#the ivy league is a fake!!!!! they’re assholes

[terrainofheartfelt]

Okay so the thing that bothers me about this professor at yale in “incredible sinking lorelais” is like….what are you mad about? what point are you trying to prove? Like, as an educator in liberal arts and humanities, shouldn’t he be pleased that a student demonstrated the ability to synthesize and compare and contrast seemingly separate topics? it’s not “avoiding research” it’s being able to draw connections, if it’s well supported, then why would that be a bad thing? like, that’s the critical analytical thinking that the ivies should be all about promoting? but no? you gotta be rude bc she didn’t cite an article from your journal? fuck off.

[wasabi-gumdrop]

thinking about modern au Kabru

ivy league college student, probably studying law and political science on a full scholarship. first time living away from Milsiril so he has to promise her, yes mom i’ll call you at least four times a week, no mom i don’t need your amex black card, yes mom the normal credit card is fine i need to learn how to budget like a Normal Person (it has a limit of $20k — that’s not normal Kabru).

Milsiril insists for a long time that she’ll just get him a house off campus so he can have his own space (aka a place she can drop by anytime and possibly live a few months out of the year just to be close to him) but Kabru puts his foot down and tells her the best way he’s gonna make friends is by living with other students (bye mom).

his floor in the coed dorms is the party floor and he always makes sure to invite everybody (his nightmare is accidentally leaving anyone out and having them think that he doesn’t like them). somehow it’s always a good time, everyone leaves with more friends than they came with, it never gets totally out of control, and plenty of girls who are interested in him (and a lot of guys too tbh) bring tons of baked treats so there’s always free food. Kabru is the RA’s favourite person to have in the building (even though Kabru himself is messy but most of the people he’s friends with are nice and clean up after themselves).

he has a porsche (Milsiril gift for his 16th bday) but he’s adamant about not driving it unless he absolutely has to (because he doesn’t wanna look like a douche). BUT he never says no when his friends ask for rides (so he ends up driving all the time anyway). he actually contemplates selling the porsche and going for a more practical car but Mickbell is like ‘dude you are not taking this away from me.’ Kabru sighs and decides to keep it because his friends (Mickbell) like being chauffeured around in a fancy convertible (Rin, Holm, and Dia don’t care, they’re just glad they don’t have to walk to the grocery store).

he’s probably on a casual texting basis with most of his professors and you know he’s going to all their office hours, grabbing beer with them just to keep chatting about life outside of school. and that’s how he winds up in some super secret faculty group chat where he’s now privy to all the college administration gossip.

Kabru is elected for student council during his freshman year and he’s probably the favourite to be sc president one day.

he doesn’t really date (gets too in his head about how he doesn’t wanna ruin any friendships) but he does hang out one on one with a lot of girls and treats them all really well. he probably goes so far out of his way to be platonic that he flies a little too close to the ‘Just Like One of the Girlies’ sun, he kinda forgets that most people interpret it as flirting coming from him. which leads to a few awkward conversations. people feeling led on, a few angry jealous boyfriends, scathing dms about him being a girl stealing homewrecker.

it’s such a nightmare for him and he needs it to end right now. so he begs Rin to ‘date’ him for a week or two and then publicly dump him just so the entire student body gets the message that he is Just A Friend.

Rin stares at him for a few seconds. then she laughs. she laughs and laughs. she laughs for a crazy long time. and then eventually she goes, ‘wow you’re an asshole, Kabru. no i won’t be your fake girlfriend. you’re gonna suffer and i’m going to enjoy it.’

and that’s when Kabru has a moment of enlightenment. ok yeah. asking for that is probably really selfish and mean. maybe he needs to think about girls’ feelings more and that’s maybe more important than his deep seated need to be liked, and when has Rin ever been wrong about anything.

he apologizes. and so begins one of the more serious talks he’s ever had with Rin about being okay with not being liked.

he thinks he can really turn over a new leaf. the whole ‘not worrying about what other people think’ thing goes pretty well — up until Kabru meets the aloof professor for his Monsters and Myths class who keeps forgetting and mispronouncing his name.

Kabru has never needed someone to like him So Bad, he needs Prof. Touden to like him as a matter of life and death, and he’s willing to look stupid for it (fails a midterm on purpose to justify begging for one on one tutoring)

[klarolinelibrary]

Hi KC Readers, 

Happy Friday! 

We have another weekly releases for you to check out. The stories below were updated during the week of April 17 - April 23. 

Grab a snack and drink, then dive right into the new stories and reimagined characters of Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes!

FFN

Klaus POV - The Trouble with Spells (Chapter 21)

Author: ilovetf

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: I think the title is self explanatory. The Trouble with Spells as seen through Klaus's eyes and his POV. Over the years, people kept liking this story and some even asked for Klaus POV, so I decided to give it a try. Hope you enjoy it. All feedback is more than welcome. Good or bad.

Date of update: April 17 2021

SKULLS (Chapter 9)

Author: Lovely Vero

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Vampiro and El Diablo, aka: Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson, heads of the bikers SKULLS are fighting Gabriel Desperaldo, aka: El escorpión - head of the Spanish mafia - and his human trafficking in their city of Los Alamos in New Mexico. Never in a million years, did they imagine that the love of two captured women would change their life forever.

Date of update: April 17 2021

In the shelter of your light (Chapter 3)

Author: Clarity23

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline expected to face some challenges when she decided to foster a teenage girl. But she did not expect that the girl's older, annoyingly handsome brother would be in the picture as well. AU

Date of update: April 17 2021

Everything and anything for you (Chapter 13)

Author: thelibrarianofalexandria

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: She had it all planned ahead. Graduate early, go to an Ivy League college, make her dreams come true. However, she has to change it a little when her whole life is thrown upside down and a handsome original takes an interest in her, the younger, shy, sister of Caroline Forbes.

Date of update: April 20 2021

You can't run from your past (Chapter 2)

Author: CookieDuo

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline Forbes is an FBI agent with secrets. Three years ago she fell in love with a target before she helped put him behind bars, and she faked her own death. Now he's escaped from prison and he's learned the truth, about who she is and the secret she's been keeping since he got sent away. Now she has to run, but he's determined to catch her. And he always gets what he wants.

Date of update: April 20 2021

Take on the world

Author: Logan27

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Starts near the end of 4x14 (I would rewatch that episode up until Klaus comes out onto the porch just for a refresher). Caroline makes a life altering decision and takes a big chance in order to move forward, heal and discover.

Date of update: April 21 2021

A Failed Sacrifice (Chapter 4)

Author: CookieDuo

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: She ruined the sacrifice to save her own life, and in order to survive she turned to the only other vampire who'd been able to survive the wrath of Klaus Mikaelson. She gets away, and learns from the master, but when Klaus eventually catches up to her, her life will never be the same again.

Date of update: April 23 2021

AO3

Step Up Or Step Out

Author: ThrowMeAStory

Rating: E

Length: One shot

Summary: 4x16 au, Part 7. For Caroline it's been a long time coming.

Date of update: April 17 2021

no goodbyes (Chapter 9)

Author: deadofwrite (dead_of_write)

Rating: E

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: “Last night shouldn’t have happened,” Caroline whispered. Guilt. Shame. Regret.It was all the emotions he feared. And it was written all over her face. aka. a college/cheating au

Date of update: April 17 2021

Turned Off or Turned On?

Author: Anonymous

Rating: E

Length: Drabble

Summary: Caroline-that-has-flipped-the-switch seeks out one Klaus Mikaelson. Deep down Caroline knew that seeking him out was wrong on so many levels, he had been responsible for so much death and destruction, but that didn’t stop her. Truthfully, it made her want to go to him more, now that her emotions had been turned off. There was nothing from keeping her from having him. Had she had them switched on it was doubtful she even would have gone out of the door, she would have just wistfully thought about going instead. Thinking about what might have been.

Date of update: April 17 2021

One of a Kind, Two of a Kind, or the Three Musketeers (Chapter 10)

Author: Phandancee74

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline recognizes how hard it is for Elena to be a doppelgänger, her fate predestined as well as her face. It's pretty tough being the last of your kind too though, and Caroline is determined to protect them both, with some very helpful Bennetts on their side. A fic that integrates Malivore and the larger supernatural universe into TVD from the start.

Date of update: April 17 2021

A Blonde, A Brit, and A Baby (Chapter 3)

Author: Books4eva180

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline Forbes life is right on schedule for her Twenty-Year plan that she created at 16 years old: at 23 years old she is a junior editor at a magazine company in NYC and she has fantastic friends; one of whom is about to get to married. Life couldn't be more perfect or at least that was until she slept with a British asshole. What was only supposed to be a one night stand has turned into a life changing night because Caroline is now pregnant. Klaus Mikaelson has always enjoyed the simple things in life. Bourbon, art, and an endless stream of girls who are more than willing to fall into his bed. This all changes when he is forced to move to America to join his father's law company and he isn't even really his father. Then to make matters worse he ends up sleeping with a girl and even worse she ends up pregnant. Forced together in a situation that neither of them could have planned for will feelings blossom (yes they definitely will) Will Caroline be able to handle this life changing event? Will Klaus be able to escape the demons from his past? Will the both of them be able to provide a happy and healthy home for their baby?

Date of update: April 18 2021

Darkness Becomes Thee

Author: BelleMorte180

Rating: E

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Austria 1300s When Klaus met a young girl on a riverbank, he knew that he would one day come back for her. When he looked into her bright blue eyes, he could see a reflection of his own soul, a darkness that lingered inside both of them. When the young girl turned into a beautiful woman with a thirst for blood, his fascination with her turns into obsession. He wants not only her loyalty but her eternity, a possessiveness that is equally returned. or my "Caroline is the serial killer Elizabeth Bathory" au.

Date of update: April 18 2021

Reunited (Chapter 13)

Author: CandyCane1287

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Set after 5x12 TVD, where Caroline confesses what she did with Klaus to Katherine and Tyler hears. Katherine reveals that she’s dying and knows of a witch that could help her. But the witch is in New Orleans and that’s where Elijah and Klaus. Baby included but nice Hayley doesn't stick around. Also, Elena is supportive here.

Date of update: April 18 2021

A smutty anniversary (Chapter 6)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: E

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline and Klaus celebrate 3 months together with a day full of smut.

Date of update: April 18 2021

american dream prom queen

Author: trashcanbarbie

Rating: T

Length: Drabble

Summary: “What would they say, if they knew you were here, on my birthday doing something almost…” she trails off, because she doesn't know the word. “Nice?” he suggests, then grins like a wolf, “They’d roll in their graves, my siblings.” “They're not dead.” He grins, and Caroline feels as if he’s laughing at a private joke when he says, “Aren't they?”

Date of update: April 19 2021

We are young (Chapter 12)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: T

Length: One shot

Summary: Basically, Klaroline flirt in front of their kids who they are barely older than, and Landon is appropriately confused.

Date of update: April 19 2021

Nowhere Else To Go (Chapter 2)

Author: NerdyNostalgia

Rating: G

Length: Drabble

Summary: Klaus has an unexpected visitor while in New Orleans and is determined to show her a good time. He isn't going to let this chance pass him by, and if it means he and Caroline get closer...well, that was a bonus. But is Marcel planning something?

Date of update: April 19 2021

Part of Your World

Author: perfectpro

Rating: G

Length: One shot

Summary: After trading the loveliest thing she possessed to a sea witch in order to walk on land, Caroline realizes that she'd accidentally bargained her voice away. Human legs shouldn't always feel this sort of pain, should they? With only a week to go before the spell wears off, the bargain can be undone entirely with true love's first kiss. The only problem is... Who falls in love in less than a week?

