moviediary
Spoiler alert: I only like bad movies
3 posts
I watch way too many movies and I way overthink them, so I figured I might as well write about it. Watch me drag beloved films with no real expertise to back me up on my opinions. Feel free to yell at me about what I say I'm down to fight. All of my movie posters are available on my redbubble shop. (without watermarks)
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moviediary Ā· 4 years ago
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straight things to do with your heterosexual friends
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moviediary Ā· 4 years ago
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Grease 2
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So, this movie kind of slaps in the worst way ever. You have to watch it with the knowledge that itā€™s terrible, it makes it a lot better. The songs are pretty underrated, a lot of them are low key bops and I would probably listen to them without watching the movie. Itā€™s a product of its time so of course itā€™s aggressively heteronormative even though the main guys are very queer coded just like most 80s movies. The main girl is a fine singer, but her character is kind of boring and really just an ass most of the time. She also has no business being in a movie about the 50s (or maybe the 60s itā€™s not very clear) she is so obviously a quintessential 80s chick from her hair to her leather pants, sheā€™s basically Sandyā€™s makeover as a person. In my opinion the main love interest could have done a lot better. He spends the whole movie doing the reverse of the first movie, going from geek to biker??? Yeah, they all ride motorcycles now, but theyā€™re still called T-Birds which really doesnā€™t make sense but nothing in this movie really does. Oh! And Frenchy is in it, she came back to high school to complete her chemistry credits?? The whole movie is a mess but honestly, I enjoy watching it. Iā€™ll watch it again, I already have.
Basically itā€™s the first movie but gender swapped and with a talent show and biker gangs.
The T-Birds really make this movie, theyā€™re the most interesting characters in it. Their leader Johnny is funny and likeable despite being a dick, he has very obvious vulnerability and growth during the film which makes the audience not hate him. His goons are hilarious, they have some of the best lines in the movie and I actually laughed out loud at some of the shit they said. I could do without the gratuitous sexualization of high schoolers but what can you do. I donā€™t really understand why they have beef with this 20-person biker gang of full-grown adults that apparently have nothing better to do than antagonize 4 teenagers but hey I get it they need a common enemy. I also get that they were going for anger and jealousy when Johnny looked at Michael every time he was being his sexy mysterious biker persona but maybe they should have told him that because that definitely isnā€™t whatā€™s coming across in his face. He has the biggest man crush I have ever seen I swear.
Michael, who is apparently Sandyā€™s cousin even though heā€™s British and she was Australian, really drives the story; everything happens because he wants to date Stephanie even though the only real conversations, theyā€™ve had are just him being nice and her being a dick the whole time but I guess sheā€™s pretty? So he becomes a biker to be what she wants because she wouldnā€™t date a hot smart guy with a British accent, no way heā€™s a loser. I guess. So instead he spends the whole movie trying to live up to her standards which is more than a little infuriating but lets be honest the plot isnā€™t really why you watch this movie. It really only starts happening in the 3rd act anyway, most of it is taken up by talent show hijinks and motorcycle themed music numbers. And a surprising amount of bowling. I wasnā€™t expecting the coolest kids in school to have their own bowling league but that bold choice did lead to a very confusing but fun musical number in which we see that Johnny sings high sometimes because heā€™s basically Danny in even tighter pants (somehow) and Paulette (a pink lady played by Judy Garlandā€™s daughter) has an amazing voice that doesnā€™t get used enough in the songs.
Thereā€™s a lot of odd running gags in the movie that really donā€™t need to be there. Rhondaā€™s obsession with her ā€œhuge noseā€ even though itā€™s really not that big. The random teacher that had a nervous breakdown and keeps almost dying. The teacher whose whole gimmick is that sheā€™s hot and maybe sleeping with her students? But definitely sleeping with the substitute teacher. The fact that Johnnyā€™s right-hand manā€™s name is Goose? A reference to a movie that hadnā€™t even come out when this movie take place? I think anyway, like I said itā€™s really hard to pinpoint when this movie is supposed to take place. Also the T-Birds are on the football team I think? Or theyā€™re running drills during PE which also doesnā€™t make sense with their characters. I donā€™t know man the whole movie is so strange they say stuff and then never bring it up again.
