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neowinestainedress · 22 days ago

Note

hehe i guess i should bring this here ><

please forgive them they're two dumb bitches

😭😭 but also adorably cute dumb bitches that make us feeling giddy 😭😭 i will forgive then for that

i love the concept of stoner!hyuck but i always think i'll write high/drunk characters in terrible ways so unfortunately this is all you're going to get from me

dare i say... i cooked with this haechan?

well at least you know where your strength is and USE IT WELL. As for a reader like me i'll just consume anything about hyuck that can show how hot and attractive he is 😩😩❤️‍🔥 so i'm not gonna complain (even from the start too tbh!!)

tbh i think i pictured him with just a shirt he was wearing underneath but you know what... i love this different point of view!!!

HSHDLDHSLSJ NAURRRR tbh i do think oh maybe hes just wearing the white shirt but since no more explanation given and my mind already travel to them making out in the kitchen (WHICH HAPPENED BUT NOT QUITE cuz damn imagine two sexy scenes consecutively) but he he he 😳😳

unfortunately i love this dynamic way too much and i think it shows... oops...

IT DOES AND I LOVE IT TOO SO YEAHH PLEASE KEEP GOING ✊🏻✊🏻

I'M SORRY BUT I LOVE HOW YOU SAID "here's the crucial part" ten times lmao i'm sorry for making you suffer

HELPCJSUSKS THE WAY I ACTUALLY TOOK A WHOLE DAY TO READ THE FULL FIC (i even open my notes to jot down where i wanna comment, so after done, i just copy paste) BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M RIDING A REAL LIFE ROLLER COASTER BUT I GOT TO PAUSE AND BREATHE AND DO MY OTHER THINGS IN BETWEEN BECAUSE DAMN 🥵🥵 THE TENSIONS, VERY ADVENTUROUS RIDE I WILL SAY

THANK YOU OMG AOJSOAOSA

you deserve ALL OF MY COMPLIMENTS the way i dont even bother to correct my typos cuz thats how i feel when i wrote them right after reading the part so you can feel the feeling im trying to deliver to you 🥹🥹

CONGRATULATIONS! you predicted the future

I CHEERED WHEN I READ THE AFTER MANY YEARS PART LIKE OMGGGG THATS MY COUPLE!!!!

omg i really traumatized people with hits different 😭😭😭 but i've been good this time, i think i should be forgiven

oh you do!! (i mean youre forgiven!) even if you repeat the angst, i would still cheer too cuz every night i would create a (hurt comfort) story about unrequited love with (or haechan as fill in) before i go to sleep, just to feel the pain

THIS!!! i hate when rivals/enemies get together and the tension dies i needed to make sure this wasn't the case!

YEAAA LIKE PLS KEEP THE COMPETITION ON IT IS WHAT THE AUDIENCES HERE FOR

wait is this a pov question or am i just stupid and you're saying you love them so much they're you're parents 😭

I DON'T ALWAYS GO AROUND CAUSING HEARTBREAK I PROMISE!!!

NO NOOO ITS THE LATTER ONEEE 😭😭 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE LIKE MY PARENTS TOO

AND YESSS OF COURSE YOU DONT AND THANK YOU FOR THAT, not that i mind too but YESSS EVERY STORY DESERVE THE HAPPY ENDING ON THE SPOT AND YOU ALWAYS DO JUSTICE TO ALL YOUR FICS

DON'T WORRY! i love reading about your thoughts and it doesn't matter if it comes out a year after i posted the fic, i will always enjoy reading it! i'm glad you liked it, i love academic rivals to lovers but i'm also picky with this trope so to know someone who enjoys it loved this fic makes me really happy.

I JUST FEEL BAD CUZ I DO COME HERE AND READ OTHER FICS BUT IDK WHEN IT COMES TO SUPER GOOD FICS THAT I KNOW AND AIM TO READ DURING MY VERY FREE TIME WHERE NO ONE SHOULD DISTURB ME, I WILL REALLY TAKE TIME. but somehow i feel like i took too much time this time and i just decided to read it two days ago even when at first i read it at night before working and continue at my workplace and the night after (hence why i said i really took a whole day to finish it) and somehow im glad i decided to read it already. YOU'RE SO TRUEEE LIKE THIS TROPE ISNT SOME KIND OF GENRE THAT YOU CAN JUST WRITE IT EASILY TO KEEP THE FIRE ALIVE UNTIL THE END. thats why it's hard to find this trope with a very very good momentum from the start until the end. AND WHEN I SAW YOU FINALLY ANNOUNCING TO WRITE THIS TROPE MONTHS AGO, I FEEL SO HAPPY I REALLY WANNA SAVE IT FOR THE BEST TIME 🥹🥹 and i didnt regret i put my expectation on you BECAUSE IT DOES BEYOND MY EXPECTATION 🥹💖💖

SO PEOPLE GET THE DETAILS I PUT IN THIS OMG THANK YOU!!! i mean i know it's stupid because if you bias haechan this are known things and i know that's why people don't come gag in my asks or comments and be like "omg you put this" but i still have to think about it and to write everything in a way it makes sense so i'm happy when people point it out 😭 OKAY I EVEN HAVE A SCENE OF THEM CALLING THEMSELVES WITH NICKNAMES "BEAR" AND "HONEY" THAT WOULD BE SO CORNY BUT ALSO CUTEEEEEE no no i agree and i LOVE THIS OMG it's canon that that's how they have each other saved in the contacts idc

AND GUESS WHO FINALLY COME BACK TO IG AND POSTING PICTURES THAT FIT SO MUCH WITH THIS FIC I FEEL SO LUCKY READING THIS FIC AROUND THIS TIME AND HAECHAN POSTING PICS DURING AUTUMN CUZ YEA I KNOW I LIVE IN TROPICAL COUNTRY BUT I LOVE AUTUMN SEASON THE MOST AND HAECHAN IS JUST SO BEAR AND THE SEASON FITS HIM THE MOST 😭😭 I WANNA CRY!!! noOO I THINK ONE THING ABOUT SFS IS, WE WILL ALWAYS BE PROUD OF HAECHAN'S REFERENCES BE IT SMALL OR BIG. I LOVE LOVE IT SO MUCH WHEN PEOPLE DESCRIBES HIS BRAND ALTHO WE ALL ALREADY HAVE IT ALL PICTURE IN OUR HEAD BUT TO READ THE DETAILS OF IT??? OH ITS MY FAVOURITE THING!! i almost forgot to say it but then i read back my reblogged and I WAS LIKE WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT YAYY IM HAPPY I MADE YOUR DAY TOO!! OMG OMG YOU'RE MAKING ME ALL GIDDY FOR GIVING THE FREE CANON GLSHSLSHD THAT IS JUST SO CUTE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEE *huffing a deep breathe* i just... love haechan brands so much like everything just fit like a puzzle pieces like... 🥹🥹 to the point I REALLY THINK THIS UNIVERSE REVOLVE AROUND HIM LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SAID "stop including haechan in this or that" I WILL WANT TO SCREAM "YEAA BUT DO EVER MEET A PERSON WHO HAS A CONSTELLATION MOLES WHICH CREATE A SMALL DIPPER WHICH ALSO KNOWN AS LITTLE BEAR AND HAECHAN IS JUST A WARM AND CUTE BEAR IN DISGUISE OF HOOMAN AND THEN THERE IS THIS BEAR CALLED SUN BEAR AND SUN AND BEAR ARE YELLOWISH ORANGE AND BROWN AND SO DOES SUNFLOWER AND SUNFLOWER LOOK UP TO SUN TO STAY ALIVE AND THE COLOUR PALETTE REMINDS YOU OF AUTUMN AND SUMMER AND HAECHAN IS, AGAIN, A WARM BEAR, THAT CAN MEAN AN IDEAL BOYFRIEND/MAN WITH COMFY SWEATER THATS NICE TO HUG DURING COLD WEATHER AND HIS SKIN IS GLOWING AND THAT REMINDS YOU OF SUMMER AND ITS HOT AND HAECHAN IS HOT--" goddamn i will never shut up about haechan brands but i need to stop myself or this will be so damn long

the friendship wasn't even that present at the start but i really wanted her to find a group of people so here we are... yeah lmao i kinda forgot about it and i have the profiles half done (tbh i only had in mind to post the after of haechan and the mc, but simply because i have to make two of them if i want to add the reader and it would take time) i also have to post the song project design. i'll try to post it next week!

yeaa i noticed that but then i thought maybe in the 2nd part she will include it cuz i remembered being excited of yangyang to be included in aside from the usual dream members (yes i have a very soft spot for yangyang if its not obvious already) AND YESS LIKE I SAID I KNOW SHE has a time where she feel insecure and there's a hints where she mentions of how she is back in past, like the struggles, things that she left behind, so im really sure youll add the friendship no matter what too somewhere near the end and its not out of nowhere, it just fit with the flow of the plot. AND OHHH YOU CAN TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THAT, i was just asking anyway cuz i stumbled upon those profiles again when i was looking for the masterpost (well lowkey looking forward to jeno's relationship with you know... his loverboy and yangyang too)

thank you so so so much for this! you have no idea how happy it makes me to know you like my writing so much! (toxic!hyuck is something we don't talk about around here (no but seriously we came a long way lol)) love you! 💙

MY PLEASUREEEE AND LIKE I SAID YOU DESERVE ALL OF IT AND I MEAN IT!!! 💞💞 and trueee hahaahaha i think i started leaving you feedback like this from that series too but yeaa we dont talk in details about that WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT POSITIVE HAECHAN CHARACTERS ONLY TO KEEP THE VIBES UP 🤭🤭 love you back too!! 🧡

moving to asks was a wise idea

as a reader i do the same unfortunately as a writer i’m too aware of what i do to don’t care sigh

i wanted to say “if he had no shirt on she wouldn’t have stopped” but tbh haechan is so sezy even all dressed with no skin showing i think it was a struggle anyway

IT DOES AND I LOVE IT TOO SO YEAHH PLEASE KEEP GOING ✊🏻✊🏻

AND I WON’T STOP!!!

taking the whole day and writing comments in the notes while reading🥺🥰iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

no i agree typos just make it even more real and show exactly how one’s feeling at the moment

ah yes the scenarios before going to sleep, my beloved ��(they will ruin my life one day)

YEAAA LIKE PLS KEEP THE COMPETITION ON IT IS WHAT THE AUDIENCES HERE FOR

TELL THEM!!

NO NOOO ITS THE LATTER ONEEE 😭😭 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE LIKE MY PARENTS TOO

OH OKAY SAME THEN

AND YESSS OF COURSE YOU DONT AND THANK YOU FOR THAT, not that i mind too but YESSS EVERY STORY DESERVE THE HAPPY ENDING ON THE SPOT AND YOU ALWAYS DO JUSTICE TO ALL YOUR FICS

thank you!!!😭😭😭

my fics are REALLY long tho so i understand if people need time, and tbh i prefer to know people want to sit down and READ yk? it would be easy to just skim through it, maybe just read the smut scenes and leave, but taking time to read and enjoy what i write means everything to me. don’t tell you boss that! i’m happy it didn’t let you down! i was terrified of letting myself down too, also because it’s such a specific trope i’m not sure i could write another fic similar to this without feeling like copying it yk?

IKR??? HE SAID “GUESS WHO’S A MUSIC MAJOR OVERWORKING HIMSELF ON A PROJECT WITH HIS ENEMY?” i feel like I have many readers from tropical countries i need to stop being too specific with months in my stories and just say the season lmao. everything you said!!! i couldn’t have said it better! everything about him is just so nice and pretty and fits him so well (like dub, obviously but it REALLY fits him)

i feel like this story could’ve made a great series and i could’ve dug deeper into all the other characters and their relationships too but me and series don’t have a great history (also i know it’s bad to say, but i feel they are rarely successful, already having to split this in two didn’t make it do great numbers, more chapters would’ve done worse. and i write because i like it but it also takes time so i’m not happy when fics flop) i need to put yangyang in more things and give him more space, my baby. yeah i wanted the mc to find friendship even before finding love, yk, also to show that they completely welcome each other in their lives because haechan was so close with his friends if he didn’t care about her he would’ve never dragged her with him (if when it was for his flop plan) yeah i couldn’t do it this week rip. no of course, i put it there so it’s normal to ask, i just forget about stuff lol MY LOVES RENJUN AND JENO

thank you again! and sorry if it took me a while to reply 💞

#answered #haecastor #fic: wave

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daydreaming-in-letters · 3 years ago

Text

Don't wait up

04/13/2022

Pairing: Walter Marshall x fem!reader (3rd person)

Word Count: 2,748

Warnings: language, angst, graphic description of a wet, freshly showered Walter, fluff

Summary: It's your anniversary and Walter has stood you up—again. When he finally comes home to apologise, he finds the house empty.

A/N: I can't believe this has been sitting in my WIPs for eight months now. I'm glad my muse finally showed mercy on poor Walter and let me finish this. It's my first time writing for the bear. Hope you like it.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Picture found on Pinterest (cropped)

If you like my story, you are very welcome to like, comment or reblog. Please don’t copy, repost or share my work on other platforms.

With a sigh he checked the time before he turned off the engine and the headlights died away, leaving him in the dim light of the console. Already past ten. And he had done it again. A soft thud echoed through the cockpit as his head fell back against the head rest and his eyes shut out the world for a moment. He could see them so clearly now, her eyes, sombre from the disappointment, breaking his heart even before he would finally face her rightful wrath.

Although the day had started out rather promisingly. He had been in high spirits when he left the house, happy that this year he wouldn’t screw up again. Already two weeks ago he had made reservations at her favourite restaurant and requested to take half the day off. He had wanted to do everything right, clean up the house, iron the light blue shirt she liked so much on him, buy some champagne, strawberries and vanilla bubble bath for dessert, hell, he had even put candles and rose petals for the bedroom on the shopping list.

After all, he had a lot to make up for. There had been so much work lately, forcing him to leave early in the morning and return home past her bedtime almost every night. Of course, in his job that wasn’t unusual. There were always times when a case would keep him away from her more than he liked, but this time it had been particularly bad. He missed her terribly and he knew that she felt the same, although she never complained. She never would, that’s not who she was, but he could see it in her eyes sometimes or feel it in the way she hugged him tightly when he came to bed, her mind already far away in a dream while her body was still seeking his warmth subconsciously.

And today of all days hadn’t been any different. Something had come up last minute, shattering his meticulous plans. It was always something, he thought. It didn’t even matter what it was, he had let it become more important than her once again and that was inexcusable.

With a scowl, he glared down at the paper bag and the bunch of half-wilted red roses next to him. What a joke. She had probably eaten by now anyway and in case she had not, sitting down with him for a romantic self-made dinner was most likely the last thing she wanted to do tonight. But it was the least he could do, to just try, to apologise and hope for her forgiveness, if only because he didn’t know what he would do if she wouldn’t grant him her pardon.

But as he marched over to the front door, his measly offerings clutched to his side, he knew there wasn’t much hope left. The windows were pitch black, showing no signs of life whatsoever and when he stepped inside, he was greeted with nothing but glum silence.

“Y/N?” he asked into the darkness, tentatively. He hadn’t expected an answer and yet his chest constricted painfully for a moment. Setting down the bag on the kitchen island carefully, he huffed at the tattered flowers in his hand before he ascended the stairs, not prepared in the least to deal with the bitter resentment in her eyes.

“Y/N?”

Softly his knuckles pressed against the white wood, as if they were afraid to startle a sleeping fury. But again, there was no answer, giving him the chance to take one last deep breath before he stepped into the bedroom.

“Honey, I’m sorry,” he babbled while he crossed the room blindly. “I know I fucked up again, but—“ He halted instantly as the dull light of his bedside lamp illuminated the room, revealing that he had in fact been talking to himself. “Honey?” his voice bellowed through the room, loud enough that she would have heard him in the last corner of the house, but it stayed silent. He already knew that it was for nothing when he hurried into the corridor to roar her name again. His stomach twisted violently, sending a wave of panic through him that made his head spin when he finally reached for his phone.

A message. How could he not have seen that any sooner? Eyebrows knit together tightly, the first drops of sweat began to bead on his forehead as the three words slowly sank in.

DON’T WAIT UP

No. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening.

“Fuck!” he hollered into the emptiness of their home, an emptiness that began to seep under his skin as well, taking hold of him bit by bit as his back slumped into the wall and he slid down onto the floor.

Happy fucking anniversary.

Softly the terry cloth rubbed along his impressive thighs, the vibration of his steps sending some drops of water flying from his wet curls onto his bare shoulders from where they set out to cascade down his back and front, some of them catching in his lush chest hair to sparkle in the warm light of the empty bedroom. He would call her again, probably just another fruitless attempt like the other ten times he had tried to reach her before finally deciding to take a shower.

If only he knew she was someplace safe. He was almost sure that she was, but this last bit of uncertainty kept nagging in the back of his head, making his heart heavy and his stomach turn every time he imagined what might happen to her if she wasn’t. Fucking job. It served him right though, this torture. Maybe it was exactly what he needed to finally wake up—if only it wasn’t too late already.

With a determined motion, his hand set out to grab his phone from the messy pile of clothes he had left on the bed, his knuckles brushing a piece of white paper in the process. A piece of paper that definitely hadn’t been there when he had vanished into the bathroom a few minutes ago.

His phone thudding back onto the bed, he scooped up the small, folded sheet with a pair of shaky hands. Carefully his fingers unfurled the note, the paper trembling violently between them, making it almost impossible to read the black letters.

MEET ME IN THE TRUCK IN 10. DON’T BE LATE—AGAIN…

He couldn’t remember an occasion at which he had gotten dressed faster than now. Skipping the underwear, he ripped a pair of khaki shorts and a plain black T-shirt out of the wardrobe before he hastily set out to dry his hair off with the towel that had sat on his hips mere seconds ago.

His heart was beating at full speed when he finally made it to the head of the stairs, flying down the carpeted wood at a reckless pace, only one thought on his mind. He had almost made it to the door when another thought suddenly pushed aside her image for a moment and he rushed back into the kitchen.

It was only when he laid eyes on the car at last, the mild summer air welcoming him outside, that he remembered to breathe. The engine was already running, headlights on, making it impossible for him to catch sight of her familiar form in the driver’s seat. Only a few steps, one last sprint, separated him from her, a distance so small and yet she was as far away as never before.

Legs heavy as lead, he fought his way over to her, his hope that he hadn’t lost her for good yet sinking with every step he took towards the black vehicle. He needed to see her, needed to look into her eyes to know if there was reason for optimism and it was this need that made him muster the courage to close his fingers around the handle and pull.

A need, he realised, that wouldn’t be satisfied anytime soon as she just kept staring out front, not caring in the least that he had just yanked open the door, out of breath and desperate to feel her eyes on him.

“Get in.”

The tone of her voice, barely audible above the whirring of the engine, gave him nothing to ease his troubled mind. But even if it didn’t show any anger either, he knew that there was no reason for hope just yet. So he simply obeyed, gliding into the seat beside her silently.

