#the fact that art was made and i made someone feel better is wonderful

[chocochiffonnn]

I Like Me Better

➸ Pairing: Cook! Park Jongseong x Teacher! Reader

➸ Word Count: 3.2k

➸ Synopsis: In which you discover the wonders of New York, only to bump into a stranger who turns your trip around— in the best way possible, of course.

➸ Warnings: FLUFF! Lots of shameless flirting, reader trusts strangers (don't do that kids!), inaccurate depiction of NYC (never been there), Jay is a flirt, Jay is such a bf material.

➸ Author's Note: just another short fic release before i continue with my long ones guys! otw to getting out of this writer's block lol.

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TO BE YOUNG AND IN LOVE IN NEW YORK CITY— Times Square. Tall and bright buildings. Lively crowds. The city that never sleeps. The city that tinges in the back of your mind when asked of your dream destination.

And walking along the pavement, shouldering what used to be a silly little dream into a reality— felt strangely odd.

A ticket in hand for the latest Aladdin musical, you made your way towards the New Amsterdam Theater. As the city meets the faint glow of the sun dissipating, you felt your heart coil. At this. At everything.

Your footsteps were careless, a bit jumpy so. Careless and rather unmindful of those around. Excited to get to the destination. Hung up on adrenaline. And when your chest bumps into a rather stiff, broad back, only then do you halt with a huff.

This one was tall. Wore a leather jacket, yet it hardly hid his rather lean build. He turns around.

Sharp jawline, lips that fell like a cupid’s bow, a pointed nose, and intense eyes that complimented his features. He definitely felt like a foreigner— handsome, that much was a fact.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He gives you a rather friendly smile.

“It’s fine.”

He nods.

Then walks off.

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The theater was beyond elegance.

Art Noveaue style, embroidered with motifs in hues of gold, a testament of elegance and grace. You stood in the middle of the crowding theater, Aladdin ticket in hand.

Mezzanine, Row A, first balcony. The best value your adult money could reach. Affordable? Not really. Worth the experience? You’ve yet to see.

An usher guides you along the seats, gladly assisting. You sat down, seats were plush and comfortable, perfect for the three hour show that was to unfold. The theater quickly crowded, with people of different status and age coming along, giddy to see the performance at hand.

Then, a subtle shift.

Soft yet noticeable.

The sound of someone sitting down beside you, shuffling just slightly. You spared a glance, cringing as you did so. You wish you hadn’t. You really did.

It was the man you bumped into minutes prior.

Sharp jawline, steel gaze, lips like a cupid’s bow, and that pointed nose that could cut. It was definitely him. Without so much as a word, it seemed he too, felt the gaze piercing upon him as he twisted his head to the side and his eyes came to contact with yours.

The silence bore for a few seconds.

Lips twitched.

Yours of surprise, his of amusement.

And without so much as a word, he spared a nod, looked ahead, and let himself grow comfortable in his chair.

You swore— never in your life had you seen someone so physically attractive and captivating.

But then again, New York was the city of dreams. Too many pretty boys, too many pretty girls. A simple fact that had you unconvinced because he— he was definitely different.

The seats filled on, despire the theater being crowded with small conversations, the silence was deafening, and at some point, your mouth had a mind of its own as it spoke,

“I’m sorry for bumping into you earlier.”

Though, you looked straight ahead as if you weren’t bothered.

A soft chuckle came from the man. “Don’t worry about it. You’re a little clumsy.”

The assumption should feel offensive— it really should. Judging someone’s characteristic based on that single interaction alone was a rough move, but somehow, it didn’t feel that way. Rather, it felt warm. Like it carried no belittling, just pure amusement and tease.

You rolled your eyes, speaking, “that’s a rude thing to say to someone when you don’t even know them.”

“Then I’m Park Jongseong. Jay for short, you?”

Oh.

So that’s what it was.

You grinned, “you’re pretty slick with me. [Reader’s Name].”

You could almost feel the smirk radiating off the man’s face. “Y/N… Pretty name.”

This time, you turned to look at him, only to see that he had you beat at that game. The theater was cold, unbelievably cold, yet, you felt yourself melt at the touch of his gaze alone. “You’re very good with flirting, Jay.” you say, matter-of-factly.

With a face like him, and a voice as smooth as honey, it was no wonder he used it to his advantage. “So they say, it comes off naturally.”

At his joke, you laughed, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms. “You can try but it won’t work on me.”

But perhaps, it did had you perked and intrigued… Just a little bit.

The show eventually begins, the soft faint glow of the lights shifting into that of pure darkness. And then in the blink of an eye— you had yourself wrapped in the fantasy of a musical in the city of your dreams.

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The three hour mark was surprisingly short.

Short as in, it had passed by sooner than you expected. Perhaps so, given that you glanced at Jay every once in a while and so does he. Perhaps so when you make small talk over something at the scene. Perhaps so when he makes a funny joke and you laughed to your heart’s content at the silly antics.

And when the musical ended and you find yourself at the edge of the large entrance.

Jay was beside you, hands stuffed in his leather jacket as he talked about the musical and everything that was on his mind. “If you think about it, wishing is scary. There’s a consequence for every action. Aladdin really had to learn that the hard way.”

You nod along.

“And— hey, you okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, just a bit occupied.”

Jay tilts his head, “why? The musical’s too good?”

You laugh with a nod. “Had me thinking of wishes, you know?”

The way Jay’s ears perked let you know he was intrigued. From the few hours you’ve sat with him, you found him to be a person who enjoyed listening. He was one who sought the speaking, rather than the absence.

“The wishes? Why so?”

“I’m just thinking that if ever I was given that chance, what would I spend those three wishes on without paying the consequence too much?”

“Without paying the consequences too much? That’s a bit of a stretch, I think.”

The city lights of New York City hadn’t dissipated, only glowed more beneath the dark moon. And when you walked along, and Jay followed— not parted, you found yourself blabbering more than necessary.

“Yeah, but it’d be nice to dream a little. Maybe, I’d wish for like a nice mansion, or a brand new car. Something like that.”

Jay takes a moment to ponder over your words. The silence had you filling it in, a bit too scared you were letting him in your clouded thoughts too early, “I mean, not that it matters or anything—”

“No, no. I get what you mean. If I had that chance, I’d wish for the impossible though.”

“… Really? What would you wish for?”

Jay spares a glance, grins, squeezing himself into his jacket just a little more. His mouth showed that little gummy smile which you found endearing.

“For time to stop maybe? Sometimes it just goes too fast, you know. And… It’s nice. The quiet and the peaceful, wish I could have that for a little while.”

“The quiet and the peaceful?” you chuckle, “in a city like New York? That’s a bit ironic.”

“It is but—” Jay takes his hands out his jacket, shrugging, “the busy streets don’t really get to me.”

The sky rumbles, following a sudden jolt of something bright. And before you could fathom much, droplets of rain rest on your shoulder, and soon enough, the heavy rain fell.

Jay laughs as you groan, feeling your jacket soak up the water. “It’s raining.” he says matter-of-factly, looking at you with that very same grin. You frown, “great.��

The hustle and bustle of the city intensified, people scramming through their feet, bringing out their umbrellas, running around. You forgot yours over at the hotel you stayed at, and it seemed Jay was not to the type to even bring one.

Though the efforts were vain, he somehow had you covered, his hand above yours as he attempted to shield you from the rain. The sudden contact made you jolt, his shoulders bumping against yours just a tiny bit.

He smelled good.

“Let’s run?” He offers with a nod. You follow along, letting him lead the way. Letting his hand shift from your hesd to your forearm, then your hand. Letting his soft, warm, large hands engulf yours as the adrenaline hit you like a truck.

Eventually, the two of you reached the cover of a tall building, the dim lights above sparking between the two of you.

Jay keeps his distance, though a finger away from your shoulder. But he doesn’t let go of your hand, neither does he attempt to sugarcoat the whole thing.

He merely shakes his head in an effort to remove the water from his hair, while your heart was simply too busy doing somersaults on both his hand on yours and his presence alone.

And then, the grip only tightens.

You realize— Jay must have realized by now, yet he doesn’t care.

“The rain got us there.” he even quips, dusting his now heavy jacket.

“Y-yeah. That’s unexpected…”

“You said it’s your first time here in New York, right?”

He faced you, you nod.

Jay sort of seemed flustered, rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand. “I run a small restaurant with Japanese food just a couple of blocks away. If you don’t mind, I’ll treat you.”

“Oh.” you say flatly.

“… W-what?”

“Wow.”

A little grin creeps upon your features. Out of all the things you expected this tall and handsome man to be— a model, idol, singer, artist. You never expected him to be a business owner. Much more, a restaurant at that.

“You cook? And you run a business?”

Jay squints, “does that seem unbelievable? Am I being judged right now?”

You chuckle, slapping your free hand over your mouth. You could’ve used the one he was holding, though.

“Sorry, that was disrespectful. I kind of like— expected you to be a model or something.”

“That’s quite flattering.”

“Well… I don’t mind taking on the offer. The prices of food here are insane.”

Jay chuckles, agreeing to what you’d said, “even more with ingredients. It’s the price you pay for living in such a city. Oh! Sorry— your hand.”

He abruptly releases his hand from yours, raising both as if he’d been caught red-handed. “I didn’t realize I— yeah. I didn’t realize I did that. Sorry. Um. Well–”

You laugh, “it’s alright Jay. You’re kind of blushing.”

Jay frowns. “Am not.”

”You totally are! You get flustered easily don’t you?” you press on, pointing towards his slightly red cheeks. It was probably because of the fact that the two of you ran, but your teasing did have the process speeding up a little. Now, even his ears were red.

You honestly don’t know if Jay was good at flirting or bad at it.

Maybe a mix of both?

“Ugh. Whatever, my restaurant’s down that way, let’s go?”

Nodding, you follow Jay’s footsteps which paced a little slower. The sudden pour had come to a halt. The city had gone a bit calmer once more.

True to his words, the restaurant he owned was near. Though closed, the small shop had preserved bits and pieces of Japanese culture, embedding the design of the store all throughout. Jay grabs his keys and goes inside, ushering you to come along.

“I hope you don’t mind, it’s relatively small.”

You shook your head, “no, it’s actually so cool— I mean what I said earlier. Wow.”

He leads you to one of the seats near the cook’s place. “I’ll be getting a live show tonight, I assume?” you quip, Jay laughs, nodding along. “Make yourself comfortable.”

So you do. You sat, slouched a little more, opened your legs a little more, talked a little more.

Perhaps trusting a stranger in such a city as a foreigner wasn’t the move, but hey, at least you’re getting free dinner?

“Do you eat Japanese food?” Jay asks, going to the corner to put on an apron. “Are you kidding me? I love Japanese food.”

He laughed. “I’m glad. It’s okay if I surprise you a little with the food, yeah?”

“Yeah, as long as there’s no poison.

“Not even just a little?”

“No.”

You deadpanned, staring at Jay as he reciprocates the action. For ten seconds or so, neither of you moved. Then, you both erupted into fits of laughter. “You’re funny, I like you.”

“So are you, and wha—”

“I started this place when I was nineteen.”

The shift in conversation was something Jay was apparently good at. Your eyes traced over to his ears, which were turning a subtle shade of red. You couldn’t help but giggle internally. “Oh? How old are you now?”

“Twenty-three. My family often migrated from the states to Japan so I got a lot of the culture from either sides.”

It seemed he already had most of the ingredients at hand, swiftly moving through the little kitchen with his apron tied around his neck and waist. Kind of adorable.

“Who helps you manage this place?” you ask him out of curiosity.

“I have a few friends who’ve dedicated to let this place grow with me, but most of it comes from my own pockets and ideas.”

“So not only can you cook, but you’re also rich? What can’t you do?”

Jay laughs at the apparent compliment. “Sugarcoating. I’m kind of straightforward.”

“Your response felt very programmed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have people asked you that question before? It’s like you know what to answer.”

Jay seemed a little shocked, perhaps at the fact that you seemed to hit the bullseye with your statement. Well, running a business provided not only talent, but also some sort of money to make the vision come to life. And with the way Jay dressed, acted, spoke, it was safe to say he maybe the eye candy of some.

“Just a few. I’m surprised, you’re good at reading people.” Jay spoke.

“I’m good at analyzing them.”

“Hmm. Same thing.” He shrugs. The silence ensues for a while, the two of you falling into a rhythm that was comfortable yet tranquil. The sounds of the pot, his cooking, the chopping were all you heard. And while you admired a little too much, Jay was all the more concentrated, furrowing his brows and frowning a little to keep his focused.

He hands you a small little bowl of soup, “it’s Wanko Soba. Have it first so your stomach warms up.”

You grin a little, reaching for the soup and a pair of utensils, thanking him as you did so. “Usually, that’s like an all you can eat soup in Japan. You can have it as a little appetizer.”

The warmth in your stomach was replaced with more warmth. The hot broth of the soup cascading down your throat with its flavor. “That’s good.” you compliment. Jay smiles. “Yeah?”

Twenty minutes pass, the time flew by like wind. It was easy to forget at this point, you were too engrossed in the way he moves so profesionally. Makes you wonder if he’s ever had this training before or he’s always had it. You were good at keeping people in check, and Jay’s line of work, through each strain of his fingertips around every food— you realized that he really enjoyed and found passion in doing this.

Eventually, he sets you a plate of dishes that were too much to be recognized as merely on the house. Meals you know you won’t be able to finish on your own. Sushi, Sunomono, Donburi, Tofu— and a couple of other dishes.

“Sorry for the wait, eat up.” Jay say, removing his apron. “Wow. You made a lot.”

“Don’t know how much of an appetite you’ve got, had a bit of everything.”

You smile gently, “let’s eat together?”

“Nope. It’s all yours.”

“Jay.”

“What?”

Laughing, you lightly shoved him, “I can’t finish this all! You have to help me!”

“Alright, alright.”

Jay sat beside you, the careful rhythm between the two of you ensued once more. Eating had never felt more— lovely and fun with him around. Jay kept you entertained with questions and things about him, while you do the same, the conversation flowing into something easy and smooth.

Jay thought you had a wonderful smile. And a wonderful heart to match it.

“I’m an elementary teacher back in my hometown, so I can read children like an open book.” you say to him as you take a bite.

Jay’s mouth formed into an ‘o’. “That explains why.”

“Explains what exactly?”

“Your responses.”

“Why? Is it mean?”

Jay smiles, his eyes crinkled a bit as he did so. “No, I find it amusing actually.”

You snorted. “Dealing with screaming children all day has its perks.”

He tipped his head to the side and laughed. The food was finished, you offered Jay to clean up, however, he insisted that you do nothing at all and just watch him.

“I’m the one who invited you over after all.”

“Do you usually invite people over like this and give them free food?”

Jay, with his back turned to you as the water ran, spoke, “hmm, no. I suppose I took an interest in you.

“Took an interest in me? Why?”

“It’s kind of nice to see someone in New York look at the city like it was some sort of ornament. It’s kind of cute.”

“Jay— you’re unbelievable.” you giggled. Jay turned around. “What? Why?”

“You’ve been calling me cute an unimaginable amount of times today. You’re totally hitting on me.”

“Hey, I’m trying to make it obvious here.”

He dried his hands, turning around and nearing you. From across the table, he sets one hand on corner, the other on his hip. You can’t help but roll your eyes at his little antics. Effective.

“Just kidding.”

“Whatever.”

It didn’t take long before the two of you found an interest in going for a little walk, downing the delicious food. Your stomach felt like it was about to explode.

It was past 9PM, unbeknownst to either of you. Time just seemed to wither by. But then again, New York never sleeps. And regardless of whatever time you go out, the hustling and bustling never ceased, the lights never dulled their sparkle, and the books never came to a close.

So when Park Jongseong offered you a walk to the taxi station, you didn’t decline.

Simply because you wanted to enjoy the night a little bit more.

“It gets chilly this time of the month.” you mumble against your breath, walking along the concrete pavement. Your nose felt a little itchy from the chill. Jay laughs, “it does, yeah?”

Jay keeps his eyes along the road, pursing his lips into a thin line. It seemed there was something weighing on his mind.

“Something on your mind?”

“Hm? Oh— well, not much. Just…” He rubbed the back of his neck, halting his footsteps.

You already reached your stop.

Jay looked around a bit, for a bus, a vehicle. Then, he sighed. ”How long are you staying in New York?”

You tilt your head to the side, responding, “I have three more days. Why?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to accompany you? I mean, there’s lots to see here… You know— The Empire State, Statue of Liberty, Central Park.” He sighed, “my point is, I tour my friends often here and I’d like to join you if that’s okay? If not, it’s okay! Don’t feel pressured, I just want to—”

You laughed.

Not of mockery, but in amusement and pure endearment.

Never in a million years would you ever imagine a hot guy touring you around New York. The man of your dreams— the city, rather.

But well, Jay’s intention was pure and too good to resist. He knew his way around after years of navigating the busy streets, from the smallest spots, to the famous and even the infamous ones.

So you smile and nodded, stuffing your hand further into your pockets. The chill in your body was replaced with something like warmth.

“I’d love that Jay.”

Jay’s eyes sparkled like a lost little puppy, “really?”

“Mmh. Tour me around New York city, you better know your way around.” you quipped, Jay chuckled. “I won’t disappoint.”

The taxi arrived, honking your attention away from him.

You looked at it briefly, then at Jay.

“Bye, I guess?” you waved.

“Bye.”

Jay waved back.

The air lingered with something like hesitance, neither of you making a move for a few seconds. It wasn’t heavy, it was just… There.

“Thank you for today, Jay. I really appreciated it.”

“No problem, anytime.”

You nodded, opting to ignore that hesitation and opening the taxi door to make your way in. From your peripheral vision, Park Jongseong’s cheeks flushed a little. Perhaps from the cold, or perhaps from something else.

But you disregarded the moment for now.

You sat inside of the taxi, kept your gaze ahead, never looked back.

You had plenty of time to figure what his gaze meant for you had tomorrow and the day after with him.

As for your beating heart?

Unbeknownst to you, you’ll figure it out that night in the warm sheets of your blanket, and unfold everything that happened to you today.

And you’d mimic New York— the city that never slept.

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ END *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

[madamechrissy]

Just Friends!?

-Art in the banner from nek0zuu_ on X-

Pairings- Former Nerd! Gojo and popular F! reader

Summary - Satoru Gojo was the biggest nerd EVER in high school with you, next door neighbors, study buddies, you were the best friends in the world. Never having the courage to ask you -the 'popular girl' out- you never knew he felt for you. He ended up leaving town, moving to the big city of LA- getting famous with a modeling career, and lost touch with everyone from his old life. While you're working the family pub to help out your parents, years later, he finally comes back to visit, just to have you making his drink. Everything about him is different, aside from those pretty blue eyes and the sweet grin. You feel he's so accomplished now, and you're just a small town girl, but little do you know, you've never left his mind.

Warnings - Will be explicit and smutty (it's me!?) Nerdjo turned famous and cocky, but he's still just a Nerdjo deep down hehe- sexual tension, lots of angst tbh, Gojo finding himself again, but being an ass of a man. Reader has a hard situation (dad has an illness) but nothing too rough! SO MANY feelings, repressed things, pining, longing, say Hi to Nerdjo AGAIN- longer chap this time! (This is a mini series, so expect two more parts maybe hree it's me lol)

Based on the 2005 Rom com Just Friends - part of my amazingg moot @indiewritesxoxo's Friday night flicks! 🌙

<<<Part Two - Masterlist - Part Four>>

Part Three

“Why do I need to do an interview!? And where are you going!” Samantha demands the next morning, pouting as he is about to drop her off with an ‘interviewer’ aka Satoru paid someone to keep her busy so he can meet you.

He wasn’t with Samantha, but she was psychotically obsessed, the few times he’d let her fuck him had been truly terrifying, she’d licked his entire face last time so he’s firmly avoided her. As pretty as she is, psycho is psycho, and it wasn’t even the kind that made her better in bed, it was the kind where you wondered if you’d make it through the night.

He already set it up with an old acquaintance who just happened to be a fan of hers anyway, now they’re setting up for her and she’s refusing to budge, instead reaching up to grab him around the neck, pouting full lips at him. “Satoru, why do you have to go!?”

“Family things, I know, I know I will miss you too.” He pouts all cute,  and she finally sighs, dejectedly letting him leave, Satoru runs out in the cold, hurrying to his still warm little car, beginning to drive the way to your place.

How could he forget it, the endless afternoons once you all had gotten home from school, the way you’d run up your stairs and watch the cartoons that came out - Digimon was his favorite, Sailor Moon was yours. In fact your room had been covered with Sailor moon merchandise, he wonders if it still is. He wonders so much about your life.

The heat warms him as he drives through distant but familiar roads, he had ridden them on his bike so, so many times, quiet streets in a town that hasn’t grown very much. He certainly sees new places and a few more cars than before, but compared to LA it was the middle of nowhere. Winding streets, until he pulls up to your parents’ home.

The nostalgia hits when he steps out of his car, leaving it running so it would be warm enough for you, slowly walking up through the snow crunched grass to your wide front porch. Your house hasn’t changed a bit, the same old brick style, smaller than his but still beautiful in its vintage way, unchanged even amongst the newer styles of homes built.

He knocks hesitantly on the burgundy door, faded paint with time, how many times had he done just this? Being a little kid, being a teen and almost an adult, he’s not sure he really was an adult at eighteen really. Satoru pauses and smirks when you open the door, then falters as he sees your mom, who instead of warmly welcoming him like he expects, pauses just a bit.

“Hey there, been a long time.” He greets her, and she smiles then, sighing and opening the door wider.

“It has been too long, Satoru.” You smile gently at your mom, she remembers even years later the heartbreak of losing him, god no breakup could compare to losing your best friend that night. But you also know she loved him like one of her own, just like Satoru’s mom with you.

“I’m gonna grab some gloves and a hat real quick.” You are so pretty he thinks, in this red sweater and what looks like soft to the touch black pants, boots up to your calves, a jean jacket that looks just like the one he remembers you wearing all the time, and your face is bare aside from a little lip gloss, tempting him to no end.

You’re effortlessly beautiful, but then, you’ve always been.

Satoru feels himself flustered, only you do this, unable to answer you more than a nod. You smile a bit, nervously, running to put on your hat and gloves, listening to your mom as she hugs Satoru tightly. He’s in a dress shirt worth more than your car likely, a black overcoat that could have been pulled from a runway. You suddenly feel hopelessly underdressed, but try to shake it off.

“You’re visiting home?” Your mom asks, and Satoru clears his throat, stepping back and rubbing the back of his neck.

“I had a show here, but I figured I’d try to catch up with her a bit. I saw her at the family bar, still running that huh?”

“We are, she’s been a big help for us.” You smile at your mother’s sweet words, you never expected to move back home, even if it’s temporary, but to know you’re helping them too is a huge relief. “We aren’t even paying her to work at the bar, she gets tips of course but… even those she helps with bills which we need, since her dad is still recovering.”

Satoru pauses now, looking at you, seeing the emotion hit your face. “He’s sick, what’s wrong?”

“He had um…” You trail off, and your mom blinks a bit. “We can talk about it on the way, you must be so cold.”

“Yeah, I’m not used to this weather, the car is warm though.” You kiss your mom’s cheek, and follow Satoru out to the fancy sports car, so out of place in the working town you live in. He opens your door, surprising you for a moment, and you murmur a thank you, sliding in now.

Warm and cozy, you try to rest your insanely beating heart, it was just coffee with an old friend, it wasn’t more, you can’t sit there and think suddenly you’ll both be close again. You don’t even know who Satoru is, he feels so foreign to you, sliding in and grinning at you now, so handsome with his straight white teeth, for a moment you remember the colored rectangles that used to align them fondly.

“You look really great, I feel a little underdressed.” Your words should stroke his ego, but he blinks a bit, frowning.

“What, you look hot.” You’re flushed now, looking down nervously.

“You’re just really dressed up.”

“I am everywhere, though baby, gotta maintain a good image.” He’s leaned back, arm over your back seat as he looks back to pull out of your driveway, putting the two of you impossibly close in the little confines of the car.

“Well you definitely dress well. Where is that … your girl?”

“She’s not my girl.” He rolls his eyes as he then reaches for his dark shades, throwing them on to drive through the blinding snow.

“She seems great.” He bursts into laughter then, it’s so warming for a moment you feel transfixed, until it eases and he sighs a bit.

“She’s horrible. Beautiful yeah but jesus that girl. Many screws loose.”

“Yeah she seemed interesting.”

“I hooked up with her yeah but-” He pauses now, you’re just fiddling with your sweater nervously. “Anyway, let’s not talk about her.”

“What do you wanna talk about?”

“Your dad, what’s up with that? He got the flu or something?” Satoru turns on the blinker as the two of you stop at the light, and you take a hesitant breath.

“He had cancer.”

Satoru’s heart sinks, hearing the sadness in your voice, even as you cover it up, clearing your throat, and his gaze goes to you, eyes wide. “What!? He’s so young and healthy?”

“He hasn’t been healthy, he got sick after you left. Um, your mom knew, she came over a lot, I thought you’d… know?” Satoru hadn’t asked a word about you, and any time his mom brought you or anything up, he brushed her off. “You didn’t know?”

“If I knew, I’d have…” What would he have done?

It’s quiet as the green light goes, and the snow gently dusts the windshield, as you realize he likely didn’t know. Why did you assume that perhaps Satoru would have kept tabs like you did, that’s just foolish. But you figured as close as you two were, you certainly thought somewhere he wondered, but as you see the shock on his face, it settles a bit.

The truth.

He never even asked about you.

