#the list of foods to avoid is literally every single thing I eat

[lastoneout]

Me: I know I have gastritis but like...my tummy hurts...and usually sprite helps my tummy feel better......hnnn.....

Senshi Dungeon Meshi: Hey now, your stomach hurts because it's inflamed, anything that's too acidic, like a carbonated soda, is bound to make it hurt worse. Why don't you have a nice cup of mint tea with some honey instead? It takes time for your body to heal, after all, you shouldn't hinder the process.

Me, in tears: You're right, thank you Senshi <3

[truearchangel]

Introductions.

×—ʙᴀꜱɪᴄꜱ—×

ɴᴀᴍᴇ: Saint Michael.

ɴɪᴄᴋɴᴀᴍᴇ(ꜱ): Mikey, Mike, God’s Obedient Dog.

ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ(ꜱ): Primarily uses — Saint Michael of the Archangel, Leader of the Archangels and Sword of God. Full list is here.

ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ / ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ɪᴅᴇɴᴛɪꜰʏ: Cis male.

ʀᴀᴄᴇ: True Archangel.

ᴀɢᴇ: Ageless, ancient, immortal.

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ: Sometime in spring.

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ: The Clouds / Heaven.

ɢᴜᴀʀᴅɪᴀɴ ꜱɪɢɴ: Gemini.

ɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ: Heaven / Angelic.

×—ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴀɴᴄᴇ—×

ʜᴇɪɢʜᴛ: 5’4 / 162.5cm.

ᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ: 115lbs / 52kg.

ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴛʏᴘᴇ: Short, thin, with decent defined muscles from swordplay / training.

ʜᴀɪʀ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ: Bright blonde.

ᴇʏᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ: Golden.

ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇxɪᴏɴ: Unusually pale / white / almost marble like skin coloring.

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴍᴀʀᴋꜱ:

ꜱᴄᴀʀꜱ: A bald sword wound on his left middle wing close to his spine from the fight with Lucifer.

ᴛᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏꜱ:

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ 🇺​​🇳​​🇮​​🇶​​🇺​​🇪 ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇꜱ: Six holy angel wings. Pure white in color with a blue shimmer to them.

ᴄʟᴇᴀɴʟɪɴᴇꜱꜱ / ɢʀᴏᴏᴍɪɴɢ: Takes good care of his general personal hygiene, tends to lack in wing care.

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴅᴀʏ ᴄʟᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ꜱᴛʏʟᴇ: Photo commissioned here.

ᴀᴄᴄᴇꜱꜱᴏʀɪᴇꜱ: Rotates different hair berets, tends to stick with a feather / leaf one the most. Usually has a clipboard or a notebook on him for writing down. He wears a bracelet on his right wrist with a simple cross, it hides his sword in it. He has a single cross necklace with angel wings on it around his neck. He has a set of keys he keeps on his belt at his waist that are for Heaven.

×—ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜ—×

ᴀʟʟᴇʀɢɪᴇꜱ:

ɪʟʟɴᴇꜱꜱᴇꜱ:

ᴅɪꜱᴀʙɪʟɪᴛɪᴇꜱ:

ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟꜱ: Being an angelic creature, he doesn’t have the same needs as humans and other creatures. He doesn’t require much sleep or food to keep going, but even for someone like that he still consumes less than he should. On top of that, he tends to run himself into the ground doing everything possible for everyone else, taking on the weight of the world as some version of atonement for the mistakes he feels he’s made. He uses every single bit of energy he has to keep going, and when he’s beaten down and at the bottom, he still keeps going. He pushes himself to the very edge of breaking to try and hold everything else together. He might not have the energy to keep going, but he’ll find it until his body finally gives in and he collapses.

ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴀʙɪᴛꜱ: Mostly picks at nuts and berries / fruits when he remembers to eat. His species doesn’t require much, but he tends to eat even less than that.

ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ��ᴀʙɪᴛꜱ: Avoids it until it can no longer be avoided / he collapses.

ꜰɪᴛɴᴇꜱꜱ: He keeps up well with training, he doesn’t have much of a choice being the Leader of the Heavenly Army.

×—ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ—×

ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴠᴇʀᴛ / ᴇxᴛʀᴏᴠᴇʀᴛ: A bit of both, he becomes more extroverted if he’s comfortable around people or for work, but in large gatherings he tends to act more introverted. He hates parties.

ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴀᴍᴇɴᴛ: Calm and patient until pushed a bit to hard. His personality type is the Architect, his personality code is INTJ-T. I have two headcanons discussing his personality.

ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ꜱᴛʏʟᴇ: Direct, blunt and literal. He does not like beating around the bush and he hates being lied to. He can be rather animated when talking if he gets really into the conversation.

ɢᴏᴀʟꜱ / ᴅᴇꜱɪʀᴇꜱ: To understand the questions in his head and study the Hazbin Hotel.

ᴠɪʀᴛᴜᴇꜱ: Michael is the Virtue if Humility and he tries to embody the others as much as he can.

ꜰʟᴀᴡꜱ: Blunt, takes things literally, to forgiving, to hard on himself, workaholic, poor self-care, horrible handling of stress.

ꜱᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜꜱ: Confident, naturally kind and forgiving, merciful, always attempts to see some good in people, positive nature, problem solving in other people, will gladly allow anyone to lean on him, supportive of others.

ᴡᴇᴀᴋɴᴇꜱꜱᴇꜱ: Lucifer, if he views something as a failure in himself, can become overwhelmed / over stressed / over stimulated (views all of these things as a weakness).

ꜰᴇᴀʀꜱ: Lucifer, the questions he has, the other Archangels falling, God’s disappointment, not being good enough, being weak.

ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴꜱ: Lucifer, birds, questions, Heaven, keeping his siblings in the clouds, protecting his siblings and Heaven, having to be perfect, attempting to be everything God wants, being the ideal Archangel, not failing.

Qᴜɪʀᴋꜱ / ᴛɪᴄꜱ: He gets far too excited when discussing birds, he’ll pull in his hair / feathers when stressed, pace when thinking / stressed, drown the world out with to loud music (in a good mood he’ll have it on quietly to help him concentrate).

ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛꜱ: Was Lucifer right? The questions he’s down in Hell for, the fears he has over himself, the trembling earth shattering idea that he might be losing his faith in God. He won’t admit the depth of it to anyone.

ʀᴇɢʀᴇᴛꜱ: Lucifer’s fall.

×—ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘꜱ ɪ—×

ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ:

ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ: God.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛᴀʟ ꜰɪɢᴜʀᴇ(ꜱ):

ꜱɪʙʟɪɴɢ(ꜱ): The Archangels of Heaven technically. Recognizes himself the following ones; Gabriel, Raphael, Azrael, Zadkiel, Cassiel, Uriel.

ɢʀᴀɴᴅᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛꜱ:

ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ: None.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ꜰᴀᴍɪʟʏ: Lucifer (twin brother) / Charlie (niece) / Lilith (sister-in-law).

×—ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘꜱ ɪɪ—×

ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴛɪᴄ / ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴏʀɪᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: I definitely list him on the asexuality spectrum, but I probably play him closer to Demiromantic/demisexual.

ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴜꜱ: Single / married to his work.

ꜱᴘᴏᴜꜱᴇ: N/A

ᴘᴀʀ��ɴᴇʀ/ ꜱɪɢɴɪꜰɪᴄᴀɴᴛ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ(ꜱ): N/A

ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ(ꜱ): N/A

ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ: Gabriel.

ᴀᴄQᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴀɴᴄᴇꜱ: Most angels in Heaven & his siblings.

ᴄᴏᴡᴏʀᴋᴇʀꜱ/ᴄᴏᴍʀᴀᴅᴇꜱ: Other member’s of the Heavenly Army.

ʀɪᴠᴀʟꜱ: The Sin of Pride.

ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ: Unwillingly Lucifer.

×—ʟɪꜰᴇꜱᴛʏʟᴇ—×

ᴏᴄᴄᴜᴘᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: Leader of the Archangels / Leader of the Heavenly Army / many other tasks he’s taken on himself.

ꜱᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱ: Top, right beneath God.

ᴇᴅᴜᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: Taught by God himself.

ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ʀᴇꜱɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ: The Clouds / Heaven in the Golden Palace.

ʜᴏʙʙɪᴇꜱ: Bird watching, playing / composing music / reading / knitting & crocheting.

ᴠɪᴄᴇꜱ: I can’t think of one.

ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅ: None.

ꜱᴘᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ ʜᴀʙɪᴛꜱ: He doesn’t tend to spend much money on himself, and he certainly has plenty.

ꜱᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴏʀ ʟᴏɴᴇʀ: Self-isolated and worked himself to death after Lucifer’s fall, I’m going with loner.

ꜰᴀɪᴛʜ / ʀᴇʟɪɢɪᴏɴ: What I pull from the most for my hcs I will list as his religion; Christianity / Catholic.

×—ʟɪᴋᴇꜱ & ᴅɪꜱʟɪᴋᴇꜱ—×

ꜰᴏᴏᴅꜱ: He likes savory things.

ᴄᴏʟᴏʀꜱ: Blue / gold / white.

ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇꜱ: Somewhere with lots of birds / his office / a library.

ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅꜱ: Soft music, classical and instrumental, the sound of the piano / violin / cello, paper turning, birds chirping, happy people.

ꜱᴍᴇʟʟꜱ: Mint, vanilla, leather, books, sandalwood.

ᴛᴇxᴛᴜʀᴇꜱ: Silks, yarn, paper, feathers.

ᴡᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀ: Sunny / cloudy | warm / fall.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ: He really loves just touching other people, even in casual and soft ways. He’s a very tactile person and he loves to feel the comfort of someone else near him.

×—ᴄᴏᴍʙᴀᴛ—×

ᴊᴏʙ / ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱ: Leader of the Heavenly Army / Swordsmaster.

ᴀʀᴍᴏʀ ᴛʏᴘᴇ: Angelic fabric.

ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴ(ꜱ): Sword | the Sword of Truth

ꜰɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ ꜱᴛʏʟᴇ: Various types of swordplay, he prefers fencing even just for training.

ᴍᴇʟᴇᴇ ᴄᴏᴍʙᴀᴛ ꜱᴋɪʟʟꜱ: Master rank.

ʀᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ᴄᴏᴍʙᴀᴛ ꜱᴋɪʟʟꜱ: Less talented in it. He can use a bow, it will not be the first thing he goes for ever if it’s not needed.

ᴏꜰꜰᴇɴꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ ꜱᴋɪʟʟꜱ: Decent enough, he’ll work some into his fighting if his sword isn’t doing a good enough job.

ᴅᴇꜰᴇɴꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ ꜱᴋɪʟʟꜱ: Better than his offensive magic, he can conjure shields and protect others with it.

ꜱɪɢɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ: Does turning your sword into a spear and running it through your brother’s back count?

×—ᴍɪꜱᴄᴇʟʟᴀɴᴇᴏᴜꜱ—×

ᴘᴇᴛꜱ / ᴀɴɪᴍᴀʟ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴɪᴏɴꜱ: Michael doesn’t keep pets but he feeds the wild birds outside his window.

ᴘʀɪᴢᴇᴅ / ᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴꜱ: The Duck. And Lucifer’s original violin.

ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇꜱ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ: Omnilingual however it is limited to who he’s talking to at the moment.

ꜱᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟ ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛꜱ: To understand others and take on far more than he should. He balances it all, he keeps Heaven afloat, but at the price of himself in the process.

ᴘʀᴇꜰᴇʀʀᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴛʜᴏᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴛʀᴀᴠᴇʟ: Teleportation / portals.

ɴᴏᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴀᴄᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪꜱʜᴍᴇɴᴛꜱ: Defeating the Devil and Satan.

ᴀɴ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱʜᴀᴘᴇᴅ ᴡʜᴏ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ: Lucifer’s fall and the war in Heaven.

[dcawritings]

A little ficlet for my DCA OC Bastion, who will not stop bullying me until I got this written out SOMEWHERE. And yes, this is partially inspired by/written in the setting of that Apartment Complex multi-OC dating game I posted about before ;3c

tldr: Bastion is a half-disembodied AI who uses it/they pronouns and, despite claiming that it doesn’t care at all about human values or companionship, seems to care an awful lot about YOU

“You have not eaten anything in exactly 6.3 hours.”

“I know, Bastion.”

“Your caloric intake has been below the recommended amount for the last three days,” the voice continues, echoing through the empty air of your room as if you hadn’t said anything at all. “You will eat something of your choosing within the next half-hour, or I will have to take measures in doing it for you.”

“I’m not hungry right now,” you mutter, trying to be quiet enough so that the quip wouldn’t be heard and you can continue your personal project in peace so—

“Why must you be combative about your own health?”

The words almost rumble through the air, echoing from the speakers dotting the corners of almost every single room and hallway of the building. You have to wonder what kind of mics are hooked up with them — or the nearly-microscopic security cameras — because even you barely heard yourself speak.

But before your mind can continue with the annoyed line of thoughts there is a sudden and abrupt grip on your shoulders that pull you back from the laptop and desk, chair wheels squeaking out from the sheer speed and force as Bastion’s tendril-like extensions snake out from the interface port somewhere near the room’s door leading into the hallway.

“Jesus fuck, Bastion I’m not—“

“You are eating,” the voice says, cold and firm, unwavering in a way that can only come from someone like it. It. Not him, it— though you know Bastion couldn’t find an atom of themself that truly cared how others regarded it anyway, but was always steadfast in referring to itself as ‘it’, and you had a feeling there was more nuance to the situation than that.

When you first met the AI construct, it had actually outlined all of the sole priorities that it had been ‘programmed to cared about’, and not one of them was ‘how humans regard my being’. Instead, you think that your health was near the top, followed by a laundry list of legal rules, regulations, and other things that came with Bastion taking on the role of being the apartment building’s literal internal network, firewall and pseudo-VPN.

