#the last 15 years have given us the ability to see it in better and better resolution. and now THIS kind of thing is possible

[bossuary]

Incredible 3D rendering and fabrication of the Red Lyrium Idol.

Link to more shots/angles of this piece by Josh Town - Artstation Toten Fabrications - Instagram

[potetosaradas]

I've been marinating on some Rick Prime thoughts/theories. I might be completely wrong and way off base, but this was a delusional idea that ive had and can't seem to let go of sksjfdkdl this post got really long rIP to anyone who decides to read this

I'll be referring to this timeline I made. I'm basing the years off of known/confirmed ages in the show from when the show started airing in 2017, to track and pin down some possible key dates/time frames in the Sanchez/Smith family past.

I've always wondered about Prime and his timeline. Like, did he have a Diane before/during/after he met Rick? When did he meet her? How and why would he meet her? I feel the circumstances would greatly change the flavour and impact of their relationship, knowing this information!

But! Based off this timeline, i have reason to suspect that Prime met his Diane after he killed Rick's family, given that his Beth is younger than C137’s Beth.

Now... why would he do that? Why would he purposefully go and meet Diane, marry her and make a family, when he JUST killed Rick for the same thing?

WHAT IF. Prime was using Diane as cover to hide from Rick?????? SUPPOSEDLY, Morty brainwaves do that whole complimentary, masking brainwaves thing-- but WHAT IF, Diane's ALSO had the same ability?????? had to come from somewhere right??????

ANYWAY it seems like it takes 3-4 years after killing Rick's family to he starts his own. I imagine in this time period, Rick and Prime were playing a game of cat and mouse across the universe. What if Prime decided to go back to his own dimension to lay low?

He finds out that Diane brainwaves keep Ricks hidden, so he goes back to find his own Diane. He woos her, love bombs her and within 1-2 years he's dated her, married her and started a family with her.

See, I dont think Prime ever really loved or cared about his Diane. I don't think he actually even wanted to get married at all. So why tf would did he do that???????? Well, I could definitely see him using marriage for self serving purposes. After all, didn't c137 do the same thing? He went back and used Prime's family for his own gain.They have no issue using people 🤷

So anyway, Prime hides himself from Rick for 15 years with Diane and Beth. He plots away at his Dastardly Evil Plans, keeping tabs on Rick, hiding from him as he slowly pieces the Omega Device together until it's ready. We know that Prime was an absent father and I can't imagine him having a better relationship with his Diane compared to C137/Diane C137, so I'm willing to bet he had an extremely strained marriage with her. BUT AGAIN, that would make sense, if he was only using her to his benefit only caring about the construction of the device/hiding himself from Rick C137.

additionally, i dont think he immediately went to go back to find Rick C137 as soon as it was completed. Contrary to popular belief, i dont think Prime was using the omega device to specifically torture C137. I definitely think it played a big part in it, but there were definitely other reasons as to why he made this device.

I'm not clear on what Prime's exact motivations are, but it's always seemed to me that he wanted to make an army of Ricks or at least, he seemed to be searching for superior Ricks/that could match his level.

I'll be using some scenes from the crybaby backstory for some points:

After Prime killed Rick's family, it looks like (from 00:33 to 01:05) Rick has been adventuring around the universe, checking out new universes and also looking for Prime, feeling frustrated when he comes up empty.

If you look closely, it doesn't look like Rick is looking for Prime on Earth dimensions. Again, making me think that Prime went back to his own dimension to hide from Rick-- its almost kind of like the last place Rick would ever go look for him too??

In the very next scene, Rick has visibly aged. If Rick was 27-30 in previous frames, the aged jump makes Rick look like he’s 35-45 (maybe even older). He's glumly eating noodles and clearly doesn't look happy at all. He looks super jaded. During this time, we can see him in his rebel phase, fighting with BP and the infamous Bloodridge battle.

BP rejects him, and as we know, Rick doesn't take kindly to rejection. What happened when Morty rejected him in s6? He went back to the one thing that has always made sense to him, the one thing that's always kept him going. So perhaps, he goes back to his hunt for Prime after having lost his purpose and way with BP.

According to the timeline that I have, Prime is about 51 years old when he might've completed the Omega device. This lines up pretty neatly with Rick in his rebel phase era (tail end of 40 years old) So, what does they do next?

According to the video, we can see Rick starts finding a pretty good lead on Prime. If Rick and Prime were the only ones to actually invent portal tech, the old Rick using a portal gun at 01:15 is a Rick that Prime shared portal tech with. That's a pretty great start to tracking Prime. He tracks Prime down to a maze like base with OTHER RICKS BUT there are guard Ricks (that perhaps are Ricks that Prime has recruited to his side???) and also other Ricks he is competing with to get to the center. We see Rick is visibly frustrated when the other Rick smashes the Cube in the case. What if that was a lead to Prime directly?

In season 7, we see that Prime likes to play with other Ricks in the form of SAW traps. He seems to like weeding and sorting through Ricks.

WHAT IF, this maze like base was also another competition? And Prime was gathering Ricks using the potential of the omega device as bait?

Anyway, I have reason to suspect that the omega device was first triggered and destroyed by 1999 as Morty seems to have very little attachment to Diane making me believe he never met her or remembered her presence AND also at 01:57 in the video, Rick visibly ages again (becoming the Old Rick we all know so well, I would definitely place him at 60-70 at this point). He's back at his old home, the last place he ever saw Diane alive. He's drinking and he's still so very very sad, massacring Ricks left right and center. To meeeee, this sort of I really dont give a fuck anymore attitude seems a LOT like the attitude of a man who's REALLY lost everything. If he thought he lost Diane once, he's now forced to consider the reality that you could lose the person you love over infinity entirely. It would be even worse if it was Rick that accidentally triggered the omega device to go off killing all Dianes lol even if he managed to destroy the device in the end. Anyway, strong possibility that he did it considering how many Ricks start going after him????

IDK.

I HOPE SOME OF THIS MAKES SENSE?? Im not very good at explaining myself 💀

[retrogradedreaming]

I just rewatched Full Moon and seeing that last scene Blitzø and Stolas ripped my heart out AGAIN and these are my thoughts after watching it a couple times, please don't throw rocks at me

First, I think this is a pretty realistic progression of miscommunication and I've seen a lot of people be on either of their sides, but I don't think there's even a side to be on. Both of them went into this with their own thoughts and pre-formed ideas of what the other wants and how they'd react, and that colored their responses and clouded their ability to process what the other was saying.

Stolas opened the whole thing with "Blitzø, I need my book back permanently" which was absolutely the wrong tone to set here. It reinforced Blitzø's belief that Stolas was getting tired of him, and as far as Blitzø (who is NOT known for his ability to accurately and objectively read people or situations) is concerned, Stolas has just confirmed that he doesn't want him. Stolas immediately clarifies and pours out his feelings, but honestly, that's a lot for Blitzø to hear immediately after feeling like his literal worst fear has been confirmed, that his business—the ONE thing he's worked so fucking hard to build from scratch—is in jeopardy. So along with wondering whether Stolas even wants him anymore, he's now contending with the panic of losing two things, so he likely barely heard and couldn't comprehend Stolas's feelings.

In ordinary circumstances, less high stakes ones for Blitzø, I think Stolas actually did a pretty decent job of communicating himself and his feelings. But I get why Blitzø didn't take it seriously—he's been in an arrangement with Stolas for so long, thinks Stolas is getting bored, so of course he'd think, "Ah, yes, a new role play, a chance for me to do better and keep him from getting bored." Stolas is understandably upset by this, but man, he really did not give Blitzø a fucking second to process at all.

And this is why I think Blitzø's reaction is understandable (not necessarily reasonable or healthy or even appropriate, but I GET IT). Of course he feels like he's being thrown away. Stolas still has power because he's rich and he's royalty and Blitzø is used to being used and discarded and not good enough. Of course he's angry—he doesn't even feel like he's being given a choice because Stolas has already scripted this in his mind, went in prepared, and imagined how it will go. He mistakes Blitzø's misunderstanding and shock for rejection—also understandably because that's what Stolas is used to, and he doesn't seem to have any friends or support, which we've seen is a pattern since childhood.

What we're seeing is two lifetimes of trauma surfacing in the face of genuine connection and love, and neither Blitzø nor Stolas knows how to deal with that. Neither of them has ever seen what it's like to receive that before. Blitzø was in the circus with a dad who sold him to a prince for "a wadded up $5 and a slim fit condom" and was always placed in the shadow of his best friend, who then hated him for 15 years because he thought Blitzø purposely blew him up. Stolas was essentially raised by a butler with a dad who had zero emotional literacy and was then forced into an arranged marriage with someone who treated him like absolute shit.

They've both lived a life where love and relationships are transactional, and they don't know how to function when someone loves them for who they are. Of course they're going to struggle to communicate, and I don't blame either of them for their reactions, but I really, really want to see them have a calmer conversation where they can process this and understand each other and accept love.

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Sweet past - ch.3

Summary: You meet Ellie for the first time and see Sarah again after three years.

Pairing: dbf!Joel x reader

Warnings: mention of death, foul language, angst.

AN: This will be angsty for a while, so buckle up... And a slow burn soooo.... :D

Masterlist Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Source: Pinterest

“You know I’m 15, not 5, right?” Ellie’s voice carried that familiar mix of sarcasm and indignation that always made Joel smile. Of course, she would react this way—typical Ellie. But he also knew that if he hadn’t called, she would have given him hell for not letting her know he wasn’t coming home that night.

“I’m just letting you know, kid,” Joel sighed, settling into his chair, exhaustion creeping into his bones. “Not sure what time I’ll be back.”

“That bad?” she asked. Despite all the differences between Ellie and Sarah, there was one thing they both had in spades—an uncanny ability to read emotions, even when you tried to hide them.

“She’s forcing herself to be strong,” he admitted, closing his eyes as the weight of the day pressed down on him. “She’s always been like that. Doesn’t want to lean on anyone. I don’t want to push her. We’ve got time, you know?”

Ellie made a small sound of agreement, and Joel smiled softly, even though his heart felt heavy. He had spoken with Ellie about you, and she had been eager to meet you. But true to form, she had also been the first to tell him not to pressure you into talking if you weren’t ready. Ellie, after all, knew better than most what it was like to not want to talk about painful things.

“Make her that omelet you always make us when we have a shitty day,” she said, her voice softening with a surprising note of care. Joel couldn’t help but chuckle, his heart skipping a beat at the protectiveness in Ellie’s words, despite the fact that she hadn’t even met you yet.

“I’ll be fine here, so take care of her. And say hi from me,” she added before hanging up, her tone back to its usual no-nonsense self. Joel sat back, smiling quietly to himself as the line went dead. Teenagers—they were all the same.

But there was something different, too. Ellie had a way of making it seem like she didn’t care, like she was all sharp edges and quick wit, but Joel knew better. Beneath all that was someone who understood what it meant to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders—and someone who wanted to help you carry it, even if she never said it out loud.

He sighed, a soft laugh escaping him. He’d make that omelet for you in the morning. You could both use a little comfort.

Joel Miller had never been a man with all the answers. In fact, most days, he felt like he was figuring things out as he went, stumbling through life with a heart that carried more weight than he let on. Whether it was with Sarah, Ellie, or now with you, one thing remained constant—he would do whatever it took to ease your pain, as much as he was capable. He couldn’t fix everything, but he could be there. And that was something.

