speak, than Armand. But they are not dissimilar. But Louis loves Claudia anyway, and respects her strengths. No one ever shown the love Louis shows to Claudia to Armand. No one ever granted him true empathy. The only way he has been able to hold on to any love at all is to grovel, to manage, to care give. The only way he experiences care is to give it. Of course he’s broken, of course he’s bitter.

So now we come to Daniel. The broken boy who has suicidal ideation and a drug problem, things that make him imminently dismissable in Armand’s mind. But Daniel also has a drive, a passion for life, and a love for the people who slip through the cracks. Louis and Daniel definitely share this great affection for humanity, and it’s what allows them to connect in San Francisco and again in Dubai. And it’s what makes him inscrutable, and captivating, to Armand. Because there really is no greater act of service than telling somebody’s story. Daniel describes himself as a therapist ironically in Dubai, but what he’s doing is carework. It’s real empathy. And Armand doesn’t understand that. Armand doesn’t understand what someone is doing recording the stories of people who were just like him. A whole universe of possibilities opens in the moment when Armand almost starts telling Daniel his story. Out of all the ways Daniel tries to save himself, that little life line of empathy is what almost snags Armand. But then Armand clamps back down, realizes he’s staring into a “black hole”. He’s trying to insult Daniel when he says that, but to me it just sounds like he’s describing himself.

When Armand is lulling Daniel into death, the thing he chooses to describe to him is the American domestic fantasy. He describes it as a fate worse than death. He describes it as a boring trap. And he specifically casts Daniel in the masculine, straight role in that fantasy, with a wife “vacuuming on valium” who “counts down his thrusts”. In some ways Armand is painting his own relationship to Louis as the worst possible fate that Daniel could suffer. (And it makes me wonder– did Armand ever wonder if he would amount to anything? Does he think his life has any meaning at all, if you subtract the vampiric powers? Armand has never stopped to introspect like this, but I wonder what would happen if you forced him to.)

But Daniel is stubborn, and his desire to tell stories and empathize with people resists death. I love that he still defends himself, still claims that he’s “a bright young reporter with a point of view” and that that is worth something. Because it is.

When Louis asks Armand to save Daniel, Daniel unwittingly becomes a symbol of Louis and Armand’s continued marriage. He’s a wedding ring, a vows renewal. He’s emblematic of the continuation of failing vampiric domesticity. And when Louis tries to repair the damage Armand has wrought, he isn’t able to offer Daniel soothing words about his ability to find a spouse or raise children or understand love. Louis doesn’t understand those things, so how could he teach Daniel about them? But Louis has always understood stories and humanity, so he is able to gift Daniel his writing and his reporting back. 

I think you can interpret Daniel’s failed marriages and difficult relationship with his children in a lot of ways. We could say that he was always going to fail at these things, regardless of whether or not he met the vampires, because of the discontent that Armand sensed in him. Maybe the trauma that this aborted gay hookup with Louis created was enough to re-closet him, and send him down a dark road of unfulfilled straight relationships. Or maybe Armand’s words really did echo around in his head and pull him down as much as Louis’s lingered and sustained him over the years. Maybe we’ll get more answers about this as the show goes on, or maybe it will live in the ambiguous world of memory and manipulation the show so often plays in.

Regardless, I think this episode was a masterpiece, and the way it firmly established these themes about the failure of domesticity and the burden and joys of carework are going to really matter, I think, as we hit the brutal conclusion of the season. When emotions are at a breaking point, especially between Armand and Louis, they are going to resonate because they were grounded in this little claustrophobic wonder of an episode.

As a little postscript, I’m not quite sure where we’re going with Devil’s Minion after this episode, or if we’re even going there at all. If a DM timeline happened in the past, it would require additional editing of Daniel’s memory, and I’m not quite sure if that reveal would work structurally. (I would love to be proven wrong about this though, because I would love for young Daniel and Armand to have interacted more, for Assad and Luke’s chemistry if nothing else. They were so wonderful together.)  If it were to happen in Dubai, or to happen again Dubai, however… well that’s interesting. Because older Daniel is disabled. He’s even more firmly in this category of people that Armand is apt to dismiss. And if they were to get together, there would probably be some aspect of caregiving on Armand’s part. And there would also be some caregiving on Daniel’s part, in his ability to listen to Armand. So that has the potential to be really fascinating, and maybe mutually beneficial to both characters. But I think we have to cover a lot of ground before we would be able to get there.

[heartlilith]

Astrology Observations (part 4)

Here are some of my observations and opinions on various placements - Part 4

🧿People with Sun opposite ASC can really struggle with their identity. They may not relate to their sun sign and they are always questioning who they really are.

🧿OPINION: Sister signs make great friendships and platonic relationships. Romantically speaking, I feel like the attraction is there but it usually doesn't work out in the long run.

