#the issue wasn’t the alcohol but it would have confused things

[angeldustanalog]

i don’t believe in a higher power but every night i say a little prayer to the guy at the apple store who looked me straight in the eye and said ‘im just gonna pretend you didn’t say that’ when i very proudly informed him that i had already tried fixing my computer myself by dumping a bottle of isopropyl alcohol onto the keyboard

[hyunsvngs]

𝟓-𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 - lee felix x gn!afab reader x han jisung (side lee minho x gn!afab reader, side kim seungmin x gn!afab reader)

wc: 6.5k

cw: boy x boy skz action depicted!!, reader is afab (gn pronouns used), everyones fuckin, alcohol, mentions of weed, minho being affectionate, sex with no strings, SMUT MDNI PLEASE

synopsis: your best friend is pissed he hasn’t had his turn yet. the only problem is, his turn begins to take place in a room with three other people present.

a/n: i am so SORRY THIS IS PURE FILTH.. i’m actually so sorry this is the filthiest thing thats been on this blog thus far. i’m so sorry. part 5 of hot bitch summer aka LIX’S INSTALMENT :D ENJOY!!!!! as usual, smut warnings under the cut!!

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sw: cumswapping, both sub and dom mc, sub!lix & jisung, dom!seungmin & minho, a fivesome?? of sorts??, main pairings being felix x mc and minho x mc, anal fingering (m. receiving), semi public sex, sex while tipsy?, handjobs, fingering, blowjobs, face fucking (mc rec), dirty talk, hair pulling, begging, ok so maybe a bit of subspace, seungmin is SO MEAN, so is minho but hes LESS MEAN, hickeys, mentions of pubic hair (AS ALWAYS), EDGING (MC REC), AFTERCARE!!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[10:02am] Lix: what the fuck???

Hearing the familiar text chime, you rolled over to grab your phone. It felt like it had been years since you’d slept in your own bed, sans Minho and sans the random screams of the rest of the frat through the night. You’d been sleeping brilliantly, worn out from the new progress in your sex life and getting a well deserved night of good rest in your own bed. You deserved it. However, your body had different plans - clearly you were still fine-tuned to the specific notification noise you’d set to your best friend's texts. 

Rubbing your eyes clear of sleep, you ran your thumb over your screen and where the text appeared in front of you. Huh?

[10:04am] You: huh?

[10:04am] Lix: bestie be so fr rn. minho’s fine, i could barely handle jisung but i pushed through it. even changbin was a struggle. BUT HYUNJIN????? MY OTHER BEST FRIEND???????!!!

You scoffed out a laugh, fingers typing rapidly on your keyboard.

[10:05am] You: i thought u were 100% here for my hot bitch summer? 

[10:05am] Lix: I AM BUT WHEN IS IT MY TURN?????

[10:06am] You: when did u ask????

The little bubble that indicated he was typing popped up. Then it disappeared. Then it deflated again, in a modern demonstration of confusion. After that, you received a very interesting eyebrow raise emoji and a badly worded message.

[10:09am] Lix: film night 2night. we watch a film with the guys n get freaky after? ;D

Rolling your eyes, you sent a quick thumbs up emoji before locking your phone. Film nights weren’t something you were typically invited to. In all honesty, those seemed to be reserved strictly for the members of the frat themselves as a more intimate gathering. Clearly that was not the case anymore - how could it be when you were steadily making your way through them all?

It didn’t shock you Felix was throwing a tantrum. You’d expected it after Jisung, and been mildly surprised when there was still no commotion after Changbin. Clearly Hyunjin was the last straw. That was something you were unable to understand. Why had Hyunjin been the one to set him off? 

You decided not to think about it. You’d need to have your wits about you if you were going to a film night with the guys, especially since you had next to no idea who would actually be there. You didn’t want to ask. You and Minho were fine, better than ever actually, and the same went for you and the other members you’d managed to get into bed. Or on the gym floor. But you hadn’t really spoken to Chan since it all started happening despite having an amicable relationship with him beforehand, and Seungmin had some form of unspoken issue with you. 

It was obvious that he was displeased. Whether he just wasn’t woke or feminist enough did cross your mind - he was an English Literature major, for Christ’s sakes. Knowing Seungmin, his whole knowledge of the opposite gender came from Wuthering Heights or something. You weren’t sure he even had much clue what his own gender wanted romantically - had he ever even been with anyone? This didn’t seem accurate. If anything, Seungmin seemed like he’d be the most accepting of female sexuality. You only ever saw him outside of parties with glasses perched on his annoyingly cute nose and said nose deep in the pages of an old, dusty book. During parties, he was walking around with a grin on his face and trying to cause mayhem. Maybe he was just plain evil, and didn’t like talking to people unless he could be snarky. 

It was hard for you to admit the similarities you both had.

Pushing the thoughts out of your head, you sprung out of bed. You had to have your wits about you in case one of the boys chose a horror film and Felix spent the whole film cuddled up to you crying. It was a regular occurrence whenever you, Felix and Jisung had hosted one of your own film nights, just the three of you. Felix would spend the whole night crying and shaking in fear while Jisung would giggle at every jumpscare. Consequently, Felix would bicker with Jisung about laughing at a ‘super scary film’ and then a playfight would ensue. You were always left to pick up the pieces, yanking them off of eachother and proposing that you all smoked a joint to chill the fuck out.

You had to be prepared for whatever emotions the film caused that night.

Eventually turning up to the frat house, you did feel prepared. You’d packed an overnight bag with a pair of comfortable pyjamas, your phone, charger and a joint. Oh, and a bottle of vodka pushed to the bottom of your backpack. The last two were just in case. You felt you’d managed to remember all the essentials, but when you were standing at the front door, staring at the SKZ symbol, you realised you really could’ve packed a pair of sexier pyjamas. The frat logo felt like it was mocking you. You’d thought you’d pack comfortably, and so you’d just shoved a pair of pyjama shorts and a t-shirt that was three sizes too big into the bag. Mistakes were made.

Felix swung the door open upon your knock, meeting you with a beaming smile. “Hey, whore,” he chirped, new blue hair styled perfectly in a half-up ponytail on his pretty little head. You smiled, handing him your bag. 

“Take?” You responded. It’s what he deserved for calling you a whore, albeit affectionately. He grabbed it obediently anyway, nodding, lithe fingers curling around the strap and beginning to embark to his bedroom. You followed behind closely. Honestly, you were just staring at his ass in his joggers as he climbed up the stairs. There’d been no sight of the other boys yet, and actually, all of their bedroom doors were wide open - you assumed they were in the living room awaiting your arrival. You almost felt bad, worried you’d been a bit late, but you hadn’t really been given an exact time. You’d just aimed for the evening.

Felix threw your bag down on the wooden floor, and you heard the unmistakable clink of the vodka bottle in your bag on its descent to the floor. You winced, and Felix looked at you, an eyebrow quirked up. “You can’t fuck me if you’re drunk, you know.”

“I can, and I will,” You retorted, walking over to the bag and unzipping it. Retrieving your pyjamas, you turned to Felix. He stood there, feet planted to the ground and a cheeky smile on his doll-like lips. “You’re gonna watch me change?”

“Yup.”

“Felix, why are you such a perv?! Get out, don’t you want to leave something to the imagination for later?” You slapped him playfully, spinning him around by his shoulders and starting to push him out of his own room. He tripped over his computer chair, flying out of the door less than gracefully.

“I’ve seen you naked before, Y/N, Jesus-” You slammed the door shut, shoulders shaking as you laughed. “You’re so mean!”

Damn, if he thought that was mean, he clearly didn’t know how you really treated pretty boys. 

You stared around at Felix’s room once you’d pulled the shorts over your legs. Honestly, it was kind of sexy, in a red-flag kind of way. If you’d walked into any other boy’s room and seen the computer setup with multiple monitors and a lubed keyboard it would’ve terrified you. But you knew Felix - and a quick look at the perfectly made bed with pristine white sheets reminded you of that. He even had a massive pink body pillow on his bed made with Changbin’s fucking face on. You knew he slept with it every night - he’d brought it to your house once, and you and Jisung had fallen apart in giggles while making fun of him for it. He was just so Felix. It made no sense, but it made perfect sense to you. 

The sex would take place on the bed tonight, you mused. Then you scoffed out a chuckle - ‘the sex’? That’s so fucking dumb. What the fuck was the matter with you? You shook your head, running your fingers through your hair before making your way downstairs in sock-clad feet, bottle of vodka in hand. 

You cocked your head when you saw who was on the sofas downstairs. It was a typical frat house - random half-full alcohol bottles everywhere, you’d even taken your own bottle of vodka downstairs with you after all - and it smelled just the faintest bit of weed. It was relatively clean though, a fact you could probably contribute to Hyunjin or Seungmin. Seungmin seemed clean.

He seemed clean then, too, sitting on the sofa in between Minho and Jisung and looking at you with an expressionless face. His glasses weren’t on his nose, you noticed. Felix sat alone on the other couch, a red solo cup in his hand and a thick, fluffy white blanket over his legs. Everyone had cups in their hand, actually, and you wanted to kick Felix for making you feel a little awkward about bringing your own vodka. Felix smiled at you brightly while Jisung and Minho giggled about something or other. He flicked the blanket off the other seat of the sofa and patted it welcomingly.

“Come,” He demanded. You tried to avoid imagining him commanding you like that in a different situation. You walked over and threw yourself onto the couch, sidled up close to Felix. Minho was looking at you with a smile on his face, all too knowingly. Felix had definitely told him of your plans for tonight. “You want a drink, Y/N?”

“Always,” You responded quickly, making Jisung click his fingers into a finger gun at you approvingly. Felix’s hoodie was soft as he leaned over you to grab an extra cup from on the floor, quickly tipping your vodka into it and topping it off with some cheap lemonade from the store on campus. 

“Okay, so we’re watching this film,” Minho sprung up, displaying a DVD case to you. Before you could retort with a question on who actually still watched DVDs these days and didn’t just stream, you realised the cover of the case. It was a film you didn’t recognise, but the case had some big-breasted woman on the front splattered with blood and there was a knife present in the image. It was clearly old - 80s? 70s maybe, at a push? Great. That’s sex out of the window completely - Felix is going to cry.

You spoke your thoughts. “Felix is going to cry.”

Felix elbowed you, grumbling. Jisung was the one who spoke up, looking at you with round eyes. “Actually, he’s seen this before. It’s not that scary, is it, Lix?”

“You would say that,” Felix responded, putting his head on top of yours. His arm pulled you in and you took a grateful sip of your drink, loving the warmth of his toned body. It was a shame he was wearing clothes, really, but you had to remind yourself to not be a whore for two seconds. “But, yeah. I’ve seen it. It’s okay, actually, just kind of gory…”

You giggled. Felix pretended to try and bite you in response, making you squeal and push him softly. This was going to be so fucking fun.

An hour into the film, Felix began to become unsettled. He was shifting awkwardly, a fact you didn’t notice straight away given you were both now two or three drinks in. Jisung had started making his weird cocktails again too, so he was staring at the screen with half-lidded eyes. Seungmin had grabbed him a litre of water and told him to sober the fuck up. You wondered if he even knew Jisung, really.

All of a sudden, Felix’s hands were yanking you onto his lap by your thigh. You sat in between his legs, still watching the shitty vintage horror film on the just as shitty television in the living room. You only bristled slightly when you felt something extremely hard and solid on your lower back, so hard you could feel it through the layers of clothing. His hands were instantly on your thighs once you were situated, drawing soft shapes on your skin. 

“‘M hard,” Felix whispered into your ear, drowned out by the screaming on the television. You snorted.

“Yeah, I can feel that, Lixie,” You retorted in a just-as-quiet volume, wiggling back onto his erection. He let out a deep sigh, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “You wanna go to your room?”

Felix shook his head rapidly. “I already ditched film night loads of times to play Genshin. Seungmin will have a meltdown, you know what he’s like.”

Yeah, stuck up his own ass and sadly not stuck up yours. Wait, what? “So what do you suggest we do, Lix?”

“Mmm. Just…” Felix grabbed your drink, placing it on the floor softly. The other three boys didn’t even blink at the movement, still enraptured by the film. His hands were quick to return to yours, pulling them under the blanket covering you both and placing your dominant hand on his length. “Touch me a bit? Please? Not enough to cum, can’t make a mess, just- just need something.”

You considered it. Would they even notice? Your eyes went to the other boys present in the room. Jisung was sobered up by quite a lot, thanks to Seungmin’s water, but he was still loving the film, cuddled up to Minho. It was quite cute. You kind of wanted to cuddle Minho, but you had hot bitch summer duties to complete. Seungmin was on the complete other end of the couch, but his legs were splayed across Jisung’s. He looked just as into the film, taking sips of his drink every now and again. Minho’s eyes met yours, and he gave you a soft smile. Okay, so no one had suspected anything. You could touch Felix a bit. 

Turning your attention back to the film, you shifted slightly so you could run your hand over Felix’s clothed length. His reaction was instant, pulling his joggers down so you could touch his bare skin. You almost laughed at how eager he was, desperate almost, but you had to play it cool so that no one knew. You wrapped a hand around his length, tight and warm, using the precum for lubrication as you pumped up and down his length.

Felix leaned back, his jaw dropping in an almost silent sigh as his legs spread further for you. You were so glad the blanket was so thick, covering your actions, and you were also glad that the television was on so loud - the unmistakable wet noises of Felix’s dick right now could be hidden by the other noises in the room. Not to you, though. You could hear the sound as your hand rapidly stroked his cock, making his toes curl in his socks and your pussy get unbelievably wet at the sound. 

You shifted awkwardly, trying to alleviate the quickly growing pressure between your thighs. You couldn’t get horny, not here, not now - if you both started doing anything more than what you were doing, the boys would be sure to notice. Or… were they really too interested in this film? It was awful, to be honest. You’d seen it before too, or maybe you’d just seen a million films just like it. 

The deciding factor was Felix starting to buck his hips up just slightly into your hand, fucking the tight ring of your fingers. It made your clit throb, swollen and needy in your pyjama shorts. Fuck it.

You grabbed Felix’s hand on your thigh, leading it to your core. He shot forward instantly, chest almost fully pressed to your back but leaving you enough room to carry on touching his cock. Heavy breaths were panning across your neck and he just let you guide your hand to your pussy, passing your pyjama shorts completely. Felix’s breath hitched when he noticed you’d foregone underwear. 

Dainty fingers swiped through the wetness coating your folds, making you spread your legs so that they were splayed across his. He used the wetness from your hole, dragging it up to your clit and rubbing in precise, damp circles across your swollen bud. You wanted to moan, writhe, even beg - you couldn’t do anything, not in your current presence.

“Lixie, your room, please-?” You whispered hastily.

Just as Felix was about to reply, another voice spoke from the other sofa. “I mean, seriously, I’ve fucked you enough times and you think I wouldn’t notice that expression you get when you’re horny?” Minho. Both of your heads spun around to face him. Jisung was staring at you, eyes blown wide and a tent in his pants. Minho was smirking. Of course he was. Seungmin’s face was again normal, lips in a straight line, but his head was cocked to the side and perhaps he looked… intrigued? 

“Um…” You blurted, quite unintelligibly. Your hand had paused on Felix’s cock, and his hand had dropped out of your pyjama shorts completely. 

“Blanket off. You can at least show us, yeah? Don’t hide that pretty cock from us,” Minho said, nodding towards the offending fabric. Felix sounded like he’d choked on air, length twitching against your lower back. He liked that. “We all want to see. You may as well let us watch you fuck. We’re all gonna have seen that pussy at some point anyway.”

Your eyes flitted to Seungmin again. He was smirking now, a teasing expression on those plump lips that looked ever-so-soft. Just as you began to splutter out some excuses, Felix ripped the blanket off of the both of you, exposing your naked legs and the wet spot forming on your pyjama shorts. Jisung’s eyes immediately went down to the damp patch. His eyes widened almost comically, staring at your clothed pussy like it was a flourishing oasis in the middle of the driest desert. 

Seungmin spoke up, then, leaning leisurely back against the sofa. “Why don’t you two kiss a bit? I know you’ll both get worked up. Both of you are fucking pathetic like that.”

Felix whined, tugging your hair back to press a firm kiss against your lips. You shifted in his lap, moving so you were facing him and straddling. The movement exposed his cock to the rest of the room, full length now steadily leaking white rivulets of precum down to his balls that sat heavy between his legs. Surprisingly, Felix pinned you to the sofa, the act of dominance making you whimper into the kiss. His tongue was heavy in your mouth, pressing against yours with the promise of something more. Your best friend kissed blazingly, filthy, messy exchanges of spit. It ignited the fire deep inside your gut, making you consider his preferred dynamics in bed - he was currently pinning you into the sofa, but he’d been so quick to be Minho’s good boy. 

Your ears perked up at Seungmin speaking again. “God, will you just entertain him before he cums in his pants?” Pants? Felix’s dick was out, so… who was he talking about?

You broke the kiss and turned in just enough time to witness what was probably the most erotic scene you’d ever laid eyes on. Jisung was tugging on Minho’s t-shirt sleeve, looking up at him with watering, pleading doe eyes, and Seungmin was scoffing condescendingly at him. The tent in Jisung’s trousers was pitched even bigger than it was earlier on, and Minho was smiling softly at Jisung. With a quick move, Minho gripped Jisung by his chin and pressed his thumb into his mouth. Jisung whined, blinking rapidly up at Minho until Minho finally forced his tongue between Jisung’s pretty lips. 

Subconsciously, you started to push down onto Felix, trying to get some friction yourself. Hyunjin had been right, then - they’d all fucked around with eachother before, and that was probably why they were all more than willing to fuck around with you. 

Minho pulled away from the sloppy kiss with Jisung, Jisung’s mouth trying to follow. Minho’s feline eyes settled on you, cocking his head to the side. You knew your cheeks were burning with lust and there was no way the boys on the opposite sofa hadn’t noticed your hips begging for some alleviation to the pressure between your legs. Minho snorted out a condescending laugh once his eyes had taken your full figure in. “I should’ve known you’d like that. You’re so fucking filthy. You’ve got one cock between your legs, ready to pound you and you’re still looking at me and Jisung like that?”

“They can have more cocks if they want,” Jisung mumbled. “Can I? Please?”

“Mmm, not yet, Sungie,” Minho brushed a hand through his hair, looking almost too fond. You turned your attention back to Felix, where he was looking just as debauched and horny at you at the sight of his two friends kissing. “Lix, strip. You too, Y/N.”

You scrunched up your face. “Who are you to call the shots? This is mine and Lix’s night, actually. Nothin’ to do with you,'' You knew you were being petty - beyond petty actually. You just loved doing things for a response. It was always something that was in your nature. You saw Minho turn to Seungmin, before Seungmin let out a small, mirthless chuckle. 

“Think I’m gonna need your help here, Seungmin. We’ve got three desperate babies wanting to play, huh?”

Seungmin sighed, stretching his arms above his head. He almost looked like he didn’t want to be there, but you could see the hint of an erection in his trousers. He rolled his head to the side, humming. “I suppose I can help you out,” He looked towards you, getting up and stalking over to the sofa you and Felix were situated on. Felix had leaned back, pulling at his clothes frantically as if the soft fabric was offending him. Seungmin yanked his hand into your hair, pulling your hair back with zero delicacy.

You positively squealed. “Fuckin’- ow?!”

“Do not fuck with me. Strip, or you’re getting absolutely nothing tonight. You hear me?” You blinked up at him. Seungmin, who was strangely cute but ever so quiet. He glared at Minho over his cereal quite frequently, but you had seen Jeongin cuddled up to him taking a nap more than once. He loved Pochacco, the cute little dog character from Sanrio, and you’d actually known him with braces for a part of your life. Seungmin, who had now revealed himself to be a super hard dom - and you were actually a little bit scared to disobey him. The arousal outweighed the fear by megatons, though. 

You tried to nod at him, but his fingers wrapped into your hair were just too tight. Trying to move only burned at your scalp, and Seungmin raised an eyebrow at you, a smile on his lips. Oh, he wanted you to speak. Right. Felix groaned, one hand going to wrap around his length to try and settle some of the burning desire. You could hear wet noises from the other room - presumably Minho was keeping Jisung occupied with his mouth. “Y-Yes. Just, let go and I can-”

“Sorry?”

“I- I’m sorry, Seungmin. Yes, could you please let go so I can strip for Lix? Please?” Seungmin let his hand drop from your hair rather unceremoniously, making your head drop to the armrest with a dull ‘thud’. You quickly shimmied your t-shirt and pyjama shorts off, leaving you completely bare, tummy raising and falling with your deep breaths. Felix’s eyes were blown wide, instantly moving over you to settle between your legs and pump his cock steadily in a tight fist. His head dropped to your neck, mouthing wet kisses over the skin and starting a hickey into your collarbone. 

“Gonna- gonna push in, okay? Ready?” Felix questioned, raising his head up to look at you. You nodded eagerly, wrapping your legs around his waist and shifting so his cockhead was positioned at your dripping wet hole. All of a sudden, Felix blinked out of his haze, turning to Seungmin. “Can I-?”

Seungmin raised an eyebrow again, hand palming the bulge over his joggers. “Can you what?”

“Can I… can I fuck them, please?” Felix whispered. Jisung moaned at a high pitch into Minho’s mouth at the statement, and when you turned to examine the pair, Jisung was grinding on Minho’s thick thigh and working himself up to a frenzy. He wasn’t even kissing Minho back, just moaning against his plush lips while Minho shoved his tongue into his mouth. You were almost proud of Jisung for hanging onto sanity a lot better than you had when on his lap.

Seungmin hesitated, looking to be contemplating before he nodded swiftly, just as unaffected. Felix groaned loudly, murmuring affirmations as he thrusted his length into you fully in one flurry of movement. He paused, giving you time to adjust - but your pussy was already so slick for the whole situation that you were clawing down his back after a few seconds, whining for more.

“Lixie- please move, move, please, need it,” You begged, eyes watering. Felix nodded eagerly, kissing the space under your eyes before he started to thrust steadily into you. His balls slapped against your ass cheeks, making the flesh ripple like a strong, dramatic wave in the sea. “Oh, oh yeah, oh yeah, Lixie. Just like that, baby boy. Just like that, yeah? So good for me.”

Felix whimpered, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. You felt a string of drool from his lips to your skin, making you moan and clench around him at the all consuming feeling of his pleasure. “‘S good? Am I good?”

You felt the signature lowering of an added body on the sofa, of whom you quickly recognised as Seungmin when he spoke. “Such a good boy, Lixie. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the pussy you’re fucking.”

“Hey!” You grumbled. Seungmin pinched the side of your thigh sharply, his nails pinching into your flesh and making you jump. “Seungmin-!”

“Oh my God, just shut the fuck up? Lee Minho,” Seungmin sighed out, rolling his eyes behind Lix’s shoulder. The sunshine boy was suddenly grinding into you instead of thrusting, the soft curls of pubic hair on his pubis grinding against your clit pleasantly. His head was thrown back, eyes rolled back into his head. Minho hummed in response, pulling back from Jisung with a wet sound. “Have your toy come and stuff your new toy’s mouth for me. I’m sick of hearing the fucking complaints.”

Minho chuckled. “My baby fucking my favourite toy’s mouth? Sounds fucking lovely to me. Go on, Sungie, you can have it,” You heard stuttered footsteps behind you and then Jisung’s round cheeks were looming over you, round eyes blinking frantically. His lips were kiss bitten and he was eagerly pulling his joggers down to his ankles, revealing his thick cock in front of your eyes. You let yourself smile fondly up at the boy above you.

He grinned back, all pearly teeth showing. “Hey bestie. Can I fuck your mouth? Lookie, ‘m hard, and you were so mean last time.” 

“Can’t be mean to you when your dick’s in my mouth, Sungie,” You retorted, clenching with approval when Lix shifted his hips just right and the tip of his cockhead kissed your cervix. When your jaw dropped open with a moan, you managed to stutter out a response. “C’mere, Sungie. In my mouth.”

Jisung excitedly pressed his length into your open mouth. He was clearly delighted at the idea of being rough with you, because he immediately started fucking your mouth with fervor. You weren’t really responding, just letting unabashed moans and whines fall out of your mouth and be muffled by your friend’s cock. The feeling of Felix fucking you deep and Jisung fucking your throat was too much - you felt used, like a toy while Minho and Seungmin orchestrated the scene and you loved it. You caught sight of Seungmin playing with Felix’s nipples, whispering filthy words into his ear, and all of a sudden, Minho sat behind where you were situated on the sofa. He stroked your hair, pressing a kiss to your forehead while he sat on the floor, looking down at you over the low edge of the armrest.

He was mumbling into your skin, nuzzling with a smile. “Pretty little slut, huh? So good for me, fucking my boys like this.”

“Stop being so soft,” Seungmin scoffed. “You know they can take it.”

“I want to be soft with them, thanks,” Minho rolled his eyes in the signature Minho style. You wanted to smile, but Jisung’s cock steadily thrusting your throat was prohibiting your lips from any movement. When Jisung’s hand fell to the back of your head, trying to force your head deeper - in all honesty, you don’t know where he got the audacity - Seungmin leaped over the couch, grabbing Jisung’s hands behind his back. You whined at the sight of Jisung’s submissive nature, and Felix whined at the loss of Seungmin’s hands on his nipples, stopping all movement of his hips.

Jisung pulled out of your mouth, letting his cock bob in front of your face with a loud groan. Seungmin had presumably pulled him back. You took the opportunity to turn to Felix, pouting. “Why’d you stop?”

“I- I was enjoying having my nipples played with, to be honest,” Felix mumbled. “I like to be overstimulated like that.”

“You know what else he likes?” Seungmin quipped. “Finger his ass, Y/N. He’s been so good, give that to him, yeah?”

You scoffed. Maybe the fight wasn’t out of you yet. “Why don’t you fucking do it?”

“Um, because my hands are fucking occupied. Watch your mouth. God, this is why I don’t fuck brats.”

“That’s why you fill your brat’s mouth up,” Minho said all too happily, grinning menacingly in juxtaposition. “Sungie, baby. Back to where you were, yeah?”

Jisung immediately shot forward, pushing his length back into your mouth. He started fucking your mouth without abandon, just as you decided to give in. Felix had been good, after all. 

You crept one hand around his back, letting it drift down to between his asscheeks. Using some of your wetness that had dripped down to his balls, you swept it up with your fingers and pushed your middle finger into his little asshole.

The reaction was immediate. Felix positively whined, his head thrown back. He started fucking into you again, whispering sweet nothings to you in lieu of a thanks.

“Yeah, yeah, so good, baby- a-ah, yeah! There,” Felix shifted, rocking his hips back between your finger and your tight hole. You loved the feeling, eyes rolling back into your head at the push and pull.

Minho suddenly shuffled around the sofa, landing right where your core was stretched tight around Felix’s cock. “Move back, baby.”

You and Felix both shifted, leaving a slight bit more of a gap between your tummies, still allowing your finger to thrust into him shallowly. Minho ducked down, and all of a sudden, his tongue was laving all over the area where your two erotic areas met over and over in a wet, loud exchange. You whined when his tongue brushed over your engorged clit, and Jisung’s thrusts stuttered in your throat before he pulled out. 

“That’s- That’s so fucking hot, what the fuck, I-?” Jisung wrenched his hands away from Seungmin’s hold, using a hand to slap his cockhead on your tongue. You wanted to scold him, but just as the words started to form, Jisung’s tip was shooting out warm, white cum on your tongue. You moaned, curling your tongue around the tip to catch it all. Being used like this and feeling your favourite’s lips sucking on your clit? Yeah, you were gonna cum very soon.

Minho’s head shot up at the sound of Jisung’s cum, feline eyes narrowing. His tongue shot out to lick his bottom lip. “Don’t be greedy, Y/N. Remember you have to share.” 

Jisung immediately ducked down, moaning as your tongue met his and you swapped his own seed between you. Your hips bucked up when Jisung gripped your chin with his hand, just like Minho had done earlier to him. You pulled your head away from Jisung, hand coming up to grip onto the arm rest and your finger stilling inside Felix. Minho’s thumb went down to your clit, rubbing firm, precise circles. He knew your body too well by now.

“G-Gah, fuck, gonna cum, I’m- please, please,” You whined, hips shifting upwards. Felix nodded.

“Gonna make you cum, baby, I promise,” He was groaning in his deep voice, making your pussy clench and gush more wetness at the timbre. His voice had honestly always had a bit of an effect on you. You vaguely registered Seungmin taking Jisung back to the other couch, but your eyes were hazy and unfocused. 

“I can’t- I can’t cum until- please, please, please! ‘S so good, I can’t hold it in, I’m gonna fucking cum, I-“

“Who exactly are you begging, Y/N?” Minho tugged your head back, making you whine and kick your legs around in an attempt to avoid your orgasm. Felix hadn’t stopped fucking you, hips bouncing to fulfill your orgasm fully. 

You felt tears start to brim at your eyes, threatening to fall. “You? Fuck, you! You, Minho, can I? I fucking can’t hold on! It feels too good!”

Minho clicked his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. “Nope. Felix fucked you dumb, my dumb little baby? You beg Seungmin.”

You whined, shaking your head before the words came tumbling out of your mouth. “Seungmin! Seungmin- Minnie, Minnie, please can I? Please, please, sir?” 

Seungmin laughed from across the room, a loud chuckle that made you squeal again. Your tears were falling now, unashamed, your cunt clenching around Felix tight enough to make his own tears brim as he tried to hold off his orgasm. 

“Sir?” Seungmin chirped. “I prefer master, but okay. Only because you seem like you couldn’t handle a punishment tonight, you can cum.”

You almost wanted to beg for a punishment, mind blurred as you just thought of trying to prove yourself to Seungmin. What the fuck? You couldn’t stop your own body when it heard the command, cunt clenching tight around Felix and causing your jaw to drop in a silent scream. A white ring of cum was formed around the base of Felix’s cock, soaking into the soft hair. You felt your eyes roll back, toes curling into the sofa, and Felix groaned deeply. Hot cum filled your pussy, creaming your walls nice and full of his seed. 

A blistering heat crawled up your back and - shit, you’re still fucking cumming? You whined when Felix tried to pull out, needing something to ride your orgasm out on. 

“I got them. Go on, Lixie,” Minho spoke softly. When Felix’s length pulled out of you, three of Minho’s fingers entered into your hole and kept you full. You whined as your orgasm finally started to subside, legs shaking and sniffing back tears. Felix had collapsed to your side, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before kissing up a few tears. Your eyes fluttered shut with exhaustion.

When you came to consciousness, you were wrapped up in the same pink fluffy blanket that had started it all. Jisung was perched quite happily munching on cereal straight from the box and Felix was giggling next to him, both in just their joggers. Seungmin was sitting upright next to you, fingers stroking through your hair. 

“Wha… huh?” You blinked, looking up at Seungmin. Instead of speaking, he shifted you upright, pressing a water bottle to your lips and letting you glug a few helpful servings down. Once you felt quenched, you pushed his hand away softly. Or nudged it, in your blanket burrito. “What are you doing…?”

“Aftercare. You passed out after you came, and I was pretty mean so I think you went into subspace a little. How are you feeling?” Seungmin was speaking… to you? What? You decided to take it in your stride. He was cute, after all, and he’d dommed the fuck out of you with just words.

“I’m okay. Thank you, Seungmin,” You smiled teasingly. He rolled his eyes, but you could see the playful nature behind it this time. “You’re pretty nice, huh?”

“Only to nice people. I mean, you did pretty well there. I was… proud of you. You were really good, Y/N,” He was looking at you, giving you a genuine smile. You preened at the comment, before noticing a presence missing in the room. Seeing you looking around, Seungmin grinned. “He’s cooking. Do you think he’ll actually make me a plate this time?”

You scoffed. “No chance. You’re like a divorced couple.”

“So we’ve been told,” Seungmin mused. He turned to you again. “I’m glad you had a good time. I’m glad you’re having a good time. Okay?”

So many words were unspoken, but so many words were conveyed in the one sentence he told you. He wasn’t disgusted by you, not at all. He was just… like that. He was just Seungmin. You could finally understand why the others liked him. You nodded in response. 

“Oh, and he wants round two. He’s upset he didn’t get to fuck you with the guys watching, so you better wash up. Or don’t, he’s probably into it.”

You nudged Seungmin with your shoulder teasingly, and he smiled at you again. 

Felix was staring at you, before he walked over to you and threw himself into your lap. You were still in a blanket cocoon, fabric up to your chin like a sausage sitting upright. It was such a familiar action that it made you smile. “Did I make you feel good, bestie? I bet I was soooo worth the wait.”

You groaned, stomping your feet and trying to nudge Felix off. He simply giggled, thrashing around on your lap in happiness. “I’m gonna go find Minho, get off me.”

Felix hopped off and helped you up in your blanket burrito, smiling at you and ruffling your already messy hair. “Please don’t fuck while he’s cooking our food! Love you.”

You giggled. “Love you too, Lixie.” 

Shuffling into the kitchen, you saw Minho standing there, an apron wrapped around his slim waist as he chopped up vegetables. Raising an eyebrow at his ass in his joggers, you couldn’t help but feel the heat returning to your tummy. As if he could feel your presence, Minho turned to you, smirking and looking you up and down in the blanket like you were the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

Oh, yeah. You met his eyes, licking your lips. You wanted a good round with your favourite, and you needed it yesterday.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

taglist: @moasworld @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @queenofthegardengnomes @boomfrogg @hoeinthehouse @msaddictions @sunnyhonie @hizliyuruyen @jyu037 @jouoy @drhsthl @seungincore @jellylver @veedoesntknaur @meloncremesoda @k-poplv @livieloo914 @fekixfmp @fawnpeaks @minnielvr @imastraykidsfan @hanjisung2023 @hoelynecujoh @kyrviu @sxgeofprohets @everydreams-penumbra @chaneomma @kkissreol @phtogravi @secretjj @princelingperfect @personawthai @dirah-h @straykids5star @luvhyux @chuuswifereal @stg110 @cookiesandmilfx @number1seungminstan @skzswife @starsandrqindrops @poody1608 @cutiespaghetti @hwa-0403 @i8rsie @kpopsstuffs @everyonehatesshani @han8ul @velentine143 @vixensss @cuddlehye @sheeshhhhfelixsworld @angeldhd @comicnerd557 @leeknowfz @imwithurmother @hrtsformin @maknae00 @teaholic @ficrecnctskz @tasteskz-sworld @ilychee08 @thehomotron8000 @romynochill @freckleboilix @yunhorights @marrivmel @realrintaro

[caitskywalker14]

Run For The Hills - Toxic! Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader

So this is my first post on here and I’m currently DOWN BAD for Ellie and I LOVE all the angst fics people write on here so wanted to do my own based on ‘run for the hills’ by Tate McRae as the song is soooo good! And fits the mood of this story??? lol. This also is super long but it’s worth it I hope

Anyway, i hope you all enjoy this as much as I have writing it you hoes xx

( toxic!ellie, cheating, drug mention, substance use, situationships, reader is aware its wrong but can’t stop loving Ellie, swearing, hints of spice, modern au, overall negative vibes from Ellie, TW bruises and physical pain as well as mental/emotional pain, confusing love and lust, toxic name calling, manipulation and angst)

Bold is lyrics of the song xx

GIF is not mine - credit to original owner and creator.

Hotels, late nights, hands through my hair

Long talks, red eyes, clothes everywhere

Missing a moment when you're still there

You gotta thing you can't find nowhere, yeah-yeah

“Yeah well you’re fucking stupid if you think that you’re the only girl I’m screwing” screamed Ellie, her voice cracking in anger as she watched you pace up and down her apartment for what seemed like the 100th time this month. Despite it being late into the evening, your clothes were scattered all over the furniture, a reminder of the madness that just happened, and you desperately wanted to gather them and get out.

