#the first one is just promotion and the second one is. literally just a parade

[down-with-the-mafia]

grooves. dude. I love you. why do your movies suck

[statementlou]

https://www.tumblr.com/louisupdates/754934426217152513/goodbye-faith-in-the-future-world-tour-272024?source=share

did he or did he not lose fans then?

I will answer this because this anon actually brings a concrete question to the table rather than just "hurhur but you're a larrie??" (tell me you can't actually refute any of our points…). Anyway this post shows the decrease in Louis instagram followers between the screenshots taken directly after the release of Faith in the Future in Nov '22, when he changed his bio to promote that album and the tour tickets, and now, when he changed it again to mention the current release. But I'm putting that response under a cut because I'm tired of the actual POINT of all this nonsense getting lost in a sea of made up things people insist are important:

There is no rational argument you can make to say that Louis has less fans now than he did 2, 4, or 6 years ago. You don't need a spreadsheet of details you need to USE YOUR EYES! He has gone from filling theaters to filling arenas and stadiums. His second album made a higher chart position than his first album. His festival has doubled in size EVERY year of its existence. And for that matter: his insta post engagement numbers remain about the same (despite the fact that older posts should have way MORE likes due to having been there longer, even aside from follower counts.) SO WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HIS INSTA FOLLOWER NUMBER???? Serious question: what does the word "fans" mean if these things aren't what matters? ALL of this quibbling about what he should do to make things better and people can't even see that THINGS AREN'T BAD.

Anyway to address the specific question- (con't......)

NO- HE DID NOT LOSE FANS. HE LOST SOME INSTA FOLLOWERS. THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. As I said above, literally what does it mean to lose fans if that number change coincides with him having higher sales, more audience members, and higher engagement than ever before? Whatever he lost ISN'T FANS. I wouldn't be surprised if a significant factor was something like a bot purge, but also yes: I'm sure a lot of casuals followed him around the time of his big album release and later unfollowed him. That's extremely normal because that's how casual engagement works, and why the definition of fan really matters. Louis and his team understand this and have referenced it repeatedly, talking about how lucky he is to have *us* specifically, to have the kind of dedicated fanbase he has, to have the KIND of fans he does who will allow him to do what HE wants. @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram named the issue of depth vs breadth with regard to fans a long time ago, and pointed out why having DEPTH is so much more important. It's like this- artists who are on top 40 radio have more numbers on things like insta follows, and for a time on sales and tickets. But those aren't FANS- they're people with a casual interest. And as soon as that person isn't being forced in their ears 10x a day, those people lose interest and stop supporting them, stop buying stuff and unfollow, and those artists end up doing the 'opener on the jingle ball' circuit rather than their own tours. One Direction as a whole, and Louis maybe most of all or near to at this point, have something MUCH MORE VALUABLE than that- DEPTH FANS. Louis has fans who will support him even if he takes years to release music, or stops parading around with a pretend girlfriend to stay in the headlines at least once a month, or completely changes his image and genre, and that is UNHEARD OF. It's ASTONISHING and worth SO MUCH MORE. And they get that! THAT is why he always bragging about us, why industry people he works with are always so agog about us, why he will do anything for US- not for randos. He is also growing his breadth- and it's OBVIOUSLY WORKING whatever his follower counts are, but that is always going to be secondary to doing things for THE FANDOM because that is his sustainable business model. That is what keeps him onstage and reaching number one. And not coincidentally, the things they do are also working to grow that- much more valuable- commodity. So the fact that that's exactly what these chuckleheads complain about- that he does things that are just fandom facing or serving rather than everything being aimed at recruiting casual fans- does nothing but betray how completely they, unlike Louis and his team, misunderstand the actual drivers of his (actual, existing, happening) success. Luckily for Louis, he and his team rely on their own data harvesting (they do a LOT of it) and growth metrics (they're off the charts) rather than the smug assumptions of random (mostly quite new to this) fans and the few bitter people leading the complaining about everything Louis does.

[libra-stellium]

Visiting my Astrocartography Mars/MC line for a week

This is the description from astro.com which sounds like a great place to visit for me right now because I’m trying to either get promoted at my job or get a new job soon or both lol

For some reason people really hate their mars line???? All I kept seeing was people saying how horrible it was when they lived on it or visited it 😭😭 I was like damn I had great expectations! I only saw one short YT video saying how they love living on their mars line and have been more active physically and socially. I heard someone say that the second they got off the plane they were just angry lmao which is hilarious to me like you were just angry at nothing??? 🤣 and I also saw stuff about how aggressive men were and they hated it lol I don’t think the ones I saw said what their mars placement is and what aspects they have but honestly even if we had the same exact ones I think it may be about perspective and what you’re used to lol

I have my mars in Scorpio in 9H. I have Mars trine saturn in pisces and mars trine ascendant in pisces so no harsh aspects.

A general theme for this week was very mars like bc I did Knott’s Berry Farm, Disneyland and Universal and visited so lots of walking and action the entire week!

Sunday - literally at the plane doors when I landed in LA a male flight attendant pretend to grab my leftovers from my hands like “oh is that for me? Thank you so much!” 😂😂 I was like oh this is the aggressive men on the mars line! But I just joked back at him lol

Monday - I broke EIGHT nails!!!!! 😭😩 one was like 🙄 but by 4 I was telling my bestie “would you believe me if I told you another one is gone?” And she knew immediately that I was talking about my nails 🤣 none of them broke too far down so it wasn’t painful and I don’t think my mars line “made” then break lol I think they were weak and being held together by my nail polish so when I took it off bc it was chipped my nails were like “it’s time to let go” 😩 everyone was super nice so nothing else happened that day! I didn’t bring my work phone with me so who knows what was happening at work 🤷🏾‍♀️

Tuesday - i feel like there were some aggressive people throughout the day but not directed only at me lol bc it was the park workers at Disney just being like THIS IS A WALK WAY ONLY KEEP MOVING when we stopped to take pictures of the parade. I also found out that the shoes I wore the day before gave me a blister on the bottom of my toe which was so painful

Wednesday - I feel like this was the most mars line day tbh bc I got my period that morning and I did “surgery” on myself 😂 bc of where my blister was I had to pop it safely (TMI incoming) so I doordashed a first aid kit and a sewing kit and I sterilized the needle and drained the blister and it’s insane how the pain was gone right after that! Then I went to go visit the Observatory to see LA and the Hollywood sign and that was really cute but then a bee flew into my friend’s hair and she was freaking out and I’m allergic but I could see it so I had to do something so she didn’t get stung! I used my phone like a paddle and beat it out of her hair and it fell on the ledge in front of us and I pushed it off 😩 then we went to In-N-Out and some guy tried to take my order for his friend lol I was 7 and his friend was 12 and he was like oh I thought you said 12…..🙄 also on the day to the observatory I realized that I had a lot of requirements to fulfill before I could renew my bar license 💀 I deadass thought I just had to do the CLEs and pay but I have to find a mentor too?? 😩 so I was listening to the CLEs on the long car rides.

Thursday - Another Mars/MC day because I was listening to more CLEs during car rides and I looked up who I could email and ask to be my mentor! I was at universal that day and nothing major mars like happened lol and honestly idk why aggressive men was something that people emphasized bc they were all really nice to me 😂 even the Grinch! This girl did have an attitude towards me while we were watching a show bc we were standing there for 30 min and she shows up and tries to stand in front of me and I’m 4’11 and she was at least 5’5?? And she motioned for her bf to come stand in front of me too and he refused and told her to come back and she was brooding the rest of the show 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ After that our Lyft driver was so nice bc the app sent him to a different location than where the park told us to go get rides and he came and found us instead of canceling! 💕 and his car was so nice and smelled so good!

Friday - traveling day! Again dealing with really nice men 😂 bc I was in line for this place to get coffee and a pastry and the person skipped over me bc she couldn’t see me and the guy behind me was like “someone’s down here” 🤣🤣 and then later this other guy was just making small talk with me while we waited for our stuff lol but the cashier??? Who was a girl literally told me she wasn’t “spelling all that out” when I told her my name and spelled it out and she said I would have a nickname for the day 💀💀 my name is 5 letters long lmao she shortened it to 3? Like okay I guess?? 😂

Now I’m home and I checked my work phone and nothing happened while I was gone but today they sent an email congratulating the intern (who was there for 4 months and is still in law school) for accepting an attorney position in our office and I’ve been there for 2.5 years and it did make me feel some type of way bc 🤔🤔🤔 no one offered even after I got barred but they offered it to the person who hasn’t completed the degree yet and doesn’t have a bar license yet…?? I have been trying to get out so 😂 I’m not toooooo mad bc also that’s not the field of work I want to be doing long term but idk it’s the principle lol also I don’t remember which day but I saw something about the federal cost of living being increased for 2024 and I think fed govt employees get a pay increase bc of that?? I’m hoping that contractors like me do too!

Overall: Mars/MC line was a fun little time and productive trip! I feel like if you’re quick to anger I can see where you’d end up being really angry on your mars line but I just be looking at people in disbelief tryna figure out what possessed them to act like that towards me and then I just laugh and move on lol I didn’t like LA that much it was way too crowded for me omg but I’m not a fan of New York either and I feel like they’re similar 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would definitely go back and visit other parts of California tho!!

[waitimcomingtoo]

The Proposal ~ T.H

chapter five: the truth

Synopsis: fake marriage, real trouble

Series Masterlist

Before Harry could walk away from you, you grabbed his arm and pulled him into your room. You threw him down on the bed and blocked his path to the door.

“We need to talk.”

“Hm.” Harry looked at you innocently. “What about?”

“You know my secret.” You said, unamused.

“I do.” Harry smirked. “And I have to commend you, honestly. Marrying someone just to stay in the country? You must really love your job. I’ve been fired from 7 different fast food restaurants for not showing up to a one hour shift. You’re pretty dedicated.”

“How do you know about that?” You gasped. “Did Tom tell you?”

“Nope. I figured it out.” Harry said proudly as he tapped the side of his head.

“How?” You raised your eyebrow.

“One thing I know about my brother is that he can’t keep a secret.” Harry shrugged. “The second you so much as called him something other than “assistant”, I would’ve heard about it.”

“Your point?” You folded your arms.

“My point is there is no way he started dating you and didn’t tell us.” Harry stated. “And it’s not like you guys are very good at hiding that you’re not a couple. Mum and dad don’t realize because they’re too swept up in the excitement of it all, but I see everything. Every time you swat his hand away or remind yourself to look interested, I saw. I knew something was up from the first day.”

“Well how did you know about the reason for our marriage?”

“Oh, I knew that because my room is right next to yours.” Harry said simply. “And you guys yell a lot. Literally, it’s like all you talk about.”

You rolled your eyes at Harry, but he wasn’t done making fun of you.

“Wah, I feel bad. Wah, don’t feel bad. Wah, I hate lying. Wah Wah Wah.” He mimicked your voices. “Like, we get it. You’ve fallen in love with our family and can’t bear to lie to us. Boring.” He faked a yawn. “Don’t you guys ever talk about sports or the local news? A missing dog from down the block was found today, but you wouldn’t know that, would you?”

You rolled your eyes at his jokes before grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling him close to your face.

“Listen, curly.” You growled. “Tom and I have a lot riding on this so I need to know that you’re gonna keep your mouth shut. Are you gonna tell your parents?”

“No.” He said as he stared at you in fear. “That would make them liable if this all goes to shit.”

“What about you?” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You could get in trouble for knowing and not stopping us.”

“Then do me a favor and don’t get caught.” He said. You looked Harry up and down before releasing his shirt, deciding that he was trustworthy.

“We’ll try.” You mumbled as you smoothed your clothes.

“He likes you, you know.” Harry told you. “That part isn’t fake.”

“I like him too.” You said quietly as you avoided his eyes.

“You better.” Harry stated. “Don’t let my brother go to jail, okay? He’s too pretty for jail.”

“He’s a little pretty.” You smiled shyly.

“Yeah, well, he’s spent the past two years calling home to tell us how much he admires you.” Harry rolled his eyes. “He’s your biggest fan, Y/n. Don’t let him down.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you need to be the person he thinks you are and let him out of this deal.” Harry’s tone got serious. “There’s still time to end this whole thing. I’m sure you can find another bloke who’d do anything for you and use him for citizenship. Just leave my brother out of it.”

“He agreed to this.” You said quietly. “I didn’t make him do anything.”

“He agreed because he’s in love with you, Y/n.” Harry sighed. “He’d do anything for you without zero hesitation. “You know that and you’re taking advantage of it.”

“I’m not trying to take advantage of him.” You defended. “But I needed a husband and he wanted a promotion. It’s a win win.”

“The promotion doesn’t mean anything if he got it for doing you a favor. And when that sinks in for him, he’s going to hate himself. And he’ll hate you too.” Harry insisted. “He’s been working his ass off for that promotion and you’re only giving it to him so you don’t get deported.”

“That’s not true.” You protested. “He was always going to get the job.”

“Okay. Then forget that part.” Harry shrugged. “Let’s talk about how you’re playing with his feelings.”

“What?” You scoffed. “I’m not playing with his feelings.”

“Aren’t you?” Harry titled his head. “You knew he liked you. And now you’re parading around like you’re his wife and I guarantee he thinks you’ll still like him once all of this is done. You’re letting him think he has a chance with you so he doesn’t back out of the deal.”

“He...he does have a chance.” You said quietly. It was the first time you said it out loud, but it was true. If Tom wanted to make the fake relationship real once your marriage was official, you wouldn’t exactly be opposed. All the small moments; him giving you his shoes, giving you his bed, kissing him when no one was around, and all his selfless acts of kindness were adding up. He wasn’t who you thought he was, and the person he turned out to be was someone you were seriously falling for.

“He better.” Harry stated. “Because if he ends up in jail or with his heartbroken, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Your heart sank as Harry’s words made all your guilt come flooding back. Every time you had qualms about lying to Toms family, Tom assuaged you by telling you they’d never find out. Now that Harry knew about the deal, there was nothing keeping you from feeling guilty.

“Look, I really like you, Y/n.” Harry said when he noticed your sad expression. “And I want you to be part of the family. But only if it’s for the right reasons. If you’re just using us for citizenship, then I want nothing to do with you. And once everyone finds out the truth, they won’t want you either.”

You felt tears come to your eyes as you realized he was right. You had grown to love Toms family, and going through with this marriage meant you’d be selfishly using them for your own benefit. A tear rolled down your cheek as you were faced with a tough decision. If you stayed, you could marry Tom and keep your job. If you left, you wouldn’t have to lie to a group of people who treated you with nothing but kindness. You opened your mouth to speak, but found yourself with nothing to say.