He had expected her to hit the gas as soon as the door had fallen shut behind him, but she didn’t. Patiently he waited, a spark of newfound hope spiralling through him as the thought crossed his mind that she maybe wanted to say something, hesitating to set off until she had found the right words. And it was this tiny fragment of hope that spread his lips into an unsure smile while his arm moved on its own to hold out his pitiful peace offering to her.

And even though it didn’t make her speak, it made her look. Not at him, but at the representation of his regret, and that was good enough for him. Her eyes flicking from one burgundy bud to the next as if she had never seen a bouquet of red roses before allowed him a moment to take in the woman he loved and he couldn’t shake off the unsettling feeling that it might be the last time this privilege would ever be granted to him. For a split second, it seemed as if she would reach out to accept his apology, but instead of the flowers, her fingers closed around the gearstick and yanked it into reverse.

She was a good driver, even if she was prone to speed from time to time. Sometimes he would scold her for it, making her laugh it off every time. “It’s not my fault, Walter, you know that. It’s just the way my primal instincts react to this ridiculous amount of horse power.”

But tonight, for the first time, he couldn’t shake off the urge to hold on tight to something as the truck shot through the night and so his fingers firmly shut around the handle beside him. He didn’t let go until her foot finally left the gas and she steered the vehicle off the main road and into the pitch black darkness of a forestry trail. His hands were clammy and he tried drying them off on his shorts without catching her attention, but with every minute they ventured further into the woods, he felt the sweat return.

She still hadn’t said a word since their departure and he couldn’t think of anything sensible to talk about either, not for the life of him. To say that her unusually taciturn state threw him off would have been an absolute understatement, and slowly but surely his body switched into alert mode. He couldn’t help it. It came with the job and had slipped into his DNA after all these years. Of course, he knew that it was ridiculous. She was his sweet honey pie and she would never even think about hurting her Walter Bear, or would she? He had seen people snap and kill for less than a ruined anniversary—or two.

He jolted as the truck came to a sudden halt and risked a quick glance over at his driver. Still, nothing about her gave him a hint what she felt or what all this was about.

“Honey,” he tried, treading lightly, even though his voice was raised to drown out the roaring of the engine. “You’re making me nervous.” Halfway through his sentence she had turned the key and he felt like an idiot for hollering his insecurity into the silence that followed. He tried a meek smile to make up for the volume. “Did you take me here to get rid of me?”

But instead of laughing about his silly remark, not even the tiniest bit, she just opened the door and let the night swallow her.

“Hey, where are you going?”

Throwing the flowers carelessly onto the driver’s seat, he dashed after her. She might have given him a little scare with her strange behaviour, but thinking about her in the forest, at night, on her own, made his heart fall into the depths of his stomach instantly.

A deep sigh escaped his chest when he found her right beside the truck bed, busy rolling up the cover. Probably to get a shovel, his inner detective warned, just to look like an idiot once again when the rim of the truck bed lit up in a bunch of fairy lights as if by magic to reveal a cozy bed of blankets and pillows.

“Happy anniversary, baby.”

With a contented sigh, he pulled her closer. She mimicked his movement, tightening her grip on him as well. Her hand had sneaked underneath his T-shirt a good while ago, her fingers lazily raking through his lush chest hair next to the spot where her head lay, right above his heart. He could feel her heartbeat underneath his fingertips as well, strong and steady, and he couldn’t stop a wide grin from forming when he realised that, despite everything he had feared before, it still beat for him. He was sure by now that she had staged her little surprise like this on purpose and he couldn’t blame her. He deserved every last bit of it. And he would take far worse if it meant he wouldn’t lose her.

But now that he held her in the faint light of the starry night sky, all those worries seemed long passed. And however much he tried, he couldn’t remember that he had ever felt luckier than in this exact moment. Well, maybe there was one moment…

“Do you remember our first date?” he mumbled against her silky hair.

“Of course I do. You were so nervous that night. I almost feared you had swallowed your tongue. I mean, you’re usually a man of few words, but that night I was almost sure that you weren’t the right guy for me.”

“I’m glad you changed your mind.”

“I didn’t.” She waited until he began to stir underneath her before she went on. “You did.”

“Me? How?”

Walter watched her head rise from his chest and he was about to protest when her hand abandoned caressing his fur, but then her fingers tenderly brushed aside the stray curl of hair on his forehead and he was appeased.

“Walking me home that night, making sure I got there safely and then you didn't even try to kiss me.”

“But you did.”

He grinned like the Cheshire cat as the memory played out crystal clear in his mind. God, it had been so sexy when she had slowly gotten closer, leaning in ever so slightly until he could feel the heat of her body against his own and there had been no doubt left what she had wanted him to do.

“Yes,” the curve of her lips matched his own now, “and when you finally decided to kiss me back, I knew. Gosh, I had never been kissed like that. So tender but with a touch of passion and possessiveness. And the way you held me in your arms—” He remembered. He had wanted to kiss her so badly, but he had held back, afraid to rush things, and when she had kissed him instead, everything had happened on instinct. He had pressed her to his chest, needing to feel her closer, afraid when he opened his eyes, it would have all been a dream. Walter had known in that moment as well, that he never wanted to hold anyone else from that day on. “Mmmh, nothing could ever compare to that.”

“Nothing?” His eyebrow shot up, intrigued by the challenge he sensed in her words. And with a single shake of her head, the game was on. “Will you at least let me try?”

He was met with no resistance at all when he rolled her onto her back, caging her in underneath his massive body. Instead, her teeth bit down on her lip in a gesture she knew would drive him to the edge of sanity, her fingers eagerly diving into his messy curls as he dipped down with a feral growl to claim her lips with his own.

***

Tag List: please let me know if you want to be removed or added by either ask or DM - thank you!

@summersong69 @myloveforhenrycavill @dorothea-hwldr @omgkatinka @ashesofblackroses @amberangel112 @icarusblinders @zealoushound @asuni921 @endofalldays01 @nerra75 @indigosaurus @nowyouseeme098 @cap-just-said-language @miss-rebel-without-applause @wheretheriversrunintothesea @maan24 @mochionly @introvertedmouse @sofiebstar @kebabgirl67 @marytudorbrandon @littleone65 @thoughtfullyfurryangel @mimi-just-living @themanfromu @agniavateira @enchantedbytomandhenry @lumiousmoon @tumblnewby @crazybutconfidentaf @viking-raider @thorins-queen-of-erebor @aletheladyinred

#walter marshall x reader #walter marshall #walter marshall imagine #walter marshall fanfiction #walter marshall x you #walter marshall fanfic #walter marshall fic #henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #night hunter #don't wait up

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becomewings · 4 years ago

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BTS Universe Timeline

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TIMELINE GUIDE

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers from all BU media

Revisions and additions will be made as necessary, so please visit the original post for the most up-to-date version (update log is included at bottom of post)

All names are provided as fully as known

Bracketed dates are inferred or calculated from references in the text

While the timeline is presented here as objectively as possible, I acknowledge that there is a level of subjectivity in choosing which information is significant enough for inclusion and in certain connections drawn between entries

Please inform me of any suspected errors; I will investigate and correct them

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

School Years: Together & Apart

- March Year 19 through 10 April Year 22 -

2 March Year 19 Notes 1 (SJ)

Ten days after returning from the U.S., SeokJin and his father visit the principal’s office at his new school. SeokJin learns that he will start one grade lower due to the different education systems. SeokJin’s father grips his shoulder while the principal explains that school is a “dangerous place” that needs to be “tightly controlled.” He asks: “You know you have to keep me informed, right? You’ll be a good student, right?” SeokJin squeezes out a “yes” and his father lets go. Both ChangJun and the principal laugh. SeokJin looks down at their shining shoes, wondering from where the light is coming.

Note: SeokJin’s 25 June Year 19 entry in Notes 1 specifies that his father attended the same high school. JiMin’s 23 July Year 22 entry in Notes 2 reveals that, according to a comment he finds on an online news article, ChangJun and the principal were in school at the same time and fought with each other “as if it would only end when one of them dropped dead,” but they appeared to get along later due to politics.

3 March Year 19 BTS Universe Story: The Boy on the Threshold, ep.1

On the first day of school at Songju Jeil High School, the Dean of Students berates the six latecomers lined up outside: SeokJin, NamJoon, HoSeok, JiMin, TaeHyung, and JungKook. YoonGi arrives even later. The Dean assigns them one month of community service as punishment. When he notices SeokJin, he clears his throat and says he is letting them off because it’s the first day: they must all assemble after classes to clean the annex, a classroom turned into a storage room. This room becomes their meeting place and hideout even after their punishment is finished.

Note: Their punishment for being late is referenced in JiMin’s 12 March Year 19 entry in Notes 1, when he escapes to the old classroom again and finds the others already there. He observes that it feels as though they’ve been “hanging out together forever.” The punishment scene is also similar to a moment in the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR. Although it includes a few extra students and cannot be confirmed as BU content, it does mirror the canonical detail of YoonGi arriving last.

28 May Year 19 Notes: Answer

In the classroom hideout, JungKook asks everyone what their dreams are because he has to write a paper about future hopes. SeokJin wants to become a good person, and YoonGi says it’s okay to have no dream. TaeHyung poses on a chair and says he’s going to be a superhero. HoSeok scolds him and adds that he wants to find his mom and live happily. JiMin asks him if he is unhappy now, and HoSeok pulls an exaggeratedly worried expression. “Is that how it works?” JiMin is flustered when HoSeok asks what his dream is and remembers that when he was in preschool he wanted to be president, but didn’t know what he wanted after that. Everyone looks at NamJoon, who shrugs and confesses that while he wants to say something nice, he doesn’t have a dream either and just wishes that his part-time job pays more. JungKook looks down at his assignment, divided into sections for “student” and “parent,” and wonders what he hopes to become. He can’t think of anything to write.

12 June Year 19 — The Sea Notes 1

YoonGi’s entry:

All seven boys cut school and decide to go to the sea. They have little money between them, so they must walk to the train station. As they leave, YoonGi almost bumps into JiMin and realizes that he is standing frozen with a trembling face. JiMin stares at a sign that reads “2.1km to Grass Flower Arboretum.” YoonGi flatly tells him that it’s too hot to go to the arboretum. He has an “instinctive feeling” that they should avoid it. He observes that JiMin walks away like a little kid, head bent and shoulders hunched.

JungKook’s entry:

The boys arrive at the beach. They hang around under a torn parasol until HoSeok holds up a discovery on his phone: a large rock that is supposed to grant your dream if you stand atop it and shout your dream out to the sea. TaeHyung encourages them to go. While they grumble in the heat on the long trek, JungKook reflects on how he had recently asked the others what their dreams were. (See 28 May Year 19.) None of them really have a dream to pursue.

YoonGi tells JungKook to stop biting his nails or else they’ll become like his. Then he asks JungKook what his dream is. Having never thought about it, JungKook doesn’t know. He hesitates and then asks what a dream is. HoSeok rattles off a few definitions from his phone. YoonGi questions, “How can something that you want to achieve most in your life and something that is unlikely to come true both be called a dream? … Don’t ever try to have a dream.” JungKook asks why. At his glance, YoonGi stops biting his nails and puts his hands in his pockets. “Because it’s tough having one.” JungKook is curious about why YoonGi bites his nails but doesn’t ask. He recalls that it has been a habit since his childhood to hurt himself. He remembers cutting his finger on a knife badly enough that his mom took him to the hospital, but she didn’t take care of him after they went home. His wound healed slowly because he kept pressing it; the pain helped him feel awake. Even now, he sometimes feels hollow.

TaeHyung asks how much longer they have to walk. HoSeok is puzzled, saying they should be close. They gaze around the empty, pebbled beach. JiMin sighs and reads aloud from an article on his phone. A resort will be built on this beach, and the construction company blew up the rock. They notice the cordoned off construction zone. They try to reassure each other to remain positive, but they all feel the disappointment of walking all that way for nothing. JungKook notices YoonGi biting his nails again and tries to stop him, but he is interrupted by a loud drilling noise. JungKook looks past him at the sea and all that remains of the dream-granting rock, the pebbles under their feet. “Is the world tough for you, too?” he asks, but YoonGi can’t hear him. JungKook screams again. “Do you want to give up on this world, too?” HoSeok and TaeHyung laugh at their mimed conversation. They all look out to the sea and shout their dreams. The drilling is so loud that they can’t hear each other. JungKook cannot even hear his own dream. When the noise stops, they cut off abruptly and laugh. SeokJin suggests that they take a photo. He sets the timer and runs to join their row, the sea behind them. They walk back to the train station. JungKook asks if he can keep the photo. SeokJin writes “June 12” on the back and gives it to him, telling him that his dream will come true. JungKook asks if SeokJin knows what he shouted to the sea, and SeokJin merely taps his shoulder and strides ahead.

BTS Universe Story : The Boy on the Threshold, ep.3

JungKook’s memory of the beach trip follows a similar structure to the scene in Notes 1, plus a notable addition. After they fail to find the dream-granting boulder, JungKook climbs up on the pier railing. He thinks: “I’ve always liked walking on the edge of walls or on top of lines. Focusing on centering my gravity means that I don’t really think of anything else, and the boundary—not quite a part of either place—always felt like where I should be.” Someone grabs his arm while he precariously balances. YoonGi tells him not to do that, and JungKook assures him that he won’t fall.

“YoonGi would often grab my arm when I walked on railings. The others would look after me, too, after seeing him do that. I liked their helping hands. It felt like they were telling me that I should go to them. That this wasn’t my place. Maybe their hands were why I walked on the railings.”

25 June Year 19 Notes 1 (SJ)

Alone in the classroom hideout, SeokJin finds a plant by the window. He takes pictures with his phone but doesn’t think they capture what the human eye sees. He notices that “HoSeok’s plant” is scribbled on the floor beneath the pot and then realizes that the window sills, walls, and ceiling are covered with graffiti and drawings, messages left behind by the students who once passed through that room. He wonders if there were past teachers who used violence and endless tests or students like him who ratted out their friends to the principal. Since his father also attended that high school, SeokJin looks for his name on the walls and finds it with a phrase written underneath: “Everything started from here.”

Note: TaeHyung, JiMin, NamJoon, and YoonGi discover several other familiar names near Kim ChangJun (SeokJin’s father) on the classroom wall in TaeHyung’s 23 July Year 22 entry from 7’s album Notes and the extended version in Notes 2.

30 August Year 19 Notes: Her

JiMin plays in HoSeok’s shadow while he is on the phone, reflecting on how HoSeok has accompanied him on the two-hour walk home since the beginning of the school semester. JiMin eventually realized that HoSeok didn’t live in the same direction but never questioned him, simply hoping that their time walking together would stretch the day out a little longer. HoSeok finishes on the phone and chases after him while the cicadas sing and their ice creams melt. Suddenly, JiMin is afraid, wondering how many of these days are left.

20 March Year 20 Notes 1 (TH)

TaeHyung sneaks up on NamJoon in the hallway by their classroom hideout. He stops when he hears SeokJin’s voice inside, apparently informing the principal about how TaeHyung and YoonGi had ditched school and got in a fight over the past few days. SeokJin throws open the door, phone in hand, and looks flustered to see NamJoon standing there. TaeHyung hides in a corner and is shocked to hear NamJoon assure him, “It’s OK. There must’ve been a good reason.” HoSeok and JiMin find TaeHyung in the hallway, and HoSeok pulls him into the classroom. NamJoon beams at TaeHyung as though nothing strange has happened. Believing that NamJoon “must have his reasons” because he is more intelligent and mature, TaeHyung decides not to tell anyone about the conversation he overheard.

15 May Year 20 Notes 1 (NJ)

NamJoon visits the classroom hideout on his last day of school. Two weeks prior, his family decided that they needed to move due to complications with his father’s health and their overdue rent. NamJoon tries to write a message on a piece of paper. He scribbles “I must survive” before the pencil lead snaps. He crumples the paper and writes in the dust on the window instead.

“No farewell message would be enough to let the others know how I felt. At the same time, no farewell message was needed to make myself understood. ‘See you again.’ It was a wish, rather than a promise.”

Note: “I must survive” is a recurring message tied to NamJoon in the BU MVs. See also 17 December Year 21.

7 June Year 20 Notes: Persona

TaeHyung’s two month old puppy Dubu slips out of the leash and disappears while he is distracted on his phone. TaeHyung runs around the neighborhood looking for him, first angry at the puppy and then blaming himself. When Dubu returns on his own, TaeHyung is filled with the unfamiliar feeling that he is someone who can be relied on.

11 June Year 20 BTS Universe Story: The Boy on the Threshold, ep.5 Everyone’s Place

In the classroom hideout, JungKook listens to YoonGi playing the piano. The sound of the music makes him feel as if YoonGi understands how he feels and is trying to console him. The Dean of Students forces the door open, demanding why they are there. He berates and slaps JungKook, knocking him to the floor. YoonGi steps between them and shoves the teacher’s shoulder. The dean warns him that he had better be prepared for the consequences of putting his hands on a teacher and then leaves. Despite his throbbing cheek, JungKook smiles because it is the first time someone has protected him, and the feeling of getting closer to YoonGi makes him giddy. For the next two weeks, YoonGi does not come to school.

25 June Year 20 Notes 1

JungKook’s entry:

JungKook tries to play the piano in the classroom hideout, unable to make it sound like YoonGi did. He reflects on the rumor that YoonGi was expelled after the events of 11 June and wonders if YoonGi would still be here playing the piano if JungKook had not been there that day when the teacher appeared.

YoonGi’s entry:

Breathing hard, YoonGi arrives at his bedroom, removes a half-burned piano key from an envelope in his desk drawer, and throws it into the trash can. He remembers a day four years ago when he returned to their burned down home and found a skeleton of the piano where his mother’s room used to stand. He noticed several piano keys on the ground and took one of them, wondering what note it was and how many times her fingers touched it. In the present, YoonGi thinks how unbearable living under his father’s rule is and recalls what happened that day: he is officially expelled from school. He picks up the piano key again and hurls it out the window.

“I couldn’t hear the piano key hit the ground. Now I’d never know what note it made. It’d never make a sound again. I’d never play the piano again.”

17 July Year 20 Notes 1 (SJ)

At the end of the last school day before summer vacation, SeokJin tries to leave quickly but is hailed by HoSeok and JiMin. No one knows that he was pressured by the principal and revealed their hideout, which led to JungKook and YoonGi being discovered (11 June) and the latter’s expulsion (25 June). HoSeok wishes SeokJin a good vacation and to keep in touch, but he can’t reply.

“My first day at this school crossed my mind as I passed through the school gate. We were all late and got punished. But we were together, so we could laugh together. I had ruined all those memories we shared.”

Note: Variations of the sentiment “we can laugh when we’re together” recur throughout BU.

