#the fact that this was an adolescence-defining movie for me explains a lot about me

[storyinmypocket]

So today I was reminded that the remake of The Crow is happening, and got sad and pissed off about it. Like, I really enjoy Bill Skarsgård as an actor, but... he is not and will never be someone that I can recognize as Eric Draven.

But I shall refrain from trying to ruin other people's enjoyment of it. I refuse to carry on like those dudes who think the all-woman Ghostbusters remake ruined their entire childhoods. Even if I really want to.

The original still exists, and I can enjoy that, and marvel at how a movie released in 1994 about people who wear all black in Grimdark Detroit at night is somehow better lit that a bunch of more recent stuff. It never once becomes a blur of shapes. I can always see exactly what and where the action is, and the lighting perfectly highlights what the viewer's supposed to pay attention to, and so many filmmakers don't seem to understand that this is, in fact, important.

[chiseler]

Utopia and Apocalypse: Pynchon’s Populist/Fatalist Cinema

The rhythmic clapping resonates inside these walls, which are hard and glossy as coal: Come-on! Start-the-show! Come-on! Start-the-show! The screen is a dim page spread before us, white and silent. The film has broken, or a projector bulb has burned out. It was difficult even for us, old fans who’ve always been at the movies (haven’t we?) to tell which before the darkness swept in.

--from the last page of Gravity’s Rainbow

To begin with a personal anecdote: Writing my first book (to be published) in the late 1970s, an experimental autobiography titled Moving Places: A Life at the Movies (Harper & Row, 1980), published in French as Mouvements: Une vie au cinéma (P.O.L, 2003), I wanted to include four texts by other authors—two short stories (“In Dreams Begin Responsibilities” by Delmore Schwartz, “The Secret Integration” by Thomas Pynchon) and two essays (“The Carole Lombard in Macy’s Window” by Charles Eckert, “My Life With Kong” by Elliott Stein)—but was prevented from doing so by my editor, who argued that because the book was mine, texts by other authors didn’t belong there. My motives were both pluralistic and populist: a desire both to respect fiction and non-fiction as equal creative partners and to insist that the book was about more than just myself and my own life. Because my book was largely about the creative roles played by the fictions of cinema on the non-fictions of personal lives, the anti-elitist nature of cinema played a crucial part in these transactions.`

In the case of Pynchon’s 1964 story—which twenty years later, in his collection Slow Learner, he would admit was the only early story of his that he still liked—the cinematic relevance to Moving Places could be found in a single fleeting but resonant detail: the momentary bonding of a little white boy named Tim Santora with a black, homeless, alcoholic jazz musician named Carl McAfee in a hotel room when they discover that they’ve both seen Blood Alley (1955), an anticommunist action-adventure with John Wayne and Lauren Bacall, directed by William Wellman. Pynchon mentions only the film’s title, but the complex synergy of this passing moment of mutual recognition between two of its dissimilar viewers represented for me an epiphany, in part because of the irony of such casual camaraderie occurring in relation to a routine example of Manichean Cold War mythology. Moreover, as a right-wing cinematic touchstone, Blood Alley is dialectically complemented in the same story by Tim and his friends categorizing their rebellious schoolboy pranks as Operation Spartacus, inspired by the left-wing Spartacus (1960) of Kirk Douglas, Dalton Trumbo, and Stanley Kubrick.

For better and for worse, all of Pynchon’s fiction partakes of this populism by customarily defining cinema as the cultural air that everyone breathes, or at least the river in which everyone swims and bathes. This is equally apparent in the only Pynchon novel that qualifies as hackwork, Inherent Vice (2009), and the fact that Paul Thomas Anderson’s adaptation of it is also his worst film to date—a hippie remake of Chinatown in the same way that the novel is a hippie remake of Raymond Chandler and Ross Macdonald—seems logical insofar as it seems to have been written with an eye towards selling the screen rights. As Geoffrey O’Brien observed (while defending this indefensible book and film) in the New York Review of Books (January 3, 2015), “Perhaps the novel really was crying out for such a cinematic transformation, for in its pages people watch movies, remember them, compare events in the ‘real world’ to their plots, re-experience their soundtracks as auditory hallucinations, even work their technical components (the lighting style of cinematographer James Wong Howe, for instance) into aspects of complex conspiratorial schemes.” (Despite a few glancing virtues, such as  Josh Brolin’s Nixonesque performance as "Bigfoot" Bjornsen, Anderson’s film seems just as cynical as its source and infused with the same sort of misplaced would-be nostalgia for the counterculture of the late 60s and early 70s, pitched to a generation that didn’t experience it, as Bertolucci’s Innocents: The Dreamers.)

From The Crying of Lot 49’s evocation of an orgasm in cinematic terms (“She awoke at last to find herself getting laid; she’d come in on a sexual crescendo in progress, like a cut to a scene where the camera’s already moving”) to the magical-surreal guest star appearance of Mickey Rooney in wartime Europe in Gravity’s Rainbow, cinema is invariably a form of lingua franca in Pynchon’s fiction, an expedient form of shorthand, calling up common experiences that seem light years away from the sectarianism of the politique des auteurs. This explains why his novels set in mid-20th century, such as the two just cited, when cinema was still a common currency cutting across classes, age groups, and diverse levels of education, tend to have the greatest number of movie references. In Gravity’s Rainbow—set mostly in war-torn Europe, with a few flashbacks to the east coast U.S. and flash-forwards to the contemporary west coast—this even includes such anachronistic pop ephemera as the 1949 serial King of the Rocket Men and the 1955 Western The Return of Jack Slade (which a character named Waxwing Blodgett is said to have seen at U.S. Army bases during World War 2 no less than twenty-seven times), along with various comic books.

Significantly, “The Secret Integration”, a title evoking both conspiracy and countercultural utopia, is set in the same cozy suburban neighborhood in the Berkshires from which Tyrone Slothrop, the wartime hero or antihero of Gravity’s Rainbow (1973), aka “Rocketman,” springs, with his kid brother and father among the story’s characters. It’s also the same region where Pynchon himself grew up. And Gravity’s Rainbow, Pynchon’s magnum opus and richest work, is by all measures the most film-drenched of his novels in its design as well as its details—so much so that even its blocks of text are separated typographically by what resemble sprocket holes. Unlike, say, Vineland (1990), where cinema figures mostly in terms of imaginary TV reruns (e.g., Woody Allen in Young Kissinger) and diverse cultural appropriations (e.g., a Noir Center shopping mall), or the post-cinematic adventures in cyberspace found in the noirish (and far superior) east-coast companion volume to Inherent Vice, Bleeding Edge (2013), cinema in Gravity’s Rainbow is basically a theatrical event with a social impact, where Fritz Lang’s invention of the rocket countdown as a suspense device (in the 1929 Frau im mond) and the separate “frames” of a rocket’s trajectory are equally relevant and operative factors. There are also passing references to Lang’s Der müde Tod, Die Nibelungen, Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler, and Metropolis—not to mention De Mille’s Cleopatra, Dumbo, Freaks, Son of Frankenstein, White Zombie, at least two Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers musicals, Pabst, and Lubitsch—and the epigraphs introducing the novel’s second and third sections (“You will have the tallest, darkest leading man in Hollywood — Merian C. Cooper to Fay Wray” and “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more…. –Dorothy, arriving in Oz”) are equally steeped in familiar movie mythology.

These are all populist allusions, yet the bane of populism as a rightwing curse is another near-constant in Pynchon’s work. The same ambivalence can be felt in the novel’s last two words, “Now everybody—“, at once frightening and comforting in its immediacy and universality. With the possible exception of Mason & Dixon (1997), every Pynchon novel over the past three decades—Vineland, Against the Day (2006), Inherent Vice, and Bleeding Edge—has an attractive, prominent, and sympathetic female character betraying or at least acting against her leftist roots and/or principles by being first drawn erotically towards and then being seduced by a fascistic male. In Bleeding Edge, this even happens to the novel’s earthy protagonist, the middle-aged detective Maxine Tarnow. Given the teasing amount of autobiographical concealment and revelation Pynchon carries on with his public while rigorously avoiding the press, it is tempting to see this recurring theme as a personal obsession grounded in some private psychic wound, and one that points to sadder-but-wiser challenges brought by Pynchon to his own populism, eventually reflecting a certain cynicism about human behavior. It also calls to mind some of the reflections of Luc Moullet (in “Sainte Janet,” Cahiers du cinéma no. 86, août 1958) aroused by Howard Hughes’ and Josef von Sternberg’s Jet Pilot and (more incidentally) by Ayn Rand’s and King Vidor’s The Fountainhead whereby “erotic verve” is tied to a contempt for collectivity—implicitly suggesting that rightwing art may be sexier than leftwing art, especially if the sexual delirium in question has some of the adolescent energy found in, for example, Hughes, Sternberg, Rand, Vidor, Kubrick, Tashlin, Jerry Lewis, and, yes, Pynchon.

One of the most impressive things about Pynchon’s fiction is the way in which it often represents the narrative shapes of individual novels in explicit visual terms. V, his first novel, has two heroes and narrative lines that converge at the bottom point of a V; Gravity’s Rainbow, his second—a V2 in more ways than one—unfolds across an epic skyscape like a rocket’s (linear) ascent and its (scattered) descent; Vineland offers a narrative tangle of lives to rhyme with its crisscrossing vines, and the curving ampersand in the middle of Mason & Dixon suggests another form of digressive tangle between its two male leads; Against the Day, which opens with a balloon flight, seems to follow the curving shape and rotation of the planet.

This compulsive patterning suggests that the sprocket-hole design in Gravity’s Rainbow’s section breaks is more than just a decorative detail. The recurrence of sprockets and film frames carries metaphorical resonance in the novel’s action, so that Franz Pökler, a German rocket engineer allowed by his superiors to see his long-lost daughter (whom he calls his “movie child” because she was conceived the night he and her mother saw a porn film) only once a year, at a children’s village called Zwölfkinder, and can’t even be sure if it’s the same girl each time:

So it has gone for the six years since. A daughter a year, each one about a year older, each time taking up nearly from scratch. The only continuity has been her name, and Zwölfkinder, and Pökler’s love—love something like the persistence of vision, for They have used it to create for him the moving image of a daughter, flashing him only these summertime frames of her, leaving it to him to build the illusion of a single child—what would the time scale matter, a 24th of a second or a year (no more, the engineer thought, than in a wind tunnel, or an oscillograph whose turning drum you can speed or slow at will…)?

***

Cinema, in short, is both delightful and sinister—a utopian dream and an apocalyptic nightmare, a stark juxtaposition reflected in the abrupt shift in the earlier Pynchon passage quoted at the beginning of this essay from present tense to past tense, and from third person to first person. Much the same could be said about the various displacements experienced while moving from the positive to the negative consequences of  populism.

Pynchon’s allegiance to the irreverent vulgarity of kazoos sounding like farts and concomitant Spike Jones parodies seems wholly in keeping with his disdain for David Raksin and Johnny Mercer’s popular song “Laura” and what he perceives as the snobbish elitism  of the Preminger film it derives from, as expressed in his passionate liner notes to the CD compilation “Spiked!: The Music of Spike Jones” a half-century later:

The song had been featured in the 1945 movie of the same name, supposed to evoke the hotsy-totsy social life where all these sophisticated New York City folks had time for faces in the misty light and so forth, not to mention expensive outfits, fancy interiors,witty repartee—a world of pseudos as inviting to…class hostility as fish in a barrel, including a presumed audience fatally unhip enough to still believe in the old prewar fantasies, though surely it was already too late for that, Tin Pan Alley wisdom about life had not stood a chance under the realities of global war, too many people by then knew better.

Consequently, neither art cinema nor auteur cinema figures much in Pynchon’s otherwise hefty lexicon of film culture, aside from a jokey mention of a Bengt Ekerot/Maria Casares Film Festival (actors playing Death in The Seventh Seal and Orphée) held in Los Angeles—and significantly, even the “underground”, 16-millimeter radical political filmmaking in northern California charted in Vineland becomes emblematic of the perceived failure of the 60s counterculture as a whole. This also helps to account for why the paranoia and solipsism found in Jacques Rivette’s Paris nous appartient and Out 1, perhaps the closest equivalents to Pynchon’s own notions of mass conspiracy juxtaposed with solitary despair, are never mentioned in his writing, and the films that are referenced belong almost exclusively to the commercial mainstream, unlike the examples of painting, music, and literature, such as the surrealist painting of Remedios Varo described in detail at the beginning of The Crying of Lot 49,  the importance of Ornette Coleman in V and Anton Webern in Gravity’s Rainbow, or the visible impact of both Jorge Luis Borges and William S. Burroughs on the latter novel. (1) And much of the novel’s supply of movie folklore—e.g., the fatal ambushing of John Dillinger while leaving Chicago’s Biograph theater--is mainstream as well.

Nevertheless, one can find a fairly precise philosophical and metaphysical description of these aforementioned Rivette films in Gravity’s Rainbow: “If there is something comforting -- religious, if you want — about paranoia, there is still also anti-paranoia, where nothing is connected to anything, a condition not many of us can bear for long.” And the white, empty movie screen that appears apocalyptically on the novel’s final page—as white and as blank as the fusion of all the colors in a rainbow—also appears in Rivette’s first feature when a 16-millimeter print of Lang’s Metropolis breaks during the projection of the Tower of Babel sequence.

Is such a physically and metaphysically similar affective climax of a halted film projection foretelling an apocalypse a mere coincidence? It’s impossible to know whether Pynchon might have seen Paris nous appartient during its brief New York run in the early 60s. But even if he hadn’t (or still hasn’t), a bitter sense of betrayed utopian possibilities in that film, in Out 1, and in most of his fiction is hard to overlook. Old fans who’ve always been at the movies (haven’t we?) don’t like to be woken from their dreams.

by Jonathan Rosenbaum

Footnote

For this reason, among others, I’m skeptical about accepting the hypothesis of the otherwise reliable Pynchon critic Richard Poirier that Gravity’s Rainbow’s enigmatic references to “the Kenosha Kid” might allude to Orson Welles, who was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Steven C. Weisenburger, in A Gravity’s Rainbow Companion (Athens/London: The University of Georgia Press, 2006), reports more plausibly that “the Kenosha Kid” was a pulp magazine character created by Forbes Parkhill in Western stories published from the 1920s through the 1940s. Once again, Pynchon’s populism trumps—i.e. exceeds—his cinephilia.

[hforhonesty]

Book Review #1 | Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

“Half the time, Simon can’t even make his wand work, and the other half, he sets something on fire. His mentor’s avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there’s a magic-eating monster running around wearing Simon’s face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here—it’s their last year at the Watford School of Magicks, and Simon’s infuriating nemesis didn’t even bother to show up.” [official synopsis of the book]

Full title: “Carry On: The rise and Fall of Simon Snow.”

Or, as I often refer to it, the death of me.

I can already hear my friend A. complaining that I read this book at least twice a year – which is odd, I get it, but I also can't help it. She says that I'm obsessed with it...

... She’s right. But there's a reason if the motto of my brand new blog is "H for Honesty", so I promise that I won't let my obsession take over the review. Scout's honor!

Anyway, we have to straighten some things out before we settle down to work, since I know that there are people out there who are not appealed by this book because of its similiarities with the Harry Potter Saga.

The Chosen One and the prophecy themes, the analogies between characters such as Penelope Bunch and Hermione Granger, the Drarry vibes, the English school of magic...

So if you want to complain about these similiarities, then stop reading, watching tv shows and movies or even breathing because, guess what?, it's literally impossible not to be influenced by others, especially if you are a writer.

I think that inspiration is good; it means that you've reached the heart of your readers and left a permanent mark on it. As a wanna-be writer I can only aspire to do such a great thing as inspiring someone to the point that they want to share their own stories.

Speaking of Rainbow Rowell being inspired by Jk Rowling, well, it doesn't mean that she plagiarised her work – far from it. Rainbow's World of Mages is something fresh, modern, unexplored. It has cliches just like any other great story, but instead of running in circles it goes beyond them.

This is why the first character I want to introduce is Agatha Wellbelove, who’s supposed to play the role of the protagonist’s love interest. I’m gonna be honest with you guys – I didin’t like her at first, like not at all.

It’s hard to explain without spoiling the book but I’ll try my best, alright?

Agatha is the only daughter of one of the richest and most important families of the world of mages. Her father is a doctor and her mother is very invested in the social part of their community, hence the charity works such as having poor, orphan Simon stay at their house during Christmas break.

Beautiful, popular, kind. She had to be all these things for her whole life because everything had already been set up for her. Even her relationship with Simon was inevitable. I know it’s silly but think of Shrek: like Fiona, she had to play the role of the damsel in distress locked in the highest tower of the castle, awaiting for her knight in his shiny armour... only to be his reward at the end of the story, when the magical war is over... if he manages to survive.

But Agatha is more than that.

“Lucy disappeared?” I say.

“Worse,” Mum says. “She ran away. From magic. Can you imagine?”

“Yes,” I say, then, “no.”

She wants to spend time with her normal friends, go to a normal school, be a normal person without the burden of magic on her shoulders. But she can’t, of course, because everyone would think that she’s insane, so she’s stuck in a world where she doesn’t belong.

Magic is a religion.

But there’s no such thing as not believing – or only going through the motions on Easter and Christmas. Your whole life has to revolve around magic all the time. If you’re born with magic, you’re stuck with it, and you’re stuck with other magicians, and you’re stuck with wars that never end because people don’t even know when they started.

I honestly didn’t understand her character at first, because c’mon, if someone came to me and told me that I could attend Hogwarts/Watford and have magical powers if I wanted, I wouldn’t even hesitate to answer hell, yeah. But this is another matter, ofc.

The point is that Rainbow Rowell’s characters are what I’d like (and dare) to define «the apotheosis of relatability». They are not just fictional characters. When they think, when they talk, when they act... they seem extremely human in my head, they seem to bloody exist, as if they weren’t made of paper...

I think that this effect is mostly due the fact that the book was written in first person singular. Yeah, I know that most people avoid this type of point of view like the plague, but believe me when I say that Carry on is 100% worth it.

Every chapter mirrors the thoughts of the main characters, from Simon’s to the Mage’s, and is shaped by them. For instance:

When Simon is talking, his words are articulated in short and/or mostly broken sentences.

He doesn’t reply – he must still be working up to a bluster.

Snow blusters like no one else. But! I mean! Um! It’s just! It’s no wonder he can never spit out a spell.

When he’s thinking, the pages are filled with long and elaborated phrases, which can be seen especially in the first chapters of the book;

Baz, on the other hand, has the opposite problem. He comes up with the most complex sentences when he’s speaking, while his thoughts are often interrupted by the use of round brakets, which is undoubtedly of my favourite features of his chapters.

