#the lads are scheming i can tell you that much

[munchy-k]

making my 6794838th attempt to read qjj because I refuse to accept that my pea brain cannot comprehend the plot

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

routine vibe check: what’s the best starter pokemon and why are you right (pictures and long paragraphs of evidence welcomed and appreciated)

Gonna get a good grade in vibe check, normal to want and inevitable to achieve because I have objectively correct Pokemon opinions and will block naysayers

OKAY LET'S GO

I decided to do, like, a top 5 list or something, because I'm bad at picking a single favourite of stuff. And then even that overwhelmed me, so I found one of those tier ranking list sites and produced this:

It was done in less than a minute, so if I wanted to get really picky, I don't know if I would be fully wedded to it (not sure if maybe Sceptile should be one higher) BUT it did help to highlight the important ones.

So!

5. Bulbasaur

It's. Just. So. Nice.

Like you can find cooler, more beautiful, cuter, fancier... there's a whole bunch of ways for a Pokemon to be great. But you will never ever find a nicer Pokemon than Bulbasaur. It's so lovely. Look at it. Look at its face.

I can't put it higher, because the rest of the line is fairly bland in terms of development. It's good and logical and fun, don't get me wrong, but Ivysaur and Venusaur just look like bigger versions with More Flower and Less Cute rather than creatures in their own right. To be honest, if it weren't a starter requiring a three-stage evolution, you could do away with Ivysaur. Something I don't like about a lot of lazy three-step lines is that the middle step just looks like a transitional mid phase rather than a Proper Creacher, like they were artificially inflating the Pokemon number count. Meanwhile it took us until Paldea to get a Girafarig evo that would actually make the giraffe tall. Madness.

However my first ever Pokemon was a Bulbasaur I called Daffodil, and I have traded him forward onto every single successive generation since. He is, quite literally, my First Ever Pokemon. I love him desperately. I still have him. Not many people still have their First Ever Pokemon. But I do and I love him. So, Bulbasaur gets the fifth spot.

4. Snivy

Again, a victim of the Banal Transitional Middle Evo, but both Snivy and Serperior are incredible, and as Meatloaf took such pains to tell us, two out of three ain't bad.

But Snivy! It's so snooty! I was super lucky with mine, too, because I beat the 12.8% odds and got a female, and I loved her. Normally the initial baby starters are designed to be cute but Snivy has SO MUCH PERSONALITY, she's great. And the design of Serperior is utterly gorgeous. She keeps the expression, but rather than the Animal Crossing-style snooty-cute vibe of Snivy you get this thousand yard withering stare of an empress whose servant (you) has just turned up dripping mud in her throne room and asked her for money. Her green and gold colour scheme is exquisite. Her filigree design, including her high collar, give off the air of wealth and sophistication befitting her immaculate pedigree. And all this! In a simple snake. Incredible design work, 10 out of 10, no notes.

Begone, you miserable peasant. Have him boiled.

3. Torchic

Now I'll be real with you, lads, but Pokemon design hit its stride with Hoenn and then got better.

It's partly a fashion thing, of course - you look at some of the Kanto designs and they are remarkably 90s, because that's when the franchise launched. Others are clearly a product of what the 1990's were capable of producing in pixels on an already over-stretched cartridge medium. Like we like to clown on Red and Green/Blue now, but my god, those game designers performed a miracle with Pokemon. Every single square inch of space was used to make that game, and complex designs weren't going to cut it.

(With that said, there is still no excuse for Dragonite.)

And then Johto came about and its Pokedex sucks ass. It's mostly new evolutions for existing Kanto stars, useless babies to inflate the dex number, or poorly thought out single-evos like the inexplicably short Girafarig and the unacceptably dreary Dunsparce (our greatest thanks to Paldea for fixing both of those).

BUT THEN CAME HOENN (trumpets intensify)

And we get habitats! Biomes! A different regional climate, gifting us a brand new area of Pokecology! And therefore a brand new flush of creativity in Pokemon design across the board; less dated, and more inclined to be unique rather than a rehash of Kantonian stuff.

Which brings me nicely to this lad:

Now, I mean. Just look at him. Fucking hell. Cute starter stage, check. LOOK AT HIM FACE

AND THEN he became, at the time, a brand-new unique typing: Fire/Fighting. I realise that is now the norm for like, half of the Fire starters, but that's because of Torchic, actually. He was super popular. In fact if you ever play Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald and you do what my husband and I like to call a Mynci Dave run (use one Pokemon almost exclusively, meaning it gets all the experience points and therefore over-levels to a terrifying degree, allowing you to sweep the game; so named after the noble Primeape we first did this with, Mynci Dave), Torchic is the PERFECT Pokemon to choose, because almost everything is weak to either Fire or Fighting in that region.

Anyway, Combusken is, again, kind of mid (although props for the inverted colour scheme and the fact that it actually does look like a teenager.) But Blaziken, on the other hand... Blaziken is a six foot ninja chicken with wings for hair whose Pokedex entry describes it as able to leap tall peaks in a single bound, a feat it achieves after strengthening its legs by hoofing Geodudes down mountains like they're fucking footballs

Also an impressive bulge.

My first was called Gilgamesh, and he was fucking great. For a long time, this mad lad was my actual favourite Pokemon, not just starter. Brilliant. Love him. Five stars out of three. King.

2. Fuecoco

It would probably surprise you to know I've not actually used one. I chose Sprigatito, and I do really like Meowscarada, actually. But pretty anthro cat boys have been done in Pokemon quite a bit at this point; cats, dogs and rabbits are over-represented in terms of Poke-taxa. Possibly this is another reason for a toad, a snake and a chicken being 5, 4 and 3 so far (ooh, basilisk ingredients, I've just realised.) They're new and unusual! I like an Eeveelution as much as the next person, but they're a whole family of cat-dog-rabbits, like.

However.

Nintendo has tried its hand at Pokecrocodilians three times (Feraligatr, Krookodile, Skeledirge), and they have gotten so much better at design each time that the three of them are basically a scale proxy for ongoing design improvement. Look, I've made a diagram:

EXCEPT

(Strap in)

This one is that rare thing: a three step line that deserves to be a three step line. Let's talk Fuecoco first:

SO CUTE. It's charming, it's charismatic, it's adorable.

It also has hints of its evolutionary end goal, but not like an undeveloped middle evo. It likes singing. The white face hints at the eventual calavera, and it looks a bit like a lil chilli pepper - a ghost pepper, probably in reference to the eventual Fire/Ghost typing. But the colours and shape right now also look a bit reminiscent of a babygro, because this thing is a cute starter. Lookit them teefs. That tuft. Its lovely smile. Beautiful.

And then, at the point you expect it to turn into just the awkward teenage version of the adult, instead we get Crocator:

Oh boy. Oh there's so much to say. Okay okay:

The region it's from is based on Spain, but this thing is incorporating Hispanic elements from across the board. It's a mariachi in a sombrero, except the sombrero also looks kind of like a ring of Mexican marigolds and kind of like a Catalonian Easter cake called Mona de Pascua that has an egg (or egg-shaped confectionary) in the middle. Body shape and markings look kind of like a piñata. The white face is now on its way to a calavera, with the cheek and nostril markings more defined. And it sings, with its open mouth (also how crocodiles release heat, appropriate for a Fire type) and signified by the mariachi theme.

THAT IS A LOT.

And then it becomes Skeledirge. A Fire/Ghost crocodile.

Now the obvious design here is the calavera and the  Día de Muertos theming, which is part of it. But there are also many examples of crocodile figures in Spanish folkloric ghost stories: the Catalonian Cocollona, the Lizard of Magdalena from Jaén, or the Drac de Na Coca, or even the Cuca - that one is Portuguese, but turns up in both Brasil and the Iberian Peninsula including in parts of Spain. It's got a Gaudi vibe (like Barcelona). It's got an alebrije vibe (like Mexico).

And the bird! Nile crocs have a cleaning symbiosis with Egyptian plovers; it also sits at the tip of the snout where male gharials have a sort of bulbous bit to help them make sounds (the singing thing).

But this is what the bird does when Skeledirge uses Torch Song:

It becomes a microphone, then grows in size and attacks the opponent in Phoenix form. Phoenix: Fire/Ghost. Resurrected from the ashes.

Quite simply, your fave could never.

5. Rowlet

My god. (My god)

gasp

Look at this lovely creacher. He is so round and so soft and so lovely. He looks like that baby Yoda meme. He looks like that cat that someone's landlord said they would make an exception for because he looks very polite. Look!!! At his lil bow tie!!! He is a smartly dressed young man and he is kind and he is... well, a bit vacant behind the eyes. A himbo, if you will. But he is all the better for that. What a lovely owl.

He looks a little like a barn owl, perhaps, and those were imported to Hawai'i, where Rowlet is from. But I think he looks a little like a Pueo owl, and given that he will eventually be a Ghost type, that seems right - pueos are one of the physical forms assumed by ʻaumākua in Hawai'ian culture, as I understand it.

And then, hang onto your tits, lads, because this is another banger - THE MIDDLE EVOLUTION IS ITS OWN DESIGN!!! (confetti cannons)

I said earlier that boring middle evos are like just awkward teenagers of the adults. Here, I present to you, a very deliberate Awkward Teenager, in Dartrix:

IT'S A DANDY

I love him I love him I love him

He plays with his fringe and if you touch it without permission he has a tantrum. God, he's so charismatic. Also, that fringe further suggests the pueo - they have pronounced outer rims around their facial disks like that. Look at his bow tie and tail coat. So smart and handsome

This one is so good that it could be the final evo. This is actually my issue with the Delphox line - Braixen is amazing, and then it becomes the bland boredom of Delphox. Braixen should have been the final stop. Here, Dartrix is much the same - good enough to be a high-quality end goal.

Where they differ is that Decidueye is better again.

