#the fireflies doesn’t give a fuck about Ellie

[gottagobackintime]

Ellie is 14 years old. And while she's, in some ways, mature for her age, she should not be asked to sacrifice herself for the whole world. "She should have been given a choice and we all know she would have been fine with dying if that meant there is a cure." Absolutely not. You do not ask a 14 year old to make a choice like that. Hell, I'd argue that it's not even a choice. The fact that it's adults that would tell her that makes it even more messed up. These cool adults who are out there trying to save people tells you that you are special, that you're the key to save humanity. Of course you're going to listen to them. Especially if you've gone through the things Ellie's been through. If she as an adult wants to make that decision, sure. But not when she's a scared, vulnerable child.

Should Joel have told her that he killed all of them to save her? Probably. Then he could have explained that she's valuable, not because she's possibly the key to a cure. But because she's a human being that has feelings, that deserves to live. And you could argue as much as you want that she's old enough or mature enough to make that choice. But I don't agree. Yes, she seems to be like that, we see her being snarky and tough but the more Joel shows that he cares about her, the more she lets that mask slip. And she acts like a child would act with their parents.

If her only goal was to reach the fireflies so that she could give herself to them to do whatever with her so that they could find a cure. She wouldn't have been so angry/upset that Joel didn't want to take her, why would it matter who took her there? Because Joel cares about her, and having him let her go hurt her. She could have left Joel to die and gone to find Tommy so that he could take her, like Joel asked her to do. But she didn't because she cares about him. The way she clings to Joel when he finds her and he calls her baby girl should tell you that she isn't ready to make a decision on whether she should sacrifice herself or not. SHE IS A CHILD. And Joel allows her to be a child.

I honestly have no problem with him killing them all to save her. "He took the choice from her!" What choice? They didn't give her a choice, they didn't tell her what would happen to her. And do you really think that they would ever give her a choice. If she'd said no, do you actually believe that they would go "Ah, well. Nothing we can do then, off you go with your new dad. Bye!" Don't make me laugh. They would have just done what they did now. Sedate her and begun to harvest her for what they needed. That's not a choice. She NEVER had a choice, Joel didn't take the choice from her because it was never there. It would have been an illusion of choice. She's also traumatised, most recently from her run in with David. And you want her to make a literal life or death choice?? I completely understand why Joel decided to go on a killing spree, he's protecting a vulnerable traumatised CHILD from people who doesn't care about her, who just wants to use her body for spare parts.

It's not about choice or not having a choice, it's about being valued as a person and not having your life taken away from you by vultures.

[livingprophecy]

tired of pretending i think joel made the wrong decision at the end of tlou. was it selfish? yes. was it wrong? fuck no.

[pedrospatch]

the truth l a safe haven drabble

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: Tommy and Joel have a talk about you at the Tipsy Bison; Joel finally tells his brother the truth about what really happened with the Fireflies in Salt Lake City.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. spoiler ish for the beginning scene in tlou part II; slight deviation from the canon game plot to fit the series. reader is not in this scene, she is only mentioned. minor descriptions of canon violence, concerned Joel, kind of angsty.

word count: 2.2k

The next evening, Joel finds himself at The Tipsy Bison after dinnertime—he’d needed a drink, and a fucking stiff one at that.

Ellie had holed herself up in her bedroom for most of the day, and she’d refused to come out and eat. Joel had left a plate for her outside of her bedroom door, but he knew just how goddamn stubborn she could be when she was feeling upset. He knew that when he went back home, her food would still be sitting outside of her door, cold and untouched. 

Sarah often used to do the same thing to him whenever she’d had a bad day at school or was just in one of those moods. 

Between Ellie’s behavior and what had happened at the party the night before, Joel’s mind is all over the fucking place—he’s worried about Ellie, but now he’s worried about you too. 

He hadn’t seen you all day, not even in passing. 

For a while, Joel had contemplated going into the stables to seek you out after patrol duty, but he’d decided against it, knowing good and well that Tommy would probably be keeping tabs on him over the next few days to make sure he was steering clear of you.

“Here you go, Miller.” Seth places a glass in front of him, the bourbon on the rocks he’d ordered. “I made it a double. That look on your face tells me you could use it.”

“Thanks,” Joel mumbles, accepting it without protest. He notices Esther behind the counter, on the opposite end of the bar. For a minute, he’d worried that she would be the one to serve him, but thankfully, Seth had beat her to it. Not wanting the woman to get any ideas about coming over to talk to him, Joel grabs his drink and leaves the counter, making his way over towards a small, round wooden table nestled over in the furthest corner of the bar, away from other patrons. He sits down, his broad back facing the entire room—his way of telling people that he’s not seeking any kind of company tonight.

But one person hadn’t gotten the hint.

“Mind if I join you?” Tommy’s voice comes from behind him.

Joel shrugs his shoulders, but says nothing.

He walks around, dropping into the chair across from him. He offers a joking smile as he drawls, “Ain’t you at least gonna offer to go and get your sweet little baby brother a drink?” 

Joel glowers at him, completely unamused. What he wanted to do more than anything was give his sweet little baby brother a good knock upside the fucking head.

Tommy’s jeering smile fades and he sighs. “Look, Joel. I wanted to talk to you ‘bout last night—”

Joel cuts him off, his voice curt. “Relax. I ain’t even seen her since yesterday, alright?” He doesn’t even bother masking his bitterness. “Got your message ‘bout her real loud and fuckin’ clear, Tommy.”

“I’m just tryin’ to look out for you,” he states with a small shake of his head. “I don’t want you makin’ some stupid mistake that could get you in trouble, or worse, thrown out of this place.” He lets out another sigh and leans back into his chair. “But I’m sorry for bein’ such a dick ‘bout it, okay?”

Mulling over the apology, Joel gripps his glass tightly in his hand, and after a minute, he finally brings his dark eyes to meet those of his younger brother. He lifts his glass up to his lips, taking a long sip of liquor before asking, “What all do you know ‘bout her and Luke?”

Tommy glares at him. “Really? I just fuckin’ apologized to you, asshole. Don’t make me fuckin’ take it back.”

“Just tell me what you know.”

“Joel why the hell do you—”

“Tommy, just fuckin’ tell me,” he all but demands through gritted teeth. “What exactly do you know ‘bout her and Luke?”

Tommy’s expression suddenly shifts from annoyed to confused. Against his better judgment, he starts to explain everything to Joel. “We brought Luke and his two nieces to Jackson a few years ago, and she and her father came along not all too long after that. Her and her old man were both in pretty bad shape when they first got here, but she was worse off. We honestly didn’t think she was gonna make it—but Luke, he took care of her, nursed her back to good health.” He reaches up, raking one of his hands through his jet black curls as he shrugs his shoulders. “Guess sparks flew or somethin’ because within a couple months, those two were a serious item—a few weeks later, they were exchangin’ vows and rings at the altar of the commune’s old church with Maria as their witness.”

“They ever have any problems?”

He hesitates. “Well, when her dad got sick, it put a strain on their marriage for a while. She just had a lot of shit to deal with, y’know? Her dad wanted her to take his place as the community’s vet and it was a lot of pressure—havin’ to learn all she had to learn in so little time. All the while, the poor man’s fuckin’ dyin’ right before her very eyes. Can’t imagine what that kinda stress would do to a relationship.” He shrugs once again, crossing his arms over his chest. “It was real rough, but after her father died two summers ago, things changed for the better in a weird way. Luke stepped up. He was there for her and he supported her through it all, y’know? Her father’s death brought them closer together.”

Joel chooses his next words as carefully as possible, although there’s really no subtle way to ask his next question. “He ever mistreat her?”

Tommy’s eyes widen and he whips his head around, as if making sure that nobody was around to overhear the nature of the conversation. “Joel, why in the fuck are you askin’ me this?” he hisses through clenched teeth. Suddenly, a worried look flashes over his gaze and he asks, “Where is this even comin’ from? She say somethin’ to you last night?”

“No, she didn’t,” he admits. “But there’s just somethin’ ‘bout Luke that doesn’t sit right with me, Tommy. Somethin’ ‘bout those two, it just ain’t right. I can feel it.”

“What do you mean?”

Joel hesitates once more. “Somethin’ ‘bout the way she just changed around him. It was like someone flipped a fuckin’ light switch. One minute she’s smilin’ and she’s enjoyin’ herself—but as soon as Luke came around, her smile was gone, Tommy. She didn’t look all too happy to see him when he showed up. She looked real uncomfortable.”

His brother peers at him. He doesn’t seem angry or upset. If anything, Joel could detect something a little closer to empathy in his expression. “Did you ever stop and think for a second that maybe, just maybe, it’s your jealousy talkin’ and makin’ you see what you wanna see?”

Joel stares at him, unsure of how to respond.

Of course he was jealous of Luke, because he had you and Joel didn’t—but he wasn’t stupid, and he sure as hell wasn’t fucking blind.

He knows what he saw.

“If there was a problem with Luke, she would tell me,” Tommy assures him with confidence. “She’s close to me and she’s even closer to Maria. I know for a damn fact that if he wasn’t treatin’ her right, she would come to us right away. She would tell us if somethin’ bad was goin’ on at home. But as far as I know, those two are fine. They’re happy.” He pauses briefly, searching for words of comfort for his brother. “I’m real sorry, Joel. I can tell you really like her and I don’t blame you. She’s a beautiful woman. She’s also as sweet as can be, so kind even after all the shit she’s been through—people like her are rare in a world like this one. Any man can fall in love with someone like her real easy if he ain’t careful.”

Tommy expects Joel to deny any kind of feelings towards you—part of him hopes he will. Much to his surprise, and his dread, he doesn’t. Leave it to Joel to develop some kind of affection for the one person, the one goddamn person he couldn’t fucking have. Hell, Esther, along with several other of the single and available women in the town had their sights on Joel. He could have his pick of the litter—and he fucking had eyes for you. The one woman who was already taken. 

“She’s off limits, big brother.” Tommy’s voice is firm. “She’s happily married to Luke. I’m sorry.”

“If you say so,” Joel mutters, taking another long sip of his bourbon. He doesn’t believe that you’re fine, not for a single fucking second. You weren’t fine, and you sure as hell weren’t fucking happy.

“Hey, I saw Ellie at the party last night. She looked like she was havin’ a real good time,” Tommy offers a change of subject. He smiles at him. “Seems like she even made herself a new friend, too. You must be pretty happy ‘bout that.”

Joel snorts into his glass. “That was short lived.”

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout?”

“She’s been actin’ strange today,” Joel confesses, feeling a dull ache in his chest. “Ellie’s been locked in her room all goddamn day and refuses to come out and talk to me. Her survivor’s guilt is too much for her sometimes, Tommy. As much as I try to be there for her, I don’t always know what the hell to do or even say when it rears its ugly fuckin’ head.” He quickly swallows the emotional lump rising in his throat. “She was so happy last night. She was enjoyin’ that party like any normal kid her age would. But as soon as we made it back home, I just knew she was feelin’ so bad about havin’ fun. I could tell her guilt was eatin’ her up alive. S’almost like Ellie feels like she doesn’t deserve it.”

“It ain’t her fault they gave up on a cure, Joel.”

“That’s the thing. They didn’t.” Joel whispers, so softly that the younger Miller almost hadn’t heard it. His throat bobs harshly. If he crosses this line, there’s no going back. “There’s somethin’ that I gotta tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what happened,” Joel starts to say, a nervous edge to his tone. “I was s’pposed to take her to the Fireflies and then walk away.” He stops, looking down into the rich amber hues of his bourbon as he muses, “You go halfway across the country with someone—”

He trails off, shaking his head.

Tommy waits in silence for him to continue.

“Ellie needed her immunity to mean somethin’. It was her purpose, at least that’s how she felt.” Joel shrugs, fingers lightly tapping the sides of his glass. “Maybe I was startin’ to buy into that whole cure business. Maybe I just wanted to do right by her. I don’t know. Then we finally made it and we found the Fireflies. And because of Ellie, they were actually gonna make a cure.”

“Wait, what?” Tommy hisses in disbelief.

Meekly, he nods.

“The only catch was that it would kill her.”

“Jesus Christ, Joel,” Tommy murmurs. A sudden realization hits him and when he speaks again, his voice is strained. He knows where this is going. “What did you do?”

His reply is simple as he meets his gaze across the table.

 “I saved her.”

Joel takes a quick glance around, making sure that not a single soul is within earshot before he starts recounting the story of what had actually happened at the Firefly hospital in Salt Lake City. He spares no details, doesn’t try to sugarcoat how it had all gone down—he tells him the truth about how he had taken countless lives, including Marlene’s, in order to save Ellie. He confesses to mercilessly killing the one person who could have developed a cure and saved the world by putting a single bullet right through his skull.

“Goddamn,” Tommy utters quietly. “That’s—that is a lot. What does Ellie know?”

“I told her they just ran some tests on her.” Joel’s voice becomes thick with emotions as he admits, “I told her that her immunity meant nothin’ at all. I told her that there were dozens more like her.”

“And she believed you?”

“Didn’t say otherwise,” he replies. He sees it in his brother’s face— that he knows the real answer to that question, just like Joel does.

Tommy opens his mouth, then clamps it shut.

For once in his life, he’s at a complete loss for words.

“Listen, I know what kind of fuckin’ monster that you must think I am for what I did—”

“I don’t think that.” Tommy leans forward and he places his hand over Joel’s. “I get it, brother. Look I might know fatherhood yet—shit, my kid’s only the size of a fuckin’ peanut in my wife’s belly right now. But I get it, alright? If that would have been my child on that table in that operatin’ room, I would’ve made the same exact choice you did. I would have done whatever I had to in order to save my kid’s life.”

Joel’s eyes glisten with hot tears and he furiously blinks them back.

“I already lost one daughter, Tommy,” he chokes. “I wasn’t gonna lose another.”

Tommy firmly squeezes his hand. “I know, Joel.”

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” Joel says after a minute or two of silence. “Not even Maria.”

Tommy hesitates, not liking the idea of keeping yet another secret from his wife, but he agrees. “Alright.” He stands up from the table and nods over towards the door. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

[anyataylordelrey]

TLOU YAP

“But I don’t understand why Ellie was so annoyed with Joel when he literally saved her life out of love.” etc etc

Ellie wasn’t “annoyed.” She was broken, and devastated by what Joel did.

You gotta remember; this little girl watched her best friend get turned into a monster. And the very same virus that did that to Riley, spared Ellie.

It only spared Ellie. And it’s been killing the whole damn world for 20 years.

Can you even imagine, how that would make you feel? She was supposed to die with Riley. She was supposed to die, period. Or turn. Because everyone does

But she didn’t. And then, Marlene gave her hope that, maybe, there was a reason for that.

Maybe the weird twist of viral fate that saved her, could save everyone else.

She’s grown up in a shattered world. Born six years after society collapsed. It’s all she’s ever known. But she’s young (so terribly young) and we see that she carries hope. Hope that things can be better, again. That what she’s known isn’t all there is.

She’s literally surrounded by reminders that life wasn’t always like this. The world-that-was lies in ruins, but it’s still there. All around her. And she’s still enough of a kid to hold onto dreams. Hell, she wants to be an astronaut, for Chrissakes. Talk about an impossible thing to want to be, given her situation!

She can, maybe, make sure that no one has to die like Riley did. She can, maybe, give humanity a fighting chance to return to the stars. What she carries within her, the immunity it grants her, it would matter. It would mean something, that she (and only she) didn’t die when she should have.

She can save the world. For a fourteen year old hopeful dreamer, who still believes in superheroes, who is dealing with survivor’s guilt, who has in no way processed the trauma of her best friend (who she was in love with) dying, it’s a lot to hold onto.

Then, through the journey. Tess, bitten, dying. Trying to get Ellie to the Fireflies so they can turn her into a cure. Sam, bitten, turned. Killed by his brother to save Ellie’s life, before Henry turns that gun on himself. All the people she and Joel had to kill, to get to where they were going through this awful, bloody world. All the Infected she saw. Then, David. Would-be seducer of children, cannibal…..and his people’s best hope for survival. This fucked up world that made them rely on him. How easy it was to lose herself to the rage, when she took his life.

People she cared for died, to keep her alive. She feels like she owes them. But it’s more than that. So much loss and pain. If she can be turned into a cure then people like Tess, Sam, Riley, they would survive. They wouldn’t need to keep turning, dying. People like David, they would be in jail. Instead of free to pursue their own sick interests, in a world where nothing matters.

She can’t save them. But she owes it to them, to the trail of bodies she and Joel have left in their wake, to make it all mean something.

