#the like backing instrumentals are actually so beautifully written the way the chords change after the second chorus is so fucking good

[me-sploh-rada-imas]

ohhh the whole vibe is completely different!! bojan's voice sounds incredible, the bass slaps, jan on keys nearly made me cry, the whole instrumentals are amazing i loved it!

if anyone wants to listen it's still available here

[shemakesmusic-uk]

TRACK BY TRACK BREAKDOWN: Daddy's Country Gold LP by Melissa Carper

Singer-songwriter and upright bassist Melissa Carper has released her new album Daddy's Country Gold today.

Carper’s refreshingly unique style calls to mind greats like Kitty Wells, Billie Holiday, and Loretta Lynn, beautifully conveyed in the grooves of the album’s 12 sparkling gems. Carper enlisted fellow bassist Dennis Crouch (The Time Jumpers) and producer/engineer Andrija Tokic (Alabama Shakes, Margo Price) to co-produce the album and bring her dream to life. Recorded live to tape at Tokic’s analog studio wonderland The Bomb Shelter in Nashville, the album features Crouch (bass), Chris Scruggs (guitar, steel guitar), Jeff Taylor (piano, organ, accordion), Matty Meyer (drums, percussion), Billy Contreras (fiddle), with guest appearances from Brennen Leigh, Sierra Ferrell, and legendary pedal steel maestro Lloyd Green.

Daddy’s Country Gold is a collection of glittering Carper originals of the country, western swing, and jazz variety. From the first notes of album opener 'Makin’Memories,' to the whimsical 'Would You Like To Get Some Goats,' and the heart-wrenching tenderness of album closer 'The Stars Are Aligned,' this lifetime of work, experience, and wanderlust culminates in a beautiful portrait of heartfelt music, written by a road-lovin’ gal who has lived these songs and spent her life playing music for folks that still love the real thing.

We asked Melissa to breakdown Daddy's Country Gold track-by-track to give us more insight into what the songs on the LP are about. Read it below.

Makin' Memories

Most of my songs' inspirations will come just from a beginning phrase or idea and then they will take off from that.  With 'Makin' Memories,' the inspiration came from a conversation I was having with a friend, they were joking about 'Makin' memories and keepin' your memories.'  I thought it was funny and a good song idea. The first line came to me, 'I'm makin' memories I'd like to remember.'  I always have a hard time remembering people's names, especially getting introduced to so many folks at shows and traveling all around, so thus 'Larry and Steve.'  Then, of course, there is the whole idea of not remembering what happened when you have had too much to drink, something I may have done a time or two. This is just a fun, lighthearted song that hopefully makes people chuckle.  I love Frank Sinatra and this song happened to take on a bit of that Sinatra flair.  

I Almost Forgot About You

The idea for 'I Almost Forgot About You' came from a weekend in which I had a very good time and had managed to forget about a love interest that I had been obsessing about. When I got back home that phrase came to me, 'I Almost Forgot About You,' and I realized I had a song there.  I just kind of tied in the various lost loves of my life to come up with the rest. The bridge for this song came later and sort of magically. I primarily write without an instrument in hand and develop the words and melody first and then I sit down and figure out the chords after.  This bridge I am particularly happy with the spaces and the way the phrasing waits. It came to me that way, and in fact, this entire song had a nice easy flow with the way it all came. I like it when that happens, feels like you are getting help from the universe.  

Back When

A lot of my songs are based on my real-life experiences, and with 'Back When,' every single word of that was lived and true. I started writing it a bit after a break up while longing for the relationship I once had with someone, that is--the beginning of the relationship when we were in love and everything was wonderful. It was written with a hopeful desire that things could be as they once were, and though that never happened, I feel like this song does have that hopeful air that maybe 'back when' could happen again, for any relationship that has lost that spark.  

Old Fashioned Gal

'Old Fashioned Gal' was inspired by spending some time in the beautiful country of West Virginia.  I did receive help from a West Virginian on the names of flowers and such.  Before writing it, I had been listening on Sirius radio to a station with old jazz tunes--if I remember correctly--while driving back from a long tour with the Carper Family.   Usually, if I listen to a certain style over and over, the next thing I write will have that influence.  Like I do with most of my songs, I developed the melody and lyrics first in my head and then sat down to find the chords on guitar.  It ended up having a surprising amount of chord changes in the chorus and changing in odd spots rhythmically, but that's what the melody dictated and I like the way it twists and turns and throws you a bit off-balance there in the chorus.  

You're Still My Love

'You're Still My Love' is just a sad love song and written from real-life experience. I had been listening to Jolie Holland before I wrote this one and I think it affected the embellishments in the melody.  Also, I think Patsy Cline came out, probably from listening so much to Patsy in my childhood.  This one wrote itself real quick and I remember camping and sleeping in the back of my van while writing it. 

Would You Like to Get Some Goats?

When I wrote 'Would You Like to Get Some Goats' I had a girlfriend at the time whose dream was to have a goat farm. I had fun with double-entendre and metaphors in this one.  And it kind of likens the commitment of getting goats with the commitment of marriage. I have heard goats are quite a commitment but they sure are cute when they are little babies.  

My Old Chevy Van

'My Old Chevy Van' is an emotional song for me.  I inherited my family's 1991 Chevy Van and had been driving it for six years or so when I moved from Arkansas to Austin, Texas in 2009.  I drove it around Texas for a year or two and then felt like it was time to sell it as maintenance was getting expensive and it got terrible gas mileage. I had lived in the van at various times, having a traveling lifestyle, and then there were all the memories it held from childhood. At the time of writing the song, both my mom and dad had already passed on. I had no idea when I sold this van how sad I would be because it had such a connection to them. I still wish I had not sold it and just kept it around as a guest house. The seats in back folded out to be a bed and it was quite comfortable to ride in with the luxury bucket seats. I named her 'Barbie' because the pink and purple paint job reminded me of my Barbie van I had growing up. I had been listening to Hazel Dickens a bunch when I wrote 'My Old Chevy Van' and I feel that was influential. This song needed a bridge and my old bandmate, Jan Bell (who knew Barbie), helped me find some lyrical ideas that fit just perfectly for the bridge.  

Arkansas Hills

I wrote 'Arkansas Hills' when I was driving back from a Christmas trip to Wisconsin. I started writing it around St. Louis and I did not have a smartphone to give me directions. I had probably scribbled some directions down or was looking at a map and I remember telling myself out loud a few times, so I would remember the highways, '44 West out of St. Louis to 65 South,' and then I thought to myself well that's a nice start to a traveling song. So I started writing it while I was driving down the road, and had it pretty much finished by the time I was pulling into 'my little log cabin' in Arkansas--except I didn't really live in a log cabin, but it sounds good in the song.  Donna Farar of Mountain View, Arkansas helped me write a fourth verse, which I felt the song needed.  Donna wrote all the lyrics to Willie's big hit 'The Last Thing I Needed the First Thing This Morning' and she actually lives in the middle of the woods in Arkansas in a cabin, so I felt that enlisting her help was a perfect choice.  

It's Better if You Never Know

'It's Better if You Never Know' is one of my more recent songs and it was inspired simply by a conversation with songwriters in Nashville at a table in a bar. Once I had moved to Nashville and began co-writing with some folks, I realized you can get a song idea at almost anytime if you are paying attention, just listening to a good phrase someone might say. In this instance, someone said 'It's Better if You Never Know' and someone else said that sounds like a good song. I started trying to write it the next day. I'm getting better at writing songs that don't necessarily have a link to me personally, however, I do believe when a song has that personal link it can have an extra emotional feeling that is conveyed to the listener.  

I'm Musing You

'I'm Musing You' came about while I was driving down the road on a road trip. I hadn't written a song in a while and was thinking about how I have often used the same muse or muses to create a song, by thinking back on old times. I thought to myself 'I need a new muse, I need to stop delving back into these old times.' And there was the song.  

Many Moons Ago

With 'Many Moons Ago,' a musician friend of mine used that phrase, many moons ago, and I thought wow I like that, people don't use that phrase much anymore, so I decided to write a song with the phrase. I had been listening to a Delmore Brothers tape over and over in my truck and, though I don't even remember the specific song, I know that something from that tape inspired the melody to 'Many Moons Ago.' Often times I will not know what I am copying or if I am copying something, but there is just something present in my consciousness that brings about a certain style or melody. This song doesn't have many lyrics, but I like the simple message it conveys that time does heal and growth occurs and you move on even when you feel you are dealing with something you can never get over.

The Stars Are Aligned

'The Stars Are Aligned' just came from the romantic feeling of a new relationship with a soulmate you have been waiting for. It flowed out just naturally from that first phrase, the 'Stars Are Aligned.' I love the way this one lends itself to a string section in the background, almost Disney princess-like, and I am so pleased with the lovely string parts on this recording. The string parts were written by my girlfriend and first-class fiddler, Rebecca Patek.

Photo credit: Aisha Golliher

[ohh-baekhyun]

Just For One Night | Final (5-8)

✨Foreword: Baekhyun has always been carefully platonic in his interactions with his best friend’s little sister. He resolved to keep her at arm’s length despite his attraction towards her. But one night, one kiss changes everything.

✨Genre: romance, there’s a bit of badly written smut in there sorry, fluff!

✨Word Count: 10.5k (it’s long)

Turn out, the pianist who was supposed to play for Kyungsoo’s wedding backed out last minute for an urgent matter. There's not enough time to hire a replacement, hence, I was asked to help out since I was the only who knew how to play the instrument. I was freaking out. It had been years since the last time I performed in public. Hell, I couldn't even remember the last time I played the piano. I'd stopped completely after that one incident in which I broke down during a performance for a national competition. It was embarrassing and also traumatizing.

I was all alone in the backstage waiting room, sitting on the cold ground with my legs crossed. I was nervous and my head was spinning like a washing machine as I worried about all the worst case scenarios that might or might not happened. 

As my thoughts were running, a click from the door startled me and I looked up. The door slid open and Baekhyun stood in the doorway, one hand grabbing the doorknob to hold the door open. He made quick glances across the room until his eyes found me, "Why are you sitting on the floor?"

I gave him a small smile, "Come sit with me."

He stepped in and pushed the door closed behind him, "I’m starting to think you are anti-social.” he teased as he made his way towards me.

I chuckled half-heartedly, “I just need some time to calm myself down.”

When he reached me, I tilted my head up to look at him. "Is everything okay?" he asked, eyeing me down with concern.

I shook my head hopelessly.

Sighing, he lowered himself to the empty spot next to me. "Nervous?" he asked.

"Very."

He placed his palm over my hand on my thigh and gave it a light squeeze, "I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way. I'd be very nervous too if I were you."  

"I'm afraid I'll screw up and ruin everything for Kyungsoo, it's a big day for him."

And I went on and on about it, telling him all the worst case scenarios that might happen in a long endless ramble.

As I finished, I looked to my side and found him smiling at my rambling. I return his stare with knitted eyebrows. "Why are you smiling? I'm freaking out right now."

Shaking his head, he moved his hand to cup the side of my head, and then he gently pushed it down so I was leaning on his shoulder. “You need to stop doubting yourself, sweetheart,” he said, stroking my hair comfortingly. "You did well for the rehearsal and I'm sure you'll do well later."

“What if-“

"No more," He cut me off sternly. ”You are going to be fine."

“How can you be so sure?”

He didn’t answer to that, instead, he slipped his free hand beneath the jacket of his suit and pulled something out of it. “I know whatever I say is not going to help, so I have something else that might help.”

“What is it?” I lifted my head from his shoulder and peered at the shiny object in his palm.

He reached for my wrist and tugged it to him. “It’s a lucky bracelet.” he circled the chain around my wrist and fastened the clasp. When he was done, I pulled my hand back and observed the new piece of jewelry on my wrist. It was a rose-gold bracelet with six mini charms dangling around it.

Dolphins, piano, books, snowflake, four-leaf clover and a heart-shaped locket.

They were all my favorite things.

I grinned from ear to ear while eyeing closely at the cute little charms, “Thank you. I really love it.”

“It's not for you,” he replied, surprising me. “I’m lending it to you just for a day.”

Lend?

Not expecting that answer, I squinted my eyes at him, “Why do you have this girly thing with you?”

“I found it under my bed on a Christmas Day when I was ten.” he explained, surprising me again, “I believe Santa gave it to me."

I snorted once, twice and then I laughed, “Remind me you’re twenty-nine.”

“You can laugh all you want."  he muttered. “this bracelet brings good luck everytime I wear it."

"You wear this?" I asked in awe and at the same time suppressing my grin. It was hard not to laugh at the visual of him wearing such a cutesy piece of jewelry.

He nodded, “Only on special occasion."

“And it works?"

“Every damn time.”

If it wasn't for the fact that he and my brother used to fool me a lot when I was little, I'd easily fall for his silly lie.

I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously, “You sure you are not messing around with me?”

Baekhyun curled his lips in annoyance, "Hand it back to me.”

I retracted my hand and hid it behind my back before he reached it, “I trust you. Sorry."

“You better do because the magic is not going to work if you don't believe it."

Is he telling me to believe in magic?

Must. Not. Laugh.

"What? You still think I'm lying to you?" he frowned at me.

“I believe in you.” I muttered through my pressed lips, trying to hold back my laughter.

“Good.” he said, “You’re going to be okay now.”

“I hope so."

“Are you still feeling nervous?”

For some reason, I wasn't feeling as nervous as I was before. Was it the bracelet? or Was it him?

“I told you it works.”

He must be right about the magic. I was suddenly so in love with this bracelet.....

"You know," I climbed onto his lap, straddling him in kneeling position. He looked perplexed as I circled my arm around him. “Christmas is just around the corner,” I hinted.

Finally understanding my intention, Baekhyun smirked, resting his hands on my hips to hold me still. "Trying to lure me, sweetheart?"

“I'm just saying you can forgo the hassle of choosing a gift for me." I coaxed. "I don't mind having this as a gift, even though it has been used."

He didn't spare any time to consider my request, instead, he just answered, “No."

"Please?" I begged him with my voice, and then my eye.

He stared at me, completely unmoved.

Dammit, it used to work when I wasyounger...

I harrumphed. “You are so not generous.”  

"It's good enough that I'm lending it to you. Stop complaining."

“You know, If it were Chanyeol, he would gladly give it to Soyeon if she asked for it."

"Do I look like a Chanyeol to you?"

"No."

He raised one brow at me, "So?"

"I mean, If it were me, I'd give it to you as well. You don't even have to beg for it."

"Are you guilt-tripping me?"

"No." I denied, "I'm just saying it doesn't hurt to be nicer to your girlfriend."

"I'm lending it to you for a day. That's nice enough." he said firmly, "Take it or leave it."

I wrinkled my nose, "You stingy human."

"Don't make me change my mind, you ungrateful woman."

"You are so not getting any gift from me." I lied. I had actually bought him a watch for Christmas.

A knock on the door surprised me and I scrambled off his lap immediately and looked over my shoulder. The door slid open and this time my brother appeared peeking into the room. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked when he saw us on the floor.

"Chatting," Baekhyun answered calmly.

"Come and join us." I patted on the space next to me.

"The ceremony is starting soon. We have to go now," he said.

"Let's go." Baekhyun said as he raised himself off the ground and then helped me up.

Chanyeol held the door open with his elbow and once Baekhyun and I stepped out of the room, he shut the door closed and fell into step next to me. I was now sandwiched between the two males as we made our way into the main hall.

"You feeling okay?" my brother asked, sounding worried.

I nodded and raised my hand to show him my bracelet, "Baekhyun lend this to me. It's a magic bracelet from Santa."

"Santa?" Chanyeol peered at Baekhyun and threw him an incredulous stare. "For real?"

Not liking the look Chanyeol gave him, Baekhyun frowned at him, "What?"

"Stop messing around with my sister, dude." he accused, "She's not five anymore."

"Shh," I nudged at my brother's elbow and whispered to him, "He's quite sensitive about it."

"You know that asshole is lying to you right?" my brother whispered back to me.

"Fuck you all," Baekhyun cursed his breath.

"See. I told you he's sensitive."

The room was quiet as everyone waited in anticipation for the bride to walk down the aisle.

I placed my fingers on the keys and looked up at the cellist seated across the piano. Once he nodded at me, I knew it was my cue to start. Inhaling a deep breath, I pushed the keys down to the very first chord of the song. The strings followed afterward, blending in beautifully with the melody. My heart beat a little faster, but my mind was calm and my hand wasn't trembling as they did earlier. The bracelet really worked its magic.

The music lasted around three minutes before it finally drew into a stop the moment the bride reached the groom at the altar. I was glad I could finally watch the rest of the ceremony and I couldn't take my eyes off the couple. By the time the couple finished exchanging their vows, and kissed, I had tears all over my eyes.

The speeches that followed afterward was like a breath of fresh air. Suho cracked us up with his hilarious speech, keeping the atmosphere bright and far from sentimental. Jisoo's father was next to deliver his heartfelt speech as he spoke about her in glowing terms. We ended up with teary eyes again. Lastly, it's Kyungsoo's turn to give his speech, swooning all the girls in the room with his loving words as he sang his wife's praises.

The moment Kyungsoo ended his speech and the MC announced that the dinner started, everyone swarmed towards the buffet station to queue for food. I walked off the stage and glanced around the crowded hall to look for a toilet but midway through searching, an arm stopped me.

"Can I speak to you?" the EO asked.

"Sure."

"Come with me."

I followed behind him as he led me to a quieter place backstage. We stopped at the dark corner of the hallway and he turned around. "I need your help again," he said, passing me a few set of papers. 

I glance down at the music score, confirming that the song was famiiar before glancing up at him. "Sure, I can help."

He sighed in relief. "Thank you so much. You’re really a lifesaver.”

“Don’t worry about it,” You assure. "May I know when is it starting?

"Once I get all the guests to be seated, we're ready to go. It'll take about fifteen to twenty minutes."

"Enough time for toilet break?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Inside the restroom, I bumped into Aera and our encounter was awkward to say the least. The girl sounded so excited as she told me about Baekhyun, how funny and sweet he was, how good-looking he was. Instead of feeling envious, I felt guilty. It was bad enough that I had to lie to her about my secret relationship with Baekhyun, now I had to also pretend that I was happy for her. It's a good thing what she had for Baekhyun was merely just a crush, because anything deeper than that would result in a heartbreak. I'd be the worst person on the planet if that ever happened to her.

Aera and I headed back into the main hall together. As we walked, she did most of the talking and I listened. When we entered the hall, people were scattering all over the place, some were chatting, some were taking pictures and some holding plates with a mountain full of food. We parted halfway as she returned to her table and I walked back to my seat behind the piano on stage.

Around twenty minutes later, I had played a total of four songs and I was starting to feel hungry. Good thing this was the last because I'd been eyeing the food at the buffet table for a long time now. As soon as I hit the last note of the song and the guests cheered, I hurried down the stage towards the food station. I made a stop at the dessert table, picked a piece of mini fruit tart and shoved it into my mouth immediately.

"You seem very hungry."

A voice caught my attention and I looked up at the man standing before me. He grinned, and I flash him a polite smile with my mouth full, "I am."

"It was a nice performance. I forgot how much I enjoyed listening to your music."  

I tilted my head to the side, "I'm sorry, but have we met before?"

"We used to be duet partners, remember?" he hinted.

My brows knitted together in a deep thought, trying to remember him and his name. I had numerous duet partners a few years back when I was still attending the music academy.

"I'm Kai."

Kai....kai.....kai.....

"Oh! Kai as in Kim Kai?" I guessed, finally remembering. He smiled an nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't recognize you earlier. You look so different from the last time I saw you."

"You mean I look older now?" he deduced.

"No, that's not what I meant." I corrected, afraid that he'd be offended. "You look young, just slightly older.... but still not that old...you know....” I giggle nervously. “gosh why am I saying....you know what...I look older too. We've both aged."

"Relax, gorgeous, I was just teasing you." he laughed.

I couldn't help but blush, feeling embarrassed at my own rambling.

"Are you here alone?" he asked.

"Not really."

"Not really? So where's your date?"

As if he was answering to Kai's question, Baekhyun suddenly appeared at my side, one hand slid around my waist to pull me close. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" his voice brusque in my ear.

I shifted my gaze to Kai who looked perplexed at the moment, "Will you please excuse us?"

"Sure. I'll talk to you later then."

I had no time to reply to him as Baekhyun wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled me away.

"Where are we going?" I asked to his back as he hauled me through the crowds and dragged out of the main hall. "Baekhyun?"  

He wouldn't answer to me.  

We were now reaching a dark hallway where the female's toilet was located at. He banged on the door and when there's no response, he pushed it open and shoved me inside.

"What's wrong?" I asked, still confused by his frantic actions.

He locked the door behind us.

"That guy was flirting with you." he kept his voice low despite the anger vibrating off him.

I finally understood where his anger was coming from. He was jealous. But I was honestly clueless that Kai was flirting with me.

"Is that how it looked like?" I asked, "I wasn't aware."

His jaw clenched, "Jesus, how could you be so oblivious?"

"We were just having a conversation," I explained softly. "I didn't know he was flirting."

His dark eyes stared deeply into me and I could tell he wasn't convinced. I'd be lying if I said him acting all jealous hadn't thrilled me. But I'd still like him to put more trust in me.

My hand moved up to squeeze his arm as a gesture of reassurance, "I wasn't flirting with him."

The tension slowly eased from his hardened face and he sighed wearily, "I know. I trust you." he said gruffly, "But that doesn't mean I can just sit back and watch some good-looking guy younger than me ogling at my girlfriend like she's his last fucking meal."

I hadn't noticed Kai was good-looking until Baekhyun mentioned it. Maybe because all along, I only had my eyes on one man. And he's right here with me.

"You are the only one I'm attracted to, Baekhyun," I told him sincerely.

His response was to push me up against the wooden door, pinning my hands next to my head as he kissed me hard. It took me half a second to get over my surprise and I kissed him back. He pressed his body into mine as though he couldn't get any closer and I gasped at the feel of his erection against my crotch.

"Mine." he breathed over my lips as he continued to grind his hard-on against me.

A rush of tingling pleasure strike right through my core and my breathing hitched, "Baekhyun," I panted, "W- we are in the toilet..."

"There's no one here." his lips traveled down the side of my neck and I arched into his kisses.

"What if someone hears us." I whispered frantically.

"There's no one here," he repeated, his voice thick with arousal.

"But- Ohhh," I whimpered at the feel of his teeth piercing down my skin. Another pleasured sigh slipped through my lips as the tip of his tongue darted out to lick the bruised skin, then it trailed its way back to my mouth.

My hands were suddenly free as his hands slid down to shove the hem of my dress up so it was bunched around my waist, his fingers immediately found its way to the wetness he had caused down there.

"B-Baekhyun." I moaned as I felt a subtle brush of his thumb over my clit.  

"Shh, baby, Let me take care of you." he pushed two fingers inside me, pumping them in and out and edging me closer to climax.  

My legs quivered and I gripped his arms tightly. His fingers worked me rough and fast. I dropped my head to his shoulder and let out a muffled cry against his neck as my first orgasm rolled over me.

"Fuck!" His chest heaving as he watched me and his breathing grew harsher.

Baekhyun pulled his fingers out of my throbbing heat and his hand went down to his trousers. My stomach flipped with need and anticipation as he unzipped. He shoved his trousers down his legs and his erection sprung free.

Keeping his eyes on me, he tore my knickers down. "Put your legs around me," he ordered.

I did as he asked me to, my legs went up around his waist and my arms wrapped around his shoulders. His erection poked against my entrance and I gasped at the sensation. For a few torturing seconds, he ground his dick against my aching heat while his mouth latches on my neck, sucking and licking until I begged him to fuck me right there and then.

"Say it."

"I want you inside me." my plea came out desperate.

He didn't need to be told twice.

His fingers dug into my hips and he thrust into me, filling me completely with his thick length.

"Oh God!" My head slammed back against the door with a loud cry of pleasure.

Baekhyun let out a low grunt as he continued to move his hips and drove his cock deeper inside of me. My whimpers grew louder and I bit my lower lip to suppress the lewd sound, worried someone might hear us.

"Louder!" he growled, as he thrust harder. "Let me hear how good I make you feel."

The lewd sound of my moan blended together with the loud sound of my back pounding against the toilet's door. I clenched my fingers into his shoulders, watching the restrained on his face as his cock slid in and out of me.

"Come!" he ordered.

"Baekhyun!" My body shuddered and I clenched around him as I came hard for the second time.

"Fuck baby, you feel like fucking heaven," he groaned huskily, "Keep squeezing my cock like that, I'm coming."

And I gave him what he wanted. My inner muscles squeezed around him and a low guttural growl emitted from the back of his throat as his own climax hit him hard.

His body slumped against me, and for a while, we just stood there trying to catch our breath and gain back our senses. When we finally came down from our high and our breathing was more controlled, he pulled back to look me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry I got jealous for a stupid reason," he whispered, affection and tenderness shone in his brown eyes.

A smile touched my lips. "You need to get jealous more often," I joked. "That was hot."

Chuckling, he pulled me into a long kiss. I ran my hand through his locks and sighed into his mouth, feeling the contentment rose in my chest.

"You really didn't notice he's good looking?" he asked as he pulled back.

"You think he is?"

"I mean...he's tall." He shrugged. "Women prefer taller guys. Right?"

"That's not true. You aren't tall but I still like you very much." I said. "Aera likes you too," I added. "Oh and don't forget Jaesi."

His forehead creased at the mention of the two girls, "You know I'm still inside you right?"

I hummed. "I can feel it."

"Can't you at least wait until I pull out before you mention about my ex?"

Baekhyun pushed the toilet’s door open, making just enough space for his head to peek through. Once he checked that the corridor was empty, he turned to give me a nod before shoving the door further open. We sneaked out and strode down the hallway towards the revolving door at the lobby hall.

We were leaving the venue to get some cakes at a well-known pastry cafe nearby. The wild bathroom sex had left me famished since I barely eaten anything for dinner. I could’ve gone back into the hall to get some food but Baekhyun insisted that we leave this place for a little while. I couldn’t say no to him and of course I couldn’t say no to to cake...

The parking valet approached us as soon as we came through the door, “Should I get you your car, sir?”

Baekhyun turned to me for an answer.

“Let's walk.” I said, "It's not that far anyway."

The valet guy took my answer and gave us a courtesy nod before stepping away.

"Let's go."

I was feeling like one of that child on Christmas Day while we strolled side by side down the peaceful street. My eyes wandered restlessly at the beautiful lights and decorations twinkling all around us. That, along with my present company, gave me an immense sense of joy. I’d never thought it was possible to be this happy. But I was. Deliriously, exhilaratingly, and wonderfully happy.

