#the love you told us had to come or we die / talking love talking revolution which is love spelled backwards

[firstfullmoon]

Diane di Prima, “April Fool Birthday Poem for Grandpa”

[firelilyfox]

Nightmares & Soft Words

Dune : Paul Atreides x female reader

Warnings : fluff / mention of loosing someone / mention of war / teasing

You had a nightmare & Paul comforts you

(English is not my first language so please excuse spelling and grammatical mistakes)

Words : 1033

______________________________

Your breathing is shallow as you wake up in the middle of the night because of another horrible dream. Beside you lays Paul who is still peacefully sleeping. His dark curls have managed to fall all over his beautiful face and you resist the urge to touch it to remind you that you are back in reality. Weeks have passed since you were able to sleep peacefully. Too much worries and sorrows filled your mind with fear.

Fear to loose Paul. Fear to see all your friends die. Fear that this brutal war will never end. 

But you haven’t told him about any of that. Paul has such a big responsibility to carry around, that the thought alone telling him about your stupid litte nightmares was pathetic. He deserves to rest and not have to think about his girlfriend being anxious about something that hasn’t even happened yet. 

You take a last look at him and deciding to go for a litte walk through the halls of your underground home. The massive, old stonewalls always seemed to calm you down since you were a little kid. You imagined all the stories that they had been witnessed and all of the Fremen that were here before. 

Every footstep of yours sends a little echo through the empty hallways and while you let your thoughts run free, you somehow find your way to the waters of the souls that died for the greater good. Normally this place would make people sad, but for the Fremen it is a great honor to still be a part of the remaining for eternity. 

The torches on the walls flickers and their light is reflected by the water, wich made the big hall looked warm and gloomy. Before you could take a seat near the water, something catches your attention. Paul was leaning against a wall right behind you. The look on his face made you nervous. 

„Why are you up? Did something happen?“ 

He comes towards you with a frown. „That’s what I should ask you, Y/N. What are you doing here in the middle of the night?“ 

„Oh it’s nothing. I-I just needed fresh air“, you shrugged. 

Paul shakes his head with a smile of disbelief. „You are terrible at lying, love.“ He puts his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. You let him, but still trying to avoid direct eye contact. You are more than sure about the fact, that Paul would be able to see all the horrible things you dreamed about in less than a second. So you just leaned against his touch and trying your best to put on an effortlessly smile for him. 

„Really it’s nothing. Maybe I ate something wrong or haven’t drank enough. We should go back to bed.“ You are trying to get out of his grip, but instead you can feel it tightened around your waist. 

„I won’t let you go anywhere now, until you told me the truth. You seem upset and I will be dammed if I let you go back to sleep like that.“ Paul puts his finger under your chin to force you softly to look at him. That’s when you start to tear up a little. „Talk to me, love.“ 

You sigh. „I had a nightmare again.“ 

His thumb softly wipes away a tear that was rolling down your cheek. „You haven’t told me you were haunted by nightmares before.“ 

„I didn’t want to stress you about something pathetic like that. With all that is going on with the war and the revolution right now … and the Fremen seeing you as their leader … there is no room for something irrelevant like that.“ 

Paul shuts you up with a soft kiss on the lips. Your hands grabbing the thin fabric of his shirt to hold him close to you. 

„Never say something like that again or I’m forced to use the voice on you to get rid of that stupid idea that your nightmares are irrelevant or that there is no room for you coming to me with your problems.“ His words were determining but his voice sounded so very soft, that your heart melted a bit. „I couldn’t possibly do any of this … crazy Lisan al Gaib stuff without knowing that you are alright by my side.“ 

You couldn’t hold back a little smile. „You are very good at finding the right words, Usul.“ 

You using his Fedaykin-Name always had the impact of lightens up his gaze. It reminds him, that you two are very much equal and that he is a part of something worth fighting for. 

„Now tell me what this nightmares are about.“ 

And you did. You told him everything while going back to your room and he hold your hand the entire time. The words came out like a waterfall but now that you hear them out loud, they not seemed so scary anymore. You felt the moment the tension left your body when the two of you got back to bed, lying next to each other so close that no nightmare can come between. 

„If you ever have thoughts like that you need to tell me, love. It is unbearable to me if I can’t be sure, that you and that pretty little head of yours are doing okay.“ He tapped his finger against your forehead. „Do you understand?“ 

„I do understand. But for now…“ You say while you sit up again and take a seat on his lap with spread legs. Paul leaned back on his forearms, admiring you as if there is nothing more beautiful in this world. And to him, there is none. „For now my head is doing more than just okay.“ 

He gives you a little smirk. „That’s good to know. Maybe there is a way we could make your body feel the same way.“ Paul grabs your hips and you start kissing him passionately while your fingers run through his hair. A dark sound escapes his throat as you are slowly moving your hips to create pressure to his growing length between your legs. 

„We should figure out how good you can make me feel, Muad’Dib.“ 

[infiniteglitterfall]

holy shit, they actually took out Ismail Haniyeh

(And that other guy, who I've never heard of but is apparently the Hezbollah leader responsible for the deaths of those 12 Israeli Druze kids playing soccer the other day.)

I have quoted Haniyeh so many times over the past ten months. Not out of admiration. Out of the eternal need to explain to people that HAMAS IS BAD, ACTUALLY. It is NOT "the Palestinian resistance."

Apart from everything else, Hamas staged a violent coup in 2007, kicking the Palestinian government out of Gaza, and has run it as a dictatorship ever since.

I really, really want to talk (more than I already do) about the actual Palestinian resistance. But I think that has to be another post. Because I am not going to be able to shut up about Haniyeh long enough yet.

Haniyeh was essentially the leader of Hamas. The quote I keep going back to is from late last October, from an interview with him that aired on Al-Jazeera TV:

“The blood in the Gaza Strip... the blood of the children, women, and elderly... we need this blood so that it will ignite within us the spirit of revolution, so that it will arouse within us persistence, so that it will arouse within us defiance and advance.”

That's just plain vampire talk.

I don't think he was a vampire. I think if we were in an alternate universe in which any Hamas leader was going to turn out to have secretly been a vampire, it would be Sinwar.

And that dude's not turning anybody else. He's gonna want to keep them for snacks.

I've seen many tweets from Gazans who are fucking pissed that Hamas started a war they did not want, and then basically told them they should die to get it all fired up. Like... maybe calm your tits, Haniyeh??

Listen, I know "calm your tits" is an almost comically inadequate response to this dude. It is going to sound unserious as all hell. But this is all I have to offer at this point.

The man was not interested in calming his fucking tits.

He had a history of saying shit like this. (E.g. in 2014 he said, “We love death like our enemies love life!” CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS, I AM BEGGING YOU.)

He was one of those dictators who has a completely inappropriate and hopefully impossible mission in mind -- okay, yes, fine, that does describe ALL dictators.

This 2011 quote from him (on Hamas's Al-Aqsa TV) describes his mission, and Hamas's, well enough:

“We say today, explicitly, so it cannot be explained otherwise, that the armed resistance and the armed struggle are the path and the strategic choice for liberating the Palestinian land, from the sea to the river, and for the expulsion of the invaders and usurpers from the blessed land of Palestine.

"The Hamas movement will lead intifada after intifada until we liberate Palestine – all of Palestine, Allah willing. Allah Akbar and praise Allah.

"We say with transparency and in a clear manner, that Palestinian reconciliation – and all sides must know this – cannot come at the expense of principles, at the expense of the resistance."

(By "reconciliation," he means letting the Palestinian government run Gaza again -- not by Hamas stepping down, but by the two working jointly to run all of Palestine.

Which would be absolutely fucking disastrous for everyone involved, other than the people in power. Fatah does not have a strong record itself on freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of choice, etc. It's not able to provide any counterbalance to Hamas's 17 years of absolutely brutal methods of crushing dissent.

Anyway, Haniyeh wasn't done talking.)

"These principles are absolute and cannot be disputed: Palestine—all of Palestine—is from the sea to the river. We won't relinquish one inch of the land of Palestine. The involvement of Hamas at any stage with the interim objective of liberation of Gaza, the West Bank, or Jerusalem, does not replace its strategic view concerning Palestine and the land of Palestine.”

The reason is that Hamas's 1988 founding charter, which is an absolutely wild ride, holds that the entire land is an Islamic Waqf. Meaning that it's "consecrated for future Muslim generations until Judgement Day. It, or any part of it, should not be squandered: it, or any part of it, should not be given up… This Waqf remains as long as earth and heaven remain. Any procedure in contradiction to Islamic Sharia, where Palestine is concerned, is null and void."

(That quote, and the wild ride, are in the de-paywalled article below)

This is something Hamas itself came up with. Obviously there are many places there that are holy to Muslims, Jews, and/or Christians.

But Hamas independently decided that not only was the ENTIRE PLACE holy, it was all For Muslims Only: not to be sold to or by anyone else, etc.

(Wikipedia calls it "a relatively recent belief... forming part of the group's mythology," and cites political scholar Yitzhak Reiter, who calls it "a novel politically-oriented myth, rooted neither in Islamic legal texts nor in historical practice.")

He's apparently being portrayed as something of a moderate in a lot of media coverage about his death.

I can see the temptation to consider him a moderate by comparison with, say, Hamas military commander Muhammad Deif, because it's Haniyeh, not the military, who's been involved in ceasefire negotiations.

But fuck, there's no such thing as a grade curve steep enough to make this guy a moderate. Even his ceasefire negotiations were not moderate.

Haniyeh has been perfectly clear and consistent: "We are committed to our demands: the permanent ceasefire, comprehensive and complete withdrawal of the enemy out of the Gaza Strip, the return of all displaced people to their homes, allowing all aid needed for our people in Gaza, rebuilding the Strip, lifting the blockade and achieving an honourable prisoner exchange deal."

You cannot: * invade, * burn 12 villages to the ground while trying to kill everyone in them, * take -- what was the final count, 262 hostages? -- including a literal infant who, if still alive, has now spent more of his life as a hostage than not, * publicly state you will repeat the attack "again and again and again" until Israel is violently destroyed, * then say that your requirements for hostage return are (1) Israel stops trying to eliminate Hamas and go home, (2) everyone in Gaza goes home, (3) Israel has to agree to rebuild the Strip, (4) Israel has to lift the blockade on weapon supplies, (5) unspoken lack of a limit on a Hamas ceasefire, and THEN (6) you'll NEGOTIATE hostage return. Not "return the hostages," but NEGOTIATE how many prisoners Israel has to release for each hostage. Which gives Hamas the option to say that it couldn't reach an agreement and not release anybody.... * And be a moderate.

Like, by that standard, Netanyahu is even more moderate. Possibly even liberal.

And I don't think ANYBODY (short of Ben-Gvir, maybe) is calling Netanyahu a moderate. Giving ceasefire demands that are not for a ceasefire. That instead say, "end the war with zero requirements for us and we'll consider returning your hostages." Has gotten Haniyeh and Hamas a lot of very unearned credit for "negotiation," and "willingness to agree to a ceasefire," and, apparently, being "moderate." Somehow, it keeps surprising me that a ton of people see this not as "refusing a ceasefire entirely," but as willing and open negotiation.

I'm closing with two tweets from preeminent Palestinian human rights activist Bassem Eid.

