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awarmcupofmilk · 1 year

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Gojo x reader "Broken Mirror"

afab!reader

summary: you knew gojo was the one. gojo wasn't so sure.

content warnings: breakup/sad, angst, deviations from gojo’s past arc

word count: 1,226

note: hi lovelies, I'm back! I'm thinking of turning this into a series, thoughts?

please don’t repost, edit, translate, use, or copy my works on any platforms (if you’d really like to please reach out – reblogs are welcome)

You’d known for a while Satoru was the one.

When he’d thoroughly humiliated the elders through cheeky comebacks and downright threats because Gakuganji made a remark about your way of dress off-duty.

When he called off classes for the day to host a hot dog eating contest, just because you were having a hard time with your sister getting engaged---fresh out of high school.

When he literally saved your life on that mission.

But what sealed the deal was this adorably clueless look on his face, set so vividly apart from his usual smirks and sneers, when he got daifuku on his cheek.

You were in love. And in it bad.

At first, you knew you were alone in your convictions. Satoru hadn’t ever prioritized love and you didn’t think you’d convince him otherwise. You told yourself it was fine, that you’d date for a few months, maybe a year and then move on for the better.

But you don’t move on from the strongest.

You couldn’t taste anything else once you’d had him. Nothing else held appeal.

You kept telling yourself it was fine. You were still young, you still had time to date without a future. But the smell of his aftershave, the way his hair curled behind his ear, his distaste for alcohol. It all drew you in, too deeply, and you wanted it too badly.

Satoru would stiffen when you brought up the future.

He was happy to make plans for Friday date night, but anything about revisiting the clan or moving in or god forbid, marriage had him giving non-answers and changing the subject at the first opportunity.

It was a stabbing pain, seeing the look on his face, and a few times after a particularly sobering conversation you’d almost considered ending it. But he was so sweet. By all other accounts he was a wonderful boyfriend. Chivalrous---opening the door for you, insisting on paying the bill, unfolding the napkin at restaurants to cover your lap. He genuinely listened. And yes, he had a slight habit of being a little too friendly with no doubt interested women, but he’d always own up and do better when you called him out. And you just clicked. So effortlessly, so seamlessly. So, you told yourself it was fine.

You had your whole life ahead of you at twenty-three. And you knew, any third party would tell you that you were being unreasonable. But you loved him. You were sure about him. Surer than you were about most things. Maybe anything. You used to be so cynical about marriage. You didn’t buy anything about soulmates or true love or the one. But Satoru was it for you. You just knew.

But the more you wanted him, the more anxious you were to hold on, to not lose him. You found yourself asking, “Are you going to break up with me?” As a joke from the outside but in truth a deep fear, seeking opposition or confirmation, you didn’t know.

And Satoru would always respond easily, with that trademark suaveness, “Not planning on it.”

You asked more and more often, and whether or not Satoru noticed, more and more anxiously.

And each “I don’t see that happening,” each “No” followed by a soft kiss sold it to you more. You stopped telling yourself it was fine. You’d be together forever. You were sure of it.

Things weren’t perfect. You two had your rough patches and fair share of fights. But you wanted each other enough to make it through anything. If the you from a few years ago could hear yourself, this madness probably would have been put to an end. But you loved him. You loved him in that cliché, film way that looks manufactured in hindsight. But it felt so raw, so pure, so real. You’d be together forever.

Soon, despite yourself, you began hinting. Rings. Nice houses. And even, though you were now appalled at the memory, babies. Not to be had then, of course, just for the far-off future. You could be patient if commitment was promised.

And for whatever reason, Satoru played along. He started engaging in talks about the future, even though he used to say he didn’t want to make these promises, didn’t want to plan so far. You had reminded yourself of what he used to say, that look on his face when you brought up plans. But for some reason hidden to him and you, he bought into it too. He started fantasizing with you. Of course, to you it didn’t feel like fantasizing. But he seemed to want it, almost as badly. You thought his face lit up picturing your lives together in the next few years. You thought he smiled a little wider, laughed a little louder.

He wants this too. You told yourself. We’ll be together forever. You said.

You told this to yourself like a mantra, and soon it became indisputable truth.

✧

“Hey,” you started, leaning on Satoru’s shoulder. You snuggled closer to him on the couch and pulled the blanket over your shoulder. “Does it ever bother you that I ask about the future?” You said.

Satoru stiffened, and your heart dropped.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You know, like do you not like talking about plans long-term?”

You were fishing for an easy answer, some artificial reassurance, a “No, I like it fine.”

But he paused. You couldn’t breathe.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to make promises.”

“Oh,” was all you could say. It sounded like you had let out a breath. A small cough.

“I mean, it’s kind of fun to fantasize,” he said.

You hadn’t realized how much the word “fantasize” bothered you. How seriously you took your “plans”.

“But I mean, I can’t promise what will happen in a few years,” Gojo continued.

You felt dizzy. “You don’t see us together in a few years?” You asked. It sounded like a whimper and you hated yourself for it.

“I just mean I don’t know what my life looks like in a few years.”

“Oh,” you said again.

There was silence. You’d stopped resting on his shoulder and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You pulled the blanket off and fidgeted, eyes glued to your lap.

“…where do you see this going?” You finally asked. Quietly.

He let out a breath. “Look, I’m going to be honest, I’m twenty-four, I can’t make any commitments right now.”

“Oh.”

You felt oddly calm. “Um, thanks for being honest with me,” (finally, you thought).

“Sure,” Gojo said.

“So we have an expiration date, huh?” You asked.

Gojo frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this is going to end at some point.”

“I mean, I’m not making a decision right now about the future,” Gojo said, you thought he shrugged. “I still want to be with you now,”

But he didn’t understand. That was the point. You’d decided on forever without a second thought, and he just let you. But sooner or later, when he decided it was time to experience life without you, he’d leave you behind. You didn’t want now if you couldn’t have the future.

You didn’t meet his eye. “Gojo, I think we should end things.”

It’s funny how the things you love the most can shatter in an instant.

✧ Masterlist ✧

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natasha-in-space · 3 months

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Alright, I'm gonna babble a bit on my thoughts and observations with the magnificent CG's we got for the Choi boys' birthday this year 'round! And, boy, what beautiful CG's they are. I acknowledge that some had problems with them, but I honestly couldn't be happier. Both of them made me feel giddy for two days in a row! The artist did a fantastic job, and it's a treat to still get some new content from Cheritz. Now, let's start with Saeyoung!

God, do I adore the soft, domestic feel of this one. It's peaceful, intimate, and tender in a way that sharing a special moment with the one you love is. I am a sucker for simple domestic moments of romance, so even I admittedly swooned at this one!

Since it's dark outside, we have two options. It's either a small private celebration between you two after he spent the day with his brother and RFA, or you're congratulating him as soon as the clock strikes midnight. I find both options equally sweet and fitting! Either way, you are sharing a small private moment with him, with just you two for a small while. I believe he would be deeply grateful for that.

It looks like he's gotten himself a place out in the city! Isn't that a lovely thing to see? I do think he'll keep his bunker, whether it's for potential emergencies or just for safekeeping, but I always loved the idea of Saeyoung creating a new home for himself, however that may look like. It is logical for his new apartment to have large windows that are high enough to see the night sky. It's very much Saeyoung. And it's very much Saeran, too! During the day, Saeran enjoys the warm sunlight and vast clouds, while Saeyoung enjoys looking at the stars and teaching you about space at night.

He made sure his new home had windows because his bunker didn't have any. A reminder of his new freedom to live out a peaceful life with his family without needing to look over his shoulder at every step.

We have some gifts laid out in the background! The interpretation of whether this is from you, Saeran, or RFA is up to you. I like the latter option. It does make you think what kind of gifts would everyone prepare for him! Lots of funny and/or sweet ideas to think about.

There are also lots of frames hung up on the wall and laid out on the shelves. It made me giggle. Because of course, Saeyoung would litter his home with photos of you once he gets the freedom to do so. It's even a bit excessive, but how can you complain? This man was terrified of having evidence of his own existence out in the world for years. Not to mention that he was not allowed to have any reminders of the people he loved, as he was afraid of their safety.

Of course, he will make sure to surround himself with reminders of a brighter future now that he can. Selfies with you, photos of Saeran reading a book or cooking, and outings with the RFA. All such precious moments he doesn't want to take for granted.

As many have already pointed out, the cake is from Saeran! Ain't that sweet? The first time I noticed it, I glowed with joy because I adore the idea of Saeran making something by hand for his older brother. Saeyoung was always the giver and protector in their relationship, back when they were kids... Now, they can start over with more balance. And Saeran can also take care of his brother. I can't help but think of him spending hours in the kitchen, making sure everything is perfect, and that's just... so damn heartwarming. I love these two and their love for each other. They deserve to be together without fear.

@marshmallowprotection went over the details of the cake very thoroughly in her post, so I won't go over it personally, but, oh my God, of course Saeran would put in small meaningful details into his cake. It's so much like him. From the flowers to cherries and whatever that is written in that envelope. I am certain that Saeyoung will likely shed tears upon reading it. Heck, Saeran can just scribble out a big 'Happy birthday Hyung :)' on there, and it'll make him cry just as much.

Saeyoung is unfamiliar with being taken care of or appreciated. It will take him some time to stop getting emotional over the smallest things when it comes to his family.

Speaking about the CG as a whole, I love how relaxed and tender he looks. It's nothing fancy, just a black shirt and jeans. That's what makes it so soft and domestic for me. It's just you and Saeyoung. In your home. Being together and cherishing each other. And that's better than any grand display.

We get to see more of Saeyoung's arms!!! I always love when they splice up some things that are very much true to canon. While it doesn't make any sense at all to make Yoosung or Saeran muscular jocks, it's very much in line with Saeyoung. It's easy for those arms to lift you up and hold you tight! I also actually like that he's visibly broad in here. I know it's not everyone's interpretation, but it makes him actually look, y'know, older. Even though he'll be 21 forever, it's pleasant to imagine him in his late twenties or early thirties. I know most of my guy friends got very broad in the shoulders once they hit their middle twenties lmao

I also very like MC's dress. It's super cute and comfortable. And that watch on Saeyoung's wrist? Another nice touch. I don't know why, but I always pictured him into watches lol. Mostly because he seems to have a soft spot for anything technical. It's easy to see him being fascinated by the inner workings of different watch models. He's such a nerd (affectionate)

Look at that giddy smile! He's such a cutie. Love to see him be all happy like that. Also his hair is once again super red. I'm telling you, it changes color depending on his mood. It's my biggest theory in whole MM storyline/j

AND NOW ONTO THE MAN HIMSELF, THE ONE I'VE BEEN BENDING MY KNEE FOR EVER SINCE I SAW HIM, THE ONE I IMPLODED MY DM'S OVER-

Ahem

Yes. We got an actual official Unknown/MC CG. The fandom exploded. I know I saw it, I know you saw it, we all saw it. Unknown took the fandom by storm, and he knows it. Look at that smirk. I even saw quite a few old MM artists thinking of coming back just because of him lmao

That's the power this man holds.

Alright, my incessant ramblings aside, this CG looks absolutely ethereal. And it's pretty much intentional. Goes in line with Unknown's aesthetic, too. I know we all love to lovingly call him the king of edge that he is, but from what we see of him? He'll probably put you in something similar. He is your guardian angel, after all. The one who will lead you to a true paradise you couldn't even hope to reach by yourself. He is your loving shepherd, and you are his precious lamb.

The placement of Unknown in such a graceful environment makes sense.

So, Unknown's cake has strawberries AND blueberries on it. No wonder many people instantly remembered the birthday CG from two years ago! It's a nice and interesting comeback. Once again, redirecting you to @marshmallowprotection analysis post for the in-depth on it, because she lays it out beautifully! I'll just say that it's intriguing to note that besides strawberries, blueberries appear to be another confirmed favorite of Saeran's. I know I love my blueberries.

Here's to hoping that this is a fake cake, because if I see food drowning like that, I would riot, no matter how beautiful and enticing Unknown may look 😔 You're eating that cake, mister! You are not wasting it for a pretty aesthetic!! It also begs the question who made the cake in the first place, and Kait puts out a very interesting thought that this is, in fact, a photoshoot. It's also comforting to think that MC was behind it. Just because I'm a sucker for the idea of Unknown getting spoiled for once in his lifetime. He also seemed to be rather yearning in his birthday chats that you can purchase, so it's a sweet thought for me.

MC is absolutely gorgeous here. I have zero complaints. Unknown is one lucky man, and he knows it. Her skin is perfectly complimented by that shade of pink, and she looks like a nymph or something. I also love how flowy the dress is. You can just tell how soft that fabric is to the touch, and I am on my knees both for this MC and the artist for all their hard work. Also!!! MC has an actual eye visible for once! Always a nice and rare surprise.

The dress is pretty revealing, too, and I couldn't stop giggling once I actually noticed that. What can I say? Unknown knows his tastes, and I sure respect him for that. As I said in another post, her lap is definitely not the only thing he lays his head on, and I am, frankly, jealous of him.

All that to say.... guys. MC is just a stand-in. She doesn't look like 90% of the player base. Heck, I look nothing like this MC! Please don't be discouraged just by how she appears in certain CG's! There are plenty of guys, queer folks and women who look nothing like her, who love and adore Saeran as a character. And you know what? All of you would be loved and appreciated by Saeran. Whatever weight, whatever gender, whatever skin color you are. Your own unique appearance will make you just as ethereal next to him. Because it's you.

Saeran has the same love for you as you have for him. Unknown included!

Now onto the man himself..... God.... how gorgeous he is...... I know I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again when I saw him, pfft-

Who is Unknown without his belts and chokers? Once again, Unknown knows what he likes, and I respect the hell out of it. You go king!

Need I say that they gave him freaking EARRINGS???? I know I wouldn't be freaking out about that as much, if it wasn't a fan thing for years. And now he gets the earrings we all knew he deserves in canon. Life could be a dream.

He also has a cross. Which is a rather... interesting choice. Once again, @marshmallowprotection goes over it in detail in her post. Another fun personal interpretation I had (bc I love giving a darker vibe to things) is that perhaps this image is taken after Saeyoung got captured by Mint Eye. Unknown takes and wears his brother's cross as a mockery of his brother's faith and as a declaration of his triumph. I must say, though, that's, like.... 99% not what is intended here, and just my personal fun musings.