15 September Year 20 Notes 1 (HS)

In the hospital emergency room, HoSeok wants to explain how JiMin had a seizure at the bus stop to his mother, Sim SeonMi. When the doctors wheel JiMin’s bed out, HoSeok begins to follow until SeonMi thanks him and touches his shoulder. He feels like she has drawn a line between them that he cannot cross. He falls to the floor, and when he looks up, JiMin’s bed is gone.

Note: The name of JiMin’s mother is specified in his BTS Universe Story arc, Stopped Time. JiMin’s 11 May Year 22 entry in Notes 1 reflects that he blacked out at the bus stop after seeing the window of the Grass Flower Arboretum shuttle bus open. His 12 August Year 22 entry in Notes 2 reveals the real cause of JiMin’s seizure at the bus stop: he sees the boy that he left behind at the arboretum warehouse on 6 April Year 11. Though the boy’s empty eyes no longer speak to JiMin, this chance encounter awakens his memories of that day.

28 September Year 20 Notes: Her and Smeraldo Books Twitter

JiMin, heavily medicated, has lost track of how long he has been back in the hospital. But he considers this a special day because he lies to the doctor for the first time about not remembering anything.

Note: He is lying about not remembering what triggered his seizure at the bus stop on 15 September and/or what happened at the Grass Flower Arboretum when he was a kid (see Notes 2 comments above). This lie is also referenced in his 11 May Year 22 entry in Notes 1.

30 September Year 20 Notes 1 (JK)

A teacher hits JungKook with an attendance book when he refuses to admit that he still visits the classroom hideout, reminding him of when YoonGi was beaten. Later, JungKook stands outside the room and imagines that the others are waiting for him on the other side. He opens the door to only find HoSeok, clearing out what remains of their belongings. HoSeok walks him out, and JungKook realizes that those days are gone and will never come again.

25 February Year 21 Notes: Her (HS)

HoSeok watches himself dance in the mirror. He has danced since he was around twelve and discovered an ecstasy that came from inside himself. Outside of the mirror, HoSeok is a person who collapses everywhere and takes medicine he doesn’t need, who smiles even when he hates it and isn’t happy. But when he dances, he truly becomes himself, casting away all that weighs him down and feeling that he can become happy.

2 May Year 21 Notes: Persona (JK)

Biking along the Yangjicheon riverbank, JungKook thinks about how his friends left him one by one and that no one at home or in the world smiles at him anymore. He stops in the shadows under a bridge. Nobody comes to this kind of ruined place, and maybe that is the reason no one comes to him either. He feels most comfortable alone in the complete darkness where no one will look for him and wants the moment to never end.

9 August Year 21 Notes: Persona (SJ)

SeokJin walks along a Los Angeles beach and photographs the ocean. It has been a year since he fled Songju and moved to his mother’s family’s home, where he grew up as a child. He doesn’t photograph people anymore and didn’t bring any photos from high school with him, afraid to remember who he was at that time or to wonder about how his friends are doing and whether they still think of him.

17 December Year 21 Notes 1 (NJ)

This lengthy entry details events that transpired since the autumn of Year 20 when NamJoon’s family moved to the village, framed by moments on 17 December itself as NamJoon leaves on his own. His family chooses this village because it has a nearby hospital for his ailing father and employers who will hire someone without a high school diploma. NamJoon serves as a delivery boy for an eatery, competing for work with the other local boys. They grow a strange sense of solidarity, and he privately dubs one of them “TaeHyung,” even though the boy’s discontent, outward behavior is more akin to YoonGi’s. (Quotation marks added to the name here for clarity.) Competition slackens when snow falls in winter. NamJoon and “TaeHyung” are the only ones poor enough to risk the road up to the mountain town’s rest area when orders are phoned to the village below. On an afternoon forecast to have heavy snowfall, the restaurant owner dismisses “TaeHyung” due to his bruised face and gives the deliveries to NamJoon. The old delivery scooter fishtails on NamJoon’s third trip down the mountain, throwing him off. More anxious about the scratched scooter than his cut ankle and aching body, NamJoon finally gets it to restart and returns to the eatery. “TaeHyung,” who has been hanging around this whole time, approaches and asks for a favor. Before he can answer, NamJoon receives a call from his mother relaying that his father went outside alone and fell, requiring a trip to the hospital. NamJoon understands that his father was only trying to keep his dignity but is still frustrated because he can’t earn any more much-needed money this day. He hands “TaeHyung” the keys and leaves to take his father to the hospital.

The next day, NamJoon learns that “TaeHyung” was in a fatal accident during one of the deliveries up the mountain. The police officer blames him for being a poor driver and not wearing a helmet. NamJoon does not speak up that he has never seen the helmet the owner now has placed out on the counter. He visits the scene of the accident, thinking that the white outline on the road could be his if he was the one to make the next delivery—just as it could be his family mourning in the village instead of “TaeHyung’s” mother. On a later trip carrying his father home from the bus stop, NamJoon pretends not to hear his father’s frail voice over the noise of barking dogs. A week after that, NamJoon is making steady deliveries up the mountain. During what is ultimately his last delivery, he speaks with a stranger at the rest area, who cautions him to take care. “Do you know what’s really dangerous? Calcium chloride and wet leaves, not the snow itself,” the stranger blurts as NamJoon departs. NamJoon drives carefully back, not looking at the scene of the accident. This is not out of safety, as he tries to convince himself, but guilt: guilt for surviving, for his relief of being the one alive, for not defending “TaeHyung’s” driving skills. He also wonders if he is “a hypocrite pretending to have a guilty conscience.” Because he scattered wet leaves and sprinkled calcium chloride to prevent the road from icing over where he fell that afternoon, believing that he would be making the next delivery. If he did not do both those things, would “TaeHyung” be alive?

Mind and body numb, NamJoon makes it home from the delivery detached from the world around him. The barking dogs snap him out of the daze, and he remembers his father’s words that he pretended not to hear and dwelled on daily despite trying not to think about them: “Go, NamJoon. You must survive.” The next morning (17 December), NamJoon sneaks away to the bus stop. He is running away from his family’s misfortunes, from his own resignation to his fate, from poverty. The bus is scheduled to arrive in Songju in a few hours—the city he left with no notice and is returning to once more with the same. NamJoon wonders if his old friends still live there and how they are doing. On the frosted window, he writes with his finger: “I must survive.”

Note: The village boy’s real name is JongHun according to NamJoon’s 12 June Year 22 entry in Notes 2, which also reveals that he visited JongHun’s home to give his condolences before he left town.

1 February Year 22 Notes: 7 (SJ)

Summoned by his father without explanation, SeokJin flies back to Korea from Los Angeles. Although he has addresses in both LA and Songju, neither place feels like his home.

———————————————————

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Posted May 5, 2021

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simpsiren · 4 years ago

Text

jaehyun x reader

description. A relationship with Jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. There wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

genre. ANGST, college!au, enemies(?) to lovers, dancer!reader x barista!jaehyun

word count. 7k~

warnings. toxic relationship, im so sorry i had to make jaehyun a bad boy here BUT IT HAS A GOOD ENDING I SWEAR

a/n. hihiii so this fic is basically based on using lyrics of a song to form a story and for mine ill be using boyfriend by ariana grande so hope youll enjoyy! please check out the other stories by the other authors here too!!

“I don't wanna be too much

But I don't wanna miss your touch

And you don't seem to give a fuck”

It’s been weeks. Weeks since I’ve talked to Jaehyun. Weeks since I’ve made any form of interaction with him. Weeks since I had his body close to mine.

He’s been ignoring me and yet I still can never guess why. I saw him walking out of his Psychology class today. I put my foot down, determined to settle on the decision that I just have to force it out of him instead of floating around mindlessly trying to dissect and figure out his weird attitude.

He walked down the hallway, bag lazily hung on one shoulder. He wore his black hoodie and grey sweatpants. His messy and unkept hair bouncing in the air with each step he took. It meant that he’s had a bad morning. I knew him long enough to know that if he doesn’t put effort into looking good then it meant that he wasn’t having any of it. I did think twice before approaching him. But he has left me in the dust for too long for me to handle.

“Jaehyun.” I said with a firm voice, running up to him and grabbing his arm tightly. He stopped in his tracks, his head turning slowly as his eyes trailed from my grip and to me. “What?” Jaehyun asked, sounding annoyed with his brows furrowed and narrowed eyes.

“What? That’s all you have to say?” I jerked my head forward, copying his same expression except that mine was intensified with how arrogant is What sounded. “Three fucking weeks. And that’s all you have to say?”

Jaehyun shook his arm to get off of my grip. Due to the force of his strength, I stumbled back slightly. He folded his arms, hands hugging his waist as he glanced down with a sigh and looked at me. “What do you want me to say?”

I scoffed loudly, running a hand filled with frustration through my hair. I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder before standing firm and upright in my spot.

“An explanation on why the fuck you’re ignoring me would be nice, you know.” Jaehyun smacked his lips, almost in an awkward manner. But he kept silent for at least ten seconds, just staring down at me.

“I have nothing to explain.” Jaehyun finally let out dryly. But in a way it sounded like he was mad. My pupils flared. Rage was starting to build up in me while he kept up his nonchalant attitude. Jaehyun shoved his hands in his sweatpants and walked off. I would have stopped him, but I chose not to.

I didn’t want to annoy too much if I asked him again. All I wanted was to know why he kept ignoring me all this time. But it seemed like he didn’t care. Like he was able to erase me cleanly out of his life, ignoring me completely. He avoided my glances in class, he acted as if he didn’t hear anything when I called out to him and he’d walk past me casually as if nothing between us happened.

I stood there, staring at his back as his figure started to get smaller and further till he turned a corner and disappeared. I balled a fist in my hand, squeezing it so tight that my fingernails made an impression on my skin and having red marks on my palm.

To be honest, as much as I was mad at him, I missed him a whole lot more. I missed having his arms around me, I missed his whispers, I missed my fingers running through his soft locks. I missed his touch. I didn’t know I could be this touch-deprived till he ignored me. I walked back to my dorm, specifically Mark’s so that I could let off some steam.

“Wait like actually?” Mark shouted from the kitchen while he took out the large tub of strawberry ice cream and watermelon slices from the fridge.

I screamed into the pillow more, digging my face into it till I finally lifted my head up and took in a deep breath, turning my head sharply to Mark. “Yeah. Can you believe it?!” I shouted back, watching Mark bringing the desserts and taking a seat next to me. I shoved the pillow beside me and slumped into the couch with folded arms.

“I never thought he’d do something like that. He’s always been kind to me. And everyone.” Mark commented, picking up and watermelon slice and munching on it with a dreamy sigh. I huffed, grabbing the ice cream angrily and picking up the spoon, shoving it in forcefully to take a spoonful and eating it. “Not to me apparently.” I said with rolled eyes.

“We were completely fine before. I don’t know what happened and that’s what’s driving me insane!” I groaned out. After forcing Mark to get me ice cream, I thought my anger would subside at least a tiny bit. But having Jaehyun running circles in my mind has done it for me. Isn’t mind Jaehyun suppose to be the tired one here?

“Ah wait!” I alerted Mark, gaping my mouth open as I quickly turned my head to him. Mark does the same with raised brows. “Huh what? You know why he’s ignoring you?” Mark tilted his head and leaned in with curiosity.

I shook my head furiously, making Mark backed his head till his double chin showed. “Then what?”

“The dance assignment! Shit I forgot! Did you start?” I dropped the tub in my lap amd slapped Mark’s thigh vigorously, starting to get panicky as I remembered the assignment I’m suppose to pass up in a month’s time. Mark gave a half-shrug. “I’m doing solo for this one. Have you not started?”

“No! Urgh I can’t do solos. Is there anyone that wants a duet?” Mark puckered his lips, tilting his head up as he thought about it for a moment. “How about Taeyong?” He suggested. I looked at him with disbelief.

“Um hello? It’s Lee Taeyong. I’m pretty sure he’s doing solo. Even if he were to do a duet, all the girls would be fighting for the spot next to him.” I reached forward to pick up a watermelon slice and shoving it in my mouth despite the fact that I still had a little ice cream in my mouth.

“You never know. Just ask him next practice.” I let out a quiet ‘tsk’ I stared down at the table while I slowly chewed and swallowed all the food in my mouth. At least now I had something to do that can hopefully get my mind off Jaehyun.

“And I might not be the one for you

But you ain't about to have no boo.”

During dance theory in the lecture hall, I kept my eyes on Taeyong, who was sitting in the center a few rows lower than me. I rested my chin on the palm of my hand, head facing him and I pondered about how I can master up the courage to talk to him.

He’s the best dancer among all dance majors. From techniques to theory, he’s gotten perfect scores every time. It felt somewhat wrong for me to talk to someone of a high status like that. And of course his talent and visuals has had girls swooning over him for years.

I snapped back to reality when I reallse everyone started to pack and stand up from their seat. I blinked my eyes rapidly as I looked around before turning back to Taeyong, heaving a sigh as I notice him still standing there. I quickly packed up my things, slinging my tote bag on and rushing down the flight of stairs to where Taeyong was.

I was now standing in front of him, his bright red hair standing out while he kept his eyes on his things while packing up. “Taeyong?” I called out softly, bending forward. He finally lifted his head up. “Hi?” He asked, questionably.

“Um I was wondering what you’re planning to do for the assignment.” Taeyong glanced sideways before meeting my eyes. As I stared at him, I really now could see why all girls fall in love with him. I’ve never seem to notice since I’ve always been caught up with Jaehyun.

“Actually I’m-”

“It’s fine if you have another person to do duet with you. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of options and that’s totally fine I understand-”

“I didn’t even finish my sentence.” Taeyong cut me off with a light chuckle, a small smile forming on his face. He was so attractive. “Oh right sorry.” I blurted out, turning my head to the side and rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

“I was saying that I haven’t thought about what I wanted to do yet.” Taeyong stood up, holding his bag in his fingers with the handle. He was so close to me and I got extremely terrified with his height. Though the gap difference wasn’t much. I guess I’m just intimidated by his presence. “Mark recommended that we should team up.” I finally let out, forcing myself to not beat around the bush anymore to get this done and over with.

Taeyong’s smile got a whole lot brighter and bigger till his eyes form a thin line. “Sure! Been doing solos too much and you’re quite good.” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. Firstly, he said yes. Secondly, he noticed me dance before? I mean of course we saw everyone dancing but I never imagined Taeyong to actually look at me dances.

“Wait really?! Oh my God thank you! Um so do you have any classes after this?” I bounced on the ball of my feet excitedly, a smile unconsciously forming on my lips. Taeyong shook his head. “You want to start today?” I nodded my head eagerly.

“Alright. Let’s head to the dance studio. We only have one month left.”

Due to the limited time we had, it forced Taeyong and I to have dance practices almost everyday, particularly every night. We’d either use the dance studio and his own one out of campus that wasn’t far away. I started to bond with Taeyong more and more, realising how sweet and soft he was despite looking so intimidating at first. I liked the time I spent with Taeyong. He was able to make it fun for us even though we’d be laying on the floor dying by the end.

One practice, Taeyong and I just finished cleaning up our choreography that Taeyong was expertly able to come up by the third practice. It became normal for us to just lay down, arms and legs spread out on the floor as we stared up at the ceiling and let out loud and heavy breathing be heard.

That is, until my phone rang.

“You should get that.” Taeyong rolled over, his stomach on the floor while he kept his upper body up with the support of his elbows and forearm on the floor. I sighed, frowning. “I can’t be bothered to move.” The phone’s been ringing for minutes now.

Taeyong chuckled and stood up after taking in a deep breath, reaching his hand out to my bag and sliding me my phone. “Thanks.” I muttered as Taeyong sat down beside our bags to grab his drink.

I looked at the caller, instantly sitting up straight when I reallsed it’s Jaehyun. My sudden actions caused Taeyong to let out a, “Who’s calling?” I assumed he examined my shocked expression after asking that as I kept my eyes on the phone, Jaehyun’s name bolden on my screen.

I then remembered the fact that I blocked his contact a few months back and it had a time limit on it. And I guess the limit ended today.

“I’m picking up the call. And if I start screaming, you might want to run. Cause’ I’m about to get a lil bit psychotic.” Despite my warning, Taeyong let out a humorous laugh, nodding his head in response. “Alright, alright.” He said, waving his hand out lazily as a way to say, “Now go pick up the call.”

One click of a button and I brought my phone up to my ear, hearing Jaehyun’s heavy breathing. “Where the fuck are you?” His voice was low and deep, one filled with anger, but not the shouting kind. “I’m at a dance studio...?”

“Yeah and with who?” Jaehyun growled. I turned my head to the mirror, seeing Taeyong looking at my back. “With Taeyong. So what?” I questioned him, wanting to sound nonchalant.

Jaehyun scoffed in amusement. “At two in the morning?! You serious right now?!” His voice raised with each word, he was now screaming and I began to get scared. “How’s this your problem?! I’m practicing for my assignment with Taeyong. What the hell did you think I was doing!” I couldn’t help but shout back, wanting to fight and top his level of rage and anger. I had the right to be mad since he ignored me for so long. But for him to suddenly care about what I do and who I’m with? That wasn’t going to cut it for me.

“I don’t give a damn. I’m picking you up right now. Tell me your location.”

“No! We’re not done practicing!” I lied, groaning as I leaned forward and placed a hand on my forehead to cover my eyes.

“Practice another day-”

I didn’t notice Taeyong creeping up behind me, flinching when I felt his hand on my wrist, pulling my phone away from my ear. He snatched it out of my grip and held the phone to his ear. “You heard her. We’re still practicing. I don’t why you’re so worked up. But you can speak with her tomorrow. Have a good night now.” Taeyong sounded extremely professional, proceeding to end the call and handing my phone back.

“You didn’t have to...” Taeyong sat down beside me and sighed, the two of us now facing the mirror as we stared at ourselves. “I didn’t want you to go psychotic.” He joked, making me laugh slightly, though it hurt my core due to the physical training we did before actually practicing.

“Is that your boyfriend or something?” He sounded curious. I kept silent, looking up as I try to phrase who Jaehyun was to me. But I ended up with no answer. “I don’t know. We’re just... complicated.” I whispered. “Let’s not talk about Jaehyun. I’m getting sick of it.”

Absentmindedly, or perhaps not, I laid my head slowly onto Taeyong’s shoulder. He didn’t move and instead stayed there as comfortable silence filled the air, not giving a thought about our sweaty bodies touching each other.

Biology lecture ended. I was walking out of the hall when I thought of texting Taeyong to see if I could meet him for a short practice. I didn’t know why, I just wanted to see him and do anything with him, it didn’t have to be practicing.

Before I could even type a single letter, my wrist was suddenly being pulled back from behind, making me fall back a few steps till the grip guided me to stand. I looked up, seeing Jaehyun standing in front of me. Immediately, my eyes looked back at him filled with arrogance. “Why were you with Taeyong yesterday?” Jaehyun asked. Suddenly, his eyes grew soft and sweet. Which made me very surprised. It’s been long since I’ve seen the sweet side of Jaehyun before he ignored me. It made me feel something in my stomach indeed.

