#the interpersonal relationships they all have with each other and history just!! fucks me up!!!

[arcanaaa]

Loke 🤝 Gray

The Source of Cana's Headache

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello!! I hope you're doing well! Do you have any recs for books about twisted/problematic relationships but with woc? Obviously there's our queen octavia butler but unfortunately for me i've finished reading all her books so i'm desperately craving for books that scratch this itch. Thank you for this blog btw i really love reading all your thoughts & reviews ♥️

goddd okay this list is not going to be nearly as long as I wish it was but it is extreeeeemely varied, so at least we have that going for us lmao. and hopefully you find something interesting in here:

right out of the gate if you're chasing that Octavia high, Rivers Solomon's novel Sorrowland feels very very in that vein. it starts with a teenage girl escaping from a Black separatist fundie cult while heavily pregnant with the cult leader's twins, deciding to give birth to the babies in the woods and raise them there. and boy, does it get crazier from there! there are some eventual transformative body horror sci-fi elements that I shan't spoil, but it's a time. the relationships are pretty secondary and genuinely not the most fucked up thing here, but our main girlie Vern is very much into girls and trying to figure that out on top of all the other horrors.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is the first book in a fantasy trilogy by specfic queen NK Jemisin, and the first book in particular is really like. problematic relationship city. the protagonist is called to be an heir to a dying emperor and IMMEDIATELY gets embroiled in a love triangle with two of the gods that her family enslaves for power??? crazy shit.

I just kicked off this year reading a book called Darknesses by Lachelle Seville, which ALSO features a young Black woman fresh out of a cult (this one loves self harm and anorexia). and then she meets another Black girl who casually drops that she's Dracula, and oh boy do things get weirder from there. this book is like kind of Not Good but it is very entertaining; at a certain point you just have to turn off your brain and go with the vibes. it's sweeter than a lot of examples but listen, obsession and bloodlust are obsession and bloodust no matter how much your gf Dracula respects consent. there's a lot of murder!

this one doesn't have any supernatural bullshit afoot and is instead just regular degular #problematic, but Raven Leilani's Luster was one of my favorite books last year and follows an absolute shitshow of a young Black woman's extremely loaded and weird relationship with her older white boyfriend and his insane wife, as well as their adopted Black daughter.

anther no magic entry: I really love Oyinkan Braithwaite's My Sister, The Serial Killer, which is about exactly what you think it's about! the narrator is a put-upon Nigerian woman whose beautiful, beloved sister has murdered her last several boyfriends and has come crying to her dutiful sister to help her clean it up each time; the plot kicks in when the murdery sister sets her sights on the narrator's boss, a doctor to whom the narrator is also attracted. I know it's a sibling relationship instead of a romantic one but you didn't specify so! I am counting it!

this one is like very very very niceys compared to everything else I'm going to put on this list but it's also pretty hot so I have to mention it: Little Rabbit by Alyssa Songsiridej is about a young, bisexual Asian-American woman struggling to get a writing career off the ground falling in love with a Notably Older and wealthier white man and figuring out how to navigate the subsequent problems both within their own interpersonal dynamic and in how their relationship is received by others.

honorary mentions: books about fucked up white women that are written by women of color who Know!!

Under the Pendulum Sun by Jeannette Ng is a Victorian alternate history in which the English discovered the fairy realm and promptly did what the English did, ie, sending missionaries to teach the fairies about Jesus. the novel follows a woman traveling to the fairy kingdom to look for her missing missionary brother and promptly going insane as fairies gaslight gatekeep girlboss from all sides, complete with a side of everyone's favorite gothic horror trope: repressed sibling incest!

My Nemesis by Charmaine Craig is another very lowkey and grounded example, comparatively, but I thought it was neat and worth a mention! it's told from the POV of truly insufferable white woman writer whose emotional affair with a philosopher gets thrown for a fucking loop by the philosopher's wife, an enigmatic Chinese woman whose motivation the MC cannot guess literally at all. it's not the most exciting read in the world but the reveals hit hard and the reveals at the end made me YELL.

also for short story collections by WOC that can bring the #yikes factor in big ways I heartily endorse Roxane Gay's Difficult Women and Carmen Maria Machado's Her Body and Other Parties.

I wish I had more to throw you here; please if anyone has something to add to this list I am LISTENING

[lady-byleth]

Sometimes, when I wanna make myself sad, I think about the High Cloud Quintet and especially about how Jing Yuan must've felt when it suddenly shattered around him

Like, Baiheng dying was already bad enough. But then Dan Feng and Yingxing ignored all possible taboos and consequences of breaking those taboos to bring her back, which ended in disaster. This made Jingliu put what came out of this down, which drove her to be struck by mara and she slaughtered Cloud Knights by the dozens.

And completely powerless to stop them Jing Yuan was forced to sentence Dan Feng, put down Jingliu even if it didn't stick, clean up the Baiheng mess while Yingxing disappeared with whatever was left of Shuhu corrupting him into the exact thing Lan is hunting. (I can't imagine he didn't eventually piece together what happened between Yingxing and Jingliu, he's smart enough to get the big picture through context clues). And his association with HCQ probably didn't do his reputation any favours either...

It's like they all simply forgot he existed in their grief and rage. They all focused on the one thing that went wrong, obsessed over it until shit really hit the fan, and didn't realize that there was still someone, their youngest, who needed them. That they, in this instance, needed each other as well. The whole thing may have gone down in history as Dan Feng's fault but honestly, it's those three clinging to the past while Jing Yuan was running around trying to keep the Luofu, no pun intended, on course

So he probably didn't even get the time to grieve properly before his friends fucked shit even more up while he was distracted

And now, the only one who doesn't hold a grudge, has been doing a job he doesn't like for literal centuries, has very few genuine relationships, shows little of his actual feelings, and they somehow still manage to wage their interpersonal wars on his back with no regard for how it affects him

Jingliu is like "okay imma settle shit for me now and then you can punish me too" while Dan Heng is just kinda there, trying to live his life (which he has a chance to do cuz Jing Yuan gave him that opportunity), and Blade is Blade.

Additionally, the Stellaron crisis happens and drags half his last back to the Luofu, Bailu's existence serves as a reminder for what he lost and how it all spiraled out of control...not to mention that the whole Alliance seems out to blame him for everything that goes wrong on the Luofu...

And don't misconstrue this as me disliking the other members of the HCQ, far from it, the tragedy of the whole situation is delicious to me and I don't blame them for what happened, even if it sounds like it.

I just have a lot of feelings about A-Yuan, alright, and most of them are very sad because he's very sad too.

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[grumfield]

Hey, I hope this isn’t too weird of a question but feel free to ignore. I noticed on your Star Wars ship chart you have obikin as your OTP but vaderwan only as “like”. Aren’t they the same characters? Why do you like one more than the other

Okay SO sorry for the late response to this I was mulling over how to articulate it.

