#the first one i did this morning was negative so i went to a class and now with the second test there are the strongest two red lines

[ningtual]

guess who just tested positive .............

[virgosimagination]

Things I Have Manifested Using the Law of Assumption

Desired face. I wanted to look like a mixture of Dua Lipa and Bella Hadid. This was my first "major" manifestation, and it took me about two months. At first, I affirmed and persisted, but I was doing so from a state of lack. Once I switched to embodying the state where I had my desired face, it manifested in a little over a week. Before I fell asleep at night, I would imagine myself waking up and looking in the mirror to see my desired face. I would do this a few times in order to feel the wish fulfilled, and then I would allow myself to daydream about other things until I fell asleep.

Desired body. After I manifested my desired face, I wanted my desired body to go along with it. I wanted to be 5'11 with long legs, about 10 lbs. lighter, and smaller breasts. I basically wanted a supermodel's body. I embodied the state of having my desired body for a few days, and then woke up one day about five inches taller. I kept banging my head on things! Lol

My desired apartment. I really wanted to move out of my parent's house. This one was a bit harder for me, because I was faced with reminders regularly that I didn't live on my own. It was hard for me to ignore my 3D fully at first. I was able to ignore some parts of my 3D, but other parts were harder. After meditating on it one night, I realized what I was "doing wrong" was that I wasn't fully living in my 4D, as I was allowing myself to be distracted by negative aspects of living with my family. Finally, I remembered Neville's story of when he manifested getting honorably discharged from the military. He said that night, he fell asleep imagining that he was in his bed back home. I did this for three nights: I imagined, when I was falling asleep at night, that I was in my new bed in my new apartment. I felt the cold air (my parents kept the heat high), I heard the city noises outside of my window. On the fourth morning, I woke up in my desired apartment.

My SP. My SP was a guy who was in one of my classes at university. We had never talked before, but we sat a few seats from one another in class. I embodied the state of being in a relationship with him. I stopped embodying the state of being single, the state of having a crush, and the state of being lonely. Every night, I imagined him falling asleep in bed next to me. It took me three days of embodying my new state for him to ask for my number. We went on a date and it went swimmingly. We have now been officially together for four months. We just spent a lovely Valentine's Day together!

These are my "biggest" manifestations. I got them all by applying states. My biggest tip is for to ignore your 3D, because as long as you are focused on having your desire already in your 4D, it has no choice but to manifest. Everything comes from imagination!

[lesservillain]

inmate!eddie munson x teacher!reader

cw: smut, miscommunications

January 19th, 1995 

“And when you take the line that Romeo-”

With ten minutes left in class, you were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. All eyes turn to see Mr.Bridges standing with his bright smile and a crisp new tie. He gives a friendly wave and stands there waiting for you to greet him. He gets the hint when you give him a questioning look.

“Hell, all! I hope you had a good holiday season,” he waves, a stack of envelopes in his hand. You did your best to keep your excitement contained, watching his hand as he made his way to you, “I have your newest letters here. And I just want to say that the boys at the jail loved the cards, guys. You all wrote some very nice things and they all had a light in their eyes when they read them.”

When you went to grab the stack from his hands, he stopped you, stepping close enough to whisper. “Can I talk with you in the hallway for a moment, please?” Your heart raced at how serious his tone was. Nodding, you let the class know you’d be stepping out, and to do some self study in the meantime. Mr.Bridges closed the door behind you, clearing his throat before turning to face you.

“Is everything okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not smiling. It’s kind of creeping me out.” You joke, trying to lighten the tense vibes this interaction is giving. 

He looks down and the ground for a moment before looking back up to you, “So, I have some bad news. About one of the inmates.”

Your heart dropped to your ass.

“W-what happened?”

“There was an…incident over the holidays,” he starts, “one of the inmates was attacked and, unfortunately, didn’t survive.”

Your head reeled back, suddenly dizzy. He kept speaking before you could think much more.

“We don’t know how it happened, but we are looking into making sure that our security measures don’t let it happen again. But,” he perks up again, easily slipping back into his sunny disposition, “in the meantime, that means you don’t have to worry about writing to your inmate anymore!”

Oh, god you wanted to puke.

“E-Eddie died?” You could barely get out the words and your vision started to go blurry as tears welled up in your eyes.

“What, oh, no, another inmate,” he said nonchalantly, “Eddie’s fine, but he’s just going to be reassigned to the student who had the inmate who passed. Wasn’t very happy when we told him about the switch, but when we told him that you weren’t super keen on the whole project to begin with, his tune seemed to change.”

It was too much coming at you all at once. It felt like the worst case of the spins. Relief hit first, and then mortification. Bridges was talking but you couldn’t hear the words. He handed you the stack of letters as the students started pouring out of the classrooms before disappearing amongst the crowd.

The rest of the morning you were in a funk. Only on your lunch break were you finally able to sit down and process everything. Eddie is alive. A positive. Eddie probably hates you. A negative. Anger bubbled in your body. Why would they even tell him about your disapproval for the program anyway? Sure, you had your reservations, but you’ve had a change of heart in the last few months.

“Fuck,” you bury your face in your hands and run them down to your neck. The stack of envelopes sit on your desk. You’re not sure which student got Eddie in the mix, so you flip through the envelopes to see if the handwriting looks familiar. Sure enough you see a name in the familiar chicken scratch handwriting. You sit back in your chair with a huff, throwing the envelopes on your desk.

Tears started to fall. You looked up to the ceiling to try and cease their descent but it was too late. 

It’s always just when it starts to get good that it’s all ripped away from you. Just when you started getting good at soccer, you broke your foot. Just when your dad started coming around, he relapsed and ran off again. Just when you got to see your moms face light up when she found out she was getting her first grandchild, you had a miscarriage. Just when you thought your life was going to be normal for once in your life, your husband had to have an affair. And just when you thought you had something in your life to look forward to, that was taken away from you, too. 

“Hey, Marcus ordered pizza, it’s in the breakroom-” The chipper voice of Mr.Clark made you jump, bringing your sleeved wrists to your eyes to hide the evidence. “Woah, hey, what’s going on? Did Carl Thompson try to set his paper on fire again? I told Ester that he needed to be searched when he gets off the bus in the morning.”

You let out a light chuckle at his attempt at humor, though there was some truth in his words…Regardless, you just shake your head and give him the best smile you can muster. “No, not today, Scott. I’m just, um, still a little emotional from the holidays?”

“Ah, yeah, I get it,” he nods his head in solidarity, “I was pretty blue after Jen left. Still not much better, really.” The thousand yard stare he gives as he says those last words make you feel a little concerned for him in the moment. You give him a look, and he instantly goes back to his normal self, “But, hey, it does get better. Valentines day probably wont help,” his eyes widen in momentary distress, “but, the staff usually have a little party at Bennigan’s, so that will be fun!”

You just nod your head, “Yeah, sure, sounds like fun…”

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Scott tsks and slowly starts moving out of the doorway to your classroom. “Well, yeah, anyway, uh, pizza’s in the breakroom.” Then he’s gone.

You wait a moment before letting out a laugh you desperately needed.

January 21st, 1995

“Open up, you’re not skipping out on another weekend!”

A groan pours from your chest, muffled by the pillow you’ve got your face buried in. Another knock comes from the front door, Robin’s voice booming from the other side. 

“Alright, alright!” You barely lift yourself from the couch to lean over the arm, twisting the knob of your front door to let your beloved friends in. As they make their way inside, you twist your body to look at the clock on the stove, but your vision is too blurry to see. “What time is it?” 

“Nine in the morning,” Steve says as he lifts up your feet to sit at the end of your couch, placing them back in his lap, “we’re going to brunch, then we’re hitting up the mall. Robin is in desperate need of a new pair of shoes.”

“I’m pretty sure I have the back of an 80 year old. Probably from carrying the weight burden of being Steve’s only friend.”

Your whole body shakes from laughter, Steve’s face only making you laugh harder, “You are not my only friend!” He gestures to you, still laying on the couch, boneless in you lack of effort to peel yourself from the couch, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Robin. 

“Oh, yeah, this barnacle of a human is totally worth calling your friend,” She says jokingly as she grabs your arm in an attempt to pull you from the couch.

“Hey,” you say defensively before starting to maneuver yourself upright, “I still move around. If I’m any sea creature I’m at least a starfish.”

“Pardon me, I’ll make sure to properly address you next time.”

After getting properly dressed and piling into Steve’s car, you let them drag you around to brunch, letting yourself have a few mimosas and eating enough appetizers that you barely touch the food you ordered. 

At the mall, you let Steve and Robin drag you from store to store. They stop and laugh at the empty spot in the food court where their old ice cream job used to be before it caught fire (neither of them would tell you how it caught fire). Eventually, Steve ran to the bathroom, leaving you and Robin to wander around the mall. 

“Why don’t you get yourself something nice?” She nudged you, tilting her head in the direction of a fancy underwear store, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “Why? Who am I gonna wear it for? You and Steve?”

Her shoulders shrug, “Hey I’m not complaining. But, you never know. Love will soon be in the air, and maybe you’ll get asked out on a date. Wouldn’t it be nice to wear something cute like that,” she points to a mauve coloured bra and panty set on one of the mannequins in the window, “rather than the same $2 pack of granny panties and K-Mart bra all the time?”

“Are you suggesting I’m going to be putting out on the first date?” You look at her with a deadpan expression.

“Hey, I’m not judging,” her hands go up defensively, “But, you’d probably feel better knowing that if you did get lucky, at least you came prepared.”

Looking into the store, then back to your friend, who gives you the best convincing face she can muster, you slump your shoulders and make your way into the store. You try on a few things, using Robin’s expert opinion to find something that pops on your colour wise and fits your body’s curves the best. 

When you emerge from the store after making your purchase, you find Steve sitting on a bench a few feet away, eyes scanning around him. Once his eyes meet the two of you, he jumps from his seat and makes his way over. 

“What the hell, you guys totally disappeared on me!”

“Relax mother bear,” Robin pats Steve on the back, “We just wanted to make a quick pit stop before we go.”

Steve eyes the bag in your hand when you lift it up for him, and his cheeks get a dusting of pink to them. “Ah, I see. Well, I guess that means we’re ready to go then?”

After making one more stop on the way home to pick up dinner, the three of you settled on Steve’s couch. Just as he went to take his spot next to Robin, the phone rang. Steve lets out a groan before making his way into the kitchen. “Harrington’s residence,” he says with his fake customer service voice, you and Robin to stifle your giggles. His face goes from annoyed to wide eyed, and a smile blooms across his face.

“You mean tonight?” He asks, eyes flicking over to yours for a moment, “Yeah, yeah, we’re just about to watch a movie, but it can wait. Do you know what time? No, no it’s fine, I know you’re busy, sir.”

Steve looks at his watch and nods his head. “Yeah, okay. We’ll be right here when he does. Thanks, Mr. Munson. Bye-bye.”

You feel your eyes go wide. Munson? Steve answers your questions before you can even think to ask them.

“So, Eddie is gonna call in, like,” he looks at his watch again, “20 minutes. His uncle said he meant to call sooner but hadn’t had the chance,” he looks at you with a quirked brow, “Is that going to be okay? You don’t have to be in the room when we talk to him if you don’t want to-”

“No, no, I’ll be fine!” You wave your hands, “Don’t do anything different on my account.”

“Are you sure?” Robin’s voice has a more teasing tone compared to Steve’s. 

“Yeah, no, it’s cool,” you sit back on the couch, trying to disguise your nerves, “Just…pretend I’m not here.” Your attention is now on the cuticles on your nails, and you miss the look of mischief on Robin’s face, along with Steve’s nod in return.

To avoid the awkwardness that started to build, you jumped up from Steve’s couch and made your way to his fridge to get a drink. Taking a long sip, you almost drop the bottle entirely when the sound of the phone ringing again makes you jump. 

A lump in your throat forms, and you feel butterflies instantly in your stomach. Shit, is that sweat on the back of your neck? You watch as Robin springs up from the couch and makes her way to stand next to Steve. When Steve picks up the phone a woman’s voice can be heard on the other end. He gives a short “yes” and the phone is quiet for a moment. Robin looks at you from over Steve’s shoulder with a smile. Then, you can hear a voice.

“Hello?”

Robin and Steve adjust themselves so that the phone is between both of their ears. “Hey, Eddie,” Robin says with a cheerful enthusiasm. 

“Sup, man,” Steve says cooly, “How’s it going?”

Your heart flutters when you hear a soft laugh from the speaker of the phone. 

“Same thing, different day. Been trying to keep myself occupied. Old man got sent to solitary again so I had to be on my toes last week. But,” he said the last word with a sing-songy voice, “I did get some good news.”

Robin and Steve look at each other, visible excitement in their eyes.

“Did you get a set date?” Robin’s ask, becoming excited and pulling the phone closer to her ear. Steve pulls it back and gives her a look.

“Yep! Only five more miserable months and then I’m a free man,” you can hear the relief in Eddie’s tone as he practically shouts into the phone. Whoops and hollers come from your two friends as they bounce around in front of you. You can’t help but feel excited for him too, eyes meeting with Robin in mutual excitement.

“That’s so awesome man,” Steve laughs into the phone, “just in time for your birthday, too.” 

“Oh, yeah! We’re definitely going to terrorize the Hideout,” Robin says.

“You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to it. Can’t wait to drink with the kids, too,” Eddie laughs.

The three of them continue their back and forth for a few minutes, talking about their mutual friends and what shenanigans that they can all get into.

“Hey, are they doing a rose festival this year?” 

You perk up at this, still standing idly by and sipping on your beer. Robin notices and smirks, “Yeah, I think so. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a couple months. You remember that pen pal thing I was telling you guys about?”

Now both sets of eyes are on you. A slight blush covers your cheeks, and you feel your heart beating faster. 

“Oh, yeah, with that teacher? Are you still doing that?” Steve winks at you. You look at him wide eyed, mouthing “what the fuck” but he just brushes you off. 

Eddie’s tone shifts, “Still writing letters, but not to her.” There’s a clear malice in his voice. Like just the thought of you made his mood sour. All the butterflies die instantly and fall into your ass at his words. Steve and Robin look at the phone confused. “What? Why?”

There’s a pause for a moment. “I can’t really go into the details. But they told me I couldn’t write her anymore. I got pissed off and told them that the reason why wasn’t fair, that I wanted to keep writing to her. Well, turns out she never liked writing to me anyway. The guy running the whole thing said that she was only “doing it out of obligation” and wasn’t the nicest person in the first place. Said she was trying to get canceled from the start, made it seem like it was a chore.”

“That’s not true!” You finally speak up, tears welling in your eyes. “I mean, it’s not totally true.”

There’s a pause, the three of you standing in complete silence for a moment.

“What?” Eddie’s voice, crackling in the receiver, is riddled with confusion, “Is someone else there? Hello?”

Grabbing the phone from Steve’s hand, you take a deep breath before bringing it to your ear. “I like getting letters from you, Eddie.”

The line is quiet for a moment. Then, he says your name softly, but like it’s a question.

“Yeah…surprise?” Your voice is small, and it matches the smile on your face. You wait for Eddie to say something in response, but there is a sudden commotion coming from his end. All you hear is him yelling back at someone before the line goes dead.

“Eddie? Eddie, hello?” Your panicked voice makes Steve grab the phone from your hand, bringing it up to his own ear. “Did he hang up?” He asks, looking at you confused, placing the phone back on the receiver.

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, “It was quiet and then I heard some muffling and yelling. Then the line went dead.”

“Shit,” Robin places a hand on your shoulder, “You think he’s okay?”

“Can you call him back?” you look to Steve, pleading for him to do something. 

Steve shakes his head dismally, eyes darting between floor tiles, “No, only he can call us.” He shrugs, lifting his head just enough to look at you through his lashes, “We did talk for a while, maybe his time was up?”

You couldn’t help but frown at his words, your mind going to the worst case scenario of what could have happened.

“Hey,” Robin’s words brought you back, “He’s fine, don’t worry about him. He’s always been able to hold his own.” She gives you a questioning look, “You didn’t tell us that you weren’t writing to each other anymore.”

Your head rolls in frustration, “I only just found out on Thursday. Some guy died and it fucked everything up. One of my students gets to write to him now and I don’t get to do anything about it.”

Fist slamming on the counter, you feel your blood starting to boil. “I never said it was a chore to write to him. Sure, I was skeptical at first, but I haven’t said a single negative thing since the damn thing started. I just…Fuck, I knew he was going to be mad at me.”

The warmth of Steve’s hand on your back along with the weight of Robin’s head on your shoulder as she link arms with yours grounded you. You expected them to say something, but they just let you cry it out, moving you to the couch. They knew that the tears falling weren’t just because you lost a pen pal. It was a break down that was a long time coming. Everything came pouring out, letting your wound be open and exposed to the air. 

February 3rd, 1995

“-Then, you’re going to write his name, his booking number and his cell block. That’s all the stuff I told you before.”

You nod your head, as if the voice on the phone could see you. “Okay, got it. So I just write the address and stamp it now, correct?”

“Yeah,” Dustin Henderson squeaks on the other end, “And it should work. I write letters to him all the time since we don’t have a phone in our dorm. I tried to stick some blank papers in there once for him but he said they confiscated it and still made him pay for the paper he does write on. Messed up, isn’t it?”

“I know, right,” you say with an ire, placing your letter in the envelope before licking it closed, “What a way to squeeze money out of someone.”

“Totally! Anyway, I’m sure Eddie will be stoked to get your letter. Steve gave me some of the details, but when he reads what you said there’s no way Eddie can stay mad. He pretends to be a tough guy but he’s a total softy -- Don’t tell him I said that, please.”

“I promise,” you laugh, “It’s the least I can do for all your help, Dustin.”

“Hey, who am I to keep two people from falling in love,” the suave suggestion in his voice makes you blush, but you keep yourself together.

“We’re not in love, we’re barely even friends.”

“Yeah, yeah, save it for the wedding. Which I better be the best man for!” 

“I think you’re breaking up, Dustin! Thank you for your help! Byeeee!”

Leaning against the wall next to the phone, you take in a deep breath before letting it out and up with exasperation. Holding the envelope between your fingers, smoothing your thumbs over the edges, you stare at his name for a moment. The envelope feels heavier than normal, but that’s the difference that writing three front and back pages will do. 

Three pages, all written with your heart. The invisible eye of judgment that looked over you when you wrote your letters before had disappeared. You felt the need to explain yourself after everything that had transpired. You didn’t sugar coat anything, because that wouldn’t be fair. But, you hoped that when you explained your background a little that he would understand your reservations. It only seemed fair to tell him that you knew more about him than you let on in your last letter, hoping that when you explained how Robin and Steve had entered your lives that it would clear up any misunderstandings.

It was hard to write, but you concluded the letter by telling him that you would understand if he still hated you. If he didn’t want to talk to you ever again, you would respect that, even if it meant having to distance yourself from your friends. You signed with your own rendition of a small rose next to it, and made the last minute decision to add your apartment phone number at the very bottom. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you put it there just in case.

February 14th, 1995

As the final bell rang for the day, you wished your students a safe trip home, reminding them to have their homework packets done by Thursday. Once the last student filed out, you wasted no time getting to tearing down the pink and red decor that had been haunting you for the last two weeks. You’d not been a big fan of Valentine’s Day to begin with. Even when you and Henry were still together he had only really put in any effort the first year or two. Then it just became mundane and predictable. He’d take you to dinner, get a little wine in you, and expect you on your knees once you got home. 

It was almost nice to spend a year doing something different for once.

“Hey, Anita wanted to get a head count tonight to make sure we have enough seats. You’re still good to go, right?” 

“Yeah,” you turned to see Scott at your door, “I’ll be there, 6 sharp! Just going to run home and get out of my teacher costume.”

Mr.Clark laughed at that, “Alright, see you later then!” He gave a little wave before he tucked himself back out into the hall. 

After cleansing your classroom of any signs of love, you made your way home to get ready. Even though Steve was a little bummed you wouldn’t be joining him and Robin for a night of cheap chocolate and shitty made for TV movies, Robin was more than happy to hear that you wanted to get out of your shell and make more friends. “Don’t forget to wear that set you got!”

And you did. Not that you expected anything to happen, but she was right about feeling good in it, even if it was just for yourself. Self love counts on Valentine’s Day.

When you came home later that night, you were still in a fit of giggles from the excitement at dinner. Between the surprise karaoke set up and the look on Scott's face when Mrs.Blaine pulled him back to the bathrooms during the peak of the night, you’d dare to say that you’d had a good time. You’d even limited yourself to one drink before switching to water.

As you peeled your jacket and boots off the red flashing of your answering machine caught your eye. You walk over to the machine, letting it play as you walk around the apartment.

“You have: two missed messages. First message.”

BEEP.

“Hi, darling.”

You stop mid step. Goosebumps cover all of your body at the sound of his voice. You hadn’t heard it in months. Almost a year now.

“I’m sorry I missed you…In more ways than one I suppose. I’m guessing you’re probably out with Stephen tonight. I saw the two of you out with your friend at the mall a few weeks back.”

A pause in the message has you wondering if he hung up after that.

“I…I guess I just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing well. You looked as much, and they way he looked at you…Well, I guess I can’t comment. Hope you have a good night. Love you.”

Love you.

You scoff. 

“Second message.”

BEEP.

“This call is coming from Pendleton Correctional Facility from:”

“Eddie Munson.”

Quicker than you’ve ever moved before, you’re sure your feet barely touch the ground as you make your way to your living room. 

“Hello? Oh was that a beep? Shit, sorry.” He was clearly flustered, his fumbling only made you feel giddy like you were listening to a voicemail from your crush.

“Let me start over. Hi, it’s Eddie,” he laughs, “I hope it’s not weird for me to call today. They only make you pay half as much if you tell them you’re calling your old lady. Not that I’m saying you are my-my, uh, girl or whatever.” You could almost picture how red he must have been as he was talking. You couldn’t help but bury your face in your hands and falling over on your couch, floundering around at the implication.

“I would have called sooner, but I had to wait for your number to be added to my approved call list. Just, uh, wanted to let you know I got your letter. I wrote you one back, but I’m waiting on a stamp. The freaking ran out since everyone is sending love letters. So as soon as they get more I’ll be shipping that out to you. But…I wanted to tell you that I’m not mad. That Bridges, he’s a real asshole. He keeps bragging about how as long as the project goes well then he gets a bonus.”

You were shocked at first, but it all made sense when you thought about it. In your gut, you knew there was no way his sunny demeanor was genuine. His insistence on your participation as well. He probably would have lost money if you hadn’t taken on his offer.

“And as much as I hate the guy, I gotta admit that we wouldn’t be…whatever this is without him. On that note, I also feel like I need to get something off my chest.”

Heart beating a million beats per second, you sit up straight, keeping your eyes on the machine as if it would disappear if you looked away for even a second. 

“I may or may not have known a little bit about you before all of this happened, too. Before we started writing to each other actually, thanks to the wonder twins telling me all about their new friend whose asshole husband cheated on her with a girl 15 years younger than him. They would talk about you any time I called and I started to look forward to meeting you when I got out. That hasn’t really changed…” The audio is muffled for a moment, where he probably put his hand over the receiver, “Alright, jeez get off my back, Tony. I’ll be done in a fucking minute. Sorry,” his voice becomes clear again, “these guys are jerks. Anyway, to make a long story short, I think that we should just put the stupid shit with Bridges behind us, start over, or pick up where we left off. I think that it’ll make more sense when you read my letter. So, yeah. Um, have a happy Valentine’s day and…live long and prosper. Bye!”

BEEP.

“No new messages. Two old messages.”

May 27th, 1995

A breeze blows gently through your apartment, billowing your curtains lightly. Lightening Crashes by Live transitions into Only Wanna Be With You by Hootie and the Blowfish on the little radio that you picked up from Melvald’s on clearance. You hum along, wiping sweat from your forehead as you continue to mop your kitchen floor. “I only wanna be with youuuuuu~,” you belt out into the empty apartment.

The phone rings in the living room, and you look at the clock. Shit, it was noon already? You scramble to turn the radio down, careful not to knock over the empty wine bottles that sat next to the sink, drain rung red. You hop over the coffee table, planting your butt on the cushion and picking up the phone. The automated message plays, and you mutter a little yeah, yeah, yeah as it speaks. Hearing Eddie’s voice gets you curling up against the arm of the couch. You give a quick yes, and soon you’re connected.

