#josh dun smut

[oldiesstationlover11607]

Hi!! I just stumbled across your page and OHMYGOD. Just love everything about it.

Can I ask a request for some like Blurryface/Reader smut? It doesn’t have to be super violent or anything- I just love Blurryface so much and he would be so power hungry and dominate and like absolutely take the reader and be rough and kinky and then after Tyler would regain control and he would be all soft and fluffy-

I have a brain worm for this dynamic

~ Red anon

Baby - Blurryface x Reader - Smut

Warnings: Smut lol, once again - unprotected sex (wrap it up babes), blurryface warning lol + the trauma that comes with reading smut :)

Word Count: 2798

A/N: I love writing for blurryface so much - I've got some great blurryface fics planned for the next few days so y'all are gonna enjoy this. It's also lovely to know there are other cliquies who are just as obsessed with blurryface as I am bc I used to scour the internet for blurryface fics (finally glad I can do this amazing service for y'all).

Blurryface had always been someone you were interested in. A part of Tyler you yearned to experience. His voice, his eyes, his personality, everything about him was enough to turn you on. It was complicated. Tyler had just come home from the gym, sweaty and surprisingly frustrated. You  knew from the second you saw him that it was Blurryface you were about to meet–not Tyler. He slowly walked towards you, his eyes roaming over you, taking in every detail of your notably vulnerable form–the shorts and shirt you were wearing revealing enough to turn on Tyler on a normal day. A wicked grin spread across his face as he reached out and roughly grabbed your chin, forcing you to meet his intense gaze. 

“Well, well... Y/N. It is finally a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he purred, his voice low and seductive. His hand trailed down your chest, fingers grazing over your breasts before landing on your hips, as a gasp escaped your lips. 

“Blurryface,” you breathed, feeling the intensity of the so-called ‘monster’ in front of you. He nodded, the smirk on his face unwavering. 

“Baby,” he responded, already using the nickname Tyler had given me in a condescending tone. “Mmm, Tyler did a good job with you. Such a beautiful body... I'm going to enjoy teasing you.” He leaned in close, his hot breath ghosting over your ear as he whispered, “And don't even think about struggling, baby. We both know you want this just as much as I do.” 

His hands continued their exploration sliding lower and lower until they reached the waistband of your pants. “What do we have here?” he teased, slipping his fingers beneath the fabric. You could feel your growing excitement, tension pooling in your panties. He leaned in close, lips brushing against your ears as he whispered, “Are you getting we baby? Do you want me to touch you?” He slid his hand further down, groping you through your underwear. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, pressing your forehead against his and he started to rub at your slit, the pleasure spreading throughout your system. 

It was hard to concentrate, the line between desire and fear blurring as his touch sent electric shivers through your body. His grip on your waist tightened, pulling you even closer until there was no space between you, his chest rising and falling rapidly against yours. The air felt thick with tension, a palpable shift from Tyler's usual tenderness.

Blurryface was different—darker, more demanding, but part of you had always been curious. The way his fingers explored your body was unapologetic, confident, as if he already knew your every secret desire. He tilted his head, his lips hovering just inches from yours, and you could feel the heat of him, feel the way he deliberately withheld what you craved.

“You're trembling, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice deep and amused. His thumb brushed over your sensitive spot, earning a sharp gasp from you. “Is it because you're scared of me?”

Your body betrayed you, pressing into his touch despite the overwhelming mix of emotions flooding your senses. You tried to catch your breath, but it was impossible under the weight of his presence.

“I—” You couldn't finish the sentence, your words swallowed by a moan as his hand moved with expert precision. He chuckled, clearly enjoying the effect he had on you.

“That's what I thought,” he said, his lips finally grazing yours, teasing without fully committing. Pausing, Blurryface stripped you completely in the blink of an eye, picking you up and carrying you over to the kitchen. Your back slammed against the counter as he peppered wet kisses across your chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth. 

“You're mine now, Y/N. Tyler might be soft with you, but I…” His grip on you tightened again, forcing you to look directly into his eyes, which burned with something wild. “I'm going to give you what you want. I’m going to make you scream.”

His words sent a rush of heat to your core, your body betraying your thoughts as you arched into him, craving more. The conflict inside you raged—the fear of Blurryface's intensity, but also the undeniable thrill of it.

Blurryface smiled darkly, reading every twitch and shudder. “Oh, I knew you'd be fun.” He leaned down, his lips barely touching your neck as he whispered, “Now, let’s see just how loud I can make you scream for me.”

Your breath caught in your throat as Blurryface's lips brushed your neck, each word dripping with a dark promise. His fingers, now bolder, trailed across your skin, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. The air felt electric, his presence overwhelming, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. Part of you wanted this—the danger, the thrill, the way he made your pulse race.

Blurryface pressed his lips harder against your neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin just below your ear. You gasped at the sensation, your body reacting instinctively to his touch. His other hand gripped your waist possessively, pulling you against him with a force that was as commanding as it was seductive.

“You can’t hide it from me,” he whispered, his voice low and teasing. “I can feel how badly you want me.” His fingers returned to your pussy, and a moan escaped your lips before you could stop it. His touch was slow, deliberate, as if he were savoring every moment of your response.

“Blurryface…” you managed to breathe out, your voice shaky.

“Mmm, say it again,” he purred, his hand moving in a way that made it impossible for you to think clearly. He wanted control, and he was taking it, piece by piece. “Say my name.”

“Blurryface,” you gasped, your back arching involuntarily as he applied more pressure. The pleasure was undeniable, your body surrendering to him even though your mind was conflicted. You knew this wasn’t Tyler, not the version of him that was gentle and caring. This was something darker, something more intense, and it was pushing you to your limits.

He chuckled, his lips moving back up to your ear, his breath hot against your skin. “Good girl,” he murmured, the words dripping with satisfaction. “You see? You were always meant to be mine. Tyler may care about you, but I…” His voice trailed off as he kissed your jawline, his hands still working their magic. “I own you.”

The intensity of his words sent a shiver down your spine, your heart pounding in your chest. His lips finally claimed yours, the kiss rough and demanding, as if he needed to stake his claim on you. It was unlike anything you had experienced with Tyler before—passion mixed with raw, unrelenting desire. His teeth nipped at your bottom lip, and you gasped into his mouth, the sensation sending a jolt of pleasure through you.

Blurryface pulled away just enough to look into your eyes, his gaze dark and filled with hunger. “I want to hear you beg for me,” he whispered, his voice thick with lust. His hand moved lower, his fingers teasing you mercilessly, driving you to the edge.

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the sounds threatening to escape, but it was useless. The way he touched you, the way he controlled you—it was all too much. “Please,” you finally whispered, your voice barely audible.

His eyes gleamed with triumph. “Louder.”

“Please,” you repeated, more desperately this time, your body trembling beneath his touch.

Blurryface smirked, clearly pleased with your submission. “That's better.” He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours once more before he whispered, “Now, let me show you what it really means to belong to me.”

Blurryface's words hung in the air, heavy with promise, as he pressed his body closer against yours. The heat radiating from him was intoxicating, his touch sending ripples of sensation across your skin. His lips found yours again, this time more demanding, as if he was claiming every part of you with each movement. You couldn’t help but melt into him, the line between resistance and surrender now completely gone.

His hand slid further down, rubbing your slit in a painful pattern that led to his fingers pumping within you. A sharp gasp escaped your lips as his fingers found their mark, moving with a deliberate, torturous slowness. The pleasure was overwhelming, his touch igniting something primal deep inside you. You felt your knees weaken, and he chuckled darkly, sensing your helplessness.

“God, you're so easy,” Blurryface chuckled, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through your chest. “It’s almost like you’ve been waiting for this.” His fingers pressed deeper, drawing a moan from you as your body arched into him, craving more of his touch. He leaned in, his breath hot against your neck, and whispered, “I can feel how wet you are for me.”

His words only fueled the fire inside you, your body responding to his every word, his every touch. It was as though he knew exactly how to push your buttons, how to make you lose yourself in him. You were trapped in a whirlwind of sensation, torn between the need for more and the intensity of what you were already feeling.

Blurryface's lips trailed down your neck, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. His hand gripped your waist tightly, holding you in place as his other hand continued its torment. The roughness of his touch contrasted with the slow, deliberate rhythm he set, driving you mad with anticipation.

“You want me, don’t you?” he asked, his voice dripping with dominance. “I can feel it... how much you need me.” His fingers teased you mercilessly, bringing you right to the edge but never letting you tip over. “Say it,” he demanded, his eyes burning into yours. “Tell me you want me.”

Your mind was spinning, the intensity of everything overwhelming your senses. Your lips parted, and before you could think to stop yourself, the words tumbled out. “I want you, Blurryface. Please.”

His smirk deepened, satisfied with your submission. “That’s what I thought,” he said, his voice low and menacing, but laced with a dangerous kind of affection. “Good girl.”

Without warning, he withdrew his hand, leaving you trembling and aching for more. You barely had time to react before he spun you around, pressing you against the nearest wall. His body pinned you in place, his hands roaming over your hips, your waist, your back—possessive and hungry.

He leaned in close, his lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispered, “Now, I’m going to take exactly what I want from you. And you’re going to love every second of it.”

Removing his jeans with no hesitation, he took out his cock, pumping it a few times as precum pooled at the tip. His movements became more aggressive, as he moved you to edge of the counter before slamming into you. You cried out, your body reacting instantly to the sudden intensity, the pleasure crashing through you in waves. His other hand tangled in your hair, pulling your head back so he could kiss the side of your neck, biting down just hard enough to send a shock of pain through the haze of pleasure.

“Mine,” he growled against your skin, his voice filled with dark satisfaction. “Every part of you belongs to me now.” His grip tightened, his touch relentless as he pushed you further and further toward the edge. You could feel it building, the tension coiling in your core, ready to snap at any moment. He slammed into you, the tip of his cock hitting that one spot over and over again. Tyler never treated you like this. He was good, but he wasn’t this good. “How you feeling, baby?” 

“Fuck.” That was all you could manage as he began rubbing your clit in agonizing circles, edging you further and further towards the edge. 

“Tyler wouldn’t like you using that kind of language, Y/N,” he smirked.

“Shut it. Just keep going,” you groaned, feeling your walls clench as he leaned down to press his lips to your neck. “I’m–fuck. I’m gonna–”

“I’ve got you, cum for me baby,” Blurryface continued his assault until, with a final, deliberate thrust, the dam broke. Pleasure exploded through you, your entire body shaking as you cried out his name, your voice filled with a mix of ecstasy and desperation. Blurryface held you tightly, riding out the waves of your release, his breath hot against your neck as he came, his seed filling you. “Good girl... I knew you’d be perfect for me. Tyler would be so proud.”

As the aftershocks of pleasure slowly faded, your body melted against the counter, legs trembling, barely able to keep you upright. Blurryface's grip loosened as he let out a soft chuckle, satisfied with his work. He quickly grabbed his pants, slipping them back on before guiding you, still shaky, toward the shower. The steam was already rising, clouding the small bathroom as he left, muttering something about grabbing a few things from the bedroom. Alone beneath the warm cascade of water, your mind raced, overwhelmed by the intensity of everything that had just happened. Each droplet seemed to carry away the lingering remnants of Blurryface’s presence, but the sensation of him still echoed on your skin.

You could hear the faint rustling in the hallway, signaling his return—though the weight in the air shifted before the figure appeared in the doorway. Tyler.

“Y/N,” he murmured, his voice soft and familiar, grounding you instantly. His eyes, tired yet full of tenderness, roamed over your body as if he were trying to assess you from a distance. “Blurryface… he—are you okay?” The concern was clear in his voice, though it seemed layered with the fatigue of someone who hadn’t been fully in control of himself for some time.

“I’m okay, Ty,” you reassured him, nodding, though your voice was still slightly breathless. You stretched out your arms, inviting him to join you. The tension in his shoulders eased a little, and he placed your towels on the hooks before stepping into the shower with you. The moment he slid in beside you, his hands found your face, cupping it gently as if afraid you might shatter from his touch. His lips met yours softly, the kiss slow, unhurried, as the water soaked through his hair, causing strands to fall messily into his eyes.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered against your lips, his thumbs brushing lightly across your cheeks. “I hope… I hope he wasn’t too rough with you, baby.” His voice wavered slightly, the concern evident as his fingers trailed down to your waist, holding you close with a protective, almost reverent softness—so different from Blurryface's possessive touch.

You shook your head, gazing up at him. “No, he wasn’t. It was… nice. I liked it.” You could see the hint of relief wash over him at your words, though a flicker of something more lingered in his eyes, as if he was still coming to terms with the part of himself that he shared with Blurryface. As his chest pressed against yours, the contrast between the two of them became more apparent. Blurryface was wild, raw, a chaotic force—but Tyler was your anchor, steady and warm. Together, they balanced each other, and somehow, both sides made you feel whole.

His lips found your neck, pressing soft kisses to your skin as he held you against him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. The tension in him seemed to dissolve the longer he stayed close, as if being near you brought him peace.

You smiled, running your fingers through his wet hair. “You don’t have to worry, Ty. I'm right here… with both of you.” The words felt weighty, but they were the truth. Tyler—and Blurryface—were a part of you now. There was no denying it anymore. You felt it deep in your bones, in the way your body responded to them, and in the connection you shared that transcended the physical.

Tyler let out a soft, contented sigh, resting his forehead against yours. “You’re everything to me,” he whispered, before kissing you again, slower this time, more deliberate. His hands roamed your body, gentle and reassuring, as if he needed to feel every inch of you to make sure you were truly okay, truly his. In this moment, the chaos of the outside world faded away, leaving only the sound of the water cascading around you, the feel of his skin against yours, and the certainty that this—this was where you belonged.