“Harry, Y/n.” Dom’s voice rang from the kitchen. “Breakfast is getting cold.”

“Think about it.” Harry squeezed your shoulder before leaving the room. You waited a few seconds before following him into the kitchen. Tom immediately noticed your ghastly expression when you sat down at the kitchen table. He had been nervous to see you after the makeout session in his bed, but now he was just concerned.

“Are you all right, love?” Tom asked as he squeezed your hand. You blinked a few times and looked at him, feeling all your guilt come back. You picked up Toms hand and pressed a long kiss to the back of it, making him look at you curiously.

“I’m fine.” You forced a smile. “We’ll talk later.”

You went straight to your room when you finished breakfast after telling Tom that you needed a minute alone. A few tears had slipped down your cheeks once you were alone, knowing the fantasy of staying in the country with your new family was over. You jumped a little when you heard something outside your door, followed by the sound of footsteps departing. You opened your door to find a bowl of cut up strawberries on the ground, with Nikki’s perfume still lingering in the air.

“Nikki?” You called out, and she came back.

“Hi, sweetheart.” She smiled warmly at you. “I wasn’t sure if you were in there. Do you like strawberries?

“I love them, thank you. You didn’t have to do that.” You said as you picked up the bowl.

“I just noticed you looked a little upset at breakfast.” She explained. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

You looked down at the bowl of strawberries and sucked in a sharp breath, feeling overwhelmed at the simple act of kindness.

“I’m okay.” You said weakly. “Thank you for the berries.”

“Of course.” She cupped your face and wiped a tear with her thumb. “Follow me. There’s something I want to show you.”

You silently followed her into her bedroom and ate some of the strawberries as she disappeared into the closet. After a few minutes, she came out of the closet with a long white gown in her hands. It’s was simple, made of silk with braided straps. Your eyes lit up at the sight of it and you quickly set the bowl down.

“Oh, Nikki.” You gasped. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s yours.” She smiled eagerly. “Go on. Try it on.”

“I can’t.” You said quietly. After the conversation you had with Harry, you felt wrong trying on her wedding dress.

“Please?” She asked hopefully. “It would be an honor to have you wear it when you marry Tom.”

“All right.” You reluctantly agreed. “I’ll try it on.”

Nikki beamed in excitement before handing you the dress. She clapped her hands happily as you disappeared into her closet. You shut the door and slipped the dress on, the way it fit you perfectly making you feel even worse. After zipping it the best you could and smoothing it out, you left the closet.

“Oh, you look so beautiful.” Nikki put her hands over her mouth. “It’s perfect on you. You look enchanting.”

“Thank you.” You said as you looked down at the dress. “It’s beautiful. Thank you for letting me wear it.”

“Wait here.” She clapped her hands again and went under her bed. She pulled a box out and set it on the bed before opening it up. Inside was a delicate white crown and long, tulle veil. Nikki placed the crown on your head and adjusted the veil so it perfectly framed your face. She backed up to admire her work and clasped her hands under her chin.

“There.” She grinned. “Now it’s perfect.”

She walked back to you and turned you around, letting your view yourself in the mirror. Her hands continued to play with the veil as you stared at yourself. You’d never seen yourself in a wedding dress before, you never even imagined wearing one. The combination of the proud look on Nikki’s face and the sight of yourself in the beautiful dress made your face scrunch up in pain.

“Oh, honey.” She cooed as you began to cry. “It’s okay to be emotional. I cried the first time I saw myself in it.”

You turned around and let her mother you, allowing her to wipe your tears with her hands. She was so excited for the wedding, and all you could think about was how much it would crush her if she found out the truth.

“Thank you. For everything.” You told her. “I know it’s only been a few days, but you’ve really made me feel like part of the family. I really appreciate everything you’ve done.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” She smiled. “Anything for my daughter.”

You sucked in a sharp breath when you heard this, making a fresh tear fall from your eye.

“No ones called me that in a long time.” You smiled sadly.

“Sweetheart?” She asked.

“Daughter.” You answered.

Nikki looked at you fondly before pulling you into a hug, comfortingly rubbing your back. You squeezed your eyes shut and hugged her back, assuming that that would be that last time.

“I always wanted a girl.” She said as she stroked your hair. “Heaven sent you to me.”

You looked up at the ceiling as tears fell from your eyes, feeling sick to your stomach with the guilt. When you pulled away, you sheepishly wiped your tears and gave her a smile.

“Um, I better change before Tom sees me.” You said. “I don’t want any bad luck.”

“Smart girl.” Nikki patted your back and sent you back to the closet. You changed out of the dress and gave it back to her, excusing yourself as quickly as you could.

You rushed back into your room and got your suitcase out from under the bed. You began to hastily throw your clothes inside, tears making your vision blurry. You didn’t hear Tom come into the room, not noticing him as he watched you pack.

“Y/n?” He spoke up. “Is everything okay?”

“I can’t do this.” You said without looking at him. Your tears and breathing were becoming hysterical and Tom realized you were having a panic attack.

“Hey. It’s okay.” He put his hands on your shoulder to stop you from packing. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” You laughed sadly. “I’m gonna ruin your family like I ruined mine. And I’ll ruin you too.”

“Woah woah woah.” He pulled you into a hug. “It’s okay, darling. Nothing is getting ruined.”

“Yes it is.” You cried into his chest. “I roped you into this mess and now you’re stuck committing fraud and getting married to someone you don’t love.”

“I’m not getting married to someone I don’t...” Tom trailed off when he realized he might be saying too much. You were too busy trying to catch your breath to hear him as you began to pace the room.

“You’re just getting nerves about the wedding. I’m sure all brides worry about committing fraud two days before their wedding.” Tom tried to lighten the mood with a joke. “Don’t worry about me, okay? We’ll figure this out together.”

“Stop doing that.” You snapped as you continued to pace.

“Doing what?”

“Being nice to me!” You cried. “I have never been nice to you.”

“It’s okay. It’s-“

“It’s not okay.” You cut him off. “I never would’ve done this for you. I wouldn’t even call you by your name.”

“Why are you freaking out? What happened?” Tom pulled you back towards him and rubbed your shoulders.

“Your mom cut up fruit for me.” You said through tears.

“That’s what’s making you freak out?” He asked. “Because she cut up fruit for you?”

“Tom, she left it outside my door.” You stressed.

“So? That’s what moms do.”

“I know that’s what they do. But she did it for me.” You cried. “And your dad let’s me use his lucky golf ball and I have inside jokes with your brothers and your grandma texts me memes she sees on Facebook.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see what the problem is.” Tom said calmly. “Why are these things bad?”

“They’re not.” You sobbed. “They’re good things.”

“So why are you upset?”

“I forgot, okay?” You shrugged sadly. “I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” He tried to understand.

“What it feels like to have a family.” You whimpered. Tom looked at you in confusion as he stopped rubbing your arms.

“What?” He asked quietly.

“I forgot how it felt to have someone teach you what they know and love you and miss you and hope to see you at the holidays.” You dry heaved. “I haven’t felt that in years and it’s all coming back and I can’t handle it.”

“Hey, shhh. It’s okay.” He pulled you into his arms again and held you tightly. “How could you forget those things? What about your mom?”

“My mom is dead.” You whispered against his chest. Tom stiffened at your confession but never loosened his grip on you. He continued to rub your back and let you speak when you were ready.

“We got in this fight one night because I was being a bitch like I always am and I ran out of the house.” You gulped as you tried to catch your breath. “She drove around looking for me but it was raining really heavily and she couldn’t see where she was going and this truck-“

“It’s okay.” He cut you off. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.”

“I ruined her.” You whispered. “I ruined our family.”

“Shhh. I got you. You’re okay.” He mumbled as he stroked your hair. You sniffled a few times before pulling out of Toms arms. You looked at him sheepishly as you wiped your tears and snot.

“I’m sorry.” You said weakly. “I didn’t mean to dump all of that on you.”

“You didn’t dump anything on me.” He assured you. “I told you it’s okay to open up to me, remember? You can tell me things like this. I’m going to be your husband, after all.”

“Thank you.” You smiled weakly. Tom smiled back and reached out for you again. You let him pull you into a long hug, allowing his warmth to comfort you.

“I’m so sorry about your mom.” He said before kissing the top of your head. “I had no idea about any of this.”

“And I had no idea that you had your mothers eyes or your fathers handshake.” You pulled away suddenly. “Or that all of your brothers have the exact same smile. You were never a person to me before all of this. But now I see you have this whole life outside our office and I’m no longer okay with messing it up.”

You fully pulled away from him and went back to your suitcase, throwing the rest of your things inside.

“Why are you packing?” He worried. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going back to Canada.” You said without looking at him. “I can’t use you like this. I can’t ruin your life.”

“You’re not ruining my life.” He came up behind you and tried to stop you. “My family loves you. They haven’t been this happy in years. And we have a deal, remember? You’re not using me if this benefits me too.”

“The deal is off.” You shook your head and zipped up your suitcase. “I can’t risk you going to prison for me.”

“Why not?” Tom began to panic as you went for the door. “You had no problem with it last week.”

“That was before I started falling in love with you, Tom.” You raised your voice suddenly.

You and Tom both fell silent at your unexpected confession. Your eyes immediately dropped to the floor as his mouth hung open in shock.

“You-“

“Shut up.” You instantly cut him off. “I don’t want to hear another word from you”.

“You love-“

“Stop speaking.” You spoke loudly over him. “That’s an order from your boss.”

You tried to leave the room with your suitcase but he grabbed your arm to stop you.

“Y/n, wait a minute.” He said sternly. “We need to talk about this.”

“No we don’t.” You stated. “You’re dismissed now, assistant.”

“Y/n.” Tom tightened his grip on your arm without hurting you.

“Just leave me alone Tom.” You whispered. “You don’t want this. You don’t want me.”

“I love you too.” He said suddenly, making you drop your tough act. Your face softened as you stopped fighting him to leave.

“I love you too.” He repeated. “I fell too.”

Your gaze fell down to his lips, the urge to leave behind replaced by the urge to kiss him until you couldn’t breathe. You swallowed thickly before shaking your head at him.

“No.” You decided. “You don’t.”

“Yes I do.” He insisted. “I love you, Y/n. And I want to help you.”

“You’re only helping me so I make you editor.” You laughed sadly. “You don’t love me. This has nothing to do with me.”

“I do love you.” He promised. “I’m doing this so you stay in the country. We can’t be together if you’re all the way over in Canada.”

“So then we won’t be together.” You shrugged and tried to leave again.

“But I want to be with you.” He said sadly as he stepped in front of you. You looked into Tom’s eyes for a minute, hating the sadness that you put there. All he wanted to do was love you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him.

“You deserve a nice girl, Tom.” You said after a beat. “I’m not that. I’m not good enough for you.”

“I don’t want nice.” He said quietly. “I want you.”

“I want you too.” You told him. “But not if its like this.”

“But-“

“I’m sorry.” You said sincerely. “But I have to leave.”

You moved past Tom before he could get another word out. You walked into the kitchen with your suitcase, stopping in fear when Toms entire family stared at you in confusion.

“Where are you going, sweetie?” Nikki asked when she noticed the suitcase. “Is everything all right?”

You looked back and forth between all of them, feeling a panic rise again in your stomach. You didn’t expect them all to be there when you left, and that made it so much worse.

“I’m s-so sorry.” You stammered. “I have to go home right away.”

“Oh no.” Dom frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Family emergency.” You lied, wincing a little at the irony. “I’m so sorry. Thank you, all of you, for everything. These past few days have meant a lot to me.”

You looked around at everyone’s confused faces and dropped your bags suddenly, running right into Sam’s arms and hugging him tightly. You whispered a short thank you into his ear before moving onto Paddy. Then you went to Nikki, letting the hug linger as long as you could.

“Goodbye, Nikki.” You whispered tearfully. “Thank you for everything.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.” She said sadly as she rubbed your back. “Goodbye, honey.”

You pulled away from her and gave her a sad smile before hugging Harry.

“You’re doing the right thing.” Harry mumbled in your ear. You tightened your grip on him as a tear slipped down your cheek, knowing he was right. You pulled away and hugged Dom last, just as a tearful Tom came into the kitchen.

“We’ll see you once you get back, right?” Dom asked when you pulled away.

“I....I’m not sure.” You said weakly. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

You turned to pick your suit case back up, making eye contact with Tom as you did. You ran to him and threw your arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as you could.

“I’m so sorry.” You mumbled in his ear. “I wish things we’re different.”

You pulled away from him and picked up your suitcase, leaving without another word.

You caught a cab back to your apartment and collapsed on your bed as soon as you got home. You knew Harry was right about you doing the right thing, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. If you had it your way, you’d stay with Tom and his family and live in peace. The IRCC wouldn’t bother you and you could continue working your job with Tom as your editor. But of course, it wasn’t that simple. You’d have to get your citizenship the normal way and hope your job was still waiting for you when you got back to the UK. And hopefully, Tom would be there too.

When you woke up the next morning, you got ready to go back to your office. Slipping into your high heels after nearly a week of wearing Toms old tennis shoes made you feel the slightest bit back to normal. Your heels clicked underneath you as you strutted into your office, feeling relieved as the employees shuttered in your presence.

Before stopping by your office to pack, you stopped by the head of the company’s office for a quick conversation. You had a few things you wanted to say to Mr. Reynolds before leaving the company. After speaking with him, you went to your office to pack your things. You held your held up high every time you carried a box of your items to your car. You were about to carry the last box out of the office when you heard a knock at your door.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Toms voice sent goosebumps down your spine. You looked at him and gave him a tight smile, hoping to avoid any awkwardness.

“I was just leaving.” You said as he took another step into the office.

“Can we talk?” He asked as he stepped in front of you. “There was a lot I didn’t get to say yesterday.”

“Can it wait?” You asked. “I have a flight to catch.”

“A flight?” Tom sighed in disappointment.

“Could you just-“ you voice cracked a little as you forced out a smile. “Could you smile, please? I don’t want my last memory of this place to be of you frowning. I made you frown enough over the past two years.”

“You don’t have to do this.” Tom said sternly.

“I do.” You said, face sinking when the irony of the words hit you. It was technically your wedding eve, and you were spending it saying goodbye to each other. Tom felt the irony too and his eyes welled with tears. You gulped and turned away, not wanting to see him upset. You saw a stack of papers on your desk and were reminded of what you had done before packing your office.

“I almost forgot.” You picked up the papers and handed it to him. “Here.”

“What is this?” Tom asked without looking at the cover.

“It’s a wedding gift. I published your book.” You smiled weakly as Tom looked at you in disbelief.