You feel horrible when Satoru was picked on, but you tried everything to make sure it was not that way. You thought he knew how special he was to you, but now it starts sinking in, he truly did leave it all behind. You’re not sure how that feels, you aren’t so conceited that you thought he still - well, ever - felt what he wrote in your yearbook, but you assumed he cared.

“Shit is he going to be okay?” Zoned out for a moment, you’re brought back to the present.

“He is, he’s cancer free officially. But he’s still weak, the chemo…”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He puts a hand on your thigh then, eyes falling to yours when you all slow down on the road. “I’m glad he’s gonna be okay.”

“Thank you, Satoru, so am I.” You gently touch his hand with your own, both gloved, but it feels good and comforting, it feels like something you’ve missed. “Don’t feel bad you didn’t know. I thought maybe your mom would have told you?”

“I… she probably tried.” He looks back at the road then, and his words hurt you more than they should. “I wasn’t interested in what was going on back here aside from her. So I likely cut her off.”

“Oh.” You blink back hot emotion, Satoru feels it, how tense the air is in the car, feels your thigh tense under his touch even, as he focuses on driving.

“You’re helping them because he’s not feeling good yet.”

“Yes, but also, I needed to come back, we got lay offs where I was, and as a new teacher I had no tenuity.”

Fuck you’ve had it rough, even if you don’t perceive it that way, the guilt eats him alive, no matter what he would have liked to think he’d be there for you during that, something happening to your father. He was close to him as well growing up, and he sees the effects it has, but you hearing his dismissal of you probably made it worse.

He couldn’t care about you anymore, not when you were so deeply embedded in his heart and soul, not when he was in love with you since you were both just kids, the only way to not feel you anymore was to shove you deep down. And make you just a small flicker of memories, while he busied himself with fame, parties, events, anything to feel alive, and not the emptiness.

“I asked about you.” Your voice drags him down further, his hand is still resting on your thigh, squeezing just a bit.

This isn’t how he thought it would go.

He thought he’d bust out a few lines of how sexy you are, give you a charming grin and a brush on your cheek, and you’d melt, all women melt for him. But you’re tense, unsure and hurt, and he can’t help but feel it’s all due to him, as badly as he wants to explain it away.

“I know. Mom told me.”

It’s quiet again.

The two friends that teased and laughed and shared everything were just strangers now.

You’re holding it back, the endless questions in your head swirling, wanting to know why you were left behind, you get everyone else, but why you, Shoko, Suguru? Why couldn’t he have made a little exception for his true friends. Was it too painful, the memories?

“We’re here.” He says softly, and you both step out then, awkward in your shuffle towards the door, which he opens, the little bells jingling as warmth filters out of the cozy place.

Soon you’re both seated across from each other, and a familiar waitress bounces over. “Oh it’s little Satoru! Oh goodness, what a treat!”

Satoru sighs, shoving up his shades, he was hoping less people would recognize him, not understanding how much he stood out as a six foot four man with shocking white hair. Well, it’s lavender a bit in places, isn’t it? Or is it silver? You never could figure out its color, nor the exact shade of blue that made up the eyes still hiding behind the dark glass.

“Yeah, just for a couple days.”

“And with her! Oh you two were always the cutest, I thought you’d be together, it was the talk of the cafe.” She’s giggling as she watches your reaction. “She has been coming here once a week when she’s in town, gets your special order.”

“Maisie!” You’re trying to shush her, but Satoru’s already heard, as she covers her mouth. “I just enjoy those pancakes.”

You order his order?

He’s staring at you across from him, taking your jean jacket off, now he’s sure it’s from high school. He sees the little pin he’d gotten you still on it, a little Sailor Mars pin, faded and worn. You smile nervously as he just stares at you then, putting the pieces together slowly.

You still come here.

You wear his pin.

You ask about him.

You fucking cared for him, didn’t you? He thought it was some pity, a sweetheart of a girl who’s stupidly popular, but always made sure to include him. He didn’t think it was more than that, pity or convenience, but now he’s questioning it, the girl he left behind in his small town, the one he forced himself to never think of, when you seemingly kept thinking of him.

“Are you good with that?” He blinks a bit, looking at your lips, ones he’d die to feel for once, struggling to hear what you said.

“Huh?”

“The usual, Satoru, those fluffy pancakes that look like kittens! And a strawberry milkshake, right?” Maisie asks, eyes all hopeful, but Satoru laughs a bit, shaking his head now.

“Yeah no, I can’t have that many carbs. Just an Americano please.” Maisie blinks a bit now, and you shift in your seat. “I have a body to maintain.”

“I’ll have pancakes.” You say then, making Maisie smile. “And a milkshake.”

“On the way!” You sigh as you look at Satoru across the table, leaning back in the bright red booth.

“She was excited to see you, couldn’t you just split some with me?”

“Do you know how much sugar is in a pancake?”

“What happened to the boy who loved sweets? You’ve always been thin, what’s the harm?” Satoru scoffs, shaking his head.

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“Oh, I guess not.” It’s tense again, as Maisie comes back out, and Satoru looks over at the pancake with two kittens made of whipped cream and berries, two forks and a milkshake with two straws.

“In case you change your mind.” She hands him his coffee with a gentle touch of your shoulder, and Satoru sips it, as you sip your milkshake, leaning forward just so, wrapping your lips around the straw, he nearly chokes on his coffee when you lick your lower lip.

“Yummy.” You say it with a smirk, as if to tempt him into the sugar.

“I bet.”

“I am sure girls you’re used to don’t eat, and don’t get me wrong, I try to be healthy, but a little indulgence doesn’t hurt.” You take a nibble now, sighing and shutting your eyes, doing erratic things to his brain. “We have a lot of memories here.”

“Yeah. I guess we did.” He’s transfixed then, memories making the atmosphere shift, of him giggling, sitting next to you, while you fed him bites, sipping each other’s drinks, Satoru remembers panicking, thinking how it was an indirect kiss. “I was a loser then.”

“What!?” You glare now, fork falling as he sips the hot, dark coffee again.

“I was, what? Gonna act like I wasn’t?”

“You were certainly not. You were smart, sweet, funny…” You feel it now, the hot anger you try to keep buried, as a teacher you’re sweet and patient, you try to see the sides of everything. But you’re so furious at him at that moment, for talking shit about your best friend - him.

“And you’re still sweet.” His words are soft, a quirk of his plump lips now. “Too nice some would say.”

“Well Satoru, I don’t care what people say, and I never have.” You take another bite now, still glaring. “And I won’t let you talk shit about the best friend I had.”

He pauses, snowy lashes lowering, while you chew the bite now, his knees brush yours under the table, spread wide as yours sit between them, brushing just the smallest bit. “The best friend you had?”

“Wasn’t I to you?” Satoru’s eyes lift, the lilting conversations in the room fade away, he sees the tiniest bit of whipped cream on the corner of your mouth then, leaning forward and brushing it away with his thumb. Touching your cheek does more in that moment than the endless nights with women, tilting everything on its axis.

You gasp just a bit, he is pulling it back now, lapping the cream off his thumb, the action making you heat up, pressing your thighs together, heart racing. “It is yummy.”

Jesus christ.

It’s been a long time since you’ve done anything, but there’s no excuse for just what that did to your body, seeing him so casually touch you and lick his finger like that, mind running to things it shouldn’t. You shake that off, feeling the tension weigh even heavier, as you sip on the milkshake again slowly, swallowing before you finally get the courage to ask it.

“Why did you never talk to me again?”

The question hits him hard, what did he think? You'd be so blinded by his good looks, money and fame, that you’d fall? No, you were the girl he remembered, the girl who those things never mattered to, the one yelling at him for being mean to himself, or who he used to be. He leans back a bit, thighs brushing yours once more, hearing the edge to your voice as you study him.

“I didn’t talk to anyone but mom, it wasn’t just-”

“Why me though? I thought we were so close, I…” You’re blinking tears, but you fail, and Satoru’s heart which he thought was good, until this, until the pretty tear glinting off the light ahead. “You were my everything. I… need a moment, I’m sorry.” You go to stand but he grabs your hand then, placing his over yours.

“Don’t go.” His voice belies some of his emotions finally. “I… I had to leave you all behind, that night was a cruel joke in my head, playing over and over.”

You sit back down, swiping at your tears. “I needed just some time to get them out, there were so many of them.”

“But the thing is, they were your people, everyone loved you, and I thought… that I was a ‘pity friend’.”

“A what!?”

“Something cute to tote around, like some fucking… kitten or puppy. Like these stupid kittens.”

“They’re cute, first off. Second off, you were much more. God everything I told you, everything we went through, and you never asked about me?” Satoru’s lips part, you keep your voice low, as others laugh and converse around you all, as the bustling little place that hasn’t changed a bit goes in motion, you’re at a standstill.

“I couldn’t look back.” Satoru’s words are hard for you to handle, he swipes a hand through those locks then, leaning forward. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves at this moment.”

“What?” His hand brushes back your hair, and he smiles a bit, sure he’s charming, but you can’t even believe him.

“Why look on it, I’m here now. I want to catch up.”

“Do you, why when you never did?”

“Because I’m here now, and…”

“Miss me suddenly only when you saw me? Was it because Sukuna asked me out?” He glares right at you now, before relaxing clenched hands, raising a brow.

“Why should that matter? He can’t compete with me.”

“Compete, there’s no competition. You know, Satoru… I liked - no - loved who you were. I loved watching anime with you and going to the arcade, I loved how sweet and free you felt with me.” You’re sniffling, barely able to hold back things you’d hoped you could let go, but the lingering is in your heart. “I loved everything about the boy you were.”

“I…” He’s sputtering, unable to know what to do now. “I’m not him anymore. He was just a-”

“A sweetheart. A good person. There was nothing wrong with him. And I will not let you keep downing him, when I loved who he was.” You’re throwing on your jacket now, Satoru can’t believe the words out of your mouth, words he could never dream would fall, but he knows it too well.

“Loved as a friend?” You laugh without humor, tossing your hair back and pulling it out from under the collar of the denim.

“You never let us find out if there was more.” The words pulsate through him, as panic sets in, but you shake your head, sighing. “I get why you ran, I do, but fuck like you forgot me. It hurt more than any shitty breakup, it meant more than some guy I thought I had puppy love for. We were so close, I…”

He murmurs your name softly, a nickname only he had called you, long ago. “Can you just give me a day with you?”

“I see no reason to keep talking.”

Satoru’s jaw clenches. “Gotta see Sukuna?”

“Yes. I made plans. And since you’re not eating, and I’ve lost my appetite…” He frowns down at the pancakes, swallows the memories, shutting his eyes.

“Yeah, okay, I won’t keep you.” His harsh words and cold gaze make it all shift, and soon you’re back in the car, but this time even the tentative pretense to be friendly was gone. His hand isn’t on your leg, no one is talking at all, and when he pulls up to your home, you pause, as he busies himself looking at his phone.

“Okay…” Your soft words make him pause just a bit. “Satoru I am sorry I unloaded those emotions. I should have just been friendly, I didn’t plan it to go that way.” He eyes you now, sending the text, sighing when your eyes swim once more with shimmering tears.

He wants to hold you.

He wants to hug you.

To bury you against his chest, a longing so real and tangible it’s hard for him to breathe, to not do that. “It’s fine, I shouldn’t have asked you to come out.”

The pain sets in, of his casual words. “Oh?”

“You didn’t want to, and you had plans later.” He’s back poking at his phone again. “You need me to walk you?”

Wow.

You say nothing, glaring now, stomping out of the car into the snow and slamming his fancy fucking door, he feels tears form in his own eyes, cursing himself then. He rests his head on the steering wheel, before he sees your gloves, sighing and grabbing them, walking out of the car and shouting your name.

You turn as he runs up, breath foggy, standing now at your step, for once you’re at face level, as he is several steps down from you, your breath quickening when he holds your gloves out. Your chilled fingers touch his as you grab it carefully, looking down at where they’re joined.

“Thanks.” You manage, trying to understand where sweet Satoru was, and why he’s in the body of a jerk model. “Have a good trip.”

Satoru knows he’s fucked it all up as you just turn away, and he watches you walk to your door. You look at him, and he can’t say anything, nothing at all to the girl he still feels in his fucking heart, his soul, a girl who clearly he’s hurt beyond what he knew, and you were still giving him a chance, but he’s fucking it up. He tries to pull it together, stepping up again, until he’s towering over you, an arm on one side of your door, as you press against it.

“Can we just start over?” He asks then, you shift, his presence is too much, the feelings and pressure overwhelming, to where you can’t think of anything but how badly you want to hug him, be held by him, even now.

Was he there anymore?

“I was rude, I know that. I’ll be here a few days, maybe… we can see like a movie, or just you can come over? Anything.” Finally, you feel it, some of who he was, his genuine voice breaking for just a moment.

“Will Samantha be there? She scares me.” He laughs then, his real fucking laugh, so cute as he rests his head lower, cupping your face, thumb brushing on an overheated cheek. “Satoru…”

“You still wear the same body spray.” You get more heated, he feels it, so warm and inviting, is all of you?

“Not everything needs to change.” He sighs now, knowing the double meaning behind it. “Wait, you remember my body spray?”

Fuck yes he did.

It was so sweet and you.

Any time he inhaled something similar, he’d look around wildly, thinking the sweet teacher was in LA - Satoru always knew you’d be one. He should tell you he’s proud you became one, that he’s proud you help your family. That he missed you, he truly did, even when he’s denied it, hidden it. That he’s sorry.

But the words fail, when he’s this close to you, breath tickling your lips, your eyes dart up, as he bends down now, and dies to think of kissing them, of devouring them, kiss every inch of you. But even if he could get with you, where did it lead? Was it selfish to think this way?

He is selfish.

“I’ll come over tomorrow night, we can do dinner and movies.”

“Shit, really?”

“With your mom.”

Fuck.

He sighs as you press him gently back. “Sound good?”

“Sounds good.” He takes a breath as you walk inside, looking back at him now. “I’ll see you then. Have a horrible fucking date.”

“Really now?” He just sets his jaw.

“Yep really. Hope it sucks.” 

You scoff now. “You’re a dick, I swear maybe-”

“No, no shit. Sorry, have a…” Horrible date. 

“Can’t even bullshit a fake nice answer?” You ask, stepping inside now, and Satoru chuckles.

“I guess not. Pick you up at six?”

“I can drive.” With that you shut the door, and he palms it for a moment, cursing silently to himself.

God he fucked it up.

Samantha is pouty and all over him as he picks her up, going on and on, when they get ready to hit their actual press junket, but she didn’t need to ever know that. She’s dramatically going on, as Satoru looks at the time, thinking you must be with Sukuna now, the thought making him grip the wheel far, far too tightly.

“Samantha, can you take a xanax dear god.” She gasps now.

“You’re such a dick!”

“Yeah, I heard that.”

*****

As Samantha and Satoru drive and bicker to the press junket, you’re waiting on Sukuna for lunch, peering at the time when he walks into the diner, big grin on his handsome face as he looks at you. You stand up, nervous now, after the emotional strain of Satoru’s date, you’re afraid of what lies ahead for this one.

“Ordered us something, is that cool? I waited a bit.” He puts his hands on your shoulder, leaning down and kissing your cheek then.

“Sorry I’m late, shit, I had a meeting and the guy wouldn’t shut up.” He’s rolling ruby eyes, you laugh a bit, softly.

“I get it. No worries!”

“Sit, sit.” You do just that, across from the tall, broad shouldered man, who is so huge he looks comical in the seat. “Fuck you look pretty.”

“Oh, um… thanks.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, and he chuckles.

“Cute.”

“Am I now?” He nods, leaning his chin on his fist, casually assessing you.

“Very.”

The food comes and the conversation flows, he seems actually interested in your life, asking all sorts of things, shit somehow he heard about your dad now, the town is small and talks a lot. He’s genuine in his concern, in his interest, to the point you start opening up more, laughing with him, asking about his life.

He’s not holding back like Satoru, he’s genuine about the past. “I was a fucking ass to you.”

“Yeah you were.”

“Shit, to everyone.”

“You were such an ass.”

“You could stop me, say I wasn’t so bad.” He leans close over the table, you just laugh then, shaking your head. “Shit, you’re right though. Have I said how good you look?”

“Three times.” You shove playfully at his shoulder, and he takes your hand in his then, making you pause, feeling the rough calluses from years of football, on your tender skin.

“I want to apologize.”

“Tell me this isn’t some death apology tour!”

“No. Just hoped to see you, and I did and… wanted to say I was a dumb little shit. Had you and fucked it up.”

“You needed those college girls.” He sighs, releasing your hand and sipping on his drink then.

“Nothing was like you.”

It’s quiet then, feelings have been going fucking insane all day, to have your ex and your ex best friend suddenly in your life, one avoiding, one apologizing, was difficult to process. Sukuna seems genuine, sweet even despite still being cocky and arrogant, fuck he was… enjoyable. You’re having fun.

“How’d coffee go?” He asks suddenly, as the waiter is grabbing your check.

“God, horrible. Um… I guess I was still upset that he left. But, you had a big part in that, you know.” Your glare makes him fidget a bit, running a hand through pink locks, frowning.

“I know. I was a bully to everyone.”

“If people were nicer, he wouldn’t have left me.” You realize then what you’ve said, looking away and shaking your head. “I’m sorry. That’s mean. I’m being a whole bitch today.”

“You are the furthest thing from a bitch. You should be mad at me, and mad he left you like that, shit you all were stupidly close.”

“Yeah. But still, we were young, so young. I don’t resent you.” Your hand comes over his now, thumb hitting the cool metal of his watch, his breath catches a bit. “I appreciate your apology.”

"Oh thank god.” He’s exhaling in relief, as you giggle.

“Sukuna is scared of something?”

“Saying sorry is like puking, yuck.” You laugh louder then, covering your face just a bit, as he grins at you. “I’m trying, okay?”

“You are.”

“I’d apologize to Satoru if he wasn’t such a punchable asshole.”

“Oh! You made him that way.”

“Apology tour unconcluded.” His grumble just brings you more joy, and he smirks as he studies you, a hand touching your knee under the table, making you heat up a bit. “Can I see you again before I leave?”

You nod then, smiling. “I’d like that.”

*****

Satoru got rid of Samantha, for a bit at least.

The next afternoon he and her had just come back from one of the first walks, he was exhausted and thirsty, pricks in his skin from outfits being pinned up in places, his lips fucking hurt from that look he always had to pull. Satoru had his own ‘blue steel’ that always made the women in the audience wet, and probably everyone horny if he was being completely honest.

But, it takes a toll.

Samantha is especially whiny after they get to Satoru’s mom’s home, and he is trying to think of ways to get her away, since you’re coming over in an hour. He wants real time with you. He wants to show he’s not this… who is he, really? The attention didn’t hit what it usually did, fuck nothing hit well when your teary eyes were burned in his brain.

“My feet hurt! It’s cold. I’m tired!” Samantha is whining and whining that night, when Satoru finally gets a notification.

A hotel room.

He grins now.

Fuck yes.

“Samantha, look baby, a suite!” He cooes to her, and she lights up when she sees it.

“Oh it actually looks nice, especially after this town.”

“It’s perfect, I’ll take you tonight.”

“But, aren’t you staying?” She’s frowning, touching his chest, then lower, until she grips his dick, and his eyes damn near bug out. “Little Gojo, tell him!”

“Dear god, ow.” She’s got a hell of a grip, he struggles to disentangle his cock from her brutal grip, wincing. “I have to spend a little time here, with my mom-”

“Bullshit, it’s the townie with the nice ass.” She glares, pushing him onto his bed then, and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “We can bring her in, threesome time. Purr.”

“Stop purring, fuck. No.” He grabs her hips now, yanking her off him, curious how to play this so she will listen, cupping her face now, putting on that smile. “You need beauty rest, you’re just not getting it here.”

“Ugh, true.”

“And there’s a spa there.”

“A spa!?”

“Mmhmm, I’ll pick you up for the next show in the morning, mmkay?” She giggles, kissing up his face until she tries to shove her tongue in his mouth, fuck he supposes he used to not mind, but he hates it, shoving her back. “We’ll miss the suite if we don’t go now!”

Thank god he got rid of her.

His mother also seems relieved, though she’s too sweet to say it out loud, already putting in orders. “Pizza for you two, right? And the cinnamon sticks, it’s what I always ordered. Pepperoni, extra icing-”

“Mom, so many…” He pauses then, remembering how you all were.

Happy.

Carefree.

Nibbling on those cinnamon sticks, you’d dab icing on his nose and giggle so fucking cute, god he would die to see you smile again.

“That sounds good, thank you mom. Any… shit, advice?” His mom starts tearing up now, and Satoru frowns. “Mom?”

“My baby wants advice!” He ends up hugging her, sighing now, god he missed being home, he thought he would hate it, but he doesn’t really. He misses you and her. So much.

Last night had been spent going through it over and over, every single way he’d fucked up, then thoughts of you and Sukuna. Was it a good date? Would your feelings come back? Would he have a chance? And the biggest question, could there be any type of future if you actually did let him have it? What was that like for you two?

He doesn’t know where it will go, but he knows one thing, he never wants to make you cry again, and he has to try anything. “Advice for what, my love?” His mom’s words are soft and sweet, Satoru rubs the back of his neck now, sighing.

“How to be… myself again.” His mom is full sobs now, he has to hold her narrow, shaky form, feeling awful then. “I’m still a model. I’m rich. I’m… famous.”

“You are, and I’m so proud. But I’ve never been prouder than now.”

“Mom, shh. I just wanna try to be who she remembers, a little. Is he still here?” She holds a hand to his chest, nodding.

“He’s here. And all over your room. Find some special things, maybe your favorite movie, a favorite song? Your sweater.”

Satoru scoffs. “That ugly thing!”

“Mmm, it’s a thought. It’s almost six, so get ready.”

Shit.

Satoru runs up the stairs, to his room trapped in time, fingers running across the ugly ass nerdy sweater, folded right over one of his polos. He frowns, staring in the mirror, still in his dress shirt loosely unbuttoned and black slacks, then back at the sweater you got him.

“Fuck it.” He goes to the old cd player now, hitting track number one, your favorite song, the one he was singing the night everything changed, the night he practiced in the mirror kissing. He was a loser then, even if you won’t admit it, but if you want it? He’d do anything.

Just for a chance to make you happy. After being horrible, selfish, cold, he lay in bed all night tossing and turning, thinking of your words.

If you just gave me time.

Time, he didn’t give you time.

Satoru slips on the ugly polo and argyle sweater, before he leans over, picking up the old glasses, then putting them down. He takes out his contacts now, sighing as he puts them on, looking in the mirror, shaking his head. The sweater is small against his buffer frame, the glasses look ridiculous on his chiseled frame, then glares at his retainer.

He still wears one a few nights a week, but…

The Lucemon, huh?

“Gonna go full nerd mode.” He laughs at himself, shaking his head and slicking his hair up, like it was then, with pomade. He cleans the shit out of the retainer then, leaning over the bathroom mirror and snapping it in. “God.”

He looks…

“Satoru!” Your voice makes him pause, as he runs out, and you see him then, pausing at the doorway, plates of pizza in one hand, a bottle of wine tucked in your arm. Your mouth drops, eyes blinking rapidly. “Satoru?”

“I know.” He grumbles, and you hear it then, one of your favorite songs, eyeing his room, realizing it hasn’t changed a bit. “Here.”

You let him gently take the bottle from your arm, setting it on his side table, then taking the pizza gently, as your lip trembles, and you look at him, fuck you stare at him. Is it him!? Is he… is Satoru here? Is it some ruse to make fun of himself, or is it something real, tangible?

He pulls you against him, hugging you so tightly, and you cling to him then, his soft sweater against your cheek now, while he rocks gently side to side, letting you cry, just holding you. Like he used to. He feels so good you sink into him, crying more, his mom walks up, seeing you two, Satoru looks at her behind his glasses, as she sets down the cinnamon sticks and the movie.

She smiles, teary eyed, shutting the door then, making you jump a bit, looking behind you. “Oh god you must think I’m a mess!”

“I don’t.” His hoarse voice, so raspy and deep, sends trembles through you when he eyes you, magnified blue eyes behind thick lenses, and your hand slips up that soft sweater. “I was a dick.”

“Oh, Satoru…”

“I was. And you should be mad, you shouldn’t even come see me. But that’s what I love about you, how kind you always were.” He wants to say more, but for now just that has him overwhelmed. “I got into nerd mode.”

You’re laughing as you swipe your tears, and he can’t help but smile. “Nerd mode!”

“Nerd mode activated. Look.” He opens his mouth, earning further giggles.

“Oh my god! Satoru, it’s the retainer!”

“Mmhmm. I guess I still look hot, huh?” He winks now, and you nod eagerly, grinning now.

“Hot. So hot now.” He rolls his eyes, hugging you once more, leaning back, his lips a breath from yours, and your eyes drift to them, as your heart pounds. “All this for me?”

“The least I can do after…” He still can’t say it.

He was wrong to have left you.

“Your room oh my god, the memories!” You leave his embrace, running up to look at all of his photos, touching your chest then, feeling the warmth in your heart, as Satoru stands behind you, hard body warm behind you. “It’s all me and you.”

“That’s all I needed.” He touches one gently, a hand on your waist as he studies the photo, it was your eighteenth birthday, right before he’d left.

“We look so fucking happy.” Your words almost break him then, when you look back up at him, hair brushing against his soft sweater, he can inhale that shampoo, your vanilla scent, mixing with the cinnamon and pizza in his childhood room.

Every memory is back.

They’re all of you.

“Thank you for coming tonight. I promise, I’m fine being a friend, even though I was so shitty for so long.” You shake your head then, and his proximity makes you question everything.

“You were just… traumatized. I never was angry, just hurt.”