Date of update: April 19 2021

I Don’t Want You To Die

Author: klarolinexluv

Rating: E

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary:

Date of update: April 19 2021

Sibling Rivalry (Chapter 9)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: In which Klaus and Rebekah are both bi, their taste in men and women overlaps infuriatingly often, and they argue over their newest shared interest. Edit: This is going to be a full series now, I love it so much. Edit 2: Oops, I dropped a whole bucket of angst on Caroline's backstory. If only there were some Mikaelsons willing to help her work through it...

Date of update: April 20 2021

What Could Have Been (Chapter 37)

Author: TNaPKI

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: My impression of what Season 6 of The Originals would have been like post 5x13 where Klaroline becomes endgame. Is Klaus really gone or is there more to the story? Find out! FINAL CHAPTER out in a month!

Date of update: April 20 2021

The Salvatore Sisters (Chapter 19)

Author: 1Jemmagirl22

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline and Davina Salvatore are Stefan and Damon's younger sister's, and they are far more than meets the eye. When Stefan and Damon's younger sisters show up during the beginning of season 2, what could possibly go wrong. The Salvatore girls have a dark past littered with their brother's enemies, the same enemies that just so happen to be their family. With Mikaelson's as husbands, miracle powers that could crush a Bennet witch, and whole life their brothers never knew about just how much have can these sisters and their family cause.

Date of update: April 21 2021

YOU ARE NOT HERE

Author: wincefish16

Rating: T

Length: Drabble

Summary: PROMT - HUMAN. KLAROLINE LOVED EAC OTHER, HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE CAROLINE IS THE ARTIST AND KLAUS IS A LAWYER. THEY HAVE AN ACCIDENT AND CAROLINE SLIPS IN A COMA. SHE IS LIKE THAT FOR 1 YEAR. KLAUS , AS A TRIBUTE TO HER STARTS PAINTING. DOES HE FALL INTO NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

Date of update: April 21 2021

Compromise Coffee (Chapter 3)

Author: BelleMorte180

Rating: E

Length: One shot

Summary: Caroline Forbes has a coffee problem; or better described as a crush on the cute barista, Klaus, who knows how to make her large, non-fat latte with a caramel drizzle and two extra espresso shots just right. After years of coming to Compromise Coffee, Caroline thought he would have made a move by now, but he hasn't. Caroline has decided that it is time for her to make the move herself.

Date of update: April 22 2021

Soulmate visions (Chapter 4)

Author: kcatdino

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: On your soulmate's eighteenth birthday, you see through their eyes for an hour, but they don’t know. And if your soulmate turns eighteen before you are even born, you never get a vision. Klaus gets his soulmate vision right after he orders Tyler to bite Caroline on her birthday….

Date of update: April 22 2021

Give Me A Sign (Chapter 6)

Author: PumpkinDoodles

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Caroline Forbes is happy that she left founders' parties, competition over guys she'd known since elementary school, and even Mystic Falls itself behind years ago. She's not second-best to Elena anymore. Even Liz would be proud of her new life working on the side of the law. Mostly. (If you need to compel someone into giving up stolen goods, is it really a crime?) Of course he's the one person from her past who comes looking for her. Klaus does that.

Date of update: April 22 2021

Secrets Inside Us

Author: 1Jemmagirl22

Rating: T

Length: Drabble

Summary: Klaroline as actors falling in love on set.

Date of update: April 23 2021

Destination Wedding (Chapter 2)

Author: PumpkinDoodles

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: The first rule of going to your ex's wedding is 'make sure you look good,' but Caroline's seriously worried that this British Guy is going to make her late. And she cannot be late to Rebekah Mikaelson and Matt Donovan's wedding at a Virginia winery.

Date of update: April 23 2021

There Is Nothing I Would Not Do

Author: ThrowMeAStory

Rating: M

Length: Drabble

Summary: 4x16 au, Part 8. Caroline and Bonnie reconnect.

Date of update: April 23 2021

Cloud 9: A Collection of Klaroline Fusions and Crossovers (Chapter 10)

Author: klarolineagainnaturally

Rating: G

Length: One shot

Summary: Various fusions and crossovers with Klaus and Caroline including Much Ado About Nothing, Ready or Not, and Tangled!

Date of update: April 23 2021

FFN/AO3

FFN: The Traitor and the Coward (Chapter 5)

AO3: The Traitor and the Coward (Chapter 5)

Author: Uppity Bitch

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Klaroline AU supernatural multi-chap - Original!Caroline has spent lifetimes running from her lover and his family. Despite the centuries of loneliness, she regrets nothing. Soon, she'll bring an end to this madness. Or bring the madness full circle.

Date of update: April 17 2021

FFN: Heartless to Heartfelt, Redone (Chapter 10)

AO3: Heartless to Heartfelt (Chapter 13)

Author: SmallTimeWriter

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: Daggered and buried deep within the ocean, Klaus has spent the last 9 years in a torturous state. Haunted by memories of the past and images of a child he never got to meet. Now awakened, but not the same. He is faced with a decision, can he forgive those who wronged him when a threat larger then they could anticipate appears? They must reunited to survive. All Main Characters.

Date of update: April 18 2021

FFN: Divine Intervention (Chapter 13)

AO3: Divine Intervention (Chapter 13)

Author: Uppity Bitch

Rating: M

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: This takes place in an alternate universe after Klaus seeks assistance from a certain blonde Norse goddess after Katerina has become a vampire and foiled his attempt at breaking his curse. Later chapters will follow this spicy "power" couple as they stir up all kinds of trouble in Mystic Falls. (Dark Klaroline) *Nominated for 2016 Klaroline Award - Best Original Story Concept

Date of update: April 19 2021

FFN: A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 154)

AO3:  A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 154)

Author: Uppity Bitch

Rating: M

Length: One Shot

Summary: A collection of random AU one-shots featuring Klaroline. *2019 KC Award - Best one-shot series* Chapter 154: Dimples and Domestics. The Mikaelsons are spoiled, selfish snobs — and unfortunately are art student Caroline and her parents' main source of income. At least she only has to put up with them over her summer break...

Date of update: April 21 2021

FFN: Through his eyes (Chapter 6)

AO3: Through his eyes (Chapter 6)

Author: TheAlllureOfDarkness

Rating: T

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: The story of Klaus and Caroline, from Klaus POV.

Date of update: April 21 2021

FFN: Judgment Call (Chapter 5)

AO3: Judgment Call (Chapter 5)

Author: Eliliyah

Rating: T/G

Length: Multi Chapter

Summary: As a Federal Agent, Caroline Forbes has always lived by a strict moral code. But when new evidence comes to light that Klaus Mikaelson, the first man she helped send to death row, may not be guilty hours before his execution, she begins to question everything she's ever known. As the investigation leads to the heartbreaking truth, she's forced to choose between right and just.

Date of update: April 23 2021

[let-it-raines]

Prompt: this was supposed to be a low key first date, but now I’ve gone and injured myself (hiking?) so will you please take me to the hospital?

on ao3 | here |

word count: ~ 4800

-/-

When Emma agreed to go on a date with David’s friend from the office, she figured it would be to a mediocre restaurant where the lighting was a little too dim and the price a little too expensive for the food that was a little too small. That’s how the past few of her dates have gone, besides the one guy who took her to McDonalds. She didn’t know what to think of that. At first, she thought it was a little weird, but she didn’t really mind since sometimes she does want to clog her arteries with their fries. Then, though, she found out that he was testing to see if she was “uptight” and she ended that. Anyone who tests a woman on a date, no matter their reasons, is an asshole.

She is tired of dealing with assholes.

A part of her thinks Killian Jones may be one.

She’s met him a few times, but it’s never been anything significant. It’s been a “hello” at a barbecue, a “how are you” as they pass at a bar, a nod from across the street when they happen to be in downtown Boston at the same time. That’s not exactly a small place, but they frequent the same bars because she goes where David goes and David goes where the rest of the financial advisors in his office go. So, they do end up around each other, and she’s observed him from afar. He nearly always has a smile on his face as he charms a woman, usually a tall brunette that looks a hell of a lot like Ruby, and she’s gathered that he’s funny enough to make them all laugh. That, or they all fake it because he’s attractive and makes good money and they want to get into his pants. If she saw him at a bar and had never heard of him before, she’d probably want the same.

But she’s not at a bar or at that classic mediocre restaurant. She’s waiting in her car in the parking lot of World’s End, a park outside the city where you can do anything from horseback riding to skiing to kayaking to hiking. She’s in a pair of black running shorts, a tank top that’s knotted at the small of her back, and her worn-out running shoes that she doesn’t actually use to run. She’s already rubbed herself down with sunscreen, has her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and she’s got her largest water bottle filled with ice water. She’s totally going to have to pee halfway through this hike, and that’s going to make a great impression.

Emma doesn’t really care about impressing Killian Jones, though. She only agreed to this date because David (mostly Mary Margaret who has bugged her about it at every training session and every dinner they’ve shared) has been trying to set them up for months now. It was getting to the point where Emma was pretty sure she was going to walk into her gym or her apartment and the man was going to be sitting there. To keep that creepy as hell thing from happening, she’s here now, getting ready to sweat her ass off on her day off from training and helping other people train. She always works Saturdays, and she can’t believe she’s using a free day for this.

An SUV pulls up next to her, so she flips her mirror down to make sure her makeup or hair isn’t out of place. It’s not, and when she flips her mirror up, she sees Killian Jones just outside her car window, smirk already stretched across his lips.

“Hello there, Swan,” he greets as she steps outside. “You look lovely.”

She glances him up and down, taking in the fitted gym shorts, gray t-shirt and similarly worn sneakers. He’s got a Sox cap on, but if she had to guess, he probably spent a long time fixing up his hair before this. “Same to you.”

Silence falls between them, and Emma shuffles her feet. She’s not exactly great at small talk, always feeling like it’s stupid to have to talk about the weather when there’s nothing else to talk about, but Killian quickly nods his head toward the trail entrance. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Emma bites her tongue at her stupid-ass answer, and iron fills her mouth.

She’s starting to wish she was at a mediocre restaurant instead. At least then she’d get food.

“So, David told me you’re a personal trainer, so I know you already spend a lot of time exercising. I figured you wouldn’t mind this, though. It’ll only be around five miles. I didn’t plan on it being so bloody hot, though.”

“Well, if all else fails, we can jump into the water to cool off.”

“You make a good point, love.”

Killian guides the small talk – thank God – as they work their way up the trail. He tells her that he got into being a financial advisor because he screwed up in university by getting a degree in finance despite hating it. He’s good with numbers, though, even better with people, and most of his job is about convincing people to trust him. It was the only job he was qualified to have after graduation that wouldn’t require more overpriced schooling, and since he wanted to stay in the country, he had to take whatever was given to him. Six years later, he doesn’t love his job, but he doesn’t hate it.

“So, you came to America to go to a big, fancy, stuck-up Ivy League school, picked a major that you hate, and now you con people into letting you handle their money?”

“It’s not a con.”

Emma pinches her brows together. “Sure.”

“Well, half of your job is convincing people they need help reaching their fitness goals when they could do it on their own.”

“I’m going to go ahead and guess you have never had a personal trainer if that’s all you think we do.”

His forehead wrinkles when his brows lift, and he holds his hands out. “Do I look like I need one?”

Cocky asshole.

Emma hums, pretends to study him, before gently reaching over and patting his stomach. It’s firm, but she doesn’t have to admit that. “I would say there’s definitely some room for improvement there.”

His head tilts back with laughter, his blue eyes closing, and he shakes his head and starts jogging ahead of her. “Hope you can keep up, Swan,” he jokes, his speed getting faster and faster, and Emma quickly runs after him. She’s not a runner. She hates it more than she hates black coffee – which is a hell of a lot – so she only does it if Ruby forces her to do it or if she has to do it with a client. She’s more of a Pilates, cycling, boxing, anything-other-than-running kind of girl. Killian is obviously a runner from the way he moves with ease, his stride nearly perfect, and she knows he’s going slow on purpose to allow her time to catch up.