You and Ellie had a complicated relationship, if you could even call it that - hot, tension filled sex and arguments mixed with the drugs and alcohol fuelled college parties only made the situations you would find yourself in 10 times worse. Not to mention her lying, cheating, manipulation, and endless list of red flags that would lead any sane person to immediately cut ties… Yet there was something about the girl that drew you in. Like a moth to a flame, she enticed you, her words like honey when she whispered filthy words of praise in your ears, fingers rough yet still gentle on the rare occasions she’d take care of you after sex. And those eyes - those piercing, green eyes that seemed to fill your core with heat and desire every time she looked into yours. Ellie Williams truly was something else, and you knew it - she knew it too. Her confidence oozed sex appeal, as she often would remind you during arguements, like tonight, that she could “get any girl in her bed” and she didn’t have a problem with getting “pretty girls with pretty pussy”.

Sometimes, on a rare occasion, she’d let you in to see her softer side. Her front of being cocky and arrogant slipped away when she’d carefully hold your hand whilst tenderly stroking your skin to calm you down at parties, or when you’d come to see her and she’d made a poor attempt of a pasta dish she heard you talk about for dinner and even on some mornings where you would wake up to her softly caressing your face whilst running her hands through your hair as she gazed with nothing but love and affection towards you. The long, deep talks you’d have whilst sharing weed, eyes red and hazy where you’d talk about hopes and plans for the future whilst she listened eagerly, joining in to talk and interrupt your rants with sweet kisses, both of you giggling like children. These moments were what kept you coming back for more, however these were rarer recently as the only things you would do together were fight, argue, cry, fuck and ghost each other in the ongoing cycle of your “situation”.

Deep down, you knew that Ellie had issues with commitment, whether that be with you, college work or even part time jobs - it wasn’t her “thing” as she often said to upset you during fights, preferring to live life recklessly which honestly fucked with your head in more ways than one. How could someone who claimed to love you cheat on you with girls all over campus? The same girl who said she was yours - that you owned her mind,body and soul, had messages and messages on her phone from girls who desperately wanted to sleep with her again. She truly was a piece of shit towards you, and you knew this yet foolishly still gave into her with a click of her fingers and you’d go running back. The truth was, when you cut her off you felt free, like you could breathe and the air was suddenly fresh and clear of all pollution yet inside your body, it didn’t feel right - you began to miss the moments you had when she was temporarily yours, you missed her mouth, the taste of her lips and the scent of her cologne. The things you couldn’t find in anyone else made it hard to leave, nowhere else felt like home to you.

Kissing, screaming, straight back to war

I'm walking out until I lock the door

Maybe the danger's covered by the thrill

'Cause I know I should be running for the hills

“Ellie I’m not fucking stupid that’s why I’m done with you, I’m done with whatever fucked up fantasy this is and I’m done with being treated like I don’t mean shit to you.” You paused in your step, hastily slipping on your jeans and hoodie as Ellie sat on her couch, smoking a cigarette with almost glassy eyes as she chuckled to herself.

“I’m exhausted Ellie, you’ve drained the life out of me and those messages?? Those fucking messages from Yasmine, that girl you swore you didn’t fuck last weekend when you bailed on our plans have tipped me over the fucking edge so I’m done”, you screamed at her, fuelled with anger and rage directed not only at Ellie and her antics, but yourself for being so dumb enough to think she could change. Ellie sat silently, you could see her mind was racing of what more hurtful lies she could spew at you. She puts her smoke out before she starts her talk.

“Yeah well, it’s not my fault you’re just a dumb slut who can’t get it into her skull that we aren’t a real thing, you should know that by now I fuck who I want, when I want, and you” she stands up, rushing into your personal space, beginning to jab her finger into your chest with each word, “YOU are not gonna stop me!“

“It’s your fault that I do cheat. I mean I have to put up with your bitchy whining all the time and I get sick of it. Why can’t you just be chill like the others?.”

You scoff in disbelief at her words, stepping back away from her vicious stance. Usually by now you’d be crying asking for her to stop and you’d seemingly end up back in her bed, but all you can think about is how disgusting she sounds and how you definitely deserve better. “Well I won’t whine anymore and I’m not gonna stop you from fucking whatever girl you pick, because you’re dead to me.”. You turn around, collecting your last few items, ignoring her cold stare piercing into your back.

Once you had gathered your belongings, you leant against the door frame to put your shoes on, when suddenly a brutal force pushed you against the door, Ellie had you trapped. She had her tatted, muscular arms pressed against the door, caging your body so you couldn’t escape. “Babe, come on, you know you don’t mean that.”, she utters, looking into your eyes with that smirk, teasing you with her tone. “You always act so tough and mighty but we both know what you want”. Ellie’s fingers now found themselves gripping at your chin, tilting your head up to look deeper into her eyes, still keeping you secure against her chest and the door. “You want to be consumed by me, you live and breathe for me baby and you know that I’m the only one who gives that pussy a good fuck, just how you like it”, her hands now trailing down to your hips to possessively grab you to further press herself into your body. You let out a small gasp at the impact, turning your head away to avoid looking into her eyes as she slowly traced kisses over the sensitive skin of your neck. Mustering your strength, you push Ellie away from you, opening the door to finally leave the toxic girl you once loved. Before you left, she dropped her last few words.

“You should have known not to get too attached baby, I told you to run for the hills before ever falling for me”

You shuddered. A sick part of you loved the thrill, the chase and the danger surrounding Ellie Williams, but yeah maybe you should run for the hills, and never come back.

The way you touch me

Straight to the heart, yeah

It cuts me

'Cause I know deep down that it's

Never gonna ever be us, oh

Never gonna ever be more than just something that's fucking me up

A few days have passed, and you’re alone in your room. Since your messy “breakup” with Ellie, you don’t think you’ve ever been this bored in your entire life. Mindlessly, you begin scrolling on social media, checking snap, TikTok and the usual sites to see what everyone’s up to. Scrolling through instagram stories, you stumble across Ellie’s. You forgot to block her account this time, you’d been busy doing your own thing and your method of “healing” didn’t include blocking…more in the form of parties, kissing girls and doing shots until you blacked out with your friends.

Anxiously, you debated whether or not to click it - you knew she’d see you in her views and probably boast about it to her friends that you were obsessed with her, but you thought fuck it and clicked onto it. You held a breath as you nervously waited for the story to load. When it did, your heart stopped in your chest, a painful cut seeping slowly through your skin. It was a picture of Ellie in a bathroom mirror at what seemed to be a party, with a girl (a girl whom you actually haven’t seen her with before), bent over with Ellie stood behind her grabbing her hip as the other hand held her phone so she could pose in the mirror. The story included a caption “New bitch who dis” and the song choice was rather interesting at least - “I don’t fuck with you”.

As soon as you’d saw this, you finally let out a gasp of shock as you paused the screen, examining every last detail of the picture - Ellie’s fingernails now painted black, her signature flannel shirt unbuttoned for a relaxed look and her smirk as she looked into the camera, almost as if she was taunting you by her public display of her latest fling. It hurt, you couldn’t lie or pretend that her attempt of making you feel shitty didn’t work because it did. You looked as Ellie’s hand was possessively gripping the girl’s hip, often like how she would with you when she’d take you from behind (especially at parties when you’d sneak off to the bathroom), and you missed her touch. The way her fingers worked inside you, curling to hit the spot that made you see stars, the way they’d pull and tug at your hair when she’d pound you and the touch of her lips when she’d suck on your neck and nipples when she fucked you. It all came flooding back into your head and you felt your eyes swell with tears, stomach aching as you felt your emotions overflowing.

Still, deep down, you knew that it would never just be you and her. You knew your once-ideal-world of you being together was a facade. You knew that you’d never be enough for Ellie, enough to make her change. Despite this, it still hurt and the wounds she left seemed like they’d never heal. This toxic cycle did nothing but fuck you up each time it happened. Swiping off her story, you took a deep breath as you laid your head back onto your pillow, closing your eyes as you took deep breaths.

You made a promise to yourself to rise above it - you deserved so much better.

I know that when it's all done

I'll hate you bad in the long run

But, somehow, it never ends

My heel's on the edge of your bed again, yeah

I get obsessive with you

All that I want is attention from you

Break into my life and break all my rules, it's true

It had now been nearly 2 weeks since you’d seen Ellie in person, and despite her numerous attempts to contact you via calling, texting, Snapchat and all the rest, your dislike for the girl was still strong and you swore that you had finally closed your chapter with Ellie for good. It was also down to your friends (who always were there when she’d hurt you in the past) that literally warned you not to go back or else they’d rock your shit. They hated Ellie and hated her making you cry. You promised them that it was done, finished and over, convincing them and yourself that you hated her.

The weekend was finally approaching and there were major plans for a party at one of the frat houses on campus. You and your friends were extremely excited to attend, especially after a hard week of exams, tests and homework. The best medicine you all needed was to look sexy, get wasted and maybe even hook up with fellow party-goers. It was that one night that you desperately craved someone’s attention. You just didn’t think it would be from the person who broke your heart…Ellie. Even more so after all you’ve said about “not falling back into her trap”. Again, fate decided that this cycle would never end.

The night was crazy, you had had more shots that you could count, cups and cups full of endless spirits mixed with cheap juices/soda. You had laughed with friends whilst dancing to the playlist booming from the speakers, comforted random girls in the bathroom who cried over their exes and gotten a few girls socials (maybe even had a few kisses too but you’d probably forget all about them in the morning). However, all the fun had to come to an end at some point.

As soon as you saw Ellie stood in the corner, her eyes darkening with lust and passion, heat filled your core and you felt those same butterflies you felt the first time you saw her. The music and voices turned to a blur as the only thing you could focus on was her as she slowly walked towards you through the crowd, pulling you into her arms to hold you close - almost as if you’d slip away again if she let go. Nervously, you looked into her eyes, cursing yourself for craving her touch and attention. You were down bad, obsessed with her and it would surely be the death of you.

“You ready to come home babe?” She asked softly, a hint of amusement in her tone as she rested her hands on your waist, rubbing up and down your body.

The only thing you could do was nod as she gripped your hand, her poisonous touch melting away at your flesh as she led you to the uber she’d booked. Whisking you away from the party with only one thing on her mind - make up sex. Touching and tasting your body, the things that Ellie missed way more than she’d admit.

You broke the promise you made to your friends, you broke the promise to yourself and you let her invade your life like a parasite once again. It’s true, you’d let her break you down again like always. All just to gain some sort of attention from her, even if it was fake.

You hooked up once more.

Should run for the hills, should run for the hills

Should be running for the hills

The way you touch me

The next morning you woke up, limbs tangled and your clothes scattered all over Ellie’s cluttered bedroom. Your head was pounding from your hangover as you turned to Ellie’s sleeping figure next to you. She looked so peaceful, at ease and calm as you watched her chest rise slowly with each breath she took. You laid there for a good 30 minutes, counting each freckle on her cheeks, tracing her scars lightly to not wake her.

You wish every moment you spent with Ellie could be like this - it would be a dream come true. Though you knew deep down that this moment would be ruined in some way or another when the girl woke up, or even in a few days when her habits caught up with her. You felt your eyes fill with salty tears as you felt nausea overcome you when gazing at her. How could someone so beautiful cause so much suffering?

Lightly turning over, you stretched your sore limbs as you got up to head to the bathroom, walking in and turning the light on.

You looked a mess - a physical manifestation of your mind and soul. Lips cracked and sore, as you gazed at your reflection. Your chest was covered in bites and bruises, causing you to wince as you’d accidentally press too hard on your wrists, where her hands had gripped you last night. Looking down, your inner thighs were not left untouched with finger prints and bites there too. Last night was a blur, you enjoyed the sex you and Ellie would engage in but last night seemed to cause more pain than pleasure. As you stood there in silence you came to the reality…

This was the touch you craved? These were the type of marks that drove you wild?

How did you not see the physical damage she did to you?

You spent all your time being mentally drained by Ellie that you’d forgotten how it felt physically to be treated like this by someone you were supposed to love and feel protected by. It wasn’t right and you felt like a fool for it taking this long for you to truly realise the impact she had on you. Her touch was toxic, her words were venom and you’d clearly confused love and lust as the same thing. You had spent that much time focusing on the rare good moments you’d have with Ellie, that they had made you forget how unhealthy it all was.

Washing your face with cold water, you looked into the mirror at the girl you didn’t recognise. It was time to leave. For good. Before it was too late.

Leaving the bathroom, you silently began getting dressed, trying your best to not break down and wake her. Ellie was a deep sleeper, especially after drinking so you knew that this would be an easy escape. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you looked round the room at all of her posters, pictures and trinkets she had. You inhaled the scent of pine leaves, mint and vanilla. Taking a deep breath, you looked at Ellie once more, before leaning down to place a kiss at the top of her head and you left.

You did the one thing you’d never thought you’d do.

You ran for those hills and you never looked back.

So guys I hope you enjoyed this first piece I wrote, it made me emotional to write this as I myself have been through similar situations as well as people I know in real life. As I stated this is my first piece so I know there will be some errors as I’m new to this, thanks for understanding!

Abuse in any form is not ok. This work is purely for fictional purposes and not to be taken as a representation of a healthy, human relationship.

Please know that help is there if you need it. You’re not alone🖤

Please show some love and support below and let me know what you think. I might do more of these if I get requests or enough people like this one.

Thanks again x

[lisired]

keep on

pairing: johnny x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, angst, non-idol au, fwb!johnny, alcohol consumption, mentions of addiction/alcoholicism, daddy issues, mommy issues, unprotexted sex (dont b silly wrap ur willy!)

summary: All things love and commitment are feared upon by you. You keep a tight crew and let few people in, cynical of other’s intentions and leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake. If you break other people’s hearts first, they can’t break yours. And yet, it was all too easy falling for Johnny, digging yourself into a depthless hole of love. But he is no exception to your heartache games.

word count: 13.6k

a/n: this was a pretty quick write. inspired by keep on by kehlani, garden (say it like dat) by sza and off the table by ariana grande featuring the weeknd. have fun reading <3 feedback is appreciated!

Through the blurry lenses of your eyes, love was a synonym for heartbreak.

It happened everyday. People gave people their all and in return, they received nothing but brutal agony. You had seen it happen and experienced the heartache firsthand.

Like when your father left your mother. And thus, the baby they had brought into this world together. It stung like nothing else to watch what became of your mother, drowning her sorrows in liquor. She was never the same.

Perhaps she had passed her bad habits down to you. The apple never falls far from the tree, they say.

Irene’s house was your deemed safe haven for the night. It was Friday and you were having a girl’s night out, but given the gruesome work week everyone had, no one wanted to truly go out.

You strutted inside and collapsed against her island, dropping your purse on the surface. “Get me drunk,” you sighed, tired beyond imagination. Not to mention the text message creeping in your mind.

Yeri giggled and slid you a glass. She had already been drinking, you could tell. She got all bubbly when tipsy. She reached for a bottle, and said, “Irene’s getting the good shit. She’ll be right back.”

They got the bottles and poured the glasses. When they were empty, you didn’t hesitate to fill them up again. There was no doubt that the next morning would bring you a terrible hangover, though you wanted to drink like there was no tomorrow.

You wanted to forget everything. Forget men. Forget the way that they all hurt you. Fuck that, you didn’t even want to remember what hurt was or meant.

They were nothing but trouble.

As the hours ticked by, less and less of your sullenness was masked by your inebriety. It became evident that there was something plaguing your mind. You sat slumped on the couch, bitter.

Irene sat beside you when the coast was clear. The girls had either passed out or gone back home if they were sober enough. But you were seated on her sofa, reeking of depression.

“We can always talk about it, you know,” Irene said softly. She grabbed your hand and let you rest your head on her lap. “It might make you feel better to open up.”

You shook your head and quipped dryly, “And ruin your perfect girl’s night? I thought the point was to de-stress.”

Irene gave you a faint smile and patted your head gently. She was one of the few people who knew the extent of trauma you dealt with. Your every secret was kept under lock and key but she protected them with her whole heart. Irene cared for you, that was undeniable. All things considered, she was like a mother to you. But you depended on no one but yourself and you hated seeming weak. Even if you were.

Besides, there was a time and a place, and this was neither. Ranting about your daddy issues wasn’t the point of tonight. It was to clear your head. Nothing good came out of recalling the irreversible damage your father had inflicted upon your broken family.

I’m sorry. Let me make things right, the text you received read. It made you feel a fusion of emotion - anger, sadness, confusion, disgust. What he did, upping and leaving, was unforgivable. It was a sin.

He broke your family. There was nothing he could do or say to make things right, to mend the shattered pieces. If he wanted to leave then he should have stayed gone. He had no right to try to come and intrude years later. He didn’t get to pick and choose when he could be in your life.

Irene was firm when she told you, “I’m here for you whenever you need me. I know you like to think that you don’t need anyone, that opening up makes you vulnerable, but being vulnerable is okay. I’m not going to attack you for being human and having the feelings you push away.”

Right in the heart - that was where her words always hit you. Irene had a habit of always being right, even if the truth hurt. Even if you desperately wanted her to be wrong. And yet, she never was.

But your lips were sealed. It was too much. Irene could try and soothe you, but even she couldn’t always break you. She sighed, but had another solution.

Irene lifted your head off of her lap and stood, rummaging for her keys. You stared at her with confusion. “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking you to Johnny’s. No buts. If there’s anyone that can get you to open up, it’s him, and the very last thing that you need to be in this state is alone.”

Your eyes flickered with shock. It wouldn’t be the first time that a drunk you had been dropped off at his doorstep - and it more than likely wouldn’t be the last - but you always woke up penitent the next day.

Johnny didn’t deserve that. He deserved better than you.

“But…”

“Ah, ah, ah - I said no ‘but’s,” Irene wielded her dismissive weapon of a finger. Her motherly instincts were kicking in and it meant that her decision was final. “Let’s go.”

With no other option, you followed Irene to her car with a slight stumble in your walk. Given they lived in the same neighborhood, you were at Johnny’s place in a blink. For some reason, you felt nervous. That was how you always felt around Johnny, even if you knew deep down that you had nothing to worry about.

He keeps on taking me in, you thought somberly. He’s nice to me. Even when I don’t deserve it. And I don’t know why.

If you were sober, you might have felt more guilty. Scratch that, you would have felt like nothing short of a villain. And maybe you were. Maybe you were the bad guy, the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing.

But that was because you couldn’t help but think everyone else was out to get you. Whatever much excuse you could bring yourself to give.

Irene walked you up to Johnny’s doorstep and rang the doorbell. It was late at night and Johnny liked his rest, but he was wide awake when he came to answer the door. And his entire expression changed when his eyes fell on you.

Johnny had seen you too many times too many in this state and just enough to know when you had spent the past few hours maintaining your friendship with alcohol. It was much more effort than you were putting into yours.

Irene squeaked in her soft voice, “Hi.”

He looked stone cold. It made your stomach twist, just a little. Although you knew Johnny was the warmest person there was. He stifled a sigh and said, “Come on, y/n.”

You shuffled right past him and through the doorway. By now it was routine, yet Johnny thought he would never get used to seeing you this way. He tried to help you, tried to get you to break out of your bad habits. And you were genuinely improving. For you to relapse out of the blue meant that you had been triggered.

When the coast was clear, Johnny shot Irene a glare, and snapped, “Why would you let this happen?”

Irene kept a straight face and took his harsh words in stride. If Johnny lashed out at her, she understood. It wasn’t easy dealing with you, loving you, and she could only imagine what it was like to be in love with you. “I know you’re stressed, but don’t antagonize me for her actions, Johnny. I can’t control what she does.”

“No, but you can enable her. And that’s exactly what you do,” Johnny barked.

“She’s one of my closest friends!” Irene shouted, tears brimming in her eyes. “I would never do anything to hurt her. All I want to do is help her. I’ve been trying. Trust me. I’ve been trying so hard, Johnny. But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.”

Irene never cried. Much less in front of men. She was too busy being strong for everyone else to let herself be weak. She deserved to lash out, too. Being the calm friend, the responsible one, was hard. And she felt like she only got closer and closer to losing you everyday.

Johnny simmered down once he realized that she was right. All of this was unwarranted. He knew that doing this for you over and over again was only hurting the both of you, and everyone you loved, but he loved you too goddamn much to let you go.

It was frustrating. It made him angry - loving you. Being in love with you. Hearing his heart call out your name. And watching you use him just to dispose of him when you were done like he was some replaceable toy. What made him even more upset was that you were showing progress, and he thought that maybe something good could finally come out of it. Now he had to watch it all go down the drain.

Johnny rubbed his temple and sighed out, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Irene took a deep breath and exhaled. Johnny knew it wasn’t like her to lose her sense like that, but as long as you were hurting, so was she. “Just take care of her. Please. That’s all I ask.”

Johnny gave a nod of head and turned around. He was about to go inside and check up on you when he heard Irene call his name again.

“Please be patient with her. She’s trying.”

She loves you. Irene didn’t say it, but it was clear as day. Written all over her face, swimming in her dark eyes.

He nodded again, more reluctant this time, then pushed his door open and came inside the house. Glancing around, he didn’t spot you nearby. He called out your name, and when you responded, the sound of your voice led him upstairs to his bedroom.

You were now wearing one of his t-shirts, but it looked more like it was wearing you. Things had been like that since you were in high school. He towered over you with the skies above and yet he was filled of nothing but adoration. The memories of you wearing his clothes almost made him break into a smile. Almost.

Instead, Johnny sat down beside you and said, “Are you gonna tell me what happened now or in the morning?”

You frowned. People always wanted to talk, as if talking would make all your problems magically disappear. All you wanted to do was forget that they existed for as long as you could.

Without saying a word, you unlocked your phone, went to your messages, and handed it to him. Johnny gave you a confused glance, but read the text nonetheless. It was from an unsaved number, but the contents of the message gave away everything he needed to know. Clearly, it was from no one other than your father.

“Shit,” Johnny said, more to himself than anything else.

You pushed your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs. “Yeah. Apparently he wants to make up for leaving his daughter and her mother when she was a toddler and driving the woman he used to love into substance abuse. Funny, right?”

Johnny sighed. No wonder you were beginning to sink back into your old ways. This was a trigger and you knew nothing else.

“How’d he even get your number?”

“My mother’s rash decisions or my cousin’s spite for me, who knows,” you shrugged, chuckling. Family reunions weren’t your favorite. At some point of becoming fed up with your family fiascos, you stopped attending. There was no way that you would see your evil cousin, your old-fashioned grandparents, aunts, and uncles, or even your mother. The only thing she and you shared was resent for your father, but you weren’t sure what she was capable of when drunk.

Johnny frowned. As much as it hurt to see you like this, he understood why you reacted the way you did. He was your best friend and your lover and knew you better than you knew yourself. He knew every bit of your trauma, down to the rawest detail - your childhood, all of the boys you once loved that weren’t him.

Part of him wished that you had given your heart to him first. He would have guarded it with a sword and fought off dragons for you. Instead, the boys you trusted handled it carelessly and shattered it into pieces. Now it was much harder to salvage what was left of it.

Johnny pulled you into his arms. He was angry. Angry at your father, angry at the world, even angry at you. But he wanted to be there for you, even if you took advantage of his kindness. When you felt his hands around you, you wept into his shoulder. He smoothed the palm of his hand against your back, and whispered soothingly into your ear, “It’s okay. Let it all out.”

You wept and wept, until you had no tears left to cry. God, you hated crying in front of other people. You hated being vulnerable, but it came naturally when you were with Johnny. Ever since you became friends in high school. And though Johnny never made a move to hurt you, he could have. That was the part you hated. Being vulnerable to someone meant trusting them not to hurt you the way everyone else had.

When you were done, you pulled away and noticed the damp patch on Johnny’s shirt. “Sorry,” you croaked.

“Shirts can dry,” he reminded, and lifted it above his head. “Let’s go to bed. You can talk to me in the morning when you’re sober.”

You nodded, then climbed into bed with him. To say that you hadn’t been in this position before would have been a lie, but you liked being so close to Johnny. He was your refuge from the world that liked to throw knives at you. And when you bled, he was always there to tend to your bloody scars. He made you feel safe, and that scared you more than anything.

Johnny kissed your forehead. “Goodnight.”

Heat flared in your cheeks. Safe didn’t even scratch the surface of how Johnny made you feel, but it would have to for now. You weren’t ready to unpack your feelings for Johnny. You weren’t ready to confront them.

“Goodnight, Johnny.”

Even in the dark, you saw Johnny smile. And beneath it he hid the storms of emotion induced by you that were killing him softly.

Between the pain of knowing Johnny was hurting because of you and the pain of your hangover, you couldn’t tell what hurt more.

It was a well-practiced routine. You woke up with a splitting headache, a bottle of water and Aspirin waiting for you on his bedside, and sometimes Johnny would be tucked into the sheets next to you. When he wasn’t, he was downstairs making breakfast.

And when you woke up, taking in your surroundings and realizing they were nothing like your bedroom, the regret settled in. You’re so fucking selfish, you chastised to yourself. Johnny was in love with you. That was positively the only reason he put up with your bullshit, but he deserved better.

And you were trying to give him better, to be the one that he needed. Given your habits of sleeping around to ignore the weight tugging at your chest when you thought of Johnny and drinking away your problems, you were trying to stop. Instead of drinking, you ranted to Irene or Johnny. Instead of finding someone to toy with for a night, you tried to be a good friend to Johnny.

It worked. Even the rest of your friends caught on to how much better and healthier you seemed. Then, your dad sent that stupid text and your whole world went crashing down. You didn’t know what to do. You were torn. Ripped and shredded to fucking pieces.

Maybe it was time Johnny accepted that he deserved someone better than you. For his own sake. You were a tainter that ruined everything you touched and rotted it to the core.

You popped the Aspirin and came downstairs. Johnny wasn’t there when you woke up, but judging from the delicious scent wafting through the air, he was downstairs cooking.

“Morning,” you whispered, sitting at the island.

Johnny shot you a glance over his shoulder and tended back to the stove. He was making pancakes. “If it isn’t Sleeping Beauty.”

You blushed and tried to hide it, asking coyly, “Momma’s recipe?”

“You know it.”

That made you crack a soft smile. He was right - you did know. Part of you envied the relationship Johnny had with his parents: strong and healthy. That would never be you. You didn’t remember the last time you spoke to your mother and your father was self-explanatory.

You shook your head, and hopefully the thought away. It was too early. Instead, you focused on Johnny. He was still half-naked, and you caught yourself gazing at the details of his bare back. Damn, did he look good.

Then, you watched him cook, subconsciously trailing off into your own head again. I don’t deserve him. He went above and beyond for you, from making you breakfast to even letting you inside in the first place. He held you and listened to your rants and tried his best to aid you, but you threw that all away. And yet, here he was.

When Johnny was finished cooking, he fixed you both plates and sat across from you. Apart from giving him your gratitude, the two of you ate in silence. After a while, he commented, “I thought you weren’t drinking anymore.”

You stared at your plate, refusing to look Johnny in his eyes. That would kill you - seeing the pain submerged in his eyes staring back in you. It was obvious that you didn’t want to have this conversation, preferring to leave words left unsaid. What you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you.

Maybe you already knew and you were trying your hardest to ignore it.

“Old habits die hard,” you murmured, fiddling with your knife and fork.

Your relationship with alcohol was typical. Although you weren’t addicted, it was still unhealthy. For the most part, when you drank, it was to forget about the feelings and thoughts plaguing your heart and mind. Escapism was your go-to coping mechanism. You weren’t strong enough to confront your problems head-on.

“You can’t keep doing this.” We can’t keep doing this.

“I know.”

Johnny sighed. “What’s on your mind?”

You bit your lip. Of course, Johnny could tell when there was something troubling you. There was no hiding from him. He was the only one capable of coaxing you of an answer.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shown up here unannounced expecting you to take care of me.” Just like you always do.

Johnny was quick. “It wasn’t unannounced. Irene texted me.”

“That’s not the point and you know it,” you said, finally looking up at him. The expression he sported was grim. It hurt to see the way he looked at you, but you knew that you didn’t deserve his beautiful smile. 

He sighed and glanced off, almost looking offended. “Then, what is your point?”

You shook your head. You weren’t ready to have this conversation and you doubted that you ever would be. “Forget it.”

“No. Talk to me. I just hate when you freeze me out,” Johnny urged swiftly. He hated it more than anything else. All he wanted was your love, but he was quick to realize that it was hard to thaw your frozen heart out.

Eyes drifting back to your plate, you shook your head and whispered, “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Johnny softened up. For fucks sake, you were impossible, but he had too much sympathy for you. He understood why you acted the way you did, even if that didn’t ease the pain or validate your behavior. Most of all, he didn’t want you to follow your mother’s footsteps and become the person you swore you’d never be.

Last night hurt him, too. Patient was all he had ever been with you. He had been patient with you for at least ten years. He was so sick of waiting, but it was safe to say that no matter what, you would be his first and last love.

When the room got quiet, you spoke up again in a little voice, “He texted me Thursday night. I still haven’t responded. I don’t know what to do anymore, Johnny.”

“Do what you wanna do,” he told you, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s up to you. You don’t have to forgive him. You don’t even gotta respond. What he did was fucked up and he shouldn’t expect you to give in easily. But whatever you choose to do, your first priority should be letting go.”

Letting go. Easier said than done. All your life, letting go had never been your forte. Part of you was still scarred by your past lovers. Grudges ruined your life.

There were reasons why you came out this way. Of course, part of it stemmed from your childhood, though not everything and your identity was intricately layered.

In high school, you fell for Lee Jeno. He was the sweetest boy that you’d ever met - or at least you thought he was - and he almost instantly swept you off your feet. Jeno had all the girls swooning and the fact that he chose you made you feel a special type of bliss. Until you found him making out with a cheerleader in the locker room.

Then, in college, you decided to give romance a second try. It was Osaki Shotaro’s turn to break your heart. You remembered like it was yesterday and it was all so sudden. Out of the blue, Shotaro broke up with you and told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore. He left you for another woman. You couldn’t imagine how many times he had been with her all while being with you. It made you sick to your stomach.

After that, you were scarred for life, scared shitless of love. Boys proved time and time again without fail that their only intention was to treat your fragile heart like dirt on the bottom of their shoes. They walked all over it, taking advantage of your blind love. Fed you lies and empty promises of forever.

That was why you kept your heart guarded and under lock and key. You intentionally kept your relationships short and discardable - no strings attached. You didn’t want to trust anyone else with your heart. They threw it in the middle of a busy highway and now it was in traffic.

Trust issues, they called it. Issues - that was your forte. And you had a variety. Trust issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues, commitment issues. Whatever the label slapped on them, they all controlled every moment of your life.

Johnny added, “I know that’s easier said than done, but promise me you’ll try. Will you?”

You nodded your head and fought back tears. Weak was the word you used to describe yourself in your head. It was far too easy to break you. “I’ll try, I promise. But I don’t know if I can do it.”

“I believe in you,” Johnny whispered, voice soft yet powerful. You were convinced that he had too much faith in you. Never had anyone believed in you this much. Never had anyone loved you the way that Johnny did and you didn’t know how to accept it.

Your heart was at constant war, unable to choose between two stances. Johnny wasn’t like the other men once in your life. Or maybe he was, yet hid it well. Maybe he was waiting for you to trust him to break your heart.

Both of you finished eating and changed the subject. It was a relief. Johnny hated making things awkward and you were grateful for that.

After a while, Johnny drove you back home. You hated leaving and Johnny hated watching you go, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t used to this cycle. You stood at your doorstep and said, “Thanks for breakfast.”

Johnny nodded. “Any time. When will I see you again?”

He liked seeing you. Just not after a long night of you disregarding your troubles with sex and alcohol.

“My schedule’s packed Monday through Friday, but maybe one of those nights,” you said. Often you found yourself making time for Johnny when there was none. And in return, he did the same. He showed you a good time and to your definition, that meant a night of relieving pent up stress. “If not, I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Okay,” Johnny nodded again. “Later, alligator.”

Before he could leave, you leaned on the tip of your toes and smashed your lips against his. Johnny seemed genuinely caught off-guard, but he wasted no time in kissing you back, stealing your every last breath like there was no tomorrow. You liked kissing Johnny. Apart from the warm feeling boiling in your chest whenever he pressed his lips to yours, he was just so damn good at making you feel like you were on a cloud.

You pulled back and caught your breath, smiling. “After a while, crocodile.”

Johnny grinned and walked back to his car.

You didn’t see Johnny again until the following weekend.

Not that you didn’t speak. You and Johnny were inseparable and spoke everyday if you could, via texting or phone calls when there was no chance of seeing each other in person. You told him that you needed time to yourself and he both respected and encouraged your decision.

You were busy thinking - an upside of Johnny’s influence. Most of the time you hated being in your head and avoided it at all costs. It was a dangerous place to be, but you were trying harder to not disappoint him once more.

In that time, your father sent you another message. He wanted to meet up with you and was unyielding. The ball was in your court. You could agree to hear him out or you could block his number and pretend it never happened, but it was no easy decision.

Saturday approached far too leisurely. Uneventful days of work and pondering led to the date of your friends’ betrothal party.

With a very Yuta-esque spin to it. The event was casual through and through. The dress code was loose and neither party held good relationships with their family, meaning most of the guests were close friends. It was a pool party and everyone would be in the backyard.

When you caught up to Yuta and Winwin, you didn’t hesitate to ask, “Okay, I’ll bite. Who did it? Who popped the question?”

Yuta fought a smirk and shrugged blithely. “Guess.”

“Winwin?”

Winwin shook his head. “Nope. Contrary to popular belief, Yuta’s quite the romantic. In his own way, of course. He even crouched down on one knee.”

It was somewhat believable. The Yuta from before he met Winwin wasn’t the Yuta that stood before you now. He had seen the light and became a man of all things love and cheesy.

Still, you teased, “No way. Can’t believe the main hoe of the town is settling down. What happened to being non-monogamous buddies?”

“Shit changes,” Yuta said, sighing blissfully as he wrapped an arm around Winwin. Then, he teased back, “Besides, we both know it was either me and Winwin or you and Johnny next in fate’s line.”

You blushed and spluttered, “Where’d you get that idea from?”

Both boys laughed like you had told the funniest joke. You narrowed your eyes, and Winwin answered for his future husband, “I know I’m the latest addition to the gang and all, but even I can see the sparks between you and Johnny. There’s obviously something there. I don’t know why you haven’t acted on it.”

Yuta exchanged knowing glances with you. He probably understood you the best out of everyone present. Your life’s weren’t carbon copy’s of each other, but he had lived the closest thing to your trauma. You weren’t ready. For a while, neither was he, but if he could let go and move on, maybe so you could you.

“There’s been sparks since motherfucking junior high. It’s always been a given that you two like each other and you’ll get together one day in the future. I couldn’t see it any other way,” Yuta said.

That should have made you feel happy, but all you could feel was dread and regret fused with yearning. All of your friends could see you together, but you weren’t sure if you could give him that. How selfish of you to be the one holding the two of you back.

You should have told him to move on and let you go. Instead, you avoided confrontation for as long as possible, craving every moment of his love and attention until the flame went out. You didn’t want to give him all of you yet, but you didn’t want to give him away either. Losing Johnny meant that he would never be yours. Maybe that was what it would take for you to open your eyes.

New guests caught Winwin’s eye and he tugged on his fiancé’s arm. “We’ll catch up with you later, we have to greet the other guests. Come on, Yuta.”

“You go ahead, babe. I’ll be right behind you in a minute,” Yuta dismissed. Winwin only nodded and went to greet their guests. Then, Yuta turned to you and quietly asked, “Everything okay between you and Johnny?”

“It’s your engagement party. Don’t worry about us,” you sighed, searching for the bar through the corners of your eyes.

