#the funniest thing that happened was when the movie ended. some dude in front of movie walked away

[adam-scott]

CLINT EASTWOOD as ‘Blondie’ The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

[sodasback]

Bet

JJ Maybank x Reader

Reposting from my deleted account with minor edits.

Not my photo. All credit to original poster @pop-punk-maybank​ <3

"You wanna put some stakes on this, Maybank?" You asked, feeling especially cocky.

"You think you can beat me at beer pong?" JJ asked incredulously. You had to admit it was pretty arrogant of you to think you could beat JJ, aka beer pong king of OBX.

"Oh, I know I can babe." You doubled down. JJ smirked.

"Alright, what do I get when I win?" JJ asked confidently, putting his hands on the table and purposely flexing his muscles as he leaned forward.

"Whad'you want?"

JJ smiled. "After the game is over, you have to jump off the dock, into the marsh." You frowned. You were a little let down by the anti-climatic nature of his dare; it was unlike the blonde.

"I didn't bring a bathing suit." You quickly retorted, shaking your head, knowing that wasn't an option.

“Yeah, I know. You aren’t wearing a bra either.” JJ smiled devilishly. A chorus of “oohs” came from the group that was gradually gathering around. Your mouth dropped open a little.

You closed your mouth and glared at JJ for a second. “Bet.” You said and gasps of disbelief and giggles left the small crowd. Even JJ raised his eyebrows, a little surprised at your answer, but he regained his confident front quickly. “And if I win, you have to show me the video Pope took of you from last weekend.”

JJ immediately dropped his smirk. Pope and John B shared glances, obviously knowing what JJ says/does in the video. “Yeah, that’s not happening.” JJ said looking away.

“Only if you lose.” You reminded him and JJ looked up at you. “What? Is JJ Maybank scared to lose at beer pong to a chick?” You challenged.

Laughs and more “oohs” came from the small group of party-goers. 

JJ looked at you for a minute. “Fuck it. Fine. Let’s do it.”

The game got set up.

“Last chance to back out, Y/L/N. You ready?” 

“I’m always ready for your JJ.” You teased. He shook his head, knowing the tactic of trying to distract him with flirting all too well. You looked at each other in the eyes and took the first shot at the same time to see who would go first. Your ball bounced off the rim of the solo cup and of course, JJ’s sunk in one. You took a breath in and JJ smiled and cocked his head at you. 

“Get used to passing those back to me, Y/N/N, because you’re not gonna keep them at all tonight.”

“Yeah, keep talking shit, JJ. We know this is the only way you’re scoring tonight.”

JJ’s first shot of course went right in. “Drink up, babe”

You smiled and grabbed the first cup, downing it easily. “How’s losing taste?” He asked, getting cockier by the second.

“Just shoot your shot.”

He does and sinks another one, shit-eating grin only growing more. “Balls back.” He smirked. You glared for the umpteenth time that night, but matched his smirk as you rolled the balls back and downed another cup. 

“You regretting this bet now?” JJ asked as he sunk another one. 

“There’s a lot of game left, Maybank.” You continued feigning confidence. 

Finally, JJ misses one. “Fuck” JJ whispers under his breath. “Alright, Y/L/N, let’s see what you got.”

You shot and made it, grinning at JJ. “Okay, okay. it’s just one.” JJ says and gulps down the first drink. You sink another one. “Balls back.” You smile.

You waste no time sinking the 3rd one. “Getting nervous, J?” You ask. But before he can answer, you’re missing your 4th shot, “Not really.” JJ replies cooly. 

The game went on and of course... JJ won.

“Never shoulda bet against me, Y/L/N.” JJ gloated smugly. “I definitely should have raised the stakes though, because jumping into the marsh with your clothes on isn’t really that satisfying for me.”

“Who said I was gonna keep my clothes on?” You asked seductively as you shimmied out of your denim shorts, but leaving your cheeky underwear on. JJ gaped at you for a second before regaining composure and smirking at you. You turned your back to him and took your top off before swan diving off the dock. 

“Fuck that’s cold!” You yelled when you resurfaced and approached the ladder to get back on the dock. JJ had a towel ready for you, but when you went to grab it, JJ pulled it back, just out of reach with that shit-eating grin on his face. You shot daggers at him with your eyes.

“First, say: ‘JJ is the sexiest, funniest, smartest guy I know and I was completely wrong for thinking I could beat him at anything.” 

If looks could kill, JJ Maybank would be one dead pogue from the scowl you were giving him.

“Fuck that. JJ, give me the fucking towel.” You said reaching for it again and not realizing your bare chest was coming out of the water. JJ smirked down at you and licked his lips, before you threw your arm over your chest to cover your boobs. He chuckled to himself, “The water really is cold, huh?” he teased, 

“JJ.” You said sternly.

“You gotta say it.” 

You inhaled deeply, “JJ’s the sexiest, funniest guy and I was wrong for thinking I could beat him.” You muttered and slurred quickly under your breath.

“What was that Y/N/N? I didn’t hear you.”

“Fuck you ...JJ is the sexiest, funniest, smartest guy I know and I was wrong-”

“Completely!” JJ clarified.

“-completely wrong for thinking I could beat him. Now give me the fucking towel, Maybank.”

JJ held the towel out, unfolded so it completely covered the view of you climbing the ladder so no one could see you, but he didn’t turn away, instead he kept eye contact with you even as you struggled to cover your boobs while climbing up the ladder. Once you emerged, he wrapped the towel around you and smiled. You held the towel around you as you kept eye contact with JJ a little longer than usual. You looked away first and cleared your throat. Getting nervous, you stuck your hand out for a handshake. “Good game, Maybank.”

“Good game, Y/L/N.” He said sweetly. And with his guard down, you easily pushed him off the dock and into the water. You laughed as did a lot of the party who witnessed it. 

JJ surfaced, “Oh you are so dead, Y/N! You know that right?” JJ said dangerously as he quickly paddled over to the ladder and you started to retreat.

-

You and JJ ended up in a tickle/wrestling match, after he chased you. And as the party continued, JJ only seemed to cling to you more. You couldn’t help but think that maybe the relationship between you two was more than just shameless flirting, that maybe it could be something more. JJ let you borrow some of his clothes after you both ended up in the marsh, so you could be warm and comfy. You were in his lap with is arms around your waist, sitting around the fire, when your brother texted that he was on his way to pick you up. 

“Time to go?” JJ whispered to you, resting his chin on your shoulder as he read the text on your phone. 

“Yep, it’s that time.” You sighed and leaned into him for just a second before standing up. JJ followed you away from the fire. “So I’ll see you tomorrow night at the movie thing? I’ll bring back your hoodie all washed.”

“Oh no, don’t worry about it. Looks better on you anyway.” JJ smiled as he brought a hand up to your cheek and ran his thumb along your jaw. You couldn’t suppress the butterflies swarming your stomach. You both looked down at the other’s lips when a horn honked loudly. 

Both of your heads snapped in that direction and JJ’s hand immediately fell from your cheek. “Y/N let’s go!” Your brother yelled from his truck

 Now, Jj was the one who cleared his throat awkwardly, “Okay, so yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You laughed at the awkwardness of the situation, “Bye” 

JJ bit his lip, shoving his hands in his pockets and smiling before turning back to the party.

You walked over to your brother’s truck. “I’m just gonna go inside and go to the bathroom real quick.” 

This earned an eye roll from your brother.

When you walked out of the bathroom and out of the Chateau, you saw JJ grabbing a drink from the cooler ...and he wasn’t alone. Your heart sank as you saw him handing a girl you’d never seen before a drink, both smiling and laughing before JJ followed the girl and sat next to her around the fire. 

Maybe it was all in your head. Would JJ Maybank actually be more interested in you than just a friend he flirted with? He did flirt with everyone after all. You just thought maybe it was different with you. Did it really only take 5 minutes for him to move on to the next girl? 

“Hey, you okay?” A voice asked, pulling you out of your heartbreaking thought spiral. It was Pope. He was headed inside to get some water. Pope followed your gaze to where JJ and the girl were, the tears in your eyes threatening to slip out.

“What?” You asked after not really processing what he said as you finally broke your gaze off JJ and looked at Pope who gave you a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, I’m fine!” You said wiping your eyes. “My brother’s waiting to take me home, so I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow?” You sniffled. 

Pope smiled sweetly, “Yeah, see you then Y/N.”

You got into your brother’s truck and he started driving back to your house when you got a text from Pope. 

Pope: I know you lost, but I’m gonna show it to you anyway.

Then another text came through, this one was a video. The video of JJ from last weekend.

In the video, all 3 boys were out in the hammocks, visibly drunk, or high ...or both. JJ being the worst of the 3.

Pope was holding the phone. “So JJ, your turn: who’s the one girl on the island for you?”

JJ scoffed drunkenly and it was clear that he didn’t know Pope was filming: “Bro, obvusly it’s Y/N/N dude. Y/F/N fucking Y/L/N. I’d simp so hard for that girl. ...I just want to buy her flowers. I think she likes peenie...ponies...pennies ..whas it called?” 

“You mean peonies?” Pope clarified. John B looked at Pope and realized he was filming and gave Pope a knowing smile. 

“Yeah those. Penonies, pen- whatever. I just want to treat her like a princess. Like sleeping beauty ...Y/N loves taking naps. Or Belle... she reads a lot n stuff ...or ooh Ariel, that’s the one. She’s just like Ariel ...like a mermaid.”

“Y/N has y/h/c hair” Pope stated but JJ ignored this.

“Yeah anything else, J?” John B asked wanting JJ to continue.

“I dunno dude. I just want to brush her hair n feed her grapes.”

John B and Pope couldn’t help but laugh, “Feed her grapes?” John B asked laughing.

“Yeah, dud-” and with that JJ finally turned and realized Pope was filming, “Arr you fucking recording this?!” JJ asked starting to reach over and wrestle with Pope. 

“Oh my god. I cannot wait to show this to Y/N.” Pope laughed.

There was more wrestling between JJ and Pope before the video stopped. 

You smiled down at your phone. “Thanks Pope <3″ you replied back.

Taglist: @railmerafe @moniamaybank  @hernameisnoell @moonrisebeach @october-cameron @abbyj1822 

[hezuart]

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

:3

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

~

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

[parkersharthook]

Some Very Specific Hypotheticals

(Tom Holland x female!reader)

warnings: it’s thirst tweets so it’s slightly smutty and risque

1.5k+ words

a/n: so I got all of the thirsty tweets towards tom from jordan fisher’s video (x) and all of the thirsty tweets towards the reader from tana mongeau’s video (x). I did make up a few of my own lol but most of them come from those videos

Edit: I recognize tana is problematic and I only used her in one of the tweets bc I had originally gotten these thrist tweets from her video. I don’t actually watch/like her so I was unaware of her issues until recently when she came up in the news (I still don’t really know what the whole situation was tbh) anyways.... I changed tana mongeau to anna kendrick bc i have a crush on her lol

requested: Could you please write a Tom Holland x reader reading thirst tweets

“Hey guys I’m y/n/ y/l/n.”

“And I’m Tom Holland.”

“And today for some reason the two of us, who are in a couple, will be reading the other person’s thirst tweets to them.”

“it’s like some weird version of foreplay.”

“I’m excited.”

--

You sat in the chair, facing Tom. The two of you had matching blue jugs with little slips of paper full of what you assumed was raunchy girls, and probably guys, thirsting after the two of you.

“Which one of us is going first?” Tom asked as he fiddled with the bucket.

“Oh definitely me.” You pulled out a slip and smoothed it out, “it says in all caps by the way, ‘DAMN DADDY U SEXY CAN I EAT UR ASS?!?! LICK YA BUTT??!!?!” You barely got the full tweet out before you were laughing.

Tom had already turned a shade of pink and was rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. He stuttered slightly, “wow what a way to start this whole thing. Okay, my turn.” He pulled out the next slip, “y/n y/l/n is literally the most beautiful human ever. Goodbye.”

“aww wait that was so sweet. Thank you.”

“Why was mine about eating my ass and yours was saying you were the most beautiful person ever?”

You laughed slightly and shrugged, “look, everyone is just speaking their truth. My turn!” You happily grabbed the next piece of paper, “haha it’s literally just a screenshot of your age with the words ‘thank god’. If that is not the biggest mood ever…”

Tom laughed heavily. “yeah I had someone tweet me saying ‘I saw a lot of people looking up Tom Holland’s age during the movie.’ Guess it’s a recurring theme.” He fingered through the bucket before grabbing a crumpled sheet, “I want y/n y/l/n to murder my bussy.”

You threw your head back in laughter, “I get that one a lot actually. A classic, really.”

Tom looked around sheepishly, blushing hard. “what’s a bussy?”

You snickered slightly, “it’s a butthole tom. You need to educate yourself. Next one! I love how everyone in the world can agree that tom Holland is hot af and daddy material, even the lesbians.”

“okay that one is definitely the forerunner, that’s a good one.”

You looked back down at the paper with a smile, “that is a good one.”

“’Repeat after me: y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny’. And it says that like 16 more times.” Tom shrugged slightly, “I mean… I can’t exactly disagree.”

“Tom!” You cried slightly exasperated as you blushed. “I’m moving on now… ‘Tom Holland’s lil ass is hella fine’.”

“What? My ass is not little.”

You laughed, “relax they said it was and I quote ‘hella fine’. That’s a compliment.”

Tom grumbled slightly as he grabbed the next tweet, “I want to have a threesome with y/n y/l/n. but no tom Holland. It’s just her, me, and a blunt.” He threw the paper down with a little angry frown, “so first they call my ass little and then they steal you for a threesome? Rude.”

You bit your lip with a small chuckle, “if it makes you feel better, it’s not really a threesome thinking that one member is literally a blunt.”

“can we move on before I get jealous?”

“of a random twitter user and weed? Yeah okay sweetie.” You rolled your eyes heavily, eyeing the paper. Tom watched as your eyes grew wide and then a shit eating grin cracked your lips.

“oh… what is it?”

“this tweet is very specific.” You smiled as you met his eye and began reading it, “look how fine this man is i want him to fuck me on a bed of money and finger me with a $100 bill wrapped around his fingers and then stuff ten thousand $100 bills inside me so he can call me his million dollar pussy.”

“oh… my… god.” Tom said slowly, a deep blush rising on his cheeks. “that- that one was a lot to take in.”

You waved the paper in the yes, “yes. Just… yes. This one cleared my skin, watered my crops. Amazing, perfect.”

“shut up, you’re so annoying sometimes.” He stated as he rolled his eyes.

You poked your tongue out at him teasingly, “you love me.”

“unfortunately.” You scoffed as Tom leaned over and patted your knee lovingly. “you know I’m kidding baby.”

“whatever just read the next damn tweet.”

Tom laughed and pulled out the next one, “I would pay any amount of money for y/n y/l/n to spit in my face and call me an ugly fucking bitch. It would be my honor.”

Your mouth fell open in shock as you looked between Tom, your friends behind the camera, and the crew. Well, that threw you for a loop.

“I- I… don’t know what to say to that. I don’t think I’m comfortable spitting in your face, that seems mean. But… I’m not here to kink shame so thank you I guess.”

There were a few snorts behind the camera as you picked the next one, “Tom Holland is both cute and sexy at the time and it’s really messing with my sanity.”

Tom smirked at the camera and flipped his collar, “I mean what can I say?”

“it’s a point of contention in our household for sure.”

“That I’m sexy and cute?”

You shook your head, “no, that you think your sexy and cute. It’s cocky and rude.”

Tom laughed, “it’s cocky and rude to be confident?”

You turned to the camera, “see? Point of contention.”

“I just think that you’re losing your sanity over my cuteness and sexiness.”

You shrugged obnoxiously, “oh you caught me.” You pointed to his bucket, “please keep going.”