🧿Planets square to Jupiter are "too much" or "in excess" versus Saturn squares are "too little" or "lacking"

💙Sun square Jupiter - Too much confidence and stubbornness, too much generosity

💙Moon square Jupiter - Too much indulgence, emotional changeability, too much self sacrifice

💙Mars square Jupiter - Too much energy, aggressiveness, and restlessness

💙Sun square Saturn - Lacking confidence and assertiveness

💙Moon square Saturn - Lacking trust and vulnerability

💙Mars square Saturn - Lacking stamina and self expression

🧿Mars in the 7th house people can move fast in relationships. When they catch feelings for someone and the relationship is shiny and new (aka the "honeymoon" stage) they can get impatient and rush things like meeting parents and moving in together... this is especially true if your Mars is in Aries, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, and Pisces - this could be less true if your Mars is in Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, or Aquarius - Taurus Mars could go either way in my opinion

🧿OPINION: Scorpio Moon and Aries Moon relationships can easily become a disaster

🧿Prominent Scorpio & Capricorn natives are vaults. Your secrets are safe with them.

🧿OPINION: Sometimes I think of people as their Moon sign with a dash of their Sun Sign. For example: I would think of a Sagittarius Sun with a Virgo Moon as an analytical person (Virgo) with a big mouth (Sag) lmfao. Aries Sun with a Capricorn Moon as a hardworker (Cap) with a lot of drive (Aries). A Gemini Sun and Leo Moon as a confident and attention seeking (Leo) intellectual (Gemini). Obviously the qualities of a certain placement are affected by all the placements in a chart but generally I think of the Moon as the core person and the Sun influencing it.

🧿Pluto in the 12th house natives can obsess about life after death

🧿Pluto in the 7th house transforms through relationships and one on one connections but they also transform the other person as well, same goes for Venus in the 8th

🧿Sun and Mars in the 8th house and Pluto in the 1st house are natives that people remember. "Remember so and so, they were so kind and smart. I hope they're doing okay" type of thing.

🧿Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Pisces Venus in the 1st house... aren't you tired? Don't you just wanna scream "FUCK OFF" to people sometimes?

🧿OPINION: Leo and Scorpio prominent people make the best of friends, it's giving Wednesday and Eugene vibes

🧿Sun in the houses shows what you're all about, what's most important and a main focus in your life:

💙Sun in the 2nd house: Stability is the most important thing for you. The ultimate goal is to be comfortable financially and also within yourself.

💙Sun in the 7th house: The goal is to have harmonious relationships. You want a partner to experience things with and strong relationships with close friends.

💙Sun in the 10th house: You're all about your career and accomplishing things. You want to build something that will contribute to society. You want to have authority.

💙Sun in the 12th house: You want to be of service to people, you want to help and make a difference to large groups. Think traveling the world and helping less fortunate people like in the Peace Corps. It could be animals too. You want to be an advocate for unadvocated.

[changisworld]

What do you think which skz member would be most willing to do anal with female reader??

-🦇

🦇i swear you feed me with the most insane thoughts sndbsnsnsbsjsjasbsb, I hope you like this, mwah!

main masterlist here MOST OF THE MOST LIKEY!!

1. definitely jisung, nobody can tell me he’s not the most insane person when it comes to sex, anal play is nothing compared to other shit he’s into, it definitely happened without you both ever really planning it, it probably started when he was eating you out (obviously messy & imprecise asf because he’s just too excited) & he somehow ended up eating your ass when his tongue went lower to catch some of his spit & once he realised your reaction, it just went from there!! He genuinely can (& has) came completely untouched, the sight of him fucking a glass dildo into your tightest hole just drives him insane & OMFG when he actually fucks you himself??? he cums almost instantly but he just cannot get ENOUGGHHH so he overstimulates himself just to be able to do it with you for longer, he’s not made you orgasm just from anal just yet but he thinks he will have it nailed down so soon!

2. Jeongin!! his ‘vanilla’ persona might trick some people but it WILL NEVER TRICK ME!! this man drools over it. He was probably too nervous to ask you straight up, so instead he would click on a few anal porn videos whenever you guys would masterbate together & you obviously caved instantly after realising the pattern of what he was watching. He’s soooooo sweet the first couple of times you guys have anal sex, slowly opening you up, kissing you all over as his long fingers fuck into you, his hand doing uncomfortable twists just to be able to play with your clit at the same time just to make sure you’re feeling okay, but after you have both gotten used to it, THE SWITCH UP IS INSANE!! you have both realised you enjoy anal sex a whole lot more than you both originally thought & it’s definitely not an extremely common occurrence, but it still happens loooaadssss hehehe

3.Leeknow loves anal, everyone act surprised! He is an ass man through & through & you both tried anal for the first time not long after you jokingly asked him if he wanted anal as he was squishing your ass with his hands like a cat. A few days later, you're laying on your back as Leeknow is sliding his cock into you, not with too much restraint after your entire hole drenched in a flavoured lube & you also didn't know it was possible to orgasm just from having your ass licked but you now know it's possible! He still prefers your pussy, mainly because he knows your cunt & how to use & play with it through in & through out but he will never say no to it!

