#the horror of not knowing how much better it would be. the horror of knowing but being to scared to do something about it
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max verstappen nswf alphabet (part 1) (minors DNI!)
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A = Aftercare (what theyâre like after sex) Max is very understanding after sex. He knows that many times you are very exhausted by your activities. He tries to give you as much warmth as he can and always listens to what you say to him so that each time is even better than the last. He really enjoys hugging you to himself and so does lying on top of you, knowing that you are next to him. B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs) He likes his body and thinks he is appropriately athletic and tall. He has received many compliments in life because of this, so it has had a strong impact on his self-esteem. But he likes his arms best, especially after a workout, when his veins are strongly visible. In your case, he is a big fan of breasts. He loves to lie on them when he has a bad time. He loves to touch them when you make love. And he loves to look at them at every possible opportunity. C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Max isn't some cum fanatic, but he can't resist the sight of you nimbly swallowing whatever comes out of him after your perfect blowjob. Well normally he goes on his knees himself then (figuratively and not) D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) It may sound unprofessional, but when Max first saw you, he already knew exactly what he wanted your sex to look like. I know it sounds quite perverse - but you had exactly the same thing, and, to my horror, your visions were not at all different from each other E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what theyâre doing?) Max is already 27 years old, of course he is experienced. I would not exaggerate to say that he is very experienced, but he is. He's had partners before you, with whom he's been with longer and shorter, so he's already experienced a lot - that's why he's skilled with his tongue or hitting the right spot every damn time F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Doggy. Max knows what he wants and he's good at it. Taking you from behind gives him a lot of confidence and ability, so this is the best position for you. Oh, he still loves the way your back arches and has the ability to pull you close to kiss you. And you love it, because in this position Max can give you the most pleasure, especially when he's angry and emotional, and this is the easiest way for him to caress you G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He is rather serious when you make love. Sex is not strictly physical for him, and he likes to give a lot of emotion to it, so he is not a fan of emotionless fucking. And as for being moody at such moments, yes, it happens to him, sometimes you laughed or joked, he's not against it, not one bit H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I think Max is cut down to nothing there. He doesn't look like someone who likes himself in a thicket of hair, so he's perfectly coiffed there. As for you, he would probably also prefer it to be either to zero or with some I don't know, maybe a stripe through the middle? I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) He loves to whisper romantic words to you and tell you how good you are to him. He hasn't experienced much of this in his life, so he tries to be as warm to you as possible. And he loves taking you out for romantic dinners before that J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) This is a busy man. His stamina is not at all as high as it might seem, due to the fact that he is constantly living under stress and fighting for the championship. When you're not next to him and he doesn't have anyone to have sex with, he doesn't even think about masturbation, preferring to save it for the moment of your return, when you'll be next to each other and he can give it his all
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Max would like to be blindfooled. For once in his life, for it to be someone else who took control and he didn't know what was going on. Oh, until he shivers when he thinks about it. And then there's the realization that you would be the one making him feel good and guiding him to the end while he's blindfolded, how much he would give up for thatâŠ. L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Max is traditional. He's fed up enough with the media world and the hype surrounding his career that he most enjoys making love to you in bed, in your apartment. If it happens otherwise, of course, he doesn't complain, but he likes to be in your quiet surroundings.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Very often he feels like having sex before the race. That's when he gets tugged by higher emotions and is just overstimulated to the point that all he wants is to be in your arms. Or when you're wearing your skimpy pyjamas, oh god. Max purposely bought you more pairs of one and the same pyjamas, just to see you in them every day.
A/N: part two will be here soon! (If anyone wants me to tag them - let me know in the comments)
please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)
#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 instagram au#formula 1 x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen#max verstappen x reader#formula 1 x oc#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#f1 2024#f1 fanfiction#f1 fandom#f1 social media au#mv1 x you#mv1 fic#mv1 imagine#mv1 x reader#mv1
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Remembering my Afghani American best friend from my islamic elementary and middle school whose dad would get drunk every night and beat the shit out of her mother. She begged and begged for sleepovers because strangers in the house would make him leave, and I never told my parents about the situation (I lied and said she had no father or brothers) because I loved spending time at her house and staying up the whole night doing all the things we werenât allowed to do that was âharamâ⊠watching rated r movies, playing horror computer games, dancing to music videos on YouTube, cat walking in heels and makeup, scaring ourselves with creepypastas.
I remember we had a million stupid ass discussions about who the purple guy from five nights at Freddies was, or what a slenderman proxy meant, or if there were illuminati signs in Katy Perry music videos, or if emo drawings of Jeff the killer were hot. Weâd whisper fight if BeyoncĂ© or Lana del Rey was a better singer, or if teen wolf or maze runner had cuter boys. She was team BeyoncĂ© and teen wolf.
We had to constantly be separated in school for talking, and we hated the creepy janitor and would throw wads of wet paper towel on the bathroom ceiling for him to clean up later. We got into so much trouble together, and would always smirk at each other in detention when we got yelled at. Weâd shoplift lipsticks from the mall, and throw away expensive Quran transliterations from school, and sneak into the teachers break room and steal handfuls of ice and throw them on the imam/principalâs desk when he was gone to ruin his paperwork.
I moved away like I always had to do with my constantly migrating family and we lost touch. The last time I saw her in person was when we were still kids at her brothers wedding. I was laughing while I tried to ask her why the bride kept changing into different brightly colored dresses throughout the night. She wasnât listening, and she burst into tears and cried about how her brother was just like her father and did every horrible thing he did. I held her and squeezed her so tight I thought her bones would break.
I recently tried to reconnect with her again but sheâs already married, pregnant, and has abandoned social media and texting because itâs âharam.â Trying to talk to her was like speaking to a stranger⊠she had no interest in any of the things we would spend hours playing with before. âIslam is important to me now, Iâm a new woman. We were messed up kids, itâs time to grow up.â She told me to never contact her again and hung up the phone.
Sometimes I feel like I failed her, and sometimes I understand that I was a girl trying to survive too.
One day Iâll save money to travel back there and talk to her in person. Iâll snap her out of it. Weâll spend all night up together again doing every terrible thing our teachers and parents and religious leaders warned us against, and laughing the whole way through it. Weâll get kicked out of bars and get into trouble and snicker our way through it all, knowing weâve already won. I still have her dirty, worn, my littlest pet shop horse she gave me when we first met. I hold it in my hands when I see news of the whatâs happening to the women of Afghanistan, and I feel like Iâve failed her again. That Iâll forever be stuck an immature child and her a miserable adult, both of us doomed, unable to be saved from our fates in the end.
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Time Travel AU Part: 21
The sun had sunk into the horizon twice before Michael could finally see the wooden surface of his desk, the ivory towers of paper that used to observe his work now gone and neatly filed away. Sera was none too pleased with him once he finally returned to Heaven under the veil of night, much too late than he had initially planned. It didnât help that he didnât particularly have any acceptable excuse, at least according to Heaven, nor was Michael inclined to lie about his recent exploits. The end result? A steady stream of work that made Michael fully aware of the possible horrors of eternity. Sera wasnât necessarily upset about him skipping work for over a day, it did make her a little unhappy, but what truly ruffled her feathers was the fact that Michael suddenly went missing without any explanation for an extended period of time. And because Michael could see and admit his own faults, he simply accepted the punishment, given in the form of extra work, handed to him by Sera.Â
Click clack click clack. A steady rhythm sounded on Michaelâs wooden desk as he tapped his pen on it repeatedly, his mind busy with thoughts speeding past each other. He was contemplating going to Seraâs office and inform her of his finished work and he intended to do afterwards, but another part of him wasnât particularly on board with that idea. What if she would decide to simply give him more work to do? Considering his schedule was now âfreeâ. But then not informing her of anything was what got him in trouble in the first place. Michael pinched the bridge of nose as he let out an exhausted sigh. Damn him for being a little too dutiful; he decided to inform Sera anyway of his now free schedule, and just hoped that two full sunsets were enough of a time for her anger to have cooled down.Â
âCome in,â answered Sera after hearing a soft knock on her office door.Â
With a click, the door opened ever so slowly, revealing Michaelâs sheepish figure one by one. He stood there a little awkwardly for a moment before breaking the uncomfortable silence. âSo. Iâve finished all of my work.â A pause. He looked around the office and then back at Sera who had her gaze fixed on the paperwork on her desk. âJust thought Iâd let you know.â
âI still canât believe you have affections for the first man, and he requited,â Sera said as she put her quill and the paper down onto her desk, her gaze unreadable.
