#the kind of stuff i stay up past 3am to draw

[bluegekk0]

embarrassing

based on this tweet

[la-principessa-nuova]

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I’d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

[dameronology]

it's no use, i just do {bucky barnes}

'if i just wanted someone to hold, then really anyone would do/i'd close my eyes and really try not to turn them into you, but it's no use, i just love you' - no use i just do, hayley williams

(a.k.a: the one where bucky needs a hug, but specifically from you)

eugh more bucky stuff from my drafts? yes. i think so. truth be told, I started writing this like 3 months ago (whenever flowers for vases came out) but it's been sat collecting dust. enjoy :-)

- jazz xx

p.s this is spoiler free!

The nights were always hardest for Bucky Barnes.

The dark always reminded him of the furthest corners of his mind; the ones holding his worst memories, skeletons collecting dust, rotting away until he forgot about them completely or forced them out with intensive therapy. Both were options that he was completely dreading - so he forced them down, forced them to the back and did everything within his power to ignore. It was easy enough during the day, when he was surrounded by his friends, occupied by work and the buzz of New York City.

Then the sun went away, and with the rising of the moon came the echoes and ghosts of Winter Soldier's past. Thanks to the likes of Netflix and YouTube, the modern world was filled with enough things to distract Bucky from the grips of his own mind. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

And tonight was one of the nights where it didn't. Every time he shut his eyes - squeezed them shut and gripped onto his thin blankets like a flimsy anchor to the present - he got flashbacks. Reminders of the things he'd done and the people he'd hurt. They always had the same look in their eyes, whenever they flashed into his mind. He couldn't see it then, but now he could feel again, he knew it was fear. The same look he had in his eyes every time he was clamped into a chair and forced to have the last remaining ounce of his humanity wiped.

Bucky's hold-ups about his feelings for you seemed almost comical compared to the problems he dealt with then. But he could feel more now, which meant his brain was so hyperaware of every little thing he felt for you; love, attachment, fear. All things that were enough to send him into a spiral, even if the feeling of your arms around him and lips meshed against his was the first reminder of his humanity since nineteen-forty-fucking-five.

Distance had felt like the answer. Cutting you out completely and acting like he hadn't fallen into your bed every night for six months seeking comfort. It was kind of a dick move, but it was one you understood. Actually, no, it wasn't, because you didn't understand a single thing the man ever fucking did. That's probably why you'd let him go so easily - people came and went. Maybe he was just supposed to be the latter.

How was it going, you ask? Given that Bucky had elbowed his way into your apartment complex at 3AM and was pacing outside your front door - pretty fucking terribly. Normally, he wasn't that bad at resisting the urge to seek you out, but tonight had been hard. Too hard. His hands were still shaking, shirt still sticking to his back with sweat. The nightmares had been...visual, to say the least. He felt like a monster, and you were the only person he trusted enough to convince him otherwise.

"Hey, dumbass. I have a Ring doorbell - what the fuck are you doing out there?"

Bucky jumped at the sound of your voice. Technology: 1. Barnes: 0.

The front door swung open, revealing a tired-looking you. Your hair was pushed back off your face, large nightshirt swamping your body. He knew you got mad when your beauty sleep was interrupted, but you got even madder when he suffered in silence.

"I..." Bucky trailed off.

"Nightmares. I know." You stepped aside. "Come in."

You didn't push any further, or berate him for his radio silence over the last few weeks. He was grateful for that. You were the only person who didn't ask so many questions all the time. Bucky didn't mind talking, but recounting his entire life story to Sam Wilson whilst they drove to Walmart wasn't his idea of fun.

Your apartment still felt homier than his. The walls were covered in photos of you and your friends and family, and shitty little drawings done by your various, younger relatives. Your fridge had postcards and letters hung on it, and there was clutter all over the kitchen counter. The thousands of pillows piled high on your sofa were practically a safe haven. There was a soft scent of vanilla hanging in the air from all your little diffusers, making him smile slightly.

"You got new curtains?" Bucky helplessly pointed to your window.

"How very observant of you." You placed a hand on his arm as you brushed past him. "What's going on, Buck?"

"With my life, or just tonight?"

"I don't think we have time for the first one." You fell onto the sofa. "Sit."

He took a seat beside you; not on you, but close enough so that your knees were touching. "Every time I close my eyes, I remember."

"That wasn't you." You gently reminded him, reaching out to push his hair back. "Not then and not now."

"I still did it though." He held his hands out in front of him. "These are the hands that killed innocent people. This is the brain that felt no empathy or remorse."

"No." You firmly said. "Those are the hands that fought in Wakanda, for the good fight. This is the brain that comes up with the worst jokes I've ever heard and regularly forgets to buy toilet roll."

His blue eyes wavered from the floor, capturing your gaze. He suddenly fell back against you, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head in your chest. Everybody else went out their way to make him seem like a monster or a saint - but you? You just made him seem like a human. There wasn't a single perfect one of those. Steve Rogers probably came close, but he was a fucking terrible driver.

"I..." Bucky trailed off. He knew what he wanted to say. Just didn't have the courage to verbalise it. "I appreciate you."

"I know." You murmured, carding a hand through his hair.

Bucky had gone to therapy. He'd taken up exercise (and boxercise and jazzercise) and yoga. He'd tried those stupid fucking cleansing smoothies that his neighbour had sold him - at the time, he had yet been introduced to the idea of multilevel marketing schemes - and gone to meditation classes. None of it worked. Not for a single second.

Then you came in the picture, and he began to see colour etched into the edges of an otherwise black and white world. Where there had been nightmares and flashbacks, he'd found a peaceful night's sleep and pleasant dreams (normally of you, truth be told). The simplicity of it was what made it so complex - because he didn't understand it. Couldn't get his head around the fact that you actually, genuinely wanted to help him.

And he knew it wasn't just your touch or the softness of your skin against his. He'd tried it - sleeping with strangers and staying around the morning after to cuddle. Anything to find human contact with the emotion and the commitment; the very two components that were the secret ingredients to the two of you working so fucking nicely.

"Thank you." Bucky murmured.

"For what?"

"For just..." He glanced up at you, blue eyes holding an emotion you couldn't quite place, "treating me like everyone else. Like a normal person."

"You are a normal person." You softly smiled. "Maybe with a little more baggage, but to the right person, that won't matter."

"Does it matter to you?"

"That's a trap." You thinned your eyes at him. "But no, it doesn't."

He tightened his grip on you, the fear and anxiety draining from his soul. He knew now more than ever that the comfort didn't come from the way he was being held, or the way he was being spoken to. It was who was holding him, and who was speaking to him. You came out on top, every time.

That was why it worked.

It was you. And there was nothing he could do about it.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy, JK was bold in the past, around 2017-2019 (to me, gcf & rosebowl can be considered as ‘coming out’). But it seems he now prefers to stay closeted? E.g. he snatched JM’s hand in the Xylitol x BTS shoot, then looked at the camera. Holding hands is normal among members… a lot of his interactions with Jin, V and other members are more intimate than holding hands… his reaction makes me feel like he wants me to pretend I didn’t know…?

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately...

I'm busy being the man of my woman's dreams in a cis het anti black capitalist world

Fun times.

I saw that bit, uWu-ed and kept it pushing.

It's nothing new really. I think a few months back when I was out here screaming Jikook are toning down, acting super professional around the cameras yadda yadda people out here were looking at me like I'd lost my two delulu heads- but this segues into that theme for me and since I've exhausted the topic I don't know what else to add.

I've said before they've both been very conscious of the cameras within certain periods post October- again nothing new, they be like that every now and then every season every phase and the whys will always be up for debate in these ship streets- on that subject, I've read a lot of opinions yet I think like mine better and will stick to it. Thanks Kimberly of Delulu precinct. Walk along now. Lol.

Jimin was like that during the Coway behind the scene shoot too when he noticed the cameras and quickly elbowed Jk to draw him away from the gaze of the cameras.

I don't think it's because they stopped being 'bold' or want to pretend. It takes a lot of courage to even pretend or even perform the gay in front of the world and your peers. I think they are just awfully aware and conscious of the people they work with as well as corporation's growing awareness, intentions and interests in them. You just never know which saessang is moonlighting as a brand PA or marketing director for a company they are working with. You just never know who is watching especially whenever they have to work with these 'outsiders.'

Think of Dispatch. Were they not allies or business partners, they'd be careful around them too if they worked with them. Know what I mean?

Toning down and exercising caution is necessary sometimes. I don't know why some people think that's absurd or Tuktukkerish when I say stuff like that. Especially with the kind of reputation they have as a ship and just how commercially attractive that image is. It's common sense at this point if you ask me.

Jikook sells. Argue with the analytics. I don't know who thinks they don't. Must be the clowns and penguins. They sell period. BigHit knows this, BTS knows this, companies know this. We don't scream Jikook is a brand within a brand for no reason.

And a lot of the toning down in recent times has perhaps inadvertently mitigated that growing power and demand of them as a marketing resource- who knows, that could have as well been by design, intentionally instigated for obvious reasons which I argue is the case but don't mind me. I'm delusional, gay and apparently the man of my woman's dreams uWu. Gotta wear that pants in my relationship. Ayaya Hwaiting.

When you say he prefers to stay closested- I thought they are both closested already?? They both have never been fully out in our opinion. Yes our opinion because I feel we are like minded. Let's be delulu mates.

On the topic of closets, I want to save that for a separate post. What I can say though is they are both growing and maturing and learning and unlearning. Jungkook's desire to 'come out' or act reckless with his glass closet in my opinion stemmed from him placing more value on his personal happiness over other values perhaps because he was young and hadn't fully grasped the full and complex nature of happiness or understand the privilege he has as part of BTS.