4.Hyunjin is definitely someone who you would never expect to be into anal play when you both got together but HOW WRONG YOU WERE WERE! I don't think he is the most desperate for it, especially when your pretty pussy is so, so inviting, but when you asked if you could both try it, there is no chance in HELL he would say no! He definitely likes to have vibrators in your pussy while he is lost in the feeling of the way your pucker clenches around his cock so hard the circulation almost cuts off but he wouldn't ever dare complain, especially with the whimpers you're letting past your lips uncontrollably.

The least likely

5.Bangchan is someone who wouldn't ever be the first one to ask for it or mention it, but if you were the one to offer it, he wouldn't decline... kinda. He is a bit apprehensive about fully fucking you, but that doesn't mean toys aren't off the table! He loooveess to use all different kinds of vibrators & dildos on you, your & his new favourite being a thin, clear glass dildo & he loves the way you whine & hiss as you feel the coldness of it, then overtime it warming up from your soft walls & he definitely speaks such sweet words to you as he plays with you in such a vulnerable state, he can't help but get butterflies about how much you trust him to do this to you!

6.Felix isn't someone who really cares about anal, he hasn't ever thought about doing it with you, he gets a bit jittery whenever the topic comes up, but who is he to deny you? You've done it a couple of times but you decided to ask him if he wanted to try it... on him, & the way his freckled cheeks went bright red instantly made you giggle & ever since then, the roles switched! Ever since this change, Felix & you are a lot more relaxed about doing it together & you both enjoy this dynamic a whole lot more. If you play with his pretty, full balls as you finger his squishy spot, he cums within thirty seconds, but you can never just let him cum once, especially in this position, because why waste such a good opportunity?

7. I think Changbin wouldn't be the most interested in anal, simply because he is just too much of a softie, especially for you!! He & you knows he is THICKKKK & he just already knows it would no doubt be uncomfortable for you. He has however, fingered your ass a few times & he loves how you react, he has also rimmed you & is a new huge kink of his (after he got rimmed by you, he had an awakening heheheh) but since you have never asked for him to fuck your ass, he has never felt the need to be the one to ask first, especially since he knows you would ask if you wanted it.

8.Seungmin. It's not that he would never try it, but he is too addicted to your pussy as it is, he is honestly just scared he will go rabid if he felt your other hole. I also just think poor minnie would be too nervous to do it, he is all for kinks but he is too scared he would hurt you, the poor baby:( If you already have experience with anal, he would probably be less scared but I also just think he would be too scared to ask you first in case you got uncomfortable at the question, so he is more than happy to bury away the tiny thoughts in the back of his mind as he is fucking you from the back into the back corner of his mind, after all, he is more than happy with your pussy.

->Taglist is open!

->Anon list is open!

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

[stardustizuku]

I’ve recently been thinking on why there’s people who interpret Kuro in such a drastically different way.

And something I notice is that you can easily tell how someone experiences the series, based on what they think of the GWA.

The way you interpret the Green Witch Arc is indicative of of how you have been interpreting the story so far, and how you’ll interpret it going forward

Generally, there’s two interpretations:

1.- The Reaction Ciel had to the mustard gas, are his true feelings coming afloat

2.- The Reaction Ciel had to the mustard gas, isn’t how he feels.

The first interpretation (and I’m really not trying to be mean about it this time) comes from a very, uhm, shall I call it Teenage-Like? mindset of how pain and trauma works.

I call it Teenage-Like, because I’ve seen it in mostly literature aimed at teenagers, be it fanfics or YA. It comes from an inability for teenagers to actually voice how they feel towards their parents. A helpless feeling of being ignored.

I don’t wanna point fingers but this is the basis of a lot of Self Harm tendencies (physical, emotional, psychological, or others like EDs or digital self harm) come from. A need for people to notice you are in pain. But because you feel like you cannot voice it yourself (or don’t deserve it, it can vary) you start to lash out. Put yourself in higher risks, to have someone find out there is something wrong with you.

So the moment the main character finally breaks down, or has a moment of weakness, it’s interpreted as someone finally being truthful.

This is how Ciel’s reaction is interpreted by the first half.

The mustard gas is simply a trigger of pain, that causes all of Ciel to unravel. He’s in pain right now, cause he’s always in pain. He’s avoidant to Sebastian, cause he’s always been scared of him. He doesn’t trust him. He doesn’t trust adults. Finny is the only one who actually cares.

This makes the fact that Sebastian ,essentially, slapped him to get him to react, come off as cruel.

The boy is finally being honest, and you just tell him he’s being childish? Horrible.