“You what?” He gasped as he flipped through the pages. Sure enough, it was the book he had submitted to you.

“20,000 copies are being sent out to the public next month.” You continued. “It was one of my last actions as editor in chief.”

“One of your last?”

“After I published it, I stepped down from my position and nominated someone to take my place.”

“Who?” He asked.

“You. Congratulations, Mr. editor at a big shot publishing company.” You tried to smile. “Editor in chief, actually. This all belongs to you now.”

“Y/n.” Tom whispered as he stared at you with tearful eyes.

“You deserved this promotion without having to marry me for it.” You assured him. “It was always yours. I’m sorry it took me so long to give it to you.”

“I don’t want to work here if you’re not here.” He said as a tear slipped from his eye. He was very aware that this could be your last conversation for a while, and it was killing him.

“You’ll make a great boss.” You continued. “The employees deserve someone like you for a boss. Someone...nice.”

“Please, stay here.” He pleaded. “I don’t want you to leave. You just started letting me in. Don’t run away from me now.”

You looked at Tom for a minute before putting your hands on either side of his face and pulling him into a kiss. He kissed you back passionately, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time he felt your lips on his. You pulled away and pressed your forehead against his, sucking in a sharp breath as you inhaled his scent.

“I have to go, Tom.” You whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you doing this?” He asked as you went for the door.

“We had a few good days, Tom.” You shrugged. “That’s all. That’s not love. Not really. That’s just a few good days.”

“We could have more if you stay.” He pleaded.

“I don’t think love is something that should be messed with.” You said sadly. “Not like this, anyway.”

Tom didn’t say anything, instead letting his eyes stay on his manuscript. He knew he couldn’t look at you without breaking down, so he kept his eyes down.

“Goodbye, Tom.” You said softly. “I couldn’t have had a better assistant.”

“I would’ve been a good husband too.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” You laughed sadly. “I bet you would’ve.”

Tag List 🏷

@cocoamoonmalfoy @awesomebooklover17 @thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling @weirdr-artiest @serendipitous-amor @dummiesshort

@foreverxholland @lavender-writer @michaela072796 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101 @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention​ @justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @maryjanee23 @geeksareunique​ @emmamarshmellow​ @unbelievableholland @flixndchill @sovereignparker​ @thisisthebiplace @spideydobrik @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @fiantomartell @solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @smilexcaptainx @quaksonhehe @kelieah @kickingn-ames @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @spideyanakin @horanxholland @thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @heyheycharlatte @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @tomshufflepuff @cookiemonstermusic258

@maybemona @alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom @xo-spidey @big-galaxy-chaos @pandaxnienke @theincredibledeadlyviper  @thestylestour  @officialsimppage @mrvelscaptains @peterbenjiparker @itsemohours @okkulta @parkerlovebot @jungkxxkk @friendlyneighborhood-mendes @whatthefuckimbisexual @olixerwxxd @starkbrain @creatorofthegalaxy @ilovefrogs1000 @itstaskeen @wrendermeuseless @amazinggracy @iprobablyshipit91 @magicalxdaydream @whereismytelephone @theonly1outof-a-billion @leilanixx @namoreno @bi-lmg @dracoswhore007 @tomhollandloml @avengers-hamiltrash @sunshinepeterparkr @gh0stgurl @so-very-asleep @veryholland @white-wolf1940 @spideycheles @firwproof-blog @fanficaddict13125 @pinklxmonade @thebestqueenoftheworld @nowayhomeparker @willowestelle @imobsessedzs @spideyspeaches @bookfrog242 @hihiweezing @mathletemadison  @chipot-lol @mackenziejanine @dhtomholland @peterstommy @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @prancerrparkerr @aayaissaa @loudthoughts-softspoken @starknik22 @hallecarey1 @tom-holland-is-bae @adayasgeorgia

[forestkodama]

Okay, so, wanna hear a funny story?

A lifetime ago (for at least a chunk of tumblr's demographic), when the now beloved meme-source movie The Road to El Dorado was set to be released in theaters, DreamWorks decided to do some promotions. There was some standard tie-in fast food kid cups and booklets (do they even still do that?) but for this movie, someone decided to do something bigger.

"Hey," probably thought some eager mid-tier marketing director at DreamWorks, "This movie is about a quasi-fictional place in America called El Dorado. There are towns named for that place right here in America. Let's have an event at one of those towns!"

Now, in the United States, there are more than two dozen places called some variant of El Dorado. About half so are actual towns, most of which began as oil boom towns. In the year 2000, when this animated delight was made, the largest of these towns (El Dorado, Arkansas) had a whole 21,000 people. DreamWorks wanted to have a promotional event in an El Dorado and they had to choose from towns ranging from small to post-office-was-shut-down-in-the-60s-smaller to barely-holding-a-census-designation-tiny.

For whatever reason, the animation studio's marketing did not select the largest of these towns to get the most publicity for their buck. Instead, they selected the second largest town: Coming in at a whole 12,000 people, El Dorado, Kansas.

My home town.

In 2000, I was in eighth grade and a nerd. I was blossoming into a barely-worldly cinephile, and I knew that this sort of thing wasn't a common occurrence for our unknown town. I was also developing my taste for irony, because the fact that DreamWorks selected us was hilarious for another reason beyond the fact that we were tiny and unknown: We don't pronounce it El Do-rah-do. We pronounce it El Do-ray-do.

Word gets out that the studio is going to host a parade for the town around its premier in December. They will paint the town gold, literally: Gold streets, gold ornaments, gold lighting. The high school band would march in the parade in uniforms with gold trim. There would be a special ceremony that involved giving the mayor a bag of gold. All of this would be recorded as features to be seen as extras on the DVD release of the movie. This was back when DVDs were still a big deal. Cue me, in band but not yet in high school, being intensely jealous.

A day before the parade, I'm watching the news before school - I think on KAKE even though I liked KSN better - and DreamWorks has hired two characters actors as Tulio and Miguel to be interviewed by the news anchors. This was the first time I had ever seen Real Life versions of animated characters outside of Disneyland. Their clothes and haircuts perfectly matched their animated counterparts. They were flamboyant and wonderful and I hope wherever those dudes are now they are having a good life. They talk about El Dorado and the gold to be given to the city.

Everyone is really excited, or, at least, I am.

Then, because this is Kansas in December, weather happened: A tornado snowstorm. It falls hard and piles up fast.

And DreamWorks does not cancel the parade.

They continue to televise it.

Presumably this is the video that would get attached to the DVD.

The parade is set for the afternoon, and the snow continues as the high school band marches on. The golden streets of El Dorado have been buried under a foot of snow. The golden lights glow with auras in the gently falling snow.

I remember watching the beginning of the parade at home and thinking how not-fun it looked, but I still begged my grandfather to take me downtown to watch the gold-gifting ceremony. It was damn cold and the streets were absolutely awful with slush. (Years later, I would ask some upperclassmen what it was like to march that day, and the responses were unanimous: Fucking miserable.) The mayor was in a big coat on stage, but I remember the two actors playing Miguel and Tulio still in their Spanish-esque colorful shirts. They handed her a bag, presumably filled with gold coins (the rumored number ranged from 100 to 1000), and she made a little speech that ended with a quip about how for today our town was known as El Do-rah-do.

We all clap and then rush to get out of the cold and wet situation, entirely unsure of exactly what we just experienced.

Supposedly, the gold coins went to building the six-screen movie theater in town, since we only had the seasonal drive-in and a defunct two-screen. The city still hangs the gold decorations every December.

None of this ever appeared on The Road to El Dorado DVD. So few records exist of this bizarre promotional stunt waylaid by snow, it just doesn't exist outside of my hometown in Kansas. The Road to El Dorado is of course now famous for its characters and their relationships (cause fuck yeah bisexual and polyamorous representation) and a bit of a phoned-in soundtrack by Elton John (I still love Someday Out of the Blue), but I'll never forget the Snow Covered City of Gold Called El Do-ray-do.

[lokisasylum]

Investigate Spotify

It has come to our attention that Spotify has been filtering the great majority of the streams being made for Butter up to 47%. (Premium/Paid or not, they’re all being filtered as bots).

Whereas the other artist we are up against (who’s name i will not mention, but we all know who she is) has not only had little to none of her streams tampered with. But Spotify themselves have been shown to be the ones behind her massive promotions (literally every single one of her ads has Spotify’s logo on it). Spotify has LIKED all of her tweets.

An Army ( hannah⁷@hannahdulset96 ) has emailed Spotify to look into this issue with the streams and this is basically the response that she got:

My favorite line is “We can’t share the exact info on how streams are counted in order to prevent manipulation--” when they themselves are the ones who manipulate EVERYTHING. Hello Daily Mixes made and curated FOR US??

Also lets not forget THIS gem:

[ You can read the article HERE ]

What we want in transparency on WHY this is happening only to BTS NOW when back with Dynamite we didn’t have this problem. And the song had MULTIPLE versions.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?

First of all, don’t stop streaming. I know it sucks and it feels like you just wanna stop altogether (do take a break if you need it), but we can’t give up for the boys.

Second of all, if you can, go to Spotify’s Idea Board and let them know about this issue. We’ve come too far to back down and sit quietly, while antis are having a parade and making Armys look like we’re bitching because we can’t stand to see another artist strive when that’s not the case here.

There’s obvious foul play going down right infront of our noses and they expect us to say thank you for it. Well FUCK THAT.

[talkingtea]

So based on your own opinions and speculations, when do you think GG & CP started and when they ended? And can you explain using seasons instead of year (just to compare their on-screen chemistry and/or weirdness).

We’re just going to cut to the chase because we’re pretty much over trying to find clever ways to beat around the bush. But let us preface this ‘theory’ by saying if Candice was white we 100% believe that her and Grant would have dated publicly at the very least if not become one of the very highly publicized ‘It’ couples on the CW.

We think things between Grant and Hannah ended because he wanted to be with someone else. That someone else being Candice. As we’ve mentioned before we’ll never believe for a second that Grant basically blew up his life for someone like LA. We’ve seen the way he is around her and how he’s treated her since the beginning of their so-called ‘romance’ and it doesn’t add up. Even if he got completely blindsided and dumped by Hannah and decided to rebound we STILL don’t buy it. With that being said given the way he is towards Candice and has somehow managed to be consistently for years leads us to believe that he would blow up his whole life for a chance to be with her.

The problem with that situation is Grant, at the time, was probably at the height of his popularity. He was the Golden Boy of the network on the highest rated *family* show with a mostly squeaky clean image. On the flip side there was Candice who was very popular with her fans but beyond that, at that point, she wasn’t being embraced by the (racist) fandom or the media. So how would it look if Grant left his pretty, blonde girlfriend (and we like Hannah so that isn’t an insult) to hook up with his black co-star? Not good, let’s be honest, but that didn’t stop the rumors and speculations from starting to speculate.

Enter LA.

Ambiguously single Grant went from appearing to still be ‘connected’ to Hannah (even though those he paid attention back then knew they hadn’t been around each other in months) until she made it Instagram ‘official’ by unfollowing him the morning after the Golden Globes which, in turn, begin to fuel rumors about him and Candice. A week later—literally—a deflection AKA LA dropped out of the sky. And we knew of her existence almost immediately because of the Instagram bread crumbs Grant so graciously left us that led us straight to her page. Not suspicious at all.

So, LA, the physical therapist from San Fran that Grant refused to get off his and go visit dutifully left evidence on social media for MONTHS that would drive home the point over and over that Grant had something going on with her. And if he was dating her he couldn’t possibly be seeing anyone else...right? We’re only supposed to pay attention and believe what’s put in our faces repeatedly...and most did. Long story short LA comes across like she’s a beard only we don’t think Grant is gay. Grant found a ‘companion’ he can parade on social media to manipulate people’s perception of his life. And for the duration of his time on the Flash we think she’ll be in the picture. After that? Not so much.

As far as Grant and Candice goes we think they were HIGHLY discouraged from publicly dating. Privately though they could do what they want. And we think they did until the last few months leading up to Grant’s wedding which was the beginning of season 5. They shot episode 5 at the end of August that year. But for those that remember that was around the time those bargin basement engagement photos were put out (even though they had been taken in late March/early April) and not long after LA actually started following her wedding planner (even though they supposedly had been working together for months 🙄) and their wedding ‘season’ officially began. If you watch the episodes from six on the chemistry, when they did actually have scenes together, was off. Not bad, per say, just off. That easy, natural, touchy-feely (maybe too touchy-feely) chemistry they had was absent. Grant pretty much stopped promoting the show, and since that was their big Westallen family season, it was a bad look because it came across like he didn’t want to promote his black family...but we digress. Their off-screen relationship seemed rocky, at best, to the point that people had their doubts she even went to that wedding. Yes, we know Candice said she was there, but she must have got the hell out of dodge at the first opportunity because there has managed to be not one shred of physical evidence that she was there. But, again, we digress.

So the short version of this long winded answer is that we defintely think something was going on to some degree since mid Season two until the beginning of season 5. But given how Grant’s overly triggered ass still reacts to her we wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t extend beyond that. But that’s just our theory...

[woman-loving]

Transforming “Queer” into “Kvar”

Selection from "Queer Beograd Collective: Beyond Single-Issue Activism in Serbia and the Post-Yugoslav Space," by Bojan Bilić and Irene Dioli, in Intersectionality and LGBT Activist Politics: Multiple Others in Croatia and Serbia, ed. Bojan Bilić and Sanja Kajinić, 2016

Serbian LGBT activism has a relatively short history given that homosexuality was decriminalised in 1994. Soon after this routine revision of the penal code, which came as a surprise to the LGBT “community”,[5] the first gay and lesbian organisation Arkadija, operating from the early 1990s, was officially registered in July 1994. As the activist “scene” slowly differentiated, lesbian activists separated from Arkadija in 1995 to form a specifically lesbian non-governmental organisation, Labris (Mlađenović, this volume; Hura, this volume). It was this group that, inebriated by the ephemeral enthusiasm that followed the fall of Slobodan Milošević’s oligarchic regime in October 2000, misread the apparent “opening” of the political field and decided to stage the first Pride March in June 2001. The Pride—a feeling presumably “reserved” for other kinds of belonging in highly patriarchal environments—encountered an explosion of hooligan resistance and ended with around forty seriously injured activists (Bilić, 2016; Bilić & Kajinić, this volume). The then-Prime Minister Zoran Đinđić said in the wake of the event:

“I think that it is too early for a country that has been isolated for so long and under a patriarchal repressive culture to endure such a tolerance test. I am, of course, a supporter of tolerance in every sense and everyone is entitled to express their difference as long as they do not harm anyone else, and in this case there can be no harm because someone has different sexual affinities. That is the highest level of tolerance and I am afraid that we still need a certain period of time to reach it.” (B92, 2001, online)

The first attempt to stage a Pride March started the pairing of LGBT-oriented street protests with overtly homophobic aggression and inaugurated a chain of activist actions and immediate nationalist reactions sustained by the Serbian Orthodox Church. After the 2001 Pride, which became known within activist circles as the “massacre parade”, there was no initiative for Pride organisation in the following two years. In 2004, when the activists thought that the time was ripe for another attempt, they realised that they still could not count on political/state support and were yet again faced with homophobic threats, eventually cancelling the manifestation. In the words of Dušan Maljković (2013, online), a long-term LGBT activist from Belgrade:

“Forms of activism are often a local copy & paste of Western ones, which is very problematic because it implies a failure to consider the local context. This is the case, for example, of Pride parades, which many believe should be carried out like in the West at all costs, rather than reflect on how they might be reinvented to be made more effective.”

