#the library closes early saturdays so thats out

[savethepinecones]

giving the roomies the house to themselves later today because d is getting back from a weeklong trip but i have nothing to do while im out

[mccall-me-maurice]

A new list of headcanons for the updated AU

Lotf headcanons

Jack:

Jack is Ralph’s academic rival and also head of the debate team. He spends the weekends at his father’s business, learning how to run the company. On the Saturday nights, he goes to an underground club in a fight ring thing. Nobody knows he does it, even though Ralph also spends time there.

Jack is dyslexic and has minor and manageable OCD, denying using extra help for his dyslexia in classes.

Comes from a wealthy family with 6 siblings, his father divorcing his mother and marrying his step-mother who he pushes away because he’s angsty and shes “not his real mother.”

Loves 80s music so much, he’s a nerd for it.

Sings in the shower/bathroom like into a hairbrush in front of the mirror in his little towel like a nerd but he’s actually really good at singing.

Wears his uniform extremely sharply and very crisp like why so much effort.

He has hearing loss due to an accident in his childhood and he’s fluent in ASL, but doesn’t wear his hearing aids almost ever.

Ralph:

Ralph is fluent in violin, he’s actually really good at playing, he was also an ocean lifeguard and saved Jack’s life when he got caught in a current.

He wears thick framed glasses to read and has really swoopy handwriting thats illegible because it’s like messy calligraphy.

Ralph dives as a hobby and is so good at it, like scary good at diving perfectly.

He has beauty marks on his face that he lets people trace sometimes, ink usually adorning his cheeks.

Very French, extremely French. Fluent in the language.

Draws on his hands with different coloured pens and the designs are always so intricate like a mandala colouring book.

Also draws on the cuffs of his jeans and the rubber edge of his sneakers all the time.

Blushes very easily, will go red in a matter of seconds flat either when he’s flustered, embarrassed or angry.

Brothers with Robert.

Simon:

Spends all of his out of school time in his mother’s flower shop and can recite the meaning of most flowers if you ask him. His fingers are all bandaged up because of how much he cuts himself with knives when he’s removing stems or clippers.

He has epilepsy and faints frequently.

Is a fan of older musicals, like Grease, Dirty Dancing and Hairspray and makes the choir watch them with him.

Rarely spends time indoors, Simon is usually out biking around the neighbourhood or walking around with his friends from school.

Will paint rocks and gift them to people when he thinks they’re upset. Also does face painting at the school carnivals, because he never minds being alone in a booth when there is nobody there.

Speaks softly and is usually ignored in favour of people with louder opinions, but he’s usually right.

Roger:

His biological family died in a house accident, the only thing surviving being him and his cat Nastya, who he loves more than anything. Because of his parents death, he taught himself the rest of the Russian language, which they were already teaching him along with English. However, his heritage is East Asian and Russian.

He pierced his lip by himself, and even though it turned out fine, he got his ears done professionally.

Not very affectionate and will push people away, distancing himself because he doesn’t like the idea of anyone being close to him and get under his skin.

Dyed the back part of his hair on a whim and just liked it enough to keep it as a style.

Spends nights at Simon’s place instead of his own, finding more comfort in Simon’s house.

Sam:

Comes from a German family, but knows German, Italian and English.

He hates birthdays because he doesn’t understand why they are so important.

Hates social interactions and actively avoids them with a passion. He gets extremely nervous and just leaves abruptly when he gets too overwhelmed.

Younger than Eric by 6 minutes, which he routinely gets teased for.

Into super cheesy romantic movies because he loves the idea of a happy ending despite not having one himself.

Messes with his hair when he’s anxious, so it’s constantly messy and mussed.

Mega nail biter when he’s nervous.

Cousins with Jack.

Maurice:

Heavily touch reliant and when his friends don’t show him physical affection, he assumes the worst and gets very upset.

Heavily Italian, like so fucking Italian. His family hardly speaks English and he learned most of his from school.

Very passionate about science despite most people thinking he’s an idiot. He has some of the highest marks in his class.

Messes with things when he’s talking or uses hand gestures. Like if there’s a pen, he’s clicking it because it helps him concentrate.

Maurice has like a billion flannels and hoodies he just cycles through and it looks like he doesn’t change but no, it’s just that he owns a gazillion grey hoodies

His older sister when to an Ivy League school, so he owns a lot of stuff from it that he wears like sweaters or ball caps.

Eric:

Very sarcastic. his entire sense of humour is him bathing in his own sarcasm. It’s actually pretty well timed and kind of funny how he’s able to deadpan his jokes.

Very easily picks up on languages. He’s fluent or close to fluent in German, English, Italian, French, Spanish, Japanese and partly fluent in Korean.

Really enjoys computer science and plans on doing it for a living. He stays up late at night to work and sleeps until like midday.

Doesn’t acknowledge other people’s emotions very often because he doesn’t realise when he’s gone too far, but still feels bad for others when they’re hurt.

Jack’s favourite cousin because they’re cynical buddies. Jack is overly protective of him even though Eric is perfectly capable.

Robert:

Brothers with Ralph and is very protective over him. Has absolutely slandered choir members before for hating on Ralph.

Shares a dad with Ralph but has a different mom, who he visits over the summer and sometimes during the holidays. That’s where he gets his Spanish roots from, which is a language he’s fluent in. He has 7 siblings on that side of his family.

Adores burnt popcorn and burnt anything. If he can burn it, he will.

Works as a mechanic in his free time and built the car he shares with Ralph.

Sci-Fi nerd, specifically Star Wars. He loves the movies and watches them like every day.

Extremely talented artist, Robert sketches anytime he has a pencil and paper.

Peter:

Was bullied in the past but doesn’t let the words bother him anymore. It mostly stopped around high school.

Works with his auntie in the sweet shop and brings his friends food for them to taste test.

Used to be a boy scout, so he can tie any knot you want him to, it’s really a gift.

Gets very cold very easily, especially his fingertips. He usually has a pair of gloves on him for when it gets really bad.

A Mathlete for most of his time in high school, obviously is extremely intelligent.

Double knots his shoelaces so they’re extra secure.

Bill:

Swedish, and really enjoys his own culture. He will spend HOURS rambling about it and how much he loves it.

Watches Avatar the Last Airbender and has the biggest crushes on Sokka and Zuko.

Also is a sucker for people who wear glasses, he really loves them.

Works at the library despite not liking books, he finds comfort in shelving them and the order they go in.

Puts little umbrellas in every single drink he has, it doesn’t matter what it is.

Writes notes to himself on sticky notes because his memory is horrible.

Sets at least 5 alarms because 1 will not wake him up by itself.

Harold:

Can speak limited Spanish due to his schooling.

Likes singing, but never really got into it like some choir members because he has stage fright.

Powerful speaker when he wants to be, but is usually too nervous to say anything.

Has no idea how to tie a tie, so he lets other people do it for him.

Sometimes take sarcastic comments seriously and ends up confused.

A really good actor and loves the performing arts.

Has extremely clear skin, he never gets any blemishes.

Wilfred:

Dyed his hair because his naturally brown hair reminds him too much of his father, who he hates.

Has 4 tattoos in total, the 4 card suits on his cheek, a half sleeve of roses, a bow and olive branch on his inner forearm, and the solar system on his outer forearm.

Very flirtatious to people he doesn’t really like but gets nervous around those he does.

Hold grudges really well.

Has shockingly neat handwriting.

Has a pretty horrible home life but he never talks about it to anyone because he doesn’t want to be perceived as weak or incapable.

Colours with only crayons.

Percival:

Cries easily, as he’s very emotionally driven and is typically teased for being a crybaby or told to “toughen up.”

Absolutely has the worst sleep schedule ever, he gets 3 hours and calls it a win.

Can’t sleep without a nightlight on in his room.

Enjoys writing things down in this notebook instead of on his phone because he likes the feeling of physically using pen and paper.

Sends letters to people all the time instead of messaging.

Good at sewing, he makes his own Halloween costume every year by himself.

Hates horror movies because he’s spooked easily.

Max:

Lived through a house fire when he was younger, so he has burn scars all over his arms.

Is afraid of cooking due to the fire and will go without eating if he has to touch the stove to make food.

Laid back most of the time, but can reach a snapping point in which the emotion is amplified. (like sadness or anger)

Loves swimming, it doesn’t matter where he does it, he just loves to swim.

Is very time sensitive and has to get places early or directly on time or else he gets anxious.

A very fast reader, typically long books take him 2-3 days to get through.

Johnny:

Worries a lot, he usually sees the worst in every single situation.

Is a trans male (Ftm) and was accepted by his entire family when he came out.

Owns a St. Bernard named Dolly who is the sweetest dog ever.

Spends a lot of time outdoors, he still plays as if he is a child.

Also enjoys the snow a lot because he’s fond of building snowmen with the kids on his street.

Has very sensitive skin and eczema, which he doesn’t like to talk about or show anyone because it makes him feel insecure.

Oddly good at playing guitar, he just picks up on chords with ease.

Walter:

Good at playing the drums and annoys his entire family with it.

Uses a skateboard as his main method of transportation around places.

On the basketball team, as his older brother taught him to play when they were both younger.

Hates roller skating despite being very good at most things on wheels. He can never find his balance.

Shockingly good at Math, especially statistics and calculus. He’s in all advanced math courses.

Has a very weird snake addiction and he desperately wants to buy one.

Henry:

Aromantic Asexual who is best friends with Harold and Wilfred.

Mainly makes snippy remarks because his humour falls into the sarcasm umbrella.

Adores comic books and superheroes, specifically Marvel ones because he’s a fan of Dare Devil.

Plays baseball in his free time but hasn’t joined a team, he just plays with the boys in his neighbourhood.

Addicted to the High School Musical movies.

Good at painting people’s nails and will do it for them if they ask.

Has really fluffy hair that he lets people touch and play with.

[birdsandspades]

I Was Never Really Good at Waiting (Sugawara X Reader) Chapter 7

- It was your last year in highschool, everything had been going smoothly until you got assigned the new teacher. Sugawara Koushi was handsome, maybe too handsome for his own good. Be he wasn't flirting with you right, teachers shouldn't do that....I guess we will see where this year goes.

Word Count - 5,311

----

“Ok, so I just pulled the cakes out of the oven, what next?” You had the phone pressed between your cheek and shoulder as you carefully flipped the cakes upside down onto the cooling rack. 

“Now, did you make the cream already?” Oikawa’s voice sounded far away, somewhere amongst the rest of his teammates. 

You had called him during practice, desperate for his mother's strawberry cake recipe. She had made it a long time ago, a special treat for all the times you sat with Oikawa late at practice. Even after all these years you still remembered the taste. Tart strawberries, rich crème fraîche, soft sponge cake, light whipped cream. She had a way of making it taste like so much more than just a cake. You craved it sometimes, late at night as you watched the car lights ghost over your bedroom ceiling. Craved the memories too, when your parents had been home more. When Oikawa was still in highschool, just a simple bus ride away. When boys weren't a problem, especially confusing boys who teach your homeroom class. 

Yes, and I cut the strawberries…” You were now grabbing the multiple bowls of already prepped ingredients out of the fridge, kicking the door closed before setting them down on the kitchen island. “And the syrup is cooled down now as well.” You shifted the phone to your other ear as you looked through the cabinets for a cooking brush.

 A loud smack sounded from the other side of the phone. “Nice kill Oikawa!” What sounded like high fives echoed, a chorus of praise for their star player.  

“Ok, so once the cakes are cooled, cut them like you usually do. Brush a good amount of syrup on them before you spread the crème fraîche, and space the strawberries throughout it. Follow with the whipped cream on top and that should be it.” He had committed the recipe to memory, having made it with his mother at least a hundred times. 

“Thats simple enough, but what about all the chocolate you made me buy?” You picked up the unopened bar.

“Oh that's for me, that new horror movie came out last week! Let's rent it and have a sleepover F/N-chan.” You could hear him take you off speaker phone, waiting for your answer.

“Goodbye Tooru.” You chuckled as you hung up the phone. “That jerk made me buy the expensive stuff too.”

----

It was now Monday morning, the weekend passing by at an excruciating slow pace. The cake sat atop your counter for what seemed like an eternity. You had woken up early for school, wanting to make it before Sugawara did. An hour early would have sufficed, but your body decided on two. The sky was still dark when you left your house, cake in tow. Most people would think the station would be empty this early in the morning. But it had never been busier. You thought falling asleep last night was hard, but getting the cake to school in one piece may be your most daunting task yet. But after three ‘’almost drops’’, two grubby hands, and one very pushy man. You had finally managed to get the cake to the front gates of the school, all missteps avoided. 