With Tyler. And Blurryface.

You didn’t need anything else.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[kristinee]

josh dun hockey au WHEN!??

[j-jinxee]

✦ — TYLER DRABBLE

NSFW under the cut! [warnings - edging, oral]

"ff- fuckkk" Tyler's head fell back as he continued to whine. His hands stuttered, urging his need to stop you. Ultimately stopping himself instead, knowing it'd only make things worse. The more he resisted, the longer you'd go on. His calloused hands went back to gripping the bed sheets, just needing to feel in control of something, anything.

"babe- baby please.. ah!" His hips spasmd — crying, pleading for a release, but you weren't done yet. You were absolutely obsessed with how pretty Tyler looked like this, prolonging his misery for as long as possible, just so you could see his desperate expression and helpless mannerisms. He swallowed harshly, attempting to soothe his dry throat, a result of his rough and heavy breathing. His eyes screwed shut — the sensation of vision being too much for him at the moment, but you didn't like that. "Eyes on me baby" you tilted his head forward and met his eyes, fuck he looked so good like this. He struggled to keep eye contact, feeling so helpless under your touch. Your hand had been laced with thick coats of pre, some leaking down and decorating his v-line. Pretty, pretty boy.

"My pretty boy ~ pretty pretty boy" you whispered somewhat musically as your hand retracted yet again. "ff- fuck, please!" Tears began to form at corners of his eyes as he screwed them shut once more. It was getting painful now — he simply couldn't take anymore without sobbing, but he held back as best he could. As he was lost in cloudy thoughts, you slowly moved back and downwards. Arching your back behind you as your lips came dangerously close to his tip. You smiled, looking up at his head thrown back, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

You kissed his tip, "A-ahh!". The new sensation of your hot lips just barely grazing his cock was too much, he knew he couldn't do this any longer. You thought he'd done well, although you wished it could last forever, you were happy to finish him off now. Licking a strip up his length, then bottoming out your own mouth with his aching member. He instinctively thrusted up into your mouth, making this sick game of yours end as soon as possible. You allowed him to finish in any way he pleased, which ended up just being down your throat — he feared doing anything else would lead back into edging.

"fuckfuckfuck- a-ah!" He moaned, thick ropes of hot white cum spilled out, finally releasing what'd been kept in for atleast a couple hours now. You swallowed and lapped up every last drop of his milky relief, while he layed there — nearly passed out from how intense that orgasm was. He was so, so pretty like this, just a sensitive little mess, sweaty and exhausted. He weirdly was never a fan of recieving aftercare — he said it made him feel too incapable, which is understandable. Although, you knew he'd need it after tonight, you'd force him if you had to.

jeezus i can yap aye

[sunmovesbehindyou]

im in NEED for needy clancy humping torch pLSSSS

okay i’m thinking after navigating music vid. (i swear one day my little oneshot will be done and it will have this in more detail)

clancy so so eager to be with torch n so excited to finally have torch to himself after all of these years. he would beg to be touched as soon as they got into camp, his hands all over him and his eyes never leaving him. he’s so desperate for his touch.

“c’mere baby,” torch would egg him on, grabbing him by the waist and sliding his hands underneath all his layers. torch would lay him down, strip each piece off one by one, kissing his exposed skin each time. clancy would have goosebumps all over him, whining and writhing under his touch. every second torch isn’t touching him, he’s begging for it again. by the time torch gets him stripped to just his boxers, his poor baby his shaking, his dick is so hard, and his skin is so flushed.

i know clance would start begging to feel his skin. “please, just wan’ feel you, please,” he’ll thrust his hips up to meet josh’s as he pulls him down to kiss him again. they’re both so fucking needy, aching for each other. “need it,”

torch will slowly grind his hips down, and it would make clancy whimper so loud he has to clamp a hand over his mouth. but torch is having so much fun watching him fall apart that he flips them over, letting clance rut against him as fast as he wants to. his cock is throbbing against torch’s fully clothed body. as much as torch wants to fuck him he just lets clancy rub himself against him until he’s shaking and his eyes are watering. it’s so many unfamiliar feelings for him because of how long it’s been.

torch keeps encouraging him, telling him things like “that’s it baby,” “you’re doing so good for me,” “missed having you like this,” “let go for me, honey,”

when he starts to cum the tears will spill, he’s crying into torch’s shoulder and he’s shaking in top of him. i just knowww torch is easing him through it, rubbing his back up and down and kissing the top of his head. cum gets all over clancy’s stomach and on torchbearer’s clothes but he doesn’t mind. when he’s finished and he’s a little calmer, torch will def lick the cum off of his stomach, and that alone is making tyler squirm and moan against him.

torch def fucks him afterwards, niceeee and slow..

i hope u enjoyed this send me more asks if you did. ;)

[sirens-wont-wake-me-up]

google docs doesn't understand the depths of writing smut

[hype-old-posts]

i wanna rewrite the forest fic but with clancy and torchbearer.....

[joshlersgoat]

“A First Morning” [a Joshler fanfiction that’s teasingly close to smut]

Josh wasn’t used to sharing his bed. He wasn’t used to having someone else in his space at all, really. But last night had been a first, a milestone he and Tyler had talked about for weeks. After a few months of dating, they’d decided it was time. It wasn’t anything huge, nothing grand, but it felt big to them. Tyler was staying the night at Josh’s place, and for the first time, they’d fallen asleep side by side.

Well, sort of.

The previous evening had been filled with moments that balanced between excitement and awkwardness. Tyler had arrived with an overnight bag, looking shy but smiling. They’d eaten dinner together, watched a movie, and spent the rest of the evening talking about everything and nothing at all. It was easy being with Tyler, until they climbed into bed.

Josh had tried to act casual, like it wasn’t a big deal, but he’d been hyper-aware of everything. The way Tyler laid stiffly on his side, as far to the edge of the mattress as he could without falling off. The inch of space between their bodies that felt like a chasm. The way neither of them dared to move closer.

They didn’t touch. Not even once. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, it was more that the vulnerability of the moment was too much. So they’d fallen asleep like that, backs turned toward each other, pretending it was comfortable.

But now, in the pale light of morning, everything had changed.

Josh woke to find Tyler draped over him, his head resting on Josh’s chest, his arm looped loosely around his waist. Tyler’s breath was warm and soft against his skin, and his body was relaxed in a way that made Josh’s heart ache.

He lay still, afraid to move, afraid to wake Tyler and ruin whatever dream he might be having. Josh’s mind wandered, marveling at how natural this felt despite the nerves they’d both had just hours earlier. The rise and fall of Tyler’s breathing was steady, grounding Josh in the moment.

After a while, Josh shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable without waking him. Tyler stirred at the movement, mumbling incoherently before his eyes fluttered open.

It took Tyler a moment to realize where he was. When he did, his entire body tensed, and he sat up so quickly that he nearly fell off the bed. “Oh my God,” he stammered, running a hand through his messy hair. “I-what-oh God.”

Josh bit back a laugh, propping himself up on one elbow. “Morning,” he said, his tone light.

Tyler’s face was beet red as he stared at Josh, wide-eyed. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “I don’t know how that happened. I-I didn’t mean to-“

Josh couldn’t hold back his laughter this time. “Relax,” he said, reaching out to touch Tyler’s arm gently. “You’re fine.”

“I was all over you!” Tyler exclaimed, clearly mortified.

Josh shrugged, his lips curving into a soft smile. “Yeah, you were. But it wasn’t so bad.”

Tyler groaned, burying his face in his hands. “This is so embarrassing.”

Josh sat up fully, the covers pooling around his waist. He tilted his head, studying Tyler for a moment before leaning closer. “You know,” he said softly, “it was kind of nice.”

Tyler lowered his hands just enough to glare at him. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“I’m not,” Josh said sincerely. “I mean, sure, it was a little unexpected. But it felt… right.”

Tyler’s blush deepened, but the tension in his shoulders eased a bit. He glanced at Josh, his expression unsure. “You mean that?”

Josh nodded. “Yeah. I mean it.”

They sat in silence for a moment, the awkwardness giving way to something softer, something more real.

“Okay,” Tyler said finally, his voice quiet. “But next time… maybe warn me if I’m doing something weird in my sleep?”

Josh grinned. “Deal. But I wouldn’t call it weird.”

Tyler groaned again, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he flopped back onto the bed. Josh lay back down beside him, the space between them smaller this time.

As they settled into the quiet of the morning, Josh felt Tyler’s hand brush against his under the covers, tentative but deliberate. He didn’t pull away. Instead, he smiled to himself, knowing they’d crossed another invisible line in whatever this thing between them was. And it felt good.

Tyler stared at the ceiling, his hand gripping the edge of the blanket like it was a lifeline. The awkward silence hung between them, broken only by the occasional creak of the bed as Josh shifted. He could feel Josh’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare look over. His chest was tight, his thoughts a messy swirl of embarrassment and something else he couldn’t quite name.

Josh finally broke the silence, his voice soft but firm. “You know what? Come back here.”

Tyler’s head snapped toward him, his eyes wide. “What?”

Josh was already lying back against the pillows, patting the spot on his chest where Tyler had been moments ago. “Come back,” he repeated. “You were comfortable, right?

Tyler hesitated, his fingers twisting in the blanket. “I… I don’t know,” he muttered, his voice barely audible.

Josh raised an eyebrow, his tone light but carrying an undertone of sincerity. “You don’t know? Look, Ty, I get it. This is new. But it’s just me. You don’t have to be so-“

“So what?” Tyler cut in, sitting up straighter. “Uncomfortable? Embarrassed? Yeah, I know. I feel ridiculous, okay?”

Josh frowned, sitting up as well. He ran a hand through his hair, his own thoughts swirling. “Why ridiculous?” he asked, his voice quieter now.

Tyler let out a frustrated sigh, gesturing vaguely between them. “Because… because I don’t know how to do this! Any of this. I mean, I’ve never…” He trailed off, his face reddening again as he looked away.

Josh’s expression softened, and he leaned forward slightly, trying to catch Tyler’s eyes. “You’ve never what?”

Tyler shook his head, refusing to answer. His fingers dug into the blanket, and his jaw tightened. “I just…. this is hard for me, okay?”

“I know,” Josh said gently. “But it’s me. You don’t have to hide from me, Ty. I’m not asking you to be perfect or know all the answers. I’m just asking you to… let this happen.”

Tyler finally met his gaze, his eyes searching Josh’s face for something he wasn’t sure he’d find. He didn’t say anything, but after a long moment, he let out a shaky breath and shifted closer, lying back down against Josh’s chest.

Josh exhaled in relief, wrapping an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. “See?” he murmured. “Not so bad.”

Tyler didn’t respond right away. His head rested against Josh’s chest, and he focused on the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was calming, grounding.

“I’ve never done this before,” Tyler admitted quietly.

Josh’s hand stilled where it had been tracing circles against Tyler’s back. “What, stayed the night with someone?”

Tyler shook his head, his voice barely a whisper. “No. Been this close. To… anyone.”

Josh’s chest tightened. He’d suspected as much, but hearing Tyler say it aloud was different. He kept his voice steady, his touch gentle. “That’s okay,��� he said softly.

Tyler shifted, tilting his head to look up at him. “Is it?” he asked, his voice laced with doubt.

Josh nodded. “Yeah. It’s more than okay. It just means we take our time. Figure it out together.”

Tyler studied him for a long moment, then asked, “What about you? Have you… done this?”

Josh’s expression faltered for a moment, but he recovered quickly, giving Tyler a small smile. “Yeah,” he said honestly. “I’ve done this. Been with someone. Guys, I mean.”

Tyler felt his stomach twist. He wasn’t sure why—maybe it was jealousy, maybe insecurity. “And?” he asked cautiously.

Josh’s smile faded, his gaze distant. “And… it didn’t go great,” he admitted. “It wasn’t what I wanted it to be. It felt more like something I had to prove to myself. Or to them. I don’t know.”

Tyler frowned, his hand resting lightly on Josh’s chest. “Why didn’t it go great?”

Josh let out a slow breath, his voice tinged with regret. “Because it wasn’t with someone I trusted. Not like this.” He looked down at Tyler, his expression serious. “Not like you.”

Tyler’s chest tightened again, but this time it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was something warmer, something that made him feel safe even as his heart raced. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything at all.

Josh brushed a hand through Tyler’s hair, his touch light and comforting. “You don’t have to rush this, Ty. We don’t have to rush anything. I just want you to feel safe with me. That’s all.”

Tyler closed his eyes, letting Josh’s words wash over him. He felt himself relax for the first time all morning, his body sinking into Josh’s embrace.

“I do…” he whispered finally. “Feel safe with you.”

Josh’s smile returned, small but genuine. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Tyler’s head. “Good,” he said quietly. “That’s all I need.”

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped in the quiet morning light, the space between them now filled with something unspoken but deeply understood.

A few hours later, first thing Tyler became aware of was how comfortable he was. The second was that he shouldn’t have been.

The soft warmth of Josh’s chest beneath his cheek, the steady rise and fall of his breathing-it was all too easy, too safe. But the sensation low in Tyler’s stomach was anything but safe. He shifted slightly, trying to ignore the growing heat in his body, the way his thoughts kept wandering to Josh in ways they hadn’t before.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to will it away, but the friction from even the smallest movement only made things worse. His breath hitched, and he froze, praying Josh wouldn’t wake up.

No such luck.

“Ty?” Josh’s voice was still thick with sleep, but there was a teasing edge to it, like he already knew something was up.

Tyler stiffened. “You’re awake,” he muttered, his voice a little too high-pitched.