IT SHOOTS ARROWS MADE OF ITS OWN QUILLS

Also, fun fact - This line is the only starter to change secondary typing. Dartrix is part Flying; but on evolving a second time into Decidueye, it switches to Grass/Ghost. In this evolution, it's definitely mostly a pueo, so the ʻaumākua reference is IN, but actually barn owls also have their associations with the dead in various cultures.

The crown of feathers around its head are also reminiscent of an ayaigasa - a hat worn by Japanese samurai archers. And yet! AND YET!

It still has its lil bow tie look. Bigger now, more of a cravat; but there it is.

A perfect Pokemon, and a perfect evolutionary line. No notes.

Anyway, thank you for this chance to waste three and a half hours writing this essay

[gardenschedule]

Perceptions of Paul as calculating & John's paranoia

“McCartney’s mistake, which he now admits, was to seem invulnerable. […] And yet, he says, the contrast between himself and Lennon, so assiduously cultivated by journalists, was a fabrication. “I wasn’t brilliant at school. I was trouble, just like John. I got caned practically every day, and the only exam I ever passed was Spanish. John and I weren’t black and white, although people took John, for all his aggression, to be the good guy, because he showed his warts. I’ve only just realized, after all this time, that people like to see warts. It makes them sympathetic. I’d always though that, in order to be liked, you had to be unwarty.””

Living with The Beatles’ legacy, the smears that Lennon left behind… and the battle to win my babies back, The Times Newspaper, Monday January 4, 1982.

Paul was the easiest to talk to. He had such energy and such keenness and, unlike John, enjoyed being liked, at least most of the time. I don't see this as a criticism; John himself could be very cruel about Paul's puppy dog eagerness to please. The irony was, and still is, that John's awfulness to people, his rudeness and cruelty, made people like him more, whereas Paul's genuine niceness made many people suspicious, accusing him of being calculating. Paul does look ahead, seeing what might happen, working out the effect of certain actions, but he often ends up tying himself in knots, not necessarily getting what he thought he wanted. I think there is some insecurity in Paul's nature, which makes him try so hard, work so hard. It also means he can be easily hurt by criticism, which was something that just washed over John.

Hunter Davies, Western Mail: The Beatles. (April 9th, 2004)

Even Paul’s immaculate manners could not thaw her. ‘Oh, yes, he was well-mannered–too well-mannered. He was what we call in Liverpool “talking posh” and I thought he was taking the mickey out of me. I thought “He’s a snake-charmer all right,” John’s little friend, Mr Charming. I wasn’t falling for it. After he’d gone, I said to John, “What are you doing with him? He’s younger than you… and he’s from Speke!”’ After that, when Paul appeared, she would always tell John sarcastically that his ‘little friend’ was here. ‘I used to tease John by saying “chalk and cheese”, meaning how different they were,’ she remembered, ‘and John would start hurling himself around the room like a wild dervish shouting “Chalkandcheese! Chalkandcheese!” with this stupid grin on his face.’

Philip Norman, Paul McCartney: The Life. (2016)

“He always suspected me. He accused me of scheming to buy over Northern Songs without telling him. I was thinking of something to invest in, and Peter Brown said what about Northern Songs, invest in yourself, so I bought a few shares, about 1,000 I think. John went mad, suspecting some plot. Then he bought some himself. He was always thinking I was cunning and devious. That’s my reputation, someone who’s charming, but a clever lad. “It happened the other day at Ringo’s wedding. I was saying to Cilia [Black] that I liked Bobby [her husband]. That’s all I said. Bobby’s a nice bloke. Ah, but what do you REALLY think Paul? You don’t mean that, do you, you’re getting at something? I was being absolutely straight. But she couldn’t believe it. No one ever does. They think I’m calculating all the time.

Paul and Hunter Davies, 1981

In the wake of his death you didn’t tour for most of the ‘80s. People suggested that you were scared to go on the road. Was that true? No. People speculate about anything. They always credit me with motives I haven’t even dreamed of. It’s interesting, the way they sort of perceive my life and analyse it for me. In that case, I never thought about touring much. People used to say, “Oh, it’s 10 years since you’ve toured.” I’d go, “Is it? Y’know, I’m not counting.” That’s all that was, really. I don’t know why. Maybe I didn’t fancy it.

The Q Interview, 2007

Astrid in Germany was always a bit suspicious of Paul at first, though his relationship with Stu was also bound up in this. 'It used to frighten me that someone could be so nice all the time. Which is silly. It's ridiculous to feel at home with nasty people, just because you feel that at least you know where you are with them. It's silly to be wary of nice people.'

The Beatles (Updated Edition) (Hunter Davies)

Paul is the easiest to get to know for an outsider, but in the end he is the hardest to get to know. There is a feeling that he is holding things back, that he is one jump ahead, aware of the impression he is giving. He is self-conscious, which the others are not. John doesn't care, either way, what people think. Ringo is too adult to think about such things, and George in many ways isn't conscious. He is above it all.

The Beatles (Updated Edition) (Hunter Davies)

Paul today is still the public Beatle, giving interviews at fairly regular intervals, being open and honest about himself and his past, his worries and his pleasures. Naturally, as ever, there are people who suspect his motives, putting him down for being too charming. Paul may be a bit of an actor, acting the part of Paul McCartney, the charming superstar, still loved by every mum, which can make him sound rather prissy at times, but I believe he does tell the truth about himself.

The Beatles (Updated Edition) (Hunter Davies)

“My problem is to me, I come over as this very together guy, always got his finger on top of everything: the man with no problems. School – a doddle, got all the exams. This is the sort of image of me. Actually, I had murder getting through exams, like I was saying about being on tour during my GCEs. I was like the kid who was getting the cane. Just like John was, but he [Phillip Norman] makes me the very shrewd, always-going-to-succeed guy, and John is the kind of cute, working-class hero. In actual fact though, John was just as shrewd and ambitious as I was. What does me in is he adds to this image I’ve got; I resent that, because I know I’m not that, and I know I’ve never been that.

Paul McCartney’s thoughts from 1983 on Phillip Norman’s ‘Shout!’

The funny thing is, when Apple [started], everything was laid out on the table, it’s like a Monopoly game. We saw who had what. I suddenly had more Northern Song shares than anybody, and it was like, oops, sorry. John was like, “You bastard, you’ve been buying behind my back.” John saw everything like a Harold Robbins movie, you know, which it was. He’s not incorrect. I couldn’t get over the fact that we were really involved in all this. I think to this day, he’ll not understand. I don’t think he would accept right now, my naïveté in it. I think he still suspects me of trying to take over Apple. He still suspects that when I offered the Eastmans as [managers] instead of Allen Klein, he naturally assumed that I would be taken care of better than the others, and that the Eastmans could never be moral enough to be equal in their judgment and do the Beatles’ thing rather than Paul’s thing. I think they still suspect to this day.

The point I was trying to illustrate is that it wasn’t so much John being a bastard as it was his being suspicious towards me, always being suspicious towards me. There was Northern Song shares. And I swear on any holy book you want, I know he won’t believe it, but I know for sure that I didn’t buy them with the view to— If I was really trying to do it, I could have bought an awful lot more. So it does hurt a little bit that there’s someone who still thinks, like, I’m out to get them, or that I always was. That’s one of the nice things about it— It’s a pity [I never said to John, “Fuck off, I’m not trying to do it”—and never was]. But he knows I was kind of— We were behind the scenes, and we did a few little [things] that we had to do, and our ambitions, and it was never a kind of terrifying skeletons in the closet. It was always just normal—but, uh, they …

All You Need Is Love – Peter Brown & Steven Gaines

SG: Were the other Beatles anti-Linda? PMcC: Uh, yeah. I should think so. Like we were anti-Yoko. But you know John and Yoko, you can see it now, the way to get their friendship is to do everything the way they require it. To do anything else is how to not get their friendship. This is still how it is with John and Yoko. I know that if I absolutely lie down on the ground and just do everything like they say and laugh at all their jokes and don’t expect my jokes to ever get laughed at, and don’t expect any of my opinions ever to carry any weight whatsoever, if I’m willing to do all that, then we can be friends. But if I have an opinion that differs from theirs, then I’m a sort of an enemy. And naturally, paint myself a villain with a big mustache on, because to the ends of the earth, that’s how they both see me. They’re very suspicious people [John and Yoko], and one of the things that hurt me out of the whole affair, was that we’d come all that way together, and out of either a fault in my character, or out of lack of understanding in their character, I’d still never managed to impress upon them that I wasn’t trying to screw them. I don’t think that I have to this day.

All You Need Is Love – Peter Brown & Steven Gaines

I was never out to screw him, never. He could be a maneuvering swine, which no one ever realized. Now since the death he’s became Martin Luther Lennon. But that really wasn’t him either. He wasn’t some sort of holy saint. He was still really a debunker. “For ten years together he took my songs apart. He was paranoiac about my songs. We have great screaming sessions about them.

Paul and Hunter Davies, 1981

SALEWICZ: Oh, he was presumably very paranoid. PAUL: I think so. I mean, he warned me off Yoko once. You know, “Look, this is my chick!” ’Cause he knew my reputation. I mean, we knew each other rather well. And um, I felt… I just said, “Yeah, no problem.” But I did sort of feel he ought to have known I wouldn’t, but. You know, he was going through “I’m just a jealous guy”. He was a paranoid guy. And he was into drugs. Heavy.

September, 1986 (MPL Communications, London)

Miles says, “I think Jane was always a bit irritated by John. Because he was so acerbic and difficult to get on with. And paranoid. He didn’t make life easy. I suppose it’s a sort of rapier wit, but it was usually just plain ordinary rudeness. There was nothing special about it.”

