#the last ones are like. when someone casually mentions ur special interest and ur So Normal about it so normal /j

[smolmoss]

some autistic lil cats /hj hehe :]

[tigertofu]

You’ve probably already wrote about this but what about headcanons for Trevor as a husband and father?

i actually havent written abt him as a husband and i have done some headcanons of him as a new father (heres that list if ur interested n havent seen it already) but i'll very happily do more so ty for this request !! 💕💕 love thinking abt him in Domestic situations........

pairing: reader/Trevor (no gendered language used for reader)

summary: headcanon list of Trevor as a husband and father.

cw's: child endangerment ?

wordcount: 1,044

as a husband : 

• when it comes to Trevor and marriage, canonically, there’s some uhhh mixed signals? he’s said to Michael that he isn’t “the marrying type” but we also have seen him beg total strangers to marry him (like Mary Ann). i think, if he were to seriously consider marrying somebody, it would be after dating for quiiiiite awhile. he’d want to make absolutely sure that the person he proposes to is someone who will truly dedicate themselves to being with him for the rest of their life cuz boy howdy i cannot imagine his abandonment issues and a possible divorce mixing well at all. he’d wanna make sure 100% that the marriage will last forever. but once he does propose, it will be both sentimental and casual. probably somewhere important to the two of you, like the place where you first met, or had your first date, or fucked for the first time.

• the second you two are married, he’ll be overjoyed by the fact that someone loves him enough to want to spend the rest of their life with him, so he’ll be coasting through ecstatic, marital bliss for a long while after the wedding. just in the best of moods. he’ll be extremely clingy during this time, more than ever. smothering really. he’ll wanna spend as much time as possible with you. he’ll love to show you off every chance he gets; mention that he’s married to a wonderful person every chance he gets, to everyone he comes into contact with. 

• he’ll expect you to move in with him (if you aren’t already living together at his place) after getting married cuz there’s no way in hell he’s moving out of his trailer if he doesn’t have to. he’ll let you renovate/redecorate/clean the place as much as you want, though.  

• one caveat for this newly married phase: he won’t immediately understand that being married = assumed mutual monogamy. and this isn’t because of any malicious reason at all; he’ll just continue on enjoying strippers as he always has and he won’t try to hide it because he won’t even be aware that he's doing something generally frowned upon. you’ll quickly notice that he’s still visiting the Vanilla Unicorn for more than just business reasons. once you tell him that hey, being married means not fucking (or groping or ogling) anybody but your spouse, he’ll knock off the stripper habit for good. he might have a mini breakdown and assume you’re about to tell him you’re leaving him when you first start the “hey no more strippers” convo, but will calm down once you tell him that you aren’t planning on a divorce or anything. 

• he will frequently bring you little gifts. bouquets of dandelions picked from the side of the highway or flowers yoinked from some random house’s garden, takeout dinner from your favorite restaurant, articles of clothing that he sees in the shops while out alone and assumes you would look good in (that will also probably not be anywhere near your size or style). it’s the thought that counts, though. and every time he brings you home a little treat or something special, he will present it to you with the biggest, self–satisfied grin because he knows that that’s what good husbands do and he is being the totally greatest husband ever.   

• he will constantly ask if he’s being a good husband and will need frequent reassurance that yes, he is being good. because of his abandonment issues, he will always be a little weary about treating you well.

---------

as a father: 

• imo Trevor as a father can be pretty much summed up in three words: protective, problematic, and proud. 

• from early on in the child’s life he will be sure to pound into their head that they are THE smartest, strongest, bestest son/daughter ever. this is for two reasons. 1 (subconscious): his mother and her myriad of boyfriends/husbands/johns never gave him a single encouraging word while he was growing up and he will want to kind of heal from that by being the exact opposite with his own child. and 2 (very much conscious): any child of his is just going to be the Strongest Smartest Bestest Kid Ever because duh, they came from good stock.

• he may not be the most involved dad (busy with his work and such), but he will be a fun dad. so fun it’s dangerous. kid sees their dad handling a gun one day and expresses interest? time for Baby’s First Firearm! who cares if they aren’t even old enough to write their own name? doesn’t matter. it’s a tough world out there; get that kid a fucking pistol and teach them how to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights ASAP. arguments may occur when you try to tell Trevor that no, the kid is not old enough for a gun or a knife or a dirtbike or fire crackers or any other number of age–inappropriate things. despite being extremely protective of his offspring, the largest threat to their wellbeing will be, inadvertently, him. 

• he’ll probably wanna “”””””homeschool“””””” the kid because (according to him) fuck the government they teach useless stuff in public schools nowadays anyways and his kid isn't gonna waste their precious formative years learning about US presidents and the fucking water cycle no sirree they're gonna learn how to make it out in the Real World. curriculum will include how to shoot at the earliest age you are okay with the kid handling a gun, how to drive as soon as they’re tall enough to reach the gas pedal of Trevor’s Bodhi, how to deal with cops and the shady characters that inhabit Sandy Shores, how to scrap, etc etc etc.

• the kid will absolutely love Trevor though. like absolutely adore him and very much look up to him. he already has a bit of experience with handling kids because of being around for Jimmy and Tracey's childhoods, but there will be a few things in the parenting department that would be better left up to you. like how to healthily process emotions, how to politely interact with other people, how to maintain personal hygiene, etc.

[scandeniall]

story of us

pairing: suna x reader

the story of ur relationship <3; alternatively (more) dating sunarin headcanons but this time is somewhat of an order and talks good and bad 2K+ worth lol

a/n: i had more planned but half of these have been sitting in my notes for months and its kinda fucking long already bc he lives rent free!!!

warnings: uh the usual aged up (in ur 20s time skip type beat), language, yeah

Meeting

Now when y’all met suna was not looking to love at all. That man was just living his life and so where you. The two of you pretty much meet through komori. You’re a friend and it’s his birthday so him and a few of his friends go out for drinks bc why not. Young hot pretty financially stable v-ball players. Nah no ones there for any type of hookups literally just there celebrating a great guy.

They rent out a section at a relatively nice bar tbh. Not the cheapest and you can actually hear conversation. But also not a super expensive one where the patrons are middle aged with jazz music and the occasional track to relive “youth.” Komori’s a sweetie and will come outside to get you when you text that you’re there. You’ve met washio and ofc sakusa Before so you greet them casually then you turn and there’s Suna and a few others you haven’t met.

That greeting isn’t anything special I promise. Just “hey I’m so and so” and vice versa. It’s one of those meetings where you just think “he’s cute” but it’s such a fleeting thought. Y’all don’t even really talk that first night tbh. At the next practice Suna mentions offhandedly that he didn’t know komori was dating someone and komori is like: huh? Yeah sorry. I love (Y/N) and all but were just friends. Suna just shrugs not really caring to be honest until Komori just asks what did he think of you.

“Don’t really remember much man. Seemed cool though” he didn’t think he’d really see you again. Yeah you were close enough to have been at Komori’s birthday but if that was his first time ever meeting you, he figured you weren’t from around there are present very much. Yeah he was wrong.

Suddenly you were on Komori’s snap story more often, or maybe he’d just been noticing more. Too bad he couldn’t even remember your name 💀. Then it turned into you occasionally popping up where he was. He’d been told your name at least 5 times already but wouldn’t remember it the next day. Whenever he’d see you again he’d get a strained look like: “what is this mf name again” just laugh and tell him again bby.

That changed at some random house party by another mutual friend you two apparently had? You two were the only people just around the fire pit trying to catch some warmth in the chilly night. He’s probably just on his phone head bobbing his head to the muffled music from inside. And you’re just like “remember my name yet?” All jokingly. This sparks the tiniest bit of interest in him and he lets out a low chuckle and just admits “not at all.” I also feel like this is the first time he really looks at you and he’s like 🤨, wait you’re actually kinda cute.

That night y’all just kinda talk and vibe. The conversation comes easy as you two jump back and forth from talking about the music playing to sneakers which he brings up to stuff that you like. He’s actually really easy to talk to. So easy that u can forget about him not remembering your name despite meeting several times. You mention that you’d hung around komori before while they were gaming and that he seemed pretty cool. That leads him to asking “how do you know him anyways?”

“I used to date Sakusa”

Mentally he’s just like— ‘yeah I’m not getting involved in this. Time to go.’ Until you just start laughing.

“I’m kidding. He’s not really my type. We met after being paired together for a project in school.”

The two of you spend quite a bit of time just talking that night until you are joined again by some friends and it’s deadass like y’all weren’t just talking for almost an hour straight.

Getting Together

The process of getting together is like a cat and mouse game. You two start getting closer than friends and then something happens and you’re not talking for weeks. Whether it be life just getting busy, and then someone ending up on some random tinder date or so be it. Definitely one of those things were somehow someway y’all end up just hanging on one of your couches watching a movie. At some point there’s definitely a hint of sexual tension but neither of y’all act on it (later on you find on his finsta that he used to post several “i wont you 😔” memes  Folks can’t tell if hes joking or not (hes not))

You probably gotta tell that man you like him so if that ain’t you I’m sorry. Y’all not dating 😹. It’s something casual, y’all going to pick up some snacks for a movie night and why this mf keep looking at you out the side of his eyes instead of the road. You def texting the groupchat asking if you should confess. They tell you to boss up and just do it baby.

You literally end up confessing in that parking lot. Like right when he shuts the car off and starts swinging his keys on his finger and you kinda just blurt “I like you. Like like you.” He just kinda nods before his eyes widen. “Wait are you fr?” Like no you’re joking tf. It gets a lil awkward so you just go to get out the car and he’s like “I like like you too.”

I definitely don’t think either of you ever officially asked the other out it’s just at some point the understanding that you two are a couple. Like when you’re hanging out just you two hes more touchy, and then y’all start kissing and holding hands at some point. Then when you’re with friends he almost exclusively sits next to you and your friends notice the whispers in one another’s ears at the loud bar that seem just a hint too intimate for ppl who are just friends. Then y’all start arriving and leaving places together and people just at some point get the message (it’s later confirmed by you tweeting some shit like: I hate Rin why is that mf my boyfriend)

As far as anniversaries y’all draw straws to pick a day in the ballpark of the time y’all both think you became official. That’s the day you stick with even if it’s not true.

Relationship Flaws

A fault in the relationship is sunas kinda poor communication when it comes to things that matter. How he feels. Arguments. Love sure as hell don’t come east with anyone but when your partner won’t let you in? Yeah that’s like hell. That’s something you struggle with. And then on your end, it’s the impatience with him not letting you in. You try to wrongfully rush it.