“I told you I had practice. I’m doing a duet with him for my assignment.” I said with a quiet sigh. Jaehyun ran a hand down his face, biting his lower lip as he looked away for a moment. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry... for getting worked up. I shouldn’t have since it’s for school.”

I clicked my tongue in amusement, smugly folding my arms and placing my weight on one leg. “An apology but no explanation? You’re an odd one Jaehyun...”

“We need to have a proper chat.” I tilted my head slightly at his weird words. Confused, but also nervous as to what he wanted to talk about.

We ended up going to his dorm. His roommate was out. We sat down on the couch together, his body leaning forward to reveal his back while I leaned back into the couch. There was a gap between us, which made me feel weird. The space in between was just... just there. And the fact that we used to cuddle on this couch made this more awkward.

“So?” I asked, my curiosity already killing me. Jaehyun let out a frustrated sigh. “I think we should just cut whatever we have completely.”

“What...?” I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t sure what to feel either. I could tell he was breaking down silently. I didn’t even need to look twice to confirm that. But I was breaking at his words as well, looking down to my lap amd biting my bottom lip. “Why?”

“I don’t know what we are,_____. Are we friends? Cause’ from the way we treat each other we’re definitely not. We aren’t in a relationship together either. We aren’t friends with benefits. We’re going back and forth and I’m sure you’re as tired about this as I am.”

As much as I wanted to deny, I couldn’t. Our relationship and what we were to each other was certainly not definite. It always confused me and put me in a tough spot. The way we treated one another was as if we’re in love. Maybe we were, or maybe we weren’t. Questions about us had always kept me up all night. And I guess it is right that we just cut it off completely.

“You’re right. I don’t see why we should be together. Or not. I don’t fucking know.” I stood up, making my way to the door. I had my hand on the doorknob. At that moment, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted everything to go back to normal. To when I would be in Jaehyun’s lap as we talked for hours, his turn table playing old school songs that I’ve never heard of but grew to like. To when we would go out together and do whatever we wanted till late at night. Basically back to when any of this confusion even happened.

“You still haven’t told me why you completely shut me out for three months straight though. It hurt me. You owe me an explanation soon. Goodbye, Jung Jaehyun.”

“I wanna kiss you, don't wanna miss you

But I can't be with you 'cause I got issues.”

Jaehyun could only seat there in silence, not sure of what to do now. His mind went blank the moment the door closed. He felt his phone vibrating in his back pocket. He leaned forward to take it out, proceeding to pick up the phone without even looking at the caller.

“Hey.” Jaehyun said plainly. He heard a few shuffling before someone comes up to the phone, their breathing could be heard. “Jae. I need to see you. Now. It’s urgent.” He recognised the familiar voice immediately.

“Soo? Why are you calling me?” Out of all the people that could’ve called him, she was the one that Jaehyun would least expect a call from. Let alone one that he wanted to hear from either. “A matter we can’t discuss on the phone. You know where to meet. In ten minutes.” The call quickly ended.

Jaehyun raised a brow at this. Many questions and possibilities popped up in his head. He quickly dashed out the dorm after grabbing his necessities, wanting to get this done and over with.

He waited by the park. A place that he and soo have had many memories. Ones that he wish to forget. But upon his visit to the park, of course they all had to come crashing back in his mind.

Soo came and motioned him to sit down on the bench that faced the lake. The dark sky being reflected on the lake’s surface as the cold breeze of the night touched their skin. “It’s about us.”

“There’s nothing between us.” Jaehyun was quick to reply, wishing he could just get out of this situation and think over about his other problems. Particularly the one about his complicated love life with a partner that he wasn’t even sure was his partner in the first place.

“Our parents are suspicious of us, Jae. You say that us not meeting anyone would solve it but if they don’t see us together-”

“It’s been three months do you think I wouldn’t realise it?” Jaehyun leaned forward and covered his face with both his hands, exhaling before lifting his head up back and looking at the scenery, hoping it’ll put him at ease even the slightest bit.

“You don’t want this. I don’t want this either. I have my own problems you know. I have someone I love.” Soo nodded her head, humming agreeably. “You’re right. We both don’t want this. But our parents do.”

Jaehyun groaned in annoyance, turning his head back to look at her. Soo blinked her eyes rapidly. She’s never seen him this mad before. “I know that way too damn well.” Jaehyun slapped his thighs and stood up, shoving his hands in his pocket and turning around swiftly to Soo.

“I don’t care what you do. You have a higher status than me and therefore you have a higher chance and authority for our parents to listen to you. Tell them I’m sorry but I really don’t want to be tied down to someone I don’t love.”

With that, Jaehyun stomped off, making his way back to the dorm. He immediately plopped himself onto his bed, sighing and he stared up the window. The couldn’t stop thinking about his lover. The fact that he couldn’t explain to her made his heart breal in every way possible.

He jusy wanted to be with her. But it was now his fault that she hates him now. And he’s not sure of what to do. The fact that he had to call off whatever they had couldn’t be anymore painful.

He wanted her with him right now. To have her presence right next to him. His arm wrapped around her as a way to protect her small figure from the world though he knew well enough that she was capable on her own. He wanted to plant light and sweet kisses filled with love all over her face. He wanted her touch of love that could send electric shocks throughout his body. He just missed her so.

“Even though you ain't mine, I promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love

'Cause baby, when push comes to shove.”

It’s been a few days since Jaehyun and I called it quits. And honestly, I was falling apart. I missed him a lot. It felt weird not having him around. It felt like back when he ignored me for three months. Except now the anger has disappeared, and all I craved for was his presence.

“The performance and assessment’s tomorrow. You ready?” Taeyong asked, breathing heavily as he walked to the speaker to stop the music. I squatted down on the floor, hugging my knees to catch my breath before gulping and nodding my head. “I’m surprised we managed to do this in a month despite our professor giving us four.” Taeyong nodded back agreeably.

“Let’s just hope we do well tomorrow then.” Taeyong walked back to me with his hands shoved in his pockets. I eyed him up and down taking the time to admire his outfit, which was simply just a tucked out loose white button under a muted blue waistcoat and black jeans and pointed shoes. The blue waistcoat was just to match his light blue hair that he dyed recently that suited him very well.

“Your outfit is simple, yet so pleasing.” I mumbled, my finger placed under my chin. Taeyong chuckled, taking one step closer to me. For some reason it made my heart race, the space between us got smaller and smaller unintentionally. “It’s probably because of my physique and natural features.”

Taeyong bent down to meet my eye level, tilting his head as he gave his cheeky eye smile that I got used to seeing very quickly. I ruffled his hair and laughed loudly. “Of course it is. You’ll definitely outshine me tomorrow.”

Taeyong slipped a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. This was definitely normal since our choreography included him doing this, but it made my face hot this time. “The purpose of a duet is to help each other shine together. I don’t think I’ll ever be outshining you.” Taeyong commented softlt with a gentl smile.

It was finally time for the performance. Everyone at the hall was seated, murmurs and chatters can be heard all over. Backstage, everyone was rushing to get ready. But I couldn’t help but peek at our professors and dance instructors that were about to grade us from behind the curtains.

“Nervous?” I heard Taeyong’s voice from behind me as he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I glanced back before taking in a deep breath. “We’re the fifth to go. Calm your nerves.” This time, he placed his other than on my other shoulder, proceeding to rub his hands up and down slowy and soothingly, which instantly calm me down. “I’m trying.” I whispered.

The two of us waited anxiously backstage as we counted the number of performers going up on stage. Now’s already the forth and we’re up next. Our names got called. Before we headed up on stage, Taeyong held my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine for a short moment before flashing me a smile and letting go, proceeding to walk forward as I followed behind.

The music played and we started to perform. The lights on the audience shined brightly and I could see everyone’s faces. Of course to calm myself down I kept my eyes straight ahead. Everything went as how it should. Taeyong and I danced perfectly in sync as if we were made to dance together. Taeyong had to lift me up for a few counts, holding me by the waist. And one glance to the audience and I instantly saw Jaehyun sitting somewhere in the middle, his eyes looking right at me. I was shocked but I had to continue.

We ended the performance with a deep bow. I smiled widely at the audience, but I avoided Jaehyun’s eyes completely. Taeyong and I walked off stage. “That’s was amazing! You did so well!” Taeyong shouted as he pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged back and laughed, panting heavily as I tried to catch me breath. “You were great too, Taeyong.”

Taeyong pulled away from me. And as we were about to walk to the changing room, I felt a hold on my wrist. A tight one. I turned around, noticing Jaehyun right in front of me. He looked over at Taeyong before me. He didn’t say a word and dragged me away. I glanced back at Taeyong, his worried eyes making me want to release my grip off Jaehyun but I knew I can never since he was way too strong.

“What the hell do you want?!” I shouted when we finally came to a stop at a secluded and somewhat dark corner. “I can’t see you dance with Taeyong. I got jealous.”

My eyes squinted at his words, completely confused and bewildered. My mouth gaped open as I let out a scoff. “Jealous? Why should you be? We aren’t anything anymore. What’s my relationship with Taeyong have anything to do with you?”

“I don’t like seeing you with him, okay? Didn’t you ever think about how I felt when you’re always staying up late with him for practice? Or did you even think about me at all?” I grew quiet, struggling to even form a sentence of what to say.

“I don’t like seeing you with any guy.”

“You aren’t my boyfriend. You don’t have any say in who I hang out with.”

It was now his turn to keep silent, avoiding my eyes completely as he looked elsewhere. “You aren’t mine. But don’t you think we had something between us at all? It drives me nuts whenever I think of you. I had my reasons for avoiding you, okay?”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Sorry but I can’t handle any of this right now. I’m way too tired. Let’s talk some other time.”

With that, I walked off, trying to find Taeyong who just came out of the changing room with his outfit hung on his arm while he wore back his loose white tee and sweatpants. “You okay? I got worried.” Taeyong immediately rushed over to me and looked me up and down, concerned as to what happened just now.

“Yeah I am. I’ll go back to campus now. I just need some rest.”

Before taking a step, Taeyong stopped me. “Need a ride?” I shook my head.

“Thanks for the offer, but I much rather be on my own for now. I have too much on my mind.”

“I know we be so complicated

Lovin' you sometime drive me crazy

'Cause I can't have what I want and neither can you.”

I ended up staying late at night, staring off into the ceiling while hugging my cat plushie. And all I thought about was Jaehyun. I could never get him off my mind no matter how hard I tried to force myself to sleep. I could be staying up since I didn’t have classes the next day but my body was too physically tired. Yet my mental state seemed to be wide awake.

The next morning, I stayed in my dorm, pacing back and forth in circles as I figure out what to do. Suddenly, the door opened, making me flinch in shock as I realised it was just Mark. “You look stressed. You nervous about the results?”

“My mind is all over the place, Mark. Jaehyun’s driving me crazy and I just-” I grabbed my head with both my hands, letting out a loud groan and I plopped myself on my bed next to Mark.

“Won’t it be easier to just settle things with him?” I gave Mark and unimpressed look. “We did. We promised to not see each other again.” I let out a dreaded sigh. “But he came up to me yesterday and now all I can think about is him.”

Mark swung an arm around me, clearing his throat. “Then just tell him to back off. Now and forever. I can’t see my friend going crazy because of some frat boy.” I chuckled shaking my head. “He’s not a frat boy.”

“Sure acts like one.”

I hummed, giving a moment to think it over. “How can I meet him today though? He’s working.” Mark raised a brow, facepalming. “You know he has a thing called breaks, right?” Mark deadpanned. And just like that, I made my way to the cafe where Jaehyun supposedly worked the afternoon shift.

I walked in, the bell above the door ringing to signal that someone has entered. I didn’t see Jaehyun brewing the coffee. I walked up to the counter, seeing a familiar face and decided to ask him where Jaehyun was.

“Hey, Jeno?” I called out to him gently, watching pouring his ready made coffee into a small cup. He looked up, instantly smiling brightly when he made eye contact. “Hey! Haven’t seen you for so long! Looking for Jaehyun?” I nodded, gladly thankful that he read my mind.

“He went out somewhere for awhile. He’s coming back soon. Want to wait here while I serve you some caremel frappe?” I exhanged his smile with mine, nodding my head eagerly. “You know me well, Lee Jeno.” I tapped my hand on the counter before walking off, taking my usual seat at the far corner of the cafe that’s out of sight from public eyes. I used to sit here when I would wait for Jaehyun’s shift to end before walking back to campus. It felt weird coming back here after avoiding it for so long.

After a few minutes, Jeno brings me my drink. I thanked him as he backed away and I resumed my waiting. I checked the time on my phone. Thirty minutes have passed and he’s still not here. Each time the bell rang, I instantly lift my head up only to find that it wasn’t Jaehyun.

Heaving a sigh, I leaned forward, my shoulder raising up as I continued to stare at the entrance. Finally, I saw Jaehyun through the window, walking to the door. But... he’s with a girl?

The door opened and Jaehyun walked in, the girl close beside him. She was wearing Jaehyun’s hoodie too. The plain black that he often wears. I kept silent, wanting to see where all this was going. Why was I feeling something? I shouldn’t be... right? I have nothing to do with Jaehyun, let alone his love life. Wait why am I even assuming that they’re together?

Jaehyun went up to the counter. He turned around to look at the girl. They were smiling and laughing together, which made the knots in my stomach tighter and my heart began to ache at the sight. As cliche as it sounds, I muttered a, “That should be me.”

The girl took off his hoodie. She was wearing a shirt under it. It seemed like she wanted to give it back but Jaehyun insisted on her keeping it, continuously shoving the hoodie back and forth till she threw it at him, kissed him on the cheek and ran out the cafe laughing. I frowned. I really didn’t like how this was going.

Jeno went up to Jaehyun, motioning to where I was seated. I instantly looked out the window as if I didn’t even see Jaehyun coming in and was minding my business. I heard his heavy footsteps walking up to me, and he sat down, dragging the chair closer to the table. “You didn’t say you’d be here.”

I turned my head and faced forward to Jaehyun, picking up my drink to take a sip, nodding my head. “I didn’t.”

“Who was she?”

I couldn’t help but ask. I was too eager to know. Too eager for something to confirm my suspicions, closure. “A friend.” Jaehyun said after exhaling sharply.

My lips form a thin line, my brows raising for a moment as I gave a “You sure about that?” expression with a hum. Jaehyun stared at me for a moment. I couldn’t read his face. “She’s just like Taeyong. Someone I’m working with for a project.” He said with simple directness.

Anger started to settle in, the tension between us growing tighter and tighter with each moment of silence in the air. “Your project partner comes waltzing in wearing your hoodie and giving you a kiss on the cheek? Some partner there.” I replied with sarcasm, nodding my head over and over.

Jaehyun cocked a brow, the side of his lips turning up slightly as he leaned forward, so close that our faces were a mere inch away from each other. “Now you’re jealous? That’s cute.” He chuckled lowly.

I blinked my eyes rapidly. Is he really going to do this right now? Despite me blushing slightly at him calling me cute. I couldn’t shake the fact that he was probably trying to get back at me and making me feel how be felt when I was with Taeyong.

“Why can’t I? You were jealous when I was with Taeyong too.” I blurted out, not sure if that was the right thing to say.

“You aren’t my girlfriend, and I’m not your boyfriend. But we can’t see each other with anyone else, or touch anyone else. We can’t have who we want either. Make an inference. Connection, hidden meaning.”

“Don’t bring the method to answering History questions into this.” I couldn’t help but laugh softly at his attempt to joke. I knew very well right now wasn’t the time, but I just missed it.

“Stress high when the trust low

Bad vibes, where'd the fun go?

Try to open up and love more.”

“Don’t you miss it?” Jaehyun asked, his face getting soft and gentle. He reached his hand out to mine, holding my finger with a light touch. Our eyes went down in unison, staring as our hands fit perfectly together.

“We’re complicated, indeed. We aren’t sure of who we are. And we don’t even know the reason for that. But doesn’t it all come down to whether we love each other...?” Jaehyun lowered his voice to a whisper, pur noses were now touching as I gulped, closing my eyes for a moment as I inhaled his naturally strong scent that not even his perfume could mask.

“I guess...” I started, breathing heavily. “I guess we’re just scared. I don’t know about you, but I can somewhat admit that I’m scared.”

“It’s been years, Jaehyun. Years since we’ve showed affection for each other yet we never seemed to get anywhere. But I liked it nonetheless. Despite the fact that we were just... stagnant.” I smacked my lips. “Or not perhaps I’d call it going back and forth.”

At that moment, I thought of us. Jaehyun and I. Years ago. When we first started. I met him here, at the cafe. I got addicted to him from first sight and I’d make it a mental note to visit him everyday and demand that only he should make and serve my orders. That’s how we grew close. Not on campus, but out. We kept our relationship like a little secret. But that was only for the fun of it; for excitement and thrill. I liked that about us. Being alone and only having each other. Turning back time was what I always wished I could do.

“I love you, _____. I missed us. When we were just happy. I guess this all started when I ignored you. I’m sorry for that. And you know I mean it.” Jaehyun couldn’t keep his eyes on me. He constantly looked down or avoided my gaze. He bit his lip intensely, as if trying to hold back tears.

“But if you would let me, I’ll explain it over dinner.” Jaehyun gulped, breathing in as his chest puffed up. I wasn’t quite sure of what to make of this. But in the end, my main goal was to settle this, on a good note. Whether I’d be with Jaehyun in the end or not. I just needed closure.

“Sure.”

Jaehyun offered to meet me at a high end restaurant. Somewhere I’ve never been in years since I was just like any regular college student. Poor.

I didn’t know what to wear. And I guess my outfit seemed to lower itself a lot when I stepped into the restaurant. I glazed my eyes over the place, spotting Jaehyun at the far end wearing his usual all black shirt, jeans, and shoes. A combination that never failed to cup his masculine body perfectly.

“You didn’t have to take me to somewhere this expensive.” I said, sitting down. Jaehyun smiled softly in greeting. “It’s only slightly above average.” He commented.

We ordered our food. It was taking quite awhile to come. “Um.. I suppose I should be giving that um explanation to you now.” Jaehyun spoke up, his hands on the table with his fingers interlocking with each other. I nodded my head, pushing the glass of iced water that was served to us earlier on, bringing it in front of me and leaning forward to take a sip.

“My parents want me and Soo, the girl you saw at the cafe to get together. I honestly didn’t even know why. And I never cared either.” Jaehyun lowered his head, fidgeting his fingers. “And just so you know, I never had feelings for Soo. She has someone else. The two of us agreed that we’d still maintain our private lifes and not let it interfere us.”

I bit my lower lip. I could tell he was telling the truth, that he was being sincere. It made my heart soften. But I didn’t want to show it. I didn’t want to seem easy and to just fall for him all over again just from a simple explanation.

“Are you going to do anything to fight back against your parents about it?” I asked, not wanting to say silent throughout.

“I simply told Soo to do something about it since she would have more influence on them than me.” Jaehyun leaned in, again his hand creept up on mine. He held my hand in his, bringing it up slowly and planting a light kiss on my fingertips. A gesture that I only ever knew would feel this amazing because its him. He was the only person I’ve met to have such a gentlemanly feature.