Still, you’re not sure why YOU are a priority to the AI, and Bastion has not deigned the time to explain it to you either. It seems to rather avoid the topic with all the same stubbornness as you seem to avoid self-care.

“I will allow you the choice of food only once more, please designate something you have a preference for and I will obtain it.”

“God damn,” you murmur. “Just— cereal? I think I can stomach that right now.”

Around your waist and the chair both, the silver-smooth tendril squeezes for just a moment. Not a necessary motion, not in the slightest, but you can’t help but feel a sense of comfort in that little notion alone — a very human motion of affection that Bastion would otherwise deny if you’d brought it up to them.

“I will have a bowl of your favorite kind ready within the next five minutes. Are you able to walk to the kitchen?”

You think about it for a moment before nodding. It doesn’t need to hear your answer; Bastion is always watching.

“Good. I am satisfied with your answer.” Bastion’s tone is cold and calculated as always, nearly monotone from one word to the next, but you can hear something else lingering in the background.

The tendril lingers for a few moments more before finally— gently — letting you go.

“Please be in the kitchen in the next ten minutes,” the voice continues, and then, a brief flicker of humor as it adds, “…Or else the cereal will get soggy.”

[real-talk-blues]

Hey y'all, on the off chance that someone reads this and this could save a life, if you have medical issues, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA!

I'm not being ableist, I AM disabled and I'm trying to keep other disabled people safe. This warning is coming from a long-time resident of Jax and the surrounding areas, as in *I was born here, and I have never lived elsewhere*. With that knowledge, I can confidently say that either 1) there is not a single worthwhile or even remotely competent doctor in the whole city or 2) such doctors are so few and so unheard that medical malpractice is the NORM here.

In order to properly emphasize my point, I'll be posting a *significantly* non-exhaustive list of the medical mistreatment (both legal and illegal) perpetrated against me over the years. It's not chronological by any means, but I hope it helps. Given that I recently aged out of any litigatory abilities for malpractice per Florida law, this is the best I can do.

Here's the list:

- Prior to my birth, my mother went to her doctor about pregnancy concerns. She was told everything was normal and to go home. It turned out to be protein urea, which she only discovered by being admitted to a different hospital, the ONLY competent hospital in the city, the day after. This mishandling of her case led to my birth, two whole weeks ahead of my due date. I consider this malpractice harming me because my delivery was an emergency surgery which could have been avoided by a competent doctor.

- Tangential to that but not related to me, my mom turned out to be carrying a tumor that had been missed in every scan for the duration of her pregnancy with me. It weighed ~5lbs

- As a child, my pediatrician regularly told me that my symptoms were 'normal' or 'expected', even when I was having migraines, unable to keep food down, had severe stomach cramps, and others. Turns out I had (and still have) the gastric system of a colicky horse, and the brain of a rainbow shrimp on LSD.

- My pediatrician refused to do any further Lyme disease testing after a test that is known to be 80% inaccurate came back negative.

- No one discovered that I had babesiosis or bartonella at all until we went to an out of state doctor

- An ER resident once told me that 'Lyme disease doesn't exist in Florida' despite the fact that it IS present and its presence is currently being tracked publicly by the CDC. (Also, what fucking epidemiology class did this doctor take? Was she asleep when they pointed out that ticks aren't beholden to state borders???)

- After a major meltdown (prior to my autism diagnosis, because we had no idea what to do) I was admitted to the ER on a voluntary psych hold. While waiting for a bed, I was nearly sent into anaphylaxis when the nurse refused to put my allergies in my chart, and I was given two of my major contact allergens with a meal.

- A separate nurse in the emergency room dropped my daily medication (the kind of medication keeping me alive, which I would die without in a few days) on the floor, then tried to give it to me anyway. When I refused, she didn't give me a new pill, but rather pretended I didn't exist.

- After being admitted, the staff refused to feed me the ONE food I could eat, to the point that I had to beg a sympathetic nurse to go get it from the cafeteria. It was chicken tenders, I am in no way allergic to them. Later research has yielded absolutely no reason I might have been denied this food, because I wasn't on an EDP, I wasn't allergic or averse to them, and they were quite literally the ONLY thing on the hospital menu that was safe for me.

- At shift change, the nurses would do health checks. I had previously mentioned a birth control implant in my arm, and had shown the nurse which arm it was in. Despite that, they put the blood pressure cuff directly over it. It was 4AM, and this woke me up screaming because the cuff was pushing it into my muscles. I was bruised for a week after, and it to this day ranks in my top 5 worst pains ever.

- Coincidentally, my number 1 worst pain ever was when a doctor gave me an injection NSAID to help with a migraine bad enough for an ER visit, and it felt like I had been doused in gasoline and blowtorched. I was sobbing my eyes out for twenty minutes in the hospital bed before a nurse even considered giving me benadryl. The benadryl did help, but I shouldn't have had to retraumatize myself to hospital settings to get it! All the doctor said on the topic was, "that's not a recorded side effect, and it's not an allergic reaction."

- Regarding the psych ward, they repeatedly refused to allow me to shower or use the restroom without supervision outside the door, until I brought it up in group therapy blatantly enough that the charge nurse and pharmacist overheard and corrected it. I wasn't on a plan that made that necessary, and none of my medical history indicated a need, otherwise.

- Despite a formal diagnosis requiring me to drink water due to dangerous blood circulation issues, they refused to let me have access to any liquids outside of mealtimes. I was told to stop 'lying' when I explained my condition.

If I were to keep going, this post would test the limits of Tumblr's ability to post. I'll stop there, and hopefully this list (which has experiences drawn from at least four clinics and/or hospitals in the area) is appalling enough to convince folks who are at risk to stay as far from this unmitigated cesspit as possible.

To conclude:

For your own safety, disabled people, LEAVE JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA ALONE

[bowl-of-shortness]

Uhhhhh here’s a vent about something my mom said a few days ago that’s still be bothering me. Like this bothered me to the point of crying.

Also, before I go any further, my mom was trying to help and I know that, but she did it in a really terrible way. Do not attack her or her character in the reblogs I will actually get genuinely mad at you.

Good people can fuck up too y’know.

But this is gonna be about a few things.

Me when my mom suggests I go to a weight loss clinic because I have gained a lot of weight recently.

I’m not even considered fat or anything like that. I’m not skinny either, but the fact that god forbid I have a little bit of chub around me stomach and shit is beyond frustrating.

I’m in the middle area of being fat and skinny. And yet the second I’m not skinny and it’s like the end of the fucking world.

It isn’t even my mom giving me the most shit about it. It’s actually my dad. My dad literally asked me, two weeks after we stopped eating out as much, if I had lost any weight.

I exercise, I try my best to eat healthy options with my ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

But I try also to bring up solutions to the diet issue. Because nobody in my family eats “right”. But even when I do that, every single thing I tell my dad, he shoots down instantly.

For instance: I said I needed him to get me some yogurt from the store (which by the way, it’s already pulling teeth to get him off his ass to put together a grocery list when we have NOTHING in the house.) and I mentioned it was a healthier option, and instantly he shoots it down saying “it’s not really healthy.”

I know what he wants me to do

He wants me to eat the fruits and vegetables raw and by themselves. Which guess what! I can’t fucking do because of ARFID, sensory issues, and my digestive sensitivities from CFS! I will literally throw them back up!

Vegetables are about the other thing I can eat raw that won’t make me vomit and even then it’s hit or miss on if it’ll trigger my texture issues.

But that’s another thing, I have all of this issues, my parents have it in all their ability to get me help for these issues, to get me diagnosed. And I still have to self diagnose.

Example, last week, I wore compression stockings to work because I stand a lot, and guess what, they worked! Great! Awesome! Right? My parents should’ve been ecstatic about it!

But no.

While I’m in the car, on my way home, my dad is throwing an absolute fit over how could these things worked and that I should’ve never bought, and that I’ll have to see another doctor again, and yada yada yada.

I get home finally, and my mom makes the “maybe I should get you in with (her doctor) in order to get you a recommendation over to the weight loss clinic.” Comment, because apparently, barely any extra weight = excruciating pain from standing for too long.

By the way, I’m 175.5 pounds.

[fizzingwizard]

food and diet talk

not that I'm dieting lol.

It has been really, really frustrating trying to make even the small changes that I wanted. The minute I find a healthy recipe I like, I'll discover it's only healthy in some ways, but unhealthy in others. Even if I ate nothing but bowls and bowls of kale without any seasoning, I might get lower cholesterol but I'd be lacking a whole lot of vitamins and just energy in general.

One source says eggs are a yes! They have cholesterol but they're so good for you that you should still eat them (obviously not every single meal or every day but they're healthy enough not to be cut out).

Another source says: eggs are a big no! You can have them if you really, really must... but only now and then... and only the whites... and we don't recommend it tbh.

If I eat "healthy," I'm eating food I don't like, that tastes bad because it has no seasoning, and the only benefit is the idea that I'm going to be overall healthier myself (which for me rn is pretty much about cholesterol and that's it). But my genetics mean it could have no effect - and even without the genetic component, it could still be no good, because I'd fuck up my health other ways by eating "healthy" but not "balanced."

Moderation is supposed to be the key. Eat almost everything as long as it's a balanced diet. But what even is moderation. I went to a restaurant the other day that bills itself as a healthy restaurant. It has the nutritional facts listed right there on the menu, tells you the pros and cons of each dish, etc. But they have a fish deal with 10 grams of salt. That's like double the amount of salt you're supposed to eat in a day?? And my meal was a chicken salad. The chicken had the skin on, which, fine, it's a restaurant (but it actually didn't need it, the meat was very tender and well-seasoned without the skin). It came with multi-grain rice with hjiki and miso soup. Those were fine I think. The real insult was the chicken salad itself. It was supposed to be loaded with vegetables: it had three thin strips of bell pepper, one wedge of tomato, two pieces of broccoli, and two thin, tiny AF slices of squash. The rest was literally just lettuce and cabbage. Not what I was expecting at all. A while ago I went to an Italian restaurant and got their salad, which was just as big even though I got a half portion, and had more vegetables. It was, however, absolutely doused in oily dressing. I hate restaurants that put the dressing on for you (the nice thing about the "healthy" place was at least they put all the sauces on the side so I just didn't use them). It was actually too much too: tasted nice for a few bites, but soon was just super overpowering. It was also the same dressing they put on the bruschetta so if I ever go back I definitely won't order both lol.

Anyway, well, I was prepared for a "healthy" restaurant to not really be that healthy - I'm sure it's going more for "healthy compared to other restaurants," not as healthy as home cooking. But still... I can't get over that meager amount of vegetables in a salad. And I never wanted to be That Girl who orders a salad as an entree. I'm not trying to lose weight, I don't care how big or small people are, I'm just trying to lower my cholesterol numbers by avoiding meat, especially red meat, avoiding sugary and fried food, and trying to eat healthier carbs. I've probably had the most success limiting fried food, or at least more success than I expected. Still not as much as I should be but it's a start. Sugar is harder especially now that it's cold and I want hot cocoa... But I have made some progress there. It's nothing big, but at least I've tried to only eat chocolate-covered almonds instead of just chocolate when I get a craving, and I've been going for sweet potato or fruit sweets whenever I can persuade myself away from chocolate cravings.

I usually eat two meals a day, a brunch sort of and dinner. The first is a light meal and it's usually oatmeal and fruit, or rice with beans. I struggle to get in more veggies or really anything more for that meal because I eat with my students (it's their lunch time) and they need so much help eating their meals that it's hard for us teachers to eat our own. My coworkers can mostly do it, though. But unfortunately, I've always been a slow eater, and as much as I love toddlers, helping them spit out food they refuse to swallow into a napkin and then turning back to my own lunch really grosses me out and always has. So I try to only eat quick, light things. The problem with waiting for my break to eat lunch is 1) it's often not till 3 pm, and 2) if I use my break to eat then I lose prep time. Because even though I'm not paid for one hour a day... I sometimes only get 15 paid time away from the kids. And the max I'm supposed to get... is 30 min x'D which is nowhere near enough. So if I don't use my break nothing happens. And this is true for everyone - people do take actual breaks, but only when they don't have anything else that needs doing, and even then I almost always discover something I forgot and have to rush to deal with (yesterday it was sending the kids' outside play hats home for the weekend to be washed. Usually a c-oteacher does that, but both my co-teachers were out on Friday so I was the only one there to do classroom upkeep.)

So I try to eat good meals for dinner. And then I just get stuck. Because I make something, it tastes good, it has protein and fiber and vitamins, but it's also got a salty dressing, or involves frying, or tastes like ass unless it's well seasoned... And I just don't KNOW how to make food without ANY carbs. You're supposed to get some, but I tend to assume I got enough at lunch. I don't want zucchini noodles or cauliflower rice but. Also it's so much more work.

I just feel frustrated (in a way I've heard lots of people frustrated in the past) that every change I make backfires in a different way. It's just such a bummer to find something I like and then realize it's not as good for me as I thought. Idk what to do. Although, for the first step, I think I've got to lose this job and go somewhere I can have a proper lunch. (But even that comes with a loss because this job DOES give me tons of chances for walking and squatting and exercise - not enough to count as "intense" but it's certainly much better than being sedentary.) And then I guess I should talk to a nutritionist since I don't understand all the nutritional trade-offs well enough myself.

Lol, when I first started this not-diet, my coworker said, "Isn't your background Italian? The Mediterranean diet is so healthy!" Well, Idk it might be, but my 100% Italian grandpa still died of heart disease. And my mom, who is his daughter, and whose eating habits are 100x better than my dad's, still has very high cholesterol and docs want to put her on statins, even though she's been specifically dieting for decades to not have that happen.

[agentjazzy]

it's always so interesting to me to see people posting about getting the "winter blues" bc like....