 There’s definitely been arguments that stem from him just being upset about something unrelated to the relationship then coming to you for comfort without actually telling you what’s wrong. He kinda just wants to lay with his head on his chest but at some point that’s not enough. Y’all are in a relationship and should be able to talk about your bad days too.

You’re not innocent in this issue either because sometimes it comes off too pushy. Yes it’s from a place of care but sometimes that silent comfort is necessary. The walls will break in due time and y’all both know that deep in the back of your minds But then there’s a part that’s like— yeah we can’t let this become the norm

“Rin, can you please talk to me”

He will have literally told you “whatever” and that he “can’t deal with this rn” several times as he just shrugs and is like yeah “I’m gonna just go home. I’ll text you later” with an awkward ass pat on your shoulder if it really ruined his mood. If he’s leaving before he gets super upset and uncomfortable just some half assed kiss in your cheek

Another thing is I feel like he could be passive aggressive and let’s be real other folks doing it causes you to do it to. Y’all probably drag eachother on your finstas where you can both see it lol

But when it comes to making up he cracks first and apologizes when he started it. Or as y’all get more comfy with communication. If it’s not anything major he’ll just hit you with a text like “I’m bored come hang”

More Relationship Things

I feel like he love/hates driving. Likes the ride not always driving though. So if you ever proposed a late night drive he’d be down (if you offer to drive). He does let y’all take his car though. He reclines the seat pretty far back. Alternates between just closing his eyes vibing w/ the music or kinda just looking at you (he the type of bf that makes u nervous no matter how long y’all been together)The way he looks at you makes you nervous cause that man is fine as hell and you can just feel his eyes on you.

He films you on Snapchat and sends the video to you like “you look hot”

If he’s not ‘resting his eyes’ he’s mumbling along to the music because he has the aux. if y’all music tastes are different he occasionally throws in something you really like bc he likes how you perk up at one of your fav songs

Moving on. Y’all dap eachother up after s3x because it’s “modern romance” (boy stfu). You two came up with a sex playlist together and it’s on both of your phones. Sometimes one of you will add a troll song that the other doesn’t know and put it in the lineup. (Stole my heart by 1D has definitely played before and you were practically in tears laughing at his reaction. That was one of those songs he was like ‘yeah alright i think we’re done).

At some point you two develop your own handshake and it’s cute. Whenever either of you have to travel without the other that’s always the last thing you do before you leave eachother. There’s vids of your friends daring y’all to do your elaborate ass handshake drunk and doesn’t matter what’s in your system, you both know it like the back of your hand.

I think he values quality time a lot so there’s so many nights where you’re both just chilling in his room just doing your own things. He could just be at his desk watching some game highlights and you’re just doing hw on his bed with your own earbuds in work all spread out and he’s content. He’s also attentive so if he calculates that you’ve been working too long he’ll just take ur earbud like “hey let’s go get something to eat.”

People definitely think he’s the lazy one in the relationship but it’s 100% not true. Like stated above, he’s very attentive and can pretty much gauge how you’re feeling in the blink of an eye. He knows when you need alone time but won’t go without reassuring you that he’s here whenever you’re ready. When you do just need him he’s there without a second thought. If you’re more touchy he’ll have your head in his lap his arm running up and down your as you tell him what’s wrong. He knows when to joke about a minor inconvenience and over the course of your relationship knows when to cut the jokes and be serious with you.

He’d never admit it but he knows your coffee order by heart (he keeps up his image my asking wtf do you get everytime. Just let him LOL). He the type to peek at what you plan on wearing and ‘accidentally’ color coordinate then pull some shit like “why are you copying me”

Y’all def shit talk together. See someone doing something completely out of pocket in public— straight to ur phones you go (pack it up shade room). To the public it just looks like you aren’t paying any attention to one another on your dates but y’all are. Just over the phone so u don’t piss off ur target 😌

Y’all are very comfy in your relationship that you just say stuff. Y’all don’t even think.

“Rin, what if i crashed us in this car rn 😹”

“Do it. Might be fun”

When you two finally move in together it’s almost like how your relationship starts. Slowly more and more spares of stuff for you end up at his. He does sorta make the move near the end of your lease and is just like “you’re here more than me anyways.” (hes nervous but swears he’s not. Bby you’re literally shaking). Him moving you in is like hell. This mf takes sooooo long to help with boxes. Picks up 1 then sits for like 15 minutes. You ask for help the first few times and he’s just like “I got you” while continuing to scroll his phone.

Sleepy Shoulder kisses in the mornings. Only form a greeting you get but it’s ok

this is like my 100th dating suna hc and im still going this is SICK. it was so hard to not drop old refs bc i still believe in them 100% yes i do!!!!

[ohbae-me]

okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here. 

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao. 

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk? 

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well. 

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not? 

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!! 

[datleggy]

MY LAPTOP IS FUCKED FOR LIKE A MONTH (EXPECT MOBILE UPDATES D:) BUT REAL QUICK BEFORE IM STUCK ON MOBILE I NEEDED TO MAKE THIS POST BC I JUST FINISHED THE LATEST 911 EP AND JUST

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SEASON 3 EP 12

OK OK So

1. THAT MEXICAN STANDOFF BETWEEN MADDIE AND BUCK IS ALL THE CHAOTIC SIBLING GOOF ENERGY I’VE EVER WANTED THANKU

2. JOSH DESERVES THE WORLD FUCK EVERYONE IM SO MAD

3. KNOCK ON WOOD IF BUDDIE DOESN’T HAPPEN I NEED BUCK TO TREAT JOSH RIGHT (lmao im jk!)

4. BITCH. BITCH. IF MICHAEL DOESN’T GET MAGICALLY BETTER IM THROWING HANDS

6. EDDIE MAKING HEART EYES AT THE (FOOINE ASS) ENGLISH TEACHER. OK. OK. OK. I MEAN. I GET IT. BC SAME. LIKE GADDAMN.

7. “YOU LIED” AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

8. HEN MENTIONING THE NEW BABY AND HER LIL POOPY BUTT----MY HEART IS SO SMILEY

9. CARLA SHOULD BE LISTENED TO MORE OFTEN FOR SHE IS WISER THAN THE REST (im assuming she holds the brain cell most of the time)

10. THAT LAST SCENE. THAT. LAST. SCENE. 

MY LAPTOPS ABOUT TO DIE BUT I NEED TO SAY THIS:

YA’LL CAN’T JUST MENTION BUCK IS SINGLE AS A PRINGLE IN ONE SCENE AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SWITCH TO EDDIE W/ CARLA MEETING A NEW POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST LIKE THAT????

(SIDE NOTE: u know DAMN well eddie must’ve thought LONG and HARD about asking buck to come w him to the parent teacher thing but then was like “aaahhh that’s too much to put on buck uoregoufijdi” and chickened out last min and carla was like “alright u big baby, lets go”--------but also think of the possibilities??? imagine eddie had gotten the courage to ask him to come and buck is obv touched, like of course bro! that’s what besties are for! so they end up meeting the v hot english teacher and she’s like “edmundo, am i right?” and eddie’s like “<///< wow, how’d u guess” like  he was in the actual scene, and buck cracks a joke about how eddie told him he’d never respond to that name when they first met, and the english teacher flirts a lil w buck, like “oh, and ur name’s buck? that’s a tough one to figure out *super hot person laugh*” and buck’s like “<//< hehe, well, it’s evan actually, but uh, yeah, just call me buck, everyone does” and they actually both end up getting her number at different times (eddie while buck is in the bathroom, and buck while eddie’s getting the car from the parking lot bc even tho his leg is all healed up eddie is still overprotective about buck walking too much on it when he doesn’t need to, at least) and they end up finding out on the car ride home and they both are like “ooh, competition time to win her affection!” and they joke about it casually and are like “welp, may the best man win” and it’s thru ALL the jealousy and bs rivalry that they finally get together when the teacher’s like “uh, it kinda feels like u two would prefer to date each other, than me. all eddie talks about is u, buck, and vice versa.” iugth[ehwvnfdbs cij

AND ALSO FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, BUT BUCK IS SUCH A SASSY BOY---HE REALLY SAID “EDDIE MET SOMEONE SPECIAL BUT HE WENT AND BIT HER HEAD OFF SO SHE’LL PROLLY NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN AND ALSO FLUNK HIS KID” WITH A SMILE HGTOGERWSDL SIR WE GET IT, U JEALOUS, CHIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL LMAO

AND ANOTHER THING: IM SO CONVINCED BUCK IS JUST TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO HIS FEELINGS, LIKE, HE’S ALL “YUP, THIS IS JUST MY BEST FRIEND, WE TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING AND WE’RE NOT GUESTS IN EACH OTHER’S HOMES AND IM PRETTY MUCH COPARENTING HIS SON W HIM, WHO BTW I LOVE AND WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO PROTECT, AND I HAVE OPENLY ADMITTED I THINK EDDIE IS STUPID HANDSOME AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T TRUST ANYONE MORE THAN ME W HIS ONLY CHILD, I PLANNED A WHOLE CHRISTMAS PARTY V LAST MIN, ALL BC CHRISTOPHER FROWNED SADLY AND I WOULD SIMPLY NOT LET THAT STAND BC HIS HAPPINESS IS MY HAPPINESS AND ALSO I ALWAYS WEAR MY CUTEST (and tightest) SWEATSHIRTS AROUND EDDIE AND OH HEY, CARLA, WOULD U MIND JUST HOLDING THIS PHONE AND FILMING THIS BEAUTIFUL FAMILY MOMENT OF ME, MY FUTURE HUSBAND AND OUR SON WHO I WILL BE ADOPTING ANY FUCKIN DAY NOW SHOWING HIM HOW TO SKATEBOARD? THANKS. ANYWAY, WE JUST BESTIES. :)”

AND EDDIE’S SOMEWHERE IN THE CLOSET HIDING ALL THE BI AND DENYING ALL HIS GAY THOUGHTS ABOUT BUCK. OK BYE.