Josh yawned, stretching slightly beneath him. His arm stayed firmly around Tyler’s back, holding him in place. “You woke me up,” he said, his lips curving into a lazy smile. “What’s going on? You can’t sit still.”

“Nothing,” Tyler said quickly, though his voice cracked on the word.

Josh raised an eyebrow, fully awake now. “Uh-huh,” he said, clearly unconvinced. He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” Josh definitely knew what was going on. But it was okay, because Josh felt it too.

Tyler groaned, his face heating up as he tried to pull away, but Josh tightened his grip, effectively trapping him.

“Whoa, ” Josh said, his grin widening. “Where are you going? You’re not getting out of this that easily.”

“I just… need some space,” Tyler mumbled, still refusing to meet Josh’s gaze.

Josh smirked. “Space? You didn’t seem to need space last night when you were cuddled up on top of me.”

Tyler let out a strangled noise, burying his face in his hands. “Josh, please.”

“You’re so cute Tyler” Josh said. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s got you so… fidgety this morning.” His voice dropped slightly, his tone laced with amusement. “It wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with me, would it?”

Tyler groaned again, wishing the bed would swallow him whole. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad,” Josh said, his grin turning into a full-on smirk. “Because now I really want to know.” He shifted slightly beneath Tyler, his voice dropping lower. “Let me guess… you’re feeling a little… worked up?”

“Josh!” Tyler hissed, his face practically glowing.

“What?” Josh said, laughing now. “It’s not a big deal. It happens. You’re allowed to be attracted to me, you know.”

Tyler finally looked up, his expression equal parts mortified and defensive. “I couldn’t help it, okay? I wasn’t trying to-”

“To what?” Josh interrupted, leaning closer with a teasing glint in his eye. “Think about me like that?”

“Stop,” Tyler said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Josh chuckled, his hand sliding up to the back of Tyler’s neck. “Why? You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Tyler groaned again, flopping back onto the bed beside Josh and throwing an arm over his face. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” Josh said, rolling onto his side to face him. His voice softened slightly, though the amusement never left his tone. “Seriously, though. It’s fine. You don’t have to be weird about it.”

“I’m not being weird,” Tyler muttered, though the redness in his face suggested otherwise.

Josh smirked, leaning closer. “Okay, then say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say that you were thinking about me.”

Tyler groaned, his arm still covering his face. “You’re the worst.”

Josh laughed, leaning in to nudge Tyler’s arm away. “Come on, just admit it. You were feeling a little…” He paused, his grin turning wicked. “Horny?”

“Josh,” Tyler said warningly, though his voice lacked any real bite.

“Fine,” Josh said, sitting back and throwing his hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll drop it.” He paused for a beat before adding with a sly grin, “For now.”

Tyler sighed, finally uncovering his face to glare at Josh. “You’re really not going to let this go, are you?”

Josh shrugged, still smirking. “Not when you’re this fun to mess with.”

Despite himself, Tyler felt a small smile tug at the corners of his lips. “You’re insufferable.”

“And you’re adorable,” Josh countered, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Tyler’s forehead.

Tyler groaned again, but this time it was half-hearted. He let out a deep breath, his body finally relaxing as Josh wrapped an arm around him again, pulling him close.

“Next time,” Tyler muttered, his voice muffled against Josh’s chest, “I’m sleeping on the couch.”

Josh laughed, his hand tracing circles on Tyler’s back. “Sure you are, Ty. Sure you are.”

[kidzboppizza]

Josh is a guardian angel sent down from heaven to save Tyler.

Too bad he hit his head on a pole and developed amnesia. All he can remember is one thing: Tyler Joseph.

Please check out my first ever Joshler fic! It’s going to be a long one. ♥️😇♥️

Updates every Sunday and Wednesday!

PLEAAAASE let me know what you think and comment/message me on here about it :)

[leviethinsaint]

TWENTY ONE PILOTS LORE RP

Hi I’ve gotten super deep into the lore. I’ve just gotten back from my Clancy tour date and I really really need a lore based joshler rp. I can play Tyler if someone is willing to play Josh!!

18+ please as I do plan on having mature themes and smut, but as far as plot wise I’m willing to flesh out whatever works for us. But I love the idea of it starting with Tyler in dema and meeting torchbearer Josh on his first escape and it turning into some good angsty slowburn.

I’m a literate to novella writer, so responses with be usually 12 if not more paragraphs. I wrote third person past tense. And I have only two triggers no vomit or bathroom play and nothing sexual involving kids or animals. Other than that we can take this plot as dark as we’d like.

I rp on discord and will make pintrest boards as well as playlists for this. I love getting fully immersed in the world!! If you’re interested please like this or message me and we can discuss more!!!

[krysiliss]

21 F Looking for a 19+ roleplay partner! Joshler ship, nsfw based

I used to be a hard core twenty one pilots fan I enjoy their music still just not as obsessed but I absolutely love the Joshler ship based rp’s

I prefer to play Tyler as the sub so if anyone is interested in playing Josh as the dom message me!! I also have discord and prefer to msg there since I’m more active.

Mostly love doing detailed replies and I’m great with keeping plots fresh. I’m open to anything, no triggers or anything of that sort as long as communication is clear on likes / dislikes and we should be good! As for replies Im looking for someone pretty active, of course if life gets in the way that’s fine but just a heads letting me know when possible is perf.

This post is always open for new people even if you are seeing this several months and so on later as I love finding new partners!

[oldiesstationlover11607]

So like about that one TikTok I’ve sent you, I was thinking the most basic, every school girl dream, plot. Like the reader is a fan and she comes to see them live, stands there, Josh likes her, interacts with her during the show and then invites her backstage to do some dirty things

Loved your work about Tyler throughout the years, that was exactly what I was thinking about 💖💖💖🪬

Backstage - Josh Dun x Fem!Reader - Smut

Warnings: unprotected sex (do not do that lol eww) + the trauma that comes with reading smut :)

Word Count: 2551

A/N: Sorry this took so long lol it was fun 😭 i tried second person pov and present tense so lmk if you prefer that. enjoy bestie :)

message for people who know me irl - FUCK OFF RN OR I WILL FIND YOU :)

You’ve never been this close to the stage before. The lights are blinding, and the bass thumps so loud you can feel it in your chest, vibrating through your entire body. You’ve seen Twenty One Pilots live before, but this is something different. This is intimate. Front row, close enough to almost touch the band, close enough to feel the energy pulse through you like an electric current.

The crowd around you screams as the music starts, and your heart races in anticipation. Tyler's voice fills the arena, smooth yet raw, while Josh sits behind the drums, pounding away with an intensity that makes your pulse quicken. You can barely take your eyes off him. His cotton candy pink hair shines under the spotlights, his arms moving with impossible speed, muscles flexing with every hit. You’ve always had a bit of a crush on Josh, but seeing him this close is something else entirely. He is magnetic.

You try to focus on the music, letting yourself get lost in the moment like everyone else around you. But every now and then, your gaze drifts back to Josh. And that’s when it happens. For the briefest second, in the middle of a song, he looks directly at you. You’re not imagining it. His eyes flick over the crowd, then land on you. It’s like the air around you shifts. His lips curve into a small, almost imperceptible smile, and then he goes back to drumming, but the connection lingers.

You brush it off, thinking it’s just a coincidence. After all, there are hundreds of people in the crowd. Why would he notice you? But as the show goes on, you keep catching him glancing in your direction. Every time, his gaze seems to linger a little longer. During the bridge of one song, he stands up, walks around the front of the stage while Tyler plays solo, and again, his eyes find yours. This time, he winks.

Your breath catches in your throat. Is this really happening? You can’t believe it. Your whole body feels like it’s buzzing, your skin tingling under the heat of his attention. It feels like the whole arena has faded away, and it’s just the two of you. His energy is palpable, almost overwhelming, and you feel yourself getting lost in it, in him.

As the show nears its end, you think that will be it. A few stolen glances, maybe a wink, and nothing more. But then, during the last song, Josh does something unexpected. He leans to the side between drum beats and says something to a security member. The man looks at you, and Josh nods before continuing to bash the drums.

The rest of the concert passes in a blur. You’re barely aware of the music anymore, your mind racing with possibilities. By the time the final notes ring out and the crowd erupts into applause, you’re trembling with a mix of excitement and nerves. You can’t believe this is happening.

As fans start to leave the venue, you are still waiting at the front of the barricade. Your heart pounds, and you have no idea what to expect. You’re standing there, trying to calm your racing thoughts, when a hand taps you on the shoulder.

You spin around to find a security guard, towering over you with an unreadable expression. “I’ve been asked to bring you backstage,” he says.

You follow him through a maze of corridors, your pulse quickening with each step. Finally, you reach a door labeled ‘Dressing Room.’ The guard opens it, and you step inside, your stomach flipping with anticipation.

Josh is there, sitting casually on a couch, a towel draped over his shoulders, still damp from the show. He looks up as you enter, his smile widening. “Hey,” he says, standing up and crossing the room toward you. Up close, he is even more stunning. His skin glistens with sweat, and his eyes have that same intensity that drew you in earlier.

“Hi,” you manage to say, your voice shaky. You’re not sure what to do with your hands, so you shove them awkwardly into your pockets.

“You look like you’re having fun out there,” he says, his voice low and smooth as he looks you up and down. He stands so close now you can feel the heat radiating off him, smell the faint scent of sweat mixed with something else, something distinctly him.

“Yeah, I—I love your music,” you stammer, your cheeks burning.

He chuckles, the sound vibrating through you. “Thanks. I noticed you. All night, I kept catching your eyes.” He reaches out, brushing a stray hair from your face. His fingers linger against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

You swallow hard, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to process what is happening. All you can focus on is how close he is, how his hand now rests lightly on your waist, drawing you even closer.

“I don’t usually do this,” he murmurs, his lips inches from yours.

Your breath hitches, and you find yourself leaning into him, drawn by some invisible force. “Do what?”

“This.” And then, without warning, he closes the gap between you, his lips crashing against yours.

The kiss is fierce, hungry, and you melt into it, your hands finally finding their place against his chest. His skin is warm beneath your fingertips, his heartbeat strong and steady. Josh's hands tighten around your waist, pulling you even closer until there is no space between you. The room spins, and all you can think about is him—his lips, his touch, the way he makes you feel like the only person in the world.

Things escalate quickly, the intensity of the moment wrapping you both up in a whirlwind of heat and desire.

Josh's lips move expertly against yours, igniting a fire within you that spreads through every cell in your body. You can taste the sweetness of his mouth, feel the slight roughness of his stubble against your soft skin. His hands roam over your curves, mapping out the contours of your body as if committing every inch to memory.

You press closer, your breasts flattening against his firm chest, your hips grinding instinctively against the hardness growing between his thighs. The friction sends jolts of pleasure coursing through you, making your head spin and your knees weak.

Breaking the kiss momentarily, Josh trails his lips along your jawline, nipping gently at your earlobe before whispering, “God, you're beautiful.” His hot breath sends shivers down your spine, and you tilt your head to give him better access.

You groan softly as your lips meet his once more, pouring all of your pent-up desire into the kiss. His hands slide down your back, coming to rest on the swell of your hips as he pulls you flush against him. Fingers digging into the flesh of your hips, he holds you steady as you feel his hard length against you. The friction is maddening, stoking the flames of your arousal higher with each passing second.

“I want you so bad,” he breathes against your lips, his voice husky with need.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he repeats. “God, I can’t get enough of your touch, your taste… everything about you just drives me wild,” he pushes you against the door.

“Fuck, Josh,” you groan, feeling everything. His hands roam your body with increasing urgency, squeezing your ass. Lips attacking your neck, he nips and sucks at the delicate skin there.

“Tell me what you want,” he demands, his words muffled against your throat. “I'll give it to you, anything, just please... let me make you mine.”

“God yes, yes,” you pant.

“Oh, baby, you have no idea what I’m gonna do to you,” he rasps, his lips traveling down your neck to your collarbone. He takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling at the sensitive bud while his other hand teases the other breast. Your heart races beneath his touch, your breath ragged as he works to drive you wild. It’s intoxicating, knowing he has power over you. Your free hand slides down to palm your sex through your pants. “Let me take care of you, Y/N.”

You let out a groan, grinding yourself on his hand in a desperate attempt to feel something. He starts to rub slow circles over your clothed sex, feeling the heat radiating from your core. “That's it, baby,” he encourages, his fingers deftly unbuttoning your pants and slipping inside to stroke your bare folds. “Don't hold back. Let me hear those sexy sounds you make when you're turned on.”

He pushes a finger inside your tight heat, groaning as you clench around him. Slowly, he starts to pump in and out, curling his digit to hit that special spot that makes you see stars. “So fucking tight,” he grunts, adding another finger and scissoring them to stretch you open. “Gonna fill you up so good, Y/N.”

“Fuck, fill me up,” you groan. Almost immediately, he strips you of your jeans and panties, leaving you exposed and vulnerable to his desires. Grabbing your hips, he lifts you almost effortlessly, positioning you above his straining cock. Your entrance hovers mere inches away, teasing you.

“Are you ready for me?” he asks, his voice rough with barely restrained desire. “Ready to feel every thick inch of me stretching you wide open?” Without waiting for a response, he lowers you onto his shaft, groaning as your velvety walls engulf him. Inch by delicious inch, he fills you completely, until your hips meet and he is buried to the hilt inside your tight heat. Slowly, he starts to pump in and out, curling his digit to hit that special spot that makes me see stars. 

“So fucking tight,” he grunts, adding another finger and scissoring them to stretch you open. “Gonna fill you up so good, Y/N.”

