#the kaleidoscope CAL

[laidback-thrills]

hey, Cal, don’t tell Kenneth but I prefer you over him >:)

[sunderedazem]

“it’s okay. i promise you, i will be here when you wake up.” with spyscrapper for the drabble prompt?

OHHHHHH YES (thank you!)

There's- something noticeably different about being hurt by the Golden Skriton, as compared to it's lesser counterparts. And as Cal stumbles yet again, holding his side where the beast's stinger had pierced him through and limping, his calf still pouring blood - he tries to puzzle out what. But it's hard to put a name to with the chill of Jedha's cool deserts leeching warmth from his shivering limbs and sapping clarity from his stream of conscious thought. It's hard to figure out with the gash in his back still seeping warmth down his clothes despite the bacta dressings.

He blinks again, and Jedha's deserts burst with kaleidoscopic color before fading back to tans and browns and the oncoming violet of dusk. He's...a bit too far from the base to make it back before nightfall, he thinks fuzzily.

It's a shame BD had stayed with Cordova. The little droid always had been good at making sure the stim capsules didn't get smashed to pieces. And Cal...Cal hadn't been so lucky this go around.

The desert sways back into vibrant colors again, the pain fluttering into strange pulses of neon for a moment, and Cal staggers to a halt, staring absently at the landscape as it flashes green and gold and bright blue around him. He....doesn't think this is precisely normal. Maybe that's what's different about the Golden Skriton sting...?

He doesn't notice he's keeled over on the sand until the grit is cool beneath his cheek and there's spreading warmth sticky and wet beneath his side and- it's a little silly, really, how everything keeps flickering into pretty colors...and the sounds are starting to get weird too, there's a humming buzz that keeps getting louder and louder-

"Cal! Holy shit, scrapper-"

Bode's face is a miasmas of blinding orange and purple above him, and spinning wildly, and Cal giggles weakly up at him. He looks weird. Maybe Cal's just tired.

"Heyyy...jetpack..." he tries to get out- but the words slur on his tongue and garble, and there's a flash of fear on the mercenary's face that seems wrong, very wrong when the pain is drifting away and Cal doesn't really feel all that cold anymore. Dark eyes blink down at him, cutting sharply through the drifting colors and glowing traces of weird lights starting to curdle his vision at the edges. It feels like he's on the edge of a dream, a little. Carefully, Bode's hands trace around the curve of his throat, pressing against his pulse. Cal stares up at him, watching.

He's so pretty. Bode's so pretty it hurts.

There's a strangled sob then, and before he realizes what's happening Bode's sliding his hands underneath Cal's shoulders and knees and lifting. It's comfortable, and Cal's very convinced he's about to have a nice nap listening to Bode's pattering heart. Everything's pleasantly fuzzy now. And Bode is still so-

He sighs, closing his eyes against the bright colors beyond. Bode's handsome. Kissable. He wants to do that, later, maybe.

"You're the pretty one, scrapper," Bode says then, and his voice is choked with fear. "You hang in there, you hear me? Kiss me later, you hear me?"

Cal hums.

"...promise?" he garbles. "promise you'll...be here...?"

Bode chokes again, and his heart's a horrid drumbeat, loud and terrified in his chest. Cal thinks they might be flying.

"I swear to you, Cal. I'll be here when you wake up," he whispers. He sounds so scared.

Cal barely has time to wonder why before the kaleidoscope swallows him.

-

(He wakes up three days later, antidote like fire in his bloodstream and bacta plastered over his injuries. Bode is no longer orange and purple, but he is there. Cal thinks that he promised to be.)

(Bode still looks kissable. He always has.)

(Cal kisses him.)

(He's kissed back.)

[a-cloud-for-dreams]

Hello, how are you?

Question: Do you write fanfics? Any writing in progress or planned? Just curious to know.

Forgive me if I am disturbing you. I hope you're doing well and having a great day/noon/afternoon/evening/night wherever you are 🩷

I'm doing alright! hbu? Don't worry sending me asks doesn't bother me at all <3

I do write fanfics and make edits! I have them all linked in my pinned masterlist post. Thanks for sending this ask because now I have an excuse to talk about my stuff!!

I have some ideas for what to post so I can list them below if anyone is interested I'll work on them more/release them earlier. More info about the bigger projects will be found on my masterlist

Choices Related

Blades II: I have a lil mini fic about Mal and how he deals with Salem disappearing but @lawrencebarkley beat me to it with a Tyril x Reyna fic and I won't be able to top that imao here it is if you wanna read it! I def recommend it

Blades II: Aerin and Salem unexpectedly reunite and talk about the betrayal amongst other things

Nightbound: Jealous!Nik x Lyra headcanons specifically with her friendship with Cal imao I have a list already because jealous fics are fun for me to write so I may or may not post that

Ride or Die: A cute lil fic of Lyra and Colt reuniniting or Lyra visiting Mona and Shaw in prison

Non-Choices Related

Broken Stars w/ @magicwithineleteo (sorry for tagging you so much bestie 😭) between us it's a very big inside joke but I have some oneshots I can update and post at some point

Livin' the Luxe Life: THIS IS NEW!!! I decided to start releasing stuff about this story idea I've had for years since I've worked hard on it so why not? I'll post a new chapter to Ao3 soon. I'll also be posting TikTok edits about this since it's an original story lolol

The Kaleidoscope: more info soon…

TYSM FOR THE ASK!