He never saw himself as an aggressive man, either. In his younger years, sure, there had been moments—growing up in Texas and having Tommy as a brother meant that fights weren’t exactly foreign to him. But even then, they were never his first option. He always tried to be calm, steady, to approach life with a kind of quiet logic. Emotions were something he kept on a short leash, believing that they clouded judgment. The last thing he ever wanted was to act out of anger.

That philosophy served him well when Sarah got bullied in elementary school, or when her first boyfriend broke her heart. It took everything in him not to intervene, to not let his protective instincts take over. He reminded himself that part of raising a daughter meant giving her room to grow, even if it hurt him to watch. The same went for Ellie. He didn’t punch every foster couple that rejected her, no matter how much it pained him to see her constantly uprooted. He always tried to follow his head rather than his heart—because emotions, in his mind, were dangerous.

But the day your father laid his hand on you, something broke in Joel. He had always tried to help your father, ever since your mother passed away. He’d felt this quiet sense of duty, not just as your friend, but as part of your family. He'd gone over to your house more times than he could count, trying to shake some sense into his old friend, but there was only so much he could do. He had no right to push too hard. After all, he wasn’t family, not really.

That night changed everything. The moment your father slapped you, Joel’s restraint snapped. Before he knew it, he’d punched the man—his best friend. And even though it was a moment of blind fury, he hated himself for it. Not for hitting him, but for waiting so long. For not stepping in sooner, for not protecting you from the storm that had been brewing for years. If he had done something earlier, maybe your father would’ve woken up. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to leave. Maybe you wouldn’t have suffered so much.

Joel paused at the entrance to the kitchen now, watching you, sitting there staring into nothingness. The weight of grief and guilt was written all over your face, and it hurt him in a way he couldn’t put into words. He knew you were wrestling with the same kind of pain he had felt over the years—maybe even more, because you had missed the gradual decline of your father, while Joel had watched it happen slowly, helplessly. He didn't blame you for leaving. He couldn’t. But he knew that no matter how much he tried, he might never fully understand your pain.

Still, he had made a promise to himself: he wouldn’t let you face it alone. Not anymore.

He crossed the room quietly, and without a word, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace. You leaned into him, and for a moment, everything else seemed to fade. This is what he had wanted to do since the day your mother died—take care of you, shield you from the worst of it. But life had a way of complicating things, and he had never quite managed to do it the way he should have. Now, though, there was no hesitation.

When you asked him to stay, he didn’t even think twice. He laid down next to you, offering you the comfort and security you needed. As you rested against him, his presence became a barrier between you and the nightmares, a solid, dependable force that kept the darkness at bay. Joel didn’t have all the answers, but in that moment, he knew one thing for certain: as long as he was there, he wouldn’t let you fall apart. Not again.

***

You couldn’t quite recall the last time the smell of someone else’s cooking had stirred you awake. The unfamiliarity of it was striking, but what shocked you more was the realization that you’d actually slept well. It had been so long since you’d felt truly rested that the sensation was almost foreign.

A frown creased your brow as you tried to remember how you even got into bed—or why you were still fully clothed. But the hunger gnawing at your stomach quickly overtook your curiosity. Something mouthwatering was wafting from the kitchen, and as you followed the scent, you found yourself standing in a scene you never thought you’d witness with your own eyes.

“Is the world ending?” Your voice carried a mix of disbelief and amusement.

Joel turned toward you, eyebrows raised, spatula in hand. “Joel fucking Miller in the kitchen. Cooking!”

“Keep that smart mouth of yours running, and you won’t get a damn thing,” he shot back, his lips curling in a half-smile. You surrendered immediately, raising your hands as you made your way to the coffee machine. But he stopped you with a glance, gesturing toward the table. “I got it. Sit down. You still drink orange juice after your coffee?”

You nodded, a soft blush creeping into your cheeks at the fact that he remembered such a small detail. “You taught Sarah that, and now every time she comes over, I’ve got to keep that damn juice in the fridge.” He grumbled, but you caught the affectionate undertone as you laughed—a light, quiet laugh he adored more than he'd ever admit.

“It’s good for you!” you teased, thanking him as he set your coffee down in front of you—already fixed just the way you liked it, with milk and sugar. Your heart fluttered at the thought of how well he still knew you, even after everything.

“That stuff has more sugar in it than whatever the hell Sarah’s drinking from Starbucks,” he muttered, though there was a hint of a smirk on his face as you rolled your eyes, sipping the juice anyway.

“Trouble,” he murmured under his breath, placing a plate in front of you. “I make this for girls when they’re… not having the best of times.”

The tenderness in his voice caught you off guard, and you blinked rapidly, fighting back the sudden rush of emotion. He saw it—of course he did—and for a moment, all he wanted was to pull you into his arms and hold you close.

Because you were family. Somehow, after everything, you still were.

“This is amazing!” you exclaimed after taking a bite, genuinely impressed by the breakfast in front of you.

“Stop sounding so damn surprised,” he grumbled, though there was a faint blush creeping up his neck. “Had to learn to cook at some point, didn’t I?”

You raised an eyebrow, teasing. “Does that mean you can cook something other than an omelet?”

“Shut up and eat,” he shot back, but there was a warmth in his voice that made you chuckle. And he forced himself to ignore the way his heart stuttered at the sound of your laughter.

The silence that settled between you after that was comfortable. Not the awkward kind, but the kind that feels easy, lived-in. Domestic. Joel found himself liking it more than he expected. It made him feel something he hadn’t in a long time—content. Maybe even hopeful. Despite all the time that had passed, despite everything that had changed, you still felt like someone special to him. He could only hope you felt the same.

“Joel?” The softness in your voice drew his attention, and he tilted his head slightly, noticing the shift in the air. He glanced down, seeing your empty plate, but something else had changed, something more than the mood.

“I want this to be small,” you said, your voice steady but carrying the weight of something deeper. “Just family. Just us…” His eyes widened for a moment as your words sank in. He nodded, taking your hand in his, warmth and reassurance radiating from the simple gesture.

“I’ll take care of everything,” you continued, your tone laced with a quiet determination. “But will you let me? I want it done as soon as possible. I know it sounds awful, but the longer I wait, the harder it gets to live with myself, thinking that…”

“It’s all up to you,” he interrupted gently, squeezing your hand. “It was your father, sweetheart. I’ll help however you need, or I’ll stay out of the way if you want to handle it alone.”

You nodded, grateful, though Joel could sense there was something more lurking beneath the surface, something unspoken. But he didn’t push. Ellie’s voice, her straightforward nature, lingered in the back of his mind, reminding him not to press too hard.

For now, this was enough.

***

It took three days to make everything work. The days blurred together in a quiet haze of paperwork and hushed phone calls, the weight of grief hanging heavily over you like a damp fog. When the service is small—just a handful of people, just the essentials—it can all be arranged without much fuss. That’s what the funeral director told you. No fuss, no big ordeal, just a simple burial by hand. You weren’t sure if it was the kind of send-off your father would’ve wanted. After all, how can anyone ever be certain about what the dead truly wish for?

But there was one thing you were sure of: he’d want to rest beside your mother. They hadn’t always had the easiest relationship, but in the end, they’d come together in their quiet way. So you decided to bury him next to her, imagining—perhaps naively—that this is what he would have wanted too. Together, forever, at last.

The evening before the service, you stood in your kitchen, the soft hum of the refrigerator the only sound breaking the stillness. You had your hands deep in the mixing bowl, trying to prepare some food for tomorrow, though your mind kept wandering. Preparing food for a funeral—it felt like such a trivial task for something as monumental as death. But what else could you do? It was easier than thinking too much.

You were just about to set the dough aside when you heard your name being called from the front door. A familiar voice, deep and steady. Joel.

"In the kitchen!" you called back, quickly wiping your hands on your apron. You turned toward the doorway, expecting to see him, but instead, you froze.

Standing there, in the middle of your kitchen, was a teenage girl. She couldn’t have been more than 5’3”, maybe 14 or 15 years old, with auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes—pale green, sharp, and thoughtful—were locked onto you, studying you in a way that felt both curious and guarded. A hint of mischief flickered in her gaze, but there was something else too. A softness, an openness, that reminded you of Joel, though he’d never admit to it. Her fair skin was dotted with freckles, and a small scar bisected her right eyebrow, giving her an air of toughness beyond her years. She was striking in her own way.

“Hi,” you managed to say, blinking away your surprise as a smile tugged at your lips. Quickly, you cleaned your hands on your apron and extended one toward her. “I’m glad to meet you.”

“Hi. I’m Ellie,” the girl replied, shaking your hand with a small, slightly awkward smile. There was something almost shy about it, despite the spark in her eyes. “Joel thought it would be better for me to introduce myself, you know… before I just barged in.”

“Ellie!” Joel’s voice came from behind her, a low growl of embarrassment as he rolled his eyes. He stepped into the room, looking more exasperated than truly annoyed.

“It’s fine,” you laughed softly, waving him off and pulling Ellie to sit at the table. “I’m happy to finally meet you.”

“Really?” Ellie asked, her tone tinged with genuine surprise. It wasn’t just polite shock; she seemed honestly bewildered by the idea that someone might be eager to meet her.

“Of course! After all the things Joel has told me about you, I couldn’t wait to get to know you in person.” Your words were warm, but they weren’t just pleasantries. From the way Joel spoke of her, you’d gathered that she wasn’t just some kid he looked after—Ellie meant something to him. And that, in turn, meant something to you. You could see her eyes brighten, a flash of innocent happiness that she tried to hide behind a casual shrug. From the corner of your eye, you caught Joel’s subtle expression of gratitude—a barely whispered “thank you” that only you could hear.

“I’m making food for tomorrow,” you said, gesturing toward the half-prepared dishes on the counter. “But I’m more than happy to take a break. Are you guys hungry?”

“Starving!” Ellie groaned, dramatically throwing her head back.

“You’re always starving,” Joel scoffed, though there was an unmistakable fondness in his tone as he reached for his phone. “Is Chinese good?”

“Let me pay this time, Joel,” you insisted, reaching for your wallet. “You paid for the pizza the other night, and you did all that shopping for me—”

Before you could finish, Joel’s hand came down on yours, firm but gentle. “Put that away before I get mad,” he said, his voice low, but there was a playful spark in his eyes. You raised a brow at him, a silent challenge, but eventually you relented, slipping your wallet back into your pocket. You’d let him win this round, but you had no intention of letting him off the hook next time.

“So, Ellie,” you began, turning your attention back to the girl who was now watching the two of you with barely concealed amusement. “How’s Mr. Grumpy over here doing?”

Ellie’s face lit up with a mischievous grin, and in that moment, you knew you’d found common ground with her. “Oh, you have no idea,” she said, rolling her eyes dramatically. “He’s a total nightmare sometimes.”

“Ellie,” Joel warned, but there was no real bite to his tone. It was all for show, and the girl knew it. You couldn’t help but chuckle, the sound of it easing some of the lingering tension in the air. Joel, despite his best efforts to maintain his gruff exterior, looked almost… content. Like this moment, this tiny sliver of normalcy, was something he had long forgotten how to enjoy.

You felt it too. This was what life was supposed to feel like—a simple evening, good company, laughter shared over takeout. It was fleeting, you knew that. Tomorrow would bring the weight of grief back down on your shoulders, but for now, this moment was enough to remind you that there were still things worth holding onto. And somehow, Joel and Ellie had found their way into that part of your heart that still believed in the possibility of family.

***

“How are you holding up?” Sarah asked, her voice soft, drawing you out of your thoughts. It was still hard for you to believe how much Sarah had changed in the three years since you last saw her. She wasn’t the teenager you remembered—now she was a young woman, a student with a quiet confidence about her. You didn’t know her mother, but every time you looked into Sarah’s eyes, you saw Joel’s spirit in them, clear and steady.