“Fuck fill me up,” you groan. Almost immediately he strips you of your jeans and panties leaving you exposed and vulnerable to his desires. Grabbing your hips he lifts you almost effortlessly, positioning you above his straining cock. 

“Are you ready for me?” he asks, his voice rough with barely restrained desire. Without waiting for a response, he lowers you onto his shaft, groaning as your velvety walls engulf him. Inch by delicious inch, he fills you completely, until your hips meet and he is buried to the hilt inside your tight heat. 

“Fuuuuck,” you hiss through clenched teeth, fighting the urge to climax instantly.

“You feel incredible, baby. Like you were made just for me,” Josh groans.

As Josh's words echo in your ears, you feel his cock pulse inside you, the fullness making you gasp. His hands grip your hips tightly, anchoring you in place as you both take a moment to catch your breath. Your body is on fire, every nerve ending electrified by the intensity of the moment. You can feel his heartbeat, fast and erratic, matching your own. The connection between you is undeniable, a magnetic pull that neither of you can resist.

Slowly, he starts to move, lifting you up just enough before pulling you back down onto him. The friction is exquisite, a delicious stretch that has you biting your lip to keep from crying out too loudly. His thrusts are slow but deep, each one sending waves of pleasure through your body, building a tension in your core that begs for release.

You wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder as you cling to him, letting him take control. He sets a rhythm, steady but intense, his breath hot against your ear as he groans with each thrust. “God, Y/N, you feel so fucking good,” he whispers, his voice strained with desire.

Your body responds instinctively, your hips meeting his thrusts with increasing urgency, the need for release growing unbearable. Every movement, every touch, every sound heightens the pleasure until it is almost too much to bear.

Josh’s hands roam your body, one sliding up to cup your breast while the other grips your ass, guiding you in time with his thrusts. You can feel the tension in him too, the way his muscles tense with each movement, his breaths coming out in short, ragged gasps.

You’re close, so close, and you can tell he is too. “Josh, I—” you gasp, unable to form a coherent thought as the pleasure builds to a fever pitch.

“Let go, baby,” he rasps, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he chases his own release. “I’ve got you.”

That is all it takes. With one final thrust, the tension inside you snaps, and you cry out as the orgasm rips through you, your body trembling with the force of it. Josh follows moments later, his entire body tensing, muscles flexing as he erupts inside you. Thick ropes of cum pulse from his twitching cock, flooding your insides with his essence. Each spurt seems to go on forever, painting your walls with his release. Slowly, the intensity of your orgasms begins to ebb, leaving behind a warm, tingling sensation that spreads throughout your limbs. He cradles you close, his arms wrapped tightly around your quivering form as you both struggle to catch your breath.

“That was... incredible,” he chuckles softly, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

“Yeah. Wow.” He kisses you again, this time slow and gentle, as if savoring the moment.

As you finally pull apart, reality starts to creep back in. You suddenly feel self-conscious, standing there half-naked in the dressing room of one of your favorite musicians. But Josh doesn’t seem fazed at all. He just smiles at you, his eyes soft and warm, and for a moment, it feels like everything is perfect.

“Are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern etched across his face.

You nod, still trying to process what just happened. “I’m more than okay.”

“Good.” He grins, leaning in to give you another sweet kiss. The heat of the moment lingers, but the adrenaline slowly gives way to a soft warmth that envelops you both.

Josh reaches for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I don’t usually bring fans back here, but there was something about you,” he says, his voice low and sincere.

You can’t help but smile, your heart racing all over again. “I’m glad you did.”

He takes a step back, his gaze lingering on you as if he’s memorizing every detail. “So, what now? Do you have any plans?”

You shake your head, feeling giddy. “No, not really. Just came to see you guys perform.”

“Then how about we hang out for a bit? Just the two of us?” he suggests, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Yeah, I’d love that,” you reply, your heart fluttering.

He pulls you closer, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “Great. Let’s just take a minute to breathe, alright? You blew my mind, and I want to make sure we enjoy this.”

You nod, feeling a sense of bliss wash over you. As you sit together on the couch, the sound of the after-show excitement fades into the background. For the first time since you arrived, you feel completely at ease, reveling in the moment with him.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[redbullveinz]

intro

hello . i'm clancy . he / it .

i'm an enjoyer of dead dove content , twenty one pilots and true crime documentaries . i write , draw , play guitar and sleep often .

i'm hoping to make some friends . meet new people and just have a nice time here .

[j-jinxee]

JOSH THOUGHTS -☆

NSFW under the cut! [warnings - general sex thoughts]

Thinking about Josh, how he can't keep his hands to himself. How fucking good it'd feel with just his hands, all over you. The way he touches you like no other, how he holds you all night, whether that be through unconsciousness or through an orgasm. He's so good at getting you to focus on nothing but him, your senses immediately crowded by every aspect of him. His hands lace every inch of your body while you desperately plead for him to stop teasing and just fuck you already.

And when he finally does, holy fuck he's so pretty. No matter much he makes you blush, how much you wanna look away, you just can't. You're completely infatuated with him as he hits all the perfect spots, so deep inside you. You see his pupils blow wider with each thrust, completely hypnotised by the feeling. Your hands find their way to his toned back, leaving rough red marks as your nails drag down his skin. The sight of his arms and shoulders flexing as he keeps himself hovering over you, it only gets you closer and closer. He's slow — and deep, only ever fucking you hard and fast if you ask him to. He prefers the intimacy of slowly working you to the edge while you're fixated on his eyes and the uneven rhythm of his breathing.

----------------------------------------------------

I like this style of just like yapping instead of like full one shots yk lmao I'm just lazy 🫶🏻🫶🏻 anyway new TØP song soon woohoooo

[liseytopia]

WOAH WHAT?

wc is 7.5k but i ate up ALLLLL of it

Lucky Day [Josh Dun x Reader]

Title; Lucky Day Pairing; Josh Dun x AFAB!Reader Rating: Explicit CW; Smut, Semi-Public Sex, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs

summary; You win a random raffle for a VIP Meet and Greet with Twenty One Pilots during the Clancy World Tour. But when you're left alone in a green room with Josh Dun while Tyler fixes something with the sound check, well, your luck just keeps getting better.

ao3 link

You didn’t even know that the competition was going on.

You were never one to pay too much attention to social media, especially when it came to trying to hide spoilers of your favorite band’s upcoming tour. The Clancy Tour was supposed to be an amazing show, from your online friend’s spoiler-free descriptions of events. Pyrotechnics and the boys moving all around the entire arena, making sure that every person in every seat had something fun to look forward to. It was really sweet, you thought, how far they were going for this tour. It was a big one, after all, so why wouldn’t they? Your heartbeat was racing in line as you bounced on your feet, seeing each of the security guards offering out numbered bracelets to each person with smiles.

“Here you go,” One said when she finally reached you, “Looks like you’re 121.”

You were a little disappointed not to get double digits for your first show, but you didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth as you grinned and thanked her. She flashed something of a knowing smile for only a second before moving on to the others behind you. You slipped the band around your wrist and wiggled it into place, looking around curiously to check if anyone else was leaving for food or rest so that you could sneak alongside them. The last thing you wanted was all of these people seeing you scurry away. The thought of all of those eyes sent a shiver down your spine.

“Hey, what’s your number?”

It was a different security guard this time, talking to the small chunk of you that had just received bands. The people around you rattled off their numbers as they gazed at their wrists. The security man's eyes settled on you. Your gaze flashed to your band and you repeated 121 to him. The man nodded and pointed at you, reaching out his hand with a quick, “Come with me, please.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach and you felt your head spin with shock. Did you do something wrong? Had you cut someone by mistake? You looked around at the others in line, all equally as confused as you were. With a shaky nod, you shimmied your way from the line and followed behind the security guard while trying to ignore the wetness of your palms growing ever intense. Panic rattled your head, loud and obtrusive in its indignancy.

You’re going to get kicked out of the show. Someone framed you for a crime. You were complained about and now they had to sort it out and-.

“Here.”

You blinked in surprise, returning to reality as you looked down at the thin, cleanly cut orange wristband with the words ‘VIP WINNER’ across the plastic in white, blocky font. The Clancy logo rested next to it, also in white, a clear indication of its finality alongside it stamped with the Fueled By Ramen trademark at the very edge. It was a legit thing. Your brows furrowed as you took it in your hand, looking back up to the small group of venue organizers and security you had just realized you were brought to.

“O-Oh um. What is this for?” You wondered, holding it up dumbly.

“We decided for a few of these shows to do a little raffle,” One of the venue managers, possibly a Twenty One Pilots crew member, explained, “They’re pretty hush, but we’ve been choosing one or two people at random in the GA line for a small meet and greet with the band. If you aren’t interested in it, we can take it back and redraw a number. Otherwise, if you want to, just talk with venue security at 3:00. Make sure it’s no later than 3:30, though, or we’ll revoke access.”

Meet and Greet. VIP. The words spun in your head as your smile spread on your lips and you nodded. Your legs were shaking and your body was vibrating with excitement. Anticipation. You had won something like that? You must have used up all of your luck for the year, surely, but somehow you were okay with that. Okay because you could come back at three and meet them. You could meet Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph.

And Josh Dun. You had said that already, though.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like Tyler, of course. His lyrics hit you where it hurt and his intensity was something you admired greatly. Josh, though…

You thought of pictures of him. His squinty smile as he stuck his broad tongue out to cameras for photographs. His messy hair, now under-dyed red against his strong jaw. His entire body practically rippled every time he hit his drum set in videos, sending beads of sweat flying off of his forehead as he kept beat. The same sweat that made him shine under stage lights and…

“Any questions?”

“N-No. No, thank you. I’ll just be back at 3 then?”

“Yep, that’s all there is to it.”

You guarded your wristband with a thank you and hurried off, shoving it in your pocket and keeping your hand on it as you weaved around people. You tried to ignore the paranoia that all of their eyes were on you. That they had known what you were receiving.

Luckily you made it home in one piece, with enough time to throw yourself into your bathroom for a half-hour shower. You rubbed your hair and body with your favorite scented shampoo and body wash, lathering yourself up to drown in your signature smell. You brushed your teeth at least three times, flossing and throwing back some mouthwash for an extra kick of minty freshness. You bit your lips and watched your face carefully, brows furrowed as you attempted to decide if makeup was a good idea or not. You decided to just wear Chapstick. You’d sweat off all of the makeup in the pit at the end of the night anyway, you forgot to buy setting spray.

The outfit was what took the longest. You swore you felt like you were spending hours debating between two pairs of pants and a mini-skirt when your phone chimed with a reminder you had set up earlier. 2:00. You had an hour to dress and book it to the venue. With a huff and a quick ‘fuck it’ you decided to go with what you knew would be the most practical in a tightly packed pit. Pants with a couple extra pockets, hanging low on your hips as you threw over a Clancy shirt you had chopped up into something of a cropped tank top for the hot weather of your city.

You made it to the venue a little early after. The ten-minute wait until exactly 3:00 was killing you. When the digits of your phone finally switched, however, you mumbled a polite ‘excuse me’ to those in line before reaching the front. The security guard looked at you, a different one from earlier. You cleared your throat and pulled out your wristband from your pocket, relieved you hadn’t forgotten to trade it from your previous pants.

His eyes lit up in understanding and he opened the door to the venue for you. You heard just a few mumbles behind you but chose to ignore them as you entered the space. Air conditioning hit you immediately, making you sigh in appreciation as your wristband was wrapped around your right hand and your ticket for the actual show was scanned. “The doors open at 6:15 and the band has a final sound check at 5, just for some finishing touches. Just wait here while we get you your escort.”

You nodded, mind buzzing as you stood awkwardly beyond the entryway of the space. Your eyes caught those outside through the glass doors, watching you with frowns of curiosity. Blushing and awkward, you shuffled away from the doorway and down the hall a little further towards the venue’s stage. You bit your lip and bounced on your heels as you watched a familiar-looking man hurry towards you with a grin on his lips and a clipboard between his hands. He looked tired.

“Hi! I’m Mark,” He greeted with a nod at you, “You’re the VIP Winner, right?”

“O-Oh! Yeah, yeah that’s me, I’m Y/N” You laughed nervously, “I’m still in shock from that, honesty. I didn’t think I’d get so lucky.”

“Everyone’s day comes.” Mark laughed with you as he tilted his head, “Well then, Y/N, let's head over. The basic gist of it is that you can come backstage and I’ll introduce you to Tyler and Josh. We have a bit of a little lunch set up in the back, not much just sandwiches, but you can have some if you’d like. Any food allergies?”

“Oh, no, thanks for asking though.”

“All good. I’ll have to have you leave around the final sound check since they’ll need to warm up after.”

“That’s so fine,” You agreed with a nod. You’d still get, what, a couple of hours alone with the both of them? Your mind was on fire and you hoped it wasn’t also on your cheeks as you scurried behind Mark, quickening your legs a bit in order to keep up with him. He must be built for walking fast at this point in his life.

The walk was around the main entrance to the stage and into the backrooms. Security smiled at Mark and greeted him as they let you both through. You tried to stick close, terrified of getting separated, until you came to the open space of a shared break room. Security guards and stage crew were all chatting, munching on sandwiches, and sipping water with grins on their faces. No music played, the room was only filled with talk. You admired the space as Mark pointed it to you, explaining it was where the food was and you were welcome to it. You were shown the bathroom, given a small peak of the stage being used, and then brought all the way backstage until you saw a single piece of printer paper taped to the front of a door.

TWENTY-ONE PILOTS: TALENT

Your heart was a roar in your ears, a crashing wave as you wiped your hands on your pants awkwardly. Mark knocked on the door a few times, calling out after, “Tyler, Josh, you guys decent? I brought the VIP for the Meet and Greet!”