“You’re an asshole,” she yells out, laughing despite herself, as she gets a little closer to him. The bastard starts full-out sprinting, and she’s left catching her breath as she runs after him. Yep, running is definitely still a bitch, and the other people on the trail are staring at the two of them as Emma chases after Killian. She nearly calls him a “fucking bastard” out loud before she remembers there are children around. That would have been extra shitty on her part, especially since she already called him an asshole.

“Catch me if you can,” he teases, glancing back to look at her, bright smile on his face, and yep, he is a full-out runner. He can speak without gasping for breath, and she’s struggling.

She still hasn’t caught up.

Emma sucks in a deep breath, clutches her water bottle in her hand, and sprints as fast as she can, adrenaline pumping through her veins and her heart pounding. She’s almost there, Killian just out of her range, and it happens before she can stop it.

A rock catches underneath her shoe, twisting her ankle into an unnatural position, and she starts falling to the side before she can stop herself. Emma tries to catch herself, sticking her arm out to keep her face from hitting the ground, and while she does manage that, she knows her arm is going to be a killer tomorrow.

Not as much as her ankle.

“Shit,” she hisses out, rocking backward and reaching for her ankle, but it stings and aches and any possible bad word out there, it does. “Shit, shit, shiiiiit.”

Tears fill her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. It has to be a sprain and only a sprain, but she’s not stupid or stubborn enough to try to get up on her own. Emma gently lays her foot down, not moving her ankle if she can help it, and shakes out her right arm as she looks up to see Killian slowly coming to a stop in front of her, squatting down until they’re almost eye level.

“Are you okay?” he gasps, scanning her face as if that’s what she hurt.

“Oh, I’m just dandy,” Emma mocks. She’d really like to punch him in the face, right across those pretty teeth. This is his fault. He shouldn’t have started running. He’s not even sweeting. She hates him. “This is the best I’ve ever been.”

“I’m so sorry, love.”

“Not your fault,” she says, even though two seconds ago she was blaming him. She still kind of is, but her ankle is throbbing so much that she can’t think straight. “I’m just…I’m not a runner, and I wasn’t looking where I was going. That rock jumped out at me.”

“Accidents happen to all of us.” He scratches behind his ear and then points to a slash on his cheek. “Fell flat on my face during a run. Ten stitches.”

“What that sounds like to me is that neither of us should be running.”

Killian chuckles, lines appearing around his eyes. “Possibly. Do you think you can stand?”

“I’m thinking I can get up but – ” She attempts to flex her ankle, but she might as well be setting herself on fire “ – I don’t know if I can put weight on it.”

Killian nods, reaching down to gently run his fingers over her already swelling ankle. She hisses, and he backs away before standing and leaning down to help her up. Begrudgingly, she takes his hand, and she does manage to get up. When she attempts putting weight down on it, she knows that’s not going to work. She’s going to have to go to the freaking hospital to make sure the damn thing isn’t broken.

“So, good news,” he says, wrapping his arm around her waist while she holds onto his shoulder, “you can stand…a bit. Bad news, we’re a solid two miles away from the cars because we ran a little further than I realized.”

“Can you leave me here and then drive your car through these tiny trails?”

“I’m thinking I’ll get fined for destroying the park.”

“It may be worth it.”

Killian chuckles and starts slowly moving. Emma basically has to hop with him, but she does it, the two of them gingerly moving forward. “I can see if we can get someone who works at the park to bring us a golf cart. Would you like that?”

“No,” she lies, and maybe she’s a little more stubborn than she thought.

“You sure? I know you’re fit, but I don’t think anyone should hop on one leg for two miles when we can get help. I’m guessing you won’t let me carry you on my back.”

Emma curses under her breath and encourages him to keep moving forward. She distracts herself by asking Killian if he’s been to a Sox game yet this season. He’s gone to several with some of his friends, David included, and that starts an entire conversation about David and his weird habits. Talking about a man who is like a brother definitely takes any possible romance out of the date, but then again, so does a trip to the hospital.

It’s a good thing she didn’t have any expectations for this.

Emma makes it a mile before it hurts too much to keep going, and they stop at a bench as Killian googles a number to call to ask if they can get a golf cart up here. They can, but it’ll be at least thirty minutes, so they stay sitting down, Emma’s leg elevated in Killian’s lap as they sit in silence while people walk by enjoying their hikes.

She used to be one of them.

“So, this will probably be the last time you take a woman hiking on a first date?” she jokes, adjusting her ponytail so she has something to do with her hands.

“What? Do you not want to do this again?”

Emma’s hands still. “You want to do this again? With me?”

“Possibly.” He shrugs, but quickly stills so as not to twist her leg. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, this has been an absolutely minging date.”

“Thanks?”

“No, no,” Killian laughs, holding his hand up. “You’ve been wonderful, love. I’ve honestly enjoyed myself, but when you get a woman injured because you’re a bloody competitive arsehole, it doesn’t usually go down well. Dave is never going to let me live it down.”

“Oh, is that why it’s bad? Because David is going to take the piss out of you for it?”

“Definitely. It has nothing to do with you.”

Emma scoffs and leans back, the sun shining down on her face. It was boiling at the beginning of the date, but now she’s sweated so much the heat almost feels comfortable. She’s got to look great right now. She doesn’t even want to check to see if her mascara has run. “Good to know. Besides, you probably only agreed to go out with me to shut David up, right? You spend eight hours, five days a week with him. That’s a lot of time for him to talk.”

Brows pinch together as his eyes narrow. “What makes you think David had to convince me to do this?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you already have a roster of women lining up to date you? From what I’ve heard, there’s a line to your apartment door.”

Killian scoffs and tilts his head back, the sunshine hitting across his stubble and lightening it before it returns to a deep brown. His jaw clenches with a visible pulse, and Emma knows she’s fucked up.

She knows, she knows, she knows.

And she doesn’t know how to fix it. She knows she went into this with a shitty attitude about the date and about Killian, and even though she can be a prickly ass sometimes, she never wants to make someone else feel bad.

She was stupid to assume Killian had the same feelings about this date as she did.

Emma is not used to people actually wanting to be with her.

“I’m no stranger to women as I’m sure you aren’t to men, love, but that doesn’t mean I only asked you here to check off a mark on a list. I was the one who brought it up with David to see if you were interested, not the other way around.”

“Killian, I – ”

“It’s fine.” He waves her away, and she knows it’s not.

The seconds tick by but it feels like hours, and by the time the golf cart arrives to take them to their cars, Emma is convinced she can walk again out of the sheer determination to get away from this awkwardness. Killian talks to the man driving the cart, Graham she thinks, as he drives them off the trail. It’s the only conversation they have until they’re in the parking lot where Emma realizes she’s going to have to ride in his car with him to the hospital. She knew that, logically, but looking at her Bug and then Killian’s SUV, all she can think about is how much she wants to be alone right now.

This is the worst date she’s ever been on, and Neal used to count stealing food from convenience stores as dates.

(Okay, so maybe every date with Neal counts as the worst date she’s ever been on since he royally fucked up her life with them.)

Killian helps her into the backseat of his car so she can keep elevating her leg, and then he closes the door and gets in the front. He turns his radio on, some eighties classics playing through the speaker, and Emma pulls her phone out of her sports bra to text Ruby.

Emma Swan: Fell on my hike, on the way to the hospital to have my ankle checked out. I also insulted Killian, and I’m pretty sure he wanted to leave me on the hiking trail.

Ruby Lucas: What the hell?

Emma Swan: I’ll tell you about it when I get home.

Ruby Lucas: Do I need to meet you at the hospital? I’m going out with Mulan tonight, but since she has to be at work early, I’ll be home around midnight.

Emma Swan: I think the only thing that could make this worse is if he knows I’ve texted my roommate to come and save me.

Ruby Lucas: Well, if things getter better, just know it is possible to have sex with a messed-up ankle.

Emma snickers, and she catches Killian glancing in the review mirror. She bites her tongue and looks down, wondering when the hell this day is going to be over.

-/-

The wait in the emergency room is over an hour…if no one else comes in. That was the caveat the nurse told her, and she gets it. She’s not an emergency. She’s not having a heart attack. She’s just got a sprained (hopefully) ankle.

Looking back, they should have gone to an urgent care.

And she does mean “they” because Killian is still sitting next to her.

“So, what, are you a gentleman or something? Waiting for me like this.”

“I’m always a gentleman, love.”

Emma doesn’t believe that for a second, but she’s not going to argue with him. She’s already done a great job mucking things up, and she imagines David is going to have a field day with her.

She imagines Killian thinks she’s the worst.

“I’m sorry for being so awful,” Emma blurts out, and Killian’s shoulder brushes against hers as he turns to face her. “I didn’t mean to imply that you were some kind of man whore or whatever insulting term I implied. I just…I mean…I am obviously a great date, a great person, a great everything. I’m charming the pants off you.”

Killian scoffs and leans back, his arms going over his head before falling to his lap. She catches a glance at angry red scars on his left hand and forearm that she never noticed before. She wonders why he didn’t share the story behind those when he was talking about the scar on his face. It can’t have been from the same accident. No running accident is that bad. “This is not the worst date I’ve ever been on.”

“How is that possible?”

“Three years ago, I’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship. I was gutted, and I basically had to be dragged out. I was set up with this girl, we went to dinner at Yvonne’s, and there, sitting one table over, was my ex and her husband, who I had just found out about. I didn’t want to tell my new date this, so I tried to pay attention to her. I obviously did a shit job of it because she got so frustrated with me, she poured her soup on my lap and left.”

“Was the soup still hot?”

“No,” he laughs, winking at her. “It was cold, so I’m all still functional down there if that’s what you were worried about.”

“Shut up.” Emma sinks down a little lower in her seat, trying not to laugh or blush, but she knows she fails at both. “So, even after I’ve injured myself and insulted you, I still don’t get the number one spot?”

“I’m afraid you don’t, but you can feel free to give it another go.”

Emma pushes herself back up and twists to look at him, narrowing her eyes to try to figure him out. “Like, right now or on another date? Is that still up for grabs? Because no offense, but if you’re still willing to go on another date with me, I think you might have also fallen and hit your head.”

Killian shrugs. “Or I’m just as much as a wanker as you are and am willing to give you another chance.”

He cannot be serious. That seems ridiculous and ill-advised, but she sees no lie in his eyes. Has she found the craziest man in all of Boston?

There are a lot of them, and she didn’t expect it to be him. A wolf in sheep’s clothing or something else like that.

She also didn’t expect herself to want to give this another shot. Maybe it’s for her ego, but Emma’s going to try not to think about that now.

“I’m pretty sure you’re messing with me because I don’t know how we’re ever going to get past this, but if we were to go on another date, I get to pick the venue.”

“Please tell me it’s not going to be Yvonne’s.”

“Damn, you’ve ruined my plan.” He huffs and Emma nudges him with her elbow. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to walk properly again, but what do you say? You want to go to a Sox game? If we end up hating each other, we can be distracted by the game. Or we can flat out move to empty seats to avoid each other.”

“I like this plan.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think we should get seats at the top and have you walk there.”

Emma groans and elbows him again, a little harder than necessary. “Okay, so I’m buying the tickets then.”

“That was my plan all along.”

“Emma Swan,” the nurse at reception calls out, “we can take you back now.”

-/-

It’s just a sprain. A bad one but a sprain.

She’s supposed to ice it, elevate it, and rest for a few weeks. She curses at that because it means she’s going to have to be sitting during her job, which she hates, and she’s also going to have to do rehab on it. Plus, she was about to hit a record with her cycling classes, and that’s going to be delayed.