Yuta was quick to retort, “And you’re my friends. I can worry about you whenever I want. Now, what’s up?”

You bit your lip. This wasn’t the kind of conversation you had in the middle of a betrothal party, but Yuta was adamant. You thought about the last time you had seen Johnny, how you felt when you kissed him. God, you missed the feeling of his lips on yours. Whenever Johnny was near your side you wished that you could hit pause on time. It was funny how the most beautiful moments in life were the most short-lived ones.

Your voice was small when you said, “I’m not a good person, Yuta.”

Yuta glanced at you curiously, eyes urging you on. “What you do?”

“I let Johnny down. A couple of weeks ago I told him that I’d try to break out of my habits. And I was actually doing better. I stopped resorting to drinking whenever something inconvenienced me and finding one-night stands to forget about Johnny.”

Yuta nodded along. “And then?”

“And then, my dad texted me and said he wanted to make things right between us, and I didn’t know what else to do. I got drunk last Friday night and Irene took me to Johnny’s house. I don’t remember much, but I know I winded up telling him what happened and crying on his shoulder,” you chuckled sourly. “He made me breakfast the next morning and we talked about it. And I feel bad because he doesn’t deserve none of this shit. He deserves someone better.”

He deserves someone that isn’t afraid to love him.

“Are you gonna be that person?” Yuta questioned, tone genuine.

I want to be. You exhaled. You didn’t know the answer to that.

You blinked, feeling tears threatening to fall. “I don’t know. The worst part is he has so much faith in me when I’m not even sure about myself. He should have walked away a long time ago, but he’s still here, waiting for me.”

“He’s ready when you are. But you aren’t ready yet, are you?”

Shaking your head, you frowned. You were far from.

“Be better. Do better,” Yuta said assertively. “I know that’s harder than it sounds, but you gotta try. Figure that shit out with your dad. What you choose to do is none of my business, but you have to heal and let it go so that you can be a better person for yourself and for Johnny.”

“That’s practically what Johnny said.”

“Great minds think alike,” Yuta grinned.

You snickered. “You got engaged and got all wise and shit, huh?”

“You know the tale. My dad was a drunk and treated me and my Mom like shit. It was up to me to decide if I wanted to grow into him, or if I wanted to be better,” he spoke monotonously.

But you were scared. You wanted to do things the right way, but you weren’t certain if you knew how. “What if I mess up?”

Yuta didn’t hesitate. “The point of mistakes is to learn. We all fuck up once or twice. That way, you know what not to do so you don’t fuck up the third time. It sucks, but that’s the way life works. Don’t make the same mistake thrice.”

He spoke the gospel. Where your family lacked, you were at least glad to have supportive friends. They were kind and you knew at the end of the day, they were people you could confide in. Maybe you would do it more often.

“I won’t,” you told Yuta. You sounded firm.

“Good,” he replied, and scanned the crowd for Winwin. “Now I gotta go with Winwin before he beats my ass in front of everybody. You go find Johnny, alright?”

You nodded. That you would. It had been too long since you had heard his voice and felt his touch and you were craving a taste. With that, Yuta left to join his husband-to-be and you scanned the crowd for your own lover.

In an instant your eyes landed on Johnny and you could spot him in any crowd. He was at the edge of the pool talking to Ten, who you caught casting Johnny a wink before walking away once he noticed you coming over.

When you got there, you crouched down and sat next to him. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Johnny greeted, instinctively wrapping an arm around your waist. “You look great.”

You blushed. This morning you had deliberately chosen the sexiest bikini set in your wardrobe. It raised the stakes and given how addicted Johnny was to your body, your chances at getting laid tonight. “You look the best.”

Johnny was also half-naked, obviously. And damn did he look gorgeous. You bit your lip. You were thoroughly convinced that the gods themselves had sculpted him. His body was to die for and you were offering yourself up.

Johnny joked, “I won’t argue with that.”

You snickered and nudged his side.

“How was your work week?”

Johnny groaned and you immediately knew the answer to that question. “I’m stressed and exhausted. I need an outlet for my pent up frustration.”

“Oh?” you stammered, mouth suddenly dry.

“Yeah,” Johnny said. His hand ran up and down your back and he leaned to your side, whispering, “Good thing I have you, right?”

There was a crushing weight on your chest that made it difficult to breathe. Whenever Johnny was near you, the pressure came back, and it only got more intense when he did things like that. The effect he had on you was strong and he had you tingling with lust.

“Yeah,” you murmured back, trying hard to keep your cool and avoid appearing anything other than indifferent. But he could see right through you. “Good.”

“What about you?” Johnny pressed. “How was your week?”

“I don’t wanna think about it,” you grumbled.

Johnny was so close to you that you could feel the warmth of his body radiating your skin. Given the sunny weather, you were already hot, but something about this felt internal. It was like trying to breathe on the moon. Johnny parted his lips and suggested, “Kiss me until you forget about it.”

There was no need to tell you twice. You initiated the kiss, steering his lips to yours until they met with a clash. Johnny took control, arms still wrapped around you as he took passion to another level. It wasn’t long before you were sucking on each other’s tongues. You crawled into his lap for easier access, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible.

Heat flared from your chest to Johnny’s and vice versa, spreading from bone to bone at the skin on skin contact. Whenever you made out, it was like you were floating in air or navigating through space with no gravity. His hands clung to your body and you were on a cloud, elevating and trying your hardest to refrain from grinding down on his crotch.

Johnny deepened the kiss, holding you tightly as possible and moving his mouth against yours fiercely. His heart was thundering against and threatening to leap out of the cage of his bare, burly chest. God, there was no greater pleasure than kissing you and feeling your warm body on his. But you both were putting all of your strength into resisting each other and it was too much. The feelings were overbearing.

When you both pulled away, you exhaled little breaths, hearts racing. You looked Johnny in his lustful eyes and heaved, “I like kissing you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You taste good as hell,” you flirted.

“Mm,” Johnny hummed, nodding his head. He pulled you square to his chest, face hovering hardly inches over yours. You gulped, which undoubtedly didn’t go unnoticed. “What do I taste like?”

You pressed your palms to his naked chest, purring, “Strawberry champagne.” 

“Yeah, you missed the bottle popping,” he chuckled. God knows you would have loved that.

Faking a pout, you replied, “Bummer. I was too busy trying on different bikinis.”

“You wear this all for me?” Johnny flirted, ever the intuitive man. Unbeknownst to you, he had been eyeing you from the moment you stepped onto the scene. And the second he laid eyes on you in your bright red bikini, he knew that he had to have his way with you.

“Especially for you. I know blue’s your favorite color, but red suits me better.”

“You make short work of supermodels in anything you wear,” Johnny growled. He was looking at you from head to toe, as if he were going to swallow you whole.

“You’re just saying that because you wanna have sex with me.”

Johnny wasted no time in shutting you down. “I’m saying it because it’s true. Sex would be a nice bonus, though.”

You laughed.

“Come swim with me,” Johnny said, gently sitting you back on the edge of the pool before coming to his feet.

You hesitated. “Won’t Yuta be upset we ditched him at his engagement party?”

“That wasn’t a question,” Johnny added, lowering his voice. Which definitely did unspeakable things to you. “And trust me - Yuta doesn’t give a flying fuck as long as we join in when it’s time to gather around and shit.”

That was true. It didn’t mean Yuta had unsophisticated tastes, he simply just didn’t care for rules and formalities - untraditional by any means. Winwin was the opposite. Conventional to a fault, he was a man of decorum and the party was a clear mix of both of their personalities. Somehow, they both made it work.

Ignore the pace of your heartbeat, you muttered, “Okay,” and sunk into the pool.

Johnny followed suit with a tiny splash, swimming to your side. Being in the water felt good, all things considered. It was cold and gave your brain - and body - a quick refresh.

“You know, this reminds me of high school,” he started, pensive. “When Joy threw that pool party on the first night of summer break, and Jaehyun pushed you into the pool as a joke.”

The memory made you roll your eyes. In high school you were nothing if not a bunch of stupid teenagers. “He’s lucky I didn’t let myself drown and have my Mom sue him for everything he’s worth. Now that I think about it, I should have. Every penny to his name. Mommy and Daddy Jung would have killed him.”

Johnny chuckled. “Oh for sure. He would have been taking the city bus instead of high-end luxury cars and gotten a job at the nearest McDonald’s like the rest of us.”

“Damn nepo baby,” you shook your head and sighed. “Gotta love him, though.”

“To be born into wealth,” Johnny sighed dramatically.

You giggled.

Moments later, a thought passed your mind. A memory - the beautiful kind. You fought a smile and asked, “You know what else happened at that party?”

Johnny gave you a long, hard cook. It was practically inscrutable and noncommittal. If he had any idea what you were referring to, the only thing that gave it away was the slight smile on his face for a mere fraction of a second.

Of course, he knew. How could he forget? It was easily one of the best moments of his life, made even better because it was spent underneath the moonlight with you.

He shrugged, feigning oblivion. “What happened?”

“We made out for the first time,” you reminded, voice little. “We were each other’s first kiss.”

The memory was anything but vague. The both of you were a little drunk, and somehow found yourselves in each other’s embrace. And then, in each other’s mouths. For someone who had never made out with anyone before, then-Johnny kissed you like royalty. With every intention to conquer your mind, heart, and body.

In that sense, you guessed he had been successful. Johnny lived rent-free in your mind and had built a little home both there and in your heart, with enough room for the both of you. Not to mention your body. You were counting down the seconds until you could get him in the sheets right now. In your attempts to keep him out, you had simultaneously been giving him access to the most vulnerable parts of you.

To say nothing of himself. Johnny wished he could turn back time. Part of him wished that he could undo meeting you and falling in love with you, because he was beginning to lose faith in the two of you. The other part of him loved you too goddamn much to even begin to imagine a world without you in it. It wouldn’t be worth living.

“I remember,” Johnny assured, finally letting himself smile. He couldn’t control it. “Wanna know what you tasted like?”

You squinted. “What?”

“Guess.”

You rolled your eyes and deadpanned, “Your mother’s chocolate chip cookies.”

Johnny’s laugh was mocking. “You wish.”

Whining, you said, “Tell me! I don’t remember.”

He gave in - though because he wanted to and not because you told him to - and replied, “Tequila.”

“The cheap kind?”

“Nope. I’m sure Jaehyun stole that from Mommy and Daddy Jung’s liquor stash,” he quipped.

You snickered. It was a relief that he was good at directing conversation. For a moment, you thought that it was going south. God knows the past was a sensitive subject.

Although he said nothing, Johnny couldn’t help but think about it. For years, he had been in love with you. He remembered meeting you like it was yesterday - you were the new kid in school and Johnny was the one kind enough to be your friend. He showed you around, ate lunch with you, studied with you, and introduced you to his friend group. In no time, you were best friends.

You were his first kiss. Johnny knew he wanted you that night. When he pressed his lips to yours and felt his body elevating into the clouds above, he knew.

Eventually you became a series of each other’s firsts. First kisses, first times, first loves. You had been vulnerable to each other in ways that you hadn’t with anyone else.

And you, you were multifaceted. Johnny had seen the rawest sides of you and fell hard and deep in love with each one - the beautiful and the ugly. All of those things made you fall for Johnny, too, but you noticed it a little later than he did, once it was too late. Which hindered his progress.

By the time you realized you were in love with Johnny, you had already given your heart to the wrong people. That was why you couldn’t comprehend how someone would ever be able to offer you their love, and mean it. That was why you trusted no one.

Forget being your first. Johnny wanted to be your last and as the clock ticked, his chances felt slimmer and slimmer.

You stared at his lips, not even attempting to hide the direction your eyes were searching. “I want strawberry champagne.”

Johnny tilted his head. He had x-ray vision when it came down to your intentions, though this game he wouldn’t mind playing along with. “Do you?”

When you nodded, Johnny took the bait and leaned in to kiss you. It was like magic. Every time felt as surreal as the first one. You just couldn’t believe that you were blessed enough to have him at your fingertips.

Johnny was the same. I love her. It was old news to almost everyone, though the realization hit Johnny the same way it had that night when he first tasted you. When he realized that you were the one and only love of his life.

Sucking on Johnny’s tongue and moaning into his mouth, soaking in all his little sounds was all you wanted to do. Maybe this was why Yuta said you and Johnny would be next in fate’s line. It would be a lie to say that you hadn’t dreamt of having your daddy walk you down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

Though if there was anything that you had learned, it was that fate was an evil lady and she had it out for you.

Johnny soon backed off. He hadn’t had his fill, but you were driving him crazy. And as much as he wanted to be a good friend to Yuta, the urge to drag you away for a fuck was growing stronger. He warned in a low tone, “We’ll miss the rest of the party if you keep kissing me.”

“What’s so bad about that?” you purred, leaning closer to his face. You could feel each other’s breath on your skin. “We can have a party of our own.”

To your credit, you were dangerously skilled at tempting Johnny. It made him feel bad to think that you practically already were having a party of your own. Both of you were surrounded by people, but to him, it felt like there was no one else around you. The sound of your voice and laughter had been drowning out the sound of the presence of people.

With the last of his restraint and self-control, he said, “Mm, that’s tempting. But no. Be a good girl and be patient.”

Immediately, you frowned, but didn’t dare disobey. Johnny would give you what you wanted sooner or later because you knew that he wanted you, too. And though you had your flaws, you weren’t terrible enough to dip in the middle of your friend’s betrothal party.

“Fine,” you said exasperatedly, peeling yourself off of him. “But you better make it up to me later.”

Johnny gave you one last kiss to placate you a little, then whispered softly in your ear, “Don’t I always?”

That he did.

For the better half of the evening, both of you decided to interact with other people, including the ones being celebrated. Most of the time you and Johnny were incapable of resisting each other, and with the thoughts plaguing your minds, there was no way on earth that you would survive side to side without breaking your agreement.

You had a fun time, but you were more than relieved when Winwin announced that he and Yuta wanted some alone time. Everyone said their goodbyes and you raced to Johnny’s side.

“My place or yours?”

“Mine’s closer. Meet you there?” Johnny asked, though he already knew you would. You were practically careening to your car the moment he got the words out.

“Meet you there!”

Both of you arrived in turn, with you slightly ahead of him. You didn’t even wait for him to pull into the driveway before you were rummaging through your purse for the extra key Johnny had bestowed upon you long ago.

It was game over once he stepped out of his car and you were only alone for a split second before he entered, wasting no time in backing you against a wall and stealing a kiss. Johnny always kissed you like it was the last time he would ever get the chance. There was something eager in the way that his mouth moved against yours. It was heated, unchaste. He kissed you so hard that it was impossible to keep up with his pace.

“Someone’s desperate,” you teased through shallow breaths. Johnny nibbled at your ear and you sighed, pitching your head back against the plaster.

He ribbed, breath tickling your neck, “You’d oughta know a thing or two about being desperate. Seeing as you got to my house before me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Under any other circumstances, Johnny would have teased you and made you wait before he kissed you again. Though seeing as he had been waiting too goddamn long for this moment, all he could do was cave.

Goddamn, his lips were soft. In contrast to the rough manner he handled your body. Everything was escalating too quickly and you were being dug into the wall by the weight of his body. There was so much tension in the room that you could hardly even breathe through it.

Johnny nudged his knee between your thighs and stuck his hand down your bottoms, the other roaming your body. “You’re so wet for me.”

“Do something about it,” you whined.

Johnny sneered. Part of him was half-tempted to tease the living hell out of you and see how much you could take. The other was losing hold of his heavy load of patience much more quickly than he would have liked.

“Wanna fuck in the shower to wash off the chlorine? Kill two birds with one stone.”

“Just don’t let me fall.”

He smiled. “I would never.”

Before you knew it, he was lifting you up in his arms like you weighed nothing. You squealed when you felt yourself being hauled into the air, locking your legs around his waist and resting your head on his shoulder. It felt too right being in his hold. As if it was supposed to be this way.

Maybe it was.

Johnny carried you to his bedroom and you clung to his chest for dear life. While he went in the bathroom to run the shower, you began to quickly peel off your clothes. You were on the threshold of insanity, bursting at the seams with lust. 

When the water was hot, Johnny stepped into the shower and you followed suit. As soon as your feet hit the non-skid shower mat Johnny shoved you against the wall, and the noise you made was eaten by the force of his lips. Your palms rose to his wet chest and his mouth fell from yours to your collarbone, soft and plush against your skin.

He simply couldn’t stay away. He spread your thighs apart and slipped one of hands back between them, this time moving them inside of you. Much to your pleasure. “Johnny,” you whimpered, breathless.

The sound of your lips parting to emit his name was like music to his ears and a melody stuck in his head. Thoughts of you underneath him, crying out his name whilst taking his size kept him up late at night, wishing he could rewind time to feel you back in his arms again. Where you belonged. It took every bit of willpower he had not to beg you to stay.

“Think you’re ready for me?” Johnny asked, leering at you with the darkest gaze that made your stomach churn.

You nodded. Johnny was big, that was undeniable, but you had taken every inch of his ungodly combination of length and girth countless times before like a champ. It was almost nothing to you.

He removed his fingers from your cunt and before you got the chance to whine from the emptiness, your lips were widening to sigh at the feeling of his bare cock brushing against your folds. Every second felt like minutes and your patience was wearing more and more thin. You needed him and you needed him right now.

Then, Johnny finally pushed inside, taking his sweet time to fill you. You swallowed him in with ease, simultaneously sucking in the deepest breath you could take. His eyes fell on your chest, water trickling down the swell of your breasts as you inhaled and exhaled.

Maybe taking him wasn’t like nothing. You felt not an ounce of pain, but the pleasure of having him fill you to the uttermost was overwhelming. The stretch meant something.

The moment the head of his girth prodded your entrance Johnny had already felt you pulsing tightly around him and you only kept clenching the deeper he pushed inside. You raced to anchor yourself, clawing at his shoulders while he pushed you firmer against the wall and he caged you between his big arms.

Johnny kissed your neck, then growled, “So tight for me.”

“All for you,” you stammered through thick breaths. It was too hot to breathe. The water burned your skins and Johnny made you erupt in flames all over.

Johnny grinned smugly.

Through hooded eyes, you soaked in the sight of water cascading down his neck - where his muscles flexed - and chest. For the better half of your life, Johnny had been a presence, but you would never get used to how gorgeous he was. His beauty was so ethereal to the point that it felt forbidden to be able to touch him like this. He was sent from the heavens above, both a blessing and a curse to you and your body.

The chains of restraint that bounded him snapped and Johnny latched his mouth to your nipple, meriting an automatic sigh of pleasure from your lips. With how close he was, you wondered if he could feel the thud of your heartbeat. It was racing inside your chest, the feelings you had for him raining hail and begging for freedom. Your heart was bursting at the seams with your love for Johnny and it pleaded desperately for you to unlock its door.

“You’re so hot,” Johnny whispered, keeping himself occupied with your body. Your brain was going into autopilot.

From Johnny’s perspective, your body was a treasure, and he knew its map by heart. All of your weaknesses were on display in his mind and he could choose whichever one he wanted to use to his advantage. He knew what felt good and what felt earth-shattering, and judging from the way you throttled his cock, this was the latter.

Neither you or Johnny talked too much during sex. It was difficult to speak when you were being fucked divested of every little thought you possessed and your mouth was too busy producing other noises.

And all Johnny hoped was that his body could say everything that words could not.

He couldn’t think of anyone else when he was with you, and when you were with someone else, you were still thinking of Johnny. Given the amount of nights you had spent searching for one-night stands you were no stranger to sex, but Johnny made it feel different. The emotions were stronger and so was the yearning. The two of you fucked each other like you had never wanted anything so badly before in your lives.

Johnny struck you somewhere deep and you rasped, “Fuck, baby.”

Fuck, he felt good. Even though you were prone to running away, there was no doubt that you would find yourself coming back for more. Johnny was your home and your heart would always drag you back to him. He owned your body. Whatever he desired to do with you - to you - you would let him. At the end of the day, you were his. Whether he knew it and you accepted it or not.

It wasn’t a choice. It was a feeling.

Looking at the dazed expression on your face gave him deja vu. The first time Johnny had sex with you, he genuinely thought that his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He was nervous, but if anything, dedicated. He vowed to himself that he would learn the ways of your body and put your pleasure before his. Which he did.

It was college, months before you met your soon-to-be ex, and you were freshmen. Giving your virginity to one another was one of the most unsurprising things that you two had ever done. At least back then, you were thick as thieves and did everything together. Who better to give it to than the one you could always bet on?

He still remembered that night like it was yesterday. All of your friends were going to a party, but you snuck inside his dorm while his roommates were away. One thing led to another and soon you were writhing beneath him, calling out his name like it was the only word you knew.

His feelings for you only heightened.

Johnny could still remember how heartbroken he was when you got with another man again - and how angry he was when he broke your heart just like the last guy. The emotions were so prominent that he could still feel them now. How long would it take you to realize that the man meant for you was already right by your side?

Even if he wasn’t the perfect match for you, Johnny knew deep down that he could love you better, because he already had without even needing to be in a relationship with you. Maybe if those boys had treated you right, then he could have came to peace with the fact that fate wasn’t on his side and you weren’t meant to be. But watching you cry after other men treated you like nothing only fed his flame.

“You close, baby?” Johnny asked, aiming to take you over the edge. His number one goal was to drive you out of your mind.

You could only nod, willing yourself not to speak. The words that would have left your mouth if you did were unimaginable.

Johnny fucked you even harder, chasing relentlessly for your orgasms. And you were just as - if not more - eager. He fought a complacent simper as he admired the way you were maneuvering your hips against his, whimpering with every touch.

The look on his face made you run your tongue over your dry lips. Barely were you resisting the urge to smash your lips against his. That look alone made you want to milk him dry of everything he was worth.

As badly as you wanted to savor every last moment, you could feel it in your bones that your orgasm was approaching. Listening to the noises resounding throughout the bathroom was what finished you - the sounds of your moans and Johnny’s hips slapping into yours with every thrust drowning out that of the shower pouring down on you both. You convulsed with release, gripping Johnny’s biceps for dear life as you met your orgasm with a high-pitched cry of his name.

Johnny wasn’t too far behind you. He couldn’t even grunt at the feeling of your nails digging into his flesh - it was outweighed by that of the pleasure of you clenching tightly around him with orgasm. It triggered his own, and he held you bruisingly tight as he spilled inside you with the lowest groan he could muster.

“You okay?” Johnny asked the moment you both were in the clear to speak.

You nodded weakly. “Perfect.”

Johnny smiled.

The two of you actually showered once you had caught your breaths, occasionally interrupting the other with a kiss. When you got out of the shower and re-dressed, Johnny pinned you to his bedroom wall and enveloped your lips in the biggest kiss yet. It was noticeably different from the other kisses that you had shared as of late. They were lustful and impatient. This was slow and steady - like he wanted nothing more than to savor the very taste of you.

He pulled away and whispered adoringly, “I love you.”

Your brain immediately went into overdrive. Given that you were childhood best friends, of course you and Johnny had said that you’d loved each other before. That was indubitable and not to be questioned. But this was different. This was in the context of a post-sex I love you.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

Johnny bristled. “I do mean it. I love you.”

Sighing, you walked off to his bed. You weren’t ready to have this conversation.

He stared at you incredulously, and reminded, “I’m not them.”

It was obvious who them was. Your past lovers. The ones that had left you so heartbroken that you could no longer let anyone inside your glass heart.

You shook your head, voice small when you replied, “I don’t know that.”

Johnny was visibly offended and upset. “How can you say that?”

“I don’t want to fight, John,” you said, exhaling loudly. This had escalated far too quickly and everything was heading in the wrong direction. For as long as you could, you wanted to steer clear of this course. But deep down, you knew that it had been inevitable.

He ignored you, walking closer to you and pestering, “I need answers. Do you really think I don’t love you?”

“Johnny…”

He didn’t relent. “Answer me.”

Frustrated, you shouted, “I don’t know what to think, Johnny! I’m scared to trust people - you know this!”

“And do you think I deserve to be punished for that?” Johnny snapped, white-hot rage seeping through and his restraints falling loose. “You and I both know I’m not just ‘people.’ We’ve known each other longer than you knew them. I’ve been here with you, for you, for a goddamn eternity. When have I ever let you down, huh? Tell me!”

His tone made you flinch and you were given whiplash. Johnny rarely got upset and never did he ever yell at your face, even if you sometimes deserved it. He was patient with you. For him to finally snap meant that you had wounded him deeply.

“I’m scared,” you croaked, teary-eyed.

“Right, you’re scared,” Johnny groused, turning around and heaving a thick breath. “Forget it.”

Pain burned through your chest in flares much like the anger spreading like wildfire throughout Johnny’s. Goddamn, this hurt. Was love supposed to be so complicated? Was love supposed to ache like this?

It hurt so good to love Johnny.

You stood up and shook your head. “No,” you told him, demanding, “Get it off your chest. Everything you want to say to me - say it right damn now!”

It wasn’t for you. No, you knew that the following words to come out of his mouth were going to scar you indefinitely. It was for Johnny. You knew that he had been holding all of this back for a long time and now this was his chance to erupt his heart volcano.

Johnny stormed right back over and said, “You want me to be honest?”

You nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. He deserved it. You deserve it. You treat him like shit.

“Fine. I’ll be honest,” he seethed. You gulped, bracing yourself for his words to come. “You wanna know something? You’re so fucking selfish. You’ve been breaking my heart just because you’re trying not to get yours broken.”

That was true. You had been sacrificing his feelings in an effort to preserve yours and it was a futile plan - Johnny had already crawled his way inside your heart, yet you were still trying to keep him out.

“You have too much pride to show people your scars and that’s why every time I get closer, you push me away. Because all you know how to do is run like a coward. That’s what you’ve resorted to your whole life because you don’t know any better. But you can’t hide.”

You bobbed your head, willing yourself not to speak. Both of you needed this.

Johnny’s voice got lower as he said, “You think you can hide, but you can’t. You can’t fucking drink all your problems away. You can’t fuck them away, either. You can’t keep running to me and using me to dry your goddamn tears every time you realize all your problems are still there!”

“Johnny…” you called out through tears. As true as his words were, they stung. And guilt was eating at you from the inside.

“No. You fucking asked for this shit,” Johnny snapped, scowling. “I’ve been nice to you and patient with you, but all you do is take me for granted. And it hurt when you said you didn’t think I loved you, because I could have stopped putting up with your bullshit and cut you off a long time ago - but I didn’t. You know why? Because I fucking love you. And walking away would hurt as much as it does to stay.”

You told him softly, “I love you, Johnny.”

“Do you love me enough to stay?”

The room got silent. Did you? You knew that you wanted to, but damn was it hard. You were just so goddamn scared of hurt and betrayal. You had been left before and it broke you. It shredded you to the tiniest of pieces. But Johnny made you feel complete and whole again.

“Answer me. So I know if it’s time we move on,” Johnny commanded, impatient. “Am I just some booty call to you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what the hell are you saying?”

“That I need you!” you screamed, the tension getting to your head - and your heart. It was too goddamn much. “I can’t live without you, Johnny. I can’t. I won’t. I’m scared because I don’t want to lose what we have. Losing you would be like losing the other half of me.”

Johnny got in your face again, but instead of yelling at you, he smashed his lips against yours. Just like that, you were relieved of the burden of all your fears and worries. He absorbed them and kept them somewhere safe, just like he did with all of your other secrets.

He kissed you with an emotion that was unmistakable - love. So much love. Maybe you had been blind to it before, but you could see it all clearly now.

Johnny was in love with you. And you were in love with Johnny.

“You’ll never, ever lose me,” Johnny swore in your ear once he detached himself from your mouth. He wiped at your tears with his thumb. “I promise. You’ve got me for life, alright?”

With a couple nods of your head, you crashed into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you snugly, welcoming your touch. This was where you were meant to be.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized after a couple of moments. It didn’t undo the pain you had been inflicting upon him for years, but it was a starting point for something better.

Johnny held you closer and kissed your forehead, then whispered softly, “I forgive you.”

He shouldn’t have, though you were grateful that he did. If it weren’t for his tenderheartedness, you weren’t sure what you would do.

“Let me be yours,” you sang.

It was tempting. You were offering him everything he had ever wanted on a silver platter. Granted, it didn’t take much to satisfy him - all he wanted was you. But as much as he wanted you, he wanted the most authentic version of you.

“Not yet,” Johnny said. You gawked, but he finished before you could interject, “I want to be in a relationship with you, but you need to take care of yourself first. Start tackling your problems. For starters, figure out what you’re going to do about your dad. Okay?”

You exhaled a long breath, but eventually nodded. “Okay.”

Johnny fought a content smile. “I’ll support whatever decision you choose to make,” he assured, pulling you closer to his chest. Then, he glanced down and asked, “Now - are you gonna run away or are you gonna stay the night?”

“I’m going to confront my fears and stay with you,” you whispered, refusing to separate yourself from the warmth of his body. You weren’t sure how you had done it before in the past. Tonight had given you an epiphany.

“Atta girl,” Johnny praised and led you to his bed. You flopped to his side, snuggling to his chest. “I have to go to work in the morning. Promise me I’ll wake up to your pretty face for motivation.”

You giggled, your laughter ringing through his mind beautifully. “I’ll be there. I promise, baby.”

Johnny was beaming from ear to ear. God, you loved seeing him like this. Happy. And he was happy because of you.

He couldn’t wait to wake up beside you in the morning.

Given their engagement, Yuta and Winwin were to have plenty of parties and the betrothal party was only one of many. Today marked the day of the housewarming party.

Their engagement meant that their relationship had developed into something serious. With marriage rapidly approaching, they were certain that they wanted to spend every moment of their lives together. And thus, they decided to move in with each other.

Which was how their new home came to be.

Guests spread out and filled the house to its brim, most of the ones you didn’t recognize being associates of Sicheng. After a couple of hours, you got off of your feet and went to rest in the living room.

And when you saw two very familiar men approaching you, you knew that you would be doing anything but resting.

“Oh no.”

Jaehyun and Ten sang in harmony, “Oh, yes.”

Watching the two of them take seats beside you, you could only wonder what in tarnation they were up to. Jaehyun and Ten were individual wildfires all by themselves, so you weren’t sure if you were ready to face the aftermath of combining the pair. Part of you was certain something would blow up in flames.

Narrowing your eyes, you asked cautiously, “What do you two bloodthirsty leeches want?”

“Chill, babe. We just wanted to hang with our favorite friend,” Jaehyun said. Given the untamed smile on his face, you highly doubted that. Jeong Jaehyun was nothing if not sheer trouble. And his partner in crime, too.

Ten nodded his head in confirmation. “Right,” he smirked, then pointed to the cup beside you. “What’s that - Bacardi?”

“Ha, ha,” you responded, deadpan. “No, bitch. It’s water. Contrary to an oddly popular belief, I’m not an alcoholic.”

Jaehyun interjected, “Babe, I can’t tell the difference between you and an alcoholic. That’s a problem.”

“What he said. I can hear your liver screaming ‘Ten, help me. Help me. Please…’”

You snapped, “Did you guys just come over here to terrorize me or is there something meaningful you have to say?”

Jaehyun leaned and asked quietly, like he was telling you a top-notch secret, “It’s because of Johnny, right?”

You spluttered, “What?”

He smiled, adding, “Don’t worry - you can tell me. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, enough of the bullshit. Fess up,” Ten groaned in your other ear. Meanwhile you were thinking of ways to remove yourself from the Jaehyun-Ten you were between. “Something happened between you and Johnny. Something good.”

It wasn’t a question. He was saying that something happened and he knew it - he just didn’t know what. Yet.

You bit your lip. “Why do you say that?”

“Johnny’s been doing better lately, too. He’s been smiling more and in a better mood recently,” Ten replied, a spark of something raw and tender in his voice. “I like seeing him this way. It feels like I got the old Johnny back.”

Jaehyun nodded, all of the signs of jokes and games gone from his eyes. His expression was nothing short of soulful. “Me, too. There’s clearly been a shift. And whatever happened between you two, I hope it doesn’t shift back. He’s in a good place right now and so are you.”

Johnny had been happier lately. Everywhere he went he stood like a tall beam of light, radiating energy and warmth. And you two technically weren’t even together yet.

There was no way in hell that you would mess that up again. True to your promise to Yuta, you wouldn’t make the same mistake thrice. You had learned from your wrongdoings and decided that you were going to treat Johnny’s heart the same way you wanted others to treat yours. With caution and hypervigilance.

He deserved to be loved. Every bit of him. And you loved him to pieces.

“I won’t mess it up,” you assured them, confident. You knew what you wanted. And though you were still scared to go after it, you were willing to face your fears for Johnny. “I swear.”

Ten and Jaehyun smiled contentedly and replied in sync, “Good.”

Across the house, Johnny was having a similar conversation with your friends. And you were none the wiser.

“Hey, tough guy!” Yeri called out, grabbing Johnny’s attention. If it weren’t for the fact that she had bestowed the nickname upon him ages ago and was hellbent on sticking to her guns, he would have kept walking. She folded her arms across her chest and said, “Let’s talk.”

Johnny flickered his eyes between Yeri and the woman beside her - Irene - and a terrible feeling settled in his chest. Reluctantly, he admitted lightheartedly, “I feel unsafe.”

Both women responded in unison, “Good.”

He brought his plastic cup from his lips, then asked, “What’s this about?”

“You and y/n,” Irene said, eyeing him suspiciously.

Yeri wasted no time. “Are you two dating?”

On cue, Johnny’s heart seemed to boom at the mere thought of being in a relationship with you. As much as he wanted to make you his that night and as terribly as he fought against his every irrational decision, it wasn’t convenient timing. He wanted you to heal before anything.

Johnny feigned indifference, replying honestly, “No, we’re not. Why?”

Irene sat on the couch nearby, glancing off pensively. “She’s been… better again. She told us that she wouldn’t be drinking again for a while and she’s been opening up to me more and I’m proud of her. I just thought that it might’ve had something to do with you. You’re one of the biggest influences in her life, you know?”

“Yeah.” Johnny nodded. “I know.”

“And considering you haven’t given me the side eye yet, I think you’ve been happier, too.”

Johnny chuckled.

Then, Yeri cut to the chase and warned aggressively, “Take care of her, Johnny. I trust you, but you know how she can get. And if you break her heart, so help me I will…”

Irene reached for her friend’s hand and quickly interjected, “Yeri, I think they’re gonna be okay.”

Gladly, Johnny thought so, too. Things were far from perfect, though they were still going well and he was simply content to see that you were giving the two of you a try. He was tired of giving more than he was receiving and he had faith that those days were coming to an end.

“We’re gonna be okay,” Johnny repeated, assuringly. He believed it. He believed in you and him together. “But I appreciate all of your concern.”

Arms still folded and eyes still narrowed, Yeri eased up and nodded. Content, she walked off.

Irene rose from the chair and gazed up at Johnny, whispering softly, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being patient with her,” she replied, full of gratitude. Then - in an even tinier voice - she added, “And for doing what I couldn’t have done.”

Johnny said with no hesitation, “I would do anything for her.”

“I know. You’re strong.”

“So are you.”

Irene smiled. With that, she went to go meet back up with the rest of the girls.

Over the course of the following couple of weeks, you had been putting your all into becoming a better person. You kept to your word, steering clear of alcoholic beverages - more especially in mentally trying times - and you vented to your friends whenever necessary. They didn’t mind one bit. Anything was better than your typical methods of extreme self-destruction.

The passionless hook-ups came to an end, too. Johnny and you had never been exclusive, and though you weren’t yet together, it was impossible to do as much as imagine yourself with another person. Johnny’s touch was the only one that you wanted to feel on your body. You wanted to feel the way he poured his heart out to you whenever you had sex.

You wanted love. You wanted passion and fondness and intimacy.

And Johnny delivered.

