#the kiwi thinks hard about that

[blueberrybeomgyu]

tbh what if i said i wanted to be all up in sohee like i wanna turn his prostate to mush what if i said i wanna hold his little hips against the wall while i jerk him off just to see him struggle to meet me halfway what if i said i wanna hear his soft pretty moans and whines for me to stop bc it's too soon he doesn't wanna cum yet WHAT IF!!!

[uriangerswife]

the cord

[kiwiorcore]

the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

[butterflieswhisper]

hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc

okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny

Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.

I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.

And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.

And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah 👍

I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas

[cherry-dr0p]

Okay!! So!! For those who have been following my ramble blog, you'd know I got into TF2 as of recent

Even if I haven't played the actual game yet... Kinda nervous because Im not the best at those types of games but nonetheless!! I present to you...

TF2 Doodles 💥❤️

(As a new fan... Kinda)

Page 1 doodle page;

Started to draw this because I wanted to develop a style for drawing my top 3 fellas! But then I realised I haven't included Sniper much and I didn't wanna leave him out too much, therefore!

Doodle page 2;

This one didn't go as well as the first one >:(

The white pen I used on the plane kept malfunctioning (dont worry, didn't get it absolutely everywhere) in which it got on the drawing twice >:[ Was less than ideal but hey, look!!! Pretty colours! Focus on the pretty colours!!!

I also not fond of how I did his anatomy bit I erm uhh yeah. I tried XD

Though I do like the gun...usually not good at drawing guns but for this one, it looks nice :3

Medic doodle!!;

The black pen kept showing through the page... This is so sad guys /j

Anyways!! Got told to draw Medic (again) by my irl friends and who am I to deny drawing a silly doctor? We're just gonna ignore the fact I didnt go over it fully with pen >:]

Lil Pootis doodles :D;

Last but not least!! Probably my favourite of the bunch, Lil' Pootis!!! >:D

Dont get me wrong, I have not watched the series yet, but I saw these birds around Tumblr and if anything happened to them, I would be fuming >:C They are the sweetest... and my favourites ever... I love them...silly birds...

I will watch the series, though!! I swear! Im planning on it tomorrow if no other plans fade into existence from thin air.

So yeah! In conclusion, I probably need to practice drawing the fellas but I can do that! They are quite fun to draw anyways. I'll draw the rest of the mercs too, dw :3

Ive been lurking and the fandom (on Tumblr anyways) seems cool!! Was quite nervous to post this but I think its now or never or you only live once or something like that XP

[ur-local-kiwi]

me x the random pretty girl that called me pretty at work <3

[calico-kiwi]

sometimes i’m so sad that mythical animals aren’t real but then i think too hard about the animals we DO have and it’s like…

they’re so WEIRD (/pos) and so their weirdness makes them on par or even more fantastical than mythical animals

the only thing (besides magic) that makes real animals seem less extraordinary is that we’ve normalized them

go look at a stingray and really think about what the fuck the shape of that creature is and tell me that isn’t bonkers

go learn almost any fun fact about a platypus and tell me they don’t seem made up as hell

remember the prehistoric animals that are now extinct like dinosaurs and pterodactyls and realize that life is extraordinary and sometimes we forget that because it surrounds us, but really that’s one of the things that makes life so interesting

[anadorablekiwi]

ive got 1300 words of fight scene and direct aftermath

i think i did pretty good!

now to finish this off with more fluff :)

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

87 PITY

I WON THE 50/50

WHOOOOOO

LETS GOOOOOOOO❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

[camping-with-monsters]

So I’m actually developing another original story besides Bliss which I’m calling “Duck Duck Goose”. It revolves around fairy tales, but more specifically around the nature of “Grimm Fairy Tales”, partnered with their original absurd or violent natures.

Here’s our protagonist:

Einin, a pregnant woman presumably somewhere in her mid-twenties, is on the constant run from a giant creature known as the “Mother Goose”, who bares a grueling and unsatisfiable appetite. With it’s most favored source of sustenance being naive individuals currently conceiving, Einin’s current status of pregnancy has made her target to this monster. It chases her down relentlessly, and all that Einin can do is find ways to divert it in any way possible in the hopes that she can give her growing body a well-needed rest.