“Okay but imagine: a y/n y/l/n Anna Kendrick sex scene. I mean the power and sexuality they hold is absurd.”

You slapped your hand on your knee, “I love Anna. She’s so funny and I would love to do a sex scene with her or just sex her really.”

“seriously?” tom said exasperated, “you’re sitting here in front of your boyfriend and you’re saying that you want to have sex with someone else?”

You nodded, “yes.”

“dude.”

“relax, it’s not actually going to happen, it’s just hypothetical.”

“you wound me.”

“here, let me boost your ego with a thirst tweet. Tom Holland is fine as hell, I’d eat that ass like a chocolate croissant, chomp chomp bitch. He could choke and kill me and I’d only ask for more. Lemme chomp chomp on that bussy please.”

“wow… I’m not sure that cheered me up exactly but thank you none the less.” He pulled a new slip, “At least 3 times a week me and my boyfriend talk about wanting to have a threesome with y/n y/l/n.”

“wow…”

“why is everyone trying to have sex with my girlfriend?”

“because I’m hot as fuck.”

“can’t argue with that.”

“Alright next one, Tom Holland with that half smile and lip bite fuuuuuckk nope nope nope.”

“okay, that one made me feel better.” Tom said with a little smirk causing you to roll your eyes and laugh.

Tom grabbed the next one, “y/n y/l/n has the best boobs. That’s it that’s the tweet.” He waved the paper a bit, “I happen to agree with you.”

“well thank you for thinking my boobs are great.” You plucked out a new tweet, “Daily reminder: tom Holland is daddy af.”

“I should set an alarm for myself that goes off at the same time every day that just blares ‘Tom Holland is daddy af’.”

“absolutely not. Veto. Nix. Not happening.”

“you’re just mad they think I’m daddy.” You gestured to the bucket, causing tom to roll his eyes and reach into it. “y/n y/l/n can choke me and run me over and I’d say thank you and sorry for the dent in your car.”

You let out a loud bark of laughter, “that’s super funny. Definitely the funniest one I’ve heard so far. Whoever wrote this, you’re funny and I appreciate your comical genius.”

“alright I think we have like one more each, let’s do this.”

“Tom Holland is either a smol puppy or a sex god, there is no in between.” You shook your head, “I actually think there is an in between. It’s called boyfriend Tom. It’s when he’s all cuddly but not quite as baby as smol puppy. Like he’s still a functioning adult but he’s being sweet.”

“ya know… sometimes you can be pretty sweet.”

“aww thanks babe.” You leaned forward to give him a little peck before smiling brightly, “last one! Make me blush!”

“Hey @y/n can I lick your forehead?” you two sat in silence for a moment before tom furrowed his brow, “is that like a sexual thing?”

“I guess…? That’s a new request though, I’ve never heard that one. Interesting.”

“what’s your answer?”

“huh?”

“can you lick their forehead?”

“I’m going to go with no…”

“and that’s the end of our really fun and definitely not at all awkward video!” tom said excitedly

“thanks for watching everyone! We love you and thanks for tweeting thirsty stuff!”

[365days365movies]

April 9, 2021: Some Like It Hot (1959) (Recap: Part Two)

I’m considering a historical post for Marilyn Monroe...

After all, the life and tragic death of Norma Jean Baker is interesting, and I enjoy educating myself about film history and its greatest figures and stars...but I dunno. This isn’t really a starring vehicle for her, and I’d be better off doing a Tony Curtis or Jack Lemmon retrospective. But...I’ll make that decision by the time I get to the Review. We’ll see, is what I’m saying. If anybody actually specifically wants me to make that as a post, let me know! Maybe I’ll do it regardless.

But OK, let’s get into the movie once more! I’m enjoying the shenanigans in this picture, so let’s see more of them! First part is right here!

Recap (2/2)

On the beach, the girls are all having a good time, “Daphne” included, when Sugar suddenly runs into a mysterious man wearing a stereotypical rich person sailing outfit. This is, of course, Joe, but he introduces himself as “Junior”, the heir to the Shell Oil company, and owner of a yacht. And yeah...Sugar’s fooled and Sugar’s hooked. She invites him to come to his show that night, and he says that he’ll try to come.

This is to Jerry’s frustration, as he immediately recognizes Joe (obviously), and tries to expose his trickery to Sugar by going back to their room to tell “Josephine” about the whole thing. But SOMEHOW, Joe’s able to sneak back in and jump into the bath, suit and tie on. Dude’s slick. Sugar leaves, and an irritated Joe gets ready to fight Jerry. But just then, the phone rings, and it’s that naughty boy Osgood (HIS WORDS NOT MINE), who invites “Daphne” onto his yacht after the show that night. Opportunity.

Joe hatches a plan, with the reluctant help of Jerry, who’ll keep Osgood occupied as Daphne. Meanwhile, he’ll sneak onto the yacht as Junior, and pass it off as his own yacht for Sugar’s benefit (and his own, obviously). With the plan in place, the performance goes on that night. And that GIF of Marilyn doing a shrug that I keep using? It comes from this song right here, which serves as Sugar’s leitmotif throughout the film. And...it’s Marilyn Monroe, and it’s also that DRESS, and it’s my teenage crush on Monroe coming back WITH A FUCKING VENGEANCE, and...it’s also a catchy song, not gonna lie. 

Using flowers given to “Daphne” by King Simp Osgood, and a pre-written note, he tells Sugar to meet him that night on the yacht. After the performance, both Sugar and Joe make their way to the docks, and Joe commanders Osgood’s motorboat to get to the yacht, posing with his fake-ass accent all the while. Seriously, either she’s rolling rocks on her Sense Motive checks, or he’s just throwing away natural 20s on Bluff checks. It’s ridiculous.

On the yacht, Joe bluffs some more (equally terribly), and notes that they’re alone on the boat. However, he claims that he’s both impotent and unable to fall in love, emotionally and physically. This is a result of psychological trauma from his Princeton girlfriend falling off of a cliff in the Grand Canyon, just as they were about to kiss for the first time. Jesus Christ, the fact that this is working so well is astonishing. Sugar tries to cure him through multiple kisses, and he responds with very little reaction, the clever devil. Which is particularly difficult as she basically attempts to seduce him. And it’s Marilyn Monroe, so...I mean come on.

Meanwhile, poor, POOR Jerry is forced to dance at a local Cuba dance hall with Osgood, who’s frustrated by “Daphne’s” constant attempts to lead. Nice touch there! The humorous interludes of their dancing interject Sugar and Junior’s make out sessions, which are VERY against the goddamn Hays Code. And eventually, Jerry actually seems to start enjoying his dance with Osgood, and they actually close the place down until morning! Huh. That leaves Osgood none the wiser, as they leave the yacht just as he’s arriving.

Joe goes back to their room, where Jerry’s still dancing the tango, and he has an announcement: he’s engaged! To Osgood! What? I mean, that’s a set-up for some SERIOUS trust issues down the line, but...huh! For 1959, that’s surprisingly progressive...sort of. Jerry’s SPECIFICALLY in this to marry a millionaire and get a quick divorce and alimony payments every month. Huh. I mean, it’s slimy, but at least he’s open-minded. Osgood even gave him a bracelet absolutely covered in diamonds.

Sugar comes in to tell “Josephine” and “Daphne” about her night with “Junior”, and everybody’s happy (I mean, not Jerry, but he’s OK). Shame if something happened, like the arrival of the mobsters trying to kill Joe and Jerry.

So, the mobsters trying to kill Joe and Jerry arrive, under the pretenses of being “Friends of Italian Opera”, and are in search of the two witnesses of the garage massacre. Detective Mulligan is also in search of them, and is in Florida alongside Spats and his men. The two narrowly escape them in an elevator, then immediately go to pack their shit and GO!

But Jerry doesn’t want to leave Osgood so unceremoniously, and Joe feels the same way about Sugar. Over the phone, he manages to get ahold of Sugar as “Junior”, and tells her that he must leave unexpectedly, and that he’s to marry an oil heiress in Venezuela. This crushes Sugar, understandably, but he also gives her Osgood’s diamond bracelet! Aw, poor Jerry.

Poor Sugar, too. As said previously, she’s crushed, and she goes to Josephine and Daphne’s room to get some bourbon. “Josephine” tells her that she’ll move on in time, but she replies that that’s impossible, given that there’s a Shell gas station on every corner. Fuckin’ OUCH. 

Things get even worse when the two leave their rooms via the window, only to be spotted by Spats and his men, and are this time recognized, due to Jerry leaving his gunshot bass on the porch where they can see it. They attempt once again to escape, changing costume to resemble a bellhop and an old man in a wheelchair, but get recognized and chased, until they wind up under a table in a banquet hall where the “Friends of Italian Opera” are meeting.

Led by Little Bonaparte (Nehemiah Persoff), the members are, of course, all members of the mafia. Bonaparte is greatly angered by the massacre, as Toothpick Charlie was a friend of his. Through a comically over-the-top mobster speech, he basically telegraphs that we wants Spats dead. And when they bring a big cake out to celebrate Spats’ birthday (which isn’t for another four months), a mobster springs out of the cake, and kills the entire Chicago mob assembled, all with Joe and Jerry still under the table in front of them.

After the deaths of the mobsters, Joe and Jerry take their chance to escape, while Mulligan comes in to investigate these deaths. Our musician duo manages once again to escape, performing a quick change act and turning back into Josephine and Daphne. They make a plan to escape via Osgood’s yacht (as the mobsters are watching the roads and airports), and Jerry makes the call. Joe then hears the siren call of Sugar, singing a lamenting song in the lounge with the band.

Watching over this sad song, Joe laments his actions, and makes his way down to the stage, still disguised as Josephine. And he just kisses her, right on stage. Which...fuck me, this movie takes place in 1929? THE SCANDAL!!! But that’s quickly diffused when Sugar AND the mobsters recognize Josephine (and Junior) as Joe, and Joe takes off in hot pursuit.

Both Josephine and Daphne manage to escape yet one more time, and make their way to the docks with Osgood. And chasing after them is Sugar, in love with Joe after all that, and the two come together in a loving embrace. Meanwhile, in the front of the boat, Osgood and Jerry have...well, the only thing I already knew from this movie, and arguably the most famous ending to a comedy film ever made. Go ahead and watch it, because I’d rather not spoil it.

That was...a very funny film! Is it the absolute funniest film ever made? I don’t think it is personally, but it’s definitely in my top 10! I’ll analyze Some Like It Hot more soon enough, in the Review! See you then!

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way.  Works in a multitude of ways.  

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also?  Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes.  It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes.  It is going to be agonizing.  

Anyway.  Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).  

Not fair, Angela.  Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider.  I hate those suckers.  So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.  

Okay.  Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie?  Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.  

What is this?  Tara Jr. The Walking Dead?  LOL.  Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house?  Anyway.  First three minutes of this episode?  Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season.  I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that.  Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.  

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol.  I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.  

More Carol and Aaron?  Yes, please.  I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up?  I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.  

Truly.  I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time.  It’s so long overdue.  

Bless sweet Kelly.  Riding off to her sister’s rescue.  

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans?  For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance.  I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats?  Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly. 

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling.  Don’t you hate that, lol?  

“You haven’t slept in days.”  But how many days, Virgil?  I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point.  What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up.  I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in.  For reasons.  

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.  

Alrighty, then.  She’s clearly got PTSD.  Understandable.  They’ve all had it.  Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.  

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.  

Okay though.  But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting?  AKA doctor’s  handwriting.  What then?  

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol.  It’s quiet a visceral thing.  No, that does not make me a horrible person.  Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid.  IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker.  Perfect makeover idea.  Eh.  Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.  

Anyway.  Why is it always the fingers?  Eff that.  

Listen.  If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes.  He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.  

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.  

“You do what you gotta do.”  Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie.  Impressive loyalty.  I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it.  Anywho.  My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.  

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be.  Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.  

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth.  It’s kind of distracting.  

Ohhh.  We’re back to the Haunted Mansion.  I mean house.  Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?  

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.  

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot.  Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol.  Not gonna lie though.  I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.  

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.  

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers.  But they are hella attractive, lol.  Listen.  Angela knows what she’s doing.  

Kelly’s horse is so pretty.  Prayer chain for that baby.  

More dead horses?  Why?  

Connie’s slingshot?  Sorry.  I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever.  Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.  

So.  Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner?  Did they kill it before the Walkers fed?  What monsters!  Yeah, no.  Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have.  The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down.  Sorry.  I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show.  I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.  

Days.  It’s only been days.  Not weeks.  So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in?  Those do not exist, lol.  They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything.  There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them.  You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader.  Kang, why you playing them like that?  Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones.  So many times my ass.  

Seriously.  Who been watching Connie and Virgil?  The MIA Oceansiders?  Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?  

Nice.  A Michonne mention.  Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.  

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.”  Me neither, girl.  I would be outta that house so fast.  

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode.  Honestly?  I’m kinda loving it.  

WTF was that?  I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone?  Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.  

Okay, okay.  To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed.  Maybe they’re desensitized.  

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!!  He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly.  And I mean no disrespect by saying that.  I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom.  But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen.  Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community.  He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.  

Awful thought.  The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to.  I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow.  When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know?  He’s going after Dog.  Or Carol should she finally join this story. 

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story.  Because they messing with her mans, lol.  

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.”  Now where have I heard those words before?  I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.  

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah?  Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver.  Oh look.  He finally has a name for me, lol.  

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.  

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters.  I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season?  Ugh.  The unfairness of the pretty.  

Human bones.  Terminus callback, lovelies.  How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.  

So many horror movie homages in this one.  

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”  

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll.  I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne.  He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie.  I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.  

Okay.  Does Carver want Leah for himself?  Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”  

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot.  Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO.  He cares about Leah as a human being probably.  He’s Daryl, after all.  The sweet one.  But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.  

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol.  I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.  

So.  These cannibal people were the watchers?  Hmm.  

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0.  Yeah.  Nobody’s surprised more than me.  

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie.  His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers.  Every day.”  

Damn.  How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?  

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.  

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry.  Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else.  Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa.  Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa.  Angela fucking knows.  Everybody does.  Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.  

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff.  So authentic and sweet.  Kelly and Connie are home to each other.  

Poor Frost.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  

WTF, though.  Was Mel just not available or what?  I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers.  Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it.  Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show.  Angela.  Please.  Fix this.  

One last WTF.  Seriously.  WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession?  It better be juicy after all this shit.  

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far.  The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise.  She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.  

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol.  I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately?  This was Kelly’s moment with her sister.  Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk.  And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.  

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group.  Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.  

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous.  I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for.  I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me.  I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.  

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work.  Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands.  Leah is just a means to his ultimate end.  She’s not his future.  She never was.  His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get  here soon enough.  But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.  

Oh goodie.  More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions.  Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.  

Until later, lovelies.  

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.  

[jeremy-88]

Villainess: Isekai and Harems Done Right

If you were to look at the anime industry as a whole, you'll probably find that two genres, above all, hold massive sway over the medium. The harem comedy, where the main protagonist is the centre of affection for everyone around them, and the Isekai (or person stuck in another world) genre, where our hero much contend with a new and often dangerous environment. The number of shows and movies centred around these two overall genres has been truly staggering, and I, as someone who was right there at the time anime started getting big here in the UK in the 90s, has seen more than his fair share of those works. But while I may have certain nostalgic fondness for particular titles, harem comedies like Tenchi Muyo or Isekai outings like Vision of Escaflowne, I can't deny that, for the most part, the genres simply haven't grabbed me. Oh, I'll enjoy a good fantasy adventure or comedy as much as the next guy, but suffice to say that few have ever managed to really grab or entertain me as much as I'd like them to. That is, until very recently, when I happened upon a title from earlier this year. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

The story of this one is that a young girl, having recently passed away, finds herself reincarnated into the world of one of her favourite video games. However, to her horror, she discovers that the character she's been reincarnated as is none other than the childhood version of the game's central antagonist, Catarina Claes. Realising that fate has nothing but either death or exile in store for her, our protagonist endeavours to do everything in her power to ensure that she avoids the terrible ending this character is meant to face. And so she goes about, forming positive relationships with those Catarina was supposed to have enmity and rivalry with, including the game's designated main character, Maria. The result of all of this is that, by the time the characters have all grown up and started the time period in which the game was properly set, all of them have become completely different people to the ones the protagonist remembers, and more than that, they've all gone from being potential romantic options and/or rivals for Maria, and instead all fallen in love for Catarina instead, with Maria herself most definitely included in that. So while she may have avoided her scripted doom, Catarina now has a whole mess of other problems to deal with as a consequence of her meddling in the events of the story.