Vaderwan as a sex/relationship dynamic is fun. For me it’s fun in the way like “grrr you’re mine slams you against the wall” dubcon is fun, but that’s really as compelling as it gets for me because I really don’t see a place in their relationship at that point where they could go beyond that until they’re force ghosts. Vaderwan dynamic to me kind of exists in a PWP-shaped vacuum. What if Tom & Jerry was about freaky sex instead. One-off erotic torture episodes.

This is because like, to kind of paraphrase an earlier response I gave, by the time Vaderwan is a thing they’ve both taken on the mantle of different identities (Ben and Vader respectively) and subsequently are no longer the people they were before. Their *past* selves that existed before the destruction of the Jedi have a very fraught history, but their current selves don’t look at each other with the same level of interpersonal history because Anakin is dead to Obi-Wan and vice versa (obviously this is just my interpretation) (I do actually view them as the same people but they don’t view themselves as the same people so they functionally aren’t)

Vaderwan as a non-actual ship or sex/romance concept is more compelling to me tbh.

The Deborah chow obi wan show does something interesting with this because it starts from a place of emotional inequality where obi-wan hasn’t gone full Ben yet and thinks he killed Anakin (thus Anakin like “still exists” even though he’s dead if that makes sense), so there’s this stilted quality where like, he’s still trying to interact with Anakin when he deals with Vader but doesn’t realize yet that he’s trying to interact with a ghost. Their fights are kind of reflective of this and then at the end after their final fight they both respectively embrace who they are. Sort of reflected in how obi wan just tells him bye and immediately leaves with no emotional reaction at all, then after that speaks about Anakin in the past tense for the first time before returning to the desert and being Ben, because Vader has just admitted to him that he needs to get with the program because Anakin is long gone and he’s chasing a memory. Vader’s thing with him has this Tom and Jerry feel to it while also this need less to capture him but more to try and make Obi-Wan see that Anakin isn’t there anymore/Anakin and Obi-Wan are not a thing anymore, they’re both dead.

Obi-Wan show is very gothic in that respect lol…vaderwan is very gothic and compelling to me as the tragic end rather than the place where they start their relationship or work it out

Truly the kings of compartmentalization! Easier to deal with all of this shit if you don’t view yourself as yourself.

Anyways favorite part obikin is the weird complicated ways that they fuck each other up and the knowledge of where it leads, and where it leads is like the catharsis for me + vaderwan is fairly straightforward and post-catharsis so it’s fun but not as insanity inducing for me! But I still enjoy it.

But this why my preferred post every event in ROTS Obikin fic is like “obi-wan is hallucinating anakin in the desert and going crazy” or other associated metaphysical stuff

ALSO to paraphrase what my friend said: Obi-Wan is very passive (in the books especially!) and doesn’t ever choose, he needs to be pursued. Anakin as Vader ultimately needs to be chosen, Obi-Wan will never be the one to chase so will never be the one to choose. And this is also very much an essence of it etc. adds to the tragedy but I wouldn’t have it any other way hehe

[lurkingshan]

Hi! I love reading your opinions and I have just started The Sign. What are your opinions on the show and what route are you hoping it would take for the second half of the show? Take care and happy new year!

Hello anon! You picked such an interesting moment to send this ask. We’re halfway through the show and I think its strengths and weaknesses have become fairly clear. Let's talk about it!

Strength: The Chemistry

I think this is the thing that had all the girlies losing it right out of the gate: Phaya and Tharn are hot and their interactions are hotter. The pull and chemistry between them is palpable and the set up for their romance is compelling. Kudos to whoever found Babe and decided to pair him with Billy: you, sir or madam, are incredible at your job and deserve a fruit basket. We are all dying for these two to finally fuck.

Weakness: The Pacing

Which is why it's kind of frustrating that the show is dragging its feet on letting their relationship advance. The first four eps were delicious tension-building, but as the show starts to stall and use dream sequence fakeouts to provide smut without actual relationship development, the audience is clearly getting antsy. The show's pacing is all over the place in general, with wildly varied episode lengths and inconsistent action and plot advancement from week to week. And the desire to drag out the romance without a compelling alternative plot to fill the show in its absence is causing some damage to the characters, most notably Tharn, who is just starting to seem unreasonably antagonistic to a person we know he likes, not to mention unperceptive in his continued inability to notice what is going on around him.

Strength: Production Values

This show is absolutely gorgeous; you can tell most of the money went into making every frame of it beautiful. The strength of the production values and hard work of the crew to create the look and feel of the world was evident from the first episode with all those beautiful training sequences on the beach. And this is used to particularly strong effect whenever we visit Phaya and Tharn's past lives and see the magical world that exists around them come to life.

Strength: The Supporting Cast

The show also has a great ensemble, with Yai especially a standout character who brings a lot of fun to the show, along with his girlfriend Sand and the police squad bros. This is not surprising, as big, messy, chaotic, endearing queer friend groups are an IdolFactory staple. As of last week, we officially have a lesbian side pairing! Tharn and Phaya also have interesting family histories with sweet grandmas and loved ones who lend depth to their characterization.

Weakness: The Copaganda

It was perhaps too much to expect that this bl about cops would have a more sophisticated perspective on law enforcement, institutional corruption, and the so-called "justice" system, but that does not stop me from groaning out loud every time they pause the story to let these characters wax poetic about the nobility of their jobs.

Strength: Thai Folklore

This show is teaching all of us some things about real Thai folklore about the garuda and nara, including local customs associated with celebrating these tales, and the depiction of these stories in the show is just beautiful. Despite it basically being a tourism advert (complete with couple shirts for no reason??), I really enjoyed the episode that took us to Nong Khai and the Mekong River to see how modern Thai folks interpret and celebrate the myths at the center of this show’s story and ground us in something real.

Weakness: An Underdeveloped Take on Toxic Masculinity

This show uses violence quite a lot in its story, including violence in interpersonal dynamics, and it sometimes seems to want us to be alarmed by uncontrolled male anger, and sometimes impressed by it. At this point, Tharn and Phaya have both struck each other in anger during personal disagreements, and there hasn't been any real reckoning with the fallout of that. On top of that, the show has given us some crime cases that highlight the harm of toxic masculinity while also seeming to glorify and revel in it, most notably in the framing of a man who kidnapped and retraumatized sexual assault victims as a hunky folk hero. It's a confused take, to say the least, and I'm not sure the show has the depth and precision necessary in the writing to take on some of what it's throwing at the wall.

Strength: Villains

All I can say is Heng was born to play an evil snake god. The show has done a good job at making him feel like a real threat and building the antagonism between him and Phaya to the point where Phaya has been isolated from support and made to look crazy in front of Tharn. Dr. Slow Motion is very good at this.

