#the ideas only live in my head now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

s0fter-sin · 3 months ago

Text

trans!soap taking his baby and running away from his rich abusive husband

(cw angst, financial abuse, single threat of child abuse, single mention of transphobia)

he's owned soap for years, since he was a teenager; paid for his medication and all his surgeries and tied them so deeply, soap’s lost hope of ever getting away. he gets even worse when soap falls pregnant. he was always controlling; blowing up at him if he spent too long out of the house or did something without telling him. but he becomes utterly possessive during the pregnancy

soap knows it has nothing to do with his safety or the baby's

he knows he sees his baby as an investment; another being he can control and hold over him

he gets worse and worse but there’s nothing soap can do. there's been nothing he can do for a long time. then a few months after the baby is born, soap doesn’t watch his tone closely enough and his husband threatens to drop his baby in punishment for it

soap doesn't think. he doesn't plan

he takes his baby and runs

he sneaks out of the servant's quarters of the sterile mansion he's been forced to live in for almost a decade and walks down the street without a backwards glance; his baby the only thing in his arms. he knows all of his husband's cars have trackers, all of them in his name since he never lets soap drive or go anywhere by himself, so he walks far enough to be out of view of the mansion's cameras and steals one. it doesn't have a car seat and all he can do is clutch his baby to his chest as he drives

he doesn't know where he's going beyond away

he doesn't know what he's going to do; he doesn't have any money, no supplies for his baby, he doesn't even have water for himself so he can reliably breastfeed him. he's terrified his husband will find them; he’s always felt omniscient, always everywhere and seeing everything he did. if he didn’t have eyes somewhere, he paid someone who did and they always dutifully reported back to him

soap just keeps his eyes forward. just keeps driving and driving, lost to the road and numb until the low gas light pops up on the dash and it all hits him at once

he turns into a gas station he can't pay for, in a car he stole, and parks behind it and his baby immediately starts getting fussy

he can't even call him by his name sometimes; too afraid to get attached, too afraid to lose him. as if he doesn’t love him more than life itself

even throughout his pregnancy, as happy as he was to finally have a baby, he didn't know if he could carry to term and that fear just let his husband dig his claws in even deeper; paying for extra scans he could never hope to pay for, favours on top of favours so he would aways owe him and isn’t he such a loving husband? taking soap in when his parents kicked him out for being trans, looking after him for all these years? you can’t even take care of yourself john, you’d still be a woman without me, john, what is this tantrum about john-

soap tugs his shirt up to let his baby feed, drops his head back and cries

he can't stop it; wails loud and uncontrolled, chest heaving with his sobs enough that it sways his baby, occasionally breaking his latch and he can't even do this right-

he can't save him

a light knock sounds on the window and soap flinches, curling over his baby to protect him from his huband's cruel hands

but it's not his husband outside the window

soap blinks tears from his eyes and looks at the large stranger standing beside the car. a neck gaiter covers his mouth and it should be off-putting… but something about him stops the feeling in its tracks. the stranger takes a half-step back and lifts a chilled and sealed water bottle, pressing it towards the window

soap quickly swipes his face clean and rolls down the window. "sorry 'bout that," he apologises with a choked laugh, the careful front he’s built over the years cracked and bleeding

the stranger gives a dismissive but somehow not diminishing shrug. "long day?" he asks

"could say that," he gives a shrug of his own and pats his baby's back as he makes a disgruntled noise, unconsciously swaying him

he politely keeps his gaze up on his face. "looks like you could use a break."

soap's breath hitches, anxiously darting his tongue out over his bottom lip. "could say that," he repeats uselessly and takes the water with a quiet “thanks,”; his throat dry and screaming for it after crying so hard

the stranger hums, watching him down the bottle and soap doesn’t notice his eyes drifting to the backseat and footwell of the passenger side. doesn’t notice the slight tension in his fists at what he sees. "how long you been runnin', lad?"