We make decisions based on our values most times. It's how I make sense of their actions really. I'm more likely to assume things that are consistent with the values they each have expressed openly and tend to reject any theory that contradicts or is inconsistent with those values. A guy who values his career is less likely to act in a way that puts that career at risk. And I'm well aware their values evolve over time.

These days he has never quit as one of his mottos next to rather dead than cool- do you see the contradictions in those values? Rather dead means quitting life. Yet now he says never quit. Don't mind me. I'm in a grumpy mood.

But what I'm saying is, the desire to want to show the world who this person means to him is not fixed or a priority all the time. Now i think he values his career a lot more than before which means he is more likely to compromise and less likely to do things that may put that career in jeopardy.

Transferring that to his relationship, I don't expect him to be breaching the glass closet anytime soon. And if he do, it might be incidental and may carry with it consequences which I believe he is well aware and concious of now. Will that change? You bet. Again it depends a lot on what his values in a given moment are and which ones he prioritizes.

It's their relationship. They chose which aspects of it they want to share with the cameras. Some of it get written off as fanservice. Fair enough. But the nonfanservice passing moments has always been questionable- although I must say, I find all Jikook moments and interactions questionable lol.

It's just skinship. Holding hands I mean. Why would he be conscious of that right? II'vetalked about consequences and repercussions of their actions. Sometimes I think it's the off screen scolding that gets to him. The ones silently whispered at his back. I mean we saw his reaction when Jimin was getting scolded by the hyungs for sleeping late. He's talked about skipping sleep too if I recall correctly. Jimin is hyung and I know the hyungs expect him to know better and do better. I'd Imagine Jimin would equally scold JK if his actions reflected poorly on him too.

So why the hell would he not say anything to Jungkook for posting on his birthday when he hadn't posted at all for any hyung's??? Sigh.

It's sad his guards are back up- but it's for good reason I believe given the context of the situation.

I don't think dramatizing his dynamic with Jimin makes him bold. Nor does Jimin's propensity to over express himself with Jungkook mean he loves Jungkook more than. Both are extreme takes for me.

Nevertheless, I contrast that moment with a Tae Kook moment which is one of my favorite tuktukk moments. In this moment, JK is staring at Jimin, his whole body turned towards him. Tae notices the cameras and draws JK's attention to it. I think there are two such moments like that from the recent contents? I don't know I have to cross check.

Tae in that moment reminded me a lot of Jimin. Jimin does this too- play out their relationship infront of the cameras to the point one might say he likes to show off their bond- which is such a BTS thing to do too so no big deal. I mean they like to show off their bond and chemistry as Tae said a while back.

It's one thing for JK to hesitate to act with a member because of the cameras, it's another for him to act self conscious only after the fact.

And JK has always been him like this with Jimin as Jimin used to say- JK acts different with me off cameras than he is on camera. He had a history of suppressing himself around Jimin owing in part to his personality

He's talked about putting on a mask around people and in a recent interview Jimin have talked about pretending and acting one way when he's not- I mean I've ever talked about the boy being in love with the Maknae being a facade- one of many.

They have public personas which, from what BTS themselves say, looks slightly different or similar to what we see on screens- or that they've grown to be more like what we see on screens.

I guess what I'm getting at is that 'pretending' isn't exactly a new thing or out of the ordinary. Personally I'd say he's being conscious of his surroundings like Jimin was and not that he is 'pretending.' If you know what I mean.

If he's pretending he has good reason to I believe and we can only speculate on that- we can't know for sure why.

If Jikook is fanservice then there's no need for either of them to worry about the cameras picking up on their interactions or who's watching them.

What goes on in Tae's head? I wanna know.

I don't know where to direct this post because you didn't really ask a question.

I'm fine thanks for asking. I'm really fine. I'm thinking of joining Jimin in the gym at 3am to bench press and build some biceps to match my role in my relationship😒

And no I don't need any advice. Keep it.

This is going to be my attitude until we switch back😐

I'm gonna be a boyfriend from hell and a blogger from satan's ass.

Also I think I overshare💀

GOLDY

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

May I have a ship 🔮 for MCU? Preferably male, thank you 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

I'm 19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, ENFJ-A/ENFJ-T, Neutral Good, Ravenclaw, and a Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using the pronouns She/Her or He/Him with Cherubic-like face. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, eats a lot, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly tends to get bruises from bumping and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, vent out everything I despise (having a bad day, toxicity, poorly written soap operas, how am unlucky when it comes to love life) and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle way.

𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗥𝗔 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit. Lastly, my best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former campus ministry member (choir member, psalm singer, and reader) and in coming college freshman. Currently learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale...I also consider joining pageants too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Hi! Sorry this took so long for me to answer I've been busy all day. Thank you though!

🔮- Tell me about yourself and I'll give your a boyfriend/girlfriend (specify sexuality and fandom)

Okay, marvel Boyfriend. Easy Pietro Maximoff. I mean if he didn't y'know💀. Okay, but on a serious note, if you are about to fall or anything since you are clumsy he helps you and like saves you from the fall. Also, I'm clumsy, and if you're like me, you probably drop your phone too. (I saw you said you're careless with your belongings) he totally catches it every time. And jokingly scolds you for it. He loves your jokes corny as they may be, he's totally walked in on you dancing, and acting like a model he loves it and starts dancing with, since you like music he shows you sokovian music all the time. He'll support you in all your dreams as a man should! He's learning to cook with you cause he wants to spend extra time with you. He's terrible at it but nonetheless.

Okay It's 3am good night. Thank you for participating in my sleepover!

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

She-who-fights-and-writes Coronacation Book Rec List

I know that a lot of people are stuck at home right now in dire need of entertainment, so I decided I’d put out a book recommendations list of all the books I’m currently reading and all of my must-reads!

(Just a note that a lot of these are Fantasy because I’m a fantasy nerd haha)

Books/Series I am currently reading

1. The Folk of the Air Trilogy by Holly Black (Currently on #2, The Wicked King)

Genre: High Fantasy

Setting: The land of Faerie which is kind of historical, but in the human world it is modern day

Main cast :

Jude Duarte (white, human, cutthroat, if I saw her in a Denny’s Parking Lot at 3am I would RUN)

Cardan Greenbriar (white, faerie, the true embodiment of Bastard)

Vivienne (Jude’s half-sister, lesbian with canon gf, half-human half-faerie, I would totally try to be her friend)

Taryn Duarte (Jude’s twin sister, queen doormat, still, I would take a bullet for her she’s jUST TRYING TO FIT IN)

Rating: 5/5 Stars

These books have been on my “To Read” list for so long now and for some reason I just never got around to reading them! Hands-down, these are some of the best high fantasy books that I’ve read in a long, long while.

I finished the first book, The Cruel Prince, in just two days and rated it 5/5 stars! Even though these books are high fantasy and focus on the traditions and ways of life of faeries, somehow all of the characters seem like I could meet them in real life!

The main character actually has genuine flaws and not just “””“flaws”””” and is a Bad Bitch down with murder, and the plot had me on the edge of my seat from page one!

The summary makes it sound like it’s going to be about their romance, but it’s really mostly about a power struggle and Jude being a badass.

Goodreads summary for The Cruel Prince:

Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

2. The Raven Cycle Series by Maggie Stiefvater (Currently on #1, The Raven Boys)

Genre: Present-Day/Realistic Fantasy (?)

Setting: The fictional town of Henrietta, Virginia

I haven’t gotten around to much of the book, so there’s not much I can tell you about the characters and I can’t properly give it a rating yet.

These books were also on my “To Read” list for a while; I was a huge fan of her book The Scorpio Races and have also been looking for something to quench my thirst for “private school/ghosts/magic” that I’ve been dealing with ever since I read The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo.

I’ve only JUST started The Raven Cycle yesterday, but so far I am hooked! I’m super worried because I’m TERRIBLE at juggling two series at a time but both of these are just so interesting! 

Goodreads Summary for The Raven Boys:

“There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve,” Neeve said. “Either you’re his true love . . . or you killed him.” It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive. Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble. But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little. For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

MY MUST-READ BOOK LIST

1. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

Genre: Historical Fiction

Setting: 1700s Europe (England, Paris, Barcelona, Marseilles, Venice)

Main cast (I’ll try my best not to spoil anything because you find out a LOT of different stuff about these characters throughout the book):

Henry “Monty” Montague (white, bi/pansexual, attitude problem)

Percy Newton (mixed race, gay, very sweet boy, definitely got “most likely to bring home to mom” in the yearbook)

Felicity Montague (white, Monty’s little sister, headcanoned as asexual, I love her to death)

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Daring adventure, gay representation, historical setting, hilarious characters!

This book literally has it all! I would consider it one of my favorite books of all time, yet for some reason I’ve never gotten around to reading any of the sequel books! The ending is very satisfying and ties everything together, which I feel is part of the reason why I haven’t gotten around to them yet. 

Therefore, it can serve as a one-shot read or a full series if you want to dive into something good!

The humor made me laugh out loud at points and all of the characters are very real and very, very relatable, not to mention the vivid settings of 1700s Europe!

Goodreads summary:

Henry “Monty” Montague was born and bred to be a gentleman, but he was never one to be tamed. The finest boarding schools in England and the constant disapproval of his father haven’t been able to curb any of his roguish passions—not for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men. But as Monty embarks on his Grand Tour of Europe, his quest for a life filled with pleasure and vice is in danger of coming to an end. Not only does his father expect him to take over the family’s estate upon his return, but Monty is also nursing an impossible crush on his best friend and traveling companion, Percy. Still it isn’t in Monty’s nature to give up. Even with his younger sister, Felicity, in tow, he vows to make this yearlong escapade one last hedonistic hurrah and flirt with Percy from Paris to Rome. But when one of Monty’s reckless decisions turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt that spans across Europe, it calls into question everything he knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores.