So even though he seems this cool and charming and extremely confident and super duper talented and handsome magician, this is just his façade. In reality, he’s the type of guy who would rather be alone during meals because he’s too self-conscious and doesn’t want his family to see the fangs that come through when he’s eating.

It’s no secret that Baz is very secretive when it comes to his feelings or anything that concerns his private sphere, as he always weighs his words before he speaks up. But when the crosstalk is between him and Simon, there’s literally nothing in the world that Baz loves more than teasing him.

“I know what you are,” I snarled.

His eyes locked onto mine. “Your roommate?”

I shook my head and squeezed the hilt of my sword.

Baz stepped into my reach. “Tell me,” he spat.

I couldn’t.

“Tell me, Snow.” He stepped even closer. “What am I?”

I growled again and raised the blade an inch. “Vampire! I shouted. He must have felt the force of my breath on his face.

He started giggling. “Really? You think I’m a vampire? Well, Aleister Crowley, what are you going to do about that?”

I love the dynamics between Baz and Simon because their relationship is so genuine and thriving, absolutely compelling. You can see the deep impact that they have on each other from page one. Yes, they are roommates (oh my god, they are roommates), but they are enemies too, so they don’t really know how to deal with each other beyond their rivalry, especially when they have to team up against a common enemy.

These dynamics are way funnier when you consider that they concern a third character too. Yes, this is the moment I introduce you to the person that was recently hospitalized due to severe back pains caused by the burden of carrying Simon Snow’s bullshit on her shoulders from day one: Penelope Bunce.

She told me later that her parents had told her to steer clear of me at school. “My mum said that nobody really knew where you came from. And that you might be dangerous.”

“Why didn’t you listen to her?” I asked.

“Because nobody knew where you came from, Simon! And you might be dangerous!”

“You have the worst survival instincts.”

“Also, I felt sorry for you,” she said. “You were holding your hand backwards.”

As you can see, I love Penny. She’s clever, she’s talented, she’s this amazing young woman who is not afraid to walk with you toward eternal damnation or help you hide a corpse or do both at the same time. Because she’s all that – and more than that. She’s everything.

Penny is the kind of person who, right after you say that “curiosity killed the cat”, would rejoin that “satisfaction brought it back”. She is exactly the character that I needed as a role model during both my childhood and my adolescence: stubborn, curious, terribly ambitious... For some time I had been convinced that these were negative traits, but it’s mostly thanks to Penny that I’ve started to realise that they are good qualities instead.

I see a lot of myself in Penelope, and I could never thank Rainbow Rowell enough for creating her characters.

I could never thank Rainbow enough for writing about this amazing world and sharing it with us. And I will never stop thanking her for deciding to give us a sequel, Wayward son.

In the meanwhile, thank you. Yes, you: the person reading this review. I hope you enjoyed it! If so, follow me for new pieces :)

With love,

M.C.

P.S. I apologise for the inappropriate use of the editor but it appears that tumblr hates me.

P.P.S. My friend A. says hi – and wants you to know that the only reason she can stand the Mage is because his name is David... you know, like David Dobrik. I can’t even.

[queermediastudies]

Blue, the Warmest Color? Or the Most Profitable Color?

Blue Is the Warmest Color is a 2013 French movie directed by Abdellatif Kechiche, which won a lot of rewards including the Palme d'Or and the FIPRESCI Prize. This is a three-hour film about the romance story of a 15-year-old high school girl, Adèle (starring Adèle Exarchopoulos) and a female artist Emma (starring Léa Seydoux). The entire story depicts carefully about Adèle’s growth from adolescence to middle age, accompanied by confusion and struggle for her sexual identity. 

At the beginning of this story, Adèle was dating a boy, Thomas. Once they were dating, Adèle passed by a blue-haired girl when crossing the road. After this encounter, Adèle woke up in a dream about making love with this girl. She was confused and embarrassed by this fantasy. When her best friend Valentin, an openly gay man found her unhappy, he took her to a gay bar for fun. But later, Adèle came out and entered a lesbian bar by chance, where she met (again) and started getting to know the blue-haired girl, Emma. Adèle and Emma became friends and hung out with each other frequently. And their romance relationship confirmed by a shared kiss when picnic. A few years later, Adèle realized her dream to become a primary school teacher; Emma was preparing her art exhibition, and their relationship was not passionate like it used to be. Adèle had a sexual relationship with her male colleague Antoine because of Emma’s indifference. After this was known by Emma, ​​she drove Adèle out of the home immediately and refused her apology. Although Adèle expressed her love for Emma again a few years later, could not recover the relationship. And Emma had formed a new family with her first love, Lise. 

At the end of the film, when Adèle attended Emma’s art exhibition and saw many portraits of her own, she chose to leave quickly, which also marked the complete end of this relationship. In general, this film records the whole story of Adèle and Emma in a very delicate way, trying to present the audience with true lesbian life detail. And the goal of making the audience get involved in the real-life of the LGBTQIA community can contribute to the sympathy and understanding of them to a certain extent, which is conducive to the diversity of the media. But I critic that this film is still unable to break away from the use of lesbian love as the strategy “for creating ‘edgy’ programming and attracting a wide range of viewers” (Kohnen, 2015). And many descriptions in this film deepen the audience’s misunderstanding of the lesbian group.

Firstly, this film does a great job of recording Adèle’s life detail. For example, she always has a messy hair, she will open her mouth when sleeping, and she loves biting the bottom of the pen when she reads. When she gets lost or drunk, the film’s scene will shake and be a blur, just as seen from Adèle’s perspective. When she in the literature class, the shots keep switching to the teacher’s lecture and the students’ distraction because of the boring content. As a viewer, I can also feel that this content was very boring. The film recorded all these tiny details by using this first-person perspective technique to make Adèle just like a friend in our own life, or actually, she is ourselves. I believe to depict a character on a very personal level is a great strategy to promote the audience’s understanding. And this method also mentioned in the Goltz’s article for finding an effective term to refers to gay or lesbian in Kenyan language context, that one man focus on “there was more to him than his sexuality and that he was ‘beyond being homosexual or being a gay man’ ” and “ ‘to come out as me and not to highlight his sexuality, preferring to ‘talk about me, about my life, not about my queer life” (Goltz et al, 2016).

The tricky thing is that even though this film wants to show the real-life of lesbian, it almost becomes the most controversial lesbian movie because of the ten-minute (or even longer) lesbian sex scene. In fact, I was super embarrassed when I watch this scene because I invited all my roommates to watch this film together as a celebration of the weekend. I am not an extremely conservative person, I mean, the sex scene in this film is simply porn-level, so that we had to turn down the volume and made some jokes to cover up our embarrassment. Firstly, there was no background music in this scene, only big gasps instead and the sound of skin rubbing. Secondly, the scene boldly shows female whole body, without cover. In addition, the two actresses are very good in shape, without flaw or even pubic hair. This is the most confusing place for me. On the one hand, the director wants to present the most authentic lesbian life, which even refuses the background music at the sex scene; on the other hand, it idealizes the female body just as the male gaze, the flawless body, and the perfect shape.

Interestingly, the original author of this story, Julie Maroh expressed the same shock as me. She rated the most lacking in this film is lesbian, and aired her suspicion that there were no lesbians present onset (Romney, 2013). And “a brutal and surgical display, exuberant and cold, of so-called lesbian sex, which turned into porn” (Sciolino, 2013). Maroh replied in the interview, “everyone was giggling. Heterosexuals laugh at because they don’t understand it and find the scene ridiculous. The gay and queer people laughed because it’s not convincing, and find it ridiculous; and among the only people (who) we didn’t hear giggling were guys too busy feasting their eyes on an incarnation of their fantasies on screen” (Sciolino, 2013). When I learned that the director and both two actresses are straight, this makes more sense.

Director Kechiche labels himself as an unconditional devotee of realism. “I don’t want it to look like life,” he says of his cinema. “I want it to actually be life. Real moments of life, that's what I’m after” (Romney, 2013). But at the same time, he also admitted that his purpose is to idealize the female body (Sciolino, 2013). He explained, “Like paintings, or sculptures” (Romney, 2013). Ms. Seydoux counters the Kechiche’s use of the so-called real lesbian sex scene as an eyebrow-raising directly. When the reporter used “several unsimulated sex scenes” to ask Ms. Seydoux, she interrupted immediately, “Be careful, they are simulated. We were wearing prostheses” (Sciolino, 2013). Ms. Exarchopoulos used the word manipulation to describe the director's guidance for them. For both actresses, the filming process was horrible and indicated that they would no longer work with Kechiche (Stern, 2013).

(Léa Seydoux, Adèle Exarchopoulos, and Abdellatif Kechiche won the Palme d'Or.) 

It can be said that this film is successful in regards to cultural diversity as brand management. This movie has received a high honor, people should know it is the first film to have the Palme d'Or awarded to both the director and the (two) lead actresses (RFI, 2013). Not only that, but the film also performed not bad at the box office. It can be said that this is a work that has gained a good reputation and attracted the audience through brand management of cultural diversity. But as Kohnen mentioned, “the strategic use of LGBTQ content to signify edginess has not disappeared” (2015). Lesbian movies, especially those including so-called real lesbian sex scenes, are not only targeting the group that supports LGBTQIA and cultural diversity but also a straight (especially male) group who wants to satisfy their own sexual fantasies. Although shocked, it is important to know that Lesbian has been the most popular porn search term for porn sites (Lufkin, 2016).

So I have been thinking about whether lesbian movies are the most cost-effective thing. Due to the brand management of cultural diversity, LGBTQIA films can gain a good social reputation, because more or less they are showing/facilitating the spread of cultural diversity. On the other hand, this type of film caters to the Queer Market, as we mentioned the homonormativity, “depoliticized gay culture anchored in domesticity and consumption” (Duggan, 2002). In addition, a large number of heterosexual groups who want to satisfy their sexual fantasies/curiousness are attracted to the cinema.

The toughest point is that, as mentioned above, the director's purpose is to idealize the female body. And the two actresses clarified their heterosexual identity immediately after the processing of the film. Everyone has made a profit from this lesbian-themed film, but everyone is trying to getting rid of any suspicious of homosexuality identity after making a profit.

As an Asian (I used to believe myself as) straight woman, I have to admit that this film started to make me doubt my own sexual orientation. When I was watching this film, I would involuntarily introduce myself to Adèle’s role, and I found Emma to be a very charming woman. In the film, Emma's hair is blue in the first half and light brown in the second half of the film. The blue hair period is the sweetest time for her and Adèle. I think that Emma was really attractive at that time. And the second half with the light brown hair is the period that her relationship with Adèle is about to burst. I think this is why the film's name is Blue Is The Warmest Color. In fact, in the original comics, all the scenes are black and white, except that Emma's hair is blue, and the intuitive contrast that comic can present can more express this theme.

I have always lived in a heterosexual culture community. The heteronormative in Asian culture is more ingrained than Western culture, so I never thought about my sexual orientation. It’s like I also cannot figure out the sexual orientation of Adèle. She did not show any love for women other than Emma, and she had an affair with a man, not a woman. By watching this film, I am rethinking whether it is a wise choice to define sexual orientation based on gender. I love a person because of the gender of that person, or because that person is that person.

In general, I would think this film is a good movie, especially from the contribution that made me rethink my own identity. But when I know more about the story behind this film, the harder it is for me to evaluate it from the work itself. Everything became complicated when lesbian-themed movies/televisions connect with cultural diversity brand management, homonormativity, Queer Market, and even male sexual fantasy.

Reference:

Duggan, L. (2002). Equality, Inc. The Twilight of Equality? (PP. 43-66). Beacon Press, Boston.

Goltz, D. B., Zingsheim, J., Mastin, T., & Murphy, A. G. (2016). Discursive negotiations of Kenyan LGBTI identities: Cautions in cultural humility. Journal of International and Intercultural Communication, 9(2).

Kohnen, M. (2015). Cultural Diversity as Brand Management in Cable Television. Media Industries Journal, 2(2).

Lufkin, B. (2016). The Most Popular Porn Searches in Every State. Gizmodo.

RFI. (2013). Blue is the warmest color team win Palme d'Or at Cannes 2013. archive.org. https://web.archive.org/web/20130608102433/http://www.english.rfi.fr/culture/20130526-wins-palme-dor-cannes-2013

Romney, J. (2013). Abdellatif Kechiche interview: 'Do I need to be a woman to talk about love between women?'. the Guardian.

Sciolino, E. (2013). Darling of Cannes Now at Center of Storm. Nytimes.com.

Stern, M. (2013). The Stars of ‘Blue is the Warmest Color’ On the Riveting Lesbian Love Story. The Daily Beast.

[amphtaminedreams]

Mental Health Awareness Week: My Story

Hi to anyone who’s reading this!

My name is Lauren and this is my first personal post on my Tumblr (which I’m using because I am a granny who can’t be arsed to work out the basics of Wordpress). My intention in making this blog was ultimately to talk about mental health and fashion and things that interest me and I suppose I knew that ultimately I was going to make a post like this but I just didn’t realise it would be so soon. But then Theresa May lit up Downing Street and it was Mental Health Awareness week and Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month and I realised, best to just get this out of the way before I can start making excuses to put it off until the end of time. It’s a hard post to make because I don’t exactly know who the audience will be; I’m writing it for the mental health community and anybody who’s interested in what Borderline Personality Disorder is/looks like but I’m also conscious of the fact that one day my family and friends and even potential employers could be reading this. How much detail am I supposed to go into? A lot of people still feel uncomfortable discussing topics like this; they start seeing you a different way when they know you suffer from a mental illness, even though you’re the same person you’ve always been. It’s also hard to know where to start when I’m talking about my mental health. I feel like other posts of a similar nature tend to have a clear start, beginning, and end. A clear cause or inciting incident, one self-explanatory, well-understood diagnosis, and a clear pathway to recovery. I don’t have a single, defining trauma I can pinpoint anything to, and I don’t think I have complex PTSD (which is often conflated with BPD but as I understand it, not always the same thing). I have a family history of mental illness and a series of less significant events that in hindsight might have affected me more than I originally thought, but until I became able to think about concepts such as “mental health” and self-image and relationships in the abstract, I believed that I generally had a pretty happy childhood. My family did their very best and they loved me and we always had a roof over our heads and food on our plates. When I did start to conceptualise my mental health, I kind of thought of it as a wave of depression and insecurities and anxieties that hit me when I was in my early teens. I think this is the same for a lot of people. Only when I got a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (which I will shorten to BPD for the purpose of making this easier to read, lol!) in October 2018 did I question that.

I’ve done a lot of questioning since I got the diagnosis, the same kind of questions that make this post hard to write. Am I really that ill? Am I not just being dramatic? Do I have any right to feel like this given the privilege I have? When in reality, this deep-rooted gut instinct to doubt who you are and what you have a right to feel is an intrinsic part of BPD.

There are 9 key symptoms involved in the disorder, 5 of which must be experienced to a degree that is severe enough to affect your day to day functioning in order to receive a diagnosis. My formal assessment which took place during my stay at an inpatient psychiatric ward in October 2018 revealed I was just on the cusp of receiving a diagnosis; in 5 of the 9 categories I scored highly enough that the symptom was impairing my ability to function, thus I only just qualified (lucky me!). That’s what mental illness is really, a collection of ingrained and/or inherited behaviours that are inhibiting one’s day to day life. With regards to BPD, these 9 behaviours or symptoms are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment (check).

2. Unstable relationships.

3. Unclear or shifting self-image (check).

4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviours (check).

5. Self-harm (check). 

6. Extreme emotional swings (check).

7. Explosive anger.

8. Dissociative experiences (check).

9. Chronic feelings of emptiness (check, check, CHECK).

See, when the diagnosis was first suggested to me informally by a community mental health nurse in June of 2018, I was a bit like…what?! That can’t be me! I don’t have outbursts (it’s okay if you do and you’re working on it)! I don’t scream and throw things (again, okay if you do and are working on it)! And I’m definitely not manipulative (any person can be manipulative so I don’t even know where this one comes from)! That was, like, all I knew about BPD. Stereotypes. Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type bullshit, we’re talking the woman that coined the phrase bunny boiler. I didn’t know that BPD can present in a million different ways, based on the person who’s suffering with it, because I thought BPD was the person. The widespread consensus on BPD isn’t the most humanising. So I hope me explaining how it’s affected my life and the way its presented itself over the years helps in turning the tide, which so many amazing people have already begun to do by sharing their stories. My aim is to do the same.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about the areas in which BPD has affected my life since my formal assessment, in which I felt I learnt a lot more about the disorder. In particular, the idea that I was always this happy child that got hit by a wave of inexplicable, crippling depression once I hit my teenage years. I remember during the assessment, the doctor asking me to talk about my early relationships and it kind of struck me at that moment that I’d been going through this pattern of switching between extreme attachment towards versus extreme devaluation of my relationships with the closest people in my life for as long as I could remember. My first real best friend of several years basically stopped speaking to me (and in hindsight, I do not blame her, lmao!) when we were about 12 because I can only imagine she was sick of me either picking a fight or desperately seeking her reassurance every time she dared to hang out with another friend. I remembered how it felt when she did choose to spend time with somebody else rather than me: “oh my god, she likes them more, she finds me boring, she hates me and she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore! Everything’s over! I’ll never find anyone who loves me like she does because why would they? I can’t go on with my life until I know that she isn’t going to leave me!”. I think at that age, everyone has that shrill inner voice that doesn’t exactly consider logic or react in the most sensible way, but instead of my shrill inner voice going away, it just faded to more of a constantly niggling monotone that continued to affect the way I behaved around other people for years to come. This was just one of the signs that things weren’t as they should be from an early age. I think I was around 13 when the Child Adolescent Mental Health Services (otherwise known as the dreaded CAMHS), whom my parents had initially got me referred to for sleeping problems, diagnosed me with generalised anxiety and social phobia. Social phobia, despite this being its DSM name, is more commonly known as social anxiety. This came about after I had undergone successful CBT for said sleeping problems and thought I’d just drop it in, as you do, that basically, every social interaction felt like I was putting on a desperate show to keep the few remaining people left in the theatre from walking out. I told them that school was emotionally exhausting me. Whilst after the first couple of rocky years of transitioning from primary to secondary school I had developed a close group of friends, I still felt like aside from the closet few of them, absolutely nobody liked me. That was definitely true of some people, but likely not to the extent I envisioned it. I had come to feel, I suspect due to a combination of genes and a few environmental factors, like I was inherently unloveable and annoying, and even though I’m in a good place right now, these are things I continue to struggle with. When you’ve believed these things for so long, to act according to them is second nature.