A voice called after a beat of a pause, “Bring ‘em in Markie.”

With a roll of his eyes, Mark opened up the door and gestured for you to go in first. You almost couldn’t move, but you somehow willed your legs into the space regardless.

It was a medium-sized room, with a long countertop that doubled as a sunken vanity in front of a mirror. The other side was decorated with pictures of other performers who had been in the room, their signatures signed on each of them. A couch was tucked under the photographs, and that was where Tyler was sitting with his legs crossed as he peered down at his phone. Josh was standing, however, with a bottle of water in his hand as he pulled at the center of his tank top to allow air to flow between the fabric.

Josh looked up at you first and you swore you were going to melt right there. He smiled as your eyes met, nervous but welcoming as he approached you and Mark with an eager wave of his hand. You swore he’d be wagging his tail if he had one. It made your shoulders relaxed as you smiled back at him, extending your hand as he did his. Your palms touched and you were almost relieved to find that his were literally just as sweaty as yours. You both seemed to tense at it, but your smiles helped you both to come to an understanding that nothing had to be said about it.

Tyler appeared second, his hand in yours for only a moment as he balanced his phone in his other with a polite smile at you as well. “It’s nice to meet you,” Tyler’s voice was kind but shy as he nodded.

“You too,” You laughed in disbelief, “It’s amazing to be able to be here and see you guys. Your music’s done a lot for me, it really has. I’m sure you hear it all the time, but, seriously. I’m excited to see you live tonight.”

“Have you seen any shows before?” Josh questioned. You shook your head ‘no’.

“First time.” You laughed, “It was my Lucky Day to get this too, I suppose.”

“Maybe it was fate.” Josh laughed, and you looked up at him in surprise. His cheeks were rosy as he watched you. His eyes, for a moment, seemed to linger down at the exposed space of your stomach as your crop top rode up before snapping back to your face as you turned to him. The thought made you blush, embarrassed. Did he think your shirt was weird? Was he uncomfortable with your stomach? You tugged at the edges of your shirt slightly, hoping he didn’t notice as you nodded politely.

Mark left the three of you alone, promising to come back when the time was up and for both boys to text him if something came up. Security was right outside the door, giving them time and the boys a safety net in case anything happened. You never would, naturally, but you could imagine how this would have gone if someone with more sinister intentions had gotten in. It seemed to be part of being famous.

Luckily, the three of you grew more comfortable as time went on. Josh led the conversations mostly, asking you about your life and how you found the band. As you talked you relaxed, and that seemed to make Tyler become more open as well. He seemed to be harder to open up than Josh, who was practically holding onto your words and engaging them with questions and small jokes. The jokes bubbled laughter from both of your lips as he did, his phrases sweet but funny as you smiled at him.

It began to grow clear that you and Josh had similar interests. You had expressed your want to learn drums but never had the time with your life. You feared failure and the concept of having to keep so many beats at once with a set overwhelmed you. Josh, eager to prove that it was not hard at all, pulled you to the couch with him so he could teach you basic counting by slapping the coffee table in front of you. You followed his movements and, soon, the both of you were drumming on the wood in sync. The beat wasn’t bad, surely a song you had known from their setlist, as Josh played it with professional ease.

“You’re not bad at all!” Josh complimented as he looked at you from his side, “Maybe you should play a show.”

“Oh god no,” You snorted as you shook your head at him, “In front of that many people? You’re way braver than I am for that, you know?”

“The energy is worth it,” Josh smiled, all teeth, as he looked at you, “But the fire on stage does make it hot.”

‘Yeah you are’ you thought, but bit your lip to prevent the words from falling out on accident.

“Damnit,” Tyler’s voice snapped the both of you out of your conversation. Looking up, you saw the singer running a hand through his hair with a loud groan and a shake of his head. When he looked at you, his face was both anxious and apologetic as he bit his lip.

“The sound mixer is messing up and practically skipping three songs in the setlist,” Tyler complained, frustrated, “I need to go up there and check what they are so I can transfer them from my phone. I’m so sorry, Y/N, it’ll just be a bit. Josh, are you alright here with them?”

“Oh! Yeah, for sure,” Josh nodded, “Go ahead, man, just let me know if you need me out there.”

“I’ll be fine,” Tyler shook his head with a smile, “Just make sure Y/N gets a good lucky day!”

With that he shut the door, leaving you and Josh alone in the green room. Without another to talk with, it felt more…intimate. He felt so close, suddenly, next to you on that couch. Your knees were touching, his skin against yours in his cargo shorts as he kept his hands on the table along with you.

You tried to peek at him from the corner of your eyes. His hair curled around his jawline, fluffy with soft red edges around his neck. Some of his skin was colored too, from where the dye had gotten into his skin and remained there until a few more washes. It must have just been done for the show. You looked down further at his nose, so crooked and long. Lips that bent as he smiled, perfect teeth that you couldn’t help but guess the feeling of on your skin and-.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“No! No no no, sorry!” You flushed red, rubbing the back of your neck, “I didn’t think I was staring for that long is all, my bad.”

“What, at me?” Josh blushed in surprise.

You remained silent, looking away from his gaze by putting your face in your hands and trying not to scream in complete embarrassment. You felt tears reach your eyes, unable to help yourself, as your mind raced through the current situation. You hadn’t hidden your crush well enough. You had looked too long. If you explained yourself he’d call you a creep and call security to escort you out without even being able to say bye to Tyler and to thank Mark. Your words stuck in your throat as you inhaled shakily.

“Woah! Hey, hey, hey.”

Arms were around you, dragging you into a firm side as Josh rubbed his palm along your back. You tensed but allowed his touch to soothe you slightly as he pressed in and out according to your breathing. An effort to not make you hyperventilate. It was welcome as you tried to hold your tears back in and pull your hands from your face, sniffling and coughing as you fought away the attack with his help.

“I’m. Ok. I’m sorry.” You were quiet, afraid of your own voice as you nodded, “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Josh smiled as he pulled his arms from around you, “I know that feeling. Pressure usually helps.”

“…Do you feel scared before you go on stage all the time?” You wondered, genuinely curious as you leaned back on the couch with an exhausted sigh.

Josh thought for a moment.

“I used to be, I think,” He leaned back with you too, “But now, with Tyler and how far we’ve come…It’s just easier to realize that, well, we’re kind of good at what we do. We love the feeling of the crowd. When I hear so many people from so many different angles I do feel nervous, yeah, but…also excited?”

You stared at him as he watched you back, and he licked his lips with a nervous laugh, “Sorry, I have a hard time wording things. It’s why I don’t talk in interviews that much. Tyler knows everything.”

“No! No, it was really helpful, honestly.” You reached out to give him a reassuring squeeze on his knee, just like he did to your shoulders when you panicked, “Thank you, really. Even if Tyler is busy, I’m honored.”

“Even if it’s just me?” Josh grinned playfully, but the words kind of hurt your heart. Did he think of himself as ‘just him’ often? You knew people online loved Tyler. They loved his lyrics and his energy. Many people loved Josh, too but somehow he still thought that?

“Because it’s you,” You emphasized with the most serious expression you could manage against your nerves, “Don’t tell Tyler, but I’ve always been in your lane more.”

He looked surprised, “Really?”

“Of course! Seeing you go out there and do your best despite your anxiety is amazing. Even from the bits you’ve been singing this tour, everyone is so proud of you. I am too. You’re just…Just so.”

You couldn’t stop your eyes from moving downwards just a bit. From his eyes to his lips and then to his chest, which was straining against the fabric of his tank top currently. You tried to swiftly pull them away before you could get caught as you swallowed thickly, “So amazing, is all.”

His cheeks glowed a rosy hue after a few moments, brown eyes wide and all but sparkling under the green room light. He looked so beautiful like this. You couldn’t believe you were in the room with him while he gazed at you with such surprise. You stared at his face, determined to remember every line and imperfection you possibly could. Your hand didn’t move from his knee, squeezing appreciatively as you bit your lip. Once you were sure he noticed you staring for too long, though, you moved your hand from him.

You weren’t expecting his hand to jut out and catch your wrist with a soft ‘wait’ leaving his lips. Freezing up, you stared at him in surprise. He seemed to have surprised himself, too, based on his look. The recovery was quick, though, because Josh cleared his throat and murmured something almost anxiously, “I-I-um. Do you…”

“Do I…?” You furrowed your brow.

“Are you single?” He asked, allowing the words to tumble out before he could second guess them. You blinked once. Twice. You weren’t sure you heard him right.

“Huh?”

“I said um. Uh. Single. Are you?” He seemed to have trouble repeating his phrase. This was likely as embarrassing for him as it was for you and your cheeks felt like they were going to burn your face. Flames licked up to your ears and on the back of your neck as you sat up a little straighter and tried to find the words you were looking for. Anything that could help in this situation as you felt his hand tighten around your wrist hopefully. It sent sparks that led straight to your core as you shook your head.

“I’m uh. Single and ready to mingle.” You laughed at your bad joke, but it was okay because so did he.

“Are you asking…me…out?” You worried you’d be too forward with the assumption. Relief overtook you when he nodded his head in confirmation. You laughed in awe, breathy before nodding in agreement.

“To be fair,” Josh swallowed, as if holding something back, “I’d do…a lot more than just ask you out right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can I show you?”

“Uh,” You blushed, “Sure.”

Then he was leaning forward. Then his lips pressed to yours, tender and testing. You felt your shoulders tense as he held your hand rather than your wrist now, entwining your fingers hesitantly as he did so. You took a moment to register just what was happening before deciding this was just part of the luck you had stumbled upon. Closing your eyes, you let yourself lean into the kiss in an attempt to return it with just as much care as he was offering you.

He smiled against your mouth, happy to have you interacting with him, and then deepened his kiss. He made soft little noises in the back of his throat as he tongued at your lips, parting them to taste the back of your teeth with one long, broad sweep. God, his tongue was so broad. So much different and so, so much more filling in your smaller mouth than you thought possible. You moaned, unable to hold it back as your head spun around the room. Josh’s shoulders tensed and he inhaled sharply through his nose as he registered the sound.

When the both of you pulled away, Josh shuddered. He cast his eye swiftly to the doorway and bit his lip. You followed his gaze carefully, watching as he stood up and hopped over to the entrance. With careful, very slow movements, he did his best to lock the door without alerting the security guards on the other side. He gave you another look, a final wonder of confirmation. Did you want this? Was this okay?

You steeled your courage. This would be your one chance. Sitting up to face him a little more, you leaned back on the couch to shyly spread your legs while biting at your lip. You tried to invite him in with your body language. With the smile on your lips as you dug your fingers into the couch with a shaky sigh. That seemed to do it, at least, because you watched Josh’s eyes grow darker with hunger as he licked his lips without giving it much thought.

He covered the distance in just a few striders, impressive and eager. His lips were on you again as he grabbed your hips, maneuvering the both of you so that you were lying down on the couch and he was hovering over you. The position was a little awkward, given the size of the couch in comparison to the spread of Josh’s legs, but Josh could still kiss you. He could still reach out with one hand and run it along your skin, feeling up the bare expanse that your crop top showed off to him. He moaned as he gave your softer side a squeeze.

His hand covered so much of your body. His grip was calloused in comparison to your softer skin. His fists held the sides of your fat firmly, running fingers over the edges and admiring the softness of your body as he let them wander further up. His tongue pried your mouth open again, unabashed now in the way he was licking and searching. You were helpless to do anything but arch into his touches and offer little moans of appreciation for the things he did well.

He listened to you as his hand touched your chest, feeling the material of your underwear beneath his fingers and moaning into your mouth. When he pulled away, his mouth was wet with drool and desperation. His eyes searched yours, thrilled and needy, and you whimpered at the sight. You reached out, finally letting yourself touch him.

Your hands cupped his cheeks, feeling along his jawline. It tensed a little, but relaxed as you stroked under his chin, hand going around his neck to feel his Adam’s apple bob eagerly. Your fingers lowered further to the edge of his tank top, tracing his collarbone before feeling at the material of it curiously. Without a second to spare, Josh sat up and pulled the shirt over his head. Your breath hitched as you realized the sight that was offered before you, and you swore you got even more wet.

“Holy shit.” You spoke, unable to control the words as Josh laughed breathily. You sat up, inching your own crop top off of your body and throwing it alongside his shirt on the floor. Josh wasted no time in taking both of your breasts into his hand, giving them a firm squeeze. When he was satisfied, he rolled the flesh in his hands, thumbs rubbing over your nipples through the fabric of your bra. You gasped and whined, arching into the feeling until he got the hint and reached behind you.

There was a moment of Josh fumbling with your bra strap, biting his lips and concentration. You giggled and put a hand on his chest, asking him quietly to sit up a bit more. He complied, releasing you in favor of letting you sit up enough to undo your bra, letting it slide down to the floor with your shirt. You blushed as Josh stared at you, his eyes wide and his mouth parted to reveal the pink tip of his tongue sticking out. His chest rose and fell, and your own greedy hands couldn’t be stopped.

Your palm rested on one of his pecs, inhaling as you felt the firmness of it. Josh shuddered under your touch, his voice a soft moan of appreciation as you massaged the flesh, letting your fingers brush along his nipple. He shivered at that, so you did the same to the other and now he whimpered. You smiled, delighted at your findings, before letting your hand drop further down, reveling in the way his abdomen rippled under you. He was solid, just like you had imagined. All hard edges and muscles in the best of ways. You let your hands stop right at the edge of his cargo shorts and your eyes focused on the growing tent that rested between his legs in awe.

