#the idea of making myself do other things? great idea

[likeumeanit9497]

blue pill | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: alternate outcome of this;)

warnings: unprotected p in v; oral (m/f receiving); fingering; switch!matt; matt the munch (yes pls); dirty talk; use of boner pills; deepthroating; 18+

notes: here u are my matt queens!! if u start reading this and think ummm hello i've read this before????? no u haven't dw this has the exact same beginning as red pill the reader just makes a different choice when things start gettin hot;) if you've read red pill already and don't feel like u need a refresher on the buildup skip to the bolded sentence. i hope y'all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it!! love u all so so much <333

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“This is so fucking stupid.” Matt groaned, sitting in between his brothers on the living room couch, holding a single red pill delicately in between two fingers as though it was a toxin. “Bro you’re the one who came up with the idea and bought them.” Chris retorted, inspecting the identical pill in his own hand. “Yeah, and I have no fucking clue why I agreed to this.” Nick chimed in, his voice filled with misery. “Because you can never turn down a competition.” I replied cheekily from my place on the other couch, giggling at the boys’ petty arguing.

Leaning forward, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket — opening up the timer app and hovering my finger over the start button. “Now hurry up and take them dummies, I’ll keep score.” I peered up at them as they gave each other tentative looks, seemingly hoping that one was going to have a change of heart. When nothing but silence followed, they all seemed to unanimously commit, dropping the red pills on their tongues and chasing them down with soda. As soon as they swallowed, I started the timer and sat back; crossing my arms across my chest with a smirk plastered to my face.

After the guys had posted the video at the gas station where Matt was talking about his idea for the sex pills, I had jokingly messaged him saying that I would gladly keep score if they really did it. Taking my message seriously, Matt had secretly gone out and grabbed three pills before inviting me over tonight. Thinking we were all just going to hangout, I was shocked when I showed up to find the pills neatly lined up on the coffee table and the three brothers pacing around the room arguing. After plenty of deliberation, Matt finally convinced Nick and Chris, and now here they were; awkwardly looking between themselves and me.

“How long do these even take to kick in?” Asked Chris, toying with the can of Pepsi in his hand. Grabbing one of the packages from the coffee table, Matt examined it for a moment. “It says thirty minutes.” He replied, sighing and running a hand through his messy hair. “This is ridiculous.” Remarked Nick, shaking his head as though he was disappointed in everyone in the room. Still giggling, I stretched my legs along the couch. “Oh come on,” I whined, “Relax, get comfy, and let the games begin.”

𓆩☆𓆪

“Okay, this isn’t working.” Nick deadpanned, locking his phone and throwing it beside him. “Really?” Asked Chris, turning to face his brother. Dropping his jaw, Nick made a disgusted face. “Is it for you?” Chris smirked bashfully, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m feeling somethin’.” He replied, to which Matt and Nick both groaned. “What about you Matt?” I asked, eyeing his still-relaxed frame leaning against the couch. Jutting out his bottom lip, he shrugged. “No, nothin’.” Chris groaned beside him, and I couldn’t help but notice him adjust himself slightly. “Great, now I feel weird.” He said, grabbing a blanket and swiftly draping it across his lap. I laughed and slowly pulled myself up from the couch.

“Looks like you might end up being the loser.” I teased as I began tidying up the packages strewn around the room. “I will n-” Dropping to my knees, I collected torn up pieces of packaging that had gathered at Chris’s feet. Noticing that Chris’s words had been cut short and now the room had fallen into heavy silence, I glanced up at him through my eyelashes. His eyes — which from up close seemed glassy and dilated — were on me, his mouth open slightly from his disrupted speech, and even his breathing seemed slightly rapid as his chest rose and fell.

Noticing this, Nick threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly. “Chris are you serious? See I knew this was a fucking horrible idea.” His sharp words pulled Chris’s eyes away from me, and he winced at his brother. “I’m sorry,” He replied, his words aimed at both Nick and myself, “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me.” He added, seeming to grow increasingly uncomfortable. I giggled nervously before pulling myself back up to my feet. “It’s okay.” I reassured him before bringing the packages to the garbage; using the short walk to recover from that oddly intense moment.

As I returned, I suddenly noticed Matt fidgeting in his place on the couch, his brows knit in what seemed to be anguish. With Nick scrolling on his phone and Chris burying his head in his hands, I seemed to be the only one noticing Matt’s sudden discomfort. I chuckled as I slid back into my seat. “You good Matt?” I asked, teasing him. His eyes shot up to mine, and I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed nervously. “Uh…yeah. All—all good.” He replied, his voice thick and slightly raspy.

Glancing down at my phone, I check the timer. It had been 32 minutes since they took the pills. I smiled gently. “Right on time.” I replied, shooting him a knowing look which just made him grow even more visibly restless. My comment grabbed the attention of Nick and Chris, and they turned to look at their rosy-cheeked brother. “You too?” Nick shouted, jumping up off of the couch. Matt grimaced, shrugging his shoulders again. “It’s not like I can control it.” He replied, letting out an uncomfortable laugh. Sighing, Nick began walking towards the stairs. “Whoa! Where are you going?” Chris asked him. “Nothing is happening to me dumbass! And I will absolutely not be sitting around you two anymore now that you’re both bricked up.” He sassed as he began climbing the stairs. “Good luck Y/n!” He called as he disappeared into his bedroom.

“Looks like we’re in a 1 v 1.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows teasingly. I registered the look of torment on the faces of Matt and Chris, and decided that it would be in my best interest to hold back my laughter. “Let’s see who can make it to an hour.” I added. Chris grunted as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I’ll be lucky if I make it another five minutes.” He replied, his voice also more gruff than usual. “Aww c’mon, you can do it.” I encouraged, moving to place a reassuring hand on his knee but deciding against it. As the room fell back into silence, I could hear Matt’s heavy breathing permeated by the occasional soft whine.

Although I was trying to keep things light-hearted, their overwhelming arousal was growing more and more palpable. My wandering eyes flittered from Matt’s bottom lip pulled in between his teeth to Chris’s temple coated in a sheen of sweat. As I focused on their features, it was as though their chemically-induced lust was contagious. I began to feel my own heart pounding in my chest, and I noticed a dampness in my panties that hadn’t been there before. In that silent room, all of our desires suddenly fell in sync with one another, and it was growing harder and harder to ignore.

“I need to go deal with this.” Chris suddenly blurted out, his voice laced with urgency as his focused eyes stared straight ahead. “You’re throwin’ in the towel?” Asked Matt, his lips curling into a smile infused with what seemed to be an odd combination of arrogance and relief. Chris winced as he tried to lean forward, nodding his head intensely. I watched in painful silence as he folded his hands together and pressed them against his plump lips, deep in thought. Very slowly, his eyes were pulled in my direction.

I froze under his gaze, the look he was giving me was worth a thousand words. My brows furrowed momentarily, instinctually denying what his eyes were asking me, before I felt my body begin to react. Heart pounding in my ears, I leaned back against the couch and crossed my legs; dying for some relief. “Hey—what’s going on?” Matt’s voice infiltrated mine and Chris’s stare-down. Picking up on the shift of air in the room, his eyebrows shot up. “Chris, no! That’s not how this works.” He exclaimed, turning to face his brother. Still looking at me, a smirk pulled at the corner of Chris’s lips. “We never laid down any ground rules kid.” He replied, and I felt my throat go dry.

“Well…” Matt’s exasperated voice trailed off for a moment, “Well, who said you get to fuck her?” The words sat heavy in the air around us, the reality of the situation being verbalized for the first time. I couldn’t manage to get a single word out if I tried, nor did I have the power to pull my eyes from Chris’s heady gaze. Chris chuckled, pulling himself off of the couch before slowly beginning to walk towards me. “No one,” He began, his voice suddenly menacing, “That’s up to her.” He finished just as he stopped in front of me, his frame towering above me with his tantalizing bulge directly in my line of sight.

Very slowly, he leaned down so that we were once again face-to-face. I felt my cheeks burn red from the situation I had suddenly found myself in, and the desire was radiating off of me in pulses. “What do you say?” He asked, his dilated eyes flooded with amusement. I swallowed, trying my best to re-instate my own vocal chords. Just as I was about to squeak out a response, a mindless gasp fell from my lips as Chris ducked his head down; his face buried in my neck.

My eyes fluttered shut momentarily, but once they opened they immediately landed on Matt’s tense figure sitting on the couch. His eyes were wide open, showing me just how badly he was suffering in that moment. The sheer need radiating from his gaze on me was infiltrating my mind, but the feeling of Chris’s warm breath dancing against my neck made it difficult for anything else to matter.

That is, until my eyes trailed down to Matt’s lap.

In between his fidgeting thighs, I saw the perfect outline of his cock. His pitiful arousal was evident in the shaded contours of his length in combination with the dark bead of pre-cum leaking through his grey sweats, letting me know that he had made the unsavoury decision of skipping on boxers. The visual of it — him being so transparently aroused while simultaneously ashamed — caused my mind to wander.

It wandered to the thought of me on my knees, wrapping my lips around his satin-skinned cock while he twitched and moaned out my name; dying to give into a release that was almost too much to handle. It wandered to the feeling of his sharp breath against my skin as he whined into my touch; bucking his hips as I teased his sensitive tip. It wandered to the idea of him taking out his insatiable hunger on my core — now slick with arousal —licking, sucking, groaning against its heat.

My silence flooded the room, and as I fought against the urge to drool at the thoughts swimming through my mind, a look of recognition flashed across Matt’s flushed face. I kept my eyes glued to him as Chris’s mouth traveled across my neck, and watched his heaving chest and white-knuckled fists at his side. His eyes — now four shades darker and twice as droopy as they usually are — were telling me a story. A story of exactly what he wanted to do to me — what he wanted me to do to him. And then — just as Chris nibbled against a particularly sensitive part of my neck and my eyes fluttered shut in pleasure, another soft whine slipped from the lips of the man watching me. The one who so clearly needed my help.

Using all my self restraint, I placed a gentle but firm hand on Chris’s chest. “I’m sorry Chris,” I spoke, feeling bad about my inability to help out both brothers. But, I knew for a fact that Chris had a much longer roster than his triplet brother, and was sure that he would be able to have someone over in less than 10 minutes to help him out. At my words, Chris released a disappointed huff of air against my skin but didn’t fight against my hand. As he stood up, I had to force my eyes away from his own visible arousal that was still within my reach.

“I wouldn’t recommend staying out here, I’m gonna get Marie to come over.” Chris grumbled, his voice still thick with arousal, before shooting his brother the middle finger and heading for the stairs leading to his bedroom. Once we were alone, the weight of the situation seemed to fill the space between us, making it difficult for me to breathe. The intensity of Matt’s gaze, never once leaving me, didn’t make things any easier — his retinas might as well have been screens playing out all of the filthy scenes that were running through both of our minds.