2. The Ninth House By Leigh Bardugo

Genre: Horror, Fantasy 

Setting: Yale University and the town of New Haven, Present Day

Main cast:

Galaxy “Alex” Stern (Hispanic, sees dead people, very scary)

Daniel Arlington “Darlington” (white, rich, an angel who can sometimes be a dick)

Pamela Dawes (tbh I honestly don’t remember what she looks like, only that she’s a tired grad student with big nerd energy)

Detective Alan Turner (Black, takes shit from nobody, husband material)

Rating: 4/5 Stars

(NOTE: THIS IS VERY DARK ADULT FICTION AND CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE, WOULD NOT RECOMMEND FOR PEOPLE UNDER 16)

This book is a great read for someone who’s looking for a disturbing, gritty book with layers upon layers of secrets that you have to peel away as the mystery unfolds. I love the secret societies and the intricate magic systems that the book introduces, and it actually made me hungry for more books like it!

 Alex is a three-dimensional, very real character who also serves as an unreliable narrator who witholds or warps the information that she’s telling you, making the narrative all the more riveting.

The only issues that I have with it are the fact that Leigh Bardugo kind of just dumps you in the middle of it without explaining stuff first, to the point where it kind of feels like you’re reading the second installment of a series rather than the first one, so things can get a bit confusing at first.

The book also can drag and draw things out for a bit too long, but once the plot fully kicks into gear, you will not be able to put it down!

Goodreads summary:

Galaxy “Alex” Stern is the most unlikely member of Yale’s freshman class. Raised in the Los Angeles hinterlands by a hippie mom, Alex dropped out of school early and into a world of shady drug dealer boyfriends, dead-end jobs, and much, much worse. By age twenty, in fact, she is the sole survivor of a horrific, unsolved multiple homicide. Some might say she’s thrown her life away. But at her hospital bed, Alex is offered a second chance: to attend one of the world’s most elite universities on a full ride. What’s the catch, and why her? Still searching for answers to this herself, Alex arrives in New Haven tasked by her mysterious benefactors with monitoring the activities of Yale’s secret societies. These eight windowless “tombs” are well-known to be haunts of the future rich and powerful, from high-ranking politicos to Wall Street and Hollywood’s biggest players. But their occult activities are revealed to be more sinister and more extraordinary than any paranoid imagination might conceive.

3. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Setting: Earth, Space, The Moon

Main cast :

Linh Cinder (Chinese, based on Cinderella, cyborg, certified badass)

Scarlet Benoit (French, based on Little Red Riding Hood, farmer who is not afraid to shoot you)

Cress Darnel (White, based on Rapunzel, nerd, I will protect her with my life if I have to)

Kaito “Kai” (Chinese, based on Prince Charming, kind of has to run a whole country, a very kind soul, deserves a nap)

Carswell Thorne (White, based off of Rapunzel’s Prince, bastard)

Winter Hayle (Black, based off of Snow White, royalty, has super special powers)

Wolf (Race unspecified, based off of the Big Bad Wolf, charming killing machine, furry????) 

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Do you like fairy tales?

Have you ever wanted to know what fairy tales would be like if they took place in the FUTURE instead of the PAST? 

Do you like an amazing, hilarious cast paired with a super interesting plot? 

These are the books for you!

I haven’t read them in so long, but I remember how much joy I felt while devouring these pages. Definitely something you will not able to put down!

Goodreads Summary for Book #1: Cinder: 

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . . Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

4. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Genre: Fantasy

Setting: Ancient Greece

Main cast:

Patroclus (Greek, Gay, quiet pining) 

Achilles (Greek, gay, very strong, student athlete energy)

Brisies (Anatolian, clever, literally the only one in this story who has a brain cell)

Rating: 100000/5 stars

This is basically the Iliad but if historians hadn’t completely erased Patroclus and Achilles’ relationship. “Haha yeah these guys were totally bros” they say, even though I have read the Iliad and their relationship isn’t even subtle.

This book made me cry at least ten times. It’s just so beautifully written and has such a distinct vibe to it that whenever I crack it open for another time, it takes me straight back to the vacation that I read it on. (Needless to say, sobbing your eyes out can be less than helpful when you’re on the beach)

If you can only read one book on this list, it should be this one. I could talk all day about it and write novels on just how much of an incredible writer Madeline Miller is, but I feel like you’d get my drift a bit better if you actually read the book.

Goodreads Summary:

Greece in the age of heroes. Patroclus, an awkward young prince, has been exiled to the court of King Peleus and his perfect son Achilles. By all rights their paths should never cross, but Achilles takes the shamed prince as his friend, and as they grow into young men skilled in the arts of war and medicine their bond blossoms into something deeper - despite the displeasure of Achilles' mother Thetis, a cruel sea goddess. But then word comes that Helen of Sparta has been kidnapped. Torn between love and fear for his friend, Patroclus journeys with Achilles to Troy, little knowing that the years that follow will test everything they hold dear. Profoundly moving and breathtakingly original, this rendering of the epic Trojan War is a dazzling feat of the imagination, a devastating love story, and an almighty battle between gods and kings, peace and glory, immortal fame and the human heart.

Hope this list helps you through your coronacation, and please don’t be afraid to reblog or message me to tell me if you’ve read/will read any of these!

[wille-zarr]

Okay hoooo boi do I have things to say about your fic and your writing🙌😭😭😭 (ps I still have plans to draw the reader and Din once I’m done with my commissions because your honor, I LOVE THEM)!

First thing’s first: your writing? Excellent. Characterization? Superb. MC is unlike any character I’ve read before. She’s sassy, really talkative, kinda reckless, definitely flirty, but what I love the most about her is the fact that beneath all of that, she’s been through her own stuff and has a sort of vulnerability that I adore.

That being said, my favorite parts of this fic are definitely when said vulnerability can be seen (added bonus when it’s seen by everyone’s favorite tin can, Din Djarin).

My absolute favorite chapter so far is Chapter 7 (“Kids, Cover Your Ears”), because not only do we get to see protective, Soft Din™️, but MC actually lets her guard down enough to forget herself and let us see her. Like when she reluctantly keeps her mouth shut “for the children”. Or when Kuill mentions her past and we see her struggle internally before running into Din, and for a split second, not keep up the walls she’s built around herself. Peak characterization, I say!!!! *shakes fist at the sky*

I hope this is all making sense😂 When you asked what we remember your writing by, for me, it’s that—characters that are more layered than any onion or ogre in existence😂

I admit I’ve flipped through your amazing fic countless times! (and reread the part where Din tells those people to let her go👀, when she wakes up and is finally honest with him, when he tells her to stay—gosh, my heart—😭).

You are AMAZING!!!! Please keep at it becauee you’ve got insane talent and I love your story!

^^^me when I saw how amazingly long your comment was jshdhdhshs

I DIDN’T EVEN READ IT FOR THE FIRST 30 MINUTES BECAUSE I WAS ENJOYING THE FEELING OF JUST- KNOWING IT WAS THERE IF THAT MAKES SENSE

Okay hoooo boi do I have things to say about your fic and your writing🙌😭😭😭 (ps I still have plans to draw the reader and Din once I’m done with my commissions because your honor, I LOVE THEM)!

AHHH I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEM!!! I’ll also be sure to link to the fanart on both Ao3 and tumblr so everyone can see it!! (And for the record, I’ll also being to this with any fanart anyone sends in, such as this amazing fanart from @styxxus!)

First thing’s first: your writing? Excellent. Characterization? Superb. MC is unlike any character I’ve read before. She’s sassy, really talkative, kinda reckless, definitely flirty, but what I love the most about her is the fact that beneath all of that, she’s been through her own stuff and has a sort of vulnerability that I adore.

That being said, my favorite parts of this fic are definitely when said vulnerability can be seen (added bonus when it’s seen by everyone’s favorite tin can, Din Djarin).

Oh my goodness, I am always so thrilled when readers tell me they adore Ka’r’ika/Reader because she means SO MUCH to me. Ngl, she’s actually based on an old Clone Wars OC me and @sana-katarn created years ago.... There are significant differences, but the core personality was heavily influenced by her. So, I’m actually quite sentimental towards Ka’r’ika/Reader! 

Ka’r’ika/Reader is a very complex, multi-faceted character. Yes, there’s that core personality- the real her- the person she would have been had she grown up with her family on Sularia. But the life she led after the Empire’s raid… Let’s just say it heightened certain negative characteristics she already possessed but would have been left much more dormant otherwise. Her fight for survival brought out both the best and worst in her. We will soon be learning much, much more about that “worst” side of Ka’r’ika/Reader. 

But honestly, I LOVE that in a character! A character who can be selfish yet selfless, bad yet good. People are complicated- so shouldn’t characters be as well? Ka’r’ika/Reader has created so many personas, so many masks, to survive. But as we will soon learn, she never settled for just “survival.” She fought to thrive, even in the most terrible situations. While a kind and childlike nature rests at her core, she has an equally selfish, self-destructive, and ruthless nature she fights against.