“Um,” Josh whispered, trying to keep his breathing even as you touched him, “How far do you want to go?”

You hadn’t thought about that, really. Briefly, you considered the situation, looking at the door and then at the man over you. You bit your lip, considering the time. Considering that Tyler might come back. It hurt because, well, you wanted all of him inside of you. You wanted every inch of that man right there and then. Still, he was a guy you had just met, regardless of how many times you’ve seen his abs on your phone. This was still a public place, and you didn’t want to ruin the day of a staff member for having to clean things off of a couch that wasn’t really necessary.

“Um. It’s a little public,” You admitted with a flush, “But…I’d like to um. We could use our mouths for now?”

His cheeks pinkened again, and he nodded with another lick of his lips.

“Yeah. Yeah. Plenty of time, right?” He laughed as if trying to convince himself.

You smiled at him reassuringly, reaching out to touch his cheek again with your hand. He leaned into it, you weren’t sure if it was subconscious or not, though.

“Yeah.” You reassured him gently, “Maybe after the first date.”

This seemed to perk him up. At least enough so that he grabbed the hem of your own loose pants and began to slide them down slowly from your hips. You allowed him to remove them until they were down to your ankles, your shoes preventing any further removal. There was plenty of room to spread your legs, though, especially as Josh moved himself just enough to go for his own buckles. He pulled his pants open, lowering them along with his boxers. This was it, you realized as your mouth pooled with drool, this was definitely your lucky day.

His cock was hard, springing free and slapping against his firm stomach. You had always imagined it on the larger side, but holy shit was it different to see it up close. As it throbbed it leaked, precum beading fervently at the tip. A strand of it dripped from the head, leaking down in a long, thin strand onto his pants below. You moaned despite yourself, hungry for the sight before you.

With both of you pantless, it was Josh who made the first move. His hands grabbed your hips and spread you apart, maneuvering your body until you sat normally on the couch with himself on his knees in front of you. The coffee table had been shoved a few inches back to give him room, but his big hands on either side of your thighs made goosebumps erupt on your shoulders.

He pulled you so close to his face that his nose bumped your soft clit, making you whimper. Your core clenched around nothing as his warm breath hit you, ghosting over your folds. He chuckled, amused by your sensitivity as you moved one hand to wrap itself in his curly hair. Giving you one last smile, Josh dove forward without any other warning. His broad tongue licked a solid stripe up the expanse of your lips, dipping down inside just at the top and flicking his clit with his tongue.

You threw your head back into the soft couch, sinking back into it as you whimpered and cried out at his ministrations. He tested things first, giving you long licks and then short thrusts to see which ones pulled the best sounds from you. He focused on the way your hand twisted in his hair or the way your hips tried to buck against his strong grip. Eventually, his tongue found a rhythm of things that made you keen under his touch. He alternated between thrusting his tongue languidly inside of you before licking up to your clit and sucking gently. The pressure applied by his lips was heaven, and you cried out his name in shock as he scraped his pearly teeth against your sensitive bud. Your hips bucked hard, your hand tightening in his hair as you gasped out his name. You slapped your hand over your mouth immediately, gaze shooting towards the door in panic.

Josh grinned, pleased with the reaction, before continuing on. This time, however, he let one of your hips go. You were a mess by the time he pushed his middle finger inside of your dripping entrance, his tongue lavishing your clit with attention as he curled the finger inside of you. Your legs tensed, toes curling in your shoes as you arched yourself up and pulled his head closer to your entrance on instinct.

“J-Josh!” You felt so honored as you moaned his name. You worshiped its syllables on your tongue. You couldn’t believe that you were able to say it. You felt him add a second finger now, pumping them both in an earnest rhythm as he sucked on your clit once more, drool spilling from his mouth and down against his fingers, where he used it as more lube to move faster inside of you. You babbled at him around your hand as you covered your mouth, hips rolling on his face. He took your face-fucking like a champ, allowing you to hump at his lips like an animal. His nose bumped your clit as he shifted his tongue down to join his fingers, closing his eyes and moaning into you as he did so.

It was all it took. You barely warned him as you cried out, your stomach clenching and your release coating his chin as you came. Your legs shook at either side of his head, your hand clenching down hard on his hair before releasing it with a quiet whimper. He ate you out through your orgasm, tongue licking up whatever cum he could reach and swallowing it down. When he pulled his mouth away from you, his lips were red and his mouth dribbled with drool and your juices. He smiled wide at you as you looked up at him, dazed and awed by his ability.

“That was…wow.” You gasped, dazed. Josh nuzzled into your neck in response, kissing it. You felt the wetness of your cum stick to your skin, unpleasant but nothing you cared about as you bumped your nose into the side of his head and sighed with a smile, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” He murmured back, “You sounded hot.”

You blushed, swallowing as you pulled away from him. The hardness of his own cock was not unknown to you. You looked down between his legs, seeing it even more flushed than it was earlier. He must have been desperate, and you couldn’t help but pity him as you looked up into his eyes. With a reddening face, you leaned forward and wrapped your hand carefully around his cock. Josh gasped at the touch, and it devolved into a moan.

It throbbed the second you put your fingers around it. His cock was so thick you almost couldn’t get your fingertips around the whole thing. The thought of it stretching you out one day made your core throb and your mouth water. You looked up at him through wet lashes, waiting for his permission as you gave it one slow stroke, memorizing the texture of its velvety skin against your palm. Josh threw his head back and sighed, appreciative of the touch, before looking back with concern.

“You don’t have to do this if you’re too tired.” He offered gently.

“Get on the couch, please.” You whispered in reply, eyes pleading and full of lust.

You didn’t have to tell Josh again. Soon you were on your knees in front of him as he spread his legs out, cock hanging between them as he looked down at you from his seat in awe. You bit your lip as you came face to face with his cock. The scent was musky and hot. As you touched the tip of it curiously, the tacky precum followed your finger. It created a single web of wetness that stretched from his dick to your finger, making you inhale sharply. A hand reached into your hair, grabbing at your skull and waiting patiently for you to continue. “We don’t have a lot of time left, I think,” Josh warned with a murmur, “But I’m not sure I’ll last long, either.”

You nodded, willing to say anything as long as it mean you could suck him off. Leaning forward, you wrapped your hand around the base of his dick and squeezed. It earned you a breathy, wonderful groan that tugged you just a little forward, hand tightening. You heard Josh inhale as you parted your lips to take in the head of his cock, tongue laving over the tip and dipping into the slit to taste the precum leaking. The action made him throb under you, his hips canting but still doing their best to be mindful of you. It was sweet, and you couldn’t help but smile as you put the whole tip of his cock inside of your mouth and sucked.

“Fuck, Y/N.” Josh gasped in awe, watching you suckle at his cock through hazy lashes. You moved your hand up and down his shaft for a few seconds, simply getting yourself used to the velvety texture and scent of musk. A tug from his hand reminded you there was little time, however, so you took a breath. You hadn’t done this before, at least not on a real cock, so your nerves practically shook your legs as you lowered your head down just a bit further.

He wasn’t terribly long, an average at best, but god was he thick. His girth stretched your lips wide, making your jaw ache as you sucked around him. You weren’t able to keep the drool hidden between your lips, having no choice but to let it dribble down his cock. You tried to gather what you could, using it as lube to jack off what your mouth couldn’t fit down on.

You were rewarded with another curse. His hips didn’t control themselves now as he pushed them up, shoving his cock into your mouth needily. You choked a bit, surprised by the thrust, and he pulled away with wide eyes. A flush burned his cheeks as he let you cough and gasp, spit dribbling from your mouth as he rubbed at your head with one hand.

“I’m so sorry,” Josh apologized through lusty gasps, “It’s, um, been a bit, and - I just - fuck you feel so good.”

You blushed, “I…kind of liked it?”

Josh grinned at the admittance, “I can do it again.”

He sounded so eager it was almost as if he was thinking about it. So you nodded and took a breath to steady yourself. When you lowered your head back down and took his dick in your lips this time, you dragged yourself down as far as he had when he thrust up, pushing further still and ignoring the painful burn in your throat as your lungs ached. You breathed a few times through your nose as you swallowed around him.

Moans and babbles echoed over you as Josh’s hand grabbed your head and pushed down, his hips rolling up. You let him this time, holding his thighs with a grip so tight you were sure to leave little nail marks in them for the show. The thought excited you, and you moaned around his cock. This spurred him to push your head down further, rolling his hips into your mouth until your nose touched the happy trail of rough hairs at the base of his dick. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as your mind went fuzzy. Nothing but Josh’s dick mattered anymore, and the moans he made were angelic. Even more than when he sang. You wanted to hear all of them. You wanted to make him feel good, he deserved it.

“Y/N. I-I’m gonna-” Josh tried to breathily warn you, his hand letting up just in case you wanted to pull off of him before he let go. You thought for only a moment, considering what an embarrassment it might be if Tyler saw the dried cum of his bandmate on the couch. Something in you didn’t want a single drop to go to waste. It redoubled your courage as you pulled back a bit to suckle on the tip, letting it slide in and out languidly against your tongue as your hand jacked off the rest of his cock.

It throbbed as he whined. When you licked the underside of his cock head and suckled the tip gently, he lost it. With his head thrown back and his back arched, Josh came with a low grumble. His seed filled your mouth as you drank it from the tip, letting your hand slow down as you milked him of his orgasm. When he slumped back, sweaty and breathy, you pulled off of him with a ‘pop’ and licked your lips, sure to gather any other drool that leaked from you back in. You looked up at Josh, unsure of what to expect.

He smiled down at you, reaching out to stroke your head gently this time with a laugh.

“That was…wow.” He repeated your same words, making you blush as you looked away from him.

The two of you followed up by putting your pants back on and wiping your sweaty foreheads off with nearby towels on the vanity. Josh pulled out two waters from a nearby mini fridge and handed one to you, sitting at your side as the both of you sipped and recovered. You curled yourself into the seat at his side, thinking about the situation. Was he kidding about taking you out? Did he just want to fuck and then leave you like some groupie? You bit your lip to hide your disappointment, but it faltered when you felt a hand wrap around your shoulder and pull. It brought you into a warm side and a nose that nuzzled your head with affection.

“Is this okay?” Josh asked. You nodded gently, unable to speak through your thoughts.

“If you’d like to,” Josh cleared his throat, “We have a day off tomorrow and we plan on spending it in the city before driving up later in the night. We could spend time together then?”

Your eyes lit up in surprise, “You want to?”

“Of course,” Josh smiled, almost embarrassed, “I asked you out, didn’t I?”

So he was serious. The thought made your heart soar. A smile broke on your lips and you were too scared to imagine how red your cheeks must have been as you gave him a nod of confirmation, “There’s a really good southern breakfast place downtown um…Want to have something there first?”

“Sounds great,” Josh rummaged at the coffee table, “Here, put your number in my phone?”

You did, just in time for a loud bang at the door. The both of you were startled, and behind you heard the muffled voice of Tyler, almost amused, call out:

“Can you two get dressed and let me in already? Sound checks in fifteen, Josh!”

You hid your face with a yelp, embarrassed to be caught. Josh laughed, blushing but otherwise didn’t seem too bothered by it. He returned his bandmate's call with a ‘one second’ of his own as he stood up. Looking down at you one more time, he offered you his hand. You took it and stood as well, but not before he asked you:

“Do you want to stay backstage for the show? You can watch from the side, it’ll give you a great view.”

You looked up at the man, so kind and smiling and warm at your face, and your heart fluttered in your chest. You gave a nod of confirmation as you gave up containing the excited smile wanting to spread across your lips.

“I’d love to.”

[sunmovesbehindyou]

Always (joshler)

word count: 5,947

descrip: Tyler has split open Josh’s chest cavity and crawled inside. The way Josh feels about him is becoming unbearable.

warnings: suggestions of suicide, smut if you squint

also: on ao3 @ tylrjsph !! any likes/reblogs are appreciated!! let me know what u think with an ask! feel free to send me a rq to write something as well!!

“Josh,” Tyler calls, the word long and dragged out. They are both at the ripe age of fourteen .

“Yes?” He replies, releasing a soft laugh as he sighs. Refusing to open his eyes, he remains still, basking in the sunlight. Outside of Josh’s house, in the yard, it is a perfect spot to lay down and feel the sun rays. He imagines that he could feel the same if he was in a room surrounded by darkness, only if Tyler was there.

“It’s too quiet,” he complains, rolling over towards him. Despite his closed eyes, he knows he is closer. His arm is pressed against his, and it feels like the strawberry flavored pop-rocks crackling in his mouth as a child.

“Listen to the birds.” Josh suggests, adjusting his arm. Their fingers brush against each other, but neither makes the move to latch onto the other's hand (though, they both think about it).

“No.” Dissatisfied, Tyler shakes his head. “I wanna talk to you.” The warmth that surrounds Josh’s body is a far greater feeling than the one from the sun. Tyler’s voice is but a whisper, the birds chirping around them are almost as loud as he his, despite how close his lips are to Josh’s ear.

“Talk to me, then, Ty.” In agreement, he opens his eyes, his lips involuntarily twitching upwards when he finds Tyler already looking at him.

“It’s just—My dad,” Tyler didn’t continue.

Josh didn’t need an elaboration to know that something bad must’ve happened again. It made sense, now. In the afternoon at lunch, he asked if he could come over after school. Of course, Josh agreed (he would really struggle to ever say no to Tyler).

“I’m sorry.” He meant it. “Do you want to tell me more?” Though he had a feeling he would decline his offer, he still asked. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Not really,” he sighs, and Josh can see that the gears in his brain are working overtime by looking at his eyes. “It’s just been bad, again. Really bad.”