“Hello?” 

You try and hide your excitement, but fail miserably as you reply. “Hi, Eddie!” 

“Happy first day of no school! How did last night go?” His voice was full of genuine interest, you could almost imagine the grin he has on his face.

“It went really well! I had to take Mr.Clark home afterwards, but I didn’t have a single drink! I also don’t think I’ve had a single migraine since we last talked.”

Eddie’s laugh told you that he was definitely cheesing on his end. “That’s so awesome, Sweetheart! I’m super proud of you.”

His praises made you melt, his smooth voice not helping.

After Eddie’s message on Valentine’s day in combination of his letter, the two of you agreed to try your friendship again from scratch. It was never spoken between you two, but you’re sure that after all the things you’ discussed on that first real phone call just between the two of you that Robin and Steve were planning to set you two up, even before the prison project. When you asked them about it, they just played dumb so you just put it to rest. 

Your dreams had also changed. Once the door that was closed was now open, the two of you sit facing each other. Sometimes you would talk, sometimes the dream would only last for a few moments. Either way, the feeling was different now. There was no fear, he just needed to cross the threshold to get to you.

Eddie has been calling every other Saturday at noon since. You’d drive to his uncle’s trailer after every call to give him money to put on Eddie’s commissary, shocked the first time to see the man you spent some of Christmas Day with. You had been too far gone to remember his name, which you apologized profusely for. He told you it was no big deal, and insisted on showing you some hospitality and some old photos of Eddie when he was younger.

Eventually it became routine. Wake up, get everything prepped, talk to Eddie until eventually Tony (who apparently thinks he gets to tell people how long that can use the phone) kicks him off, take food to Wayne’s, and then spend the evening with Steve and Robin. It took a lot of energy out of you at first, but when you confided in your friends about your drinking problem, it started to feel like less of a chore as your energy started to come back. 

“What have ya got made up for Wayne today?” Eddie asks.

“He told me he really liked my hash brown casserole I made a few weeks ago, so I got that ready for him before I started cleaning this morning.”

“Damn, he did say somethin’ about you making a good casserole. I’m gonna get a belly on me if you’re gonna be cookin’ like that,” his pained sounds at missing out on your food has you squirming in your seat. You couldn’t pinpoint when it really started, but as your phone calls became more frequent, the two of you talked more and more about things that you wanted to do together.

It started out as group activities. He wanted you to come to a D&D game. You wanted to go with him and Steve and Robin to this cute farmers market your coworker told you about. He wanted to try and get a gig at the hideout so he could show you how good his band sounds. You wanted to have a get together at Steve’s when he comes home. He wants to take you to this really nice restaurant in town. You want to bring him with you to Chicago some time when you are out visiting your brother. He wants to take you to the movies. You want to take him to the new record store opening this summer. 

It would be a lie to say that his promises didn’t make you hopeful. You had to constantly remind yourself that he didn’t even know what you looked like. He could say all these things to you on the phone, and he could just as easily book it if you weren’t what he was expecting. 

“Oh, I was thinking-” you started.

“That’s never a good sign,” he teased.

“Ha ha, so funny, Munson,” you fake offense, “Anyway, I was thinking we could go see the new Batman movie when you get out. Robin and Steve keep debating on if Val Kilmer is going to play a good Batman, but I just want to see Jim Carry as the Riddler.”

“I don’t know, have you ever sat through a movie with them?” He questions.

“Uh, yeah, plenty--oh, okay I see your point,” you say, thinking about how much the two of them talk during a movie just at Steve’s. They were probably menaces in a movie theater. 

“Yeah, it would probably be better if just the two of us go. Save us a headache,” he suggests. 

“Sounds like a date, then,” you say, curious of his reaction. It’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again.

“A date? Yeah, sure, yeah, that,” he sounds nervous.

“I’m just messing with you, Eddie,” you say to save face, hoping to hide any disappointment in your voice.

“Oh,” his tone sounds sad, dejected even, “Yeah, sure.”

You were going to say something until you heard Tony’s voice yelling. Both of you let out a sigh in unison. 

“Alright, I guess I’ll hear from you in two weeks?” You don’t even bother to hide your disappointment anymore.

“Yeah. Wish it was sooner…”

“Hey, only two more months, Eddie,” you try to lift his spirits.

“Two more months,” he mirrors back.

After you say your goodbyes, you quickly get cleaned up to head over to Wayne’s. His old truck sits in the driveway, and you catch him finishing up mowing the grass. You pop the casserole in the oven while he gets cleaned up, using the spare time to pick up a few things here and there. Wayne’s tried to tell you guests don’t get to clean up, but you just ignored him until he gave up, asking him if it was really the hill he wanted to die on.

The two of you chatted, eventually migrating out to the front porch to enjoy the steady nice weather. 

“Do you think Eddie will like me?” you ask nonchalantly, keeping your eyes on a crack beneath your feet.

Wayne stops mid puff and looks at you confused.

“What?” you ask, trying to play it off.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” he asks, blowing the smoke away from you.

“No, I mean…What if he thinks I’m something I’m not? What if he’s disappointed when he meets me?”

Wayne barks out a laugh, “Oh, trust me, he won’t. I already know exactly what’s gonna happen, and it’s not him running away with his tail between his legs.”

“What do you thinks going to happen?” you ask with concern.

He just smiles, eyes fixed on the sunset.

July 26th, 1995

Your hands smooth out the fabric of your dress for the hundredth time, opting for something simple yet flattering and pairing it with some nice jewelry. “Are you sure this is okay?”

Robin was laying across Steve’s bed, swinging her legs and staring at the ceiling. “For the millionth time, yes, you look hot. He’s gonna fall to his knees when he sees you.”

You walk over to the bed and plop down next to her, “And for the millionth time, it’s not like that Robin. I…,” you fiddle with your rings as you stare at Steve’s ceiling fan spinning above you, “What if I’m not what he’s expecting? I know what he looks like, but he’s only going off of what he’s been told about me. What if when he gets here, he takes one look at me and-”

“Okay, listen,” Robin places a hand delicately over your mouth, “First of all, Eddie is going to have to pick his jaw off the floor when he sees you. I promise you that.” You look over to her next to you, smiling under her hand. “Second, if it’s not “like that,” then why are you wearing that matching set you got when we went to the mall?” The hand on your mouth moves to your shoulder where she snaps your bra strap against your skin.

You jump up from the bed trying to hide the blush in your face when a knock on the door draws both of your attention.

“Hey, are you two done playing dress up in there? Jane and Max need help getting all the food set up.”

“On it,” you say as you open the bedroom door, sliding past Steve to get away from Robin before she can ask any more questions. 

You wipe the sweat from the back of your neck, bouncing Nancy and Jonathan’s two year old daughter on your hip. Nancy was telling you about her latest article in the New York times when Dustin’s shrieking voice caught everyone’s attention.

“HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE!” Dustin yells from the front yard, and you can hear the sound of a car playing metal music on full blast getting closer, before cutting off completely.

You hand Nancy her toddler back, not trusting yourself to be able to hold her as your hands start to shake. A lump fills your throat, and it suddenly feels way hotter than it did a second ago. You’re surrounded by excited whispers and the rustling of Gareth getting into a cooler to grab a beer. 

And then it’s the skin to skin contact of Mike brushing past you and the squealing of Max and Jane from the other side of the yard as two bodies emerge from around the side of the house. A usually bald head covered in a dark brown cowboy hat, followed by a mop of curls that bounce with excitement. Bodies flocked around him; you note that he’s taller than most, say for Mike and Argyle. Everyone is taking their turns to greet him, and you’re hit with a realization that this is a family. A weird, mixed found family, who clearly have a bond that can’t be broken by time, and you were lucky enough to be accepted by them.

“Hey, there little missy,” Wayne’s voice breaks you from your trance, his arms open expectantly. The normally gruff and distant man was all smiles today, for good reason.

“Hi Wayne,” you wrap your arms around him, patting him on the back before pulling away, “How was the drive?”

“Lord,” he says, shaking his head, “That boy ain’t changed a bit. Either talked my ear off or played music loud enough that I’ll need hearing aids.” He looked over to Eddie, who was still being mobbed by the other party guests, “But, it was worth it.”

You hum in agreement, watching as Robin talks to Eddie. She points your way, and before you can prepare yourself his gaze meets yours. Even from a distance you can see the sun hitting his eyes just right, honey brown orbs locked on you. You lift your hand up to give him a small wave, and the biggest grin you’ve ever seen spreads across his face. You’re sure your face must be beat red, and you shift your eyes suddenly feeling shy. Eddie places a hand on Dustin’s shoulder and moves him to the side, making a beeline to you and Wayne.

Gravity felt like it was magnifying with each step he made, and everything around him was blurry. Every nerve in your body felt like a live wire. You’re sure you weren’t even this nervous on your wedding day. You smooth out your dress again, the fabric brushing against your skin leaving a tingling feeling behind. Each stride he takes gives you an opportunity to examine him further, to see the dimples in his cheeks, the lines in the corners of his eyes where his smile reaches them, the littering of light freckles and other imperfections.

He stopped just in front of you, his body rocking back to maintain a space between you. His hands were tucked in his jean pockets with his arms tight to his body. It reminded you of a kid trying his hardest to keep his hands to himself. 

“Hey,” his voice was even nicer in person.

“Hi.” It came out small. You were trying to be cool, but kept your head low to hide the smile on your face. He shifted where he stood, bending and twisting to force himself into your vision. The girlish giggle that came out of you was unrecognizable. You look up to him as he makes himself upright again. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

He shuffles his feet, probably a nervous habit. “Yeah, no kidding,” his head tilts and he looks at you with one eye, “I know being locked up for 5 years didn’t really do a lot of good to me, but, uh, I hope that I still hold up to the pictures you’ve seen of me.” 

 “I’d say it wasn’t all bad,” you look him up and down playfully, “You look…mature. I’d venture to even call you handsome.” It was his turn to act bashful now, bringing a hand to rub against his stubble. The both of you laugh, exchanging glances before you speak again, “Was I what you were expecting?”

He leans his body back, the huge smile returning to dimple his cheeks again. “Are you kidding me? Even better than I imagined. You didn’t do yourself justice, ya know.”

“Stop, you’re gonna make me blush,” you whine and curl into yourself, kicking at the ground.

“Too late for that,” Steve says as he slaps Eddie’s shoulder, “Now, if the two of you are done pretending not to like each other over here, we got food to eat. Who wants a hamburger!”

The yard is alive with chatter and Eddie makes his rounds to catch up. One of the guys who you’re pretty sure is named Jeff, makes him shotgun a beer with him and everyone cheers when Eddie crushes the can on his head. “Henderson,” he yells pointing at Dustin in the pool, “you’re next! Gotta make up for all the lost time since I missed your 21st birthday!” 

“That’s a lot of drinking to do,” Jane says with a worried look on her face. You look at her where she sits next to you on the edge of the pool and pat her back.

“It was nice knowing them, I guess.”

Max snorts from the other side of El, making all three of you erupt in a fit of giggles. You stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up into the sweet chocolate eyes, he kneels down and you can smell the beer on his breath. “Hey, you doing okay? Me drinking isn’t gonna bother you, right? Do you want another water bottle?”

He’s been doing this for the last 2 hours, leaving his conversations to check in on  you, even before he started drinking. Not that you were complaining, you relished in the attention he was giving you. Where at parties with Henry you were there to be seen and not heard, Eddie made you feel like the party was for you. Putting your plate together for you, standing just behind you when you talked in a group, undoing your shoes for you when you said you wanted to drip your feet in the pool. When you told him to stop hovering and enjoy his friends, he did so reluctantly, stealing glances your way like he was scared you’d be gone if his eyes weren’t on you.

“Eddie, I promise I can handle you and everyone else here drinking,” you give him a warm smile, “And I’m okay, thank you for asking.”

“Please drink Dustin under the table,” Lucas groans as he swims up to the edge of the pool, resting his chin on Max’s knee, “He thinks he can handle his alcohol well and I need to see you put him in his place.”

“Hey!” Dustin shouts as he exits the pool. 

The night starts to wind down a few hours later. Some people are gone and others are sitting by the fire pit reminiscing on times you weren’t present for. You take it upon yourself as one of the only sober people to start picking up the stray cans and solo cups that had been scattered around the pool area and putting away any of the food that was still good. The sound of the sliding glass door opening caught your attention as you were cleaning up Steve’s kitchen. Eddie shut the door behind him, walking over to stand on the other side of the island.

“I was wondering where you ran off to,” he leaned on the counter top, propping his head in his hands with the dopiest grin.

“You’ve been slacking,” you tease as you place some dishes in the sink, “I think I’ve been cleaning for at least an hour now. Not doing a very good job at keeping tabs on me.”

“Okay, for the record,” he points a finger up and staggers a bit, “I could see you, and I wanted to stop you from cleaning. Buuuuuuuut, Robin told me you always clean up and get upset if anyone tries to stop you. So I figured I’d let you enjoy yourself.” He shrugged.

“I just respect Steve enough to not leave a mess. It is a little therapeutic in a way.” You move to stand closer to him, leaning against the edge of the counter perpendicular to him, arms just shy of touching. You watched as he fidgeted with a ring on his finger. “How is it going out there? It looked like Dustin and Gareth were passed out in their chairs.”

When he didn’t respond, you brought your attention up to meet his stare. His eyes were dark, the shine of the sun no longer bringing out the umber, now almost black under the warm light above him. They flickered as they stared into yours, back and forth like he was searching for an answer only you could give him. If you weren’t so acutely aware of your close proximity, you might not notice how he subtly leans closer, closer. You close your eyes.

“ED-DAYYYYYYYYYYY!”

The sudden noise was enough to make you jump almost out of your skin. You’re white knuckling the counter as you turn to see Dustin, Lucas, and Steve stumble inside, with Jane, Mike, and Max not far behind trying to help keep all three of them from falling over each other. 

“Jesus H. CHRIST, Henderson!” Eddie screeches, slapping the top of the counter. 

“Oh, there he is!” Dustin leans backwards, Jane holding him up, “Hey, guys, I found Eddie! He’s in here with his girlfriend! Oh shit where you guys in here suckin’ face? My bad my-”

“Okay, okay, come on lets get your shit together,” Eddie interrupts waving his hands around, “Or else you’re all sleeping on the floor.”

“I don’t wanna sleep on the floooor,” Steve whines like a child, throwing himself into Mike where they almost fall over.

“Well, it’s a good thing you have a bedroom here, dingus,” Robin walks backwards through the doorway, carrying a pair of feet with her. The feet belong to a very passed out Gareth, whose top half was being carried in by Jeff.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Eddie runs over to Gareth's side, picking him up and carrying him bridal style to the couch. You reel back as you watch him carry Gareth like he weighs nothing, his biceps flexing catching your attention. Damn, did it get hot in here?

You helped Robin get Steve up the stairs so she could put him to bed while the others got themselves situated. When you came down, you said your goodbyes to Mike, Will and Jane as they made their departure for the night. Max elected to stay with Lucas since she didn’t see well at night to drive, dragging him up to the spare bedroom. Gareth is still passed out on the couch, propped up with a towel under him in case he pukes. Jeff says he’s going to sit with him until he sobers up enough that he won’t ruin the interior of his new car.

Eddie got Dustin set up in another spare bedroom and made his way down the stairs. “God, my first day back and I can already tell nothing has changed.” He’s shaking his head, but the smile on his face gives him away.

“Are you usually the dad of the friend group?” You lean against the entryway wall, watching him as he walks over to you.

“How did you know?” He chuckled, putting up an arm and leaning into the doorway over you. The move was so smooth, and you felt the butterflies go straight from your stomach to between your legs. You sucked in a breath, “Oh, just a hunch.”

His eyes lock with yours for a moment, and his smile falters. He looks around for a moment, leaning over you to look into the living room, his chest pressing into you softly. Whatever he was looking for must not have been too important, bringing his attention back to you.

“So, I really hope I haven’t been reading into this wrong,” he says lowly, head nodding between the two of you, “‘cause I’ve been dying to do this all night.”

His hand cups your cheek as he leans in. He moves slowly, to give you an out if this isn’t what you want. But when you lean into him, he wastes no time closing the gap the rest of the way. His other hand moves from above you and lands on that spot on your neck and under your ear. His weight shifts, pressing you into the frame with his body and your hands to his chest, fisting the fabric to keep him in place. Your senses are flooded with dollar store detergent and his sweat after being out in the sun.

You never believed in that spark when you kissed someone before, but the way his plump, chapped lips move with yours has your body feeling like the 4th of July. And when his tongue swipes against your bottom lip, the taste of cheap beer mixes with the lemonade you were sipping earlier. He pulls away, just far enough to kiss you over and over and over and over amplified by the stickiness of your lip gloss that’s transferred to him. But you’re insatiable, and you chase him. Touch starved doesn’t even begin to touch it. 

His hands move from your face down to your hips, moving you from the doorway to the darkness of the small hallway. Just in time as you heard the sliding glass door open and shut, then the sound of Jeff plopping down in one of the recliners. Eddie didn’t give you time to dwell on anything other than him, pulling your hips flush into his and grinding against you. 

And, lord, you felt it. 

The small gasp you let out has Eddie smirking into your kiss. He breaks away, leaning into your neck to whisper in your ear. “I’ve had a long time to think about all the things I want to do to you,” he bites at your earlobe and you moan, clenching your thighs. 

“All the ways I want to touch you,” he kisses down your neck, “tease you. I bet you like being teased, don’t you?”

 “N-no,” you whisper with a shake of your head. A whimper falls from your lips as his teeth gently scrape over a spot on your neck. “Don’t wanna be teased.”

He hums, kissing back up your neck to your lips again. “Awe,” he chuckles, eyes meeting with yours again, heavy lidded and pupils blown out, “you just want me to ruin that pussy, don’t you?” 

Frantically nodding you press your lips back into his, but he pulls away leaving you to whine in frustration. “Easy, now, sweetheart. I’m just as eager as you, but I wanna do this right.” He grabs the skirt of your dress, pulling it up to get access to your legs. You don’t get the chance to protest before he’s picking you up. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his shoulders. The hardness in his pants is pressing directly into your core where you’re sure your panties must be soaked. 

Not bothering to be stealthy Eddie carries you as fast as he can up the stairs. You can’t contain your giggles as he pushes you up against the door to his new bedroom. While stealing a few more kisses, he goes to grab the knob, but doesn’t get the chance when the door swings open behind you. He puts you down quickly to keep you from falling backwards, and you whip around to be met with a half awake Max.

“What the fuck,” she asks rubbing sleep from her eyes, “what’s going on?”

Eddie looks like a kicked puppy,  his jaw slack and eyebrows knit together in a pout.

“I thought you guys left?”

“What? No? It’s way too dark. You know I can’t drive at night,” she crosses her arms looking at him confused.

“Damn it,” he looks at the door to his right, “and I put Henderson in the extra room.”

“Sorry, Max,” you speak up, “he was just trying to figure out where he was sleeping tonight. You can go back to sleep. Good night!”

She eyes you suspiciously before wishing you a goodnight and closing the door. When you turn to look at Eddie, you see that he’s about to open the other bedroom door.

“Eddie, what are you doing,” you whisper yell. He hesitates before he reaches the door knob.

“I’m gonna get Henderson and put him in bed with Harrington.” He goes to grab the knob and you reach for his hand to stop him. He looks distressed, but you can’t help but laugh. It had only been a little over a year that you’d gone without any sexual contact with another person, but you could clearly tell that Eddie was struggling after going as long as he had with the opportunity dangling right in front of his face. 

“Can I make a suggestion before you start displacing people in their sleep?”

He nods, hopeful eyes on you.

“My apartment is like 10 minutes away,” you step closer to press yourself against him, “There’s a gas station on the way. We can stop and-”

Before you can finish he’s grabbing you by the middle and carrying you over his shoulder down the stairs and straight out the door, not bothering to close the front door behind him.

“Which car is yours?” He’s swinging you around playfully as he looks at all the cars lined up on the street and in the driveway.

“I’ll tell you, but we’re not going to get anywhere without my keys!” 

“Fuck!” He smacks your ass before placing you on the ground. “Where are they?”

“In my purse on the counter-”

He takes off, running through the front door and back faster than you think you’ve ever seen anyone move. Tossing your purse to you he follows you as you move to where you parked on the road, pulling out your keys and unlocking the door. 

“Eddie, hold on,” you giggle, pushing your butt into him in a futile attempt to get your door open. Your keys jingle as you try and get the right one into the lock to your apartment. Eddie’s hands were everywhere as he pressed himself further into you, kissing up and down your neck and shoulder. “It’s only going to take longer to get inside if you’re distracting me-hee~”

He relented with a whine, chin resting on your shoulder and hands lingering on your hips as he waited patiently. Once you finally opened the door you stepped in and flicked on a light, Eddie hot on your trail. When you turned around to face him, you were expecting to be met with his lust filled eyes, but you were surprised to find him looking around your apartment with wide eyes. You took the time to admire him again, much like you did earlier. He looked like he belonged there, like he fit with the cozy atmosphere you had cultivated since you moved in. He would have looked so out of place in the sterile white of your home with Henry. 

“It’s cute,” he says looking at some of the artwork you have hanging on the walls, “exactly what I was expecting.”

“Oh, so you were expecting me to take you back to my apartment?” You eye him with a smirk. He looks down at his feet before tilting his head to look at you.

“Only for the last four months.”

Chills run up your body. He’s been thinking about you, like…this, for 4 months.

“Only four months?” You step to him, craning your neck to look into his eyes. The pink on his cheeks more prominent this close.

“Well, sort of. Honestly been thinking about you since you sent me that letter about yourself, what you looked like. Again, you didn’t do yourself justice,” he leans down to kiss your nose, “But, I, uh, didn’t really start thinking about you until we got to talk for real.” His hands snaked around your waist, sliding down to grab handfuls of your ass. 

“Something about your voice,” he leaned in for a quick kiss, “hearing you laugh at my dumb jokes,” another kiss, “the way you say my name. “Hi Eddie.”” He mocks you, exaggerating the sultry inflection of your words. Smacking a hand on his chest, you both laugh, and he pulls you in closer. 

“Well I’ve been thinking about you longer,” you say as you pull on the hem of his shirt. His brows quirk up at you in surprise.

“Really? And I thought I was pushing my luck tonight. Was worried all our talking was just you being nice to me.”

“God, Eddie, you’ve been away for way too long if you couldn’t tell I’ve been flirting with you by now.”

“Hey,” he raises his hands defensively, “I’ve never gotten my hopes up about a girl flirting with me before, and I wasn’t about to start.”

It hurt your heart to hear him say that. Robin said Eddie wasn’t super popular in high school, and didn’t have the best luck in the dating department before he was incarcerated. Which was a shame because he’s such a sweet guy and deserves to feel wanted. The ache between your legs came back when you realized that you might get to be the first person ever to make him feel that way.

You lean up to kiss him again, lingering there for a moment before you take a step back. He leans in to chase you,but you keep taking steps back. When he opens his eyes, he sees the mischievous look on your face and smiles wildly. Just as you turn to take off to your room, he launches after you, making you squeal as he chases you down the short hallway. Once passed the threshold of your bedroom doorway he wrapped his arms around you, planting kisses all over your face. You giggled as he walked you to the edge of your bed, planting a kiss on your lips and guiding you down, down, until you were sat. 

The mood shifted from playful to hot the moment his tongue slipped out in search of yours. His hands were suddenly on your knees, bunching and shifting the fabric of your dress. The metal of his rings was cold against the hot skin of your thighs. His fingertips felt rough to the touch compared to your smooth skin, the sensation lingering as his hand crept closer and closer to where you wanted him, needed him. 

“Holy shit,,” he inhaled sharply though his nose when his fingers reached the fabric of your panties,“This is happening.” An incredulous chuckle left his lips, and he let his fingers loop the waistband, snapping it back to your skin. 

Just when you thought he was going to take the plunge, his hands continued to creep up your body. His touch was feather light, gliding up your sides, slowly, slowly, until you felt him right under your rib cage, below the cups of your bra. He hesitated for a moment, and you weren’t sure he even realized that he had stopped kissing you. The low light of the moon shining through your blinds illuminated him just enough that you could see him swallow. Where had all that big talk gone from earlier.