The ending is where I think the movie really lets you down. After a very weird talent show scene Where Steph has a very boring song and is all sad because she thinks Michael is dead, they have a party. And the party is a Luau and itā€™s quite possible one of the whitest things Iā€™ve ever seen its so embarrassing. They have a long song about how theyā€™re having a Luau and then they have a bunch of shirtless guys carry Steph and Johnny into a pool on a big throne/raft thing? And then the biker gang bursts in because they have nothing better to do and everyoneā€™s screaming and throwing things itā€™s very chaotic. The continuity errors in this scene are absolutely outrageous. Then Michael shows up out of nowhere and Johnny literally quivers when he sees him (yeah heā€™s straight) and he singlehandedly kicks out all those hardened criminals. Then thereā€™s a very long and awkward moment where they initiate Michael into the T-Birds even though school is basically over at this point and then Steph and Michael make out. One of my most hated scene tropes in movies, the very intimate confession and make out in the middle of a crowd. And then finally we have the last song of the movie in which Steph and Michael start off with a duet and their voices sound terrible together (itā€™s a sign and I refuse to believe otherwise) and then everyone else joins in and they try way too hard to tie up all the characterā€™s storylines even though as the audience you werenā€™t really all that invested in greaser number three and pink lady number threeā€™s sex life and most of these things didnā€™t really need to be sung out loud they were pretty minor parts of the movie. And oh, okay, everyone now ends up in a relationship even Pauletteā€™s younger sister who I thought was in like, middle school but now I guess sheā€™s dating the dumb guy from the T-Birds but theyā€™re all seniors?? Okayā€¦yeah, the ending fucking sucks itā€™s the worst part. The song is long and boring, and the choreography is bad but then they recap a bunch of the better songs during the credits and itā€™s all fine again!
Overall, the movie isnā€™t nearly as bad as Iā€™ve heard other people say, Iā€™ve seen much worse. And the thing is, the bad parts are kinda what makes it great in the first place. Itā€™s kind of like when they made mean girls 2. Itā€™s not really a sequel because non of the actually important characters are in it (except for Frenchy but sheā€™s only there for like 10 minutes tops). Itā€™s a cash grab but not the worst one. The songs are fun, and the characters are pretty fucking funny if you ignore how weird it is that theyā€™re all like 30. Iā€™d say watch it if itā€™s free to stream, donā€™t rent it. I probably get more out of it than a normal sane person because I read into characterā€™s and their emotional connections way too much I basically am rewriting it in my head. I doubt anyone would be interested but I definitely broke down all the characters and their motivations and tried to figure out their actions, also known as me trying to create queer characters off of very unstable reasoning. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, the people in this movie are pretty hot and most of the songs kinda slap so even if the plot is questionable other things make up for it.
As of now this movie is available for streaming on Amazon prime.
Final Verdict:
On my scale 7/10
Actual good movie scale 4/10
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moviediary Ā· 4 years ago
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Sheā€™s All That (1999)
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Rich and popular makes a bet with his ā€œfriendā€, whose personality is pretty much summed up by the fact that he has frosted tips, that he can turn any girl into the prom queen after getting dumped by his longtime girlfriend.Ā 
Now donā€™t get me wrong, IĀ loveĀ this movie, but every time I watch it I canā€™t help but be amazed at howĀ absurdĀ it is. I mean, clichĆ© plot aside, every individual piece that makes up this 1 hour and 30 minute ode to the individual is completely insane. What universe does this take place in? What high school do they go to?
That being said, I really like the opening shots to this movie, it definitely gives you a good introduction to the main character. Laney Boggs. Sheā€™s political and messy and 100% down to her bones an art student. She isnā€™t afraid to be dark.