There was only one time in their friendship when Tyler had detailed his relationship with his father, and it left Josh with a newfound hatred for someone he had never met, as well as a newfound urge to protect Tyler in any way he could. Josh was able to mask his true emotions during his brief encounters with Tyler’s father, but the rage that would boil his every blood cell was quite the challenge to ignore. More often than not, Tyler’s father would find a way to belittle him in some way. Usually, it had something to do with Tyler’s scrawny structure, or his queerness (Tyler had cried to Josh about his father’s accusations one time, and yet, he didn’t deny it).

Now, Tyler bit his tongue (Josh had witnessed the aftermath of him learning that skill the hard way), and although he tried his best to remain unbothered, Josh could see the light within his eyes dim each and every second Tyler faced his scrutiny.

After a certain point, Josh discovered that was no use in apologizing. Surely, Tyler knew he was sorry that he was dealt with such cards in his short lifespan of a deck. “Is there anything I can do?”

Shaking his head, his fingers grazed Josh’s once more. “No. You already do enough for me.” He replied honestly. Despite the inappropriateness to feel such a thing in the current situation, Josh couldn’t help but feel a sense of fulfillment and pride. He hoped to always have him feel that way. “I wish we could run away.” Tyler murmurs. A sad smile displays on his face.

“Just us?” The offer sounds too good to be true. In a perfect world, they could. In a perfect world, they would.

“Always.” he responds. “It’s always just us. I don’t want it to be with anyone else.” Josh is even warmer. Now, the sun, his sun, is engulfing him. He does not mind. He will gladly be engulfed. Always, he thinks. “Me too, Ty.” Josh’s eyes close again.

For a moment, he allows himself to fantasize about what it must feel like to only ever be engulfed in Tyler’s presence. It was the closest thing to Heaven on his Earth, he was sure. Does Tyler feel the same? Does Tyler ever want Josh to crack open his chest cavity and heal his heart himself? Josh wants to.

Josh wakes up.

In a daze, he gets ready for the day, trying to mentally prepare himself for the possible obstacle courses the game of life will catapult his way. The preparation never really does anything. It is quite the struggle to give yourself a pep talk when you lack the most important thing necessary: Motivation.

“How do you feel?” Every meeting started the same.

Wednesdays were his session days. Though he considered it pointless, Josh’s mother insisted on it after seeing the emotional, gaping wound he had been left with.

“Good.” Josh’s response is short, curt. He doesn’t have much to say. He’s still waiting. He will always be waiting.

Dr. Rider is staring at him with beady eyes. Josh wants to lean across the table and pluck them out of his cranium. “You’ve been saying that for the last few sessions.” He replies, his voice accusatory.

“Well, it's probably because I've been feeling good for the last few weeks.” With a blank stare, Josh retorts.

It was a blatant lie; there was no doctorate needed to see that. The dark circles under his eyes prove enough. Why Josh feels the need to lie so often when his true feelings always resurface during the sessions, he is unsure.

Disregarding his attitude, Mr. Rider slides over the weekly chart he needs to fill out. “Have you been dreaming about him again?”

I never stopped, is what Josh so badly he wants to reply with. Instead, he just nods. “They’re just…memories. It’s not anything, like, worthwhile.” The words made Josh cringe at himself. Anything involving Tyler was worthwhile.

“Well, if it’s memories that are replaying in your head in your sleep, they are clearly worth something. When we resonate with something, it doesn’t just fade into the voids within our minds. It remains present in all aspects of life, even when we put forth our best efforts to erase it.” For a while, Josh processes this. “What did you dream about?”

“I—” Sighing, he shrugs, looking away. Part of him knows just how correct Dr. Rider is. The other part is battling everything that he is saying. “We were 15.” He utters out, and to be able to remember an insignificant day that happened nearly 4 years ago as if it was yesterday made him wonder how light would ever surface again.

“It’s okay to hurt, Josh.” The words send him into an orbit.

“It’s okay to hurt, Josh.” he whispers, his soft, warm arms engulfing him in embrace.

The hurt was gone. It was no match for Tyler. It doesn’t hurt when you’re here, he almost says, but he doesn’t. Instead, he hugs him back, breathing in his scent. He smells of vanilla and honey and all things warm. It’s the candles my mom lights, Tyler always says.

The scents feel like home, or what used to be of his home when he was young. Maybe he likes it so much because it feels so familiar, like being an unknowing child in the world.

They are both at the ripe age of sixteen.

“I know. But honestly, it’s fine. It’s just an argument. It's nothing in comparison to what you’ve got going on.”

It was only a simple argument, but it was enough for Josh to bike over to Tyler’s house at eleven o’clock at night. Tyler was used to arguments and chaos. He was born into a life of difficulty and he was probably never going to escape it. Perhaps that’s why he favors leaving so often. His lack of structure allows him to escape. Half the time, he didn’t even know where his Mom was. Josh’s lack of structure is repaired by Tyler’s mere presence. Tyler is the rebuilt infrastructure in a crumbling building that is seemingly fine from outside. They mended each other. Josh was Tyler’s only real sense of stability, but even he left that at times. To Josh, Tyler is the stars in his entirely black sky.

“Comparing our struggles doesn't make it any less painful for either of us.” Tyler dismisses. He is so wise. “You know, when I need a distraction, I read.” He mutters, releasing his grip from him to run to his bookshelf.

Josh is familiar with the book—He had seen him read it before. It was by Michael Huemer, titled: Knowledge, Reality, and Value: A Mostly Common Sense Guide to Philosophy.

“What are you reading about now?” Typically, the arguments change every chapter, he’s learned. Each chapter is a new philosophical argument, and while he sort of thinks it’s all bullshit, he can’t help but ask. Tyler can make anything interesting.

“This chapter has been about souls.” he then explains. “So, if it is true that we are all non-composite “simple” things...like, eithim physical or non-physical, then we are all souls. If one was a simple, physical thing, one would be an elementary particle, but that cannot be.”

Josh doesn’t understand, really. He doesn’t tell him. Instead, he listens. “Right.” He agrees. Tyler sits down on his bed, motioning for Josh to join him.

His singular word seemed to encourage him. “We, as humans, as souls, are far more complex than a simple composite thing. So, souls have to exist. It is the only way to distinguish us as people... or, as–as beings. An unarguable fact is that scientists have concluded that every atom in your body gets replaced at least every 5 years–”

“What if I want to argue that?” Josh interrupts, a smile on his lips.

With an eye roll, Tyler shakes his head. “You can’t argue with science.” The slight smile playing on his lips allows Josh to know that there is no ill intent behind his reaction.

“I fear I’m missing the point of philosophy, then.”

Tyler ignores his comment. “When all of your cells are replaced, no one believes that the person has also been completely replaced; No one is arguing that people leave their bodies and become entirely new individuals when a certain number of atoms gets replaced in their body.”

“Well, maybe I’m going to.” Shrugging, Josh leaned closer to Tyler, their shoulders touching.

This time, Tyler lets out a soft laugh, a glint in his eye as he looks over at him. “Would you stop?” Josh smiles. He does stop. “Okay, so, we distinguish ourselves from particles and cells and can determine that there is a clear difference between us as people and souls and composite “simple” things. We as beings cannot be physical simple composites because physical simple composites constantly leave our bodies throughout our existences and get replaced with new ones while we continue to exist as the same person or soul or being.”

Josh was sort of following now. “I’m so glad you’re not a physical simple composite, Ty. I hope you always remain this person and soul and being.” He murmurs.

Tyler’s cheeks redden. He continues. “Let’s make a hypothetical situation to denounce the idea that a part of our body, like a brain, is what makes us our own individual selves. A physical simple composite can be split in half. When a person undergoes a hemispherectomy, half of the person’s brain is removed. After that surgery, most people survive and continue to live, like, a relatively normal life, like as normal as you can with half a brain, I guess…” He pauses, looking into Josh’s eyes with a smile that makes Josh feel lightheaded. “Using that scenario, we determine that our brains are not what makes us our own people. If a brain is removed from the body, let’s call that body person one, then split it into two. Then, each hemisphere is transplanted into two different bodies—why are you staring at me like that?”

Jeeze, was it that obvious? “No reason.” Shrugging, he replies. There was definitely a reason. Tyler gives him a knowing look.

“Anyways. Now, two humans are existing with half of person one’s brain. But, who is person one? If the remaining hemisphere is the one that is determined to be what is left of person one, and both hemispheres would qualify as the remaining half, who is person one? Both halves would be considered person one. And obviously this cannot be true because one person cannot morph into two people.”

“Go on.” Sometimes Tyler went into ridiculous rambles, but this one was actually starting to make sense.

“All of this is to prove that people cannot be categorized into a physical simple composites such as a brain, because people exist, but there are no physical objects (e.g. the brain) that are plausible candidates for being people and people cannot be physical simple composites. So, we have to be souls, right?”

“You’re too smart for me.” He thinks this often. It’s rare he voices it, but this time it felt necessary. Tyler only smiles. It’s the soft kind of smile that can make anyone fall in love with him. The kind of smile that feels like steamy, hot chocolate in ice cold hands after venturing in the cold for too long. The kind of smile that felt like the first drip of morphine into your veins after being in constant pain for days on end. “But I think I understand.” Josh confirms, thinking for a few moments before speaking again. “If we are souls, I’m glad your soul decided to take over this body, and I’m glad my soul decided to take on mine. And I hope my soul is tied to yours, somehow.” The words are spilling out of his lips; he is a leaky faucet.

“We’ll always be tied together.” Each word pierces through Josh’s veins in a delightful way. Tyler said that all cells are replaced every five years, but he is pretty certain he has just rejuvenated him on the spot. Sitting up, he turned to look him in the eyes. “Even if we are apart. Always.”

It was a sign. A sign he did not pick up on.

Josh was too overwhelmed with emotions to think about his looming words. “Even in other lives? Do you believe in that?”

Shrugging, he lays back on the tan colored sheets, stretching his arms over his head. “What, like soulmates?” He nods. “We can save that talk for another day.” he whispers, and Josh relaxes against the bed, too. He doesn’t want to wait another day. He wants to hear his argument now. “Did I go too fast?”

“No. I-I actually understood that one, surprisingly. And I think you have a strong argument.”

“Thanks, Josh. I really tried with that one.” him smile was sincere, different from the other one (not that that wasn’t sincere). This smile felt like the sun burning one’s skin into a tan on a hot summer day, or maybe the snowflake kisses on the first snowfall of the winter season, or maybe the first fresh breath one takes after being surrounded in polluted air for years.

“I can tell.” Josh replies, shuddering as Tyler lowered his arm back down. His fingers brush against Josh’s.

“But, for the record, I do believe in soulmates.” Tyler murmurs, sliding his hand into the gaps of Josh’s fingers. He squeezes his hand, three times.

Josh is sure he knows what this means. He squeezes back. “Me too.” He whispers.

“Josh,” He hears his name, and Josh closes his eyes.

“Josh.” Tyler’s voice is echoing, almost as if he is drifting away further and further. It’s almost like he is at one end of a tunnel and Josh is running towards the opposite end. It almost doesn’t sound like him. It almost sounds like—

“Josh.” Dr. Rider interrupts, and Josh is made painfully aware that he is not with Tyler, nor is he in his room, nor is he lecturing him of his philosophical beliefs. He is met with beady eyes instead of gentle caring ones, and he feels like he is closer to hell than ever before.

“I—”Unable to formulate a proper sentence, he stammers. It was hard to adjust so quickly; his brain was able to paint memories over and over again with such accuracy and attention to detail that it truly felt real. “I thought I—” Again, his words are messy and incoherent (just like his brain).

“We were talking about your graduation next week.” Offering him a moment to regroup, Dr. Rider observes his flustered state.

Josh isn’t sure how his body is able to leave his current state and enter the past as if it is the present, but Dr. Rider says it is dissociation from a traumatic loss. The diagnosis makes things feel too real, so while he pretends like it isn’t real, he pretends that each flashback is. It’s not entirely a lie. The flashbacks are real, of course. They are just that: Flashbacks.

“Right,” Nodding, Josh thinks back to the graduation ceremony set up. There will be an empty seat in the last row. “I keep thinking he’s gonna be there.”

“He’s not coming back, Josh.” Dr. Rider’s tone was soft, non-judgmental. It made Josh angry. In fact, he was borderline seething. If he was only able to see one color at a time, it surely would be red. How could Dr. Rider say such a thing? He didn’t know anything.

“You don’t know that.” Josh argues, and Dr. Rider can tell he has struck a nerve deep within Josh’s being.

“Listen,” Dr. Rider’s voice is stern. Josh glares at him through his stupid glasses. “Statistically speaking, after 48 hours…” He doesn’t finish his words. “There comes a point where you have to start approaching acceptance. I don’t know what happened, but—“

“You don’t know anything.” Snarling, he grabs his backpack, heading for the door.

“Josh, please—” Dr. Rider begins, but Josh is having none of it. For dramatic effect, he slams the door.

That night, he is awoken by Tyler’s rustling. “Come back to sleep.” Wiping his eyes, he watches as he frantically moves around his room to gather his belongings.

He had barely been there for a few hours. In the middle of the night, he came knocking on his door, teary eyed and distraught. Josh didn’t ask. He knew he would tell him when he was ready.

When he stares at him this way, he feels as if he is on the point of Mount Everest. Josh becomes painfully aware of his feelings when Tyler looks at him like this.

“Come back.” He pleads, and Tyler finally listens.