Sneaking into his office you turned on the lights, completely empty. “ Ok so I'll leave the cake here ,and this note. He should be so overjoyed by this cake that he’ll forget about even wanting to talk to me in the first place.” It was foolproof. You set the cake on the desk, repositioning it a few times. It had to be perfect to work, and god you wanted it to work. Once pleased with the placement you turned off the light, closing the office door behind you. 

You spent the extra hour before school in the library, tucked away in the political section at the back of the room. The secluded table was the perfect place to catch up on some sleep. Sending a text to Yua to wake you up when she got to school, you laid your head down on a pile of textbooks. Drifting off as the librarians set up for the morning.

You were jolted awake, looking around the partially empty rows of bookshelves. A small snicker above you turned your attention towards the ceiling, Yua stood above you on the table. She bit her lip, trying to stop the laugh that threatened to escape. Stepping down from the table, she bent over to pick up the textbook she had just dropped. 

“I’m sorry F/n-chan, but it was so tempting.” Hiroto laughed, his hand on your back.

A librarian peaked their head around the corner of the geography section, scowling your way. She raised a long finger to her lips, shushing you and your friends harshly before disappearing behind the bookshelf. 

“I’ll remember that next time.” You picked up your bag, swinging it at Yua as you placed it on the table. 

“Really F/N-chan, you should have seen your face!” Yua’s laugh grew loud, holding her sides as she leaned against the table.

You mocked her laugh, zipping your bag closed. “Come on, let's go to class before Yua makes another librarian mad.” You gave Yua a light push, rolling your eyes at her sorry attempts at an apology. 

----

The office door was ajar as you made your way to your seat, eyes locked on the light that leaked out the open space. “Any minute now, he’s gonna walk out of that office with a smile on his face, and i’ll be totally off the hook.” The bell rang and everyone quieted down for the lesson to begin. The light behind the door turned off as Sugawara walked out. He held a fresh cup of coffee in one hand, steam trailing off the brim as he made his way to the front of the room.

“Good morning class, I hope you had a good weekend.” He gave the students a gentle smile as he picked up a stack of papers. He looked your way, his grip tightening on the handle of the cup. “L/N-san, the attendance please.” His mouth twitched as he tried to hold his smile. 

“Maybe he didn’t see the cake yet, yeah that's why he's giving you that look.” You made your way to his desk, reaching over to take the papers from his hand. You pulled, but they wouldn’t budge. Looking up, you tried to meet him with a smile, wavering when your eyes met his. 

He tightened his grip watching you struggle to pull the papers from his hands. 

You glared up at him now, tugging again. Sugawara let go suddenly, smirking as you stumbled backwards slightly. You turned your back to him, taking a step away from the desk as he loomed over your shoulder as you took the morning attendance.

You quickly set the attendance on his desk before walking to your assigned seat, not daring to look back at him again. For the rest of the class you continued this, even refusing your college counciling for the day. Before long the class ended and he packed up his things to leave. 

“If I just avoid him, forever, maybe he will forget about it...”, and that was just what you planned on doing. You had packed up your bag early into your third period, hoping to make it to the door before he came into the room for the lunch period. 

You watched as the minutes ticked by, edging closer to the end of your seat. When the bell rang you were up in a matter of seconds, pushing your way into the middle of the group of students walking out the door. Your foot was about to cross the threshold when something firm tugged on your bags strap, pulling you back.

You looked up at Sugawara, his hand was firmly around your strap as he waved goodbye to the students. 

“Have a good lunch, i’ll see you soon!” He smiled, pulling you closer as you tried to wiggle free. 

“Are you coming F/N-chan?” Hiroto smiled weakly as he looked between you and your teacher. 

“I’m going to borrow L/N-san for the lunch period so we can look over some college exam prep.” His smile was gentle, sickeningly sweet.

“OK, we'll see you after lunch...” Your friends waved you a slightly confused goodbye, looked back at you as they made their way down the hallway. 

Sugawara slid the classroom door close before turning to you. “It sure was weird to see a cake on my desk this morning, did you make it?” He walked you over to a desk, nodding for you to sit down. He sat down on the top, peering down at you with that same offputting smile.

“Yeah, you asked me to make you one, so I did.” You smiled innocently at him, praying for a break.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with Saturday would it?” He tilted his head to the side with an amused look. 

“Of course not!” You awkwardly chuckled as you waved off the notion.

“Because it kind of seemed like a bribe…” He stood up, boxing you into your seat.

“Why would you say that sensei?” You were looking at the ground now, burning the braided seams of his black leather shoes into your mind. 

“Because it had a note that said “Sorry, sad face”, you really wrote “Sorry, sad face“.” He signed, shaking his head. He knew it was an honest attempt at an apology note, at least from you.

 “I was pretty sure it was gonna work too.” You laughed at the disappointed look on his face.

He sighed, walking to his office. 

You followed behind, timid steps as you peaked inside. He was already sat down on the couch, ready for the talk he had promised you.

He motioned for you to sit down next to him.

You took the seat, uncomfortably sinking into the cushion. 

“I’m not going to tell anyone about Saturday L/N-san.” Sugawara leaned forward, meeting your nervous stare. 

Your mouth dropped open, but before you could speak Sugawara placed a finger to your lips. 

“If you let me come to your next concert to meet your band members. I don’t really feel safe knowing you're out with a bunch of older guys, playing in bars, dressed like that.” His mind trailed off as his cheeks heated up. “I just want to make sure you're safe, and if you are, I won’t say anything.” He looked at you sincerely before taking your hand in his. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you. I would hate myself if I let you continue doing this and you ended up not coming home, or worse.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “Just do it for me, please.” 

You looked down at your hand in his, his thumb pressing softly into your knuckle as he squeezed it. You liked the warmth, but it wasn’t enough. You leaned over, resting your forehead against his chest.

His breath hitched as he looked down at you pressed against him.

You waited a moment before reaching up, circling your arms around his frame. You pulled yourself closer, your cheek now flush against his chest. 

His own hands hovering over you, retracting as he brushed over your hair. He inched forward again, letting his palms graze your sweater before wrapping his arms around you. He was reaching his limits with you.

Sugawara was warm, the white cotton button up he wore soaking up his scent. It was clean and sharp. Images of freshly washed linens, hung up to dry on a wire outside on a breezy day. Early morning hikes through the forest during a spring shower, and walking barefoot through fields of white flowers and tall green grass crossed your mind as you took it in. The warmth he emitted was comparable to a hot shower after a long day, it enveloped you, sunk into your skin. His hold was firm, molding to you as you relaxed into his chest. 

He laid his head softly atop of yours, closing his eyes. You stayed like this for a while, no one wanting to be the first to let go. Running his hand down your back, he reluctantly pulled away. 

You could feel tears threatening your eyes as you looked up at Sugawara. The first few cascaded down your cheeks, dropping onto your white knuckles. In each fist was a section of your sweater, your fingers kneading into the plush fabric as you chewed at your lip.

“F/N, why are you crying?” Sugawara cooed, tilting his head. 

You shook your own, trying to hide your sorry state from his prying eyes. 

Soft hands cupped either side of your face, tilting your gaze up to him. “What's wrong, did I say something to upset you?” 

You shook your head again, “No sensei. It’s just nice hearing those words come from you.” 

“That I worry about you?” He gave you an amused smile, his head tilted in confusion. You nodded as he wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. “Well, you are an absolute mess. It's hard not too.” He leaned in slightly, his sweet tone masking the teasing words. 

“Sensei, you're so rude.” You shakily laughed, rubbing your eyes with your sweater sleeve.

He smiled at you before ruffling your hair, “No more tears, ok?” 

You nodded, watching him stand up.

“Give me your cell phone.” He wiggled the fingers on his free hand, opening it towards you.

You looked up at him quizzically, fishing it out of your pockets. You set it in his hand, your hold on it lingering before letting it go.

“I’m going to give you my number. Once you know when your next concert is I need you to text me the details ok.” He nodded, waiting for you to follow.

You gave him the acknowledgement he wanted, watching his slender fingers glide along the screen as he imputed his number. 

“This is also for emergencies, so if anything ever happens. You call me and I will come get you. Any time, any place, I'll always come.” Sugawara extended your phone to you.

You nodded again, taking the phone from his hand. “Thank you sensei.” You looked at the contact still on the screen. He had written his full name. “You have a nice first name sensei….Koushi...” You repeated his name to yourself as you ran your finger over the screen. 

He bit his lip at the mention of his name, something he wasn’t used to hearing come from your own. You had said it as he was leaving on Saturday, but it felt different now. That night it was rushed, muddled by the previous attempt to call him by his proper honorifics. It was sweet now, the syllables sounding more melodic as you spoke them. He felt the blood rush to his head, leaning against the desk for stability. He grabbed the edge, fingers digging into the wood as his legs failed him. 

The bell rang, turning your attention to the door, and his towards you.

“I’m going to go take my seat sensei.” You looked back to him, standing up.

“Ok, yeah go sit down. I just need to finish something.” Sugawara waved you off with a shaky hand.

“You don’t look so good, are you ok?” You took a step towards him, frantically looking over the flushed man.

“Yes, low blood sugar. Go, desk, now!” He turned you around, giving you a solid push out of his office.

You turned around, face greeted with a closing door. “Maybe he should have eaten more than just cake.” You chuckled lightly, students starting to make their way into the classroom.

----

Class wrapped up for the day as english came to an end. “I still don’t get how you're so good at english. I told the teacher I was a baked potato during our oral exam. She didn’t even laugh.” Yua looked defeated as she held her failed exam paper in her hand.

“At least you got out an actual sentence, I just said “I Hiroto soccer happy.” She definitely laughed at me...” The poor boy didn’t even score in double digits.

“I told you guys, it's because I already know English.” You laughed as you placed your books into your bag. “I was born in America, it was my first language.”

 Yua scratched her head as she recalled you saying that once or twice before. “Isn’t that kinda unfair…?”

“Let's walk home together since practice was cancelled on account of the weather!” Hiroto had grabbed both you and Yua's hands as he pulled you to the door. 

They had called off all after school activities after lunch, the severe weather warning coming soon after on the P.A system. The forecast had called for light showers, but the thick grey clouds hinted towards the heavier alternative.

“I can’t, Sugawara-senpai is tutoring me today.” You gave your friends a sheepish smile. You hadn’t walked home with them in weeks. Everyday a new excuse.

“I didn’t know you started those again…” Yua frowned, letting go of Hiroto’s hand. 

“We talked, and decided it was best to keep going with them. I failed that last math exam.” You scratched the back of your head, laughing.

“Ok...See you later I guess.” Yua slowly nodded, pulling Hiroto’s arm as she started down the hallway. The sweet boy waving a sad goodbye as he fought to keep up with her pace.

You tried your best to ignore the pit in your stomach, walking towards the office door. You reached up to knock, the door opening as your knuckles grazed the wood.

Sugawara walked out of the now open door, stopping just shy of running you over. “L/N-san, what's up?” He smiled, squeezing past you. He held your confused stare, mentally slapping himself as he connected the drawn out dots. He had completely forgotten that you had planned on starting up your tutoring sessions again. Too consumed with his other work.

“If you're busy today I can go home senpai.” You could tell from the look lingering on his face that today may not be the best.

He shook his head and smiled.“ Let me just go get some coffee and I'll be right back.” He disappeared just as quickly as he had opened the door, practically running down the hallway.

You took a seat at your desk, waiting patiently for him to return.

----

You had been working on math problems for almost two hours, watching as the weather got progressively worse outside. Sugawara sat in front of you as he watched your work.

“It sure is coming down, I hope it doesn't flood.” Sugawara was looking out the window at the heavy rainfall. A sheet of water running down the glass. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, a thunder crack rattled the desks as the lights in the school shut off. Sugawara walked over to the switch on the wall, flipping it a few times before sighing. “I guess it's a sign for us to call it a day.” He turned back to you, extending his hand for you to take. “It’s dark, let me walk you to the front.”

You took it gingerly, letting him guide you out of the classroom. The rows of windows illuminated the path before the two of you once you made it into the hallway. No more need for guidance as you let go of Sugawara's hand. You could see the hints of red tinting his skin, writing it off as the lingering sun peaking through the windows.

You walked down the dark hallway together, his hand ghosting your back as you made your way down the staircase, step by slow step. The soft chatter of a distant phone call perked your ears as you rounded the corner to the front office. 