I Literally have the opposite problem ie: when summer hits my mental health is as low as it can go

I think it's important to note that I am extremely susceptible to heat exhaustion

like. from the year I started preschool until the year I graduated (aka when I was forced to go out every single day), if I got too hot, I Threw Up

the temperature that I get "too hot" very quickly is around 95°F (35°C), where if I'm outside for 5 minutes I get sick

I live in the desert where it routinely stays at over 100°F (37.7°C) for weeks

(this summer it was 114°F (45.5°C) for a full week 😭)

so! to avoid getting sick during summer, I pretty much have to stay inside my air conditioned home for as long as possible!

which... is what people get sick of during winter

but! for me, during winter, I can leave the house!!! I can leave during the day! I can spend longer than 5 minutes outside and I won't feel nauseous! I can go to theme parks and normal parks and fairs!!!

and like... It's so interesting for me to see everyone describe the things they hate about winter bc a lot of the things they list apply to ME for SUMMER

(can't leave the house, they can't combat the ever present Temperature, they miss Opposite Season)

the main difference, however, is the amount of people who love the sun, of which I Can Not Relate

The Sun Is My Enemy and good riddance!!!!!!

shout out to winter, I love winter, I love being able to Actually Use the oven for cooking and baking, I love wearing soft, cozy clothes, I love being able to eat warm food, I love blankets, I Love wearing jeans, I LOVE being able to leave my house, I!!! LOVE!!!! WINTER!!!!!!!!

[dreamcatcherrs]

streamers finding out youre pregnant?

the mcyts reaction to finding out their s/o is pregnant

+ this is a reaction to if you had been wanting to get pregnant, and that you and the specific mcyt had been wanting this for a while. so only fluff, no angst :) I can do an angst version, though?

dream:

after you told him the amazing news his whole face just lit up

he’d lift you up in the air

and spin you around

would set you down and then give you a big fat kiss on the lips

“I’m gonna be a dad?”

you don't think you'd ever seen him that happy before

he’d tell everyone almost immediately

and would want to go out and buy a bunch of baby stuff

just to be ready

would shower with you in the bath tub

with, like, a specific bath bomb you'd mentioned before

and washes your hair for you

always has an eye on you

and doesn't want you lifting heavy stuff

ever

won't let you do anything that contains more work than lifting a finger

very protective over you

georgenotfound:

would be really surprised at first

just imagine the grin on his face

I mean, he would be smiling till his cheeks started aching

pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head

“this is crazy. I just…I can't wait.”

would make sure you go for walks together

because he says then your baby will learn the area quicker

and you explain that the baby can't actually see out of your stomach

but he just brushes it off

will rage eat with you

just buys a bunch of fast foods and eats if with you

whilst simultaneously making sure you're eating all of the right things

he literally has a list of foods you should eat

speaking of lists, he also has a list of names

boy and girl names

he’s just so excited to be a dad

sapnap:

“are you serious?”

would punch the air in happiness

and then hug you tightly

but not too tightly cause he'd be afraid to hurt the baby

even though there wasn't really a baby yet

would take so much care of you

you need a snickers bar?

he’ll buy every single candy in the world

your back is hurting?

he’ll be your personal massager

or he’ll get you one

he’ll take days off just to be with you and the growing baby

LOVES touching your belly bump once you get one

and will definitely be talking to it

and calling the baby “he” because he is so convinced that it's going to be a boy

he’s cute or whatevuh😩

badboyhalo:

“you’re pregnant?!”

immediately gets on his knees and rests his forehead against your stomach

“that’s my little baby in there... I can’t believe it, pumpkin.”

gives you kisses all over your face

he will always remind you of how beautiful you are

and how you have a natural glow to you now that you’re pregnant

and he tells you how much he loves you all the time

and that he’s so excited to have a baby with you

makes sure you’re fed all the time

because now there has to be enough for 2 people

also makes sure not to eat the things you can’t eat during the pregnancy

would do everything for you and always looks out for you

technoblade:

when you told him the happiest smile broke onto his face

techno is a softie when it comes to you

so having a baby?

he is gonna be the sweetest dad is all I can say

hugs you and kisses you

he’s just in awe that he’s gonna be a dad soon

treats you like royalty

even if you're just calling for him because you're hungry

he will stop his stream and be with you for the rest of the day

or for multiple days if that's what you need

he’s still his usual techno self

(and by that I mean he still takes care of you quietly)

but you do feel his stares on you sometimes when you're doing literally nothing

like, even just when you're standing up from the couch once you have a bigger bump

he’ll be ready to be by your side if you need help

afraid you'd fall

very soft (but that’s just a fact we all know)

wilbur soot:

“really? baby, that's great!”

like dream, he’d spin you around

and then gently place a hand on your stomach

and just smile at you

he’d always be smiling

and makes sure you're never uncomfy

would buy you a special soft pillow

so you’d sleep better

he’d almost always have a hand on your bump

or look at it from a distance

wilbur as a dad is just🥺

would probably want a little girl

so he could braid her hair

(even if it looks horrible)

but nonetheless he’s just so happy to be a dad

skeppy:

I could just imagine him screaming “are you serious?”

he would then grab your face in his hands and then just stare at you

until his eyes gazed down at your stomach

he would be panicking

because he didn't know what to do

at the grocery store he would've made a list of things to get you

and would be running around trying to find them

has his eyes on you at all costs

“don't lift that!”

“are you trying to slip and fall?!”

even if you were literally just walking to the fridge

is a little scared about the whole birth thing

but doesn't want to scare you as well

so he just pushes it to the back of his head

because how bad can it really be?

for him, at least

would want to do a gender reveal as a youtube video

but only if you wanted to

very dramatic

but very loving

karl jacobs:

he would have his hand over his mouth when you told him

then starts laughing

“we’re gonna be parents?”

he’s honestly just so speechless

cradles your head in his neck and just smiles

almost cries

almost

he’s gonna be such a great dad

I mean have you see him with tucker?

he’s just so cute (yes, I’m a karl simp)

will rub your feet

or your lower back

or wherever you need to get those muscles loosened up

can get kinda scared sometimes

about the whole dad thing

but feels a lot better after talking to you about it

just like he makes you feel better, you make him feel better as well

buys cute little socks literally 8 months before the due date

bc he thinks they’re cute

fundy:

his surprised expression would slowly turn into a smile

would mumble out something in dutch

before hugging you so tightly

like, you actually had to say you couldn’t breathe for him to let you go

“I’m sorry baby, I’m just so happy!”

buys a bunch of baby stuff… the day after you told him

he just can't wait

always holds your hand during doctor’s appointments

and makes sure you're seated or laying down comfortably

especially once your bump gets big

talks to the baby through your stomach

so they can recognise his voice once you've given birth

always makes sure you feel beautiful

by complimenting you every day

multiple times

because if anything you look more beautiful than ever

will brush your hair

and brush his fingers through your hair

makes sure you feel loved all the time

quackity:

panic

as in pre-parental panic

but quickly recovers and tells you how fucking great it is that you're gonna have a baby together

and that he just can't believe he’s gonna have an actual baby with you

you bet he’ll be looking up tips for being a dad

he wants to do everything perfectly

and tries his very best to be there for you

does all of the chores

and still makes time for you

you'd get worried about him overworking himself

but when you tried to help him

he’d just make you sit down again

“you're not doing any work. too dangerous for little q.”

you'd accomplished making him stop doing all the work by luring him over with cuddles

he’d get you any food you wanted

fast food, healthy food

whatever you wanted, as long as you're always full, he’s happy

punz:

“really? you're serious?”

mans’ smile is brighter than the sun

pulls your shirt up to kiss your stomach all over

and then rests his hands on your hips and kisses you gently

“you're gonna be the best mom, you know that?”

like dream, he gets very protective of you

won't even let you get something that you can't reach by an inch

never drinks any liquor or coffee while you’re pregnant

because he knows you can't

highkey really loves your big bump

and tells you all the time

as well as how sexy you are

and will stay up late until you fall asleep

especially on those nights where it seems unbearable for you to fall asleep

the two of you would paint the room for the baby together after the gender was revealed

and then buy furniture that matches the room

he’d suggest exercises you could do for pain relief he’d seen on the internet

and even do them with you if that’s what you wanted

anything to make you happy

awesamdude:

HE’S SO HAPPY OMG

would cry if he wasn't so fucking excited

squeezes your hand

while putting a hand on your stomach

he can't wait to see the growth

he wants you to feel absolutely no stress

because he can't imagine the amount of emotions you must already feel with your baby growing inside of you

so he does everything for you to avoid that

and if you do feel stressed he suggests cuddles

then yoga for pregnant women

and then more cuddles

cooks delicious food for you

and buys cute little outfits for the baby

and tiny little shoes🥺

eret:

picks you up right then and kisses you

all over the place

“holy fuck, y/n. this is just… I’m so fucking happy right now.”

does literally EVERYTHING for you

laundry? he’s got it

dinner? he’s got it

waking up early because you can't sleep and then massages your shoulders because he's an absolute sweetheart? yep, he’s got it

fucking loves everything about you being pregnant

but he’s sure you don't like it just as much

I mean, you're the one who’s carrying a literal baby

so he believes it gets pretty goddamn hard for you sometimes

and therefore takes many breaks from streaming

just to hang out with you

you’d go to baby furniture stores together

until you found the perfect things

feeds you loads of chocolate

or ice cream

whatever you want, really

he discovers that he fucking loves pregnancy

hope you enjoyed this! never written something like this before, but it got me all soft…

________________________________

tag list✰

@zayenz @terribletoothbat @0t0n1n @0125cm @yukiuheh @shinee-is-5-forever @regularnoceur @b01nk-b0w@christhebish@nutritious-emo-crackkk@bookishreid@giavanna-707 @reddiesmcdonalds@cosmins@vixxzial@autumnpleaves@paradigmax@meaganjm@shiningsunrises@moralofwalls@username1212131@gxldentaestuff@innitdream @televisionpresent38 @bubblyanis@zurami @highoffhockey @popinjaytaylor@196os@livsbaby@doubts-of-gold@bunlina@retrav @mcyt-is-my-life@aleaisntcreative @my-shitpost-of-writing @my-shitpost-of-writing @clownsdrowning @pissbabywastaken@shiningsunrises @tie-dyed-dumbass @death-by-rats@simpfordraco @bippity-boppity-boopa@neongreendaydreams  @vibin-by-myself@littlepotatos0w0@christhebish @pipp-poppz@btsiguess-kpop@prettysmallfries@hiyoko-kos@kenmxskitten@fudrudy@weepingartanimespy@rhino-zucchini@goldenstarofthunderclan@melonmarz@ubeicecreamisthebest@polaroidinurroom @ady-yoo@isimpforeveryone@edenhollandd@ineedtogetoutofhere@glitter-night @hamilsandersfam@mothheart-witch @wrong-exit@trashcanfullofdork  @hellfirepheonixx @marshmallow-babe@isimpforeveryone @ky50621 @randomcloud@wormie4k@dinonuggies50 @p4rty-t4ttoos@aspenthegremlin@book-of-anarchy @jeyacore @thetattooink@gogywasfound@millavalntyne@junob1ade@venusomega @ubeicecreamisthebest@karida @i-have-paws-love@drvgonraja @eatasslikegrass@creamofweep @venusomega@lunarfedora @rowe-n @wreny24 @vincent-stargogh @floatingplanets

[meetmymouth]

ooh I think #7 and #17 from the blurb list would fit very well together! if you want!

THANK YOU LINDS <3<3

prompt list here, send a number!!

#7 If we both want to fit, we’ll have to cuddle

#17 Sleeping in the same bed for the first time

THIS IS 3K IM SORRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF SO PLEASE REBLOG LMAOOOOOO!!!!!

"This is my room," comes a gruff voice behind you as you keep looking out the window, taking in the greenery and the beautiful ocean.

See, you knew he would be here.

You knew, because Harry and Mitch were attached at the hip, and you didn't mind. You didn't mind seeing your ex every time you were invited to hang out with MitchandSarah & co, except when said ex decided to be an evil arsehole.

Perhaps, calling him an "ex" was weird, seeing how your time alone only consisted of you both getting high, mostly naked as he whispered the filthiest things in your ear and promised to make you feel good, be the best you've ever had. Other than that, though, he was an insufferable bastard. Since you never hung out with the man without your friends around–getting rat-arsed and high... and the activities that followed aside–, you didn't know if he was always this annoying.

He seemed to be getting along just fine with the others, especially Sarah and the other girls, so you had no problems scratching off the "women hater" off your list. And you can't ever recall him being this insufferable while you both were fucking which was, in his case, miserable. So, it was definitely annoying. You weren't that interested in him to think that he was being mean because he was secretly in love with you. That was a myth, a pathetic myth, wasn't it? No, you wouldn't steep that low. He was just an arse, full stop.

You turn around with an eye-roll, and within seeing his face, you nearly clench your fists like a ten-year-old. "Do you live here?" You ask, hoping the boring expression on your face is also detectable in your tone.

It's certainly not a surprise when Harry scoffs.

"I don't, but I picked this room first. Since, you know," he looks around, and walks further into the room, finally stopping at the feet of the bed. "You were late. As per."

"Oh fuck off. This isn't summer camp. Besides, I don't see any of your shit around. The room was empty when I arrived."

"If you bothered to look inside the wardrobe..."

Seriously, you find yourself thinking, how the fuck did you ever end up with this man. Naked.

There's a commotion downstairs, so you both turn to the door, but much to your dismay, there's no one coming to check up on you and hopefully, save you from Harry Styles' pathetic gob.

You turn towards the window again, eyes squinting briefly at the last bits of sunshine that's glinting from between the branches.

"Well. You shouldn't have left then. You weren't here when I arrived."