“Eddie.”

His shift to yours and you hold his stare. Your hands move down your own body, gliding over his hands from the top of your dress, down, until you grab the hem of the dress yourself. His grip tightens as you pull the fabric up, up, exposing your legs, your stomach, chest, until it’s up and over your head. You toss the offending garment to the floor, and meet Eddie’s eyes again. Leaning back on one hand, you grab the collar of his shirt, pulling him in so his lips just ghosted over yours.

“I thought you’d been thinking all this time about what you wanna do to me?”

That was all exactly what was needed to break Eddie of his nerves. One of his tattooed hands flew from your ribs to your chin, fingers squishing your cheeks to purse your lips. He looked down at you over his bottom lashes, lips curling into a devilish smile. 

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise to be gentle. Tell me if you need me to stop. Got it?”

You shook your head the best you could in his grip, your thighs rubbing together at his shift in demeanor. His lips were on yours in an instant, hand slipping from your face, down your neck, shoulder, before slipping behind your back. He shifted his weight, placing a leg between yours so his knee was fully pressing against your heat. His other hand snaked around your side, meeting his other hand. In one swift motion the constricting hold your bra had on you was gone, and the weight of your chest shifted as the garment lay flimsily against you. You shimmied your shoulders, lifting one arm out of the strap, and then the other. Eddie grabbed it, flinging it off of where it still covered you as if it personally offended him.

His mouth was on you again. Starting at your lips, moving down your neck, nipping, biting all the way to the swell of your breast. His hands make their move, wasting no time as they began to grope and pull. He took a nipple in one hand and did an experimental roll, the sensation causing you to arch into him, and your hips roll into his knee, hitting that hard spot just right against your clit. Your eyes cross for a moment, and you barely get time to recover before he’s taking your other nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue in tandem with the rolls of the other. All the sensations creating a perfect symphony of pleasure that you hadn’t felt in years, if ever.

You don’t hold back as moans fall from your lips, and they only egg Eddie on more. His mouth releases your nipple with a wet pop causing you to whine out in protest, only made worse when his whole body pulls away to stand at the edge of your bed. Even in the mostly dark room, you’re still able to enjoy the show as he strips himself of his shirt.

His biceps flexing already had you feeling hot, but your breath hitches in your chest as you take in Eddie’s bare chest. Some of the tattoos you recognize from the picture of him and Steve, but there are new pieces that fill in a good majority of his chest and parts of his stomach. He’s tone, even more so now than in his earlier twenties. Your head spins as you follow his happy trail down to where he’s undoing his belt. When he pushes his jeans down to the ground, your jaw hits the floor when you see the tightly pitched tent in his boxers. 

When he clears his throat, you quickly shut your jaw and look at him with embarrassment. “See something you like,” he smirks. Your head nods dumbly, still in awe at the man before you. He rubs his hand over his stubble shyly, curling into his shoulder at your admission.

However, his bashfulness didn’t last long as he leaned forward, grabbed you by the calves and pulled you until your ass was at the edge of the mattress, making you lose your balance and fall flat on the bed. He holds your legs up, moving to stand between them. Leaning forward he kissed you on the lips, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth when he pulled away. Then, in a move you weren’t expecting, he dropped on his knees and began kissing on your inner thighs.

“W-what are you doing?” you asked as you propped yourself on your elbows, watching him make little marks on your skin.

“What do you mean?” he doesn’t look up, only switching to your other leg as he moved closer to your clothed slit.

“Sh-shit,” you whimpered as his mouth landed on your mound, licking over where you’d soaked the center of your panties, “w-hat are you doing down there?”

“Oh, pretty girl,” he looked up at you from between your legs, “I’m going to eat this wonderful meal that you’ve so kindly warmed up for me.” Before you know it, he’s biting and pulling the material away from your cunt, leaning back and pulling away just enough to pull them off. 

And then he’s on you, wasting no time getting his mouth on you. A hand flew straight to the curls on the top of his head as he began in ministrations. His flattened tongue licked a slow stripe all the way from your hole to your clit, stopping on the bud to flick his tongue back and forth. 

“H-ooooohh my god,” your words came out breathy, and you subconsciously ground your hips into this tongue as he lit the fire in you. “Eddie- t-that, ah, don’t stop!”

He hummed into you as his tongue slid down to your hole, wasting no time plunging his tongue inside. Your breath hitches as the breach, curses falling from your lips as your head lulls back. He pulls away for a moment, a thumb gliding to your clit to keep you going as he speaks.

“Baby, has anyone ever eaten you out before?”

“N-no-o, ffffuck, never,” you stutter out, lifting your head to look at him again. You were met with an expression that you could only describe as wild excitement. His eyes practically had hearts in them.

“Well, shit, I was just going to get you warmed up for me, but I’m definitely gonna make you cum on my face.”

Your face was flush red with embarrassment. Henry never did anything like this with you. He barely made you cum in anyway, leaving you to get yourself off on your own. So the idea of cumming on Eddie’s face only stoked the flames in you more. 

His mouth wrapped around your clit once again, sucking and licking, making you cry his name with the remaining breath in your lungs. When you didn’t think it could get better, you felt the roughness of Eddie’s finger at your entrance, pushing in, and working you to the knuckle. The curling motion of his pointer was like throwing gas on the flame. Losing the strength in your arms, you flopped onto the bed with a gasp, hands shooting to grip in Eddie’s short curls. “Oh, oh fuck — ah!” 

Eddie let out a small moan when you pulled. He was smirking against your mound, eyes watching you wriggle and writhe before him. You were so responsive to all his touches and he was sure that he was leaving a stain on the inside of boxers from how much you were turning him on. He needed you. Bad. But he wanted to make you melt under him first. So he added another finger and could feel the way you clenched around him, how your whole body was going stiff, that he was so close to getting you right where he wanted you. 

His name spewed from your mouth between some curses when the flame finally took over and had you seeing white. You clenched your thighs around his head, shaking as your orgasm ripped through you. Broken gasps and cries barely left your lips before breaking out in a pant, chest heaving as you come down from the high. 

Eddie stood from where he was between you, taking the moment to grab the condoms that he shoved in his back pocket earlier in the car. Taking one and setting on the night stand, he turned to find you watching him. You already looked so fucked out, but there was anticipation in your eyes as he approached you. Taking his time to tease you, he pulled his boxers down slowly, watching your eyes widen when it sprung out and smacked against his stomach. He wanted to say something funny at the look of concern on your face, but all that came out was, “It’ll fit, promise.”

Wordlessly you nodded. Watching Eddie saunter over to you as he put the condom on felt like watching a predator about to devour his prey. Once he was back where he belonged, he leaned down to kiss you, hand on your cheek. The lingering taste of your own release on his lips. There was hunger, passion in his kiss. No words, and yet it felt like he was pouring his heart out to you. 

You hummed in surprise as you felt the fat head of his cock nudging at your entrance, begging for permission. You rolled your hips with a small whimper against his lips. 

“Oh, fu-u-uck,” the words stuttered from his mouth as he finally pushed himself inside. Your breath caught at the feeling of him splitting you open, a new heat igniting in your body. Even with the condom you could feel every bump and curve, how hard he was as he pushed himself into you. When he was fully inside, opened your eyes and were met with the prettiest sight; Eddie’s face mere inches from yours, looking strained, yet relieved, all just from being inside of you. 

While he was trying to regain his composure, you were starting to get impatient under him. You start to grind against him, and his hands are instantly at your hips to stop you. “Ah— hold on sweetheart, I’m afraid I’m gonna bust too quick if you do that.”

You pout your lip at him, continuing to roll against him. The sureness he had when he had his mouth on you dissipated as he reveled in your movements. He dropped his head, forehead resting on your shoulder, his little noises right in your ear went straight to your core, “Shit, that’s right—oh use my big cock to fuck yourself. Fuck you feel so g-g-good.”

It didn’t take long of your movements to get him to finally snap, pulling back and trusting into you with a loud smack. You arched your back at the intensity of his movements, arms wrapping around  him as he sets a relentless pace. Each thrust into your cunt was punctuated by your quick moans as the air was being knocked out of you over and over.

His grip on your hips loosened, weight shifting as his hands snake under your arms, gripping your shoulders to amplify each thrust. When his eyes meet yours they’re wild, feral as he’s lost himself in his own pleasure. It was like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, another person’s carnal need for you. 

Your second orgasm hit you like a freight train. It was back arching, toe curling, open mouth but nothing comes out pleasure that you’ve only read about in the dirty novels you’d read alone in the bathtub. You’re pretty sure your eyes crossed at one point. His eyes are locked on your face, watching it contort in pleasure as he feels you fluttering around him. He wants to hold out, but it’s too much, and his movements become erratic. Soon after he stills his movements, hips flush with your core and moans into your ear. You can feel the way he twitches inside of you, even with the condom.

Body going slack on top of you, his weight was comforting as your chests rose and fell in rhythm. His grip on your shoulders shifts to around your rib cage and pulls you into him in an embrace so he drag you up the bed with him. The two of you lay there silently, and you stare into his big brown eyes as they shine in the moonlight. Your heart swells with fondness as he looks at you like you’ve hung the moon. His stare is so intense you have to tuck your head in his chest. He wraps an arm around you, tucking his chin on the top of your head.

You didn’t want the moment to end. In less than 24 hours, this man with his arms around you has made you feel more wanted than you ever had in the entirety of your marriage. Deep down, you knew there was a possibility that this was all that it was going to be. And over the last few months, you told yourself that you would be okay if this was all he wanted. But now that you’re finally here, in the moment, you’re starting to realize that this man could ruin your life.

Gently pushing away from him, Eddie gives you a confused look as you climb out of the bed, picking up his clothes. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” He sits up from the bed cautiously.

“Oh,” his question caught you off guard, “well, I, uh, when Henry and I would, you know, he would have me wash his clothes after…”

Eddie reels back, looking at you with shock, “What the hell? I thought you were his wife, not his maid.”

You tilt your head, “What do you mean? All wives do this for their husbands? Not that you’re my husband, I just--it’s just out of habit.”

He’s got himself on the edge of the bed, leaning forward he reaches out for you, tattooed hand waiting for you to take it. You look between it and his face, before placing his clothes in a neat pile on the nightstand. When you take his hand in yours, he pulls you into him, taking your breath away with a kiss, pulling you down into the bed with him once again.

“See, I thought you were getting my clothes to kick me out,” he whispers as you nestle into his side. You shook your head, smiling against his tattooed chest.

“No, definitely not. You’re going to be lucky if I let you leave now,” you giggle as you trace the lines that cover his body. His chest jumps, and when you look up at him he’s smiling from ear to ear.

August 12th, 1995

Roses covered every shop, cart, and building at the fairgrounds today. The sun was beating down on you hard. It was practically boiling out, making you wish you could peel off the little clothing you decided to wear. The numerous bodies moving around you wasn’t helping, along with the endless food trucks putting out heat as the air filled with the smell of steak fries, hot dogs, and the food you were looking forward to the most: funnel cake.

Standing off to the side in the shade holding Eddie’s sketch book, you kept your eyes on the line, watching your boyfriend stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd of Hawkins citizens. Even though you told him you could wait in line yourself, he told you to find a nice spot for the two of you to enjoy your food out of the sun.

When you found a little spot in the grass under a tree, you waved to him to show where you were. He gave you a thumbs up, so you took that as the okay to take your seat. Just before you do, you hear some yelling coming from a few feet away.

“Mrs.Creel! Mrs.Creel!”

A group of your students from this last years class ran up to you, and you were suddenly very aware of how little clothing you were wearing.

“Oh, hi kids,” you greeted, adjusting yourself to hide a little skin. The kids didn’t seem to care much as they talked to you about their summers and how excited they were to be moving up to the eighth grade.

“Why can’t you be our teacher again next year?” Cindy asks.

“Yeah, I have Mr.Rupert this year and he’s so old and boring,” Suzy groans.

You laughed at their words, but felt a tug at your heart from their kindness. You hadn’t even noticed that Eddie was approaching until all four sets eyes widened, looking just behind you. When you turn around, you quickly take some of the load off of Eddie as he juggles your food and drinks.

“Woah,” you hear Collin say. You have to stifle your giggle as you realize that these kids probably didn’t expect boring Mrs.Creel to be with a guy like the one kissing her on the temple.

“Eddie,” you say, turning back to the group, “these are some of the kids from my class last year. Kids, this is my boyfriend, Eddie.”

Their jaws drop as their suspicions are confirmed. Eddie gives them a friendly hello, and you notice the two girls looking at each other. 

“Wait,” Paul interrupts, “Your boyfriend? I thought it was “Mrs” Creel?”

Oh lord. You were hoping that you wouldn’t have to explain much since you’d have a new class this year, but you forget how observant middle schoolers can be.

“You’re correct, Paul. I am married, but,” you look up to Eddie, who gives you a nod, “But, I won’t be much longer. Hopefully that is.”

“Oh, okay,” Paul shrugs.

“What are we supposed to call you then?” Suzy chimes.

“I’m going to be going back to my maiden name, but you can call me Mrs.Creel if you want to. I know it can be confusing-”

“It’s okay,” Cindy insists, “we’ll just tell everyone that they can suck it up and call you by the name you want to be called.”

After the kids leave and you and Eddie stuff your faces, Eddie tugs you close, kissing the top of your head, his lips moving against your scalp as he talks.

“I don’t know if you remember, but I told you before that your students didn’t think you were lame.”

You sucked in a breath and laughed, “Yeah, I guess you were right. I’ve always been hard on myself when it comes to my students, though.”

“You’re hard on yourself with everything, Sweetheart.” He takes your hand in his before you can pull away, already getting used to your antics when he teases you.

As the sun finally starts to set, the two of you start to make your way back to your car. Eddie has proven himself to be quite the gentleman in the last few weeks. He opens your car door for you once you’ve gotten Teddie Munson, the giant teddy bear that Eddie one for you throwing darts at balloons, safely placed in your back seat. Once inside, he jogs to the passenger door and jumps in. The drive home was full of laughter and conversation, only winding down as you approached Steve’s place.

This had become your least favorite part of the night. Eddie had forgotten that his newly assigned probation officer was going to come and visit him the day after he was released. So when he was at your apartment instead of the address listed on his paperwork, he almost got thrown back in jail on violation. Thankfully, between you and Steve talking with him, he let Eddie off with but with one stipulation. 

So Eddie had to stay at Steve’s house for the next six months as punishment. It wasn’t the worst thing, as you were welcomed by Steve to stay whenever you liked. But, with how vocal the two of you liked to be in bed, you could really only get away with it when Steve and Robin were both gone. And it was only going to be more difficult once the school year started.

“Hey, maybe if I’m really good, proving that I’m lookin’ for work and all that, maybe he’ll let me off my punishment early,” he shrugs as you walk into Steve’s, night bag in tow.

“Maybe,” you lament, “I wouldn’t do anything to risk it, though. You may piss him off if you even ask.”

“Ugh,” Eddie groans as you follow him up the stairs, “If I ever see Rick on the street he’s fucking dead.”

You just shake your head. He always says something to that effect whenever his probation prevents him from spending more time with you.

“I wish you could move in here. It would make things so much easier.”

That was the other thing he said.

“Sorry, babe,” you shrugged, grabbing your night clothes. You stood by the bedroom door as he rummaged around for something to wear, “I can’t afford to break my lease. Besides, you might get bored of me and kick me to the curb. It’s probably for the best that we don’t rush into anything.”

You don’t even see him coming when he grabs your arms, lightly pushing you into the wall, lips pressing firmly into yours. You hum against his lips, and when he pulls away, he looks at you with those eyes. Big, brown eyes that you wish you could stare into forever. 

“I’ll agree to the no rushing, but you told me yourself that I was gonna be hard pressed to get you to let me go. I’m keeping the same deal on my end. Only way I’m letting you leave is if I royally fuck up or I’m on my death bed. Got it, Sweetheart?”

Nodding, you pull him into you again, hoping that your lips could tell him how you feel without having to speak the words. That you were scared, nervous to give yourself to someone so wholly again. The pain of losing him would probably do you in. But with how everything felt so natural with Eddie, so not forced, that you wanted to at least try.

thanks for reading!

[twirlingsmilingwriting]

Tolerate it || Young!Coriolanus Snow X Reader

"I sit and watch you reading with your... head low"

Truly feeling like the luckiest person alive when your former classmate and short term boyfriend asked you to marry him. Not even a year into the marriage and also a year into his presidency does the original love and admiration you felt from him start to dissipate. You can't help but feel trapped and tricked into a marriage in which he may have never loved you to begin with. Warnings: Angst, Love-Bombing, marriage, gender ambiguous reader, typical snow tags (manipulation), social isolation, alluding to sexual acts but not described, kissing Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: I was listening to Evermore after watching tbosas and Tolerate It was just SCREAMING Snow vibes. I was fidgeting with the gold charm of my pearl necklace while anxiously looking over at my husband whose nose was too deep into a book to seem to care about me. I dropped my gaze from him to scan across the table and room. Our large dining room was red with gold accent pieces I had spent the morning dusting decorating the walls. We both sat at opposite ends of the long table, ever too long to just seat two people but it seemed the man couldn't do anything at home if he was within five feet of me. A bouquet of roses I placed in a ceramic vase sat between us on the table. He loved roses, he always did, so I placed them there to brighten his day and maybe even spark up conversation between us. I polished the plates we ate on delicately and even spent the afternoon painting designs onto the back of them. I had done all this in hopes I'd receive some sort of compliment from him but alas, there was none. I sat back and reminisced on the days of our love before it was like this. Truly, when I had first married Coriolanus I had felt like my life had started a new chapter. We dated in the spring and summer time of the year after we graduated from the academy. He was top of the class and while I never matched him in intelligence he had seemingly randomly taken a liking to me. We were acquaintances at most before that and then he started talking to me any chance he could get. I would gush to my friends about his charming smile and posture and they would warn me of the rumors that went around about him. They would tell me to never get to close to him as all those who got did would end up disgraced, missing, or dead. In some masochistic way, I truly felt enthralled by his magnetic aura, danger, and the mystery that surrounded him. His bright red coat was as red as the flags that man was but the danger of it all excited me. He wasn't the nicest man out there but when he was nice to me, I felt unique. I was the exception to his coldness.

We'd go out on dates and he would shower me with sweet nothings. He would tell me how I was the light that lit up the darkness of his life. He said my beauty could turn a man to stone. I will never forget the way he kissed me on the busiest street in the capital under the dancing streetlights and how I felt like time had stopped in that moment. The way he stroked the side of my face so delicately and told me I was the only one who had ever made him feel so alive. I was holding onto every breath that man had exhaled hoping he'd inhale me further into his life. We'd spend days together and call at night. I didn't notice it at the time but in retrospect it was tactical. I spent every moment of my waking days with him and soon my life started to be built around him. Every phone call from a friend I received that spoke about him in any negative way made me push them away and out of my life even further. He was the only one I talked to. He is my world. We were two seeds that had gotten dropped into the same pot and were growing into each other.

In the fall, I fell for him harder than I ever had before. It came to a height when we were walking through a park and watched as the changing leaves fell from the trees. He held my hand in his and he held me so tight as if he was afraid I'd float away and leave him. I would never of course, my life would bend to his will. My head rested against his arm like the red coat he always wore. He'd recount to me stories of his life that would make me laugh and smile. His strikingly blonde hair blew in the wind softly and I noticed every detail of how his icy blue eyes would crinkle when he'd smile at me. He was like a beautiful painting whose artist was unknown. I remember thinking that all I would ever want to be in this life is as significant to him as he is to me. I remember the earth shattering halt my heart felt when he turned to me and dropped down to one knee and proposed. A smirk plastered his face when I said yes. He stood back up and pulled me in by the waist. One hand on my chin and the other on my lower back. The feeling of his warm, soft lips on mine and the feeling of his hair tangled between my fingers. I remember the ecstasy of the moment and the feeling that my friends were wrong, the world was wrong, no one knew Coriolanus like I knew him. He wasn't a cold, calculated, and constantly plotting man, he was just misunderstood. When he pulled away from the kiss, he whispered in my ear that he would live a thousand life times if it meant he got to love me in the next. I remembered everything.

That was the first night we spent together. He snuck me into his house and we giggled in his bedroom when he shut the door. We told each other secrets and moved the furniture so we could dance. My head was placed onto his chest and we swayed to the sound of the music playing from his grandmothers record player. We shared moments of passion in his bed, fell asleep in each others arms, and woke up tangled in bed sheets. I remember thinking he was truly mine.

We married shortly after in the beginning of December. The ceremony was lavish and beautiful. I remember the way his fingers tucked my hair behind my ear. A single tear fell from his eyes and he leaned in and kissed me. He must've been so taken aback from my beauty as I was with his. Only one of my friends attended the wedding but I was too happy that I was marrying the man of my dreams to care. The first weeks of our married life were wondrous. He had risen to power and we had moved into the absolute gargantuan mansion we live in today. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off me and I was the diamond of his eyes. He loved to show me off for the cameras and crowds. Then one day, winter came and roses don't survive.

It started off small. He didn't want to talk or cuddle in bed at night anymore. I assumed he was just tired from working so hard. Then he stopped complimenting my outfits or hair, trading them with passive aggressive comments and ways I could improve myself for him. He no longer wanted to talk at dinner. We stopped speaking at some point. He wouldn't want to hear my voice unless it was to service him. In public, he still was my adoring husband but in private, I felt like I was living with a stranger. At night, I can hear him whispering sweet nothings to the air and humming melodies and I can only hope he's dreaming about me.

These days, I haven't been sleeping, I've been trying to listen in and see if I can make out the words he is saying in his sleep but I haven't been able to make out any other words than lines about trees. While he is having his meetings all day, I am constantly doing new diets, trying new makeup, new hair, decorating the house differently, leaving loving notes on his desk, anything to try and earn a compliment from him. Even if a compliment is too much, I am begging for a word from that man. I love him. I still love him. I don't believe it is possible for me to stop loving him. I can't dare to think of loving any one else. He is so much wiser, and smarter, and more beautiful than I am and I find myself becoming the moon to his earth. I spin around him, pulled in by his orbit except, I'm not his moon. I'm just a star in his sky that is begging to be his sun. I just want a footnote in the story of his life. Even an annotation on a page of his story will be enough for me.

The sound of him placing his heavy book onto the table pulled me out of my trance and my eyes met his blue ones once more. Instantly, I am struck frozen. His eyes had such a way of pulling you in. I looked down at his lips as they pressed a small smirk and his eyes squinted a little while he picked up his fork from the table and looked at me. He examined my appearance and I sat up straighter. The thick tension in the air put me on edge. Finally, his lips parted and he spoke.

"Is that a new hair color?" he asked, keeping his eyes laser focused on me.

"It is... d- do you like it?" He looked me over again and leaned back in his chair contemplating what to say next. Then, shortly, sweetly, and sharply, he muttered the word,

"Tolerable"

~

PART TWO PART THREE

[grandeoatmilklatte]

Fellow oat-and-omi-lover,

I have a request. It's loosely thought out and entirely up to you for interpretation.

But basically, I'd love to see a very touch-starved Ominis (you know, never been hugged or kissed in his family, the other students are wary of him, his only touchy friend was Sebastian and that's gotten tense recently) with a touch-shy MC.

Ominis is so tactile, and his main experience with close friends (the twins) is something MC is just... incredibly skittish about for whatever reason. Like he grew up having them grab his hand or sling an arm around his shoulder or greeted him with hugs, and now he's just got this singular friend available to him and there's so much adjustment on both sides???

He takes their hand to show them something, and they just freeze or startle or something? And somehow, this is reconciled? I'm a sucker for romance as well.

I DON'T KNOW!

Basically touchy Omi and big personal space bubble MC in whatever capacity strikes you.

Maybe.

If you want!

I love you, and thank you for reading my request. 😭💖

@applinsandoranges my love!! I tweaked your idea a bit and turned touchy Omi and touch nervous MC into a brand new couple and made this short little one shot from there! I hope I made you proud!