[valdczz]

* alexa demie. she/her. cisfemale. ╱ i am pretty sure i saw celina valdez at manon’s party that night. the twenty-one year old is in their third year at west bridge studyingmass communications. i hear they were at manon’s party because she never misses a party. i wonder if they got the same restricted call as us. will they comply? + getting high between classes, disappearing before things get too complicated, eyes that invite trouble.

heyyyyyyy there, y’all ! my name’s claire, and i’m the bitch who’s always late to the party. but, HEY, at least i made it. ¯\_( ᵔ︠ ͜ʖ ︡ᵔ)_/¯ i’m 20, go by she/her, and i live in the est timezone. i don’t sleep tho, so i’ll be around late into the night tbh. i haven’t been in a rp group in a while, but once i heard that pinky was reopening… BOI I FUCKIN RAN !! i’m posting late as hell because my teachers are tryna KILL ME WITH ALL THIS DAMN HOMEWORK FFSBVHB!!!! but anyway hehe, lemme tell you about celina aka hell on heels but my mf baby.

just some stuff ( tw. mentions of drug & alcohol use )

so let’s just right into it. celina's that girl from school that you’d hear about before you meet. she’s wildt. absolutely nuts. she luvs to do bad shit, and that’s her brand. a total party girl with an attitude, and she’s never a missed a party while at west bridge. 

the funny thing tho is that she’s from a family that wants to keep a particular image, one that’s especially family friendly. she’s the heiress to a toy manufacturing company, but she absolutely has no intentions of taking on the business. she’d rather just spend their money and head on out. however, her parents had other plans for her. they were tired of her behavior, so they gave her an ultimatum  — “get a degree and show us that you can get your shit together, or you can kiss your trust fund goodbye.” she’d scoff at this and say it was unfair, but her parents meant business. so, she packed her backs and ended up at west bridge. 

at first, she’d think that west bridge was too small and too boring, but it didn’t take her long to find her first college party. the cycle was continuous — spend the whole night out, go to class the next day hungover, do the bare minimum to stay afloat, and then repeat. she wasn’t planning on letting her parents ruin her 20′s, so she’d keep up a lie that she was doing well and spending most of her time in her room while actually getting cross faded with some randos in the library bathrooms.

she’s majoring in mass communications with a specialization in advertising. she’s not really interested in it, but she’s doing it nonetheless. she figures it’s too late to switch to something else, and she’s just ready to get the fuck out of school.

when it comes to manon, she viewed her mostly as a rival. people loved manon, worked to be her friend, and she had so many people at her side. whenever celina saw manon, she saw someone who she wanted to be. the rich girl who ran the school. the center of attention, so when she had turned up dead, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. in her head, sure, it was bad, but manon out of the way, celina could take her place... omg celina is fucked up ... 

one thing is for sure, her parents COULD NOT find out about what happened at the party, and they especially couldn’t find out that she was there or involved. she doesn’t care what it takes. she’ll do anything to keep them from finding out. 

the type of person she is

ok so if anyone remembers jade from the last time pinkyswear was open, celina is basically the complete opposite of that. she’s got a nasty attitude and a taste for chasing fun, whatever she deems that to be. she’s not one to hold her tongue. it can get her into trouble. about as much trouble as her impulsive actions get her in. 

she wants people around her. she wants people to like her. there’s nothing more she wants than for people to be see her as the center of the room. she wants all eyes on her. does that make her self-centered? was it caused by her being the last born in a family of 6 and struggling to stand out in positive ways? she doesn’t care.

when it comes to friends, she’s probably bad at it, especially b/c ppl kept her around for her money in high school. she’s not really upset about that, and in fact, she kinda sees it as normal. if she fucks up, she’ll buy you a new fendi purse or an expensive watch. that’s what people want, right? and if it keeps people coming back, she’ll do what it takes. 

celina’s actually pretty smart, but she’s got an unwillingness to actually apply herself to her academics. she’s def the type of person to know some off the wall fact but if you ask her anything from the lecture she’d just heard, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. mostly b/c she’s too busy on her phone trying to find out where she’s gonna be that night. 

she’s a highkey pleasure seeker. whatever it is that will occupy her time and thoughts and distract her from the bad, she’s completely down.

big ol bisexual ! let’s celebrate everybody ! she’s not really a good person to date tho so she usually keeps it to just casual tingz since she’s not really a tied down type of gal.

she’s just a real big mess bvdhjbdsjc.... and it’s prolly just gotten worse 

her ugly wip pinterest is here

i don’t really have wanted connections as of this moment but i’m sure they will come to me & that’ll be a whole other post of me being ssssttupiiddd but :^) until then, i luv to brainstorm so hmu and let’s pop off about our muses

so yeah dats it for now, pals ! more will come as i develop her and plot with all you lovely ppl so hit me up !! if you like this, i’ll fly to ur ims for plotting n tings ! if ur not into plotting through tumblr, i have discord, and i’m down to give it to anyone who asks !! anyway, i’m so excited write with you all!!! 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

merkleymrack replied to your post “kinda a funny shtick of mine that i’m aro and have such strong takes...”

(1)i agree with u 100%, i think love is hyped up so much, partially because people looove the narrative that love can save you in some way. whether that's saving you from evil, from your shitty environment, from mental illness, from sadness, or from yourself. and that is basically bullshit. "love" as a mystical force and chemical attraction between 2 people doesn't and can't do any of that. real relationships forged over time, based on trust and compromise and a fundamen-

2) tally optimistic outlook on life can help you deal with life, but that's not as snappy. and i think this ties in nicely with what you pointed out about love being perceived as isolating (in a positive way almost) by lots of people: it is because they are co-dependent and attracted to this toxic relationship because it feeds the narrative that "love" is all they need to be happy or to be saved. thats my hot take of the day

talk series criticizing Romahnce, every thursday at 6

for real though let me accuse capitalism some more for Not Great Ideas About Romantic Love b/c like!! that’s basically all you’re allowed to look for in terms of reliable companionship and Any kind of close relationship from your peers. b/c the Nuclear Family is the imposed social unit of choice b/c extended families don’t allow for enough isolation / cut-off support networks......you Outgrow the nuclear family you were born into, and then you’d better find your romantic partner asap to start the next generation nuclear family, because you’re not gonna get other support / community anywhere else, better enjoy having friends before everyone righteously pairs off and sees each other way less, because it’s Totally Fine to have all of your time -> energy -> identity -> existence consumed by just your roles as Parent and Spouse

not to mention like, whenever people of any relationship status are super overworked and like, especially with having unreliable / inconsistent schedules that don’t line up and needing to work a thousand hours a week to scrape by, people have less time to spend with each other and to foster those connections when they’re like always At Work or exhausted and recovering from work or, when they Do have some free time, it doesn’t like up with the free time of their friends’..........like hmm too bad there’s not One Person who is super devoted to Just You and can always make time and prioritize You, Alone.......

Life Under Capitalism is dehumanizing and alienates everyone from each other and doesn’t value life and commodifies anything that people might find adds Value To Their Life and like, our grievances and suffering is just Personal Problems that need to be fixed through our Personal Choices, b/c community is strangled off, isolation is pushed, and you need to Have Money or Die, and there’s the idea that the Way Things Are is flawed but ultimately okay and works out for good people............and it all brings it around to like, the idea that actually Finding Romance is *all* that life is about and is the one route to happiness. like, this concept is just casually trotted out in whatever media as blatantly as that, that “what’s even the point of being alive if you don’t find that Special Someone” and everyone just kinda goes “huh, yeah, that’s true...” like, it’s just Fine to accept that life is a hellscape and you’d want to die if it wasn’t for this one nice magical thing (your true love(tm))......like, maybe there’s a problem with that? we shouldn’t all just accept that life is unbearable but romance is the sole cure? and it’s not even really Anti-Capitalist when a holiday movie / any romcom is all like “this career person thinks that Love is for suckers and only making money is good, but then eventually their romantic interest shows them otherwise and they realize that said romance / a dash of Family is actually what Really matters” b/c it’s just like.......hey don’t be upset that you can’t actually Get Ahead under capitalism!! the people who are making more money than you are unhappy, i promise! it’s fine that you aren’t really succeeding Financially, b/c you have Love, so be happy with that and don’t think that there’s any systemic issue here.

anyways and like yeah of course it does probably seem to people like Romance is the only thing that can improve [insert any bad situation about their lives] because what even else is offered to people, seemingly, right......it’s like, first of all i hope you have a good relationship with your Nuclear Family, b/c they’re the only ones who will be Unconditionally There For You......but even if you do, it’s not like those people can be Everything in your life........and re: friends it’s like, well, i hope you’ve made super lasting friendships in high school and/or college, cuz after you enter The Working World good luck making new friendships!!! even if you do you’ll drift apart b/c nobody has time to nurture the relationship!!!! meanwhile of course everyone should be looking for romance, and hey, that will transform your life and enable you to endure all the other miserable everyday shit you go through, b/c the one person who matters cares about you. and they’d better b/c that’s the only really strong mutually supportive “unconditional” relationship you’re guaranteed! clearly!!!

like of course positive relationships of any kind tend to Improve Someone’s Life......of course isolation makes everything worse for anyone......it’s not like a good romantic relationship SHOULDN’T improve stuff for people, but like, no way should it be the case that romance is the ONE THING available and it better fix fuckin Everything or else you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with those problems that Aren’t improved and if you can’t deal with it on your own you’re fucked, cuz it’s romance or nothing!!!! it would be totally convenient to like, be deeply in love asap and have that make everything amazing and hopefully it’s ur life partner so that you don’t have to worry about Struggling On Your Own like..........a romantic relationship is really all that looks to be on the table according to the Life Narrative that’s pushed really hard. and defining that romance as “this person will always be there for you for Anything and you’ll always be there for them and you’ll always be happy as long as you’re With Each Other” is really Something when life under capitalism guarantees no happiness nor for anyone to be there for you or care about you or help you otherwise

like yeah Friends are nice but they’re kind of sold as the nice optional bonus, or like, they’re there for you but you don’t have to be there for them, low maintenance ideally, and if they drift away when you don’t spend time on them or support them then that’s fine as long as you’ve got that romantic partner b/c that’s how romance is so often defined, as being More than any other relationship, like, hey i don’t Need anything else, i don’t Need anyone else, it’s fine if i only have you, for some reason we gotta view relationships as Tiered and know which one’s you’d consider disposable if you put them all through a winner-take-all tournament bracket.......brilliant approach which is totally fine if the agenda is “give people One Good Relationship with One person which must fulfill their existence and fix everything lacking” like ok

i mean there it alll comes back around to going “augh jesus christ” at Isolation packaged as romance where it’s like “[as long as Romance] it’s fine if i die, it’s fine if i don’t have anyone or anything else, it’s fine if we never engage with the world or talk to anyone else again”.......like fuck!!!! this is horrible!!!!!! god!!!!!! Isolation is Bad gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and abuse overlaps sooooo hard with isolation, and you’ve got that deliberately isolating tactic that abusive partners pull that like, you can’t spend time with family and friends, it’s me vs. them, and you should always be prioritizing More Time With Me and be perfectly happy with *Only* our relationship or you don’t *really* love me..........but then this same sort of Concept will be just be touted as Ideal Romance as long as both people are cool with it lol!!! like, i don’t even Want to be around or think about anyone else, this one person is my whole Life And World, other loved ones who????? it’s Just Us now and hopefully forever, #sweet