I also find it both hot and hilarious that Unknown has his shirt open like that. He saw his brother's CG and went: 'oh hell no, I can do better'. He's so extra, and I adore him. I also don't think he's muscular here???? He's not depicted as broad or buff. I think people just misinterpret the art style a bit. He doesn't really have any prominent muscle here, and it looks significantly different to Saeyoung's CG. I think the artist just either didn't have much time to flesh it out (an issue Kait goes in detail over), or they had trouble with depicting what they wanted to depict. Or I'm just talking out of my ass here, and they really did make him jacked, but my eyes will continue to willfully choose to not see that 😔

All that to say, I definitely went feral over this guy showing so much skin, and the desire to BITE is strong with this one.

He'll be on my mind first the rest of the year. What an absolute treat.

It's so much like Unknown to be all snazzy and cordial with you. I love how they showcased his mannerisms here. It's irrelevant whether you interpret it as cunning or genuinely affectionate here. That smirk is very much Unknown, and we all know it. I wanna smooch his cheeks so bad. Kait also went over the flower analysis in her post, so I highly advice you to check it out!!

In summary, I couldn't be happier with what we got this year. This is everything I ever wanted and more. Will be definitely writing individual pieces for these, because how can I not?

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #mystic messenger saeyoung #luciel choi #mystic messenger 707 #saeran choi #unknown choi #mystic messenger unknown #choi saeran #saeyoung's piece will be posted sometime this week!!!#approximately #<3

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delta-pavonis · 5 months

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Fic Teaser: Parasomnia

(The morning after Special Exhibition, so spoilers there if you haven't read it. This little bit is rated T.)

Dear Dream,

Many would start such a note with “I just couldn't bear to wake you…” but, to be quite honest, I fear it would be too disingenuous given that I did everything short of cracking the smelling salts to wake you before I left. I was worried enough that I checked all your vitals. Upon finding you not dead, nor bradycardic, nor hypotensive, nor hypoxic, nor hypoglycemic, I decided you needed the rest.

Make yourself at home. And I mean that truly. Hell, you know where the toys are kept if you somehow feel the urge. (I, for one, am giving my bollocks and backside a break for at least a few days. No regrets, though.) There is barely any food in the pantry because of my holiday schedule, but there is plenty of coffee and tea. Enjoy anything and everything I have in stock. Or just order takeaway.

I left my car here and took the tube in. Keys are by the front door. You are welcome to drive my car to the hospital or get on a block south and ride in to pick up your car. I told the hospital parking attendant to log it under my name, so no rush getting here, your car is safe.

Rest. Go back to sleep if you want. (Actually, drink a glass of water first. We exerted ourselves rather, ah, thoroughly last night.) Take all the time you need.

I’ll be back about 6 tomorrow morning. If you're around, we can have breakfast. If not, I hope I’ll see you soon.

Text me when you are up and moving?

Yours,

Hob

P.S. Last night was fantastic. You are absolutely stunning. xoxo

Dream reads the letter fully three times before putting it down.

“Yours.”

Something in his chest soars.

Mine.

He wants Hob to be his very, very badly.

Probably in ways Hob very much does not intend.

Probably.

Dream drops the note to run his hands over his face and flops back onto the bed. The sheets smell of Hob and he turns to press his cheek into them before he can think better of it.

Oh, yeah, he’s proper fucked.

One hand wanders down to his abdomen, to above his groin, and for a moment he feels Hob within him again and groans. His other hand lands on the bruising on his shoulder, presses softly, just enough to remind him of Hob's mouth.

Dream closes his eyes and remembers the taste of Hob, his skin and mouth and sweat and cum. He suddenly misses him, desperately.

Which is insane.

They’ve known each other–actually known each other, not the weird parasocial relationship he had with Hob via his TikTok ASMR videos–less than a week. How can Dream possibly miss him?!?

This is just the rush of a new relationship. It will pass. It will pass.

But Dream doesn't want it to pass.

God, it has been ages since he felt this good. Since he had someone respond to him, to his intensity, in kind, to meet him punch for punch. It is what he thought Corin would be, or Calliope, or, fuck, Nada way back when. He thought they could become this. He and Killala had it for one bright, shining moment, before they burned themselves out.

And yet here Hob is, matching his steps, following his lead in this dance, seemingly without much effort, on the first try. Dream is going to have a whole lot of trouble letting that go, now that he knows it possible.

Fuck.

Dream grabs his phone from where it was placed on the nightstand next to the letter and looks at the time.

Which makes him sit up in bed like a shot.

It is almost five in the evening. He has slept for over twelve hours.

#pavonis writes #dreamling #museum curator Dream #doctor Hob Gadling

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karniss-bg3 · 11 months

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Hunger

After a long day of travel the exhausted group made camp to rest for the night. After unrolling their sleeping bag Tav decided to converse with their companions, unwinding with those they were growing to trust. Gale dug through their supplies for ingredients, seeming indecisive about what meal they’d have this night. Astarion lounged on a pile of pillows, propped up midway while thumbing through one of the books he pilfered on their journey. Laezel was content to settle on her knees nearby, quiet and uninterested in socializing. Everyone was in their place, all except their newest member. Tav spun in a slow circle to search but he couldn’t find the drider. They noticed Wyll near to the fire warming his hands, approaching him for inquiry.

“Wyll, have you seen Kar’niss? I’m certain he was right behind us,” Tav said.

“No, not since we put down our tents. I did notice he was looking a little gray around the eyes while we traveled today. I assumed he was just tired.”

“Now that you mention it,” Astarion interjected, “he wasn’t nearly as chatty as before. The break from his droning mantra was a welcomed change.”

Tav side-eyed Astarion and shook their head. “I’ll go look for him. He might be injured but didn’t wish to announce it.”

“Or maybe he’s decided to run off to find Majesty himself. He doesn’t strike me as the patient sort,” Shadowheart added.

Gale lifted a finger and waggled it in her direction. “Maybe so, but Tav sees something in him. Like it or not he’s part of our merry band now. Best to exhaust every option before assuming the worst.”

“Thank you Gale,” Tav said. “I won’t be gone long.”

Karlach held up her axe, the flicker of flames lapping at the handle. “If you’re not back in an hour, I’ll come looking, soldier.”

Tav smiled and nodded. “I’ve no doubt about that.”

Once the groups fears had been assuaged Tav wandered toward the direction Wyll pointed them to. This led away from camp and into a wooded area. They noticed broken twigs and bushes displaced likely due to a large creature moving through them. They ventured forth, the thick underbrush tugging at their clothing, strong scents of pine and moss tickling at their nostrils. It was dark, much of the moonlight obscured by the thick canopy above but Tav pressed on, lighting a torch to help cut through the pitch.

“Kar’niss?” They called, their voice echoing in the immediate area.

Several steps in they heard a distinct rustling above them, a few rogue leaves floating down from the trees branches around them. They tried to see what caused the disturbance, the wind or something more? In doing so they didn’t see the sticky trap they were backing into, their body hitting a wall of web that stretched between two thick tree trunks. This startled them, spinning around to struggle against the adhesive silk which snagged onto their clothes and hair with a vice grip.

“Hnn!”

Tav dropped their torch, the flame extinguishing once it touched the wet mud beneath their feet. They pushed and pulled but just as they yanked one arm free the other seemed to become more entangled as a result. Panic start to set in, Tav finding themselves close to calling out for those back at camp. Their cries were stifled by movement above them, darting their eyes to search for the source. From above, nine reflective spheres peered back at them, glowing in the dim moonlight that managed to filter through the branches. Tav stopped fighting with the webbing, their expression twisting into a confused scowl.

“Kar’niss?”

An annoyed hiss sounded off above them. “True Soul has ruined our trap.”

Tav breathed a sigh of relief. “Gods, that scared the shit out of me.” They frowned and looked at their arms, tacky and thoroughly wrapped in web. “How...how do I get out of this?”

Kar’niss carefully balanced over the branch which barely supported his weight. “They must stop struggling. The more they do the tighter the bondage. Back away, slowly, until the web becomes taut and snaps under pressure.” He’d instruct, his voice relaying the irritation at losing all of that hard work.

Tav did as told, walking backwards and dragging the thick strands with them. They pulled until the web couldn’t sustain itself, the beautiful entanglement ripped down the middle and freed it’s hostage. They exhaled, their heart beating so hard they could hear it in their ears. They’d start the process of peeling excess from their arms and clothing, admiring the leftovers as best as they could in the limited light.

“I’m sorry, Kar’niss. I didn’t mean to ruin anything. We didn’t know where you went so I left to search. I...was worried.”

The statement made Kar’niss shuffle in place, his head cocked to the side, perplexed. “Worried? We are not weak, we can handle ourselves.”

Tav winced. “Yes of course.” Once they cleaned themselves off they glanced up at him. “What are you doing out here, anyway? Wyll said you looked gray around the eyes. Are you ill?”

“Tch, no. I am hungry. I have not eaten in days, can’t wait any longer. We smelled wild game, one will wander into my web...once I rebuild it,” he grumbled.

Tav bit their lower lip. “We...have food in the camp. You’re welcome to share it with us, we don’t mind.”

“What food you have available we cannot eat. Unless you wish to offer the cleric, the fighter or the warlock for us to feast on. They are the only three that do not smell of foul blood.”

They furrowed their brows. “Blood…?” A pause. “Oh, OH! You can only consume blood?”

Kar’niss snorted and backed up against the bulk of the tree. “It is the only thing that sustains us. We prefer it fresh. If that is all, you may go. You’re scaring off the game.”

Tav frowned and nodded. “Alright. Once again, I’m sorry.”

They leaned down and palmed over the ground until they found their torch. Tav began to turn to depart, able to hear Kar’niss shuffling above to start the process of fixing the mess. They stopped mid-step, a thought dawning on them. They whirled back around and fixed their eyes on the drider’s silhouette above them.

“I have a question,” Tav said.

Kar’niss scoffed. “What is it now?”

They took a step closer. “You mentioned feeding on others at camp. What about...me?”

The question nearly caused him to lose his footing, his reflective gaze darting to Tav in surprise. “What?”

“Well, I ruined your trap and I feel awful about it. I’m sure it’ll take you a while to fix it, even longer to get a catch. So long as you promise not to drain me dry, that I’ll walk away from this, I don’t see why I can’t give you something.”

Kar’niss’ legs clicked against the surface of the branch, shifting his large body to get a better angle to look at Tav. A silence fell over the area only broken by the mild rustling of foliage from a gentle rolling breeze. He was thinking it over which was a good sign to Tav at least.

“We can...do this. Take only what we need to hold us over for something more...filling.”

Tav swallowed thickly, starting to second guess their offer. They had never been a meal for a drider before and didn’t know what to expect. At the same time they didn’t want him to starve. It was only a temporary arrangement, right?

“Will it hurt?”

“A little but it will pass quickly,” Kar’niss said.

Tav inhaled a deep lungful of air, mustering up the courage to give the order. Kar’niss was intimidating on his own but more so partially concealed by the shadows as he was.

“Alright, do it.”

Kar’niss didn’t need further convincing. His hind legs lifted to stimulate the spinnerets in the barb of his backside, producing a thick line of silk which he secured to the branch he perched upon. Attached to the line of web he began to descend from the tree toward his chosen snack standing below. Tav watched his approach, more of his features becoming defined the closer he came. Soon he hovered mere inches above the nervous individual, making intense eye contact with one another. Tav struggled to control their breathing, their heart racing with such fervor they feared it might burst like a bubble. Kar’niss reached out and hooked their arms under Tav’s armpits, winding them around their upper back. His pedipalps snapped around their waist and curled against their buttocks, enveloping Tav’s torso with the differing pair of limbs.

Tav suddenly felt the earth removed from their feet, Kar’niss’ hind legs pulling at the rope of silk, rising back into the safety of the canopy. Tav gasped from the sudden change in altitude, their arms wrapping around his neck out of instinct. This pressed their bodies together intimately so, Tav rarely allowed to be this close to the drider and finding they didn’t mind it. Once they reached a height that was acceptable to him he settled four of his legs against the side of the tree for stability, remaining suspended from the silken lifeline still attached to his spinnerets. This left Tav’s legs to dangle freely toward the ground below, a strange sensation but with the way Kar’niss held them they felt very secure. Almost too secure. Kar’niss had a grip on Tav and didn’t appear inclined to give it up. If they had reservations it may have been too late to voice them.

Kar’niss tugged Tav closer and craned his head to get a better angle on their neck, his prize. Tav’s lips trembled as his mouth inched closer, able to feel the caress of his warm breath cascading over the surface. Goosebumps spread the length of their arms, a gentle tremor creeping down their spine while the anticipation rose.

“Hold still,” Kar’niss whispered.

Before Tav could reply they felt his lips seal around the thickest portion of their neck. Razor sharp fangs sank into the tender flesh creating two smooth puncture wounds. The burning sting surged throughout their throat causing their eyes to water in response. A choked gurgle bubbled in their esophagus silenced only when they swallowed. Just as Kar’niss promised the throbbing ache of his intrusion began to wane, fading into a dull prickling sensation around the affected area. Tav curled their fingers into the meat of his lower shoulders to hang on for dear life, putting their trust into him keeping his word.

Kar’niss withdrew his fangs but kept his lips sealed around the area forming a vacuum, his nostrils flaring the moment Tav’s sanguine essence coated his greedy tongue. Vampire bites were hungered and frantic, seeking to drain their hosts as quickly as their heartbeat would allow. This was different, very much so. Kar’niss didn’t seem to be in a hurry, allowing the blood to flow naturally rather than sucking the area with any urgency. It took Tav a moment to realize, Kar’niss was savoring them.

His arms tightened around his ‘prey’, pointed digits mingling with the fabric of their clothes to get a better grip. He nursed at the open wound, his tongue occasionally darting out to lap over the surface for a stronger taste. Such a sensation made a blush blossom on Tav’s face, their breath hitched. They weren’t sure if it was from the blood loss or a new found curiosity, but they did experience the faintest tingle of arousal collecting around their groin. The softest sigh of pleasure escaped their mouth, a warmth rising on their skin that spread throughout their entire body.

