#the lans be getting freaky

[miniminijiminni]

given that wei wuxian has a self lubricating hole in lan wangjis dreams, it leads me to believe that lan wangji not only knows, but has actively read, omegaverse smut

[erveinangel]

God I hate how much I look at Lan's official art it's so GOOD. I'm gonnaf scream They made Them look so good. THOSE MUSCLES????. UAGFAFAFAG LITERALLY GAGS —Comet

[lovelytsunoda]

shadows of the night | oscar piastri

summary: hiding in self-imposed exile after very publicly trashing bill skarsgaard's 'the crow' remake, horror final girl casper coolidge chances finding love, and returning to the spotlight

pairing: oscar piastri x horror final girl! reader

fc: kathryn newton

reader goes by the screen name of casper coolidge, but is referred to as y/n multiple times throughout the fic.

caspercooldige

liked by colesprouse, lianaliberato, jamieleecurtis and 3,871 others

caspercoolidge the void is calling, I must go

comments on this post have been disabled

FOUR MONTHS LATER

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CASPER COOLIDGE?

Four months ago, Horror final girl Casper Coolidge published a series of tweets criticizing the summer blockbuster remake of Alex Proyas and Brandon Lee’s 1994 film ‘The Crow’. Following an internet backlash that we won’t deign to publish, Coolidge, who’s real name is YN YLN, posted a series of behind the scenes pictures from her recent films with the caption ‘the void is calling, I must go’. The actress has not been heard from since.

Famous for her roles in ‘Freaky’ and ‘Lisa Frankenstein’, the actress got her start as a teenager in the small-screen adaptation of Liane Moriarty’s ‘Big Little Lies’, for which she was credited under her real name. Coolidge only adopted her screen moniker after fully embracing her change to the horror genre.

mclarenracing just posted!!

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 5,071 others

mclarenracing it’s always a good time in the grand ol’ us of a

see all comments

user HOLY FUCK IS THAT CASPER COOLIDGE

user listen I know mclaren had an awesome weekend but all I can see here is my missing scream queen

user casper being a mclaren fan is information I never knew I needed

oscarpiastri posted to his story!

Oscar Piastri on Two Girls One Formula, talking about his favourite films

caspercoolidge just added to her story!

caspercoolidge just made a post!!

liked by oscarpiastri, lizasoberano, landonorris and 4,000 others

caspercoolidge fall 2024 ft sidney and the boyfriend. still haven't seen the crow, probably won't. looking forward to getting back tot he big screen <3

see all comments

lizasoberano thank god, i thought i was going to have to keep him a secret forever. i'm happy to see you happy again :)

user shes got a boyfrienddddd and its oscar mf piastriiiii

-> user are we napping on the highway tonight queen?

oscarpiastri happy spooky season, my morticia

-> caspercoolidge happy spooky season, my gomez

landonorris i want a role in your next movie!

-> caspercoolidge as the first victim? (jk lan, i love you dearly)

user WAR IS OVER

colesprouse welcome back yn!

[phoenixfire7894]

The worst thing about mdzs is that it is one of the most masterfully written pieces of fiction I’ve ever read! The themes, characters, plot, and mystery are so engaging and the nuance of the entire series is so excellently written. Specifically the foil between Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao is something in particular that makes the story work so well. It’s so incredible that I want to recommend it to everyone.

BUT IF FUCKING CAN’T BECAUSE LAN WANGJI AND WEI WUXIAN ARE FREAKY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Like, if I recommend it I have to be like, “it’s one of the best things I’ve ever read but I would avoid some of the extras” and the one receiving the rec would be like “why?” and I have to explain the our lovely main protagonist, Wei Wuxian, who has such a wonderfully written story of tragedy, redemption, love, gets freaky with his husbands sword!!!

I’m glad they met each others freak and I truely think they are such a good couple BUT WHAT ABOUT ME GUYS!! Me, the reader of this book who wants to tell everyone about it but she can’t because yall are into some freaky-ass shit!!

It’s truly despicable.

[hellosweetie99]

Here’s a list of my fav fic tags I’ve seen…Enjoy

Chekov’s sex bag

SWORD IN ASS SATURDAY

Homoerotic fossil collection

Passive aggressive nakedness

Blatant misuse of watermelon

The mortifying ordeal of getting your head stuck in a peanut butter jar

This is set in America…sorry

Possessed squirrel

The trio suffers

The grapes are their own character

Dark Ratatouille

Whiny boyfriend doms the undead

Pranks are meant to be silly…like mpreg

New year new kink

Hahaha ouchie

Cock cage (romantic)

Being a lawyer is kinda gay like wdym your job is getting guys off??

Starfire strap color discourse

Science fiction written by a liberal arts major

Doing cute stuff with a decapitated head

HEY MONSTERFUCKERS PSPSPS FOOD FOR YOU

Jealousy as lube

Basically I took one good look at canon and went 'no'

he gets laid in FUCKING JORTS

Kink is just LARP that makes you cum

I wasn't even planning that but the bisexual gods spoke to me

Barry Allen is a human vibrator

Traveler, that Kavehussy got me acting unwise

Evil cuddling

CBT; As In Cock And Ball Torture In Case You Think I Mean Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Women topping the fuck out of men

Pussy can't heal a broken man but pegging can make him rethink what he's done.