Sugawara leaned against the front desk, waiting for the woman to finish her call. He looked at you briefly, the slight squeeze on his heart turning him away. You had your hands pressed up against the glass window, watching the puddles forming in the courtyard. Your breath leaving small circles on the glass as you stood up on your tiptoes, fingers on the ledge as you balance yourself. You were smaller than the majority of your class, everything just seemed so big compared to you. Even the large window, the connecting bar placed perfectly at eye level. 

“Sorry Sugawara, it looks like a falling tree hit one of our power lines. The company should be here tonight to fix it, you two should head home.” The office lady set down her phone, turning in her chair to face Sugawara.

“Ok, well good luck tonight.” Sugawara laughed, turning to you. “I guess that's the end of our tutoring session today. Let’s head home.”

You nodded, it was getting late and you still had a few train rides home.

Sugawara fished his keys out of his pocket as he walked to the front door. “Are you coming?” He questioned as he held the door open. The rainfall was deafening making it hard to pick up his voice over the static noise.

“No, I'm going to wait out the rain for a bit. I don’t have an umbrella for my walk to the station.” You waved him off as you leaned against the window. 

“The train station is a twenty minute walk from here, you’ll get sick trying to walk home in that. Let me drive you home.” Sugawara unzipped his coat, pulling the sleeve off his arms. He wrapped it around you, holding it open for you to slide your arms inside.

“Really it's ok senpai, I can wait.” You smiled trying to slip out, Sugawara guiding your arms into the sleeves.

Once he got you situated in the coat, he zipped it up to your neck. “Let’s go!” He smiled, holding the door open for you.

You ran next to each other through the courtyard, his car parked in the courtyard on the far side of the school gates. Once you had made it he unlocked the car, opening your door for you to get inside. He waited for you to sit down, closing the door softly before running to the driver's side door. Crawling inside he closed the door and laughed. “Wow, it's really coming down! I'm soaked!” He ran a hand over his now opaque button up. The fabric clinging to the outlines of his body. The hours he had spent on the volleyball court were apparent, that was certain. He unbuttoned his shirt, setting it in the back seat. His white t-shirt wasn’t in much better condition, clinging to arms as he looked for something in the back seat.

You watched a drop of water drip off his hair down his cheek. Tracing the outline of his jaw, down the curves of his slender neck, and across his exposed collar bone before disappearing into his shirt. 

“Here, for your hair.” Sugawara sat back in his seat, two towels in hand.

You stared at them, brain fried at the thoughts running through your mind. 

He laughed before leaning over the center console, gently wiping the water off of your face before laying the towel over your head. “Put your address into my GPS.” He was now drying himself, wiping the excess water from his hair as he started the car and turned on the heated seats. 

“I’m sorry it's so far senpai.” You frowned, starting the route.

“That's not far at all. I think you're maybe four blocks down the road from my own apartment.” He smiled, turning around as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Are you warm enough?” He placed the back of his hand on your cheek. “Still kinda cold, I'll turn up the heat.” He pressed the button on the dash a few times, the air kicking on.

You stayed quiet, watching the lights pass by your window as he speeded down the freeway. The sun starting to tuck behind the skyline of the city. 

He couldn’t help but watch you out of the corner of his eye. You were tracing the outlines of the sunset on the foggy window. Your fingers looked so small peeking out from his clearly too large coat. He hoped it smelled at least a little bit like you when you gave it back. Like daisies and spice. It was fitting to him, a lot like your personality.

“Do you want to play some music? We still have a half hour or so to go.” He handed you the cord as he switched the station.

“I’m not sure you’ll like my music sensei...” You blushed, but he insisted.

“I listen to just about anything.” He flashed you a sweet grin before turning his eyes back to the road. That was a lie, he was very particular about his music. But he wanted to know what you listened to.

You plugged your phone in and browsed your collection. “Well, I do have this one.” You shuffled the songs and sank into your seat, watching his reaction to the playlist you had made for him. You had made it after the day at the nurses office, and slowly added to it as time went on. Just a collection of songs that reminded you of him.

He seemed to enjoy it, tapping his finger along with the songs as he watched the road. “You have a lot of english music, do you speak it?” He looked to you as the next song started. 

“Um, yeah. I was actually born in America. I moved with my parents in kindergarten. They both had job opportunities and I was already learning Japanese so it just worked out.” You were happy most of the school didn’t know of your foreign upbringing. It made passing your “second” language class all that much easier.

“What do your parents do?” Sugawara turned off the freeway, easing to a stop at the red light at the end of the exit.

“Well my dad travels a lot. He’s a wildlife photographer, and my moms a professor at Tokyo University.” You watched the timer on the crosswalk tick down, cars rushing past.

“That's a long commute.” The light turned green and Sugawara lightly pressed the gas. 

“She lives in Tokyo with my grandfather. He got really sick after my grandma died, so she stays with him.” It was a commonly known fact at the school that you lived alone. Your parents had told the school when you started first year, just for safety purposes. You found out later that a lot of the older students lived alone. Their parents renting apartments for them so they could focus on their studies.

“So you're all alone at home?” Sugawara always hated the thought of students living alone, especially you. 

“Well not all the time. Iwa-chan visits me alot, and Oikawa comes over when he's home.” It made your heart skip a beat when he worried about you like this.

“As long as you're safe...If you ever feel uneasy you can call me, I'm just a short drive away.” Sugawara flipped on his blinker, waiting for his turn to merge onto the next street.

“Thank you senpai, I really appreciate it.” You reached your hand out, placing it on his forearm. You gave it a soft squeeze before returning your hands to your lap.

He wished the contact lasted long, the warmth already leaving his skin. He wanted to reach for your hand, hold it in his own as he drove. He wanted to rub small circles on the back of it, feeling over the veins and tendons, commit them to memory. They were so warm, even with the brief contact. He really did live for these moments with you, where the teacher/student boundaries broke down and he could just be near you, savor the atmosphere. He couldn’t tell if it was the rain, the music, the close proximity, or just how much he missed talking to you. But he had that feeling again, the longing to reach out and touch you. He looked down to your lips, soft and plump. They were his favorite shade of rosy pink. He hated to admit it, it was cheesy, but nothing described how he felt quite the same way. 

“Do you like the playlist?” You blushed, had he been aware how long he had been staring at you?

His eyes watched as your lips formed to the words you spoke. A car horn behind him finally turned his attention away from your lovely gaze. How long had he been sitting in the turning lane? He looked down both sides of the road before finally turning into the road. “Yeah, I do. Did you have a theme in mind when you made it?”

 “Love…” You looked down at your phone, flicking through the tracks of the playlist.

His eyes widened slightly at your response. He knew it was a collection of love songs, he had most of these on his own playlists. But to hear you say it, it made his heart squeeze. “Can you send me it?”

You nodded, pulling up Sugawara’s contact name. You looked over his full name for a moment before pressing send on the message.

A few seconds later his own phone vibrated in his cup holder, your number popping up on the screen.

Your house was coming into view as he drove down the street.“It’s the white house, brown roof.” You pointed to the one with the porch light on, the driveway empty. 

He pulled in, putting the car in park. “Well, we made it.” He smiled, reaching his arm around you to rest on the back of your seat.

“Thank you so much senpai, I'll make it up to you I promise.” You giggled, happy to have made it home relatively dry.

“You don’t need to worry about it, I don’t mind helping you.” He looked down at you, eyes softening as he met yours. The deep hazel was unreadable as he searched over your own.

You looked over his soft features, admiring the way he looked in the dim light of the sunset. You could see the soft reds and pinks reflected in his eyes, the warm hues matching the ones creeping over the bridge of your nose. Your eyes traveled down, lingering on his lips. Watching them part slightly as he shifted in his seat.

He leaned in slightly, eyes never leaving your own. Stopping just shy of your lips, his breath ghosting over the tingling skin.

Your heartbeat quickened as you took in a shaky breath. You closed your eyes ,leaning in. Your lips were cold, nothing but air brushing past them. Opening your eyes you were met with a sad smile, Sugawara sitting back in his seat.

“Good night L/N-san. Please get inside safely.” Sugawara looked down at the steering wheel, tightening his grip on the leather. The pressure in his chest grew as he avoided your looks.

Your heart dropped at the lost opportunity. You got out of the car, stripping yourself of his coat. Folding it over itself, you set in in your seat before closing the door.

Sugawara watched you walk up your front steps, waiting as you opened the door. He wanted to see you turn on at least one light, just to prove you were safely inside.

You turned off the porch light instead. 

He drove home, biting back the tears that lined his eyes.

----

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

----

*Hi, me again! I actually made a playlist for this chapter. If you want to listen to it I provided a link! *

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/35WHmMJAgINCRrYzeJ3sQo?si=YfB0nGypRh63DZgOuDgMEg

[paradisobound]

World’s Greatest First Love: Chapter 5

Summary: Dan Howell wanted a clean break from his father’s publishing company. It was why he applied for a different company in London: to stop the ridicule of his coworkers for riding on his ‘daddy’s coat tails’. But he wasn’t expecting to suddenly be going from a literature editor, to a graphic novel editor. And he certainly wasn’t expecting to come face first with his first love who broke his heart from when he was a teenager: who just happens to be his new editor-in-chief.

Based on the Anime and Manga “The World’s Greatest First Love: The Case of Ritsu Onodera” aka Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi

Rating: Mature (For Now)

Word Count: 3.2k (this chapter)

Warnings: Drinking/Drunk Interactions 

Beta Read by: @phanandpenguins​

Updates Every Tuesday and Saturday at 1pm EST

READ ON AO3 | READ ON WATTPAD

The wind billows against the window of the library as the rain hits harder and harder. It’s coming down hard outside, and that freaks Dan out a bit, knowing he has to walk home in it. He doesn’t even think he brought an umbrella.

He looks down at his forgotten English homework on the table in front of him and looks between the window and the male sitting in front of him. His eyes are blue as ever, his lips curled into a soft smile, and his black hair falling over his forehead.

But yet, Dan can’t quite make out who it is. The face is unrecognizable, the features a blur. He feels his chest tighten and he lets out a loud gasp.

Dan sits up in bed, heaving loud breaths as he fists portions of his hair in his hands and wills himself to calm down. It was just a dream. A really dumb dream again about high school and about Phil.

He hadn’t had a dream like that in so long that it almost felt more surreal. When he was living in America, studying at the private school in Long Island, he had these dreams all the time, nearly every day. He would fall asleep every night and dream of the faceless figure with the stark features.

But now that he knows that the figure was Phil, his heart beats a little harder, a little faster, and he feels like he might have a proper panic attack. He lays back down into bed, his head hitting his thin pillow, and he looks at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

It’s half past five in the morning. He should really try and get more sleep, but Dan also knows that he has to finish an important proposal to turn in to Phil at seven. So he throws back his comforter and turns the light on next to him. His naked torso shivers as the cool air in his apartment hits his skin and he grabs the first sweatshirt he sees on the floor and puts it on.

Dan doesn’t even want to look at where the rest of his close are scattered. He knows his room is a mess. His apartment is still a mess...his entire life is a mess at this point. He feels like he doesn’t even have control over his life anymore.

What happened to the promising young heir to the Howell Publishing Company? The kid that everyone talked about, that everyone was excited to see come into fruition?

Oh, yeah, he died the minute he got his heartbroken by a fuckboy in high school, that’s what happened.

Dan walked into his bathroom, relieved himself quickly and brushed his teeth, and then hopped over to the shower where he turned on the tap to nearly the hottest setting. He got inside the spray, his clothes dropped behind him in a pile on the floor, and let the searing water touch his skin. It probably wasn’t healthy, to be showering in water this hot, but yet the slight pain and ache that it gave him definitely felt worth it.

In the end, he turned the water a bit cooler and then stood under the spray for a while, just letting the water cleanse him.

***

“No.”

Dan blinks a few times and then furrows his brows. What do you mean no?

“What?” He asks, genuinely confused.

Phil hands him back the proposal form and shakes his head, “That’s not a good proposal so I’m rejecting it.”

In the background, Dan can hear the other workers snicker about the newbie being rejected by Phil. Dan feels his cheeks heat up. It’s been a long time since he’s been rejected for something, let alone rejected by Phil. What was so wrong with the way he wrote his proposal? He wrote it the same way that the examples that Phil gave him told him to write it.

He literally followed them step by step.

“Why isn’t it?” Dan presses, taking the proposal form back from Phil. “You didn’t even look at it, you just skimmed it.”

That part was true. Right before Phil had told him a firm no, Dan had seem him take the form, glance over it, and then immediately reject it. Had he even taken the time to read what Dan had actually written?