Getting To Know You In A New Way ❤️ - (Ominis Gaunt x F!MC)

Warnings: Fluff! || Slight NSFW (brief mention of touching) || mention of Sebastian slipping Ominis some liquid courage potion to ask a girl out || characters are 18 and in their seventh year || implications of trauma || aversion to touch || some negative self talk from MC || (1346 words)

Ominis loved everything about his girlfriend. He loved her from the moment he met her in fifth year, long before she even was his girlfriend. Her kind and gentle nature towards him, despite his lineage, and her alignment with wanting to pull Sebastian away from the Dark Arts drew him to her. As time went on, his love for her only grew stronger, reaching a peak during the first week of their seventh year. After being slipped some liquid courage in his morning tea, courtesy of Sebastian, the boy confessed his feelings for the girl, feelings which were thankfully returned by her. After years of pining, they were finally a couple, and he loved everything about her. But there was one small problem.

Early on in the relationship, Ominis discovered she had a severe aversion to being touched, something he somehow never picked up on in their time as friends. Her aversion was so severe that he wasn’t even allowed to hold her hand for more than a few minutes before she’d pull away, although she did allow him to kiss her, but only with brief pecks on her lips. 

It wasn’t a matter of her being ashamed of Ominis, this theory being easily debunked by the way she gushed about ���my boyfriend, Omins” to anyone who would listen, their frequent dates, and her general love of being in his presence. She was just exclusively afraid of physical contact. Ominis never pushed for an explanation, feeling like it was still too early in the relationship to do so. Although he knew from the early days of their friendship that she didn’t have the best upbringing, growing up in an unaffectionate home, something Ominis was all too familiar with. 

Her aversion to touch created some difficulties for Ominis, his own love language being physical touch. He was desperate to feel the skin he couldn’t see, to know her in a new way, and he cursed anyone and everything that hurt her in life that created this trauma response. But nevertheless, he accepted her fully, never pressuring her, or touching her without her consent, hoping that there would come a day where his love and support could heal her. 

—

It had been a particularly rough week for the two of them, having been partnered and assigned an enormous project for their History of Magic class. They had spent countless hours in the library working on this project, and were incredibly nervous about their grade, grades being exceptionally important in their final year of school. Upon receiving their project back, they refrained from checking their grade until they had a moment alone together in The Undercroft, wanting to either celebrate their passing grade together or wallow in sorrow at their failing grade together. When they opened their stack of parchments to see a passing score, she pulled Ominis into a rare, but absolutely welcomed embrace. Ominis inhaled deeply, the smell of her hair flooding his nose and making his heart flutter. He felt her body begin to pull away, wishing the moment could have been longer. But as soon as she pulled away, she leaned right back in, hands coming up to hold his face as she kissed him. 

When she didn’t immediately pull away, Ominis kissed her back, deepening the kiss, but reminding himself to keep his hands away from her. His mind was racing, reveling in the intimacy. But his thoughts were halted and his mind went completely blank when she slowly worked her tongue past his lips. Ominis had completely forgotten his note to self, bringing his hands to rest on her hips as his tongue mingled with hers. She let out a squeak against his lips, but continued to kiss him for another few seconds before she quickly pulled away from Ominis, breathing heavily as she caught her breath.

“I…I’m so sorry…” Her voice was small and sad, and it was clear to Ominis that she was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t make sense of her sadness, realizing that he should be the one apologizing, not her. 

“No, darling, I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to be touched. I got carried away. It won’t-”

“No. It’s not you, it's me. I’m sorry I’m such an awful girlfriend. My boyfriend can’t even hold me without me panicking.” she had begun to cry, Ominis hearing the breaks in her words. “You deserve better than me. I’m so sorry.”

Ominis’s body reacted almost involuntarily as he immediately pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair as he spoke, his heart shattering at her words.

“You are not an awful girlfriend. At all. Please don’t ever say that again. I love you, and it hurts to hear you say such things about yourself. Come, sit with me.”

Ominis led her over to the sofa they had placed in the corner of The Undercroft some time ago. He took hold of her hands once they were seated and he continued. 

“I know physical touch is hard for you. You grew up in a loveless home. I did too. Physical touch made me feel vulnerable, as I imagine it does for you as well. It used to scare me too. But once I got to Hogwarts and found myself with friends who love me, affection was no longer scary. I don’t want you to be afraid of affection. I want to help you heal from your pain. I want you to realize that you are worthy of love, and I want to be the one to love you. And, if I’m being honest, I would love nothing more than to be able to touch you, to feel you, to know your entire body inside and out. But I can be patient until you’re ready. Your comfort matters more to me than anything.”

Her tears were falling even harder now, but they were no longer tears of sadness. “Oh Ominis! What did I do to deserve a boyfriend as kind and understanding as you? I know I haven’t made things easy for you. I know it’s hard to not be able to touch me, especially with you not being able to see. But I want to get over this fear I have. I want to overcome this trauma, and I want to do it with your help. I love you, Ominis.”

She pulled him into another kiss, this kiss being softer than the first. Without breaking the kiss, she moved Ominis’s hands so that they could be wrapped around her waist before bringing her own arms around his neck. He could feel the tension melting from her body as they kissed. Already she was welcoming the idea of a more physical relationship with him. 

In a move that took Ominis by surprise, she began to lay back on to the couch, pulling Ominis down with her until he was lying on top of her. He had a moment of panic, unsure what to do, but as she began to kiss him with more passion in this new position, Ominis became the one with the tension melting from his body, adjusting so that they were both lying comfortably on the couch. 

Ominis slowly ran his hands up and down her arms, familiarizing himself with her skin, goosebumps forming in the wake of his touch. He then brought his hand up, his fingertips grazing her neck, which earned himself a soft moan. Finally, his hand came up to her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Reluctantly, he pulled his lips away from hers to catch his breath, his thumb still stroking her cheek.

“That wasn’t so bad!” she said breathlessly. “I think I really like it when you touch me. I can’t wait for you to touch me more!”

There was a hint of sultriness to her words, which sent a tingle through Ominis’s body. He ignored it, knowing that there would be plenty of time to touch her that way later. For now, he was excited to get to know the love of his life in a new way.

[dead-lights]

the old guard: first day of school

I really like doing everyone-goes-to-high-school-together AUs and I've been working with Century Conflict-era sims recently, so what better way for me to get in the mood for my Simblreen renders than to send the old guard to Copperdale together?

We've got a full house - Tess, Ethren, Keisha, Inna, Elle, Vlad, Dillon, and Maria Volkov. I aged them down to teenagers, gave them teen ambitions, reset all of their powers, and moved them into the Price family's house. Don't ask what happened to the Prices.

As expected, Maria started with negative relationships with all of the vampires. Despite that, the very first thing Inna did when I hit play was walk over to Maria to start making jokes. Despite their initially negative relationship, they were friends by lunchtime. They both have the good trait - I think that really helped.

Inna's getting into photography, and Maria is happy to model for her.

I turned one of the bedrooms into a little lounge for them. I really like making study clubs, so I had Inna set one up. By the time they were done with their homework, almost everybody was on good terms, except for Vlad, who is Vlad, and Tess, who was practicing magic outside and missed all the fun.

The next morning was their first day at school. The game kinda bugged out a bit and only Inna got event goals (and only Inna had any performance increased from going to school) but I had no time to worry about that - while the other vampires spent the previous day exploring vampire lore and were able to buy plasma packs, Vlad decided to wait for a live meal. The first thing he did was ambush the janitor.

Apparently this awakened something within Vlad, because at that moment he stated experiencing the onset of puberty.

Poor thing.

The students filtered into class - with 8 teens from one household all attending school at the same time, they took up the entire classroom. Most of them made it on time, with Ethren slipping in just in time for class to start. Maria and Vlad, on the other hand, were nowhere to be found.

Maria, as it turned out, was pumping iron in the basement. She took her sweet time getting to class - she has the genius trait, so I guess she doesn't think she needs lectures. Still, she did make it to class, even if she missed the first half.

Vlad, on the other hand, was really struggling with the whole onset of puberty thing. He flew to the bathroom and tried to give himself a pep talk. When that didn't make him feel better, he decided, fuck going to class! and flew down to the computer room to troll teh forums.

He's going through some stuff, okay

Keisha, true to form, couldn't help getting a bit silly.

Though Elle and Dillon almost maxed out their relationship the first night (they stayed up playing chess while the mortals slept) Elle has a crush on Inna. A crush that seems to be causing her actual physical pain. Not sure if it's the agony of watching Inna beaming at her werewolf bestie or just the discomfort of all those teenage hormones, but poor Elle is not having a good time. She flew off to the bathroom to give herself a pep talk.

It was at this point that I realized that Ethren was in the bathroom stall, trying to go about his business. Normally vampire bathroom ambushes involve the vampire doing the ambushing, but ok.

Elle, I know you don't show up in mirrors, but Ethren can definitely still see you.

ok maybe he can't see you. dude just straight-up walked through her, washed his hands, and went to play football with Tess.

Vlad, in the meantime, decided it was time to learn to play the violin. Elle, who actually does know how to play violin, tried to be supportive of his efforts, but ultimately couldn't take it.

I don't think he blames her.

[prettyverse2]

Things I have manifested as a result of robotic affirming/regular affirming ⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍒ɞ˚‧｡⋆

not having my device taken away at night: basically, when it was like 10 pm at night, my dad called me and my brothers, and then told me that i would have to put my device in his room, and at first i was disappointed because OBVIOUSLY i did NOT wanna have to do that, but then i remembered, i can manifest what i want, and so i said to myself: "you know what? my dad actually won't take my device because he will fall asleep before he can." then i get in my bed and use my device, and at first i had some subliminal intruding thoughts, about like if it would work or not but i pushed them away by kind of pushing myself to remember that i manifest instantly (which is actually my robotic affirmation) and then I forget for a little (cause I'm watching tiktok), and then after a while, i hear my dad SNORING (like SUPER LOUDLY which meant he ws deep asleep) and i was so shocked because i infant didn't have to put my device in his room.

getting popcorn while shopping: i went shopping with my mom and i wanted to get a snack before we left, but since we were a little tight on funds and my mom wasn't really the type to get snacks for us to eat right at the moment (she only buys snacks for school) i felt as if she wouldn't buy it for me, but then (once again) i remembered that i have been robotic affirming that "i manifest instantly" for a while, and so i decided to say that "you know, mom will get me this snack" and then when i asked her for it, she ACTUALLY DID!

toilet getting unclogged: okay... this one is a little embarrassing 😳 🫣, but anyway, i have a really sensitive toilet, and last friday it got clogged, i was so mad at the fact that it wouldn't flush and this lasted for like two days, until saturday night, i decided i wasn't going to love like that so i told myself "you know what, my toilet won't be clogged by the morning okay, so i don't need to stress about it and i can just forget about it" and after that i decided to just continue on with my day (scrolling on tiktok, pinterest, etc.) and then i fell asleep soon, but guess what? THE MORNING I WOKE UP TO USE THE BATHROOM, MY TOILET WAS BACK TO NORMAL AND IT WAS LIKE IT WASN'T CLOGGED FOR 2 DAYS! i was shocked honestly (but not really because i had been affirming "i manifest instantly" for a couple of days now). and that's to robotic affirmations and just getting off of tumblr!

having a 92% in my AP class: so basically, i had a 79% in my AP class because I had gotten a 64% on an assignment (i know horrible), and an 84% on a huge test (which was out of 100 points which isn't bad but it brought my grade DOWN) and so i had been stressing because the quarter is about to end (and i can't end it with a C on my report card (i've been getting straight A's since elementary), and so I decided to affirm. yep, i quit crying over my grade and lovked in by saying, "nope, this is glitching because i have an A in this class." And obviously, i wavered a little occasionally, but every time i did, i would go back to affirming, and i come to check today to see that i have a 92% in his class (as shown below) and during this, one of my friends had been mocking me affirming and was saying all sorts of negative things to try to get me to be discouraged but despite it all i persisted and got an A in his class, and it might even go UP after the test we take this friday!

picture proof:

getting food after a school meeting: usually we get food after we do meetings, but recently, my parents had been declining everytime i asked because once again, we are tight on funds, but i decided to manifest for it since i really wanted to get something, and then my parents just decided they wanted to get Chipotle (which we hadn't had in over a year so that was very random).

*i will be occasionally updating this list !!!

[banananuttrash]

My Answer is...

Prompt:  It's your 2nd year anniversary and you come home from work to find Murayama in your apartment cooking dinner. As the evening goes on, you notice the change in his demeanor and you find something that lets you know why.

Warnings: fluff

Request: No

Pairing: Murayama Yoshiki x Female Reader

Word count: 2k

Notes: This takes place after High & Low The Worst after Murayama graduates from Oya High.

⋈ *. : ｡✿ * ﾟ * .: ｡ ✿ * ﾟ * . : ｡ ✿ * ⋈

You slam your car door shut and let out an exasperated sigh. You walk into your apartment building and towards the elevator. You have just had one of the longest and exhausting days of your life. 

Waking up at 4 in the morning to get ready for a catering gig at work was one of the main reasons that you are irritated and drained at the moment. This catering job was your very first where you had a high-profile client and if it all went smoothly, your client was sure to recommend you to others.

The elevator dings and you step on. 

Another thing that has irritated you is that you spent so much time preparing for this job that you had barely spent some quality time with your boyfriend. This led to the other reason why you were on edge. Today is your 2nd year anniversary and you haven’t seen him all day. To make matters worse, all he did was send a text message around noon saying, 

Happy 2nd Anniversary Y/N! I love you! 💕

And that was it.

The elevator doors open and you walk towards your front door. You look for your keys and fumble with the lock.

You get your door open and step inside. As you take off your shoes, you notice something weird about your apartment. The lights in your living room and the kitchen are on, and you know for a fact that you turned them off in the morning because you turn them off every morning before heading out.

For a second in your head, you think maybe you just forgot, until you hear a clang-like noise from the kitchen.

Your breath leaves your body and you freeze up. Since you are such a negative thinker, the worst scenario comes to mind. Someone broke into your home and you are robbed.

You slowly and quietly put your purse down on the small table next to your front door and grab the umbrella that you keep by the door. As you make your way towards the kitchen, you keep moving slowly, trying not to make any noise,

Passing your living room, you get closer to the opening in your kitchen and then something catches your eye. There is a shadow coming from the kitchen that you see on the wall. The shadow keeps getting bigger, so you realize that the person is coming out of the kitchen.

You hear the intruder say something but your fighting instincts take over. You start whacking the intruder with your umbrella. As you see him fall on the floor, you jump on him and put him in a headlock just like your boyfriend taught you.

The man starts tapping on your arm and breathlessly says, “Y/N! It’s me! It’s Yoshiki!”

You look down at him in the light and notice the familiar body of your boyfriend. You gasp, immediately let him go and begin to apologize, “Yoshiki! I’m so sorry! I thought you were an intruder.”

As you both stand up, he holds his throat and says, “Glad to know that the self-defense classes are working.”

“Aw babe, I’m sorry,” you pout at him. Then you ask, “What are you doing here?”

He grabs you by the waist and gives you his smile that always makes your knees turn soft (A/N: We all know the smile), “I wanted to do something for our anniversary. I know I was a little MIA today and I’m sorry, but I had to make tonight perfect.”

You take a moment and look around your apartment and see what Yoshiki had done. At your dining table, you see a candle lit with some flowers in a vase. You also notice the food cooking on the stove and, to your surprise, it smells pleasant. Seeing what he had meant to surprise you with, you started to feel bad about how you were feeling resentment towards him during the day.

"I love it," you wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips to his. It had been a couple of days since you had seen each other and touch was definitely Murayama and your's love language.

Before the kiss gets any more heated, Murayama pulls back and says, "Hold on, I have the whole night planned out and I want it to be perfect. How about you wash up and I'll finish dinner." 

Giving him a quick peck on the lips, you respond with, "Okay."

~*~*~*~*~*~

As you finish your shower and change into your clothes, you start to think about how you first met Murayama.

You were at a bar after work with a couple of friends. He had come in with Furuya and Seki. You thought he was cute and your eyes kept wandering towards him every now and then. 

One of your friends had noticed and dared you to talk to him and ask him out. If you didn't, you have to pay for the rest of the drinks that night. Thinking you had nothing to lose, you gave it a try, but your introverted self thought of all the ways that this could go wrong. You walked up to him and introduced yourself. You found out that he was interested in you as well and he asked you out on a date. The rest was history.

At first, you thought it wouldn't work out because of your very different personalities. However, as time went on, you realized that he was just what you needed. Murayama pushed you out of your comfort zone and to try new things. He was also the one who pushed you to start your catering business. Which boomed from the start.

"Y/N! Dinner is ready, are you done yet?,” you hear Murayama ask from the kitchen.

“Coming!”

Dinner was way better than you anticipated. Usually you are the one to cook for the both of you, so it was needless to say that you were a bit skeptical about giving him all the reins in your kitchen.

As you finish up dinner, you lean over and kiss Murayama on the cheek, “It was delicious, I loved it!”

Murayama smiles back at you and says, “I’m glad, I followed the recipes to the letter. I wanted to make sure it all tasted good for you.”

You go to pick up your plates to wash them, but Murayama stops you, “I got it, don't worry!”

You pout at him, “Yoshiki, you cooked for us, it’s only fair that I wash.”

He smiles and pecks your lips, “I know, but you’ve had a long day, and I want you to relax. Go wait on the couch, I’ll bring you dessert.”

You fake a gasp, “You made dessert as well? I’m so lucky.”

He lets out a laugh and says, “Not that lucky. I did not want to waste my luck, so I decided on getting a cake. I got it from your favorite bakery.”

You smile as you head to the living room, “Ooo, I can taste the frosting now.”

You decide to turn on the TV and watch something as you wait for Murayama. After a couple of minutes, he comes in with a slice of your favorite cake.

As he hands it to you, you notice the change in his demeanor since earlier. He looks a little flustered and rattled. You notice that he keeps rubbing the back of his neck, which is a habit that you noticed he does when he is nervous and anxious. You look at him but his eyes look like they are somewhere else.

“Yoshiki? Is everything okay?,” you ask with concern in your voice.

He lets out a small laugh and continues to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah, everything is okay! Couldn’t be better! I’ll be right back, I have to get my slice,” then he dashes back to the kitchen like his butt is on fire.

You start to wonder what is up with him, especially since he wasn’t acting that way a few minutes ago.

You go back to watching TV and grab one of your small couch pillows for your plate of cake. As you settle the pillow on your lap, you notice a small black box that must’ve been hidden behind the small pillow. You grab it and inspect it, and realize it looks like a ring box.

You feel your breath getting caught in your throat. You begin to wonder what it could mean. Was Murayama going to propose to you? Maybe it wasn’t a ring? Was this why he was acting on edge? Should you put it back and hide it?

The temptation to open the box kept growing inside of you. You didn't know what to do and just held it and stared.

“Y/N!”

You turn around and see that Murayama was looking at you, more specifically the box in your hands with eyes wide. Next thing you know, Murayama jumps over the couch, reaching for the box. He uses so much force that he knocks you along with him onto the floor, causing the cake to flop on the floor too.

Once he gets the box, he turns his back to you and starts muttering to himself. You gently put your hand on his back and whisper, “Yoshiki, is everything okay?”

He groans and turns to look at you, still hiding the box, “It wasn’t supposed to go like this. I had been planning everything for so long, and then I had to go and lose the stupid ring box!”

You look at his face and you can tell that he is upset at himself. You both sit in silence for a minute before you start laughing.

Murayama scrunches his eyebrows and looks at you suspiciously, “Why are you laughing?”

Through your giggles you say, “Because, if someone were to lose an engagement ring…” more giggles came out of you, “...it would only be you!”

Murayama pouts, "Oi! It's not like I did it on purpose! I had so many things on my mind for today that I just forgot where I placed it…" he finishes off with a mumble.

You continue to giggle to yourself, "I swear you won't lose your head because it's attached to you." He looks at you and you both start laughing together.

After you both let out your laughs, Murayama brings the box in front of him. It gets so quiet that you're so sure that you can hear a pin drop. You feel your heart start beating so fast that you think it's going to jump out of your chest. 

He slowly opens the box and you see a simple yet beautiful ring inside. In a low voice he says, "Y/N…"

You feel your eyes start to water as you start to feel overwhelmed. You couldn't believe what was happening! You are about to get engaged! 

"Eh?! Y/N, why are you crying? Are you not happy? Oh no! I made a mistake! You know what, nevermind…" Murayama starts to close the ring box and put it away. 

However, you stop him and say, "No Yoshiki, these are happy tears."

He looks a little skeptical, but when he sees your smile he holds out the box. "Y/N, I know that I don't have much and that you could practically have any other man-"

You lean on him and press your lips against his. As if on instinct, he puts his arms around your lower back and you put yours around his neck. As your lips meet in sync, you hear a small groan come from him. He pulls back a little and whines, "Y/N… I practiced a whole speech for this. Kissing me is also not giving me a direct answer."

You look into his eyes that are glowing and full of love. You lean back and give him a quick peck before saying, "Save it for the altar."

You take one of your hands and press it to his cheek. While smiling, you say, "My answer is 'Yes'."

[eldaryasharbinger]

MCL New Gen Ep. 7 Review

As I'm getting ready to play episode 8, I'm taking the time to finish my ep 7 review!! Stay tuned as I plan to play it right after I post it, so my long awaited (let's pretend) opinion on the controversial episode 8 will come soon!!

As per usual, everything goes below the cut!

Let's start with some of the screenshots I took, since I believe these are what I mainly wanted to talk about!

This doesn't have much relevance, but I thought it was funny since it used to happen to me too, I've learned to keep the volume of my computer muted and I've realized it doesn't make any sounds at start up, but it still happens sometimes that I forget the volume all the way up after I showed my work to my boss the previous day, and I always get startled by it in the morning,, (I edit videos and I usually tend to keep the volume on the low, but he's always complaining thay he can't hear it so he turns it up so much that pretty much all the office can hear it, unnecessary but very funny at times since we usually joke about it😭)

Most hated moment for me so far, It made me so incredibly uncomfortable and that's because I've hears these exact words, in a much more negative way, and it kind of triggered the bad memories that come with it

I find it INSANE that Candy's mother would rather her adult daughter get late at her job because of her other daughter, that's also skipping classes, is occupying the bathroom

Others have pointed out that how come a renowned architect such as her mother, planned a house with only one bathroom?? I'm NOT buying the whole "you both will eventually move out" thing because then what's the point of giving them their own rooms? for future guests? she seriously made a huge-ass house, pool included, to only have one bathroom? Stupid as fuck and NOT THOUGHT AT ALL on Beemoov's part (what a surprise...)

And since I've been in a similar situation, let me tell you that this is the most egoistic thing a mother can say. Who knows when she'll get to move out? Why make them suffer like this just because you were too lazy to make another bathroom?

My real life version of course doesn't exactly involve bathrooms, but my mom decided to buy a house that's fit for a single person/couple, and there's three of us living here, so I ended up having to share a room (and king-sized bed) with my sister that is 10 years older than me with whom I have a strained relationship, the lack of privacy and time to myself is still impacting my everyday life, and don't let me start talking about the storage space because it's critical.

Her decision to buy this house when she fully knew that I definitely wouldn't manage to get my own place that soon was so egoistical, we've told her plenty of times but she never listened and went on.

I wasn't that sure about Zahra and Tasha, but after this episode I definitely do not like them at all, I don't know if Beemoov did it on purpose, I doubt it, but there's definitely nothing funny about this. Especially since Zahra's expression wasn't the one of someone that's joking, she looked almost angry at us for "complaining"

They're communicating telepathically because they're both on the spectrum 🤭

oooOOOOooooh! Someone is jealous!! I didn't expect him to say something about it (Thomas was the one that found her in the mirror maze with Jason) but I'm actually so glad, I didn't know I needed this until I got it... I also love how she's low-key teasing him about it "I'm sure he would've been happy to do it..." HEHEHE

HER AWKWARD SMILE MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH I literally had to stop for a second just to laugh at this,, It was so silly and fun,,

-----------------------------------------

I felt a little bad for Petronilla during the visit, at first I thought it was hilarious but then OF COURSE Jason had to be a b*tch about it!! Maybe it was his way to get "revenge" about her teasing earlier... Also, stupid for both me and her to think that he'd behave 😭😭🙏🏻 I should've seen it coming,, And yeah, if I were in her position I'd react the same way, even if I didn't experience what she experienced with Ioan.