“Been better. But hell, it’s been worse too,” you replied, shrugging slightly as you leaned your head against her shoulder. The ceremony had ended. It had been brief, but it was nice, intimate. The pastor had spoken with tenderness, and for a fleeting moment, you felt surrounded by a sense of family. A small family, to be sure, but a family nonetheless. There was a strange comfort in knowing that your parents were together again, side by side. It made you smile in a way that surprised even you, like a warmth settling in your chest.

You had never known two people more in love than your parents. Their bond was the kind that people often dream about but rarely find—a connection so deep that you used to tease them, calling them lovesick teenagers. It was sickeningly sweet, and you’d always envied them for it. Even now, you couldn't help but admire how they were, like puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.

“Tired,” you admitted after a pause, your voice quieter now. Sarah, ever gentle, took your hand, her thumb tracing slow circles over your skin. It was a small comfort, but it grounded you in a way that words couldn’t. “I’m not even sure I’m hungry.” She chuckled softly, her gaze drifting to the kitchen where Joel had gone, dragging Ellie with him to heat up the food. You knew, instinctively, that he’d done it to give you and Sarah a moment alone. Joel always seemed to know when to step back, when to let you breathe.

“You did well with all of this,” Sarah murmured, resting her head lightly on yours. The bond between you had always been strong, like sisters. Despite the years and the distance, you’d never really grown apart. Even when you left, Sarah had stayed in touch, though something had shifted after your father’s illness. It was as if that change had redefined you, hardened something inside. Yet through it all, Sarah still saw the same person—the one who was kind and gentle, no matter the scars you carried.

“What’s the plan now?” she asked carefully, sensing your unease, but her tone was soft enough not to startle you. Still, her question made you stiffen for just a moment, the future feeling suddenly uncertain, as though it loomed too large on the horizon.

“Since your dad called me, nothing has really gone according to plan,” you sighed, pulling away slightly, sitting up straighter as if the distance could help you organize your thoughts. “I took two weeks off from work, hoping it would be enough time, but…”

“There’s still time,” Sarah interrupted, her tone light and reassuring. She shrugged as if to ease your worries. “It hasn’t even been a full week yet. Give yourself a break. You’re allowed to take the time you need.”

“You sound just like Joel, you know that?” you teased, though the laugh that followed was weak, more reflex than genuine amusement. Sarah looked over at her dad, who was now deep in conversation with Ellie, likely trying to wrangle her into helping in the kitchen. The corner of her mouth quirked up into a smile, but you could see the affection in her eyes as she watched them.

“How are you handling this whole Ellie situation?” you asked, grateful for the change in subject. You weren’t used to being vulnerable, and Sarah knew that, so she let you steer the conversation elsewhere.

“Ellie’s a spitfire,” Sarah admitted with a fond grin. “But damn, it’s hard not to love her. She’s good for Dad, you know? Keeps him on his toes.” Her smile softened as she continued, “It’s nice to know he’s not alone when I’m at uni. I worry about him less, knowing she’s around.”

You smiled at that, glad to hear that Sarah wasn’t feeling pushed aside. “He’s not that old, you know,” you said with mock indignation, raising an eyebrow at her. “He’s not even forty yet.”

Sarah sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes. “He’ll be forty this year,” she retorted, making you both laugh, the sound lightening the weight of the day just a little.

Then her expression grew more serious, her voice quieter. “Can I be honest with you?” she asked, and there was something in her tone that made you nod without hesitation, bracing yourself for what she had to say.

“I don’t know if you want to hear this, but after you left… your dad and mine—they worked things out. It was like your leaving shook your dad up. He got his act together. But even after that, I could always tell that Dad carried this… weight. Like something was still sitting heavy on his shoulders.” She paused, glancing at you to see how you were taking it, but when you didn’t pull away, she continued. “I asked him about it once, but you know him. He doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff.”

You nodded, frowning slightly, wanting to say something, but Sarah wasn’t done. She held up her hand gently, asking you silently to let her finish. “I always thought there was nothing I could do. I was just a kid, and maybe I was too afraid to admit that you might fall apart. As long as you stayed strong, I told myself everything was okay. But looking back now, I realize that we, as your family, should have done something. If I feel guilty for not stepping in sooner, I can only imagine how Dad feels. He doesn’t show it, but I think… I think he feels like he failed you.”

Sarah’s voice caught in her throat, and she squeezed your hand, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “So I’m going to ask you for one last selfish thing,” she whispered. “Talk to him. You two need to have that conversation you’ve both been avoiding. I know it’s hard, but if anyone can take that weight off his shoulders, it’s you. And if anyone understands you the way you need to be understood, it’s him. Promise me you’ll talk to him.”

For a long moment, you were silent, your heart heavy with the truth of her words. You’d spent so much time avoiding the conversation, pretending like it wasn’t necessary. But Sarah was right. You and Joel had both been carrying burdens that neither of you could lift on your own.

“You, Sarah Miller, are the least selfish person I know,” you said softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry if we made you worry. I never wanted whatever was going on between me and my dad to affect you or Joel. I just… I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“I know,” Sarah replied, her voice tender, understanding. “But I’m glad you see it now. I just want you both to be okay.”

The sound of Joel and Ellie bickering in the kitchen drifted into the room, and you couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of Joel trying—and failing—to win the argument. Sarah glanced between you and her father, something thoughtful in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

The first idea for a Worm fanfic that I had, before I even started reading Worm (remember, my entry into Worm was reading about Worm and the controversy about Amy in Ward and yada yada), but while I was reading Worm Fanfic, was an Amy Dallon Peggy Sue fic, but one a bit different from the small handful that I'd found and that hadn't lasted long.

Namely, I wanted one where after the end of Worm (i.e. after restoring Vicky's body and mind, or at least as much as she could, unwretching her, etc) Amy actually does leave Vicky alone, apart from a handful of times where they might accidentally end up in the same space during hero crises in the years after Gold Morning, etc. Eventually Amy moves extra far away from Vicky to reduce those chances.

The actual story opens with Amy on the eve of her 30th birthday. She's had a metric ton of Therapy, though she's hardly some perfectly functional person. She heals for a living, but to satisfy Shaper she has a whole greenhouse of modified plants and she only heals like 2-3 hours a day, barring emergencies. (Also, it's easier to do a task you hate - like healing - if you're getting paid a substantive wage for it, lbr). Anyway, Amy knows Vicky has ever right to not forgive her, given the mind influence and the rape (remember, hadn't read Worm at this point when the idea formed in my mind) and the wretching and stuff, but she can't help but want for her and Vicky to be able to be sisters again. She just doesn't act on that.

And then like, she opens an envelope as she walks into her home and it's an old picture from an old newspaper of Vicky and Amy as Glory Girl and Panacea from some publicity thing and she expresses some wish about if she could do it all again...

And then the next day, wakes up in her younger body, in her room at the Dallon house, back in 2011... the day after the Bank (i.e. the day the Undersiders face Bakuda at the storage place). Obviously at first it's a dream or a nightmare to her, etc etc, she's conflicted when she realizes it's real because now she can be sisters with Vicky again and make sure she never hurts her like she did but she still carries around all the guilt about what she did and feels like she believes she doesn't deserve to have that relationship with past Vicky (I have this whole vision of an early scene from Vicky's POV where she hears Amy going 'no, no, no, no' in her room - which is Amy realizing this isn't a dream and she's freaking out - and then Vicky, worried for Amy bursts in, breaking the door, Aura going wild and Amy feels fear (because the few times she and Vicky interacted after she dewretched her had Amy feeling fear from Vicky's aura) and Vicky realizes Amy is afraid of her, which of course makes Vicky wonder wtf is going on.

Anyway, cue Amy having to try and help save the world and prevent some of the shit that happens to Brockton Bay while only knowing some of what happened, so her ability to make things go better is limited. And wanting to maybe not have as many people die when they beat Scion this time and also maybe Taylor doesn't die, etc. Of course once she starts changing stuff unintended consequences, etc, etc.

And like, key to this fic would be all the guilt Amy carries around about raping Vicky.

And while I knew that the 'Amy raped Vicky' reading of the story was controversial and seen as a retcon by some, I wanted to work with it for this specific fic because it seemed like it would allow some really cool pathos and angst and dramatic reveals and stuff.

But having read 15.x now, I sit here and like - I cannot for the life of me see how to construct a chronicle of events using what we know of what happened where Amy's rape of Vicky actually works and makes sense and feels like something the character actually does.

15.x just... no. There's nothing there to work with.

Which kind of kills the entire idea as I conceived of it, since a key scene I had in mind did involve Amy trying to explain what happened to past Vicky - not giving excuses at all, just laying out what happened to get from point A (OG Amy as of the start of Worm) to point B (The girl who raped her sister)

(I have this vision in mind where Vicky is interrogating Amy trying to figure out what is going on with her [including an accusation of Amy being a stranger], eventually Amy mentions the 'I'm from the future' but Vicky's like 'why are you afraid of me and won't let me hug you and stuff' and Amy's like 'future you hates me for good reason' Vicky demands to know why, Amy, in a fit of high emotion and guilt and so forth screams 'I RAPED YOU!' and after bluescreening for a moment Vicky goes 'wait, so future me hates you because some sick, twisted Master controlled you and forced you to-' because of course Vicky of that point in time can't conceive of Amy ever doing that to her of her own free will and Amy is like 'No, no, you don't get to do that, I did that to myself too much in the past, but it's not true, as much as I might wish it was' or something)

But like, having read 15.x I try to imagine that scene now, Amy explaining the train of events from Bonesaw to Wretching and... I just can't quite figure out how it works.

I mean, if I ever write this and get that far, I can probably try to construct something (if I do write this, it won't be the first Wormfic I write) but like, when the idea first came to me, I knew that there was enough ambiguity in the text that large swaths of the readership genuinely didn't walk away from Worm thinking an actual physical sexual rape happened, but I figured there was something to work with, and there just really isn't.

[holly-natnicole]

Kairi's canon abilities & skills

As a Princess of Heart:

Together with the other 6 Princesses of Heart, Kairi's Heart reveals Hollow Bastion/Radiant Garden's Keyhole. Their Hearts of pure Light are 7 of the 20 pieces of the χ-blade.

Kairi was born with a Heart of pure Light. This makes her able to sense Darkness, able to hold Darkness back temporarily (but it's draining to her), and immune to Corridors of Darkness' corrupting influence since she has zero Darkness in her Heart. Losing her Heart wouldn't have resulted in Naminé's (Kairi's Nobody's) creation if her Heart hadn't taken refuge inside of Sora's; being a regular Somebody, Sora had a small amount of Darkness thus resulting in Naminé when he freed Kairi's Heart from Sora's own by using the Keyblade of Hearts. When she had lost her Heart, Kairi's body (&, presumably, her Soul) was comatose 'til Sora's sacrifice.

It's kinda unclear whether Kairi stopping Sora from fading away in K.H.3 was a Princess of Heart power or solely a Kairi power. The same goes for Sora in K.H.2 reading Kairi's letter opening a Corridor of Light from the Realm of Darkness to the sky above Destiny Islands. And for Kairi in K.H.1 transforming Sora from a Shadow Heartless into either a Somebody (therefore creating a body for Sora) or into a human-looking Heartless same as Ansem the Seeker of Darkness a.k.a. Xehanort's Heartless is (I prefer this one since it'd mean Sora still needs a Replica or a Nobody to become complete). I'm more inclined to see all 3 as Princess of Heart powers, but it's not explicitly confirmed in the videogames.