Queer Beograd Collective appeared in this context as a group of activists who decided to establish a safe haven in which the fluidity and richness of sexuality could be expressed and celebrated. A hamster with wings riding a bicycle was chosen as a logo because, as the activists stated (personal communication with Irene Dioli, 2009), “forming a queer collective in Belgrade was about as likely as finding a hamster with wings riding a bicycle”. They started condemning homophobic violence, which they perceived as a symbiosis of war,[6] clericalism, nationalism, militarism, and machismo that became deeply ingrained in the way in which politics was done by Serbian officials.[7] Accounting for the appearance of the Collective in their first Manifesto, issued in May 2005 as a “programmatic” statement of their first festival, the group members said:

“[…] the state and citizens are still ignorant toward problems of the LGBT population and all the others who are different. […] human rights are abused on a daily basis.

That is why this year we had a new concept—we refused to spend time on worries about violence that might happen and hiring private security or police. We wanted to build exciting cooperation between people on an international and local level, to have fun, and to promote queer politics. In this context to be queer means to refuse social rules and to constantly re-question supposed norms of patriarchal tradition. To create space beyond the rigid boxes of LGBT or straight sexuality, allowing each other the ‘privilege’ of self definition. To present a radical politics that sees the interconnectedness of all forms of oppression.” (Queer Beograd Collective, 2004)

The first “manifesto” introduced the concept of queer in its English original and announced that the initiative would attempt to offer a “holistic” approach to the frequent abuse of human rights by showing how various forms of discrimination stem from the same patriarchal nucleus. Over five days of the first festival, Do It Yourself, which took place in an abandoned building and gathered participants from Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, Macedonia, Germany, Austria, and the United Kingdom, there were numerous art exhibitions, film screenings, performances, concerts, and workshops as well as a self-defence training. This event, which can be considered the start of grassroots queer activism in Belgrade, ended with a street party in the centre of the city, symbolically marking an attempt by the activists to, at least temporarily, claim a public space without provoking violent reactions (Dioli, 2011a).

However, after the initial enthusiasm to put an end to the incessant lamentations about Serbia’s backwardness and exclusion from the world, it became clear that the physical safety achieved through the use of the term queer did not come without a price. The activists and their sympathisers continued to grapple with the concept, some of them believing that the lack of violence and a sense of empowerment produced by the first festival could become possible because “queer” masked their sexual identities, which needed a more explicit politicisation.[8] At the “Queer Beograd Party & Politics” roundtable, organised within the second festival that took place in December 2005 and which lasted for three days, one of the participants said:

“I would like to describe a bit why I predominantly don’t identify or name myself queer, but rather lesbian. […] For me, using this term—which more or less has an Anglo-American connotation—is very questionable. […] There are these western paradigms which are most commonly translated, not just translated but sometimes copy/pasted to other regions, but not the other way around. This is also often the case with the term queer. It is very questionable, what we do with this translating of the concepts.” (transcribed by Irene Dioli, see Dioli, 2011a)

Thus, in the wake of the first festival, activists understood that “queer” did not really feel at home in the Serbian sociopolitical context. Although it could serve as a “folding screen” that would for a little bit of time keep hooligans “in check”, the concept was not widely known either within the Serbian LGBT “community”, which was supposed to be addressed by and take part in the Queer Beograd Collective festivals. Bearing this in mind, Jet Moon, a performer and one of the group’s founders, said in December 2005:

“After our first festival in Beograd, we realised it’s not enough to try and stage a queer DIY festival in Serbia, because for a start no one knows what queer is! On the one hand this is useful because the fascists and homophobes don’t come to attack us, on the other it means we don’t make contact with the community of people we want to play with. We don’t want to make a new kind of closet, but we use the word queer for a reason, for us it means more than the right to freedom of sexual expression.” (Moon, Party & Politics Roundtable, transcribed by Irene Dioli, see Dioli 2011a)

The second festival, self-financed like its predecessor a few months earlier, brought yet another series of performances, movie screenings, parties, and theoretical discussions on gender, sexuality, politics, and art. It was organised and attended by activists and artists from the former Yugoslav states and their guests from the United Kingdom, Italy, and the United States. In contrast to the first event, which was supposed to acknowledge the presence of those who tend to be left out of the heteronormative paradigm, the second one was devoted to a closer engagement with the creative political potential of the concept of queerness in the Serbian/post-Yugoslav context. As a result of these discussions, the third Queer Beograd festival, which took place in October 2006, rounded the evolutionary trajectory of the concept of queer within the initiatives of this activist group by substituting it with the Serbo-Croatian word kvar, meaning malfunction. Thus, the “manifesto” of the third festival read:

“In Serbian there is no word that means queer, no way to say what we mean about queer being more than LGBT equality. For us queer means radical, inclusive, connecting to all kinds of politics and being creative about how we live in this world. So our new festival is called “Kvar”, a technical term literally translating to mean “a malfunction in a machine”, because in this world of capitalism, nationalism, racism, militarism, sexism, and homophobia, we want to celebrate ourselves as a malfunction in this machine. We dare to resist conformity and go against what is accepted to create something about living and justice, not false productivity, war, and money. We are happy to present to you “Kvar—the malfunction”, a festival celebrating diversity and freedom of sexual expression, celebrating everyone who fights against the system.” (Queer Beograd Collective, 2006)

Dioli (2011b) notes how the translation of queer as kvar preceded the publication of Judith Halberstam’s book The Queer Art of Failure, which questions conventional notions of success in a heteronormative, capitalist society. The choice of the word kvar, thus, becomes particularly relevant in the context of the so-called “queer asynchrony” and “temporal disjunction” that Mizielińska and Kulpa (2011) use to explain the relationship between Western and Eastern queer activisms. Although departing with a noble goal of “de-centring” Western sexualities, they stick to a Western point of reference that inevitably portrays Eastern European countries as lagging behind their Western “models” (Takács, 2013 ). With this in mind, “the Serbian queer movement may almost seem to have anticipated the times. This may help dismantle some stereotypes of ‘Eastern’ LGBT and queer movements running after ‘Western’ thought and conquests in a linear trajectory of development” (Dioli, 2011b , online). By opting for the word kvar, which, while being phonetically similar to the word queer, encapsulates the essence of their politics, the Belgrade Queer Collective activists showed how a foreign concept can be appropriated in the local context. “The local subjects found a brilliant synthesis on the linguistic as well as semantic level, and thus fully ‘localised’ the original term” (Dioli, 2011a , p. 164).

[dogbearinggifts]

The Return of Everyone: A Humble Theory from a Humble Fan

MCR have been doing their best to confuse us lately.

Through their blog Current MCR News, @frnko-mars and @fabfrnkie have done a superb job of keeping us all up-to-date on the frankly baffling posts to come from Instagram. Fans more versed than I in the Theban alphabet have interpreted posts that turn out to be even more cryptic once translated. Whatever the band is teasing, it’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma and coated in a layer of Teflon to keep us from really getting ahold of it. 

Except it might not be as inaccessible as you think. 

Because I, dear reader, believe I have cracked the code. The code, built of images just connected enough to spark an idea, disparate enough to leave us scratching our heads. The code they thought no fan could break. 

Until now. 

A note before I begin: MCR News mods, I tagged you because I link to and reference a lot of your content in this post. If you want me to remove the tags, let me know. To everyone reading this: Feel free to take this theory as seriously as you’d like. If you think it’s plausible, I’m flattered. If you don’t think it’s likely but it does make you laugh, wonderful. I’m glad to have brightened your day.

SO. In case you haven’t guessed, I think we’re in for more than a tour. The video I linked certainly seems to be advertising a UK tour in June, but we’ve gotten too much else along with it. Between the very good dogs and vaguely fruit-flavored sparkling water, we’ve been given a number of images and videos that seem too elaborate for a tour, too specific to simply be things Mikey likes. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been treated to….

This picture of a hospital, bearing an eerie resemblance to Black Parade promos, captioned with a vampire emoji

This guy, who could be a personification of Death or just a regular Joe who likes skull masks and cloaks 

A man who appears to have some sort of portal in his chest, an awesome  “Thank You for the Venom” tattoo, and two songs with intriguing titles

A video with serious Danger Days vibes, concluding with the letters DD and a symbol no one has volunteered to interpret

Much of this, as you’ve noticed, harkens back to prior albums. And it could be nothing more than that. This could be nothing more than a band, glad to be back and grateful to their fans for waiting, celebrating the music that brought them to where they are. However, remember the theme of their current tour? The one they’ve put on a T-shirt and plastered on promotional material? 

The word Return might not be important. After all, it’s what the band did. They returned, they announced a handful of shows and hinted at a few more. That could be it…..but what if it isn’t? 

Let’s return (ha!) to the images and videos I’ve linked. The connection between the hospital, tattoo, and car in the desert is obvious: they reference The Black Parade, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, and Danger Days—all of which, you might recall, are concept albums with plots and protagonists. But what of the masked man, the portal, and the song “Where You’ll Find Me Now”? Are those red herrings included to throw us off? Are the former three celebrations of the past and the latter three hints toward the future? Or all of them—album references, strange images, and the tour title—connected in a much grander scheme than we might have imagined? 

What if Return doesn’t refer to the band? 

What if Return refers to their albums’ protagonists? 

Look. I know I don’t have a ton of proof here. It’s less a conclusion drawn from overwhelming evidence and more of a hunch with some compelling evidence to back it up. And I know the things I’m using to back up this hypothesis could be taken any number of ways. But the connection is there, if you want to see it—a connection that only grows stronger when you consider the many references made to magic since their return (the sigil Gerard wore, the Theban alphabet, etc.). How else would the heroes of these very different stories, set in very different worlds, all be pulled together if not by some sort of magic? 

There’s one more piece to this puzzle, though: the UK flag flashing across the screen of the Theban alphabet “June” video. Now, as I pointed out before, this is likely their next tour location. But what if it’s more? The fact it’s combined with the Theban alphabet—which plays into the magic/witchcraft theme of much of Return’s promo material—and not embedded in a message written in a different sort of code makes me wonder if it’s not significant to their forthcoming material as well. It’s possible that the setting for this massive crossover—the central point toward which all our protagonists are pulled and at which they meet—is in the UK. Perhaps this point is a hospital, as hinted at in the vampire emoji post? 

So. The burning question is: What does all of this mean for us as fans? I think it can be summed up in a couple of points. 

First, this next album will be chaotic to the extreme. You have a bitter war vet dying of cancer (who is maybe also a vampire now? I dunno?) a bunch of (literally) colorful artists fighting a corrupt system through a radio station, and a guy who made a deal with Satan to get revenge on the person who murdered him and his lover. None of these stories mesh, none of them have clear links to one another, and putting them together is going to be so chaotic it might force scientists to revise their current theories. You know how Simon and Garfunkel sang about the sound of silence? This new album is going to be the sound of raw, unfiltered chaotic energy. 

Second, it’s going to be awesome. It’s going to be so awesome the word awesome doesn’t even describe it. Where their other albums carry parental advisory labels, this one will carry a warning from the Surgeon General: The sheer awesomeness of this album has been known to melt faces. Listen at your own risk. 

Finally—and perhaps most importantly—if all of our protagonists do indeed meet up in a hospital, then the staff are in for quite the surprise when a car full of Killjoys crashes through the cancer ward. 

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 22 ~The Tale of the Night Part One~

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!  

Claire's heart started to beat a little faster as their hired Bentley slowly inched closer to the Hilton Hotel Glasgow. They were following a long line of fancy cars waiting for their turn to pull up, step out and parade themselves. She felt Jamie's gentle squeeze on her hand, but it didn't help quash the feeling of apprehension. She'd promised Jamie to stand by him but seeing the throngs of excited fans and reporters behind the installed barriers, made her want to curl up in a fetal position and not leave the car.

"Sassenach, are ye alright?"

Huh?  She turned and looked at him and saw the worried lines etched on his face. She gave him a feeble smile. "I'm fine," she lied, trying to convince herself as well as him. "I know events like this draw crowds ... it's just that I didn't realise it would be as crazy as this. I-it's one thing seeing it on TV or pictures, but this ..." She leans forward and waves a hand, the frenzy screams and shouts, giving her jitters. "There's a bloody mob out there. It's insane!"

Jamie gently drew her sideways against him, tucking her in under his arm. "Some people from the movie industry will be there too, that's why. Events like this like to invite big names to attract the media. And Prince Harry will be making an appearance as well, most probably to promote the Invictus Games."

"Invictus wot?" she asked absentmindedly, her attention fixated on the excited crowd outside.

"It's a paralympic-style sporting event for injured military servicemen and women. It's a foundation launched by Prince Harry," he explained, following her gaze.

Only half-listening, Claire closed her eyes and tried to breathe normally, focusing on Jamie's hand on her arms. It helped a bit to soothe her nerves. For a split second of weakness, she thought of suggesting to let her slip into the back entrance and meet him inside the hotel lobby after his pap-walk but remembered her promise to stand by him tonight and dropped the idea. "Does this get any easier for you?" Claire asked, glad for the darkened windows that hid them from the flashing camera lights.

"What? This?" He puffed out his cheeks and blew out air. "No. The public looks like the giant scary monster, but truthfully, I dinnae mind the fans. The problem is the media. The media isnae journalism as ye know it anymore. They turn everything into a bloody circus show."

She shuddered, remembering her indirect first-hand experience with the reporters and how they've made her looked like the cheating fiancée and Frank, the virtuous, pillar of the society, who could do no wrong. "Tell me about it," she whispered.