[highbrasshighkass]

1, 9 and 10 for the fic writer asks?

How old were you when you started writing fics?

i can't exactly remember, but i know it was sometime in late middle school (my first "fanfiction" was basically a shot-for-shot written down version of an episode of star wars: the clone wars that i wrote in the middle of the night and then lost somewhere along the way lol). my first posted fic was a criminal minds oneshot in 2013 on fanfiction.net (my beloved)

9. What's the best title you've come up with?

titles are the bane of my existence lol. come up with? i do like "kaleidoscope flora and prismatic fauna," my j:fo fic where cal gets bit by a spider and gets temporary synesthesia.

10. Do you read your own fics for fun?

sometimes! especially my newer ones, since i'm pretty proud of them. i also have a woeful amount of unfinished fics that i grow through every once in a while to see if inspiration strikes.

thank you for asking!!

[flyiing-giraffe]

Writing Patterns

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Tagged by @cal-cium-the-nerd ! Thanks so much <3 !

Tagging: @darklordofcutlets, @me-shells, & @yeonjunenby, but only if you feel like it!

Whoooops I posted this to the wrong blog yesterday lol take 2!

the ascent

Once there was a god born; bright and beautiful and golden, into the heavens.

The Road(trip) to Hell is Paved with Questionable Decision Making

“I cannot fucking believe,” Sanji grouses, hands flying over the cutting board as he dices carrots, “that idiot Mosshead”— he thumps his heel on the ground for emphasis, igniting the floor.

possession

“—we don't know if they even kidnapped him. Corazon is always disappearing."

fledglings

Zoro’s in a bar, in a town somewhere.

warning shots

Being a Royal Warlord requires a lot more paperwork than Law expected.

kaleidoscope

Lucci does not remember what happened after the explosion.

five of a kind

New members of Cipher Pol are always taught how to play poker.

moonlight

The room is tiny, spare.

clean

Everything in Mariejois is so clean.

dinner & diatribes

“Whiskey, neat.”

Well, just glancing through I can see that everything is in present tense. Several dialogue starts in here, and then the rest are mostly short, declarative sentences meant to establish something significant about the environment or circumstance. The odd ones out are ascent and roadtrip because they are very stylized, and out of my usual wheelhouse. There are none that are really meant to establish a wider scene/larger events, although I know some of the later d&d chapters start like that.

Fun exercise! Definitely recommend it, if you think it sounds fun!

[alt-brained]

Social Media & Websites by Neurodivergents for Neurodivergents

Angela Weddle - twitter - website

Anand Prahlad - website

Lamar Hardwick / Autism Pastor - website - facebook

Another Queer Autistic - website - twitter

The Autistic Advocate -website

Ann Memmot -  website

Aspie-rations Comics - instagram

Autista al aparato - Autista al aparato

El Autismo Informal - El Autismo Informal

Cal Montgomery - website - twitter

Conversations of a Black Aspie - website

Cyree Jarelle Johnson - instagram - twitter - website

The Caffeinated Autistic - website

Chromesthesia / Kaleidoscope of Drunk Butterflies - twitter

ChrisTiana ObeySumner - twitter - facebook

Darius Brown - website

Eva DoCouto Kane - instagram

Erin Ekins - twitter

Emmanuel - twitter

Jesse the sluggish - instagram 

Fidgets and Fries - facebook instagram 

sef - instagram 

Hvppyhands - instagram - facebook

In the Loop About Neurodiversity - website

Jay St James - Jay St James

John Robison - Look me in the Eye - website

Kerima Cevik - olliebean - autism wars - twitter - facebook

Kristin Lind Smith - website

Kayla Smith facebook - youtube

Lilo - Twitter

Lydia X Y Z Brown / Autistic Hoya- facebook - instagram - website

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha - instagram - website - facebook

Morénike Giwa-Onaiwu - website

Mitsawokett - website - writing - twitter

Musings of an Aspie - website

Neurowonderful / Amethyst Schaber - website - youtube - facebook

Neurocosmopolitanism - website

Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking - website

Nina de Jesus - website - twitter

Nigh Functioning Autism - instagram - facebook

Neuroqueer.nonsense - instagram

One Quarter Mama - facebook

Pastiche Graham - instagram

Queerly Autistic - website

Radical Neurodivergence Speaking - website - facebook

Riah’s Weird Journey - website - twitter

Sophie LaBelle - facebook

Shy, paranoid, rare. - facebook

Studio Mucci - instagram - website

Tyla Grant - Adulting Autistic twitter -  personal twitter - instagram

Unmasked - instagram - facebook

The Autisticats - instagram website

Lauren Melissa Ellzey - instagram  

[oraflowers]

Celestial Kaleidoscope Sipper Glass

Quench your thirst in style with our 16oz Sipper Glass. Made from clear tempered glass, it's durable, sleek, and perfect for refreshing cocktails, juices, or any beverage you fancy. Choose between the classic version or opt for the version equipped with a Gasket-push Bamboo lid and Tritan plastic straw for added convenience. This sipper glass is FDA Certified, BPA Free, and Cal. Prop 65 compliant, ensuring your safety and peace of mind with every sip.