After a while, you came to a decision about your father. One day, you chose to answer. In those that followed, you stalled to the best of your ability, still indecisively wavering over the option to meet him in person.

But the conversations, both through text and over the phone, swayed you. It broke you to hear his voice and vice versa. Talking to him for the first time in decades was life-changing.

That was how you ended up outside of a restaurant, fast forward some weeks later.

Johnny helped you out of his car, walking you to the front of the building. Your fingers were interwoven, and he let you clutch his hand when you felt nervous. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

You nodded. Though you were sure, you were anxious. And you were grateful that he had so much power over you, to the point that his mere touch made you feel at ease again.

“I’m sure,” you said, clinging close to him.

“Breathe, baby,” Johnny whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to your neck. “I’ll be right outside waiting for you. Okay?”

Waiting for you. What would you do without him?

Instead of replying, you whirled around and stood on your tiptoes, kissing his lips. Johnny kissed you back with fervor, holding you like you would fall if he were to let you go.

Through your heavy breaths, both nerve-induced and from the breathlessness of making out with him, you confessed gently, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Johnny replied without hesitation. It was a no-brainer. He loved you. So goddamn much. And that was exactly what you needed to hear. “Now go meet your old man.”

That was the last push you needed. You were standing on the threshold of a self-healing journey and that was what made you swing the gates open.

You approached the table your dad reserved. It must have been miles away, because when you got there, you couldn’t breathe.

Your father looked at you, face full of sincere emotion. He stared at you with so much awe, incredulous through and through. Tears threatened to fall from both of your eyes.

You croaked thickly, “Dad.”

“Princess,” he heaved back.

His arms were wide open and you raced in, desperate. The tears began to rain. You couldn’t even remember the last time that your father had held you. This is what you had been missing. During all those heartbreaking times, this is what you needed most.

Soon, he began to apologize profusely, voice bursting with shame and regret. There was absolutely no satisfactory explanation that he could offer you - you just needed to know that although he couldn’t take it back, he would do whatever it took to earn your forgiveness.

And once you reached closure, you were talking as if the past had never happened and he had always been there.

Your father looked at you and sighed - contentedly. He shook his head, all sullen when he stated, “You’re a woman now.”

You quipped, “And you’re an old man.”

Your father chuckled. He was adapting to your humor very quickly. Perhaps there was a reason why.

After a moment, he asked curiously, “That boy outside your boyfriend?”

“His name’s Johnny,” you smiled, teary-eyed, then confessed, “You should meet him some day.”

“Do you love him?”

There was not a bout of reluctance. “So much.”

“Then, I will.”

You beamed.

There was no holding you back, no reason not to say it proudly anymore. Johnny was yours and you were his. His heart would always belong to you and yours to him. That was the way it was supposed to be. Meant to be.

And some day, your Dad would be walking you down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

[storiesofsvu]

Gorgeous Girl

Aaron Hotchner x reader warnings: teasing, alcohol consumption smut, heavy petting, make outs, nothing too kinky this time lol.

For once, being out of town for work wasn’t because you were chasing down some deranged serial killer in a distant state resulting in far too little sleep, far too much shitty coffee and coming home more exhausted than you left. While this week was technically still work, there was far less of it, a week of conferences, an hour or two of speaking and you could dodge all the rest out at a luxury sky resort in Breckenridge, Colorado. Two agents from the BAU were required to attend and you and Emily had pulled the ‘short’ straws (depending how you looked at it, of course). Some members of the team thought a week like that would be absolute torture, others thought it would just be too boring, or that having to socialize with that many other agents while representing the BAU was a walking nightmare. To you, the only disadvantage was that you weren’t taking the jet, the remainder of the team needed it, you’d be flying commercial.

You and Emily, however, were more than well prepared to have a girl’s week together off in the mountains, escaping into the small town to see what kind of fun you could find. You’d even splurged, using a bit of your own money to get a larger suite, one with a hot tub on the private balcony overlooking the mountains. One that you planned on drinking bottles of wine together in while gossiping and trash talking.

Which is why you were so surprised when you rounded the corner to your gate.

“Hotch?” You froze on the spot, confusion taking over your face at the sight of your Unit Chief standing in front of you. “Where’s Em? God, does Strauss think we need a babysitter or something?”

“No.” He chuckled at your instant annoyance, “Prentiss got specially requested for a case in New York.”

“Who has the power to pull that?”

“Her mother.”

“Ugh.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. The surprise was wearing off and you suddenly shifted uncomfortably, pulling your blazer tighter around you, feeling Hotch’s eyes on you.

It wasn’t that the man made you feel uncomfortable, no it certainly wasn’t that. It was that he made you feel absolutely flustered. Nights when you laid alone in your empty bed unable to sleep and your hands danced their way down your body, it was him that you were thinking of, pretending they were his fingers touching you, stretching you out. That it wasn’t a silicone toy but his cock filling you so perfectly while he husked dirty words into your ear. As a result, you generally kept your head down around him, did your work and went about your life. He wasn’t totally sure that if it was that you just didn’t like him, if there was some underlying issue you had with men in power, or if it was simply that you were attempting to respect his authority.

“Sorry,” he suddenly spoke, “for ruining whatever plans you and Prentiss had. I know the two of you are close.”

“Mmhmm.” You nodded, staring out the airport window “s’okay.”

“When we get there I’ll see about upgrading, try and get adjoining rooms or something.”

“Already did that.” Your eyes flicked back to him briefly, “got one of the larger two bedroom suites that close off with like, French doors or whatever. We were planning on,” your cheeks flushed suddenly, realizing you were about to admit to your boss that you were going to play hooky, “taking…advantage of as many amenities as we could.”

“Hmm.” He chuckled, watching the way you quickly looked away so you could watch the planes drive around on the tarmac, basically refusing to look at him, “I’m sure that was all Prentiss’ plan.” That earned a huff of a laugh from you but you still didn’t dare look him in the eye, “do you have any idea how many of these things I’ve been to over the years? Guess how many times I’ve ditched out on them.” He smiled softly when your eyes flicked back to him, “places like this always have the best scotch, and the bonus is that it’s free.”

You swore he winked at you, a grin on his face that sent tingles shooting through your body and you were incredibly thankful when they suddenly announced boarding. At the very least, you and Emily had also upgraded to business class, you wouldn’t have to worry about minimal personal space for the flight, there’d be a barrier between you and Hotch. While you were distracted with your phone, he’d managed to disappear and you weren’t entirely sure where to, but you took the opportunity to open your text messages.

‘I cannot believe you.’

‘Oh come on, like I’m happy about this either. A week with my mother?! Who’d they end up sending?’

‘Hotch…’

You didn’t have to imagine Emily’s laughter, you could practically feel it through the phone as the three little dots popped up, disappeared and then popped up again. She, of course, was the only one who knew about your crush on Hotchner, she’d been planning on teasing you about it all week, hoping that maybe you’d find some other brooding FBI agent to get under while out of town.

‘Maybe that’ll work out for you. You can enjoy the view and the hot tub with him, have a nice romantic weekend.’

‘I fucking hate you.’

*

The first two days of the conference were fine, you stayed out of Aaron’s way, went to the presentations you were speaking at and did the required amount of socializing. You found that he was usually gone before you in the mornings, but there was always fresh coffee in the pot waiting for you. He made sure to respect your space as much as he could, if he swung by the suite to change in the afternoon and you were there he wouldn’t linger, and he’d make sure to change in the bathroom.

Day three was a little more on the tedious side, sitting through a lecture you would have rather slept through, one that was meant more for younger agents but they’d asked someone from the BAU to sit in and help with the question period. You ran into Hotch at lunch and he inquired about your plans for the rest of the day now that the mandatory attendance parts were done, asking if maybe you wanted to explore the mountain town, maybe grab some dinner outside of the resort. You laughed awkwardly, praying your cheeks weren’t as hot as they felt and politely declined, he shrugged, teasing that you would be missing out, but to enjoy your night in. You were incredibly glad he wandered off after that, the butterflies in your stomach nearly too much to handle as you got accustomed to the more casual version of your boss.

Dinner was spent with an old friend from the academy, laughing as you caught up over multiple courses and a bottle of wine. You said an early goodnight to them, making your way back to your suite, happy to find it empty and your eyes drifted through the balcony window, lingering on the hot tub. Figuring there was no better time but the present you quickly stripped, changing into your bikini before swiping a bottle of wine from the fridge and a spare wine glass.

*

Aaron also ended up running into a couple of old friends while out in the town, friends who had worked this conference in the past and knew exactly where to go for the best meals and fanciest scotch. Free from the responsibility of running a team he had stated to loosen up on this work vacation, a little rougher around the edges, inhibitions lowered and that all remained when he returned to the hotel room. Toeing out of his shoes he hung up his coat before starting to unbutton his shirt as he moved through the room, wondering what was stashed in the bar that he could indulge into now, potentially coerce you into a drink with him at the very least.

He could hear music echoing from the balcony and his gaze got pulled out there where he caught sight of the steam rising from the hot tub into the cool night air. His eyes lingered on you, nestled in the corner of the tub you were fully settled into the padded seat, arms extended across the backs of it, your head titled back with your eyes closed as you relaxed, hair pulled up to the top of your head to keep it dry. He could see the shimmer of water and sweat on your skin and he instantly wanted to lick up the exposed column of your neck. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as his eyes sunk lower, not missing the curve of your chest just visible above the water, hot pink fabric clinging to your skin. You were at a complete level of peace that he’d never seen before and he couldn’t help but want to see more of it, want to explore how far he could push your boundaries and began to wonder just how professional he had to remain on this retreat.

Though of course, that had technically been his idea from the start.

As soon as Ambassador Prentiss called, Emily was groaning about how much of a waste it was that she was missing the conference. It only took a raised brow from him to get her to admit the plan was to ditch as much as the two of you could, that you’d splurged for the all inclusive package and a very private balcony and jacuzzi. He wasn’t assigned to take her place, and he didn’t jump at the offer to make it not so obvious, but no one else knew about the extra perks so he simply looked like he was taking one for the team.

Figuring it was now or never he retreated to his side of the suite, changing into his trunks before swiping a bottle of scotch and a glass.

You were more relaxed than you had been in ages, warm water bubbling around your body as the wine sunk into your system. The music soothed through you, pulling you further from reality and honestly, it was pretty nice to not be chasing after some psychopath right now, even if you were still kinda surrounded by talks of crime. You were almost considering calling Emily, checking in on how things were going with the team, updating her on how things were going here, no doubt she’d have mountains of questions and teasing about you sharing a suite with Hotch.

And that was exactly how and why you didn’t hear him come out onto the terrace.

“Think you can warm me up?”

His deep voice shook through the night air and you jumped, water splashing around you as your heart nearly burst through your chest while your eyes flew open.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” You swore, chest heaving as you finally took him in, trying not to gulp at his bare chest, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry.” He chuckled, ducking his gaze for a moment, watching the way you sunk further under the water to avoid his lingering eyes, “you mind if I join? Or I can come back later.” He lifted the bottle of liquor in his hand, “just thought maybe we could have a drink.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” You shook your head, “that’s fine, come on in.” You shifted further into the corner of the tub, turning your back while Hotch got into the water, wiping your hands on the towel to check your phone, unsurprised to have a couple of messages from Em. Once the water settled, you refilled your wine glass, turning back to face him as you sunk into the seat again.

“This is nice.” He murmured softly, letting out a relaxed sigh before pouring out a drink, “you and Prentiss really have a hack for these conferences.”

“Mmmhmm.” You replied over the brim of your glass, taking a hefty swig.

“You get up to anything fun tonight?”

“Ran into a friend. Had dinner at the steakhouse downstairs.”

Hotch frowned lightly, he didn’t miss the way you’d tensed up a little bit once you’d realized he was there, once he was in such close proximity and under the water with you. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come back later? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No!” You practically yelped, grimacing at how quick you were to keep him there, “I’m fine. Totally fine, promise. I just… you’re… my boss.” Your gaze was redirected into your wine glass, “never really seen you in anything other than a suit and now…” You blindly gestured in his direction and then to yourself with a little laugh, “and I don’t think a pink bikini is exactly business casual and it’s not exactly my classiest one… thought Em would be the only one seeing it.” You muttered and then let out a little gasp, suddenly glancing up, “not that I brought it so she could see it! We’re not… that’s… no… we’re friends, I don’t swing that way.”

This time Aaron laughed, taking a sip of his drink, “it’s fine. You need to relax, alright?” He raised his drink out to you and you timidly clinked your glass with his. “Enjoy this while you can.” He gestured to the view, the night sky painting the mountains in gorgeous colours, “besides,” he smirked across at you, “I’ve seen you undercover and a few of those outfits leave very little to the imagination.”

You glanced up to him, noticing the flush in his cheeks, the smirk on his lips before he took another swig of his drink. There was a gleam in his eye that you hadn’t seen before that you didn’t exactly recognize and if you’d known any better, you would’ve said he was flirting with you.

“Are… are you drunk?” You suddenly asked, nearly regretting it the moment you’d said it and he laughed again, a sight and sound that made your insides weak.

“I think I legally shouldn’t drive anywhere, but I’m still completely in control of myself.” He nodded toward the half empty bottle on your side of the jacuzzi, “are you alright?”

“I’m so sorry sir.” You blushed, ducking your eyes again, “that was inappropriate. And yeah, I’m totally fine, big lunch, big dinner, high tolerance.”

“Don’t worry about it.” His smile softened, “and you can drop the sir, we don’t need to keep up that professionalism right now.”

“Oh..” You sank deeper under the water, taking another sip of your drink. Part of you wanted to disappear while the other part of you wanted to complain you were overheating, pull yourself up onto the ledge of the tub and flaunt your half naked body. The desire to throw yourself at him was only a few glasses of wine away and you knew it. Instead, the two of you sunk into a semi comfortable silence as you continued to drink, watching the night sky.

“You know, your talk the other day was fantastic.” He spoke softly, his voice floating across the water to you, “better than any other profilers have done on the topic.”

“Thank you.” You mumbled quietly, risking a very quick glance up at him before you were staring at the horizon again. Hotch let another few moments of silence pass before he spoke up again, the corner of his mouth curving up when he asked you,

“Why so shy?”

That caught your attention, your eyes flying up to his as you clutched at your wine glass, “what?” He laughed, shaking his head at you.

“I’m just saying, you’ve been so reserved, aware, quiet on this trip. You almost seem to make yourself smaller whenever I’m around and I’m not sure if it’s because you only think of me as your boss or if I’ve done something to make you at unease.”

“Christ.” You muttered, “I thought we weren’t profiling this week.”

“Have… I done something?” He asked, near worry taking over his face and you were quick to drain your drink before jumping to action.

“No, absolutely not! Hotch, please, you’re like, the most respectful guy I know. You make me feel… well, a lot of things, but uncomfortable is not one of them.” The words slipped from your lips before you could even think about them and you glanced up, your cheeks burning to catch his eyes widening slightly before he grinned, his hand catching yours, grounding you from whatever spiral you were about to drown in.

“So tell me.” He murmured, his voice silky soft as it hit your ears, his thumb brushing over your knuckles and he gently tugged at your hand after your glass found home on the edge of the tub, “come here gorgeous.”

The pet name nearly made you melt the instant it had left his lips and you felt the fluttering between your legs as you willingly moved through the water when he softly pulled you to him once more. Your breath caught in your throat when he guided you to straddle his lap, one of his hands hesitantly resting on your hip under the water while the other continued to play with your fingers gently.

“Well?” He asked, glancing up at you with a devilish look in his eyes and you let out a low breath, “what do I make you feel?”

“Flustered.” You managed out, your heart ready to beat itself out of your chest, feeling his thumb rub against your bare skin under the water, encouraging more responses from you, “unfocused, distracted…”

“Hmm…” he leant in, pressing a tender kiss to the underside of your jaw, “is that all?”

“Christ, Hotch.” You muttered, your eyes nearly fluttering shut as his hand let go of yours, moving so his thumb and forefinger could pinch your chin softly.

“Aaron…” He insisted, his eyes boring into yours as you opened them and you nodded softly, nearly whimpering at the way his thumb shifted to trace your lower lip. “What else?”

“Absolutely and incredibly fucking turned on.”

“Is that so?” He murmured, tilting your head to the side so he could kiss your neck, his lips brushing across your skin as he spoke, “is that last part just right now?”

“All week.” You replied, your pulse racing as he continued to litter your skin with tender kisses “all the goddamn time…”

“You think about me a lot hmm?” He nipped at your neck and you gasped, your body jolting towards him under the water, “what do you think about me doing?” He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, pressing a kiss just below your ear, “hmm?”

“Aaron…” you breathed out, your head tilted back with your eyes shut as his lips continued to dance across your skin. His hand gently pinched at your hip under the water.

“Don’t go shy on me now, tell me.. what do you think about me doing?”

“K- kissing me.” You managed out, unsure whether the heat in your cheeks was from the water, the way you were already putty in his hands or embarrassment of admitting it to his face. A gasp broke free of your lips at the sensation of his hand tracing up and down your spine and you automatically arched toward him, “touching me…” The hand he had under the water toyed with the knot of your bikini on your back, his dry one moving back to your chin, tilting your face back to his.

“I want you to look at me when you say the next one.” His thumb traced your lips, “come on gorgeous girl, I know there’s more you like to think of me doing, what is it?”

“Fucking me…” Somehow you were able to hold his gaze while the words floated out of your mouth, it was likely because your brain was already in a haze, first the wine, then the heat and now utterly intoxicated by Hotch’s touch.

“Bet you think about that one the most, don’t you?” He asked with a grin and you couldn’t help but nod, “when you’re alone at night, touching yourself, pretending it’s me. Picturing me naked, my cock stretching you out until your legs are shaking and you’re seeing stars.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Oh no,” he chuckled darkly, “I’ll have you screaming my name by the end of the night sweetheart, just wait.”

You let out a whimper, it was all you had time to do before Aaron sat forward, capturing your lips in a heated kiss that swallowed down any further noise coming from you. The kiss was full of fire, Aaron quickly dominating it and you were completely happy to let it happen, sinking deeper into his arms as yours looped around his shoulders. His dry hand slid up the back of your neck, fingers sinking into your hair while the other hand ventured further south, groping at the globe of your ass. You let out a small moan into the kiss, giving his tongue access to your mouth and he eagerly dove in. You could taste the scotch on him as your tongue danced with his, the smallest hint of a cigar from earlier and you couldn’t help but groan, your hands starting to play with his hair.

He pulled back ever so softly, nipping at your lip quickly before his mouth trailed across the side of your jaw, he left a feather light kiss behind your ear that caused you to let out an airy breath, your head lolling back and he felt himself twitch, hardening in his trunks. His mouth pressed lazy kisses down your neck before he made home in the crook of your neck, alternating between kissing, sucking and biting.

“Oh Aaron…” You shifted in his lap, lightly grinding against his cock and he let out a low groan onto your skin, his hands clutching you impossibly close to him. He raised his face, eyes dark with arousal as he gazed across at you before his lips found yours again and you were moaning into the kiss, grinding harder down onto his lap, a small gasp leaving your lips when you felt him getting harder underneath you.

Aaron couldn’t get enough of you, he wanted more, he wanted all of you, he wanted his hands and mouth everywhere all at once, he was drunk on your kisses alone and craved every inch of you. The lingering of your perfume was wafting through his senses, the way your lips moved against his made his cock utterly ache as you brushed against it. As much as he wanted to bend you over right then and there he would be completely satisfied just kissing you all night, the internal battle doing its best to figure out what he wanted to act on while your fingertips scratched as his head. You only broke the kiss when you felt like you couldn’t breath anymore, gasping for air, your eyes half shut, forehead resting against his while his hands soothed up and down your sides.

“God…”

“Still not the right name.” He teased, pulling a small laugh from you, one that you opened your eyes at, sitting back every so slightly before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His hands trailed up your arms, coming to rest at the base of your neck, gently tugging at your bikini strings. “May I?”

“Mmhm.” You nodded with a wicked grin while your own hands splashed behind you to undo that knot and Hotch let the fabric fall from your skin, not even noticing it float away in the water as you sat up. His eyes raking down your body and over your chest, letting out a groan at the slight bounce as you settled, the way the water dripped down your tits, nipples hard in the cool air.

“Gorgeous girl.” He murmured, his hands gently groping your chest, squeezing your tits, thumbs flicking over your nipples and you moaned softly. “Such pretty sounds too.” You giggled softly, feeling the heat creeping back into your cheeks as his full attention was on your half naked body. His hands continued to play with your chest, rolling your nipples between his thumb and forefinger while yours came up to cup his face, ducking to kiss him again, unable to get enough.

Moaning softly into the kiss, his hands squeezing at your chest, you ground down onto his lap harder, feeling the bulge building between his legs. Your tongue dove into his mouth, doing what you could to keep control of yourself as he increased the pressure on your chest, pinching your nipples. After a few moments he broke the kiss, eager to duck down and suck a nipple in between his lips, teeth scraping against the pert bud. Your hands wrapped around his head, threading into his hair as you held him tighter to you,

“Fuck Aaron…” You groaned and you felt his lips curve up into a grin against your skin.

“That’s it sweetheart.” He murmured, blowing cold air onto your nipple before swapping to the other side, “say my name.”

“God Aaron,” your fingers tightened in his hair, nails scratching at his head, “that feels so good.”

He groaned in response, teeth scraping against your tender skin before he pulled off your chest, burying his face between them to leave a trail of kisses all the way up your neck before kissing you deeply again. When he finally pulled away this time his hands wrapped around your waist, lifting you while he stood,

“Up.” He instructed, “out.”

“Why?” You half laughed, finding your balance on your feet in the water as his arm wrapped around your waist.

“Well I can’t fuck you in the hot tub gorgeous.” He husked against your lips before picking you up in his arms, guiding you to wrap your legs around his waist and he was finally able to get you out of the tub.

Lips pressed against yours, tongue sliding back into your mouth he carried you back into the suite, managing to snag a towel from the back of the chair to toss down onto the bed before he let go of your legs. You let out a whine at the loss of contact, staying up on your toes to not break the kiss and he chuckled into your lips, hands groping at your ass. His hand cradled your face, pulling an inch away from you,

“Lie back gorgeous.” He muttered, stealing another kiss before nudging you back towards the bed, “I want to know how pretty you sound when you come.”

You collapsed down onto the bed and Hotch was quick to gently drop over you, catching himself with his hands as he caged you into the bed, his lips kissing at your skin again. Your arms wound around him, pulling him closer to you as your lips found his, tongue easily sliding into your mouth when he deepened the kiss. You moaned softly against his lips, back arching off the bed as your hips rocked up, eager for more friction. He let out a low groan at the feeling of you brushing against his cock through thin fabric, feeling himself throb inside his shorts. His free hand slid down your body, swiftly untying one knot of your bikini bottoms and then the other, pulling them away from your body while you lifted your hips to help before he was tossing them behind him.

Aaron cupped between your legs, palm rubbing on your clit while his fingers massaged your wetness, pressing against you, teasing you slightly as you whined into the kiss. A finger slid through your folds, spreading your juices around your cunt, dampening his fingers before he brought them up to your clit, rubbing slow circles on it.

“Aaron… please..” You whined, hips rocking up to his touch as you clutched him tighter to you.

He chuckled softly, finger dipping back down before it sunk into your pussy, pumping a few times before he added a second one. “Already so wet for me.” He husked into your ear, crooking his fingers in search of the sensitive spot inside you as he continued to pump his hand between your legs.

“Fuck…” you moaned, your body sinking into the lush bed as sparks began to fly under your skin, pleasure fluttering through you while his lips returned to yours, swallowing down your noises. His fingers twisted and scissored inside you, stretching out your warm walls while they skillfully fucked you. He curled them again and you broke the kiss with a gasp, body shivering against the bed as your eyes scrunched shut. You could feel your pussy pulsing around his fingers and you were sure your juices were dripping down his wrist already at this point. His nose nudged at your chin, giving him access to your neck again, nipping and sucking the sensitive skin while his fingers continued to toy with you. “Please…” you panted, “please fuck me already.”

Aaron’s breath was hot on your neck as he huffed out a laugh, pressing a kiss to your lips before he pulled away, sitting up on his knees between your legs, watching his fingers disappear into you for a few more thrusts before pulling them out of your cunt and sucking them into his mouth. He let out a groan at the taste of your juices, his cock aching at the thought of truly tasting you, wishing that he had more time but you were already whining again and he didn’t want to tease you anymore than he already had. Shifting, he quickly tugged his shorts off and his cock sprung free, hard and throbbing, he wrapped a hand around it, smearing the pre cum as he pumped himself a few times, his eyes falling shut while he let out a heavy sigh before a realization washed over him.

“Fuck.”

“What?” You asked, your eyes flying open, widening slightly at the sight in front of you now that he was completely naked.

“I don’t have any condoms.”

“I’m clean.” Was your immediate response, not wanting to delay things any longer, “and I’ve got an implant.”

“Are you sure?” He asked softly and you nodded eagerly.

“Please Aaron..” you whimpered, “I need you…”

He leant forward, hand guiding his cock, rubbing it through your lower lips, smearing your juices around it as you let out a small gasp before he sunk fully into you and you both let out a satisfied moan.

“God you’re tight.” He muttered, dropping over you again, burying his face into the crook of your neck as your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly deep inside you. “Fuck…” He stayed still for a moment, feeling you fluttering around him, he knew if he tried to move he risked coming incredibly early, he was already throbbing.

“Fuck you feel so good.” You murmured, arms squeezing at him gently, moaning when he nipped at your skin and that was enough to get him going.

He set a steady pace, plunging into you with a roll of the hips, cock dragging over every inch of your walls, hitting the right spots with each thrust. You clung onto him, your hips rocking up off the bed to meet his with every push, your moans getting louder as he fucked you, pleasure soaring through your body.

“Fuck…” you whined, “harder Aaron, please.”

He pushed himself up, sitting back on his haunches while he grabbed one of your legs, resting it on his shoulder groaning when he slipped even deeper into your pussy. You gasped softly, your hands clutching at the bedspread while his hips came crashing into yours, the noises leaving your lips more frequent, your eyes scrunching shut.

“Christ,” he swore at the way you pulsed around him, squeezing him tight, the coil building deep inside his gut as he watched himself disappear into your cunt. His hands grabbed your hips, lifting them off the bed as he continued to snap his hips into you and you cried out at the new angle, your pussy clenching down around him. “Gon’ need you to come sweetheart.” He grunted, “m’not gonna last.”

“Don’t stop.” You groaned, fire prickling under your skin as your body shivered, “oh fuck!”

Aaron reached down with one hand, pads of his fingers rubbing furiously at your clit and your body shook, hips jolting as he continued to pound into you. You felt the pleasure burst, pussy clenching around his thick cock, juices dribbling across your skin as you cried out.

“Oh god Aaron!” Your hips jumped in his hands, body shaking, thighs clenching around him as your peak hit, a chorus of his name and breathy swears escaping your lips, floating around the room just enough to drive him absolutely wild. “Fuck… yes! Oh fuck Aaron.”

He didn’t let up, thrusting faster, the pressure on your clit harder as he leant forward, driving into you harder as he started to chase his own peak. He grunted, hips nearly faltering as your pussy continued to flutter around him, his arm winding tightly around your waist, holding you to him.

“C’mon gorgeous. You’ve got one more in you. Come again for me.”

You let out a whine, your hands gripping at his body, nails digging into his skin and you swore you practically blacked out when your second orgasm hit, letting out a cry as you tensed in his arms, twitching as you whimpered. Aaron groaned, fucking into you a few more times as his hips faltered and he sunk into your cunt with one last heavy thrust, hissing as he came, spilling into your pussy.

Panting, he gently collapsed over you, arms winding tighter around you in an effort to solidify this moment into his memory, not wanting to forget the way you looked, the way you felt wrapped around his cock, the noises you made when you came, how your lips felt on his skin, the sweetness of your taste. Under him you were slowly catching your breath, a happy hum leaving your lips when he placed a kiss onto your shoulder. One of your hands gently ran up and down his back and you felt him relax deeper into you, letting out a soft moan. Finally he pulled his head up enough to kiss you, lips moving lazily together until he gently rolled off you onto his side, letting out a quiet hiss as his cock slipped out of your warmth. You rolled toward him, happily accepting the arm he swung over waist as he pulled you toward him again, ducking down to nip at the tender spot forming on your neck before kissing you softly.

“Well that’s one way to enjoy a conference.” You murmured, your lips curving up into a grin and he huffed out a laugh, eyes sparkling down at yours.

“Fuck the conference. Let me give you a reason to stay in bed.”

“Is that an order Agent Hotchner?” You asked with raised brow and he smirked.

“A direct one.” He kissed you again, lips brushing yours as he spoke, “no way either of us is leaving this suite ‘til Friday. That’s why room service was invented.”

“I don’t think that’s right, but I’m not going to argue.”

“Oh but you love to prove you’re right.” He teased, smiling as you rolled him onto his back.

“Yeah, but I can think of a few better uses for my mouth right now.”

*

Aaron’s suggestion was exactly the way you spent the next two days, tangled in each other’s limbs, sheets barely covering bodies while you discovered every inch of the other persons skin. By Friday afternoon you knew just exactly how to touch each other so that you would see stars every single time. Aaron was about to suggest staying the weekend for a few more days of bliss when his phone went off and you were both called back to work. The team was already on the jet, meaning you were flying commercia to California to meet them there.

You were immediately roped into a coffee run with Emily, even if it was only to the breakroom and back, she had to get her complaints out about the days with her mother and honestly, wanted to know how things went being trapped in a hotel with Hotch all week. Scooping up your coffee you snagged a granola bar from the shelf, wandering back down the hall to the team as you caught up, you shoved the bar into your pocket so you could pull open the door and your hand hit something metal, your brow furrowing as you stalled in your tracks. In turn, Emily pulled open the door, propping it so Hotch could step through, no doubt on his way to secure his own caffeine, nodding to the both of you as he said a quick thanks.

“Aaron!” You called after him, having now pulled the item out of your pocket, realizing it was his watch and he turned back to you just in time to catch it as you tossed it to him. His head titled in confusion, glancing up at you as he slid it back onto his wrist, “you left it in the bin when we went through security, I forgot I grabbed it.”

“Thanks.” A flash of a smile crept onto his lips before he turned away, making his way down the hall.

“Oh… my god.” Emily quietly gasped, smacking your arm, “you hooked up and you weren’t planning on fucking telling me?!”

“What?” Your eyes shot to her, quickly stepping through the door to make sure Hotch wouldn’t hear you, “no. Em, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Please. When have you ever called him Aaron before? And I did not miss that hickey on his neck.”

Your eyes widened quickly, remembering how you’d made home in the crook of his neck while riding him, his arms wound around you, squeezing you softly as his cock plunged into your cunt. It was the same round he’d lavished your chest, his mouth barely leaving them, under your shirt you had your own set of hickeys and bite marks littered across your body. The memories were enough to bring a tingling down south, desire beginning to flood through you as heat crept into your cheeks. That of course was enough for Emily to confirm that her suspicions were right, trying not to gape as she attempted to form a coherent response. Before she could though, Hotch came back through the door, already hanging up a call from Garcia.

“Prentiss, take JJ and head down to talk to the family, Agent,” he turned to you, “grab your coat we’re going to the crime scene.”

“Yes sir.” You nodded, your cheeks flushing at the use of the title already and a possessive look shot through his eyes lightning fast, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a very brief smirk that Emily caught and did her best to hold back a laugh. He was back across the room in an instant, handing out tasks to the rest of the team and Emily pinched at your arm.

“Well, get ready for round two in the car.” She teased and you turned to her with a smug grin.

“More like round eleven.”

_____________________________

@alexusonfire @svushots @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @emobabeyy @daddy-heather-dunbar @mrs-ssa-hotch @hotchandspencearedilfs @mina2000alex @telepathay @darlingsfandom @ssamorganhotchner @hotchsdoormat @hopedoesntknow @thehauntingofbasingse @plaidbooks @niyizh @ababanana @tommyriddleobsessed @supercriminalbean @hotchs-bitch @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @emlynblack @ivyflowers13 @ratsnestinmyhair @silversprings-mp3 @originalbrunettecharacter @elz-artzzz @ssaaaronhotchnerr @itsrainingreid @speedynana @tgskitten @madamsnape921

[ec1ips3]

-;༉‧₊˚✧ 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞

⚡︎ pairing: wayne mccullough x reader 

⚡︎ request: Hi! Can u write something for Wayne McCullough? Maybe reader and wayne had an argument and stop talking for a bit? maybe a lil smut in there too? If u write that!

⚡︎ summary: you and wayne talk about a serious topic and take a break from each other. eventually feeling the need to be around each other.

⚡︎ warning: arguing, rusty writing, a few curse words, some angst, some fluff, happy ending

⚡︎ words: 2,986

⚡︎ a/n: hiiii, first writing entry and its a request! i am so excited to be writing again, i have the motivation now. unfortunately there is no smut in this :( i dont think i’m ready for that- at least not yet. if there’s anything wrong or if it's good, feedback would be amazing! but yeah, happy reading! <33

masterlist | wayne’s masterlist | taglist

“I told you it wasn’t a big deal,” you said, dabbing the cotton ball on his face where the evidence of a recent fight displayed on his face. He was looking at you with such adoration and admiration, almost like you were the greatest thing he’s ever seen in his life. He was silent sitting on the toilet lid, mainly because he was admiring your features. You noticed “hey, you hear me?” you asked, pausing for a moment.

You get back close to him, putting alcohol on another cotton ball and then pressing it to his eyebrow. It’s painful, you know it’s painful. But he doesn’t show any signs of being in pain, he doesn’t even make a noise. You continue to do what you can, unfortunately for him, you aren’t a nurse. 

You get back close to him, putting alcohol on another cotton ball and then pressing it to his eyebrow. It’s painful, you know it’s painful. But he doesn’t show any signs of being in pain, he doesn’t even make a noise. You continue to do what you can, unfortunately for him, you aren’t a nurse. 

You get back close to him, putting alcohol on another cotton ball and then pressing it to his eyebrow. It’s painful, you know it’s painful. But he doesn’t show any signs of being in pain, he doesn’t even make a noise. You continue to do what you can, unfortunately for him, you aren’t a nurse. 

The both of you were ushered over to his bedroom, Wayne collapsing on the bed, you on the floor, getting out your homework. Wayne watches you do the thing he’s never even thought about doing, it confuses him how someone like you, can be with someone like him. But as he’s analyzing you, he’s noticing the emotion displayed on your face, you look angry, and disappointed.

You feel him’s eyes behind you, you turn back and you were right, his eyes were on you. “Why don’t you take a nap? You look tired” you tell him. He does look tired, exhausted even. “You look upset,” Wayne says, his voice quiet and small. 

“I am. But we can talk about it after your nap” 

“ I don’t want you to be angry” he responds. 

“I’ll be thinking about my homework, just please nap,” you say turning back to your homework. Wayne sits up on his bed, no longer laying. 

“I don’t want to nap while you’re angry at me” he clarifies, he’s still watching you.

You pause for a moment and look back at him, “Wayne please, can we talk about this after you sleep? You’re tired and hurt, we shouldn’t worry about this now”

He’s been like that. He doesn’t run away from his problems or his issues, he likes to address them to you. You’re the opposite, you aren’t as vocal with your conflicts as he is, but you try to be; you’ve gotten better, but moments like these can still happen. 

This isn’t the first conflict you’ve had in your relationship with Wayne. The first time started like this, you don’t tell him what’s wrong, he doesn’t want you to leave upset with him, you talk about it, you hug, you kiss, you move on, and you learn. Wayne doesn’t mean to pressure you, that’s the last thing he wants to do, he knows your breaking point and he steers clear of it. 

“Please,” he says, his voice soft, pleading with you. This is his final move before he drops it and naps, you know he’s tired, you know you didn’t want to bring it up now. But you could never say no to Wayne McCullough.