All that made up stuff, if not cleared up, could damage someone's reputation so much! Low-key disgusting behavior on his part, but since he felt genuinely sorry and tried ro console her (after being a dick...) It made up for the suffering 🥲👍🏻

So far, imI enjoyed this episode and how chaotic it was, I kinda feel bad for Petronilla since being with Jason is nice in a way but sooo stressful in another, but I've been enjoying every bit of his route so far, I love his more gentle and caring moments, and I can't wait to see what's coming next! I hope they keep the sweetness of it and don't turn him into some kind of bdsm king or something because that would 100% ruin it all for me, I'd seriously start a history replay and maybe switch to Thomas's or Amanda's routes😭🙏🏻

THE SCENE WAS EVERYTHING I fear I can't stop winning in New Gen, first Jason mendal omg, second the story being PERFECT for my oc and so far it's even better than I could even imagine... THEN I GET A CHANCE TO GET STUPID PACK THAT'S BEEN ON MY MIND EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW IT??

Only thing I'm missing is a change in the Style contests to make it more fair for everyone AND THEN THAT'S IT, THEY TAILORED THIS GAME FOR MEEEEEE (I'm just being silly but it's all coming together so nicely that I literally love everything about new gen and it keeps getting better and better...)

-----------------------------------------

This ^^^ whole part bellow the Illustration I wrote right after the episode as I was laying down the screenshots to prepare the review... And now Beemoov has confirmed that they're reworking the voting system... I may be something's harbinger after all... Everyone ask me anything, apparently I'm the true fortune teller/jk

The last bit "it's getting better and better" might've aged horribly seeing what others think about episode 8 but I'll have to see for myself 😭👍🏻

I think I've wrote less than usual once again, but I'll blame it on time passing and me forgetting 🥲 I'm also currently dying my hair so I might be a little distracted,,

I don't have anything else to add, so thank you for reading! See you soon with another review, that I'll try to have ready in time and not after months,,

[claudemblems]

Operation "Kiss the Girl" | Chapter 3: The Final Date

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Summary: It's the last day you have to win the heart of Azul Ashengrotto and get him to kiss you, otherwise you will be fated to remain a mermaid forever. Will he return your feelings and save you with the power of true love's kiss? You will only know once you can gather the courage to confess your love to him...

Genre: Fem!Reader. Lots of pining. Fluff.

Notes: This is a long one at 4,500+ words! I wanted it to be a satisfying ending, and I truly hope it fulfills your expectations 💜 I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for reading this little project of mine.

Today would be the day where your life would change, for the worse or for the better.

This would be the day where you would confess your feelings to Azul, and if all went well, he would return them and gladly break your curse of mermaidism with a kiss. But nothing is ever as easy as it seems, and, though you had begun to believe that maybe he felt the same way about you, you couldn’t shake off the doubts that clung to the back of your mind. 

What if I’m imagining things? What if this is just wishful thinking? What if all my efforts to win his heart have been for nothing…?

You shook your head, dispelling the negative thoughts. No. I didn’t come all this way to give up now. Whatever happened, you would accept his answer with grace. Azul didn’t owe you anything. He didn’t owe you a “yes” or a cure for your predicament that he wasn’t responsible for causing. In fact, after all he’d done for you, you were the one that owed him. After the day’s end, you decided, you would start planning out a way to show him just how much you truly appreciated him.

A buzz in your pocket pulled you out of your wandering thoughts, and you pulled out your phone to find a text from Azul.

“I’ll be there in two minutes. I got a little lost along the way.”

You couldn’t stifle the small laugh that escaped you. Azul had never been good with directions, at least on land. Really, he was more of a fish out of water than you were.

After the events of yesterday, Azul had called later that evening to check if you were feeling better. He didn’t trust Ace and Deuce to take care of you, especially when he believed they’d actually ditched you while they went to class. I’m going to have to tell him the truth about that, for those two dummies’ sakes, at least. But once you’d assured him that you were feeling much better, he’d offered you a proposition.

“If you’re feeling up to it, would you like to accompany me to a local festival tomorrow? It might help get your mind off of things…but please, don’t feel obligated to accept my invitation! I know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, so I don’t want to add more onto your plate. I just—” “It’s okay, Azul,” you laughed, smiling to yourself. Azul couldn’t help his rambling when he got nervous, but you found it to be a cute habit of his. “I’d love to go…is it just going to be the two of us?” “Yes…is that okay?” “Of course. I need a break from these two over here anyways.” “I don’t blame you.”

And so Azul had unknowingly scheduled your last “date” for you. When you’d told Ace and Deuce the news, they’d made Jade and Floyd aware of the new plans, and they reached a consensus that they would “observe” your date to make sure everything went smoothly. 

Ah yes, totally not spying.

And, of course, Rook had just “happened to be on a stroll nearby” when he overheard the conversation and insisted on helping you as well.

This was how he and Vil had ended up doing your makeup for the first date. He’d just conveniently walked by at a good time. His whereabouts totally weren’t related to him researching people, especially the octo trio, every chance he got.

Either way, you were thankful for the help, and so you took him up on his offer.

That morning, Vil, Rook, and Epel did your makeup and hair and picked out a cute yet stylish flowy dress for you to be comfortable in. And to tie the look together, Vil had gifted you a pair of heels that he’d been given from one of his many brand partnerships. They happened to fit you just perfectly, and once the three were satisfied with your look, they sent you off on your way, telling you to come back home before midnight. You’d rolled your eyes at their antics, but you were glad to have their support. 

“[Name], I’m here!”

“Oh!” You snapped out of your thoughts as Azul came running into view wearing a sheepish smile. “Sorry I’m a little late. I got the directions mixed up, and Jade and Floyd were talking to me nonstop. I don’t even know what about, but they seemed really excited for some reason.”

I can guess why…

“It’s okay! I wasn’t doing anything anyways.”

“Well, that’s good to hear then.” Azul extended his arm for you to take, ever the gentleman as always. “Shall we go look around the festival?”

You nodded as you slipped your arm around his, your heart fluttering in your chest at the brush of his skin against yours.

“What would you like to do first? Shopping?” he asked with a knowing smile. 

“Hmm…what gave it away that I like shopping?”

“Maybe the assortment of plushies scattered around your dorm.”

“I…Those are Grim’s!”

“Ah, of course they are. My apologies.”

“That smirk on your face says that you’re not sorry at all, Ashengrotto.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

As if things couldn’t possibly get more ironic, the festival that Azul had invited you to was ocean-themed, particularly focused around mermaids. The glittering shells and bubbles that lined the streets and stalls made it obvious for anyone who might have been unsure. 

“It’s quite a nice theme for a festival, don’t you think?” Azul asked, an unmistakable sparkle in his eyes. Oh, right. He’s a merperson. He must be happy to see all these references to his home.

“Speaking of oceans…” you began, “what do you think of mermaids?”

“Mermaids?” Azul considered your question as you two aimlessly wandered along the carpeted streets made to look like the deep seafloor. “They’re crafty creatures, that’s for sure, but they’re nowhere near as dangerous as sirens.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Wait, how did Professor Crewel manage to get sirens’ songs to power your necklace? …Maybe you didn’t want to know.

“But, if I’m being honest…” A smile played at the edges of Azul’s lips, but if he was brimming with excitement, he didn’t show it. It seemed that even out in public, he still tried to maintain his cool and collected businessman persona. “They’re fascinating. I may be used to seeing them all the time, but there’s a mysterious allure to them. It’s like I can’t learn enough about them to satiate my curiosity. Perhaps one of these days I’ll have the opportunity to do business with one.”

He likes mermaids? Well, if your confession didn’t go well, at least you had that going for you.

“I quite like them, too,” you answered before your eyes landed on something shiny in the distance. Without warning, you picked up your pace, nearly running to the booth that displayed the eye-catching object. 

“Wow,” you breathed, eyes growing wide. On the table was a pair of pearl earrings, diamonds attached to the ends of the chains. “These are gorgeous.”

“Aren’t they?” the vendor added, flashing you what had to be a well-rehearsed smile. There was no doubt they’d managed to secure several successful sales with it. 

“Oh, these are rather pretty,” Azul said once he’d caught up with you. He gently took them in his hands (much to the obvious annoyance of the vendor), inspecting the jewels. “These are 100% authentic diamonds and pearls. What a surprise. You’d think the first pieces of jewelry you’d find at a festival would be overpriced knockoffs not worth half the price they’d be going for.”

“I can assure you, sir,” the vendor replied, “that my jewelry is completely genuine and worth the cost. But if you’re still not persuaded to buy them, I could find it in my heart to offer you a small discount.”

“A discount? Whatever for?”

“For your girlfriend, of course,” the vendor answered, nodding their head towards you. “She can’t take her eyes off of them.”

WHAT???!!!

Heat rushed to your cheeks as you tried to stutter out a reply. “We—he’s—well—”

“That would be great. How much of a discount could you give us? Would you throw in a freebie as well?”

“I’ll tell you what. If you buy one of these little rings, I’ll give you a free hair accessory of your choosing.”

“It’s a deal, then.”

WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!

“Um, A-Azul, are you sure about this—”

“Shh,” he replied, pressing a finger to his lips and sending you a wink. “They don’t need to know.”

I think he needs to know he’s making my heart race right now!

Before you could muster up the courage to speak, Azul had already picked out a beautiful ring and hair accessory that perfectly matched the pearl earrings. When the vendor had boxed up the items for him, Azul took out a stack of madol and handed it to them without even so much as considering the expense.

Azul…was buying you things…without even despairing over the cost of it all.

Yeah, you had to be going insane.

“Thank you so much for your generosity! I’m sure my darling [Name] will wear these pieces for a long time.”

Darling.

You felt as though you might just faint.

“[Name], are you all right? You look a little pale. Shall we find somewhere to sit down for a while? I can get you something to eat, too, if necessary.”

“I’m fine, Azul,” you reassured, gently patting his arm. But my heart is not. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Actually,” the jewelry vendor cut in, “there’s a karaoke lounge a little ways down the street. It’s also part of the festival, so everything inside coincides with the ocean theme, including the songs, of course.”

Was the world of Twisted Wonderland just laughing in your face at your predicament now? 

“That sounds like a good idea. Come on, let’s go rest up for a little bit. I’ll lead the way.”

“Aren’t you bad with directions, though?” you asked, flashing Azul a cheeky smile. 

“Well, you certainly don’t feel bad enough to stop teasing me, so I think we can take our time getting there.”

Despite the pout on his lips, you could see how he visibly began to relax, any stress he felt cascading off of him.

He was worried, more so than he let on. Worried about you. 

It was a nice feeling having his full attention. You could get used to it.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

“Come on, Azul! You didn’t bring me to a karaoke place just so you could sit there and not sing something yourself, did you?”

“I brought you here so you could get some rest! I wasn’t planning on having a concert!”

You laughed at the sight of Azul’s cheeks flushing red. How cute. 

“Sing one song with me, please~?”

“Trust me, you do not want to hear me sing.”

“But didn’t you perform with Malleus at that masquerade thing? You sounded really good!”

“Oh, I’d forgotten I did that,” Azul mumbled, tapping a finger on his chin in contemplation. “I only did it because he insisted—hey, don’t try to change the subject!” He crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. “You’d have to pay me a hefty sum to sing karaoke of all things.”

“Well, what if I made a deal with you?”

Azul raised a brow. “A deal?”

You took a seat next to him in the private room you’d reserved, leaving almost no space between your bodies. Azul took a nervous gulp, but didn’t dare make his nerves any more noticeable than they needed to be.

“How about this: if you sing a duet with me, I’ll perform a show at Mostro Lounge. The students will definitely want to stop by if they hear a girl is going to be singing, right?”

“W-Well…” Azul adjusted his glasses. “You do have a point, but…”

“But…?”

A few moments of silence followed.

Oh no, did you manage to upset him?

But before you had a chance to apologize, Azul spoke again.

“I’d…rather you just sing for me, and nobody else…”

Your eyes grew wide, your breath catching in your throat. Your pulse thrummed with hope and a growing anticipation. Was this bold admission a glimpse into Azul’s deeper feelings, ones that he’d kept in total secrecy? This had to be a sign, a nudge telling you to keep trying to win his heart. Something in the air was shifting between you two, you could feel it.

But what exactly was it?

You smiled at him. “Well, then, how should I repay you for singing with me?”

Suddenly, you became aware of your close proximity to him. Your skin grew hot, heartbeat becoming erratic, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to pull away. If anything, you were leaning in closer…

And you were certain Azul was, too.

But the dreamlike trance you two had fallen into was shattered as Azul came to his senses. 

“You don’t have to repay me,” he answered, redirecting his gaze from you to the glass of juice sitting on the table. “...I’ll sing with you.”

Were you just imagining the tension in the atmosphere earlier? Had you read it all wrong?

Either way, you weren’t going to pass up an opportunity to sing with your crush.

“Okay. How does ‘Part of Your World’ sound?”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

You both had decided that just singing ‘Part of Your World’ just wasn’t enough, and so you two continued on performing more songs from the same soundtrack, including ‘Under the Sea,’ ‘Fathoms Below,’ and ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls.’” Thankfully, it seemed that Azul was enjoying himself, sending you smiles and even meeting you eye-to-eye as he sang some of the lines. You were just glad to see that he wasn’t angry with you with what happened earlier. As long as he was having a good time, you couldn’t ask for anything else.

But he’d sung enough for one day, he’d decided, and so you chose one more song to sing on your own before you two left to explore more of the festival.

The song you chose to end the karaoke session on was ‘Part of Your World (Reprise)’.

“What would I give to live where you are?” you sang, turning yourself away from the screen to meet Azul’s eyes, wishing that the lyrics would resonate in his heart like a love letter written just for him. 

“What would I pay to stay here beside you?”

Azul’s cheeks flushed, and you had to keep yourself from grinning even wider.

“What would I do to see you smiling at me?

Where would we walk, where would we run

If we could stay all day in the sun?

Just you and me, and I could be

Part of your world…”

After the last note fell off your lips, Azul responded with applause. Despite the obvious flustered state you’d rendered him into, he was gazing at you with such a soft and happy expression. It seemed that your words might have just reached him after all.

“That was beautiful,” he replied. “Your voice is beautiful. You should sing more often.”

“I could,” you answered, “but it would only be for you.”

“Oh. Oh.”

You giggled, throwing him a wink before gathering your drinks. “We should take these back to the front and let the staff know we’re done in here, right?” Before Azul could answer your question, you were already out of the door, your quick footsteps matching the quick rhythm of your heart.

You’d never flirted with him so blatantly before. It was terrifying, but it was also a feeling that left you light-headed, one that added a little spring into your step.

You’d like to try it again if you ever got the chance.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

After a few more hours spent partaking in the festivities, the day was finally drawing to a close. You and Azul had retreated to a nearby beach, strolling along the sandy shores in a peaceful silence. The sky had slowly begun to turn from a bright blue into a rosy pink, signaling the beginning of the sunset.

This was it. This was the moment you’d been building up to these past three days, a fairytale ending that would break your curse, and Azul was your prince that would save you from your terrible fate.

At least, you hoped so. If all this amounted to nothing, you would end up a mermaid destined to spend the rest of her life in an unfamiliar sea, never to return home.

Despite your desire to become a human once more, this wasn’t all some elaborate plan to trick Azul into helping you. You realized after all this time together that you truly loved him. You adored every part of him, and even if he turned you down, you would forever be grateful that you had the chance to meet him. 

Well, here goes nothing…

“Azul, thank you for taking me to the festival today. I had a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad,” he answered, turning to smile at you. “That’s all I could have asked for.”

And yet here I am, asking for more.

“But…I have something I have to tell you.”

Azul stopped in his tracks, attention fully on you. His brows were furrowed, giving his worry away. “Of course. Is something wrong?”

“Well, yes and no, to be honest,” you laughed, but Azul’s eyes were filled with a growing concern. “”I just…I…I don’t know how to say it…” You breathed out a shaky sigh as you covered your face with your hands. “No. No, I can’t get cold feet now!”

“Hey,” Azul soothed, placing his hands gently on your shoulders. “It’s all right. You have nothing to be afraid of. I’m here to listen to you. You’re safe with me.”

Though the anxiety in the pit of your stomach seemed to keep growing, his calm voice at least pulled you out of your shell. You removed your hands that shielded your red cheeks and lifted your eyes to his, desperate to find the courage to speak your feelings out into the world.

If you couldn’t do it like the way you practiced—romantic and perfect in every way—it didn’t matter. He just needed to know. 

“Azul, I’m in love with you, and I need you to know before I find myself doomed to never have an opportunity to say it again.”

Azul’s eyes shot open, mouth agape in shock. His pale complexion had taken on a brilliant shade of red as his mouth tried to form the right words to respond, but he couldn't manage to speak.

“I got into an accident in alchemy class in which Ace and Deuce accidentally gave me a curse of mermaidism. I only have three days to get my true love to kiss me, otherwise I’ll stay a mermaid forever. Professor Crewel gave me this magical necklace which allows me to stay a human for a short period of time, but it won’t last forever. By the time today’s sunset appears over the horizon, I will turn into a mermaid forever. I will have to leave everything behind to live in the sea, never to be a human again.”

The words seemed to spill from your tongue, and though this was quite a clumsy way of confessing everything, you were overcome with nervousness, and your time was running out. You just hoped his quick-witted mind would pick up on every detail, and that his heart would be inclined to help you, even if he didn’t even love you back.

“That’s why I had dinner with you in the Mostro Lounge, and why I pretended to be sick, and why I joined you at this festival, now deciding to divulge my feelings to you. But despite all of that, my feelings for you were never a lie or some sort of trick. I truly love you, so so much. And I’m so thankful for you. Thank you for being there for me, for being by my side, and for taking care of me. Even if you don’t love me back, Azul…thank you for everything.”

The sun had just started to peek over the sea, and taking Azul’s silence as rejection, you readied yourself for the new and uncertain future ahead of you.

That’s what you were preparing yourself for until a sniffle reached your eyes.

You raised your head to meet Azul’s gaze, and for a moment, time stopped.

Tears brimmed at the edges of his eyes as he gave you the most beautiful smile you’d ever seen him wear. The sight alone made your heart swell, and you swore you never felt so loved in your entire life. Without a word even being spoken, his expression alone had conveyed all that and more to you.

“You’re so silly,” was Azul’s first response, his hands brushing away the stray strands of hair that had fallen in front of your face. 

Silly…is that a good thing?

Azul laughed, no doubt catching the confusion on your face. “You should have told me earlier. I would have kissed you a long time ago.”

“W-What?” you breathed, your heart beat picking up its pace.

“Have you not realized?” Azul blushed, voice growing softer. “I’ve loved you for a long time now.”

Oh. Oh. 

“Really?” Your voice was barely more than a whisper, tentative yet hopeful.

“Yes,” Azul replied. “Although, if you’d asked me then, I probably would have turned into a stuttering mess before I could finally manage to squeak out a ‘yes’.”

A light laugh managed to escape you at the thought. “That would have been cute, though.”

“You’re making me embarrassed just thinking about it.”

Still, Azul’s smile never faltered. If anything, it only grew as he pulled you into him, wrapping his arms securely around you. “Thank you for returning my feelings, [Name]. It is the greatest honor that could ever be bestowed upon me.”

“You don’t have to be so formal,” you laughed, closing your eyes and hugging him tighter. “But the honor is all mine…”

He hummed, his fingers dancing along your back, leaving goosebumps along your skin.

“So…” you began, “is that a ‘yes’ to accepting my feelings?”

Azul pulled back slightly to playfully tap your forehead. “I think so, considering I just bared my whole heart to you.”

“Just checking.”

Azul playfully rolled his eyes at your teasing as you breathed out a long sigh of relief, your body finally relaxing after a long day of mulling over how this moment would play out. It turns out you had nothing to be concerned about, after all. In fact, your confession went much better than you ever expected.

“I was really worried how I was going to win over your heart,” you admitted. “I thought I had to pull out all the stops to make you fall for me.”

Azul shook his head at your words. “You already had my heart. There was no need to win it over.”

Your cheeks burned once more, but this time you chose not to hide your face from view. Instead, you looked directly into Azul’s bright eyes glistening with something that could only be described as pure euphoria.

I can’t remember a time where I’ve ever felt so happy.

And it seems the same can be said for him, too.

“Wait, you said you had until sunset, right?” Azul asked, suddenly remembering your words from earlier.

“Oh…yes, that’s right.” You had gotten so caught up in your excitement that you’d nearly forgotten the urgency of your current situation. 

And as if on cue, the mermaid scales had begun to reappear on your skin. Azul’s eyes followed yours down to your arms, and he extended his hand, asking for permission to touch you. You nodded in approval, and lifting your arm, he took in the sight of the brilliant shades of teal covering your skin.

“You know, if you ever did decide to become a mermaid, you’d make quite the beautiful one.”

“...You’re no fair, Azul” you sighed, this time unable to keep yourself from hiding your blushing face from view. You heard Azul chuckle quietly to himself, but you decided to let him off the hook for trying to get you all flustered…for now.

“Well, shall I, as your true love, set you free from this dreadful curse?”

You giggled at his theatrics, deciding to join in on the fun. “Please, my darling prince, rescue me with true love’s kiss.”

And before you knew it, his hand was on your cheek and his face was inches from yours, giving you an opportunity to change your mind or object. But when you smiled back at him, he returned the gesture, and slowly, painstakingly so, he leaned in until his lips finally descended upon yours in a moment of pure bliss.

As soon as his lips touched yours, you felt the scales disappear into your skin like ripples along the water’s surface, gone as if they’d never been there in the first place.

His mouth moved carefully against yours like gentle ocean waves, pulling you in deeper and deeper before pushing you back out to shore. But you dove in again and again, wanting to get lost in the tide, as long as it meant you could remain with him. Indeed, you’d let yourself get pulled into the depths of the sea just so you would never have to part from him again. That was why you needed to bask in his touch until the very last moment, to keep this memory etched in your mind forever.

When the need for a breath finally arose, Azul’s lips left yours, slightly swollen and faintly pink from the stains of your lipstick.

“Wow,” were the first words to fall from his mouth after your kiss, and it was such a sincere and sweet reaction that it made you burst into giggles.

He just gets cuter and cuter as the days go by.

“Even though I would have never wanted you to find yourself in this predicament in the first place,” Azul began, taking one of your hands in his, “I’m glad it brought us together in the end. If you left Twisted Wonderland before I found the courage to confess, I would have spent the rest of my life regretting it.”

“Well then…maybe we should thank Ace and Deuce later?”

“No, those two are idiots. I’m just glad they didn’t accidentally turn you into a frog.”

Your laughter echoed with the sounds of the ocean waves, creating a happy and serene atmosphere that left you feeling more at peace than you’d been in a long time. And now with your curse cured, you could look forward to all the memories you could continue to make on land, but this time, with Azul by your side.

Wordlessly, you entwined your hands with his, and the two of you turned to stare out at the sea, hearts full of new and beautiful feelings.

Three days had passed, and now a lifetime of them spent loving Azul remained.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - North and South Weekly - Chapter 7

In which the Hale family finds a new home…

“In such towns in the south of England, Margaret had seen the shopmen, when not employed in their business, lounging a little at their doors, enjoying the fresh air, and the look up and down the street. Here, if they had any leisure from customers, they made themselves business in the shop—even, Margaret fancied, to the unnecessary unrolling and re-rolling of ribbons. All these differences struck upon her mind, as she and her mother went out next morning to look for lodgings.”

Already, Margaret is noticing a stark difference between her beloved Helstone and this new town. Here, they keep themselves as busy as possible, with no time for leisure or enjoyment. Here, the colors are less vibrant and everything has a purpose: no frills. Margaret may be of a practical mind, but I can tell she won’t like this change.

“Their two nights at hotels had cost more than Mr. Hale had anticipated, and they were glad to take the first clean, cheerful rooms they met with that were at liberty to receive them. There, for the first time for many days, did Margaret feel at rest. There was a dreaminess in the rest, too, which made it still more perfect and luxurious to repose in.”

Yikes, Mr. Hale didn’t plan ahead on the hotel costs, hm? Not off to a great start, but I am glad they have rooms and Margaret is able to rest at last. For the first time in weeks, she’s able to let herself breathe and not be stressed by her parents’ problems. Good for her!!!