Contrary to what Phil must be thinking right now, Dan did put a lot of effort into this. It was his first time ever doing one because at his fathers company, the sales department took care of the proposals for the books. Apparently this company was not like that.

“Well, to start with, you’re not detailed enough,” Phil says. “Where it asks for how you plan to promote the book, you have ‘posters’. That’s not going to be detailed enough for the sales department. Are you doing a signing? Signed posters? Is the author going to do something with these posters? What about commercials? You never even mentioned commercials for it.”

“Oh, well, I can make that more detailed,” Dan countered. “That’s not going to--”

“And!” Phil interrupts, “You’re not proving to the sales department why your specific graphic novel is worth the money thats going to be put into it. You need to convince them that they’re not going to make a mistake publishing your book. Right now, you don’t have an argument and the sales department is going to eat you alive.”

Dan feels humiliated, like he failed a simple task. He feels like he let his author down, who has been working so hard on finishing her piece. He also feels like he failed the company, he failed Phil...he failed himself.

“Dan…”

Phil’s voice cuts through Dan’s head and he sees Phil staring up at him with a soft expression reading on his face, “It’s okay. Every editor here has had their first proposal rejected. It’s not as big of a deal as you probably think it is. It’ll be okay.”

Dan feels like a child, wanting to shrug his shoulders and bellow out it’s not going to be okay! But he knows he can’t do that, because that’s not reasonable. He needs to take a few deep breaths and refocus.

“Your proposal isn’t due until the end of the day today to the sales department,” Phil continues. “Take the time today to work on it. Fix all the mistakes I told you about and then have me look over it a few more times. Really, I promise it’s going to be okay.”

Dan nods his head and forces a smile as he turns on his heels and walks over to his desk. He pulls his laptop out of his bag and sets it on his workspace. He opens the file that he needs with his proposal in it and he begins to slowly rework it.

Nearly two hours into the revising, he can see how much better the proposal is looking with the advice that Phil gave him. He’s coming up with actual reasons on why his authors book deserves to be marketed and sold by their company after editing it. He knows now that the sales department can’t possibly reject this version.

He’s typing away, lost in his own little world as he finishes up the last part of the proposal when a chair is put next to him and he looks over his shoulder to see Phil sitting down. He leans his arm on the desk and looks down at Dan’s laptop.

“Let me see what you have,” Phil says, grabbing the laptop and yanking it from under Dan’s fingers.

“But I wasn’t finished.”

Phil just shook his head and scrolled to the top of the file and began reading it. He fixed a few mistakes as he went, but by the end, the look on his face read as satisfied to Dan. He seriously felt so much relief from that.

“It’s much better,” Phil says. “Finish the last part, give me a printed copy to look over once more and then we’ll bring it to sales.”

He stands up from his chair and puts it back where he took it from and walks back over to his desk. Dan smiles to himself as he finishes the last paragraph, and then hits print in the corner.

Dan makes his way to the printer and picks up the fresh copy of his proposal and he can already feel a much bigger weight lifted off from his shoulders.

***

“Congratulations on getting your first proposal approved by the sales department!”

Dan is putting away his belongings into his bag, ready to go home for the day. He’s actually able to leave a bit early which makes him feel really good for once. He turns to Mitch who is still sitting at his desk, working on his own manuscript for his author.

“Oh, thank you,” Dan answers. “I didn’t realize it was that difficult to have your book be sold.”

Mitch let out a laugh and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms up in the air, “Onyx is a tough company to please,” Mitch says. “It’s really hard to get your proposals and everything approved the first time. Even I didn’t get mine approved the first time.”

“Oh no. Really?” Dan asks, feeling genuinely sympathetic for Mitch.

Mitch shrugs, “It’s not a big deal or anything. But I also didn’t have the help of Phil either.”

“Oh?”

“Phil wasn’t here yet when I started working here,” Mitch says. “When I started working here, the editor in chief was a guy named Bradley. He was never organized and he was a complete prick. Hated dealing with him. When Phil was named the new editor in chief, we all thought Phil was going to be the same way. But Phil actually took our branch and turned it completely around,” Mitch says. “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Sapphire is the leading graphic novel branch right now in the London. No wonder we’re always busy with new authors and paperwork. We were always the last choice until Phil got here.”

Dan took in Mitch’s words and felt a warm feeling deepen in his core. He doesn’t know why, but it felt really warming to learn about how Phil turned this branch around. He hadn’t honestly heard about any of that.

“Anyway,” Mitch continues, “I’m sure you want to get home so I’ll save this convo for another time.”

Dan just laughs and nods and finishes grabbing his stuff. He stuffs everything into his bag and puts it on his shoulder as he grabs his coat and heads out for the evening.

It’s not as cold in London tonight as it normally is. It feels nice, the wind doesn’t burn his cheeks. He walks for a while, not quite wanting to take the tube right away as it was actually still daylight for once as when he left work. Albeit not for long it wouldn’t be, but it was nice for the time being.

As he walks to the station, he passes by a W.H Smith and he suddenly feels like he wants to go inside and check out some of the books. Now that he works for Onyx, he definitely wants to check out what books are actually being published by the different departments of the company.

He walks inside and takes a look around at all of the different books. He lets out a deep breath and makes his way up the stairs to where the rest of the books are and he heads to a stack of new books in the corner on the table. He picks one up and looks at the binding and laughs when he sees Onyx Publishing on the bottom.

It’s satisfying in a way to know that the company he works for is actually producing books that he can find in a bookstore. He goes to pick up another one when he hears his name called from behind him. He turns and sees a short female with brown hair and instantly, he knows it’s Kelsey.

“Kels!” Dan says, extending his arms open as Kelsey gives him a quick hug, “How are you?”

“I’m great but how are you?” Kelsey asks. “I haven’t heard from you since you left the company.”

Dan worked with Kelsey at his dad’s publishing company and she was the only coworker he got along with. She was nice and friendly and always willing to help him when he struggled with anything. He relied on her and he knew he was going to be sad when he left her behind to work at Onyx.

“It’s not going too bad,” Dan admits. “I’m editing graphic novels though which I never expected.”

Kelsey cocked her head, “Graphic novels? What?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Let’s go for some dinner and drinks then!” Kelsey says, “We need to catch up anyway.”

***

In hindsight, Dan should have known after the first drink that things were going to go south because he hadn’t ate anything the entire day. His body was drumming with the alcohol and he was already feeling a bit cloudy in his head.

“What is it like working with graphic novels?” Kelsey asks, picking up the last bite of her food with her fork. “Is it easier then working with novels?”

Dan shakes his head, “It’s hard. There are a lot of components to it.”

“Oh really?” Kelsey asks. “They seem like they would easier.”

Dan nods, “I know. But they have like a complete storyboard and everything with them. You have to have the manuscript with the dialogue and the plot points and then after they submit that to you and you approve it, they do the storyboard and that gets approved and then piecing them all together is a whole different story.”

“Sounds tough.”

“It is.”

Kelsey lets out a snort and then downs the rest of her mimosa.

“What is it like working for Onyx?” Kelsey asks, suddenly. “Is it different than working for your dad?”

Dan raises his head up a bit because his reaction is say yes, this is 100% different but then as he actually thinks about the question, he realizes that maybe it isn’t? Yeah, working for his dad was a totally different area than working for something like Phil but…

“It is,” He finally says. “It’s a lot different.”

The door to the bar opens and a bell rings in the air and most patrons turn their heads, Dan included. At first he doesn’t see anyone, so he just dips his head back down but then Kelsey suddenly gwawks, “Oh my! That’s Phil Lester!”

Dan’s head immediately picked up and he saw Phil walking to an empty table with a woman by his side. They were laughing, looking like they were having a good time and for some reason, that really made Dan’s heart race.

“You know him?” Dan asks.

Kelsey nods her head, “Of course! He’s considered one of the best editors in London. He’s fantastic. I knew of him briefly when we worked together but I never spoke to him.” She turns her head towards his table. “He’s with someone. Not all that shocking. I always heard he was a bit of...you know.”

Dan’s stomach turns a bit more but he tries to ignore it long enough to say, “He’s my editor in chief.”

“He’s your editor in chief?” Kelsey asks, her voice higher in pitch. “Why didn’t you bring this up earlier? That’s such a big deal. What is it like to work for him? Is he tough?”

“Phil is…”

“Phil is what?”

Dan whips his head around just in time to see the person in question standing behind his chair with a grin on his face. Dan’s cheeks flush and he opens his mouth to speak but Phil interrupts, “I’m being serious. What were you gonna say about me?”

“I...I was just gonna say that you’re easy to work for,” Dan stutters.

Phil lets out a laugh and then reaches out and gently pats Dan’s shoulder, “Keep telling yourself that,” he teases.

He turns on his heels and walks the other way and Dan definitely now feels like he’s too sober for this. So he raises his head and calls over a waitress and order a few more drinks to take off the edge.

Dan is proper pissed by the time he leaves the bar with Kelsey. She is too but they help each other get a taxi to their apartments. Dan says his goodbye to her and then gets out at his stop and staggers his way inside.

He manages to get his key out to unlock his apartment door just in time for the elevator doors to open and for Phil to step out from behind them, walking a lot straighter than Dan just was.

“You get back okay?” Phil asks and Dan starts to laugh because to him, that’s a dumb question. He’s at his apartment door isn’t he?

Phil reaches out and helps Dan steady his hand long enough to get his key into the slot to turn it. Dan pushes the door open and goes to stagger inside when Phil speaks again, “Are you going to be okay being here by yourself for the night?”

Dan turns his head and when he comes face to face with Phil, his mind instantly starts going back to Phil being with that woman earlier. To him eating dinner with her and sitting with her and laughing with her all night as Dan watched with a sick stomach from the across the room. His blood begins to boil and he suddenly scoffs as he barks out, “Why do you care?”

Phil’s eyes change and soften and then he shakes his head a bit, “What do you mean? Of course I care about you, Dan. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you had that girl you were with tonight. That’s why. You can’t be after me if you’re dating someone else.”

Phil’s mouth opens and shuts and then his brows tighten, “What on Earth...Dan, she is my author. She’s my author who I’m mentoring. She wanted to meet up to go over her storyboard corrections and since we both worked so late in the day, we decided it would be best to grab some dinner and some drinks. There is nothing else going on.”

Dan’s cheeks flush and he tries to hide the obvious guilt he feels in his stomach from accusing Phil of being with anyone because...why is that any of his business? He doesn't like Phil...like that. Not anymore. He hasn’t in ten years so why did he suddenly feel so jealous seeing Phil with someone else? He doesn’t understand.

Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe he just really doesn’t understand what is happening but he also doesn’t want to find out. He begins to shuffle inside his door when Phil stops him and says, “Make sure you’re sobered up by tomorrow morning. Don’t forget that you have a meeting with your proposal to go over it. It won’t look good for either of us if you stagger in late and hungover.”

Dan doesn’t say anything else. He just nods quickly and then spits out a goodbye and rushes into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. He sinks to the floor and puts his head in his hands because he needs to get this shit figured out.

[xuteline-blog]

I want you to love me now

read on ao3!

Word Count: 3,489

Pairing: Seonghwa/Hongjoong

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, seonghwa jus wants to be held..., and thats exactly what hongjoong will do!!, Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Not Beta Read

Description:

Seonghwa didn't know who he had expected to be there at Yunho's movie night marathon. All he was told by Yeosang was that he had invited a couple friends over. He had never thought he'd find himself reunited with the very person that taught him what love really was, and to have a chance at it again.

Seonghwa knew what love was. He knew about it before he was even in preschool.

His mother and father, holding hands as they stared into each other's eyes, whispering confessions before giving a peck on the lips to eachother, waving goodbye as one of them left.

His mother and fathers thumbs caressing eachothers hands, sitting on the couch as his fathers arms enveloped his mothers frame, both content, both warm.

His mother and father, in love.

He saw it every day. He knew what love was.

He was told in class once that being in love would be when hes most happiest. He was told in class once that being in love was what everyone wanted. He was told in class once that being in love felt like you were a firework, about to be ignited, and when you saw the person you loved, you would light up, and felt like as if your body was on fire.

He was told about it every day. He knew what love was.

It wasn't until Seonghwa reached his senior years in high school that he contemplated love. Looking back, he had never really felt what people told him love felt like. He had had his fair shares of relationships, and by the way he felt absolutely downtrodden after his breakup with a guy in his class two years ago, he really had thought he had been in love. But maybe... it was just infatuation? Maybe an oblivious case of puppy love.