As a Keyblade-wielder:

Kairi starts out weak for the 1st 15 years of her life, unable to do better than any other non-combatant civilian. She doesn't summon her Keyblade when she gets it; instead, Riku is the one who gives Destiny's Embrace to Kairi.

However, the instant it's given to her, she easily destroyed 2 Shadow Heartless on her own with a single slash each. And, right before Riku gave Kairi her Keyblade in K.H.2, she jumped off a very high up balcony & landed in a squat with no injury.

But Kairi then (instantly after her landing) froze in fear when a bunch of Shadow Heartless surrounded her thus they easily piled up over her. In K.H.3, she froze again when Xehanort-possessing-Terra's-body was 'bout to slash down at her face with his Keyblade; possibly due to P.T.S.D. from the time he grabbed her face with his hand when she was age 4 or 5.

Kairi's main issue is her emotions. "Please work!!" she pleads her Light when using Flower Shoot (a ball of Light) or her magic when casting elemental spells; her self-confidence low or non-existent even after training with Lea, Merlin being their teacher. Understandable, considering the times Kairi had faced enemies she could barely run away from and who easily dragged her around by the wrist. Kairi knows that even after training she isn't strong enough to fight World-ending threats the way Sora and Riku can.

However, after being trained by Merlin, Kairi (despite her troubles) is a competent enough fighter to go toe-to-toe with much more experienced and powerful enemies; e.g. Xion, Saïx, and Xemnas. In that last one's case, she even breaks his Ethereal Blades with her Keyblade and forces him on the defensive 'til he uses Nothingness to drain her energy. With Sora's help, Kairi in K.H.:ReMind kills Armoured Xehanort. Shown in each fight she's in (including when the redhead fights her memory of old man Xehanort in K.H.:Melody of Memory), Kairi focuses on speed & quick attacks that repeatedly cut the enemy thus accumulating damage instead of killing them with a single powerful blow or a single massive magical attack. She's agile enough to dodge the enemy's hits and spells in mid-air, maneuvering herself without Gliding. Kairi also is strong enough to block the enemy's strike at least for a little while, causing a temporary stalemate. She can dismiss & fast re-summon her Keyblade in K.H.:Melody of Memory to keep attacking Xehanort, having learned from when Xemnas grabbed her wrist & twisted in K.H.3 (she stopped moving at the oain whereas her Keyblade being grabbed instead of her wrist prompts Kairi to dismiss Destiny's Embrace then quickly re-summon it). Kairi in K.H.3 can easily slash a Shadow Heartless in half same as she did in K.H.2, but has improved into using Spiral Bloom (a spinning attack) to rapidly cut the enemy several times in a row. She's also able to cast Cura to heal her friends. Kairi in K.H.:ReMind can cast Firaga, Blizzaga, Thundaga, Curaga, Waterga, and Aeroga. Her Shotlock is Heart of a Princess, which allows her to rain down orbs of light on the battlefield. When Kairi is a certain distance away from the enemy, she can use Strike Shift to quickly teleport to them by throwing Destiny's Embrace at them. She can also telekinetically spin her Keyblade around her, then catch it to give the enemy one final slash. With her Seven Wishes attack, she dashes towards the enemy 7 times with Destiny's Embrace held in front of her; it kinda stabs & slashes the enemy as Kairi goes (or tries to go) through them fast then whirls around to do it 6 more times. Same as Terra, she uses Slide to dodge the enemy's attacks when on the ground. Like Riku and Aqua, Kairi uses a hexagonal barrier made of magic to defend herself and she can use her unique counterattack Starcracker to shatter her barrier into a bunch of thalassa seashell shaoes that cut the enemy who is attavking her. With Sora, Kairi sometimes does the team attack named One Heart where each gains a golden wing made of Light & memories whilst they hold hands then together Kairi and Sora fly towards the enemy before using their wings to cut the enemy several times before their wings fade away in a shower of magical feathers displaying memories and they let go of each other's hand to land on the ground.

Kairi at the end of K.H.:Melody of Memory asks for Keyblade Master Aqua to teach her, as she wants to become stronger to fight beside her best friends Sora and Riku.

[wedreamedlove]

The Depth of his Feelings - Evan Character Study

I am going to open this essay with a shocking sentence: Evan is an unreliable narrator.

One of the most magnetic traits Even has as a character is his resolve about his goals, even if it conflicts with his personal desires. This trait has led some people to misunderstand him and think he doesn't love the heroine until Chapter 17 and that he was just using her this entire time. Surprise! These two facts are not mutually exclusive, you can love and use someone at the same time.

(P.S. Every time I think about Evan's romance with his heroine, I think of Margaret Atwood's poem "A truth should exist, it should not be used like this. If I love you—is that a fact or a weapon?").

So, here I am going to tell you that Evan has been falling for the heroine ever since they first met and that it's just his ability to be stunningly ruthless (to his enemies and to himself) that created the "tragedy" of Chapter 16.

First though, I will prove that Evan is an unreliable narrator.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 11 Years Ago Late Autumn TRAJECTORY]

Evan: Every time I come to see you, it always seems to be raining. Evan: I heard it was also a thunderstorm the night I was born. Evan: That Guang Qi City had never experienced such a large storm for many, many years. Evan: At the time, you were alone in the hospital. You must have been very scared. Evan: Later, I often wonder whether or not this counts as a sign from God, that in fact I shouldn't have been born. Evan: That way we would have all been a little freer, and I wouldn't owe you anything. Evan: You wouldn't have had to suffer in silence and you could have left this household unencumbered, returning to who you were before. Evan: Your life would surely have been much better than now. Evan: I saw your past photos and many of them had smiles. Evan: It's a shame I never saw you smile. Evan: I know, you actually never loved me much, most of it was out of responsibility. Evan: I could see it. Evan: But you were the person who treated me best in that household. Evan: ... Mama, even now you must still hate me, right? Evan: All these years and you've never once come into my dreams. Evan: If that day I didn't insist on playing in the back courtyard, would this incident not have happened? Evan: I knew the path was icy, that it was very slippery and unsafe. Evan: Why does fate love to play with people? A person who doesn't want to live can always avoid death, while a person who wants to live ends up dead. Evan: It would have been best for everyone if the person who had drowned was me, right? I'm really not afraid.

At 15 years old, we see that Evan has been under the impression that his mother never loved him. This belief continues to the present and you can see it whenever he talks about his past or thinks about the concept of love. However, in Chapter 14, we are given another perspective.

[CHAPTER 14-5]

Letter: "Little Lang, I'm very sorry for how many creases this letter has." Letter: "My son has been very interested in origami recently and every paper in the house has suffered his ravage." Letter: "He's especially skilled at folding animals, so I asked him to fold a robin to be sent with this letter." Letter: "He knows I like to stay in my room and set the finished paper bird on the windowsill outside before leaving. Before I knew it, he's already grown this tall." Letter: "These are all irrelevant words. Thank you for your concern in the last letter, I'm living very well and I hope that you and my son will always be healthy and safe." The date was earlier than Evan's letter just now and the letter was signed by Robin. This was a past reply! Maybe too much time had passed, because I could no longer feel the emotions attached to it. But a gentle smile still appeared before my eyes, along with a woman who couldn't help but write these words as she watched her child do handcrafts below her windowsill. Did Evan not see that there was this reply? I stopped walking.

In truth, his mother did love him... it's just that things are complicated, such as how her relationship with Evan's dad deteriorated and how she forced a young Evan to practice the cello until his fingers bled or that she cared more about helping the innocent children caught up in the Eclipse Project over protecting her own son from the Blood Clan.

So, now that we know Evan can be an unreliable narrator, it makes his perspective on things untrustworthy.

[CHAPTER 16-13]

You knew it didn't belong to you, so you couldn't lose it. Relationships in this world were supposed to be like this. It was just that, when he took great pains to create a wound to keep her or perhaps even earlier, starting the day he tested her, the relationship between them had changed. Their so-called tacit understanding, coincidences, tears, forgiveness, concern, and trust... all of these were exchanged with lies. Evan turned around and directly pressed the button for the elevator. Just earlier, he nearly lost this weapon. He knew very well that if he didn't do this then she definitely wouldn't stay. Evan couldn't help but sigh emotionally at his superb acting. In that moment of hugging, persuasion to stay, comfort, heartache, jealousy, and interrogation, his body reacted before his brain as if he had really entered that scene. He even felt a faint pain in his chest. She had clearly been deceived, but she only cried and took a light revenge on him. Why didn't she hate him? Why did she still want to help him when she was tricked? Evan thought blankly. She ought to hate him. After being hurt so many times, she ought to know how to guard against him or ask him what he wanted. However, when she opened her bright eyes and took the initiative to say honestly that there was no reason, she just wanted to help him, Evan was at a loss. He even wanted to reach out and cover her eyes with his hand. He felt panicked for no reason, like his darkness and malice had been exposed bare without anywhere to hide.

Honestly, I think this scene in and of itself shows how much he is deceiving himself about his feelings. However, he has to harden his heart so that he can carry out his plan to use the heroine as a weapon to destroy the family head.

[CHAPTER 16 - EPISODE 2 IMPRESSIONS Scales of the Heart]