So, as you can probably tell from that synopsis, Villainess is a combination of both Isekai and harem comedies, and as I said before, I've enjoyed it far more than most entries in either genre. There's probably a whole slew of reasons as to why this is, but one of the main points that really interested me was how it basically undermines a lot of the tropes that characterises both types of story. Isekai, for example, is often used as a power fantasy, to give the audience a feeling of escapism into a world where they're suddenly a hero or more capable than they otherwise would have been. Villainess does away with that in a big way. Because not only is Catarina not the hero of the story, or at least not the one the game wanted as a hero, but she's also pretty incompetent in most things she tries her hand at. Combat, magic, no matter what it is she just can't do well at any of it. So this is by no means a power fantasy where the main character is just completely OP and rises to every challenge. And like many a great comedy before it, haplessness certainly adds to the laughs you'll be getting, and trust me, there are more than a few.

And on the harem comedy side of things, Villainess buffs tradition by having the harem in question portrayed with nary an ounce of raunchiness to it. Anyone with even a passing familiarity with this particular genre will know that a lot of it functions as a quick and easy way to excite and entice its respective audiences. And their casts are women and men presented with impossibly stunning figures and abs as far as the eye can see to, again, fulfill the fantasies of those watching. Sexiness and risque imagery is the order of the day for most harem anime, so Villainess distinguishes itself quite a bit by being pretty much completely devoid of that sort of thing. Oh, the show is filled with beautiful ladies and handsome dudes, don't get me wrong, and I would not blame anyone for looking at any of the girls and guys in this one and falling for them, but not once will you ever find any of them shown in any kind of objectifying way that so many other harem characters tend to be. No beach or pool episodes to show off some skin, nobody unexpectedly walking in when someone is changing, none of it. This is, quite possibly, the least sexualised harem anime in history, and I adore it for that.

But like any truly great show, it's all for naught if your main character isn't a good one, and I'm happy to say that Villainess absolutely shines in this regard. While most isekai and harem shows will follow the trend of making their central figure something of a tabula rasa (or "blank slate") for the audience to project onto, Catarina has a very well-defined personality. She's optimistic, friendly, nice to everyone she meets, and she has absolutely zero sense of social grace when it comes to the high-class situation she's found herself in. And unlike, say, in other harem comedies where the central lead is so without personality that you can never understand why so many other characters fall for them, here you know exactly why. Catarina is, by far and a way, the nicest person any of these other men and women have ever known, and through her they've become better people than they would have otherwise been, and even if she's unable to really spot their feelings, she's too endearing for any of them to really be bothered by it. She's probably the best character in the entire cast, and that alone is noteworthy, as the number of anime I've seen where the main character was also my favourite could be counted on one hand and still leave me with fingers to spare.

Now, a harem comedy is, after all, a comedy, so while this praise I've been giving is all well and good, it all needs to be in service of entertaining us. And I'm happy to report that Villainess is very capable on that front. Now, these might not be the raucous, laugh-out-loud guffaws that you'd find is some of the more absurdist comedies in the medium, but there are still plenty of great laughs to be had. Catarina, being the aforementioned loveable doofus that she is, is the chief source of most of the humour in this story. As someone reincarnated from another world, she's completely at odds with the stuffy, reserved mannerisms that tend to be shown by aristocratic characters. She speaks her mind, she acts in ways that her peers would never think to act in a million years and she's so blunt and forward in what she does and what she wants that she's more akin to a typhoon, a disruptive and chaotic element introduced into this quiet and keep-it-to-yourself world. Now, acting out of step with those around you is a tried-and-true method of comedy, but damn if it doesn't work really well here. And of course, it certainly doesn't hurt that Catarina will have her occasional moments of amusing panic whenever she enters a situation that she think will lead to her character's scripted doom ending.

When it comes to anime as a whole, there are some things that just instantly click with me more than others. Humour, wholesomeness, niceness. These are the things I look out for and which I find the most enjoyment. Villainess covers all of these and more, and does it in such a way that it stands out as perhaps the best of its two primary genres that I've seen in some time. A harem where the romance, rivalry and attraction is all subtle and understated, and an isekai where the protagonists gets by not because of great power and skill but because of genuine kindness and a desire to be friends with those around her. Stakes might rise up in the latter half of the show, but on the whole this anime just ticks all of my personal boxes for an easygoing ride. Is it the funniest or the best-animated? No, nor do I think it's going to be winning any wards in that regard, especially with big comedies like Konosuba or animation giants like Tower of God to contend with. But if all you want is a nice and gentle twelve-episode anime, then look no further than this charming outing, headed by one of the most likeable anime leads I've seen in far too long a time 🥰

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Heavy Metal

Sometimes it’s fun to revisit old movies you watched when you were younger and find out, hey, this is better than you remembered! Sometimes your young mind just wasn’t ready to accept how awesome something was, and you needed time to fully understand what you look for and like about cinema to truly appreciate it. But then, sometimes, you watch something you liked when you were younger, and you realize… wow, this is absolute dog shit!

Such is the case with Heavy Metal. This is a movie I have frequently cited as a low-ranking entry on lists of the finest animated films of all time, and to be entirely fair to the film, it is important in a historical sense, being a cult classic that was passed around through bootlegs because music rights kept it from getting a home video release, and it came out around the dawn of the 80s and kind of destroyed what you would think an animated film was capable of. This film is full of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and it entirely, unabashedly unashamed of this, for better or for worse.

Now, while I do think the overall film is a bit lacking, it is an anthology film divided into segments, and there are some pretty good ones I will make note of; this is not a film with absolutely no merit. But before that, let me point out the one thing everyone can agree is amazing about this film: the soundtrack. You’ve got Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Stevie Nicks, Devo, Cheap Trick… if nothing else, the kickass soundtrack is worth a listen, though Blue Oyster Cult’s song inclusion irritates me to a great degree. The movie went with “Veteran of the Psychic Wars” for the soundtrack, despite the fact Blue Oyster Cult had a song ready to go that is literally about the final entry in the anthology, called “Vengeance (The Pact).” Why the people compiling the soundtrack made this choice baffles me; it reminds me of how they didn’t use “Jennifer’s Body” in, well, Jennifer’s Body, instead opting for a different Hole song from the same album.

But I digress. Let’s go one by one and touch on the segments:

The framing device is about an entity known as the Loc-Nar, who claims to be the sum of all evil, detailing to a little girl how it has influenced chaos and carnage across time and space. The thing is, though, the Loc-Nar doesn’t come out on top in any of the segments, and its schemes are often thwarted. So the entire movie is basically this supreme evil being detailing to a little girl how much it sucks ass at its one job.

The first segment is Harry Canyon, a story about the eponymous futuristic New York taxi driver. In some regards it reminds me of The Fifth Element, what with a scruffy, slummy, futuristic taxi driver trying to help a smoking hot babe find out the truth and all, but unlike that film, this short is a lot bleaker and gritty. You kinda know what you’re in for when Harry vaporizes a dude who tries to mug him, and if that’s not enough, the female lead of this short literally throws herslef at him, and yes, he gets to take a dive into her Harry Canyon – and you get to see it.

This is a running theme throughout these shorts – almost every female character has huge titties and is sexually promiscuous, throwing themselves at the first penis they see as if it was their job. It’s so incredibly juvenile and tacky as to be laughable, but I guess this comes with the territory considering the magazine this film adapted.

Anyway, the segment is harmless and unremarkable. It’s exactly what you’d expect from this sort of story, without much in the way of twists or turns.

The second segment, Den, is arguably the best segment in the entire film. We have a nerdy kid named Dan who gets transported across space and becomes the musclebound warrior with a huge cock known as Den. Every woman throws herself at him, every villain in his way gets pummeled, and no task is too impossible for this man! And did I mention that he is voiced by John Candy? Really, Candy’s comedic touch is what makes this entire thing feel fun and palatable; it’s a cheesy swords and sorcery romp through and through. Honestly, I don’t have much bad to say about this one, it’s just very silly fun.

Unfortunately we are back to being not great with Captain Sternn. Sternn, played by Eugene Levy (of The Wacky World of Mini Golf fame), is basically an intergalactic war criminal on trial, and when his paid witness Hanover Fiste (played by Rodger “Squidward Tentacles” Bumpass) comes up to the stand, the Loc-Nar influences him to the most evil act possible… betraying this war criminal in front of the judge and jury! GASP! I’m not sure what the Loc-Nar is really trying to do here; you’d think it would maybe want Sternn free to continue spreading wicked influence across the galaxy, but nah, it just makes Squidward hulk out and tries to kill him, only for the tables to be turned and Squidward to be dropped out an airlock, further cementing how utterly useless the Loc-Nar is.

Thankfully, once that’s over, we have yet another very strong segment, another contender for best in show: B-17. This is a genuinely creepy zombie short film, and the zombies are utterly horrifying and grotesque. This is regarded as the most nightmarish part of the film, and for good reason; this shit is certainly worthy of being called “heavy metal.” Honestly, there isn’t much bad to say about this one either, except perhaps that it is over far too soon.

Then we get to what is probably the worst segment: So Beautiful, So Dangerous. The entire segment is sort of meant to be a lighthearted comedic breather between The last segment and the final one, but it just comes off as combining every problem the movie has into one segment: the uselessness of the Loc-Nar, copious and ridiculous sex, drugs, and so on. Really all that’s missing from this is gratuitous violence, but hey, guess you can’t have everything all the time, right? It just comes off as really dull and pointless, and there’s not really anything particularly funny about anything that happens in it, unless of course you’re a thirteen year old who thinks “big boob woman having sex with robot while aliens snort cocaine” is the funniest shit on Earth.

Thankfully, we end on a strong note with Taarna, which is about a proud warrior woman dressed in horrifically impractical armor (and this actually effects the plot, I’m not kidding, somehow there was some self-awareness here) and a cool alien pteradactly flying off to fulfill a vengeful pact after the slaughter of a peaceful race by barbarians mutated by the Loc-Nar, in what may be the Loc-Nar’s sole impressive feat. Taarna is the ultimate hero, giving us the trifecta of qualities a heroine in this movie should have – boobs, butt, and bush... Er, I mean, sword, cool mount, and ass-kicking prowess. This one is not quite as good as “Den” or “B-17,” but I still think it’s a solid finale that has enough action and awesome music to make up for its tackier elements.

The movie ends with Taarna’s defeat of the Loc-Nar echoing through time and killing it which… makes absolutely zero sense, but whatever, the Loc-Nar is an absolutely atrocious villain and perhaps one of the most useless in cinematic history, he gets a 1/10 on Psycho Analysis. Then the girl gets her own kickass space dragon thing and becoming the new Taarna or something and, honestly, it’s the exact  sort of batshit ending you should expect from the film.

So, is this really an awful film? In some places, no. It’s a love letter to cheesy, trashy sci-fi fantasy from the 70s, with all that comes with it, and in that regard it does succeed. But still, a lot of the film feels like the utterly juvenile fantasies of same sad high schooler, or perhaps even middle schooler, who has never had and who likely never will have sex. It’s a tashy little time capsule to a bygone era where this sort of storytelling was okay so long as there was enough blood and titties on display, so if that appeals to you, by all means, check this film out. It’s certainly not the worst thing in the world to watch, but animation has come so far and adult animation in particular is capable of so much more than adolescent masturbatory fantasies that this film has little value beyond a few solid segments and a damn good soundtrack.

Hell, just go listen to the soundtrack. I think you’d have a better time doing that.

[jeonggukookies]

better || two

summary: jimin thinks trying on wedding dresses will cheer you up after a night of disaster 

word count: 4,131 (hi guys i am so sorry it’s been seven months but here’s chapter two!)

genre: bestfriend!jimin, college!au, bestfriends to lovers!au angst/fluff/slow burn

one || two

“Jimin, come on!” You shouted over the loud music blaring from the bathroom. It had been over five minutes since you started pounding on the white wooden door for Jimin to come out of the bathroom. “When I said ‘take your time,’ I didn’t actually mean it! I still need to get ready!” 

“Everything takes time!” He yelled back, causing you to groan. The door was suddenly swung opened. He looked at you with his red towel in his right hand, drying his black hair. “Would you like to come in? I just need to dry my hair.”

You scoffed and walked in. “I can’t believe you’re asking me if I would want to come to my own bathroom.” 

“I think you mean, our bathroom,” he joked, trying to make you smile. 

“You don’t live here.” Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your curling wand from the drawer. You plugged the wand in the outlet and then lowered the volume of Jimin’s music coming from his small black portable speaker. “If it’s ever this loud again, it’s going into the toilet.”

“What crawled up your ass?” You gave him a death glare as he stared back at you in the mirror. He was wearing a white long sleeve shirt with light-blue ripped jeans. “Everything okay?”

“Anna just broke up with Hobi, so guess who’s coming to the club tonight.” Jimin groaned. 

As much as you loved Hobi, you were not the biggest fan of brokenhearted Hobi. It wasn’t because he would cry, rant and sulk about his breakup; it was because he would turn to alcohol and sex and would go too crazy for a good week. He becomes that one lightweight uncle that drinks way too much and spills everyone’s secrets at family reunions.  In fact, you and Tiffany first met Hobi three years ago. You two were in line for the girls’ bathroom, and not wanting to wait any longer, you kicked the door open to find him drunk, puking on the floor. You had to drag him out, made him drink a bunch of water and made several dozen calls on his phone, trying to find someone to pick him up to take him home. Eventually, his friend answered the call, laughed, apologized and picked up Hobi ten minutes later. 

The next day, as you were leaving your business math class, you heard someone screaming your name across the hall. You turned around and saw his friend beckoning you to come towards him, Hobi and three other guys. Hobi apologized, thanked you for what you had done and offered to take you out to make it up to you.

Agreeing, you ate with Hobi and was formally introduced to his friends, Jungkook (the friend that picked him up), Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin. As you ate, you realized you all had a lot in common and continued to spend time with them more often, inviting them to go out and eat, see movies and more. After some time, you then introduced them to Tae and Jimin, creating a close friend group between everyone. 

Typically when Hoseok drank excessively, Taehyung and Namjoon took responsibility to take care of him, making sure he didn’t do anything stupid or something he would regret later. They were fine with being the parent of the night as everyone else had fun, drinking. 

But that night, Taehyung was in Japan for another week, finishing his work study course while Joon was out of town for the weekend, visiting his family, and when they were gone, it had to be you, who took care of Hobi.

“Do you want me to take care of him tonight?” Jimin asked as he put the towel on the glass shower door to dry. He stood behind you and grabbed the curling wand from the counter. “I don’t have to drink tonight.”

“Thanks.” You watched Jimin grab a small section of hair from the top of your head and wrap it around the wand. You never asked him to curl your hair, but he always did and when does it, he touches your hair so softly that you can’t feel it. Stylists always pulled on your hair and sometimes burned you, but Jimin never did. He was always careful with you. “And it’s fine. I’ll be on Hobi duty.”