Forcing myself back to reality, I gathered all of my thoughts and nudged my head in the direction of his bedroom down the hall. “Should we go?” My question elicited the harsh bob of his Adam’s apple, and a curt nod of his head. On shaky legs, I stood up. He wrapped an uncertain, hovering arm around my waist and together we began walking towards his bedroom. As we walked, I felt, more than heard, his breathing grow more and more rapid; his pulse radiating from his body into my own.

Just as we passed the kitchen and entered the hallway, Matt stopped in his tracks. “Wait, Y/n,” Gently, he grabbed onto my hips and pressed me against the wall, standing in front of me with concern etched into his face. “Are you sure you’re good with this?” His question a paradox to his obvious desperation to get relief, I stifled a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure.” I replied, amused. Still not satisfied, he continued. “I just don’t want you to think that you have to do this, I mean I got these pills as a joke and really just invited you to keep score. You’re my friend and I don’t want you to think this was my pl—”

I cut him off with a finger pressed gently to his soft lips. Although his concern was charming and even comforting to me, it was entirely unnecessary. “Matt,” I began, my voice dropped to a low whisper as I looked up at him through my eyelashes, “I’m good with this.” Tracing the tattoos on his arm slowly, I continued, “See for yourself.” His eyes scanned my face for a moment, confused, before a glint of understanding appeared. Very slowly, his eyes dropped to my lower half and wordlessly I encouraged him by widening my stance slightly. One of his hands that had been resting on my hip began toying with the waistband of my shorts, before it creeped down the front of the cotton material blindly.

As soon as his long fingers reached my slippery heat, we both released simultaneous groans. His skin was so cold against my own, and as they gently slid in between my folds it sent a delicious shiver down my spine. “God,” Matt breathed, his eyes glued to my clothed heat as though he had x-ray vision. I bit my lower lip as I fought the urge to moan from the feeling of his exploring fingers, but all restraint disappeared once he reached my throbbing bundle of nerves. As the erotic noise fell from my lips, Matt’s eyes fluttered back up to mine before he pulled my lips into a feverish kiss.

Drawing slow circles against my clit, Matt’s tongue slipped delicately into my mouth with a certain hunger I hadn’t quite experienced before. Even as I relished in the taste of him combined with the exquisite pressure he was using against my nerves, I recognized that he was holding back some of his desperation. “Like that,” I breathed against his lips, panting as he worked me into a frenzy. He released a puff of air through his nostrils in response, shifting on his feet as he struggled to keep his composure.

“S-so wet for you.” I continued egging him on, finding his resistance to let go erotic. “S-so wet.” He parroted, his breathing rapid against my swollen lips before they traveled down my jaw and onto my neck. My eyes fluttered shut as I felt his mouth toy with my delicate skin, though the feeling was cut short as he pulled his head back slightly, his breathing hot against my ear. “D-don’t love that.” He muttered, running his thumb along my neck where I was sure his brother had left dark purple bruises just moments before.

Grabbing his jaw, I gently pulled his face up so that I could lock eyes with him. His fingers were still circling my clit, so through breathy gasps I spoke, “Why don’t you plant your own somewhere else?” I watched as his face suddenly grew overcome with aching fervour, before his hands slid back to my waistband and he sunk to his knees; taking my shorts and thong down to my ankles with him. My gaze followed him to the floor, and with a slacked jaw I watched as Matt took in the sight of me exposed just inches away from him. His hands crawled back up my thighs and his thumbs brushed delicately against the silky smooth skin of my bikini line before he brought his mouth to my pelvis.

His tongue swirled against my skin in a place I was sure had never been kissed before. He groaned, the sound muffled by his suckling lips, and I felt as though I might melt away from how worshipped I felt in that moment. My skin began to grow warm under his nibbling and sucking, and my stomach flipped from the sight of the angry purple bruise he had left once his mouth began moving closer to my aching core.

Just as Matt’s nose brushed against my heat, he pulled back slightly and used his grip on my thighs to pull my legs further apart. With a look of anguished hunger, he pulled his lower lip between his teeth as his thumbs spread apart my folds; granting him an unrestricted view of the arousal dripping from my core. “Jesus,” His singular word held the weight of all of the desire radiating between the two of us, and like the snap of an elastic band, all of his self-restraint dissipated as he impulsively ran his flat tongue along my heat; causing me to cry out in ecstasy as he savoured my sweet arousal against his tastebuds.

As if he was an addict and had just had his first fix, Matt turned into someone unrecognizable with his face buried between my thighs. His fingers wrapped so tightly around my thighs that I was sure he was going to leave a bruise as his tongue flicked deliciously against my swollen bundle of nerves. “Oh god, Matt!” I cried out, lacing my fingers through his hair and pressing my heat against him desperately. He responded to my pathetic moans by throwing one of my legs around his shoulder; granting his tongue a new angle that sent shock waves down my spine.

“So fucking good.” He groaned against my cunt, his voice more hoarse than usual. His tongue slid from my bundle of nerves down to my entrance, which he circled for a moment before plunging the strong muscle into it; lapping up my juices as I struggled to stand upright. He used his tongue to fuck me, his own moans echoing through my walls as his nose simultaneously rubbed my puffy clit, and the short hallway filled with the wet sounds of my needy cunt being worked towards my impending orgasm.

“F-fuck Matt,” I whined, rolling my hips hungrily against his face, “I-I’m gonna-” Without even finishing my words, Matt grunted in approval before fumbling blindly with his sweatpants. Through hooded lids I watched in glory as Matt slipped his pants down just enough to let his veiny cock free. Without removing his working mouth, he slid two fingers in the shape of a V through my folds to collect my juices before bringing his slippery hand to his cock; stroking it in rhythm with his movements against my cunt.

My legs began to shake and my vision grew blurry from my fast-approaching orgasm, though I couldn’t pull my eyes away from Matt as he milked his cock; clearly grown too desperate to wait another moment for relief. Just as he released a throaty moan against my cunt and I felt myself begin to give in to the overwhelming pressure radiating through every nerve in my body, I froze at the sound of the front door opening.

Chris’s lucky roster pick.

Matt and I locked eyes, sharing a look of mutual anguish before he jumped to his feet. Without even bothering to get dressed, I slipped out of my discarded bottoms and silently headed for Matt’s bedroom, the heat of his own brooding frame close behind me. As soon as we were behind the closed door, Matt tried to drop to his knees once again. Although it took nearly all of the self-restraint that I held in my body, I grabbed onto his shoulders to stop him. “Matt, you’re torturing yourself.” I whispered, dropping my eyes to his throbbing cock — bright red and swollen at the tip.

He pouted, running a gentle hand through my hair. “But you taste so fuckin’ good.” He breathed out just before engulfing my lips with his own; allowing me to taste my own sweetness against his slick tongue. His hands toyed with the bottom of my shirt, tugging it gently as though asking for permission. I pulled away from his mouth, drunk from the way I tasted on him, and allowed him to slip my shirt over my head. His pleading eyes dropped to my tits, and he ran the pad of his thumb along my pebbled nipple before dropping it back down to the bundle of nerves between my legs.

“You were so close to cumming,” He added. His voice was deep yet laced with the whine of a man who needed something bad, and it numbed my mind for a second. He pressed his thumb against my clit, slowly adding more and more pressure as I bit my bottom lip. “We can cum together.” I offered, looking up at him through droopy eyelids as my stomach flipped from the thought of him inside of me at last.

That thought seemed to have been mirrored in Matt’s mind as well, because his blown out eyes grew hazy and his brows knit together in wistful lust. Taking his expression as my answer, I gestured toward his bed behind him. With a curious smirk, Matt slipped off his t-shirt and began walking backwards towards his bed; using his grip on my hips to pull me with him. As his heels reached the frame, I gently pushed him down so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Although a part of me wanted to straddle his lap and sink down onto his gorgeous cock immediately, instead of following him onto the bed I dropped onto my knees before him.

His eyes glimmered for a moment. “What are you doing?” He asked, the mild concern on his face worked paradoxically with his hands gathering my hair into a make-shift ponytail. I snaked my hands up his legs, letting them rest just centimetres away from his cock; the nearly-there contact making it jump. “Just wanna taste you too,” My seductive words caused his hands to subconsciously tighten in my hair just as I wrapped my lips around his spongey tip.

His savoury pre-cum on my tastebuds intoxicated me, and I lapped it up hungrily before bobbing my head in a rapid, but steady, rhythm. A whiney groan fell from his lips, his thighs twitched under my hands as I let his cock reach the back of my throat; swallowing around it and relishing in his needy reaction. “Mmm Y/n,” He groaned, his breath rapid as he struggled to keep his composure, “F-feels so good,” His grip in my hair was firm, as though that was what was holding him steady, but I felt his thumbs gently brush my neck in a way that was comforting to both of us.

Relaxing my throat, I pushed myself all the way down his long cock so that my nose pressed against his flexed stomach. A sharp whimper filled the room as I gargled his entire length until tears began streaming down my face, and already I felt his cock begin to swell in my throat. “Oh god baby, not g-gonna la-ast — s-so clos-se.” His words were choppy, punctuated by his rapid breathing as his body grew red from the hot arousal. Panties flooding, I took his words as motivation and swallowed his cock fervently; knowing that he had to be close to pain by how hard he was.

A chorus of sharp, rapid whines began slipping from Matt’s lips, and I felt his body begin to tremble under my touch as his balls tightened against my chin. His hips lifted from the bed in uncontrollable pleasure, and after a final, exquisite moan, I felt the warmth of his cum as his powerful orgasm washed over him. I fought the urge to gasp at the sheer amount of fluid that filled my mouth, but was pulled back by the addicting taste of him on my tongue. Greedily, I swallowed everything that he had before continuing to slowly bob my head.

Matt’s body writhed under my warm mouth, and only once he released a pathetic moan from my tongue swirling around the crest of his head did I pull back; releasing his still-hard cock with a pop. My vision was blurry from my tears, but I still managed to pull my eyes from the string of saliva dangling from his leaking cock back to his flushed face; gazing down at me in shock. “I…I’ve never finished that fast in my fucking life.” His words were laced with genuine astonishment, causing me to laugh in amusement.

“We can blame the pill,” I replied, pulling myself off of the floor and climbing on top of him on the bed. As soon as my core was level with his lap, his hands gripped firmly onto the flesh of my ass and his cock flexed against the pressure of my body. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I laughed before subtly pushing him back so that he was laying flat on the bed. “Doesn’t matter anyways, looks like you still got more in you.”

My words seemed to awaken something within him, because as soon as they left my mouth Matt flipped us over so that it was now me who was laying flat against the bed. His mouth consumed my own once again, the taste of both of our arousal now floating between our tongues. My head spun from the glorious feeling of being underneath Matt, feeling somehow so powerless yet so in tune with my own body. A gasp slipped from my lips as I felt his cock brush against my heat, the urge to be filled now growing void of any ignorance.