Obviously, that’s not my interpretation.

Okay so, what happens once you’re not a teenager? Once you don’t have an adult figure to take care of you? What happens once you start avoiding telling your parents the pain you’re in, not because you think they won’t care, but because they’ll care too much and get worried and you don’t want them to get worried?

You start to realize pain is not the end of the world.

While, when being a teenager, getting sick meant someone gets to take care of you and maybe notice you aren’t okay, as an adult getting sick potentially means - not going to work. Which means your won’t have money to buy food, which means you’ll probably go hungry.

So getting sick becomes less of a way to get away from the responsibilities you have, and more of a burden.

That’s why you’ll see, in media aimed at adults,mental breakdown less depicted as an opportunity to be honest, and more of a sickness that needs to be healed.

You can have a more honest and truthful conversation, while you are sound of mind. There’s no power dynamic between friends, like it would with adult figures and children. So this song and dance, isn’t necessary.

You don’t have to be sick to be understood. And your friends will rather try to help you, than understand you when you’re suffering. That’s the nature of adult relationships.

This is more or less the framing that comes from Ciel’s breakdown (in the second interpretation).

The Mustard Gas isn’t showing Ciel’s true nature - it’s showing Ciel at his most vulnerable. This means, not in his sound mind.

Saying things he normally wouldn’t, hurting people he normally would hold close, and clinging to people he generally would never try to get close to.

Simply put, it isn’t just “a bit of pain to make him unravel” but a “Ciel is getting psychologically tortured by a weapon used for chemical warfare”.

He’s past being honest. He’s having such a severe reaction, that he cannot function. He’s being tortured and broken, to the point he is no longer himself.

He isn’t being “truthful” he’s scared.

And fear can make you do things that, in your sound mind, you would never do.

The point is that, Ciel isn’t saying what he truly feels or being “honest”. It’s him scared out of his mind, saying everything and anything to make the fear stop.

And the biggest proof is how he treats Sebastian.

The fact that Ciel asks Sebastian to “go away” or “not come near” is perhaps the most glaring reason as to how badly this Gas messed with him.

I’ve said this before but to Ciel, Sebastian is a lifeline. He’s the only tool he has for his revenge. The thing that, even after he lost r!Ciel, he was willing to sacrifice it all to achieve.

And at this point in time, Sebastian is also the only emotional anchor Ciel has.

As far back as the second episode, Ciel has asked Sebastian to stay. Even when he’s having flashbacks, even when he’s having an episode. In fact, Sebastian leaving him is a great source of anxiety - since as seen in BoC in the Asthma Scene, without him Ciel feels powerless enough to die.

He feels more protected with him, because he KNOWS Sebastian will protect him and that Sebastian will follow his orders.

Again going with the analogy of a dog - He feels more comfortable having the chained beast by his bed, simply bcs others are trying to hurt him and the beast won’t eat him right now.

So him asking Sebastian to go away, is throwing away his biggest safety net for a surrogate for r!Ciel, just means he’s reverting to the mentality he had during the cult.

If Sebastian is constantly telling him “it’s okay, they can’t hurt you anymore, you’re outside the cage, you can do what you WANT”

Ciel clinging to Finny is him going “no, im staying in the cage bcs at least the cage is familiar”

And no matter what the first camp tells you, staying in the cage, trapped inside your pain ISNT the healthy option.

(We could argue Ciel’s need for revenge rather than healing is also unhealthy, but no one in the second camp would even call Ciel anything other than a villain in someone else’s story)

So, Sebastian slapping him and going “no, that’s not what you want”, isn’t as cruel as it would be in the first interpretation. Because as we see, he’s right. That’s not what Ciel wants. And it’s proved by the next scene where Sebastian talks to Ciel about what he truly wants.

Rather than Sebastian telling Ciel to “get over it”, it’s closest to a “snap out of it, something’s wrong”

This is further proved by the fact that, Sebastian first instinct isn’t to scare him. He does back away, he does try to wait and gently coax him. But Ciel literally cannot reason with him.

That small but significant difference in interpretation has wildly different outcomes in how you perceive both, the characters and the story.

If you pick the first, you’re reading Sebastian as an enemy. Someone who does not respect Ciel. You see his attempt to eat Ciel’s soul as a breach of trust, and proof that he doesn’t care for him.

But if you pick the second option, you see Sebastian as an ally. Someone who’s running out of time and ways to save Ciel. His actions, while crass, ultimately help Ciel. What he was trying to do, was help.

Yana, very clearly, wanted the second interpretation. However, I cannot, in good conscience, tell you it’s the only interpretation. People are free to pick and chose how they read the text, irrelevant of how little of the actual text they’re reading.

But I will say, picking the first is symbolic of a less mature way of thinking. Common on those who like to infantilize trauma and trauma responses. It’s the easy, safe and comforting way of reading the text. As I said, it’s common in those who want their pain to be acknowledged.