My absolute favorite chapter so far is Chapter 7 (“Kids, Cover Your Ears”), because not only do we get to see protective, Soft Din™️, but MC actually lets her guard down enough to forget herself and let us see her. Like when she reluctantly keeps her mouth shut “for the children”. Or when Kuill mentions her past and we see her struggle internally before running into Din, and for a split second, not keep up the walls she’s built around herself. Peak characterization, I say!!!! *shakes fist at the sky*

Chapter 7 was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE! The “fight” scene was written all in one sitting at 3AM during a hyper-fixation session. I felt barely human once I was finished with it lolllll! Ka’r’ika/Reader’s weakness is certainly children. Children bring out the best in her- and again, we’ll be learning more about that soon. ;) But, even though Ka’r’ika/Reader thinks she’s this infallible, unreadable person, she’s actually pretty bad at keeping the “persona”, the “walls” up when she’s caught off guard or called out.

I hope this is all making sense😂 When you asked what we remember your writing by, for me, it’s that—characters that are more layered than any onion or ogre in existence😂

JHAHSHSHS THAT’S THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVER- A SHREK QUOTE HECC YEAAAAAA lol (And honestly, characters are the reason I write! I have SUCH extensive stories that intertwine for everyone! I even have backstories written for characters like Irea! lolllll)

I admit I’ve flipped through your amazing fic countless times! (and reread the part where Din tells those people to let her go👀, when she wakes up and is finally honest with him, when he tells her to stay—gosh, my heart—😭).

You are AMAZING!!!! Please keep at it becauee you’ve got insane talent and I love your story!

Jshdsjdh I’M ALWAYS AMAZED WHEN PEOPLE RE-READ MY FIC AAAYYEEEEEEE Thank you so much! 

And let’s just say if you loved Din in that “let her go” scene, you’ll L O V E chapter 9!! And if you think the conversation where he tells her to “stay” is good, JSHSHDSHD WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE ENDING SCENE OF CHAPTER 9 SODHDHHS I CAN’T WAAAAIITTTTT.

But seriously, thank you for this amazing and lovely comment. I’ve had a miserable week, and this REALLY brightened it, dear! 🥺❤️

-------

Send an ask telling me what the one thing is you remember me for as a writer. Is it a scene or a detail or a specific line? Is it something like style or characterization? Anything!

[teyvattherapist]

Hi congrats on 100 followers btw!!

For the Match Up can it be romantic? And male ehe if you dont mind !!

As for my personality, well it's really hard to dedcribe but I tend to become an extrovert whenever im with comfortable people or with mt friends, but when I'm with people I dont know i tend to become an introvert well that depends if this person picks up my interest then I would gladly interact with them, but if they make me uncomfortable I just tend to smooth it out until the interaction is over. I also tend to get flustered easily or just hide it by getting mad at them or hit them playfully for some reason because I dont want to admit it lol ehe (I also have anger issues lol but I can handle it)

My interests are painting, walking outside at night or at dawn (you know those cliche escapes where you walk in town with no noise or at the beach), I also like to stay up late and draw, running away at 3 in the morning (ehe) cuddles ofc!! Hand - holding Gift - giving, playing games (video games esp), coffee and all that

The kind of person that I'm looking for is someone who would be there for me (not always because we know that not everyone has time for u they also r really busy and all that) Like when I need them the most they'll be there quickly, I also would like the kind of person who likes to play along with my jokes, Who understands me but really all in all i just want someone to be there for me when things get tough, also they can be open to me anytime they want but if they dont want to share their thoughts then thats completely okay with me!! I wont bother them or force them to open things to me just because I'm their S/O

Sorry if its too long but I hope this works!!

okay venti who let you into my inbox? no but honestly i'd love to be your friend I relate to a lot of the stuff you put here haha. Especially late night walks. best walks imo. Thank you for the congrats! Onto the match up~

I’m going to be honest I chose Kaeya because you two would cause so many problems and I live to watch the world(er, Teyvat) burn. Kaeya is charismatic enough for the two of you when it comes to strangers, and he’s almost too smooth when dealing with any ‘‘problems’ you may encounter.

Not to mention he’d live to fluster you, though if you ask him to stop he will(in public at least, good luck getting him to stop behind closed doors). Plus if you smack his chest he’ll just grab your wrist and now you get to feel his glorious chest, congratulations, you’ve played yourself. He’s got a cheeky little smirk the entire time.

Kaeya loves the beach, he conducts quite a bit of his business at night, so what I’m hearing is he brings you to Falcon Coast at 3am to walk along the shoreline? Haha, yeah. If you give him a pretty shell you spot he’ll keep it for pretty much forever. Give him art you’ve stayed up late drawing? He keeps that too, if it's small enough it shall be tucked safely inside of his wallet.

Mondstadt’s Cavalry Captain may have secrets he’d rather keep to himself, for now, he’s a fantastic listener. It is his job, after all. The kind of man to drag you into bed for cuddles so you can talk about whatever may be on your mind. He enjoys touching and being touched, the type ranges, but he’s always genuine and soft late at night as you two discuss your days, or rather you discuss your day and he gives you the usual ‘paperwork, bleh.’

And hey, with no cavalry to currently captain, be rest assured he’ll always be there when you need him. (He’d be there anyways, there are not many promises he keeps, but when it comes to people he cares about..) Give him time and he may admit the truth. For now though, he’d be one to greatly treasure your respect about his past.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Kaeya, I found a nice one!” Your call cuts through the misty air of the quiet beach, drawing Kaeya’s attention to you. Standing up, you brush the sand off of the milky white and almost pearlescent shell you had found alongside the shoreline. The cavalry captain joins your side and you hold the shell up to him.

Kaeya took it, holding it up in the light of the moonlight to look at it closer. A mischievous glint in his eye, he turned his head to you once more. “It is pretty, but not as pretty as you~” A small huff escaped you, cheeks growing warm as you quickly looked away from the man with a pout. “I guess that makes you my pretty seashell?”

You smack his chest, but before you could pull back and walk away Kaeya gripped your wrist, pressing your hand against his chest. “Feel that?” His heart beat below the surface of his skin, underneath your hand. Kaeya’s expression softened when you looked back at him, your eyes quickly averting his. “My heart beats for you.”

“You’re so cheesy, let’s get back before it gets any later.” Kaeya snorted at your flustered voice, releasing your wrist to instead wrap an arm around your shoulders, dragging you against his side to walk alongside the shore in the direction of your home.

[anim3tingz]

hi hi hi bby!! im here to request a bnha male match-up!! i use she/they pronouns, im a minor, enfp-t, pisces (i act like an aquarius tbh), my aesthetic is a mix between baddie, skater, chaotic good and dark academia. btw you can call me ash! i have black mid-length wavy hair, tan skin, dark brown eyes. im also 5'11 and i have a skinny, tall figure.

my personality is kinda hard for me to describe so im just gonna copy paste a description of myself from a previous matchup (hjdsd) ; i love pop music, going out with friends, all types of affection (especially hand holding and cheek kisses), reading, the arcade and taking random quizzes. i have this habit of imagining blue butterflies when i get angry and it actually helps me calm down. i do have a lot of moodswings but im pretty hyper most of the time. im the type of person who texts their friends at 3am just to annoy them. i am also tomboyish asf.

im both a night-owl and a morning-bird; i literally go to sleep at 3 or 4 am and wake up at 6.40am so i guess i'm pretty sleep deprived (and coffee obsessed). i look like i can be blown away by a gust of wind BUT i am in the swim and basketball teams at school and was in the chess team in 4th-6th grade (i guess im pretty smart uwu). i seem intimidating at first glance but im a real softie on the inside, i pretty much simp for everyone i know. im affectionate with all my friends but im shy to show affection to my family (except for my 5 year old sister).

i have a lot of phases. for eg; i was into aesthetic diaries and stuff about two months ago and only wrote in the diary for a week or so AND i had this phase where i drew cartoons of characters and that only lasted ONE DAY (but i did draw about 30 characters lol). my favorite movie genre is action/sci-fi, i also like thriller movies because they don't scare me much but if i dont get to finish watching a horror movie i get really paranoid because i dont know what happened to the characters in the end.

i dont even know if this is related, but i usually wear oversized t-shirts and shorts with or without a backwards cap. i also LOATHE dresses and skirts and if i HAD to wear one i'd wear it with sneakers. plus, i really hate make-up and i only use chapstick, and sometimes eyeliner when its absolutely necessary.

about my type, i honestly don't know, it doesn't matter who it is but i prefer someone who's kind of like me because the ✨ dynamic ✨ sdjcjc and also someone who can cheer me up when im down and be there for me. bonus points if this person is as chaotic, stupid and random as i am. my love languages are physical touch and quality time but it's mainly physical touch because im affectionate (mental and physical-wise.)

my current fav songs are ; ruin my life - zara larsson, gorgeous - taylor swift, under the weather - derivakat, sit still look pretty - daya and, domino - jessie j. anyways, tysm for this! hope you're staying safe!!! <333

Hey, Ash! Omg. Of course, I can do a ‘Match-Up’ for you. ❤️ You’re currently 9th in line for requests. Once, I get to yours I’ll send you a message letting you know. 

Also, I LOVE your energy/vibe. I already know who to match you up with. I can’t wait to write your ‘Match-Up’. 😄

Hope you have a great rest of your week. ❤️

[shinebrightlikeamalcolm]

Here’s one, the reader finds out that they are pregnant and plans some cool away to tell Malcolm, but the surprise ends of being ruined in some way.

You look down at the test in your hand. The third test. Three test, three results. All are the same and draw the same conclusion that can no longer be ignored. You consider taking a fourth but your instinct is taking over now, and you know it’s the truth.

You’re pregnant. You and Malcolm are going to have a baby.

God...you want a drink. Wait, no! You can’t drink! Ok. Deep breath now, it’ll be ok. You know it will be. There’s things you need to do. Get an official blood test, see your doctor.

Oh, and you have to tell Malcolm....

Crap.