“You still wet?” Matt breathed against my lips, using a hand to spread my legs apart before bringing it to my sensitive core. A satisfied hum fell from his lips as he felt the warm juices of my arousal not only pooled in between my legs, but smeared all down my inner thighs from the pleasure of having him fall apart in my mouth. “Oh you’re fuckin soaked baby,” He cooed, his voice gentle against my parted lips. I writhed against his investigative fingers, needing more contact than what he was granting me by admiring just how turned on I had grown.

Growing impatient, I reached down and grabbed his sticky cock, eliciting a hiss from him as I guided it towards my needy entrance. “Jesus,” Matt groaned, overwhelmed by the confirmation of my insatiable need for him, before allowing himself to be guided by my hand. Just as I felt the head of his cock sink into the crest of my aching pussy, I let go of his shaft and relied on the fervour warmth of my walls to swallow his length.

He slid into me slowly, with anguish, and once he bottomed out guttural moans fell from both of our lips. He filled me so intensely that I felt feverish, delirious with desire. My walls welcomed him graciously, though they enveloped him so tightly I was worried he may not be able to move. Just as that thought crossed my mind, Matt pulled himself almost entirely out of me before driving his cock back down to the hilt. A gasp fell from my lips as my arms wrapped around his neck, overcome with the relief that his movements granted me.

“Holy fuck,” Matt grunted, and as I looked up at him I recognized the look of strain on his face and throughout his muscles. “You’re s-so tight.” The tensity of his voice drew a soft moan from me, and by wrapping my legs around his waist I urged him to keep moving. Recognizing my silent request, he began pumping himself into me. He started slow, though on each thrust it was as if my cunt began to stretch more and more for him until it moulded to fit him perfectly, to which he responded by going harder and faster.

The squelching sound of our bodies as they joined together provided a perfect harmony to the slurry of moans that fell from both of our lips. Matt snaked a hand around my lower back, adding a new level of pressure as he held me tight against him. I cried out as he wrapped his warm mouth against a hardened nipple, swirling his tongue around the dark pink, sensitive bud as he snapped his hips into me. “Feels…so…good…” Matt’s words were punctuated by his thrusts, and his breath tickled against my skin as he spoke into my plush breast. I mewled in response, nails turning into claws against the tense skin of his back.

“N-eeded this s-so fucking b-bad. T-thank you,” Solace was already evident in his voice, and his gratitude was enough to make my head spin. He lifted his head from my chest and placed his open mouth against my own with the intention of kissing me, but we were both so caught up in the mutual pleasure radiating through our bodies that the most we could do was breathe against one another; matching the tempos of our beating hearts. Matt’s thrusts began to grow sloppier, his breath more ragged, and the heat of our bodies came crashing down on me.

“N-need you to cum baby,” Matt groaned, slight panic and desperation laced through his tone. I released a pathetic moan, knowing I was close but could sense from his words that he was closer. “P-please Y/n, I’m — so c-close,” The trepidation was evident in his voice now, and I whined as I fought to stay on track chasing my own high. “K-keep going, just l-like that,” I purred, closing my eyes as I focused on my impending orgasm.

Matt’s hand traveled down my body in between my legs, where his thumb went to work vigorously swirling against my overstimulated bundle of nerves. Immediately, I felt myself inch closer and closer to the high I had been dying for. “F-fuck!” I cried out, my body beginning to tremble from the intensity of the oncoming waves of pleasure. “Please—Please—Please,” Matt grunted with each weakened thrust, his voice thick with untethered need as I felt his cock begin to swell inside of me; ready to erupt any minute.

Finally, after another desperate swirl along my clit in sync with a quick snap of his hips, Matt drew a long string of moans from my lips and pushed me over the edge of my teetering orgasm. Upon the first erratic pulse of my spongey walls, Matt released his own guttural moan and cried out my name before I felt his warm seed spill deep into my core. Although his body seemed to want to give in to the waves of pleasure it was experiencing, he forced his hips to continue to drive into me; helping me ride out my high as my clammy back arched off of the mattress and my legs constricted his waist. I felt the indescribable release of pressure as I squirted all along his throbbing cock and lower stomach, earning a satisfied moan from Matt as he let his eyes drop to admire the sight.

Only once our bodies began to relax and we came down from our highs did Matt halt his movements; crashing his exhausted body onto mine and burying his face in my neck. I let myself sink into the soft mattress under his comforting weight, focusing on my decreasing heart rate and the feeling of Matt’s hand running up and down my side. My eyes fluttered shut, the physical exertion draining me of all energy, and I felt us simultaneously fall into a peaceful lull as our breathing steadied.

After what could have been hours, Matt lifted his head from my neck and shot me a bashful smile. “I’m never taking one of those fucking pills again.” Laughing, I propped myself up on my elbows and smiled down at him. “So what I’m hearing is that was horrible and you hate me.” Matt scoffed, jokingly rolling his eyes. “Obviously not, Y/n. The issue is that was way too fucking good. And we’re friends. Friends can’t be dogging each other like that.” Matt ran a hand through his hair, a sign that behind his joking tone he was genuinely stressing out over what we had done.

I grabbed his tattooed arm gently, getting his attention. “Hey crazy, don’t worry. It was a one time thing caused by your little boner pill. It won’t happen again.” He sighed, rolling off of me and draping his body along the bed beside me. “Won’t happen again.” He repeated softly, staring up at the ceiling with concern still etched in his face. “Hey,” I looked down at him in amusement, “At least you feel better though, right?” Slowly, Matt turned to face me with that same flushed look he had on the couch an hour ago. Wincing, he let his gaze drop to his dick — still standing straight up in the air; red and swollen at the tip.

“One more time?”

“One more time.”

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

[drdemonprince]

what do u think about romance abolition? i recently discovered that i dont think romance actually exists as in i think every relationship every person has with anyone is unique and different. the concept of romance is rooted in a lof of our opressive systems and aphobia is inherently tied to it. i think these labels of being in a "romantic" relationship endanger everyone due to a percieved wrong clearness of what their relationship boundaries and expectations are and it also devalues "platonic" (and a lot other) relationships.

i also recommend the aromantic manifesto blog on here to kind of get part of the concept im talking abt

this comes from the mind of an audhd aroace trans person, if thats of any relevance!

thank u for ur blog an your opinions ⭐

I am fairly receptive to the idea that romance as we currently conceive of it is a recent cultural invention that is pretty ahistorical, and that is used to further the isolation of individuals from community. but also, I don't think we are going to get anywhere as a social or political movement in denying the feelings that a majority of people have, myself very much among them.

Even if it is all born of cultural conditioning, the cat is kind of out of the bag, and a great deal of us experience a romantic drive, romantic longings, close attachments that are romantic that we experience as distinct from non-romantic attachments, and view romance as a meaningful fount of inspiration in our art, sexualities, and even spiritualities.

I am all for a move away from amatonormativity and the primacy of the monogamous, legally committed relationship, but I do think there is something emotionally real going on there for those of us who experience it. I used to care a lot more about straightforward rationality, and after that about justice, but now I care a great deal about the emotionally felt reality of things, and the realms of life that are not easily categorized or known. I can't explain why the idea of romance is important to me, only that it is, and I personally have no desire in doing away with it.

perhaps I feel some of the resistance to the idea of romance abolition that some instantly feel when they first hear of family abolition-- The idea makes them uncomfortable because of what it sounds like, which is a threat to something that they are very bonded to.

I think on an institutional level it would be very beneficial to not tie social benefits or legal status to a person's romantic relationships. but in terms of my personal life? I draw very firm boundaries between relationships that are romantic in nature and those that are not, that is a distinction that is very important to me and I often feel really trampled upon by people who believe that no one should see a designation between those things. in most of the world writ large that's a very small problem, but I mostly run with polyamorous queer people who tend to see many of their relationships is a big mishmash of affection and commitment and friendship and that can get real fucking messy real fast in addition to being beautiful or revolutionary or what have you.

I think ultimately I'm a little bit more interested in providing the social supports and physical infrastructure that would make it more possible for individuals to form community in whatever ways that means for them. I think a lot of beneficial social changes and liberation would flow from that, rather than moving to abolish romantic relationships first.

and I really do get uncomfortable when a certain subcategory of relationally radical polyamorous queer people try to push against other people's romantic or sexual boundaries in the name of liberation; I understand if that sounds like a totally ridiculous complaint to you, the way a person complaining about veganism being forced on them almost always sounds like a overreacting cry baby, but I've been in enough toxic fucking communities since I was an 18-year-old to feel like I'm owed this grievance, and kind of want to give voice to it because I have seen people be abused in the name of otherwise really understandable ideals like these.

I think it is okay for a person to draw distinctions between their types of relationships, and to want certain forms of attachment with only certain people... there has to be a way to square this with a desire for greater community ties and interreliance. I need there to be, or it would not be a ideology I could really find myself safely within to be honest.

All that uncomfortable hand ringing aside, as a member of the asexual community and a person who does not form connections in a typical way, I have so much respect and care for my aromantic comrades and I do recognize how supremely excluded from basically every social practice and institution in the world you are, and how difficult it is for anyone to make family or build community for themselves in a world that prioritizes exclusive romantic relationships over everything. and I do really believe that fighting against that is a worthy and necessary project. I am perhaps just ultimately a bit less enlightened in terms of what I personally need and aspire to.

[vaspider]

Hey spider, I’ve been by your tumblr several times in the last day to help keep myself grounded. I wanted to say thanks and pass along my own thoughts to others checking in.

This fucking sucks and I hate it. But this moment feels very different to me than 2016. Not that I feel *great* about weathering the next four+ years, but, I’m not collapsing in despair either.

Fact is we survived four years of this, we had four years of relative “peace,” and it’s back into the shitstorm. The situation is different, more dire, yes, but we’re also different, too. We survived and we have lessons to glean from that to apply to our future.

Your job, if that frame is helpful for you, is to look at what you can offer your community and start cultivating opportunities to help other people. 

Are you strong? I helped an older gentleman recycle heavy boxes of papers (by heaving them into a dumpster for him) and that lit up my MONTH.

Can you do dishes? There is an elder in your community who could use the help (and the company!).

Do you not go to church, on Sundays or otherwise? There may be a hospice center that needs volunteers to stay with patients while their people are at Sunday services.

Do you have a car and some time? Maybe you can do pickups for food banks or other types of food rescue work.

Do you know spreadsheets? Hoo boy. Everybody needs somebody who can do spreadsheets.

These are ideas of where you might start. But the real work is to cultivate relationships of goodwill and good faith with others in your community. Start talking to organizations, look for people who are already embedded, doing good work. Look for role models, people who connect: people to other people, people to resources. Don’t be afraid to speak up when you need help, yourself – strong relationships are reciprocal. People need each other *so badly,* and in ways our culture does not equip us to understand.

Show up where and when you can and be ready to hold the hands of others. It’s going to be hard, but you can develop the skills and the relationships to make it through.

thanks again, spider.

This is good advice.