The thing about BPD is that it’s hard to determine what is a co-morbidity and what is part of The Disorder™. I’m still not quite sure whether my social anxiety was in and of its own issue or if it was driven by the borderline symptom of fearing abandonment. Even recently, during a period of relative stability, I went back to my GP about dysmorphic thoughts concerning my body and appearance as I believe they go beyond the threshold of what is to be expected as part the unstable self-image facet of BPD. Whilst I can accept, for example, that the self-harming and binge eating I began indulging in around the same time I received my anxiety diagnoses were my way of coping with the mood swings and chronic feelings of emptiness I was also experiencing (get me working in the checklist of symptoms here, I imagine this is how film writers feel when they namedrop the movie in the characters’ dialogue), I have a feeling the image issues I have would exist regardless of the influence of the unstable self-image part of BPD. I mean, would perfectionism alone take me to the extremes of punishing myself for missing out on all A*s by an A or two at GCSE and A-level, forcing myself to do a degree I had no particular interest in just because the university was in the single digits in the international league tables, or at one point eating only apples for 10 days until I could barely stand up because I wanted to look like those girls on 2013 emo black and white Tumblr? Probably not. But you don’t need to have an unstable self-image to latch onto the idea that only the very best will do in today’s world, lol (typed with a totally straight face)! Yeah, if the niche that is socialist twitter has taught me anything it’s that, that’s like, late-stage capitalism for you. It’s hard to look at myself and know what is a good quality, or just a character trait, and what is disordered. I think when you call a mental illness a personality disorder, the people who are labelled with it are inevitably going to have that problem.

Surprising absolutely no-one, trying to fit into these ideals I had created and emotionally detaching myself from my friends and family didn’t do any good for my wellbeing. I gave into self-destructive impulses with increased frequency and as I went into sixth form and drifted even further away from the few people I did feel close to, I began to experience derealisation (not depersonalisation, though this is something a lot of people with BPD do experience). This would come under the dissociative experiences symptom of the BPD. It was like my eyes were glass windows and I was just watching life unfold in front of me from the other side. It’s not as if I didn’t have control of my actions, I did, I threw myself into revision, but it all just felt slightly unreal, like I was going through the motions, almost robotically, detached from everyone around me. Everything was muted. Generally, I find that my mood swings between 5 different states: lethargic depression, extreme distress, anxious irritability, an almost mania like sense of confidence and purpose, and a more pleasant calmness. The best way to explain how I experience this switch is that I can almost physically feel the gear of my brain shift, with this change of energy then flowing down to the rest of my body. My thoughts take on a different tone of voice, my body feels heavier, or if I’m going up, it’s like I can feel electricity running and crackling through me. It can happen in a split second, and it can be random, though often it’s triggered by something as small as a phone call or how much I’ve eaten. If multiple plans fall apart at the same time, it can be enough to make me angry at the world and distrustful of everyone in my life, closed off and weighed down. However, back when I was experiencing this derealisation, I remember only really switching back and forth between feeling numb and feeling passively suicidal; I feel like I lost my teenage years to this big, grey cloud of meh-ness that fogged up my brain and obfuscated my ability to regularly feel any positive emotion. To use a cliche, there was this void inside of me that nothing would fill and I had learnt that trying to use relationships to do this was dangerous for me because without sounding melodramatic, it hurt too much when I felt they weren’t reciprocating my love (what a John Green line, lmao).

My fear that people didn’t like me morphed into paranoia that even the people I was supposed to be friends with were ridiculing me the second I left the room; please don’t laugh when I say my greatest pleasure during this time was to go home at lunchtime to avoid having to spend an hour sat with them so I could eat Dairy Milk Oreo, nap and listen to The Neighbourhood (careful, don’t cut yourself on that edge!). I put on a lot of weight due to binge eating, would often leave sixth form early or skip it altogether, and saw my GP, who reestablished my anxiety diagnoses now with an exotic side order of depression. When it comes to NHS services where I live, I’ve kind of won the postcode lottery. There’s a large, conservative elderly population which I’m assuming is the reason our area receives a lot more funding than other, debatably more deserving other areas, and this meant that along with prescribing me the first of many SSRIs I was to try, I was also referred back to CAMHS. I’d been discharged from them about 2 years prior, and what had back then been about a 1 or 2-month waiting list to be seen had doubled in longevity since. I say I won the postcode lottery because, in a lot of places, it’s not uncommon for people to still be waiting to be seen by their local mental health team over a year after they’re first referred. Even so, the help I was offered was very minimal; I met a counsellor once every couple of months that didn’t really specialise in any particular kind of therapy and would kind of just talk at me for the hour I saw her. This was in spite of me expressing suicidal feelings and regularly self-harming.

That being said, by the time I left sixth form, I had finally found an SSRI that worked to blunt the intensity of my social anxiety. I was attending my “perfect” university with my “perfect” grades and (prepare yourself for the twist of the century) I finally managed to get my lazy arse to the gym, and get to that “perfect” weight. I was forming emotional connections with people for the first time in years. On a shallow level, in my first year of uni, things were finally beginning to look up, and yet I was experiencing worse mood swings than ever, becoming more dependent on drugs and alcohol to function through these, and throwing myself into intense friendships where anything less than utmost enthusiasm on the other end of the relationship would send me back into that “oh my god, I’ll never make another friend in my life, I’ll always be alone, I can’t deal with this, the only way to deal with this pain is to end it!” mode. I don’t know why things got so drastic so suddenly. Maybe it was being away from my parents, or maybe it’s just that late teens/early twenties are a time when negative emotions do tend to get more serious after being repressed for years and consequently accumulating. The whole having to be the smartest person in the room to maintain a sense of self shtick was also taking a bit of a hit because university is bloody hard and everyone’s bloody smart and bloody passionate and here I was not even understanding what the assigned reading was trying to say let alone having any brilliant ideas about it to contribute; I was so quiet in one of my seminar groups the lecturer forgot I existed in a class with a grand total of 9 students. Big fish in a little pond to little fish in a big pond syndrome or maybe just more simply put, imposter syndrome, is a real thing and when you struggle with your identity anyway, it’s enough to throw you off completely. I finished that year with a first but I told myself it probably wouldn’t happen again. A couple of days later, feeling shit and overwhelmed, I did what I’d taken to doing to manage my emotions, and got high. The delusional episode ended me up in A&E for self-harm, and when they let me go the next day, I travelled back to my family home and pretended nothing was wrong.

The whole “act like everything’s fine” approach doesn’t work in the long term. 10/10 would not recommend. Without my parents around, when I went back to uni in September, everything fell apart again. I was using drugs every day, either not eating at all or binge eating, self-harming, binge drinking regularly, skipping all my lectures. Honestly, when I think back to that time it’s like I’m watching myself from outside my body. I was feeling very done with the dumpster fire (how very American of me) that was my brain. I was done with the constant 100mph up and down internal monologue. I was done with trying to cope and to hold myself together. I intentionally overdosed multiple times and after one sent me to A&E, my dad brought me home from university. It was a horrible shock for my parents: they knew I was a worrier that could be a little closed off and miserable sometimes, and they were the ones who’d first taken me to CAMHS when I was younger, but they’d struggled with that, and so from then on I’d tried to keep my issues to myself. To be honest, I don’t blame them at all for not realising anything was drastically wrong. I did a pretty good job of hiding my problems; everyone had their own things to deal with and so I became quite adept at internalising my feelings and acting “inwards” rather than outwards. It was also definitely a case of things escalating whilst I was away. With all this in mind, the overdose kind of came out of nowhere for them, but I was so detached from reality I didn’t even consider this at the time. Thankfully, I can’t really remember how they actually reacted either. Benzodiazepines do that to you, a little tidbit of information that all these teen rappers and social media personalities hyping up Xanax fail to mention. I think my dad made the decision to bring me home rather than have me stay in hospital in London, as was offered, because he thought that would be better for me. However, a few days later, after numerous, distressing visits from the crisis team (another name that will be regrettably familiar to anyone who has experienced severe mental health problems before), where I can only assume a lack of time and recourses on their part forced me to repeat what had happened over and over again to the revolving door of staff members, I took another overdose. I had become paranoid that they were out to get me and falsely believed that I was too much of a burden on my family, who were having to take time off work to look after me. This time from A&E, I went on to stay in a psychiatric ward where I was given the formal diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder I mentioned earlier. And it’s here that my life changed forever, I believe for the better.

It changed my life for many reasons. Firstly, it was incredibly validating. To learn that I didn’t have a plethora of different problems but rather one problem, the different facets of which can present themselves in many different ways and affect multiple areas of your life, was so, so reassuring. It not only gave me a clear treatment path but helped me to understand that there was a reason all this was happening. Additionally, the events forced me to open up to my parents and for them to grasp the severity of the situation. After all these years, I finally felt like I had a support system. My parents had always been there before but I had emotionally distanced myself from everyone, and being a “typical teenager” I believed they didn’t understand me (get that angst). I think in retrospect they didn’t understand me because I wasn’t using the right words. I didn’t want to sound dramatic so whenever I spoke to either of my parents about how I felt, I downplayed it a lot. My mum, who works so incredibly hard and has a lot on her plate herself, had a tough upbringing so her approach to me being miserable was pretty much telling me to be grateful for what I had. Had she known what I was really getting at, I know that she wouldn’t have reacted like this to what I was saying. The minute I got my diagnosis, she went out and bought every (mildly offensively titled) book on how to support someone with BPD out there and I learnt today has even been trying to bring an emphasis on mental health into her workplace! She is a wonderful person.

With all this being said, my main piece of advice for other people who are newly diagnosed with BPD or just suffering from any kind of mental health condition is to be brutally honest with the trusted people around you about what you’re dealing with. It will be uncomfortable but I can promise it’ll be worth it. With something like BPD, having a support system who know exactly what you’re dealing with, minus the vagueness and the bullshit, is so, so important. I say this because, despite Theresa’s green lights, neither she nor her party are doing much in the way of providing the funding for professional help. When I first came out of hospital, I had a lot of nights where I felt incredibly depressed, almost as depressed as I did before I went in. Prior to my family knowing about my BPD diagnosis, I would have dealt with these feelings in unhealthy ways but this time, I could go to my mum and stay with her and just cry it out until the feeling passed. That is also a useful sentiment to remember, that the feelings will pass. It’s in the nature of BPD to swing around, when I’m not experiencing a period of depression, and that’s something I find it helpful to remember. I personally really like the Youper app to track my moods because when I do get suicidal, feel anxious or wired, I have something to look at objectively to remind myself that I did feel like this before, in fact, I felt like this yesterday, but a few hours later I told the app I felt okay again. It also helps you to dissect your irrational thought processes and identify “thinking traps”. Meditation, ASMR and CBD are big parts of my life and stability, though I would recommend doing some research into the latter before trying it yourself.

On a less subjective, more physiological level, I notice that my medication really aids my emotional stability; when I have been off it, my mood swings are a lot more intense. So whilst medication isn’t for everyone, it can be something to consider talking to your GP about to see if it could be beneficial for you. Another help is the DBT skills course I completed in March, DBT being the abbreviation of dialectical behavioural therapy, the treatment specifically developed for BPD by Marsha Linehan. If you have time, she’s a great person to do some research into. She herself was diagnosed with what doctors called an “incurable” case of BPD yet she’s gone on to do the most incredible things and help so many people also suffering from the disorder. Not only did DBT provide me with a skill set of more functional coping mechanisms for both interpersonal insecurities and individual struggles, but I liked the fact that once a week I got to be with a group of people who really understood what I’m dealing with and didn’t judge. Even if you can’t find a DBT group, it’s worth checking to see if there are any mental health peer support groups in your area for this reason. I found that being around people who are dealing with similar issues helped me to see my own struggles more objectively; it reminds you that what you’re experiencing is not about you personally and that whilst you may feel isolated, you’re not. The world hasn’t got it out for you. It’s a condition that many people experience. In terms of the feelings of emptiness BPD causes, I have found that since my diagnosis, I’ve actually had more of a sense of purpose in life. On a practical level, having therapy along with a year out of uni and the presence of a constant support system has had me time to get back into writing properly. What I’ve found to be even more rewarding, however, is my participation in the online mental health community.

Something I wasn’t made aware of prior to my diagnosis was the amount of stigma there is still towards mental health issues, Borderline Personality Disorder especially. It really is one of the most demonised mental health issues in and outside of the healthcare system and that’s a hard fact to learn, because it’s a difficult enough condition to learn to manage already without knowing that there are people out there who think you’re a monster for it and are going to judge everything you do through a certain lens. Whilst we are a lot more accepting as a society of conditions like depression and anxiety, conditions such as bipolar, schizophrenia and personality disorders are still greatly misunderstood by wider society who have largely taken their understandings of these illnesses from ill-informed media portrayals and shallow, surface-level observations of a sufferer’s behaviour. I doubt the name “personality disorder” helps matters; it’s hardly the most flattering description of what we’re dealing with I’ve ever heard. I’ve found that even mental health professionals and other mental illness sufferers have a negative bias towards BPD. There’s a widespread view that we are dangerous, manipulative individuals who choose to be difficult and act erratically, that our behaviour is not “organic” like that produced by other mental health problems. I have no idea where the latter assumption comes from. Most experts on the condition tend to agree that the mood swings, impulsive, destructive behaviour, and irrational thinking originate in the hypothalamus and come from a faulty fight-flight response or other atypical brain structures; in other words, BPD has a biological basis. Whilst I agree that we can learn to change our coping mechanisms, the idea that they are as a result of anything other than pure desperation and mental anguish is incredibly puzzling and dehumanising. Simply looking the causes of the condition up online or doing a small amount of research from a credible source debunks all the common BPD stereotypes, yet people like to speak about it as if they know everything about the condition just because they’ve heard a few horror stories. There are nasty people in the world. Some of them have BPD, but that doesn’t mean everyone with BPD is a nasty person, and the bottom line is that most people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder will hurt themselves before they hurt anyone else. We are so hypersensitive to any changes in our relationships in the first place that the last thing we want to do is damage them. When we say something feels like the end of the world, that’s because the emotional dysregulation part of BPD really makes it feel like it is. We’re not being dramatic or trying to get your attention. In fact, I can say for certain that despite feeling this way on a daily basis for about 7 years, I rarely actually voiced the sentiment. I still don’t. But I should be able to. To give the example of one person suffering from physical illness and one suffering from a mental illness, where both publicly talk about the pain they’re experiencing, why is only the latter of the two called an attention seeker? If the former tweeted about how much pain they were in, nobody would bat an eyelid. Why is this? When so many people experience mental health problems? When the gender who are typically expected by society to repress their feelings accounted for over 70% of suicide victims in the UK last year? It’s clear that keeping our feelings to ourselves and suffering in silence doesn’t do us any good, so why are so many so eager for us to continue doing so? I think being open about mental health simply needs to be normalised, and that once it is, hopefully, this sentiment will die out. I find that by being open about my mental health on social media (still quite selectively, I must admit! I can’t see myself making a post about BPD on Facebook any time soon!) has given me a sense of purpose because I do feel like I’m helping to normalise this kind of honesty. With regards to the stigma that surrounds BPD specifically, I feel that my presence online and my support of others helps to show that we’re just human beings who are struggling, not the awful mythos that surrounds us.

To finish, one of my main goals in my recovery is to be more compassionate to myself. BPD is a hard enough diagnosis to have without constantly internally doubting and questioning it. I find that as the months go by, I am feeling more and more stable, and this leads me to question if I was ever sick, especially since I only displayed 5/9 of the borderline traits in the first place, which meant that I only just met the diagnostic criteria. I don’t have psychotic rage or complete blackouts and tend to act inwards rather than outwards. I am what is considered within the mental health community to be a “quiet” borderline. I know theoretically that this doesn’t make my condition any less valid, but for this reason, part of me fears moving towards being “well”. Because if I’m well, then I feel like I’ve lost part of an already fragile identity. Of course, I’d rather not have BPD. But because I’ve been expressing symptoms for so long, I worry what’s left of me without it. At the same time, I fear going back to a place where my BPD is so severe that I have to go back to hospital. So really, it’s like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s a double-edged sword. Is that enough cliches? The thing that I wish more people could understand is that mental illness in itself is traumatic and that even when you’ve moved on, what you experienced will always be a part of you. You still need that support. I’m not going to lie, resisting the urge to indulge in old coping mechanisms and habits is hard, and whilst the sense of pride I feel every time I don’t, or every time I use responsibly something I’m used to abusing is rewarding, there are days where waiting for the need to use them to pass is very long and very hard. I need to stop telling myself that just because I am feeling better than I did, I don’t deserve that support anymore. I do. I still deserve compassion. I still deserve a safety net. I still deserve a sense of understanding from the people around me. I deserve all of it, as does everyone else. I also deserve to be proud of how far I’ve come already instead of berating myself for not having come far enough. As I write this I haven’t self-harmed in 169 days, have been at my current job for coming up to 6 months, have an interview for a psychology course at the uni I came to love in a week’s time. I’m finally somewhat healthily managing my weight for the first time in years! I have also decided that once I do return to university, my reason for being there is not contingent on me maintaining firsts; my mental health, and what I do with the degree is much more important. I would ultimately like to go into clinical psychology and do as much as I can in that area to help people going through similar issues. With the current state of the mental health (and healthcare, in general) system in the UK, it’s definitely easy to get disheartened that the services it provides will never be adequate due to funding issues. However, in the meantime, I think the more of us with lived experience that can get into mental health care, the better the service that eventually is provided can be. Every week I’m thinking of new things I’d like to research once I have the footing, epigenetic and intergenerational trauma and the use of psychedelics and the benefit of peer support groups. There’s always a way to turn the negative into a positive, even if it takes time to learn how to do so and I think after all these years, I’m finally getting the hang of it. If my brain has been a “dumpster fire” for the last however many years, then I don’t want to let the ashes go to waste. I’m going to make them into some really morbid confetti! As I sit here writing this, I can firmly say I am happier than I’ve ever been. Game of Thrones is pissing me off (might do a post how identity and attachment issues lead to a correlation between BPD and obsessive character fixations at some point because BOY has that been driven home to me this week!) but tomorrow I’m going to an ABBA party with uni friends, Yvie Oddly is smashing drag race, and my cat is lying next to me purring. It gets better. The hard days become less frequent and they get easier to cope with too; you can learn to ride the waves and find reasons to continue doing so, regardless of how tiring it might be sometimes.

My pipe dream for this time next year is that we have people in government who really care about the invisibly ill of this country. That Downing Street can do more than turn green. I hope that we get to see more realistic and sympathetic portrayals of BPD in the media that draw attention to the issue without glamourising or romanticising it and that we get more portrayals of queer, disabled and POC experiences of mental illness too as it’s not just skinny caucasian girls that deal with this shit! Most importantly, I also hope that I continue to flourish, and wish the same for everyone struggling with mental illness/any kind of turmoil. Anybody who reads this ’til the end, wow! Thank you! It was a bit of an essay but what do you expect coming from an ex-history student and wannabe author, lol! Please let me know if there is something you’d like to see me post about on this Tumblr, such as any specific BPD symptoms and how they might present, how I deal with social anxiety and body image, or even anything completed unrelated to mental health! God knows I love the sound of my own…prose? Is that the right word to use?