âAh, yes, wellâ Itâsâ,â Michael stopped his mumbling, taking a deep breath so that he could formulate his words much better. âWeâre testing the waters.â Or well, Adam was. For Michael was resolute about his feelings, having accepted them long ago. The first man, on the other hand, while he seemed to return the archangelâs affections, seemed to still be rather unsure about committing. But that was alright for Michael, he didnât mind; he could understand why Adam was reluctant, considering his past commitments. That, and Michael was patient, he always would be for Adam.
âYou really are siblings, huh?â Sera commented, her face still impassive and unreadable.Â
âSorry?â
âYouâre almost as odd as your brother,â Sera clarified.
âIs that a good thing or..?,â Michael asked, unsure how to feel about Seraâs sudden comments.Â
âIt has its appeal,â answered Sera. âThough I do find it odd that you both fell for the first humans.â
A slight frown formed on Michaelâs lips, his brows knitted together, a serious look in his eyes. âIs that what youâre truly angry about?,â he asked, his tone defensive. He wasnât backing down on this one; he could admit any wrongdoings he mightâve done, but this wasnât one of them, and he refused to be told otherwise.
Sera smiled lightly. âNo, I was mad about you missing without notice, not that.â She sat straighter on her seat, hands clasped together, a soft yet worried look on her face. âI just find it ironic, you two brothers,â she clarified. âAnyway, Iâm actually happy for the first man. Humans are made to be social after all, and a companion would do him some good. That, and I was hoping you could finally convince him to ascend to Heaven.â
Michael sighed, somehow feeling even more than before. âI told you already that heâs adamant about staying in the garden.â
âJust consider it. It would do you both good to be able to stay together for longer without having to skip duties,â Sera said, a smile that didnât reach her eyes painted on her face.Â
âRight.â It was clear to Michael that Sera was still unhappy with what he did, so he simply kept his words short, unwilling to tip the scales further. âWell, if thereâs nothing elseâŠâ
âOh, go on ahead.â Sera waved him away as she picked up her work again. âAt least this time we know of your whereabouts.â
â-
Michael fluttered stutteringly in the sky, looking like he was about to crash, before landing clumsily just a few feet from Adam, who was currently sitting on the grass with Amora laying her head on his lap. He stumbled closer towards the first man with wobbly legs, almost tripping over his own feet as his exhaustion seemed to become heavier and heavier with every movement he made.Â
âOh hey, where have you been?,â Adam asked, a small grin playing on his lips as the archangel continued to lumber towards him, somehow looking even paler than he usually was. âYou look like a zombie.â
Once he was near enough, Michael flopped down on his knees, pushing Amora off Adamâs lap before tiredly wrapping his arms around Adamâs waist and shoulder. âWhatâs a zombie?,â he asked after a moment, his eyes closed as he tried to relax within Adamâs presence.
âUh.â Adam wasnât sure how to react toâŠthis. Michael hadnât been overtly touchy with him before, it wasâŠodd, but that he found himself not disliking it at all. âItâs just something I made up, donât worry about it,â he waved off, his voice a little stiff from embarrassment.Â
âOkay.â Michael wrapped his arms around Adam even tighter, snuggling his face even closer towards Adamâs abdomen, his eyes closed to fully immerse himself in the embrace. The gardenâs warm air and serene atmosphere combined with the first manâs scent and presence so close to him worked like a magic greater than any belonging to the angels up in Heaven. Days of exhaustion and tedium sloughing off his skin, his muscles, his bones and down to his very core. A content sigh escaped from his lips as he felt the burden of heavenly work slip away from him. âI missed you,â he said, voice full of sincerity.
A bright red hue quickly spread all over Adamâs face over Michaelâs bold and overt display of affection. An uncomfortable heat clung to his cheeks as his heart raced wildly in his chest; he tried his best to frown, to push the mushy feelings down to be kept hidden in a box covered in dirt six feet under, just so he could be annoyed at himself for behaving so greenly. In the end, the only thing he accomplished was to hug back the angel so closely attached to him, rubbing his hand up and down the angelâs back in a soothing manner. A silent reply to Michaelâs admittance.Â
âIt has been quiet these last two days,â he mumbled, though as soon as he said it, he felt like taking it immediately back and then bash his head against the toughest tree he could find in the garden.Â
Michael pulled away a little, just so he could gaze upon Adamâs beautifully sculpted face. He could hear and feel the first manâs rapidly beating heart against him, and his face told the entire story â so prettily pink with golden eyes simmering beneath the surface from the warmth Michael caused within him. A proud smile crept on the angelâs lips, happy that he was the one to cause such an honest reaction from the first man. Though it began slowly, one by one, Adam was allowing himself to be more honest with himself in Michaelâs presence. For Adam to be willing to share his vulnerabilities, pieces of himself, was something that Michael would forever hold dearly for eternity.Â
âW-what are you looking at me like that for?,â asked Adam, getting even redder as Michael held him so tenderly and preciously within the deep blue of his eyes. A gaze so loving he didnât know what to do with it â it had been so long since someone looked at him this way.Â
âNothing, just appreciating the scene,â answered Michael, his smile growing even wider as he noticed the flush across Adamâs face growing brighter. Though, he supposed he should ease up a bit seeing as how Adam seemed to be ready toâÂ
As Michael had predicted, an unfinished woven mat was thrown over his face, obscuring his entire vision of the outside world, hearing only Adamâs embarrassed grumble above him. He suppressed the urge to chuckle, not wanting to push his human too much lest he be kicked out of the comfortable position Adam had allowed him to reside in.
âSorry, sorry,â he apologised, attempting to placate his humanâs embarrassed fury, as he pulled the mat off of his face. Gazing once more upon Adamâs still flushed face, he suppressed the urge to do something more. âItâs just that Sera hasnât been particularly lenient with me lately,â he explained, his head still comfortably resting upon Adamâs lap.
Adam snorted, a little pout on his lips, âWell, maybe you deserved it.â
âI did deserve it a little,â Michael agreed. âThe hot drink you taught me about did save me though. What was it called again? Tea?â
âYup, and I gave you green tea to bring,â Adam confirmed. âYou liked it that much?,â he asked, his prior embarrassment quickly fading away at the mention of a new topic.
âI like it a lot, though I found that if I use really hot water, it becomes bitter but also keeps me feeling energetic for longer,â answered Michael. âWhich is great. I like the bitterness and it keeps me running for longer. I donât think I wouldâve survived Sera without it.â
Adam paled a little bit. Great, he just introduced caffeine to a workaholic. âHow much of the tea leaves do you have left?â
âOh! I was just about to ask.â Michael fished for the pouch Adam had given him before in his pockets, showing its empty content to the human. âCan I ask for more? The other angels also seem to like it.â
Suddenly, an idea, brighter than any halo, sparked in Adamâs head. âSure, I made plenty. Bring as much as you like,â he smiled mischievously. If they liked it so much, then Adam was willing to share as much as they liked, and also very much willing to hear news from his insider (Michael) of the interesting consequences of his gift.
Michael beamed at Adamâs answer, believing that his human was just simply so sweet and generous. He would have to repay his generosity in kind one day.Â
This was nice. Snuggling up to the centre of his affections, breathing in the relaxing air of the garden of Eden, soaking in the warming rays of the sun as he spent his time away in the close presence of the first man. He felt like he was home. No, it wasnât the garden that was necessarily home to him, but simply living a life together with Adam. Any time he spent with the first man felt like a perfectly fitting puzzle piece as if he was exactly where he was meant to be.