Paul McCartney profile for FAME Magazine (March 1990)

“They [Lennon & McCartney] saw each other again in 1977. The Lennons and McCartneys ate dinner together at Le Cirque, Paul’s favourite French restaurant in New York. John regretted going; it was a loathsome night. Paul and Linda blathered on and on about how perfect their lives were, how they had everything they’d ever wanted, and how they were as happy as they’d ever been. Something very paranoid suddenly occurred to John. Maybe Lorraine Boyle was spying on him for the McCartneys! He woke up the next morning still feeling disturbed; he consulted the Oracle. Swan assured him that Paul and Linda were frustrated and unsatisfied. Their marriage was in trouble, he said, predicting it would break up within the year. Lately Swan’s visions had been astonishingly accurate. Relieved, John began composing a song—a little ditty, really, that would never be released—in praise of the Oracle’s powers. But he still couldn’t understand why Paul and Linda had been together for as long as they had. There appeared to be a psychic connection between John and Paul. Every time McCartney was in town, John would hear Paul’s music in his head.”

Robert Rosen, Nowhere Man: The Final Days of John Lennon, (2000)

JOHN: […..] And he’s (Jagger) goin’ on about “he never calls. Do you think he ever calls? He never calls me. And he keeps changing his phone number all the time… And he’s hiding behind the kid.” I was hurt by it! You know… The fact that… A, I never call anybody. It’s not pride, it’s just that I never, ever have. REPORTER: Why? JOHN: I never call the other Beatles, I never call anybody. They always call me. REPORTER: Why? JOHN: Cos I’m self-involved! I’m paranoid, too. I don’t like phones… There’s nobody on this earth ever got a call from me that isn’t related, probably. Or a very old friend…

Sept 1980 – John

“Yoko was an extremist and was even more intense than John taking any idea or comment of his to the limit. If, for example, he complained about any of his fellow Beatles she would hint that that Beatle had always been an enemy implying that John should never deal with that person again. Her extreme positions fascinated John and help him take his mind off himself but when she became self-involved and paranoid herself -her paranoia usually dealt with her career, her fame and the fact that even though she had always been famous everyone conspired to keep her from getting even more famous- he had no place to turn. His insecurity about his solo career, his childhood, his relationships with the other Beatles, the way the public perceived Yoko overwhelmed him and he became more and more involved with drugs.”

May Pang, Loving John (1984)

John was lucky. He got all his hurt out. I’m a different sort of a personality. There’s still a lot inside me that’s trying to work it out. And that’s why it’s good to see that wedding-funeral bit, because I started to think, ‘Wait a minute, this is someone who’s going over the top. This is paranoia manifesting itself.’ And so my feeling is just like it was at the time, which is like, He’s my buddy, I don’t really want to do anything to hurt him, or his memory, or anything. I don’t want to hurt Yoko. But, at the same time, it doesn’t mean that I understand what went down.

Paul McCartney: An Innocent Man? (October, 1986)

Some three year later, during the making of Abbey Road, Lennon installed a twin bed in the studio so that Yoko, recuperating from a car crash, could survey proceedings and pass comment though a mike he had suspended over her. The other Beatles positioned themselves around the room as best they could. Yoko would later tell Paul that if, for any reason, he’d seemed to be standing too close to her, all hell would break loose when John got her home. Lennon, she said, was ‘very paranoid’ like that.

McCartney by Chris Sandford

But we were actually quite supportive. Not supportive enough, you know; it would have been nice to have been really supportive because then we could look back and say, “Weren’t we really terrific?” But looking back on it, I think we were okay. We were never really that mean to them. But I think a lot of the time John suspected meanness where it wasn’t really there.

Paul McCartney, interview w/ Chris Salewicz for Musician: Tug of war – Paul McCartney wants to lay his demons to rest. (October, 1986)

I just read about this thing that’s going on sale at Sotheby’s – this Apple booklet with John’s comments in the margins in his own handwriting. It is so bitter. Like, there’s a picture of Paul and Linda’s wedding – and John’s crossed out “wedding” and written in “funeral.” I think it starts to tell there. Another caption says, “Paul goes to Hollywood” – and then he’s apparently written in the margin, “To cut Yoko and John out of the film.” He often thought that we were tryin’ to cut Yoko out of things, to cut her out of Let It Be. I suppose we were, in some degree; because she wasn’t in the Beatles, and it was a Beatles film, and it wasn’t absolutely necessary to have long footage of her in there. She certainly was in there, but obviously they felt she should be in there a little more. I bent over backward trying to see John’s point of view. I still bend over backward trying to not malign him.”

Paul McCartney, Rolling Stone, September 11th, 1986

[darkstrawberrytimetravel]

Why don't you just give in? Pt.2

Fem reader

Pt.1

You

He's looking skinny, or as skinny as a man who's resembled a brick shithouse for the last two decades can be, less toned I suppose more lean. I watch as he turns away, the t-shirt he's wearing allowing for more creases, bagginess. He's forgone his mask, not that he needs it. He needs a shave instead, he almost resembles his Captain with that growth. His dirty blonde hair now sun bleached in parts and his tan somewhat deeper.

You know you want to run your fingers through it, feel the short hairs against the pads of your fingers as your hand moves against the grain. The last time you did that his hands were- My thoughts are both rudely and thankfully interrupted.

“Ohhh blimey you see the lads? Who's that with the scraggly face? The tall one?” I hear Laura beside me. Instantly the table I'm seated at falls into hushed gossip, as they always do when they see the task force. The SAS lads are a common sight around here, but the more specialist unit within it still garners mystique, enthusiastic and borderline obsessive gossip whenever they grace us with their presence.

“Ghost… you really don't recognise him without that rag on his face?” I murmur as I look down and bring my mug of coffee to my lips. Ghost... I still hate that callsign. Nickname. The lore. I mean I know how fucking vicious and brutal he can be. It's not learnt or adaptive behaviour since joining the military. As usual the table descends into the usual gossip, the girls wanting to follow them to the pub they'll inevitably end up at later on. Such is the routine when they land back on home turf, especially since they've clearly been gone a while. Eat, drink, fuck, repeat.

I zone out, leaving the others to continue their usual shite when they talk about the lads. Finishing up, I stand with my tray and head to the tray return carts, Laura shouts and tells me I will be joining them tonight and that it's final. Fuckin’ a! Wherever the lads will be, so will we, the sodding groupies they are. Though it won't take much to be out the way, they're only headed to a pub. No need to dress to impress.

Walking away from my table I steel myself, walking past Riley and his lot. I resist the urge to gob in his food, as usual. I would have done it years ago, but I've risen above that version of myself. I do however afford a quick glance down and I'm met with ochre orbs, his ochre eyes. This time I yield and look away, not wanting to walk into someone with a tray full leftover dinner.

Later I find myself freshly showered, the weather keeps flip-flopping so I decide on shorts with a tank and a hoodie with my favourite trainers. It's still warm and humid enough to warrant the summer gear, but as August stretches through to September there's a chill in the air. I look at myself in the mirror, my hair tousled and low key smokey eyes. I almost feel like I should scrub the makeup off, I'm in my mid thirties, why am I dressing like I'm fifteen years younger.

We all bundle in the taxi for fifteen minutes it takes for us to get to the town centre in Hereford. I listen as the others plan and scheme where the lads are, I give the usual non committal noises they'd expect but eventually I put my proverbial foot down. “Look, I don't want to spend all night with you lot drooling over them. We'll get pre-drinks at The Queen's Arms, some of you will get a quickie I'm sure, and then we should go somewhere better to spend our time.”

I'm met with eye rolls and smirks, it's no secret I'm not enthralled by the lads on the task force, and even under duress when plied with copious drinks I've still not spilt the beans. Finally the taxi pulls over and we hop out, the fare being prepaid since it was a group booking. I stay behind to organise a return journey later before following the girls into the pub. We're met with a wall of sound, almost raucous, as we filter in and find a table. I see Riley actually enjoying himself around the pool table for once.

Pt.3

[mothiir]

Would you consider Russ content? Either Emps wife snatching or just more generally?

🍀

yes absolutely! not in a fic-writing mood at the moment so here are some headcanons:

russ’s sexual mores are very fenris -culturally specific which is to say viking-influenced which is to say no he isn’t gay, he tops all the time, therefore not gay

that aside: he comes from a society that takes things like marriage very seriously — the men will go out and fight and hunt, and the women politick and strategise, so if you wed it needs to be a strong, canny, clever woman who will mind your thralls in your absence and cast a few spells to grant you luck which is absolutely. not the same. thing. as psykers.

so for all his brash barbarian reputation — sometimes earned, sometimes feigned — when it comes to settling down (as much as he can settle down) he’d seek out a woman who is strong enough to manage him and his household, and clever enough to scheme and plot when needed.

acquiring this woman could be….problematic. look, leman russ is generally a decent sort, and he likes dogs which makes him okay in my book, but he is also a space viking who is known as Big E’s executioner. what i am saying is that he would not see anything wrong with burning a troublesome planet to the ground, putting most of the men to the sword, and absconding with the woman who tried to put a knife in his eye after he tore her husband in half. or he’d take the one shaking captive who mustered up the strength to spit blood on his boots like “ooh this one has spirit! mine now!”

outside of marriage, however, his tastes are a little more lax: he will happily bed a pretty lass or lad between (or after, or during) battles, with no expectation that anything comes of it. if he’s obtained a wife, he would probably stop the casual shagging, but he may come back from a campaign with a woman over his shoulder, looking somewhat sheepish, and explain that okay she’s not exactly a thrall but how do you feel about another wife —

you could tell him to put the poor girl back where he found her — but honestly your best bet is probably forming an alliance with her. leman russ is a terrifying force of nature, but he’s weak to his women, like most so-called alpha wolves. he may go out to fight in the emperor’s crusades, but you wear the keys to his home around your waist — and you hold his lead in your hand.