Before they go to the hospital, and Joel tells her they don’t need to if she doesn’t want to, she literally says “After all we’ve been through. After everything I’ve done. It can’t all be for nothing.”

That’s the heart of it. All this blood and sacrifice, it has to have meaning. Why so many have died while she’s survived, there has to be a reason.

She’s still waiting on her turn. For madness. For death. But it would be worth it, if her death could save others.

When she has her “confrontation” with joel in the second game she says “I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would have fucking mattered. But you took that from me.”

Every person who gets infected now, she feels like that’s on her. Because if Joel would have just let her die, they’d survive. Everyone who gets torn apart or murdered, she feels like that’s on her. Because if Joel had just let her die, the world would have a chance to be more than it is.

She’s stuck. Unable to be Infected like everyone else, but entirely unable to do anything about all their pain and suffering. Because Joel chose her life over the world.

She believes her life mattered, that she survived, solely to save others. It’s the only way she’s been able to deal with it being her and not Riley. She made it through, so that she could end up on that operating table.

She could handle it, when she could hold onto her purpose. Joel told her, basically, that she had no purpose. He didn’t mean to, but he made her survival….useless, as far as she was concerned.

More than that, he looked her in the eye and swore that there was no hope.

And there wasn’t. Not anymore. Because of her. Because Joel loved her, and couldn’t let her die.

Imagine carrying that. The guilt you’d feel. On top of the survivor’s guilt she was already only barely suppressing.

She wasn’t annoyed because he lied. She was absolutely devastated.

The way she sees it, he stole her purpose and made this entire broken world her fault. While making sure there was nothing she could do about it.

[absurdthirst]

Joel's Children {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 6.3k

Warnings: Unprotected sex, shower sex, vaginal sex, pregnancy, vomiting, angst, mentions of medical procedures, murder, Joel being ruthless for those he loves.

Comments: One night together in Jackson leads to the discovery that Joel is going to be a father again, right as he lets Ellie back into his heart. Only for that to be threatened when you all meet up with the Fireflies again.

A/N: Remember that ruthlessly sexy scene where Joel plows through the hospital determined to get to Ellie? Thots remember....It's us, we're thots.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

It’s been days, weeks, since you’ve been able to scrub yourself clean. The long walk across the midwest had proved difficult, tiring. Joel’s boots had given out near Cheyenne and it had been lucky that you had found a hardware store that had several rolls of duct tape. Apparently there hadn’t been enough people to loot through all the supplies in Wyoming. Or maybe you had just hit a small patch of luck on an otherwise unlucky journey. 

Now in Jackson, you are getting your first taste of civilization again. The steam is already curling up from the shower as you drop the dirty clothes on the ground. You’ll pick them up later, but you want to feel warm, clean. To watch the dirt and dried blood swirl down the drain while you wait to see if Joel will join you like he had promised he would. It wouldn’t be the first time he had pulled away from the attraction between you, but you hope that he comes.

Joel can’t hold back anymore. It’s been a stressful journey to try and get to Wyoming and he’s struggling to reconcile the fact that he has imagined his brother was in danger, possibly dead. He’s been frantic with worry, only to find out that he’s been living it up in a post-apocalyptic paradise with his wife. It kills him inside, knowing that he’s fought hard to make it to his brother, to save him, and he couldn’t communicate that he was safe the entire time. It makes him pent up and that’s what brings him to the shower where he can hear the water running. Stripping off methodically, he steps into the bathroom and moves behind you, your body tensing until he says “it’s me, baby.” You relax and his hands find your waist, pulling you back against him and he rests his head on yours, breathing you in for a moment.

“You came.” Closing your eyes, you shiver, the heat having nothing to do with the way your gooseflesh rises. The weight of his hand and the feeling of him touching you already has you on edge, needy. Joel sighs behind you and slowly you turn in his arms, sliding your hands up his arms to loop around his neck. “Do you want to get clean?” You offer, suddenly shy now that everything you want is right in the little 2x4 section of the shower. “Do you want me to wash you?” You know he’s fighting his emotions, despite trying to hide it. His eyes are more expressive than he would like and you’ve gotten good at reading him.  

He can’t say a word so he nods, not wanting to start spilling his guts about how much he fucking loves you and he doesn’t want to lose you. He’s lost too much, too many people. He’d die if he lost you. Ellie is better off without him, she needs to get to Colorado, to find the Fireflies. She doesn’t need him. You do. You’ve always been a little dependent on him and he likes that, feeling wanted and needed despite him not willing to give away his heart. It happened though, it’s yours even if you don’t know it. You grab the body wash and start to clean him off, his eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of your hands on his body, washing away the dirt but no one can wash away the sins that stain his skin. “Baby.” He murmurs after you wrap your fingers around his hardening cock, digits soapy and he can’t help the groan that escapes him. “You’re - you don’t - we don’t have to do that.” He tells you, knowing you must be tired.

“I’ve wanted to do this for nearly a thousand miles.” You laugh quietly, sure that it was around Lincoln where you had started falling in love with Joel Miller. Despite his angry and tough facade, you were and will always be grateful for him saving you in Kansas City, deciding to follow them out west when there was nothing left for you in the ruins of the cordyceps getting to the surface. You know he’s lost, you’ve seen it in his eyes and Ellie has spoken to you about a woman named Tess, but you want this, you want him. Slowly pumping his cock, you press your lips to his shoulder and then his collar bone, grazing his chin and finally pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I want you to fuck me, Joel.” 

He groans, soft and low, and reaches for you. His hands find your ass to pull you close while his lips press harder against yours. His grunt into your mouth is desperate and you eagerly open to allow his tongue to slide against yours. “Need you.” He confesses, hand sliding around your hip until he caresses the curls at the apex of your thighs, sliding lower until his calloused finger finds your clit.

It’s like a drug, hearing that he needs you. Him touching you. It’s more than you had ever imagined on those nights where you had to slip your hand into your pants in your sleeping bag. Or, Joel’s sleeping bag. Moaning softly, you are happy that you had already washed before he had joined you, wanting this time to be undeterred by the need to clean up. “Joel.” You whimper his name, clinging to him as he presses a finger past your clit and into your cunt. 

He loves hearing you whimper and he’s quick to add a second finger, pushing them inside of you and letting his palm push against your clit. “Goddamn. You’re - you’re tight.” He pants, your fingers squeezing his cock and he kisses your face wherever he can reach.

Closing your eyes, your hips rock forward and chase his fingers as he pulls them back. “Haven’t been f-fucked in a long time.” You pant quietly, continuing to pump his cock. “Please, oh god, it would feel so good to have you inside me.”

He nods, grabbing your wrist to pull your hand off of his cock. “Turn around.” He rasps and you follow his order. He presses you against the cold tile, helping you arch your back, and he grips his cock. Positioning himself at your entrance, he pushes inside of you. He’s not rough but he’s not soft either, his need for you making him desperate to have you.

“Joel!” You cry out, cheek pressed up against the wall and you clench down around him. “O-oh god. It’s so good. Fuck.” You whine when he grinds deep, loving how he feels like he’s in your guts.

He can’t stop himself from trying to get as deep as possible. Grinding into you like he’s trying to mold your bodies together. “Fuck baby. You- you feel like heaven.” He sighs, pressing his head against your neck.

Preening at his praise, you push back and groan his name when he reaches up and cups your tits. “Oh shit.” You whine softly. “Fuck me, Joel. I need you to make me cum.” Your hand slides off the tiles and you reach between your thighs to start rubbing your clit. 

He groans, not wanting you to be the reason you cum, so he knocks your hand away to replace it with his own. Rubbing your clit in harsh circles and he pushes deep, making your tits push against the cold tile. “So good.” He murmurs into your neck.

Your breathing and the quiet moans are all that can be heard in the small shower. The push of his hips against your ass is absorbed by the smack against the tile and you love how steady his rhythm follows his fingers. “Fuck Joel, fuck.” You pant, closing your eyes and enjoying the ride. You’re guess that he would be good at fucking was proving correct.

He needs you to cum, months of pent up tension between you has him on the edge and he needs you to cum first. “Cum for me baby. Cum for me sweet girl. Right now. You can do it. Just - just cum for me.” He pleads, pushing deep while he rubs your clit like it’s the last damn thing he will ever do.

Shuddering, your head tilts back and rests against his shoulder and you cry out silently. Walls clenching down around him as you soak him in a torrent of cum.

“Fuck.” Joel hisses through gritted teeth, glad that you’ve found your pleasure, and his hands grip your waist, keeping you pinned so he can push into you with a groan. “Fuck baby. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” His words are clipped until he groans out, biting down on your shoulder while his cock pulses inside of you. He knows he shouldn’t have cum but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to consume you, possess you, make you belong to him. He couldn’t have pulled out if he tried and his cum is hot as it paints your walls.

The warmth of his seed fills you and your eyes flutter closed, enjoying the feel of it. “Fuck.” You pant quietly. “I’m going to sleep good tonight.” Sex always helps you sleep and it was an orgasm that wasn’t by your own hand. The ache between your thighs is one that will linger. Turning your head, you kiss his jaw. “Good for you, baby?”

He hums, turning your head so he can properly kiss you. He wants to spend the night in bed with you, savor every second of this time together. “So good. Come on, let’s dry off and get into bed.” He orders, turning off the water and stepping out to find a towel to dry you with. Once you’re both dry, he guides you to the bed and pulls you close, lifting your leg over his hip so he can curl around you. “I can’t say it but I want you to know I mean it.” He murmurs, hoping you know what he means.

****

The next morning, Joel manages to slip out from your arms without waking you, getting dressed and making his way to the stables. He knows you wouldn’t stay here without him and he desperately wants to take you with him but he can’t be selfish. You’ll have a better life here. One he cannot provide and one he has not earned the place to enjoy. He doesn’t fit in here, Maria made that clear and it’s best if he just leaves.

Tommy coming up the stairs wakes you and your eyes flutter open, the small smile on your face disappearing when you find the bed beside you completely empty. “Fuck!” You hiss, jumping up to dress so you can find Joel and give him a piece of your mind.

Joel is saddling up the horse when Tommy and Ellie enter the stables, and you come storming in behind them, overtaking them. He barely turns towards you before your hand comes up to slap his cheek. Combined with the cold air, he hisses and feels his stomach twist at the hurt he sees in your eyes. He can’t say anything, knowing that he’s a bastard who left you in bed without saying goodbye.

“You fucking asshole!” You hiss, not caring about the audience behind you. Joel brought this on himself. “You were just gonna leave? Without even a goodbye or fuck you?” Angry tears pool in your eyes and you want to smack him again, but you don’t. Unbelievably hurt that he would allude to loving you and then slip from the bed like a thief in the night.

He deserves that but he knows you wouldn’t understand his reasoning. “I want you to stay here. I need to go. I- I want to give Ellie a choice.” He looks towards the teenager. “Do you want to go with Tommy or you wanna go with me?” He asks her and she shoves her pack at him, “let’s go.” Joel’s heart thumps and he looks towards you, “you wanna stay?” He asks, stomach twisting as he gives you the choice like he should have done this morning.

“You wanted to give Ellie a choice but didn’t afford me the same damn thing?” You shake your head and scowl at him. “Saddle another fucking horse.” You demand, not willing to stay behind while the two people you care about most leave. “No offense to your brother, Jackson seems lovely.” Your eyes flicker over to the brother and then back to Joel. “But I said I love you and I meant it. I’m going with you.”

Ellie’s eyes widen as she looks between you and Joel, surprised that he finally gave in to those puppy dog eyes he gives you when he thinks no one is looking. Joel nods, biting his lip to suppress the smile that appears on his face. Tommy nods, saddling another horse for you and he slaps his brother on the shoulder. “You’re welcome back here anytime.” Tommy says and Joel nods, helping Ellie up onto the horse before he walks over to you. “I wanted to keep you safe.” He murmurs, knowing it’s pointless now but he had good intentions.

“You have a fucked up way of going about it, Miller.” You huff, shaking your head but you can understand why he thought he was doing what was best. Reaching out, you caress the cheek you had slapped. “We’ll keep each other safe.” You murmur, looking over at Ellie. “All of us.” You care about the feisty girl and you know Joel must be as protective of her as he is.

****

Ellie has been quiet since what happened with David and Joel is concerned. He got up from his death bed to save you both, knowing that you and Ellie were in danger had him pushing through the pain. He has been trying to reconnect with you both since heading to Salt Lake City. “You feelin’ okay?” He asks when you stop yet again to throw up. Flu isn’t really a concern in the new world, there’s no virus that is worse than the one that ended the world but maybe you’ve picked something up.

Groaning, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and stand straight. “Yeah, fuck, I’m -“ you stop, feeling another wave of bile rise but you manage to suppress it. “I don’t know what’s going on.” Your hand presses against your stomach and you sigh as the nausea passes. “I’m okay.” You assure him with a weak smile.

Joel frowns, watching you, and he hands you the rag he has in his jean pocket. “Here, baby.” He says and hands it to you and that’s when you freeze. 

“Baby.” You murmur, trying to figure out when you last had your period. Joel tilts his head, watching you freeze and Ellie stands there, jaw dropping as she figures out what’s wrong with you.

“Holy shit, you’re pregnant!” She cries out, her eyes wide and for the first time in forever, a real smile breaks out across her face. Leaping forward to crowd you excitedly. “You have to be, you’re getting sick now, but you don’t have a fever. You guys totally fucked, and that’s how you make babies.” She teases. Your eyes dart over to Joel, trying to figure out how he is going to take the idea of you being pregnant

Joel’s stomach drops as Ellie is the one who puts it all together and he swears his heart is about to pound out of his chest. One time was all it took and you’re pregnant. A veritable death sentence in this new world, and it’s all his fault. “Shit.” He murmurs, blinking several times as he watches you absorb the news. “Are you- do you think-?” Joel stammers, unsure of what to say to you.

You frown, shaking your head. “No- I- I’m just sick.” You insist, not liking the panicked look on Joel’s face. It’s not like you’ve been together since that one time, there’s no privacy for it. One of you staying awake to keep watch at night. You look down at your stomach and shake your head. “No, that can’t be it.”

Joel has accepted that you are, knowing that you haven’t complained about how uncomfortable the me still cup is like Ellie has done since you left Tommy’s. He’s not stupid, he knows you’ve complained about your jeans being a little tighter and you certainly haven’t been indulging when all you have is what he can hunt or find. It kills him inside, hearing he’s gonna be a dad again and all he can do is think of when he found out about Sarah. He was so young then. He was shitting himself but that was with the comforts afforded to him then, things like formula and a crib. What the fuck would become of a child in this world? Would he be able to provide? His breathing gets short and his vision goes blurry as he starts to panic, his chest tightening.

“Joel?” Your eyes widen and you rush over to him. Touching his shoulder as he bends over at the waist. “Joel, it’s okay, I’m not- we can-“ you swallow harshly and you know that any words of comfort will be nothing but platitudes. There’s no reassurance in this world. “Just breathe.” 

Ellie walks up on his other side and pats his back awkwardly. “It’ll be alright. You aren’t that old. And she’s younger than you.”

The words sound muffled to Joel as his thoughts come hard and fast, imagining a world with a baby. Then he thinks about you as a mother, how good you’ve been with Ellie, and how you looked at the kids at Tommy’s, the longing in your eyes when you saw a family. He imagines you holding the baby, safe at Tommy’s, a proper home. A second chance. The thought makes his breathing slow and he closes his eyes when you rub his back. “I’m here, baby.” You promise and he stands up straight, dragging you into his chest to hold you, his face in your hair to breathe you in. 

“I’m sorry. So fuckin’ sorry, sweet girl. I- I did this and I- we are gonna get back to Tommy’s and you’re gonna be such a good mama.” He promises, cupping your cheeks so he can look into your eyes, silently letting you know that he’s all in.

You weren’t expecting that response and you immediately tear up. Choking out a sob as you try to nod in his hands and lean forward. Needing a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay. You know that this world is rough but you need Joel with you. Maybe this baby can have a life that is close to what used to be, Ellie giving the world a cure.

****

“Ellie!” Joel growls when Ellie lets the ladder clatter to the level above. “Goddamnit.” He growls and reaches for the ladder. “You can’t go up it.” Joel shakes his head at you as you step towards it, five months pregnant. You are showing and Joel spends each night just holding you, rubbing your belly. In awe of the baby growing inside of you.

You wait until Joel is up the ladder and chasing after Ellie, shouting her name before you slowly start to climb the ladder. Not willing to stay below if there is some kind of issue or danger. You don’t think there is, not with the way that Ellie had sounded right before she had taken off. Slowly making your way up, you groan when you manage to pull yourself up and start following after them. “Joel? Ellie?”