like it’s pretty Effed Up that people have to feel like there’s only one way to expect someone to ever be at all devoted to them or really care about / understand / support them and that’s through having a Current Great Romantic Relationship, which must and should be *everything*..........like, everything i think abt “this idea about romance seems awful” is about like........romance shouldn’t be this way for even people who currently have that kind of relationship, and it should Always Be Fine to be single, even if you want / hope for a romantic relationship.........i’m keenly aware that snagging a Romantic Relationship seems like the only way to have someone committed to being On Your Side and paying attention to your existence every day. but really of course that shouldn’t be the case......and when a romance IS had, why is it worse to have a grounded view of it like, when people compare it moreso to friendships rather than to being some kind of magical bond which effortlessly yields Everything You Need In Life, so now you don’t have to care about anything or anybody else

sounds mean or Cold or whatever to be like well the way i see it is that “romance is unnecessary” but i mean, first off it is, you don’t Need it and some people don’t want it. but imo it’s not Bad to see it as just like, a sick bonus, a really awesome thing if you want it and it happens, but like, of course life isn’t Worthless or Ruined if someone who Wants a partner is single / becomes single. like, ideally Being Single regardless of whether you want that to be permanent or not should actually be enough on its own for anyone to be happy!! nobody should Need to have a partner to be happy / feel like their life is okay the way it is. like, is it not actually more ~romantic~ or whatever to feel like okay, i would be fine and happy with being single, but i would rather be with this other person because i Want to be, but i don’t Need this relationship to be okay. vs. the whole like i *need* this relationship type “that’s the puppetmaster who cursed my dick” approach where it’s like, god believe me this isn’t my idea but i MUST be with you, i’m miserable without you so i basically have no choice, this is like, the universe holding me at gunpoint. why not have choosing to be with someone just like “yeah i prefer this to Not being with you and i think it improves my life overall” without anyone having to feel like it’s their only option for happiness

anyways i really can’t imagine the concept of like, a Romance just absolutely cutting down all these other aspects of your life b/c you don’t care about / Need that shit anymore being an at-all pleasant or appealing concept versus like, it just being its own positive relationship that enhances everything and Doesn’t become your sole source for so much shit like validation and commitment and intimacy and support / help and companionship and etc etc etc etc etc etc

i’m sure this isn’t the only tangent i forgot to throw in somewhere else but everyone knows my “'teen angst’ is largely comprised of anticapitalist sentiment in the face of the hellscape and cognitive dissonance of adult life under capitalism and YA media deals with this and the struggle to find genuine connection and value in everyday existence" takes, well, it’s kinda wild how it’s basically a requirement for any YA work to have a thread of Romance running central to the whole thing. not like that doesn’t happen in other Genres, and not like some works don’t lean into that way harder than others, and not like every main char Ends Up with the/a love interest at the end, but it’s like, jeez. imo supports my idea that romance is Supposed to be *the* panacea for the ailments of capitalism

[dreamcaughtme]

emergency ask tell me ur favorite thing about one (1) son and one (1) daughter (the very first children to come to mind) go

MY FRIEND. Thank you for specifying one (1) son and one (1) daughter because I actually had a war with myself over whether I should write about two (2) each or not. In the end, I decided to play by the rules, but trust me, it was DIFFICULT!

Yunhoyunhoyunho

I’ll talk about the son first because you mentioned it first. I had such a hard time choosing because even though you told me to pick the son that first came to mind, so many came to mind at the SAME TIME that I had to calm down a second and then try to think of a son again. The first son that came to mind without any others was Yunho of ATEEZ, so let me tell you about him!

This sounds like such, SUCH a boring answer, but my favorite thing about Yunho is that he is so, so genuinely GOOD. He’s a total disaster and a half at times, don’t get me wrong, like when he intentionally sticks his butt in his members’ faces so they have to smack him or when he does a somersault off his hotel bed in the middle of his v-live with Hongjoong but accidentally just ends up falling on his face or when he does absolutely ANYTHING with Song Mingi, but he’s also just a straight up GOOD fellow. He always refers to himself as a puppy (more specifically, sometimes as a golden retriever). He was so pure when he described meeting TVXQ’s Yunho...like almost hyperventilated right in front of us all and just couldn’t believe it...and I’ll never forget that moment in ASC when all the members were promoting their own lines in songs and Yunho humbly interjected that the best part of the song was when they were all together (I think? whatever it was, he was being humble and not promoting his own lines like everyone else, bless his heart 😭). And I remember in the early days when they were still KQ Fellaz, and they went to L.A. to train before debut, and they were at that really famous dance academy (...with a name that I’m totally blanking on right now!) and they were all talking about the dance classes and how tough they were, and then someone mentioned that Yunho (as well as Wooyoung) was selected for special dance training + showcase because of his talent, and Wooyoung got super hype like YES THAT’S RIGHT but Yunho got this really shy and humble smile on his face and sort of blushed and looked away and it was really cute because he definitely was NOT going to mention that he’d been chosen, but he was really glad that someone else did 😊 And then he KILLED it in the actual dance. Like. He is such a gifted dancer. And that’s another thing. In my opinion, while he doesn’t always get the fancy little dance sequence solos, he’s their most solid, powerful, perfect-technique dancer. He doesn’t demand the spotlight, but he’s their anchor for the dance because he is consistently technically spot-on. I love his “powerful” dances with Mingi. They make an excellent team. The only complaint I have about Yunhoyunhoyunhoyunho is that one time he broke Mingi’s heart by not choosing him for his team. But that’s another story for another time. Also, all the members are obsessed with Yunho. And I love that he allows Mingi to use him as a pawn in Mingi’s attempt to overthrow Woosan’s “superior” couplehood. Yunho’s just a good, precious, darling blessing of a human being, and if I could meet anyone from ATEEZ, it would be him because I know, I KNOW, he would be so down-to-earth and not make me feel intimidated by anything at all.

AND THERE IS MY SON.

NOW MY DAUGHTER.

Pandami 🐼

For my daughter, the first daughter that came to mind was Dami. It’s really tough because, along with Dami, I want to talk about my other Dreamcatcher daughter, Gahyeon, because they’re on the cinnamon roll team. What I love about Dami is hard to encompass in a word or three or ninety, but I’ll try my best. Dami is such an interesting dear because she is effortlessly cool while also being dorkily sweet. I feel like with a lot of rappers with the “cool” persona (I won’t name any names), they LOOK super cool and edgy onstage, but when you get to know them, it turns out they’re total goofs. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all! I absolutely love it! But Dami’s cool because her stage persona and her goofy side both somehow seem to reconcile perfectly IRL. On the one hand, she often tends to demand less limelight than the rest of the members; you can catch her with this quiet, reserved affection for her fans that’s just as sincere as her other members but not as wild and crazy; and let’s not forget that moment when a fan proposed to her, and she said, “No, I’ll do the proposal. Don’t propose to me,” but said it in such a cool, casual way that we were all like, how many other people have you said that to?!?! But then, on the other hand, she gushes unashamedly and preciously about how much she loves and looks up to her older members; she is nicknamed Pandami because she’s actually a panda bear; and do you remember that really cute clip where she has to identify a song and then do the rap part, and after each rap part, she had this really cute, shy giggle? Speaking of cute and shy, her smile with her fans is so often cute and shy. The moment I really noticed Dreamcatcher and started getting into them as actually because of Dami. It was on that stage WHEN DREAMCATCHER CHANGED THE LYRICS OF “BANG BANG BANG” AND TURNED IT INTO A STRAIGHT-UP FEMALE POWER ANTHEM AND WE ALL DIED. But she walked onstage with such confidence, like she knew she owned the stage and didn’t really care what anyone thought of her. That was when I was like, she’s it. Dami is the rapper of the world. Her line in Piri, “I’ve had a gun for awhile,” is one of my favorite lines ever because of the confident, almost cocky way she says it and because of the rest of the lines it’s surrounded by, the lines about crying out for someone to hold out their hand and save them. I’m doing such a poor job of explaining this. Also, she was dynamite in the last song in their boy group dance medley. I almost feel like I can’t call her my daughter because I know I’m incapable of being a mother to anyone as cool as she is, but she is just so dear and endearing to me that “motherly” is the only way I can describe how I feel about her :((((( She’s probably my favorite daughter (DON’T tell the others), and there you go, there is one of the MANY reasons why.

[musikat18]

Face The Music (Bones x Reader)

For: Anon

Request:  hello! i love ur blog, was wondering if you could write a bones x musician!reader? tysm :)

Pairing: AOS Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy/Reader

Summary: You’re a comms officer with more than a few talents and an ongoing research project that has caught the attention of a certain medical officer who may have trouble facing the music about what he’s feeling.

Warnings: Language, mentions of divorce, a heaping case of self-doubt

A/N: I didn’t incorporate the musician aspect in the biggest way, so I apologize for that, but this 3787 word fic definitely has some sweet stuff to it that I’m proud of. I use lyrics from two songs that I’ve performed before: (the first)  Après Un Rêve by Gabriel Fauré, and (the second) Ah! si mon moine voulait danser, a French Canadian folk song.

There was something in the air on the bridge that Bones hadn’t really noticed before, which surprised him. For spending an inordinate amount of time breathing down Jim’s neck about safety on the job while on the bridge, he thought he’d noticed every little thing about the bridge-- the hum of the computers, the chatter between officers as they worked...this, though. This was completely unfamiliar.

“Dans un sommeil que charmait ton image….”

It wasn’t really a hum, but it might as well have been, with how soft the unfamiliar language was. He moved discreetly around the bridge, hoping to locate where it was coming from-- sure enough, it was near Uhura’s station.

“Was that you, Uhura?” he asked, making the lieutenant turn in confusion.

“Was what me?”

“I just thought I heard music from over here. It sounded good. Do all comms officers sound like that, or do you just use music to focus?”

Nyota shook her head, ponytail swishing behind her, “It wasn’t me. Y/N?”

Bones was definitely sure he hadn’t spent enough time on the bridge, because if he had, he would have remembered the prettiest comms red he’d ever seen in his Starfleet career.

“Nope...no idea where that came from,” you said, attention parted between the doctor and your station. “Though, I guess I can answer your question about comms officers, at least from my point of view. I mean, I like having music to focus. It’s why I keep these around for slow days,” you held up a pair of wireless earpieces. “They connect to my PADD and I can listen while I’m working...if there’s nothing too pressing, sir.”

“Hm...thanks, uh…?” he felt rude not attributing the information to your name.

“Lieutenant Y/L/N.”

“I brought her up here as an extra hand,” Uhura jumped back in. “We took a lot of our comms courses together at the Academy, she really knows what she’s talking about. Her thesis was actually on links between xenoneurology and audiology in cognitive study.”