“That’s worse.” Satoru cups your chin, and both of you know, friendship is different than whatever tingles and shocks run through your bodies in that moment, as he watches you behind those frames. “The next couple days, I’d love to try to… get to know you.”

“And get to know yourself?” He nods, when you turn your head back to your photos, and lean back, so that you’re fully against him. He gulps back the hot desire, a hand splaying your tummy, feeling your frame in his arms, dying to never let go.

He shouldn’t have left you.

God he was a fool.

Even after it all, he feels it, your affection, your care, while you delicately touch another polaroid of you two, this one right before graduation. The sadness fills you both slowly. “Um, where’s…”

“She’s got a suite.”

“Oh.”

“Did your lunch date suck?”

“You’re still a dick.” He’s laughing softly, and you bounce off him now, rushing to the dvd, grinning as his eyes light up.

“Not the Holy Grail!”

“Always the Holy Grail. God, I can still recite it all.” You rush now, seeing his playstation and smiling. “This still work?”

“Dusty but yes.” He slides it open, when you both lean down to blow, and he smacks into your head. “Shit!”

“Ow!” He touches a growing bump on yours tenderly, cool thumb feeling relieving. “Sorry.”

“No, I got clumsy, the nerd gear.” He’s smiling watching you laugh again, leaning back over to gently blow, so goddamn beautiful he can’t stand it, especially with your pretty grin.

“The date was good.”

“Date, hmm.” He frowns now, jealousy eating at him. “Did you…”

“Kiss? Would you care?” You ask softly, not meeting his eyes, as you place the disc inside, and grant he remote, turning on his thin black tv, while he curses just a bit. He wants to be cocky, arrogant, conceited. Say no, he wouldn’t care.

But…

He needs to be him again.

“Yeah. I would.” You pause once more, in the quiet room, just the ticking clock and the fan whirling overhead the only sounds, along with your heart thrumming in your ears. “But I get it, if so.”

“We didn’t.” He exhales too much in relief, thank God you don’t see, fiddling with the tv, when Satoru starts getting everything on the floor, and pats it, letting you sit on the soft carpet next to him.

You’re just wearing sweats and a comfy shirt, and you look sexier than any model he saw today, casual, sweet and looking like you just showered. Hair fucking shimmering, skin glowy and dewy, a smile not leaving your lips, especially when you watch him bite the cheesy, gooey pizza, a string of mozzarella that he laps up.

“What?” He asks, wiping his grease from the pizza off his chin.

“Nothing, just… carbs huh.”

He snorts now, rolling his eyes, and leaning closer to you, so close you feel his toned, strong arm against you, feeling so good. “I’ll eat carbs on vacation I guess.”

“It’s on, it’s on!” You’re nibbling a cinnamon stick, a little sugar on your lip he’s dying to lick off.

It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

The movie starts, and he realizes you still know the shit word by word, and have no problem acting them out physically either. He’s laughing so hard his cheeks hurt, his tummy hurts, so full of pizza now, and you are popping open the wine as you carry on your quotes.

“Holy fuck, I didn’t know then.” He says softly, when you hand him a glass, and breathlessly sit next to him.

“Know what, Satoru?”

“You’re… a nerd.”

“Hey!” You nudge him, laughing again, sighing suddenly as both of your laughter dies down, and you’re sipping that glass, leaving a pretty, perfect lip print. “I was always nerdy, just… people were cool with it.”

“You were always you.” He brushes his fingers across your cheek, as you see your flushed reflection in his glasses, and he drops his fingers. “I’m sorry for yesterday, I was…”

“A jerk.”

“That.” 

You touch his face now, brushing along a jawline that’s just sharpened impossibly, studying the beautiful super model in his old room, in his old clothes. Everything that you’ve missed for so long feels real, tangible, and you don’t know how long this will last, this beautiful feeling. Is it fleeting?

“When do you return?” You ask softly.

“Two days.”

Your heart sinks a bit, but you nod quietly. “I’ll miss you when you go again.”

“Why would you miss me? After…”

“You’ll always be my Toru.” Satoru sips his own drink, gulping down the heavy feelings with it, you all are closer now, so close. His arm wrapped around your waist, you’re almost in his fucking lap. He’s nuzzling your neck and inhaling you, hand slipping up higher, thumb brushing the side of your breasts through your soft fleece, but even then he sees it, your nipples pressed up.

“I missed you too.” His admission shocks you, your eyes meet and lock, the very air crackling between you both, as you lean closer, hand gripping the stem of your glass, as he’s so close, too close. “You shouldn’t even let me close.”

“No?”

“No, not when all I can think of is tasting every inch of you.” His words shock you then, sexy and bold, and terrifying.

You’re so close to kissing him.

But if you do, what does it mean? A fleeting affair? Could you handle the pain of him going back to his world if you let him in? Could you lose him again?

“I missed this.” He’s just looking at you, as the badly dressed knights are fighting, and you want to believe him, fuck you do…

But you’re scared.

“You look like you did that night.” Your words make him smile a bit, leaning even closer, until his eyes are lidded, and his lips are parted, drinking in your gasp when he inhales.

“That’s because that night I had a plan. One I really fucked up.”

“What plan?” Your whisper sends your sweet, wine kissed breath into his, and he’s shaking with how badly he needs you, how badly he hurts for what he’s done, how much he wishes he could have changed that night, changed it all.

Was this finally his chance?

“Let me… show you.”

Mmmkay the drama isn't over, but he's learning a bit. I know he's an ASS but he's traumatized and we can fix him - I think

taglist 1- @pinkyvomit @saitamaswifey @kachowness @vraiao @artbligh @psychoartiste @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @bsenpai @simp-for-wanderer @rjreins @emonaculate @myahfig4 @casua11ycrying @psycren @blushedcheri @ureuphoriasworld @frozenmallows @kanaojacksonofc @rcveriees @xlilycoco @yukimaniac @sypnasis @tokina @sharkubi @tztuoo @hyori2 @yesdere @gradmacoco @gamerhere @seikamuzu @xinsonyax @vvaoo @angie420 @ria54sworld @blue-musingss @mysticmyth @asimpinamillion @arabellasolstice @ilovebeansyay @notme000 @emochosoluvr @iv-vee @heh123321 @fushikamo @danilovesboba @spookyy-gracee @satorusleftnut @clqxuds @femaholicc

[sqgeism]

𐙚 𓏵𓏵𓏵 𐙚 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 | hiccup haddock x gender neutral reader

love mail — did someone say hiccup haddock? (no one did) surprise! at this point my account is jus becoming self indulgent and i'm posting faves :P FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAMEEE ! LOVE OF THE GAME ! it's 1am help me. art creds: amadeikolinkaut

hiccup's kind of stupid, for all his smarts.

he's confident in two things; toothless, and dragon riding.

which was basically the same thing.. but don't tell him that. he's got enough on his plate.

like trying to figure out how he feels about his best friend, who is currently off for a long mission - and he's been a little antsy about it. everyone's noticed the mood change, how he's a little more mopey, more lost in thought than he should be. ask hiccup what he's thinking and for once, and he doesn't immediately answer some new invention or dragon species.. no, it's something more vulnerable, human. quite literally.

while he's forced to drown in your absence, hiccup's been reflecting. he recalls how astrid laughed at how much he was insisting to come with you, that the village would be alright without their chief, but you made him swore that he'd stay. that no matter how long you'd spend searching for new resources and information, that he'd stay at berk and wait.

and wait he's been doing, waiting— waiting— and waiting. waiting is starting to drive him crazy. as he flies over berk, his eyes can't stop but stare at your home. it's always been next to hiccup's, just a moment away, but now you're somewhere in the world he can't reach, and that brings great discomfort to the dragon master.

the boy knows he's better than this, stronger than a measly ache to yearn. but may thor forbid any sound that is reminiscent of your laughter— for hiccup will always turn in hopes you're there, only to be disappointed. like orpheus to eurydice, he can't help but turn to see the one he misses, for the reason he looks is because he loves. and hiccup has yet to realize that; he too, would walk through the darkest depths to bring you back to light.

and maybe he wonders about you sometimes, and maybe it isn't just 'sometimes' but all the time, and maybe he's burying his head into his pillow and screaming his lungs out. he's telling even talking to toothless, "i don't miss them, bud. i've got my whole village to worry about, why on berk would only one person make me anxious like this?" as if verbalizing his thoughts make them fact. he hopes if he says it enough, it'll make his lie believable.

because who is he fooling? definitely not himself.

he's not fooling the most naïve of people when he literally shoves snotlout to the ground to get to you, nearly tripping over himself as you catch him- the boy damn near ate dirt just to be in your arms again. you want to talk, to tell him about your findings, but he's practically crushing you in his grip. he's crushing you, and he's laughing. because it makes sense to him now. he's spent so many nights wondering, hoping you'd come home. and you did. he doesn't have to hope anymore- because you're not a thought, not a memory, not a fragment of a moment. but you're here, you're home, and you're back in his arms.

he hates himself for ever letting you leave.

the truth has always been, and will always be;

"i missed you."

[damneddamsy]

falling | joel miller x fem!oc (part xii)

THEOREM OF BECOMING—Transformation is not a moment, but a process.

summary: The journey back to Jackson is full of make-believe of a life that almost feels like it's coming true.

a/n: woohoo, happy AAPI month! I'm sorry this update took so long, I was so indecisive on how I wanted this chapter to end, and what I wanted to depict, especially at the end when it was hard for me to decide where I wanted to place all of them... I just hope it turned out okay! one more chapter left before the epilogue :)

word count: 12,800+ words (dare I say, a short one?)

Joel tried to imagine himself at university. Outlandish things like, what would’ve happened if the world had given him a second door to open?

Because being here—goddamn. It was hard not to wonder what it might’ve felt like, walking into a place like this with a backpack and purpose instead of a rifle and regret.

What kind of kid would Joel have been, sitting in one of those chairs? Twenty years old, maybe. Hell—eighteen if he'd played it straight. No Sarah. No mortgage. No busted-up drywall jobs. No worry about gas bills or whether the AC would hold another summer.

Fuck no, he wouldn't do whatever it was Leela was doing in that lab, with data and diagrams that looked like chicken scratch to him. He would want a degree in something that lets the brain wander. A major in liberal arts, maybe. History. Music theory sounded nice. All that “not real work” crapola folks in his neighbourhood used to scoff at.

He’d always had a good head on him—just never the time or the cash to spend chasing someone else’s definition of smart. See, college wasn’t for men like him. Places like this weren’t made for people like him.

It was a gate you needed a key for, and that key used to cost fuck-ton loans and inevitable debt. More than he ever had or would have.

But that never meant he wasn’t curious. Never meant he didn’t know things.

Truth was, Joel used to like ideas. He liked stories. He read when he could. Listened. Paid attention. Watched old movies with Sarah, sometimes caught the way dialogue turned into meaning. Took in books secondhand, borrowed from neighbours, dog-eared and scribbled in. Kept his head and hands busy. When he worked construction, he could out-measure, out-calculate, and out-plan any of those stiff-collared pricks with their clean hands and degrees nailed to their office walls.

Tommy used to joke that Joel could memorize a script better than a foreman could read a blueprint.

“Man, you ain’t dumb,” his baby brother said once, picking dried cement off his hands. “We’re just poor.”

And he'd agreed. Their whole academic system was a racket, just a way of putting a price tag on knowledge.

Places like Caltech were always for them—it was for the bright ones, the born-lucky, the rich kids with trust funds and internships lined up like bowling pins. Kids like Leela, in fact. He'd never set foot in a real university, let alone one like this. All that prestige and legacy. Hell, even the labs looked like spaceships.

Joel had never even been on a real campus before the world went belly-up, and now here he was, boots echoing in a dead lecture hall, listening to Leela piece together the last remnants of science like she was born for it.

He stood halfway down the sloped aisle, one hand dragging along the edge of a long desk. The laminate was peeling at the corners. He could picture a thousand students slouched here over the decades, bent over laptops or spiral notebooks, yawning, scrawling notes they’d forget the second finals ended.

Behind him, Ellie climbed onto the stage at the bottom of the hall, testing the strength of the lectern like a kid playing teacher. Her voice carried, all grin and gravel.

“Bet you’d sit in the back row. Right, Joel?”

Joel smirked. “Only place I could get away with nappin’.”

“Or so you think. I’d definitely be front row. Raising my hand. Asking annoying questions.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Ain’t nothin’ changed.”

“Pft, whatever.”

Beyond the doors, down the corridor, he could just make out the faint click-clack of keys—Leela, working in the lab with that same eerie calm she always had when the world dropped away and it was just her and the numbers. Her silhouette had barely shifted in an hour. Her hair was loose, falling over one shoulder, half in the light. She looked like she belonged in there.

“Y’know,” he drawled out to Ellie from somewhere inside his head, “I think she and I… if we’d met like that back then… we’d’ve found each other.”

Ellie didn't tease him about it. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. I’d be the guy just tryin’ to keep up. Probably complainin’ about the campus coffee and the goddamn parking passes.”

She grinned. “She’d dodge you for two whole weeks.”

“Hm. Sounds ‘bout right.”

“Then one day you’d say something too smart that’d make her stop and think. And boom. Now you’re study partners.”

He sighed. “I ain’t smart, kiddo.”

“Nah, you’re smart.”

“Not that kinda smart.”

“Bullshit. You literally remember everything. Details. Faces. The way you describe a guy’s boots, I feel like I was there.”

Joel clucked his tongue. “You learn to read people when your life depends on it.”

She shrugged. “Still counts.”

He didn’t answer, but his mouth twitched—somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Hey, know what else? She’d’ve helped me cheat on a math exam.”

“Ha, no way. Leela would smack you across the face.”

He rubbed his jaw, the beginnings of a smile ghosting across his mouth. “But she’d tutor me. Make me memorise some dumb equation by makin’ it a song or somethin’. She hums that stuff sometimes, y'know? 'Spretty cute.”

Ellie gave him a look—half fond, half exasperated. “Jesus. Jesse was right. You're cuntstruck.”

“Ellie,” he muttered, more warning than scolding, but it didn’t carry much heat.

“Aw, c’mon, Joel. Can you just imagine a life where,” she sighed, “you just live that time-honoured, grey area of life? Be a normal dude with a college sweetheart or some shit?”

“How the hell do you know all that?”

“I'm just that baller.”

“Jesus.”

Now, Joel meant to leave it there, but the thought had already taken root.

He let his eyes drift toward the broken chalkboard at the front of the room, and the lecture hall around them seemed to grow in his mind—less ruin, more memory of something he never had.

He imagined Leela sitting at a desk beside him, in a school that let smart kids like her and dumbasses like him sit together—just one of those big halls with sticky floors and ceiling fans that clicked when they turned, where the smart ones always found the front row and the tired ones sat wherever the sun didn’t hit their eyes. She’d be chewing a pen cap, probably, maybe twirling a strand of hair around her finger, nodding all serious while some professor went off about Gödel or Fermat or one of those names that felt more like hexes than people. Joel wouldn’t understand a lick of it—not even on his best, most caffeinated day.

But maybe—she’d lean in, whisper it in Layman's for him. Not to make him feel dumb, but because she wanted him to know. All sweet, patient, gracious Leela.

He’d pretend to follow along, nodding at the right times, but mostly he’d be watching the way her mouth moved around the words, the way her brows bunched up when she really got into it. Watching the gears turn in her beautiful, brilliant head. Joel still did that, when she went off on a tangent in their living room between her blackboards, he'd just want her to kiss her until she was blue in the face.

He nevertheless would've fallen so damn hard for her. Right on his ass. No question about it.

Wouldn’t have taken him long to ask her out, either—not if they’d met like that. Not if she didn’t already know all the things the world had done to a man like him. He would have acted like his balls had just dropped or something—nervous as hell, but trying to play it cool. Sweaty palms, rehearsed lines in front of his mirror. Something about those big, dark eyes of hers, her fancy shoes, or her mint-condition books. Something along the lines of: I promise I’m more interesting than I look… though I realise the bar’s low since I’ve been standing here staring at you for the last thirty seconds.

And if she’d fold and giggle ‘okay’—and he liked to believe she would—he’d take her out someplace decent. Someplace with candlelight, silverware, suited waiters, cloches and folded napkins. He’d pick her up in front of her building. Show up with a fat bouquet of daisies. Pull her chair out for her at dinner. Hold the door. Call her ma’am without even thinking. He would be flat-broke in that life too, but he was raised right with Texan manners imbued upon him by Mr and Mrs Miller, after all.

Leela would probably tease him a little, maybe make fun of how stiff his shirt collar was or how he kept checking the long-ass bill like it was going to change. But she’d smile through it and offer to go Dutch instead. That rare, toothy smile of hers that made her look so young, unguarded and just a little bit shy.

He imagined them walking back across campus after—quiet, inseparable, arm around his. Maybe it was autumn. Maybe the crimson maple leaves crunched under their feet, and she kept pushing her hands into the sleeves of her coat like she always did when she was cold but didn’t want to say so. Maybe he’d offer his jacket. Maybe she’d take it. Maybe he’d blow into her hands in an attempt to kiss them.

Maybe that night, standing outside her place, she’d look up at him with that same quiet challenge in her eyes she had now—like she was daring him to be gentle.

And he would’ve been. Gentle as fuck. Their first kiss wouldn’t have been some clumsy, rushed thing. No desperation. No fear of the dark coming back. Just... time. Time you don’t know you’re wasting until it’s gone.

He imagined her fingers curled into his coat on maybe their fourth date, maybe he'd just taken her out ice-skating or bowling, and she would push the coat off him, and pull him a little closer. Stay with me tonight. A breath caught between their lips. And maybe—God help him—maybe they’d have stumbled into the fancy elevator of her expensive off-campus apartment, shoes kicked off halfway, giggling when she nearly tripped over her own purse left by the door. He’d catch her waist, steady her, and she’d glance at him with those mischievous eyes that already knew what he wanted. I want all of you.

They’d lock the door behind them, not because they had to, but because they could—because no one was chasing them, nothing was breathing down their necks. Just a night in. Quiet. Private. Theirs.

The desk lamp would still be on, casting light over her math books still open, forgotten now, pages fluttering. Her room would be warm, a little cluttered, with too many books for one person. A corkboard with pinned movie stubs and Post-it reminders. A polaroid of them, maybe, from some campus event—Joel squinting at the lens, Leela mid-laugh as always, her nose scrunched in that way he loved.

They’d peel off layers slowly. Clothes in a trail from the doorway to the bed. His shirt, her dress, his belt, her tights, his boxers. Her bra hanging from the lamp. They’d laugh a little, giggling some, fumbling with the condom in his wallet like it was a joke they’d made earlier in the week—about how just in case that had suddenly become now.

No pressure. No pain. First times. A night they got to have too late. No urgency, no hunger born from grief or fear. Just intimacy. Just plain, affectionate, stumbling, careful sex. Earned. Trusted. Wanted.

He pictured them afterwards, her curled against him beneath tangled sheets, tracing lazy shapes on his chest while the radiator clanked in protest against the cold. Nodding while they discussed their upcoming test, how she’d incentivise him with a kiss for each question he scored, fingers moving through her hair, catching on a tiny braid she must’ve done while studying.

The window would fog up by morning. They’d sleep through their alarms. Maybe skip class like dumb rebels. Maybe make breakfast instead—pancakes from a box, the batter too thick, the frying pan too hot. He’d burn the first one and she’d steal it anyway, kissing him with syrup on her lips. Good fuckin' morning to me.

They’d graduate together, in this life. He’d be in the back row on ceremony day, shoes shined for once, hair swept back neatly, watching his best girl stride across the stage to grab her scroll. Top of her class, honour roll, summa cum laude. Maybe he didn’t get a diploma of his own—maybe he took night classes, taking the slow route out—but he’d be there, standing up before anyone else, clapping like hell, hooting her name with his hands cupped around his lips.

And she’d find him later, tassel on her crooked hat flying, gown wrinkled, eyes shining, leaping into his arms, and he’d spin her about. Kiss her right there in the crowd like he was the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

And in that life—the life he never got—maybe they’d go on like that for years. Their families are all tight-knit, spending holidays together, all of them waiting on hand and foot for Joel to pop the question, but he promised his girl all the time in the world. No muss, no fuss.

Graduation photos in front of some ivy-covered wall. Travel photos of the two of them from roadtrips and weekend escapes—mountains in Telluride, coasts in Monterey, lighthouses in Nantucket. Maybe later they’d rent a shitty apartment together in a big city even if he hated it—New York, or London, or some big German town with a zigzag skyline and a bakery on every corner—while she chased her PhD dreams and he’d just be happy to take care of them. Joel would take on carpentry jobs to keep the lights on and fix things around the building in exchange for rent. He'd play gigs, strum his old guitar, in pubs and bars all night for a good sum of cash. Patch the leaky sink with elbow grease. Assembling furniture that they couldn’t afford to buy. Shelves full of her notes. Coffee rings on the floor. Late-night supermarket runs. Eat dinner for breakfast and fall asleep with her textbooks open between them. The laughter of a life being made from scratch.

And maybe one day, not in a church, not even in a courthouse—but under that oak tree just outside her big, white house in Jackson, they’d say their vows. Soft ones. Barely louder than the wind. Just a handful of people who mattered, a patch of wildflowers in springtime, and the gold ring he’d carried in his pocket for years. Her hand in his, sliding the band into place. Her thumb brushing his knuckles while he tried not to cry. I offer you all I have, my dumbass and beating heart.

And she’d laugh when he picked her up, white dress, veil and all, just to prove he still could, and carry her over the threshold, whilst her sandals dangled from his fingers. They'd make love like it was the first time, on a nice, month-long honeymoon in the Maldives or Bali, on a linen, canopy-frame bed that wobbled by the time they were through.

And one day, he’d come home—sawdust still in his hair, tired to the bone, aching for his long shower—only to find a positive test on the bathroom sink, and they’d smile at each other like they’d just won the lottery. Those soft, teary eyes they’d share. You think we've got room for one more around here?

And from that moment on, Joel would've been all in. No half-measures. No second-guessing. Just him, right in her pocket. He wouldn’t leave her side unless he had to—work, maybe, or some emergency—and even then, she’d be on speed dial (not that she already wasn’t). He’d check in constantly. Make sure she was drinking water, eating enough. Sitting her antsy ass down.

Late at night, he’d press his ear to her belly, grinning when their baby kicked like she already had her mama’s fire. He’d murmur promises against her skin—about giving her the world, about love, about never missing a thing again. And he’d mean every damn word.

He wouldn’t miss a single ultrasound, even if the clinic was across town and the truck was coughing smoke. He’d be there for all of it—Lamaze classes, nausea, mood swings, sleepless nights, midnight drives for god-knows-what. He’d baby-proof every damn inch of the house, stock the cabinets with baby items, triple-check the crib screws, read every parenting book he could find, even the ones with goofy cartoon covers.

Overbearing? For fucking sure. She might threaten to divorce him half a dozen times before the third trimester—but he’d take it, all of it. With a grin and a kiss and a Yes, ma’am.

And when it was time—when the world narrowed to a hospital room and the sound of her hurting wails—he’d be right there, surgical gown and all, holding her hand through every contraction, brushing damp hair from her face, whispering through the panic, through his heart tearing in two: I’m right here, baby. I ain’t going anywhere.

And Maya would come hollering into their lives. Of course, that’s what they’d name her in this life, too. Radiant, beautiful, nascent Maya, looking just like her mama and holding his heart in her tiny fist. All that imagining he’d ever done—every if, every maybe—had somehow led to this little girl he called his.

He pictured Maya clearly in that other life—the one that never got to be. Toddling around their grad-school apartment, leaping onto his stomach in PJs on a lazy Sunday morning, giggling through a mouthful of sugary cereal while Leela chased after their little thief, trying to snatch the box from her sticky hands. One sock is on, and the other is always missing. Her wild curls bouncing as she ran to him when he walked through the door—always early, maybe this time in a stable job which involved him wearing a suit and tie, lugging a briefcase—arms outstretched, shrieking Da-da! like he was some kind of superhero, and without fail, he'd rain at least a hundred kisses on her before letting her go.

She’d throw a fit in the toy aisle over exactly the faulty stuffed animal, with lopsided eyes and a ripped tag, and Joel would fold like wet paper the second she pouted.

And if the bad times did come, the only arguments he and Leela might’ve had were the soft kind, inconsequential—disagreements over something like Joel’s brief, doomed venture into stocks, or Leela being scatterbrained with the grocery runs, or whether Maya should go to that elite preschool an hour away with the long waitlist and sterling reputation. Joel would’ve wanted the best for her, the kind of start he never had. But Leela would just want to keep Maya close a little longer, probably even attempt to homeschool her if she could swing it.

They’d make up over pizza on the couch—Maya asleep between them, still clutching that faulty toy, cartoons flickering on the TV. Their fingers would find each other over the back of her blanket, apology and forgiveness exchanged without a single word spoken.

And thereafter, the mornings were ones where he'd juggle coffee cups, lunch bags and backpacks, dropping Leela off at her university, her hair still wet from a rushed shower, pencil skirt on a tight ass that waited for it's morning squeeze, a thick binder clutched to her chest, a soft lingering kisses shared over the console; and then Maya in the backseat, singing along to the radio, squealing when he pulled up to her school next. She’d barely get her backpack on before she tore across the pavement to her friends, flashing Joel a quick flying kiss and a grin that damn near knocked the wind out of him every time.

And at night—the three of them crammed around a too-small kitchen table, Leela would sit, drafting her research papers or scribbling in a notebook, Maya in her lap, doodling in the margins, asking about black holes and dinosaurs in the same breath. Leela would answer every question like it was the most important one she’d ever been asked. Joel would just listen, smiling into his beer, tuck the moment away somewhere safe inside him, like a man who knew exactly how fragile good things could be.