You got off the floor and started to pace back and forth in front of him. You try to speak but the words don’t come out. Wayne gets up and holds you in his arms, this is his way of trying to calm you down. He looks down at you, you look up at him. You shake your head and separate from him. 

“When I told you about the things Carson said, I told you not to worry about it and it wasn’t a big deal. The next day, after I kiss you on the cheek to go to class with Del, I hear yelling and screaming outside the room. When I walk out, I see my boyfriend on the floor with him” You say, Wayne, listening and slowly nodding. He stopped nodding after you reminded him of the kiss on the cheek. “The last thing I want Wayne, are you getting hurt”

“I’m not hurt though. I’m alright, look” His accent pops out, and his arms rise. “Wayne, look at your face in the mirror,” you say. He goes to his bathroom and looks in the mirror, “I’m fine, you should see ‘em” He tries to reassure you but you still aren’t convinced. 

“I didn’t want you to hurt him” you add.

“He was saying things about you.. ‘bout us,” Wayne says

“And that’s okay. He doesn't know me, he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t know us... We shouldn’t worry about people that don’t know a thing about us” You try to tell him but his facial expression shows he isn’t too convinced. 

“I didn’t like what he was sayin’. He now knows not to speak about you” he says, he takes your hand but you pull away. He looks up at you, confused. Why did you take your hand out of his?

You shake your head at him, “I understand that but we don’t always have to use our fists. I have told you this time and time again” 

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you became friends with Wayne. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you started to like him more than a friend. You knew what would happen if he liked you back if you started dating, but you were willing to deal with the consequences because you liked him that much. 

What you didn’t realize, was when he would like you, when he would dated you, he was much more overprotective. You loved it, you love him, and you still love it. But the number of fights he was usually in increased, by a lot. You were worried about him and his future, your future with him. 

Wayne looked back at you, you know he means well, you know he’s trying to understand what you’re saying; but he doesn’t agree with it, he doesn’t believe in it. “I’m doing what’s right,” he said lowly, you shook your head again.

“You’re doing what you think is right”

“I’m defending you, showing him not to mess with you” 

“But there are other ways to do it. Threaten him for all I care, but you can’t keep hurting people. You could’ve gotten expelled, you’re lucky you’re Principal Cole’s favorite!” You say, now you’re getting frustrated, mainly because this isn’t the first time this topic has been brought up.

Wayne’s silent, listening to your thoughts and your feelings.

“I just want what’s best for you,” You say quietly.

“What’s best for me, is protecting you”

“I don’t always need a fight, Wayne!” you say loudly.

You didn’t want to raise your voice. You never wanted to, you never have. You realize what you’ve done when you hear the echo from the room. 

You pause for a moment, then sigh. You get low to the floor, collecting the homework and the books, and the pens you had taken out prior. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” He asks, taking a step closer. 

“I think it’s best if I go home, and if we just take a break from each other”

“What?” he says. He’s confused, how did everything escalate so quickly so shortly? If it’s about you raising your voice at him, he doesn’t care. He enjoys it.

“We’re too protective of each other. We want what we think is right for each other too much. We’ll just spend some time apart and then come back to talk about it” You explain, putting your backpack on your back.

“But what if I don’t want to be apart from you?”

You smile at him. You take a few steps forward and wrap your arms around him, Wayne following suit. 

“I’m not breaking up with you. Just taking a step back from seeing you as much. Just until Sunday.” You say, your head on his shoulder. You feel his heartbeat against yours, it’s beating quicker than normal, quicker than you’d like.  

Wayne is silent. He doesn’t want to be away from you. He already feels like he doesn’t see you enough. You aren’t breaking up with him but why does it feel like you are? But it’s what you want. He could never say no to you.

He sighs and nods, a word not being able to come out. You kiss his cheek, “I’m sorry about raising my voice. I shouldn’t have done that”

“If I say I forgive you, would you stay?”

You laugh lightly and separate from him. “I’ll see you around, Wayne,” you say, walking out of his room, going down the stairs, then leaving his house. Walking home. Alone. Missing him already. 

Wayne knew he was going to have a terrible time. He wouldn’t make it through Sunday. The problem is today was Wednesday. 

He groans and looks outside his window, watching you walk home. He sighs and lands on his bed. It smells like you, he thought. 

This was going to troubling week.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You woke up the Thursday morning and you were already regretting the idea of spending time apart. You felt terrible for even suggesting the idea. But then again, it hadn’t even been 12 hours since you left his house.

You went to school that day and to say it wasn’t the best would be an understatement. You were late to practically all of your classes, you had a bad attitude the entire day, even arguing with your teacher, and you tried talking to Del but it felt like you were missing another part of yourself. 

Wayne had avoided you at all costs, he even convinced Orlando to avoid you. He mainly did this because he knew if he were to see you, he would fail. You wanted a break from each other and he was making sure he would give it to you.

You went home Thursday with your headphones in your ear, usually, you would share one with Wayne. You kept thinking about him the entire day. So much to the point that when you stopped and looked up, you were in front of his house. You shook your head and later walked home. Wayne is still on your mind. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Friday came and went, having another miserable time. The only difference was you saw Wayne. He was already looking at you and it took everything in you to not run up to him and kiss his cute face, his cute lips, and his cute everything. 

But you didn’t.

You looked at him and smiled, putting up two fingers to signify two more days.

Wayne was never a smiler before he met you, and when he was friends with you he didn’t smile much. But when he started to date you. Anytime you caught him looking, he would smile at you. When you put up your two fingers he smiled. That was the hope he needed.

Now it’s Saturday, and you were in desperate need of his company. But you made it this far, so you called Del who quickly came over. 

You and Del were in your room, talking about anything and everything. School, friends, family, stories. You were having a much-needed girl talk and a good time. 

“Yeah, Wayne’s dad used to call him, asshole Tommy Cole” You laughed with her

You were having a good time until she brought up your current situation. 

“What’s up with you and Wayne anyway?” she asked

You looked at her, “we’re taking a break from each other” you sighed, her eyes wide. “Not like we’ve broken up! Just that we’re spending time apart”

“Let me guess, you were the one that said it”

“How did you know?” You asked, Del just laughed. “Wayne looked like shit. It’s like he’s back to how he used to be when you guys weren’t dating. So mopey and quiet. Whisperin’ things like ‘this remind me of Y/N or whateva’. It was annoying at first but now it’s sad” she said, you closed your eyes shut, that was the last thing you needed to hear. 

You groaned, putting your pillow over your face. 

“Oh it’s both ways, huh” Del laughed as you continued to groan into your pillow.

“It’s like I didn’t realize how much I was around him until I’m no longer near him. And god Del, I know how much you hate romance but I miss him so much! Like I almost feel empty without him” You complained, Del just continuing to laugh at you. 

“Why are you here with me then? Go get ‘em!” she told you

“I can’t just run back after I was the one that told him we needed time apart just until Sunday”

“Why did you suggest it in the first place?” 

“Because of the fight with Carson. I didn’t want him to fight Carson but I especially didn’t want him getting hurt” You vent, 

“He’s fuckin’ Wayne. Nothing and I mean, nothin’ hurts the kid” Del said.

“I just don’t like seeing him like that. We disagreed because we protect each other too much. He fights for me and I argue with him because he fights for me.” You sigh. Del is quiet for a moment.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday. The first thing you do tomorrow is said exactly that. I’m sure he’ll understand now. Plus you two can’t break up” Del said, getting off of your bed. 

“Why can’t we break up?” You asked,

“You two are the only reason I believe in love again,” Del said, you smiled at her, “I’m gonna go so you can mope about ‘em some more”

You got off your floor and hugged her, “thanks for this. I needed this” you said 

Del was still at first but then accepted the hug, putting her arms around you and hugging you back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was Sunday.

Wayne woke up still feeling empty without you, he hates this whole thing. He hasn’t been getting any sleep since you left Wednesday night, he hasn’t been eating as much, and he hasn't spoken to Orlando or Del since Friday. He’s a wreck.

The doorbell goes off and he wonders who in their right mind would be up this early. He looked at his side table and noticed the time. It was two in the afternoon. 

He walked down the stairs and opened the door, seeing you and your gorgeous smile. 

“Hey,” he says

“Hi,” You say.

The two of you are not silent, an awkward silence.

“Can I come in?” You ask, it’s almost like his face lights up. He nods and looks up the stairs, you already knew where to go after.

You walked in and went up the stairs, walking into his bedroom. The room was silent again once he closed the door.

“I missed you,” Wayne said, you smiled, “I missed you too” you respond. The room was silent again. 

“I thought about everything,” you tell him. The expression on his face went pale. It was like his heart had been taken out of his body.

“Are you- are you breakin’ up with me?” his voice quiet, gentle, soft, scared. 

You were silent, why would he ever-

You took steps toward him and kissed his soft, pale pink lips. God, you’ve missed the feeling of them. Your hand was on his face, his hands held onto your waist, almost like if he let go, you would disappear. If there was one thing you learned about Wayne it was that he is very gentle with his kisses and although he doesn’t speak to most people, he was an amazing kisser. 

You separated your lips from his to breathe, “I would never, and I mean. Never. Break up with you, Wayne McCullough.” You pecked his lips one more time, but he still held onto you.

“What’d you think about?” He asked, his voice low and gentle.

“Us, what we could do. I think I found a solution” You tell him, your face still close to him.

He doesn’t say words for you to know to continue speaking. “What if I’ll stop worrying as much, about you, about your fights, everything? If and only if, you don’t fight as much”

“A fight every two weeks?” He asks, 

“How ‘bout a fight a month,” you say.

He thinks about it. Fighting doesn’t include warning people, you both knew that if something were to happen, he could use other ways. Rough them up a bit maybe. 

“If I agree to this, can I kiss you?”

You giggle a bit and nod. He wastes no time and kisses you again, trying to pull you closer to him as if you aren't as close as you could get. After about a minute you separate. 

“Pinky promise me,” you tell him, putting your pinky up. He looks at you, at your pinky, then he rolls his eyes. His pinky then wraps around yours.

“I pinky promise” 

You giggle again, kissing him again. God, you could do this for hours.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says breathily. It was the first time he’s said it. 

You smiled.

“I love you, Wayne”

He kisses both of your cheeks, your nose, your smile lines, then finally your lips. The rest of the day is spent telling each other how being apart felt and agreeing to never do it again. Once the sun was settling you started to watch a movie. Wayne fell asleep in your arms shortly after, you noticed and kissed the top of his head.

god, this was so cute, i love it here.

[steviewashere]

Birthday Blues

Rating: Teen and Up Pairing: Steve Harrington & Steve Harrington's Parents, Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson CW: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Abuse, Brief Mention of Child Abuse, Brief Mention of Financial Abuse, Brief Mention of Secondary Original Character Death Tags: Post-Canon, Post Vecna, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Steve Harrington Has a Stepdad, Steve Harrington Has a Good Mom, Steve Harrington's Father Being an Asshole, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Emotional Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson Takes Care of Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington's Mom is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington's Birthday, Steve Harrington is Loved, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Hopeful Ending, Bittersweet Ending

Based on my own experience with my stepdad and uh...yeah, that's it, basically. Be kind, I guess? 🤷‍♂️

Also on Ao3 because this shit is long.

🫂————————🫂 He thought his twentieth birthday would come with more fanfare. Maybe not the whole calvary. But something simple. A cake, maybe. A card, possibly. Even just a simple “Happy Birthday.” That would’ve sufficed.

And the problem isn’t with his friends. No. They’ve sent him messages over the walkie since the clock hit midnight on June 29th. Made plans for the next few days. Promised birthday gifts tonight. He wondered if everything was supposed to be a surprise: the gifts and cake and plans. But Robin had already reached out, promised him that she already spoke with everybody, made sure to tell them how he doesn’t like surprises; not after Vecna, not after his ankle had been grabbed.

The issue is with his mom’s boyfriend. His ‘stepdad.’

Nobody really knows much about him. Not really. Nothing above: “He’s an asshole. I don't like him.” Which is…a way to make an impression. But he doesn’t really enjoy talking about him.

The boyfriend came into the picture when Steve was seven. When he was naive and confused about the world around him. When he was used to it just being him and his mom for a while. His birth dad had passed on really young—nothing that could’ve been prevented, but it wasn’t any sort of accident, and Steve doesn’t like talking about it; so he just doesn’t. But the boyfriend came along after so much nothing. After a life half-lived.

He was kind, at first. Interested. Capable. Made Steve’s mom happy. Took her out for dates—which left Steve with a babysitter; then on his lonesome when he turned thirteen—he bought her things, promised the moon, was at her beck and call. He even cared about Steve. Introduced him to the world of Spiderman comic books and baseball games and driving with the windows down. Had been there for home baseball games, Steve’s first piano recital, and for the first handful of birthday parties. He helped, when there was nothing. He helped, even when they had everything.

Then came the alcohol.

Steve remembers it clear as day. The vacation they all took together. They’d taken a plane from Indianapolis to Seattle. And it was sort of cool, Steve figured. The hotel with the indoor pool and the double-wide beds and the really nice view over the tops of tall apartment buildings. It was the first of many trips; one of the last Steve went on. What came with the nice hotel, though, was a bar and grill down at the lobby.

And sure, it was a time for celebration. Of sorts. They were heading out for Disneyland, Steve had been wide awake since the night before, his mom had bought them matching shirts so that nobody got lost. It was ideal, fun, what say you. But then the boyfriend came upstairs, a cup of something sticky in his hand, and a glaze to his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

“We’re celebrating,” he had slurred, “it’s alright, just for the night. Let’s have some fun.”

It didn’t stop there, though. Steve hadn’t known why at first. But then came the arguments over the next couple months after that decision. When the recycling bin was full of more beer bottles than empty containers of yogurt. When Richard was slurring his words earlier and earlier in the evening. When he’d sleep a good amount of the day, try and right himself from work, barely talk to anybody when he came back, and already had a bottle in hand by the time conversations started. The arguments were unrelenting, though. He could hear them through the floor of his bedroom: “Laura!”, “Richard.”. A few tense moments would pass after Laura, Steve’s mom, would say that name. Steve would leave his bed, in all the right spaces to make sure it didn’t creak, and settle himself by his bedroom door—where he could open it a crack just to hear, just to know, in case something happened and he had to go down there. Then, she’d speak again. Quiet and wet and calm, “I wish you would stop. If not for me, do it for Steven.”

Steve would hold his breath. Waiting. His mom never called him that, not unless he was in trouble, not unless she was serious. And his stomach turned at the thought of it. She’d call him Stevie otherwise, all soft and sweet and soaking—akin to the sugary butter at the bottom of a freshly made cinnamon roll. He liked that. He loved her. He loved Richard, despite all of this.

Until, finally, Richard spoke. “Is that supposed to make me care?” He questioned with ire. “He isn’t mine,” he eventually spat. And then he stormed to their bedroom—downstairs on the first floor, just off of the living room—slammed the door.

His mom wept that night, Steve could relay if asked. And he had been too tied up in his own awful sadness to go downstairs and comfort her. It wasn’t the last time. Wasn’t the last slammed door, or argument, or soft cry; for either of them. At least Mom loves me, he had thought, at least she’s mine.

With the alcohol and that understanding of absent love and those arguments, Steve would instigate them, too. He’d pick fights if only to get Richard to leave the house quicker. He’d scream and spit and stomp his feet, if only to get time alone. He’d even get fussy with his mom. Because if he could be an ass, get them both to be angry at him, maybe Richard would stay off of her for a little while. Maybe he wouldn’t drink so early. Maybe he’d have to have a conversation about “Steve’s antics.” It only made him more distant. It only made him angrier.

And with all of that in mind, he stopped the birthday celebrations. He stopped caring. He stopped saying “I love you,” when Steve went to bed. He stopped being a dad.

Because Steve wasn’t his. And he wanted to make sure the whole world knew it.

In comes his twentieth birthday, though. And he thought, maybe, that Richard would care. That he’d do something similar to when Steve was a kid. Make pancakes and wake him up with a soft knock to his door and sing the birthday song. He supposed, though, that that was all so foolish. That he wasn’t a little kid, so why would Richard do any of that? Maybe to prove himself, that’s something. Maybe care at all.

His mom had said something at midnight. Then again at nine in the morning. Then again over scrambled eggs and bacon. Made plans. Ushered a card full of cash and the Duran Duran album he didn’t have yet, Notorious, on cassette into his hands. He thanked her, kissed the top of her head, and put his things away upstairs. Richard still had said nothing. In fact, he was snoring through the wall. And the evidence of his latest binge had been scattered across the kitchen countertops before making it to the recycling bin; Steve should know, he had to put them in there and his hands came away smelling of cheap beer—it’s not even the good stuff, how can he drink this shit, he asked himself.

But he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. Sure, his chest caved in something funny. And his throat sort of went dry. He went to his car, though. And he drove off to where Robin had told him to go. To Eddie’s new double-wide trailer, a damn replica of his old one on the outside. Where everybody was already parked and waiting. Hanging out outside, sodas and…beer in hand.

He took a steadying breath and forced his way over to them. Let them shout ‘Happy Birthday’ at him. And then he took a seat by Eddie. He was in a pair of loose black basketball shorts, a white t-shirt, and barefoot. His hair was piled up. And he was drinking. 

“Hey baby,” Eddie greeted. He leaned over the side of the sofa they were on, dug around in what Steve assumed was a cooler, and held out a weeping beer can. “Technically, it’s not legal, but I’m not going to tell anybody.”

Steve eyed it for a few long seconds. Enough that Eddie’s hand wavered, the beer threatening to fall to the floor. He looked back up. “No—uh—no, I don’t want that. Can…I’m going to sound like a dick, but can I make a request?”

Eddie put the beer away with a sidelong glance. He furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s your birthday, Stevie. Of course you can make a request.”

“Can we put the beer away? I don’t…It’s making me uncomfortable.”

Another odd glance to Steve, Eddie gave. His mouth pinched. He swished his near empty can in his hand. How many has he had, Steve wondered briefly, some weird pulse of panic in his belly. “Sure,” Eddie agreed slowly. “You going cold turkey or something? Could’a sworn you had one the other day when I saw you?”

He watches Eddie stand up briefly, pour out his beer over the side of the porch, and then place it in a clear garbage bag that’s been tied to the railing. There’s already three or four beer cans in there—Steve knows that’s what they are, they all say Miller and the cans the kids have are bright red or green. He looks back to Eddie’s face when he settles down again, an arm thrown over the back of the couch, hair falling loosely from his bun, sweat on his brow, sweat or beer on his upper lip.

“I just don’t want people drinking today, please.” And he feels kind of silly. Having to explain himself.

But Eddie’s hand curls down from the back of the couch, dangling loose at the back of Steve’s neck. Fingers trailing over the top notches of his spine. “You got it, sugar. I’ll have Robs put it away inside, okay?” Steve nods loosely, lets Eddie holler out, and relaxes into his side.

The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly. There were gifts: hairspray from Dustin, some artwork from Will, a new basketball from Lucas, matching shirts from Robin, a book he’d asked for from Eddie, and cards from the others who couldn’t find something in time or afford anything. He’s thankful for it all because it’s more than he expected. And there’s cake, his favorite, German chocolate with Ferrero Rocher candies on the borders; “Nance and I made it,” Robin explained and he gave her a knowing look.

It was all so normal. So good. So sweet.

Just like it had been last year. Even the year before that. And the years prior, when it was his mom and Tommy and Carol and Nancy. And the years before that, when it was Richard and his mom.

He really wants to cry about it.

When the party dwindles down, it’s just him and Eddie. Eddie’s putting out the last of the recycling and cleaning up some dishes, to which he adamantly refused to let Steve help with. And so Steve takes advantage, using the new phone.

He dials his house number and waits as it rings for his mom to pick up.

“Harrington household, Laura speaking,” she greets, her voice…nasally. Unusually so.

“Hey Mom,” he greets back, “it’s…Well, you know it’s Steve. Just called to…wanted to check-in. How’s everything going?”

She shuffles on the other end. Clears her throat. Sniffs. “He’s not going to say it, Stevie, I’m sorry,” she says, voice unreasonably apologetic. “I tried to get him to at least call this number you gave me, you know for your Eddie friend. And he…he just scoffed at me. Said some things, you know how he is.”

“Oh,” he mutters. His voice must do something weird, because Eddie’s slowing his wash on the dishes, leaning further into the counter edge to look at Steve. “Are you okay?”

“It’s the usual, Stevie. It’s just—“ She sighs, a great heaving thing. “—Just the usual. He’s already out to the store. Took the last bit of my cash for it; he spent all his own. Left me here with microwaved leftovers. Might turn in early.”

“I can give back the bit of cash you gave—“

“No,” she rushes. “No, Stevie. That’s your money. If it came back to me, he’d probably take it anyway. Don’t worry about it, alright? Just…If your friend can let you, I think you should stay the night there. Richard’s…he’s got the whiskey out from the den. Just stay with Eddie for now. I’ll take you out tomorrow for cake, okay? We’ll make a little date out of it. Just us. Like it was…Like it was before.”

He stands still for a moment. The phone cradled in his hands by his ear. Her words ringing out so loud, yet so soft. He really wants to cry about it.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters in his silence, “I’m sorry he ruined this for you.” She shuffles again. Probably got one arm wrapped around her waist, stepping to the side in her slippers. Like she always does when she has to call her sister about…him. She sighs again. “I’d leave him if I could. God, Steve. I would create whole galaxies for just us to live in if I could. I wish I knew how to fix this. I’m sorry I can’t fix this.”

“It’s alright, Mama,” he whispers, utterly broken. “’T’s alright. We’ll do cake tomorrow, yeah? I’ll pay for us to get milkshakes for old times sake, right? Like…” He swallows. Murmurs, “Like before.”

Just off to the side, Eddie’s inched closer. The dishes completely abandoned now. Steve doesn’t want to look at him, thinks he’ll break down if he does. But his body heat is welcoming, wrapping around him like a warm hug.

“Like before,” she echoes. Sniffs. “Just heard the car outside. I’ll…Call me in the morning, okay? I’ll let you know how tonight went. I love you, Stevie. I love you, don’t forget that.”

He takes a breath, it stutters like the skip over a scratch on a record. “I love you, too,” he breathes out. “Be safe,” he murmurs, “you have the address if you need to get away. Or…call me if you need me to get you.”

“I’ll be okay,” she mutters, a wisp of a smile to her voice. “Now, you go have fun. Tell Eddie I said hi. And that…Tell him I say thank you for keeping you.”

They share their goodbyes almost hastily. Right as her words fall through the receiver, the front door seems to open, and the phone is hung up before he can chance anything else. The dial tone is blearing in his ears. He keeps the phone cradled close, like maybe she’ll reach a hand out through the speaker and caress his face. Kind of wants her to.

And he doesn’t have the chance to stop himself from crying. Trembling where he stands. Tears streaking hot and fast down his cheeks, over his jaw. He doesn’t make a noise, but it’s a near damn thing.

“Baby?” Eddie calls softly. He takes a hesitant step forward. And he’s closer than Steve thought. Right at his left side. His hands reach out and take the phone from Steve, hanging it back up. He wraps his palms over Steve’s biceps, barely turning him. “Sweetheart?” He calls out again, softer this time. Bending down just a little to make them stare at each other. He moves up to Steve’s face, cupping his cheeks, thumbs working over the tears. “’S everything alright?”

He sobs something little at that. Closing his eyes so he can’t see Eddie. “He’s so selfish,” he manages to cry out, “Why doesn’t he care?”

“Who, sweetheart? Who’s ass do I need to…” Steve finally stares back. And whatever it is that’s there, Eddie seems to understand. “Oh,” he coos, “oh baby.” In a flurry of movement, Steve is pulled in tight and close. Haphazardly dragged back to the sofa and plopped down almost unceremoniously, if Eddie weren’t holding him so carefully. There’s a palm at the center of his back and one on his head. Both of them firm and welcomed and warm.

“He—Just—He just doesn’t,” Steve hiccups between breaths, “Never—Never cared.”

Eddie shushes him gently. Leans back against the armrest behind him, and pulls Steve on top. His face is tucked into Eddie’s left shoulder, where it’s awkwardly stuffed between the armrest and the backing, and he just cries.

There haven’t been a lot of moments where Steve’s cried over this. Maybe once or twice when he was in high school, but that’s about it. Otherwise, he was getting it out through anger or ignoring it altogether or trying to talk it out with his mom. So many conversations and so many arguments and so much just shoved inside his chest. He thinks if he weren’t getting it out right now, soaking the fabric of Eddie’s white shirt, he’d probably burst at the seams, maybe teeter, fall right off the deep end into something murky and thick. He’d probably die from it. Have a heart attack, maybe, like his dad did.

When there’s nothing more to cry out, he just breathes hot and heavy and choking over Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ve got you, baby,” Eddie murmurs, fingers petting through Steve’s hair, “we’ve got nowhere to be right now, okay? You can fall apart here, I’ll still catch you.”

He sniffs. “I just…I just want him to love me,” Steve admits quietly, “To think of me as his kid and to want to do better and to just be somebody I wanna be around.” His arms wrap snuggly around Eddie’s waist, pushing himself further into the hold of their bodies.

“Can I ask something?” Eddie asks gently.

“You just did,” Steve murmurs, voice crackling with the joke. It’s almost hollow coming out of his mouth.

But Eddie snorts anyway. “Okay…Fine. Two questions. Does this have anything to do with the whole beer thing earlier?”

Steve stiffens, brain fighting to find an excuse, but he figures it’s best to just be honest. Even as shameful as it seems to be some days. “Yeah,” he sighs, giving in. Swallows harshly, his jugular moving over Eddie’s shoulder, the sharp outline of the joint against his neck. “Yeah, it does. He drinks like everyday. Sometimes he…some days he doesn’t, claims he’s stopping for good, says he won’t pick it back up. But then he’s doing it the next day and I—“ He shrugs where he can move. “I just don’t get it, I guess. And I…I try so hard to not think of him badly, y’know? He’s probably got shit he’s working through. But it’s almost everyday, Eddie. He’s almost always drunk. Always arguing with my mom. I can hear him through the floor of my room,” he admits. “I want to feel bad, but the way he treats me—the way he treats my mom—“

“How does he treat you? Just focus on you right now, Steve.”

He squeezes his eyes shut and breathes a harsh sigh through his nose. He can’t bring himself to pull his head up, to look Eddie in the eyes. “I want to feel bad,” he repeats slowly. “But he’s so awful. He’s not a good person when he’s drunk, Eddie. He just riles me up, argues with me, tears me back down. That sort of shit.” Steve shifts, rolling his head over onto Eddie’s chest. The depth of his breath under Steve’s ear.

“He told me to go fuck myself the other night,” Steve murmurs, “I don’t know why, but that like…It solidified in me the fact that he doesn’t love me. I don’t know why I expected him to tell me happy birthday today. Why he’d choose this year out of ‘em all to finally be the person I expected him to be. Just my stupid brain, I guess.”

Eddie’s arms tighten around him. Hands petting over where they rest. “It’s okay to be disappointed, Steve,” he carefully states. “You wanted the best for him and he let you down, tore you apart in the process. You needed him to be your dad and he’s made no effort, it’s not…You’re not stupid for wanting that love.”

“He used to be so nice, Eds. I used to love him. I want to love him, but he makes it so hard. God, that makes me sound like such a terrible person, to admit something like that out loud.”

“No, Stevie,” Eddie immediately says. “You’re not a bad person for wanting to love somebody. And you’re not a bad person for refusing yourself to love them. He’s hurt you, Steve. And you’re allowed to feel how you need to.

“And…” Eddie’s hands clasp over the middle of Steve’s back. Heavy and sure. “From experience,” he musters, “with my dad, sometimes you just gotta let go of that love. Sometimes you just gotta tell yourself that it’s not possible. Because…honestly, in some ways, it is impossible. My dad had every opportunity, and yet he chose alcohol and drugs and crime over me.

“I miss who he was…Before my mom died. I miss his laugh and his hugs and our inside jokes. Miss the way he used to play guitar and the late night drives we’d go on. I miss when he taught me good things, like catching lightning bugs in our palms and how to make a good smash burger and how to tell entertaining stories.

“I don’t miss him now, though,” Eddie confesses quietly. The words almost lost in Steve’s hair. “He hurt me in irreparable ways. Mentally and…and physically. But what got me through the worst of it, before I came here, was knowing there were other people out there who’d love me. Who love me and continue despite who I am or what I’ve experienced. Like Wayne. And my grandma, at the time. My friends; Corroded Coffin especially.

“I could spend a million lifetimes unloved by my dad, but at least it’s the real love I was surrounded by. Sometimes people are so damaged that they like it, they like the cracks they can trace and the anger in their blood, they almost enjoy it—they usually don’t get better. My dad was that way. Even when he quit the couple times he did, he always found his way back to that alcohol, those drugs.” Eddie’s fingers absentmindedly trace over the notches of Steve’s spine. His breath a little heavier, a bit raspier. And Steve is absorbing the words. “Sometimes people want to get better and they don’t know how. And that’s when help is needed, outsourced hands, intervention, that kinda shit.”

“We’ve tried,” Steve breathes heavily. “My mom and I have tried so damn hard, Eddie.”

“What’s he usually say in response to that help?” Eddie asks quietly.

Steve takes a deep breath. Sighs, “That he doesn’t want it.” He slowly brings his left hand to Eddie’s chest, tracing figure eights over his shirt. “I wish he’d want it. I—He was my dad for a little while. Now I just live with a stranger.”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Eddie murmurs, “for what it’s worth. I’m sorry you’re going through this. That you’re still going through this.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not, Stevie. Things don’t have to be this way.”

“It has to be fine,” Steve mutters, “there’s no other way right now. I can’t leave my mom. And my mom can’t leave him. And he won’t stop.”

Eddie takes a careful breath. “You can leave, though. Steve, you’re an adult, you can go,” he softly states.

“I’m not leaving my mom,” Steve snaps lightly. He sniffs, the last of those tears and snot receding. “Sorry,” he breathes. “I just can’t do that to her, Eds. She wouldn’t do it to me. I’m not gonna do it to her.”

“Okay,” Eddie murmurs, “then, look at me, sweetheart.” Slowly, careful of the slight tension in his neck, Steve raises his head and stares down at Eddie. There are tear tracks on Eddie’s cheeks. A sheen to his eyes. And Steve begins to reach up, but Eddie holds him down tightly. “You, Steve Harrington, are loved by people who want to do right by you. You, Steve, will have love in so many corners of your life. The love that Dick has isn’t for you and it definitely isn’t for your mom.

“I love you, you hear me? And Wayne does. Hopper does. There, that’s two dads. Your mom loves you, too. She loves you with her whole soul. And you’ve got your friends, Robin and Dustin especially. And you’ll have more, Stevie,” Eddie explains gently, his fingers going back to trace along the edges of Steve’s spine. “I can’t fix things, I’m sorry. And I’m not sure how things turn around. But they will some day. I know it because I lived it. We can’t figure it out right now, but we’ll find our way some time down the line. Focus on the people you’ve got right now, though, Stevie. Not him. He ain’t worth a rat’s ass.”

Steve snorts wetly. His lips tremble and his eyes ache something fierce. He’ll cry forever at this rate, but at least Eddie’s hands move to his cheek, at least he wipes the tears away. “I love you, too,” he breathes. “And I’m sorry that you have to know all this shit. That you had to go through that.”

“I’ll figure out a way to know how to get you through it, too,” Eddie murmurs, smiling softly, his eyes moments away from leaking. “But you’re loved. He ain’t worth it. Don’t go searching for something you ain’t gonna find.”

He drops his head back down and burrows under Eddie’s chin. At least he found this. “When I’m ready to go, will you have space for me?”

“Always and forever,” Eddie rushes to answer. “Remember, baby? You fall and I catch you. You come knocking on my door, I’m gonna answer it. And if you climb in bed with me, I’ll hold you close and never let go.”

Steve nods gently, pushing himself in further. He sighs. “Thank you,” he mutters. Eddie squeezes him in. “My mom said hi and thank you, by the way. Remind me to call her in the morning? I wanna make sure I get her before he wakes up.”

“You got it, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs, “now let’s get ourselves to bed before we fall asleep on this couch. Gotta be comfortable, don’t we?”

He huffs. “But you’re comfy.”

Eddie snorts. “I love you and I don’t want you to be sore. Come to bed with me?”

Steve wriggles. “Okay,” he relents. “Because I love you and I also don’t want you to be sore.”

And, he supposes, because he's loved.

🫂————————🫂 Sorry if this sucked, I wrote this with a raging migraine and have no grasp on how shit it is. Whoops.

[delicate-moon-princess]

that last ask has me thinking about soft daddy Henry who cares so much about your mental health. I have adhd (not bad but it’s there) and I really struggle with depression and anxiety in the wrong environment. I can just see daddy!Henry mode activated if you went to a party you didn’t know would be so loud and chaotic. He has you lean against a corner and breathe in sync with him, uses his charm to find a perfect excuse to leave. You’re all “I’ll be okay, we don’t have to go,” and he just gives you that daddy look like he can’t believe you would downplay your needs like that, and he low (high) key wants to spank you for it. And then he cuddles you all night long. But then if you get depressed (maybe you’re PMSing, maybe someone said something that triggered a bad thought cycle), he runs you a bubble bath and pours you a glass of wine and rubs your shoulders and snuggles you through your favorite Disney movie. And goodness help them, if someone did say something negative to you, but he would spend the night making you fall apart on his fingers and tongue until you forgot all about that silly person 🤭

(Henry is a big protective bear in this one, so a gif of Walter had to be used obviously.)

 Overwhelmed

A party gets out of hand when some harsh words are thrown around. Henry is there to pick up the pieces, but it’s not always so easy healing your broken mind. (Based on this original ask)

Warning: 18+ smutty content, RPF, minor alcohol consumption, bullying, minor violence, bad thoughts and self image, mental health issues, panic attacks, comfort, daddy kink (not exactly dd/lg, but could have undertones), oral (f receiving), Henry being a gentleman and expecting nothing in return 🤭, multiple orgasms

5.1k words

Any typos are my own

******

This was supposed to be a small get together. That’s what you were told. A plan for a few friends to gather for a couple drinks at home. Maybe you would play some board games.

But a few people quickly turned into loads. And a couple drinks was soon an incessant river of alcohol. Now you found yourself stuck in the middle of a jumping house party.

At least thirty sweaty bodies were packed into the mediocre sized home. And new faces seemed to be showing up every minute. And the only person you knew in this place, Henry, had left to go get you some water when he saw you start to panic. 

This definitely wasn’t your kind of crowd.

Miraculously, he had found a quiet corner for you to wait in. So that is where you waited for him, as patiently as you could. You did your best to remain calm as the loud music thudded in the other room. The vibrations rattled your throbbing head. You leaned against the wall in the empty hallway, sighing.

Why did social gatherings like this overwhelm you? It always seemed like a good idea in theory. A place to meet with people, an opportunity to make new friends. But your imbalanced brain had a way of ruining things. You could never enjoy yourself. And you were sure you weren’t a joy to be around when you got overstimulated like this.

Wait for Henry, you told yourself. Don’t get too worked up. He will be back soon.

You heard footsteps approaching, so you lifted your head with a weak smile. You were expecting him to return, and all would be well again. Only it wasn’t him. Instead it was the host of the party, the one who told you it was a small gathering.

Jake. A friend of Henry’s. One that always gave you bad vibes. You bit your tongue with your bad feelings about him. If your man liked him, so should you. You were being paranoid. As always.

“Hi, Jake.” You wiped the anxious sweat from your brow, offering him a polite smile. “Quite the party.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you left already.” His voice seemed to be laced with distaste, but you figured you were imagining it. 

“I’m waiting for Henry. He left to get us some water.” You explained, wiping your damp palms on your thighs.