Harry shakes his head, and you swear you can see his nostrils flaring if you look carefully. Though, you just watch him with a smug smile on your face as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls open the white doors. True to his word, his clothes are there, perfectly folded, and for a moment you feel a pang of guilt before you look back up at his face and see the furrowed eyebrows.

"See. My clothes. I'm sure Sarah will sort it out for you, find you another room or summat."

"There's only three bedrooms. Can't sleep with a pregnant woman and her boyfriend, can I?"

"What about Rachel and David? Aren't you best friend's with her?"

"Harry, you're ridiculous. Just–" you wipe the sweat off of your forehead, feeling yourself grow hotter and hotter each passing minute. "–just sleep on the sofa. This is my first vacation this year. You go on holidays every week or so. Let us commoners have this."

"Oh, please. Didn't you have a girls weekend getaway or whatever the fuck in Soho Farmhouse two weeks ago?"

You can't help the scoff that leaves your mouth, and a raised eyebrow follows. "How do you know about that?"

"Because," he rolls his eyes, and slams the wardrobe shut. "You post seven hundred stories every day."

"You're a stalker."

"You sleep on the sofa."

You smirk, noticing how he avoided your previous statement.

To be fair, you hated posting on your story. Though, knowing Harry followed you on Instagram made posting on there fun, and seeing his username on the list of who watched your stories pop up at the very top every single time whenever you posted a story almost made you let out a mingy little laugh and rub your hands together, and scream "gotcha!".

"I won't."

"You're getting on my nerves."

"What a coincidence," you ignore the stare he's sending your way and walk towards your carry on, and start taking the contents out one by one, laying everything on the bed.

He watches with a scowl on his face, arms crossed across his chest, and a satisfied smile paints your features as you take out the toiletries bag next.

"Are you seriously unpacking right now?" Harry cranes his neck so he can see better. He looks ridiculous, standing in the middle of the room with arms crossed, but you refrain from saying anything.

In fact, you don't even answer him. Perhaps, you find yourself thinking, it was silly to unpack your underwear first. It wasn't as if you brought super "sexy" shit or lace everything. You can definitely feel his gaze watching your every movement as you take everything out carefully and place them on top of each other. With most of your underwear in hand, you get on one knee in front of the bedside table and open the drawer, placing everything inside and it's surprising how he hasn't claimed the bedside table yet.

"Look," he sighs. "I'll talk to Sarah, maybe you can sleep with her and Mitch–"

"–don't be stupid we're not making them sleep with other people because you can't be a gentleman and sleep on the sofa."

"Oh for fuck's sake," he growls, and you finally look at him, eyebrows raised in hopes of making him feel as stupid as he sounds right now. Unfortunately, though, he continues, "Okay, damn it, I'll sleep on the floor."

Fool.

"Common sense, Harry. Always pick sofa. No matter what."

"Were you born to make my life a living hell?"

"Look," you sit on the bed, and look around. "This is boring me to death. I'm sleeping on the bed. If you shut your gob, you can sleep with me on the bed."

Harry lets out an obnoxious laugh. "Just admit I was here first and you didn't bother checking the–"

"Yes, I didn't and what about it? I'm here now, aren't I? I'm on the bed, babes. Anyway," you get on your feet, and with one last look at him, you start walking towards the door. "I'll see you in a bit. I guess."

You both manage to avoid each other as much as you can throughout the day, and really, it wasn't that hard considering the good company of your friends, good food and good alcohol. You mainly helped Sarah and Rachel in the kitchen as the men lounged on the sun loungers, Mitch handling the grill and David helping you guys with the drinks that came in and out of the house pretty quickly with the way you lot consumed them like water.

You spend the night eating, laughing and drinking, sometimes singing along to whatever song played on David's fancy Bluetooth speaker, and everyone begins ushering inside with full bellies and most of them–except the very pregnant Sarah–with a tipsy smile on their faces.

You leave before Harry though, leaving him smoking his last cigarette by the pool while you run up the stairs and into the room, closing the door behind you. You quickly get rid of the romper and get your favourite pyjamas on, eyes searching for the orange makeup bag so you can take off the remaining makeup before bed. You knew it was silly not to do your night routine, but you still zip the bag closed with a sad expression on your face, not wanting to see your toner and night cream any more than you needed to as you throw it on the floor next to your bags. It's pathetic really, how determined you are to get in the bed before Harry can that you forego your whole routine and stick to some cotton pads. Though, plugging your charger and getting between the cool sheets make you forget all about it as you let out a sigh, and unlock your phone to do your nightly scroll before falling asleep.

As you double tap on a selfie, the door opens, and you hear him scoff, again. You keep scrolling though, and try to sneak a few glances at him as he makes a beeline for the wardrobe, and to your surprise, begins to undress. You try to stay calm, and not to think about how domestic this whole thing seems; being in the same room as him as he gets ready for bed.

Right, getting ready for bed.

You keep your eyes on your phone as his clothes hit the floor one by one, and when you look up briefly, he's got a pair of joggers on, and he's throwing the clothes he had on in the wardrobe.

He turns around, and find your gaze, and he rolls his eyes.

"I knew you'd be in bed, here, as soon as I heard someone running. Forgot you were a literal five-year-old," he mutters under his breath, loud enough so you can still hear him. "I'm not sleeping on the sofa."

"I love how you're basically arguing with yourself."

"Like I said, I'm not sleeping on the sofa. I didn't come all the way to sleep on a bloody sofa."

"Suit yourself. I guess we're sharing. Unless," you lock your phone, and place it on the bedside table. "You want to share," you shrug, adjusting your pillow and sigh at the cool fabric against your hot cheeks.

You can feel him thinking, the wheels turning in his head, and you finally hear the floorboards creek underneath his feet as he walks closer to the bed, and pushes the sheets off of you. The whole thing.

You blink in surprise. "Stop it, dude! What the fuck."

"I'm getting in! Fuck's sake, be quiet."

"You did that just to annoy me."

You're both quiet for a minute, Harry taking his rings off and then comes his socks, and he finally copies you, laying on his back on the bed. He covers the both of you, though you know it's not intentional since he couldn't do it without covering his own body with the duvet, and then he lets out a strangled sigh.

"The bed's too small."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"What?" He turns his face to you, and perhaps it's the first time he's looking at you– really looking.

His brows are furrowed, and lips turned downwards in a pout.

"I'm taking the piss, Harry. I know you're not calling me fat."

"Good," he says, though his voice isn't exactly soft. "I wouldn't."

"Good."

Silence.

It's unbearable.

Despite the hot weather, you feel yourself shiver, and you wish you were the only one in bed so you could do the whole burrito technique with the duvet. Alas... you stay where you are. You both do.

A dog barks in the distance, the high-pitched bark coming through the open window, and you can feel Harry breathing too fast beside you. You want to shout at him, tell him to fuck off and... not breathe too fast, though it sounds a bit too rude even for you, so you stay silent and wait for the dog to pipe the fuck down.

You try to turn on your side, because you could never see yourself fall asleep laying on your back like a vampire, but you almost fall, not anticipating the tiny space you've got going on. It's bad, and you know you're not going to get a good sleep. So, you find yourself contemplating about getting up and sleeping on the sofa because honestly, fuck him.

Harry shuffles next to you, presumably trying to find a good position to sleep in himself, but he lets out a groan and it startles you.

"What's wrong with you!"

"The bed's too fucking small."

"We've established that."

He sniffs, hands clenching the sheets around his body. "I don't sleep on my back. My back hurts."

You don't say anything, hoping for him to just get up and leave, go sleep on the sofa. He doesn't, though. It's another fifteen minutes before you let out another sigh, trying to get comfortable on the bed, and Harry copies you. You both turn on your sides, facing each other and Harry groans when your knee makes contact with his thigh, making you cringe in embarrassment. A quiet sorry leaves your mouth and he shakes his head, then turns the other way, facing the door.

"Fuck," he spits after a minute. "If we both want to fit, we'll have to cuddle."

"Cuddle? Fuck no."

"Just," he turns to you again, but the bed is too small for you both so his knees touch yours. "Just come closer. Either that, or go sleep on the sofa."

"Why don't you–"

"You're so stubborn! Come closer, I won't eat you or fall in love with you. Fuck."

You groan, but oblige for some reason, feeling your heart beginning to beat faster for some ridiculous reason.

It's been a long time, you find yourself trying to convince your heart. It's been a long, long time since you've been this close to a human being. Too long since you've cuddled with someone, so obviously you were going to feel a little excited, and weird. Yes, definitely weird.

You get closer and he lifts up his arm, you both sharing a look before you roll your eyes and place your hand on his wrist, placing it on your hip. He's quiet, eyes searching yours, and the crease between his brows are gone, and you want to laugh, because who knew it only took your skin against his to wipe that stupid grimace off of his face.

"I still think you're annoying," Harry mumbles, clearly sleepy. His hold on your hip becomes tighter as his thumb strokes your skin over the fabric.

"I know. Just shut up and sleep."

[revenge-of-the-shit]

Writing Chinese characters set within Western worlds

If you don’t want to read it on tumblr, go check this out on medium or go follow me on instagram at @annessarose_writes!

Alright. You know what. I’ve seen plenty of stereotypes in fiction (and in social media) that are so incredibly pervasive I’ve seen many Chinese people within the western world internalize it themselves. So here’s a rough guide on writing Chinese characters in an English-speaking Western setting, written by me, a Chinese Canadian woman.

If you’re here to say something racist fuck off. Otherwise, welcome! This is not a comprehensive guide by any means. This is merely a brief overview based on my own experiences. My experience (as someone in North America) will differ from someone living in, say, Europe or South America. I’m not representative of every Chinese person because everyone’s experience is unique. So here were are.

1. Our names

Chinese names are usually written as follows: [family name] [name]. Let’s take a Canadian historical figure as an example: 黃寬先. In Chinese, it’s pronounced “Wong Foon Sien.” On Canadian documents — which are written [First name] [Last name], he’d be called “Foon Sien Wong.” He went by “Foon Sien” for most of his life. That’s his full ���first name.” Nobody would call him Foon because that’s just half of his name (unless given permission). It’d be like meeting a stranger called Alex and calling them “Al” right off the bat. Sure, they could go by Al, but you don’t know that.

For those of us living in the Western world, some of us have both a Chinese name and an English name. In these cases, our Chinese name becomes our middle name in English (e.g. a character could be called John Heen-Gwong Lee).

For some people who immigrated to the Western world but were born in China, their legal name would be their Chinese name. Some choose to keep that name. Some choose an English name as their “preferred” name but keep their Chinese name on legal documents. It varies.

2. Parents & Stereotypes

There’s two stereotypes which are so pervasive I see it being used over and over in jokes even within Chinese (and, to a larger extent, asian) communities:

The [abusive] tiger mom and the meek/absent dad

Both parents are unreasonably strict/abusive and they suck

I have yet to see any fiction stories with Chinese parents where they’re depicted as kind/loving/supportive/understanding (if you have recommendations — please do send them my way). Not all Chinese parents are tiger parents. Chinese parents — like all parents — are human. Good god. YES, they’re human! YES, they have flaws! YES, they are influenced by the culture they grew up in!

That isn’t to say there aren’t parents like those tropes. There are. I know this because I grew up in a predominantly Chinese community where I had many a friend’s parent who was like this. Parents who compare their kids to the best kid in class. Parents who force kids into private lessons and competitions that the kid despises because the parents think it’s for the best. Parents who have literally called their kid a disappointment because they didn’t get 100%.

But please, also consider: there’s parents who support their child’s goals and who listen. Not all parents force their kid into the stereotypical trifecta of lawyer/doctor/engineer — I know of a good number who support their child in choosing the path they want. There’s parents who make mistakes and learn and try their best to support their child. So please, for the love of god, if you write a Chinese character, don’t reduce their parents to stereotypes.

3. Language & Learning

When I first read The Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan, I was so excited to see a Chinese Canadian character in Frank Zhang. Finally, there was someone like me. Finally, there was representation in well-known western media.

While I do appreciate that RR added in Frank Zhang, it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t really know how to write a Chinese Canadian character. One of the most glaring examples: in The Son of Neptune, Frank reveals he can’t really read Chinese. In like, the next book (I think — it’s been a while since I read it), Frank is suddenly able to read Chinese because he “learned” it in two week’s time.

Nope. Nuh-uh. Learning Chinese is a pain, let me tell you. There’s thousands of different characters and it is something you need to devote a lot of time to learning (especially if you’re progressed past the best childhood years for learning a language). So if you’re writing about a Chinese character living in the western world, here’s what you need to know:

A character who was born and raised in the western world does not necessarily know how to read/write in Chinese.

If they were raised by their own family, the character would very likely know how to speak their own dialect. They’d be able to understand the language used in movies/TV and they sound like a native speaker, but they may not know how to use language outside of certain contexts (the term for this is heritage speaker).

They probably went to Chinese school. They probably hated it. Chinese school is usually universally hated and does not teach you jack shit other than a hatred for the place and a vague memory of learning how to read the language without actually retaining knowledge of what you learned.

Most of my friends who know how to read/write in Chinese learned from tutors, parents, or were born in China.

There’s two main types of written Chinese: Traditional (used by Cantonese speakers) and Simplified (used by Mandarin speakers).

There are MANY other dialects (which I don’t know much about). The most common ones are Mandarin (usually spoken by people from the mainland), then Cantonese (usually spoken by people from Hong Kong).

4. Fitting into the community

Usually, the story is one of two things: they’re the only Asian kid in the entire school, or they grew up in a predominantly East Asian community. Things to consider for both of these when you’re writing:

Growing up the only Asian kid

They’re “that Asian kid.” They’re different. They walk into a class and feel weird and out of place.

They bring food from home (usually ethnic cuisine) to school. Other classmates stare at it, make fun of it, demand what that strange food is.