With a scent so strong, the Goose is always bound to find her. The only source of constant socialization is her bright yellow umbrella, to whom she refers to as “Ducky” as if it’s its own entity. All of the escaping she does usually wears her down, and has driven her to the point of talking to the umbrella— and claiming that it talks back. Everyone in their right mind knows it’s nothing more than an object. But with Einin’s emphasis on wanting to protect the seemingly important umbrella, it makes one consider her motives as to why she’s dead set on always having it where she can see it. Perhaps it’s a comfort item? But it can’t be that easy, right?

In her consistent attempts to stray as to hopefully one day lose the Mother Goose’s reign, being that staying in a single place for long usually means the Goose will continue to come back, she occasionally meets with other peculiar individuals: A girl cloaked in a red hood who mounts the back of a giant wolf, two bounty hunter siblings apparently made of candy, a mysterious man of many fables and stories passed around about his grand accomplishments, and so on. She’s not sure of dubbing any of these encounters as “friends”, though. Not that she doesn’t want to, but circumstances have made staying in one place and creating meaningful bonds a task too dangerous for her own good. Usually, she has to run from them, too.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, this is the Mother Goose!

[spacebell]

looking at cat adoption posts and crying because I miss my cat so much

[raeathnos]

.

[rashomonss]

The brothers and the Human Realm

a/n: so ik ‘jealous much’ won the poll but it’s still not done yet so have this instead!

context: a part of me still finds lessons 40-43 funny because the brothers have never really been to the human world that much, and they don’t really know how certain things work. Take the slow cooker and ice cream truck for example. So these are little headcanons I have for when all of y’all are together in the beginning of their stay in the human realm.

enjoy <3 , also these are in no specific order

you all are hopeless…

Solomon and MC would so fuck with the brothers while being in the human realm.

For example they’d take Lucifer to the shadiest mexican restaurant possible then after they finished eating they would tell the waiters it was Lucifer’s birthday and watch the Avatar of Pride sit there with a big ass sombrero on his head as they sang happy birthday to him.

MC later took a picture and sent it to Diavolo who then made it his lock screen.

Satan and Belphie tried to electrocute Lucifer by throwing a toaster in the bathroom while he was in the middle of a shower. This happened after the fact you told them not to put water on the toaster because it could electrocute someone. 

Beel ate an entire bottle of ibuprofen liquid gels because he thought they were hard gummies.

Beel also ate the food and cake shaped wax candle melts you had bought for Asmo as a gift

Beel lastly ate your whole brand new container of melatonin and it knocked him out for 15 hours straight. Needless to say Lucifer was very concerned for his wellbeing, and Belphie soon questioned if you had anymore.

Belphie and his brothers were never taught stranger danger, because who in their right mind would be a danger to them in the Devildom?

So after you had explained to him what an ice cream truck was he vowed to go to one with you.

However when a creepy old man in a white van offers him candy he believes it to be the same as the ice cream truck so he gets in the van.

When the brothers relay this information to you, you begin to lose your shit explaining how that was not in fact an ice cream truck he got into but instead a kidnapper van.

The brothers don’t know how to eat certain human world foods.

Such as a banana, watermelon, mango, pineapple, kiwi, avocado, cherry, dragon fruit, papaya, onion, etc.

So when you first buy one from the grocery store and leave it out before cutting it they automatically think it’s some weird shaped human food and bite into it eating the skin or seeds and all.

After they tell you about the weird but delicious taste of it you ask if they cut it or spit out the seeds before eating it, and when they reply with a puzzled look and a no your heart drops.

Thank god they’re demons. You then proceed to buy the same thing again this time cutting it up in front of them so they know what parts to eat of certain things.

Expanding on the cherry part, did y’all’s parents ever tell you not to swallow watermelon or cherry seeds because if you did a cherry tree or whole watermelon would then grow in your stomach??

I know mine and some of my friends parents would tell us that when I was younger to make sure we didn’t swallow any seeds.

If they didn’t then oh well, anyway…

Continuing with Solomon being an ass, he would so tell something like that to the brothers. If he happened to see Beel swallow a cherry whole he would then proceeded to tell Lucifer not to let him do that.

And when the oldest asks why Solomon would then go onto explain that if he swallows cherry pit then a cherry tree will then grow inside his stomach.

Of course this freaked out Lucifer so for the next hour he tried getting Beel to spit out all the cherries he ate.

You would have to organize their fridge and pantry in the new house because they don’t know which human world foods need to be refrigerated or not.

After you arrive at the house you spent a good three hours explaining to them not everything can go in the pantry because some of it will spoil after you open it.

Then you proceed to gag when you pulled out an expired chunky milk container from the pantry.