He looked back up at Adam, who had decided to continue weaving leaves for his craft, unsure if he should ask again knowing what the answer would most likely be. âMaybe I shouldnât overstay next time.â
âSera scarred you that badly, huh?,â Adam chuckled, remembering how terrifying the seraphim could be if the right buttons were pushed. He would know, he pushed a lot of buttons.
âMaybe,â Michael replied, a small smile forming on his lips before fading away quickly as he readied his suggestion. âThere would be days where I simply could not stay for long or not even visit,â he started. âWouldnât those days be lonely for you too?â
Adam stopped the work he was doing to focus his attention back on the angel laying on his lap. A sigh escaped from him, he understood what Michael was hinting at. âThe garden can be a little uneventful on my own,â he admitted. âBut I wouldnât trade it for anything.â
A small frown formed on Michaelâs previously hopeful face, not so much out of sadness, but out of genuine confusion and curiosity at Adamâs unwavering adherence to the garden. Yes, the garden was paradise precisely made for humans, but surely now that he was the only human in it, Heaven should look rather favourable to him, especially since it actually had other inhabitants in it that were at least at his level of communication and understanding. And as beautiful as the garden of Eden was, it only offered Adam animals as companions. It wasnât as if Michael didnât think animals were great companions, Amora was proof otherwise, but to live amongst creatures so far and different from oneselfâŠIt would be rather isolating. He didnât understand Adamâs preference to remain at all.
âThatâs alright. I wonât force you to ascend,â Michael said. âBut, may I just ask why? I couldnât help but be curious about your insistence to stay.â
There was a long silence between the two of them with Adam giving thoughts time to properly formulate answers he could give. The reason for his adamant insistence to remain in the garden was obvious to him of course; it was his long lost home, a place he had yearned for all of his first mortal life until the end of his first afterlife. More than a millennia of longing and missing the one place he only felt like he belonged in, the one place where he was the happiest. And even until his second chance at restarting, Eden remained that place for him, only strengthening his bond to it. It wasnât something he was willing to ever let go of ever again.Â
But he couldnât say all that, so instead, Adam settled for a simple, but true enough answer.
âI just feel like this is where I truly belong.â
Part 20
Part 22
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel adam#guitarhero#hazbin hotel michael#michael x adam#hazbin adam#time travel au#đĄđž
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Good Boy
Content: NSFW, face riding, cunnilingus, praise kink, poor self-image, discussions of BDSM etiquette, safewords, handjob
Note: This exists in a modern, alternate universe where Aemond is very submissive. I intend to turn this premise into a collection of loosely related drabbles with little to no plot. Also, thank you to @peachysunrize for encouraging me and for making the GIF that I used! đ
Aemond fucking loved when you sat on his face. There was something absolutely wonderful about you smothering him with your cunt and using him for your pleasure. He hooked his arms around your legs, pulling you closer, prioritizing eating your pussy over breathing. Above him, you moaned, rocking your hips as his nose ground against your clit deliciously.Â
âYouâre doing so well,ïżœïżœ you gasped, clutching the headboard desperately as your third peak drew closer and closer. âAemond, youâre so good.âÂ
He groaned happily, working his tongue inside of you as you praised him. He had always thought that he would never enjoy letting someone else be in control of him in such a vulnerable state, but you always seemed to know exactly what he needed. You were so gentle, so kind to him, that he was afraid that you would leave. How could someone like you want someone like him? He could never understand, but he could try to convince you to stay by committing to making you cum until you physically couldnât anymore.Â
You had made him promise to tell you if he couldnât breathe, but he was tempted to ignore the lack of oxygen in favor of bringing you pleasure. He wanted you to tell him that he was good, and he wondered if you would do so if he told you that his head was spinning. What if you were upset with him? He could tell that you were getting close, and he didnât want you to be disappointed in his weakness. However, he remembered the last time that he had tried to keep going. He had almost passed out, much to your horror. While he had been more than alright, he was completely confused why you had been so saddened by his willingness to suffer for your pleasure. You hadnât told him that he was good, despite him making you cum four times, because you were so concerned for him. But that had been four times, and this would only be your thirdâŠÂ
He whined in panic; he didnât know what to do, so he desperately tapped on your thigh and tried to pull your cunt closer at the same time. You pulled away from him immediately, searching his face for some kind of hint as to what was wrong.Â
Fuck. He was suddenly afraid that he shouldnât have tapped your leg. ââM sorry,â he mumbled, trying to pull you back down. âIâll try again, âm sorry. Iâll do better, Iâll fix it.â Gods, what was wrong with him? He shouldâve just let you ride his face until he passed out, but he had to go and fuck it up by being pathetic and weak.Â
To his horror, you crawled off of him. He froze, fear coursing through him. Were you going to leave him? He needed you to stay and care for him. What did he need to do to make it up to you? Whatever it was, he could take it.Â
And then, you did the most surprising thing: you pulled him into your arms and began to caress his hair. âThereâs nothing to fix,â you said lightly, gently kissing his temple as you carefully wiped your own slick off of his chin. âYou did the right thing by asking me to stop. Iâm very proud of you, Aemond.âÂ
A warm feeling erupted in his chest at your words, one that he didnât quite know what to call. He was very confused why you were telling him that he did a good job, but he liked the way that you were holding him. He hesitantly nuzzled you, a lovely feeling encasing him when you pulled him closer. He let himself enjoy the sensation for a moment longer, then swallowed hard. âI donât understand,â he mumbled, loathing himself. âIâm sorry, I donât get it. I must be stupid.âÂ
âOh, Aemond,â you whispered. âNo, youâre not. What donât you understand?âÂ
He whimpered, squirming until he was able to hide his face in the crook of your neck. âWhy are you proud of me?â he asked, his voice small. âI made you stop; I didnât make you cum again.âÂ
You gently stroked his hair. âYou didnât need to. This isnât good for me if youâre hurting. Stopping isnât bad. You were very good because you let me know that you couldnât breathe.âÂ
Aemond felt warmth pool in his stomach when you told him that he was good. He was quite certain that he was being bad now, since you were trying to help him understand and his cock was hardening. âI just want to make you happy,â he said softly.Â
âOh, my sweet boy,â you murmured, âI will always be happy when I am with you.â Aemond felt a smile threaten to make itself known on his lips at your words. He blushed slightly when you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, and he gasped when you slowly wrapped your hand around his swollen cock. âWe will need to talk more about this later,â you told him, âbut I wish to pleasure you now. Would you like that?â He nodded vigorously; you shook your head. âUse your words.âÂ
âYes,â he blurted. âPlease, yes. Stroke my cock, please, I beg you.âÂ
âGood boy,â you said, slotting your mouth against his own as he whimpered in delight at the praise.Â
You began to slowly jerk him off, your grip wonderfully tight. Aemond whined as your thumb circled the swollen head, a shiver running through his body as he hesitantly bucked upwards into your hold. It felt so good, having your warm hand work him towards his end.Â
âI wish you could see yourself,â you whispered against his lips; Aemond whimpered. âYou look so pretty, fucking my fist.âÂ
âPlease,â he gasped. âFaster, please, I need it faster.âÂ
You complied with his request, moving your hand rapidly along his length. Your thumb gently traced his sensitive tip, gathering his precum and using it to make his cock slick. He couldnât believe how good it felt as he rolled his hips faster, his cheeks burning at the wet sound that was proof of the mess he was making in your soft palm.Â
âI hope you like your treat,â you said, gently stroking his hair with your fingertips as your other hand worked quickly on his aching prick. âYou were so good for me, fucking me with your tongue and making me cum. And youâre so pretty when you let me jerk you off. Are you close?âÂ
He was embarrassingly close. Aemond could feel the coil in his stomach tightening at your praise. He nodded desperately, then buried his face in your neck. âYes, Iâm close. Please, Iâm so close.â He needed you to tell him that he could cum. He was going to go mad if you didnât give him permission.Â
You kissed his forehead. âGood boy. Cum for me, Aemond.âÂ
He would have been ashamed of the whorish moan he let out, but he was too focused on how good it felt to worry about how he sounded. Spots danced in front of his eye as his entire body tensed, his cock spasming in your palm as he came all over his stomach. You continued to stroke him throughout it all, helping him to ride through his high as he shuddered and whimpered. He needed to feel like this every day for the rest of his life, he was sure of it. You were so good to him, being kind as you used him for your pleasure and rewarding him when he pleased you.Â
When his breathing finally slowed several moments later, he realized that he was trembling and clinging to you. Sheepishly, he let go, attempting to move away from you. To his surprise, you gently took his hand in your own, lacing your fingers through his and squeezing gently. âYou were such a good boy, Aemond,â you said, smiling as he blushed. He gasped as you brought your cum-stained hand to your lips, sucking his release from your fingers before kissing him. He whimpered as you slid your tongue into his mouth; he could taste his own cum and it was fucking hot.Â
When you pulled back a few moments later, Aemond smiled at you, reveling in the warmth that bloomed in his chest. He hesitated for only a brief second before cautiously curling up in your arms, sighing in sleepy contentment as you held on to him. âThank you,â he mumbled.Â
You pulled him closer, keeping him safe as he relaxed in your embrace. âOf course. Rest now, my darling good boy. You deserve it.âÂ
For the first time in a long while, Aemond was calm as he closed his eye and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
#my writing#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen angst#aemond targaryen fluff#aemond targaryen smut#aemond targaryen x reader#modern!au#dom!reader#sub!aemond targaryen#house of the dragon
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Um ok guys I wrote something to post??? Iâm scared bc this kinda sucks but Iâve been writing a lot of random stuff for Patrick and I finally feel ok enough about this fic to publish it i guess đđ this is not really proofread or edited much, so yeah đđ
Patrick Zweig x Reader, 1.4k words (Art is also mentioned), and theyâre all around college age.
