#the internet is scary! but more often it's annoying lol

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey so idk if you would know this but where did the term canyon in reference to Izzy fans come from? I feel like I just started seeing it like three days ago but everyone seems to already know what it means

lol so disclaimer that this ask has been in my inbox since september 23rd and alsoooo i might not be the best person to ask bc i am belothed by many who consider themselves part of the izzy canyon (which is their right). so if you asked an izzy fan about this you would probably get a different answer. also from what i can tell the term originated on twitter and i don’t go there.

the tl;dr that i heard secondhand from someone who identifies as izzy canyon is that at some point last year (summer or fall-ish i think) a lot of izzy fans were blocking so many people who didn’t like izzy that a lot of them ended up being unaware of general fandom trends and it became a running joke among them that izzy fans were isolated from the rest of the fandom in an "izzy canyon." and then allegedly the term expanded to just mean "if ur not a dick abt ppl liking izzy u can be in the canyon." THAT BEING SAID there are other ppl who had a very different experience with how "the canyon" originated and what kind of fan space it tends to be.

(slightly longer explanation below)

the thing with The Canyon is that to understand its origin and also why some fans have a problem with it, you gotta know two things:

there are annoying puriteen anti types on the internet who think liking certain characters make you a bad person. from what i can tell theyre mostly on twitter and tiktok. these people are annoying but also in my experience they're usually pretty easy to block and ignore.

the popularity of izzy hands is disproportionate to his narrative role in the show, and the popular fanon interpretation of izzy hands casts him not only as a principal character but as a much more sympathetic, righteous character than he is in canon. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I THINK ANYONE IS A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING IZZY. this DOES mean that i think ppl who think ed is izzy's domestic abuser are wrong. and also this is part of an age old fandom trend of fandom favoring a masc white guy who is often a side character and also often an antagonist.

so from what i can tell. in the early days of the ofmd fandom (spring-summer 2022) there was a lot of #1 going around on twitter, screaming about how if you liked izzy hands then you're a racist abuse apologist or something. at one point a throwaway account tweeted a callout for a popular izzy fan and said "we know they live in this area and work for this company, so these are the locations where they might work. everyone should call these numbers and tell their job to fire them. also we're gonna target these izzy fans next" and like, obviously this account was pretty quickly taken down. but it was a pretty scary thing and left a lot of izzy fans pretty paranoid, hence the blocking everyone who didnt like izzy.

(there was also a "izzy hater group chat" twitter account that was literally just a small group of mostly minors posting memes and also abt izzy that got accused of being connected to that whole mess. but afaict those guys have nothing to do with harassment of izzy fans they just dont like izzy)

so the thing is now that all of that has been used to justify shutting down any type of conversation about #2, or writing off anyone who posts meta about izzy that isnt like, "he works so hard and is so unappreciated despite everything he's done for ed" as an "izzy anti." analyzing izzy critically and posting this in the #izzy hands tag on tumblr is likened to genuine harassment.

oh lol and speaking of harrasment: there was also a problem with ppl on tumblr getting anon hate, and izzy fans will tell you that the anon came from an izzy hater who was targeting izzy fans bc the anon messages use "izzy critical rhetoric." however as someone who has posted "izzy critical" metas or whatever, i have actually gotten the same harassing messages accusing me of being an izzy stan and a racist abuse apologist. that's not what a targeted harassment campaign looks like. that's all been less of a problem ever since tumblr made it so you need to be logged in to an account to send anonymous messages.

anyway my stance on all of this:

i don't hate anyone for liking izzy. i am critical of certain comments/behaviors i often see from ppl who identify as izzy fans, but izzy fans are rarely the only ones who have this problem. from what i've seen tho, a lot of it comes from izzy fans.

before i ever saw even a hint of harassment against izzy fans, i saw izzy fans coming onto my posts and to posts by fans of color trying to argue that these posts were contributing to their harassment. from my perspective, it looked a lot like fans of a white character were trying to shut down conversations abt their favorite guy, especially when those conversations were being had by fans of color. i was very skeptical and oftentimes pretty dismissive abt the existence of this harassment.

since then tho ive done a pretty deep dive into the anon harassment on tumblr, and also looked at takes from different perspectives on the whole thing, and my conclusion is that there is harassment of izzy fans, however it is on the same base-level shittiness that most people experience from just... being on the internet. death threats and insults and slurs are literally just part of being on the internet. and yes, it SUCKS and it's wrong and nobody should have to put up with it, but izzy fans are not victims of specific targeted harassment. theyre victims of being on the internet and having to put up with general internet shittiness. and im sympathetic to that up until ppl start using "ive been harassed for being an izzy fan" as an excuse to be incredibly nasty (check out this tumblr acct for examples of what i mean lol). the ofmd fandom is annoying and parts of it are toxic but like, by no means is this the most toxic fandom to ever exist. we're not at "undertale fan giving out cookies with needles in them at a convention" levels just yet.

finally, tangentially related: i am inherently wary of fandom sub-groups that like, name themselves?? in my experience, the more people make being a Type Of Fan part of their identity the more it tends to lead to problems. this goes for fans who label themselves "antis" or "anti-antis" or whatever the fuck. i've personally been called an "izzy anti," an "izzy hater," and an "izzy critical fan" but like, i dont really call myself that?? it just seems weird to me idk. it gets to be very "us vs them" on default with little nuance and ive never found this kind of thing to be like, productive in fandom spaces. but that's just me.

[cutepervert]

ty to @tigertofu for the tag <3 dont have many friends on here yet but i'll tag the people that i can think of off the top of my head, @rreskk @chloe12801 @heisentwerk

Were you named after anyone?

not as far as I can tell. my mom likes to say im named after julius caesar but i think shes lying

Do you have kids?

no and have noooo interest it is simply not for me i think

Use sarcasm a lot?

yes, less so on the internet but irl i do a LOT

First thing you notice 'bout people?

it's hard to pick out one thing because i often interpret the totality of a person (like their vibe ig?) before i focus on any details. this is not to say that i dont focus on details i absolutely do but that's often long after i've determined the person has an interesting vibe based off their outfit/the way they carry themselves/etc

Eye color?

hazel. i think? like a light brown with greenish bits in the central heterochromia zone

Scary movies or happy ending?

hard to say tbh! I like a neat ending (not necessarily a happy one) and both scary movies and 'happy ending' movies tend to have neat endings (or at least neat enough to set-up for a sequel LOL). I like both, it all kinda depends on my mood

Special talent?

oh i struggle so hard with this question... like, i have several things i am moderately good at (writing, drawing, et cetera) but ive never been especially skilled or talented at a single thing like other people are. jack of all trades master of none that's the kinda bitch i am. also sidenote but i think talent isn't real. if it is real it describes nothing but someones desire to practice a given thing which then makes them good at it. nobodys born good at shit. prodigies are fake and they are all lying to u!!!!

Your hobbies?

lol. hobbies... what are those! no frfr i play video games write fanfic and once in a while when i have the energy to set up a workspace i like doing very hands-on sculptural art like papier mache and clay sculpture.

Any pets?

no i wish :( want a cat so bad but our aint shit landlord (who tbf is usually really fine and normal and chill so i guess there had to be ONE THING at least that sucked abt him) said no

Playing any sport?

LOL. no. fuck sports..... except i like watching basketball because those men are freaks of nature in the best way and i like to imagine in ancient times we'd have them do feats of strength like climbing up a very steep mountain face. i just love those lengthy boys. kevin durant especially is such an extruded guy every time he falls during a game (which as it turns out is way more often than i thought) im like okay this time his legs have to have snapped in half. and they dont! probably because he drinks his milk or w/e. takes him vitamines. wild shit. anyway yeah i dont do sports

How tall..?

5'7 last time i checked.... imo the perfect height. not too short not too tall but also not too medium. on the tall side of medium sized. love being this height.

Favourite subject in school?

hard to say bc it depended so much on the teacher but i loved most of my english classes and a good amount of my history classes. history is sooo girlypop to me like we're truly just sharing 100+ year old gossip like it's not nosy as fuuuuuck

Dream job:

i do not dream of labor but i think the ideal job for me is one that doesn't feel like it's sucking 100% of my soul out my mouth (will settle for like 30 to 50% soul sucking) and hopefully serves to help other people through creative expression (because i dont know how to do anything else LMAO). i basically have that job rn but it's still Hard and Annoying so i suppose nothing will ever b perfect

[dragonlights]

I feel as if, sometimes, yes, one Does need to make your own post. However, sometimes, you made a post and discussion was being had and it's not. Offensive or Bad. But then it's considered Wrong or Annoying and it's okay to be kind of disrespectful?

Then again, I feel it's natural to maybe sassy to folks you disagree with, and that sassiness can be rude in a more public context... But, despite having personal posts people can reblog, the Internet Is a more public context, so why are we so okay with acting like we're an authority on what is right and wrong when the topic isn't like... One that has a particular human cost?

Like. It's one thing to be like that on political or sj posts- that's a whole other conversation about calling Out vs. calling In- as there's often a great personal weight to these convos that push folks to great deals of stress when something They see as obvious is disagreed with by someone else.

But when the conversation is about Fandom or Characters or idk, the symbolism of robots in media, idk- and someone 'misses the point' or disagrees with op's premise, sometimes In a way that op was discussing to begin with! instead of disagreeing on the merits of the argument itself, or Not Engaging, or even saying 'yeah no this is Exactly what I mean but okay'. We end up dismissing them in a ruder way than we might do irl. And again, it's The Internet, and is a weird cross between public and private- which is where I think some of this comes from tbh.

Like. It's one thing to post a disagreement to a post referencing a character more generally, another to post disdain for the characters in what is essentially the "loving this character fanclub"

But, also, is it a fanclub, or a forum, or your bedroom covered in stickers? And I really do feel like, to some extent, it's all of them at once. People's individual blogs are their bedrooms, full of thoughts and ideas and interests- but it's also public. Public-public! But there are ALSO circles where it's like "you came into the monsterfucker room and are surprised we wanna fuck scary shit? Lol, get out", but is it like a club in a classroom in a school or is it like a gathering in a park with posters and signs hung up?

Like, to some extent, I feel posts on the Internet can really blend those concepts. Some posts are a poster board inviting discussion, and others a clubroom, and others still a poster board inviting discussion but it's in a club room/someone's bedroom.

And I think, sometimes, people react to public-poster board posts as if they're bedroom posts- when it's like, no, this was on main Street friend.

