#the learning curve affected my art and that made me sad

[spookyheaad]

Fury Scream Laughs

I have no clue if I ever posted this here, and if I did, have it again!!

Made this sophomore year of college for my intro to animation final. Lip syncing in the beginning was done on ToonBoom & the rest of the frames were done on procreate!

Sibling bonding time! I think even though Fury would bully and be mean to Strife, that they actually get along quite well.

Quick headcanon:

I think Strife & Fury are fraternal twins, but Fury is older by like, 15-20 minutes or so, and she will never let Strife live that down.

Also yes the resolution in which I exported the video at was bull so it looks awful. Still had no clue how to properly export in after effects/premiere.

This is an older one but it holds a place in my heart :)

[trnquilgalileo]

Renjun’s Guide to Raising Twin Demons

How does one 22 year old art major manage to take care of his younger, hell raising twin brothers? Well Renjun surly doesn’t know. To make it worse he’s crushing on the actress who rented the apartment next door!

Loud. Too loud in fact.

Once Y/N had crashed onto the couch of the tiny apartment she shared with Haechan, the door opened to revealed said man holding up a black dress that fitted her curves. She groaned when she remembered she had agreed to go to the party with him a few hours before. A frat party in fact.

Once dragged and dressed, hair styled and makeup done in a mere 30 minutes, (bless Haechan for being multitalented) they were out the door.

The frat NCT 127 building was large. Well more like the venue rented to avoid being shut down by the cops when drunk adults would make too much noise at 1am. A suggestion she later would learn came from a man named Kun.

Once arrived the strobe light hit her eyes, blinding the scene of people rolling body parts onto other parts, throwing back shots after shots and secret love being shared between another. Haechan buzzed with excitement besides her, it being his first frat party too. A sad side affect of being children stars, born into the spotlight.

“You made it!” Mark swung an arm around Haechan, a beer in hand. “Want a sip?” He asked. Haechan shook his head.

“I’m DD for tonight, miss gurl here needs to relax after a long day of work.” He grinned.

“I’m not going to get wasted Channie.” She ignored Mark passing the half empty beer off to her, the man opting to stay semi sober to keep Haechan company.

“I think I saw Renjun at the bar.” He winked, before dragging her best friend away. Excuses about meeting his frat bros flowing from his lips. Y/N rolled her eyes before sipping the foul tasting beer.

Her trip to the bar was followed by people recognizing her. Excited squeals of “you were in my favorite show growing up,” or, “OMG! Can we get a selfie, I loved your Disney Special in 2009!” She grinned and bared it, always thankful for the support and the questions of her new project floating around. But it seemed no one would forget about her younger days.

“Hey.” Renjun’s eyes were half opened, his hair slicked back slightly revealing the blonde bits dyed underneath. His arms reached foreword and wrapped around her center. The bystander talking her ear off about her role in Cosmic Kids took the hint and backed off.

“Thanks.” She whispered. The beer disappeared from her hand and was replaced with a Mojito. The lighter taste filtered on her tongue, quite better than the IPA beer. “I mean it really, thanks.” Renjun shrugged before throwing an arm over her waist since she was too tall for the shorter man.

“Don’t mention it babe.” Y/N blushed under the purple light streaming across her face for a moment.

It was so casual the way he said it.

But then again, it was part of the agreement.

He can show he moved on, and she can show that she is more than her childhood experiences.

They were essentially after the same thing: growth.

“Update me on what happened so far.” She leaned into Renjun’s touch. He led her to an isolated couch towards the back. The steady hand on her back guiding her carefully.

“Well,” Renjun begun to think. “Chenle and Jisung are home studying, Jaemin and Jeno are off flirting with whatever has two legs and I assume you’ve seen Mark. Just avoid any of the older members and you’ll be fine.” Y/N hummed , before looking around. Strobe light, loud music, drunk people.

“I’ve got to say, this is quite boring.” She mumbled.

“Well,” Renjun dragged out, “We’re not the ones making mistakes tonight.” She smiled. He was right of course, they weren’t making any mistakes tonight. “Say,” he hummed, “Want to get out of here?”

“Of course!”

Chapter 8: No Mistakes

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Taglist: @lokideadontheinside @mrkleelvr @aminihhj @jiye0n0 @i-yes-ana-yes-i @grassbutneo @eboyjuni

[angelic-serenade]

“losing game” || fukuzawa yukichi

gif does not belong to me, nor do the anime & characters

fandom: bungou stray dogs

pairing: fukuzawa yukichi x gn!reader (1st person pov)

warnings: angst, lots of hurt and no comfort, emotional distress, barely mentioned mental instabilty, plot twist

a/n: just a little something i managed to write during the few moments of free time from uni. read as a letter to yukichi from the second paragraph onwards!! hope you enjoy, let me know if you like the new lyric-prose style i’m experimenting with!

word count: 1434

synopsis/prompt:  “a broken heart is all that's left, i'm still fixing all the cracks” ― arcade, duncan laurence

there is something noteworthy and indistinguishably patronizing which marks the mere presence of one fukuzawa yukichi – be it his wise and almost all-knowing gaze or his imposing posture, the way he manages to command respect without so much as a gesture anywhere he stands. he is authority and justice and that’s the only manner he allows himself to be, the only partial impression he allows others to make of him. sometimes i fret there really might be nothing more behind the carved, relentless shadow than the steely stares and unmovable frowns, lines so deep and intensely depicted that one might think of them as unforgiving – of what one may never know, if the unforgiveness staggers from the same place where the thoughts in his mind convince him that peace is something to be fought for but to never be attained. though sometimes the rough edges, the hollowed lines marking a tiredness which some days, some way feels all too familiar for comfort give way to a softer, unmistakably caring look; it’s almost imperceptible, the way he manages to turn the cold and unforgiving watercolors into a beautiful masterpiece, the true talent of the unrecognized artist  – his eyes lose the usually guarded edge which serves to protect everything but himself, his strained lips imperceptibly curl at the edge of a smile and the way he almost lets his shoulders abandon the weight he carries as if it were an old, battered companion brings to mind a tender sort of sympathy that sticks and can never really be forgotten – or forgiven for that matter.

akin to the flourishing of the most precious cherry blossom, you never allow for these moments to last too long, nor do they recur as often as to make those you care for expect them – in that, i think of you as more alike to the orchid than the cherry, for whenever the mysteriously grim orchid blooms, one knows not to hope for more time than its evanescent beauty can offer. cherries come to be expected, granted, but orchids never kiss and tell and you end up entangled either way. and after all, is it not the inevitable transience of things that makes them all the more desirable? if you heard me talking this way, with flowers and art and everything fulfilling in this life on my lips, singing your praises as if you were my last day of spring and sunlight, i’m sure you’d scoff the silliness away – this is your way, the way things have always been and always will be. no matter what you seldom sternly say, i’ll always be fonder of orchids than cherry blossoms anyway, for in their grave allure i found my own kind of tragic beauty.

by now i am convinced that you know and have always known exactly how much power you yield and how little you’d need to make me forget my own sadness – those moments, the careless slips of that bleeding heart of yours, are never meant for me. it pains me so to stand by your side without being able to bask in your praises, but that’s just how things are supposed to be – i am in your life, and that’s all i will ever need. sometimes you look at me as if you expect to see something - or someone – else in my place and i always end up trying to fill the void left behind by an illusion i don’t even know the name of. there is a hole that feels like an aching fever permanently carved into my soul, it spreads like an illness each and every time your voice creeps into my mind; even now i think of you and suddenly i feel much worse and better at the same time because you can never be the cure, but you sure as hell turned into my favorite medication. when i’m not by your side, in your beloved agency with your beloved family – the only ones allowed to walk alongside you into the sun - i delude myself into thinking i somehow may get over these terrible feelings that stretch my mind and hollow my heart, desperately convincing myself that time will wash away all of the promises kept in your sleeve. but sometimes, times that are just some and so unbelievably others, far in between and still so unfathomably precious to me, sometimes you let me hope and crave and i am almost convinced it could maybe be enough. the truth is that i have only ever known pain and i learned to make an addiction out of it.

once you called me by your side and i was quick to follow, as i always am because it’s you after all. under the feeble setting sun, the words spilled faultlessly from your lips, as if they had been composed to the likelihood of those poems about tragedy and grace i was stubborn enough to keep reading at night, and i stood in awe as you let me sip the most bitter of nectars, an aftertaste so haunting i knew it would forever ruin any chance of escaping this, of escaping you. welcoming the sudden flood with far more haste and yearning than i’d like to admit, you told me many things that day – about the agency, about your duty, about mine-, but you did not dare to utter my name even once, as you never did. you thanked me – me, little old, battered and faded, wide eyed and heavy-hearted me with no home to turn to and no more dreams in my closet to spare. you who had retrieved the pandora box and sealed it shut with your bare hands, you who had showed me another way, another path that nearly splintered my spirit all over again. i smiled still and for the briefest passing moment i almost hoped for you to reciprocate the minutest hint of affection; you raised your hand and rested it on my shoulder – it was warm, and it felt like water, like the purest form of unattainable salvation and i almost found myself crying in front of your unshakeable stance.

there was another time when you did gift me the smile i so desperately wished to keep for myself and i burn still, because look at what you made of me and what did you reduce my integrity to – i am neither blessing nor curse, the limbo of your love turned me into a willing martyr rejoicing the smallest act of kindness. you ruined me and i let you. i let you because a singular moment of bliss was worth the relentless tortures of your inferno.

i follow you around and keep you company still, but you never seem to acknowledge my unyielding pestering (just like before). when you let your guard down, my eyes lose themselves in yours because i can never completely understand what goes on in that obliviously rigid mind of yours – you look apathetic or sad or something that’s quite in between. oftentimes i worry for you, but you have always managed to cope and stand strong even as the tide came to wash away the last footprints of a decaying era, i believe you ought to keep doing so for another lifetime still. you have people who are dear to you as you are to them and for how much you’re unwilling to admit it, i also know that you keep a picture of me in your pocket, the one hidden on the inside of your austere kimono, somewhere between your contrite self-loathing and the lovely remnants of the day. when you think i can’t see you, i notice you make a habit of touching the spot where it’s concealed as if to remind yourself i am something right within your grasp, but that you’d never allow yourself to have. you never take me out of that pocket to properly relish the view and i will never ask you to. you grew fond of another illusion, as you’re prone to always do.

“the road to hell is paved with good intentions” i chant to myself when no one is listening, for my good intentions have only ever been inspired by you and burning and rotting in hell now barely sounds like a threat at all if i got to hear your praise just one more time.

today as you once again kneel pathetically curved upon my solitary grave, i can hear you weep yet; it’s been a while since you came to see me but finally for the first time, you call my name –

maybe you really did love me after all.

[ratinthedeadhouse]

Forbidden Love

My heart is devoted to the one I shouldn’t love...

Fyodor x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Trying to keep it fluff.

"... A demon you say?" You question with hesitation, pale face bearing a frown as you try to put all the puzzles together. "That man is the super ability user and a terrorist that Yokohama is so desperate to catch? The very man, I spent countless evenings going to museums and libraries with? The very man with his astonishing diamond brain had helped me solve several murder cases?"

Silence settled between you and other Special Division Forces agents who glared at you with fear or utter confusion.

Nobody knew of your accidental connection with Fyodor Dostoevsky, or simply known as Demon Fyodor, and it sure was a surprise to you when your (e/c) eyes noticed a familiar face on all the screens and papers in the office with a screaming title: 'Wanted Criminal. Terrorist. Fyodor Dostoevsky. Highest rank ability user. Ability unknown.'

You honestly had no idea who the mysterious slender man was when you first met him at the museum. He looked charmingly tired, sharp purple eyes looked deeply into your soul while you both stood, rather awkwardly, near a woodblock painting that depicted the suffering of young children and women. Their weak bodies engulfed by flames, others were drowning in the peaceful veil of water. Despite the horrible scenario the colours united in harmony making you both stare at it for longer than you should have.

"The choice of the colour pallet... It mocks their suffering" you stated after a while, rather talking to yourself but hoping, subconsciously, that a curious stranger with a funny white hat would respond to your comment. To your amusement he did.

"Mhm," he nodded at first, pinching his chin like philosophers do while thinking and then slowly added: "Maybe the painter wanted to tell us that not all sufferings are recognizable at first glance. I noticed when walking up to the painting, the bright colours made me think of happiness and kindness, however, now that we stand closer to it we see that their very souls are in terrible agony" Fyodor's voice was soft like moonlight rays with a gentle touch of a foreign accent.

"I suppose... It depicts life itself. We never know how much one suffers due to the façade they’re putting" you said with a sad smile. At this very moment you looked delightful, Fyodor found a strange pleasure in watching your serious face merging into a saddened frown. And oh, he did it on purpose. He could've chosen a less explicit interpretation of the absurd painting but in his calculated mind he knew that this version would strike you the most... And he was right.

You still didn't move from the tiny painting, twirling a strand of your silky, (h/c) hair around your finger, beautiful eyes glued to the painting but your thoughts wandered far away. 

It took one glance from Fyodor to understand your entire being, no matter how complicated you think of yourself - to him you are an open book, and he could not resist the urge to live the faint mark on one of those innocent, white pages. 

“I apologize if my interpretations upset you, miss...” started Fyodor with a polite smile curving upon his frail face, but was interrupted by your sudden enthusiastic reply:

“Oh, please don’t apologize. One is a fool if they are not moved or hurt by art” your voice was gentle and soft and Fyodor couldn’t help but love your words. 

Perhaps you two were more similar than he thought at first. In any case, enchanted by your watchful careful eyes, your smile and graceful movements of your hands, your speech and voice - he couldn’t just let you go like that, out of his sight. 

A man tilted his head sideways a little, looking pleasantly amused, letting his dark locks fall upon his cheek, gently. “It seems that I found a charming lady who shares a similar view on things with me” something bittersweet hid in his words but it didn’t matter to you. 

With a small, delightful laugh you move your right hand forward: “My name is, (y/n). A pleasure to meet you” 

Expecting a handshake you watched as the man in a long dark cape came closer, gently grabbed your pale small hand and softly kissed the back of your hand;

“A beautiful name for a beautiful lady” he murmured watching how your pupils dilate. “My name is Fyodor. Would you agree to spend the rest of the evening in my company?”

Walking around with a stranger whom you’ve just met seemed like a ridiculous idea... But you felt safe around him, although his eyes were dark as a bottomless well, you agreed but made a promise to yourself to stay on guard. However, he cast away all your suspicions in just a few hours. 

You became good friends, discussing ancient Myths and modern poetry embarked on philosophical journeys sitting in the dim corner of the library simply enjoying the presence of each other. He even played his cello for you under the mocking bright moon. His words and the depths of thought sometimes caught you off guard however, you were able to track his line of thoughts and in return challenged him with your endless and charming affection. 

Fyodor never learnt what the word love truly meant. He could explain its psychological and physiological effect but never experienced it himself. He was in absolute control over his feelings and that is why he felt confused when you would meet him with a bright, loving smile that changed into a slightly concerned frown when you noticed dark eye-bags on his face. Why did you notice it? Why did you care? Who gave you the power to capture his heart so suddenly and so... wrongly? 

For the first time in a long while, Dostoevsky felt as if he made a dreadful mistake. At first, he thought of you as a pawn. Easy to move and easy to get rid of. But you reminded him of himself... yet you were so much better! Despite your intellect and wittiness, you had a warm, loving heart, that even accepted a demon like him. It all changed when you finally opened up to him about your placement of work. That’s when he realised how forbidden your relationship would be. Soon you would find out anyway about his identity, his goals and... it would wound you. Deeply. 