Every so often, as my eyes caught something I admired, I’d stop and stare at it for a long time, and I loved how Baekhyun would wait patiently next to me and let me have my own sweet time. He told me he used to not understand why people love Christmas so much, but now, he had started to get it. When I asked him how so, he shrugged and told me he simply loved how much I loved it.

My my,  If this man isn’t perfect, I don’t know what is.

“I am going for Christmas shopping next Saturday.” Baekhyun announced, breaking our comfortable silence.

I looked at him, cocking my head in thought, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying.” he said, “I might start putting up Christmas tree from this year onwards.”

It was strange because Baekhyun had never put up a Christmas tree before. He thought it was a hassle and he didn't quite like the smell of pine tree.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” I asked, curious.  

“Because you’ll be staying over at my place more often now.”

“What does thathas to do with Christmas tree?” I asked, still clueless.

“You are just as slow as your brother,” he muttered, shaking his head at me.

“Come on, it’s not like you to beat around the bush.” I muttered with quirked eyebrows, “Why do you all of a sudden decide you want a Christmas tree?”

“Christmas tree makes you happy and I love seeing you happy.”

I see now...

Liking that a lot, I beamed, “You really know how to impress a girl.”

“Only you, baby. Only for you.”

Grateful that I had a boyfriend who loved to make me feel happy and special, there’s nothing more I could say but a simple thank you.

“So, would you like to join me?” He asked.

“For what? Christmas tree shopping?”

“Yes, and we can decorate our first Christmas tree together.”

There’s something blissfully warm in the way he said “Our”. Right then, it occurred to me that we'd soon be spending our first Christmas together as a couple. The idea alone put a smile on my face. I wished this wouldn’t be the last.

“So? Is that a yes?” he asked, breaking into my thoughts.

“I’ll have to check my schedule for that day.” I was completely messing with him.

Baekhyun skidded intoa halt and turned to face me with furrowed eyebrows, “Do you have to work on Saturday too?”

Enjoying his reaction, I giggled on the inside. “You know I am a very busy woman.”

“What about Sunday?”

Has he really thought I was serious? How cute…

“Don’t worry, my love. I’ll clear my schedule just for you.”

His eyes rolled at me, “Glad to know I have such a thoughtful girlfriend.” He said in a tone laced with sarcasm.

I chuckled, tugging at our entwined hands to cue him to move,  “Then maybe you should treat her better.”

“Do I not treat her well enough?”

“You do, but, she’ll be happier if you let her have your bracelet.” I hinted.

He snorted, looking down at my wrist and back at me, “Say I let you have the bracelet, what do I get in return?”

“Hmm…” I pondered, “Me?”

“What can you do for me?

“Anything.”

“You’ll stay with me tonight?”

“OK.”

He smirked, likingmy offer. “And you’ll let me do anything to you?”

“What will you do to me anyway?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Something that involves lots and lots of orgasms.”

A smug grin spread across my face, “That sounds like a very good deal.”

“After you.” Baekhyun said, opening the door for me.

“Thank you.” I said, stepping into the two-storey cafe.

The smell of freshly baked pastry welcomed me us. I glanced around and noticed a few pairs of curious eyes turning to us, some started to whisper something to their company. I immediately felt out of place in my attire, and knowing that people were talking about it made me feel a little self-conscious.

Sensing my discomfort, Baekhyun pulled me to him and let me stand in front of him in a queue. “What do you feel like eating?” he asked.

I knew he was just trying to distract me and I was thankful for that. I looked down at cake slices sitting insidethe display fridge next to me. There were too many choices that I had a hard time choosing. “Should I order this, this or that one?” I pointed to the strawberry shortcake, mango mousse and tiramisu.

His face appeared next to mine as he stared down at the cakes I was pointing at, and his arm naturally came around me, “We can order three and share.”

“Oh okay.” I mumbled, feeling my heart race at his closeness.

“Next order, please.”

“It’s our turn.” Baekhyun prompted, kissing me on the cheek before letting me go.

At the same instance, my eyes met with a female counter attendant who was eyeing me with slight disgust on her face. “Next order.” she repeated, sounding impatient this time.

Too mortified to face her, I pulled at Baekhyun’s wrist and pushed him forward towards the counter. He glanced back with question in his eyes. I hurriedly whispered to him to order for me before leaving his side to find a table for us.

It was amazing how completely unbothered Baekhyun was. Sometimes I wished I had that attitude in me.

The seats on the first floor were fully occupied. I went upstairs instead. As I reached the second floor, I felt a small relief seeing the almost vacant space with only three tables occupied by two young couples, and a middle-aged lady with her little boy.

I sat in the corner at a table next to the window, waiting for Baekhyun to come up with the cakes. He appeared not too long later, carrying a tray of cakes and drinks. He’d ordered an Espresso for himself and a Latte Macchiato for me. I praised him for ordering the right drink without me having to tell him, though I thought it was a little too late for caffeine. Baekhyun insisted that we needed it to keep us awake. I didn’t need further explanation.

“Why are you rushing?”

“They should be looking for us now, we’ve been away for so long.”

“Your brother knows we’re here.” He said, lifting his phone up to show me the text he had sent to Chanyeol.

“What about your date?”

Baekhyun took a slow sip of his drink before calmly answered tomy question, “I told her that we’re together.”

At that, I choked on my cake and couldn’t stop coughing. Baekhyun pushed a cup of water to my side, suppressing his laughter. I downed the liquid in one go and set the cup down on the table.

“When did you tell her about it?” I asked, giving him the nervous stare.  

“When you were on stage. She asked me to dance but I told her I can’t.”

I frowned, “Why can’t you dance with her?”

“Just holding hands.” He recited my words, “Remember?”

Of course Baekhyun took my words literally. I couldn’t decide if I should be happy or...

“What did she say? Was she upset?” I asked in a hurry.

“She’s pretty cool about it, she said she wasn’t surprised.”

“Wasn’t surprised? What do you mean?”

He shrugged, “No idea. That’s all that she said.

I let out a sigh, yet I wasn’t completely relief. I needed to find a way to explain to her that I wasn’t in any way trying to hurt her. I didn’t want this to destroy our friendship. I might not be as close to her as I was to Soyeon, but that didn’t diminish her value to me.

“Stop worrying about it,” his hand came resting on mine, “I’ve explained everything to her. I’m sure she understands.”

I gave him a small, uncertain smile, “I hope so.”

“Just don’t think too much and enjoy your cake.”

I nodded, eyeing the strawberry shortcake now. I was about to pull the plate to my side when a little boy appeared at next to Baekhyun, staring keenly at the cake. I gave Baekhyun a curious look and he shrugged.

“Want some?” I offered.

The boy hesitated, looking back and forth at the both of us, probably considering if it’s safe to accept foodfrom strangers.

I picked a new set of pastry fork, place it on the plate next to the cake and shoved it forward to him, “You can have it. It’s very yummy.” I smiled.

He was still doubtful.

“Don’t worry, we are not bad guys.” Baekhyun re-assured, patting on his back gently.

The boy finally picked up the fork, and I watched with amusement at how his face lit up as he shoveda piece into his mouth, chewed and swallowed it.

“Like it?” I asked.

He nodded enthusiastically, scooping up another big piece and quickly dove in for another bite. That last piece was too huge for his tiny mouth that he had icingall over his lips.

Chuckling, I grabbed a serviette and leaned over to wipe the mess on his mouth.

The boy stared at my face quietly and his gaze drifted down to my blue dress, then, he turned to look at Baekhyun, “She looks like a princess.”

Baekhyun gaze onme turned deeply affectionate as our eyes met, “She’s my girlfriend.”

I felt a giddy flutter in my tummy. This was the first time Baekhyun introduced me as his girlfriend instead of his sister like how he used to do.

“Your girlfriend is very pretty.” the boy said to Baekhyun again.

I smiled on the inside, wondering if he was too shy to say it to me that he had to tell Baekhyun instead.

Baekhyun hummed in acknowledgment at the compliment, “She’s more than just pretty. She’s perfect.”

I nearly choked from the embarrassment. His cheesy side was one that I loved (oddly but true), and I wouldn’t mind hearing it when there's nobody around.

Baekhyun laughed. His laughter was so infectious that the boy started laughing along with him. I wasn't sure if he understood what he was laughing about.

My cheek blushed furiously as Baekhyun continued teasing me with compliments. Thankfully, the boy’s mother came to my rescue. She apologized profusely upon discovering that his son had finished our cake. We assured her that it’s fine since we were the one who offered it to him but she insisted to pay for the cake. Inthe end, she broughtus two extra cakes and two chocolate croissants, telling us it’s a must-try.

"I don't think I can finish all of these," I told Baekhyun once I finished eating my share of croissant. There were two more cakes left untouched. I didn't like to waste food but I was too full.

“I’ll get the server to wrap it for us.” he said, sliding back in his chair as he stood up.

“Thanks.”

While Baekhyun was downstairs, I went to the toilet to freshen up.

I looked into the mirror and nagged inwardly at myself when I found a chocolate stain on my dress. I unrolled layers of toilet paper, dampened it and wiped the brown stain carefully.

A loud explosion startled me. The sound was later followed by a terror scream coming from the outside. I wasted no time to rush towards the door, but pulling it, the door wouldn’t open. I tried again, it didn’t work. My heart sank. I called out for help and pounded onthe wooden door repeatedly, yet there was no answer, all that I could hear were bloody screams. I paced back and forth in the small confined space, anxiously searching for tools I could use to open the door.

“Sweetheart, are you in there? You need to come out now.”

Baekhyun's voice alerted me and I moved nearer to the door, "I can't get out, it's locked. What’s going on out there?”

“This place is on fire.”

His answer was followed by another sound of explosion. My shoulders jumped at the shock and fear quickly overcame me. I held onto the door handle and started pulling at it frantically. I needed to get out of here.

“Step away from the door.”

Fifteen minutes later…..

Sweats were trickling down my forehead from the heat and the trepidation. I’d lost count of how many times Baekhyun repeatedly crashed himself against the door, trying to knock it down to get me out of here. But the door wouldn’t open and the scariest part was, I was starting to lose hope. As much as I feared to be left alone to die, I couldn’t let him stay with me any longer. He’d been out there inhaling far too much smoke. He’d die too if he didn't leave.

“Baekhyun.”

He wasn’t listening.

“Baekhyun. Stop." I begged, my voice broke and I was nearly in tears.

He did and we were left with the soundof blazing fire. My heart was slamming hard against my ribcage and I inhaled a long deep breath, mustering every ounce of courage left to say what I was about to say.

“You need to get out of this place.” I tried to sound tough but my voice came out just as hopeless as I felt.

“No!” he refused strongly, voice loud and determined, “I’m not leaving you alone.”

And just as determined as his words were, he continued crashing and slamming himself against the door, each time harder than the last. My chest hurt so bad thinking of how much pain he had to endure just to saveme.  

Suddenly, the smell of burning oak hit my nose and stared down with horror as I saw wispy fingers of white smoke seeping in through the gap beneath the door. My knees almost buckled seeing how the smoke crept in, traveled up and spread in the air

“Baekhyun, please listen to me.” I begged, panic filling my voice.

He still wouldn’t listen.

“You have to leave now. I will be okay.” I convinced, "The firemen will arrive soon and they'll come and save me.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes as I said that because honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d still be alive by then.

“Please stop, I don't want you to die because of me.” my voice broke as my tears flowed freely. The thought of me dying had scared me, but the thought of himdying had terrified me to my very soul.

“No one is going to die.” He persisted. “I’ll get you out of there.”

Baekhyun did as he promised. With one hard slam, he managed to shove the door open and stumbled inside. His eyes found me, in no time, I was in his arms, hugging him tight

“Are you okay?” He pulled back, staring at me with deep concern filling his eyes.

"I'm okay, what about you?" I asked, making a quick scan from his head down to his toe. I felt more than relief that he wasn't injured, "Let’s get out of here.”

Baekhyun glanced around the toilet and headed towards the sink. He shrugged off his jacket, dunk it into the sink and jerk at the faucet, letting the water soak the fabric. “Go and wet your dress with water, quick.” he directed.

I did as told, hurrying into the toilet cubicles, reaching for the bidet and started spraying water all over myself. Baekhyun came in not too long later to help.

"Ready?" he asked once we were all set.

For all I knew, we might or might not survive the blaze. If there’s one thing I regretted, I regretted those years I wasted not telling him how I truly felt. Now that we only had hours, maybe minutes, to be together, I wanted him to know that I loved him, even if it’s a little too late.

"Thank you for staying back for me.” I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you and I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you that.”

Baekhyun leaned back so he could look into my eyes, “Say that to me again when we are out of here.” he said it as if he knew everything would be just fine.

“But we might not-.” I trailed off. Saying it out made it even more frightening than it already was.

"We will," he said confidently. “We will survive this.”

With that, I gained a little courage. Baekhyun had always been right. This time, I hope he’s right too.

“If we made it out of here alive,” I said, “I’m marrying you, Baekhyun.” I wasn't kidding. "I'll be the one to propose.”

That's a promise because I told myself if I were able to survive this, I'd be able to do anything.

The corner of his lips curled into an amused grin. One that managed to grant me hope in such a hopeless situation.

“We’re getting married, baby.” He promised.

And I prayed so hard that we will.

Even though we managed to escape the fire, Baekhyun had unfortunately sustained a second-degree burn on his left arm caused by the falling debris. We were rushed to the ER and he was treated in the trauma room at the moment.

By right, I wasn’t supposed to be in here. A few nurses had tried to drag me out but I wouldn’t budge. At last, they gave up and allowed me to stay next to Baekhyun so long as I remained calm.

The pungent smell of disinfectant, in which I’d describe as the smell of death, brought uneasiness down the pit of my stomach. Sitting on a chair next to the gurney, I kept my eyes trained on the blisters on Baekhyun’s forearm. They were excruciating and my gut wrenched just by the look of it.

“I’m going to scrub the wound on your arm and peel off the dead skin. You might want to take a deep breath first.” the nurse instructed, causing my stomach to twist unpleasantly.

I reached for Baekhyun’s hand and held it tight. He turned to look at me and still managed a smile despite the pain he was enduring. “Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.” he ensured.

“This is going to sting just a little,” the nurse said before landing the tip of the forceps on his blistered skin.

I knew by a little, she meant the opposite.

Baekhyun dropped his head to my shoulder, his grip on my wrist turned bruising as he roared in pain. I reached behind him and ran my hand up and down his back soothingly. My chest hurt so bad I could barely breathe. Nothing hurts deeper than watching your loved one suffers yet unable to do anything to help.

“Can you give him something to ease his pain?” I begged the nurse.

“I’m sorry but Mr. Byun is allergic to pain medication.” she said, sympathy masking her eyes as she spoke.

Baekhyun lifted his head from my shoulder, his chest heaving and beads of sweat were trickling down his neck. I sighed helplessly and brushed his hair from his face. The anguish onhis face was piercing through me. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered, tears burning in my eyes.

Noting that I was about to start weeping, Baekhyun frowned. “I’m not letting you sit here if you’re gonna cry.”

I returned his frown with a deeper one, “You’re weird. Why am I not allowed to cry?” I said, fighting back the tears in my eyes. (just in case he kicked me out of here, he might, who knew).

He quirked an eyebrow at me, “Will your crying help with my pain?”

“It won’t but-“

“Then there’s no need to cry.”

“Nonsense.” I argued, “It’s only natural to feel sad or cry when someone you love is in pain.”

A slow smile forming on his lips, “You love me huh?” he asked.

Silly man.“Of courseI do.”

“You are right, of courseyou do, I saved your life.” Baekhyun said smugly.

“And I’m thankful for that.”

“You shouldbe, I saved your life.”

I rolled my eyes at his bragging, “You are going to use that to your advantage aren’t you?”

“Of course. I saved your life.” he said it again.

“I believe you’ve said that three times, Sir.”

My gaze moved to the nurse who had just joined our little argument, “Thank you.” I mouthed to her, giggling.

Baekhyun shot me a glare for laughing, “How dare you. I saved your life.”

“Four times, sir.” she reminded.

I really liked her...

Baekhyun parted his mouth, about to mutter something, but a loud hiss left through his clenched teeth. "Shit, that hurt like a bitch." he grimaced.

Feeling my heart ached at his pain, I brushed the back of my thumb across his knuckles comfortingly.

“We are almost done here,” the nurse informed. “I’m just going to apply an antibiotic onyour skin to prevent infection. You’re not going to feel a thing, I promise.”

With a heavy sigh, Baekhyun slumped back against the pillow.

Relief moved through me as I stared deeply at the man who had just risked his own life to save mine. He looked exhausted and I felt sorry he had to go through such pain because of me. No amount of words could ever be enough to express my love and gratitude for him, not only for saving me today, but for the countless time he stepped in to rescue me from dangerous situations since I was little.

Always and forever fighting my battle for me.

Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his forehead, “I can never thank you enough for what you did.”

“Don’t need to thank me, you just have to marry me.” he said, a tinged of amusement in his voice.

I couldn’t tell if he was being serious but I wasn’t kidding when I said, “I’ll marry the hell out of you, Byun Baekhyun.”

That got him to smile. And naturally, I smiled too.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” the nurse chimed in, earning our attention. “How long have you two been together?” she asked.

“Just for a day.” I answered honestly.  

She gazed at me in disbelief, “No way.”

“She’s telling the truth.” Baekhyun convinced. “We just got together this morning.”

“But you two look like you’ve known each other for life.” she remarked. “And you’re already talking about getting married?”

“You’re right, we’ve known each other for life,” Baekhyun agreed, then I saw a glint of mischief in the back of his eyes before he said, “She’s my sister.”

The nurse was struck mute by his revelation. Eyes and mouth agape as she stared back forth at the both of us.

”My best friend'ssister I mean.” Baekhyun clarified, snorting loudly at her dumb-founded expression.

“Thank God,” she muttered sarcastically, “I was planning to file a police report.”

At her remarks, Baekhyun threw his head back and burst into deep laughter. The nurse giggled along with him while dressing a bandage on his injured arm. I was last to join the bubble.

Frankly, I didn't find that funny at all, but I felt warm all over at the sight of Baekhyun laughing again. Happy that he was no longer in pain, happy that he was safe, happy that we were together.

One week later...

“Baekhyun,” I whispered into his ear, tugging lightly on his t-shirt. 

He made a little groan of protest under his breath, turning away to give me his back.

I grip his shoulder and pull him back so he’s lying supine. “Baekhyun, wake up,” I try again, tugging a little harder than before.

His arm moved to cover his eyes as he groaned. “What time is it?” He asked sleepily.

“Four.”

He removes his hand to stare at me in disbelief. “Are you crazy?” 

“No, I’m not. Wake up,” I urge. 

He finally propped himself up by the elbows. “What do you need?”

I smiled at him. “I love you.”

There’s a pause where he narrowed his eyes at me, then he finally mutters, “You’re definitely crazy.”

My lower lips jut forward in a pout. “Can you at least say it back?”

His eyes softened and he reached out to cup my face. “I love you too, baby, but it's four freaking a.m.” 

“But there’s something I want to say to you,” I told him enthusiastically. 

“This better be important.” 

“So, I was thinking, since we both love each other very much and we’re both so perfect for each other. Isn't it a good idea to, you know, get married?”

He gives a bark of laughter. “Are you proposing to me right now?” He asked. You nodded in response. A flicker of mischief flashed in his eyes as he realized what this was about. “Come on baby, you can do better than that. Why don’t you try again?” 

Now that he is fully awake, I was suddenly feeling shy. “Uhh, will you...” I hesitated, my cheek growing red. “Will you marry me?” I finally say with a small voice. 

He pursed his lips, contemplating. “Uh, shouldn't you be getting down on one knee when you propose?”

I grabbed a pillow from my side and threw it at him. He caught it with a bark of laughter. I grumble. “You are just being annoying, Baekhyun.” 

His brows went skyward in a teasing way. “Do you want to marry me or what?” 

I slumped back against the mattress and rolled to my side, giving him my back. “Just go back to sleep.”

“I’m not sleepy.” He said, a hint of smile in his voice. 

“You were sleepy just a few seconds ago,” I said, huffing in annoyance. 

“But I’m not anymore. Come on baby, try again.”

Two weeks later...

 Christmas Eve-05:30pm.

Weeks had passed since the fire incident at the cafe. Aside from the injury on Baekhyun’s arm, we were both very alive and well.

That night, Chanyeol and Soyeon arrived at the hospital just as the nurse was done treating Baekhyun's arm. We had completely forgotten about the wedding and missed to inform them about the accident. They were upset, worried upset, and still very upset at us for not letting them know earlier. In the end, we forgo the chance to share the news about our relationship and decided to wait until today. We agreed it was the right time since everyone would be present. Not sure how my brother would react but I wasn't afraid anymore. Maybe it was the near-death experience that made me a little braver than I used to be. It did change my perspective and made me realize how fragile life could be.  

I was spending my afternoon at my parent’s house, helping them prepare for the gathering tonight. My only duty was to clean up the place. My mom could no longer trust me with the cooking task after I nearly exploded her oven last year while attempting to bake brownies.

Once I finished my chores and the house was immaculate, I headed back into the kitchen. Leaning back against the counter, I watched as my mom busied herself with her signature shepherd's pie. The house was unusually quiet that afternoon. My dad had gone to the grocery stores to stock up on snacks and drinks. My brother was out for lunch with Soyeon and her parents. Meanwhile, Baekhyun was visiting his parents in his hometown. He’d been away for three days and would be back tonight in time for the dinner.  

Baekhyun: I'll be there around 6.    05:35PM

Me: Noted.    05:35PM✓

Baekhyun: See you soon.   05:36PM

Me: Ok.    05:36PM✓

Baekhyun: Love you.    05:36PM

Me: Thank you.    05:37PM✓

Baekhyun: WTF     05:37PM

Me:   ;-) 05:37PM✓

Christmas Eve-9:45pm.

The dining room was empty once everyone left the table and moved to the sitting room. Since no one volunteered to help with the kitchen duty, I had to do it all by myself. Not that I was complaining, but again, no one loved doing the dishes.

For not once I thanked God for the men who created the dishwasher. After loading the life-saving machine with bowls, plates, and the cutleries, I went on to hand-wash the mugs, cups and those that couldn’t go in.

Minutes into my lonely chore, Soyeon walked into my mum’s kitchen, humming a tune I didn’t recognize.

“Please tell me you’re here to help.” I begged, turning my head towards her.

“Nah.” she muttered offhandedly as she moved past behind me to get to the fridge.

“Your lack of consideration is fantastic.” I rolled my eyes at her back as she held the handle open.

“I need soda.”

“There’s no soda,” I said as I continued washing the mug in my hand. “We have lager though.”

“But I’m craving for coke.” she whined, closing the fridge just as I turned my head to look at her again.

“Wine?” I suggested.

“No.”

That’s odd...I narrowed my eyes, “You never said no to wine."

There was a pause before she revealed, “I’m pregnant.”

The mug slipped from my grip and fell into the sink with a loud clank, “You’re PREGNANT?” I asked hysterically.

Soyeon raised her finger to her lips, gesturing me to keep my voice down.

“You are pregnant?” I asked again, softer this time. She nodded to my question. “Like pregnant pregnant?”

“Is there any other type of pregnant?” she quipped, grinning.

“Oh my god. Congratulations.” my face beamed a thousand colors, “How pregnant are you?”

I meant to ask how many months was she into pregnancy but I was too thrilled I couldn’t form a proper sentence.

She snorted at my question, "What's the scale?”

"One to nine."

"Two."

“Does Chanyeol know?"

“I’m going to surprise him later."

I cooed, imagining how thrilled my brother would be. He loved kids to bits. "Is that your Christmas gift for him?"

She nodded, smoothing her hand over her tummy as she stared down at it lovingly. I was so happy for her I nearly teared.

“Can I hug you? I really want to hug you.” I pleaded.

She glanced up, eyes drifted from my wet lathery hands to my face, contemplating.

“No, thanks.” she said eventually.

I jutted my lips forward grumpily, “Mean.”

“Bye.” she patted on my bump before dissapearingfrom my mum’s kitchen.

Back to being alone but feeling a whole lot brighter this time, I picked up the mug I had just dropped and started humming happily as I did my chore. When I was nearly finished, someone else sneaked into the kitchen causing the skin on my neck to prickle.

I knew it was him just by the sound of his footsteps.

Excitement danced wildly in my belly. He stopped a few meters away from me, and then he just stood there and stared at my back silently.

“I can feel you there, Baekhyun.” I muttered without looking back.

Then, his footsteps came closer and they drew intoa halt when the warmth of his sturdy chest met with my back. My heart pounded hard and fast. I gasped softly as he slid his arms around me, “Need my help?” his low voice whispered in my ear.

“A little too late, don’t you think?” I said, already washing the last mug.

Soon as I placed the mug down on the drying rack, he twirled me around and pressed closer to me. Two hands moved to cup my face and he welcomed me with a deep loving kiss on my lips.

Suffused with contentment, I sighed into his mouth, slid my hands up around his neck and kissed him back with all the love in the world. We didn’t even care about getting caught anymore, well, they’d find out soon anyway.

“You have no idea how much I missed you" he murmured against my lips.

I was going to tell him how much I’ve missed him too but he started dusting butterfly kisses all over my face, eliciting giggles from me.

"Baekhyun," I smoothed my hand over his chest and pushed him back gently. He stopped and stared down at me with amusement flittering in his eyes. "How did the talk with your parents go?” I asked.

He brushed a strand of hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear, “They got the shock of their life when I told them we’re getting married.” he said.

“I figured too.”

Who wouldn’t be? We’d been together for less than a month and already the talk about marriage. It was too quick, I agreed, but taking into account our history, and the fact that we loved each other to bits, why bother taking it slow? Life is short, take a chance.Marrying Baekhyun was a chance worth taking. He’d be the most wonderful chance I'd ever take.

“Were your parents against it?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he smiled, “In fact, they couldn’t stop bugging me about wanting to meet their daughter-in-law.”

Heart blooming, my cheek flushed and I burst into a shy smile.

His gaze on me softened, filled with warmth and tenderness, “I wish you were there with me.”

“I know.” I heaved a regretful sigh, “I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”

Baekhyun and I were supposed to go on this trip together. I’d even requested for annual leave and it had been approved. But our plan was canceled when my boss called to inform that the company was short of staff and that they needed me at the office.

“It’s alright.” he consoled, “We’ll plan a visit again soon, and we'll visit my grandparents too.”

”Oh yeah!” I chirped.

As usual, my excitement over his grandmother’s house amused him, “Since you are so obsessed with my grandmama’s house-“ he said, hand digging into the pocket of his jeans. My eyes followed the movement of his hand. “This is for you.”

A key.

I looked up from his hand, puzzled, “You’ve passed me your spare key, remember?”

”I know.”

”So? what’s this?”

”I should’ve asked you first before I decided to buy it." he said apologetically, "I hope you are not mad.”

“You bought a house." I deduced. "Where?"