One thing I heard today that cracked me up - I was listening to Gianmarco Soresi's podcast today, and he has Brennan Lee Mulligan on this episode. Brennan was talking about how he ran a load of diapers over to Rekha at one point bc she was collecting stuff for LA wildfires aid, and when he got home, his wife, Izzy, was sitting at her computer and going through Zillow and researching rental listings and reporting listings to the authorities who are breaking CA rent control laws. (In CA, there are limits to how much you can raise the rent on a unit at one time/within a certain period of time.)

Like... that's a thing that she could do while she was sitting at her computer being at home with the baby while Brennan ran an errand that did measurable good in the world. Reporting predatory landlords does real, measurable good.

What's important is not that you're doing the most good or the most important good. What's important is that you Find Something To Do That Helps and you Do That Thing.

[nexiva]

You made me hate you

Part 4

Bucky x reader

Warnings: ok now they really hate each other, really angsty part and a lot of swearing (again)

Summary: A not so nice morning in the kitchen with Sam and Bucky

A/N: I couldn’t wait any longer haha so enjoy this part :)

Masterlist

Five months. Five months of avoiding each other like the plague. And when we do run into each other? Jesus Christ, even Captain America himself would bolt from the room.

Barnes has gotten a little more… how do I put it? Confident. In the wrong way. About three months ago, he was still trying to talk to me, still trying to convince me—just like everyone else. But I wouldn’t give in. I would never forgive him. Maybe after all this time, it seems childish, but I didn’t care. I stood firmly on my ground.

And once everyone realized I wasn’t going to change my mind, that’s when things started heating up. Barnes was starting to get so cocky. The worse my remarks got, the more he started snapping back at me. I could see I was driving him insane—not that it was my intention. I just didn’t want to see him. But since he was already there, I couldn’t stop myself from throwing sharp comments his way. Until, finally, he had enough and started fighting back.

“Fuck, Sam, I swear I tried everything. But she wouldn’t even let me get a word in. I’m so done with this. Guess some amends just can’t be made.”

I walked into the kitchen with every intention of ignoring Barnes and making myself a great breakfast.
“Morning, Wilson.”
“Hey, Y/L/N.”

I could tell Sam was uncomfortable, but that didn’t stop him from asking a stupid question.
“So, Bucky and I were about to go for a run. Do you wanna join us?”

Oh God. Pathetic.

Barnes practically choked on his coffee, barely stopping himself from suffocating (what a shame that would be).

“If I were you, I wouldn’t let him outside. He might ‘accidentally’ run over someone and then claim he was forced to do it.”

Oh, I knew that one was going to hurt. But it rolled off my tongue so sweetly that I couldn’t stop myself.

Barnes threw his cup against the wall. Sam flinched slightly.

“You are a cunt, you know that?”

Bucky stepped closer like he was about to throw hands. I got up immediately.

“What? You gonna kill me too now? Finally finish collecting the whole family, asshole?”

And he just stared.

Nothingness in his eyes.

I wanted it to hurt. I wanted him to feel exactly the way I did. But strangely, there was no satisfaction in seeing him suffer. It wasn’t as enjoyable as I had imagined. So much time had passed, my rage had only grown, and yet… I couldn’t put a name to that stupid feeling inside me. Oh no, it definitely wasn’t sympathy or guilt—it was just exhausting.

For the first time, I saw something in his eyes. Fear?

I didn’t care to figure it out. Not at that moment.

“Fuck you,” was all he said before leaving the kitchen.

I sat down with a small smirk but also with a hint of uncertainty (hopefully, it didn’t show).

“Um, so that went well?”

Sam, not knowing what else to do, sat down with me.

“Y/N, aren’t you tired of this?”

The bastard could actually read my mind sometimes.

“Despite everything, you two have a lot in common. He was under HYDRA, you had NEXUS. You really should—”

I couldn’t listen to him any longer.

“Despite everything? You mean the fact that he killed my sister? And HYDRA? NEXUS? We have nothing in common. I never killed anyone for someone else. No one ever controlled me like some brainless puppet!”

“Because Fury saved you! You little brat! You think you wouldn’t have done the same as him if Nick hadn’t stepped in?”

Silence.

A long, awkward silence.

I had no idea how to respond. And I sure as hell wasn’t about to admit he was right—even if he was.

“I wonder if you’d say the same thing about him if Fury hadn’t shown up back then. You need to get it together, Y/N, because everyone is tired of your shit.”

Sam stood up, looked at me, and walked out.

I couldn’t admit he was right. I couldn’t get rid of the fog in my head. That horrible memory.

I refused to back down.

The kitchen felt emptier than before.

Sam’s words hung in the air like a goddamn storm cloud, suffocating me, pressing against my chest. "Everyone is tired of your shit."

I clenched my fists. Fuck him. Fuck them all. They didn’t get it. They weren’t the ones who had to wake up every morning and remember that someone ripped their soul apart like it was nothing. They weren’t the ones who had to stand in the same room as the murderer and pretend like he was just another member of the goddamn team.

I grabbed a piece of toast and took a slow bite, staring at the shattered ceramic from Bucky’s cup still lying on the floor. Someone else could clean it up. I wasn’t going to.

The compound was quiet now, except for the faint hum of the fridge and the distant sound of traffic outside. I let myself breathe. But my hands were still shaking.

Then I heard it—the door slamming shut.

I exhaled through my nose, already knowing who it was.

“What the fuck do you want now, Barnes?”

Silence.

I turned my head slightly, and there he was, standing in the doorway, arms crossed, jaw tight. He looked like he hadn’t cooled down one bit since storming out of here a few minutes ago.

“I’m not done talking.”

I let out a dry laugh. “That’s funny, I could’ve sworn you told Sam you were done trying.”

His nostrils flared. Good. I wanted him angry. I wanted him to feel something.

He took a step forward. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Y/N.”

I shot him a look. “Oh, I don’t? Enlighten me. Please.”

His eyes darkened. “You think you’re the only one who lost someone? You think you’re the only one who wakes up every day hating the person in the mirror?”

That caught me off guard. For a second. But I didn’t let it show.

“The difference between us, Winter Soldier?” I stood up, stepping closer until there were just inches between us. “I lost my family. You were the one pulling the goddamn trigger.”

He swallowed hard. I saw his fingers twitch—just slightly. Like he wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Or grab something. Maybe grab me.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he let out a bitter chuckle and looked down.

“You think I don’t know that?” His voice was lower now. Tighter. “Every goddamn day, I think about the people I killed. I hear them screaming in my fucking head. And you?” He shook his head, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek. “You don’t even want revenge anymore. You just want something to be angry at.”

I stiffened.

He saw it. He fucking saw it, and I hated him for it.

“Go to hell, Barnes.”

His lips curled into a humorless smirk. “Already been there, sweetheart.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and left, leaving me standing there, fists clenched, pulse racing, and for the first time in a long time—completely speechless.

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Look at me finally finishing something!

For @bucktommyfluffebruary day 5: Mundane chores

Operation Supermarket (AO3)

Food shop/grocery shopping

(it's mostly from Tommy's pov so Buck is referred to as Evan)

I have a lot of partially written fics/ficlets for almost all of the days, and I do plan on finishing all of them - though they probably won't be posted on the 'right' days.

----

"Do you have the list?"

"Yup. Right here." Tommy handed over the item as he pushed their shopping cart into the supermarket with his free hand.

He'd given Evan free rein of the kitchen and planning their second six month anniversary, and the other man approached it with an almost military precision.

He'd spent weeks scrolling through cooking websites, looking through cookbooks, and even a Rolodex of recipes he'd gotten from somewhere until he'd put together the perfect anniversary dinner.

Even though Tommy had told him more than once he'd be happy to go out to dinner or even just order a pizza.

"Babe you forgot the garlic." Evan pulled him out of his thoughts, studying the shopping list and apparently making notes.

Tommy had no idea where he'd even gotten a pen from.

"No, I didn't forget it, I didn't put it on the list because we still have some."

"No we don't, I used the last of it last night."

Tommy frowned.

"We ordered in last night."

"Yeah but I started prepping for dinner tonight while you were at the game with Eddie." Evan explained. "The sauce takes a long time... and it needs garlic. Which you forgot to put on the list, even though I wrote it on the note board on the fridge."

The small white board and marker on his fridge had been one of Evan's changes to his kitchen when he'd started spending more time at Tommy's place and essentially made the kitchen his own.

He had to admit it was useful to keep track of what he'd ran out of and what he needed to buy for specific meals, or even just what was on offer, but Tommy had always been a quick look in the fridge before leaving for the store kind of guy, and usually decided on the spot if he liked any of the special offers.

Evan's methods were very different.

"The note board doesn't work if you don't look at it, Tom." Evan sighed.

"I'm trying to make myself remember, I promise."

"You can just get rid of it if you don't like it... but I just... I thought it was a good way to keep track of things."

"It is. I'm just not really used to it yet." Tommy explained. "You have a certain way of doing things and I have mine, we just need to find a way to make them fit with mine. And we will."

Evan gave him a small smile and turned back to the list.

"Alright if we go aisle to aisle, it'll be more efficient, and we'll have time to stop by Miceli's."

"Miceli's? I thought you didn't want to go back there because the place is cursed?"

"It is cursed." Evan said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But you love their spumoni and the tiramisu is great... and we can still treat ourselves to the food if we take it to go."

"So the curse is just the building then? Not the food?" Tommy teased. "Are we really going to risk it?"

"Yes because I'm not letting you walk away again." Evan vowed. "Been there, done that, didn't enjoy it, won't be doing it again."

"Same here." Tommy smiled. "Ok, so, garlic. What else is on the list?"

Evan scanned the list and looked around the store.

"We need bread and those crackers you like that taste of nothing."

"They're a healthy and easy snack." Tommy protested

"It's like eating cardboard." Evan replied without missing a beat. "Right, I need to pick up some snacks for Jee because I have her on Thursday... and you start a 48 on Friday that overlaps with my 72 starting Saturday, so we'll be back at yours... Tuesday or Wednesday. Unless you want to come over to mine right after my shift? Or you could stop by the firehouse after yours, I'm sure everyone would love to see you. And you know Bobby is fine with it as long as everything still gets done. And - " he looked up to find Tommy staring at him. "What? What's that look?"

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yes you do. You -"

"He loves you honey." an old lady patted Evan on the arm. "My husband used to look at me like that. We were together 44 years. You hold onto to that one honey. He's a good one. I can see it in his eyes." she smiled at them both and then continued with her shopping.

Tommy walked over to him, slid his arms around Evan's waist and kissed him.

"Yeah. What she said."

[darkserenity24]

𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒐𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒔 - 𝑪𝒉. 11 (𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 1)

Loki x Reader

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙤𝙛 𝙇𝙤𝙠𝙞’𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙜𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡—𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙞𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣’𝙩.

𝘈/𝘕: 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 1.

𝙃𝙚'𝙨 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪

You confront others to set the record straight about Loki’s plans, but in the end, things don’t go as expected.

The room fell completely silent after Sarah’s statement. Your mind started to spin as you tried to process what she had said, your narrowed gaze snapping back to the stunning brunette.

You and Loki spoke at the same time.

“Wait, what?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Your gazes locked—yours wide with bewilderment and his the same, but clouded with a deep disturbance.