But it’s not broken, and she’s been given crutches to help her out for the first few days. She walks out on them – no one ever tells you how much they hurt your armpits – to see Killian standing, waiting for her, soft smile on his lips.

“How are you feeling?”

“Amazing,” she lies.

“David and Mary Margaret have gone and gotten your car,” Killian explains, not missing a beat, and steps to walk next to her, “and have returned it to your apartment. Mary Margaret wanted to rush here, but they’re going to that show tonight.”

“I’m sure David had to restrain her.”

“Oh, he did. I couldn’t see it, but I could imagine it from the way they talked.”

“I don’t even need to hear their argument to imagine it. Thanks for getting that taken care of.”

“No problem.”

Slowly but surely, they get to Killian’s car. She insisted he didn’t need to pull it around – he probably did – but by the time they get there, she’s having a hard time not sweating. The heat is still miserable. The air-conditioning in his car is amazing, though, and Emma nods off as he drives her to her apartment.

“I was worried the entire way here you wouldn’t have an elevator in the building.”

“I’ve got one. Don’t worry. Ruby and I moved about six months ago because we were tired of living in an old building that had a slight egg smell that never went away, so if this had happened six months ago, I’d be out of luck.”

“Small blessings, I guess.” He presses the button to turn off his engine. “Do you need help getting inside or…”

Emma rolls her eyes. “I don’t, but do you want to come in and get delivery? I feel like it’s the least I can do for you.”

“As long as it’s not soup, I’d love that.”

-/-

Emma manages not to insult Killian for the rest of the night. There are times when she thinks she takes it too far, her natural sarcasm coming out, but Killian gives as good as he gets. He never misses a beat, is constantly challenging her, and he puts away half a large pizza with as much ease as she does.

She can never tell her clients this is how she eats.

Really, sitting on her couch, her ankle wrapped in ice and set, she has a better time than she has on any of the dates she’s gone on in the past year. Killian’s never seen The Umbrella Academy, so she puts it on and they watch it, a bowl of popcorn with all the fixings between them.

She really can’t tell her clients this is how she eats.

At some point, the sun now set and the outside world darkened, her eyes get heavy and she drifts off, hushed conversation and laughter in the background. She recognizes those voices, and opens her eyes to see Ruby and Killian talking, but then she’s nodding off to sleep again, the world’s edges blurring. She still feels soft lips and harsh stubble brush against her forehead before everything bleeds into darkness.

-/-

“I cannot believe you screwed that one up.”

“What?” Emma asks, blinking her eyes open. Her neck is killing her, but that’s only momentary distraction from the way her ankle is throbbing.

“I can’t believe you screwed your date up,” Ruby says, and now Emma recognizes that it’s Ruby talking to her. “I mean, he was hot, Emma. So, so hot. Like, I would sleep with him even if he was the biggest asshole in the world.”

“Can you get me some more ice?” Emma groans, groggy.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Ruby gets up and walks into the kitchen, and Emma tries sitting up and opening up her eyes a little more. She doesn’t know what time it is, so she fumbles around for her phone, the bright screen opening up to tell her it’s seven in the morning. She’s also got a slew of texts from David and Mary Margaret, her boss at the gym, Elsa, and one Killian Jones.

The first text is a link. It’s two tickets to a Red Sox game two weeks from now, and the seats aren’t in the upper deck.

Killian Jones: Can I count on seeing you there? You know, to redeem yourself.

Emma Swan: I thought I said I’d buy the tickets.

The bubbles pop up immediately despite Killian having sent his message at two in the morning.

Killian Jones: Didn’t want to chance that you’d run away.

Emma Swan: Is that supposed to be funny?

Killian Jones: Absolutely.

Emma laughs and the corners of her lips tug up. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t anywhere near the worst date she’d ever been on even if it did leave her sore in all the wrong places.

Emma Swan: I’ll be there.

“What are you smiling about?” Ruby asks as she comes in with a newly filled ice pack.

“I didn’t screw the date up as badly as I thought, I guess.” Emma shrugs and lifts her ankle as Ruby wraps it up. “I think it goes down as one of the most interesting first dates in existence, though.”

“And you didn’t even sleep with him, so that’s saying something.”

Emma tosses a pillow at Ruby and sinks into the couch, her heartbeat going a little faster than normal.

Killian Jones: If you get hit by a fly ball, I think that may be it for us. I can’t have you be injured on two dates in a row.

-/-

She doesn’t get hit by a fly ball.

She doesn’t get injured at all.

And in all of the other dates they go on, no one sprains an ankle or gets it by a fly ball or breaks an arm. They’ve got a pretty good track record of good dates, but as Killian likes to say, you never forget your first.

[moviediary]

She’s All That (1999)

Rich and popular makes a bet with his “friend”, whose personality is pretty much summed up by the fact that he has frosted tips, that he can turn any girl into the prom queen after getting dumped by his longtime girlfriend. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but every time I watch it I can’t help but be amazed at how absurd it is. I mean, cliché plot aside, every individual piece that makes up this 1 hour and 30 minute ode to the individual is completely insane. What universe does this take place in? What high school do they go to?

That being said, I really like the opening shots to this movie, it definitely gives you a good introduction to the main character. Laney Boggs. She’s political and messy and 100% down to her bones an art student. She isn’t afraid to be dark.

In contrast I feel like the first meeting of the main love interest really doesn’t set him up to be who the writers want you to think he is. I mean he rolls up to school in a bright yellow Jeep with a Mr. Prez vanity plate. Then you see his shoes when he gets out of the car, fuckin’ ugly ass leather loafers. I’m sorry I know this means nothing I just have a hard time believing this jock wears these fucking shoes they’re so god damn ugly.

Every moment that introduces him makes it seem like he should be the villain, he has pretty much no redeeming qualities that we can see besides his wit (barely) and good looks. I just don’t understand why we’re supposed to like him, this is Sixteen Candles all over again. Hot rich guy, is an asshole, for some reason I still root for and love him. How does that work? What makes these characters so grossly likable? I mean, his name is Zack. That alone raises a red flag for me. That’s a frat boy asshole name. Zacks are friends of Kyle that’s all I’m saying.

Once we get through his painfully douchey introduction we get introduced to Zack’s equally douchey friends frosted tips and Gus from psych. (don’t ask me what their actual names are it’s not important anyway, that is essentially their personalities) The first thing we hear is them talking about summer break and their vacations, further driving home how rich they are and how weird it is that adults write movies about teenagers having gratuitous amounts of sex with adults. Then Zach tries unsuccessfully to say something philosophical about them graduating soon (I have to keep reminding myself that he’s supposed to have like the 4th highest GPA in their class) They then meet the most 90s girls I have ever seen. Who I guess are supposed to be popular? One thing I do like is how diverse all the characters are, they don’t all look exactly the same which I feel tends to be a problem with high school movies.

So we finally meet the “popular girl” Taylor Vaughn, Zack’s girlfriend and she immediately breaks up with him (which honestly is probably a good idea anyway) and his “friends” fucking laugh at him which he really had coming. I mean. Look at his hair. 

This launches what is probably one of my favorite narrated flashback scenes of all time, not because the topic is particularly interesting but because I love the way they have Zach interrupt her inside of the flashback. It’s a very small addition that really gives the scene style. Also we see this hot girl start dating Shaggy??? Also one of the villains from the original Scream???( he only really plays one character.) Makes me laugh every time. Also makes me a little uncomfortable every time since she’s in high school and he’s who knows how old but whatever not important. This also leads to one of my favorite exchanges in the whole movie. 

Taylor wraps up her spring break story time with one of the rawest lines I've ever seen in a 90s movie (she really did that to him) and the director throws in a classic high school movie trope, everyone actually caring enough to stop and watch this exchange. And while I usually hate this kind of character worship, since this movie is already so bizarre and unrealistic it actually kinda fits

We then cut to Laney’s art class which includes her teacher that for some reason thinks her art isn’t personal enough and two clown obsessed Lydia Deetz knock offs. I have to say I do love this part where the art students literally suggest that she kill herself in order to have her art recognized. Very realistic conversation between art students. 

That whole scene is really funny though because it doesn’t feel like it belongs in this movie. Even the music doesn't fit which is only emphasized by the sudden bell ringing transition back into a stereotypical high school movie. It reminds me of movies like the craft, the way it’s cut together, the way the characters talk, how Laney just stares straight ahead after not saying anything. It seems like she could have chosen a completely different movie to be in. Like if the movie was a chose your own adventure, she could have been in a different genre entirely and the movie would have been about her and those girls faking her death to get recognition and make money from her paintings. which would have been sick. but that isn't the movie I’m watching. Which I’m reminded of when fucking Zack comes back on screen.

Also right before the scene where the actual bet is introduced we meet the school’s resident DJ??? which isn’t important at all but is so strange that I feel the need to point it out. Like they don’t just have a guy who does the announcements they have like a disc jockey who is just there all the time??? There are just so many little things in this movie that make it so weird.

So fucking Brock pukashells pulls up and Zach just flips. Which is understandable it is a very gross moment but he just fucking goes off about Taylor and how she’s not that great and he could get with any girl in the school. His friends point out that bitch boy forgot that Taylor Vaughn is “an institution” and basically Zach with tits. She’s very important. This is something I never get about movies like this, has anyone actually been to a high school where someone was that well known. But also not liked? Like sure she’s hot, but she’s also a grade A bitch to everyone. and according to Zach nothing more than a C minus GPA in a Wonderbra. 

Once you get through the misogyny plus ultra scene and they finally make the bet, frosted tips has picked the girl Zach has to turn into the prom queen. Scary inaccessible Laney Boggs. He’s got 6 weeks to make her popular. He starts off his first exchange with her in the best way possible. By calling her brother Spaz (as his name). Again, we’re supposed to like this guy I think. I don’t know when he’s supposed to become a likable character but I can’t imagine it’s during all these scenes where he just legit insults people.

I also love all of the clips we get to see from Brock’s time on The Real World Which make me really question why all the girls fan girl over him given that he’s actually the worst, even on the show. We also get introduced to Zack’s sister who probably should have been a lesbian given how queer coded her character is besides the fact that she desperately wants a boyfriend. She even goes to an all girls school it would have been perfect. But alas, this movie is gay-less.

We are then introduced to another b-plot in this movie, Zack’s indecision about college. This was I guess to make him more human? or something? To sort of flesh him out and give him problems but honestly he doesn't have any problems. Later in the movie Laney points this out to him, he can do whatever he wants. This whole college thing is resolved fairly quickly later in the film too, it’s not very important it’s just the only thing we see about Zack besides being a perfect high schooler throughout the whole movie. Well that and his terrible performance art and being an asshole. 

After we see that Zack has been accepted by every Ivy League school and their mother (I’m not jealous I swear) we take a brief Taylor being a bitch detour before getting back to Zack making an ass of himself. This time he’s bothering Laney at her job which is awesome we love that. Again I don’t know why we like this guy he does like 3 nice things the whole movie. Anyway she gets defensive like she always does and he fumbles around trying to talk like he’s a normal person and not a walking cliché and then there’s this really strange exchange where he tries to asked her for help in art classes and she says “you don’t take art” and he’s like “how do you know?” and she’s like “Why haven't I seen you in any of my classes?” and like, I get what they were going for but what kind of high school is this? how does she have time to take more than one art class? How is she already an art major before she’s in college that’s not how high school works. I only ever had one school where I could take more than two extra curriculars and that was in middle school and it was only because they fucked up and put me in four hours of study hall and so I just went to all of the art classes that were offered. But that’s different. And am I way over analyzing this movie? yes. Does anyone but me care about this shit? probably not, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway.