He bobbed his head, ”At Dolphin Island."

I was so speechless I couldn't say a thing.

Baekhyun chuckled at my astonishment, "It's a villa just a few blocks away from my grandparent’s beach house.”

Still speechless...

“I thought it would be great to have our own place to stay whenever we visit.” he said, “In the future when we have kids, we should bring them along too.”

Overwhelmed with joyful emotions, I enveloping him in a big tight hug and kissed both sides of his cheek. He shook in laughter against me, burying his face in my neck.

”How many kids do you want?” I pulled back to ask, likingthis conversation about our future.

He shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. As long as it’s ours, I’m happy.”

"Why do you have to be so perfect, Mr. Byun?"

My words pleased him very much that he smirked, “Can't help that I'm born this way, Mrs. Byun."

"Mrs. Byun huh?"

"Soon to be," he said surely, "Let's go tell yourbrother now."

"Right now?"

"Right now." Baekhyun asserted, backing away from me.

Before he took my hand and pulled me away with him, I clenched the sleeve of his sweater and pulled him back to me. "Wait."

He quirked an eyebrow, "Are we waiting til' next Christmas?"

"Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll stay together."

His gaze on me softened. And as a promise, he leaned forward and kiss me on the forehead. “Always and forever.” he vowed.

I smiled up into his beautiful eyes, and as always, feeling fulfilled that  I’d found a lover, a confidant anda home in this man.

“I love you." I whispered earnestly.

For a while, I waited for him to return the three words, but instead, he turned his back to me and walked away.

"Love you?" I repeated.

"Thank you."

Huffing in annoyance, I reached for a washcloth and tossed it to his back. "Asshole."

His steps halted and he looked over his shoulder.

”What?" I said, two brows raising in defiance.

A slow devilish grin spread across his face, “We're screwing like a teenager tonight."

Christmas Eve-10:30pm

"Ready?"

I nodded.

With our hands intertwined, we walked into the sitting room where everyone was gathered. The TV was on and all eyes were fixed on the screen. Hana, seated in between my parents, was first to notice our appearance and her eyes drifted down to our hands before she looked back at us. Confused, she nudged her elbows on my mum and dad's arms and nodded in our direction. My parents looked clueless as well.

Soyeon was next to lift her head from Chanyeol's shoulder and looked at us. Once she understood what's going on, she turned to the man next to her. Chanyeol was unaware and she smacked him hard across his arm, causing his body to jump in complete shock, eyes widened.Baekhyun chuckled next to me and I tried my best to hold my laughter.

"What was that for?" Chanyeol whined, frowning at her.

She grinned, grabbing his face and turned his face towards us.

Tension permeated the air now that everyone was staring at us, eagerly and anxiously waiting for our announcement. This was more nerve-wracking than I imagined it would be.

”Chanyeol,” Baekhyun started. “You are like a family to me and I know years ago I’ve made a promise to you that I will never date your little sister.”

There’s a momentary silence that caused my heart slammed harder against my ribcage. I squeezed his hand tighter and held my breath.

“I’m sorry I have to break that promise now.”

Chanyeol frowned, his eyes shifting from Baekhyun to me, and then to Baekhyun again, “What are you talking about?”

“I love your sister, Chanyeol. I've loved her for a very long time now. And I-“

“You sick bastard.” my brother’ voice roared across the room as he rose from the couch, his hands fisting on his sides.

Taken aback by his anger, everyone in the room turned wide-eyed. Never had I ever seen my brother this furious before, it's as if he was possessed.

“Listen-"

My brother’s tall figure prowled towards us until he stood face to face with Baekhyun, his jaw clenched and his glare at Baekhyun was menacing. Panic rippled through me when he had Baekhyun by his throat. My body acted on reflex and I moved to step in between the two male, “You should calm down, Chanyeol.” I confounded, pressing my palm to his chest.

“Get the hell out of my way.” he barked, scaring me so much that I flinched away.

Suddenly I was standing behind Baekhyun's back as he lunged forward on my defense, “Don't you dare talk to her like that ever again." he warned, tension vibrating from his body.

When I peered through his shoulder, Soyeon was already standing close to my brother, one hand resting on his shoulder, “Hey, you really need to calm down.”

"Shut the fuck up." he snapped, riping her hand away roughly.  

My jaw clenched and I was about to step in to defend my best friend, but Baekhyun held me back. My eyes instinctively searched for my parents, but I was bewildered when I found out how unbothered they seemed to be. My mum had his arms tangled around my sister, while my dad was lying back with his legs and arms crossed.

"Are you guys just going to sit there watch?" I chastised, frowning deeply at them.

Three of them shrugged.

Annoyed by their lack of concern, I huffed and glanced back at Soyeon. From the fury in her eye, I knew she wasn't going to let my brother get away so easily.

I was right.

Her next move sucked the soul out of me. I had no idea where did the glass of water in her hand came from, everything happened too quickly, the next thing I knew, my brother had water splashed all over his face.

My brother looked completely lost, but in a jiffy, he returned to being enraged again.

I thought I heard Baekhyun sniggered but maybe I heard it wrong because when I looked at him, his expression was still tense.

“What the hell is your problem?” Chanyeol growled.

Urged by the need to stop the fight before it turned nastier, I pushed past Baekhyun and marched towards the couple. As I reached, Soyeon had this knowing smile spreading across her face, then out of the blue, she announced,

“I am pregnant."

Chanyeol blinked in perplexity, then he leaned forward and whisper in her ear, “Babe, that’s not part of the script.”

Script?

"I know it's not in the script, but I'm really pregnant," she whispered back.

They probably thought I couldn't hear them but I could, and I was confused. 

“What are you talking a-”

Chanyeol’s word was being cut short by my mom's dramatic entry, “Did you just say you're pregnant?"

Soyeon turned to my mum with a smile and a nod.

"Oh my god!" she shouted in victory as he looked over to my dad's side, "We're having a grandchild, honey."

"Congratulations." Hana and Dad said concurrently.

"Thank you."

However, Chanyeol wasn’t fully convinced yet. He took a step closer and stared down skeptically at his girlfriend, “Are you joking? Because if you are, babe, that’s cruel.”

She giggled, “I’m not joking, darling. there’s a baby in here.” she convinced, rubbing her palm over her belly, “Our baby.”

With his lips falling agape, Chanyeol stared down at her stomach, then back at her face. Their eyes locked and there’s this silent conversation going on between them before Chanyeol finally believed. An elated smile spread across his face. In one rapid motion, Soyeon was in his arm as he lifted her feet off the ground and spun her around. She clung to his neck and squealed with delight. As he lowered her down, he cupped her tiny face in his big hands, "I fucking love you, Jung Soyeon." he whispered before leaning down to kiss her lips.

The sight of their happiness warmed me through and through. It was such a beautiful distraction that for a moment I'd completely forgotten about the chaos we had earlier. Now that I remembered, I twisted my head around to look at Baekhyun for an answer.

And there he stood, arms crossing over his chest as he gazed at me with that signature smirk resting on his lips.

That was when I realized I'd been fooled.

Christmas Eve-11:38pm.

The eventful gathering ended with me jokingly threatening my family that they were not invited to my wedding. And for some reason, Baekhyun was under a wrong impression that I was changing my mind about wanting to marry him. As a form of retaliation for the prank he pulled on me, and also because I was enjoying his panic very much, I decided to remain silent.

As we bimbled down the pathway in a quiet park, I ignored him for a good ten minutes. For that good ten minutes, he talked and he couldn't stop. It was until he pulled the 'I saved your life'card on me that I finally spoke up. Partly because a tiny fraction of me felt guilty, but mostly because I loved him so much that ignoring him became such a difficult task.

We spent the next twenty minutes strolling around the park with him chattering away and memostly listened. This place used to be our playground when we were both young.

When we walked past a bench under a willow tree, I remembered having a crush on him for the first time there.

And then, I led him up the bridge over a water lilies pond in the center of the park. There, we stood behind the railing and stared out into the calm water.

Eight years ago, on the same day and right at the very same spot, was the day I knew I loved him.

That was why I decided to take him here tonight because when the clock stroke twelve, I was going to propose to him. The idea had been stuck in my head since the day he saved me from the fire. It was my Christmas gift for him and also my way to repay him for all the good things he had done for me.

"It's getting cold sweetheart, should we go now?" he asked, huddling closer to me.

I stared down at my wristwatch that said two minutes before midnight, “Let’s stay here just for a bit."

”We can come back in the morning when it’s not freezing, I don'twant you to get sick.” he advised, adjusting the scarf around my neck.

”Just one more minute.”

”Fine. One minute and I’m dragging you away.”

I nodded and started counting backward from sixty. When I reached zero, I turned to his side. Slowly, I lowered myself on one knee and looked up.

His brows furrowed as he dropped his gaze to me, “Wha-”

“You are my best friend, Baekhyun. Always and forever will be.” I said and inhaled deeply. “I loved you since I was fourteen and that feeling never stopped growing...I doubt it will ever stop because you are too perfect you made it so hard not to love you...You are too perfect that sometimes I get worried I’ll never be enough for you.”

I smiled shyly, feeling vulnerable and a little frightened, but, they eased away as Baekhyun gazed down at me with a growing tenderness that calmed me.

“I know you deserve all the best in the world, but I’m nowhere near that. And I know that I will never pass as a good wife material because I can’t cook and will likely burn the house if I tried.” I said, scoffing at my own words.

While watching him chuckled at my confession, I tucked my hand into the pocket of my coat.

“There’s nothing I can give you other than me and my promise to love you forever as long as I’m living...and I am not sure whether that’s good enough for you, but if it is,” pulling my hand out, I held the ring up to him. “Will you take me as I am and marry me, Byun Baekhyun?”

THE END

A/N: Hiiii, thank you for reading even though it’s so lenghty! That’s chapter 5-8 combined. I hope you enjoyed it! I personally love the part where she proposed 💕 It’d be nice if you could leave your thoughts in my ask!! Thank you💕😚

[queen--sherlock]

intimate nights -- chapter 1

chapter 1: washing up to the shore

hey guys! thank you SO much for motivating me to write aaa i haven’t written anything in almost four years so forgive me if im a lil rusty but i’ll do my best !! 🥺 i imagined this as ben!rog but can be just rog in any era but modern setting x actress!reader !! hehe

this short series would have around 10-ish chapters so i hope you guys enjoy! 🥺 here we gOOOOOO

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The Rising Queen of Hollywood,  ___________ is featured in a new heartache-inducing, bittersweet movie titled Intimate Nights partnered with Richard Jones as her leading man. Set in the beautiful  island of Santorini, ________ and Jones are expected to steal and break the hearts of many with heartbreak, lovemaking, and powering through rocky relationships.

Fans can also expect a regal musical score with the director of Intimate Nights revealing a once-in-a-lifetime collaboration with Queen’s drummer, Roger Taylor for creative input and other surprising musical acts to further entice you to watch this blockbuster in the making.

Intimate Nights is due for a release Valentines next year. “And … scene! That’s a wrap for Intimate Nights and we’re headed for post prod!”

The crew and all the actors celebrated for joy, culminating their year of hard work with the movie that is very much anticipated. The magnitude of anticipation grows every month as the release date comes closer and fans are eager to see _________ and Richard on screen.

“Hey, _____! That was fantastic, I can’t believe filming’s over!” Richard approached you and welcomed you in his arms, giving you a warm embrace. The both of you have shared a lot in the past year you’ve worked together, even getting paired up as a rumor which both of you quickly denied.

“I know, it all happened so fast. You were a great partner, it would be lovely to celebrate with everyone, too!” You said until Richard abruptly stopped hugging you with an excited look on his face.

“But you know what I’m more excited about? The drummer of Queen is going to post prod with us, he’ll be working on the musical score and I’m fucking pumped!”

Your heart almost jumped at the thought of getting to meet your lifelong crush, Roger Taylor. The infamous drummer of Queen has been collecting hearts ever since they rose to fame, collecting your heart was an easy task. Your rising fame does not change that especially now that you get to work with him indirectly.

       A few days has passed with the studio being slowly cleaned and sorted out after filming is done, you and Richard got called by the director to check out some scenes which you want to be included and others will be offered in the director’s cut. Being in the studio makes you a little drained and you got coffee for yourself and everyone else.

“Do you guys have any requests? Sugar? Cream?” You asked with collective answers that blurred along as you heard them, briefly taking notes who ordered what.

“Rog’s would be black, ______! He’s running a little late, ran into some LA traffic!” The director chuckled and made you blush as you ran off to the nearby coffee shop you always order from.

Taking your time with ordering and walking back to the studio hides the real reason why you’re not in a hurry to get back because you want to be presentable and composed the moment you see Roger.

“Ah, there she is!"

Richard announced which prompted the director and Roger to look at you, making you blush. The Roger Taylor is looking at you and is seating at your designated chair with your name on it.

“The lovely owner of this chair finally arrives with coffee, I can swear I am one step closer to heaven with the scent of beans from miles away.” Roger grins and helps you distribute the coffee to Richard and the Director. “It’s also a plus to be sitting in the chair of the most beautiful actress in this room.”

“Roger, I’m the only actress in the room right now.” You laughed and his grin widens.

“That’s perfectly fine by me!”

       After choosing the scenes that you want to include and can let go off in the movie, Richard excused himself to be able to attend to a previously planned appointment. Roger and the Director are busy thinking of the most perfect and fitting music scores in the climax wherein you started falling asleep. 

“__________?” Roger shook you awake, with a sorry smile on his face. He probably feels guilty now for waking you up but it’s perfectly fine by showing it with a smile and stretching it at the same time.

“Hey, I’m sorry for falling asleep on you guys. What happened?” You sat up and looked for the Director which was nowhere to be found and finding yourself covered with a jacket.

“If you’re looking for the Director then he actually went out a couple of hours ago, he forgot it’s their anniversary with their partner.” Roger chuckled and you shook your head because it is really something that sounds like the Director.

“Say, ________. Are you free for the night? My creative director won’t be coming in as well and I would really love to get a second opinion especially from someone heavily involved in the movie.” Seeing this as an opportunity to get to know Roger, you agreed. It is also a chance for you to see what you have missed out on when you got the chance to sleep which you have been lacking for the past few days.

Roger lead you back to the booth wherein you get to see the movie coming to life alongside some pieces he already made to accompany some specific scenes.

“I’m sorry for ending up falling asleep, getting to rest has been a task I need to catch up on.” You profusely apologized and Roger just smiled kindly.

“S'alright, the Director told me to let you sleep since the last few days of filming were quite hectic.” You couldn’t agree more, knowing that the last few days were tiring, emotional, and just wanting to finish the entire project which got everyone a little bit on edge. He went inside the studio and talked to you through the mic installed there.

“Can you hear me, love?” Roger’s voice boomed and you gave a thumbs up. “Splendid!”

The studio was where Roger was meant to be in. He moved gracefully in between speakers, stepped over wires languidly, handling instruments with utmost care and played it with precision. He is widely known as the drummer but he was obviously more than being behind the percussions. Roger is multitalented which he displays effortlessly inside the studio, playing the drums, the guitar, and singing a few lines to accompany the melody.

“You sound wonderful and sing beautifully, Roger!” You exclaimed with awe and he animates a very exaggerated bow which you laughed at. “Such a shame I’ve only heard you singing and playing the drums at the same time which pales the talent you have for singing.”

“Thank you, love. And call me Rog, please. Roger makes me sound way too old.” Rog chuckles and you smiled at him. Old? His barely grey locks looked amazing on him, his hair a little ruffled but it suits him just fine.

“Would you want to have a delivery for dinner? I am nearing starvation.” He teased with a pout, making you laugh. The atmosphere between you two completely light and friendly which is something you never expected. Truth be told, you expected him to be someone that the media portrayed him to be. According to media, Rog is the notorious Rockstar, always rambunctious in parties together with Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of the band, wild on the sheets, drummer with a temper, and just altogether a hot mess, literally and figuratively.

“Delivery? We can just get dinner in a restaurant. I know a place by the Bay—”

“Slow down, love. You want to dine me already?” Roger smirked and you smirked back in return. “You’re just shy I’m asking you first, Rog.”

Rog laughed wholeheartedly. He cannot believe you’re matching his game when other girls would just blush the living daylights out.

“You’re a delight, _________. As much as I would love to accept your offer for dinner, I need to practice and get the right tune for your movie.” He said apologetically and gestured at the studio. “That’s alright, we can just get Chinese takeout for now.” You said, instantly craving and already started ordering before Roger protested.

“You didn’t even ask if I like Chinese, love.”

“You don’t have a choice. What do you like?”“Fried rice, spring rolls and shrimp dumplings, please.”

        You spent the rest of the night listening to Roger playing around the instruments and responding to his questions which is a better tune or melody, the chords that sounds better, suggesting whether to focus on one instrument over the other, this or that and it goes on until it is almost midnight and you notice other offices in the entire studio compound closing already.

“Rog, it’s getting really late so I think we should start packing up.” You reminded him through the microphone and he looks up at you from the booth.

“What, that late already?” You started packing up, ensuring you won’t forget anything in the studio. Your chauffeur is also out of commission with him taking a leave for a month which means you only drive by yourself or walk to your apartment which is just a few blocks away.

Roger closed the lights and all the machines inside the booth and he grabbed his jacket from the couch that you were sleeping on this afternoon. The same jacket you woke up to.

“Oh! I didn’t realize that was yours, thank you for letting me use it.” You said and he rolled his eyes dramatically.

“I was forced to do so! Imagine a beautiful lady sleeping on the couch, she might get cold.”

You laughed, never imagining you will get a compliment from the Roger Taylor himself. A few weeks ago, you learned that you were going to meet your crush and music idol and even prepared for the day to come and when the day finally did, you were floored with how much you wanted to know him more as a person and eventually become friends.

“How are you going home, Rog?” You asked while the both of you cleaned the place up and throwing your Chinese takeout boxes and drinks.

“Oh! I brought my car with me, I got stuck in traffic, remember?” Roger said, “And you?”

“I’m just going to walk back to my place since it’s near.”

Roger whipped his head back to you so fast you can only laugh with the possible whiplash he would’ve gotten. “Are you dead serious? I’ll give you a lift!”

“I’m good, my place might even be out of the way for you and I wouldn’t want to impose.” You replied and he sighed.

“Alright, if you say so. Here, type your number on my phone so I can call you if you get to your flat safe.” Roger said and you were relieved that he didn’t even put up a fight to bring you home. Walking alone at night is relaxing but you have to admit, you did not expect to stay out this late in the studio and did not bring your car, besides, there’s a first time for everything. You typed in your number on Roger’s phone and saved it as “creative director 🤪”.

“What did you save your name as?” Roger inquired and you smirked. “Creative director with a wacky emoji for a little attitude.”

The both of you laughed as you slowly walked out of the studio and headed for the parking lot, wanting to see Roger off first before you go on your way. The mood was quite relaxing, the quiet comforted you both after hours spent inside the studio with blaring melodies of sorts, the gentle spring breeze giving a breath of fresh air as winter slowly fades, and a new found friend in each other’s company.

“Since I got your number already, let me give you a lift home.” Roger smirked which bewildered you. Here you thought he would’ve let you walk alone but the point of you typing your number was simply to have it.

“That’s not playing fair, Rog. I’m really fine to walk by myself.” You said and he crossed his arms, matching the smug look on his face.

“Like you said awhile ago and I quote, “You don’t have a choice.” Get in the car, love.”

You sighed. This might be the first time you’re walking alone late at night but you are admittedly scared as well but of course, you will not tell that. After a few seconds, you abide and get in the car with Roger laughing and saying to himself, “Gotcha, gotcha.”

The interior of Roger’s car was breathtakingly beautiful, not to mention it is already beautiful on the exterior. It is also well known that Roger loves his cars especially sport cars with beautiful, personalized interiors.

“Your car is beautiful, Rog. Thank you for giving me a ride despite me wanting to walk home.” You teased but still thankful nonetheless.

“Not another word about that, ______, it’s the least I can do for you staying out so late with me. Give me your address?”

You directed him to your apartment a few blocks away and he complimented what a wonderful place you got and a smart decision to stay near the studio to lessen the hassle.

“Yeah, I hate LA traffic and getting stuck in it is not a good experience. I was once late for almost an hour for a shoot! Funny thing is we were all late due to the traffic anyway.” You quipped and he laughed. That was one of the deciding factors for you to move closer to the studio and be a little nearer to the city lights. “Where do you live, Rog?”

“I have a mini house located by the beach, actually. Pretty great view at night but sometimes gets a little loud. It’s where I stay when I’m in the city.” Roger explained yearnfully, “Love seeing the sun rise and set, something London barely has.”

“What do you have?”

“Fog, fish and chips, pubs, and more fog.” He jokes and you laughed. Living in Los Angeles indeed have its perks such as the sunshine and occasional beach trips but it is something you cannot envision for the long run. It’s a beautiful city, no doubt, but the idea of eventually retiring and living somewhere a little more quiet is very much enticing to you.

“Well, I would trade to that for even just a day here. When summer comes in LA, it is very humid!” You complained and he laughed, shaking his head. While the both of you were talking, you just started to notice Roger’s Chinese takeout boxes were in the compartment near the gear stick.

“Rog, you didn’t get to finish your dinner?” You asked and surprised to see it was barely touched with only one dumpling and spring roll missing. “You must be starving!”

“Now that you mention it,” Roger said, he laughed and felt his stomach grumble, “I am famished.”

“You can go up to my place if you like, I can heat up your food for you and you can eat there. It’s the least I can do for you since you drove me home.”

“My, my, asking me out for a dinner date and then asking me to come over your place? I have to say, I am impressed. I haven’t met anyone like that before you, love.” Roger teased and you slapped his arm while laughing. “Keep your hands to yourself, love! I’m trying to make it home without crashing.”

The both of you still laughing as he pulled to the porch of your apartment. He is in awe as he sees the white expanse of the bungalow and the foyer space you have.

“Wow. You call this an apartment?” Roger said and you laughed since this was an expected response which always happened.

“When I bought the place, it was listed as is.” You replied and he shook his head and bewilderment. You were amused because he is acting like this is the most beautiful house he ever laid eyes on but from the both of you, it’s him that has already traveled the world and have been in lavish mansions.

“Your place is beautiful, _________.”

“You haven’t seen the river side and the view from the pool.” You joked and he laughed in awe. You had to bring down the window to acknowledge your guard gate and he waved at you after opening the gates.

The front façade of your house mainly consisted of steps leading to the house itself, beautified with bushes and flourishing wildflowers, and a staircase leading to the terrace facing the street. Once Roger parked his car outside the garage, you led him inside and he gets astounded one more.

“It’s bigger on the inside!” Roger remarked while looking around and you asked for his Chinese takeout box which you heat up for him as he goes on to observe more of the interior of your place.

“Rog, maybe you should go outside and wait for me there. It is lovely to eat out and the view is beautiful.” You recommend which he followed, walking outside through the doors you pointed out to him.

Placing his leftovers on a plate, you heat it up on the microwave while you scavenge for a snack so you can join Roger on your garden overlooking the pool and the river. You only hope you were there to witness his reaction to seeing the view but you knew that the man was starving and you could use some alone time as well.

You placed everything on a tray, got some water and headed outside wherein you saw Roger lounging by the pool, his shoes off and is set aside under the dining table nearby, his feet wading on the shallow part of the pool.

“If only I had known your flat would be this beautiful,” Roger said and emphasized on the word ‘flat’, “Plus getting served Chinese food from a beautiful lady? I would’ve looked for more ways to know you, _______.” 

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taglist !

@onceuponadetectivedemigod @benhardyasrogertaylor @love-you-for-your-mind @laurajw14 @littlebitofheaven57 @prettylittlegoldfish @kiainspace @but-legendsneverdie @jennyggggrrr

[hey-have-you-heard]

Hey have you heard these 50 songs from 2019

I really enjoyed this last year so going to give it another go for ‘19. I put quite a lot of thought into what actually a ‘song of the year’ for me when I was first constructing and then heavily editing the playlist that came to be my Top 50 of 2019. I think the most important thing is that above all it’s a track that I’m glad exists, sometimes this is because of the songwriting or composition, sometimes the performance, sometimes the lyrical importance and sometimes just because it sparks joy.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6bFJOjL8b8Zc2s5r1oJbsk?si=UJdqSXOTR3SQ8D3IwcmV2g

Explanations for each tracks inclusion below the fold…

100 gecs - 800db cloud 100 gecs channel a mix of Crystal Castles and Sleigh Bells with a Death Grips level appreciation for noise. It’s an absolute rush and that outro is just absurd.

Natalie Evans - Always Be Natalie Evans soft melody and sing song vocals are sublimely sweet on this heartfelt track of lost love, longing and nostalgia.

Petrol Girls - Big Mouth “If you fight back or disagree you’re the one with the fucking problem” this hits home, hard. Big Mouth is a rallying cry to speak out against oppression and discrimination, to raise you’re voice and be heard, not to be controlled.

Charli XCX ft. Lizzo - Blame it on your Love Charli has a midas touch when it comes to pop, combine that with Lizzo who has just about been the most fun thing in music this year and you’ve got a 10/10 banger.

Poppy - BLOODMONEY Poppy’s music just keeps going further down the rabbit hole. Originally playing with blending elements of nu-metal with bubblegum pop, she now seems to have transcended genre altogether to create whatever BLOODMONEY is, it’s absolutely ridiculous and I love it.

Body Hound - Bloom Get on that GROOVE! So proggy it hurts, this track from Body Hound is a technical wonderland of metamorphosing rhythms, gargantuan riffs, and just the tastiest of chord progressions.

Can the Sub_Bass speak - Algiers Word of warning, this is not an easy listen. A freefall tumble through genre and tone accompanies a stream of consciousness monologue full of racism, prejudice and political and artistic critique.

Elohim - Buckets Buckets is an onslaught of trap influences, emotional outbursts and aggressive distortion. I’m a big fan of this sound.

VUKOVI - C.L.A.U.D.I.A I know very little about VUKOVI as a band, but that riff is absolutely massive and this track has been a constant throughout my year on that basis alone.

Show Me The Body - Camp Orchestra Apparently more hardcore bands should use Banjos, because this is a damn good sound. Slowly building from a single bass line this track builds into a powerful demolishing force.

clipping. - Club Down Having thoroughly proven themselves able to do afro-futurist scifi on the Hugo nominated Splendor and Misery, clipping. now turn their considerable talents to horror core and unsurprisingly nail it. Daveed’s flows are tight as ever as he brings to life a decaying city backed by tortured screams.

Dream Nails - Corporate Realness YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB. WORK IS NOT YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU MUST DO IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. Dream Nails are great and exactly what we need right now.

ControlTop - Covert Contracts This track positively bristles with an anxious energy. A fitting sound for the subject of the information overload we find ourselves locked into everyday.