After several moments passed Tav began to feel a tinge of dizziness creep into their head, the grip around his neck growing lax once weakness kicked in. Kar’niss sensed their exhaustion which prompted him to slide his lips free. He’d lick over the puncture marks to encourage their closure, sparing Tav from further loss.

“That is enough,” Kar’niss murmured.

Tav was dazed and a bit sore. Despite the blood drain they still had control of most of their faculties. They didn’t know how much time had passed but they could at least conclude it was no more than an hour. Otherwise they’d have a flaming tiefling bursting through the brush to make one hell of a scene. Tav panted quietly, reaching to feel over the area of their neck that had been willfully assaulted. They could feel the fang marks in the skin which were steadily healing over.

“Mmmf...do you f-feel better, Kar’niss?” Tav asked, their tone weary.

“Yes. This will sustain us for the moment. I can put you down now.”

“N-No. I want to stay with you, just a little while longer,” Tav said.

Kar’niss lofted a single brow, his eyelids falling half mast as if to mull it over. Tav did just put their trust into him for a risky endeavor, who was he to argue? “Very well.”

He inched his way up into the tree with Tav in tow, his legs hooking onto a thick branch to hoist the pair up. He lowered himself down into a seated position, his belly flush with the wood below. He adjusted Tav to cradle them, one arm under their knees and the other supporting their back. Tav felt the weight of exhaustion hanging heavy, their body curled into Kar’niss’ chest with rest in mind. The drider glanced down at his unexpected companion, his tongue tip grazing over the front of his teeth, collecting Tav’s taste still fresh upon them. He’d look at the half full moon partially exposed through the canopy.

“Thank you,” he said in a pensive tone.

Tav’s lips twitched into a worn but pleased smile, allowing their gaze to join Kar’niss in admiring the moonlight. There they remained in blissful silence, reflecting upon the moment shared between them.

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spacequokka · 2 years

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About Time

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader Genre: Angst, Smut Rating: M Summary: You broke the number rule of fuck buddies and ghosted him. You think you don’t have to answer for that? Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: mentions of drinking, fingering, public unprotected vaginal sex, hair pulling, biting, creampie

Arrow: Gold > Friends (with benefits!) to Lovers AU

Thanks to everyone in @kvanity-main who patiently put up with my 99 questions and requests. Extra thanks to @jinsquishes for the beautiful banner. I recommend nvrmnd, Die for You, God Damn, and Horizon for this. Happy Valentine’s Day my lovelies!

One would assume a dark, crowded club would be the best place to avoid someone you’re ghosting. How could you ever hope to find anyone through all the bodies and smoke? Now add the fact that the person you’re avoiding hates places like this, and it should be perfect. Right?

Wrong.

Because across the fucking room with a red solo cup in one hand and a vape in the other was none other than the last person you planned to see tonight. You fully expected to see the Easter Bunny before Changkyun’s molten stare. A sharp elbow to your side yanked you out of the mental sinkhole you fell into the second your eyes met his.

“What the fuck are you staring at—” Vita followed your line of sight and gasped dramatically. “Ain’t no way. I thought he hated clubs. What the fuck is he doing here?”

You sputtered something that could’ve been a response in baby talk, mind thoroughly fucked as you scrambled to get your shit together. Quickly tossing back the rest of your drink, you looked around, frantically searching for the nearest exit. You’d even jump out of a third-story window at this moment.

“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.” You threw your cup away. “I can’t be here.”

“Wait, what?” She pulled on your arm. “No! Don’t leave me! You swore you’d hang out with me tonight.”

“Well, that was before Korean John Wick popped up looking like he’s gonna take me out with a pencil.” You looked at her, eyes pleading for understanding. “What if he comes over? He’s gonna ask why I’m not answering his calls and texts. What the fuck am I gonna say to him?”

Her grip tightened. “Be honest with him! Just flat out say you caught feelings and the situation doesn’t vibe for you anymore. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate you being upfront with him instead of pulling this hide-and-go-seek shit.”

“Oh, fuck you, smart ass. You dodged Taehyung for weeks before you nutted up and told him the truth.”

Shock flashed in her eyes before she let go. “Wow. Digging deep in the past, ain’t you? At least I fucking told him.”

“Right.” You looked back at Changkyun. The cup and vape were gone, but his eyes were still on you as he watched with curiosity. “So I have at least another week or two before you can talk shit. God, he looks like he’s gonna come over. If he does…”

“Jesus, _____, just spit the words out and be done with it.” She crossed her arms. “It’s better than dragging this out any longer. Trust me. What’s he gonna do? Dump you? You’re not dating. At the most, he’ll agree it won’t work and walk away. He isn’t the type to make a scene.”

As if to piss on her logic, Changkyun pushed away from the wall and headed in your direction, snaking through people without taking his eyes off you. Pure fear made your heart stutter as you grabbed her shoulders.

“Yeah, right. Tell him that, will you? I’m getting the fuck out of here.” You darted to the side. Stupid fucking heels and stupid fucking drinks made it hard to coordinate your limbs in a way that put as much space between you and the quiet storm behind you as fast as you could. Sure, it was a cowardly thing to do, but you weren’t in any shape to have a decent conversation with him. An honest one. One that formally put an end to the nights that bled into mornings where he’d cuddle you as the sun rose. To the moments you cherished while confusing you.

Not yet. You needed more time. Just a little more time.

Your eyes stung as you pushed your way through to the nearest glowing green ceiling sign. You just wanted out, away. Anything but face the truth, the inevitable hurt. The chilly night air was refreshing on your heated face when you stepped out the door. The panic softened just enough for your head to clear. Okay, you were in an alley. You just needed to figure out which way the street was so you could get a Lyft and—

The door opened behind you. Panic shot through you like shards of ice as you looked over your shoulder in horror and watched Changkyun step out. Time crawled to a stop as he adjusted his black leather jacket, pulling on the collar of his matching silk shirt. “Are you done running from me?”

Your mouth opened and closed as each train of thought derailed before making it to your lips. Running? In which sense? You turned around to face him, intent on saying something but ultimately failing because what the fuck should you say?

The longer he waited for you to speak, the more intense his stare got. “You realize the whole point of being fuck buddies is to actually fuck, right?” He pulled the door shut behind him then put his hands into his pocket, and cocked his head to the side. “And I’m not sure if you noticed, but uh, we haven’t fucked since—what—three weeks ago?”

“Something more like two and a half.” You mumbled.

His eyebrows rose. “Oh, so she does remember how to communicate.” He looked away and nodded, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “Since I’m not worth the effort of a call or text, I won’t waste your time. Just tell me why we’re not fucking anymore and I’ll be on my way.” He gestured at you with his hand in his coat pocket. “Go on. Is it someone else?”

There was something in the way his frown and grouchy words didn’t match the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Though it was brief, for a second you saw the Changkyun you wished you could be with all the time. The one who was emotionally available. “N-no. I haven’t…no one but you, Kyun.”

Confusion creased his brow even more. “So, then what is it? I give it to you good, right? I mean, the way you can’t even get out of bed after—”

“It’s not that. I promise.” You bit your lip and looked at your feet. “Please, Kyun. It’s hella stupid. I just…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. He was expecting some grand, logical reason when in reality it was so fucking…simple.

“What is it?” He prodded. His gaze dragged over your body before he looked away and changed his stance. “Jeez, you don’t have to overthink everything. Just spit it out.” He closed his eyes, swallowed, and lowered his voice. “Just say it.”

Maybe it was the sudden softness in his words that made your chest tighter as your throat and eyes burned. Right. Just say it. Let go and move on. You took a deep, shuddering breath. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”

His face tightened for a second as if he’d flinched from pain. For a solid minute, neither of you said a word, listening to the ambiance around you. The cars passing by on the street. The muffled bass of the music inside the club. The hum of electricity from the flickering streetlight nearby. Just when you thought you couldn’t take another moment of silence, he asked, “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” You reached out and nearly touched him before thinking better of it. “No. It’s me. My mistake. I—” You swallowed and looked around the dimly lit alley as if the words you needed to say would jump out and save your ass. How could you tell him the truth without ripping your heart out in the process? You hugged yourself and shut your eyes, willing the unshed tears to back the fuck off. You could cry it out later. Not here. Not in front of him. He’d told you plenty of times tears did nothing for him. “Fuck. When we started this, we both agreed to keep it casual. No feelings.”

He inhaled sharply and took a step forward. The crunch of the ground under his shoes made your eyes snap open. A mistake. His eyes widened upon seeing the tears lining yours. “Baby—”

You shook your head and hugged yourself tighter. “A-at first, that worked for me, Kyun. I swear it did. Sex with you is the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced so far in life. You’re amazing, so please don’t question that. But, as we got to know each other more, things got…complicated.”

“Really. Complicated, how?” He took another step closer and you took one back. “What complication justifies shutting me out?”

Your body sagged as your chest tightened to the point of pain. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

“I deserve to know the truth, don’t I? I’ve spent more time in the past six months in bed with you than I have on my own. I got to the point where I’m not used to waking up alone.” He licked his lips and exhaled hard. “Like, I get that fuck buddies aren’t as close as we are. Maybe friends with benefits doesn’t cover it either. Whatever it is, it’s good, right?”

You hated how your heart colored his words with hope and yearning. This wasn’t the same guy who swore to you he couldn’t do relationships. That you’d never catch him doing lovey-dovey couple stuff. That wasn’t him. Commitment wasn’t in his skillset. “For you.” You bit out after a gulp of air. “It’s good for you. I-I can’t separate the physical from the emotional stuff.” You looked at him through tears. “I tried so hard to keep it casual. I reminded myself over and over that you can’t give me lo—more. But you confused me! Insisting I stay each night, waking up with you. Telling me I’m beautiful and insisting we hang out for fun. How was I supposed to keep my heart out of it?”

His expression went blank, completely clueless as he stared at you. “What?”

“God, Kyun. For someone who says otherwise, you do the boyfriend thing really well.” You dried your face by dabbing at it with your coat sleeve. “For a minute, you had me imagining what it’d be like. And once I got to that point, I knew I couldn’t go on with this anymore. It hurts like hell to want someone in a way they’ll never want you.”

Changkyun blinked a few times before understanding dawned on his pretty face. “Oh.” He got a distant look in his eyes, looking down the alley at the street. “So…you caught feelings for me?”

Your arms dropped to your sides. The gut punch wasn’t as painful as you thought it’d be, but it still hurt. “I know I should’ve talked to you. I just…didn’t know what to say or how to say it.”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded then took a step towards you. You automatically took a step back so he took another. And another. And another. Your back collided with the wall of the building behind you and before you knew it, he was pressed against you, chest to chest, and looking into your eyes with an expression you’d never seen on his face before. Worse of all, it made your stomach turn with excitement in a way that only he ever could incite. His fingertips caressed your cheek before they traced down to your neck.

“Say it again,” his voice was low and warm like coffee on your tongue, “tell me what you imagined being with me was like.”

You sucked in cold air noticing how the tip of your nose was getting numb. “I—this isn’t a joke, Kyun!” You pushed at his chest. “I’m being serious—”

His fingers curled around the back of your neck and gently squeezed. “And so am I. I wanna hear it.” He pulled you close until your foreheads touched then gently rubbed his nose against yours. “You made me go weeks without hearing your voice or seeing your face over this. So, give it all to me. Every single thought. Make the pain worth it.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. “I told you. It’s dumb. I just pictured stupid couple stuff like taking selfies, holding hands in front of your friends, or cuddling on a rainy day.”

He hummed as his fingertips caught the hem of your skirt. “I admit, that does sound like stupid couple stuff.” You scoffed and tried to pull away, so he quickly followed with, “But I’d do them with you if you really wanted to. At this point, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you. For you. To you.”

“What?” You searched his eyes, mind reeling as his words echoed in your head.

“Let me make a little confession of my own.” His free hand gripped your jaw between his thumb and index finger as the other splayed across your thigh. “Since I last saw you, I haven’t been out much. Maybe to the store. At first I thought maybe you were just busy. But then Jooheon would tell me he saw you out with your friend and each time I wondered if it was me. Maybe you were avoiding me.” He pulled your leg up on his hip. “At first, I told myself I didn’t care. That you’d get over whatever the fuck you were going through and come back when you were ready. But you never did.”

You gasped as his hand wandered between your bodies and toyed with the edge of your panties. “Kyun—”

“No, no. Shh. Listen to me. I need you to know how hard it was to stay away and give you space, baby. No one else touches this dick but you.” It was hard to focus on his words when his fingers started to stroke your clit through the sheer fabric. “I don’t even get hard at the thought of fucking anyone but you. That whole time you were gone? It was just me and my hand.” His lips brushed against yours, but he didn’t kiss you and smiled when you started to chase his mouth. “Just like you, hm? What did you use?”

His fingers pushed your panties aside and cupped your pussy, middle finger pressing between your folds. “My toys—oh, god—and fingers.” Your breath hitched as he dipped his finger inside.

He moved his hand from your chin to the wall. “Did they feel good? Better than me?” You shook your head and he bit his lip, rewarding your honesty with the rest of his finger buried to the hilt. “You look so fucking hot right now. This skirt. This top.” He leaned in and nipped at your neck, soothing the skin with a lick as he worked his finger in and out. “I saw you as soon as I walked in. Wanted you right then. Needed you…”

His words were smoke in your head, creating a dense fog of him that made you burn from the inside out. Your hips rolled on his hand, pace increasing when he added another finger. You were vaguely aware of how fucked out and needy you sounded as he pulled moans from you with just his hand. His lips caught yours and ended with a playful bite as he pulled his hand away.

“As needy as the last time we did this, huh?” He groaned in your ear, low and husky as he fumbled with his pants. You couldn’t even respond, too focused on helping him work the belt buckle and zipper. The second his dick was free, he pushed his pants down to his thighs and reached for yours. “Get up here.”

One leg went around his waist, and with a hop, so was the other. You put your arms around his neck. Using the wall for leverage, he gave you sloppy, frantic kisses as he held you up by your thighs, feeling around with the head of his dick for your entrance. You squealed when it pressed into your clit and he chuckled into your mouth as he angled his hips just right and—

“Say it, baby.” He hissed as he pushed in slowly. “Tell me again why you ghosted me.” You tightened your grip, nails digging into the sleeves of your coat, as his dick stretched you with an ache you missed. When it felt like it’d never stop, he was fully seated inside and twitching every time you clenched. “Say it.”