Soon he stopped coming to the museum where you two would usually meet. You remember that day. You took his favourite tea from the shop and held it in your cold hands while the hot drink burnt your fingers. 

‘He will never come again’

You felt as if you lost a piece of your heart. But you never cried about it and kept all the memories of the mysterious man named Fyodor close to your heart, or rather what was left of your heart. 

But now it all makes sense. The puzzle is complete. You stand in the room full of your colleagues who proceed to glare at you in silent amusement and your heart leapt in ecstasy. The adrenaline rushed through your blood as your cheeks turned red - you felt like the main character of your own story, engaged in a forbidden relationship with the demon himself. 

You didn’t care about the consequences but on entering the Special Prison for the restrained Ability Users, shadows of doubt crept within your heart. 

“Please wait here, ma’am. You sure you want to interrogate him?”

“Yes” 

“In terms of emergency, we won’t be able to assist you immediately... ” 

“I understand”

The heavy door was shut behind you, a metal desk was drilled into the floor and so were the chairs. No windows - just solid rock walls that reminded you of a medieval dungeon, except there were no cracks at all. Finally, you heard footsteps and another door before you was opened. 

“Good afternoon, Fyodor,” you said in a strict tone trying to hide your excitement as much as you could. 

His lilac eyes widened in surprise, thin lips parted as he watched you right there before him. In his head, he tried to process why you came out of your way to see him? Did he not abandon you back then? Did you not realise what a hateful creature he was? 

“(Y/n)... Why are you here?” he questioned curiously. 

You were now completely alone in the interrogation - underground cell. He watched you come closer to him with a soft smile looking with kindness into his soulless eyes... 

“Why, you ask? Because I love you. That is the only concept you failed to fully understand. Monsters have hearts as well, they just need to learn how to love” words fell softly from your rosy lips while Fyodor closed his eyes and chuckled to himself. 

“Talking to you is pure joy (y/n)! Love is the ultimate atonement of all human sins. Even a Devil needs someone to love him at the end of his immortal life...“

“... Angels did fight for Faust’s soul at the end, despite all his reckless deeds” you added referencing the work of a German poet, Goethe. 

Fyodor sighed. He reached his slender cold hand towards you and you grabbed it without hesitation. 

“Will you be... my angel, (y/n)?”

You nodded raising your bright eyes at him. A soft kiss was placed upon your forehead before he hugged you letting you bury your face in his shoulder. You were like a blooming flower in his deadly grip... but he would never hurt you. Ever. 

People say the forbidden fruit is sweet... But is it so for the forbidden love that burns like fire?

 lmao part 2 is gonna be saddddd (if I get the motivation to even write it) 

[1meengreenie]

A Vent/Update

This is kind of a long post, so I’ll be hiding it behind a read more! This is more for me to get things off my chest, so it’s alright if you skip this. I’m doing my best to resume making art, but it’s been difficult, so if you stay tuned, I truly appreciate your patience!

So it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that it’s been quite a while since I’ve made any sort of art on this blog. I figured I should probably provide an update to anyone who is concerned that something has happened to me, considering what the world has been like recently.

tl;dr: I am fine and physically healthy, but not mentally. I will keep trying my best, but I will not make any promises.

Long version: As some of you may be aware, I deal with (professionally diagnosed!) major depression and PTSD (though the PTSD isn’t really a factor here, as far as I know). I have been struggling with this for quite a number of years; if you look up “symptoms of depression,” 95% of those boxes would be checked for me, most notably in this situation “loss of interest in things you enjoy,” “fatigue,” and “persistent sad/anxious/empty feelings.” I tend to have good days and bad days, though it is more common for me to go for a period of time feeling horrible, especially if outside factors have affected me. Of note, I was juggling two jobs throughout March and April, with one of the jobs being so taxing that I eventually had to quit due to the stress it was causing me. I would come home from that job, do work for my other job, then be so mentally-drained that I couldn’t do much more than watch stuff on Youtube or play picross to unwind a bit before I had to go to bed.

Understandably, not drawing for months has affected my ability to draw. There was one point of time that I really wanted to make an effort to make art again, then I was told something that made me feel like a failure of an artist and I completely lost motivation again (I believe they meant well, but I wasn’t in the right mindset to receive criticism). Throughout May I have tried to make different pieces of art, and none of them have lived up to my standards; going two months without drawing makes me feel like I’ve lost YEARS of skill. Am I being too harsh on myself? Likely. Is it really as bad as I’m making it out to be? Probably not, but having been a perfectionist my entire life I just can’t bring myself to show others a finished product that I myself am not completely proud of (for the record, I delete pictures from my hard drive that I’m not happy with, finished or no).

I miss being in middle school and drawing absolutely “cringey” fanart, not having a care in the world what other people thought of it. I miss being able to make art for the sake of fun, not having to worry about notes or likes or retweets or growing an audience. I used to draw absolutely tacky neon-colored Sonic OCs using gel pens and shared them with one online friend. Now it feels like if I post something I spent hours on and get 30 likes (which I interpret as “it’s ok, but not good enough to show anyone”), I failed. How can I make art fun again? It’s easy to say “Just do it, who cares what anyone thinks,” but how do you break down those mental roadblocks that have been built up over years? How can I silence that voice in the back of my head that says “You’re not good enough?”

I used to love making art, but when you have a family that considers it a waste of time and thinks the only “real jobs” are those in the education, business or medical fields, you lose faith in yourself and your dreams. I make art to make others smile. To hear (or read, in most cases) someone say “This is cute!” makes me feel like I accomplished my goal. It is my dream to be able to make a video game that people will enjoy and connect with, and I just hope that one day I’m able to.

I want to draw, I really, truly do, but when I muster the energy to try, there’s a voice telling me “Why bother?” Why do I care so much about what other people think? I can’t even say “I just need to care about what I think” because I’m extremely harsh on myself as it is.

After I post this, I am going to try as best as I can to put an effort into ignoring that criticizing voice and try drawing again. I am going to try to draw things that I want to draw, even if it’s from something people consider unpopular or it’s an OC that only I love and care about. I need to re-teach myself how to draw humanoid characters, and if I have a bit of a learning curve, so what? Everyone starts somewhere.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I haven’t been able to share these thoughts with anyone, and it’s been eating away at me for quite a while (some of it even before this year, honestly). I feel like I can breathe a bit easier. I hope the next time you see a post on my blog, it’s a happy one.

-1MG

[jaywritessmut]

Weiß Chapter I- Business & Pleasure

*Weiß- White in German

Florian Munteanu x black female reader (All my fics are with black women in mind!)

Warnings: mentions of death & drug use, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks!)

Authors note: Sorry this took so long yall! I moved to a completely new state and that came with its own challenges and adjustments. Things have calmed down since but I’m about to start job hunting and house hunting which is exciting but also stressful AF! Pray for me! I apologize for any mistakes!

Word Count: 4.3K

Something about the smell of a hookah lounge drove her wild. The subtle sweetness in the air had always brought her peace, sometimes a bit of arousal. She found it much more tolerable than plain old cigarettes. But then again, cigarettes didn’t come in flavors like Blue Mist or Double Apple. She scanned the drink menu, impressed with the newer selections listed. Of course there were the outrageous names to contend with. Oil Spill? Typical Klaus she pondered. He’d always had an eye for the dramatic and it was one of the things she loved about him. How sad it was that she’d never hear one of his energetic, albeit coke fueled, rants again. She decided to pay homage to her eccentric companion and order one for old times sake. Her usual order of Jäger would have to wait.

The server took her order, fumbling over his pen as he scribbled it down. He was intimidated by her. She radiated authority and confidence. He had no idea who she was  but the level of service she was receiving let him know that she was definitely a VIP. Making a mistake could cost him his job.

He must be new. She smirked at the thought. How cute.

Most everyone here knew who she was. Her table had been closed off and ready for her with her usual selection. Sex on the beach with a deeper freezer hose. They even made sure to put it in a mango just how she liked it. As soon as she stepped her Manholo clad foot out of her pearl white BMW, she’d been escorted into the club. Tamir gave her a salacious grin while he watched her strut into the building. Yeah, he was still hoping for a piece of that. The line of impatient party goers stared on in envy as she was given preferential treatment. But she was the boss. And bosses waited for no one.

She thought about letting loose tonight. Lord knows she needed it. But tonight was all about business. She needed to think. And surprisingly she was able to do just that as the bass from the clubs stereos shook the room. They had a deal, she and Klaus. She provided the money and kept an eye on the financial and legal side of things while Klaus was the face. He managed the club events, payroll, employees, social media presence, you name it. He was good at being the center of attention while she worked behind the scenes. But he also handled the grittier parts of it all. He dealt with the foot soldiers, making sure they were moving product. And then with suppliers to make sure they weren’t getting screwed them over. Turf wars and partnerships were all handled by him. It was a messy arena that Klaus shielded her form. And it made sense.

She was a sheltered daughter of an American diplomat. Her experience growing up in Berlin was quite different from his. While he fought to escape the crime infested slum and shady gangs, she vacationed on glamorous yachts in Malta. As a kid, he’d learned about the proper price to charge for a kilo while she was taught French and art history. They came from two different worlds yet managed to build a successful enterprise together. And now with him gone, she had no idea what to do. Just why the fuck did he have to piss off the Russians?

From across the club, Florian studied her closely in amazement. Annalise Roper in the flesh. ‘Lise’ was what she went by with family and close friends. But to her secret associates, she was Snow, the cocaine queen of Deutschland. He was surprised to see her here tonight. He had had the pleasure of meeting her on only a few occasions but knew that it was rare for her to be at the club. And with the circumstances surrounding Klaus death, he would’ve thought she’d lay low and increase security. But her face was unknown in the underground circles. When rival gangs talked about taking out Snow they were expecting a blonde hair blue eyed type. Not the melanated beauty he was currently admiring. The whole thing was ingenious really.

He watched as she threw back a shot, the club lights reflecting off her deep mocha skin. Her all white ensemble gave her an ethereal appearance, as if she were floating above the crowd. The effect she had on him was evident from the noticeable bulge in his pants. Full luscious lips, sultry bedroom eyes, flawless skin. All of her features drove him wild. And that was just her face. The white midi dress she wore, clung to her curves sinfully almost like a second skin. He knew she worked out. A body like that had to be properly maintained and cared for. And he wanted to explore every inch of it.

Florian adjusted his pants before approaching her. She’d just finish placing another drink order, a Jäger with ginger beer. The already skittish server rushed from her table almost running straight into him. When he glared stoically at the poor kid, he took off faster than before, desperate to get away from the two of them. Her almond shaped eyes gazed at him curiously while she took a pull from the hose. She admired the way his clothes fit on his body. His tailored shirt accentuated his impressive biceps. and the first two buttons were undone, showcasing his signature gold chain. He had style, that was undeniable.

Florian fought the urge to look at her lips but they were too hard to resist. The image of them wrapped around the hose was enough to fuel his already wild imagination.

She let out the smoke she inhaled while maintaining eye contact

“Wusstest du nicht, dass es unhöflich ist zu starren?”

He couldn’t help the smirk that fell upon his lips. Sarcasm was her defense mechanism, but it only made him want her more.

“Ja. Ich bin nur überrascht dich hier zu sehen, Schnee”

Her eyes flashed in anger at his nickname for her. She hated the way it sounded in German. Schnee. It was nowhere near as sexy as Snow.

“Darf ich mich setzen?”

“Wirst du mich nerven?”

He took a seat next to her, ignoring her question. Asshole she thought to herself. But a very sexy asshole nonetheless. The jittery server returned with her drink and skittered off to help the next patron.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He leaned into her, pressing a muscular leg onto her. She’d always been in awe of his large frame, even daydreamed about being pinned underneath him while he did unspeakable things to her body. But she was his boss. And she didn’t fuck her employees.

“I don’t hate you. I’m irritated by you” she went to take a sip of her drink to take the edge off. Whichever bartender made it went heavy on the Jäger . She was grateful for it.

“Why? Because I turn you on?” She almost choked on her drink as he brought his mouth to her ear.

Composing herself, she turned to glare at him. But he remained unfazed by her anger.

“Who said you turn me on? And how do you even know what me being turned on looks like? You’ve never had me to know”

“We could change that tonight.”

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and turned away from him. He was a typical playboy, used to getting what he wanted with a few charming words. But she wasn’t falling for it.

"Don’t be like that. You know you want me”

“And what makes you say that?”

“Basic science. Your pupils dilate whenever I come around. And you think I don’t notice but you look me up and down while biting your lip. It’s really sexy by the way, makes me want to lean forward and nibble it myself”

She crossed her arms in indignation trying to prevent his words from having an affect on her. His eyes wandered low to admire the way her breasts were pushed together.

“You also clench your legs together when I speak to you. Just like you are right now. And if you let me, I can give you the friction you desperately need. All you have to do is say yes”

He softly strummed his finger against her thigh. The sensation made her dizzy and she struggled to compose herself. It had been a while. Her last relationship ended a year ago and the Tinder dates just weren’t cutting it anymore.

Florian leaned closer once more and brought his mouth to her ear.

“Want to bet on how many times I can make you come in one night?”

Her resolve weakened and she closed her eyes as she fought for control of her libido. This was not what she had in mind when she made her way to the club.

Fighting past her bodies screams for release, she sat up straight and scooted away from him.

“Flo, I’m here to think. I can’t be distracted. Not now”

He picked up on the solemn tone of her voice. Maybe he was coming in a little too strong. Her friend was just killed and now she was left with an illegal business that she felt ill equipped to run alone. His attempt at seducing her didn’t really help.

“He cared a lot about you, you know? And he respected the hell out of you”

She nodded as she took another pull from the hose, trying to fight back the tears that would undoubtedly come. Klaus truly was her friend. And because of some stupid deal that she didn’t even want him to take, he was dead. She’d never hear his infectious laugh or be on the receiving end of one of his bear hugs again. A chill ran through her as she blew out a plume of smoke.

“Snow, did you hear me?”

“What?”

“I said, let me take you home. This is the last place you need to be”

“I can’t. I need to be here”

“No you don’t. Elias has the club under control. We’ll figure out the rest ourselves, okay?”

Maybe now wasn’t the right time. She’d always prided herself on being rational and calculated. It was hard to be that way when so many emotions swirled through her heart and mind. Fear being the biggest one. What if this was all going to collapse? What if she was next?

She nodded, focusing on fighting back the unshed tears that blurred her vision. This was not how the night was supposed to go. But it was for the best. The business could wait. Right now she needed a distraction. She handed Florian her keys and let him guide her out the club, ignoring the curious stares that followed. Fuck them she thought. It was none of their business who she took home.

They rode in her car in silence. She was careful who she let drive her baby but she trusted Florian for some strange reason. Occasionally his eyes would wander over to her seat so that he could admire her toned legs. He imagined them wrapped around his waist while he drove into her. Or maybe over his shoulders while he pounded into her. Snow smirked to herself as she caught him staring in the mirror.

“Drei” she blurted out. He turned to her as best he could, a curious look on his face.