“Your little errand boy, right?”

“H-Huh?” You uttered in confusion. Errand boy?

“You’ve got him wrapped around your finger, don’t you? You say jump and he says how high.” He spat, crossing his arms

“Jake, I’m not-” Perhaps you were about to stick up for yourself, but he cut you off again so the words died in your throat.

“He can’t seem to go anywhere without you tagging along. Asking him for a guys night is like pulling teeth. Always spending time with the old ball and chain. You’re nagging him 24/7, aren’t you?” He scoffed.

“No, I…” You trailed off, thinking long and hard. Did you nag him?

Jake gave you hardly any time to think before spurting out more insults.

“Y’know I never could see what he saw in you. No one can. The man can get anyone. Everyone knows that. So why does he go and pick a ugly slag like you?” He jabbed, and you felt your eyes prick.

Your chest tightened. That was a question you asked yourself everyday. Everytime you woke up next to Henry. When he greeted you with a kiss and a smile. A beautiful way to start the day. But deep down it made you feel vulnerable. 

What did you do to deserve him? Nothing. Nothing at all. You were nobody. A nobody with a broken mind. 

“Why don’t you leave so the man can actually have some fun for once?” He was right. 

You blinked and didn’t say anything. You took his advice though, wobbling away as your heart began to beat quicker. You had to get out of here. The front door never seemed so far away.

You could already feel yourself spiraling as you rounded the corner to the living room. It was packed and loud. More people shuffled into your sight range. With each new face, it felt harder to breathe. You were suffocated.

You inhaled shakily, stumbling a little. You collided with a hard body, and as you were about to whip around a pair of hands cupped your shoulders. You tried to turn and apologize, but the person spoke.

“Darling? Are you alright?” Henry. You looked at him, taking in his features. He was here to protect you. But why weren’t you able to calm down? 

His lips were moving, though you couldn’t hear him. Everything was muffled. The people, the music, his voice. It all sounded far away. Like you were underwater. 

Your breathing was labored, your brain dissociating when the panic almost overtook you. The only way you were going to survive this was by detaching your mind from your body.

You felt yourself being moved. His solid presence was behind you, holding you by your shoulders. Your attention was focused on the floor. Pairs of shuffling shoes invaded your vision as he guided you through the crowd.

The fresh air entered your lungs when he got you outside. Cool and refreshing, unlike the stuffy hot air inside the house. Your hands shook as you reached up to hold your face, hiccuping when you were forced back to reality.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I’m here. You’re safe, I promise.” His hand gently laid on your back, not crowding you.

“Breathe, baby. Breathe in against my hand here.” He placed his other palm on your stomach, a gentle reminder to breathe in through your diaphragm.

You closed your eyes, inhaling as you concentrated on not panicking. Your breathing was shaky but it did wonders to calm you. His soft voice rang in your ears, praising you.

“There she is, good girl. I knew you could do it, I knew you could work yourself down.” He murmured. 

He stroked your moist cheek, pushing your hair away from your sweaty forehead. You leaned into his touch, your rapid heart slowing.

“Darling, what happened in there?” His face showed his worry.

“I… I got a little overwhelmed. That’s all.” You murmured while glancing down at the ground. He didn’t need to know about your encounter with Jake.

He rubbed the base of your neck sympathetically. He could tell there was more. Something was bothering you.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t realize it would be so crowded.” He kissed your temple as he apologized.

“It’s alright. Neither of us could have known Jake would invite everyone he knew.” You gave him a weak smile, shaking your head.

You thought you kept your tone even while speaking about that wretched man. Henry caught it. He didn’t let his surprise be known. He was confused by your sudden annoyance towards Jake, who you tolerated before.

“Let’s go home, princess. I think we’ve had enough fun for one night.” He took your hand, kissing your knuckles while giving you a dazzling smile.

You frowned, disappointed in yourself for not being able to handle a simple house party. He had seemed really excited about this get together. Even as more people showed up, he kept his smile and light heartedness. That was until your mood had dropped.

Jake was right. Henry couldn’t have fun with you around. You ruin everything. Quickly, you had to fix this.   

“No, no- I’m okay. I-I only needed a breather.” You shook your head frantically, swallowing. You grimaced when you realized how dry your throat was.

His expression dropped slightly, resembling a scold. He held the water out to you after opening it, silently urging you to drink. You took the bottle sheepishly, sipping from it slowly. 

“We’re not staying here anymore. We need to go home and decompress. Both of us.” He sighed when you pouted, softening his features as he rubbed your shoulders. He leaned in, kissing between your brows as you furrowed them.

“I really need to snuggle my favorite girl right now, okay? We can have a nice bubble bath. I’ll wash you up then maybe we can watch a movie after I get you into some warm pajamas.” He leveled with you, cupping your cheek.

“Okay...” You smiled weakly. Cuddling with him sounded better than anything. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He started to turn towards the car.

“Hey, you two!” A voice called out from behind you, a familiar one that made you both freeze. For different reasons.

Henry spun around first, a grin on his face as he greeted his friend. They embraced in a hug as you turned slowly, trying to keep a polite smile. You hoped Jake would just let you two go without any snide comment.

The man in question spared you a glance as Henry patted his shoulder. 

“Hey, man. This has been quite the party. Y/N and I had a great time.” 

“Really? You’re leaving so soon.” Jake questioned, his brow raising in suspicion.

“Oh, I’ve got an early meeting in the morning. My manager contacted me with some stuff about emergency re-shoots. You know how it goes, man.” He quickly came up with a solid excuse, smooth as ever.

“Yeah, I know how it goes. It’s whatever the lady says right, pal?” Jake took a hearty swig of his beer, staring your man in the eye as his face dropped. You shifted on your feet, looking down in shame.

 “Sorry?” 

“Tell me, does she carry your balls around in her purse? Because you seem to have lost your pair.” He bit out viciously, the liquid courage burning in his chest.

“What did you just say?” Henry reared up, taking one long stride to get right in the other man’s face. 

His brows were pinched angrily. Jake’s eyes widened in the slightest, but the alcohol in his system was making him braver. He didn’t back down.

“You heard me. Ever since she’s been tagging along, you’ve turned into an utter bore. Must be some good pussy, because it seems to have sucked the life out of you.” He spit.

The anger that flashed on your boyfriend’s face was bone-chilling. In the blink of an eye, he had the smaller man’s collar clenched in his fists. Yanking him upwards, Henry shook him while growling.

“Do you think the fact that you’re hammered is going to keep me from punching your teeth in? I’m going to make you regret disrespecting her.” He growled dangerously.

You finally came to your senses when you saw him pull his fist backwards. Jake flinched. Thankfully you were able to stop your boyfriend before his knuckles were to connect with the drunk’s jaw.

“Don’t.” You gasped softly, catching his gaze while holding his arm in both of your hands. His eye twitched as his fist clenched tighter. You felt the tendons in his forearm jerk. You squeezed reassuringly.

You shook your head silently, a wordless plea for him to not escalate this. Punching him would only make things worse. Jake wasn’t worth it.

The anger dissipated from his face as he gazed at you. He lowered his fist, while his other hand on Jake’s collar loosened. Henry was about to let him go completely, until Jake scoffed under his breath.

“Pfft. Pussy-whipped.”

The actor’s face twisted once more. You sighed, cursing the hammered bastard mentally. He wasn’t making this any easier. You could tell Henry was still itching to beat him mercilessly. Said man grunted, your hand falling from his arm as he gripped Jake’s collar once more.

The large man lifted the smaller one off the ground. At least three feet upwards before tossing him on the grass in the front yard. You grimaced as he fell on his back in a heavy heap. Luckily Henry chose to drop him in the grass, as opposed to the pavement. 

You could see Jake’s ego wounded immediately, and you would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. You crossed your arms, holding in a sigh as Henry bent down to talk to him.

“Don’t bother trying to apologize tomorrow when you sober up. Or else I’ll be forced to come back here and finish what I started.” He stood up, glaring at him for one last moment before he turned to you.

“Let’s go.” He whispered, walking behind you as he led you to the car. He kept you from even sparing at glance at Jake.  

You were silent as he got you in the car, looking down at your lap as he got in the driver's seat. He looked at you, you could feel his stare burning into you. Shame kept you from looking at him.

“Darling… Did Jake say something to you earlier?” He finally broke the silence. 

You opened your mouth, before closing it with a nod. Tears welled up as you recalled his hurtful words. From earlier in the night, and from now.

“What did he say to you?” He prodded.

You finally looked at him, and his jaw ticked when he saw your puffy eyes. Right then, he felt like going back and beating that idiot to a pulp for making his baby girl cry.  Your sniffles broke his heart.

“I-I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it.” You hiccuped, shaking your head. 

“Is that what got you so upset?” His voice was soft, almost broken with guilt. He should have never left you alone. 

You shrugged, Jake’s badgering surely didn’t help your already overstimulated mind. Henry bit his lip as he was forced to push away his anger to comfort you. He stroked your hair, rubbing your shoulder.

“Baby..” He trailed off, being interrupted by you.

“I just want to go home. And take that bubble bath you promised.” You begged, causing him to sigh and let it go for now. He gave you a smile.

“Of course, sweetheart. Let's go home.” He kissed your cheek before pulling away, turning the car on and driving.

Your eyelids were heavy, your head resting on your hand. You let them close for the rest of the car ride home. Your silence was making him want to squirm, but he did his best to not show his displeasure. It killed him to see you so upset.

When he parked he was sure you had fallen asleep, but you surprised him by lifting your head. He turned the car off, reaching to cup your cheek.

“Are you okay, my baby girl?” He searched your face for any more signs of tears. He saw only the dried streaks from earlier. 

You gave him a weak smile, and it did little to mend his broken heart. He matched your smile though, stroking your hair away from your face as you leaned into his hand.

“I’m okay. I promise.” Your voice was softer, smaller.

He leaned forward to kiss you, and you kissed back half heartedly. Henry pulled away, knowing you were still trying to put on a brave face for him.

His brave girl. You didn’t always have to be strong. That’s what he was here for. He wasn’t going to push you. You would talk to him eventually. You always did. 

“Let’s get inside, pumpkin.” He kissed your knuckles before getting out of the car. Of course he opened your door and helped you out.

You held his hand as he led you inside. He knelt in front of you once he closed the door, working on taking your heels off for you.

“You look so beautiful tonight… I still can’t believe you gave a man like me even a chance.” He murmured the last part to himself, rubbing your ankles when your shoes were gone.

You couldn’t quell the quiver of your lip. You’re the one who didn’t deserve him. Not in the slightest. Jake was right. What does a man like him see in a woman like you?

You masked with a smile, stroking his hair as he kissed your clothed hips. He watched you carefully, still on his knees in front of you.

“What do I have to do for you to see how perfect you are?” He whispered as he nuzzled your stomach, squeezing you close.

You hiccuped quietly. Your fingers weaved into his hair, feeling his silky curls between your digits. The sensation calmed you a little.

Soon, his warmth pulled away and when you opened your eyes again, he was standing. He cupped your cheek, his thumb rubbing your flesh.

“I promised you a bubble bath. Come on, sweetheart.” He bent down to kiss your nose. You smiled lightly. 

You both went into the master bathroom, where you sat on the closed toilet lid. He turned to mess with the knobs on the large tub. The water filled the basin, then he added bubbles. 

You took a deep breath, the soft smell of vanilla and brown sugar filled your nostrils. The scent caused you to relax, the sound of the water lulling you into a calm state.

Henry stood up, helping you stand and start to undress. His fingers unzipped your dress, letting it fall off your body and pool at your feet on the tile floor. You shivered when his digits trailed over your form. They hooked on your panties and pulled them down your legs.

He helped you into the tub, and you let out a sigh as you sunk into the warm, scented water. The bubbles covered your chest, and you let yourself rest for a second. He stroked your hair, an added comfort to the warm bath.

“How does that feel, darling?” He spoke softly, his hands disappearing. You heard liquid being poured into a glass.

The sneaky devil had snagged a bottle of your favorite wine before coming up here. He was pouring it into the stemmed glass. Somehow you hadn’t noticed he grabbed it. He glanced back at you with a smirk. How did he know exactly what you needed?

“It feels perfect.” You whispered, in awe of this man. He handed you the wine, and you took a smooth sip. You hummed.

Well, it was almost perfect. There was one thing missing.

“Come in with me?” You blinked up at him, your hand wrapped around his wrist when he went to sit beside the tub.

He melted, nodding his head instantly. Anything you wanted, he would not hesitate to give to you. And anything he couldn’t do, it killed him that he wasn’t able to fulfill your every need. Thankfully, this was a simple request. He began to undress as you set the glass aside.

You watched him unashamed. This beautiful man was yours. All yours. You felt your heart begin to swell. As it always did when you thought about the fact that you were his and he was yours.

How did something like that happen to someone like you? It was unbelievable.

You scooted forward as he lowered himself in. He dragged you back into his chest after he was seated, making you relax in his embrace. He began to wash you, his breath ghosting over your shoulder as he kissed it.

“It kills me seeing you so upset.” Henry finally spoke after a lull of comfortable silence.

You pouted, feeling guilty about worrying him. Before you could open your mouth to apologize, he cut you off.

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” He turned your head, looking at you seriously. “None of this is your fault.”

You closed your mouth, swallowing your apology as he stroked your cheek. He sighed to himself as he traced your lower lip with his thumb.

“It took every ounce of my self control not to beat him to a bloody pulp for disrespecting you.” His voice was flat.

The protective tone he held made your heart skip a beat, and a tingle to grow between your legs. A smile ghosted your lips, your hand coming up to cup his face.

“I know. I’m starting to think I should have let you.” You cracked a smile. A real one.

“I would have. All you have to do is ask.” He turned to kiss your palm. You laid your head on his shoulder, his arms around you making you feel safe. 

“I know you would.” 

Your words had the whisper of sadness. He was perfect. Too perfect for you. There must be a catch. Henry kissed the top of your head, squeezing you gently.

“Do you want to talk about what he said to you?” He murmured, dragging the washcloth down your arms.

You sighed, his touch easing you enough to talk about it. You tell him your encounter with Jake, from the very beginning. Tears burned in your eyes as you retold the story, but they didn’t fall as you repeated his hateful words.

“He said you were too good for me. And no one understands what you see in me.” You looked at him, blinking away your tears. You don’t tell him the harsher words Jake uttered to you. No reason for him to get angry again.

“And you believed him.” It wasn’t a question. He could tell by your expression that the drunk’s words resonated deep within you. 

You shrugged. He kissed the back of your neck, breathing in your scent. He sighed, his nose pressed against your skin.

“I wish I had the words to change your mind, my love. I don’t like the way you view yourself. While you think I’m too good for you, I believe in the opposite. It is you who is too good for me.

Every morning when I wake up next to you, I always ask myself one thing. ‘What did a fool like me do to deserve such an amazing, beautiful woman?’. I still don’t have an answer.”

He kissed the side of your face, his lips next to your ear. You shivered, hanging onto every word as his hands rubbed your sides.

“But I try not to dwell on it. Because every moment I spend with you is a gift. And I much rather enjoy it and then spend our time together stressing.”

You nuzzled him as he squeezed you. You sniffled, his words calming your woeful heart. You pressed your lips to his cheek, whispering against his skin. 

“Thank you, Henry. You always know how to fix things.”

“Anything for my precious girl. Anymore wine, sweetheart?” He offered you the almost empty glass. You shook your head, gesturing for him to finish it.

He winked at you and tossed it back. You watched as his tongue came out to lick the rest off his lips. Your mouth watered. His taste was intoxicating by itself, mixed with the sweet wine it had to be heavenly.

 You decided not to wonder any longer, pressing your lips to his. He hummed, deepening the kiss as he stroked your tongue with his. You gasped into his mouth when you felt his half hard cock twitch against your spine.

He grunted, smirking as he nipped at your lower lip. He squeezed your hips, pulling away. His nose brushed against yours.

“Let’s get out and dry off, shall we? Get into some warm pajamas and then you can pick a movie to watch.”

You grinned as you started to brainstorm about which movie you were going to pick. You were off in your own world as he helped you out of the tub. He quickly dried himself. Then gently patted your body dry with a fresh towel.

You hummed a soft tune, a sign to Henry that you were starting to feel like yourself again. The material of the soft towel was making you relax. Your skin still smelled of vanilla, as did his. 

He kissed the top of your head after he was done, both of you still nude until he wrapped the towel around you. You kept stealing glances at his naked form. He smirked to himself.

“Go wait for me on the bed. I’ll pick out something comfortable for you to wear.” He pecked your lips, patting your side to urge you towards the bedroom.

You bit your lip and nodded, leaving him in the bathroom. You made sure you weren’t dripping any water before sitting on the edge of the bed. You grabbed the remote, browsing for something to watch.

Henry entered, fully clothed now as he held a pair of clothes for you in one hand. In the other, a bottle of lotion.

“I’ll get you dressed, but first-lotion.” He knew your routine.

You smiled at him, watching him massage the lotion into your shoulders and arms. He lowered the towel to get your back as he sat behind you. Your eyes were closed, listening to his breathing as he lathered you up.

His large hands spread over your chest. He weighed your breasts in his palms as his thumbs lightly grazed your nipples. You moaned softly, leaning into him. His lips touched your ear, kissing his way down your neck and shoulder.

“Lay back sweet girl.” 

You did so, gazing up at him as he stood at the end of the bed. He gathered some more lotion, rubbing into your feet. You groaned in delight when he massaged your aching soles. The sensation made you melt.

You felt his lips on the sensitive skin on your foot, gently kissing your heel, and each of your toes. He gave the other foot the same attention. His fingers creeped up your legs till he was squeezing your thighs. 

Your legs spread instinctively, presenting your core to him. His eyes became half lidded as a pleased growl tumbled from his lips.

“So beautiful. Every inch of you, darling. There’s not a part of you I don’t love.” He tugged you up on the bed, lowering himself down on his stomach between your legs.

Your breath shook when you felt his mouth against the inside of your thighs. He peppered kisses along your skin as he lifted his hands. You gasped as his fingers bumped your clit. 

“Please, Daddy.” You needed more, squirming in front of him as he teased you.

“Shh, baby girl. Daddys got you. You don’t have to beg. I’m gonna taste this perfect cunt either way.” His breath hit your center as he leaned closer, covering your slit with his mouth as soon as he ended his sentence.

His tongue was hot as it weaved between your lips, seeking out the bundle of nerves hiding. His wet appendage swirled the bead once, twice, before he puckered his lips around it. Henry suckled gently, his large hands holding your thighs apart.

You arched your back and moaned, the stimulation making your gut tighten. You reached down to hold onto his hair, tugging lightly when he gave your clit another suck. You couldn’t help it

He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, moaning against your flower as you held onto his curls. He gazed up at you, admiring the look of pleasure on your face. His tongue explored further down, dipping into your leaking hole

You bucked against his mouth, panting as your heart started to thud quickly. Incoherent groans left your mouth as you wiggled on the bed. He held you in place, snarling as he increased the pace of his tongue and lips. You tensed.

He pulled the orgasm from you with skill, your body rolling. Moans of wanton pleasure escaped you, falling apart from his lips. Your skin didn’t stop tingling until he finally pulled away.   

You panted and opened your eyes when his mouth disappeared. His lips and chin were shiny, his smirk large as you got bashful at the sight of him.

“Mmm, you taste delicious. As always. Wish I could eat you all day.” He growled, one of his hands going back to your pussy. Your jaw dropped open as he traced your puffy slit.

You inhaled as he sunk a finger into you, your hole closed around it eagerly as you clenched down. He moaned under his breath, his gaze attached to the way your body swallowed his digit inside. 

“So tight, baby girl. It feels so nice to just relax and let Daddy make you feel good, doesn’t it? I love seeing you squirm. I want you to cum again. Can you do that for Daddy, beautiful?”  

You nodded quickly. He added a second finger, almost like he knew you needed it. You concentrated on the feeling of his fingertips rubbing against your convulsing walls. He found your special spot with no problem, growling when you let out a cry.

“There you go, good girl.” He grunted, shaking his fingers inside you. You squealed, and Henry moaned at the sound. “Cum for me, princess. Cum for daddy.”

He toyed with your g-spot, his lips finding your nub again. The sensations all blended together, and soon you lost yourself in another orgasm. You sobbed, gripping his head between your thighs and you arched off the bed.

He gulped down all that you gave, rutting his fingers into you to pull you through the tendrils of euphoria. Your body relaxed as your orgasm subsided. He finally pulled away with one last lingering lick of your cunt.

“Are you still with me, gorgeous?” He chuckled when you hummed and nodded lazily. “Did you decide on a movie to watch?”

You pouted silently as you glanced down at his groin. He was obviously aroused, yet wasn’t expecting you to return the favor. You wanted to take care of him. Your hand rested on his thigh. He chuckled, lifting your hand to kiss it. 

“That’s nothing for you to worry about right now, darling. You need to rest. Now, have you decided on a movie?” He questioned you again.

“Lilo and Stitch.” You murmured as he stood up, your gaze following him.

“Lilo and Stitch it is then.” He grinned leaning over you to peck your lips. You could taste a hint of your own essence on his tongue.

Henry dressed you in the warm pajamas he picked out of you beforehand. You sighed in content, smiling up at him as he switched on the movie. He smiled back at you, scooting onto the bed and pulling you close. You snuggled him, your face in his chest.

“I love you, Darling. Don’t ever forget that. No matter how bad your thoughts might get, I want you to remember how much I love you. You mean everything to me.” His voice vibrated in his chest, and you lifted your head to fixate on him.

“I love you, Henry. You’re my everything. I don’t think I could live without you.” You whispered, your eyes locked.

“Good thing you won’t have to. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.” He smiled, kissing you with a pleasant hum. You giggled.

“Now let’s watch ‘Lilo and Stitch’. Who’s the little blue guy again?”

******

A/N: Slowly chipping away at my inbox. Thank you for your patience as I slowly complete your requests. I apologize to anyone who has been waiting for months. Some things in my personal life have affected my mental health negatively, and I haven't been writing as much. Recently I've been easing my way back into writing, and I want to start being more active on here. I love you all, I feel like I don't tell you that enough. I’m sorry when I go MIA 😭❤️

Taglist: @sunshine-with-daisy @leigh70 @islacharlotte @lysarria @kebabgirl67 @pandaxnienke @identity2212 @rach2602

[garbinge]

Thanksgiving

Richie Jerimovich x Platonic!Reader mention of Carmy Berzatto x Platonic!Reader

30 Day Fic Challenge (15/30)

A/N: Patiently waiting for June 27th lololol

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Light angst, shit talking, cursing (lots), family problems, daddy issues. Mentions of someone losing their life from alcoholism, homelessness, hitting rock bottom.

The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @quixscentsposts @dadbodfanatic-x @adorable-punk-superheroes @lodeddiperrodrick @isalver @captainweasleybarnes @musicwithteeth @fancyvoidtragedy @shinebright2000 @knight4xmas @gills-lounge @navs-bhat @cosmicak @kmc1989 Other fics from this universe

The knock on your door wasn’t what you were expecting at 11:30 on Thanksgiving night. You weren’t exactly dressed for company in your pajamas, but the knocking was insistent so there wasn’t a way to ignore it or have time to change. 

“Jesus Christ, I’m coming!” You called out as you made your way to the entrance and opened the door. 

“You don’t look through the peephole before answering the door? I coulda been a murderer.” Richie was standing at the door of your apartment in one of his few nice sweaters with a tote bag in his hand. 

“You here to murder me, Rich?” You stepped back and welcomed him in with a sway of your arm. 

“I’m here to feed you, you weren’t at Thanksgiving.” He didn’t waste any time from when you invited him in and was already in the kitchen placing the bag down. “Why weren’t you at Thanksgiving?” 

You took a deep breath and let out a harsh exhale, this wasn’t something you were expecting to talk about at this moment. 

“Um, I’ve had my fair share of unstable parents lately.” You brought your hand up to your head as the past few conversations with your father flashed through your mind quickly. 

Richie stopped pulling things out of the tote bag and looked up at you. “Your dad call you again? What was he lookin’ for before? Baseball cards right? You should hook ‘em up with the Faks, they got that baseball card scheme runnin’, the stupid fucks.” He let out a laugh and continued to pull stuff out of the bag. 

Any other day, you’d join him in the banter. Any other day you’d enjoy it, but today wasn’t any other day. 

“Richie.” You said his name so solemnly and he looked up at you immediately. It broke you seeing his face drop from a smile to a straight mouthed expression but you didn’t have much left in you to take it back. The next best thing you could do was explain. “Uh, Thanksgiving is just–” you paused for a minute as your brain searched for the right word. “It’s a day for me, alright.” You felt yourself get tense, the emotions that you didn’t want to think about, feel, or simply acknowledge were rising to the surface and it was making you angry. Your eyes closed out of instinct, an exercise to push the rage back down, and after taking a deep breath you re-opened them and stared at Richie. 

Richie’s face didn’t change, it was still as heartbreaking as before even though it would have been described as neutral. 

“How was Donna tonight?” You changed the topic quick and moved over to look at what Richie had in the tupperware containers. 

“How do you think?” It was said like the conversation prior didn’t even happen. 

“Yea, I figured.” You let out a snort. “She make the cannolis?” Your eyes were scanning around the containers looking for them. 

“They’re somewhere in here, let me start putting this shit away and I’ll find ‘em.” He was turning around to face your fridge now. As the door to the cooler swung open, he froze. It went unnoticed by you as you continued to bury your emotions down so you didn’t start a misguided fight. 

“What the fuck is this?” Richie was pointing inside the fridge and then at the container on the stovetop. Despite the cursing, he didn’t seem mad or pointed, just confused. 

As your eyebrows raised and you turned around to see what he was talking about, you answered quickly. 

“Oh, Carmy dropped off food for me last night.” 

“Carmy knew you weren’t coming to Thanksgiving?” Now that statement held a little hurt in it, but you acted like you couldn’t tell. 

“Carmy knows I never come to Thanksgiving.” You added a shrug to the statement to help make it seem nonchalant. 

“I didn’t know you never come to Thanksgiving.” It was mumbled, like he was embarrassed. 

“Why would you?” Another shrug left your shoulders and you moved to help him move a couple things in the fridge. 

“Because I notice when you’re around.” It was such a soft statement that any other time it would have melted you to your core. But you could tell for him it was also like he was defending himself behind this sweet statement. 

The bantering part of you wanted to retort that statement with a ‘clearly not.’ since you hadn’t been at a Berzatto Thanksgiving in over a decade, but with how Richie was talking and where you were at mentally tonight, you knew it wasn’t going to be good for either of you. 

“It’s the first year that we’re–,” you stopped yourself at that statement because you didn’t know what you were and this was not the night you wanted to take the time to define it. “It’s the first year you’d actually notice, it’s not a big deal.” 

“I guess I just missed you, and feel like something important is happening and everyone knows but me.” 

Shocked would have been an understatement. Did Richie Jerimovich just express how he was feeling? 

“You been reading that book?” You frowned, a smile forming slightly on your face as you stared up him. 

“Fuck you, yea I been reading that book.” The self-consciousness flooding his senses at your look. 

“Everyone doesn’t know. Just Carmy.” If you knew the weight the last two words would leave on him, you probably wouldn’t have said them but it was too late, the words were already hanging in the air. 

“And the reason Carmy knows is because he’s known since 10 years or whatever ago.” You hoped that would offer up enough explanation to hold him over a bit. 

“So what did Carmy bring you?” Richie was moving past you to look into the fridge again. 

“Not cannolis.” Moving in the opposite direction you started searching in the bag. 

“I brought too much shit, your fridge is stocked, shit’s gonna go bad.” 

“What did Pete bring this time?” The clicking of the to-go container muffled your question but it was worth it as you pulled out one of 5 cannolis. 

“A fuckin’ pie.” Annoyance was dripping off his tone. He leaned against the counter with his arms crossed. 

Your head snapped at him, your mouth full of pistachio cannoli, surprise written all over your face. 

“That sounds good.” 

“It was fuckin’ rhubarb.” Richie spit out, his arms still crossed and eyebrows frowning as he remembered the pie. 

“God, who the fuck likes rhubarb.” Your face twisted in disgust, the shock fully faded now as the realization that Pete didn’t succeed yet again in his gracious hosting gifts this holiday. 

“That’s what I fuckin’ said. It’s a god damn vegetable.” 

You let out a laugh at that as you took another bite of the cannoli. 

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for him.” Now you were just making conversation. 

“Never was for you.” Richie shrugged as he recalled what rotation of items you’d bring to different Berzatto gatherings. “Hot chocolate, olive oil, those toffee chocolate things, one year you brought those stuffed olives.” 

The shock came back and became very apparent on your face again as you turned to look at him for an answer.

“I told you I notice.” His hands lifted in innocence. “Plus your hot chocolate is the fuckin’ best, hard to forget.” 

“There’s some in the pot.” You pointed to the stove but then went to grab two mugs. 

The two of you melted into a comfortable silence, the tapping of your wooden spoon as it stirred in the pot of hot chocolate, the metal spoons clinking in the mugs as the liquid poured into them. The TV was at a lulled volume in the background, the slight sounds of Steve Harvey’s voice as family feud reruns ran. 

As the two of you were on the last legs of your hot chocolate, Richie spoke up. 

“You watchin’ The Game Show Network?” There was humor behind the question mixed with true curiosity as he heard the old school game show mumbling in the background.

“It’s relaxing.” There was no defense in your voice as you said it, mug close to your face. “And it makes me laugh.” 

“Relaxing and laughing on Thanksgiving. Not sure I’ve seen that combination in a while.” He was opening your dishwasher to drop the empty mug into it. 

You raised your eyebrows at that knowing exactly what he meant and knowing it was 100% true. 

“Hey, you wanna go with me somewhere?” Your eyes were looking at the time and seeing it was just a little past 12. 

“Where? Everywhere’s closed?” 

You had already moved to the other side of oyur kitchen island and were grabbing your coat off the back of the bar chair. 

“Can you pack up like 6 containers from Carmy and like 3 of the containers you brought?” It took Richie a minute to understand what you said since you had been bent down slipping into your shoes. 

Although confused, Richie did what you said, making sure the cannolis weren’t any of the containers he packed in the tote he had brought over. As you re-entered the kitchen, you peaked in the bag and nodded. Quickly you pulled out a ziploc and took one of the cannolis out and dropped it into the plastic before carefully placing it in the tote. 

As the two of you hit the Chicago streets, there were a couple flurries of snow falling, nothing substantial that would stick, but it set a tone. Your one arm was holding onto the the tote back as your hand hid from the cold in your jacket pocket but your other hand moved to wrap around Richie’s arm. 

The gesture made him get out of his head and turn to look down at you. 

“You wanna tell me where we’re going?” He brought his arm in tighter against yours. 

“You’ll see.” 

It was all you were willing to give up as you began walking towards Millenium Park. 

“Millenium Park after 12AM, sounds like a great time.” Richie was taking his free hand and reaching to grab his pack of cigarettes. 

“It actually is.” You spoke with such conviction that it actually shocked Richie. You were so upset earlier and now you were speaking with a hint of hope in your voice. 

The music you started to hear as you approached the infamous Chicago Bean filled your face with a smile. You lived in Chicago most of your life so hitting tourist spots like this wasn’t exactly a common occurrence but this was a tradition you kept for yourself and now were bringing Richie into it. 

There was a street performer about 20 feet from them, the violin was loud and the acoustics were incredible as it echoed off the landmarks around them. The smile on the man’s face as he played was enough to tell a million stories. He was having fun, despite the cold, the snow, the fact it was a holiday and he was here performing, he was genuinely enjoying this. 

“That’s Morgan.” You whispered to Richie like it was a high class secret. “He’s incredible.” You brought your other hand up to rest on his arm that was still holding your other one. 

“He brings a crowd.” He was looking around at all the people that were standing around him. 

“There’s more people every year.” You said it like a proud parent. 

“Every year?” Richie asked, not taking his eyes off the performance. 

There were a few minutes of silence as you debated how you were going to answer his question. 

“I come here every year. One thanksgiving, I was out here looking for something and ended up coming across Morgan. I come here every year now. The crowd used to be like 5 people and look now.” 

“That what the food is for?” Richie was smiling now understanding what the girl was up to. 

Just as he spoke the words, the violin sound was cut and the crowd began clapping loudly. “I’m going to take a short break, be back in 5 minutes.” He waved and placed his violin down to take a sip of the water jug he had next to his stuff. 

You approached the man and before you could even say anything, he was bellowing a deep hello to you. Following his hug he looked down at the food and shook his head. “You’re always over feeding me, kid.” 

“Who doesn’t like leftovers?” You crossed your arms and stepped back slightly bumping into Richie. “Oh, Morgan this is Richie.” You grabbed Richie’s arm and stepped behind him slightly to introduce him. 

“Nice to meet you, Richie.” Morgan spoke curiously.

‘Back at you man, you got a real talent, truly incredible.” He turned on that typical Richie charm.

“You humble me, dude. I’m just a Chicago kid tryna enjoy the holiday.” He waved him off. 

“Did you get to see Sandra this year?” You spoke with hope in your tone. 

“She had me over earlier today.” Morgan was grinning. 

“Morgan, that's incredible! From just coffee last year, to thanksgiving this year!” You leaned forward and tapped his arm. “Guess you don’t need my food.” You teased him and went to jokingly grab the bag back but not before he leaned down and blocked you from it. 

“Hey now, this is top of the line fine dining food you give me.” 

“And I packed a homemade cannoli in there for you.” Richie was smirking at the whole interaction. 

“See the man packed little ol me a homemade cannoli, don’t strip a man of a thanksgiving cannoli, now.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” With a step back you wrapped your arm around Richie’s. 

Morgan looked down at it and back at the both of you with a wider smile now. “Hope y’all had a lovely Thanksgiving.” 

“Think it just got a lot better.” Richie nodded at him and then looked down at you. 

“We’ll let you finish your break, but I’m so happy about Sandra, seriously Morgan, that’s great news.” You went to give him one last hug. 

“Happy to see you out here with someone this year, seems like you finally found what you were looking for.” He was talking at a volume only you could hear as he hugged you. 

“Funny enough, Morgan. I wasn’t looking for it at all. Just happened.” You whispered back.

“The best things do.” He was clearly talking about your friendship, how it came to be out of a time where you weren’t expecting or looking for it all. “Happy Thanksgiving, kid.” 

As you moved back into the crowd with Richie, he took the opportunity to link your arms back together as he asked you a question. 

“Whose Sandra?”

“The woman who has his wife’s heart.” 

The sentence was so heavy, the more thought you put into it, every scenario that it could have been felt more heartbreaking than the last. 

His head snapped to you and you nodded. “His wife died from liver disease and she was an organ donor, so her heart went to Sandra. He’d been trying to find her for a while, finally did, at first they wrote letters, last year she met him for coffee, and this year she had him over.” 

“That’s incredible.” Richie was in shock. “Why Thanksgiving? Or just because?” He was genuinely invested in the story now. 

“Thanksgiving is the night his wife lost her life, but the night Sandra kept hers.” You explained the situation to Richie. 

“Holy shit.” He brought his hand up to his face and wiped it down as the weight of it all sunk in. 

“What’s he doing out here?” Richie frowned trying to piece that part of it together. 

“He kind of lost everything when he lost his wife, his place, his job, his will to live I’d even go far enough to say.” You thought back on the earlier years of meeting Morgan, he was your father’s age, and clearly had experienced loss in his life. That was what bonded you, because while you were going through the biggest loss of your short teenage life at that time, you came across someone who knew what losing someone to alcohol felt like. 

“That’s rough.” Richie nodded and before the conversation could really continue, the sound of the music filled the space again and the crowd moved in tighter. Richie and you stayed near the back and despite everything being fine between you two, you felt the tension from earlier coming back. 