So, what's the TL; DR? This show is a lot of fun, but has some obvious weaknesses in the writing, so do your best not to take it too seriously if you can. I am ready to see Phaya and Tharn get together and finally start working as a team, for the full backstory and epic battle they are waging to come out, and for the motivations of the rest of the cast of characters to become clear (I just know there are some additional past life reincarnations waiting to be revealed). It's a great time if you don't think about it too hard, and I really hope the back half will pick up the pace so that we can all just enjoy the ride.

[box-architecture]

which are the aus You have more on your ming latetly?

A mixture of them!

I'm staring at the Dreambur AU I have (Strangers Vassal) and wondering if I should post what I had planned for it to look like. I'm struggling a lot with writing it, partially because I don't have a lot of people to bounce ideas off of, partially because it's an AU that would have a lot of fight scenes, something I don't have a lot of experience in and am unsure how to proceed with.

I really enjoy the concept of it, and I want to write for it, but it might once again turn into a bunch of shortfics in a series rather than the longfic I originally wanted. It's disappointing that I can't seem to consistently write longfics, but if I don't accept the limitation I might risk not getting anything done at all, and that's potentially more disappointing.

The Communication Knife AU is almost always on my mind. It's evolved from just pure demons and rotations to being a huge comfort that I can just idly think about throughout the day.

It's really neat, because I started out as a Dream-centric multishipper who wasn't sure if I could vibe with Punz and Sam closing the triangle, but after marinating in the idea, it's now really important to me that they become something too. They grow from two people fighting around their relationship with Dream to something based on trust and blunt honesty and Forgiveness Withoit Forgetting. They can be deeply affectionate with each other in a way thats different from their relationship with Dream. Not bad, not in a way that excludes him, just different.

The AU has also tentatively opened me up to exploring 2nd Gen characters, something I've literally never been capable of before. I have a lot of vague ideas for who gets together post-main story, and how those relationships works and why. Ponk/Foolish/XD is a ship for example, and I've designed a possible child for them? As well as designed Fooshs Totem children? It's always a maybe for if I actually want to give people kids, and it's not really the point of CKAU, it's just really fun to explore the rest of the smp in this sort of fix-it au and how it impacts their lives in the After of it all.

It's also helped me expand my Minecraft Lore and Worldbuilding Bible (how in my headcanon the mineacraft world works and its history/lore, including tying other media's like Hermitcraft and Maricraft to the dsmp to make everything part of the overall world.)

Writing CKAU post-story had also, ironically, made me enjoy benchtrio more, as I get to talk to my friends about their interpersonal dynamics and how they work and how they end up finally at peace. Especially considering Tubbo and Ranboo are bitterly divorced for a long time.

I had a lot of small ideas for a DNB Mass Effect AU in a similar vein to To Tear Asunder being my Dragon Age AU, but I feel really guilty getting into that when I haven't even finished the Philza fic or the Techno fic I have for the latter. I have significantly less people to bounce ideas off of for To Tear Asunder, which is why I struggle with it sometimes.

A lot of my writing in the beginning was done through utilizing my manic moods, but now that I'm better medicated/no longer constantly manic, it's led to me going a lot slower with writing. Demons (PWP stuff) are a lot easier to write, because they require significantly less scene set-up when I can use the sexual act as a template, and being horny-brained isn't particularly difficult.

(Also. No Plot Nessecary. Hence the Porn Without Plot. Plot is really exhausting to write sometimes.)

Obviously it's a lot better for my health that I'm no longer manic, but it's still disappointing that I can no longer work myself into a tizzy and write 30 pages of something (before collapsing and being unable to do anything at all for the next several days.) Give and take and all.

I briefly was very insane about Benchtrio fucking Dream in various ways. I made a whole Teacher/Student AU about it that's in my drafts, god willing I get my new laptop and can finish that up. I really enjoy CNC and bodice ripper type stuff, so it's pretty fun to explore crack AUs where Dream is just trying to be normal and the 3 most abnormal people in the world come into his life.

I'm not really a fan of the Tommy/Dream dynamic where Dream is preying on the Poor Helpless Child, especially because it has a habit of taking itself Very Seriously. I'm not looking for serious and dark and the villainization of Dream. It's a lot more fun for me to explore a strong, confident, and very tired 20-something desperately trying to figure out how to deal with the 17-18 year old being horny on main. Also it's just really interesting to me when the younger character takes advantage of normal social and power dynamics and subvert them so they can have the older character sub.

^I'm not sure if the explanation there is perfect or makes sense but I'm always happy to try to talk more about it if you'd like.

I have a little more of the Warden Hybrid!Dream type stuff in my head that I wanted to write out, mostly just a lot of Porn With Minimal Plot for purely kink reasons. I also have a Dream/Ravager fic I'm supposed to be posting, but God only knows when I can finish it. I need zoomies.

[ottiliere]

oh my goodness your dios.. what a delight to see someone so fully invested in phantom blood dio wow. i am very happy. i love your 3D dios. really makes me want to sculpt him as well

Do it... clay is cheap bake it in the oven paint with 10 dollar set of acrylics your life will never be better. I adore phantom blood Dio so very much... years ago saw someone coin the term “phantom blood purist” and it's so funny I think about it literally every time I enter a Dio cycle. There are many aspects that go into this preference of course, and upon a great amount of time pondering i can say confidently that this is because mainly that:

1) I love history (especially the fin de siècle) and I love thinking about him in relation to Victorian values/etiquette/sociology in general... there's something so special about a society that enabled such a gross disparity of wealth&poverty while being so inherently pretentious that its asinine etiquette rules would completely elude you unless you were raised in an aristocratic family or had access to etiquette books. Dio absolutely read a great amount of these before going to the Joestar mansion btw, even before his father snuffed it I think. God help him he would not be doomed to look like a slovenly ill-bred gamin if and when he needed to manipulate the upper classes. I really can't think of a way for him to have developed these skills enough to outclass Jonathan otherwise. god and like thinking about him as a barrister too with his profligate fashion sense you just KNOW he gets drawn that way into all of the court sketches that go in all the newspapers since everyone loved to read about crime and there were a million papers for this in England alone... he'd get caricatured so bad sometimes and he is NOT happy about this.