I'm about to slap him on his he/him pussy

Angelic Grace as Lube

Not a cinnamon roll or a war criminal but a secret third thing

Don’t YOU go adventuring with your pussy out?

Weird freaky cannibal sex

Fellas is it gay to receive a dick pic from your archenemies

scott pilgrim vs the 97 lost dr who episodes

10K WORDS OF FOREPLAY AND A BJ

Sorry, it’s for the vibes

Blood sacrifice? More like their wedding

This is true 2009 faggotry

DO NOT USE PAINT AS LUBE

He’s so stupid I need to fuck him

Vampirism or sodomy?

Viktor’s unfortunate foot thing

This is zero percent furry sorry

The ugly duckling but in a really freak way

The Doctor - - -> nest parasite

Accidental pet acquisition (dragon)

Stimming with a deadly weapon

Oh my god it’s fish porn

Clit reveal!

Petition to name it Lesbian Who

Eating a meal with the man you want to study under a microscope

Spydoc are pegging eachother in my Google docs

Psychosexually torturing an old man as quality time

Lan Wangji is a loser trapped in a hot man’s body

Is Xie Lian brat taming? He just might be

They don’t fuck. They do however get a bit bloody

[mxtxismyjam]

MXTX characters are so aspec coded to me it is CRAZY.

Liu Qingge? ABSOLUTLEY! While you were having sexual temptations, he studied the blade. (May be demiromantic for SQQ. He definitely feels some type of way about him.)

Shen Yuan/Qinqqiu? You know it!! Like I get that he ended up in a very sexual relationship at the end of the book. But did it seem like he wanted that at any point? Not really!!! He just persuaded himself into thinking it wouldn’t be too bad.

Xie Lian? Yeppers. His teacher remarked that he never had struggle with sexual temptation in the 1000 years before he met HC, and I think he had time to experiment with whether he was gay or not. 100% demi sexual/demiromantic. Beyond that, he just read that way to me. As with a lot of MXTX’s protags, he is more focused on the issue/plot at hand, with a small side of slow burn romance. It’s essentially a queer platonic relationship for the entire book.

Lan Wangji? It’s kinda hard for me to keep believing this one with the way the fandom portrays him now, but when I first read the book he came off as demisexual to me.

I’ll make concessions in my head any time these are portrayed differently in fanfiction or something because it’s usually done well, but this is how I view the canon characters.

I’ve heard the characters are this way just because MXTX doesn’t like to write sex scenes? But I really like how that works out to flesh out the plot and relationships in the novel! It’s better than:

“They solved the puzzle great cool! Now for the rest of the book they can get

Freaky

And not have to waste any more time on that boring stuff like getting to know each other!”

Anyway happy pride month y’all 🖤🩶🤍💜

[meowunmeow]

Undead Unluck Chapter 205 Spoilers!!

I forgot when exactly was golden week and thought it was today so. Time isn't real.

He took from every loop there is what the fuck

And he held onto memories with Ichico because he only ever got to be with her in Loop 100 and 101. She's the only thing keeping him sane oml peak romance

All this bitch does is summon weapons BORING

LMAOOO I WAS RIGHT AGAIN

"Ichico, I'm borrowing your spot." *exposes tits for the world to see*

So this confirms that Luna is a being of pure soul and Sun is of pure vessel. That explains Lan's whole pinnacle of spiritual/physical thing.

Then Sun is Luna's body and Luna is Sun's soul.

Well shit, there's no heaven or hell here. Only the ether.

They took precautions for the wife yet didn't take an account for the wife guy who'd do anything for her. Losersss

The Master Rules defeated by the power of horny once more.

SOBBING. NICO REALLY CARES FOR FUUKO. THEY'RE SO. AAAAAAAAAAA

This is just Ghost Arc Part 2 for her :(( She has to watch him suffer all while she physically cannot do anything but spectate.

"Why die for it if you could live to make a change?" is the core of Undead Unluck and I'm so glad that even other characters believe in it.

This means that, even with an understanding of souls, anyone other than Unforgettable would lead to the people "coming back wrong" because of their vague recollection of people.

MONSTROUS UMA I MISS IT SO MUCH

WHOA WHOA BACK THE FUCK UP. IS THIS A PROPOSAL???

"One child" lie to yourself, Nico. We all know how freaky you're getting.

Bruh.

What if he summons "No."

I love how Ichico's soul leaving her body is used for comedic purposes it's so beautiful.

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

You know the whole sneezing/ears burning when someone talks about you trope? I think it would have been hilarious if the manhua artist interrupted Wangxian Getting Freaky in the Woods, when WWX is all "we're only partially married, your uncle would kill you for this", to cut to Lan Qiren suddenly bleeding from his eyes ears and nose mid-lecture, abruptly filled with a deep and unbearable rage that he cannot explain, while the disciples scramble to play some soothing music.

[gusujay]

When a hyper-fixation wears off I don’t lose the little version of that character that lives in my brain they just don’t get full on cinematic music videos in my head when I listen to music anymore, they just sit there guiding me. Whispering little pieces of advice in my ear. I call them the board of directors.

There is simply an employee of the month system.