I also really like Laney’s best friend who’s kind of just there, all the time, he’s such a good wing man. He also made the best excuse to get out of seeing that weird ass art show she’s in. He’s like, oh good I don’t have to see another Mitch show. He’s probably in his underwear in all of them, I wouldn’t want to go either. I think it really says something about the performance art world though, because this is probably the most believable part of the whole movie. If someone told me that his is just an actual performance art piece that they used in this movie I would absolutely believe them. Also one of the weird gremlins in this piece says what is probably my favorite quote ever which is “my soul is an island, my car is a Ford” like what the fuck is that I love that so much.

I really want to know how they came up with this shit, it’s so perfect. It also is another one of these parts in the movie that doesn’t really add anything. A lot of the movie is like this, I feel like 90% of this movie is weird filler scenes and the rest in plot. Like it’s so obvious how it’s going to end that you barely even need to watch most of the movie, and even when you do watch most of the movie it always kind of feels like it only half has something to do with the plot. I’m not even going to talk about the weird hacky Sack scene, I can’t handle how embarrassing and cringey it is I pretty much always skip through it. What a dick move of Laney’s to even put him in that situation. The whole “your eyes are really beautiful” scene is also really strange, both his lines and her reaction don’t really make sense. Through most of this movie when they actually talk to each other I feel like they don’t have any chemistry. It’s the same when he subtly blackmails her into going to the beach with him. He’s awkward and barely says anything that prompts a response and then she just goes full WOKE EMO on him and like, they really do have nothing in common I do not understand their relationship. And then his friends show up and he’s like, “If we’re gonna be friends we’ll have to deal with them eventually” which like, 1: wow get some friends you actually like maybe? And 2: how are you guys friends, you’ve barely ever managed to exchange civil words on screen. Actually maybe that makes sense, this is why he thinks this is okay (besides the whole bet thing) maybe he doesn’t realize he’s supposed to actually like his friends and girlfriend. Because it really seems like he doesn’t like any of them, which I get. Except for Gus (not his name but whatever) because that guy’s actually pretty funny and spends the whole movie calling frosted tips out whenever he sounds too much like Kenny from Can’t Hardly Wait.

The whole beach scene is kinda take it or leave it too, there are a lot of moments where we see Laney hang out with Zack and other people but honestly through the whole movie there really isn’t a whole lot of growth. We don’t actually really see them bond or talk, we’re supposed to believe their relationship is growing but I guess that must be happening off screen because I don’t see it.

One of my favorite parts is when Zack forces the JV soccer team to clean Laney’s house, the kid answering the jeopardy question and her dad just realizing they were there. Oh man, gets me every time. The makeover scene is also pretty cute, I always love those. Also the whole “new, not improved, but different Laney Boggs” thing is adorable and I appreciate it.

The evolving of the characters and their relationships don’t happen gradually, what little is actually shown is pretty much in like 3 parts, the opening, the party scene, and the end. The characters are very flat for most of the movie and they have very little personality, but the party scene is very fun to watch. From “Gracias, papi!” to Laney turning Misty into a clown, and then the Give it to Me dance sequence. And even though the characters haven’t really given me a good reason to care about them my heart still hurts a little for Laney when Taylor ruins her dress. That’s the thing about this movie, I shouldn’t care, I shouldn’t like these characters, but I still do, and I have no idea why.

The Brock dumping Taylor thing was great, the parallel was expected but I actually think it added to the story. In fact most of the things after the party actually feel necessary to the movie which is nice. Even the soccer practice actually leads to something. I don’t know what it is about the 2nd quarter of this movie that feels so empty but whatever it is it’s enough that I saw a noticeable difference when I got to the third act of this movie.

It’s a small part but I also really love the alternative clubs that make signs in favor of Laney for prom queen. They’re just so fucking funny to me. I mean, Hygiene club? Prisoners club??? What?

Then they pull another fast feelings thing on me again. They throw the mom painting scene at me and like, wow that’s sad. Then Zack tries to garner sympathy for the problems that he makes for himself. Then boom they flip on me again they’re cute and I like them. Then she says that weird thing about prom and he just dips man. And like, Why do they gotta do me like that? I cannot seem to decide if I like these characters or not it’s so weird how this dialogue is written.

And then the dream happens? Definitely one of the best scenes in the whole movie. So fucking perfect. It really just adds to the weird slight surrealness of this whole movie.

Then we go back to the school and suddenly everyone is dressing like Laney? In support I guess? Again can I just ask what fucking school they go to? And then there’s the beat boxing scene? Where they rap about who’s gonna be prom queen? I’ve never even met anybody that invested in the outcome of who’s gonna be prom queen except for those running. I don’t even think I know anybody who voted. Even so, I do love the beat box scene, they really spit some bars.

Also I just noticed that in that super fucked cafeteria scene, you can see Buffy make a cameo? Just a fun little trivia fact. But seriously that cafeteria scene is fucked. Like, the pubes on the pizza? I wish no one had thought of that ever. Also can I just say I would undoubtedly rather get my ass kicked than be forced to eat pubes. I don’t know what they were thinking that isn’t even a question.

It’s also really uncomfortable how good frosted tips is at acting like he’s not a douchebag. What a creep. If that were a real guy I’d be tempted to call him a sociopath. So gross. But I suppose it’s good for the story line.

The end of the movie wraps up pretty fast honestly. Zack’s dad and him finally communicate which fixes Zack’s only problem immediately because that’s just how easy it is. He was just projecting the whole time, his dad had literally no problems other than being a typical rich dad. Then of course we get another moment with the school DJ who I guess just gets to play and say what ever he wants whenever he wants. Am I the only one who thinks it’s really inappropriate how sexual that guy’s announcements about prom are? Maybe it’s just me and I had a really different high school experience but I feel like people are way too focused on sex when they make movies about high school. Other shit was going on you know? It’s just odd for me to think about grown adults writing and pitching this movie.

Zack really is such a bitch boy though, he doesn’t even try to explain anything to her, just lets her get hurt and lets Taylor be a bitch to her without saying anything. He doesn’t even try to tell her that frosted tips was just as much a part of it as he was. Honestly I kind of wish that frosted tips wasn’t such an asshole his whole heart to heart with her at the door before prom could have been really cute if I didn’t already know he was a lying scumbag. But I guess Laney just gets the lesser of the douchebags.

We finally get to the prom, inarguably the best part of the whole movie, all the little bits and pieces. The sex doll guy is always funny as hell. The DJ being the school DJ works really well brings a lot of closure to that whole weirdness. Also that dance scene is fucking great, has absolutely nothing to do with the plot, which actually works since about 40% of the things in this movie have nothing to do with the plot of this movie. I absolutely unironically tried to learn this dance, man I fucking wish prom was actually like this. I don’t know about you guys but for me, both of my proms were not nearly this theatrical. I spent my first one playing black jack the whole time and my senior prom was full of people that were way too white to dance. Anyway, Laney doesn’t win and she leaves early. Zack gives a pretty boring speech. Taylor goes off on everyone. Frosted tips tries to get Laney in bed and everyone gets upset.

The whole thing ends with Laney coming home to find Zach waiting for her to make sure she’s okay, which is sweet and all but like I can’t help wondering how long he had just been standing there waiting. Especially since it seemed like her dad was just ignoring him. That’s just a funny image to me. Anyway, they dance in the backyard. They kiss. It’s cute. Zack loses the bet so he accepts his diploma naked which I’m pretty sure is indecent public exposure but sure.

Overall it’s a very cute movie. The clichés are sort of made up for by all the weird 90s movie things. Plus it has a pretty great soundtrack. I know I sort of really went in on this movie but to be honest I really enjoy watching it. I’m not sure why. It’s pretty bad when you think about it any deeper than surface level. But it’s also just really fun and the characters are weird and there’s too many duffel bags to be normal and it’s just funny. It’s really weirdly funny. And it has that same non-conclusion that a lot of teen rom-coms have where they just can’t really give you all that much and just make sure they’re happy even if you know there is no way they can continue a relationship outside of high school. It may sound like it, but I’m not mad at it. If you haven’t already I’d say watch it. Watch it as a relaxing mindless good time activity. At the very least you won’t be bored, but if you get sympathy embarrassment like I do then maybe skip a few parts.

As of right now this movie is not available for free on any streaming sites (yes I own it on DVD don’t @ me)

Final Verdict:

Actual movie review: 6/10

How fun is it to watch?: 8/10

[diez-minutos]

Smarter (guzmán x reader)

Part two of the Promise Series!

(Read part one here)

Pairing: Guzmán x reader (Elite)

Warning: very minor language

Note: Gif is not mine!

“Want to work with me on the project?” Guzmán asked as you got up from your desk.

“I don’t know,” you grabbed your bag. “I think I need a little space right now, Guzmán.”

“Baby,” he grabbed your hand gently. “I really am sorry.”

“I know you are,” you smiled at him. “I just think we should work with other people.”

“Well, Ander’s working with the new kid, so who else are you gonna work with?“

“Nadia,” you called to her. “Partners?”

“Okay,” she nodded slightly. “I’ll tell Señor Martin.”

“Great,” you smiled back.

“Guess that makes you mine,” Lu smiled as she put her hand on his shoulder. “Silly of (Y/N) to give you up really.” She glared at you. “I’ll tell Martin,” She whispered in his ear.

“Hope it’s fun,” you faked a smile.

“This is on you,” Guzmán laughed slightly. He grabbed your elbow as you tried to walk away. “Baby, come on. You trust me, right?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Her-not so much.”

“I can handle myself,” he rubbed your arm slightly. “Dinner tonight? I’ll order from that place you like.”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Can’t wait,” he kissed you quickly before leaving the classroom.

...

When you arrived at Guzmán’s you found that he did, in fact, get food from your favorite restaurant all the way across town.

“I can’t believe you did this. You said you hated the food there.”

“But you love it,” he smiled at you as he unpacked the food from the bag. He handed you your food and kissed the top of your head. “I want to make you happy.” He started to go get silverware before you placed your hand on his shoulder and turned him around.

“Thank you,” you kissed him softly.

“You’re not stupid,” he said after a moment of silence. “You’re the smartest person I know actually.”

“Actually, Lu’s doing better than me than me in math right now which means she’s the smartest, and I can kiss the scholarship goodbye.”

“Can I ask you something?” Guzmán said as he finally sat down next to you with his food. You nodded. “Do you really want to go to school in the US?”

“I want to try new things,” you glanced at him. “See new places.”

“Do you want to go to the ivy league school?”

“I don’t know what I want, but it would be cool to have that as a possibility.”

“I’d miss you too much though,” he laughed. “We’ve been friends since kindergarten. Dating since the beginning of high school. I can’t be away from you.”

“Don’t worry about something that might not even happen, okay?” you stared at him. “Eat your food,” you nudged his shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed.

When you finished eating as you were helping him clean up he asked, “Has Ander seemed weird lately?”

“I don’t think so,” you walked to the sink.

“He would not get off his phone when we went out with Polo, and he didn’t even finish his food.

“I think his dad is giving him weird training schedules. Isn’t his tournament coming up?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Guzmán stared off into space.

“I think it’s sweet you worry about him so much,” you looped your arms around his neck. “There is a loving guy, Guzmán. I wouldn’t love you the way I do if there wasn’t.”

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you more,” you kissed him.

...

“Hey, Nadia,” you sat down across from her at the library. “I was thinking you could come over to work on the project this afternoon.”

“Okay,” she nodded as she packed up her things.

“Great, Guzmán will be there to study for our French test afterward, but if he’s distracting I’ll kick him out.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable with him there.”

“Why?”

“He hasn’t treated Samuel or Christian well since we got here. I must be next.”

“He won’t do anything. I promise he’s a good guy.”

“Would a good guy beat up a stranger at his party?” Nadia got up and left.

“Hey, my love,” Guzman wrapped his arms around your shoulders from behind and kissed the top of your head.

“Hey,” you sighed.

“I think Ander’s gonna come study with us. That okay?”