2) You can probably tell from my indifference to the rest of the parts (except sbr; I call this the "diego rule") that I'm not the biggest fan of fantastical elements and I'm much more interested in interpersonal conflict/relationships in general... PB is extremely unique to the rest of the series because for five WHOLE chapters absolutely nothing abnormal happens and we just get to see Dio harassing Jonathan and his girlfriend until Jonathan snaps and humiliates him so bad in beating him up that he makes Dio cry. and then Dio kills his dog. Like it's literally just some impoverished child abuse victim bullying a spoiled rich kid who wanted to be his friend because lalala sunshine daisies only knows what "poverty" is from reading Oliver Twist and has no conceptual understanding of what the real-world implications of that are. That was the character development that needed multiple chapters to develop it's so fucking awesome. like yeah I'd read an entire novel of just this alone happening and how it impacts their relationship as adults no vampirism needed. I reread "dio the invader" so frequently I'm surprised the spine of my jojonium copy isn't cracked at the exact endpoint of it. I just adore him interacting with Jonathan so much it's hard to remove him from that… that's his FOIL... all the stories (some "AUs") I make with Dio involve the way he and Jonathan gravitate each other to some degree. we get the clearest view of who he is in the face of someone who is the polar opposite of himself. 🤯

2) This iteration of him is the closest degree of separation he has from his "humanity" (childhood), thus

3) I find him to be the most interesting, endearing, etc., version of him walking around, given that... well. behaviors stem from somewhere... the thematic & active severance of himself from a species he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with due to the way he adapted to help him tolerate his childhood... from his point of view I can't imagine that there is one convincing reason for him to continue being human after given the opportunity to deviate from it (despite likely still being inebriated when he vamped himself — very much an impulsive decision since he had, what, an hour or two to think that through? drunk?). If everyone's underneath him, yes, after the fact the choice seems extremely fitting. Maybe he'll cultivate a vast swathe of worshippers and disciples that obey his every command. Maybe he'll rule the world. And then, maybe, he will start to feel genuinely content for the first time in his life. But probably not. That's the drawback of having something fundamentally missing from within you.

4) He lacks a certain type of introspective awareness that 100 years alone in a box might enable him to develop... he's very animalistic to me and possesses a precarious/immature/nonexistent grasp on his emotions just given the fact that he exhibits enraged outbursts from perceived ego wounds (in both childhood and adulthood) + struggles with alcoholism due to an incapacity to self-soothe any sort of negative emotion that makes it past the self-aggrandizing filter he can't help but see life through; he really isn't in conscious control of anything happening inside of him despite needing control over everything and everyone so he can get exactly what he wants, and deserves, always. PB paints a very dim and pathetic view of his character by allowing us to see when he's most "vulnerable", which is the thing he likely hates being the most, so getting to see scenes where he's walking around publicly intoxicated and disparaging himself for acting like his father (implied: again), who he hates, and attacking men with a wine bottle for evoking the concept of his mother, who he also kind of hates but lacks the cognizant cogency to dissolve whatever cognitive dissonance is causing this mental incongruence, rules. he rules

tl;dr SDC dio is "iconic" but I feel like he misses a lot of the charm he had in part one, removed from the context of the society that had such rigid social boundaries and rules of decorum, in addition to his maladaptive approach to interpersonal relationships, his substance abuse issues, his humbling foil... he's too "cool" for me. In the end SDC dio is simply not my Dio... he is someone else's Dio. And that's okay.

[macawritesupdates]

Have you ever read Gideon the ninth? I'm reading it for the first time, and for some reason, the relationship between the two main characters reminds me so much of your sukuita. Like damn if harrow was tall and buff with a big ass she and sukuna could be mistaken for twins they're both emotionally repressed super powerful nerds who love decorating with bones. They're both obsessed with and paired up with a slightly horny charismatic jock with so much repressed trauma and kicked puppy energy, which drives them to become badass as they cope with the horrors through humor. The jock in question is also completely unwilling to bow and kiss their partners ass despite differing power levels and social standing, they take no shit and give as good as they get. I think that this might just be the greatest relationship dynamic of all time. I am eating up your fics and gtn. I really just love the way you write sukuita. I could read a thousand fics with the two of them and not get bored if you were the author. You're so good at writing them as complicated people while still keeping them funny. They're so human. I really love how you bring them to life they never feel like cardboard cut outs or dolls in any of your fics you always give them so much depth that it feels like they both have a rich internal life. I also love how that same rich internal life complicates things for them they aren't perfect people who have mastered therapy speak they're very fucked up emotionally but that's what makes them interesting and loveable. I am always rooting for them to learn to understand themselves and each other better by the end of the fic and I love the growth they have to go through to get there. The way you write sex is also good but the moments that gut me are all the little interpersonal things like In historically inaccurate when yuuji realized that the sukuna of the past was able to thrive in their relationship because yuuji was the one to take the lead and show him how oof that was devastatingly beautiful to me. Anyway, that turned into a longer ramble than I had intended, and if I don't cut myself off I'll be here all day typing out my favorite parts of your writing haha.

I have not read that novel but it sounds interesting c: I haven't had as much time to read as I used to which is a major regret of mine ; w ; Usually when I'm reading, it is mostly research things, like write now reading about world history and politics 83;;

But I'm really glad and honored you like how I write! I LOVE to write and have been writing stories since I was a small thing, especially in fandoms! I just like to speculate about characters and step into them for a bit and I've really enjoyed my time writing JJK fanfic <3

I think what has helped my writing is that I LOVE to RP. When I get a good RP partner, I love to play with angst and fluff and one of my core ideas of RP is no character is perfect and every character has their form of baggage. Yuuji and Sukuna individually have so much to explore, same with Megumi and Nobara, just things I don't think the canon will ever let us get into, so gives us fanfic writers room to explore so much <3

Again, thank you for the comment, I was very touched reading it ; w ;

[soul-dwelling]

I wonder if the "war arc ending" thing used allways to be the case in shonen. From Naruto to MHA to OP in the future and even partly Soul Eater with the whole clone army thing - guess its a logical conclusion of ever growing stakes and powerlevels, spectacles that need to leap over all what came before.

Naruto may not have needed to be a war--but then again, you have villages in territorial disputes, inspired by the history of ninjas used in warfare, so it's kind of hard to avoid that as a plot trope.

Same with One Piece: it's a pirate story, it has a navy, it has a world government, it's kind of hard not to bring up war.

MHA is divisive for me. Superhero stories don't strictly have to be war stories. And I'd too sour to treat the ongoing war arc(s) well, as I can't believe how badly the Pro Heroes dropped the ball on all of this (not preparing enough, not enough heroes, not having more contingency plans, somehow just letting Re-Destro or, rather, his clone, show up at their offices and not having a plan to contain him before he killed someone).

Superheroes have been in war stories (they have been used repeatedly to drum up support for war efforts). But that's not quite how MHA went about it...

...Although, given the post-January 6 2021 climate we're in in the US, I end up looking at the war arcs and realizing, "Ah, okay, this is what happens when you have some really evil fuckers doing fucked up shit to government officials--and a government too incompetent or so destroyed from internal rightwing forces that it can't respond in time, got it."