【1】 There was no moon tonight. Lu Castle stood quietly in the darkness, like a proud and silent shadow. Evan rejected Zhou Yan's offer to follow and walked into the castle alone. He didn't bother to maintain his gentleness of the past and ignored the bowing servants on both sides. His only goal was that man who had disappeared behind the truth. The dusty door to the study had not been opened for a long time and fine dust floated in the air. In the dim light, Evan was momentarily seized with terror but he soon reacted and turned his wrist slightly. The heavy thud of the closed door blocked all of the prying gazes behind him. Behind the large, black walnut desk was a heavy bookshelf that spanned the entire wall and was filled with all kinds of books accumulated over the years, many of which contained the history and secrets of the Blood Clan. Evan inspected this study. Without pausing for long, he walked over and took out the first book with a blank cover. He only had a short time to find what he wanted. Because, after two weeks, he had to present the most suitable vessel. 【2】 In the cold and silent study, only the sound of pages turning could be heard. "It's not this either..." Evan set down the file in his hand again. On it was his father's handwriting, which he was all too familiar with. A long time had passed and reason told him that those people may have noticed his actions, but he still relentlessly searched for evidence—was she a "god"? Evan lowered his eyes, concealing a hint of fatigue. His confrontation with Lu Ting had turned intense and the matter he had looked forward to had a new opportunity. His brain clearly knew what he should do, but a trace of hesitation appeared in his heart. He had forgotten this sort of emotion after his first trial. He searched for that evidence almost unconsciously, but he was uncertain if he truly wanted to obtain that answer. He just kept on repeating this futile action. His longstanding goal, the end of his longing; he had searched and planned for this for a long time and he had anticipated everything he needed to abandon on this road a long time ago. However, when this moment finally came, he found himself hesitating. 【3】 In the past, Evan had imagined it countless times. What was the deepest seabed like? It was lonely and dark, without a ray of light, and there was no way to convey sound, like a prison with no structure. And what was the end of the Blood Clan like? Perhaps it was the opposite of that, a void of nothingness. This bloody and sinful race would greet an eternal sleep in the void. They would have no reincarnation, no future, they would not be recorded in history, and they would be completely forgotten at the end. Recalling the savage and imbecilic arrogance of the Blood Clan controlled by desires, Evan let out a soft sneer from his throat. He knew that there were many eyes watching him, Lu Ting, his grandfather, and the clan. They were expecting him to succeed or perhaps they were expecting him to make a mistake. But he was no longer the child he was back then, and his plan could finally be started. It was just that the girl needed to be used as the most important chip. The scales of fate treated every person who experienced time fairly; to seize something meant losing something at the same time. 【4】 "If she really is a god..." The light in the study flickered for a moment and was caught by Evan's eyes, but the depths of his eyes were still a patch of darkness. He couldn't help but consider this possibility, and many of his guesses were confirmed. Or perhaps the day he tested her with a phantasmagoria, his subconscious had already made a judgment. "What do they think I'm going to do?" That he would do his best to prove the girl did not have the power of a god and could not be used as a vessel for the family head, thus exposing that his relationship with her was close, so much so that he would disregard the highest interests of his race? It was a shame they guessed wrong. If she was a god, then his plan would only become smoother. He would teach her how to use that power—this was also what he wanted to find in the archives—make her become his sharpest blade, and then give her to the family head as a "bomb" that would detonate in desperation. However, when he made this decision, his original thought still lingered—it would be great if he really couldn't find that evidence, he could lie to himself and he could still... send her home as usual. 【5】 Finally, Evan found a secret file in a corner of the bookshelf. He flipped it open. The paper was already yellow and it revealed to him the secret that had been concealed for many years—gods were once experiments of the Blood Clan and his father wrote many coded words about the power of the gods. The scales of his heart swung violently because of this secret. On one side of the scale was his longstanding obsession, on the other side was his already wavering feelings. He knew this opportunity was the chance of a lifetime and, if he missed it, it might be difficult to wait until the next time. He couldn't allow nor accept such a failure. The folder fell on the table and papers scattered in a mess. Evan took off the glasses set on the bridge of his nose and walked to the window. There was no moon in the sky outside, only twinkling stars that watched everything under the sky. To them, the obsessions and various turns and chapters of the world were nothing but insignificant moments. At this inopportune time, he wondered what the girl was doing right now. Was she worrying about the heavy work these days, or was she celebrating her success at this stage? Evan hesitated for a moment and then was silent for a long time. Finally, the scale still crashed to one side. His pale and stern face was reflected on the dark window and he withdrew his eyes, his expression turning cold. There had always been only one path he walked: by all means, without fear of sacrifice. Therefore, at least in this moment, and maybe only in this moment, he wanted to make this sort of choice.

First, I have to gush about this passage because it is one of my favorite impressions. It almost breaks the 4th wall, because among the eyes that are watching Evan's actions are ours, the readers, and we think we know the answer because this is an otome game and he is a male lead, except Evan takes this to the brink of no return. The repercussions of his actions, depicted later in the game, only cement the weight of the decision he makes here. He is so ruthless!

However, if there are still doubts about his feelings (despite how obvious his inner conflict has been depicted) then his actions later should thoroughly convince everyone of his feelings because:

After giving the heroine to the family head as a bomb, Evan was 0.1cm away from achieving his lifelong goal, except he turns back to save the heroine, thus exposing himself to all his enemies;

Evan, who could have killed the family head and Lu Ting, missed his opportunity because Lu Ting distracted him with the heroine's safety and now Lu Ting is stronger than ever after consuming the family head's soul; and

Warson is experiencing a financial crisis, thanks to Lu Ting manipulating the stocks, but Evan takes the risk in allowing the heroine to keep her fashion project under the brand Pristine instead of moving it to a more reliable brand for profit, an action that goes against what the chairman of Warson should do to maximize profits.

Now, look me in the eye and tell me that Evan is not horribly in love with the heroine, because he is making things endlessly hard on himself by making all these mistakes and concessions for her. This man is absolutely wrecked by love.

Shifting gears, but it's intriguing that Evan and the heroine share a commonality in how they were very close to their maternal grandmothers, one of the few people that showed them unconditional love. In Chapter 16, Zhou Yan comments on how the heroine reminds him of a younger Evan, because they both have a gentle exterior but they are opinionated and, once they set their eyes on a goal, they will achieve it no matter what. Evan believes they are similar because they both became tools.

However, my opinion is that both Evan and the heroine are too soft for their own good. Evan chides the heroine many times in his mind about how she's better off without him, but honestly the same can be said for him because he never considers his own safety when it comes to her either.

[CHAPTER 17-5]

Matters had come to this point, but why did she still not hate him? She should hate him after being tormented like this. Evan: Have you never thought about yourself? Evan: You should wish for something to happen to me, not worry about my safety. Evan: You're not eating properly or sleeping properly. You're disobedient, and you never learn.

[SSR Enticing Feast DATE]

Everything had been arranged to let her see his true self. That vile, contemptible, hypocritical, and brutal self. It was best for her to hate him. The farther away she was, the safer. So, when he saw her rejecting him with natural fear and dread on her face, he only felt happy.

But Evan and the heroine are helplessly drawn to each other and I once wrote an essay about how their relationship can be summarized "Like Moths to Flames". I'm actually going to revisit this topic again because the Light and Night writers have added a lot more onto this imagery.

In my opinion, while it isn't a golden rule in stories with traditional gothic vampires, a lot of creators like to explore the aspect of how these creatures—so closely linked to death but are immortal—long for some kind of oblivion. The ultimate romance for them is something that ends in their own ruin and death.

Now, look at these exhibits below, and see how Evan's feelings for the heroine also flirts with death.

[Serene Forest Night EVENT]

Did four-legged animals use less energy when they walked? My thoughts flew to the skies and I pestered Evan, asking him, if you can turn into an animal, what will you choose? Evan looked around and a moth happened to pass in front of us. He pointed at it casually and said, I'll be a moth then. Honestly, he must be joking.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Summer TRAJECTORY]

The second thing I lost was a mechanical pocket watch. I couldn't sleep the night after I threw it into the fireplace. The wind whistled outside and I felt my temples throb again and again, much like the tempo of that watch. That night I felt that I was about to become a pocket watch, a heinous one that would lead people astray and had to suffer abuse. I wanted to be it, I wanted to be it so badly. From the moment it broke free from my hand and threw itself eagerly into the face of the raging flames, I saw a kind of inspiration that put me to shame.

[CHAPTER 16-13]

Suddenly, a small figure appeared in front of my eyes. It was a skinny boy and he knelt in front of a fireplace that burned vividly like a fiery sunset. A few wooden blocks hit him all of a sudden and the boy picked them up without a word, throwing them into the fire silently. The flames leapt, just like the light in a pupil. The scene ended. I couldn't see the boy's face, but somehow I felt that it was familiar.

[CHAPTER 16-15]

These days I couldn't help but think of the scene I saw when I touched it that day. That must have been Evan's past. I didn't know why he threw those wooden blocks into the fireplace. Later, I tried to touch it again but I still couldn't see the cause, I could only see his hands gripping the hem of his clothes tightly. I even had the misconception that he wanted to throw himself into those raging flames.

[CHAPTER 16-15]

He suddenly thought sorrowfully that, if she were to open her eyes in this moment, would she find that he was this unfamiliar to begin with? The person that you admired, that you cared about, that you forgave, was actually not him. Meanwhile, because he acted as that person, he lost himself in the act. He was too close. The girl's breath hit his face and it was very hot. It made him recall the firelight of the fireplace which had also once thrown itself onto his face like this many years ago. Time stood still in this inopportune moment and he was startled by the sudden surge of desire in his body. Evan straightened up and made himself cool down quickly. Desire turned to disappointment and stuffed his chest full. Don't get any closer, he told himself. Don't get any closer.

[CHAPTER 17-5]

Evan closed his eyes. He had carried out countless plans but this was the only time where he didn't know whether it was a success or a failure. Originally, he had only wanted to hide her that day and confess everything to her after the crisis was dealt with. It didn't matter even if she hated him, as long as she didn't leave again. He would rather be entangled to the bitter end than be strangers who owed nothing to each other. This wasn't right, but he wanted to do this and so he did. He had never been as loyal to his heart as he was then, truly and genuinely fighting for something for once. However, matters developed to this point and escaped his control a long time ago. In that case, she should just... hate him to the end then. It was better than being strangers.

In conclusion, I honestly think it's impossible to say that Evan was simply using the heroine until he caught feelings for her Chapter 16 and onwards. He's been attracted to someone who can so easily be his ruin since the very beginning and every step he's taken since has been him struggling with his goal and personal desires.

(P.S. Did you catch how I named this essay the depth of his feelings because of the homonym between "depth" and "death"? Haha, I'm sorry for the terrible joke.)

Lastly, I will end this essay with this scene about how hard Evan wishes to tie himself to the heroine, even after death.

[SR Butterfly Kiss On Top]

[MC]: Evan, if there was a day I left this world, will I also become a butterfly? Evan was slightly startled and the fingers that held my palm gradually closed in. Evan: What kind of butterfly do you wish to become? [MC]: Hmm... I've thought about it and, never mind, I don't really want to be a butterfly. I pulled Evan to jog a few steps forward and the light that spilled through the tree branches fluctuated. [MC]: I'll become sunlight! Then I can shine on the person I want to shine on. [MC]: When I land on him, he'll be able to feel my remaining warmth. I swung Evan's hand and sheepishly stuck out my tongue. [MC]: Does it sound a little weird? But Evan lowered his eyes, which contained a smile. Evan: Not at all. [MC]: What about you then? What do you want to become? He thought for a while, looking over my shoulder at the ray of light on the low wall. Evan: Dust, I suppose. [MC]: Oh? Why do you want to become dust? I stopped involuntarily and Evan raised his hand, combing my hair that had been tangled by the breeze. Evan: Dust is often difficult for people to detect, only when it's in the sunlight can you see its floating motes. Evan: I don't care whether or not I can be seen by others— Evan: Because it's only when you perceive me that my existence has meaning.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

New Rule: Whoa, Canada | Real Time with Bill Maher

And finally, New Rule. If we want to save our country, we should follow the advice good liberals have given for decades and learn from other countries.

Especially those beacons of progressivism like Canada, England, and Scandinavia, and I agree we should, as long as we're honest about the lessons we're learning. And as long as we're up to date on the current data. Such as, the unemployment rate in the US is 3.8 percent. And in Canada, it's 6.1. And of the 15 North American cities with the worst air pollution, 14 are in Canada.

I'm not citing these stats because I have it out for Canada. I love Canada, and its people, and always have, but I hate zombie lies. Zombie lies. That's when things change but what people say about them doesn't. Yes, for decades, places like Vancouver, and Amsterdam, and Stockholm seemed idyllic, because everything was free and all the energy we needed was produced by riding a bike to your job at the windmill. Canada was where all the treasured goals of liberalism worked perfectly. It was like NPR come to life but with poutine.

Canada was the Statue of Liberty with a low-maintenance haircut and cross-country skis. A giant idealized blue state with single-payer health care, gun control, and abortion on polite demand. Canada was where every woke White college kid, wearing pajama pants outdoors who'd had it up to here with America's racist patriarchy, dreamt of living someday. I mean, besides Gaza.

There's only one problem with thinking everything's better in Canada. It's not. Not anymore anyway. Last year, Canada added 1.3 million people, which is a lot in one year. The equivalent of the US adding 11 million migrants in one year. And now, they are experiencing a housing crisis even worse than ours. And we're sleeping in tents. The median price of a home here is 346 grand, in Canada, converted to US dollars, it's 487. If Barbie moved to Winnipeg, she wouldn't be able to afford her dream house and Ken would be working at Tim Hortons. And because of mortgage debt, Canada has the highest debt to GDP ratio of any G7 nation. I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad.