In contrast I feel like the first meeting of the main love interest really doesnā€™t set him up to be who the writers want you to think he is. I mean he rolls up to school in a bright yellow Jeep with a Mr. Prez vanity plate. Then you see his shoes when he gets out of the car, fuckinā€™ ugly ass leather loafers. Iā€™m sorry I know this means nothing I just have a hard time believing this jock wears these fucking shoes theyā€™re so god damn ugly.
Every moment that introduces him makes it seem like he should be the villain, he has pretty much no redeeming qualities that we can see besides his wit (barely) and good looks. I just donā€™t understand why weā€™re supposed to like him, this is Sixteen Candles all over again. Hot rich guy, is an asshole, for some reason I still root for and love him. How does that work? What makes these characters so grossly likable? I mean, his name is Zack. That alone raises a red flag for me. Thatā€™s a frat boy asshole name. Zacks are friends of Kyle thatā€™s all Iā€™m saying.
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Once we get through his painfully douchey introduction we get introduced to Zackā€™s equally douchey friends frosted tips and Gus from psych. (donā€™t ask me what their actual names are itā€™s not important anyway, that is essentially their personalities) The first thing we hear is them talking about summer break and their vacations, further driving home how rich they are and how weird it is that adults write movies about teenagers having gratuitous amounts of sex with adults. Then Zach tries unsuccessfully to say something philosophical about them graduating soon (I have to keep reminding myself that heā€™s supposed to have like the 4th highest GPA in their class) They then meet the most 90s girls I have ever seen. Who I guess are supposed to be popular? One thing I do like is how diverse all the characters are, they donā€™t all look exactly the same which I feel tends to be a problem with high school movies.
So we finally meet theĀ ā€œpopular girlā€ Taylor Vaughn, Zackā€™s girlfriend and she immediately breaks up with him (which honestly is probably a good idea anyway) and hisĀ ā€œfriendsā€ fucking laugh at him which he really had coming. I mean. Look at his hair.Ā 
This launches what is probably one of my favorite narrated flashback scenes of all time, not because the topic is particularly interesting but because I love the way they have Zach interrupt her inside of the flashback. Itā€™s a very small addition that really gives the scene style. Also we see this hot girl start dating Shaggy??? Also one of the villains from the original Scream???( he only really plays one character.) Makes me laugh every time. Also makes me a little uncomfortable every time since sheā€™s in high school and heā€™s who knows how old but whatever not important. This also leads to one of my favorite exchanges in the whole movie.Ā 
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Taylor wraps up her spring break story time with one of the rawest lines I've ever seen in a 90s movie (she really did that to him) and the director throws in a classic high school movie trope, everyone actually caring enough to stop and watch this exchange. And while I usually hate this kind of character worship, since this movie is already so bizarre and unrealistic it actually kinda fits
We then cut to Laneyā€™s art class which includes her teacher that for some reason thinks her art isnā€™t personal enough and two clown obsessed Lydia Deetz knock offs. I have to say I do love this part where the art students literally suggest that she kill herself in order to have her art recognized. Very realistic conversation between art students.Ā 
That whole scene is really funny though because it doesnā€™t feel like it belongs in this movie. Even the music doesn't fit which is only emphasized by the sudden bell ringing transition back into a stereotypical high school movie. It reminds me of movies like the craft, the way itā€™s cut together, the way the characters talk, how Laney just stares straight ahead after not saying anything. It seems like she could have chosen a completely different movie to be in. Like if the movie was a chose your own adventure, she could have been in a different genre entirely and the movie would have been about her and those girls faking her death to get recognition and make money from her paintings. which would have been sick. but that isn't the movie Iā€™m watching. Which Iā€™m reminded of when fucking Zack comes back on screen.
Also right before the scene where the actual bet is introduced we meet the schoolā€™s resident DJ??? which isnā€™t important at all but is so strange that I feel the need to point it out. Like they donā€™t just have a guy who does the announcements they have like a disc jockey who is just there all the time??? There are just so many little things in this movie that make it so weird.