I sometimes wonder why I make certain decisions but then I remember that the board of directors in my brain consists of Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith, Daniil Dankovsky, Artyom Chyornyj, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian….pretty sure Charles Smith is the only one keeping me from doing stupid shit 24/7 and god bless him because he’s surrounded by insane people

Off topic but bro lan wangji and Charles smith would get along so fucking well! They’d be besties for real. Neither of them feel the need to fill silence with empty words and they both answer stupid questions with a judgmental little look. And they both have One Special Silly But Haunted Guy who they protect like a Fabergé egg. They would have the most silently comfortable parallel play imaginable.

Funny thing tho is one day Lan Wangji will say something REAL FREAKY and Charles will just go 🤨

But it might awaken something in him. Lan Wangji will sigh wistfully and say (about Wei wuxian) I wish I could get him pregnant and at first Charles will be like “what” but then he’ll be like (thinks about arthur) “hold on this guy is on to something”

I know Arthur is a big strong MAN and I love that about him but he also deserves to get pregnant…as a treat, same as how Charles deserves to be a little bit insane…as a treat (in my head both wangxian and charthur are switches but we all know that even while Lan Wangji is getting dicked down he’s thinking “I’ve gotta get him pregnant”) to anyone who doesn’t read mdzs this makes no sense but if you know you know.

God this is cursed. to everyone following me IM SO SORRY. What goes on in my a03 bookmarks is between me and god but what goes on in my text posts on tumblr is between me, all of you, and the devil

Btw while all of that is going on Wei Wuxian and Arthur Morgan are sitting in another room chain smoking cigarettes, then Wei Wuxian will say something about how he doesn’t know what he’s living for if he can’t be useful to people and Arthur takes a long drag of his cigarette and just goes “…yeah”

Meanwhile Daniil and Artyom (who are both clinically insane) are sitting there thinking “I am the only normal person here” then Daniil performs necromancy and Artyom goes for a nice little bath in some irradiated water

Ladies, gentlemen, and anyone in between, behold! The Board Of Directors

[gamersonthego]

GOTG Review: Hypnospace Outlaw

This is the next game in my Backlog Roulette series, where each month I spin a wheel to randomly select a game on my massive backlog that I must play (though not necessarily to completion). These wheel spins occur on the monthly preview episodes I co-host with my friends on The Casual Hour podcast.

Both of my parents were educators at my elementary school (they're retired now.) Mom was a 3rd grade teacher and Dad taught gym. They both would stay after classes were over to work on lesson plans or grade papers or move equipment, and I got to freely choose which one to spend time with before we got to go home. With Dad, I would mostly practice free throws in the gym (though I never got any good at them). But with Mom, I’d often get to play on her computer (when I wasn’t watching Digimon Adventure on her classroom TV.

That was probably my first real experience with computers. I’d play things like Oregon Trail II (the best one, by the way) or an awful typing program called PAWS featuring a freaky Cheshire-Cat-like mascot. But sometimes, I would load up Netscape Navigator and just poke around on the late ‘90s internet. 

I hated this cat so much as a kid.

I only remember bits and pieces of that time online. A Sokoban block-pushing puzzler, a Super Mario Bros. fan game with all-new levels, some first-person hovercraft racer that had multiplayer LAN capabilities (I’ve never been able to find that game since, it’s definitely not Hover! by Microsoft.) a fansite for the Sonic Underground cartoon. Even with my fragmented memory, I remember the joy and adventure I had just digging around. Anything could be around that next corner, and that was half the fun.

Hypnospace Outlaw is the closest I’ve ever come to reliving those formative computer experiences. Set in an alternate 1999, you are thrust into Hypnospace — an internet stand-in that’s part GeoCities and part forum chatroom — and are asked to moderate and police this online Wild West. 

Developer Tendershoot has nailed the tone and aesthetic of this era. The highly compressed bitmap images, the way pages auto-play (incredible) music when they load, the terrible, terrible fonts, the fileshare servers that are completely inscrutable unless you know exactly what you’re looking for — it’s all just perfect. And it’s not just Hypnospace. The game has its own little desktop computer experience complete with email, virtual pets, a download manager and more. It reminds me of Cibele or Her Story, but much more freeform and robust. But all that is just aesthetic —  the game itself is pretty cool too. As a Hypnospace moderator, you’re given little jobs as you explore the various pages and zones of the browser: Take down some copyrighted material here, censor some threatening speech there, find some lost files that are hanging around…somewhere. Some of these tasks just require you to pay close attention to the pages themselves, while others force you to put on your hacker cap as you cross reference ID codes with unlisted pages, crack passwords or decrypt files, all while a corporate conspiracy bubbles up around you. 

It’s truly satisfying to use your online sleuthing skills to their fullest. And whether you’re stopping a virus from breaking the virtual world or just banning a kid who can’t seem to stop making offensive webcomics, you just feel this sense of power.

In many ways, Hypnospace Outlaw the platonic ideal of the concept of late-90s computing. I do wonder if that hyper-specific aesthetic and mechanics gives it too narrow of an audience, but as someone who is part of that narrow audience, I found my experience with it to be incredibly fun. And it’s one I won’t soon forget.

[gbgamebun]

Super Cream 64 v5 Release Trailer & Patch Notes:

N64: https://romhacking.com/hack/super-cream-64 PC: https://github.com/Gamebunn/Cream64_PC Will also be available on sm64pcbuilder2 for easier compiling at some point. Will update when it's available.

Patch notes:

New Levels

Added two new levels, The Mountain of Sir Percival and Melancholy Mines, replacing Tower of the Wing Cap and Cavern of the Metal Cap in that order.