Cherry Glazerr - Daddi There’s an icy coolness to ‘Daddi’, a disconnected sarcasm that falls away to reveal the anger and torment in the chorus, it’s a masterful bit of emotional storytelling through musical tone.

The Physics House Band - Death Sequence I Listening to Physics House latest release, the Death Sequence EP feels like a physical journey. This opener is a perfect example of this, as you’re plunged straight into a heady and disorienting mix of rhythms and counter-melody’s, the Sax guiding you through the turbulence until you land in a placid midsection, before that bass riff drags you forward through rhythmic breakdowns into an absolutely absurd brain melting saxophony and then it just keeps on going from there…

Witching Waves - Disintegration I saw WW back in the early summer, they were a bassist down so it was just a guitar and drums duo. They started with this track and it was one of the most pure punk things I’ve experienced, drummer/vocalist Emma Wigham bashing the absolute shit out of her kit . A great no-nonsense lo-fi banger.

Lingua Ignota - DO YOU DOUBT ME TRAITOR Another, not particularly easy listen here. DO YOU DOUBT ME TRAITOR is a dark and angry brooding track, building in intensity to release the primal rage, fear and horror of the abused. Its deeply chilling and instantly arresting. This track and the entire CALIGULA album stands as an absolute must listen.

Carly Rae Jepsen ft. Electric Guest - Feels Right I love the instrumentation on this one, those chunky piano chords and screaming guitar lift the track out and make it the highlight of an already great album to me.

Orla Gartland - Figure it out Dialing back the intensity slightly, Orla chronicles the frustrations of having to deal with someone in your life who you’re done with. The choruses burst forth in beautifully fuzzy explosions of noise. That vocal flair at the start of the final chorus is chef kiss.

Battles - Fort Greene Park Battles are at their best when they keep things simple. This is evident on 2019′s Juicy B Crypts which features some incredibly cluttered moments, but this just makes Fort Greene Park stand out all the more. A delightfully spacious piece of math rock, from some of the best in the business.

Dogleg - Fox Boy howdy, do I love me some midwest emo. Catharsis in musical form, it just makes me want to mosh my troubles away like I’m 16 again.

Tørsö - Grab A Shovel Tørsö go hard, I can appreciate that. An absolutely brutal track about the destructive power of depression and self-loathing.

“Pijn & Conjurer playing Curse These Metal Hands” - High Spirits “We were like, are we Pijn and Conjurer, or are we Curse These Metal Hands? I think we’ve settled with ‘we are Pijn and Conjurer playing Curse These Metal Hands’ …whatever that means!“ what it means is one of the most joyously triumphant pieces of metal music I’ve ever heard. Some of the guitar lines in this absolutely soar.

Lizzo - Juice Lizzo has won 2019, her message of self love, acceptance and body positivity has won her both critical and cultural acclaim and permeates her music in a way that makes it impossible to not love.

COLOSSAL SQUID, AK Patterson - Kick Punch Colossal Squid is the name given to Three Trapped Tigers drummer, Adam Betts’ experimental project. After a solo album of percussive wizardry Betts has now teamed with vocalist AK Patterson to give us something else entirely.

Evan Greer - Liberty Is A Statue Evan Greer uses the a folk punk sound to deliver an essay on the damaging influences of cis-normativity and social inequality. Of course I like this one.

Taylor Swift - Lover I wasn’t on board with this song for a fair while, but then I kept listening to it and kept coming back to it because of a roughly 50 second section which ties the track and the whole album together. Yeah, this is on here purely for the bridge, which is just beautiful.

Dodie - Monster Monster is an incredibly well written and delivered study on how perception changes with resentment and it makes me cry.

The Y Axes - Moon Moon is a delightfully dreamy piece of pop that glitters with infectious melodies, it’s lyrics a blissful embracing of cosmic nihilism, need I say more?

Ezra Furman - My Teeth Hurt My teeth hurt is a song about tooth ache, about that pain you carry with you everywhere and can’t get rid of, that ruins your days and and is one hell of a mood. Yeah it’s about gender dysphoria.

Nervus - No Nations Speaking of things being a mood, this track hits the nail squarely on the head.

Cultdreams - Not My Generation "Everyone ignores me Unless I’m on a stage talking Because they put me on a pedestal And pretend I’m just performing“ Lucinda Livingstone calls out the misogyny in our culture with a singular ferocity.

Lil Nas X - Old Town Road If there’s one song that’s dominated 2019 this is it right here. Who ever had the idea of putting that NIN Ghosts sample to a trap beat and cowboying over the top of it is an absolute genius.

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Planet B It’s impossible to predict where King Gizzard’s sonic influences are going to take them next I doubt even they know half the time. Whatever they turn their hand to though they do it as if they mastered the sound decades ago Planet B is an all out thrash track with a strong environmental message.

Kesha - Rich, White, Straight Men Okay, I’m about to compare Kesha to John Lennon here but HEAR ME OUT… As ‘Imagine’ asked us to consider a world without conflict or capitalism, Kesha now posits that we should tear up our conceptions of our society based on its formation by a privileged group and imagine what kind of utopia could be built if we gave the underprivileged and minority groups a say.

Allie X - Rings A Bell The chorus here sounds like it could have been off Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories, and I’m all about that sound. Combined with Allie X’s dreamlike vocals make this a certified bop.

Poly-Math - Sensors in Everything Sensors in Everything is a beast of a track spanning over 14 minutes of absurdly dense prog. Having recently enlisted keyboardist Josh Gesner. Polymath make use of the new sounds and textures available to them, at times imitating a sort of Hammond sound not unlike John Lord to the chaotic maelstrom of noise.

Calva Louise - Sleeper Big hooks on this one. Sleeper has a confident swagger to it’s sound which stands apart for the bands previous work. It’s an absolutely huge track.

Slipknot - Solway Firth Slipknot didn’t disappoint after the tease of 2018′s “All Out Life”, following up with an album which blended old and new aspects of their sound to create one of their best to date. Solway Firth is a perfect example of this matching the punishing heaviness of Iowa with the melody driven sound of All Hope Is Gone.

Clt Drp - Speak To My Seeing Clt Drp perform live was one of my highlights of the year. The filthy guitar tones, powerhouse vocals tight as heck drumming and the _grooves. _Absolutely like nothing else I’ve seen. Just an incredible band that deserve so much more recognition.

Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Black Country, New Road released two tracks this year and now I just want more. Dense wordy lyricism plays off against ever evolving instrumentation to present a raw cut of emotional storytelling.

Her Name Is Calla - Swan Her Name Is Calla are a band that have always been on the edge of my radar, my Dad is very fond of them and saw them live a couple of years ago, but never went back to relisten to any of their stuff, then they started an album with this. I was sold instantly.

black midi - Talking Heads Talking Heads (the band) are an obvious inspiration on this track. Both David Byrne’s vocal style and the Talking Heads penchant for sharp angular melodies are on show here. But given an extra ounce of chaos through Black Midi’s delivery.

Amanda Palmer - The Ride The ride is ten minutes of bundling up all your fears and anxieties of where we are and where we’re going and just, accepting them as part of the ride. Written off the back of a prompt from Amanda asking her fans what they were afraid of right now.

Kim Petras - There Will Be Blood Okay, let’s have some out of season spookiness. Love the squelchy synths on this, there’s a huge amount of energy on this track and with it’s commitment to the horror conceit it makes for a super fun bop.

Kate Nash - Trash Kate Nash’s sound is like bathing pure nostalgia,here she spins the toxic-relationship narrative central to her work to deliver a bigger story about humanity’s, quite literally toxic relationship to our planet.

American Football & Hayley Williams - Uncomfortably Numb The other side of the “midwest emo” coin. A melancholic song built on a soft bed of arpeggiated chords and clean harmonics, Uncomfortably Numb is a heartbreaking track of losing everything and of cycles persisting thorugh generations. Employing the clever metatextual trick of referencing Pink Floyd’s comfortably Numb to mirror the generational similarities.

Glenn Branca - Velvet and Pearls Disclaimer, Glenn Branca was a musical hero of mine, his approach to music and composition being solely responsible for influence a vast number of my favourite bands. Released posthumously, Velvet and Pearls is taken from a live performance by Branca’s ensemble and perfectly captures the sense of sonic disorientation, conjuring aural illusions through an assault of intricately crafted noise. It’s an exhilarating piece that should be played as loud as humanly possible.

Brutus - War The raw emotional strength of Stefanie Manneart’s vocals instantly made me pay attention when I first heard this track. Then the song exploded into a barrage of riffs and breakneck drumming.

Valiant Vermin - Warm Coke Another slice of throwback pop, Valiant Vermin proved with “Online Lover” how much of an ear she has for pop and has proven it once again with Warm Coke. Is a real good bop.

———

Welp there it is, 50(+1) songs, I had to limit myself to one track per artist in the main 50 because according to Spotify I listened to [checks notes] 1082 new artists this year. There are a small handful of tracks I wanted to highlight from the same artists though as they offer something quite different to the tracks in the playlists, so here they are quickly with 3 word descriptions.

Petrol Girls - Skye (dead dog, sad) Amanda Palmer - Voicemail for Jill (Talk about abortion) Ezra Furman - I Wanna be Your Girlfriend (Trans Torch Song) Battles ft Jon Anderson & Prairie WWWW - Sugar Foot (Batshit Prog Insanity) Poppy - Choke (Dark Minimalist Pop) Show Me The Body - Forks and Knives (Anxious nightmare punk) Lingua Ignota - CALIGULA (the whole album.)

———

Closing Statement

Cultdreams - Statement

There has been a shadow over the entertainment industry the latter half of this decade. Whether film, music, TV or video games, the late 2010′s are filled with stories of people coming forward to bravely tell their stories about being abused and manipulated by men in positions of power. The #metoo movement as it’s come to be known has been a powerful force in giving marginalised people a voice and the ability to call out oppressors and in starting the groundwork to root out the misogyny in the seats of power, but this is a battle far from won.

While there are thousands of stories out there I want to focus on one in particular.

In 2016 a number of women spoke out about various forms of abuse by a well-known musician in the punk scene. It’s now over three years later and this group of women are in the midst of a long fought claim of defamation from this musician. If this case goes through it sets a precedent for silencing marginalised voices in the industry. They have been fighting for so long and with no legal aid available for the case they have had to finance their defense from their own pockets.

This is where Solidarity Not Silence comes in. Solidarity not silence is a crowdfunding effort to help take the case to trial without the women bankrupting themselves entirely so that they don’t have to give in to this mans demands.  You can read more about Solidarity not Silence and make a donation (if you feel so inclined) here: https://www.crowdjustice.com/case/solidaritynotsilence/

You can also follow them on twitter here https://twitter.com/solnotsilence

[acrosstheboardmusic]

“WILD ONES” ALBUM REVIEW & INTERVIEW: Jackie from Across The Board shares her insights on being the lone wolf who still needs her pack

by Carmen Toth, special to ListenUpIndie!

March 23, 2019

On March 15, 2019, I and 400 other fans had the pleasure of seeing Across the Board do a live debut of their new album “Wild Ones” at The Opera House in Toronto. I was so encapsulated by their stellar performance that I didn’t take a single video or photo the whole time! Luckily, there were a handful of pro photographers there who got some great shots, like this one by Joanna Glezakos:

If you’re a fan of 80s era inspired pop-rock like me, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll enjoy “Wild Ones,” the latest offering and fifth album from Across the Board. I find their sound to be like a unique fusion of 70s/80s rock like Stevie Nicks, Journey and Heart, mixed with energetic modern alternative pop like Paramore and Walk Off The Earth. And this makes perfect sense, considering that they list all of those artists as influences, and have at some point covered them all within their extensive collection of over 600 videos on YouTube/Facebook/Instagram.

One of the most tightly themed albums I’ve ever heard (from one of the hardest working bands I’ve ever met), “Wild Ones” in the band’s own words: “explores the concept of the lone wolf who lives for the independence of running beneath the moon and the stars but understands the need for a pack.”

The album opens with a dramatic spoken prologue from lead singer Jacqueline “Jackie” Auguste, before launching into the super riff-y, upbeat and harmony-rich title track, where we are introduced to “the wolf,” the musical embodiment of Jackie herself. The danceability continues on “Monster,” which “celebrates the beauty in the ugly.” Next up is what just might be my favourite track on the album – “Eye of The Storm” – an epic and beautifully vulnerable power ballad which Jackie and co-producer Matt Makarenko wrote during the early days of her breast cancer diagnosis in July 2018. The following track “Calling,” according to the band, is meant to be a “cry of support in turbulent times,” but for me, it just gives me a serious “slow dance” romantic vibe. Then the pace picks up again on the uplifting rock anthem “All Gone,” which is co-written by the band’s keys player Martin “Marty” Heller and is his first ever contribution to the ATB catalogue. I call the next track “Graffiti,” ATB’s “ode to graffiti,” – a very poetic explanation of why graffiti exists and the “funkiest” track on the album. The album finishes up with another gorgeous ballad “Alpha Wolf,” which has a very ear-worm-y line; “howl at the moon,” which sounds almost like an actual howl, but prettier. All in all, a very strong, well-written and produced album that just gets better with every listen.

You can listen to WILD ONES on SOUNDCLOUD.

You can find your favourite streaming service HERE.

Album credits: Co-written and produced by MC2 Music Media’s Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko with ATB’s Jacqueline Auguste, Andy Ramjattan and Martin Heller. Published by MC2 Music Media.

Lead singer: Jacqueline Auguste Backing vocals: Shezelle Weekes, Tasha Lorayne Keys: Marty Heller Guitars: Ben Healey, Matt Makarenko Bass: Andy Ramjattan Drums: Darnell Toth, Ryan Sousa

I had a chance to talk with the band’s frontwoman Jackie about the making of the album, and here’s what she had to tell me:

C: You’re releasing “Wild Ones” less than a year after “Sonic Boom,” which you released May 2018. Any particular reason for releasing them so close together? 

 J: Because it was ready! We were in a full-on writing mode after “Sonic Boom” and we just kept going to maintain our momentum. In this day and age of the music industry, you have to keep moving forward, creating music from your heart and sharing it with your audience. One of the best things about being signed by an indie label as opposed to a major label is that we have so much creative control. There was a really powerful creative force moving through everyone after Sonic Boom and we decided to hold a writing workshop last summer – we basically cloistered ourselves away at the ATB cottage up at Lake Simcoe one weekend and wrote 18 songs – 8 of which we chose for the album, and 7 that are being released currently. We had to hold back one song as we did a little mash up of a song that was already written and are waiting for the lawyers to do their thing.

C: This is your fifth album. What has become easier having done it so many times? Has anything become harder? 

J: What’s easier is the time it takes – in the sense that it takes fewer takes to get what we want, and less explaining to one another where we are coming from because we know our sound now and we know what we want – we are all on the same page and it becomes rather intuitive now – fewer question marks! There is nothing harder per se about it. Possibly making sure we have fresh chord progressions and don’t get stuck writing the same song every time. That certainly hasn’t happened yet and I think it’s because we’ve moved to a more collaborative inclusive model of writing as opposed to the songs all being mine.

C: Have you used the same producer and studio for all five albums?

J: Four of the five, yes. Our first album was actually produced by my brother, Tom Smith, who’s a kick ass engineer, musician and producer. He also produced all our early covers that you can find on Spotify and iTunes pre-‘Jane On Fire’ – which was our debut album in 2016. Our second album, which was actually an EP, was the first project we did with our current producers MC2 Music Media.

C: What is your usual writing process and how was the process for this album? Were there some songs that were harder to complete than others?

J: My writing process starts with a chord progression and a hook. Then lyrics and a melody emerge, the lyrics get filled in and the song goes off to our producers Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko at MC2. They rearrange it, give it a beat, genre and cadence, then send it back for me to create a demo. I usually create a demo in the same way we record our YouTube cover videos and those demos become the basis for starting to record the individual parts.

For this album we did it slightly differently – although there were several of the 18 songs that we wrote for the album that we do with the usual process I just described, there were three that were musically driven. Matt and Darnell had banked some jam sessions and experimental instrumentals and I went through them and chose some that I thought I could write melody and lyrics to – that was the process for “Monster,” “Graffiti” and “Eye Of The Storm.”

The song “Alpha Wolf” was a little different – I had written some poetry about the wolf theme of the album – and his relationship to the circadian rhythm of the earth. I wanted to write a song in 6/8 time for a change – a rock ballad – I love the triplet feel to a solid 6/8 structure and this song basically ended up writing itself: “Alpha Wolf” and “Calling” –two of the slow songs on the album were written this way – and they seemed to write themselves.

C: You have been pretty open about your recent diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. How did making this album help get you through it? Do you believe in the healing power of music? 

J: I find that music boosts my serotonin! I feel calmer and happier and less down about things. Music can also excite me and make me want to move and dance or jump around. The album theme – ‘the independent lone wolf who recognizes the need for a pack’ – represents my struggle with breast cancer. I had to be able to ask for help, to accept it, and give up control to those who knew what was best for me. “Eye Of The Storm” represents my attempt to find the peace within the chaos – to find a place of comfort amidst all of the stress and turmoil that is chemo and surgery and tests and needles. Each song on the album really was born during the time of my diagnosis and early treatment. It’s like an Ode to the struggle with mortality.

C: Who have been your biggest musical influences? 

 J: I would say my biggest musical influences are Stevie Nicks, Bonnie Raitt, Steven Tyler and bands like Journey, Paramore and Walk Off The Earth.

C: What advice would you give to aspiring independent musicians?

J: Don’t wait to create content until you think it’s flawless or perfect – let your fans progress and develop with you. Put out content every day! The more you do, the better you will get at doing it! The more you create, the more people can consume and it makes for a nice deep rabbit hole where folks can dive in!

C: Do you have a favourite song on the album?

J: “Eye Of The Storm” – it’s fun to play, fun to sing, and speaks the most to me about my personal struggle with breast cancer.

C: As a fan, I can hear a real evolution in your singing on this album. What kind of vocal training/exercises did you do in preparation for the recording sessions? 

J: I would love to tell you I have a defined set of exercises and techniques, but I don’t. I sing along with the radio in the car on the way to studio – belt a few lines, sing some high notes and some low notes and flex my vocal chords a bit – like stretching before a run. I was trained by Russian opera star Helena Holl, one of my favourite people on the planet. She’s just lovely and had taught me to control my diaphragm, breathing, mouth and throat shape and vocal chords. Although I have very little time any more for training sessions, I do think of all her teaching when I’m singing a challenging song, like if it’s something I have to belt or a high note.

C: Is there anything else that you want to say to all your new and old fans? 

J: I would just love to hear from people what they think of the new songs – what do you like, dislike, what caught your ear, or bored you. And then tune in and follow us on YouTube, FB and the Gram! Introduce yourself! Let’s connect – check out all things ATB at http://acrosstheboardmusic.ca

Carmen Toth is a freelance writer, singer songwriter, senior copywriter and voiceover artist- visit Carmen’s website here.

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #1: maassai

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

I’m Maassai from Brooklyn, NY. An existentialist, rapper/vocalist, curator, performance artist, writer. My artistic practice seeks to tell hood narratives through an avant-garde lens. 

A part of my released works is the C0N$TRUCT!0N series, which will be a continuous project about building and taking up space as a black person in this country. I’m also a part of the duo H31R with JWords, which I'd best describe as experimental hip hop dance music if someone really wanted to box it in, but it definitely bends the concept of genre. “With the Shifts” will be my debut solo full-length project as well as a cementing or further exploration of certain themes in my artistic practice.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I'm a very spontaneous writer. It depends on when the inspiration hits me, whether that's a really dope track I was sent or a situation that just unfolded in front of me. Inspiration mostly hits at really odd times. Some of my favorite pieces started walking down the block in my neighborhood or on the toilet or waking in the middle of the night after an intense dream. I try to at least journal some thoughts everyday to keep a groove, but I don't like to pressure myself to make a piece or force the feeling when it’s not there and that practice really helps to keep me in love with the process I think. 

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

Honestly I'm about using whatever medium is available. I’m not necessarily the die hard purist who has to write stuff on paper even though there is a special flow that happens there. But because I'm so spontaneous with my writing there's many times I'm in a situation where a pen and pad isn't available. 

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

A lot of times the process is super messy. I like to follow a concept through, so sometimes that’ll mean me making a plain outline in the middle of a piece so I can have clarity in my brainstorming or come back to it when I have the mental energy to think hard enough to make it all make sense. I like to think of it as a math equation. Creating the formula and then plugging in the details until it works. Sometimes the lines in my everyday journaling resonate with me so much that I’ll use them for a song or to prompt some bars. The process is all experimental honestly.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

I don't normally trash material completely. I believe in things being reworked, sampled and built upon. I’m a bar hoarder maybe. Unless it really sucks and I wake up and completely disagree with what I wrote for some reason, I’ll usually keep it somewhere.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

For sure. Not necessarily known to many, I consider myself a writer of many different mediums. I grew up writing poetry. I’m working on screen and stage plays. These are passion projects that I've been developing over the span of years now. I actually went to high school for theatre so it's still a big part of me and has definitely influenced how I see myself as an overall artist. I'm really inspired by science fiction movies - and paying attention to the way writing is brought alive through film strengthens me to paint worlds with my words. Also writing stories of any kind strengthens your ability to focus on a topic and see it through, which I feel I've tried to carry into my music as much as possible.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

Both. But projects that I really go into with lots of intention I've likely worked on for a good minute. As I'm growing through life and the process simultaneously sometimes the words slightly change. Every word matters and sometimes a slight change goes such a long way to making a statement resonate. I have written songs with a quick burst of energy, mostly when i'm collaborating with others and that's always cool because I'm like, “Okay yea I got it, I can actually write something decent mad fast even though I don't do it that often on my own.” It feels really good. Again, that spontaneity of writing with different processes keeps it new, challenging and fun for me.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

I’ve done both. I think I usually prefer to have a beat beforehand because I like to think of my vocals as an instrument, a part of the overall music piece. I can really jam out and experiment with what sounds best on the track when I have the beat beforehand. But many times it works out to find new ways to execute something I wrote for a beat, and that's fun as well.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

I’m led by ideas I have in my head a lot of the time and the stream of consciousness that presents itself with that idea in mind usually leads me to an unexpected conciseness. Once it's going in a particular direction I might rework it or add things to focus it more or it might just flow how it needs to in the moment. Rhyming as a practice in writing definitely limits not what you can say but how you can say it, and that's the most tedious part a lot of the time.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I’m definitely consciously experimenting with form as a musician. Sometimes flexibility and freeness is a part of it. I don't usually like to keep the same form for a whole song. I think a part of my style is unpredictability and versatility.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics? 

“TU LIPS” produced by Keenyn Omari was one of those verses that just came so naturally. I was really in the flow of things and I surprised myself like, “Damn, I just wrote that?” I loved that it was catchy, gritty and revolutionary in the same breath, which is really the goal. It’s a personal fav because I wrote it so fast.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

“Anecdoche” off of Unsounded Points of View.

“Ever in a room and everybody talking but nobody listening? / Voices get dissonant when they over each other / trimming on the back of the last word / never get to process the sentence. / Now the convo is a figment of our egos.” 

It’s not my punchiest set of bars but I love how descriptive it is. I wrote this song in an attempt to describe the indescribable feeling of those conversations that just aren't going anywhere and the emptiness present when trying to converse with someone who doesn't listen. “Voices get dissonant when they over each other” - when people speak over each other without listening it's like when people try to sing together without listening - the harmony is off - it's like really cringey chords. “Trimming on the back of the last word / never got to process the sentence” - it's like you’re just talking to speak and only taking little pieces of what is said to make an unrelated statement because they just want to talk or want attention. “Now the convo is a figment of our egos” - this wraps it up so beautifully to me because it's like the conversation isn't actually happening because there's no understanding, but our egos make us keep talking. It points to this issue being deeper than just not listening in this one moment but instead an existential challenge of overcoming your ego.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

Punch-ins suck. I will cut down the bar as much as I can during the writing process to leave space. Saying the most with as little words as possible is my style as a writer. If punching-in is warranted I'll do it though. Whatever makes the song work.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I grew up saturated in hip hop culture. It's really embedded in me as a being. So a lot of my time is spent studying and exploring other genres and just other facets of life. I actually listen to other genres of music more than I listen to rap - like jazz, soul, experimental r&b. I get lots of inspiration from those genres. I used to take some West African dance classes, which actually completely shifted the way I understood rhythm, which helped me improve my raps a lot. Outside of music, I like to watch trippy films and psychology docs. I've been exploring where science and spirituality meet, and that's been a big part of what I've been writing about as of lately.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

Of course, my anxiety levels before dropping things are sky high but I also love what I create at the same time. So I am usually able to push past that feeling as long as I like what I make. Sometimes working on things for a long period of time can be confusing when it's time to drop, because I might be in a different head space or have just heard it too much to think of it as anything exciting, but I try to remember how good I felt after making it and that the resonation I felt then will always be a truth.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them? 

I don't feel the need to imitate anyone. I pride myself on not sounding like anyone else. There’s sooo many people I've been inspired by, but I actually try not to listen to too much rap music to make sure my voice is my own. I really love Azealia Banks as a writer. Her flow is so dynamic, especially crossing over into dance music - I appreciate her pen so much. Very unique and definitely in her own lane with rap.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

Definitely to create a multi-disciplined platform that gives a way for me to create space for building and visualize a black future. One part of that is to create a new path for people who identify as black femmes to feel comfortable being a part of whatever this experimental niche of rap is, because it's overwhelmingly cis-male dominated. But mostly to push the culture forward and inspire people to push boundaries in this world as I push boundaries within my art.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series. 

Photo by Kristin Powell (details)

[rachelratesmusic]

folklore

folklore: Taylor Swift’s first album to be labelled Alternative, her second genre change since country to pop, this time from pop to alternative, or folk, but we definitely still have that country story-telling flare that Taylor has always capitalised from over her approximately 14 year career.

And her second album to not be capitalised, after reputation. 

Track 1: the 1

First line of the album? “I’m doing good, I'm on some new shit.” Couldn’t think of a better lyric to start. New genre. New producer (Aaron Dessner of The National). New album. New Taylor. She’s doing good! Let’s go! 

Track 2: cardigan

The ~delicate~ piano and Dessner production continues from track 1 to track 2, but this time, sonically, there’s an eerie-ness that emphasizes this sadness in the song, which is set from the perspective of someone who has been heartbroken, which Taylor herself has described a teenage love triangle, who’s story is told this track, track 8 august, and track 14 betty. The metaphors in the lyrics tell the story so maturely and beautifully, kind of like this teenage girl is far beyond her years... Maybe someone fairly recently turned 30 and had a lot of life experience…? Maybe Taylor’s most beautifully written lead single ever… Actually not maybe - definitely.

Track 3: the last great american dynasty

Another piano intro… ok… this is definitely sonically cohesive so far.