Like. Sometimes people are standing in front of your nicely hung poster having a discussion you disagree with, and you walking up to them and sassing them for their opinion is kinda rude and shitty! You could have rolled your eyes or complained in private!

That said, sometimes someone really did walk into your bedroom and start critiquing the curtains and decor- at which point there's no Need to engage them in their arguments, they're in your bedroom, laughing at them and telling them to GTFO isn't rude it's Justified Rudeness which can also be called standing up for oneself.

But the other side of that is again. Internet! We want this all to be in our bedrooms but our bedrooms have big ass glass windows that display is and our bullshit on main Street.

So yeah! Folks are gonna comment and sometimes you need to step back and remind yourself this is On Main Street. Then again, sometimes other folks need to stop and be like "am I putting in my two cents about something in someone's bedroom"

I think there's definitely room for discussion here, and I think there's a lot of grey area, I just think on the Internet everyone is more ready to act like their posts are bedroom/clubroom posts and other people's are Public On Main Billboards.

And sometimes you put out a billboard or poster and someone took it (or, a copy) into their bedroom to discuss it, and yes you can see it because it's the Internet but they're discussing it in their bedroom, you don't have to be Like That!

But also sometimes you grabbed a poster off the wall and took it to your bedroom and the artist is like "hey can I have that back?"

Tbh, I think it really is a mixed bag where multiple things are true at once. And, maybe, the problem lies with us assuming that our point of view of if something is being co-opted for an audience that we didn't intend, is that no, this is my bedroom so you can't discuss it on main or this is on main you can't just discuss this in your bedroom and have people not respond to you!

But I also feel sometimes we still treat people more rudely than we would otherwise because of it. And that sucks; bedroom, billboard, or what the Internet really is- terrible, Frankenstein'd combination of the two.

In the end, sometimes, I think we should just sometimes be A Little less snarky and rude to each other as a reflex. It. Kind of sucks!

[lowkeyorloki]

hello it’s BC anon I feel less confident about my Jane theory today but also I sort of feel like you’re trying to throw me off which makes me more confident about the theory🤨 so essentially I Do Not Know! I would give more evidence to support it but I feel like cass really just gave the best evidence there is and said it all like there’s really nothing else I could possibly say??? But anyway I will say this since Loki is obviously gonna be Going Through It and because fatherhood is a big part of the chapter I think those two will connect. Seeing Jane (someone Loki loves) getting pregnant so soon after Loki gets his heart broken will HURT and I feel like it’ll add to his inner turmoil bc obviously he wants so support thor and Jane he loves them and he’s so happy for them but it’s gonna make him think about kids w y/n and that’s gonna eat him up inside and he’s gonna feel like he’s not being happy enough for his family and that’s gonna eat him up inside. Anyway maybe Jane is not pregnant also I realize now I thought both y/n and Jane were pregnant so maybe I need to psychoanalyze myself I really hope I’m not projecting or something bc I am literally 21 years old so I better not secretly want to be pregnant or something

LMAO this is pemdas you know. The confidence and the confusion cancel out and you're just left with a blank space (mind?). But you are SO right that Cass gave the best piece of evidence like. I'll torture Loki and y/n all day every day in ANY of my fics but I will not put Narvi through it!! I will do the opposite. I will give him the bestest life I can 🥺

I LOVE all the points you make especially the one about Loki feeling like he isn't happy enough for his family. I think I've briefly mentioned that before but it's definitely explored in the Loki chapter. It's hard for Loki because he loves Narvi so much, but until y/n came along, he didn't have any close relationships outside his immediate family. Of course he's going to feel unfulfilled to some degree - which makes him feel bad because what father thinks that? Loki has to work on understanding it's okay to want and pursue things for himself even though he is a father. He's allowed to have his own thing (no matter what that is). I think y/n citing Loki's smaller amount of time spent with Narvi might have (unintentionally) validated this idea that Narvi trumps all. Which, to be clear, is true - Narvi IS Loki's #1 priority, as any child should be. But that frame of thinking doesn't have to be around the clock. It isn't Narvi or adult relationships outside of the family unit, it's the question of how to make those two things work together. I think these are situations Loki hasn't had time to think about for a plethora of reasons.

And do not worry BC anon I am also 21 (barely I turned 21 not even three months ago) and I can semi confidently say you probably don't secretly want to pregnant. I also had to sit down and ask myself that when I started this story at 19 years old and plotted it out bc I was like. Why am I focusing on this as someone who NEVER wants kids of her own and also has historically refused to write anything regarding pregnancy. Is this my brain telling me I want this???? I especially worried about it because I had to do a lot of research on pregnancy for the y/n reveal just to be sure I was alluding to things that could or couldn't point to her being pregnant. That late night research resulted in like two pregnancy dreams for me and I HATED it but I was so scared it meant something. I mean, it did mean something: it meant I was doing my research way too close to bedtime lmao. But yeah I wouldn't worry too much... you're just picking up on the clues I left that could very well mean your theory is correct ;)

[selfcarecap]

Cinnamon Apple [z.c]

pairing: Zendaya x reader

summary: you and Zendaya make things official ♡

warnings: rpf, a tiny biiiit of smut but nothing explicit, probably swearing, the heteronormative society we live in lol

word count: 1.5k

-this is a repost of an old fic-

(ILOVEWOMENJUSTLOOKATHER)

The articles are harmless.

And that’s the problem for Zendaya.

She doesn’t want scandals or hate, of course, but reading through those headlines doesn’t sit right with her.

Zendaya spotted out and about with a friend

The two gal pals pictured last Friday...

Girls day: The two friends were seen enjoying a meal

She might just throw up.

Z has never been too public with her relationships, but whenever the paparazzi catch her out with a guy, the headlines are filled with assumptions about their relationship status, no matter how often they say they’re just friends.

And now with you? Not a single comment about what the looks between you two could mean, or even the slightest speculation about the nature of your relationship.

It shouldn’t bother Z, she should be grateful that you two don’t constantly have to worry about people prying.

But she’s feeling a little possessive. More than she expected she’d ever be.

Z wanted nothing more than to hold your hand immediately when you got out of the car that day and saw two cameras pointed at you and her, your eyes going wide.

But it was the first time in a situation like that, and she didn’t want you or herself to have to make a decision under pressure. So you simply walked next to each other as long as the cameras followed you, your fingers merely brushing each other’s every few steps.

She knows she’s not the reason why you haven’t made your relationship public. It’s the internet and trash magazines, as well as such a big group of fans and more so people who were not so much fans; it can be scary.

The pictures of you two came out a week ago, and for the internet, it’s like it never happened by now.

But Z has thought about them every single day and has come to the conclusion that she doesn’t like the current situation.

If it turns out you don’t want to be public, she’ll accept it in the blink of an eye. However, if you‘re okay with going public, she‘ll also do that in the blink of an eye.

Just knowing that everyone assumes she‘s single, and even worse that you‘re single, and that you two are merely friends annoys her.

All of her friends and family know. A few were surprised, but not a single person had a negative reaction. As it should be.

Now it‘s only understandable that Z wants the world to know that you‘re her baby and not her gal pal.

♡

“Babe, can you come here a sec?“

You follow Z‘s voice into the living room where she‘s sitting on the sofa.

Leaning over the back of it, you press a kiss to her neck and she smiles at you, showing you her phone.

“Can I post this?“

Z shows you a picture of you two at a cookout a while ago.

You‘re cuddled up on a cream white garden swing, Zendaya‘s arm around your neck and your face buried in her hair.

It‘s not like you‘re kissing, but it‘s such an obvious gesture of affection that there should be no doubt you two are more than friends.

If not your closeness, then the way Z‘s looking at you and your bright smile show how in love you are.

The picture is one of your favourites. Z did your hair that day, so it looked really cute and with the sun going down behind you two, it lowkey looks like a professional photo shoot, except that it was candid and taken on Snapchat by one of Z’s friends.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“I am. But I won’t post it if you don’t want me to.”

You think about the world finally knowing that you get to call this wonderful human your girlfriend. A smile spreads across your face and Z pecks your lips.

“I like the idea,” you say, “A lot. What are you going to put as a caption?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know, I just want to let the world know you’re my baby.”

“Let them know, then,” you grin.

Z types something short and then her thumb hovers over the post-button, “Sure?”

“I‘m sure. Love you, baby.”

“Love you more.”

She posts the picture and flings her phone to the other end of the sofa, wrapping her arms around your waist, fingers brushing up against the skin under your hoodie.

You open the Instagram app on your phone, the picture Z just posted right at the top of your feed, “my cinnamon apple,” she captioned it, after the vine you two find so funny.

You’re about to look at the comments when Z swipes the phone from your hand, stuffing it between the sofa cushions, “You’re not going to read the comments!”

“I swear I was just going to comment-” Zendaya kisses your lips and you forget whatever you were going to say.

She takes your hand, dragging you to her bedroom and a few minutes later you’re both too blissed out to forget what Instagram even is.

Whatever Instagram might be, it’s just on the internet and it’s not real, it can’t harm you. What is real, is the beautiful woman next to you in bed, and you focus on nothing but her for the next few hours.

As you wake up from your pleasure-induced nap a bit later, you can smell something cooking in the kitchen and hear the sizzling from the pan.

You pull on a big hoodie and make your way to the kitchen, catching Z cooking in only a large shirt, dancing to some tune that’s humming from her phone.

Joining her in the kitchen, you hug her from behind, kissing her exposed shoulder, “D’you want me to help?”

“Nope, today I’m spoiling you, you can relax - food’s ready in maybe ten minutes.”

You give her another kiss and decide to help anyway, getting the plates and cutlery ready. Once you’re finished with setting the table, you retreat to the couch, dropping yourself down and landing on something hard. Your phone.

That’s when you remember the picture- how many million people will have seen it by now? What are their reactions?

Your heart starts racing as you fumble with your phone, going to the Instagram app.

The first thing that shows up is a story Zendaya posted and you quickly click on it.

She posted the earlier picture in her story too, captioning it with “Let me introduce you to…”

Okay, she’s making it suspenseful for her followers, but even your heart is beating out of your chest. You click to the next slide of her story, only text, “Not my friend, not my “gal pal””...

The last photo of her story is a new picture, one of you two kissing. She knew you would approve of it because it’s your phone wallpaper and also one of your favourite pictures.

It was taken in the back of a car. It was date night so you were both looking cute but you’d met some friends and decided to tag along. They were hyping you two up, wanting to take pictures to commemorate the night and saying how good you looked together, back when they didn’t even know you were together.