Changed up the collect star/death warps in Melancholy Mines to boot you back to the Castle Lobby rather than outside Hazy Maze Cave, unless you fall into the waterfall which just dumps you outside like before.

Updated the collision in Mission Street to make certain things easier to interact with.

Replaced textures in Big's patio to indicate boxes are not breakable.

Gigaboot's Pokemon Adoption Center has now expanded! Several other NPCs have arrived in the city, some additional art in places and two new stores have sprung up as well. Take a look when you can!

(PC Only) Added optional interior area to Pocky's Emerald Theater. Someone seems to be in there.

Charmy and Espio can be seen hanging around the two new levels! What are they up to?

Old Levels/Gameplay

(PC Only) Current outfit when grabbing a new star will be saved to the save file. Kind of a coin flip if it saves or not when grabbing a transparent star. Cause of this, old save files are not compatible with the latest version.

Adjusted the speed on the Tails race in Tiny Huge Island to be more fair.

Added secondary starting warps to Dire Dire Docks for Stars 3, 4 and 6 to make getting to the second area much easier. Note you must select the Star in the Act select.

(PC Only) Opening the pyramid top activates an unused cutscene. Didn't program it myself, just apart of the repo. In here to let people know that it'll happen.

There's these things in certain levels. They don't look dangerous but they sure are freaky lookin'.

Princess Secret Slide has the same layout and collision but is now given a visual makeover.

You can now fly off from pole vaulting.

Cream Outfits

Moved switching outfits to the DPad. For the PC version, you may have to rebind it in Pause > [R] Options > Controls.

Added several new Cream outfits, totally up to 64.

Removed: Cinnia Cream and Bean Cream

Newest added since v4.3: Cheese the Chao, TF2 Engineer, Demon Slayer Nezuko, MM8 Roll, Megaman X, Castlevania: RoB Maria Renard, Xenoblade Chronicles 3 Sena, a Mexican Forklorico Dress for CaptainQuack64, Kate the Wolf for MainMemory_ and Dot_Lvl and Voxandra for Dot_Lvl. You can view the whole set of them here.

Reshuffled the Cream outfits in the N64 version. It's now: Normal, Riders, Winter, Spring, Unicorn, Halloween, Yukata, Swimsuit, Young Vanilla, Amy Rose, Mario, Klonoa and Creamocchia.

The "We did it!" soundclip when grabbing a star is now replaced when wearing certain outfits. Those being: Klonoa, Sena, Kitten, Layla and Katalina.

The Collect Star theme will now change with certain costumes. Those being: Tails, Mario, Klonoa, Ichiban, Travis, Jack, Austin, Dudley, Engineer, Goku, Pan, Roll, Megaman X, Lan, Vergil, Maria, Sora, Dawn, Serena, DQ3 Mage, Wonder-Bun, Sena and every outfit past that.

To follow up on that, the Austin outfit has a unique jingle that'll play when actually grabbing a star or key.

The Mario, Klonoa and Creamocchia outfits in the N64 version also have these themes with the Klonoa outfit keeping the Wahoo!

Music and Sounds

Castle Interior now has a new track: Apotos - Day from Sonic Unleashed.

The following stages and actions also have new tracks since v4: Bob-Omb Battlefield, Whomp's Fortress, Big Boo's Haunt (main and merry-go-round), White Park Carnival, Tiny-Huge Island, Eggman 3 Phase 1 and riding the shell.

Landing the final hit on Eggman 3 will play a proper finale track.

Credits track has also been replaced with its regular version. Midi version still on N64 due to space.

Added new soundbytes for the following NPCs: Layla, Kitten and Katalina

Since v4: The results screen will now play a random clip from 5 different voice samples. All from SF3 Third Strike.

The End track has been replaced with a new one.

And the Rest!

(PC Only) Rings have been replaced with 3D models. Big thanks to Alonwoof for implementing them!

Giant Mario head has now been replaced with a proper Cream head, as seen in the video. Big thank you to BWGLite for implementing it!

Added an extra animation for Amy's third encounter in BBH to indicate new dialog.

Updated some models and animations for certain NPCs.

Game Credits sign at start of game has been updated to reflect the additional changes added as well as a new "Cream and Vanilla design" credits section.

Dialog has been updated for certain NPCs and actions.

Karaoke Bar has some brand new karaoke champs!

Credits have also been updated to reflect new changes.

There are now two ending pictures instead of just the one.

Man I sure hope I got everything.

[llycaons]

ep42 (1/3): jin ling just having the worst time of it

I don't think lwj genuinely hates anyone at this point in the story except maybe jc, but su she is definitely up there and is notable for being someone lwj has strong feelings about who is completely disconnected with wwx.

maybe contempt would be a better approximation of his feelings, but it's sure turned to hatred after the temple reveals

that's so freaky wtf. and now qin su will be in there too :(

one of the only mentions of wq postres ugh. and all wwx does is swallow and look to the side. it's not like he can publicly mourn her here

this was so fucking stupid ohhh im so mad on her behalf. it WOULD have been a more interesting and richer story had she lived lbr

he's very good, but also given the circumstances it's easy to be like 'what the fuck my dudes'

oh classic nhs fainting bit. I wonder why tho? was it to just make himself look vulnerable in front of jgy some more?