And Maya would believe everything her mama told her. Because why wouldn’t she?

Joel blinked, staring at the cracked chalkboard. The room was silent, save for Ellie’s soft humming and the hum of distant power from the lab down the hall.

But that life—that life—wasn’t the one they got.

But maybe... maybe it wasn’t too late for some piece of it. Not the degrees or the papers.

But the love part. The quiet part.

Maybe that kind of life still had a place in this one. Maybe that was still real. Maybe it was standing just down the hall, surrounded by equations, stubborn as ever.

He smiled to himself, soft and stupid, like a man who’d just lived a whole other life in three minutes.

A loud metallic clatter broke the spell.

Joel turned—slow, blinking like he'd just woken from a dream—and found Ellie grinning at him, holding up a dusty diploma frame like she’d just pulled a sword from a stone. The glass was cracked in one corner, the name beneath faded and half-eaten by sun and decay. But scrawled across the middle in thick, unapologetic black marker was something brand new:

Dr. Leela Miller.

“Well,” Ellie said, lifting it higher like a trophy, “I didn’t know her last name, so…”

Joel stared. His breath caught on something warm.

“Reed,” he said, slow and quiet, like the name had weight. Affection weaved through it like a thread. “But this… this is fine.”

He could almost see it—this on the wall of that little apartment they never had. Over a desk cluttered with paper and empty mugs and one tiny sock, someone still hadn’t found the match for.

Ellie held it out to him like a kid offering a crayon drawing. “It’s probably not, y’know, technically accredited,” she said with a crooked smile. “D'you think she'll feel a little better?”

He snorted, folding his arms. “That's a ten-dollar word from a dollar-sized person.”

“Hey, fuck you.”

He gave her a look, soft and knowing. “Well, Leela won’t say it right now, but yeah. She will.”

Then he glanced across the hall.

There she was—his smartass, hunched on a table littered with papers and old, curling printouts. Leela had one hand braced against the edge, the other pressed over her mouth like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her fingers moved through a page, tracing lines of ink like a woman touching scripture. Like she was holding a piece of a language she'd thought was long dead.

Joel brought two fingers to his lips and let out a sharp, low whistle.

Across the hall, Leela jolted a little—more like a reflex than real surprise—blinking over at him with a stunned, empty look. It cracked after a second, softening into something small and sheepish, but Joel didn’t miss the way she moved, like she was dragging herself up from somewhere far away.

He tipped his head toward her, half a smirk pulling at his mouth, trying to keep it easy, light.

“Weather’s turnin’,” he called, voice carrying across the dusty floorboards. “We oughta get movin’ along before it gets any worse.”

“Um...”

Leela hesitated, staring back at the whirring, flickering monitor like it was something alive she’d been charged with keeping breathing. Her hand lifted slowly, clumsily, brushing her hair out of her face with the back of her wrist.

She gave a stiff little nod—obedient, automatic, like she wasn’t even aware of doing it.

Joel opened his mouth—half-ready to tell her it was fine if she needed more time—but Ellie piped up behind him.

“Ooh, we gotta head down to the coast first. Ay, you promised the beach, old man!”

Joel felt the beginnings of a headache forming behind his eyes. He turned slightly, cutting a look back at Leela for silent backup.

And Leela just shrugged. Just the barest hitch of her shoulders, like even the decision didn’t mean much anymore. Her mouth twitched at the corners, a hint of old amusement surfacing and dying again all at once.

“I've almost finished the upload,” she said, tapping the corner of the monitor, where some ancient progress bar crawled along painfully slow. “Just... eleven more minutes.”

Eleven minutes.

It used to drive Joel a little crazy, if he was honest. He’d thought it was grief or obsession. Maybe denial. He’d even thought as much, once—there wasn’t anyone left who cared about prime numbers and proof sheets. Leela's long nights hunched over scavenged paper, her fingers smudged with graphite and ash, scribbling until her wrist cramped. A fucking waste indeed.

No one needed the big hypothesis solved when there were clickers on the road and medicine running thin.

And now he saw it.

She wasn’t trying to bring the old world back. She was trying to make sure some vestige of it survived.

Not the comforts. Not its power grids or grocery stores, or monuments. But it's thinking. It's questions. The bones of the mind that had once built bridges and satellites and figured out how to split atoms. She was keeping that, preserving hope for the world that would eventually look back.

And she was sending it forward like a time capsule in the shape of code—across a patchy uplink, through battered infrastructure, to a settlement that might not even know what to do with it.

One day, someone would.

Someone with a mind like hers. Someone with less blood on their hands and more time. A student, a child, a generation down the line who’d never seen the world fall and might still wonder how it once stood.

She was sending it all to Jackson—not as salvation, maybe, but as seed.

Something to plant. Something to grow if they ever got a spring again.

And if that someone asked, if they searched—she’d be there. In the pages, in the math. In the margins, scrawled with her restless handwriting. A woman who had no lab, no colleagues, no safety, but still sat down and thought.

Joel rubbed his thumb over a dent in the metal of the desk. It was humbling, what she was doing. Quiet and unadorned, the way most real things were.

And for the first time, he didn’t feel far from her work. He didn’t feel like it belonged to a world he couldn’t touch. He was somehow a part of it, too.

He exhaled through his nose, scratching the back of his neck. Eleven minutes. Seemed like a small enough thing after everything they'd been through.

He shifted his weight, the old floor creaking under his boots, and his gaze caught on the diploma again—still cradled in Ellie’s hands, the cracked glass catching the faint grey light.

Dr. Leela Miller.

Miller.

His name. His... wife.

He hadn't expected it to hit him like that. The word sitting there plain and heavy, stitched onto her like it had always belonged. The beginning of his other life.

His name stitched there so plainly, so firmly, like it had always been meant to sit against her like that. A jolt went through him—sharp and unexpected—settling low in his gut like a stone thrown into deep water.

He could almost see it, just for a second—clearer than any dream he ever allowed himself to linger on: Leela standing beside him at some clean, sun-warmed courthouse, signing her new name across the marriage license with a little grimace, muttering about how bureaucratic nonsense would outlive them all. Joel, laughing under his breath, taking the pen after her, signing his name next to hers. The flash of a cheap camera. The clap of a judge’s hand on his back. Her grinning face turned up to his, awaiting a congratulatory kiss. And he would make it linger, pressing two, three, four kisses before he murmured against her lips: You alright there, Mrs Miller?

Yes, Joel didn’t feel the press of the world closing in.

He just stood there, hands planted firm on his hips, heart too big for his ribs, and thought, Maybe it ain’t the life I thought I'd have.

When he was young—back before the world cracked open—he thought he understood what a good life was supposed to look like. Steady work. A home. A little backyard for Sarah to tear around in. A dog, one of those loud mutts that drove the neighbours crazy. Bills paid on time. Supper on the table by six. Simple. Straightforward. A line you followed if you kept your head down and your hands busy.

He’d built toward that life once. Brick by brick. Sweat and sacrifice and stubbornness. And he’d watched it all turn to ash in a single night, leaving nothing but the brutal math of survival behind.

Wake up. Choke down rations. Shoot. Kill without a thought. Stay alive. Sleep with one eye open. Repeat.

Hope had been a dangerous thing after that, an unaffordable luxury. Like college.

But standing here now, and Leela hunkered over that blinking screen like she was fighting the universe itself to save what little good was left in it—Joel realised he’d been wrong about what makes a life and what was worth holding onto.

It wasn’t about clean houses or paid-off trucks or picture-perfect little towns.

It was about this.

It was about watching the woman he loved refuse to give up on the world, even when the world had given up on her. It was about Ellie clutching a battered diploma like it was the goddamn Declaration of Independence, blinking out the window like a daydreaming college kid who still believed she’d make it here. It was about Maya somewhere back home, waiting, safe, growing up in a place that hadn’t been paved over by fear.

It was about them.

So, why not... breathe life into that other reality?

Joel shifted slightly, his hand drifting to his pocket—more out of habit than thought. His fingers closed around the small thing he’d stashed there weeks ago, careful not to draw attention to it.

Rolled it between his fingers sometimes, in replacement for the brass button that Maya had bestowed on him—in quiet moments, when no one was looking. Like maybe if he kept turning it long enough, the edges would smooth out, the crack in the band would seal, and time would forget whatever broke it.

It wasn’t much to look at. Just a beat-up old ring he’d pocketed back in Vegas, half-buried in dust beneath a shattered display case. The stone was gone. The band was thin and cracked, barely holding together. Still, he’d kept it. Couldn’t say why at first. Just felt right in his hand—small, broken, stubborn. Reminded him of someone.

Lately, he’d been thinking about what he might do with it. How he could fix it, in his own way. Maybe shave a sliver of intricate wood into the place where the diamond used to be. Not anything fancy, maybe a flower. She liked sunflowers. Just something honest. Pine, maybe—she always smelled like pine sometimes. Or walnut, strong and durable, like him. Something alive, something that wouldn’t shine too bright, but would still catch the amalgam of Leela.

He didn’t know if he’d ever give it to her. Or when. Or if she’d even want it.

Hell, he didn’t even know what he’d say.

But he carried it with hope anyway.

That was the strange part. It wasn’t really the ring that mattered—it was the idea. That someday, there might be room for something like that between them. Not as some big gesture. Not to fix anything. Just to say: this is still yours if you want it. Just to prove he still believed in what could come next.

Maybe sometimes love looked like a broken ring in a calloused hand, waiting for a world soft enough to give it back.

The sharp things—the grief, the anger, the failure—they were still there, rooted deep under his skin like old thorns. They always would be. But for once, Joel could see something else threading through it. A quieter kind of ache. Not the pain of losing, but the ache of wanting.

He wanted the kind of life that didn’t just survive the world’s ending—but stubbornly, stupidly, beautifully outlived it.

He wanted her, and Ellie, and Maya, and every goddamn scraped-together piece of a future he never thought he'd deserve.

And in this dead place, in the flicker of failing light and old dreams burned onto curling paper, Joel believed—just a little—that maybe this had all been for something. After all, maybe they hadn't come all this way just to bury what was lost. Perhaps they were here to carry it forward.

Maybe they were the ones meant to build what came next.

His throat felt tight, but he welcomed it. A man could learn to carry that feeling. He should carry it. Get used to it. All these good things he was doing.

He slipped the ring back into his pocket, careful, like it might bruise. Gave the pocket a small, reassuring pat.

He glanced at Leela, at the way she leaned into the light like a plant aching for the sun, and felt that wild, wordless thing rise again inside him.

Ours, he thought. Not just hers. Not just his.

Ours.

X

The ocean resembled a busted mirror.

Not glittering or big or blue. Just slabs of grey and darker grey, churning slow under the breadth of a sky that didn’t give a damn. The wind came off the water in lazy fits, carrying salt and rot and the memory of heat that had long since packed up and gone.

Wind tugged at what was left of the boardwalk nearby, a few slats still clinging on like they didn’t know how to fall properly. Rusted carnival lights hung in strips. Booths were gutted. A souvenir shack had collapsed into itself, hurling faded postcards and cracked plastic mugs across the ground. He saw a cracked one half-buried in the dune: I Survived Santa Monica Pier. Bit fucking ironic.

The sea had taken it all back. The joy. The noise. The crowds. It felt biblical, in a way. Like the tide was the big guy's long exhale.

Joel stood at the edge of it all—boots half-buried in wet sand, stepping over a tangled snarl of sea-bleached fishing net fibres, arms crossed against the cold that kept slipping under his jacket. The pier beyond was a half-collapsed skeleton, stripped bare, its spine curling out into the surf with broken ribs of wood jutting upward. Boats still rocked gently in the distance—untouched, paint peeling, sails long since devoured by saline winds, hulls soft with barnacles and time. No lights. No squalling. Not even of birds.

Funny. He used to think that if they ever made it to the coast, something would change. That maybe it’d feel like the end of the road—or the start of something. No, this was just another place the world forgot.

Ellie was already out near the waterline, her boots discarded in a heap beside a tide pool. She’d rolled up her jeans and waded ankle-deep into the cold muck, laughing as she scratched her name into the sand with a busted piece of driftwood. She looked so small like that. Innocent. Her shoulders loose, grin so secretive. He didn't get to see that often.

He watched her kneel, tongue poking slightly out in concentration, and for a moment—just a flicker—it wasn’t Ellie crouched in the sand.

It was Sarah.

Not imagined, not hoped. Saw. Not older, not younger—just as she was the day he lost her.

Kneeling beside her, seaweed looped over her wrist like bracelets, giggling about how it was going to get washed away but doing it anyway. He could see her—clearer than anything. Her head of sunlit curls, tossed by the wind. Making a heart out of the seaweed. Lining the letters with broken shells. Elbowing Ellie with that half-teasing grin she used to have, the one that always said, Do not mess this up for me, Dad.

He clenched his jaw. Swallowed hard. Blinked until the double image snapped apart again, rattled the thought loose from his head, and it was just Ellie again, whistling tunelessly, digging up dead coral to decorate her crude scrawl in the sand.

Goddamn, was this what it was going to be now?

Visions. Ghosts. Fantasies of another life. Wishing, wanting. His mind folding over itself. Losing the thread.

Or was it just the many extremities of grief? The accumulation of too many years? Or was this the beginning of something slower and crueller? Alzheimer’s or some shit. Some fucking cordyceps variation they didn’t have a name for yet. Maybe he’d start forgetting the way back to Jackson. Maybe he already had.

He rubbed a hand across his face, dragging grit from his cheek. The salt clung to his stubble, and the ocean made his eyes sting even when the wind didn’t hit them.

A little ways off, Leela sat cross-legged on the sand, her back to the surf, little haphazard strands from her long braid slapping at her cheeks. A neat little pile of small seashells sat beside her, most of them dull with age and wear—but one, a tiny conch, recently vacated by some poor creature that hadn’t made it. It was still freshly pink inside, gleaming, faintly iridescent.

She had a needle gripped between her fingers, her brow furrowed as she carefully worked it through the shell’s spire. Every movement was methodical, like she wasn’t thinking about what she was doing, like it was all buried muscle memory. When she threaded the bit of twine through and tied a knot, she held the shell up between two fingers, inspecting, squinting at it like it was some precious thing instead of beach trash.

“For Maya,” she said quietly, flashing him a smile—small, lopsided, but real.

Joel let out a soft grunt of recognition. Awful lot of jewellery to be taking back to Jackson.

“Cute.”

He remembered that story—the one he hadn’t meant to overhear, but things stuck. Something about her old life, before Jackson, before her parents, before a child of her own. How she used to make little shell necklaces just like that one and sell them to dumb tourists along the coast back in her hometown. Overpriced junk, she’d said. That weird, lonely kind of pride people have when they remember who they used to be.

Maybe this was her way of passing it on. A sliver of childhood she could carve off and give to Maya. A small thing that said I was here. I was whole once.

He took a step closer, boots sinking into the sand, hands in his jacket pockets. “Still remember how to rip folks off, huh?”

She glanced up at him, just barely. “Who says this one’s not priceless?”

Joel smirked. “Better be. Our baby girl’s got high standards.”

That got a laugh. A real one—small, scratchy, but it cracked the stillness in a way nothing else had all day. Leela shook her head, still smiling, eyes on the necklace, watching the shell sway from its string.

A beat passed. Wind was threading through the bare bones of the city. Maybe this place had once been paradise. Joel didn’t know. All he saw now was wreckage. Absence. A ghost town choking on salt.

Behind them, far away, Ellie whooped, triumphant. “I told you, little bastard! Joel, look, that’s a motherfucking crab!”

Joel glanced over. She was crouched in the wet sand, a long stick in one hand, something small and wriggling and furious in the other. Her sleeves were shoved to her elbows, knees soaked through, hair wild in the wind. She grinned like she was twelve again. Like the world hadn’t burned down.

Another shriek from Ellie. “Holy shit—there’s more of them! A whole Jackson community!”

“Well, don’t just play with ’em. Grab a few. Might be good eatin’.”

Ellie wrinkled her nose, poking one with the tip of her stick. “Eat this? Dude, it’s got, like—claws. And it’s hard as shit.”

“That’s how you know it’s good,” Joel called back, deadpan. “Hard shell means there’s somethin’ sweet inside.”

Ellie gave him a look. “Oh, hear, hear—Wordsworth over here.”

Joel chuckled, shaking his head. “Just get a few, kiddo. We’ll see what we can do.”

“Fine,” she muttered. “But if it kills me, I’m haunting your lying ass.”

Then she dropped the crab anyway, watched it scuttle sideways into the surf with all the drama of a jail break, and burst out laughing—real, unguarded. Her laugh rippled across the beach like it didn’t know how rare it was. Like it didn’t think it was a goddamn miracle.

Joel turned back to Leela. His voice dropped, not meaning to get soft but unable to help it.

“So, is this what you pictured?”

He didn’t say the beach. He didn’t mean California. Didn’t mean the long road behind them—full of blood and breath and quiet, feral hope. Didn’t even mean the life they’d clawed together with broken fingernails and dogged luck.

Leela didn’t answer right away. She just looked out toward the horizon, the sharp line where grey sea met grey skies. Where the world used to open up into possibility, into summer vacations and shipping routes and postcards with skipping dolphins. Now it looked more like an ending. A sentence with no period.

Then she shook her head, just once. “Not even close.”

But she was still holding the shell in her hand. Still tying another knot in the twine. Still smiling, just barely. And somehow, that answer—quiet, and unfinished—was more honest than anything else she could’ve said.

Joel sat down beside her, his knees cracking like firewood. The cold bled through the seat of his jeans, but he didn’t flinch. Just sat. Facing the water.

Leela didn’t.

She was turned slightly away, angled toward the sand, toward the ground, like she’d taken some quiet oath never to look at the sea again. As if it had taken something and she wouldn’t give it the satisfaction of her eyes.

Joel laid his hand over hers, careful.

She stilled.

His palm was unpolished against hers, but he could still feel the tiny shape of the shell necklace beneath it. Warm from her skin. Light as a breath.

“Joel.”

Before she could ask him to get the fuck off her, he said, “Look, I just—”

“What do you think Maya’s going to be when she grows up?”

Leela’s voice was soft, half-swallowed by the sea wind. Not wistful, not dreamy. Just plain and curious, like she was asking about the tide.

Joel didn’t answer right away. His eyes slid back on the water—on the slow, thick roll of it, the lazy collapse of each wave as it dragged itself onto the sand. This landed hard—not because it was tragic, but because it was so normal.

And yet that question hung there. He rubbed his jaw in deep thought. That wasn’t a question people dared to ask anymore, not seriously.

Honey, what do you want to be when you grow up?

He'd asked Sarah that plenty of times. And her answer had been no-bullshit: a rockstar. He used to joke to her about it, how maybe she'd take her old man backstage one day and sign T-shirts with her primped face on it.

The world was too fucked-up now, no rulebook to follow. See, back in the old world, kids had answers ready. Doctor. Firefighter. Astronaut. Singer. Shit like that. You dreamed, you planned. You had options. Only now, the world didn’t want anything from its kids but survival. To grow up at all was a feat. To grow up and become something? That felt like a pipe dream.

Joel breathed out through his nose. He shifted in the sand, elbows on his knees, shoulders hunched against the wind.

“I dunno,” he said finally. “Ain’t somethin’ I let myself think about too much. We used to imagine the future. Now we’re just glad to get through the day.”

Leela said nothing. Just waited, steady, patient, the way she always did when she knew he wasn’t finished.

A bitter little smile curled the corner of his mouth. “Baby girl’d probably be a scavenger. Some real slick trader. Hustler like her mama used to be.”

Leela huffed softly.

“Maybe a sharpshooter,” Joel added. “Takes after Ellie. Bossy as hell.”

That made her laugh again—just a little. Joel felt it in his chest like the thinnest crack of sun through stormcloud.

He kept talking, quieter now. “Could be she ends up one of those quiet ones. People listen when she speaks. Not ‘cause she’s loud—but ‘cause she means her shit. Maybe that makes her a leader. Or a target.”

He hated that last part. But it was true.

The truth was—he didn’t really care what Maya became. He just wanted her to have the space to choose between gentleness and survival. To live long, safe, and full enough to even ask that question. And he hated the world for making him think all this shit.

“And maybe she’s just alive long enough for it to matter,” he finished. “It’s enough for me.”

Leela’s fingers paused at the shell’s knot.

Joel looked over at her, and she still wasn’t looking at the sea. Her face was turned away a little, but her eyes were distant—thinking hard, probably thinking too much.

“Does it scare you?” he asked.

She blinked slowly. “What does?”

“The future,” he stated. “What she might become.”

Leela was quiet for a long time. She pulled the twine taut, tied another knot. Maybe the third one in the same place.

Then she nodded, but it wasn’t sharp. As if something she’d carried for years, only just now saying out loud.

“I just can’t have Maya become like me, Joel,” she said.

Joel didn’t say anything because he knew what she meant. And she was fucking right.

Not just Leela's impossible intellect that she carried like a blade. Not Joel's desiccating anger. Not the endless spinning logic or the obsessive calculations that had driven her across the country in a haze of grief and purpose. Not the math or the memory or the way she could see ten steps ahead while the rest of them were still tripping over the first one.

No—she meant the burden. The self-blame. The detachment. The constant need to understand everything instead of just feeling it. The survival that looked like a function but was really just a retreat.

The way Joel disconnected. The guilt that never left. The way he didn’t flinch at corpses anymore because somewhere along the way, his empathy had learned to ration itself. The way he lived in his head because that was the only place he could guarantee no one would hurt him.

And because of all the ways they taught themselves to cope—none of them were life. They were pauses. Contractions. Damage control.

She sighed. “I thought I wanted that. I did. But after everything back there…”

She nodded toward the road that led back to the university. Toward where she'd left her hopes and regrets. A whole piece of her past.

“I realised that…” She tapped her temple, fingers light, like she was knocking on the side of something hollow. “She doesn’t need this.”

He didn’t press or fill the space like he normally would with some muttered acknowledgement, because this wasn’t a moment for patch jobs.

“This saved me,” she murmured. “The logic. The focus. It’s how I kept going after—after what happened. If I could just understand enough… if I could predict things, calculate the worst-case scenario, I could keep her safe.”

Her voice tightened. Just a bit. Joel heard it.

“She deserves more than that.”

Joel’s throat was dry. He swallowed hard, barely managing. “And now?”

Leela let out a long breath. Not weary. Just… stripped bare.

“Now I just want her to scream,” Leela said. “To run fast. To fall hard. To be loud, and wrong, and stupid—and free. I want her to feel so much that she doesn’t know where to put it. I want her to hit back, punch hard, when someone corners her. Not stand there frozen, plotting some clever escape like that’s gonna save her.”

Joel’s eyes flicked toward her.

She wasn’t looking at him. Still had her gaze fixed on the necklace in her lap, the shell swinging gently as she tied and re-tied the same knot like it was muscle memory. Like if she stopped moving, she’d splinter.

And goddamn.

That’s when it landed. What she was really saying.

He’d seen people go quiet in the worst moments of their lives—seen them freeze, let it happen, disappear behind their own eyes. Not because they were weak, but because someone, somewhere, had taught them that silence was safer than screaming. That survival meant outthinking, not resisting. That pain was something to calculate your way around.

Leela had been that sort of survivor.

“I couldn’t even save myself,” she said, bitter, flat, after a beat.

The fuck kind of thing was that to say? Making it seem like it just made sense?

Joel’s fingers tightened gently around hers, unable to unclench his jaw. “That ain’t your fault,” he reassured to an extent, teeth gritting. “You sayin’ that like it was your choice.”

She said nothing. But the silence was answer enough. And Joel couldn’t sit with that.

“I don’t give a damn what you think you didn’t do,” he muttered, heat rising in his throat like bile. “Someone took... somethin’. They did that. You think being smart, or planning a way out—fuckin’ hell—none of that would’ve mattered.”

She shook her head once. Not in argument—just acknowledgement. “No. But it still happened. And I did nothing.”

Then, finally, she looked at him.

There was no shame in her eyes. Just a brutal clarity. The kind that only came from staring something dead in the face for years and deciding to live anyway.

“I know what I am, Joel. I know what it took to survive. I know what it turned me into. And I don’t want that for her.”

Joel didn’t speak right away. There was nothing to fix. Nothing to deny. He understood her too well for that. She wasn’t afraid Maya wouldn’t make it.

She was afraid Maya would—by becoming someone like her.

“Baby, she’s gonna carry us,” he said, a promise in his voice. “But she ain’t gonna be us.”

Then he reached out, covered her hand with his—rough skin on hers, grounding her.

“She’s got us, Leela,” he added, more quietly.

And he meant every word. He knew what it was to survive through retreat. To mistake numbness for control. To wear grief like armour and call it strength.

Leela didn’t flinch. But she didn’t smile either. Her face softened—like she wanted to believe him, that she was someone worth having.

“I hope so,” she said.

They sat there a while longer, the tide crawling up toward their boots whilst Ellie shouted at them about a jellyfish. Joel felt the sting in his joints when the winds picked up, faster, saltier, sharper.

He looked down at the shell again, their hands twined around it. Small. Pink. Still shining faintly inside. Something you’d pick up on a beach day with a little girl who didn’t know the world yet.

They couldn’t offer Maya that clean world they had lived in. But they could hand her a few pieces worth carrying. And she’d figure out what to build.

For one brief moment, he let himself believe his baby girl would have the chance to answer that question one day—for real.

What do you want to be when you grow up, Maya?

X

The fire had sunk lower to the forest floor, just embers now, red, pulsing like a heartbeat under ash. Shadows lean long against the trees. Night smells like salt and old leaves, smoke in cloth, and distant sea. Boots scuffed quietly on dirt. The silence that only came late, when everyone else was asleep, or pretending to be.