Joel looks at the giraffe, in awe of the gentle beast, and he looks around when you call his name, eyes wide. Joel holds his hand out towards you, unable to reprimand you for coming up the ladder when this was the view. “Come here.” Joel grabs a branch and hands it to Ellie before he hands another one to you.

“Oh my god.” You breathe out in wonder as Ellie steps forward with the leaves. You watch as the giraffe takes the offered food and the girl giggles. “Hey there.” Joel watches, a soft smile on his face as you step up beside Ellie to hand her the leaves. She’s enjoying herself and you won’t take that away from her, not when she’s been so locked inside her own head after the run in with David. “So fucking cool.” Both you and Joel look at each other, your love for the girl evident and you know that you want to go back to Jackson, make your little family safe, you, Joel, Ellie and the baby.

After admiring the giraffe, Joel helps you down and you’re moving through the city when Ellie mentions his scar. “I, uh, it was me. I’m the guy who missed.” He reveals, knowing he’s never spoken to you about this. This was his secret, the shame he carried since he failed. He was barely living after they stitched him back up. Physically he was recovering, emotionally, he was never the same. Until he met you and Ellie.

Your hand covers your stomach protectively, knowing that if he had succeeded, your baby wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be here, you would have died in Kansas City. Sighing softly, all you can do is watch as he takes the rifle off his shoulder and leans against an old concrete barrier, obviously wanting to get it off his chest. “There’s no story.” He tells you as Ellie sits beside him, you on his other side. “Sarah died and I couldn’t see the point anymore. Simple as that. And I wasn’t scared either. I was ready.” He looks off, not making eye contact with either of you and you know he’s reliving the past. “I couldn’t have been more ready. When I-“ he pauses, ducking his head down and looking back up. “When I….” He gestures towards his head with his fingers pointed like a gun and your heart breaks, imaging the pain he had been in. “-went to pull the trigger, I-I flinched.” He looks slightly shocked that he had. “Still don’t know why.” Tears slip down your face and you want to tell him that you know why he flinched, he wasn’t done living yet.

“Well I'm glad you didn’t do…that.” Ellie offers Joel with a small smile and Joel nods, “me too.” He sighs and looks over at you, his eyes dropping down to your stomach. Ellie bites her lip, “I guess time heals all wounds.” 

Joel shakes his head, his eyes meeting hers, “it wasn’t time that did it.” His eyes are watery and your heart breaks.

Reaching out, you brush his hair back and lean in, pressing your lips to his scar softly before you pull away. “I’m glad that you did heal.” You murmur softly.

Joel reaches for your hand, squeezing it, and he lets his face say what his mouth cannot. Knowing you’ll know what he means. “Come on.” He pats his knees and stands up, taking your hand to help you stand. “You know what I’m in the mood for? Some shitty puns.” He says and squeezes your hand as he looks at Ellie who is eagerly pulling the book from her backpack.

You watch as she opens the book and starts the read. “People are making jokes about the apocalypse like there’s no tomorrow.” Joel frowns slightly and Ellie grins. “Too soon?” She asks and he shakes his head, “no, it’s topical.” 

She laughs, “oh I love this one.” She bends down and then pops back up. “Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks. Why?” Joel doesn’t answer but he scratches his head. “‘Cause their meteor.” You groan alongside Joel. “Oh that’s terrible.”

“Zero out of ten.” Joel snorts, bringing your hand up to swing it between you. That’s when the grenade is thrown and Ellie shouts “Joel!” He spins, pushing you behind him to protect you and you’re both thrown back by the explosion. Joel shouts your name through the smoke and he’s trying to protect you and Ellie when the gun comes down on the back of his head and it all goes dark.

****

Groaning, you open your eyes slowly, lids fluttering and you wince at the pain in the back of your skull. “Easy.” Turning, you see a woman, darker skin with a sharp gaze about her. Eyeing you intensely and she seems relieved that you are awake. 

“Where-“ you croak, “Joel? Ellie.”

Marlene steps forward, holding a glass of water for you. “They’re fine. Ellie is being prepped for surgery and Joel is with her. My name is Marlene. I - Joel wanted me to be here when you woke up.” She says, offering you the cup of water after you sit up. Her eyes drop down to your bump and back to your face. “How- how far along are you?” She asks, stepping back once you have the glass of water.

“Around five months.” You take a sip of the water, relieved at the cool liquid as it goes down your throat. You wish that Joel was here, but being with Ellie is his priority. Just like she needs to be right now. You look back at Marlene. “It’s Joel’s.” You offer quietly, rubbing your stomach. “The baby.”

Marlene’s eyes widen slightly, having known that Joel did not like making connections and that’s possibly the biggest connection two humans could have. “Congratulations.” Marlene says, “I’ll go find Joel but in the meantime, I have a nurse who’s going to take some blood and she has vitamins to give you that you can take.” Marlene offers and you nod, grateful for the care. “I’ll go see how Ellie and Joel are getting along.” Marlene says and walks out of the room. 

“Do you think she will work?” Jackie, the nurse asks once she follows Marlene out of the room. 

“She’s our back up plan.” Marlene confirms and makes her way to Joel’s room. He wakes up just as she arrives and he winces as he tries to sit up.

“Welcome to the fireflies.” Marlene tells him, making him quickly roll over. “Easy. Ya got hit pretty hard.” Her hands are folded over her stomach and she smirks. “Patrol didn’t know who you were.” 

Joel groans quietly and looks over at her. “Where’s Ellie?” 

Marlene answers quickly. “She wasn’t hurt. Not even a scratch.” She sounds impressed, she is impressed. “She’s mostly worried about you.”

His head is throbbing and he sits up on the gurney. “Where is she?” He says your name, worried that he can’t see you either. 

“We lost half our crew crossing the country. I had five men whose only job was to protect me. I still almost got killed. How’d you do it? With a pregnant woman too?” Marlene snorts and Joel grips the side of the bed, shaking his head. 

“It was all her.” He says truthfully, knowing he couldn’t have made it without you. “Ellie fought like hell to get here.” 

Marlene shakes her head, “she would’ve been dead on day one. You are the one person I never wanted to be in debt to. But I owe you. We all owe you.” 

Joel shakes his head, “just take me to them. I need to see them.” 

Marlene stares at him for a moment, “I can’t. Ellie’s being prepped for surgery and-” She says your name, “she’s having her blood drawn for testing for the baby.” 

Joel frowns, “what surgery?” 

Marlene bites her lip, “our doctor, he thinks that the Cordyceps in Ellie has grown with her since birth-” Joel interrupts her, “why is she in surgery?” 

Marlene continues, “it produces a kind of chemical messenger. It makes normal Cordyceps thinks that she’s Cordyceps. It’s why she’s immune. He’s gonna remove it from her, multiply the cells in a lab, produce those chemical messengers, and then we can give it to everyone. He thinks it could be a cure, Joel. We think that it happened when her mother was bitten while Ellie was still attached to her umbilical cord. We - we want to see if it’s possible that we could recreate that in case-” 

Joel cuts her off, his jaw clenched, “in case what?” He is hearing that they want you to be bit after you give birth to his child. 

“A cure.” Marlene reminds him but he shakes his head, “Cordyceps grow inside the brain.” 

Marlene nods, “it does.” 

Joel shakes his head, “find someone else. Find anyone else. Not Ellie. Not the mother of my child.” He growls. 

“There is no one else. We didn’t tell them. We didn’t cause them any fear. Your child will be safe. We will make sure the mother is well looked after until she gives birth.” 

Joel shakes his head and stands up, “no. No, you take me to her. You take me to her right now!” He yells, desperate to see you, to save you and Ellie from this nightmare. The guard hits him in the stomach with the butt of his rifle and Joel falls down with a grunt.

“Please, you don’t understand.” Joel tries to reason with Marlene but she’s unsympathetic. 

“I do. I was there when she was born, Joel. I promised her mother I would save her child. I promised.” She pauses. “So I do understand. I’m the only one who understands. I’m sorry. I have no other choice.” She wants this to be over, for the world to go back to what it was and Ellie, and your baby might be the cure. She will sacrifice anyone for a cure. 

Joel looks up at her from the ground, worry and panic swirling in his gut. “I do.” He assures her, making Marlene realize she can’t leave Joel alive. 

She nods and speaks to the guards, “walk him out to the Highway, leave him there with his pack.” Her guards will know that she means for them to take him out of hearing range of the pediatric ward where you are being held and put a bullet in his brain. “Give him these.” She hands off the knife Ellie carried along with the necklace you wore and looks back at Joel. “If he tries anything, shoot him.”

Joel's heart pounds in his chest as he is led down the hall, his mind racing as he tries to figure out how he can save you and Ellie. His heart races and he imagines leaving you and his child, Ellie, here with the fireflies. He swallows harshly, stumbling and trying to slow down. "I didn't hear anyone say stop." The guard says when Joel looks at the sign, "which way?" He is pushed towards the stairwell and Joel imagines not being there for his children. He can't fail them. He can't fail you. 

"The fuck are you doin'? Keep walking." The firefly orders and Joel snaps, unable to let you and Ellie be the burden of this so-called cure. He can't lose anyone else. "I said keep-" Joel spins, elbowing the prick and grabbing his gun, making quick work of shooting them and he grabs the knife and necklace, determined to save his girls.

“Hello?” It’s been a long time since you’ve had a bed and the hospital gurney is actually comfortable. One of the ones obviously used in the labor and delivery ward and for a moment, you imagine actually being in a hospital for the birth. The nurse had told you that she would be right back, going to get Joel and you are starting to worry. There’s muffled sounds from the floors below, and you can’t quite make it out but it’s making you uneasy. “Anyone there?”

Joel is ferocious in his efforts to get to you and Ellie. He knows he has to get to Ellie first, stop the surgery, and he shoots down anyone that gets in his way. When he enters the operating room, he quickly shoots the doctor and the nurses scream, “unhook her. Move!” He demands and the nurses hands shake. “Cover her arm. Fast.” The nurse nods and covers her arm. “Turn around.” He demands and he carries her in his arms as he shouts your name, needing to find you.

“Joel?” You hold your stomach as you heft your weight off the gurney, hearing Joel scream your name. He sounds panicked, like he does when he’s lost sight of you or Ellie when there is danger nearby. That’s never a good sound to hear from Joel. “Joel! I’m here.” You shout back, slipping into your shoes so you can walk to the door of the room you are in.

He hears your voice and he’s relieved, eyes softening when he sees you, but yours widen when you see him carrying Ellie. “What -?” 

Joel shakes his head, “no time. We gotta go. Come on baby. Let’s go.” He demands and leads you towards the elevator.

You’ve learned that when Joel demands you move, you move. You don’t ask him again, instead you are right behind him, wondering what the hell is going on. You know how important this mission was to Ellie, to be able to ‘save the world’. So for Joel to be carrying her around in a surgical gown makes you wonder if the hospital is under attack. 

“What happened?” You ask and Joel can’t speak yet, too overwhelmed and relieved that you’re alive. That Ellie is okay. He looks at Ellie, knowing he’s messed up her plans for his own selfish desires but he couldn’t let her die for this. He sees the car and rushes forward until he hears Marlene. 

“You can’t keep them safe forever.” She says, aiming her gun towards him and he jerks his chin for you to get behind him. “No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up Joel. And then you’ll die, she’ll leave. Your kid will be left without a father. Then what? How long until your kids are torn apart by infected or murdered by raiders? Because they live in a broken world that you could have saved.” 

Joel stares at her, “maybe but it isn’t for you to decide.” 

Marlene shakes her head, “or you. Your children had the chance to save the world. If Ellie died…we had the baby. A chance to try again.” Marlene says and you gasp, hand lowering to your stomach, unsure of what she means but you know it’s bad. “So what would Ellie decide? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right.” Joel stares at the floor, unable to process this when Marlene says “and you know it. It’s not too late. Even now, even after what you’ve done. We have a second chance.” She looks towards you, “we can still find a way.” Joel looks down at Ellie before his eyes meet yours, knowing he couldn’t give this up. It’s his children. He couldn’t save Sarah but he can save Ellie, save you and his unborn child.

You watch Joel as he battles himself, looking down at Ellie and then over at you. You shake your head, knowing that anything that would lead to Ellie dying is not a choice you want to pick. His jaw ticks and he looks back at Marlene. Making you cry out in surprise when he pulls the trigger of the gun that he is holding under Ellie’s legs. “Get in the car.” Joel urges you as he turns and rushes towards the vehicle. 

Marlene groans as she curls into herself and he lays Ellie down on the backseat. He strides back over to Marlene, pulling his gun out, and he aims it at her, “you’ll just come after her.” He says and shots her in the head.

Swallowing harshly, you look back at Ellie laying across the seats. Whatever happened was bad. Joel connects the battery and slams the hood of the car shut, making you jump in surprise before he climbs behind the wheel and turns the key. “What happened?” You ask quietly, needing to know what is happening. From what you understood, Marlene was important to Ellie and it was her that had tasted Joel with bringing Joel here. 

Joel shakes his head, not able to talk about it just yet. He wants to get you out of here so he starts the car and makes his way out of the parking garage, eyes scanning for any more fireflies and he’s on edge. When he’s out on the highway and he reaches for your hand, lifting it to press a kiss to it. “Baby. Oh fuck. I- I thought I was gonna lose you all.”

You hear the way his voice shakes and you squeeze his hand. “You couldn’t lose us.” You promise him, even though you have no idea what was actually happening in that hospital. Craning your neck, you look back at Ellie, “we need to find her some clothes. For when she wakes up.” 

He nods, tears stinging in his eyes, “baby. She - she told me - Ellie’s mom was bitten before she was born. It’s why Ellie is immune and they - they wanted to take Ellie’s brain out to find a cure and if that failed, they were gonna use you - they wanted to use our baby as a second chance.” He chokes, a tear sliding down his cheek as he imagines being unable to help Ellie and you.

“Shit.” You hiss, furious that they had been so cruel. You would have never consented to hurting your child or allowing Ellie to be killed in hopes of a cure. “Then I’m glad you shot her.” You snort. “A bullet is too good for her. That’s unethical.”

Joel squeezes your hand, “and you would’ve been killed. I- fuck- I love you. I love you, baby.” He confesses for the first time, squeezing the steering wheel with his other hand as he makes his way to Tommy’s in hope of having a life with his family.

[annie-creates]

Finally home

Pairing: Abby Anderson x reader

Genre: fluff

Words: 1400

Note: So this is my 30th fic and it's also the first day of spring so I wanted to put out this little thing that's been living in my head rent free lately. It is far from the fandoms I normally write for but here we are. I'm warning you the events of the game are kinda swithed around to fit the story. I hope you'll like it anyway.

Life hasn’t been easy on you. From the moment your mother sent you to a Firefly base when you were still just a child, you had to fight and fend for yourself. Earning everything you had, contributing to be fed, helping to have a place to sleep, growing up has been tough. And still you could thank heavens you were placed with the Fireflies who protected you and took care of you in the apocalypse. You imagined the worst thing that could happen to someone was to be left alone. You had friends amongst the other children, adults who brought you up, and Abby.

Abby was never too close nor too far from you, having closer friends but always keeping an eye out for you. You were inseparable back in the Salt Lake City, and even when your group disbanded, you followed her anywhere she wanted to go, your next refuge being the WLFs. You never questioned her, never doubted her decisions. Not until she killed Joel Miller. You understood, Abby’s dad being the closest thing you had to your own, but even after she leveled the score, the hunger for revenge didn’t settle. The more ruthless she became the more you drifted apart.

All the tension or fondness was lost in the days and weeks she spent away hunting down members of Ellie’s group. If you were once friends, now you were hardly two people who used to know each other. Yet you never lost your hope in her, believing she’ll come to her senses and actually live her life focused on herself and not the blood of others. The rumors of Fireflies regrouping gave you hope. You’d finally find a home again together.

“Abby please, fuck this WLF shit and let’s just go back.” You reasoned with her, when you met by luck after another few months not hearing from each other.

“I still have shit to do here.” She argued unwavering in her stance.

“Like what? We both know Isaac’s plan is trash.” You furrowed your brows at her.

“Just because you’re not at the top of the game doesn’t mean everyone else is dumber than you Y/n.” She scoffed at you.

“Excuse me, I don’t give a shit what ranking he gave to anyone!” You folded you hands over your chest.

“Yeah yeah, just because you’re low. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t like being a commander.” She taunts you.

“Now you’re just being mean. You know I don’t give a fuck about that.” You weren’t going to let her off that easily this time.