Oh! An 808 beat now. I’m head nodding! Oh… and she’s still storytelling… nice, that’s why it is called folklore. We take a slight turn here in terms of the mood instrumentally, but not really in terms of the lyrics, or this album's case, the stories being told. The mostly staccato piano chords contrasting the legato guitar slide fills along with the 808 electronic drum beat create a sort of light, bouncy, exhilaration, but what cleverly stops this exhilaration is the word painting where a minor chord is used on top of the second last word of the chorus, which is the word “ruining”, as well as a string section rising in volume to introduce us to the bridge, which is the climax of the story and the highlight of the song. Because in the bridge Taylor does what Taylor does best, which is the contribution of her own story through the lyrics, and that’s a part of the reason why we’re all devoted listeners.

Track 4: exile (featuring Bon Iver)

tbh... I’d never heard any Bon Iver music before this... I know, I know, I’m sorry. So on first listen I was ~low key~ startled at his hella low voice. But this song has grown on me. It can easily be compared to The Last Time on Taylor’s Red from 2012 where she duets with Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol but I prefer exile. What makes this song imo is when Bon Iver sings the word “CRyin’” around the 2 minute and 20 second mark, which again like the last track, the bridge of this song is what you’re waiting for as a listener to take you to new heights, where both vocalists deliver here, with Bon Iver ~nearly~ belting and Taylor being the opposite responder at more of a soft, tender volume, they both deliver the two different sides of the story in two different captivating ways.

Track 5: my tears ricochet

Look… I’ll be honest again… This is... MY FAVOURITE TRACK.

The standout part of this song is it’s whole buildup and the lyrics. ---(come on, we’re talking about a Taylor Swift track 5 here, historically we know it’s going to be a standout in the lyric department and Taylor herself has described every track 5 of each of her albums to be her saddest songs) Also historically, Taylor fans know that this section of her albums are where the best lyrics are kept. 

First track on this album to be produced by long time collaborator of Swift, Jack Antonoff, the track begins with vocal ‘ohs’ reminiscent for me, of Imogen Heap, where now I feel I have to mention when Taylor collaborated with her on Taylor’s standout track “Clean” on 1989 from 2014. While Heap’s work may be littered with vocoders and electronics, my tears ricochet is natural, and surrounds the listeners ears with panning and reverb like they’re in a room surrounded by echoing Taylors. Then she makes you feel like you have betrayed her with how far she lets in, both with her detailed lyrics and how she is singing with the pacing of the melody, stopping and starting.

The build up is really noticeable as the bridge starts and the thundering drums hammer home the idea that Taylor can’t go home and after all this building, she lets go on the words “stolen lullabies”, where you feel this sense of freedom when the backing vocals of the intro return before the last chorus and again, the outro of those surrounding vocals we know so well.

With lyrics like “and if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?” and “you wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me.” my tears ricochet easily triggers chills. (literal chills)

Track 6: mirrorball

And now… we have stepped into the past. The tone and picking of the electric guitar in the intro and first verse take me right back to the 70s… when I wasn’t alive…

Anyway, it’s another song about her personal struggles around fame and trying to “fit in” and stand out, which she encompasses so elegantly in the metaphor of being a shiny, shimmery disco mirrorball. 

And sorry, as much as I do love it… it is the one song I would skip if I had to… and sometimes it’s skipped by choice, which tells you it’s the weakest track on the album in my opinion, but not easy to live up to the previous track that is so intense, so it is nice to have a more chill take in music and lyrics, although the lyrics can be really thought provoking if you want them to be.

Side note: where are the drums in this song? To hear the kick drum I have to focus really hard, which can be a good thing if you’re looking for a chill song, like I said I was after my tears ricochet, but it’s not a good thing either...

Track 7: seven

Every single little detail of this song is so elegant. Aaron Dessner’s light touches on the piano and guitar as well as the accompanying string section are just guides for the vocals telling the story of the love shared between friends throughout childhood and how that love lasts, so long which Taylor describes so eloquently in my favourite lyric of the entire album, “passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long.”

The slightly higher pitch and slightly hushed tone Taylor sings in as the song begins, is unlike anything she has sung before. It reminds me of her previous tracks “Sad Beautiful Tragic” from her fourth album Red from 2012 or “Safe and Sound'' from the The Hunger Games soundtrack, but those songs were hushed and low pitched. 

Where she sings like this is labelled as the first verse by Genius, where everyone gets the lyrics to songs nowadays, but how the two contrasting melodies are sung, to me the first section or melody seemed like the chorus the first few times I listened, but the second section or melody is also the closing melody and it would make the most sense the end on a chorus. While this may be confusing, at least it is a bit to me, I’m glad that Taylor has strayed away from the traditional pop structure in this track which is another reason why seven really stands out to me. 

Track 8: august

The third song to be produced by Antonoff, August is what I’m going to describe as a getaway song - and by that I mean there’s a certain urgency to the pacing because something wild is happening! Whether it’s robbing someone or something in “Getaway Car” from reputation (2017) or crying in the back of the car in Lover’s “Cruel Summer”, also both co-written and produced by Antonoff, August joins this exclusive club.

The chorus melody is pretty and bright - while it feels mature, at the same time it feels like I am hearing this story from a love struck teenager, which you’re supposed to as it’s a part of the teenager love triangle story Taylor has going through the album, with this being the point of view of the third person in the relationship.

August’s bridge is it’s invitation to my made up Getaway Song party, which is a very exclusive and elitist party. The urgency in the pacing to pump up the climax of the story she’s telling, is very much becoming a TS trademark, I’ll be very happy in the future to give out more invitations to the Getaway Song party.

Track 9: this is me trying

Not gonna lie… this is simply one of my favorites because I feel it! This is me trying dammit! At least I’m trying! But this is what Taylor Swift does best, when you have the same feelings or emotions as her, and she decides to express those emotions in song, you can feel like you’re not alone for a moment which can be freeing.

While not outstanding production wise, I feel I can let it pass, because I love Taylor’s storytelling and ability to depict the craving for wanting better of yourself and trying...

Track 10: illicit affairs

Where were these pre-pop Taylor acoustic guitars before on an album called folklore?! Taylor is a guitar girl and I need my pre-pop Taylor acoustic guitar instrumentals!

While the title clearly indicates the story’s substance, this track feels like it’s over in the blink of an eye, while yet again, the highlight of the track is the bridge. Personally, it’s my favourite of the album beating “my tears ricochet” and “august”. There’s just something about it’s steady beating progression and particularly the way she emphasises the words “kid” and “baby”. It draws you in to feel the pain of the story’s protagonist, as well as it makes you want to shout the lyrics to help the protagonist get some sort of justice.

Track 11: invisible string

The acoustic guitar continues, and I am overjoyed, but this time it’s different, where a muting technique is employed, with an accent on the highest pitch string, which isn’t muted to create a sort of release. While writing this description of the guitar, despite having already listened to the song a million times, I thought, the song is called Invisible String, a guitar has strings, and the muted are muted, or made to sound invisible? Nice word painting Taylor. It took me a second. (If it was even done on purpose.)

More on the actual “invisible string”, I love the metaphor of it which seems to be based on Chinese mythology’s “Red Thread of Fate”. Which you get a loose description of through the songs lyrics. Along with the previous track, “the 1”, “invisible string” sounds the most pop-like to me out of the entire album so far. This is because there is a clear difference between verse, chorus and bridge, where the chord pattern actually changes between each of the three. All of these things combined makes for one of my favourite tracks on the album. And lastly, how can I not mention the mentioning of her own song “Bad Blood” in the second verse? 

Track 12: mad woman

I can’t help but think this is the grown up version of The Man. In saying that however, I don’t mean at all that The Man is not good - it brings up serious issues in a very dignified way. 

But “mad woman” is a song all on her own with beautiful, but at the same time, dark instrumentation and lyrics that really make you think about what she's talking about, which is something slightly different to “The Man”. Whether it’s her core shaking lower register or her first use of an F bomb ever, it’s sure to catch your attention before she opens to the lyric “you made her like that”, and then the bridge, where I have probably mentioned before in this review, Taylor really opens up the story, while plainly stating, “you took everything from me.”

The sonic cohesion continues with the guitar in the back of chorus, very similar to TLGAD, which is peaking out as being a signature of Aaron production.

Track 13: epiphany

“Epiphany” stands out. In the best way, and if you’re a Taylor fan you’d expect it to, as track 13s have traditionally throughout her discography, being her lucky number. 

I’m not going to lie, this is the hardest song to describe and rate. Because it is so different, and honestly, that is why I really love it. Strung out vocals in the verse, contrasted with more staccato vocals in the chorus, the wide, elongated instrumentation, behind those vocals, it’s easy to depict some sort of battlefield scene in your head. Which actually links to it’s one thing in common with the other tracks in this album.

And what is the one thing in common with the other tracks in this album? It’s storytelling. And this story’s substance really makes you think, continuing the tradition from “mad woman”, but with a completely different storyline focusing on and drawing together the harsh events of 2020 and a past war where Swift has stated that the track was also inspired by her serving grandfather. 

Track 14: betty

“Betty” concludes the teenage love triangle trilogy of songs and stands out as one of the more pop-ier songs on the album. Like Bon Iver’s voice was a surprise on “exile”, the harmonica was a welcomed surprise on “betty”. 

There are two components to this song that make it a great one, those being it’s clear instrumentation, and it's clear story. Let’s start with story, where I already said that this is the final chapter to the teenage love triangle story, I believe this song doesn’t need an explanation, because, and this is the last time I speak about storytelling, this one song is like a good book and tells the story (one side of it, that’s where the other songs come in) from beginning to end. 

And then the instrumentation, which is just vocals and harmonica on top of a marvelous sea of all sorts of guitars, with the strumming acoustic keeping the beat, and electric swells. With this track being the only one that joins both Aaron Dessner and Jack Antonoff as producers, it’s not hard to imagine they’ve both just picked up guitars and added to Taylor’s charming story. 

In the ending where we see a key change and slight change from the chorus lyrics to tie up the happy ending to the story, “betty” cannot not be compared to Taylor’s 2008 hit “Love Story” where in the ending the lyrics are changed to sum up and fit the joy of a happy ending.

Track 15: peace

This track begins with a pulse, which Dessner has described as Bon Iver inspired. This pulse then flutters away and leads into more guitar, and by this stage you should know it’s what I’m waiting for - but it’s a bass guitar taking the lead ostinato or riff this time. Even better, because it’s unexpected, a punch in the guts, they say, like a harmonica on a post country Taylor Swift album? I need to stop going on about the harmonica, this album is called folklore.

While this track illustrates the love shared with that one person, it is no “Lover” (the song) or “Love Story”. It’s like this is the real life side, or the grown up side to real love, with statements like, “sit with you in the trenches” and that one question, “would it be enough if I could never give you peace?” I think it really demonstrates how far she’s come, along with that pulse soundscape , bass guitar and piano towards the end makes for an uncomplicated lead to Taylor’s most thought provoking lyrics in a romantic based song ever as well as being probably her most sophisticated song ever.

The devil really is in the details with Taylor’s music, which is both super comforting and complicated at the same time, with references to past songs, and I’m not even going to start to explain how Taylor is obsessed with leaving her fans easter eggs, but it’s kind of funny how this album had pretty much zero easter eggs in the lead up to it. Now I’m feeling comforted again. 

Track 16: hoax

Speaking of feeling comfortable - shh. I’m listening to “hoax”, sitting next to the fire burning in my fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, with snow falling ever so softly out my window. Nope, that’s just the image in my head I get from listening to “hoax”, I live in Australia where it doesn’t snow much. 

“hoax” is slightly lackluster dynamically for an album closer in Taylor’s discography, compared to Daylight from Lover or Clean from 1989 with New Years Day from reputation being the exception, which I also feel is slightly lackluster. Based on it’s soft sound, I’d prefer it wasn’t the album closer, even though it is lovely to feel so cozy as the album does close out. 

But besides that, it is a cozy sounding song with some not so cozy lyrics. Closing out softly, it’s another case of Taylor leaving possibly her best and most beautiful words for last, with lyrics such as, “Stood on the cliffside screaming give me a reason, your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in.”

3 Facts:

1. This is the first time ever that Taylor has had an explicit rated album and songs. So exciting.

2. Her first collaboration with Jack Antonoff was in 2013 when they created the song “Sweeter Than Fiction” for the film One Chance, and Taylor has since used Antonoff as a producer on every one of her albums.

3. Nobody knows for sure who William Bowery is. Who is William Bowery you ask? William Bowery is a co-writer of “exile” and “betty”. There is speculation… But no one knows...

To tie things up, Taylor delivered, this album is what a lot of people wanted, including myself. And what we wanted was a warm, acoustic, story focused album, which we got. But for me there is one thing missing, and I’m not exactly sure whether it is possible that it would fit on a flok-y warm album, but I miss Taylor’s pop catchy melody songwriting that we’ve all grown used to, where a hook would get stuck in your head for days. Not exactly folk-y, I know, but I miss it from Taylor. Not to take away from the fact at all that this is a very strong, solid album in her discography and a completely different weapon up her sleeve compared to her pop and country past.

My favourite tracks: my tears ricochet, seven, peace, this is me trying, illicit affairs, invisible string, epiphany

4.7/5 - it’s not perfect, but is it Taylor’s closest album to perfection? Possibly…

[carlculationinfinityinterviews]

LACK THE LOW INTERVIEW

Lack The Low( Kat Hunter) an independent artist who crafts atypical auditory alchemy with her music.Lack The Low’s sound traverses throughout the neural networks of many different genres like an experienced traveller with a multitude of sonic synonyms under her belt. Her debut album One Eye Closed is an intriguing beast that never fails to grant the listener with something new without being gaudy or using tools for tools sake.

Lack The Low - God Knows Why

Tell me about your first introduction to music and what was the catalyst or first piece of music that you can recall connecting with that made you start thinking about becoming a musician? 

Really, I don’t remember not being a musician. My mother is a pipe organist and my dad a singer, so when I turned four years old they told me to pick an instrument and so I started violin lessons. Equally, it’s difficult to pinpoint a moment where I “committed” to music. When I finished high school, I had to choose between studying music or studying dance at university (I’d been deeply involved in both up until that point), so that was a big decision at the time. But really music is kind of a thing that happened to me; a constant in my life. I remember writing songs from about age 6 and one time I sang a tune I’d written to my mother, and she showed me how to write it out on manuscript and harmonise it on the piano, and I think that’s the first time a light bulb went off in my head about what it might mean to “write music”.

What was the first piece of music you bought with your own money and personally sought out to buy and what drew you towards wanting to buy and listen to your first purchase?

Back when I was a kid, CD singles were a big thing. I think the first CD I ever purchased was Macy Gray’s, “I Try”, which in hindsight has aged well (what a banger!), but the first CD I really fell in love with was Alanis Morrissette’s “Precious Illusions” single circa 2002. I really remember connecting with the lyrics, and her emotional singing style.

What albums/artists/bands or art forms shaped the scope of your musicianship and how you approach the music you write? How do you push yourself and how important do you think that it is for musicians to push past the limits with what they create?

I listened to a lot of indie rock all through high school and gradually got into some weirder things over time. Radiohead was a massive influence for me and Amnesiac is still one of my all time favourite albums. Specifically Silverchair’s Diorama album was a big influence for me: it’s harmonically super complex and beautifully orchestrated by Van Dyke Parks. The Most Serene Republic were also really influential for me, and more recently These New Puritans. But overall my listening habits are actually pretty wide, so what I make is just as much a synthesis of all the instruments I’ve played and styles I’ve listened to over time.

Lack The Low-Future Heavy

I don’t really think it’s important to push yourself. I think making music is probably hard enough as it is, and trying to make something that sounds difficult might just result in something that sounds contrived, which is not really interesting to me. I think the real challenge of composition is to try to let through what comes most naturally and not overthink everything; to just be a conduit and serve the purpose of the song as purely and as authentically as possible.

Tell me about the steps you had to take in order to develop the facility/skills to create the music you make, did you have lessons or was there a method of study or practice you followed?  Was there any specific musicians that inspired you?

I had violin lessons through my childhood and saxophone lessons in high school and joined the school big band. Then towards the end of high school I started studying voice. I also started self-teaching piano and guitar along the way, and did grades in music theory as well. When it came to making work for Lack the Low, I also had to learn to record and mix everything. I already had some basic DAW skills from previous bands, but in 2015 I went really deep with Ableton and got into more if its functions, especially using samples and soft synths. I spent a number of months doing an online mixing course too, which gave me enough overview to get started. I wouldn’t call myself a very good engineer; I don’t think I have a very good mindset for the science behind it all. But I learned just enough to start producing my own work.In terms of self-producing, there’s a local musician called Aphir, who I’m close friends with and who is an incredibly good producer and engineer, and seeing her play live was a big inspiration for me to learn more about technologies that could allow me to become a more self-sufficient artist. With Ableton and a lot of hardware/software technologies, you really have to have good role models and people you can go to with questions because you come across issues that really aren’t self-evident. There’s a lot of trial and error and a lot of troubleshooting.

Lack The Low-The Daylight Is All Inside

How do you maintain your level of musicianship and ensure that you are becoming a better musician?

I practice singing daily, and I work as a singing teacher, so I spend a lot of time overall on my voice, and a lot of incidental time studying voice pedagogy and science. I also try to get in piano practice daily, and violin practice when I can. This year I started taking violin lessons for the first time in about 14 years, and piano lessons for the first time ever, so I’m focusing much more on building and keeping up my technique in those areas. But for the most part I find myself wishing I had the time to do more!

Tell me about how Lack The Low formed and what led you to starting this project? What were your creative intentions/musicals goals you had from the beginning and how has that changed from then to now?

Although there wasn’t a single moment, I feel it formed in around 2015 when I’d just moved back from the UK. While I was overseas I didn’t make that much music and didn’t have much of a musical support network, but when I moved back to Australia, I also started doing the Artist’s Way course and I felt like making something. I’d become very burned out being in previous bands and had felt really disillusioned by the music industry, so it took some real mental reframing to want to make music again. My only goal was basically, “Let’s see if I can make a whole album of music all by myself”. I didn’t want to think about releasing it, or whether it would be good or not, or whether anyone would hear it or like it, I just wanted to feel like I was capable of finishing a project of my own volition and gain the skills along the way to do that. And that took me three years, but I managed to do it. But when it came to releasing and having other people hear my work, I was kind of dumbfounded by the whole process. I had no expectations, so I took every lesson (good and bad) as gratefully as I could. Now my goals have much more of a sense of reality to them – it’s not just me making work in a vacuum for better or worse. Being able to complete my initial goal gave me some self-belief, so I’ve now been experimenting with different sounds and different aesthetics, trying to make more active decisions across the board.

My favourite thing about your debut is all the different musical directions and ideas that come together. How do you begin the songwriting process and how to approach connecting all of those different sections together? Is there a method that you follow or does it depend on what type of song you are working on?

I wish I had a process! Every song starts differently. In many ways I’m still a very traditional song writer in that I think of most songs initially as lyrics, melodies and chord progressions. It doesn’t come naturally to me to think texturally or in terms of sound design. So, some songs come fully formed and I write the lyrics in a single day, whereas some songs are slowly put together or given up on then revived over a number of years. Very occasionally I’ll start a song in-the-box but normally I write at the piano or combo organ or guitar. I feel much more at home with a real instrument in my hands. And then after that, the production often takes a really long time. I end up to-ing and fro-ing between different ways of fleshing things out, and eventually stitching it all together. I think that’s a reason many of my arrangements end up so Frankenstein’s monster-y. To some degree I’m going in blind without any assumptions and hoping ideas come to me that will best serve the song – that’s always the goal: to serve the emotion of the song. I think I really have no idea what an actual producer does or how they get anything done; for me production is like making a tapestry and it all takes forever.

Was your debut a concept record or anything you considered in terms of a narrative between the songs or the whole album? What did you want the listener to experience, think or feel with this release?

No, it’s not a concept record… I mostly tend to just focus on each song having its own world and meaning, and then staying as true to that single vision as possible. There’s a lot of different themes on the record, but a lot of it has to do with dark sides of humanity and personal growth. Some songs feel quite dystopian to me because I’m taking a kind of dark psychological theme and pushing it to its nth. The most important thing for me is that each song is really emotionally resonant in its own way. Complexity can be great and thought provoking, but communicating in an emotionally engaging way is really my main goal.

What were the main influences that you drew from when you were working on your debut album?

My influences can come from anywhere, but normally my songs are about philosophical ideas I’m trying to get my head around. Sometimes I find myself being really inspired by computer games, books, TV shows or films – anything that speaks to an idea that latches onto my brain.

How do you transfer the arrangements to a live setting since there’s an abundance of different instruments? Is this something you have to constantly think about when composing?

The answer is I don’t think about it at all when composing. But I really should. It would be way more sensible to only use sounds that I can replicate in a live setting,and one day I’d like to do a project like that again.

Lack The Low-Progress  (Live) 

(Recorded live, January 6th 2020, by Royal Ubiquitous Handycam)

But because I don’t have a band, I really took nothing for granted with this project. I remember having a realisation when I first started producing music for myself that was something along the lines of, “hey, I don’t even have to use hi-hats”. It sounds obvious, but I’d come from bands where you have a bassist and guitarist and drummer, and they all have to be playing for most of the song, and there are assumptions that each person makes about what kind of tones or parts of their instrument they’ll default to using. But I found it really freeing to realise I wasn’t constrained by that anymore. I didn’t have to feel guilty about not using cymbals for a whole song, like I’d be letting anyone down.

Also, there are a lot of sounds that are completely unreproducible live. For example, there are bird sounds and machine sounds that are field recordings I took myself that have been digitally twisted beyond recognition. There’s banjo in just one song, and bagpipe samples in another. It would be a total nightmare to make happen in the real world, note-for-note.

The one thing that did influence the writing process was when I was getting closer to completing the demos and recording everything, I’d locked in a really amazing trumpet player and French horn player to record the parts, and that made me really confident to go all out in the horn arrangements, especially for Seven Different Species – the trumpet and horn duet in that song is one of the things I’m proudest of.

Do you have a set rule or philosophy of how you want both of the different realms of performing live and what you hear on record? Do you think that everything should be repeated live as its heard or that the audience want to experience something that can only be witnessed from being at a show?

I think this depends on what part of the album/composition cycle I’m in. Generally what I find is that during the writing phase what you see live is fairly representative of what’s probably going on in my Ableton file, and more representative of how the recording is (or at least is at that moment). And if I’m in the release stage I do feel a certain obligation to have live versions sound enough like the recording. But after that I can depart pretty dramatically from the original recorded version, sometimes to the point where it’s almost unrecognisable.

I think this process is reflective of what it’s like to prepare for a live show as an electronic musician (and although my compositions don’t always sound electronic, I’m still using tools and a workflow that has its foundations in electronic production). When you’re in a band, you can take a written song to your band members, and they flesh it out for you and maybe you add it to your live set, and the song develops over time as a live performance potentially long before ever being recorded in any way. Whereas as an electronic or self-produced musician, you have to work in the opposite direction; often ending up with a recording long before you figure out how to deconstruct it or make it a performative “live” experience. And in my experience this creative deconstruction can happen more and more to a composition over time.

Tell about your live setup and the preferences within your setup? Is it combination of software and hardware instruments to emulate what is on the recorded album? Does this differ between what you use when recording and what you using in a live setting? Please go into detail for all of the gear ends out there.

My live set up changes pretty regularly, but currently most of the time I’m playing solo. I’m using a midi keyboard and a Novation launchpad going into Ableton. I’m mostly using the launchpad to trigger clips or to control Live’s looper, to make vocal loops. The keyboard is going into a variety of piano, synth and organ sounds, and I also have some additional vocal FX mapped to this so I can turn them on and off quickly. And then it all goes out through an interface and that’s about it! I’ve been trying to keep my live show as simple and effective as possible because I have the tendency to over complicate things, which then makes shows more stressful than they need to be.

You can purchase/stream/download Lack The Low’s music from the following links below and please follow these pages to keep with regular updates from the band:

https://linktr.ee/lackthelow

https://lackthelow.bandcamp.com/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/7BdQjLu3Ryk5DoQHQwYJ5a

https://www.instagram.com/lackthelow/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/LackTheLow

Marks Of Provenance III - A Bushfire Fundraiser by Provenance

All proceeds from the 14-track compilation will go directly to those affected by the Australian bushfire emergency via the Fire Relief Fund for First Nations Communities. The fund has been established by First Nations musician Neil Morris, in direct consultation with, and upon the request of, fire-affected First Nations communities, including those who have lost their homes and been forced to evacuate to other regions.

Lack The Low will be playing at Arctangent Festival in the UK this year! Make sure you get out there and watch her set!

https://arctangent.co.uk/tickets/

[beebomeebo]

Nerves pt. 2

Type: smut

(A/N) Hey, guys!!! I wanted to write a story that was broken up into many parts and because my best fic so far is Nerves, I thought I would continue it! I really hope you guys enjoy it!!! & a HUGE thanks to @ultimate-top-trash for giving me ideas and keeping me motivated. Sorry this is so long, I got lost in the story

Warnings: unprotected sex, hickeys, small tiny slap, annoying character, !!cute Tyler!!, a tiny bit of angst at the end, cursing, VERY LONG

Pairing: Tyler Joseph x Reader

Word count: 9.5k

PART 1

It has been about a month since Tyler and I’s first “tutor session” and we had another one planned for this weekend. Thinking about being alone with Tyler always got me excited. Not just because when we’re alone, “things” happen but because I can be myself around him. He always cracks jokes and never fails to make me laugh.

A faint buzz pulls me from my thoughts. I pull my phone out of my pocket and read the message:

Tyler :)

Hey! Wanna catch a movie after school today?

I smile at the text knowing that he actually wants to hang out with me. I quickly reply:

Yeah! I’m down!

I finish packing my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. I say goodbye to my mom and practically skip out the door to wait for my bus.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

It wasn’t long before Y/N replied to my text. I barely let my phone vibrate before I hurriedly yank the screen toward my face to read her reply:

Y/N :P

Yeah! I’m down!

Fuck yes! I thought. I was so excited I almost left my backpack in my room while walking out of the house. I run back inside and grab it and sprint back outside and practically throw myself in the car.

Hoping I get there before Y/N, I pull into the student parking lot and park my car. Grabbing my stuff, I quickly walk towards the piano room, a little earlier than usual.

Once there, I notice that the door is locked and the lights are off- which was unusual because Mr. Pike, the piano teacher, was usually here early in the morning. Being a teacher assistant in one of his classes, he trusted me with a key to the classroom. So, I unlocked the door and turned on the lights, taking in the wooden scented air. I glance down at my watch and realize Y/N won’t be here for another ten minutes. I decide to work on a song I had been writing for a couple days now. I soon lose myself in the chords of the piano.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

I met up with Tyler in the piano room before school like I have for the past week.