They find the concept of drive thru or fast food places astonishing. The fact that you can just order wait in a line for a few minutes in your car then get your food is crazy. They do however all panic though when you get to the front and they don’t know what to order off the menu.

Car washes are also something they found themselves favoring. You would turn up the music as you slowly pulled in and joked by telling the brothers you were going on a ride of sorts.

Which in turn shocked you when they did believed you as the car wash stared. Each of them were staring out the windows with starry eyes as different colors of soap were thrown on your car.

You laughed to yourself as they all admired the way the soap blended together, Asmo and Mammon found themselves taking pictures of the whole thing. While Belphie was telling Beel how this looked like a starry sky.

And Levi went on to tell Satan how this reminded him of an anime scene. Lucifer also found himself sitting quietly in the passenger seat enjoying it too. (Lucifer is a certified passenger princess, fight me on that)

Each brother questioned you on how this was possible and you replied with smile. After the car wash was over and you drove through the dryers they all asked if you could do that again, to which you replied smiling “maybe some other time”.

Lucifer watered the fake succulents and plants you put around the house for two weeks straight until you said something.

They love watching true crime documentary’s to the point you’d have to physically pull them away from the tv.

It happened one afternoon while a few of them were relaxing in the living room and you were looking for a channel to watch.

Deciding there was nothing interesting on you put on an old true crime documentary and began watching it. As the brothers heard the story of the crime from the tv they each became immersed in it.

Telling you things such as “how could humans do that to each other?” or “wow humans are more brutal than we thought” or even adding in their own comments on how they could have made the crime worse.

It became a guessing game between all of them to figure out who killed who during each episode you watched.

Much to everyone dismayed Satan was the one who won every time.

Meanwhile while they were all immersed in the tv you noticed Lucifer standing behind you, arms crossed also watching tv. You told him to sit down and watch with all of you but he denied, claiming he wasn’t really interested in stuff like this anyway.

Yet he never moved from that same spot each episode.

Each of the brothers have made something explode in the microwave.

Lucifer stained it red when he went to reheat pasta, but he put it in for to long and it exploded. Mammon overfilled his ramen thus causing it to leak then explode.

Satan and Levi also happened to be reheating takeout at the same time, but both of the containers were styrofoam and exploded. Levi got annoyed and Satan threw the microwave at Lucifer.

Asmo put some skincare product in there because he found something online about a certain hack, and it exploded causing the microwave to smell like burnt strawberries.

Beel put too much food in the microwave causing it to all melt together then explode.

Belphie put a coffee in there to reheat and it exploded, but he was too lazy to clean it up so he just left it. Lucifer was then next to use the microwave and got coffee all over him.

You made all seven of them watch the entire twilight series as a joke but ironically they all actually enjoyed it.

Satan even went out and bought the books, and finished all of them in about 2 hours

Bonus

Solomon distracted Diavolo for 3 hours straight by making him watch 5 minute craft videos.

Diavolo then proceeded to break things to try these said crafts which caused Barbatos to have a meltdown.

Barbatos destroyed an entire sidewalk because he saw two rats run across it into the sewer.

[luveline]

Hii

Whenever you have time could you please do more single dad!Spencer. It’s just too cute and it really warms my heart how you write it.

tysm ♡ dad!spencer and his daughter amanda find their reunion unexpectedly interrupted when you need a place to stay the night. fem!reader, 3.4k

Spencer doesn't mind how tactile Amanda is. If anything, he loves it, content to have her sitting in his lap or on his hip, anywhere he goes and anywhere she wants to be. He tries to get in as much affectionate time with her as he can when he's home to make up for his days away. 

He doesn't like missing her, but he loves coming home. Amy sits on his stomach while Spencer lays on the couch, using his thighs as a backboard while they both fail to pay attention to the kids cartoons on their TV. 

"Were you good for Mrs. Gomorrah?" he asks, though he knows she was. He had to live through the agony that was teaching Mrs. Gomorrah how to text on a cell phone he bought for her years ago, but it was worth it to get those incremental updates that he relies on every day to get to the next without catching a flight home.

Amy had pizza 

Amy misses you. She said she is kissing you through my phone

Wants a new dress for school party tonight, emergency money OK to use? said she loves you 

Aaskkk k k o 

Sorry, accidentally texted you, Amanda made dinner tonight [photo]

The text messages help being far away feel less like torture. Spencer loves his job but he wonders if he should love it less, sometimes, when Mrs. Gomorrah remembers how to send photos, or when he can make it back to the hotel before bed time and call Amy.