[hamliet]

Hamliet, can I ask what do you think of Judas Iscariot? I just heard my mom told my little niece so she don't end up like Judas Iscariot the "Traitor". Like I think it's so sad to become doom since birth. But without his actions there would not be crucifixion, right? Now when I become an adult I felt sorry for him.

And as Christian, I'm embarrassed that my Church still support Is**el even until now because that is what the Bible said, like WTF....

Also, I'm glad when I read your meta, that I'm not the only one who think David is bisexual....

To start with, yeah. That's awful. I grew up in a church with similar views. That's a very uncritical view of Scripture, to the point where it denies the authenticity/power of other aspects of the Bible in favor of literalism (and in favor of earthly powers like nation-states, which is all too often at the root of a lot of evil done in the name of not just Christianity, but any religion). The Bible tells everyone to love thy neighbor as yourself and to welcome people. Christian nationalism is a cancer and responsible for a lot of the support for the government of Israel in the US. But that again centers power, not Christ.

For Judas... well. I'm sorry your niece got told that; unless she's threatening to sell your mom or her friends out to the state for the death penalty I don't think that's a fair accusation lol.

Putting under the cut because I'm gonna talk theology!

But to get back to Judas, it actually connects to what I said above a bit--namely, earthly powers. I think Judas was well-intentioned and tragic. When Jesus entered the gates of Jerusalem the week prior to the crucifixion, everyone was shouting "Hosanna!" and laying down olive branches because they believed he was the Messiah, whom they believed would oust the Roman Empire who had been oppressing them. And them wanting the Romans gone was, to put it mildly, very valid.

But that wasn't what Jesus came to do in the Gospels. He came to do more than they could ask or think--instead of liberating them from earthly powers of oppression and moving on to spiritual ones, he started with the spiritual first (the ones we humans cannot hope to counter). He conquered death itself. But to do that, he had to die. As humans, we can't conquer death on our own--it's a natural part of life, and yet paradoxically, everyone who has ever lost someone close to them knows how unnatural death is.

That isn't to say Jesus didn't care about the earthly powers. I think he does. But he gave people the Holy Spirit to help move earthly powers; the sad thing is that the Church has all too often joined forces with them instead of, you know, reconsidering. But power is a very appealing idea, because at the heart of power comes justification and affirmation of the ones in power.

To bring it back to Judas--I honestly think there's a very good chance he was among the people who made the assumption Jesus would liberate them from Roman rule. Actually, it's pretty clear in Scripture that most if not all the disciples thought this, which is why they didn't seem to "get" the fact that he literally told them he was going to die over and over. And so Judas took matters into his own hands and handed Jesus over, hoping that this would jumpstart the revolution. Except it didn't, and Judas regretted it.

I also think it's worth noting that almost all the disciples, including Judas, were under 20 years old. At that time if they were older than 20, they would have been married. Peter is the only disciple who is said to be married; it's also plausible Matthew was older than 20 thanks to being a tax collector. The rest almost certainly were not.

So think of Judas as being like, 17-19 here. Idealist kiddo thinking he knows best and can save the world, who has grown up under occupation and seen the abuses that causes first hand, hopes to not only be liberated (a good hope) but to be in power himself; what's wrong with taking steps to force this to happen? I think it's more than understandable why he did what he did, and thought he was justified. I don't know I'd think differently.

But he wasn't. An innocent man was crucified. Yet from that act, the world was offered resurrection, a chance at a new life. From the evil, God turned it to good. Judas, it seems, didn't stick around long enough to see that.

However, that doesn't mean that Judas is in the deepest circle of hell for ever and ever. We don't know that. There is another verse in the Bible that states that Jesus is reconciling "all things" to himself. And the word for all means all, as in everything, everywhere, every time. I've got to think that means Judas, too.

[elkdiaries]

will - true blue

when you moved to chicago / you were spinning out / when you don't know who you are / you fuck around and find out / when you called me from the train / water freezing in your eyes / you were happy and i wasn't surprised / and it feels good to be known so well / i can't hide from you like i hide from myself

lucas - cool about it

once, i took your medication to know what it's like / and now i have to act like i can't read your mind / i ask you how you're doing and i let you lie / but we don't have to talk about it / i can walk you home and practice method acting / i’ll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning / tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing / even though we know it isn't true

el - letter to an old poet

you’re not special, you’re evil / you don’t get to tell me to calm down / you make me feel like an equal / but i’m better than you / and you should know that by now / when you fell down the stairs / it looked like it hurt and i wasn’t sorry / i shoulda left you right there / you don’t know me / i wanna be happy

max - revolution 0

i don’t wanna die / that’s a lie / but i’m afraid to get sick / i don’t know what that is / wish i wasn’t so tired, but i’m tired / if you’re not enough / then i give up / and then nothing is / i used to think / if i just closed my eyes / i’d disappear

erica - $20

it’s a bad idea and i’m all about it / give it one more chance and then i finally had it / when you wake up, i’ll be gone again / mama told me that it don't run on wishes, but that i should have fun / pushing the flowers that come up into the front of a shotgun / so many hills to die on / run out of gas, out of time, out of money / take a break, make your escape / there’s only so much i can take

mike - satanist

you wonder / if you can ever be seen / from so far away / a slow pull / a seismic drift / leaning over the edge of the continent / it’s so hard to come back / you hang on / until it drags / you under, you under

dustin - anti-curse

tried to be a halfway decent friend / wound up a bad comedian / an honest fool with more bad habits than you can count / there we were / was anyone ever so young? / breaking curfew with illegal fireworks / unpacking god in the suburbs / writing the words / to the worst love song you've ever heard / sounding out the foreign characters / an incantation like an anti-curse / or even a blessing

boygenius; the record — the party

[fymagnificentwomcn]

I still have plenty to say on the topic, so bear with me, the original link is here, it would be too much there I think.

Anyway thank you Sol @palaceoftears for these tags that succinctly sum up the main point of the original post, let's bring them as starting point here:

#joanna you ate this!!! missed reading you#truly love how deeply you analyzed that confronting suleyman IS confronting the system!#also the freeing aspect because like freedom doesn't have to mean happiness?#yes ofc hurrem wouldn't be happy knowing ultimately suleyman didn't love her & her children over himself#but it's still freeing to not live yout whole life brainwashed lol?#like I never get how ppl that loves her watch her going from 'i'll kill the sultan' & 'don't treat us as animals' to dependant on suleyman#and just go 'happy ending :D' about it#mahidevran sultan#hurrem sultan#sultan suleiman#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil

You know how much I dislike Surrem, but I absolutely get people shipping it without getting it like "happy in love" (huge kudos to my sis Tisha) since it's an extremely complicated, mutually toxic relationship, while yes they do love each other at same time. But they are both each other's heaven and hell simultaneously throughout the whole show, with Hürrem being in worse position due to power imbalance. Power imbalance that never fully goes away. He might also be dependent on her in emotional way since he himself comes to belief she is the only person who would never betray him (because she truly had least benefit in it). Don't be fooled though, if she had e.g. crowned Bayezid in S3 as Sah intended, he would have shown her no mercy. /I once mentioned a bit about them, also historically here./

And LBR she got mistreated by him (please, he told her to kill herself for him, and the goal was not to determine whether she had poisoned Mustafa truly) multiple times before S4, it was only because of the topic covered I mentioned S4 stuff, especially related to how he screwed her kids.

People think of stuff in "tangible" categories and why stuff like mere "awareness" (without leading a revolution or whatever lol) seems to have little meaning.

Which is again one of the main themes of the show - to give voice also to those who lost and as such do not have the "but we won, we were happy, we lived" defence always acting for them. Bah, even controversies or discussions surrounding them. They are losers, not even worthy to talk about, and put on sidelines. We often discuss what motivated the "big figures" who got to become rulers, even if we do not approve of their actions or criticize them. Rarely we talk about "losers". Which is what Mustafa's letter stressed - people will deem me as traitor, while your name will be written in golden letters because of all your victories. This alone will make your name remembered. And even considering that Mustafa was lucky in that people generally did not believe him to be a traitor, with Bayezid it was much harder because yeah he did openly rebel and it's not something we can deny. But some jump to conclusions like 'he was insolent and one day decided to rebel for no reason' (yes, I've seen such takes) is very simplistic. I do not even approve of a lot of his actions there since while I get his anger at Suly and Selim I hate how he involves plenty of soldiers in a fight without a chance to succeed as long as Suly ass lives, but damn takes like above truly erase what brought him to such point. Because he was the prince with bigger support at that time. He could have waited for his father to die soon and easily taken the throne. /And historically - yes if you actually dig up sources, he didn't wake up and decide to attack innocent cookie pacifist Selim lol/. Show! Bayezid telling Defne that he would be labelled as a "rebellious prince" for future generations with obvious evidence backing it up means a lot because even though he IS one, there is so much more to this story and what bought him to this point, starting from his father's attitude to him since he was a kid.

And damn I do need to stress the need for the critical approach to SOW (which does not preclude stanning the characters/getting interested in historical figures ofc)? Maybe not here, but I still see TikTok shit on “The big 5” introducing feminism to Ottoman harem. There is no revolution we can talk of in any case, but truly, where is feminism involved in Haseki institution? It only privileges one woman over others. The others are still required to serve them, which is why we had the Hürrem/Gülnihal and Nurbanu/Valeria stories. And what it ties with what Sol says once Hürrem tries to kill Gülnihal - her parents' ghosts appearing to tell her It's not revenge. It's not what you promised us. Meanwhile, the men are still in power, with a person like Suleiman having unlimited agency. More.. the man selects the woman he gives those privileges too. And even if he grants her freedom (if HE pleases so), it has little actual effect because we all know she is still forbidden to leave him and would have lost her kids anyway if she had done so. Thus said, the moment when show Hürrem slams the door to Sulyass' stupid face is one of my fave Surrem moments without a doubt and one of fave H moments in general ahsmshs. / BTW One day I will finally talk how Westerners focus more on say legal marriage when it that system having multiple sons was more ground-breaking because even free brides from noble families who did not have children had little power and agency. /

There is plenty of irony involved, just as Mahi finally freeing herself from attachment to Suly once he rejects her freedom to which he is entitled by the System. Bah, only he has the power to do so regarding his women. It's all only at his own discretion.

It is precisely what I also mean by "taboo-breaking" and the questioning Mahi does of Suleiman and the way he (as Sultanate) operates. In that world mere questioning could break the taboo. We do not know what future lay ahead for anyone, but damn what he kept doing was neither just nor wise according to the very norms of the times themselves. Yes, Mustafa was the most promising and fitting candidate for the throne and he did not betray his father, so Suleiman removing him from "open succession" was not even why this method of succession had been established in the first place and demanded from princes assembling their own support, also ensuring that he would be easily accepted to prevent discord and rebellions. Mustafa did it too well, the horror. And that him wanting to do something (also as he himself stated, since he got privilege of being the prince and be able to rule, he should not sit idly, but use it for good purpose and the people) only brought him troubles because of Suly ass own ego only shows again the problems with this system and being centered on one person so much. Suleiman violated a lot for his own agenda, centered around himself, not the future of the state. This is what Mahi is criticizing and stating it to his face when he tried to paint his son as a traitor to present himself as just and acting for the state IS taboo-breaking in itself. Asking the question instead of dismissing it all as "fate", as Mihrimah tried.