[must-mofasa]

Vibrant Stained Glass Sipper - Sipper Glass, 16oz

A beautifully crafted glass jar adorned with a kaleidoscope of stained glass patterns. The jar features a wooden lid and a reusable glass straw, making it both stylish and eco-friendly. Perfect for enjoying your favorite beverages while adding a touch of artistic flair to your day.

It's time to upgrade, buy now and get the most out of it!

Quench your thirst in style with our 16oz Sipper Glass. Made from clear tempered glass, it's durable, sleek, and perfect for refreshing cocktails, juices, or any beverage you fancy. Choose between the classic version or opt for the version equipped with a Gasket-push Bamboo lid and Tritan plastic straw for added convenience. This sipper glass is FDA Certified, BPA Free, and Cal. Prop 65 compliant, ensuring your safety and peace of mind with every sip.

.: One size: 16oz (0.473 l) .: Clear tempered glass construction .: Made in the USA from globally sourced material .: Available with or without a gasket-push bamboo lid and Tritan plastic straw .: BPA Free .: Please note: Hand wash only

It's time to upgrade, buy now and get the most out of it!

[eye4jewelry]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Vintage Gold Filled Retro Art Deco Space Age Earnest Borel Kaleidoscope Watch.

[happi-tree]

hi happi !!! i hand you this (♣️) and also a hug <3

Seisei!!!! I take this and puts it in my pocket to cherish forever and then take your hand and pull you into another hug 🥰🥰🥰

You’re my: Beloved mutual, A3B roomie, fellow person dragged by the combined efforts of Nyx and Cal from Amphibia to dndads, and one and only seibling!!! How I met you: In the apartment, though I think I must've seen your art a ton beforehand! I'm unsure as to when I actually followed you in all that, but I feel like it was probably pretty immediately because you were so wonderful and kind and sweet from our very first interaction :]c Why I follow you: AMAZING, amazing art that you churn out like nobody's business and a demeanor as bright and bubbly and squishy and serotonin-inducing as your art style!!! You're very friend-shaped, lovebird 💗 Your blog is: Like an art classroom! There's paintings and projects of every hue imaginable hanging from the ceiling, and it's an absolute kaleidoscope of light and color and whimsy. It's very easy to get inspired, and my day gets a little brighter every time I see you on the dash!!! Your URL is: Very adorable and also friend shaped!!! And it's just you, Seisei the seibling ever <333 Your icon is: Your sona!!! They look SO cool - I remember when you first showed their design in the apartment and was blown away by how cool they look. The purple eyes are my favorite part, I think 🥰 A random fact I know about you: Owner of some VERY cool magical ocs!!! I need to read up on their Lore, but every one of their designs absolutely slays. A seislay, if you will :P General opinion: Amazingly talented person and cherished internet friend!!! Personal ball of sunlight and positivity and encouragement :DDD Very lucky to have you 💗💗💗 A random thought I have: I look at the birthday art you gifted me on a daily basis btw <333 The colors and composition are so cool and I don't think I'll be over it anytime soon :DDD

[laidback-thrills]

Kaleidoscope "Cal" Miami!

More Info Below vvv

Working alongside Kenneth Torrez is THIS menace!

Cal mans the prize counter at the New Mexico Santa Fe location.

His favorite animatronic is Balloon Boy.

Unlike Matt, Cal is not a Virgin Loser. He's a frequent raver and practically lives the entirety of his undead life extremely high.

Kaleidoscope is dead. He was killed in a cocaine overdose, but decided he was "too young and hot to die" and animated with the pure spirit of Rave™.

Cal is 5'1", extremely lightweight, and his limbs possess a weird stretchy, noodly quality. When asked why, he only responded "'S just how groovy I am, duude...Go with the flow..."

Kenneth is very intimidated by them and feels as if they may team up with Balloon Boy to usurp his order (They regularly threaten this).

They are chaotic, flirtatious, chatty and confident. Cal has never been self-aware or self-conscious in his entire life, and he intends to stay that way. He has a vaguely threatening aura. He'd probably get along with Matt.

Kaleidoscope is single and ready to mingle if he ever gets from behind the prize counter.

[xxsparksxx]

The Kaleidoscope Blanket CAL - Part 13

The Kaleidoscope Blanket CAL – Part 13

Welcome to part 13 of the Kaleidoscope CAL – the final part!

The last thing to do with any blanket is the border. A good border sets off a blanket nicely, and after all the work you’ve put into this blanket, it deserves to be well-finished.

This border is fairly simple, with no colourwork – just lots of V stitches to create an open, lacy edge that really brings the whole blanket together.

The…

[greycaelum]

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo Satoru X Reader

(Kaleidoscope Series: Love Me Now, Love Me Never Chapters)

[What spooks the great Gojo Satoru? What it takes to calm his racing heart down?]

[Note: Fluff & very slight suggestive undertones. Word count: 1k.]