But here she is in the flesh. Spencer doesn't worry about work when she's holding his hand. 

"I was good," she confirms, wiping hair from her face with a blue sleeve. She's in her pyjamas at three thirty. Spencer's in his matching set, blue long sleeve t-shirts with two dogs —a grown up and a puppy, seemingly a dad dog and his daughter— on the shirt and miniature dogs on the pants. "Promise. We did fruit kebabs last night." 

Spencer saw photos, but he still says, "Yeah? What fruits did you have? You know, strawberries will be extra yummy again soon because they're back in season." 

"We had strawberries, and bananas, and the green one, kiwi." She puts one of her feet up on his chest. He makes wide eyes at it to hear her giggle. "And with chocolate and maple syrup, it was really yummy." 

"We should make Tanghulu." 

This is a new word for Amy. "Tanghulu?" 

"It started with a berry called Chinese hawthorn, but now people use lots of different fruits. You make a fruit kebab, but instead of chocolate, you dip the fruit into hot sugar and it goes hard as it cools like rock candy, and you have good strong teeth, so you could eat it no problem." 

"It turns the fruit into candy?" she asks, wiggling her toes. 

"Kind of." Spencer covers her foot with his hand unthinkingly. She looks tired already though it's only the afternoon. She gets very tired when Spencer comes home, like she'd been waiting. "Do you want to have a nap with me, sweetpea?" 

"No, I don't think so."

Spencer made a mistake when she was younger. He thought leaving while she was sleeping would make it easier to say goodbye. It was for him, but Amy didn't sleep or eat right for days, and Spencer had to come home before the case was over to stop her from making herself sick. They've worked on it, Spencer never ever leaves without saying goodbye, but she still gets scared to sleep when they're together sometimes. 

He ushers her forward. "Come here," he says, "quick, give me a hug." She flops forward and Spencer arranges her into a cuddle, hand against her hair, his nose pressed to her forehead. "I missed you." 

"Missed you more," she says. 

"Not true. I missed you so much." 

"Don't go away again for a day," she says. 

"I'm staying home for a whole week. Maybe longer, okay? But I promise you, seven whole days no matter what." And he means it. The only thing that could change his mind is a mass murder situation, but otherwise, they'll have to make it work without him. He hates to say that kind of thing, but he has to say it, because Amy is his first priority. 

She relaxes into his arms. "Okay." 

His phone rings, because of course it does. Amy frowns her displeasure with tears shining silver in her eyes. Spencer shakes his head at her, "I'm not going, Ames. I promised. I won't answer anybody, this week is just going to be me and you." 

She glares at the phone and rests her chubby cheek on his chest. Spencer wonders if it's uncomfortable considering his lack of padding and sits up with an arm behind her seatbelting her to his front. "Let's go watch TV in bed." 

Her hands grab at the back of his shirt. "Bring your phone, dad," she says. 

Spencer kisses the side of her head. "No, I told you already, I'm not going." 

"What if Mrs. Gomorrah wants to come for dinner?" she asks, her voice smaller, sleepy. She rubs her face into his front. 

It's a good point. Spencer picks up his phone to check if it was her and frowns at the missed call. It's you. You've texted him too. 

"It's Y/N," he says. 

Amy knows you because whenever he's had to bring her with him (not often, but occasionally on regular work days when there's school reset days), you're very, very kind to her. You're not sure of yourself around kids but it doesn't matter, you let Amy sit with you if she wants to and you always talk to her with care, offer her snacks, anything that you can share. 

It's why he calls you back. That, and you're a nice friend. 

— 

You're feeling about as ashamed and sheepish as a girl can be as you take the elevator up to Spencer's floor. You don't want to impose on anybody, but you'd rather have died than ask Hotch, JJ's taking a vacation in Santa Monica, Penelope's on a conference with Kevin, Emily chose to use her week on an undisclosed trip, and Morgan was similarly off the radar. 

And you know Spencer has Amanda, you know they've been apart for longer than they've been together this month, and you hate interrupting their time together, but… you couldn't stay home no matter how badly you wanted to. Stupid landlord. Stupid cockroaches and stupid fumigation tents.

You carry your go bag with nothing but a week's worth of dirty clothes and your wallet. Your phone is about to die and you'd really wanted, more than anything, to crawl into bed and sleep the daytime away. 