Mahidevran tries to awake Mihri, who while rich and "still in power play", is very similar to her in many ways (also with the one big sin that has weighted on them silently). They all lost. Even Selim. Getting Mihri's brother (Hürrem's son) on the throne did not mean triumph and happiness for her. Heck, even Selim is a walking wreck. It's not even about sides because SS truly managed to destroy everyone's lives, not only one side's, so in the end it's not even favoritism. All for him to go with his beautiful words, a show-off victory, and his beloved throne (while saying something else in his monologue). Mahi telling Mihri to stop holding her father blameless IS the moment making someone else's eyes open and maybe do not let actively go for something that will not help anyone out at this point, like causing discord between Selim and his son. These are small things that are important for the theme and how mental freedom is also of value. Same with awareness. Nobody expects revolution or claims something. And we are at a particular point when Mahi already lost Mustafa and says it already in the context with him gone. She won't resurrect him with her words ofc LOL. And Mahi truly didn't have to do this, just take popcorn and look at Hürrem's kids & other descendants fighting even more.

You can precisely see when SS decides how to dispose of Bayezid when Mihri says she will never forgive him and will be dead to him if he executes her brother. The lightbulb over his head in this moment lol. So her continuing to hold him blameless, while putting everything on Selim and Nurbanu is buying his shit and rules of the Sultanate. Mihri might have power, so she can stir things up in attempt to still "win", but.. they all lost. Her acceptance of it and stating it out loud before leaving Topkapi again has meaning. One might continue to have power and live in palace (unlike Mahi), but they all lost anyway. Mere meddling that can cause only chaos to still try to win is meaningless and can ony be harmful. As such, Mahi's words can have at least some impact.

Mahi and fate as Sol's post with Plami's commentary also has this delicious tidbit with mirror - most likely Hürrem would have never ceased to hunt down Mustafa after Mehmed's death because she had decided on eliminating him long before that and kept carrying out the plan via concrete & repeated actions. However, Mahi still questions herself on that because she can never know. And even if it changed nothing, it still tormented her and polluted her conscience. Because culpability is still there, regardless of "system" and circumstances" and whether it has any tangible effect or not. Same with Selim still being culpable even though SS wanted Bayezid executed. He still chose to do so anyway. Bah, he is actually very self-conscious and states clearly that he won because unlike the others he was able to kill his brother.

Similarly, Mustafa, Cihangir, and Bayezid also made their choices. Mustafa could have axed Suleiman and it would have been hard to blame him for this in the situation it boilt down to. Actually, he was the one with biggest support at that moment, so rules of the Sultanate definitely allowed him to dispose of an aging ruler who began making a multitude of mistakes. He had the biggest power at his disposal if he wanted to. Moreover, Musti also chose to invite the member of the opposition faction because she was his sister, despite said sister openly declaring her standing on the opposite side and speaking to him "with her mother's words" last time they met. Once more, instead of rules of Sultanate and how the system expected him to act, he chose familial bonds.

Then again, Bayezid did have Selim on his knees in front of him and chose not to kill Selim, despite Selim never promising him any change or begging for mercy.

They both died, but they also could have chosen differently and compromised their conscience and values in the process.

Yet the opposite choice to adhere to the Darwinist rules and get the throne at any cost is not something mechanic that promises happiness or safety, either. Actually, it can make you painfully blind. We see Hürrem deciding blood will be spilled only of her enemies once she learns her son is going to end up on the throne. When she meets with the witch after Mustafa is dead and the throne for one of her sons IS a certain thing.. it's not what she wanted to hear, starting from her own imminent demise from natural causes. Same with her trust in the "human face" of the Sultanate aka Suly ass:

The "right, sultana?" is an ironic call-back to the beginning of the episode when she uses same words about Suly's power to exclude herself from the matter of Mustafa's death.

Also let us note the use of the word "destiny"😱 .

Also, Hürrem did not come back to ponder her preceding conversation with the witch earlier, as she had another proof of herself not interpreting it correctly - when she assumed Nazenin's baby would be the one the witch predicated as the Sultan. Nurbanu was after all pregnant with Murad at the same time.. so no, the witch was not mistaken, Hürrem was simply so caught up in her own vision of how it would go (also with Baye taking the throne) or assumed the witch to be mistaken, so she didn't notice it was about her grandson.

Another interesting thing is that the witch also predicts Mihrimah's future and that while her physical illness will pass soon, the spiritual pain will soon start and persist.

Because even if we "win" in that we survive, it does not need to bring happiness with it. At all.

It doesn't work like this either (Mihri talks about sacrifing Musti and Cih), while we are at it. There are no simple mechanisms like that! And how Mihri adopts her mother stance and calls her out that only one of her sons can survive according to the Darwinist rules (which is also what Rüstem advocates in any circumstances, only for him there is no support for Bayezid really... any can go) is just irony at its finest, and it stems also from her feeling of guilt - I already tainted my conscience and went again familial bonds, so let it at least mean victory for my favourite brother. She is now quick to accept one of them will die, she just wants to ensure it's not Bayezid.

Another of Hürrem's children that do adopt her "survival no matter the cost" agenda (and no, it's hard going for that to "pacifism" agenda shortly after getting what you wanted), and to a bigger extent, is Selim obviously.. Selim states to Bayezid that he will live because he is capable of killing his brother for his own survival. But we know what sort of life this is (and that he won't live long from history). He might later quote his mother to Mihrimah and convince himself that since nobody is innocent under this dome, so only the deserving win, but outside that, he does call himself a "brother killer" and does consider it a burden. /And Selim being his mother's son is another fascinating topic, since he was like.. her least fave and yet he is the one most alike her and who most absorbed her views and agenda.. to later emerge as sort-of third unexpected faction /.

Neither Mihrimah nor Selim ever found peace after adhering to the System's rules of fratricide. Bah, they cannot even be a family again as the only surviving members.. instead they openly accuse each other of being brother killers. Judging by history, they will eventually learn to co-operate, but nothing will be the same ever again. There is no moral victory in it for sure. Selim does not claim it any point. Actually, he is the one to point out that: We all lost. Innocence died and nothing will be as before. We can accuse Selim of many things, but he is a pretty self-conscious character indeed.

The others might be dead, but they did adhere to their principles and values due to choice.

The power of reflection or questioning is also tied to to the concept of choice as what makes us a human. MC never promises us happy ending (how it could, we all know the ending point), but the mere presentation of choice, of humans trying to create something positive, like Mustafa, Bayezid, and Cihangir deciding not to fight against each other as expected, is meaningful.

Instead we got nobody truly winning or benefitting from what happened LBR. It cannot get worse than that, really.

The whole issue again reflects what I said earlier in that post on how Erdogan historical propaganda works. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but there is no questioning at all. Instead we have normalization of violence and presenting it as something necessary, and that there is no choice or alternative to what happened. The sultan killed his brothers, but he had to. It was necessary, it was automatic. There is even no person behind it, but a robot always doing the right (even if brutal) choice because "it was like that".

And to some up the great ironies of life, we can remember that Mahi who lost it all... survived them all, so she won the Darwinist game in the end despite being rejected by System multiple times:

[ganseysglasses]

I’ve had boygenius brain rot since The Record was released so let me tell you what song goes to which of the raven cycle characters.

Starting with the obvious, Ronan is SO revolution 0 are you kidding?? “i don’t wanna die / that’s a lie / but i’m afraid to get sick / i don’t know what that is” so so so Ronan. ALSO “i used to think if i just closed my eyes / i would disappear” ?? enough said. revolution 0 is questioning the world you’re in and your purpose in it and if that isn’t the epitome of Ronan Lynch idk what it.

Adam is definitely Letter To An Old Poet to me. This was a really hard choice because Adam Parrish is incredibly boygenius coded but i have evidence. “you’re not special, you’re evil / you don’t get to tell me to calm down / you made me feel like an equal / but i’m better than you / and you should know that by now” it’s Adam Parrish learning who he is and that he’s more than his background, more than what he’s been told he is by his father, the other students at aglionby, and even himself. Letter To An Old Poet makes me feel like reflecting on what used to be and realizing how much time has changed everything around me. That’s just so Adam!!

I’m not SUPER confident on this one, but Noah is Anti-Curse. First of all, Noah Czerny just seems like a Julien Baker fan idk. Also kind of obvious text evidence “making peace with my inevitable death.” now i KNOW that could also be Gansey, but hear me out. Noah knew from the beginning that he was going to be gone and leave his friends over and over again (poor guy :( ) and he still MOURNED and resisted his inevitable undoing. I feel like Gansey didn’t even actually come to terms with his death. All of the Raven King was spent searching for a solution, and even though Gansey had proof he would die, he didn’t quit searching for a solution. Noah on the other hand embodies Anti-Curse and the theme of making peace with where you are. It’s really heartbreaking honesty.

Gansey boy himself is OBVIOUSLY True Blue. I have authority on this because i AM Gansey. He’s me. Anyways, i realized Gansey was true blue when i heard the line “but it feels good to be known so well / i can’t hide from you like i hide from myself” which is also when i had the idea for this post (before taking many weeks to write it out). Additionally just think about Gansey’s relationship with his friends with this verse “you’ve never done me wrong except for that one time / that we don’t talk about / because it doesn’t matter anymore / who won the fight? / I don’t know” Gansey being so willing to do anything for his friends, and ignore any fights or disagreements just to get them to stay. True Blue embodies the longing to be seen. to be known and understood and loved in despite of people seeing. And that’s a very clear character trait of Gansey’s throughout the books.

Finally, Blue Sargent herself. She’s Satanist, which i feel might be a bit of an obvious choice but it fits. Blue makes it known where she stands on everything, is very independent, and has a lot to prove, which really suits this song. The verse “will you be an anarchist with me? / sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie / at least until you find out what a fake i am” says it best. Blue is so desperate to be sure of herself and achieve what she wants, but there’s so much she’s not sure of. (her principles after finding her raven boys, college, careers, their quest, etc) Satanist is a song that takes a stand so confidently while having no real intention of acting upon the decisions made. Not because it doesn’t believe in the decisions or the principles behind it, but because it doesn’t believe in itself.

Anyways that’s my interpretation of the raven cycle with special guests Boygenius!

[manwalksintobar]

April Fool Birthday Poem for Grandpa // Diane di Prima

Today is your birthday and I have tried writing these things before, but now in the gathering madness, I want to thank you for telling me what to expect for pulling no punches, back there in that scrubbed Bronx parlor thank you for honestly weeping in time to innumerable heartbreaking italian operas for pulling my hair when I pulled the leaves off the trees so I'd know how it feels, we are involved in it now, revolution, up to our knees and the tide is rising, I embrace strangers on the street, filled with their love and mine, the love you told us had to come or we die, told them all in that Bronx park, me listening in spring Bronx dusk, breathing stars, so glorious to me your white hair, your height your fierce blue eyes, rare among italians, I stood a ways off, looking up at you, my grandpa people listened to, I stand a ways off listening as I pour out soup young men with light in their faces at my table, talking love, talking revolution which is love, spelled backwards, how you would love us all, would thunder your anarchist wisdom at us, would thunder Dante, and Giordano Bruno, orderly men bent to your ends, well I want you to know we do it for you, and your ilk, for Carlo Tresca, for Sacco and Vanzetti, without knowing it, or thinking about it, as we do it for Aubrey Beardsley Oscar Wilde (all street lights shall be purple), do it for Trotsky and Shelley and big/dumb Kropotkin Eisenstein's Strike people, Jean Cocteau's ennui, we do it for the stars over the Bronx that they may look on earth and not be ashamed.