“Where are you from?” “Here.” “No, like, where are you really from?”

“Your name is funny.”

People literally never getting the character’s name right.

And that horrible, horrible feeling: wishing that they were white so they could avoid all of this.

Growing up in a predominantly East Asian community

It’s not uncommon for Chinese cuisine to mix with other east Asian cuisines. For special occasions (or just for a casual night out), your character could very well go out to get some sushi, or go for some KBBQ, or get some Vietnamese noodles.

Screaming “AIYAA” at/with their friends unironically if they’re annoyed (I’ve done this a lot with Cantonese friends. Less so with Mandarin friends).

Slipping into Chinese for like, two words, during a mostly-English conversation to talk about food or some other topic that can’t be adequately conveyed in English.

Reading books by white authors and learning about white history and growing up thinking white names, white books, and white history is the norm and standard even though the community is surrounded by East Asian people.

When the character leaves this community, there’s a brief culture shock when they realize how sheltered they’ve been.

Things in common for both of these:

The character has grown up on ethnic cuisine. Yes, Chinese people do eat rice with many of our meals. Yes, boba (bubble) tea is extremely popular. No, rice isn’t the only thing we eat. No, not all Chinese people love boba (though as a Chinese person I admit this sounds sacrilegious to say…)

The character likely grew up watching film/TVthat originates from East Asia. It’s not uncommon to watch Studio Ghibli films. It’s not uncommon to watch Japanese or Korean shows with canto/mando dub (examples: Ultraman, Kamen Rider). If you want to see a classic Chinese film from Hong Kong that’s fucking hilarious, watch Kung Fu Hustle.

The character has felt or been told that they’re “too westernized to be Chinese, but too Chinese to fit into the western world.” They’re torn between the two.

5. General portrayal

It’s quite simple, really. We’re human. We’re regular people. We have regular hobbies like all people do. We’re good at some subjects and bad at others. We have likes and dislikes like all people do. So here’s a list of stereotypes you can avoid.

STEREOTYPES TO AVOID BECAUSE WE’RE REGULAR HUMANS AND WE DON’T FIT INTO A SINGLE COOKIE CUTTER SHAPE, DAMMIT.

The character is a maths whiz and perfect at all things STEM.

The character is a straight-A+ gifted/IB/AP student.

The character is the next coming of Mozart and is amazing at piano/violin.

The character’s free time is spent only studying.

The character is insanely good at martial arts.

The character is either meek and submissive or an explosive, dangerous force.

I’m not going to mention the other stereotypes. You know, those ones. The really obvious ones that make fun of and demonize (sometimes through multiple untruths) how we look and how we live our lives. You should know.

Of course, there are people who fit into one or more of these. That’s not the point. The point is: molding all Chinese characters to these stereotypes (which white media tends to do) is harmful and reductionist. We’re more than stereotypes.

—

6. Conclusion

We need more diversity in portrayal of Chinese characters. Reducing us into one-dimensional caricatures has done nothing but harm us — look at what’s happening now. This guide is by no means comprehensive, but I hope it has helped you by providing a quick overview.

If you want to accurately portray Chinese characters, do your research. Read Chinese fiction. Watch Chinese films/TV. Initiate a conversation with the community. Portray us accurately. Quit turning us into caricatures.

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

looks left and right whispers the om brothers except they're vampires, i need hcs ive seen a lack of vampires and its just hfsdkjhf

Brothers As Vampires (Headcanons)

Lucifer

The hottest vampire and he knows it. He’s also that one vampire that everyone assumes is a vampire but only because he never leaves the house and he just… looks like he’d be a vampire???

Takes pride in the fact that everyone assumes it but isn’t 100% sure. He’s good at hiding it, and that’s what’s important to him. He’d hate for anyone to find out, do you know how much harder that would make his life?

He still has to eat though…

Y’all ever seen uh… Fright Night? From the 80’s? He’s like, Jerry Dandrige type vampire, and he goes out and it’s kind of like a buffet because he knows he can get whoever he wants to come home with him because he is the hottest vampire and he can drink all the blood he wants. He’s killing it, figuratively and literally.

Mammon

He’s hot, but he’s not very smart. He goes into the sun because he “forgot” that it would hurt him. Eats garlic because it tastes good but then complains that his stomach hurts for the rest of the night. He’s one of those vampires… generally entertaining.

Very greedy with his “food” though. Any human that he brings back to the house is his human, and he’s not sharing with anyone. Feeding time is the only time he becomes serious when being a vampire.

Not good at hiding it at all though…

He will literally go up to people on the street and be like “lemme bite you. Lemme bite you pleeeease.” But people think he’s joking or really bad at flirting, so they go home with him anyway. It’s kind of become his thing. If he acts dumb enough, people will think he’s cute and he still gets to eat.

Leviathan

Nosferatu type creepy, but cute. He usually keeps himself locked up in his room, feeling like he’s “lesser than” his vampire brothers, even though he’s not.

Usually he’ll creep around the hallways of the house at night which creeps his brothers out even though it’s normal for vampires to be awake at night… He just doesn’t say anything and it makes them a little uncomfortable.

Very jealous of his older brothers…

They’re able to get food so easily, and he just comes off as awkward or strange. There’s always one “lucky” person who falls for his nervously charming demeanor and he gets to take them home. He usually feels bad about it after he’s done feeding though, that person was kind enough to go home with him even when he’s the way that he is.

Satan

Dracula type, but instead of the bad slicked back hairstyle it’s bad fashion. Spends his eternity of time as a vampire researching different blood types and what their effects on vampires are.

He’s also the type that learned that not going out for food every single night won’t actually kill him, and he won’t start getting really hungry for at least a week. He has specified “feeding” days, and then eats regular food the rest of the week.

He’s very good at finding food though….

He never brings people back to the house, and he never tells his brothers where he goes to find his meals. He goes to the library, it’s easier to watch people and get them alone between the bookshelves, and it’s easier to slip away unseen. He feels no remorse either, he can’t help the way he is, it’s what he needs to do to survive. Surely the people would understand.

Asmodeus

He’s like the Twilight vampires. With the sparkles and stuff… but actually cool. He’s gorgeous, of course he is, and he knows that he is.

Cleanest eater of all time. He wears his best clothes when he “goes out to eat”, and he never has a single drop of blood on his shirt or his pants, or a single hair out of place. It’s no doubt that he’s eating though because he hasn’t gone feral yet, it’s just confusing how he’s so neat.

He’s actually got a list of people waiting to come over to “see him”...

And he usually brags to his brothers about his menu, and how all of them look so delicious. He’s eating well, and he’ll never go hungry because he’s always got people lined up. He does feel just a little bad, so he’ll make sure their last moments are “enjoyable” before he drains them, and then he doesn’t feel like such a bad guy when he’s done.

Beelzebub

The only vampire who has a heart and soul. Even as a vampire he doesn’t actually want to hurt people, which is why it’s so hard for him.

He’s always hungry which makes it even harder to try to be good. He’s tried to go without eating before, but ended up breaking down the door and going after the first person he saw. He’s drank from more people than all of his brothers combined, and he feels awful about it.

The type to say sorry right before biting someone….

He really is sorry, he doesn’t like having to do it, but he’s just so hungry. He usually goes home and talks to Belphie about how bad he feels when he’s done, but the conversation doesn’t last more than an hour before he’s going back out to find his next meal. He never brings them back to the house though, he thinks that it would be rude of him to give someone false hope and then kill them. He cares.

Belphegor

“I’m a vampire” aesthetic, but it’s not an aesthetic. Sleeps all day, not to avoid the sun, but he’s genuinely exhausted. “Coffins are for losers, just get thicker curtains” type of guy.

Hates being hungry because that means he has to actually deal with people. Doesn’t like the idea of bringing people back to the house either because he’d get his sheets dirty and then he’d have to wash them and it’s a hassle that he doesn’t want to put up with.

Tells Beel to bring him back a “snack pack” so he doesn’t have to leave his room….

Snack packs are easier, and he doesn’t have to leave his room to get one. It’s just a little cup that he can drink before he goes back to bed. It’s convenient, and it fills his stomach enough to go back to sleep for the rest of the day. Plus he doesn’t have to “hide the evidence”, he can just toss it in the trash and say it’s Jell-O or something… A vampire of convenience.

[elvensorceress]

I had too many feelings after yesterday’s episode. So, here. Have an angsty snippet of angst. 

Everything Is Fine

It’s not the loss of light that bothers him, or even the whole station living on top of each other for days on end. It’s the unending heat. Constantly sticky, constantly sweating, constantly too much. But he wants to set a good example for his newfound probie protégé, so he does what he does best. He wears a smile and keeps track of what he can control and shows the world that he’s fine. 

Everything is fine. 

Except that nothing is. 

The blackout, the power outages, the zoo escapees, the sad food, the lack of his own cellphone — that he can handle. All things considered, they’re nothing really. Especially after last year. It’ll be over eventually. Those aren’t the things that keep gnawing at his insides and flooding him with worry and visions of a hospital ICU. 

Every time he closes his eyes. Eddie is pale, intubated, unconscious, fighting for his life. 

What if his heart is broken? What if the extreme hypovolemic shock and blood loss and trauma to his body weakened his heart? What if there’s residual damage? What if he had some kind of underlying condition that was aggravated when he nearly died four months ago? What if he suffers an attack or his heart starts failing and they can’t get him to a hospital this time? 

There is no chance in any sort of hell that Buck will just drop it and move on. 

He knows Eddie’s been carefully avoiding him the past few days. Not enough to be obvious. Not enough to make it seem like it’s anything out of the ordinary. To anyone else that is.  He still smiles when they’re near each other and sits beside Buck when they eat like they always do.

He’s just not talking. About anything more than work. 

And after something clearly happened when his girlfriend stopped by with salad and Christopher, Buck is done. He’s done. It’s not okay. He’s not ready to be a single parent. He’s not ready to watch Eddie crash and slip away from them. Everything around them is sweltering, suffocating, and he can’t bear to watch Eddie stop breathing. 

So, no. He’s not going to give up. Ever. 

He’s also not sure what to do with the revelation that Eddie is having panic attacks so intense and visceral that 1) he has to see a cardiologist and 2) are over the thought of his long term relationship becoming serious. 

Eddie and Ana are supposed to be great. They’re supposed to be doing well together. Eddie is supposed to be happy. He has to be because if he’s not then all of this is so much worse than Buck ever could have imagined. 

He’d been working on his relationship with his parents. He’d upgraded himself, turned a page, started a new phase. He’d been thinking about the future he wanted. 

Dr. Copeland told him to make a list — they could be goals, they could be dreams, it didn’t matter how far-fetched or ridiculous they seemed. She told him it was good to figure out what he wants his life to be and what he wants out of it. It would help him take steps toward those things. 

He knew it wasn’t possible. He knew it was a future he could never have. But it was a dream that existed, okay? 

When he looks at the smile on Christopher’s face, when he thinks of the way Christopher turns to him for help, when he feels the way Christopher hugs him and melts because he’s safe and loved and happy when Buck holds him. 

When he thinks of his own safe person, of reassurance, of compatibility, of comfort, of happiness, there’s no one he can picture but Eddie.

He can’t imagine a future without them. He doesn’t want a life without them. 

But he can only have so much. He knows that. It’s fine. Everything is. He just filled his nights off with an endless string of first dates that went nowhere instead of playing video games and watching movies and cooking dinner with his favorite people. 

He didn’t think about being replaced. He’s not a Diaz and never will be. He wouldn’t be missed. He had plenty of things to do on his own. If a lot of them turned out to be listening to Albert talk about the people he’d met while out clubbing and the ones he’d kissed or wanted to kiss, it was Buck’s fault for asking what he was up to. 

His loft was so quiet without roommates. Too quiet. When Albert was gone. When everyone was gone. 

But it was supposed to be worth it. Because Eddie was supposed to be happy. 

How the fuck can he stay with someone, knowing she is probably in love with him by now, when he knows he’s not in love with her? When he knows the thought of being with her and having a future together is something that literally, physically hurts him? 

How can it be enough? How can he live through giving up time with Chris? Time with Eddie? If this is what he gave that up for?

He stepped back. He made room because Eddie wanted someone and should have someone, and Buck knows there’s nothing on the future list for the two of them as anything more than what they already are. 

And that’s fine. He can live with that, too. As long as they still have each other in some way, as long as Eddie is alive, as long as Christopher is still somewhat his, Buck can accept it. 

But not like this. Not when Eddie is miserable and hurting himself and hurting someone who probably loves him. It’s not fair to any of them. 

“I have been Ana,” he says before he can ever rein in depth and layers of unrequited love. Maybe it’s not fair, but neither is holding on while you have one foot out the door or your whole entire self on another continent. 

Abby let him love her. She knew Buck loved her, wanted her, wanted to be with her. If she’d asked, he might have even followed her. But she didn’t ask and didn’t want him in return. Didn’t even tell him. In the end, he’d fallen in love with a ghost. A shadow. She confessed she wasn’t herself with him, and he wanted to say he didn’t know and couldn’t feel it. But he could. 

He’s not sure anymore if he’s ever known what it’s like to be loved by someone in that way. 

It hurts worse than the truth. The uncertainty, the knowing but having no confirmation, the suspicion and doubt. It breeds insecurity and jealousy and he already lacks in the department of self worth. 

If Eddie asked, there’s no question, no limit to what he’d give.

But he won’t ask. He wants to stick it out and hurt every single one of them. 

So, Buck leaves him to contemplate while he goes outside in the roasting sun. It’s too much. Too much heat and not enough relief. Too much always, always pulsing in his chest. The air smells and tastes even more toxic. Metallic, noxious pollution hovering within everything. 

It’s not fine. He doesn’t know how Eddie can be okay with it. 