So fucking Brock pukashells pulls up and Zach just flips. Which is understandable it is a very gross moment but he just fucking goes off about Taylor and how sheā€™s not that great and he could get with any girl in the school. His friends point out that bitch boy forgot that Taylor Vaughn isĀ ā€œan institutionā€ and basically Zach with tits. Sheā€™s very important. This is something I never get about movies like this, has anyone actually been to a high school where someone was that well known. But also not liked? Like sure sheā€™s hot, but sheā€™s also a grade A bitch to everyone. and according to Zach nothing more than a C minus GPA in a Wonderbra.Ā 
Once you get through the misogyny plus ultra scene and they finally make the bet, frosted tips has picked the girl Zach has to turn into the prom queen. Scary inaccessible Laney Boggs. Heā€™s got 6 weeks to make her popular. He starts off his first exchange with her in the best way possible. By calling her brother Spaz (as his name). Again, weā€™re supposed to like this guy I think.Ā I donā€™t know when heā€™s supposed to become a likable character but I canā€™t imagine itā€™s during all these scenes where he just legit insults people.
I also love all of the clips we get to see from Brockā€™s time onĀ The Real WorldĀ Which make me really question why all the girls fan girl over him given that heā€™s actually the worst, even on the show. We also get introduced to Zackā€™s sister who probably should have been a lesbian given how queer coded her character is besides the fact that she desperately wants a boyfriend. She even goes to an all girls school it would have been perfect.Ā But alas, this movie is gay-less.
We are then introduced to another b-plot in this movie, Zackā€™s indecision about college. This was I guess to make him more human? or something? To sort of flesh him out and give him problems but honestly he doesn't have any problems. Later in the movie Laney points this out to him, he can do whatever he wants. This whole college thing is resolved fairly quickly later in the film too, itā€™s not very important itā€™s just the only thing we see about Zack besides being a perfect high schooler throughout the whole movie. Well that and his terrible performance art and being an asshole.Ā 
After we see that Zack has been accepted by every Ivy League school and their mother (Iā€™m not jealous I swear) we take a brief Taylor being a bitch detour before getting back to Zack making an ass of himself. This time heā€™s bothering Laney at her job which is awesome we love that. Again I donā€™t know why we like this guy he does like 3 nice things the whole movie. Anyway she gets defensive like she always does and he fumbles around trying to talk like heā€™s a normal person and not a walking clichĆ© and then thereā€™s this really strange exchange where he tries to asked her for help in art classes and she says ā€œyou donā€™t take artā€ and heā€™s likeĀ ā€œhow do you know?ā€ and sheā€™s likeĀ ā€œWhy haven't I seen you in any of my classes?ā€ and like, I get what they were going for but what kind of high school is this? how does she have time to take more than one art class? How is she already an art major before sheā€™s in college thatā€™s not how high school works. I only ever had one school where I could take more than two extra curriculars and that was in middle school and it was only because they fucked up and put me in four hours of study hall and so I just went to all of the art classes that were offered. But thatā€™s different. And am I way over analyzing this movie? yes. Does anyone but me care about this shit? probably not, but Iā€™m gonna talk about it anyway.
I also really like Laneyā€™s best friend whoā€™s kind of just there, all the time, heā€™s such a good wing man. He also made the best excuse to get out of seeing that weird ass art show sheā€™s in. Heā€™s like, oh good I donā€™t have to see another Mitch show. Heā€™s probably in his underwear in all of them, I wouldnā€™t want to go either. I think it really says something about the performance art world though, because this is probably the most believable part of the whole movie. If someone told me that his is just an actual performance art piece that they used in this movie I would absolutely believe them. Also one of the weird gremlins in this piece says what is probably my favorite quote ever which isĀ ā€œmy soul is an island, my car is a Fordā€ like what the fuck is that I love that so much.