soap freezes, the water settling in his stomach like a stone. he swallows thickly and the bottle falls from his lips

"not long enough."

the stranger just nods, looking idly back down the highway

"you know, this place is connected to a garage,” he starts, nodding back to a building attached to the station without taking his eyes off the road. “lotta people drift through 'ere on road trips; too many to keep track.”

soap frowns slightly, shifting his hold on his baby

“funny thing is, plenty of 'em just abandon their car when they break down. like yours,” he adds and finally turns back to him with a pointed look. “got a whole junkyard of 'em. just rustin' away. be pretty easy to convince me to trade ya one."

soap’s mouth parts in a gasp as he realises just what the stranger’s saying. "how easy?" he whispers

he shrugs and even with his face hidden beneath the gaiter, he doesn’t feel afraid. "i'd say this car'd be a good deal. would blend right in with the rest of ‘em; no one’d ever notice it. what say i take it off your hands?"

soap's breath shudders out of him, his whole body going limp with relief. his baby's eyes fall shut with a satisfied hum and for the first time he can remember, he feels the gentle touch of hope

"i think we can work something out."

🧼💀

ghost owns the service station soap pulled into. he wanted something quiet and isolated after he retired and you can’t get much quieter than a backwoods servo surrounded by forest. he hasn’t had anyone pull in in days so he’s quick to notice soap’s car. he’s also quick to notice soap's subsequent breakdown in one of the cameras. the sight of him crying, desperately clutching a baby like they’re all he has left in the world, is so familiar he felt sick with it

he knows someone running when he sees it

if he didn't check on him, if this lad disappeared one day and the baby along with him, he'd never forgive himself. the lad doesn't even have a baby bag or car seat with him, and the personalised sticker on the back window of a lady and a dog is a dead giveaway that the car is stolen

but the lad is terrified. and when he startled him, he didn't turn. didn’t lift his arms to protect himself. no

he covered his baby

like he was afraid he'd be hurt

that's enough for ghost

🧼💀

i'd wanna set this in the 80's or 90's, just to make it even harder for soap to get away from his husband. he's a trans man with a newborn; he has no one to run to and no resources to help him. his husband's bought and paid for everything for him since he was 17; a few whirlwind weeks of unbelievable dates and extravagant gifts and he was living in his mansion, getting married the day after his 18th birthday. he thought it was love. thought he was being looked after and cared for the way he’s always wanted

he was in pain and alone and naive enough to believe the first person who came along and promised to make it better. nothing's in his name, not his insurance or his meds, he doesn’t have a bank account or savings; other than a birth certificate, nothing even ties him to his baby. his husband could take his world away from him with a snap of his fingers and he made sure soap always knew it

he never had a chance of getting away

but ghost is ex-military

he doesn’t know the lad’s story, doesn’t know the details of what he’s running from. he doesn’t need to know

he decided he was helping him the second he pulled into his service station

#what up i had a nightmare about an eldritch horror trying to steal my baby and john mcclane from die hard shooting it to protect me #i woke up freaked out and decided to torment soap with it to feel better #thats literally the only reason this exists #that and the thought of soaps super hairy chest but thats besides the point #anyway #i was going to have ghost be a drifter after retiring but i like the idea of him being the unlikely safe person living out in the woods #ghost moves soap into the little one bedroom cabin he built behind the station #its hidden by the trees and kept warm by a fire. he gives soap and the baby the bedroom and sleeps out in the living room #he keeps watch out the window for whoevers after soap #he doesnt find out who it is for a while; soaps been burned and reluctant to trust anyone #but they gradually heal each other; ghost gives soap someone to trust and soap helps ghost heal his truma by giving him someone he can save #soap starts to work in the service station despite ghost telling him he doesnt need to but he wants his independence back #he finds he likes working and ghost cant take that from him when hes so obviously happy cleaning and shelving stock #soaps husband comes looking for him but ghost still has his contacts and calls a whole militia down on his head #each one of them with favours in the government if not outright political immunity; money means nothing in the face of them #they just threaten him; lets him know soap is protected now #at least; thats what ghost tells soap 😉#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #save post