The pictures started innocently but for one of the last shots Z pulled you closer and suddenly you were kissing in front of her friends. Luckily the picture didn’t capture it, but you were terrified of their reaction, but a second later you heard their cheering and started smiling into the kiss - that’s when the picture was taken.

The grin on your face widens when you read what she’s written as a caption “Let me introduce you to this gorgeous human being who I’m proud to call my girlfriend, my wifey, my baby, my best friend, my everything,” with a red heart emoji at the end.

You’re so happy not a single negative comment could ruin your mood, so you check out her post and the comments underneath, only to get a feel for the general vibe - are the people supportive?

You nearly shed a tear when you’re bombarded with story reposts and positive comments - Jacob Batalon, Tom Holland both with funny and supportive comments, Laura Harrier with a heartfelt message. You see more comments by many others but just as you’re about to scroll further, Z calls you for food.

All you need to know is that she loves you, but having her massive fan base supporting you two only gives you more strength.

You make sure to tell her how much you love her during dinner, so many times, until she’ll grow bored of it (which she never does).

[sasarahsunshine]

To the person who send the vent about moving in with your autistic friend: you literally don't deserve any credit for not getting angry at her. It's the bare minimum:)))

Also the fact that you are relived now that you know that no one got frustrated or angry with her? Why moving her in a place where you weren't sure about that?

And lastly why would you share her struggles like that? She probably went through enough why would someone post that ?

(This is absolutely no hate to you,Sarah!! Much love to you and I don't see anything wrong with you being happy about that ask. These are just little things people do so often that annoy the shit out of me. Yes, the whole story, that they moved in together and everything is really wholesome and I wish them the best. 💙)

Anon, you're totally right about the first thing. As someone with autism, PTSD, etc., I'm so used to people getting upset with me and not being patient or understanding. I'm used to my own family and friends getting frustrated when I talk too much or too fast, or when I do the opposite and shut down completely.

So when I see people talking about or explaining how they were patient and kind, I tend to get overly excited/happy about it. Especially because all I can think about is how happy I feel when someone lets me stim, or when my brother texts me from across the room because he noticed I got quiet and I'm humming to myself to drown out noise (and he knows I can't talk so we message each other instead).

So, in the grand scheme of things, you technically shouldn't get a pat on the back or a gold star for being kind, because yes, it is the bare minimum. But then again, they don't really teach you how to handle when someone goes non-verbal in school, you know? My mom knew my brother was autistic and still had no clue on how to handle his outbursts or help when he was overstimulated. I learned how to help him on my own, just by observing and sitting with him (plus living with him for 15 years of his life probably helped, so I got to know him pretty well).

It's completely possible that the first Anon has never experienced seeing their ASD friend act like this before. And when someone locks themselves away, refuses to eat, refuses to speak—well, that can be scary and overwhelming when you don't know how to make it better. You can't just go into their space and make them come out, you know? So being patient, while being worried, and waiting for their friend to come out on their own was all they could really do.

To the second point: everyone with ASD is different (like every disorder, mental illness, disability, sexuality, etc), so I don't know how their friend handles change on a day-to-day basis, but for myself, I always hope that I will like the change and that I will have fun. Moving in with your friends is supposed to be fun! Going to college is fun! Picking out your room and decorations, making schedules, and getting to be an adult for the first time are fun and exciting! AND she was going it all with her friends! So, it's totally possible even she didn't know she was going to shut down as badly as she did until she was already moved in, when reality hit. I always want to go do big fun things, like go to the fair or the mall, but then once I'm there I get overwhelmed and need a break (sometimes before we even get started).

So, although I don't know their story, I can see how they didn't know they would have such a bad reaction to all that change at once until it was too late. And then Anon being relieved that nobody else was upset with her, in my opinion, is a good reaction and feeling to have, since they clearly care about their friend enough to hope that nobody saw her as a burden or was upset with her actions.

And the final point, this is the internet and it's anonymous. The chance that this anon's roommate is on Tumblr, follows my blog, and realizes this post is about them is slim. If that were the case, the only people who would know would be the original Anon and said roommate. That Anon wanted to share something that made them smile and feel good/happy, but clearly, they needed an anonymous way to do so, so they came to me. And I don't mind when people come to me with stuff like that! I love getting messages from people about whatever they're going through, good or bad.

Since they're going to college, I will go with the assumption that everyone in the household is young. 18-20-year-olds most likely, with no real-world experience just yet. They're learning new things every single day, and that includes how to understand their friend who happens to have autism.

So, Anon, I totally understand where you're coming from with this follow-up message to them. I get it! I see why you get annoyed and upset when it feels like people are only doing the bare minimum and expecting a reward. But I also like to hope that, maybe, this person is just starting out on their path to learning more about neurodivergent people (ASD, ADHD, OCD, ADD, etc), and mental health as a whole. And I want to encourage them to keep learning, to keep being patient, and to keep trying to understand those of us who don't quite think the same as everyone else.

Thank you for messaging me, really! /gen. I love that you're passionate about your feelings for this, and I love that you messaged me so you would be heard. I also love being able to talk about this stuff, even though I doubt anyone really reads it, lol.

We all wish the other Anon the best with their new move, their friend, and their college semester! And I love you both!! I hope you're having a wonderful day/night wherever you are!! <333

[miniyrds]

As long as they don’t follow your blog, you could outline it anyways. Venting can be scary but it can also be healthy and provide some catharsis in the midst of all of this. You know, get the metaphorical weight of your chest

I've tried writing this a few times bc my brain is annoying and I keep forgetting things and then over explaining lol

thank u for the excuse to write out my problems on the internet

side note: I tell this humorously now and I know that I could've done things a lot differently, but it still messed me up quite a bit

this can pretty much be broken into several instance so to speak

incident one:

me and my ex-roommate and our two suitemates moved into an on campus apartment in the spring of our 2nd year. I am in my 4th year now. The semester started and we were all really excited to live together with a kitchen. ex-roommate proposed that we alternate cooking for everyone (this only lasted one month). but... ex-roommate’s bf was always over eating our food. this became more of an issue to one of my suite mates but I was fairly annoyed by him being constantly around. anyway, we decide to tell my ex-roommate that we didn’t think he should be over as often etc etc

ex-roommate left for a few hours and came back only to sit us all down and cry about how having her bf over made her feel better bc adjusting to living in an apartment was really hard and there was nowhere else for them to go (he lived in his own room in a different dorm on campus)

we dropped the situation

incident two:

in like February/early march I had gone to bed early while my ex-roommate, her bf, and our suitemates watched a movie until like 2 am. one of my suitemates shouted goodnight and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. ex-roommate and bf then decide to spend the night together...intimately...while I am right there.

I send her a message the following Monday bc I debated for so long whether or not to tell her that I heard. I told her that I really didn't want her bf staying the night after I had already gone to bed (basically I just wanted a heads up. I didn’t phrase this well)

I ended up getting really paranoid that she was sneaking him in and I confided in my suite mate about this (bad move)

incident three:

a week after spring break, we are getting back from a late showing of Us. It’s after midnight and we can’t find close parking. My suitemates and I offer to walk with her and she says that her bf is gonna walk her back so she’s okay

I say “oh, is [bf] coming over?” (I swear. that’s it)

wrong thing to say apparently. when we get back into the room she starts tearing into me. I don’t remember everything that was said but it started with “do you hate [bf]” and went to

we all hate your boyfriend. he makes us all feel really uncomfortable and he has for the past two years. we just never said anything

you say a lot of hurtful things. if you even think that you said something mean, apologize no matter how much later it is

you hurt [suitemates] feelings by joking about [something]. do u think she doesnt tell me? we tell each other everything

is [ex boyfriend] abusing you? because it seems like he is *never brings it up again or checks on me* (he was slightly toxic but it wasn't thanks to them that I realized it)

“im shocked im not crying rn. im just so mad” (as im sobbing)

I spent the rest of the semester on eggshells around them. I left every weekend I could but that was difficult because I didn't have a car. my ex never stepped foot in my apartment again (cant say the same about her bf)

my ex broke up with me that summer and that hit me really hard because we were co-dependent on each other in the worst way and he said a lot of mean things. ex-roommate hung out with me one time and claimed she was ‘there for me’ and got me thru my breakup. (that award goes to my mom, thanks)

I didn’t move back in with them in the fall. that honestly changed my life

incident four:

I am now in a much better place but I still feel the need to apologize to my new group of friends when I think I said something wrong. (they constantly assure me that I don’t have to) (I apologized to my current roommate for joking about how she cooks ramen and she was like "nat I do not hate u for ramen”)

I am also constantly prepared for another callout. I know I wasn't perfect and I couldve been better about boundaries. I know what to do now should that ever happen again. I feel bad about how it went down

I was not prepared for ex-roommate to turn on one of our suitemates in a me-style callout

I don’t have the full story from both sides but from what I gathered they were all joking in their normal fashion (”___ is my favorite! no ___ is my favorite!”) when ex-roommate took it to heart. this led to suitemate being excluded the moment they were walking out the door etc etc

needless to say, she moved out

ex-roommate took to social media to say “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. friendship applications closed forever!” after she blocked my suitemate.

this is when I learned that ex-roommate sees nothing wrong with how she treated me. like 0 empathy. I have 2 sources that believe she doesnt feel any at all

a few nights ago she tweeted about my old suitemate and I sent it to her (like a good friend lol). this is when I learned that ex-roommate was always mad that I hung out with other people

conclusion?

this was kinda cathartic. It was more timeline than venting but I have no more real venting thoughts I realized. I've exhausted them. but I do take smug comfort in the random instances that bothered my ex-roommate. we didn’t work as friends or roommates and im still messed up from everything but at least I have really good new friends now :))

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[jas-michaud]

𝙹𝙰𝚂'𝚂 𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝙹𝚄𝙽𝙴 𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚁𝚈 ft. @redgrve

may 29 - june 7 ( my house )

june 7 - 12 ( disneyland )

june 12 - 19 ( louis goes home & i visit @mariguinto )

june 19 - 26 ( i fly to dc to stay with louis & his dad )

@gallaghertasks

they linger on campus a little after graduation ( jas insists on a room 207 + her breakfast together post ceremony and yeah she cried!! ) but don’t waste that much time before flying to montreal to visit jas’s family. thankfully for louis, it’s only a 2ish hour flight so he’s not that sweaty when jas’s older sister picks them up at the airport! her parents wanted to but her father is working and mila insisted she do it because that’s way less scary for a boyfriend though lbr louis is losing either way, he wants her whole fam to like him. surprisingly, mila decides to be chill the whole drive there and jas is thankful because she was positive her sister was gonna try to scare him just to be annoying!

they get to the michaud household and her little sister bee ( not that little, she’s nineteen lol ) runs out to hug jas and then she hugs louis and acts like she just got carried away but it’s because he’s cute and we all know it! jas’s mom doesn’t come out because she is in the kitchen making louis-friendly brownies and these pictures on the internet lead me to believe they taste better than they sound. louis is probs flustered by the attention but hello this is the family that produced jas, they are happy to do the most. a couple hours pass and her mother starts making dinner ( her mom is home because she’s a teacher so it’s summer vacation for her too obvs ) and her dad comes home and she hugs him and truly in that exact moment realizes she will not be there for father’s day and almost cries. and then realizes she will be with louis’s dad for father’s day? and she imagines louis still doesn’t rly know how to celebrate? do they ignore it every year?? she is determined to get him a present when she finds something for her own dad!

louis is nervy because dentists are scarier to him than spies but jas’s dad is nice and simply not scary and also i’m in love with him. bed time! jas is like it was a long day i won’t try to seduce you in my childhood bedroom this one time ❤️

they do canadian shit for the rest of the trip and jas continues to try teaching louis german. jas is so happy to be home, and to be home with louis specifically, and even if they both have to lie about their college and what louis is planning to do with his life it still feels like things are kind of amazing and on their last day in canada she finally starts thinking about the fact that they’re going to disneyland and!!!!!!!!