I usually do with coffee and tea but my Mum bought me chocolate and well here's the result :3

Fuss

Pale cold hands of a lady in white crawl out of the tub the hoarse tune sending your nerves to thrilling goosebumps.

"Doll!" Satoru wailed reaching out for your hand while shutting his eyes tight.

The white lady screamed followed by Satoru's squealing like a banshee and muscular arms grab you hugging you tight shielding his eyes away from the screen.

"Awie, is my baby afraid? You can go up first I'll finish this." You pat his backs feeling the tense muscles relax a bit from your touch.

You dare ignore him? Satoru can't help but feel aggrieved! You don't care he's scared, you don't care he needs hugs, you don't care about him anymore hmmph!

Satoru stood up with a pout adorning his face, leaving you on the sofa he stomp away to your shared room. He could careless of your laughter and the screams from the movie playing on the 84 inches flat screen he recently bought.

You chuckled switching off the paranormal movie and skip behind him, turning the knob and saw Satoru wrapped in the thick duvet above the cal king bed under the dim lights of the lamp.

'Childish'

Sashaying your way to his side you stare at his sullen face, turning away from your gaze huffing and pursing his lips like a grumpy child.

"Is my baby still scared?" You cooed sitting before him and cup his face in your hands staring in the beautiful electric shade of his orbs, rubbing your index finger along the flawless bridge of his tall nose.

"Hmmm," he nodded, leaning closer to feel your palms cradling his cheeks.

His stellar eyes that reflected only you in the irises of your beloved. Not many has been granted the privilege of seeing Satoru's eyes turn shades brighter and lighter with every shift of his emotions. Just like now his eyes are like the idyllic waters of Caribbean.

"What does my baby needs?" You indulge him, pulling his head above your chest.

"Hug me. Kiss me. Baby me." He shamelessly demanded. Inhaling your floral scent, and sink his face deeper to your soft chest he so loves sleeping on. Small or big spoon Satoru doesn't care it's a win-win anyway as long as he have your soft body against him he can doze off like sleeping beauty, just wake him up with a kiss, okay?

"My baby, needs snuggles?" You baby talk him, staring at him in all sympathy,

Again he nod, kissing your exposed cleavage. And look up to you with innocent puppy eyes. Irresistibly you stare down his peachy lips and dip down awarding him a peck.

"Are you still scared?"

"Hmm" he blink eyes turning sadder each second.

Hugging him, you pull down his body with you to lay on the bed, staring in each others eyes. Leaning forward you kiss him licking his peachy lower lip for permission to enter. Satoru smirked and allowed you to devour him and explore each part he has to offer, probing all his caverns you reach and play with his tongue in lazy dominance. Satoru moaned in satisfaction at your delicate care reserved for him.

Grabbing the back of your neck he push you closer, this time his turn to return salacious feverish kisses, sucking and nibbling your lips 'til they turn red and swollen.

"Baby me," he mumbled letting you gasp for oxygen and went back to kissing you 'til your head spin with Satoru's finger tugging the strap of your night dress running down to the dips of your curves. His lips lean forward in the faintest touches against your soft undraped skin leaving a trail of wet kisses and naughty bites from your neck down to the valley of your bosom.

Stroking his thick hair you moaned in satisfaction and awarded him a sweet smile.

Satoru smirked at your fluttering lashes and hazy eyes.

"Still afraid?"

"Hmm," he nod.

"Why still afraid? I'm right here." You assured him, brushing your finger above his rose dusted cheeks.

Satoru smiled and push himself above you. His other arm propped beside your head as his face enticingly hover above yours, pressing a chaste kiss on yours lips he delve deeper enveloping your full lips and get drunk in your sweet taste. Just perfect for his insatiable craving. You threw your arms around his neck pulling him down earning a growl of approval from your man. The lazy kisses turned to sloppy wet open mouths he loves earning from you—sweet and fiery— from his coquettish kitten.

"Why we're you afraid?" You whispered staring at his eyes while playing with the shell of his flushed ears.

"Just because I deal with those things everyday, doesn't mean I like seeing them," he shrug and reach upwards to drop a kiss on your forehead and pull you above him, legs tangling each other and strong arms wrapped around your waist a silent assurance he'll never let you fall.

"But why did you agree watching it with me?"

You slot your head on the spaces of his neck and press your palm above his beating heart. Sometimes, or not really—most of the times, Satoru's action doesn't make sense, the beginning and ending just doesn't match at all.

"I don't want seeing you get scared," he groaned.

Rising to see his face for any teasing, Satoru's closed eyes covered by his artic lashes met yours. Knowing he's a fussy sleeper you slowly slid down back to how you're draped above his body and snuggle close reaching up your hand to stroke his head.

You don't know if he really was scared earlier but the thought he wanted to accompany you despite not liking the movie just so you won't be afraid softened you up.

"You're such a big baby..."

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

Check out the Masterlist for more.

All rights and credits of the Jujutsu Kaisen character(s) mentioned, image(s) and song(s) used belong to their respective owner(s).