“Hey Mr. Magic-hands,” I laugh while entering the classroom. He had already set up and started playing.

“Will you quit calling me that?” Tyler asks slightly annoyed, keeping his focus on the music sheet.

I chuckle as I take my seat next to him. I notice the music sheet that was painted in messy notes and scribbles. “What you doing?” I turn my attention to him.

Frustrated, he replies, “I’m trying to write a song but I can’t get this melody down.” He plays a few notes but it quickly turns sour.

“Can I try?” I ask.

“Sure, but I doubt you’ll get-“ Before Tyler can finish his sentence I’m already testing out the melody he has written down, only changing two notes. Once done, I look to Tyler for approval. His jaw falls slightly as he stares at my fingers, puzzled.

“What? How?” He questions urgently.

“Well, instead of a G note here, I played an A note. And instead of a C note here, I played a G note,” I explain, playing the melody slower this time. “Try it.”

Tyler begins to mimic my movements and soon plays the notes beautifully. “Yes!” Tyler shouts in triumph. I laugh and applaud him.

“Maybe you should be the one teaching me,” Tyler jokes while changing the notes on his music sheet.

“Maybe I should,” I tease. “Let me hear the rest of it.”

Tyler’s tan face shifts to a red tone. “I-I don’t think that it’s done yet.”

I laugh. “I don’t give a shit. Show me what those magic hands can do!” I root Tyler on as he plays bits of the song he had written down. I noticed there were small words scribbled into the margins. Grabbing the paper I hold it up to my face to get a better look. “What’s this? Are these lyrics? Do you sing?” My excitement mixes with my words as my body perks up with energy.

Tyler immediately snatches the papers from my hand, shushing me. “Will you keep it down? I can’t even sing that well.”

I scoff. “Bullshit.” I nudge his ribs lightly. “C’mon! Sing for me Piano Man! Sing!” I tease him.

“Stop it!” Tyler laughs as he tries to avoid my nudges.

We soon start a full-on tickle war. I eventually run off and hide on the other side of the piano, keeping the instrument as a buffer zone between our bodies. Tyler chases me around the piano and into the pool of desks. Laughing I take a sharp turn down one of the aisles and Tyler begins to jump from desktop to desktop to catch up to me. Eventually, his arms wrap around my waist as he finally catches me. I lose my balance from all the laughing and crash into the floor; Tyler follows as all his weight was against me. We both start laughing uncontrollably on the floor.

“You cheated!” I blurt through laughter.

Jokingly offended Tyler retorts, “I did not!” He wraps his arms around my waist before I could get back up and make a run for it.

“Mr. Pike?” A voice from the doorway catches both of our attentions. A girl stood in the doorway and stared at us. “Is this a bad time?” The girl asks reluctantly.

“Oh, no. You’re fine,” Tyler says jumping onto his feet and helping me up before brushing himself off.

“Is Mr. Pike here?” She asks.

“I haven’t seen him yet,” Tyler answers, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh, I was going to ask him for help.” She begins walking out disappointed.

“Well, maybe I can help,” Tyler offers before she can completely disappear.

Shocked, the girl stammers, “A-Are you sure?”

“Yeah! I’d love to help,” He says as he clears off the piano. He sticks his hand out for a handshake and she takes it in hers.

“Rebecca.”

“Ty-“

She interrupts him, “I know who you are. You’re the best student in the class!” She beams a flashy smile.

I stick my hand to introduce myself but she keeps her attention focused on Tyler as she takes a seat next to him, pressing her leg against his.

“Oh, so you’re in sixth hour?”

“Yeah! I sit right behind you.” She giggles.

Feeling extremely uncomfortable in the situation I turn to Tyler and say, “I think I’m just going to head to my first period and get ahead.” I grab my backpack and make my way toward the door.

“Y/N! I’ll see you in class, right?” He shouts behind me.

“If you’re lucky,” I shout back, disappearing from their sight.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The classes before my piano class always seemed to drag out way too long. The dismissal bell finally rings and the teacher shouts something about finding the homework online. I weave my way through the sea of students while trying to make it to the piano classroom before Tyler. We had made it a race a couple weeks ago and the winner got bragging rights the entire day. I successfully sprint into the room before Tyler. I triumphantly take my seat that is only two down from his. I strike a cocky pose as I wait for Tyler to walk in. I soon see Tyler trip into the classroom. As he immediately perks up, he spots me and slouches his shoulders.

“This one doesn’t count!” Tyler pouts, sliding into his seat and trying to catch his breath. “My teacher kept me for a little.”

I roll my eyes. “All I hear are excuses.” I cockily check my nails as if I chipped them.

“Where’s your friend?” I raise an eyebrow at the empty seat behind Tyler. He turns around and shrugs.

Suddenly a squeaky voice grabs our attention. “Hi, Tyler!” Rebecca waves excitedly to Tyler. He flashes a friendly smile back.

She basically talks his ear off as her words fly out of her mouth, “Thanks so much for helping me this morning. You were so helpful. Oh, and that song you were writing sounded beautiful- I especially loved the lyrics.”

I raise an eyebrow at her words. He showed her the song?

I decide to text Tyler:

So, looks like you have an admirer lol

He looks down at his phone and rolls his eyes.

“Speaking of helping me, do you think you could come over and tutor me after school today?” She’s practically bouncing in her seat.

Tyler’s gaze moves from her to me to back to her. “I was actually going to see a movie today with Y/N.”

Rebecca doesn’t hide her disappointment at all as her body slouches back in her seat. Then her face lights up again. “Well, what about tomorrow after school?”

I look over to Tyler and we make eye contact; I can tell by the look on his face that he had no clue what to do. I turn my head and take a sip of my water, giving him a “you’re on your own” look.

“Uh, I gue-“

“Great! It’s a date!” She cuts him off.

I almost spit my water out on the kid in front of me. This catches not only the attention of the kid in front of me, but Tyler and Rebecca. I harshly swallow the rest of the water. “Sorry,” I apologize, “Wrong pipe.”

Rebecca glares at me through cold eyes and I glance over to Tyler as he’s laughing his ass off. He almost falls out of his seat at one point. I chuck a piece of paper at him to get him to stop.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

After sixth period, the rest of the day dragged on way too long. I couldn’t wait to hang out with Y/N. All I could do all day was dream about her Y/H/C framing her face and her full lips.

The final bell rings and my energy shoots through the roof as I throw everything into my backpack and make my way to the piano room. I shoot Y/N a text:

Hey, I’m in the piano room. :)

I begin to play games on my phone while I wait for her to arrive. Not even a minute later I see a figure walk into the room. Reaching for my stuff I ask, “You ready to go?”

“Where are we going?” I finally look up to see who the figure was.

“Rebecca?” I look at her confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I forgot my book in here.” She says, obviously nervous. She quickly grabs the nearest book and holds it up.

“That’s a class set.” I chuckle.

“Oh,” she says, trying to laugh it off. “Oh! I remember! I left it in my locker.”

I nod my head expecting her to leave but she just stands there.

She finally breaks the awkward silence, “Hey, do you think I could get your phone number?”

Mad at Y/N for not getting here sooner I reply, “Sure.” I spell out the digits as she punches it into her phone. “Thank you! I’ll text you later!” She giggles and finally leaves the room.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

As I approach the piano room I see Rebecca skip out of the room. She makes eye contact with me and shoots me a judgmental look. I enter the room confused. “What did you do?” I tease.

Tyler rolls his eyes as he gathers his stuff. “I gave her my phone number.”

“Dangerous,” I whisper. “You ready?”

“Very much so. Let’s get out of here,” He says offering my arm. I accept and we walk towards the student parking lot together.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“What do you want to eat?” Tyler asks scanning the menu.

“Tyler, it’s the movies. You eat popcorn at the movies,” I retort.

He smiles at my teasing. “Yeah well, what if I’m allergic to popcorn?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“I’ve seen you scarf down a whole bag of freshly made popcorn in Mr. Pike’s class, dude. You’re not fooling anyone.”

He laughs, showing his bright teeth. “You’re right.”

“Next,” the kid behind the counter shouts as the person in front of us removes themselves from the line. Tyler gives the cashier our order and pays for it. He grabs our drinks as I grab the popcorn.

“Butter?” I ask.

“Obviously,” Tyler replies. “I’ll go find our seats.”

I pretty much drench the popcorn in butter, shaking the bag to make sure that the fatty liquid seeps all the way to the bottom. When I’m satisfied with the amount of butter I make my way to the theater.

I enter the dark room and search for Tyler. I suddenly see someone waving at me. I happily make my way up the stairs to greet the boy. I throw a few pieces of popcorn into my mouth as I sit down.

“Fatass,” Tyler jokes as he reaches for the bag.

“Lover boy,” I tease and he rolls his eyes.

As if right on cue I see an overly excited girl quickly bouncing her way towards Tyler.

“Tyler!” The girl squeals.

Tyler takes in a deep breath before plastering a fake smile on his face to greet the girl.

“Hi Rebecca,” He says unenthusiastically.

“I’ve been texting you.” She quickly sits in the chair next to Tyler.

“Oh,” Tyler says, obviously looking for an excuse. “My phone died.”

“That’s ok.” She directs her attention to the previews as Tyler and I exchange a look.

I finally speak up, “So, Rebecca, who did you come here with?”

“No one,” She replies flatly.

I sit back in my seat and realize this is going to be a long night.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

About thirty minutes into the movie, Tyler pulls that stupid fake stretch so he can put his arm around me. And it’s obvious that Rebecca doesn’t like that because she complains about being cold and asks if she could borrow Tyler’s hoodie. Tyler sighs and hands his jacket over to her. Once it’s fitted over her she tries to snuggle up against him.

“I’ll be right back.” Tyler gets up quickly.

“Where are you going?” Rebecca asks quicker.

“Bathroom.”

Fuck. Now I’m alone here with Crazy Bitch.

We both sit in silence as we watch the movie. Every once in a while, I can see her glare at me as if checking me out. I feel a buzzing in my jeans and I pull my phone out to see a text from Tyler:

Meet me.

I notice Rebecca trying to read my screen so I quickly shove my phone back in my pocket and look back at her. She whips her head back to the movie screen but I keep looking at her. She finally makes eye contact with me.

“What?” She says rudely.

“You’re crazy.” I quickly stand up and leave her alone in the theater before she could say anything else.

As I exit the movie to look for Tyler I’m pulled to the side.

“She’s fucking crazy, dude,” He whispers in a panic.

“I’m fully aware,” I respond.

“We need to do something about it. Look how many texts she’s sent me since school ended.” He flashes his notifications at me to display an abundance of texts and calls. “28 text messages.”

His phone buzzes in his hand. “29.” I laugh but Tyler shoots me an unamused look. “Let’s just leave her and go back to your place or something.”

“She had my hoodie,” Tyler mentions.

“I’ve got this.” I hand him my purse before making my way back into the theater.

I build up the courage to go up to Rebecca who has her arms crossed. “What do you want?” She spits.

“Uh, yeah, Tyler is throwing up in the bathroom and he just wants to go home so can I get his hoodie back?” I ask.

“No,” She replies flatly turning her attention back to the movie.

“Why?”

“Because you’re just trying to come in between me and Tyler.”

“Um, what?” I nearly choke on my own spit.

“Your little mind tricks won’t work on me.” She begins to stand up and walk towards me aggressively. “You can try and deceive Tyler but you can’t fool me.” I can tell she’s trying to get in my face but due to her height- or lack of- she looks up to me.

“Look, can I just have the jacket or not?” I ask, done with her bullshit.

“No, but what you can have is this.” She raises her hand and quickly brings it down on my cheek. The whole theater turns around at the loud smack.

I nod my head and laugh. “Ok.”

“Yeah, fuck you,” She threatens.

“Oh sweetie,” I laugh. “Tyler already did that.” I turn around before she could do anything else.

When I exit the theater, Tyler begins to panic.

“What the fuck happened to your face? What happened?” He reaches for my face.

“Oh, she slapped me,” I said nonchalantly. Tyler begins to panic more. “I’ll tell you about it in the car.”

We walk as fast as we can to get to Tyler’s car. Once inside and safe I tell him the whole story.

“You told her we fucked?” Tyler’s voice kicks up a few notches as he abruptly stops at a stop sign.

“Yeah,” I begin to regret my words.

Tyler pauses. “Did she at least look pissed?”

“Hella pissed.” We both laugh.

We continue to joke about Rebecca and how her and Tyler and destined to be together. After we calm down I begin to lose myself in the radio.

“You know,” Tyler speaks up, “I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend today.”

“Really?” I ask.

“Yeah but that kind of got ruined,” He laughs nervously.

“It’s ok.” I smile.

Tyler smiles back and for a moment I feel at peace. Until a vibration from Tyler’s phone breaks the feeling. I pick up the device. “Rebecca’s calling,” I point out.

“Let it go to voicemail.”

I obey and let the call expire before reading the endless amount of texts that she sent him.

“’She slapped me’? Really? She thinks that’s going to work?” I laugh putting his phone back into the cup holder.

After a few minutes of silence, Tyler pulls into my driveway. Tired as hell, I wave goodbye and head inside, ready to sleep all this crazy drama off.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

Making sure Y/N got into her house before I drive off, I finally decide it’s time to block Rebecca’s number. I click open my home screen and click on her info. Before finally blocking her number. The silence afterward felt peaceful. I continue to enjoy the lack of notifications from my phone and arrive home.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*NEXT DAY*

I trudge into the piano classroom before school. “Morning, Tyler.” Mr. Pike greets me through his computer screen.

“Morning, Mr. Pike,” I reply as I take a seat and lay my head on my desk.

“Long night?”

“Too long.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I can’t help but spill all the stress that has been bubbling inside me; from wanting to wait for the perfect moment to ask Y/N out to Rebecca being insane.

“Rebecca? The one that sits behind you?” Mr. Pike questions.

“Yes, I really don’t want to have to deal with her or put Y/N through that,” I explain.

“I think it’s about time that I change the seating arrangement anyway, don’t you think?” He laughs.

“Really? That would be great. Thank you so much.” My body relaxes.

“Just don’t mention that it was for you and act surprised.” He winks.

Just then, Y/N walks in. She looks exhausted.

“You ok?” I ask as she takes the desk next to mine.

She digs her face into her arms, grunting. I playfully rub her back as she takes a nap.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

I groaned in protest at the starting bell. I glance once more at Tyler and smile. He was working on his music again. He was so cute when he was focused. I couldn’t help but watch as Tyler pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

“It’s considered rude to stare,” He finally says.

I grunt in response. “I don’t care.”

“C’mon, I’ll walk you to class.” He packs his things up and offers his hand. I take it, grabbing my own backpack and walking with laced fingers through the hall.

“So, what are you going to do about tonight?” I question as we approach my classroom.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll come over.” He winks making me chuckle. “I’ll figure something out.” He plants a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t die,” he jokes as breaks away from me.

“No promises,” I reply as I enter my classroom.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I was both excited and anxious as fifth hour crept to an end. Sixth hour meant I got to see Tyler, but with all the drama that Rebecca had been causing just in the last day, I was dreading being in the same room as both of them. The dismissal bell rang and I didn’t even bother trying to race Tyler. When I got into the classroom, Tyler’s seat was empty. I shrugged my shoulders, taking my seat and burying my face in my phone. I kept hearing snickers around me so I lift my head to see where they were coming from. I wasn’t surprised to see a group of girls that Rebecca, who was wearing Tyler’s hoodie that she stole, was talking to was staring right at me. I flash a sarcastic smile and turn back to my phone. When Tyler finally enters the room the peanut gallery erupts in laughter. Not noticing the swooning girls, Tyler slugs over to his desk. We exchange tired looks and turn back to our phones.

They were laughing at me, weren’t they?

The text from Tyler pops up on my screen.

Both of us, actually.

I reply. I can hear Tyler scoff.

“Alright class,” Mr. Pike booms over the class chatter. “We have new seating arrangements.”

Mr. Pike directs everyone to stand on the edges of the class. Tyler and I exchange looks and he tries to cover up his excitement with fake surprise.

“Did you ask him to do this?” I whisper as we watch Mr. Pike seat the class. He calls on three students before calling on Rebecca to sit in the desk that was right in front of his.

Tyler replies as if acting offended, “What? I had nothing to do with this.” He gives a devilish smirk and winks.

I roll my eyes at his charming smile. Mr. Pike continues to read out the seating arrangement, placing me and Tyler closer to the back; this time, our seats were directly next to each other's. I try to conceal my excitement as the class starts.

Throughout the class, Rebecca kept glaring back at me and Tyler.

“Rebecca, is there something interesting in the back of the class?” Mr. Pike interrogates, standing directly in front of her desk. Her head whips forward to look up at him.

“Uh, no Mr. Pike,” She responds.

“That’s what I thought. Now, you all know that the bi-weekly performance is this Friday. I hope you all have been practicing.” Mr. Pike explains as he takes his seat at his desk.

“Shit,” I mutter.

Tyler leans over and whispers, “I guess I’m coming over then?”

I laugh and push him back into his seat. “If you’re lucky.”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

Near the end of eighth hour, I decide to text Y/N.

What time am I coming over? ;) :P

Almost immediately I get a response:

My house will be empty from 4 to sometime tomorrow night. So, pack an overnight bag because I haven’t practiced at all.

I smile down at the text, eager for the clock to turn to 4 o’clock already.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Once the bell rings I nearly fly out of the room, almost forgetting my work. I yank the assignment from my teacher’s hand and weave through the crowd of students, making my way to the student parking lot.

As I’m driving home I can’t help but replay our first tutor session; the way her jeans shaped her backside perfectly and how adorable she looked in her baggy sweatshirt. The way she tied her beautiful Y/H/C up in a ponytail drove me crazy. I always loved it when Y/N wore her “lazy clothes.” It was mostly on Monday’s I saw her at her most comfortable state. Other than that, she usually just wore skinny jeans, a band tee and a pair of vans or converses.

I finally pull into my driveway and turn my car off, heading into my house.

“Hi, honey! How was school?” My mom calls out from the living room.

“Boring,” I reply quickly. “Josh invited me to sleep over and catch a ride to school tomorrow,” I announce as I jog up the stairs and throw my door closed before she could say anything else. Glancing at my watch I notice that I only have about an hour to get ready. I decide to take a shower and then change my clothes.

I swiftly strip myself of my clothes and hop in the shower, turning on my music on the way in. I don’t spend long and I quickly hop out. While trying to dry myself off I frantically search for an outfit to wear. I decide to throw on a fairly nice button up and leave untucked from my black jeans. I throw a hoodie and an extra outfit into my backpack. As I slip on my shoes I glance one last time at the clock: 3:54. Perfect.

I grab my car keys and jog back down the stairs, waving my mom goodbye and heading out the door.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

I practically throw the front door off the hinges as I zoom past my parents in the living room and sprint down the hallway into my room. Different articles of clothing scattered the floor and my sheets on my bed were hanging off the edges. I devise a plan to fix all of it in the shortest amount of time. After about seven minutes of cleaning, I take a step back and scan the room one last time before deciding it was clean enough. I glance at my alarm clock and notice I have about an hour until Tyler comes over. I decide to browse Tumblr and Youtube for a little bit.

After about half an hour my mom knocks on my door telling me that they’re leaving.

“Ok, mom,” I shout through the door. “Don’t die.”

Soon after I hear her car pull out of the driveway and I’m left in my house watching cat videos.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Around 3:55 I get a text from Tyler letting me know that he’s on his way. I smile to myself and shut down my computer. I make my way into my bathroom to do one last check before Tyler arrives. Running my fingers through my hair I imagine what tonight will be like; cuddling and watching Netflix, ordering pizza and just chilling in bed. The ring of the doorbell pulls me out of my thoughts. Excitement bubbles in my stomach as I approach the front door. I take a deep breath as I reach for the doorknob. When I open the door, Tyler flashes a wide grin and I can’t help but stare at the way his eyes crinkles a bit. I notice he’s wearing one of his “nice shirts” and I notice how the sleeves are just a tiny bit too tight, showcasing his muscles a little.

“Can you let me in? It’s a little cold out here.” Tyler pulls me out of my thoughts.

“No, I’m going to make you sleep out here,” I tease standing out of the doorway so Tyler could enter.

“Where should I put my backpack?” Tyler asks scanning my house as I close the door behind him.

“You can just put it in my room,” I say as I walk towards the kitchen.

“Yes, because I have your house memorized from the many times I’ve been here before,” Tyler drowns his response in sarcasm.

I shoot him an unamused glance and hold my hand out to take his backpack; it was lighter than usual. I walk down the hall and drop the backpack just inside the doorway. I then turn back to Tyler. So, what do you want to do first?”

“Wasn’t the point of this whole thing for me to help you practice for the performance on Friday?” Tyler raises an eyebrow.

Clicking my tongue, I reply, “Yeah, I guess it was.” I turn on my heels and head back into my room.

Tyler follows, taking in the room when his eyes fall onto my keyboard. Almost as if he was in a trance, Tyler almost floats to the board; he runs his fingers across the black and white keys. “This is a nice keyboard,” He finally speaks.

“Yeah,” I breathe, “I got it for Christmas.”

Tyler sits down and begins to play a few notes. I join him and watch as his finger dance over the keys. He seems to lose himself in the music and I can’t find myself to not stare at how concentrated he is. When his song ends, he beams a proud grin.

“Ok, so practice,” He breaks the silence. “Let me see your music sheet.” I nod and stroll to my backpack and snag the paper from my folder; holding it out to Tyler, he takes the sheet and examines the notes. “Go ahead and play,” he says while placing the music on the stand.

I begin playing and finish a lot sooner than I expected. I look to Tyler for approval.

“Are you sure you haven’t practiced this before?” He quizzes me.

“Well, maybe like once but not as much as I should have,” I reply.

He narrows his eyes at me. “You played the song flawlessly.” He trails off. “That’s talent.”

“Or I just have a really good teacher,” I joke, nudging his ribs. We both share a laugh. “So, what do you want to do now since I’ve mastered the song?”

Tyler gives a devilish smirk and glances at my bed. “I know something we could do.”

I look back at my bed and get the hint. Looking back at Tyler I return the smirk.

“BLANKET FORT!” We both yell at the same time as we break into a dash towards the bed. I cut off, running toward the closet where we kept extra blankets and pillows. Tyler hobbles out of my room with arms full of sheets and pillows. He almost knocks into me on his way into the living room. I swoop up all the materials I was physically able to acquire, waddling my way towards Tyler- who was already setting up pillow walls. I toss my load on top of Tyler’s that he dropped. I take a moment to watch Tyler set up blankets on top of pillows; he strategically drapes different blankets around different angles. And for the first time in a while, I felt like a little kid again.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

It felt like I was a little kid again, throwing pillows across the room and building something straight from my imagination. The blanket fort ends up stretching from the TV to the couch to the dining room- which was located between the living room and the kitchen. We draped one of the blankets over the TV and made a mini couch out of pillows so we could enjoy Netflix inside the fort.

“This isn’t half bad,” Y/N exclaims, throwing the last blanket to complete the fort.

My excitement bubbles. “It’s so cool!” I dip my head under to take a view inside. Y/N joins me as we tour our temporary living space. We end up on the mini couch and browse through Netflix. We decide to watch a horror movie. About halfway through, I notice that my stomach is beginning to hurt.

“Hey,” I say turning to Y/N. “Are we going to have dinner?”

“I can order pizza,” She replies.

I nod and she pulls out her phone to call the pizza place. I pull out my phone to look up the number but Y/N puts up her hand to stop me. “No need,” She puts the phone up to her ear, “I have them on speed dial.”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

About the time the movie ends, the doorbell rings. Y/N has to army crawl under the fort to reach the front door due to how low the blankets droop. She excitedly swings the front door open, nearly knocking the fort over. She quickly signs for the pizza and closes the door. Crawling back under the fort, Y/N nearly drops the box a few times. I grab the box from her as she takes her spot next to me, pressing her thigh against my leg. As soon as I open the box up Y/N is already grabbing for a slice. I give her a look.

“What?” She asks innocently, shoving the tip of the pizza in her mouth.

I can’t help but laugh at how adorable she looked. “Nothing,” I replied.

We continue the last bit of the movie and flip on Youtube. We begin to watch funny fail compilations as we finish off our pizza. After the feast, I begin to feel sleepy so I decide to stretch my arms out a little bit. As they’re coming down I “accidentally” wrap my arm around Y/N’s shoulders. She giggles but cuddles up to my body. A part pops up where the video shows a guy breaking his ankle and Y/N spins her head from it, tucking it into my chest. I laugh, tracing my thumb in circles on her arm. I pull her tight against my skin and plant a gentle kiss on the top of her hair.

“Is it gone?” Y/N reluctantly asks.

I turn my attention back to the TV. “Yeah, it’s gone.”

A relieved sigh escapes her lips as her head lifts back up. She keeps herself pressed against my body as her legs tangle with mine, placing one hand behind my back and one on my chest. She fixes her head into the crook of my neck. After a little, I notice Y/N begin to shiver slightly. I gingerly begin to rub my hand up and down her arm and with the hand that’s on my chest, she traces circles.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

My entire body shrivels at the exposed bone. I instinctively whip my head away from the gore, shoving my face against Tyler. Memories of broken bones from my childhood pop up and my heart picks up speed along with my breathing. Tyler, sensing my discomfort, traces circles on my exposed skin. My body calms, melting into the warmth he gives off. When he lays a kiss in my hair all the bad thoughts disappear. For a quick moment, my mind trails off imagining myself pressed against Tyler’s bare chest, his bronze skin under my fingertips. A sudden crack from the TV pulls me from my thoughts.

“Is it gone?” I ask, scared that the thoughts will come flooding back.

Once Tyler tells me it’s clear I pick my head back up. I cuddle up to him, making my best effort to feel as much of his soft skin on mine. Snaking my arms around his body, I loop my legs with his.

My attention can’t stay focused on the video as my eyes wander up and down Tyler’s body. I keep remembering the events that took place on our first tutoring session. Does he even like me? Was that night just a one-time thing? Well, if he doesn’t like me, why is he cuddling with me? I think to myself.

“Hey, you ok?” Tyler’s voice yanks me from my thoughts. He leans his head away so he can see my face. I quickly look up.