“One evening it was arranged that Margaret and her father should go the next day to Milton-Northern, and look out for a house. Mr. Hale had received several letters from Mr. Bell, and one or two from Mr. Thornton, and he was anxious to ascertain at once a good many particulars respecting his position and chances of success there, which he could only do by an interview with the latter gentleman. Margaret knew that they ought to be removing; but she had a repugnance to the idea of a manufacturing town, and believed that her mother was receiving benefit from Heston air, so she would willingly have deferred the expedition to Milton.”

Unfortunately, it can’t last :( I’m not sure I agree with Margaret’s “repugnance” to Milton, but I understand this is part of her arc and I’m eager to see how she’ll react once she learns more about the people of the town. ALSO, Mr. Thornton mention!!! 👀 I may not have read the book before, but I happen to know he’s an important character, hehe…

“Quick they were whirled over long, straight, hopeless streets of regularly-built houses, all small and of brick. Here and there a great oblong many-windowed factory stood up, like a hen among her chickens, puffing out black “unparliamentary” smoke, and sufficiently accounting for the cloud which Margaret had taken to foretell rain…

“…People thronged the footpaths, most of them well-dressed as regarded the material, but with a slovenly looseness which struck Margaret as different from the shabby, threadbare smartness of a similar class in London.”

The language Gaskell uses here is very negative and solemn, reflecting Margaret’s true feelings regarding Milton. Some of this may be an honest depiction of how Milton looks, but I know more of it is through Margaret’s biased and negative perspective of the town. “Slovenly” (or, “dirty”) is a lot worse to be than “shabby” (or, “in poor condition through lack of care”).

Margaret and her father take a look at the available houses in their price range and much like the drama of HGTV, they don’t know which one to pick. Every one seems wrong for some reason. However, Margaret once again activates her “problem-solving” mode and comes up with a way for them to make house #2 work, though it’ll come at the cost of ugly wallpaper and Mr. Hale having his own study (if you think I feel bad for him here, you would be wrong). Again, I absolutely love seeing her in this mode!!! She’s so in her element and it’s great to see her so at ease after the stress of these past weeks. This line in particular is my favorite, though:

“‘Oh, wait a minute. I am overpowered by the discovery of my own genius for management.’”

YES GIRL 👏👏👏👏👏 SELF-CONFIDENT QUEEN (she could just mean “penchant”, as opposed to “brilliance” but still — I’m glad she knows she’s good at this). The wallpaper is not something they want to compromise on, and they hope to have Mr. Hale charm the landlord into letting them re-papering it. Not the guy *I* would have charm people (that’s not on my list of attributes I’ve seen from him), but hey he was a pastor. He should be good with people…so I guess this makes sense.

So, Mr. Hale leaves and Margaret is hoping to get a bit of rest…but there’s no time for a petty thing as rest!!! Mr. Thornton has called for them!!! Well…her father. But still 👀

“Margaret opened the door and went in with the straight, fearless, dignified presence habitual to her. She felt no awkwardness; she had too much the habits of society for that. Here was a person come on business to her father; and, as he was one who had shown himself obliging, she was disposed to treat him with a full measure of civility.”

If there was ever a list of benefits from staying at her aunt’s house, this would likely make the top of the list. Her bearing and manner meeting a strange man radiate confidence and owning the room. You would never know the stress she’s been through in the past few weeks because she won’t let you see it. She will be polite and business-like, but Gaskell uses such…I want to say, almost sharp language here — she almost feels intimidating in this moment.

And I’m not the only one who thinks so. We get a new perspective, from the viewpoint of Mr. Thornton. Let’s hear how he feels about Margaret’s entrance, shall we?

“Mr. Thornton was a good deal more surprised and discomfited than she. Instead of a quiet, middle-aged clergyman, a young lady came forward with frank dignity,—a young lady of a different type to most of those he was in the habit of seeing…

“…He did not understand who she was, as he caught the simple, straight, unabashed look, which showed that his being there was of no concern to the beautiful countenance, and called up no flush of surprise to the pale ivory of the complexion.”

He sounds like she jumpscared him or something 😂😂 and I guess she kind of did. But yes, he does seem to find her more than a little intimidating, with how he perceives her looks (from her beautiful face, I might add) as indifferent to his presence instead of the civility she’s going for.

Oh no, she’s being misunderstood again! And predictably, I’m dusting off my neurodivergent lens to analyze this. So, a lot of times ND individuals have difficulty making the proper facial expression to reflect the emotion they’re feeling (or expected to feel, depending on if they’re masking). This can lead to others perceiving their emotions as different from what they are (not to mention many NDs have difficulty understanding facial expressions in the first place, so they don’t even know what face they’re supposed to make in a given social situation).

Speaking of masking, I would say Margaret is masking — heavily. It’s touched on later in the chapter, but she is very tired at this moment. She was expecting to rest, and she is not given the chance because of this interruption. Now, she is forced to be civil to this random guy. This might be another reason for his misinterpretation of her emotions — her “civil” mask might be cracking to reveal her “tired” or “frustrated” face. He’s still not entirely correct in what he thinks she’s feeling towards him…but it’s a bit closer. Good for him, I guess?

And because I don’t like to leave stones unturned, we could also switch this lens to Mr. Thornton and wonder if perhaps part of the reason he’s misinterpreting her emotions is because he himself is neurodivergent and has difficulty reading facial expressions…(does that mean I’d have to do the same for everyone who misreads Margaret? Maybe. I’m still keeping an eye on Thornton, though.)

“Mr. Thornton was in habits of authority himself, but she seemed to assume some kind of rule over him at once. He had been getting impatient at the loss of his time on a market-day, the moment before she appeared, yet now he calmly took a seat at her bidding.”

She’s just met him, yet already has the ability to calm him, hmmmm??? I love this 👀👀👀👀👀

“Mr. Thornton had thought that the house in Crampton was really just the thing; but now that he saw Margaret, with her superb ways of moving and looking, he began to feel ashamed of having imagined that it would do very well for the Hales, in spite of a certain vulgarity in it which had struck him at the time of his looking it over.”

LOL, him looking at the house before: “yeah, I mean it’s good. Not the best house I’d pick, wallpaper is ugly, but the Hales will like it I’m sure.”

Him, know Margaret - A QUEEN - is going to live there: “*screaming internally* that’s a horrible house for her how could I have thought otherwise 😭😭😭😳😳😳 she deserves better” <- Margaret does deserve the best, he is right about that.

Anyway, I already love this dynamic. He’s spoken one sentence to her and he’s already smitten what the heck this is so cute 😭😭

“Margaret could not help her looks; but the short curled upper lip, the round, massive up-turned chin, the manner of carrying her head, her movements, full of a soft feminine defiance, always gave strangers the impression of haughtiness.”

Ahhhh this actually makes a lot of sense! Poor Margaret being judged like that just because she has a “look” of haughtiness.

“She was tired now, and would much rather have remained silent, and taken the rest her father had planned for her; but, of course, she owed to herself to be a gentlewoman, and to speak courteously from time to time to this stranger; not over-brushed, nor over-polished, it must be confessed, after his rough encounter with Milton streets and crowds. She wished that he would go, as he had once spoken of doing, instead of sitting there, answering with curt sentences all the remarks she made.”

All my “this is cute” being said, it is funny that he’s met her when she’s in a tired state and actively wants him to leave (and he kind of knows it?). This makes any conversation more awkward, but hey, they can work from this. I’ll take “not over-polished” over Lennox’s gilded comments (which have nothing substantial underneath) any day!

“She sat facing him and facing the light; her full beauty met his eye; her round white flexile throat rising out of the full, yet lithe figure; her lips moving so slightly as she spoke, not breaking the cold serene look of her face with any variation from the one lovely haughty curve; her eyes, with their soft gloom, meeting his with quiet maiden freedom.”

It’s cool seeing this from Mr. Thornton’s eye and how he perceives her. This whole time, we’ve been told she’s not pretty or considered beautiful among society, but to him, she’s a gem. Even when we saw Henry’s POV, he didn’t mention anything of her beauty, just how she blushed in his attempts to woo her. I know beauty isn’t everything, but I happen to like that he sees her beauty. It doesn’t feel overstated, either. He’s not describing her as “the most beautiful woman ever” or anything. He just notices she does have beauty. And I do notice the use of “quiet maiden freedom”, which — to me — parallels with her earlier use of “high maidenly dignity”, used back in chapter 3. Both times were used when about to talk to men they didn’t relish talking to…I don’t think that’s a coincidence. It’s cool that Thornton can actually see this within her.

“He almost said to himself that he did not like her, before their conversation ended; he tried so to compensate himself for the mortified feeling, that while he looked upon her with an admiration he could not repress, she looked at him with proud indifference, taking him, he thought, for what, in his irritation, he told himself he was—a great rough fellow, with not a grace or a refinement about him. Her quiet coldness of demeanour he interpreted into contemptuousness, and resented it in his heart to the pitch of almost inclining him to get up and go away, and have nothing more to do with these Hales, and their superciliousness.”

Thornton, NOOOOO, she’s just tired bro 😭😭😭 at least he kind of understands he’s trying to struggle with his feelings of admiration (and maybe feelings of more?) within himself, contrasted with her “indifference” towards him (which could be considered true, she really does want him to leave and that could be considered indifferent — or worse — towards him. In that case, he’s the first to guess fairly close to what she’s actually feeling). I can understand him, though. No one wants to talk with someone who’s looking down on them, especially someone who they actually want to connect with. And I hate him dismissing himself as rough and unrefined :(((( someone get this man’s confidence up please???

“Just as Margaret had exhausted her last subject of conversation—and yet conversation that could hardly be called which consisted of so few and such short speeches—her father came in, and with his pleasant gentlemanly courteousness of apology, reinstated his name and family in Mr. Thornton’s good opinion.”

Ok, add “good at talking to people” on Mr. Hale’s bingo card. I’ll give him this, he somehow turned this disastrous meeting into…well, Thornton not running away from Margaret. You get exactly 1 point from me, Mr. Hale: don’t screw it up.

Unfortunately, Mr. Hale was not able to persuade the landlord in removing his tacky wallpaper (people like him are why Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote The Yellow Wallpaper /j) and they have to let it stay. Margaret immediately starts thinking of ways to hide it (ever the planner!), while Mr. Hale tries to invite Mr. Thornton to luncheon with them.

“It would have been very inconvenient to him to do so, yet he felt that he should have yielded, if Margaret by word or look had seconded her father’s invitation; he was glad she did not, and yet he was irritated at her for not doing so. She gave him a low, grave bow when he left, and he felt more awkward and self-conscious in every limb than he had ever done in his life before.”

Sorry, dude, Margaret is busy trying to figure out how to hide tacky wallpaper 😭😭😭 I love so much that Mr. Thornton like “it would be so inconvenient for me to eat lunch with them (and also Margaret’s been haughty/indifferent to me this whole time), but also how dare she not invite me to lunch too. 😒😠” yeah, you’re already down bad, Thornton. You’re just in denial :D and awww he’s self-conscious 😭😭

“Well, Margaret, now to luncheon as fast as we can. Have you ordered it?”

“No, papa; that man was here when I came home, and I have never had an opportunity.”

I’m glad Margaret defended herself here because…yeah, when would she have had the time??? Mr. Hale, I am TRYING to be nice to you…kindly do better so you make my job easier, PLEASE. In his defense, he didn’t press the issue or blame her after she said that.

When they detail the day’s events to Mrs. Hale, they ask her what Mr. Thornton is like. At first she’s like “I hardly know what he’s like 🙄” but then she says this:

“‘About thirty—with a face that is neither exactly plain, nor yet handsome, nothing remarkable—not quite a gentleman; but that was hardly to be expected.’”

“‘With such an expression of resolution and power, no face, however plain in feature, could be either vulgar or common. I should not like to have to bargain with him; he looks very inflexible. Altogether a man who seems made for his niche, mamma; sagacious, and strong, as becomes a great tradesman.’”

…it looks like our Margaret took a little more notice of Thornton than she let on, hm? 👀👀 I actually love that Gaskell shows us and doesn’t tell us Margaret’s notice of him; it’s far more interesting to think she was just tired the whole time and uninterested with a sudden twist of “actually he’s strong and powerful-looking etc. etc.” rather than Gaskell telling us both of them were taken with the other from the first moment. Plus it made me do this -> 🤭 IRL so that’s always fun.

“But when they removed to their new house in Milton, the obnoxious papers were gone. The landlord received their thanks very composedly; and let them think, if they liked, that he had relented from his expressed determination not to repaper. There was no particular need to tell them, that what he did not care to do for a Reverend Mr. Hale, unknown in Milton, he was only too glad to do at the one short sharp remonstrance of Mr. Thornton, the wealthy manufacturer.”

EEEEEEEEEEEE 😍😍😍😍😍🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 this line right here is AMAZING and ICONIC. Get you a man who will get ugly wallpaper removed from your rented house. Thornton!!!!! I knew you liked her!!!! Hehehehehhee. This is what rom-coms were inspired by, I’m convinced.

[arisewanekosuki]

In another’s shoes

(Genshin School AU x Fem! Reader) A month has passed since you started your life in Teyvat High School, while struggling with your own insecurities and unpleasant memories with past 'friends', your schools days were passing day by day, until one day after going back home you had an accident. Thinking this is the end, you wake up... but wait, why are you in the body of the most popular girl in your school - Lumine? previous | next

Drawing by @fusaex3​​​  Author’s note: I started writing it before I wrote Bakeneko!Kunikuzushi, so this story may be worse than the previous one, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure about this one. I may end up deleting it after some time. Tbh I wanted to add some Genshin boys x reader here, but it may end up being more about friendship if I continue this story, I’m not sure, at first I thought to make that at the end some boys will have special chapters when you end up being with them or something like that. But like I said I’m not even sure if I’ll continue this cause I don’t know if anyone will like this story. I’m sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.

Prologue

The annoying alarm in my phone woke me from a dream. “What was that dream about again?” It wasn’t a good one that I’m sure. Then why it feels like I should try to remember what it was about? Looking at time in my phone I realized that if I won’t get up soon I’ll be late for school. While dressing up I couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. -“…” Before any negative thoughts would consume me I shook my head and went to the kitchen to get my breakfast. -“Good morning!” my mom said. I didn’t respond, I went to my mom to hug her, this is my way of saying ‘Good Morning’ when I'm not awake properly or just not feel like talking yet. Mom smiled and hugged me back. I started to make breakfast for myself, after awhile I finally ask: - “Do you have day off?” -“No, but today I start later, so don’t worry I’ll take (little sister name) to school. Also I made lunch for you too!”  -“Thank you.” -“So…How is school? It’s been month since it started, did you make some friends?” I sighed, not feeling like talking about it, yet I don’t want to worry my mom. -“It’s fine I guess… there is one girl in my class, Yoimiya, she’s really nice, sometimes we spend school breaks together.” -“That’s great! You should invite her here sometimes!” mom smiled, happy that I finally made a friend. I got up and got ready to go. I took my backpack and say goodbyes to my mom. “I don't really want to go to school…”  If I think about it Yoimiya was the first one to approach me, no, she’s the first one to approach everyone, she’s a very nice and friendly person. I’m grateful that she wanted to be friends with me, I only wish I would stop worrying about stuff so I could get along with her better. I want to talk more with her, hang out more with her but I still feel slightly shy and the thought of her other friends being more interesting and fun than me is not helping in that matter at all. “Ah, that’s bad! Don’t think like that (y/n)!” Well, it’s hard to not think like that when her friends like Ayaka and Kokomi are really great. Sometimes I was invited to eat lunch with them and Yoimiya. They are kind, smart and of course they are pretty… so pretty that it felt like someone like me shouldn’t sit with them. It's like a potato lying next to beautiful flowers. I would say I’m average person if I’m being ‘nice’ to myself, but I know, compared to them I’m not that interesting at all. -“Good morning!!” someone said, snapping me from my previous thoughts. Turning back I saw a little boy with cute smile. -“Hello Ruu.” I smiled to him “How are you?” Ruu’s smile got wider “At least he’s in good mood”.   -“I’m fine! Today I got up earlier so I could go and see miss Kapatcir and ask if she needs something from shop!” Ruu is truly a sweet child, he’s a kind soul, so kind that scary old miss Kapatcir accepted only him in our neighborhood. I’m glad the old lady is kind to him, compared to his father who always complains that Ruu didn’t finished his duties or that he shouldn’t spend so much time on playground. I understand that as a son of priest he has to learn, so that he could inherit the role in future and take care of shrine but Ruu is still a child, he shouldn’t be that strict with him. At least it seems his father is afraid of miss Kapatcir too, if she is sitting on the bench close to playground then Ruu can spend much more time there playing and goofing around like a kid should do. -“ (y/n)? Are you alright? You look sad today…” -“Ah I’m fine! Sorry! I just… um… had a nightmare, so I didn’t sleep well today haha!” Ruu looked at me, deep in the thought, then he searched for something in his pockets. -“I got something that will make you feel better!” he took my hand and put something in it. It’s a candy. Lavender Melon flavor. -“I hope you like this flavor but if not… then I can give you another one!!” -“This one is fine! Thank you Ruu! You’re the best!” I smiled to him and he showed me his smile again. “He’s so precious, I want to hug him!” -“Oh! Lumine! Aether! Good morning!” the boy run towards twins that came from the corner of street. Lumine and Aether, the most popular twins in our school, normally I don't care about people from other classes but even so I end up knowing who they are, thanks to  Yoimiya and other people from my class. Them being friends with Yoimiya is not surprising, knowing her, but what I heard from her, Ayaka and Kokomi, they made friends with other popular or eccentric kids in our school. How did they do it? They came two weeks after school started and in one week they become so popular. It would be a lie if I said that I’m not jealous of Lumine. She’s very beautiful, smart, confident, she can make friends with anyone, I’m sure many guys have crush on her as well. Her twin brother is good looking too, I understand why some girls from class would talk about him, his face, no, both twins are like angels. I sighed and continue walking to school, passing quickly by Ruu and twins and saying goodbye to little kid. I don’t really want to be noticed by twins but I would feel bad for not saying ‘bye’ to Ruu. After arriving in my school I sighed. “Just survive this day, and another, and another…till the end of school year weh”. While going to my class suddenly someone hugged me from behind. -“Eek!?” I made a weird sound. -“Hehe! Goood Moorning (y/n) ~” Of course it was Yoimiya. -“Good Morning” I said a bit flustered. “It seems that you are full of energy today, did something happened?” -“Nope!~ Can’t I be happy for just seeing my friend?” she said with a smile, still hugging me. Recently, she started hugging me as a hello, I always liked this form of welcoming with people I feel comfortable with. The first time she hugged me, she surprised me that much that I froze in place, she panicked and started asking if she make me uncomfortable, I remember feeling warm and said that I don't mind that. Back then I felt like our friendship improved a little bit. After releasing me from her hold we continued our way toward class. Yoimiya would talk about many things, sometimes I had hard time follow her stories, but it was nice, to listen, to talk with someone. In previous school I did had people who I could call ‘friends’, but things happened and now they are reason that even if I want to make more friends or open more to Yoimiya, those unpleasant memories stops me from doing that. When we reached our class Yoimiya took my hand and guided me to where Ayaka and Kokomi where sitting. The smile that Yoimiya gave me was saying "I won't let you just go to your sit yet!" -“Good Morning!!” Yoimiya said loudly to two girls. After her, I greeted the girls. -“Good Morning to you two too” said Ayaka, bowing politely. -“Ayaka! Stop with this formality! We are friends here! Right (Y/n)?” Yoimiya said and hugged Ayaka, the blue-white hair girl become red on her face, probably not used to others to hug her like that. -“Y-yeah!” at this moment I realized Yoimiya plan, she wants to make me talk more with them. “Too bad my friend, I’m not ready to talk with them without being awkward!” Kokomi giggled, probably amused for what is happening in front her. -“Yoimiya, I think our Kamisato Lady won't be able to take it any longer, if you continue holding her like that” said salmon pink hair girl, smiling at two other girls. -“Sorry Ayaka!” said the light strawberry blonde hair girl, finally letting go of the daughter of Kamisato family. -“I-it’s okay.” Replied the girl with still red face, I think it’s first time for me, to see her losing her composure. We didn't talk that long with each other, before the bell rings signaling that class is about to start. The day in school went slow, too slow. This time Yoimiya went to eat lunch with her other friends from other classes, I didn’t know them and to not feel like third wheel, I decided to spend lunch break alone. Sitting at my regular place outside school building and eating in silence, I was enjoying the peace. Till I heard two loud boys, probably arguing about something. I noticed that Lumine is with them too. One of them was a big guy with long white hair with some parts being red and red horns “I think I heard about him. What was his name again? Amaraki Otto? Anataki Ritto? Eh whatever” and other, slightly smaller than previous one but still taller than Lumine, with ginger hair “Isn’t that guy from Fatui gang? Lumine could even befriend someone from them?”  The boys starting getting louder and louder till Lumine looked at them saying something, making both of them quiet. Then she went towards gym building, while the boys followed her and start probably arguing between each other again. “Being that popular must be tiring sometimes.” After lunch nothing special happened till the end of classes, when the last bell rang  I was happy to finally go back home, but then I remembered that today is my turn to clean class. “Better finish fast.”  I sighed and started cleaning. At least today my cleaning partner is Kaedehara Kazuha. "At least he won't try to make some small talk". While we were cleaning, it was silent, but suddenly Kazuha said something that I couldn’t hear. -“Sorry, can you repeat? I didn’t hear you.” I ask, thinking he was talking to me. -“ Ah don’t mind me, I was coming up with new haiku.” He smiled and looked at me, Kazuha is another lovely looking person in my class, his red eyes are stunning and warm, his voice is gentle too, I think I wouldn’t mind if he now started to read his haikus or maybe even a whole book. -“I-I see!” I said flustered, realizing that I have been staring at him for too long without response. I turned around and went back to cleaning, not wanting to see his face anymore “He probably thinks that I’m weird…” . I really wished I had more courage to speak with him, I’m not good with poetry but I would like to hear about his haikus. “It’s not big deal! Just ask him about that! Maybe we can even be friends?!” I looked at him, at this moment he was cleaning the board. -“….” I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came of. He had to sense my staring cause suddenly he turned around to look at me. -“Hm? Is something wrong?” he asked, looking at me with cute, confused face. -“I…no…well…” I felt my face being warmer and warmer “…fox….” -“…Pardon?” I felt like running from this class and bury myself in our school garden “Fox?! Why did I say that?! It’s so random! How hard is to ask about silly haiku! Stupid!” -“I think I saw fox outside the class.” I want to go home, I feel so embarrassed that I don’t know anymore what I’m talking about. -“Oh? Really? That’s surprising, the forest is very far away from school…” he said going to the window to look for the fox that doesn’t exist. -“Right? Maybe he got lost, poor thing, I hope it will find way to its home.” I finished cleaning the floor so I went to put broom and dustpan away. I just wanted to get far away from him at this moment. I got so nervous, that my body started to tremble. “I can’t believe myself, this was probably the worst interaction that I had with someone and I still have to come back to the classroom to put tables on their places.” When I calmed down, I came back and with Kazuha's help, we put everything on their right places. Gladly he didn't say anything else, so I could save myself from further embarrassment. After making sure that whole classroom is clean, I said goodbye to Kazuha and went quickly to lockers, to change my shoes and finally left school, to go back home, wanting to forgot about this whole interaction. - “Ugh today is Tuesday I need to study for test that is on Friday, I don’t wanna!” I muttered to myself, not being happy of the thought of studying and doing homework. I took candy from my pocket, to eat it but before I opened the sweet in my hand, I noticed something red passing in front of me. It was little girl with blond pigtails and red cap, she looks to be around age of my little sister, she was going after something round, some kind o ball? Before I knew it, everything went fast. The ball rolled into the street and the girl still followed it, without looking if there were cars. I felt something hitting me and then nothing, I was lying there, the candy from Ruu wasn't in my hand anymore, I think people started to gather around me, everything started to be blurry, I heard child crying, was it that girl? I can't believe it, my body moved on its own to try save this child. "Haha..those that means I'm not such a coward? I can do some things right too?" I think I started to hear someone calling my name but I'm not sure.” Ah… so this is how my life will end?” this was my last thought before everything went black. --- Thank you so much for reading untill end. If everything goes well Chapter 1 will be out tomorrow. 