Childhood best friends, mutual pining, fluff, first kiss/admission of feelings, and all of the things.
TW for drinking/alcohol use
Patrick had been one of your closest friends since kindergarten, and ever since you two had met, you were attached at the hip. Even after Patrick had gone off to Mark Rebelattoâs Tennis Academy, even though you didnât see each other as much, he always made sure to text and surprise you whenever he was home. As you both grew up, you watched Patrick change- he went from the goofy kid with big ears to a tall, and honestly hot guy. And he was well aware of it. Everywhere you went, you saw how he acted- he was so sure of himself, so cocky, and he acted brash and loud. But you knew him better than that.
When it was just the two of you, Patrick was gentle and sweet. He had always been touchy, somehow always managing to go from across the couch to having his arm around you on your movie nights. He was just like that with his friends, totally.
Throughout your friendship, he was always there to protect you; he always kept you close during your parentâs parties, knowing that you didnât like events and social gatherings the way he did. He always guided you everywhere and took over conversations when he could tell that you didnât feel like talking. His hand on your waist, he would guide you through the crowds, always making sure you were close to him. He could see right through you, and somehow in these times he understood exactly what you needed. Ever so often, he would slip his hand into yours and give it a tight squeeze to comfort you. This was just your routine, and you knew that Patrick was the only reason why you still agreed to go to these events.
Patrick had always been there for you. He came home from boarding school just for the weekend to take you to your senior prom, he came over and helped you pack for college, and he never forgot to call. Your relationship with him was so perfect⊠But there was just one problem.
You were in love with your best friend. And you watched him go on dates, sleep with girls, and you knew that he just didnât want you like that. Every time he would pull you close, hold your hand, or cuddle you on the couch, you just had to remember that this was just his personality. He could get any girl he wanted, and you two were just meant to be friends.
You were good at holding your feelings in, terrified of disturbing the perfect relationship you had with Patrick- you couldnât risk losing it all over a crush.
â--
Tonight was just like any other night with Patrick and Art- you were all hanging out in Patrickâs living room, drinking random cocktails Pat had mixed up for you, and watching a movie. The three of you were apart most of the year- you in college on the east coast, Art at Stanford, and Patrick just traveling around playing pro tennis. So every summer, you made sure to hang out at least a couple times all together, usually just getting drunk and talking about everything and nothing.
The three of you were lounging in the living room watching some stupid horror movie that none of you really cared about. You and Patrick were on opposite sides of the couch, and Art was comfy on the armchair next to you guys. As the movie progressed, the three of you got drunker, and you started to feel more hazy- so when Patrick pulled you into his arms, holding you as you two watched the movie, you couldnât help but nuzzle closer into him, melting into his touch. While you two cuddling was nothing new, this was different: it felt a little more sweet and intimate than normal.
You whispered to him, âHey, I missed you while I was at collegeâ, closing your eyes, tired from the drinking.
Patrickâs face turned red when you whispered that, and he looked away. It wasnât fair of you to be sweet like that when he was trying so hard to not lean in and kiss you. You understood Patrick in a way that no one else did, and you were the only person he could be completely vulnerable with. He was different with you than with everyone else, and he loved to care for you. Since late in high school, he had been desperate to tell you that he wanted you, but he couldnât lose you. The commitment was terrifying, and also, Patrick wasnât even sure if you wanted him that way. So, he had carried that with him for years- but he still couldnât help himself from needing you close, and he couldnât stop himself when he cupped your face with his hand, and tilted your head up at him.
âI missed you tooâ, he whispered. It was already hard for him to not confess to you while he was sober, but now that he was tipsy, it felt almost impossible to keep his words from spilling out. You two locked eyes for a moment, and the way he looked at you felt almost unreal. He looked at you like you were some sort of angel, his eyes filled with an adoration and sweetness that was so unlike the Patrick Zweig you were familiar with.
After a moment, he looked away, his face turning slightly red. Feeling bold, you nuzzled your face back into the crook of his neck, just wanting to be closer. You knew that you would regret being this obvious in the morning- he was just drunk, he probably didnât actually love you- but you couldnât help yourself. He held you tighter in his arms as the movie played, and the night got later.
At this point, Art had fallen asleep on the armchair- and as soon as he opened his eyes, he smiled and announced that he was going to bed- this movie sucked anyways. He looked at you and Patrick curled into each other, and he didnât even seem surprised- he knew how much Patrick liked you, even if Patrick tried to hide it. So, he went upstairs, leaving the two of you on the couch. You both were silent for a couple minutes, unsure if you should say anything. Patrick pretended to be into the movie, but all he could think about was you in his arms.
He whispered your name, looking into your eyes as you glanced up at him. You saw him glance down at your lips and then staring back up at you, and he looked more nervous than you had ever seen him. His hand cupped your face gently, as he whispered, âis this ok?â. You nodded, holding back a small smile as he leaned in and kissed you.
The kiss felt natural for the two of you- like it was something you had done a million times before. Patrick couldnât help but smile into the kiss, barely believing that he was actually, finally kissing you. Patrick had been dreaming of this moment for years, even though he would never admit it.
He pulled away from your lips gently, pressing small, sweet kisses all over your jaw. You laugh softly as he moves his hands from your face and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to him.
You closed your eyes, the lateness of the night sinking in. You felt so relaxed and content as Patrick continued to press soft kisses down your neck.
You both eventually laid down on the couch, Patrickâs arm slung across your waist as you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. Your drunkenness took over and the world spun around you, but Patrickâs strong arms around you made you feel held in place. You drifted off to sleep, trying to avoid thinking about what things would be like in the morning- because for now, you were happy.
Patrickâs hand rubbed lazy circles into your back as he held you close to him, and felt his stomach twisting with anxiety and happiness, his heart beating faster as he pulled you tighter. He heard your breathing slow down as you fell asleep against him, and he wished to himself for this moment to never end.
Patrick eventually fell asleep against you, and he held you tight for the rest of the night.
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Barred Protection Chapter Six!
Hey all, sorry this took a while. I also forgot to put this here when I was posting it on AO3, oops, but it's here now!