227 notes · View notes

domsaysstuff · 2 years ago

Text

(ronance, robin(/a lil bit stobin too)-centric, side steddie fic idea)

So I'll probably at this point will never write this idea but I still wanted to share it with the fandom so I'll just dump my ramblings abt it here

I've been toying with the idea of actually nancy falling for Robin first and also Robin's queer adolescence and how Robin's trauma goes into her relationships

Specifically her relationship with Vicky

I just want her to care? To feel like the world is breaking because it's her first relationship??? like i want her to try and try to make this relationship work and still it doesn't because vicky wanted a clumsy cute normal girl and robin is all of that but also, also she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, there are days where she needs to keep holding steve's hand to be okay, to remind themselves that they are real and here and alive and she has a group of people that she's very codependent with, a group of people that vicky will never fully be absorbed with and like all of this is fine if it's something vicky could take but she doesn't want and she doesn't have to!! but like it still hurts robin deeply because vicky is kind and she likes her back and she's her first love and to lose that slowly, to see vicky get overwhelmed with all of this is killing robin, it's making her feel even more broken and it hurts but also, it's just how things go

sometimes you fall in love and you get loved back and it still doesn't work out

it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt tho

so i just want her to care i want her to be hurt deeply in a way only first relationships hurt

Like I want Vicky and Robin to be cute and together and I want Robin to like her so fucking much and I want it to fail anyway because that's how it sometimes is no matter how smitten Robin is, how much they want it to work and it hurts, it hurts because it's unfair and it hurts because it's just how it goes and there is also just nothing special about it

And like Robin understands, but it hurts and it feels like there is just one more wrong thing with her, before she couldn't connect with people because of her being a lesbian and now when she found a girl that likes her she can't connect with her because of her trauma and it feels unfair, so fucking unfair

And at the beginning from Robin's side Ronance is platonic because she's preoccupied with Vicky and also because Nancy is Robin's first female friend

The thing is that Robin has grown up weird, it's like everybody could smell the queer on her before she could even understand it herself and so at first ronance from robin's pov is just a lot of being grateful for having a girl friend, for experiencing girl nights and sleepovers and Nancy doesn't make her feel like a freak and it feels safe and girly in a way Robin has never allowed herself to feel, always just too uncomfortable around girls even before she knew why, so she's kind of reliving her girlhood and honestly i think she deserves it

Meanwhile Nancy in the background is just working through her compulsory heterosexuality and figuring out she's a lesbian and she has been halfway in love with Robin since the Creel thing

Also I feel like Vicky would try to be supportive but she wouldn't get it but Nancy does

i have this scene

in my mind

like robin's nightmares are fine for vicky, it's when she's waking up all panicky and she needs steve in a way Vicky just doesn't get why, it's not that she doesn't try to be supportive but she doesn't get it

but one night when robin sleeps over at nancy's and she wakes up with steve's name on her lips, she gets nancy's hand on her back drawing small circles, little movement reminding her she's not alone and nancy calling steve on the walkie, not because robin asked but because nancy knew it was what robin needed, robin fell asleep again with nancy's arms around her and steve's voice on the walkie that night

and then in the morning nancy is like "don't mention it, sometimes i need to call jon, just to hear his voice, i understand the need" bc i'm a firm believer that jonathan is to nancy what steve is to robin and i will take no criticism (but i will accept that it might also be eddie and not jonathan but like also they are both her bestfriends you honor)

but robin is like feeling this queer dissonance bc she still doesn't know nancy isn't straight and it's like, yeah, but it's different. It's always different for me. you call jonathan because he's your boyfriend, that's what couples do, i call steve because he's an extension of me i didn't knew was walking outside of my body before i found him and suddenly i was whole again, i don't want to ever kiss him but i want to spent my life with him but she doesn't say that, because nancy might be kind and understanding, but she still was nancy the priss wheeler and robin doesn't want to lose girls' nights and sleepovers in one bed and this easy friendship because she's different again, so she just smiles and later when steve arrives to pick her up she cries in his shoulder