“Are you sure?” He held the wand in place for fifteen seconds before letting go. He moved on to the next section of your hair. “This is my final offer. Going once, going twice.”

“I got it.” He repeated the curling your hair again. “Besides, he loves getting drunk with you, and you know that.”

Looking at Jimin in the mirror, you admired the sight of him curling your hair as he tilted his head back and laughed at your comment as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. 

_________

“How’s your night, Princess?” Jin teased as he came next to you at the bar. You noticed he was probably the least drunk out of everyone. He was wearing a regular black t-shirt and black jeans. “Having fun yet?” 

“You’re so funny.” You mocked him with the same tone of voice, causing him to smile. “It’s going absolutely terrible, but thanks for asking.”

“What’s wrong?” You didn’t need to open your mouth to answer his question. Your finger pointed at Hobi and Jimin; they were both about four feet away from you, buying another round of shots. “Thank God, I don’t have to handle those two tonight.” 

“I haven’t even figured out how I’m going to get them back to my apartment. Maybe I need a tranquilizer?” You watched as both of them finish the shots. “Assuming, they don’t end up in the hospital.”

“At this rate, Hobi is going to ring that bell to buy shots for everyone,” Jin joked.

“Oh, trust me, he’s tried.” You didn’t know if the goal for tonight is to get Hobi back at your place in one piece or if it was to make sure he doesn’t ring that bell, but you pulling him away from the bell was awfully hard. “Twice.”

 “Do you want me to smack some common sense into him?”

“At least not yet. I’m hoping at least one person tries to hit on him, so he can embarrass himself,” you joked. “How’s your night going?”

“Fine, I guess. I don’t really care,” he said. “I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re okay.”

“Please don’t tell me that’s your way of flirting,” Hoseok slurred as he stumbled in front of you and Jin with a drink in his hand. “You know you can do better than that.” 

“Better as in what?” You crossed your arms.

“I’m saying that I don’t want you two to sleep together tonight. I mean, I prefer you guys don’t do it at all, but if you’re going to do it, don’t do it tonight,” he ranted slowly. “I really don’t to hear your loud moans through your thin-ass walls. I actually want some sleep tonight, you know?” 

“Excuse me?” Noticing your confused face, Jimin came right next to him, took the drink away from Hobi’s hand and drank it himself. Hobi was too drunk to notice what had just happened. “I think it’s time for you to stop drinking, buddy.”

“You’re so loud,” Hobi exaggerated, imitating a high pitch sound of a moan. People started to stare as you tried to hush him, but he kept moaning.

“This isn’t the time or place,” Jin warned, not wanting Hobi to say the wrong thing. “We don’t need to talk about this right now.”

“That you and Y/N hooked up?” Hobi blurted out. “Why can’t we talk about that?”

“What are you talking about?” Jimin asked as he saw your eyes widen at Hobi’s sudden confession. His head turned to you, expecting an answer. “What is he talking about?”  

“I have no idea,” you lied. “He’s drunk.”

“You and Jin hooked up two months ago, remember?” He started screaming in the club. “I can’t be the only one remembering this. Here, let’s get Yoongi. I bet he remembers. Yoongi!”

“You guys what?!” You raised your eyebrows at Jimin’s sudden attitude change. He wasn’t the type to yell at anyone; he always tried to calm everyone down by awkwardly telling jokes. In fact, you couldn’t remember the last time you heard him yell. “You guys hooked up?!”

“Oh shit.” Hobi was finally coming to realization with what was being said. “I forgot we weren’t supposed to tell Jimin.”

“What?!” Jimin’s tone of voice started getting louder. “You guys lied to me?”

“It just sort of happened.” Which wasn’t really a lie, but not the truth either. You and Jin were both at his place, getting drunk of some store bought wine as everyone else was out on a date that night. You complained to Jin how you missed having sex, and as a joke, Jin suggested he could change that.

“It’s not a big deal,” Jin reassured him as he stood next to you. “It was a one time thing.”

“Just wait until Tae finds out!” 

“Dude.” Hoseok stressed the word out. “Who do you think found them and told us not to tell you?” 

One of the most embarrassing moments of your life was when you and Jin were making out that next morning, about to make that one time thing a two time thing, and as you moaned loudly, Taehyung walked in, asking if Jin was okay. He really thought your moan was his. 

That feeling of embarrassment did not leave until weeks after. It wasn’t like you were naked or hadn’t kissed guys in front of your cousin before, but it wasn’t something you wanted him to see, hear or know. You also didn’t want him or any of the other boys to subtly make any jokes about you moaning (but of course, they did).

Taehyung was mortified as he gathered you and Jin into the living room with everyone, except Jimin; he was still sleeping in his room. You and Jin had to explain what happened and that you guys only saw each other as friends. Taehyung then made you and Jin agree that it would never happen again and made everyone swore not to tell Jimin. No one asked why, but we agreed not to.

“You guys slept together,” Jimin said in a low voice, still louder than the music around him. “I can’t believe you guys did that.”

“What?” You were taken back by his comment. Was he mad that everyone didn’t tell him what happened? Or was he mad at the fact you and Jin had hooked up? He couldn’t have been mad at that, but it sounded like that. 

“I can’t do this.” Jimin grabbed a random drink next to him and splashed all the liquid onto Jin. He threw the empty glass onto the ground, pushed Hoseok out of his way and angrily walked away.

“Jimin!” Jin called out. He was about to go after him, but you grabbed onto his shoulder and shook your head. “Shouldn’t we get him?”

“Leave him, he’s drunk,” you said. “He’s probably getting a taxi to go back to his place, and if not, he’ll call me to get him. He’ll be okay.”

“Yo! What a crazy night, guys!” Hoseok screamed as he rang the bell, having everyone cheer for him and the free drinks. “Free drinks!”

______

“Please don’t be mad at me,’ he said. “I know being drunk is not an excuse, but I really was drunk. I don’t know what came over me.”

Shopping was something Jimin actually enjoyed doing, especially with you. Although you would complain and try to rush him out of the dressing room all the time, he liked all the jokes you made and all the honest feedback you gave him. Your opinion really influenced him. More than once, your opinion had saved him from public embarrassment from his friends and everyone else he was trying to impress. Everyone has some piece of clothing they regret buying, except Jimin.

“I thought you said you were going to make it up to me.” After getting off work, you and Jimin were at the mall, walking around, arms linked with each other. He apologized and told you that he wanted to make it up to you. “Typically when that happens, I pick and enjoy what we do. And last time I checked, you like shopping and I don’t.” 

“I’m here to pay for whatever you want, and I promise I won’t get a single thing for myself unless I have special permission from you. Consider this as an extra birthday present from me.” Jimin went all out for your birthday, but you couldn’t blame him when you did the same. When his birthday came around, you bought him seven expensive presents for each day of the week he was born, and he would do the same for you; it had became a natural thing to do for each other.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said. “I just want you to apologize to Jin and Hobi though.” 

“But first, I need to say sorry to you for ruining your night, and this is my way of saying sorry.” He shrugged. “Besides, you really need new clothes for your birthday.”

“My clothes are perfectly fine!” You argued, playfully hitting his arm. 

“Where to?” He asked. 

“I really don’t need any new clothes,” You repeated. 

“Let’s just have fun and try things on then,” he suggested. 

He suddenly stopped walking causing you unlink your arm with his. You gave him a confused look, not understanding why he stopped. He rolled his eyes and nod his head towards the store you two were in front of.

“Jimin, no! Not today. We aren’t doing this,” you whined. 

“Come on! It’ll be fun! You love watching Say Yes to the Dress.”

“Are you crazy? I am not trying on wedding dresses for fun!” As he desperately tries to pull you in, you tried to pull Jimin in the other direction, hoping not to rip the sleeve of your shirt. “Anyone seeing this?! He’s trying to hold me hostage against my own will!” 

“I’m not!” Jimin eventually got you on your feet and pushed you into the store. You two sat on the first unoccupied chairs and waited for someone to come. 

“Hi. Are we looking at wedding dresses today?” The sales associate asked. She was wearing in a black business suit with black heels. 

“Yes, we are looking for dresses today!” He declared loudly for everyone to hear. “She wants something very simple, but not too basic. No mermaid dresses, beaded tops, corsets or anything with any ridiculous design.”

“Oh god,” you mumbled under your breath, thinking you could not take another minute of this. 

"I think I can help you with that.” She laughed and shook her hand out. “My name is Kim.”

“I’m Jimin, and this is Y/N.” 

“I’ll have you follow me into a dressing room, and Jimin, if you find any dresses Y/N might like, try to find me.” 

After a couple minutes of waiting in the dressing room, you heard a knock on the door. The door slightly opened, and Kim walked in with one sleeved wedding dress, one ball gown weeding dress and one a-line wedding dress in her hands. “I have three dresses for you.” 

“Wow,” you blurted out as she hung each of them. You weren’t really a fan of dresses, but something about wedding dresses made you want to try them on. “These are all so pretty.” 

“I’m glad you like them.” She smiled. “Do you know which one you want to try on first?” 

The sweetheart lace A-line wedding dress caught your eye first. It was exactly how Jimin described your taste: simple, but not too basic. The dress wasn’t pure white, but it was ivory blush color. You weren’t a fan of floral, but you loved the lace floral design on the dress. You reached out to touch the material and admired the dress. “I think this one.” 

As you started removing your jeans and sweater, Kim turned around to give you some privacy. She was getting the dress out of the bag and off the hook, ready to help you when you were ready to try on the dress. You laughed, but you liked her presence. “How long have you and Jimin been together?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” You froze. “Did you say me and Jimin?”

She turned around and unzipped the back zipper for you. She held the dress as you got into it. “You two are so adorable.”

“We’re just friends,” you said quickly as she pulled the dress up. “We’re not dating.” 

“Oh!” She furrowed her eyebrows together, trying to understand the situation. “I’m sorry, but I thought you two were. Usually, couples shop for wedding dresses together.”

“I’m not getting married either. I’m just making him happy by trying on wedding dresses.” She zipped up the zipper as you adjusted your hair, making sure it wasn’t in the way. 

“You guys would look together.” The whole atmosphere became awkward, and you wanted to slap Jimin for making you go through this alone. He was better at telling people you two weren’t dating, while you always made everything more awkward. “Have you two dated?” 

“No.” You let out an awkward laugh. “I’m not really his type anyways.”

You remember when you used to get overwhelmed when people asked about your relationship with Jimin. You felt as if you were only known as Jimin’s girl rather than an actual human being. 

“Just say I don’t like you like that, and just change the subject to show them how amazing you are,” he said.

 “He doesn’t like me like that,” you repeated what Jimin told everyone. 

“But do you?” She asked. “Do you like him like that?”

When people asked you that question, you immediately always said that the thought of you and Jimin dating was never a possibility. You would always tell them no and move on from the conversation, but when Kim asked you right there, in that room of wedding dresses, you had to think about your feelings. 

Was there something actually there that felt something more for your best friend? Did you like spending time with Jimin? Yes, but all best friends enjoy their time with their best friend. Do you feel the happiest with Jimin? Of course, but all best friends feel happy with their best friend. Do you think about Jimin constantly? Yes, but even friends think about their friends.

“Are you married?” You asked her as she was in front of you, adjusting the dress. 

“Yes.” She smiled. “Almost 20 years.” 

“How did you know he was the one you wanted?” 

“He was my best friend,” she answered. “But I noticed that I always thought of him for the smallest of things, and I didn’t want anyone else in front of me at the altar. I wanted to spend my time with him the most.”

“That’s beautiful.” 

“Is that how you feel about Jimin?”

You had a bunch of relationships, but it never got to the point where you felt like you were seriously in love, and the idea of marriage with any of your boyfriends never came to your mind. You knew you wanted to fall in love and wanted to get married, but when you thought about it, Jimin came into your mind. You pictured him in a tuxedo, smiling at you as if he was happy for you getting married. But the idea of him being the groom rather the best man or groomsmen didn’t sickened you; it actually made your heart flutter in excitement. Is that what love feels like? Had you always been feeling love for him?

“Oh my god.” A tear rolled down onto your cheek. Your feelings were a mess, and you couldn’t believe what was happening. Did that mean you liked Jimin? Did that mean you actually loved him? Not as a friend, but as a partner. “I-”

Before you could answer her question, there was a loud knock on the door. “Hey Kim. I have a dress for Y/N. She’s going to love it.” 

She opened the door slightly to grab the dress, but she didn’t open it wide enough for him to see you. Pushing the door right away, she yelled out, “Thanks.” 

Wiping your face, you laughed at the sight of the dress and rolled your eyes at Jimin’s humor. It was a black v-neck ball gown; the top was practically see through while he bottom of the dress looked like one giant rose. You absolutely hated the dress, and you knew he did too.

“This is a joke, right?” Kim asked, petrified with what she was holding in her hand. “Does he think this is ‘simple, but not too basic?’”

“He just wanted me to laugh.” You smiled. “He knew I would probably feel a little anxious, so he brought that to cheer me up.”

“And he did.” She gave you a small smile. You knew that she really love you and Jimin together. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you with your feelings, by the way. That was rude of me to do that. I shouldn’t have asked and should have respected you with what you said.” 

“It’s fine.” A small part of you wanted to thank her, but you couldn’t tell if this was something worth thanking about. What if the realization of your feelings later breaks you? Was it worth knowing?

“It’s not,” Kim countered. “I’m sorry.” 

“I just have a lot to think about.” You shrugged, trying to bury all your feelings. “It doesn’t look like I cried, right?” 

“I don’t think he’ll know,” she said, scanning your face to see.

“You’ll be surprised.”

“You look breathtaking,” she said as she made you look at the mirror. “This dress was made for you.” 

________

“Close your eyes!” He groaned as he put his hands to cover his eyes. You were on the podium, facing Jimin with your back facing the mirrors. “You’re not peaking, right?” 

“Nope,” he promised. “Can I look now?” 

“Promise you won’t make fun of me.” 

“Why would I make fun of you?”

“Just promise me!” You tried not to laugh.

“I promise.” 

“Okay. Open your eyes.” 

He opened his eyes and you noticed his jaw slightly dropped. He stared at you, mesmerizing every detail of the dress. He was sure that his loud heartbeat could be heard. “Wow.”

You wondered if he liked the dress or if he liked you being in the dress. “I love this dress a lot.” 

“I love it too,” he agreed. He stood up on the podium with you and looked closely at your face. Biting your lip, you tried to look away, but you knew that he could tell. “Were you crying?” 

“Veil or no veil?” Kim asked with a veil in her hand. She really knew how to save you like an angel.

“Veil.”

“No veil.” 

Even though you said no, Kim handed the veil to Jimin. He then put the veil on top of your head, adjusting your hair. You felt him run his fingers in your hair, slowly. Then, just like Kim, he turned your body towards the mirror. His eyes met yours in the mirror. “You are so stunning.” 

You turned to Jimin. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I mean it.”

Putting his arms around you, he pulled you closer to him. Automatically, you put your arms around his neck and felt his hair at the nape of his neck. His head leaned towards you as he stared at your lips. 

You two had always been close. It was a normal thing, but this was the first time you were this close. It felt like he was looking at you for permission to press his lips against yours. 

A sound coming from him stopped him. He let go out you as he grabbed the phone out of his back pocket and looked at who was calling him. “It’s Jessica.” 

Your eyes widened.

Jessica.

How could you forget? Jessica. Jimin’s girlfriend. Jimin’s girl. The person that is not you.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked as he slid to answer the call and put the phone towards his ear. You hear loud noises come from the other end, and then all of the sudden, you watched Jimin ran out of the store with no explanation. 

As if nothing between you had happened. 

As if it didn’t mean anything to him. 

And you were left alone, in a wedding dress, confused with your feelings of your best friend.