“You wanted to bet how many times you can make me come tonight. Die antwort ist drei”  

Surprise registered on his face as he took in what she was saying. She was giving him the green light, and he had no intention of passing up on the offer. Florian drove like a mad man, weaving through traffic with a fierce determination. The sounds of blaring car horns filled the air as he made his way to her apartment. When they finally pulled into the parking space outside, he turned the car off and turned to Snow. The tension in the air was thick and he fought to compose himself.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked

“Since when did you become such a gentleman?”

“I just don’t want you to regret this. If you say yes, I won’t hold back. If you say yes, then I’m going to make it my mission to explore every inch of your luscious body. Willst du das??”

With an unmistakable nod, she gave him the answer he wanted. She gazed into his hazel eyes, and found that his eyes were slowly flickering down to her plump lips. Florian leaned forward to kiss her, relishing in the feel of her soft lip against his. Her brought up a hand to tenderly stroke her cheek, causing her to gasp. He took the opportunity to slip in his tongue, gently coaxing her to deepen the kiss.

Something came over Snow as she unbuckled her seat belt and climbed over to straddle his lap. Without breaking the kiss, he leaned his seat back to give them more space. His hands lowered down to her ass which he held a tight grip on.

He broke the kiss, bringing his lips to the tender spot underneath her ear and began to place open mouth kisses there. The feeling made her head fuzzy with need and she felt her wetness drip from her center.

“Flo” she moaned, rocking her hips against his. She felt the substantial bulge in his jeans and it made her even more desperate for release. He chuckled against her skin before bringing his lips to hers and planting a hot open mouth kiss.

His hands moved strategically over her body, as if he was studying every spot that drew a response. He committed it to memory, trusting that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d get to taste her. He took both her hands in his and pinned them above her head and he continued to kiss her which she returned with fierce determination. The inside of his car began to fill with the sounds of her moans as he slid his hands up her right thigh.

His talented fingers began to glide between her legs. Much to his delight he discovered there were no panties to remove and his fingers found the source of the wetness sliding down her shapely mocha legs.

"Enjoying yourself are we?" he teased as he circled her clit. She moaned and shook, unable to formulate a response.

"Gut" he said as he slipped a finger inside and massaged her g-spot. She shuddered and felt himself hardened as her walls clenched his thick fingers.

He kissed her and continued to massage her inner walls while stroking her clit. The sensation of his mouth devouring her while stroking her most sensitive spot, caused heat to spread through her body. She knew her orgasm was close and she didn’t even care that they hadn’t even made it inside her apartment.

“Fuck, Flo, I’m-”

He pumped his fingers into her, stroking the soft spongy part of her with a wicked speed while coaxing her to her release. With added pressure on her clit, she detonated around him, her warm center tightening around him with a vice grip. He placed soft kisses on her neck, which she exposed to him as she threw her head back in ecstasy.

“That was one” she purred, coming down from her orgasm. She saw the flash of persistence in his eye and immediately knew she was in for a wild night. The gauntlet had been thrown down and he was more than ready to pick it up.

“Let’s get you in the house, jetzt” he growled before crushing his lips to hers.

They stumbled into the foyer of her apartment, a tangled mess of hands and lips. The ride up to her floor was nothing but him pushing her up against the elevator wall and teasing her already sensitive flesh. And right now, with them finally having privacy, she felt a mixture of excitement and fear.

“Where’s your bedroom?” he grunted, pulling his lips from hers.

“Upstairs, second room on the right”

With no effort, Florian picked her up and made his way up the steps. She began teasing him, suckling and nibbling on the soft flesh of his earlobe. His skin broke out in goosebumps making her smile with satisfaction. He made his way to her bedroom and crushed his lips onto hers, slamming the door behind him with his foot. They remained locked in a deep kiss, her legs wrapped around him, grinding on the front of his jeans. He tossed her onto the bed and she fell with a squeal of delight. After giggling and catching her breath she looked up at him.

He couldn't remember wanting anything so badly. He watched as she crawled on her hands and knees to the front of the bed and started to unbuckle his belt. Taking off his shirt, he measured the gorgeousness of her feminine curves as they lay before him. The gentle arch in her back, the slight hourglass form that widened into the luscious, full heart shape of her butt.

He needed to devour her; to put her in the ecstatic trance that drew him like a magnet to her in the first place. He needed to taste this irresistible creature.

She had succeeded in the arduous task of loosening his belt and had her little hand down the front of his boxers grasped gently around his thick member. He saw her eyes widen and her tongue trace across her lips in anticipation. He pushed his jeans to the ground so she could get an easier grip but when she went to take him in his mouth, he stopped her, took her hand off his member and kissed it.

"You first..."

Florian shoved Snow back onto the bed. She tumbled over with a giggle and a sigh as he crawled over the top of her. He teased her swollen clit with the tip of his shaft for a second and felt her shiver at the contact.

He began at her neck kissing slowly and biting gently, savoring her smell and every inch of her flavor. He made his way to her toned belly and grazed his lips over her navel, watching her toned tummy rise and fall as her breathing became more erratic. He positioned his shoulders under her thighs and gazed at her glistening pussy, laid open for him. Kissing the inside of her right thigh, then suckling the inside of her left, he reveled in her scent. It reminded him of citrus and honey.

With a long, flat tongue he tasted her.He groaned in appreciation at how sweet and juicy she tasted. Craving more, he  wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled her closer to his face, burying his mouth in her delicious folds. He could feel her wetness soaking his lips but it only made him more excited. His tongue danced around the sensitive flesh as he responded to her gasps and moans.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop” she begged.

His dick throbbed painfully, wanting in on the action. But this was for her. And he loved making her moan. It was such deep satisfaction to feel the power he had over her. She followed his lead, grinding her hips against the entirety of his mouth, using the friction to get closer and closer to her destination.

He flicked his tongue across her clit in a fluid motion and inserted two eager fingers into her slick center. Her moan rose into a pleasure-filled shriek, he heard her breath come in quicker and knew she was close to her release.

“Fuck!” she cried out, her walls tensing around his fingers as she released once more in a succulent explosion that left his mouth soaking to the bottom of his nose and his hand wet all the way to his wrist. His beard glistened with her juices and it drove him wild to be covered in her scent.

“That was two” he grunted, a sense of pride filling him. He had always been a competitive man and this was one game he was sure to win. She lay sprawled, unable to open her eyes, but with a contented smile on her lips as the waves of her body's aftershock shook her, gently bouncing her breasts. He knew she was more than ready for him.

He quickly stripped her of the rest of her clothing, the white midi dress discarded somewhere on her bedroom floor. He was surprised to discover that in addition to no panties, she’d forgone a bra as well.

“No underwear huh? Well aren’t we nasty” he taunted, as he stroked his dick along her already sensitive clit.

“Shut up and fuck me Florian” she growled, growing impatient. Two orgasms weren’t enough, she wanted more. She needed him to fill her.

He slid his body atop hers, looking deeply into her soulful brown eyes as he sank into her. Her nails dug into his skin as he pulled out before thrusting forward and bottoming out inside her.

He began long, slow, deep strokes wanting her to feel every ridge and vein of his thick cock. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning with every down stroke, perfectly in tune with his pace.

“So fucking wet” he gasped as her felt her soft folds took him in deeper and deeper. He had decided in that moment that this was his favorite place to be. He could spend the rest of his life between her thighs and die a happy man.

Her cheeks flushed as the walls of her pussy tightened around him. She knew he was big from the feel of his bulge in the car but she still gasped in surprise when he filled her up. The way he moved within her drove her wild and she was desperate for more. She hooked her leg around his waist, aching for him to be as close to him as she possibly could.

“Please baby, harder” she urged, wanting to feel him fully unleash on her.  Teasingly, he pulled all the way out until just the head was inside her and paused. She opened her eyes and looked at him pleadingly, biting her lower lip hard. He sank his cock back inside her and paused again, causing her to quiver.

“Fuck Flo, get to it!” she cried, causing something inside of him to snap. He picked up his pace, his hips thrusting in her with a feverish need. She was panting as he fucked her and leaned up to kiss him hungrily. His tongue entered her mouth even as his cock penetrated her, hitting that sweet spot. And with one sudden jerk of his hips, he felt her pussy grip him tightly before exploding all around him.

“Oh my fucking God!” she screamed as her entire body dissolved into the waves of pleasure flowing through her. Florian continued to move inside her, softly stroking her face and hair while whispering sweet words in her ear. She was completely shattered, but the hard cock pulsing inside of her told her that the night was far from over.

“And there’s three. Think you got one more for me baby?” he cooed. Her hooded gaze told him she was spent, but he was determined to win this bet. He knew he could push her past the brink of satisfaction one last time.

He pulled out of her and effortlessly flipped her over, leaving her chest pressed into the mattress. He then led her to the edge of the bed, pullingg her lower body up onto her knees. Standing behind her, Florian pushed her head down to the mattress and rubbed the head of my cock against her dripping wet slit.

With a quick thrust forward, he buried his cock inside her roughly, grabbing onto her hips for leverage.

“Fuck!” they both cried out simultaneously.

Snow arched her back, throwing her head back in ecstasy. He grabbed a handful of her hair and used it to pull her back against him as he slammed his cock into her hard and fast. She moaned wantonly, and he felt the familiar tremor of her walls.

“Are you going to come for me again baby?” he cooed into her ear.

She could barely respond but her body answered for him.

“Hold it liebling” he urged, as he pounded into her fiercely.

Her body shook with every thrust of his hips and she wondered just how she would fend off this impending orgasm. As if it wasn’t hard enough, he wrapped both hands around her neck and began fucking her harder.

Her body had no choice but to surrender to his brutal assault and she wailed into the mattress as she fought to stop herself from coming. His thick cock was buried deep inside of her, relentlessly filling her up and staking its claim over her. And just when she thought she couldn’t hold it any longer, he granted her release.

“Fuck, Snow, come! Come all over this dick!” he growled before emptying inside of her, coating her walls with thick ribbons of his cum. Her last orgasm ripped through her, leaving her a screaming mess underneath him. She had never been more thankful for her penthouse apartment that separated her from the rest of her neighbors.

Florian gently pulled out of her before laying next to her. They laid next to each other, both trying to calm their breathing and make sense of what had just transpired between them.

“So I guess I won the bet” he remarked smugly, while taking in her appearance. Her hair stuck to her forehead, dampened by the thin sheen of sweat that had broken out across her body.

“Shut up” she ragged, still struggling to catch her breath. He couldn’t help the chuckle that broke from his lips and pretty soon, they were both laughing hysterically, their arms and legs tangled together.

“What’s my prize. For exceeding your expectations?”

“The nut you got was enough of a prize” she retorted, her head now gently laid on his toned chest. She lazily drew circles around his pecs, relishing in the feel of his warm skin.

“Fair enough”

“But we do have a more serious issue on our hands now,” she continued. The problems she had at the club were still there and a few orgasms wouldn’t be enough to rid her of them. Florian looked down at her expectantly, waiting for her to explain what she meant.

“I need you to walk me through the business. I want to take over.”

Translations:

Wusstest du nicht, dass es unhöflich ist zu starren?- Didn’t you know that it’s rude to stare?

Ja. Ich bin nur überrascht, dich hier zu sehen, Schnee - Yeah, I’m just surprised to see you here Snow.

Darf ich mich setzen?”- May I sit?

“Wirst du mich nerven?- Are you going to annoy me?

Drei/Die antwort ist drei- Three/ The answer is three

Willst du das?- Do you want this?

Gu- Good

Jetzt-Now

Liebling- Darling

Let me know if you want to be added to a tag list for this story! I hope you like it because I’m so excited to continue writing this!

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

[megastarstrike]

hi it’s me, the motherfucker who has too many ideas about hifumi and yusuke being friends so i wrote another one. but this time, featuring guest artist yutaba.

it’s basically both of them being disasters while hifumi helps him get ready for a date. heres the trash. 

word count: 2360

-

[17:46] Yusuke: Hifumi, I urgently require your assistance.

Well, that was never a good start to a conversation.

Hifumi stopped in the middle of her walk back home from her daily shogi practice at church. She stepped next to a lamppost and squinted at her phone.

Would this be important? Last time he sent a text this ambiguous, it was a poem about him being torn between eating a mushroom he found growing next to the school building and not wanting to risk being poisoned. It ended with her dragging him away from the mushroom and into a grocery store so he could buy real food for once. And while it was fun navigating the stores by riding inside the cart while Yusuke drove it forward, it wasn’t fun ramming into a crowd of people and almost being banned from the store.

Her thumbs danced over the screen of her phone before she finally decided to reply.

[17:48] Hifumi: Please don’t tell me you’re about to eat another questionable plant… [17:48] Yusuke: No, not this time. [17:48] Yusuke: Please come to my dorm as soon as possible. I have a time limit.

And now she was more alarmed because it sounded like he was trying to disarm a bomb. Knowing all the shenanigans he had been pulled into this year, it was impossible to not be worried.

So she texted her mother she would be coming home late and redirected her route to Kosei High School.

-

Yusuke flung the door wide open before Hifumi could even knock on it (she was left sadly, slowly putting her fist down by her side). “Thank goodness you’ve arrived. I have a predicament I couldn’t solve alone.”

Hifumi stepped into the dorm, carefully stepping over an empty bottle of paint. She shut the door behind her and finally allowed herself to take in the disaster that was her best friend.

Firstly, his room was usually immaculate, a feat he had managed to accomplish even with the messy nature of his passion. The sight in front of her, however, looked like a war zone. None of his paintings had been disturbed, but the amount of clutter everywhere was enough to make her worry the school would make him pay for a deep cleaning. On top of that, his closet door was wide open, revealing the utter mess that was inside. Had he really been disabling a bomb and failed to do so before she arrived? It sure seemed like it.

“Yusuke,” Hifumi called, her voice flat as she scanned her surroundings. “Were you robbed?”

“It was nothing of the sort,” Yusuke said hurriedly. “Though you could say I was robbed of my sanity.”

“What happened?”

He averted his eyes, his shoulders tensing. “It… It seems my talent for art does not extend to the fashion world as much as I thought it did.”

Hifumi frowned. Was he embarrassed or sad? Whichever it was, she hated to see him like this. “Nonsense. I’m certain you’ve just overextended your creativity for the day. Allow me to help.” She walked towards the closet, browsing through his clothes and completely unsurprised at his sense of fashion. “What event is this for?”

At that, Yusuke’s entire body tensed. He turned away.

“Yusuke…?”

He spoke after taking a deep breath. “I believe… I’m due for an outing with someone I have a romantic interest in.”

“So a date?”

“... Yes.”

Hifumi blinked. She had pieced together who he had been particularly interested in after she was invited to one of his afterschool activities (which was really just hangout time for the former Phantom Thieves because come on. Being subtle was not their strong point). But for either the other person or Yusuke to finally say something about their feelings…

Well, it seemed her best friend had a date.

Wait. Her best friend had a date!

Hifumi grinned and poked his cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Yusuke. Did you ask Futaba or did she ask you?”

Yusuke tilted his head away from her finger, an annoyed expression crossing his face. “I believe she asked me.” He paused. “How did you know it was Futaba?”

“Neither of you were very subtle about your feelings.”

“... Ah. So I’ve been told.” His gaze moved down to his hand, which was still stained with paint. “I was engaged in a conversation with Ann a few hours earlier and explained my predicament. She asked me what I was going to wear for this date, and I asked if that mattered. She said it did and that she would help me after she finished her shift, but her shift ends after my date begins. The timing wouldn’t work out.”

Hifumi nodded along. “So now I’m here?”

“Apparently so.”