“Isn’t this great?” Tony exclaimed, rising from his chair. “You see, Capsicle and I searched our brains tirelessly for days, trying to figure out how the hell we could solve this flaming turd of a situation the media dragged you into. Honestly, I blame myself for this. Let’s just say I have more than a few vengeful exes in the news reporting industry that might still be miffed at me for leaving them on read some years ago-.”

“Stark, get to the point.” Steve interrupted.

“Yes… anyway, we thought long and hard and came up with a foolproof solution–get Loki a girlfriend stat, and not just any girlfriend. It has to be a woman so gorgeous that no one would think he’d be fooling around with anyone else.” He nodded proudly. “Really, it’s such a genius plan that I’m surprised I didn’t think of it myself. Gotta thank Rogers for putting this one forward. I just executed the deal with the modeling agency I had on speed dial.”

Before you could let Tony know exactly how terrible of a plan that was, Loki beat you to it.

“Have you completely lost your mind?” He hissed, barely acknowledging Sarah as he moved past her. “Did someone knock out what little sense you had left in that tiny brain of yours, Stark? Or maybe it left you long ago when I tossed you through that window some years before. This so-called plan is absurd and plain idiotic, and I will not be going along with it.”

Tony’s grin was instantly wiped from his face as he glared over at Loki. “You,” he jabbed a finger in the god’s direction. “Have absolutely no say in any of this. Your right to choose went out that window right along with me, and it will not be coming back anytime soon. So guess what that means? Whatever plan we make for you, you will follow it exactly to the tee. Because if you don’t cooperate, that means the little freedom you have now will be revoked with just a snap of my fingers. You could kiss your little trips goodbye and return to that cell underground to rot for another ten plus years.”

The irritation simmering inside you only increased as Tony continued to open his mouth. This was, without a doubt, his most idiotic idea yet. Maybe the worst ever.

Forcing Loki to date some random woman was so unethical it made your brain physically hurt. How could Tony, or Steve think this was going to be good for anyone involved? 

Instead of telling him exactly what you thought of this ‘plan’, you held your annoyance back in the hope that you could try to defuse the situation and calm everyone down before things got out of hand. 

Especially when you could practically feel the searing heat of anger radiating off Loki as he stood beside you.

“Tony,” you insisted, your gaze unwavering as you shook your head. “You can’t do this.”

He raised a brow as if he didn’t expect you to say that. “Yes, actually I can,” he retorted matter-of-factly, serving to piss you off even more. “and I will.”

Your frown deepened as you snapped your gaze over to Steve, eying him in disbelief.

“How can you just sit there and go along with this?”

Steve’s blue gaze was serious as he took a step toward you. “Remember, this was my idea, angel. I know it’s not the greatest solution but it should work. I truly think this will be what’s best for you right now.”

Loki proceeded to step forward, partially blocking you from Steve’s view.

“What do you, of all people, know about what’s best for her?” he demanded.

Steve’s expression hardened as he held Loki’s icy gaze, stepping closer while scrutinizing him from head to toe.

“I may not know exactly what it is, but I know one thing for sure—it’s definitely not you. We had to put a stop to those disgusting rumors about you two being involved, and this was the only way that made sense.”

Feeling like things were escalating way too fast, you gripped Loki’s arm lightly, stepping in front of him with determination, ready to tell Steve that this plan was out of the question for both of you.

Then Sarah spoke up.

“Boys,” Her melodic voice rang out, making you flinch inwardly. 

How was it that her voice sounded just as attractive as her appearance?

“There’s no reason to fight. I’m sure we can all work this out. This just sounds like a simple misunderstanding.”

Everyone, except for Loki who was still facing off with Steve, turned their attention back to her.

She turned to Loki, trying to get his attention but failing. “I’m so sorry, truly. I put my foot in my mouth way too soon. To clarify, just as Tony mentioned, I am a model for hire, not your actual girlfriend. Tony hired me to be by your side whenever you’re in public, so that way no suspicion falls on your friend here.” She explained. “I’m only here to help, not make things worse.”

When Loki didn’t respond, you mustered up a small smile, nodding your head politely.

“That makes a lot of sense, Sarah. Thank you for explaining. You’re already doing a better job than Tony has since we stepped into this office.” You shot a quick glare at the billionaire before shifting your gaze back to the tall brunette. “Unfortunately, I don’t think this is necessary. Loki is not comfortable with this plan so he won’t be participating.”

“Oh,” Sarah said, blinking in surprise before glancing between you, Tony, and Loki. “Well, alright then. I guess it’s settled.”

Tony tried to speak up but you quickly interrupted him. “That’s not-.”

“We’ll be leaving now. It was nice meeting you, Sarah.”

Before you could say anything else, Loki spun around and stormed out of the room with you quickly following behind him.

“This isn’t over!” Tony’s voice echoed behind you, cut off by the sharp click of his office door closing.

You struggled to keep up with Loki’s long strides, but it was difficult so you called out to him.

“Loki… Loki, slow down!”

You were surprised when he abruptly stopped in his tracks, spinning around to face you with an 

unsettling look on his face.

“Over my dead corpse am I ever to be seen with that woman.” he hissed. “I will not bow down to Stark’s ludicrous demands.”

“Yes, I know-.” 

“I’m telling you, I am not,” he repeated adamantly, a hint of desperation lingering in his tone.

“I know you’re not. Okay?” you gently reassured him. “I wouldn’t expect you to go along with such a ridiculous plan in the first place. Steve and Tony are trying to help but sometimes they can go too far.”

You realized your mistake in mentioning them too soon when Loki's expression darkened further, his chest rising with tension.

Before he could curse their entire existence and sink even further into frustration, you placed a steady but firm hand on his arm. His sharp green eyes met yours, gradually softening.

“I’ll fix this,” you assured him, nodding with steady determination. “I swear I will.”

You watched as his body visibly relaxed, his shoulders dropping slightly, and the tension in his jaw eased. After a brief pause, he sighed, nodding in quiet acceptance.

Neither of you moved, standing there in the hallway as a wave of silent understanding passed between you. Nothing was said, yet the quiet presence of each other seemed to soothe you both.

Then, a flicker of movement grabbed your attention from the corner of your eye. Turning, you found Natasha lingering a few feet down the hallway, her unmoving gaze locked onto you, one brow quirked in quiet speculation.

You stepped away from Loki, meeting her gaze without a word. She stayed silent, casting one last glance between you two before disappearing around the corner.

You had witnessed something peculiar simmering in her gaze but couldn’t place a finger on what exactly it was. 

Instead of talking to her about it as you had planned to, just to your luck, you woke up the next morning feeling terrible. It seemed that running around in the rain with Loki had been too much for your body to handle. Especially with how weak your immune system was nowadays.

Fortunately for you, it was the weekend so there was no school. However, you emailed your professors about attending classes virtually for a while until the media craze died down. You hoped that it would end sooner than later, but didn’t hold your breath. To your relief, they all agreed that it was probably best for you to not attend in person at the moment. They couldn’t be the one to tell you that first, but you were sure your situation had put a wrench in their teaching plans.

Within a few days, your symptoms had eased enough to step out of your room every now and then, though you kept to yourself to avoid anyone noticing you were still sick.

Conveniently, Loki had been with Thor over the past few days, saving you from any too close encounters. Thor had recently taken it upon himself to organize private meetings with Loki to plan for his eventual return to Asgard which you thought was a great idea.

There was no indication that Loki was going to be returning anytime soon but you agreed that it was important for him to know about what was happening in his realm and the expectations his people had for him when he returned. 

It was a bittersweet thing for you. As much as it saddened you to think about Loki leaving one day, you were also extremely happy that he was making so much progress.

With more alone time than usual, your thoughts wandered freely. As you continued recovering from your cold, your thoughts kept circling back to what had happened with Loki a week ago.

You tried to push the thought away, convincing yourself it was nothing more than friendly banter. Loki was just being supportive, encouraging you the way a friend would. And yet, the warmth of his words lingered longer than they should have.

You knew he meant what he said, at least in part. But Loki had a way with words, and you couldn’t ignore the possibility that he was sweetening them, just a little, for your benefit.

Your mind kept circling back, trying to make sense of it all. In order not to drive yourself crazy you switched your thoughts to one of the many challenges you needed to solve—like Tony and Steve’s reckless idea to shove Loki into a PR stunt of a relationship just to keep the media at bay.

Sure, it would only be a fake relationship, but that didn’t make it any less repulsive. The rumors about you and Loki were already dying down, just like you knew they would. But, of course, that wasn’t enough to convince Tony to drop it when you finally gained the energy to meet with him like he had been demanding you to do for the past week.

You met him with a steadfast attitude, ready to shut down his next-level stupid idea once and for all.

“This isn’t right, Tony,” you declared. "Loki has been doing so well. Do you really want to throw all of that away over a stupid little rumor?

“This ‘stupid rumor’ could ruin all the hard work you put into getting where you are today. While Loki might not care about your future, I sure do.” he argued, causing you to roll your eyes.

“There is no reason to roll your eyes at me. Everything I am saying should be taken seriously.” He chided. “Besides Steve, I seem to be the only one in the building who sees this situation for what it is. I care enough about you to fix this in any way possible because what you don’t seem to realize is how this is affecting you the most. This is really about you, not Loki. While your little science project seems to be unaffected by what’s going on, it’s not been the same for you, am I right?”

You stare at him in silence, waiting for him to continue so you could get his rant over with and move on.

“Who’s been getting the most hate because of this? You are. And I'm not just talking about from the press. Have you seen the massive amounts of death threats that have been coming in the mail with your name on it since this all started?”

Your brows pinched in mild surprise. You didn’t give Tony an answer but he already knew you had absolutely no clue.

“No, you haven’t. Guess why? It’s because Steve and I have been burning all those letters as soon as they come in. Hundreds of them. Being associated with Loki means that absolute strangers will hate your guts. How do you feel about that?”

You exhaled slowly, shaking your head in disbelief. “That’s terrible, it truly is. Do I like it? No, but those are just strangers…”

He crossed his arms, dark eyes narrowing with scrutiny. “Just strangers? Okay. What about at school? Do you think I don’t know about what’s been happening there? That you stopped going in person and started taking classes remotely because of how people have been treating you on campus?”

You blinked at him. “How did you..?”

“...find out? Thank your good friend, Kayla Bale. She was so concerned about you that she came to me of her own accord and told me everything. Without her, I wouldn’t have known just how much you were struggling outside of this building. I wouldn’t have known the extent of how bad it was getting from everyone being convinced that you’re Loki’s little pet.”

As Tony continued his yapping, a strange feeling crept over you at the mention of Kayla going to him behind your back. You hadn’t spoken to her since the day she found out about your illness, yet she never once mentioned talking to Tony. 

No call, no text. Nothing.

Had she told him more? The way Tony kept circling back to the media made you think that was all, but still… why had she gone to him at all? Was it truly out of concern, or was there something else you weren’t seeing?