To its credit, maybe Fire Force ending without a war exactly, or saving the final moments for mostly talking it out and re-directing any action scenes not to a fight but the action film equivalent of painting a blank landscape was more creative....and that is about the nicest thing I can say about Fire Force compared to all the other series I just mentioned above.

I don't get why Soul Eater ended with a war arc. I can accept that Ohkubo had in mind a fight against Asura and Crona planned far in advance, to have them be the titular soul eater.

But Asura had since faded away for so long. Who cares that we now have him confronted finally?

And even when considering that Justin and the Clowns had been popping up for awhile, what actually were they accomplishing? What was Asura's goal here? Did he just want to be left alone? Was he planning to bathe the world in madness to get back at dear old dad? That arc felt like it needed more build-up: showing an actual set of steps Justin and the Clowns were following would have helped, having Asura appear in one other arc and actually doing something in that arc to hamper the DWMA would help, foreshadowing earlier that Asura had something in common with Death and Kid would have helped.

Otherwise, the war arc to me felt like an action figure fight: "Here's my Maka Albarn action figure, here's my Crona action figure, I'm going to knock them into each other for a fight before I just have them kiss and make up."

I'm not ignoring what good these war arcs can do. Bakugo finally apologizes to Izuku. We see Black Star come into his own. We say goodbye to Lord Death. All of that works. But nothing about those strike me as needing a war to make them happen.

And that's not even getting into when your war story is more like a GI Joe story rather than a response to actual real-life wars, assuming a silly fantasy story is going to handle such a response well. (See the odd Iraq invasion reference by Kid in that one chapter.)

If you're going to do the war to raise the stakes, fine, that can work. As I said, the stakes going up so that Bakugo is finally forced to apologize and Black Star gets to vomit up a laser--that all is fine. I guess what I want is a war arc emerging out of the characters' arcs and their interpersonal relationships. Is Toga's internalized trauma exploding out in a sea of Twice really needed for a war arc? Does that work at giving closure to how she regards Twice, the League, Ochaco, and Izuku? I don't think so, it seems unfocused with so much other stuff going on. Endeavor versus Dabi? Sure, that seems more suitable. Whatever is going to happen in a fight between Izuku, Shigaraki, All Might, and All For One? I guess that is inevitable.

But these are individual battles, not what I consider to be part of a larger war. Wars, I tend to think, are long-lasting affairs, small battles, insurgencies, isolated instances that foment more discord, weaken one side, lead to more desperate measures. You want an actual war arc? Watch DS9. I don't see it happening with the examples mentioned earlier, not in a more strict definition of "war."

About the only time I think the looser definition of a "war" worked was in something like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003, Season 5--where it's just, "Hey, we need to grab every last single character, hero or villain, we have ever met in this series, to work together for a final attack on the Shredder--because if he wins, all of us, hero or villain, are dead." The stakes are that large that we call that a "war," even when it's just one final attack, not a long set of battles. Sure, it's fanservice--but it was a hell of a good amount of earned fanservice.

Or, maybe war arcs suck. If you're going for spectacle, just go for a tournament as your finale, like the Cell Games in DBZ or in Yuyu Hakusho.

[lurkiestvoid]

So I haven't really said anything about this to anyone except my wife yet because I'm a notorious flake and 'tell ppl abt ur projects so u feel compelled to finish them' has the opposite effect on me and I didn't wanna jinx myself

But anyways, unimportant but still newsy: a Project of mine is shaping up into something kinda cool.

For the last two months I have been working on a tightly-knit series of Dragon Age fics that spans all my Heroes and companions over a minimum of 25 years, intricately weaving a custom world state, with prologues and drabbles and everything else I want in my personal canon, leading up to and including Veilguard (once I get my hands on it, anyway -- I have a decent outline for it already though) and beyond. I've been doing it for myself, but I'm having so much fun I wanna throw it up on AO3 when it's polished a bit.

I have never done anything like this before nor gotten so far into it so I'm really psyched about it! I've written fic, sure, and gotten decent reception, but it's been rare and tiny; I've written original fic, but usually got stuck a few chapters in and abandoned it. This shit is coming out sideways as one whole entire baby and it is as surprising as it is painfully life-changing.

More about The Project under the cut.

The Prologues fic will cover everyone pre-Origins, eventually, or later/younger characters before their official appearances. Then, there are four Main Fics, one for each O/2/I/V, I haven't yet decided if I'll split them up or run it as the massive interconnected beast it really is. ...I also have some derivative 'original' fic loosely planned for after a 100+yr time skip but that's separate There will certainly be plenty of smut in a variety of combinations and relationships, buuuut I think I'm going to post all that together as its own separate semi-canon drabbles fic just to keep things tidy and because I do have a kid who is soon to be unleashed on the internet who is already begging for AO3 i might post it under a secondary account

There will be many playlists.

General idea: The world of Thedas and both major and minor plotlines become massively but reasonably Changed by player choices, character deaths, character survivals, and by continual involvement of the Heroes and their companions and allies, in some form or fashion. 'Alternative' player-character Wardens/Inquisitors/Rooks survive the character creator screen, at least for a while. Chapters mostly explore the "in between" scenes of relationships, personal and interpersonal growth, shenanigans, minor events and conflicts, the intricacies of sociopolitics, processing the Horrors, and with major/familiar plot points told from interesting perspectives or other changes, or skimmed for brevity. No "party sizes" we adventure as a group, occasionally splitting into teams to delegate or pinch; this, too, changes some things. Filling in plot/lore holes and probably making new ones, but all for fun. And because Bioware is fucking terrified of children, apparently (I refuse to believe virtually zero children have any affect on half a century of history or really any lore at all, nor that 60%+ of all the Big Names aren't constantly fucking nasty style throughout the halls of power and the alley slums alike) there will be plenty of kids running around and mucking things up for everyone, adorably or otherwise, and explorations of tons of different family types. (Kieran matters again. So does Feynriel, and Connor, and the like 2-3 other kids we ever see across games. Now plus gaggles of baby OCs, sprinkled throughout)

Total rough-draft notes word count is currently sitting over 300k. My "notes" generally consist of bulleted list summaries and quick word-vomit snippets while sitting in traffic so I don't forget ideas, and a few 3k-12k rough draft chapters. I recently moved into my first major editing phase, which will take a few weeks, then I'll do a second writing phase to fill in gaps, straighten out details, rewrite scenes, etc, and a second editing phase where I repeatedly reread and hunt typos/dangling participles/whatever. And then I'll start feeding it chronologically to AO3, one chapter at a time, once a week for like a whole fucking year or three

It's... uh, big. Big project. Massive. Why am I doing it? I don't know but I am VISCERALLY COMPELLED to do this, I have not been in control of my actions for like two months and the consistent high rate at which this has poured out of me has been MIND-BOGGLING to experience. I have been possessed by whichever spirit of Inspiration finally gave up on George R R Martin, is my best guess. But hey, if it works, which is seems to be working VERY FUCKING WELL, I'm going to use this exact formula to plow through years of abandoned novel ideas.