Being the second choice didn’t hurt; Ann was a model experienced with fashion, after all, while Hifumi was just as much of a social recluse as Yusuke was. In all honesty, being invited to make suggestions for something this personal made her heart warm. Was this what normal teenagers did for their friends? Even if it wasn’t, she wouldn’t give this up for anything.

“Allow me a moment to rummage through your closet,” Hifumi said. “For now, you can wash the paint off your hands.”

Yusuke nodded and headed into the bathroom.

Her movements as she shifted through the clothing paused.

Her suggestions were actually being taken seriously? She was being listened to? That was a feeling unlike any other.

Hifumi smiled and hummed to herself, continuing to take inventory of the clothes in the closet.

-

“Yusuke, you have four shirts and two pairs of pants that are the exact same shade of black. How have you survived up until this point?”

“You ask that as if I have a satisfactory answer.”

Hifumi supposed she shouldn’t have expected the person who regularly skipped lunch to buy new paints to have a plethora of clothing, but she certainly didn’t expect his closet to be this sparse. It was almost sad. How often did he have to do laundry?

“Please do not be concerned,” Yusuke said. “Ann promised we would buy a new outfit together later during the week. However, this is what is at my disposal now.”

She sighed and shook her head. There was nothing she could do about his concerning priorities now. Instead, she settled for picking out a light pink shirt with a white outline at the top circling the neck and a brown jacket with an odd, asymmetrical design. “I believe this would suit you nicely. Could you try them on? I’ll even allow you to choose which of your two pairs of pants you want to wear with it.”

“... You’re teasing me.”

“Only a little bit. Now hurry, we don’t have much time left.”

Yusuke took the clothes (and predictably took the shinier pair of pants because of course), thanked her, and stepped into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he called, “I’m fully clothed. You may come in if you’d like.”

Hifumi stepped into the bathroom and stood beside Yusuke, who frowned as he smoothed out some stray wrinkles in his clothes. She stared at their reflections in the mirror. Their small height difference would never cease to amuse her, especially with how tall Yusuke was compared to the other members of his group. But now wasn’t the time for that. “Is this to your liking?”

Yusuke redirected his gaze at the mirror. He looked his figure up and down with a blank expression. “The combination of colors is not off-putting, and it seems to be in line with current fashion standards as I understand them. Thank you for your assistance.”

Oh, thank god. Her lack of any artistic talent whatsoever hadn’t failed her yet.

“I’m glad. However, there are still some things I would like to improve.” Hifumi picked up a comb and began untangling his hair, standing on her toes to reach the top of his head.

His shoulders tensed under her touch, then relaxed. A few seconds later, he leaned into the touch just the slightest bit like a cat who wanted affection but was too prideful to admit it. (Hifumi should know; she had met that cat before.)

It was at times like these Hifumi remembered Yusuke hadn’t been exposed to much physical affection while under Madarame’s supervision. Even teenagers with normal childhoods missed having their hair touched by someone else, and Hifumi still had her hair done by her mother sometimes. How many times had he been deprived of something as basic as this? Anger simmered in her gut, but anger wasn’t the emotion needed here. She stowed it away and was careful to ensure her contact was gentle.

Finally, Hifumi set the comb on the counter and took a step away, smiling at the new shine in Yusuke’s eyes. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Has disaster been averted?”

“Yes, I’d say so,” Yusuke said quietly. His lips curved into a satisfied smile that radiated more light than a star. “You have my gratitude. I’m in your debt.”

Hifumi’s heart warmed. She flicked his cheek and grinned at the resulting side-eye directed at her. “Don’t say that. These are typical actions friends take for each other.”

“Truly?”

“Um… I believe so?”

It wasn’t like either of them could confirm or deny. Both had only entered the realm of friendship just recently, stumbling on various obstacles as they observed others and tried to comprehend what friendship truly entailed. It wasn’t a simple endeavor by any means. Friendship wasn’t anything like shogi; it was illogical, emotional. It was like trying to understand a storm’s motivations. Hifumi had almost given up multiple times trying to piece it together, but in the end…

Well, what could she say other than she was glad to have a friend?

“I suppose you should head out to your date now,” Hifumi said. She took a few steps out of the bathroom before realizing Yusuke wasn’t following. She turned back with furrowed eyebrows. “Are you alright?”

Yusuke’s demeanor was as calm as ever, but throughout her attempts to understand him as a person, she had learned most of his turmoil took place inside. His shoulders and arms were stiff, and he looked frozen in place. A clear indication he was hesitating, if all those body language guides she had read were correct.

“Yusuke?”

“We planned on meeting at Leblanc. Please accompany me there.”

Ah. He was nervous. That much was clear. She saw no reason to decline.

The two departed from the Kosei dorms, and Hifumi continued nitpicking every detail of his appearance. Yusuke eventually recognized most of her comments weren’t serious and gave her an exasperated stare.

Hifumi laughed. It was her god-given right as a friend, after all.

-

“You do have enough money to take her somewhere nice, yes? And for that matter, you most certainly have a plan. Oh, and brush that hair out of your eyes. Shy eyes haven’t been in style since decades ago.”

“You’re enjoying this far more than you should.”

“I’m enjoying this the appropriate amount.”

Yusuke stopped to give her another cold instance of side-eye, his favorite maneuver to pull when he suspected Hifumi was teasing him. The annoyance on his face dissipated upon realizing they had made it to the corner just by Leblanc. They could see the entrance from where they stood.

“I haven’t the slightest idea why I’m feeling this way,” Yusuke said, his eyes trained on the doorway.

Hifumi gave him a sympathetic smile. “Nervous? Anticipatory? I understand. I get the same way before a tournament.”

“This is frustrating. These feelings are a curse.”

“I know you don’t truly feel that way.” She patted him on the shoulder, and some of the tension present faded. “You were focusing on what a human heart contained during your latest study, correct? Now that you have an opportunity to experiment with it, will you allow it to fly past you?”

He glanced down at the floor, digging his shoe into the sidewalk. “No, I suppose not.”

Their conversation was cut short when the bells above Leblanc’s door rang and the door slammed open. Futaba came stumbling out, panic written all over her face. She whirled around back to whoever was still inside the shop.

“Akira!” she shouted. “No friendly fire allowed! I’m banning you from this server!”

“You’ve grinded enough for this mission. You’re locked out of the tutorial area,” Akira replied. That was the only reply he gave before waving and shutting the door.

Ouch. Cold, Akira.

Yusuke’s expression softened into a fond smile. “Those two… They truly do resemble siblings.”

Hm. That reminded her…

She wasn’t done with her job.

“Sorry, Yusuke,” Hifumi said before taking a few steps back.

Yusuke’s eyes widened. “Wait… don’t tell me—”

Hifumi pushed him forward, sending him stumbling into view. It was possibly the rudest thing she had ever done and she wouldn’t have done it to anyone else, but she was certain he would thank her for it later.

“Hifumi! You traitor!” Yusuke yowled. He whirled to round on her, only to freeze upon seeing Futaba giggling. “Oh. Good evening, Futaba. Please stop deriving joy out of my pain.”

Futaba’s laughter only grew louder. “Yeah, but you were so dramatic about it! You were like, ‘You traitor!’ and you looked so pissed. Who wouldn’t laugh at that?”

“A mature person, something you are not.”

Hifumi sighed. Blunt as ever, Yusuke. Never change.

“Please, I’m pretty sure I barely count as a person,” Futaba scoffed. Following that statement, the confidence was drained from her body. She averted her eyes and picked at her fingernails. It seemed she was gathering the courage for—

Oh. She leapt forward and tugged on the sleeve of his coat. “Let’s just… Let’s just get going.”

Yusuke smiled down at her fondly as they walked away together.

Back at the corner nearby Leblanc, Hifumi checked her wallet to ensure she had enough funds before walking towards the cafe. Might as well buy something while she was here.

But her best friend was happy. And seeing that, she was happy as well

[marcoacesabo]

Pizza Pie of My Eye

For the Anon that asked for  “Pizzeria worker Ace who meets businessmen Marco and Sabo”. I’m so sorry I accidentally deleted the ask when I was trying to press edit.  But here I hope you like it.

Under a read more since it got supper long

When Ace was ten years old he marched down the mountain to Foosha Village intending on asking Makino for manner lessons.  He had it all planned out. He would learn how to properly thank people so he could show Red-Hair Shanks the right amount of respect.

After Sabo dying, Ace realize how grateful he was for the pirate saving his little brother. If he hadn't there would be a very big chance Ace would never have met Luffy, leaving him alone when Sabo was no longer with them. That would have been hell.

Luckily he did have his crybaby brother and it was the only thing keeping him sane those few months where he would turn to his left expecting his best friend’s input in the conversation.  And finding it hollowly empty instead of the bright smile with a missing gap. 

He did not expect to find the lovely barkeep- she was so pretty to him. As a child, he thought she was the prettiest person to ever live- over stress with rush hour. She was running back and forth, attempting to take orders, run the bar and cook at the same time. A boat of merchants had stopped at the village port, a common thing seeing the port charge in little Foosha was much less compared to the one in the city. It wasn’t that far of a walk so they park the ships in the little village and carry everything to the bigger market place.

The men upon that ship were much less understanding of her hurried apologies for being understaffed. They wanted their orders quickly,  making snide comments to hurry.  

 Ace and Luffy had jumped in to help, allowing her to cook the food and run the bar while the two boys waited tables. Yes, they did end up breaking more plates then delivering to tables but it was fast paced and a little fun. 

Luffy got the men to lighten up with his cheerful demeanor and Ace was able to weave and wave through the tables. He never thought being in a bar could be fun, but oddly it was.  Sure some of the men made him want to break their faces but balancing the plates while dodging the various merry making keep him on his toes. 

Once rush ended, Makino had taken them to the side. She gave them a bright smile, a warm thank you (causing Ace’s cheeks to burst red) and a nice little sack of coins for the three hours they help.  

That was the first time anyone gave him money willingly. Ace had been struck in place awe of the coins.  Makino had laughed when he looks lost, gently curving his fingers around the bag as Luffy cheered in the background.  

“You deserve this Ace-chan. You worked very hard.”  She said, eyes soft as the boy staring up at her with still the same amount of awe.  “When you work hard you deserve a reward. I’m really proud of you and Luffy’s work.”

That was also the first time anyone ever said they were proud of him.  When put the coins in the new pirate fund- the old one was stolen during the fire by who he didn’t know but it didn’t feel right without Sabo anyway- and oddly enough these few coins made him feel prouder than the stake he is used to taking by force.

Was it really a surprise he kept coming back?  He returns for his lessons and if those lessons happen to happen after he helps around the bar a little, so what? It was fun, in a weird self-satisfying way when they close up and breath a sigh of relief that the day was down.  

Makino kept giving them sacks of money, which Ace eagerly added to their growing fund.  Oh don’t get him wrong, the two keep up their thieving ways and training but whenever they had a chance they would go down and earn some “honest” money. 

It didn’t hurt that she feed them after hours. Her food was heaven, cooked far better than anything the bandits could offer. Then one night, she made them something he never had before.

“Pizza?”  Ace took a look around the kitchen confuse on what he had to.   “What’s that?”

Makino’s face broke into a wide smile  “It’s my favorite food. I don’t usually make it for the bar since it takes so long but I thought you boy would love to try some. I wanted to teach you how to make it so you can have some whenever you like.”  

Pizza Ace learn was the funniest thing in the world. His first attempts to make the dough spin in the air was a disaster but Makino had been patient. She taught them how to make the sauce, the toppings, and the dough throwing was downright art in her capable hands. Another thing Ace was grateful for.  

No one ever attempted to teach him how to cook before. Maybe if they had, Ace would have found a new passion long ago.  He adores it. The way flavors change when adding just a tad different ingredients? The way Luffy’s and Makino’s face lite up whenever he made something yummy? The simple knowledge that something he created brought people joy?  

It wasn’t long before Ace was also helping in the kitchen, regulars getting custom to his dishes and able to tell the difference in who cooked what.  Of course, Makino was no five-star chef, her food was pleasant but not awe-inspiring.  Still Ace found his cooking was just as pleasant following her instructions, and he had always put a hundred percent into everything he found worthwhile. 

Just as his manners improved, so did his cooking. Over the next few years Ace found just as much joy in cooking then he did in sparing. At some point, Makino’s kitchen became his domain and he somehow had a part-time job with her. 

New dishes were added to the menu, little experiments that Ace took the liberty in creating. Makino places them under “Ace’s Dishes” and he glowed every time she arrived with updated menus, his latest creation under that header.

But his absolute favorite was creating a pizza.   

New toppings, new sauces, new combinations. Everything about it was fun. Luffy certainly appreciated being a test dummy for each one too. His pizzas were even bringing in more customers, having heard the praises from varies sailors in the market place.  

Even Garp, in his few visits, took pleasure chewing down on Ace’s famous pizza...after a brutal training of course. 

Before Ace realize it, he was about to be seventeen the year he was to set out to be a pirate, his childhood dream. And he was conflicted. He wanted to set sail...but he didn’t get as excited as he used to about the idea of his pirate life. Instead, it felt like the days were counting down to doom, and he only had a few more months left of enjoying the simple life he set up. Disregarding the training, the hunting and the muggings he and Luffy contuine. Hey, he needed to keep strong plus it was really fun. He did stop dine and dashing, mostly due to knowing just how it was affecting the establishments. Sea knows he would hunt down anyone who dared to bail on the bill they owe him. 

 Makino, stepping up as a mother figure, took notice quickly. She brought it up one night with both boys eating in the bar after hours.

“Ace-chan, do you really want to be a pirate?”  

Luffy stops eating sensing something was different in the way Ace stiffen up.  “Of course I do, Makino. It’s my dream!”

“Dreams change sweetie, and there is nothing wrong with having your interest shifting. I’ve met adults with finished careers that find they rather be something else. People are allowed to change their mind, it’s part of growing.”  She gave him a soft smile watching the oldest of the boys squirm  “I would never stand in the way of your dreams. If you want to be a pirate then do it, but only if you truly want to”

It’s daunting how she can read him sometimes.

Ace opens then closes his mouth. After a moment he glances down at his hands unable to look at either of them. It’s something he been struggling with for a while, these thoughts of what he wanted in life, truly wanted.  “I promise Sabo I set out at seventeen...”

It sounds like an excuse even to Luffy. He frowns  “Does the idea of  being a pirate not make you happy, Ace?”

“Of course! I want to travel, I want to own a ship but I just..”

Makino place a hand over his  “What do you want Ace?”

“I...want to do what you do.” Waving a hand around the room, his voice gets low as if he is ashamed.  “I like the idea of owning a place like this. Of cooking and serving and making money like this. I want...to sell pizza? But I promise Sabo-”

“Ace does what makes Ace happy, otherwise he wouldn’t be free.” Luffy interrupts sounds oddly confident.  “You promise Sabo we be free. Are you going back on that promise?”

“But I want to sail too...”

“Then you can sell on your ship!” His brother chirps unaware how baffling his idea is.  “We can get you a...floating restaurant! One that belongs to you and only sells Ace’s pizza!”

“A floating pizzeria,” Makino says sounding delighted. “Can’t you just imagine it?”

He could. He really could and Ace realize maybe for the first time in his life that this was what he wanted and which he is allowed to choose for himself, even if it’s not the grand life he always inversion. A simple life on the seas doing what he enjoys.

“Do you think Sabo...would forgive me? For not being a pirate?”