“Impressive,” Bones bounced, hands folded behind him. “Even I try to stay away from brain stuff, when I can.”

“It wasn’t nearly anything special,” you smiled shyly, “I assure you.”

“No research is worthless, Lieutenant,” he said. Not untrue, in his opinion, though not how he would have liked to have spoken about a thesis he hadn’t even read. “Guess I should go back to making sure Jim doesn’t spontaneously combust, then.”

As the doctor wandered away from your station, you let out a soft breath.

“You know, I always thought you’d react a little more pleasantly to being praised in both research and talent by one of Starfleet’s hardest-to-please crewmen,” Nyota laughed. You rolled your eyes.

“Considering Dr. McCoy and I have no real reason to talk, I just didn’t think it mattered. Besides, do you know how embarrassing it is to get caught singing on the job?”

“You know I do,” she smiled, “but I’ve never seen him so...not completely murderous before.”

“There’s a first time for everything, Nyota,” you reminded her. “I’m sure he’ll be back to his grumpy old self, soon. Far, far away from my voice.”

“You sound lovely,” she chastised you. “Don’t be afraid of it.”

“Says someone with the actual voice of an angel.”

“Pot, kettle,” she smiled. “Besides, I’m not multitalented like you are.”

You shook your head, but you had a smile on your face, and you allowed yourself one little look over your shoulder to see if the doctor was still there; he seemed to have returned to medbay.

Part-relieved and part-disappointed, you continued humming your familiar tune.

--

The smooth timbor of notes filled your quarters as your fingers nimbly danced across your saxophone. You may not have had a lot of opportunity to work with it, anymore, (seeing as it was a little less portable than your larynx and lungs) but you still enjoyed playing every now and again.

You paused only a moment as the page moved along on your PADD, breathing in perfect time with the rests and the tempo. If you were going to be on that stressful bridge all day, after all, a practice in controlled breath seemed like a good idea. When the song was done, you sat back from your perch on your chair, satisfied with your solid (if rusty) performance.

And then you heard the knock at your door.

“Shit!” you said, quickly placing your saxophone back in your small closet space. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”

When you opened the door, you leaned on the frame casually in hopes that you looked like you didn’t just hide one of your favorite pastimes (a thought that made you wince a little). To your surprise, there was a very tall, very handsome doctor on the other side.

“Doctor McCoy,” you greeted. “How may I help you?”

The doctor did that funny little bounce again, “Oh, nothing special. I was just wondering if that music was coming from in here.”

You blessed your prior research on the uses of inflection as you casually half-lied, “Oh, yes. Music for the focus. I don’t just use it for work, after all.”

“Yes, I figured you wouldn’t,” he nodded, quickly clarifying, “wouldn’t only use it for work, I mean. You probably use music to focus on all kinds of things.”

You stifled a laugh, “Yes, it’s my understanding that auditory association is just as effective as taste association. In my research, at least.”

“I know. I read your thesis. Lots of good stuff in there.”

You took a second to look down under the pretense of checking how clean your boots were (even though in reality you were just feeling bashful under the doctor’s whiskey gaze), “Thank you, Doctor. That’s quite the compliment, coming from you.”

“Yeah, I’d love to hear more about your research, sometime. I understand you’re primarily in audiological research instead of comm operations.”

“Yes, I am,” you nodded, laughing a little. “Did you get that from all my theses?”

He cleared up what you assumed was something in his throat, “...A little. I might have asked around after reading.”

To have the interest of anyone onboard would have been a miracle, but there was something about the doctor’s attentions that made you feel a little shyer than usual. “Well, the rumors are true. I spend about the same amount of time in blue as I do in red. I’ve got the uniforms to prove it.”

“Blue’s a good color,” he said. Be still your heart-- he actually grinned at you. Nyota would never believe it. “Well, if you’re looking to talk about your work, let me know sometime.”

“Sure,” you nodded. “Thank you, doctor.”

He showed himself out, and you were almost more excited about the conversation you’d just had than the excellent saxophone practice not a moment before he came in.

-

You felt more than a little miffed as you sat down in your lab space. Granted, you had felt miffed all day, but it had really been starting to set in after you had been straight up ignored.

He was busy, you were sure. But he certainly hadn’t been when you’d tried to speak with him.

You took a breath as you set up your equipment, deciding it would be best to not be completely pissy while operating auditory measurement equipment.

“Ah si mon moine voulait danser…” you sang quietly under your breath, hoping the jaunty tune would lift your spirits. It did, for the most part, and you had most of your equipment hooked up when Nyota came in.

“So, do you want to tell me why Geoffrey was talking with Christine about why McCoy decided to lock himself in his office grumbling a little more than usual?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” you huffed. “For someone so interested in my work, he seems rather evasive. Mixed signals, and all that. It doesn’t really sit well with me. ...Actually, it hasn’t for the last few weeks.”

“He’s abrasive, but not avoidant. Usually a lot more direct, actually. What happened?”

You swiveled on your stool as you sighed, “He said he was really interested in my work...liked that thesis I wrote. He seemed willing to talk about it a while ago, but every time I try, he makes up these fakey reasons not to talk about it. It’s been getting kind of frustrating for him to lie to my face. ...I might have...boiled over a little bit…earlier….”

Her eyebrows shot up, “Wow, and no scolding? He must like you or something.”

“Well, he has a funny way of showing it if he does,” you grumbled. “He told me my research was relevant to one of his medical studies, and now he’s acting like I’m one of the viruses they have stored up in the medbay for study!”

“At least he seems to feel kind of bad about it,” she offered. “Chris says he’s been in a sour mood.”

“If the captain is to be believed, he’s always in a sour mood.”

“More than usual,” she corrected. “Besides, Captain Kirk is Captain Kirk. He makes Doctor McCoy sour for all kinds of different reasons.”

Your shoulders sagged, “I just...if my work is worth something, I want to feel like it’s worth something. It’s like he was just trying to be nice...if it’s contradictory and flawed, I would rather he just come out and say it…. I don’t want all this work I’ve been continuing onboard to be worthless.”

She smiled kindly, “Let me talk to him about it. I’ll swing by his office after you finish up with me.”

Bless Nyota and her kindness, you thought with a smile.

“Thanks. Just put on that headset and I’ll start hooking up the monitors.”

-

McCoy had just finished lightly banging his head against his desk when his comm beeped. Seeing that it wasn’t Jim again, he set aside his self-loathing and answered, “McCoy.”

“Leonard, Nyota’s here and headed your way,” Chris warned on the other end. “She’s pissed and no one can stop her.”

Oh god, he was actually going to die.

“Thanks for the warning, Chapel,” he said. “Still have that copy of my will?”

“On hand now.”

“Nice knowing you.”

Not a moment later, the comms officer stood firm in the threshold of his office, looking unusually placid.

He knew the kind of ice Lieutenant Uhura could spit when one of her friends had been harmed. He was not eager to be on the receiving end.

“McCoy,” she nodded. “How’s Y/L/N?”

He coughed a little, “Haven’t had much chance to talk to her, lately.”

“That’s funny. She said she tried to talk to you earlier, and you apparently told her you would be busy checking the papers in your paperless office.”

Bones blanched. Not that he would have expected Nyota-- and Y/N, to boot-- not to catch him in his lie (Jim’s advice, to be fair), but he had kind of hoped it would have taken a little longer.

“I just...I think...I’m sure she’s busy. I don’t want to intrude on her research.”

Nyota put her hands on her hips, “Look, I can’t know what you said to her about her work, but she really appreciated your interest in it. Now she’s worried that you were just trying to be nice. I just want to figure out what’s going on so she doesn’t give up on it altogether. I know how hard she’s been working on it.”

“See, the thing is,” Bones took a long sip of his third cup of coffee, “I think...it might be different...if her research was the only...interesting thing about her.”

The comms officer furrowed her brow, “What do you…” The creases in her forehead smoothed out as her eyebrows sprung up, “Are you trying to say you like her?”

“You don’t have to act so surprised,” he grumbled. “It’s not that big a deal if you don’t make it one.”

“I didn’t realize,” she said, softening her tone. “I know you haven’t really had the best experience with romance in the past, but why act like this when it’s hurting her?”

“Thought it would be better if I stayed away,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Guess that’s not working out as well as I’d hoped.”

Nyota turned her frown down to the side. Of course he would be hesitant about this. She wasn’t unfamiliar with the doctor’s unlucky-in-love reputation, but to get your hopes up only to back out immediately after? That was just a poorly-calculated and unfair move.

“I guess the real question is, what are you going to do about it now?”

McCoy shifted in his desk chair before he turned to stand, pacing a little as he often did when formulating an idea.

“Her thesis…” he began slowly. “Where did she get all the instrumental sound samples she ran her experiment with?”

“Well,” Nyota looked to the side, “mostly the other students in the Academy Music Club. She wanted samples of music from all kinds of different Federation cultures to see if there was any variation, of course...the only ones she recorded herself were the Earth reed and Earth vocal samples.”

McCoy’s eyebrows quirked in that funny way they did, “Really?” He opened his PADD back open to his copy of the thesis, scrolling through the audio samples to ‘Earth reed’ and ‘Earth vocal.’ As each clip played through, he smiled at the passion and talent behind the sound.

“She’s incredible,” he said softly. “...I fucked up, didn’t I?”

“Little bit,” Nyota shrugged. She was still for a moment, before she smiled genuinely, “but I think I know how you can fix it.”

-

You didn’t think much of the swishing door of your lab; you were too busy running the results of your latest tests in comparison to your thesis experiment.

“Lieutenant Y/L/N?”

Well, you hadn’t been thinking that much of it until you realized it was the doctor who had been avoiding you for a good few weeks.

“Doctor McCoy,” you turned and nodded simply, “to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

“I wanted to say, first and foremost, that I do value your research,” he said. “It’s sound and well-done, and I can’t think of anyone outside maybe Spock who’s been so thorough and dedicated to their clearly solid hypothesis.”

You stood there, mouth agape.

“...A simple ‘you did good’ might have sufficed,” you said after a moment. You wished his sincerity hadn’t made you flutter, since he’d spent so long blatantly working to avoid you.

“I know that,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “but I know I made an ass of myself, acting the way I did. Uhura...was very clear that you were offended, and that wasn’t my intention at all.”

You shoved your face in your hands, “Oh, god, I thought she was just going to ask you what times you might actually be available to talk.”

“She was right, though,” he admitted. “It was rude of me. So I looked through your research, and I think it’s all great...though I think you missed out on an important sample kind of early.”

You blinked, “Sorry?”