“You’re just jealous. Go run back to the Fireflies where you’re cared for like the lost puppy you are and leave the real job to the big girls.” She levels you with a look of cruelty and disdain.

“Fine. But don’t run back to me when you get lost again.” Shaking your head you leave to pack your backpack so you can have a head start for when the WLF finds out you’re a traitor.

You didn’t give a shit anymore for any one of them, you didn’t want to join any petty fights for territory of supplies. You wanted to live as close to a normal person as anyone could and maybe, just maybe try and help save the world somehow, or make it just a little bit better. You couldn’t do that at the WLF, but with the Fireflies you could at least try. They weren’t saints, but in comparison to the WLF and Seraphites they were your safest option. Maybe it was finally time to let Abby go her way after the countless times you tried to save her from the fate she was choosing for herself.

As you’re packing to leave, you hear Abby in an argument with Mel. You didn’t want to eavesdrop, but you simply couldn’t help yourself. “You’re a piece of shit, Abby.” Is all you can make out before Mel slams the door and you leave in fear of being discovered watching their moment. You didn’t agree, but you couldn’t argue against it either. The more time passed on the more questionable choices Abby was making. The last thing you wanted to do was abandon Abby, yet that’s what she was continuously forcing you to do. Maybe you needed to listen to your own advice and start focusing on your own life instead of others.

While she runs off to do god knows what with god knows who, you travel to the Catalina Island alone. It was a loose thread, but it was still a better shot than nothing. Plus it wasn’t like you could turn back and crawl back to the WLF begging for their forgiveness, if there even was any WLF anymore. And to your luck, the Fireflies excitedly accept you back, happy to regain one of Anderson’s medical students you used to be back in Salt Lake City before your mission to save the population and find a cure went to trash. For months you watched out for any rumors of tracks of Abby but all the leads run cold. The group couldn’t contact her even when she made a contact with them some time after you joined, promising to arrive in a few days. But few days turned into months and Abby Anderson was considered lost and dead, even though no one talked about it or mentioned it.

Until you found her. She and one of the new boys she met, Lev, in a boat arrived at the island in a pitiful state of barely living. Being part of the medical team now, you treated their injuries and took care of nursing them back to health. While you left Lev to be watched over by the team, you couldn’t stand leaving Abby in such cold and unwelcoming place unknown to her. So you took her to rest in your own apartment not too far away, laying her down on your washed out pillows but in warm sheets and clean duvets none the less.

“Y/n.” She states with a horse voice she clearly hasn’t used for some time.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you now.” You assure her cleaning her bleeding wounds.

As she falls back into her delirious dreams you treat her injuries dressing them up in a clean white gauze, finding many new cuts and bruises, some of which you could hardly imagine what caused them. Even her face was littered with wounds deep enough to leave a nasty scar. She lost a noticeable amount of muscle and her once toned arms seemed weaker now cover in blood. Her dirty blonde hair you often braided for her were messily cut off too short and covered in layers of dirt and soil.

“Hey, you need to drink something.” You carefully wake her up to get her started back on some fluids as soon as possible.

“Hmh...” She clearly wanted to say something but she hardly had the energy to even stay conscious.

“Don’t, it’s gonna be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” You pacify her after you half force some water into her.

“Don’t leave!” She catches your arm weakly with the most scared and vulnerable look you’ve ever seen on her.

“I won’t.” you assure her as you lay down in bed next to her, careful not to touch any of her wounds to not cause her any more discomfort or pain.

“Just hold me.” Abby pleads with you, but she didn’t have to ask you twice.

“I’ve got you. You’ll be okay.” You comfort her as you stroke her short hair and hold her shivering shoulders. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“I’m sorry.” Abby whines halfway unconscious again.

“Don’t be. You’re home. You are cared for.” You whisper to her as you rock her weakened body back to sleep.

You give her a little kiss into the crown of her hair. She was still the most beautiful and precious thing to you, no matter her crimes and punishments. It will grow back eventually. Her injuries will heal, and all of this will become just a faded memory over time. You’ll help her fight off any scarecrows and demons of her past, in her dreams and in the reality. She was finally back, and you won’t ever let her leave again. You both already lost too much in your hunt for revenge and justice. You finally found your home.

[starogeorgina]

𝐑𝐮𝐧

Paring: Joel Miller × reader

Warnings: Swearing, smut, violence, age gap

Chapter: 1.01

You push the door to the bedroom where Joel was sleeping as quietly as you could, being careful not to startle him. Except Joel was still awake, sitting in the darkness on the edge of his bed, staring outside, watching the snow fall. You’d overhear Joel and Ellie arguing, ending with Joel saying some pretty harsh things to the younger girl. You cared for Ellie like an older sibling, and usually you would have ripped anyone to shreds for speaking to her that way, but you knew Joel would be regretting his words already.

“If you’ve come to-”

You cut Joel off before he had the chance to finish his sentence. “I’m not coming to cuss you out; I just wanted to see how you’re holding up.”

You could tell Joel was struggling after reuniting with her brother, Tommy; it also didn’t help that his new sister-in-law Maria, wasn’t a big fan of him.

You’re met with a frown when Joel turns back to look at you. Feeling self-conscious, you fold your arms. “What, why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look cold.”

“I’m fine,” you shrug. Since arriving at the community Maria brought you to, you have been provided food, clean clothing, and a house, which you are extremely grateful for. After showering, you changed into a pair of soft plaid shorts and a matching shirt. “I’m always warm.”

Joel shakes his head, not believing you, and says, “It’s freezing outside; there’s no way you can be warm.”

You sit down on the opposite side of the bed he’s sitting on, to which he says nothing. When you first met Joel, he hardly even acknowledged your presence, but some time between watching Henry kill himself and the three months it took you to travel to Wyoming, something changed. You'd become a lot more familiar with each other. He protected you and Ellie over everything else.

A comfortable silence passes until you lay back on the bed, and a small chuckle escapes Joel’s lips as he moves to lay down beside you. “Is this your subtle way of telling me to sleep on the couch or on the floor?”

“No,” you snort. “I will be sleeping—well, I will try to sleep beside Ellie, but I give it ten minutes before she starts moaning that I’m too warm, then I’ll end up on the floor.”

“You seriously can’t be…holy shit,” he says, placing his hand on your arm. “You’re like a furnace. I thought you were always giving Ellie extra clothing to be nice. I know to keep you near the cold.”

“So, where are we going next?”

“I thought you heard what I told Ellie.”

“I did,” you say, moving your head and resting it on his shoulder, “but I know you didn’t really mean it. Did you tell Tommy about her immunity?”

“Yes.”

Your jaw clenched. The fuck did he do that for? Keeping that secret was one of the only things that kept Ellie. “Fuck, if he tells Maria…”

“Hey, hey,” Joel says, feeling you tense beside him. He turns on his side so he’s facing you as he cups your face. “I promise you, my brother won’t say a thing. I told him so he could keep her safe.”

“And what about me? What poor soul have you decided to pawn me off on?”

He smiles and says, “Honestly, I’d choose myself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.”

You feign offense, and Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you in closer. He sighs. “I’ve grown accustomed to your company, but I know you won’t leave Ellie.”

Neither will you. If you had any money, you’d place a bet on Joel still leaving in the morning with you to help take Ellie to the Fireflies, but you keep this thought to yourself.

“I think I’m going to call it a night; I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You can sleep in this bed if you want,” Joel offers. “I won’t moan that you’re warm.”

“Okay,” you shrug.

It doesn’t take you long to get comfortable and start to drift off, but it doesn’t take you long to stir when you feel hot breath on the back of your neck. It felt nice having someone so close. Joel was rubbing circles on your thigh with his thumb.

You tilt your head back to look up at him and say, “Can't you sleep?”

“No.”

A feeling you can’t describe overcomes you, and you peck Joel on the lips.

“What was that for?”

“Thank you for always saving us.”

“Oh.”

You expect Joel to roll his eyes or tell you to go back to sleep, but he kisses you. Not a sweet peck; a real kiss on the lips.

A few seconds pass, then your lips clash together. The kiss quickly becomes more heated as Joel rolls on top of you. All the pent-up wants and needs come spilling out at once. The hand resting on your thigh slowly creeps up your stomach and rests right below your breast.

Your hand threads through his hair. Playfully nipping at his bottom lip before nodding and giving him the go-ahead to go further. His free hand rubs at your warm core over your shorts; he does this while squeezing your breast and peppering your neck in kisses.

“Oh fuck,” you moan before clasping a hand over your mouth.

“How long has it been?” He whispers.

“A while,” you blush.

“Okay,” he says, kissing you gently on the lips. “We’ll start off slow, and if you want to stop, we can.”

He takes your hand and guides it so you’re holding your shorts to the side, giving him access to your pussy. He spits on his fingers, then teases you by rubbing slow circles on your clit. Joel lets go of your breast and covers your mouth, saying, “You can’t make any loud noises.”

You nod.

He smirks while sliding a finger into you. “You’re so wet; do you think you could take another?”

You nod again. And do your best not to cry out when Joel scissors his fingers inside you while tapping his thumb against your clit, making you tighten around his digits. “Please, please, I want more.”

Not needing to be told twice, Joel withdraws his fingers, pulls down his pajama bottoms, and rubs the wetness on his hand along his hard cock. “What the lady wants,” he says, amused. He runs his cock over your slit, wetting it some more before placing the tip at your entrance. “Are you sure?”

He gives you an out, but you choose not to take it. He lowers his hand from your mouth so you can say, “Fuck, yes.”

“Atta girl,” he says, covering your mouth again, which surprisingly turns you on. “Sorry, baby, but I know you won’t stay quiet.”

He was right; when Joel thrusts inside you, moans spill from your lips. He replaces his hand with his mouth. You spend the next few hours having the most loving yet pleasurable sex of your life.

—

“It’s been a while since I had a woman sneak out on me.”

You get a fright and jump upon hearing Joel’s voice suddenly coming from the other side of the stable. You face him with a smile on your face. “I didn’t sneak out; I was just careful not to wake you.”

He leans against one of the wooden posts and says, “You look different. Your hair is different.”

“Maria cut it this morning.” Having hair that was easily maintained seemed more practical. You clear your throat. “So how long do you think it will take us to find the fireflies?”

“A four to five... How did you know I’d change my mind?”

You just smile while continuing to feed the beautiful horse in front of you an apple, while the other horse grazes on some hay.

Joel licks at his lips. “So last night was...”

“Unexpected,” you chuckle. “It was good; do you think we need to talk about it?”

“Well, that depends." He pauses briefly before continuing. “If it was just fun or if it meant something more, I care for you, but if you want to keep it casual or make it more serious, I’ll follow your lead.”

Hearing him say that was surprising, but the man had been hurt so many times that you could understand why he didn’t want to mess around. Spotting Ellie walking into the stable with Tommy, you don’t get a real chance to answer Joel without changing the subject. “Morning sunshine, sleep well?”

Ellie looks between you and Joel and says, “You both look like shit.”

Joel gives Ellie the choice of wanting to travel with his brother or him; of course, she chooses Joel. As you get ready to leave, you place your hand on Joel’s back and whisper, “Whatever this is, she can’t know anything about it.”

“Agreed.”

—

“Joel, Joel..." you gasp, with tears in your eyes. He and Ellie hadn’t noticed you were no longer running beside them.

It has taken you five days on horseback from Jackson to finally arrive at the University of Eastern Colorado to find no flies; they had either all died or moved on. Joel found a map that was pointing towards St. Mary's Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. But before you could try and scavenge the place for supplies, a group of raiders appeared, and all hell broke loose.

You’d tried to sneak out the back of the building, but one of the raiders grabbed your arm and was now holding a knife at your throat. The man’s blade nicks the side of your neck, causing the smallest amount of blood to spill from the nearly invisible cut, but before he can hurt you again, Joel tackles the man to the ground then snaps his neck.

You hold Ellie close and feel her shaking against you. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Joel!” She screams when more raiders start running in your direction. “Fuck! What do we do?”

“Get on the horse, now!”

When Ellie mounts the smaller horse, you turn to face Joel, who is pulling a knife from his stomach. He got stabbed, saving you. “Fuck!” You help him climb up onto the large horse, then sit behind him on it and say, “Don't you dare die; Ellie needs you; I need you!”

[dykenav]

Idk if anyone’s talked about this but I think part of the reason the story of The Last of Us is so compelling is because it isn’t just “father and daughter duo must survive against all odds”, it’s “traumatized man and teenage girl must choose to become father and daughter to each other to survive despite everything it is going to cost them.”

Like obviously there are many stories about survival, many stories about love, many stories about family, and even many stories about adoptive or chosen family. But I think its somewhat rare to find a story that is centered around the process of a single relationship falling into familial love, specifically parent/child love. Parental love is most often depicted and assumed to be automatic, biological and instinctual. It is not often depicted to be a choice. Similarly, a child’s love for a parent is often depicted as purely arising from selfish need rather than genuine connection.

And that’s not to say that Ellie and Joel’s love for each other is not selfish, needy, and instinctual - because it definitely has those elements - but it’s by no means obligatory. So many of us get raised by parents who we don’t feel like actually know or even like us, but still love us because we’re their children. And as children we might feel like we don’t really get our parents, but we still love them because they’re our parents. There’s no real intimacy.

It’s also not automatic. It takes time - first they resist each other, then they begrudgingly rely on each other, and then they have moments where they recognize parts of themselves in each other. Ellie being darkly fascinated and inspired by Joel’s violence and toughness because she longs to be able to protect herself like that. Joel being slowly thawed by Ellie’s feral joy and juvenile humor, reminding him of what it was like to be alive and excited by life, and being in immense pain at the realization of how much innocence she’s had to lose to survive because he’s lost so much of it in himself. There’s a deep understanding and intimacy that develops on both sides as a result, despite both of them being intimacy-phobic and horrible at talking about feelings. (There’s also of course the shared trauma, which aside from the strong bonds that creates in and of itself, at the very least gives them an excuse to have these moments of understanding without being overly mushy about it.)

The love that they feel for each other is also not just something that naturally develops - it emerges from a series of choices they make that have immense consequences. Joel making a promise to take Ellie to the fireflies for Tess as her dying wish, knowing he won’t back out because that promise is all he has left of her. Ellie shooting that guy to save Joel and Joel finishing the job so she doesn’t have to, leading to both of them opening up about the past violences they’ve committed. Joel giving Ellie a gun and teaching her how to shoot, in a way consenting to the loss of her innocence and knowing he won’t be able to stop himself from worrying about her nor will he be able to stop her from looking up to him. Her decision to bring up Sarah knowing it will hurt him, him hurting her in turn, almost leaving and then deciding to come back, to continue, knowing he’s way past the point of no return, that the doors of grief have been blown wide open and there’s no coming back from this. Ellie deciding to stay with him as he lays there dying, telling her to go, finding a fucking needle and thread to stitch him up with, having no idea what she’s doing, starving for food as she waits for him to get better, when it would have been so much safer to leave like he told her, going through all of that hell with David, Joel fighting for his life to get to her - every choice they make escalates them further and further into commitment and devotion. The consequences for that devotion get bigger and bigger, and yet they still choose it.

This of course culminates to Joel’s final choice at the end, which was not really a choice so much as the natural consequence of every other choice that led up to it. Not only the choices they made to keep each other alive, but also the choices that led to failures. Despite the fact that neither likely would have survived on their own, they’re also permanently changed by each other in ways that are not all positive. Joel knows that loving Ellie means running the risk of failing her, over and over again, just like he failed Sarah; and that to protect her means having to commit larger and larger acts of violence to keep her safe. Ellie knows that loving Joel means running the risk of being abandoned if he leaves or dies, and sticking with him means uncovering a violence in herself she will never be able to unsee. But they both still choose it anyway. They choose each other over and over again, without obligation, despite harrowing, soul-shattering, world-ending consequences. Is it healthy? Definitely not. But that’s what makes it so fucking powerful.

To see this level of insanity-fueling, logic-defying love depicted between a chosen parent/child relationship is extremely unconventional and incredibly alluring. I think it profoundly challenges the societal delusion that romantic love is stronger than anything else, while also challenging the supremacy of family defined by blood. It also shows that both the beautiful, healing, and dark, violence-ensuing sides of love do not emerge as part of some mysterious and random force, but rather results from the continual choice to save one another and be saved; to see one another and be seen; to know one another and be known.