Shaking off my anxiety I answer, “Yeah, I’m good.” Our eyes meet and I lose myself in his chocolate brown eyes. He swats away a stray hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. His fingertips dance along my cheek bone and down my jawline, leaving a trail of warmth. I study the features of his face before Tyler wraps his hand around my ear, caressing my cheek. He gently pulls my face towards his and our lips meet in the middle, locking in a passionate embrace. His lips were just as soft as a month before. My body screams for more of his touch as I roll on top of him. Tyler’s free hand grazes down my back, lying flat on the small of it. The kiss promptly heats up, turning into a battle of sloppy and hungry dominance. Tyler’s hand laces into my hand, gripping onto the strands and pulling my head to one side; his kisses fall off my lips and trail down my cheek, over my jawline, and onto my neck. He gingerly nips at my sensitive skin. A whimper slips from between my lips as Tyler’s teeth grasp at my neck. My hands wander his chest and my fingers fidget with the buttons of his shirt. Tyler connects our lips once again as I finish unfastening his shirt. I hungrily attack the boy’s neck as I shove his shirt open, exposing his chest. My hands explore the tanned skin as my teeth grab at the sensitive skin on his throat. A groan escapes Tyler and his hands wander down to the hem of my shirt. I break away from him, allowing for the fabric to be stripped from my body. Tyler’s pink lips ambush my own as he presses my chest to his. I run my hands up and down the sides of his ribs, feeling the curves of his fit body. My fingers wander down to the belt loops of his jeans as I grind my hips against his lap, creating friction between us.

Tyler smirks through the kiss and rolls over, pinning my back against the pillow couch. He sits up, his head brushing the blanket roof. The blanket becomes untucked as it falls around his face. I giggle as Tyler gives a defeated sigh. I sit up the best I can to move the fabric from his face. Once I’m able to make eye contact with him again, I give an amused smile. He mimics and presses an energetic kiss to my lips, bouncing off me and hurriedly crawls back under the fort and disappears into the hallway. I roll my eyes as I follow him. At the end of the fort, Tyler pulls me to my feet and pins me to the nearby wall. He urges my wrists to the wallpaper as he attacks my lips.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a while,” He whispers against the kiss. With his chest pressing against mine, I press my hips to his.

I whisper back, “So have I.”

His hands drift down to my butt, giving it a quick squeeze before lifting my leg around his hip. With my hands free, I wrap my arms around Tyler’s neck, pulling him closer. He takes a slight step from the wall and sweeps up the other leg, holding his free hand under my butt for support. I slightly jump to wrap my legs tightly around Tyler’s waist, keeping myself close to him. With my body in his arms, Tyler makes his way into my bedroom. He fumbles getting to my bed, nearly dropping me a few times. He attempts to throw me onto my bed but loses balance and topples on top of me. We both laugh before resuming our previous business.

“You’re so beautiful,” Tyler whispers against my lips. He then breaks away from me, standing next to the bed. He begins to unbuckle his jeans but I push his hands away, sitting at the edge of the bed. With his crotch only inches from my face, I look up at Tyler- his eyes are dark and half-lidded, and his hand pets the side of my face. I maintain eye contact as I pull his zipper down and shove his jeans off his hips. A caged erection stretches from between his legs and I palm it in my hand. Placing sweet kisses above the elastic band of his boxers, I slip my fingertips under the hem. I hold eye contact with Tyler while I pull his boxers down to his ankles. He sharply inhales through his teeth before stepping out of the clothing that was pooling around his feet and kicking it to the side. My eyes finally land on his exposed erection. It’s just as big as last time. I smile up at him and take his member into my hand, pumping it up and down his shaft. Tyler’s eyes fall closed and his head tips back as I pick up speed. I slow down and kiss the head of his erection, earning a moan from Tyler. His hand twists into my hair on the back of my head, gently urging my face closer. Obeying his wishes, I wrap my lips around his cock and slowly begin to bob my head. Tyler gives a load groan when I hollow my cheeks and shove more of him into his mouth; his grip on my hair tightens as his hip buck into my face. I pick up speed and with the length I can’t take in my mouth, I pump my hand around it, giving small twists.

“Oh, fuck,” Tyler groans. I can feel his member begin to twitch in my mouth. He quickly pulls himself out of his mouth and I look up to him, confusion flooding my face. “I don’t want to cum just yet.”

He crouches down to meet my face and connects our lips in a passionate kiss, pushing me back to the center of the bed. I take my hair out of the ponytail before resting my head on one of my pillows. Tyler’s lips trail down to my neck, sucking at my sweet spot. I groan, pressing my hips up against him, hoping he’ll get the hint. Tyler chuckles darkly, only sucking harder. The hunger grows as Tyler’s kisses wander down my collar bone and over my breasts. He reaches around to unhook my bra, pulling the straps from my shoulders and flinging the clothing across the room. Smiling darkly, Tyler takes up one breast in his hand begins kissing the other, sucks and biting at the nipple. My hands find his hair and my nails dig deep into his shoulder. Still sucking on my breast, Tyler’s hand plays with the buttons on my jeans, eventually pushing the fabric to my ankles. Tyler breaks away to see my panties. He licks his lip and pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth. He hooks his fingers around the thin part and drags the lacey fabric down my legs to expose my core. Tyler pauses for a moment, shifting himself on his knees and propping himself on his ankles to enjoy my exposure. I spread my legs a bit wider for him, showing that my body is all his. Tyler’s eyes eat up how wet my core is and he chews at his bottom lip. He smirks back at me before easing himself on his stomach and propping my leg up on his shoulder. He leaves hot, sloppy kisses on my inner thighs before hovering over my entrance. My hips roll, begging for any friction Tyler can give me. A chuckle escapes his mouth before he presses his fingers around my folds. I moan at his touch and this fuels Tyler to slowly slide one finger inside me. My moan grows louder, still hungry for more.

“You look so sexy, Y/N. I wish I could keep you like this forever.” Tyler’s hot breath washes over my core, sending shivers up my spine.

“Play your cards right and you can,” I moan back, my head buries into the pillows. Tyler presses a smirk against my folds and his tongue plays with my wetness.

My breathing hitches as I race to grab Tyler’s hair. He spends no time picking up speed and my hips roll to the rhythm of his tongue. Tyler holds on to my leg to keep me still and circles my sweet spot with his thumb. A mixture of moans and his name escapes me as a warm fuzzy feeling begins to wash over me.

“Tyler, don’t stop. I-I’m going to c-cum,” I stutter as my body begins to shake.

Tyler picks up speed, flicking his tongue across my clit. His fingers hastily pump in and out of me, curling inside to hit my g-spot. As I’m sent over my edge, Tyler moans against my lips and my hips buck against his face. I plethora of moans fill the room as Tyler lets me ride out my high.

Tyler crawls back up to meet me. He roughly kisses me and I can taste myself on his lips. I wrap my legs around his waist and flip us over so I’m straddling Tyler’s hips. I bend down to give Tyler a hungry kiss before reaching between both of our bodies and grasping his member. Looking deep into Tyler’s eyes I ease myself around his length. As I slowly slide down him, we both let out a moan. Tyler grips onto my hips as I set my hands on his chest for support. I quickly kick up the speed, letting my body bounce up and down. The faster I bounce, the more I feel Tyler fill me up and soon enough the familiar fuzzy feeling pools in my stomach. Tyler groans a mixture of expletives and my name, encouraging me. He begins to buck his hips upwards to get deeper into me and I can feel my orgasm creep closer quickly.

“You’re so big, Tyler,” I moan nearing my climax. Tyler slams me down one more time before I’m sent over my edge. My back arches and my head falls back as the cool feeling pulses through my veins, stretching from my stomach to my fingertips. Once my orgasm slows to a stop I slump over Tyler but he keeps a hold of my hips, sloppily thrusting into me.

“I’m almost there, baby girl.” Tyler’s voice echoes along with the sound of slapping skin. I slam myself back against his lap and Tyler’s breath quickly hitches as his body begins to twitch. His arms wrap around my body, pulling me close against his skin as I feel him fill me up. I grind my hips against his member, letting him ride out his orgasm. “Fuck,” He whispers in the crook of my neck.

I bury my face against his shoulder as I attempt to catch my breath. He keeps his hold around me tight as he sweetly kisses my neck. I giggle, sitting up enough to find his face. I give a wide grin.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

All I can think about as I stare into her Y/E/C eyes is how much I like her, how beautiful and funny she is. I loosen my hold on her so I can caress her face. Her cheeks redden and she clings onto my wrist. Our lips connect in a loving kiss before she breaks away.

“We should probably get cleaned up,” Y/N giggles.

I help her off of me and follow her into the bathroom. I lean against the sink and admire her as she starts a shower. Once she decides it’s warm enough she steps in and I join. We clean each other off and I enjoy the sight of water running down her body. I pull her into a loving embrace and she gives me a quick peck before going back to clean herself. When we both clean off, Y/N stops the shower and we hop out. I race to snatch the towel before she can. Y/N crosses her arms against her chest and pouts.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I drag my words out. “Did you want this?” I point to the towel that’s wrapped around my hips.

“Yeah. I did.” She rolls her eyes before stomping off to find another towel. I chuckle, watching her curves bounce at every step she makes. I re-enter her room and dry off my chest and hair. Searching for the remote I hear Y/N come back.

“It’s on the nightstand.” Her voice fills the room.

I turn my attention to her bedside table and grab the remote. I jump onto her bed and start to flicker through the channels.

“Uh, uh.” Y/N says from the bathroom. I look towards her to see what she’s disapproving of. She looks me up and down. “Go dry off more and get your pajamas on,” She scoffs.

I stick my tongue at her before lifting myself back onto my feet and heading for my backpack. I fish for my pajamas that I brought and quickly slip into the soft fabric. When I turn back around, Y/N is already in hers with her hair wrapped up in a towel.

“Is that my hoodie?” I ask, noticing that the hoodie looked familiar and was a little too big on her.

Y/N giggles. “Maybe.” She crawls into bed, unwrapping her hair from the towel.

“You look hot in it,” I say joining her.

She cuddles up to me and I wrap my arm around her. My heartbeat slows for the first time in a while and I feel completely happy. “Y/N, I really like you.” The words escape my lips. Y/N looks up at me, looking at me like she was trying to figure out if I meant it. After a while of searching my face, she smiles. She holds my cheek and brings her lips to mine sweetly.

“I really like you, too,” She whispers, pressing her forehead against mine. We both break into a smile and I kiss her again passionately.

“Cool.” I smile as she sets her head back on my chest.

After a few episodes of Law and Order, my eyelids become heavy and I drift to sleep.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV* *NEXT MORNING*

I wake up to the smell of cooking. As my eyes adjust to the light of the room I feel around for Tyler. I notice that there is an empty space where Tyler was. I groan, not wanting to get up. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed I glance over to the alarm clock. 5:44. Why is he up so early? School doesn’t start for another hour and a half.

I make my way down the hallway and through my living room- that was now clear of the fort from the previous night- and into my kitchen. I notice a figure standing at the stove with their back to me.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” The figure glances over their shoulder to smile at me.

I give a sleepy smile back. “Good morning, Tyler.” Leaning against the frame of the kitchen I admire how Tyler makes breakfast.

After a while, Tyler passes me with two plates- not before planting a kiss on my forehead- and I follow him into the dining room. I take my seat and cross my legs as Tyler places my plate in front of me. Before Tyler could even sit down, I was already attacking the food on my plate.

“Slow down, girl,” Tyler laughs.

I pause and jokingly slow down my pace a lot. Tyler rolls his eyes and strikes up a conversation. We talk about what we dreamt about last night and what classes we have today.

“How are you feeling?” He asks as I finish the last bit of eggs I had on my plate.

“Well, my legs are kind of sore,” I reply

“What? Why?” He asks, the questions drowned in concern.

I shoot him a look.

“Oh,” He clicks his fork against the plate and blushes, “last night.” He awkwardly laughs.

Once finished with my breakfast I stand up. “Well, I’m going to get dressed for today.” I peck Tyler on the lips before taking my plate into the kitchen and placing it into the sink. I then head towards my room to get ready for the school day. I throw on an old band shirt and some skinny jeans from my closet. Then I head into the bathroom to put on the minimal amount of makeup I usually put on and brush my teeth. As I apply my mascara, I hear Tyler shuffle through his bag for his clothes. I make my way back out to my room and catch Tyler in the middle of changing.

As he slips on his shirt he flashes me a smile. “You’re so cute.”

All I can do is roll my eyes. “You might want to hurry up,” I say pointing to the clock.

We both throw on our shoes and pack our stuff. I skip out the door to hop into Tyler’s car, quickly plugging the aux chord into my phone so I could play my music. As Tyler starts the car, my music begins playing through his sound system. Tyler plants a kiss on my forehead before pulling out of my driveway.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It only takes about ten minutes before we pull into the student parking lot of our school. I keep my music blasting as Tyler parks his car. As he hops out I finally unplug my phone and shove it into my back pocket. I grab my backpack from the back seat and skip up to Tyler to lace my hand with his. We tell funny stories about our childhood all the way to Mr. Pike’s room.

Tyler unlocks the door and flicks the light on. We both throw our things next to the piano and start organizing his room for the start of the day. Once done, I notice that I didn’t pee before I left the house and my bladder was screaming at me.

“I need to go to the bathroom real quick,” I say, already making my way out of the classroom.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*TYLER’S POV*

As Y/N leaves I begin to work on the song I’ve been putting together. Not that while later I hear someone come back into the classroom. Without looking up from the piano keys I say, “Well, that was quick.”

“What?” The voice said.

Confused by the higher pitch I turn my attention to the figure. My face falls into a slight panic.

“Hi, Tyler.” The bubbly voice says.

“Uh, hi Rebecca…” I reply reluctantly.

She takes the spot on the stool next to mine, pressing her hip to mine. I try to scoot away from her but she keeps closing in on me. “I thought you were supposed to come over last night. You weren’t answering any of my texts or calls.”

Avoiding eye contact I reply, “I got grounded.”

Rebecca pauses. “Is that a hickey?” Her question snaps.

Shit. I try and cover the bruise but she shoves my hand away. “It is!” She exclaims.

I quickly get up and grab my backpack. “Look, Rebecca, you’re really creepy and I just didn’t feel comfortable being alone with you.” I tuck my head down and try and walk away but she grabs my wrist.

“Wait,” I stop at her sudden change in tone. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I don’t know how to control myself and it was wrong to question you like that. I just think you’re a really cool guy and I really want to hang out with you.”

My heart sinks at her words. I felt like an ass. “It’s ok, we all do things we regret.” I sigh.

She looks up at me with hopeful eyes. “Really? So, we’re cool?”

“I guess.”

She immediately perks back up. “Thank you. Could I uh, have a hug?”

“Ok,” I say, opening up my arms. She tightly wraps her arms around my neck and I gently pat her back. “Ok, well I have to go see one-“ I try to say as we break away but I get cut off.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

*READER’S POV*

I wash my hands and grab a paper towel to dry them. As I walk back to the piano room I can’t help but replay last night. The way Tyler looked at me and held me, it made butterflies flutter in my stomach.

“Hey, sorry, Ty. There was a fight near the bathroom.” I turn the corner into Mr. Pike’s room.

I notice that Tyler wasn’t alone. Adjusting to the sudden light difference I suddenly stop in my tracks. Expecting Tyler to be playing the piano, I instead see his arms wrapped around a girl and his lips on hers. My heart drops into my stomach as his words “I really like you” replay in my brain over and over again. My face scrunches up and my eyes begin to blur with tears.

[aili]

Music Newsletter 11 / Happy Valentine’s Day 2017

Welcome to the 11th Music Newsletter!

Short intro for the newbies - I love music. I love sharing music with other people. In college I started a "music newsletter" email with some playlists (aka mixtapes) I've made and some song/band recommendations. Why Valentine's Day? Because I think this day should be about love in many ways - including for music!

That brings us to today - the first Valentine's Day mixtape I put together was actually a physical mix CD that I mailed to my home friends while I was away at college. That was in 2008. A lot has changed since then, but my love of music has not. While I feel sometimes too busy or too old or too out of touch to know what I'm even talking about, I hope you'll get some enjoyment out of this - as much as I've been enjoying listening to these songs and picking them for you!

I also have an email listserv with a special music bonus for anyone interested, please DM me to get on the list.

Click here to play Valentine's Day 2017 on Spotify!

1.) "Best to You" - Blood Orange

Starting off this year's mixtape with an incredible artist and song featuring singer Empress Of. Blood Orange is the project of Dev Hynes, who was a member of the British band Test Icicles. He's a songwriter and producer with a pretty epic list of artists on his resume, including Solange, Florence Welch, and Kylie Minogue. His album released last year, Freetown Sound, was a frequent flyer on the best of year lists and is mainly an R&B project featuring songs speaking out on prominent social justice issues.

2.) "Alaska" - Maggie Rogers

Thanks to my sister in law Anna for introducing me to Maggie Rogers, an indie singer-songwriter who's chart-climbing songs have crossed over into pop music's to-watch list. After presenting this track to Pharrell in her senior master class at NYU, their interaction went viral as he praised her work as something unheard before. Check out the video here.

3.) "I Need a Forest Fire" - James Blake feat. Bon Iver

While I enjoyed both Bon Iver and James Blake's latest albums released last year, it was their duo that seemed to encapsulate the sound growth I was looking for by both artists. This is, in my opinion, the best song either of them released last year. Together, the two artists were able to create something that apart was somehow a bit lacking. The combination of their voices is something not to miss.

4.) "Mothers" - Daughter

A beautiful and haunting song from the perspective of a mother on the drain, physically and emotionally, of having a child. The push/pull of loss and love is strong over the entire album, Not To Disappear, and lead singer/songwriter Elena Tonra has discussed the brutal and harsh themes that frequent her album and how she learned to uncensor herself from those sad places.

5.) "Strangers" - Psychic Twin

The title of this song along with the synths would make this a perfect addition to the Stranger Things TV soundtrack, don't you think? After Erin Fein's divorce, her debut album appropriately named Strange Diary, focuses her energy and emotions into a cohesive dark pop album.

6.) "Your Best American Girl" - Mitski

Mitski's fourth album, Puberty 2, is the one that sprang her to critical acclaim and popular success, with her punk-rock music discussing culture, race, identity, and belonging. This song in particular is poignant in a scene that doesn't hold much diversity in its popular spaces. Consistently selling out live shows and having a witty online presence, Mitski is not one to miss.

7.) "Foulbrood" - Two Inch Astronaut

Hailing from my hometown of Silver Spring, Maryland (with one member attending my high school), this band seriously caught my attention this year. There's something to be said about a specific D.C. area rock that is reminiscent of this kind of post-punk sound. One of the greatest influences of this sound was Ian MacKaye, co-founder Dischord, the label Two Inch Astronaut is on and the frontman of bands like Fugazi and Minor Threat. A lot of the local bands growing up had this kind of influence, but Two Inch Astronaut seems to get it right in a way that is all at once nostalgic of Maryland high school basement parties and paving the way for an innovative kind of genre-bending sound all together. Buy their latest album, Personal Life, here.

8.) "(I'd Rather Be) Anywhere But Here" - Honeyblood

Discovering Honeyblood last year was one of those moments where I instantly connected to their music and they catapulted to become one of my favorite bands. Honeyblood is a Scottish duo that could be described as a darker version of early Best Coast. I was lucky enough to see them live and the drummer, Cat Myers, is incredible. Their latest album, titled Babes Never Die, was released last year.

9.) "It Hurts Until It Doesn't" - Mothers

I debated putting Mothers' song "Daughter" on this playlist just to confuse everyone (see #4), but this song is just too good to ignore. The song comes to a slow down and instrumental build up about 3 minutes in that completely changes the tone but somehow manages to tell a consistent story. Mothers latest album When You Walk A Long Distance You Are Tired was released last year.

10.) "Never Meant" - American Football

I was too young to know the types of bands like American Football - the bands that a lot of people 5-10 years older than me consider real emo. Before heavy eyeliner and whining vocals and power chords came bands like American Football with their twinkly guitars and emotive lyrics. American Football and other 90's emo pioneers made punk risky by talking more openly about their feelings and they ended up creating incredible music because of it. This album is considered a classic among the 90's emo genre, and to fans surprise, the band released a new album last year, also self-titled, which can be found here. This song evokes a nostalgia for me because suddenly a lot of emo bands I liked in high school make sense because I can see how they were influenced to make the music the way they did.

11.) "Clay" - HANA

Hana is one of Grimes (Claire Boucher's) best friends and toured with her assisting on instruments and vocals this past year. Along with having a captivating and beautifully clear soprano voice, Hana brings out a lovelier, sweet side of nostalgic pop reminiscent of Carly Rae Jepsen.

12.) "Coconut Crab" - TTNG

This math rock song caught my attention because it evokes lo-fi indie surf rock style with some emo influences. TTNG has been around since 2004 and are from the U.K. Their latest full-length, Disappointment Island, was released last year.

13.) "Shut Up Kiss Me" - Angel Olsen

Angel Olsen's latest album, My Woman, topped charts and made many best of 2016's lists. The album was a turn from her previously labeled country-folk music into something she feels fits her personality and voice more.

14.) "Life Crisis" - River Whyless

A indie-folk pop group from Asheville, North Carolina that toured with Blind Pilot. Live in concert, lead singer Halli Anderson discussed how this song was written in part based on a bad break-up after a boyfriend went to visit his ex in NYC while she paced back in forth back home in Asheville. Check out a live performance of the song through NPR's Tiny Desk Concert, including creative choices such as using a typewriter for percussion here.

15.) "Jellyfish" - Laura Stevenson

I was able to see Laura Stevenson open for the Hold Steady in December which was so fun. Laura grew up on Long Island and did keys and vocals for Bomb the Music Industry. Jellyfish was released on the 2015 album, Cocksure.

16.) "Evening / Morning" - Bombay Bicycle Club

Throwback Tuesday can be dedicated to this song by Bombay Bicycle Club. An English indie rock band together since 2005, they consistently release rock bangers. This particular song was actually the first single they ever released. Currently, the band has essentially broken up, with the members saying they want to work on solo projects. Bassist Ed Nash released his solo album The Pace of the Passing earlier this year.

17.) "Black Leaf" - John Paul White

I have a deep love for the Civil Wars, a folk/country/americana duo consisting of John Paul White and Joy Williams. Like most of their fans, I was devastated to learn of their messy, drawn-out break-up official in 2014. They were two excellent artists who met through a musician's workshop and just seemed to click, winning four Grammys in their short time together. Their chemistry was electric, as can be viewed in their live videos like this one or this one. The thing was, they were both married. To other people. Joy's husband was their band manager. John's wife was at home in Alabama with their children. We may never know if a traditional affair happened, but it appeared that in one way or another, at least an emotional rift had opened. After their break-up, Joy Williams was fairly vocal with her feelings, explaining in interviews that "irreconcilable differences" were much more complicated than appeared on the surface. John Paul White was silent. He returned last year with an incredible solo album, Beulah, and rocketed back into success. While he remained silent in interviews about his former Civil Wars partner, almost like a divorced couple with the giant pink elephant in the room, he may have written about it. The lyrics on his album seem to me to easily be interpreted as the complicated emotions he felt while simultaneously losing Joy as a musical partner and friend, and potentially losing his wife for his lack of attention and focus on his family. It's important to note that John Paul White has said himself that his lyrics are meant for fans to interpret more into their own lives, than his. Privacy is important to him, and while we don't know what really happened between Joy and John Paul, maybe we can hope that just like in their song, 20 years from now we could see some sort of reconciliation.

18.) "No Way Out" - Warpaint

Warpaint are from Los Angeles and released their latest album, Heads Up, last year. Their sound is dreamy and especially this song features harmonic reverb as a major theme.

19.) "Left Handed Kisses" - Andrew Bird feat. Fiona Apple

Andrew Bird's feature with Fiona Apple is pretty much perfect. He is one of the most talented contemporary musicians and with his 2016 album, Are You Serious, he gets a little more personal, including writing a love song for his wife (swoon!). In an interview with NPR, he discussed major life changes - including marriage, a child, and his wife's battle with cancer.

20.) "Old Friends" - Pinegrove

Emo is making a comeback. While I've been spending time attending emo/pop punk live band karaoke events, Emo Night BK and Emo Nite LA have been touring the country with sold out events. I've been trying to reflect on this re-popularization of the genre of early to mid-00s bands that were made fun of and dismissed. My teenage years thrived on emo. The darkest lyrics spoke to me in a time when depression wasn't really talked about in the mainstream. Now, it does feel a bit silly to scream along to the same intense lyrics that I once cried over, but at the same time there is a sense of nostalgia. As a very drunk Adam Lazarra of Taking Back Sunday told the crowd at the 2015 Taste of Chaos tour, "I was there when you smoked your first cigarette."

But there's more to emo than 40-something majority white dudes screaming about their broken hearts. There are bands that hold a sense of authenticity and talent coming from 90s punk and post-punk influences.

Pinegrove is a band bringing it back to the start. A cross between the new, indie sound and the older, 90s/early 00s emo authenticity. Pinegrove is an incredibly unique band that not only hits indie and emo, but crosses over into folk and americana as well. This blending of genres is what is making artists really begin to stand out to me, as we cross over into the second half of this decade. Check out their 2016 album, Cardinal, here.

21.) "Radio" - Sylvan Esso

I always put a lot of thought into the order of songs on my playlist. What I love about this year's playlist is that Sylvan Esso's "Radio" can perfectly transition back into the first song on the playlist. So make sure your repeat all buttons are on, and I hope you've enjoyed this year's Valentine's Day newsletter!

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SPOTIFY

Don't forget to subscribe to my playlists on Spotify! And if you don't have Spotify yet, get on that shit, it's awesome. Here is the link to listen to this year's mixtape on Spotify

I try to add new songs at least once a week to this playlist. What I'm currently listening to a lot (updated frequently): currently lovin' (updated freq)

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Want More?

I try to update with latest music news, favorites, covers, and live videos and photos from concerts. Follow me for more!

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I hope you guys enjoy the new music and feel free to send me recommendations of anything you like!