“I mean,” he coughed awkwardly, “you did have an Earth vocal sample, though you didn’t account for possible differences in cadence and tone between upper range and lower range Earth voices.”

“...Oh,” you said, feeling a bit chastened. “I guess I wasn’t thinking about it at the time….”

McCoy passed you a small chip, “I had this made for you...to use in research and stuff.”

“Really?” you beamed with relief at the small gift. “That’s very kind of you, Doctor. Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he dipped his head. “Just...let me know if you need anything else. I’ll be sure to be there this time.”

As McCoy turned from your lab, you smiled and turned over the small device in your hands, feeling squishy at the small, scrawly signed label on the side of the drive.

Yours truly, Leonard.

-

“Thanks for your help, Captain,” you said as you welcomed the blond-haired senior officer into your lab. “I greatly appreciate you volunteering to help me retry some of these initial trials.”

“Jim, please,” he gave you an amicable smile. “I’d be happy to help. I’ve heard lots of good things about your work.”

“From Doctor McCoy, I assume?” you laughed. “Apparently he’s become a big fan of my work.”

The captain chuckled, “Something like that.”

You passed the headset over to the captain as he sat down, and you placed the monitors on his skin once he placed the headset over his ears.

“Can you still hear me?” you asked.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, so I’m going to play a series of minute-long music samples, from a variety of different instruments and a variety of different cultures,” you explained. “I may pause between a few and ask for a verbal statement on how the clip affected your mood, but most of the information I need will be picked up by those monitors. Sound good?”

He gave you a thumbs up, and you nodded, playing through the first clip: Earth vocal, upper tessitura.

You watched carefully as the mapping of the captain’s brain lit up in different colors at different times, seeming consistent enough with the first trials of human males you had ran. You tapped along with your stylus to your voice, ringing loud and clear for you to listen to and monitor what parts of his brain spiked when.

“This next sample is the new one,” you told Jim once the first minute was up. He nodded, and you queued the next clip: Earth vocal, lower tessitura. The sound clip was a little longer than a minute, but you were sure the reactions would settle at about 45 seconds like the others had before.

What happened next was not what you expected...at all.

“Hi, Y/N,” McCoy’s deep Southern drawl came from the speakers. “I guess you’re wondering why I’m not singing by now-- well, I’m terrible, actually, and you don’t want to hear that. I don’t want you to hear that, either, considering you sound like a damn angel...anyway, that’s not really what I wanted to talk about.”

“Is that Bones?” The captain asked. You were stunned, still reeling from the surprise of the doctor’s message.

“I talked a lot to Uhura before I did this, mostly because I wasn’t really sure how you’d react after I was such an ass for ignoring you like that. We both kind of decided that it was more important that I face the music-- so to speak, I guess, her words, not mine-- and tell you the truth.

“I was avoiding you because I...recently realized that I might have feelings for you...not just in a professional way. I thought you would be offended, got cold feet, and decided it would be better to forget the matter of you and your research because I didn’t want to scare you off. Well, that turned out to be really dumb, and I’m sorry.

“I thought a lot about just telling your straight to your face, but...how do I put this...I’m still trying to get back on the horse on this whole dating thing. I’m still trying to figure out what it means to put myself out there. So, I decided to put myself out there by putting myself on this tape. You don’t have to say anything. It actually might be better if you decided to just forget about all of this…”

Your heart broke for how discouraged he sounded.

“...but I like you. Probably more than I deserve. So I just wanted you to know.”

There was a long, pregnant pause when the recording ended. You hadn’t even looked up from the ‘play’ button on your PADD when he’d started speaking.

He liked you. He liked you, and he wanted to proceed with things. He liked you.

“...You should probably go talk to him.”

Your head snapped up at the captain’s sincere words, breaking you from your thoughts.

Without another word, you put your stylus and PADD down and took off for the turbolift.

-

McCoy hadn’t remembered being antsy like this in a long time.

This was a dumb idea, he thought. She’ll never ever listen to that tape and think-

“Sir, redshirt incoming,” one of the nurses called. McCoy turned and prepared for whatever scatter-brained engineer was going to be brought in, but to his surprised, you ran in the medbay doors, slowing only to scan the usual muted chaos for something.

“Y/N?” he furrowed his brow as your eyes fell on him. You continued your rush, moving towards him with purpose.

To his complete and utter surprise, you proceeded to grab him by the shirt and pulled his lips down to yours.

It took him a moment to realize he hadn’t fallen asleep in his office, but once he decided this was actually happening to him, he reciprocated quickly, cradling your cheek with one hand and holding the small of your back with the other.

For lack of a better term, it felt like the perfect harmony.

“...I take it you got my message,” he said, still looking a little dazed once you separated.

“I did,” you nodded, tilting your head sheepishly, “...so did the captain.”

McCoy groaned and hung his head, his cheeks matching your uniform, “Dammit...he’s never gonna let me hear the end of that.”

“I thought it was sweet,” you cupped his cheek, making him look at you, “although, you probably could have given me a heads-up that that file might have been something I listen to privately before queueing it up in a new series of tests.”

“Yeah,” he scrubbed a hand over his face, “I’ll take that one.”

“Anyway, would you like to meet for dinner in the mess after shift?”

There was nothing but relief and happiness in his whiskey eyes, “Dinner sounds perfect, darlin’.”

“Great,” you smoothed out his uniform shirt, remembering that you were both standing in the middle of medbay when you’d practically pounced on the chief medical officer. “I’ll see you later.”

McCoy waved you off with a rare public smile, eyes following you out until he felt familiar eyes on his back.

“What?” he frowned at Christine.

“I didn’t say anything,” she smirked. “Though, you may want to explain what just happened to the captain, now that he’s here.”

Bones should have been sour about the ribbing he was going to get, but there were far more sweet things on his mind.

Tagging: @skosmo @goingknowherewastaken @yallneedtrek @feelmyroarrrr @annathewitch @bsotstory @musicmandy1991

Requests are open!

[osetljiv]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2odvuQkrlARSSv6Pvm41GM?si=sjzD66aFTGa5TkMfcIurtQ)

hi i am doing this solely for myself/my own records so please feel free to ignore!!!!!! i wanted to challenge myself by making a top 10 albums list from the last decade - it was rly difficult because my ass truly cannot cut things down and be decisive, but here it is! 

i know many ppl r not into this kinda thing, but i really really love symbolic gestures - i love the idea that a new year (or a new decade!) can wipe ur slate clean, can give u a chance to be hopeful and excited and look forward to things - i hate change and i hate endings but the one good thing to come of them are beginnings! i love new starts, i love freshness, i love blank slates. i know that the end of the year/decade is arbitrary and doesn’t rly mean anything in the long run but....... it is important and super special to me!!!

i’m really not good with words/proper descriptions of the music itself, so i mainly just describe memories/associations i make to the albums, so don’t expect a proper music critic’s review or anything LOL… i am also not ranking by objective quality, but influence - these r the albums that personally made the biggest impact on me since 2010. i started off the decade age 13 and finished it in 2019 at age 23..... so clearly that is a very big difference in stages of life!!! i completed my teenage years, graduated from elementary school, high school & university.... i went thru many different friend groups, many different personality changes...... several big life events occurred…. many many hours were spent listening to music. and now i’m here! 

my only rules were 1. had to be on repeat for a significant amount of time, 2. preferably only one album per artist (to force me to pick between them), and 3. i had to consistently listen to the album as a whole (as opposed to just a few songs out of it)...... some of my fav songs in the world aren’t on these albums bc they were either released before 2010 or i didn’t listen to the rest of the album except for a handful of songs (as is usually the case for me). so the albums on this list are markers in my life, and i could (and did!) listen to them front and back. and ALSO they are not ranked from 1-10...... it was literally difficult enough choosing just 10 and i truly would not survive having to rank them as well. in release date order, here they are!!!!!

 owen pallett - heartland (jan 12th, 2010)

okay i know i just said i wouldn’t rank these but........... well this one is #1 regardless lol!!! the rest are not in any sort of order but this one has to be first (and how lucky that it was released first too!!!) this is the most important/special album to me in the world - it’s the first album released by my favourite musician under his real name, it has some of my most favourite songs of all time on it - it’s probably the first album in my life that i loved and listened to as a whole! when I was younger i never used to have favourite singers or favourite writers or favourite artists - i would have one favourite song/book/painting but never look into the creator’s other work, never had any interest in organizing things that way. but this is the first time i thought - “i adore this song..... and i adore all the other songs this person makes.... so i guess i like this whole album?” not to mention it’s a whole story and world - heartland tells a whole fable and sounds so beautiful doing so. owen was also the first concert i’ve ever been to! he is so beautiful and wonderful and this album is perfect and has my heart and can do no wrong! and as a plus it was released right at the beginning of 2010 so it truly started off the decade and set the pace. i really don’t know what else to say! heartland was a constant throughout the last ten years - i can’t tie it to one specific moment or feeling the way i can with the other albums. this one was really just the background of my whole adolescence, i guess, and i’ll love owen and this album forever!!!! love love love

 gorillaz - plastic beach (march 3, 2010)

i honestly didn’t listen to this album as a whole until the summer after grade 11/before grade 12 when i had to take summer school for math bc i failed (first class i had ever failed :’)!!) and needed the credit for my grade 12 courses (many of which i ended up failing anyway lol) BUT i still had hope at this point so this summer wasn’t that bad..... i remember i had to buy my own bus pass for the summer w my own work money for the first time and walk to the mall bus stop every day all summer to take the city bus downtown to the highschool that used to b a prison (RIP, it got torn down this year) to take summer math from 8-3, 5 days a wk. i loved those classes surprisingly? i remember that summer i dressed so cute every day, i would wear my extra ass dresses and knee high socks and do my hair all cute...... i’d steal my mom’s old lady sweaters w mini skirts and make my own coffee to bring w me and felt so adult..... i didn’t make any friends bc i thought they were all too cool but later learned that the girls in class rly liked me and remembered me the next year when i’d see them at their highschool when visiting for a trivia tournament (don’t judge!!!!) also the first time i got hit on bc a 30 yr old man in my class somehow got my email from the teacher and sent me a creepy email asking me out and i was too scared to go to school the next day lol..... truly feels surreal. but yes i would listen to this album (and demon dayz!) on repeat cuz i found the full albums uploaded to youtube so i remember i would just listen to the entire album all the way thru for the duration of the bus ride while looking out the window and daydreaming bc i couldn’t skip any songs and I couldn’t go on my phone bc the music only plays if u keep the youtube app open…. so it’s hard to listen to the songs individually now because i just picture the transitions every time!