[silent-raven13]

Miles' work husband

Hobby casually walking with Pavtri and Gwen, the three finished a mission from a world filled with fairies. So they were covered in pixie dust that got Gwen sniffing like crazy. "AH-CHOO! Ugh, man! This is worse than pollen!" She sniffs feeling terrible.

"Oh no, you need some allergy medication?" Pavtri asked with worry, "Maybe we should go to Med-Bay and get some pills."

"AH-CHOO!" Gwen sneezed next to Hobie. Luckily they were all wearing all their Spidey mask, which was bad for Gwen. All her snot and spit went her mask making Pavtri give a disgusted look.

Hobie gave a stank expression under his mask. YUCK! "Aye, you good, Gwendy?"

Gwen groans, "UGH! This is so gross. I'm going to Med-Bay. I need some allergy pills!" She remove her masks showing her upper lip being wet.

"Maybe go to the bathroom first, because that looks really nasty." Pavtri hums at her trying to be kind.

"Yeah, I should." She cover her lower face feeling grossed out and embarrassed about it. "God, I wish Kaine was here! At least, I know he would warned me about that place!"

"Oh yeah, he has a cute fanny pack now!" Pavtri giggles.

Hobie's arched his left eyebrow being curious about this new Spider-man. "Kaine?"

"Oh, he's recently new to HQ- um, I'll go wash up. Pav, give Hobie the TEA and DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT WHAT THE PEEPS ARE SAYING ABOUT HIM AND... mm-mmm!" Gwen left at that, she rushes through the restroom.

"OHHHHH! OKAY!" Pavtri nodded at this being excited about sharing some sweet gossip.

Hobie being a laid back person, he never cared about other people business or their own drama in Spider Society. Also, Pavtri always keeps the punker well informed about everything going on HQ. The bubbly guy is an encyclopedia of every Spider-men and their drama. He can tell which Spider-man ate a blueberry muffin at the cafeteria at twelve in the afternoon.

"So," Pavtri's voice broke Hobie's train of thought. The punker finally looks at his friend with interest. "Kaine Parker is a clone of Peter Parker! He was one of the first clones before Ben Riley, and he's so nice! I mean, really really nice!"

"Okay? How does he look?"

"His suit is sort of like Miles' color scheme, black and red. Mostly red." Pavtri said, "As his face? Hmm, I dunno know how he looks. I heard he had a defect so part of his face is disfigured and he's very self conscious about it."

"Ah, poor lad." Hobie simply said.

"Yeah! He's a sweet guy! You should meet him! He's into a lot of nerd stuff like Lord of the Rings, Star trek or Starwars." Pavtri happily ramble, "And he's so awkward, too. I'm glad he got Miles to help him out on missions."

"Miles know him?" Hobie casually asked, he wasn't jealous... yet. He learned to not get his insecurities get the best of him.

"Yeah, they work on the same schedule, and they tend to always team up. I'm surprised you haven't seen him! He's always around here hanging out, and helping as much as he can."

"Sounds like a nice mate."

"Oh yeah!" Pavtri kept talking without thinking about what he was going to say, "Everyone knows him, so you gotta meet him. Him and Miles also does this funny handshake every time they meet."

"So they're friends?" Hobie asked, his magazine body turning into a muted yellow being curious about this. He's okay, no jealousy here.

"Huh uh, everyone thinks they are funny together, even on missions they get each other." The wavy haired Spider-man giggles at the memories, "It's no wonder they called each other work husbands-OPP!." He quickly slap his mouth shut by his own words leaving him out.

"What?" Hobie's whole body turned into a dark grey mixed with red alerted fonts.

"NOTHING!" Pavtri quickly meep.

"Pav, mate...'" Hobie creepily sway himself like a snake to meet his friend's eyes, "What did you say?"

Pavtri nervously stood holding his breath, damn he sometimes wish he sew his mouth shut. Hobie always reacts like this. Oh why he couldn't keep quiet!

Without a second heartbeat Gwen came to the rescue, she came with paper towels wiping her wet hands from using the restroom. Her face refreshed and clean from snot, "Gwen! Oh thank Brahma!" Pavtri quickly hides behind her with a small whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Wha?" Her blue eyes look back and forth between her friend, "PAV, you didn't!" She hissed as she noticed Hobie turning red with black fonts flashing through him.

"I'm sorry! I didn't-" Hobie cut them arguing, "Gwendy, what is going on?"

"Uhhh.... nothing, heh?" Gwen stood nervously with Pavtri hugging her.

"Gwen. Pavtri." A warning sound from their Hobie which they never heard his voice deep and it was rare for him to use their names! "What. Is. Going. On?" His dark eyes on them.

"Uhhhhh...." Gwen looks down the floor to the open space of the hallway, "promise you won't get mad?"

"Mm...." He saw them waiting for him to make the promise. "Fine. I promise." His black and red colors on his were showing more seeing he was frustrated.

Gwen and Pavtri look at each other then decided to tell him. "Okay, so Kaine and Miles been on missions and hanging out for a while...."

"I heard." Hobie crosses his arms across his chest feeling upset.

"So everyone that worked with them since they are friends... they like to say they are each other work husbands... heh." Gwen slowly said.

"Work husbands? And what is that?" Hobie scowls a bit already having a foul mood.

"It's like having a husband, but at work! They just work so well on missions, Hobie. Everyone makes fun of them being so sync- there's nothing wrong with having a bit fun! Hobie, we swear him and Miles are-" Gwen saw Hobie walking off already jealous. "Ah, shit! Pav, I told you to stay quiet about this!" She walks to follow Hobie before the punker does anything ridiculous.

"I'm sorry! But what did you expect! I'm always talking!" Pav defend himself. He follows her with a panic in his mind. "You don't think he'll get upset!"

"Gawd, I hope not!" She said out loud as they follow Hobie.

Hobie follows his watch where he sync with his beloved Sunflower. The moment he got to a room where a lot of Spider-heroes appeared from their portals, he saw Miles coming out of the portal with a Spider-man wearing red and black.

"Wow, man. That was such an awesome world! I didn't know we had to learn magic!" Miles laughs along side the Spider-man.

"Right! The fight with the orcs! I never thought it would be so much fun!" Kaine laughs along being taller than Miles, possibly the same height as Hobie, but with more muscle. The guy accidentally tripped, "OPP!"

"I gotcha man!" Miles quickly caught Kaine in his arms and they were laughing. The two were being goofy. Hobie felt a wave of jealousy seeing his Sunflower smiling with that perfect smile from a Spider-man. No, only he gets to make him smile.

"Haha, thanks man!" Kaine gave him a side hug. "I can't wait for next week."

Next week? Hobie tilted his head being confused.

"Oh yeah, Ganke so want a rematch." Miles giggles.

Kaine was about to speak until, he noticed the famous Spider Punk appearing behind the Miles with one hand around Miles' waist being protective. "Hobie!" Miles turns to be startled by his man.

"Hello, luv!" Hobie pulls Miles close to him, then his eyes stare over to Kaine, "Who's this?"

"OH this is Kaine!" Miles introduce him.

Kaine nodded with his hand sticking out, "Hi, Kaine Parker! Earth 617! I'm sort of a clone of Peter Parker, but in my world he actually died by some complicated stuff and I got to take over.... it's a whole thing!"

"Huh..." The tall punker sounded like he's listening but his eyes would go back to his partner. This time he slouches on Miles making him stumble a bit by his weight.

"Ohfff, baby! You gotta warn me next time! I almost fell." Miles found his stance and stood while holding on to his partners' weight.

Kaine's brow bone arched showing from his mask, "He's a cuddler?" He stood amazing on Hobie's body changing into a soft pink with hearts all over. It's very fascinating to watch. Kaine had more a dark harsh lines like an intense ink comic book style.

"Yeah, always!" Miles giggles as Hobie acted like a toddler wanting his parent to pay attention to him. He rubs his cheek against Miles' soft baby cheeks, he's like a cat. "Bae, I'm talking."

Hobie quickly hugs him being jealous. "Oh, I'm sorry, Kaine!" Miles chuckles nervously, "Hobie is always like this."

"Nah, your good! I didn't know the famous Spider Punk was this friendly." Kaine chuckles.

"Hey, you two!" A Spider-woman with duo chrome of green and yellow metallic spider suit with a black spider printed on the middle of her chest. This one had a high pony tail with long brown hair.

Hobie turns his head looking confused, "Who's this, luv?" He asked.

"Oh this is Kitty Pryde! She's a Spider-woman on Earth XM129, she got sweet super powers like me!" Miles said happily.

"Hahaha, I go through solid objects." She took off her mask to reveal her face. Kitty had such a pretty face almost like angelic doll with brown eyes and soft pink lips with small nose. "Spider Punk?"

"I don't believe in labels."

"Ahh, gotcha." Kitty heard Spider Punk is a pro activist at heart, always going against the government, the system. Not surprised of this introduction. Then she turned to Kaine, "So Kaine, how was your hubby in the magical world?"

"Hubby?" Hobie's head pop up from his cuddle with his boyfriend, he's full on alert. His body turning grey with a flash of yellow.

Miles placed his hand on his boyfriend's chest, "Relax, bae. It's a funny nickname everyone says about me and Kaine."

"Ohh, are you jealous?" Kitty watches at Hobie's body with amusement, "Don't worry it's all a joke. Miles and Kaine are work hubbies."

"Work hubbies?" Hobie turns his head at Miles, then places his hands on his lover's shoulders, "No, this is MY boyfriend, mates!"

Miles rolled his eyes, "Hobie! It's all a joke-" His boyfriend buries his head into his chest, "No, you're my boyfriend, luv!"

Kaine held his hands up in defense, "We get it, but it's everyone that likes to joke about it. Don't worry I'm a taken man!"

Kitty giggles having her arms wrapping around Kaine's right arm, "Hehe, he's not listening, bae."