[kreativewritin444]

not forbidden / j.m

 authors note// this show has had a grip on me & so have bella and pedro... so this could not not be done. enjoy my loves ( all work is mine, i dont own the show or characters tho)

warnings: age gap (reader is in their late 20s) , violence, death,

 summary: being involved with Marlene and the fireflies leads you to take Ellie with Joel…

 after being stuck with joel and tess, to protect ellie on this trip to get her to the other location. due to marlene getting shot, and now being with them things have been something...

   you were younger than joel and tess, but not a teen or anything. seeing how him and tess were towards each other you didn’t even bother trying. even though at any chance your gaze shifted onto the man near you. yet deciding to just prove yourself smart and worthy.

 after tess’s death it left the two of you with ellie, things have changed dramatically. you were protective of ellie in your own way, but being alone now with joel the atmosphere shifted. more for you since he was off standish.

   about a week of being out in the wild has gone by; a fire was going and ellie was snug in her sleeping bag asleep. as you watch her, the similarities of your younger sister, who was about her age when she died, and ellie we very much the same.

 gulping that thought down, your eyes shift and catches joel’s who eyes were already on you. clearing your throat, you sit up more.

 “get some rest, i’ll take first watch.”

 you hope he doesn’t argue with you since the idea of sleeping made you sick. shockingly he actually agrees, before heading over across ellie on the other side of the fire. you shift your gun before walking around slightly, checking the perimeter before getting comfy by a rock.

 hours pass and you strolled around atleast 6 times, until settling back in your spot. eyes shifting on joel who was facing toward you, he looks peaceful. not scowling or seeming stressed or tired, something you weren’t use to seeing.

 glancing over at ellie who was still in deep sleep, you bit your lip. thoughts creep in... your sister died almost a year ago, with you being the one to have to do it.

 you escaped FEDRA with lara, after your dad passed from one of the guards doing. being only about 17 and your sister was 13, you two found marlene about two weeks later.

 until then things were good; you two were together, fed and somewhat safe. you did runs with marlene but you made lara stay at base since it was too dangerous. till one day your sister who thought since she was getting older insisted on coming...

 “i told you no, i don’t give a fuck it’s already dangerous enough.” you glare at her, tired of her trying to be reckless. running your hand over your face in annoyance.

 “marlene said i can so i’m going. you cant treat me like a kid forever!” she yells at you, your eyes snapping in her direction furiously. stalking forward giving her a huge shove, she stumbles back in shock.

 “im your sister! i fuckin’ look out for you, so don’t you ever tell me what the fuck i cant do. until you stop acting like a child, i’ll keep treating you like one.” your anger was obvious but you try to retain it the best you can.

 her face matches yours, chest heaving with resentment. “i’m going.” she shoves you back softly, you giving a warning look.

 “if ya’ get in trouble don’t come screaming for me. i warned you once.” with that you grab you pack, stalking out the room. your eyes find marlene’s and anger courses through you.

 “if anything happens, i sw-”

 “she’ll be fine, she’s ready.” you scoff, ready your ass. “she’s fourteen!”

 “and you were only a few years older, if i remember correctly.” you glare at her, sighing in annoyance. “i swear marlene, anything.”

 -

  “y/n!” the violent scream echoes as you round the corner shooting the clicker in the back of the head, making it topple over on the side of lara.

 “lara!”

 rushing forward as she sobs reaching out to hold onto me, “it’s okay. it’s dead- it’s dead.” trying to reassure her, as you gently pull her up in your arms. eyes watering at the look on her face.

 “i-im so sorry.”

 you push her hair out of her face her face scrunches in pain. “ow.ow...” she moans out clawing towards her shoulder, as your eyes follow on the deep bite mark on her.

 your heart sinks, shaking your head in disbelief. this is your fault. this is all your fault.

 her eyes glance down at it before her lips start trembling, “i’m so sorry y/n/n...” shaking your head at her.

 “shhh... im so sorry i yelled at ya’ earlier. i should’ve never left you alone.” eyes water as you pull her in tighter, rocking back and forth anxiously.

 you should’ve never left her alone, your baby sister.

your responsibility.

 “please, pl-please don’t leave me alone.” her voice breaks and it hit you, the roundness of small baby fat still lingers on her filth cover cheeks. her small frame of being so young, so young...

 “no, no you’ll be just fine.” wiping her tears you pull her into your arms like a child, and she clings to you in pain. “it hurts so bad. y/n/n im so scared...”

-

 “no! no!” the voice pulls you out of your thoughts, joel sitting up gasping. true fear shown across his face, the way his hand shook as he brought it up over his face.

 his eyes roam around and catch yours, shuffling under his gaze. deciding to air out the silence, “i get ‘em too.”

you confess which didn’t help much. he nods keeping quiet before looking around.

 “how long was i out for?”

you hum softly, “only a few hours.”

 he nods stretching his body slightly, “here, i’ll take over. you go ahead.” you shake your head, “it’s okay. i can’t sleep tonight anyways.”

 he looks at you confuse, “i bet if ya’ try-.”

 “when you do this long enough, you’ll know when those nights come.” that’s all was said before you look away, focusing on the tree line.

  joel attempts small talk after 10 minutes which shocks you slightly, but the question made everything else disappear.

“you mentioned before you had a sister, is she back at fedra?”

 “uh, no sh- she’s dead.” you clear your throat, looking at his reaction. which was unreadable, “sorry to hear.”

 “same to you...” it was hesitant and small,  “i never got to say it, but im sorry about ya’ girlfriend. tess.” his eyes flicker over to you, he shakes his head.

 “she was my friend, not my girlfriend.” you give him a look but leave it at that. he looks like he wanted to say more, but as time pass you ended up falling asleep.

 with it cold out, joel places his bigger coat over you in attempt to keep you warm. he could tell there was a lot to you, been through some shit. he wanted to know what exactly.

- 

 you woke a little later, joel still on look out. ellie was still asleep, as you grab your pack and hand him his coat back. “thanks.”

a small smile toys your lips as he stares down at you with a nod.

 you walk off around some trees that were out of view. opening your bag, grabbing out another shirt. one you were able to wash in a creek a few days ago. dropping the bag onto the ground, tugging your shirt off.

 throwing it on top of your bag, leaning down grabbing the new shirt. flipping it from inside out before your name was called out.

 “y/n!?” joels voice rushes from the corner, you barely having the shirt on.

rushing to tug it down your eyes connect with a shocked pair. “What?”

 “i-i, my bad i thought-“

His eyes look elsewhere but he never leaves.

 “it’s fine.”

you shrug still a little shocked he caught you shirtless, but you lean down to get your bag. “it’s boobs.”

 he swallows thickly at your blunt answer, only being able to nod slowly. with a small smirk you walk past him, “we need to stock up again soon.”

He grumbles something under his breathe following behind you.

-

 “okay let’s clear through here.” joel stands in front of the door staring ellie in the eyes. “behind me, don’t touch nothin’ either.”

 you snicker slightly, “joel can you just go in?”

ellie gives him a pointed look as he just sighs. he swings the door open quietly, all of us fall into hush silence.

 his gun is held high as he steps inside, ellie following behind him. gripping your gun tightly as you step forward. making it further into the house with no sign of anything. joel looks back at us.

 “alright look for anything important and only of what ya’ can carry.” his eyes fall onto you and you know its because you had to unload your bag after the first raid. you stuffed everything you could find in it.

 walking down the hall you pass by a room. swinging the ajar door open, you scan the room. a crib with a few baby toys and stuff display all over the room, making you swallow.

 you look around finding two small blankets and some rags. deciding those would be useful in future times, you roll them up and shove them down inside the bag.

 the sound of footsteps makes your head lift up. they were coming from upstairs, you didn’t even think to check there.

 heading down the opposite side of the hallway, turning at the corner the stairs come into view. just before you reach them ellie comes out, “imma check upstairs, find anything yet?”

 “yeah a few things, i’m gonna check the garage.” you nod at her as you walk up the steps, wondering if joel found anything up here.

 not even hitting the top stairs, a yell rings out from downstairs follow by a loud thud. your eyes widen as you go to move back downstairs, but you halt at the sound of footsteps coming your direction.

 “scott?” the mans voice made you freeze as he comes into view. his eyes narrow onto your figure as you step down one of the steps cautiously.

“fuck!”

 another yell rings out before a gun shot, the man in front of you rushes forward. his body hits into yours making you slip and fall down the stairs. landing at the bottom with a harsh groan.

 your gun slide across the floor, unable to move for a second since the wind was knocked out of you. registering his footsteps coming down the steps, you push yourself up.

 struggling to move quickly to where your gun was, the man grabs a hold of your hair. “you’re a pretty one.”

 your elbow flies back into his ribs, him releasing you slightly. you move forward ignoring how it felt when some of your hair pulls out. “fuck you.”

 kicking his knee he stumbles, before spitting in your direction. your eyes flicker down the hall as another gun shot rang out. in a split second his left hand met your jaw, leaving you to stumble almost falling.

 your ear rang as your hand cups your cheek, blood lingers on your tongue. his hands are on you again scooping you up and tossing you onto the ground like a rag doll.

 wheezing as you scramble to move, but his foot connects with your stomach. you hunch into a ball as his knees drop on the ground beside you.

hands grabbing onto your arms holding them as he tries straddles you. your heart sank as he his free hand starts lifting your shirt, unable to breathe or get out of his grip.

a gun shot rings out and his blood splatters onto your face. his body lands halfway on you and the ground beside you as you struggle to inhale.

 joel throws him off of you, his harden expression drops at the sight of you. eye swollen, the side of your face bruised and bleeding. “y/n.”

 he lifts you into a hug feeling how your body was shaking. you grip onto him tightly as your eyes land on ellie, who is only staring at you in worry. your ribs ache horribly making you wonder if any of them are broken.

 “he-he t-” joel pulls back pushing my hair slightly out my face.

 “hey, it’s okay. he’s dead-he’s dead.” you nod slightly as his eyes connect with yours, him unable to know exactly how you feel.

“You’re safe.” He reassures and you stare down at your shaking hands.

 -

 you three made it to a small house that was checked by joel alone. him not wanting a repeat, trudging in slowly you take in the place, small but warm.

you felt how tired you were and how everything today took a toll.

 “there’s two beds.” ellie sings out almost as she comes back into the living room, your bag was now on the ground. your hands held a spot on your ribs as you nod.

 “go ahead and get some rest.” you motion to her to go grab one and she nods rushing off.

 “you should too get some rest, i’ll take watch.” you didn’t care to argue with him. you head in the back checking out what room, seeing ellie on a twin size bed and seeing there was a king.

 you turn back and into the living room where joel was checking his weapons. “can you check this out?” your voice was hoarse as you lift the side of your shirt up slightly.

 the red and purplish splotchy color kisses up and down the side of your ribs. joel’s shoulders felt heavier as he goes to speak, “definitely bruised, doesn’t look the best but it’ll heal.”

 you nod, “thanks.”

you walk past him grabbing your bag off the ground.

“there’s a huge bed in here, if you get tired... i stay on my side.” you offer out to him not really knowing what to expect.

his eyes linger on you for a moment, “thanks.” he clears his throat.

 pursing you lips you move forward, “goodnight joel.”

 “goodnight, darling.”

the nickname wasn’t unusual but it was rare. It felt like something shifted inside the two of you.

you drop your bag on the ground beside the bed, pulling out some of the band aids and the small mirror you found a few months back.

switching your flashlight on and setting it where it faces you. You analyze your face, a small cut was open on your cheek. sighing softly feeling everything replay back, your eyes start to water.

blinking rapidly so you wouldn’t cry, you grab one of the little cleansing wipes out the box of bandaids.

hissing in pain, you bite your lip as you clean it. opening the bandage and putting it on, you hear footsteps head towards the room.

joel walls in almost hesitantly as he notices what you were doing. “decide to rest after all?”

he lets out a breathe maybe one of a laugh, as he sets his stuff on the ground. “something like that.” he mutters.

you move your stuff over to the side of the bed scooting yourself over. shoving everything back in the box, leaning off the side of the bed to set it in your bag.

he sits on the edge of the bed. sitting back and laying your pillow down, he takes his shoes off. “are you...” he starts shifting himself to look at your sorta.

 “are you a virgin?”

the question was random to you, but not to joel. he saw what that guys intentions were for you when he was sliding your shirt up. he wanted to know if you ever lost it or that was something that he almost took.

 “i’m not try-”

 “no joel, i’ve had sex before.” your eyes narrow at him. he looks like his mind was racing but not in a sexual way. was this about earlier?

deciding to drop it he stands up, “you uh sure?” he motions to sleeping beside you, leaving you to nod in response.

 you honestly didn’t wanna be alone. “after earlier i don’t really wanna be alone.” the confession was nice because after earlier he didn’t want you out of his sight.

 your shiver as the blanket does nothing for the cold air. joel slips in beside you moving his pillow slightly, you turn the flashlight off. the moonlight shines through the window as joel shifts getting comfortable.

 you turn to face the wall as he faces you, another shiver runs down you. “here, i can’t deal with that all night.”

 he moves his arm around your waist, pulling you back slightly in his chest. his body heat hugs you making your eyes widen slightly. “oh.” was all you could say.

 “thanks.” you mumble actually enjoying how you felt wrapped up in his arms. you don’t know what exactly shifted between you two. maybe seeing how he was with ellie, or how you were slowly starting to care for him.

 his other arm lays out flat, “lift your head.” he mumbles out as you do what he says. feeling his arm slide under you, you lay down more in his embrace this time.

 “thank you joel, for saving me earlier.” your hand wraps around his forearm softly, he rest his head softly onto you.

 “i’d kill anyone who would try to hurt ya’.” he confessed and you went quiet. not knowing what to say you allow yourself to slowly drift to sleep.

-

the next few days were a little awkward. you two talked and what not but never mentioning that night. you were so close to where joel’s brother was suppose to be at.

 “alright let’s camp out here tonight. where about less than a day away.” joel looks around as ellie shrugs her bag off. 

 “fine by me.” she mutters and you look around. the sun was setting soon, “no one should be around this part, so we can build a fire right?”

 it was freezing and you hated the cold. joel nods, “well i’ll gather fire wood then.” you drop your bag on the ground beside ellie, stuffing your gun in your waist band.

 you walk around the woods, gathering a big pile of small sticks and a few leaves. joel gets them together and starts working on the fire.

 leaning down you shuffle through your bag, pulling out a few granola bars you found. you hold out one to ellie, “here.”

 she takes it reading what it says, “thanks.”

 you smile softly as you open yours up, “there we go!” ellie exclaims as the fire start. you sigh in relief pushing yourself up and over closer to the fire. ellie does the same, as you drop your bag on the ground. bending down you pull out your sleeping bag.

 laying it out, you sit down before looking over at joel. “here take this.” you hand over the last unopened one and he looks down at it.

 “haven’t seen these in years.”

 “good, enjoy.” you joke as you finish yours. the sun went down as you three talked softly, joking about a few things.

 eventually ellie passes out with her book and you glance over at joel.

“hey, i’ll take watch first. you did it last night.”

 he shakes his head, “it’s fine i got it.”

you give him a look.

 “we’ll both stay up then.”

you mutter standing up. he gives you a questioning look.

 “im going pee.”

with that you walk off in the dark. trying to see your way through. a few more feet you end up tripping over something, letting out a shriek as you fell.

 hitting the ground with a thud, you groan softly.

 “y/n!” joel yells from not too far behind. you lift yourself up seeing the big root you fell over.

 “i’m fine.”

 you call back but he appears in front of you, gun held tightly in his grip. he notices you on the ground, you giggle softly.

 “i fell.”

“jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” he glares at you, letting his arms fall from their stance.

 “that’s why you pay attention! your damn yelling is gonna cause infected to come crawling this way.” his voice was harsh, not as the tone before. you stand up, glaring back in his direction.

 “fuck off joel, i fell it’s not like i purposely tried to do that.” you step closer to him as you start to get angry.

  “you think they care when you get ambushed and bit, because you didn’t pay attention?” it’s like he’s trying to scold a child. or give a damn lecture.

“i already know, jesus your not my father and your not my boyfriend.”

the last part sent a feeling over joel who moves closer to you. “i can’t keep worry about you and Ellie, damn it.”

“never said you have too! Jesus, why do you care joel?” tired of him trying to argue.

 “because i care about you!” it slips and you feel yourself tense up.

  “no you don’t.” you mutter out, going to walk past him. giving up on your idea of peeing at the moment. joel says stuff but he doesn’t mean everything. besides this wouldn’t be what you wanted.

 you were younger, he made sure you knew with his constant scolding.

 his hand wraps around your bicep stopping you from leaving.

 “i-” you cut him off before he gets to speak.

 “look i don’t know what you want joel, but i’m not interested in having my emotions toyed with so j-”

 he cuts you off with his lips landing on yours, feeling his beard scratch against your bare face.

 his tongue licks across your lips, before your tongues touch. his hand slips up into your hair, the other around your waist pulling you closer. you pull away breathing heavily, eyes gazing in each other.

 everything was dark but the moon was full only letting you see the outline of each other.