<3 aili

Previous Mixtapes:

Autumn Love Spotify

Copenhagen Spotify 

Philadephia Spotify

New Crime Spotify

The City Spotify

Drive Spotify

VDay 2012 Spotify

King's Myth Spotify

Hold On Spotify

Vday 2013 Spotify

Vday 2014 Spotify

Vday 2015 Spotify

Vday 2016 Spotify

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Keeping The Throat Healthy "If I cannot fly let me sing." -- Stephen Sondheim. Singers and speakers alike will often acquire throat irritations. This interferes with the voice and interrupts the singing process. This can be most frustrating, especially when we don't know what causes the irritation. Any type of irritation in the larynx can rob the vocalist of a successful performance. Every singer has a responsibility to learn what to do to avoid throat problems. The tips I'm going to talk to you about are proven -- they've been tried and tested for years among singers from every genre. When we sing loud and long, it is crucial that we use proper breath support to avoid abusing the voice. Always measure the amount of air needed for each phrase. When releasing air as you sing, hold back (suspend) and don't allow all the air to escape at once. A tickle is caused from dryness in the throat. The dryness can cause coughing. To avoid this, drink plenty of room temperature water to keep the vocal cords hydrated. You may also try drinking warm lemon tea, with a small amount of honey before singing. This is better than anything on the market, which really does nothing anyhow. Avoid any yelling, screaming, and extreme temperature changes, such as going from air conditioning to a hot temperature, and vice versa. Sleeping with a humidifier is necessary for serious singers. The steam from the humidifier, enters the nose and throat, bringing much needed moisture to the area. This is highly important for those who sleep with the mouth open, which dries out the throat. You can also inhale steam from a hot shower or boiled water (put a towel over your head when inhaling the steam). Be careful not to get a steam burn. Moisture to the throat is needed at all times, particularly when singing and giving speaking presentations. Sip, sip, and then sip some more all day long. Keep a bottle of room temperature water with you at all times. The throat must be wet in order to function. Never drink ice cold water, juice, or soda within three to four hours before singing. Cold temperatures restrict the vocal bands, hindering the vibrations needed to produce sound. The same holds true for alcohol, antihistamines, most medications, and of course, smoking (including second-hand smoke). If you can't control these substances, you're better off not singing. I personally have worked with very famous singers, who smoke, drink, and do drugs and I have witnessed what happens to these voices. Some artists have spent a small fortune for "quick fixes" just to be able to do a concert and sound great. You would be amazed at who these singers are. So do not fall into these bad and destructive habits in the first place. It will take its toll. "A song will outlive all sermons in the memory." -- Henry Giles Yelling, screaming can cause vocal nodes/nodules Yelling, screaming can cause vocal nodes/nodules Avoid drinking ice water Avoid drinking ice water Laryngitis? Laryngitis can last a anywhere from a few days to weeks, and it can re-occur again. It can be brought on by a virus. But most singers who contract laryngitis do so by abusing the voice box. The three main reasons for vocal abuse are (1) Yelling or screaming at a sporting event (or at your kids) (2) Singing too loud (over singing) and/or (3) Singing too high. Rest. If you suspect signs of vocal abuse, you must rest your voice. Stop singing and even speaking, if you can. Give the vocal bands time to recover and heal. Otherwise, you invite more throat irritation. Bathe your throat with water by drinking not only h20, but warm lemon with honey tea. Using fresh lemons is best and bring faster relief. Easy humming. As soon as your throat is better, introduce easy humming before singing vowels found in words. Correct humming gives you a feeling of vibrations in the lips and lip areas. Take care that you "place" the tone in the nasalpharangeal (mask) area. Your singing range must be the middle range of your voice so that it is easy and very relaxed. Don't force it. Never, ever force your singing voice. Good and correct singing should always feel easy. There is never a strained or forced feeling. Like all of Mother Nature's off-spring, the human voice should be natural and easy, even when singing loud or high. If you feel any discomfort in the throat area, your singing is incorrect. Breath support. The best friend to the singer and speaker is breath support. With every note you sing, with each word you form, you absolutely must have enough air for the tone to "ride" on. Diaphragmatic breathing acts as a "seat" or "cushion" for the tone. If you try to sing louder or higher without the support for the voice, you will suffer vocal abuse. Avoid polyps/nodes. At all costs, you want to avoid growing polyps/nodes on the vocal cords. It's best to avoid dairy products. It's best to avoid dairy products. No Dairy While Singing Dairy products are a no-no and must be avoided before singing. Most dairy, especially ice cream, will cause phlegm and mucus to build up. Mucus is thick and makes the singer want to clear their throat. Clearing the throat is not a good habit. Every time you clear your throat, it's like scratching your vocal cords with your finger nails. Instead of clearing your throat, just swallow a few times. If your mouth is dry and water is nowhere to be found, simply and gently bite the tip of your tongue. This action will provide you with enough moisture to swallow. So, save the ice cream for after a concert, or rehearsal. Ditto for other dairy foods. "Singing lessons are like body building for your larynx." -- Bernadette Peters Have a Tickle in Your Throat? Try Salt Water As a singer, I have found that salt water is one of my best friends. I can't tell you how many thousands of students this easy combination has rescued from a tickle to a full-on sore throat. Saline spray. My favorite is a bottle of nasal saline spray (salt and water). Simply spray the salt water solution up into your nose to wash out the germs. As soon as you get a tickle, by flushing your nasal passages, you can prevent the mucus from getting too thick. Gargling. Another way to go is to try gargling with warm salt water. Add a few teaspoons to a half cup of warm water and then gargle. Repeat this several times each day until symptoms disappear. Avoid coffee and chocolate. The other foods to avoid before singing are coffee and chocolate. The caffein in both products will dry out the throat. Good health. Nourish your body with good nutrition and get plenty of sleep. Remember, as singers we use our entire body when we sing - our bodies are our vocal instrument. Protect it, care for it and remember to "tune it" often with correct warm ups. Your voice is meant to serve you with power and beauty all your life. Following these tips will assure you that it will. "I can’t stand to sing the same song the same way two nights in succession, let alone two years or ten years. If you can, then it ain’t music, it’s close-order drill or exercise or yodeling or something, not music.” -- Billie Holiday Sing with joy. Quotes From The Greatest Tenor in The World, Luciano Pavarotti "I'm not a politician, I'm a musician. I care about giving people a place where they can go to enjoy themselves and to begin to live again. To the man you have to give the spirit, and when you give him the spirit, you have done everything." "I think a life in music is a life beautifully spent and this is what I have devoted my life to." "Nothing that has happened has made me feel gloomy or remain depressed. I love my life." (I love this quote from Pavarotti) "If children are not introduced to music at an early age, I believe something fundamental is actually being taken from them." * * * About Pavarotti: "The whole world will be listening today to his voice on every radio and television station, and that will continue. And that is his legacy. He will never stop." -- Zubin Mehta Last Performance Warning: Sing Within Your Key Range Every song you sing should be written in your key. What does this mean? Your singing voice has a range which is limited to how high and how low you can sing. When a singer needs the notes higher it means the song needs to be in a higher key. This works the same for low notes. Singers do not sing in just one specific key. This is because composers use different keys (scales) to write music. Professional vocalists hire manuscript writers to transpose the music into their specific singing range. Most people learn a song by imitation. They repeat what they hear regardless of whether the song is too high or too low for them. When they do this they can damage their voice because they strain the vocal chords. The result can be hoarseness, a sore throat, or eventually vocal nodules will grow on the vocal bands. This happens often in choirs. Never allow a choir director to make you a soprano if you are an alto...or a tenor if you sing bass. How do we know if a song is too high or too low for us? It's really quite simple. Listen to your body. If singing a high note doesn't feel easy - the note is too high. The same is true for low notes. Sometimes using proper diaphragmatic breathing will help to sing higher notes. This is because higher notes require more air. This doesn't always work. You must be the judge. The general rule for all singers is: If the notes are difficult to sing - don't sing them. With proper use and care your voice will last you a lifetime. One of my favorite tenors ~ He sees through his heart © 2011 Audrey Hunt

[dfroza]

A new song released by Sleeping at Last that yes, appears here on YouTube, although it’s still nice to support the artists you like by purchasing their music. kind of like the Old-fashioned way when it was all there was by buying something tangible held in your hands. and maybe we can respect digital art in the same way?

just a thought. but it makes sense to me, to support things with the work of the body that touch the heart and mind.

and so, here’s the email sent this morning that ryan typed up to share his thoughts on how the song was made. it’s rather long, but i enjoyed it.

Dear Friends,

I’m so very delighted to let you know that my brand new song “Atlas: Body” is out TODAY! It should be there in all of your friendly neighborhood digital music stores!!

“BODY” - HOW IT WAS MADE:

“Body” is the fourteenth song (of 25) in my Atlas: Year Two series. The first (of three) songs written for the theme “Intelligence”: Body, Heart & Mind, inspired by the Enneagram Intelligence Centers. (To learn more about this theme, and all of Atlas: Year Two’s themes, read here!)

http://www.sleepingatlast.com/blog/2016/4/18/atlas-themes-explored?rq=themes

Originally, when Atlas: Year Two was mapped out, the three “Intelligence” songs were sequenced like this: Mind, Heart and Body. I thought that made sense on a physical level, top down, head to toe! But in learning more about Enneagram and the three Intelligence Centers, it is actually taught in reverse of that order: Body, Heart and Mind, because, in processing the world around us and the feelings and experiences we have, we first rely on our gut - our instinct (Body), secondly, we process emotionally (Heart) and finally, intellectually (Mind). This is why I rearranged the order of these 3 songs.

Though these three songs were inspired by the Enneagram Intelligence Centers, they also represent the coming together of the physical, emotional and intellectual pieces of us. These are the key ingredients that make us, us! Actually, a better analogy would be cooking tools- these are the pots and pans of who we are. With the body, heart and mind, we process the world around us. Thematically, I really loved the idea of this “Intelligence” EP being a bridge between the “Emotions” EP and the upcoming “Enneagram” EP (9 songs based on the 9 Enneagram types!) - it keeps one foot in the physical and another in the psychological.

“Body” is a song about intuition. The first thing I began singing, before the song was a song, was “i feel it in my bones.” - which is something we say when we don’t know why, but we just know something. It’s another version of a “gut feeling” - I loved that those idioms speak to the physical body and intuition at the same time. I decided those idioms were a little too on the nose for this song, but I used them as the jumping off point of the whole song.

“there’s magic in our bones, a north star in our soul that remembers our way home. there’s magic in our bones.”

That first chorus lyric, “there’s magic in our bones” - this means a lot of things to me.. I think it describes the gift of intuition- it feels buried in us, like something primitive, but at the same time, there’s a lot of wonder or magic around the idea of intuition. In researching “intuition” a bit, I learned that neuroscientists generally say that our brain is constantly searching for and collecting patterns and storing them in our subconscious. I think that’s so true and beautiful. What an incredible magic trick we are capable of! I believe that explains only some of the gift of intuition, that there’s more mystery and real “magic” happening too! An internal compass that we are born with that knows more than we think we know. That’s essentially what this whole song is about.

On a more personal level, this song nods to a recent large life decision my family and I just made. I recently watched a TED talk by Ruth Chang about this. She says that hard decisions are hard because there is no clear answer - and this is actually a good problem. It means that either option isn’t right or wrong. There’s freedom in that. It’s an opportunity to start a new adventure. For my wife and I, January 1st, the new year began with zero plans to buy a new home. Not even on the radar. Then, a couple days later, suddenly we saw a home in town and we fell in love. The home felt right, but we couldn’t explain why - we love our current home, we weren’t looking to move and somehow, we felt a magnetism toward this house. As parents to two little ones (a 2 and a half year old and a 4 month old), the idea of uprooting in anyway right now, especially just “because”, felt totally crazy to us, and yet we couldn’t get the house out of our heads. So, we trusted our gut and we jumped in. So writing this song at a time when there were a LOT of conversations about intuition and why we feel compelled to do the things we do, was probably some really good processing for me. So the line “a north star in our soul that remembers our way home.” is a direct nod to our new home. Also, a teeny tiny nod to the house was the word “bricks” in the opening line…

“a feather is a ton of bricks, or maybe i’m too sensitive…”

Firstly, that opening line was inspired by something Fr. Richard Rohr said in explaining the Enneagram “Body” (or “Gut”) types: “Reality comes at us like one shock wave after another. We take it on like a full body blow every three minutes. EIGHTs fight back, NINEs back off, and we ONEs try to fix, reform, and control reality.” I love that. So the “ton of bricks” line is a tip of the hat to that concept.

(Brief Enneagram note: If you’re unfamiliar with the Enneagram, (in the words of wikipedia) it is “a model of human personality which is principally understood and taught as a typology of NINE interconnected personality types.“ Each of these nine types fit into one of the three “Intelligence Centers”: Body (the EIGHT, NINE and ONE types), Heart (the TWO, THREE and FOUR types) or Mind (the FIVE, SIX or SEVEN types)

That opening lyric is also a play on the adage, “straw that breaks the camel’s back” - there are situations in our life, where we get right up to that breaking point and our intuition kicks in, and we then choose to listen or ignore what it’s telling us. So I liked starting out the song with this abstract concept, and following it up with some second guessing- rational thinking. That created a little rule that I followed in this song: every abstract lyric represent intuition, and the conversational lyrics represent the rational processing we do to explain it. It was a lot of fun to write this song with that in mind.

It took a long while for the lyrics to finally fall into place on this song. The lyric that sort of “unlocked” the rest of the song was “There’s magic in our bones” - it was almost like all of the lyrics were hiding behind the word “magic” and once I found that, the song was ready to be written. That word resonates with me for a million reasons, but as a Dad, watching my two little girls grow from tiny babies into little girls - magic is the only word that makes sense. As I mentioned above, how intuition works is magic, the incredible complex and ornate design that makes up our bodies is magic. That through a matter of bones and muscle and willpower, we move around this earth - that’s magic! Nature is magic, imagination is magic, love is magic! We are surrounded by all of this “magic” every day of our lives, so the final and recurring lyric of the song:

“There’s magic in all of this”

.. is a reminder to myself to recognize this gift of life as the magic that it is.

Now, let’s talk about music (music is magic too)! I originally wrote this song on the ukulele, but when thinking about what instrumentation best represents the “body” the ukulele didn’t feel quite right. So I chose all acoustic/organic instruments.

FUN FACT: Did you know that the violin was designed to mimic the sound of a soprano female voice? Who knows if that’s 100% true or just coincidence, but I believe it is and absolutely love it. With that in mind, I knew that this song should have prominent strings throughout, ideally a string quartet: two violins, one viola and one cello to represent the entire range of human voices. So I called frequent Sleeping At Last guest, Sharon Gerber to assemble the troops! She and her quartet are SO incredible and couldn’t have played more beautifully on this song. All of which was recorded live as one stereo track. SO grateful for their beautiful work!

For some reason, I’ve had the song “Put On Your Sunday Clothes” in my head a LOT lately. It’s from the movie/musical, “Hello, Dolly!” and is brilliantly featured a bunch in Pixar’s Wall-e. I loved the style of strings in the intro of that song- I’m sure there’s a correct classical word for what that type of playing is, but for lack of knowing that word, it’s swirls of tremolo violins stabbing chords. I love it and thought it’s such an appropriate sound for this song, about blunt gut feelings and intuition.

In thinking about the percussion of this song, I originally imagined it being full on drums throughout, but as the song was coming together, I realized it needed an older, more classical approach, so I decided to record loads and loads of orchestral percussion instrumentals: timpinis, cymbals, celestas - even chimes! (Never thought I’d be able to do it, but i did it… there’s so much “magic” talked about in this song that it felt like the right time for some chimes! Don’t worry, they are VERY quiet.)

Easter Egg: in the upcoming song “Heart”, I recorded my wife and our 2 daughter’s heartbeats, and my own, and incorporated these songs into the song. In the upcoming song, “Mind,” I recorded each of us singing a single note. In this song, “Body” I had each of us clap and in editing, created a really deep rumbly sound that leads into the last chorus, right alongside the timpinis! I wanted to make sure that our little family was ingrained into each of these “Intelligence” EP songs.

There’s a lot more to talk about, but I’ll leave it here! Thank you for reading!! I hope you like “Body”!! “Heart” and “Mind” will find their way to you soon.

BODY

a feather is a ton of bricks, or maybe i’m too sensitive… i don’t know. all i can say is this, from now on i’ll try to listen to intuition.

there’s magic in our bones, a north star in our soul that remembers our way home. there’s magic in our bones.

no, i don’t have a script for this. but i know the right words exist somewhere, and i just need more time. i know, i know, i’m asking for the moon, but i must listen to intuition believe me, i only want what’s right.

there’s magic in our bones, a north star in our soul that remembers our way home. God, it’s easy to forget there’s magic in all of this.

it’s so easy to forget, it’s so easy to forget that there’s magic in all of this.

there’s magic in our bones, a north star in our soul that remembers our way home. God, it’s easy to forget there’s magic in all of this.

there’s magic in all of this.

LINER NOTES FOR “BODY”:

Produced, Engineered & Performed by Sleeping At Last Guest String Quartet: Sharon Gerber: Cello, Tracy Ensley: Violin, Anya Gerber: Violin & Joanna Lebo: Viola. Mixed by John Goodmanson Mastered by Jason Ward (Chicago Mastering Services) Artwork by Elicia Edijanto (View Elicia’s work) Recorded at Enneagram Studios in Illinois

Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to read this letter and my thoughts about how these songs come together! Truly an honor to share. Enjoy your week!!

Love, Ryan - Sleeping At Last

[ricardosousalemos]

Jim O’Rourke: Bad Timing

In the early 1990s, years before he joined Sonic Youth or partnered with Wilco or tried his hand at singing, Jim O’Rourke was a kind of prodigy in the experimental music underground. He recorded albums in his early twenties for labels like Sound of Pig, Amsterdam’s Staalplaat, and John Zorn’s Tzadik. He made music with whatever was at hand and was proficient on many instruments, and he often performed in the context of free improvisation. But O’Rourke’s first instrument was guitar, and one of his deepest musical loves was the art of arrangement—the precise placement of this note in this pocket of space, the choice of this instrument for that note. The two obsessions met in glorious fashion on his 1997 album Bad Timing.

In the 21st century, we take music built around steel-string guitar for granted. New practitioners have emerged (William Tyler, James Blackshaw, Ben Chasny), a latter-day legend has come and gone (Jack Rose, R.I.P.), and an endless series of reissues of albums by major figures stream by (hello, Bert Jansch). But 20 years ago, the notion of solo acoustic guitar as a medium for expression of album-length ideas was only just emerging from hibernation. Some of its resurgence during that period could be traced to the work of critic Byron Coley, who had written an article in SPIN in 1994, in which he’d tracked down the then-obscure John Fahey in Oregon. Fahey had barely recorded in the few years previous, and was living off the grid and on the edge of poverty, occasionally sleeping in homeless shelters. That SPIN piece, along with the Rhino compilation Return of the Repressed, which put his out-of-print music back in stores, cemented the guitarist’s status as an icon of American music. Neither he, nor his instrument, have left the conversation since.

In North America, the acoustic guitar is often associated with “folk” music of a certain mood; from 1970s singer-songwriters to the ’80s emergence of new age and then onto the rise of “unplugged” music in the ’90s, the acoustic became associated with relaxation, intimacy, quiet contemplation—a sound ostensibly more closely connected to the natural world than its electric counterpart. But Fahey’s vision for acoustic guitar was something else entirely. He was among the first to fully grasp that the the instrument had uniquely expressive qualities, that its possibilities as a device for melody, harmony, and rhythm were untapped, and alternate tunings gave it further flexibility other instruments couldn’t match. In Fahey’s hands, the guitar became an orchestra in miniature, and long, multi-part pieces with the thunderous sweep of a symphony could sit alongside rustic evocations of the past. Fahey’s guitar became a tool for collapsing time and space, able to incorporate the grand sweep of music history in a flurry of strummed chords, fingerpicked melodies, and raga-like repeating rhythms.

Fahey’s mid-’90s resurgence served as a backdrop for Bad Timing, and the connection colored how it was received at the time. The Fahey connect was further underscored by O’Rourke’s earlier work in Gastr del Sol, his post-rock duo with David Grubbs (they covered Fahey on their 1996 album Upgrade & Afterlife.) But while Bad Timing has deep spiritual connections to Fahey’s work, the actual music comes from a very different place. You could almost think of Bad Timing as as a record that’s trying to be a Fahey album but keeps getting derailed and ends up going somewhere even more interesting. It was originally written to be a solo guitar record, and O’Rourke has performed versions of the pieces in that setting, but as he worked on the music, he decided he wanted to take it into another direction, one that would incorporate his obsession with carefully arranged sound.

Expanding Bad Timing allowed O’Rourke to paint on a much larger canvas. “For me both Happy Days and Bad Timing were about my myths,” O'Rourke explained to writer Mike McGonigal in a 1997 interview in the zine Music. “A big part of my head is Americana. But the Americana I know comes from listening to Van Dyke Parks, John Fahey, and Charles Ives. That doesn’t exist, and I have to face the fact that it doesn't exist. I have to address that it’s nothing but a construct.” O’Rourke has always wrestled with the “Why?” part of record-making. He’s an avid and thoughtful listener and has absorbed a mountain of music, so with each project, he considers exactly why he should be adding to the pile. Bad Timing may be an homage to some of his heroes, but he takes their collective influence and bends it into a peculiar shape, a tangle of deep reverence and exuberant skepticism. It’s a fantasy that is aware of itself as fantasy, a self-conscious evocation of an individual artist’s obsessions that also functions as a neat historical snapshot.

Parks’ lush arrangements and his gentle irony; Fahey’s vast scope; Ives’ clash of folk simplicity and avant-garde dissonance—these elements are all over Bad Timing, and minimalism is the final piece of the puzzle. Though it draws heavily from the music of other cultures, particularly India, minimalism as a compositional technique is closely identified with American icons, in particular the work of Philip Glass, Steve Reich, Terry Riley, and LaMonte Young. Glass, Reich, and Riley are best known for repetition—they build meaning through gradually shifting clusters of sound. Young’s music has alternated between repetition and carefully tuned and deeply physical drone. Two other composers, Phill Niblock and Tony Conrad, both of whom O’Rourke work with, further extended Young’s drone conceptions. For this group, held tones become a form of change; from moment to moment in a drone piece, you expect shifts and development to happen, and when they don’t, you’re constantly re-discovering where you are in the now.

Bad Timing has this mercurial quality. It flows beautifully and is easy for a newcomer to enjoy, but it’s also a series of head-fakes, regular juxtapositions that jar the music off course as it moves from one mode to the next. The opening “There’s Hell in Hello But More in Goodbye” starts off almost as a carbon-copy of Fahey in his most whimsical mode, with a sunny finger-picked melody that one could imagine a turn-of-the-century farmer whistling as he strolled across a field. But after a few bars, it drops into a single repeating pattern played on just a small handful of notes, like a needle slipping into a skipping groove, and it stays there, as a lone chord is examined, poked at, and wrung dry. Other subtle instruments fold in—organ, piano—and as “Hello” unfurls it becomes a pure drone piece, quieter and prettier but not so far from the Niblock-inspired hurdy-gurdy blast that defined O’Rourke’s previous album, Happy Days. What started as “folk” ends as a kind of raga meditation.

This kind of shell game happens throughout Bad Timing, as the individual pieces convince you they’re one thing while they’re in the process of becoming something else. “94 the Long Way” opens with a tentative, lurching fingerpicked section, hinting at possible songs behind it, but not quite committing, until finally a pattern emerges that mixes a lurching bass-string loop, repetition in the middle register, and a simple descending three-note melody that becomes the center around which the rest of the track orbits. It at first sounds too simple, like it’s barely even a melody, but O’Rourke adds cheery keyboards, gorgeous pedal steel guitar, and trombone, and it starts to feel like a John Philip Sousa march—you think of fireworks and parades and kazoos and guys in funny hats and rolling expanses of land stretching to the horizon. 

The construction of the piece is impressive as new instruments are added every few bars and they all lock into place. But there’s also something joyously silly about it all, a cartoon of civic engagement. The bumptious cheeriness evokes children performing an exaggerated “whistle while you work” march, pounding forward in service of some high-minded collective ideal. The hint of camp extends further. I’ve always taken the “94” in the title to be a reference to I-94, the interstate highway that runs through Chicago. If you’re in the Midwest and you want to take a road trip, you’re almost certainly going to find yourself in I-94 at some point. O’Rourke’s song can be heard as an ode to the freeway, his acoustic Americana version of Kraftwerk’s “Autobahn”—indeed, the structure of the two songs is similar, and the snaking pedal steel is evocative of the gliding guitar in the Kraftwerk tune. It’s a soundtrack for looking out the window as you roll through the farmland of Wisconsin and Minnesota. 

“Americana” is an inexhaustible descriptor entirely dependent on perspective. American music, after all, is by its nature fractured, a bottomless well of influences that zig-zag around the country and then around the world. Hyper-local folk forms are “discovered” and stolen from and then sold back in a gnarled form by professionals from far away. Aaron Copland, composer of “Fanfare for the Common Man,” was a gay, cosmopolitan Jew with communist sympathies, and he created work steeped in American myths, dreaming up places where he might not be entirely comfortable (or welcome) if he were to actually visit them. O’Rourke’s musical fantasy is steeped in the past but also feels ripe with the possibility of the present moment; it’s of history but it sits outside of it. 

The second side of Bad Timing is essentially a single 20-minute piece split into two sections that grows steadily stranger while playing with ideas of nostalgia and memory. O’Rourke presents ancient notions of “American music” and then toys with them. The title track opens with another playful folk guitar figure before losing itself in haze of keyboard melody. For minutes on end, the song seesaws between two slowly plucked chords as hints of accordion nudge the tune along. You keep listening for changes, and you think you might hear something shifting, but you’re also happy to get lost in the repetition, the simple twinkling beauty and building tension of the arrangement. 

And then it explodes: a huge distorted power chord launches us into “Happy Trails,” the final piece. Suddenly we’re in the middle of a psychedelic rock record, and it’s like a light switch thrown on, or explosive laughter that sucks the discomfort out of a room. After the lengthy fallout from that blast, there’s another extended fingerpicked acoustic passage, and then the song is overwhelmed with a crashing marching band fanfare (a possible nod to Charles Ives’ Symphony No. 4, where a brooding string passage is interrupted by blasts of horns that sound borrowed from another piece). Adding further contrast, pedal steel guitarist Ken Champion, whose impossibly beautiful swells of sound add so much poignancy to “94 the Long Way,” returns with a downright loopy solo fit for the Country Bear Jamboree. Then the song sunsets in a golden-purple haze of muted horns, returning to uncanny beauty one final time. 

This seesaw between mischievous subversion and slack-jawed beauty is the key to O’Rourke’s best music. His sense of humor is both generous and slightly dark; there’s irony in his touch, but it’s not a negating one. It’s more about being open to hearing every possibility in a given piece of music. In a 2001 interview O’Rourke was asked if Bad Timing had an element of parody. “Not a parody at all, or infatuation, it’s more like trying to reconcile what is imagined, learned, real, and imaginary.” And then he added, “Is it really that impossible to believe that something can be funny and sincere at the same time?”

Bad Timing, and O’Rourke’s solo career that followed, is a convincing argument for creation in the face of self-consciousness. The “Why?” of music-making is under-explored. Does your individual record need to exist? For O’Rourke, and especially for his solo albums on Drag City, he justifies their release by lavishing care on every detail, and embracing the music of the past in all its complexity. O’Rourke has always been very careful about how his music is packaged and presented. He only allowed it to be released digitally in the last couple of years, and the downloads on Drag City’s newly created Bandcamp pages urge the listener to “please download the best possible quality.” He’s fighting against his music being reduced, whether that means shrinking the artwork, compressing the digital files, or removing individual tracks from the context of the whole. He’s asking for a lot from the listener, but giving even more in return. Bad Timing was where so many of these ideas came together for the first time, a glorious imaginary world that becomes real every time it plays.