[glitxhwayventeen]

A Different Kind Of Love…

Wonwoo: Chapter 3 (Save Your Tears)

Characters: Wonwoo x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, cheating (again, sort of), FOOD mentions, Mood Swings. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: Here it is friends! A chapter with almost complete fluff. Who would’ve thunk huh? Anyways I hope you guys like the chapter. I had quite a bit of fun writing it for some reason…

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

Mostly domestic ☁️ & barely any 🥀

A Different Kind Of Love… Master List

Chapter 3: Save Your Tears

It had been exactly three months since you had been marked by Wonwoo and finally completely integrated yourself into your new pack. You hadn’t seen or heard from Song since that night, but you still felt VERY uneasy about the whole situation. People didn’t just get together the way you and your mate did and get a sweet happy little ending.

Wonwoo and you were doing great personally though. You now slept in the same room, ‘slept’ together, and just all around loved each other. You were starting to have a hard time remembering what life was like before you had gotten attacked by that angry mob now that you were with him. He made time stop and fast forward all at once. Everything seemed to go on forever and yet so quickly when you were with him. And you loved every single second of it. Even if you had a hard time showing him that sometimes.

You were downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast for all the boys, someone had to. They literally could not seem to take care of themselves even if they were grown ass men. So you kind of took on the part of den mother to them, you were the only responsible girl they had around after all. None of the Alphas had mates yet, in fact, no one older than Jihoon had found theirs yet. It was only the younger ones. And while their mates were great, they just very much acted like their wolf counter parts, which meant fun all day everyday without a second thought. So that left you being one of the few, other than Seungcheol and Joshua, who knew when enough shenanigans was enough. You didn’t mind, you liked having a big family again.

Many of the boys reminded you of your brothers. Especially Mingyu, who ate and played just as much and as rough as they did. It caused the both of you to become very close, even to the point where he felt like one of your biological brothers, he reminded you a lot of Mako. And of course, Wonwoo was absolutely delighted that the member he considered his best friend and his mate got along so much. He trusted Mingyu around you more than anyone else, so much so that he refused to even let you leave the house without either Gyu or himself by your side.

You had been having your nightmares again which was relatively normal for you. However, Wonwoo had started having them himself, which as a seer was very much not normal or good in meaning in anyway. He wouldn’t tell you what they were about, he always said you didn’t need to worry or be bothered with them as there was nothing to mention. But the way he clung to you, and the way he forced Mingyu to stay with you when he couldn’t, started having you think that maybe things weren’t as alright as they seemed…

You still just brushed it off, trying your best to just enjoy your little honeymoon bliss with your mate and continued to flip pancakes. Everything would work out. That’s what your voices said, so that’s what you believed. Soon enough, your mate had woken up to an empty bed and marched his way downstairs with a pout adorned on his face.

“(Y/N), why are you downstairs stirring batter instead of upstairs snoring in my arms?” He let out in an annoyed huff as he came to stand beside you, watching your actions with playfully narrowed eyes.

“Because Wonu, 1.) everyone will need breakfast soon and I hate that Seungcheol’s always left to be the one to do it and 2.) you take forever and I hate waiting for you to wake up. And HEY I do NOT snore!” You ranted, smacking his toned chest with your free hand in the process, the other firmly gripped onto your whisk as you made more mix for more pancakes.

You had gotten comfortable with him to the point of joking. Which not only made you proud, but made Wonwoo’s heart soar. He was glad he could coax you out of your shell a bit.

“Yeah yeah sure. And Soonyoung isn’t a little sexual deviant.” He chuckled and kissed the top of your rat’s nest covered head.

“Hey! I heard that!” Soonyoung shouted from his room in the higher portion of the house.

“Yeah I know.” Wonwoo smiled, dipping his finger in the batter you had just added some strawberry syrup to to add more flavor and plopping it directly into his mouth.

“Whatever that weird stuff is is good. But don’t think I’m still not upset that my mate left the bed without me this morning.” He assessed, sitting himself down on the counter next to you while you started pouring batter onto your skillet.

“Well get over it my love. It’s not the first time it’s happened and we both know with the way you sleep, it’s not gonna be the last. And my pancakes are not weird! They are delicious.” You declared, flipping a newly heated pancake over so it’s other side would begin to cook.

That’s something he had come to realize about you: you were always very prideful of being able to do household things well. And certain things like your hair for that matter. You always had high personal standards, though you only seemed to hold yourself to them as you didn’t care if anyone else lived up to them, just you. He chalked it up to your tribe’s old family centered traditions. He thought it was cute, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t tease you a bit about it.

Wonwoo smirked and bit his lip at the gratification you showed in your cooking, “They are. They’re still weird as shit though. Who puts the syrup INTO the batter?”

“I do. It makes them taste better” You insisted before you put the finished pancake with the rest of the cooked stack you had managed to create before your mate came to bother you.

“You know maybe you just don’t know how to cook.” You pointed at him with your spatula in a teasing manner.

“Maybe not” He shrugged, ducking his form down a bit to get closer to you, “But I DO know that when you’re done cooking them, you’re just gonna eat them plain like a freak.”

Just as he finished his sentence, half a dozen wolves made their way into the kitchen. You hadn’t even realized anyone other than Soonyoung was really even up yet do to you focusing all your senses and attention on your mate. That had taken you a lot of practice as, in the wilderness, you had to pay attention to everything and everyone around you.

“Mmm smells good (Y/N), what’s cooking?” Seungkwan questioned as he fought Soonyoung for a seat that was positioned closer to the food.

“Pancakes. I made loads of them” You stated, looking towards the two bickering werewolves before you and turned the stovetop off.

“And it is NOT freaky to eat them without syrup. Lots of people do it. Plus, the extra syrup’s so sugary it’s been making me feel sick lately so I would rather just eat it without to avoid it.” You spoke to Wonwoo, who had finally brought himself down from the counter and sat himself down on a chair to grab food with the other boys.

He just laughed in response to your stubbornness and pulled you to sit on his lap with a kiss to your cheek, “Whatever you say baby. I still think it’s weird to eat a plain pancake.”

It had taken you quite a while to warm up to this kind of PDA. When you first came to them, something like that would have you wiggle your way to sit alone and have to hide your burning cheeks. You’d really come a long way. Well, at least with Wonu

“Oh yeah no that’s suuuuper weird (Y/N). You may be a sociopath.” Jeonghan chuckled as he plopped another large bite of a pancake into his mouth, smiling.

“Yeah that’s weird as shit. Who the hell eats a plain pancake?” Soonyoung snickered, shoveling a whole syrup filled circle into his mouth.

“Look, what do any of you know? Most of you had never even eaten a pancake before I came around because Koreans don’t typically eat them for breakfast. So shut up!” You spit out, your feelings starting to get hurt at the constant teasing of the others.

“Who’s the weirdo eating plain pancakes?” Joshua, the American, asked from the stairs as he slowly made his was down towards the rest of the pack to eat.

“Well the Westerner thinks it’s weird so…” Chan said with a shrug and a shit eating grin.

The boys all busted out laughing, some so hard they had to hold their sides. Wonwoo started to choke a laugh back into your shoulder as you sat there and folded your arms over your chest.

“You guys suck. I try and be NICE to you and I get laughed at for my eating habits. I don’t want to have to sit here for this” You huffed, getting up from your mate’s lap and walking upstairs to your shared bedroom, closing the door a bit louder than you probably should’ve when so many people were still sleeping.

“Damn, what crawled up her ass?” Hansol, who you had stomped past on the way to your room said, finally getting himself situated in the kitchen.

Wonwoo let out a frustrated sigh before he stood up from his place, grabbing a plate of pancakes in the process. He was still trying to figure out when his teasing was too much for you. And he probably would’ve been fine had the others not decided to join in. You liked them, you did, but you weren’t as comfortable around them just yet. Them taunting you probably really upset you and he was just the dumbass who let them continue to do it.

“Me. I’m an idiot. I’ll go talk to her and see if I can get her to come back down.” He said as he begrudgingly made his way to the stairs, slightly kicking himself internally for upsetting you over something so little and stupid.

-

Once he made it to your bedroom door, he tried to turn the handle, only to realize it was locked.

“(Y/N)? Baby? Can you please open the door?” He whined out, not realizing he had upset you to the point of you wanting even HIM to leave you alone.

You always wanted him around you. Even when you first came to the pack, you still would rather be near him. Even when he was with Song, you still liked having him close by. Even when you were angry at him, you’d rather be angry at him with his arms wrapped around you than be angry at him alone somewhere. You never locked the door. His inner wolf groaned at the thought.

“No.” You bluntly spit out, wanting him as far away from you as possible and trying to suppress a stomach growl all in one go.

“I brought pancakes…” Wonwoo all but sung out, having heard your angry stomach and knowing damn well you would give into him if he had food.

After hearing a small groan from the other side of the barrier, he heard a little click of metal before the door swung open. In front of him was a very angry looking you, your cheeks were stained with tears and it caused a small whimper to emit from his chest. He had caused you to cry and it crushed him.

You had your hand out in expectancy as he had promised sustenance in exchange for entry. He dutifully handed you the plate and closed the door behind him. He watched as you scarfed down a full pancake in one go. Damn, you were more hungry than he thought.

“What do you want?” You sniffled at him once you had cleared your airway of food.

You sat the plate down on the nightstand before you stood and turned your attention back to your mate, grabbing another pancake and taking small bites in the process. You were never really this hungry or ate this much, but when you got sad lately, you just felt like eating. Probably not the best habit, but you weren’t that good with your feelings, you always just followed your instincts instead. They always kept you alive, and right now they were telling you to eat, so you ate.

“I wanted to apologize baby. I didn’t mean to upset you. It really was just a joke. I didn’t mean to make you cry. You’re not weird. Plain pancakes are fine. I should’ve just kept my big mouth shut.” He groveled, wrapping his arms around your small frame.

“Yes. Yes, you should’ve.” You agreed, finally swallowing the remains of your food and crossing your arms in annoyance, slightly leaning away from his touch to wipe your tears away.

You wanted him to touch you. God, you wanted him to touch you. But you didn’t want to give in so easily, because once you gave in, you knew he’d get all smug and then you’d want to punch his smug face. You wanted him to genuinely feel bad before you crashed your lips to his and ripped each other clothes off. It was only fair.

Wonwoo could smell the wetness already beginning to form between your legs. He suppressed a smirk threatening to appear on his face for getting you this worked up by literally doing almost nothing, but he knew being cocky wasn’t a good way to get you to stop being mad at him. So he stuck with his original plan: begging for forgiveness.

He easily lifted you up and secured your legs around his waist, holding onto your back so you wouldn’t lose your balance and fall, “I really am sorry. I won’t do it again baby. I promise.” He spoke as he leaned his forehead against yours with his best pout, tugging at your heartstrings.

You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to contain your excitement for what was about to come, but failed miserably and let a happy smile creep up on your lips. You locked your hands behind his head, giggled at him and bit your lip.

“You’re forgiven. This time. BUT you have to make it up to me.” You decided, eyes looking up for a moment in thought to tease him. He slowly started moving towards the bed that was in the center of the room before he spoke up.

“And how would you like me to make it up to you baby?” He said as he began kissing your neck softly, trailing around your mate mark with a grin plastered on his face.

“Well for starters, you can fuck me senseless until I forget what I was even mad at you for to begin with.” You confirmed, tilting your head to the side to give him a bit more access to your exposed neck.

“With pleasure my love.” And with that, he fell to the bed with you in his arms, careful not to crush you in the process before he got to work on his promise.

(Updated 8/23)

[cocobutnochanel]

The Kims | 18+

Genre: smut, angst, drama, au

Main Characters: Kim Minseok, Kim Junmyeon, Kim Jongin x Reader (oc: female)

Warnings: profanity, sex scenes, aggression, mature themes, slavery(not literally idk)

Summary: When you thought life wasn't a fairytale and you were no Cinderella, truth slaps you in the face when you become an orphan overnight and your step-family sells you off to the richest family in town.

Kink List: verbal degradation, size difference, exhibitionism, blowjob, gagging, mention of tears, spanking, overstimulating, daddy!Junmyeon

Part 3

(Part 1, Part 2)

The following days were boring once again. The Kims were busy, as per usual. Their money wasn’t made by staying at home and laying around. You really had no idea what their family’s business was into but it was safer that way. Baekhyun always said that the less you know, the better.

You sniffed the air and immediately guessed it was cookies. You ran to the kitchen where Kyungsoo was mixing the ingredients while the oven beside him was releasing a very distinct smell.

“That smells so good!” You inhale once more, catching Kyungsoo’s attention. He beckoned you to come nearer. “Help me with this, will you?” He pointed to the bowl.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and skipped to his side. You look at the dough he was mixing. “You should really add more chocolate chips.” You advise to the older guy.

He looked at you with thinking eyes. “Won’t it be too sweet then?” He asked, still holding the whisk in his hand. He contemplated for a moment but followed your advice nonetheless.

You smile when you see him pouring half a cup of chocolate chips onto the mixture. Kyungsoo was good with food but he liked his food not that sweet. He always needed yours or Baekhyun’s opinion.

After mixing, he jokingly puts some of the mixture on a tiny teaspoon. “Try it.” He jokes but you open your mouth and go for the mixture.

You let your tastebuds examine it before your eyes light up at the satisfactory taste. “That’s it! You got it, Kyungsoo-oppa!” You exclaim a little too loud. Kyungsoo grinned at how you gushed over the tiniest things.

“You really are a child.” He pinched your nose and ruffled your hair. “Yah, oppa! Don’t do that!” You glared at him jokingly which made him laugh even more.

You hear someone clear their throat. You quickly turn around and see Junmyeon walking inside the kitchen.