I hope you enjoyed reading!

Lauren x

[theparaminds]

The desert of adolescence is dry and brutal. Dunes and murderous heat engulf the eyes and heart with unwavering repetition. Walk for months and you may only inch closer to enlightenment. But there, in the distance, is an oasis. An understanding and all enriching moment of freedom within the drivel of growing up. For any, this is oasis is personally founded in their art, experiences and ideologies. But in this generation, not a single youth’s oasis is complete without Surf Curse; not complete without their generational ability to connect. 

It’s known that if you’re a teen and with the opportunity to see Surf Curse live, you simply must. Having been a pair of blinded youth at one point, Nick and Jacob have grown to a point of personal understanding. They began as idealistic 18-year-olds, similar to their fans, but now stand as formed individuals who grasp their inner values and principles. Mirrored in their new album, Surf Curse have come to terms with what it means to grow and the beauty that exists in the process. While terrifying, the desert is gorgeous in its grandiose novelty. 

But here and now, at the oasis, Surf Curse is delivering a message of hope. Their body of work, so far, can be seen as the journey of self-discovery that now culminates with a catharsis of teenage moon dreams and film history. They want all youth to have the freedom they were able to attain through creating their art. And in creating that freedom, Surf Curse is cementing an opportunity for normality for young lives of turbulence. From now on, the oasis will never die and, due to their efforts, will be able to speak to limitless bleeding hearts.                                                           - How’s your day been going so far and how have you been as of late?

Nick: My day’s going pretty good so far, just started honestly as I had a bit of a late night. Both of us did. I was up until 5 in the morning just having a good chat with some friends. Got only like 4 hours of sleep.

With the new work finally coming into the foreground after a while of planning and rollout, what is the most overwhelming feeling in your life right now? The one that defines you emotionally.

N: I guess this release has been so different from everything else we’ve done. It’s very well organized and the record is well produced. There’s been a lot of money, time and effort put into it. I think it's the most organized it's ever been. There are no surprises which is really nice, but you do get the feeling of a large stakes situation. It's just anxiety hoping that everything goes well. We’re both very confident in it though. I’d also say it's just a lot of waiting. The records been done for over half a year now so we’re just excited to see everything rolling out.

Through this last year, what do you look back on as your favorite memory and almost a time that defined this entire few months for you?

N: I really do think recording this last album was such a great experience. We usually record so DIY but this time around, with the label backing, we were able to go into a studio with an engineer. It was such a special experience after over 10 years of home recordings to be able to go into a studio and make a professional sounding project. I know for Jacob and I, it was one of the best experiences of our lives. Every day was such a blessing.

When you look back at the early days of this band in 2013, how do you compare your artistic vision from then to now and do you think you are in a place of satisfaction with it?

N: I really love where it is now. I think there’s been a lot of growth and it’s hard to anticipate growth really, it just comes naturally. We were fortunate that as we've had a lot of time to sit with ourselves and write freely. This last record is one of the things I’m most proud of and it's a very obvious change in our sound and style. But again, that’s been a natural progression. Any musician or artist goes through that. It’s not a conscious effort either, it just progresses. When we wrote those first songs we were both 19, but now we’re each 27.

You did mention working with a new producer and really having it all be a tighter and more professional effort. But how do you feel that is visible within the songs and how do you feel seeing it all come into fruition in a professional sense.

Jacob: I think the production of it changed a lot of our songwriting. We had a bunch of demos but only in entering the studio did we realize the true capabilities we had. I think the original songwriting is still there but there was just a feeling we could make it much more true to life. As we were recording we noticed how cinematic and grand it is as well. We noticed it was a large cathartic experience. That, in some places, was a result of being able to add strings to something or having someone come in to create larger harmonies. It influences the songwriting in that you have to write with something truly grand in mind.

In the run-up for this project, there’s been a lot of talk about the influence that came from old cult film and the idea of peering into adolescence through film. With some songs like Midnight Cowboy the influence is obvious, but what other films do you feel achieved that vision you pulled from?

N: I think it's funny because there's a lot that is very on the head. We have some films that pretty directly translate to the song. Usually, a song is just a melting pot of so many ideas that it is never limited to one thing. I think with the song ‘Opera’ it is very clearly about Dario Argento’s Opera in the style and structure. But the themes are more relevant to our lives and what is going on within them. With the entire album’s feel as a whole, we were trying to make something like the movie ‘The American Friend’. Before we shot the album art we watched it with the photographer just to get a general vision for it. I really do feel it is so many different films that we consumed. Even when we were recording we had VHS’ playing constantly in the background. You can look at the tracklist and breakdown a lot of the obvious influences.

If you could personally take any film in history and strip its soundtrack, thus replacing it with this album, which do you think it’d fit with best?

J: I don't even know if we can. I think we'd have to make the movie go with it.

Then what would the plotline of that film be?

J: what's interesting is we created that newspaper that had that short story inspired by the album cover as a scene. It was a way to verbalize much of what’s going on within the actual songs.

A lot of the album’s ideas are apparent in the music videos as well though. How do you feel you're able the concepts of the music into the visual space and is it important for you to create the stories through the different mediums?

N: I think it's funny because the music is so influenced by visual art. Once we create the song it becomes its own thing that needs to go through another filter to be understood. The music video for Disco is a combination of ‘The Last Days of Disco’ and this film called ‘The Hole’. It’s a combination of two things that would never find a life together other than in this video. It's fun and interesting to be able to almost pay homage to very different films we can interpret similarly.

On top of film, what other art and external factors did you find guiding you upon this artistic journey?

J: Just life honestly. The experiences and what we’ve been going through. I mean, ‘Midnight Cowboy is a fictional song, but I wrote it because someone that I had dated was a sex worker. They explained to me their whole philosophy of sex work and I was so inspired by that while cared so much for them that I tried to put myself into that perspective while being in love during that. The song Jamie is about Nick and I’s good friend and it’s songs like that we can look back on and remember the moments and heartbreaks along with them.

N: I think as we’ve made this record, the environment we created it in influenced it a lot. Moving to LA and creating such a grand project that is a step forward for us in our lives. Just being in the culture of LA and the weird celebrity of it has been a big influence. It’s also hard to say on some level. It really just is the accumulation of so many moments and so much media it’s impossible to pinpoint which is above the rest.

To kind of throw a quote at you, when Billy Corgan was making a lot of his nostalgia-based music for the Smashing Pumpkins, he said he was: “taking [his] childhood, wrapping it with a bow and putting it under [his] bed”. In a sense being able to look back on the past fondly but without a need for it. Do you feel this project, as you’re at 27, did the same for you or is there still a lot you're trying to find?

J: Absolutely. It's funny because ever since we began very young at 18-19, our whole demographic has been teenagers and people in their twenties. It's always been young faces throughout the years. We get very nostalgic and in love with these moments we have with each other and with friends. We’re trying to capture that. A lot of this album feels very much like these sweet moments or tough moments or moments of blessings where you just have to be in love with the times.

N: A lot of it does put a bow on it but the music doesn't give answers. It's confronting the tough questions of adulthood and life and the themes on the record are more mature than what we dealt with in the past. That's also just growing and having experiences. If anything, a lot of the adolescent or youth influence is from the fact I believe when you release a song, it’s someone else's. And with our fans being young it's a way for them to transcribe their growing up. Writing these songs has not felt like looking back on the rearview mirror but instead being within it.

You really have connected with the youth, as you said, and people talk about the staple of going to a Surf Curse show in their teens. But how do you feel about the fact that the legacy may be a soundtrack to that coming of age time and to find an answer through what you were trying to solve?

N: I think it's a beautiful thing. It's also a secondary thing as well. It’s never an intention but I think that it’s a beautiful result of music and it’s hard to take credit for it. It just becomes whatever someone makes of it and I can be proud of it all, but I think it's so unintentional. It’s hard to grasp how to feel about it or to take part in it.

Do you feel that you have memories in the future you’re currently nostalgic for before they even happen?

J: I think we're both excited to be on tour again. We’re looking forward to being in a car with people we love and having good and rough nights. I was on this Current Joys tour opening for Nick’s band and I still think of being in the car with everyone and loving it, or sometimes being so miserable some nights.

It seems on tour it’s not the shows that are memorable at all but the moments in between and the events between the milestones.

N: Oh for sure, the show is just 10% of the tour. No one else sees what else gets put into it.

J: We’re just part of that one hour for everyone else. But honestly, we’re probably 12 shows in and on an 8 hour drive consuming music and reading a book and having a beautiful conversation, probably telling the same story for the 5th time.

Do you have anyone to say thanks to or anything you want to say as a final idea?

N: I would say to any young creatives, do your work for the right reasons. Do it for yourself and don't create for being cool. Create so you can get yourself out there. Don't get blinded by what everyone perceives as a success. Find, make and achieve your own success.

J: Yeah, stay in your lane. I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been swimming a lot. I'm a new swimmer and I go to the YMCA and I’m learning to swim. It’s so hard and very existing. But those who go to this pool are really advanced swimmers and we have to share a lane. But whenever I look at what they’re doing I lose my form and focus. I always think about that when people talk about other artists. When you focus on what they're doing, you’re going to mess up your form. Stay in your lane and don't worry about how people will consume it. Just make it what you want. Oh, and watch ‘Too Old to Die Young’.

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Photos by Matthew James-Wilson

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Follow Surf Curse on Instagram and Twitter

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Words and Interview by Guy Mizrahi

[betsynagler]

Critical Thinking is Hard

I’m lucky: I grew up in a family where thinking was encouraged. My parents treated me and my brother like we were brilliant, which makes you want to be brilliant, and come up with your own ideas. They liked to talk about stuff, and, while they definitely treated us like kids, they also didn’t really shelter us too much. My mother was always ruining TV shows for me by pointing out the sexist moments in television, from reruns of The Brady Bunch and Star Trek, to Charlie’s Angels, Three’s Company and, well, it was the 70s and 80s, so pretty much all TV shows. But they still let us watch them, as well as R-rated movies which may not have been age-appropriate, and while they told us not to smoke pot, when we found out that they smoked pot, they gave us reasons for why it was okay for them and not us (since they “weren’t going to have any more children,” which seemed to make sense at the time). Another thing they did was encourage us to take responsibility for our own decisions from a fairly young age, which meant that you could stay up until 10 or 11 pm on a school night if you really wanted to, but it’d be your fault when you felt like shit all the next day. One can debate the pros and cons of this method of child-rearing (pro: de-mystifying drug use and other taboo behaviors to the degree that they actually start to seem uncool; encouraging kids to develop strong ethical compass and think through their actions; con: kids are even more weird compared to their peers, and precociously develop anxiety and guilt about their own actions). Nevertheless, it did start me on the road to learning the value of thinking for myself.

I didn’t really come into my own as a critical thinker until junior high, however, when I spent two years in a program for gifted students. First, isolation from my peers at a time when I was supposed to be learning the social skills of adulthood and the bullying that naturally flowed from that taught me to look for other people’s faults as a means of self-defense. That made me critical, if not necessarily thoughtful. But then I also had two years of Mr. Snyder teaching me social studies. Many of us in the gifted program had all of the same teachers for all of our academic subjects two years running. This meant that we got to know those teachers really well, and, in the case of Mr. Snyder, came to greatly admire and be shaped by his worldview. Mr. Snyder wasn’t an obvious candidate for intellectual guru to early adolescents. He wasn’t particularly handsome, and he’d had polio as a child and walked with a prominent limp. But he was funny and charismatic, gave terrific lectures that were like brilliant comedy monologues or TED talks, and knew how to make his students feel smart and special — in part because we had made it into his class, but still. We liked him so much that several of us would get to class early every day so that we could draw cartoons of him on the blackboard with clever word bubble-jokes, and he loved that. Too see him come into the room and look at our clever depictions of him and smile and make jokes right back at us, to feel appreciated for our intelligence and creativity, a sensation could be hard to come by as a suburban New Jersey youngster, was wonderful. The class was a mutual admiration society and a bit of a cult of personality that I think hugely affected all of us who took it.

I learned a lot there, as we studied political systems, geography and the history of the ancient world, among other things. We were assigned projects that were unlike anything you’d typically get in junior high or even high school, a combination of fun, self-driven exploration, and out-of-control amounts of work. We had to make a map of the world that included every single country, city, major mountain range and body of water, using color-coded overlays — something that I would have enjoyed, and sort of did, except that, since I was in 7th grade, I was terrible at judging how long it would take and left it until the last minute, and had to repeatedly re-letter the smudged plastic to make it readable in my 12-year-old handwriting. The following year, when we did separate units on Greece and Rome, we had to either fill in an entire outline that he provided with a paragraph or more on every subject, or do a handful of more creative projects designed to help us probe the topics in more interesting detail. After choosing to do the outline for Greece, thinking it would be easier, and ending up with several pounds of handwritten paper (I could not type) on everything from Sparta to Socrates to Doric columns that was probably 75+ pages long, Mr. Snyder had stared at the pile and admitted to me that he hadn’t really expected anyone to choose that option, that he’d made the outline so absurdly long to encourage people to do the creative projects. I probably got an A more because he didn’t want to read the whole damn thing than anything else, and on Rome, I did the projects, like going to a Roman-Catholic service and writing about it — which I did by interviewing my Catholic friend, Tara, instead of actually going to the service myself — or going to the Met to observe and then expound upon the differences one observed between the Greek and Roman statues — which I did after 15 minutes of taking furious notes on a Sunday when we arrived just as they were getting ready to close. Just because I loved Mr. Snyder didn’t mean that I, like any other kid, wasn’t always trying to get out of doing homework in any way I could.

The thing I learned and remember best, however, was not the facts, but the method. We had a class about political and economic systems — communism, socialism, capitalism, authoritarianism — and the first thing Mr. Snyder did was define these terms for us, explaining that they weren’t what we’d been told they were. Specifically, “communism,” the way it was looked at in the budding Reagan Era of the early 1980s, wasn’t actually communism at all. Real communism was an economic system that someone named Karl Marx had come up with, in which everyone owned everything, nobody was rich or poor or more powerful than anyone else, and that was, in fact, kind of the opposite of what the Soviet Union had become. This somewhat blew my mind. Here was the boogeyman that everyone talked about as the great evil threatening us with destruction — and remember, in the world of an American kid who had trouble sleeping at night because she obsessed with how we were one button push away from nuclear war, that meant genuine annihilation —  and it wasn’t even what it really was. How was this possible? How was everything that we saw on TV and in the newspapers and at the movies just plain wrong? It turned out that, once you delved into it, the evolution of the term “communism” in the popular vernacular was an education in how concepts entered the public consciousness and then were propagated endlessly in the echo chamber of the media and society until they became something else entirely, usually in the service of some political or social end. Sound familiar? It wasn’t the same then as it is now that we have the Wild West known as the Internet, in some ways it was easier to get an entire culture to basically think one incorrect thing rather than many insane things, but the ability to miseducate a huge swath a people without their questioning it? Yes, that existed, and understanding that was a very big deal to me. It meant that you always had to look deeper than the surface of things to be sure you understood the reality, even when it came to what those things were called.

Why doesn’t everyone get taught to think this way? Well, like most things in life, it gets increasingly harder to learn as you get older. The more set in our ways we get, the tougher it becomes to look at ourselves critically (which is essential to critical thinking, because to truly get that you must dissect and assess the viability of ideas, you have to start with your own assumptions), much less change the way our brains function in terms of adopting new ways of doing anything that’s really embedded in there, much less ways of doing everything, which is kind what it means to change the way you think. Plus, it’s in the best interest of those in power to keep the bulk of the human race from doing it. It’s tough to build an army of people who don’t automatically follow orders, or have a religion made up of people who are always questioning the word of God, or build a movement if the followers are continually asking the leaders, “Is that really true?” And so we’ve arrived at this situation where we have so much information out there now to make sense out of, and the bulk of us without the tools to figure out how to do that — and many who reject those tools because they’re told education is just liberal elite brainwashing. Instead, you see a lot of people turn to a kind of twisted, easy version of “critical” “thinking” espoused on the fringes of the left and right, which disposes with the thinking part and instead just espouses wholesale rejection of anything dubbed “establishment” or “mainstream,” no matter how awful the alternative may be (and at this point we know: it’s pretty awful). Add to that the folks who skillfully exploit the overwhelm of information and lack of analytical skills to support their own greed, lust for power and desire to win at all cost, and you end up with an awesome new and different kind of embedded orthodoxy, that encourages us to silo ourselves within “our” (really their) belief systems, walled in with “alternative facts” and media that support them, and defending it all tooth and nail with false equivalencies that encourage us not to critique thoughtfully based on evidence, but to to pick apart every idea that doesn’t fit or even makes us uncomfortable (“Well, every politician lies” was one of the most egregious ones I heard used recently to defend the president). 

And, when it comes right down to it, can you blame people? Thinking is exhausting, especially in this environment, and even human beings with the best intentions manage to ruin everything good anyway. Like, even though my parents didn’t make us believe their ideas, of course they still managed to inculcate in us their most mundane opinions. My father was particularly good at doing this, particularly when it came to eating (yup, Jews), like how fast food and chain restaurants should be avoided not based on nutrition but on lack of flavor (which I guess is why we still ate at White Castle), or how chocolate was really the only kind of acceptable dessert. It’s amazing that, no matter how far I’ve come as an adult, I still find it really hard to shake these ideas — like I saw a conversation on Facebook about how pie was superior to cake, and I just thought, Huh? But there aren’t any good chocolate pies. Another case in point: by the time I was a senior, Mr. Snyder had moved up to the high school, and was teaching an AP history class that I had the option to take. I decided to take economics instead, because I had never studied it, because one of my best friends was taking it, and, on some level I’m sure, to show that I didn’t need the wisdom of this idol of my 7th and 8th grade self, now that I was all of 16. I heard from people who took Snyder’s class that in his first opening monologue of the year he mocked those of his former students who had decided not to take his class — which I think might have just been me. That wasn’t really an appropriate thing for a teacher to do, especially since I was kind of doing what he’d taught us: to move on, do my own thinking and evaluate him critically. But as a human being, it’s hard to be a charismatic leader and just let that go — which is why the world has so many despots, and celebrities, and despotic celebrities. On other hand, my economics class was a terrible waste of time because it turned out that I didn’t like economics and the teacher was boring, so perhaps my premature rejection of Mr. Snyder and my 8th grade way of thinking, just to prove that I could do it, hadn’t been the best decision either. It’s hard not to wonder if I’d be just a slightly better, smarter person today if I’d accepted one more opportunity to take his class.