You've never been to Spencer's apartment despite knowing him well, and liking him more. You knock on the door, apartment 305B. You're dead on your feet at this point, exhausted by the jet ride home, the commute to your apartment, the subsequent ten minutes spent crying on the sidewalk, and the next half hour debating if you could bother Spencer. Maybe you should've got a hotel, but it was already getting late and you just needed something familiar. Selfishly, you needed someone you knew after such a shitty case. 

"Hello," Spencer says, opening the door with a familiar girl held in his arms, "don't mind my jacket." 

Amy's clearly sleeping, tiny snores echoing from near his neck. It's cute, but it makes you feel much worse. "I'm sorry–" 

He doesn't let you apologise, "Are you kidding? What were you gonna do? We're excited to have you." He's kind of talking to you like Amy's still awake, enthusiastic whisper-shouting as he pulls you inside. 

"It's just for tonight, I promise. They said I'll be able to  back in by evening tomorrow," you say, holding your bag to your chest. You blink at him as you follow him to the kitchen. "Are you wearing matching pyjamas?" 

"You came over last minute!" he defends with a laugh. 

Spencer opens his hand for your bag and puts it behind a steaming bowl of soup. "Oh, were you guys eating dinner?" you ask. 

"No, that's for you. I'm gonna put Amy in bed and then I can do your laundry. Did you need a hug?" 

"What?" 

Spencer smiles at you. "I thought maybe you're having a bad day." He offers his empty arm and you don't know how to say no, don't want to, careful not to bump into Amy as you curl your arm behind his back. "We're happy to have you. You could stay all week and that would be fine. Did they really give you no warning?" 

"I called my landlord and he laughed and then kind of got quiet. I think he forgets that I live there." 

Spencer pulls away and puts a hand on Amy's back. She's very slight like Spencer but if she were any older he'd struggle to carry her for as long as he has. You can see the fatigue trembling in his left arm. "It's not legal for him to leave you with nowhere to stay, and without any notice. You could ask Hotch–" 

"It's okay." You gesture to Amy's face. "She's getting so big." 

"And heavy. Be back in a few. Eat on the couch if you want to." 

You wouldn't. Spencer takes Amy into one room off of the main room, and then comes back to grab your laundry before disappearing into another. His apartment is a fun but odd layout, the door leading into a living room slash kitchen with a dining table, then opening out left and right, bedrooms toward the back of the apartment and a bathroom behind. It reminds you of a flower, that central hub of life and the petals curling outward. 

You pick up your spoon cautiously. He definitely said the food was for you, but it's so strange to be greeted with a meal, you can't remember the last time someone made sure you had something to eat. 

Spencer doesn't attract your attention until he's pulling up a chair next to you with two glasses set on the table. "I put your pyjamas on quick wash. And your, uh, your grey bag." 

Your grey bag is a little net bag full of delicates. You try to be adult about it, but it's so super awkward that you end up laughing aloud, "Oh, shit, I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. I just put the entire bag in, like, intact." 

You believe that, but you infer from the tightness of his voice that he's worried you'll think he's weird. Honestly, he's just nice, even if it's awkward. Everybody wears underwear. "That's what it's for," you say. 

"Do you think they make those in a bigger size? Amy's vests get tangled sometimes because the straps are skinny, that would be useful." 

"I'm sure they do," you say, toying with your spoon. "I… really don't know how to say thank you. I know we're friends, but it's different. To let me stay."

"When I was a kid I didn't have many friends. By high school I didn't have one. So I never got to have sleepovers until Amanda. And she's my best friend, but she's six, so…" 

You both laugh suddenly, beaming at one another in your wrinkled, mismatched clothes. 

You finish your meal through lighthearted conversation. Spencer takes your dish for the sink and you both move to the couch to watch TV. 

Clifford the Big Red Dog plays on mute. "I know you're thrilled to watch something this intellectually tantalising, but maybe we should watch a movie. There's a guide under the cushion," Spencer says. 

You dig for the guide but wherever he thinks it is, it isn't. 

"Doesn't matter. Mrs. Gomorrah will have one, I'll take her some dinner at the same time. Would you keep your ear on Amy? She might wake up."

He makes a tray for Mrs. Gomorrah, a neighbour and good friend of his. You've met her once when she brought Amy into the office, an Italian-American woman who's black and silver hair bounced when she talked. Beside his mother living in a sanitarium in Nevada, and his small daughter, Mrs. Gomorrah is Spencer's only family. He treats her accordingly. 

The washing machine starts to beep a few minutes after he's left. You spring from the couch and track down his washer and dryer, transferring your damp wash into the dryer and frowning at the machine's strange settings.