JAS BRINGS A PEN AND YES SHE IS MARKING UP THE PARK MAP THEY NEED TO DO THIS RIGHT OR WHY DO IT AT ALL!!! they only have four full days at disney. the day they get there is mostly just getting settled in the hotel and they watch a movie but jas falls asleep halfway through i hope they aren’t cursed to never successfully watch movies together. DAY ONE: a treat for the boyf, they’re gonna start with galaxy’s edge. then it’s frontierland, new orleans square & adventureland! it’s probably hard for louis to find stuff he can eat in the park so jas has made a list of restaurants in each area that might have at least one item she thinks is safe but also she has brought snacks!! meanwhile she is eating churro funnel cakes and mickey mouse ice cream bars and drinking mint juleps or whatever the fuck. she has a sugar high every damn day and then passes out every night which is why she initiates morning sex tmi? DAY TWO: gotta start with main street!!! then tomorrowland, fantasyland and toontown. they watch the fireworks, jas gets privately emo because she just l*ves her boyfriend, he probably almost says it then there’s a loud ass firework and he is stressed bc of loud noises ( lowkey i don’t like fireworks bc same ). DAY THREE: california adventure, baby! hollywood land, followed by grizzly peak and then cars land. they dip before it’s too late to hang out in the hotel and i am giving louis designated gaming time. DAY FOUR: the rest of california adventure which is just pixar pier, pacific wharf and paradise gardens park. they go out somewhere fancy because i say so. and because this is their last night together for a week. which is literally no time at all but jas cries a little when he leaves her at the gate to go catch his separate flight.

jas was originally supposed to go on vacation with the guintos, then the vacation was cancelled and she made plans with louis because she is very aware that she won’t see him that often next semester and she is...not okay but anyways! he said he wanted to go visit his dad alone for a week so she got to tell mari that she could visit after all and yay!!! because not seeing mari for a full month was wild! she facetimes louis every day which is unnecessary but it is what it is. and ofc she facetimed mari pretty much every day when she was with louis. they don’t do anything too wild, just hanging out in los angeles, but it’s still perfect and a lot of fun and she’s like bye see you in berlin love you miss you already.

louis picks her up at the airport in dc and she hugs him as if they haven’t seen each other in months and it’s generally a gross display but what else is new. she meets his dad and their dads are so different which is not surprising and his dad is so much unlike louis which is also not surprising but over the course of the week she finds certain mannerisms and expressions that they share and it’s amazing how genetics find a way despite everything! she likes his dad and hopes he likes her and when they leave for berlin a few days before the internship starts, it seems like?? he likes her and she?? is so happy. louis shows her as much of dc as he can in such a limited amount of time and even tho she’s a canadian she finds it all very interesting, probably more than most 21-year-old americans would! she also sometimes thinks about how georgetown is there but they don’t go to see the campus or anything, it’s just weird to think about.

they fly to berlin and louis tries to sleep through most of the flight and jas just likes having his head on her shoulder what is this the lizzie mcguire movie haha and when they arrive in berlin he is pretty well rested but she is dreaming of sleeping for the next five years.

[szopenhauer]

Do you like Chanel purses? no

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? not personally

What is your favorite endangered animall? elephant

Can you name someone with the same last name as you? my parents

Who was the last person to scream your name? ...

By the way, that wasnt meant to be perverted.  too late  I have no idea why I thought about that - no one ever screamed my name this way and nobody ever will :x

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? it seems Name something that you are doing tonight. nothing and I realized that I don’t want to go to sleep more than ever before, I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow and yet I’m scared of dying (suffering)

Do you like the smell of a barbecue? nah

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now? too young for me Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? words I guess Do you have an easy time falling asleep? I wish Are you a crier? crybaby Do you like to wear makeup? no Do you have a high tolerance for people? pfft Do you like your bed? why not How many times have you been to the ER? few

Are you wearing shorts? basically never

Do you eat randomly, just whenever the hell you want? ...

Did you have trouble getting up this morning? yeah What’s a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww”? cute little dogs Do you have soft hands? Do you like holding hands? do I? I like to hold hands tho What’s your opinion on perfumes that are REALLY expensive?  dumb, I hate perfume but expensive - that is ridiculous! Have you ever really hated a teacher and practically made it clear you did? Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Are you a little bit cautious around horses? Do they scare you a bit? I’m just a cautious person in general  If you could live next door to ANYONE, who would you want to live beside? love of my life, I mean - we can live together but for now it would be cool if we were neighbors at least, you know what I mean? Do you think your friends are pretty? Do your friends think your pretty? what friends... Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? maybe mom about that one particular thing that starts on S and ends with X

What is your opinion on air pollution? less cars!

Were you forced to read ‘The Odyssey’ in high school? from what I remember

Who was the last person to come visit you? M.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? recently

Do you own any superhero shirts? nope

What is your opinion on the “Team Edward/Team Jacob” shirts? I dislike Twilight

If you had to teach a class, what would you teach? if I really had to then art

How did your parents meet each other? personal

What profession do you think is the most under-appreciated? garbage collectors, those who clean the streets or hospitals, postmen etc.

Have you ever drawn on someone while they were sleeping? don’t do that

Does time really heal all wounds? Or is that just a trivial saying? trivial saying

Where is your favorite place to take a nap? I don’t do naps but my bed

Would you rather lose all your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? not be able to make new

Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I don’t drive

What’s a tradition you hope never dies out? it’s a secret

Do you have any exes you’d consider dating again? I’m dating my ex 

Have you ever went a year without getting your hair cut? yes Do you think you could go a week without sugar? without sweets? I already do, I don’t even drink tea with sugar  Would you be willing to go one day each week without meat? absolutely Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? whatever Are you any good at sewing? I know basics Have you looked at any old photos of yourself lately? this year Do you carry a calculator around with you everywhere? I don’t need it that often Do you like to plan things out or just go with the flow? plan but not strictly

Do you garden at all? If so, what types of things do you grow? I help my parents which I find pointless because there is always much more work than results Do you consider cooking to be an art? when done right How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? too many considering that I barely wear ‘em ^^” Are you a fast or slow reader? fast Would you ever spend $500 on concert tickets? hell no Do you know anyone who looks like you? there was a gal who was similar to me on tumblr but younger than me, I lost contact with her  Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor?  yeah :( Are you a short tempered person? oh well...

Does it take a lot to gross you out? I’m easily grossed out  Last time you seen an ocean: never saw ocean in person Do you collect sea shells? not as much as I used to

What is one change you need to make in your life this month? lets not talk about it, ok?

Would you have sex with the last person you texted? done Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? she’s gonna be busy working Do you require a lot of private time? yasss Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? it’s because I’m a lesbian lmfao If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? in my most fav shows plot was more important to me than characters tbh, it’s hard to explain, I hope I’m not the only one who thinks this way haha but in Buffy I didn’t like Xander and Angel was annoying even though he was necessary, I wasn’t a fan of Faith and didn’t understand Riley existence in the universe, also Dawn changed a lot for worse but I swallowed it with patience, in Call the midwife I felt crappy when they took Chummy and Jenny away, I didn’t watch newest episodes so I have no idea who Lucille and Valerie are, I horribly miss sister Evangelina :(

What’s the best part about flying? don’t ask me, I’ve never been on a plane

Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? fragments

Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream? vanilla

If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I’d prefer glasses

Are mac’s really better than PC’s? I’m a PC gal

D0 y0u l1k3 t0 t@lk l1k3 a 5c3n3 k1d? *cringe*

When you were red and green clothes do you feel like a Christmas Tree? lol

What TV show has the best theme song? hard choice

New Year’s Plans? I don’t plan to live that long

Would you agree that Sex and The City is the best show ever? no way, I didn’t even care enough to watch one episode of it

Do you call your friends with red hair “ranga’s”? wtf

Have you ever been surfing? me? surfing? r u kidding?

Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? excuse me, I’m into women exclusively

Name a thing in your room that other probably don’t have in theirs: me ha!

What’s your best jacket like? comfy :3

What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? nothing 

If you could pull off any hairstyle, what would it look like? I have couple of ideas ;)

What is the worst thing that happened so far today? my failed appointment as I didn’t get any answers nor help for my heart condition and allergies and that was the last attempt, I have no other ways of fixing things to survive next months, my life;s officially over, I only have suffering and fear left, I’m a burden and I want to kill myself sooner than food or cardiac arrest 

Did that ruin your day? it ruined my LIFE

What’s something good you’re looking forward to? sweet relieve of death?...

What’s something that you think is really cute?

*wish it was mine

Describe your feet: eww, why, better not

If you see somebody crying, do you start crying too? depends

How do you like your hoodies? oversized, without kangaroo pocket in front and/or a zipper, yuk

Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? it is to me at least

Were you a cute baby? I was a red haired potato

Are you talking to anybody right now? online 

How tall are your tallest socks? I kept my rainbow knee high socks but I don’t use them anymore

Are you waiting for a phone call? at night?...