It was hard for you to talk about it, but Morgan’s words about finding what you were looking for were in your head and it made you realize, maybe you could open up a bit about it all. 

One thanksgiving, I was out here looking for something and ended up coming across Morgan. I come here every year now. 

That one thanksgiving, you were out here looking for your Dad, your drunken dad, you later found him at the bus stop across from The Beef. He didn’t see you, but you saw him, fully packed, despite his inebriated state, he had thought through leaving enough that he packed bags. 

With a sigh, your arm squeezed tighter around Richie’s and you said 5 words that you hoped would be enough to explain to Richie why today was so hard for you without having to dive into so much detail. 

“My dad left on Thanksgiving.” 

[crookedt44th]

JR.2 HOME AGAIN | LMH

PAIRINGS ➳ lee minho x gender-neutral reader (cora)

GENRE ➳ friends to lovers ◦ slow burn ◦ heavy angst ◦ horror ◦ psychological thriller ◦ fantasy ◦ slight humor ◦ ghosts ◦ will add more later!

WARNINGS ➳ mental issues (derealization) ◦ memory loss ◦ inappropriate language ◦ suggestive themes, but no smut ◦ death ◦ gore(?) ◦ smoking ◦ lots of drug and alcohol use ◦ cruel society ◦ adult life crisis ◦ bad life decisions ◦ religious themes ◦ class struggles ◦ hallucinations ◦ will add more later!

WC ➳ 2,000+

STATUS ➳ Ongoing.

ABOUT ➳ After dropping out of college, Cora returns home to their small town of Stormvillie with the hopes of reconnecting with their friends they left behind and resuming their carefree previous life. However, things have changed since then. Their friends have grown up and changed, and home seems different now. The wind is getting colder and the leaves are falling. As the night gets darker, strange things are happening.

And there's something in the woods.

NIGHT IN THE WOODS SERIES

CHARACTERS AND THEIR STORIES

PREVIOUS JOURNAL

Change - Alex G started playing ...

How are you today?

I saw your friend’s band play

A little show last night

It’s not my thing, they were alright

"So you're saying that this August, you're moving off to college? Leaving this town behind? For college?" Minho made sure he understood what I said by saying it again. "Cora, please answer. Are you actually leaving us?" His tone hardens as he continues to look at me as if I had done something really wrong.

"Yeah, I am leaving in August for college in a city that isn't that far from here." I tried not to look annoyed with him. While it makes sense that he was upset, I wasn't about to cut off our communication.

"Why? I mean, good for you, but why there? You promised me that you'd be with me forever, but now you're leaving-"

"All right, Minho, you're getting too ahead of yourself. I'm leaving for college, not leaving you. Don't you think you're exaggerating?" I fiddled with my fingers and muttered, looking down, not even realizing that what I had said was harsh.

"Exaggerating?" He scoffed and became slightly irate, but before continuing, he took a long breath. "Cora, I don't think you're getting what I'm saying. You're right—I'm getting too worked up about this—but I'm actually worried about losing you."

I firmly closed my eyes, trying not to say anything that I would later regret. I remained silent for a minute to gather my thoughts before turning to Minho and spoke

"Listen, Minho. I promise to never leave you, and just because I'm moving away to attend college does not mean we'll stop talking. I just wanted to chase my dreams."

"To be honest, it's not really that."

I scowled at what he said and cocked my head to face him, who was turning away from me.

"Then what is it, Minho? Can't you just tell me?"

"I have to leave. I'm sorry." He hastily got up and fled the cafe before I could say anything further. I sat alone at the cafe, refraining from running to him. Could I chase after him? Or give him his space? Am I being too harsh?

It was all I thought about when I walked home. What does he mean? What is it that he couldn’t tell me? Even when I ranted to Jisung about it, he looked like he knew something. Shit, even Chan does. I feel a little left out, so confused, worried if I didn’t pay enough attention to Minho.

I wasn’t that dumb to not notice he has been trying to cut ties with me after our conversation. Even his parents and sister didn’t know what was going on with him when I visited his place, and told me that he has been wandering off somewhere a lot now other than his home. I took it as a hint that I should stop bothering him.

August came by so fast, I was ready to leave this town and still have not heard from him. He wasn’t there to bid me a goodbye before I hopped on the train.

Am I really leaving everything behind?

You were in my dream last week

I’d like to hear what you think

We passed by her house driving fast

The sun was shining on the grass

September 22, 8:46 p.m.

"How are you today?" He eventually broke the long silence. When I glanced back at him, he was still roasting the marshmallow, which was starting to become brown. His reddish-brown hair continued to fall over his face, nearly covering his eyes.

"Today, I felt a little happier." As I saw him place the marshmallow on top of the chocolate with the cracker beneath it, I finally responded.

"I'm glad," he grinned. "I can say I feel the same way."

I can't deny that I was a little awkward and perplexed sitting next to a guy who had been avoiding me for a while, even if I was smiling too. But I can’t just act like I wasn’t doing the same thing he did to me to Chan and Jisung.

“How was college?”

"Oh, it was okay. Not bad at all." I fiddled in my seat, not feeling the college talk. I did ask him something else even though I wasn't sure if it was proper to suddenly change the subject. "What about you, though? You work too, like everyone else these days."

Minho hummed, took another marshmallow to roast, and passed me the S'mores he had just created. "Yes, I work. I mean, everyone has to work for a living, right?" He laughed. "I work at my mom's coffee shop now; you should stop by sometimes."

"Oh, that's cool. I guess I should." I stuttered briefly, hoping he didn't notice, and then took a bite of my s'mores. The s'mores didn't taste very nice, though, because I could still taste the bitterness from my previous drink. Once more, I turned to face my right and watched him finishing his own and brushing the crumbs off his jeans. He clasped his hands and was about to speak until my name was called out.

"Cora!" When I turned to see where it was coming from, I saw Jisung sprinting up the hill to find me. I abruptly got up and raised my hand to grab his attention.

“Over here!”

"Hey, what's up?" When Jisung spotted me, his smile gradually disappeared when he noticed Minho sitting next to me. "Minho?" The uneasy feeling was beginning to return. I continued to glance at them, clearing my throat to break the ice.

Minho looked at me again after checking his watch and getting up from his seat. "Looks like I gotta go now," he said. "See you around?"

"Oh, uh, yeah." I scratched my head and nodded.

I moaned aloud as Jisung and I watched him go, disappearing into a crowd of people.

"Dude, you guys finally talked?"

"Well, until you fucking came, I guess, a little bit."

"My bad, dude." Jisung gestured with his hands. "You missed the fucking crazy fight, that's all I wanted to tell you."

"No way. Who?" I let out a gasp. Nothing like the good old days when Jisung and I would rush to witness a fight in high school, rooting for whoever was in the fight.

"I dunno, sh*t. Some two blondes." He hiccuped and squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh my god, it's getting to me."

"Dude, should we go home or—"

"Nooo! Let's drink more, kiddo!! We need to celebrate more now that you're home again!" He replied, cupping my face before grabbing my wrist and pulling me back into the crowd. After failing to find anything when reaching for the ice cooler once more, Jisung spotted another one that was sitting next to the lake. He handed you a beer and instantly began chugging his own. Totally forgot he’s a heavy drinker.

I straight away felt like puking after downing mine, but I chose to ignore the urge to do so. I recognized another song that had begun to play. "Dude, this song fucks!" I shouted for Jisung to hear me. Agreeing with you, he laughed heartily and made his way through the mob while dancing. I attempted to log on, but my headache was getting closer.

When I searched for Jisung, I realized that everything was becoming hazy and that I had already lost him. Some kids accidentally bumped into me as I was trying to take another sip of my beer, which caused the beer to spill on my shirt. I let out a long sigh and rubbed my eyes like a child, and suddenly I laughed at the memory of my dad's drinking days. I opened my eyes to see Minho talking to the most beautiful girl while he was leaning against the tree. I stopped laughing. Oh, he has a girlfriend.

I stood there and thought. Yeah, no. That's chill, dude. Yeah, absolutely fine. Like this is okay. No like–

The girl began laughing at something, perhaps one of his jokes, and she gave him a friendly shoulder jab as he laughed too.

Maybe I should have stayed.

I averted my gaze as I felt incredibly exposed. I raced to the lake and puked as soon as I felt like I was truly about to pass out, leaving my stomach throbbing and my mouth full of the worst taste. This is really horrible.

"Cora—holy shit" Dude, not that voice again. I laughed at Minho's worried expression as he helped me stand up from the ground, but I pushed him away. I kept slapping his shoulder while giggling at nothing in particular, and he continued to support my arm to keep me balanced.

"Cora, I think you should go home."

"You think you are so cool and," I hiccupped, "chaaarming. Every girl always thinks, woohooo cute boys! I'd love a cute boy in my life!"

Minho sighed and scowled as he made an attempt to get you out of there. "All right, let's just leave and talk," he said.

"You're a cute boy, too." I grasp his warm hands and ram my head into his shoulder. Minho froze at what you said, unable to comprehend the situation. My friends Jisung, Vanna, and Chan approached, shocked by what happened. "But I fucking hate cute boys!!"

"And it's not my fault that I'm a mess—I was and still am! I'm sorry, but I just wanted to pursue my own dreams, maybe become the best artist, musician, or both. And you never supported me!" I hit the elder boy's shoulder angrily, yelling at him over and over like a whiny kid.

Minho stopped your punches, "Listen, I'm sorry, I was going to apologize to you-"

"You were right; I should not have left you. You guys. I promised we'd stick together, but I fucking ruined it because I'm selfish and do my own thing instead."

“No, Cora, that’s not true.” Minho offered an explanation, but you interrupted him once more.

"I lied. Everything went so terribly wrong in college that I chose to fucking drop out because it was so awfuuuul. I locked myself in the dorm and failed all of my classes. Pizza, pizza, pizza, and pizza was all I ate. All these rich college students whose parents have paid for their tuition, and all they do is write trash and have sex with strangers every day. I'm not successful, but they are! Not to mention that stupid statue, that is meant to honor the founder but all I see are shapes, staring at me every day. So many different shapes. Nothing will ever work out for me; I'm a complete waste!" I shouted every word I could while covering Minho's neck with my fucked-out, red face.

“We never had a chance here, but I can’t go anywhere else.”

“...”

“I’m home again.”

“...”

I couldn't lift my head to look at him and see what his reaction was to what I had said since my head was pounding so much. To see whether he feels bad at all. Minho's silence, however, suggests otherwise.

"Woo!" Jisung shouted, encouraging my beautiful drunken speech from behind.

"Jisung, please stop." Chan gives him a look and then turns to face me, grabbing my arm. "Come on, you've probably had enough alcohol for tonight."

"Dude, I feel so sick." Then, before I could even attempt to reach the lake, I felt myself about to pass out once more and puked onto Minho's shirt. Again.

"Not again, Jesus fuck." Minho let out a groan.

"Just let's get you home, little one. Sorry, Minho; we will get you a new shirt this time." When Chan pulled me away from the boy and helped me in walking to Vanna's car, Minho was left standing and much more perplexed. Everyone was talking and spreading rumors. Great, another talk of the town. Again. Like the good old times.

You made me stop and leave the car

You pulled my sleeve, but not too hard

Remember when you took too much?

I didn’t mind being your crutch

"I will fucking kill you if you puke in this car.” Driving, Vanna issued a warning. I feel so numb, so broken, and so exposed. Being in the same car as someone who used to be my friend. A friendship that I completely screwed up.

"Sorry, I dunno what's going on with me." I muttered.

"You got your ass drunk after, what? Three cans of nasty beer?"

"Remember when we used to be best friends?" I mumbled once more, finding it more difficult to talk. Especially when I was so fatigued. "And I called you Nanaaa, and you used to call me Cocooo."

“When we were 8 years old?” Vanna gave me a quick glance before focusing on the road. “No, I don’t.”

"Do you remember when we used to go to that park every day and play on the swings there? We found this adorable little kitten under the playground, and we both kept her."

"Yeah, Moon, she died." Vanna replied with apathy.

I made a small sound as I was experiencing terrible pain throughout my entire body, including my head and stomach. "Why are you so mean to me?" I was trying really hard not to throw up when I felt like I was about to again.

"Oh my god, Vanna, I'm going to throw up. Tell your mama I'm sorry for puking in her caaar." I exhaled and put my head on the window.

"Oh my god."

"Whaa?"

"My Mom passed away."

I remained silent as I took in what she had just said. Shit.

"Oh."

"Oh? How the hell do you not remember that, Cora? She died from cancer. Senior year."

I didn't say anything, tears gathering in my eyes.

"Oh, college didn't work out for you? Well, I'm fucking sorry that it wasn't exactly what you wanted. That's too bad; I would have killed for that. I'd do anything, even if it meant kicking you out of this car to go to college."

I turned to peek out the window and sniffed.

"You left me for that insufferable piece of shit who acts like the world revolves around him. When my mother passed away, Cora, I had absolutely no friends and nobody to turn to. And you know that. But no, instead, you cared more about your other friends than me.”

I sobbed.

"Whatever, we're here."

I sobbed even more.

"Oh god, let me get you in." Vanna dragged me inside the home after getting out of her car and putting my arm around her shoulder. She eventually made it to my bed and carefully placed my body down, making sure I was comfortably tucked in. She places the trash can close by in case I throw up again.

"I'm sorry, I'm really a mess." Before I fell asleep, I mumbled my last few words.

With a sigh, Vanna placed her hands on her hips. "Dude, don't worry, it wasn't your fault."

She looked around my room and couldn't remember when she had been here before, but even though a lot had changed since then, it still felt quite familiar. There were a few cameras and a large number of pictures scattered on the floor. Big, small, vintage, digital. Her gaze fell on a picture, and she stooped to retrieve it. It was an old Polaroid of Vanna and me just before we started middle school, when we were around 13. Vanna had a heart drawn on her face with the words "BFF" written underneath.

"Life goes on, y'know." Gazing at the old Polaroid, where things were so simple, makes Vanna sad. "Sometimes, things aren't always supposed to go where you want them to.”

I loved you then

It’s not the same

I don’t like how things change

NEXT JOURNAL

AUTHOR'S NOTE ➳ sorry if it's a little too short! next journal will be a little longer i promise :) cora is very dense thats just how they r LOL and itll also become a little scary soon i promise

TAGLIST ➳ @estella-novella @melanctton

Send an ASK or COMMENT to be added in the taglist!

[helpimstuckposting]

I’m warning y’all now, I think this is my favorite part so far because I have issues

I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

Part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven

—

“We should call your mom,” Nancy nodded.

“My what?” Steve yelled, startled out of his thoughts. The absolute last thing he wanted was for his parents to come home. Why would Nancy even suggest that? He hadn’t seen his parents in years, and he’d very much like to keep it that way.

The crew all trained their eyes on him once more, confusion clouding their faces.

“Your… your mom?” Nancy questioned, uncertainty seeping in over her once-sure suggestion.

“Nance, I haven’t seen my parents since graduation, why would I call them?”

“Graduation?”

“Haven't seen them?”

“Your dads alive?” Dustin interjected over Nancy and Robin. His heart dropped into his stomach.

Steve… Steve couldn’t even begin to process which piece of information was most shocking. His dad was dead? His mom was… here? Present in his life, in the party’s lives? Enough for Nancy to want to call her at least. His dad was dead?

“I..,” he started, but didn’t actually know what to say. He should be happy his mom was here, right? Or… or sad his dad's gone? But what did it even matter, his dad could be dead in his world, too, for all he knew. But, the knowing was what caught him off-guard.

Instead of finishing his sentence or responding to the party, he pushed himself to his feet and followed the path back outside.

“Nice going, dipshit,” he faintly heard Max say before a smack and an ouch sounded from behind him. He kept going.

The pool wasn’t empty, like he’d left it in his world. He didn’t even notice the first time while trudging past it in the blinding sunlight. Now, he could see the rays of light reflect off the water like sparkles, glittering as if this was any other day, like everything was as it should be. He sat down at the edge, knees drawn up to his chest and watched as a few leaves floated by.

The sun pricked at the skin on his face, and he closed his eyes against the bright daylight. The orange glow behind his eyelids helped to calm his racing thoughts, though there was nowhere else for his mind to really go. So much had happened in just one morning, more than had ever happened when dealing with The Upside Down from his perspective. At least during their most hectic days they were all on the same page, all huddled together to fix something obviously wrong. Now, however overwhelming his excitement at having his family back was, was this really right? Now he was the outsider, he was the thing out of place. But, did he even want to go back to his world? There was nothing there for him.

Nancy, his worlds Nancy, and Jonathan had gone off to separate colleges. The surviving kids were all off at different schools for their senior years, Steve didn’t even know where they planned to go after graduation.

He had tried to go to college. He’d followed his father’s expectations again, tried to sink into a mindless pattern of following tasks, hoping to keep his mind off of everything.

He’d lasted one semester before dropping out. It was all just so exhausting, the world had almost ended and no one even knew. What did calculus matter at that point? He’d spent so long following his father's orders, so long reciting a script he’d been taught since birth. He thought it would be easy to slip back into that routine, follow the script like it’d been waiting for him to return.

It had been fine for a while, he pushed the thoughts to the back of his head, focused on completing assignments and tasks and doing anything to keep his mind on autopilot. But the dreams he couldn’t stop. Every time he’d closed his eyes, he was back there, watching his friends die. His nights were covered in blood and vines, screaming and squealing of bats from above a dried out lake. He wasn’t able to follow the script anymore, enough swigs of alcohol were the only things that kept the nightmares at bay.

He’d had panic attacks when the phone would ring, thinking it may have been his parents to tell him what a failure he was, or worse that they were coming home and he had to pretend everything was normal, put on the act of the perfect son. They never called, though. The panic attacks stopped after a while, the ringing phone drowning out into the background. The calls weren’t usually important. He was alone, trapped in his pristine tower.

But now his father, the Richard Harrington of this world was dead. His mother didn’t have anyone to follow on business trips, no one to keep an eye on to maintain a marriage neither wanted. She was here. Here for the party, here for this world’s Steve.

What would she say when she saw him? Would she be surprised? Happy like the people in the living room? Or would she be suspicious of this new person wearing her sons face? Suspicious like Eddie, who still hadn’t shown his face since the kitchen. Steve figured he was upstairs somewhere, hiding out until Steve was gone.

Or... or even worse, was she exactly like he'd known her to be? Would she hang up the phone, think it was a prank call or that it just didn't concern her? Would he get his hopes up and then have his world crash down once more at the realization that she still didn't care about him?

Every possibility just sucked. The weight on his chest that had lifted since the kitchen was back, pressing incessantly on his lungs, clogging his throat. No matter the outcome, no matter who this world's Linda Harrington was, Steve couldn't see any of this going well. He hoped the crew in the living room hadn't called her yet, wondered if maybe he could convince them not to at all.

He glanced up to the second floor of the house, hoping to catch a glimpse of curly brown hair or a flash of a ripped black t-shirt but the windows remained empty. The blinds to his bedroom window were shut tight and for a moment Steve pictured Eddie sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting anxiously until Steve was gone. He could picture the man’s leg bouncing nervously as he chewed on his nails, boots tap tap tapping gently against the hardwood floors. He could see the band tee and torn jeans a stark contrast against his horrible tan plaid walls. A soft smile tugged at his lips before Steve remembered why Eddie would be nervous in the first place. He wasn’t their Steve. This wasn’t his house. That wasn’t his Eddie.

Just when Steve started to wish he wasn’t alone, Robin made her way out of the back door and Steve felt his eyes prick again. She sat quietly next to him, drawing her own legs up in a mirror to his.

“We didn’t call your mom,” she whispered, before he even opened his mouth. Steve imagined that even in infinite worlds, every Robin could read every Steves' mind. He choked back a sob and buried his face in his knees. Her head rested against his shoulder and they stayed quiet for a few more minutes, just being present in a universe where they were both whole again.

Once Steve had had enough of the silence, felt it cloying around the edges, slinking over his skin like oil, he opened his mouth to speak. He wasn’t sure where he was going with his words or what would come out, he just started to talk.

“When you were little, did you ever go the department store with your mom and just… wonder how long you could hide before she noticed you were missing?” He started.

Robin didn’t nod or speak, just let him continue.

“I did,” he said. “I would hide in the racks of clothes and just… sit there. I’d usually get scared and come out and she wouldn’t say anything or do anything, and I was never sure if she even knew I'd been hiding.

“But, one time I just… stayed. Just to see. I didn’t care if she got mad, I wanted her to get mad or, or scared, or just… anything.”

He didn’t know why he was telling her this. He didn’t want pity or for her to feel bad for him, but once he started talking he just couldn’t stop, like a compulsion. It felt like he was throwing up these words all over the pavement, choking them out of his throat. At least he was telling her this piece of his past, and not something else he'd rather keep hidden for now.

“She left me there,” he whispered. “I don’t know if she did it as a punishment or forgot she even took me, but she was just… gone.”

He felt Robin choking up beside him, like his words were clogging her throat as well.

“She sent the nanny to pick me up.”

“You had a nanny?” Robin cut in, lifting her head off his shoulder. Steve just gave her a blank stare. “Sorry, right, not the point. Continue.” He took in her red rimmed eyes, took comfort in the fact that she was crying for him, though he felt awful for it.

“I was six. I never hid after that. I was too scared that it would happen again. She didn’t cry or yell when she found out I was missing, just sent the nanny and then gave me this… look, when I got back home. Like I was gum on her shoe, like I was an inconvenience.

“Eventually she stopped taking me and just left me at home. And then both of them just… left. Came back every few months just to leave again and after graduation they just stopped coming back at all. Even after the earthquake, they didn’t come back.”

He paused, wrapping an arm around Robin’s shoulders. He just needed to hold something, it was more for his comfort than hers. His emotional support Robin.

“I just,” he trailed off, not really sure where he was meant to be going with this. He just wanted her to know. Wanted someone to know, about him, about this stranger thrust into their lives. He wondered how the other Steve had lived, what his childhood was like. When did he meet Robin? Or Eddie? Did he have friends that Steve never even met in his world? Or was it all the same people?

“I just wouldn’t know what to do if I saw her again, is all,” he muttered in closing. Robin still didn’t say anything, just let them sit and hold each other. He missed this. He missed Robin. He missed having another half of himself, someone who didn’t feel like another person. Whenever they touched it felt like his own skin, like an extension of himself folding together and existing as it should and he hadn’t felt whole in so long.

“We’ve gotta tell her at some point, Stevie,” she said. “She lives here too, and she won’t be gone all day. I’m sure it would freak you both out if she just showed up and saw you.”

Steve nodded. He squeezed her shoulder a little tighter.

“Okay. But can we wait a little bit? Just an hour?”

Robin tucked her head into Steves neck and nodded. “Just an hour.”

—

Oh boy oh boy I really loved writing this one! Hope it’s as satisfying to read ✨

@weirdandabsurd42 @sirsnacksalot @space-invading-pigeon @aliea82 @goodolefashionedloverboi @emly03 @bestwifehaver @mentallyundone @13catastrophic-blues

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

NGL I’m disappointed that the scene between Husk and Angel in Episode 6 was just Husk yelling and indirectly shaming Angel Dust for relapsing. Out of all the characters who can relate and empathize with Angel on addiction, it’s him. They could have had a genuine heart to heart conversation about relapsing and addiction where Husk allow himself to be vulnerable with Angel, recounting all the memories where his addiction ruined his life. At the Husk tell Angel while relapsing is normal, it isn’t healthy, he needs to start finding alternatives so he doesn’t resort to drugs first, and if he need someone to talk to, he is alway here for him as he doesn’t want Angel to become just like him.

His dialogue sounded like it came from a character who is ignorant about addiction, like Charlie or Vicky, not Husk. Husk would never say, ”Look, you want to fuck up all your progress? Be my guest! I just thought you were better than this.” Because he would know from being an alcoholic, how terrible and invaliding those words are.

YES! I am very upset about this as well. While it certainly isn’t the most aggressive reprimand for relapsing I’ve seen it definitely wasn’t great either. I think a “Are you really sure you want to be doing that?” would’ve been better or even just Husk giving him a stern look.

[Brief intermission of me opening up the episode again for review]

Okay. I have words.

So. The way Husk says the line you mentioned to Angel, I can see where he’s coming from, but considering the fact Angel just complained about having a genuinely dangerous day at work, I think Husk giving a look like I mentioned would be the best course of action. That or like “Just try not to.” Now real quick as someone thats struggled with addiction, words like that really don’t/didn’t have much of an impact on me but—as cheesy as it is—the thought counts. I suppose I can understand maybe Husk said that because he might’ve been projecting or something?? I don’t know really, but it just like. Angel doesn’t seem too bothered by it but you can tell Husk’s words don’t exactly help much.

I think your idea of a heart to heart would’ve been really great actually. A scene of Husk pulling Angel aside for a talk would give some reason as to why Angel starts behaving so randomly nice in the rest of the episode. I wouldn’t mind Husk being a little aggressive about it as long as it didn’t end with him shaming Angel for it. Like maybe he gets a bit heated and then apologises and they talk things out civilly.

Im also a bit confused on the direction of the relapsing in question because we can see that Husk is clearly against Angel doing drugs, but with shots he doesn’t seem to care at all and even downs two at the same time himself so I guess maybe that can be attributed to Husk not seeing alcohol as an issue, but again I dunno. It’s really strange how they portray everything in this episode.

End of the line, this is more of Vivzie being confused about her own story it seems.

[buckysgrace]

7. Lay It on the Line

Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC/Tommy Hagan x Fem!OC

Now That We Don't Talk

CW: Stepcest, cheating, drinking, unprotected sex

Billy

He was spiraling.

One little taste of Kim had left him relapsing once again. He didn’t realize how badly he craved her up until now. How bad the withdrawals had really been. 

He had her whenever he could, bending her over appliances and furniture as she eagerly rocked herself back against his cock. 

He tested his limits too, groping her when Tommy was nearby but not looking. He was always trying to kiss her, touch her in some manner. He knew that deep down he was jealous that he still didn’t really have her, even if she had admitted her feelings to him.

She was afraid of hurting Tommy, of confusing Nora. Which he understood. He really did. He felt a similar manner, but he still wanted to progress. He wanted to be with her. To know Nora in a fatherly way. Being a dad was an odd concept to him, but it was even worse that he couldn’t try. 

Kim’s idea rang loud in his mind, far too loud. She was right. It would be easier to just get Tommy to leave on his own free will, but trying to figure out how to do that was difficult. 

Okay, and maybe it wasn't the best idea but it was an idea. Tommy was easy to manipulate, to persuade. He just had to play his cards right and it would be all over. At least that’s what he was hoping. 

Tommy was still a lightweight-, just as he recalled.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked as he turned towards Billy, “And you can’t get mad because it’s about your sister.” He was working on his fourth round, while Billy had stuck to nursing the same beer through the night. Being in a bar wasn’t the safest choice for him, but he was going to do it regardless. 

“Uh,” Billy paused for a second, “Sure.” He wasn’t sure if he was going to like his answer or not, but he went with it anyway. He couldn’t get mad. He needed Tommy to trust him, just for the time being. 

“She’s boring,” Tommy breathed out deeply, like he was ripping off something that had been attached to him for a long time, “I mean I thought I loved her but I don’t know. Do you know what I mean?”

“No.” Billy answered honestly. He was never bored around Kim. He never had been. Even if they were doing mundane things. He liked listening to her talk, liked watching the way her expression changed as she thought. He was smitten with her. He had been a fool to pretend otherwise. 

“We barely talk,” Tommy continued, “We don’t kiss. We don’t have sex. There’s nothing there.” He explained in frustration, eyebrows furrowing tightly together. Billy would usually feel bad for him, but not this time. His answer made him feel a little better. He did have a chance. 

“Why do you stay then?” He asked seriously, continuing to sip on his beer as Tommy took another quick shot. He sighed deeply, shutting his eyes as the alcohol washed over him. 

“I have a kid.” He stated dryly, confirming that he thought he was stuck in some loveless marriage. Which he was. Deep down Billy still felt guilty. A lot of the issues between him and Kim had been his fault. 

“You don’t think you could share custody?” He questioned instead, trying to make it seem like divorce wouldn’t be that bad. And it probably wouldn’t. Tommy could have what he wanted and Kim could be happy with him. 

“I dunno,” Tommy admitted as he took another large drink, “I guess I never thought about it.” He furrowed his eyebrows together, curiosity etched on his features as he let the idea swing around in his mind. Maybe Billy had successfully planted the seeds. 

They left an hour or so later, when Tommy was stumbling and no longer making sense. Billy hadn’t bought him anything past the first drink, just slowly watching until it became unbearable. Tommy was clearly drinking something away. 

“Do you know what time it is?” Kim asked once they were inside, Tommy lazily leaning against Billy’s side as he continued to ramble about the upcoming game this weekend. 

Billy grinned, unable to help it as he met Kim’s eye. She had her hands resting on her hips, a long nightgown placed over her shoulders as she looked at the two of them in disbelief. Billy glanced at the clock, confirming it was well past midnight. 

“No,” Tommy giggled, “I lost my watch.” He stated as he held up his bare wrists. Billy snorted as he shut the door behind them, wincing at the eway Tommy began to swagger back and forth. He smacked into the table, sending magazines, books and the vase of flowers flying everywhere. 

“How did you lose it?” She asked softly, reaching out as Tommy wrapped his arms around her and gave her cheek a big smooch. She winched, furrowing her eyebrows tightly together from his motions. 

“I think I gave it away.” He said as he pulled away, almost falling back before Billy steaded him again. He had given it away to a very pretty blonde.

“He’s a little drunk.” Billy stated as he wrinkled his nose up, letting Tommy wrap his arm around his shoulder once again. He held onto his waist, letting him stay balanced as they headed towards the hallway. 

“You need to sleep.” She stated from the bottom of the staircase, looking worried as Tommy kept dragging his feet behind him. Billy winced, tugging him up the stairs before he safely got him into bed. He was even nice enough to remove his shoes. 

When he walked back down Kim was in the living room, picking up the mess Tommy had left in his path. He admired her for a moment, eyes tracing over her spine and then the curve of her ass before he moved forward. 

“Hi,” He grinned as his hands fell to her waist, his lips near her ear, “Missed you.” He told her seriously, moving his hands across her waist as he breathed in the minty scent of her toothpaste. 

“Billy,” She warned, whispering as she moved away to help Tommy up the stairs, “Did you do this?” She asked him with raised eyebrows, making him grin innocently. .

“I bought us one round,” He chuckled as he shoved his hands in his pockets, “I’m sort of broke, if you remember.” He chuckled as he kissed her fingertips. He felt a little cocky as he stuck his tongue out, licking at her skin. 

“Right,” She shook her head as she sighed deeply, “I should go check on him.” She whispered softly, her eyes filled with lust as he sucked on her fingertip softly. 

“Or,” He grinned as he kissed her palm gently, “You could stay down here with me.” He told her seriously, wanting her to stay with him. He wanted her badly, even if it wasn’t in a sexual way. 

“Not when Tommy’s here.” She stated softly, looking at him unsure as he drifted his lips across her lips. She tasted so sweet. He gripped her face softly, his nose brushing against her own. 

“He’s too out of it,” He promised as he dragged his lips against hers once again, desperate to lick away her sweet taste, “C’mon. I thought of you all night.” He told her honestly, hoping that she realized how crazy he was about her. 

“You don’t make this easy.” She whispered underneath her breath, cheeks flushed as she drifted her eyes up towards his. He tried to not let it get to his head. 

“There’s no fun in that,” He hummed, smirking as he pushed her back onto the couch, “What’re you wearing underneath?” He asked her as he tugged at her nightgown, making her gasp in surprise.

“You’re drunk.” She pushed him away playfully, making him very bad for his decision to only take one beer. It was worth it. 

“I had one drink,” He promised as he traced his fingertips across her thighs, “I’d never take advantage of you.” He told her seriously, furrowing his eyebrows together before he chuckled at he was she smiled at him. 

“You’re a mess,” She giggled, making his insides float in awe, “What are you doing?” She asked him, squeaking softly as he pulled her nightgown up over her hips.

“Wanna taste you,” He smirked as he tugged the thin material over her head, giving her no time to protest before he fell to his knees and began to drag her panties down over her hips, “Please.”

She huffed, hand partially covering her face as she fell back against the couch. He spread her wide, rubbing his palms across her thighs as he stared at the small tuft of red hair across her cunt. 

“S’pretty,” He breathed out as he admired her, “You’re beautiful.” He told her softly, keeping eye contact with her to make sure that she knew he was serious. She was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

Her face burned brightly, her eyes warm and filled with lust as he traced his lips across her thighs. He savored her sweet scent, wondering how Tommy wasn’t buried between her legs every night. Every day. He knew he would be. 

He spit roughly across her cunt, making her squeak in surprise before he stuck his tongue out and licked it away. Her body trembled underneath him as he dipped his tongue between her folds, then around her pretty pink clit. 

He squeezed her thighs, his fingertips digging into her flesh as he held her apart. He buried his tongue deep inside of her slick hole, sliding his tongue across her spongy walls. She whimpered from underneath him, her hips rutting forward against his mouth.

He shut his eyes, groaning softly as the feeling of her folds against his tongue. She tasted incredible, made his mind fuzzy and his cock throb as he recalled how good her cunt felt around his girth. He needed to feel her. Right now. 

He slowly crawled up, squeezing at her thighs as he admired the look of bliss in her eyes. She breathed out heavily, lips parting as she stared at him in awe, “Lay back.” He demanded, ensuring that she followed his command. He wanted to treat her the way she deserved. 

-

Tommy

Tommy’s ears were still ringing, his mind fuzzy from the alcohol that was still coursing through his veins. He stumbled down the hallway before he drunkenly made his way towards the toilet. He heaved over, gripping a hold of the toilet seat as he emptied his stomach.

He rested his head against the wall

He slowly moved down the hallway, ensuring he was quiet in case Kim had fallen asleep down here again. Sometimes it was just easier that way. It kept them from fighting as much.

He crept around the corner, squinting his eyes as he confirmed that she was there. Probably mad. Great. But then he paused, realizing Billy was there too. And something was wrong. 

They were intimate, far too close. 

“Billy,” Kim’s lips were parted in awe, her features wrinkled in bliss as she looked up at the blonde in front of her. Tommy felt a sickness stirring in his stomach as he still continued to pray that he was seeing things wrong, that he was having some twisted nightmare, “Feels so good.” Her moans were laced with pleasure as Billy’s nose brushed against hers.

“Like my cock?” Billy groaned as his features matched her same pleasure. Her fingers were pressed into his biceps, holding onto him tightly as her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. 

“Uh huh,” She whimpered, her lips turning into a soft smile that matched his. Too tender and deep, “More. Please, please.” 

He lewdly spit into her mouth and Tommy fully expected for her to push him away then, to shove him off and tell him how disgusting that was. How disgusting they were. But she didn’t. She moaned as she swallowed it, her tongue darting out of her mouth and licking at his lips for more. It was sickening. 

He just kept staring, unable to stop himself as their lips then moved together in a passionate frenzy. He felt like he was going to vomit again, like his bones had turned into jelly. He finally forced himself away, quietly making his way back to the room. 

He thought for a long time, wondering if Kim had ever moaned like that underneath him. If she had ever dug her nails into his skin and tugged him closer and closer. He doubted it. Surely he would’ve remembered if she had ever treated him in such a way.

Then again, Billy wasn’t careful with her. His grip had been tight, his words filthy and movements rough. He didn’t treat her like she was fragile. Like she had carried his baby. Like she was all that he had ever wanted and more. 

Things slowly pieced together.

There had been a reason for Billy’s protectiveness before, the way he always had to be around them when they first started dating. They way he had skipped the wedding and then made a fool of himself. The way neither of them had spoken to each other in years.