He remembered the day clearly.

It was stormy, the rain pouring down as Seonghwa looked out the window of the library. He had came here to study, as his last exam was coming up and he couldnt afford to fail. His scholarship depended on it.

He sat alone at a table, the librarian allowing him to keep his hot chocolate as his books and papers laid in front of him, his small makeshift study desk unorganised and messy.

He watched as the rain droplets danced around each other, how they stepped close before stepping back before colliding together, catching eachother and finishing their dance at the bottom of the window pane.

What a weird metaphor, he thought. Rain droplets, two lovers dancing around each other and away, too scared to cross paths before giving their all to their other.

He had never felt such a way.

A hand slammed on his desk, tearing him away from his thoughts. He looked up at the culprit, his wide eyes furrowing as he took in who had scared him.

"Hongjoong," He stopped twirling his pen between his fingers, holding it steady as its tip nearly touched paper. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to check on you!" Hongjoong smiled, and Seonghwa felt warmth blossom in his chest at the confession. Hongjoong grabbed a chair from the table infront of Seonghwa, turning it to sit at Seonghwas desk. "You've been hauling yourself up here a lot lately, I was worried if you were doing good," Seonghwa fought a smile as the shorter boy sat down, leaning onto Seonghwas table.

"I have been doing fine, just studying," Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows at the statement.

"But exams have finished?"

"Not this last one, its an exam to confirm whether or not I will be going to my desired University,"

"Oh? But i thought the scholarship covered that?"

"No, it was like a golden ticket. All expenses paid and a course set for me as long as I ace this exam,"

"What happens if you dont pass?"

"They take my scholarship and give it to someone else. They also refer me to other universities and colleges that would suit me if I so ask them too," Hongjoong looked down at the desk, eyes examining the strewn papers as he pouted. Seonghwa could fight the smile that ordained his face.

"Whens the exam?" Seonghwa grabbed one of his textbooks and his writing book, copying a few things down.

"On Friday," Hongjoongs eyes widened, his mouth agape.

"Thats only two days away! You better be studying!"

"You said you came up here because of how ive been," Seonghwa put down his pen, raising his hands to make air quotes. "'Hauling myself up here'"

Hongjoong banged the table, causing a semi loud bang to exho through the library. The librarian looked aorund the corner, pinpointing Hongjoong with her glare and shushing him. Hongjoongs cherks turned red as embarrassment took over him.

"I-I know i said that! I just— didn't you just have your last school exam yesterday, then? Have you been studying for this exam while stuudying for the schools ones, or just started now?" Seonghwa wtched as Hongjoong leaned back in his chair, a pout making its way back onto his face.

"I had been studying for this since Saturday, ap you do not need to worry. In fact, i think this may be my last long study session for a while. I'm pretty confident of where i stand right now," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, a small smile forming.

"Thats nice to hear. Does that mean you could probably hang out with us tomorrow? We all miss you..." Hongjoong trailed off, having grabbed Seonghwas pen and spinning it on the table. Seonghwa felt more warmth course through his body at the statement. He missed them too.

"I will, do not fret. I've just been—"

"—We know you've been busy! You don't need to say it, we all have been busy!," Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, the sudden outburst unexpected. "But... That was a yes?" Hongjoong sat up straighter, his eyes wide and sparkling. How cute.

...Cute?

"Yes, I will be there Joongie, don't worry," Hongjoong jumped up, startling Seonghwa. He grabbed Seonghwas hands and held the tight, smiling brightly.

"After school, meet up at the front gates, do not be a single minute late!" And as quickly as Hongjoong had showed up, he ran off, barreling through the library doors with a bang, the librarian looking at Seonghwa with a frown while the boy stared at his hands, caught off guard by what Hongjoong had done.

He traced his left hand with his right, and his right with his left, eyes wide as he felt the tingles in his hands slowly dissipate. He felt somewhat... giddy. A rush from when Hongjoong had touched him. Seonghwa felt heat rise on his cheeks.

And while his body was still riding the high of the moment, from when Hongjoong held his hands, to his bright smiles directed at him, he couldn't help but think 'Oh no'.

***************************

It was a stormy day, and Seonghwa was stuck in his dorm. His roommate had left earlier, telling Seonghwa that he was visiting his parents for the week. So here Seonghwa was, alone in his dorm, a storm playing out right in front of him, and his hands curled around a cup full of hot chocolate as he lived carelessly for the week off. What more could he ask for?

He sipped his hot beverage, humming in content as he swirled the hot chocolate in his mouth, savouring the taste.

As he reminisced in the moment, his phone chimed. Seonghwa turned his head towards his phone, glancing at the notification on the lock screen. He leant over, grabbing the phone and unlocking it. He clicked on the notification, which was a message, and read it.

hehet

would u be free rn?

Seonghwa stared at the message eyebrows furrowed before sighing and putting his hot chocolate down.

pluto

yes I would, why?

also, why pluto

hehet

cuz u aint real 😍😍😌

pluto

what

pluto is real sangie

its just not a planet

sangie.

hehet

omfg stop bullying me

hehet changed pluto's name to bully!

bully

youre insufferable

hehet

u love it

ok anyway what i actually came here for

so ur actually free to do anythin today??

bully

yes sangie, im free today

why, did something happen? do you need me to come over and hang out?

hehet

no no, dw

just needed to make sure so everything goes according to plan

ok so anyway

come meet us at yunhos dorm, were havin a mini movie party n meeting some of his friends!!

bully

oh?

what kind of movies? and what kind of friends?

hehet

idk but not horror thats all i know!! i remember yunho sayin he wanted to watch some disney or nostalgic films so theres that

also !! do not worry abt the friends!!

they r super kind n funny, youll love em :]

bully

youve already met them? thats kind rude :/

hehet

it was by accident :[[

i went over to yunhos to give him back a hoodie he left at our last study sess @ my dorm n i met em!!

it was only for a minute, i was rushin since i was late to class

bully

hmm... ok, ill accept it

what time will it be then?

hehet

at 4 and if yunhos roomate does end up coming home early from his mini trip, itll end at 10, but if not, we can stay the night

bully

not to be rude, but i really hope his roommate does not come back to the dorms until later tomorrow

hehet

same

knowing us, we'd just pass out on the couch anywaybully

ok u guys will, im responsible

hehet

sounds pretty fake ngl :///

bully

ok then, i shall go back to what i was doing before you messaged me

hehet

wait seonghwa i wanna keep talkin im bored :[[

seonghwa??

seongie??

ddeonghwa????

: [

***************************

It was an hour before Seonghwa had to leave. He had just gotten out of the shower, mostly wiped down, but his hair was still dripping.

He shook his head, feeling his hair stick to his face and water droplets fly everywhere. He brought up the towel to his head and vigorously dried his hair.

After drying himself down, he got dressed. Nothing extravagant or formal, but something comfortabe and simple. It was practically a sleep over he was invited to, after all.

It was now 15 minutes till Seonghwa would have to be at Yunho's. He know walking to Yunho's dorm would take at least 10 minutes, since it was not on the other side of campus, but a far bit away.

Seonghwa went through his mental checklist. Phone, check. Charger, check. Earphones, check. Small over the shoulder bag full of snacks, a pair of spare clothes, and an apparent rose flavoured lip balm, check.

At the thought of the lip balm, he licked his lips. His lips had been dry during the week from the cold weather, so he took up Yeosangs advice on picking up one or two lip balms. Of course, he bought the only ones that were supposedly to be what a flower would taste like. He picked up the lip balm, applying it to his lips and smacking them together before putting it back.

He checked the time.

12 minutes left.

He grabbed all his things, his keys jingling in his hands and a dmall umbrella in his pockets. He opened his dorm door, exiting and locking the door before finally leaving the dorm building. He grabbed his umbrella, opening it up once he stepped foot outside, wlaking along the footpath, frowning when he noticed the mud making its way across the path.

He sighed as the rain started to pour harder, his grip tightening on his umbrella.

He did not want to walk back to his dorm through this weather.

***************************

He made it to Yunho's dorm a bit later than he had expected. His shoes were caked in mud, and no, he did not slip in mud, he just wanted to be like Peppa Pig for a fleeting moment.

He knocked on Yunho's door, wiping his shoes off at the mat and taking them off. He shook his umbrella, the water flying everywhere. Maybe he should ahve done that outside, but it was too late now.

The door opened, revealing Yeosang who just pouted.

"You're late," Seonghwa pushed past Yeosang, dropping his umbrella near the door and placing his shoes near the rest. There's definitely a few new pairs there, either Yunho got more shoes, or his friends are already here.

"You try walking here in this weather," A few laughs were heard in the distance. Yep, definitely here.

Yeosang shook his head, closing and locking the door. He turned to Seonghwa, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards lounge.

"So, what's happened so far?"

"Nothing much! Just been playing some switch waiting for you," Yeosang stopped as they made it to the lounge. "Look who's here!" Seonghwa looked at the three men that were on the couch, all three watching the TV as they battled in MarioKart.

"Is it Seonghwa?" Yunho asked before he crossed the finish line, jumping up and laughing.

"I win!" The man sat on the right of Yunho crossed the line next, pointing to the man that sat on the left of Yunho, laughing.

"And you're last!" The man on the left sighed, corssing the line.

"Wow, that was so fun," Yunho laughed, the man that came second now standing up and turning around. Huh, almost as tall as Yunho.

"Let me introduce them to you, Hwa?" The man on the left, stood up, but still didnt turn around. Quite short, thats cute.

"This," Yunho gestured towards the taller man out of the two newcomers. "Is Mingi," The man now identified as Mingi waved his hand, a smile plastered on his face.

"And this," Yunho reached over to the smaller man, grabbibg his shoulder and forcefully turning him around. "Is—"

For a moment, the world stopped.

For a moment, their eyes met.

For a moment, they were seeing eachother again.

"—Hongjoong?" Seonghwa blurted out, cutting off Yunho. The shorter man, now known as Hongjoong, shared a similar expression to Seonghwa, yes wide and mouth agape.

Holding hands, watching as the sun set over the horizon, the light painting his face, his eyes sparkling.

"Seonghwa?" Yunho looked between the two, confusion plastered all over his face.

Bright smiles, warm laughs. Soft lips, peppered kisses.

"You two knew eachother?" Seonghwa nodded, at a loss for words as he stared at the boy infront of him.

"Thats so cool! It's like it's fate for you two to meet again," Yunho exclaimed. "But come on, we gotta get ready for our movie marathon, its half hour past the time we were supise to start!"

***************************

It was around midnight that Seonghwa finally couldnt take the awkwardness around him and Hongjoong. He got up from his spot on the floor, making his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light, going to grab a drink and a snack from his bag.

As he trifled through his bag, finding the pack of chips he craved for, he turned around and almost felt his soul leave his body.

There was Hongjoong, standing right in front of him.

He had to hold back a scream.

"Woah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Hongjoong threw his hands up, taking a step back.

Seonghwa gained back his thoughts, the adrenaline dissipating.

"Do you need something?" He asked. He watched as Hongjoong suddenly became nervous, looking down at his feet. He has red hair... it looks... fluffy.

"I-I just... I kinda wanted to talk to you?" Seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks as he ran through the possibilities of just what Hongjoong would possibly say.

"About what?"

Silence overtook the two for a moment. Then Hongjoong spoke up.

"About... why you left," Seonghwa shifted his body, suddenly feeling so small. "Why you never contacted us," He felt shame slowly seep through his body. "Why you... never contacted... me," He looked down at his feet.

No one spoke for a minute, both thinking, both waiting.

"I never did get my scholarship..." Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, eyes wide.

"Wha—"

"I passed the exam for it, but by the time the people giving out the scholarship had marked it, all the scholarships had been given away,"

Seonghwa felt tears begin to pool in his eyes.

"I was so disappointed in myself, I didnt want you all to see me," He inhaled shaky breath, emotions coming back as he relived the moment in his mind. "So I just told you all that I got in and... left,"

He felt Hongjoong take his hands, caressing them softly. Like he used too.

"Why did you never talk to me after? You didnt even tell me you wanted to break up," Hongjoongs voice broke near the end. "You just went... radio silent," Seonghwa couldn't help the tear that ran down his face.

"I never wanted to break up," Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoongs hands. "I just— I wanted time, time to fix things, so i could say I was attending college, that I wasn't a fuck up..." He felt Hongjoong squeeze his hands back, he heard how the other boy sniffled. He must be crying too.

"Seonghwa, listen to me," Suddenly, Hongjoong was cupping his face, his hands so soft, and his eyes looking straight into Seonghwas soul. "You are not a fuck up, you hear me?"