"Stations and news will gobble up anything - the more sensational the story, the better, anything for the ratings. Ratings are everything. Ratings mean money and lots of it. Perhaps it really is just a matter of time before they're funding the nefarious for the consumption of the people. There's nae more moral compass, only the most immoral become the victors in this industry, and so on. Morality is for losers, winners are the ones who "pushed the envelope." He looked at her, and she didn't miss the subtle change in his demeanour. "As I told ye before, the tabloids will feed the public some shite by publishing pictures, and when it's captured at a right angle, it could be taken in any context ye want. The news' outlets delight on that because the fans can make up their own stories and they write articles based on their speculations."

"Has it ever happened to you?"

"What? Speculations? Aye. Many times. With my reputation, I'm fodder for other celebrities' publicist, especially when movies or projects need to be promoted. I tend to get used for that end. I'm not saying my reputation was a made-up lie. I'm not proud of it, but I own my shit. The problem with this industry is when ye want to use their platform or be part of it, be prepared to whore yersel' literally or figuratively." He lets out a short laugh. "Thanks to them and the publicity stunts, I've increased my followings on social media, which of course, opened other avenues such us modelling for big-name products even if I've never done that line of work before. The upside - it made me loads of money."

"So, you reckon the network will want something from you?"

"Aye, most probably. But ye'll have yer say in it, Sassenach. This is nae longer just about me," Jamie's mouth pressed into a determined line. "This concerns ye too."

"But, this job means the world to ye, Jamie."

He twisted around to face her, and his hand stroke her cheek. "Dreams and priorities change over time, Sassenach. Ye come first now because I'll need someone who will hold on to my soul in that crazy world out there. But I'm warning ye. If ye agree to let me take on the job, there'll be a lot of things ye'll not like and perhaps disappointments. Whatever happens tonight, I'll need ye to trust me in this. Ye dae trust me, aye?"

Claire squeezed his hand. "Yes, of course, I trust you." She nervously glanced through the windshield and saw there was only one car left in front of them before it was their turn to get off. "I meant to go over things with you, Jamie. What do you need from me out there?"

His face softened. "Just be yourself and smile. Ye dinnae need to answer questions from the press if ye dinnae feel like it. If ye do though, dinnae reveal anything personal and give them an arsenal for future use." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "And thank ye for being here with me. It means a lot."

She nodded and smiled weakly, still dazed from the surreality of the upcoming moment when they would step out as a couple. It was quite apparent they were both not looking forward to going out there, and for Claire, it was one hell of a circus show to go through just for a presenting job.

"Ye sure ye'll be okay?" Jamie asked. "There's still time to turn around if ye wish. There'll be nae hiding once we step out." His tone was guarded and tinged with concern. "I ken I asked ye to stand by me. But I can go out there by myself, present the award, listen to what the network has to say and if I dinnae like it, I'll leave, and we can enjoy Glasgow for the rest of the evening."

The suggestion was too tempting, and it would be an easy way out. But Jamie could lose out on his dream job because he would choose her. She didn't want that. Claire turned and saw him looking at her thoughtfully, earnestly waiting for an answer, as the ghost of past heartache resurrected in her head. When James Fraser loved, it was scary. The man put his entire heart out with the expectation that it would be crushed. Sometimes she worried at the way he looked at her and at the way she felt for him. It seemed too precious and too rare to explore knowing if it didn't work out between them, the heartache would be greater. If she ever lost this man, she would never recover. If he ever lost her, she feared for the man that he would become. She could only hope that their relationship would survive Jamie's new career.

Swallowing the odd lump in her throat, she gave him her best smile and summoned the courage. If he's willing to sacrifice his dreams, she was prepared to at least try and take this on too before he gave it up altogether. "Hey I'm a big girl, remember. I can tough this one out," she whispered, attempting to sound cheerful.

His handsome face lit up. Grinning, he leaned in for a final kiss before grabbing the handle of the car's door. "Weel, let's do this then, Sassenach.".

..........

Ah, bloody hell, here goes nothing!  

Claire inhaled deeply and took Jamie's hand as she stepped out of the car. She felt like entering into another realm as she was greeted by frantic screaming, knowing it had more to do with Jamie's appearance than her stepping out. It was very loud, more than she'd imagined it would be with a crowd such as this, and the deafening noise was reinforced more by all the shouting, cheering, camera flashes, instructions yelled out by photographers at celebrities, and security and ushers barking orders.

"Jamie! Jamie!"

"We love ye, Jamie!"

"Jamie, please sign this!

"Jamie! This way, please!

"Jamieee, selfie please."

Jamie's hand tightened and tugged her forward, her eyes blinking and squinting against the flashing of bulbs and set of lights beaming down on them. He leaned down to say something, but she couldn't hear over the screams of hysterical fans. Although she'd been a fan of Jamie for years, she couldn't understand the over-the-top hero-worship and grown women shrieking whenever Jamie smiled, winked or waved. People crying and all these hysteria for a retired rugby player was simply just beyond her.  Heaven forbid Jamie ends up becoming an actor. Unbelievable!

Jamie led her to the top end where the broadcast outlets were, namely BBC, ITV as well as UKSC, the network Jamie might one day work for. He subtly reminded her when to stop and where to look as the photographers furiously took their pictures. His eyes were on her the whole time, a knowing upturn tugging his lips and his hand always pulling her against him. He kissed her for the cameras as if it was his way of announcing she was his, and although Jamie ignored requests from the journalists to introduce her, she obliged them, despite herself, by smiling for their lenses instead. Claire was surprised not one of the photographers had recognised her as the infamous  Runaway Bride . She hoped her unknown status would remain for the rest of the evening, but she knew reporters were like a dog with a bone and it was only a matter of time before they caught on.

"Hey, Jamie, who's the pretty lady with ye?"

"Can we have a name, please?"

"The dress is gorgeous. Who designed it?"

"Jamie, a quick interview, please?"

"Sorry ye lot, time for us to go in," he deflected, pretending to look disheartened while putting one hand dramatically over his chest and another, tugging her elbow and leading her away from the crowd and into the double doors of the hotel. 

What a charmer!   Despite Jamie loathing the media, he had a way with the reporters, whether they were women or men. Not once he showed a hint of annoyance even if she could feel it pulsing from his aura. He was evasive when people asked questions but somehow managed to get away with it with a smile or a wink, lending them a sense of mystery. Maybe Jamie was born for this. He did everything with ease and was full of self-confidence in front of the watchful eyes of the public. Whereas, her, she felt like she was caught up in a current, whirled and tossed in every direction. Her face hurt from endless smiling, hand numbed from Jamie's constant hard grip and her feet already throbbed from the ridiculously high stilettos. She hoped Jamie's charms would be enough to tide her over when the media finally finds out who she was.

One hurdle down, a million more to go!  Once they made it through the hotel's lobby, her first thought was to grab a flute of champagne from a passing waiter, but Jamie kept walking and steered her through groups of people, nodding and acknowledging with a smile those who glance their way. 

"It wasnae so bad, was it?" Jamie murmured against her ear as they positioned themselves at the least populous area of the lobby. "Ye look so beautiful tonight, and everyone thinks so too. Ye've captivated the press and the fans." He took a couple of champagne from a passing blonde waitress who was beaming up at him, but he didn't notice the awed gaze.

"Captivated? More like inquisitive," she replied, taking a huge gulp from the bubbly Jamie gave her and scanning the crowd. "The press is probably running my picture through some facial recognition software as we speak. I hope with the amount of makeup Geillis plied on my face, they'll fail at their attempt."

"That's not how facial recognition software work, Sassenach. The app distinguishes a person based on the person's features and shape."

"I was afraid you were going to say that. Let's just hope the software they're using is crap or dated."

Jamie laughed, taking a step closer in her direction "Dinna fash. Sometimes media exposure can work to yer benefit."

Claire looked up and saw the amusement in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Weel, for one, Frank will surely leave ye alone now. He wouldnae want to jeopardise his career in case ye talk to the press. I'm presuming he'd be thinking, ye've been considerably unpredictable ever since ye jumped out of the church's window. Controlling people don't like unaccounted for surprises. And ye're likely to do something spontaneous."

"I guess you have a point ..." She sipped her drink and quickly changed the subject. "What happens now?" she asked, watching the elite and sports' celebrities rub shoulders together, exchange air-kisses and posed for the cameras with subdued interest.

Claire had never seen so much pretentiousness in one room, and she'd mingled often enough in Frank's circle to make that distinction. The need to impress was so palpable in the air when, in actual fact, almost every individual present was talented and gifted in their own way. It was too showy and flashy for an event that was supposed to be all about honouring sportsmanship and sports in general. The only thing that seemed genuine was the designer clothes they're wearing and their expensive perfumes wafting through the air. It seemed like the long tentacles of the world of celebrities have crept into the world of sports, blinding them with glitz and glamour. It was definitely not a scene she could get used to, and she felt, Jamie couldn't either no matter how much self-confidence he exuded and wanted the job.

"We're just waiting for Forbes," Jamie explained. "I told him I'd meet him here and he's supposed to update me on his talks with the network." 

"Forbes is your agent, right?"

"Aye. And speaking of the devil, he appears." Jamie gestured toward the tall, blonde and handsome man in a dark blue business suit, walking confidently through groups of celebrities. "Showtime," he whispered, shifting on his feet.

She downed her champagne in two mouthfuls and watched Forbes stopped and shook hands with Andy Murray, Scotland's professional tennis player. It was apparent Jamie's agent knew a lot of famous people and appeared comfortable around them as he greeted and addressed a few more.

"Jamie!" Forbes strode towards them in a way a famous person might. His smile Hollywoodesque as he shook Jamie's hand. He was younger than Claire thought, midway through his thirties and almost as tall as Jamie. "Sorry to keep you waiting," Forbes apologised. "Got held up in the office and then stuck in the traffic."

Jamie nodded. "Nae bother. We haven't been here for too long." He put an arm possessively across her shoulders and pulled her in. "Forbes, this is Claire, my girlfriend." Forbes took her hand and kissed it, smiling over it when she blushed. She felt Jamie stiffened, indicative of his lack of credence towards his agent. 

"Call me Gerald. Forbes is my surname. I'm a long time friend and confidante of Jamie. I'm surprised he hasn't introduced you sooner, but I've seen you in the papers. Have to say you caused quite a stir in Edinburgh, and the pictures that were published haven't done you any justice at all. You're even more beautiful in person." He dipped his head as if his next words were meant only for her ears. "Jamie's reputation precedes him. As we all know, he has a keen eye for beautiful women."

Claire swallowed and yanked her hand back. "A keen eye for beautiful women, you say?" She glanced up at Jamie before looking at Forbes squarely in the eyes. "Too bad it doesn't extend to his instinctual perception on human nature. Jamie is too trusting for his own good."

Taken off guard by her reply, Forbes stared at her for a few seconds, trying to gauge her meaning. When she didn't smile, he was left with no other choice but to give out a fake laugh that was so over-the-top and loud, a few people glanced their way. Jamie disguised his choke with a cough.

"That's sports agents for ye," Jamie remarked, squeezing her shoulder. "Cannae live with 'em ..."

"Can't sign a deal worth a damn without them," Forbes added, plastering his toothpaste advert smile back on his face and dragging his attention away from her. "Well, Jamie, shall we go somewhere private and talk business?"

"No. We can talk here," Jamie said smoothly, releasing Claire to grab more glasses of bubblies from a passing waiter. "It's simple, really," he started, passing a glass to her and then to Forbes. "It's either the network and I are on the same page or not. So which is it?"

The mega-watt smile on Forbes dimmed, as he cast a quick glance at Claire before looking back at Jamie again. "I reasoned with the directors, and they've invited both of you at their table for further talks."

"And?"

Forbes tugged at his tie. "They still want you to do a pap photo with Geneva tonight. And it would be wise if we told the press Claire is your PA in case her identity leaks out."

"I'll do a promotional photo with Geneva if that's what they want," Jamie said firmly. "As for Claire's identity, the press or some random fan has probably already figured it out who she is. The fans aren't stupid." 

"Fine, so what if they've figured it out," Forbes sighed, lifting a hand in the air. "Just release a statement saying Claire's working as your PA while she's out of a job or something. Or a close friend who came with you as your plus one for tonight. Or just say nothing at all, and I'll release a statement to the press for you."

Noticing the tension between the two men, Claire placed a hand on Jamie's arm. "Shall I leave you both alone. I'll be just right over there," Claire intervened. She knew how important this job was for Jamie, and she was more than willing to remain hidden from the public if that's what it took.

"No," Jamie replied, grabbing her hand, in case she did walk away. "Please stay." He gave her a pleading look. She couldn't say no, so she simply nodded hoping they would come to some kind of resolution. Satisfied she wasn't going anywhere, Jamie turned his attention once more back to Forbes. "You will not release any statement on my behalf, and I will not discuss my personal life to the press. I've never had, and I'm not about to start now. Anyone who's got eyes knows Claire is with me and hundreds of pictures have already been taken when we arrived. The only thing I am willing to talk to the press about is my work."

"Jamie, there won't be any work if the directors found out you are with the  Runaway Bride  and even more so if the word gets out," Forbes argued impatiently. "We can make those pictures disappear, and nobody has to know about Claire. And it's for her own good too."

Claire tried not to flinch, but both men noticed. Forbes gave her an apologetic look and Jamie squeezed her hand.

"The directors said they specifically wanted that?" Jamie asked in disbelief.

Forbes sighed. "They want an unattached Jamie."

"And yet, they want me to parade myself with Geneva? That doesn't make any sense at all," Jamie countered.

"Look there's something I need to tell you about Geneva. And you can't tell another soul ..." Forbes paused and eyed Claire.

Jamie noticed Forbe's hesitation. "Claire won't say a word. She's a doctor and has a duty of confidentiality to her patients. So this won't be any different," Jamie reassured his agent.

Forbes nodded and lowered his voice. "There are rumours within the IOC that Geneva used performance-enhancing drugs during the Commonwealth Games and Beijing World Championships and she may be consequently be stripped off her medals ..."

"And how is that my problem?" Jamie challenged.

"Well, this is where you come in. You know that Geneva's dad, William, is one of the directors of the network, right?" When Jamie nodded, Forbes resumed. "The IOC isn't the problem, and the majority of the committee can be bought, but it won't stop the rumours circulating. So daddy dearest wants to paint a nice picture of Geneva for the public by giving her a few stints on the sports network. They want you both to host the London World Championship during rugby off-season. Her exposure will unveil her to the public as a clean-living athlete, and so when the rumours grow its head, the public will dismiss it as mere gossip. And also, they want the public to perceive you both as a couple. There'll be no need for you to announce you both are. A few pap photos here and there and the fans will do the talking. You're the ideal person for the partnership with Geneva because well, you know ... you were well-known for your discipline in rugby. No drugs, no alcohol, five times best player of the year, Scotland's national treasure and all that shit. Get my drift?"