“Oh Ace-chan,” Makino says  “There is nothing to forgive. Sabo-chan would think the same”

“Okay,” Ace says feeling tears peak his eyes but being so darn happy at an overwhelming eased mind. Luffy and Makino smile differently in size but equally warm just the same.  

Using the money from the Dream Fund (rename after Luffy insisted it was no longer the Pirate Fund because it would make Ace sad)  he got a startup tiny ship equipped with everything he needed to bake the pizzas.   

And then he set out to sea chasing a new dream, the two waving him goodbye and eagerness bubbles of excitement in his tummy.  

“Come on, I keep hearing about this place. Just one hour tops! Pops wouldn’t care if we are a little delayed!”  Thatch whine tugging on Marco’s arm  “Please Marco, I need to try it.”

Marco took a deep breath through his nose, trying to ease the frustration his brother was causing.  “For the last time. No, we are not stopping in the middle of the New World Sea just so you can try some stupid pizza, yoi.”

“But we finished the mission. It’s not like we are doing anything important!”

“We have to get back. Two commanders missing could prompt someone to attack Pops.”

“Oh come on, no one is stupid to think they can take Pops, just cause we aren’t there.” Throwing his hands in the air his like the overdramatic little twerp he is Thatch whines in a high tone  “You hate me. That’s why you won’t take me. You just hate me!”

In the last ten minutes of this conversation, Marco has felt his blood pressure rise by the tens.  “Fine! If it gets you to shut up we can stop for pizza. But only for an hour, understand?”

Thatch cheers, hip-bumping Marco off the steering wheel and moving the Mini-Moby to the right once his hand closes around the wooden pieces all in a span of seconds. He’s darn lucky Marco has excellent sea legs and didn’t tumble over, otherwise, Thatch would have his foot up his ass.  “Yes of course. Just want to try the secret sauce. I bet it’s got nothing on my veggie pizza”

Marco rolled his eyes  “Figures you’re only doing this for your self-pride”

Thatch gives him a smile full of teeth  “Pirate.”

Well, that’s a good point the blond figures.  He crossed his arms with a huff “Anything else this..what’s the place call again?”

“Spade Pizza” 

“Right, anything else it’s famous for, or am I just going to waste an hour on something dumb?”

“Besides good food and that it's floating on the sea?”  Thatch shrugs a shoulder, attempting studly. Instantly Marco was on guard realizing this was another he was so determined to get him there.  “The owner is really good looking. I’ve heard most of his customers have proclaimed their love to him just as much as his food.”

 “No matchmaking yoi”

“I-I’m not!”

Marco gives him a look that screams he doesn’t believe him but drops it. The two sail for a few minutes, Marco nearly dozing off, when the pizzeria in question finally comes into view. 

It’s big with varies ports built around it for anchoring ships. The thing is painted in hues of red and black, following a theme of playing cards and fire. There seems to be nearly full, but Thatch snatches the last port before a large vessel gets the chance, giving the men on deck a little shit eating grin when they holler in rage.

Marco doesn’t pay much attention if this turns to a fight Thatch can handle it, instead, he is jumping down to tie their ship to the wood and casually strolling to the entrance. When he pushes the wooden door, he’s hit with a delicious smell as varies workers come and go with different types of food. There are groups scattered around the tables, busy enough that it looks like a full house but not a rush that leaves workers scrambling.

The interior follows the same theme as the outside, and Marco is reminded of varies bars, but more promptly it reminds him of bars he would find in the East Blue. So the owner is from there?

Marco stops before a little stand, a sign with the words “Please wait to be seated” on it.

He looks around the room when a teenager rushes at him, wearing an apron around her waist with the restaurant spade logo.  “Hello sir, welcome to Spade Pizza. How many will it be?”

“Two” 

“Okay,” she picks up some menus from her little stand  “I can sit you at the pizza bar or you can wait for a table? It is about a twenty-minute wait.”

“Bar is fine yoi”

She leads him to his seat, weaving and waving around tables of people having a nice lunch. Marco is surprised to find pirates, civilians, and marines alike. This place must be a neutral area, meaning someone strong had to be here to keep it that way. 

He makes a mental note to report it back to Pops. Marco isn’t comfortable with someone so strong so close to their territories nor with such a successful business either.. There is a reason he is in charge of all the business matters for the Moby Dick.

“Here you are. Your server will over in a moment”  She says waving at the two stoles which she places the menus in front of.  It’s right at the edge of the bar, on near the wall and another next to a bright long red-haired man.

“Thank you yoi” She nods and scurries away back to the front. Sitting down Marco in the chair near the wall glances out of the corner of his eye at the obvious wig the man is wearing. Oh, it looks natural but he can spot a disguise a mile away.  Question is why would this stranger be in disguise?

Did he find his mysterious strong enforcer already? 

The man reaches up threading his fingers through his wig-hair almost nervously, smoothing it out with a sigh. He mumbles under his breath but Marco catches it due to his fruit entrancing his hearing  “Okay be cool. Be cool. Sabo be cool. When he comes over, don’t you dare mess it up. Just ask for his den den mushi.”

Sabo huh? Interesting name. Where has Marco heard that-

“Hi, my name is Ace and I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off on any drinks?”  A   voice interrupts his thoughts. Marco looks away from the man who is turning a rosy shade to look at the owner of the voice-

And he promptly almost gets headed shotted by cupid. There is a version of a man standing on the other side of the bar. He is wearing the apron but no shirt showing off abs that could wash any clothes. An orange cowboy hat sits on soft looking raven locks, and the wavy hair falls on a face dotted with freckles.  “I ugh..wah?”

Ace luckily seems to think he can’t hear him over the noise and leans over the bar just a bit  “I said my name is Ace and I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off on any drinks?”

“One cola and a sweet tea” He manages to say after gaping at the man. “I’m waiting on someone” 

Ace nods “Coming right up.”

He turns to leave but his eyes catch the other man and he lights up  “Tobi! It’s been a while!”

“Tobi” or Sabo in disguises straightens, face redder than before  “Hey Ace. Yeah I had a lot of jobs recently but I thought I drop in”

“No kidding. How did that business deal go? Did you get what your boss wanted?”  

“Yes. I was able to find what he was looking for.”

“That’s great! I’m really happy for you. Oh hey, I saw a hair piece I thought you might like the other day so I bought it for you. Remind me to give it to you before you leave.”

Sabo looks like someone just gifted him the world, fingers playing with his hair.  “You didn’t have to do that Ace.”

“Course I did. Hair as pretty as yours needs to have the proper accessories.”  

Marco doesn’t know why but he doesn’t quite like the way Sabo is leaning towards Ace. He scowls at the long hair wig.  You’re not even real. You can’t be pretty.

Ace eventually stop chatting with Tobi-Sabo, walking away to get Marco’s drinks while Sabo is left staring at him longingly. Then quite suddenly the red-haired turns to glare at Marco and it’s a silent challenge.

Love rival  Those blue eyes say 

Bring it on  Marco’s own answer.

By the time Thatch joins them Marco is in a new found love and a newfound hatred. 

[contextualstudieslorena]

Interviewing Emma Quick on Taxidermy

Have you ever been interviewed?

Erm, yeah actually few times now for some bands that I used to play (guitar and bass) in and also for a taxidermy magazine... that doesn't make this any easier though. I definitely prefer the role of the interviewer, although this is my first time doing that!

Have you ever given an interview before?

What/Who got you into Taxidermy?

Well I have to say that my magic 8 ball never saw this ever being something that I would do as a job once 'grown-up' but like mosty people who get into it, I've always been fasinated by Taxidermy since I was a kid. I think that interest stems back to a local Bradford museum that my mum used to take me to when little, which had a big glass display full of all sorts of native animals. That question of 'how did they get in there' really stayed with me. I didn't have a clue! I had been working a pretty serious and well paid corporate job up until about 5 years ago but thanks to an major extitenial crisis, I deciced to leave the industry, go travelling (again) and try and find a more creative path for myself once back. I booked myself in for a taxidermy day course thinking it would be nothing more than a small distraction and an opportuinity to learn but I got on so well with the two women running the course that they asked me to come back and be a part time apprentice for them. Everything just sort of took off from there.

What are your family’s/friends opinions on Taxidermy?

My family are all very supportive as are my friends but I did have a few people asking me when I would get a 'proper job' again during the first couple of years. People views on taxidermy can be quite polarised and the problem with that can be that people just don't know enough about the process or how things are procured. The main difference between a friend and an angry finger-pointing stranger is usual just that they are more comfortable to ask questions and find out more. Believe me, I had a steep learning curve there myself and a lot of moral questions around it but realising it's no longer just all men out shooting for throphies and now largerly a female based craft using only natural death and bi-products makes a big difference, for a start.

How do you think Taxidermy changes the world, what idea would you like to bring when you do it?

I don't think I would say it changes the world now but I think it's fair to say it did. I have very strong feeling against early traditional taxidermy as the animals were nearly always hunted and killed for purpose which just makes me so sad and angry but I guess I can see some ductional value in what the Victorians were trying to do in term of documenting natural history.

What are the good and bad things about Taxidermy?

The good is taking something that would usually be throw in the bin, incinerated or just rot away and making it into something that someone will love for years to come. The bad is the awful history of early taxidermy and the few people who still see it as ok to hunt in order to mount their animals (I'm looking at you, America).

What is your opinion on people who hunt animals with the purpose of Taxidermy?

Oh my god, well if you can't tell already... these people absolutely disgust me. Thankfully it very rare that I come into contact with them. My biggest consideration around what I work on is around trusted supply - nearly everything I use comes from registered conversationalist, animal sanctuaries and vets, and the rest is either found or brought in by my cats/friend's cats. I was very careful to seek out and interogate any contacts I was put in touch to ensure any animal I work on is from unavoidable death. I don't pay anyone for animals, only the postage costs so I can be sure there are no gains to be made from their death. This doesn't stop the odd person offering me something for money that I can feel in my bones has been killed, or the odd yank making some comment on my instagram thinking i'm down with hunting too. Blocked!

How do you think Taxidermy impacts the way people see animals?

I'm not sure about that but it definitely did make me see animals, and even humans in quite a new light. Learning about anatomy first-hand was so interesting to me and you really do start to look and see bodies differently once you get into that. We all seem a little more fragile now than we did before.

How do people's opinions on Taxidermy affect you?

Hmm, this is a tricky one for me. I'm naturally very sensitive and empathic by nature so I don't like to see anyone upset by what I do. I also totally understand that without delving into the subject and learning about the more modern side of the craft, that I expected most people to have some issues with it. I've had a few people contact me through my shop to tell me how evil I am and that i'll burn in hell etc etc (also, usually American) but I never retaliate with negativity. On the few occasions this has happened I have taken the time to write back and explain a little about how I obtain my animals and to my surprise, nearly all of them came back later to thank me for 'opening their eyes' and explaining. A couple even offered to buy something after! You can't write this stuff! I'd much rather people fire questions at me than get angry because they don't understand how it's all done or what my ethics are.

What, in your opinion, makes a good Taxidermist?

Someone who sincerely cares about animal protection and conversation.

What is your own opinion on people who stuff their own animals?

Have you ever had a bad experience with Taxidermying an animal?

Well I get them in all sorts of states, sometimes in terrible conditions. ie: Nearly every fox i've ever received has been hit by a car (bloody humans again!) or too far gone re decay. I never really get over the feeling of sadness if something is too rotten to work on but on the otherhand, i've managed to restore so many animals to their former glory that it sort of makes up for it, it's such an amazing and emotional feeling to bring something 'back'.

Do you feel a certain weight/responsibility when Taxidermying?

Always. Everytime I receive and work on something. This is the most important part of taxidermy for me. It also matters who my customers are and if they share the same ethical beliefs. I've found that nearly all of them do too.

How does the pandemic affect you as a Taxidermist? #

Yeah, it's been a struggle as most of what I receive is found so less people walking, less supply. I've really noticed an increase in people trying it out over this past year though - i guess the pandemic has been a good time for hobbiests.

Is there something that you would like people to know about Taxidermy?

I guess what I didn't realise is how much emotional attachment people make to the finished pieces. If i'm having a bad day I might take a look at some of my reviews as customers really do gush over what i've sent out and am bowled over about how much love there is for them. I often get people's life stories when working commisions and found that people don't see them as just a dead animal. They can hold all sorts of emtional ties to lost pets and lost loved ones and other such things. I'm often asked to make memorial pieces, or something that marks a certain stage in their lives. I couldn't have continued doing this if i just thought they were seen a a cool 'prop' for the mantlepiece.

Also, that it's really not as bloody, smelly or dirty as you might think (if you are any good, that is).

What are some stereotypes about Taxidermy that upset you?

Ha, there is no such thing as a positive taxidermy sterotype in film and tv tropes. We are always the murderers and phsycos! God i could list off a hundred films which include a sinsiter blood-splattered taxidermist with evil intent, and i'm sure some do exist but in real life, try and get to know us and you'll generally find good-hearted people. I won't say this upsets me because again, I understand how the craft is perceived and plus, I have a pretty dark sense of humour so it's easy enough to laugh this kind of thing off.

Have you always been interested in animals?

Yeah I've been a real nature girl ever since I can remember, certainly my first and last love. I'm definitely one of those weirdos who prefers animals to people and have had loads of different pets around the home throughout my childhood - Dogs (dog i love dogs!), cats, mice, gerbils, rabbits, ferrets and snakes to name just a few. My sister and I were brought up to love and care for creatures as much as my mum does - she is bascially like Ms Doo-little, taking in strays and injured animals and making sure they find homes and the treatment they need. It made me chuckle to myself reading Lorena's answers as very simiarly, me and my sis were young members of all sorts of wildlife groups when we were little and were always reading some sort of wildlife encycolpedia or heading off to the woods while our mates were more interested in mum's lipstick etc.

Was it hard for you to be interested in such a different form of art when it comes to finding materials to use?

Are there any Tv shows/artists/documentaries, etc that you recommend people watch to learn more about Taxidermy?

Erm, yeah this can be hard given how we taxidermist are perceived but I am starting to see a few documentaries pop up about modern day practices which is a welcomed change. I remember the bad film portrayals better than the few doc but i think even Netflix has one film called 'Stuffed' on it currently which does help provide a more realitic view of the craft.

Why do you think a lot of people see Taxidermy in a negative way?

What would you tell someone if they want to start practising Taxidermy?

That there is so much to learn and you'll never really stop learning. It's a difficult thing to do right and does take years of practice. I've spoken to people who have done it for over 30 years who still consider themselves as ameatures. My main tip would be to ensure your supply is a clean one and you are not adding any more unneccessary pain to the world.

What is something you would like to tell people about Taxidermy (a random fact or just a curiosity)

I once read that taxidermy started because of the Platypus. The explorers who found it did not believe it was a real animal and that someone had artifically created it so they disected one and sent it back to scientists to validate the strange (and very lovely little) creature, or so the story goes....

Please add here any additional information or commentaries that you find that are interesting to people who aren’t very familiar with Taxidermy.

[catalinacimpoesu]

Self-love-design-time-machine

Have you ever wondered if design and art can change you in any way trough time? Can they boost your confidence and discover some of your mysterious sides?

Looking through my older Tumblr account while spontaneously listening to some old songs I used to listen around six years ago, I was pleasantly surprised about how much my mind and behaviour changed because of all experiences I had been through on my own, during this time (Roux, 2017). Furthermore, many parts of my personality remained identical because they were the ones making myself unique in this world.