So does their vaunted health care system, which ranks dead last among high income countries in access to primary health care and ability to see a doctor in a day or two. And it's not for lack of spending. Of the 30 countries with universal coverage, Canada spends over 13 percent of its economy on it, which is a lot of money for free health care.

Look, I'm not saying Canada still isn't a great country. It is, but those aren't paradise numbers. If Canada was an apartment, the lead feature might be "America adjacent." And if America was a rental car, Canada would be "America or similar."

And again, honestly, Canada, I'm not saying any of this 'cause I enjoy it. I don't, 'cause I've always enjoyed you. But I need to cite you as a cautionary tale to help my country. And the moral of that tale is, "Yes, you can move too far left." And when you do, you wind up pushing the people in the middle to the right. At its worst, Canada is what American voters think happens when there's no one putting a check on extreme wokeness.

Like the saga of Canadian shop teacher, Kayla Lemieux, whose pronouns are she/her and those. Kayla is now back to being a guy named Kerry, but two years ago when "they" showed up to teach children, the progressive high school "they" taught at said that they-- They, the school, not the person. Really? You couldn't have found another word? We were using that one. Anyway, okay. They were committed to a safe environment for gender expression. Safe for who? What about the children? What about the equipment in that shop class?

You know, there was once a weirdo D-list movie producer in the '60s named Russ Meyer who made low-budget B movies like Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! And Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Always featuring women who look like this. His movies played in porn houses and were featured in Hustler and Playboy. Okay, fine, but who says, "No, when it comes to huge, ridiculous tits, let's save that for the kids."

And this is why people vote for Trump. They say in politics, liberals are the gas pedal and conservatives are the brakes, and I'm generally with the gas pedal, but not if we're driving off a cliff.

On the trans issue, America is no ands, ifs, or buts about it, absolutely alone in the world now. An outlier country. Last month, England's National Health Service announced that there's "not enough evidence to support the safety or clinical effectiveness" of puberty blockers for third graders, and that they were going to stop fumbling around with children's privates, because that's Prince Andrew's job.

So too with all the other good place countries in direct opposition to America's choice to affirm children's wishes on switching gender, no matter the age or psychiatric history. The Far Left, which always like to use, "Well, Europe does it." Yeah, no, that doesn't work on this one anymore.

Or on immigration. Sweden opened its borders to over a million and a half immigrants since 2010. And now 20 percent of its citizens are foreign-born and its education system is tanking, and it has Europe's highest rate of gangland killings. And one result is that the far-right parties are in the government now there for the first time.

To which liberals say, "Blaming immigrants for the rising crime rate is racist." Yeah, but is it true? Of course, it's true. It's not a coincidence. The quality of life went down after the Somali gangs started a drug turf war using hand grenades.

Calling it "racist" doesn't solve the problem. It hands future elections to someone who will solve the problem, and who, I promise, you're not going to like.

==

For the record, I've said literally all of this, including making the comparison of flying off a cliff if you rely entirely on the gas pedal. Just saying.

When Trump takes office again, and he will, people will act stunned and ask, "how could this have ever happened?"

[pancake-breakfast]

Tired and headachey, but not yet ready for sleep, so I will read more Trigun.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 4, Chapters 1-2 below.

TriMax Volume 4 Covers

Knives looks so nice on the cover, you could almost forget he's a villain.

My Japanese isn't good enough to translate Nightow's chicken scratch without putting in more effort than I'm going to tonight, so I'm pretending that Vash is crying because he's hungry and really doesn't want to give up this, the perfect bowl of ramen, to someone else.

Ey! It's a tiny Zazie! Also, that looks like Ninelives again on the back cover, and if he shows up in this volume in any useful capacity, I might have to break something.

Also also, saxophone! I wonder how Midvalley's spine is doing.... (Better than Legato's, probably. That boi's gonna have back pain for life.)

I'd be screaming if there was a cockroach on my neck, too, Wolfwood.

"Killer Horn Blues." I WONDER who we'll see in THAT chapter!

Chapter 1: Countdown

Jessica, are you not like 15?

Does... does Vash know he's your sweetie? Has he agreed to this??

LOL, Vash brought the boys. He knows better than to be alone with her. Brad looks happy, at least.

Wait, does "the boys" here include Twolives?! How in the world!??!

Pretty sure the LAST thing Brad wants to do is insult Jessica's food.

LOL, Wolfwood looks like his brain farted out at the idea of a satellite with intergalactic communication abilities. Vash is probably right to try and clear up the situation, despite Wolfy's protests.

Oh, hey! I recognize that globe!

Interesting that it took them like 50 years just to get the comm signal working enough to send messages to earth.

Something something casual clothes Wolfwood!

Meryl wearing fringe!!!

This is... actually a really nice prayer.

Oop, machine go *bing!*

Uhhhhh... I hope the Earth ship is gonna bring supplies if it's heading this way, given how little the people here have.

Casual boys! Casual boys!!!

LOL, the girls are already drunk somehow....

Luida, thanking those who put in so much work but didn't quite make it to the day....

Heh, Vash's drinking tie has made an appearance.

Whoa. Angry Knives face jumpscare. Why's he gotta be like that??

Welp, that sobered Vash up real quick.

He was trying to make an angel arm in the last volume! Knives, sir! Put. That. Away!

Something sharp seems to be moving very fast....

Ohhh, Knives picked up the signal and isn't pleased.

He... he might make good on his threat. He has the ability. Also, glad he doesn't have his stupid helmet and that chest spike anymore. Also also, he needs to finish belting those belts on his one leg.

Brad might still be a bit iffy about Vash, but at this point, Vash trusts Brad. Their relationship has come a long way.

I honestly don't blame Vash for wanting to sneak out before Jessica notices. If I had someone that clingy forcing me into an uncomfortable romance situation, I'd skedaddle, too.

LOL, Wolfwood freezing outside. Insisting he comes along. Not giving Vash a say in the matter, really.

Jessica. Honey. Move on.

Chapter 2: Killer Horn Blues

So, we've gone through about half the Gung-Ho Guns at this point.

Looks Like Midvalley's band really killed it onstage, huh?

Heh, for all the weirdness in the Gung-Ho Guns, it seems like Midvalley and Hoppered get along pretty decently.

Ohhh, is this flashing between present time and when Midvalley was recruited?

Knives looks eerily similar to Vash here. His expression is almost kind. He looks like Vash when Vash is tired.

Dude. Midvalley. This is not a good way to live one's life.

Midvalley might have saved his bandmates' lives by telling them to stand down. He might be belittling himself for not noticing a bad deal when it comes his way, but in this flashback, it seems like he actually did recognize it, and perhaps just didn't know what to do about it.

Knives, knife collector. I like it.

I like how in the spread of the Gung-Ho guns here, Wolfwood's cross is unmistakable. Just in case for some reason the reader forgot, they're taking the time to remind you that this is where Wolfwood was some volumes back. Though, notably, Wolfwood himself doesn't appear to be in this shot? Or at least not recognizably. There's a lot going on here so maybe I'm just not seeing it....

Midvalley understands that someone interested in genociding the human race isn't going to stop once his elite chosen have wiped out the last of the others. He knows his life is forfeit as soon as the job is done. And he has no idea how to get out of this deal.

Eyyy, it's sopping wet cat Legato!

There we go. The reveal of what exactly Wolfwood's role is in all this, as assigned by Knives himself. I'm sure this will bode well in the long-term for Vash and Wolfwood's relationship and nothing bad will happen to either of them because of it.

Hahahaha, Legato didn't know. He feels left out. Unlike Midvalley, he somehow thinks he might be of value to Knives. He wants to be of value to Knives so bad. And it just makes him more of a monster.

Ah, Midvalley didn't manage to save is band after all....

Some part of him really, really wants to take out Knives. Even if the attempt will kill him.

For some reason, I suspect Knives knows Midvalley's feelings on this. I think Vash would know if their positions were switched. And Knives can figure it out, too.

I'm gonna pretend Wolfwood is jealous of Rem, this unknown woman who Vash is obsessed with, because he's misreading the situation and overly attached to Vash.

"A few million miles without water." LOL

Wolfwood's brain is too far in work mode right now. Stop it, Wolfy.

I hope that car is the girls.

YUUUUUUUUSSSSSS

Meryl flaunting her water as they drive by is priceless.

Heh. No more solo missions for the Gung-Ho Guns against Vash. They're losing too many of their numbers that way.

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10 || Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6 || Volume 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Volume 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I’m curious if you have any thoughts on Zayn’s album/album promo? The album charted at #3 in the UK with 15,275 units and at #15 in the US with 29,311, so charts wise there’s a definite improvement from his last album.

This is a really interesting question anon - I haven't listened to much of his album - but I've listened to enough to get a sense of the sound. I haven't seen any of the promo, except what comes across my dash (I haven't had a lot of time this year - as shown by my intermittent appearances here).

I do have some thoughts - but because of my distance there may be a lot that I'm missing. I do think this is noticeably different from Zayn's other albums and album roll-outs.

Zayn's earlier roll-outs came in two different phases - and one blended into another. At first he was doing a lot of promo - and it became increasingly clear that he was doing the promo reluctantly, he wasn't good at it, and it wasn't good for him. This continued as his career went on, even though he was doing less and less (I'm remembering the profile where they went on a boat and Zayn disappeared). He did less and less, and there was less and less promo.

Obviously we don't know - but this feels different. It feels like Zayn is comfortable doing more than he's ever done before, but there's also someone who is working with Zayn, rather than working around Zayn (which is definitely the vibe with the profile on the boat and some of the music videos).

The impression I get is that it's not just that Zayn has got to a place where he's comfortable doing a bit more (although that has happened), but that he's got a team who can see that figuring out what he can do and working from that is more effective than trying to make him what is needed.

I think this change (if I'm right that it exists) is not necessarily about his team being better at their jobs, let alone ethically better. I think it's more an indication of how the environment has changed. It wouldn't have been clear that there was money to be made off Zayn starting with what he can do. In 2015, I imagine that everyone working with 1D (and everyone in 1D) thought the options were Justin Timberlake or a punchline.

The early career of everyone, but Niall seems really shaped by that belief and that fear. But very slowly Niall and Louis have both shown it's not true. I think that their ability to keep going will have made it seem like there are heaps more options (Louis' experience really showed that there was more time than anyone would have imagined).

The new approach seems to have worked - as you've noted. This new approach has given Zayn a solid release (at a really busy time). The real money is in touring (although it's possible that the endorsements are bringing in cash), but this is solid enough that he should be able to continue to do it. I'm really happy for him.

[effingunicorns]

14, 23, 24 for the choose violence ask?