OH AND I'm going to be doing fanart the whole time, both of canon and fanon characters. Dustin off the lil Wacom and getting back to work. I'm going to start taking commissions again also (not just yet) and maybe start a BlueSky for that I guess. So, uh. Yay productivity? But if anyone is interested in beta reading or has art requests, hit me up and I'll start putting out sometime probably after xmas lol

[llycaons]

ep 25 (pt 3): MOM HOLY FUCK

I didn't want to screencap every single thing jyl said during her epic takedown, but I couldn't help myself. I think I missed like, three lines. but it was so thrilling I was back and rewatched the entire scene again. after episodes of watching wwx be disrespected, and knowing his history with myu, and knowing later how important being publicly supported is to him, this scene...wow. take it away, queen

IT BEGINS

oh and there's sect leader yao nosing in to give HIS unwanted opinion. look at her face lmao. and does he only have one set of robes? is he wearing the same thing to the night hunt as to the victory banquet? wow, embarassing. anyway, back to jyl murdering jzx in broad daylight

HE DID!!! AND IT WAS HARD!!

cut to wwx, clearly deeply impacted by this affirmation of their bond

RESPECT MY BROTHER OR SO HELP ME

HE'S WITH US!!! WE'RE HIS FAMILY AND HIS HOME!! AND IF YOU'RE RUDE TIO HIM YOU OFFEND ME AND ALL OF THE JIANGS!!!

and fuck, isn't this kind of acceptance and belonging something wwx has wanted for so long? isn't this one of the things that hurt him so badly to lose, and something he craves when he comes back? having a home, a community, belonging somewhere, having people ready to stick up for him and affirm their connection with each other in no uncertain terms. in the face of cruelty and disrespect, given the ife he's lives, of course that means a lot to him. it means everything, especially now

and madam jin still trying to keep this quiet, be a good girl and move along miss jiang, let the men go about their business and don't interfere. and jyl says absolutely not, this is important to me and I care about my brother and I will have an apology

this isn't something jc could have done for him, for many reasons, and it's one of the reasons that their relationship just doesn't have the same affection or stability as jyl and wwx's does, or lwj and wwx's does postcanon. in fact, I'd argue that jyl and wwx have a much stronger (and definitely healthier and more mutual loving) relationship than jc and wwx. because…idk, jyl was able to love wwx absolutely unconditionally, she wasn't hampered as much by a terrifying mother, a negligent father, and the pressures of leading the sect, and she never let her insecurities or her pain spill over into physical or even emotional attacks. she never made her problems wwx's problems, and she never blamed him for existing and being more liked/more skilled than she was. he definitely wasn't honest with her about everything,' but he was able to be more open and vulnerable with her than he could have been with jc. I can't imagine wwx going to jc to ask tearfully if LP was his fault…and jc would probably say it was. after all, he tried to strangle him about it and holds it over his head DECADES later. I wish jyl had the been the one to survive but ig that would have been a significantly less fraught story

I just think being safe around someone and being able to express your fear and pain and vulnerability is a really important part of having any kind of functional and healthy relationship, and it's really sad that circumstance and personality made that impossible for jc and wwx

omg poor jgy comes in like :) what's wrong, honored guests? and madam jin is such a bitch to him!

THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT. he has committed many crimes but he wasn't to blame for ANY of this. and how could he tell what was going on immediately by coming in? it was a really specific set of events that just went down involving people whose interpersonal dynamics he probably barely knows

you know you're acting like a real piece of shit when sect leader yao has to tell you to calm down

wwx and jyl are not seen as siblings by the rest of the cultivation world, probably because jfm never formally adopted him. (WHY???? bc of myu??), regardless jyl stands firm even in the face of accusations that he's dangerous and will bring trouble. something her mother always said, too. but jyl loves her little brother and she's not about to abandon him like everyone else. and she doesn't not even at the very end, she loved him so much she sacrificed her LIFE for him god I feel ill

a lot of conversation around whether jc and wwx see each other as brothers, which is probably not the case in the book based on some meta posts I've read about it. it's a little hazier here but I def see them as brothers and I'm still really skeeved out by ppl who ship them. there's way too much gray area and oh yeah, they have the same sister

back to jzx being a complete loser. madam jin trying to ger jyl to come along and her deferring politely until madam jin snaps at her son and he YELLS THIS in front of a massive crowd of sect leaders and disciples and then he runs away in shame I'm DYING god he's so fucking funny

and this scene! wwx is so polite to madam jin and she just ignores him! I refuse to believed jyl would have married jzx if he was still shitty to her brother (and/or homophobic) but there is no saving the rest of his family. girl why'd you marry in 😭

but I read a fic once (the simplest step forward or whatever the shit it was called) where jzx was this drunken, crass, homophobic lout and I was DYING because even if jyl had married a guy who was aggressively homophobic to her brother (she wouldn't) THAT'S STILL NOT HIS PERSONALITY AT ALLLL he's an awkward and well-meaning rich kid who extended genuine kindness to his illegitimate half-brother, uses formality to cover his true feelings, personally dug a lotus pond so the girl he liked would be less homesick if they got married, and died trying to prevent his cousin and future brother-in-law from killing each other. he had a shitty phase as a teenager but he's a good dude as an adult! and he does have dad energy, I agree with that one post

uh oh! wwx removing jc's hand from his arm! hopefully this isn't a heavily symbolic gesture the last time they truly see each other as allies

jc getting SO mad here because his pride is injured...wwx being so good at things is never something he'll be able to swallow easily, but he's letting his feelings get in the way of the fact that this makes the jiang clan stronger and if he supports and embraces wwx's abilities...idk, maybe nothing would have changed. but jgy did have a point all those years later. if wwx had stayed with the jiangs, perhaps the jins would invent an excuse to attack. I don't have a ton of faith in the nies and lans to go against them. regardless, he could have responded to this better. those anger issues...