First Chapter
TW: overstimulation and its effects
How long had it been since the nice man had come in and held him? He wasnât sure. Danny knew that he was only allowed to see this man when he couldnât cry anymore. He missed the man so much.
Danny had started referring to him as Comfort in his head. Normally he knew he could make a better name but his whole head fuzzed intolerably when he tried to now.
Despite wanting to ask Comfortâs actual name, Dannyâs hoarse voice never seemed loud enough anymore.
Danny wanted Comfort so badly that when a dark shape blocked most of his vision he instinctually went to lean into it. The shape pulled back for a quick second before Danny was being hoisted slightly higher in the air.
They were letting him down! Did this mean there was a new person that was going to make him feel better? But he hadnât stopped crying.
Something green and blue was now in his vision as he was flipped around to laying on his back. The green thing got bigger, closer, before reaching out to his head. Calloused fingers pressed in between his eyes.
Hello, do you understand?
Danny jolted. That voice wasnât warbled and watery. It was clear as if it were in his head. He tried to respond but nothing came from his mouth.
I am Jâohn. We are here to rescue you.
Images flashed of a facility being broken into by a bunch of costumed people. They looked so familiar it made him ache. Jâohn was very patient, holding the image for as long as Danny needed. Danny keened as he tried to recognize who had him but he simply couldnât.
Do you know the Justice League?
Did he? Danny didnât know. He felt he should know but nothing was familiar to him about the images and names that the green guy was sending him. The green guy seemed to give up.
Can you tell us your name? Where youâre from?
Danny tried; he got his name but where he was from? His head fogged out at the force of trying to remember. Maybe if he thought of people he knew? His parents were indistinguishable blobs of color. His sister, he had a sister, she wasâŠsheâŠ
He was so tired. Thinking was so tiring.
There was a moment where concern washed over him and then the fingers on his forehead were gone. Danny nuzzled into whoever had ahold of him. It would be okay to sleep for a bit, right? TheyâŠthe justiceâŠ?
League, the Justice League. Right. They wouldnât mind if he took a small napâŠright?
He slipped into nothingness as someone carded their hands through his hair.
---
Daelus stared in horror as rings enveloped Subject P, revealing a young boy with black hair instead of the entity he had grown to know.
This wasnât right. He was promised that whatever he had bought wasnât human. But the being in front of him was very human.
It had to be a trick, something Subject P was doing to garner more sympathy from the Justice League.
Daelus had done extensive work to ensure that he wouldnât harm a person in his company. He gave employees full benefits and wages almost higher than the company could afford at first. He had paid sick days, paid holidays, paid mental health days: all because he wanted to best for the people working under him.
He hadnât missed a single thing regarding helping others, he couldnât have.
Subject P even got the best care he could offer without sacrificing work flow. The subject was fed high end food, muscles stretched regularly to avoid atrophie and stiffness, they even went so far as to brush the beingâs teeth twice a day!
The being that was currently curling in on batman just likeâŠ
âŠlike a child.
A human child.
He had been using a child for medicines. Heâd- God heâd tortured a child.
All at once the feeling in his legs went out. Wonder Woman had good reflexes, thank goodness, or his face would have smashed into the floor. Daelus watched the boy nuzzle into Batmanâs chest. A sickening churning in his gut started. He quickly turned away before it could get overwhelming.
âCome on.â Wonder Woman yanked him to his feet again before escorting him from his own facility and into a police transport.
Daelus didnât do much more than stare blankly at the floor as the door shut behind him. All he had wanted was to help people, to fix the ailments that never seemed to end.
The attempts to ensure he didnât buy a meta had failed spectacularly. His stomach started churning again. No wonder the being had taken the shape of a young child, it-he-WAS a young child.
The boyâs face stayed at the front of his mind. He crushed his eyes shut. âWhat have I doneâŠ?â
---
The boy was safely in the watch tower medbay. Daelus had plead guilty on all charges, not even putting up much of a fight. Batman was suspicious of that, but the boy was his top priority, especially with how little information Jâohn was able to pull from his mind.
Jâohn had said that the boyâs mind was similar to a static filled television screen. A few things popped in here and there but never a clear enough picture. The only thing he got from the boy was his name.
The room was dimly lit, the sound so silent it pressed in on your eardrums. Jâohn had insisted there be as little stimulus as possible to help Danny recover.
Severe overstimulation. Thatâs what the medical team had said. Danny had been subjected to a near constant stream of overstimulation in order to be used as he had been. Batman pursed his lips at the memory of that horrible room. Screams echoed in his mind.
What kind of man just showed a young child constant images of people being harmed and killed? What sick mind had come up with that?
Dealus had seemed dangerous, but not to the degree he had been revealed as.
A grunt broke the silence as Batman mulled over how the news was going to handle this story. A meta child being used to synthesize the medicine that so many people were depending on.
And with those people depending on it, often times to survive, what would happen now that the truth was out? Ameliorate couldnât sell medicine after this. There would be a scandal for sure; one that could and probably would end up tearing the country- maybe even the world- apart with debates of ethics vs human lives.
There wasnât going to be a clear cut answer. No path that would make everyone happy. He hated these situations more than anything.
A soft sigh pulled him from his thoughts. Danny wasâŠinteresting. The boy was switching between his forms seemingly at random and had been ever since they got him out. He had been sleeping almost the entire time but when he did wake he became increasingly panicked if not accompanied by someone.
Flash had, at one point, brought up that he heard Danny muttering for âcomfortâ, as though it were a proper noun and not a feeling. This worried Batman.
Worried he may have been, there wasnât much he could do to help the boy. A facial search had come up with nothing and just the name âDannyâ would leave him with thousands of people to sift through.
Batman looked away from Danny as he heard the door hiss open. Jâohn nodded a greeting before stepping up to Dannyâs side.
For the past week he had been trying to sooth Dannyâs mind with his own powers. They couldnât tell if it was helping anything but it was shown not to hurt so the medical staff didnât stop him from trying.
Batman stayed for the thirty minutes it took for Jâohn to give up for the day. There was no change from Danny, but he hadnât expected one.
Jâohn sat in the chair opposite of the one Batman was in. âHave you found any signs of where Daelus acquired Danny?â
He let out a grunt. The martian nodded before getting situated to take over companion duties.
As Batman stalked the halls he pursed his lips again. There wasnât any record in Daelusâs files about how he obtained âSubject Pâ but there was plenty of records of his care and needs.
In an odd way it was as if Daelus had wanted the best care for the boy despite the state Danny was in. He let out another grunt. It looked like if he needed information, he was going to have to get it from Daelus himself.
---
Clockwork smiled to himself as he watched his looking glass. Everything was as it should be again, the League in the right direction to get Danny more help than they could provide. It would be quite some time before he saw young Daniel again but the time spent healing would not be a loss to him.
Yes, even Frostbite would soon be soothed in his worries.
Everything was going the way it should.
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the narrative that could have been
Having mulled over the game for a couple of days I have realised that the main problem for me is that Veilguard is good based on the premises they ultimately choose, but not based on the set up and promise of what was there before. I know this isnât a unique take by any means and yes itâs all about the Evanuris and the Veil and Solas.Â
Replaying really emphasises how incredibly little the game convinces me of its original main quest - to prevent Solas from doing his ritual. This is a problem as a long-term player because for three games weâve had build up for a great crescendo tackling the overarching themes of the (restrictions and oppression of) magic, of tears in the Veil, of religious tyranny and oppression based on myths about the Black City and the temptations of flawed humans, weâve seen and deconstructed the elves quite a bit, we got started on the dwarves and in DAI your Inquisitor can openly ask Solas if it wouldnât be better if the Veil came down because then spirits wouldnât be separated from the living and risk becoming demons. Cole, whose function is to reflect the plot, talks endlessly about the old songs wanting to be sung again, about how it hurts to be cut off from part of yourself, how the templars feel it, how the mages feel it, how the elves and the dwarves feel it. The Veil as a prerequisite for life has been deconstructed, the Fade demystified, the gods have mostly fallen. The Veil as an actual wound inflicted on this earth has been presented as a theory and not been convincingly rejected by the narrative.Â
The game actually gives no explanation whatsoever as to why the Veil coming down would be worse than what Rook causes in the beginning and what the escaped gods then do to the entire Thedas. The entire south falls to the Blight because Elgarânan and Ghilan'nain are let loose. The Wardens are more or less wiped out. Thereâs enormous political turmoil. The game gives us Solas saying âthousandsâ would die when he brought the Veil down, but that he had a host of spirits there to help. (Yes, I know, his sole function in this game is to Trick and Deceive so who is to say if heâs lying, HUH, but even so, THE ENTIRE SOUTH FALLS TO THE BLIGHT IN ROOKâS VERSION OF THINGS.)