I know very little about fma but I promise to take all your fandom opinions on it as gospel.

you are exceptionally kind (◡‿◡ ) this post is now front-loaded as hell.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

god, how to pick? obviously there's the whole bottom Ed thing--I don't usually care about top/bottom discourse in m/m ships unless someone's trying to say Dean Winchester's not a bottom, but there are literally only 51 Roy/Ed fics on AO3 where Ed tops out of more than 4,000 total fics in the ship tag, or out of a little under 2,000 if you restrict it to mature, explicit, and unrated fic. That's 1-2.5%!!! and I wrote two of them!!! why does no one believe in variety here!!!

but it gets better, because there's also several things that scream "I don't know how to deal with the passage of time in canon". basically, due to a huge personal fuck-up, Ed starts canon with two prosthetic limbs and the ability to transmute things into new shapes with a clap of his hands, as opposed to studying and making advance preparations like anyone else. he's also incredibly short for his age. he slowly and measurably gets taller as canon goes--which is weird enough for a manga/anime even before you factor in that his being sensitive about his height is key to a running gag--and at the very end there's a sequence of events where his prosthetic arm gets destroyed, his brother sacrifices himself to get Ed's original arm back, and then Ed sacrifices his ability to do alchemy at all to bring his brother back, having finally learned the lesson that people are more important than power. then everyone lives happily ever after and Ed grows to a perfectly normal height for his age--arguably even tall.

so naturally every post-canon fic is Edward Elric Keeps His Automail or Edward Elric Keeps His Alchemy, or both at once, or both at once and not even tagged for, or not in a way that can be properly wrangled. Ed still being short is such a given that the only tag regarding his height is if he actually gets tall like canon says he does! and there's a frankly weird amount of self-loathing over things he never had a problem with in canon, or things he pretty clearly came to terms with--it's exactly like that post from the other day about characters who are funny or mean to conceal their real feelings getting mischaracterized because fandom is too focused on the chewy bits.

and all of this isn't even getting into the fics where he stays in the military, but there are other questions to get into!

23. ship you’ve unwillingly come around to

I wouldn't add it to my wheelhouse or anything, but I've learned to see where the Elricest shippers are coming from. Ed and Al basically raise themselves for most of their childhood. Most of their few age-appropriate friends are some combination of fellow genius, royalty, and assassin, and the rest of their friends are mostly adults who treat them as fellow adults. their respective concepts of normal are off on another planet somewhere, and so it doesn't seem like as huge a leap as I used to think for them to say fuck it and add another taboo to the list. sure, they screwed up hard on the last one, but at least this one isn't likely to cost them body parts, right???

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

so far I've actively made an effort to not go searching things out. partially this is because stirring the pot in such an ancient fandom feels mean, and partially this is because I've got other wank to look at when I'm hungry, but legitimately I think most of the really bad stuff is buried in 15- to 20-year-old LJ comments, abandoned message boards, and the like. there's evidence of fancops in these lands, to be sure, but when the two actual most popular m/m ships in the fandom are 14-year age gap starring a teenager and brother/brother incest, and the most viable alternatives to either are all m/f, they don't really have room to shit all over everything.

(I kind of want to invite folks to send me evidence to the contrary so I can preemptively block, but I pretty much never get trouble here, so it wouldn't really make a difference 🤷🏻‍♀️)

the choose violence ask game! (or in app mode if my theme is too much)

[koreyeet]

I had ideas this was impulsive sorry not sorry

Knuckles and Rouge’s twins

They are the last kids they’re having, no more. They always stick together and are known as the TNT duo.

Tique (nickname is Hood)

The more level-headed and tends to think outside of the box and is decently crafty with materials given to her, she isnt a genius compared to the other kids but she can make useful things in the moment. She even made the cloak she wears 24/7 along with other article of clothing some of her friends are seen to wear (she made Tage's outfit and she absolutely loves it).

-Her spines, face, and arms where tattooed by her dad

-self esteem issues

-Jealous by her oldest sister and twin so she just made a cape to form as wings

Tage - Hybrid

Strategist and more of the brains of the operation and is pretty proud of herself, being a hybrid, something that’s uncommon to see, she has the abilities of both parents so she can hit like a truck and fly as far as her energy gives. But alot of her actions are impulsive and yes they thought out (in the moment) other factors arent looked at that might lead to problems.

-will beat the shit out of you if you call Tique a porcupine

-not interested in her heritage, she tried

-knows facts better then common sense

-extrovert

Shadow and Zero/ Infinite’s son

At the moment, he is like 4 years old and acts like a puppy, sticking to his parents and siblings and constantly following them or hiding behind there legs. He's kind of like Max from max and ruby he doesn't talk much and when he does it's one word sentences and it's just to get something. He's literally a sick child what else do you expect.

His relationships with his siblings are positive compared to other times, Meg thinks he’s adorable and Seven likes having a younger sibling like the rest of her friends.

I'm stuck between his origin being the main project of trying to create a living weapon and Seven being the prototype but she emerged early and he just called it a day and kept Viper in suspended animation for like 15 years, Zero and Shadow wanting another kid, or Tails making him like Eggman without permission. Either way they have another kid that I'm gonna kill off.

-unlike Seven he is unstable and goes to the doctors pretty often, mostly due to him getting sick a lot (he’s been in and out of the hospital since he was born)

-if Viper grew up he would be pretty powerful and maybe a threat

-tiny fangs

-can’t use his powers because he would get extremely overwhelmed and his inhibitors could barely hold in the energy

-dies in some accident when he’s 6-7 and his parents aren’t allowed to mourn his death ✌️

[pavspatch]

Stability Not the Spectacular at Celtic

LOOK after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. Give that old saying a football twist, and it pretty much sums up the philosophy of Stalybridge Celtic's new co-majority shareholders Nigel Jones and Paul Bowden.

There are no grandiose statements to win the attention and approval of supporters, no plans to win Football League status within ten or 15 years, and no huge infrastructure projects. Instead, there's plenty of talk of incremental progress starting with winning promotion from the Pitching In first division west back up to the premier division.

Mr Jones equates it all with what would be called the discovery phase in business — finding out what works, what doesn't work, and what could be done better.

"It’s a journey of continual improvement. You don’t get everything right at once but if you keep steadily improving things will follow from there. It’s all about improving the squad, governance, the matchday experience and the relationship fans. That’s how we’ll drive things forward," he explained.

"First of all we need to get the right squad in place and time is against us. We have to hit the ground running and although we've been co-owners less than a week we've already made some moves such as a fans' forum on Monday, June 5. The rest will come over the next few weeks and months.

"Paul and I believe the fans are ready for a change. It's been a difficult few years culminating in last season' relegation. Rob Gorski was at the club a long time and we need to show that the change people are demanding is taking place. They need to see we’re not just following the status quo.

"We’ve started the process by appointing a new manager. That’s no reflection on Chris Willcock’s abilities – I don’t actually know him at all – but Stalybridge Celtic needs a fresh start. We also need to maximise revenues. By doing that we’ll have more money for players. We need to have the best team we can.

"First and foremost we’ll look at the more straightforward things like sponsorship and increasing matchday revenues. Let's take things one step at a time, focus on the little things first and gradually build up."

After going through seven managers in ten years (eight including the Paul Phillips's partner Steve Halford), plus many other comings and goings, the new owners also believe the club craves and indeed requires a period of stability.

In James Kinsey, who was with Mr Jones at Wythenshawe Town, they believe they have a manager who can provide it. Their intention is to have him in charge for a lengthy period.

"We need stability 100 per cent. I know James well and have worked with him. We're looking for him to be with us for many years and that's something I think is very important at this level," said Mr Jones.

"He'll be given a budget and he’ll have full control of that. James can consult us if he feels he needs to but we’re more than happy to let him get on with it.

"James is young and he has that energy and drive that goes with youth. That energy he brings is fantastic and it will make a big difference, especially if we can get the fans with us."

One of the charges often levelled at Rob Gorski was that he treated Stalybridge Celtic as a hobby rather than a business. It was an accusation he utterly refuted, and Jones and Bowden insist it's the same with them.

Although Mr Jones willingly talks about fun and getting a buzz, he adds that he and his co-majority shareholder are determined to change the club's fortunes and turn it into a success.

He said: "We’re deadly serious. We accept it’s going to be very tough to take Celtic into profit but we want to win. I run a business that employs 500 people and that’s a challenge. There are good times and there are bad times.

"While Paul lives in Bristol, I live in Sale and represent the local face of our partnership. I’m planning to be at Bower Fold every week and we're going to put some good governance in place. We really want to do this properly.

"Stalybridge Celtic has a good name in the North West and that's why we were interested in buying it. There are also some good people at the club who put a lot of time in for no financial reward – just for the love of it."

And what of the much talked-about state-of-the-art 3G pitch and new social club Celtic have chased for so long? Mr Jones added: "Every non-league club will have researched 3G pitches and know the money they can bring in from things like midweek five-a-side leagues.

"There may be grants available from bodies such as from the Football Foundation, but these things take time and are a big commitment.

"We’re not going to promise A, B and C or say we'll suddenly transform Bower Fold. We’re going to start by concentrating on what happens on the pitch. Hopefully, we should be able to achieve promotion quite quickly – maybe even in the first season. We'll move on from there."

[extracontentmediareviews]

Zero Escape: Virtues Last Reward was Compelling...But It's Presentation Could Have Been Better...

(not necessarily a review)

After finishing this title, I find myself unsure regarding my sentiments towards it, especially considering its prominence in the visual novel (VN) genre. By all means, I enjoyed it (for the most part) and it has certainly left me curious (perhaps even itching) to play the other two titles…but there were several things that ultimately felt artistically frustrated in terms of presentation, visual design choices, and narrative pacing.

(Since writing this article originally, I now own 999 and hope to start it in the coming week!)

GAMEPLAY

The gameplay of Virtue's Last Reward is split into two parts — escape-room sections (ERS) and traditional visual novel sections (VNS) with the latter offering a more innovative take on the core concept than the first. (I will expand on this in the STORY section below.)

While the story took me a while to get into, the puzzles were what kept me coming back. Each room offered nothing out of reach or supremely unique from typical “escape-room” puzzles. Despite this they were engaging nonetheless and delivered a delightful dose of dopamine whenever you got an answer right. The puzzles also grew more involved the further down a story route you got with some even requiring mathematical scratchwork to be done on a piece of paper or on the DS. This is where the nature of the DS really lent itself to the experience. Besides a particularly idiotic dice puzzle near the end, the levels on hard mode felt balanced. Near the end however, I admittedly used a guide to breeze past the “final level” as it was a culmination room that featured returning puzzles leveled up slightly in difficulty. While I have no particular complaints about the nature of this final-level-gameplay, I was not interested in taking this obstacle too seriously as it would have wrenched in a narratively empty hour-long pause on the story’s climax. (I’ve found that in recent years, I primarily engage with games for a story and characters, especially if it’s a VN, than for any sort of innovative gameplay, which tends to fall secondary.)

(QUALITY OF LIFE)

The VNS played out like a typical VN, with the player clicking through dialogue and making choices that would affect what happened next. Incredibly, the entire game is voice acted, save for lines spoken by the player-character. Per VN standard, this game allows you to click through at your own pace, but the ability to completely skip repeated dialogue (of which there are copious amounts) was a feature less intuitively found. This is my chief criticism on the gameplay aspect of the “story” as I was about 18-20 hours in before I figured out you can click the “auto-play” button on the bottom right twice to “fast forward.” Given the nature of The Nonary Games story is to “rewind” and play through previously unchosen routes, the novel sections started to feel long-winded and redundant, particularly after the 15-hour mark. 

STORY and PACING

This leads me to reflecting on the story and how it unfolded. At its core, Virtue’s Last Reward is a visual novel game that relies on the intrigue of player choice affecting the outcome. As mentioned before, this game takes a very unique approach to the traditional “branching” aspect of VN games. It creatively utilizes the “going-back-and-trying-different-routes” gameplay as essential means to progress the overall story. It’s not just about finding a different ending, but rather finding out how every ending is interconnected and necessary to the ultimate reality. 