“B-because I fell for you.” You whimpered when he pulled back then snapped his hips once. A warning. “Ah! Fuck, Kyun.”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and hid your face. “I love you. I did it because I love you and I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Fucking finally.” He brushed a kiss to the side of your face and adjusted his grip on your thighs. “About time you came around, baby.” With another snap of his hips, he set a steady pace that he’d occasionally interrupt by grinding his pelvis against your clit, determined to get you both there as quickly as possible. “Need you to cum with me. Missed you so much. I hate waking up without you next to me. Need you th—Ah, fuck. So tight.”

Your fingertips caught the ends of his hair and you pulled on it. In response his strokes grew longer, deeper as he let you drop onto his length with a clap of skin. Every time he moved, sparks danced up your spine and through your limbs. “Oh, fuck!”

“It’s been so long, baby. Just a—just a little longer. I’m almost there.” He nudged your head back and kissed you hard, a clash of lips and tongue as he swallowed your moans while feeding you his own. You were vaguely aware of how the bricks dug into your back and hips, too lost in the pleasure you were drowning in. How had you stayed away from him for so long when he could do shit like this to you? You were crumbling to pieces in his arms, on his dick, and for once it didn’t scare you shitless. You could trust him to put you back together. You held his face and kissed him harder, trying to match his intensity. When he caught your tongue and sucked on it, you fell apart. You came hard, convulsing in his arms as he leaned back and switched to quick strokes, moaning your name as he reached his high. “Oh, shit. Fuck, baby, fuck. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

He leaned against you with a whimper as his body rode the wave, pressing up into you as he stuffed your pussy with cum. Your lips met after a few misses and you laughed through a kiss. The kiss slowly turned to light pecks between shy smiles as he rubbed your thighs. “My back is gonna be so sore in the morning.”

He snorted and kissed you once more before helping you down onto your shaky feet. “That’s not the only thing that’ll be sore. The night is young.”

You playfully swatted his arm as you fixed your panties and skirt. “Ugh. My panties are wet and sticky.”

His arm came around your waist and pulled you against him. “My car’s not that far. We could go back to my place.”

The thought of leaving with him reminded you of what he’d said not too long ago. “…Did you mean it? Or was that just heat of the moment talk?”

He looked into your eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since the first night you stayed over.”

“What?! Kyun, that was like the first month into this. There’s no way—” He cut you off with a kiss, this one sweet and tender as if he’d break you with his lips.

“I didn’t say anything because I remembered the rules. It seemed like you were okay with the way things were so I was okay with it. As long as I knew I was the only one you went to, I could live like that.” He looked into your eyes as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip before brushing over your hair. “Then suddenly you were gone without an explanation why…and I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Not without a good reason. So, yeah. I meant it. And just in case you don’t believe me, I love you. And I’d love you even without the sex. My heart is yours…so take care of it.” He gave you a shy yet bratty pout.

You blinked and fanned your face, turning away so he couldn’t see. “I’ll do my best. Um, so to your place?”

He threaded your fingers together. “Yup.” He pulled you along towards the street. “We can take a shower, drink some water, then work on getting another noise complaint from my neighbors.”

“What are you gonna do when your landlord finally kicks your ass out?”

He looked at you and smiled. “Look for a place to share with you.”

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todaysjewishholiday · 12 days

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5 Elul 5784 (7-8 September 2024)

Shavua tov! Semana buena! Gutt voch! It’s a new week once more once we bid goodbye to Shabbat.

There fifth of Elul is the date that Yekhezkiel offers for the vision recounted in chapters 8-11 of the book that bears his name. Yekhezkiel, who is already living as an exile in the Babylonian empire, sees a vision of idolatrous worship by the leaders of the kingdom of Judah in the Beit haMikdash as a representation of how egregiously they’ve turned from the communal covenant with HaShem. Next the prophet is shown two angels sent throughout the city— one to mark those who object to the violations against HaShem that their neighbors are committing, and another to strike down all those people who aren’t marked by the first angel.

HaShem then describes the impending destruction of the city and the Beit haMikdash, but assures Yekhezkiel that there will be survivors of the destruction, and especially that the exiles, who are currently mocked by those who weren’t taken captive, will be spared from the destruction that’s coming.

The imagery of the vision is thoroughly reminiscent of Unetanah Tokef from the high holy days liturgy, with its description of HaShem determining who will die and who will survive the coming year.

You fear the sword; and I will put you to the sword, says HaShem. And I will bring you out of your secure refuge, and deliver you into the hands of foreign nations, and they will punish you for me. You will die by the sword: I will judge you upon the borders of Israel; and you will know that I am HaShem.

But there is space for mercy in this vision. Speaking of gathering back the exiles after the Babylonian scourging is complete, HaShem declares:

I will gather you from the foreign nations and connect you from the countries where you have been scattered, and… I will give the people one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you all; and I will remove the heart of stone out of their bodies, and will give them a new beating heart, so they can walk in My Torah, and observe My Mitzvot, and do them; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God.

HaShem is deeply disappointed by the kingdom of Judah’s leaders and their choices, but holds out hope of healing what’s been broken, and of being able to give the Jewish people a brand new start. In this vision, some destruction is inevitable, but there’s a great deal of hope placed in teshuvah and a fresh beginning. As we prepare for the new year, let’s seek this kind of hope even in the face of catastrophe.

#jewish calendar #hebrew calendar #judaism #jewish #jumblr #nevi’im #Yekhezkiel #Sefer Yekhezkiel #Elul #5 Elul #🌒

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scribeforchrist-blog · 2 months

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Thoroughly Seeking & Listening To God

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK ========================= + John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God ========================= VERSE OF THE DAY  ======================== + Exodus 15:26 If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give ear to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your healer. ========================= SUBJECT: Thoroughly Seeking & Listening To God ========================= ** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS ** I AM A FRIEND OF GOD  I AM THOROUGHLY HEARING GOD  I AM THOROUGHLY SEEKING GOD  I AM DWELLING WITH GOD  ========================

READ TIME: 7 Minutes & 1 Seconds

======================= THOUGHTS: =======================  Diligently means doing it thoroughly and well; sometimes, we halfway do things or don’t do them with so much heart. I wash my car every Sunday. I go through this car wash, and it shines the tires, and then I go to this spot, and I vacuum and detail it and clean the windows; I even do the back seat even though I never put anything back there.   When I'm done, I’m proud of what I did because my car is clean, and I love my car to smell and look clean. Some days, if I don’t feel like it, I might just let it go through the car wash. I won't do anything else, but that’s what I do; some of us don’t be thorough with our walk with God; we do things halfway. We give him half of our heart, half of our time, and don’t focus on him because we think he’ll understand or he’ll be there &&& I know he won't leave me.  Every day, we shouldn’t fear that he won't be there because his word says, I’ll never leave you or forsake you . Still, God wants us to know we need to be thorough with what we do in our relationship with Him, be consistent with our prayer life, and be consistent with seeking him, and doing those things helps us build a relationship with God , God isn’t just a car we let go through a car wash and do half of everything , no he’s God the maker of the universe we should desire to do everything that’s required to build a relationship with him.   Today's verse says this: listen to God's voice thoroughly and do what is right in his sight. God sees everything, so whatever we do, he's watching us do it, good or bad, and he see when we keep his commandments. We shouldn’t just do some of them, we need to do all of them. The word tells us this.  James 2:10 For whoever keeps the whole law and stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.  It says whoever keeps the whole law yet stumbles with just one, is guilty of breaking them all; some of us aren’t mindful of his other laws and rules. Yes, Jesus died, so we won't have to depend on our ways, and he did away with the LAW BUT Jesus, WANTS US TO US THEM AS A —->>>guideline not to do what we want but a guideline to show us how to walk in him and how to be a person that honors God with our life.   God wants us to live a life free from thinking we must walk on eggshells, but we should walk in a way that pleases him. We do this by diligently seeking the voice of a God, always heeding his voice so we can get instructions about our life and day. The only way to build a relationship with God is to follow him; we might find this hard to do when we live in a way that doesn’t please God, but when we live in a way that pleases God, we don’t have to worry or be afraid all we have to do is walk in him   •Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  •Proverbs 16:7: When a man's ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies at peace with him.  •1 Thessalonians 2:4 But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.   The word tells us we can only please God through our faith and must believe that he exists. When we speak, it's not for man. It is to please God when we teach; our life must be pleasing to God, not everyone else; if everyone else around us doesn’t like our life and what we say and what we do, and we know our life pleases God, that’s all that matters, but we must hear from God so we can know we are at that point of pleasing him.  Some people won’t understand your walk, they won’t understand your relationship, and that’s okay too, but we must keep doing what we know he told us to do. Just like we DON’T do exactly what everyone says to do, we should do the same with our walk with God. We should ignore the different opinions of what people say, and only hear God's voice. 

***Today, we learned what God wants of us, what he requires of us, and how we can please him. We must seek him thoroughly. He must listen to him and seek him with our whole heart. Sometimes, it is hard because we have everyone telling us what to do, but we must look at his words. What did his voice say? What is he calling us to do today? God is not calling us to listen to the naysayers or to listen to everyone with a microphone; the most important thing we can do in our life right now is yield to him and not man.  It’s hard not to listen to people we deem as important . Still, those people can have it wrong, and if we don’t bring their words before God and God tells us no or yes, we shouldn’t listen to them because the enemy can use anyone to pull us away from God. And we never want to be pulled away from God. If you’re struggling to hear his voice, you’re struggling to ignore everyone else. Ask God to give you strength and power, and he will do it. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee ======================== PRAYER ======================== Heavenly Father, we thank you for today and your mercy and grace. We asked you to strengthen us through a hard time, but God guided us. Let us hear your voice and keep us strong. Forgive us if we did anything wrong. We asked you to help us to stay focused on you and hear your voice. We give you everything, and we thank you, Father; please help us to stick with you in our hard days in Jesus' Name, Amen ======================== REFERENCES  ======================== + Psalm 103:3 Who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,  + Psalm 41:3 The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness, you restore him to total health. As for me, I said, “O Lord, be gracious to me; heal me, for I have sinned against you  + Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ======================== FURTHER READINGS  ========================= Proverbs 1 Leviticus 1 Jeremiah 13 Matthew 11 =========================

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shizzlepianist · 1 year

Text

“good morning, dr. spengler..”————————————————-

a/n: WOOOOO my first EVER oneshot! excuse how terrible this may be, the last time i remember writing anything related to oneshots/fanfics was when i was about 11? soo if this is terrible then my sincerest apologies 😭

this is essentially an introduction between (Y/N) and Spengs, after you call for a Ghostbuster to come check out a paranormal experience happening in your home, and it just happens to be Egon.

FYI: This story uses the title ‘Miss’, when the character is being addressed, so just putting that out there first! Also, as I’m sure you’ll already know, (Y/N) and (L/N) refer to your first and last name.

There is also a usage of the word ‘God’, used in an expression-y sort of way, so if that offends anyone then please do let me know so I can change it for next time!

enjoy!! :)

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An abrupt clattering coming from your kitchen was what woke you up at nearly 4 a.m.

Thoroughly disturbed, you sat bolt upright and turned on your bedroom lamp, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and slowly moving out of bed to go investigate the mysterious noise.

Another bang.

You jumped about a foot off of the floor, before continuing and not letting your downright fear get the better of you.

Eventually, you reached the kitchen, and turned on the light. Three china plates had ‘mysteriously’ fallen out of the cupboard and smashed onto the floor. Little pieces of plate were scattered all over, much to your disappointment. As if on cue, a growling noise came from your pantry door. It took you less than a second to fling the door open and investigate what the noise was.

A vast, cloudy setting appeared in front of you, and an ancient building could be seen in the distance. “Z U U L”, cried a demonic voice.

That was it. The pantry door was slammed, the kitchen light was turned off and you were running back, screaming. Once you reached your bedroom, you wrapped yourself in the covers and tried desperately to fall back to sleep. No luck.

A few hours passed, and it was now a reasonable time to get up. You didn’t dare go near the kitchen, so you stayed in your apartment living room and turned on the TV.

You didn’t pay much attention to the TV for long, as you had your head stuck in a magazine you had found at the local newsagents. That was, until, you heard an advert on television.

“Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?” questioned a friendly-looking man, whose name tag read “STANTZ.”

A second man, named “SPENGLER”, asked, “Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?”

“Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, spectre, or ghost?” inquired the third, “VENKMAN”.

Stantz continued, “…if the panswer is yes then don’t wait another minute. Pick up your phone and call the professionals.”

“GHOSTBUSTERS,” they said in unison.

“Our courteous and efficient staff is on call twenty four hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs,” Stantz informed.

“We’re ready to believe you!” was the final sentence of the advert, but even before that you had already picked up your telephone and dialled the number on-screen.

Within seconds, a Long Island accent spoke down the phone.

“Hello, Ghostbusters, how can I help you?”

“Uh… t-… there was some strange noises coming from my kitchen this morning, like bangs, and.. and clatters, and then when I checked, three of my plates had been thrown on the floor and smashed. And then, and then… I heard snarling coming from my pantry, and there was this creature in there saying “Zuul.”Could you send someone to come check it out?” You said in one long, quick sentence.

“Absolutely, just let me know the address and I’ll send someone straight to you,” the lady replied.

Sure enough, you gave her your address. “Thank you!” you chimed, before putting the phone down and tidying up a little before the Ghostbuster arrived. Playing back the advertisement, you looked at the man whose name was “SPENGLER”.

He is incredibly handsome, you thought. You were hoping on the inside that Dr. Spengler would come and analyse the scene that had occurred in your-

Knock, knock.

Jeez, how close is the Ghostbusters’ office?

You opened the door to meet a tall, bespectacled man with a charming smile and slightly curly hair.

He held his hand out and smiled, “Dr. Egon Spengler, nice to meet you.”

“Good morning, Dr. Spengler,” you replied, your tummy filling with that butterfly feeling.

“Where was the ghost activity that happened this morning? Janine, our receptionist didn’t tell me anything except your address and that you needed some help,” he chuckled, making your heart skip a beat again.