The game puts emphasis on Solas's questionable methods and past horrors but it doesn't ever explain why his goals are despicable here and now. It doesn't convince us that tearing down the Veil with lots of safety measures in place and after considerations is a bad result, all things considered - save for Varricâs initial yelling about demons. (We even learned in DAI that the Veil itself creates demons because it restricts the passage of spirits, come on.) Because three games have suggested it's not, not ultimately. Trespasser especially nuances this, just as it nuances Solasâs view of this current world state. Right after his long nap he would have nuked it all, Iâm sure, but the whole point of character arcs is that things happen in them and what happened to him is that he was shown layers and angles he had not considered and adjusted his mindset and ultimately his plan accordingly. That is where DAV should have picked it up. That's where the build up was headed. But, now he must serve the narrative solely as the God of Treachery and Lies which means that previous build up is washed away for the most part. (In no way do I think he is OOC in DAV, I just want to point that out so nobody thinks Iâm a sappy fangirl or whatever. I think he is perfectly in tune with his inner Dread Wolf, but that is also all he gets to be, because of the narrative, and Iâm always much more interested in when roles and personas clash.) Again. The main problem is that the narrative cannot explain why bringing down the Veil would be the worse option than the shit we see unfold on screen. Instead it gets a bit lost in the past. And I have Issues with that, as well. Like, the dumbing down of the war against the Evanuris. The war that started because the leaders of the rebellion - who previously had to carry out terrible orders so the Evanuris, the upper crust of the Elvhenan, could play gods - decided that the Evanuris was a threat to them all. And the game gives us what, a depiction of how the rebellion ended up crossing lines, too? No shit.
Like, I am fully on board with the individual theme of regret on Solasâs part and he ought to be wrecked with guilt but I wish the game could be less all over the place with what sort of things he ought to be wrecked with guilt over. Saying fuck you to the Evanuris is the best and brightest of his character, I suppose I just don't want it dragged down to the same level as him breaking the Titans. I suppose I would have wished for a narrative that also worked on a systemic level when depicting things like, you know, war and revolutions and subjugation. But we don't have that, because DAV is only about personal choices. The Lighthouse crew flippantly writing the hierarchical and violent power struggle off as being about love and betrayal is on my shitlist forever.Â
No, Taash et al, it was not about pussy, it was about feeling compelled by superiors to commit heinous war crimes and being lied to about the actual purposes of your damn war in the first place. The elves shouting at Elgarânan and Mythal in this painting arenât driven by love and sex they have been lied to by their ruling class. It was never about freedom or ending the wars, it was always about Elgarânan jerking off to ultimate godhood. The writing even suggests betrayal here is to be understood as Netflix drama betrayal, maybe some juicy porny plot but itâs ABOUT THE BETRAYAL OF THE ELVES BY THEIR OWN KIN. ((ETA: I would have wanted my Dalish mage to be allowed to be furious, NOT WITH SOLAS, but with the fucking Evanuris for betraying her people and being so fucking vile that the only option that remained was to create a world where she's a second-class citizen. I would have wanted the game to recognize that not all causes are equal and that Elgar'nan's cause for godhood was objectively more vile than Solas's cause for freedom because as it stands now, there are some really iffy vibes of "both sides are equally bad" and other things authorities tend to say when comparing destructive regimes with uprisings.)) Iâm sorry, this shit hits me on a personal and political rage level.Â
I also canât help but mourn a game where the Trickster God fulfilled his tropeâs duty and shook the stagnation apart with his actions - for good or ill, the way trickster gods are wont to do - and where Rook was tricked into helping and then, a more complex game about its consequences could have unfolded. The Evanuris could still have been the bad guys, if they wanted big villains frothing at the mouth. There could still have been numerous unplanned consequences, like all of Solas's plans have. Maybe other ancients awake as well. Maybe ancient evils who arenât elves, who knows. Point is - the Veil should have come down, at least in some form, at least in some outcome. THAT is what they've been building up to. In this game that never was, Rook could be an actual interesting character where we could mold her as either accepting of this trickster role (which fits perfectly for a blank slate with no ties) or set to overturn it and enforce status quo, with some vanilla option in the middle. Maybe the Veil doesnât come down until the very end of the game, ancient magic takes time after all, maybe a lot has happened by then. But ultimately, Rookâs choice in the end should not have been about siding against Solas because heâs lying to you or because he did horrible things in the past or siding with him because you want him redeemed. The narrative should have provided those options either way. The narrative should have been brave enough to suggest that hey, maybe Solas isn't wrong at all - his methods maybe, but his goal, no. If they truly wanted mirrors between Rook and Solas, Rook should have tackled the issue of actively bringing down the Veil herself, not because it's a roses and sunshine-outcome but because it might very well be the lesser of two evils. Gods, that would have been interesting. It should have been a choice about what sort of world Rook and the Veilguard wants to see in the future. It should have been about the people, the world, not how angry Rook is that an ancient elf has tricked her.Â
That would have been the game I wanted to play. This story doesn't really give anything new to the world of Thedas, which a world without the Veil would have. It accomplishes closure for our favourite trickster god and bless them for that, but as for the plot and the world-building it ends on a meh because the narrative isn't about the people unless they're brought up as being endangered. This is why I can feel satisfaction regarding the thematic conclusion to certain character arcs, the trickster becomes the healer with the bloodiest hands, the wolf submits willingly to his trap and so on and so forth, and I can have fun with the characters and their arcs but also really mourn the game that was there, in subtext and build up over three previous games and in several tie-ins.
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So hereâs the thing about Logan, in the movies everyone treats him like heâs an animal (big shock), they treat him like heâs dangerous, like there is something inherently wrong with him.
But no one seems to care to acknowledge that what is âwrongâ with Logan probably isnât what they think it is. In the original X-men movies when the X-Men, despite them a) knowing Logan most likely is over a hundred years old b) literally being a place where mutants are supposed to live without being ashamed of themselves and c) acknowledging that in order to have the adimantium put in his bones he would have to been experimented on and d) have a literal nuke on the team (Jean), still treat him like heâs this unmanageable person because heâs a little grumpy and kind of sassy (mind you also heâs only been in this mansion for like a few fucking days but they act like they already know)
And I really need you to understand something. Logan in the first three X-Men movies is an entirely different character from the comics, not just in the literal sense but in the sense that in the comics Logan is very much an old man in almost every sense of the word except for how he looks. The movies really downplay his age and his troubles, barring a few scenes. So Logan in the X-Men movies is a lot younger in spirit than his comic book counterpart. Which isnât a problem but itâs kind of weird especially when the characters are treating Movie Logan the way they might treat Comic Logan. And honestly I gotta say that Comic Logan wouldnât stand for even half the disrespect that the Movie X-Men throw his way đ
âYes you have been horribly experimented on and have lived longer than anyone in this room and god I canât imagine what untold horrors you have experienced.â
And then in the next scene Logan is being talked to like a fucking child or being called an ANIMAL and BOYđ like what do you mean no one was like âUm actually Hank heâs like over 100 years oldâŠâ
Like, even in the cartoons I have a better time believing that Logan is a little more tired and grizzled than early 2000s X-men Movies Logan and this isnât a diss about the movies but an interrogation (more or less) of how the characters treat him. Because they treat him like another kid and itâs fucking insane to me.