Taglist: @ice-icebaby

[highbrasshighkass]

If anyone asks, Cal decides hazily as he tries to stop the blood oozing from his shoulder, it was definitely BD-1’s fault. Cal has an encounter with more of the local wildlife on Bogano. Obviously it doesn't go well.

could it be? me finally writing another fic after lifetimes and lifetimes? anyway

[blue-girl-poems-and-photos]

On the Hook, 1/2/20

On the Hook, 1/2/20

I finished my 36 squares for the Kaleidoscope CAL this week:

Revealing the massive tower of squares!

This was taken before I finished sewing in the ends. I have now done them all!

I got them all done and dusted (including ends) last Sunday. So proud to have got them all done.

Of course then it was time to get working on part 2 again. Quite slow progress as I’ve only managed to get 8…

[kyberphilosopher]

Atonement

Requested: yes. 

Word Count: 4193 Cal must deal with the consequences of his comrades deception and injuries, while they must deal with what this means for their relationship. 

Atonement is the concept of a person taking action to correct previous wrongdoing on their part, either through direct action to undo the consequences of that act, equivalent action to do good for others, or some other expression of feelings of remorse.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*. 

Once upon a time, Anakin wasn’t all bad. But maybe that was why he died. After that, there wouldn’t have been competition for someone that was all bad, or at least somewhat worse than Anakin was alone. 

Not that Anakin was a complete and utter angel. You knew, not better than anyone but still enough, that Anakin wasn’t all good either. And sure, most people aren’t, but your Master wasn’t most people. Far more talented and powerful was he than the other Jedi Knights, but far more unhinged was he who could not control himself. Anakin was the latter. 

The other Jedi seemed to pity you. It wasn’t as if Anakin Skywalker was always inherently kind on you. You weren’t funny like Ahsoka, or respectable like Obi-Wan. In fact, Anakin had a suspicion that there was something inside of you that reminded him of his mother. Thus, he was cold. And he rarely bothered to teach in the way that people deserved to be taught. 

He doesn’t like me, you remember thinking. He never will. 

You had been the perfect padawan. You were certain you had done everything right. And yet, Anakin’s stare was icy, when he bothered to look your way at all. Where had your Master gone after the Purge anyway?

Your eyes open slowly. 

Light peels across your vision, smeared from the art of being tired. Once your lids are widened, the back of your right hand lays across your forehead lazily. You had been dreaming, hadn’t you? But what had it been about? And why did it seem so hard to remember?

Maybe it was about your Master again, you realize as you exhale. No- ex Master now. But maybe it had been about him. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

You’re a Clone Killer. 

Eyebrows crease with a twitch. You’ve laid in bed with too much comfort now. It’s time to get up. Stars, but the bed is warm and your legs are tangled in your comforter just right. When’s the next time you’ll get to feel this relaxed and sleepy?

Must’ve been the worst Padawan in history. 

“Shit,” you whisper with closed eyes. Yes, now you’re more than certain that it’s time to get up. Comfort doesn’t matter today. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The restroom door hisses to a close behind you. Rubbing the back of your neck, you begin your sluggish march to the ships deck. You can already smell Greez’s cooking wafting from around the corner. What is that? Sausage and... is that eggs?

Your pants scuff against each other, sweatshirt twisting with the reach of your arm. As the floor transitions from metal to stiff rug, you pull your chair out. 

“Ah, good morning sleepyhead,” you hear Greez’s voice call out to you. Your eyes remain sleepy, gazing down at the table. Doesn’t even look present, Cal observes as his eyes flick over your face. 

“Well, aren’t you a ray of sun today,” Dritus continues from the stove. One of his four hands flick the pan over the stove up with an explosive sizzle. “Be careful you don’t make me feel bad, so I don’t feel inclined to give you more of my food.”

“I slept in too late,” you mutter, half to yourself. 

At the other side of the table, Cal’s stocky form is hunched over. One of his hands is wrapped around a cup on the table, which is covered in cold perspiration. Soft ginger hair falls back as he looks over you. You could feel his pretty, kaleidoscope eyes from the other side of the universe. He doesn’t say anything, though, and you’re too tired to play the “What’s He Thinking About?” game right now. 

“You’re damn right you did,” the Latero says. “Cal here was just about to go and check in on you.”

You swallow quickly, glancing up at the man parallel to you. Cal is looking over at Greez, given you a clear view of his jaw and the scar that stretches over his neck. He’s beautiful. He always has been. You can feel your ears start to burn, and you look away almost immediately. 

“Thanks,” you say instead, finally pulling your hand away from your neck. Without even realizing it, your intelligent orbs look to Cal again. This time, however, your eyes meet. Electric pulses run through you, tickling from your neck to your pelvis. And, true to your nature, you brake gazes immediately. “I think I’ll skip out on breakfast today.”

“Seriously?” Greez whirls around, dumbfounded. “But... breakfast is the most important meal of the day!”

That’s true. Ever since you gained the privilege of having Greez Dritus the wanted Latero to cook for you, breakfast had been far more likeable. He always knows how to add the perfect amount of spice and flavor without coming off as overbearing. But there’s something in the back of your throat, crawling up to the tip of your tongue. A name of an old master, and the dream that you can’t remember. 

“I’m just not hungry,” you push yourself out of your stool and slide it back under the table. Cal watches your form jog down the steps and disappear into the cockpit, his lips parted and near pulling into a frown. 