And the way Nora didn’t look like him. 

He crawled back into bed after, pretending like this was all a nightmare. 

Tags: @cassandracorvo @jessicar401 @mrprettywhenhecries @losingmygrasponreality

[edosianorchids901]

Maybe A Bad Idea

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - "maybe one more"

Cw: alcohol abuse

Crowley toyed with the jug of wine on the table. He’d had a lot already, more than a lot. His vision had gone blurry a while ago, and he couldn’t quite feel his fingers. It was probably a bad idea to drink any more right now.

But he was sore everywhere. Sore, and tired of seeing people do horrible things to each other, and deeply tired of consciousness. Consciousness was overrated.

Conflicted, he poured another cup and stared at it. Sure, a demon could drink a lot without it being an issue. But past a certain point… bazzam. He’d be out cold. And although he wasn’t sure if he’d hit that point yet, he had to be getting close.

And he was in a tavern. Not his own bed. If he was gonna pass out, he preferred to do it in his own bed. Or, at least, the bed he’d rented.

He turned the cup in circles a few times, mouth watering at the thought of the sweet wine. The wine was one of the best things about Florence. Loads of options.

He liked this wine a lot. But it probably wasn’t a good idea to finish off the jug, no matter how much he liked it.

“Nnnh.” He picked up the cup. “Maybe one more.”

He was just gulping it down when a voice behind him said, “Maybe one more what?”

Startled, Crowley choked on the wine. “Hrgnk?”

Aziraphale, moving up next to him, patted him on the back while he coughed. “Oh dear. Are you all right?”

“Don’t… sneak up on me like that.” Crowley coughed again. “You’rennnangel. Shouldn’t sneak.”

“I didn’t sneak. I walked up right next to you.”

“Sneaking,” Crowley muttered again anyway. “N’ I’m only having one more. Gotta be respons’ble.”

“One more what?” Aziraphale asked.

“Drink.”

“I think you’ve had more than enough drinks, Crowley.”

“No such thing. Not when… thingy.” Crowley frowned, trying to remember what he’d been thinking about. He was pretty sure he’d been thinking about ducks at some point. “Ducks?”

Aziraphale’s expression wrenched with confusion. “You… you’re drinking because of ducks?”

“Nuh. Ducks are cool. S’ humans. I just meant, uh.” Crowley stared vaguely at the angel. “Can we go feed ducks?”

“It is one in the morning.”

“So, yes?”

“No.” Gently, Aziraphale took his arm. “Come along. It’s my angelic duty to make sure that silly old serpents make it home safety after overindulging.”

“S’ not,” Crowley protested. “S’posed to smite me, probably.”

“Well, do you want me to smite you?”

Crowley considered it. “Nuh. Sounds like it would hurt. And I hurt enough, right?”

“Ah, I see. That does explain the drinking, at least a bit.” Undeterred, Aziraphale tugged him out of the chair and dragged him towards the door. “Did anything cause the pain?”

“You’re not exactly helping it, are you?”

“Before that, I mean. Before you started drinking.”

Everything before Crowley started drinking was a total blur, which was just the way he liked it. “Dunno. I guess… stress? Was writing my report n’ stuff.”

“Ah,” Aziraphale said softly. “Yes, I suppose that would be stressful.”

It was always stressful, but this century had been even worse than others. Crowley was expected to report on anything and everything horrible happening in the area where he’d been assigned.

Unfortunately, there were a lot of horrible things happening. Right now, he was mostly bothered by all the war and murder and torture and everything.

“Think I tensed up a lot.” Woozy, he leaned on Aziraphale as they went down the narrow cobbled street. “Sort of just overloaded, didn’t I? Can you blame me?”

“No. No, I certainly cannot blame you.” Sighing, Aziraphale steered him into an inn, then took him to an unfamiliar room. “You smell rather a lot of wine, my dear.”

“Spilled it on myself earlier,” Crowley said helpfully.

“Yes, well. Why don’t you change into some clean clothes?”

“Don’t have any.”

“I shall lend you some, then.”

Crowley yielded, too tired to argue that a demon couldn’t be caught wearing white. But the clothes smelled like Aziraphale, and they weren’t soaked in wine and Satan knew what else, so that was a definite bonus.

His head spun, and he groaned as Aziraphale dressed him and then pulled him into bed. He crumpled against the soft side, his head landing on Aziraphale’s well-padded shoulder. “M’ tired.”

“I imagine so.” Gently, Aziraphale stroked hair out of his face and pressed a careful kiss to his brow. “Are you too hot or too cold?”

Crowley tried to think. He wasn’t having much luck thinking.

“Think last drink was too many,” he finally said. He was pretty sure he was supposed to be answering a question. Couldn’t actually remember what Aziraphale asked. “Right? Maybe a bad idea.”

“Maybe a bad idea,” Aziraphale agreed, spreading a blanket across him. Arms settles loosely around him, like they were insulating him from the rest of the world. “But it’s a very good idea for you to stay with me, hmm? You did get yourself into this, but I am quite content to watch over you.”

“Hn. Yeah.” Crowley closed his eyes, sinking deeper into Aziraphale’s embrace. “S’ good idea.”

He was still sore everywhere, not to mention miserable over the things that people did to each other, and he was pretty sure he was about to pass out from that last cup of wine. At least here, in Aziraphale’s arms, he could enjoy unconsciousness in total safety.

[snowdrop-ivy]

Chasing the Clouds: A Journey Back to The Beef | 4

Summary: Mikey left the restaurant to Carmen, Natalie, and you.

Trope: Second chances

T/W: Cursing, unresolved mental issues, trauma, suic!de, angst, and smut.

Carm and the crew were close to opening. Rich thought it was a good idea to show Tina his date last night. Carm ran his hand through his hair as he watched their bickering. Syd was eyeing daggers at Rich for being so fucking loud. Manny was getting used to yelling at the crew about how they should remove the stickers from the containers. Carm was chopping as Syd talked to him on a new menu item they should do as they hear banging on the metal back door.  Carmy was getting fed up from the overlapping voices and the noise coming from the back.

“Now, so you know where I’m coming from, we are finally gotten this to a place where things are sort of kind of a little bit chill, all right? I would like to hold on to that as long as I possibly can,” Carmy said with his stern voice. Syd nodded all the way.

“God damn it, Carmy,” Sugar yelled through the knocking.

Carm slammed the knife down and went his way to the back door. His stress levels are nowhere to be found. This is so different from where he used to work. After Mike bailed on him, he promised himself to never set a foot on this shithole but things have fucking changed drastically and here he was, his personal hell. He lit a cigarette first before slamming the door open.

“Who the fuck is that?” He yelled. His anger went away for an instant. Like a balloon popped. His eyes widened, full of confusion and mind full of questions on what you were doing there, knocking. He searched for an answer in your eyes but all he could see was how your lashes fluttered in shock. He wanted to knock his head when he saw you jolted upright when he yelled. 

“Sorry,” He muttered. “What are you doing here?”

Your mouth was agape. You cleared your throat and stood up straight then placed your hands in the pockets of your cardigan. “Nat told me to knock. She’s just getting something from her car.”

He let out a harsh breath and closed the door behind him then leaned on it. Then he offered you a cigarette which made you stand next to him with an inch of space between you, that he could feel your clothing. Well, you weren’t really touching but he had this feeling on how you wrapped your arms around him as you shared a cigar. He took a deep breath and he smelt your scent; citrusy with a hint of the alcohol you had. It gave him a little peace of mind knowing that something still hadn’t changed on you and he hoped nothing else would. Not that he doesn’t want you to change but just because it would mean to him that you were slipping away as well.

“How are you?” You suddenly asked after a long silence. You thought that it’d be awkward but it wasn’t.

He nodded. “Good, you?” 

“Good,” You nodded as well. You saw him staring at you while huffing his cigar. You looked at him and you saw nothing in his eyes. It was just blue. “What?’

“Why are you getting married?” He sharply asked, tossing his cigar and stood in front of you with his arms crossed.

“Excuse me?” You questioned, copying his stance.

“Why?” He asked again, taking a step closer but you didn’t move.

You bore your eyes at him, raising your brow. “Because I love him.”

He continued to stare at you. He didn’t want to hear that. He could hear his jaws clenching and his fist balling up. He wanted more answers as to why. He just wanted to know if it’s really over. 

“Jesus christ!” You exclaimed. “What? You need more?” Your voice raised lightly but it didn’t budge him, he just continued to stare at you. “You know why? Huh, Carmen, because I saw the way he looked at me when I’m not looking and that’s the way I fucking looked at you!” You felt your eyes burning up, like a moth drawn to a flame. You were panting, feeling the anger rise up. You saw his jaw clench and his eyes darkened. His fist balled in that he could feel the pain from his nails boring into his palm. He wanted to lash out his anger but he couldn’t since he brought this to himself. He made this bed and now he has to lay in it.

“What’s happening?” Nat asked. Your heads turned to her. Her eyes were wide open and confusion drawn to her face when he saw his brother in front of you.

Carm went to her sister. You took a deep breath and calmed yourself for a minute before following them. You knew this would be a bad idea going here after you just had 4 mimosas for lunch. Nat didn’t, she thought it’d be okay since you were all fucking business partner. Business partners your ass. God damn it, Michael!

“There is something called the Internal Revenue Service, and they collect taxes from human beings,” Nat explained to her brother with a sarcastic smile.

You stood behind Nat and watched Carm sway from side to side while smoking. “I know this.”

“And the people in this place,” She pointed at the restaurant. “They haven’t given that government organization anything in five years. And somehow, I’m a co-owner in this nightmare. And my home will be seized if—”

“I can pay for it,” You raised your hand like a shy little girl.

They both looked at you intently. “What? It’s for my student loan payment but hey, I’m already working for their hospitals. Why should I still pay it?”

Their brows creased and opened their mouths. You saw the hesitation in Nat’s eyes. “No, baby doll, you can’t do that. What we need to do is go inside and to get the payroll records from 2018. Can you do that for me, please?”

Carm raised his hands and nodded. “I can do that.”

“Thank you,” Nat exclaimed. “We’re gonna help you find it.”

You choked on what you heard. You raised your brows, letting out a chuckle. “What?”

Nat rolled her eyes. “You said you have nowhere to be. You’re a co-owner of this shithole, help me.”

“Okay,” You agreed, eyes rolling, eager for her to just shut up. “Chop chop then, owners.”

You heard the screams when you went inside. Just like before. These guys don't know how to shut up. The mimosas are hitting you that you can feel the tingling on your temples. It got even faster when Fak screamed your name that echoed in the kitchen.

“Baby doll!” He ran to you and hugged you.

You felt your head spin as he spinned you around. You lost balance when he placed you down that you almost fell down but Carmy quickly held your arm to help you. You glanced at him and his eyes flickered with worry. You straightened up and tugged your cardigan. 

“Fak, stop playing!” Carm snapped. “You okay?” He asked you. You nodded your head and lightly smiled at him.

“Sorry,” Fak said. “You okay?”

You raised your brows. “Had a drink at lunch. Sorry for that.”

He laughed. “That’s okay, I had a drink too.”

You grinned before giving him a proper hug. “So…” He whistled when he saw Carm holding your arm. “You guys back together?”

All the heads in the kitchen turned to you as they waited for an answer. Carm twitched his lips trying to hide his smirk but his eyes gave it away. You looked at Fak seriously before gently letting go of Carm’s hold on you.

“No,” You faked a smile at him before greeting everyone you knew in the kitchen. 

You inhaled the familiar smell you knew full of spices. You remembered the last time you helped here. And you can’t deny how you missed the people who helped The Beef. You and Nat went to Carm’s office and went straight to look for the records. Nat was cursing at every document he found, sitting beside Carm on the table. You sat on the floor across them and had boxes beside you that you were rummaging through. You blinked every second just to look at the papers. You can feel it dropping every moment now. Carm kept glancing at you just to make sure you’re okay. You felt your head bobbing till you just saw darkness. 

Carm took out his coat from the locker then folded it up before going back to the room and placing it on your head that was on top of the box. He kneeled down in front of you and watched you fall into a daze. Carm chuckled as he heard your soft snores that indicate you’re already sleeping. He remembered the times you came home drunk. You’d always curl up on him like a kitten drawn to a ball of yarn and just dozed off. He stood up and saw Nat staring at him. She cocked her head, she took in the sight of her brother staring at his ex-fiance. Her mouth curved into a smile as Carm returned to her side.

“Shut up,” Carm began, annoyingly. He continued to look for the records while still glancing at you. “Why’d you let her drink?”

“She said she wants to take her mind off the wedding planning so I let her get what she wants,” She sighed, getting tired of the endless boxes in front of them.

Carm pursed his lips before licking it as he placed down the papers to sit on the chair. He studied you as he rubbed his bottom lip. How you look so cozy wearing a blue jumper with shorts and black ankle high boots. How you wore it along with a gold chain necklace with random rings on your finger. He remembered the days you used to play dress up in your apartment and he would come home to you wearing different costumes for your portfolio. He smiled in his mind reliving those memories. Then he imagined how you would look on your wedding day. He knew that he wouldn’t have words to describe how gorgeous you would be. In a long white gown with a veil over your head that wouldn’t hide your face.

[dks-smut]

&yet part 2

Pairing: f!reader x rm!Sehun x Kyungsoo

Rating: Mature

Word Count: ~4,800

Genre: Smut, Jealousy, Angst, Friends/Strangers to FWB (to lovers?)

Warnings: Teasing, drugs/alcohol, foreplay, mutual masturbation.

Plot: Sehun is your best friend and roommate. He invites his new friend over, Kyungsoo, to help him through a rough breakup. As tensions build, the dynamic between you three takes a turn.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 /

——///——

You woke up the next morning on the couch a bit confused as to why you were there. You are alone, yet there is a blanket over you and a pillow under your head. It dawns on you that you must have passed out. You stretch and roll off the couch onto your feet. You start walking towards the bathroom and events from last night flash across your memory. After showering and dressing, you relax in front of the TV eating cereal. It’s quite late in the morning to be getting up. Usually you are up before the sun, but it’s almost 11:00am.

While zoning out, watching mind numbing TV, Sehun comes down the hall, yawning. He goes into the fridge and grabs a yogurt. He sits down next to you, just nodding since your mouth is full.

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks.

“Not sure. I woke up and he wasn’t here,” you respond.

“Nothing happened between you two?” Sehun asks.

“What? No. I just met him. He seems nice enough.”

Sehun chuckles, “It was a joke. I covered you up and went to bed. Kyungsoo fell asleep at the other end of the couch.”

”Well, thanks for looking out for me. I can’t believe I slept so late,” you huff.

”I mean, last night was pretty wild,” Sehun jests. “Plus, it’s the weekend, don’t be so hard on yourself,” he continues. “Are you sure you didn’t scare Kyungsoo away? Did you come on to him?”

Sehun is laughing with a mouthful of yogurt, creating a gross sound, which makes you start to laugh.

“No! I swear! The last thing I remember was falling asleep on your shoulder and then waking up,” you say. “Are you trying to set us up or something?”

”What? I mean you guys should hookup. I know you’ve not gotten laid in a long time,” he responds.

You choke on your cereal, mainly because of Sehun’s idea, but mostly because he knows you’ve not had sex in awhile. It hurts, like the truth is supposed to sometimes.

”I don’t even know him. What kind of person do you think I am?” you say, half joking.

“You could just hook up. If you want.”

You take another spoonful of cereal, rolling your eyes, while half listening to the junk on TV. You hope he leaves it there, not to further this conversation.

”I’m meeting my friend tonight at the bar, you and Kyungsoo wanna join?” you ask, completely ignoring Sehun.

”Yeah! Let’s do it! Let’s get smashed!”

“I could set you up with her, but I know you have no issue with finding women to have sex with,” a smirk hiding behind your statement.

Sehun laughs, “Very funny! But we can set each other up! Me with your friend and you with Kyungsoo!”

“Why are you so adamant about setting me up with anyone?” you ask as you tilt the bowl to drink the last of the milk out of it. As you get up to put your bowl in the sink, Sehun grabs his phone while finishing up his yogurt. He glances up as you pass him toward the kitchen.

“I’m not trying to. I just thought it’d be nice, since, you know…” Sehun’s voice gets quieter, hoping you don’t take offense.

“I get it, I do. Believe me. I’m the one going without, not you. Sorry if I sound ungrateful. I don’t know what I want.” A relationship? A friend with benefits? One night stand?

“Well, let me know when you figure it out, and I can help. But not like that, I swear!” Sehun says as he follows you to the kitchen.

“Ew! No! Why would we do that? I like you as my friend!” you say. “Also, my friend is lesbian,” you add as you walk from the kitchen, noticing Sehun choking on his spit. He offers a playful push to your back as you continue into the living room.

And that was that. There is a part of you that cannot get Kyungsoo off your mind. His demeanor, his laugh, his silence and gaze. He makes you wonder what he’s thinking about; his eyes demanding your attention. When you speak, his eyes dart around your face before focusing in on your eyes, never glancing away. That look makes you feel like he’s the sun and you’re the only one in his orbit. The mysteriousness surrounding him makes your mind wander off to not so appropriate places.

- - -

The plan was set in motion. You all met up at the bar to blow off steam from another shitty work week. You really wanted to let loose but in a way that meant no one would have to look after you. You decided to take a shot as soon as you walked up to the bar. You needed some liquid courage if you were going to be in Kyungsoo’s presence all night.

Once the shot was settling in your stomach, you and Sehun shuffled to grab a table while your friend, Jules, went to the bathroom. Kyungsoo had texted Sehun earlier saying he was going to be late. The three of you are having a great time, meaning, you all take a round of shots. I really am going to let loose, but only so much. Two shots so far. Pace yourself. Don’t embarrass yourself.

You all ordered some wings and beer, and just then, Kyungsoo walks through the door. His eyes widen as he scans the bar looking for us. When he catches sight of Sehun, he begins to walk over. You only know this since you’re the only one facing the doors at a table tucked away in a corner. You see his hurried but determined look as he takes the seat next to you. You introduce him to Jules and Sehun passes him a glass of beer he poured from the pitcher. As an awkward silence dove over the table, Sehun pipes up, “Here’s to breakups. A new beginning!”

Kyungsoo looks over to Sehun and smirks, clinks his glass with ours, sips, and begins to look sad.

“Man, I’m sorry! I’m trying to lighten the mood!” Sehun says as he rubs Kyungsoo on the shoulder.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. The cut is still new, it needs to heal. Please don’t let me stop you from having fun,” Kyungsoo says as he leans in towards Sehun so other patrons don’t hear him.

“More alcohol then!” you say for some levity and top off Kyungsoo’s glass. He lifts his head up and smiles wholeheartedly as he raises his glass to his lips.

God, his plump lips. So soft, so distracting.

Luckily the night is filled with drunken anecdotes, silly parlor games, and unintended physical contact. The table is small and since getting drunk meant people, unintentionally or not, become more likely to gesticulate. The smell of Kyungsoo would waft its way beneath your nose and goosebumps cover your arms. You shake to bring warmth and feeling back to your body. Kyungsoo notices you shiver and leans in to inquire,

“Are you okay? Are you cold?” You don’t realize he’s speaking to you until you become overwhelmed by his scent, yet again. He breaks your stupor with his warmth, your skin now aflame.

”Oh yeah, just got the chills. Sorry to worry you,” you stammer out, shoving the glass of beer to your mouth to quickly guzzle the rest. So much for pacing yourself. You can still ease up, just order a glass of water. I feel like I’m already making a fool of myself in his presence. I can’t do this sober. Help me.

He leans away from you and watches as you slam down the glass to then excuse yourself from the table. You need a break and can’t wait for the server to appear again to ask for water. Sehun yells from the table as you leave. You don’t turn around, walking up to the bar.

”Hey, did you hear me? Are you okay? You look moody,” Sehun asked in the lowest, most serious tone you’ve ever heard from him. But you’re both drunk, who knows if that’s even true.

”Yeah, wh—,” you stop and order from the bartender.

”Water?! Yeah, there’s something wrong.”

”I swear, everything’s fine. I’m trying to pace myself. Not get too drunk. I don’t want to embarrass myself,” you say, grabbing the water, nodding and mouthing thank you.”

”That’s never mattered before. Really, do you feel okay?” Sehun asks. He grabs you by the shoulder, turning you around. He reaches his palm to your forehead,

”You feel a little war—“,

”Stop it. Seriously. I’m fine. Please,” you beg Sehun and then chuckle as if to lighten the past dialogue.

You all sit and drink into the night. You are sure to alternate with water, and continue to graze on leftover wings and celery. Everyone seems to be laughing and you suddenly remember something very important. You gesture across the table to Sehun, as if smoking a joint. He perks up and announces,

“Who’s down for going back to our place for blunts and crafts?”

The table erupts with laughter.

“Very discreet. Nice one,” you start to laugh loudly and notice Kyungsoo’s attention falling upon you, his light, saving the dying. Your face turns red when you feel his gaze and say,

”I’ll go pay the tab. I’ll meet you outside.”

“It’s my turn. I’ll get it this time,” Sehun says.

”Nope, I invited everyone, my treat.”

Everyone smiles toward you and says their thanks. Kyungsoo bows his head and thanks you earnestly. You will never forget the way his bangs fell into his eyes and then the way he ran his fingers through them to push it back. Your knees are weak as you walk up to pay.

You light a smoke as soon as you exit the building. Everyone but Jules was partaking. The group of you loiter for a bit longer until you decide to start walking in the direction of your and Sehun’s place.

- - -

Settling onto the couch with your freshly rolled joint, you begin to take out various craft items. Jules and Sehun are sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. You and Kyungsoo are sitting together on the couch. Everyone is grabbing at colored pencils, stickers, glue, and glitter.

You light up the joint and start the rotation. You pass it to Sehun on your left, he passes it to Jules, then Kyungsoo. He seems quite nervous and doesn’t drag very hard. He exhales and begins to cough. While still coughing, he passes you the joint. Oh my god, my lips are going to be where his lips were. I can’t hold it in. I’m going to lose it.

You look up at Kyungsoo and take the joint, careful not to linger or touch his hand. Just then, Sehun pipes up,

“I’m gonna make something cute for my mom!”

“I didn’t realize you were still in kindergarten,” Jules says.

“Hey, you’re never too old to love your mom or to give her something handmade,” Sehun says back, still buzzed. He didn’t really care about other peoples’ opinions, especially when it came to his mom. It was all in loving jest, everyone still concentrating on what they were going to create.

You take a nice, long drag and finally exhale, careful not to blow it towards anyone. This pause made you look over to Kyungsoo, diligently creating a little pocket notepad. He used some thread to join some paper, and now he is placing washi tape on each page as a border. No matter what he is doing, it gives you the chills. He’s just quietly working and not to mention tidying up the supplies as he goes, careful to put items back in their place.

The four of you are getting a bit tired after all the revelry. You stand and ask if anyone would like a drink. You definitely needed water since weed always gives you cottonmouth. Once you return, you set down the water glasses and get comfortable on your spot on the couch. Sehun and Jules decide to sit on the loveseat that was perpendicular to the sofa you and Kyungsoo occupied. You decide on a funny show that everyone has seen a million times.

While resting your head on the armrest with a blanket covering your feet, you comment on a funny joke in the show. This rouses everyone to repeat their favorite jokes from the show. By god, you have never heard Kyungsoo speak so much at once, and you could get used to it. His low timbre, his rich and deep voice, so soothing, yet so sexy. You grab your phone while Jules is telling her favorite joke, and send a funny gif to Sehun. Once he hears his phone vibrate, he picks it up to look and immediately starts laughing.

“What's so funny?” Jules asks.

“Just a funny gif. I’ll send it to you,” Sehun replies.

“Hey, I want to see!” Kyungsoo interrupts. He looks over to you, since he’s far from everyone else and asks you to send it to him.

“I don’t have your number,” you say meekly.

Shit, I am getting his number. I can’t believe this. Just be cool.

Now that everyone was in on the joke, silence returns.

Everyone seemed to be on a good mix of high and drunk. Silly, sloppy, bursts of laughter, and moments of silence. With that, you feel like you’re the only one who is hiding something. That need within you is lurking, which could cause you to act on it, like you were being split into two opposing directions. You’re trying hard to ease the tension by pressing your thighs together.

Why does weed make me supremely horny? My standard is being regular horny, but weed takes it up ten notches. Holy hell.

More drunken antics ensue. Being this needy right now is stressing you out. You rise from the couch announcing to the room,

”I’m headed out for a cigarette. Wanna join?”

”Oh! Me!” Sehun jumps up while heading to put on his cardigan.

”Yes. I really need one,” Kyungsoo says quietly.

”I’ll just be here. With all the booze, drugs, and glitter. Having way more fun than you three!” Jules chimes in sarcastically, chuckling to herself as you exit onto the balcony.

With another person out here, your shoulders are squished in between Sehun and Kyungsoo. As you’re all smoking out in the crisp and clear night, Sehun begins telling Kyungsoo an inside joke. Something about how one of their coworkers has horrible body odor. They both chuckle and you are silent, off in your own land; a land of hands touching, and lips meeting. Your elbow slips from the railing and hits Kyungsoo’s arm. He looks over at you and grazes your arm, he pulls back immediately,

”I’m sorry. My fault,” he ekes out hesitantly.

“Shit, I’m sorry. My arm slipped. Totally my bad,” you answer.

”Well, I don’t have cooties,” Kyungsoo jokes.

“See what I mean? I told you he was quiet but funny!” Sehun begins laughing hysterically at Kyungsoo’s burn.

While Sehun’s head is bobbing around from laughing, you glance over at Kyungsoo and he mouths quietly to you, "I'm sorry,” and bows his head.

You’re not sure why he’s saying sorry. You both turn to look out at the night skyline, continuing your cigarettes. Again, a silence takes hold and you begin to feel Kyungsoo’s body warmth since he is pressed closely to you. There’s really something about being in the presence of a person like him. It’s hard to describe. It takes hold of all rationality; your body, your will power.

Having gone back inside to get cozy, Jules calls it a night.

”It’s been great. I will cherish my glitter picture frame for all time. Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo. See you jerks later,” she says and closes the door behind her.

Kyungsoo also gets up, feeling a bit awkward now that he is the only guest left. Hoping not to stay past his welcome. He extends his thanks and turns to leave before adding,

”Have a good night. It was fun. And thank you again. See you at work, Sehun.”

Sehun gives a thumbs up and laughs, Kyungsoo copying him. His hearty laughter is also something else. The way it deeply vibrates right down to your pussy.

You and Sehun stay up longer on the couch watching shows until you start yawning and Sehun says,

”I’m out. I can’t. I’m hittin’ the hay.”

”I can’t get up. Too comfy. Night night,” you mumble into the blanket with your eyes closed.

Maybe if you hadn’t gone to bed horny this wouldn’t have happened. None of it, but it starts with you dreaming of Kyungsoo once you've fallen asleep…

His fingers lightly graze your cheek. You’re standing on the threshold of your bedroom. He drags his fingers down around your neck to bring your lips to his. You shrink into the kiss, unsure of how this started. You realize the feeling of his full lips on yours is euphoric. You lean into his kiss, and place both palms on his broad shoulders.

He begins to walk you backwards toward your bed. You resist his force which causes him to ease up and bring his mouth back to yours. He lifts your jaw to deepen the kiss and you both open your mouths, tongues gliding in unison. You let out a slight whimper at the feeling of his tongue on yours, the saliva, his hands on your body. He pauses to open his eyes and removes his lips from yours, asking,

”Are you okay? Please tell me if you’re not. Promise?”

Still in shock with Kyungsoo’s saliva on your lips, you answer,

”Yes. I need you. I promise.”

He steps back, holding your cheeks up toward his gaze. It’s as if he’s trying to get the right lighting to see every part of you. Trying to swallow you whole starting with his eyes, then his lips. You really can’t do this anymore, and you smash your face into his. You do this with so much fervor that your teeth clink together as you rush to put your tongue in his mouth. You start sucking on his bottom lip and then bite it while pulling down a bit. Kyungsoo grunts so deeply that your pussy begins to leak.

You place your hands under his shirt to feel his body, which causes him to shiver. He presses his lips harder into yours and places his hands on your ass. He squeezes and you moan into his mouth. His fingers trace up the small of your back to your rib cage, ending with both palms groping your breasts. You’re moaning more and even louder as he leans you back onto your bed.

His hand goes up your shorts and rubs over the waistband of your underwear. You stretch out and moan when his fingers dips lower to rub over your pussy. You start to writhe and he watches your every movement, even when your eyes roll back into your head. He makes you feel like the hottest person alive, his every move and thought dedicated to you and your pleasure. He slips two fingers under your panties and when he reaches your bare pussy, you wake up.

You awake to a horrible empty feeling, like there is a hole or a missing piece. You start to replay the dream over and over in your head. You’ve never had a wet dream quite like this, it was too real. It was overwhelming, your body aching while imagining the feeling of his hands on you. Your thighs rub together and there is a familiar feeling of wetness. You reach into your underwear and flick a finger through your slit. Before reaching beyond, your labia was covered in slick.

You place two fingers to your clit and start rubbing, spreading your wetness farther. You moan softly as you now begin to pinch your nipple from under your shirt. You spread your thighs apart and gyrate your hips from beneath the blanket. Your mind is rewinding and slowing down parts of your dream while loving the feeling of your own touch.

A small floor creak gives away a watcher. You snap up from the couch, leaving your bottom half still covered by the blanket. You try to adjust your vision to look beyond the dark hallway corner. You see Sehun’s outline. He steps out into the light of the living room. His face is flush and you see he has a hard-on beneath his boxer briefs. Your eyes are wide as you yank the blanket to cover your upper half.

“Please continue,” Sehun says in a hushed tone.

”What? Am I dreaming again?” You ask, while Sehun is approaching you on the couch.

“Stop. What do you think is going to happen?” Sehun says, responding to a question with a question.

You really had no idea what was happening or what Sehun was going to do next but your pulsing pussy won out over self control.

He sat gently on the other end of the couch, resting against the back, his head turning to look at you. Your toes touch his thighs and he begins to rub himself over his underwear. Starting intently at you.

“Let’s help each other out. No weirdness. Just watching, no touching,” Sehun says as he reaches to grip his painfully hard cock.

This feels surreal, having Sehun’s bare cock spring up while sitting just feet away. You feel taken aback by these events, not knowing how to respond. Sehun adds,

“Please. I heard you and saw you. I know you need it.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask him, trying not to focus too long on his dick.

“You don’t have to be ashamed. I know you haven’t been with anyone in a long time. I heard your moans. I came out to see you touching yourself. I heard how wet you are.

You want to cower under the blanket and go back to sleep, but everything Sehun said was true.

“Will this ruin what we have?” you ask sincerely.

“You don’t have to show me anything. But now you’ve seen my dick. No big deal right?”

“Well, since you put it that way, all right.” you thoughtlessly reply and your hands go back under your pajamas.

You close your eyes and begin, again, to imagine Kyungsoo’s lips and hands. The way he ardently crashed his face into yours. The way he guided you to your bed, the way he overtook you and leaned over your body, taking in every minute detail.

Your eyes open to witness Sehun cranking away on his dick. Looking over toward you every now and again, but mostly he has his head back and eyes closed. Since he doesn’t seem to be fazed by what is transpiring, you begin to pinch your clit which causes a yelp to fall out of your mouth. Sehun turns his head slightly, barely opening his eyes, and grunts. The creases of a smirk are hardly visible.

Once you brush off the awkwardness, you travel deep within your reverie. You begin to push two of your fingers inside your hot pussy. You were already close to cumming after you woke up from the dream, but now you are at the precipice. One more flash of Kyungsoo’s delicate hands gripping your waist, and you finally orgasm. Your hand is stuck between your tightly closed thighs while your hips thrust upward, finally slowing once you come down. While you’re trying to catch your breath and you open your eyes again only to remember Sehun is jerking off. You moaning through your orgasm seems to cause Sehun to cum, finally ejaculating into his hand. He takes a deep breath, puts his shrinking cock back inside his underwear and goes to the sink to wash his hands. He returns with a damp paper towel for you to which you shyly accept.

“I hope this was okay. Not so bad, right?” Sehun asks while sitting back down on the sofa.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s forget this happened and go back to normal,” you confess.

“Yes, let’s pretend we were having a dream. Especially the one you were having when I came out to hear you moaning and writhing in your sleep.”

“Exactly. Just a dream,” you say and finally move to get up off the couch to take a shower.

“What were you dreaming about?” Sehun asks as you disappear down the hall.

“It was a celebrity. Don’t worry,” you answer back.

- - -

After having showered, you’re in your room finding something to wear. You want to listen to some music while doing so, then after, you might tidy your room up a bit. You grab your phone and as soon as you do you see a text from Kyungsoo,

‘Thanks again for last night, it was fun.’

‘Care to hang out again soon?’

Your face is flush and your heart feels as if it might implode. Your fingers shake as you try to type a response. Not sure what to say, you finally decide on a gif of a sitcom character giving the thumbs up.

Kyungsoo barely spoke last night but sending two texts in quick succession was surprising. Not sure what kind of texter you expected him to be, but this wasn’t close. The texts were to the point, no emojis or gifs, so it definitely feels like it’s in the realm of possibility that Kyungsoo did author these texts. You never expected he’d be the one to text you first, or to text you at all. Maybe he had feigned wanting to see the gif and thought this was his way of getting your number. Maybe Kyungsoo wanted to keep it from Sehun by not asking him directly for it. This is what happens to your thoughts when you suddenly have the most handsome and polite man texting you about wanting to hang out. Over analyzing every facet of each second in your life is your forte. You’re comfortable in your own brain but these thoughts can make you anxious and depressed.

Your phone vibrates again with Kyungsoo sending a link to a tiny, hole-in-the-wall eatery. You click and scroll through photos with your stomach grumbling along the way. You type a salivating emoji back to him. He responds with,

’This place is delicious. I know the family who runs it.’

He wasn’t leading or asking you again if you would accept or deny the invitation. Your mind reels with possible replies. Should you go? What would Sehun think if he found out? He was trying to set you and Kyungsoo up before you even met him, so maybe, he would be fine with it. He even told you he noticed you were in a sexual drought. But also this could be nothing or turn into nothing. Maybe Kyungsoo wasn’t interested in a physical relationship with you. Maybe he really just wants to be friends. There your mind goes again with every hypothetical known in the universe.

’Looks great! You’ll have to tell me what you recommend. How’s Friday night?’

It wasn’t long until Kyungsoo replied,

’Perfect. I can pick you up. I know it’s far from your apartment.’

Fuck, I’m going to be getting into a car with him. His car. And how is he so considerate and thoughtful?

’It’s a plan! See you then,’ and you added a smiling face with smiling eyes emoji. The one with the rosy cheeks.

As you turn around to finish dressing you hear a knock on the door. Your giddiness and beaming smile fade and your shoulders sink. You remember what transpired out in the living room with Sehun. You rush to put your clothes on and shout,

”Just a minute! Getting dressed!

You open the door as your arm straightens through the sleeve of your shirt. You really don’t want to make things awkward, remembering what Sehun said. We fucking came together on the couch! How can this not be awkward! You look up at him and ask,

”Hey, yeah, what’s up?” You step sideways making room for him to enter.

”I wanted to apologize for earlier. I was not thinking with my brain. I mean, after I heard you then saw you, that was it,” he says as he takes a seat on your bed.

”I agreed to it. There’s no need to be sorry. Since we’ve acknowledged this, let’s forget it, like you said,” you reply, standing in front of your open door, your hand gripping the handle.

”Okay, but please let’s go back, starting now,” Sehun adds.

”Deal. Forgotten. I’m hungry and I need to get high,” you say while rubbing your stomach.

”Great minds, they say!” Sehun says excitedly.

How in the hell did you weave yourself such an awfully tangled web?

———

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3