Tyler crawls into his bed, the skin of his arm tingling against his—just like before—like the strawberry flavored pop-rocks crackling in his mouth as a child. Turning his head, his eyes pierce into Josh’s dark ones. All at once, it is intimidating and enticing. Without further warning, he slings his arm over his torso, sending the pop-rocks all over his body. The rocks pop even stronger as he moves closer, burrowing his head in the nape of Josh’s neck. For a moment, he tenses, totally unprepared for such close contact.

His skin is on fire. Tyler’s touch drenches him in gasoline, his own thoughts setting him ablaze. Hesitation is painful. Quickly, he wraps his arm around his body, his grip strong. It’s a silent way of saying, I’m here.

Spotting his free hand, Tyler grasps it, intertwining their fingers slowly. Keeping their embrace rested on Josh’s chest, he takes quiet breaths.

“You make me believe in soulmates.” Tyler utters out, and Josh feels his chest cave. It’s as if Tyler is a surgeon who’s just bisected his sternum. His heart was completely accessible now, and Tyler was about to grab it.

“I do?” It’s a weak reply. He cannot think straight.

“Yes.” Tyler nods, slowly. Pushing himself upwards, he curves his body towards Josh. His upper half hovers Josh. His face is so close to Josh's, his breath fanning his face. The tension between them is so thick, it’s unbreathable.

Tyler’s fingers are now burrowing into his open wound, scratching his pericardium and grazing his arteries. Josh lets him. Tyler can do whatever wants.

Josh’s heart stills as Tyler slides his leg atop Josh’s, he’s straddling him. Josh is going to die. His hand flies to Tyler’s thigh, and it makes Tyler’s breath hitch.

“Tyler,” Josh warns, and there is an unreadable look in Tyler’s eyes. He is still so close. Tyler’s hand cradles Josh’s face, his fingers soft as he caresses the skin. His eyes are focused on Josh’s, he looks so certain and so unsure at the same time.

It’s unbearable. Josh mends the gap between them, swallowing the gasp Tyler lets out as he moves his lips against him. Their chests crash together and Tyler falls forward. Josh’s chest is heaving as Tyler pulls back to breathe.

“I hope it’s us in every life.” Josh whispers, and Tyler nods quickly.

“It has to be.” He breathes out, and he’s pressing his lips back to Josh’s again.

Josh feels like he is on fire. Tyler's mouth is so warm, it feels so perfect against his own. He didn’t know that things could feel this way. The grip he has on Tyler’s thigh tightens, and Tyler moves forward on Josh’s leg. Tyler is poking at Josh’s leg. He grips him tighter.

As Josh’s teeth scrape Tyler’s bottom lip, he lets out a soft whimper. Pulling back, Josh looks at him, studying Tyler’s flushed cheeks.

“God, I’m—” Tyler laughs, and through the moonlight Josh can see how his cheeks grow even darker. “I’m so hard.” He giggles, and Josh lets out a laugh too.

“Yeah, I—I wasn’t gonna say anything,” Josh had felt his hard-on pressed against his leg, but he chose to ignore it.

“You’re not?” Boldy, Tyler reaches down to feel Josh’s semi hard-on. The action makes Josh gasp, and he’s practically fully hard now. “Oh,” Tyler whispers, teasingly, making no effort to move his hand. This side of Tyler is completely new. Josh didn’t know it existed.

He refuses to let Tyler think he’s flustered anymore than he is, he wants to reverse the roles. Josh pushes forward, causing Tyler to topple backwards as their lips crash together. Rolling his hips, Josh smiles against Tyler’s lips as Tyler whimpers.

“Oh,” Josh teases, and Tyler’s laugh is so cute that Josh has to kiss him again.

“I’ve never—I don’t know what I’m doing.” Tyler warns, and Josh smiles softly.

“You think I do?” Josh retorts, his hand sliding under Tyler’s shirt. The skin is warm, the touch makes Tyler shiver.

All smiles, Tyler reveals his crooked teeth. Josh can’t help but run his thumb across them. He’s so cute, he’s so beautiful. If he could get himself to get up, he would turn on one of the lights in his room to see his skin illuminated, to see every single muscle in his face contort as Josh did as he pleased.

“Maybe not.” Tyler backtracks, his hand reaching out to run his hands through Josh’s hair. “Josh,” His voice cracks, and Josh pulls back a little further to look him in the eyes. He hums. “I’m really glad that your soul found mine.” Tyler whispers, shuddering as Josh leaned down to press a kiss to his jawbone.

“Me too, Tyler. You’re my only reason.” Josh didn’t elaborate. Tyler didn’t need him to.

That night, their souls become one. Tyler is shaking and trembling when they’re finished, and he finally understands what love feels like. Josh feels fully swallowed by the sun; he is sure his life will never get better; he is sure Tyler is the light of his life and will be this forever.

He says this to Dr. Rider.

His therapist sighs. “When you develop the mentality that nothing will get better, you will cease the possible progress you can make.”

For a moment, Josh considers this. He considers what Tyler would think of him in this current state, and he wonders if he would be disappointed or shocked. “I just feel like there is my life with him, and then this place that I’ve been stuck in after him.” Josh words this carefully. He doesn’t feel like there is life after Tyler, so he doesn’t say life.

“Josh.” Dr. Rider sighs. “You have to find meaning in your life without him.”

“I’ve tried.” His voice shakes. There is nothing without Tyler. How does the world go on after it's been stripped from each ray, how do the animals survive, how do the people breathe, how do the plants flourish…

Josh wants to say he is overdramatic. He wants to say it’s not as serious as he’s making it out to be, that it’s going to be fine. But he can’t. He doesn't feel dramatic. He doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay.

“Grief affects us in unexpected ways.” Dr. Rider begins, and Josh flinches at the words.

“Please—” He begs, he can’t take it. He won’t accept it. “Not grief.”

“Okay, Josh.” He treads lightly. The fragile timbre in his voice is a signal that he’s not quite ready to come to terms with everything yet. “Would you like to tell me about the dreams—the memories,” He corrects himself. “you’re having?”

Talking about it feels so painful. “I-I wish I could remember it all.” He hates himself as the days go on and he forgets more details. Tyler’s face is starting to get blurry. “I wish I could tell you everything.” Josh says, and he’s suddenly lying in bed with Tyler’s head on his chest.

“I wish I could tell you everything.” Tyler confesses, and Josh looks down at him as if he could see his face. The vibrato in his voice makes Josh’s neck tickle, and a slight smile makes way onto his face.

“Why can’t you?” He whispers, allowing his fingertips to gently caress him back. Goosebumps arise on his skin, but Josh cannot feel them through the shirt covering his body.

Tyler doesn’t answer. Instead, he squeezes his hand three times again.

Three times.

Josh is still hoping for a reply as he pulls away from him completely, opting to sit up instead. “I’m going again.”

His body runs cold for multiple reasons. He sighs. Blood, now combined with pain, courses through each vein in his being. Maybe he was delusional to think that things would change after the last few weeks. “You’re always going, Tyler,” It bothered him. He could never stay stagnant.

Since he had turned 17, he would abruptly leave for days with little to no notice; It was easy for him to go when the only person truly in his corner was Josh. He supposed it had to do with gaining some control, or feeling like he was in charge of his own life, or something along those lines. He would often leave on the weekends and return in the early hours of Monday morning so he wouldn't miss school. He usually told Josh while he was going (he was driving his dad’s car upstate, taking the train to one of the big cities, etc.), but he didn't ask, so he didn't tell.

Standing up again, he murmured, “I know.” The lack of effort in his reply upset Josh.

“For how long?” Now, he was sitting up, staring at his movements in the dark. He wasn’t sure how he could even see with the lack of light, how he was able to get his things in the first place, but he thought it might be because his eyes were still adjusting from being woken up. When he was met with silence, his heart started to race. “Tyler, how long?” He repeated.

“A few days.” he shrugs, seemingly unsure.

Days. Josh’s birthday is in two days. It is sort of a big deal, and it is an even bigger deal to miss. Birthdays aren't super special to him, but Tyler willingly (and seemingly carelessly) missing his birthday made each bone in his body throb in agony. He thinks of the intimate moment they just shared, and his mind is stranded. Three times. What did that mean? What was he trying to say? Josh knew before, but now is not so sure.

Josh wants to beg him to stay. In a perfect world, he would never have to ask him to stay. Simply, he would just never leave.

“You’re going to miss my birthday.”

The words make him freeze. Looking up, it is clear that realization dawns upon him. It is clear he forgot. That was unlike him. Something had to be on his mind. The pause only lasts a few moments before he returns to packing his things. “I’m sorry, Josh.” he whispers, and the sound of a bag zipping up indicates to him that he is still leaving. Carefully, he leaves his hoodie. Josh does not realize it until a few days later, and he is left to wonder why he has done so.

Josh’s heart is throbbing in Tyler’s grasp. He wonders if he can feel the rapid pumps, if he even cares how fast, how hard it’s working. Tyler's grip is tight, fingers tangled between his pulmonary veins and both vena cavas.

As his footsteps get closer, his chest feels heavy. “Please, Ty.” He begs, staring at his shadowed figure. “Just this once. Stay.”

Tyler pauses. It seems that he is genuinely considering this. Josh feels false hope.

If Josh could make any changes in his life, he would’ve asked him what was wrong.

He didn’t.

“I can’t.” He replies, and Tyler’s warm skin is touching his cold skin, his scent invading his senses one more. The embrace is not nearly long enough. He pulls back, and a wave of dread washes over him.

“Talk to me. You want to tell me everything. Please, Ty. Tell me. Tell me and I’ll listen to every word,” He knew he shouldn’t beg, but he couldn’t help it. Grasping his hand, he squeezed it. “I’ll listen, and—and I’ll never forget. Just, stay. For me.”

“I know you won’t.” Bitterness coats Tyler’s laugh.

“I’ll go with you.” Josh is desperate. Tyler stares at him in fear. He doesn’t want Josh to see what’s about to unfold. He needed one last night with him, one more goodbye. This was it.

Abruptly, Tyler kisses him. The usual goodness is clouded by the inevitable goodbye. Josh doesn’t like this. It feels different, but Tyler is good at distracting him. He kisses him until his lips are raw and swollen, until they’re both barely able to breathe for air.

“Remember what I said, okay?”

Now, Josh’s words are rushed, he feels panicked. “What?” The marathon in his chest was giving him nausea.

“Even if we are apart. Always.” he closes the door before he can reply.

Another regret: Josh spends a few seconds too long deciphering what that meant and doesn’t get to stop Tyler from leaving.

Tyler has fully grasped his heart now, severing the ties between his nerves and veins. His aorta is mangled, half still in his chest and half still in Tyler’s hand as he escapes down the stairs. Josh is bleeding out all over his floor.

He wakes up. Irregular breathing, hair matted to his sweaty head, throbbing heartbeat. Each rising morning is a newfound excruciating kind of pain. Some days, he would pretend that all of it was a lie and that Tyler was coming back. Othim days, he would pretend like he never truly existed. It made it more livable.

For two months after his disappearance, he was barely a functioning individual. How he was able to function with a gaping hole in his chest cavity, he didn’t know. Even now, he still felt like he was barely living. Even to do that felt hard. The idea of being with someone almost every day for so long, for so many months and months, and to have them suddenly disappear. He did not understand. He did not understand how Tyler could touch him and feel him and say the things he said to him and just leave suddenly.

Josh’s senior year was filled with therapy sessions and concerned whispers in the hallway. Some days, he could get away with not thinking about him. Albeit rare, those were the best ones. They were the most pain-free and the most bearable.

Other days, he was in everything. He was the music playing through his headphones, the enticing main character laughing on the TV, the vanilla-sugar candles at the store. He is the voice he hears in his head as he re-reads Michael Huemer over and over again.

Time is a wound healer, according to Dr. Rider. Josh wonders if it is true, or if it only applies to wounds that are physical. Josh does not feel healed by any means. In contrast, Josh feels haunted. Josh feels extremely lost. The dissociations have not ceased.

Yet, it has been eight months.

Eight months having days morph into weeks, and weeks morphing into months. Eight months of being left in the dark, because Tyler truly was his light. Eight months, and Josh is still drowning underneath the surface. Eight months, and now it is June. Eight months, and he is graduating tomorrow, without Tyler by his side. Eight months, and yet, Tyler is still hime. The wound he has left remains: Thus, so does he.

Even if we are apart, he thinks, and oddly, the words still comfort him. He isn’t sure why, and he isn’t sure if he will ever see Tyler again, but he is sure that he will remember that for the remainder of his life. He is also sure that the three times he squeezed his hand will haunt him, too.

He wonders if Tyler still believes in soulmates, if he is around to still believe in anything. To be fair, he wonders a lot of things. Many of life’s questions will remain unanswered, he’s decided.

All he knows is that some people are the sunlight in the darkness, and some people can become the darkness that engulfs said sunlight. He still hopes his sunlight will come back to him. There is no amount of candles or light bulbs or electricity that can replicate the sunlight that has been stolen from his earth. Josh feels as if he is trapped in a house fire, tied down by ropes, restricting his every move as he struggles relentlessly. The heat is slowly melting his skin away.

Ty…how fitting of a name.

He imagines how one might feel to be swallowed by a blackhole, and still thinks it can’t be as bad. He imagines the feeling of Tyler coming back, cracking open his ribs again and placing his heart back inside. He hopes he would press a kiss to each stitch he would have to make to repair every broken part within him. He imagines how Tyler would be by his side right now, reading out what should’ve been his graduation speech and asking for his advice. He imagines his warm skin against his, his nervous smile, and his calculated words. He imagines him asking him if they would still be this way, this close, after graduation.

Always, he would say.

[sirens-wont-wake-me-up]

For the fic request, joshler praise kink with josh getting praised while he's getting fucked for the first time, thank you!!

will do it, i guess i can get it done by early august