"Hey! Kid!" Tony snapped, waving a hand in your face with exaggerated impatience. "You still with me, or did you just randomly short-circuit?"

You snapped back to attention, straightening your posture and meeting his disapproving gaze head on. You were really tired of people talking about you and making plans behind your back as if you were incapable of doing it yourself. Did you make mistakes in the past? Yes, you could admit you did. But this would be the last time anyone treated you as if you were helpless.

It was long past time for you to speak up. It was the only way you would be able to get anything done the way you wanted to, and not be overshadowed by everyone else.

“Tony, first, I need you to stop calling me that. I am in my twenties now, meaning I am an adult, not a kid. Got it?” 

His mouth clamped shut, and one brow arched in silent challenge.

“Another thing, I love you like family, but I really don’t care who comes to you about me. Not Steve, Kayla, the press, or any stupid hate mail that’s sent my way will make me turn my back on Loki. It’s not his fault that people are nosy bastards who don’t have anything better to do with their lives but create false rumors about us. He shouldn’t have to be put in an uncomfortable position because of that, and I won’t let him.”

Tony seemed taken aback by the passionate words spilling from your mouth. It was the first time in ages you'd seen him speechless. You were relieved he didn’t interrupt. Otherwise, you might have started apologizing for speaking to him that way.

“Loki has made tremendous progress in his efforts to reform himself and change his behavior while he’s here on Earth. Imagine how it must feel to be him, trapped in a place where you are being constantly reminded of your past mistakes every single day, having people not believe in you and treat you as if you are this unevolving monster. If anything, you of all people should have some sympathy for him. Imagine if you were still being judged based on all the shady things you used to do before you became Iron Man.”

His features shifted, surprise flickering across his face as though he hadn’t anticipated that response.

“As much as you’d hate to admit it, you and Loki have a lot in common. I’m not going to get into the details of why or how but I have a feeling that you know exactly what I mean. Bucky and Nat are in the same boat, but at least they’re trying their best to forgive him and move on. Even if they can’t forgive him, they’re at least making an effort not to antagonize him like you and Steve always do. The two of you never seem to give him a break.”

You sighed, taking a breath to calm down for a second. Once you did you met Tony’s unreadable gaze.

“When I was younger I didn't know the full extent of what Loki had done, or why it was so troubling. I can admit that I was very naive and a bit dumb, but I really did have the best intentions so that’s why I don’t regret visiting him in secret for all those years. No that I have gotten older I can now say that I do realize how bad it was. Truly. I mean, I know what happened to my mom. Not the fake story my dad told me to keep me sheltered, but the actual truth. The truth that you’ve known about since the beginning but never said a word to me about it.”

Heavy guilt was present on Tony’s face, his gaze plummeting to the floor.

You found yourself feeling bad for him, knowing that your mother’s death was not his fault and it wasn’t his place to tell you about it, but you still had to say it aloud. 

“So yeah,” you blinked away the wetness that was building in the corner of your eyes. “You can imagine how hard it was for me to find out that Loki had something to do with her death. But knowing the kind of person she was, and the kind of person she raised me to be, I knew I couldn’t let that get in the way of doing something that could help someone else. Being a part of something that could possibly change the world and other worlds beyond my reach.” 

You lifted your hands in a casual shrug. “So here I am, trying to make a better life for the person who changed mine for the worse years ago, without me even knowing it. If I can do this… if I can forgive him for the horrific things he’s done, and gain his trust, then I think you can move past this grudge you've been holding against him for years. If you can do this,” you sighed. “I truly believe we can move forward and achieve more than we have so far."

Tony’s jaw clenched and he seemed to be at war in his head. You didn’t know what he was thinking, but you had one more thing to say. Something to request of him.

I've never asked you for anything that wasn’t about helping Loki, but this time I’m asking for myself. Please, stop trying to make decisions for him and just leave it to me. The team put me in charge of his growth because they trusted me, and I need you to trust me too. If you can’t do it for Loki, then please, do it for me?

Deciding you had said enough, you stopped speaking, and for a long moment, you both sat in his office in complete silence. 

As you waited for his answer, he stared off into space for what seemed like forever, making you worry that a silent denial was going to be his answer. 

His gaze locked with yours, a swirl of emotions flickering in his eyes—pride, understanding, sadness, and a hint of fear. For the first time since you’ve known him, he looked at you not like an overprotective parent, but as a mentor proud of what he was finally seeing in you.

Your real name sounding from his mouth surprised you more than it should have. “I do trust you.” He said reassuringly. “I always have and always will, but I understand where you’re coming from. You’re completely right. You are more than capable of handling both your professional and personal life, so I will back off and let you make your own decisions.”

He sent you a gentle smile—so un-Tony-like that for a moment, you doubted it had even happened. But just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, a familiar smirk slowly forming on his face. “Now I’m not promising that I’ll be all sunshine and rainbows about everything, but I won’t be overcrowding you anymore. You have my word.”

You took a much needed breath and let out a sigh of relief at Tony’s words.

“Don’t look too relieved. I’m certainly not complying with all your demands,” he muttered. “I don’t care how old you get. I’m still gonna call you kid, kid.”

You walked away from Tony’s office with your head held high, feeling as if you had just accomplished something that seemed to be almost impossible to do, and it was the greatest you felt in a long time.

You were on your way to meet Loki, ready to share your victory with him. You couldn’t wait to give him the play-by-play on how you had convinced the most stubborn man in the city to see things your way so he wouldn’t force him into a fake relationship with a woman he didn’t know. He probably wouldn’t be as ecstatic as you were because he had already been dead set on not complying, but you hoped he got some relief from knowing Tony would be off his back moving forward.

You were only a few feet away from the door to Loki’s suite when you were halted by the sound of a familiar voice calling out to you.

“Hey, angel,”

You looked over your shoulder to see Steve lingering at the end of the hallway, a serious expression crossing his face.

Letting out a quiet sigh you turned around, tilting your head at Steve.

“Yes, Steve?”

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked, strolling towards you. “It won’t be long. I just have something I want to run by you. Something I think you need to know.” his lips pursed. “Before you make any rash decisions.”

You raised a brow at him. “What are you talking about?” 

Without answering, his gaze briefly flickered to Loki’s door and then back to you.

“I’d rather not have an audience. Can we talk in private?”

You wanted to say no, but something in Steve’s gaze had you curious, so you agreed.

You followed him into his room, both sitting down on opposite ends of his navy blue sofa. Bending over slightly, he placed his arms on his legs as he looked down at the floor before turning his head and meeting your eyes with a serious expression.

“You need to convince Loki to be with Sarah.”

Your body tensed instantly, irritation bubbling beneath the surface as you braced yourself for a fight. “Steve…”

“Look, just hear me out,” He beseeched, holding his hands up. “I understand it’s the last thing you want to do-.”

“So why are you asking me to do it?” You inquired, shaking your head.

“-because everyone believing that you and Loki are romantically involved is a bad idea for many reasons.”

“But we’re not,” you groaned frustratedly. “How many times do I have to say that? Why does it matter what anyone thinks if they’re just going to believe it anyway?”

Steve’s brows furrowed, lips forming into a frown as he looked at you. “Do you truly believe it’s everyone else’s fault and not the both of you?”

Now that caught you off guard. 

You straightened, blinking at him with a wary expression. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“It means the media and everyone else will believe what’s right in front of them, what we all have been witnessing since Loki was released from his cell.

“Which is?”

“That he’s obsessed with you,” Steve stated, his lip curled in disgust. “I mean, do you see the way he looks at you? Especially when you’re not looking at him. I can’t stand how obvious he makes it whenever he’s near you—it’s sickening because he doesn’t even try to hide it.”

You threw your head back, eyes widening in complete and utter disbelief. 

You couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Steve’s mouth. Why would he ever think that Loki would be obsessed with you? It just didn’t make any sense, and he was clearly taking things way out of context. Steve was always making Loki out to be this sinister person and you were getting really tired of it. 

Now he was making you feel sick to your stomach.

Clearly witnessing the state of deep turmoil displayed on your features, Steve continued his accusation in an obvious attempt to get you to see things his way.

“I know you think that you and Loki are just friends, and maybe that’s true for you but I don’t think it is for him. Everyone sees how differently he treats you compared to everyone else.”

“Do you know why Steve? Because I’ve been the only one helping him for a while now. Maybe he’d warm up to everyone else if they’d trusted him more and stopped being assholes.”

Steve’s eyes widened, clearly not liking what you said. His shock wore off quickly and his expression steeled into something unreadable.

“There’s no need to be so defensive about it. I’m not blaming you, angel. I would never do that, but I do have to say the way you interact with each other can raise a lot of eyebrows. When he’s not with Thor he’s following you around the tower. He’s become your shadow, and sometimes you seem like his. It was only time before more people caught onto that. Being in public with him was a bad idea, and that’s what the media eventually caught onto.”

Silently seething in your seat, you intensely eyed Steve as he continued to give one reason or another why Loki was becoming a bad influence on you, and how he was slowly ruining your life. No, he didn’t say those exact words but that’s basically what he was trying to say. 

You had enough of Steve criticizing your friendship with Loki and trying to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do with him. He didn’t know as much as he thought he did and the fact that he wasn’t even trying to understand made you more angry.

Just like you had with Tony, you needed to set Steve straight. You weren’t sure where he fit into all of this, but you knew it wasn’t in your business.

You stopped him mid-sentence, silently raising a hand until he quieted.

“Steve, nothing you’re saying right now is making any sense. Loki and I’s friendship, nor the work I do with him isn’t any of your concern. No matter what you say I will continue to make sure Loki is working towards betterment while he is here on Earth, and that will not include Sarah.”

Steve shook his head, determination set strong in his gaze locked eyes with you.

“Angel, something is clearly wrong here, and I’m trying to help you. You need to open your eyes,” he stressed, eyes traveling around your face. “Have you seen yourself lately? He is clearly having a large effect on your wellbeing. You already have so many things going on and don’t need to be dealing with this right now.”

“I literally just had a conversation with Tony about this exact thing, and guess what? He’s not on board with this stupid plan anymore. He trusts me and wants me to do what I think is best because he knows I will figure this out. Why can’t you just do the same?”

“Because Tony doesn’t know what I know,” Steve snapped.

Your eyes narrowed on him. “And what do you know Steve? What’s so bad that I can’t be around Loki in public and force him to date a woman he doesn’t even know?” you scoffed. “Is it because of what you and the rest of the world think?”

Steve stared at you impassively. “No, not just that. It’s also because he’s upset the Asgardians.”

Your face sobered as you stared at him in silent confusion, waiting for him to continue.

“I spoke to Thor recently, and he said that somehow the Asgardians heard about what Loki was up to on Earth. They heard that he was pursuing a human, and that doesn’t sit well with them.”

“Why not?” you asked.

“Because they don’t really think of humans being on the same level as them. As generous as they can be, they don’t care much for humans, and if they think Loki is getting involved with one of us then they may try to argue for his stay here. That means-.”