“Can we slowly... get back to how we were? I know it’s my fault. I know you won’t forgive me immediately. Do whatever you want with me. Whatever decision you choose, I’ll just have to accept it.” Jaehyun whispered, his voice growing quiet with each word as he looked down to my hand and caressed it with his thumb. I could still feel his kiss lingering on the tips of my fingers.

I brought my hand up to his chin, lifting his head up and eyes off the table, forcing him to look me in the eye. I leaned in and kissed his cheek, letting my lips stay there for a long moment before pulling away. I could see Jaehyun smiling slightly at my touch. He thought he could cover it up with a cough, making me giggle softly.

“I’m not forgiving you just yet. But I do admit that I missed how we were two years back.”

297 notes · View notes

morganaspendragonss · 3 years ago

Note

Hello, fic request coming through if you are still doing them! Okay, Carlos has not been feeling well so he stays in and doesn't go to his shift. TK still has his shift, so he wants to stay with Carlos to keep an eye on him but Carlos says he is fine. TK is uneasy at work just wants to go back home, he calls Carlos but he is not answering. Tommy says TK can go check up on Carlos, while he is at home, he finds Carlos in bed and when he goes closer, Carlos is not breathing. Paramedic!TK coming through. Super angst ensues but Carlos makes it in the end after some time in a coma.

holly's august extravaganza day 25: heaving through corrupted lungs

thank you for the prompt!

thanks also to @noxsoulmate for the beta! 💚

ao3 | 2.9k | major character illness, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, brief references to past, canonical character death

“Strand, I know we’re not on a call right now, but you could at least pretend to be focused.”

TK flushes as Tommy’s somewhat less-than amused voice reaches him from the back of the ambulance. He hurriedly locks his phone and shoves it in the glove compartment, though not before checking every messaging app he has for word from Carlos.

There’s none, of course, just like it’s been all day. Logically, he knows Carlos is probably sleeping—god knows he needs it—but that isn’t going to stop him from worrying, or from sending check-up texts every ten minutes. It does, however, stop Carlos from answering, which isn’t very conducive to TK’s ability to concentrate on work today.

“Sorry, Cap,” he says. “It’s just—”

“Carlos is sick and you’re being paranoid, as usual,” Nancy chimes in, audibly rolling her eyes from the driver’s seat. “Look, dude, if he said he’s fine, then he’s probably fine.”

“Well, I’m the paramedic in the relationship, and I say he’s not fine.” TK sighs and forces himself to resist the urge to pull out his phone again. “Carlos likes to lecture me about hiding injuries, but he’s exactly the same when he’s ill; he could be on death’s door and still saying he’s okay. But he hasn’t said anything today, so I’m worried.”

“You’re always worried about him.”

“Welcome to relationships,” Tommy comments. “Seriously though, TK, are you going to be okay to finish this shift? There’s still ten hours to go and we cannot afford for you to be distracted out there.”

TK doesn’t answer right away; on one hand, he’s itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.

His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.

He’s staring out the window, considering his options, when he realises that he knows these streets. Like, actually knows them. They’re right around the corner from his and Carlos’s home, and an idea strikes TK like a lightning bolt.

“Hey, Cap?” he asks, twisting around in his seat to look at her. “How about we take a lunch break now instead of driving all the way back to the station? There’s a great place nearby, and it’s less likely that we’ll be interrupted by a call before we get food.”

Tommy eyes him suspiciously, clearly not buying his innocent act. “What are you talking about, TK?”

“Mine and Carlos’s place is literally two streets away; we could drop by and I could check in on him and make sure he’s okay. Plus,” he continues, already spotting the argument on Tommy’s face, “I’m not lying about the food. Carlos cooks in bulk, so we’ve got loads of leftover casserole in the freezer.”

Tommy pauses, indecision clear in her expression. She narrows her eyes at TK, scrutinising him. “Will this mean you’ll stop being so distracted?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright.” She sighs and nods, and Nancy switches directions to head towards their home. “I’m holding you to that, Strand.”

TK spends the entire drive, short as it is, drumming his fingers on his knees and trying to keep the ever-growing panic at bay. Carlos is going to be fine.

He has to be.

He jumps out the ambulance before Nancy’s even fully stopped it, cursing himself as he fumbles with his keys. Tommy pats his shoulder soothingly; it doesn’t really calm him down, but TK appreciates the effort and her unconditional support. When he gets inside, he simply waves a hand in the general direction of the freezer, hoping Tommy and Nancy get the message, and barrels upstairs, Carlos’s name bursting from his lips.

“Carlos, babe, you here?” It’s a stupid question; TK had seen the Camaro in the driveway and Carlos is far too ill to want to walk anywhere—or so TK hopes—so he has to be home. But the silence draws out, and TK’s heart is pounding a mile a minute by the time he reaches the door to their bedroom.

“Carlos?” He pushes open the door, sighing in relief when he sees his fiancé sprawled across the bed, dead to the world. It’s a little weird that he hasn’t woken up yet given how loud TK was shouting, but it’s probably just because his body needs the rest. TK would bet that the apocalypse could happen outside the window and Carlos wouldn’t so much as stir.

He tip-toes towards the bed, a soft smile spreading across his lips as anxiety gives way to fondness and love. It’s not until he’s within touching distance of Carlos that he registers just how still he is; just how silent the room is.

This morning, Carlos’s breathing was loud and harsh, punctuated with periodic sniffs and coughs.

Now, he’s not making a sound.

And, as TK drops to his knees and bends over his fiancé’s body, he realises that his chest isn’t moving.

Carlos isn’t breathing.

The panic is back in full force as TK frantically presses his fingers to Carlos’s pulse point, praying for something—a flutter, anything—to indicate that Carlos isn’t… That he’s not…

There’s nothing.

Instinct takes over, TK linking his hands on Carlos’s chest and starting compressions even as his vision blurs with tears and he chokes on the sobs building in his throat.

“Cap!” he yells, not taking his eyes off Carlos. “Cap, up here!”

A minute later, Tommy and Nancy burst into the room, both halting in shock for a moment before jumping into action. Nancy moves to the other side of the bed, already pulling out the ambu bag, while Tommy comes to stand by TK.

“What do we have?” she asks, professional as ever, though there’s a clear worried undertone to her voice.

“No pulse, no respiration,” he manages, voice thick. “Skin is warm to the touch. No clear cause, but patient was congested and moderately feverish during the past few days.”

Tommy nods and gently pushes at TK’s shoulder. “Alright, you did good, TK, but you should let us take over now,” she says gently. “Come on, Nancy and I can handle this.”

TK ignores her, continuing compressions with renewed force. “I have to help him, Cap. I have to.”

“And you have, but now—”

“No!” Later, TK will be ashamed of the way he lost control like that, and he’ll have to apologise to Tommy, but the only thing he can really, truly focus on now is Carlos. He keeps pushing, feeling Carlos’s ribs give under his hands, and forces himself to keep going even though his stomach turns at the idea of causing him any pain. “Come on, baby,” he mutters. “Come on, Carlos, please.”

Time is running out; TK can tell by the way the silence is starting to feel heavier and heavier, by the looks he knows Tommy and Nancy must be exchanging over his head. Carlos’s time is running out, and TK is staring down a future he doesn’t know he can survive, and—

“I have a pulse!” Nancy shouts, and the words don’t register in TK’s head until Tommy’s hands are forcibly pulling him back and Carlos’s chest is moving and his eyelids start to flutter.

Tommy slides into the space left by TK, practiced hands checking Carlos’s vitals. “Carlos, can you hear me?”

She gets no response save for a weak groan, then Carlos’s body goes slack again and his head lolls limply on the pillow. TK takes a panicked step forward, but he’s just as quickly pushed back as Tommy secures an oxygen mask over Carlos’s face.

“Nancy, get the backboard and the gurney ready. Heart rate is arrhythmic and respiration is laboured; radio Austin Memorial and get their cardiac unit on standby.”

Nancy dashes out of the bedroom, and Tommy grabs her own radio. “Dispatch, this is RA 126 responding to a cardiac event at 2204 Allred Drive. Patient is unconscious and breathing, however at the time of arrival, he was in cardiac arrest. Duration unknown.”

“Copy that, RA 126.”

Nancy arrives with the backboard, and TK feels like an invisible observer as he watches his two teammates work. He’s stuck, barely breathing, as he watches Carlos struggle and fight for his life; he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he dies, here and now.

TK moves as if in a nightmare as they get Carlos down the stairs and into the ambulance, eyes constantly locked on his fiancé. He thinks Tommy might say something to him, but he doesn’t hear it and he doesn’t bother to ask—terrible as it is to admit, he doesn’t care right now. He can’t care; there’s no more room inside him for anything else but Carlos.

He wraps a hand around Carlos’s wrist, two fingers resting on his pulse point, and prays that he’ll never have to feel that absence again.

Tommy sits beside him in the waiting room, a silent show of support while they wait for news on Carlos. Or until they catch another call; whichever comes first. Nancy is…somewhere. TK thinks she might have gone to grab some coffee or a snack, but he honestly has no idea. He’s kind of lost track of things, the hospital’s plain white walls turning time into water as they wait, and wait, and wait.

“I know how you feel, you know,” Tommy says, unprompted. “The night that Charles died, I… I spent so long blaming myself. I wasn’t there, you know? And I just kept thinking that if I had been there, if I hadn’t stayed out at Grace and Judd’s, then I might have been able to do something to save him.” She levels him with a firm, yet motherly look, and TK drops his gaze to the floor. “I know now that there was nothing. It kills me to admit it, but what happened would have happened either way, and it’s the same here. Carlos is young, healthy—there was no reason to suspect anything might happen. Certainly nothing like this. You did everything that you could, TK, and you have to hold onto that, no matter what the outcome.”

TK squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, giving up on keeping the tears at bay. Tommy reaches out to wrap one arm around him, but he jerks away, curling in on himself. “It’s not the same,” he whispers, voice thick. “It’s not— I knew, Cap. I knew he was ill and I still left him.”

“You said you guys thought it was just a bad cold.”

“No, I knew. I’m a paramedic, how could I have missed this?”

“These things happen, TK,” she says softly. “It’s cruel, and it’s senseless, and, more than anything, it’s unavoidable. We can go in circles blaming ourselves for it—and I know it’s worse for us; we think we should be able to see everything because it’s our job, right?

“The thing is, we’re the most blind when it comes to the people we love. We think we see everything and we always worry over them, but ultimately we just want to believe that everything’s going to be okay. That they’re going to be okay. It’s hard to accept when they’re not.”

“I should have done more.”

“You did all you cou—”

“No, I didn’t.” He lets out a sob, twisting away from Tommy’s touch once more when she tries to comfort him. “I should have insisted on staying home; I should have thought about going to check on him earlier. We have no idea how long he was lying there, dead—he was dead, Tommy—before we arrived, but if I had been there then I could have gotten him help.”

TK takes a shuddering breath and looks up at his captain, meeting her eyes for the first time since they were in the ambulance. “Tommy, if he dies, then I swear I’ll never forgive myself. Never.”

Tommy looks like she wants to say more, but just as she opens her mouth, her radio crackles to life. She sighs regretfully but stands, clasping TK’s shoulder gently.

“He’ll be okay, TK. Believe in that.”

Looking at Carlos, TK has never believed in anything less. He’s so still and pale on the bed and TK keeps having to check that his chest is still moving, despite the steady beep of the heart monitor and the constant thrum against his fingertips. He hasn’t let go of Carlos’s wrist since he was allowed into the room, and he doesn’t intend to let go until Carlos is back with him, awake and alive and okay.

He’s trying to believe in that outcome as a certainty, but he knows better than that. Carlos might be young and healthy, but the fact still remains that his heart stopped—coming back from that is far from guaranteed.

It’s been three days since the incident, and Carlos’s parents have been in and out, always bringing TK food and trying to engage him in conversation. He tries, for them, but it’s not easy and the attempts always fizzle out before long; TK just doesn’t have it in him anymore to talk and pretend to be positive. Any hope he ever had has abandoned him, the only thing keeping him afloat his grip around Carlos’s wrist.

A tupperware container drops into his lap, and TK looks up to see Andrea standing over him. She reaches across to caress Carlos’s cheek, then sinks into the chair beside TK, giving him a pointed look.

He sighs, attempting a weak smile for her. “I appreciate it, Andrea, but—”

“No,” she interrupts, shaking her head firmly. “No more buts; I won’t hear them. My son might not be able to make sure you take care of yourself, but I am more than capable of taking over for him. I am very strict about food, ask any of his sisters.” Her stern look softens and she pats his arm gently. “Venga, mijo. You’ll feel better for it.”

TK looks down at the dish in his lap, doing his best to keep a grimace off his face. It looks and smells delicious, like all of Andrea’s cooking, but the sight of it makes his stomach turn, his gag reflex activating at the very thought of putting any in his mouth.

“Andrea, I…” He shakes his head and picks the container up with his free hand, handing it back to her. “I can’t.”

And it’s not just that TK can’t handle any food at the moment, though that certainly plays into it.

But they’re tamales.

The Reyes family recipe tamales, passed down through generations, which Carlos has been slowly attempting to teach TK. Which Carlos always makes on special occasions, and sometimes just for the hell of it.

Which Carlos made the night he proposed.

Andrea looks set to argue, but TK forces an end to the conversation by making her take the container and turning back to Carlos.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, knowing he’s disappointed her. “It’s just hard.”

She sighs and rubs his back. “I know. Just don’t come to me when Carlos wakes up and realises you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

That almost gets a laugh out of him, and TK looks over to smile at Andrea. It’s a brittle thing, but it’s a smile all the same, which is more than he’s managed in three days. She smiles back at him, and it helps him feel not so alone in all this.

A weak groan is all the warning he gets before, “Are you turning down my mother’s cooking?” reaches his ears, and TK gasps, whipping around to stare at the bed.

Right into Carlos’s eyes.

“Oh my god,” he gasps, tears springing to his eyes. “Oh my god.”

“Hey, baby.” Carlos’s voice is rough and rasping, his eyes fluttering closed again a second later, though TK can tell that he’s still awake. He reaches to the table and pours a cup of water, encouraging Carlos to lift his head and drink through the straw.

“Slow sips, that’s it,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb gently along Carlos’s wrist, still holding on tightly.

Once Carlos has drunk his fill, he opens his eyes again and looks up at TK, gaze searching his face. “I love you,” he rasps, smiling gently, “but did you really just say no to my mom’s tamales?”

TK splutters, but he can’t keep the smile off his own face, shaking his head fondly at Carlos. “I love you too, idiot,” he says. “And tamales don’t taste the same without you there to eat them with me.”

“Good thing I’m here now, then.”

TK hums. “Guess it is.”

(Later, after the nurses and doctors have come and gone, TK will pick up the tub of tamales, left behind by Andrea when she went to tell everyone the good news.

He and Carlos will split one, pressed close together in the bed to avoid getting crumbs on the sheets. Carlos will be smiling at him the entire time, and TK will kiss him over and over, relishing the sensation of Carlos kissing him back.

And it’ll be the best damn tamale TK has ever eaten.)

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kinglivv · 4 years ago

Text

Distractions

Whittaker!Master x Reader

Summary: You're trying to participate in a Zoom class and the Master's trying to get your attention.

Warnings: Implied smut, corona virus mention

A/N: For all the people now doing online classes/meetings because they suck bro. Please let me know if you liked it :)

"And that is why, although fusion reactors are a genius solution to our energy needs, they currently don't work."

Your professor flicks over to the next powerpoint slide and you groan internally, willing for the class to be over soon. You were sat in the TARDIS library, attempting to get to grips with online learning - you might be able to escape a pandemic on Earth via the Master's TARDIS, but it was still very much going on down there without you and as a result, your university tutorials and lectures had been moved online.

You're leaning forward to copy something down into your notepad when suddenly you feel arms slide down around your neck and blonde hair tickling your cheek. You tear your gaze away from your laptop to look at the Master, resting her head on your shoulder.

"Morning." You comment.

"Morning." She grins. "What's this?"

"My tutorial."

She frowns. "Isn't that a thing you're meant to do on Earth at one of those... umniversity thingys?"

"University." You correct. "And there's a pandemic remember? 2021? Everything's online for now."

"Oh yeah," She says nonchalantly. "Although you know it's alright in the end, don't you?"

"Spoilers." You reply dismissively.

"Y/N?" Your professor's voice suddenly pipes up and you return your attention to the screen. "Can you give us the two types of nuclear fission?"

Trying to ignore the Master clinging to you, you turn on your microphone.

"Spontaneous and..."

"Induced." The Master whispers in your ear, lips brushing over it and sending a small shiver down your spin.

"Induced." You finish, and turn your microphone off when your professor seems satisfied with your answer.

"I don't see why you bother with this." The Master waves her hand at the screen.

"I started my physics degree long before I met you, and I fully intend to finish it."

"Why do a degree in limited Earth physics when I can take you all around the universe and teach you it myself?"

"Because me saying 'Oh yes, my psychopath alien girlfriend taught me it all!' on my CV isn't going to get me a job." You retort. You lean over and highlight something in your textbook and she follows, still wrapped around you. If it was anyone else, you would bat them away, but the smell of her cologne is intoxicating.

"Humans know nothing about physics, believe me. It's a waste of time." She tells you. "Besides I'm sure there's much more... interesting things you could be doing."

With that, she presses a kiss to your jaw, elicting a faint 'oh' from your mouth, quite involuntarily. You attempt to shake her off, but she persists.

"Master." You warn as she moves onto your throat, nipping slightly, but she pays you no heed, continuing her onslaught. You bite your lip and mentally thank your past self for not turning on your laptop camera for this class - you'd originally thought that the imposing background of the TARDIS library would raise a few too many eyebrows, but you hadn't even considered that the Master might decide to wander into shot.

A hand begins to slide down your front, and you catch it quickly before it can reach anywhere too receptive.

"Master." You repeat, trying to pay attention to your computer.

You lean foward to write something, deliberately attempting to shrug her off. To your relief, she pulls away, but when you sit back again you don't have a chance to stop her before she plonks herself down in your lap.

"Oi!" You hiss, and she just grins back at you sweetly.

Thankfully she doesn't attempt to do anything else and instead just idily flicks through your textbook, scoffing at the content.

"Please - this is first year academy stuff."

Suddenly, one of your classmates pipes up.

"Professor, could you please go over the Nuclear fusion content again?"

"Again?" The Master sniffs. "Human's are such nano-brains."

You swat her and she just smirks, wiggling in your lap.

"I just don't get the chain reaction part." The student says after the Professor's explained it again.

"Oh, for Rassilon's sake." The Master rolls her eyes and reaches out to ummute you, supposedly to tell the student off for being such an incompetent primitive numbskull, but you catch her hand just in time, yanking it away and earning you a glare.

"How can you put up with this?" She exasperates.

"You," You say pointedly, "have the temperment of a child. Or a cat."