***

You double check to make sure you had everything prepared, and go touch up the large patterned blanket on the floor. To others, an indoor picnic at home to tell the news may have seemed too simple, but you’d honestly thought through every single idea, and each one had made you think “too much for Malcolm.”

You had absolutely no concept of how he’d react. He could run, have a panic attack, embrace you in joy; honestly the options for reactions were endless. For that reason of unpredictability and for Malcolm’s comfort, the words “private,” and “indoors,” came to mind as a safe option. Besides, it was the middle of winter. Like hell you were doing anything outside in general.

But just because it seemed simple didn’t mean you hadn’t gone full out. You’d bought yourself a proper old-fashioned picnic basket, which could always be put to good use in the future (and not dead of winter). You’d lit candles and strung some soft lights, and had some relaxing music playing. You’d bought a new and beautifully patterned blanket for the affair as well. You’d bought his favorite red wine. Ready to go was a a non-alcoholic sparkling cider for yourself. But the food you had looked to die for too, and you’d run around the city to find the best ingredients, and you couldn’t wait to dive in. You’d grabbed olives and fresh bread, several types of cheeses and house spiced meats. Flavored tree nuts, jams and fresh honeycomb and other fruits from the farmers market. You also had palmiers and macaroons from a local French owned pastry shop for dessert, and had bought their coco mix too.

Everything was perfect. You looked perfect too. You’d put on your favorite dress, done your hair and make up to your liking.

You has everything set up, and you dragged pillows onto the floor for a romantic evening and for telling him the news. You has your sonogram set and ready to give him, in a little box tied with a ribbon as a gift. Your heart raced as you heard the door unlock and he stepped inside. His eyes went wide first, then came the quirked mouth smile. “What’s all this?”

You can’t help but giggle in excitement. “Surprise! Picnic indoors!” You say as he takes his coat and then suit jacket off. He loosens his tie just a little, but keeps it on to match the occasion. He plays along and come right over, and you hand him the prepared glass of red wine, which has had the time to breathe and the flavor is at its peak. Malcolm closes his eyes savoring the flavor and the smell of the candles at the end of a long day, and he doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve you.

“Thank you, (y/n), this is honestly perfect...” He goes in for some grapes, and scrapes some Brie onto the cut bread. A little bit of fig ham with it was perfect. He leaned his head back at the pleasure of taste in his mouth. “You went all over the place for this stuff, didn’t you?” He said with that handsome smile, those blue eyes light and joyous and relaxed. The look was rare and you pray it lasts into the night.

You take a deep breath as your mouth settles into a smile. Now or never. “I...have something that might make it even more perfect.” You reach behind you and hand him the box that feels as light as hair but carries the future inside it.

“(Y/n), you didn’t have to get me anything,” but he has an excited mischievous grin and he starts to untie the ribbon, as the door opened, and Gil Arroyo just walked in. And Malcolm sets the present down, the bow falling to the side.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but something’s happened. We have DNA on the bracelet that Paul gave you.” Malcolm shot up, nearly knocking everything over. You let out the lightest of sighs; you know what this means. Work is calling, more than that, the past is calling. And if the junkyard killer has finally made a mistake and left behind DNA samples, it could mean getting closer to answers....in secret, without alerting the FBI of course.

Malcolm’s mouth has dropped, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth open in shock and at the possibility of answered questions and filling in the blanks. He looks down at you, and reached for the gift but you snatch it away.

“I have to go...” his voice trails. You smile and nod.

“I know. Lives are at stake. And so are answers you desperately need...it’s ok...” you reassure him at the sad puppy dog face of guilt he’s giving you. “Malcolm it’s ok. I’ll give you your present later...and there will be other date nights.”

He smiles and sighs in the reassurance of your understanding. You genuinely know how much he needs this. Terrible timing...but you has forever. He could have this. Maybe answers were what was needed for him to move on and have a family. Perhaps it was a gift from the universe you think; because otherwise you’ll cry as you clutch the sonogram in the box in your hands. He kisses you softly, and speaks as he leaves.

“We’ll do it all again, this was amazing...and you’re right...many more date nights....I’ll be safe, I promise,” he says in advance. You always tell him to be safe.

And you sigh as the door closes.

You blow out the candles.

You pack up the food on plants and cover them in foil and put them in the fridge. You wrap your the bread so it doesn’t go stale.

You leave the soft hanging lights on, the gentle glow of them staying awake to welcome him home. And you pray it’s truly the start of a new beginning.

***

He’s rushing home, his mind his filled with more answers and yet even more questions, and he knows inevitably he’ll return to see Martin, and he has to tell her everything. He needs to unload the information and the yearning for more in his system before he feels like every atom in him will explode.

But when he pushes the door open at 3am, he finds the meal cleaned up, and the twinkle lights still there to greet him. He finds her accidentally asleep across the pillows on the picnic blanket on the floor.

And his gift is right in front of her. And he can’t help himself. It’ll be the only question wracking his brain that he’ll be able to answer tonight. He slowly unties the ribbon, the fabric scraping softly. He takes off the lid of the almost weightless box and he’s met with a black, white and gray photograph, with an unmistakably outline in it.

He gasps and drops the box and the sonogram. He instantly feels like he’s burning up. His breath hitches and increases as his heartbeat echoes in his ears and chest. With trembling fingers he picks the sonogram up and looks at it intently, in shock and some kind of utter amazement, and of course extreme panic. He touched it, tracing his shaking fingertips over the outline of....of their child.

Then he looks down at her, strewn across the pillows on the floor, in the soft light of the room. And that’s when the tears come to his eyes that he blinks away.

He carefully, oh so carefully, lifted her up into his arms and carried her up the two steps to the bed, laying her down as softly as he could, but she still shifted awake with a soft sound.

“Hey...did you get the answers you needed?” She asked, her voice quiet from sleep. Malcolm smiled softly. All the other feelings; the pain, the memories and questions and the yearning need for more information had vanished when heMd opened that box. Malcolm nodded, tucked a piece of her hair back behind her ear, and bent to kiss her ever so softly.

“Rest (Y/n), sleep well and we will talk tomorrow ok?” She nodded, having no idea he still had the sonogram in his hand. He kissed her one last time before crawling under the sheets beside her, and holding her tight and close, and he promised himself he wouldn’t let her go ever again.

“Yes...” Malcolm followed up as she drifted off. “I got every answer I ever needed....”

[throughthewwods]

100 Days of Productivity

Day 23

Probably the biggest accomplishment of yesterday was staying mindful of my physiological warning signs and intentionally changing gears, deciding to go do good things for myself to recenter before PTSD hijacked my Monday.

🔨 maintenance came to fix my sink

They left only for me to discover shortly after the leak wasn’t fixed. Glad I investigated. Called them back right away and someone came today to replace the piping.

📚Listened to another trauma lecture

📚Added to my material synthesis

then had to walk away because it was particularly guarding and hit way too close to home. I didn’t make as much schoolwork progress as I would’ve liked, but I know if I didn’t go practice self-care tings’ then I’d used less for more than an afternoon.

🏃🏻‍♀️Hula hoop to happy music for 30 then jogged/speed walked for another 30 while watching comedy standup. Dopamine=good

🌹 Took a long shower with a TV show on the background and primped a bit. Put a rose in my hair.

Nothing too crazy. Just wanted to feel cute. really, the whole aim of all this was to get my mind off the trigger, which I did with moderate success.

🍎 Stocked up on groceries

🎨 RB and I drew.

I haven’t felt artistically inspired ever since Covid. It’s the cabin fever and lack of stimuli, but I’m happy with the drawing and glad RB suggested we be artsy

🍲 Cooked a quick dinner

The secret to good, easy Ramen is cracking an egg in it and adding a packet of mixed veggies that have been tossed in soy sauce.. Always helps to keep spicy peanut sauce in the fridge for a lazy pad Thai.

——————————————-

Most of the time I am unfazed by the dark nature of some of my schoolwork, but yesterday‘s lecture was rough: betrayal, betrayal blindness, gaslighting, other areas of perceptual maladaptation to cope with abuse that happen midst trauma. it’s taken me many years to have more faith in my own awareness and learned ability to guard myself against manipulative people, but it still feels like a house of cards that might topple from the slightest breath.

It’s why my relationship history was so hard to stop repeating.

It’s the source of far back generational trauma in my family and why I live 3000 miles away from everyone.

It’s why I have so little patience with my mother who still tries to convince me the sky isn’t blue when reality is inconvenient or uncomfortable for her or that ‘healthy’: healthy boundaries, healthy love, healthy family interactions, healthy goals, healthy parenting is some sort of Brady Bunch myth. When she does this my inner child becomes a quiet rage ignited in my sternum until it booms out my throat in dragon flames to protect myself with a fiercest that little girl could not. Her manipulation would become a curse I spent over a decade purging that ‘I still struggle with. The fear of becoming my mother still jars me at 3AM. I dread letting her toxicity anywhere near my child’s mind. The other day when my mother tried to manipulate me with her someday death as some sort of allowance for her toxicity in the meantime I did not retort. I did not spit back the truth of the matter, which is that someday I will be free of her along with that entire traumatic volume of my life she still lives in. I don’t wish for her death. It won’t be with the same callus I felt when I got the phone call my stepfather was forever gone, never the harm anymore ever again, but I know there will be a great relief in my soul to have it finally over.

.

.

.

.

Throughout my body theres silent, throbbing, antique sorrow.. I’m singing madly in my living room because studies have shown deep breaths from the diaphragm are good for increased oxygen flow, which lessens fight-or-flight reaction.. Plus the endorphin release is good for easing anxiety and depression.