[defiant-ex-soldiers]

Headcanon: Music Taste

((Usually, when I do Headcanons like this, I think songs that remind me of the muse rather than what they would actually listen to, but Mateo actually has the same taste in music (Alternative) as me this time, so this is the kind of music he listens to (Without the influence of his friends getting him into other genres. Poe likes songs about Revolution though so he probably influenced some of them.)

Mateo, like me, likes songs that can make him feel like he can do anything.

In My Bones- City Wolf

Feel the fire and see the smoke Like a hurricane when the thunder rolls I thought by now that you ought to know I've got a renegade soul That you can't control And I'm on a roll So don't try to hold me no Don't you know There's a lot of fight in my bones

((As soon as I heard this song, I knew it was practically Mateo's theme song. City Wolf in general fits a lot of Mateo's rebellious themes. Even if he doesn't fit the "Ex-SOLDIERs" part of this blog, he's still Defiant.))

--

Uproar- City Wolf

Feel the wave come over us Like rising from the dust Phoenix out of the ash Here we come at last We're an ember from a fire Like the echo of a choir Cause flames they never die no Like a lightning crash We're the rage of the storm We're the ebb and the flow We're wind when it blows Can you hear the uproar? So let's settle the score You can't stop the takeover We're ready for war This is an uproar

((Speaking of City Wolf being perfect for him, I just love this song for him. It's pretty much what spawned the Civil War AU in my head (which I have yet to really talk about on here) where Mateo and a lot of the other Infantrymen try to overthrow ShinRa. I have a few Hero Forge Refs for that verse if anyone ever wants to see them (I had one with just Mateo that I added Oliver to as well.) ))

--

All Eyes On You- Smash Into Pieces

The whole world's watching every move Take your shot, don't act a fool All you've got and all you'll ever need Is one bullet in the chamber Breathe easy, take your aim, boy Ain't nobody gonna save you So what you gonna do? All eyes on you Now the whole world's watching every move Still your heart so much to prove Fight for all the things that you believe in Now the whole world's watching every move Take your shot, don't act a fool All you've got and all you'll ever need Is one bullet in the chamber

((This is the first song I ever related to Mateo! I think it says a lot about him and his job as an Infantryman.))

--

Marching On- City Wolf

Left right left and step by step We're moving 'till the dawn, yeah We'll keep marching on We're gonna keep on We're gonna keep on We'll keep marching on Take steps and keep moving forward Gotta push and blow the doors open The future's ours we see it we know it You can't stop the revolution is growing yeah Ahead never back The movement's here We're staking our claim The picture's clear This is our anthem This is our song March on

((Another general Infantry song, but with a hint of revolution, which still fits Mateo. Also, City Wolf.))

--

Way Down We Go- KALEO

You let your feet run wild Time has come as we all, oh, go down Yeah but for the fall, ooh, my Do you dare to look him right in the eyes? Yeah Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down 'til you go Yeah, so you can't crawl no more

((This one is just a classic when it comes to songs about Revolution. Simple as that.))

--

Run Like A Rebel- The Score

There's a million faces Told to get in line Spend their lives in cages Until the day they die But I'm not a number I can't be defined Yeah, I feel the hunger I think that it's time That I run like a rebel Run like a rebel, run like a rebel, run like the rebel Shake off the devil, shake off the devil Run like a rebel, run like a rebel

(("I'm not a number, I can't be defined" Really screams Mateo to me, as well as that first verse up there.))

--

Good To Be Alive- The Score

It's a long, dark road, tryna make it on your own And there's snakes everywhere you go No more living in the past 'cause that was last season my vision's looking crystal clear (Oh) no fear, no fear (Oh) bless my soul, I'm standing here Made it out from the bottom and I came out the other side Damn, it feels good to be alive whoa (Whoa) it feels good to be alive (Whoa) whoa (Whoa) it feels good to be alive

((Just, a good song for post Meteorfall Mateo, I think.))

--

We Shall Overcome- All Good Things

We shall overcome We shall not be silent We will rise as one You can not deny us Won't be broken by the fever We'll get stronger, not get weaker Now not dead, not done We shall, we shall overcome Don't lay back down The fight is on We must be strong And fly our flags Of victory into the sky Above the smoke and the fires We will rise, oh

((Just another really good group Infantryman song about how tightly knit Mateo and his Infantry friends are because nobody else is going to really care about them, so they'll care about each other.))

--

Revolution- Royal Deluxe

Get loud, let's start a revolution Stand up all together now Get loud, one voice, one truth, one sound Nobody gonna turn us down Can't stay quiet no more Let's break down the walls with a roar Get loud, let's start a revolution Stand up all together now Get loud Let's make a scene, make history, here we go Up on your feet, rise up and scream, let 'em all know We're gonna let 'em all know We ain't gonna run, we ain't gonna hide Try to take us down, still we're gonna rise, every time, oh We got the, we got the power We got the, we got the power

((Another Civil War AU song. I tend to associate a lot of songs with themes of Revolution with Mateo XD ))

--

Revolution- The Score

Wide awake, the fever burns Sweat it out, wait my turn Can you hear the drumming? There's a revolution coming All this doubt is creepin' in Inside out, I shed my skin Can you hear the drumming? There's a revolution coming I been waitin' all my life To live, when I've only been dreaming Get love when I've only been stealing Can't let time keep passing me by Run down what I've always been chasing Black out every fear I've been facing

((Another revolution song, how predictable XD This one was actually what got me started on the whole band long long before Mateo even existed. It really fits him.))

[casspurrjoybell-31]

The Consort - Chapter 9 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Finn

"I'm not sure how she'll feel when she wakes up but..." my voice trails off and I tip my head to the side to peek at Kelly over Brayden's shoulder.

Suddenly the idea of discussing any of this in front of my former best friend feels wrong.

I chew on my bottom lip and Brayden's eyes narrow in on the action.

He watches me nibble on the supple flesh and my stomach tightens wondering what it would feel like if my lip was being nibbled by him instead.

"Can we step into another room to talk about this?" I whisper.

Brayden sighs as if the request is ridiculous.

He turns away from me and reaches into his coat pocket to retrieve a small bag of blood.

I grimace as he hands it over to Kelly.

"I won't be long," Brayden assures him.

"But if the hunger gets too strong while I'm away, drink this. It will tide you over."

Kelly studies the bag before glancing at me again.

I silently wonder if I'm the first human he's been around since he's been changed.

Professor Adams taught us that when a vampire changes, he is still adjusting to a lack of human emotions and an overwhelming surge of natural instincts, in other words, a very dangerous time to be around an immortal.

I spin on my wheels and walk to the bathroom.

It's not exactly a convenient place to talk but Kelly's apartment doesn't have many options.

Brayden follows only a few steps behind me, and when we're both in the small confines of the bathroom, I close the door behind us.

Brayden's wide shoulders and immense height look comical in here.

Now he's only inches away from me,and I shove my back against the towel rack as hard as I can to keep distance between us.

He might not have any trouble keeping his hands off of me but I can't claim the same level of self-control.

"Thanks for coming in here," I say, swallowing hard.

"I know it's probably not the best time to leave Kelly alone but it felt weird talking about all this in front of him. Especially when he has no recollection of it."

Brayden blinks, unfazed.

"Right. So, as I was saying, Fiona didn't take the news well. Obviously. And I'm not sure if you knew this but she's part of all of this."

I wave my hand around the room to signify the Revolution, hoping he'll understand my train of thought.

"Now that Kelly's been changed, I'm not sure how she'll feel... about any of it. I'm not sure what she'll want to do or how to move on. So maybe... maybe it would be smart if you took Kelly back to Vamp Land. Just until we figure out the plan."

Brayden snorts and shakes his head.

"There is no plan, human. Once I take your friend from his home, he will never be returning."

My eyes widen.

"Like hell."

"If she is anything like him, your friend will try to cut his heart out and use it against me and any other vampire she can get her hands on."

My indignation swells and I lean forward, suddenly irritated.

"Don't act like you know them because you don't. Not either of them."

Brayden's red eyes turn to slits and leans forward as well.

I try to ignore the potency of his heady scent, focusing on my anger while he speaks.

"What I do know," he argues...

"Is that by the time I reached your friend Kelly, he was minutes away from death."

Brayden pauses, letting this news sink in.

"She was sucking his blood, allowing her venom into his veins while doing so. When I finally pulled her away, I asked him what his choice was. He told me he wanted to die."

My lips part in disbelief.

I knew Kelly wasn't a fan of his role of consort but I had no idea he hated vampires so much.

Hell, I never knew Fiona did either.

"If his hatred for immortals is any indication of hers," Brayden whispers, nodding his head to Fiona's bedroom next to us.

"She will attempt to kill the both of us without hesitation."

"But she loves him..."

"She'll get over it."

"You can't take him away," I argue.

"On the contrary, human. I can't leave him here. He no longer belongs in your world. I gave you my word I would bring him back but I never promised to keep him here. He needs to come back with me, both for your safety and for his."

I blink slowly, shaking my head from side to side.

"Why did you allow the change to happen? Why didn't you let him die?"

Brayden's quiet for a long moment.

Then he gets close to me, so close I can feel every word that falls from his lips caress the small space of air between us.

He reaches down to grab my hand, pulling it to his face.

The warmth of my fingertips brush against the harsh plans of his cheekbone.

"This is death, one he'll have to live with forever," my vampire answers.

"It was the death of his human body, the death of his memories and the death of his emotions. I did let him die, human. He just doesn't know it yet."

[crackspinewornpages]

Les Misérables 290/365 -Victor Hugo

281

Journals called the barricade of Rue de la Chanvrerie nearly impregnable, it was only seven feet high and had a hole to pass through between house walls a red flag floated above it. They distant fear, an attack through he difficult street of Rue des Plecheurs when the two barricades were finished Courfeyrac mounted a table and distributed cartridges for the powder barrel to be reserved. The alarm through Paris fell into monotony and ignored. (like major news people get bored after a few days with nothing new exciting) Enjorlas assigned watchers and post sentinels stationed and they waited as twilight came. “on the mist of that silence through which something could be felt advancing and which had about it something tragic and terrifying, isolated, armed, determined and tranquil.”p.701

282  

While waiting men made bullets and watched and the Friends of the ABC talked about their past peaceful schooldays and conversations and recited love verses. “Do you remember our sweet life, when we were both so young, and when we had no other desire in our hearts then to be well dressed and in love?”p.701 (I feel this is poignant somehow) The stars started to come out and a lamp was lighted at a barricade, (the beacons are lit Paris calls for aide!) it and the streets sunk in gloom which had the red flag in a terrible purple.

283

Night came and they only heard distant noises, the Government was taking its time and building forces. Gavroche was in the top room when the grey-haired man of the Rue des Billettes barricade came in unnoticed by everyone else and Gavroche couldn’t believe who it was. Enjorlas got Gavroche and ordered him to spy outside the barricade and Gavroche told him the man is a police spy. (modern undercover police and government agents are easy to spy they can’t shake their uniformity) Enjorlas whispered to a longshoreman who left to get three more and surrounded the man. Enjorlas demanded to know who he is an agent of the authorities, Javert. On signal the four men pinned him and searched his pockets and found his orders and bound him to a post, they plan to kill him before the barricade is taken, they are judges, not assassins and Gavroche wants his gun.