Hobie already acting like a child about this, "Luv, I thought you and I were supposed to be together forever!"

"We are! Baby, we're just friends that work well on- WHOA! Hobie, put me down!" Miles never felt so embarrassed being picked up like a bride.

Hobie nuzzles his partner's cheeks again, "This is better, Sunflower!" He protectively carry his boyfriend. "Ain't I make a better work husband for you."

Miles let out a loud sigh, "Yeah..." No use now! His boyfriend is already jealous.

"I love you, Sunflower!" Hobie planted kisses on his cheeks.

Kitty giggles, "Awe, so cute! Hobie, you know Miles and Kaine put their names as Hubby 1 and 2 on our logs!" A log where many Spider-heroes sign up to partner up or go in groups for missions.

"AH!" Hobie stood in shock before he whines, "SUNFLOWER!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, KITTY!" Miles shouted, "Ahh, Hobie!" His boyfriend began telling him how much he loves him and snuggling him. A whole rant about he never felt so betray!

"Kitty, you know you did that with Gwen!" Kaine said to his girlfriend.

"Hehehe, I know. It's just I heard Hobie gets all cute with his boo when a man comes into Mimi's life." Kitty giggles as she watches the two. Pavtri's blog on Spider So-City was never wrong. They are a cute couple.

[dragonjesterwrites]

Animatronic Hug Rating Chart 🫂✨️

Happy Valentine's Day! 🩷 Actually wanted to write this awhile back but I wanted to finish some of the requests in my inbox first. Can be read as platonic or romantic! Also only did the Funtimes, Mediocre Melodies, and Glamrocks + Sun/Moon + DJMM to keep it short, but feel free to request any others!

~~~~~

Funtimes:

Funtime Freddy: Fully embraces the concept of bear hugging, might crush you accidentally lmao, and has a hard time knowing when to let go. Other than that, very solid hugs, will pick you up off the floor into an all encompassing embrace while laughing in delight (7/10)

BonBon: Likes to give hugs, hard for him though because he's only like, a foot tall (short king) and attached to Freddy most of the time. But he does his best! (8/10)

Funtime Foxy: Actually pretty touch averse, much prefers to interact with others from the stage, but if you're upset and want a hug, they'll do their best. An awkward and probably short hug, but a well-intentioned one. (4/10)

Circus Baby: Will probably not realize you want a hug at first (too busy scheming lmao), but she'll give you one! Like Freddy, very solid, just straight up picks you off the floor and holds you tight. A bit odd, but comforting. (6/10)

Ballora: She keeps her eyes closed 99% of the time, so she might accidentally bump into you as she reaches out for you, but otherwise a pretty good hugger. Gentle, but firm enough that you feel comforted. (8/10)

Funtime Chica: Cross between a motherly hug and an excitable one; will pick you up and squeeze you tight, but not so tight that you're at risk of being crushed. Might forget to end the hug and start talking though, just kind of carries you around. Congrats, you're now her emotional support human 👍 get lovingly kidnapped nerd (7/10)

~~~~~

Mediocre Melodies:

Happy Frog: Honestly a fantastic hugger. Very solid, loves hugs tbh. Whether you need a comfort hug, a shoulder to cry on, a congratulations hug, or you're a hugger yourself, she's got you (10/10)

Mr. Hippo: Won't initiate, he's more a talker than a touchy person, but will happily give you a hug if asked. Gentle, very safe. He will absolutely take it as permission to start telling you stories, though (9/10)

Orville: Also won't initiate, though its more because he's a bit shy and very excited to give hugs (he's a wee bit touch-starved), doesn't want to hurt you accidentally with his enthusiasm. Shame because he's a very good hugger, very warm and solid hug (9/10)

Pigpatch: Honestly not a huge hug person, but will give you a side-hug if you ask. More likely to just pat you on the back lol (2/10)