“Can’t sleep either?”

“No.”

“You okay?”

“Just thinking.”

“Night too loud? I've got headphones.”

A pause. Then: “Thanks... I'm missing home.”

“Oh. Me, too..”

“Hm. It's the longest I've been away from it.”

Another pause. “Yeah?”

“I keep wondering if I’d feel different if I got back. Things just magically change.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Fabric creaks. One of them tugs their sleeves down.

“Still mad at him?”

Pause.

“…He just left. You saw how bad it got.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“And he didn’t tell me a word about the Fireflies. Or Caltech.”

“He thought he was protecting you. You know how he is.”

“That’s the problem.”

Another pause. “He said nothing. Just packed up and left. Like I’d only get in the way.”

“I know.”

“You think I meant it?”

“You sounded like you did.”

“I think I did, too. Then. I was just... so angry.”

“But now?”

A defeated sigh. “I don’t know.”

A beat.

“Maya watches the world like he does, too. I noticed.”

“She does that because she learns from him. You can’t raise a kid halfway in, halfway out. You can’t teach them to trust and then disappear when it counts.”

“Yeah, but—” Someone exhales sharply. Tosses a pebble into the fire pit. It hisses. “He came back, didn’t he?”

“Only because we followed him.”

“He came back because he’s never gonna stop coming back. That’s the whole point of him.”

Silence. A reckoning in the dark.

“You know what he told me once?”

“What?”

“He said—he didn’t think people like us got second chances. That we ruin too much. And still, every time he looks at Maya, it’s like he believes she’s the one thing he didn’t fuck up.”

Silence.

“He loves her more than he knows how to say. But he shows it. In everything. That’s the closest someone like him gets to a promise.”

“…he still left.”

“I didn't say he's good at it. He's a goddamn dick. And he was wrong.”

The voice is calm, blunt. Not trying to win. Just telling it as it was.

“But so were you. Saying you’d take her. Like she’s a thing you can lift out of him.”

Quiet again. Then: “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.”

“I just—she’s all I have. Everything good in me went to her. I had to follow him, and I have to keep her safe. Where do I win?”

“Jesus, she is safe.”

“No, I mean... he’ll break her heart someday, I know it.”

“Fuck no. Never Joel.”

“Hmph. You sound sure.”

“He didn’t break me. And the world gave him every reason to.”

Silence again. A longer moment, this time.

“Maya asks about you when you’re not there, right? She misses you. She asks for you. But when Joel’s gone? She watches the door. She won't leave it. That’s the difference.”

A breath.

“You take her away, and you’ll still have her. But she’ll never stop watching that door.”

Then the fire popped. A shift of posture. The brush of hair against cloth.

“He didn’t get to do all that before, you know. The whole marriage and two-parent household thing. Not with…”

Another breath.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Mm-hm.”

“And you’re still thinking about kicking his ass out.”

A creaking silence.

“I’m not good at staying.”

“Me neither.”

“Then why do you?”

A small sound. Could be a laugh or a sigh. “Because he’s good at making me think I can. I’ve seen what that man does when he loves someone.”

“Doesn’t that scare you?”

“No.”

A beat. “It really should.”

“I guess that’s the difference. I'm not scared of him. Not like you are.”

“I'm not scared of Joel.”

“Bite me.”

“It’s more about what he’d give up. For us. For her. What it would turn him into.”

“A dead man.”

No response. But from the dark—

“You think you’re protecting him?”

“I think I’m trying to keep us all breathing.”

“Well. That’s one stupid way to live.”

A rustle. Someone folding their arms. “Do you hate me?”

“What?”

“For saying all this. For thinking it.”

“Of course not. If anything, it makes you more real to me.”

“…But?”

“But if you take her from him—really take her—it’ll kill him.”

“I’m not trying to hurt him.”

The silence after that settles deeper. One of them pokes at the embers with a stick, ash dancing up like fireflies.

Then, softer: “I know. That’s why it would.”

X

As if into the mouth of some ancient beast, the Jackson gates shut behind them with a final clank, steel locking steel, rusting, slow, a reluctant welcome, and for a second, it sounded like a cell door closing.

Joel walked under the shadow of it and didn’t say a word.

The sun hung low on the horizon, flooding the snow-melted streets of Jackson with a weary saffron. Familiar smells maundered through the air—woodsmoke, cattle, hay, pine needles thawing on the wind. There was boisterous laughter somewhere. Hammers. And it all felt just close enough to touch, but not quite real. Like something playing behind a looking glass.

He was back.

Somehow, again, he was still standing. Luck—or stubbornness, someone up there still not ready to let him rest—was still with him. He’d gone to California half-dead and half-stupid, and still made it out. And more than that—they had come for him. Ellie. Leela. They’d followed. Chosen to come after him.

Because he was worth saving. Because someone out there still cared if he lived or died.

That part stuck like a splinter in his chest.

He barely had time to register the weight of it before Tommy was on him, hauling him into a rib-crushing hug, laughing through a wet voice.

“Goddamn, you tough bastard. You just don’t die, huh?”

“Too much to live for, baby brother.”

Joel didn’t hug back. Not at first. Then he did—hands slow, uncooperative, gripping Tommy’s shoulders like he had to feel the bones to believe this was real.

Joel pulled back from Tommy’s grip like he’d just come up for air.

The noise of Jackson started to creep back in—the call of someone on a ladder, boots on pavement, a dog yapping in the distance. All the moving pieces of life.

He turned to his brother, voice low. “Maya?”

Tommy smiled, but it was tight around the edges.

“She’s doin’ just fine,” he said. “Caught the sniffles crying her eyes out, but she’s fine.”

Joel stiffened. “She sick?”

“I said she’s fine, Joel,” Tommy said, firmer this time. “She… she just missed her daddy, is all.”

Joel looked away.

Of course she did. And he hadn’t been there. Not for her fever. Not for the nights she cried herself hoarse. Not for the mornings when she didn’t understand why he hadn’t come back. He’d walked out with nothing but a note and the ghost of an apology, like that would hold up in a house full of silence.

They passed through the main square, Joel’s boots heavy on the stone. It all looked the same; that was what struck him most. The tedium. The cruel, gutting way the world carried on like nothing had changed. Like he hadn’t nearly drowned. Like Ellie hadn’t pulled him back from the brink. Like Leela hadn’t followed him into hell and back.

Like Maya hadn’t cried herself sick.

Then, they turned the corner. And there it was.

The big, white house.

For a moment, Joel took it in. How much he missed this place.

Its porch was half-shadowed, steps dusted with snow. The gate creaked in the wind. He used to hear it from the bedroom. Used to fix it every two weeks, he could never find the right hinges. Used to—

He swallowed.

It used to be a shape in the distance. Something he’d catch through the branches of the old oak tree on mornings, sitting like a clean dream against the sky. Back then, it was just a house. Then it was her house. Then his. A home that was anchored in history and laughter, and Leela’s quiet hum as she flipped a page in her notebook. Full of Maya’s shrieks, toy horses skittering across the floor, her squeaky boots thumping against the wood.

Now, it just looked... tall. Unreachable. Like he’d have to climb back up the whole goddamn mountain to get inside again.

He had left something whole and returned to find it grown in his absence, evolved without him—carved deeper, tighter, stronger. Or maybe that was just him. His fear of losing.

Tommy called out, “Maria’s up ahead—she brought baby girl down the block to get some fresh air. Cranky all goddamn morning. She won't listen to anyone unless it's me.”

“Why's that?”

He sighed. “Guess I remind her of her old man.”

Jesus Christ, this was going to hurt like a bitch.

Joel’s head lifted.

And then he saw her.

A small figure on the porch.

Standing just like she used to, on the top step—like she always did when she waited for him after patrol. One mittened hand resting on the railing, the other clutching that old stuffed horse, ears chewed and fur matted from love.

She was watching the path. Waiting. Lips trembling like her whole world had been breaking every hour they were gone.

His feet wouldn’t move.

Her curls were a little softer now, matted, darker. Her coat was buttoned crooked, boots mismatched, nose splotchy from a recovering fever and maybe something else—like she knew something was coming. Some part of her did.

He took a half-step forward and stopped himself.

Then—

“Mama!”

The word left her like a crack splitting open. Her eyes widened. Her whole body leaned forward as if pulled. Arms out. Little hands grabbing at the air.

“Mama, mama—ha—come—Mama—”

It was the kind of sound only babies could make. Too raw to fake, too loud for their size.

And she teetered on the step, wailing.

Not to him. Not even a glance.

Just attempting to barrel forward to her mother, stubby legs churning, the toy horse flopping from her hand.

Joel felt it like a bullet.

Every effort she took—away from him, toward Leela—landed heavy in his gut. It was instinct. Pure. Unforgiving. She had learned that when someone disappears, you hold tighter to the one who doesn’t. The one who stayed.

Joel barely noticed Leela rush past him, knees bending, a ghost trying to reassemble a body—and didn’t even register the blur of movement until she was halfway to the porch, arms already outstretched. Her eyes were wet but unshed, her mouth twitching like she was keeping herself stitched shut by force.

Maya crashed into her, as if her mother made her real.

“Mama, Mama…”

No trembling. No collapse.

And the sound she made then—Joel had never heard it before. Not from her. Not from any baby. It was half-relief, half-fury, all heartbreak. Like something in her had cracked wide open from the waiting.

He staggered, stopped walking altogether.

Leela lifted her, spreading kisses on her cheeks, nose and hair, rocking her like she was trying to put every second of the last few days back inside her arms. Maya’s sobs were hiccuping now, her face buried in Leela’s neck, her whole body trembling.

She pulled Maya in like she meant to disappear with her. Pressed her face into her curls, kissed the top of her head and closed her eyes like that was where all the warmth lived now, shushed her with slow, circular bounces, murmuring nonsense in that gentle, rhythmic tone only mothers had.

“It’s okay, Maya. Shh, Mama’s here now. Mama’s here.”

While Joel stood frozen on the road.

He didn’t know when his hand had clenched into a fist or when his breath had left him.

He didn’t feel anger. Not at Leela. Not even to himself. It was something deeper. Older. Like watching a life he’d dreamed of grow old without him. A desolation.

And Maya—was still crying. Still hiccupping. Her fists balled into Leela’s coat. She hadn’t even looked at him. Or maybe she had, but didn’t know what she was looking for.

He wanted to step closer. Just one more step. Reach out. Soothe her. Say something. But his feet might as well have been nailed to the frozen earth.

He had nothing in his hands. Not even the strength to say her name.

Ellie moved up beside Leela, brushing Maya’s curls back from her sticky, tear-wet face. She said something. Leela nodded. And they all began to walk up the porch steps together.

Joel didn’t follow. Not yet.

He just watched.

Watched how tightly Leela held their daughter. Watched Ellie glance back at him once, her face unreadable, before she jogged past him and followed Maria and Tommy down the road, and away.

Watched his whole life move ahead of him, step by step, without turning around.

Leela’s arms were tight around Maya’s little body, the baby’s sobs quieter now but still hiccupping against her mother’s shoulder.

All he knew was that he’d left all of this behind with nothing but a note and a mission and the idea that maybe, just maybe, he could do something that mattered. Maybe he could fix something.

He eventually trailed behind them like a ghost.

They reached the porch. Leela didn’t pause. Just hitched Maya higher on her hip, the little girl whimpering against her shoulder, and stepped inside.

Maya twisted as they crossed the threshold, her arms flailing, her cries rising in volume. A shrill pleading screech.

“Da-da! Come, come!”

“Maya,” Leela tried to shush.

“No, no! Da-da, pease!”

Her voice punched through him, sharp and high and raw.

“Da-da-da-da—...”

The door closed with a soft, final click. Over.

Somewhere inside, the baby girl's cries still carried over in fresh pricks at his pummeled heart.

Joel stood there, one foot still planted on the step below, like a man halfway to salvation and halfway to hell. He hadn’t moved. His hand—useless at his side—twitched, searching for something it had forgotten how to reach.

The latch echoed louder than any gunshot he’d heard these past weeks.

He stared at the wood grain of the door, the same one he'd walked through a hundred times before, and now couldn’t seem to approach. A stupid part of him still thought maybe it’d open again. That she’d come back, that she’d say—something. Let him hold Maya just once.

But the house stayed still.

So Joel sat. Dropped like a felled thing onto the top step, legs spreading, elbows propped on his knees, fingers pressed to his lips. Because where else did he have to go?

He stared at the dirt packed under the railings, at the porch slats he’d helped mend last summer. He wasn’t sure he had the right to look at any of this anymore.

It hurt to breathe. Not from the bruised ribs or the deep-healing wound in his side. The knowing. The understanding that he’d done this. The rot. The shame. The guilt. The want to fight Leela, argue, and bash against the door.

And when he rubbed a hand over his face, he felt it—wet.

Tears. Real fucking ones.

He stared down at the shine on his fingertips like it was a new language he didn’t speak.

Crying. Goddamn. So he was still capable of that.

After all this time. After the blood. After the fear. After the killing.

It wasn’t the pain of the trip. Not the near-drowning, not the way his ribs still clicked when he breathed too deep. Not even the damage done to Leela’s precious math notebook, still folded at the bottom of his pack like a prayer he couldn’t read.

It was this silence that used to be his favourite harmony. This porch. This big white house across the street, standing like a lighthouse in the middle of the Wyoming snow.

His big, white house.

Or maybe it never had been his. Maybe he’d only been borrowing this life. A thief in someone else’s dream.

In this big dream, he might not be welcome anymore. He’d left thinking he could prove something. That there was still good he could do. That it mattered if he bled for it. That the sacrifice would mean some shit when he brought it back.

Only now—he was just a man sitting on the porch, hands empty, spine bent like a penitent.

He was still the loser. Always had been, hadn't he? A man who couldn't hold onto what mattered, even when it was pressed into his hands. Slipping through his callused fingers, sand in an hourglass.

“Da-da.”

A tiny voice. Raw. Exhausted from crying.

He blinked. Looked down.

Two tiny fists rested against his knee, barely covering them.

She stood there—his baby girl—in her yellow footie pyjamas, curls plastered to her forehead with sweat and tears, her cheeks flushed and snotty, a fist now halfway to her mouth. A warrior, somehow. She looked like she'd marched out here on stubbornness alone.

“Up, up, Da-da,” she said, her voice barely more than a breath, lips rounded to an 'O'.

He didn’t move. His hands stayed clenched on his knees, like he wasn’t sure if they were still allowed to touch her.

He just looked at her—like he was seeing a miracle and wasn’t sure he deserved to touch it. This small miracle with her tangled hair and her crooked little mouth, trying to be brave. Her big brown eyes stared straight through him, full of a deep, solemn thing children shouldn’t carry but sometimes did.

Maya wobbled slightly, off balance, still reaching. Her coat sleeve bunched at the elbow, her fingers finding a fold of his jacket and tugging. It wasn’t strong. It wasn’t a demand. Just a little pull. A tiny act of faith.

“Pease, da-da.”

That was it.

That was all it took.

He broke. Open like a thundercloud. A dam giving way after too many winters.

No big sound. No shudder. Just a quiet, helpless noise from the back of his throat, a beam giving out in a storm, as he leaned forward, reached for her with hands that shook, that had pulled triggers and choked men and now dared to try and lift someone so little and innocent. Someone still his.

He drew her in like she was the only warmth left in the world.

She wrapped her arms around him, little boots stomping onto his ribs, one arm locked around his neck, her fingers fisting the collar of his shirt, and burrowed in like she’d never left him. Like there’d been no time apart. Like he hadn’t abandoned her.

She just clung. The way babies always do. She didn’t care about the mess. Her dainty love hadn’t learned conditions yet.

His throat narrowed, his chest hitched once, sharp—then again, then again. He dropped his face into the crook of her neck and let it come, loosening that lock in him that had been latched since Sarah died. The kind of crying that doesn’t make sound, that just happens. Tears soaking into the fabric of her coat, into her hair, into his beard. He breathed her in like it might fix something, might make him whole.

“I got you, baby girl,” he sniffed.

She smelled like cinnamon. Like sleep. Like their kitchen in the mornings when Leela was fresh from her shower, Maya would toddle in and reach for a bite of breakfast with both hands.

She smelled like everything he’d fought for. Everything he might’ve lost.

Maya leaned back slowly, the softest untangling of her arms, her tiny body still half-draped over his chest. She blinked at him, her brows drawn close in a look far too serious for her little face. Her mouth tugged slightly downward, curious and concerned all at once.

Joel tried to smile for her. Tried to smooth his face. “I'm okay, it's okay.”

But she saw it anyway. The tears, still clinging to his lashes, streaked into his beard.

She stared, her little hand floating uncertainly in the air between them, fingers flexing like she knew there was something she was supposed to do but wasn’t quite sure how.

Then—clumsily, earnestly—she reached up and touched him, just one little hand against his cheek.

Joel looked from her eyes to her palm.

So small, it barely registered, but he felt the gentle tap, the warm pressure. He felt her try to wipe it—like she’d seen done before—dragging her palm across his stubble, awkward, too hard, leaving a streak of baby drool behind.

She sniffed. Then tried again, this time gentler. The way her mama would do it.

“Mm-mm, no,” she told him.

And then—her other hand went to his hair.

A soft, patting motion. Adorable, pure toddler comfort. No finesse, no words.

She looked at him like she was waiting for him to stop crying. Like she believed he could. That he should. Because Mama always did, when she wiped Maya’s tears. Because after the tears came warm arms. And sometimes applesauce.

Joel let out a sound that wasn’t a laugh, wasn’t a sob—just breath. Cracked, quiet. “You takin' care of me?”

His hand cupped the back of her head. His forehead rested against hers, their noses nearly touching. Her fingers were still in his hair.

“Da-da, no, no,” she resonated.

Joel’s heart clenched again—but differently this time. More like remembering what it was for. Beating for her. Alive for this.

He kissed her temple, the warmth of her skin soaking through his bones.

For a moment, the world held still.

No howling wind. No boots on snow. No years of silence pressing down between now and what he’d lost. Just this: the tiny weight of her heart against his chest. Her trust, folded into his jacket like a brass button or her mama's ring in his pocket.

The floorboard behind him creaked.

Joel didn’t lift his head. He felt her before he saw her. The air changed when Leela entered a space—like some internal pressure recalibrated. Softer, but tighter. She didn’t take up more room than she needed, never had. But somehow, her presence always rearranged it.

She stepped to the railing beside him and leaned, arms resting along the wood. The porch light behind her cast a low, golden ring along her dark, frizzed-out hair on her shoulders. The fire inside flickered behind the curtains.

She said nothing at first. Just looked at him. Looked at them.

Like she was trying to map it out—this man, this child, this picture she couldn’t quite trust yet, this picture that didn’t match the one she’d carried around for too long—of absence, of damage, of a man who left too much behind.

Joel didn’t look at her straight on. His eyes stayed on the horizon past the railing, that dim stretch of pine and powder blue, mountains against the dusk that bled into dark. He could feel her gaze, though. The questions in it. The ache. The absence they were both pretending didn’t sit between them like a third body.

“Joel,” she murmured, the first ripple on still water.

He swallowed. His arms tightened almost instinctively around Maya, who shifted with a faint hum, fist tucked against her mouth once more.

“Just let me hold her for a bit,” he said. It came out low, like an apology, or a prayer through gritted teeth.

A breath passed. Then, quietly—

“You can hold her as long as you want.”

He finally looked at her. Her face was turned to the dark, but he could see the fine edge of exhaustion there. Not the kind that came from no sleep—but from too many nights spent enduring what no one saw.

Her voice was softer when she added, “Do you want to shower first?”

Joel blinked, the words hitting him sideways. What a normal fucking thing to say. So regular.

His mind fumbled with it—like she'd offered him a cup of coffee in a warzone. Like there hadn’t been a canyon gaping between them only days ago, carved out by silence and anger and too many things said too late.

The absurdity of it almost made him laugh. Almost. But the sound got stuck somewhere in his throat, tangled with something older and harder.

The wind stirred again, tugging at the hem of her sweater. She didn’t smooth it down. Just let it flutter around her thighs like she didn’t feel the cold.

“Leela,” he said, low, worn, like gravel under tired boots.

She didn’t look at him. Didn’t speak right away. Just leaned a little further into the porch railing, her fingers curled loose around the wood. Shoulders rising. Falling.

Quieter this time—less like she believed it, more like she needed to—“Come inside, Joel.”

Not an invitation. Not a plea. Just something said because it had to be. Like muscle memory. Like faith said out loud.

“You don’t belong anywhere else.” A beat. Then, “And it’s cold outside.”

Joel looked down at the little girl in his arms. Maya’s cheek was pressed to his chest, her lips parted, her breath warm through his shirt. Her small hand clung to the collar of his jacket like she thought he might still disappear if she let go.

He felt it again—his daughter. His reminder. His consequence.

She came to me, he thought. She still comes to me.

Even now. After everything.

He shifted his weight and rose, careful not to jostle Maya. His knees ached. That old pain in his spine flared, but he barely felt it. She was heavier than he remembered. That, too, was a gift.

Across from him, Leela didn’t move. She didn’t offer him a hand. Didn’t clear the way. But she didn’t block it, either.

The door behind her stayed open.

Oh, here they were again.

Same porch. Same house. Same damn man, more or less.

But different. He wasn’t pounding on the door this time. Wasn’t driven half-mad by a baby that wouldn’t stop crying. He wasn’t walking in blind and bitter and ready to do a good thing just to silence a bad one.

Now he carried that baby in his arms. His baby. His girl.

And Leela—she was the one with the door now. Not just the one behind him. The one she kept closed for years, locked and latched and bolted from the inside, because too many people had barged through without asking.

Joel stepped forward.

Not past her. Not through her. To her.

The space between them was close. Intimate. He stopped just short of touching her, close enough to feel her breath ghosting warm in the cold.

She turned her head, finally. Just enough to see him.

Their eyes met. A half-second. A heartbeat.

There was no forgiveness in that look. Only recognition. And maybe—God help them both—want. A bit of love. Still there, under the rubble and the ruin.

He didn’t say, Thank you. Couldn’t. Didn’t think they’d be enough if he did. And she didn’t say, Welcome home.

When he stepped through the door beside her, the warmth met him like a memory.

As he crossed the threshold, this time he came to carry it all. To be part of it.

Maya stirred in his arms, murmuring something soft and wordless. Her thumb found her mouth again. Her head dropped against his shoulder like she knew this place of hers. Like her little body remembered what his mind kept trying to forget.

Joel blinked hard, the air in his lungs thick.

It was the same spot he’d once stood when he almost didn’t come back. When he’d looked at Leela in that doorway and thought about forgetting this ever happened.

Now she stood just behind him. A quiet key turning in an old, rusted lock.

And he thought: This is how it happens. Not with a grand gesture. Not with a reckoning or a flood of apologies. Not with big dreams of another life coming crashing down.

But like this.

A door not closed in anger. A man not barging in. A home not yet reclaimed, but not lost either.

Step by step. Word by word. Warmth bleeding slowly into cold skin.

Not a finish line or a full repair.

A place to start again.

One last time.

X

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“”

[sweetbans29]

Teach Me: The Art of Touching (v) - PB

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Previous Part & Next Part

Summary: You and Paige have been best friends for the last 6 years. You trust her completely. And it is because of that trust that you ask her a rather forward question. AKA - You ask Paige to teach you.

Warnings: mature, tiny pains, did I mention mature?

Word Count: 3.6k

Sweetbans Masterlist & Teach Me Masterlist

AN: Another one.

Paige enters your shared apartment to the kitchen light on. You always left it on when Paige was out later than you so she wouldn't have to walk into a dark apartment. The light wasn't the first thing she noticed - it was the fact that your bedroom door was closed. You would never close your bedroom door all the way.

Paige walks up to your door and gives it a light knock then places her ear up to it waiting for a response. When she doesn't hear anything she cracks open the door to find you already asleep.

She walks up to you and crouches down next to you. The sight of you causes her heart to break.

Yes, you are asleep but your eyes are puffy and your eyebrows are scrunched. You are wearing one of your own sweatshirts when you would typically wear one of hers. Paige moves her leg and notices a pile of tissues on the ground.

She doesn't know the whole reason for you ending up in this state but she had an idea that she was the cause. Her hand comes up to graze your face and your expression immediately releases its tension.

Paige moves to lay with you in bed, her arm comes around you which causes you to stir. You turn around to face her and her arm retreats from around you. Paige brings her hand up to touch your face but you flinch away.

"Please don't," you say almost inaudible. You look down at her shirt and feel the knot in your stomach tighten. She is still in the clothes she wore to the club.

Paige has felt low before but never as low as now when you ask her not to touch you. She doesn't know what to do to make the situation any better.

"It might be better if you slept in your room tonight." You say not making eye contact with her.

Her heart breaks when you say you don't want to sleep next to you but she doesn't move.

"No," Paige says.

You now make eye contact with her for the first time and she can see how puffy your eyes are. They are bloodshot and drained of life. They close.

"B, please," you say not wanting to fight with her but also not wanting to spend the night next to her after she just got off with someone else.

Paige wants to scream and fight your ask but already seeing the pain in your eyes fights against it. She wants you to explain everything that is going on inside your head. She wants to get to the bottom of the frustration and then fall asleep with you in her arms.

Paige looks at you once more and slowly makes her way out of your bed. She makes her way out of your room. As she is closing the door, she barely hears your final words - part of her believes she made it up in her head.

"Love you," you whispered as the door closed.

Paige wakes up the next morning to the wonderful smell of breakfast. She lazily walks out of her room to find you dancing around the kitchen. She yawns and makes her way to see what you are making. Sleep was not her friend last night.