That reading of Kuro is one that speak to me, that you’re not really ready to confront pain. And someone with that mentality, is not someone who’s reading of the text I find particularly interesting. Sure, you can share it, I’ll never stop you, but know you’re speaking to me in an entirely different language. You’re interpreting the text so differently, that I don’t think it’s even the same text anymore.

Again, you’re essentially writing analysis on fanfiction. And I’m not all too interested in dissecting your own trauma sloppily painted over British Aesthetic.

[screampotato]

I've said this before and this seems a good moment to say it again: I really don't think it matters at all whether you watch/read Gaiman's work or not.

Your individual media consumption habits have no effect on the real world at all, and arguing about whether you should or shouldn't watch/read his work is a distraction from the things that actually do matter in the real world: continuing to discuss the fact he has really troubling allegations against him, so that as many people as possible become aware of it, and those who might be vulnerable to predatory behaviour know that there may be reason to be cautious.

I realise everyone who has found his work meaningful will have decisions to make and soul-searching to do and myriad different positions to adopt based on endless passionate arguments, but I'm not sure that the #neil gaiman tag is really the most helpful place to do that at the moment.

It seems that the allegations are still being actively suppressed, and a surprising number of people still know nothing about them. That, to me, seems like the main issue right now.

Obviously do what you want forever, or whatever it is they say, but just give it a thought and consider if there might be an alternate tag to use for that at the moment.

[mixtpecas]

It's 2 am and I'm just thinking about how Cas and Eileen became such complimentary partners for Dean and Sam even when the show (slash Chuck) didn't let them have a happy ending.

Like, Sam wanted independence from his family and hunting. Not because he hated hunting necessarily, but because it represented everything his dad seemed to value over him and his opinions. And throughout the show he does make his own choices, but more often than not they end up with him getting possessed or some other kind of loss of autonomy. And with everyone he dates there seems to be that fear of losing control - not that he's controlling per say, but that he can't really let his guard down. Jess, Amy, Amelia, might know About him, but he doesn't seem to show much real vulnerability or deeper trust in them.

And Eileen gets that - she was written to mirror Sam, but it's not like she's his clone. While Sam seems more run down by everything that's happened to him by the time he meets her, Eileen still has that fire that leads her to do good on her own terms. And because she understands both the hunting and independence aspects of Sam's life, her and Sam can see each other as equals, instead of falling into that civilian/hunter or protector/protectee approach that relationships in the show usually lean towards. It's a real breath of fresh air for me, and feels a lot like how I'd imagine an ideal relationship for Sam - someone that isn't afraid to challenge him, but also encourages him to speak up for himself and value his own feelings.

Then with Dean, there's a lot of similarities to Sam (obviously, with their shared upbringing lol) but he can also be his counterpart. Sam wants trust placed in him and independence, Dean wants commitment and for someone to not leave him. But like Sam's relationships, Dean definitely falls right into the Protector role and what he thinks he should be doing, not what he actually needs or wants (like with Cassie and Lisa). And for him, I feel like it's less about not trusting them (Dean actually confides in people fairly often!) but more about his understandings about relationships and his own self. Dean has been treated (intentionally and unintentionally) as a blunt instrument, someone unchangeable, someone to look to for comfort, etc. even before Mary died ("It's okay Mom, I'll never leave you" comes to mind).

Cas reflects this in the extreme - any of his own feelings were lobotimized out of him and it was seen as impossible for angels to feel at all without falling. For him, he could see Dean as a smaller-scale mirror to what he was feeling. And Dean could see Cas as a more abstract, less intimidating way to see his own life. Like Eileen and Sam, Dean and Cas understand each other as soon as they meet each other. Cas tells Dean he has doubts! Dean prays to Cas after a lifetime of not believing in angels! Their similarities let them connect but their differences let them grow - Dean is so stubborn and full of feeling that Cas finally has the final push to rebel. Cas is the most powerful thing Dean's ever met when he saves him from Hell, so Dean feels safe to rely on him and trust someone to answer him if he asks (or prays). And again, their similarities are at the ground of it all, so they stay as partners and equals.

For Chuck (and the writers) this kind of healthier partnership dynamic goes against the kind of romance they love, that focuses on avoidance and saviour complexes. If Dean and Sam feel secure in their senses of self outside of one another, and are encouraged to keep that up, what happens to the Cycles of Family Trauma Show?? Plus, there's the added elements of Cas being a man and Eileen being deaf (resulting in Despair and the Blurry Wife). Sam and Dean both needed Eileen and Cas at certain points in their stories, whether that was to rescue them, motivate them, give them something to lose, etc. But even though plot development was the main intention for these relationships, they signalled something outside of the routine Cain and Abel story. Instead of just representing that kind of unattainable happy future, Eileen and Cas developed genuine relationships with the brothers that encouraged them to be more genuine people, and eventually led them to defeat God.