284

The social birth pangs in a revolutionary birth, epic savage horror that followed after Garoche’s departure. Mobs snowball, possibly joined the rabble after Enjorlas and his friends. The drunkard, Le Cubuc, lead a group and tried to break into a house killing an old porter who wouldn't let them in. The horror filled Enjorlas stopped him giving him a minute before killing him too. He has him tossed outside and explains to the people they were under the eyes of the Revolution, they are the priests of the Republic, victims of duty, so he judged and killed that man and condemned himself, Combeferre will share his fate. He obeyed necessity but it’s a monster of the old world, the name of Fatality it will vanish in Fraternity. “It is a bad moment to pronounce the word love. No matter, I will pronounce it. And I glorify it. Love, the future is tine. Death, I make use of thee, but I hate thee.”p.708 In the future no one will kill anyone, the human race will love in that order they are about to die. Le Cubuc had a police card, his name was Claquesous who had disappeared into the shadows. Courfeyrac looked at the barricade and saw the young man who inquired about Marius.

BOOK THIRTEENTH MARIUS ENTERS THE SHADOW

285

Destiny's voice brought Marius to the barricade, his two months of love was overwhelmed by despair and a desire to end it all. (you obsessed over her for a year and only have been talking to her for two months) He followed it to Rue Saint-Monroe and left Palais-Royal behind into the crowd, stocks, bayonets, guns and troops, where did the rabble end and the army begin. He passed through the throng and into deserted streets and someone paced after him and even after someone shot over his head he went on.

286

The quarter of Halles was like a city within a city, where if sound and movement ceased the invisible police maintained order. “The necessary tactics of insurrection are to drown small numbers in a vast obscurity, to multiply every combatant by the possibilities which that obscurity contains.”p.711 Nothing stirred a scared horror in the labyrinth, a wild darkness, traps, death was expected but how and when. For both sides the range was equal, the insurrection should prove a revolution, they understood this. The stars disappeared behind clouds, (symbolism) the battle was political youth, schools, secret organizations dashed together, wretched Paris would disappear under happy Paris. (looks at recent Paris news define happy)

287

Marius reached Halles and went to the red light of the Corinthe barricade and went passed the sentinel, feeling he was getting close. Inside the barricade he stopped to think of his father who served under the Republic, this was his day now to follow after his father. His grandfather sold his father’s sword and thought it best to have fled him, to have seen the future of the war of the gutters and did not wish to do for the son what it did for the father. He started to cry, what to do, he couldn’t live without Cosette but without her he must die as he told her, she left without warning so she must not love him. (I saw a post that said we should take a spray bottle to Marius every time he does something stupid by this point he’d be a drowned rat) Should he abandon his friends who needed him, should he not be true to his love, to his country, if his father saw him, he would order him forward, he rose, all his troubles answered.

What does civil war mean a foreign war, “Is not all war between men war between brothers? War is not qualified only by its object. There is no such thing as foreign or civil war; there is only just and unjust war.”p.714 Only until humanity comes to agreement war for the future may be necessary otherwise it is called crime. Multitude accept the master, witness to apathy, a crowd easily led to obedience, men can be stirred up. Which tyrant do they speak of, history calls them the same. War is greater than that which reestablishes social truth, thrones to liberty, people to people. The fortress of prejudices, privilege, lies, abuse and violence still stands and must be cast down. Marius meditated on this, watching the insurgents and the porter Le Cubuc had killed staring back from a window, a dead man observing those that would die. (it is symbolically a pretty bad omen to have a murder victim’s ghost observing those that are about to be gunned down)

BOOK FOURTEENTH THE GRANDEURS OF DESPAIR

288

At ten, Enjorlas and Combeferre were posted at the grand barricade listening to a distant marching. In the calm, Gavroche started to sing a warning as he bounced over the barricade wanting a gun as they are here. Forty-three took ready as bayonets gleaned in the torch light. A voice shouted fire and, in the discharge, the red flag fell. The insurgents waited until they would be in the street to raise the flag again but no one volunteered as it would be death at that moment. (so none of these young people will risk their life to fly a flag that supposedly means so much to them)

289 Since the barricade was built no one paid attention to Mabeuf as he retreated to the wine shop and wouldn’t respond to accosting or warnings. At the moment of attack, he seemed to awaken and heard Enjorlas ask if no one volunteers another group shouted when he went out that he is a representative of the people. (I volunteer! I volunteer!) He went up to Enjorlas and took the flag, no one assisted the old man as he ascended and drew himself up in the face of death in front of twelve hundred guns. “Long live the Revolution! Long live the Republic! Fraternity! Equality! A Death!”p.718 The voice called to fire, the second charge rained down and Mabeuf fell with the flag. Courfeyrac tells Enjorlas that was Father Mabeuf and Enjorlas tells them all he was an example of what the old give the young, what those with age teach those with fear and will use his bloody coat as their new flag. (this revolution is built on blood and death thematically it will be doomed anyway)

290

They took his body away to the tap room and thought no more of their perilous situation and Enjorlas told Javert it will be his turn next. Gavroche was still on guard and shouted a warning as bayonets came over the barricade. Bahorel killed the first municipal guard and the second killed Bahorel, another overcame Courfeyrac. Gavroche took fire but Javert’s gun wasn’t loaded and the municipal guard laughed and aimed at him but he was shot dead along with the one who assaulted Courfeyrac by Marius. (look at him he finally decided to be productive and do something)

NEXT

[fruitcoops]

Ok so what sbout remus/sirius being too sick to go to an away game so the other one has to go alone, and then tons of facetime conversations and "get well soon" videos from the team?

This is related to this fic about Remus and Finn bonding over terrible reporters--hope you enjoy! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, and the Loops/ Talker bonding is for @lee-1012!

TW for illness

“You don’t look so good.” Remus frowned as he held the inside of his wrist against Sirius’ forehead. “And you definitely have a fever.”

“Non.” Sirius sat up on his elbows with a groan, then almost immediately flopped back down.

“Yes.” He leaned back on his heels and checked the clock—they had two hours before they had to be at the airport. “Baby, I don’t think you should—”

“ ‘m going.”

“It’s not a good—”

“Gotta go. Games.” Sirius cracked one glassy eye open. “Two weeks away. I’ll take the first couple days off.”

Remus sighed through his nose and brushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes. “You shouldn’t go on the plane if you’re sick. Not just for your sake, but for the rest of us. We don’t need everyone to come down with this.”

He received a halfhearted glare in response, but Sirius finally huffed and curled on his side to nuzzle against his thigh. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, baby,” Remus said quietly, bending to kiss his temple. They hadn’t been apart for that long since before he was a player, nearly a year prior. Hell, he had never played a game without Sirius, let alone two weeks’ worth. “Lily will check on you, okay?”

Sirius mumbled an incoherent response and cuddled closer when he began combing his fingers through his hair. The second alarm beeped, loud against the quiet of their bedroom; time to go, he thought ruefully. Sirius touched his knee as he started to stand. “Love you. Be safe.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most.”

“Go back to sleep,” Remus said as his heart clenched. “I’ll let Coach know what happened, but you’ve got to rest and take care of yourself. Hydrate or die-drate, yeah?”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Sleep,” he repeated, kissing his forehead once more before hauling himself out of bed and tucking the covers around Sirius’ shoulders. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

------------------------

The clouds were a soft, pastel pink around them as the sun rose—Sirius’ favorite. If his phone was correct, Lily would be there soon to let Hattie out and make sure Sirius wasn’t pushing himself too hard. The thought brought Remus a bit of relief, but not enough to quell his concern.

Talker poked his forearm, snapping him from his reverie. “What’s going on?”

“Just worrying.”

“About Cap?”

Remus waved a hand vaguely. “And Hattie, and Lily, and whether he’s got a cold or something worse. Feels weird being here without him.”

Talker hummed his agreement and offered one of his earbuds. “Want to listen to half of Bohemian Rhapsody with me? It’ll give you five minutes and 55 seconds of relative peace.”

“It’s too quiet,” James groaned just before he pressed ‘play’.

Across the aisle, Remus saw Kasey roll his eyes. “Your husband is sick, dude, not dead. He doesn’t talk to you on planes anyway.”

“It’s the principle of the thing, Bliz.”

“Oh my god,” Kasey muttered under his breath, securing his headphones tightly over his ears.

James let his head flop to the side with a baleful look. “Loops, you’re on my side, right?”

“I’ve got you, buddy,” he assured him. Talker stifled a laugh, and the opening chords began as more clouds rolled past. Remus let himself drift with them, taking deep breaths to soothe his worries; Sirius would be fine. He had the sniffles, or at worst the flu, and he would be join them for the second week in top form. There was nothing to worry about.

---------------------------------

“He’s got pneumonia,” Lily sighed.

“He what?”

“A mild case, but the doctor said it would take a week of antibiotics and rest before he’s close to a hundred percent. No hockey for about a month, too.”

Remus stared at the wall of his empty hotel room, lost for words. “Well, fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Pretty m—absolutely not, go lay down.” There was a rustling noise and two grumbling voices. “Sorry about that.”

“Will you put me on speaker real quick?” Remus asked, pinching the bridge of his nose until he heard a faint click. “Sirius? You there?”

“Yes! I miss you, and I was just going to tell you that it’s really not that—”

“Please sit your ass down. Lily, if he tries to fuck around and find out exactly how nasty pneumonia is, you have full permission to sit on him. I miss you too, love,” he added after a short pause.

“He’s blowing you a kiss,” Lily informed him. “Oh, and he’s giving me the puppy eyes.”

“Resist if you can. Love you both. Give Hattie lots of cuddles from me.”

“We will,” she promised.

The second the call ended, Remus groaned aloud and thumped his head against the wall before padding down the hall. Just my fucking luck. The door swung open after the second knock; Arthur’s face fell. “How bad is it?”

“Mild pneumonia.”

“Fuck.”

“Yep. Doctor said he’d be out for a month.”

Arthur rubbed his eyes and nodded, motioning Remus back towards his own room. “Get some rest, then. I’ll let everyone know in the morning. Any idea how he got it?”

“Not a clue.”

“Thanks for the update, Loops. Sleep tight.”

“I will,” Remus lied as he headed back for a sleepless night between cold sheets.

----------------------------

Lily sent updates every few hours; most reported that Sirius was sleeping well and looking better with each passing day, but Remus couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty. If something happened while he was hundreds of miles away, he would never forgive himself. He had sworn in front of their closest friends and family to be there in sickness and in health—what kind of husband ditches their partner for one of a million roadies?

This one. He stabbed a piece of broccoli and shoved it in his mouth. And then he goes and makes an idiot of himself for the world to see.

The interview was supposed to be easy, but he couldn’t let it roll off anymore. Not when he couldn’t answer their questions even when he wanted to, not when he was states away from the love of his life while he was sick, not when he felt helpless and shoved aside in every current aspect of his life.

“So.” The chair next to him creaked as Talker planted his full weight in it and set his plate decisively on the table.

“What.”