[wastelandmoony]

Déjà Vécu: Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen : Hollow

Summary: Feelings are happening =)

Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+ only!, angst, anxiety/overwhelming feelings, language, mentions of death and self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of drinking.

Read on AO3

Companion Playlist

Déjà Vécu Masterlist

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June 22nd, 1973 

She was delusional to think she had made progress with Sirius Black. After everything that had happened, everything that had come to the surface; after his birthday when he shared his scars, and when he confessed his parents cruelty amongst the seclusion of his bed curtains. At the end of the day, they were opposing forces, her pulling and him pushing away. No amount of spilled secrets or clandestine confidence would change that. 

James was upset by how Sirius had acted under the quidditch pitch, apologizing to her on his behalf incessantly. 

“You’re not the one that needs to apologize, Jamie,” she said in-between bites of toast at breakfast one morning. She’d been sitting at her house table ever since Sirius’ comment. She had been reminded of her place, and it wasn’t amongst them.

James raked an exasperated hand through his unruly hair, “He’s just…stubborn, and kind of an idiot, I’m sorry.”

Before she could add on more negative adjectives to describe Sirius Black, Professor McGonagall cleared her throat at the lectern at the front of the Great Hall. 

“Good Morning students, your attention for just a moment please. As the end of term is fast approaching, could I have all rising Third through Fifth year students see me to receive their Elective Selection Form. Please return these to my office no later than June 28th. A reminder: think hard about your future career path, this will determine which classes to pursue.”

She rose quickly out of her seat as soon as McGonagall took her place on the dais, James following close behind and still trying to talk her down. 

Engrossed in the paper chart in her hands, she returned back to her seat and began to read through the course offerings. After a few moments, she felt the familiar lingering presence of James Potter sitting back across the table. Doubling down on the effort to focus on her own selection form, she ignored him entirely. 

Third-years were able to choose two new electives, the first of her choices being Care of Magical Creatures. She was re-reading the descriptions of Divination and Ancient Runes when the boy across the table pushed his chart towards her. 

“What’d you pick?” The voice did not belong to James Potter.

She looked up, brows furrowed at the familiar yet unexpected voice of Remus, “How long have you been here?”

He shrugged, “Ten minutes, give or take.”

“Where’s James?”

“Went back to our table, mumbled something about Sirius being a prat. Any idea what that’s about?”

She couldn’t tell him the truth, she had made a promise to the rest of the boys to keep the animagus plan a secret. “I mean…he’s always being a prat, so it could be anything.”

Remus smirked, reaching over to grab her chart, “So what’d you choose?”

“Care of Magical Creatures, but I’m stuck on whether to choose Divination or Ancient Runes…”

“If it helps, I chose Runes as well…we could help each other study? Divination is a joke anyway.”

She laughed, “You don’t think it’s interesting?”

Remus scowled, “Predicting the future with tea leaves and cards? It’s absolute rubbish.”

Looking back down at his chart, she looked at his other choice, “…Arithmancy? That’s supposed to be really difficult.”

His eyes flicked to hers, flashing gold briefly in the morning light, “Luckily for me, I love a challenge.”

Looking past his head, she groaned, “Ugh, speaking of challenges…”

Snape was drawing closer with Regulus by his side. He was explaining something to the younger boy, Reggie listening intently and nodding along. As the two Slytherin’s passed, Severus spun around, face filled with unsettling amusement.

“Ah, look Regulus,” he drawled, “the muggle convention is having their monthly meeting!”

Reggie let out a dry laugh while she rolled her eyes.

“Very original, Severus. Truly, some of your best work…” she droned. 

“What’s that? I couldn’t hear over the sound of Lupin’s incessant panting over you.”

She looked up at Remus’ face, blushing red and staring intently at the wooden table. 

“At least they’re mating with their own kind,” Regulus snarked. 

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? 

“Don’t you have something else better to be doing, Reg?” She looked him in the eye, choosing to ignore the comment altogether.

Regulus’ face hardened, “What did I tell you before about speaking to me directly, mudblood.”  

Remus was standing before Reg could take another breath.

“What the fuck did you call her?” His scarred hands were clenched so hard they were white. The Hufflepuff prefect heard the commotion, quickly walking over to stand between the boys.

“You two,” he pointed at Severus and Reg, “go to your house table. And you,” he motioned to Remus, “if you cannot behave in a civil manner, I’ll have to ask you to leave as well.”

Remus sat back down, fuming as Reggie and Snape walked to their table smirking. 

She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes as Remus turned his attention to her. 

“What was he talking about?”

“Hmm?” She hummed.

“Regulus said ‘telling you before’. What happened before?” 

The tone of his voice made her breathing quicken. 

“He uh…we had a run in on the train…after winter break…”

“…He’s called you that before, hasn’t he.”

The protectiveness in Remus’ voice raised the hair on the back of her neck.

Snapes words echoed in her head: Lupin’s incessant panting over you.

She shook it off, all of it. Snapes comment, Remus’ tone, the increasingly overwhelming question of where to place the emerging feelings in her chest.  

Nodding a confirmation, she watched Remus clench his jaw. 

“Please don’t say anything, especially to Sirius,” she begged.

“You need to tell him, he needs to know what his brother is doing—“

“It won’t change anything, it’ll just hurt him. Please Remus, don’t say anything.”

He shook his head, gazing over towards the Slytherin table, “If he comes near you again, I’ll kill him.”

———

September 1st, 1973

Remus wrote her constantly. So much that her hand had started to cramp halfway through the summer from holding a pen almost every waking moment. She’d begun to try to respond with her non-dominant hand, teaching herself to write with both just in case. For each full moon that summer, she sent Remus drawings and the usual poem. Doodles of constellations and celestial bodies filled the pages, the stars watching over a sleeping wolf, a crown of wildflowers on his head. 

She didn’t hear from Sirius all summer, something that didn’t come as a surprise after what he had told her in secrecy after Christmas, but it still hurt nonetheless knowing they hadn’t spoken since before school let out. The anger was still there, though it was now being clouded by worry. He could hate her all he wanted, call her every name in the book, but at the end of the day she would still lay in bed and hope that he was alright. 

James and Peter invited her to Diagon Alley again, shopping for their third year supplies with the help of Mrs. Potter. From the window of every shop, she looked for Sirius. 

Little progress had been made in the animagus plan, with James explaining their difficulty in finding dew that had not seen sunlight or been touched by human feet. She didn’t say anything, having already said her piece last year. They were going to do it regardless, but a part of her was little happy that they were finally getting a taste of how difficult the process actually was. 

———

The walls of the train compartment were closing in on her. Remus sat beside the window, reading quietly while she tapped her foot nervously. James, talking to Peter about quidditch or something (she stopped listening ages ago), would dart his eyes over to her anxious body every few minutes like he was waiting for a bomb to explode.

Sirius wasn’t there yet. Flashbacks from last year ran through her mind on a loop. Walburga’s pinched expression; Regulus’ cold stare; Sirius’ scars. She wanted to cry, the sensation of which was beginning to choke her to the point of taking strangled breaths. 

Remus reached across the compartment and took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “He’ll be here, I promise.”

You can’t promise that, she thought, but the words were stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what time it was, but from the way James was checking his watch, it had to be close to 11. Maybe Sirius’ parents had kept true to their word, maybe they really did send him away this time. How would they even know? She couldn’t ask Regulus, not after Remus’ threat from last year, (not that he would tell her anything anyway).

As the crowd on the platform began to thin, the compartment door flew open.

Sirius was grinning from ear to ear.

Like a dam breaking, air filled her lungs.

“Alright lads?” He smiled at them, never landing on her. She didn’t even care, the only thing that mattered was that he was okay.

The atmosphere in the compartment eased greatly, the boys falling into jovial conversation immediately as Sirius sat down next to James. She didn’t involve herself, just happy to sit amongst her friends.

“—I have to say mate,” James laughed, “You seem a lot more…relaxed than you usually do after spending time at home.”

This made Sirius smile even bigger, “I think I’ve turned a corner.”

“…with your family?” Peter chimed in skeptically.

Sirius nodded, “When I first got home, it was the same thing as usual,” he rolled his eyes, “but by the middle of July…it had all just…stopped.”

“They just ignored you?” James furrowed his brow.

“Not entirely. They spoke to me whenever necessary, but the rest of the time they just let me do whatever I wanted.”

Remus shot her a concerned look from across the compartment, “What brought this on? What did you do?”

Sirius crossed his arms smugly, leaning back against the seat, “I may or may not have…redecorated my room a little…”

The four of them stared at him.

“…I put up some Gryffindor quidditch banners with a permanent sticking charm…”

James’ expression was somewhere between shock, alarm, and pride.

“…as well as some…muggle posters,” Sirius’ smile was borderline unhinged, something that wasn’t lost on Remus.

“What kind of muggle posters, Sirius…” he asked slowly.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, “Muggle women. They’re wearing rabbit ears, Mum had a fit when she couldn’t take them down.” 

Remus’ eyes almost shot out of his head, “YOU PUT PLAYBOY CENTERFOLDS ON YOUR WALLS PERMANENTLY?!”

James and Peter were both staring between them confused while she sat in the corner trying to stifle a laugh. Sirius met her eyes for a split second, sparkling with mischief before he quickly looked away. 

Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair, “You’re lucky they didn’t kill you.”

Sirius shrugged, pulling some money out of his pocket as the candy trolley stopped outside of their door. He bought them all sweets without asking, tossing boxes around the compartment happily. The last package he threw was to her. 

Peppermint Toads, her favorite.

———

As the train pulled into Hogsmeade Station, the five of them stood and began to collect their various bags and items, quickly throwing on their robes in the process. Swinging a leather satchel strap over her shoulder, she gave the boys a small wave as she headed out into the corridor, “See you lot tomorrow or something, yeah?”

Sirius stared at her with mild confusion, following her outside the compartment “You’re not sitting with us for the feast?”

She turned around, mimicking his confused expression, “I—I didn’t think you wanted me to?”

Sirius scoffed, “What?”

“Sirius, we haven’t spoken in months…”

He raked a hand through his hair, which had grown even longer over the summer (an obvious choice to piss off his parents, no doubt). 

“I know, I was a complete arse to you, it was unfair of me. I just…talk before actually thinking through things…”His face softened as his eyes fell sheepishly to the floor. 

“You can’t keep taking your emotions out on other people, Sirius,” she whispered, and his blue eyes snapped up.

“…I know…” his voice was soft, but an edge of annoyance was begging to break through, “Please, sit with us, it’s not the same without you.”

Any leftover anger she had for him melted away. Sirius seemed to have a way of softening her that none of the others did, not even Remus, and she couldn’t figure out why. It was alarming sometimes, how easily she bent to him, how often she found herself gravitating towards him like a magnet. 

The corner of her mouth twitched upwards in a smug grin, Sirius gingerly pointing his wand at her robes and transfiguring them scarlet, and the five of them reconvened to make the journey up to the castle together. 

———

To an outsider, you’d never know she wasn’t a Gryffindor, not by the way the rest of the house greeted her when she sat down with the boys. Marlene practically shoved Remus out of the way to occupy the seat beside her, wanting to hear all about her summer, while Lily leaned over to participate (much to James’ pleasure). Just as they all got settled, Mary came over and squeezed in beside Sirius, whispering something in his ear that made them both laugh. The sound caused her to divert attention away from Marlene and Lily, glancing over just in time to see Sirius brush Mary’s hair behind her ear. 

The sinking feeling in her stomach from last year came back immediately. 

Maybe once she ate something she’d feel better, the only thing she’d had so far was the chocolate on the train. 

Mary met her eyes, “Hiya! Good summer?” Her voice was like honey, smooth and sweet.

She nodded, returning a friendly smile as Dumbledore rose to the podium for the start of year address. Every year he gave a speech to kick off classes, mostly a bunch of fluffy sentiments about friendship and academic excellence, but this year it was different. He spoke of unity, of coming together and working towards a harmonious future. The hall was silent as he spoke, the majority of students faces solemn as the headmaster implored them to seek out the light and follow it passionately. 

They all knew the implication. 

They couldn’t escape the war, not even at Hogwarts.

———

November 3rd, 1973

Mary was becoming a more prominent fixture in their group. It wasn’t a problem, it was just…a lot. It had finally become public knowledge that Sirius and Mary were an item, and soon after, the PDA began. Sirius it seems, had been reduced to a one handed man, his less dominant appendage always attached to her body in some way, shape, or form. When they did separate, which was rare, the other was not so far removed, leaving only a few fleeting moments of normal conversation until they were all over each other once more. 

The worst was the snogging. 

It started at Sirius’ birthday party, which happened to fall on a Saturday, meaning that he was on another level knowing he didn’t have to wake up early for classes the next morning. After a third go-around of his new record (a band called Queen, who were beginning to make waves in the muggle music scene), the rest of the common room had had enough for the night and were begging for someone to replace the album with something else. Because she had gifted the vinyl to him, she took the responsibility to try and sneak some new music onto the record player. Pushing through the crowded Gryffindor common room, she searched for Sirius to ask if she could go dig through his collection. After two trips around the room, sifting through bodies and dodging drunk 7th Years, she realized he was gone. 

“I’m just going to look through his records and ask for forgiveness later,” she said to Remus over the back of the couch. 

He looked up from his game of exploding snap with James and Peter, “Do it, I’m sure he won’t care. Dorm door is unlocked.” 

She nodded, weaving her way upstairs towards the boys room.

The music was too loud, the fourth rendition of Keep Yourself Alive ricocheting off the stone walls. It was so loud in fact, that she didn’t hear the noises coming from the top of the spiral staircase.

Pressed against the railing was Mary, Sirius seemingly eating her face alive. Their hands were everywhere, and the sight made her stomach flip. Averting her eyes as best she could, she slipped past them unnoticed, sneaking into the boys room and picking up the first record she saw: Aladdin Sane. With the image of her two friends intwined, she ran downstairs and quickly threw the record on, returning to sit beside Remus on the couch. 

“Alright?” He looked over, having removed himself from the game with the other two. 

She nodded quickly, “Yeah, why?”

“You’re breathing heavy, and keep glancing back at the stairs. Did something happen?”

Feigning ignorance, she shook her head, “No, I’m just—I ran down here, I couldn’t listen to Great King Rat again…”

Remus chuckled, throwing an arm over the back of the couch as they watched a card explode in Peter’s face. 

She’d begun to doze off towards the end of Side 1 of Aladdin Sane, sinking further into Remus’ heater-like body on the couch. At some point, another student must have flipped the record, because a short time later Sirius came bounding down the stairs when the opening chords of The Prettiest Star began. 

“This is my song!” He leapt over the back of the couch, landing aggressively close to her sleeping body.

The sudden assault jolted her awake, Remus (who was half asleep against the arm of the sofa) reached over to punch the birthday boy in the shoulder. 

Sirius laughed, dodging the hit, “Oh come on! There’s no sleeping at my party!” 

He began to jump on the cushions, leading to a low groan from her. 

“Come on, Yellowjacket, dance with me!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her unwilling body off the couch while she held back a smirk. She could never say no to him.

Her limbs felt heavy as they wound around his neck, the beckoning call of sleep echoing from the couch. Sirius began to sing out loud, though it might as well have been directed at her by the way his eyes never left her face. 

“Where’s Mary?” She mumbled sleepily, resting her head on his shoulder as they swayed. 

“Went to bed, she’s like you lot—her fun energy expires at midnight.”

She swatted him lightly, “Not all of us strive to live like rockstars, Sirius.”

He laughed lowly, “Damn right!” 

Spinning her one last time as the song drew to an end, he placed a kiss to her forehead before they separated. 

“Happy birthday Siri,” she whispered before retreating back to Remus’ side.

———

She’d like to say that Sirius’ birthday was the only time she had stumbled upon him and Mary snogging. 

She’d like to say that it was a one-time thing and that the two of them had learned their lesson.

But she couldn’t.

It seemed like almost every other day, one of them was running into Mary and Sirius sucking face behind a statue, or in a vacant corridor, or even on the common room sofa. Even James was becoming annoyed, which didn’t happen often, especially with his best friend. 

“I need him focused,” he grumbled as he sat down across from her and Remus in the Great Hall for lunch, “He almost fell off his broom the other day during practice because she showed up in the stands. We have a big match against Ravenclaw in a few weeks, he needs to get it together.”

She didn’t contribute, just kept her head down and picked at the food.

“I just wish there was a way to know where they were, like a map of safe hallways, that way I wouldn’t have to walk into them practically eating each other’s faces off,” Peter groaned.

Remus’ perked up beside her, “Pete, that’s…that’s actually a brilliant idea.” 

Peter beamed across from them, as Remus dug through his bag for something, eventually resurfacing with a folded up piece of parchment. 

“Remember last year, when I told you all about my…problem?” His voice tapered into a whisper as he glanced between her, Peter, and James, who all nodded in response.

“Sirius had said something about wondering if there were more secret passageways throughout the castle…and there are,” Remus unfolded the parchment to reveal a map of Hogwarts, sketched out roughly, with random annotations and comments scribbled throughout in different colors of ink. 

The four of them absorbed all of it while Remus continued to speak, “I’ve been working on this since then, adding things as I find them, just for fun—definitely not for nefarious purposes—“ he gave her a quick glance before smirking devilishly, “but Pete, what if we could find a way to add location markers to people in the castle? What if we could actually track where people are coming and going?”

She met his eyes and smiled, “A homonculus charm might work.”

Remus grinned wildly, “You’re a genius.” 

“I just—“ she let out a resigned sigh, “—I need you to solemnly swear to me that you’re not going to use this just to cause mayhem all over the castle.”

The three boys looked at each other, telepathically choosing their next words wisely.

“I can promise none of it will be traced back to you,” Remus shot her a wink, the other two giddy with excitement, “there’s actually a new finding I want to test out, if you’re all interested…”

James looked at him through his lashes, clearly intrigued, “What’s your theory Mr. Moony?”

“I think there’s a passageway to Hogsmeade…and if I’m correct, it leads directly under Honeydukes.”

Peter almost jumped out of his seat, James’ eyes sparkled. 

———

“I can’t believe you did all of this without me,” Sirius hissed from under the invisibility cloak. 

They finally had the chance to tell Sirius about the map, after he had returned from what was clearly another rendezvous with Mary. Though ecstatic about the map idea, he was visibly put out at the notion of the four of them conspiring in his absence.

“Stop whinging,” James shushed him from the front, leading them towards the third floor, Remus squished close behind with the map in his hands. 

“…maybe if you came up for air once in a while, you’d be included in things,” she whispered to Sirius beside her, who proceeded to stick out a foot and trip her. Stumbling forward, she quickly grabbed onto Remus’ jumper, who angrily spun around.

“Oi! Knock it off, both of you!” He growled, causing her to shrink back in embarrassment.

“Sorry Moony…” Sirius grumbled, she glared at him.

“Jealousy isn’t a good look for you,” he whispered.

She scoffed, mouth agape as she turned towards him, “Jealousy? Is that what you think this is, Black?”

The smug grin on his face said it all.

“All you do is snog your girlfriend in your free time now, you’ve completely abandoned us, this has nothing to do with jealousy.”

As the words came out, she prayed he believed them.

She prayed she believed them.

———

January 2nd, 1974

After winter break, James called an emergency meeting. They all knew what it was about before he even opened his mouth. The mood had grown incredibly dark, mimicking the desolate icy landscape outside of the castle windows; the war was drawing closer.

“He’s gaining followers at an alarming rate,” James spoke lowly from the end of his bed, the rest of them piled around the dorm room, faces grim as he spilled everything he had found out about the war from his parents. 

“There’s been more attacks, more than the Prophet is reporting,” Peter chimed in from his bed, gripping a pillow tightly to his chest.

“Dad thinks they’re afraid to write anything more, scared of retaliation,” James frowned. 

Across the room, Sirius was staring at him, stone-faced. She knew he was thinking of his family, and whether or not they were involved in any of this. The urge to go over and sit with him surged forward, but her legs felt like cement, her body heavy with dread.

“What about our side? Can we help?” She frankly had no idea what kind of use a bunch of teenagers would be, but she had to try.

James shook his head, running a frustrated hand through his unruly hair, “No, I ask Mum and Dad constantly. They tell me to focus on school, and enjoying my time at Hogwarts.”

After a few quiet minutes, Peter shifted uncomfortably on his bed.

“Is it true what they’re saying…that you-know-who is recruiting…dark creatures?”

From behind her, Remus bristled, sitting upright from his lounging position on the bed. 

She’d never wanted to kill anyone more than she wanted to kill Peter Pettigrew in that moment. 

James shot him a reproachful look, and from Pete’s expression he had clearly realized his mistake.

“What do you mean by ‘dark creatures’…” Remus asked cautiously, eyes narrowing.

She reached over and placed a calming hand on his leg, mentally pleading with him to relax. 

James cleared his throat awkwardly, “He’s been reported to be recruiting vampires, some giants, and…” 

“Just say it, Potter,” Remus growled.

“Remus, please,” she whispered.

“No, I want to hear him say it. I want to hear what other dark, dangerous creatures we should be on the lookout for.”

James held up his hands in defeat, “Mate, it’s not like that—“

“Say it!” Remus stood up, and she could see that his hands were shaking.

“…werewolves. He’s recruiting werewolves. There’s been an increase in attacks—“ 

Before James could finish, Remus was storming out.

“Way to go, you fuckin knob,” Sirius chucked a pillow at Peter’s head.

She quickly jumped off the bed and followed him down the stairs, calling his name while he exited through the portrait hole. 

“Remus, please, wait!” She was out of breath from trying to keep up with his long strides.

“Leave me alone,” he grumbled, never breaking gait to look at her. 

She let out a fake laugh, “We both know that’ll never happen.”

Continuing on, she jogged to finally come within arms reach. Launching forward, she hugged him tightly from behind, forcing him to stop walking. They stood in the empty corridor silently, with her face pressed against his back, arms snaked around his middle, while he stared ahead fuming.

Eventually, she felt him soften, hands finding their way to grip hers. She let go, and he spun around to face her, pulling her back in for a proper embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair, “It’s just…hard to be reminded of what I am sometimes…”

“…and what exactly are you, Remus?” She pressed her cheek into his chest.

“Dangerous. A monster—a dark creature…something that certainly shouldn’t be allowed in functioning society—“

“Remus John Lupin,” she looked up at him, eyes hard and demanding, “You are the antithesis of all of those. You’re my safe person, the one I trust more than anything. You’d never let anything happen to any of us.”

“Those people…the ones they’re attacking. He’s trying to build an army,” Remus’ voice was strained as he said it. 

Her blood ran cold. 

Forcing herself to speak, she gripped the back of his shirt for stability, “He can’t guarantee they’ll join him though, just because they were changed doesn’t mean they’re automatically on his side. They’re still people, they still have free will and a good conscious—” she looked back up at him, “—even if they’ve been dealt a shitty hand.”

“Regardless, he’s ripping their lives out from under them. There’s no resources for them, there’s no future. It’s not like the ministry is lining up to hire people like me,” his laugh was dry and emotionless, “The only option is to find any semblance of stability and hope it sticks.”

She felt him hug tighter, knowing that along with the other boys, they were the only stable thing in his life. She thought of four-year-old Remus, transforming alone for the first time; his tiny screams of agony ricocheting off the walls of the cage a father built to contain his son. The confusion he must’ve felt, the fear; she didn’t understand how he had survived, more so—she didn’t understand why the rest of world had no sympathy. 

“It’ll be different, I promise,” she whispered, burying her face into his chest to stop the tears from forming, “I’ll fix it, I’ll fix all of it.”

Remus shook his head, “You can’t promise that. Werewolf Support Services at the ministry are almost non-existent, and you can’t reap any of them unless you’re registered anyway, which is problematic at best.”

“I know that, which is why I’m going to fix it,” the statement was punctuated with finality as she pulled back to look at her friend, “After school, I plan on working for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, specifically the Being Division. I want to reform the entire Werewolf Support branch, I want to make the actual change that is so long overdue.”

Remus stared down at her, eyes searching hers for any bit of humor or anything to let him know she was joking. He found nothing but sincerity.

“When did you decide this?” 

She shrugged, “Last year. You saw my elective choices, remember? How did you not put it together?” 