I’ll never know, but I guess the fact that I’m telling you this story means I haven’t given up on critical thinking. Maybe it’s because self-flagellating comes naturally to me, but these days, more than ever, I try to employ those skills as much as I can, even as it grows increasingly fucking hard. On top of all that media landscape stuff I mentioned a few paragraphs back, I also have this stupid menopause business I mentioned in my last blog post, which just amplifies all of the emotion that drives me as a human to err on the side of insanity, as if there weren’t already enough bad news, and bad “news,” out there driving a person in that direction. There are so many bad actors with so many tools that can be used to manipulate our fear and greed and lust into steamrolling our thinking these days, and all we have to fight back are these little broken piles of poop in our heads. And yet, we all do have them, aka brains, and so we have the ability to use them. And as one of those cynical-on-top-but-at-bottom-idealistic folks who believes we all also have the capacity to change, no matter how hard it might seem, until the day we die, I think we all have the ability to learn how to use them better. And yes, that means you, and your friends, and your kids, and even your cousins in Florida maybe, if we all just try a little harder.

I’m not sure what Mr. Snyder would say about me now, as I try to get people to think about stuff with this blog that almost nobody reads, but considering how many years he spent trying to teach adolescents about Platonic ideals, I’d imagine he’d approve. So in honor of him, and any teacher you’ve had who inspired you to think more, and more better, let’s advocate in 2019 not just for “our values,” but for the value of intelligent thought, even if we have to do it one mind at a time.

[your-dietician]

Adolescence, Stigma, and Owning Diabetes – Diabetes Daily

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Adolescence, Stigma, and Owning Diabetes – Diabetes Daily

This content originally appeared on diaTribe. Republished with permission.

By Katie Bacon

Katie Bacon is a writer and editor based in Boston. Her daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in August, 2012, when she was six. Katie’s writing about diabetes has appeared on TheAtlantic.com and ASweetLife. Katie has also written for The New York Times, The Boston Globe, and other publications.

Adolescence can be a confusing time, and this is doubly true for teenagers with type 1 diabetes. At a stage when everyone is starting to figure out who they are, the teenager with type 1 must also decide how much they want diabetes to be a part of their identity. Katie Bacon, the mother of a teenager with type 1, spoke with a range of experts and peers who shared their expertise and experiences on this subject.

Our daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at six years old, just before she started first grade. At the time, it was important both from a safety perspective and from an emotional one that the people around her knew about her diagnosis. Along with her teachers and the school nurse, we let all her friends and their parents know, and they rallied around us to support her. She quickly owned having type 1. It became an important and immutable part of her identity, one she was proud to share with others.

Fast forward eight years to this past fall, when she was doing orientation for her new high school. After being surrounded by a group of familiar and supportive friends from kindergarten through eighth grade, here she knew almost no one. Not to mention that, in the era of COVID-19 – with masks, cohorts, and strict rules about socializing – it would be much harder to meet people.

During orientation she was asked to create a timeline of important moments in her life. While chatting about what she might write, I asked if she was going to include her diagnosis. Her response seemed to come completely out of left field: “Why would I put that down? I’m not planning on telling anyone unless I become really close friends with them.”

She made it clear that she was now much less willing to acknowledge having type 1 as she entered high school. Although she didn’t express it quite this way, it seemed that the reason stemmed from a desire to avoid being judged or stigmatized – she didn’t want to be known as the new girl with diabetes. So, we agreed that we would tell the school nurse, her teachers, and her sports coaches – for her health and safety, it was non-negotiable that they all know. We also agreed that it would be up to her to choose when (and if) she would tell her friends.

Still, it felt like my daughter was cutting away her safety net. I wanted to know if this shifting perspective on her condition was typical for teenagers, and I wanted some advice on how to help her through it. I reached out to Rachel Rifkin, a longtime friend who was diagnosed with type 1 at age ten; to Dr. Ananta Addala, a pediatric endocrinologist at Stanford Children’s Health; and to Dr. Persis Commissariat, a pediatric psychologist at Joslin Diabetes Center who also has type 1. Through their expertise and experiences, they helped answer my questions about disclosing teenage diabetes versus hiding it; about stigma, perceived stigma, and how to deal with it; and about how to let go a little bit while still giving our daughter support through this process.

One of the crucial parts of adolescence is identity development, when teenagers figure out who they are in relation to their family and their peers. At this developmental stage, people are particularly sensitive to being different in any way; and if they are different, they want it to be in ways that they’ve chosen. All of this is complicated, of course, by having a chronic disease that requires frequent visible action and identifiable devices to manage (insulin shots, continuous glucose monitors or CGM, insulin pumps, etc.).

Dr. Commissariat took on this topic as the lead author of a paper on identity and treatment adherence in teens and young adults with type 1 diabetes, which appeared in Pediatric Diabetes. She and her co-authors looked at the differences between those who “incorporated” their illness versus those who “contained” it or tried to keep it separate from the rest of their identity. “Those who incorporate their illness … take it into account in their daily life and are able to find ways to include the illness as part of their sense of self. Those who contain their illness may try to keep their illness hidden, worry about stigma, or try to … maintain a sense of self [that is] unburdened by illness, often ignoring daily self-management needs.”

What they found, Dr. Commissariat explained to me, was that people who tend to take a more “positive approach to making diabetes part of their sense of self – people who view it as ‘it’s my burden and I’m okay with it’ – tended to have lower A1C levels. They were a little more engaged in treatment.” In other words, those teenagers who managed to incorporate diabetes into their identity usually did better.

Because of this, Dr. Commissariat works with her patients to help them develop an identity that has “an appropriate degree of type 1 in it. I don’t think anyone needs to identify first and foremost as a person with diabetes. But the fact of the matter is that there are secondary issues that come up if we don’t take care of diabetes. So, you must identify with it to some extent. And I think what oftentimes becomes difficult for teenagers is finding that balance between being a ‘normal teenager’ and being a teenager with diabetes. Because on its face, they don’t really go hand-in-hand, but they should and they can.”

As I’ve witnessed firsthand with our daughter, adolescence can be a time when children want to move away from their identity as someone with type 1. When Rachel Rifkin was a teenager, she found herself transitioning from being relatively open about having type 1 to having it be something that she preferred to keep to herself. “I always did whatever I could to avoid people knowing about it. I always wore my pump in a back pocket. I never wanted to clip it onto the front of my pants or anything.”

In her practice, Dr. Addala has seen people go both ways. While she says that it’s more common for teenagers to “minimize the thing that makes them different, which is a very normal teenage developmental thing to do,” she’s also had patients who have embraced that difference. And in fact, in those individuals she sees a “further doubling down on the fact that diabetes is what makes them who they are; it’s a source of strength and pride and something that defines their character.”

But for those teenagers who aren’t willing to talk about or share that they have diabetes, both Dr. Commissariat and Dr. Addala try to understand the reasons behind the hesitancy. As Dr. Addala explains, “I try to see where the source of the apprehension comes from. Is it specifically that they don’t mind taking care of their diabetes or they don’t mind wearing technology, but they just don’t want other people to see?”

In these situations, Dr. Addala treads lightly and tries to respect the teenager’s feelings while gently encouraging them to open up. “I let them lead a bit when this topic comes up. They might say, well, I think I could probably tell my closest friend that I have diabetes. Or maybe they’re not willing to tell anyone, and I do my best to support them even in those cases. I’m trying to find out where their internalized stigma is originating from, and then see how far they’re willing to go in terms of who they share the information with. I generally use this approach because then they have some ownership.”

Dr. Commissariat points out that there’s an essential difference between being private about having diabetes and being secretive about it. As she tells her patients, “You don’t need to advertise it. But for safety purposes, it is important that at least a couple of your close friends know.”

She also talks about helping teenagers learn to communicate that they have type 1 in a way that feels manageable and builds confidence. She tells her patients: “I want to know exactly what you wish other people knew about diabetes. And then let’s find a way to teach people in a way that is not burdensome to you. Teenagers are trying so hard to not draw too much attention to themselves, so I often practice with them in our visits – how can we bring this up in a way that is not going to bite you in the back? That could mean having a serious discussion with your best friend, or that could mean something as easy as wearing short sleeves around people who don’t know you have diabetes, just so that they can see your CGM. Wait for people to comment on it. Use a passive disclosure strategy where you just pull out your pump and you take a bolus, and you don’t say anything unless somebody asks you.”

It’s especially helpful for teenagers to have a disclosure strategy when it comes to romantic or physical relationships. As Rifkin says, “With people you’re interested in, it’s a whole other web that you have to navigate in terms of what you tell people and when. And as I’m sure you can imagine, if you have a CGM or a pump, there are physical things on your body that may come up. It’s helpful to have a strategy for how you deal with that.”

Teenagers tend to be both self-centered and self-conscious, so when it comes to diabetes, it’s easy for them to assume that everyone is noticing it in a negative way. Rifkin remembers being in a movie theater one time when her pump started beeping. “I was so horrified. I was like, ‘Oh my God. Everyone must hate me right now. I’m ruining this experience for them.’ You don’t have a lot of perspective at that age. Diabetes seemed like such a big deal.”

Dr. Commissariat points out that all teenagers tend to think the focus is on themselves – even when it’s not. She tells her patients, “Your friends don’t care that you’ve had to go to the bathroom to take an injection. Your friends are like, ‘Okay, let’s go to the bathroom, then I can check how my hair looks.’” And she comments that those who do ask about it are probably asking because “they’re interested and they’re curious, and maybe those will be the people who will help you in the future.”

Another tip Dr. Commissariat gives her patients is to make sure that they talk about diabetes in the way they want others to see it. “If you don’t want it to be a big deal, don’t make it into a big deal because people are going to mirror you.”

For both Dr. Addala and Dr. Commissariat, part of the process is working with the parents on learning how to give their children the space to develop independence, as teenagers need to do. This can be a difficult transition, since diabetes requires so much oversight from both the parent and the child. As Dr. Commissariat says, “One of the major tasks of this developmental stage is to be independent and become less attached to your parents. But it’s really hard with diabetes to be less attached to your parents and be more like your friends when you’re managing something that takes so much responsibility.”

Dr. Addala focuses on helping parents try to see the situation from their child’s perspective. “So often part of the conversation is helping the family understand why a teenager might not want others to know they have diabetes. Where safety is concerned, it helps for the family to create boundaries around what is a true concern, and what’s just an added buffer in terms of safety.”

For both Rifkin and Dr. Commissariat, owning type 1 was a long process, one that continued into adulthood. Now, Rifkin says, “I’m a lot more open about it. I think it makes sense that those feelings that teenagers have of wanting to be private and not wanting to stick out at all fade over time, as people feel more confident in their own skin. These days I don’t feel like I have to explain it to anybody.”

Dr. Commissariat describes a long process of slowly pushing herself to make diabetes a more public part of her identity; she started by keeping her pump on display rather than keeping it in her pocket. Then she moved to bolusing and checking her blood sugar in front of people she knew and then also in front of people she didn’t know. Part of the change, for her, started when her nurse practitioner sat her down and said, “You’re not a diabetic, you’re a person with diabetes.” (Dr. Commissariat has since learned about research suggesting that this shift in labeling helps people become “more accepting of their identity with diabetes.”)

“When I look back on it now,” she says, “that statement suddenly clicks for me [in terms of] everything I went through. I thought diabetes was trying to define me, and that was my big mistake. I own it, it doesn’t hold me. When I allowed diabetes to be a part of my day and created my own definition of myself with diabetes as just a part of who I am and what I do, it wasn’t quite as burdensome anymore, but still annoying, no doubt.”

As for our daughter, after a year at her new school, my sense is that she’s still private about her diabetes, but she’s no longer secretive. A couple of her closest friends at her school now know, and that feels like a good start. At an event at the end of the year, after what felt like months where she hadn’t been willing to bolus in front of anyone, I finally saw her pull out her pump and give herself insulin right there in public – even if she was a bit off to the side. No one except me seemed to notice. I felt like she was beginning to establish that place for herself where she could feel like any other teenager. A teenager who just happens to have diabetes.

About Katie

Katie Bacon is a writer and editor based in Boston. Her daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in August, 2012, when she was six. Katie’s writing about diabetes has appeared on TheAtlantic.com and ASweetLife. Katie has also written for The New York Times, The Boston Globe, and other publications.

Note: Given the personal nature of this article, Bacon asked for and received her daughter’s permission to publish it.

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Read more about A1c, adolescence, continuous glucose monitor (CGM), insulin, insulin pump, insulin pumps, Intensive management, joslin, Joslin Diabetes Center, parent of a child with diabetes.

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[aion-rsa]

How Boba Fett Actor Jeremy Bulloch Set the Template for The Mandalorian

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Boba Fett’s green, T-visored helmet is a menacing visage that’s nearly evocative of Star Wars as Darth Vader’s; one first embodied on film by actor Jeremy Bulloch, who, sadly, passed away on December 17 at the age of 75. However, the legacy that Bulloch leaves behind has proven far greater than a character with minimal screentime and dubbed lines seemingly had any right to possess. It’s a legacy to which hit Disney+ series The Mandalorian owes a great deal of thanks.

Bulloch, born in Leicestershire, England on February 16, 1945, wasted little time getting himself onscreen with uncredited roles—while still an adolescent—in 1958 films Violent Playground and Titanic tragedy movie A Night to Remember, continuing to work steadily for years in U.K.-aimed films and television shows. He fielded a notable four-episode 1974 run as Hal the Archer on Doctor Who (opposite Jon Pertwee’s Third Doctor); his second run on the series, having previously fielded a three-episode role in 1965 with William Hartnell’s First Doctor. He was also visible in 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me (with Roger Moore’s James Bond) as a crewman on the HMS Ranger. However, that decade’s end would yield his defining role.

Fate would land in Bulloch’s lap in 1979 when his half-brother, Robert Watts, an associate producer for director Irvin Kershner’s 1980 Star Wars sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, offered what would become a career-defining role as bounty hunter Boba Fett. While the role put Bulloch in the highly-anticipated sequel to the world’s biggest blockbuster, it came with the crucial caveat of hiding his face inside a helmet, with his lines eventually dubbed over, seemingly making it more of a stuntman’s gig. Indeed, as Watts told StarWars.com of the almost blue-collar nature of Bulloch’s casting, “I’d never managed to give Jeremy a job on film. So, I rang him up and said, ‘If the suit fits, the part’s yours.’ He came in and it fit.”

Lucasfilm

Bulloch found himself tasked with bringing to life a character who, at that point, existed as a vague concept, conceived by designers Ralph McQuarrie and Joe Johnston, and eventually debuted in animated form for the notorious 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special (voiced there by Don Francks,) before taking shape as Kenner’s mail-away action figure (one that’s extremely valuable these days). Thus, Bulloch may have been the first actor to play Boba, but he didn’t exactly originate the character. Moreover, it wasn’t even his only role in Empire, since he also fielded the minor (and unhelmeted) part of Lieutenant Shekil, the Imperial officer who was holding Leia on Bespin as she tried to warn a just-arrived Luke about Vader’s trap. Yet, that fact didn’t prevent the actor from finding a way to put an unforgettable stamp on the seemingly perfunctory role of Fett.

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“I thought of Boba Fett as Clint Eastwood in a suit of armor,” Bulloch said of his initial approach to the part, according to StarWars.com. Thus, inspired by Eastwood’s Western films—notably the ruthless antihero elements from his 1960s Spaghetti Western trilogy run as “The Man with No Name” for director Sergio Leone—Bulloch was able to project an attitude through Fett that didn’t necessarily reflect what the Empire script demanded. While Fett was simply in the film to be the Imperial-contracted bounty hunter who—after cleverly out-foxing his competitors—successfully tracked the Millennium Falcon to its destination of Bespin, Bulloch’s nuanced physical performance told audiences everything they needed to know about the character through his movements and gestures.

Disney/Lucasfilm

Bearing his Eastwood-inspired demeanor, Bulloch’s Fett had an ominously calm stance and constantly cradled his rifle in a way that made you believe that he could, in a blink of an eye, drop anyone stupid enough to run afoul of him. This was immediately clear from the first moment we saw him in Empire, standing amongst the other bounty hunters on the bridge of Darth Vader’s Star Destroyer, being specifically called out by the villain, who said “I want them alive, no disintegrations,” to which he—with shocking temerity—insolently responds, “as you wish.” We’d see more of that attitude later in the film when he protests to Vader of his prize, Han Solo, being put in carbonite, “What if he doesn’t survive? He’s worth a lot to me,” to which an uncharacteristically conciliatory Vader promises compensation if Han dies. Indeed, anyone who can get away with talking to Darth Vader like that must be worthy of interest. In fact, at one point Boba was eyed to be the primary villain of the threequel that we now know as 1983’s Return of the Jedi.

Interestingly, it was actor Jason Wingreen who delivered Fett’s lines in Empire (he had none in Jedi, save for a scream track), bringing a complementary gruffness apropos to the character’s Western inspiration. That element, however, would be one of many casualties in the 2004 DVD releases of the Original Trilogy, in which Wingreen’s impactful lines were replaced by re-dubbed dialogue from Temuera Morrison, who played Boba’s father, Jango Fett, in 2002 prequel middle act Attack of the Clones and (in a recent development), a Sarlacc-survived Boba himself on The Mandalorian. While Morrison has since proven himself to be a great Boba Fett onscreen, his retroactively-inserted lines in Empire—a move made to create cross-trilogy synergy—unfortunately diluted the character’s mystique, since they were delivered unemotionally, as if Boba was simply taking orders like one of his gene-modified subservient Clone Army cousins.

Disney/Lucasfilm

However, Boba Fett’s mystique remained mostly undiminished, seen as a stoic loner unconcerned with the Force—light or dark sides—and is simply trying to make a credit in a galaxy filled with “scum and villainy,” a true Western archetype. Thus, that long-held perception—enforced by Bulloch’s performances—eventually yielded The Mandalorian, which was the manifestation—in a serialized television format—of everything that the fandom had always come to believe of Boba Fett, except through Pedro Pascal’s helmeted, sartorially-similar, jet-pack-flying title character, who we’d eventually learn is named Din Djarin. Moreover, the very title of the series reflects an entire extension of the evolving Star Wars canon that stems directly from Boba, namely the planet Mandalore, the Mandalorian people, its royal lineages, Djarin’s ascetic “this is the way” subsect and even animated favorites like Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ Bo-Katan Kryze (now played onscreen by original voicer Katee Sackhoff,) and Star Wars Rebels‘ Sabine Wren. The entire concept fundamentally came into being to explain Boba’s backstory, and took shape in the way it did because of the seemingly minor element of Bulloch’s onscreen work behind a helmet.   