“Course,” you turned your body to see his face. “Oh, um...Nadia thinks we would focus better if you came after she’s gone. Is that okay?”

“Sure, I’ll pick up food and Ander and come over when you’re done.”

“Thank you. I love you,” you grabbed his hand.

“I love you,” he leaned down and kissed you.

“Guzmán!” Lu called.

“Lu, we’re in the library,” you sat up straight and Guzmán rested his hands on your shoulders.

“What, Lu?”

“We have to work on this project at some point. Come over tonight.”

“Can’t. I have plans,” he kissed your cheek before whispering in your ear, “See you tonight, Babe.” He kissed your cheek again and left the library.

Lu glared at you before letting out a huff and walking away.

...

Nadia sat across from you at your dining room table and looked through photos on your laptop.

“All of these are with other people,” she glanced at you.

“It can’t be all of them, right?”

“This one doesn’t even have you in it!” She turned the laptop so you could see it and saw she was right. It was a photo you had taken of Guzmán and Ander when the three of you went to Barcelona for Guzmán’s birthday the previous year.

“It’s a good photo of them. Look how happy they are.”

“This tells me nothing about you, (Y/N),” Nadia sighed.

“Sure it does. It shows you that I care about those around me. They’re important to me.”

“Speaking of those around you, what do your parents do?”

“My father is a businessman. He works with Guzmán’s father.”

“And your mother?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “She left my dad after I was born. When he was first starting out in the business world, he took care of me all on his own, but when he became successful, he hired someone else to do it.”

“Oh,” Nadia said trying to change the subject. “We should go somewhere and I can take some solo photos.”

“Oh, I really don’t have time for that right now. I have so many projects and exams coming up and if I want to beat Lu-”

“Beat Lu? Like for the scholarship?”

“Yeah, Lu and I are so close.”

“Lu and I are also close. Guess that means we are, too.”

“Right,” you didn’t want to look at her.

“Look, if I can take time away from studying, you can take time away from your boyfriend for a moment to help me with this project.”

“Why do you hate him so much? He’s done nothing to you, but I still told him to come later because you said you’d be uncomfortable. I don’t understand-”

“Look, if you’re so busy maybe you can have him take some photos of you alone and then send them to me,” she closed her laptop and placed it in her bag.

“Nadia, don’t leave,” you stood up.

“My father is expecting me. Thank you for having me over.”

You could hear Guzmán and Ander at the door, but couldn’t bring yourself to greet them.

“Hey,” Ander said as he came into the room. “Are you okay? You look upset.”

“Yeah, you know just talking about my mom gets me emotional,” you lied. You couldn’t care less about your mom. You were upset with the way Nadia talked about Guzmán and basically said that you were bad too just because you were his girlfriend.

“Don’t worry about her,” Ander hugged you. “Her loss, right?

“Yeah,” you hugged him.

“There you are,” Guzmán smiled from the door. You pulled away from Ander as he approached you. “What’s wrong, Love?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you shook your head. “French?”

...

You felt like you had been staring at the same conjugations for hours and that your brain was going to explode. Guzmán and Ander gave up trying to study long before and were making a mess in your kitchen.

“Hey,” Guzmán helped you stand up from your chair. “Let’s take a break, yeah?”

“Okay,” you smiled and helped them bring the crazy foods they made to the table.

“Oh, I wanted to ask you,” Guzmán looked at Ander after about five minutes. “Have you gone to that bridge, recently?”

You could see Ander tense up, but you didn’t know why. Maybe he had gone there to buy his drugs. “Not since the last time you and I went, why?”

“Just curious,” Guzmán replied.

“I think I’ve had a long enough break,” you said grabbing your textbook again.

“Babe, you know it,” Guzmán sighed. “You’ve aced every other test. Why are you so worried about this one?”

“Plus,” Ander chimed in. “You’re way ahead of Lu in French.”

“I’m not worried about Lu,” you sighed. “Nadia’s at the top of the class, apparently.”

“You’re practically fluent in French. You have nothing to worry about,” Ander stuffed more food in his mouth.

“Let’s call it for tonight, okay?” Guzmán looked at you seriously. “You’re gonna psych yourself out.”

“Fine,” you closed your textbook. “If I fail tomorrow, that’s on you.”

“You won’t,” Guzmán kissed you. “You’re too smart for that.”

...

“Did you tell Guzmán?” Ander asked as soon as you picked up the phone.

“I told you I wouldn’t,” you sighed. “Did he find out?”

“Yeah, and he told my dad,” Ander was clearly frustrated. “I’m grounded.”

“He only told your dad because he cares about you, Ander.”

“Whose side are you on?” Ander yelled at you. “You were mad at him about being an asshole to you, but suddenly come to his defense when he throws me under the bus? Some best friend you are.”

“Ander-”

“I’m so sick of this,” Ander yelled again before he hung up.

[emmettss]

( MATTHEW DADDARIO + CISMALE) —  Have you seen EMMETT LOVAS ? This THIRTY year old is a RESTAURATEUR who resides in MANHATTAN. HE has been living in NYC for FOUR YEARS, and is known to be RESOLUTE and CHARISMATIC, but can also be MELANCHOLIC and TACITURN if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with PRESSED CHEF'S COAT, MEN'S WATCHES and ROLLED UP SLEEVES

hello again it me bringing another character because i have no self-control !! here’s my word vomit about emmett and some connections underneath! we don’t have to go with them but they’re just a few suggestions to get the ball rolling :)

emmett stems from a fairly well off family, his father a business mogul and his mother a socialite; he has a a sibling (or two? haven’t decided for certain yet) but he’s not particularly close with any of his relatives

the name of the game is food. emmett’s father found his fortune in owning and financing high end/fine dining/ michelin rated restaurants, vineyards and wineries, etc all around north america to make the big buckaroonies. it’s not so much his expertise in the food industry but his business-savviness that’s made him so successful 

the same savviness was passed on to emmett; always taught to see every thing as a business opportunity, a chance to make money. emmett attended boarding school growing up then ivy league to complete his business degree

moved to new york four years ago because his dad sent him there to manage and open new restaurants, dip their foot into the market and  expand their ‘empire’ so to speak. he’s started with one restaurant only, and it’s been quite successful

though he’s good at running and managing the business side of things, emmett’s real passion is cooking. growing up around the best restaurants watching renowned chefs, he grew to really adore the food and the science of cooking. he attended culinary school in his early twenties, now he wants to hone his craft  but expectations from his family keeps him immensely busy. 

PERSONALITY WISE // emmett has two personalities. basically the one that he puts on for show/business — charming, eloquent, can’t say no to him. Versus him, alone, very quiet because he’s constantly thinking to himself. He can be withdrawn because he’s  had to learn to be very independent at an early age @ boarding school — he doesn’t like depending on others and doesn’t see a huge point in making connections with people when people just seem to want things from him or they simply don’t ‘get’ him. a bit of a pessimist at times; can come off as unfriendly. doesn’t believe in love for himself

WANTED CONNECTIONS

fake as fuck friends ;; i love the idea of emmett being very fake around your muse bc theyre come from privileged families and is maybe somehow connected to the Lovas’ so he has to play nice. bonus points if they legit get to know each other and it becomes real friends OR maybe my muse blows up on yours saying this isnt worth pretending to be so fake cause you suck OR your muse finds out mine is super fake and kinda asshole-y the way he acts

we’re related by restaurants ;; someone who might have an interest in owning restaurants or loves food or cooking or is a chef/waiter/waitress, and knows emmett this way. they can be friends or not or a protege? 

keep my secret ;;  someone who somehow knows emmett’s secret passion, caught him cooking instead of managing one time or something. prob knows his family background and keeps his secret, either out of being nice or for personal gain in the future

exes;; ex friends, ex relationships? ex-almosts? i imagine emmett would be guilty of ghosting a lot of people or being a poor boyfriend

EX GIRLFRIEND: this is the one doozy that really hit him. he really fell for someone and she broke his heart and it really messed him up so he doesn’t try much for relationships anymore. details can be discussed!

true friends ;; everyone needs some of those but they’ll have to have more plotted out reasons to be connected bc emmett doesn’t pick just anybody to be friendly with!!

romantic .. things? would LOVE for emmett to have a flirtation thing or feels towards someone but it’s a very angsty thing. I have more ideas in mind but ill unload them on you if you decide you’re brave enough to let me annoy the shit out of you :D 

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Bebe Stevens

Is she still playing truth or dare in treehouses? Bebe has been accepted! Please submit your blog to the main, and a faceclaim to be featured on the main blog!

out of character info

Name/Alias: Grace

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 23

Join Our Discord: Yes - [REDACTED]

Timezone: GMT

Activity: 8 (at least every other day)

Triggers: N/A

Password: jimmy can fast pass my ass 

Character that you’re applying for: Bebe Stevens

Favourite ships for your character: Bebe/Chemistry!!

in character info

Full name: Barbara “Bebe” Stevens

Birthday: 11th August 2000

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: Female, She/Her, Bisexual

Age and grade: 18

Appearance:

Face of angel, body of a goddess, posture of a queen. That’s what she’s been told will get her far in life, and that’s what Bebe strives for. She’s slim build but – with thanks to frequent gym tips (for the Instagram likes) and rigorous cheerleader training – Bebe is toned, tanned and seriously strong. Her fair falls halfway down her back and, without proper styling, it’s a big nest of yellow frizz. Since hitting puberty, Bebe’s mom has enforced regular trips to the salon to tame her curls and highlight her tips, meaning only those really close to her have seen how much of a disaster it’s natural state is.

She has brown eyes, plump lips, and dresses largely in sportswear – crop tops, sports bras, leggings, shorts, high tops and hoodies. On nights out, she likes to ‘Go Ho’ with tight dresses and her signature red lipstick. Bebe is rarely seen without makeup; since entering High School, she’s grown to dislike her natural face – pale and imperfect, with dark patches under her eyes and freckles on her arms. Fake tan, foundation and fad diets are a necessity, if only to get her mom off her back.

Personality:

Bebe doesn’t let anyone see more than her outward appearance. Since childhood, discouraging comments about pursuing an education and becoming an independent career woman have twisted her dreams and shattered her personal image. She works hard at school, but often struggles more than her classmates and is too stubborn to ask for help. Bebe wants to follow Wendy to an Ivy League School, become a Marine Biologist, and change the world for women in STEM. Constant reality checks from failed exams and her mom’s patriarchal view of the world have made that goal unobtainable, so now she’s relying on Instagram fame, a rich college boy proposing, and being widowed at 35 with diamonds to spare.

Bebe is bold, to the point, and surprisingly witty. However, she often disguises her wit behind ditzy or vain observations and a vapid obsession with whatever’s fashionable at the time. She’s driven, though, and even with the world seeing her a certain way, she’d like to become a bigger, brighter person. At parties, she’s a loud personality; she likes drink, dick, drugs and dancing in any order, and isn’t afraid to announce it. She’s also a natural born leader. People are drawn to her, be that because she’s got great boobs and bad reputation, or because she knows how the world works (a little too much) and isn’t afraid to grab it by the balls.

History:

Deborah Thornton met Harvey Stevens when she was 17 and he was 25. Harvey was everything Deborah wanted: well-dressed, well-spoken, and heir to a successful stationary company. Her dating strategy was relentless; Deborah knew what she wanted, and she was damn well going to get it – but how was she going to keep it? That much was easy: have his baby.

Bebe knows she’s not a child born of love, but of circumstance. Her parents like each other well enough, but there’s no spark, just a dull-witted woman who dresses nicely for her boring, business-minded husband. Luckily, their poor parenting techniques have resulted in Bebe getting almost everything she asks for, and Deborah encourages that want-all attitude with pride. Bebe is the spitting image of her mom at 18: voluptuous body, sweet voice, and unwavering social status. Now all she needs is a husband.