 caribou - swim (april 20, 2010)

this was my summer between grade 8 - grade 9! up until this point i only had a handful of western artists that i listened to (before highschool i listened almost exclusively to Japanese doujin groups that remixed video game music…. do NOT judge!!!) and i felt soooo cool when i started listening to this album/others like it… had odessa downloaded on my zen creative mp3.... so freaking good!! got so embarrassed of my music taste after this LOL cuz my brother saw the album cover on my phone in highschool and asked what hipster shit i was listening to. little did he know.... its GOOD!!!! such a great album to just listen to all the way through. perfect background music for studying/ /walking/smoking/literally doing anything to! i can still listen to it and pinpoint different/new melodies in the back in certain songs. so good!!!

 crystal castles - (II) (april 23, 2010)

so many 2010 albums wow but LISTEN....... i first heard crystal castles in either 2010 or 2011, immediately after i first made a tumblr in grade 9.... this was the era when offensive bloggers and hipster british bloggers were like the only 2 sections of tumblr...... one of the first ppl i followed was this one super popular british blogger, this kid from london who was probs 15 and he had like, a pale grunge aesthetic and rly long bangs that covered his eyes.... i forget his name omg i wish i could see what he was doing now! but ya i loved him i thought he was the coolest thing ever, i went on his blog and he had autoplay and pap smear was the first song that started playing...... i remember being like wtf is this??? first time i heard music like that, with the video game sounds mixed in and the vocals so distorted. i literally was enamoured like i remember thinking i should hate it and wtf r these british freaks listening to but like..... i could NOTTTT STOP and i remember i wouldn’t even bother looking up the song on youtube or anything, when i wanted to listen to the song i would just go to this guy’s tumblr LOOOOOL god!!!! on the outside i was a cutesy girly girl but on the inside i was a pale grunge hipster british tumblr user!

 beach house - bloom (may 15, 2012)

this album is just the sweetest, prettiest memory…. it’s so.. crisp? and clear and pure and loving! beach house was (unsurprisingly) my spotify artist of the decade and i don’t care what rep they get or how similar their music may sound i love them with my entire heart! discovered them from tumblr (as i did most of my fav highschool albums) - first beach house song i ever heard was wild - i remember the first time i started being (SLIGHTLY) less mortified of talking about my music taste to other people, it was maybe in first year? i had gotten into my friend’s car, before we got super close, and she was playing a song off of bloom i think! and i remember my heart just stopped!!!! and i was so absolutely terrified of saying anything, but even moreso excited to see someone whose opinion i cared about who was listening to music that i liked, and so i gathered all my strength and tried to be super casual and say something like “oh, you like beach house, too?” (meanwhile i was literally shaking with nerves…..) and she just so easily said “yeah, i love this song!” and it was the most validating, comforting thing! and a while after that, one of my favourite memories: my other friend got hired at a local café/tea shop, the teeniest little place – it was like 3x4 metres, max – and she would close the store alone, and it was always completely dead, so the group of us would go and sit with her for her entire shift in this sweet warm little store – we’d have tea and coffee and scones – and over the store speakers, she would play whatever we wanted – and for a while i didn’t make suggestions, let everyone else choose, but! i worked my way up to suggesting she play bloom – and she would play the album all the way through, and she surprisingly really liked it?? and then it became the default soundtrack to our tiny hangouts in the tiny café :’)

 toro y moi - anything in return (jan 16, 2013)

WOWWWW truly such a throwback....... this is the first time i felt cool, TRULY cool listening to music LMAOOOO SO EMBARRASSING!!! i remember the day it came out, grade 11 i guess??? but i swear it must have leaked way earlier cuz i remember listening to this way before.... my fav tumblr user at the time (kiki deerhoof LMFAO now THAT is a throwback!!!!) was always posting abt toro y moi and made a mixtape w his music on it and i fell in love..... and i wanted to be cool too! so i would obsessively listen to this album when it dropped. the album drop also overlapped w the moment my grades/effort in school went on a steep decline (not that it caused it ofc but this was like…. the background music to my demise, in a way!) i’ll never forget listening to so many details on my chilly walk past my old elementary school at 6am to get to my bus stop - way too cool for school

 mac demarco - salad days (apr 1, 2014)

how fitting that chamber of reflection is playing in the coffee shop as i type this :’) this album was the soundtrack to my late grade 12/entire grade 13 experience. i was SO thoroughly and unbearably depressed LOOOOL it was really awful… i’m laughing now thinking back at it but honestly the feeling of being left behind by all of your friends and having to come to terms with not meeting ur own expectations of urself… having to repeat a year and being the oldest one in ur classes…… SO AWFUL!!!! really truly idk how i did it! but the whole time, all year, i would listen to this album. i would always play it on my walk to the city bus (in grade 13 i never made the actual school bus and i don’t even know how much money i must have paid taking the city bus every day bc i truly could not get out of bed early enough to take the free school bus but ALAS……) and i swear to you that entire year was grey and foggy and cold and damp… and i would play salad days (the song itself) and my emo ass would associate 100% with mac singing “oh mama, acting like my life’s already over….. oh dear, act your age and try another year,” and i swear he was singing it just for me, trying to slap me out of my stupor by saying “calm down, ur fine, ur life isn’t over, it’s just one year and you’ll be back on track!” and sometimes, SOMETIMES!! it worked!

 azealia banks - broke with expensive taste (nov 7, 2014)

i know i know..... i’m aware how we feel about azealia now....... and i know how overstated it is when ppl say “she may be problematic but she was an artistic GENIUS!!!” so i will not add more to the conversation but....... is this album not pristine? like what a masterpiece????? this album straight up defined my highschool experience even tho it was released at the beginning of grade 12..... all of grade 12/13 i was blasting this album while walking down the hallway hating literally everything! i grew up idolizing my bro and all he listened to (techno/house/etc) and loving it but being too embarrassed of copying him to get too into it, but then hearing azealia sound cute and sexy and scary while interpolating all these house beats. LITERALLY chicken soup for the soul… it felt like she made it just for me!! and even before bwet actually dropped, listening to 212 and all of her other singles waiting for her to finally drop the album she was tweeting about for years, like i don’t remember the last time i anticipated an album for soooo long? and she dropped it days after my 17th bday which really was such a perfect gift. listening to this w my friend who also loved azealia, pretending we were cool as SHIT and so grown up...... beyond influential

 frank ocean - blonde (aug 20, 2016)

ur lying if this album wasn’t a pivotal moment for u......... blonde is the sole reason summer 16 is viewed as a cultural landmark. i SWEAR!!!! i may have spent 8 hours a day on tumblr in 2016 but my ass was NOT cool enough to have been listening to frank ocean prior to blonde..... no i never listened to channel orange before this, yes i know i was behind the times! 2016 was the summer after my 1st year of uni, august i had just finished my summer school course so my summer was just starting (i was re-taking 1st year math bc i failed..... some things never change huh!!!! lied to my dad and told him i was tryna get ahead by taking bio in summer school... he believed me till he caught me in a lie by chatting w my friend he bumped into at walmart LOL.... and yet he never said a word :’) an angel) this was also the summer my dad left for a few months to go travelling across canada, he was gone all summer and my bro was busy working and so was my mom and i had the car all to myself for the first time. went on SOOO many drives this summer blasting this album. not to mention that since my dad wasn’t home the responsibility to drive my mom to work fell on me and wow i LOVED it? i realized i love having little responsibilities and having ppl rely on me in little ways like this..... i loved going to bed at 3am and having my mom gently wake me up at 5:30am, having a coffee with her before leaving in my ratty pajamas to drive her to work, the sun was just rising but it was already sooo hot, that summer i remember i couldn’t even hold the steering wheel cuz it was burning and my car didn’t (still doesn’t!) have AC, i’d drop her off to work up on the mountain and as i drove down the escarpment i would roll down the windows and blast pink + white right as the sun began to peek over the clouds and i would take a pretty sunrise pic every time before driving around for a bit, listening to this album, going home, and going back to sleep till 2pm

 blood orange - negro swan (aug 24, 2018)

i fully expected this list to be mainly albums released earlier in the decade, which makes sense – they would’ve had more time to have an effect on me – but as the final/most recent entry on my list, this album was beautiful enough to be a consistent part of the most recent year-and-a-half of my life!!! it’s also unique in that it’s one of the only albums on this list, i think, where i had already been a big fan of the artist’s previous work and was waiting for the album to drop. not 2 sound like one of THOSE people but i often find myself liking the first albums i heard from an artist/their older music better than newer work they release (not always!!! but often!), not from any kind of elitism or anything but honestly probably just nostalgia fogging my taste? especially for my first listen of a new album – it usually takes some time and a few re-listens before i really enjoy a newer release – BUT! from the moment dev released the album cover (which is so beautiful? one of my fav album covers off the top of my head) and dropped the first 2 singles, ESPECIALLY charcoal baby, i was so so enamoured with the album, right from the start. that whole summer i had it on repeat – early the next year i saw dev play in Toronto, and it was one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to – the lighting and colours and his dancing and demeanour, the other vocalists, plus we were right up at the stage, it was so stunning!!!!! this album has consistently appeared on all of my various spotify playlists, it rly can suit all moods and occasions, i love it very much and it’s the perfect album to round out my past decade in music!

 honourable mentions: SPEED ROUND

yes i’m a CHILD that cannot commit to cutting things down...... but tbh i’m surprised enough that i was able to preen my list into a top 10 anyway. so these r the honourable mentions that i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t mention in some way!!!! all also very good and important and special to me, in no particular order!

mount kimbie - love what survives: i won’t lie this one hurt to not include on my top 10 :( i’m surprised too.... my friend rly fought for this to be included but i had to listen to my heart!!! however ofc i HAD to include it here at the very least. i was so shocked when it dropped, it was nothing like the rest of mount kimbie’s stuff i had previously heard.... i discovered them randomly when i was studying and spotify did that annoying thing where it plays “artist radio” or whatever so one of their older songs came on shuffle and WOW it was so good! and then i properly listened to them after hearing their songs with king krule... anyway this album is stunning and i am SO sad i didn’t get to see them when they came to toronto but i promise myself (and u!) that i will go the next time they come by!!!! u have my word!

foals - holy fire: this one also hurts a lot to not include :((( a LOT a lot! this one i’m really fond of, my fav foals album and one of the main albums i associate with highschool! so pretty, i’ll never forget hearing holy fire (the song itself) for the first time, so angry and satisfying and GOOD!!!

king krule - 6ft beneath the moon/the ooz: love both these albums soooo so much, i think 6fbtm came closer to almost being in the top 10 but others had it beat juuust slightly - these albums defined the beginning/end of my uni career, respectively, and i’ll cherish them forever! love archie’s ugly ginger ass with my whole heart

james blake - the colour in anything: was such a fan of james and was so excited when this album dropped - it was the start of summer i think? and i would always play it when i went for bike rides to the beach with my dad! such pretty music to drive ur bike to beside the water, all the way down the waterfront until we got to the next city over, riding past all the rich ppl’s mansions and trying to sneak a glance into their windows as we rode by

beyonce - self-titled: obviously the day this dropped - w no promo whatsoever - was a critical moment in music history!! we played this obsessively in high school, blasted this album the entire Europe trip in grade 12 and it just reminds me of travelling and planes and France…. so sexy!

solange - a seat at the table: rly truly a gorgeous album!! we played this in the car when my friends and i trekked to Toronto early one fall morning right after it dropped, we skipped school to go to some event at a café, and we had to wake up DUMB early, like 4:30AM, and i went to go pick them up and we were all way too tired to talk to eachother and stressed cuz we absolutely COULDN’T miss the train so i played this album the whole drive there while the sun was rising and it was so calming and pretty and special

[blacklionshiro-backup]

yo pls share ur journey au ideas! i always wanted to get into the lore of that game and just... Never Did??? which sucks b/c it looked so cool.