I really want to know how they came up with this shit, itā€™s so perfect. It also is another one of these parts in the movie that doesnā€™t really add anything. A lot of the movie is like this, I feel like 90% of this movie is weird filler scenes and the rest in plot. Like itā€™s so obvious how itā€™s going to end that you barely even need to watch most of the movie, and even when you do watch most of the movie it always kind of feels like it only half has something to do with the plot. Iā€™m not even going to talk about the weird hacky Sack scene, I canā€™t handle how embarrassing and cringey it is I pretty much always skip through it. What a dick move of Laneyā€™s to even put him in that situation. The whole ā€œyour eyes are really beautifulā€ scene is also really strange, both his lines and her reaction donā€™t really make sense. Through most of this movie when they actually talk to each other I feel like they donā€™t have any chemistry.Ā Itā€™s the same when he subtly blackmails her into going to the beach with him. Heā€™s awkward and barely says anything that prompts a response and then she just goes full WOKE EMO on him and like, they really do have nothing in common I do not understand their relationship. And then his friends show up and heā€™s like, ā€œIf weā€™re gonna be friends weā€™ll have to deal with them eventuallyā€ which like, 1: wow get some friends you actually like maybe? And 2: how are you guys friends, youā€™ve barely ever managed to exchange civil words on screen. Actually maybe that makes sense, this is why he thinks this is okay (besides the whole bet thing) maybe he doesnā€™t realize heā€™s supposed to actually like his friends and girlfriend. Because it really seems like he doesnā€™t like any of them, which I get. Except for Gus (not his name but whatever) because that guyā€™s actually pretty funny and spends the whole movie calling frosted tips out whenever he sounds too much like Kenny from Canā€™t Hardly Wait.
The whole beach scene is kinda take it or leave it too, there are a lot of moments where we see Laney hang out with Zack and other people but honestly through the whole movie there really isnā€™t a whole lot of growth. We donā€™t actually really see them bond or talk, weā€™re supposed to believe their relationship is growing but I guess that must be happening off screen because I donā€™t see it.
One of my favorite parts is when Zack forces the JV soccer team to clean Laneyā€™s house, the kid answering the jeopardy question and her dad just realizing they were there. Oh man, gets me every time. The makeover scene is also pretty cute, I always love those. Also the whole ā€œnew, not improved, but different Laney Boggsā€ thing is adorable and I appreciate it.
The evolving of the characters and their relationships donā€™t happen gradually, what little is actually shown is pretty much in like 3 parts, the opening, the party scene, and the end. The characters are very flat for most of the movie and they have very little personality, but the party scene is very fun to watch. From ā€œGracias, papi!ā€ to Laney turning Misty into a clown, and then the Give it to Me dance sequence. And even though the characters havenā€™t really given me a good reason to care about them my heart still hurts a little for Laney when Taylor ruins her dress. Thatā€™s the thing about this movie, I shouldnā€™t care, I shouldnā€™t like these characters, but I still do, and I have no idea why.
The Brock dumping Taylor thing was great, the parallel was expected but I actually think it added to the story. In fact most of the things after the party actually feel necessary to the movie which is nice. Even the soccer practice actually leads to something. I donā€™t know what it is about the 2nd quarter of this movie that feels so empty but whatever it is itā€™s enough that I saw a noticeable difference when I got to the third act of this movie.
Itā€™s a small part but I also really love the alternative clubs that make signs in favor of Laney for prom queen. Theyā€™re just so fucking funny to me. I mean, Hygiene club? Prisoners club??? What?
Then they pull another fast feelings thing on me again. They throw the mom painting scene at me and like, wow thatā€™s sad. Then Zack tries to garner sympathy for the problems that he makes for himself. Then boom they flip on me again theyā€™re cute and I like them. Then she says that weird thing about prom and he just dips man. And like, Why do they gotta do me like that? I cannot seem to decide if I like these characters or not itā€™s so weird how this dialogue is written.
And then the dream happens? Definitely one of the best scenes in the whole movie. So fucking perfect. It really just adds to the weird slight surrealness of this whole movie.
Then we go back to the school and suddenly everyone is dressing like Laney? In support I guess? Again can I just ask what fucking school they go to? And then thereā€™s the beat boxing scene? Where they rap about whoā€™s gonna be prom queen? Iā€™ve never even met anybody that invested in the outcome of whoā€™s gonna be prom queen except for those running. I donā€™t even think I know anybody who voted. Even so, I do love the beat box scene, they really spit some bars.