[tomatopers]

biggest peeves with genshin x reader fics

I'm going to preface this by saying you can write whoever you want however you want and no one is gonna stop you; heck, it likely won't even affect your likes and stuff. These are my personal peeves stemming from character portrayal <3 Characters A-D

Albedo ;; He isn't very heavily emotive; He is shown to approach almost everything from a logical/analytic standpoint!! My guy expressed concern with the most nonchalant voice, so he clearly does care, just not in an expressive/passionate way

Alhaitham ;; Similar to Albedo, but slightly more expressive! He clearly has things/people that he values, and his own ways of showing care differ from societal norms, which is why he comes across as cold and indifferent!! Even the vulnerability that comes slowly with trust isn't immediately obvious, but this is definitely something that's interesting to explore in works⎯ Would he change the way he feels comfortable expressing himself into something else for you? Would you want him to?

Aloy ;; fuck what genshin did to my girl im skipping aloy

Amber ;; One of her main personality traits is the lack of deliberation!! Even with people she really cares about and loves!! Overthinking? We don't know them

Itto ;; Let bro be silly. Let bro make mistakes. Let bro have no idea what he's doing, but know he's giving it his all no matter what⎯ This is the Arataki Way.

Arlecchino ;; Gonna be honest I know jack shit about her but everything I read sounds hot <3 I do think she isn't the type to get frazzled/embarrassed but boy oh boy you can try

Baizhu ;; bffr he would NOT let you neglect your health like... Look at the man 🤨 I don't think he's the yelling type either?? Like he'll stand up for you obviously, but wouldn't start a fight imo; He got them dangerous snake eyes and scary words fr

Barbara ;; idk i don't read minor x reader things + i don't think i've ever seen a barbara x reader ever 💀 I do think she'd be patient and caring to the point where doing anything bad would make you feel guilty asf :/ not even in a romantic way, just like⎯anything. The kind persona isn't actually an act, she's in a role where she cannot be seen as anything else but it isn't hard to be kind as she would act that way, idol or not. More of a character thought, not a fic peeve </3

Beidou ;; She would start fights for you and she'd win, we all know this. I do think that many fics don't explore her emotions to a deeper extent, like motives and such? I think there's a lot of flexibility in that, and many avenues to explore! Not a peeve either, just a thought.

Bennett ;; Minor again(?), I don't read Bennett fics aha 😭 Grasping at straws here, with such a brave face shown to everyone, taking it off to share the sadder stuff sounds hard

Candace ;; Dunno much either 💀 Nor do I see any fics about her...

Charlotte ;; Would she love and cherish you? Yes. Would she leave her job for you? No. Would she feel bad about always being busy chasing headlines? Yes! Would she only really do well with a partner who supports her career and aspirations? Yes!

Chevreuse ;; Sorry guys I don't even know her 😭

Chiori ;; Would also start fights for you, would also win; Clearly takes no shit, I imagine certain compromises would take a while to reach? Canonically fairly headstrong, I doubt she'd be a pushover with an s/o

Chongyun ;; Minor 🧍

Clorinde ;; Her showing vulnerability with you definitely means a LOT. Beyond her career and the things she does for it, I just know there's so much going on in her head :( Let my girl share, give her a safe space, be patient to eventually emotionally connect

Collei ;; Minor 🤨

Cyno ;; He does not seem like the dominant/aggressive/pushy type :( I bet there's complicated feelings between the way he acts as a General and the way he acts with a lover⎯undeniably would never want you to be scared of him. Teasing type, likely nothing worse.

Dehya ;; I haven't seen her done dirty, so I'm pretty content

Diluc ;; High-functioning man, having dealt with varying stressors over so many years I doubt anything could interrupt his work flow⎯having said that, yes that means issues with a relationship making him struggle to work would mean more; Yes, i still believe that's highly unlikely

Diona ;; No.

Dori ;; No. Also, I hate her.

[shall-we-die]

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{X-ray}

What do they hate and show it most obviously?

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↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Jujutsu Kaisen}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {Angst}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰ ────┈┈{0074}┈─╮

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╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

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↬|Gojo|

Gojo absolutely hates it when there's a lack of communication and trust between partners. He wants the relationship to be open and honest, with both partners being able to talk to each other about their feelings, without any judgement. He also does NOT like it when his partner avoids him in any situation. He wants his partner to always be open and truthful with him, and he won't tolerate any sort of hiding or avoiding of issues. 

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↬|Geto|

Geto’s most obvious trait that he hates in a relationship is when people act clingy or overly affectionate towards him. He also gets annoyed when people are constantly bugging him or asking for his attention, especially when he wants his alone time. Geto can be quite possessive, and he doesn’t like it when someone tries to control or manipulate him in a relationship. He's also not a fan of PDA and gets embarrassed when others see him being affectionate with his partner, as he values his personal space and privacy.