"Morning B!" You say when you see her. "I made you breakfast."

Paige is trying to hide her confusion as you are a completely different person than you were last night.

Paige comes and stands at the counter as you pass her a plate.

"I thought we could run some errands this morning then have the girls come over later to hang. I'm thinking about trying a new recipe that I found on Pinterest." You say as you pick up your phone to try and find it.

Paige nods, trying not to be skeptical about how normal things feel. She replays the events from the night after she came home and still feels a pain in her heart when she remembers you didn't want her to touch you.

"I'm going to get ready - you should do the same when you are done eating and we can go." You say and head into your room.

The two of you have a very normal morning - you dragged Paige to Target and then the grocery store. You stopped at your favorite coffee shop and then headed home. By the time you got home, you had to start cooking. While you did Paige went to get room to game for a little while until the girls showed up.

"It smells amazing in here!" Nika yells as she runs to see what you are making in the kitchen. Paige makes her way out and immediately locks eyes with Azzi.

Paige just shrugs and makes her way to the group.

"Okay, it should be ready - I can't promise anything so if you don't like it, it's not my fault." You say and start passing out paper plates.

"I am sure it is amazing, thanks for having us," Azzi says and serves herself.

Everyone eats and then finds themselves in your living room. You and Paige are on the couch while some of the girls are on a live. You can tell Paige is struggling to stay up but doesn't like to miss out when the girls are over. She is scrolling through her phone but her eyes are having a hard time staying open.

The girls are doing random things on the live and having a good time. You are seen in the back but are mostly covered by the girls.

You poke at Paige's arm and she looks over at you. You pat your lap and Paige immediately shifts to put her head in your lap. You hear her phone lock as you begin playing with her hair. Her hand comes up to hold your thigh and you smile. Nothing else in the world matters - it is just you and her.

Paige's breathing begins to slow down and you know she is out. Your hands continue to run through her hair.

You are watching the live from your phone when you see a crap ton of comments coming through on how cute Paige and you are in the back.

"Ya, ya, ya - we get it, they are adorable," Nika says as she reads through the comments.

The girls eventually wrap up the live and begin to head out. You don't bother waking up Paige. Once the girls are gone you debate waking her up or letting her sleep - after a few minutes of thinking you decide to wake her up.

"B," you say and begin to shake her shoulder. You hear her groan.

"Let me put you to bed, ya?" You ask, knowing it is not really a question.

She groans again.

Your hand comes down to her waist and gives it a little squeeze.

"Come on B, you will be much more comfortable in bed," you say and begin to move your legs.

Her sleepy eyes begin to open and she sits up. Her shoulder leans into yours as her head finds your neck.

"Will you please sleep with me? Don't sleep well without you," she says.

"Of course I will," you say as you help her up. You don't think she is fully awake when you hear what she says next.

"You're the only one I want in my bed ever," she says as you help her into her room. You laugh and mutter a response along the lines of 'sure, whatever you say'.

"Serious. No other girl is like you. Hurt when you sent me away," she mutters. You know she is referring to last night. But in your defense, she hurt you when she took that girl to the bathroom at the bar.

"Okay sleepy girl, let's just get you to bed," you lay her down and tuck her in. You walk out to the kitchen to turn the lights off and grab a glass of water. When you walk back into Paige's room you see her sitting up.

"B, why are you sitting up, lay down love," you say knowing she is using every ounce of her energy to fight off sleep.

"Wanted to make sure you came back to me," she says and begins to lay back down. You make your way to your side of her bed and find your way under her covers. She scoots her way over to you and nestles into your side. She doesn't need to be held but just likes to be close to you.

"Go to sleep, B."

She sighs and hums.

Both of you sleep 10x better than you did the night before.

The next few days are back to normal between you and Paige. Neither of you brought up the night in the bar. That may or may not bite you in the butt later but since things are going smoothly you didn't want to backtrack.

The team's practices have been going extremely well - they were preparing for March Madness. The bracket had just been announced and UConn had a pretty easy route to the final.

At the end of practice, you and Paige make your way back to your apartment. The two of you shower (individually) and then find yourselves working on a Lego set in the living room.

"Hey B?" You ask the girl sitting across from you.

She lets out a low 'hmmm' signaling she is listening but doesn't look up from the instruction manual.

"I kind of want to do another lesson," you say shyly as a light pink tint graces your cheeks.

Paige's head whips up and she looks at you. Her eyes darkened as she put down the Legos she was holding.

"You kind of want, ma? Or you know you want?" Paige says in a teasing tone. "Because we aren't going to kind of move on."

"I want," you say - your voice coming out as a whisper. If you were being honest - you had been ready for a lesson the past few days but didn't want the normalcy that had just been restored to waiver.

"Okay baby, we can do a lesson," Paige says, not moving an inch.

You feel your body react - you find it extremely hard to sit still under her stare. You squeeze your legs together under the table in hopes of relieving any of the fast-building pressure you feel.

"You know how to kiss," she says. "Very well, I might add."

This causes you to blush even more now.

"All thanks to you," you reply.

"Me...and those videos you watched,' Paige says with a smile. You groan and roll your eyes.

"I am never going to live that down, am I?" You say as your hand comes up to cover your face.

"Nope!' Paige says. She continues.

"You know how to get a girl going so I think now is the time to show you how to make a girl feel good."

You look at her with a confused look. "I thought both of the first lessons were already making you feel good."

"Oh they are babe, but I am talking about the best feeling," Paige says as her hand finds your leg under the table, moving it painfully slowly toward your center.

You gulp and let out a moan. You then nod.

"Show me what you have learned so far ma," Paige says as she removes her hand from you and leans back from the table. She waits for you to make a move.

It takes you a second to compose yourself but slowly get up from your side of the table and make your way to her. She is leaning back against the couch and pushes the table away from her to give the two of you more space.

You stand above her as you bring one foot to each side of her. She is looking up at you, watching your every move - anticipating your touch.

You lower yourself to sit on her lap, making sure you both are comfortable. Her hands come up to your waist, lifting your shirt just enough for her fingers to brush your skin. Your hands come up and wrap themselves around her neck.

"Are you ready?" You ask, brushing a little of her hair out of her face.

"Oh babe, I am always ready for you," she says and that fuels the fire in you.

You lean in to kiss her but don't meet her lips. Instead, you kiss the corner of her lips and a trail down to her neck. You give her neck the proper attention it deserves as little breathy moans escape her lips. Once you begin to feel her fingers grip and knead at your waist you finally let your lips meet hers. One of your hands comes down to meet her breast and you begin massaging it causing her to moan - this allows access to establish your dominance in the kiss.

Her hands come and begin rubbing up and down your thighs causing you to moan this time. Paige can't help herself and begins to kiss down your neck. Your head falls back as you let her take control.

"Always so good for me," she says between kisses.

"Making me want you," she breathes out.

In one swift movement she lifts you up and is walking to her room. You let out a squeal, forgetting how strong she is. Your legs wrap around her torso. When she gets in her room, she lays you on the bed and looks down at you.

There she goes again - making you squirm under her gaze.

She removes her shirt slowly and you do the same - leaving both of you in shorts and sports bras. You slowly hook your fingers around the waistband of your shorts and move them down your hips.

Paige licks her lips as she watches you undress.

The two of you practically have seen each other naked so the removal of your shorts was nothing she hasn't seen. But how you took off your shorts - your eyes locked with hers, moving almost too slow has her wanting to do the most ungodly things to you.

"Have you touched yourself before?" Paige asks. Her voice has developed a low raspiness that you know you will grow to crave.

"Yes," you say softly as you nod your head.

"Show me," she says. Not a question, but a demand. "Show me how you make yourself feel good."

Before you can contest, Paige continues.

"How you please yourself is the start of how you are able to please others. Let's see how you do," she says.

You nod again, muttering an 'ok'.

Your hands come up to your breasts, squeezing them together and massaging them. It wasn't that you needed more stimulation, but it was where you would start when you were alone.

"Take off your bra," she says. Another demand.

You lift and take off your sports bra to reveal your breasts to your best friend. Her eyes scan them and notice how perfect your nipples are, all perked up and ready to be devoured.

Your hands find them and begin to play with them. You release a little moan as one of your hands makes its way down your stomach to your center. You keep your hand outside your undies as your fingers begin to circle the most delicate part of your body.

You let out a full-on moan and squeeze your eyes shut. You are the most turned-on you have ever been and all in front of your best friend.

You continue to work on yourself as you feel the bed dip beside you. Paige comes and attaches her lips to one of your nipples.

"Oh - fuck," you yell as your free hand comes up to hold Paige's head. Her tongue swirls around and has you close to your climax. Right as your breathe begins to pick up, Paige reaches down and slows the hand working on yourself.

"Alright baby, good job," Paige says and you whine. You were so close to your finish and she just stopped you in your tracks.

"Why'd you stop me?" You ask, head spinning from the loss of contact.

"Because I want to finish the job," she says as she lowers herself to your core.

She spreads your legs apart and rests herself in between them. She doesn't make a move to lower your undies but trails her fingers up your thighs and places them where she removed yours from.

Her fingers begin to work on you. Your moans fill her room.

She begins to kiss your thighs, sucking on them.

"Paige, I am close," you say as you bite your hand.

"Let go for me baby," she says as she drives you through your high.

You say her name more than she has ever heard you say it before, tangled in with a string of cusses. She slows down and gives one last kiss on your thigh before coming up to kiss you.

"You were amazing," Paige says as she lays next to you.

Your head is still spinning and you squeeze your legs together.

"I think that was the best orgasm I have ever had," you say with a laugh.

Paige lays back and puts her hands behind her head.

"Your turn ma," she says as she looks at you with hooded eyes. You squeeze your legs together trying to dissipate the pressure building in you yet again.

You turn over and kiss her neck, your hands coming to tug at her sports bra.

"Off please," you say in between kisses. She complies and removes it, throwing it somewhere across the room.

You kiss down her chest and take one of her nipples into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it as you knead the other with your hand. She lets out tiny strings of moans as you do work on her skin. You continue to kiss down her stomach and across her hip, stopping once you kiss the inside of her thigh.

Your fingers come to hook the waistband of her shorts.

"Can I take these off?" You ask looking up at her.

"Of course babe," Paige says.

She lifts her hips as you bring the shorts down her legs and discard them on the floor.

You attach your lips to her inner thigh again.

"And you thought I was wet," you say in a teasing tone. "You are soaked, B." You don't know where the newfound confidence came from but use it to your advantage.

"Ya ya ya," she says then lets out a moan as your fingers come up to circle her center.

You do everything that she did to you, changing up the speed and applying different pressures. You continue kissing her inner thighs but take the opportunity to really suck on them. While she peppered light kisses to your thighs, you plan on sucking the life out of them so that any girl she has in this position in the next few days knows you've been there.

"You are doing great ma, keep going," She says as her hands come to grip the sheets.

"Say my name," you say as you ease your pressure. "I want to hear you say my name."

She cusses and then moans your name. You are proud of the confidence that has presented itself in this situation.

"I'm close ma, don't stop," Paige moans as her back arches off the bed. One of her hands comes to intertwine her fingers with yours - something she usually has other girls doing when she is in your position. It is intimate but Paige doesn't care, she feels too good to care.

You pick up your speed and give one last good suck to her thigh as she rides out her high.

Her moans fill the air as she pants and comes down from one of the best orgasms she has ever had.

You kiss back up her hip to her stomach. You are lying on top of her as her breathing comes back to a normal pace.

"How did I do?" You ask bringing your arms up to your chest for you to rest your head on. One of her arms comes around to hold you in place - never wanting to let you go.

"Fucking amazing," she says as she looks down at you. Paige could get used to this. Kissing you and claiming you as her own. She wants to tell you how much she loves you and how she wants this to be the norm. How she wants to hold your hand in public and kiss you freely. To be the only person to hold you but the fear inside her overpowers all of those thoughts.

You smile up at her and as you do her arms release you. You begin to get up and grab your shirt, putting it on.

"Wanna go finish the Lego set?" You ask as you toss her shirt to her and put your shorts on. She nods and sits up, putting the shirt on and watching you head out to the living room.

You are unbelievable to her. Not five minutes ago did you have her back arching and orgasm and now you want to go on with life as it was before.

As Paige makes her way out to you, her heart and her head are in conflict. Her heart is screaming at her to tell you that she's completely in love with you while her head is sitting back telling her a soft 'I told you so'. Her head was and is right. The fear that grew in her when this all first started with The Ask was more present than it had ever been.

The fear that you would be her best but never hers...

At least that is what she told herself.

AN: I feel this did what it was meant to do but if you have thoughts let me know them! And as always, thank you for your love and support 💙

[opal-owl-flight]

John. John Splatoon. The man, the goofball the sweetest man youll see. Chatty, bubbly, and gives really good team morale.

But things arent all sweet.

I wonder if he shuts himself up when he feels hes being *too* jolly.

His family is kind. Its not their fault. Yknow how people are fucking mean to those who are very excited abt things.

I think he had an experience like that. Tanara was thankfully there when things started getting really bad.

John was made fun of when he first started turfing. He was just sooo excited abt it all. So enthusiastic!! He studied abt the greats, the top players, all that. And the bitchass mean kids thought itd be funny to crush his dreams.

They made fun of him when he rambles abt strategy. They mocked him whenever he tries to be a hero and gets fucking splatted for it (OH GEE, IF HIS TEAMMATES WERE ACTUALLY *HELPING* HIM HE WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN GOT).

One time I think some bastard jammed his weapon so it was unusuable for a while, and he was unable to turf.

"Good riddance," the team had said. "That beak is finally quiet for once."

Tanara saw this happening and decided to stand up for him.

They saw this boy getting picked on, and didnt hesitate in open firing at the bastards. Didnt care if theyll get banned for a week for firing a weapon off the field.

"|Hey, are you the guy who cornered me in the last match? Color me impressed.|"

Tanara doesnt stand for bullies. Ever. They hate seeing these kinds of people in the leagues. They hate the fact that these nutjobs are so good at the game!!! they want to make the leagues a fun place for everyone. None of this fuckinh bullshit. From a young age theyve already defended others. Wanted to make a better world where everyone can just be who they wanted to be, grow into their best selves.

The orange squid was a big help. With them actually recognizing his talent and running by his side,,,

They made him believe in himself. Fuck what everyone else says.

"|We won because of your strategy,|" they sign. "|If it werent for you, we'd have lost the tournament.|"

And hes given a smile of encouragement. Oh, sweet understanding, sweet recognition.

For a tender year they and John built a strong team and friendship. John became this cheery man bc of them.

They helped him stand up for himself. Helped him in the art of not giving a fuck. Or raining retribution where it is applicable (the duo have sent bullies crying after giving fjem say -- a 20 second rainmaker match)

Whenever someone tries to make fun of him in the later years, or now -- even if Tanara is out of the picture bc theyre getting blended -- he will literally ignore the naysayers. Bc he knows. He knows Tanara believes in him. He knows his team believes in him. He knows many others do, as well.

He knows his own capabilities. He knows what his limits. And hes. God, theres a reason hes second in command. Hes smart about the sport. Hes scary on the field. Dont let the goofy attitude fool you. Hes having fun but you on enemy team wont!

Some people are recently saying that Tanara left their old team bc John was lagging too far behind them, that Ink Typh∞n is the natural next step for them.

Dead wrong dipshits. If anything, those two are eye to eye.

If Tanara wasnt forced to retire, theyf still be fighting by his side.

-----------

Ofc its not all perfect. He still shuts down sometimes. Shuts himself up if he gets scared of offending someone/in general.

If he doesnt get reassurance or proves to himself/his naysayers of his own capabilities, he starts going quiet, smiling less.

Those wounds still hurt, Im afraid....

-----------

And what about after Octo Expansion.

What was going through his mind?

Like....this is your best friend. The one who helped you become the man you are. They were your role model. Theyre so strong, so assured. Confident. Ruthless on the turf. So skilled that nothing can faze them. Believed in you like no one else did.

And youre watching them seem to get worse day by day.

Theyre closing up. Theyre not telling you anything. You reach out but they dismiss you. And their colors only get more desaturated with time. They still believe in you, but its clear that theres something bothering them.

You try to share your joy with them, talking about the things you liked. Like old times. It turns out however, that the character you idolized in the media you consume, is them.

And it explains everything.

An entire secret double life and they didnt tell you.

You were their best friend. They were by your side when you struggled to make it in this city. They gave you assurance when your confidence started to fail.

They were your hero.

Where were you then, when they needed one themself?

They slump into John's arms,,

Theyre only older than him by a year. but they feel so,,

They feel so frail. A shadow of how they used to be. A body broken by war, a mind and heart ravaged by worry and vigilance and the weight of the world on their shoulders.

They tell him that they dont want him to take this load. They tell him he doesnt deserve it.

He says he has no plans of getting into this, not directly. He just wants them to come back to him after duty, or allow him to help in any way he can.

He'll just wait by the door, like he always has.

And hes holding them. He wants to keep them there til everything becomes okay again.

[luvrsux]

“just friends, right?”

chapter II ~ patience

☕️ ~ other chapters

Days pass since the last time Law was at your house. When he left, he left his scent behind. Your living room was filled with his pine cologne for days until you realized Law hadn’t reached out to you like he promised he would. It pained you, but you didn’t want to seem needy. Your head stung in pain. Probably sign to stop thinking about it.

“You okay, (F/N)?” You heard a medium toned voice say beside you. You were met with white hair and cyan eyes. You smiled bashfully while you made eye contact with Yamato, who you considered a good friend. He had a worrisome expression, despite having a smile. You also totally forgot you were in your art studio with him.

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind” You try to cover up your true feelings behind a curtain. Yamato saw right through you, unfortunately. Dealing with Ace and his baggage, it became natural to Yamato to see right through someone.

“C’mon, tell me what’s up” Yamato pats your shoulder to better encourage you to open up. You appreciated it. Yamato pulled a chair to sit beside you and try to be at eye level. Unfortunately for him, he was way too tall.

“What do you do when… You want to talk to someone but you don’t really know if they wanna talk to you?” You ask, obviously insinuating to none other than the raven boy that’s been hogging your mind.

“Is this about Traffy?” Yamato immediately caught you like a mouse in a mousetrap. He’s been hanging out with the Strawhats too much, you thought. You cringed and hid your face due to pure embarrassment. You heard Yamato’s hearty laugh.

“Hey, hey it’s alright!” Yamato saw your eyes peek through your fingers. He sighed, looking out the daybreak window. “If I were you, I’d reach out once and if he responds, he responds. If he doesn’t then I don’t think he’s worth your time (F/N).”

Yamato was more than right. It was no use fighting for Law when you aren’t even an item. You valued him as a person, as a friend better yet. You wondered if he felt the same. You also wondered why you cared so much. You shouldn’t, and it hurts.

“The thing is I don’t feel like I should feel this way. Law is a busy guy and I don’t want to drag him” You sat up straight and stared down at your palms. They had hints of color in them due to the paints you used.

“It’s not a crime to feel seen, (F/N). I feel like you have deep feelings for Traffy that you need to unravel” Yamato placed his hand on yours as a comforting gesture. It caused you to trail your eyes up to his and realize you wouldn’t know what to do without him. No wonder him and Ace have lasted so long, you thought.

“You don’t necessarily have to unravel them in front of him, I know the story. But eventually, you’ll have to come to terms with the fact you may not have let go of him yet. Quit trying to suppress it like it isn’t there” Yamato’s words made tears start to flow to your eyelids, but you refused. Barbed wire began to tighten around your neck and it caused you to swallow.

“I’ll definitely try, Yamato” You smile to reassure him that his words eased you.

But if anything, it only made you more scared. You were scared to be in that same position where he rejected you the first time. You were terrified that this time would be the time he doesn’t want anything to do with you. Why did you have to think this way, you thought. Your internal conflicts only kept going on longer and longer.

You turn in your seat to focus on your canvas. You had a rough draft going on but you were definitely not in a good headspace to keep going. As truthful as Yamato was, it still hurt more than anything. You just kept going, even despite everything. That’s what you have been doing already, right?

6:32 PM

You exit your studio and the sun has already pretty much set. Still nothing from Law. Usually he’d message you a few times everyday, but now nothing. Not even anything about Robin or school, his main sources of a conversation. Your hands were too cold to have your phone out like this, so you use it as a lame excuse to ignore your phone while your hands get stuffed into your coat.

You began to walk. Walking home has always been therapeutic but you never needed it more than now. The air frosts your lungs. Your body sends shivers. You longed for the warmth of your home.

And once you finally got there, it was silent. Your brain wasn’t, though. The conversation you had with Yamato ricocheted around your head. The piercing silence of your flat only made it worse. You needed something, anything. Your hands frantically strangled the TV remote to click on the first channel there was. Which was none other than the news channel.

“On other news, tomorrow night’s moon cycle is a full moon, so be on the lookout for that beautiful sight”

Those words finally eased your ear lobes from the piercing silence. While you hung up your coat, strung your scarf and kicked your shoes off, you pondered for a moment.

“Don’t full moons make you act differently?” You blurted to yourself. Your body reacted on its own. You looked back at the screen of the news reporter to briefly verify if she was really talking about a full moon.

It was some hoax you heard from your mother when you were younger, but you never stopped talking about it. I mean, that’s where the prefix of lunatic came from. Why was your brain acting so sporadic?

Maybe you just need dinner.

8:46 PM

After a hearty meal, your stress levels began to decline. The meal did hit the spot. You sat at your kitchen island, empty plate in front. You licked your lips while you mindlessly scrolled through whatever nonsense you came across on your phone. Nothing new or revolutionary, surely no Law to text you.

Knock knock knock!

“Seriously?” You grumble, snapping your head to the vibrating door. Why would anyone be here at this hour on a weekday?

You sluggishly lift yourself up from your lounging position in the kitchen to drag yourself to open the door. A food coma was for sure about to kick in sooner or later. Another knock began to echo before you could even put your hand on the handle. You grew annoyed. This person really needed your attention at almost 9 PM.

“Alright, alright!” You shout.

Your annoyed demeanor pretty much eviscerated at the sight of the boy you’ve been longing for. Your eyes widened and you couldn’t even think to analyze how or why he was here without saying a word to you for days. You blink.

Law looked as embarrassed as a kid that broke his mothers vase. He wore a gray sweatshirt and jeans, like he’d been at home all day. His iconic hat was nowhere to be found. If anything, his hair was messier than usual. He kept his eyes away from yours and quickly opened his mouth.

“Can I come in?”

His sheepish, low tone made your bones weak. You hum in agreement followed by a swift shift in your body to move aside. Law walked in. That same cologne smell pretty much kissed your face as he walked by. He quickly sat down on your couch that he found so welcoming and comfortable.

Although, he wasn’t in a relaxed position. His elbows rested on his legs and his hands tugged at his raven locks. You quickly assumed something was troubling him and didn’t hesitate to accompany him on the couch. His eyes finally met yours. That familiar feeling you two shared before.

“Are you okay, Law? Did something happen?” You quickly ask. Law expects those words to slip out of your mouth. You were always so sweet and caring to him. Maybe that’s why he was so abrupt about his arrival. He inhales for a moment. His arms depart from his hair and he throws his body back on the couch.

“Me and Robin broke up” He was straight forward, that’s for sure. You blinked, trying to process those 5 words he just uttered out his mouth. You didn’t know how to react, but judging by his nonchalant demeanor it didn’t seem like he needed much support.

“When? Why?” You finally asked. Law folded his lips and shrugged. Seemed like to you he didn’t seem all affected by the break up. That or he’s already over it.

“We broke up around last week,” He began. That explains the total radio silence, you thought to yourself. He inhaled. “I didn’t really talk to you because I guess I needed the alone time”

“We broke up because Robin felt like there wasn’t a spark. Like she could just feel there wasn’t much chemistry between us and that it was more like an experiment. I agreed and we went our separate ways”

Law continued and honestly you were far from surprised. He looked back at you with embarrassment for some reason. You weren’t going to judge, you made sure this was a safe space.

“I appreciate you coming to me. I did miss you” You smile, trying to ease him up a bit. He gave you a slight smirk at your comment, ready to tease you.

“Missed me?” He cooed. You nudged his shoulder to make him shut his mouth.

“Don’t make it weird!”

You both shared a fit of laughter and sighed. You analyzed him. He still seemed tense, like he felt bad for you. His mind traces back to the day he rejected you and his relationship with Robin. He knew it was messed up.

Meanwhile, you sat there and pondered. What happened that made Robin question that there was no chemistry. Have they ever been intimate? Knowing Law’s blatant awkwardness, that would’ve probably been a no. Your cheeks began to flare knowing what you were about to ask him.

“Why did Robin assume there was no chemistry? Did you do anything romantic with her?” You ask, trying to get better insight on the situation.

“I mean—“ He ran his hand behind his neck as a nervous stimulus. You pretty much got your answer. “We went to a cafe maybe once or twice but we never did anything beyond that”

Oh, Jesus Christ, he’s a total virgin.

“Have you even kissed her, Law?” You bluntly ask, giving him a sarcastic look. Did he seriously think it was going to work out with someone as gorgeous as Robin with 2 dates?

“Obviously!?” Law got all defensive and you could see a slight tint of pink on his tan skin. It made you giggle but that’s not what you meant.

“No, I mean kiss kiss her. Y’know like—?” You made insinuations with your hands but Law looked at you like you were speaking in poneglyphs. He eyed you up and down, making you groan at his actual ignorance.

“Have you ever made out with her?”

Law paused for a moment. His eyes slowly averted from you and his lips folded. He began to sulk. Are you kidding me…?

You’d think the man that studied the human body, both physically and psychologically would know how to please a woman and what would make her feel infatuated. Surprisingly enough, that didn’t apply to this guy.