“Young master, we weren’t expecting you. How can we help you?” Kyungsoo immediately greeted him, saving you and your flustered self. You bow your head towards Junmyeon as a late greeting. You silently hope he won’t give you shit because of this.

“I just went to check since I heard some voices.” He nodded at Kyungsoo, making the tension in the air even thicker. Baekhyun appears by the open door behind Junmyeon and his eyes widen at the site of our boss in the kitchen.

Quietly, Junmyeon turned around and walked out of the kitchen. He whispered something to Baekhyun’s ear and proceeded to walk away. You sighed after the nerve-wracking scene finally ended. Junmyeon might look gentle and soft but he is no exception to the danger all the Kims have.

“You okay, Y/N?” Kyungsoo’s worried voice made you look at him. “I’m fine, oppa. Still not used to them, I guess.” Your voice was weak and faint. You shook your head, trying to get the nervousness out of your system.

Baekhyun entered the kitchen with a worried face and you look at him questioningly. His gaze shifted to Kyungsoo and back to you. This time, he even looked more worried.

“Spill it, Baek.” You say to him confidently despite your heart beating against your chest.

“Kyungsoo, Junmyeon said to bring Y/N to the study now.” Baekhyun looked away as if that would erase the worry on his face. You were confused as to why Junmyeon would say that to Baek. He could’ve told us directly or sent me after him but he didn’t. He had to order Baekhyun and now this overthinking man was all over the place.

“It’s okay, Baek. He’s probably just pissed we’re noisy.” You try to reassure him but your voice audibly shook. “We’re fine, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo walked to Baek’s side and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Kyungsoo beckoned you to follow him out of the kitchen. He took his apron off by the counter and started walking down the hallways of the mansion.

You sigh once again and Kyungsoo turns around for a moment. You mouth an ‘I’m fine’ to him. He walked continuously until we reached the study’s door.

Kyungsoo cautiously knocked and announced your arrival. “Bring her in.” You hear Junmyeon’s muffled voice through the door. Kyungsoo turned the doorknob and pushed the wooden door open carefully. He gave you one last glance until he gestured he would leave.

“No, Kyungsoo stay.” Junmyeon’s voice was eerily calm, it scared the living shit out of you. He was even calmer than he was when they first welcomed you. You have no idea if this was a good or bad sign.

Kyungsoo simply nodded at the boss’s order and stood by the door with an expressionless face.

You see Junmyeon smirk a little as he looked at you while signing papers on his desk. You tried to look at Kyungsoo for help but he avoided your gaze. He didn’t want any trouble with the bosses.

“Strip, Y/N.” You hear Junmyeon say this so normally, his eyes still on the pile of papers in front of him. “E-Excuse me?” You tried to ask while looking at Kyungsoo for help. “I said strip. Are you hearing impaired?” He looked at you incredulously.

You gulped at his request but nonetheless, your hands went to the hem of the dress you were wearing. Kyungsoo tried to get a hold of the doorknob but Junmyeon spoke again.

“I said stay, Kyungsoo. Are you all deaf or dumb?” Junmyeon looked at him angrily. Kyungsoo immediately retreated to where he stood earlier.

He wanted you to strip in front of Kyungsoo? What was the point of all of this?

“Strip, you fucking whore. Stop playing dumb.” This was the first time you heard Junmyeon curse and honestly, it shocked you. You only shook your head and unzipped the back of your dress.

Your dress fell to the floor as you look at Kyungsoo who had his eyes stay glued on the floor. To be in this state with Kyungsoo present made you want to run and cry, you consider him a friend and an older brother after all. Your heartbeat now doubled as you stood in the middle of the room in your underwear alone.

You hesitated to do it but you couldn’t afford Junmyeon to get angrier. Your hands unhooked your bra from behind. You took it off so slowly, it was excruciating to watch. Your fingers hooked the ends of your lace panties and you took it off afterwards too.

Junmyeon looked up from his desk, a satisfied glint in his eyes as soon as he saw you naked. You close your eyes. You were naked in front of Kyungsoo. You wanted to run and hide. He was a friend for you, how could he stomach this image of you?

Junmyeon stood up, snatching your attention away from Kyungsoo. He walked to you and you bit your lip nervously. His hand reached for your cheek as you closed your eyes in anticipation of what was about to happen. It was shame, fear and anxiety all at the same time.

“Kneel.” Junmyeon ordered you as he shifted you to a position that your side profile was more visible to Kyungsoo. You followed Junmyeon’s command and kneel in front of him.

When your knees touched the velvet floor, it felt like you lost all your dignity as a human being. You were a slave to this man and if he said you should eat dog shit, you would. He was your god, after all.

Junmyeon unzipped his pants and pushed it lower, allowing his 9-inch penis spring to life. You gulped at the sight of his masculinity and you couldn’t help but gasp when it almost touched your face.

He looked at Kyungsoo who was standing by the door, eyes still on the floor. “Kyungsoo, watch us.” Junmyeon said with so much amusement in his voice. You refused to look at Kyungsoo when he said this. You knew Kyungsoo would obey him.

“Suck on it like the whore that you are.” Junmyeon smirked and held you by your hair. You wince a little at his harsh hold but then, you knew you should follow him.

You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat and held the erect member. You opened your mouth and started to suck on the head. “Fuck.” Junmyeon audibly groaned when you let your tongue flick on his tip.

“More.” He pushed your head towards his cock more and you could feel it against your tonsils. Tears started to form in your eyes and you started to choke. You didn’t know if it was the huge penis in your mouth or the shame that you were feeling as you felt Kyungsoo’s gaze get heavier as he watched you and Junmyeon.

Tears streamed down your face but Junmyeon couldn’t care less. The choking and gasping noises you made just drove him crazier and harsher. He kept pushing you towards his cock, making you take it in as a whole every single time. Your head bobbed as more tears came. You didn’t know how something as degrading as this made you want it even more.

Junmyeon let go of your head as he threw his head back. You sucked his cock to your own accord now. You didn’t know how or when but this brought the same funny feeling you had with Minseok and Jongin.

You hold his cock as you divert your attention now to his balls. You caress them with your tongue while your hand pumped his member. “Fuck, Y/N. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” The curses Junmyeon spat made you want to work for it more. He was such a formal and professional person, you found out he only cursed like this whenever he was aroused.

You went back to his large cock and let your tongue flick its tip. You taste the salty precum and assume this was a compliment from Junmyeon. You took it in as a whole and he finally released his salty and bitter juice inside your mouth.

Before you could swallow his cum, Junmyeon held your jaw and made you open your mouth. Seeing his cum on your tongue made his cock twitch and his lips smirk. “Good girl.” He praised you and you felt the tingling sensation in your femininity heighten.

“Sit.” He pushes you onto the floor. You obey him and he makes you turn, facing Kyungsoo. You see his emotionless face as he stood there idly. You turn red in embarrassment as the thought of Kyungsoo seeing you suck your boss’s dick sink in.

Junmyeon pulled your left leg forcefully, making you widen the space between them. You cringed at the sight of your wet pussy that was facing Kyungsoo. His eyes widened at the sight and Junmyeon chuckled at that.

“Won’t you look at that? You’re wet and I haven’t even touched you.” Junmyeon growled, holding your legs apart from behind. You turn away in shame but Junmyeon uses his other hand to hold your jaw in place. He wanted Kyungsoo to see you like this.

“You still think this whore is a child, Kyungsoo?” He sarcastically laughed. Kyungsoo only shut his eyes. “No, Kyungsoo, watch. Watch this child turn into my whore.” He bellowed, his hand reaching for your pussy.

You felt his middle finger flick your clit and you whimper. He starts teasing you down there while he stared at Kyungsoo’s face. He was taunting him, showing him who you truly belonged to. You belonged to the Kims as their plaything.

He pinched your clit, making you scream. Your hands went to Junmyeon’s shoulders that were behind you. Your thighs trembled and you feel yourself reach your own peak. You clutched his shoulders as you felt your release. You close your eyes shut because you knew you were gonna squirt and Kyungsoo was about to see that too.

You opened your eyes and looked at Junmyeon’s satisfied face but stubbornly, he went on. He kept teasing your clit even if you already came. His gaze on Kyungsoo was smug and confident.

He puts a whole finger inside you so suddenly, making you jump in surprise. You bit your lip when you felt him entering and exiting your pussy so easily. You were that wet for him. For his touch.

His other hand that were holding your thighs apart travelled to your boob. The warmth of his palm against your cold breast makes you moan. “M-Master.” You manage to make out as you get wetter and wetter.

His finger started grazing your nipple as soon as he heard you begging. Jongin must’ve told him your nipples were your greatest weakpoint. You feel another release coming your way.

You cried as you reach for his shoulders for support again. You felt something gush out of you once again. You feel Junmyeon’s smirk against your bare shoulder.

You thought he was satisfied already but he kept going on. You were turning crazy now as he wanted you to come again. The finger that was entering your pussy was now below you as you rode it yourself. His hand was no longer moving. You pounded on his finger like the whore that he called you.

“Look at that, Kyungsoo.” He smugly bragged, gesturing to you who were now going crazy for his touch. He removed his hand from below you.

You were disappointed but he quickly crawled to your other side, his face now in your pussy. He was placing soft kisses on the inside of your thigh. He lets his tongue run down your vagina and you feel yourself tremble once again.

“I know that face.” Junmyeon declares as he sees you squirm. He beckoned Kyungsoo to come nearer. You hid your face in your palms immediately, blocking your sight as quickly as you could. You feel Junmyeon’s warm palm hit your pussy and that was enough to send you over the edge again.

You feel another wave of release coming. Tears once again came back to your face as you squirted for the third time today.

You fluttered your eyes open and you wanted to hide immediately. Horror entered your system. You see Kyungsoo’s face in between your legs. His cheeks were wet from your juice while Junmyeon stood behind him, smirking.

“See, she’s a bad girl, Kyungsoo. A slut, even.” Junmyeon licked his lips, an amused glint in his eyes. Shame was an understatement for how you were feeling right now. He was my oppa. He wasn’t supposed to see this, what more feel it on his face?

Junmyeon pushed Kyungsoo away from you. He replaced Kyungsoo’s position, his member still erect.

He enters you without any difficulty. You were so wet, his dick easily slid in and out of you. He rocked you as you laid limp on the floor.

He was grunting as he thrusted every time, hitting your G-spot. He pulled out immediately, letting his cum land on your bare stomach. You come one last time and this earns you a chuckle from Junmyeon.

You sighed when it was finally done. “You can go now, Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon smirked as he stood. Kyungsoo immediately raced out of the study. He must’ve been traumatized and that made you guilty.

“Thank you, Y/N.” Junmyeon formally said, pulling his pants up. He was back to himself after that final release. His pent up frustration might have been the reason why he switches personality when aroused.

You stood up too. You picked your clothes up from the floor and wore it back. Junmyeon nonchalantly returned to his desk and continued with his paperworks.

You were about to exit but Junmyeon spoke once again, his eyes still concentrating on the paper on his desk.

“Lesson for today, Y/N: Never make me jealous. I hate hearing you squeal and call someone else oppa.”

[bluebellhairpin]

Habits AoT Characters Have

Part 1/?

Masterlist  

Levi Ackerman

The most obvious of Levi’s habits is how he holds his teacup. (Damn odd way to hold a cup, if I might say so.) He didn’t want to repeat that loss of tea. 

Second to this is how he needs everything to be clean. Personally, I think this can be connected back to his mother. 

Where he grew up - the Underground - it wasn’t a clean place. Morally, and physically. Being so young when she died, he might have connected the disease that brought her death with something painfully obvious - how dirty the Underground was.

Which would explain, why now, he likes keeping places and things around him clean. More for others than himself. He doesn’t want anyone dying like his mother did - because he wasn’t able to keep the environment clean enough.  

I also think he hums. It’s very soft. And he only does it when he’s alone. But he does it. Mostly at night when his insomnia get’s too much - even if it is only his own humming, his room feels less empty. 

He does it a lot when an expedition had been especially bad. Like in the Female Titan arc, after his squad was killed. 

He did the same thing after Kuchel died. Sitting across from her, he’d hum to make him think she was still there. That he wasn’t alone. 

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

Reiner Braun

Post-Timeskip, he rubs and scratches his chin a lot. Mostly when he’s anxious or in deep thought. 

Pre-Timeskip, back when no one knew he was the Armoured Titan, he would keep an eye on everyone. He did form a bond with the others in the 104th, even if he didn’t or refused to believe it, and he would look out for them all.

He big-brother every single one of those other cadets. 

Hence how he taught Eren that defence moves in training so he could take on Annie. He didn’t know it’d be used on him later, but hey, how was he supposed to know Eren was also a titan shifter? Huh? You tell me. 

I also headcanon he’d a real heavy sleeper. 

Due to having to pair up with Bertholdt, and no doubt sleep with - or very close to him - he got used to how he slept and adapted. 

You could literally walk over him while he slept, and all Reiner would do is deeply sigh - still asleep - and roll over. You could roll over him, and he’d subconsciously stretch his arms above his head. Deadass - unless you made a lot of nose, barely anything physically done to him while he slept would wake him up. 

Built like a brick shit-house, and sleeps like one too. 

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

Miche Zacharias

He’d work in the kitchens before meals and low-key sniff everything to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. Especially the higher-officials foods. 

He was never asked to do it, he just did. 

Also a heavy sleeper. No one’s fault. Just is. 

It’d take a lot to wake him up by accident, but - unlike Reiner - he does have a sixth sense for trouble. So if you were in his room to prank him, he’d wake, but if you just needed to grab something and ‘oh look, I threw a party while I was getting it’ he would barely stir at all. 

Taps his feet. 

He’s like sitting in a meeting, and his foot is tapping the table leg and he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. Or he’s standing against a wall - leaning, more like - and his heel is hitting the wall over and over. Or he’s overseeing cadet training - arms crossed, and he’s resting his weight on one foot and tapping the dirt with the toes on his other. 