[spidercakes]

Have a fun lil ABO high school starker thing (because apparently that’s what I’ve been feeling lately) :) Featuring omega!Tony and alpha!Peter

*

Peter watches Tony like he always does, in like, a not creepy way. Okay, always watching him his kinda creepy but its not really always its mostly when he comes and goes from his locker because Peter’s is three down and Tony is always a whirlwind of drama and snark that Peter thinks is amusing. And also because he has a giant neon crush on Tony and has for like, ages. But he’s a year younger and he can’t say he blames omegas for mostly dating older when their pool of potential dates thinks farting on each other is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen. Even he doesn’t like alphas his age and he is alphas his age.

Still, Tony. He walks in, some guy trailing behind him obviously trying to get his attention but Tony ignores him for the most part. “Oh come on, at least take the-” Tony cuts him off as he turns around. He looks beyond annoyed so Peter grins, sure that Tony’s companion is about to get told off.

“Okay, I don’t know what gave you the impression I actually give a shit about you but I don’t. I wanted to fuck you, I did that. Now get the hell out of my face,” Tony snaps at him.

Peter shakes his head because they never learn. This happens at least once a week and they all react the way this guy does now, yelling about Tony being a slut or whatever insult that comes to mind. “Dude, if the worst you can say about Tony is that he has a lot of sex I think he’s winning,” Peter says and then his eyes go wide because he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Tony looks over, then looks him over and Peter swears to god he’s going to die of embarrassment. “Why don’t you shut up and stay out of it,” the guy snaps at Peter.

“If you want me to stay out of it then stop shrieking like a banshee for everyone to hear, it is seven thirty in the morning you are so annoying,” Peter says, shutting his locker door and he’s fully prepared to flee because he hadn’t meant to say that either but Tony’s voice stops him.

“See, he thinks your annoying too and he didn’t even have to deal with the shitty sex,” Tony says, shrugging like this is something that can’t be helped and he turns to his locker. “So how about you go, hmm?” He flicks his fingers at the guy in dismissal and Peter’s kind of shocked that he just goes. Peter turns too, figuring he’s also been dismissed. “Oh, not you. Where’d you come from?” Tony asks him and Peter frowns.

“I’ve been here the whole time,” he says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I can see that but like, why are you here now?” he asks.

Okay, MJ would totally think its arrogant that Tony didn’t know Peter’s locker was three down from his but also Peter didn’t know bananas weren’t supposed to make his mouth all tingly until last week so if he can go sixteen years without noticing an allergy he figures Tony can be forgiven about the locker thing. “That’s my locker,” he says, gesturing to it. “Which is what I meant by I’ve been here the whole time.”

Tony looks him over again and Peter wishes he would stop that or maybe continue he’s not sure yet, his brain is panicking. “Huh. Well there’s something new.”

*

Peter is trying with some success to jam his books back into his locker when Tony walks up to him. “How come I don’t know you?” he asks and he takes a bite of his apple.

He has no idea how Tony can make these things look so damn casual. “Probably because I’m a year younger than you,” Peter says, finally managing to shove his biology text book back into his locker shelf.

“That’s no excuse, plenty of people go to parties,” Tony says and its so cute that he thinks Peter has ever been invited to any party ever.

“Uh, yeah, the only parties I go to are the ones involving Dungeons and Dragons so that’s like, probably another reason why you don’t know me.”

He doesn’t really expect Tony to look excited but he lights up anyway. “I love D&D!”

“I don’t but that’s because MJ keeps finding ways to make sure my characters die.” Usually in horrible ways and he works so hard to make them live but somehow he always ends up with a himbo who dies brutally.

“Michelle? Yeah, she’s great. A little intense, but hilarious,” he says and if he didn’t describe her as intense he would assume that Tony was talking about some other Michelle. Not that any of her friends call her that.

“How do you know MJ?”

“She likes to draw people in crisis in detention and I’m in there a lot. Which brings me to point number two, we have friends in common and I’m offended no one has introduced us,” he says.

Peter’s fucking confused and in a good way maybe? He has no idea what’s going on but it seems good so there’s that. “MJ likes to toy with people, she probably did it on purpose.” Definitely more like, she’s known that Peter has had a crush on Tony since forever and she’s never said anything about them talking anywhere let alone detention.

“Uh huh. So here’s the thing Peter, and I had to dig for that information because for someone reason everyone knows you as penis? I’ll forgive whatever weirdness that is, point is I think you’re cute and we’re gunna go a date and you better like Star Wars otherwise I’ll have to shoot myself for being attracted to someone who doesn’t like Star Wars and that’s messy so. See you at eight?” he asks and Jesus Peter wishes he had that kind of confidence.

“I’ve already seen the new Star Wars movie. I went opening night, obviously,” he says, frowning at himself because why is he even arguing this?

“Great, so did I. We can compare notes on how we think things should have went and annoy the other movie patrons with it. See you at eight?” he asks again, totally unperturbed and man, Peter is probably in love with him.

“Yeah, sure. But like, I have so many opinions so you should be prepared. I literally have notes and like, a slide show about it.” He has no idea why he admitted that out loud and honestly its more of a theory board done up Charlie Day style with a bunch of strings attached to it so Ned can stop being wrong and realize why Peter is right about everything to do with Star Wars canon but also. There’s no need to say any of that out loud.

Tony doesn’t look the least bit put off by that and instead grins, “good, and you should be prepared too because I have a freakish amount of Star Wars knowledge just lingering around in my brain for when morons try to claim they know more about Star Wars that I do.”

Peter grins, “awesome!”

*

MJ looks confused and Peter is also confused, he gets it. “You went on a date with Tony Stark? Stark doesn’t do dates, he barely even does one night stands.”

Oh, he does one night stands just fine, maybe a little too fine if his dramatic love life is any indication. Still though, he went on a date with Tony so he shrugs. “Well I don’t know but we went on a date and it was nice and he’s a total heathen when it comes to Star Wars theories but I can forgive that.”

MJ rolls her eyes, “dude, if he killed a man right in front of you you’d forgive it if you got a chance to sleep with the guy,” she points out.

“Oh my god MJ, don’t be so rude. I don’t want to just sleep with him, like a relationship would be nice. If he’s interested, which is probably a no because I’m me and he’s him but still. I can dream.” Its not like he doesn't already and if nothing else he did get to go on a date with the guy so there’s that.

“Nice to see MJ wasn’t talking out her ass when she said you weren't you know, like that. You know what I mean,” Tony says, making Peter jump in surprise as he sits beside him.

He does know what Tony means though and he lets out an annoyed huff. “Oh my god alphas are all so fucking annoying. They’re all ‘why don’t omegas like me,’” he says in a fake whiny voice, “but then they go on to make fun of literally everything omegas do and how they do it and then to top it off they walk around trying just scent people like walking up and sniffing the shit out of someone isn’t creepy as hell. They don’t like you because you’re stupid, Chad.”

Tony squints at him, “how are you single? What’s wrong with you? Do you keep a bag of baby teeth under your pillow?” he asks and Peter frowns.

“Oh he’s got no baby teeth, no bag of hair, and he’s not pretending to be woke just to get laid either, he’s just like that. His downside is that his voice hasn’t gone through puberty and he has a really sad tragic backstory that will make you want to pet him to make him feel better and that’s disgusting,” MJ says, laying out Peter Facts like its her job. Except she and Tony clearly talked about something because they’re talking like they did and he is so confused. “Also he’s dumb as hell and doesn’t know omegas have vetting systems, which is why he looks like he’s trying to take a shit right now.”

“Perfect. So we’re going to a museum later, right?” he tells Peter and he nods because like, obviously.

[babybirdgyeom]

bambam: “what do you think?”

pairing: bambam & reader

prompts: “i’ll wait through your phases.” & “i have loved you since we were 18.” & “it’s time for you to ask me out.”

genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

word count: 2.5k

summary: bambam and you were friends. at least that’s what you thought until one lonely night on top of a rooftop. 

note: this is a requested drabble i wrote for my follower special (find it here). also, highly inspired by prettymuch’s “phases”.

The city looked beautiful, the light rain didn’t disturb you at all, if anything it made your little hometown look even more beautiful. The view from the rooftop of the parking garage next to your house always was one of your favorite things about this town ─ your mother was always insisting you spent to much time up here but it holds so many magical memories, nothing could calm you down like the familiar comfort of looking at the skyline from here.

Basically, to say it in the easiest way possible, you had a bad day. One of many, but today it hit differently. A part of you was mad at yourself for thinking that he was actually serious about the two of you when there were so many red flags. You weren’t even sure if you liked him but now that he ditched you loneliness was once again your best friend. The other part of you, the one that was more dominant, made you feel sorry for yourself.

God, why was it so hard to find a decent guy in your town? All the good guys were either in a relationship, not interested or too close to you to risk ruining your friendship with them.

So, there you were, lovesick over some fool that certainly was not good enough for you, sad music on full volume in your ears, feeling empty all alone on the top of your city. This sure would be a good scene for a dramatic teenage movie. 

You were a bit startled when you suddenly realized a tall figure beside you, disturbing you while you were drowning yourself in self-pity, until you saw who it was ─ Of course, he’d find you. After all, Bambam always came to your rescue.

“So, it’s over I assume?”, your friend asked you, sitting down right beside you. He handed you a hot pack so you wouldn’t freeze, knowing exactly you forgot yours. It was almost scary how good he knew you by now.

Nodding, you took out your headphones, “Big surprise, right?”

His legs were dangling off the high building, they were so much longer than yours, it was ridiculous. You looked at him and he gave you a small but reassuring smile.

“Why didn’t you call me?”, he asked you, sounding a bit disappointed.

“I knew you’d find me.”, you joked but you couldn’t hide the sadness in your voice.

“You didn’t hide very well.”, he chuckled, scooting a bit closer to you to hug you, “You shouldn’t be sad about him, he smelled bad anyways.”

It was very rare to see Bambam like this ─ sincere, serious, maybe even a bit worried about you. Mostly he was the complete opposite ─ loud, active, a pain in the ass, but at least a lovely one.

Resting your head on his shoulder, you sighed, “I’m not even sad. I’m just lonely.”

Shaking his head, he sighed, “That’s what you get from involving yourself with guys like them. I told you before.”

You knew he didn’t mean it in a mean way and you also knew he was right about it but you weren’t in the mood to listen to these kind of lectures right now. There were only few things you hated more than Bambam’s lectures, the worst part about them was that he was always in the right. 

Bambam surely belonged to the type of guys who were too close to you to be something more. Still, it sadly was more complicated than that. The two of you met at a party several years ago and that day, things were more than friendly.

You still remember how attracted you were to those long legs and to his fashion choices, his plump lips and, probably most of all, his personality. He was, and still is, the funniest and most carefree person you have ever met and you couldn’t help but be unbelievable attracted to him. And luckily, he seemed to feel the same way.

Even though it feels like a lifetime ago, you still remember that evening exactly. You never could forget how his lips felt on yours, how smoothly his hands wandered all over your body, how good his body felt on yours. His jokes made you laugh, his flirting made you feel almost flustered and his hands made you feel craving more. Back then, he seemed like the perfect future boyfriend for you.

But after that night, the two of you somehow ended up as friends. He insisted that both of you were way too young and wild to be in a serious relationship and you had too much potential to fuck up an amazing possible friendship for a messy love story. 

That’s how you two became friends and you knew he was right about what he said back then ─ without him as your friend you probably would feel beyond lost. But sometimes, for a second only you couldn’t help but wonder how things would’ve gone if you didn’t decide to be friends instead of lovers. 

“Thanks, I know I have terrible taste in men.”, you scoffed, giving him an annoyed glance, “No need to remind me.”

“You do.”, he said, almost cold and you wondered what was going on. Something was definitely bothering him but you knew he hated to talk about his feelings.

“Okay, dude.”, you said, repositioning yourself to be able to look at him without hurting your neck, “What the hell is going on with you?”

He knitted his eyebrows together, looking at you in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Did you only come here to tell me how bad I am at dating?”, you asked a bit sharp, not being in the mood to be judged by your best friend.

Rolling his eyes, he let out a long sigh, “Yes, of course. I just came to make you feel more terribly, sounds just like me, right?”

While you usually thought he was beyond funny when he was being sarcastic, this time he had a way too serious undertone to it. It was unlike him to come at you, especially when you were down so you a weird feeling came creeping up in your stomach, not sure if it was anger or sorrow. 

Not wanting to fight, you pressed your lips together into a thin line, “Look, Bambam. Let’s not do this tonight. I’ll go home, okay? Thank you for looking out for me.”

Just as you were trying to get up, he snapped at you, making you freeze immediately. 

“Just stop running away from your problems for once.”, he said, raising his voice but instantly regretting it ─ you could see the regret in his eyes and you weren’t mad at him, you were just wondering what made him so mad. After all, even Bambam was allowed to have his bad days, you just wished he’d talk to you. 

For a second there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you, no one knowing how to handle this rather unusual situation. You don’t remember him ever raising your voice at you before and it seriously made you feel terrible.

“I’m sorry.”, he broke the silence first, his voice now quiet and soft again, “Seriously, I shouldn’t have shouted.”

Nodding, you felt your tense body relaxing a bit again, sitting back down, “Why do you think I’m running away from my problems?”

Shrugging, his eyes were glued to the skyline of the city, “I just got frustrated, I didn’t mean that. I promise.”

Now you were the confused one. He still didn’t seem normal again, so you decided to find the roots of his problem, “What are you frustrated about? If you don’t want to listen to my constant complaining anymore I’ll stop, seriously. I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

For a second he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, “You could complain all day and I’d still love to listen to every word. I’ve just been thinking lately and I let it out on you, that wasn’t fair.”

“Bambam, please, don’t make me beg you to tell me what is going on.”, you said, your shoulder brushing his, “What have you been thinking about?”

“It’s stupid.”, he said but also knew that he had to tell you because you wouldn’t let it go until he talked to you, “Somehow, I can’t stop thinking about the day we met lately. I try to push these thoughts away, but they keep on coming back.”

He looked so discouraged, it almost broke your heart. If there was one thing your heart couldn’t take it was seeing him sad or hopeless, especially not if you were the reason for it. It was terrible to see him so frustrated.

“I think about it too every now and then, what’s so bad about it?”, you ask him, trying to encourage him. Of course, you thought about it too, there was nothing bad about it, “It happened before we became friends and honestly, it was a fun night, it’s only normal to think about it.”

“No, I don’t think you understand.”, he said, once again not daring to look at you, “I know you’re not mine of course, but it feels like even though you’re not, I’m still yours.”

His words felt like a dagger right in your heart, not knowing how to respond, not even sure what exactly he was trying to say, it sounded like he tried to confess to you but considerating your relationship to each other you highly doubt it, there was no way Bambam caught feelings for you, not the guy who decided to become your friend instead of your lover many years ago.

“Bam.”, you said softly, daring to take his hand to make him feel calmer, “You have to be a bit more precise in order for me to understand.”

Finally, he looked at you, his expression seemed desperate and you truly have never seen him like this. In front of you wasn’t your funny and supportive best friend, no, in front of you was a handsome but very hurting man.

His gaze shifted from your eyes to your lips, then to your hands.

“I never minded you trying to find yourself, dating shitty men, comforting you when someone hurt you, you know? I always thought that I’ll wait through your phases. But I don’t want you to watch getting hurt anymore.”, he said, taking a small break from his speech before scoffing, “God, some alcohol or a cigarette to calm down would truly be appreciated right now.”

You chuckled at his comment, after all, he was still the same guy even when he was pouring his heart out. Still a little bit confused you dared to be a bit blunt, “You’re saying that you like me?”

“Yup.”, he said with a little scoff, shrugging but still not letting go of your hand, “Actually, I love you. I have loved you since we were 18.”