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Consequently, Bulloch’s Boba Fett role may not have been fodder for Oscar clips, but it did provide character-defining, emotive physicality almost akin to what we’d later see recognized in the motion-capture era of films, notably with important onscreen-hidden performers like Andy Serkis. As George Lucas expresses in a statement, “Jeremy brought the perfect combination of mystery and menace to his performance of Boba Fett, which is just what I wanted the character to convey,” adding, “In addition, Jeremy was a true gentleman who was very supportive of Star Wars and its fans, and I’m very grateful for his contributions to the saga and its legacy.”

The post How Boba Fett Actor Jeremy Bulloch Set the Template for The Mandalorian appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[suciaramadianti]

A Raw Portrayal of Mother-Daughter Relationship in ‘Ladybird’

Lady Bird tells a story about a seventeen-year-old teenage girl living in Sacramento and faces a struggle in finding her identity. The real given name of the girl is Christine, but she decides to make everybody in her life calls her Lady Bird. The movie originally released in 2017 and has since received many positive comments on how brilliant the story is. There are several important elements which make up the aesthetic values of the movie and are worth exploring, some of them are its take on the mother-daughter relationship and how it is delivered through its visuals which evokes the audience’s memory of the past. Though the chosen theme might seem cliché, the way Lady Bird chose to deliver it was part of the reason it got nominated in the 90th Academy Award. Thus, this essay aims to first explain about the movie director along with the process of the movie production, then to present its two main aesthetic values: the visual effect of memory together with the portrayal of the mother-daughter relationship, and the last is to discuss the effect it has on most of its audience.     

Greta Gerwig, the first woman to be nominated in the category of Best Director in 2018’s Academy Awards after eight years, has long been involved in many movie productions. Her works range from Frances Ha, Mistress America, 20th Century Women, to her current hit movie adaptation of Little Women, to name a few. Those mentioned movies were what mostly made up the hallmark of her career which at the same time contributed to boosting her confidence to not only involve as an actress or a screenwriter but starting to direct her own movie as well. That desire didn’t just come as a random overnight thought, it had always been a part of her goals in developing her skill. In total, Gerwig has been creating within the movie industry for 10 years long, starting from her mainstream debut of a movie entitled Greenberg. Only in a span of 7 years, she was able to make her directorial debut in the making of Lady Bird, in which the script and the main ideas were originally hers. Although it didn’t take her many years to achieve her dream like most of the experienced directors, Lady Bird has proved to be an impactful coming-of-age story garnering positive criticisms ever since its release.   

Gerwig’s idea of ‘Lady Bird’ started as 350 pages long of movie script which took her years to write and managed to finish at the end of 2015. To fit the core of the story she wanted to tell, she cut out many bits from her original script. The idea of the story itself originally came from her careful observation of how many movies she saw rarely captures how complicated and yet feels strongly important the complicated relationship between a mother and a daughter is. In organizing the whole idea of the story, she drew many experiences from her teenage years living as a confused young girl in Sacramento, California who went to an all-girls Catholic school. The background of Greta’s life as a teenager was picked as a fit for the protagonist she created: Christine (Lady Bird). This is why the movie is deeply rooted in the cultures of Sacramento and the rituals of a Catholic school which both served as vital elements of Lady Bird’s life turbulence as a seventeen-year-old girl. Through the making of the movie, Gerwig faced many challenges such as a limited budget to continue the production, but through the help of friends, she is able to pass through it. The idea of representing the mother-daughter relationship and the way it is delivered through simplistic visual film techniques resulted in worthy aesthetic values to ponder upon.     

The one thing that makes Lady Bird’s visual images different from most of the major motion pictures is its approach in portraying the story through the implementation of “memory concept”, drawing an inner nostalgic nuance of the audience compellingly. As Gerwig said in Vanity Fair , she wanted the movie to look like a memory since it’s set in the early 2000s so she attempted to focus on bringing out essential vintage elements through the visual effects. However, she wanted it to be as unique as possible in a way that she wouldn’t just throw any pre-packaged film grains to aim the goal like most of the films in the industry. To achieve that, she attempted to create her own desired visuals by reproducing a collection of photos taken in the 2000s by a photographer named Lise Sarfati along with adding more inspiration from Gerwig’s high school yearbook photo in the early 2000s. From days of trying to copy the colors from the photos, she managed to discover the exact visual she had in mind, she described the result as resembling 2003. She further emphasized the setting by paying attention to details, adding an in-depth element closely related to the year such as the angsty pop hits of Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me a River, Alanis Morisette, Dave Matthews Band, and the list goes on. The major pop culture references help the adult audience to relate more to the concept of memory the movie tries to deliver. For its representation of memory, the audience is expected to bring their own past experience from their adolescence period similar to that of Lady Bird’s to grasp any meaning from it, or else the story would appear bland and inauthentic. Additionally, the movie includes a lot of quick cuts editing techniques to thrive on the notion that there are some crucial moments in life which end as soon as it starts and enable the readers to evoke their memories through someone else’s past that isn’t theirs. Through Gerwig’s effort of recreating memory, the movie successfully enhanced the audience’s emotions of the story. 

At a glance, the movie might look like an average coming-of-age story of teenagers struggling to seek their identities, but in Lady Bird, a true portrayal of a complex mother and daughter relationship is presented as the gripping theme for the audience. The movie is filled with intense scenes of fights as well as endless arguments between the protagonist and her mother with the use of realistic dialogues amplifying a closeness to reality. As opposed to telling a story of a loving, warmth, understanding, and affectionate relationship on mother-daughter, Gerwig chose to epitomize the relationship as to how a real mother-daughter relationship looks like in most people. The realness of it is also emphasized by the involvement of meaningless arguments from choosing a suitable prom dress for Lady Bird to more complex ones like choosing where the best place to pursue a college education is. Thus, women audiences may feel more drawn to the story and also men whose lives involve a sister and a wife may as well be able to acknowledge the genuine portrayal of it. As Gerwig pointed out in her NPR’s interview that she specifically wanted to tell a story of the relationship with an equal of both love and angst . With its deep-dived exploration in the mother-daughter relationship, it leads to creating a powerful message well-received in the hearts of the audience.

The effect the movie has on the audience’s heart has been a bunch of heartfelt commentaries on how they reflect upon their teenage self in terms of defining what love means after seeing the movie for the first time. The audience is most drawn to the fact of how authentic the dialogues are, especially the conversations between Lady Bird and her mother. The movie manages to show that the love of a mother doesn’t always necessarily come in a form of supportive pieces of advice, constant blunt of affection, or a pat on the back, but it goes way beyond that. The mother’s love which shown in the movie is transferred through her attention to Lady Bird, such as her concern for her daughter to pick the right college to go to. That kind of attention might appear overbearing, burdensome, and judgemental, but that is exactly how the mother unconsciously chooses to express her love to her daughter. This is what deeply carved an impactful outlook on what love means for most of its audiences. It makes them redefine the kind of complex love their mothers expressed which at first they would reluctantly call it as love during their teenage years. Most of the movie’s fans admit calling their mothers immediately as soon as the movie ended just for the sake of apologizing for their angsty unacceptable behavior as a teenager that shows how meaningful the message of the story is.

In general, the movie successfully brings out the aesthetic values through the creation of memory and its theme of the relationship between and mother in a unique way. It manages to encapsulate the details of the early 2000s which makes adult audiences relate to it even more. Furthermore, the simplicity of visual techniques has also turned out to be a part of the element of perfection in the movie. Observing the movie through its making process and aesthetical values makes it feel like one of important coming-of-age movies to watch.

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Defining Moments (Part 1)

    When I was young I wanted to be many things. I imagined the whole world was at my finger tips and if I reached out far enough I would have it. As you get older you begin to see you can’t have everything. Life and reality sometimes brings you back from the clouds and crashes you back to earth. As you get older and with each passing year you begin to see a pattern. Life is not always what you expect it to be and it consists of highs and lows. This doesn’t mean that you can’t become the things you want to become. It means that you have to take it one step at a time and find the courage to push past the obstacles ahead. 

   As children we begin to have curiosity about the world and we easily believe what other people tell us. If someone comes up and tells you that you are dumb, ugly and so on, you tend to internalize it.  I think everything you go through during your adolescent years has a deep impact on how you view yourself. No, this doesn’t mean you can’t overcome any fear or self doubt, it just means sometimes it might take some time to see the patterns in your own behavior and choices in life. You can overcome anything if you have faith in yourself and know somethings just take time. It is not what we want to hear sometimes but it is the truth. Every obstacle takes time, every heartbreak can heal and every bad memory can fade. It is not just about the destination, it’s about how you get there and all the stops you take along the way that can define your life. In my life I have learned this lesson many times and I know I will continue to learn this lesson through out my entire life.

  In my life I have overcome many obstacles some big and some small, but all of my obstacles have shaped me into the person I am today. Some of my defining moments have stayed with me and helps to remind me of how far I have come. I have had a very blessed life. I have amazing parents ant siblings who have supported me through all of my trials. They have been a light at the end of the tunnel when everything is black. I cannot thank them enough for everything they have done for me. In fact I am grateful to any person who has helped me, inspired me and shown me kindness. It is because of all these people I am the strong and loving person I am today. I look at my defining moments of life without judgement or without anger. I have been able heal wounds over time and with a lot of work. I want to share with you a few of these moments. 

   My first defining moment in my life began when I was 6 1/2 years old. I was walking down the side walk in my neighborhood to go to a friends house when two teenage boys pulled me a side and began to ask me questions. As a young girl I didn’t think much of it. I had seen these boys before and thought I would be just a minute. As the boys talked their behavior and questions began to change. I felt frozen in time. One boy pulls out a camera and the other begins to ask me to do things. The boy ask me to lift up my shirt so I hesitated and then did. Then the boy ask me sexual questions that I didn’t understand at the time. As the boy asked me questions the other boy would take a picture of my body parts. The last thing I remember is my little pants unbuttoning and the boy touching me. After being sexually assaulted I didn’t talk about really happened for years. I would mention some things to friends, but not in great detail. I had become emotionally disconnected from from myself and others. I would move forward with a fake smile on my face and onward with life. As I got a little older and had reached middle school, I sunk into a deep depression. I began to write death letters to myself, began to write my own will at age 12. I would not sleep for nights and became an insomniac. I remember crying almost every night for two years. I did not speak of any of this to my parents or friends. In fact you probably couldn’t tell if I was depressed or not, I was good at hiding my emotions. Years went by without telling a single soul, besides my little sister who probably didn’t understand what was going on with me. I was beyond lost and afraid, till one night I began to pray. 

    I was 16 years old now and I was living a life of a 40 year old it seemed. One night I was in my room sitting on the floor and had lost hope in everything. I had not prayed in years, I was so angry that God would allow my life to be this way, so I had turned my back on him. But that night as I sat on the floor I had this feeling to pray, I knelt down on my knees and begged God to save me. I knelt on my knees for almost 4 hours praying. I was crying uncontrollably and my knees and hands where crapping from gripping my fingers together so tightly. When all a sudden I felt this overwhelming love and warmth overcome me. In that moment I heard a voice say “Go talk to your parents, tell them everything.” I began to get up off the floor, but I was to scared to get up and reach out to them. I didn’t want them to worry about me anymore than they already did. So I sat on the floor the entire night crying instead of being brave enough to talk to them. I felt like that was my last chance and I would never get it again. Till one day a month later I was out with a friend and I told her how I was feeling. She inspired me to run home and tell my parents the truth about my depression. 

   When I got to the door I took a deep breath and went into the living room to find my mom laying on the couch watching TV. I walked into the living room and sat on the floor next to couch. I looked at my mom and told her I needed to tell her something. My mom looked at me with concern and began to listen. I opened up to her and told her about how I thought I had depression and I needed help. My mom showed me love and compassion. We talked for a while and decided the next day we would tell my dad. My dad was sad that I had been going through this and it was the first time I had seen my dad really cry up to that point. In that moment I felt so loved and supported. I knew that I would not be alone anymore. I knew I had not blown my chance to change. I knew I had a second chance at life to be better and to be happy. I made a big change in all aspects of my life. I began to pray and love myself again. It was a wonderful feeling of release. Now, at that point in time I was not ready to talk about my sexual assault and to be completely honest I didn’t understand how that experience had really impacted me. It would take several more years and therapy to understand why I was the way I was.  

   When I was 18 years old I was seeing a therapist. I remember I first day in therapy, he didn’t even ask me anything yet and I began to cry. I told my therapist I had been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years now and I was beginning to fall back into a deep depression. As the sessions went on I began to open up more to him and one day he asked me about my initial paper work. I checked of the physical abuse box on my form when I first came in. I sat in silence and he asked if I wanted to talk about that. I began to cry and after a few minutes I finally opened my mouth and said I was sexually assaulted as a child. As I remembered the experience, the feelings of shame, guilt and loneliness overcame me. It was like I was experiencing it all over again. It was incredibly hard to talk about it, but I’m happy that I did. As time went on it became easier and easier to talk about. I was able to understand that it wasn’t my fault and I was not alone. The thing to understand though about sexual assault victims is they blame themselves for the horrible actions of the other person. It took me almost 19 years to come to terms with it and even then somethings would trigger a memory. I remember trying to watch the movie “Gone Baby Gone” with my boyfriend (now husband) and within the first 20 minutes of the movie, I went into the bathroom and locked the door and cried. It’s really hard to explain to people why it’s so hard to come out and tell people what happened to them. If you have never experienced it’s hard to say.

  After I went to a few therapist and was able to come terms with my life.  It gave me courage to open up to my mom about my assault when I turned 21 years old. We were having a girls day my sister, my mom and I were  talking outside a Thai restaurant. As we sat in that moment I felt this urge to tell my mom about my assault. I was so nervous to finally confess the horrible reality of that experience to her; but as I opened up I knew I was safe. We all cried as we spoke about this painful experience and in that moment I could feel the same release I felt when I was 16 years old. I was at peace with myself and it helped me to create a stronger bond with my mother. Sometimes I wished I was strong enough when I was younger to open up, but the truth is things happen in there due time. 

    Now, I wish I could say that I lived happily ever after and my life has got easier, but that is not what life is all about. Life can be so hard sometimes that you want to break down and run away. It can bring you to your knees and make you feel like there is no way out. All I know about life is, no matter what happens and how hard things get you can make it through.  As long as your willing to vulnerable and open up to others. Admit when you have a problem and look at the grand scheme of things. Remember these moments in life are special, because it allows you to see cracks in your life and help you to see ways to mend it. We all have cracks and we all have pain, but it is about we do during those moments of trial that can define your life. Life is about the experiences we have, the love we have to enjoy and memories we make. Don’t allow your past to define you, don’t let self doubt control you and always see the beauty in your life experiences. I know I am grateful for every experience I have had thus far in my life. It has made me who I am. I will not let these moments define me, I will not give power to the past and things that can’t be controlled. Live in the moment, take it day by day and seek out the sun shine not the darkness. Be at peace in your life and you will find joy; I know this to be true. Hold on, keeping going your not alone. 

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Twenty Years Later, '10 Things I Hate About You' Is More Relevant Than You'd Expect

For me and all the other mid-80s millennials, 1999 didn’t signal the end of an era. It was the start of our definitive teenage years, rich with all the compulsive hormone-driven drama that would ultimately shape us into the adults we went on to become.

1999 was the year I started high school; the year that I got what was, at the time, a state-of-the-art three-CD player on which I blasted TLC’s FanMail, Backstreet Boys’ Millennium, and Sugar Ray’s 14:59 on endless loop. It’s also the blessed year that 10 Things I Hate About You was released.

I’m guessing many adolescent girls—and boys, for that matter—at the time could relate to at least one of the characters in 10 Things I Hate About You. There was quippy sidekick Michael (David Krumholtz), doe-eyed and floppy-haired new kid Cameron (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), effortlessly and often infuriatingly twee Bianca (Larisa Oleynik), the tragically underrated Mandella (Susan May Pratt), and of course, the mewling, rampallian wretch herself, Kat (Julia Stiles).

Like Kat, I existed on the fringes of my fairly affluent, mostly white public school’s society, although my banishment was less self-inflicted than hers. Yes, I haunted bookstores in my spare time and plastered my room with torn-out pages from Bust Magazine and dELiA*s catalogs, but I was neither thin, blond, or a voluntary member of any sports team. I couldn’t understand how someone who could effortlessly bare an enviably toned midriff be so bold as to snub male attention, which was the only type of attention I craved as a swarthy 13 year old who had yet to be kissed.

But her defiance of conventional feminine attitudes captivated me. The idea that one could subscribe to their own ideals rather than conform to anyone else’s expectations was a completely new concept in a time when teenage self-discovery was only just taking root. I did give a damn ‘bout my reputation… but maybe I didn’t have to.

In 1999, Kat’s brand of feminism seemed pretty extreme. But looking back on it 20 years later, it’s surprising how mainstream certain aspects of it now come across.

“Every time I watch this movie Kat seems more and more relatable,” explains Sarah Barson, co-host of Bad Feminist Film Club, a podcast that reviews movies through a feminist lens. “At the time this movie came out, I think Kat was supposed to be a super ‘out there’ radical feminist, but the stuff she talks about feels very relevant to modern conversations about pop culture and a woman's right, or even responsibility, to speak up and challenge social norms.”

But according to 10 Things I Hate About You writers Karen McCullah and Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith, Kat may have ended up differently if written for today’s audience.

“I think Kat would have to have a more extreme form of rebellion,” says Smith. “We’d have to dig her even further into a counter-culture, because in that era, it was all pretty simple.”

Rather than merely dreaming of playing in a riot grrrl band, Smith says Kat would’ve already been shredding on her pearly white Stratocaster, playing her angsty songs at different gigs. Had 10 Things been written in 2019, McCullah sees a version of Kat that’s more in touch with the activism of today’s teens.

“Like, kind of the Parkland student vibe, I think. We would add a little bit more of that,” she says. ”I think those kids are amazing, what they’re accomplishing. When I think of teenagers right now, that’s where my brain goes first.”

Smith agrees. “That’s a good point, yeah. When we wrote it, we were kind of in a freewheeling 90s bubble, not really thinking about the larger world around us. Now, as Karen pointed out, the experience of the youth is much different. They’re much more global in their thinking than we were.”

10 Things I Hate About You has its share of shortcomings, although it’s held up better over time than other teen flicks of previous eras, like Sixteen Candles. I’m willing to bet that a fresh audience today wouldn’t laugh quite as hard when Kat flashes her soccer coach to help Patrick (Heath Ledger) sneak out of detention—even with his swoon-worthy dimples—or let it slide when Bianca drops the R-word during an argument with Kat. And let's not forget how “nice guy” Cameron manipulated the entire love triangle just so he could have a shot with the younger Stratford sister. Oof.