The world has blessed Bebe, but as a ten-year-old, that wasn’t enough. She wanted everything she could get her hands on: all the boys, all the power, and all the shoes. Sure, stealing her dad’s gun and pointing at her best friend wasn’t her proudest moment, especially when it was just to keep her hands on Clyde fucking Donavon, but that decisiveness has remained to this day. She’ll dress slutty if she wants to, snort coke if she wants to, and get down if she wants to. Nonetheless, not even Deborah could have planned for Bebe’s independence. Bebe Stevens wants the world.

Sample paragraph:

There’s a riot going on outside, and Bebe can see most of her class in the middle of it. Knowing that lot, they probably started it. A few look worried, the majority bored (oh, a riot in South Park? Must be, like, a Tuesday) but they all know it’ll die down tomorrow when the next bullshit scenario rears its ugly head.

At least they’re involved, right? Bebe hasn’t been dragged into any non-squad drama for months. Sometimes, the guys will give Wendy a taste of their bizzare-o world, and Wendy will complain and call them assholes, but Bebe has this secret feeling that all those whacko, dangerous shenanigans might be kinda … fun.

Fuck. All she wants is the chance, just once, to take the wheel and get fucking WILD with it. Unfortunately, she has a reputation to uphold, an Instagram to keep active, and no one really trusts her after the whole, like, ‘pointing-a-gun-at-her-best-friend’ business.

Bebe blames some of it on society. That’s what Wendy would say to to cheer her up (and, thanks girl, but a pair of shoes or some ice cream would do a better job of it).

She blames the rest of it on her mom. Her mom, who’s dragged Bebe to yet another salon, because “you won’t marry rich with dry skin and crusty cuticles, honey.” Bebe’s fingers fucking ache after the trials they’ve been put through today, just for a French manicure and a couple gems on the thumbnail.

“Hey, mom,” she ventures, and her mom looks up from her copy of The Boob Job: Use your Tits to get Hitched to address her little girl.

Her mom only cares about two things: potential boyfriends (and how Bebe can use her body to bag them), and any girl-gang gossip that’ll make her feel young again.

“Can I go outside? I think I see Annie out there..”

“And ruin your nails, baby? What if that Clyde boy sees you acting like a common whore? Or Token, he’s rich, right?”

“Then they’ll be more likely to fuck me, right? Come on, mom. I can see robots out there.”

Bebe knows that the idea of her daughter becoming just another white-trash, Tomboy Tina terrifies Deborah to the core. But they’re in South Park, and the alternative options are pretty slim. 

“Fine,” her mom says, “but I want you to get three good selfies and at least one date out of it, you here? Tell them you’re a cheerleader, they like that. And look out for college boys - they’re smart.”

This town is tiny and suffocating, Bebe wants to say, they all know I’m a fuckin cheerleader. But instead she says, “sure mom, whatever, kisses,” and bolts out the door, wondering if she’ll be brave enough, today, to break a nail.

Head canons:

Bebe still has her fluffy white cat, Thumper, who she adores, even if half of his fur has gone and his legs don’t work anymore. Deborah hates the thing, but Harvey still makes sure its fed if Bebe’s away.

Bebe has some lingering drug issues. She rarely goes out now without dropping some MDMA or a line of coke, and she sometimes sneaks out at night to smoke a joint at Stark’s pond. It’s got the point that she thinks it’s a necessity to be the ultimate party girl, and she’s got no plans to stop anytime soon. It’s what Paris Hilton would have wanted.

Bebe has MAD body-image issues and will not let anyone see her without her makeup on. The only exceptions are Wendy and her dad.

Anything else: nope, nada!

[talking-head-productions]

If I Go Back In Time Part 2

I realized that were I to actually pitch the movie, the executives and producers would probably ask about more movies going forward. After all, this is supposed to be a cinematic universe to compete with Marvel. I've given it some thought- firstly, the casting of the heroes will be the same, because as far as I'm concerned they all did okay. Secondly, here's a list of possible films in my version of the DCEU:

Man of Steel 2

Plot: See the old post.

To Be Released: Given I said I'd go back to 2012, earliest release would probably be mid 2014

Marketing Notes: Keep it to a minimum. Maybe 2 trailers and a handful of tv spots. Around 4 minutes of footage total, all of it from the first half of the movie. Lower people's expectations a little so they can be surprised if it's any good.

Wonder Woman

Plot: Mostly the same as the one we got for real, but a few significant changes...

Lois Lane is the one conversing with Diana about the photograph, not Batman.

Ares did not kill all of the gods, they simply withdrew from the world of man once humans got too violent. They're in some pocket dimension version of Mount Olympus, waiting for future movies.

Diana does not think that Danny Houston's character is Ares. But she does think he knows where Ares is, because she has a very black-and-white view of the world right now, and Steve told her that Britain and their allies were the good guys. So obviously Ares is on the side of the 'bad' guys, the Germans.

Towards the middle of the movie, when Charlie the sniper is having his breakdown, Diana takes him aside and tells him that the older Amazons still have nightmares about battles from thousands of years ago. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It tends to help them when their friends are nearby. Now, they're not going to force him to fight, but they do want him to come with them. After all, if he stays, who will sing for them? I just think that having that conversation beforehand would be a bit more respectful of his condition. Also it comes back in the climax, Diana at one point has a gun to the back of her head in the middle of a fight, and Charlie shoots the guy first.

When Ares shows up towards the climax, he's actually a good guy who's been trying to end the war peacefully. Turns out, the mythology Diana was taught was wrong. The gods withdrew towards the end of the reign of the first Amazon queen, Otrera. Otrera according to the real world myths had a fling with Ares, which probably ended badly. Here, she would have lied about the reason for the gods' leaving just because she doesn't like Ares. And turns out, mankind really are just a bunch of warmongering assholes. Sometimes.

The real big bad is Doctor Poison. She uses Diana's discarded sword to stab Ares in the back, poisons Diana to weaken her, then huffs some of her own super-serum gas to make the boss battle a fair(-ish) fight.

When Steve comes up to Diana to tell her about his plan to destroy the plane, she can hear him and actually gives him her blessing. So no more 'hung up on her ex' version! It's just not possible if she told him to do it.

There are a couple bits of set up for the next film. First, at some point underwater ruins are mentioned, and Diana asks if Atlantis has fallen in the war. Steve asks if it actually exists, to which Diana replies, “Last time I knew...” The second part is a mid-credits scene where Lois sends Diana another message, asking her to look at a video. The video is exactly the same as the one we got in BvS, of Aquaman underwater stabbing the camera with his trident. During the clip, we hear a part of what will be Aquaman's theme, same as how WW's theme played in her pre-credits scene.

To Be Released: Probably late 2015, early 2016

Marketing Notes: Nothing is released or announced regarding this film until after MoS 2 has been in theaters for a week. I want people to go absolutely fucking apeshit in theaters when they realize that Wonder Woman of all characters will be the next film. Considering how she'd been regarded by Warner Bros. in the past.

The Aquaman

Plot: It's like a crazy Star Wars/Black Panther/Moana fusion. An Operatic Superhero Political-and-Family Drama based out of a futuristic Polynesian magitek version of Atlantis, with only a few scenes above the water.

To Be Released: Mid to late 2017.

Marketing Notes: Don't have a lot of action in the trailers. There will be action in the movie, including a badass final fight, but it'll be less than most superhero films. Focus on the drama in the trailers to accurately represent the movie.

Knight of Gotham

Plot: This movie will be the smallest scale movie in the franchise. It'll focus in on Batman's detective skills more than anything (though he'll still kick major ass).When the movie begins, all of Batman's more famous foes are locked up in Arkham Asylum. He hasn't been seen much lately. So smaller criminals are starting to think it's safe to operate in Gotham again. Mob boss Don Carmine Falcone wants in on it. So he puts out a hit on Commissioner Gordon, the only non-corrupt official in the city. The first taker is Deadshot (setting him up for you-know-what, but a better version). After that a couple of small-time killers. Then Ra's Al-Ghul shows up and tells Batman that every assassin not a part of the League will likely be heading to Gotham to try and kill James Gordon. However, there's only one to really be concerned about: a man named Victor Zsasz. The rest of the film is a cat-and-mouse game between Batman (plus Jim and Batgirl) and Zsasz, culminating in a boss fight that would rival both John Wick movies put together. At the end, Zsasz is a sore loser and blows up Arkham, releasing the villains for future films. At some point, Batman talked to Deadshot in prison and got him to give up Falcone as the one who put out the hit, so Falcone goes to jail and Deadshot is placed in lesser security, with his name marked under the Task Force X label.

To Be Released: Early to mid 2018.

Marketing Notes: Give a significant amount of focus to Batgirl's involvement. People will love that, so long as there's no hint of anything between her and Bruce (there won't be).

Justice League

Plot: We introduce The Flash and Cyborg as a comedic duo of superheroes from STAR Labs, with a dynamic not too dissimilar from Deadpool and Cable, or maybe Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch. The villain of the film is Abra Kadabra, a Flash villain from the distant future who uses nanomachines to do... a lot of different things. He styles himself after a stage magician. As a character in the film, he wants to shunt the Earth into a pocket dimension (make the whole world... disappear!) in order to save it from future disasters. However, the process would kill most of humanity, which is why the League have to stop him. It takes all five powered heroes to hold him down, while Batman delivers the disabling blow using one of his gadgets.

To Be Released: Day after New Year's, 2019.

Marketing Notes: In the film, Abra Kadabra will use his powers to shape shift into the heroes at multiple points. We can use this to run a “Who can you trust?” tagline, with emphasis on the fights, because this movie is spectacle incarnate. With a simple plot.

Man of Steel 3

Plot: This is the one where Lex Luthor reveals his true nature. The big fight will be Warsuit Lex vs Superman. Kryptonite will be introduced here. Other than that, I'm not sure.

To Be Released: Fall 2019.

Marketing Notes: Fake anti-Superman propaganda clips put out by Lex Corp.

Wonder Woman 2

Plot: Villain will probably be Cheetah, since she's the one of the most popular. Might be good to have Diana team up with Flash, just to bring that fun element in, and maybe some time travel stuff. Possibly bringing Steve Trevor back.

To Be Released: Late spring 2020.

Marketing Notes: If Flash is involved, focus on his and Diana's dynamic.

Gotham Sirens

Plot: Catwoman and Lady Shiva have been partners in thievery for a while now. They're hired by Silver St Cloud to steal a sacred amulet (it's actually magic), and they decide to team up with Arkham escapees Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn for the extra muscle. Ivy has her own plans, however, and it involves using the amulet to turn the whole city into a jungle.The reason they needed the extra muscle to steal the amulet is because it was guarded by a private security firm named Grayson and Sons. One guess to who the survivor of the Siren's attack is. Yeah, this movie introduces Nightwing (he skips the Robin identity). He teams up with Batman, Batgirl, and most likely our two thieves to stop Poison Ivy.

To Be Released: Mid fall 2020. Hitting a rhythm now.

Marketing Notes: One half of the material is about the all-girl villain team, the other half is about the growing Bat Family.

Fall of Justice: Tower of Babel

Plot: After Abra Kadabra's tricks, Batman realized how dangerous the rest of the League were and created weapons to stop them if they ever went bad. Unfortunately, someone (maybe Joker? Who would not be played by Jared Leto- I'm thinking Nicholas Hoult, considering his performance as Nux in Mad Max Fury Road) has stolen those weapons and the League is in genuine danger. If not the Joker, perhaps The Rogues came over from Central City and this is Leonard Snart's origin as Captain Cold (the cold gun is in the weapon cache).

To Be Released: Spring 2021.

Marketing Notes: This'll be the darkest entry in the canon so far. Someone will probably die, though who I don't know. Probably a supporting character, but an important one.