jin ling just watched his aunt stab herself and immediately die (those cursed blades, man) and his night is only going to get worse because he really likes wwx and he'll end this by stabbing him

YEAH they're intimate

aw yeah lwj sweeping in

their reactions to wwx unsheathing suibian are near comical here (not a bad thing)

aw :( he doesn't want to believe it

oh he is so funny. what a bitch

nhs wakes up to jgy and lwj pointing swords at each other and he OBVIOUSLY knows sjhdajhdks

jin ling desperately trying to make this not be the case

'extremely injured' do not start on this bullshit with me jgy I KNOW wwx wasn't just 'badly injured' for 16 years and mxy found his body and dragged it into his hovel and then gave up his body to heal him okay wwx was DEAD dead. weird translation

GET A JOB!!! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER!!

oh he is so awful. this might appear to be sympathetic, but in fact it's patronizing. I do think jgy cares about jin ling, but I don't think he can turn it off. and he's clearly not hesitant about killing jl to further his own goals, so having him near jl when things are going to shit is really nerve-wracking

if you let your eyes blur a bit it looks like their holding hands

classic scene. lwj all 🥺 you REJECT lan zhan? you REJECT his love???

thank god I hate that mask

where's that post that's like *dramatic reveal* *cut to nhs who already knew it was wwx* *cut to jc who already knew it was wwx* *cut to lxc who

arguably it's a reaction to the reveal and not the info itself, but still

[lanbichenbunny]

Iron Hook

It’s really quiet a freaky little tale and Jin Ling is back, which is good.

I like the way Wei Ying educates the Juniors by making sure they all, get turns and learn when they’re on night hunts.

I also love how they get uncomfortable just at the sight of how Lan Zhan holds Wei Ying.

My guess is that they can’t wait to get away so they don’t have to see WangXian ripping clothes off and more.

[hulijingemperor2]

Some time later, A-Yao, Xichen and team dimple became drunk.

Also, team d were untied.

Xichen: *singing while laying on the floor*

Yao: *laying on Xichen's chest in his fox form.

Xue yang: xuanyu. Is it like illegal to hump a fox?

Mo xuanyu: it's ok since that it's Yao gege.

Xichen: do you guys see my hickeys? It's beautiful isn't it?!

Su she: I HAVE MORE THAN YOU!!!

Xichen: oh really?!  And what does that prove, Sushiiiii. *laughing*

Su she: that Yao huangdi loves me more!

Yao: you two, shut up. You have 8 each.

Xue yang: Jiggy can you bite me?

Yao: no.

Mo xuanyu: he becomes more savage when he's drunk. LOL!!

Yao: *morphs back into his human form*

Xue yang: Jiggy, what should I do to get you?

Yao: *opens fan*

Xichen: *hugs* Jiggy.

Mo xuanyu: Lan lips I'm not Yao gege!!! Get off!

Xichen: oh shoot. That's why you don't smell like peonies.

Mo xuanyu: you're very rude, you know.

And I'll beat you up.

Xichen: try. Come at me bro.

Mo xuanyu: whoever knocks out someone's teeth first gets Yao gege.

Su she: I'm betting all my money on mo xuanyu!!

Xue yang: nah. Lan lips is a beast when he drinks alcohol.

Su she: I remembered Lan zhan fought me when he was drunk. Maybe lipsy is the same thing.

Xue yang: freaky Lans.

Su she: I want to elope with Huangdi while they're fighting.

Xue yang: same!

Yao: *sitting while sobered up*

Mo xuanyu: you fight like a girl, Lan lips.

Xichen: *grabs hair*

Yao: *fanning himself* you don't know how silly you all look.

Qin Su : *enters* lol what's going on here. Team D!

Yao: I'm watching them fight over me.

Qin Su: well that's normal. *massages his scalp* as my Yao Huangdi is really attractive after all.

Yao: exactly. Come. *supports her* have a seat.

Qin su: sure.

Yao: are you comfy?

Qin Su: yea Huangdi.

Su she: *blushing* Miss Qin.

Xichen: who?

Qin Su: me! You shameless Lan!

Mo xuanyu: *sitting on  Xichen while wrestling with him* Other woman! Hiiiiii! Can you give me a hairpin so that I can stab Lan lips?

Xichen: noooo. I think I'm afraid of sharp objects!

Mo xuanyu: big coward.

Qin Su: aren't you a cultivator?

Xichen: but I'm a baby in the eyes of Jiggy.

Qin Su: *rolls eyes*

Xue yang: Lan lips, tell me more. I like to hear you talk when you're drunk.

Xichen: I want A-Yao to step on me with his execution boots again.

Qin Su: again??

Yao: *laughing*

Su she: I know right.

Qin Su: Juniors still partying?

Yao: yup. So we decided to party too.

Qin Su: *laughing* in the torture chamber??

How devious and attractive of Huangdi.

Yao: team dimple's suggestion.

Qin Su: they're wild. But crazy for you!

Anyways who won't be.

Yao: exactly. Shall we all go to another room? The torture chamber isn't good for you and the baby.

Come team d. *holds Qin Su's hand*

Xue yang: coming Jiggy!!!!

Xichen: right behind you!!!!!

Mo xuanyu: Yao gege called ME!