Like this scene is mostly a foreshadowing of how much Nancy fits and gets it

Also Steve and Robin platonic soulmates supremacy so a lot if this is also platonic soulmates stobin because Robin realizes she's going to leave for college soon and she doesn't want to leave without Steve, even if he won't be alone in hawkings bc he has the kids and Eddie (bc Eddie lives, ofc, i'm not killing my baby, lmao, also there is a steddie sideplot, imma talk abt it in a second)

But Steve is hers and she is Steve's first and she doesn't want to leave him, can't imagine, feels like leaving half of her body and it's not fair, but also can't take it upon herself to ask him to leave with her because she doesn't think she can handle it if he says no

And so like the fic would starts in late April/early may and Robin is trying so hard with holding the ones she has so close because she's going to leave and she's trying to grasp on the last crumbles of her teenage years and onto her relationship with Vicky and throughout all of this Nancy is this constant that just is there, steady, safe and becoming actually one of her best friends

And it surprises her, because it was easy to be friends with Eddie once they bonded over being gay and also caring for Steve, it was somewhat comfortable to have a budding relationship with Jonathan and Argyle, caring for the kids came with caring for Steve because they are somewhat also a part of him and he is part of her so they are also hers but Nancy always was so unreachable, so far away so untouchable, except she wasn't

Except she was there inviting Robin to sleepovers and over milkshakes and stupid diners and going over college application with her and talking about Steve and Jonathan and Eddie with fondness because these are their boys and somehow Nancy has become an integral part of Robin's life

And so a lot of the first part of the fic is Robin trying to hold onto all those things before she moves to college

And then Vicky breaks up with Robin in the middle of july, and it's a nice weather, Robin wishes it was raining and the thing is that even when breaking up with her Vicky is just so sweetly nice, so perfect and Robin wishes she could hate her, that she could be mad, but she only feels sad, so incredibly fucking sad, it feels like something that she saw coming, because she did, she knew it was going to end like this, but even when breaking up with her Vicky wasn't mean, was nice enough to tell Robin, to lie, she just doesn't want to do long distance

it's when Steve is comforting her abt the break up that Robin ask him to come with her, she already had her heart ripped out once today, it's a little bit self-destructing, it's maybe her punishing herself for her codependency that in her eyes cost her her relationship, but he says yes, is ecstatic, because wherever she goes he won't hesitate to follow, they are a package deal after all, somehow they also rope Eddie into it and it makes sense, it makes sense to leave with both Steve and Eddie that have become such vital parts of her, steve is an extension of her outside of her body, but Eddie is someone who understands and fits between the spaces that she and Steve leave behind seamlessly, it would make sense to leave and take them with her

quiet interlude to explain the steddie side plot because it's now kind of necessary

so i have this in mind that like steve knows he's bi before the whole vecna, he figured it out with robin after starcourt

and robin already feels like having one other queer person in hawkings is extraordinary but then vecna happens and eddie joins the crew, eddie with his bandana, eddie with his big boy and chains and jokes and attitude and robin and steve argue back and forth if he is queer or not, while also steadily forming a friendship with him and it's just robin wants him to be so bad, because a part of her feels like eddie understands the queer parts of her that steve bless him never could, bc steve somehow could hide behind the heteronormality but robin and eddie never had a choice, they were always too weird, too different for that, but robin is afraid, it's steve, brave steve that ends up coming out to eddie first in a comment that he plays of as nonchalant but robin sees right through him, he's afraid and yet, and yet he barrels through, holds himself under eddie's gaze and is brave because that what steve is, brave

and so they're my three queer best friends and i love them

Also this is once again me pushing Steve is a brave, beautiful boi agenda

and robin sees how eddie looks at steve and steve at eddie and she thinks that maybe steve just is oblivious (i mean after they all came out to each other, thanks to steve) but then she talks to steve about it

and the thing is that steve knows that eddie wants him, that he's attracted to him, but steve actually fucking likes eddie, might actually fucking love him

and after the whole being bullshit and all the girls that went out with him because they wanted king steve and not steve he doesn't know, doesn't trust himself to know if eddie likes him the same way