In comparison with the person I used to be back then, the only way I have made improvements to my weaknesses was through understanding and exploring art. 

The teenage years are undoubtedly the most controversial ones and every adolescent is discovering himself in a different manner. During that timeframe in your life, you begin to understand some hereditary traits about your temperament that will eventually drag you down and name your decision-making mechanism your biggest enemy (Rothbart, 2016). After years, teens will recall those traits had a more profound reason for existing and they are maybe based on some childhood events.

Leaving this discussion aside, my biggest realisation is represented by the fact that at this point in my life I am dealing better with “self-love” and the difference is quite visible in everything I currently do. As an introvert, this chapter I had to wait many years until it started seeing the outside light. The thing that helped me the most was design: getting inspiration from it and realising I was not alone in many of my daily struggles.

I have recently tried practising meditation “to tame” my thoughts and focus on my inner-self more, to gradually become social-affective and social-cognitive (Trautwein et. al, 2020). Although, what helped me more were the posts exposed on social media. The examples are endless (Here, here or here) and only by using the keyword “self-love” a variety of projects around the world will appear, at the first click.

Graphic design changed my attitude: from being sad most of the times and complain about how I behave, feel or do things, I started asking questions, thinking twice, simply imagine and try to defend boundaries. Moreover, I started to think about solutions and do the opposite in many of the negative scenarios (Brewer, T. 2020). Expanding your horizon is essential in creating art and when it comes to your own mind. Both art and actions require contemplation, but either way people need to treat everything with a pinch of salt. Being critical with yourself can be a huge advantage, while you are capable of understanding when to stop it and start to improve through actions.

In design, there are no borders when it comes to creativity and usually, artists are trying to break the stereotypes already created by the previous generations, in order to fully express their thoughts, regardless of what people are thinking. This simple ritual is life-changing and when a person is truly starting to understand its meaning, something in his mind just clicks and never goes back.

Design also addresses to love your body, in extension to the mind and make them synchronising their evolution. Design is not defined by any particular shapes and it gives everyone permission to fully express themselves without following a patterns. Only by learning to embrace every curve, straight line, existing contrast and colour people start breaking presuppositions. The freedom of speech created by art counterbalance the old-fashioned patterns aiming perfection, by exposing everything as being already perfect.

My judgement is that perfection is a relative term, such as beauty. Self-love is not only about stressing over reaching a goal, either material or educational but by taking what you were born with and shaping it to its greatest form by learning through mistakes and always being supportive and curious about the next step.

Kids, for example, are not yet defined by any social preferences as they tend to make their choices based on their instincts (I am only referring to personal preferences such as their appearance, style, way of living and sexuality). When they grow and find out something is "bad" because society states that, their perception is becoming narrower and forced to follow an imaginary pattern.

Emotions and disorders such as anxiety, panic attacks or fear created due to social barriers cannot be cured in a short time but they can become clearer through graphic design, illustration and art in general. Usually solving an inconvenience is done by facing the problem, but in such psychological issues, art helps to contemplate and gives a widen battlefield to work in.

In order to put the theory in practice I have tried to create some artworks based on a personal photography session, that can be seen and analysed below.

To conclude, after reading the peer-reviewed sources based on this sensitive subject the only piece of advice people should bear in mind is “Less judgement and more self-love.”

Self-love- part one (Cimpoesu, 2020)

Self-love- part two (Cimpoesu, 2020)

Self-love- part three (Cimpoesu, 2020)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brewer, T. (2020) "Self‐Love and Its Forms", Journal of applied philosophy. (Online) vol. 37, no. 1, pp. 39-43. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1111/japp.12402 [Accessed: 11th December 2020]

Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) Self-love in 3 parts. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/CIq_4wajnTK/ [Accessed: 11th December 2020]

Rothbart, M.K. (2016) "Temperament, Development, and Personality", Current directions in psychological science : a journal of the American Psychological Society, (Online) vol. 16, no. 4, pp. 207-212.Available from: https://doi-org.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00505.x [Accessed: 11th December 2020]

Roux, C. (2017) Self-Love, be Intentional. TED Talks (Online Video) Available from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCNOJmmHLkQ [Accessed: 11th December 2020]

Trautwein, F., Kanske, P., Böckler, A. & Singer, T. (2020) "Differential benefits of mental training types for attention, compassion, and theory of mind", Cognition. (Online) vol. 194, p. 104039. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2019.104039 [Accessed: 11th December 2020]

[jeremystrele]

Artist Maggie May & Musician Josh Kelly Are Parenting And Running A Business Through COVID And Cancer

Artist Maggie May & Musician Josh Kelly Are Parenting And Running A Business Through COVID And Cancer

Family

Ashe Davenport

Maggie May and Josh Kelly run Think Thornbury, a gift store and creative space on High Street in Thornbury. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Josh with baby Remy at Think Thornbury. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie putting her special touch on the Think Thornbury space. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Little Remy with Maggie. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie and Josh have been running Think Thornbury together, juggling Maggie’s art practice and Josh’s music career. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie, Remy and Josh outside Think Thornbury. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Josh at home, just after Maggie cut his hair. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie cutting Josh’s hair at home, before starting chemotherapy. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie using the special shaver she and Josh bought for this specific purpose. Photo – Bobby Clark.

Josh, who looks REMARKABLY handsome with a shaved head! Photo – Bobby Clark.

Maggie and Josh are surprisingly upbeat. We’re chatting over Zoom, as is customary for most Melbourne interviews in the year 2020. They’re lying on their bed sharing a green juice. Behind them is a bedhead covered in soft, daisy printed fabric, like a garden from a daydream. Maggie, aka renowned macramé artist Middle Aisle, is effortlessly chic in a pale yellow jumper and slightly oversized glasses. Josh, saxophonist for bands 30/70 and JK Group, looks like he’s always had a shaved head. He doesn’t look like a sick person. 

Josh was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease five weeks ago. He’s just completed his first week of chemotherapy. His doctor has predicted another six months of treatment, followed by radiation, if necessary. During that time, he and Maggie will continue to parent their one-and-a-half-year-old son Remy, and try to keep the business going. 

Maggie and Josh began Think Thornbury as a space for local creatives, to sell their wares and hone their crafts. It has since grown into a passionate and dedicated community. When Maggie shared Josh’s diagnosis on Instagram, they were overwhelmed with support. A GoFundMe set up on Josh’s behalf raised $27,000 in just 24 hours (and now sits at over $50,000).

This isn’t the first time they’ve been challenged as a couple. In fact, they’ve been through the wringer. Maggie is only just recovering from severe postnatal depression, which she chats about with bracing honesty. They share their wonderful experiences, the harrowing ones and everything in between as a way to strengthen their ties with the world around them. Cancer, it seems, is no exception. 

Below is an edited and condensed version of our chat. 

Trigger warning : This interview contains talk of suicidal thoughts and postnatal depression.

How are you guys sharing the parenting load at the moment?

Josh Kelly: Cancer’s really flipped it.

Maggie May: Yeah. It’s put a lot of…

JK: … pressure back onto you.

MM: Yeah.

JK: We had some really frank discussions in the early days of parenthood. I thought I was being a good co-parent, but came to realise I had a fairly patriarchal gaze. There were so many things I didn’t notice Maggie was doing. She helped me see that, and we were able to figure it out. And my diagnosis has flipped it again. The doctors are like, you can’t change nappies, you can’t hold Remy when he comes back from daycare. I’m that immunocompromised. It’s put all the parenting straight back onto Maggie. I’m in bed a lot. And she’s like, making me smoothies. It’s a pretty big mental shift to be taken care of in this way.

MM: Historically, you’re the one who takes care of me. I’m the one that falls into a puddle. Not that I’m completely useless, but pregnancy was particularly hard. I had Hyperemesis.

Is that when you throw up all the time?

MM: Yeah. I had no close friends who had been pregnant, so I had no gauge for what morning sickness was. I was throwing up 20 times a day. And Josh was on tour in the UK. He got home and was like, Nah, you’re fucked mate. I’m taking you to the hospital. It was another eight months of it from there. I was still working. I still taught five star reviewed macramé workshops!

JK: You were spewing five seconds before people came upstairs.

MM: (laughing) I’d say, I’m just going to pop downstairs for a moment! Then I’d go down to the bathroom, be horrifically ill, and come back up like nothing had happened.

That sounds intense. And Maggie, you didn’t have the easiest road when Remy arrived either, right?

MM: Yeah. Particularly at the start of the year. I didn’t want to be here anymore. Postnatal depression was the pits. I had a massive breakdown.

JK: It was big.

I’m so sorry you went through that. This is the year from hell. Are you guys okay?

JK: We were talking about this last night. So, it’s Jewish New Year at the moment, right? We were saying how we’ve come through some pretty serious challenges: Maggie’s depression being as bad as it’s ever been, having a baby, having significant financial pressure, having COVID happen to our business and now me having cancer, and I feel like we’re almost starting to steer the ship around, in a weird way. There are a few things we’ve done differently in the past few months that have made a big difference. 

MM: Putting Remy in childcare helped a lot. I think I tied a lot of my parenting self-worth to how much time I spent with him. I wanted more time with my parents growing up. I still do. But that’s just not who they are as people. I used to think that if I could always be there for Remy, that would mean I was doing a really good job. But since he’s been in childcare, I’ve felt lighter. It’s taken a lot of pressure off.

How much did you know about your diagnosis, Josh? Were you starting from zero?

JK: Pretty much zero. I knew what most people in Australia would know about cancer. I’ve known a few people who have been affected, but not the nuts and bolts of it. The day-to-day grind of it. Then when you factor in that there are thousands of different kinds of cancer and sub-types of cancers, and they all have slightly different treatments and slightly different chemotherapies. And every patient reacts differently. There’s a lot of unknown. But nothing beats reality. No amount of information is going to tell me everything I need to know. I need to experience things. That’s how I learn. This first week of chemo has been a big learning curve.

What does it feel like?  

JK: It’s like the worst hangover ever. Times a million. You can take all this stuff to moderate the nausea, but you just feel completely fatigued. You do feel like you’re dying inside. It’s probably not a good word to use. I had three days of chemo in a row this week. Monday was the biggest day, which is when I took the most drugs, and that fucked me up until Wednesday night.

MM: It was like going to a really bad festival.

JK: Yeah. I started feeling okay, then really sick again on Thursday. I have to take a cocktail of pills, too, which wipes me out. I’ve felt a little bit better each day since. I’m still pretty out of it, but I’m feeling okay.

MM: Yeah, you’re doing way better today.

(They exchange a brief reassuring look. Suddenly they’re upsettingly young. I want to tell them how brave they are. And how proud of them I am. I remind myself to cool it).

Have you found any resources particularly helpful? Any books or movies that you’re relating to right now?

MM: Cancer movies are so sad. There are none that come to mind. Actually, there’s one movie I keep thinking about. In the Wizard of Oz when they go through the forest and Scarecrow says, “I think it’ll get darker before it gets lighter.” I just keep coming back to that and feeling it in my body and soul. It all comes back to The Wizard of Oz.

What else even is there? Ugh. You guys have a great attitude.

MM: Thanks. It doesn’t mean we don’t have moments when we really struggle. There are definitely times when I’m like: NO! What for? Why us? 

JK: Friends were messaging me the night before my first round of chemo, asking me how I was feeling, and whether I was scared or nervous. I was both those things, but I was also excited. I could dwell on how awful the side effects were going to be, or how lucky I was to be able to access treatment. And the fact that it was going to help me. 

MM: The morning of his first treatment I cuddled him in bed and he said, ‘Today’s the day we get better.’

Family Favourites

Date night in?

Cook an extravagant meal (the kind where you buy specialty ingredients from Casa Iberica), delicious bottle of wine, altogether too much cheese, pick different records for each other, try and have a conversation not about Think Thornbury or Remy.

Rainy day activity?

Find some puddles to jump in the Darebin parklands together. Build train tracks around the living room whilst listening to music and drinking hot chocolate. Later on we watch a movie.

Favourite cafe?

Oh Gosh, we’re spoilt for choice in Thornbury… Josh says Everyday Coffee in Collingwood (scandal!) and Maggie is indecisive which is just so typical, but agrees Everyday Coffee is excellent.

Honestly though, all the local cafes here in Thornbury & Northcote are excellent and they have been so supportive of us. We love them all equally and can’t wait till they’re all open again.

Go-to album?

This is hard for us. We have literally 300 records. You should come see us DJ when COVID lets us do it again. 

A Love Supreme by John Coltrane/ Mama’s Gun by Erykah Badu

Weekend getaway (remember those)?

We like to try and get away to some kind of secluded cabin surrounded by trees, where there is quiet and the chance for us to be a little introspective and plan our next insane venture together. Preferably with a fireplace and a very comfortable place to sit. We also go for walks and point out all the animals and trees for Remy. 

Follow Maggie May, Josh, and Think Thornbury to keep up with this remarkable young family’s journey. And you can support them during this difficult time, via their GoFundMe campaign here.

[malignedaffairs]

I have a little question for you... I started university 7 months ago. I thought I would still be able to make a little time to draw. However, I just cannot. I feel tired all the time and I haven't even found my first job. So my question is... How did you cope with this in your university time?

In my case, my study conditions made university an easy time for drawing. But I had a hellish first year on the job and at some points I wondered if I could keep it up, so I think I understand your situation.

I wrote a long-ass reply, here you go :)

When I started drawing again it was after a serious breakup, and even today drawing still functions as a coping mechanism for my complicated feelings towards romantic relationships. It’s like all the art fills a void, my life would be poorer without it. So I’d say the most important aspect is that your drawings are connected to your own central issues and needs! What attracts you? What makes you sad, happy, angry? Where are your dark sides? It’s something worth finding out. And try to accept everything that comes up, as childish or petty as it may seem. If I could have chosen what should have been the thing to really affect me emotionally, it certainly wouldn’t have been Naruto. And yet there I suddenly was, crying rivers about the Uchiha brothers.

A second thing that’s really helpful is to make it a point not to pressure yourself too much. I tell myself that it’s just not important to deliver something good every time. Why did I not choose drawing as a career? Because that gives me the freedom to relax about the quality. When I don’t have the energy to colour (like almost never :D) or do refined linework, I’ll make a half-assed sketch. When I can’t think of a novel concept I’ll just draw the 10237487th kiss because I enjoy drawing kisses. I’ll put that shit up on tumblr even if I’m not 100% convinced. Someone will like it and that’s a big motivation. And most of the time, looking at a “bad” drawing after a good night’s sleep will make you notice that there are parts in that picture that have turned out not quite so bad! The learning curve is very steep!

I also begin every new comic knowing that I might lose interest in the process and stop drawing it. I’ve seen many great artists and writers in the fandom become inactive and it always felt terrible and I’d hate to become one of them and make people as sad as I’ve been. But if I’d let this stop me, I’d still not have started a single doujinshi. An unfinished work can still be important for something I might do afterwards. So I give myself permission to be unreliable. At the same time, I keep my projects manageable. That seems to work.

And lastly, it can be hard to sit down and draw when you’ve already spent most of your day at uni/work sitting, straining your eyes and concentrating. Drawing for hours is exhausting for your body, so to be able to keep up a hobby like this, it’s also important to exercise regularly. Even so, I usually need to reserve a free day for drawing since I’m just too tense after a regular day at work!