“In there,” you pointed to the kitchen door.

“Okay, has there been any more phenomena since you called?”

You shook your head.

Egon held a device in his hand that had little arms protruding out of it, slowly lowering and then getting higher, then lower, and so on, and made his way into the kitchen.

“Oh, jeez, it seems you really did need our help,” claimed Dr. Spengler, directing his eyes to the pieces of china plate laying on the floor.

“What is that thing?” you asked, motioning to the thing he was holding.

“This is a PKE meter, we use them pretty often. It helps us detect how much supernatural activity there is in an area. If the arms are at a low height, then there’s little to no activity and no need for a full-blown bust. If the arms are right at the top, then it’s serious and we have to deal with it immediately. At the minute, the level of paranormal activity in your kitchen is just over halfway, which obviously isn’t ideal but not the worst.”

“Ohh,” you responded, nodding slowly.

Shuddering, Egon turned his attention to some gooey green slime that was collecting on the edge of the plate cupboard.

“Great. Ectoplasm,” he collected a little bit in a small plastic tub, before asking, “…would you mind coming back to the firehouse, just to run a few tests and to further investigate your phenomena?” questioned Spengler.

“No, no, I wouldn’t mind at all,” you smiled, leading Dr. Spengler out of your apartment, locking the door and heading down the building stairs to the Ghostbusters’ car.

When you arrived at the firehouse, the three scientists you had seen on TV, Venkman, Stantz (who had both introduced themselves to you as Ray and Peter) and Spengler were all asking you questions and running tests. Sticky pads wired up to a machine were attached to your temples, and you could see it was being managed by Dr. Spengler.

“What do you think it was that caused your plates to smash, Miss..?”

“(L/N). (Y/N)(L/N). Uh, I mean, I think it was a ghost or a spirit that did it, hence why I rang up this morning. I think it’s something like a… a.. poltergeist? Isn’t that a ghost that throws things?”

“You are absolutely fantastic, Miss (L/N). Absolutely phenomenal, that’s correct,” called Dr. Venkman, smiling and applauding you.

Egon rolled his eyes. “Venkman, will you quit trying to chat up our clients, please?” he remarked, while adjusting the tabs on your head and looking at the screen to his left.

Both you and Ray laughed, while Venkman’s facial expression was stone cold.

“I don’t think he found that very funny,” you laughed, which made Stantz roar with laughter again, and Peter leave the room.

“Alright, so your tests all seem to be normal, so that means whatever paranormal entity is in your apartment hasn’t reached you, thankfully,” concluded Egon, gently removing the testing tabs from you.

Picking up your bag and coat, you thanked the boys for their help, and made your way down the firehouse stairs.

You were swiftly followed by the Ghostbusters, who waved goodbye to you and asked you to call back if anything else happened.

As they turned away to walk back up the stairs, you called out,

“…Dr. Spengler?”

He turned on his heel quicker than he had arrived at your apartment. “Hm?”

“I- I’d like to give you this,” you slid a piece of paper with your number written on it into his hand, and smiled.

He looked down at it through his glasses, lifted his head up and smiled back.

“Thank you, Miss (L/N). I’ll make sure to give you a call at some point. Thanks again for calling this morning,” he put his hand on your shoulder, failing to wipe the smile off of his face. He was smiling like an idiot as he removed his hand from your shoulder and walked away.

When you had finally left the firehouse, you let out a sigh of relief mixed with infatuation.

God, he was handsome.

———————————————————————

ending a/n: help i feel like this is gonna be a flop with a capital F loool , if you enjoyed this let me know and i’ll make more ig?? have a great day/night everyone 😌😌

#egon spengler #ghostbusters #ghostbusters 1984 #egon #egon x reader

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 10 months

Text

Francis Drake Main Story

This is simply a fan translation of the game. Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

Chief Hunter: "Lass, are you a vampire?"

I involuntarily shrank back under his intense gaze.

However, if I hesitate here, it will only deepen his suspicions.

Mitsuki: “No, it’s not like that.”

Chief Hunter: “Then why do you have this blood?”

Mitsuki: “It’s for medical purposes.”

Chief Hunter: “Oh, so you’re a medical practitioner?”

The lie I blurted out on impulse was embarrassingly clumsy.

(I have no choice but to stick with the lie.)

Chief Hunter: “Your voice is shaking. Even if you lie, the truth will be exposed eventually.”

Mitsuki: “Anyone would be confused if they were suddenly questioned about something weird.”

Mitsuki: “Besides, do vampires really exist in this world?”

I feigned ignorance and expressed the kind of doubt a ‘normal person’ might have.

Without changing his expression, the man looked at me as if he were trying to assess me.

Chief Hunter: “You may act like you don’t know, but let me enlighten you.”

Chief Hunter: “Vampires do exist. That’s why we, the hunters, have been chasing them throughout history.”

Chief Hunter: “We protect humans from these monsters that feed on human blood. It is our mission and pride.”

(Monsters...)

The sound of disdainful words made my chest tighten painfully.

(The vampires I know are not monsters.)

(Some vampires never harm humans.)

Chief Hunter: “Remember this. As long as there are vampires, we will exist.”

Chief Hunter: "We will exterminate every single monster in this world."

With that declaration, the chief hunter turned his back on the cell.

Mitsuki: "Wait! If you suspect me, then please release Karen and the others!"

Chief Hunter: "No. There's no evidence that the child and you are not accomplices."

Chief Hunter: "Your vague testimony might have been an attempt to help you escape."

Chief Hunter: "Besides, vampires have blood relatives. At this point, I will thoroughly investigate the foreigners as well."

Mitsuki: "What do you plan to do with us?"

Chief Hunter: "It's simple. If you're human, I'll set you free. If you're a vampire, I'll pierce your heart in the name of God."

Mitsuki: ".........."

Chief Hunter: "But even then, if you cannot end your eternal life, I will seal you away forever."

Chief Hunter: "You will suffer from eternal hunger at the bottom of the earth or in the depths of the dark sea."

Without showing any mercy or hesitation, the chief and the hunters left.

He left us with words that conveyed such a strong sense of justice, determined not to forgive the absolute evil known as vampires.

(I'm glad it was me who got caught.)

(But it can't go on like this.)

If they investigated my background, suspicion would inevitably fall on the mansion.

Even Drake could be in danger.

(I absolutely can't let everyone be suspected of being vampires.)

(Also...)

I heard anxious voices and faint sobbing from the other prison cells.

These people were captured for the sole reason of being foreigners, just like me.

(They’re suffering because of me.)

Karen: "It's my fault."

The words I whispered in my heart echoed as I turned around.

Karen tightly clenched her hands and looked down.

Karen: “After I stole your stuff that day, those guys caught me.”

Karen: “I never thought that one theft would lead to something like this. You, and many others, got dragged into this.”

Mitsuki: “Karen.”

Karen: “Will they kill us because they suspect us of being vampires?”

Feeling Karen’s fear and regret, I gently wrapped my hands around hers.

Mitsuki: “Calm down. This isn’t your fault.”

Mitsuki: “Besides, putting us in cells like this means they’re not planning to do something right away.”

(The leader seemed to take pride in being a hunter.)

(If their mission is to protect humans, they wouldn’t kill us unless they were certain we were vampires.)

Hoping this wasn’t just wishful thinking, I smiled to ease her fear.

Mitsuki: “It must have been scary to get caught in a place like this.”

Mitsuki: “This is probably why you didn’t show up on the day of our meeting on the Seine River.”

Karen: “That's...”

Mitsuki: “Yet, despite that, I started having doubts. I’m sorry.”

She made a face that seemed like she was about to cry, and her lips trembled.

Karen: "Why are you apologizing? Why do you stupidly try to believe in me?"

Karen: "I don't even have a sick parent, and I never intended to keep that promise from the start."

Mitsuki: "Karen..."

Karen: "Even though you protected me and were kind to me when I shoplifted, I still laughed at you for being gullible."

Tears rolled down her eyes as she poured her heart out.

It was as if her facade of strength was crumbling away.

(Has she been living alone all this time?)

The thought of it made me feel overwhelmed, and I held Karen's thin body in my arms.

Mitsuki: "Thank you. I'm glad I believed in you."

Karen: "Why?"

Mitsuki: "Because you honestly told me the truth. That sincerity makes me happy."

I think it was because she felt guilty that she promised to see me again, even though she had no intention of keeping it.

Regretting dragging me and the others into this and crying was evidence that she still had kindness in her heart.

(I'm glad her heart hasn't frozen over.)

Karen: "Sorry, I'm so sorry."

The hand wrapped around my back tightly felt dear, and strong emotions welled inside me.

(I have to help her and the others.)

(But what should I do?)

(In times like this, what would Drake do?)

While thinking about it, a sudden idea crossed my mind.

------------Flashback-----------

Drake: “Next time, it’s my turn. If something happens to you, I will definitely help. I promise.”

---------Flashback Ends--------

(Drake…)

If Drake were to come and help, he might end up in a fight with the hunters.

Moreover, there was a risk that they would find out who he really was.

Considering all this, I couldn't bring myself to wish for his help.

(I want to believe in Drake.)

Regardless of whether he would actually come, just believing in him seemed to support my faltering spirit.

(Anyway, I can't give up.)

With renewed determination, I continued embracing Karen.

Meanwhile, deep within the mansion in the woods that night—

Comte: "No one has seen Mitsuki, right?"

Comte asked them, and the residents nodded with serious expressions.

They had all gathered in the living room, concerned that Mitsuki hadn't returned home even after nightfall.

Comte: "Today, I heard some concerning rumors from acquaintances in the social circle."

Mozart: "Rumors?"

Comte: "Apparently, foreign women have been disappearing in Paris."

Comte: "Tourists who came to visit the World's Fair, as well as those who came to work from other countries."

Comte: "Many of them, regardless of their age or status, have disappeared."

Leonardo: "I was just about to warn Cara Mia when she went missing."

Comte: "I'll go to the police to report. Still, we need to find clues about Mitsuki."

As the discussion progressed, footsteps approached from the hallway.

Appearing before them was一

Shakespeare: "Greetings. I apologize for not being the person you're looking for."

Shakespeare: "Considering Mitsuki's absence and the stern expressions on everyone's faces, it seems the situation has taken a turn for the worst."

Shakespeare understood the situation instantly.

Vincent: "Will, have you heard by any chance about the rumor regarding the disappearance of foreign women?"

Shakespeare: "Yes. I came here to inform you that Mitsuki could also become a target."

Shakespeare: "I'm not sure how much you all know, but there is some concerning information about this incident."

Dazai: "Any clues are welcome. Tell us, Shakespeare."

Shakespeare: "According to the testimony of the last person who saw the missing individual, she was accompanied by a mercenary-like man."

Vincent: "Mercenary?"

Shakespeare: "Aye. He was wearing a cloak and carrying a sword."

Comte: "Could it be a vampire hunter?"

Shakespeare nodded.

Shakespeare: "The reason is unclear, but there seems to be a possibility that the hunters are abducting foreigners."

Vincent: "Could it be that Mitsuki was taken because someone leaked our identities?"

Arthur: "That seems unlikely. For now, Mitsuki is more likely an individual who got caught up in this."

Theo: "If our identities were exposed, they would likely make direct contact with us."

Comte: "Yeah. Hunters have the duty to protect humans. They target vampires."

Comte: "If that's the case, I'm worried about the way they're acting. It seems as though they're convinced there's a vampire among the foreign women."

At that moment, Sebastian, who had been silently listening, raised his hand.

Sebastian: "May I interject for a moment?"

Sebastian: "This is just my speculation, but..."

The usually composed Sebastian continued speaking, his expression more serious than usual.

Sebastian: "Until recently, Mitsuki was delivering meals to Isaac's university."

Isaac: "I did ask her to. But since I heard about the hunters showing up, I asked her to bring me Blanc instead to ensure it wouldn't be suspicious if someone saw her."

Sebastian: "Yes. However, there was a day when we were out of Blanc, and she had to carry Rouge instead."

Sebastian: "If, unfortunately, someone saw her carrying it and the information reached the ears of the hunters..."

Sebastian lowered his gaze, as if blaming himself.

Leonardo: "It's not just your responsibility, Sebastian."

Leonardo: "But I see. In that case, it wouldn't be strange for Cara mia herself to be suspected as a vampire."

Leonardo: "The hunters were searching for Mitsuki based on the information of a foreign woman."

The possibility that emerged made everyone's faces more stern.

Jean: "What happens if she gets caught by the hunters?"

Drake: "Execution, undoubtedly."

Drake, sitting with his legs crossed on the sofa, uttered the words that cut through the tension.

It was the worst outcome that everyone had in the back of their minds.

Comte: "That's true. In the past, there were times when vampires would be executed on the spot once they were identified."

Comte: "But that was centuries ago. Even if they are hunters, I want to believe they won't do anything barbaric in this civilized society."

Drake: "You can't be sure about that."

Drake: "There are plenty of people who go against our expectations and do outrageous things."

Napoleon: "Drake has a point. In any case, we need to figure out a plan to help her."

Napoleon: "First, we need to find the hunters' whereabouts."

Drake: "If that's the case, he might be able to tell us."

Drake stood up from the sofa and opened the window in the living room.

With the flapping sound of wings, a red parrot(Draco) flew in.

Draco: "Fawn! Over there! Fawn! Over there!"

Drake: "Hm. There, there. Thanks, Draco."

Drake placed Draco on his arm and squinted his eyes at the parrot.

Then he muttered in a voice only he could hear.

Drake: "I'll repay the debt. I promised that to you, little fawn."

Drake: "Sorry, hunters. This time, I'm on the other side."

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp jp #ikevamp drake #ikevamp francis #ikevamp translations #cybird #ikevamp arthur

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foggylikemyvision · 2 years

Text

𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻?

okay so like yk how you get that Urge to bite people? I act on it a lot specifically with like my sibling n stuff. so just.. sagau with a hobgoblin creator. I personally can like vibrate myself and do an a+ goblin giggle and voice- even turning into mickey mouse on accident at times so like- shit wait why don't I just do 'reader but it's just me in genshin' ANYWAYS--

slight suggestive themes at Lisa and Miko's part but also it's Lisa and Miko what do you expect me to do? not make her kinky? lots of cussing. what do you expect from me? also jean and lisa were written at midnight and the rest at 7am :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jean Gunnhildr

So like she's just concerned-

cause you just walk up to her doing a little goblin giggle and give her a hug

and then she

she just feels your teeth sink into her forearm without warning

also the mass amounts of dishes and random shit around your work area??

and how you just don't fuckin sleep? ever?

and when you do you sleep for like an entire day straight????