"And why me?" Jamie asked warily. "Surely, there are other candidates with the same background in sports as I have, a better reputation and could talk comfortably and eloquently in front of the camera. I can think of five on top of my head, and they're all living nearer to London."

Forbes shook his head as if he couldn't comprehend why Jamie still hadn't understood yet. "You come from an old family, Jamie. A family with a solid background, good reputation and the public is more forgiving with your past indiscretions compared to your peers. And that alone carries a lot of weight in William Dunsany's eyes."

Jamie gave a burst of short mirthless laughter. "And here I thought I was being considered for the job because they saw a potential in me." He shook his head in disbelief and slapped Forbes on the shoulder. "Sorry mate, thanks but no thanks."

"Jamie! We're talking about a million-pound contract here and a place in the network for two years. That's an incredible amount of money for someone who doesn't have experience in mass media. No one is asking you to break up with Claire. Just keep things between the two of you under wraps. That's not difficult, is it?"

"Aye, it is! Have ye lived under the watchful eye of the press? Claire will be living with me. How am I suppose to keep our relationship under wraps? The answer is no. I'm not putting Claire under that pressure."

"William Dunsany is desperate. Maybe I can arrange a better deal for you," Forbes offered.

Jamie arched an eyebrow. "Why is he desperate?"

"William Dunsany is about to be bestowed a knighthood by the Queen, and he can't afford any scandal or gossip tainting his family name. He thinks Geneva being linked to you would shift the focus away from the rumours."

"Sorry, Forbes. It's one thing piling this whole shite on me but ..."

Forbes raised both his hands and gestured to both of them. "Talk about it, the two of you. And I'll go and talk to Dunsany and get you a better deal. I'll give you both half an hour to decide." And then he turned and strode away before either of them could say a word.

Jamie took Claire's glass and set it on the nearby table and faced her. "Do ye want to talk about this, Sassenach?"

"I think we should," she whispered.

Without another word, Jamie took Claire by the elbow and led them to an empty conference room. Once alone and away from the crowd, they sat on a nearby table facing each other.

Claire spoke first. "Jamie, I totally get it. The money doesn't mean anything to you, and I know you love me, and I also know you're willing to walk away from all of this because of me, but ..."

"Sassenach ..."

"No, Jamie, hear me out first, please," she insisted, wringing her hands as she searched for the right words. "You're here because you want to be part of that sport you love so much and want to start your own rugby academy with the money you'll earn. I know we talked about this in the car before we got here, but I don't want to be the reason for giving up your dreams. I can't live with that. When two people love one another, they nurture and support each other. I want you to do this thing in London and build your academy."

He smiled and took her hands from across the table. "Sassenach, I appreciate what ye're saying but it doesnae matter. Besides, I get the feeling ye dinnae like London much and the whole palaver with the paparazzi, and I cannae do it on my own if ye decide to send me away. I'd miss ye terribly."

It was true what Jamie said. She hated London, but she'd also hate it if she didn't get to see him every day and see where their relationship go. Maybe this was a test and opportunities like this only come once in a lifetime. Of course, they could make their own opportunities, but more often than not they are sprung on you like a dare to test your skills, to see if you could take that leap of faith to make whatever it was a success. To continue to be dictated by fear, an excellent opportunity might slip away. Frank already took away so much by inspiring self-doubt in her, and she didn't want to be afraid anymore. She needed to take that leap first, for the sake of both of them. And although Claire didn't like the idea that William Dunsany could get a knighthood from her life-changing decision, Claire had a feeling Geneva was being manipulated by her father. She wanted to be beside Jamie to make sure it wouldn't happen to him and at the same time reach out to Geneva and help her.

Confident she made the right decision, she stood up, walked over to him and sat on his lap. Linking her arms together around Jamie's neck, she planted a kiss on his lips and smiled. "What if I said I want to come to London with you, would that change your mind?"

[shawnpetermuffins]

Misery Business (decode 2)

A/n: and the much requested part 2. Part 1 is in my masterlist under my song based fics. This will be the final part.

Summary: Shawn's finally starting to realize what this relationship has done to him.

Warnings: angst, swearing, the usual

Word count: 2.2k

***

I should be happy. My career has never been better, my singles are doing pretty great on the charts, I'm in the top 5 most listened to artists on spotify, and I'm getting loads of publicity hanging with Camila. And don't get me wrong, she's beautiful, hourglass figure that every guy wants, I guess. There's just something wrong and it's this, she's not y/n. I thought our relationship would withstand anything my career threw at us, I really did. But I should have known that she wasn't okay with this. I knew that there was always some kind of underlying territorial battle between her and the girl that's currently holding my arm while we walk down the street, but I ignored it for the sake of a few extra views on a music video, for a few extra streams.

This publicity thing has taken y/n away from me and no one seems to notice, or care, because the songs are doing so good. Since she walked away that night no one has talked about it. No one asked what was the final straw, it was just never brought up. And all that's going around Twitter and Instagram are these God awful, staged photos of me and Camila acting like we're so in love when in reality I am heartbroken and on the verge of a nervous breakdown in most of them. 

"They're looking," she says into my arm. "Kiss me now." She's been telling me to do that a lot more often recently and I'm starting to feel just how wrong it is for us to be doing this. She knows about the breakup, but it seems like she couldn't care less. She parades me around town and follows me on tour, adding a little too much tension between me, Brian and Connor who have barely spoken to me since y/n left. It's clear that they weren't on my side in this situation, but that didn't matter to Camila. She was eating the attention up. She loved knowing that people were talking and that they were talking about her, it apparently didn't matter in what context. 

"Andrew," I grab my manager's attention one night before he goes into his hotel room.

"Yeah, bud?"

I clear my throat, glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one was still out wandering the hall, listening. I lower my voice anyway, "How much longer do Camila and I have to keep up this PR game? The fans are starting to notice it's fake."

"We have to keep it up at least until the stadium show."

"What? What happened to it ending after the VMAs?" 

He shrugs, "Sorry. We need to sell more."

"The stadium's already sold out, what do you mean we need to sell more?!"

"Shawn, you said you were okay with this. What's going on?"

I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me because of this stupid game. That's what's going on. But I just sigh, "Nothing. Nothing, guess I'm just worried. I don't want the fans to lose interest. I can't keep ignoring the question."

"Well you can't talk about it. We're under contract. Now it'll be over before you know it. So for now, just enjoy it. Enjoy the publicity. You need it. Gets people excited for new music."

You know what else gets people excited for new music? Promotion.

---

I'm scrolling through Instagram, seeing all the photos fan accounts are posting of me and Camila, becoming more and more emotionally drained with each passing second. But then I see something that catches my eye. It's a photo of me and y/n, one of the only photos she allowed me to post of us. Except it's split right down the middle. I hurriedly look at the caption.

Fanaccount Is no one going to talk about the fact that we don't know how, why, or WHEN y/n and Shawn broke up??? Did we all just forget that they were together for 2 years?? What happened to our girl? 

Then I start reading the comments, which I shouldn't do, but I can't stop myself.

Fanaccount2 Idk if it's true but someone said she was still on tour with him up until like 2 weeks ago…

Fanaccount2 Do y'all think Camila had something to do with it?

She had everything to do with it.

fanaccount3 Who cares? He's with Camila and she's better.

Fucking liar. 

fanaccount4 I know we don't know what happened, but if it's because of C that's fucked up. Y/n deserves better. Shitty PR to sell a song that's already been at #1 for weeks?? If he lost her to this I feel bad for him. 

     Fanaccount5 But what about her? She had to watch all this go down? It was a really dick move for him to even think it was okay to do this.

   fanaccount6 Okay but look how happy he is with Camila. He clearly doesn't feel bad, so why do you???

Fanaccount4 THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS! and now he's sucking face with his "best friend" come on. That's shitty and you know it.

I don't even realize that I'm crying until I can hardly catch my breath. I'm panicking. I haven't had to deal with a panic attack alone since y/n came around, but this is the third one I've talked myself out of since she left, and I've had to go back on my medication. I never realized that she was the main thing helping me through.

My phone buzzes with a notification - a message from Andrew. 

It's a screenshot of my spotify account and it reads: #2 baby!!

I want to hurl - my phone or the contents of my stomach, I'm not sure. Maybe both. But I guess, we've got the fans where we want them. 

But like we always do, in true Hollywood bragging, we post the screenshot to our Instagram stories. And Andrew to his feed and twitter. It's all working so well. They're buying it - the relationship, the song, everything. But when I look at my follower count and see I'm down at least 100,000… maybe not everyone is buying it.

---

We're in her hometown and every part of me wants to go see her, wants to make sure she's okay. Because I have the day off and it would be so easy to just drive out to her and make things right. But Camila won't leave my side and I'm going insane.

"Shawn, pay attention to me!"

And I snap. "What do you think I've been doing these past two months, Camila?! I've been paying attention! Jesus, fuck, give me just two minutes of alone time."

"Whoa! What's up your ass?" She crosses her arms over her chest.

"You!" I scoff, throwing my hands up.

"You've been moody all week. Do you want to talk?"

"Not to you," I mumble, but she hears me.

"You're serious? This is about y/n? It's been a month, Shawn. It's time to move on."

"Move on? How am I supposed to move on when she was the literal best thing to happen to me? When I lost her because of this stupid PR move that is in no way helping me anymore, Miss number two!"

"Now I don't deserve to be number two? Really?"

I don't say anything else, I just take my phone and wallet from the coffee table and leave without another word. I don't know where I'm going until I'm there at her doorstep, breathing heavily and running my clammy hands through my already ruffled hair. Before I can talk myself out of it, I knock on the door and wait, my hands in my pocket.

"Can you get that?" I hear her say to someone inside, but I'm not expecting it to be my own best friend.

"Brian?" I say, confused.

"What are you-?"

"Bri, did you? Shawn?"

"Connor?"

"Guys, who's at the…" she stops cold in her tracks when she sees me.

"Y/n," I sigh. I can't read her face. She could be any number of things, but shocked is probably the most accurate.

"Babes, can y'all give us a second?" Her arms cross defensively over her chest while the guys retreat to the kitchen. When she walks further into the living room, I let myself in, closing the door behind me. "What the hell are you doing here, Shawn?" 

"I miss you," I say desperately. "I - I know I fucked up. Severely fucked up. I put my career ahead of you and I said I'd never do that. The numbers became more important and it shouldn't have been that way. I'm so sorry. Just… please give me a second chance. Let me prove to you that you're first. Always."

"A second chance isn't going to do anything for you, Shawn."

"How do you-?"

"Because you're still pretending with her! If you're even pretending at this point! I can't be with you like this because if the numbers were all that mattered two months ago, who's to say they're still not going to matter three years from now? Your entire career revolves around them and I'm not going to be your number two. That isn't what I signed myself up for. Not to mention my Twitter mentions right now are your fans calling me a whore for standing in the way of 'Shawmila's true love!'"

I flinch, "I'll fix it."

"You can't!" She screams and I see the guys slowly make their way into the room. "Jesus, don't you get it? It doesn't matter what you think you can fix because I can't forgive you! I'm done. I'm over it. I don't want this!" She gestures between our bodies. "You don't want me, you want the familiarity. Well, why don't you teach her how to calm down your anxiety attacks. And tell her how you like your eggs in the morning, and how you'll only get out of bed after at least ten minutes of silent cuddling.

"And you go around town acting so fucking innocent, which no one believes, by the way. Teach her how to be your girlfriend, and how to do it right because clearly I wasn't doing it right," her voice cracks at the last part of her sentence and it breaks me in half. When the first year falls, I want nothing more than to take her in my arms, but I hold back, knowing damn well she doesn't want me near her.

"Y/n, it's not the same without you. The concerts aren't as fun, the days between drag on forever. I thought that being seen out would make the numbers rise, and yeah it has, but I'm losing more than im getting."

"That's not my fault. You did that." She wraps her arms around her, holding herself together. Just like I've always known her to. I notice that the tears aren't falling anymore either. She stopped then just as quickly as they started. 

"This isn't how I thought we would turn out."

She bites the inside of her cheek, her clear sign that she's distraught.  "You know, it's funny. It took me so long to realize that I was watching your dreams come true. Selling out arenas and winning awards and putting out awesome music. I watched all of those dreams come true. Not once did you say I was a reason for it. You always avoided the questions about if the songs were about me. I was - I was never part of your dream, Shawn. And I put mine on hold to watch you live yours. It's my turn," she looks at me with some type of fire in her eyes. "Its time for me to go for my dreams and watch them come true. I thought it was you. You were my dream for so long, but that's just not it anymore."

I suck in a shuddery breath, "no. Y/n, baby. Please."

"You need to go."

"Y/n," I reach out for her but I'm stopped quickly by my best friend.

"She told you to go, Shawn."

"I'm not leaving until we fix this."

"Just let it go, man. She doesn't want you anymore." Connor says from his same spot, only this time with y/n in his arms, her head buried deep in his chest. Seeing her in the arms of another makes me crazy and I lunge for him, but Brian pushes me back again. 

"You need to go. I'm not saying it again," he's practically dragging me out the house.

I point an angry finger at Connor, "You're fired."

"That's fine," he says. "Good luck with the rest of the tour." He shoots me a glare and then his attention is back to my sad ex-girlfriend. And I'm out the door before I realize it.

"What am I supposed to do?" I ask aloud because I feel Brian standing behind me, making sure I don't get any ideas to go back inside.

"Sounds to me like you need to reevaluate your priorities. You chose this career, and up until recently you were able to balance love and music. Find that again. Now go back to the hotel. I'll see you for soundcheck tomorrow." The door closes once again. But this time it's closing on everything that was and everything that could've been. I know I'm not getting her back. I chose the music business,  but now it's the misery business and there's no way to get out of it.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @anamariel2301 @shawns-badreputation @bbellbagel @turtoix @ivegotparticulartaste @tomshufflepuff @dino-16-avocado @sleepybesson @lifeoftheparty74 @shawnssongs @luvluvxx

I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sorry for the angst. Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙💙

[tishinada]

Video Game Meme

I was tagged by @rainofaugustsith, thanks!