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↬|Sukuna|

He hates it when you look at other men/women and he doesn't care if you're looking at someone for no reason, he'll be mad and think you're interested in them. He hates it when you show weakness to other people and he hates it when you show him your vulnerability, he will take it as an opportunity to hurt you. He doesn't like you if you have a soft personality and he prefers when you have a cold and tough personality like him... In the world of red flags, he's the whole red carpet 🚩

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↬|Nanami|

He hates when his significant other doesn't respect his time and being late. To him, being punctual is very important. He hates it when his significant other is not honest with him. For him, trust and honesty are very important in a relationship. He hate it when his significant other doesn't respect or understand his profession. His job as a sorcerer is very dangerous and stressful, he needs significant other that have understanding and can give him a support to deal with this problem.

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↬|Megumi|

Clingy, obsessive partner is a major turn off for Megumi. He hates partners who act like a child, like a spoiled baby. Megumi has zero patience to partners who act like a princess. Megumi dislikes a lot of physical touch. Hugs, holding hands, etc. If he doesn't love a person, he won't tolerate a lot of skinship. Hang out and dates are two different things. Megumi doesn't understand this.

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↬|Inumaki|

He hates it when his partners are dishonest and hide their true emotions. He hates it when his partners refuse to communicate their feelings and try to keep everything inside. That makes him sad because he knows he can't help them if they won't open up to him.

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↬|Yuji|

Yuji often compares himself to others in relationships, feeling insufficient and insecure. He tends to hide his own emotions and avoid open communication during conflicts. Yuji secretly craves for reassurance in his relationship and tends to be clingy at times. In front of others, he shows signs of jealous and possessive behavior.

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     ⇆ㅤㅤ◁🅆ㅤㅤ❚❚ㅤㅤ🅈▷ㅤㅤ↻

[mr-jack-letterman]

*boss music starts playing*

Hello :D tiz I once again!! With more Scenic Our House silliness!!!!!

This is even more fanart for @grubbin22 and their fic "Scenic Our House" on AO3!!!! Pls check it out!

(I meant to finish this all sooner, but school decided to curb my horrific sleeping habits by making me pass out for 3 hours upon arriving home each day so this took longer than intended BSBSBBS)

(click for better quality)

Some silly scenes from the actual fic + some extras.

The Edge vs Snowy fight was so dramatic and cool, and then Edge got frozen BSBSBBSBS dude my face was genuinely so red from laughing it was ridiculous/pos

Also, hypothetical Snowy genocide encounter!!!!!

The options, box, and stats are all traced from undertale itself obviously, for the sake of accuracy, but I did draw the rest lmao. Drawing like this with only black and white was rly fun!

Took me a while to settle with this "Check" flavor text, but "It's snowing cats and dogs" was also something I considered. I felt the situation was a bit too dramatic for something like that tho NSNDNDN.

But yeah!!!! I hope you enjoy my goofy drawings.

Random unrelated funfact (dancing around some spoilers) before Snowy's true nature was revealed my main, I guess "crack theory" for why Snowy looked a lot like a sans but taller and with different magic, was that they were some sort of ancient skeleton ancestor of both sans and papyrus that fell into a centuries long slumber only to be awoken years later.

And the reason they don't have bone magic anymore is because the cold temperatures of their environment forced their magic and body to adapt in order to survive in their vulnerable state.

Obviously I was completely wrong, but I thought it was worth sharing NSNDNDN.

Anywho, I wish you happy writing fellow skeleton enjoyer 👍

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I've been thinking this morning about the connection between Ed still having the Blackbeard beard in Stede's dream that opens s2 and Stede's main fear in this episode being that Ed's life is better off without him.

When Ed shaved his beard in s1e9, he and Stede obviously understood that in very different ways. For Ed, it was a chance to shed the weight of being Blackbeard, to for the first time fully commit to literally seeing who he is under the famous beard and reputation. Stede misses that - for him, shaving was a violation that was done to Ed ("what've they done to your face," he asks, not "what did you do?"), a violation that was Stede's fault. I honestly think it's pretty well-implied that no one even cared about the beard not being "regulation," Ed's long hair certainly wasn't standard, either, and that's just the easiest explanation for Ed to give when he's not even sure himself what he's feeling. He just genuinely wanted to shave his beard, but Stede takes it as a punishment, a sign that Ed has been hurt by him. When he thinks of "Blackbeard brought to ruin," he thinks of Ed's sweet, vulnerable, beardless face looking up at him, and he worries that Ed has been hurt and violated because of him.