“He wouldn’t be able to return to Asgard after all.” you finished for Steve, your voice faltering as despair made its way onto your face.

Steve nodded slowly.

“That doesn’t make any sense. Didn’t Thor have a relationship with a human once? He seems to be doing just fine.” “Yeah he did, and they gave him hell for it. He’s not with Jane anymore, and the Asgardians want to keep it that way. They already don’t care for Loki so imagine how they’d perceive him if they think he’s in a relationship with a human.”

“Again, he’s not,” you repeated. “Why would Thor tell you this and not just come straight to me? Shouldn’t I be the one to have known this first?”

Steve raised his brows with a light shrug. “I’m assuming he didn’t want to stress you out even more than you already seemed to be. He doesn’t like the idea of Loki dating Sarah either but knows this may be the best way to get the media to stop talking about you two.”

“But how does that help? Sarah is also human, won’t the Asgardians get upset about that too?”

“Not if they don’t know about it,” Steve answered. “Sarah may be a model, but she’s not nearly as notable as you’ve become in the recent years. Think about it, you live and work alongside the Avengers and are under Tony Stark’s wing. That’s enough to get others curious about you. People also believed that we were once dating as well. If Loki dates Sarah instead I doubt there will be much fuss about it.” He shrugged. “And it won’t be for long. They just have to appear as a couple long enough to take the heat off of you here, and to get the Asgardian’s off of his back. Then we can reassess on what to do next.”

You quieted at Steve’s explanation, starting to feel as if he had a point. His words about the Asgardians’ opinion of you and Loki were ridiculous—but that didn’t stop you from worrying about the potential and real consequences that would ensue if they thought you and Loki were involved romantically. 

You could care less about what anyone on Earth thought about the two of you, but if it came to the point where Loki wouldn’t be accepted back into his own realm, you’d be absolutely devastated.

It also made sense that Thor wasn’t with Jane anymore because his people wouldn’t allow him to. He was the only direct connection that humans had to Asgard and that could not be jeopardized. That made you feel really sorry for him.

Steve said your name, bringing your attention back to him. His was voice much calmer than before. “Thor knows how hard you've worked to gain everyone’s trust in Loki and get him where he is now, and as much as I’d hate to admit it, I’ve also noticed how well you’ve done with him. We all have. It’s really incredible, angel, and you should be proud of yourself.” He sighed, sliding closer to place his hand on your own. “Do you really want to ruin all of that hard work just because you don’t want Loki to be uncomfortable for a little while?”

It was almost the exact same words you said to Tony, but to argue for the opposite action.

You knew deep inside of you that this was more than just about Loki being uncomfortable for you. You really despised the idea of him spending more time with another person that wasn’t you. Call it selfish or petty,  but it was the truth, and you had to admit that to yourself before you could move forward.

“No,” You quietly answered Steve’s question. “I would never want to do that.”

“I know, you don’t,” Steve affirmed. “That’s why he needs to do this. But we both know he’s not going to do it without your help. You know what you have to do.”

You swallowed hard, a strong wave of dread washing over your entire body. It almost made you feel dizzy.

“Remember, it won’t be for long,” Steve promised. “But even after he’s done with Sarah, you need to create some space between the two of you so you don’t end up in the same exact situation you dug yourself out of.”

Steve was right.

You may have disagreed with his earlier statement about Loki being obsessed with you, but you couldn’t argue that this was a bad idea because of how the Asgardians would potentially treat Loki. Steve may have disliked Loki, but sharing this information was, strangely enough, his way of looking out for him. It wasn’t a direct attempt to help, as he said it because he knew how much you cared for Loki’s wellbeing, but it still worked in Loki’s favor in the end.

However, you knew that Loki wouldn’t believe you if you told him this. He’d think that Steve was trying to trick you into doing what he wanted which didn’t seem to be the case. You believed that Steve was telling the truth, and you couldn’t just ignore it because you didn’t like what it was. You had no reason to believe Steve wasn’t being anything but truthful. He’s never lied to you before so why would he decide to now?

Instead of going to speak to Loki like you had planned to after your conversation with Tony, you went straight to your room. You sent him a text saying that you were tired and wouldn’t be able to see him today. It was a poor excuse but you didn’t know if you were ready to face him and tell him the bad news.

Unfortunately, you didn’t have the courage to face him for another few days. You answered his endless calls and texts with the same excuse–you weren’t feeling well. It wasn’t completely false since you were still dealing with the sickness you felt from your condition.

You managed to hide from him for a while, long enough that it began to surprise even you.

However, Loki wasn’t named the god of mischief just for shits and giggles.

He always had a trick up his sleeve that he could use when it became most convenient for him. He found the most effective way to speak to you face-to-face.

“What is going on with you?” he implored, brows pinched in genuine concern. 

You were both sitting on your sofa in the small living area of your suite, a movie playing in the background that was quickly ignored the moment Loki set his gaze on you.

“You have never avoided me for this long, not on purpose. There must be something upsetting you. Is it something I did?” You watched as his throat moved slowly as he swallowed. “Is it because of what I said that day, during the storm?” 

You frowned, shaking your head quickly. “No, of course not! That was…” You trailed off, not sure how to accurately explain your thoughts about what happened that particular evening. “.. It isn’t about that. Not at all. I’m not upset with you, I promise.”

Though he didn’t look totally convinced, his expression relaxed as he shuffled closer to you. Ironically, you shivered at the feeling of his body heat, taking in his familiar scent as you held his gaze.

“Then what is it?” he pressed. “Something has you tensing up at the sight of me. If it is not something I have done to cause you to react this way, you must tell me what it is.”

“Must is a strong word,” you mumbled, causing him to raise an eyebrow, expression unamused.

The warning in his voice when he said your name was enough to make you give in.

“Okay, okay,” You sighed. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me you won’t get upset?”

“I cannot promise that if I do not know what you are going to reveal to me.”

“Yeah, but you can at least pretend not to be mad. That’ll make this whole thing easier to do.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Fine. I will not be upset with you. Now what is it?”

Your gaze briefly left his inquiring one, eyes suddenly finding the random movie playing on the screen to be easier to look at.

You squinted when you recognized what was on the TV. 

“Wait,” you said with a small frown. “Why are we watching Twilight? Didn’t we just watch this a few weeks ago?”

“You wanted to watch it again,” he explained without a beat.

“But not so soon, I only watch this like once a year. Anything more than that would make me die of cringe.” You snorted. “Why did we choose this movie again? I don’t remember choosing at all actually.”

“Dove…”

You ignored him looking around the room. Everything seemed normal but you were getting an odd feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

When did Loki get here? Why were you sitting with him like you weren’t just avoiding him for the past few days?

“I don’t remember...” You trailed off.

“None of that matters. Look at me.” He demanded, and you turned your gaze back to him. He leaned closer now that he had your undivided attention. 

“What do you need to say to me?”

“Well, it’s really an ask.” you shrugged. “I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to but I think you should really follow through with this.”

His brow quirked. “With what?”

Your teeth worried your lip before you finally said what you’ve been dreading to say to him since you last had your conversation with Steve.”

“I’ve kind of changed my mind… and I think it’s a good idea for you to date Sarah.”

You felt the entire world shift as you were suddenly awakened by the sound of a loud noise. Wiping away the bleariness from your eyes, you sat up, realizing that you had fallen asleep in your bed. 

Had that whole interaction with Loki just been a dream?

The loud thud that had woken you came again, sharper this time, making you flinch. Someone wasn’t just knocking, they were basically pounding on your door now.

You ripped the duvet from your body, leaving your room and hurrying to the door.

Flinging the door open, you were met with an intense-looking Loki, glaring at you as if you had completely lost your mind.

“What did you just say?” he growled, storming into your room and slamming the door shut behind him.

𝘈/𝘕: 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘓𝘰𝘬𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘵 🤔 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘢'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬? 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘮- 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 2 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵… 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 🫣 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘢 💚 -𝘈.

Story Masterlist

✦ 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰. 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 🤍

✦ 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘒𝘰-𝘧𝘪 ✨: 𝘩𝘵𝘵𝘱𝘴://𝘬𝘰-𝘧𝘪.𝘤𝘰𝘮/𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺24

𝘛𝘢𝘨 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵: @aintnooooway @mischief2sarawr @talesofadragon @cass0419 @lcolumbia1988 @echo-is-worth-more-than-2000 @dind1n

[sombra-conlangs]

Conlang year 2025 · Day 1 - 4

I decided to try out @quothalinguist's conlang year, it is basically a series of daily prompts that guide you through the process of creating a new language, by the end of the year you will end up with a conlang that is developed enough to participate in relays and lexember, you can find it on quothalinguist.com

It looks like conlang year is mostly geared towards creating languages that are naturalistic and evolved from a proto-language, and the concept I have for this is not going to really fit into that, you'll see why once I start describing it, but I don't imagine that'll be too much of an issue, it's still useful to have a guide for the different aspects of the language I should focus on. I'll try to adapt the prompts to work with my idea and I guess I'll skip the ones that I can't figure out how to adapt.

I'll be combining many prompts together into single posts for convenience, I'll tag these posts as both #Conlang year and #Conlang year 2025 so you can search those in my blog to see them all if you want (once I name the language I will also add it to the tags, but the language doesn't have a name yet).

If you want to see all of the information from these posts compiled into one place I will be adding all of the information about the conlang I create on my website: tekseni.bearblog.dev

Day 1: Set an intention for your language

(warning: this gets a bit heavy, but I try not to make it too dour)

I haven't been feeling great lately, I won't go into details, I'll just say that it can be difficult to manage your emotions when the world seems to be in such a terrible state, living through historical events is not easy.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I know there's some people who say you have to be constantly staying informed on every bit of news because if you don't you're a bad person, but that's not a sustainable way to live. It's important for us to keep ourselves sane, if you're going to help others through turbulent times you have to make sure you have your own feet on firm ground. I won't be of much help if I'm having a crisis, so taking care of my own mental health is important, and for many of us that can include a bit of escapism and using art as an outlet, using art as motivation to keep going and enjoy life despite the circumstances. This conlang is my escapism.

With all of that being said, here's my 2 main goals for this conlang:

1: I want this language to make me smile

I want to create something that helps me to find some beauty and hope in the world, I want the choices I make with the language to make me smile, and I want to be able to have fun while working on it, without having to worry too much about how naturalistic it is or anything like that, so ideally I'd also avoid comparing this to other conlangs.

If we compare this to visual art, I'd say this is less like trying to create an awesome painting with perfect perspective, colors and composition, and it's more like me doodling in a sketchbook that is meant primarily for me, but I also want to share it with others in case they find it to be at least mildly interesting or it helps inspire them in some way.

It's not like my other conlangs don't bring me joy, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this time I will try to design the language without worrying about things like naturalism or trying too hard to make my worldbuilding interesting or deep, it's just a canvas where I can throw paint and let myself go wild, trying out things I normally wouldn't, and making choices based on my personal preferences instead of what I think I "should" do, so I guess that makes this is a personal language.