"I'm sorry," His voice broke, tears now streaming down his face, one after the other. Hongjoong had tears slipping down his face himself. He lifted his thumb, wiping some tears off Seonghwas face.

"It's okay, I forgive you, HwaHwa," Seonghwa couldn't help but let a whine escape him at the nickname.

"HwaHwa! You're so cute!"

Hongjoong laughed wetly at the reaction.

"You'd think i forget what that nickname did to you," He stroked Seonghwas cheek lovingly, smiling fondly at Seonghwa, and Seonghwa couldnt help but feel his previous worries disappear just looking at him.

Seonghwa buried his face into Hongjoongs neck and threw his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders, letting another embarrassed whine escape him.

Hongjoong laughed at the action, snaking his arms around Seonghwas waist. They both stayed in that position for a few minutes, iust enjoying the company, the warmth. Enjoying eachother.

Hongjoong threw his arms over Seonghwas neck, pulling him down to give him a strong hug.

"Your hugs are the best, Joongie,"

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong shift, his hold on Seonghwa loosening. He felt a hand coursing through his hair, the action sending shivers down his spine, and a blush on his cheeks.

"I've missed this," Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa picked his head back up, looking at Hongjoong.

"I did too," Hongjoong smiled.

Hongjoong raised his hand, putting it under Seonghwas chin and slowly pulling him down back towards him. Soon enough, their noses were touching, and they could feel eachothers breaths fan eachothers faces.

It took just a moment for Seonghwa to understand what Hongjoong wanted to do.

He looked to Hongjoongs eyes, noticing how they flickered back up to his then fown to his lips. Seonghwa did the same, his gaze lowering down to Hongjoongs own plush lips.

Seonghwa unconsciously licked his own.

"Can I..." Hongjoong trailed off, but Seonghwa knew what he was asking. He nodded his head, feeling Hongjoong pull him closer.

Then he felt Hongjoongs lips on his.

And suddenly, he felt like he was back in high school. When Hongjoong would sneak up on him in the bathrooms to give him a few wuick pecks on the lips before running away. When Hongjoonga arms would wrap around his his waist, pulling him into his lap, and even if Seonghwa was the taller one out of them, Hongjoong would always find a way to make Seonghwa feel small and safe in his arms.

He felt light again, like all his problems had been thrown away. He felt like the weight he carried had been lifted.

Seonghwa broke the kiss first, gasping for air, breathless. His lips a shade of bright pink

Hongjoong just stared at the boy, breath taken at the sight before him.

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa back down again, both diving in for a kiss, each one more heated than the last.

Soon enough, both broke away, catching their breathe as they were pushed against eachother.

"I've wanted to do that for so long since then. I've missed it sso much," Hongjoong panted out.

"Me too," Seonghwa took a hold of Hongjoongs hands, looping his fingers between his own.

"This means that, you know," Hongjoong was anxious again, eyes flicking from Seonghwa to the floor. "That we'll do this again... right? That—"

"That we'll be back together?" Seonghwa cut in, heart beating fast at what Hongjoong was asking.

"Yes," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, still nervous on what the answer would be.

And Seonghwa couldn't have answered more perfectly.

"Of course," Seonghwa dived back in for another kiss, this one not heated, but filled with something more deeper. He broke the kiss, burying his face in Hongjoongs neck. "Of course,"

"I love you," Seonghwa felt his heart stutter.

"I love you too," Hongjoong smiled, pulling Seonghwa towards him.

"Forever," Hongjoong whispered.

"Always," Seonghwa whispered back.

[tumblunni]

Man today was A Chore. I got some good stuff done in the end but the middle of it felt awful and im just relieved it ended on a better note i guess? I had to spend like three hours sitting waiting for a package listening to some horrid old ladies talk about how child abuse is great and all the flaws of modern life stem from the fact we dont smack kids anymore. And like..fuckin.. "Ha ha remember how we used to fail all our classes and lie and hide our grades because we were scared of our parents and do anything to try and make the beatings hurt less BUT NOW IM AN ADULT I KNOW MY PARENTS WERE TOTALLY RIGHT YES" And friggin discussing all these beatings and LAUGHIng?? Laughing about being beaten and about going on to beat their own kids like ha ha this is so fuckin normal and just the logical conclusion of everything?? Like these were GOOD MEMORIES?? Fuck man i was like that gif of the dude with the giant vein in his head it was SO HARD to just sit there and try not to hear what they were saying. I actually ended up buying like 20 scratchcards just cos i was running on autopilot and trying anything to distract myself. (Only wasted 10 pound tho cos i won a few quid along the way and lost it again lol)

And gahhhhh after all that waiting i just get told my package didnt arrive today and i just have to come back tomorrow! So i went home super depressed and had to try and talk myself out of it and yeah. AND THEN i get a phonecall from the post office literally right then, saying 'yo whoops the parcel arrived a lil late, come get it before we close'. It was kinda funny, like me conquering myanxiety self hateness actually summoned a good luck better resolution to the story?? And i rushed down there and managed to get the parcel and all the post office people were REALLY NICE,like they'd gone kinda mom friend on me from seeing me come in and out asking for this parcel for the whole entire day. I dont know either of their names but thank you nice red hair lady in charge of the parcels and scratchcard corner grandma who chatted with me! If i see them again another day i have to go into the post office, i'll be sure to say thanks!

So yeah anyway i FINALLY have everything sorted now to do my Lets Play of the new pokemon game! I probably wont be able to start it til saturday evening or sunday morning though? Cos tomorrow i have the Big Stress of meeting again with my estranged sister and hoping i can maybe repair our bond. I dunno how long we're gonna hang out or even what we're gonna do or if its gonna go well, aaaa!! And then on saturday i need to wake up super early and catch a million buses to get to a cool art class place. Maan its been a busy week lol!

Oh!! And the stuff of actual success today!! Cos yeah some stuff did go well before the big post office trashness, and i need to focus on that instead of the awkward middle. Big good thing the number 1! I met with my support worker and had a really nice meeting in the new cafe in the local library. She was just super nice and gave me a great motivational talk about how i was handling this whole sister thing really well and she was proud of me. She said she got my voicemail i left for her during the whole thing and she was really sorry she was late replying to it and she was really worried how it all went. I totally forgot i even sent her that voicemail during all the mess! So i just got caught up in the panic and forgot to call her back, aaa!! Im glad she knows im okay now! And we had a nice hot chocolate and she said she's also proud of the progress i've made in going out and being social more often, pointing out how when she first met me i was too nervous to go to this cafe and now we're havong a nice day here. And i was like "but thats not a very big accomplishment" and she was like "ITS BIG ENOUGH, BUNNI!!!" Dammnit what did i do to deserve these kind people? *sniff*

Oh, and then she also helped me learn how to post an international package and IT IS FINALLY DONE!! Summon-daze, keep an eye out for parcel number 1, containing 25% of all the books i have for you!! They said it should reach you between 5 to 14 days. Sorry its so long, it seems the christmas rush starts a whole damn month early! *sigh* And i feel proud of myself for pulling it off, it was so stressy and embarassing aaaa. Just the soul pain of asking so many questions of the post office lady and holding up the line and having to go back and forth and be like 'is the parcel ok now? No?' *awkwardly crabwalks back again* But now i know! And i can definateky handle it all better next time! And aaaaa i just really hope it all goes well and i hope she likes the books and i hope i can afford to send the rest soon!

And then also i was brave enough to go to the other cafe too! I had to kill a lot of time so i had a second hot chocolate at the other place lol. That one is more busy and standard restauranty instead of a small library place, so its a little more imposing. And i actually had a small sandwich too! Somehow eating things in public is one degree more scary than drinking a drink? Dont ask me to explain my anxiety lol, even i dont know! XD it was weird eating a sandwich with a knife and fork tho?? Like the lady just gave me a knife and fork and i felt too polite to say 'umm actually i ordered a sandwich so here have them back'. It was a toasted cheese so the bread was all warm and chewy and really hard to cut! Really really nice though, it helped heal my soul from all the stress. Oh and i tried an american root beer for the first time! Its so cool and weird! Like a slightly bitter/salty sweetness combo? And how it foams up like beer even though its a soda??? Thats so WEIRD AND NEATO!!! Oh and umm maybe i should give myself some points for making conversation with the post office people too? I was so awkward and anxietyish so i feel proud that i managed to articulate myself well enough to actually ask for my parcel, and then they were just so nice and tried to chat with me and i...vaguely managed to chat back, lol.

Oh oh oh! And also i bought a shoes! I shall officially dub them The Murder Shoes~! It was a really good deal in a clearance thing at the supermarket, for shoes that actually looked pretty awesome! These big neat boots covered in WAY TOO MANY metal studs and belts and awesomeness! Theyre like goth cowboy aesthetic?? I love them, i dont have too many professional shoes and these are that but also funky cool!

So yeah several good things happened but the bad bit in the middle was just so long and frustrating that it left me in a big downer mood where it was easy to forget the good stuff. Writing it out like this kinda helps! And also to remember i have stuff to look forward to for the rest of the week! And, well, more challenges to face, but i feel more optimistic now!

[sadrien]

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare​!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa​ for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.  

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

[mceproductions]