“Oh, pissy Loops. Haven’t seen you in a while. Talked to Cap yet?”

“Yeah.” Another piece of broccoli fell victim to his frustration.

“How’s he sound?”

“Better.”

“Sweet.” Talker continued to munch away on his dinner. “Anyone ever told you that you have the general disposition of a wet cat when you’re upset?”

Remus tried and failed to keep down a smile. “I seem to recall you bringing it up on occasion, yes.”

His dark eyes softened and he bumped their elbows together. “He’ll be okay.”

“I know.”

“Really, Loops. Cap’s going to be just fine. Lily doesn’t sugar-coat this kind of stuff, and he’s a tough guy. Mild pneumonia doesn’t stand a chance. Besides, we’ve only got four days left and we need you to kick some ass out there.”

If Remus was a little more emotionally vulnerable, he would’ve burst into tears. Instead, he settled for leaning his temple against Talker’s with a quiet ‘thanks’ and allowed himself to be pulled into a side hug. Across the dining hall, Finn shot him a thumbs-up and a wink. “Love you, man.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Talker teased. “The internet is already coming to your aid, you know.”

“About…?”

“Not only have those asshole reporters become a new meme, you’ve also got a shit ton of people bringing up past mistreatment of athletes in the press room. You’re the face of a revolution, Loops.”

“I’ve been the face of too many revolutions for one person,” he groused, not even bothering to duck out of the way when Talker ruffled his hair.

“Well, one more won’t kill you.”

---------------------------------------

Remus’ heart raced as he stepped off the plane. The logical part of him knew that Sirius would be waiting outside the security gate, but everything else screamed to see him now, now, right now so he could be sure he was alright. At least he had sounded healthier on the phone the night before—Remus wasn’t sure what he would do otherwise.

“Deep breaths,” James reminded him as they walked toward the baggage claim. “I’m sure he’s—”

An excited shout broke through the thick crowds. Remus’ heart skipped a beat, and then he was running, racing through the people that parted for him as his vision tunneled. His carry-on hit the ground with a low thud that he hardly heard as Sirius lifted him straight off the ground and held him tight.

“I love you,” Remus said immediately, locking his ankles around Sirius’ lower back and squeezing his eyes shut. “Are you okay?”

In lieu of a response, Sirius pulled back and kissed him, cradling one side of his face in his warm, warm hand. Two weeks may as well have been an eternity. He broke away after a moment, searching his face for any signs of illness or pain. “I’m fine,” Sirius said softly, as if he could read his mind. “I promise. A little tired and sore, but there’s no lasting damage.”

“Don’t do that again,” Remus said into the side of his neck as he hugged him close. He smelled like home. “Not when I have to leave.”

Sirius’ arms were steady around his back. “I won’t.”

“I’m going to grill you on everything as soon as we get home.”

“I know.”

“But right now, I’m just going to hug you because I missed you and I worried myself into a hole, like, every night.”

He could feel Sirius’ smile against his shoulder. “I know.”

[dyketubbo]

im rewatching doomsday (comps of all povs of course) and. yeah i just.. feel bad for the lmanburgians. i dont know how i could just. say these people deserved it, when they all sound, panicked and desperate and so so fucking sad. long long ramble under the cut as i recount the events and pick out a bunch of little things

even the day before then is painful. ranboos panic room. ranboo and tubbos talk (tubbo admitting that hes wrong, saying he believes that history is repeating itself and trusting ranboo because he believes in his loyalty), fundy showing the ring toss. tubbos surprise at being told to kill dream before stating that quackity would be in control if he didnt (god, did he plan to fail?). tommy being so so excited. everyone playing ring toss and cheering on jack. tommy still believing in tubbo. tubbo panicking. ranboo and tommy and techno talking, ranboo giving them info. dream placing walls and quackity instructing tubbo on where to kill dream. dream lying about the community house. the entire community house debacle. just, everything.

and then doomsday itself. having to frantically get there because it started early, tubbo only having diamond armor to protect him, fundy standing still after he sabotaged them. tubbo and ranboos genuine despair about the apiary.

tubbo eventually going nonverbal and actively putting himself in danger, not even moving away from techno at first and getting in the way of the firework launcher. tubbo trying to save tommy from the fireworks, ponks broken "dont come over here!" after she was trying to save his cat, tommys face falling and desperate attempts at convincing techno, ranboo going "its all gone", niki spiralling and silently burning down the tree, quackitys pure anger. all the death messages.

jack going "what is there left to protect", tommy brokenly trying to accept that its gone as tubbo and quackity blankly do accept it. jack going "i lost everything again". tommy desperately trying to understand dream, on the verge of tears as he asks why dream didnt just hurt him. his low health and food as hes unable to do anything anymore, his quiet gasp as he spots ghostbur, tubbos tiny shake of his head when dream says dream and tommys story wont be over.

tubbo and quackity breaking the repeaters. ghostburs "i didnt even know we were fighting". ghostbur finding out phil let friend die, hes pained "phil? but i- i gave, i gave phil to look after. and dream found me friend, and technoblade said we were friends", tommys pained talk about technoblade. "we were never his friend. to him, all of this was just an act of politics, an act of clout and a-a social ladder, and you won't remember. tubbo you will, and to you big q, this was a friendship. but to technoblade, this was a ladder. and techno climbed to the tippity talk. do you wanna know the only way you can go? on the ladder? -- and once you reach the top of the ladder tubbo, you can only go down."

quackity asking to sing the anthem again, him strumming as ghostbur sings (and tubbo and tommy joining in). ghostbur forgetting the second verse because it blew up. quackity remembering it, them stumbling through it. tommys "tubbo? im so so sorry", tubbos quiet "its okay." the four all singing together. tubbo looking at the lava with an ender pearl in his hand, tommy correcting quackity and going "our l'manburg". ghostburs speech about friend, about people not taking him seriously just because he has memory loss.

meanwhile.. phil and techno were laughing. cracking jokes. phil mocks them as he spawns withers on the apiary, going "ohhh noo not the bees!". techno shouts at tommy and shoots at him and tubbo. he kills jack and doesnt even notice that it was one of his lives lost. jacks death itself proves that it doesnt take any particular intent, doesnt have to mean anything to the killer. techno and phil were willing to kill people. it would be foolish of them to act as if there were no risks in the terms of canon lives, especially with phil. phil doesnt take ghostbur seriously, treats his despair as an opportunity to drill in a lesson. the most either of them lost was some of the dogs and used up potions, fireworks, and wither skulls

and then theres dream. dream whose been harming the l'manburgians since the beginning, who had taken tubbo hostage, offered eret a chance to betray them all, who had been the man in tommys walls and offering money to tubbo and jack to try and get them to destroy things, who tried to get tommy to kill tubbos villagers. dream, who took tommys discs over and over, who killed tommy twice in one day, who stopped caring about his friends that loved him and were so so loyal. dream, who helped schlatt and pushed wilbur deeper into his spiral, who even then tried to manipulate tommy.

dream, who helped destroy l'manburg the first and second time, who took advantage of tubbo so he could have a premeditated kidnapping of tommy. dream, who abused tommy, physically, psychologically, emotionally. dream, who degraded tubbo and had taken ranboos memory book (which btw, since ranboos memory loss counts as a mental disability with the memory book as his aid, thats dream taking the thing that aids ranboo in dealing with his disability).

dream, who had been the reason l'manburg was created. dream, who got to destroy l'manburg three times. dream won. and techno and phil dont regret it, dont care.

maybe l'manburg was never meant to be. and sure, it started with stealing and an attempt to monopolize on potions but. that wasnt even l'manburg then, was it? it was just wilbur and tommy having fun. l'manburg came after. after the police hurt them. l'manburg started as a silly little revolution, led by a naïve man who thought he could win wars by saying no. it was a place for a family, a place for them to escape from dream. it was a place to try and escape the harm of those outside the walls. it was meant to be safe, even if those against them made it hard to be. it was made from love. it was meant to be happy. it was a symphony, however unfinished.

so. i don't know. i just feel, bad. they never really won, did they? tragedy after tragedy, death after death, destruction after destruction, betrayal after betrayal, hurt after hurt. and now what's left of them, really? out of the founders, erets doing the best and even shes doing awful, forever trying to make up for what he did. tubbos paranoia led him to developing nukes in a desperate attempt to stay safe, because he was taught to stay quiet and keep his emotions to himself, because his death was "justified", because nukes and walls and weapons are the only way he can feel safe anymore.

tommy went through months of abuse, lost all of his lives and suffered upon coming back, suicidal but unable to bring himself to do it because limbo is worse, feeling lost and like he has no family anymore other than wilbur, who he knows is hurting him but cant bring himself to leave, who loved lmanburg so so dearly and only wanted a home, still doesnt have one (tommy from everywhere, tommy from nowhere at all). niki who loved lmanburg and wilbur so much that it hollowed her out and made her bitter and shes so used to being spoken over that all she can think to do is raise her voice and get pissed, who cant see wilbur as a good person anymore because shes hurt and hasnt truly recovered and she doesnt know how to cope without being angry.

jack manifold feels forgotten, hes lost all his lives and crawled out of hell and no one truly noticed, he doesnt even believe that niki really cares, hes desperate and has made his purpose to be spiteful and angry because he cant deal with the emptiness that comes when he realizes theres no point. fundys desperate to have friends, family, a partner, anyone thatll love him, anyone thatll keep him safe, slowly killing himself with cigarettes and disowned because of giving too little too late, because he was too little too late.

and wilburs lost himself. spiraling, paranoid. a young, naïve man who wanted to fight swords with words, who wanted to impress his father, who wanted a nation of his own to feel safe, who was so effected by erets betrayal that he cant trust anyone but himself, whose possessive nature eats him from the inside out, desperate for control and unable to let go of the only person he knows loves him unconditionally

all because outside forces kept pushing, kept destroying, kept ruining them and hurting them and traumatizing them and taking away their homes and pets and loved ones. and i just. cant feel happy for the ones that hurt them, i cant feel victorius, triumphant, any of that. i just feel bad that the l'manburgians never got to be a family. i know they arent the best people but shit, i love them anyways, love them because theyre flawed and because theyre *people*, people who tried so so hard and got pushed so so much and. fuck, i cant be happy that the people who loved nature and play fought and laughed by campfires and read poetry and re-enacted theatre and loved each other and wanted to *live* (even if they were willing to die, if it meant giving everyone else a chance).. lost. they lost.

canonical years of work down the drain in one day. records of history gone, now only remembered in full by a traumatized teenager who was taught not to talk about his negative emotions, and even he misremembers some parts. they didnt even lose fairly. they had no chance. they couldnt have prepared for withers, for tnt rain, for the hounds. they were poor, weaker than their opponents, sabotaged by one of their own. thats.. tragic.

doomsday was a tragedy. i cant agree that it was deserved. i cant agree that they had it coming, that they deserved to lose homes and pets and limbs and lives and land because they werent the greatest people around.

a small country of less than 10 people (at both creation and destruction) now a giant crater in the ground, remnants of a parisitic egg taking over the land. and it wasnt even lost fairly. three people were stronger than an entire nation, even with all of its allies. two anarchists working with an abusive tyrant. so, no. doomsday wasnt deserved. people dont deserve tragedy. there were better ways, i truly cant be happy that the way chosen was violence. i cant.

l'manburg's citizens deserved better. they really did. the ends dont justify the means. and god, am i fucking tired of "justice". if justice means choosing violence over love and respect and caring about those less strong than you, i dont wanna hear about it. fuck that man, id rather love and be loved than constantly give a shit about making up for hurting others by getting hurt, thats stupid and cruel and i cant see it as okay on a moral level. not when the people that got hurt deserved to be loved and cared about and protected and *talked to* instead of constantly shot down.

of course for the narrative i can enjoy violence and characters getting hurt and i do like how "real" it all is, the despair and dissonance in tone and how terrifyingly messy it all is. out of story perspective- honestly rather cool even if it makes me feel bad. in story perspective- holy fucking shit no that wasnt deserved and god i hope everyone hurt will be able to heal and learn to love and be loved again because thats such a terrifying thing to go through. from a detached pov i can appreciate the insight into everyone involved and i like the plotlines that came from it, but from a compassionate pov i just wish the l'manburgians were allowed to be happy and treated as equals so they didnt have to go through all of this

[soddinghelp-blog]

Chapter 7 A circus

1917

“Is he going to die?” Your voice was hoarse. You gripped Rasputin’s arm. The fabric of his old semi rotten coat felt course underneath your fingers. He glared at your with his crow-like beady eyes.