2: This is going to be a surrealistic conlang

I have already decided who the speakers of my language will be, I'll elaborate more in the following prompts but I currently call them "dream angels" because they're basically benevolent beings that exist in the world of dreams, and because of this I want to try my hand at making a surrealistic conlang, @dedalvs wrote an essay on fiat lingua about what such a language might look like, and I keep coming back to it every now and then because I love the concept.

Even before that essay was posted I remember thinking of what conlangs might look like if they were inspired by different art movements, and a surrealistic one fits particularly well into the dream world idea, it will also allow me to fulfill my first goal fairly easily; making something that makes me smile without having to worry about naturalism and letting myself experiment. I've always been drawn to surrealism for one reason or another, not entirely sure why but I know this is something I'm excited to work on.

I'm not expecting this to be the best surrealistic conlang out there, but it doesn't have to be, it just has to be fun for me, and it will work as a learning experience regardless, so if I want to try again at some point I will have a better idea of how to approach it. I'm sure someone out there will make an amazing surrealistic conlang one day and I'll be excited to see it when it happens.

Day 2: Set an intention for sharing your language

Basically the main audience is me, I hope that future me will be able to look at all the different translations, grammar choices and vocabulary I made and feel like it's a fun language that still brings me some joy in some way or another, even if I don't keep working on it for much longer after the conlang year has ended at least I hope it was a positive experience.

I also want to share the language online (on this blog and on my conlang website) mostly because I'm hoping that at least one person is going to look at my conlang and feel inspired, or maybe it will make them smile too, so I'm going to try to describe all the features in a way that is understandable for other conlangers.

Day 3: Determine your speakers and conworld

The basic idea is that there is another plane of existence, one we can't see when we're awake, and the world where dreams exist is connected to this other realm, so when we dream we sometimes come into contact with the ethereal beings that speak this language, and they are kind and loving.

The dream angels usually don't interfere with human affairs too much, but they sometimes help us by making nightmares go away and soothing the people they see, at least while the people are asleep (since they can't interact with us outside of dreams).

They also shift the way they speak to be a bit more familiar to the person they're encountering, so I imagine the phonology of their language might shift a bit from its default form depending on what your native language is, the language would still be unintelligible to you but it would sound a bit like someone speaking your L1 in a weird way (which also means that it will be easier for you to pronounce the language if you are able to speak back at them because you will at least get to use sounds you already know how to pronounce, though you're welcome to pronounce it in its original form).

These beings are very surreal in their appearance, there's probably different types of dream angels but the ones I'll be working with are kind of like a mix of various sea creatures, drifting through space peacefully, building all sorts of things and admiring the nature that exists in their world.

I imagine their settlements are built on floating islands full of all sorts of critters and nature, and their world as a whole is probably a bit weird and doesn't always seem to follow logical rules, in keeping with the kind of things you see in dreams, so they might look a bit like something you'd see in an M.C. Escher artwork, where you're not exactly sure what you're looking at, but it has a certain beauty to it.

Day 4: Describe (or design) your speakers

And finally here's a picture I drew of a prototypical dream angel:

They might look a bit intimidating or scary to you, but I chose to take inspiration mostly from various sea creatures because they help to convey this kind of ethereal and weirdly beautiful aesthetic, when I look at jellyfish I often wonder how those are living beings that exist in our world, they look more like they're inanimate objects drifting in the water and yet they're alive, and they're so mesmerizing and fascinating, like a living nebula.

I imagine different dream angels would have different characteristics, but in general they're basically like some sort of jellyfish with 3 main tentacle-like appendages, many thin tendrils, 6 insect-like arms, 6 little wings (because it makes them look a bit more angelic lol) and they have one eye, but no human has ever seen their eyes because it is always covered by something, in this case it's a butterfly, but whatever is covering their eye it does not prevent them from seeing, this is the dream world after all.

I think there might be other types of dream angels, and they're all able to speak a human-like language because they don't need a mouth to speak, they just telepathically send sounds to other beings, so the speakers of my language will be characterized by being similar to sea creatures, perhaps there's other dream angels that are more similar to other types of animals, or inanimate objects, maybe some are just completely out there and don't even look like anything we're familiar with as humans. By the way if you feel inspired to design your own dream angels go ahead! I think it'd be nice if I was able to inspire creativity in others with my work.

I'm also choosing to use a human-pronounceable phonology because I enjoy pronouncing the words and sentences of my conlangs, but perhaps at some other point I will make a different register of the language that uses different noises as phonemes, maybe sounds of water and nature, or maybe something like one of those really peaceful synths, after all their phonology is not limited by their physiology or even things like logic.

But anyway that's it for now, I feel a bit vulnerable putting myself out there so much, this feels a bit more personal than my other conlangs I've shared, it's not like a regular fantasy worldbuilding project or a fanlang or an a posteriori language, this one is very out there and weird, but again I want to share it in case other people find it interesting, and hey, we need more examples of surrealistic conlangs, so I'm more than happy to contribute to that.

[shxdesofchaos]

"Ah. I believe only Deity and god have similar definitions, elemental is usually something different." Umbra starts off with, "Though stating you do not have any particular preference would have worked as an answer as well if you truly don't."

The ebony hedgehog paused as he heard the rest of it, an ear twitching. Right, if he didn't know about Chaos Drives, he likely didn't know about Gerald either. He took a slower, deeper breath as this would be a bit more of a sound bite than he normally was.

"...I was created, not born. G.U.N... the Guardian Units of Nations which are a military group... funded the project which led to my creation and also those of the chaos drives, which were made in conjunction with myself as they were a part of the project's process. Essentially, I'm an artificially created lifeform. An experiment."

"I'm considered the solution for those of whom the answer to their prayer is 'no'. I was created by Gerald to be the cure for all diseases and illnesses by making sure upon my creation that I was immune to them." Umbra began to explain the core idea of the project that had created him in incredibly rudimentary, bare bones skeletal details so that the base idea of what was meant to be accomplished would be understood.

"They utilized alien DNA... that which causes things like these wings that I have already explained regarding the Black Arms, and then Mobian hedgehog DNA in order to give me a form that resembles a mural on Angel Island, a floating island that is where the Echidnas lived and the Master Emerald is kept. As well as in order to make sure that I was stable for the level of raw chaos energy they put in my system through those drives, which enables me to utilize Chaos Energy the way I do." Umbra stated.

His voice tone is detached as he explained it, as it's not the first time that he's talked about it. He'd done so on the ARK when gathering the emeralds back then for the Eclipse Cannon. It's not difficult to talk about, at least, not in the level of detail that he is purposefully leaving out since Mephiles had not asked for an in-depth explanation. Even if there are a great many implications of just how Gerald and the other scientists who would have been helping the professor would have made sure that Shadow was actually immune to all diseases and illnesses. Not that he had ever gotten to the part where he was used as a cure. The ARK raid had seen to that.

A preferred name for his kind? The knee-jerk response would have been that Mephiles was fond of them being called gods, as the implications that had in almost any language were the same. And it was fairly accurate as far as he was concerned.

Neither did he think it very important, but…

“It matters not. As you would say, at the end of the day, I am what I am, and words do not change that. Deity, god, elemental — they all, more or less, mean the same thing.”

 He stared momentarily at the other. Mephiles couldn’t help himself.

“You keep talking about… things and people, talking about them as though they are common knowledge. Gerald was… your creator?” A pause; he noted mentally that he might be asking about something that the other may not want to talk about, but if that were the case, then why did he keep mentioning bits of it?

“I’m afraid I am a little lost.”

[jackatlas]

i remember back when i was 17-19 and my anxiety was completely out of whack i used to like. set parental controls for myself on twitter + force myself to read entire runs of manga online and not let myself look at my phone between x amount of pages. and the method i did for that was awful but distraction and making myself do enjoyable things instead of just scrolling was kinda a smart move

[vaguely-concerned]

Origins is of course the DA game most closely in conversation with and playing around with Tolkien (right down to the walking talking poetree haha) -- and even more so than most works in the larger western fantasy tradition derived from Tolkien's work that DA:O also hails from and owes a lot of its Stuff to, what makes the game so great to me is that it's doing so very deliberately, and is subverting and deconstructing those tropes and entrenched ideas in some very interesting ways without at all denigrating what it's commenting on. (it doesn't have the almost disdainful undertones of the vein of fantasy that seeks to make the world more 'realistic' ala the more tedious reactions to G.R.R.Martin's work, for example, despite having the darker fantasy bent to it.) among other elements it adopts, what I find the most fascinating is the choice to use the same literary device/conceit Tolkien did in ostensibly only having in-universe biased sources and works to deliver the world through (which I feel is an underappreciated thing about his approach but is part of what makes his world so enduringly compelling and real-feeling -- the feeling of real scholarship devoted/applied to a made-up world. the grounding effect of a good diegetic footnote about source criticism, truly).

many things to be said there, and I'm glad each following game has taken on different perspectives and lenses and traditions to view the world of Thedas through because if you stick with that one too closely for too long I fear we could teeter precariously close to Pratchett's famous and bitingly accurate accusation of most modern fantasy of that era just being about rearranging the furniture in Tolkien's attic lol. and while you could accuse DA2 (my perfect wife who has never done anything wrong in her life to be clear) of many things, that's not one of them, they are pulling on some completely different strings for that one and both the game and DA overall is better for it, to my mind. as so many things in this series: worth staying with and exploring for an installment even if it might get stale if all of it was like this! people are understandably sad about the elements from previous games that they liked which were lost along the way, but that capacity for reinvention is to my mind a huge strength of dragon age as a whole.

(I think Veilguard is coming in as a close second in Tolkien conversation-ness if only in outlining/revealing the worldbuilding that indeed may have been planned since DA:O around the animosity that SHOULD by all rights exist between dwarves and elves in this universe (as per Tolkienesque tradition standards). but doesn't really because you see: politics and the many pitfalls of conservation of knowledge over the ages. our ancestral enmity got semi-intentionally lost between the floorboards of history and you know what. maybe for the best. the humans are already up to so much shit you gotta keep your eyes on them at all times you can't be brawling with each other in the deep roads while they're still around getting up to their nonsense or they'll just pile up even more of it)

[vandalizingyourschool]

what have I got myself into

[the-somwthing]

Thinking of making one of those life series askblogs with all the dead characters in some form of afterlife. They’re really fun and things like that have been in my head since Last Life started so if anyone’s gonna jump on that you know it’s me (especially since I’ve run 3… successful enough ask series in the past).

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

making a sorta wip/unfinished compilation video thing for all the vsynth projects ive sorta lost interest in/abandoned sounds like it'd be fun to do and help me clear up some space on this got damn computer but im always like uouguhhh but what if it fucking sucks :( when it comes to like actual cover stuff 😔✌️ like mannn

[j-esbian]

does anyone else feel like they need to Make Fan Content That Is Also Good And Interesting in order to make/keep internet friends so as to be worth other people’s time

[wereh0gz]

Not feeling great abt some of my creative endeavors rn

[girlthingdecay]

.