 “i don’t wanna mess with you darling, i care about you y/n.”

 his hand comes up and under your jaw, his thumb rubs over your bottom lip. your stomach flutters as you push yourself up to kiss him again. this time he pushes you softly against the nearby tree.

 “oh gross.” ellie says from behind you two, waking up from the yelling she came to check out where you two went.

 “i thought someone was attacked, now i see it’s you two attacking each other.” she groans making you giggle softly into his chest.

 “oh god..” he mutters in your ear.

[3trnlsun]

-ˋˏ 𝐂𝐀𝐍’𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 ˎˊ

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐈 : 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓.

— pairing: ellie williams x black coded!reader

— story synopsis: after meeting joel and ellie in pure coincidence, you tag along with the pair, having nowhere else to go. ellie doesn’t seem too fond of you, but something about her dares you to see why.

— warnings: eighteen plus only content, tlou2 ellie, marijuana usage, mean!ellie, nicknames used: ‘babe’, ‘sweetheart’, etc. father figure!joel

THE COOLING WINTER BREEZE sent shivers down the girls back. holding the shooting rifle close as she shot down the deer, giving herself a mental pat on the back.

It’s almost been a whole week since she’d eaten, been even longer since she ate well. after a long journey of searching for the firefly’s, she had given up.. maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

While approaching the wounded deer, there were hushed noises and movements behind the girl, making her sharply turn around, seizing her gun.

“Make a fucking move I dare y’all.” her breathing was slow, controlled. eyes narrowed at the older looking man with his.. daughter? maybe?

The older man raises his hands, surrendering. the girl however smirks, reloading her gun.

“Ellie. drop it.” The guy calls to her, making her roll her eyes.

The girl… or well Ellie most likely didn’t take her seriously, I mean, she probably wouldn’t take herself seriously. She was covered in blood and scars all over her face, her clothes were beaten up and her curls were wrapped up in a low bun.

“Who are you two and what the hell do you want.” you inquire, your gun still in tact with your hands.

“Listen, we don’t want any trouble. We just heading on over to Jackson that’s all. We was making sure you wasn’t a hunter.” The man speaks, you hum in response.

“Well she sure does look like one..” Ellie murmurs under her breathe. She catches that and shoots right above Ellie’s head.

“Are you crazy or something, what the fuck?!?!” Ellie yells, unprepared for that action.

“Sorry.” A sarcastic smile falls from her lips, shrugging as she puts her gun down.

“I kinda like her.” The man whisper-yells to Ellie.

“Oh shut up, Joel.” Her eyes roll in disgust. So.. not father and daughter?

”Is it just the two of you..?” She asks, tucking her hands into the pockets of her big jacket.

“Is it just you?” Ellie interrogates, eyebrow raised and arms crossed.

Okay white girl.. she definitely isn’t too shy.

“Do you see anyone standing with me?” She asks, with just the right amount of annoyance, added with sass in her tone.

”Well I don’t know you, mystery girl. You could have a whole gang of people jus’ waitin’ to punk us.” Ellie scoffs.

Joel lightly hits her on her head, making her wince in pain.

“Sorry ‘bout her. Her manners aren’t the best.” He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Nah it’s ight, I can tell.” She says, looking her up and down.

“Do you have anywhere to go?” Joel asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Nah, just me. Some of my friends.. well. That ain’t important, just know it’s just me out here.” She shrugs nonchalantly.

“You could always join us, the town we going to ain’t that far away y’know?” Joel offers, a slight smile spreading across his face. You could tell he had good intentions.. Ellie on the other hand.. you couldn’t really tell.

“And how do I know I can trust you..?” You ask, testing them.

“You can’t, but if you wanna survive.. you’re gonna have to.” Joel concludes, hands in his pockets standing next to a smug Ellie.

“… Fine. But I’m calling dibs on my deer.”

“Oh trust, you won’t need it.”

“Hey hey hey, relax you might throw up if you keep eating that fast.” The woman whose name you’ve learned is, Maria chuckles, rubbing circles on her back.

Clearing her throat, Y/N speaks. “I’m sorry.. I haven’t eaten this well in.. god knows how long.” She nervously chuckles.

“Don’t worry ‘bout a thing hun, I’ll be back with some clothes for you in a minute.” She smiles, patting Y/N’s back.

Y/N stops to gulp down some water when she’s met with Ellie’s face. Eyebrows furrowed, lips upturned, and a total look of disgust colorizing her face.

“What?” She spat.

“You’re eating like a damn animal.” She scoffs, leaning back in her chair.

Gripping the butter knife in her hand, she waves it at the snarky girl in front of her. “Yeah? I can damn well show you one too, keep playin’ wit me.” She threatens, venom laced in her tone.

“Yeah? Try me, Y/N.” Ellie smirked, leaning forward. Green and brown eyes staring to one other with nothing but feral looks in their eyes.

Their stare off was cut off by Joel cutting in. “Ellie. Be nice, there was a time you were once like that, so don’t even.” he murmurs.

Maria returns with clothes, handing them to Y/N. “Here sweetie, these are for you. Once you’re all done, I’ll show you around to the showers so you can get comfortable.”

“Thank you, really.” Y/N smiles, for the first time in a while, it’s genuine.

“And these are our showers, so you can wash all that blood off okay? We also have some med kit’s in the room you’re staying in, so you can get those cuts taken care of!” Maria shoots you a sweet smile.

“Thanks Maria.” She nods.

“So… how did you get here?” Maria asks, making you shoot your head up, tilting it.

“I just.. well a kid like you all alone? It’s just a little strange is all..”

“Listen, if you worried about me bringing anyone along with me, I haven’t. No one I know is alive anymore.. that I know of at least.” Y/N sighs.

“Shit, I’m real sorry-“ Maria starts

“No need. I’m alright. Shit happens, just gotta keep moving forward is all.” She shrugs, small smile containing her lips.

Maria nods, letting the curly headed girl shower in peace.

It’s been a week.

A long, but better, week.

Ellie’s still a piece of shit but.. I guess it’s better than dealing with the infected.

The town was nice, the people even nicer.. all with the exception of Ellie. Maria was one of the few people that you did like. She showed you the training zone, which is where you spent half of your time.

The other half was spent with Jesse. You thought he was fun to hang around so the two of you got closer than ever. Though, the two of you have made it clear that there are no romantic feelings for one another, because of your sexual orientation, and he respected that.

Weird enough.. every time you were with Jesse, Ellie always gave you the weirdest looks.

Like today, Jesse got back from patrol with a scraped up knee. And being his best friend, you tended it for him.

What you didn’t see was Ellie standing there, watching you patch him up and laugh and joke with him. Though she didn’t like you, she didn’t like you.. with him.

Once you were all done you patted his now bandaged up knee, smiling to him, letting him know that he should take care of it frequently so it won’t get infected.

“Hey stranger.” You hear right next to you as you close the door, jumping and grabbing your chest.

“Yo. Ellie do not do that shit bro.” You exhale, releasing the grip on your chest and looking her up and down. “What you want?” You ask.

“So what’s going on with you and Jesse?” she throws at you, making you blink rapidly at her before bursting into laughter, leaving her confused.

“Dude, what?? What’s it to you?” You calm your laughter down a bit, wiping away tears that escaped.

“I don’t know what’s so funny. I mean.. y’know him and Dina JUST broke it off right?” She scoffs, looking you up and down.

“Listen dude, it aint like that. Ion even swing that way man, I thought that shit was mad obvious you damn dickhead.” Y/N gives her a “the fuck?” look, leaving Ellie dumbfounded as she walks off.

“OKAY WELL MY BAD! I GUESS..?” Ellie yells, watching you walk off.

“WHATEVER.” Y/N yells back. “God.. you’re the worst, Ellie Williams.”

©𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦.

[cowgurrrl]

Everything Leads to You

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (plus platonic fem!reader x Ellie Williams)

Summary: Who says grief and braiding hair can’t go together? [2.1k]

Author’s note: I’m not a fic writer but this was really fun to write and I thought other people might like to read it!

Warnings: grumpy Joel (what’s new), mentions of Tess, brief canonical type violence, ellie not knowing about restaurants, grief, lmk if I missed anything!!

“How do you do that?” Ellie asks as she sits across from you, still wrapped in her sleeping bag. You furrow your brows as you pull the hair tight to make sure that it won’t fall. 

“Nobody ever taught you how to braid hair?”

“I must’ve missed that lesson in FEDRA school. Maybe it was between learning to fucking kill Fireflies and running drills.” She snarks, and you roll your eyes. There’s no heat behind it, and she seems to know. 

Ellie has stuck close to your side since you left Boston, asking questions as you trekked to Bill and Frank’s. Joel is on edge. He hasn’t said much to you since you lost Tess, but you hear him mumbling and turning restlessly in his sleep. His shoulders are always square and tense, and he jumps at the slightest noise. You wish he would just fucking say something so you could talk about what happened. You may not have known her for as long as he did, but you still loved her. You lost her, too. 

“I can teach you if you want. It’s not hard.” You offer, and her eyes light up. 

“Really?” She asks. You nod and shake the braid out to start over. The fallen tree you're sitting on wiggles at the motion but doesn’t move more than that.

“C’mere,” You say. Ellie shuffles over as Joel turns from where he’s packing his things to give you a look. “What? I’m teaching her how to braid hair, not make a fucking shiv.”

“That’d probably be more worthwhile.” He grumbles. 

“It’ll take five minutes,” You say. He sighs and stands, wiping his hands on his jeans. 

“I’m going for a walk.”

“Aye, aye, Captain No Fun.” Ellie salutes. You can feel Joel’s eye roll before actually seeing it, and you can’t hide the smirk as he walks away, mumbling something under his breath. Ellie turns her full attention to you as you show her how to divide and pull the hair to make a tight braid. 

“You don’t want any hair to fall out because an Infected could grab it and use it as leverage,” you tell her as you redo your hair. She nods and watches your movements closely, trying to memorize the sequence. When you're done and your hair is tied off, you let her show you what she learned and watch as she tries (and fails) to braid her hair. She got so frustrated that you thought she was going to tear the hair out of her head. 

“You said this wasn’t gonna be hard!”

“It takes practice. C’mere, I’ll do it for you.” You say as you open your legs for her to sit between. Ellie settles in front of you, her knees pulled to her chest, as you brush your fingers through her waves. You secretly wish you had a real hairbrush, but do your best to be gentle as you tease days-old tangles out. 

“Has he always been so grumpy?” She asks.

“Probably not, but I can’t be sure. He won’t say it, but he’s going through a lot. We both are. It’s not an excuse, but it is a reason.” You say, pulling a burr from her thick hair. How did she not feel that?

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“Were Joel and Tess, like, a thing?” She asks, and you sigh. You’re asking the question of the century, kid, you think to yourself. 

“I know they were like family to each other, but I don’t know anything beyond that. They were already partners when I came to Boston and weren’t too keen on labels.”

“You didn’t know them from before?”

“Nope. Tess was in Detroit, Joel was in Texas, and I was in my hometown. Somehow, we all ended up in the same place and started working together.” 

“Why did you come to Boston?” She asks. You take a deep breath as memories shutter through your brain like frames from a movie—the fear and confusion of Outbreak Day. Running north like your lives depended on it because they did. The nights spent smuggling and raiding any medicine cabinet you could find looking for a miracle. That last day full of smoke and blood and screams. You shake your head to relieve the sudden pressure building behind your eyes. Thank God she’s not facing you. 

“That… is a long, long story for another time.” Seems to be enough of an answer for now. She doesn’t push the subject further as you section her tangle-free hair into threes. 

“What did you do before the Outbreak? Like for work.”

“Guess.” 

“Probably something super badass like a fighter pilot or a sharpshooter.” She says, and you laugh— really laugh— for the first time since Tess died. Believing in any sort of afterlife is a slippery slope when death is always at your door, but you hope she can hear your laughter from wherever she is. You hope she knows you're doing your best to keep your promise. You hope she knows how much you miss her. 

“Close. I was a waiter.”

“What’s a waiter?” She asks. It’s weird to think she’s probably never been in a restaurant before, let alone know how they work.

“Waiters were people who worked in restaurants which were like big rooms where people would all eat together, and we had to give people their food and drinks and whatever else they wanted. If you did a good job, customers would leave money, and that’s how you got paid.” You explain, and she turns to look at you, her eyebrows knitted together. 

“The people who owned the restaurant didn’t pay you?”

“Well, they did, but not very much. I think I was getting paid two dollars an hour at my last job.” 

“Two dollars? That’s fucking ridiculous!” She practically yells, and you nod, a smile pulling at your lips. You want to tell her everything about before just to see her reaction. 

“It was fucking ridiculous. Now, turn back around so I can finish your hair.” You push her with your shins, and she turns around, still mumbling about two dollars. She gets quiet as you keep braiding. 

It’s weirdly relaxing, only to have to worry about her hair. Wind rustles the leaves around us as birds chirp above you. The air is cool, and the morning sun shines against her dark hair. It’s almost peaceful. You tie off her hair and smile when she takes the braid between her fingers and traces the crosses. She smiles back as she turns to face you, turning pensive at an alarmingly fast rate. 

“Do you think Joel blames me for Tess?” She asks, her eyes dropping to her hands before she can even finish her thought. As if she’s waiting for you to give her the answer she’s been afraid of since you left Boston. She looks so small and fragile. Like the wind could blow too hard, and it would knock her over.

“I think he blames himself. They protected each other for a long time from everything, and even if that didn’t always work out, they found a way to fix it. Her getting infected was the one thing he couldn’t fix, and I think that’s killing him,” You say, trying to keep your voice steady despite the tears threatening your lash line. This kid has a talent for making you cry. “What happened to Tess is nobody’s fault except the stupid fucker that bit her. She made a choice because she knew we wouldn’t be able to do what she wanted us to do, and we have to be okay with that. She would want us to be okay with that even if it’s gonna take some time.” She opens her mouth to say something more, but Joel coming back into the clearing cuts her off. 

“You two wanna paint each other’s nails while we’re here too, or can we start walking?” He asks as he pulls on his backpack. You and Ellie stand, wiping the dirt from your clothes, and walk over to him. 

“Knowing how to keep your hair out of your face could be the difference between life and death, Miller. I’m teaching valuable survival skills here.” 

“Mhm,” He hums, unconvinced. He looks at Ellie as she pulls her jacket on. “We’re gonna go check something out real quick. Be ready to go by the time we get back.” He doesn’t even wait for her to respond before he turns and starts up the path he came from. You sigh in annoyance but follow him anyway. You walk down to the river bank far enough out of Ellie’s earshot before he finally looks you in the eyes for the first time in three days.

“You know we have to take her to the Fireflies, right?” He questions, crossing his arms over his chest. You scoff and glance up to where you left Ellie. 

“Yes, Joel. I understand why we’re traveling across the country with a teenager.” 

“Good. Now, stop getting attached before you get hurt.” He says, and you balk at him. 

“Are you really that pissed I taught her how to braid her fucking hair?” 

“It ain’t about her hair.”

“Then, what is it about? “

“She’s a job. Something we need to deliver so we can move on with our lives.”

“She’s a kid. A scared kid at that, and you’re not making her feel better.”

“Oh, give me a fuckin’ break.” He groans as he walks away from you to pace, his hands on his hips. You cross your arms over your chest and tilt your head back to look at the puffy clouds. You're mostly trying to find the strength to put up his bullshit, but the view is nice, too. It’s silent as you think, the waves lapping at the rocks, the only sound around us. 

“I know you miss her-“

“Don’t.” He whips around to face you. His eyes are heavy and unreadable, the irises almost black. You wonder how long it’s been since he’s gotten actual restful sleep. The answer could range anywhere from three days to twenty years. You almost want to ask. You almost want to reach for his broken hand and tell him it’s okay. You almost want to wrap your arms around him and just hold him. Almost. You shake the buzzing ache for his skin out of your hand and focus.

“I miss her, too, but we both know she saw Ellie as way more than a job. She wouldn’t have done what she did if she thought differently,” You wait for him to get angry and lash out, but he just stands there, staring through you. “Taking care of her or, at least, treating her like a fucking human being is what Tess would’ve wanted. So, that’s what I’m doing. You can keep doing your stoic, pissy thing if that’s what you want, but you don’t get to control what I do, especially when it comes to her.” He grinds his teeth together for a couple of seconds while he thinks. A red bird swoops down and lands on a fallen tree branch not far and sings at us before flitting away. You had always heard that red birds like that were our dead loved ones coming to remind us they were not far away. You never really believed that, and you still don’t know if I do, but the memory pierces your brain with newfound importance. 