Nedd Bear: Big goofy lad, will absolutely give you a hug. Won't pick you up but will bear-hug you regardless, squeeze you tight- maybe a little too tight though, you might have to remind him you have organs and bones you'd like to keep intact lmao (5/10)

~~~~~

Glamrocks, Sun/Moon, + DJMM:

Glamrock Freddy: Very good, comforting hugs. If you're significantly shorter than him he'll kneel down and hug you. Very gentle if you need, very firm if you need, and always asks first. (11/10)

Glamrock Chica: Pretty decent hugger! Probably has pizza grease on her hands though. Will pick you up and swing you about if she's excited enough. (6/10)

Glamrock Bonnie: Always excited to give hugs! Will pick you up and squeeze you tight, forgets his own strength sometimes. But his ears twitch and his lil bunny tail wags when he hugs you, so you can excuse your spine being turned to dust (6/10)

Monty: Surprised and secretly delighted to get offered/be asked for a hug. A little unsure at first, but ends up giving a very enthusiastic hug, RIP your bones and organs (7/10)

Roxy: Might roll her eyes and call you sappy, but actually bawling inside because she can't remember the last time someone wasn't too intimidated to offer/ask for a hug from her. Puts everything into that hug, and doesn't let go (7/10)

Sun: Will pick you up and spin you around if he's in a good mood, if he's in a bad one you're being kidnapped and dragged off to the blanket fort for emergency cuddles. Ditto if you're in a bad mood. Lanky but still a good hugger, very clingy though, won't let you go until you ask, and even then he'll whine and droop like a dying flower. Sun is a master of emotional manipulation (6/10)

Moon: The most gentle hug you've ever received in your life. Very soothing and calming, you feel very safe. But watch out! Sometimes he'll "fall asleep" (a lie; you can tell because he's started giggling) so he can hug you longer. And then he "sleep-uses the cable" to "sleep-kidnap" you and before you know it, you've been blanket-burrito'd and laid down in the pillow fort in their room, with him still hugging you. Can't complain though, literally the comfiest you've ever be... zzz (7/10)

DJMM: Okay, so he can't actually hug, but he does his best 😭 very gentle and inviting, opens one of his hands and sets it down so you can climb in, will carefully enclose you (or let you hug his finger if you're claustrophobic) and if you're cool with it, he'll let you splay yourself out on his back and hug him like that. Gentle giant, loves hugs, cursed with being an absolute unit though (9/10)

[footballfanficwriter]

Promises we made

Summary: They made promises to eachother

13 years ago:

"Jude?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll ever find love"

"Uhm I don't know, what Is love anyway"

"I don't know,but I think it's all about holding hands and hugging your boyfriend or girlfriend"

"But we do that all the time"

"Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend"

"I don't know, maybe"

"But don't girlfriends and boyfriends like kiss eachother"

"Eww,that's gross"

"Yeah, love is gross, I don't think I want to have it"

"Me too"

"But my mom and dad hug and kiss eachother all the time,does that make them boyfriend and girlfriend"

"I don't know Jude, Maybe they are"

"I think they're married"

"I think I wanna get married instead of being someone's girlfriend"

"Isn't that the same thing as being someone's girlfriend"

"No being girlfriend and boyfriend means you have to kiss and hug your boyfriend or girlfriend and do all the yucky stuff"

"Then what does being married mean"

"You live with the person but you don't kiss them, you only hug them and live with them"

"Oh yeah that makes it easier to understand"

"Yeah, so I wanna get married"

"I promise that when we're older we'll get married,then I can become a football player and you can become an actress, and we'll live together and be happy"

"Yeah, then we can have as much candy as we want and no one would tell us to stop"

"But what about kids"

"Only boyfriends and girlfriends have kids"

"Oh yeah right"

"You didn't make a promise to me Y/n"

"Oh right, I promise to always be your best friend and always be there for you"

"Thank you, me as well I promise too"

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise"

10 years later:

Jude an I are at his house just sitting on the floor and talking about random stuff

"Am I really that hard to love"

"What do you mean?"

"I broke up with Isaac "

"Another one bites the dust"

"Stop"

"Why did you break up with him"

"He was too controlling for my liking"

"Good riddance,I never even liked the lad anyway"

"You never liked any of my boyfriends"

"That's because they were all pricks"

"No not all of them"

"Whatever, and to answer your question , no you are not hard to love"

"Well to help you feel beter, Roxy broke up with me"

"What for?"

"Something about not feeling it anymore"

"Oh well her loss"

"You know what we should do"

"What?"

"If all love in our lives fails us we should just get married to eachother"

"That's actually a good idea"

"See I'm clever as well"

"Whatever einstein"

"C'mon let's plan our wedding"

"It's not like we're actually gonna get married"

"Yeah but if it happens we need to be prepared"

He grabs his laptop and starts typing things

"Ok first order of business,the cake"

"Why the cake, why can't it be the wedding dress first"

"Fine, the wedding dress first"

"Ok I pick this one":

"That looks pretty, you're gonna look so pretty"

"Thank you"

"Ok now for the suit"

"Just wear a black suit"

"Oh right, what's next"

"The venue"

"What about that one"

"Yeah that's really beautiful"

"Next"

"The rings"

"Let's pick for eachother"

"Ok I pick this one for you"

"Then I pick this one for you"

"I'm not gonna lie I'm really enjoying doing this"

"Same"

"What's next then"

"The cake"

"Ok I'm in love with that one"

"I definitely agree"

"We need a reception as well"

"Which one should we go for"

"You can pick this one Jude"

"Ok, I pick this one"

"We forgot a color scheme"

"White and Gold"

"Ok"

"Is that all"

"The food"

"So a Buffett"

"Yeah, that way everybody can have how ever amount of food that they"

"Smart"

"Yeah I know I am"

"Whatever"

"JUDE BELLINGHAM HAS JUST SCORED THE THIRD GOAL OF THE MATCH, WHAT A LAD"

Present day:

"Bellingham, Bellingham, Bellingham,BELLINGHAM!"

The crowd goes wild as I sit there watching Jude celebrating with his teammates, he turns around and blows me an air kiss

I catch it and return it back to him

When the game ends the score is 5-0

I wait for Jude to do the post match interview and receive his player of the match award

When he's done we walk to the car

"I'll drive" I say

"Thank you, I'm proper knackered"

"I know"

"Can you believe we're getting married, this weekend

"I know it feels so surreal"

"What feels surreal is the fact that by this time Next week you'll already be MRS Bellingham, you'll be my wife"

"And you'll be my husband"

"I can't believe it"

"Me too"

Weekend:

The day is finally here I'm getting married to my bestfriend and the man I love

"Aww, look at how beautiful you look,you look so beautiful sweetheart"

"Thanks mom"

"Good God I'm gonna cry"

"No please don't"

She comes in for a hug and when she pulls back, she's got tears in her eyes"

"Mom please don't cry, it's not like I'm leaving you"

"You sort of are in a way" she says

"Ok places everybody, we're up in 5" the wedding planner says

"Let's get you married"

We make our way outside and start walking to where the ceremony is taking place

My bridesmaids make they're way down the aisle

When they're done it's my turn

I take a deep breath before walking

Please don't trip

Please don't trip

Please don't trip

Please don't trip

Then I see him,black crisp tuxedo that looks like second skin on him

He's smiling at me and I smile back at him

When I reach the end of the aisle he grabs my hand and guides me in front of him

"Hi" he whispers

"Hey" I whisper back

"You look beautiful"

"You look handsome"

"I can't believe we're doing this"

"We're crazy"

"Most definitely"

"Thank you everyone for being her today to bring together these two people in matrimony, I don't wanna wate your time so let's get into it the couple have decided to have their own vows , starting with y/n"

"Jude you are my best friend, you always have been, you've been there for me every single day, at first I saw you as my brother, which is weird now that I'm thinking about it , but the point is you've been my pillar, the person to push me when I was not up for the challenge , when I felt like my world was ending and when I felt alone, you showed me countless times that you were right there and if I fell you where always there to pick me up and tell me to try again, I love you more than words can ever Express and I promise to always love you"

"Alright now Jude"

"Y/n, many years ago I made a promise to, a promise nobody but us knew about, I promised that one day I'd marry you here I am now fulfilling that promise, I am so happy you are a person that exists in this universe, because there are thousands of people in this universe and if I'm gonna be marrying one I'm Glad it's you, I can't imagine my life without you or how it where I would be right now without you, but I know for a fact that I wouldn't be standing here making you my wife, I love you more than anything in this universe and I promise to always support you and love you"

"By the power vested in me"

" pronounce you Husband and wife, you may kiss the bride"

Jude doesn't waste another second to kiss me

When we pull away he smiles at me

"I can't believe we did that"

"Well believe it"

We walk down the aisle and take a few pictures before going to the reception

We enjoy with our friends, family and loved ones

And by the time 10 O'clock hits my feet are tired from all the dancing

So Jude decides we should go to bed

"What a day"

"Yeah you can say that again"

"MRS. Bellingham"

"That feels weird to hear"

"Stop ruining the moment, I'm trying to build up something"

"Oh, ok sorry, start from the beginning"

"Y/n"

"Sorry"

"Stop"

We end up laughing and he just pulls me in for a kiss, that slowly becomes heated by the moment

He pulls away and says

"I love you so much"

"And I love you more"

[immediatebreakfast]

This was just wow, I want to shake hands with Robert Louis Stevenson, and tell him how much I enjoyed this whole book to the end.

The last stop of Davie's adventure, a last victory for the lad that traveled in a circle, and one of the most impressive dialogue showdowns that I have ever read. Because it is that, a showdowns of words, cadence, and arguments like no other. Between Davie's constant friend the Highlander Alan Breck Stewart, and Davie's scheming uncle Ebenezer Balfour, the old man who kickstarted the kidnapping.

This whole chapter is like a masterpiece in dialogue. What to say, how to say, when to turn, how to direct the point in between arguments, Alan mocking Ebenezer's fake concern for Davie by using threats that we know he is capable of doing, Ebenezer deflecting and deflecting until he is backed into a corner where he has to admit what he did to Davie in order to keep the House of Shaws to himself.

It was magical to read, and Alan certainly didn't pull any punches in his almost melodramatic telling, and accusations against Ebenezer. This is why it works! The exclamation of the truth while omitting that Davie is looking makes it so delicious to read.

“And what is’t?” asked my uncle. “David,” says Alan. “What was that?” cried my uncle, in a mighty changed voice. “Shall I give ye the rest of the name, then?” said Alan. There was a pause; and then, “I’m thinking I’ll better let ye in,” says my uncle, doubtfully.

When the conversation turns to this, when you can feel how somehow these words can convey the tension going through the roof, you know it's going to to be good shit.

Both Davie, and the readers could feel how this was Alan's element. It's doesn't if it's a sword, a bottle, a bagpipe, or his voice Alan always marches foward with such confidence that one can't help but be left impressed by his handling. Even if Alan made Davie's life hell when he glambled away the money, this was the chance of him truly apologizing, by helping his friend recoger what was his by right.

Moreover, Ebenezer wasn't left behind in his own side of the conversation. The man really held his own against this stranger that suddenly called for his presence in the middle of the night. And yet he was no match for a man who doesn't care for empty threats when weapons could serve as arguments.

“Powder and your auld hands are but as the snail to the swallow against the bright steel in the hands of Alan,” said the other. “Before your jottering finger could find the trigger, the hilt would dirl on your breast-bane.

Then, the reveal that not only Davie is there alive, and well! But also that Mr. Rankeillor was listening to everything! And that Ebenezer has no other option than to give Davie what was promised less he ends without nothing to his name.

And then there is this last paragraph by Davie, which weights on his last thoughts of his experience:

Alan and Torrance and Rankeillor slept and snored on their hard beds; but for me who had lain out under heaven and upon dirt and stones, so many days and nights, and often with an empty belly, and in fear of death, this good change in my case unmanned me more than any of the former evil ones; and I lay till dawn, looking at the fire on the roof and planning the future.

Davie is finally resting! Not sleeping because who would be able to sleep after such victory, but resting his mind while thinking of the future, of what he will do now.

How many times in the novel had Davie thought about his future? Not something that could change in a second if he doesn't move, not the catching future of being captures by the Red Coats if he doesn't run through deadly heat and plains, the actual future that is seen since today through many years, when Davie is older, and maybe wiser.