[perihealing]

god there's something big in here about building my own attachments out in the world. like i basically moved to this city along with a group of 6 or so other people that i knew through my ex partner from my lil island community, and we stuck together. i fell in with this group and i love them and they are a valued and beautiful part of my life but i didnt find them on my own, and as much as i've known them for over 7 years it's taken this long for me to relax as much as i have with them. and in a lot of ways i think us all living in the city together has meant we havent struck out into knowing this place and people better in the six to seven years we've all lived here. i value the sense of community and loyalty and care for one another, even if things get fucked up and weird sometimes (i dunno, these guys have history that's longer than i've known them and sometimes interpersonal stuff gets muddy but people still show up for each other. queer lil island community holds together). that's a beautiful thing i think we have.

but now i'm building new relationships in this city and they're relationships i'm pursuing myself and that does make it different, somehow. i'm building what feels like is growing into such deep and loving friendships and they're with people i think are just completely stunning as human beings!! they're new people and it's showing me new facets of myself. parts show up in different ways.

i love my gang of islanders i really do. i think having them be my only social connections has been bad for me and i'm excited to step out into my own a little more, gain some more social independence and flexibility. figure out what kind of new person i am around new people. be really, really scared of the things that will change me and help me grow.

[itrin]

damien gorham/owen green

[cracks knuckles and digs out a pan and a spoon] fine, I guess I'll have to feed myself.

my ideas about damien gorham/owen thompson, a (massively) rarepair ship:

I haven't listened to nor do I know anything about the AM Archives so disclaimer

criminal bf with upstanding citizen bf is something I die for

Damien's grumpy, wet racoon vibe paired with owen's golden retriever energy is so, so compelling to me

like I love damien with all my heart but this man is a pathetic and wet and Owen is better is most aspects and the two of them together fulfills my heart

this grumpy, growling man with [insert negative integer] social skills, no interpersonal skills, and no good and healthy relationships to speak of ever paired with a chipper, financially stable man who is used to atypical people and situations , is emotionally stable and embedded in a shitty institution but tries his best to be as morally upstanding as he can -- good food to consume

ik in the beginning damien despised agent green for his history with Joan but I take that to be more childish possession than any actual feelings of attraction towards Joan, like "this is my friend u cant be friends with them" elementary playground type beat and ik owen was/is in love with joan but we can just ignore that here, does not register and is not perceived thank u very much

,maybe its ooc bc tbs is not fresh in my memory

okay so aus i've fumbled around with in my head (long paragraphs ahead):

after owen gives damien money on the street and damien finds out from Wadsworth that green actually lives on the other side of the city (damien interacting with Owen here and all of damien's interactions with Wadsworth is A+ imo), damien decides to stalk green bc he hates being lied to, hates not knowing shit and being outta the loop and also he's very curious. so he stalks him and then he blinks and suddenly greens gone?? just disappeared and Damien's glancing around trying to spot him and then turns around and Owen is fucking standing right behind him -- the professional creep got out-stalked by a golden retriever and Owen, in a gesture of goodwill, invites damien into his house for tea ig?? damien does bc he's deeply unsettled that someone got the drop on him without being atypical, and there's a violin in owen's house bc he's been meaning to learn and damien, for reasons unknown to him, offers to teach him and Owen readily accepts bc its a chance for damien to learn how to interact positively with human beings and Wadsworth is aware and likes having green keep a physical eye on damien. ANYWAYS DAMIEN TEACHES OWEN AND HE HAS TO STAND ON HIS TIPTOES BEHIND HIM (damien gives off short guy energy I dont make the rules) AND HE LEANS AGAINST HIS BACK AND HOLDS HIS FINGERS OVER OWEN'S TO GUIDE HIM INTO THE PROPER POSITION!!!!!!!! screaming its domestic and cute and they're both so dismayed like "im falling for him?? of all people...okay ig... :/"

phone conversation au??? Wadsworth passes off the duty of calling damien in the morning onto Owen and at first its short calls to receive updates and keep proper tabs but eventually its grows longer and damien tells him stuff like what he's cooking, how he learned to cook, his recipes and how he learned them, and Owen describes his day-to-day paperwork and stuff, his own house, what he's cooking and they both complain about stuff like laundry piles or the streaks left when u mop the floors (its initiated either by damien complaining and grumbling about something trivial and mundane or Owen hearing the sounds of sizzling and asking what's cooking); eventually it gets into deeper stuff like respective childhood trauma and each of them feels seen and heard by the other and idk they meet up once in a while for "dates" that they dont admit are dates. Wadsworth gets suspicious, Joan bright gets suspicious, mark gets suspicious -- idk but conflict comes and tests their new and unexpected relationship and either it breaks or it holds (fingers crossed for the latter)

damien having a panic attack bc he saw or thought he saw his Parents on the sidewalk and collapses shaking against green's door or just randomly on green's route; OR damien crawls bleeding into green's house thru a window he jimmied open after getting beat up yet again in a manipulation-gone-wrong-moment but either way Owen is left with the task of taking care of a physically and mentally vulnerable damien, a damien with no defences, no walls, just raw emotion and honesty and this inside peek into damien gorham is enough for Owen to ~fall in love~

damien is kept by the AM like how mark was, to be experimented on and he either guilts or goads Owen into delivering some news from the outside and this leads to them talking some more about random stuff until eventually Owen falls in love, recruits someone (mark or sam idk probs mark) to break damien out and idk they run away together, forever moving on the run from the AM and wadsworth and its what damien is used to?? ig he finally gets the roadtrip of his dreams?? owen insists on visiting the giant ball of twine

id say this last au is purely self-indulgent but literally everything in this post is anyways damien got the powers beaten outta him and after some lost meandering, eventually sets up a house for himself somewhere remote-ish (maybe its ithaca, maybe somewhere else) and ends up taking in a rejected atypical kid on the run, abandoned by their family, and damein knows all about being alone as a child so yeah he takes 'em in. and then another kid comes, same circumstances, rejected by family, friends and the world and hurting and alone. then another kid, and another until eventually its like the Gorham Home for Runaway Atypical Kids Or Something — he has his hands and house full of kids that need a home and someone to understand them and accept them for whoever and whatever they are no judgement. idk specifically how it'll work but green reaches out and develops a kind of professional "business" relationships where kids are exchanged between the Gorham Home and the AM (like if the AM cant "handle" or if the kids wants institutional help idk but Damien absolutely does not give them up unless the kid themselves want to leave) and ofc damien calls during owen's off-hours bc he wants to check up on the kids he sends him and does not give a shit about his hours so damien has to listen to background noise of Owen cooking or doing laundry (spicy: damien calls when owen's masturbating and there's a lotta ways this scene could go down) and yeah

i have so many thoughts about them...and so should everyone im clinging onto them like a raft

[veliseraptor]

I’m curious, what’s your favorite Calamity moment? (Bonus, finale moment?)