“Wonder what her problem is,” Greez’s raspy voice calls into the air. 

“Let her be,” a mature female voice breaks as it rounds the corner. Cere emerges from the hallway by the stares, her watchful eyes also glued on the cockpit archway. “She’ll come around.”

Will you? Cal wonders. You’ve always been a bit tight lipped in the grand scheme of things, but today the anguish is peeling off of you like steam. You seem pale in the way that conveys sickness. The dark circles under your eyes are wise, but tired. Maybe you’re just ill. 

It’s not that far off. As you flip switches around on the console pointlessly, all you have to think about are these hands that disappointed your Master. Calloused, rough fingers. Raw palms from holding your saber. Clever, but never enough. 

You exhale through your nose, your shoulders sinking. 

Oh, that’s right. That’s what happened to your Master.

How could you have forgotten that?

“Rough night?”

You perk up at the sound of his voice, but don’t turn around. It’s not that you don’t want to look at Cal, it’s that you feel to ashamed of yourself to even try it. You don’t deserve to look upon him. 

“Just feeling sick,” you mutter so hoarse he can barely hear. 

“Is that the truth?”

Your eyes widen stiffly. One heel at a time, your feet turn around until you are facing your companion. 

Time slows as you look at Cal. His soft orange hair billows in the air conditioning, kaleidoscope eyes twinkling with wonder. The freckles, the jaw, the chapped pink lips. He is beautiful. The way he looks at you now makes you feel guiltier than usual. 

Why don’t you just tell him? Tell him you know the person who’s responsible for that scar on his stomach. Tell him you were trained by him. Tell him about your nightmare last night, how you woke up in cold sweats. But you can’t. You just can’t. 

“Yeah,” you say hoarsely, eyes glued to his. 

Cal steps forward suddenly, almost losing his balance. His soft, pink lips come dangerously close to yours. You can smell his scent, turning your jaw to meet him instinctively. But it was just an accident. 

He steps away to regain his balance. The only sound in the room is that of the air vents. 

He wasn’t going to kiss you. 

Cal stays still, firm. “I hope you feel better,” he says in the same tone as before, though far more sincere. 

And he turns away and walks out of the room, leaving you alone with only the air to comfort you.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The leaves crunch under boots as they do. Twigs snap, pebbles crumble. Dirt scuffs against each shoe. 

Above you, the Kashyyyk trees whisper in the wind, allowing pools of sunlight to fall in between the loose spaces of green. The breeze tickles at the skin on your arms. It’s a nice day. But this is still not enough to improve the sick feeling in your stomach. 

Maybe you really were just a failure of a padawan after all. 

“Hey,” the boy beside you calls. “Look up there.”

You raise your head, squinting through the thin, rainbow rays of sun. Up ahead of you, over a steep drop that could be anything from a river to an abyss, is a great mechanical building. It’s sleek and gray, standing out against the natural beauty. This itself is enough proof of Imperial presence. 

“I thought they would’ve left by now,” you mutter, slightly in awe. Birds fly over the fort as if it didn’t bother them for a second, and the waterfall nearby doesn’t cease its babbling. “Why haven’t they left by now?”

“Only one way to find out,” Cal tells you after some seconds of silence. 

Something rushes through the air then- a gust of wind that only you seem to feel. It’s haunting and low, like it has it’s own voice or musical theme of doom. It’s almost impossible to tell whether it’s a warning, a promise, or some kind of mockery, but it feels dark. More importantly, it feels like a message. But Cal doesn’t move a muscle. Only his orange locks billow in time with his lashes, which close slowly. 

“Wait,” you break the quiet. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

The boys eyes are furrowed when his head turns to you. His pale green eyes flash briefly in the sunlight, but the twinkle of confusion and curiosity remain after the flash disappears. “Why not?”

The rush of wind slows until you can barely feel it anymore. The words are on the tip of your dried up tongue, but you’re not even sure what they are. What can you say to explain your... your fear? It’s more than just intuition or a gut feeling. It’s something you know for a fact, and you have the evidence, but you can’t even hold it. 

“It’s dangerous,” you decide, your bottom lip shaking too quick to notice. You say it almost casually, almost as if it were obvious. And of course, it is. Thus the flaw in your attempt. 

“Most things are,” Cal replies. 

Just then, the pitter pattering of little metal feet tap against the dirt and mulch comes to life. It completely cuts away what little presence the ominous air had left, only allowing BD-1′s happy little whirs to clearly ring through. 

Cal’s hands rest on his hips as he turns his head to look at his partner. He squats to the ground with his little calm smile. “Would it make you feel better if I sent BD to scout ahead?”

It wouldn’t at all. All you can think about instead is your little scrapped friend getting his sliced clean off with a long, red blade. Cal wouldn’t even be able to fix him. 

“BD, go on ahead,” Cal tells the machine. He scratches along BD’s head for encouragement, and the creature doesn’t even seemed miffed before hopping off into the leaves and trees until he’s completely out of sight. 

“I don’t- I don’t think-” your hands ball to fists at your sides. A lump forms in your throat like an invisible bubble, or a heavy ball clogging your airway. 