I dance it out to bouncy tunes and jog along with Iliza Shlesinger.

I take one of those long showers to wash off the human condition then do girlie stuff to make myself feel new.

RB surprised me with not yet bloomed lillies that will open as valentines Day approaches 🥰

He gave me a lift to the bank, which was to no avail, and to replenish groceries. I really appreciate his easygoing kindness. Later he shared that he’s glad he could help and that it’s nice, to feel as though he’s pulling his weight, purposeful. We don’t live together so I don’t have those sort of shared responsibility expectations, but his consideration is endearing and makes me optimistic for the future when our lives are more interwoven. It parallel Iliza joking how men primally are attracted to being needed and feeling useful. I know RB admires my independence, a quality that has has made exes insecure in the past, so this coincidence was both pretty funny and curious.

It was nice spending time together earlier in the day while we still have energy. Post modern lounge playing in the background, we’re each sketching in silence except for the occasional kiss on the cheek or caress. I’m glad we can share being artists, but also grateful we have different styles, so it never veers into skill set awkwardness.

Later we’re making sense of grocery bag mayham. He sneaks kisses, hugs, playful touches. We giggle. Even the mondane is happier with him.

Quick dinner with everyone. Cuddles. My GSD obsessively shoves the ball at us over and over like he does full of puppy joy.

Pounce-y, snuggly, and sleepy. Life is good.

[kpop-choco]

tagged by: the lovely @sly-merlin, thanks for the tag, hun!! (sorry it took so long >.<)

tagging :  @defnabeom, @actuallythatwaspromise, @softforqiankun, @bogeymanpop and anyone else who wants to join in the fun ^w^ (if any of the people I tagged - or anyone else- are curious what I would bold on your 20 aesthetics feel free to retag me  (o･ω･o) )

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft ♡

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

dark academia ♡

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story(but i don’t have the heart to write on beautiful pages) |

edgy ♡

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic (not always accidentally!) | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

seventies ♡

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

preppy casual ♡

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

jaesmintea ♡ dia

oversized everything | painted nails | fairy lights | dozing off in the middle of class | tying hair up into a ponytail | round glasses (tho i dont wear glasses)| laughing so hard you can’t breathe | late night study sessions | tender hand holding | impromptu photoshoots | drowning in moondust | bathing in the light of the sunset | strawberry flavored lollipops | polaroid pictures | eagerly tugging someone down the street | handwritten love letters | smell of coffee | living with reckless abandon | crinkled pages of a journal | replaying the same part in a song over and over

naptimetea ♡ helena

everything black | rewearing your favorite outfit | drawing late into the night | rewatching favorite shows | the bread isle | minty lip balm | falling asleep anywhere and everywhere | making green tea | useless questions when it’s 2 am | forehead kisses | sleeping in till the afternoon | love of pink | staying up to watch the sunrise | dancing in the bathroom | messy handwriting(lol i hv both neat and messy parts) | pile of sketchbooks | talking for hours about interest | old sentimental stuff animals | hanging out on the bed and doing nothing | thick fluffy blankets

jeonginks ♡ eiko

the thrill of leaning your body way over a balcony’s edge | the suffocating feeling when the strong wind blows down your lungs | tip-toeing barefoot | hair ruffling and cheek pinching | hugging a body pillow at night | facing the sky with closed eyes | the whimsical silence when it’s past midnight and you’re the only person awake | when you can physically feel your eyes soften when you look at someone | dancing alone with only an oversized shirt | when your sweater falls over your thighs as you stand up | humming scary but memorable lullabies | vivid imagination | w-sitting with a mini skirt and thigh high socks | heated laptop on your lap | cereal at 3 am | gliding your fingers across your thighs | bittersweet melancholy | withdrawn and distant eyes | very tight belts | wanting love but not believing in it | not cruel but not kind

hae-sicheng ♡ kara

an organized mess l stepping off the escalator at the last moment l basketball shorts and sweatpants l the cool touch of jewelry l snoozing your alarm l cringe-worthy memories at 3am l chilling in your bed with your laptop screen as your only light source l dozing off in the car l the push of the wind l the sinking feeling in your stomach when the rollercoaster drops l skipping over cracks l sticking up your arm when you’re laying down l the dip of the bed when your loved one lays down l ‘this reminds me of you’ l buttery popcorn from the theaters l inside jokes l back hugs l stolen sweaters l eye contact l closing your eyes while on a swing l linked pinkies and broken wishbones l observing l vague yet specific l sleepy rambles l the melody of people l raised brows and hidden smiles

the32ndbeat ♡ qiu

solo movie dates | hunting for fun, cryptic riddles to indulge in | hot showers | headphones almost always on | loud typing on the computer keyboard | dark circles under eyes | letterman jackets | the scent of crispy toast | playing with your hair | chapped lips | screaming into your pillow | dipping your toes into a cold pool | iced tea in plastic bags | ‘lol no’ | folded arms | late night phone calls | resting bitch face | piercing stares | taking random quizzes just to pass the time | walking very fast

sly-merlin  ♡ simmi

black journals | taste of chocolate in your mouth even after hours of eating | hardbound and classic book covers| late night writing ideas | agatha christie | expensive fountain pens | antique items | middle part hair down | smell of mud after rain | attitude of superiority | how could you not know that? | disney sing-alongs | same playlist daily | pastel highlighters | black and green | whole white outfit | no makeup | be the one that rescues you | formal suits | kindness all the way

kpop-choco  ♡

old music | feeling like you grew up in the wrong era | random humming | girly things | melancholy emotions | introverted | pastel everything | gel pens | crossbody bags | mary-jane shoes | “food has never wronged me” | multiple notebooks of poetry | cotton candy | long cardigans | closing your eyes and biting your lip to hold in a laugh | sitting on a swing and reminiscing | ombre | cooking videos | quirky sense of fashion | closet gamer 

@sly-merlin thanks so much for the tag I really enjoyed doing this!! ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ

[dustofinsanity]

aesthetic tag ✨

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

tagged by: The one and only!! The wonderful!! The amazing!! The talented and  incomparable PAPA!! Also known as @defgyus 💜

tagging: no one but, if you wanna do it, just say I tagged you.

soft

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night

dark academia

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story

edgy

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks

seventies

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | diy-ing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding

preppy casual

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

cinanamon - steph

gold jewelry | slowdancing in the kitchen with a lover | sun on skin | red-tinted lip balm | lazy mornings | getting lost in foreign cities | scent of bakeries | high-waisted jeans | kissing someone’s neck | writing reminders on your wrist | sleeping in braids to have waves in the morning | growing an herb garden | gentle touches | sketches tucked between pages | flushed cheeks | tandem bikes, floating in a pool | vintage gold hand-mirror | deer grazing | softly singing while doing chores

jaesmintea - dia

oversized everything | painted nails | fairy lights | dozing off in the middle of class | tying hair up into a ponytail | round glasses | laughing so hard you can’t breathe | late night study sessions | tender hand holding | impromptu photoshoots | drowning in moondust | bathing in the light of the sunset | strawberry flavored lollipops | polaroid pictures | eagerly tugging someone down the street | handwritten love letters | smell of coffee | living with reckless abandon | crinkled pages of a journal | replaying the same part in a song over and over

naptimetea - helena

everything black | rewearing your favorite outfit | drawing late into the night | rewatching favorite shows | the bread isle | minty lip balm | falling asleep anywhere and everywhere | making green tea | useless questions when it’s 2 am | forehead kisses | sleeping in till the afternoon | love of pink | staying up to watch the sunrise | dancing in the bathroom | messy handwriting | pile of sketchbooks | talking for hours about interest | old sentimental stuff animals | hanging out on the bed and doing nothing | thick fluffy blankets

jeonginks

the thrill of leaning your body way over a balcony’s edge | the suffocating feeling when the strong wind blows down your lungs | tip-toeing barefoot | hair ruffling and cheek pinching | hugging a body pillow at night | facing the sky with closed eyes | the whimsical silence when it’s past midnight and you’re the only person awake | when you can physically feel your eyes soften when you look at someone | dancing alone with only an oversized shirt | when your sweater falls over your thighs as you stand up | humming scary but memorable lullabies | vivid imagination | w-sitting with a mini skirt and thigh high socks | heated laptop on your lap | cereal at 3 am | gliding your fingers across your thighs | bittersweet melancholy | withdrawn and distant eyes | very tight belts | wanting love but not believing in it | not cruel but not kind

scxrlettwxtches

listening to a song and remembering the times you used to listen to it on repeat | imagining yourself living in any other life than the one you have now | crop tops and high waisted jeans | forgetting to smile but not actually being upset | nuzzling your face in the crook of their neck | back hugs when you’re stressed | turning in assignments 1 minute before they’re due | wanting a relationship but getting scared the moment you’re in one | pretending that you don’t care when inside you’re burning with doubts and fears | the sound of the evening waves as you lie on the sand | lying in your bed listening to your sad playlist | exhaustion but you can’t sleep | singing loudly when you’re the only one home | feeling safe and comfortable with that person in your life | knee high suede black boots with your black winter coat | comfort over appearance | writing essays at 2 am | creative peak from 1 am to 4 am | the one that always ends up walking in the back of a friend group

hyunsracha - sav!