I’ll tag @celith-wraine, @r2smuse, @cinlat, and @chaosandwonder

>>>>>>>>>

Hello! I decided to make a tag that would allow me to get to know more about my followers and their favorite video games! If you love talking about video games and their characters, this is your chance! Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

Games

First game you ever played: Pong, lol. I don’t remember why someone gave my parents a second-hand Atari, but I was literally the only one in the family who played it. Favorite game: Kind of a tie between SWtOR and No Man’s Sky. They scratch different itches for me. Game you’ve played through multiple times: SWtOR, Dragon Age Origins, Dragon Age Inquisition, every version of Civilization until the most recent ones (I have CIV 5 still,) Might & Magic 1 - 5, Stardew Valley (doesn’t really have an ending, but I’ve restarted several times,) Sim City (also open ended,) City:Skylines (my replacement for Sim City, lol,) Masters of Orion II, and several other older games whose names escape me at the moment. Oh, and I used to be really good at the original Tetris. Upset my daughters by playing two player Tetris solo and still sometimes making it to level 9... Game you hated at first but now love: None. I usually dislike it either for difficulty of the controls/gameplay (I’m in this for fun, not to “win” some ethereal prize for being “best” at something) or for some major flaw (overt bigotry of any sort being a common one.) Game you used to love but now hate: Not hate, exactly, but while I used to enjoy Borderlands I (yeah, it has problems, but it doesn’t pretend to be serious either,) I can’t stand playing it anymore. Gives me vertigo. That probably wasn’t helped by the fact that the person I played with drove the vehicles like he’d had half a bottle of whiskey first, lol. Your favorite game atmosphere/setting(s): Again, a tossup between No Man’s Sky and SWtOR. Game with the best group/companion(s): While I adore some of the DA companions, I have to go with SWtOR. I just love so many of the companions.

A game with your favorite ending: SWtOR - Sith Inquisitor probably takes the lead by a hair (walking out of a force storm without a hair out of place, slamming Thanaton into a wall, going from Lord to Darth and a member of the Dark Council in 15 minutes, lol...just can’t beat that,) followed by Sith Warrior (I mean, Baras dead, and the Dark Council BOWING to you, whew!) Sith dramatic endings are apparently my cup of tea. Agent and smuggler endings are just behind that. A game with the WORST ending: Sticking with SWtOR, I’d say the ending for the trooper story was a let down, comparatively, though I really like a lot of the trooper story. The Jedi get ceremonies, the Sith get elevated by the Dark Council, the Agent can get freedom, the BH can either kill the president of the Republic or a darth, and a smuggler either gains control of a pirate fleet or gets a perpetual Republic get-out-of-jail-free card. The trooper? The medals aren’t even awarded in a ceremony (wtf? The military LOVES its ceremonies and parading its heroes in front of EVERYONE. It builds morale, wtf?) I don’t mind the bittersweet victory in which Rakton gets traded despite it probably being a worse choice in the long run - that fits a lot of the trooper story. But no ceremony and no promotion? I had high expectations for a military class story ending (again - I do love most of the story.) But as I’ve complained before, the writers constantly expose almost complete ignorance of how the military works, lol, and they really dropped the ball by skipping the ceremonies.

Though I have to admit that Onslaught so far seems to be heading to an even more disappointing ending (at least for me.) Really not happy that they seem to be walking back on a lot of assurances, among other things.

Best character customization?: City of Heroes. Unfortunately, I don’t care for the game itself - solo play is pretty tedious and slow, at best. Also, although friends kept insisting that it would let you really vary the body shape of the women characters - the CC is still a LOT more limited for women’s body shapes than men, sigh.

Hero and Companions

Your favorite playable character: Probably Tramini, my Twi’lek Shadow, though there’s a close pack in the lead and that can change day by day :D The funniest playable character: Toss-up between the Smuggler and the Sith Inquisitor in SWtOR. The Smuggler is openly hilarious. The SI is amazingly sarcastic and snarky, which I also love. Your favorite companion(s): In SWTOR: Lana Beniko, Andronikos Revel, Talos Drellik, Vette, Malavai Quinn, Mako, Vector Hylus, Kira Carsen, Lord Scourge, Felix Iresso, Risha, Akaavi Spar, Bowdaar, Guss, Aric Jorgan, Elara Dorne, Shae Vizla, Koth Vortena, Khem Val (he grew on me over time, lol,) Holiday.  In DA:O: Morrigan, Zevran, Shale, and Sobaka (Dog). In DAI: Cole, Cassandra, Dorian, Solas Companions you could live without: SWTOR: in order - Skadge, Tano Vik, Doc, Corso Riggs, Gault, Kaliyo Djannis, Theran Cedrax (but only if I could keep Holiday)

Relationships

Favorite game friendship(s): Bowdaar and the Smuggler, Akaavi and the Smuggler, Mako and Blizz and the BH, Felix Iresso and the JC, Elara Dorne and the Trooper, Talos Drellik and the SI, Mako and the BH.

Favorite game relationship(s): Lana Beniko/’Noka (smuggler); Ucevi/Quinn; Misheen/Revel,  Po’teryal (Tery the Trooper, lol)/Koth Vortena, Mind’aree/Vector/Lana (hey, it’s my fantasy :D,) Croci (a sith-blooded agent)/Theron Shan (the only Theron romance that has ever done anything for me, lol,) I wish I could have romanced Akaavi or Risha, but... In DAO, I love my Dwarven commoner with Zevran, closely followed by my Dwarven noble with Zevran (ultimate sacrifice ending...need the angst, lol.) TBH, in DAI I have no favorites. There were just too many problems with the canon ones for women dwarves who are always my favorites.

Favorite companion banter: In SWtOR - Vette when you go after the slavers on Rishi. They don’t write her showing her anger nearly enough. In DAO - Leliana and Sten (because she catches all the things he tries to hide about himself) A relationship you loved but went bad: Not loved exactly, but I thought the Corso romance was kinda cute despite the problems the first time I played a smuggler. Then I played again without romancing him and saw how he behaved and I’ve never spoken to his character again unless the game forced it. A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: An agent and Vector. The whole Joiner thing is pretty weird at first (my oldest daughter still can’t get past that,) but he’s such a lovely person once you do. From what he says, they don’t typically try to coerce Joining (though that’s also a bit contradictory, I know.)

A character you wish you COULD romance: Jaxo (Trooper), Jonas Balkar, Somminick Timmns in the SW story, both Akaavi and Risha as a f!smuggler, Urtel Moren (SI story - more than a fling, I mean,) Senya, Lots of others, but those come to mind first A minor character you wish could be a companion: Jaxo, Urtel Moren, Somminick Timmns Lokir Ka (smuggler), Len Teraan (smuggler), Crysta Markon (BH), Sanju Pyne (agent), oh, and probably two dozen others, lol.

Fun

Shoutout to a random NPC: The little boy who follows Dog back in the marketplace of Denerim (no, Dog, you can’t keep him, he wouldn’t be safe.) A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: Dishonored, Skyrim, Kotor. Unfortunately, I have trouble with the controls for all of them. Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: Mass Effect. I’ve really tried, but the controls leave me in pain after 10 minutes. Online gaming or solo?: Solo. The only MMO I play generally is SWtOR, and I turn off all the social channels so I don’t have to see all the obnoxious shit people are saying, etc. Why do you play video games?: For fun, for stories and entertainment, for escape. I don’t play them to compete against other people, though in some games, I try to beat my own best. But mostly for fun.

[cinnbar-bun]

Siegfried is Actually A Demonic Otherworld Dragon (100% Real!! NOT FAKE!!!)

Everyone, it’s time. Put on your tinfoil hats peeps, and I’ll reveal the TOTAL TRUTH ON SIEGFRIED. Reveals spoilers for JJBA AND SOME GBF THINGS

For starters, I want to show you something.

This is Siegfried when he was first revealed. Okay. Legit. Dudes been on the run. Definitely would look like he’s been not sleeping for over a hundred years.

Then look at this:

Do you see something strange?

Hm? Maybe it’s the fact that he looks... younger, even?

He permed his hair and dyed it a lighter caramel, and somehow got rid of his bags? Sorry. I don’t buy it.

But you know what I do buy?

He sucked the life force out of his enemies and victims and made himself younger. Let me tell you a story.

Long ago, an asshole enigmatic nobleman, Dio Brando, wears the stone mask and becomes a vampire. As a vampire, he sustains his life force and youthful appearance by sucking the life energy of his victims.

Simple vampire stuff.

But the creator of the stone mask is one of the most prominent Pillar Men ever, Kars.

See something familiar? The long hair? The bulging muscles?

What if I enlightened you ignorant fools and said they had the same voice.

Kars=Siegfried.

You might be a bit confused, but all shall be explained soon.

Kars, after getting the Stone of Aja and placing it on the mask, becomes the Ultimate Lifeform. He has the ability to control nature itself and turn into whatever he would like (ie, he can grow wings like a bird). How is this relevant-ITS VERY RELEVANT BECAUSE KARS HAS BECOME SO POWERFUL AND UNSTOPPABLE. SO MUCH POWER IN AN ALREADY POWERFUL MAN WHO CAN DO SO MUCH DAMAGE AND PRACTICALLY DESTROY THE WORLD WITH HIS MERE HANDS.

At the end though, it doesn’t last long and he gets blown to space, where he becomes a rock and floats for eternity and stops thinking.

OR SO WE ARE MADE TO BELIEVE

Do you really think a god could merely be stopped like that? I highly doubt such an object in space could remain passively existing there.

But as GBF has shown us-there is a way a God could continue. How?

THE MOON PEOPLE.

The Moon People, from what Second Advent has shown us, is very technologically advanced and promotes efficiency, work, and advancements over ‘inefficient’ things like love, leisure, and enjoyment.

IF KARS WAS FLOATING IN SPACE, I BELIEVE THE MOON PEOPLE CAPTURED HIM AND TOOK HIM IN TO RESEARCH HIM.

Kars has stopped thinking by that point probably, but because it was stated he could not die, he still has some parts of his soul in him. Second Advent also showed us that due to moon research, people are able to transfer consciousness into a vessel/another host (see Alandus).

My proposal is that the Moon People wished to create a powerful vessel that they could study and use to enhance their own race.

But, I’m going to take it a step further. It was simply too much to create a creature that powerful, furthermore, they would need something to transfer Kar’s soul into.

I mean, I dunno if any of y’all ever seen Shadow the Hedgehog, but Shadow was created by combining the blood of an alien named Black Doom with the power of the chaos emeralds and stuff. Same gist over here.

The Moon People, wanting to test their limits, made a pact with an Otherworld creature in order to gain some of their blood to help revive the vessel they would use to research. The Otherworld creatures work and deal in lives/souls. Think Dark Jeanne and Aglovale. Sacrifice is needed to keep the vessel going.

So, the Moon People, after finally creating this creature, try to deal with it but find it’s much too chaotic and too uncontrollable to deal with, so they send it to live amongst the skydom. It is equally as chaotic and unpredictable as the vessel they made, so they try to study it in hopes of seeing different results they never would have before.

Now here’s where shot gets crazy. I’m gonna take a page out of @tainbocuailnge ‘s book and borrow their theory about FGO Siegfried being Fafnir and apply it to here.

Basically, the vessel the Moon People and Otherworld creatures worked to create is Fafnir. Of course, since the Otherworld creatures demand sacrifice and ‘balance’ they decide to go ahead and transfer a bit of Fafnir’s power into a knight that tries to slay it. Fafnir is simply too destructive to exist on its own, and they need to create something that can be capable of defeating that destruction.

The knight that comes is ‘Siegfried’ or basically, what he was before he became the Siegfried we know and love today. Siegfried ‘slays’ Fafnir, although as we later find out that he simply sealed it away (more on that later). The knight that exits is not the ‘Siegfried’ he was before, but instead a new, reborn and potentially powerful creature that the Otherworld can use.

Siegfried tries to be the good knight he was before, but due to the Otherworld blood in him, he too has his moments of chaotic feelings and emotions. The Otherworld knows this.

Siegfried, now paraded as a hero, can freely live his life and continue to be the ‘savior’ everyone wants him to be. He now has the ability to infiltrate and gain trust of those around him. The Otherworld’s desire to take control has him act as a loyal Knight and Commander to King Josef and all of Feendrache. He can’t go exploiting his cover too soon. Not when there’s just so many things he needs to do.

But, since like I said before, to maintain his life force, he needs energy from other people. He can’t just exist at full strength and do what he needs, nor can he just drink peoples life energy away.

So he continues on, doing his best to carry out King Josef’s will. In that time, he finds out about Isabella, and the two co-conspire. In exchange for helping her get rid of Josef, she will offer him human sacrifices. They both have their own ideals, but realize they can’t do it alone and need to gain Josef’s full trust.

Siegfried manages to, as Josef entrusted him with the location of a secret passage/stairwell that leads to a jail cell where prisoners could secretly be out there without anyone knowing.

Then comes the day when Isabella murders Josef and frames Siegfried. This is a part of their plan. Isabella plans to kill Josef, frame Siegfried, and have him go on the run. While he’s on the run, he can form black-market level connections and discreetly find out about other kingdoms and magical/powerful things that can help in their quest for power. Isabella then becomes King Carl’s advisor and plays him like a puppet, while Siegfried’s name was slandered.

Notice, Siegfried always brings up his loyalty to Feendrache, but I want to show THIS evidence that proves otherwise.

After Lancelot, Vane, and Danchou go down the staircase and find the village Chief as well as Siegfried, this convo appears.

Siegfried basically admits that at any point in time, he could’ve broken them out. He has the power to stop the knights trying to fight them, he has the power to break the villagers out, and he knew they were in there the whole time.

And yet, for years, he did nothing.

Would a hero reaaaalllyyy do that? Why would he simply leave them there?

Like I said earlier, he has the power to do so, and the following cutscenes literally show him beating them with ease.

This, much like most of Siegfried’s appearances, is to seem like a hero and continue his facade of a valiant and strong warrior.

Consider, also, he knew about Aglovale, and did nothing to stop him earlier until war was about to break out.

Siegfried does this routinely to make himself appear trustworthy. The more people who trust him, the more powerful he can become. The more powerful he is, the more he can enact the will of the Otherworld creatures and do what he was created to all along- Test Potential. He was created to continuously overpower himself again and again, doing feats seemingly impossible with a calm and demure smile.

The moments he spends with his Dirt Kids are to distract from the obviously shady person he is. I mean, hell, his behavior even continues with Danchou too. Just because you are nice and trustworthy, it doesn’t mean shit to him.

In the Dragon Knights skin, the description says:

“Every gentleman knows that stepping out in style requires both polish and an eye for fashion. The contrast in the dark and light theme lends to the attire's mature calm and allure. And while a cool expression may veil one's true intentions, a simple bouquet of deep red roses whispers secretly of love.”