"Daddy?" a small voice calls. Sharper, unhappy, "Daddy?" 

"Amy!" you say, moving from your crouch to stand in the doorway. "Hi, honey! Your dad just went to give Mrs. Gomorrah some dinner." 

Amy squints at you. "Miss Y/N?" 

"Hi," you say tentatively. "My house is kind of broken for a bit and I asked your dad if I can stay the night." You bend to meet her eyes properly. "Would that be okay with you?" 

"Yeah," she says, smiling. "Yeah, please stay. Daddy's friends never come over." 

"Did you need something, honey? I can help." 

"No… You're sure he's at Mrs. Gomorrah's?" 

"Definitely one hundred percent positive. He can't go to work without me, can he?" 

Amy shrugs little shoulders. "I guess not." 

You can't help laughing at her. With the sound of the dryer bumping behind you, you meet Amy near the dining table and touch her shoulder gently to prompt her toward the couch. She jumps up onto the seat with the most cushions and you sit beside her. You and Spencer never managed to pick a movie, so the kids channel still plays on mute. 

"How do you turn it up?" you ask, offering her the remote hopelessly. 

Amy sidles against your side and points. You click the small white speaker button, greeted by the barks of another episode of Clifford. 

"Is this one okay?" you ask. 

"I love Clifford."

It can't be two minutes before she rests her head against your arm, her hand locking over the crook of your elbow. 

You're not sure what to do. She's Spencer's kid, so she probably does. "Do you want a cuddle?" you ask her. You'd be happy to give her one, but you don't know what's okay with her. 

"Please." 

You hang your arm across her shoulders and behind her back, stroking a tentative and short line into her arm, just once. "These are nice pyjamas, Amy. I saw your dad has the same ones." They're soft under your arm. Her hair brushes your wrist as she turns her head to crinkle her nose at you. 

"Thank you. Me and dad have all matching pyjamas," she says proudly. 

"All?" 

"Well, maybe not all. But lots." 

She hums and shuffles closer to your chest. It felt odd at first —although Amy has sat in your lap at your desk at work, and even given you a hug on her birthday to say thank you for the books and candies, you're not used to children or the things that they want. But it feels less foreign the longer she sits there, and you find yourself relaxing for the first time that day. 

Spencer comes back with a shiny TV Guide Magazine and a bundle of Amy's clothes under his arm. His eyes light up as her head peeks over the back of the couch. 

"Sorry, I was just at Mrs. Gomorrah's," he says, quickly putting everything down to take her into his arms. 

"I know," Amy says into his shirt. 

He kisses her head. You almost miss it, the affection quiet and swift. "Was your nap okay? Or do you need another one?" 

"Dad! Y/N's here." 

"Y/N doesn't care that you take naps, she takes naps too." Snoozing up against his shoulder with drool running down your chin. 

"No, I can't sleep because we're having a slumber party!" 

"We are?" he asks. 

"But she needs matching jammies." 

"Well, I don't have anything matching, but it won't be long for all my clothes to dry. I can wear jammies, then, at least," you assure her, sending Spencer a squinting smile that says, She's the cutest thing on planet Earth. 

He smiles back, as if to say, She really is. "Maybe Y/N wants a nap." 

Amy's concern lands on you. She climbs out of Spencer's arms, pressing her hand to your shoulder. "Please don't nap, I want to play games." 

"I'll play games, babe," you say. "Any game you want." 

"Yes! And, and maybe we can make, um–" Puzzled, Amy quirks her mouth into a frown and bounds back to Spencer. He rounds the couch and leans down at her gesturing. "What's it called, the fruit candy?" she whispers.

"From earlier?" he whispers back. "It's tanghulu. Tang-who-loo." 

She whispers a sweet thank you, spinning on the spot with her hands held behind her back. "We can make tanghulu, it's fruit kebabs turned to candy! Do you want to?"

Spencer smooths her hair back from her face. "You don't have to," he mouths, already squeezing her arm like he's prepared to talk her down. 

"Well, if it's okay with your dad I'd love to."

She gasps happily, jumping down off the sofa to race into the bathroom. "I'll wash my hands!" 

Spencer snorts and sits on the couch arm. "Notice how she didn't even ask me?" 

"You know that's a good thing." Spencer's probably read every parenting book there is. "She's so smart, Spencer. So smart, it's incredible. You're amazing." 

He scratches the collar of his sleep shirt, his curls moving as though woken by a gentle breeze as he nods to one side, "She shows some signs of an eidetic memory. Not like mine, but most children who have eidetic memories don't have them like I do. I can't take the credit for that, you know, beyond genetics." 