Also I just noticed that in that super fucked cafeteria scene, you can see Buffy make a cameo? Just a fun little trivia fact. But seriously that cafeteria scene is fucked. Like, the pubes on the pizza? I wish no one had thought of that ever. Also can I just say I would undoubtedly rather get my ass kicked than be forced to eat pubes. I donā€™t know what they were thinking that isnā€™t even a question.
Itā€™s also really uncomfortable how good frosted tips is at acting like heā€™s not a douchebag. What a creep. If that were a real guy Iā€™d be tempted to call him a sociopath. So gross. But I suppose itā€™s good for the story line.
The end of the movie wraps up pretty fast honestly. Zackā€™s dad and him finally communicate which fixes Zackā€™s only problem immediately because thatā€™s just how easy it is. He was just projecting the whole time, his dad had literally no problems other than being a typical rich dad. Then of course we get another moment with the school DJ who I guess just gets to play and say what ever he wants whenever he wants. Am I the only one who thinks itā€™s really inappropriate how sexual that guyā€™s announcements about prom are? Maybe itā€™s just me and I had a really different high school experience but I feel like people are way too focused on sex when they make movies about high school. Other shit was going on you know? Itā€™s just odd for me to think about grown adults writing and pitching this movie.
Zack really is such a bitch boy though, he doesnā€™t even try to explain anything to her, just lets her get hurt and lets Taylor be a bitch to her without saying anything. He doesnā€™t even try to tell her that frosted tips was just as much a part of it as he was. Honestly I kind of wish that frosted tips wasnā€™t such an asshole his whole heart to heart with her at the door before prom could have been really cute if I didnā€™t already know he was a lying scumbag. But I guess Laney just gets the lesser of the douchebags.
We finally get to the prom, inarguably the best part of the whole movie, all the little bits and pieces. The sex doll guy is always funny as hell. The DJ being the school DJ works really well brings a lot of closure to that whole weirdness. Also that dance scene is fucking great, has absolutely nothing to do with the plot, which actually works since about 40% of the things in this movie have nothing to do with the plot of this movie. I absolutely unironically tried to learn this dance, man I fucking wish prom was actually like this. I donā€™t know about you guys but for me, both of my proms were not nearly this theatrical. I spent my first one playing black jack the whole time and my senior prom was full of people that were way too white to dance. Anyway, Laney doesnā€™t win and she leaves early. Zack gives a pretty boring speech. Taylor goes off on everyone. Frosted tips tries to get Laney in bed and everyone gets upset.
The whole thing ends with Laney coming home to find Zach waiting for her to make sure sheā€™s okay, which is sweet and all but like I canā€™t help wondering how long he had just been standing there waiting. Especially since it seemed like her dad was just ignoring him. Thatā€™s just a funny image to me. Anyway, they dance in the backyard. They kiss. Itā€™s cute. Zack loses the bet so he accepts his diploma naked which Iā€™m pretty sure is indecent public exposure but sure.
Overall itā€™s a very cute movie. The clichĆ©s are sort of made up for by all the weird 90s movie things. Plus it has a pretty great soundtrack. I know I sort of really went in on this movie but to be honest I really enjoy watching it. Iā€™m not sure why. Itā€™s pretty bad when you think about it any deeper than surface level. But itā€™s also just really fun and the characters are weird and thereā€™s too many duffel bags to be normal and itā€™s just funny. Itā€™s really weirdly funny. And it has that same non-conclusion that a lot of teen rom-coms have where they just canā€™t really give you all that much and just make sure theyā€™re happy even if you know there is no way they can continue a relationship outside of high school. It may sound like it, but Iā€™m not mad at it. If you havenā€™t already Iā€™d say watch it. Watch it as a relaxing mindless good time activity. At the very least you wonā€™t be bored, but if you get sympathy embarrassment like I do then maybe skip a few parts.
As of right now this movie is not available for free on any streaming sites (yes I own it on DVD donā€™t @ me)
Final Verdict:
Actual movie review: 6/10
How fun is it to watch?: 8/10
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