Her face lights up.

"I was actually a cat once! Well, not strictly a cat, more of a cheetah-"

"Now... could you tell us Y/N?"

You freeze at the your teacher's voice. You hadn't heard the question.

It's at this wildly innapropriate moment that the Master decides it would be a good time to lean in and begin pressing her lips to your throat again. You bite back a moan.

"Y/N?" The teacher says again at your silence.

"She asked you how to calculate residual energy from a nuclear reaction." The Master mumbles helpfully against your jaw, no doubt smudging lipstick onto it.

Hastily, you reach forward and turn on your microphone.

"Sorry, E=mc squared - ah." You swallow a gasp as the Master bites down. Reaching up, you thread a hand into her hair and pull her away roughly, which only serves to make the Master whimper and her eyes light up. You frantically reach out and put yourself on mute again, praying they hadn't heard that.

"Aren't you meant to be cleaning the rotors?" You hiss. You had barely seen her all morning.

"I was." She loops her arms around your neck and gives you a grin that reminds you so vividly of Missy.

"Why aren't you now?"

"I got bor-ed." She drags out the word and then leans in, red lips finally landing on yours and you let her kiss you all sweet and deep, tongue swiping over your lips tauntingly.

"I really need to finish this lecture." You say, breath dancing over her lips when the kiss breaks.

"I could always just get on my knees for you right here, love." She teases and you feel your cheeks go red.

"I'm not missing class."

"I learned this stuff before I was even a teenager, babe. I could teach you everything you missed in ten minutes."

"They'll notice I'm gone." You try to protest, but there's really no resistance left in your voice anymore, not when her hand's stroking over your cheek and through your hair like that.

"Tell them your internet broke."

"We're on a very well functioning space ship, I hardly think-"

She silences you with another kiss, a hand reaching out behind her to close your laptop. Without another word, you allow her to pull you up from your desk and lead you out of the library.

How could you prioritise a Zoom class over someone like her?

Taglist: @truthbehindthemysteries @queerconfusionthings @xenteaart @actuallyanita @ateliefloresdaprimavera @persephonehemingway @fabulous-jj-style @anteroom-of-death

#doctor who #13th doctor #series 12 #the master #13th doctor x reader #jodie whittaker x reader #jodie whittaker #whittaker!master x reader #doctor who fanfic #whittaker!master #thirteenth doctor x reader #13 x reader #the master x reader #corona mention #13th doctor imagine

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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years ago

Text

Only One Choice, Chapter 4

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

He knocks in a predetermined pattern; two short, one long, one short, pause, three long, pause, one long, two short, one long. There’s a short buzzing sound and then a series of pops as multiple locks are disengaged. The door opens to reveal Frohike in his flowered apron, a bowl of half-mixed guacamole in hand.

“Mulder, perfect timing! Fajitas will be ready in ten minutes,” Frohike says, ushering him inside.

“Hey, man, long time no see,” calls Langly from behind a computer screen, not bothering to look up.

Mulder slumps heavily onto a worn orange couch and nods in gratitude at Byers, who hands him an open beer.

“Where’ve you been, Mulder?” Byers asks, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

Mulder shrugs. “Around. Just working. Living the dream, as it were.”

“Bummer, we thought maybe you finally met a girl,” Langly says teasingly.

Mulder puckers his chin and shrugs. Byers looks from him to Langly and back.

“Did you meet a girl?” Byers questions with a serious tone.

Mulder sighs, dropping his head to rest on the back of the couch. “Yes. No. She has a boyfriend.”

“That’s never stopped you before,” Frohike calls from the kitchen.

Mulder shakes his head woefully. “Not with this girl. She’s...she’s something else. She’s smart, and gorgeous, and she’s not the type of girl you can steal away from a boyfriend. She’d probably kick my ass if I tried to kiss her.”

“That’s rough, man,” Langly offers in sympathy, and Byers nods.

“What do you know about the boyfriend?” Byers asks, “should we run background on him, see what we can find?”

“NO. No. I appreciate the offer, but I’m not trying to ruin her life just to get in her pants,” Mulder replies sadly.

“Wow, you must really like her,” says Langly.

“Yeah,” Mulder responds, “yeah, I really do.”

She is disturbed by her coffee date with Mulder. No, not a date, she reminds herself. Just two colleagues getting coffee, talking about work. The fact that she feels drawn to him like a magnet is irrelevant. She has a boyfriend, a great one. He treats her well and has a stable job. He does half the housework and is decently good in bed. She’s happy.

So why can’t she stop thinking about him?

He pops into her mind at the worst times, often in the shower or bath. Or when she’s driving, cooking, teaching, doing an autopsy. Anything, really. The last time she and Ethan made love, she realized she was thinking about Mulder and she was so thrown that she couldn’t finish. She actually had to fake it, and she’s not sure Ethan was fooled.

Ethan is a good man. She loves him. She tries to parse out what about Mulder she finds so alluring; what is he evoking in her that Ethan doesn’t? Sure, he’s better looking than Ethan, but Ethan’s no slouch and looks aren’t that important to her anyway. There’s something edgy and dangerous about him. His cool, unaffected confidence and his wacky theories. He’s interesting and funny, but so are a lot of people. She tries to put Mulder out of her mind.

June twenty-first arrives; she and Ethan’s five-year anniversary. After much deliberation, she bought him a first-edition copy of Catcher in the Rye, which made a sizable dent in her savings. She hopes it stands up well to whatever he’s gotten for her. As they like to do, he’s left the apartment so she can get ready alone, and he’ll come by to “pick her up” as though it were a real date. She shimmies into a snug blue tank dress that cuts at the knee, pairing it with black peep toe pumps. She puts on a little more eyeliner and mascara than usual, her lips painted soft pink. She hears three soft raps at the door and smiles.

“Hello,” she says as she opens it, finding him there in khakis and a black button up shirt, the sleeves cuffed.

He smiles broadly as he looks her up and down. “Hello yourself. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she replies demurely, stepping forward to kiss him softly on the lips, not wanting to smudge her lipstick.

“Shall we?” he asks, extending an elbow, and they head to dinner.

Dinner is delicious and lovely, and afterward they walk alongside the reflecting pool at the National Mall, the setting sun coloring the water deep red. It’s a comfortably warm night, the noisy chirping of cicadas drowning out the late evening traffic.

“It’s such a nice night,” Dana comments, her fingers threaded with Ethan’s on one hand and her heels, which had begun to hurt her feet, in the other.

“It is. It’s perfect,” Ethan replies, then turns to look at her, “just like you.”

She dips her chin and smiles shyly. “I’m far from perfect, Ethan.”

He stops and turns to her. “You’re perfect to me.”

She feels a lump in her throat. Maybe it’s due to being overwhelmed by the love of this wonderful man, or maybe it’s because she’s spent the better part of a week thinking about a different one. He plucks her shoes from her hand and sets them on the ground beside her feet before he clasps both her hands in his.

“I feel so lucky, Dana, every day. Every day with you is the best day of my life,” he says with such sincerity that she feels tears prick at her eyes. He drops one of her hands and stuffs his own in his pocket, looking over her shoulder to the Washington Monument. “The monument always looks so beautiful at sunset,” he comments, and she turns her back to him to look at it, tall and imposing against a scarlet sky.

“Dana,” he calls from behind her, and she turns around to see him down on one knee, his hands extended with a small box perched between them. She gasps, her heart clutching before it begins to race haphazardly.

“I love you so much, and the past five years together has only made me want fifty more. Will you do me the honor of being my wife, Dana? Will you marry me?” His eyes are pooling with tears, his voice quaking with emotion though his intention is clear. She feels as though she might pass out.

“Oh, Ethan,” she finally replies, her mind scrambling for words, or thoughts. She had always imagined an overcoming sense of elation in this moment, and is surprised that what she feels is fear.

His expression is becoming a bit worried; she’s taking too long to respond. Of course she wants to marry Ethan, they’ve talked about getting married. She’s been working towards this for years. Why is she hesitating?

“Dana?” he asks with trepidation, and she snaps herself out of it.

“Yes, of course I will, Ethan. Of course.” The words feel like they’re coming from someone else’s mouth.

He sighs heavily with relief, standing and pulling her into a hug. He plucks the ring from the box; a sizable round-cut solitaire with small diamonds along the band on either side. It’s a beautiful ring, and when he slips it on her finger it fits perfectly.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” he says before kissing her, and she kisses him back, kisses him repeatedly so she won’t have to speak.

This is what she’s always wanted. So why does she feel like running away?

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files #alternate universe #xf fanfic

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malachi-walker · 4 years ago

Note

Happy birthday, Mal! I love your fics, they evoke so much emotion in me and have made me cry many a time. I don't often reread fics, but i've reread multiple chapters of Rhythm and Blues because they're stuck with me so much. You capture the emotional pain of their trauma and the catharsis that comes with their growth so beautifully. You also write some brilliant meta and just consistently post some fantastic thoughts. Also your love for swords is very appreciated. <3 have a lovely day!

First of all, my apologies for not replying sooner. I was making my mind up about something that would definitely require the use of a read more and thus necessitate dragging myself to desktop (which I hate because my laptop predates the dinosaurs.)

But seriously. Thank you so much. This is honestly one of the sweetest comments I've ever gotten and definitely made my already pretty sweet bday even better.

So about that read more. In honor of you, @metalesbo, my friends @n7punk and @jem-jarrett and everyone else who sent me well wishes or just really loves my work... Here's the opening section of the next chapter of R&B. Enjoy. It's a long one.

Adora Eternia is about two months shy of her fourteenth birthday when she first realizes she's in love with her best friend.

Though--if asked--she would hasten to explain that it wasn't when she fell in love. But trying to pinpoint the exact moment is an exercise in catching mist: the more she tries to grasp it in her hands the more it spreads out and covers everything. It just is: pure and simple and very, very complicated.

It's the beginning of December and the whole town is covered in a thick blanket of snow. Winterfest will be here in a few weeks, so to help out the kids who want to get gifts for their friends the Right Zone administration has shuffled around the groups that usually take their monthly trips on the third and fourth Sundays of the month to double up with the other two. As part of group three, she and Catra got the first week (the other three members of their crew are week two folks anyway and thus outside the reorganization.)

It's still kinda weird to think that: their crew. For so long, it was just Catra and Adora. Adora and Catra. One unit bound together, just them against the world. But there's also something nice about being part of a small cluster, their "scrappy little lone wolf pack" as Catra had once put it with a wry grin before Lonnie shoved her over with an, "Excuse you, I'm a great people person when I'm not busy making sure you idiots haven't set yourselves on fire!"

They all got a good laugh out of that one.

But regardless, the holidays are coming up and this is the first year that any of their group has felt like actually doing anything for it, aside from wrangling together a sleepover and seeing if they can convince the kitchen staff to slip them some leftover eggnog.

They made each other promise not to go too extravagant and keep each person's gift to ten dollars or lower. Even though their quarterly stipend has increased from three hundred to four hundred to match with inflation over the past eight years, it still isn't a whole lot for three month's worth of expenses, especially when they also have to budget regularly for clothes to keep up with the seemingly endless growth spurts.

There's also the usual budgetary concern of keeping her and Catra's first aid kit well supplied...

Adora shakes her head to dislodge the intrusive thought and continues marching onward through the snow. This trip is a good thing. She won't let all the awful realities of their life taint it.

With so many kids running around and wanting to shop on their own to surprise their giftees, Right Zone had to negotiate with both the local police and whatever other civic authorities they could get ahold of to come out en masse and keep an eye on them all. The kids had still come with their usual teachers, of course, but doubling the load and also splitting up was a logistical nightmare. Which is just a convoluted way to say the town is positively crawling with uniformed officers, off duty members of the fire brigade, emergency personnel, and other such authority figures quietly keeping watch and making sure no one tries anything.

Adora knows that somewhere in the press of bodies, Grizzlor's busy wrangling two new "brats" (seven and nine, respectively, and definitely not friends.) Somewhere, a certain Magicat is probably grumbling over the indignity of being forced to wear shoes and kicking every snowpile she can, like she can send a direct message to whatever cosmic force is responsible for her current frustration.

On an ordinary month she and Catra--being old enough to be allowed a bit more freedom to do what they want--would buddy up to watch each other's backs while they did their shopping. But this isn't an ordinary month, so once they'd each gotten gifts for the other three they'd split up on opposite ends of Main Street with an agreement to move clockwise to avoid running into each other. Afterwards, the entire group would rendezvous at the small clock tower in the park a block over before heading back to Right Zone.

Ten dollars wasn't a lot to work with, but Adora had done her best: a new stress ball for Kyle, some moisturizing oil for Rogelio since the early winter shed had wiped out his supply and he'd been too busy to pick up some more, a twelve pound kettle weight for Lonnie now that their shared exercise routine was getting a bit too easy for her... Utilitarian choices, to be sure, but she's been paying attention and that has to count for something.

Catra's the difficult one, of course. Partly because Adora doesn't want to just get her something practical, but also because they share nearly everything between them already. About the only thing that is definitively off limits is Catra's guitar, and she's told Adora enough about her time with Tao over the years that Adora wouldn't even ask. Beyond that... Well, there's a reason why most of Adora's day off hoodies have small strands of orange fur stuck to them.

Still. I want to get her something that's hers. Something she'll like. Something she doesn't have to share with anyone, not even me.

In the end, she nearly walks past it. In one of the artisanal shops that dot small towns like liver spots, she finds a display of hand stamped necklace pendants, with a design sheet beside it. There are a lot of the usual nature designs and such, but the one that catches her eye is a treble clef with the five staff lines bleeding out from it. They ring the edge of the pendant in a half circle, and scattered haphazardly along the lines are the other music notes.

The lack of proper order would drive Adora insane. She understands that it's just meant to look pretty, not be an accurate representation of musical notation, but still... She knows her own (broken) brain well enough to know that.

It suits Catra, though.

"Hey," Mismatched eyes looked down at Adora as her head draped backwards over the back of their desk chair, the throbbing behind her left eye threatening to escalate into a migraine. "Guess I don't have to ask how the composing's going."

"It sucks," Adora groused back, sitting up and gesturing Catra over. She jabbed at two particular spots with the half chewed off eraser end of her pencil, two hard jabs each, like she was filing a complaint. "Most of it is just what I'm going for, but these two places here... They aren't sounding right. I've been going back and forth over structure all afternoon, but nothing I do helps."

"Hmmm..." Catra stroked her chin and nudged Adora over so she could sit on the arm of the chair (they'd never gotten around to requesting a second, mostly because Adora didn't want to risk Shadow Weaver suspecting they were getting too chummy.) "Got any scratch paper?"

Adora pointed to the pile of half crumpled notebook paper she used when making adjustments and Catra snorted. "Ok, dumb question. Just let me see here..."

Grabbing a pen, she quickly inked a fresh set of staff lines and copied the notes Adora had already put down, making sure to leave space to work. Glancing between the two, she drummed her fingers on the desk, playing along in her head.

"Hmm..." Catra murmured, worrying at her lower lip with a fang in a manner that was... Oddly distracting. "Ok, how 'bout this?"

Adora jolted, tearing her gaze from Catra's face to look at the sequence of notes scribbled onto the scratch paper. She paused, brow furrowing as she played them over in her mind's eye. It was a little unorthodox, veering away from the path she had carefully laid out... But also blending well with the next part. Almost like the notes took a quick detour and then lead the listener back to where she wanted them.

"Yeah..." Adora replied thoughtfully, the tension all over her body starting to smooth out. "Yeah, that could work."

"Awesome. Let's take a look at the next part."

They ultimately ended up spending several hours going over the entire piece, sussing out every place where Adora was having even the slightest niggle of unease. She didn't accept all of Catra's changes and Catra didn't push the matter, but the ones she did...

They felt right. More right than they had ever felt when it was just Adora running circles around herself.

When they finally finished up she looked over at Catra, tail waving sedately in that way it got when she was simultaneously engaged but relaxed, and asked, "Umm... Do you want to learn with me? I like doing this."

'I like making music with you.'

Catra paused, looking over at Adora searchingly, almost like she couldn't believe the question had come up. No matter how many years had passed between them, that look never really went away, and every time she saw it Adora's chest ached in a way that was hard for her to process.

"I'd like that."

Catra's composing style is very different from Adora's. More wild, more willing to bend and break the rules if it means maintaining audience engagement, but there's always an underlying order to the chaos. To her surprise and pleasure, Adora found herself learning just as much from Catra as Catra was learning from her. Their styles brought out the best in each other.

The jingle of a bell kicks her out of the memory. Mind made up even though it's nearly double her budget, Adora scans the stand of necklaces for the one with the treble clef pattern.

It isn't there. Adora swallows down the disappointment, though she can't help the sigh. Of course. The town was well aware of the large population of music students a short drive away and catered to them accordingly. But there are also dozens of kids out on the street tonight. It isn't that big of a surprise that the design sold out.

Not surprising, but disheartening nonetheless.

She's just begun to turn away when a voice calls from the back. "Hang on a sec there, little miss."

Adora jumps, but remains where she is as a large Taurian man with a massive snow white beard trundles out from a door behind the counter, wiping his hands on his apron. "Was there a particular design you were interested in?"

Adora points at the treble clef, hope rising. "This one. But it looks like it's already sold out."

"Hmm..." The man scratchs at his chin. "Well with Winterfest coming up, I'm out of blank pendants-"

Adora's shoulders slump.

"-But," The man continues with a smile. "I can double stamp it onto the back of another. Ordinarily I'd charge extra for that, but it's my fault for not ordering enough blanks. Rookie move. Besides, it's the holidays. Now would that be all right by you?"

Nodding frantically in case he changes his mind, Adora scans the other designs, quickly alighting on one in particular. "That one!"

"The claw marks? Bit of an odd combination, but the customer is always right," The old man winked as he reached out to take the necklace from her. "My jig and press is in the corner over here if you wanna watch."

Adora was glad he specified, because as nice as the man seemed there was no way in hell she was going into a back room with a stranger. But she stood next to the window beside a display of miscellaneous knick knacks and puzzles, watching him carefully place the pendant in a cushioned stand to avoid damaging the already printed side and tighten it into place before moving beside the machine.

"You're gonna want to cover your ears," He tells her, patting the machine with one massive hand. "Had to switch to a steam press when the arthritis caught up to me. Used to do it all by hammer. This boy's okay, but he gets loud."

Adora nods, glad for the warning when he bellows "Clear!" and the machine's hammer comes down once, twice, three times with a sound like the ringing of an enormous bell. Once the machine is stopped and carefully turned off, the old man removes the pendant from the press and hands it over to Adora for inspection. "What do you think? Does it pass muster?"

Adora runs her fingertips over the impressions in the metal, memorizing the feel of it, the leftover warmth of the impact. "Perfect."

"Good. Now let's get you rung up."

Counting the five dollars she attempted to surreptitiously slip into the tip jar (the old man winked as he turned back around, so stealth fail) Adora went very over budget, but the others would have to put a gun to her head for her to admit it.