*breathe in* boi

I hope you’re ready for the feels, buckle up cuz this is gonna be intense

The paladins are red cloaked travelers, except for Shiro, who is a white cloaked traveler (more on that later).

Keith is the main character

He meets Hunk in the Bridge

Keith pretty much has a solid goal that is to reach the Mountain, though he doesn’t know why. He just feels like going there, like he’ll learn (or remember) something important if he does.

Hunk doesn’t have a clear goal like he does. Instead, Hunk spends most of his time in the Bridge. He is fascinated by the murals and the story of those who came before. He spends most of his time trying to decipher it and helping other travelers through the Bridge. He rarely crosses it himself though.

Keith meets Lance in the Descent.

Lance is very unique in that he manages to goad Keith into competing with him. Lance is the only one out of all of them who can manage to make Keith forget about the mountain, even if momentarily.

For most of the Descent, Keith and Lance have an amicable race to the bottom (the Tunnels).

It’s one of the few moments throughout the journey where Keith genuinely has fun.

Lance… never follows Keith after they reach the door to the Tunnels. He also never watches the memories of the those who came before. Keith never asks him why and Lance is glad that he doesn’t.

Lance is really scared of the those who came before, though he’ll never say it. He is also really scared of the Guardians roaming the Tunnels (he’s pretty much a case of “BEEN THERE DONE THAT”, LANCE WILL NOT RETURN THERE EVER. Scared is putting it mildly, Lance is heavily traumatized by them).

Much like Hunk, Lance is (seemingly) without a goal. There is more to it than that though (more on that later).

Keith meets Pidge at the Temple.

Pidge is… not okay. Pidge is visibly fidgety. Keith is concerned.

She carries a lantern with her and she’s very interested in the murals but Keith can notice right away the differences between her and Hunk.

Hunk was more into it casually. He loves studying the ruins. Pidge? It’s like she’s in the brink of finding out the whole truth to the universe and she’s so stressed out she’s like a college student during the last month of their last semester. Keith’s pretty sure he saw her running ahead at some point to puke.

Unlike Hunk, Lance and Keith, Pidge already knows the history of the civilization that came before them, though not much. She simply knows of their existence and she knows that shit happened. She’s desperately trying to find out what it was. You could say that is her goal.

Finally, the Mountain. Guess who’s there. Take a wild fucking guess who the final person Keith meets is.

Shiro is… tired.

You do not fuck around with him and you do not fuck around with the Guardians in this area.

But if a Guardian finds someone, Shiro will literally do anything in his power to protect himself and his companion. He willl damn well fight the damn Guardian if he has to.

Shiro doesn’t talk. At all. He doesn’t have any passions like Hunk, he doesn’t have fun like Lance and he does not care for the history of the ancient civilization like Pidge. He doesn’t have a goal like Keith. Shiro is just there and he will sit down and wait for his companion at the base of the mountain then guide them to the summit. That’s his whole purpose.

Bonus: Allura and Coran as the ancestors

Everything else is under a read more because spoilers and also feels

So about those things I said I would talk about later. Let’s talk about them.

Journey is about reincarnation.

The order through which Keith meets each of them is always Hunk ⇾ Lance ⇾ Pidge ⇾ Shiro

In Journey, you acquire the white cloak after getting all the glowing glyphs in the game. Unless you’re using a walkthrough, you most likely won’t get all the glyphs in your first playthrough, which means you’d have to play the game a couple of times to get all of them. Which brings us to:

Shiro. He’s a white cloaked figure because he has been through the Journey so many times that he’s already acquired it. Out of everyone, he’s the one who has reincarnated the most.

That is also why he has the complete golden embroidery on his cloak, which increases with each reincarnation.

Guess who else has the complete embroidery? Pidge. Yup.

The reason Pidge is stressed and nearly freaking out? Because she’s the closest (aside from Shiro) to remembering the truth. About the ancestors, about the journey, about the reincarnation process. Pidge is very close. She knows the truth is gonna change her forever and not in a good way, which is why she’s so scared of finding it, but also too curious to stop. She must know.

Shiro is the only one who actually knows.

It’s also why he always sits by the mountain. He has no reason to move on with his life and reincarnate again.

He has no reason to journey again.

So he sits. And waits. And guides whatever companion comes through the gate. But he will not reach the summit with them.

He’ll always come back and return to his starting point.

Every time someone reincarnates, they forget about their journey, but the memory is not lost, just hidden. This brings us to an eternal cycle where each traveler will journey, reach the mountain, die in the process and reincarnate just so they can journey again. For better or for worse, Keith, and to an extent Pidge, are the only ones currently going through the reincarnation process.

As mentioned before, Shiro is not.

Lance doesn’t know about the truth, but he realized that he doesn’t want to know.

Which is why he won’t go further than the Descent.

Like Shiro, he’s stopped reincarnating, but unlike Shiro, he’s much “younger” since he hasn’t been through the journey enough times to comprehend the truth.

Because of that, he retains the red cloak and only the first stripes of the embroidery.

Lance is smart enough not to go through it, but in a sense he’s just as broken as Shiro. Lance blocks all references as mentions of the reincarnation process as a safe measure.

This allows him to live happily having fun in the Descent.

Hunk is quite possibly the only traveler out of the five of them who Does Not Give A Shit™.

He has a vague sense of the goal (reaching the mountain), but he doesn’t really care for it. He’s the least aware of the reincarnation process and really, he just finds the ancestors too fascinating to move on.

He may or may not have reincarnated before, but if he ever did, it was even less than Lance. Hunk may even go as far as to the mountain (and thus he’s met Shiro and knows about the others too), but he always comes back rather than climbing to the summit. Due to that reason, one could also say Hunk is, so far, the happiest of them all.

Will Hunk ever learn the truth? Maybe. Maybe not. No one knows.

Back to Pidge, she mostly spends her time in the Tunnels and at the Temple, but also has reincarnated enough times that she’s close to the truth.

Shiro will not show any emotions whatsoever at anyone that comes through the gate, aside maybe from Pidge. He’s eerily fond of Pidge and is specially more protective of her than anyone else. He still won’t say a word to anyone though, including Pidge. With Shiro, it’s all in his gestures and actions.

Lance is terrified of the Guardians because, unlike the others, Lance has been killed by them the most, which left him with a very broken soul.

The reincarnation process can only be achieved by reaching the summit of the Mountain. When you die before reaching the mountain, like being killed by a Guardian, you start as a clean slate.

This means that had Lance never been killed by a Guardian, he most likely would be an old soul just like Shiro, but because he always breaks the process and starts as a clean soul again, he always forget everything. Think about how Korra interrupted her connection with the past avatars, it’s similar to that.

Shiro and Hunk are the only two who have never been killed by a Guardian, ever.

Pidge has come close to finding out the truth many times before, but got killed by Guardians whenever she was close and had to start from the beginning.

In a sense, one could even argue that it’s thanks to the Guardians that she’s not as broken as Shiro or Lance. Every time she starts as a clean slate, she’s just as happy and unaware as Keith and Hunk, which gives her some time before she starts getting close again.

Shiro can tell just by looking at her, whether she’s an old soul reaching the truth or a new born one that has been killed before.

He knows.

And every time Shiro sees her coming close tot he truth, he wishes he could tell her to stop. He honestly does.

Keith and Shiro work really well together. Out of everyone, Keith probably enjoys journeying with him the most, though he’s not sure why.

Keith sort of feels sorry for Hunk. He sees reaching the mountain as the only “acceptable” goal and doesn’t understand why anyone else would think differently.

So seeing Hunk happily having a good time in the Bridge without moving forward is not a good thing in his opinion, though Hunk begs to differ.

Pidge is the only one who shares his goal (although differently - Keith wants to reach the mountain for the sake of completing his goal while Pidge reaches for it so she can learn about the ancestors in the process), so he can easily connect with her the most.

Keith does not understand Shiro either, but rather than feeling sorry for him, he is sort of… scared. One look at Shiro and he knows that Shiro has seen some shit and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

Something about Shiro just exudes fear of reaching the mountain. It’s rare but every once in a while Keith will come back to the temple upon seeing Shiro at the base of the mountain. Sometimes that fear speaks louder. It’s very rare for this to happen though.

There’s something about watching Pidge work on her findings that deeply scares Keith. He’s not sure why. He wishes she would stop, but even when he asks her to, she doesn’t listen. She has to know.

As the last “living” souls of the ancestors, Allura and Coran guide the travelers through the desert and to the mountain. They want them to know of their history, which is why they left the memorials, tombs and murals around the desert.

To Allura, the only way they can keep alive anymore is because people still remember them, still know about them. She dreads the day all five paladins will stop journeying altogether, and forget about her and Coran.

When that happens, they’ll die.

This is a good time to remind you that Hunk, Lance and Shiro have already stopped reincarnating, though for different reasons. Pidge is nearly there, one more push and she’ll learnt the truth. In a sense you could say they’re only alive because of Keith, so Allura and Coran guide him the most.

They are tasked with reviving the travelers every every time they die at the mountain. They can’t touch the traveler outside of the mountain, since their soul is bound to it, so if someone dies or gets killed in the Tunnels or Descent, they can’t do anything for them.

There is a lot of content, but I think that’s most of it.

Things to consider:

How many times did Pidge come close to the truth but didn’t reach it because she got killed by a Guardian?

And how many times did she find out the truth but forgot because she got killed soon after?

Do you ever stop to think about Shiro thinking about committing suicide by throwing himself to a Guardian just so he will forget? Because yeah, I think about that a lot.