Even if he’s lying in bed, before reaching the heavy throngs of slumber, he’s rubbing his foot against the mattress as if her were tapping it. 

It’s another ‘no explanation’ habit, but it’s there and no one’s brought it up with him yet so - to date - he doesn’t even know he does it. 

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

Hange Zoe

Forget’s to sleep. 

Doesn’t have insomnia like Levi does, but they get as much sleep as he does only because they don’t know when to stop researching, reading, experimenting. Moblit has the habit of walking up at three in the morning to take Hange off to bed because of their habit. 

They drink hot water. One slice of lemon. five teaspoons of sugar. 

Is slowly being weaned off it - Moblit, again. They used to have twelve - but the warm sweetness with the sour does something to them and no one knows why but despite the nature of the drink it does calm her a little. 

Call it major reverse psychology. 

Eats yellow things. 

Yellow flower? In the mouth. 

Yellow drink? Mouth. 

Yellow bite-sized frog? Yep, mouth. 

Levi; “Piss?” Unfortunately and probably the mouth. 

It’s like some animal instinct to stuff these yellow things in their mouth - much to Moblit’s distress. Poor guy can’t catch a break. He’s Hange’s keeper. 

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

Erwin Smith

He runs. 

I was gonna add more, but I got distracted halfway through the sentence. I came back and found I do actually believe he runs. Peridot. 

Younger cadets and even older officers will purposely wake up for early self-training just to watch him run. He know this. Has tried to avoid it. But he’s just so in ‘the habit’ of waking up and running at that time that he couldn’t just change that. 

Back to what I was going to say - He runs the feathered tip of his quill against his jawline when he’s pondering over the papers he’s working on. It’s a light - feathery lol - brush, very faint. 

Much like the first listed habit of his, it distracts those around him - which is why he likes being alone when working on papers - because the habit it draws attention to his immaculate. ‘sculpted by the gods’, greek, physique. 

And he can’t just stop or change this habit like the other one either. It helps him think. So when he had tried to stop he takes twice as long to get his paperwork done, so he just gave up.

Post-Arm-Loss, he holds his stump. 

He’s thinking, or staring at a wall, and his hand comes up and holds where his arm used to be. Not in mourning. This is just something he did. 

───────✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰✧.｡:✱───────

Jean Krischtein

He draws. This is a canon headcanon. I don’t care. It needs more attention drawn to it (pun intended) so I’m listing it. 

He draws people important to him, or people he misses. 

Admittedly, it’s mostly of his mother or Mikasa. But he does have a collection of drawings of Marco. And even some of Reiner and Bertholdt. And Annie. He drew on of Levi’s squad and ‘the veterans’ too. 

Post-Timeskip, he does tie his hair back sometimes. 

If Levi’s sent him to clean, or he’s just cleaning, he has a makeshift headband he uses to keep everything away from his face so he can see clearly. 

And yes, he does still ‘Levi deep-clean’ post-timeskip. The others have grown out of it a little, but he’s kept it up. He likes how satisfied he feels after he’s spent all this time getting rid of all the dirt. He is one of Levi’s favorites because of this. 

I think he’s also a ‘closet compassionate character’ - so especially after the ‘titan-shifter betrayal’ he stepped up and took the place Reiner once had as someone who looked out for the others of the 104th. He barely shows it, but he does make sure everyone stays as much out of harms way as possible. 

[scottfuckingreed]

It’s a Pogue Thing - Part Three

This is a JJ Maybank story

-

Warnings!: swearing and mentions of abuse

-

     I wake up alone. Not only without JJ, but also without Kiara. I’m confused until I smell it... breakfast? It can’t be. Throwing myself out of bed, I dress myself and prepare myself for the brightness outside this room. “Ah there she is!” John B smiles. Before I can even react. a bit of toast bounces off of my head. All I can do is shut my eyes. I’m not even a fully functioning human yet. “Thanks,” I slide my feet across the floor, all the way to the couch. “Nice sleep?” Kiara chuckles, handing me an ‘in tact’ piece of toast. “It was alright.” I shrug. Internally I feel giddy. “You looked like you were pretty deep into it,” she adds. I was. She’s absolutely right. “I bet she was,” the husky morning voice of JJ erupts as he comes out of the bathroom. “Especially after last night.” His words get linked with a wink, followed by my heart stopping. “Yeah I’m sorry about that guys...” I flash my eyes straight over to John B. I’m definitely overthinking everything. Why would anyone even think JJ and I would ever? We wouldn’t. I guess that’s not true anymore. Either way, I’m fully awake now. “I didn’t realize it would be such a dead end.” Kiara’s hand cups John B’s shoulder in attempt to comfort. The blend of pain and disappointment in his voice was radiating through him. I wish there was another way; an easier way. “We just need to look closer. I’m sure there’s something,” I lie. “Are we sure there’s anything to find at all?” I throw my bread at the jackass. “JJ!” Ki follows. “You’re just pissed ‘cause I’m being honest. I’m sorry John, but what are we going on again?” I decide to stay quiet. “It doesn’t hurt to look again-” “You guys do what you want.”

     Not fully sure why, I rush my shoes on and follow the boy storming away. I feel somewhat protective over him. It’s a strange feeling. “JJ! Wait!” I call, jogging to catch up with him. He hardly slows. The anger was pretty much radiating off of his body. “If you’re here to-” “I’m here because I agree with you,” he pauses and frowns. “Even if there’s nothing, we still have to try.” Saying those words aloud feels like betrayal. I wish I had the guts to say what I thought, just like JJ, but there’s a time and a place. And both of those were wrong in that moment. “It’s false hope.” His words are blunt. “I know,” I whisper. I smooth my hair back with my hands. “You- he needs this JJ.” As he nods, he rolls his eyes. “He’s my best friend Y/N-” “I know JJ, but you just need to be a little more sensitive.” Once again, he rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just can’t lie to him,” shrugging, I realize this will continue to go in circles. “Fine,” I give up. A little frustrated, I turn around and start walking back to John B’s. “Where are you going?” I turn around quickly. I can’t help but frown at him. Like a dog, I tilt my head slightly to the side. “I thought we could grab some breakfast?” “I- what?” “I can tell you’re pissed.” Wow. Is it that obvious? I guess I don’t hide my emotions very well. “We ate at John’s...” I don’t know if I want to eat with him right now. “No. I didn’t eat, and you threw yours at me. Come on,” he nods and walks away from me. That’s it? And of course I follow him. I can’t not. 

     The walk was too quiet. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it had the ‘do I speak now or not’ vibe. When we get to a table in a small cafe, I sit opposite him slowly. “You can’t be that mad at me...” He chuckles slightly. Then comes the smirk. I didn’t know a look could do so many things to a person. It makes me want to slap him so bad. It also just makes me smile. “I’ll buy the food?” He tempts. “Do I even want to know where you get your money from?” The top and bottom lip press together on the boy’s face. “Probably not, you’re a good girl,” he winks. 

     Food. The boy truly knows me. So once that glorious breakfast spread was displayed in front of me - those exquisite eggs, the beautiful bacon, that tasty ass toast - he was forgiven. No grudges. I don’t even remember why I was even annoyed at him. “Wow,” is all I can express. Only a very small number of things can make me speechless. This is at the top of that list. “I know, I’m amazing,” he nods with a smug look on his face. Even when he’s joking about it, he always looks incredibly pleased with himself. I wish I had his confidence... or arrogance. Which either one it is, it works for him. Which is an utter shame. 

     We both indulged in every bite. Our plates looked both new and pristine. I am entirely and completely stuffed, and yet - if someone offered it to me - I could probably eat more. Although, I would definitely be sick. “That was so fucking good,” I let out in a ‘little too sexual’ of a moan. “That’s hot,” he informs me. God he’s so annoying. “Don’t even try it, JJ,” I wave my fork towards him. My threat just causes his to smirk. “So, what do you wanna do now?” A pleading smile gleams across his face. It’s not like me to give in to such tendencies. I just cannot seem to help it when it comes to JJ. “You don’t wanna go back to your boyfriend’s?” I tease. “Not really,” he shrugs. “I need a break from all that crime shit for today.” I don’t blame him. I hate to say it, but it brings an awkward and depressing atmosphere. I do feel bad for John B, but it’s too much if it’s all the time. A break, as selfish as it sounds, is what I need for today.

      As I stand up from my seat, my eyes immediate lock to the next customers walking through the door. Topper and Rafe. All I can think to do is sit back down. Just before my body starts zoning out, I hear JJ’s voice. “What are you doing?” He laughs in confusion. I haven’t been very open about mine and Rafe’s ‘relationship’ at all. I hate to even call it that. They know that he was a dick, which is the biggest understatement of the century, and they know we had a pretty awful break up. That’s it. At least I wish that was it. 4 months isn’t long enough to heal after... him. It’s just not. He’s mentally, emotionally, and literally physically everywhere. I nod my head, hinting at him to turn around. “Ah.” Is all he says. Rafe sends an obvious smirk to Topper, before making a straight line towards me and JJ. “Hey beautiful,” my skin crawls at his words. He makes me so angry, but I struggle to find the words to say. “What do you want Rafe?” I let out in a harsh tone. I wish I could scream at him, and just call him out on every single thing, but I can’t. Fuck. “Just here for something to eat,” he raises his eyebrows and smirks, placing a heavy hand on JJ’s shoulder. He doesn’t even budge, just lets an annoyed smile spread across his face. Topper chuckles at his best friend’s revolting sexual innuendo. “Why are you such a little bitch?” JJ nudges Topper on his side. It was just a poke, but it sent Topper moving. “What did you just call me?” Topper moves back towards him. JJ shoots up out of his chair. “You heard me, I don’t think you can move much further up his ass,” I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. “Can we just go?” His eyes just stare into Topper’s, while Rafe looks proudly at his boy. “JJ...” I wrap my hand around his forearm and pull slightly. “Fine.” Just as I get the boy to move away from the scene, Rafe decides to make the comment, “Who’s the bitch now?!” As you can expect, JJ does a 180 and darts back towards the two assholes. A fist hits my ex’s face. 

“God JJ,” I raise my voice slightly at the boy, sucking in my sad emotions. If anything I’m annoyed at myself for not being to stick up for myself. It’s just so hard to see him, let alone hear his voice. And to communicate with him? It feels almost impossible. “Why are you annoyed at me?” He snaps. “I’m not, I just wish you’d know when to leave things alone,” I roll my eyes. “I’m not your bitch Y/N.” I ignore him. I know he’s not. I realise I am probably projecting my frustration out now, and taking it out on someone who is very easy to argue with. “No, you don’t even fucking listen to me.” I speed up my walk. There are several things I need to do; breathe is the first one, then probably punch something or someone, then cry. Crying sounds like a plan. Footsteps inch closer and closer behind me. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just-” “I know.” I stop him. If he asks that question, the question I have avoided since the break up, I will break down. Fragile is an understatement. I’m like a bird with a broken wing, or a dried out twig ready to snap. One little gush of wind and I’m done. I will break. “Did something else happen, with you and Rafe?”

flashback

I made a joke. That’s it. I was caught up in the moment, and made a joke that he didn’t find funny. I could tell. He didn’t shout. He didn’t even raise his voice. He just stayed silent. His face just dropped. He’s pissed. He’s pissed at me. There was no retaliation, solely because his friends were around. Topper was there. There were other’s there. Now there’s not. I’m fucked. 

“Look, Rafe, I didn’t mean-” “You didn’t mean it? All you do it fucking embarrass me! You always mean it!” He shouts. The rasp in his voice startles me, and instantly pushes the tears out of my eyes. I’m scared. I’m scared of him. I’m scared for me. “I was just joking around, I-I-I-I” I stutter. The words pause as I get pushed against the counter. The harsh corner stabs into my back, making me fall to the floor in pain. I sit quietened by the wind being pushed out of my body. My mouth stays wide in agonizing pain, but my scream is silent. There’s no weep. There’s not a cry. Just tears falling down my now heated cheeks. I take a deep inhale of breath. I have no strength, emotional or physical, to get myself off of the floor. I can’t... Not on my own. Rafe’s face sits in the sight of my blurred eyes, as he places himself in front of me. “I don’t know why you always do this baby,” his fingers, which were previously on harsh hands, caress my chin softly. A thumb wipes my tears. Instead of pushing him away like I should, I nuzzle my hand into his hand. I’ve made enough mistakes tonight. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. A set of lips go to my forehead. 

“Y/N...” A soft voice snaps me back to reality. That was early days. It wasn’t even bad then. I cough slightly. How awkward. “Did he hurt you?” He asks, in a tone I don’t know if I’ve ever heard JJ use. It was gentle and careful, and had meaning behind it. Despite JJ being an idiot, I trust JJ with my life. Literally. But this... I can’t tell anybody about it. Not a soul. “He broke my heart JJ,” honestly, I’m not sure if I lied to JJ or not. I don’t ever remember loving that guy. I must’ve. 

We head back to John B’s. Everyone other than Pope was still there. John was looking at the research his father gathered, and combining it with the little amount we’ve managed to find. Ki was cleaning his shitty place up. She’s way to good to that boy sometimes. Somehow, no matter how many times it gets cleaned, it’s always a huge mess. “Where did you guy’s go?” Luckily, with the long-ish walk back, we no longer look stressed. “We got breakfast,” I throw myself onto the couch. John B looks up from his pages and raises his eyebrows. “You never take me to breakfast!” He throws his hand over his heart, clearly in pain. “You’re not as good company as me John, just accept it.” “Did you pay for it?” Kiara asks. I immediately sit up, snapping my head to the boy as I realise. “You little thief,” JJ says before I can even speak. “No I-” “Damn Y/N, I must be rubbing off on you, finally.”