Su she: yea Huangdi, we're coming!

~~~

In one of their living rooms~

Yao: *preparing tea*  do you see Song'er and A-qing? They're are a cute couple?

Qin Su: yes. They're really adorable.

But A-qing is a bit crazy.

Yao: hmm, I agree. But she's in good shape.

She is witty, intelligent, a little respectable, loving.

Qin Su: I hope she's taking the relationship seriously.

Song'er isn't ordinary! He will soon inherit an empire for himself.

Yao:  well let's see.

Yet I have high expectations for her.

one thing what hurt me was when she sold A-Song's gifts that he give her.

Qin su: how dare she!!! No one does that to my Song'er.

Yao: relax. She stopped doing it.

And will never do it again.

Qin su: good.

Qin Su: the harem is pleasing to the emperor.

So now, I just want to be a mother-in-law to A-Song's girlfriend

Yao: *laughing* and you're keeping your eyes on her?

Qin Su: yes.

Xue yang: wow Susu. You're tough.

Qin Su: I promised Yao Huangdi to love him, support him and take care of our family.

And taihou has a lot of expectations for me.

Plus she'll be the future Huanghou.

Yao: *smiling* how ideal of you.

Mo xuanyu: you don't get that from team dimple, Yao gege?????

Yao: of course I do. You all are very supportive. 

Su she: awwwww. Huangdi!!

Yao: tomorrow is that soiree with the elite fox spirits.

Are you still up for it?

Qin Su: yes, but I don't think I'll stay for the garden party.

Yao: I understand. Should we have A-qing represent you?

Qin Su: ah, good idea. But she has to meet them first.

And maybe we can see if she's a good host.

Yao: and compatible with Song'er. I see.

Xue yang: *hugging A-Yao* you two are so hot and intelligent together. *sniffs* and you smell nice too.

Qin Su: chengmei.

Xue yang: you know you're wondering why I'm simping for you instead of Spicy Qingqing.

Wen Qing rejected me because she feels she's too hot.

But you're hella beautiful too. Gorgeous just like Jiggylicious.

Step on on me some time, Qin su!!!

Yao: *lifts chin* only I can step on you, yangyang.

Xue yang: better yet. Jiggy. *licks lips*

Susu, you can drill that brat as hard as you like, as it's a tough world out there.

And I won't get mad.

Qin Su: good. Because you better live with me drilling her.

Xue yang: yea I'll live with you.

Qin Su: that's not what I meant.

Xue yang: I dream of living with you and Jiggy in a cottage with one bed. But unfortunately Jiggy is an emperor and wouldn't like a small cottage.

I have to be a hitman and earn money to buy a mansion for 'his majesty' over here.

Yao: *rolls eyes*

Qin Su : dream big i guess.

I only love A-Yao though.

Xue yang: but I'm hot. But I don't blame you tho. Jiggy is Jiggy.

Susu, do you have any candy?

Qin Su: no.

Xue yang: fiesty just like Jiggy.

Su she: can you just give up. Empress Wen had rejected you.

Xue yang: sometimes you gotta ignore the shattered pieces from your heart and focus on the heart instead.

Su she: *almost throws up*

Mo xuanyu: *clapping* rightly said!! Yangyang you're so talented!!!

Xichen: *still drunk* who is that guy?! And why does he sound like a hopeless romantic. Or the babadook.

Xue yang: I'm your sleep paralysis demon, Lan lips. FEAR ME!!!!!

Xichen: I knew I should have got to bed earlier.

But no, I wanted to stay up in order to do papapa with A-Yao.

Mo xuanyu: horny Lan.

Su she: no respect for our Huangdi. Non!

Qin Su: I agree.

Xichen: but I'm a sweet person!.

Yao: yes you are. And he makes nice tea.

Xichen: mhm, I strive to be chivalrous. *smile*

Mo xuanyu: is thieving Yao gege from team dimple a chivalrous and virtuous thing?! Are we just gonna gloss over that!!

Su she: you snatched him away from us!

And everyone forgets that.

Xue yang: Xichen. Xichen. Xichen. Why did you have to do that to team dimple. That's kinda wrong.

Mo xuanyu: we should take you to court for stealing our husband.

Su she: Jail him!

Xichen: A-Yao help.

Qin Su: *laughing*  Team dimple. why are they always so unhinged and dramatic than they actually are. 

Yao: lol I love them like this.

Qin Su: same.

~~~~

Next day, everyone was going to have breakfast together.

Meng Shi: Sisi. Why are you standing? Sit next to me.

Sisi: *blushing* me? Huanghou jiejie?

But I'm your personal maid.

Meng Shi: no. You're my bestie. Come.

Sisi: *sits*

Su she: *pulling the chair for A-Yao, then he lovingly supported him into the seat*

Yao: lovely.

Su she: *hands him a pair of chopsticks*

Yao: thank you dear.

Yao: Song'er, Yi'er. How was the party?

Rusong: super lit.

Jingyi: it turned out hella wild. Ouyang Zizhen is still asleep in an empty Jacuzzi.

Yao: oh dear!

Jingyi: he had too much wine.

A-qing: a little too much.

Rusong: don't worry, A-Die. He'll wake up.

Yao: I don't think that sect leader ouyang would be pleased.

Rusong: Nainai, Nainai. When that angry, old sect leader comes, can you show him your dimples and pretty eyelashes?

Meng Shi: why?!

Rusong: because the Jianghu is weak for Meng beauty, Nainai. Everyone knows that.