Do you look forward to swimsuit season, or get really nervous? I was skipping swimsuit seasons for over 10 years until this summer - I bought the cheapest and went to stand/walk in the water and sit on a beach despite my insecurities 

If you could live for a year with any foreign family, where would you go? don’t wanna, scary

What do you wish people would pay you to do? browse the internet XD

Do you take good pictures? I try

Should you be doing something else right now? wash my hair, drink water, commit suicide - who knows

Did that question make you nervous? that question made me sad 

Why don’t girls like porn? some enjoy it 

Tell me a memory of this summer: this summer is all about romantic love, illnesses and nostalgy

Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? a waste but still pretty, sorry love, I know you’d be irritated so don’t worry - I will never do smth like that to ya

[purplesurveys]

740

‘Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? This is so weird. Someone wouldn’t be my best friend if all they did was annoy me. If one of my best friends did start to bother me with anything they’re doing, we’re close enough for me to comfortably call them out on it. Who is your best friend? Angela and Gab. Do you like someone right now? A lot more than that at this point. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? I’ve been with them a handful of years now, so yes. Do you consider yourself truly happy? Not truly. I can generally keep myself happy but I’ll sometimes have days where I’m anxious, angry, hurt, confused, lost, or all of the above. It’s a work in progress.

How often do you cry? I want to say at least once a week; that's pretty accurate. Are you emotional? Yes. What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? I find these questions so stressful to think about lol. Just give me scenarios to do for $10 million and I’ll tell you if I’m willing to do it. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? [trigger warning] No. But when my depression was at its roughest a part of me wanted to try adding self-starvation to the other methods I was already using to harm myself at the time. Didn’t really work out. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? Cut, yes. Burned, technically yes, but I didn’t know it would hurt me. When I was 7 I thought I had some sort of invincibility so I placed a finger on a clothes iron that was plugged in at the time. So I kinda did it on purpose, but not because I wanted to burn myself lol? If that makes sense? What do you think of people that do? Hope that they have people around them who care for them and can help them pull themselves out of that hole. What's your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? Scary, especially the hard drugs. I’ve seen Breaking Bad, Trainspotting, and Requiem for a Dream to know not to try them lol. I’ve only had milder ones like caffeine, nicotine, and painkillers. Have you ever noticed the hidden adut jokes inside of kid shows/movies? When I encounter the episodes these days, yeah I would notice them. When I was a kid they used to be just sentences that didn’t make sense to me. Do you want to be famous? Why? I’m not opposed to it. I wanna be able to travel places, get freebies, and afford a lot of nice clothes, but I’m also not willing to do absolutely anything or lose who I am just to get famous.

Do you sin often? I don’t really think of that anymore. What are your views on God? Nope. What do you think happens after you die? I go to sleep permanently, which for me is the most peaceful way to think of death. Sometimes if I’m feeling a little alone or helpless, it’s just as comforting to also think of the possibility of reuniting with my lost loved ones when I die, like my lolo or the great-grandparents I never met. Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of dying painfully, if anything. Like I don’t want to be stuck in a burning room or have a ceiling collapse on me, you know? If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? Yes. Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough? Of course. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? Yes. I’m not jealous/envious of Nina, but I do sometimes wish I had a talent that was as tangible and recognizable as hers – she’s an artist and an editor, and very good ones. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? I mean we don’t hate each other, but I wouldn’t go running to their arms if I had a problem. We have a more buddy-type relationship.

Are you always wanting more? Yep, I’m quite materialistic. Do you make good first impressions? You’d have to ask the people I’ve ever met. I hope I do, though. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question.  What would you do if you were obese? Idk, it would depend on the mindset I have once I’m at that point. Are you ashamed of your past? Not ashamed. I just wish it had a lot more happier days. Do you miss your past? No. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? Ain’t it fuuuuun living in the real wooooorld ain’t it goooood being all alooooone Who are you closest to in your family? In my immediate family, it’s probably my sister. But generally speaking, it’s my eldest first cousin on my mom’s side. Do you ever open up to people? Yes, but I’m also private. Like I wouldn’t just share my life story with anyone - you have to ask about it and know which questions to ask. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? Sure. I’ve had shitty people come in and go out of my life throughout the years. Are you an honest person? I guess. Do you like animals? Love them, except cockroaches and flying cockroaches.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? I...don’t really have an opinion lol and I don’t know if I should. I don’t know the first thing about medical ethics. Are you a control freak? In a group setting, mostly yep. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you're losing all control? I like getting drunk but only until a certain point, i.e. when I feel giddy enough to socialize with strangers or start dancing. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences from drinking too much and it’s always so embarrassing the day after. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? I’ve read accounts on Reddit from people who used to be in one and the stories vary. Some stayed passed out through the whole thing, others dreamt in a lot of vibrant colors, others had dreams that they considered metaphors for dying, others were a little aware of what was happening or being said around them. Do you think the internet is dangerous? I know it is, lmao.

Name all the social networking sites you use: Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, Linkedin. I re-installed Snapchat recently but I don’t use it for social media. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? My best friends do, in different ways. Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? Yes. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? No. It’s very rare that that gets to happen so when it does, I keep them around. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. Do you care what impression you make on people? Kinda, especially if they make the wrong one lmao. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? If anything today’s TV has a lot of responsible representation from sexual consent and coming out and mental health to POCs, which gives off a suuuuper positive influence to kids and young teens these days who now feel like they can see themselves in the characters they meet and scenarios they see. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the other -isms and -phobias never get to fly by in this age anymore and that’s a great thing too. Just look at Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Sex Education, Itaewon Class, and I wanna say The Good Place? but I’ve never seen it. What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? I honestly think that would be the last straw that would break the camel’s back for people to start chaotically freaking out lol. There’s too much happening as it is. Honestly, do you say racist things? Filipinos in general are resentful towards mainland Chinese but that’s because they have bullied us for so long, they’ve literally shit on our historical parks, they keep buying our lands, they claim our seas, and they belittle and mistreat Filipinos, especially the ones who work as OFWs in China. We wouldn’t be as racist if most of them didn’t act like such assholes to begin with. Personally, I don’t verbally say racist stuff but I will judge mainland Chinese in my head if I come across them or hear another incident of them misbehaving. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? No, which I’m quite grateful for. They just let me do my thing, they ask me what jobs I want without hinting what they want for me, they let me fantasize about my dream purchases once I have a salary without guilt-tripping me over letting them have a share of my money, that kind of stuff. Has anyone you loved ever died? Two big people in my life. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? Not at all. Pets are family, and everyone’s reactions are valid. I remember when Lorde’s dog died and people were either 1) making fun of her and called her overreacting when she said she was gonna be unable to release new music for the meantime, or 2) stoked that her new music is probably gonna be sad and emotional because of her dog’s death, and I thought both were terrible. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? I’m getting there, don’t pressure me lmfao. Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? Day by day. I have a good big picture planned out, but I also like living in the now. What are you going to do now? I dunno if I want to take another survey or watch YouTube videos now. But directly after hitting post on this I’ll definitely take another sip of my coffee and give my dog cuddles for a few minutes since he just woke up from his nap.

[gontagokuhara]

you should tell us abt ur fangan kids!

ive been meaning to answer this but itz long so i wanted to put it under a cut!!

hibiki (he/they) is the ultimate demolitionist! i cant draw but his design and whole aesthetic is literally just. minecraft creepercore. they’re 4′10″, they wear full-eye black contacts bc Crepper Aesthetic, and he just. likes to blow shit up. he’s the rival in my group killing game and i love him SO much

yuri (he/him) is 100% my kinnie oc as the ultimate camp counselor. despite being very good at what he does (duh), he hates it. the responsibility of having to maintain the fun and safety of a bunch of kids is shaving years off his lifespan. and, amazingly for him, he immediately gets assigned Group Dad against his will during the killing game. he also carries at least four fanny packs at all times, each containing snacks and capri suns, first aid supplies, arts and craft supplies, and a fucking tazer (which he usually threatens to use against hibiki). 

kimi (she/her) is the ultimate candy maker! her entire aesthetic is cotton candy, in which her hair is dyed blue and pink, she likes soft, puffy clothing, and she’s just a really sweet (ha) person in general! she gets along with most all of her classmates bar a few. she has lesbian disease also

miyah (she/her) is the ultimate witch, which sounds really cool, until she opens her mouth and you realize she’s the crystal-wielding, essential oil-drinking, anti vax queen you were warned about. she’s very sweet and very soft spoken, and genuinely tries to be kind to everyone, but she’s very much a you love her or hate her kind of personality.

koya (they/them) is the ultimate swashbuckler! swashbucklers are a hero archetype defined by flamboyant movement, sword-wielding, chivalry, and daring adventures. koya is a sea-faring spirit, and they fill their time in the killing game enthralling the others with stories of grandeur and convincing all of their classmates that they are a legit pirate. koya is a liar, they exaggerate…a lot, but their intentions are not malicious and their tales just come out a bit more romantic than they actually happened. they’re very charming and laid back, and they’re definitely the sort of heartthrob character that everyone wants to smooch. 

chieko (they/them) is the ultimate girl gang leader, and they are also ultimate lesbian. they’re sort of isolated from the rest of the group due to their talent being considered scary, and their very intense and intimidating appearance and personality. they’re major concern is to escape the killing game and find their way back to their girls (they say as much, which makes everyone VERY suspicious!) but they wouldnt hurt anyone and they end up becoming best friends with yuri and masako (who i’ve lovingly dubbed the parent squad of this class)

speaking of masako (she/they), she is the ultimate investigative journalist, and this killing game’s trial helper! she is very well traveled, and takes what she does very seriously. they are completely and utterly devoted to the truth, good or bad, they will find the truth. they absolutely detest koya for this reason; even little lies absolutely grind masako’s gears. she also is very distrustful, and she doesn’t trust anyone at the onset of the killing game. it takes her a long time to warm up enough to the protag to share her findings during investigations, and she often comes across as somewhat of a rival during trials due to her critical nature and the way she very blatantly does not trust those around her. nevertheless, later on she is (against her will) forced into the Parent Squad with chieko and yuri, and though she doesn’t trust anyone else, she will do everything in her power to keep more killings from happening. 

daichi (he/him) is the ultimate superhero, and he was the first dr oc i actually made!! he’s very much a pretty boy (fluffy blonde hair, pink eyes, freckles, he’s just Cute) and he and hibiki start dating during the killing game! he’s sort of a bastard and won’t give anyone a straight answer on what his superpowers actually are, but despite his kind, cheeky nature, he feels a deep sense of responsibility and guilt over not being able to do anything about the killing game. he is one of the more likely people to go snooping for the mastermind, and he’s gotten in physical fights more than once with people he deems suspicious. 