Even so, the characters' relationships with one another and even their personal shortcomings hold up relatively authentically in a way that few other movies have been able to accomplish.

“The Craft was the perfect movie for any woman who felt disenfranchised, and Never Been Kissed really did stress the importance of self-confidence and self-acceptance, but 10 Things I Hate About You was about real characters to whom average women could relate,” says Dr. Randall Clark, author of At a Theater Or Drive-In Near You: The History, Culture, and Politics of the American Exploitation Film and associate professor of Communication and Media Studies at Clayton State University.

Dr. Clark’s students have expressed surprise that Kat was open about her sexual experience and yet managed to escape some of the consequences that society tends to heap upon young women who have sex at what they consider to be a young age.

“It was just a fact of her life,” he says, giving credit to the movie for being “not at all judgmental about her past.”

The filmmakers’ non-superficial portrayal of an unapologetic and (one-time) sexually active feminist was a groundbreaking achievement at a time when few other feature films even dared to explore the complexities of teen girl relationships. In the 90s, and to some extent today, feminism is often mistakenly equated with man-hating, an idea that both writers resoundingly reject.

“Feminists need love too!” laughs Smith.

Earlier teen-centric comedies like 1995’s Clueless helped lay the groundwork for 10 Things by weaving together real-life scenarios with tongue-in-cheek banter that managed to entertain, but also illuminate some of the basic pillars of modern-day feminism. The fact that both are remakes of classics— Clueless being a contemporary version of Jane Austen’s Emma and 10 Things I Hate About You being a modern adaptation of William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew—that revolve around young women with BIG personalities makes perfect sense. Women finding their place in the world, and being tamed by men, is by no means a novel idea.

But one thing that many of these iconic films of the late 90s and early 2000s lack is a sense of intersectionality. Bad Feminist Film Club co-host Kelly Kauffman cites Bring It On as one example of film from this era that addresses issues of race and class that other films—including 10 Things—shied away from.

“There's definitely some parts that haven't aged as well, but on a recent rewatch, I was struck by how the movie [Bring It On] touched on sensitive issues that most mainstream movies try to actively avoid,” says Kauffman.

10 Things I Hate About You may have helped shape the modern definition of “girl power” and inspired movies like Bend It Like Beckham to depict alternative stereotypes of femininity, but it’s not perfect. The one major theme I find particularly problematic upon rewatching is the apparent lack of understanding about consent throughout the film. Kat and Bianca’s father Walter (Larry Miller) doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that sex tends to occur between two people choosing to participate. His fears are clearly distorted for comic effect, but his misguided worldview holds his daughters hostage (as Bianca points out) rather than holding their partners accountable.

This concept extends to the prom scene when Bianca’s BFF-turned-nemesis Chastity (Gabrielle Union) smugly informs Bianca that pretty boy villain Joey (Andrew Keegan) “was gonna nail you tonight,” as though Bianca wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. Then there’s the entire plot of the film’s inspiration: in The Taming of the Shrew, multiple men scheme and plot over who could obtain the most submissive, docile wife.

But the writers are adamant that the idea of “taming” doesn’t carry over to the film.

“I think at the end of the movie, you never get the sense that her character is going to be controlled by Patrick, in terms of Taming of The Shrew,” says McCullah. “Obviously, she’s not tamed and we don’t think Patrick is the type of guy who would want to control her. That’s why she likes him.” She goes on to call him an ally, or at least a prototype for one.

Seeing a privileged angry white girl like me grapple with trust, relationships, and finding herself inspired me to follow a more unconventional path in my own right. By the end of 1999, I had moved from Sugar Ray to crust punk, spiked my hair, and amassed a collection of ballpoint pen-decorated Chuck Taylors. I eventually dabbled in dating and going to art school, although I unfortunately never did start a band. But seeing someone chase her unorthodox dreams in a world designed to stifle misfits allowed me to dream outside the box in a way I'd never been shown before.

Compared to 2019, 1999 was a relative vacuum of women in media. “There were not a lot of female writing teams when we first started,” recalls Smith. “Now it seems like the appetite for female voices and female-fronted stories is ever-expanding."

Movies like Mad Max: Fury Road and Captain Marvel, with Brie Larson starring in Marvel’s first female-fronted superhero film, prove that we’ve come a long way with female representation. Both Smith and McCullah hope the trend continues, both in their future work, in the entertainment world at large, and with the resonating impact of 10 Things I Hate About You.

As McCullah says, “I hope it keeps inspiring young girls to be badasses and not let other people define them.”

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Twenty Years Later, '10 Things I Hate About You' Is More Relevant Than You'd Expect

For me and all the other mid-80s millennials, 1999 didn’t signal the end of an era. It was the start of our definitive teenage years, rich with all the compulsive hormone-driven drama that would ultimately shape us into the adults we went on to become.

1999 was the year I started high school; the year that I got what was, at the time, a state-of-the-art three-CD player on which I blasted TLC’s FanMail, Backstreet Boys’ Millennium, and Sugar Ray’s 14:59 on endless loop. It’s also the blessed year that 10 Things I Hate About You was released.

I’m guessing many adolescent girls—and boys, for that matter—at the time could relate to at least one of the characters in 10 Things I Hate About You. There was quippy sidekick Michael (David Krumholtz), doe-eyed and floppy-haired new kid Cameron (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), effortlessly and often infuriatingly twee Bianca (Larisa Oleynik), the tragically underrated Mandella (Susan May Pratt), and of course, the mewling, rampallian wretch herself, Kat (Julia Stiles).

Like Kat, I existed on the fringes of my fairly affluent, mostly white public school’s society, although my banishment was less self-inflicted than hers. Yes, I haunted bookstores in my spare time and plastered my room with torn-out pages from Bust Magazine and dELiA*s catalogs, but I was neither thin, blond, or a voluntary member of any sports team. I couldn’t understand how someone who could effortlessly bare an enviably toned midriff be so bold as to snub male attention, which was the only type of attention I craved as a swarthy 13 year old who had yet to be kissed.

But her defiance of conventional feminine attitudes captivated me. The idea that one could subscribe to their own ideals rather than conform to anyone else’s expectations was a completely new concept in a time when teenage self-discovery was only just taking root. I did give a damn ‘bout my reputation… but maybe I didn’t have to.

In 1999, Kat’s brand of feminism seemed pretty extreme. But looking back on it 20 years later, it’s surprising how mainstream certain aspects of it now come across.

“Every time I watch this movie Kat seems more and more relatable,” explains Sarah Barson, co-host of Bad Feminist Film Club, a podcast that reviews movies through a feminist lens. “At the time this movie came out, I think Kat was supposed to be a super ‘out there’ radical feminist, but the stuff she talks about feels very relevant to modern conversations about pop culture and a woman's right, or even responsibility, to speak up and challenge social norms.”

But according to 10 Things I Hate About You writers Karen McCullah and Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith, Kat may have ended up differently if written for today’s audience.

“I think Kat would have to have a more extreme form of rebellion,” says Smith. “We’d have to dig her even further into a counter-culture, because in that era, it was all pretty simple.”

Rather than merely dreaming of playing in a riot grrrl band, Smith says Kat would’ve already been shredding on her pearly white Stratocaster, playing her angsty songs at different gigs. Had 10 Things been written in 2019, McCullah sees a version of Kat that’s more in touch with the activism of today’s teens.

“Like, kind of the Parkland student vibe, I think. We would add a little bit more of that,” she says. ”I think those kids are amazing, what they’re accomplishing. When I think of teenagers right now, that’s where my brain goes first.”

Smith agrees. “That’s a good point, yeah. When we wrote it, we were kind of in a freewheeling 90s bubble, not really thinking about the larger world around us. Now, as Karen pointed out, the experience of the youth is much different. They’re much more global in their thinking than we were.”

10 Things I Hate About You has its share of shortcomings, although it’s held up better over time than other teen flicks of previous eras, like Sixteen Candles. I’m willing to bet that a fresh audience today wouldn’t laugh quite as hard when Kat flashes her soccer coach to help Patrick (Heath Ledger) sneak out of detention—even with his swoon-worthy dimples—or let it slide when Bianca drops the R-word during an argument with Kat. And let's not forget how “nice guy” Cameron manipulated the entire love triangle just so he could have a shot with the younger Stratford sister. Oof.

Even so, the characters' relationships with one another and even their personal shortcomings hold up relatively authentically in a way that few other movies have been able to accomplish.

“The Craft was the perfect movie for any woman who felt disenfranchised, and Never Been Kissed really did stress the importance of self-confidence and self-acceptance, but 10 Things I Hate About You was about real characters to whom average women could relate,” says Dr. Randall Clark, author of At a Theater Or Drive-In Near You: The History, Culture, and Politics of the American Exploitation Film and associate professor of Communication and Media Studies at Clayton State University.

Dr. Clark’s students have expressed surprise that Kat was open about her sexual experience and yet managed to escape some of the consequences that society tends to heap upon young women who have sex at what they consider to be a young age.

“It was just a fact of her life,” he says, giving credit to the movie for being “not at all judgmental about her past.”

The filmmakers’ non-superficial portrayal of an unapologetic and (one-time) sexually active feminist was a groundbreaking achievement at a time when few other feature films even dared to explore the complexities of teen girl relationships. In the 90s, and to some extent today, feminism is often mistakenly equated with man-hating, an idea that both writers resoundingly reject.

“Feminists need love too!” laughs Smith.

Earlier teen-centric comedies like 1995’s Clueless helped lay the groundwork for 10 Things by weaving together real-life scenarios with tongue-in-cheek banter that managed to entertain, but also illuminate some of the basic pillars of modern-day feminism. The fact that both are remakes of classics— Clueless being a contemporary version of Jane Austen’s Emma and 10 Things I Hate About You being a modern adaptation of William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew—that revolve around young women with BIG personalities makes perfect sense. Women finding their place in the world, and being tamed by men, is by no means a novel idea.

But one thing that many of these iconic films of the late 90s and early 2000s lack is a sense of intersectionality. Bad Feminist Film Club co-host Kelly Kauffman cites Bring It On as one example of film from this era that addresses issues of race and class that other films—including 10 Things—shied away from.

“There's definitely some parts that haven't aged as well, but on a recent rewatch, I was struck by how the movie [Bring It On] touched on sensitive issues that most mainstream movies try to actively avoid,” says Kauffman.

10 Things I Hate About You may have helped shape the modern definition of “girl power” and inspired movies like Bend It Like Beckham to depict alternative stereotypes of femininity, but it’s not perfect. The one major theme I find particularly problematic upon rewatching is the apparent lack of understanding about consent throughout the film. Kat and Bianca’s father Walter (Larry Miller) doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that sex tends to occur between two people choosing to participate. His fears are clearly distorted for comic effect, but his misguided worldview holds his daughters hostage (as Bianca points out) rather than holding their partners accountable.

This concept extends to the prom scene when Bianca’s BFF-turned-nemesis Chastity (Gabrielle Union) smugly informs Bianca that pretty boy villain Joey (Andrew Keegan) “was gonna nail you tonight,” as though Bianca wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. Then there’s the entire plot of the film’s inspiration: in The Taming of the Shrew, multiple men scheme and plot over who could obtain the most submissive, docile wife.

But the writers are adamant that the idea of “taming” doesn’t carry over to the film.

“I think at the end of the movie, you never get the sense that her character is going to be controlled by Patrick, in terms of Taming of The Shrew,” says McCullah. “Obviously, she’s not tamed and we don’t think Patrick is the type of guy who would want to control her. That’s why she likes him.” She goes on to call him an ally, or at least a prototype for one.

Seeing a privileged angry white girl like me grapple with trust, relationships, and finding herself inspired me to follow a more unconventional path in my own right. By the end of 1999, I had moved from Sugar Ray to crust punk, spiked my hair, and amassed a collection of ballpoint pen-decorated Chuck Taylors. I eventually dabbled in dating and going to art school, although I unfortunately never did start a band. But seeing someone chase her unorthodox dreams in a world designed to stifle misfits allowed me to dream outside the box in a way I'd never been shown before.

Compared to 2019, 1999 was a relative vacuum of women in media. “There were not a lot of female writing teams when we first started,” recalls Smith. “Now it seems like the appetite for female voices and female-fronted stories is ever-expanding."

Movies like Mad Max: Fury Road and Captain Marvel, with Brie Larson starring in Marvel’s first female-fronted superhero film, prove that we’ve come a long way with female representation. Both Smith and McCullah hope the trend continues, both in their future work, in the entertainment world at large, and with the resonating impact of 10 Things I Hate About You.

As McCullah says, “I hope it keeps inspiring young girls to be badasses and not let other people define them.”

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[cosmicretrospect-blog]

As You Are (2016)

Cast: Owen Campbell, Charlie Heaton and Amandla Stenberg 

Director: Miles Joris-Peyrafitte

Writers: Madison Harrison, Miles Joris-Peyrafitte

Synopsis: As You Are, a film set in the early 1990′s, follows the unique relationship of three unlikely individuals. The characters explain and recount the events that occured during the course of their seemingly endless friendship in the form of a police investigation. 

Review:

As You Are got its very familiar title from Nirvana’s hit, Come As You Are. This is because Nirvana was a huge influence to the main characters, Jack, Mark and Sarah. To further analyse the reasoning behind the title, As You Are screams “embrace yourself”. As the film touches on the themes of sexuality, friendship, love, domestic violence and rebellion, the title as you are is successful in letting the audience know that this film is about self discovery and self acceptance. 

The film starts off with an attention grabbing gunshot. With the ending shown at the beginning with no context, the sound of the gunshot instantly allows one to be curious as to what happened. 

Jack (Owen Campbell), an introverted, good willed teenager who lives with his supposedly lonely, single mother, Karen (Mary Stuart Masterson) is shown being interrogated. Jack explains that Karen, who seems a little too dependant on alcohol, starts dating Tom (Scott Cohen), previously a Marine, who also is a single parent to Mark (Charlie Heaton), a self abiding, grunge loving misfit. Upon meeting for the first time, Jack and Mark instantly click as they share a blunt.

With no clear sense of time, Karen and Tom’s relationship escalates enough for Karen to feel comfortable with Tom moving in, along with Mark. It is then that Jack and Mark’s friendship truly starts to blossom. As the boys go through each day as roomies and schoolmates, Jack finds himself under the influence of Mark’s rebellious behaviour. Along their nonconformist adventures, they meet a girl, Sarah (Amandla Stenberg), who saves them from being torn by a bunch of threatening teenagers. Since then, the three were inseparable, and Sarah, the gracious girl from a stable family, joined them in their ventures.

As the trio do what regular teenagers might do, like smoke pot, skip school and rebel, Tom’s true colours are shown through a series of outrage towards Mark with his uncontrollable anger. 

The development of the trio’s relationship is revealed through a series of interrogations with everyone but Mark - disclosing the fact that although we’re kept in the dark as to what actually happened, we know that Mark is no longer in the picture. 

In the events leading up to the final revelation, we see the trio fall in and out of love - with each other, and we see the progression of Tom’s anger which eventually led to the end of his relationship with Karen. Thus, causing Mark to move out of Jack’s room, which takes an emotional toll on them both. In this time, we see Mark struggle with his domestic issue as well as his own personal issues. We also get to see Jack’s sensitive nature as he suppresses his very obvious feelings toward Mark. As they play a game of push and pull, the boys drown themselves with any kind of intoxication that could get their hands on in the hopes of running away from reality. 

As You Are, which first premiered in Brazil in 2016 in the Sundance Film Festival, managed to snatch the Special Jury Award. Best known for his works on As You Are (2016), Mother’s Milk (in development), and Dreamland (2018), Miles Joris-Peyrafitte, 24, had this to say about the film. 

“I wanted to make a movie about these three people navigating and finding each other, and their love and that not really being defined,” he says. “The issues that those kids are going through are obviously issues that kids still go through now. That hasn't changed. But the way we cope with it I think has changed to a certain degree, with the Internet. With social media there's been this opening of communities to people who are feeling lost or feeling confused or feeling whatever. But at the same time the negative parts of that have also risen so it's kind of a balance. What I was interested in seeing was people sit down and talk and feel things and go through that. I think there's definitely a movie to be made about that with technology.” (The Standard)

As You Are is a must watch for every teenager out there, from all backgrounds. In my opinion, this film is relatable to every teenager out there, despite whatever they may be going through. It is as such because As You Are touches on so many themes and subjects which most teenagers go through at one point or another. 

The characters were built in a specific way which makes them all very relatable. As teenagers try to find themselves amongst the rest of society, it makes it difficult for some to accept who they really are. This idea is showcased throughout the film as the trio are all misfits with their own problems. The film showcases very realistic scenarios of the uncertainties one might have about themselves and the situations that they’ve been thrown into, and I think that we all have doubts about the kind of person we think we are.

The one thing that this film portrayed especially well was the feeling of confusion. As the characters go about their lives in a continuous loop of precariousness, we see the struggles that each character has to face as they try to figure out who they really are. This was well portrayed through the plot points and character development. As we see each character unfold, they get even more clueless as to what defines them as an individual. This is especially apparent in Jack and Mark’s character, not so much Sarah’s. With confusion without a solution comes the urge to try to escape reality. This idea was especially well portrayed through the character built and performance of Mark (Charlie Heaton). His character showcases what happens to a lot of teenagers - they go off the rails. Mark spends his days rebelling, being obnoxious and intoxicating himself to run away from the reality that is his father is a domestic abuser and that he may be gay. This to me perfectly reflects the behaviour of a teenager going through hardship that they don’t know how to deal with. Mark’s character shows what happens behind closed door and the consequences of it if not dealt with properly.

The topics touched on in As You Are are prevalent amongst teenagers and will continue to be for future generations to come. For a film to cover as many topics as it did so miraculously, it definitely deserves more recognition and appraisal. 

As You Are’s cinematography and wardrobe really transported me, as an audience into, Jack and Mark’s world. I would first like to address the longevity of each shot. Most of the scenes have shots that are held for a long time, and this to me is effective in letting the actor’s performance shine without interruptions. A single shot also can tell a story really quickly. Take for example, the scene where Jack and Mark are sent to school. Using a bird’s eye angle, Jack and Mark are seen getting out of the car and entering the school compound as the car drives away. As soon as the car is out of the frame, the duo run out of the school’s premise and do not return. So much was told in a single, static shot. With no interruptions and only within the span of a few seconds. There were no cut-aways to unnecessary dialogue. This was instead showed to the audience through a simple, single shot. 