When your eyes meet Joel’s again, something has shifted. It’s slight and minuscule, but you recognize it from his arguments with Tess. He’s yielding without words. He’s trusting you. Your body relaxes, and he nods. The whole exchange lasted no more than five seconds but felt like an hour. 

"We can make it to Bill and Frank's today if we start moving now." He says as he walks past you, acting like your conversation didn't happen. You take a deep breath before silently following him. If he heard that stupid bird chirping at you again, he didn't say anything. In the same way, you don't tell him if you saw the stack of rocks on the shoreline.

*TUMBLR STOP DELETING MY LAST PARAGRAPH*

[messydepressy95]

Thank you @sixhours for the WIP Wednesday tag!

Here’s a small snippet of a Firefly Hospital Whump I’m hoping to get posted before the month is over.

Please note that this is wholly unedited.

—-

Joel wishes they’d never found the fireflies. He has spent the last 4 months and 19 days watching his girl become a shell of herself. The tests are relentless, they ask for too much, and take even more. She’s fourteen goddamn years old and they just keep taking. At first, it was just blood. Then they requested bone marrow, and now spinal fluid. They took scrapings of the bites on her arm and when that didn’t work out the way they’d wanted, they had carved a fucking chunk out of her flesh. She bares every procedure with gritted teeth and a vice-like grip on his hand. They have a shit supply of painkillers, leaving Ellie to pant and writhe in agony most days. She refuses to leave, to give up. He’s thinks about packing her into one of the cars he’d found two buildings over, every single day. She makes him promise though, that they will see this thing through and he will not intervene. He doesn’t, not really. He simply makes his presence known when they approach with several hare-brained, ill-thought-out ideas. He plants himself firmly between the small medical team and the girl he’s claimed as his on the days she can’t even see straight, the promise of violence shining in his eyes. He’d realized, after Silver Lake, what she was to him. He’d nearly lost another child in that godforsaken town, he won’t lose her here either. He may bite his tongue, and sit on his hands to prevent himself from striking out when she yelps in pain during their endless poking and prodding, but he will disembowel the next motherfucker to suggest she give her life to this cause. Something he has verbalized to the nurses and doctors during a rare occasion in which she had actually slept. He puts his foot down with her when they suggest exploratory brain surgery. They will not be digging around in her head with no real purpose, over his dead fucking body. She pitches a fit, cursing at him and flinging insults. He takes it in stride, letting her wear herself out. She freezes him out for three days after the fight, and won’t even look at him, much less speak to him. He stays through it all, she couldn’t get rid of him now, even if she tried. There isn’t a soul on earth that could pry him away from his child.

—-

Poor Joel.

People are always gunning for his kids man.

[merowkittie]

More Jole x blackfem!reader please!!

OH BABY I GOT YOU! <3

This is based on the end of TLOU 1 and start of 2 ! (Will not be 100% accurate) sorry it’s so late 😭

Talk It Out — Joel Miller

Ever since what happened with the fireflies and Joel deciding to save Ellie instead of getting a cure, the two were never the same again.

Hell, Ellie was mad at you too, but you patched it up as best as you could. Ellie understood you were just following Joel, but she still knew you were a big part in it too.

Now, you were sitting in your shared bed with Joel between your legs and his head on your stomach. He’s been asking you for advice on how to get her to talk to him lately and he feels like shit.

“She.. she’s being fuckin’ difficult. ‘M Trying my best to talk to her or do anything and she either ignores, gives me a look or walks away.”

You hummed in acknowledgement. You’ve noticed it as well but Joel.. doesn’t have the best approach for this type of stuff. He says he “doesn’t know how to handle like this”.

“Well.. Joel, are you sure you’re being nice? What exactly are you saying to her? You know you’re kinda..” you trailed off, looking down at the man laying on your stomach.

He raised his eyebrows at you, giving you a silent go ahead.

“Scary, gruff..you know. Look baby, it’s been years but we all know Ellie can hold a grudge..” you furrowed your brows as you continued to think.

“But How do you want me to work with that? How does she expect me to talk to her again and be there for her? You saw what happened in the bar.”

Oh you definitely saw what happened in the bar. Who didn’t? You talked to Ellie about that after those events. She told you to fuck off so you left her alone. Albeit you were a little hurt but there’s nothing you can do about it. Ellie is a tough woman. She doesn’t need anyone there for her if she doesn’t want it, but being alone all the time isn’t good.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headboard. You were drained. This whole situation was complicated. Everyone was at fault here. Maybe not Ellie completely but she could’ve just talked to the man to better understand him.

Then an idea rang through your head like the church bells you used to hear when you were younger.

“Joel, why not let her come to you? Or, better yet start to ignore her. She hates it.” You laughed at that, Joel just gave you a non amused face.

“You really think that’ll work? How’d you get her to start talking to you again?” His eyes connected with yours and you thought for a moment.

It was very very very fucking hard to speak to that girl.

“Well, I made her sit down with me and talk. I explained why we did what we did and that yes, maybe she should’ve decided that she either lived or made the cure herself but in my eyes.. she’s like a daughter to me— to us.” The way your eyes softened was a tell tale sign of how you felt for her, “She understood but she was still mad. I’m sure she still has a bit of a grudge against me but.. no way were we gonna let that precious girl die for a cure that they couldn’t even fucking promise would work.. what if we let her.. what if we let her go through with it and it didn’t work Joel? What if she did die for nothing?”

The words started to come choked out and you couldn’t help but feel distraught at the mere thought of that.

Joel’s hands caressed your sides and he leaned up to press a kiss on your jaw.

“That’s why we were not letting them Fireflies touch her. I’ll.. try to go along with what you said. Maybe she will approach me.” Joel nodded to his words and you gave him an encouraging smile.

The two of you sat in bed for a while longer as you talked Joel’s ear off about your day and how you almost cursed out his brother for trying to make you do his work for the day.

Listening to your voice was something he loved. It helped him concentrate, ground him. You always had good advice for him too.

So like you said earlier, he thought about how he was gonna go about Ellie, and decided once she came to him, they’d simply talk it out.

[phantomspiderr]

By Any Means ║ Part 3

Pairing: Joel Miller x *f!reader

Word Count: 1.6k+

Summary: never did you think you'd ever see him again but there he is with the kid you've been looking for

Warnings/Tags: tlou hbo spoilers, trauma, canon level violence, cursing, mentions of death, guns, the word t*rrorist being used in reference to the fireflies, promise there's a little fluff too

*no real description of reader or gender as far as I know but I've written it with a female reader in mind

series masterlist | phantomspiderr masterlist

“Look kid, put the fucking gun down, I’m not gonna hurt you!” You’ve got your hands raised above your head attempting to beg for your life to a child.

“Slide your gun over here, and I might think about not shooting you,” the girl confidently directs her pistol at you. Nodding her head down towards your own pistol holder.

“No- I can’t-“ never in all the times you’d imaged dying did it include a small girl pointing a gun at you. “I don’t have anything else.” You state it simply. The mission with your group had gone sideways, some group of murderous psychos sneaking up and killing almost all of you in the dead of night. Luckily, you’d managed to escape, trying hard to find a safe place to go in this foreign terrain. There had to be some other fireflies somewhere along the way that would help you. Unluckily for you, while hiding out from the rain in an abandoned office building you ran into this little murderous asshole. Where in the fuck she had come from was lost on you. She’d been silent, sneaking up behind you before demanding you turn around slowly with your hands in the air. 

“It’s simple. Hand over the gun or I shoot you,” she tilts her head to the side just a little, the faintest grin on her face.

“Ellie?” A booming voice calls out, and the girl doesn’t look away from you as she calls back. Wait-this is the fucking girl you’ve been looking for? 

You start trying to formulate any kind of sentence to explain to her that she’s why you’re here, she’s the kid you’ve been tracking down and almost been killed in the process for.

“In here!” She quickly points her gun down toward your holster again, a silent way of demanding, before resuming to aim it right at you.

You can hear footsteps approaching, and you wonder for a second who is with her and if they are more brutal than she is at such a young age. You expect someone cruel and unrelenting. They’ll probably come in and kill you straight away, not bothering to listen to you and hear you out. Their only priority is keeping this girl safe and getting her where she needs to be, so they probably won’t hesitate to shoot you where you stand.

“What have I told you about wanderin’?” The gruff voice is quieter now, and your heart picks up at its familiarity.

“Holy shit-Joel?!” Your knees almost give out there and then. Even after more than a decade, you’d still recognise that face anywhere. He freezes in the doorway, unable to make himself move as you both lock eyes.

“The fuck? You know him?” Ellie cuts through the silence, her gun still pointed at you, but she quickly looks at Joel for reassurance.

“Put the gun down, Ellie.” He finally remembers how to walk, stepping quickly into the room and pushing the girl's gun down and away from you. Then he’s looking at you again, he’s closer now, and you can see how he’s aged. At least he still looks good after all these years. Slowly, you drop your hands down to your side. You’re filled with an array of emotions at that moment, and not sure how you should really feel.

For a second it looks like he’s going to hug you, wrap you back in his warmth like he used to decades ago. Part of you wishes he would do just that, the other, more pained part wants to do nothing more than slap him in the face for the years of suffering you both had.

“You look good,” you can feel your cheeks heat up almost instantly. Your mind taken back to that younger, wildly in-love version of yourself that got giddy when he’d compliment you.

“So do you,” you settle for the only words you can think of at that moment. Then there’s just silence, only the sounds of heavy rain falling. You don’t know what you’re supposed to say to your somewhat ex, who you abandoned without a word over a decade ago.

“It looks like it’s going to rain through the night. We were just about to set up camp in a room down the hall. You’re welcome to join.” Ellie scoffs loudly in protest, which is followed by an eye roll when Joel gives her a stern look.

“That’d be nice,” you politely nod. Watching as Joel looks at Ellie, a silent conversation is had between the two before he spins her by her shoulder and gently shoves her out of the room. You follow a few feet behind after gathering your things, and you can just hear the hushed conversation they’re having.

“Can’t believe you’re letting a stranger stay with us. What happens when you wake up to a gun in your face, and I’m already dead in the corner?” Ellie briefly looks over her shoulder, locking eyes with you before quickly turning back.

“Shut up,” Joel grumbles, looking back at you too for just a second. They both stop in front of a doorway, and Joel just gives her a stern look—the same one he used to give Sarah when she was being stubborn.

“I’m just saying…” Ellie mumbles as she passes Joel into the room.

~

“Still can’t believe after all these years I find you here, of all places.” Giggles erupt from you as he speaks, trying to keep the conversation quiet was proving difficult. Ellie had turned in about an hour ago after you’d all eaten together, and now you and Joel were sitting together catching up. Your conversation proved to flow easier than you’d first expected.

“Yeah, well, when Marlene tells you to do something, you do it. No questions asked, even if it takes you across a desolate country where you could die at any turn.” You sigh now, trying to push away the memories of the last few days, the pained dying screams of people you’d known for years echoing in your head.

“Surprised you haven’t seen Tommy in your little terrorist group.” Joel lets out a single breathy laugh when you look at him with shock.

“They are not terrorists! You might not agree with the way they do things, but their purpose is good. Or at least it was,” you elbow him in the side, “and I did see him once. Was years ago now.” You pick at the dried mud on the knee of your jeans, suddenly a little nervous to talk about Tommy, “he told me about your fight.”

“Yeah, not my finest hour.” He sighs, leaning his head against the wall you’re both propped against. There’s a long pause between that and his next words, “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you follow his actions, leaning your head against the wall but turning a little to look at him, “I forgave you a long time ago.”

On the list of things you thought might happen today, looking into the eyes of the man you once loved more than anything definitely wasn’t up there. It was a mystery how even after so many years and so much heartbreak, Joel could still reduce you to a version of yourself you thought was long gone. It’s almost as if you could close your eyes and if you think really hard, you’d be back there. Back in Joel’s bedroom—back in his bed— with moving boxes invading the small space, blissfully unaware of what was to come in a week's time.

“Still feels like a dream,” your fingers slowly trace along his jaw, his face is barely visible in the dark, but you can tell his eyes are closed. He’s on the precipice of sleep, but you just can’t help yourself. Moving in together had been a huge step, a big jump from the occasional sleepover or the even rarer weekend away, but it had all felt right.

“I’m real, darlin’, this is all happenin’.” Joel almost whispers, nuzzling his head further into the pillow, “now go to sleep.” His hand gently moves to your head, and he jokingly forces your head into your own pillow a little more. It makes you quietly giggle before his hand relaxes completely against your cheek, his thumb soothingly rubbing back and forth.

“You gotta get used to this, I’m never gonna leave now.” You whisper after a few quiet moments, and he lets out one breathy laugh.

“Is it too late to rescind the offer? Kick you to the curb?” You chuckle now, louder than you probably should at this time of night, but suddenly he’s joining you in laughter.

The memory fizzles out in your head as you look at him now. He looks tired, exhausted even. You used to jokingly call him an old man, but now it seems he’s fitting into the name more with his greying hair and wrinkles that have formed from years of scowling.

“I tried to find you,” he looks away from you now, his eyes finding Ellie’s sleeping form, “y’know… after.” You’re quiet while he speaks, even between the silence as he thinks of what to say next. “I-I didn’t mean any of it. I was angry at the world—still am. But you didn’t deserve any of that.”

Cautiously, you shuffle a little closer and lower your head to his shoulder. When he only stiffens up for a split second, you push a little further, reaching for his hand and pulling it into your lap. He lets you do it with no struggle, lets you hold his hand in both of yours. He lets you trace along all the lines and marks with your fingers, and he just watches you, distracted by memories of his own that he thought he’d buried decades ago.

[toointojoelmiller]

alone together: a last of us fic

Prompt submitted by @eedsknees

read at ao3 here

When they finally stop walking the daylight isn’t far off from fully disappearing.

He doesn’t say anything to her. Hasn’t - not a single word since he’d left Tess behind to die alone and dragged her along, screaming and slapping at him. The only signal he gives that they’re stopping is shrugging his pack from his shoulders and dropping it to the ground.

Ellie glances around them and sees the same thing she has for the last few hours - trees, dirt. There’s a narrow stream of water that trickles downhill towards what looks like a creek, but it’s hard to see very far with the dark starting to settle in around them. 

Joel isn’t looking at her. Doesn’t seem like he’s looking at anything, really - he mostly has his back turned to her, but she can still make out the profile of his face. His eyes are closed. His fists are clenching and unclenching at his sides like he’s trying not to punch something, which is concerning. There aren’t a lot of targets around other than her and the trees.

And she doubts he’s feeling pissed off at the fucking forest.

A ripple of fresh fear rises up like bile in her throat. She fights it - he hadn’t spoken to her since they walked away from that blown up building, but he hadn’t done anything to her either, and she tries to keep that piece of information at the front of her mind to keep herself calm, because getting worked up won’t help anything. It’s been just the two of them for hours, she tells herself. Plenty of time for him to ditch her, if he was going to. Or beat the shit out of her. Or do whatever else the dark anger he’s wearing all over his face pushes him to do.

She’s trying to keep the other moments in mind too - the ones that hinted that maybe he wasn’t as much of an asshole as he seemed, and that she’s clinging to like a life raft.

Like how he’d crawled over to her when that thing was getting closer and she was frozen in fear, about to be ripped apart (and about to shit her fucking pants if she’s honest) - and how he’d thrown his arms up to block it when it lunged at them, pushing to keep it off of her and almost getting bitten in the process.

Or how he’d yanked her arm so hard when the explosion happened that she nearly yelped in shock before she realized he was pulling her behind him as he raised his gun, in case any infected that somehow made it out of the blast. Like he was actually trying to protect her.

“You must have heard that he wants to shoot you,” Tess had said. She shivers and tells herself it’s just from the cold.

“Stay here,” Joel says suddenly, his voice sounding weird. She nearly jumps in surprise, and by the time she registers what he’s said he’s already walking away into the trees.

A flicker of anger sparks up and she forgets for a second that she’s afraid of him. “Where are you going?” she asks loudly, getting angrier when he doesn’t respond. She loses sight of him quickly. “You’re a fucking dick,” she breathes under her breath. And then she repeats it, louder, half hoping he can hear. 

She takes her own bag off her back roughly and swings it hard onto the ground, wincing at her mini temper tantrum.