After running, hiding, fainting, begging, screaming, enduring, and walking Davie is finally able to just think about not only what he will to do tomorrow, but what comes after tomorrow.

[riddle-me-ri]

A/N: As promised in my Mad Hatter NNN post, here’s the Scarecrows to round off No Nut November. I’m still experimenting with Jervis and Jonathan, hence why I don’t have many versions of them available or that many posts of them yet. But I would like to get the practice in as I take in more varied media of them. I want to be able to write the Dork Squad to at least satisfactory lmao

This is the end of the NNN prompt post..things..it's literally the 30th lol

As you should all know by this point rip, but in case you need a friendly reminder. I rank these lads 1 out of 10. 

1 being weak ass thirsty simp

10 being winner, winner, chicken dinner…with a rewarding dessert too…I am not well if you can’t tell…

Trigger Warning: suggestiveness...duh

How the Scarecrows Handle NNN

Arkhamverse Scarecrow (12 out of 10):

Well, this will be an interesting…experiment. 

However, somehow he was able to flip it on it’s head. Kinda like how Dent flips his coin, or how fear can easily be flipped into lust. Yes, this would be invigorating indeed.

It went from trying to make push him past his limits…to make him feel even a morsel of the torture he puts you through. Anytime he caught you in one of your familiar tactics to coax him that vulnerable intimate state, he cut you off. 

He was supposed to be grumbling in frustration. He was supposed to be flustered. He was supposed to be hard, not making this hard…on you! Yet, you find yourself being the one taking the cold showers. 

Don’t worry, when he wins he’ll concede to your desires. There’s no denying how pleased he was with the results of this…challenge. 

BTAS Scarecrow (6.5 out of 10):

Jonathan absolutely scoffed and rolled his eyes at the idea. However, he was never one to turn down a challenge, especially on the restraining the humanal response to act upon primal urges. 

However, he completely forgot that while arousal and fear goes hand in had…his experience in the later is…limited to say the list. Only having just experimented with it with you. He stays headstrong for a good while, which is why he barely passes the halfway point. 

Albeit, by November 26th, the man combusts. You shouldn’t look so damn cute in his old GCU hoodie…in just his hoodie. (idk why I headcanon this Scarecrow has a few hand-me-downs from his time studying and teaching at the university((he wanted to burn them but couldn’t find himself to do it, and you can pry it out of my cold dead petite hands)

TNBA Scarecrow (10 out of 10):

Much like most of these Scarecrows he merely scoffs off the idea. What a trivial and childish objective. 

This Scarecrow is hard nut to crack to begin with. To actually get him to bust one? Uhh…yeah no, I don’t see it happening, bud.

While he finds your attempts, amusing. He’s able to refrain from succumbing to his desires successfully. It also helped that he kept himself preoccupied with his new schemes. 

Jonathan does grow to miss feeling that warmth he feels when he’s near you. The warmth you radiate when you two are locked in a passionate tryst. 

He does when, however it’s only ever worth it for the prize of euphoria afterwards. 

Harley Quinn The Animated Series (4 out of 10):

This poor wee baby. When I tell you, man’s wasn’t prepared…I mean man’s wasn’t prepared. 

He lasts a few days, until he sees you, his gorgeous date in a snazzy new outfit for a party held by the Legion of Doom. Poor Jonny is tented up before he even realizes it, and there’s only really one option to take care of it. 

You had a feeling he wouldn’t last the month too long (you cruel, cruel, reader), but you had to admit you found it incredibly endearing. And he still got a reward afterward, if nothing else for being a good sport. 

Happy Halloween, Scooby-Doo (11 out of 10):

This damn bean pole. This absolute asshat. (who also has hoodies I wanna steal from)

He mocks the idea at first, but agrees to it. It’s going to be fun seeing you try and entice him, try to make him lose. 

Jonathan won’t admit him, but you almost got him a couple of times throughout the month. The way you left tingling kisses along his neck. You frequently forgetting your change of clothes after a bath…not to mention the Elvira cosplay which just almost cost him his win. 

However, he stood strong against all odds. You never tend to admit to him you were fairly impressed you were sure you had him at the end there. Now, it was time to reward him and he specifically requests you put the Elvira costume back on.

[clairelsonao3]

Themes and Tropes Tag

I was tagged by @tabswrites whose post is here! How did you know I go absolutely feral for anything having to do with tropes? Maybe the title of my blog? In any case, thank you! I'll even link you to the correct pages on TV Tropes for each one, because I have the official names for a lot of these memorized, and actually had a list of almost 100 going at one point and how they applied to my work; that's how obsessed I am. After all, you have to know the tropes before you can subvert them, right? (See #15).

RULES: Look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. What are five to ten fifteen narrative elements or tropes that continuously pop up in your work?

Everything in italics is courtesy of TV Tropes.

1. All Girls Want Bad Boys -  ...the Troubled, but Cute youth with a tragic past is a woobie needing comfort; he's tough enough to be a girl's protector, but vulnerable enough to need her as well... 

Usually applies to my male characters.

2. The Charmer - The Jack-the-Lad. Cocky, cheeky and devil-may-care, he's the type of guy you can't help but like, even as he's wrapping you around his little finger.

Usually also applies to my male characters.

3. The Determinator -There is no stopping the Determinator. They do not understand tact. They do not Know When to Fold 'Em, and it's a waste of time to tell them the odds. No one can reason with them.  No price is too great to pay for success, up to and including their own life.

Usually applies to my female characters, especially when they're rushing to help and/or save the:

6. Distressed Dude - Meet the Spear Counterpart of the Damsel in Distress. 

When the Bad Boy Charmer gets himself into trouble he can't charm his way out of, he becomes this. A lot of whump writing is this taken up to 11, and my own work is no exception. I also use Damsel in Distress, but not quite as often.

7. Uptown Girl - Our lovers are from different worlds — one wealthy, one not. 

My first novel and Good Slaves Never Break the Rules played this pretty much straight. In the case of The Adored (which actually references Gatsby) the wealthy character is actually the antagonist of sorts, and the MC is the "normal" middle-class girl who has to make her not-wealthy love interest see the light.

This is often a jumping-off point to explore larger, Gatsbyesque themes related to money, class, fame, wealth, and corruption (see also: Was it All Worth It/Rags to Riches), and after the characters have learned their lessons, usually ultimately leads us to:

8. Standard Hero Reward -- This relates to #7 and by definition it's a spoiler, so I'll say no more. (Sometimes it's played straight, sometimes lampshaded/subverted).

9. Xanatos Speed Chess -- Some characters have an amazing gift not only for making The Plan but for revising it whenever new circumstances arise. See also: Zany Scheme.

Or maybe I've just performed in too many musical comedies.

10. Unresolved (often also Belligerent) Sexual Tension - Two people are obviously attracted to each other, but some element of the story is keeping them apart. See also: Mutual Pining/Idiots in love/Will They or Won't They?

11. Dark and Troubled Past - Something terrible happened to a character; some tragic event in their past that shaped a fundamental level of their personality. Long after the event is over, it still has a powerful influence on the character's life.

Chances are if one my characters is important enough to have a past at all, there's probably something terrible in it.

12. Deadpan Snarker - A character prone to gnomic, sarcastic, sometimes bitter, occasionally whimsical asides.

My main characters MUST have a sense of humor, and it's usually this kind.

13. The Chessmaster -- Chessmasters tug at their strings of influence, patiently move their pieces into places that often seem harmless or pointless until the trap is closed.

I tend to often make my villains and/or antiheroes some variation of this, and no matter how evil they are, they almost always have a:

14. Freudian Excuse -- ...writers may keep the villain (especially The Sociopath) just as vile as before, but reveal that they have a reason for being that way. 

(Hint: It's usually their parents).

And finally, this brings us to the most important trope of all:

15. Lampshading -- ... the writers' trick of dealing with any element of the story that threatens the audience's Willing Suspension of Disbelief, whether a very implausible plot development or a particularly blatant use of a trope, by calling attention to it and simply moving on.

In other words, you can get away with using the same tropes over and over and over again, as long as you do it with a wink and a nod at the readers.

I could keep going on this forever, but instead, I'll gently tag:

@i-can-even-burn-salad @janec23 @mysticstarlightduck @rickie-the-storyteller @writingforjoy

[emotional-support-demoman]

Hi demo I'd like to say that I really like this blog, the vibes are nice and the support is much needed. Speaking of might as well dump some sad stuff on ya, so there's been a lot of competitions going on in my life recently and it's got me thinking "what did I ever achieve?" because a lot of people my age and younger all have things to show for their skills. Be it trophies from sports events or awards for good grades given by the school or anything really, I just don't have anything like that past some participation pats on the back or meaningless little awards i got as a toddler that won't help me in life whatsoever. I'm painfully slightly below average, B- grades, no afterschool sports to speak of, no creative work ever good enough to be awarded, hell the only competition i was ever good at in school was a second language English competition where i got second three times in a row which, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't mean anything. I never won anything significant, ever. I've won petty competitions against friends or classmates but that's about it really. And trust me I've tried so hard to win just once only to be kicked in the balls by someone slightly better or some stupid unlucky thing happening that I could not have predicted cucking me over at the last second. Even in school if i study my ass off and try my best to understand something i end up forgetting it at the most important moment. And even if I somehow manage to get 1st place or an all A report card or something hell I'll take anything at this point, I know my parents wouldn't care or do the same stuff that other people's families do with them when they achieve something big like they'd go to their favourite restaurant to celebrate or their family would tell them how proud of them they are but I know damn well that won't happen. So basically yeah this has been eating away at me for ages now and i don't have anyone to tell it to.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the long ask

- achievementless lad

It's ok lad it looks like ya got a lot on ya mind

Everyone has their own pace they work best at just cus some people are going at the speed of light doesn't mean that ya slow it's better to take ya time than to try and keep up with everyone else

And you should celebrate ever achievement ya get no matter how small it may seem it it was difficult for you to do before and now ya can do it THAT'S GREAT or ya best your friends in a game THAT'S GREAT!

You're working hard every day and that's amazing you clearly care about ya work but don't over work ya self lad it's ok to take brakes you got all the time in the world.

Also soldier told me to give ya this

Said it was for "amazing work in the stuff you do!"

You're doing great don't let anyone one or anything tell you otherwise lad you are amazing!

[thatbrightblueshine]

the full time whistle is blown. bottles scattered all around, disappointment written all over his face. he realises how alone he is with all this burden, so much responsibility to carry, yet, none at all.

is he happy he won't get blamed? or is he sad that his currently biggest rival might get blamed for not doing more? why is he everything that's on his mind. all the time.

aaron's feelings towards david haven't changed during these past few weeks. he went from being sceptical of mikel's decision to bring a new keeper into the team to realising he's actually a lovely lad to realising he might as well be slowly replaced. quietly. mikel sat him down and explained his decision to rotate keepers when the season had just begun - kind of like the match plan of pep. aaron wasn't happy with that decision but decided to play along, realistically, what could he do about it anyway? the media viewed all this as a very weird move from mikel - aaron was to be england's number one someday, so they said at least, he thought he didn't perform so badly last season, at least not bad enough to be blatantly replaced by a loan keeper. so mikel was meaning to rotate the squad - maybe play david whenever they were up against smaller clubs, aaron still being their undisputed number one. but as the season progressed, he realised that this wasn't the case. he had indeed been replaced. quietly. as if no one would notice. worst thing about it was that david performed on the same level as him, perhaps even better.