"Of course you can, someone had to teach her these things for her to remember them. You're never as nice to yourself as you should be, Spence. Everybody knows you're a great dad." You slouch back into the couch. "And I'm not just saying that because you're letting me stay for free." 

"There's no version of this situation where I would ever charge you. Thank you, Y/N. Having her by myself has been hard– it's hard. She's easy and I love her and she's better for me than she probably should be." He winces, his talking rushed, like he's listing statistics. "I haven't really been by myself. Mrs. Gomorrah. The team. We've known each other for a year but you act like Amy's family whenever you see her, and that means a lot to me. That's why I'm glad you called. You can always call me if you need help." 

"You can always call me," you murmur back. 

Spencer bumps your thigh with his knuckles. "I'm glad we're friends. Are you sure you're not too tired? Tanghulu isn't easy if you've never made it." 

"Says who?" 

"East Asian Eating, issue 78. We have to find the sugar, water, glucose syrup sweet spot or the candy doesn't harden."

"We can do it. You're the smartest guy I know, and I've been known to be resourceful. Plus, we have a world class assistant." 

Spencer stands up and offers you his hand to help you come with him, his fingers brushing yours for a moment that seems to stretch for minutes. "Just curious," he says softly, to your heart's clear delight, "when was your last check up at the dentist?" 

Right. He isn't about to tell you something you want to hear. This is Spencer —you should've guessed an odd question was on the horizon. 

"I'll have to think about it," you say.  

Amy bounds out of the bathroom and paints a trail of water droplets from the table to the kitchen. "He thinks you have weak teeth!" she explains. 

"That is not what I think." 

[ur-local-kiwi]

who’s your favorite oc to draw and/or write?

also hi :DD

not me forgetting to answer stuff for several days straight help-

but hello !! :D tbh this is a really hard question to answer, just because i have so many little guys now, and its so hard to just choose one,,, it depends on if i made them recently or not, honestly; if i made them recently, then they will be all that is on my mind for several days on end, before i forget about them completely for several months and then one day i just draw them again because i feel bad.

but thinking about it more, id say mao / xander, because of course,,,, theyre my oldest still-around ocs and i think that with how much their designs and stories and characters have changed over the years, i think thats a testament to just how much i love them,,

or its just a sign that im insane. who even knows anymore !

[woso-dreamzzz]

Allergies

Hardersson x Child!Reader

Jessie Fleming x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: Jessie saves your life

You're riding around on Jessie's shoulders the day it happens.

You like Jessie a lot. She's super snuggly and warm and she always plays with you when she comes over. She's friends with Niamh and they both hang around with Zećira so you see them a lot.

After Zećira, Jessie's one of your favourite girls at Not-Wolfsburg. She likes to sit with you on the coach and you watch movies with her before she wraps you in blankets and naps.

Jessie's great and you love her a lot.

She's not as tall as all of the other girls but, together, you make a tall person so that's okay.

You're riding on her shoulders because Morsa's talking to Coach Emma and Momma's doing media. It's media day which means it's boring for you and Jessie's got a gap in her schedule so she's come over to where you're set up with girl-swan and girl-moose and now you're on her shoulders.

You're giggling and Jessie's pointing out what everybody's doing.

"There's Sam!" You say, pointing to where Sam's sitting with somebody and a plate of food.

Jessie carts you off towards her.

"Hi, Sam!" You chirp, reaching down to shake Sam's hand because sitting up so high on Jessie makes you feel all special and powerful.

Sam laughs.

She must have something on her hands because after she's pulled away, your skin feels all itchy and little red welts appear where she's touched you.

You scratch them as Jessie takes you off her shoulders.

"What's that?" You ask, pointing at Sam's paper plate.

"It's a kiwi," Sam says," Would you like to try it?"

"Never had a kiwi before," You say, thinking for a moment," Just a little bit please, Sam."

"You've got it."

She hands you a chunk and you pop it into your mouth.

You've got kiwi juice on your hand and it makes it go all red and itchy. It makes your throat go all itchy too.

"Don-Don't like it," You say. Your voice is all wheezy and choked up like your throat suddenly doesn't want to be open anymore. You try to cough but it doesn't work and tears appear in your eyes.

"J-Jessie!" You cry," Hurts!"

But your words barely make it out of your mouth and it's largely unintelligible.

Jessie and Sam are looking at you horrified as your face gets redder and redder and puffier and puffier.