You felt a little butterfly in your stomach, followed by another one and yet another one until your whole stomach was feeling tingly. While this was very unexpected and you certainly didn’t know how to respond at all, you couldn’t help but feel good. It was surprising and you never would’ve thought that deep down, Bambam actually liked you but it somehow made so much sense to you ─  the two of you definitely would be a powerful couple and basically have acted like one for forever and, obviously, you have been attracted to him from the start. 

Your mind was filled with a thousand thoughts and you were not really able to catch a single one of them, all of this seemed so sudden but so expected at the same time and you couldn’t explain what you were feeling even if you tried.

Looking into his eyes, you felt nothing but pure admiration for him.

“I don’t want to destroy our friendship.”, he suddenly said, clearly panicking.

You shushed him, wanting to say something but he wouldn’t let you, continuing to panic.

“Back then I said we should become friends rather than lovers because we weren’t ready for something serious but sometimes I feel like I regret that and I just-”

Once again you shushed him, hoping he’d calm down so you could say something. His babbling was cute and you appreciated that he tried to explain the situation but you really wanted to tell him that he has nothing to worry about.

“I hope we can stay friends even though this-”, he once again started, looking nervous but you decided it was about time to stop him.

Without thinking about it twice you moved closer to him, your lips finding his just to make him shut up, knowing this would probably be the only way he’d stop talking. It took him a second to understand what was happening but as soon as he realized that it was fine, you felt his hand in your hair while his lips worked his magic on yours. The kiss was intense and slow, his lips still as soft as you remembered them. His scent was obfuscating you and all of those little butterflies came back to your stomach.

He deepened the kiss, not wanting this moment to pass even though both of you were dying to talk about the situation, this came first. He put a bit more pressure into it, his second hand finding its way to your lower back, gently pushing you closer to him. You wouldn’t have thought that you ever got the chance to kiss him again but you definitely were happy about it.

“Bambam.”, you said while taking a breath but he didn’t stop kissing you. 

Chuckling into the kiss, you freed yourself from him. He looked at you and gave you a small smile, “What do you think?”

“I think it’s time for you to ask me out.”, you said grinning.

[aion-rsa]

10 Best Fighting Game Movies

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Once upon a time, Bruce Lee, Jim Kelly, and John Saxon visited a crime boss’ private island to compete in a fighting tournament and it was awesome. The 1973 movie Enter the Dragon is basically the prototype for the fighting games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. And when those fighting games became popular, they inspired their own movies that either tried to emulate Enter the Dragon or do something completely new.

The ‘90s gave us the cheesy live-action fighting game movies from Hollywood and the animated movies from Japan. There have been several live-action Mortal Kombat movies as well as a few animated ones. There have also been multiple Street Fighter movies, four attempts at Tekken, a trilogy of Fatal Fury films, and more.

Are most of them bad? Yes. But did we pick our 10 favorite fighting game movies anyway? You bet. Here are our picks:

10. ART OF FIGHTING (1993)

Eh…it’s harmless.

The Art of Fighting series is mostly defined by the twist that the first game’s final boss is the main character’s father and the second game’s final boss is a younger incarnation of the villain from Fatal Fury. Take away those aspects and you’re left with a rather lowkey storyline for a fighting game where a teenage girl is kidnapped by a mobster and is rescued by her brother and her boyfriend.

Wait, I said that weird. It’s two different people, I swear! Except in Capcom, where Dan Hibiki is literally both of them merged into one character.

In the 45-minute Art of Fighting movie about Ryo and Robert, who are like chiller and dopier versions of Ryu and Ken, we watch as the duo gets sucked into a plot about stolen diamonds, martial arts criminals, and angry police lieutenants. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s a fine, breezy watch.

Ryo’s incorrect hair color kind of irks me, though.

9. STREET FIGHTER ALPHA: THE ANIMATION (1999)

This movie suffers from the same problem as Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture. It features a cast of heroes from a fighting game taking on a villain created for the movie instead of the villains we actually give a shit about. But the movie does also have some brief but awesome cameos (Kim Kaphwan and Geese Howard from Fatal Fury and Dan Hibiki and Akuma from Street Fighter Alpha) to brighten up a less-than-stellar plot.

Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation does at least get by because the original characters play up Ryu’s whole fear about being overcome by “the Dark Hadou.” This leads to some cool animations where Evil Ryu looks like a mindless, shambling zombie but also an unstoppable fighting machine.

The movie’s main storyline is about a kid named Shun who claims that he’s Ryu’s long-lost brother. He too is a fighter cursed with an inner dark side, which is used as a red herring to suggest that Shun’s father (and presumably Ryu’s father) is actually Akuma. That ends up being bupkis and Shun is just linked to some scheme by a mad scientist or whatever.

Probably the funniest thing about this movie is the directors’ infatuation with Chun-Li’s midsection. She’s wearing her form-fitting Street Fighter Alpha costume and there are dozens upon dozens of random close-ups to her lower torso from the front and back. If this were a drinking game, it would kill you.

8. FATAL FURY 2: THE NEW BATTLE (1993)

Of the Fatal Fury movie trilogy, this one is easily the best, even if it makes all the good guys seem like a bunch of overly-serious crybabies. The basic story is that after having avenged his father’s death, Terry hits rock bottom, dusts himself off, and comes out the other end stronger. Good, good. Going Rocky III is the perfect direction for a follow-up.

The problem is that Terry comes off as a bit of a whiner and the other heroes try way too hard to vilify the movie’s main antagonist, who hasn’t actually done anything that terrible. Krauser shows up one day, challenges Terry to a fight, wins, and says, “Okay, when you get better, train and fight me again.” Krauser isn’t trying to take over the world or murder orphans or whatever. He’s just a dude with huge shoulder armor who wants a good fight.

But everyone acts like Krauser’s the absolute worst. Terry starts drinking and falls to pieces while his buddies hope to get revenge. What a bunch of jerks.

While a fun romp, the worst thing about this sequel is how they redesigned Krauser. Gone is his mustache and forehead scar for the sake of making him seem younger. Kind of a bullshit move, considering he’s supposed to be the half-brother to middle-aged Geese Howard.

7. TEKKEN: THE MOTION PICTURE (1998)

This hour-long anime is almost great but just can’t stick the landing. It runs into the same problem as Mortal Kombat: Annihilation where the game series tells a specific overall story but the movie cuts corners to tell the same story. Tekken: The Motion Picture covers the first Tekken while setting up Tekken 3 and skipping Tekken 2 completely.

It means that everything’s well and good until the confusing and rushed finale. Otherwise, the movie is a fine use of the Enter the Dragon formula. Heihachi Mishima has a special island fighting tournament and the entrants include his vengeful son, a couple of cops investigating the situation, a gigantic robot, an angry Native American girl, two feuding assassin sisters, and a bunch of awesome characters who only get about three full frames of appearances each. Really would have liked to see something from Paul, King, and Yoshimitsu, though.

Other than Kazuya being pissed at everything, the best scenes are the over-the-top ones. When Jack does crazy robot stuff, when dinosaurs show up and start eating people, and that memorable sequence where Heihachi catches a hatchet with his mouth and then shatters it with his jaw.

6. STREET FIGHTER (1994)

I know this movie is just a GI Joe script with Street Fighter names pasted over it. I know it’s a cheesefest of dopey ideas and Belgian accents. I’ve long accepted that. Thing is, the movie is still a total blast to watch. What it lacks in faithfulness to the source material, it makes up for with pure camp and ham.

The 16 characters from Super Street Fighter II are represented here, except Fei Long is replaced with the forgettable Captain Sawada. How ironic that the movie star character isn’t even in the movie!

In general, the movie features some head-scratching depictions of classic Street Fighter characters. All-American Guile is played by Jean Claude Van Damme, Charlie Nash and Blanka are the same character, Dee Jay is an evil hacker, Ryu and Ken are comedic conmen, and Dhalsim is a frumpy scientist.

It’s Raul Julia’s M. Bison who keeps this guilty pleasure afloat. He’s to Street Fighter what Frank Langella’s Skeletor was to Masters of the Universe. He gives 110% and his performance is easily the best reason to watch this movie. It’s truly a wonder to behold.

Read more

Games

The Forgotten Fighting Games of the 1990s

By Gavin Jasper

Games

King of Fighters: Ranking All the Characters

By Gavin Jasper

The movie is infamous for inspiring a fighting game based on it, but you know what nobody ever talks about? The Double Dragon movie also had a fighting game based on it made by Technos and released on the Neo Geo. And Double Dragon wasn’t even a one-on-one fighter to begin with!

Anyway, if you intend to sit back and watch Street Fighter, make sure to add in the RiffTrax commentary.

5. DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE (2006)

Enter the Dragon meets Charlie’s Angels is a heck of a concept, but DOA: Dead or Alive is so confidently tongue-in-cheek that it succeeds as an action comedy that’s way better than it has any right to be. Part of why it works is that Dead or Alive has never had much of an overarching storyline, but is more defined by the individual characters (plus, you know, all the cheesecake). Enough of those characters appear in what’s your regular “fighting tournament on a mysterious island” setup.

The whole thing moves with such energy that it’s easy to get sucked in. It’s the opposite of the live-action Tekken movie, where even though the film features accurate versions of all the characters, everything is so drab and lifeless that you just can’t wait for it to be over. In DOA, the combatants spend their downtime playing cartoony action volleyball with Fake Dennis Rodman on commentary, while in Tekken everyone mopes about dystopian capitalism.

Other than Helena’s character being “important dead guy’s daughter,” most of the main characters are charismatic enough to keep your attention during the 3% of the movie when fights aren’t happening. It must suck for Ninja Gaiden fans that Hayabusa is depicted as a total dweeb, but he at least gets to do some cool stuff here and there.

The movie also has Kevin Nash playing a character based on Hollywood Hogan and he’s so likeable that I’m genuinely bummed that he peaces out about halfway into the movie. Luckily, the movie is entertaining enough that I didn’t even notice until after it was over. It helps that during that time, we get more of Eric Roberts, his amazing hair, and his special sunglasses that turn him into the ultimate martial arts master.

Spoiler alert, but the secret to defeating him is, get this, removing his sunglasses!

4. MORTAL KOMBAT LEGENDS: SCORPION’S REVENGE (2020)

It took a while, but Warner Bros. Animation is on fire these days. After that Batman vs. TMNT movie and Teen Titans Go vs. Teen Titans, the studio appears to be hitting more than they miss. That’s exactly the kind of team needed to put together the latest animated Mortal Kombat movie.

This is the umpteenth retelling of the first game’s story. Not only does it have to compete with the first live-action movie, but also the events of Mortal Kombat 9, which depicts the tournament in cutscene format. Fortunately, Scorpion’s Revenge has a few tricks up its sleeve. First, it puts Scorpion in the forefront as the protagonist. He was barely a character in the original movie and the game just had him kill Sub-Zero and feel bad about it for the rest of the story mode. Now he feels like a character in a crossover, making a mark on the original story instead of being put in the sidelines.

We also have the wonderful stunt casting of Joel McHale as Johnny Cage. More importantly, Jennifer Carpenter plays Sonya Blade, which is such a step up from Ronda Rousey’s voice acting in Mortal Kombat 11.

This cartoon has a very hard R when it comes to violence. From the very beginning, Scorpion’s origins are gruesome and grisly. Once Jax is introduced, it doesn’t take long until we realize, “Oh, that’s how they’re dealing with THAT plot point in this continuity.” Then there’s a surprise villain death late in the movie that not only comes as a shocking development, but it’s so graphic and nasty that you can’t help but be taken aback.

Scorpion’s Revenge is a fantastic first chapter of what is hopefully a series of animated movies, but it does have its pacing issues. Scorpion being the protagonist may be a welcome change, but at times it does feel like a square peg being crammed into a round hole.

3. TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE (2011)

One of the best things about the Tekken series is the endings. While the cutscenes from the first couple games haven’t exactly aged well, these CGI epilogues have become a staple in nearly every installment. What better reward for your time and success than watching a rocking action sequence with Yoshimitsu and Bryan Fury killing each other in the jungle?

And so, to play to the series’ strengths, Bandai Entertainment released a Tekken movie that’s really just one big ending cutscene. It’s not canon, but it feels at home with the games.

Since Tekken’s main conflict is with two ruthless megalomaniacs (Heihachi and Kazuya) and a disgruntled nihilist (Jin), it’s hard to treat any of them as a real protagonist here. Instead, they go with Ling Xiaoyu, who is portrayed as the person who sees the good in Jin and wants him to see the light. She’s given a robotic BFF in Alisa Bosconovitch because Xiaoyu is kind of a tame character and needs someone with chainsaw arms and a jetpack to liven things up.

The first hour or so is good enough to keep your attention and its lightened up by a couple appearances by Tekken’s best character, Lee. But once it gets to the third act, it just becomes a completely awesome Heihachi vs. Kazuya vs. Jin fight, with Xiaoyu taking a backseat to watch all the crazy shit going on. It’s a full-on fireworks factory, as we not only see Devil forms of Kazuya and Jin but a very special final form for Heihachi that’s a true delight for Tekken fans.

2. STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE (1994)

Let it be said that for someone who grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, finding a faithful cartoon adaptation of a video game property was not easy. Link and Simon Belmont were unlikable sexual harassers. Mega Man was a more annoying sidekick than Scrappy Doo. Mario and Luigi teamed up with Milli Vanilli. Power Team was…a thing. When we got an animated movie based on Street Fighter II, it was mind-blowing. This was a movie where the very first scene was Ryu tearing Sagat’s chest into a bloody gash thanks to a well-animated Shoryuken.

There’s a lot going on in this movie, but at the same time, nothing is going on. By this point, there were 17 characters in the various Street Fighter II games, and outside of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Akuma cameo, it feels the need to include every single one of them. Some get minor roles, like Cammy and Dee Jay. Then there’s Zangief and Blanka, who fight each other for no reason other than for the sake of giving them something to do. Even Ryu vanishes for a huge chunk of the runtime.

Once everything funnels into the third act, this movie is great. And the earlier fight scenes are straight fire too, including the memorable Chun-Li vs. Vega brawl. Even though the movie already feels true to Street Fighter II, it’s even better when you realize that it’s all supposed to be a prequel to the game itself.

Or at least I hope so. Otherwise, all Sagat gets to do is get his ass kicked by Ryu and get chewed out by Bison.

1. MORTAL KOMBAT (1995)

The stars truly aligned for this one. Mortal Kombat Mania was at its peak, so it makes sense that this movie was a retelling of the first game’s story with added aspects from the second game, all while hyping up the arcade release of the third game. CGI was such a novelty in Hollywood in the ’90s that even if it looked primitive, it still looked cutting edge at the time. It was the perfect time to release this movie.

But Mortal Kombat isn’t perfect. Reptile is embarrassing. Scorpion and Sub-Zero being relegated to goons still stings. I still roll my eyes at the part towards the end where Sonya is suddenly the damsel in distress and Raiden flat-out verbally buries her by saying she couldn’t beat Shang Tsung in a million years. Otherwise, it’s the perfect storm of ‘90s action garbage.

There are so many over-the-top and charismatic performances here. Johnny Cage, Raiden, Shang Tsung, Kano, and even Goro are a blast to watch. All 10 characters from the original game are given something to do and, most importantly, they realize how uniquely weird the game’s story is and actually dive headfirst into it. The movie isn’t embarrassed to be a Mortal Kombat movie but handles itself well enough that we aren’t embarrassed to be watching a Mortal Kombat movie.

Even with a PG-13 rating, the movie was violent enough. Kano talked up seeing a pile of frozen guts in the wake of a Sub-Zero fight, Scorpion got his skull sliced apart with demon brain goo spewing all over the place, and Shang Tsung got impaled to death.