split-dye hair | female rappers | staying up until 6am and sleeping until 1pm | taking notes on an ipad | middle school emo music | mini skirts | late night drives | rain on the ocean | flirting with people when you’re bored | doc martens | eating ramen in the pot | afraid of being looked at | fishnets | getting joy out of making people laugh | small tattoos | crying yourself to sleep | peppermint everything | desperate for freedom | chipped black nail polish

lveletters

well-worn converse | ginger ice cream | farmers’ markets | amaretto in coffee | the sound of pen on paper | empty mountain trails | black and white photographs | vintage bicycles | roads trips with no destination | overfilled bookcases | a shoebox full of ticket stubs | granny smith apples | orange gerbera daisies | cardigan sweaters | games that tell a story | red wine in a mason jar | succulent gardens | tattoos of birds | fresh-baked muffins | a favorite pair of jeans

dnceracha - sydni

black chelsea boots | chapped lips | browline glasses | losing yourself in video games | impressionist art | pink peonies | writing down anything you need to remember | the smell of gasoline | business goth style | dangly earrings | florals | ballet flats | cuffed jeans | liking the villain | a stack of journals | generous amounts of highlighter | knives | rain on a tin roof | heavy footsteps | small-town diners

bamshine - sae

chunky black boots | not realizing you’ve been writing for hours | soft dog fur under your hand | the loud gathering of friends after an exhausting dance class | bubble tea | casual touches between friends | beach trips | airports late at night or early in the morning | coming home from travel and finally being in your own bed | leaves crunching under your foot | shopping for groceries with christmas music on the radio | loud family gatherings over a pizza | succulents | goofy singing and dancing with friends | getting so into a book you do nothing else all day except read | cool summer evenings around a bonfire | apple cider | the scent of vanilla | selfies with friends | the sting of a new tattoo

jjinyounf - cres

ocean breezes | moonlight/sunlight through clouds | sweatpants and baggy tees | empty journals | stud earrings | messy bedroom | thought-provoking movies | apple cinnamon | hot, but not sticky weather | chill big dogs | mixing flavoured vodka with ice cream | playing songs at full blast in the shower | quiet corners | the sound of bacon while it cooks | loud thoughts but quiet words | staying in bed until the absolute last second | mid-calf boots in the winter, flip flops in the summer, sneakers every other time | mental breakdowns doing anything academic-related | madras shawls | the colour combo of red, black, gold, and white

flowerbeom - kat

polaroids | saying hello to the moon | buying more books that you can read | lo-fi playlists to fill the emptiness | baking bread of saturdays | playing the same song over and over until you learn the lyrics/vocal runs perfectly | milk tea | booping your cat’s nose with your nose | keeping a stash of that one perfect pen | being the quiet listener in conversation but always has a great story to tell | sneakers over everything | watching the sunrise through cracked open blinds | leather and patchouli candles | freshly cooked rice | finding the perfect word to describe something | the crunch and squeak of walking on freshly fallen snow | writing “hello” on foggy windows | strolling through ancient forests and feeling small | kissed on bare shoulders | falling asleep to the sound of rain

focusgyeom - leena

wishes at 11:11 | leather jackets | hoop earrings | making playlists for friends | seasonal candles | bath bombs | pink drinks | late night drives | crystals | ripped jeans | starry nights & full moons | writing out your emotions instead of talking about them | loves the thought of being in love, but too scared to fall in love | black clothes | staying up till 3am writing | lip gloss | fall & winter | vampires books & shows | keeping a journal on you at all times | gel pens | sunflowers

defgyus - val

feeling at home in museums | color coordinating everything | feeling the warmth of the sun on your face | owning lots of stationery | aesthetic pinterest boards | period drama | coffee and tea are always a good idea | big windows overlooking a big city | neutral tones and muted pink | keeping a journal with your favorite quotes | fashion magazines | disney films | movie scores and lofi playlists | daydreaming in public transport | learning languages | laughing out loud watching comedy sketches | drawing on procreate | chunky sweaters and jeans | neck kisses | loving hard

defnabeom - nauan

shapped sunglasses | silver jewelry | the laugh of the people you love | this particular voice you could hear for hours | veins | ripped clothes | grungy style | cats lover | collecting everything | organized mess | cigarettes and a glass of whiskey | the feeling of being afraid to bother | old cartoons | spikes | men perfumes | noisy pictures | bucket hats | a simple touch of color in a black outfit | wine red eyeshadows and matte lipstick | the loner who needs love

[imaginesandideas]

Wanna be yours

summary: drunken confessions take unexpected turn

WARNINGS: alcohol consumption

word count: 1.3k

mildly inspired by Arctic Monkeys song. Gif credit goes to @claracivry 💜

~~~~~

Before he was able to take another swig from half emptied whisky bottle, you snatched it away from his reach.

“Hey! T’was mine!” Warren slurred out, hours of dancing and drinking on Jubilee’s birthday bash finally starting to kick in. For at least an hour now, you two were sitting comfortably on the roof, watching the moon, which was in its full glory and bright as ever.

It wasn’t like you two were actually dating, at least not officially. Everyone knew that something was going on between the two of you, occasionally sneaking excited kisses after passing exams, holding hands and generally spending more time with each other than with anyone else. But if asked about it, you were rather hesitant.

It wasn’t Warren’s fault in any way. You absolutely adored the boy. With all his impulsivity, bad boy aura, self-conscious flirting, listening to metal songs so loud he couldn’t hear you through his headphones... but after your previous experiences you didn’t mean to rush anything. It took you long enough to get Warren to trust you fully, to talk to you honestly about his struggles. Quickly you became his ally, confidant, best friend... maybe even more than that.

You often found yourself thinking about how fragile was your relationship with him, how you didn’t want to ruin it by making it ‘a thing’. How your didn’t want it to break under the weight of social judgement, pressure and your own fears.

“You had drank enough.” You exclaimed with a stern voice and put the bottle on your side, knowing full well that in this state he won’t actually argue. His head rested against your shoulder and he sighed lightly, kind of forcing himself not to fall asleep. “Where did you get that anyway? I don’t think Jubilee would supply the party with such... anaesthetics.”

You felt him chuckle and looked at the way his curls bounced on top of his head from laughing.

“I know a place.”

“Warren...”

“Okay, a’ight.” He said raising his hands in surrender as he sat up to face you. His eyes were exceptionally sparkly under heavy eyelids, in the moonlight. You watched him as he crawled from your side to your front and made himself comfortable between your legs, wings brushing your knees. Smiling to yourself you felt a slight blush creeping on your cheeks, but you weren’t even ashamed at that point. After all you were alone on the rooftop and Warren seemed to be dazing off very soon anyway.

No matter how many times you’d tell your friends there wasn’t anything going on, deep down you felt your heart swell at the thought of him. You simply tried to push this feeling away because you were certain he couldn’t feel the same.

“I went to my room.”

“What?”

“For the whisky. My room.” His statement brought you back to reality, and it took your brain a second to wrap it up. Peering down you noticed how he mindlessly traced patterns on the concrete of the rooftop, right next to your thigh. His face was resting against it, cheek squished comfortably as his other arm that wasn’t occupied with finger-drawing, rested underneath his chin. Eyes hooded.

It felt so strange for him to be so convenient around someone else. But you weren’t just anybody, you were _____.

To distract yourself you started counting visible stars on the night sky that you didn’t even realize was slowly beginning to fade to grey. Leaning back on your hands you examined the sky. The bright points were blinking delicately from the distance, almost as if someone hung Christmas lights somewhere far away. It’s only then when you felt a rush of cold on your shoulders when the wind began to blow. Luckily you were wearing a jacket. It was one of Warren’s and you smiled at the thought.

You could stay like that forever, if you weren’t interrupted by incoherent mumbling from the level of your thigh.

“Warren, you gotta raise your face from my leg if you want me to hear you.”

He shifted, the arm that rested on your thigh coming to wrap around your hip as he gazed up at you.

“I went for that bottle because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself again.” You shook your head amazed.

“Way to go.” You were glad you were sober, otherwise it would probably end up with both of you confessing dumb stuff to each other. But Warren wasn’t finished.

“Cause I like you, and you would laugh me up if I weren’t drunk.”

“And why would I?”

“Cause I love you.”

Whatever you planned to say had suddenly vanished from your head as you stared wide eyed at the angel peeking at you. For a brief moment your heart stopped beating, or maybe you were too stunned to notice it. He couldn’t be serious, no, not in such situation, not after drinking, not past 3am at night. He wasn’t serious, he couldn’t be.

“I’m serious.” As if he could read minds, he spoke again gently squeezing your side, reassuring you in a way. “I just wanna be yours, _____. I want to be yours.” You tried to say something but nothing reasonable could come out of your mouth as it still hung half open. The emotions that you tried to hide from yourself for so long were now boiling but at the same time couldn’t find a way out. Your vision was getting slightly blurry when you felt him get up on his knees to kneel between your legs. He couldn’t thank the moon enough for the light it gave to your face, emphasising every detail. Placing his hands on your neck, right underneath your jaw, he silenced your confused head with a soft, but passionate kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut as the long awaited feeling of fulfillment spread through you. When he pulled back it took you a moment to open your eyes again. Everything was happening so fast and unexpectedly. But when you did, you met the most clear and content pair pf eyes you’ve ever seen. They were framed with fatigue and lack of sleep, but nothing could compare to the light that was shining from underneath them. You gave him a shy smile.

“Warren I-“

“Shh, it’s alright. We’ll talk about it later, okay?” He hushed you gently placing a finger at your lips, and you nodded. You could still feel the warmth of his touch on you, but now it felt more appropriate than ever. It felt true, like he was truly yours. “I’m kinda tired, so maybe let’s lay down and watch the moon, huh?”

You chuckled and nodded again, your eyes never leaving his own. You braced yourself on your elbows before laying down completely as you watched Warren following your motions. You kept looking at him as he made himself comfortable with his face buried between the folds of your jacket that was once his own, resting his cheek on your stomach, hands wrapping around your waist.

He let out a pleased sigh, smile arising on his face as you carrssed his cheek lovingly.

The sky was beginning to brighten, moon setting lower but you neither noticed, nor cared about it. He was yours, just as you always wished.

Your fingers stroking his hair soothingly as his breathing steadied, giving you hints that he was already drifting off to sleep.

With other hand you soothed feathers on the back of his wings.

In the quiet of the night.

In the solitude of the rooftop.

With distant chirping of morning birds.

Everything felt like the most vivid dream, that you wanted to be reality. And it was. The next day you two would look at each other differently, but it was a change you truly craved, even if you hadn’t admitted it.

He was yours. And he was happier than ever. And so were you.