hirohito (he/him) is the ultimate joggler and he’s the greatest character of all time. what is joggling, you ask? don’t worry, he’ll tell you. i came across this while looking for talent ideas, and i laughed so hard i cried when i conceptualized this fiend. he’s very much the token joke character, he’s a hot head, and he’s kind of a dick, but the idea of hope’s peak allowing the ultimate person who can juggle and jog at the same time into their doors is just too hilarious to pass up. protag joggler 4 life

speaking of people who are kind of dicks, meet yuuto (he/him), the ultimate dancer. he’s such a hot head. he hates the most of his classmates out of any other character, including the mastermind. he’s dating the protag, who is one of like…four people he actually likes in his class. yuuto takes his talent very seriously, and spends hours every day working to maintain his status as the best of the best. his talent comes before everything else (or, at least, it did), but if his talent comes first, then the people he cares about take up every other place on the list. he doesn’t tolerate many people, but those he does, he is fiercely loyal towards. he would kill and die for the people he cares about. he is 5′2″ of pure kickass, and he will throw everything he has into defending the people he loves. i lvoe him.

michiko (she/her) is the ultimate influencer (yeah. i know). she’s an internet personality who has followings on instagram, twitter, youtube, tiktok, et cetera. she is also one of my earlier oc designs, and i’m kind of attached to her lol. she’s very naturally magnetic and has a lot of friends among her classmates, but she does have a tendency to get hung up on things like follower counts, conventional beauty, and wealth. she has a huge (mutual!) crush on koya, she’s best friends with hibiki, and she has an intense fear of swimming pools (her hair is dyed, and chlorine is way bad for dyed hair)

leeanne (she/her) is the only non-japanese character, and i. she’s a mess. she’s the ultimate theatre kid, and she’s basically every broadway tumblr user when h*milton was super popular. she complains about musical bootlegs, becries her classmates for not knowing anything about the musicals she stans, and she’s just. lord. obviously she’s a joke character, and she’s honestly a caricature of the kind of shit i got up to (to a degree! don’t call me out sdkjdsjbd) when i was 15 years old. suffice to say, none of her classmates like her very much

tomoya (he/him) is the obligatory ultimate ???, and also our trial ruiner! he earns the distrust of his entire class by keeping his talent a secret and then having it revealed by masako, and as a result he is very outcasted and lonely among his peers. he’s a naturally very reserved person, and his situation lends him to feeling very lonely. most of the class suspect him to be the mastermind – whether they’re right or not, only time will tell. 

katsumi (she/her) is 1/3 of what i’ve dubbed the Showbiz Squad as the ultimate pageant queen! she’s been participating in and winning beauty pageants since she was very young, and she’s won all the way up through the pageant ranks. as one would expect she’s very beautiful, and she’s also very bright and charismatic, which lends itself well to gaining allies in the killing game. she is by and large very fake, though, and she operates as a mini antagonist for various reasons. 

hikaru (he/him) is another third of the Showbiz Squad, as the ultimate game show host! he’s very ostentatious and charismatic; he’s always ‘on,’ always playing the gracious, enthusiastic host. there’s always a smile and a flashy, charming quip in his mouth, so he can wear very gratingly on the less enthusiastic and personable kids. he definitely would be a tumblr sexyman if he were an actual dr character {sweating emoji]. despite the crowd he seems to gather wherever he goes, no one knows much about him; and he likes to keep it that way. 

and finally, the last third of the Showbiz Squad, and also the protagonist: hachi (he/they), the ultimate child star! as their talent would indicate, hachi was a child star, and he absolutely detests the showbusiness world as a result. he really dislike pretty much…everyone who represents that part of his past (katsumi, hikaru, and michiko are prime examples) and his least favorite thing is getting the question: “omg where you in ___?” they’re very emotionally and physically fatigued by all the bullshit going on around them, so they come across as fairly apathetic to most people. but in actuality, hachi is someone who craves stability and kindness, and their extremely blunt, extremely annoyed exterior hides a very soft, compassionate interior. i absolutely adore this character :D

and umm thats it for my kids! i (for the most part?) have all of the killers/victims worked out, i have my mastermind all planned, but i’m still working on a setting/obligatory extra mono-creature/how this group falls within the dr canon. i love talking about these guys so if ur interest in them pwease send me asks/messages about them 🥺

[whalien-imagines]

Screen Protector

SeokminxModelFemale!Reader (Mentionings of other groups) 

Part 1

Fluff (crackish as well)

Summary: Video games bring people together. Who ever tells you they don’t, clearly hasn’t played a good game.

Word Count: +3.1K

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I’m sorry i don’t know much about LOL besides of what my ex has taught me. Also, when the chat is italicized, they’re on a call. When it’s bold, it’s texting! (It only is meant for the group chat, but not for other characters)

Video games are a way to destress, have a fun time, and a way to make new friends. They bring out different thing about a person. How competitive they get, or how quickly they willing to break any alliance they have when it come to the final round. No bitterness there, none at all. 

It seemed to be the only way you could escape your busy life. After all those moments in front of the camera and the adoring fans, you always seemed to coming running home to your computer. No matter what time it was, you had to play, even if it was almost the crack of dawn. 

It first started off as curiosity. You saw some of your friends where going to gaming cafes or playing it when you hung out. It was frustrating because you had no experience with these types of things. Your fingers would always cramp up from the way you were holding them and your reflexes seemed to be lacking compared to others. 

That’s when you became determined to kick everyone’s ass.  

You could remember the days before you were scouted. It was the best time because all you did was get better. First it was RPG games, then it was FPS games, and then you finally got hooked on League of Legends.  

In that moment, the world finally realized they fucked up. 

You began to play the game consistently, farming up points and skills, allowing you to climb up the leaderboard. Soon you figure out that there was a pre-season to the game, so you prepared yourself for it. The season started and you were on a roll at this point. 

Your social group has realized the terrible fate that held you hostage. 

They tried getting you to stop playing and tried get you outside. However, you put up a good fight, before they completely kidnapped you in your sleep and forced you outside. 

If it weren’t for them, you would have never been scouted by the company that now manages your career as a model. 

It leaves you to where you are now, in a tiny but beautiful apartment in the heart of the city. Some would think that you have it because you have the money for it, but in all honesty, you’re just worried about being kidnapped if you had a normal apartment. It nearly happened one too many times. 

Your feet were aching from the heels you wore and the make-up on your face was starting to feel a little too heavy for you. No matter how much you tried to get used to the model life, it was quite difficult. You felt that sometimes it was hard to be yourself with a job like this. 

All everyone was doing was covering you, the pile of mess, with a blanket and expensive stuff. 

Your phone rang, and you saw that your group was online and waiting for you. 

DK97: Hurry up!!! We’re waiting for you!!!

You smiled as you threw on whatever comfortable clothes you could find, grabbed the make-up wipes, and sat down in front of your little corner dedicated to your hobby. You quickly signed in and found that everyone had been waiting for you on the group call. 

BHHM8: Where have you been?! You said 8pm the latest!!!

KSJ030: At least she made it on time for the game!! 

DK97:Hush!!!! I’m preparing myself mentally for this! 

You chuckled a bit, soon grabbing your headset and finally joined in the chat.

1Reder:Oh hush up all of you. You guys are just glad that the strongest player is here. 

BHHM8:So close on kicking you out. 

1Reder:bET

KSJ030:Both of you, SHUT UP! WE’RE STARTING!!!!!

All of you began to scream in sync as the round started. Yes, you were those people that made sure to be as extra as possible. It’s how you bonded. You began to shout on where to attack and what should be the next move. The other members began to follow and let out battle cries that only the Gods could understand. 

It wasn’t until about an hour later that the match ended. After a good fight, you found your team gaining another victory. It was something everyone needed tonight. You glanced over to you clock and found it sat 11:30 pm. You frowned, glancing back to your screen. 

1Reder: Hey, I might have to leave early this time.

A paused entered the chat, it felt heavy. 

BHHM8: We had a feeling... but luckily you’re not the only one this time. 

You smiled a bit, glad that the one teammate you butted heads with was being sort of nice. These were the only few people that you felt comfortable with. They knew when you had tough and good days. They cheered you on in your victories and sort of became family. 

It bothered you that you couldn’t tell them about what you do for a living. 

You made a name for yourself, being a very popular model in the city. It felt like everyone wanted a piece of you, but how were you going to say no when they gave you the money to live in such an expensive world? It scared you to think that they were going to be the same, even after everything. 

KSJ030: Glad I’m not the only one. I got shit to do tomorrow.

1Reder: I feel like you’re just trying to feel as important, be honest. You’re gonna play a different gAME WITHOUT US AGAIN!

KSJ030: THaT WAs oNE TimE!!

DK97:The wound is still so fresh... The betrayal is real. 

BBHM8: Vote to kick his ass out?

1Reder: I 

DK97: I

KSJ030: WHAT?! You guys can suck my big toe.

1Reder: Jinnie, you know were only joking!!! You complete us! 

KSJ030: I’ve be criticized for who i am, a human being that enjoys playing video games. NOW I’LL be the first to HANG UP THIS DAMN CALL!!!

His number quickly dropped and everyone bursted out in laughter from the dramatic man’s behavior. Most people would think that he was furious, but all of you knew that he was only playing and that he was really leaving to sleep. It was already late, and he said his roommates gets annoyed because he stays up so often. 

You glanced over to the clock and sighed in defeat. There wasn’t a way to live out your fantasy of playing LoL all day and keep this career of yours. Reality simply wasn’t allowing you. You gathered yourself quickly. 

1Reder: I’m gonna join Jinnie on this one. I have to go too now. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

With that a wave of goodbyes followed and you logged off from virtual life. For some reason, it felt sad to say bye to everyone.

Your history with your close friends was interesting. The first time you had encountered their clan, there was a bit of a misunderstanding about something. You had gotten mad with them. It took awhile for you to realized that it was wrong people. 

After long apologies, you joined their clan. 

Within the first day, everyone had agreed to keep themselves anonymous and to just be good internet friends. Sure, it was great and all but there times where you wanted to know them in person. 