With the reboot being rated R, going for the gore could very well be the right route to go, but for the love of the Elder Gods, don’t forget to have FUN. All I’m saying is, if even Johnny Cage isn’t hamming it up, then what’s the point?

The post 10 Best Fighting Game Movies appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2Qf5EPa

[ooh-shiet-holland]

Going Down

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/n has her friends over and Tom and her play a little game. Later, a small, harmless confession leads to more.

Warnings: SMUT, cursing (??)

lol this sucks, but it was fun to write!!

"And then she just kicked him square in the nuts!", you choked out, as another round of laughter filled the room. You had invited your friends, Harrison, Tony, Zendaya, Jacob, Harry and Tom over, because you hadn't done anything together in the longest time. Tom was here, because he had to go back on the set of his latest movie and Harry was visiting one of his friends.

You held your stomach, the deep red coloured wine splashing on the wooden floor as your hand, that was holding the glass, was shaking uncontrollably. You're sober-self would've probably sprinted to the kitchen to get a napkin, but you just muttered a small "Oh shit", while still laughing hard.

You were just telling everyone the story of how Tom got turned down by this girl at a bar a few weeks ago. The story wasn't even that funny, but the amount of alcohol in your system made it sound like the funniest thing you ever heard.

"Well, if you women just can't appreciate the effort of a desperate, yet cool dude, trying to make conversation, then I can’t help you." ,Tom stated proudly, shrugging before raising his drink to his lips. He was acting all chill, but deep down you knew he was mad at you for bringing the story up.

For you, Tom had always been a little more than just a very good friend. Everytime you saw him walk towards you, your heart skipped a beat. When you talked to him, you tried to be yourself, but there was something about him that just made you act differently. But you learned how to be more you in front of him over time. The both of you also went out pretty often... Just as best friends though. You kept telling yourself that it was just crush, but it had been going on for the past two years, so you didn't know if the word 'crush' was still appropriate in this situation.

"I honestly understand this girl! Your pickup lines are, like, the worst I have ever heard. Sorry not sorry, man.", you confessed taking another sip of your drink.

"That's not even true! I'm not that bad at talking to girls!", he argued and another ripple of laughter ran through the group, started by Z and Harrison, who were holding their stomachs at this point.

"Good one, mate.", Haz got out.

"Wha- Alright, but it's not like y/n is better than me at flirting.", he said, crossing his arms.

"Excuse me? At least I don't end up getting kicked out of the place!", you replied chuckling and hearing everyone else burst into laughter again.

"Dude, what could you possibly have done? ",Jacob asked.

"Alright, before we keep making fun of my inabilty to pick up girls, you tell me your best lines and I tell you mine, darling.", Tom challenged you. And you were very much up for It.

"You go first.", you said.

"Are you a cake? Because I want a piece of that.", he said confidently.

"That.. was.. .", you began.

"Eh.",Z said.

"You wanna go bowling? I'll give you a chance to pin me.", you winked at him.

"Nice one.", Harry remarked.

"Thank you."

"I hope you know CPR, because you're taking my breath away."

"You can do better than that, man!", Haz criticized.

"Do you want to go to In-and-Out for burgers or just in-and-out of me?"

You earned a roar of laughter for this one.

"Ohoho, so we're gonna go down that road?", Tom asked, chuckling,"Babe, are you an elevator? Because I wanna go down on you."

"Tell me your name so I know what to scream tonight."

"I like every bone in your body, especially mine."

"Boy, are you a trampoline? Cuz I wanna bounce on you."

"You know what would look good on you? Me."

"Ugh, so basic." Tony said, rolling his eyes at Tom.

"I think we heard enough. Judges?", Harrison said, getting up from the floor and turning to the others.

They all whispered something to each other and then nodded, before Harry rose from the couch and opened his arms. "We were all quick to agree on who won this thing. Congrats, y/n!" ,he announced.

"HA! What'd I tell you?", you said, triumphantly.

"Oh, that doesn't prove anything.",he moaned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Whatever, man. I won..", you mocked, taking another sip from your glass.

The rest of the night was spent with the boys discussing the latest episode of 'Love Island" ,you and Z talking about guys and dating in general and your plans for the future. After a few hours everyone left, one after one.

Tom was the last one. He said he wasn't in a rush to get back to his hotel and you gladly invited him to spend the night at your place, because it was already pretty late (and because you hoped something would happen between the two of you..).

He helped you clean the mess you all had made in your living room. While gathering half empty glasses and stacking up plates, you both shared a few laughs remembering times when the whole group went out together and some of when just both of you went out together. Finally, you recalled the events of the night.

"Tonight was really fun. Congrats on winning, by the way. Even tho mine were better, but ya know..", he mumbled the last part under his breath and the sarcasm in his voice made you laugh.

"I really liked the one with the going down." ,you admitted, chuckling.

"Really?", he asked, looking at you while drying the glasses you gave him.

"Haha yeah."

You looked up and just now realized how close your faces actually were. You started into each other's eyes for a moment, before he suddenly put his lips to yours. It took you a second to realize what was happening, but before you could kiss him back, he pulled away.

"I'm sorry for just doing this.", he said out of breath, "It's just that.. I have liked you for a really, really long time now and I-" , without letting him finish his sentence, you put your hands on his neck and attached your lips to his again. He eagerly kissed you back and used his hands to roam your body, which was curving into his.

You began moving around the kitchen, not seeing where you were going. He pushed you against the counter and your hands found his hair, tugging at it lightly. He had his on your waist and was now moving the both of you towards the living room, accidentally stumbling over the stool you used to reach the top shelves. After a short laugh, you continued to get to the couch, still kissing desperately. You felt the couch against your leg and lied down with Tom on top of you.

He stopped, breathing heavily.

"So.. you liked the one where I was talking about going down on you?"

You bit your lip and nodded, looking up at him.

He sat up on and spread your legs, still holding your gaze. You watched him slowly pull up your black dress and carefully strip down your damp lace panties, thanking god that you chose to wear them tonight. He threw them on the floor and put his hands on either of your thigh, lightly spreading your legs wider.

"Look at this. So pretty.", he said, licking his lips, which only made you hornier.

His face disappeared between your legs and the only thing you could see now was his hair. Grabbing it lightly, you were getting ready for what he was going to do to you.

The sensation caused by his tongue running down your wet folds, made you close your eyes and whimper in pleasure. Your free hand grabbed the side of the couch, fingers buring into the soft cushion. He moved deeper into you and tilted his head, before putting your leg up on the couch to get a new angle.

The things he did to you made you repeativly moan his name and arch your back, signing him to keep going.

After a few seconds of telling him that what he was doing felt so good, he also began using a finger on your clit, bringing you to the edge.

"Tom, I'm-I'm so close.. shit! ", you screamed out. He kept going, until you finally reached your climax and your body began to tremble.

Tom ran his warm tongue through your folds again, before pulling away. He sat up and both of you were heavingly breathing.

"You, uh, wanna go to the bedroom for round two?", he asked, looking down at you and running a hand through his messy hair.

You also got the hair out of your face, which was sticking to your sweaty forehead, before sitting up on your elbows. You intentionally didn't close your legs to let him have another look at what was awaiting him.

"If you want to." ,you answered, trying to sound innocent.

He picked you up and walked you over to your bedroom, before putting you down on your bed. You looked him up and down, before pulling your dress over your head and lying on your bed with only your bra on. He didn't take his eyes off your body, while impatiently taking off his shirt, pants and finally his boxers, revealing his erection.

He joined you on the bed, as he began kissing you passionately, but you broke the kiss a few seconds later.

"Lie down. It's your turn now." ,you told him, smirking.

He obeyed and you kept admiring all of him.

"Where do you keep-"

"In the drawer."

You watched him lean over, get one out, rip the package open and roll it onto himself. Then he lied down and waited for you to take control of him. You climbed onto him, legs on either side of his hips, before bringing your hands to your back to quickly unclasp your bra. You threw it to the side, before running your hands over his stomach and lowering yourself onto his large member. You immediatley threw your head back and both of you moaned at the feeling of him filling you up so perfectly.

You started to slowly move up and down on his cock. His eyes were shut, while his mouth was wide open, your name repetitively leaving his lips. You switched to rocking your hips back and forth, earning more moans from Tom.

The sensation of him inside you had you rolling your eyes back, as Tom was watching you and telling you how gorgeous you looked.

You picked the pace up a little bit, your hands now resting behind you on his legs.

You looked down at him again and saw him keeping his eyes on where your bodies met.

"Fuck, y/n, seeing my dick disappear inside you like this is so fucking hot, keep going."

You began moving up and down again, but faster now, your breasts bouncing on your chest. Tom's eyes were glued to them, as he started to message them firmly.

"You feel so good around me, y/n, fuck. Don’t stop, princess.", he breathed out.

Hearing him call you 'princess' turned you on even more and you changed from moving up and down to circulating your hips.

His hands left your breasts and were now on your hips, guiding you.

"Fuck, you're so big, Tom."

You felt goosebumps all over your skin, when you felt his index finger rubbing your sensitive clit, bringing you closer to your second orgasm.

"Tom, I'm gonna-"

"Yeah, me too."

He continued rubbing circles on your clit and after a few seconds you screamed out in pleasure, feeling your walls and breasts swell and Tom cum inside the condom.

You stayed in the position for a while, loud breathing from both of you replacing the moans from just moments ago. Finally rolling off of his sweaty body, you pulled the covers up, still trying to catch your breath. Tom quickly disposed the condom in the bin next to your bedside table, before climbing in next to you.

"That was amazing, love.", he said, putting an arm around you.

"You have no idea how long I have dreamed of this to happen.", you replied, resting your head on his chest and grinning.

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had an overall good day, and that tomorrow’s a good one, too!  I see that Mo was looking particularly majestic today.  :D  Not enough to make that message make sense, but still.  (Perhaps Florida Man misunderstood the idea of looking for pussy?…)  (Sorry, that was terrible, but I’m tired and brain fuzzy rn. XD )

I’m absolutely loving all the previews for the cabin fic.  OMG, my body is ready.  XD  Oh no, he got coated in snow…will they have to perhaps CuDdLe FoR WaRmTh?…  Oh no, one of the chairs has to be used to prop the door…will someone perhaps have to SiT In SoMeOnE’s LaP?…  XD  I’m not sure precisely why you think you’re going to hell for this fic, but the majority of ideas I can come up with indicate that I’ll likely also be there riding shotgun on the way, so at least you’ll have company?…  I’ve been fighting off the urge to do a holiday Peter/Noah to fit in with my existing one-shots, or a DILF Club holiday fic where the entirety of the plot my brain can come up with is “and they snuggled in front of the tree”, because I’m trying to keep ahead in my other fic, but between the endless Christmas music at work and the fact that it’s finally consistently cold here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold out.  XD

I also love how everyone seems to have the thought that Noah had run-ins with Peter when he was still a deputy.  (I have some ideas for this in the dating fic if I can ever get the freaking scene that it would be relevant for.  XD )  And I agree with most of your ask meme stuff about them, too.  (I can’t do Noah/Natalie, though, because even though I KNOW it’s fiction, my brain just starts yelling “TOO CLOSE TO RL!  TOO CLOSE TO RL!”, and I can’t make it stop.)  And yes, omg, my kingdom for some adorable single dads fic for them!  I am reminded of one of my “probably not going to ever do anything with it” plot bunnies spawned by some comments on a car commercial Ian did a few years back, of all things, where Peter moves back home with his young daughter Malia (maybe also with Liam, because I feel he fits just as well/even better as the lost Hale child), who ends up befriending Stiles, which is how he meets widower Noah.  And then maybe they’ve started dating or maybe they’re still in the flirting stage when suddenly his ex, Chris (yes, THAT kind of ex), moves back to town with his daughter, newly divorced.  And now we’re in a Hallmark movie romcom where he has to decide which one he wants to take a chance with.  (Will he eventually realize that there’s an amazing third option?  Maybe after they get snowed in or otherwise trapped somewhere together.

On a related note, a concept:

Some random dude on the street:  Man, FUCK THE POLICE!

Peter and/or Chris (without thinking):  I’M TRYING!

The pack members also there at the time: …

Noah (nervous, confused, and flattered):  …uh, wut?…

Stiles:  …wait, what?…

Peter and/or Chris:  …fuck…

Noah (still vaguely nervous, very confused, yet deeply flattered):  …you know..that could probably be arranged…

Stiles:  …wait, WHAT???!!!…

Also, that post of Seb Stan from a few days back got me like “Jesus, fuck, I need him in a Luke Skywalker movie, like, yesterday."  And I’m glad you liked the truly random ass Avengers thing my brain came up with.  I literally have no idea where the thought came from, but I thought it was hilarious (and I knew you’d appreciate the shippy angle, because they are exactly those types of assholes.  XD )

I’m sure there were other thoughts I had, but work’s been busy enough lately that I’ve got semi-permanent cotton candy brain (sugar spider brain?) lately.  I hope you get some decent rest (I know that’s been an issue lately), and that tomorrow is a good day!  Best vibes for whatever you choose to work on, if anything!  Take care!  *Hugs to you both!*

Hey B, mo’s def being his usual majestic self. But yeah that def didn’t warrant that message. (And I will not share the thoughts of; he’s not getting my other p*ss* either) 

I feel like we’re just about as awful when it comes to these jokes tbh XD.

Oh no, Noah got wet and cold and his shirt is wet now and that will have to come off at some point.

Also, sad, but Peter is near fire and that gives him anxiety/is very triggering for him, he needs a distraction.

Oh no what ever will we do. 

I also made Chris trans in that fic. No particular reason, just because I could. I mean I have a few story things I want to get done in universe, but I could have done that in several ways and I just went- this one, Chris is trans is the road I will go on.

But yeah after 3K I’m finally starting to get to the smutty part and it’s glorious.

Permission to use this idea for the cabin fever universe (with credit)

On a related note, a concept:

Some random dude on the street:  Man, FUCK THE POLICE!

Peter and/or Chris (without thinking):  I’M TRYING!

The pack members also there at the time: …

Noah (nervous, confused, and flattered):  …uh, wut?…

Stiles:  …wait, what?…

Peter and/or Chris:  …fuck…

Noah (still vaguely nervous, very confused, yet deeply flattered):  …you know..that could probably be arranged…

Stiles:  …wait, WHAT???!!!…

Because that’s the funniest shit I’ve seen all day XD

Also, yes, this is a wonderful bunny and I hope this gets written someday <3

And yes, omg, my kingdom for some adorable single dads fic for them!  I am reminded of one of my “probably not going to ever do anything with it” plot bunnies spawned by some comments on a car commercial Ian did a few years back, of all things, where Peter moves back home with his young daughter Malia (maybe also with Liam, because I feel he fits just as well/even better as the lost Hale child), who ends up befriending Stiles, which is how he meets widower Noah.  And then maybe they’ve started dating or maybe they’re still in the flirting stage when suddenly his ex, Chris (yes, THAT kind of ex), moves back to town with his daughter, newly divorced.  And now we’re in a Hallmark movie romcom where he has to decide which one he wants to take a chance with.  (Will he eventually realize that there’s an amazing third option?  Maybe after they get snowed in or otherwise trapped somewhere together.

Malia and Liam as siblings is just pure chaos waiting to happen though, poor Peter XD

And I can’t really remember the other thing I wanted to say, but I just wanted to let you know that your messages have helped me a lot tonight and I love you my friend. <3 

Hope you’re doing okay too since I know you’re in a lot of stress too. Lots of hugs from and Mo <3

[ghostyprince]

“I paid $40 so I better die.” with shyan, PLEASE

I’m sooo glad you asked for this!! I saw that one and I was like o h that’s Shane. This got so fucking long compared to what I was planning to write lol. I hope you like this, thanks for the prompt Nini!