I mean, ‘a cool expression may veil one’s true intentions’-INCREDIBLY SHADY. And also, notice the mention of ‘contrast in the dark and light’. Also shady.

Look at his outfit closely. Most colors are used to symbolize different things, and usually, white represents purity, while black usually represents dark and more repulsive emotions.

His coat is WHITE. When you wear a coat, you’re concealing your body from the cold. In this case, it’s symbolistic for Siegfried acting on his facade as a pure righteous hero, defending justice and being loyal to those whom he serves.

But it’s not the full trust, as Siegfried is wearing a black suit, and notice, one of his hands (concealed with a white glove too), is in his pockets. The other hand, carrying a bouquet of roses, is concealed in his slouched form, partially covered by his coat.

He’s using you. Saying ‘I love you’, as to convince you that he’s there for you and cares for you. He is. But not for the reason you want.

As you’re the Singularity, you have potential. You have the potential to exceed potential, each time overpowering what was thought to be impossible. I mean, plenty of creatures/characters were interested in your potential.

But, by this theory, Siegfried was created to exceed potential as well. You are a perfect example of what potential is, and he craves for that kind of power that you could have. He loves your potential, the power you could provide, the change you can make.

If he could just grasp your potential, perhaps even take your life energy, he could become the powerful entity he was always meant to be.

[blessedbucky]

🌟 2019: Year in Review 🌟

Rules: answer some questions about 2019 and tag some people!

the beautiful @buckyland tagged me!!! thank you babe!!!!

Top 5 Films Watched in 2019:

Captain Marvel (20BITEEN WHO? I’M A LESBIAN NOW THANK YOU BRIE LARSON)

Knives Out (And then Chris Evans reminded me once again on why I’m bisexual)

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (I came into this for the giant monster fights and left crying over that giant fucking lizard and moth)

Steven Universe: The Movie (I love these funky little lesbian gems and their adorable son and yeah I cried over them so what?)

Batman: Hush (I literally just watched it last night and I’m sorry I just can’t get over Damian giving Bruce a talk about protection)

Top 5 TV Shows Watched in 2019:

Kingdom (Korean period piece with zombies?? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP)

Good Omens (SHUT UP I’LL NEVER GET OVER THIS FUCKING SHOW)

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (It’s fucking ADORABLE)

Gargoyles (Look I don’t watch a lot of TV shows and I re-discovered this one from my childhood so fuck off)

RTGame’s Minecraft Series (All I do is watch streamers and YouTube and I fucking love how wholesome RTGame is)

Top 5 Songs (Albums) Listened to in 2019:

yeah so i really couldn’t narrow down songs so i'm just doing albums because these are all fucking amazing

Wasteland, Baby! —  Hozier

The Nothing — KoЯn

OK, I’M SICK — Badflower

Cuz I Love You —  Lizzo 

Trauma — I Prevail

honorary mention goes to 7 by Lil Nas X because i just discovered his album and i fucking love it

Top 5 Books Read in 2019:

all this bitch does is read fanfics these days so here’s some audiobooks i've been listening to

Dread Nation — Justina Ireland

Girls of Paper and Fire — Natasha Ngan

Burn Bright — Patricia Briggs

Storm Cursed — Patricia Briggs

Children of Blood and Bone — Tomi Adeyemi

Five Good/Positive Things that Happened in 2019:

I got a promotion at work in February! While it’s definitely been a struggle at times, I have way less stress than I did in my previous position! Actually, this new position helped me figure out some things about myself that have made my life so much better!

I was diagnosed with PCOS and ADHD this year! I can’t even describe how much this year has been my year of healing and how much better my life has become since getting medicated for ADHD. My mental health is the best it’s been since....ever? I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I had the realization that you can be happy for no reason?

I went to my first ever pride parade!!! And I don’t mean I was on the sidelines. I was in the actual parade and threw out little rainbow bracelets to everyone! My work was a sponsor and people from my department went with me! It was amazing and I loved it! And it gave me the courage to come out to my family this year.

I left the country for the first time ever this year! I got my passport and went to Mexico! It was amazing and so much fucking fun and it was beautiful and I’m so excited to see where else I go!

Guys.....guys. Not only did I get to see HOZIER once....but TWICE. I GOT TO SEE HOZIER TWICE THIS YEAR. AND THE SECOND TIME I WAS LIKE TEN ROWS AWAY FROM HIM!!!! IT WAS AMAZING AND HE WAS AMAZING AND GO SEE HIM IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!!!

feel no pressure to do this but I’d love to hear from @gagmebucky @strawberrylovessebby  @thewritingdoll @angel-fire @afro-elf @genderfluiddiscogay

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Well then.

I recently discovered this "Gem" of an article and oh boy. This is next level insane conspiracy. *The article in question*

https://reclaimthenet.org/no-pixels-for-fascists/

Now the article is not promoting the context in it so much as covering it as a horror story. And at first I believe it to be satire...... But sadly it is not. First if all. Censorship is BAD. Many people will always argue with this because, "hate speech" or, "violent speech" but fact it, the people arguing for censorship so it because they believe that nothing they can or will ever say will be censored. Fun fact mind you. The term, "useful idiot" plays a big part here. See, people in powerful places don't ACTUALLY care about you or your views. They care about power. Consider for a moment why EA is backing this campaign. EA is a game publishing company that has been in hot water MANY times over the past several years. Up to and including incidents like putting out a game that was supposed to have some level of historical accuracy, but with "their version of history". Then there was the loot boxes controversy that literally started a legal war against predatory loot boxes in games, of which EA is literally the worst offender.

Now with all of this in mind realize something VERY specific. Many people that were "right wing" were very much not happy about the "our version of history" crap because it was not how the franchise had been treated prior. ""Left wing" people were mostly against the whole predatory loot boxes thing. Grant you yes, there was a lot of cross over, but fundamentally these were split issues. Now consider for a moment what some people consider to be fascist in modern culture. It's pretty broad. And it has been escaping it's proper meaning by a long shot. But with all of this said, something people neglect to realize is that totalitarianism, authoritarianism, and fascism are all basically the same. And all involve one fundamental truth. Absolute Control.........by ANY means necessary. Censorship is authoritarian by nature. Because when you can't speak, you can't spread ideas. Imagine for a moment Progressives, you finally get free speech removed. FINALLY these "right wing Nazis" can't spread their hate messages any more out of fear of fines, jail, or imprisonment. What doth the governing bodies do next? Maybe they ban protests. Maybe they don't ACTUALLY like gay people and ban pride parades or maybe remove gay marriage. And you think to yourself, "THEY CAN'T DO THAT! THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED T-". Yes they are. You literally handed them the keys and papers to the car....... And handed over your spares while you were at it. Meaning it's theirs now. They don't have to answer to you any more.

And that's the point. You THINK you can just take away people's ability to speak because you don't agree with them, but who's speech do you think they come for next? The people who helped put them in power. The people that handed them the keys. WHY?! You might ask? Because at that point, YOU are the biggest threat to them. You are the loud, violent, useful idiots that wished for absolute control over speech to adhere to your ,"moral compass". News flash. That power? Is all encompassing. And does not just go away when someone you won't like takes power. What's more, you actually TRUST many of the people in power at face value as if they actually care about you. They don't! You, to them, are only a means to an end. And think about it really. The biggest road blocks to freedom right now are mostly all people that label themselves, either left wing, or progressives. Any idea why you can't see your own folly? Because you have too much trust in people that have no real moral compass. Consider for a moment what you've been advocating for (not all of you).

Disarming the general public (2A)

Banning certain types of speech (1A)

Give full control of healthcare to the government (which they can then deny you of)

Give full control of production rights (to the people) by proxy also the government

You are literally advocating for the government to have absolute authority over everything. And it's funny too. They've got you believing that, "The rightous path to end *fascism*, patriarchy, racism, and bigotry,-" is to give them the power to make all of that much MUCH worse. What happens when a progressive get into office that is SO progressive, they legalize pedophilia? Maybe beastiality? Guess who speech gets removed next? Everyone against those ideas since one, you no longer HAVE the first amendment to protect you, nor a second to defend yourself. Then after that person, an extremist right wing LITERAL Nazi gets put in power? Guess what? Racism and bigotry are in full swing now. Welcome back to the 1800's. And guess what you can do about it? Absolutely nothing. And you know who's to thank for that? You are.

The above article also goes on to mention this, which...... Is basically insane-

Fact is, contrary to MOST news sources. GG was not a hate movement. The FBI confirmed as much. And calling "Trump and his associates" gamers? They can't even operate FB half the time. Their only experience with gaming is probably Pac Man. Also the article goes on to say "right wing people" are the problem. No they are not. Because of the text I wrote prior to this. Because they SEE the trap and they are the only ones fighting to keep us free. Them and a hand full of centrists and not insane leftists. Also, it bares noting that "right wing" and "left wing" are not the same in the US as they are in other places, but a lot of people don't fully grasp that. People still have this view of "the right" as hillbilly racists, who shoot people because they can, and wish death upon "the gays". But that's a far cry from the bulk of the right in modern days. Because consider for a moment if the left wing was identified by their extreme? Full government control, make people be gay by force, legalize all age dating/sexual acts, let everyone love everyone *most specifically animals*, and killing/imprisoning all "non progressives". That's your fringes.

The reason so many people literally can't open their eyes is because they honestly can't think for themselves. They listen to "news" media to get all their info, even though that info is often doctored to be as woke and untrue as possible. Do you know why? Because activist types of the progressive fringes are the loudest and most entitled of us all. Salon, Kotaku, IGN, Vice, BuzzFeed, Feminist Frequency, Washington Post, The New York Times, The Guardian, CNN etc. They ALL get their news stories from one another. And they are all activists who want to push a narrative. They have no reason to be honest. The more angry you get reading their stuff, the more you will come back to read their stuff. Basically a loop of hate. Because without it, they'd go out of business. They NEED you to click on, share, and parrot their stories. I mean consider this for a sec. When GG got big, who was it that would have taken the hardest hit from the information found out? Games journalists. Do you know why mainstream news outlets came to their rescue? To paint gamers as all being racist, sexist, bigots? Because if it had come out and gotten attention beyond the gaming sphere that games media was being dishonest and unethical in its practices, how long do you think it would have been until we started to consider the same about mainstream journalism. They KNEW this was bad for them. But they also knew they had dedicated fan bases that would spread their propaganda for them. And they used that. They used that to pin down a few bad actors (the fringe people latching into the coat tails of the movement) to paint the entire movement as hateful. And not only did they succeed in spreading those lies. Now any time they need to make people angry again, or they need something to hide behind, the bring up GG *GamerGate*. Because the article writes itself. And they know by talking about it, they can deflect all forms of criticism. Journalist has sexual assault allegations against them? It's just GG trying to hurt progressives. Black Face? Just a GG lie! They threatened me/my family. It's the perfect shield. So much so, even Hollywood had taken on the mantra. But they took it up a notch to just say, "my movie did bad because sexist man babies". And they all do it. They don't actually CARE about sexism or whatever, but they KNOW, even the mention of "those types" is basically a battle cry to misinformed people that only wish to form a hate mob and enact "justice" on these "bigots". Open your eyes. You're a tool for the rich and powerful and you can't even see it.

[alirashi3185-blog]

Best Places in Birmingham

Birmingham is Britain's second bulkiest city, and its site in the West Midlands makes it an extraordinary spot to start investigating the numerous vacation destinations to be delighted in the Cotswolds and Malvern Hills zones particularly by the watercourse. Birmingham's trenches were a side-effect of the Industrial Revolution that saw the city blast, and today this broad watercourse arrange is utilized for the most part for delight sailing.

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Sea Life Center in Birmingham:

The seal life center is a fishbowl. It contains over 60 species of freshwater and marine life in Brindley Place, Birmingham, England. This fishbowl contains almost 1,000,000 liters of freshwater and houses giant and a tunnel underwater in 360 degrees in the United Kingdom. The structure of the building is designed by Sir Norman Foster. It is located at Eleven Brindley Place, The Water's Edge, Birmingham B1 2HL, United Kingdom. It is opened the first time in the United Kingdom on 5 July 1996.

St. Philip's Cathedral, Birmingham

A well-reputed Church of England is the Cathedral Church of Saint Philip. It is first created in 1715 as a Parish Church and Consecrated. After that, it was built in Baroque style in the early 18th century by Thomas Archer and it is located on Colmore Row, Birmingham, England.

St Philip's Church was arranged when the close to the medieval church of St Martin in the Bull Ring got deficient to house its assembly as a result of the developing populace of Birmingham. The land recently named the Barley Close, was given by Robert Philips in 1710. It is probably the most elevated point in the region and is said to be at a similar level as the cross on St Paul's Cathedral in London.[3] Following an Act of Parliament, development started in 1711, to the structure of Thomas Archer,[4] and was prepared for sanctification in 1715, when it was devoted to the Apostle Philip as a tribute to the promoter Robert Philips. It seems to have been Archer's first church, aside from a remade chancel at Chicheley ascribed to him.

Alton Towers:

lton Towers Resort frequently alluded to as (Alton Towers) is a playground in Stafford-shire, England, close to the town of Alton, which is running by Merlin Entertainments Group and consolidates a funfair park, water park, spa, smaller than usual golf and inn complex.Initially a private home, Alton Towers grounds opened to people in general in 1860 to bring funds. In the late twentieth century, it was changed into a safari park and opened various new rides from 1980 onwards. In 2017, it was the second most visited Safari park in the UK after Legoland Windsor.

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Warwick Castle

Warwick Castle is a medieval Fort created from a wooden castle, initially assembled by William the Conqueror during 1068. Warwick is the area town of Warwickshire, England, arranged on a curve of the River Avon. The first wooden motte-and-bailey stronghold was reconstructed in stone during the twelfth century. During the Hundred Years War, the veneer inverse the town was refortified, bringing about one of the most conspicuous instances of fourteenth-century military design. It was utilized as a fortress until the mid-seventeenth century when it was conceded to Sir Fulke Greville by James I in 1604. Greville changed over it to a nation house and it was claimed by the Greville family, who became Earls of Warwick in 1759, until 1978 when it was purchased by the Tussauds Group.

Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery

Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery (BM & AG) is an exhibition hall and workmanship display in Birmingham, England. It has an assortment of worldwide significance covering compelling artwork, earthenware production, metalwork, gems, regular history, antiquarianism, ethnography, neighborhood history, and mechanical history.

The historical center/display is controlled by Birmingham Museums Trust, the biggest autonomous galleries trust in the United Kingdom, which likewise runs eight different historical centers around the city. Entrance to the Museum and Art Gallery is free, yet some significant shows in the Gas Hall acquire an extra charge.

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