It was all because everyone wanted to be your friend in real life. Fame brings all the wrong people. There are the ones that want to take pieces of you everytime they’re around you and others that just want you for the name. It made you kind of scared about everyone, because sometimes people were good at hiding their true intentions. However, the clan knew the real you. They knew how crazy you were under the well decorated mask. Sure, you expected nerds behind the screen but sometimes you felt like they were like you. Famous people who wanted nothing more than true friendship. 

Maybe you were over thinking all of this, you thought. You quickly prepared yourself for bed and passed out before you could think any further. 

The morning quickly came around and you prepared yourself for the driver coming around. There wasn’t a need to put on makeup or anything, so instead you wore causal type clothing. You said your good mornings to the driver and hid yourself in the back of the car. The drive felt long but once you arrived, the set was where everyone seemed to be rushing around. You took a quick glance at your phone and found that everyone in the group chat had woken up and seemed to be talking randomly. A small little smile began to itch at your lips, but you quickly suppressed it. You knew if you joined in, your true self would appear in front of everyone. So you ignored the chat and forced yourself to look unfazed.

The driver escorted you out of the back of the car. You glanced around the set, seeing cameras and lights decorate the place. It was a cute place. It seemed to ooze out the feelings of a first date. It made you little sad but you ignored it. Instead you were led to your dressing room by your manager. They explained that this was a music video was about a secret love between a model and each member. They said it was for a group called SEVENTEEN. Your person was Lee Chan or Dino. He was around your age, so they thought the “chemistry” would work better. You quietly nodded and sat at the chair where they prepared you.

You saw the sad look on your manager’s face. You knew he did this so you would make friends and be happy again, but he knew how scared you were. Of course, if he were in your shoes, he would be too. It’s scary that every time you made friends that they would use you. How does one say no when all they want is to be loved for who they are. He knew about your nerdy habits and who you really were, and he still appreciated you. 

In a way, he was one of the few close friends that you had. He managed your career but he always tried his best to keep you comfortable and happy too.

While you getting ready, someone else had walked into the room. A young boy who seemed to be one of the members of the group. He was already dressed up, and they seemed to do a beautiful job on getting him to boyfriend material. (Not like they weren’t already, but that’s your thoughts)

“Ah! You must be (Y/N)! I’m Lee Seokmin, one of the beautiful voices of SEVENTEEN.” He stated. His smile was beautiful, contagious even. God, how is he not chased around, or even taken by someone? However, his voice seemed oddly familiar but your couldn’t place your finger on it. Maybe it from a song you heard at a store probably. “Oh. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Are you excited?”

“I guess so.” You faked a smile. No matter how happy of a person he was, you still didn’t know him. It’s always the ones you least expect that hurt you the most. 

“You don’t seem like it.”

You quickly tensed up and sighed. He had caught you. 

“Uh...,” you turned around and faced him completely, “Look, I don’t wanna come off as an ass but I just don’t want to deal with celebrities that only care about themselves looking good for the camera.” You glanced over to your manager who seemed to be interested in the conversation. Why wasn’t the man helping you out of this?

You were starting to grow a bit nervous. It felt like he was looking for you, not at you. Could he see the facade that you were wearing? Maybe even see more than that?

“Maybe you should try to give us a try,” he mentioned. 

You chuckled a bit out of nervousness, “You’re cute Seokmin.” Then came out the words you never expected yourself to say, “Maybe I will, just for you.”

His face started to blush. You caught him off guard this time, and he liked it.

As soon as you were finished, Seokmin accompanied you down to the set and you seemed to talk naturally. His personality was really charming to you. You couldn’t help but have a good time with him. He was so funny and seemed so interested in a lot of the things you had to say. Some might have confused you for a couple (not that you were saying it’s a bad thing, but I digress). He stayed with you until it was his turn with his partner came, that’s when he had to leave. You found yourself taking the chance to look over to the group chat. 

DK97: So i met someone today

KSJ030: DetAiLS

DK97: I’LL TELL YOU GUYS LATER

You smiled a bit, he deserved love.

1Reder: YO CONGRATS

BBHM8: WHAT IS GOING ON?! Am I next?! LET ME FIND LOVEEE

You couldn’t help but laugh at your friend’s desperation, which caught the attention of other members. They quickly recognized you as the model that was all around the city. Your face decorated billboards with brands that you endorsed... which was a lot. They watched as you seemed to smile in content with whatever was on your phone. It wasn’t until Seokmin was done with filming that they saw how you lighted up and put away your phone. 

That’s when they realized what was going on. 

“How did you like my acting skills?” He joked. 

You laughed, “They might need some work, but you were cute enough to pass it off better than a dumbass.” That’s when you tensed up again. You slipped up, you thought. Instead of him being disgusted, he continued to joke around with you. He liked it and you. 

However, you still were so guarded. He saw how nervous you were on making some of the jokes and watching how he reacted. He knew it was gonna take time to get you out of your shell, but it was time that he was willing to put in. 

Soon you left to start your filming and Seokmin was left admiring you. He tried to look at his phone, but Hoshi and Seungkwan approached him before he could. 

“So you and (Y/N)?" Seungkwan started. 

He glanced at his two friends and smiled, "No, I'm trying to make her comfortable, you know?"

"That flirting says something else though." Hoshi winked at him. 

Instead of denying it, he just sighed. "I can't be thinking like that, you know? It's not fair to her to try this earlier. It gives her the impression that i think, 'oh my god shes this big celebrity, dating her means I grow in popularity!'"

"Well, it's good that you're going out and making her feel safe," Hoshi reassured him. "I wonder what she'll think about your gaming problem."

"SHHHH,"Seokmin quickly covered his mouth and glanced around to see if you were lurking anywhere, "We don't talk about that in front of the pretty girl," he whispered. His actions only made his friends start laughing. For the rest of the time, he and friends began to talk about other things and Seokmin waited for you to come back. 

He waited and waited, and when he saw Chan eating over by the food table, that's when he approached the younger member. He smiled and asked, “Hey Chan, do you where your partner happened to leave to after your shoot?”

He thought about it for a bit, “All she said was that she has an important meeting and then said goodbye.” 

It was true, you did have an important meeting... with LoL and your friends. Sure you felt bad that you left them all behind so quickly but you felt so drained after. You wanted to be 100% there for Seokmin if you ever saw him again. He was cute and definitely your type of guy but you didn’t want to get your hopes up for a guy like him. If you were to ever date him, you were afraid he was just that guy who was going to use you for your name. Go out on dates for the paparazzi and only texting when it’s convenient, it’s how it always is with fame. 

In this world, everyone uses each other to grow in popularity. 

You were doing you and him a favor with discontinuing whatever was going on between the both of you. It was just better to be safe than sorry, you thought. You quickly prepared yourself for a night of gaming. Anything to get these types of hopeful thoughts out of your head. You looked at the group chat and saw BH was desperate for anyone to come back to talk. 

BBHM8: Hey guys!

BBHM8: Please someone come back...

BBHM8:Anyone please..........

BBHM8: I’ll send someone pizza if I have to!

BBHM8: I need a girlfriend.

You smiled and began to type,

1Reder: About time you admitted it. Alright guys, let’s found our boy here a woman!

BBHM8: I hate you. 

1Reder: I love you too BH <3

Your phone began to vibrate and you glanced at it to find that it was your manager calling you instead of the group chat. It was odd to see him call so suddenly. He would always send you warning text before hand to let you know to pause your games but he went straight for it. 

Which slightly concerned you.

You quickly answered it. “Hello?”

“I need to know if I can share your number to your future husband.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Future husband? I thought we agreed I would be a lonely animal lady for life? I’ve already prepared the apartment too.” You muttered. 

You paused for a moment, who exactly was he talking about though? Seokmin maybe? He was definitely cute and seemed like he wouldn’t mind your dorky self. Maybe you were also getting your hopes to high up. No perfect man can exist. 

“Seokmin is your future husband, I thought we figured this out.” He stated. He seemed a bit distracted, almost in a rush. 

“Go ahead, but I bet you that he ain’t gonna text me.” 

He said his thank you and quickly hung up, leaving you in the dark about why he was doing this. Sometimes you wondered if your manager was using the crack that you were. You thought about asking him later. 

You felt your phone vibrate and a wave of panic hit you. 

You glanced at the name and you were found by a name that you didn’t want to see. A wave of anger it you and you ignored the wave of text that he hit you with. Every bit of hell and all the heartbreak, just so he could get his chance at fame from you. 

Who the hell gave him you new number? 

[hannahdearr]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Soft Bias Tag*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Skskjfljsl I’m living for this tag @tori-yaaaaaaa LOL I’m always soft, thanks for tagging (◕w ◕✿)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. Who is your bias?

Jungkook from BTS 

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. What made you notice them?

He really just swooped in & had all my attention when I first got into BTS & watched their MVs + when they went on ASC (’:

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. What’s your favorite thing about them?

Sweety I could write you a whole ass paper skjslfjs I love,  l o v e  his strong quiet type nature if that makes sense?? He’s more on the quiet side but he loves and cares deeply & fiercely much like I do 

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. Who would initiate skinship more?

I’m really touchy with people I’m really comfortable with soo probably me hA

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. Who would hog blankets more?

I mean I’d really try my best to make sure the blanket is shared equally tbh bc if anything I’d just kinda idon’tknowmaybecuddleclosertohimhahahahHA

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. Who would be more clingy?

Over time I’ve learned that I get really clingy annoying with my favorite people & again, those I’m really comfortable with so uhhhh  m e  (-:

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. Who would say ‘I love you’ first?

Honestly don’t know ‘bout this one chief bc I typically don’t say it unless someone says it to me first LOL but I could potentially slip for someone like Jungoo,  p o t e n t i a l l y

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･  8. Who would be more easily flustered?

Me? idk man I take into account all the tiny tiny details but so does he?? 

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. What cuddling position would you two have?

Probably my face resting on his chest & vice versa if I’m not clinging to his arm since I do cling to arms often haha wHew

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. Which colors remind you of them and why?

White + black or red--White bc of his wide array of white t-shirts from before & black / red bc of his hair and I always see him / he looks good in these colors

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. Which season would you like to spend with them?

Fall bc of the chilly nights & I hella love layering szn + coffee warming you up after a brisk wind sweeps by and idk it’s just  n i c e

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

I’m always baking and & every little thing tbh & he’s got that bratty side of him so  👀

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

I don’t think I’m quick-witted enough to make puns alone so (-: I’d probably still laugh at him endearingly every single time (’: SOFT HOURS [OPEN]

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

I think we would both very much love to adopt 50 dogs, not sure about cats but dOGS HELLOooO0o

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. Which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen try to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

Given his fear of microwaves & my extreme care to not put anything other than food and glassware in a microwave, neither BUT I still believe he’d come to the rescue if I was bein’ dumb (’:

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. Who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

Both? Both.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. What would watching a horror film with them be like?