Even Lan qiren said that you're pretty. He never compliments anyone.

Jingyi: that's true!

Mo xuanyu: *hiccups* not gonna lie. The Mengs are gorgeous.

*hiccups* 

Meng Shi: *laughing* Yu'er, what happened to you?

Mo xuanyu: I'm stale *hiccup* drunk.

Su she: not only him taihou, but us too.

Xue yang: mo xuanyu was fighting with Lan lips.

Meng shi: he was???

Mo xuanyu: I was??

Did I knock him out?

Yao: *laughing*

A-qing: xue yang, are you really telling the truth?! I know that you three love to look tough in front of Jiggy.

Qin Su: *corrects* Huangdi.

A-qing: sorry, sorry. Jiggy Huangdi.

Xue yang: we are tough, A-qing. And i can confirm that mo xuanyu pulled Xichen's weave.

A-qing: that's fking awesome!!!!!

Meng Shi: where is he anyways?

Mo xuanyu: still sleeping.

Su she: I'm happy he's not here.

Qin Su: lol savage.

Xue yang: I see Jiggybuns is all sobered up.

Yao: I slept it off.

Meng Shi: because he's my son. He's more superior than everyone.

Yao: *smile*

Meng shi: *strokes hair*

Yao: A-niang. A-Su and I have sent out invites to the elite here, to have some tea with Song'er. Then a garden party afterwards.

Meng Shi: right.

Yao: he's  the Taizi Dianxia of fox spirits. So he must be more accustomed to these types of things.

Rusong: A-Die, I would love to have them over. Rest assured, they'll be treated with great hospitality.

But I have to do some cultivation stuff later.

Yao: brilliant, Song'er. And that's OK!

A-qing: who are the elite? Rich gege?

Rusong: the most powerful fox spirits of the realm.

The elite consists of A-Die, Tamamo no mae who's the goddess and patron on Kitsunes.

A-qing: wait! I thought that nainai is the goddess of kitsunes.

Rusong: there are two. But Nainai is the goddess of Hulijings while Tamamo no mae is the goddess/immortal of Kitsunes.

A-qing: ohh.

Rusong: so there's A-Die, Tamamo no mae, Nainai, Su Wanghou of Zhou aka Su Daji. And lastly our ambassador Hua cheng.

I'm also a part of the elite.

A-qing: *gulps* I'm shy to meet them.

Rusong: I'll be by your side, A-qing. There's nothing to worry.

Qin su: A-qing. I'll send some clothes for you.

Meng shi: and I'll  get you ready.

A-qing: what I'm wearing is not ok?!

Qin su: it's fine. But this outfit has the hulijing and Meng crest on it. It shows that you're a part of the family.

Meng Shi: dear it's a tradition. I gave four crested outfits to Qin gui fei. And brooches to the rest of the harem.

You'll look adorable.

A-qing: ok. Nainai. I would love to get a makeover from you!

Yao: the Meng crest is the peach blossom and Hulijing crest is the silhouette of a fox.

A-qing: ah. I get it, Jiggy Huangdi.

Later that day~~~

Sect leader Ouyang: *enters infuriated*

Salutations Yao huangdi.

Yao: former sect leader Ouyang. How are you?

Sect leader Ouyang: now where's my embarrassing son?

Yao: ah. He's right here.

Fox spirits: *supporting a drowsy ouyang Zizhen.*

Rusong: greetings sect leader.

Sect leader ouyang: hello Wangzi. I'm so sorry for my idiotic son.

Rusong: it's alright. Make sure he takes good rest.

Ouyang Zizhen: relax A-Die! Why you keep cranking my style, old man!

Sect leader ouyang: you got drunk and fell asleep in an empty Jacuzzi?!! And that too in a palace?!

You disappointed me yet again! Yao Huangdi, forgive me. I know you and Wangzi had helped us a lot.

Yao: Zongzhu, Zongzhu. You don't need to apologize. And ouyang zizhen is still young.

He still knows his duties as a young sect leader. He just wants to have fun.

Ouyang Zizhen: see A-Die. He's a very chill emps.

Yao: yes. Rest assured, Zongzhu. We aren't upset. Song'er and friends had enjoyed themselves.

Sect leader Ouyang: when would you have respect? Wangzi, how did he behave in front of your guests?

Rusong: very well. And he didn't flirt with any Fox spirits.

Ouyang zizhen: yea. Rusong had already given me hulijing girlfriends.

I got to take them out on a date tomorrow.

Sect leader Ouyang: you only care about girls girls girls! Huh! What about you being my successor! Do you see Rusong Wangzi acting like this?!

Ouyang Zizhen: A-Die, chill.

Ouyang zizhen: I rather give you a back hand slap than chill.

Meng Shi: *entering* sect leader ouyang. Pleasure to meet you.

Sect leader Ouyang: *looks in her direction*

Meng Shi: quarreling isn't good for health.

Would you like some tea?

Sect leader Ouyang: *dazed*

Meng shi: would you?

Sisi: Zongzhu, I'm not afraid to stab you for not answering her.

Sect leader Ouyang: *hiccups* well stab me.

I mean, taihou. Empress dowager. If you know a lot about health, then I'll definitely have some tea.

Meng Shi: help yourself.

Sect leader Ouyang: *hiccups*

Ouyang Zizhen: you're kinda gross A-Die.

Rusong: does he like my Nainai?!