I hope I could help you a little. But even if you stop drawing for now, I’m convinced it will come back to you when you need itl. Maybe it turns out that something else is just more urgent in your life right now, and that’s okay too!

[general-du-vallon]

Okie dokie, a long post about Commodities. This is not rigorous scholarship, history is not my field, I knew nothing about this subject before, really. It’s just a quick google. So, without further ado. 

“Well, there was this one time I dropped anchor near a small island called Gorée…”

Gorée Island is a small island off the coast of Senegal which played a part in the transatlantic slave trade. The House of Slaves and the Door of No Return, now a museum and UNESCO World Heritage Site, was built in the 18th century. There are so many different estimations of how many people passed through Gorée and different analyses on how important it was to the trade. However, it is important now, and now is when the series was made. It’s a name that carries connotations of not only the lives directly affected by the slave trade then but the continuing repercussions that we’re still seeing and still understanding. There’s an annual festival, “a way to use art and culture to remember [the sad page in history] and to unite the island's diaspora… it is not enough to remember the past, but that it must be used to build a better future in which communities can grow closer to eliminate all forms of discrimination”, (Augustin Senghor, the mayor of Gorée Island, speaking in 2010 about the festival). The Facebook page for the festival says

“Le Gorée Diaspora Festival est un ciment fédérateur entre la Communauté Sénégalaise à travers Gorée et l’ensemble des visages et voix de la diaspora Africaine s’engageant à « rectifier voire inverser les conséquences négatives de l’esclavage et du lourd tribu payé par le continent noir et ses enfants sous le vocable de Renaissance Africaine qui englobe la notion de Développement que l’Afrique n’a pu connaître du fait, justement, de l’esclavage”

I don’t speak French but I can translate a little… the Gorée Diaspora festival is… something about unifying the Senegalese communities through different voices…. Something about reversing and counteracting the consequences of the slave trade, something about a heavy tribute (price?) paid by the ‘children’ of the continent and the diaspora, and includes ideas about the development that Africa could not know because of the slave trade. My dudes, je ne parle pas Francais, so do correct me or translate better.

The Gorée Institute promotes culture and arts in Africa and in 2015 (I think) they ran a poetry residency on the island that aimed “to reignite a literary tradition that has begun to fade, and to help promote arts, culture, and freedom of expression as intrinsically effective methods of fostering open societies in the region”

 How to Fall in Love with an African City

by Gbenga Adesina, a 24-year-old poet from Nigeria

 In time, you too will come to learn dear friend, the soft rustle,

Soft whoosh of affection for a city like a lover like a love song: Nairobi, Abuja, Dakar

throbbing in your ribs: Accra, Harare, Port Novo, carving a place for themselves, to nestle

In spite of yourself in the jar

of things you call loved.

 I know eyes have their own memories and fears

and you come here seeking only the darkness you’ve been

promised. But come again to Abidjan friend, come to Yamoussoukro, come

to Kigali, to Luanda, to Lagos, where the city vowels sing to you, sing to you.

Sidewalks that are nations on their own. Yellow buses that write you into a story

Wi-Fi spots and shopping malls and smiles that warm your arms and strangers that become

friends in an instant. Grilled meats that introduce your tongue to you.

 In time, you too will come to learn dear friend, the soft rustle, soft

Whoosh of affection for a city like a lover like a love song: Nairobi, Abuja, Kigali,

Dakar throbbing in your ribs. What it means for a city to hold you by the hands

and love you and lead you to places you’ve never been inside yourself

again and again at the junction of laughter.

  Ok. So, these are a few facts I’ve come up with after a quick Google around, and a few things that are coming out of Gorée today. Back to the series, Bonnaire name drops an island that would have already been involved in the slave trade in the 17th century. The thing about the transatlantic trade was that even when not trading people, trade was deeply involved in slaving. The transatlantic triangle meant that cargo was being shipped to pay for slaves and nurture ties in Africa and supply the colonial settlements, a cargo of people was then shipped to the Americas, then the produce of the Americas was shipped to Europe. Paul Munier, as a trader, was as implicated in the trade as Bonnaire, just a different side of the triangle. His cargo might not have been people, but it would have been from the Americas and in all probability produced by the people taken on Bonnaire’s slave ships. The name-drop, then, is suggestive of the slave trade and brings up a whole host of connotations and connections.

I suppose it was probably put in to suggest to an audience that Bonnaire is a slaver, as a ‘clue’. I think it works beyond that, though. It is also, because of what the island is now, suggestive of a diaspora, and the series brings in Samara, and Porthos, people who are perhaps part of a diaspora (I am not naming Sylvie because her story never brushes on her… what is it Bonnaire calls it? Ah. Here we go: “ancestry”). I don’t know what else is within that allusion, probably many things, but I just wanted to pick up the casual reference and think about it.

http://www.aaregistry.org/historic_events/view/goree-island-home-door-no-return (basic info about the island from an American site. I looked at a lot of sources but this seems the most straightforward)

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/19/world/africa/19ndiaye.html (an article about Boubacar Joseph Ndiaye, curator of the House of Slaves, from 2009 after he died)

https://www.voanews.com/a/goree-island-festival-celebrates-african-diversity-107230813/130315.html (quote from Augustin Senghor)

https://www.facebook.com/pg/GoreeDiasporaFestival/about/?ref=page_internal (facebook ‘about’ page)

www.goreeinstitut.org (Gorée Institure’s page, in French)

https://afrolegends.com/2016/07/27/reclaiming-african-history-goree-and-the-slave-trade-in-senegal/ (another page about Gorée and reclamation)

 “A calabash. Grows all over West Africa.”

I just want to quickly pick up on this allusion, mostly because it is used to make musical instruments and you know, I like music. So. I’m just gonna share a couple of things I found. The first is a page from RCIP-CHIN [a Canadian… it’s in French again, CHIN stands for Canadian Heritage Information Network, it’s a heritage site basically I think], a teaching page aimed at children about traditional calabash objects from Senegal, so stuff made from calabash, from a region that we know Bonnaire visited.

http://www.virtualmuseum.ca/edu/ViewLoitLo.do?method=preview&lang=EN&id=10659

 The Kora is an instrument made from the calabash, so here are two videos of kora music,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEoMz79NT60 I don’t know this one I got it by googling, it’s called  ‘KORA TRIO SENEGAL Konzert Rote Fabrik Zürich’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig91Z0-rBfo this one is Sona Jobarteh and band, it says it’s music from West Africa.

 Also just a thing from a quick google, A Drunken Ode on an Ashanti Calabash, based on Keats’ Ode to a Grecian Urn, because, you know, how awesome is that?

You bald head crackpot of an unworshipped gourd

Owner of sweet whine, lined with alternate this chord

What incense wafts incessant on your inside

What merry joys accompany your company.

What brave brow, what bold curve

Hairless rim-head, competitor of shaved eggshells

Afraid to touch the earth but on your belly.

 Glass wine is sweet, but gourd wine is sweeter

Funeral wine, party wine, you hold them better

What a roll you make on your underbelly

When rocking here this way and that

What browned fare, what fair brow

What endless, gaping gap on your inside

Forever open to wine and air.

 Pour me a drink, pour me two

Which are sipped ‘pon suppers supped

Momentous joy for a dugout unleaked

What thin wall, what thick skin

What strong ethers of spirits reek

Shanty half body of insipid taste.

Sleeping is truth, and truth sleeping

Let me now lie and tomorrow waste

https://afrilingual.wordpress.com/2013/11/28/drunken-ode-on-an-ashanti-calabash/

 “A bottle of rumbullion. The colonists make it out of sugar molasses, so potent they call it kill devil”

Last allusion I’m picking up, I swear, and again I’ll be quick about it. John J. McCusker says that “rum and molasses early became strategic items in the vital trade with the West Indies, being readily available and readily acceptable returns for colonial goods shipped there. The distilling of rum from molasses created a substantial colonial industry, employing local capital, management skills, and labor[sic]”. Bonnaire’s rum is again just an indication of both his trade and the deeper implications. Rum is a ‘commodity’ (a word McCusker uses over and over that I can’t hear without wincing anymore) that was used substantially in the transantlantic trade. Again, the commodities and luxuries that Bonnaire is shipping, his cargo, is all implicated in the slave trade and, again, I want to point out Paul Munier as a trader who might not actively be a slaver but is still part of the slave trade.

 The Rum Trade and the Balance of Payments of the Thirteen Continental Colonies, 1650-1775

Author(s): John J. McCusker

Source: The Journal of Economic History, Vol. 30, No. 1, The Tasks of Economic History(Mar., 1970), pp. 244-247

Published by: Cambridge University Press on behalf of the Economic History Association

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/2116737

Accessed: 26-10-2017 20:35 UTC

[sorry, I’m sure there are other more accessible sources on the rum trade and its parallels/uses in the slave trade, but I have google fatigue. The article is focussed on economy and is numbers and ledgers and is only really relevant to show how rum was used by the colonists in the slave trade]

https://www.thoughtco.com/triangle-trade-104592 [oh, here’s another source, and this one talks about the triangle as well]

FINALLY I want to just mention how confused I am by Louis and Richelieu and their conversation about the navy. I always read that as the French didn’t have a navy, and had a trade agreement with Spain about exploration/colonisation. I can’t find any evidence for this, however, and in fact Richelieu pretty much is the source of the modern French navy; he built the damn thing. And in terms of colonization, while it seems to be true that the French in 1630 were only just starting really, they WERE starting. Richelieu [historical type not Capaldi] went on to colonize the Antilles, and the French navy took Gorée from the Dutch in… 1677. David Gegus says that “for the little-studied seventeenth century, some data recently uncovered by Clarence Munford and others are combined with material from older works by Elizabeth Donnan, Abdoulaye Ly, and John Barbot. The compilers note, however, ‘much of the seventeenth century French traffic is missing.’ A large part of France's slave trading was then clandestine, conducted by interlopers challenging royal monopoly companies”. Which seems to fit in with Bonnaire’s position with the court. Richelieu actually set up a Company of San-Christophe with an explorer called Pierre Belain d'Esnambuc in approx. 1626 (“I found myself my own little utopia, a little piece of heaven called San Christophe”). [‘San-Christophe’ is ‘Saint Kitts’]. The company failed, d’Esnambuc died, Richelieu set up the Company of One Hundred Associates instead and they colonised Canada, the Antilles, etc.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Belain_d%27Esnambuc

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Company_of_One_Hundred_Associates

  And for those who like academical journalies and JSTOR:

Hausa Calabash Decoration

Author(s): Judith Perani

Source: African Arts, Vol. 19, No. 3 (May, 1986), pp. 45-47+82-83

Published by: UCLA James S. Coleman African Studies Center

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/3336411

 In the Shadow of the Castle: (Trans)Nationalism, African American Tourism, and GoréeIsland

Author(s): Salamishah Tillet

Source: Research in African Literatures, Vol. 40, No. 4, Writing Slavery in(to) the AfricanDiaspora (Winter, 2009), pp. 122-141

Published by: Indiana University Press

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/40468165

Accessed: 26-10-2017 18:30 UTC

 The French Slave Trade: An Overview

Author(s): David Geggus

Source: The William and Mary Quarterly, Vol. 58, No. 1, New Perspectives on theTransatlantic Slave Trade (Jan., 2001), pp. 119-138

Published by: Omohundro Institute of Early American History and Culture

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/2674421

  Mercantilism as a Factor in Richelieu's Policy of National Interests

Author(s): Franklin Charles Palm

Source: Political Science Quarterly, Vol. 39, No. 4 (Dec., 1924), pp. 650-664

Published by: The Academy of Political Science

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/2142344

  The French Slave Trade: An Overview

Author(s): David Geggus

Source: The William and Mary Quarterly, Vol. 58, No. 1, New Perspectives on theTransatlantic Slave Trade (Jan., 2001), pp. 119-138

Published by: Omohundro Institute of Early American History and Culture

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/2674421

 Scientific travel in the Atlantic world: the French expedition to Gorée and the Antilles,1681-1683

Author(s): NICHOLAS DEW

Source: The British Journal for the History of Science, Vol. 43, No. 1 (March 2010), pp. 1-17

Published by: Cambridge University Press on behalf of The British Society for theHistory of Science

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/40731001

[ask-white-fatalis]

every odd number for the OC questions

HOO BOY.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?Shiro’s full name is Shironus AkumaWraths full name is Wrathanula AkumaKaze’s name is simply Kaze AkumaQuins (my hunter OC’s) name is Quintor Zenerith 

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?Shiros childhood was horrid. for the first 100 years, wrath made his life a living hell in order to toughen him up, only to abandon him by exiling Shiro from his ancestral homeland for Shiro’s pacifistic beliefs.Wrath didn’t start as an asshole. he was a fairly average dragon and even at one point interacted with human beings. however, a turn of betrayal with the humans turn wrath cold and unfeeling.Kaze so far has had a good childhood, then again he is only 2 years old.Quin’s childhood was one of poverty and homelessness, as his parents were killed by a rogue Gore Magala when he was still very young.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults? Shiro Has a brother and a sister. His brother, Kuro, Is a black fatalis and is his fathers favorite, often belittling Shiro about how little their father cares about him. Kuro has grown arrogant and crass, often womanizing with many female fatalis’s. Shiros sister is a creature even wrath fears because of how far he pushed her violent nature. given she is a crimson fatalis, the most violent of the 3 species, wrath had her trapped within an abandoned castle when she started to kill her own kind for sport. Kaze, Wrath, and Quin are only Child’s. 

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? ((most of my Main OC’s do not have many childhood friends, whether being unpopular, an outcast or generally displeasing in general (wrath…). however, I’m glad to say both quin and shiro are making friends in their adult life.))

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? Shiro, although a predator by nature, does his best to respect all living creatures, even befriending some that most fatalis’s would just see as a meal.Wrath has a stern belief that fatalis kind are gods among mortals, that every creature is below that of his species, some of which need to be eradicated from existence.Kaze is learning shiros more pacifistic ways.Quin, even as a hunter, has many monster friends, including a zinogre he raised from a lost pup.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?Shiro, Wrath and Kaze are carnivores, and require meat to feed them. however, to keep up kaze’s metal coat, he must ingest ores, like iron and dragonite.

13. What is their least favourite food?Shiro: Rhenoplos, their hide is too hard to chew and their meat is stringy and tough…Wrath: of all of earths creatures, humans by far taste the most foul. and believe me, I have experience to back that up… -growls-Kaze: STONES TASTE YUCKY, BLEEEEECH!!! >:cQuin: Grilled cheese. …. I’M NOT WEIRD, YOU ARE!

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?((Shiro,Wrath and kaze cannot cook cuz they are dragons, and even in gjinka form they eat food raw.))Quin is an average cook, and likes to surprise his wife with many dishes. his specialty is pizza.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?all: … what are photos?

19. What’s their least favourite genres?Shiro: I don’t care much for those horror books… they really seem unnecessarily Gorey… and i care not for what the young dragons call “Wrap music”. Wrath: Human arts are a waste of time. if i want entertainment fromthem, I’ll just burn their beloved libraries!! HAHAHA! STUPID PINK MONKEYS!Kaze: ROMANCE IS GROSS, BLEEEEECHQuin: I hate anything with adam sandler :I

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?Shiro has a lot of patients, but LORD HELP YOU IF THAT FUSE GOES OUT. Wrath simply kills you if you bug him slightly so…Kaze, as a kid and thus doesn’t have an abundance of patients, and often complains if he doesn’t get his way.Quins temper is fairly level, but has none for people he thinks are rude.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?Shiro and Wrath remember everything that has ever happened in their 100,000′s of years they’ve been alive.Kaze has very bad short term memory and has a bad attention span.Quin has a decent memory but has trouble with names.