Besides, it's Catra. They already know she's the sole exception to all of Adora's carefully maintained rules.

With everything finished, she continues trudging through the snow toward the park, breathing a sign of relief as she moves away from the shopping district and the people thin out; no one wanting to go to the park in the middle of such bleak weather. Angling around a clustered group of bare trees, she spots the small clock tower in the distance, as well as the figure already standing beside it. Grinning, Adora picks up the pace a bit until she can see Catra clearly and--

Her breath catches.

Since her only experience with this kind of thing has been through books, Adora always expected this moment would be more dramatic. Like back to back in the middle of a fight, or eyes locking from up on stage. Something spectacular, like fireworks, lime explosions, like the feeling of playing a song without a single mistake for the first time. It's always seemed like such a big deal in the stories, and in a way, it is.

Because there's Catra, lost in her own world as she gazes up at the streetlight that's just come on, her left hand extended to let the snowflakes fall into her palm and the light catches the orange of her fur just right to make a blaze of color against the black of her coat. She looks so small, standing in that space all alone on a cold winter's night, but Adora knows deep down that she could never be that small, not when she's Catra, not when she means so much...

Pretty much everything about the past hour--about her entire life since they met if she's being honest--snaps into crystal clear focus.

Oh. I get it now. I'm in love with you.

It's a bad idea. Adora knows that. Shadow Weaver is enough of a menace while believing Catra is simply her roommate, her sometime tool--and Catra had ended up being all too right about the torture not stopping, even after years of Adora trying to direct Weaver's attentions away from her. If the evil old bitch figures out Adora's feelings run deeper, so much deeper...

Her heart beats double time. This whole thing is an unmitigated disaster.

But it's still the best worst thing that's ever happened to her.

She must make a noise, because Catra's ear twitches in her direction, snapping her out of that distant contemplation. She turns her head and looks at Adora, lips curling in a lopsided grin. "Hey, Adora. Wow, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Adora blinks, coming back to herself and mumbling the first excuse that springs to mind. "... Just cold."

"Well no shit. C'mere."

When she closes the distance Catra glances around warily, making sure they're the only ones around, before reaching up and retying the scarf around Adora's neck, patting it once when she's done. "There. I know I make it look good, but you don't have the advantage of fur like me."

Adora looks down at the thin AC/DC t-shirt that Catra's wearing beneath her half open coat, the line of her collarbones and neck, and makes a snap decision. "Is it okay if I give you your present now?"

Catra blinks, a little thrown by the non sequitur. "I mean... Sure? Do you want me to give you yours?"

"I'm good with either," Adora shrugs, trying to ignore how fast her heart is beating, how much she wants to do this before this moment slips away. "I just want to."

There's a long moment of silence as they each examine the other, equally searching. What Catra's looking for, Adora doesn't know. She isn't sure she wants to know.

"Okay."

Breathing deep, Adora reaches into her pocket and pulls out the necklace on its leather cord. Careful to keep the pendant hidden in her hand, she passes it over, fingertips sparking as it's taken. Catra brings it close to her face, running her fingers over the four parallel slashes on the side facing her.

"Why the claw marks?"

Adora laughs, nervous butterflies positively rioting in her stomach. "Because you're a badass. Duh."

"True," Catra smirks, flipping it over and squinting at the other side. "And this?"

"Badass, loves music with all your heart. Not mutually exclusive concepts," Adora says, trying not to give away how much she thinks about this, how much she wants to take that hand in hers. She settles for a playful shoulder bump instead. "Plus we all know you're secretly a big softie."

"Excuse you, I am all sharp edges," Catra giggles, lightly elbowing her before transitioning into a soft little smile. "... Just not with everyone."

Oh God oh God oh God. That smile will absolutely be the death of her.

Swallowing past her horrible awareness of that softness, Adora asks, "So you like it?"

"I love it. Good luck ever getting me to take it off," Catra laughs, then frowns, flexing her fingers. "Hands have gone a little numb, though. Help me put it on?"

Adora.exe promptly crashes to desktop. But she still somehow manages to move, helping Catra hold back her mane so she can slip the leather cord over her head and tuck it beneath her hair. If she hesitates a moment too long in letting go, at least Catra only shoots her an amused glance. "How's it look?"

"Great," Adora manages to croak out, trying to swallow past the sudden dryness in her throat. "You look great. Umm... Happy early Winterfest, I guess?"

"Well, I'm gonna hold onto yours a little longer," Catra laughs, playfully sticking out her tongue before reaching out. "C'mere, you big dork."

Adora shuffles closer, mind and heart both screaming as Catra draws her into a hug, nuzzling her head against the side of her neck. A little whisper. "Thank you."

Adora swallows again, even harder. "You're welcome."

Between them, the necklace rests, the music side pressed right up against Catra's heart.

----------

Fun fact: the shopkeep is based off a cool old dude selling machine pressed necklaces I ran into at a Scottish festival when I was 13, and he made such an impression I never forgot him. Anyway, happy Valentine's! Have a Big Gay Realization!

#answers #rhythm & blues #the catradora rockstar au #featuring adora's big gay realization #and also fantasy christmas

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peakywitch · 4 years ago

Text

Behind the Garrison, by the Canal - Finn Shelby

Word count: 1630

Warning: mention about sex and semi-nudity (?)

A/N: i wrote it in spanish and translated it, apologies if you see any mistake!

gif: @el-cheung

A soft knock on the door interrupted (Y/N) from his reading. She looked up curiously from her book, not knowing who it might be.

Her mother? She was upstairs sleeping with the baby.

Her father? He was working.

Her older brother? He was meeting his fiancé’s parents.

Finn? No, he was at a family meeting, it couldn't be him. Plus, they never met each other during the day.

Y/N got up from the uncomfortable purple sofa, going to the door. She tried to peek through the small window to find out who it was. Suit, a peaked hat, a cigar. A Blinder.

Sh took a deep breath, had her brother gotten into trouble? Having exhaled, she opened the door, showing Finn.

"Finn?" she asked curious and somewhat nervous, they were only supposed to see each other half past eight, behind the Garrison, by the canal.

If her father came earlier from work, she was dead.

"Hey, Y/N." he smiled, as he spoke fast.

"I know we said to meet in a few hours, but since I have the afternoon free, I thought about asking you if...you could...lend me another book?" the nervous smile was still there.

The young girl was teaching the younger Shelby how to read, and since he learned, he read every book there was and to be.

Pride and Prejudice? Finished in 72 hours.

Little women? One week.

Hell, he'd even read the bible and could recite some verses from memory.

On one occasion, Finn told Y/N that he had corrected Isaiah, about the bible:

"I will fear no evil!" Isaiah said humorously, as he answered Arthur about whether he was afraid on one of those many illegal occasions. “Jesus said it, you know, Arthur? And I…” Finn cut him off, correcting him.

"Isaiah, that’s Psalm 23:4." Finn said casually, as he finished his cigarette.

Arthur, John, and Isaiah burst into laughter, of course after trying to figure out how Finnny Boy knew so much about God.

"Sure, Finn. Give me a moment." Y/N closed the door, took the Illustrated edition of Alice in Wonderland that he was reading, took out the bookmark, and returned to the door. She opened it and Finn was still wearing that nervous smile.

"Here it is, have fun with Alice, the Queen and the Mad Hatter, Finn." Y/N's smile made Finn's hand shake.

A few weeks ago, the boy had killed a man. His hand did not tremble, his head did not hesitate. But, oh shit, his heart exploded in anger that night, at home. Finn would never admit it, but it scared him to grow up and be as savagely violent as Arthur, or as distant as Tommy. Fear and anxiety were eating him alive, until he realized that his hand was shaking when she smiled at him.

“Thank you, beautiful." He smiled, as he exchanged the borrowed copy of Romeo and Juliet for that copy of Alice. After a wink and a "see you later" he walked away.

With a stomach full of butterflies, Y/N closed the door.

"Hello friend," she whispered to the book. "Have they treated you well?"

Y/N sat down on the couch again, going over the sentences she had marked with her black pen for the umpteenth time. As she was fanning through the pages, a piece of paper fell on her legs. Curious, she took it in her hands and saw Finn's handwriting. She knew it was his, she had taught him to write in italics. Also, she would recognize that misaligned handwriting and that soft stroke anywhere.

“I thought I knew love until your beauty seduced my eyes. Page 118 –Finn”

She smiled.

After greeting her father who had just arrived from work, Y/N commented that she would go to sleep and skip supper. The clock in her room read half past seven in the afternoon, which gave the signal to Y/N to escape through her window.

She wrapped herself up, looked at herself in the small mirror on her wall, and went out the window. Although the house had two stories, Y/N's room was downstairs, making it easier for her to get out the window.

Legs out, then the torso, the arms, and finally the head. Once outside, she adjusted her hair and began her short walk.

Y/N lived just five minutes from the Garrison and should meet Finn in an hour. But she wanted to stop by the Garrison to say hi to Harry. Also, she was to bring him a shirt that her mother had fixed for him.

As she thought of Finn, the five minutes turned into two seconds, and Y/N found herself in front of the pub. It was Friday, so it was full of men with inhuman amounts of alcohol in their blood. She took a deep breath and opened both doors, the smoke from so much cigarette making her dizzy.

She walked over to the bar and saw Harry serving a scotch. Her nose narrowed, remembering that awful taste she'd tasted with Finn.

"It's horrible," Finn had said, "I don't know why my brothers drink this shit."

"Hello Y/N" Harry greeted, anyone could hear her mother's Irish accent on him.

"Hi Harry, I bring you your shirt. Mom thanks you for making her focus on something other than the baby."

They both laughed, as Y/N handed him the bag. After a casual chat, some questions about her father, her new brother and her mother, they said goodbye. Y/N passed by the private booth, but didn't hear a soul. Maybe Finn was already by the river.

It was a matter of seconds before she reached the river, in their usual spot. She sat on a rock and waited.

Two, five, ten, fifteen, thirty minutes.

It was ten past eight, maybe quarter past eight.

Finn wasn't coming, and Y/N was starting to get scared. It was late, she shouldn't be alone. It was eight thirty, she had waited fifteen more minutes.

"God, don't let anything bad happen, please” Y/N said between prayers.

When she got up, she started walking in the direction of his house. To Finn's house. She was sure he was reading. She headed to Finn's house mainly because she was only a few feet away from it and also because she wanted to know if he was okay.

When she arrived and saw the light on, she was relieved. She knocked on the door, she would ask him to accompany her home.

"I’m going!" Finn yelled, there was a laugh and a slim, semi-naked woman who was wearing a man's shirt opened the door, still laughing.

"Lydia I told you that..." Finn's laughter stopped "Oh bloody hell."

Finn had come up behind Lydia, shirtless and his suspenders dangling at his sides.

The floor shook under Y/N's feet. The rest was blurry, for both of them. Finn remembered the cold hitting his shirtless chest as he yelled Y/N's name all over Watery Lane and Saint Mary's Street, asking for forgiveness and for her to listen to him. Y/N remembered the knot in her belly, hearing nothing except her breaths and feeling how Finn's words he had written burned her heart. Her heart, for the first time, was breaking along with the trust she had in him. Because she thought he was good, she believed that he loved her and that he wouldn't be fooling around with others after all those kisses and secret talks on the river.

When she got to the door of her house, Y/N was trying to open it. But the key was on the other side.

"Can you hear me for a damn moment!?" Finn yelled, coming to her side. He took the sad girl by the arm and turned her around.

"Do not touch me! Don't ever touch me again in your fucking life, Finn Shelby!" she bellowed, tears spilling from her eyes.

"Okay." he quickly separated from her, releasing her “But you have to listen to me. I…She…” his voice trembled.

"Did you sleep with her, Finn?" Y/N whispered.

"No...I..." the boy nervously combed his hair as he looked at the floor, Y/N knew instantly that he was lying.

"You had sex with her?!" Y/N let out in a strangled cry, asking but claiming at the same time. Her angry eyes were focused on Finn's, who were scared "And don't lie to me, please don't lie to me."

"Yes."

Y/N’s throat went dry, while her heart kept on breaking.

"Since when?"

"Five months now."

"Oh..." Y/N let out bitterly, then laugh "You are so afraid of looking like your brothers that you forget a detail: You are them, you always were and always will be."

“Don't tell me that, Y/N. You can't tell me that…” Finn cried.

"Yes, I fuckin’ can. You could shag her, I can tell you the truth. I'm not lying to you, Finn. I never lied to you."

“Do you remember two weeks ago, on the river? You said…” Y/N interrupted him.

“I said how I felt, Finn. Now I feel so much, so much pain and hate that I wish I had never told you."

Finn's face was a complete puzzle.

The door slammed open, appearing Y/N's older brother.

"Bye, Finn."

She entered the house, and headed straight for her room, ignoring her brother's whispers about how she should never have gotten together with Shelby. That they do this, they do that.

“Y/N! I am talking to you!" Peter said, entering his little sister's room.

"Peter, stop it, ok?" exploded Y/N “I know I didn't have to hang out with the Shelby family. But you're also dating a stupid woman and nobody tells you anything! "

Peter backed away, shocked.

“No… Peter, sorry. Wendy is…"

“Save it, Y/N. I opened the door for you, so that Dad wouldn’t kill the Shelby himself. But first thing tomorrow morning, they want you down. Both of them."

And just like that, Peter left the room, leaving Y/N in a mess and crying.

#finn shelby #finn shelby imagine #arthur shelby imagine #arthur shelby #peaky fucking blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #joe cole #john shelby #john shelby imagine #polly gray #michael gray #alfie solomons #the peaky blinders #birmingham #luca changretta

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jamestrmtx · 4 years ago

Text

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 2 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

To those who read the previous chapter part before I fixed an issue with it:

I forgot to change the title from Chapter Eleven | Premonition to Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 1 of 2) when copy-pasting the header format, and didn't notice until an hour of posting.

Apologies for any confusion I might've caused with that!

• • •

"Cool braids," Jerry says, smiling at Frisk. "Did you make them yourself?"

The one questioned seems less than enthused by him, though there's no denying how their face lights up at the compliment. "Toriel made them for me," they sign, going back to their bored expression afterwards. Their attitude is distant and shows how they aren’t ready to confront the past yet. They stand up and look away from him, a frown etched deep in their expression all the while. "I have to finish my homework now."

"Bring it here." Jerry tries to be cheerful, but fails horribly, smile and tone both coming off forced and awkward as he tries to hype up the situation as best as he can. "I can help you!"

Though they try to hide it from everyone else in the room, Sans can see how Frisk rolls their eyes, pouts, and then mutters something under their breath. "It's fine. I don't need any help with what's left."

They almost mimic (Y/N) in character and tone, acting just as stern and cold, if not more with how hard it is for them to pretend the opposite.

"I'd still like to know how you're doing in school." Jerry's tone changes, paired up with his expression: eyebrows creased, eyes glaring, and smile gone. "You're... You're the only one left who can tell me how things are going lately, now that (Y/N) won't answer my messages anymore."

"Why don't you ask that guy, then? You're friends, as far as I know."

Their angry gaze points at Sans as they sign the words: "Why are you friends with him?" with the most annoyed gestures possible, and quick enough for Jerry not to notice what they're doing or saying. Then, they look at their father again, seemingly running thin and out of patience with the way they look at him, a look so frigid it could put an ice skating rink to shame. "You haven't answered my question yet."

"Believe me, Frisk." Jerry huffs. "I've tried, but he refuses to tell me anything -- says it's not in his place to tell me about you and all that stuff."

"Cool," is Frisk's only reaction as they spare a look at their surroundings. "It's better that way."

The child sighs and walks away, not once looking back -- and not even as their father calls out for them by their full name.

"Come back here," he demands, standing up and glaring at the hallway Frisk passes through. "Or I'll have to ask why you've got such awful manners today. What's (Y/N) been teaching you these days, huh? You've never been like this before!"

"People change," they snap, stopping for a second to look at him. "So…" Their voice trembles as they take a second to ball their hands and direct their angry look at the floor. "So stop blaming (mom/dad) for everything, if you really want to talk to me."

They're gone for good after that, giving Jerry no chance to talk or ask questions any longer.

He's left fuming, and when he catches Sans's gaze, his anger augments.

"What the hell have you taught Frisk since I was gone? They- They were never like this with me before!”

"Never?" Sans asks, facing up at Jerry when he joins his side. "Hadn't you seen them since last Christmas before today? Ten months are enough for someone to grow and change."

"That's still too big of a change." He scoffs. "Now tell me what you did -- I deserve that much, at least."

"Nothin'." He pauses, shrugging to ignore the glare Jerry continues to direct at him. "We've been here for only two months -- three, at most. You've been gone ten."

Appearing caught in a dead-end, he sees Jerry's eyes wander from Toriel preparing some documents and Papyrus helping her out, to the hallway Frisk had walked through, and -- finally -- to the kitchen, where the clinking of cutlery’s heard as (Y/N) sets up the dinner table, while Undyne keeps an eye out for the stove and Alphys holds out a fire extinguisher near the scene. Sans has a hunch as to what Jerry's planning simply by the dour look on his face alone, so he holds the man back by the arm, saying, "Don't bring 'em into this." He's faced with a sharper glare, though he doesn't brush his hand away. "The kid's mad at you by default. Nobody else's told 'em to treat you that way."

"And how would you know?" Jerry shoves him off. "You're just some guy with a crush on someone else's spouse!"

"Ex-spouse." Sans sneers. "They aren't tied to you anymore."

"But they still have a kid to be responsible for."

"So do you."

Jerry tries to say something back, yet he falls short and stutters before giving up. "I- I'm gonna go help them out, then."

He sees the man look back to the kitchen again, longing visible in his eyes.

"Knock yourself out, bud. Just don't go pressurin' 'em too much." The two spare a look at each other, a silent battle forming in Jerry's gaze while the monster remains stern but nonchalant. "You know what happened back at that bus. They need their time to rest."

A more empathic look softens up Jerry's visage as he nods, finally cracking a smile with it. "I know." He sighs. "But I have no clue how I didn't notice it was them you liked with how many damn comments there were about it on those videos."

"That's 'cuz we were barely gettin' to know each other back then." His confession's abrupt and appears to catch Jerry by surprise. "Wasn't until some time later that I realized what I was feelin' whenever they were around."

Jerry keeps quiet for what has to be a solid minute; it's a miracle based on how much he's wanted to communicate today, and in so short of a time. He sighs and his glare fades. A more serene look replaces his anger as he then relaxes his posture, completing a calmer self, much more refreshing to see in comparison to his previous attitude. "I promise I won't bother them too much today, but I still need to talk."

"Today only?" Sans remarks, quirking an eye socket. "So you're goin' back to zero after that?"

"Don't be stupid. I just mean I won't be as persistent today -- I know they need to rest."

The monster decides to let it go, aware he's going nowhere with how much more obstinate Jerry is.