[Read on AO3]

Dread settles over Ryan as soon as they pass the entrance of the haunted house. It’s something new and albeit a bit expensive, only available for about a week in this part of LA, a special little thing to put everyone in the mood for Halloween that’s approaching rapidly.

So when Shane brought up the idea that they should check it out Ryan agreed without hesitation. He loves everything spooky, after all. Loves the adrenaline rush of watching a classic horror movie, or walking into a dusty old place with a history he was spilling over, deep in hours upon hours of research.

Still, appreciating the scare after he’s safe and sound in their hotel room, or stumbling into Shane’s arms lately after the shooting of a particularly difficult to deal with episode is very different from experiencing the damn thing right at the moment with all of his senses and nerves on fire and on edge.

He scoots closer to Shane, just barely, like he’s being all smooth and nonchalant, like the place doesn’t scare the living shit out of him already, but he still has some pride left, goddammit.

“They weren’t kidding in all those ads, huh?” He asks just to break the silence as Shane takes his hand. He reads Ryan so well, he always does.

The warmth of Shane’s big hand on his, their fingers twining together eases something inside him. They officially stepped over the line they’ve been tiptoeing around for months, years even almost a week ago now, but Ryan’s is stomach still does a little flip when they touch each other like this when Shane smiles at him like Ryan is something precious.

“Looks about as most locations we’ve been to. Maybe a little dirtier. But then again, it’s fake dirt so it doesn’t count.”

“I read someone got a heart attack while trying to complete this.” Ryan goes on as he starts walking finally, even though his legs still feel incredibly heavy and his fight and flight senses are yelling at him to get out.

“That’s probably bullshit! I’d say that too if I’d own the place, people love a good story.” Shane scoffs as he squeezes Ryan’s hand, there is a hint of encouragement in it.

It doesn’t do much to ease his mind as he’s trying to make out anything at the end of the hallway, it being just dark enough to fuzz his vision and make shadows and shapes form, taunting him. Regardless, Ryan appreciates the sentiment.

“Say what you want dude, I already feel like I’m on the edge of a heart attack and we barely walked two minutes.” Ryan laughs, it sounds nervous and a little hysterical even to his own ears. He can’t believe he’s losing it already from a poorly lit grimy corridor.

“I paid $40 for this shit, so I better die.”

“Shane!” Ryan wheezes again and the icy grip on his heart lets go just a tiny bit. He sees Shane smiling like he always does when Ryan laughs at his jokes, there is a lazy satisfaction to it and he looks almost proud.

Especially when he’s about to freak out and Shane pulls him back from the edge with a little quip that’s not even that funny but it’s familiar. It says I care about you and I want to take your mind off the thing that scares you or I’m here and nothing bad will happen, everything is okay.

It’s one of the many reasons why Ryan is so in love with him.

They take a turn at the end of the hallway where nothing was waiting for them, thank fucking god. Although, the dead quiet that’s only interrupted by their footsteps might be slightly worse.

About half-way through this nightmare place Ryan never ever wants to experience again, he had to realize Shane didn’t pay $40 to die. He paid to have Ryan cling to him for thirty minutes straight and he seemed completely okay with that. The bastard knew what will happen all along.

Despite that, Ryan wasn’t complaining either, he’s been tightly pressed against Shane’s side like they’ve been glued together, They’ve been walking like that ever since a clown with the creepiest facepaint he had ever seen just leaned out of a window right in front of him. Shane laughed like it was the funniest thing he’s ever seen and Ryan refused to even touch him for a whole three minutes until another guy started getting uncomfortably close.

They’re still barely twenty minutes in and Ryan’s shaking, clutching at Shane’s denim jacket as he’s desperately trying to think of anything else but the thin, pale girl following them for more than ten minutes now. Ryan heard the quiet footsteps that belonged to none of them and almost shit himself when he glanced behind and spotted her. She almost looked normal, like she could be a guest too if it wasn’t for her zombie-like appearance and dead eyes. She was a damn good actor, that’s for sure. The constant looming presence of her behind them puts Ryan on edge as nothing else did before.

But Ryan thought that’s probably the point. It’s a very good scare tactic and he honest to God thinks this is the best use of 40 bucks he could ever spend.

Shane’s long arm wrapped around his shoulder proves to be a good distraction, just like the occasional small kisses he presses into Ryan’s hair. Ryan is hot, probably sweating profusely, he’s gonna be all gross when they finally emerge but Shane’s a warm solid presence next to him, reminding him that everything is okay as long as Shane’s there.

Shane pulls him close when Ryan jumps a little too much after an actor gave them a good spook, startling even Shane, but he takes it like it’s barely anything and Ryan admires that, even though he doesn’t quite understand it. He’s dating a fucking demon.

“I don’t know how you do it. How am I the only one freaking out here?” He says softly, painfully aware of how thin his voice is.

“I am too, a little,” Shane admits. “But I’m also too preoccupied with keeping your heartrate just low enough so you won’t die on me and your little ghost won’t get stuck in a place like this. It’d be depressing.”

“Well, you’re doing a good job.” Ryan lets out a shaky laugh and then stops dead in his tracks. He was about to tease Shane about admitting to the existence of ghosts when he felt a cold hand at the back of his neck like someone was slowly dragging up a finger from his spine to the base of his skull.

It couldn’t have been Shane, his arm is currently wrapped around Ryan’s shoulders, rubbing tight little circles on his upper arm. And when Ryan realizes that, he fucking lets out a yelp, yanking a very startled Shane down with the motion of hooking his arms around his neck.

“What-? What happened?” Shane doesn’t hesitate for a moment to envelop him in a tight hug, sounding actually concerned now.

“Something touched my neck! I felt it. Fuck this, I cant- I hate this place, we need to get the fuck out, Shane.” Ryan can barely form a coherent thought, the words just stumble out of his lips, nearly drowned out by the pounding of his heart in his ear.

Two big, warm hands cup the sides of his as Ryan blinks once and then twice, finally seeing Shane clearly in front of him, goofy smile and all, but eyes full of concern.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Shane asks, lips twitching when he uses the nickname like he didn’t quite mean to say that, it just happened. Which seemed to be a theme when it comes to their relationship, Ryan thinks.

Ryan didn’t mean to throw all his previous fear out the window and kiss Shane at the office party celebrating the end of another amazing and successful season. It just happened. The cocktails he had certainly helped, but it’s been building for a while, and it didn’t matter they both were a little tipsy.It didn’t matter that Ryan squarely missed Shane’s lips and ended up pressing his lips against his chin because Shane’s too goddamn tall and can’t take a fucking hint to just lean down when Ryan is finally brave enough to make a move on him.

To be fair, Shane did, eventually, only for both of them to start laughing against each other’s lips, hardly doing any kissing at all.

But it was surprisingly easy to ask him out after that and take the same bed in their shared hotel room, tangled up, being brave enough to do so now, going to sleep with the promise of dinner together the next day. Just the two of them.

And that’s the thing, everything is so easy with Shane around, even calming the fuck down when something that didn’t quite feel human for sure touched Ryan’s neck.

Ryan wraps his hands around Shane’s wrists, Shane’s hands are still on his face, his thumbs gently stroking Ryan’s cheeks, always so so patient when it comes to calming him down and Ryan’s heart flutters happily.

“Yeah, sorry. Got a little lost in my head. Did you just call me sweetheart?” He asks with that special smile of his that’s only for the occasions of teasing Shane. It works every single time flawlessly.

“Apparently, I did. Any complaints?” He raises his eyebrows, in a challenge, just what Ryan expected. Ryan responds in a way he would’ve done the exact opposite of many years ago. He would’ve laughed and pushed him away, mumbling some nervous half-joke about Shane being weird. Right now, however, he’s pulling Shane down once again, kissing him shamelessly.It’s messy and desperate, probably at least a little inappropriate for the time and place, but it’s a distraction for his frayed nerves.

“No complaints here, big guy.” Ryan murmurs before giving him a last peck on the lips, satisfied with the slightly stunned phase he left Shane in. He wishes he could see him flush. “We should go, I’m okay. Let’s fucking finish this bad boy so I never have to think about this place ever again.”

Ryan’s legs almost give in relief as the last hallways start to get a little brighter than the rest of this terror maze. They made it, they reached the end. To celebrate that fact Ryan stops and pulls his phone out, trying to find the perfect angle that captures them both.

“Are you taking a selfie with me right now?” Shane laughs, brightly, eyes crinkling and there it is, Ryan quickly takes the photo. It’s perfect. “You were hyperventilating not even five minutes ago.” Shane points out, one hand slipping around Ryan’s waist, a move that became natural for them both quickly, that’s evident by the way Ryan melts against him immediately.

They’re stumbling out into the sunlight, their positions making it a bit difficult to walk, but none of them wants to let go. They’re flying high in their honeymoon phase, often annoying their friends and co-workers, but it’s nothing new, really, they’ve been doing that ever since they’ve known each other, getting lost in their little bubble way too often. It’s just a lot grosser now, as TJ kindly pointed it out after their latest Post Mortem.

Shane’s lips curl into a big grin and Ryan can feel the warmth of his face where it’s pressed against his shoulder when Ryan angles the screen so he can see it. The picture of them in Ryan’s Instagram story, captioned with ‘we’re finally out of this hellhole. my boyfriend is the devil.’

Calling Shane his boyfriend publicly gives him a bigger rush than any haunted house or horror movie in the world could. He guesses Shane feels the same if the tightening of his arms around Ryan’s waist and the big kiss pressed onto the base of his neck mean anything.“It wasn’t that scary, you know. Could’ve been worse.” Ryan says after they’ve finally started walking away, hands joined, lazily swaying between them. He laughs bright and loud at Shane’s incredulous expression and how he sputters, calling him out immediately.

“Why the hell were you freaking out then, huh? Wasn’t that scary my ass…” He huffs, slightly shaking his head, like he just can’t believe this guy.

“Alright, that lady following us was fucking creepy. Maybe she was the one who touched my neck.” Ryan reaches up to brush at the spot on the back of his neck. He can still feel it. Shane frowns at him though, quietly and looking very confused. It sends a chill down Ryan’s spine, dread gripping at his heart again when he says the exact thing Ryan was afraid he’d say. He didn’t even notice they both stopped walking.

“What lady?”

“What do you mean what lady?! She was following us for like ten minutes straight! Don’t tell me you didn’t notice her.” His voice goes high, and he feels like he might throw up and Shane has the audacity to shrug, infuriatingly nonchalant.

“Huh, must’ve missed her.” He says and starts walking again, leaving Ryan frozen in place for several seconds before having to run to catch up with those ridiculously long legs.

“Shane, don’t fucking do this to me, you had to have seen her! You fucking asshole!” He adds when Shane only answers with a delightful laugh.

[sharysisnhmoonshadow]

10 Questions:

Tagged by @anomalous-appliances ❤️ sorry for the wait, my answers were LONG!

1. What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you? I’ve had . . . A lot of weird shit happen to be honest. Depends on your definition of weird, and what you’re willing to believe. A few of the oddest are mentioned below.

2. Have you ever had any kind of supernatural experience? I have had several. Used to live (briefly) and spend a lot of time at a friend’s house that was haunted when I was very young. Our moms were best friends and there were four of us kids, all one to two years apart. All of us, plus several other visitors, all had encounters one way or another. The house came with rules, but otherwise whatever occupied that house was easy to coexist with. If anyone is interested I can get more in depth, but that’s a post unto itself.

More recently, several years back, my boyfriend Josh and I were donating things to a local thrift store. One of those items was a glass vase that we had set down on the pavement (donation center was outside) as we waited for an employee. The vase slid a foot by itself on an upward slant. Needless to say, we dropped our stuff off and beat a hasty retreat. It took me MONTHS to go back to that thrift store.

3. What kind of pets do you have/want? I have one black Betta fish named Gavin (named after my favorite asshole from DBH), had one gold mystery snail (RIP Roomba!), and of course my baby girl Caeli, aka the Monster. Caeli is a 14 year old ½ Arabian horse (almost a pony, she’s barely 14 hands tall). I always wanted a horse growing up, and I got Caeli when she was just seven months old. Taught her everything myself! She will be my first and last horse. Josh agreed to buy her for me as an early Valentine’s Day present. ❤️

4. Favorite place you’ve been, and why? Monterey Bay Aquarium. It’s my happy place and where I go when an emotional or spiritual recharge. I don’t even need to go with anyone! I’ll pick a day and then get up early and make the drive solo. There is nothing more magical than walking through the Open Sea exhibit while listening to Phildel. The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History is also amazing! (Only been once)

5. What’s your current fandom, and what other notable ones have you been into? Currently into DBH hard. I also love Assassin’s Creed (I have a story planed for that. I have four chapters written and a 5,000 word story outline. It’s a daunting undertaking), and of course I love SPN! I read a lot of MCU and HP as well. Yu Yu Hakusho (way back, Kurama was my first Cosplay). Transformers (G1, the first Bayverse movie only (even then it’s love/hate), and the Bumlebee movie). My favorite OCs come from my TF/SPN crossover series Disregarded. My main character Jodi is also the first asexual I have ever written. 🥰 I’m also being dragged (willingly) into the Witcher fandom by all the amazing content people have been putting out! (Now I’m two episodes in and I love Geralt’s relationship with his horse, and Jaskier is just adorable)

6. Favorite fanfic trope (it’s a good question!)? OOOOOOooohh, I love so many? I’m a sucker for soulmates, time travel fix its, and found family in a wide variety of flavors. I’m weak for characters being fiercely protective of each other, and love nothing more than hurt/comfort as a result. Give me fluff, and angst with a happy ending! Also love a well written Sentinel/Guide AU (never seen the source material but I love when the mechanics are applied to fics, and there are some fantastic fics out there!)

7. What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you? Josh and I were at a red light, discussing an upcoming anime convention. We were excited and did this little synchronized dance with alternating fist pumps to the air. We look over and this stone faced biker on a Harley was staring at us. This guy was like a living stereotype. Skullcap. Sunglasses. Big beard. Biking leathers. Light turns green and he guns it, and then cuts in front of us. This dude lets go of his handlebars, does our fist pump dance and then roars away on his bike. We were dying in hysterics! We still love telling that story!

8. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? Soursop smoothie. This was delightful if you’re a fruit lover (spoiler, I am!). I have also had Sweetbread, and I am not a fan (it’s not sweet and not bread).

9. Combine some animals into a new creature. What would it be? When I was in elementary school I was asked to create my own creature for a habitat. I was assigned desert. The resulting critter was this wolf/cheetah/hyena thing with webbed paws, long ass legs, Ginormous ears and a weaponized tail. I called it a Carthage and I still want one So BAD!

10. What’s your favorite thing to cook/bake? Cook- Taco Salad. It’s easy and my repertoire is tiny! Bake- pumpkin chocolate chunk cookies. It was a baking improvisation that turned out delicious! I’ll happily offer the recipe if anyone is interested! And Adult Butterbeer! (Aka a bottle of cream soda with 1 ½ shots of butterscotch schnapps!)

Now, what to pick for my questions? Hmmm.

Favorite fanfic trope? ( it really is a good question!)

Favorite dessert, and/or favorite breakfast?

Ever been to a convention and/or festival? It there’s a lot then what was your favorite?

Your ideal form of transportation or dream car?

What’s the most outrageous hair you’ve had?

Urban living or wide open spaces?

What fictional character would you genuinely want to meet?

Favorite holiday?

Beverage of choice?

Favorite extinct creature? If none, then favorite Pokémon! 😉

(No Pressure!) Tagging: @berry--blonde @ausp-ice @ilikechampagne @its-a-lisbee @the-horny-bisexual-spaniard

Anyone who feels like playing really! Fun if ur bored. Not pressure!