Alexi had been bleeding badly again. Rasputin had been with him 3 quarters of the night only coming out of the little prince’s room to demand fresh bandages. You had been locked out of the prince’s rooms on his orders.  

“Please” You said desperately. “I can see It in your eyes. Is my boy going to die?”

Rasputin eyes softened, a rarity for him. “He won’t die today”

You felt like a giant weight had been taken off your chest.

“And.. and.. is.. “ You drew in a shaky breath. “Is Ivan going to die?”

He glanced around nervously, before you pulling into a nearby study.

“We hang on by our fingernails.” He said as soon as the door was closed “The war is the least of our problems. But what’s more concerning is what’s happening in the cities. The peasants.. they revolt in greater numbers every single day, nursemaid. Attacking the city guards, looting and rioting. A man: Vladimir Lenin is stirring up greater and greater trouble for us all. Three guards were found. Slaughtered at their posts last night. “Long live the revolution” was written out in the snow besides their bodies. “

Your eyes widened , but before you got respond. Rasputin rushed on. “I found correspondence from Lenin and some other man who calls himself Stalin in Ivan’s private study. Mark my words, nursemaid. He is planning something terrible.”

“Who-“

“Stalin, Ivan, Lenin. All of them. I’m not sure what yet.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. Unsure what to make of all this.

“If you have any sense you will get out of this wretched country before it’s too late” Rasputin said gravely

“But Alexei, the princesses, I cannot leave them.” You protested

“They will be dead soon. They will not survive this and neither will we at this point”

There was an eerie silence in the study after that grim prediction. You stared out the window gazing out across the snowy court yard below.

“Even so, I cannot leave Ivan”  You said softly.

“We are rats on a sinking ship, nursemaid. Do you wish to drown for a man who doesn’t love you?”

You shook your head, not wanting to hear more of this. And opened the door, It was Olga. She was white faced. She had heard everything. Literally .. everything. She looked at both of you before she uttered a sob and fled. You rushed after her. Your talk with Rasputin had been utterly treasonous. We all know the penalty for treason.

You gripped Olga’s trembling arms. You looked into her brown eyes.

“The people are hungry” you blurted out as soon as you could.

“But why are they hungry?” She sounded bewildered. You sucked in a breath. How could you explain the deadly turmoil that was her country right now? “Princess. We cannot grow any food. We have to important it all”. She looked confused still. So you went on slowly.

“We haven’t any money to buy grain for the masses. They are starving.” She stared at you blankly. “A man called Lenin. Promised.. the people “peace, land, bread and…a…a circus”

‘So. we can’t get those things ourselves?”

You cast your eyes down, looking at her satin sleeves. This girl was a princess trained in the arts of being dainty and delicate. She knew how to sew and dance. She knew nothing of politics, warfare or finances.

“What’s a circus got to do with anything anyway?”

Ivan had once told you that “circus” was Russian military code for mass execution. You didn’t say a word. But she knew something was wrong from your expression.

She suddenly threw her arms around you. She was shaking like a leaf. “Oh (Y/N) I’m so scared”. So were you.

“Nothing will happen to you. Or your sisters. Or Alexei. It will all be fine. Ivan loves you all like his own family.” You were lying. Trying to protect an overly sheltered princess whose only ever known golden halls from the harsh reality of her crumbling country.

She pulled back. She seemed as uncertain as ever. “Really? Well you seem to know so much about these matters… Are you sure everything will be alright?”

“Yes”

----

“Guess what? Your beloved Ivan slaughtered the entire royal family in some basement. ”

It was a month later that Alfred would cheerfully slap down the telegram that he had received from the bolshevik party.

You spun around to look at him. He looked smug and triumphant. You on the other hand had gone numb with shock, your insides like ice water.

“what?” you said stupidly.

They were all dead.

“What” you repeated

Olga and her sisters all dead.

Alfred went on as if you hadn’t spoken. “If I hadn’t rescued you”

Alexi is-“You also would have been butchered. By your own beloved”.

Without thinking you took the heavy crystal whisky holder off of the nearby table and hurled out at his head. He ducked in time. There was a loud smash as it collided with the backwall.

“GET OUT” you screamed. Alfred wisely chose to not stick around.

You knotted your hands into your hair. You struggled to process what you had just heard.

-dead

You saw a flash of blonde out of the corner of your eye. You swung around, blindly striking out.

A hand caught your wrist. “Calm down. I’m not Alfred” said a soft voice.

It was like staring at a picture of Alfred with deliberate mistakes made. Longer, wavier hair, darker and sadder eyes, paler skin. He wore the exact same suit as Alfred.

“Who… who.. are.. you “ you  wretched your hand out of the intruder’s grip.

“I’m ..” he shrugged awkwardly. “Canada”.

You closed your eyes and exhaled sharply. You really didn’t want to see another personification. In fact, you’d be happy to never see one ever again.

“Get out” You were emotionally shattered, carrying an unwanted child, being held prisoner by a unhinged man and had no idea where your only wanted child was, you had no time for manners these days. “Get the fuck out. Now”

He held up his hands and took a step back to show he wasn’t a threat.

“I can help you, (Y/N).”

“How do you know my name?”

He laughed nervously, avoiding your harsh glare. Pushing his glasses up.

“Who doesn’t know your name these days? You’re pretty famous. In fact, you were the main discussion point at the last summit.” He laughed again, sounding more nervous. “The arguments you caused.. uh got pretty heated..“

You frowned.

“It’s not you that’s caused the commotion. Its.. the-the child you’re carrying”

“Not Delilah?”

“Well. Delilah is the child of a dying empire. She’s no threat”

Threat?

“This baby is the child of a superpower.” Something in his tone changed. It went flat and flinty. “I’ve been over shadowed my entire life. Now.. now I’m being overshadowed by a-a baby whose not even born”

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a revolver.

There was a bang and everything went black  

[cdroloisms]

maybe you could talk about the dynamic between c!wilbur and c!tommy / c!tubbo? i think it's very interesting and i have conflicted feelings about them, i'd love to see your takes

c!wilbur my beloved ,, he’s such an interesting character and his relationship w/ c!tommy and c!tubbo is simultaneously so ,, twisted and heartbreaking. i think he really did care about them, to the end, but c!wilbur had always been characterized with his ,, love for lmanburg, to the point of obsession - think him in the revolution, saying “we would rather die,” him and his unfinished symphony in the button room on the sixteenth. in the end, it’s this obsession that really comes to destroy him,, but i feel like he still *cared* for tommy and tubbo, you know? tommy, canonically, saw wilbur as an older brother figure, and i feel like to some degree that feeling was reciprocated - not in the healthiest way, especially as c!wilbur became more manipulative, but that came from his untreated mental illness and growing paranoia and other things. i think that he saw himself as a sort of,, mentor figure, to both tommy and tubbo, and he hurt them, in the end, in very very deep and unjustified ways ,, but he still cared. it doesn’t make it right, or even better, but i think that w/ the way wilbur thought, he wasn’t necessarily trying to be cruel.

anyway, take this mutually assured destruction au (credit to @dreamsclock for the au) interaction of c!wilbur and c!tubbo!

tw: mentioned abuse, death, manipulation, toxic relationship, unhealthy thinking, mental illness, derealization (? wilbur thinks of everything as a twisted story), c!wilbur critical (not really? but just in case)

“Do you know what he did to Tommy?”

Wilbur turns, blinks, smiles; Tubbo is standing in front of him, spine straight, shoulders pulled back; there’s a fire in those eyes, highlighted by the starburst scar that stretches over his face. He wipes the gunpowder with a quick snap of his wrists, one-two, and cocks his head to the side. Amusement bubbles under his skin; now this is interesting.

“Tubbo! Can’t say I expected you here,” the kid is wearing netherite, but doesn’t move closer, keeping himself just out of reach of a sword. Smart, Wilbur shifts, stuffs his hands into his pockets, he’s learned.

“Wilbur,” Tubbo’s voice is firm, tired. Wilbur stays silent, prompting, something satisfied becoming a curling warmth in his chest; he’s always been perceptive, moreso than Tommy. Tommy lives, breathes a sort of unpolished sincerity, drawing attention, bleeding heart and loyalty and emotion so brilliantly and shouting so loudly that everyone has no choice but to listen - to contain him is no easier than to cage a flame. Wilbur knew this, even back in Pogtopia, let his and Dream’s passion and drive and bone-deep feeling burn each other out.

Tubbo sighs, lifts his chin; his eyes are cold. Something amused pulls at the corners of Wilbur’s lips; where Tommy is fire, Tubbo is ice, waiting, watching, letting Tommy charge into the fray while he hangs back and simply observes. He’d known, even then, that when push came to shove, Tubbo would be the one to get the job done, that he was the one that would smile serenely with an arsenal of weapons hidden up his sleeve, had looked into those ice-blue eyes and seen the same snake-in-the-grass determination that he recognized from every time he looked in the mirror.

“I know,” he says, finally, every word carefully measured, just smooth enough to edge on the side of sincerity. He doesn’t miss the way that Tubbo flinches, the tremble of his bottom lip, but turns away and pretends not to notice. “He told me, and even if he didn’t, I still have Casper the friendly ghost’s memories, as much as I don’t like them.”

“Then-” Tubbo’s voice cracks, goes quiet, and Wilbur watches from the corner of his eye as the kid purposefully untenses, hiding his shaking hands behind his shield. “Why are you helping him?”

Wilbur pauses; it’s not a question he didn’t expect, but the weight of it is- startling, even so. Something bubbles, hot and vicious, in his throat, almost tasting like anger, revenge, love. He remembers his hand placed, calming, on a too-tense shoulder, nestled in wind-blown hair, remembers star-bright eyes following him, hanging onto his every word like they had the power to coax the sun into the sky. Remembers, even in the hazy joy and grief that had been the world falling to pieces under his hand on the sixteenth, that spark of blue-tinged sorrow that had almost felt like regret burning cold and quiet in the middle of his chest.

“Have you read Shakespeare, Tubbo?”

Wilbur turns away, but it’s not early enough to miss the way Tubbo jolts at his question, a mumbled, incredulous “what?” falling from his lips.