There will of course be more movies, but I'm not sure of the order or most of the details. Here's a really quick list:

Constantine (introduce the weird mythos of Dream and the Endless)

Dark Justice (aka, Justice League Dark- the villain will be Enchantress)

Titans (a second superhero team is started by Nightwing and includes Beast Boy, Starfire, and a couple others, and Deathstroke is the villain)

Crisis on Infinite Earths (eventually)

Fall of Justice: The Crime Syndicate (evil versions of our heroes from another Earth)

Flashpoint (without the major reboot aspect)

An Untitled Green Lantern Film (used to introduce planets like Thanagar and Tamaran, as well as the Manhunters)

Identity Crisis (without the “Doctor Light is a serial rapist” part)

Final Crisis (not the last movie)

Suicide Squad (alternately titled “Task Force X”, with a different villain)

Untitled Justice League Sequel (with the Legion of Doom as the bad guys)

Untitled Titans Sequel (with Brother Blood as the villain)

New Gods (I don't know enough about them to even speculate, but this oughta be cool)

Untitled Man of Steel Sequel (uses “Death of Superman” plot)

The Dark Knight Lives (at some point, probably in a League film, Bruce Wayne retired and Batman was believed to be dead. Now he comes back, because Gotham City truly does need him)

Batman Beyond (so it turns out Bruce needs to retire, too, so he finds a protege to take his place)

Justice League Kingdom Come

Man of Steel: Rising Son (deals with the “multiple heroes trying to be Superman” scenario from the comics, before bringing Kal-El himself back)

Shazam

Green Arrow

Untitled Flash Movie

Untitled Green Lantern Sequel

Untitled Justice League Dark Sequel

Blue and Gold (Blue Beetle and Booster Gold buddy comedy film)

All Female Justice League Film

The final film in the entire universe would be titled Fall of Justice: Blackest Night (the “FoJ” title is applied to all the truly dark entries). This is the finale because it would include every character ever introduced in all the films, at least as a cameo; even the dead ones would return as Black Lanterns.

[falconemuses]

Lying via Omission vs Bragging

WARNING: VERBAL DIARRHEA AHEAD. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

i always get so uncomfortable when talking about my degree(s) in a non-work/school setting. today while i was having dinner at a nice udon place in school/work (look, i always say school by reflex, because my alma mater is where i work, so just - assume that it’s the same thing, okay) the proprietor of the establishment comes up and talks to me, because it’s like 5pm in the afternoon and also school’s out for the semester so it’s a slow day. it’s also COVID, which makes it extra slow. (i couldn’t get into this place for the first couple of months it opened). anyway, one of the most popular small talk questions (and i really should have seen this coming since i work in a university) for people around my age seems to be ��what did you major in?” and as always, my stupid-ass brain just, stalls, because i’ve never come up with a satisfactory answer to this question.

i ended up giving him the (whole) truth, of course, but, like, it just always feels so uncomfortably like bragging. outside of job interviews, who really cares whether or not you did 2 degrees? (okay i should clarify here in case people are on my blog for the first time and are like why the hell would you even need to mention - it’s not like masters and undergrad in one subject, okay; if that was the case i would just state the subject and be done - it’s two different bachelors in 2 subjects. law and bio, if you’re curious.) but stating one or the other just makes me feel bad as well, like as if i’m denying half my entire university experience. like “are you not proud to be from law/science?” “do you like (the other faculty) more?!” honestly, no one would give a shit. as if the professors are listening to me with wiretaps to see if i’m denying either faculty. giving (either) half of the truth is also difficult for practical reasons - if i say law, people will ask what the hell i’m doing in a nuclear research lab; if i say science, when the talk inevitably turns to university life i’ll accidentally blurt out law stories, because that’s where i actually managed to make some friends. (not that i didn’t like the science faculty - but it was way too big, and there were too many modules. you’d be lucky if you saw the same person twice a week. law, there was all of 200 people stuck in the middle of the fucking forest, because they chucked the law faculty out of the main campus and back into the super original colonial-era campus, to make room for dentistry. it was kind of like high school; in that you couldn’t not get to know people, if you were cooped up with them for hours on end day in and day out. even if you have an exceptionally shit memory for faces like i do.) even if i don’t specifically mention law, sometimes i won’t realise that i’ll say things that just won’t match up - like if i talk about how fucking long the buses take to come (it’s half an hour for the law campus, and regular bus waits ie 3-15 mins for the main campus), or going chicken spotting (no chickens on the main campus - okay there are, but exceedingly few as compared to the law campus, which, as mentioned, in the middle of a forest) and then people will call me out, and then whoops! the truth will come out anyway, and i don’t know if i look more like a dick for stating it upfront or for trying to hide it. i read some tumblr post before complaining about people who were fake-hiding that they were from ivy league schools but it was so fucking obvious that they were just fishing for likes. i don’t remember the exact wording of the post but it was something along the lines of like “oh if you hear someone say something like oh i went to school along the coast or whatever don’t ask them which school because they’re just DYING to hear you ask that and then smugly reply HARVARD” or something like that, don’t hold me to it, i told you i don’t remember the wording, harvard’s probably not even along the coast i bet, but basically, the idea being, dropping hints and waiting for people to ask = bigger asshole??? ahhhhhh.

and now i’ve gone and bragged all over my blog too. s/ ahhhh wow so smart very accomplished 2 degrees such intelligence wow /s. -_- ugghhhh. first world problems, i know. wouldn’t loads of people love to have a university degree let alone 2 i know. i’m not saying i don’t want them. (even if it was shit tons of blood, sweat, tears, and student loan debt to get them.) i just don’t know how to answer truthfully in casual conversation without also sounding like a total asshole. i mean if people ask you “what’s your annual income” you can be all polite like “well, i live comfortably” without going like “in excess of a million dollars”. (i don’t earn in excess of a million dollars, by the way.) what am i gonna say! “what did you study in university?” “oh, this and that” WHAT?! that sounds suspicious as heck!

so yeah. that’s how my life is going right now, how’s yours?

[interracialmatch2019-blog]

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[ganeshnomula]

YHack 2017 - What the Fuck is Soylent? tl;dr

This is the first ever hackathon in my entire 22 years of life. YHack played some trick with me, this event let my brain to compete with one of the smart asses of the reputed ivy league schools. I’m happy that I have taken a move towards attending this event. 

I am writing this today December 4th during a flight journey from Boston to Dallas, this should be a reminder for me everyday that from today till next year December 4th 2018, there will be a big change in me. My new year has already started after this Hackathon. YHack helped me to prepare an agenda for year 2018 and laid a path to make my goals sharp and clear.   

Dec1st 2017: Went as a Nomad, but came out as a mad ass with wonderful experiences and ideas. As soon as I went to Hackathon I was amazed in looking at the venue setup with hundreds of tables and many organizers who are working so relentlessly to make this hackathon happen People started coming and forming teams and talking to companies and brainstorming ideas to work on and blah blah blah. But what I was doing? Absolutely Nothing, Just staring at space with no clue what to do and assuming everyone is better than me and no one could form a team with me and all other bullshit started to hit me up in head. Then after this all happening, I just took a minute break and just told my self. OKAY, philosophy time shit head.

“Hey Asshole, if you don’t trust in yourself, who the fuck wants to pair with you? Don’t give a fuck about anything or what others think about you, you’re here to learn just give a shot and engage yourself with people around. Don’t ever compare yourself with others, you know what you’re good at, just don’t fuck up. If you think you’re the smartest person in the room, you’ve already lost the game. Just work on what you think  of, Just do it, Just move on, Just Kill it.” 

After a while, I got to meet Reza Mohammady from FINRA corp, had such a wonderful conversation thanks to him, he has given mail-id and I connected with him on LinkedIn and asked me to send my resume to HR. Later I went on to YALE tour, such an amazing school, here comes the Aww moment, I went to the Law School where Hillary and Bill Clinton met and saw couple of places across campus. By the time I came back from Yale Tour, I saw hundreds of people, I thought they’re giving some free food LOL but, that’s not. People formed teams and had setup their table to start their  HACK for the next 2 days.

Later, I was aggressive on slack looking for Teammates, and found one of the nice guys named Sungwoo, this guy is from Korea and goes to John Hopkins and Co-founder of sketchware and many other stuff and the fun part is he looks like version 2 of me (without beard and mustache). But, unfortunately I was not on his team. As time passed I got to form a team with 3 other guys Amr, Adam from University of Waterloo and Joshua  from Stevens Institute of Technology. It was great to meet these guys, and we decided to work on Fake News Detection. I knew nothing about how to code, in fact I have not committed anything to the project in the next two days. Does that sound bad? Does that sound I’m not a team player? The answer is YES, I am unable to do contribute since I did not know how to code, how to analyze problem statement and many other stuff. 

But, the only thing I knew was how not to feel bad, so what did I do? 

"I took responsibility for what I am today and I took responsibility for all paths I have taken till today and I took responsibility for not learning required stuff though I had many opportunities. I realized what I am lacking off, and this was the crucial  moment that lead me to set my goals for next year.”

What I feel is, In life one has to face such situations to understand themselves evermore and work onto learn and improve skills and eventually mindset and perspective towards opportunities they experience. 

Back to Day1, and it’s time 3, 2, 1,…. HACKATHON STARTS my team and I brainstormed for a while, read few papers and had put some ideas on the table. Everyone started working and after few hours I crashed and woke up next day.

Dec 2nd & Dec 3rd: Everyone has started implementing ideas, and I was asked "do you know web crawling"? I am like yeah that sounds good. But, I did not know a grain about it. I just knew what is web crawling, and I never tried to crawl. I went on reading about it and unable to do a inch, so Joshua took it up. Later, I was asked again "do you know front end"? Joshua asked me to do some React.js stuff. Same scenario, I knew nothing about it, but I saw few youtube videos and able to do a little, but didn’t work so gave up again. The next hours till the day end, I was looking how joshua coding stuff and understanding problem statement and I helped myself in understanding evermore and tried to make some suggestions on the project.   

“I did not do anything. But, I did one thing I TRIED, I pushed myself in understanding what they’re doing and how are they tackling the problem statement. I learnt TO TRY.” 

Time passed, Amr and Adam worked on front end, Joshua did the data crawling stuff. Over the day I went to different stages of thought process from apes to humans and thus figured out stuff I have to learn and in the mean time I was eating, making new friends, and saw RAP battle for the first time in my life and the wonderful Sungwoo who was cheering me, then told him I did nothing.

“He was like, that’s why you’re here bud, TO LEARN. A year ago even I did not knew anything. But, I just worked, tried, learned.” 

That just amazed me.

If you just work, If you just try, If you just commit on what you think, you will do it. Try reminding your goals everyday, that makes you feel good and comfortable in achieving them.

Day 2 done, I crashed again and wokeup next day(Dec 3). I got to know the deadline was at 9:00 am to submit our hack, Joshua was late, Amr and Adam slept since they’re continuously working on making code work. After a while at 7:30 AM Joshua and I started to write stuff and I created a logo for our hack and wrote all the required stuff and submitted when it was 2 minutes left. 

Ufff..,that was a rollercoaster ride. Further, we went onto submit our project some random judges and top 8 hacks of YHack 2017 are selected and presented to all the people over hackathon and main panel judges. 

At last, top hack is selected, all winners of the challenges are announced and that’s a wrap up. I packed everything and dragged my ass to boston and now on (Dec4th) traveling to Dallas and Later to Stillwater, Oklahoma. And that’s a Wrap-Up. 

PS: Oh, shoot! What the fuck is Soylent? Everyone is so crazy about it, when organizers announced soylent is here, they ran like as if they didn’t have food for a week. So soylent is kinda called Developers drink and tastes worse (few people say) I didn’t get a chance to taste one. For more information. Google about it.

PPS: Take aways.

"I FUCKING TRIED"