As far as the casts’ wardrobes goes, I thought that each character’s wardrobe helped enhance their character. Clothing is used as a means of expression, but usually is influenced by their backgrounds. The character with the best wardrobe has got to be Sarah. They managed to express the kind of person she is through her clothing excellently. Sarah dresses somewhat prim and proper, but she always adds a grungy twist to her prim and proper clothing pieces. She is always seen fully covered with an outer-wear but she always has on a choker and plaid flannels or skirts. She is also often seen in darker, cooler colours. I think that her fashion choice complements her character well because Sarah comes from a well to-do family, which explains why her dressing is somewhat proper. However, it is shown that Sarah is not like the rest of her family, she is in fact, a misfit too who’s going through a rebellious phase, as is most teenagers her age. She’s still trying to figure herself out. Sarah’s outfits would give people who grew up in the 90′s a sense of nostalgia with its very accurate portrayal of 90′s fashion. The sense of nostalgia reaches even beyond the scope of what the characters are wearing but also through the set design. The set design really takes one back to a time and place of the past without being overly dramatic. 

One of the best aspects of the film was its cast. The cast had very good on screen chemistry and their relationship was very dynamic. I think that each of the actors fit their roles perfectly and they understood who their characters were. This can be seen really well in Owen Campbell’s performance. He truly captured the spirit of a shy and sensitive boy who goes down a path of self discovery, only to let his emotions get in the way of his actions. Owen Campbell gave one of the most authentic and stunning performances that I’ve seen in awhile from a young actor. 

As such, As You Are is a timeless film that everyone should watch for its core message and stigmatic themes will pull you into an unseen world of the struggles of an adolescent. It is an intelligently crafted film, that will be significant for many more future generations to come. This film is an important one, with aims of trying to raise awareness of common issues that teenagers are too afraid to speak up about. 

[expatwhisperer]

DECONSTRUCTING FRENCH MARRIAGE

IT SHOULDN'T BE A DETERRENT TO LOVE

"Courtship is romantic. Marriage ... is an act of will," said Pippa, taking a sip of water. "I mean, I adore Herb, but the marriage functions because we will it to. If you leave love to hold everything together, you can forget it. "  -- Rebecca Miller, the Private Lives of Pippa Lee

 As my husband and I cross the threshold of our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, I thought of the 50-50 odds that we might become an “uncoupled” statistic. Until 1990, nearly half the marriages in America did end in divorce, but, we beat the odds. According to the data, there’s a good chance we will remain married. Nearly 70% percent of marriages that began after the ‘90s in America reached their 15th anniversary, and many may never divorce. 

Yet half the couples I know do. They live in the same house, but effectively lead separate lives. Others stay together, but live in different houses or states (or countries). These are the marriages of convenience, for the kid’s sake; either until the kids are in college or a way to keep the employee benefits rolling. There are couples who divorce because of an infidelity. Then there are the rare breed of couples who manage to stay together in spite of it, especially in the United States. Overlooking the indiscretion is more common in other cultures like Italy, France, or Greece, who appear hardwired to ignore it.This is latter category intrigued me because those societies that tended to accept this behavior as part of the marital bargain, were unflustered by the American moral outrage. While we may not be above desire, we are unable to get past the deception. So I couldn’t help but wonder, why are those cultures less troubled by infidelity than others and why is infidelity a sin for Americans?

"The bonds of marriage so heavy it takes two to carry them, sometimes three."  -- Alexander Dumas

Infidelity is on my radar because I’m hooked on watching HBO’s dark soap, “The Affair.” I can indulge vicariously in the drama of an affair without the consequences. It’s a very American perspective of two people who have “cheated” on their spouses. Ruth, “the other woman” is wracked by the “guilt” of her past and the cad, Noah whom he has thrown his family overboard for. Season two unfurls this cautionary tale in the “aftermath” of their affair, strewn with the “wreckage” of their infidelities. The language of the narrative implies destruction and punishment. Our judgement is further beguiled by an innovative interplay two, sometimes four, different perspectives, but they are American. Viewers and creators alike condemn “the affair” because they’re sure they’re on the right side of morality. We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are, so that one man’s sin could be another man’s blessing.

Clues to decoding French attitudes concerning infidelity begin with self-awareness of American national culture. Not evident culture, such as language, food, and dress. If culture was that easy to identify, rest assured there would not be the current clash of civilizations. Evident culture is the tip of the iceberg. Unless you’ve spent a significant length of time abroad, it’s doubtful you can attest to culture’s consequences. The invisible hand of culture drives our behavior in ways you never imagined. By deconstructing the American mindset and comparing it to other cultures, we can steer safely around the unseen and more profound dimensions of hidden culture below the waterline, an avoid simplistic attribution to moral positioning.

For example, the French film “5-7,” (“cinq a sept” is the French expression for the time of day made for visiting lovers and has subsequently been adopted by other cultures as “happy hour”) infidelity is not only acceptable, it’s institutionalized. The Greeks take a pagan view that if the gods intended making love strictly for procreation, they’d have made people come in heat like the animals once a year.  

Human attraction may be too hard to comprehend, but by connecting seemingly unrelated dots about why people do what they do based on national culture offers an interesting explanation. Culture is the result of a series of historical events that have occurred in a certain place. The result is a set of values, attitudes, and perceptions that explain the world accordingly to a certain group of people. What’s important, especially for Americans who rarely expatriate to understand this point is, people do what they do not because they don’t know any better, it’s culture making that decision for them

It doesn’t matter that we are offended by French views about infidelity no matter how much self-righteous indignation our views. There’s no way to shame them into monogamy because they don’t share our puritanical legacy. Of course, every culture thinks it’s on the right side of an issue, but it’s worthwhile to note that Homer’s Odyssey was the Greek bible for 5,000 years and continues to informed their mindset.  

Cultures are dynamic, yet few of us know who are we or why, but the powerful lens of culture helps us understand why behavior like infidelity is or isn’t tolerated. While every culture shares common traits -- how they think and make decisions, how they process information, view time and communicate -- culture explains the differentiating approach. For example, Americans believe people should be INDEPENDENT with the FREE-WILL to decide and form their own opinions. The truth is, we think our opinions are purely our own, but in reality, it’s a decision that was already made for us.

Americans prefer rules over relationships, so crime shows bringing offender to justice appeals to our values. The same show might get lost in translation in Asian or Arab cultures where the witness would look the other way. Most people are born dependent and connected. Americans are the exception to this way of thinking, not the other way around. In their mind, it is as if they were related to the offender, so they cannot betray that relationship. They don’t believe they are complicit, they’re just not going to squeal if it means sending mom to jail. In fact, for the majority of the world’s cultures, not all of the rules apply to everyone all the time. It depends on the situation and context. This is why we have difficulty negotiating with Eastern cultures.  Nevertheless, Americans think they’re absolutely right when people from other cultures behave differently. We think they’re being deceptive but actually it’s our linear thinking and expectations that everyone should adhere to the rule of law.  

DIRECTNESS is one of the 6 major values of the American national mindset. We need transparency, even at the cost of divorce. We view seduction negatively because it’s an indirect behavior. We’re also uncomfortable with “veiled” cultures because we feel manipulated by it. What’s more, because cultural maturity takes time, America is an “adolescent” culture that’s experienced few significant cultural shifts compared to older one, but when cultures do change, powerful imprints alter our frame of reference and the change is passed on to the next generation.

What is the basis for our national values and just how much the world shares them is important message for Americans to learn because most of the world doesn’t. The rest of the world may like Hollywood movies, not because admire American culture so much as a car chase is easy to understand. It’s LOW CONTEXT. Americans miss signals because we don’t know how to look for them. Listening goes beyond words. The Japanese call it reading the air. What’s not being said is significant. So is body language. Voice tone. Timing. Message location. I think of the closeness and implicit understanding relationship I have with my husband; certain references, messages, and ideas are understood without words or explanation. We speak a matrimonial shorthand. Our shared meaning is the backstory. Similarly, this is how other cultures communicate. Imagine trying to do business with high-context communicators and it becomes clear we’ve got a lot to learn.   

To understand French acceptance of infidelity, we must begin with the American mind that’s entrenched in INDIVIDUALITY perfectly defined by Robert Day, “American’s have a hard time telling you specifically why this is a good thing; either because it’s something they haven’t thought about, or don’t think it’s worth going over.” Again, thanks to our history, this is a fundamental American value that stems from the early PIONEER and PROTESTANT settlers who were brave RISK-TAKERS; nomads who left everything and everyone they knew to live somewhere else. Having said that, like so much else that’s changing right now in real time, America’s rugged INDIVIDUALISM is becoming uncharacteristically risk-averse, abrogating personal responsibility which is being substituted by rampant litigiousness. Crybabies. He goes on to say “Although Americans may think of themselves as being more unique than they actually are, what’s significant is that they think they are.”

The unintended consequence of expressing personal opinions and feeling so special can feel self-indulgent to the outside world. For example, while Americans believe each person is unique and entitled to a personal opinion, they cannot fathom that other people outside America differ with it, regardless that they represent only five percent of the world’s population.”

"The French communication style is clinically direct and they see no advantage in ambiguity or ambivalence. The French language is a crisp, incisive tongue, a kind of verbal dance or gymnastics of the mouth, which presses home its points with an undisguised, logical urgency. It is rational, precise, ruthless in its clarity."  -- Richard Lewis

Which brings us to their tendency for ASSERTIVENESS, which compels Americans to tell you what they’re thinking. Consequently, these unsolicited opinions can sound self-righteous. However, in their mind, this behavior is not desirable but a deeply help truth based on their certainty and entitlement to the Manifest Destiny; not considering they didn’t come to that conclusion personally. In the end, they are astounded that not all cultures share their views, much less their moral position on infidelity.

While the French are nothing if not articulate, they might even say nothing at all about their feelings, leaving you to “read the air” because the way to disagree may be to say nothing at all. Such silence leaves Americans genuinely bewildered and while they don’t mean to be rude, this direct US communication style is often irreversible in the wrong company. Once you've let it out of the bottle, it’s hard to get it back. For many cultures, saving face is impossible to reverse, and may resort to an error of omission, an outright lie, change answers, or rearrange the question to suit the situation. This appears deceitful to Americans and intolerable. In most other regions of the world, including Asia, Europe, South America, and parts of Africa, this kind of answer is a necessary function of interactions and holds no moral underpinning. For them, the goal is harmony and the end justifies the means to achieve peace over justice.

Brandi Moore underscores this utterly foreign notion, “Nothing like it exists in America or to Americans who never lose face. Being embarrassed is not losing face. Embarrassment is about guilt, which contains a causal nature. Face is about shame and the ripple effect of one’s actions on the group, now and for the future.” Striving for harmony, or “big picture” thinking conflicts with our “bottom line” mentality. She goes on to say “Americans operate in a matchlessly DIRECT culture, where losing face is nearly impossible. The level of separation, homogeneity, and variety in America that focuses on the individual, eliminates the possibility, and therefore why we seem to be so opinionated to others.”

Therefore, something as innocuous as expressing an opinion about infidelity can be perceived by others as self-righteous and the American will not refrain from doing it or become being embarrassed; remember, honor is not at stake. Moore goes on to explain, “Their remarks are born of a direct communication manner that’s essential to the dissimilar nature of Americans. Because virtually everyone originated from somewhere else, no matter how far back, they must understand one another and they must communicate with the utmost explicitness. Meanings relay through a direct route of words, unlike other cultures, and to a lesser degree France, that can feel like an eternal kabuki dance before getting to the point.” She concludes, “Communication consists of shared meaning, encrypted signals, environment, or an elaborate contextual backstory that requires a lot of deciphering. Americans who are not in the habit of hearing these messages and become exasperated with their circuitousness because they haven’t learned how to “listen loudly.”

"You can, believing that you’re obeying French dining etiquette, say bon appétit at the start of a meal — but you shouldn’t because this isn’t correct it’s too direct a reference to the body, leaving little to the imagination, and thus less seductive. Or you can treat food as a task (are you still working on that?) — but you shouldn’t do that either."  -- Elaine Sciolino

Clear and clever language from people who never apologize. They are known for being unafraid to share their opinions and argue a position. You’ll find this is embedded in their national motto of Liberte, Fraternite, Egalite and also Edith Piaf’s lyrics that are a battle hymn testament to this sentiment, “Je ne regrette rien” means “I have no regrets” (about straying from the marriage). The message itself, however, may not be expressed directly in the words. Reading between the lines is often necessary to find the full message. The way a message is communicated may be determined by relationship, rank, status, and position. The way someone speaks, dresses and behaves also communicates who that person is. Sitting quietly and not participating may show lack of interest or commitment to the French, so sharing opinions, demonstrating a passionate, well-presented position will earn you their respect. Use of title is the norm until a relationship has developed. New acquaintances address each other with “vous” until it is agreed that they will switch to the familiar “tu.” This is relaxing with Millennials but it’s still pervasive in traditional business or government settings.

"In Paris, women and men are supposed to please each other on the street, and never go out in public without looking impeccably put together. You can dress as you like, but you shouldn’t neglect your appearance; a reflection of the Gallic approach to virtually all area of life in which seduction is so pervasive."  -- Elaine Sciolino

When it comes to American INFORMALITY, our kids seem authorized to treat elders as equals. As adults, bosses are handled the same level as subordinates without much distinction. This kind of cultural tendency is famously depicted by Hollywood in the “California minute” in which two complete strangers can meet for the first time and yet immediately reveal intimate personal details without regard. Again, Americans hold no recourse in stating opinions publicly as mentioned before because as Moore concludes, “honor is not at stake. Everything must be said, and (it’s presumed) everyone is open to hearing it.”

Lewis points to the French education system, “From childhood, places a premium on articulateness and eloquence of expression. Unlike Japanese, Finnish or British children, French children are rarely discouraged from being talkative. In the French culture, loquacity is equated with intelligence and silence does not have a particularly golden sheen. Lycée, university and École normale supérieure education reinforces the emphasis on good speaking, purity of grammar and mastery of the French idiom.” The French language, unquestionably, is the chief weapon wielded by authority and less articulate French show no resentment. Masterful use of language and logic implies, in their understanding, masterful power.

"Americans don’t have sex, they have problems. "  -- Marlene Dietrich

While both the French and the Americans share the space of DIRECTNESS, it’s express differently. Americans are perplexed when they’re labeled rude and inappropriate, but they would be genuinely surprised to learn that eighty-five percent of the world views the American values of INDIVIDUALITY and ASSERTIVENESS not without reservation. To put their opinion of infidelity in sharp focus, the English Broadway actor, Allen Cummings aptly remarked, “America was established by Puritans who left England because it wasn't puritanical enough.” Yet, they hold these beliefs because they are “self-evident” or because they choose them, when in fact they were chosen for them by history.

If the underpinnings of the French communication style is of the mind and they revere history and AUTHORITY, the American mind has an honest aversion to it. With a past rooted the in both the PIONEER and ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM that prevents Americans from exploring profound concepts deeply, this may well be their tragic flaw; tainting the entire American education system. It seems as though American history categorically precludes itself from producing many more great thinkers, philosophers, or theorists given a COWBOY QUICK sense of urgency, pragmatism and self-reliance to survive. Diane Johnson observed this and an increasing “religious fervor comes and goes like seasonal flu, and each time leaves it weakened for the next attack.”

"Culture hides more than it reveals and strangely enough, what it hides, is most effectively hidden from its owners; not unlike the American attitude about infidelity. "  -- Edward Hall

While they prize the fine Cartesian mind: “I think, therefore I am,” PROCESS counts enormously. The revealing, enjoying, ritualizing, codifying, and tantalizing pursuit about the idea of an affair counts more than the affair. For Americans to characterize France as an immoral culture is the result of their unconscious PURITAN legacy the French were untouched by. A culture of taking mistresses was inherited by the French kings, beginning with Henry II during the Middle Ages, serving a practical purpose. It unambiguously established a kind of psychological national security with a demonstrable virility, signifying longevity and preservation of the throne through succession according to French historians. France created a culture of love by his wife, Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine single handedly. Marriage had little to do with love and sex was vulgar. The rules of love codified by Andreas Capellanus, were idealized in poetry during the Crusades, enacted by Chivalrous knights, who declared Courtly love only to a married woman.

"You can remain faithful to your husband instead of taking a lover — but you shouldn’t. After all, you have your foundation as a couple, a history, and a marriage. You’ve built something you can be proud of, and this tiny romance in Paris is not going to disrupt it."  -- Inès de la Fressange

While they make a good case for taking a lover by elevating the behavior through poetic words, razor sharp intellect, and codifying love, not even the French have a vaccine to prevent the pain of infidelity, but the rules of love mitigate the possibility of exposure. Central to that is discretion and never to confess: “Rule #13. Public revelation of love is deadly to love in most instances.” Ines De La Fressange observed, “After all, why forsake the natural and inevitable pleasures of the long seductive run up to the affair, simply for the cause of loyalty?” Despite the long and winding history and process of these centuries old French attitudes about love, not even they are inured to the consequences. The real reason for the rules are to preserve the FAMILY because family preserves the order of society. The rules keep the HARMONY. Parents stay together; children are spared emotional trauma; property stays in the family; and voila, financial security is retained. In stark contrast, while Americans can’t tolerate dishonesty, we’d be just as inclined to take on a lover, but it seems the French handle it more pragmatically because does the American disclosure-confession solution really solve anything with the destruction of the family? The rules of love established the thought of a great epoch and explain this much-maligned propensity for adultery. They are French to the core; didactic, mocking, and lighthearted, preserving the attitudes and practices of a medieval tradition about love’s alternatives.

"Divorce rates are about the same and there's the same amount of infidelity going on, and French spouses get as angry as American ones. The difference is that Americans carry the weight of a puritanical legacy that France does not."  -- Author Diane Johnson of the L’Affaire, Le Mariage, and Le Divorce

These attitudes persist through the 19th century, when love, marriage and infidelity are treated lightly in the popular comic "boulevard theaters". The plots were centered on a love triangle--a husband and wife and a lover who hides in beds and cupboards or jumps out of windows to avoid being discovered. For over the last hundred years, the cocu (cuckold) has been a source and symbol of amusement, characterizing adultery as less tragic and more of a laughing matter, explaining, at least in part, why their attitude seems blasé.

In 2001, Lynn Smith wrote in the Los Angeles Times that Americans won’t admit the nature of lust, forgive it, and create a separate compartment for it that doesn't affect our feeling for somebody. The French resembles the Dutch, who prefer transparency when it comes to pot and prostitution because they know people do it, so it might as well be regulated to minimize health risks. She goes on to say, “We insist our natural impulses must be managed and contained for the sake of the family or because adultery is a sin and violates marital vows. In reality, French and American couples behave about the same and they both want the same thing: to preserve the family. It’s just that we go about it differently.”

 Sources:

Taylor, S. (2012). CultureShock! France a survival guide to customs and etiquette (9th ed.). Singapore: Marshall Cavendish Editions.

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Surveys

http://www.pewglobal.org/2014/04/15/global-morality/table/divorce/

http://www.pewglobal.org/2014/01/14/extramarital-affairs-topline/