But regardless no matter which versions of then man, Logan out of anyone in that damn mansion deserved to be give some kind of empathy not just for his horrible unknowable past but also for the fact that a majory of his behaviors doesnât just come out of nowhere and CHARLES FUCKING XAVIER should have known this!!! đ and yes they do extend him a lot of grace but I also feel like theyâre very condescending towards him which kind of defeats that.
And like i have this HC that his standoffish attitude is a kind of version of his healing factor. Like to some extent I believe that the characterâs attitude can partially be attributed to his healing factor in the sense that itâs meant to ward off potential threats (emotional or physical). But no one else in the damn mansion seems even the least bit curious about any components of Loganâs mutation are just like âGuy with bad attitude, claw and incredible healing factor.â And I know it would have been ridiculous for Logan to just tell them what his mutation was but I wish there was a scene where (at the very fucking least) CHARLES of all people was like âOh no, thereâs more to him than meets the eye.â And even if they never fucking elaborated on that at there would have been some indication that that man didnât just see him and bad attitude with a tragic backstory đđđ
#logan howlett#james logan howlett#wolverine#xmen#x men movies#I have a lot more to say but itâs just gonna be me repeating my point đ
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âhow the writers delt with river song
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.
like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life
a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being
even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS
also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.
like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo
also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)
#tldr river song is a character i love very much however she had the grave misfortune of being written in the mid 2010s by steven moffat#anyways. sorry yikes this got long im so sorry i dindt realise i had this much to say. wow#doctor who#thanks for the ask!!#this is not. very flattering of elevens era if are are emotionally attached to him you may want to skip this one <3#jordan tag :D#river song
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Oops my hand slipped đ€·đŒ
~~~
Tongue // @rosekillermicrofic // 1126 words // Mildly nsfw?
âShit, burnt my tongue.â
âKarmaâs a bi â Wait, what the FUCK?â
Evan looks up, curious. Heâs slouched on the couch, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. Regulus was making a cup of tea in the conjoined kitchen when Barty barreled into his personal space to grab a drink, only for him to steal Regulusâ fresh mug straight from his hands. This isnât the source of the commotion, though - they have been flatmates for a year already, and theyâre all pretty used to Barty being a brat. No, this was something else.
As Evan looks up, he sees Regulus take a hold of Bartys jaw and glare into his mouth, looking alarmed. Bartyâs face splits into a smug grin.
âSee something you like, Reggie?â he teases.
âWhat the fuck did you do?!â Regulus frowns.
Evan strolls over, curious what Regulus is on about. Just as heâs about to ask, Bartyâs tongue flicks out and drags lazily across his teeth.
Evan stops dead in his tracks.
The thing is: Barty affects Evan in a way that Evan canât quite shake. It started out small, just a soft tingle, really, but as time went on, it mutated into something really rather distracting. If Evan had less pride, he might have called it a crush. However, Evan isnât a little bitch, and he doesnât âcrushâ. Absolutely fucking not.
As such, Evan spent most of summer break trying to shake the whole thing off. Surely, it was nothing but a passing infatuation, and it made sense, really. Barty is reckless, intense and a bit fucked up, just like Evan, after all. Barty is fascinating, too, with his tattoos and piercings, his dark, buzzed hair speckled with green dye, his sharp features, lean muscles, ripped jeans, chains and rings. They became best friends in a matter of weeks, and who hasnât played with the thought of banging their best friend?
But it doesnât feel like play anymore, and Evan is sick of it. Itâs BARTY. Evan knows better than to shit where he eats.
Evanâs body, though, has not received that particular memo. Apparently, two months apart didnât help. Actually, it might have made the whole ordeal worse.
Because when Barty lets his tongue play across his teeth, itâs an absolute marvel. Even before summer, the idea of Bartyâs tongue left Evan hot and bothered.
But now, it looks absolutely otherworldly.
A split runs down the middle of Bartyâs tongue, dividing it into two pink and wet tips that move like two separate creatures. Barty spreads them apart before coiling them together, letting the two tips play with each other. Itâs enrapturing, watching the muscles curl and dance. Evan canât help but imagine how it would feel - letting Bartyâs split tongue play in his mouth, on his neck, his chest, sliding across his hardâŠ
His body is reacting entirely without his permission.
This is a problem.
âI got it done this summer,â Barty explains to Regulus. âThe healing was a bitch, but it gave me a perfect excuse not to talk to my father for two entire weeks, so it was a matter of self preservation, really. Also, Iâve wanted a split tongue for years, it looks fucking sick.â
Barty grins, while Regulus looks torn between fascination and horror.
âI didnât even know that was a thing you could do, split your tongue,â he mutters, shaking his head.
âYour keep astounding me, Junior.â
Regulus dodges him as Barty threatens to pour hot tea on him, knowing full well Barty despises the nickname. Regulus in turn flicks him off and turns back to make another cup. Thatâs when Barty turns to Evan, still grinning, dual tongue tips darting along his teeth.
Evanâs jaw is clenched. His eyes are dark and fixed intently on Bartyâs mouth. His expression is intense, almost⊠hungry.
Barty stops for a second, taken aback. Then something new flashes across his face.
Regulus glances at them, before quickly heading for his bedroom.
âWell, as much as Iâd love to learn more about your latest bodily mutilations, Junior, Iâm in the middle of preparing for my classes, soâŠâ
The two boys barely notice as Regulusâ bedroom door closes.
Bartyâs grin slowly morphs into a sly smirk, with the tips of his split tongue still caught between his teeth and a teasing glint in his eye.
âCat got your tongue, Rosier?â
Evan should shake himself out of it, he really should. When he pulls his gaze up to meet Bartyâs, though, thereâs something in the other manâs expression, something wild and tempting, and as heat rises in his veins, all his rationality promptly evaporates.
âYou better stop flashing that monstrosity around, Barty, I swear to godâŠâ he mutters through gritted teeth.
Evan could just be in a bad mood, Barty thinks to himself. You never really know with Evan, he gets the exact same look when heâs about to beat the living daylight out of someone, too. But maybe, maybe that intense look on Evanâs face means something else. MaybeâŠ
He knows it might be a terrible idea to push Evan right now.
However, Barty is a sucker for terrible ideas.
âNow that itâs finally healed, there are so many things I want to try, though,â he trills. âSo many things to lick. Split tongues are supposedly amazing for giving oral, you know.â He lets his two tongue tips run across his lips, his eyes sparkling tauntingly.
âShut up,â Evan grumbles threateningly.
âWhat, did you become a prude over the summer, Rosier? Canât even talk about blowjobs anymore?â
âBartyââ
âWhat about snogging? âCause I canât wait to test my new tongue against someone elseâs. Wonder how it feels, what I could doâŠâ
âThatâs enough,â Evan snarls, and something snaps. He surges forwards, pushing Barty so hard he stumbles backwards. For a brief second, Barty thinks Evan is going to turn around and leave, but then Evan steps forwards again, pressing his body against Bartyâs, pushing him further back, faces inches apart.
Bartyâs back slams against the wall a second before Evanâs mouth slams against his. Without hesitation, Bartyâs lips open, welcoming Evan greedily.
And oh. Bartyâs tongue is everything Evan imagined and more. So much more.
Thereâs nothing soft or sweet about this kiss. Itâs dirty. Downright filthy. Wet, burning and furious. Barty slides his split tongue into Evanâs warm mouth, and itâs like eating fire. He twists and curls around Evan, the two tips caressing Evanâs tongue, and Evan swears he can feel every lick like flames across his entire body. His tongue runs along Bartyâs split before it flicks between the two tips, creating entirely new sensations in Bartyâs mouth, spine, skin, fingertips. It feels as though all Bartyâs nerves have doubled.
And oh, kissing Evan is good. Itâs so. Fucking. Good.
My headcanon is that Barty, that pierced and tatted little sadomasochist, has a split tongue. And he really, realllllly pulls it off. And Evan really, realllllly likes it.