He doesn't trust himself to not be bullshit again

and eddie is a bit of coward, like let's face it, that boy is ready to pine his whole life for steve harrington if it gets him to just exist in his space

and so steve just doesn't let himself have this

because he would rather to have him as a friend than an ex-hookup and he couldn't have handled it if that's all what eddie wanted to be, so they're like tragically pinning, they're my idiots you honor

So then the summer is ending and so they organize a party to celebrate the last days they have together, the whole party and when there is only a spicy six left Robin, my baby comes out as a lesbian!! And she's so afraid of Nancy's reaction, but Nancy, beautiful, kind, stubborn Nancy just takes her hand and says with a smile that she's glad that she told them and her smile is beautiful, happy and Robin feels like a weight is lifted off of her because now, now she doesn't feel like she might lose her friendship with Nancy too, because she was so afraid that once Nancy will know, it will be the end of them, it's why she waiting until both of them are going away, until the pain of missing her won't be as visible because Nancy isn't supposed to be there with her anyway

So after that

Nancy ofc goes to NY

Robin, Steve and Eddie somehow land in Chicago and my boy Eddie is a mechanic for sure bc i love the idea, Robin ofc will be studying and I haven't decided what Steve will be doing

And Jonathan and Argyle will stay in Hawkins, taking their gap year

Robin thinks it's partly why Steve wasn't as afraid to come with her, knowing Jon will be there keeping an eye on Hawkins, on the kids, because it's not that Steve doesn't trust Joyce and Hopper but he doesn't trust them to call them when things go bad, and kids are always too preoccupied to call when things go wrong and he trust, trusts Jon to call when things go code red in Hawkins, also i think Jon deserves a gap year, let that boy relax please

And so Nancy calls, all of them do actually, the kids and Jonathan with Argyle, I kind of like to think that like sometimes all three Robin and Steve and Eddie are gathered around the phone talking with whoever calls, like Steve is painting Robin's nails while listening to Eddie and Jon arguing about some music thing on the phone while Robin keeps adding her opinion only to stir shit up even more and sometimes it's Eddie and Steve parenting Dustin while Robin just lays next to them doing her school assignments

But Nancy calls when she also knows Robin is just there alone, Nancy calls and asks her about Chicago and college and it's good, it's good talking with her

Also I have this scene in my head where Nancy and Robin talk about Barb, it's late and Robin is alone in the apartment, Eddie and Steve gone somewhere together and Nancy is talking about how sometimes she finds it hard, knowing that Barb probably wouldn't have recognized her now, that she changed, grew up and she isn't the same person that Barb was friends with anymore (my personal headcanon is that Nancy didn't even want to be a journalist before Barb's death, but after seeing how they covered it up, how the press twisted and manipulated the truth she wanted to be the one good one, for Barb, a sense of justice paid to her through others, it's why she wanted the facts for Eddie so hard)

And Robin asks her how she deals with it and Nancy says that she just has to, it won't go anywhere, she won't stop aging, "besides" she says "eddie recently told me something and, don't tell him that, but it was actually pretty smart"

"Impressive for him" Nancy giggles and it's good to know her giggles make her feel the same feeling of accomplishment even through the phone

"Anyway, he told me that we survived so we could change. That we are the lucky ones that get to change, dead people don't change. So it's good, to sometimes, become something new"