You concern this woman.

Severely.

Ignore how she constantly gets Barbara on your case about eating and sleeping healthily.

it totally wasn't her she isn't concerned for you at all psh who do you take her for?

also ignore how you feel her relax now whenever you chomp into her

just a little chomp

a nibble.

Lisa Minci

when I tell you this bitch is kinky ASF

just moans as soon as she feels you nom her shoulder

it's ironic of course but this bitch sends you into shock!!

fucking goes 'augh harder daddy!'

you moan? you moan in readers ear like they are your lover? jail for Lisa!! jail for one thousand years!!!

goofiest mf you'll ever meet.

does apologize while laughing later but you are forever scarred

oh um also

she fuckin gets jean on your case

who then gets Barbara on your case.

who gets the whole of mondstadt on your case.

so like have that hehehehhe

when you vibrate I hate to say it but her mind goes to the most unholy places istg

has you say the lewdest shit in your mickey voice

lowkey threatens you

she forces you to take naps with her

Venti

goblin ass mf

bites you back. doesn't apologize.

this bitch bites HARD

you go around pranking the citizens of mondstadt together

definition of *bites you cutely*

chaos bringer with you

he force feeds you apples and water

oh and he will make you float if you refuse to clean your shit

if you have a fear of heights?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

all jokes aside probably the chillest out of mondstadt.

doesn't really care

he's a biter too tbh

ACTUALLY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BITE, CHOMP, AND NOM. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

NO ONE GETS IT RIGHT!!!!

fyi bite is malicious, chomp is playful, and nom is just soft.

also forces you to take naps with him.

bullies you up into the windrise tree lmao will not let you get down

finds it funny when he lifts you into the air and you panic

and just turn into fucking MICKEY MOUSE

Amber

does not care about the biting

noms you back aswell

this bby dealt with collei's emo ass she can put up with you

completely oblivious to the fact you're constantly moving in some way

sometimes is a goblin with you

you two annoy eula together

she gives you a non-explosive baron bunny because you're one of her favorite persons yk?

enjoys your mickey voice thoroughly

warmest bitch

if you cold? hell yeah cuddles

if you're touchstarved? hell yeah cuddles

she will DROWN YOU in affection

has bitten you before

loves you /p or /r its up to you the author has no opinion

deals with your damn bone crunches and helps you work by humming slightly

helpful little baby

i dont know if you can tell but i really love amber she hHhhjm

Shenhe

also a chaos bringer

but in a calmer way

doesn't really understand the biting but is okay with it

is practically your bodyguard

just with more affection

and love

and okay she's nothing like your bodyguard

doesn't know how to get you to clean your shit

just cleans it up for you a lil

does get fed up with you sometimes and just leaves for a few days??

i dont know either

shenhe is concerned with how you just summon the souls of the damned in the middle of a conversation- sometimes on accident, even.

you could be playing uno or something with shenhe, paimon, and the traveller and then suddenly just rip your vocal chords to shreds after they +4 stack you.

its really funny to watch actually :))

you both have godawful sleep schedules and diets.

she cannot help you.

tldr clueless dumbass in the best way

Ganyu

she sleeps through everything you do

if you're tired you two just evaporate

also she is confused the first time you bite her but afterwards she doesn't really care

will hold your hand while she's working and apologizes if she needs 2 hands to do something

you have to beg her to take time off which is incredibly funny considering its coming from you

overall she's just so cute i love her

drown her in affection!!!

do it!!!

Raiden Ei

ditzy airhead

as usual ofc

she is completely oblivious to your chomping because if this is pre-traveler then she just cannot feel it. the shogun cannot feel

she has no nerves lmao

post-traveler she is just.. concerned?

why the fuck did you just bite her what the fuck is wrong with you??

doesn't get the Urge

yells at you gently to clean up your shit in the most passive-agressive way possible because jfc she can smell it from the next room over and why the hell are you sleeping on the ground go get into bed

laughs at you

if you're feeling touch-starved she just,,, sits there. gives you sweets.

idk what you really wanted she's also touch-starved she hasn't had human contact in 500+ years

100% tries to sic sara on you at least once

ignore her she's wanted in several countries

Yae Miko

also a kinky mf

but in a different font

bites you back maliciously

also chomps you but its usually malicious

similar to venti in several ways and also similar to lisa in another several ways

beats you up if you don't clean up your shit and doesn't eat and drink a healthy amount

moans in your ear like lisa

except she does it and then bites you

doesn't apologize either

teases you relentlessly

miko 100% has tried to push you down the mountain at least once

it was very funny

wants your readussy /p /j

overall she's mean to you and i love her for it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lmao sucks to suck they all bite you >:)

-myx

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narcolini · 1 year

Text

for brothers, pt. 3

angel reyes x oc: tatiana ‘pidge’ clarke, hurt/comfort, 2358 words

for day 10 of whumpril : shivers & ‘i’m scared’

a/n: omg i knOW i know. i know i said the last one was just an extra scene/epilogue but now theres another part and kjSHFgj`hfg its fine. its fine. the fic is sentient. thanku to @cositapreciosa for prompting this

tagging: @drabbles-mc @hausofmamadas @darqchilddaydreamz

Tati’s shaking when she finally finds the courage to knock, stood on Angel’s doorstep at God know’s what time. Not from fear, but from the cold that’s sunk itself beneath her skin, gripped the bones like a vice. She shouldn’t have left without a coat, shouldn’t have abandoned the Jeep three miles down the road. She shouldn’t be doing any of this at all.

He takes a minute to answer. She stares at the chipped paint in front of her, hearing him shuffle behind, before light finally tips out into the night. He’s got the door open just enough to see who it is, and his arm's tucked back behind his shoulder, gun in hand. She knows to expect it.

‘Woah. Shit, Tati.’ He swings the door open, stepping in front of it. He’s half dressed: jeans, a-tank, handgun. ‘You okay?’

‘No, not really,’ she answers, not bothering with pretences. He’s knows her well enough to know she’s not from looks alone. Her teeth are chattering between the words. ‘Can I come in?’

He hesitates, just long enough to make her feel real shitty about herself, real stupid and careless, and selfish for showing up here, for letting her feet carry her here on autopilot, but then he nods. Steps aside. Lets her in without any judgement at all—well, with only a hint of it.

He locks the door behind her, leaves the gun on the side table. ‘You couldn’t call or something?’

She scans the room. Dark, minus a lamp in the corner and the glow from the muted TV. Warm, too. Like he’s had a fire lit, but that’s just her. Just the difference of being in here and not out there, with the cold that’s chilled her so thoroughly. There’s a throw along the floor by the couch, thrown off, no doubt, at her arrival.

‘Were you asleep?’ she asks, forgetting he had wanted an answer out of her first.

‘Nah, I was just… I was up, yeah, watching TV and shit.’

Couldn’t sleep either, then. Probably as worried as she is, though he’d never admit it unless he had to. Unless he was having a fucking panic attack and she just happened to be there when he did. Vulnerability was the one thing that didn’t survive their break-up, a sacrifice that she didn’t used to mind. Now, she wants to ask how his chest feels, how the anxiety sits beneath his ribcage. If it weighs the same as her’s does, if it makes him do dumb shit like walking around in the middle of the night. If it’s even there at all.

‘Sorry, I should’ve called, you’re right.’ She nods, pulling her arms into herself. He may as well know the truth of it, the order of bad decisions that led to her being here. ‘I got, I don’t know, freaked out, and I just had to go for a drive or something. Couldn’t sit inside anymore. But then the jeep reminded me of EZ, and I kept picturing him there, in the back. The blood.’ She gulps. ‘Really fucking crazy shit, man.’

Angel walks past as she explains, then bends to hook the throw with his fingers and bring it up from the floor. Not to put it back on the couch, she realises, but to put it over her shoulders instead. No comment, no disruption to her story. Just the blanket around her, a tight-lipped smile, and then a sigh as he drops into the couch afterwards.

‘I pulled up at a gas station and left it there,’ she continues. ‘Walked around a bit and then, I don’t know. I realised I was walking here and I’d come too far to turn around again, and it was so fucking cold that I just thought—’

‘It’s cool, Tati,’ he interrupts, dragging it out. ‘I’m not mad’

‘But it’s not fair for me to just show up like this.’

‘So? None of anything we’ve seen this week has been fair.’

Not exactly true, though, is it? Because EZ started the shit with Yuma, but she can’t say that to him now.

When she doesn’t reply, he rolls his eyes and gestures to the seat behind her. ‘Will you just sit down, Pidge, we’re past all this shit. You know I’m here for you.’

She does as he says, landing with a thud. ‘Still feel like shit about it, though.’ If she had anyone else to go to, she would, but it’s just him. Especially at this hour.

He laughs, rubbing a palm over his brow. ‘Yeah, likewise. You think it feels good every time I need you for something?’

No, but she doesn’t mind helping. It’s the only thing that brings them together anymore. Besides, he’s yet to show up at her place in the middle of the night, shivering and desperate for it. Who knows how she’d feel then, how disrupted sleep would shape itself in he. She might not be generous at all, if roles were reverse. She might not wrap him in her blanket and let him babble about his night unprovoked.

‘You want a coffee?’ he asks, leaning his elbows on his knees. ‘A sweater?’

She nods. ‘Both would be good.’ She’d never have asked for them herself.

When he’s back, with two coffees and a hoody that smells like him, she’s finally starting to warm up. The extra layers and the caffeine does more than she expected them too. She’s no longer shivering, no longer doubting her right to be here, to come to him, no longer focusing on the tightness of her breath. If it’s not them, it’s him. His company has drawn the chill out and put her head straight again.

He’s sitting opposite her now, looking the same as he had when she arrived. Tired, indifferent, lived-in like she’s seen a thousand times before. If you went back a year, this is how it always was. Angel tired, worn through from the day, and Tati awake, just to be awake with him.

‘You gonna tell me what it is then,’ he says, resting the mug on his thigh. ‘Don’t think I’ve ever seen you worked up enough to go walking round, freezing your ass off. Not since that Potter bullshit, anyway.’

Not since the DEA had a target on Angel’s back and she was helpless to it. Just like now, really. Different shooter, same victim.

‘What’s got you so spooked?’ he asks, insistent on it now, and nudging the hesitance out of her.

‘Honestly,’ she pauses, incase she changes her mind last minute, and tucks the confession back to bed, before deciding, no, fuck it. She is, and she’ll tell him. ‘I’m scared, Angel. Like, really fucking scared.’

He frowns, which isn’t the reaction she was expecting. She didn’t think he’d crumble, obviously, or rush over to comfort her, but she expected more than that at least. More than brows tucked together and a squint like he can’t make her out.

‘The shit with EZ, Yuma. You.’ She forces a breath. ‘It’s freaking me out.’

‘But why?’ he asks. ‘None of this is new to you.’

She scoffs, yeah, that she’s aware of. It’s been years since she had the right to be surprised, or overly concerned, about club business. But this is different. Because they’re different.

‘Before, if something happened to you…’ She puts her hands to her face, fingertips against her temples then combing through her hair. ‘Fuck, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m saying something I’m not.’

His lips pull down around the mouthful of coffee he’s just taken, a grimace, almost, as he swallows. ‘You wanna translate that for me?’ he says afterwards, nervous humour in his voice. ‘The fuck does that mean?’

He expects her to laugh back, probably, to tell him to engage his brain for once, but the words are already fighting through the lump in her throat. Now’s not the time to waste them with jokes, or bickering. Whatever the fuck it is they do now.

‘If something happened to you,’ she explains, slowly, ‘like, right now.’ She gulps, and the more she speaks, the more she’s sure she shouldn’t—but there it goes, out of her lips anyway. ‘I don’t know that I wouldn’t spend my whole life regretting how we left things. How we’re leaving things.’

He looks down, away from her, like the woven rug beneath his feet is calling his name. She carries on like she hasn’t noticed. Don’t read into it, Pidge. It’s too late to go back now.

‘I’m not saying we should get together again. Or assuming you’d even…God. I don’t know.’ It’s not making any more sense now she’s putting it out there, a voice to the thoughts that’ve been tormenting her all week. If anything, it’s just tightening their grip on her, stirring the worry into a real threat. ‘It just feels different now, and it scares me.’

She waits for a nod, a reaction. He doesn’t move.

‘I can’t stop thinking about wasted time,’ she admits.

He snorts then, so sudden that it’s a surprise to both. ‘Wasting what? I see you all the time, Tati. We’re, y’know.’ He shrugs. ‘We’re good.’

‘Are we?’

‘Are we not?’

He isn’t getting it. Or maybe she’s the one not getting it. Maybe the only thing stopping her from saying that she would want to fix things, to get back together, is the self-awareness that she shouldn’t. Can’t. Won’t, until he gives any sign that he’s thinking it too.

‘Let’s just leave it,’ she says, falling into the cushion behind. ‘I’m clearly not thinking straight.’

Clearly, the shock of their rescue mission, of EZ half dead and bloodied, has taken a week to hit her, caught up at last and pushed her off the rails—straight into Angel’s easy-lounger. She doesn’t want to be with him—it doesn’t work, didn’t work—she just can’t face losing him, either. That’s all it is. If the worst happens, she doesn’t want to have forfeited her right to mourn.

Angel sighs, leaning back as she had, in his own seat on the couch. His arm goes up behind his head, face pointed to the ceiling. Thinking, hopefully, running desperate through his rationale the way she is. ‘You know, for once, Pidge, I actually think you should keep talking.’

She snorts. ‘Let me guess, so I can bore you to sleep?’

‘Nah.’ He rocks his head—a shake without any of the effort—and ignores her sarcasm completely. ‘So I can understand,’ he says. ‘You know I don’t think about stuff like this. Just block it out and keep shit moving.’