The deviating plot lines did an excellent job of heightening intrigue without becoming overwhelming; they perpetuated the suspense and kept the shadow of suspicion distributed evenly to every character. Voting sequences were genuinely charged moments, and the anticipation to see how your partner voted was palbable and pleasantly unpredictable. However, for as clever as all this was, the game did toe the line on being a little too dense. There were 24 possible endings in this game, all of which were (arguably) needed to unlock the entire plot. It took approximately 30 hours to get through it all, but I found my attention began waning by hours 15-20. 

There were several contributing factors to this: repeated dialogue/scenes (that again, I didn’t realize how to skip through until 20 hours in), plot lines that were evident in ⅓ of the game and not the other ⅔ (bomb plot line), backstories that felt a little too far fetched (K), and characterization inconsistencies (Dio) to name a few. (He was a dick in the whole game except for one specific timeline, even though his ultimate purpose remained unchanged). In addition to a very drawn out expositional beginning and unnecessarily detailed breakdowns of possible bracelet pairings at every chromatic door (just give me the options, not a 10 minute explanation to the options), the smattering of scientific and social theories like Schrodinger’s cat, the Chinese room, the velocity variance in different gravitational settings, and the laws of robots dogged the overall expositional pacing. In some cases it even made the narrative out to be a little try-hard, purporting itself as something more profound via convolution than it may really be. I don’t even know how many additional scientific theory explanations they jammed into the final hour of the game…and then I wasn’t even sure when the game did end. I had to look it up.

Another pace killer was navigating around the map during the VNS. Such movement was conveyed by a dot on a top-down projection of the facility. When you moved from one room to another you had to sit through an animation of your little dot heading down a hallway, which would then cut to a scene of a door being opened before resuming to its destination. You probably have to watch the door opening animation 100+ times before you finish the game, let alone repeated route animations several times over.

On a personal note, I also found the narrative prose shifting from character dialogue to Sigma’s internal literature-style “narration” a little off-putting and unnecessary. The game could cut 90% of those particular scripts and nothing would notably suffer for it. (Sigma was not an interesting or likable character.)

VISUAL PRESENTATION

Visually, I thought this game was extremely lackluster. Everything felt bleak, empty, and somewhat rudimentary: from backgrounds, to character models, to VNS asset framing. The argument could be made that this was “the point,” (the story is a pretty bleak premise) but I still expected more from the visuals given its forefront position in the VN genre. Looking into it, I saw the studio operated under the misconception that shifting the project from its original DS development to the new 3DS platform meant everything had to be 3D (Sadhev). Though the director himself says he was satisfied with the quality of the models, I think a lot was sacrificed in light of this decision.

Besides the escape puzzle rooms (that still lacked any genuine energy or intrigue), the main settings in this game, where you spend 90% of your time, were limited to small variants of three backgrounds: the warehouse, the AB room, and doors. The rest of the facility was resigned to an overhead diagram/map, resulting in a largely uninspiring and boring world. 

Character models lost significant personality and depth from their hand-drawn counterparts due to bland textures and geometry limitations. Animations were simple and in several cases awkward by either positioning (Alice’s hands) or texture. On Tenmyouji for example, it was quite noticeable how the mouth was more-or-less a flat image plastered onto a plane. Dio had an equally confusing “shocked” face.

Rendered event scenes looked dated, reminiscent of 15 year old PS1 graphics like in Final Fantasy VII than anything contemporary.

Amidst all this employment of 3D, voting results and character backstories still featured traditionally drawn graphics. Juxtaposing these to the less-than stellar 3D execution enforced how much more visually striking the entire title could have been if everything had remained traditionally illustrated. The hand drawn quality just evoked so much more emotion and visual intrigue.

As for the character Designs themselves, I have a different post talking about my feelings regarding those.

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References:

Sadhev, Ishaan. “Virtue’s Last Reward Director on Going 3D and the Future of Visual Novels.” Siliconera, 1 Nov. 2012, https://www.siliconera.com/virtues-last-reward-director-on-going-3d-and-the-future-of-visual-novels/.

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(I played Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward on the 3DS in its original 2012 iteration, in 2024. For the sake of prose, I will be referring to Virtue’s Last Reward interchangeably with The Nonary Games.)

[vinceleemiller]

Their Sabotage Is God's Path For Success | 1 Samuel 18:12-16

Are you being set up for an impossible task?

Welcome to the Daily Devo. I am Vince Miller.

This week, we are reading 1 Samuel 18. I've titled this chapter "Allies and Adversaries."

Yesterday, we explored the time bomb of jealousy and anger through the actions of Saul and David in contrast. Now let's see how David moves through this experience in verses 12-16:

Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul. So Saul removed him from his presence and made him a commander of a thousand. And he went out and came in before the people. And David had success in all his undertakings, for the Lord was with him. And when Saul saw that he had great success, he stood in fearful awe of him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, for he went out and came in before them. — 1 Samuel 18:12-16

This situation was a total setup by King Saul. We all have been victims of this type of deliberate manipulation. If you're envious and afraid of someone you see as a rival, you set them up to fail in front of their supporters. You give them an impossible task that will turn the people against them.

Human reason would suggest King Saul's plan was a "killer" plan. Keep in mind that David was only 15-17 years old. He couldn't even serve in the Israelite Army until he was 20, much less command a thousand troops. In Saul's mind, this "promotion" was a remedy for disaster. That is until we read verse 14 (our key verse of this chapter), where we learn that David was not only a giant killer but a killer leader. He's the golden boy, so Saul's devious plan backfires, further establishing David's fame.

I don't know if you know or have met people like this, but it can be mesmerizing and irritating at the same time, which is precisely what happens in our story. David is further mesmerizing to the people and further irritating to Saul.

But I want to draw attention to a tiny, often ignored detail.

When we have an anchored identity in Christ, the challenges before us look less challenging. Think about David and all the challenges he has faced over the last two chapters. He has been bullied by brothers, battled a giant, removed from his home, forced to play music before a bipolar-possessed jealous and angry king, and is now given an impossible job. How does a believer handle these challenges? Anchoring their identity and living by faith in the Lord is the only way.

Anchor your identity in the Lord. Refuse to let today's challenges alter your perception of God or shift your thinking about your relationship with the Lord. Have unwavering faith that God will abundantly provide all the resources you need. God has people and resources everywhere. He will undoubtedly supply what you need for your challenge, but you must trust God's unwavering strength and provision and boldly step into the challenge.

#FaithInChallenges, #GodsProvision, #OvercomingObstacles

Ask This:

What are some "impossible tasks" you’ve faced that seemed designed to make you fail? How did trusting in God’s strength change your perspective or outcome?

When you feel set up for failure, how can you better anchor your identity in Christ to face challenges with boldness and faith?

Do This:

Anchor your identity and have faith.

Pray This:

Lord, when I face impossible tasks, help me to trust in Your strength and provision rather than my abilities. Anchor my identity in You, and give me the courage to step boldly into every challenge, knowing You will guide me through. Amen.

Play This:

Nothing is Impossible.

Check out this episode!

[thesketchyheartist]

04/19

Shin Sekai no Yori (EP 15, 21, 24, 25)

This show ended so peacefully considering how dramatic it was. I think the toughest part of digesting it now is really being satisfied with the future because when their current society was made, perhaps the founders thought it would finally rest their problems in peace, but obviously it didn't. Now, we expect things to be better, but we only hear Saki's post-war narratives, not actual post-war generations' recalls.

And after watching these episodes now, it confirms pre-EP 15 (I don't remember) of watching the queerats get killed that they are in fact, humans. I think the most horrifying revelation was that Saki and Satoru found out after Satoru illegally researched after the revolution ended when it should've been a peaceful post-war revival of society, but instead, they continued to learn the horrors of their ancestor's history. In that sense of how the queerats were created, it reminded me greatly of how enslaved Africans and their descendants were treated in colonial and post-colonial America. Even after Civil War era was over, it is still shocking how little modern American actually knew how they were treated. Even when we learn about the past, many details are still omitted to not "taint" the pride and ideals of the average life. However, as seen in Squealer's revolution, unless we properly make amends with the past, one way or another, it will come back and hurt everyone. The "new world" that arised from the untamed psychics might have found a way to tame the untamable, but the people were stuck in the crossfires end up becoming enslaved to incompetent founders.

The worst part is knowing the government probably knew all along what happened, but they chose to not worry about external issues and focus on just making the "perfect society." In fact, I'm sure there were intelligent kids like Shun who would be that perfect leader and advisor to come up with new solutions that society will benefit from, but because they could not control their powers and the adults won't find ways to help them control their powers, it was easier to kill them and have mediocre kids who become mediocre adults that rule their new world.

I remember Satoru telling Saki how after seeing the concrete building in the queerat colonies, he said he gets the "sick feeling that the queerats are tryign to become humans" especially because he knew that not even their villages had concrete buildings. I don't know how they knew what concrete was if they don't have a concrete building, but the foreshadowing was scarily uncanny when Satoru was also the one to study their genome.

Fun fact: the Human Genome Project was conducted in 1990s and lasted about 10 years which revolutionized modern genetics because scientists were able to study the human genome (as in every piece of human DNA) to find out their sequencing and what each set of sequence correlates to what gene and what each gene does. I looked it up, Shin Sekai no Yori was published as a manga in 2008, so I think it makes sense that after the project and its findings were released, that was probably when the mangaka began writing this manga. Though, the queerat's origins reveal was in the alst volume, given how it was revelaed in the last episode, I think the inspiration to create a human subspecies probably came from this. The HGP is imprtant today because what once took scientsits years to study the genome, takes us much shorter time and more efficient when we want to study a specific gene.

I was also kind of right about Saki becoming the "Giver". While I don't know if most citizens became aware of their hsitory, the fact that Saki retaining her memories (and by association) Satoru probably started remembering his hidden past, she is able to make informed decisions while keeping her humanity throughout hte show. I think her strongest ability in the group is to persevere no matter the trauma she goes through since her childhood. We see how when she is put in terrifying situations, her eyes are filled with shcok and her body and mind seem to be frozen in time, but after the shock is processed, she is able to get back into action. I think it showed how integral she was in Group 1's dynamic with everyone excelling in their categories , but it truly is a shame that because society wanted people to conform to them, the group lost its team network when they took out its members one by one.

Satoru's development was quite surprising. We see he is more rowdy as a kid and while he is quick to assume and believes what he is told, I think when he grew up and also started to learn the truth both from Saki telling him and from seeking the truth on his own, he is more reserved and logical. Like when hearing from the false minoshiro, he wanted to be ignorant of the truth but as we see now, denial only caused pain when society began to collapse from the revolution.

I think Group 1 was probably the #1 group in their generation/grade/school hence the number. And I think if they all reached adulthood, each of them could've been a leader who could change their village for the greater good while resolving issues that caused the problems in their adolescence/adulthood. Shun is definitely the wisest. Mamoru might be soft-spoken but understanding and empathetic of the weak and below average. Not sure about Maria, but she seems in touch with her feminine side that could appeal to the women of their society. We already know what Satoru and Saki are capable of. Maybe Squealer upon learning his species' origins would still revolt because even if the humans were to make it right with the queerats they might still have unresolved anger, but society would have been stronger and made another new world that focused on equality rather than stability. Much like how today's world no longer has any living enslaved Africans and very few living post-Holocaust Jewish people, just because they are gone now doesn't mean their descendants are immediately forgiving the oppressors. Likewise, though, the oppressors and their descendants are not immediately forgiven just because it was their ancestors and not them who are the perpetrators, but that doesn't mean they should sit and do nothing now that was is not here. The whole point of a new world is not just to prevent the old world we wanted to run away from, but to learn from the mistakes and ways of the old and grow into the new world we always wanted that the old could not have.

-04/18/24