“His tragedies, specifically,” he counts the TNT in his inventory, thumbing through the rows and rows of dynamite. “If you haven’t, they all follow the same basic formula - it’s how tragic heroes work, after all. It all boils down to one flaw - just one mistake, that sends the entire house of cards crumbling down.” Just one button pressed. Just one person that shouldn’t have been trusted. Just one life.

“I don’t- I don’t see how this is relevant, Wilbur.”

And here’s the thing; once upon a time, these boys - they had been his.

Not his, as in family, or his, as in followers, but some muddled mix of the two. They’d been his to guide, to some degree, his to keep out of trouble, his to teach about drugs and blackmail and propaganda and respect and leadership and honor. And- maybe he never should’ve been trusted with kids, maybe they shouldn’t have given a damned man this responsibility - scratch the maybe, they definitely shouldn’t have - but the universe didn’t operate on “should have”’s so he ended up with these brilliant, lost boys anyway.

And he fucked up, more than anyone, more than even Dream, because these boys had been his in a way they never were for Dream, but Wilbur has always been a selfish, selfish man. He chose his unfinished symphony first and he’d choose it again because that was the flaw in his foundation, the chip in his soul that would send him collapsing from the outside in every time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t try to guide the kid standing in front of him away from the path of self-destruction that Wilbur’s already too far down to come back from, that he and Tommy and Dream have been damned to.

“You’re a side character, Tubbo. You don’t matter,” Wilbur speaks, ignoring the hitch of breath that comes from behind him, “and this is a tragedy. Everyone that matters dies at the end of a tragedy.”

“Wilbur-”

“Cassio lives in Othello. Horatio lives in Hamlet. Dream, me, Tommy - we’re fucked. We’ve been fucked since the beginning of this story, since L’manburg. I signed our death warrant the moment I signed that declaration, Tubbo! We’re dead men walking. It’s only a question of how much we burn down before we burn out. But you?”

“You’re not like us, Tubbo. When the curtains close, when this story ends - somebody’s going to be left to pick up the pieces. You have people to live for now.”

“This- this isn’t a story, Wilbur.” Tubbo’s words tremble in the air, hang between them like a thread pulled taut - the thread frays, snaps, as Wilbur begins to walk away.

As he leaves, Wilbur remembers Dream, hair white in the moonlight, back when those eyes shone with something other than remembered pain - this isn’t a story - and hopes that Tubbo won’t learn the hard way, too.

[stardustprompts]

the dragon republic - r.f kuang   sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :   drugs , suicide mention , illness , addiction , death , murder , nsfw  , language

‘I’m telling you, you’re not in any state to be useful.’

‘get out of bed and stop being such a brat.

‘you will learn to control yourself, and you will start protecting them.’

‘you think you’re on the brink of madness, you think that this moment is going to be when you finally snap, but it’s not.’

‘eventually you learn to exist on the precipice of insanity.’

‘it should have been you. you should have died.’

‘revolution is fine in theory. but nobody wants to die.’

‘you can stop pretending to be my friend, because I know that’s all you came for.’

‘you’re dead. I saw you die.’

‘all you want is to get your revenge. but you could be so much more. do so much more. you could change history.’

‘can’t I be happy? I’ve missed you.’

‘of course you’re in on this madness. what did I expect?’

‘you’re frightened all the time. you think everyone’s out to get you, and you want them to be out to get you because then that’ll give you an excuse to hurt them.’

‘fuck your pain.’

‘you asked how large my sorrow is, and I answered, like a river in spring flowing east.’

‘if you just keep breathing, I’ll tell you a story.’

‘you spend your whole life chasing after some illusion you think is real, only to realize you’re a damned fool, and that if you reach any further, you’ll drown.’

‘you don’t have to suffer alone, you know.’

‘you’re so strong. whatever you’re seeing, whatever you’re feeling, it’s not as strong as you are.’

‘she thinks it’s funny to watch her prey squirm before she kills it.’

‘she knows what drives men, and she takes their deepest desire and makes them believe that she is the only thing that can give it to them.’

‘I don’t need your fake sympathy.’

‘I know nothing. I help no one. let’s leave it at that, shall we?’

‘you are my greatest weapon. do not disappoint.’

‘you’ve been feeling the pull, haven’t you? it’s consuming you. your mind is not your own.’

‘does it ever bother you? that you are only a pale imitation of ____?’

‘are you insane? you want to live, you fucking hide.’

‘I know you’ll fight her to the end. but I hope you realize you’re going to go mad trying.’

‘I would never lie to you.’

‘I mean, sometimes I think maybe I can stop, maybe I can just run away. but what I’ve seen—-what I’ve done—- I can’t come back from that.’

‘when you have the power that you do, your life is not your own.’

‘people will seek to use you or destroy you.’

‘you can’t do it alone. I’m all you got. you have to trust me.’

‘you don’t know how to fix me, do you? you never did.’

‘good men are dead because of you. I hope you know.’

‘I saw how you were hurting. that looked like torture. I thought you might be relieved.’

‘you’re always talking about ____ like he was some great hero. but he wasn’t.’

‘I’d die before I let anyone hurt you’

‘you can’t keep me safe, so you might as well let me fight.’

‘I like you better. aren’t you flattered?’

‘how does it feel getting a taste of your own medicine?’

‘it’s like I’m frozen in one moment. and no one knows it because everyone else moved on except me.’

‘I can’t figure out who’s right or wrong, and I’m the smart one, I’m always supposed to have the right answer, but I don’t.’

‘I just wanted it to be over. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t want to hurt them, not really, I just wanted it to end.’

‘I suppose it’s not easy going to war against friends.’

‘___ made her choice. she just happened to be dead fucking wrong.’

‘he’s still grieving. and there’s nothing you can do to make that hurt less.’

‘you know what your problem is? you have no impulse control. absolutely zero. none.’

‘you have to fight for something, you can’t just—just live your life like a fucking coward.’

‘it’s not about who you are, it’s about how they see you. and once you’re mud in this country, you’re always mud.’

‘I stuck with you because we thought we’d stay together. we’re always supposed to be together.’

‘it sounds like you’re saying that people have to die for progress.’

‘war’s different when you’re not struggling for survival.’

‘your secret is safe from ___, if that what you’re asking. but I don’t understand why you’re lying to me.’

‘I’m not stupid. I know what I saw.’

‘don’t sentence us to death just because you’ve been humiliated.’

‘she’s telling the truth. you’re just not listening because you’re terrified that someone else is right.’

‘cant give orders for shit, but you love taking them.’

‘I realized that he’d gone crazy and that something had broken and that that path was just going to lead to his death.’

‘did you think he’d fall in love with you if you just did what he asked?’

‘don’t lie to me. I know what you’ve done.’

‘we  /  I don’t need your permission to exist.’

‘you’re little children, grasping in a void that you don’t understand for toys that don’t belong to you.’

‘he dared to threaten us  /  me. he deserved what he got.’

‘would a simple thank-you suffice? or did you also want a hug?’

‘you think it makes you strong, but it’s going to destroy you.’

‘I didn’t think it was worth scaring you when I couldn’t do anything about it.’

‘you weren’t going to tell me I was going mad!’

‘she promises you peace when you know you ought to be fighting a war. that’s worse.’

‘no one has to die. you can have everything back. everyone. no one has to go.’

‘he only has as much power as you give him.’

‘you can tell me everything I hate about myself, but I already know. you can’t say anything to hurt me more.’

‘I loved an idea of you. I was infatuated with you. I wanted to be you.’

‘I loved you too. do you believe that?’

‘it’s alright to cry. I know what you saw.’

‘our dead don’t leave us. they’ll haunt you as long as you let them.’

‘that boy is a disease on your mind. forget him.’

‘he was brilliant. he was different. you’d have never met anyone like him.’

‘this is why we are polite to our allies.’

‘we’re soldiers. we’re always about to die.’

‘I want it more than anything. but I can’t ask you to do this for me.’

‘you are going to kill him. and then nothing will save you.’

‘if you love him, then you can trust yourself to protect him.’

‘you have the same eyes. angry. desperate. you’ve seen too much. you hate too much.’

‘all we have is this story unfolding, and in the script of this world, nothing’s going to bring ___ back to life.’

‘I can’t look at you and not see him.’

‘we’re fighting for something good. something worth fighting for.’

‘I have to do this. otherwise I have nothing.’

‘i’m going to tell you a story. I want you to just listen. and I want you to believe me. please.’

‘I don’t think I can die. i’ve tried.’

‘when you have this much power and this much is at stake you don’t fucking run from it.’

‘I’m scared for you. for both of us. I can’t help that.’

‘if you stay here you’ll die for nothing.’

‘you’re my sister. how could I not remember you?’

‘holy shit. you’re going to die. we’re all going to die.’

‘you never think, do you? you always just pick whatever fights you want, whenever you want, and fuck the consequences—-’

‘if you die, I die.’

‘we’ll keep surviving until we’re safe and the world can’t touch us. one enemy at a time, agreed?’

‘you don’t know anything going into a battle. you only know the stakes.’

‘I had a dream. you died.’

‘I just want to make things right between us. what’s that going to take?’

‘I really am sorry. please, I don’t want us to end like this.’

‘please—- you have more enemies than you think you do—-’

‘you taught me the meaning of fear. nothing more.’

‘I know what kind of person you are— you betray those who help you and you throw lives away like they’re nothing.’

‘we are precisely the same, you and I.’

‘we’ve acquired more power than any mortal should have the right to, which means we have to make the decisions no one else can.’

‘the world is our chessboard. it’s not our fault if the pieces get broken.’

‘would you really do things differently, if you had another chance?’

‘tell me you wouldn’t have given up everything. tell me you wouldn’t sacrifice everything and everyone you knew for the power to take back your country.’

‘you don’t understand the stakes, because you don’t know the meaning of true fear. you don’t know how much worse it could have been.’

‘I’m sorry I hurt you. but I had a plan to protect my people, and you simply got in the way.’

‘____ discards allies without blinking when they are no longer convenient, and if you don’t believe me when I say you’re next, then you’re a fool.’

‘you need me far more than you need them.’

‘you think that he’s invincible, but he is more fragile than you think.’

‘I know that he’d throw himself off a cliff for you. please stop trying to break him.’

‘a puppet to the end. when are you going to learn?’

‘I know what you told him. now I want you to tell me the truth.’

‘have you ever considered being less of a pretentious fuck?’

‘do you have any idea how much trouble you are?’

‘do you want someone to rearrange your face? because I’ll do it for free.’

‘I just don’t want the world to break you.’

‘don’t you dare puke on me.’

‘if you’re trying to drown me, then you’re being a little obvious about it.’

‘why do you always think someone’s trying to kill you?’

‘I feared you, I hated you, and that never really went away.’

‘you can’t beat that thing. you have no idea what you’re up against.’

‘this is what happens when men are fool enough to toy with heaven.’

‘chaos is clever. it can disguise itself as rational and benevolent. it can make us merciful. but in the end, it must always be hunted down and destroyed.’

‘if you’re going to kill us all then you’ll have to kill him, too.’

‘he’s not the one we’re trying to save.’

‘you’ll be alright. it’s not as bad as you think it is.’

‘I’m supposed to be a soldier! what the fuck am I supposed to do now?’