“Law, please be serious with me right now” You saw right through him. His eyes rolled and he jolted up to sit straight. Your eyes were filled with pure disappointment.

“Listen, I never had the time to and I just—“ He’s making excuses. What a nervous mess. You sat there and snickered because who wouldn’t find this comical. Surely there’s no absolute way, not in a million years that Trafalgar Law doesn’t know how to make out with someone.

“I don’t know how”

Silence.

Silence before you couldn’t contain yourself and started laughing. Law’s face grew red and his eyebrows furrowed. He grabbed a hold of your shoulders to meet you face to face but you were too busy being hysterical at him. He was frantically telling you to shut up and to let him explain but you couldn’t care less.

“You’ve got to be serious! There’s no way!”

Your fit of giggles only made Law more embarrassed. His nervous state caused his lips to move on its own and his words were on impulse. Your laughing stopped once he said these very words;

“Unless you’re willing to teach me, you can shut up!”

You both paused. Law still had a firm grip on your shoulders and you two shared that same, non-awkward eye contact again. Your cheeks were just as bright as the building's lights outside. Law realized the statement that came out his mouth and he began to stammer.

If you don’t take a chance now, when will you?

“If you’re willing to let me, I don’t mind”

The fear of rejection crawled on your back like a centipede waiting to bite, but his face mere inches away from yours, his inked hands grasping your shoulders and those steel eyes piercing straight through you made you completely forget about the world around you. You decided to give it one more shot.

And Law couldn’t put his finger on as to why he was so drawn towards you, especially now that you made your offer. He didn’t want to say no. His body was screaming yes, and he wanted to know why. He cleared his throat and departed his hands away from your shoulders and adjusted in his seat. He pulled down the collar of his sweater due to his body temperature rising like a spacecraft.

He gave you one last glance before turning his head and humming. He hummed in agreement.

“It wouldn’t hurt to learn, I guess…”

He murmured those words and honestly you weren’t expecting that. Your heart was running races in your chest and so was your brain. You didn’t even know how to start, but then your brain flickered images of you actually kissing Law and you were certain you had a few seconds until you were on the floor. Your body temperature rose just like his. Your body moves instinctively to inch closer to him. The glance he gave to your lips to imagine what it was like gave you butterflies.

“First, lick your lips. Moisture is very important”

He does as he’s told. You reciprocate. You shift your sitting position to your knees to me more aligned with his face. He watched and he swore his heart was going to throb out his chest and onto you.

“Kiss me like you normally would, but leave your lips there and try to synchronize with me. Slowly, okay?” Your words ran deep and smooth and it almost made Law crazy. He nodded, too afraid to stammer if he spoke actual words.

Law places a hand on the side of your cheek to pull you in. Honestly, you were quite taken aback by the hand placement. It made you place a hand on the crook of his neck. He gave you one last glance before he placed his lips against yours. So soft.

You could explode in happiness if you didn't have the brain capacity to keep your composure. He was better at this than you thought. You gave him a slight “Mhm” that he was doing great and the vibrations shot through Law’s body.

You parted your lips together to begin synchronizing with his lips. The sound of lips snapping and clicking shouted throughout the living room and in your ears. You were so surprised at how he learned so fast. His mouth opened just enough for you to slip your tongue in. He grunted, surprising him by your bold move but he didn’t object. His tongue slithered against yours to dance together like long lost lovers.

You gave a small whimper of delight due to the contact of each other's tongues. Law’s lips were perfect with yours, making the previous intention of merely teaching you disappear from both of your minds as you kept going. His free hand pulled you closer by the hook of your back. You were pretty much pressed against him, only making him hungrier. His body collapsed and slouched on the arm of your couch. By now, you were on top of him, devouring his lips like you intended.

It was getting harder to breathe, so it began to turn into a passionate, breathy kiss. You felt the heat of his breath and yours made his hairs stick up. The hand on your back began to massage and trail along your body. When his hand got too low on your lower back, you realized how far this got. You parted your lips and caught your breath. The sweet feeling of fresh oxygen cycling through your lungs made you realize you were towering on top of Law. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were bright.

Your body slowly departed off of him and Law sat up. He, too, was panting like he had been underwater. He cleared his throat and adjusted his sweatshirt. The movement of your body made his sweatshirt rise up and you caught a glimpse of his V-line.

“So um—“ You stammered, fixing your shirt and hair. You blinked, realizing Law was way too nervous to make eye contact.

“Did you learn?” You finally ask. He paused.

“Yeah”

God, the silence was so deafening you might as well go crazy. You both completely avoided eye contact, as if one simple look could turn you both to stone. Beyond your field of vision, Law touched his lips. He still felt the tingling of your lips on his. It made his brain quiet and his body tranquil. You made him feel a way he’s never felt before. That sudden euphoria that he couldn’t wait to get again.

He blinked, realizing that he can’t just grab you and kiss you again. He licked his lips, hopefully cleansing the feeling away. You heard him shuffle.

“Sorry, did I make it awkward?” You finally say, desperate to hear a no. Law finally got up. A hand laid on his hip and the remaining one rested on his forehead.

“No, no. I—“ He couldn’t admit that he absolutely yearned for your lips again. They felt so unnaturally good. Too good. Did you play a spell on him? He thought.

“I really enjoyed it” He mumbled, too afraid to be open and honest. You blinked, completely taken aback. If you couldn’t tell by his hungry hands roaming around your body just a minute ago, then surely now it was obvious he grew obsessed with your kiss.

“Well, you learn from the best” You say proudly, standing up beside him. He gave you a look, his eyes said it all. You are the best. You blush, and he caught on.

“I dunno who enjoyed it more, you or me” He cooed, giving you a confident smirk. It sent shockwaves throughout your body. He glanced at your lips, hungry for another bite but he stood his ground. It was getting late.

“It’s late, I should be heading home” He finally said. The sudden swiftness of his movement made you get a whiff of his shampoo. You walk behind him steadily.

“Maybe now you won’t forget I exist. Did I enchant you, Traffy?” You tease, he scoffed at the name you used. A sudden chill went down his spine, remembering the days he spent at Luffy’s place with his friends.

“Stop hanging out with Strawhat-ya, I’m begging” He rolled his eyes, throwing his leather jacket on his body. You giggle, loving the way he reacts when you tease.

“You don’t think he’s funny?” You ask, expecting a no. He gave you one last sassy look before adjusting his jacket. You open your apartment door for Law and his hand grabs the door itself.

Then, your eyes meet yet again. This eye contact was beginning to be a drug to you, never letting go of this dopamine rush. You smile, glancing away due to embarrassment. Law glanced at your lips again and had to control his hormones. He smirked, knowing that’ll make you melt.

“See you, (F/N)-ya” He cooed. His voice melted like butter in your ears. You hum and wave him goodbye, biting your lower lip when you knew he wasn’t looking.

When the door clicked, you pulled your shirt over your mouth and squealed until your lungs give out. Your legs sprung on their own as you hopped and twirled around your flat. You kissed your crush and he loved it. It was almost like a dream come true, and you couldn’t wrap your head around it. You could die right now and be happy for all eternity.

But what were you and Law now?

Just friends don’t have a heavy make out session and act all flirtatious after. You two wouldn’t be absolutely craving each other tonight if you two were just friends.

Are you two just friends?

credits to the art and dividers, they r not mine!

© all rights reserved to luvrsux

tags: @flav1a0

[rayaverra]

Love Amidst the Noise // Luke Castellan

pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader

genre: fluff (i guess)

summary: you get a little overexcited while talking, and your friends find it annoying. When Luke finds you sad and quiet, he comforts you.

warning(s): none

wc: 654

notes: this actually happened to me in real life, so shout-out to my best friend for his kind words :')

english is not my first language, so there may be mistakes.

・❥・༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶・❥・

"And we visited this museum when my dad took me on a trip to Boston, and the art there was just amazing! So many different types of paintings... all these vibrant colours that matched... and the amount of detail..." You were sharing your winter experience with your friends, feeling passionate about the art. Now that summer break had started and you were back in camp, you were excited to share all your latest stories, but none of your friends seemed to really care.

"Yeah... yeah... we get it! Your father took you to see some old paintings," one of them said, rolling their eyes, and soon afterwards everyone else joined.

"Yeah, who cares about some old paintings that all look the same anyway?" Another one added, and your smile suddenly faded, feeling sad that they spoke like that about something you cared so much about.

"And you've been talking about it for almost an hour! Don't you let anyone else speak?" And with that, you closed your mouth, feeling unwanted; you didn't say anything for the rest of your friends conversation.

Later that day, you were sitting on your cabin's table earlier than everyone else, not being in much of a mood. You started to wonder if everyone thought the same as your friends. You knew that sometimes you talked too much, but you couldn't control it. Did everyone in camp think you were annoying?

A familiar figure approached you. At first, you didn't turn to see who it was, but soon you realized it was your dear friend from the Hermes cabin, Luke Castellan.

He noticed your unusual silence and your worried expression. "Hey, is everything okay?" He asked gently.

"Fine..." You said, avoiding his gaze. And that, with the fact that you replied without using many words, like you always liked to explain the details, made him curious as to who got you sad. Deep down, he was also slightly angry that someone would hurt his best friend like this.

"Come' on, I know you better than that." He smiled softly, reaching across the table and gently holding your hand. "You can tell me everything, you know."

You hesitate for a bit, feeling a lump form in your throat. "Do you ever find me annoying?" You eventually blurted out, surprising both Luke and yourself.

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking genuinely puzzled. "Annoying? Not at all! Why would you think that?"

You signed, looking into his filled-with-kindness blue eyes, giving him a weak smile. He was so gentle with you that it warmed your heart.

You sighed, finally deciding to share the weight on your shoulders. "My friends, they... They always complain about me talking too much and never let me finish."

Luke's expression shifted from confusion to understanding. "You're not annoying, not to me. I love how you light up when you talk, how your eyes sparkle. Your enthusiasm is one of the things I adore about you."

Your heart warmed upon hearing his comforting words. You realized that you had found someone who appreciated you for who you were.

"Don't let them get to you. You're amazing just the way you are, and anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve your energy." He said, moving a strand of your hair behind your ear. You smiled, remembering how fun it was when you explained to Luke the history of each painting, and him listening intensively.

"Thank you, Luke." You smiled, moving closer, sniffing a little, and resting your head on his shoulder after giving him a hug.

"Can you tell me about that painting with that couple on a swing again?" Luke asked, and you blushed, nodding your head and starting to tell him about the famous Cot's painting.

In that moment, the weight lifted, and you felt a newfound strength. As you continued your conversation, you found solace in Luke's understanding, grateful to have someone who valued every word you shared.

[holdmymallowsweet]

What are you doing here? 01

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC Word count: 4328, properly tagged on AO3

Chapter summary: Falling right between the awkwardness of their first encounter outside the Undercroft and their jaunt into the Scriptorium, Ominis and the new fifth year have an innocuous little meet up in the library. 

a/n: I’ve always wondered why Mc would offer to talk to Ominis about the Scriptorium, when their last interaction outside the Undercroft was so hostile, and I figured there could have been another conversation in between- not anything deep or meaningful, just a little chat that made it clear that they don’t hate each other. So that’s what this is, and although it’s now the first chapter/prologue of a slow-burn longfic, it was originally a oneshot and can still be read as such, if you prefer. Enjoy! And many, many thanks to @myokk for encouraging me to finally post this, you're the best ❤️

Masterlist || Chapter 02

Chapter 01 - Invitation

Sending her that letter might have been a mistake.

Ominis Gaunt had been sitting in the library for hours now, waiting for someone who, he now realised, in all likelihood would not come.

“I heard you running around aimlessly in the defence against the dark arts tower again today. If you enjoy my company that much, perhaps you would like to join me in the library this evening. I’ll wait.”

It was supposed to be a playful way of telling her he was not angry anymore, a sort of peace offering after he had yelled at her outside the Undercroft. 

It was only after he’d sent the letter that he realised it probably sounded presumptuous and rude beyond belief. Words on parchment couldn’t tell the reader what tone of voice they’d like to be read in, at least not until someone invented a spell for that, but it was too late to take it back.

He sighed. Honestly, he could not remember what possessed him to write the blasted thing in the first place. It had been a whim, a result of his frustration and loneliness when he heard he’d be spending another evening alone because Sebastian had gotten himself detention again. He was not usually that bold, and she was practically a stranger.

They did happen to share a best friend in Sebastian though, so one could hardly blame him for trying to get to know her. In fact, it might be long overdue.

At least that was the excuse he’d use if anyone asked. Or the one he told himself, to be honest.

The truth was, she intrigued him. It took him some time to realise it, but now that he did, he couldn’t let go of the feeling. If Sebastian was to be believed, she was curious about him too, or at least she had been, for a fleeting moment- before his temper got the better of him and he took his frustrations about Sebastian’s betrayal out on her.

Ominis sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

Someone from across the table shushed him, and his face twitched in slight annoyance.

Oh, he really hoped they’d be gone by the time she showed up, whoever they were.

If she showed up.

By now, it seemed more likely that he’d stay here sulking by his lonesome until it was time to walk back to the dungeons, perhaps facing a bemused Sebastian who’d already know where he’d been. The two of them seemed incapable of keeping secrets from one another, after all.

That would ultimately be the proper punishment for his unreasonable jealousy, her rejection delivered by his best friend.

He’d come to the library with every intention of writing the assigned essay for Herbology, determined not to care too much about whether she’d take him up on his invitation, but it was a lost cause. His self-spelling quill wouldn’t work properly unless he concentrated on the precise words he wanted to put on the parchment, but with his head filled with thoughts of the new fifth year and the undefined nature of whatever relationship they did or didn’t have, all he had managed to write so far was an embarrassing mess.

Ominis considered writing with his own hand, but thought better of it. He could, of course. He’d make notes or short letters without his enchanted quill regularly, but writing an entire essay without being able to tell when the lines would inadvertently run into one another was a daunting task. He’d have to use twice as much parchment as anyone else, and he already felt sorry for Professor Garlick, if she’d have to decipher the mess.

Finally, he decided to just give it up. The door opened, and once again, he strained his ears. He was able to recognize her footsteps by now. Not her, just some unfortunate chap getting chewed out by Madam Scribner for returning his books late.

He was starting to feel ridiculous.

It felt like hours since he’d hurried through the castle, almost slipping on the wet fallen leaves covering the stairs when he left the owlery. Heart thumping with excitement, he’d even made sure to sit at a table where he would, hopefully, be seen by her as soon as she walked in, but far enough away from the librarian to have a conversation without being reprimanded for disturbing the peace and quiet.

Actually, if he hadn’t been so concerned that she might not see him and leave, or that he might miss her coming in, he would have preferred a table in the farthest corner on the second floor, away from prying eyes. She was still the talk of the school and gathered attention wherever she went, and “What is she doing with Gaunt?” was not something he wanted to hear whispered in the corridors.

Thankfully, it was one of the last warm and sunny days before the autumn chill fully set in, so most students were happy to make the most of it and took their work outside. Even Cressida Blume still seemed determined to let Madam Scribner forget her face (not that she would), and he hadn’t heard any other classmate of theirs either. 

Sebastian’s detention was pointless busy work as usual- scrubbing or cleaning or something of the sort. Truthfully, Ominis had ceased to pay attention when his friend complained about his punishments long ago. Whatever it was, it kept him far away from the library- no one was foolish enough to try and “punish” Sebastian by letting him get his hands on even more books.

Not that it mattered whether they knew the curious onlookers or not. She was still the object of everyone’s interest and admiration, and with the way things were going, that wasn’t likely to change anytime soon. Not while she was so eager and endearing, always willing to drop everything the second someone needed something from her.

Right, it wasn’t like her to deny a request from a fellow student. She’d usually jump at the chance to do someone a favour, even if it came from someone she’d never seen before, even if it was much more bothersome than studying in the library for an hour or two.

So why wasn’t she here?

She wouldn’t have shown anyone his letter, would she? Unless she didn’t have to, if the owl reached her at an inopportune time, Merlin knows who else might have read it over her shoulder.

Ominis could imagine it, them sitting in a circle in the Hufflepuff girl’s dormitory, passing his letter around, seemingly teasing her about it in a playful attempt to get her to be wary of him. Until her curiosity would get the better of her and she’d ask them why precisely they found him so disagreeable. He shuddered. 

According to Sebastian, she already knew. She knew, and didn’t care. 

According to Sebastian, she also felt apologetic and regretful about their last encounter, much like him.

And if that was the truth- he couldn’t be entirely sure it was, but if it was, why wasn’t she here? Ominis tapped his quill against the parchment, piercing tiny holes into it and probably soaking the table underneath with ink. 

He was slowly but surely getting annoyed now. If she was as regretful about invading the Undercroft as Sebastian had made it seem, she should have pounced at the chance to meet up with him and make things right.

Of course, that had been weeks ago, so she might have gotten over it by now. Still, he wasn’t good enough for her to at least show up and quietly do her homework on the opposite side of the table? It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any work to do. She always did, with all the extra assignments the Professors threw at her to help her catch up, and even if by some miracle she didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt her to simply study, for once.

She could have come. Ominis frowned. Unless she actually couldn’t.

Notorious troublemaker and rule breaker that she was, he’d often half jokingly wondered when her recklessness would come to bite her in the arse, only it wasn’t unthinkable, was it?

Her duelling skills didn’t make her invincible, it was entirely possible that she was lying dead, or dying, somewhere on the cold forest floor. Small animals and insects already crawling under her robes and the scarf she always insisted on wearing, slowly devouring her corpse while a confused owl pecked at her, trying to get her cold hands to take his stupid, embarrassing letter. 

Ominis took a deep, steadying breath in an attempt to squash the slowly rising dread.

Stop it. She was  fine, she had other things to do, or she thought she was in trouble with him again and didn’t feel like being chastised and insulted all evening. It was annoying that she didn’t even want to find out what he wanted from her- nothing, really, except perhaps a chance to clear the air- but he had no right to complain, he was the one who messed things up.

And his annoyance was merely a way to mask his fear of rejection.

He slumped down, his forehead hitting the table with a soft thud. Ears filled with the sounds of soft footsteps, turned pages and scratching quills, ink from his quill staining his fingertips but nothing to really occupy his mind in her stead.

Why couldn’t he have spent a few more minutes to rewrite that letter, although one could barely call it a letter- the note, why couldn’t he have tried to sound a bit more friendly and inviting? Then again, even a second longer might have caused him to rethink the whole thing, keeping him from sending it at all.

All things considered, that would have been a blessing in disguise, saving him from making an absolute fool of himself.

He’d heard it countless times from the Sallow twins, trying to console him in his moments of self-doubt; that he was a good person, a good friend, that he was fun to be with, but it’s not like she’d ever seen that side of him.

The two of them would make an odd, unlikely combination, but he wanted to get to know her, be near her. His invitation had been a final act of desperation- or perhaps insanity- a desire to hold on to the strange but comforting, tender feeling that rose in his chest whenever he heard her voice in class or her footsteps in the hallways nowadays.

At the very least, he wanted to make sure there was no lingering resentment between them.

The library door opened again, and the next sound to reach his ears suddenly made his head feel blissfully empty. 

It was her voice, and he instantly straightened his back and cocked his head to the side to listen better as she greeted the librarian.

She made her way through the library, with eager steps, drawing closer until he could smell her signature scent, then until he could hear her breathing. Ominis noticed she was slightly out of breath.

Had she been in a hurry?

To meet him?

In spite of the confusion, the sick feeling inside him dissolved almost instantly, all thoughts of why she made him wait only to show up hours later forgotten. She cared. She cared at least enough to give him a bit of her time.

“Hello, Ominis,” she said.

He knew she wasn’t one for formalities, calling all of her classmates by their first name without invitation. 

What surprised him more was the lack of any bitterness or trepidation he’d expected to hear in her voice, instead, she sounded cheerful, excited, almost.

“There you are. Care to sit down?” he replied, trying his best to sound unbothered while ignoring the sudden flutter of nervousness in his stomach. The scraping of the chair from across the table told him she did.

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting, I’m really sorry.”

Are you?

She sounded genuinely apologetic. Suddenly he realised, with another bout of nerves, that this would be the first time they actually had a proper conversation. Without any shouting. She was here for no other reason than to spend time with him, and more importantly, because he asked her to.

Ominis took perhaps a bit too long to answer, but she didn’t seem to notice. It sounded like she was busy taking her textbooks out.

“It’s all right. It’s not like I was just wasting time waiting for you, I was quite busy.” It was almost not a ridiculous lie, considering he’d been busy indeed, desperately craving her company, making a mess of his homework, hoping she’d care enough to show up. He hoped she wouldn’t think too hard about the messy, half empty parchments littering the table. 

It wouldn’t be fair to be upset about it. After all, he invited her on short notice and they never agreed on a time to meet.

“I left as soon as I got your owl, but it took me a while to get here,” she sighed, casually pushing aside his mess on the table to make space for her own.

Why? Where have you been?

Obviously not on school grounds.

“Why would that be?” he said, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

“I was near Aranshire.”

“Aranshire? What were you up to over there?” He raised his eyebrow. He knew it was one of the Hamlets, the one close to Hogsmeade station, if he wasn’t mistaken, but he couldn’t judge exactly how far away from the castle it was.

Oh, he had a bad feeling about this, and she, ever so perceptive, noticed.

“Nothing to be concerned about.” she said airily.

She doesn’t trust me.

Ominis knew he shouldn’t hold it against her. They barely knew each other, after all, and yet he couldn’t help the tiny stab of annoyance as she was lying to him yet again. If it had been Sebastian, she would have told him. 

Then again, Sebastian had never threatened to get her in trouble with the Headmaster.

“Anyway, on my way back something came up and I looked a bit dishevelled by the end of it, and it took me a while to sort that out. That’s why I’m late. I really am sorry.”

“You looked… dishevelled?”

She hummed in agreement, taking a moment to shuffle around pieces of parchment before answering properly. “Just a bit.”

“You do know I wouldn’t be able to tell,” he said with a smirk.

She laughed, and Ominis was almost disturbed by how much he liked the sound of it.

“Fair enough, I suppose, but others would, and I wouldn‘t want to give anyone a reason to stare, or… talk more about me than they already do.”

Ominis tensed. He’d always been aware and annoyed at how much the entire school seemed to gossip about her, but he’d never considered that she’d know, or how she felt about it. There was an odd sort of undertone in her voice.

He wondered yet again how much she knew, or guessed, about the things others said behind his back, when they thought he was out of earshot, always underestimating his hearing. They were careful when Sebastian was close, but they had no reason to hold back when it was just her.

So was she concerned about what the others might say if they saw them together? For her sake, or for his? He was beginning to feel sick again.

“Why did you look ‘a bit dishevelled’ in the first place?” he asked in an attempt to return to the original subject, and perhaps lighten the mood a bit.

“Well…” she hesitated for a moment. “I had a run in with some spiders.”

Oh no.

“Really, nothing to be concerned about.” She added quickly when he furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to say something.

If he had to guess, this wasn’t the first time something like that had happened- in fact he knew it wasn’t. Dragons, Trolls, Dark Wizards, now this- and Merlin knew what else in between. She almost seemed to enjoy it, always roaming around, curious to see what else she could take on.

That recklessness made him uneasy. He had spent the last four years with another one like that, and the two of them being best friends felt like pouring oil in a fire.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course I am. Nothing a bath and a Wiggenweld potion couldn’t fix,” she reassured him.

So you did get hurt.

Ominis frowned. He couldn’t smell any blood, and didn’t hear any strange whispers when she came in. She also didn’t sound as if she was in any pain, so she most likely wasn’t lying when she said she was fine now. Her having just taken a bath also explained why the scent of her soap was slightly stronger than usual and not mixed with the earthy, piney smell of the forest that always clung to her when she’d been roaming around the highlands.

“Are you all right?” she asked suddenly.

The question caught Ominis by surprise. “Certainly. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seem a bit tense. If there’s anything I can help you with…”

Even without sight, he could guess she was pausing to look at him expectantly. Merlin, did she think that’s why he asked her to meet him?

“No, I…” There were a lot of things he would have liked to say to her, and yet he couldn’t seem to find the right words.

He had to say something, though, because the silence between them as she waited for Ominis to finish his sentence was starting to feel oppressive.

“I’m fine,” he finally said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about how much he was stressing over what, to her, was a casual conversation she had with dozens of others on an average day.

For Merlin’s sake, they were classmates sitting in the library, making smalltalk.

Time to change the subject.

“Really though, what were you doing out there?” He tried his luck again.

“Just the usual.”

Ominis barely managed to suppress a frustrated sigh. “Which would be…?”

She seemed to consider him for a moment. The building frustration from her annoyingly vague answers must have been evident, and Ominis thought for a split second that he’d pushed too far.

“Nothing too exciting. Chatting to some of the locals. Looking for good spots to collect potion ingredients, that sort of thing.”

“Sharp must be very proud of you.”

She laughed that melodic, infuriatingly infectious laugh of hers, and Ominis was both relieved and grateful that the atmosphere lightened considerably again, even as the annoying git who shushed him earlier made a disapproving noise. If she’d heard it, she’d decided to ignore it, and Ominis was more than happy to follow her lead.

“I’m not doing it to please Professor Sharp, I quite enjoy potion making- unlike some of us,” she teased.

“I don’t-“

“Don’t bother denying it, it’s not like I’m imagining the sour look on your face every time I look at you during Potions.”

So she hadn’t been ignoring him, even after everything that had happened. His insides squirmed pleasantly. Perhaps she was still curious about him, after all.

Ominis cleared his throat.

“So, had any success in finding those potion ingredients?” he asked, awkwardly attempting to keep the conversation going.