#this is my first fic ever yâall#which is somewhat embarrassing but regardless#& itâs technically too long to be a microfic I think#IâM NEW HERE OKAY#aaaaaanyway#this might be part 1 of something#might upload it to ao3 when Iâve written the rest#marauders#rosekiller#fanfic#rosekiller microfic#rosekiller fanfic#marauders fanfiction#barty x evan#barty crouch x evan rosier#evan rosier x barty crouch jr#evan x barty#dead gay wizards from the 70s
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Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#remy bonnaire#Arno#through a series of unfortunate events I will be posting this after the update will be out so my timing will be more so:#âAlternate take on how that scene played outâ Rather than my funnier âMy prediction for how it will go downâ#I truly think Remy would rather admit to crimes he didn't commit than confess he has a thing for men.#It would be funny! It would be so funny if this is how Jamis found out. Alas...Not yet...Not yet...#I do love the idea that Jamis completely overlooked the all the elder god horror to get right down to the question of 'HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM'#Remy knows him. Knows him carnally. Wouldn't you like to also know your captain better? In spirit and body and mind?#Jealousy looks good on Jamis. Now he just has to do something about it.#Poor Remy though...He love Jamis so much he'd do anything to prevent losing him.#Which entails never giving Jamis a chance of rejecting or accepting his feelings!#Meanwhile...Jamis is a bisexual disaster man who is at his *limit*.#(For the MDZS fans looking at this Tigers comic who still have no context:#This is like Lan Xichen finding out Jin Guangyao hooked up with Nie Mingjue after LXC spent all that time thinking JGY was straight.#Better yet. This is like WWX just starting to realize his crush on LWJ and then finding out he and JC hooked up in the time skip.#'Nice to know you're into men but why did I have to find out like this' moment.)#((Yes I am trying to bridge the gap between the fandoms I am in. Yes I am still on my propaganda train. Choo Choo!!!))
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nightmare viewing the murder time three as little toys but more in like a little spoiled kid kinda way. because it would be funny and if you take into the account that he was like 6 before getting corrupted and do some mental loopholes it would be even funnier. like these are his dolls (killer dust and horror) and this is their barbie dreamhouse (his castle). they all have to stay in one room because nightmare needs to keep his toys in a toy box. the toys only ever come out when he wants to play but oh damn it they keep on breaking out!! silly toys,,, and then he locks them into the room again.
nightmare serves them food with plastic tea cups and plastic plates and there is no food. there is no tea. they have to imagine the food because dolls can't literally eat. there are food containers and stuff in the house but its all just a bunch of empty boxes. horror starts tweaking out after he scavenges the kitchen and finds a cereal box and milk carton that have NOTHING in it (why keep empty boxes?????)
they have to go where he wants them to go. nightmare gets to dress them up in whatever he wants because theyre his dolls they can wear anything he wants. it gets incredibly embarrassing when the trio is forced to wear pink pretty dresses and fight like that. or they have to go around the castle doing stupid fucking roleplays and it gets weird because theyre being forced to reenact a bullying scene and nightmare's giving them the death stare if they don't get it right (is this projection. this must be some form of coping mechanism dust theorizes)
and then you know nightmare's not exactly the best toy owner so he loses a few of his dolls here and there. maybe they get destroyed when he was playing a bit too rough with them! (killer dies in battle for like the 29th time) but its okay because he can just go back on down to the store (something new) and buy. wait no. steal another doll and then put it back in his dreamhouse and BOOM he has a full set again!! so sweet so cute. his dolls don't have consciousness what are you talking about theyre begging to be let go?? that's all just your imagination. what do you mean you're asking about the several slowly dying bodies with removed arms or legs in his dungeon. oh that's just where the broken but not yet destroyed toys go dw theyre fine its humane
#toy story but evil#imagine nightmare dresses the trio up in dreamtale esque clothes and then forces them to pretend to be his parents#because the stupid shit grew up parentless and now that he has dolls he can just roleplay that now#or he could just make the trio roleplay as a family. one parent two children. huh i wonder where i've heard this before#he's still like totally smart with all the multiversal plans and conquering and manipulation and all that#just that he's still got a bit of childish charm in him yk.đ„șđ„șđ„ș he's sweet and cute đ„șđ„șđ„șđ„ș#killer says as he tries not to go insane from being stuck in a room with dust amd horror for weeks on end#nightmare has no sense of boundary for the trio because theyre just little toys for him#if he wants them to change clothes he strips them because dolls cant change by themselves#if he wants them to move a specific way he maneuvers them because dolls cant movs on their own#nightmare's messing around and has all his dolls in the splits because who hasnt done that#dust and horror are in so much pain. killer just feels humiliated#these are GROWN MEN you are objectifying here nightmare. LITERALLY objectifying. but irs okay its funny#dadmare but instead of nightmare being the dad he's the kid. while also simultaneously having all the power#this would go for a sick ass plotline if someone made a fic for it#it aint gonna be me đ€Łđ€Ł but like.... trio has to convince nightmare to stop treating them like goddamn dolls#and nightmare has to change his stupid little kiddy mentality while also they all have to just get on better terms in general#so stupidn so dumb. would the mtt hate eachother during all this. quite possibly#three crazy freaks trapped in one room for unknown amounts of time. homoerotic arguments must have occured#they must know stuff about eachother that they don't wanna know. they all know what they look like naked#nightmare is the leading cause of mtt deaths because he just doesn't know how to properly handle his toys#oops he says as he accidentally breaks horror's neck and dust and killer watch on. guess its time to get a new one!#and he gleefully skips off to horrortale while dust and killer are left with the dusting beheaded body. what a fun time#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#tricule rant
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-đ
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical âboyâ clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Actually it really fucking frustrates me as a disabled person how âcontroversialâ video game accessibility is, how contrived it is to find actually useful accessibility mods for even popular games, how abled gamers try to distance themselves from us because weâre the ones without social lives, who donât leave the house, who canât work.
#ra speaks#personal#video games#accessibility#not to mention this is part of why elderly people would LOVE video games but the modern market is hostile to ANYONE who might need help#whether thatâs better designed controllers/easier remapping of controls#options for low vision/color blind players#or simply implementing easier difficulties#do you know how much it fucking sucks to love horror and gore and âadultâ material#while being relegated to fucking Nintendo kids games bc theyâre the only people#who makes games that are approachable and forgiving and MADE to be understood?#this isnât a stab at convoluted plots or even difficult bosses this is to say that a lot of adult games#donât have good game design when it comes to having accessible controls or âtutorialâ levels#like thatâs the bare fucking minimum and jfc is it rare to find a#âskill issue/git gudâ fun fact I do in fact kick ass in doom 64.#because itâs an older game with simple controls and plenty of accessibility mods#I suck at modern shooters bc they have shit tutorial levels too many buttons and terrible modding scenes#itâs not a matter of skill itâs a matter of accessibility for the purpose of improving that skill
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Wasnât it enough that Eden violated Dolphâs autonomy by making him a war machine? They just had to experiment with his reproductive system without even telling him?!
Is it obvious I got complicated feelings on mother/parent hood? Because I do lmao and Iâm shoving my feelings on to the depressed cyborg
donât read below if you donât want to see titty suckling
#captain laserhawk#dolph laserhawk#laserfrog#captain laserhen#Doodles#not safe for kids#tw mpreg#mpreg#pregnancy horror#not exactly but thatâs what this au is kinda about?#Scary enough how much people I know irl changed so much after giving birth#And wondering what my own mother was like as a person before she became my mam#So Dolph going through that as someone whose sense of self was already taken from him#Would be so interesting and sad (he has help though!)#The only solid idea I kinda have atm is Eden is pretty heavy on the eugenics nonsense#And so decided to mess with Dolph so not only he could get pregnant#But any kids he had would only get âgood genesâ since they wanted to ensure if dolph died theyâd have âback upsâ so to speak#But he was better off as a cyborg warrior so they never thought to use that âfunctionâ or even mention it to Dolph#Tw autonomy violation
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..đđ AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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