Stede's dream is very much a wish fulfillment. He dreams of killing Izzy, getting the cool pirate-y dialogue, running across a beach to Ed in romantic lighting. He dreams, essentially, of things going back to the way they had been, with Ed easily forgiving him and the only real difference from their s1 dynamic being that they now both know they're in love. He dreams of an Ed with the beard because he's scared the real Ed with no beard has been hurt by him in a way that might be impossible to move on from. He's scared Ed with no beard, with that tangible reminder right on his face of what he gave up for Stede, is better off without him.

[humanpurposes]

I Have Always Been A Storm, Part 3

Read the full chapter on AO3 // Main Masterlist

Aemond Targaryen x Floris Baratheon

In the year 128AC, Floris Baratheon weds Aemond Taragryen, a daughter and a son both driven to duty, now bound to each other when the realm is on the brink of war. Floris is enamoured by the Prince, but love is something she can only hope will bloom once her vows have been said before the eyes of the Seven- AU where Aemond and Floris marry before the Dance of the Dragons.

Warnings: 18+, smut, pregnancy, arranged marriage, canon divergence, angst, possibly quite a lot of angst, hurt/comfort

A/n: I watched episode 2 and went... yeah he needs an emotional support wife <3

I don’t flinch at the sound of steel. I stand steadfast on the outlook over the yard, my hair loose about my shoulders, my gown one of Baratheon black and gold. The clouds over King’s Landing this morning are heavy and ominous. I could almost imagine I am back at Storm’s End, watching the knights spar in the courtyard before the drum tower.

Aemond is a graceful fighter, but brutal and precise. He has no taste for tourneys, he does not fight for performance. He parries and deflects the blows from Ser Arryk’s sword with ease, then once he finds an opening he makes short work of disarming his opponent, forcing him to his knees and placing the blade against his throat. 

The closeness between Aemond and I ebbs and flows. As of late we are making good progress; I’ve been watching his morning sparring sessions for the last few weeks. Afterwards we’ll retire to his chambers and take luncheon together before we part ways until the evening. Last night we dined with the Queen, and having returned me to my chambers, he kissed me. 

He does not smile when he looks up at me from the yard. His expression is gentle and not quite passive. He says I am a good wife. He says he is content to have me by his side, and yet he leaves me to an empty bed each night. I keep waiting for the moment he’ll decide we are ready to fulfil our vows. In the meantime I despair that I am no different from any girl at the Red Keep who dreams of a handsome husband and a perfect marriage which is not yet in reach. At least Helaena has her children to keep her occupied; I might as well be unmarried. 

Aemond and Ser Arryk take their positions again.

Aemond lurches forward to strike first. His opponent meets him with swift, succinct blocks, but Aemond is eager to match him in speed. There’s a stiffness in his shoulders as he moves, but he must keep his head in the right position, he must not let his blindspot leave him vulnerable to an attack.

I catch glimpses of his face as he moves, his lips pressed together, his single eye dark and determined.

A nervous feeling flutters in my belly.

A small crowd has gathered to watch them, nobles, other knights, servants, looking upon my husband with both admiration and fear– I feel a sense of pride in the awe Aemond inspires. 

Suddenly he falters.

Ser Arryk takes the opportunity to disarm him, but Aemond is not one to concede easily. He draws the knife on his belt, ducking to avoid Ser Arryk’s blows, until he’s close enough to aim the knife at the knight’s throat. 

Ser Arryk anticipates this and drops his sword, fighting with his hands to keep some distance between Aemond’s knife and his skin. The crowd is anxious now. The slashes of Aemond’s knife are too close. I dig my nails into my palms to stop myself from reacting too obviously.

Ser Arryk grabs Aemond’s right wrist with his left hand, and throws a fist towards the left side of his face– his blind side. 

I feel the impact as if I’ve been struck in the stomach.

Aemond freezes, dropping his knife. He covers his face with his hands. There is no blood that I can see but my heart races. 

I’m halfway down the steps before I realise what I’m doing. 

Ser Arryk is horrified with himself, trying to offer some help to the Prince, only for Aemond to push him away. Servants gather, unsure of what to do, hovering around him like he is a wounded beast. 

I push people out of my way so I can reach him. I place a hand over his, where he cradles his eyepatch. His breathing is quick and heavy, his hand is shaking under my palm.

I whisper, “I’m here.”

He tugs at my sleeve, a bruising grip sinking through the fabric and into my skin, around my very bones. He leans into me, his forehead pressing against the top of my head. “I’m fine,” he grits through his teeth.

“My Lady,” Ser Arryk begins, “I’m sorry– I must have acted out of impulse– I–”

“Fetch a maester,” I order.

“Not necessary,” Aemond says.

Ser Arryk hesitates.

“Fetch a maester!”

“No!” Aemond says, suddenly straightening his back and releasing me from his hold. My heart sinks at the sight of his scar, flared, red, angry. He keeps his fists clenched by his sides, denying himself the pain. “That will be all, Ser Arryk, I shall retire to my chambers.”

He marches off and I trail helplessly behind.

Full chapter on AO3