You're panicking now and your tummy feels all bad, like you're about to throw up.

You think you do throw up. You're not too sure but you feel all woozy because your throat is all closed up and you can't breathe.

There's a clamour of voices around you and you drop like a bag of rocks.

Pernille watches it happen in slow motion. You get redder and redder and then you're down.

She leaves her interview without even making an excuse, sprinting towards you.

You've got vomit all over your top and your face is all swelled up and red. You're grasping at your throat, clawing at it so much that your little nails make deep red lines down your neck.

You're growing weaker though and you slump to the ground.

There are shrieks from everyone as you go down.

A crowd has formed, of players and media alike. Magda shoves through the crowd just as Jessie shoves her way out and Pernille kneels down to check your pulse.

It's hard to locate under all the swelling but it's there, weak and thready.

But it's there and that's all she can focus on.

"What happened?!" Magda demands, looking around wildly," What happened?!"

Pernille's desperately trying to find a way to help you.

You look terrible and your breathing is getting shallower and shallower. Someone (Pernille thinks Magda) gives her a napkin to mop up the vomit on your chin and she moves you onto your side so you don't choke.

Your eyes are swelled shut and you're making these terrible wheezing noises on every inhale.

"I don't know!" Sam is yelling," She ate some kiwi and completely swelled up! I didn't know she was allergic!"

"She's not allergic!" Magda snaps back before screaming out," Medic! Come on!"

Jessie fights her way through the crowd again and Pernille's watching in slow motion.

"Call an ambulance!" Jessie orders, more authoritative than Pernille's ever heard her. She rolls up your shorts and jams a big pen-like thing down into it.

The effects are almost instantaneous. Your face slowly begins to unswell and your breathing evens out. As you wake up, you immediately burst into tears, blubbering and whining out words that aren't even words.

"We still need to get her to the hospital," Jessie says, looking around wildly," It's my epipen. It's meant to be for adults. I don't know if kids have to have different ones."

Thoughts come rushing through Pernille's head at such a speed that she can't fully understand. She remains in this state even when the ambulance comes and everyone's loaded inside.

Media day has been cut short and Pernille knows that the rest of the team will be following in their cars.

"What...What did you mean, epipen?" Pernille manages to ask as she stands outside your hospital room after being kicked out so the doctors can work.

"Epipen," Jessi repeats," They're for allergies. It's like a shot of adrenaline or something."

"She's not allergic to anything," Magda says, speaking for the first time in a while. She's just staring at you through the window.

"My parents thought I wasn't allergic to anything until I went into anaphylaxis too," Jessie says quietly.

The doctor slips out of your room and shakes Magda and Pernille's hands.

"She's fine," Is the first thing he says, clearly very used to settling worried parents," Your friend did the right thing, giving her the epi. Usually, we'd see some bad effects with an adult dose on such a little girl but your daughter's allergies are severe enough that only an adult dose would have helped."

"And it's definitely allergies?" Magda asks.

"Definitely allergies," He confirms," You'll have to bring her back in a few weeks for proper allergy testing but you said it was a kiwi?"

"Yes," Jessie says," Kiwi."

"Then I'd keep her away from bananas and avocado too. They tend to be grouped together with allergies and latex too."

"But she's going to be okay?" Pernille says," She's going to be alright?"

"She's going to be just fine," The doctor assures her," Her reaction was pretty extreme so far as symptoms go but she's going to make a full recovery. I'm going to prescribe her some epipens for the future and all you need to do is make sure she keeps them on her at all times."

"Thank you."

They're all let into your room where you sit playing with the tube of your IV.

"Leave it alone," Magda says softly," How are you feeling?"

You make a face. "Sam's kiwi was a bad kiwi."

"I think all kiwis are bad for you, princesse," Magda says with a little laugh as she brushes her hand over your hair.

"Kiwis are blergh!" You declare sticking your tongue out. You turn to look at Momma. "When can we go home? Jessie said that we could play zoo."

"I think they want to keep you a few more hours," Momma replies," And then we can go home."

You sigh like this is a big inconvenience to you. "But then Jessie has to go home too," You say," And she said that she'd play zoo with me."

"We can play zoo here," Jessie says as she comes in," Sam and Erin dropped off your backpack. Have you go any zoo animals in here?"

You perk up. "I do! I do! Morsa, Momma, can we play zoo here?"

Magda smiles. "You can play zoo here but no jumping around. I want you to sit nice and pretty in your bed. And no playing with your IV!"

You sigh. "Fine."