(this ask pushing me another dangerous step closer to rewatching and do I have time for that? no I do not. I have so many other things to watch/read. are odds good I'm going to end up rewatching anyway in the next month or so? yeah unfortunately)

but anyway! can I just write Episode Four Fucked Me Up and leave it at that? cause Episode Four Fucked Me Up. but to try to get a wee more granular about it and include some other stuff also, in no particular order and almost certainly forgetting a whole lot of stuff

the opening with zerxus's dream sequence. like. what a way to kick shit off??? what a way to start this fucking story. like, right off the bat we were all in and it made the whiplash change to the careless decadence of the Age of Arcanum at large even better, like...fucking cinematic, damn

speaking of which: the careless decadence of the (elite during the) Age of Arcanum as exhibited in that party scene in the first episode. the casual, almost thoughtless use of magic. the atmosphere that felt very...real, of a world that doesn't know it's doomed because of course it doesn't, a group of powerful people at the top of the world who think they can do anything. who know they can do anything, in a lot of ways. love that in a narrative like this one where you know it's all going to go crashing down.

this is a smaller one but: vespin chloras jumpscare at the end of episode one yes - that was impeccably done and after the bit at the opening of the episode so nicely placed to mark a transition from aforementioned decadent party time to "oh shit it's starting." cerrit annihilating an invisible betrayer god cleric on a perception check 31 or whatever it was was also pretty choice

placing it here but I really could put it anywhere: loquatius and laerynn's...everything. in general I love laerynn very much, was legitimately surprised to come online and see people who apparently don't? but anyways. this dynamic was just so good, played so well and I really bought the history between them, and they sold me on a tragic love story in the course of four episodes. which is impressive! and with a m/f pairing no less.

(not that I would say no to patia/laerynn. in fact I would say yes to it. but that's immaterial)

related to this: in general the interpersonal dynamics of the cast as an established group of friends was impeccable. I really bought that these people all knew each other and had this whole background and history together before we stepped into it - and I feel like that's an impressive thing for a group of people to just jump into and do, even knowing that the character building process was collaborative. selling that as a single writer is its own work; managing it with six people in an improv setting? I'm impressed.

okay you know this one: the entire zerxus and asmodeus conversation at the end of episode 2. god am I always going to be a sucker for a fallen angel narrative and the one asmodeus was spinning...and look I know what luis said about the father/son relationship but hoo boy. (and also thinking a lot about the fact that asmodeus here never indicates any regret or remorse, as far as I remember. frustration and unhappiness, yes; but I don't think he ever actually says anything about feeling he was wrong. and I feel like I see people talking about this conversation in ways that suggest he was trying to get zerxus to believe that he was going to repent; I think, on the contrary, it might be more accurate to say he was seeing if zerxus would make the mistake he does.)

laerynn casts blight.

people have already written a lot about how much it is that with all of the talk about laerynn's hubris and pride, it's her love for her friends that breaks the world. and that's a lot. but also just the potency of her anger and grief and loss that all comes up in this scene at the arboreal calix is so powerful. and just the way what came afterward played out....fuck

the interminable first second. like. damn! damn!!! I've really got nothing there except how much everything was happening so much and how well done that stretched-time effect played out in a way that didn't feel draggy or forced. sometimes it's hard in D&D to remember the distinction between combat time and real time and how fast things are happening, but by slowing that moment down paradoxically it gave a visceral sense of how fast things were happening. and also just. ouch.

"do you think your arm is weakest at the shoulder or the elbow"

the fuckin. "you're trying to atone me but I did nothing wrong" line. the "I was right" line followed by face-ripping-off. impeccable. amazing. look I have a lot of feelings about what this series was doing with redemption and betrayal and I think it's all too complicated for me to hash out right now but all that aside like. something very sexy about a fallen god absolutely convinced that everyone else is wrong, actually, and hates nothing more than people thinking that they should ask for forgiveness. and also just. the sheer "OH FUCK" of that moment, too. not like you don't know it's coming in some form but

“Now, I’ll tell you why I spit on your forgiveness; I’ll tell you why I loathe your redemption. To reach a hand down to somebody, they need to be BENEATH YOU!” on the floor like patia por'co, deceased. I mean, everything about this whole exchange between asmodeus and zerxus, obviously, this shit is catnip to me, but like. fuck!!! what a line!

ceritt sending his kids away broke me. look, I'm not generally a kids person, I'm really not, I'm not generally a parents-with-their-kids person, but hit me with that "why is your ring glowing" and I was fucking gone. not that I wasn't already but like. more. again.

loquatious's last broadcast. speaking of things that had me weeping openly! the whole thing, start to finish. rip my fucking heart out. I'm getting the i'm gonna cry feeling thinking about it. what a scene. what a glorious character moment. I'm upset

nydas's "organizational restructuring." yes I am aware I'm just listing like everything that happened in the latter half of episode four here but so sue me about it.

nydas killing zerxus as his final act. "killing someone you love as mercy/kindness" is a thing that will always make me suffer and also I love because of how much it makes me hurt, and this was so beautifully done.

"Are you, all of you, the heroes you strove to be, or the villains that from time to time you might have been afraid you were becoming. In a world with this much power, what can be said to be the difference?" WELL THANKS FOR THAT AS IF I WASN'T FEELING ENOUGH ALREADY

honestly the entire ending monologue from brennan was like. repeated knives to the chest and I was grateful for the privilege

look. like. the entire last three hours that I watched, sobbing in my living room. Episode Four Fucked Me Up. please excuse me while I go and restart episode one.

[topquarkintown]

Ok but hear me out....The Secret History is a 1970s shojo manga

So I’m kinda joking here but actually I’m kinda not like The Secret History is actually structurally identical to a 1970s shojo manga, like:

- Takes place in an vaguely 20th century academic setting for rich people and is equal parts about aestheticizing the setting and exposing its dark side - Hapless and relatably dopey protagonist transfer student stumbles into a cool club of older, mysterious students and uncovers staggering levels of fucked-up interpersonal drama between them while also crushing on all of them?? This is literally just the plot of The Heart of Thomas - Hightly Internal psychodrama about murders happening at a school which snowballs tragically because of the absolutely heinous interpersonal dynamics of the main characters, as well as the individual psychological houses of cards they’ve built based on their impressions of each other - All characters except for the protagonist are either Darkly Handsome or Otherworldly And Blonde and dress in exceedingly sumptuous 1970s fashion - Obsessed with the question of Beauty, and exploring the dissonance of juxtaposing elegant Romantic aesthetics and the ugliness and violence of interpersonal relationships - Undeniably homoerotic in a female-gaze sort of way, but its queerness is never really unpacked (definitively queer characters end up dead and queer-in-subtext-only characters end up in straight relationships)

Like this book could straight up have been written by Moto Hagio or Riyoko Ikeda.

Idk what my point is here. Maybe it’s that the dark academia people and the shojo manga people should be talking to each other more and realize that they are actually on about the exact same shit. Maybe it’s that I want a shojo adaption of The Secret History. Actually, if I had a billion dollars, I would purchase the comic adaptation rights to The Secret History and give them to Moto Hagio just to see what she would do with them. I want to live in that world.