aaron couldn't help it but blame it on himself. his confidence was on an all time low. he trained with the others, putting on a happy face, waiting for his time to shine again. david was always around, he hated how much he liked him. he felt like he shouldn't. david was being genuine all the time, he could tell. he wasn't two faced, wasn't plotting, wasn't scheming. he was a goofball, a joker. someone who would always there for you, always knew how to see positives in things. but he was also naive, easily to manipulate. he was older than aaron, yet much more childlike, inexperienced. not in football, but in life. ben and martin joked about taking him to night out to get him laid, get him a girl, but david shied away, almost as if he was scared. the others kept joking about david being a virgin, but that was not the reason.

the looks david would give aaron sometimes were quite clear, even with language barriers, no words needed. "i think he's got a crush on ya" ben would say often. ben was bi himself, so he was likely not taking the piss here, no judgement whatsoever. aaron would laugh it off, not making anything of it. "well, he can try." but secretly he hated the idea of david taking a liking in him, as more than a friend. even if it was just a silly crush - aaron hated the idea of it. bloody hated it. david was not supposed to like him, aaron was not supposed to like david. that's not what rivals do - they don't develop feelings for the other, they don't yearn for the times they'd bump into each other during training, not the hug they'd give each other in front of thousands of fans after a match.

they don't fall in love. they don't. the talks were there, but they're just empty words. rumours would always arise, but luckily they were quickly overshadowed by declan's and kai's arrivals at the club. suddenly they were in everyone's mouth, david and aaron would only come second now, maybe even third. why did aaron bother that? why did he enjoy the attention the others would give him and david? the times martin would come to him and tell him the things he's supposedly heard, about how david apparently had a wank once and moaned aaron's name in the showers. how he immediately stopped when he suspected someone spying on him. or how embarrassed david would get whenever someone would jokingly say he's had a thing for aaron. these things happen all the time - players would hit it off and then move on. no shame in that, they're all pretty open about it.

but the attention went onto new players, overshadowing aaron and david, as if their supposed thing never existed. as if it never happened, it vanished as quickly as it came. and it didn't, it never existed. not to them, but to the others.

[mystic-myrtille]

"I feel like the writers are speed running the square a little too much this season."

Well, considering how one of the biggest complaints was how long it was taking them to get together, and how many people claimed to have stopped shipping them because of how long it was taking, I don't really blame them.

Even if I don't ship the square anymore, I'm glad we're getting some developement now. I really am. But looking at the entire show, why did we have 4 seasons of almost nothing and all the developement only happens in season 5? From season 1-4, we only had developement on one side of the square, which is Lady//noir, where LB learns that CN likes her but she rejects him but he's not giving up bla bla, and then the whole Ladynoir conflict in s4 (which I still think was pretty pointless but that's another can of worms). Other than that, their dynamic never fundamentally changes. Adrie//nette was always "Mari is too anxious to talk to Adrien the king of obliviousness", and Lad//rien and Mari//chat were almost non-existent (I can count the amount of episodes about them on one hand).

In determination, we learn that Adrien started to develop feelings in Puppeteer 2. If that's the case, how tf is it possible that this hasn't been broughg up or hinted at for one and a half seasons? Adrien's behavior never really changed that much around Marinette and if he hadn't said anything about the statue scene, I would've never guessed (as always, tell don't show). Heck, he even dated Kagami during that time! For Marinette to notice Chat in a different way, it was pretty abrupt. She rejects his advances all the time, but he just needs to be supportive and heroic one time and she goes all bisou bisou miaou miaou on him in 0.5 seconds. This could've happened way sooner and the the writers would actually have time to let Marinette process her feelings considering chat blanc and all that. But no, Mari loves cat boy and all logic flies out if the window immediately bc of course it does.

The writers dragged the whole thing out with filler, what-if-memory-loss stuff and two love rivals (you know I love Luka and Kagami so so much, but the Luka//nette and Adri//gami arcs, as much as I love those ships, were nothing but filler in the grand scheme of things, nobody involved got any meaningful character developement out of it) without doing anything and now they have to speedrun everything because they think that's what a slowburn is, not giving the characters any time to think about anything and writing them slightly ooc (Marinette pursuing Chat this intensly SO SOON is ooc you can't change my mind).

It's giving "I have an assignement due to midnight so I'll prepare some notes slowly and write the paper itself at 23:55"

[tansypaws]

hi wren, first i’d like to say i adore your srt style! second, do you usually use references when you draw? and second, what is your thought process when it comes to designing your characters?

thank you!

references v important, and i can def tell the difference in my art and anatomy from when i do vs don't use them 😬

in terms of design process, i am very much a put pen to paper and go from there type. esp when drawing canon cats, i usually have a lot of different design drafts that don't make the cut in full, but often impact my final design, whether through the palette or the markings or something that i think of while working on whatever design aspect.

for the fallen leaves design, i originally had him as a like very generic red tabby w/ symmetrical white markings, and then i was like oooh give the lad some leafy speckles, and then i was like ooooh x2 what if he was a calico and had some black in there to make the orange really stand out.

im mostly caught up on the books, so i do also try to bring certain traits/experiences/etc into my designs when i can, like shadowsight having eye-like tabby stripes or the blue in fallen leaves eyes or the like "dripping" black from his mouth/nose to symbolize what happened to him

in terms of my own characters (which i realize now is what u asked LMAOO), i am even more loosey goosey. a lot of the times i try to go in with some aspect of a design or design inspo in mind, whether that be a name (ex. my oc beetlenose having a black nose bridge that kind looks like a beetle if u squint at it) or some memory of an irl cat i saw that i thought would look cool. like w/ designing canon characters, i also tend to go through a lot of drafts unless i have something super clear in mind going into things, which is admittedly kinda rare for me. i tend to just not be able to produce things if i get too stuck in my head, so i try and fuck around with stuff until i get something i like. sometimes i get really far into a design and realize i don't like it or i don't feel like it fits or that the color scheme is really not cohesive, and i switch back to an earlier version.

overall its just a lot of experimenting around and making diff versions until something fits, and i can build a design around it. also w/ fallen leaves, i knew i wanted some sort of leaf motif (lol, rhymes) and started off making the white on his face shaped like a maple leaf, but then realized i did not like how that looked so i changed the design to be more reminiscent (i hope?) of....fallen leaves. i'm very all over the place, tbh.

[notasapleasure]

EastEnders run (2000-2001), part 4/4

You would not believe the effort I put into finding these two smh. But you all need to know how it ends, right? Take it from me: you do.

19 February 2001

Sandra turns up to take Joe for the holidays, in the process accusing Beppe of planting class A drugs on Jack to get him to lose his job.

Beppe denies it, but when Joe says something like 'Dad why did you get uncle Jack in trouble' Beppe storms off to the zoo with Joe, to the annoyance of both Sandra and his boss.

Exposition central, I wonder if Jack himself is actually in this one or if I need to go back an episode...

YAYY researching skilzz CONFIRMED! (UKTV player so only crappy phone shots I'm afraid)

Beppe: "What was your favourite animal?"

Joe: *points* "Uncle Jack."

The boys just about manage to keep their hands off each other, but it's nice to see Sandra being a bit more fierce and Jack a bit less so. Beppe refuses to let them see Joe despite what the courts say. And it’s just this one scene for this episode, so have a bunch of screenshots:

19 March 2001

End of the previous episode, Joe was asked to choose between Beppe and Sandra and ran across the street to Sandra but got hit by a car in the process.

He's fine but both of them are suitably chastened. Until they're told only one parent can stay the night, and then they start squabbling about that too. Sandra gives up first and leaves. The morning after, Beppe still doesn't trust her alone with him.

Here's our boy! Sorry, I just kept clicking and then it seemed rude not to upload all the photos 😇 SO MANY screenshots

Sandra says Jack has his own relationship with Joe and deserves to be there.

Beppe doesn't want to hear it, but agrees to talk with Jack for ten minutes. Jack promises Sandra no fisticuffs.

Jack says even though the drugs charges didn't stick, Beppe's still ruined his reputation and he has a few choice words about bent coppers...

(Beppe was kicked off the force for being corrupt, obvs)

Screenshots presented without further context.

The boys are fiiiiightiiiing (on the stairs which is a bit concerning). They used to be partners! How could Beppe do that to him?!

(is there fic? There's got to be fic surely?)

HELLLLPPP OH MY GOD BEPPE JUST RIPPED HIS SHIRT OPEN SJAJSHDHDJDFFF

(it's to check if he's wearing a wire. Uh huh. Sure.)

YOU'RE WELCOME INTERNET. I SPENT MY AFTERNOON WELL IN FINDING THIS FOR YOU.

My people, I bring you a gif, from a video recorded on my phone. It’s the least I could do, as the screenshots I tried to take just made me weep for how poorly they captured the raw artistic beauty of the scene...😌

This is the expression he pulls at having his shirt ripped open I stg

I couldn’t get this bit without blur :( too much jiggle

It's very much all about Beppe making this about Jack - wishing he had gone down for the drugs, going on about how they used to joke about 'Jack the lad' fucking anything that moves and so Jack must have stolen Sandra from Beppe and was it the same as all the others Jack tell me Jack I just want to know Jack when you were fucking everyone we used to joke about it Jack you used to tell me all about it just tell me Jack tell me like it’s me you’re fucking Jack

Izzy-Hands-OoohhhDADDY.gif

Beppe fucking. Goes for him.

The hospital staff evict them, and Sandra follows.

SIR YOUR TITS

Beppe: "Maybe I'm angry at myself for thinking you were anything but a two-faced scheming bitch and that Jack was a friend. He was like a brother to me all that time."

Beppe's really uh. Hung up on how they got together. He gets a big sob story soliloquy. Really twists the knife about what Joe wanted.

Tragically, Jack found a button.* *they’re actually poppers, presumably they didn’t want to waste buttons/shirts on multiple takes. This does, however, mean he should have been able to do it up sooner.

Jack's coffee-based peace offering is accepted, and then Sandra tells Beppe she won't go to court for Joe because it's not fair on him. Beppe agrees that Sandra and Jack can have Joe on weekends and school holidays though, so everyone’s happy ig?

Final shot of Jack: hugs with crinkly chin <3

---

My godddd how are there no Jack/Beppe fics on ao3? Letting the side down EastEnders fandom *shakes head solemnly*

Right. That’s enough of all that.

Rating

Dead? No!

Evil? EastEnders doesn’t deal in the moral certitudes of good and evil. Jack fought for his girl, who wanted her kid back. He was just a bit of a creep while doing it. Allegedly he didn’t get with her while she was still with with Beppe, if that matters to anyone

Affects the plot? That’s what he turns up to do bitchessss! Jack’s in town to get Sandra back! And he gets her back! By being a persistent, shouty, whingy ass.

While I’m riding the high of the shirt-ripping still: 4/5. Tempted to knock a point off for that unhinged display in the pub with the American accent, but ultimately I enjoyed this exercise about a million times more than I expected to. Jack isn’t nice. I don’t like him, I don’t want to hang out with him. However, I understand him being known as ‘Jack the lad’ because if I never had to listen to him speak I’d be down for anything.

Anyway. I watched it so you don’t have to: you’re welcome, fandom.

I also unlocked a more than grudging respect for EastEnders actually, but you can’t watch episode after episode with an analytic brain on the whole time: things move SO SLOWLY for episode after episode, characters have the same conversations time and again so that anyone tuning in can catch the drift even if they’ve missed the rest of the storyline. And then EVERYTHING happens all at once with lots of drama. But there’s still something rather heartening about the whole thing.