December 2018 Blurbs

12/1/18 The final Chapter on 2018's book began with me checking out the sequel to Wreck It Ralph. And it was Near perfect in every way possible. What wasn't was my drive back and the snowstorm that laid waste to the road, never had driven in snow that bad until today. Honestly was shaking for nealry 20 miles. Luckilly came back in time to see Bama win in epic fashion. I may not like them but they are #1. UCF won as well hopeful they can make the jump. 12/2/18 Connor ended up picking up a new kitten, he and Amber named Nelson. Now I know how Peele felt in Keanu. That cat was adorable and so sweet to be around. Especially that poofball tail. Packers stink as usual to the point where McCarthy got fired during his postgame press conference. Bama, Clemson, and Oklahoma will batlle on the 29th to see who gets the chance to play in Santa Clara. Notre Dame will join them, this should be expanded by all counts. 12/3/18 Andrew has another job, this one late at night. Hoping he'll stick this out. Heisman this year went down to the 3 QB's from Bama, Oklahoma and Ohio State. Wonder how the finalst math is done to drop the number from 5 to 3. Gifts need to be sent out to Eric and Company soon. New Tree skirt looks hopefully ok. 12/4/18 Stuff can take the cake really quickly when it comes to life. Connor apparently has broken things off with Amber now his gut is killing him. Karma at its finest people. Other than that, I don't mind having to get called out to do carts what irks me is when someone like Cole, drops off so I'm completley alone out there. His weaseled out method just really iritates me more. Bowl Mercahndise looking rather dull this year, may save money along those lines. 12/5/18 Well, Connor may have gut problems like me. The real kicker is how incompitent our hospital is here, and how they were throwing in words like liver failure and appendix issues. Grabbed mounted photo which allowed me to finish wrapping the gifts to be sent out to Eric and them. Hopeful that Eli Like gummi Bears. Main gift hunting will begin next week. Do love Holiday seaons, and all that they entail. 12/6/18 The cat may be be cute, but Connor breaking, entering and placing him on me in the middle of the night. Nope. He, can really take the cake when it comes to not knowing how to amicably end a relationship. Rebought Hobbit and that gave me, Legos for the first time in 15 Years. Will only get the Target lego hobbit editons and that will be it. Survey for class is adjusted and will hopefully be done by weekends end. Seminar I still have to do, hoping Dad will give a hand with that. Looking forward to Mamoa on SNL. 12/7/18 Pearl Harbor, a tragic event that led to a worse movie. But on this day there should be a new atalige on when it rains it pours for the winter. I call it When it snows it bursts, cause we all had issues today. Bravada may have a frozen gear shift. Eric lost another girlfriend, Connor may be out of a job, and Andrew may actually be doing better than any of us for once. This is a burst of bad luck. 12/8/18 A day that i had originally set out to do nothing now had me doing even less, thanks to the Bum gear shift. Not sure how we can fix that, other vehicle still waits in the wings. Watched more SpongeBob then i had in a long time wow I missed a bunch. Could really use some good in these next few days. 12/9/18 Packers finally won, just need miracles to happen in order to squeak into wild card. Vehicles e break lite may give me clue in order to fix it. Winter and Christmas need to show up quicker cause it certainly doesnt feel like it especially not around here. 12/10/18 Early night when it came to the back. Used VTO to leave early, stinks i lost a day but at least i caught up on stuff. 12/11/18 Bravada i bought finally became mine with licence plates. Saving insurance for after Christmas. Store had less on today which made the work at least plenteful. But the group with the exception of me and 2 others all left at 9:50 as we got left with the bulk of the cleanup. Not cool in the slightest. 12/12/18 First day with Bravada, not a bad go of things. Penultimate class, surprisingly am at an A hoping i can get this done within the next week. Contingency plan needed for tomorrow, will see SpiderMan on Saturday and hold off on Aquaman until after Christmas. 12/13/18 Nice to find out i can still tack miles on my feet. Will need to do that again soon. Packages got sent including book for retun. Retuned a bunch of stuff for gift stipened, hoping dad likes revenant more than hacksaw ridge. South Park finale made no sense. 12/14/18 Saving spiderverse for sunday, mainly so i can get rid off stuff at BAM, more cash more presents. Will still read Mortal Engines even though movie looks lousy. A lot of ties on countdown, and just discovered a couple i overlooked. Binging Bob's Burgers like crazy. Man that show is a lot better than i gave it credit for. Busted truck is gone from parking lot, didn't expect to have to have management nearly call cops on stolen vehicle though. 12/15/18 Day from hell is an understatement. Eric getting arested, Im working on stuff and Andrew seemed to not know when to keep his mouth shut. Bowl games starting today brought only form of relief. 12/16/18 Better day, Animated Spiderman was something to behold. Got bulk of christmas shopping out of the way. Bravada held up just wished i could get it back fully. Packers got knocked out of postseason. Just hope we can win one more, at least chances are good. Smash Bros Ultimate is awesome. 12/17/18 Mom's gift now safley wrapped. Football continues and the Saints better be hoping they stop stinkin things up. 12/18/18 Cap 2 was down to 4 with a mysterious virus going round. As everyone left by 6, i managed to get out early. Just hoping this doesnt come back to bite me in the butt. Hoping to wrap up gifts by Friday, Aquaman on Saturday may be possibile. Glad thats in town at least. Also did annual watch of Haruhi Suzumiya movie, how come they can't make a movie that long in America. Stinks it has to be shorter than 2 for animated. 12/19/18 Last Class, thankfully was short and sweet. Walked out in good mood after making thank you card. Just curious to know when i may get funds, cause have to take 2 classes otherwise just to get scholarship. Rose Bowl shirt looks great. Will finish gift wrapping by friday at least. 12/20/18 I dont know why but it just doesnt feel like christmas this year. Snow almost gone, skies are dreary and whatever mood were in around here just keeps going up. Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls seems more and more perfect in telling the moood were in right now. Hoping for a few good days, free christmas dinner at store tommorow should lift funk. 12/21/18 The mood certainly is festive store wise. Finished grabbing gifts. Wil be hoping they like them. 12/22/18 Down to the single digits in days left of 2018, one goal of mine i wished i picked up more on was the sign language aspect. Will be putting that back on the 2019 docket. Store for a few more days. Just hoped to go watch Aquaman thanks to VTO but based on what i got coming, better to hold off on that. 12/23/18 Penultimate truck of 2018, thankfully got that done by 10, finally got tree from mountain, bulbs i picked up worked brillantly. Hard to belive it all ends in a week. Good year overall. 12/24/18 Short 4 hours with only Chris and Cheyenne. Best store day of the year in which we turn off all lights and tell people who come in to leave. Cole on the other hand, once again, i got drugged out to fix his mess. Not pleasent. What was was prime rib and quiet dinner with family before i gave them gifts. Poofball hat idea worked on all but Dad may have to return his. Looking forward to nba on christmas day. Wonderful life and Polar Express double feature to round things out. 12/25/18 Linus from peanuts says it all. With angellic hosts proclaim christ is born in bethlehem. 12/26/18 Amazing how one day in total silence with family can turn into one explosive return to reality. All for the best 5 days of the year i suppose. Aquaman movie ended up being pretty great, never figured Julie Andrews would play a squid. Badgers Bowl game tomorrow then final day of work for year on friday. Just hopin i can get final blog posted on monday before library closes. Year is rapidly closing fast. Also 2nd Charlie Brown Christmas special sucks, a little bit much on the meaning of the season and not on what made the first special great all around. 12/27/18 Rain filled the day, a lot of water that may turn whatever snow we have into ice. Badgers won in Yankee Stadium and tomorrow is Walmart 2018 finale for me. Just wish i didn't have a week off after that, but i can make do with micro paycheck for a bit. Already trying to figure 2019 Goals, dont know whether to up it or lower it. Found Attack on Titan Season 3 on Digital. Yeah gonna be good tv this weekend. 12/28/18 The 2018 Season finale at Wallyworld. Epicly enjoyable. Just miffed that  have a week off with little to no Coverage coming in. May seek alternative option. Truck tire thankfully got fixed but other issue may now have arisen. Bad luck streak wrapping this year up strong isn't it? 12/29/18 Another college football playoff another Bama Clemson beatdown. At least Kyler and Oklahoma actually put up a fight. Not sure what movie to see tomorrow. Possibly saving Bumblebee for next week, or VICE. 12/30/18 Entry 364 and on this penultimate day, I chose to go see the Mary Poppins sequel. Oh man it was charming. The welcome balance of modern with slight hat tips to what came before. Packers embarrassingly concluded thier season. Orville came back on tonight and that was equally good, a bunch of side plots that somehow all culminated in one odd ritual where Bortus took a dump, and it was good. Looking forward to adding that on DVR. 5 Packages to send out tomorrow, not sure what i'll be doing when ball drops. 12/31/18 Bye Bye Yesterday...The culmination of 365 Days of life, and as we conclude 2018 I think, there was so much more I could have gotten done. 2 Weddings, A Super Bowl visit, watching Connor finish school, buying my first vehicle, nearly seeing a sporting event, and a prmomotion at wally world. So much more I could have squeezed in. Finished today up with helping dad with bread, and  he made chili, hoping that that wont make us all sick as hes been these last few days. As for this journaling buiness.  I may look into continuing this come 2019. After all that is now as i have put it the year of the endgame.  Definetly would want to chronicle that. Though maybe i'll go the Your Name Route and download an app to chronicle that for my Phone and Ipad. Here's to you 2018, now as Thanos snaps at 11:53 you'll crumble to dust and fade away in our minds and hearts. Its time for the next chapter, and im ready...To Be hopefully continued.

                                       End of 2018 Journal

[thoughtsicantshare]

5/10/17

Although I just posted something, it was from a while ago. So, I have A TON, literally so much, to tell you. 

Let’s start with the easiest: School. I still really love school. We ended May 3rd. History this semester kicked my ass big time, even though it was just a stupid gen. ed. But overall, I did really well. I got all As and my GPA is still a 3.98. Next semester I have some really interesting classes so I’m very excited for it. Still, I have no problem letting these next couple of summer months drag a bit. Work:  I hate this place almost as much as I hate my high school-- and that is saying something big. We have next to know one bc everyone quit. We’re all doing WAY more than what our job titles entail and getting paid nothing. I’ve hit the point where idc anymore. I’m not going to continue scrambling and doing way more than my fair share bc no one cares, no one is even watching us, and I saw my pay check this week and it is nothing what is should be for how much work I’ve been doing. 

I’m in the slow process of trying to find a new job, but it’s really hard. I love meeting people, and got really lucky with this job. The customer service is incredible at my store, and my customers as some of the sweetest people. However, retail just is not what I want to do now or ever. This is NOT my life and will never be my life. 

Myself: In a recent post, I think I was really hard on myself and I think its was talking a lot about how I hated everything about me.  I still am very unhappy with my weight. I let myself go really bad this time. I hate the way my clothes are fitting, I hate the way I look, and its all my fault. I have no self control- I eat what I want, when I want and don’t care.  I finally started going to the gym again and it feels really good. I just need to keep a routine and actually start eating better.  Boys: This is where shit hits the fan. I am more confused than ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t remember where I left off with the kid I like, but wow lots has happened. 

I’ll start where shit hit the fan. So, for a little while I was thinking I still had a chance w him maybe. My two girl friends also did too, and I promise not in the annoying they’re supportive and positive only because they’re my friends way, but in the there were signs that he did like me way.  On a tuesday night, the night before my major history midterm, me and my friend Tyiana stayed in the library to study (This exam was horrible!! I studied for days, made a like 20 page study guide and wanted to cry all the time. That night, we had studied for HOURS. Towards the end of the night, the guy I liked had come to the library to tutor some girl in his class. I obviously was jealous.  When he was finished tutoring, he came and sat with me, Tyiana and her bf. He convinced me to finally stop studying around 10. I was just gunna go home, but when he was driving me to my car, I mentioned I really wanted McDonalds and he said ok let’s go.  When we were driving, he told me he had a gf. My heart broke. I had NO IDEA he was even talking to someone. It took so much of me not to cry when he told me, but I played it as cool as I could.  After I thought about it for a while, I tried to stay positive. I figured this would be good for him. If he’s happy, then I want him to be happy. If she makes him happy, then he should be with her. I also figured it this way- he can finally mature. Although I like him, he can be pretty selfish. Maybe this relationship could help him mature- he could finally lean to put someone before himself, to care for someone else’s feelings and needs before his own, to learn to really think about and care for others. And this way, if we ever go together, we could both be on the same page. It is important to note that on this car ride he specifically said, “I think I have a gf. Oh my god I think I have a gf now, idk I’ve never been in a real relationship before”  Of course, this may be me just over analyzing it, but he wasn’t even sure if they were a couple, but he seemed set that the prospect was high. ALSO, he absolutely refused to answer the question “do you have feelings for her?” I asked him multiple times that night, but he either said “I don't want to talk about it” or “ stop asking me” This is weird right?!!?

After learning this info, I knew I had to move on. There was no point in continuing my crush bc he was with someone else, not me. There was no chance of him liking me now. I’d like to say that I was actually getting over him. It was extremely hard, but I was somehow managing it. I was thinking about him CONSTANTLY. I always wanted to be with him, talk to him, or whatever. He was just always on my mind. Then I eventually stopped thinking about him as much--I’d be lying if I said completely. But really, I wasn’t always wanting to talk to him, I didn’t care as much if took a longer to answer my text, I wasn’t always wondering where he was or what he was doing (please know that I mean that in the least creepy was possible). 

And Now this is where things get really fucked up. and confusing. and frustrating. and down right annoying. 

Not long after telling me he had a gf, he became extremely flirty with me. At first, it was just little things, but then it became very straight forward.  He would literally straight up talk about how he wants to have sex with me. And every time, I bring up his gf. I’ll describe a few of the times that really stuck out:

1. One day, I was leaving school a little later than usually and we bumped into each other. We started talking, but he had somewhere he wanted to go so I didn’t think we’d talk long. We ended up hanging out for a couple of hours. Major event of this hangout:

Early that day, I saw him before class and he stressed that I looked really good in my dress. 

This was the first and only other time (besides the car ride) I heard him call the girl his gf. Still to this day, weeks later, he won’t call her that.

He again refused to answer the question “do you have feelings for her?”

He showed me a gift she got him. He had it buried under a bunch of stuff in the hidden compartment of his trunk. He commented on how he hated it and thought it was stupid

Two people had called us bf/gf this day. and she I tried to deny it, he pretended we were dating

He CONSTANTLY talked about us dating. A few times I told him we could never be because we had suck different tastes in music, movies, and a bunch of other stuff and he got upset. Finally, when we both agreed on 1 movie we liked he goes “So can we date now? We both like that 1 movie. That’s something we have in common”

I told him that if any guy from campus asked if I was single, he should say yes and tell the kid to take me on a picnic bc thats my dream date. He told me that he would tell them I wasn’t single bc I was dating him. He later randomly was like “what are you doing saturday” and I was like “idk I think I’m working all day” and in a sad voice he was like “oh man are you really working all day?”  and I said “yeah I go in at 2 and stay till 10, why?” and he was like “ Oh I was gunna take you out on that picnic date you want to go on”

But yeah, the ENTIRE time he just kept talking about how he wanted us to be together, and how we should and would date. He also mentioned that at some point me and him would have sex. To which I brought up, just about every time, that his gf wouldn’t really approve of that. **side note: us having ex has always been a joke bt us. We’ve both kinda always joked that we would at some point have sex**

2. This story is funny-- So one day I was walking to class and bumped into him. He asked where I was going, and I said I had class in 10 mins. So the conversation went:

Him: “perfect come with me”

Me: “ugh where are we going”

Him: “to my car”

Me, in an extremely flirty way: “Oh, your car? What are you going to do to me in your car”

(side note, one of the big jokes we have bt us is that we’re gunna have sex in either mine or his car. It started with my old car bc it was huge and had lots of space in the back, so he always said he wanted to fuck me in it.)