He grabbed her face in both hands, “You don’t need to do this for me…”

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for all of them, all of the innocent lives altered by this terrible affliction, but also by the stigmatization the ministry enforces.”

Remus smiled slowly, kissing her forehead, “How did I get so lucky to have someone like you?”

“Right place, right time, I guess,” she giggled, wrapping him into another hug. 

———

March 9th, 1974

“Ugh, gross—“

“How long is it going to go on for?” “Are they even breathing?”

Sirius and Mary had been going at it by the fireplace for the entirety of Remus’ birthday party, much to the disgust of the rest of the common room. The only person who didn’t seem to mind was James, who was too preoccupied in planning his next move on Lily Evans. From the sofa, he stared dopily at her across the room. She was with Marlene near the entrance, laughing at a joke that Frank Longbottom was currently enchanting them with. When she caught James staring, her entire expression dropped into an icy scowl, spinning so that the only view he would get was the back of her head. 

Watching the entire thing, Remus patted James sympathetically on the shoulder, “Tough luck mate.”

“Little does she know, I could stare at the back of her head all day and never tire,” nothing fazed James Potter. He was hopeless.

She rolled her eyes just as Mary shifted to straddle Sirius on the rug, “I need to get out of here, there’s too much…obsession happening in this tower.”

Remus rose when she did, “Wanna go upstairs? I’ve got a hidden stash of Honeydukes.”

“Oh! That sounds great, I can give you your birthday present too!” She grabbed her bag off the floor and followed Remus upstairs. 

Flopping down on his bed, she searched the contents of the bag for a carefully folded parcel. From the foot of the bed, Remus tossed boxes of chocolate onto the quilt as he found them buried in his trunk. 

Finally procuring the expertly folded bundle of parchment, she held it out excitedly to him as he sat across the bed. 

Remus shook it jokingly, “What is it?”

“Just open it, dummy.”

He carefully unfolded the parchment to reveal an intricately inked map of Hogwarts, including the hidden passageways they had found. He traced his finger over a delicately drawn picture of the Whomping Willow.

“No offense, but the original map was extremely chaotic. I figured if you’re going to make it more advanced, the foundation needed to be cleaner and cohesive…none of that frantic sketching you had done,” she explained, reaching over to open a chocolate frog.

Remus stared at the map, speechless. After a few silent moments, he mustered out a muted question, “How did you do it?”

“Oh, easy. The library has tons of maps and illustrations of the layout of the castle and grounds, obviously without the tunnels we know of. I added those in from memory.” 

“This is…this is brilliant…” he was still tracing the hallways diligently.

“The best part,” she leaned over to point at Gryffindor Tower, “Look at the common room.”

Tiny dots were inked near where the fireplace would be, each one labeled with a name of their friends: James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. She watched as his eyes searched for the dorms, smiling when he saw their names as well on two matching dots. 

“I just did us, to see if it would even work. You lot can do the rest, I’m not going to start cataloging the entire student body,” she laughed.

Remus looked at her in awe as he laid the map between them. 

“This is amazing, you’re—you’re amazing…” his eyes gleamed in the dim light of the dormitory, the music downstairs seeping through the crack of the door as she beamed back. 

“It’s not much but—“ she started.

“—shut up, it’s fantastic,” he grinned, “I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too, Rem, happy birthday.”

Even in the low light of the room, she could see his eyes flash gold. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, causing a blush to creep into her cheeks. 

Her heart began to pick up speed, as Remus leaned closer.

“Can I try something?” He spoke softly, eyes searching for a confirmation. 

She nodded slowly as he placed his lips to hers. 

Remus was warm. He was steady, with a mix of delicacy and restrained strength that put her heartbeat at ease. Chocolate swirled with cinnamon and butterscotch. He was solace. He was familiar. There was no rush, no urgency to the kiss. But most importantly: there was no substance. There was no spark.

They pulled back simultaneously, staring at one another in question.

After a few tense seconds, Remus spoke, “Did it—“

“—Feel like you were kissing a sibling? Yes.”

They both burst into laughter.

He reached over and grabbed her hand, “I do love you though, that’ll never change, even if it’s not…romantic.”

She smiled, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on his cheek, secretly thankful that their relationship wasn’t in danger of changing. For a fleeting moment, she thought of Sirius.

She wondered if he felt as hollow when he kissed Mary. 

[thaliaisalesbian]

i get myself twisted in threads

Chapter 20: when you see it's me

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21

Nancy’s stuck in her head at lunch, but Jonathan knows he is, too. His grades have never been the highest—his average is probably a B, honestly—but with everything going on he’s let them slip a little more. He’s been pulled aside by both of his teachers today so far.

He needs to pick up his grades again, or he might not get a scholarship like he needs to in order to go to NYU for photography.

He doesn’t try too hard to draw Nancy into conversation; he managed to get a couple of extra credit assignments, and he’s going to be doing make-up points on a test tomorrow. He can get his grades back up, and then when he’s going into exams he won’t have to worry as much about getting an A in order to keep his Bs in his classes.

If he wants As, he’ll have to try a little harder.

He hadn’t realized that all the time he’s been spending with Steve had been affecting his schoolwork this way. Given how much time Steve has been spending on his own schoolwork, he probably should be doing better.

“What time did you want to leave today?” Nancy asks, as they’re walking out.

“I’ll be in the dark room,” He says. He hadn’t had a set time in mind. “Just whenever you’re done, I guess.”

“Okay. I’ll try not to take too long.”

She walks away, like she’s got a plan in her head; at least more of one than she’d had this morning.

It’s then that Jonathan realizes he hadn’t even asked her how her test went.

finish on ao3 or under the cut

He’s got a lot of film that he needs to work on, with all of the pictures from the other Saturday, and a few that he’s taken for his portfolio.

It doesn’t help that he hasn’t been in the dark room… probably since before Steve went missing. He hadn’t had any pictures to develop and look at like he had when Will had gone missing.

He’ll have to remember which ones he needs to make multiple copies of, too.

It’s nice to fall back into the easy rhythm of processing the negatives; he’s practiced enough at it that he can almost zone out as he works.

By the time Nancy knocks on the door, he’s got a couple rolls of film hung up to dry. Since he booked the room for the night, no one’s going to disturb them, so he leaves them up. He’ll get them in the morning before he goes to class.

“Your mom won’t mind me staying for dinner?”

“Never, you know that.” She’s got a little crease between her eyes. “Find anything?”

“A little. Our best bet is still probably talking to Steve, though.”

“Should we stop at the public library?” It’s a lot bigger than the one here, and it might have something else.

“No, by the time we get back to your house it’ll be dinner time anyway.”

Will and Mike are at the table when they walk in; that probably means that Steve is in his room.

“Mom called and said she’ll be home soon.” Will pauses the conversation to tell him. “And I already put dinner in the oven!”

“Good job, Will.”

“I was just following Steve’s directions. He’s in your room, he was out here but when Mike came over he left.”

“Thanks, Will.” Jonathan ruffles his hair, just to annoy him. Mike’s making a face at him, but that’s nothing new. He stopped being cool as soon as he started dating Nancy, apparently. 

He wonders what Mike would think if he knew that Nancy was dating both him and Steve now. He knows that Mike had had more than a few things to say about Steve at first. He’s cooled off now, which is probably for the best.

Steve’s got some of his work spread out on Jonathan’s bed; he doesn’t look up when they come in.

“Hey,” Mom probably won’t say anything with Mike here, so he shuts the door. “Anything fun in there?”

“No. Is there ever?”

“Probably not.” Still, Steve’s gotten almost all the way through his make-up work. Jonathan would have taken the year off, but he knows that Steve doesn’t want to hear it again. He just thinks it’s really impressive, how much work Steve has gotten done.

“I have bad news for you, Steve.” Nancy sets her bag down and pulls a folder out. “They gave me more work for you today.”

“I’m not even done with everything they gave me last time!”

“You’re pretty close, though.” Jonathan sits next to Steve, careful not to disrupt his papers.

“You want to talk about last night.” Steve guesses, before either of them says anything. “I don’t know why it happens, it doesn’t happen a lot, and I can’t control it. I wasn’t ignoring you, Jon, I wouldn’t do that on purpose. I just… couldn’t talk.”

“I looked a few things up.” Nancy launches into what Jonathan’s sure is going to be a long description, filled with psychological terms, more clinical than personal.

It’s what she tends to do, when she’s worried or scared. He doesn’t know how to talk to her about it.

“Nance,” Steve stops her after a few minutes. “Thanks for looking that up, but it’s all going way over my head.”

“Steve, I’m trying to find an explanation!”

“I know you are.” Steve soothes, and Jonathan doesn’t think he’s seen this particular side of Steve and Nancy before. “It’s nice that you want to help.”

“I can help! We can figure it out and we can stop it, or make it easier for you. We can have a plan for what we’re going to do when it happens again, a signal or something.” She looks like she’s about a second from stomping her foot on the floor. If this weren’t supposed to be a serious discussion, Jonathan would laugh at her.

“And we can do that. But, Nancy, come on. We don’t need a reason why it happens, we don’t need a bunch of fancy words right now. We can have a plan without those.” Steve holds up a hand before either of them can say anything, taking a breath and letting it out slowly. “Besides, I’m pretty sure it’s just a trauma thing. It’s not, like, tied directly to anything happening, but sometimes everything’s just too much and I shut down.”

That… could be right. It’s the best explanation they have, at least. Or at least it’s part of it.

“You did this before the Upside Down, Steve.” Nancy accuses, like that really matters. “You can’t just brush it off like that!”

“I’m not brushing anything off. We can come up with a signal or something, for when it happens, but I don’t think you need to be looking into that much.”

“What if we can stop it? What it’s something we can fix?” Her voice cracks on the last word, and Jonathan looks between Nancy—arms crossed tight over her chest, fingers twitching, and tearing up because she’s so frustrated—and Steve—sitting straight up, very stiff and still, and with an eerie blankness in his face.

He feels like he’s just learned something, about both of them, but he can’t describe what it is.

“I’m not a project for you to fix, Nance.” Steve says softly, shaking his head, and there’s a little warmth in his voice, breaking the frozen image.

Inexplicably, Jonathan’s fingers itch for his camera.

Nancy visibly stops herself from saying something. “I just want you to be okay, Steve.”

“I know.” When Nancy sits on Steve’s other side, not as careful of his work as Jonathan was, Steve pulls her into his side and then reaches for Jonathan to do the same. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, Jon. I didn’t think it would happen.”

“It’s okay.”

“How long do we have until Will and Mike come looking for us?” Steve leans in a little. “We could clear off the bed, and it’s not like your door is open…”

“Steve.” Jonathan says. “No, my mom is coming home soon.”

“Not even a little making out?”

“No.” Besides, Jonathan’s not sure why Steve wants to do anything right now; while he’s healing, they’ve been told very firmly by Owens, Irene, Mom, and Hopper (that one had made Jonathan want to crawl into a hole and never come out) that until Steve’s cleared for more vigorous activity, they can’t try anything.

“But it’ll be a good distraction!”

“From what?”

“Homework.”

“We can be distracted from our homework and not be making out.” Nancy rolls her eyes, looking at him for backup.

Steve also looks at him, but he’s doing an exaggerated pout, and somehow it doesn’t even look all that funny on him.

Jonathan does want to kiss him now, actually.

“I don’t know, Nance, Steve might have a point.”

“Not you too!”

“But it’s fun, Nancy! Don’t you like kissing us?” Steve must poke her side from the way she jumps.

“That’s not the point! We have things we need to be doing, and talking about, and two little brothers just outside in the living room!”

“Your brother being in the house has never stopped you before, Nance, don’t pull that card. Holly being in the house hasn’t stopped you, at least Mike knocks thirty percent of the time.”

“Will knows how to knock, and you really think he’d let Mike come in without knocking?” Jonathan says, just to get a rise out of her. It works.

“If you don’t want to kiss, that’s okay.” Steve tells her, leaning a little more into Jonathan’s side. “Jonny and I can entertain ourselves.”

Nancy buries her face in her hands and mumbles something. Steve laughs, close enough now that Jonathan can feel his breath on his face. It’s just a light kiss, at first, but when Jonathan pushes a little harder, Steve follows his lead.

When he needs to breathe, he pulls back just a little; he can’t even really see much of Steve’s face.

“What was that, Nance?” He knows he sounds just a little breathless; it’s what he was going for.

“You’re going to kill me!” She says, looking up at the end of her sentence, right in time to see them kiss again.

Jonathan feels the bed shift as she moves, but he’s more focused on pressing Steve down into the pillows, carefully settling his weight over Steve’s hips.

They’ve just gotten comfortable with it—he doesn’t think he and Steve have actually kissed quite like this before—when Nancy steals a pillow and whacks him with it.

“I thought you wanted to do homework?” He asks, a tad too innocently. “What’s with the pillow, babe?”

“It’s my turn.” She’s got her arms crossed again, but’s a little looser than it was earlier.

“With who?”

“I don’t know! Both of you! Move, Jonathan.”

“If you don’t know, why does he have to move?” Steve gets hit this time. Jonathan would kiss him again, but Steve’s laughing too hard for it to work.

“Mom’s home! She says it’s time to eat!” Will calls through the door, and Nancy huffs.

“Do you think she’ll let us eat in here?”

“No, not when Steve and I look like this.” Jonathan says, and Nancy’s eyebrows draw in as she gives them both a once-over. Steve’s hair is more of a mess than usual; he hasn’t been styling it lately, but it’s noticeable, and Jonathan’s sure his is too.

“My turn, then. I mean it.” She kisses him first, and he lets her take the lead.

Before they’d started dating Steve, Jonathan had never gotten her wound up like this on purpose. Probably couldn’t, not in the same way, at least. But god is it fun.

She doesn’t shove him off of Steve, just lays down so she can grab his face and turn it towards her.

It’s probably a good thing that his mom knocks when she does. 

“Don’t make me open this door, I know you heard Will. You’ve got five minutes.” She says sternly, but underneath it she’s laughing a little.

Maybe they can get her to tell a story about her teenage years tonight. Jonathan doesn’t know much about what she was like at his age. 

“Coming, Joyce.” Nancy pulls away to answer. “Fix yourselves up, boys.” She says it like she’s not red in the face either, her lips a little swollen.

“Oh, shut up.” Jonathan tells her, if only because he can’t think of anything else to say. 

Jonathan climbs off of Steve, and he sits up a little too quickly if his wince is anything to go by.

“You good? Do you want your crutches?” Steve’s hardly been using them, even if he’s still supposed to. “Nah, I’m fine. Hey, how much footsie do you think we can get away with under the table?”

“Don’t even start, Steve.” Nancy warns.

“Well, yeah, we’re not at the table yet.”

“Steve. Jonathan, control our boyfriend.”

“I dunno, it sounds fun to me. Mom won’t care. Unless we kick her.”

“I am going to sit far away from you. I’ll sit next to Mike.” Nancy threatens, but Mike would probably kick her if she did that and she knows it.

“No, you won’t.” Given that she beats them to the table, she easily could have, but instead there’s a spot for Steve across from her and a spot for Jonathan next to her.

Will makes a face at him behind Mike’s back, and Mom gives him a look, but other than that, no one says anything.

The air around the kitchen table feels lighter than it has in a long time.

It almost feels like it did during the kids’ sleepovers, before the Upside Down stuff started.

Jonathan doesn’t know much about psychology, but something about it feels a little like healing.

<;- 19 21 ->

[strlstlvr]

ERASE, a yang jungwon smau ♡

CHAPTER SEVEN. i don’t know you (written)

◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹

Finally laying down in your own room, on your own bed you can relax.

The big breathe you exhale releasing all the tenseness in your body, releasing all the stress and nerves from today.

The room was quiet, all you could hear was your own breath.

For the first time in a while, you were truly alone with your thoughts.

You were finally able to process everything that happened today, there was that rush of adrenaline from being in front of the crowd but there was a lingering sense of a negative emotion you couldn’t quite pin point yet.

‘it’s too quiet in here’, you think and bring yourself to get up from your bed.

You walk over to your desk and kneel down to rummage through one of the drawers.

Finally after searching deep enough is your speaker, picking it up and turning it on to connect to your phone and picking a random playlist.

The smooth guitar of the song feels almost nostalgic.

Placing your phone down, you catch a glimpse of something bright red in your peripheral catching your attention.

Getting a good look at it you realize it’s an old photo book, one of you and Jungwon.

Those emotions that were once forgotten came rushing back as quickly as they left.

You hesitate but you decide to open it anyways.

The first picture is just a polaroid of you two holding the book.

‘Why did you have to choose the most obnoxious bright red one?’

‘It’s as bright as the love i have for you!’

‘oh my god that is so corny’

As you’re flipping through the book every picture came alive as a memory you’d forgotten.

Suddenly you realize your heart aches at the memories and you’re fighting back the tears that are pooling in your eyes.

Earlier today you were singing in front of a crowd smiling and sweaty and now only a few hours later here you are, a light stream of tears making their way down your face.

As you cry every emotion out of your body, you realize you still loved him.

Although Jungwon had seemed like a different person at the end of your relationship those feelings seemed to have never faded.

You said you hated him and these feelings but you couldn’t hate him, no matter how hard you tried to push him away you just couldn’t.

-

That night before when you went to bed, you were exhausted, immediately falling into deep sleep as soon as your head hit the pillows.

At this point, you had given up on waiting for Jungwon to go to bed with you, instead just falling asleep when you wanted to which was always before him.

Recently he was quiet, you didn’t think much of it though you just assumed he was stressed due to whatever exam he had to study for.

This night was different though.

Wether or not you considered yourself to be a heavy sleeper, you heard his frustrated groan and the way he pushed open your bedroom door angrily.

At this, you tossed to your other side now facing the boy who didn’t know you were even conscious.

Finally you felt the weight of his next to you, but this time it felt different.

It felt strange, like you didn’t recognize the person lying next to you.

You open your eyes, expecting to see your boyfriend’s face but instead you’re met with the back of his head.

He fell asleep facing away from you, something neither of you did unless one of you fell asleep way before the other.

With the way he’s laying as far as possible from you, at the very edge of the bed

It’s seems like he’s a stranger.

-

The next morning when you wake up, he’s already gone.

You check the bathroom and everywhere but he’s already left your house without even a text.

‘Who even is he anymore?’

With your phone already out, you send him a message.

-> “Hey Won, can we talk?”

<- “Sorry, can’t.”

-> “You don’t even have classes today”

<- “Studying”

-> “Can you come over then at least?”

<- “Ig”

For another hour you waited for him to arrive.

When he finally walked through the door, he sighed.

It was a loud and over-exaggerated on purpose, he wanted you to know that he didn’t want to be there and it inconvenienced him.

Walking into the living room where you were sitting he threw his school bag on the floor, getting ready to immediately dive back into his work.

“Hello to you too I guess”, you say as you roll your eyes.

He doesn’t answer, his actions are making you become more and more annoyed.

“Jungwon”, you call out, “Busy”, he replies.

Now you’ve had enough, the last thing you wanted was for those deep emotions to become worse so you decide to calm down in your room.

“If you’re going back to sleep, can I leave?”

You freeze, it feels as though all the anger that was threatening to spill out had just exploded inside you.

“You know what Yang, yes you can leave and while you’re at it go fuck yourself too”

Now it’s his turn to freeze, you can clearly see his stunned face grow sour.

“Fuck me? You’re the one who begged me to come here when I obviously didn’t want to”, Now he’s standing up.

“Because you’re my boyfriend! You’re supposed to want to be here and around me!”, your voice starts quivering as it grows in volume.

“Oh i’m sorry i’m not a good enough boyfriend for you.”, his tone was mocking you as he rolled his eyes.

It’s quiet for a few seconds as you try to hold back your tears even though unknowingly to you they’ve already fallen.

“Do you not love me anymore?”, you never wanted to say this out loud but it was the only thing you could think of as you cried yourself to sleep every once in a while.

“Look Y/n, you’re just not”, he pauses clearly frustrated with trying to understand his own mind.

“You’re not my main focus right now, not my main priority. You’re honestly the last thing on my mind right now and having you around is constantly distracting and honestly annoying.”

Something in you snaps, “If that’s really how you feel Yang, then we’re done. I never want to see your face again.”

“Okay.”, he says, his face and tone being hard to read.

Thankfully he hardly took his stuff out so it was easy for him to pick up and leave.

It seemed almost too easy for him to leave.

A/N ! was this angsty enough? honestly this chapter ties in with a line in erase and i did that not on purpose but it makes me excited🤩

TAGLIST ! @fadedluvv @ifearjwn @yyumiii1 @woncheecks @astrae4 @kpopstanmeg

[haemosexuality]

memories i have of being a child and a lesbian:

-first week of 3rd grade, i walked in class and thought "ok i need to pick a boy to have a crush on this year". i thought that was just what you did. picked one bc i thought he had a cool haircut, proceeded to never have a conversation w him

-thinking "girls are naturally so much prettier than boys. this is common knowledge"

-being really jealous of the Cool Girl in my 4th grade class that was One Of The Boys. she played football with them. she sat really relaxed in chairs. she doesnt care about being pretty. isnt that just so cool? starts consciously trying to imitate her. also, even before that i always made sure to INSIST that my favorite color was blue and i did NOT like pink!!!!

-playing barbies with my cool, older cousin (she mustve been like 11? 12? i was around 8). her barbie was a mess because she had just broken up with her other barbie. i was confused. she explained to me what lesbians were (i knew men could be gay, but not women). immediately after that every single doll i had was a lesbian in a relationship. after figuring that it was probably a bit weird i was so obsessed with making my dolls lesbians, i came to the conclusion i would "probably like girls when i grow up". decided to tell my other, deeply religious cousin about this. she went "WHAT" and i went "HAHA JUST KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE" and never thought about it again

-a year later me and the deeply religious cousin were making ever after high dolls fuck. i was the one that came up w that idea (i also didnt know women could have sex at that point, i thought i had invented lesbian sex) and this haunted me for years bc i thought that that cousin had become homophobic after we grew up. recently found out shes also gay, good for her

-being just Really obsessed with marceline from adventure time for some reason. whenever i saw her on tv my heart would beat really really fast. wonder whats up w that 🤔

-being grounded for like, 5 months when i was 10 because my mom found out i was watching youtube videos from a lesbian couple. and also some videos with sex jokes. i wish i remembered that the lesbians channel was so bad

-i also watched lubatv. hes a brazilian youtuber famous for being openly gay. he introduced me to the concept of shipping, because ppl shipped him with another youtuber, t3ddy. he (plus facebook, and the cool older cousin from before) also introduced me to social activism

-asking permission from my parents to put a rainbow filter on my facebook pfp, in support of gay people. i thought i was such a good straight ally. i dont remember what happened but i think something negative mustve bc a lot of ppl were doing that in 2015. wait fuck now that i think about it that mightve actually been in 2016 because of pulse

- (we are still in 2015 im still 10) watching clips from Steven Universe Season 1 Episode 53 Jailbreak on youtube. they were (badly) subtitled bc i didnt speak english yet. i was absolutely shocked and could not believe they would show two girls kissing in a childrens cartoons, not bc i thought that was bad but bc i was like. would cartoon network really allow this??? i proceed to memorize the entire episode (again i didnt even speak english. and i watched it so many times i memorized it anyways lmao)

-being 11, and having my friend introduce to me this cool new thing she had found online, "fanfics". she linked me a college au fanfic of marceline and bubblegum from adventure time. it had a fade to black implied sex scene. i was hypnotized

-i was a very anxious child and every morning before getting to school i would prepare step-by-step what i would do when entering class. one day my internal monologue went "walk in, say good morning to teacher, kiss [previously mentioned girl best friend] on the mouth, say hello to- wait. where did that come from". start wondering if i was really Just A Really Good Straight Ally

-few days later, me and my friend group were discussing gay people. one of them asked "like i wonder if any of us are gonna be gay?". i thought for about 2.5 seconds and said "i think im bi", being the first one on my class to come out. they were all p chill ab it. i am not bi but its the thought that counts

-cutting off 30 inches of my really long hair and shaving one side at 11. my dad was mad at me for a week and he told me "i dont understand why you did this. you're looking like a dyke". originally i had planned to cut all of it really short "boy style" but the hairstylist insisted on at the very least letting half of it be longer. i did think half shaved hair was Cool so i was fine with that