And it sticks with Robin and she somehow that leads her to asking Steve to cut her hair even shorter because hair holds memory and she wants to have space for new ones, the good ones, she wants to see them grow (one of this days I will think of a sapphic idea that doesn't involve hair, i swear, but today is not the day) also both Robin and Steve dye a strand of their hair pink, for platonic soulmate unity reasons

so anyway chicago is good, good for her and Steve and Eddie and they're thriving and they're finding queer bars and are growing up, becoming adults together and like Robin manages to hook up with a girl and meet more queer people, grow into herself and there a set backs and bad days, like once a girl started roleplaying a cop as a part of foreplay and asked "where do you work" in a voice that reminded Robin too much of the russians and the torture, she cried for an hour and a half on the girl's floor, before she managed to exhaust herself and only then she managed to give out their number so the girl could call Steve to pick her up, she cried in Stevie's arms the whole night after that because she just felt broken like yes she could move, she could grow up, she could experience new things but the trauma will always be a part of her

and so then! we have like two important seeing nancy moments

one where everybody comes back to hawkings for smh idk if will be holidays or smh or smh different, but even if nancy and robin called on a regular it's the first time she's seeing her since they went away for college and during that time robin finally catches up to nancy and realizes she's in love with her

But she thinks it's hopeless because Nancy hasn't yet came out to Robin (in my mind Eddie helped her in figuring it out during summer, she came out to Jon in the meantime after moving but before this coming home and during the stay in Hawkins she will come out to Steve but it will be unnecessary bc honestly Steve suspected that Nancy liked Robin since fucking the first words of the fic) and so Robin pulls away

Also during this visit is when she asks Wayne how he dealt with dating people after going to war, did he ever manage to separate his trauma and his dating life and he tells her that there are people who will understand and love her with her trauma not despite of her (with like a heavy look towards Nancy bc Uncle Wayne knows what the fuck is up)

Oh also per Chicago being good for the boys, it's where Steve finally allows himself to be loved, it's where they come home to each other, it's where they stay with each other, it's where they slow dance together in the kitchen, it's where Steve realizes that Eddie is here to stay, when Steve tells Robin he kissed Eddie over dinner, they both cry, simply because they are happy, Robin is so glad that Steve finally, finally is happy and healthy and is letting himself be loved how he deserves

and then we have a second time where the whole spicy six gather in New york to celebrate with nancy i'm thinking maybe new year??

and then nancy comes out as a lesbian and like than robin realizes what nancy was doing all this time, she realizes that they are steve and eddie (because eddie has waited, all this time until steve was ready, was right beside him when steve blossomed into someone who could trust that eddie wants him back, eddie waited and nancy... nancy waited too) and it's like the both of them go to bed together ofc and robin has this like feeling of, they had time, they finally have time, and they could take it in whatever pace they want, this like finality of feeling that they are finally on the same page and the rest is like fluff

Also something something Nancy belonging to NY and being even more beautiful somewhere where she is healthy and happy and thriving, something something about rosy cheeks and long coats and frosty kisses

So i guess i just want Robin to like grow into herself and who she is in relationships and have experience and grow comfortable in herself before she let herself love Nancy, i want them to be friends first and also i want the slow burn of it all

#i'm putting this here bc i kind of want attention but also i have so many unwritten fic ideas that i never shared here only with my friends #that its just #and like i said ill probably never write this one bc recently i have been distracted with a nancy-centric ronance fic idea in my head but #i still love this one a lot also i have still so many ideas abt it that i havent written out like the whole steddie side plot lives rent #free in my mind #btw if you follow me for a while you've probably seen me talking abt screaming fic ideas into my friends dms and if you ever wondered how #it looks like this is literally plugged from one of my dms with my friend sbsjsn so now you know #dom's au idea of the day #ronance #platonic stobin #steddie #fruity four #stranger things #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #eddie munson #fic idea

40 notes · View notes