I absolutely take any and every opportunity given to NOT watch horror films but if I somehow end up in such a predicament, I guess I’d sit through it as best I can but 10/10 I would be clinging to his arm probably trying to avert my eyes from the screen especially if and when That Scary Part™ pops up ;u; & you best believe we’re staying up for another few good hours to completely flush the movie out of my mind hA

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

I don’t think I’ve ever attempted at flirting before in my life so he could be both but we all know how flustered he gets when he does something cheesy (-: Might throw in a few cheesy lines I found on the internet but (((-:

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. Who is more competitive?

Jeon Jungkook, hands down.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. Who would have to be given constant reminders? (Remember to eat, don’t forget to your keys, etc)

Mee--I’ve always have been, always will be the Mom Friend™ so it’s uhh ya haha

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 22. Who sends memes and who sends cute ‘I miss you’ texts at 3am?

Both? Both. pt. 2

Wow what a trip I nearly dropped all my uwus thinking about these LOL

This was a fun way to past the time so you don’t have to if you don’t wanna, friends ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ @shy-filipina-fangirl @moreenchiladasplease @dreamyukhei @bymoonchild @arosequartz @passingthelights @jiminsbellybutton

[panda-noosh]

hello my dude! i have wanted to talk abt my ocs for so long but im in morocco and have literally no internet for half the time lolol. Anyhow, hereby follows my massive amount of posts about my story and characters!!! sit back and relx bc this is going to be one hell of a ride....

Ok. I guess I should talk a lil about my universe before going into detail about the characters? So this story takes place in a city called Erlyn. I have a whole history and stuff but I'll just describe it quickly, it's a city with multiple rings, the city centre is where the government is and stuff and the Important People and yknow important stuff. Second ring is where most of the shops and schools and universities are and also the biggest ring with the most people in it.

third ring is split into two parts: north and south. North is where lots of the artisanal stuff happens, agriculture and all that jazz, but south is kind of the ring where the poor live, because it's the cheapest bur also the less safe and hygienic and stuff. I don't really know how to explain it? Because they're not beggars or anything, the families that live there are just poor and don't have a lot of possibilities of work since they live on the other side of Erlyn River.

Erlyn river runs through Erlyn city and separated the North form the south, but only the third ring is actually split. and there aren't a lot of bridges either so LONG STORY SHORT it kinda sucks to live in Third South. Okay now on to the people yee!! so the scientists discovered jow to inject this chemical substance into embryo's between the 6th and 7th week of pregnancy that would cause a genetic mutation and give them "superpowers" right.

So the Scientists did that to 10 000 people on the entire earth, then shut it down because the substance was killing to many embryones. But it kinda already worked since the 10 000 people with superpowers had kids, and those kids also had a chance of inheriting those powers!! so yes science was happy. I hope you're still following me because this is where the real fun and story begins

OKAY ON TO THE CHARACTERSSSSS YEE okay so my main character's name is Arden Cowell. She's a tall girl with caramel skin, dark hair and hazel eyes. Her favourite colour is yellow, and she plays volleyball. She is very smart: she graduated one year early and wants to study medicine, but she needs money for that so she works 2 jobs to save money. She has a power, that she'll only discover later in the book: it's the power of shutting down other super's powers. (still following?)

Next are Jason and Nora Cowell, Arden's brother and sister. They're twins and save the city as twins: they're publicly known as Artemis and Apollo. Jason is very controlling but protective of his family; he won't let Arden do anything remotely dangerous for fear that she'll get hurt and always has to know where Arden and Nora are. Jason's powers are super strength and sharpshooting (hence Apollo, geddit). He's deathly afraid of anything venomous or poisonous though, because he can't fight poison

Nora is a little more chill. She loves nature and music with a passion. She really cares for her sister, but is kind of scared of Jason because he can get really scary when he wants to. The fact that everything has to go by his ways annoys her. Nora's powers are sharpshooting and energy blasts. She works as a news photographer when she isn't working, even though she sometimes has to bribe Arden into taking some pics for her when she's busy saving the city. Jason works as a reporter.

Next we got our antagonist, Calvin Price. He's the leader of a group of people who want to ban all supers from Erlyn city, because they damage the freedom of the city. He's very very smart and calculating, but not manipulating. I'd say lawful evil, tbh. He doesn't like to kill, but will if he has to to reach his goal. His followers also are not brainwashed or anything, they genuinely believe in his ideas. Very protective of his people. loves plants.

Last but not least, the actual bitch of the story, Rachel Sixton. She's basically Calvin's right hand and is with him at all times. She hates all and every super with a fiery passion and wants every last one of them dead because she (and a lot of others) think it's unnatural. She wants the world back to its natural order: chaos. Is very pretty and she knows it and will often use it to her advantage (spoiler alert; she seduces Arden). Is frankly a little insane but i kinda love her

WHOO that was it basically for what i got now. There will be more and I have some ideas but i need to define them more and i'll probably tell you about them later, but if you have any questions please don't hesistate because every one of these are my babies and i love talking about them anyways thanks for reading my little descriptions you have no idea how good this felt love you

----

I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM I WANT TO GIVE THEM HUUUUUGS!!!

please please please keep me updated as you progress with the story and the characters. i’d hate for this to be the last time i hear about them all lol.

are Jason and Nora close, even though Nora is a little bit scared of him? you know how some siblings can have that kind of relationship where they argue non-stop and they talk shit about each other, but they would still protect one another if the need arose? would Nora still protect him if he needed it?

also, are Nora and Jason younger than Arden?

i also just have to say that i love the parallels between Calvin and Rachel - the fact that you described Calvin as somebody who isn’t very manipulating, and yet he’s befriended this woman who uses her looks specifically to manipulate people just intrigues me. i can’t wait to learn more about their friendship {and i also am very interested to know how Rachel seduces Arden that seems like a wild ass ride tbh} 

[tumblunni]

More daily acconplishment diaryness!

Finished unpacking and sorted my clothes into clean and need of washing. Dug out the old webcams i was too scared to use for years and maybe i will try em once i set up the computer again?

Cleaned all the mold out of the refridgerator even though it was GROSS AND SCARY. Woo!

Also finished about 1/3rd of washing every dish i own, which is good cos they were stacked so high i couldnt even see the sink before! I actually found a bunch of dishes i'd lost while i was cleaning up before i left last month. SO MANY FALLEN SPOONS! But i didnt have time to wash any of them so i'm sure they're glad to finally be disinfected and ready to use again. Some had gone rusty or broken and had to be thrown out tho.

Made a big A3 calendar for the next 3 months so i can try and be more structured in my life. Maybe it will work? I dunno about any sort of weekly schedule yet, gonna wait until i get more clarification on what days classes are available at the library and when i'm gonna be seeing support worker richard again and Mystery New Support Worker Who Is Replacing The Hospital Basically. Like they said i can indeed have the support without the mega supervised shared housing thing, so i'm gonna be meeting a new group of mental health recovery specialist tutors who can visit me at my own home instead of me going to the hospital full time. I'm actually kinda glad of all the horrifying lack of privacy in the hospital in one way, like i've always been terrified to invite people inside my house because of the same reasons. But now in the aftermath of EVEN MORE people up in my personal space and EVEN LESS privacy and AN EVER REVOLVING LINE OF STRANGERS who DO MEDICAL TESTS ON MY PEE, it seems a little less scary to just let the same support worker sit on my sofa every month. Im still flying on the fear of all that stuff and this seems positively pleasant in comparison! And i'm sure that feeling will wear off as i become less jittery again, but by then i'll have had some practise talking to this new support worker on my sofa and hopefully i'll be less scared in general.

Oh! And i did decide one thing about a weekly schedule! I have to go out to town at least once every weekend. Or somewhere else fun on the bus. Now im not scared of regular buses i need to train myself to be less scared of the big long one in this neighbourhood. And getting to go out and experience ACTUAL SHOPS and COOL THINGS has cheered me up so much, i cant lose that just because the bus is longer now! The first planned outing is to go to town either on my birthday or the day after, cos i get my disability benefit on my birthday and i can afford to go do some mildly small fun stuff. Shame i spent all my savings and monthly bonus on preparing for stupid hospital, like man i must have wasted 500 quid on all that? The laptop and the new suitcase and new clothes and stocking up on toiletries and soooo much preparing aaa. I still dont know whether to be mad at myself for "only" lasting three weeks or proud of myself for enduring the worst three weeks ive had since i lived in a homeless shelter. Well i got free food at the hospital so it was better in that sense, but it was somehow even more invasive and nervewracking than the homeless shelter! I'd honestly prefer the days of nothing but bread and butter. And hell we had internet there and i was allowed to bring my tv even tho it was a huuuuuuge crt thing bigger than my entire body. I still have it even tho its outdated and broken cos i simply cannot carry it back down the stairs XD

ANYWAY that has been the random progress of today! Next order of business is that tomorrow i go return all the library books from the other library, and just continue going out for walks more often even if im broke and have nothing much to do. Well at least the library has a gym in pokemon go! Also hopefully the internet repair guy will call back tomorrow. And then on friday is the B day and the having money again, so lol anyone have any suggestions on what i should do to celebrate? I dont even really know what people DO when they go out for walks, aside from.. Walk. Like whats an activity i could even do on my own, aside from cinema? And i dont think theyre still showing the incredibles 2 so there might not be anything else good to see. Sigh! And then all i've got to watch out for is the Integrated Autism Service meeting on october 17th which i know NOTHING about not even where it is or what time. Hopefully i can get more details now im back home and able to meet up with dj richard the funky support worker again. Also on november 5th i have to remember to go get my eye test. I hope maybe i can get a new colour of frames this time! And then i dunno sometime nebulous in between all that i'm gonna get a phone call from the hospital guys again to settle the last of the paperwork and introduce me to the new hospital classes support person worker mystery thingieness. Which is a little anxious, so i kinda hope it happens sooner rather than later so i can continue riding the wave of relief from being home and accomplish loads of scary things before it wears off.

...man that wave is kinda annoying tho cos now i cant sleep! Im so hyped up!!i already did so many accomplishments today and they just make me hyped up to do more!!! THE LONGEST GREATEST TUESDAY OF THE YEAR