Team d would start to hiccup whenever they see A-Die.

Sect leader Ouyang: *sips tea* you're really adorable. I mean the tea is adorable. I mean!! It's delicious.

Meng Shi: glad you enjoy.

Sect leader Ouyang; ehem. *wipes mouth* I got to go carry my home back to my son. I meant!  I got to go carry my son back home. He's stale drunk.

Meng Shi: I thought you wanted to beat him.

Sect leader Ouyang: nah. He's young after all. Also he needs his rest.

Ouyang zizhen: *confused*

Rusong: you're saved.

Ouyang Zizhen: good!

Sect leader Ouyang: how do you have dimples? Like they're really cute.

Meng Shi: I was born with them. Duh!

Sect leader Ouyang: ah. Right right. Anyways, we got to go.

*kneels and kisses her hand*

Meng Shi: pleasure having you.

Ouyang Zizhen: May I depart, Huangdi?

Yao: sure. See you soon.

Zizhen, rest well ok? And we look forward to see you again.

Ouyang Zizhen: thanks emps.

Bye Rusong. You're looking amazing.

Rusong: thank you, thank you. Byee.

Ouyang Zizhen: isn't his highness looking amazing??

[papaya-twinks]

get freaky with it - l.n

Warnings: sex talk, sexting, slut-shaming

Pairing: Lando Norris x fem!reader

Summary: Lando misses Y/N at work so he decides to take things into his own hands. (The ending is goofy)

Lando Norris was one of the most neediest people you had ever met. And as much as he tried to cover it up, he really was not very good at it. Especially, when it came to you. Your phone had been going off continuously for the past ten minutes, and you could hardly ignore the questioning stares you were getting from your colleagues. Lando knew what he was doing - and fuck, you loved it.

Lan 🧡: c’mon y/n, no point ignoring it

You shook the damn filthy thoughts from your head, turning back to your computer and swiping the notification away, only to be met with another one popping up.

Lan 🧡: ever think how pretty you’d look w/ that lil skirt riding up ur thighs whilst u ride me?

Fucking hell, he knew his way with words, this one did. You were not gonna just sit there, knowing off the pooling heat between your thighs as you read each of Lando’s messages. Fuck it. You opened your phone, knowing how delighted your boyfriend would be, seeing the two blue ticks by his messages.

Lan 🧡: hey angel x

Y/N: what do u want, lan?

You decided to be forward with your messages, he has been frustrating you since he started with these messages, so of course, being the stubborn girl you were, you were going to drag this tortuously for him.

Lan 🧡: what do I want? ya fuckin lips round my dick? can’t have it tho can I?

Always the one to state what he wanted, never hiding things well, was Lando Norris.

Y/N: no clue what u want norris, u gotta tell me. im stupid, isn’t that what u call me? a stupid lil slut? 😘

A common kink of his - degradation. And wow did you love having him on top of you, chain hanging on your chest, with him falling g you filthy names. It drove you crazy.

Lan 🧡: aint u a lil slut tho? 😂 now cmon quit messing sweetheart. show me what I wanna see.

You were absolutely soaking at his words, and the power of his simple text message was unbelievable. Slowly, you rode your skirt up your thigh, placing your phone between your legs and snapping a quick photo.

Lan 🧡: oooo u dirty 😍😍, jealous of all them colleagues, looking at you in that tiny little skirt

And wow, imagining his face when he saw that photo? It did things to you that drove you feral. He was right, though. What you were wearing was a poor excuse for a skirt. You undid one of your buttons, making sure to lean forwards so no one could see into your cubicle, and snapped another photo.

Lan 🧡: nah don’t make me jerk it off, when u done?

Y/N: whenever u buy me starbucks

Lan 🧡: the company or the drink

Y/N: mmmmmmm 🤷‍♀️

Lan 🧡: 🫵 + 👄 + 🍆 = 💋💋

Y/N: u wear lipstick, norris?

Lan 🧡: my boner’s gone. goodbye.

Wow.

[just-absolutely-super]

Mini crack

Roll: why are you sulking sweetie?

Mega: *pouts* am not sulking

Roll: is it because Lan is at the movie's watching the latest horror movie?

Mega: why did it have to be a horror? Couldn't it be something we both liked?

Roll: just because you're twins, doesn't mean you have to do everything together.

Mega: I know, but....

Roll: the movies is a safe place, nothing is gonna happen

Mega: that's what everyone think, but Lan is a trouble magnet

Roll: you worry too much sweetie

Meanwhile

Dex: Man this movie is so freaky!

Lan: Yeah, Megaman would definitely have hated it... Hey, where's the popcorn?

Dex: Over here, let me grab it...

*jump scare happens*

Dex: WOAH! *drops the popcorn*

Lan: YIKES! *drops his drink*

Third voice: OI!

Lan and Dex look in front of them to see their drink and popcorn bucket fell on the man in front of them

Lan: Oops...sorry man, it was an accident--

Dex: *starts laughing*

Lan: Dude, quit! It's not funny!

Dex: It--snicker--it's a little funny!

Man: You brats are dead!

Dex: Uh oh, maybe we should run...

Lan: Ah dammit, right when we get to the good part!

They book it

Man: Yeah you better run!

Back at the house

Mega: ...My "Lan got himself in trouble again" senses are tingling!

Roll: Seriously? How does he always get into trouble?