“Y/N?” Cal’s brows furrow once more as he twists and stands again. “You look pale.”

Another wave of wind flows through. It’s the same as before- cold, threatening, filled with something angry and sad and warning you to never have to feel it for real. However, your partner feels it this time too. 

His eyes leave yours and drop to the ground behind him as he twists in concern, looking around for whatever could be the cause. Subconsciously, his right hand lifts from his side to the right side of his ribs. Your eyes widen in understanding, but you wish so badly it was anything but that. 

“Do you feel that?” Cal calls out to you, still trying to locate the presence that doesn’t even exist. 

Yes, you think as you watch the boys other hand slip over his saber. I feel it. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Anakin wasn’t always evil. Whether or not he’s even evil now is up for debate. But for as long as you knew him, in your eyes at least, he was your hero. Not because he helped you, which he didn’t, or because he wanted the best for you, which he didn’t care about. But because he was strong, and someone to look up to. He’s the knight in shining armor that every little boy wants to be like when they grow up, and the warrior every feminist wants to be equal to. Anakin Skywalker was, by all means, a dream. 

So then why is this the worst you’ve ever felt?

“Master?” your voice wheezes out. There’s a storm all around you, a personal tornado for the three of you that makes everything but roaring hard to hear. Rapid blinking helps to keep the dust from your eyes every few seconds, but not enough. It’s starting to sting.

“Stop,” you hear another voice say, but it’s muffled with chokes. “Stop...”

This isn’t Anakin. This is a man of metal- obsidian and iron and cooled magma. There’s not a single inch of flesh showing. The cape, whipping wildly in the wind, is the closest thing to organic. It’s tattered, and the wind gives the illusion of it bleeding away like inky smoke.

“Join me,” False Anakin calls. His fist clenched with determination, a red glow brightening up the area. “Serve your master.”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

And from Cal’s position, you just look plain pretty. Kind of distraught, with faded eyes and slightly knitted brows paired with a frown. Your hair is sort of billowing in time with the storm around you, along side that weapon on your belt. Really, you look sad. 

Cal’s fingers dig into the dirt and sand beneath his body. His whole form feels like it’s going to rip away into dust, like Vader doesn’t want him there. And of course, he doesn’t. He hasn’t even given Cal a glance. That being said, his whole stomach feels entirely enflamed. Especially that one special place where he’d felt Vader’s touch before. Now Cal knows that you must’ve been touched by him as well. It’s the worst feeling in the world. 

“Don’t,” he chokes. Cal gets a mouthful of dirt in the process, but he doesn’t even register it. “Y/N-”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

“-will come back from this.”

Your eyes open. They feel stiff and dry, like how you imagine a mummy’s would. The light over head is blinding and white, with flecks of rainbow bouncing off it at the sharper edges. You do not react in any way. 

Internal bleeding of the stomach, one impalement scar on your right side. There is a long, long series of blisters and torn skin across your shoulder from being tossed and dragged across the ground. Then there’s the slit over your left eye which makes it impossible to open. You might as well have lost it. 

Some people would’ve been happy to just be alive. Fighting Darth Vader? Fighting Anakin Skywalker? And surviving it? Well, not everyone gets that privilege. But for some reason the appreciation isn’t coming to you. Maybe you should’ve died back then as some kind of last apology. 

“I know they will.”

You hear footsteps from beyond the doorway become more and more faint, until you can’t even hear them at all. The metal door hisses open. There’s a few footsteps against the floor, then a sharp pause. 

Your head rolls to your right lazily. A young man stands before you. A cute redhead with a broad chest and wide, shocked pale green eyes. Underneath them are mauve rings- dark circles and bags- and chapped pink lips. 

Cal opens his mouth to speak, and then spins around. With the flick of your wounded fingers, the entrance to the room closes and seals itself shut with a click. The cute redhead is still, his back away from you. 

Maybe because of the loss of some other senses, your Jedi one’s have heightened. The intuition inside of you is reading his color- his entire aura- something you could’ve sworn you weren’t able to do before. There’s so much anxiety from him. Enough to make up from the lack of anxiety you have right about now. 

“You’re awake,” he speaks. You can sense his voice about to crack. “I should tell the others.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cal,” your raspy voice croaks. “Don’t be fucking stupid.”

He turns around to look at you, one foot at a time. His eyes are downturned tiredly, but mostly from sadness. The corners of his lips are annoyed from your words. “You’ve been asleep for two weeks,” Cal says. “Didn’t know if you were coming back.”

You don’t say anything.

His use of the words ‘coming back’ sting. Just two simple words, which to you feel like they mean something far more deep and sinister. Almost as sinister as yourself. 

“Are you okay?” he proceeds to question, though you both know it’s just out of politeness. 

“I can’t see out of my eye.”

“Do you know why?”

You don’t move. You’re quiet yet again. 

Cal’s voice raises frustratingly. “Do you know why? You let someone put a lightsaber to your face just so you could smash in their helmet!”

“I don’t remember that.”

“He stabbed you in your stomach!”