‘Yeah, maybe I should try that.’ Her method hasn’t helped tonight. It’s only made things worse, made her problem, his. ‘I don’t even know what I’m saying,’ she admits. ‘I’m just so fucking scared of regretting things. I don’t want to regret this,’ she points between him and herself, though he isn’t watching, ‘but I know that we don’t work.’

There’s a mark still, invisible but printed around them both. They had gotten worse and worse; bickering, arguing, fighting until they hated each other. It’s been six months now, and it only just starting to fade. Only loosening enough for moments like these.

‘Well, you must know something I don’t,’ he jokes, ‘cause I’m really not seeing the problem.’

‘Yuma,’ she stresses. ‘That shit isn’t just gonna go away, Angel.’

‘Not that part. The you fucking regretting this, part.’ He looks up at last, head lifting from the back of the couch to catch her gaze. ‘Does it look like I’m going anywhere? Shit, does it look like I want you to either? Whatever we got going on, it’s as much as a relationship as it was before.’

‘Angel.’

‘I’m serious.’ A smile creeps onto his features, eyes alight with the joke before he’s even said it. ‘You think I have time to get another girl while you’re still all up in my shit?’

Tati laughs, against her will, but it helps. ‘Asshole.’

‘Like, you really are cramping my style, Pidge.’

‘Okay, stop it. I’m fragile.’ But smiling, somehow, and then the laugh drops into a sigh, and the point of it—the actual point of what he said—comes back like a freight train. He’s not going anywhere. He doesn’t want her to either, regardless of where things stand.

‘Fuck,’ she breathes. He’s made her cry, somehow, but she can lie to herself and say that it’s not him, it’s the night she’s had. It’s the Jeep at the gas station, it’s the blanket round her shoulders and the almost-dead, almost-brother, and not Angel, that’s brought the wet to her eyes. ‘God, I hate this. ’

There’s a gap beside him on the couch, under his bent elbow, and he invites her to it, flicking his chin. ‘Come here,’ he says, soft, familiar. Too late into the night to care about their boundaries. ‘Gonna make me fucking depressed, watching you cry and shit.’

She snorts, standing and bringing her bundle of comforts with her. ‘That was my plan all along,’ she replies, barely managing the sarcasm. ‘Gotta drag you down with me.’

‘Yeah, real sweet.’

His arm drops as she does, settling around her shoulders, as she settles around him. Cheek to his chest, arm threaded between his waist and the cushions. As normal as it used to be. One thing less to regret.

‘You wanna crash here?’ he asks, thumb smoothing over her arm. ‘I’ll take the couch. Drop you back at your car in the morning.’

She should say no, but there are worse things she could do. And he’s warm, warmer than she has been all night, hot beneath her like he’s running a fever.

‘Are you sure?’

He tuts. ‘Man, if you make me beg, I’m taking it back. You can walk your ass right back to where you came from, Tatiana.’

‘Alright,’ she laughs, ‘fine. Thank-you. I’ll take it.’

There are worse things she can do, there are worse things that could happen.

>>> bonus scene

#angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes x oc #angel reyes #mayans mc fanfic #whumpril2023 #tati pidge #the way im gonna have to go rename the last one and my links KjSHFKGJH #theyre living in my brain #a land grab

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rivetingrosie4 · 2 months

Text

what must it be like to reach under the covers and find someone there? 💔

To say I am lonely for touch and love doesn't begin to describe it. I am never ever, ever touched, any kind, even the smallest way. The closest thing I get is my mother brushing my hair sometimes, when I beg her. She doesn't understand that I'm desperate because it's all the physical contact and affection I ever get in this pitiful life. That doesn't even really count; it's the brush touching me. No one on Earth has any reason to touch me.

I cannot put into words how lonely I am for touch that lasts. Touch that doesn't go away in 0.2 seconds after going months of 0.0. Touch with a person who loves me, that I don't have to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. And what makes it harder and more deeply terrifying is I know I will never get anything like that. I know it as a fact. For me, it is all pure fantasy.

I do not want to kiss or have sex with a stranger!!! Why the hell is that so hard for people to understand?! 💔💔💔

I try to find ways to try to communicate to people what I'm experiencing. I do not have hope for good things. I literally cannot see good possibilities for me for the future. So for me, there's no difference between the words "I do not hope" and "I do not have hope." Because for me, it's very real. For me, it feels as strong as reality. I do not have hope of meeting anyone who can love me. I do not have hope of having children. These were my dearest dreams in all of life, the ones that have made up my soul from the beginning. I don't know what to say when people try to encourage me by saying I may meet someone in the future. I longed for a relationship with someone in which I could know him as well as possible, and this meant I dreamed of a loving relationship with someone from a somewhat younger age. That dream is already dead. I dreamed of carrying my own baby and being an energetic, strong, and capable birth mother. That dream dwindles and fades every year. I have been living with a mixture of fear, panic, and sorrow; and the.more time goes by, it's becoming only sorrow. It's a strange kind of grief, for no one that ever was or may ever be.

More and more and more, I've been coming to realize that there are additional, even more serious things that keep me from finding and experiencing love than just my looks. The older and older I get, everyone around me is married. Then, some are divorced with kids, which I have sincere concerns about getting involved with and simply don't want to. Then, everyone my age has extensive romantic relational and sexual experience. (I know that even the relational side must be a really big deal, because the older we get, the more settled we are in our daily routines, beliefs, and comforts.) No one my age wants someone with 0.000% experience in either of those things. No one. NO. ONE. Who wants to be with a 30+ person who has never had sex, never been in a relationship, never been on a date, never kissed, never even held hands?! Honest to God, who would ever want someone like that! It will only get worse and worse.

And while all of that's true, here I am, someone who would need much more trust—relational and experiential trust—with someone than the average person to feel comfortable, at ease, and loved. None of this adds up to the remotest possibility of me even getting a chance to know and experience love with someone. Because no one wants someone like me, and the older I get, the worse and worse it will be.

I am now so remote in the world, it's not even a question of a possibility for me. I'm alone in nearly every way a person can be, and am having to look at being alone through forever. I cannot put into words how thoroughly hopeless and despairing I feel and am. And what makes being this deeply lonely and alone even more painful, is that by necessity, I must go through that alone too. There is no one beside me each day. It's just me. I only live in my head. I don't know how I'm going to make it all the way to the natural end of life like this. I don't. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Not even to mention my dear dreams and deep longings for a child, which is pure fantasy and not remotely possible either because of all this.

I cannot begin to imagine lovemaking; I can only guess. This is why it's often so painful for me to write or read smut.

And then when I try, when I really try hard to immersively imagine loving touch and lovemaking, I think of how overwhelmingly wonderful it must be—how filled with violently intense, vivid emotions it could be for me: love, longing, fear, desire, joy, passion, terror, not to mention finally being physically connected and touched with an entirely other human's body. And what if I were to cry? What if it were so overwhelming for me, that I cried? And what if it freaked him out, enough that he threw me away? Just like almost everyone else has.

Any kind or amount of loving touch is just a fantasy for me. It's only a fantasy.

#thoughts #life things #me #💔#tw: loneliness #tw: hopelessness #personal #personal vent #childless not by choice #tw: touch starved

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thesherrinfordfacility · 1 year

Note

Wow, I just fell down the rabbit hole of your master meta list a few days ago and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of the ride. Your analyses are discerning, clear, compassionate and fascinating. I have a thought to add to a question you posed and a question I would love to get your insight on.

First though I want to preface both notes by saying how much I appreciate your thoughtful and articulate analysis of Crowley’s character, as well as Aziraphale’s, but particularly the flaws in both, and particularly the flaws in Crowley’s, which covers areas of his character that are so often overlooked (antichrist kill foist off is offender #1). I love both of these characters, and the fandom, and I have also noticed a tendency in fanfic as well as some portion of the fandom to cast Crowley as the romantic hero, utterly devoted to A, completely besotted, wrapped around A’s finger, demon with a heart of pure gold - when from all we’ve been shown in canon he’s much more complex (they both are) and much more self serving, as well as much more manipulative - though who knows how consciously this manipulation is done, based on where he (and A) came from, which is what I get into more in this note.

(There’s also this distilling I see happening to One hero (C) and One damsel/object for him to rescue and pine over (A) rather than seeing them both as equal hero/ines and culprits both and I could definitely write a whole essay about why we as a culture are primed to look for, see and then die on the hill of these roles, but I am going to try and stay on point here.)

Point #1: in relation to a question posed in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/thesherrinfordfacility/725485403433484288/lwa-lol-no-that-wasnt-me-i-wasnt-surprised

In regards to - why does Crowley hide the full play by play of the execution from A?

My thought is that it could be due to his trauma.

In s1 he references falling due to “only” asking questions. He’s shown directly asking god a question once with visible fear and the fate of the entire planet at stake at motivator for why he would risk this again. He yells at A about god acting in mysterious ways and “not talking to anyone about it” which feels like an important comment for him to make - the not talking about things to anyone. There’s already enough here to conclude that he has trauma is based around information, questions, secrecy and transparency. On a conscious and/or subconscious level he’s learned truth/openness/questions/transparency = Not Safe. This is confirmed with what we see of AWCW in s2 when it’s confirmed that he was asking questions and wanting full transparency (and in s2 we see him completely floored by Job just being able to ask god questions). Thus we get the post-fall Crowley who puts on a very carefully constructed mask of an appearance, literally masking the arguably most expressive part of his face, and who has a habit of chronically not telling the whole story or sometimes any part of the story whatsoever. While I agree with your many insightful analyses about this coming from his desire to be the hero for Aziraphale (limiting/controlling A’s agency) and for his own hero narrative, I think that’s one part of it and that there are other times (like the question in this post) when he hides things for no clear reason, and I think it’s both from the initial trauma as well as his added trauma from being an agent of hell who had to really double down on “transparency is not safe” to survive in hell for millennia.

For example, in s1e1 on the bench at the zoo C casually mentions the hell hound as though A should already know about this, then seems sort of surprised that A doesn’t know this and then rolls right into dismissing its importance. This always felt like a trauma response to me, having personally witnessed a lot of examples of disassociation from trauma in my line of work, specifically trauma related to sharing information/asking questions. My take was that he doesn’t remember not telling A, but doesn’t want to admit that, so he acts like it doesn’t matter. And now that we officially have the implication from s2 that there’s a memory wipe to deal with on top of his (probable) disassociation, which makes me wonder how much Crowley honestly knows that he’s telling and how much he’s honestly intending to conceal. I agree that he hides that he’s living in the Bentley to preserve his image to Aziraphale and that that’s a deliberate choice, but I wonder overall if he’s even able to keep track of what he’s saying and not saying.

This is actually giving me a new thought as of now about the final 15 - when he’s confronted by Maggie and Nina and he says “oh yeah we talk all the time, been talking for /millions/ of years.” The millions could just be an exaggeration, just like I think him saying that “they’ve spent their existence pretending that they’re not” is a dramatic exaggeration, but maybe he has no idea how long they’ve actually known each other? And a vague sense of what they’ve even talked about? I’ve worked with people who have trauma and disassociation from families that kept secrets and refused to answer questions and sometimes they remember what really happened, sometimes they remember the family lie, and sometimes they’ve deleted the incident entirely-sometimes all this from one person during different conversations. Anyway, this could add another layer of context to why, instead of breakfast at the ritz, he’s suddenly determined to have the conversation he’s not entirely sure how much of that they’ve previously had or haven’t had and isn’t sure how to say it and is not catching on to everything A is trying to express (and as to what tf that is boy have I had questions, and your posts have offered a lot of insight that hadn’t occurred to me - a dm for another time.)

But to go back to the question of why not tell A everything that went down in the execution - you’d think he’d be happy to rely the entire incident to prove both A wrong in choosing heaven sort of in s1 (part of my question in the next message) and/or prove his point about heaven being as wrong as hell. Instead we are never shown him sharing the details and it seems implied that he hasn’t. Based on his trauma—maybe it’s because he’s so used to keeping secrets at this point, maybe it’s because it’s useful to have information only he knows that might benefit him at some point in the future, and/or maybe he’s having a trauma response to the entire incident and is completely disassociating, either from his own fall or because of his feelings for A or both. When he confronts Jim/briel about it he only does so after we see him pour out the last of a bottle of wine he drank alone and it’s definitely not a well thought out confrontation. It feels emotional and spur of the moment, and at least one bottle of wine is involved, which tracks with the state people sometimes need to be in to confront a traumatic memory. And going back to how he’s had to learn to keep secrets and possibly disassociates - does he even know he hasn’t given A the whole play by play? He tells him Gabriel wanted to throw him in hellfire - maybe he honestly thinks he’s told A the whole story and that’s part of his fury and rejection of A wanting to help Jim. He’s such an unreliable narrator, and there’s both the memory wipe and disassociation at play - we just don’t know.

Anyway, thank you for reading this far if you have! Part 2 to follow with my question and I promise it will be much shorter! 🙏

oh my goodness, hi @on-till-morning!!!✨

what a lovely couple of messages to wake up to, that's so kind of you to say and im so happy that you like my ramblings!!! thank you ever so much!!! I hope you don't mind, but I've condensed both of your really thought-provoking asks into one, just so hopefully my answer flows a bit better?

screenshot of second ask, and answer, under the cut!!!

lets get cracking!!!✨ i really like your analysis on crowley's learned behaviour that transparency is not a concept with which he feels comfortable, and this is represented in not only how he physically presents himself, but also in his actions and behaviours - that secrecy, and keeping to the dark, is safer and offers more protection. it's well argued and supported, and I do agree that there must be a factor of this at play in his characterisation.

i think the thing that i take issue with in parsing out crowley's trauma (because he evidently has it - and your ask summarises elements of this beautifully) is that many associate his trauma to the fall. but honestly? that reason has never sat entirely comfortably with me. my first draft of this response had about nine vaguely-argued reasons for this, but i've narrowed it down to two specific points:

* * * * *

his body language, delivery, and general behaviour both on the wall of eden, and in mesopotamia, do not match with what i would recognise as a trauma response to the fall - in fact, his characterisation is much closer to that of AWCW's rather than the crowley we later see. we could read this as dissociation, but i personally don't think it's this at all. his behaviour changes after the flood, and going into ACtO, which indicates to me that his bitterness and resentment doesn't stem from the fall itself, but from the fact that - in his eyes - god has not learnt anything from the fall. now, we as the audience can have our speculation on who caused the fall, was it meant to happen, what is god's true will, etc. but from crowley's perspective, he is witnessing continuous events where god and heaven are causing unnecessary suffering, disguised as tests and trials, right up until 2019 - "you said you were going to be testing them, but you shouldn't test them to destruction..." - where the apocalypse is just a line too far.

we then also have the mirrored conversation between ACTO and the bandstand scene in s1:

c: "what do you know about what i want" // c: "i won't be forgiven, not ever."

a: "i know you."

c: "you do not know me." // c: "that's part of a demon's job description. 'unforgivable', that's what i am."

a: "...i know the angel you were-" // a: "you were an angel once."

c: "the angel you knew is not me." // c: "that was a long time ago."