 25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?(( @monsterhunterayame asked this as well!))Shiro: what did the buffalo say to his kid when he went to school? -snorts- BISON!!! PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, OH YOU HUMANS MAKE THE FUNNIEST JOKES!!! HAHAHAHA!!!Wrath: the screams of torment of my victims the second before i rip their heads off! humans make the most pitifully funny squeaks~Kaze: POTATO! :DQuin: My friends have named me the pun deputy~

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?If he ever gets into an bad argument with a friend, shiro will feel very depressed, and often think that he ruined the friendship he worked hard to build. he does cry, but not openly.Wrath believes showing sadness is a weakness unbefiting of a dragon, and will never show anyone the sadness in his stone cold heart.Kaze often gets sad if he squishes a bug, and will cry openly, asking shiro if he can save the poor insect.Quins sadness comes from the thought of the gore magala ripping his new life out of his grip, and the parents he lost to the beast. 

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?Shiro gets very protective of his friends,doing his best never to mention their fears.Wrath brutally abuses the knowledge of ones fear, often using it to torment his victims. Kaze is generally fearless,so he doesnt quite grasp why others would be afraid.Quin, if only for a harmless park would jokingly tease about the fear, but will immediately stop if he thinks he’s gone too far.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?((Shiro, Kaze and Wrath do not consume alcohol))Quin does drink, but only the drinks that taste “fruity”. and if he gets drunk, he becomes very flirtatious, to the point where he bets he could shove a wine bottle up his… ehm…y-you get the point…

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?((for this purpose,monsters will be in gjinka form))Boxers: Wrath, KazeBriefs: Shiro, Quin

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?Shiro’s guilty pleasure: making purring noises when happy, and getting chin scritches.Shiros unguilty pleasure: Making friends!Wraths Guilty Pleasure: expressing joy.Wraths unguilty pleasure: killing.Quins guilty pleasure: SingingQuins unguilty pleasure: Raving about his wife, Naomi.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?Shiro,Kaze and Quin all enjoy reading fiction books, Quins fave being kaiju novels, whereas shiro and kaze like fairy tale fantasy books. Quin and shiro are fast readers,but kaze is still learning howto read.Wrath thinks books are a waste of time and prefers to just burn them.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?-All characters live in a technologically inept age in terms of writing, so all must stick to letters,-

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?Shiro would most likely be Heterosexual however a certain fish gets him all hot and bothered so i guess its a bit ambiguous. in a relationship,shiro likes mutual respect and lots of small signs of physical affection, like cuddling. Wrath is Unfeeling, although he would only have relations with an opposite gender.Kaze is too young to determine.Quin is Bi-Sexual, and likes a lady with confidence and curves, and a man with a cute face and muscle, but not too much! Quin also likes physical signs of affection and someone he can have a laugh with and relate to.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?…. uh

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?Shiro: I HAVE ZERO REDEEMING QUALITIES! ;U;Wrath: all fear me,and all SHOULD fear me…Kaze: they think i’m a cute! owoQuin: I’m not sure really…i guess just some guy??? i dunno…

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? ((Monster OC’s will again be refered to in their gjinka forms))Shiro is ALWAYS the fanciest and classiest dressed mother fucker in the room.Wrath doesnt care. Kaze is often told by shiro to dress fancy but often just likes to wear hoodies and shorts cuz they’re comfy.Quin dresses his best on formal occasions, and would buy a tux if it were necessary.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?For shiro, Four obsidian spires in a long forgotten valley are very close to his heart. every year he goes to see them for hours on end on one particular day.Wrath has a scar on his chest thats important to him, however, its to remind him to NEVER show weakness.Kaze has a scale from Shiro that he carries everywhere, to make him feel like shiro will always protect him. Quin’s only thing from his parents are his fathers Critical Brachydios dual blades. he takes them on every serious hunt he’s been on.

[nuevorealidad]

how.to.deal.w.damn.eclipses

Don't bother trying to make any sense of it. It'll only throw you. The whole damned thing is just a bunch of juxtaposed pastiché of images and scatterballed memories, a crazy drama mixed with karma, peering in lightness pouring onto the darkest spots, carousing kissers smearing brandied blood upon your gnarling scars.

Maybe it's best you just withdraw into the lair of your reclusive, private universe - a place from which all others are excluded, a shuttled dreamworld in which even those who know you do not recognise you as such. #ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ ☿ ⊼ ♆ | ♀ ⊼ Ch |♀ △ ♅ | ☉ ☍ ♇

But things are weird, hey... aren't they now? Lots of confusion going down, everyone's feeling so damned grouchy all of their buttons ultra touchy be very mindful what you say, jack in the box ain't far away loaded with angst and toxic bile ready to spring you and revile so please, do not obscure or judge two thousand years of nasty sludge.

#ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ SOLAR ECLIPSE @20°♋41'

Pluto Opposition Uranus - 7/12 new moon uranus 19/20 degrees

You do well not to resist the ups and downs but to go with the volatility which can take you to the outer edges of what you know. Exhilarating experiences are possible that can make you deeply aware of the weaknesses of conformity and the strength of going counter to the trend. While traditions have their place, this is a time to break new ground if only to uncover the unique qualities that make you an individual. Wherever you have felt a need to be different, this can bring it out with full force. (My Need & Desire for My *F*S*J* &*F*L* to kick in start unfolding manifesting from non-physical to physical reality)

Since you may seek freedom and independence whatever the cost, make certain it is for something that you truly desire (more big money & lucrative abundance) rather than against something you don?t want. If you fully tap into what this cycle offers, you probably will demonstrate an unyielding persistence when you are right or think that you are. The older you are when this transit occurs the more you can make it work for you. The increased self-awareness is a great asset as it allows you to seek the freedom you need without causing so much disruption in your life.

You are likely to receive profound insights that increase your understanding w/  deep curiosity with the unfamiliar /peculiar +extend to new discoveries.

**You can find inventive new ways to transform you life so that you do not need to drop out of society to be different.** Still deal w/ humans but living at undisclosed unknown lat/long domain where am free detach from all irita & bs  

I desire something completely new and alternate this new moon / have a need to bring forth my FS*FL* A.I.R. to finally start unfolding in full force . I have already given my F*S*J* 100% green lite & free will to commence. Now i am ready for it to kick in and come into play every single day.

aries - who are u here to be (at this time) & are u spiritually align - this new moon eclipse i am here to align w/ my future self in bringing my future life in accordance & full abundance manifestation. taurus - line up ur emotional mindset attitude to who u seek 2 be in the world & who u want to hang out n associate w/ sagittarius - ARE ABOUT TO TRANSFORM THEIR ENTIRE LIFE - Choosing an emotional tone on how they want to feel thru the whole transformation. do u wanna fly coach or first class - now this is what they have to hold true ; they have to hold true their spiritual faith, they cant be wishy washy or question it. they have to just call it believe it and see it work out (very strong boundaries about faith) and monitor ur emotional situation making sure u always feel safe, engrace, n protected hold true w/ faith and trust this powerful transformation in life. pieces - holding in for some serious passionate joys. everything u teach and preach should be in line w/ ur hearts intention n ur behaviour should be in alignment w/ dat dream too .. so act as if...assume the role. When you are ‘’ there ‘’ ...** BE VERY VERY LOYAL TO THE BOUNDARIES YOU HAVE LEARN SO FAR or else u can be very broken hearted n disappointed if U GO BACK ON A BOUNDARY U KNOW BETTER THAN...SO HONOR UR F* BOUNDARIES FIRST AND FOREMOST (remember wat happened the other nite? when u suffered/struggled thru / got redeemed (fr u know who) big time enough to walk but then u kept playin shittin it up ...remember that auwful feeling?? which U beg n promised never to ever feel or experience again??? soo HEED IT once and for all!

Talk it up, stretch facts, use frauds to make human beings appear more grandiloquent than they really are, invent stories where people talk way more eloquently, say smarter things than is humanly possible, make shitty human enterprises seem important enough to want to invest in. It's not a noise - it's music; it isn't shit smeared on a piece of wood - that's art; it's not a house - it's a temple; it isn't boring, if you say so....

Jupiter trine Neptune was exact during Jupiter retrograde on May 25 and will be again on August 19, 2018. It encourages hope, generosity and community spirit. As your personal value system or morals reach a higher standard, you will find that selflessly helping others brings great satisfaction. You can follow your dreams for success without needing to sacrifice your ego or material possessions. WEALTH/ FAME / 7 ALL UR DESIRES come true and you should feel happy and content.

YES I am f* ready to leave the past behind (past=letting go all ill feelings/regrets/fuck ups/sad sacks/doubts/leftover residues)..........Like I said THIS morning i have asked no *demanded* my FS to finally show up! do his thing! bring about w/out shadow of doubt who/what and all that FS/FL is all about. as i am tired of waiting /and isn't this f* WALK IN is all about ? instead of deely dally upgraded yes but still so slow blow....TODAY jupiter stations..( made sense why i ademantly demanded early 4am) ....tomorrow jup direct no more excuses no more delay f*kin get it on then already! .>>>>>>THIS is how i am heralding creating bringing forth these once in lifetime eclipses w/ once in lifetime event desire ..The Manifestation of my FL Completely Alternate Intelligence Realm. Asked /Told /Demanded my FS <3J to f*show up do it to it. HE is ON. its all on him /all about him..its show time m*f* ! let me watch you NOW.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.The eclipse, happening midweek at 20 degrees Cancer, is a powerful one. With the energy this supersized cosmic cocktails, there will be some major directional changes as we close one chapter and prepare for a brand new one, unencumbered by the ‘same ole’ sad songs. New career, relationships and opportunities will be opening up.

post above is 4 f*face.dh for deleting my fbomb posts - how dare u when ur mouth is just as filthier than any :/

Let this be your eclipse theme 4 gotz 2 follow thru starting first 1@7/12 (new moon solar eclipses all about NEW beginning pre-requisites on how your  FS*FLife will unfold & manifest ) 

------------------ I have Uranus 19 cancer but in 3rd house what does that mean to 20 degrees? Is no longer opp with pluto?

AstroWeather NYC Yes, 19 Cancer is opposite Pluto, he’s at 20 degrees Capricorn… Capricorn is directly opposite Cancer. We would have to see what natal aspects Your personal planets make. Look for all Planet approx 16 - 23 degrees of any sign

My pluto leo 22 in 4th house mars Sag 20 in 8th house jupiter gem 18 in 2nd house. So it doesn’t matter about their houses it’s the degree that’s affected? With all these opposition will that be bad new moon then? How can I make it work for me??

AstroWeather NYC This is the first of a series of eclipse points that will happen on the Cancer / Capricorn axis. The series is ‘a wrap’ by the middle of 2020. From this one until the end is the perfect ground, for healing, growing things, new construction, building of any type as well as making manifest the off spring of your body and mind. Creating, by using your talents and inspirations, in a caring, mystical, compassionate and passionate manner will transform your world. This is a period where and when you can make some serious loving connections that provide safety, security and protection. Pluto will bring up feelings. Harsh ones… Remember that Life is a flux - things flow in and things flow out - like the ebb and flow of the tide. When you shut down one flow, it cuts off all others. In addition, It is the meaning that you attach that makes these feelings unacceptable or acceptable. It is your resistance that makes them painful. Like life and death they are two sides of the same coin, if you stop one then you no longer have the other, death can not exist without life…….. nor can life exists without death….Thanks Dee

August 8 2018

Stop looking outside for help. You’re sourced and fuelled and funded by a renewable resource, which is within you. It never runs out. It is your Essence. It’s your life.

Source is now always available as a two way process.The Star Gate flows are constant - it doesn’t have to be a flare or solar wind storm day to receive these codes. Your own magnetics are adjusting as you migrate realities to where the Higher Self Can Express Right Through the Physical.

This is the pivotal shift from quaint 3D beliefs that days of loaded significance somehow delivered magic that rubbed off on you - the old seductive /dramatic event/ passive view of how the cosmos operates. And now we know different……we know that energy is neutral, that it is you who makes meaning and that magic happens when you make it. The I Ching hexagram for the Magician is “1 Chien The Creative”. Sometimes -as in this eclipse tunnel- the planetary weather reads “Storms,Hurricanes and Explosions”; sometimes it reads" Calm and Sunny" but whatever the backdrop, YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE. YES WE CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT UP TO NOW UNCONSCIOUS AND RANDOM W/C ONLY BRINGS MIXED RESULTS

What each and every curve of the cosmic cycle brings are moments of chairos - time vectors when events and their resonance to your unique birth mandala conspire to crack open your tiny perspective to the Truth that your mind is not a camera but a projector and that you don’t have to believe your own thinking. “There’s a mysterious door that appears when we stop attaching ourselves to the comfort of what we believe to be are our obstacles. This is where the light of our inner fire appears. This is where we start to see, feel and listen. This is where we stop pretending. And this is where we no longer seek refuge outside of ourselves…” Tanya Lee Markul

🌒🌓🌔🌕⭐⚡☀⚡⭐🌕🌔🌓🌒🌰⭐🌱🌿🍀🎆🌋🎇🌠🔮🔔💰💰💰💰💸💸💸💳💳💳💸💸💸💰💰💰🍀🌿🍀🌿💰 😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆 **hugs**🤗 🤗💗💗 **luv**💕💞💕**likes**& lots of **kisses**💋💞💋🌟💃💃💃🌟✌. ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️💥🔥⚡️✨🌠��� 😍😍😍😍.😂🤣😂😆 hot 2 trot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🌀🌀🌀🌀 🐷🐮🐥🐢🐬🐺 🐇 🐥🐢🐬🐱🐶✌💞🎨🎯😇 🎥🖱📡📲📰🌈🏖 🎪🎪🍰🍰💰💰💰😇 🌷☘🌺🌳🌻🍀🌾⚘🌸🍃🌿😍😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆🌟🌟🌟💃🌟✌🌋🌊🌈🎆🎇🎉🎊🔓🔆🔓💰💸💳🔅📈🏁🍚⬆⬇↕🔄✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆🎉🎊🎍💸💸💸✴✳✳✳✳↕↕↕↕🎆🎇🌋✴✳🐇🐸🍀🌰🌱🌼🍀🍀🍀🌻🌺🍀🍀 🎆🎇🎉🎊🔆💸💸💸💰💰💰💳🔅📈🏁 ❣️💕💞💘👍😍💥 🌞🌟💃🏻✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆 ARIES WEEK AHEAD FORECAST: 5 - 12 August 2018 Watch your spirits lift from Tuesday as Venus lights up your relationship zone, smoothing over problems and putting you centre stage by shining the spotlight of attraction on you. Then on Saturday the 11th a New Moon eclipse in Leo sets the scene for PASSION, CREATIVITY, ROMANCE. After months of hard work and challenges, gift yourself some time out for socialising, travelling and exploring intriguing new avenues for TURNing what was side HOBBY INTO A LUCRATIVE INCOME STREAM. If your old plans fall apart, tell yourself that the eclipse will bring you something or someone even better.

THROW YOUR SCHEDULE AWAY AND GO WITH THE FLOW.

YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE…& YES U CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT Be The F* Magician and manifest non tangeable non physical to HARD CASSSSSH