Cal’s never raised his voice at you before. You wish you were more upset about it. His tone alone is enough to make a sinking weight appear in the pit of your stomach. But you can’t cry. You can barely feel anything but both relief and emptiness. Not once in those two weeks did you dream about either Anakin, or Vader. 

“I watched him pick you up and slam you on the ground! I watched you die about a million times out there!”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” you mutter hoarsely. And you mean that, too. 

“I thought that...”

Don’t. Don’t tell him. 

“I thought that I was going to hurt you.”

Silence fills the room from corner to corner. Even whatever air that once came from the vents has come to a complete halt. Maybe every system in the galaxy has stopped its turn. 

“What?” Cal asks, now much softer. He takes a gentle step towards you, his eyes desperately locked to your own.

You glance down before back to him. “I was his apprentice before the purge. Don’t ask Cere about it- he never talked about me. I doubt there was even paperwork to confirm it. I thought this was coming but... I wasn’t sure.”

Cal takes another step forward. 

“He never liked me. And then on Kashyyyk... he...” You swallow down the shame for a moment. “He told me he wanted me to be his apprentice again. For real this time.”

“So you fought him,” Cal partially pieces together. 

You swallow again and look down to your hands. 

“Cal, I fought him because I wanted to go with him. I saw my- I saw the future he was talking about. It was good for me. I was happy... sort of.”

He’s finally close enough to sit on the end of the bench that you didn’t even process lying on. There’s concern in his eyes as he listens, and he doesn’t dare take them off your face. It makes you feel like even more of a coward. 

“But I didn’t see you there, too. I didn’t see anyone there. I thought maybe I... I thought maybe I had killed you.”

Cal opens his parched lips slightly, and then closes them. 

“And I really don’t want to kill you.”

Cal looks away. From here, sitting up slightly so you didn’t choke in your sleep, you can make out freckles on his neck. They stretch over his tendons, across his jawline. They’ll no doubt stretch over that scar from his jaw down on the other side. His long lashes move as he blinks. His hair looks softer than ever. 

“After the battle I carried you away. After it was done you just... looked at me. And then you collapsed, and I had to carry you.”

Silence. 

Cal gets up. 

“Cal?” you call, louder than you meant. 

The boy turns back to look at you. 

“I...”

Is he prettier than before?

“Do you hate me?”

Cal creases his brows. 

“Do you... are you going to talk to me again?”

He opens his mouth, but you don’t let him speak. 

“Don’t say it, if you don’t mean it. I was trained by the most dangerous person in the galaxy. By your biggest enemy. I... lied to you about it. I almost killed you, Cal. You can hate me.”

“Do you think I hate you?”

Your eye squints, and finally it glosses over as it wells with tears. “Yeah.”

Cal Kestis. Man of your dreams. Hero of everything. Angel of infinity. Please, don’t hate me. You have every right to, I know. But please- please don’t. 

“I don’t think I could ever hate you,” he finally whispers, looking down at the floor. “Maybe you should’ve told me, but... I think deep down I already knew.”

A questioning look appears over your features, but Cal answers before you can ask. “You’d been acting off for weeks, Y/N. Those nightmares were about Vader, weren’t they.”

“Yeah. They were... Do you... think of me any differently?”

Please. 

“...No. I don’t know if I could ever do that to you.”

“I couldn’t think of you differently either,” you say after a moment. You throat is getting scratchy, but it’s hard to care. 

“I care about you, Y/N,” he tells you, sincere but calm. “You know that don’t you?”

“You wouldn’t have carried me if you didn’t care, Cal.”

“Y/N on the morning of this whole thing I wanted to kiss you,” he snaps, his hands limply swinging with urgency. “I should’ve kissed you.”

So many emotions in one conversation. 

“You can still kiss me now that I’m clean with you.”

Cal looks at you for a long time, his tired, bright eyes searching for something in your stillness. Then he looks down. 

“It’s okay, Cal. It’s part of my atonement.”

He looks at you for a long time again. The corner of his lips twitch upwards for just a second. It puts you at ease somewhat, with a warm feeling spreading in your stomach finally. 

“You’ve got nothing to atone for,” Cal says. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Y/N.”

You have nothing to say. No words come to your dry tongue, although your lips hang open like something will come out. Nothing does. You just look at your redhead, who’s tired and distraught, but has more clarity and love than he ever has in his entire life. He won’t raise his voice to you again. 

Your palm dances again as you look to away. The door finally opens again, and Cal forgot that you had initially even caged him in here. 

“You can go now.”

It’s quiet. You can hear shuffling, slow footsteps like maybe he doesn’t want to leave. “Can I kiss you when I get back?”

Even while looking at the wall right next to you, your face goes hot and pink. 

“Maybe,” your husky voice answers. And when you turn to look back at him, he’s already looking at you with a genuine smile like a little boy getting a big present that they can’t believe. That’s how he sees it, anyway. 

“I don’t hate you, Y/N,” he suddenly says. “I could never hate you.”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Idk if I’m happy with this or not? I ran into a bunch of writers block with this I don’t know why. Sorry it took so long to put out anyway. I also might change it to better fit the request because that’s really the most important thing to me and with finishing it after literal months I might’ve lost sight of the whole point. Idk though. Cal is a cutie. 

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