2. cont'd: crowley's last lines for me here are rather opposite in sentiment. in the first, he's bitter and dismissive, categorically distancing himself as the person he is in ACtO from the angel to whom aziraphale is referring; that they are two separate entities and never the twain shall meet. in the bandstand scene, he acknowledges his former angelic self, and by doing so appears to have somewhat reconciled that this former person is in fact part of him. that suggests to me, in part, some form of healing; that doesn't mean that he isn't still confused or angry about the fall and some trauma may be underlying, but it strikes me that this is a part of his history that doesn't have the same sting as it once did.

(still cont'd): it is however his assertion that he is unforgivable that is the most interesting to me in this scene, because to me his conclusion for this fact confers to me two possible eventualities that we have not seen in the narrative:

a) he may have at some point asked god for forgiveness, not gotten an answer, and has accepted that (which corresponds neatly to his aversion to "i forgive you", and "[god] not talking to any of us"), or

b) that this is a rhetoric that has been drummed into him from hell (which i'm less inclined to support as fully; the first option is supported narratively, and this option would suggest that crowley listens to hell in any capacity - but that being said, this could be contributory to his carriage and personality shift between mesopotamia and uz).

(to be honest, both of these could be true, and feed into each cyclically - hell tells him he's unforgivable, god doesn't disagree, on and on it goes.)

* * * * *

now, both of the above could be turned entirely on its head by taking into account the memory-wipe theory. i do think memory manipulation is going to play some part in s3, and explaining some parts of the issues with crowley and his recount of the fall, but i'm reluctant to fully chalk everything up to the fact that it was because crowley can't remember it - i think this potentially erases too much accountability on his part for his own actions. this is similar to how I feel about his actions being excused by trauma; whilst i certainly believe that some of his decisions and actions are, like you said, potentially borne out of trauma, and that makes elements of his actions understandable and empathetic, it does not give him license to shirk accountability for them, nor make them justifiable.

but in essence, as it currently stands, i agree that crowley has issues with transparency and openness; i'm just not convinced this is wholly to do with the fall, but instead that he takes issue with fact that god/heaven has not learnt from the fall. saying it again - this for me is apparent in the "you said you would be testing them, but you shouldn't test them to destruction..." line; he's, as you said, concerned for the fate of the world, especially if you consider that like the fall, like the flood, and like job, it's all set up as a test. in his mind - why hasn't god learnt from the last time they tried to test something to destruction? why would god encourage this on the innocent, those that are still learning - those that are just asking questions? i think crowley has largely accepted what happened to him, but cannot understand why it seems to him that only he is the one to see that it shouldn't be repeated.*

this is what i think 'his side' in job is largely borne from, and is the beginning of his propensity towards embodying a hero-narrative. to be completely reductive about it, i think sometimes crowley does see himself as the saviour of the story (certainly supported by some of his lines in s2), and aziraphale to be either - as you put it - the damsel/object character in the piece, and/or the sidekick. when aziraphale speaks up and offers himself as an equal party, this rocks that dynamic - so like the bench scene where crowley mentions the hellhound, and aziraphale challenges him, this could in part be dissociation (far be it for me to argue with a - i'm surmising - MH professional, of course!), but i personally read this as superiority. crowley didn't think it was important information because he was sure his plan would work (and that the dog would be sent away unnamed), and therefore it never came up because he deemed it irrelevant. it's only when aziraphale entertains the possibility that the hellhound could derail the scheme that the narrative track changes, to which aziraphale offers up a solution (to stop the dog).

when it comes to lying about living in the bentley, i do like your point that crowley may not be able to actually keep track of what he's revealing and what he's concealing, but this again comes back to my personal aversion to this being a side-effect of the memory wipe theory or indeed a result of dissociation through trauma. i personally think crowley is just a very good, and prolific, liar. he asks aziraphale in s1 if "[he] would lie to [him]", as if he doesn't, but we know that he does. we literally see him lie (largely by omission, granted) to aziraphale throughout s1 and s2, and he certainly has a proclivity for lying to everyone else (i realise that hell are portrayed as being a little bit dim, but i don't think that's wholly true - i think crowley shrewdly capitalises on their little understanding of earth and its goings-on). i think this goes some way to arguing that him getting caught up in figurative knots is not due to misremembering what he reveals/conceals, but instead that he perhaps tells so many half-truths that he can't keep them straight anymore.

i completely agree with your reading of crowley's lines about knowing aziraphale for "millions of years" etc. there is no timescale before The Beginning that can be quantified, and so 'millions of years' does probably hit the mark as close to the truth as we or he can describe to humans (how do you tell humans with a lifespan of c. 85 years that you have known another being beyond infinity, beyond time?). but 'been talking to [aziraphale]' for that time? same as you, it strikes me as an exaggeration based off of the narrative we have so far - we only have the one pre-fall scene, and if consider how they react to each other on the wall of eden, and the times they meet thereafter... that doesn't quite ring true in the way that i think crowley thinks he means. they were acquaintances, at best, for a good proportion of their association.

the same goes for "spent our entire existence pretending that we aren't [a group of the two of us]"- this reads to me as a complete romanticisation of their dealings with each other, especially in the earlier days of their history where the narrative only supports that they came together at certain points, and even out of those points only a couple showed them working in tandem with each other. even the arrangement is indicated to be borne out of self-serving interest; of course, crowley might have internally meant it as a way of getting to spend more time with aziraphale, or that during the course of the arrangement it came to mean that, but we have no narrative confirmation of either. so, I essentially refer back to my point about lying: it seems to me that crowley is able to lie to others well, but potentially to no one better than himself. i personally don't think it's anything to do with his memory, even if only for the view that i think it would remove too much accountable characterisation from him. i'd rather he be fundamentally flawed in true character than an external force dictate his character for him - same as aziraphale and the coffee theory, in essence.

when we come to the hellfire execution, i do think in part it's because crowley's scared as a result of what happened, and what it directly means for aziraphale's safety - a trauma response, like you said. but i don't think that's the whole reason. i do still think, as i said in the LWA response you linked, that it's in part because he wants to shelter aziraphale from knowing how much of an outsider he is to heaven, something that he knows is important to aziraphale, even if it would be in crowley's interests to tell aziraphale exactly this - in this respect, this is truly a grey-area decision in which crowley responds arguably selflessly. but i do also think it's potentially crowley misappropriating aziraphale's trust in him. that crowley sees himself as aziraphale's saviour, and responsible for his safety, to the point of removing any agency from aziraphale to be a key player in his own safeguarding, and crowley tends to him like he's made of glass, pushing away unseen forces that he thinks would make him smash. we see that aziraphale is able to protect himself, he's more than capable of it (and we know that crowley on some level knows this too), but he chooses to interpret crowley's... mothering? as something that makes crowley happy, essentially encouraging it, even when he recognises that it's dismissive of his own capability. what this says about aziraphale's view of himself is another post, however.

but this take on crowley believing himself to be responsible for aziraphale's safety feels especially pertinent when you look at ep4; aziraphale's life (such as it is) is in crowley's hands, and aziraphale is trusting him to miss. there's arguably no actual teamwork here, and to be honest there isn't even really a stake; aziraphale is handing over everything to crowley (he doesn't actively do anything himself to work with crowley to ensure he isn't shot) and they could easily have walked off stage when realising their miracles don't work. but, at aziraphale's insistence, crowley plays along and is put in a position of needing to succeed. this situation is entirely a reflection on aziraphale - he should have called it off, and had many opportunities to do so up until the actual rifle fire - but crowley potentially takes this to mean that aziraphale can't be trusted with his own safety (and this is arguably a belief that i think crowley's held since at least 1793, but probably before). its immediately countered later in the dressing room, however, where aziraphale is the one to save crowley in an instance where there actually are high-risk stakes, but crowley doesn't even acknowledge this in the bookshop afterwards. i think his mind is made up by that point: his role in aziraphale's existence is predominantly to shelter and protect him, especially from himself, and *harks back to where i think crowley's trauma stems from; that he's the only one to see when something is wrong, so he considers it entirely up to him to play saviour - the hero - because no one else can be trusted to see it or do it.

going into your second ask; why aziraphale chooses not to tell crowley about the antichrist. i think it's something that was in another LWA ask(?) but my thoughts are this; crowley has just proposed that aziraphale kill the antichrist. now, we don't have a confirmed reason as to why crowley tries to get aziraphale to do this; it could be that he just really doesn't want to kill children (which, post-job, fair enough), it might be because killing the antichrist himself would send alarm bells to hell that one of their own is working to thwart armageddon by killing their master's child (whereas aziraphale could get away with it), or because he's testing aziraphale to see how far he is willing to go along with crowley on this scheme. it could be all three, plus others, but nothing is confirmed, and the way that crowley broaches this topic is immoral. it comes back to the old standby of a lack of meaningful communication between the two of them; had crowley explained any of these reasons, and asked aziraphale to kill the antichrist, aziraphale may still have refused, but it would have gone some way to giving justification for the ask in the first place, and kept them working as a team. the only reason we get is at the bandstand, "i'm not personally up for killing kids" which, in my eyes, does nothing to help crowley's case here.

but in any case, aziraphale is visibly uncomfortable with it. LWA pointed out in their ask yesterday that aziraphale's responses for not killing a child are arguably just as indicative of a lack in morality as crowley tempting him to it in the first place, and this is true - but his actions after finding out where adam was speaks volumes. it's my personal thought that he is safeguarding adam in the only hands that he knows, at this point, will not harm him: his own. if he tells crowley, he suspects crowley will pressure him into killing adam (which, actually, is the case in ep6 - "until he grows up?! shoot him, aziraphale! - and aziraphale is only stopped by madame tracy). aziraphale has the pretty clear affirmation that heaven/the archangels are not on the side of humanity. so, his last resort is god herself, whom he tries to reach but gets blocked by the metatron who reiterates the party line. aziraphale reassesses, immediately calls crowley to bring him up to speed, and formulate a plan to get to tadfield before everyone else does.

the thing is, the hero narrative for me (once again, something that an ask from my best buddy LWA helped me begin to parse out) swaps immediately on that bench scene. aziraphale takes control, comes up with the solutions to the problems that are being thrown in their path; as you said - stopping the hellhound, returning to tadfield for further reconnaissance, and engaging the WA. these instances, to me, literally show that whilst they're working together, they're not fully working as a team; crowley rather spectacularly messed up on multiple counts, and aziraphale had to claw back some semblance of a cohesive plan to bring everything back to rights. i therefore don't think he's entirely unjustified for the "you" language in the car, given that it was crowley that lost the boy/knows his birthday. if anything, crowley desperately switching to "we" doesn't suggest teamwork to me, but suggests avoidance of any blame that, tbh, sits far more on his shoulders than on aziraphale's, it's the unreliable narrator thing again; same as when he says, "so the humans beat me to it, that's not my fault", he's not accepting any responsibility or accountability for events derailing where he's had an active part in, whether the mistake was innocent or not.

as for aziraphale changing the subject when crowley asks what they do with the child once they find him, bear in mind that crowley nearly runs over a pedestrian, which is the ultimate subject-change here! but then yes, aziraphale does change the subject - because if he can't come up with an answer, is crowley about to suggest they kill the kid again? specifically, that aziraphale kill the child? it's still a boundary that aziraphale is unwilling to cross, but he doesn't have a better idea to counter it (thinking about it, this gives me the same feeling as the resurrectionist episode; when morag dies, crowley practically goads aziraphale for his lack of action. it's not unwarranted, but it is arguably unkind).

when aziraphale picks up the book from the car when they get back to soho, i too think (given god's narration over his particular interest in books of prophecy) aziraphale simply gets distracted. which is a particularly bonehead move given the circumstances, admittedly, because there's nothing at that point to indicate that answers to the antichrist problem would definitely be in the book... it's practically incidental that he comes across the 666 prophecy (i won't be getting into the weeds of parsing out divine intervention, not here!). but his first reaction is to go to archangels with the information, because his naive faith that heaven would want the same for the world as he does (ie. for it to survive, protect the innocent) does logically trump the benefits of telling crowley at this point, now that things have gone to shit.

when that doesn't work, he lies to crowley at the bandstand, but to safeguard the child's safety by doing so. this is, to my mind, the most ethical thing aziraphale can do at this point (and is another instance of where aziraphale, despite crowley being the one to preach the concept to him, is able to more successfully navigate the grey than crowley is). aziraphale is practically left in a position where he does have to operate on his own and by his own terms, because the alternative is not an option. it all roots back to where crowley, imo, should have never entertained tempting aziraphale to kill a child - especially one that by the point of the bandstand aziraphale knows would have been a complete innocent - without either giving full context as to why he was asking, or indeed should have entertained different options to resolve the issue, rather than double down on it at the bandstand.

this is probably the most rambling of my ask responses to date, @on-till-morning, so congratulations!!!✨ i think my bottom line is that i'm entirely empathetic to any trauma crowley (or indeed aziraphale) has, and how it affects their actions in the narrative, but ultimately i do not see it as an excuse; these are beings that are capable of acting and behaving morally and ethically, and it seems that they both fall short of that time and time again - especially the instances where they fail each other. lots of lessons to be learnt in s3!!!

please feel free to come back at any time; these length and complexity of asks make my brain hurt, but my heart sing!!!✨

#not proof read - pretend you do not Perceive The Errors #good omens #ask #oh shit i forgot to tag this #aziraphale meta #crowley meta #s1 meta #s2 meta #memory wipe theory #the fall/the great war spec

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