He sees him enter the kitchen and immediately seek after their ex, an attitude that makes him appear similar to that of a rambunctious puppy still looking for attention even after being told to back off. Sans chuckles at that thought and shakes his head, surprising even himself with how much he's becoming concerned with matters that weren't exactly his own. It’s knowing (Y/N) was tied to the situation along with Frisk what makes him want to try and intervene a bit more, though he knows better than that, taking into account how strained his relationship with the both of them still is. It's a miracle he even managed to befriend Jerry with how obnoxious and insistent he could be at certain times -- even more than Sans was himself.

...Was that why (Y/N) hadn't outright rejected him yet?

Did he resemble Jerry in attitude, somewhat?

Sans brushes that thought aside and proceeds to walk off to the hallway; the faint sounds of someone crying are heard nearby, prompting him to search for who it is.

He passes by a bedroom, a mini office, then a bathroom, until reaching the middle of the hallway. The person's crying sounds louder when he reaches Toriel's bedroom, though based on how young the voice is and that Toriel's still working with some documents back in the living room, he discards her as a possibility. He hears a few sniffles before the crying controls itself a bit more, making it seem as if the one behind that door heard his footsteps and chose not to be found out. Still, they carry on crying after some time, sniffles changing into sobs and sobs changing into loud and shuddering hiccups.

"...Frisk?" he calls out, knocking on the door twice.

The crying stops almost abruptly.

"Who's there?" they ask.

Weren't this such a pressing situation, he wouldn't hesitate so much in responding as he usually did to that type of question. He sighs and rests a hand against the door, drumming his fingers until he replies with, "Sans."

"...Sans who?"

"Sans ta permission, je ne peux pas passer."

He can't avoid the chuckle that follows when he hears them huff -- dramatically so. Soft footsteps and a click are the two sounds that lead before the door opens, revealing a tired Frisk with puffy, red eyes and an equally reddish, runny nose. Their hair's a messy bob, and the hair ties and ribbons Toriel used to keep the braids in place are no longer being worn.

"What do you want?"

"I wanna talk."

"No."

They almost shut the door right on his face, though he backs away on time, and -- as if seeming to trigger an unlisted superpower in (Y/N) -- they appear behind him, nearly giving him a soul attack.

"What's wrong?" they ask, peering over his shoulder. It's an evident, purposeful act on their part to tease him further and pay back at him, as they're already aware of how far his crush on them's gone. Still, they know their personal space and step back after that, leading him to turn his back on the door and face them instead. "...Was that Frisk? Wh- Why are they crying? And why are their braids gone? I swear if Jerry did something I-"

"He didn't say anything about that," Sans intervenes, calming them down by pulling them along with him next to the door and lowering his voice for only them to hear. "He, uh... tried to talk with Frisk, but they're still angry at him -- understandably. But they still don't wanna talk about it."

"Let me try, then," they say, sighing. "I think it's about time they told me at least something about what's bothering them -- Not just hide away like this every chance they get."

"So they always do that?"

They nod. "Whenever I try to talk about Jerry, mostly.” A subtle scowl accompanies the frustration in their tone. “But when it's about them telling me what happened to them at the Underground, they ignore my question by doing pretty much anything else that doesn't have to do with that." A tremble shows in their body as they take a second to breathe. "But today needs to be a different story -- They can’t keep running from this."

"No!"

Sans sees (Y/N)'s patience fade from their eyes at that sound, somewhat muffled by the door, but still an evident shout from Frisk.

"Sans is friends with Jerry, and- And now you're talking with him like that means nothing to you!"

The human narrows their eyes at the door as they stand in front of it. "Sans and Jerry being friends has nothing to do with any of this." They huff. "Did you really think they would be enemies right from the start?"

"Yes! Just like how Prince Charmin Ultra Strong gets defeated by Shrenk!"

Surprisingly, they don't get any angrier and -- on the contrary -- smile at that comparison. They bite their lip to hold it back, though they still fail when they reply with, "Does that suggest Jerry's mom is gonna be a bigger villain later?"

Some silence passes. "I mean, yeah. Don't you remember how sad and angry she was when Jerry tried proposing again, but then you rejected him?"

At that, the monster's grin shows up and he finds himself blurting out, "He tried it again?"

"Yes." The moment they spare to answer his question ends as they look back at the door and say, "Of course, I remember, but you still shouldn't have those expectations, dear. This isn't a good versus evil situation -- There's a lot more to it than that." They bump their forehead against the door, seemingly giving up their strong and stern facade as they press their lips tight and try to suck up some sadness by sniffling and looking at the floor. "You- You must've realized that, too, right? Some of your new friends hurt you at one point, didn't they? And then you still try to defend me despite all the bad choices I've made in the past. I… I know Jerry screwed up-"

"-a lot," they interrupt, making (Y/N) sigh.

"-but that still doesn't mean you should compare like that."

"But what if he's a villain in my eyes, (mom/dad)?" they ask, though it's more of a statement than the former. "The only good thing he's done today is compliment my hair -- That's it! And I'm pretty sure you haven't even used any of that support money he gives you, so it's not like we really owe him anything, either."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm not dumb. That's the reason why you worked so much in the past, isn't it? You... You just sent that child support money back to him, and kept some only for emergencies."

"That-"

"You tell me not to see him as a bad guy, but you still do that by refusing any help and doing everything by yourself."

"That still doesn't mean you'll owe him any of those funds, dear. In the end, we chose to (have/adopt) you, so you'll never owe us any of that money we provide for raising you."

"So why did you reject his part of the responsibility, then?"

The kid could be a lawyer with how quickly that question corners (Y/N) in place. Their once firm, narrowed eyes turn wide and a guilty look makes their forehead wrinkle and mouth form a grimace. They don't say anything as they reach out for the doorknob and try to turn it around. "Open the door. We can't keep talking like this."

"Answer my question first," Frisk says, voice faltering midway. "Please?"

(Y/N) gives in with an exhale, chest shuddering in the process. "I…” They clench their hand and hesitate. “I didn't want to owe him anything." They rest their forehead against the door again, looking more defeated than before when they close their eyes and fight their frown away. "That's why."

Quiet remains after their response.

The door doesn't click or budge, signaling for the one waiting outside to give up for now. They walk back to the monster's side and sit on the floor; their gaze looks left and right, observing the hallway with a distinctive boredom only sadness can bring upon someone. They're almost a mirror of Frisk back when he caught the two of them dancing: knees pressed right to their chest as they hug themselves tight.

Though it takes him a while to do anything, Sans soon settles on the thought that doing something is much better than nothing right now, so he tries to accompany them by the floor. He sits next to them and offers a literal shoulder for them to lay on, the softness of his jacket helping numb the hardness of his bones. They rest their head there and close their eyes, breaths steadying the longer they stay that way. "You kinda smell like Old Spicy," they comment, chuckling. "Like my aunt's new boyfriend’s cologne." They sniff a few times and scooch a bit closer to his side. "...Sorry. That was weird."

He laughs. "Guess I'll have to try a different kind next ti-"

Click.

Followed by the door being unlocked is Frisk opening it and leaving the room. They then look at him and (Y/N) with the most appalled expression possible, similar to a scrungy cat. "You two are mushier than a bag of marshmallows left under the sun.”

Saying that, they turn around and take their leave, adding, “I’m gonna go talk with Jerry now,” before their other parent can say anything as an objection.

“Still not gonna call him dad?” they ask, though it comes off more teasing than demanding.

“Not until he earns it.” Frisk looks at the skeleton with sharp, judging eyes. “Because right now, even Skeletor’s brother is a better candidate for that.”

They’re gone in a flash after that comment, leaving Sans to process the heavy weight of those words and for the human next to him to stand up, gape, and look to where their child ran off to.

“W- Watch your words Frisk (L/N),” they shout at the empty hallway, voice masking their embarrassment by being loud. "You're on thin ice!"

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#sans x reader #undertale x reader #lgbt #lgbt themes #gender neutral reader #male reader #female reader #mother reader #father reader #parent reader #chubby reader #long fic #romcom #adventure #mystery #platonic relationships #slow burn

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myaekingheart · 3 years ago

Text

20 [Fanfic Writer] Questions Game

Thank you so much for tagging me, @lemony-snickers! This is tons of fun, I love answering these kinds of big questionnaires 😂💕 Also putting mine under a cut because there’s a lot of questions and I like to ramble.

Also gonna go ahead and just tag whoever wants to do this! 😅💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of August 27, 2021, I have a total of 77 works on my AO3!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Funny enough, I was just looking at this, specifically, earlier today and kind of laughing about it. Right now, my total word count across all my works is 1,148,941 😬

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Apparently 12, but some of them I don’t really consider “big” in my fandom repertoire. Naruto is my greatest fandom with a total of 60 fics so far, followed by The Chronicles of Narnia and Rise of the Guardians. The rest are ones I either did crossover fics with or just did one-off little pieces with--The Incredibles, Tangled, Brave, How to Train Your Dragon, Arthurian Mythology, Disney Princesses, Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms, Back to the Future, and Frozen.

4. What are your Top Five fics by kudos?

The Scarecrow and The Bell (Naruto) - 470 kudos The Day Kakashi’s Mask Slipped (Naruto) - 139 kudos Sunflowers (Naruto) - 92 kudos Sakumo the House Husband (Naruto) - 81 kudos Someone to Lean On (Naruto) - 67 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to respond to comments, because I like to acknowledge when people respond to my work. I cherish comments like nobody’s business, especially when they’re kind and reactionary. I just really love seeing/hearing what people think of the way a story is progressing, or what they thought of a one-shot. Comments keep me going especially when it comes to longfic so I want to be able to let readers know that I do in fact see their comments, that I’m acknowledging what they’re saying, and that I appreciate them. Plus, it can be kind of fun to tease upcoming events in a fic through responses to people’s comments, too. Because I’m mean.

6. What fic have you written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Hothouse (Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles; Jack Frost x Violet Parr; American Horror Story AU). This was the first multi-chaptered fic I ever wrote to completion and I honestly cringe when I remember it exists both because it’s so poorly organized (and full of nasty plot holes) and because I just went ham on the gore factor. It definitely has a really bittersweet and heartbreaking ending to it, too.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think I’ll definitely have to say Temptation. The story itself was kind of a ride, and it’s only the first installment in a series, but it follows the plot of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe but remixed due to the presence of an original character, but the ending is still roughly the same as the original: they defeat the evil, the Pevensies are all crowned kings and queens, happy days. Reading the last few paragraphs of the last chapter honestly still gets me all up in my feelings.

8. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I used to be more of a crossover writer due to one of my main ships being a crossover ship. They weren’t super crazy, though, because they were both CGI-animated films. The craziest crossover I’ve ever written is an in-progress/unfinished multichapter piece, Kakashi, Enchanted, that sees our favorite Copy Ninja get kamui’d into the Disney princess dimension and has to help the likes of Snow White, Cinderella, and Rapunzel on his journey to find a way back to his own world. It’s a super weird premise but definitely one of my more lighthearted works and fun to revisit when I need to decompress.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think I’ve ever received hate so much as I’ve received criticism. The closest I ever got to hate on a fic, I think, was someone left an overly personal and mentally disturbed comment on a chapter of my main fic that made me convinced they needed to seek therapy and deal with their own personal issues rather than take it out on a fanfic about animated ninjas.

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Maybe 👀 I’m super vanilla when it comes to smut, though. I think the wildest thing I’ve ever written in smut is breeding kink.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, and I hope I never will.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! I had someone ask to translate a one-shot of mine in Russian but I never got a response back when I laid out my terms and conditions.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! I used to do paragraph-style roleplay which was kind of like cowriting fanfiction but writing is so personal and sacred to me that I don’t know if I could ever actually cowrite a fic with someone. I like brainstorming with other people, but writing for me is more of a deeply personal and independent endeavour.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god, this is a tricky question because it depends on fandom. I absolutely love New Dream (Rapunzel x Eugene, Tangled) and have for the past ten years, and my love for them as only grown since watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure. I don’t write or even really read a ton of fanfiction for them, though. I’m also still highly dedicated to my favorite crossover crackship, Frostfield (Jack Frost x Violet Parr, Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles) and to this day, if you search for that ship on AO3, I am the sole provider of every single fic about them so far. I’m not as active with them as I used to be, but they got me through some really rough times back in the day and still mean so much to me. A lot of my favorite ships across fandoms, though, are honestly canon x OC ships of mine because I am a self-indulgent bitch who needs to project. So Peter Pevensie x Eilonwy (The Chronicles of Narnia) and Kakashi Hatake x Rei Natsuki (Naruto) are really important to me and I’ve poured so much of myself specifically into their stories. I think it’s safe to say Kakashi and Rei is my all-time favorite ship across all fandoms, though, just because of how much their story means to me. The Scarecrow and The Bell is my magnum opus, my pride and joy, and I’m sure it will be my biggest fandom footprint of my entire life. I’ve dedicated the past three years to this story and these characters and I intend to continue doing it until it no longer brings me joy (which I hope it always will). There’s just so much I could say about this story and Kakashi and Rei’s relationship but I don’t think we have enough time or space in this post for that 😅 Just know that they mean the world to me and I will always hold them in the highest regard as a beautifully messy, flawed, passionate, soulmate-y ship that I love with all of my heart 🥺

EDIT: I also feel obligated to tack on some of my absolute favorite Naruto ships because I may not have written for all of them (yet) but they still make me unbelievably happy or I find them really compelling and enjoy the idea of exploring them:

Naruhina is precious happy sunshine and The Last honestly felt like a wonderful Disney princess movie to me, it was so cute and the romance was so on-point, Naruhina just makes me so incredibly happy and I love them with all my heart.

MinaKushi also gets me all up in my feels and I adore them with every fiber of my being. Their romance also gave me Disney princess movie vibes which I love, their story is just so damn sweet as is their character dynamic and I am still so heartbroken that they never got to be a happy family with Naruto because you know what? It’s what they deserved!

SasuSaku is so compelling to me and I really feel like we were cheated out of seeing their relationship develop and evolve postwar in the same way The Last did for Naruhina. They’re my favorite angst ship and while I don’t think they were written that well in canon, I love the possibility and potential of them together and am excited to explore them more in-depth in my own writing.

NejiTen is just too cute, I really love the way Neji and Tenten’s personalities compliment each other? I don’t have much else to say about them except that I really love them together and think they have so much untapped potential that I also can’t wait to explore in more depth in my own writing.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Paper Hearts and Impromptu Bookmarks, probably. I love the premise of this story a lot and I have so many interesting ideas for it but at the same time, it also feels kind of cheap and cringey to me, in a way? It takes all of these ideas I probably would have had if I had been into Naruto when I was a kid and kind of compiles them all into one big story. Kakashi and Aiko’s relationship and story is still really important to me and I want to continue it someday but for right now, I just haven’t had the motivation or desire to write any more of it. I think I’m just so overwhelmingly preoccupied with writing Kakashi and Rei’s story that I can’t imagine writing any other Kakashi x OC fics right now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I want to say that I’m really good at capturing complex emotion? I don’t know, I write a lot of angst and mental upheaval in my fics which can be really difficult to try and capture, but I think I do a decent enough job of it? And just writing difficult subjects in general. I think it’s really important to address difficult topics such as mental illness and relationship difficulties and everything but I also want to try and write those topics in a way that is both authentic to the experience while also still tasteful. I don’t want to drive readers away with heavy subject matter but rather present a situation that feels real and authentic while also still being digestible. I may not be doing a very good job of that during the current arc of my fic that I’m working on, but I’m trying haha

EDIT 2: I also want to add onto this to say that I’m really proud of my organizational techniques for writing longfic. It’s not necessarily a strength in terms of the prose itself but it’s something that’s taken me years to really get a grasp on and find a method that works perfectly for me and so far, it’s been extremely helpful and beneficial to me. I don’t know where I would be now as a writer without these essential tools in my pocket.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I do a really bad job of the “show, don’t tell” thing. It can be really hard to balance descriptive prose with straightforward writing that moves things along. I don’t want to dwell on mental dialogue to the point where you lose track of what’s going on, but I also don’t want my stuff to read like “Character A did xyz. Character B said abc. They went to 123″, whatever. Another thing I struggle with is sentence variation. I always fall into the same patterns when I’m writing prose and I get really self-conscious about it because I don’t want to sound repetitive or disrupt the flow of the writing. One of my favorite things about prose is focusing on the cadence of the words, I think it’s one of the most beautiful things about writing in general, but it can just be really difficult to get a good grip on that. I’ve been told in the past that I apparently have a really good grasp/control of the language or whatever but sometimes I just find that really hard to believe when I look at my work with such scrutiny. I think one of my biggest pet peeves with my own writing, too, is feeling like I start all of my sentences the same five different ways. I’ll read other people’s works and they’ll write sentences like “Glass-blue water lapped against the shores of a deserted beach as a lonely woman gazed off into the distance” and I can just never figure out how to realistically write sentences that start like that in the context of my prose and it drives me fucking crazy, like I’m definitely jealous 😅

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never really thought much about it before, but I think there are pros and cons! For bilingual/multilingual readers, I think it can be a really enriching reading experience because they know what’s being said in both languages. For people who only know one language, however, unless a translation is provided, I feel like it can be really alienating. I think the best use of that for both worlds is using it as a means for miscommunication humor. Other than that, I think it can be a slippery slope that depends on what kind of reader you are and how it’s written.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Chronicles of Narnia! My very first fanfiction was a Narnia fanfic that I barely remember except that it laid the basis for Temptation and my Narnia fanfic series as a whole. I never posted this first iteration anyway, but I remember it was 2008/2009 and I wrote a solid 80 pages (which was wild for me at the time) and had gotten halfway through remixing the events of Prince Caspian when my computer crashed and I lost absolutely everything. I’m still heartbroken that it’s gone forever, not because I’d want to go back and read it necessarily (since I’m sure it was actually hot garbage) but at least for nostalgia’s sake. Either way, like I said, this long-lost fic laid the basis for the very first fanfiction I ever posted, the first published (and never finished) iteration of Temptation back in 2011 on deviantART and the since-defunct Figment. I fell out of the fandom around 2012/2013 and left the story alone for a while before ultimately deciding to completely redux and rewrite the story when the fixation swung back around again between 2016 and 2018.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Despite the fact that it’s still in-progress, definitely The Scarecrow and The Bell. This fic just genuinely means so damn much to me and I will cherish it for the rest of my life because of how much it’s given me, how much love and passion and time and even parts of myself that I have poured into this, and also just how expansive of a story this is. Not only does it touch on some very dark and heavy topics, but I’ve also created so much of my own characters and meta for this story that it’s almost an entire universe in and of itself. I’ve just contributed so much additional world-building and created so many new OCs to fill important roles in this story and in Rei’s life, and they’ve all become so deeply important to me as they’ve developed further over the years. I’ve come up with so many interesting ideas for everyone and their lives, which are all slowly becoming so rich and varied. Not to mention that it’s my most popular fic to date as well as my longest fic at 632k and counting. I’ve really just genuinely poured so much of my heart and soul into this story, it’s my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever done and I really mean it when I say that I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

#tag games #ramblings

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