Him with a big smile and a wink: “Oh okay Alisa, I like the way you think”

So the convo continued on to just a little about what we did that day and then:

Him “you know one day it’ll happen”

Me: “what will happen?”

Him: “us. I can picture it- one day were gunna be hanging out really late at night and will be a little drunk and were just gunna do it”

Me, laughing but intrigued: “no. nothing is going to happen”

Him: “what why not? I can picture it”

Me: “well for one, I don’t drink so you won’t get me drunk. two, we never hang out late at night so that also poses a problem”

Him: “no i can picture it, it’ll happen”

He ended up walking me to class, on the opposite side of the building he needed to go to and more banter went on. I joked that I’d skip class to have sex w him if he wanted to and he just smiled so big.

3.  The phone call. We usually call each other when we want to see what the other is doing to hang out. So, I was in the store one night and he called me to hang out. He had just gotten off of work and was going to stop by and visit me at my job. He didn’t know that I actually had off that night. This phone call was filled with nothing but him being extremely blunt that he wanted so badly to have sex w me. Highlights from the call:

It was his first day of work at this new job. He had just gotten off and wanted to come see me at my job. Mind you, his gf lives close to his job. His gf could have sex w him then and there, but I would’ve been at work. I also wouldn’t have had sex w him bc of the whole gf situation. BUT he still chose to see me

I mentioned all that to him and he just shrugged it off and said he wanted to hang out with me. 

I asked him to go to my house and wait bc I’ll be home in 10 mins. He was like oh but if I go to your house I’ll have to meet your parents and what if they don’t like me? I can’t handle that. I told him that he wouldn’t have to go in and meet them, he just had to wait for me outside, and that who cares what they think he isn’t my bf so they don’t have to approve of him. He then responded but I am your bf, we’re together. They have to like me

He repeatedly told me he wanted to have sex

He again described that he has been thinking about the night we’re going to have sex. Again, he said we’d be hanging out really late at night and we’d be a little drunk and we were just going to do it. He said it would be great and he was excited for it to happen

I told him that I was very intrigued that he again had been picturing us having sex

On multiple occasions, he mentioned that we were dating and that I was his gf. I played along only one time and called him my bf, and he was happy when I did

I also brought up his gf a lot. I asked how she’d feel if she heard our conversations and all that stuff. He told me if she ever said anything to me, he would drop her in a heart beat

he got offended that he had told me multiple times that he wanted to have sex with me, but I never said it back to him

he said very boldly, bluntly, and seriously: “Alisa. I. want. to. fuck. you.”

when I told him that I would have sex with him, he was SO happy and was like “ok this is great. I’m hanging up now bc I want this to end on a great note”

4. Hanging out with Julia. One day he came and hung out with me and Julia for a little while. I had been having a really bad week and just wanted to hang out w him and laugh. But he was also in a weird mood so he was’t being fun.

The day before this, a kid had asked me for my number. I knew it didn’t mean anything, we had been friends for a little while bc we had a class together last semester, but I wanted to make is seem bigger in front of the kid I like

So I was like: “Oh Julia listen to this, a kid asked me for my number... I hope it goes somewhere because I have nothing else going on for me”

Him: “woah, what about me. you have me going on.”

Me: “Actually, you have a gf, until she is out of the picture, we are nothing”

I didn’t think he’d talk about us being together or having sex in front of Julia bc he does’t do it in front of our guy friends, but he did. Later, this happened:

Him: “but wouldn’t you want to be with me?”

Me: “yeah, but like I said, you have a gf. I’m not getting w you while she’s in the picture. that’s wrong. If you really want me, break up w her and we’ll talk”

Him: “are you for real? if i break up with her, we can get together?”

Me: “yeah dude, I’ve told you that before”

Him: “ok I’m calling her now.”

And he actually went to call her to break up with her, but I stopped him. I wasn’t going to let him break up w his gf bc I told him that I’d have sex with him. If we were going to get together or be together, then it would have to be because he actually wants to be with me, not because I would have sex with him. 

There’s SOOOOO much more, but it’s 1 AM and I have so much to do tomorrow  so I have to try to fall asleep. I’ll write more tomorrow, because there is more annoying shit to talk about. These were only a few of the juicy stories!  Peace and blessings for tonight! (:

[mceproductions]

October 2018 Blurbs

10/1/18 31 Nights of Halloween, Freeforms inheritence from its previous incarnations, other than the mandated 700 Club. The month between seasons, otherwise known as candy city. Stockholm Syndrome from Willies departure may be setting in as we had a large truck and only 4 of us to do it. I shouldnt be missing his prescence but somehow i am. Remedy is needed soon. 10/2/18 Im A Christmas Guy, love giving gifts out and decorating. Have done so annually for 16 years and it always starts within the first few days of October as i unblock my Holiday themed movie and TV Shows on digital. Looking forward to the next few weeks especially. Brewers NLDS starts Thursday! 10/3/18 The old tutalige of when it rains it pours, reared its ugly head. Flat by Old El Rancho. That really screws things up for me. Hoping for Miracle. 10/4/18 Well, day minus the Brewers coming back, was a bust. Tire was flat. Hoping I can get it either possibly fixed or a cheap replacement. Wondering how ill get to the store tomorrow. 10/5/18 Apparently massive flu spreading around as Mom picked up whatever Dad was sick with. Ended up replacing tire, but with brand new one. Hopeful not mistake. Also affected things at WallyWorld as Linda and Tyler were feeling cruddy. Hopeful I dont get it. Brewers win and truck got fixed. Still undecided on Venom or Gaga for movie on Saturday. 10/6/18 Ended up going with Gaga and was pleasently stunned by both her and Bradley Cooper. Movie was wonderful and that ending was rough, picked up soundtrack to boot. Sort of took longer than I anticipated coming back from EC thanks to BlueGolds Homecoming. Boy colleges take that far more seriously than High School. Panera for dinner was a great alternative as well. 13th Doctor tomorrow before work! FLCL on the other hand...I'll never say the C word to anyone, but Pets was definetly the C Word to Kana. 10/7/18 Man that was emberassing to watch. Green Bay actually played so lousy I watched Doctor Who, and loved the female 13th looking forward to more of her. Final Season of Walking dead also premired. Wonder how Ricks going out. Gunner and his partner are really intolerable. Reporting that asap, the store is not a place for thier private spats. 10/8/18 Columbus getting squeezed out of his own day is the most PC thing that I can get on board with. Nobody gives a crap about the whole Sailed the ocean blue in 1492 thing anymore. Stuff to do including assignments that I have to go to the library to finish. Hoping internet will be back sooner rather than later. 10/9/18 Woke up to flashing lights by house and realized power line got taken down by tree that Dad had pointed out. A bit more broke than I anticipated. Stuff here i have to do anyway and thankfully work will limit my having to go anywhere. Really could use $300 to pay Patti. Brewers will take on Dodgers in NLCS starting Friday. Mad that Conan for all intent and purpose has been cancelled, adpating is one thing but this is a glorified cancellation. 10/10/18 Rain city continues...Puddles in Bravada. On top of it its getting colder. Winter isnt here yet, but the white ravens are taking flight. 10/11/18 Now comes the cold, and first snow of the year. We had it all today cold, wind, sun and snow. 10/12/18 Store gave me a first look at my future. Gaurantee work on Sunday Monday and Friday every week unless i say so. Which other than one day may be saying much. Could use more variety than that. Also stinks NLCS is on when im working. Pulling for Dodgers in at least 1 game so I can see game 5 on wednesday at least. 10/13/18 They have been hyping the crap out of inventory for the past 3 weeks. Now i see why, Clint made a rare Saturday appearance at the store. Hopeful for the next few days. Got my prediction right about game 5 on Wednesday so thats good. Kanye is nuts as usual, and Kana gave me the best reason yet to finally move forward on the FLCL finale. Cold week ahead. 10/14/18 Andrew and his little notes are getting out of hand. Got called in to do truck early as Inventory closes in on Tuesday. Clint on the other hand, i know ive got to not walk off for a few seconds but he really needs to chill for a bit especially cause we both used to be pushing carts in the first months of the store he should know my rhtyms by now. Stinks about Pete Davidson though, really hope he can recover cause i liked him and Ariana as a couple. Rather unfortunate that they split cause she couldnt deal with her ex commiting suicide. 10/15/18 A missing person is a big deal, when you happen to know someone who is related to said missing person, then you know its huge. Jayme Closs, the cousin of Brody being abducted after her parents were gunned down, sad for all. My only issue is brody reatcing to everyones sympathies, overkill a bit. The other issue i have is the amber alert system that can be sent out to phones. With Trumps ability to text everyone in the country I witnessed a bunch of people who got the alert yesterday complain about it, the others who thought she killed them and fled are the bigger morons. Hopefully shes found safe. Other than that, good night for Wisconsin Sports, Brewers are 2 Out from pennant and Rodgers did his thing once again. 10/16/18 Boring first part of shift as we did basically nothing due to the inventory. But at least the night managed to salvage itself. Dodgers really play dirty. 10/17/18 Nose began to stuff itself again. Bunch of classwork for 2 weeks as i get the inservice day. Milwaukee gave another one away. Hoping Game 6 on Friday will be a turnaround. 10/18/18 Rare thursday day, nose still stuffed. 10/19/18 Library day as i caught up on work, and finally watched A Chrsitmas Story to its ending. A classic, yes just don't feel that strongly about it. Big game from the Crew forcing Game 7. 10/20/18 This day was nuts, a quick 25 minute snowcase that gave way to sunny conditions by noon. Saw Venom, didn't get why it was hated. Quite enjoyable dyanmic and She-Venom was the highlight of it all. Dodgers unfortuantley took the pennant. Great season overall for Milwaukee just bummed my streak of picking the world series winner at the All Star game ended at 4. Also tide pods finally used them, no wonder people ate them they're great for clothes. 10/21/18 First day ever that i skipped NFL Games. Neat concept. 10/22/18 Very long strech of store coming up, especially given that Today we only had 3 total. 10/23/18 Held off on grabbing Mamma Mia 2 Blu Ray. Mainly due to gas situation that had Bravada dying near tracks. I got to figure cash situation out to pay off people. 10/24/18 Lone day off before Halloween. No class today so that made things better. Master Mode on Zelda getting easier to figure out. Did reset on iPhone and Kindle, should fix lone bugs. Really want to play RDR2 and Spiderman PS4. World Series from what I can tell is shaping up as a sweep. Also, whole reason I began watching Sunny aired tonight. First of 2 Part Super Bowl Episode. Charlie in a Bear Trap drinking pee, eww! 10/25/18 First of 6 in a row backwise. The Halloween episodes on TV Usually do wonders for me, not this time. I know this is the final season of Big Bang Theory but Sheldon not realizing how irritating he sounds to others after 12 years and so much maturing seems not the right way to do it. Especially seeing his wife irrate Bernadette. 10/26/18 2nd night, the wheels i dont think feel off, but the were more loose than usual. Hour to set up, hour work, break, 30 minutes to unload hvdc and then didn't finish til after 6. When your down numbers wise you can certainly feel it. FYI The crap with the MAGA Bomber made me mad enough to likely stay off social media until after the election, that made it my breaking point. RWBY Season Premire Tomorrow! 10/27/18 Rooster Teeth First free trial, worth it for watching a great primire that perfectly sets up what comes. My point who is that woman with the Maz Kanata eyewear? Wisconsin stinks. 10/28/18 My issue with the whole core hours thing involves me working on days i know theres something i should be doing. Such as watching the packers. Almost beating LA, hopeful they can actually do that against Brady. 10/29/18 That blue wave better close in next week cause, another shooting and another predictable Trump response occurred. Hate crimes abound in his america. 10/30/18 Last in the back, October really came and went this year. Only thing bad about not working Halloween is the dressup im missing out on. Adam in drag would have been a hoot. 10/31/18 Darkness Falls Across the Land...You Know the rest. Halloween. This day is one back 20 Years ago i would openly love. At least the Candy is still around, albiet smaller and more sugary. Nowadays this day has me DVR'ing all the major shows to see what costumes get put on. Spoiler Alert only episodes of ATH And PTI that I happily record all year. When it comes to applying for scholarships however thats where it blurrs. WITC is really biased against those in the outreach sites hoping i can get help tomorrow when i visit. November came too quickly but, I get to see my nephew in 2 Weeks!