~~~~~

sorry if this sucks, but i literally got this idea at 3am

taglist: @thesecondlastjedi @erinhardytaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok

@simplyvictoria-93 @rogerstambourinee @rockyroadthepastryarchy

[porchwood]

Hey friends,

I’ve been struggling to come up with a sufficient thank-you for all your help with the GoFundMe, but it seems every time I sit down to try to write a response, some new awful thing arises. And this past week was the worst yet (maybe the worst ever).

When last I spoke to you, I was getting over a bad cold and preparing to ease back into work after my injury. The PT office finally called me back and I went in for one session to make sure I was at a recovery point where it was okay for me to do massage again; the therapist did a quick assessment - no exercises demonstrated or recommended - kinesiotaped the knee and charged $100 that I had to pay then and there. (So a waste, and an expensive one, but I guess it could have been worse?) The next day I started back at work VERY part-time (one 60-90 min client a day) and it absolutely killed me. I was no longer wearing the brace and my knee actually did okay with the work (bending/crouching notwithstanding), but the rest of my body (esp core muscles) were just drop-kicked by the work. I went home exhausted and shaky every day and finally tried substantially increasing my protein intake, which felt a little ridiculous (we’re talking a 24g shake + an 11g bar for breakfast or two entrees at lunchtime), but it’s done a world of good, and that’s all thanks to you guys. (Protein of any kind isn’t cheap and your incredible donations made it possible for me to buy good food to rebuild my muscles.)

The end of my first week back at work, I fell hard on the ice outside my house. Miraculously, my left knee never even hit the ground, but I fell flat on my back and my left wrist - without any lasting injury, thankfully, but I was absolutely worthless for the next 24 hours and had several days (crucial returning-to-massage days) of varying degrees of pain in that wrist. In the meantime, I made a couple of other adjustments (raising my massage table to take the strain off my lower body, getting back on an ibuprofen schedule instead of just taking it after the fact, when I was hurting badly), all of which helped, but I’m still only about 85% back. My knee still hurts every morning when I wake up and gets stiff and sore whenever I have it bent for any length of time. My workplace has been surprisingly good about letting me work a slower schedule as I build back up (ex. 3 clients a day instead of 5), and last Friday I finally got a paycheck for the first time in over a month (!). 

Then, two weeks ago, I was wakened at 3am to Lucky (my little rat terrier) falling off the bed. This has happened before and is usually comical after the fact, but when I picked her up, she emptied her bladder all over me, and when I tried to set her down to check on her, her back legs had gone limp and wouldn’t support her. Terrified (I’ve heard enough end-of-life dog stories to know this isn’t good), I was about to take her to the emergency vet when she sat up like nothing had happened and began licking herself. I took her outside and she walked around a bit, completely sound on her feet, and pottied again - business as usual. Worried and mystified, I messaged my (LPN) mother who thought the urination sounded like a shock reaction to the fall, so I gave Lucky a bath and spent most of the day just cuddling with her.

For about two seconds, life seemed like it might finally be getting a little better. I was able to pick up two massages at a local inn (which pay substantially better than massages at the spa and provide some very helpful extra money). And then on Thursday, I came home to a slightly anxious Lucky (howling quietly on my bed), and when she got up to greet me, her back legs wouldn’t support her. I scooped her up immediately and her entire body went limp (seemingly lifeless), her head and neck lolling over my arm. As I ran through the house with her, her bladder emptied down the front of me and - still lifelessly limp - she gave the most horrifying howl I’ve ever heard. I was convinced she was dying in my arms.

As we tore down the road to the vet’s (thankfully, about a 5-minute drive from home), she sat up on my lap and by the time we’d reached the office, she was acting downright normal again. I was able to get us in with one of the vets about 10 mins later (a tech checked her out right away to triage her and make sure she was stable), and he wanted to get some data on her heart. She’s had a heart murmur for almost her entire life and, while I’ve asked repeatedly what we could do for that, the only advice I was ever given was hawthorn and ginkgo supplements (which she takes on a more or less daily basis), and at one point we tried a canine cardiac formula for a few months with no notable changes.

She had an EKG, chest x-rays, and a blood draw ($516, including the office call) and then that info was sent to a veterinary cardiologist in Portland. All they could tell me in the meantime was that her heart is enlarged and to just have her take it easy for the rest of the day; they would call me first thing the next morning with the cardiologist’s report. Lucky was sleepy but normal for the rest of the day and I passed an awful night of bad dreams (including one about rabid dogs) and waking every hour or so to make sure she was okay.

I was scheduled for my typical split on Friday but had only one client at the end of the day and was an emotional wreck, so I asked if I could just go home to be with Lucks and I found another therapist to cover my client. I still hadn’t heard from the vet by 10am, so I called to check in. He gave me a brief summary over the phone and asked if we could come in for some more tests, which was another hour and a half and $236. (I was able to put these two visits on my CareCredit card but for some reason the vet only gives a 6 month promotional period instead of the 12-18 months that other places do. If you’re not familiar, CareCredit is a great option IF you can pay off everything quickly. If you can’t, you’re clobbered with obscene interest on the entire sum at the end of the promotional period, even if you’ve paid off almost all of the principal.)

I’m still making sense of the cardiologist’s report because it’s quite in-depth and my knowledge of the heart isn’t quite that high, but here’s what I’ve been able to glean:

- “severely enlarged” heart - borderline tachycardia and occasional arrhythmia (her collapse was considered a syncopal episode, if that helps anyone) - some degree of mitral valve issue - at risk of developing congestive heart failure

She was put on two heart meds, pimobendan/Vetmedin (which is supposed to be very effective and is also very expensive) and enalapril (an ACE-inhibitor), and she has a kidney check-up in about a week to make sure she’s doing well on them and adjust the doses if necessary. The vet seemed to think the prognosis was pretty good (considering that at this point we’re talking about staving off heart failure :/) - he said small dogs with mitral valve issues tend to do well on these meds - and other than this insanity with her heart, Lucky seems to be in pretty good shape. Before Thursday she was extremely active and happy; there’s no sign of neurological issues, and her BP, thyroid, kidneys, etc are all looking good. So I’m trying to stay hopeful.

She’s been a little extra sleepy (understandably) the past few days, but this afternoon she seemed unusually “off,” so I’m trying to figure out whether it’s her tiny body adjusting to the meds (which she needs to stay on for the rest of her life) or if her heart is suddenly starting to get tired and this is the new normal. :( I called my mother earlier (a mistake) and got a lot of pessimism-in-the-guise-of-sympathy that left me feeling like Lucky is on hospice and I should start making end-of-life arrangements now. 

I’ve been crying for the better part of the last four days, and I don’t think I can articulate how painful this is for me. I didn’t think it was possible to donate a human heart to a canine but I looked it up just in case, because I would give her mine without hesitation. Lucky is my whole life - my soul running around in a little black-and-white body, and five years ago when my life systematically fell apart, she was the only thing misfortune didn’t touch - and I knew this, and I was waiting. Since then she developed sleeping bladder leaks (which, while frightening, were easily and effectively treated with estrogen), then severe separation anxiety (which I’ve been struggling to treat since 2016, and yes, I blame myself for the anxiety making her heart worse, even though I’ve done absolutely everything to help her overcome it). Lucky is absolutely the reason I didn’t try to end my life at various junctures over the past five years, and I don’t want to think about what will happen to me if she’s not here anymore.

And as ridiculous as this will sound: I was supposed to be married by now. When I got Lucks as a puppy, I knew the inevitable would one day come (unless Jesus comes back before then so Lucky and I can just go to heaven together, which I haven’t given up on), but I knew my life would be much different by then. I would have a home and a husband to help shoulder the financial and emotional burden. I was not supposed to be alone, sterile, and struggling just to make ends meet. I love my roommate dearly, but it’s not the same as having a spouse, nor should it be. She can give me hugs and listen to me cry, but at the end of the day it’s me in that dr’s office, holding my hurting baby and promising to pay for whatever they have to do, and me that has to hold everything together and keep going when the worst happens. 

Incidentally, last Sunday was my birthday. I’ve mentioned before that my birthday has some kind of perverse curse, and if this year didn’t prove it, I don’t know what will.

My father (living in Nebraska, and with whom I’ve had a strained relationship since my hysterectomy) has congestive heart failure, and my mother called me shortly before all of the Lucky stuff to tell me that he’s failing and to try to talk me into moving back to Nebraska to help keep an eye on him. Which is a subject for another time entirely, but over the past few days I’ve been wondering if I should think about going back (temporarily), if only to be around family myself. It would be a complicated situation (I’d still be on the Maine lease and paying for half of everything, Lord knows if I’d be able to keep my Maine job when I came back and I’d end up back at Massage Envy in Nebraska, not to mention I’d be scrambling to pay down my medical bills and Lucky’s), but maybe it’s something I should consider.

Anyway: that’s where I’ve been. :( And I’m sure I look like an ingrate for not saying thank you about the funds sooner, but between the fatigue and the heartbreak, it’s been hard to manage much of anything lately.