She can’t believe there are two now. Two people she’s known who’ve gotten infected while she was there, and died - well, Tess blowing into pieces a few hundred feet away wasn’t exactly the same as -

She has to squeeze her eyes shut as it flashes in her mind - the heavy wet splatter that tore out of Riley’s head, the slow twitches that rolled through her body once, twice - was it her or the fucking fungus moving her fingers like that? - she fell on her side as she died - blood spilling out of her mouth, over the lips that Ellie had finally been brave enough to kiss.

At least she’s alone when the tears that have been threatening to spill over all evening finally do. She brushes them roughly off her face and drops to her knees, rummaging through her bag until she finds Riley’s fucking Firefly pendant. She’s too afraid of breaking the chain and losing it to keep it on all of the time, but she puts it around her neck now, tucking it into her shirt and focusing on the feeling of the metal touching her skin. 

Everything is so fucked up. All one big nightmare. Riley kissed her back - after so long imagining it and wishing for it it actually happened. It made her feel soft and warm and happy like she never had before, and then the world flipped over to show it’s rotted underbelly and nothing could ever go back to the way it was.

She hears Joel coming back before she sees him, branches cracking in the trees as he gets closer. He doesn’t even look in her direction when he emerges, going to his bag and digging out the little bundle of wax paper he and Tess had kept their rations wrapped up in. He sits down, leaning his back up against a tree, sighing heavily and groaning as he does like he’s a hundred fucking years old.

It’s a nervous thing she does sometimes, talking when she shouldn’t. She doesn’t know why she bothers with him - especially doesn’t know why this is the topic she decides to break the silence with - but she hears herself being an absolute moron and asking, “What’s with all the like, sticks or whatever in the dirt?”

He looks, finally, for the first time in hours. Glares at her, actually, his brow furrowing even farther down somehow. He doesn’t say anything - just stares. 

She points to them, even though they’re all over and he really shouldn’t have a hard time seeing them for himself - hard, horizontal cords of wood that rise up from the dirt for a foot or so before burying back under the earth.

“Ain’t sticks,” he huffs at her, scowling. “They’re roots. From all the trees?” The ‘idiot’ goes unspoken, but she can hear it in his voice just the same.

It’s annoying as hell, how he looks like he’s mad at her for not knowing that - like she’s ever been in a fucking forest before. She decides to be the bigger person and let it go, because she’s not a miserable fucking old man, but her irritation makes her a bit more bold than she probably should be and she keeps talking.   

“So we’re staying here for the night?” Ellie asks.

He’s back to keeping his face turned away from her as he snaps, talking through the food in his mouth, “Where the hell else would we be stayin’?”

“I don’t fucking know, man, that’s why I’m asking!” She snaps back. “You haven’t said a fucking word to me, how am I supposed to know what’s going on?!”

“It’s gonna be dark in a few minutes - sorry for thinkin’ you might put two and two together.” His voice is harsh as he says it. “Shoulda known better.”

Fuming, Ellie sits down and crosses her arms in front of her chest, glaring at the prick who can’t even look her in the eyes when he insults her.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” she hisses before she can think any better of it.

“Yeah, I am,” he says roughly, and she’s done trying to convince herself otherwise.

Asshole, asshole, asshole. She hurls it at him over and over again in her head. 

Watching him eat makes her own stomach start rumbling. She yanks her bag over to her lap and digs out the last of her sandwich, regretting her hissy fit from a moment before when she unwraps the cloth to see that it's apparently not well built enough to survive being hurtled to the ground.

She stares at the mess of bread and filling for a moment before trying to reassemble it with her hands the best she can. It’s still falling apart, and it would probably be easier to lower her head down and try to eat it without having to lift it up so high, but she can’t resist giving in to the petty and immature part of her that hopes he’ll see her eating it and long for some for himself.

Like I’d share with you, fuck face, she thinks at him as hard as she can.

She just ends up with scraps of food all over her lap.

When she’s done eating, she’s overcome suddenly with the urge to just be alone. Get away from him. She stands up quickly and turns from him without a word, walking down hill, following the little stream of water. He doesn’t ask where she’s going because he doesn’t give a shit and that’s just fine.

Her eyes are still watery, a bit blurry with tears from time to time. When she reaches the bottom of the hill she nearly loses her footing, stepping out of the treeline and off of the dirt onto rock covered ground. She was right about the water running down into a creek, but it’s a lot bigger than she’d imagined. It’s probably a cool sight, when there’s enough light to see by, but right now it feels a bit like the world is going to cave in on her with the way the ground slopes up away from the rocks and water in almost every direction.

She picks a random spot and plops herself down. Bugs are swarming her face. Rocks dig into her legs through her jeans. She closes her eyes and tries to breathe.

He was her partner - he can’t be that bad - another refrain she’d been leaning on to try to keep herself chill about it all. It didn’t seem all that convincing now that it was just the two of them.

There could have been a lot of reasons Tess worked with Joel, and none of them required him to be the same kind of person as her. They were obviously different - Tess was in charge, and he was just the fucking attack dog. There’d been a few times Ellie had seen a FEDRA dog tearing into someone. She wonders how long it’ll be before he does it to her, now that there’s no one holding onto his leash?

Tess didn’t take any bullshit but she wasn’t a dick about it, either. It was almost embarrassing how quickly Ellie had started to like her, but it was hard not to - she answered Ellie’s questions, and asked her own back like she actually gave a shit. Acted like she actually cared if Ellie got ripped apart by a monster. More than she’d gotten from 99% of the adults she’d ever interacted with. ‘You got some balls on you, sister’, she’d said - offhand, and definitely not meant to carry half the weight it had to Ellie.

Thinking about Tess’s absence makes her chest start to feel tight, so she focuses instead on being mad at herself, at how pathetic it is, to get attached to someone she’d known for like, one fucking day. Classic fucking orphan bullshit.

She might be even more pissed off at herself for the way she always gets her hopes up, no matter how many times life tries to teach her that there’s no fucking point. All it ever does is hurt - but Riley said once that she liked that about her. “It’s kinda cute,” she’d teased, and Ellie had thrown her pillow across the room at her, hoping Riley wouldn’t see the way she blushed.

For the thousandth time, she wonders why she couldn’t have just died in that mall with the only person who ever really cared about her. Marlene said she survived because she has a ‘greater purpose’ - and all she can think is that it’d better fucking be true, because right now it just feels like she lost the chance to die while the memory of the best moment of her life was still fresh. It’s only been a few weeks, but that kiss is already starting to feel less and less real in her memory. Fuzzy at the edges.

Ellie sits there for too long. It’s the bugs buzzing in her ears and landing on her face that piss her off enough to finally decide to go back. By the time she gets to her feet and takes a look around she realizes just how dark it’s gotten - she can barely make out which spot in the trees she had come out of on her way down. Stupid - should have brought the flashlight with her.

She takes her time, stepping carefully and slowly on the rocky ground so she doesn’t loose her footing. After a few close calls she finally gets off the rocks and back to the dirt, sighing a little with relief as she starts to make her way back uphill.

It’s a lot easier to walk in the dark with somewhat even ground underneath, so she moves a bit quicker, but the trip back up the hill is really taking it out of her. She’s fucking drained - probably won't have any trouble sleeping, despite having just about every reason to.

She thinks she must almost be back to the spot Joel had randomly decided was their camp for the night when one of her feet catches on something she can’t see. Probably one of the fucking roots. She pitches forward, scrambling not to lose her balance, and thinks for a second that she’s saved herself from falling, but her sneaker lands on a patch of loose dirt. It immediately gives way, sliding out from under her, and it’s game over. She slams down onto the ground, landing with one of her arms bent weird underneath of her. There’s instant pain shooting through her wrist and her elbow. She smacks her chin hard as she hits the dirt, too, flooding her mouth with warm metallic blood as her teeth dig into her tongue.

“Fuck!” She hisses into the dirt, breathing through the first initial seconds of pain before spitting out a mouthful of blood and rolling onto her back. She cautiously lifts her arm and tries moving it to see what damage she’s done. If her wrist is broken it must be a small break - she thinks, anyway, because she can still bend it in most directions if she really tries to - but it feels fucked enough to make her a bit queasy. A throbbing ache is settling deeply into it, radiating up her forearm, and when she tries to extend her arm there’s an unsettling twinge in her elbow.

As a bonus, she notices there’s a long wooden splinter poking up out of her palm, too - she grunts as she tugs it out, barely able to see it. Hoping she got it all. Blood trickles out of the gouge, a dark line running down the pale skin of her palm, just barely visible in the darkness that seems to be getting deeper by the second.

Laying on her back lets the blood from her tongue start to pool sickeningly at the back of her throat. She scrambles to her feet in a rage, wanting to scream until her throat is raw, but not as much as she wants to make sure he doesn’t hear her - nothing would be worse than him seeing her like this - seeing what she’s managed to do to herself when there’s no actual fucking danger around. It’s the sort of thing that will make him take off on her - can’t let him see how much of a fuck up she can be.

She forces herself to grit her teeth and marches the rest of the way back, spitting the blood out from her mouth every few seconds as it keeps building up. Her teeth are aching from how hard they’d clattered.

Joel is laying down by the time she gets back, facing away from her. She looks around in the dark for a sort of flat spot to lay down, as far away from him as she can get, but she cuts the search short and just picks at random when a sound makes it way out of her involuntarily - a bit of a moan, or a gasp. She sounds fucking weird - horrified to recognize it as the way she gets when she’s going to cry hard.

She’d rather get shredded into ribbons by a fucking clicker than cry in front of Joel right now, but her tears start pouring down her face anyway, so she sinks down to her knees, folding forward and pressing her forehead onto the ground. She’s shaking - it’s easier to pretend it’s from the cold, because it’s actually sort of freezing now that the sun is gone, and her jacket definitely isn’t warm enough - but she’s lying to herself.

“Fucking fuck,” she whispers as quietly as she can, biting down on her cheek. She can feel the sobs fighting to make their way through her chest. Only a matter of time before they get out. She slaps a hand over her mouth and scrunches her eyes shut, breathing through her nose and trying uselessly to stop it from happening.

Her other hand wanders up to her neck, grabbing onto the metal chain and tugging until Riley’s pendant comes out from under her shirt. She presses it into her palm and wraps her fist around it tightly, squeezing until the edges of the little circle are digging painfully into her skin.

There used to be a flutter in her chest when thought about Riley. A good sort of trill - it was soft and gentle and accompanied always by a bit of a high. It made her feel all warm and excited and hopeful. It’s all wrong now. The flutter her heart does now at the thought of her - her eyes and her hair and that smile she seemed to only show off to Ellie - how painfully fucking cool she always was, from the moment they first met - now it just feels like she’s dying in small bursts. One blow after another, each beat chipping pieces of her away for good.

A particularly hard sob has her gasping loudly for air on the inhale, and her whole body freezes. She’s going to wake him up, and he’ll be angry with her for it - the last straw. She’ll find out exactly what sort of man he is - exactly what he’s capable of - out here alone with him in the dark woods.

When he somehow doesn’t seem to wake up she shifts to lie down, pulling her pack over to use as a pillow. She folds her arms over top of it and buries her face down into them, trying to muffle whatever sounds she’s about to make.

It’s like her body was waiting for permission to give up the fight - as soon as her face touches the scratchy fabric of her bag she’s bawling. He must be almost fucking deaf, she thinks after a long time, because even when a wail makes it's way out of her against her will and she listens for the sound of him rolling over and telling her off, it doesn’t happen.

She’s so exhausted the crying jag feels like it’s draining the life out of her, but she can’t stop. It feels like she cries for hours.

She doesn’t remember falling asleep, so waking up is disorienting. Even with her eyes still closed, she can tell that it’s lighter outside. Her face feels swollen and puffy, the skin around her eyes stinging raw, and her head is heavy, nose stuffed up.

She stays curled up, not ready to really be awake yet - she’d been cold the night before, but she wasn’t now, and the warmth made it easy to want to just stay sleeping. Opening her eyes as little as she can manage to while still being able to see, she makes out where Joel is just uphill from her, sitting awake with his back against a tree. In the barely-there early dawn light, the deep blue of his denim is easy enough to spot. He looks different. She can’t tell why.

He notices that she’s woken up right away and stands.

“Goin’ to the creek,” he says in a flat voice as he walks away.

She knows he’s coming back because he leaves his pack behind.

It’s still so early - she breathes deeply a few times, closing her eyes and trying to get back to sleep - wanting deeply to avoid having to face another day.

Before she drifts off again, she realizes what was different about Joel - he wasn’t wearing the brown coat he always had on. He wasn’t wearing it because it’s draped over her like a blanket. He took it off of himself at some point, and covered her with it while she slept. He must have been cold.

She brushes the soft fabric lining of the jacket with her fingers, and her heart does a little flutter. It’s the kind that feels good again.

ao3 link here

my fics listed here

💙

[justagalwhowrites]

It’s interesting how people see things so differently. Like with Tommy, to me their wedge isn’t because Joel wanted control to protect Tommy. To me it was because Tommy had a bit of a hero complex and thought joining the fireflies would make him feel like the hero again. (He was a soldier which can say a lot, also the reason he was in jail that night was bc he punched a guy to help a waitress and it also wasn’t his first time in jail either. Joel had to bail him out multiple times.)

Tommy did hate what they had to do to survive and they did have a big fight but he left because he wanted more than “just” survival and Marlene made the fireflies look good, like the good guys. so he joined them. But then he just ended up killing people with the fireflies and once he realised that he left again lol

Seeing as Joel had to bail Tommy out multiple times, it definitely gives you the feeling that Joel had to take care of Tommy a lot. Plus Tommy works for/with him so he took care of him in that way too. Obviously nobody knows because nothing was ever shown but i can imagine Joel did shitty things to make sure his little brother is okay, just like he did for Ellie. Joel does anything for the people he cares about.

Obviously having that thrown in his face and Tommy running off to join a terrorist group is gonna cause a wedge between them.

And then Tommy dropping off the face of the earth, not contacting him again and Joel later finding out he’s been safe and perfectly fine in Jackson? Yeah that’s a slap to the face. There’s definitely ways Tommy could’ve let Joel know that he’s safe and in Jackson but he just didn’t. And then obviously bad talking Joel to Maria while Tommy himself has done terrible things? Tommy didn’t want Joel to be in his life anymore and definitely not in Jackson.

Anyway this is my long Tommy is actually an asshole rant lmao

Also, with Tess. I honestly don’t think Joel wanted to love her. In the game the only indication was that they had some tiny flirty dialogue and that’s it. I know everyone now takes the show as canon but in the game, tess doesn’t even say that “I never asked you to feel like that” or whatever. They survived together, they trusted each other, they were partners and friends. It doesn’t always have to mean or be more than that. obviously the show tried to do some dramatic romance and feelings shit but it just wasn’t there lol

Plus we know Joel didn’t really date much before the world ended either, he was a single dad for Sarahs entire life and heavily focused on work and his daughter. Clearly romance wasn’t a huge part of his life, so why would it be after the end of the world and losing his entire family?

Thanks for coming to my ted talk about unpopular the last of us opinions lmao

Hi Bestie!

I love this interpretation! It's actually not really off from what I think of Tommy, too, actually! I just think his hero complex really clashes with Joel's drive to protect him. I don't think Joel CONSCIOUSLY wants to control Tommy, I just think he feels safest when he has control and/or has a good lock on someone's motivations. Tommy wanting to play hero puts him at risk and I imagine Joel pushed back on that really, really hard quite a bit. But yeah, Tommy just fucking off to Wyoming made me so mad lol (which is part of the reason for the Tommy arc in Lavender) But I think can also be at least partially explained by Tommy and Joel clashing more and more as years went by in the QZ, with Tommy getting more and more pissed off by FEDRA and wanting to lean into his hero instincts and Joel not able to shake the fear of his brother getting himself killed.

I will say, my Joels are definitely a lot more based on show Joel than game Joel! I have watched game playthroughs (I am... very bad at video games lol) but HBO Joel is definitely my man. Though yeah, his relationship with Tess in the game was definitely more ambiguously flirty than an unambiguously romantic relationship of any kind. But I don't think his lack of a romantic life immediately pre-outbreak is a fair indication of what he wants in general. Single fatherhood and working a ton of hours means you're going to limit your social life. He was clearly interested in romantic - or at least sexual - attachment at one time because Sarah exists.

That being said, I certainly don't think he'd show up to the QZ and be like "priority one: find a girlfriend." But I do think it's reasonable that he'd stumble into it eventually, either through a smuggling contact he got closer to than he intended or just a woman he was sleeping with because hey, sex!, that became something more.

This has been so fun! I hope this has shed some light on how I write Joel because I've thought a lot about this stuff over the last year. I love hearing your thoughts, thank you so much for sharing!!

Love you!