“Hmm. I’m running out of Horklump juice, but there weren’t any around. I did find some Ashwinder eggs though, at an abandoned poacher camp nearby,” she rambled on absentmindedly, still shuffling around her pieces of parchment. “I’ve always been curious about them, you know. I’d like to see one someday.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it. They’re dangerous criminals, you know.”

She held back a laugh. “I meant an Ashwinder- as in the creature, not the poachers. I’ve seen quite enough of them.” 

“...it was a joke.”

She giggled. “I’ve been thinking about how I always collect their eggs as potion ingredients, but I’ve never actually seen one,” she mused.

Well, they weren’t exactly the sociable sort, even for snakes.

Ominis had met an Ashwinder once, in the gardens behind his family home, after it had slithered out of an abandoned fire his older brother had been playing around with before he’d wandered off, bored. Excited to have someone to talk to, someone who he’d hoped wouldn’t either dismiss him or use the opportunity for some casual cruelty, Ominis had bent down to greet the little snake. It had told him to sod off and slithered away to lay its eggs. Back then, he’d been sulking the whole day over it.

The corners of his lips twitched upwards.

Shame, he thought ruefully. There he actually had a somewhat funny story about the very thing she was interested in, and he couldn’t even tell her. Not without revealing secrets about himself that he’d rather keep tightly guarded.

“Have you ever heard one?” She inquired.

Ominis stiffened instantly. So much for his tightly guarded secrets. He really would have to wring Sebastian’s neck one of these days. “What do you mean by that?”

“I only meant, well…,” she answered sheepishly, “… you obviously wouldn’t have seen one, and I know you have good hearing. Sorry, did I say something wrong?” She was obviously taken aback.

“No, of course not. I’m sorry.” He relaxed. So Sebastian hadn’t told her that, at least. He cleared his throat. “You would have to be lucky to see one. They are born from unattended magical fires and only live for about an hour, barely long enough to lay their eggs.”

“Ah.” She was fumbling with her quill, running her fingers along the feathered edges, from the sound of it, seemingly deep in thought, and thankfully not angry at him for snapping at her. “If they’re born from fires, what are they laying eggs for?”

“I think that’s a question better asked of Professor Howin,” Ominis replied. “You’re the one taking Beasts class, not me.”

“So… could I just make a fire somewhere, ‘unattend’ it and wait for one to come out?”

He gave her an amused snort, not sure if she was being serious. “Are you taking a page out of Peeve’s book, trying to burn down the castle?” Brows furrowed, he still flashed her a warm smile as she had a fit of giggles, and a pleasant warmth spread through his body.

“Perhaps I should take a page out of Peeve’s book, that’d make us even,” she said.

Ominis was waiting for her to explain that rather puzzling statement, but she didn’t.

“Meaning…?”

“Never mind.”

He brushed it off. This was all he’d wanted, sitting together, having a pleasant conversation, laughing about each other’s jokes. And yet it didn’t feel quite right, there was still a wall between them, made up of secrecy and lies.

She finally seemed to have started on her work, the scratching of her quill adding to the symphony of the rustling paper and soft hums and whispers surrounding them.

Apologise for yelling at her about the Undercroft.

Ominis wanted to, he really did, and if he was ever going to, now was the time- but he was still embarrassed just thinking about it and he didn’t want to ruin their first decent conversation by reminding her of how horrible he’d been. It might have been easier to talk about if she was the one to bring it up, and he quietly wondered why she didn’t.

Through the ambient sounds, he heard Madam Scribner get up from behind her desk, about to make a final pass through her sacred halls. Reminding students not to leave a mess, picking unwilling volunteers to tidy the mess of the ones who didn’t listen amongst the stragglers who couldn’t flee fast enough, he was almost tempted to make sure it’d be the two of them.

It wouldn’t be fair, though.

Based on her account of how she’d spent her evening so far and his own idle contemplations, they’d both need to dedicate the remaining hours of the day to schoolwork, and she’d already dropped her previous plans as soon as she received his owl- a courtesy far beyond anything he deserved.

They were out of time.

“We should probably leave.”

There she was, slipping through his fingers again. If only she’d arrived half an hour earlier, maybe he could have gathered his nerve and apologised, at least.

“Wait, weren’t we going to do our homework? I haven’t even started, to be honest.”

Ominis smirked. “The library is about to close, you know. I’ve been here for hours before you came in.” Not that he’d been very productive in that time.

“Oh.” She sounded defeated- and perhaps even a bit disappointed?

That might have been wishful thinking on his part.

“I guess I’ll head back to the common room then. If I’m lucky, Adelaide’s still up and I can copy from her.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Cheating on our assignments, are we?”

“Oh, well. I can’t always be a saint,” she said cheekily.

For a second, Ominis had the urge to walk her back to her common room, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask her. It felt like it would be too much, walking around the castle with her, giving others the opportunity to make assumptions about a relationship that he himself didn’t yet fully understand. 

“Well, don’t let me keep you,” he said instead. He gathered his things, ignoring the growing regret and guilt.

“See you, Ominis. And… if you enjoyed my company enough, perhaps we could do this again?”

He felt his cheeks grow hot. “Sure.”

She laughed. “Cheers.”

And just like that, she was gone.

Her scent and her laughter still lingered and he was left wondering what, if anything, this little get together had accomplished.

Ominis could not have known this would be their last proper conversation before the three of them entered the Scriptorium.

more a/n: Before the Scriptorium though, the next chapter will be a little trip down memory lane, featuring the earful Sebastian got for showing her the Undercroft. It’s finally here! I started working on this a while ago, so if you’ve read this far, thank you! Like I kind of hinted at in the beginning, the concept of this fic is basically “what could they have been up to ‘off-screen’, if canon events stay exactly the same” (up to and including the fact that no one ever mentions mc’s name, we’ll see if I live to regret this decision), and I don’t know if that’s interesting to anyone but myself, but I’d be happy if anyone wants to be along for the ride.  Writing from Ominis’ pov is a challenge and I try my best to keep in mind that he’s blind when describing things (so don’t expect visual descriptions of anything, ever), but hopefully without constantly drawing attention to it, I hope I managed to do that respectfully and realistically. That said, if anything feels off to you or you have questions, feel free to let me know. And finally, English is not my first language. I proofread and edit everything I write to hell and back but if I still misspelt anything or obviously misused a word, let me know so I can fix it (just be nice about it). There’s a lot more I wanted to put in the authors’ notes but I think it’s already rambly enough, so I’ll leave it at that. Until next time? (I’ve written a few chapters ahead and I’ll try to upload regularly, but realistically, I probably won’t manage it more frequently than once every 1.5 to 2 weeks)

[causenessus]

love notes

part 0.05. intros

EXHIBIT TWO: RIDE OR DIE BROS FOR LIFE

suna rintarou °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

middle blocker for the msby volleyball team and wanted to major in something art related but ended up going into athletic training with sakusa. in high school, atsumu, osamu, and him would very frequently sneak out at night usually to graffiti a wall and atsumu and him have kept up the tradition. whenever they travel to other cities to play an away game, they’ll try and find the time to go out and leave their mark on the city. in college, he started to do things like leave little snippets of lyrics from romantic songs on walls in sharpie or spray paint </3 he first met y/n in high school and they didn't talk much despite being in the same friend group. he a her from afar but never said anything because he didn’t feel like she knew him well enough that she would return his feelings if he told her. as a result, ever since graduation, he’s been finding small ways to be closer to her. although he isn’t majoring in art, he started to hang around the art department more, and would follow her around whenever she came to develop photos. she’d let him come with her into the department’s dark room and explain the process to him. he tries his best to listen but most of the time he get distracted while looking at her <3 eventually he started to invite her to come wander the city with him in search of street art and told her he’d start sending her photos of art that he found in other cities (which he's totally not making and then sending to her as if he's just randomly stumbled upon the most heartwrenching, romantic art ever). as long as he’s with her he couldn't care less what they're doing; to him, the real artwork is right next to him <3 she’s taking photos of something written on a wall while he’s looking at her <3

miya atsumu & miya osamu °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

atsumu

setter for msby <3 made his bio in retaliation to his brother and then got upset when osamu didn’t care. didn’t even want to go to college but really wanted to play for msby and didn’t want to be left out of everyone else going to school so he’s chilling in communications with bokuto. loves to come to onigiri miya on days y/n works because she gives him discounts and he jokes that she’s a better cook than osamu (which psychologically, for him, is probably true. samu cooks for tsumu and curses the food while y/n tries to put at least a little bit of love into what she makes for him). at some point tried to flirt with y/n and then realized she did not love when he visited because of him but bc he would bring suna. often comes by himself to onigiri miya or brings bokuto with him to ask yn how things with suna, completely ignoring the fact that she has a boyfriend (which leaves her confused about every single life choice she's made) and then will immediately text suna being like “y/n and me are talking about u rn LL sucks to suck i bet ur wondering what she thinks of u"

osamu

always gives suna discounts when he comes and will immediately take over whatever order y/n is working on so that she can make suna’s foof <3 he’s like a double agent for both sides but doesn’t get too involved because things with suga are making it difficult. he’s definitely someone suna goes to a lot for advice and although suna tends to only come on days when y/n works, sometimes on late nights after practice when osamu is the only one left working, suna will come in and they’ll share a drink and talk about y/n and more

bokuto koutarou & oikawa tooru °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

bokuto

wing spiker for msby and self proclaims himself as the ace <3 sakusa and him beef a little bit about it but the entire team is made up of doubles anyway so they kind of share the title. he’s matching users with atsumu and oikawa and also asked akaashi if they could have matching headers <3 akaashi sent him his current header which bokuto immediately started using <3 my guy has got so many friends and is loved by everyone so he’s actually having the best time of his life in college!!! besides when exams come around. then he’s hiding under a table and it takes the collective effort of akaashi, atsumu, and oikawa’s to get him out.

oikawa

second setter for msby! atsumu and him actually lowkey connected immediately and the team often uses a 6-2 rotation to utilize two setters and it’s been working out pretty well. other volleyball teams quiver hearing about msby’s lineup LMAO. he’s also a photography major which has led to suna often asking him how y/n is doing <3 does a lot of portraits and posts his works on a separate photography account. has started to join atsumu and suna when they sneak out while on away games to find somewhere to leave a piece of art.

extras <3

suna, atsumu, osamu, bokuto, and oikawa all live together

it is either very peaceful or a living hell

atsumu and bokuto will get riled up about something together and start having an energetic burst while suna isolates in his room (or more often is slipping out to go hang with y/n)

oikawa’s pretty chill and is in his actually-studying-for-exams era

osamu’s usually busy at work

so it’s peaceful (according to their definition) when not everyone is home but sometimes atsumu will start beefing with osamu about something and shit hits the fan

suna is heavily heavily heavily inspired by this guy named @/greg_goya on instagram

when i had this idea for street art i really spent an hour on instagram and google combined looking for this guy bc the art he does is totally what i was going for

and when i say inspired i mean suna is literally greg goya. i will probably use screen shots from my man greg in this smau so ty to him in advance he's a king 👑

both "exhibits" or friend groups are lowkey one big friend group but there's a small natural divide bc most of the ride or die bros are from inarizaki and some of them (cough atsumu cough bokuto cough suna if he didn't want to be around y/n 24/7 cough) said that they NEEDED a bros only gc

taglist: @wyrcan @oyasumeii @froyaoya @gyuijns @nbcvs @milkteade @eggyrocks @0moonii @guitarstringed-scars @makkir0ll @mylahrins @cherrypieyourface @vivian-555 @sharkerino @bluebeanbee @r0seandth0rns @staileykout @lunavixia @thvvluvr @elliott0o0 (form to be added to taglist! <3)

prev. | m.list | next

[weneeya]

eyes on me m.list | rules

pairing. atsumu x reader

note. i've never wrote with atsumu before and it's really a shame so i'm here to put an end to this

You were working at Onigiri Miya for a few months already. Osamu started to really need some help and you were the perfect candidate ; no wonder why he accepted you so quickly. Obviously, working with Osamu Miya meant one thing ; you had to learn how to work with his twin who was almost living in the restaurant at some point. Before a match, after a match, during his free time ; Atsumu was always here.   

What you didn’t know was that he was coming here even more frequently since you started to work here. Of course he was coming for Osamu too, but he wouldn’t come so often only for his brother. You were the real reason, and your coworker clearly understood it. 

Atsumu had an important match the next day and, as you were his lucky charm, it was logical for him to come here to see you. But when he entered, a frown almost immediately appeared on his face. You were here, obviously, but he didn’t like what he saw. 

Not only were you talking with Osamu but you were laughing, and the brightest smile he ever saw was on your lips. You were beautiful, even more than usual ; but he didn’t appreciate the fact that this smile was not directed to him but to his brother. Something was burning inside of him, something wrong that he didn’t like at all. 

You only noticed him when he got out of the restaurant without saying anything. You turned your head to Osamu who was sighing slowly, realizing what had just happened. He told you not to worry about it, but he knew he had to do something to make Atsumu feel better. 

This is how you ended up at the match the next day. Osamu found a way to make you come with him, and his plan was perfect. You were at one of the best places in the whole stadium, and there was no way Atsumu wouldn’t see you. 

His gaze landed on you right after he saw his brother, and it awakened something different inside of his chest. A smile appeared on his lips and you were sure you saw him winked at you. You knew that Atsumu was way more confident while he was playing than any other time, but it still caught you off guard. 

During the entire game, you couldn’t look at someone else other than him. He was impressive, and watching him move like this was like a work of art for you. You never expected to be this fascinated by a volleyball game one day in your life. 

When the game finally ended, Osamu brought you with him to see the team. You quickly got caught by Hinata and Bokuto who literally jumped on you with the biggest smile ever. Apparently, they had heard about you a lot. You were answering to them, a slightly embarrassed smile on your lips, when you felt someone grab your hand. You turned your head to meet Atsumu’s gaze. 

He had this slight smile over his lips, and you were sure that you felt your heart missing a beat at the view. “I was the best out there, you can say it,” he told you,a dn it made you chuckle a little. You looked away, acting like it was nothing. “You were not that bad, yeah.” 

He laughed slowly, but you could feel the grip on your hand tightened a little. During this time, Osamu found a way to get away with Hinata and Bokuto, so you two could be alone. Atsumu let his fingers rest on your chin, making you move your head to look at him once again. 

“I want your eyes on me, only on me,” he said, and you couldn’t believe that he was really acting like this. Since when was he able to do this? You were used to seeing him bickering with his brother, so you didn’t expect him to do this. You didn’t have the time to say anything more, before Hinata jumped on his back, making him fall miserably on the floor. 

He quickly turned back to his usual self, yelling at Hinata who was laughing like crazy, almost talking about three different things at once. You couldn’t help but to smile at the scene playing in front of you, a slight hint of blush on your cheeks. You weren’t going to have your eyes on anyone else than him now.

thank you for reading!

[genericpuff]

Ive read a few of your LO esaays (all of which are really well written!) But I was wondering something.

Many people talk about how Rachel loves the story Lolita, and has talked about it before, but nobody has ever shown screenshots. I was wondering if you had any or knew where to find any. This is just being curious, not doubting your statements

Ah so I actually responded to a comment just like this a while back on reddit with all the receipts (it was particularly someone who was claiming it was all "made up" because like you, they couldn't seem to get any proof of it, which is totally valid) so I just had to go and dig those back up haha

DISCLAIMER: I want to make it clear that a lot of people tend to run amok with these suspicious pieces of evidence towards Rachel either "thinking Lolita was a romance" or being a pedophile. I want to make it clear that I do not think any of this is proof towards either of these claims. I do not think that she blatantly thinks Lolita is a romance, or that she was trying to perpetuate pedophilia in any sort of way, just that she may have wanted to have her cake and eat it too by acknowledging the age gap but embracing it anyways as she does throughout LO. I think, at best, she's a terrible writer who's still using the things she liked when she was a teenager / young adult as inspiration without actually going back and re-analyzing those things with an updated 38-year-old viewpoint (as she does this with a lot of things, not just Lolita). Claiming that the following receipts is 'proof' of Rachel being some kind of sex pest / pedophile is at best not constructive at all for the real discussions to be had concerning LO's subtext, and at worst, a serious claim that can ruin someone's life if thrown around without cause. Let's please be responsible and level-headed in how we approach this topic.

Old MySpace + DeviantArt bios with her interests listed:

Her old art site where she labels herself as a "lolita vamp" artist:

Her intro post from a lolita-themed forum she ran:

She does express that it's not THAT kind of lolita, which I'd like to think she never intended in the first place, but it's really telling that LO still manages to be that kind of lolita in a lot of ways, to the point that there are many scenes in LO that feel a little too similar to scenes from the 1990's Jeremy Irons adaptation, such as seen here.

(the above image are song lyrics written about the book, Lolita)

Also despite Rachel saying it wasn't "that kind" of lolita, she still made it clear back in the 2017/2018 run of the comic on Tumblr that Hades is, indeed, a "grown ass man", and that Persephone is a teenager.

And of course the proof is in the pudding, the comic itself is well aware of Persephone's age:

(either Rachel has been using Apollo as a mouthpiece for criticism for years, or she seriously thought this was supposed to make Hades look like the better partner for Persephone because "look at how mean Apollo is" when... he's deadass spitting facts LOL)

As I mentioned in my disclaimer, I don't think Rachel herself is in any way a sex pest or a pedo or whatever you might jump to assuming. Rachel has a history of being inspired by things she watched when she was a child without ever actually going back to re-analyze it or ask herself if what she read was credible or real-

(this isn't the only proof there is of her behaving this way, there's also the fact that she was clearly a huge Disney fan as a child but never asked herself why those movies worked as a piece of written media).

So again, I think at best she's just sort of dated herself by not going to the effort of researching the things she was into when she was a child, she tends to just throw things in that she likes haphazardly without a single thought as to why they worked in the first place or whether or not they would work in LO. Though this is a bit of a saltier opinion, I think when it comes to the Lolita thing specifically, I have a feeling she never actually read the book, just sorta did that thing where she watched the movie adaptation from the 90's and assumed that counted as reading the book and so she put it down as her favorite book / Nabokov as her favorite writer.

But none of that speculation really makes much difference because the evidence is 20+ years old. What does matter is that despite her tastes being what they were 20+ years ago, they're still present in LO and it's not even subtle, there are so many times Rachel has outright said both within the comic and outside of it that Hades is a "grown ass man" and Persephone is a literal teenager. Her fans, of course, will still go to the effort of explaining it on her behalf ("they're gods! ageing isn't a thing for them!" "how old you are doesn't matter when you can be immortal!" "well she probably doesn't mean LITERALLY 19, just like, the god version of it..."), but you can't deny what's coming from the horse's mouth - Hades and Persephone are in a relationship based on an intentionally massive age gap. Regardless of what completely speculative parallels we can draw between H x P and that of Lolita's Humbert Humbert and Dolores using 20 year old MySpace bios as evidence, Hades and Persephone having a massive and intentional age gap is undeniable fact made canon by the creator herself, no matter how you try and slice it.

[wrathofrats]

The way people will make every excuse in the book to not include fat people is really sad.

Takes drag of cigarette. Yeah. I was kinda staying out of it but I got blocked anyways so might as well make my stance clear.

We all saw what happened last night with a certain someone. People are free to dm me if you really wanna know but it boils down to a lot of hateful and fatphobic rhetoric.

Listen to me. I’m taking everyone’s heads in my hands. You are beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with the way you look. You are you and that’s wonderful. You should never feel bad because you’re fat. You should never feel undrawable. Or alien. Or wrong. You aren’t. You’re wonderful and you deserve art made of you too instead of it being treated like a pawn in chess to move as people please.

One of the best things about this fandom is its overwhelming acceptance of fat and bigger bodies. Radical love in fact. It’s wonderful and I’ll be damned if that will be taken away because someone else is insecure.

I love you. If you have an eating disorder I love you. If you have binge eating disorder you don’t deserve to be mocked, you’re a human being and you will get better and I’m so proud of you. And I’m so sorry for anyone being weird about that.

Being fat isn’t negative. It never will be. I’ve done my years of healing from harmful standards and disorders. It’s so nice. It’s freeing. It’s an uphill battle but it’s a necessary one.

Longer post than I intended but that was so very toxic and I’m hoping we can move past it smoothly. I love you fat people <3

[sombra7567]

Passages from audios that have stuck with me, pt. 2

Scythe Audio

"Think of a time when you achieved something that made you proud... think of that moment when you told someone that you looked up to, and their face lit up with joy. Or when you smiled to yourself with a feeling of fulfillment because of all the work you put into something. Think of it... what was it? Yes, child, you see? That head on your shoulders possesses one brilliant mind indeed. I'm proud of you for what you have achieved. Don't compare it to anyone else. Your success is yours. Revel in it." (Comforted by the God of recovery)

"What I have created, what I have been through- you think silly thoughts and paranoia would stop me? I'm not going anywhere, because there are still people out there who enjoy my work. There are still people out there that make art of my creations [...] I still have people saying how much of an inspiration I can be to them [...] and how my work has gotten them through tough times. [...] There is one thing I do have, and that's the loyalty and love of the beautiful and brilliant fucking niche community who are just as wacky and weird as I am! And that's just the way I like it. [...] If my work makes one of my wacky family smile, then I've achieved my goal." (The Reddening 6)

"Twinkle? It's been an honor to share a bit of time with one of my favorite listener characters. You are truly wonderful, and it brings me so much joy to know how loving and caring you are, despite the endless shit that you've had to endure- kinda like my audience! It won't get any better for a while, but I promise you one thing- you don't get any colder as a result. Your heart stays warm. It is in fact your warmth and kindness that will save you... and save us all. Goodbye, Twinkle." (The Reddening 6)

First ~ Next

[cadaveerie]

Why Lucanis is (probably) an abomination

DATV and general DA spoilers ahead!

As I pointed out earlier today, Lucanis has an ability called "Abominate", which I suggest could be a not very subtle indication that he is an abomination. This has been a theory for some time and I know people have pointed this out before, but I wanted to put together everything I can think of in relation to this and to give my own take as to why I believe that Lucanis is an abomination. Here are some of the indications that this could be the case:

1. He has "uncanny abilities" (and how he might have gotten them)

The fact that he both has spectral wings and that he can feel when someone does magic near him already sound very suspicious... but it becomes even more interesting when you look at this comment about the crows that Zevran does in DAO:

"I wonder... the Crows often made sacrifices of blood, and it game them uncanny abilities".

(thank you irabelas for this post! this is how i found out about this and it's a very good connection)

So one of the theories is that he could have gotten his "uncanny abilities" in that way. We know he was abused by his grandmother, like most crows get abused since they're children, and there's a chance that in order to become a better assassin he was forced to go through one of these rituals, that I suppose involve blood magic, as Zevran calls them "sacrifices of blood".

Another of the theories is that since he "died" in The Wake, he could have been in a situation like Wynne... but against that some people say that he probably just pretended he died, as in The Wigmaker Job he mentions that he'll grow a beard to hide from the people who want to kill him, so some people (and me too) think that perhaps he pretended to die to escape them.

And lastly, another somewhat common theory is that he got these powers at some point after The Wigmaker Job and the beginning of DATV, and that perhaps Zara Renata was the person who somehow made blood magic on him, as a form of revenge. It'd make sense since she's presented as a villain in The Wigmaker Job, and the chapter suggests that she'll go after him. One issue that I have with this, and that admittedly might not be super justified is that I think he could have had the wings before The Wigmaker Job started, as he had that weird itch behind his eyes at that point, and that's basically the reason why he is "the mage killer" in the first place. Basically, I associate the origin of his uncanny abilities, both the "itch" and the wings to the same event... But I'm not super confident about this, because he could have just developed the wings later. I suppose this remains to be seen.

2. He has pride-demon themed clothing and colors.

Lucanis seems to have eye patterns that resemble pride demon's eyes all over his clothing. And both pride demon's eyes and their nervous system-looking thing are purple, like his clothing and his wings.

Also, the fact that his writer, Mary Kirby, replied a black heart emoji to a post that pointed this out (and the original post also included an screenshot that mentions that Magisters refer to him as "the demon").

Which... Yeah, I think it's a weird choice to answer to something like this if it's not true? Either way I suppose it's a bit spoilery if this is the case but... I'm more inclined to believe she's teasing rather than that she would answer to something random if it were not the case.

Aside from this, people also point out the design of his tarot card.

The purple eye motif continues: in his own eyes (which could represent the fact that he gets that "itch" behind his eyes), the inside of his cape, the background (both in the bottom and behind him in those strange orbs), the little vials he has on his belt/harness, and the gems all over his outfit as well. Even some of the little pins in his belt kind of resemble purple eyes. Black is his main color, while purple is his accent color, not only in this art but it's consistent in everything we've seen of him.

His hood kind of looks like he has yet another Pride Demon-looking eye, and what I think could also be interpreted as little eyes to the sides.

The purple orbs around him could also be interpreted as eyes. Or as felassan pointed out on this post, the way they're drawn kind of make the background look like peacock's feathers. felassan also compares that part to Solas' eyes in the Dreadwolf form, which makes a lot of sense.

(first picture is from felassan's post, featuring the peacock feathers. I'm not sure where it's from, though)

I never thought of the peacock thing before, but I think most of us associate peacocks to pride, so it'd make a lot of sense. And the multiple eyes thing as well, it's something that's not only seen in Pride demons but in the Dreadwolf himself... and Solas is closely related to Wisdom spirits and Pride demons (which as he reveals in DAI, are two sides of the same coin: demons are "corrupted" spirits. And to be specific, wisdom spirits become pride demons when corrupted). This connection he has to these beings, aside from the fact that you can observe it in his writing, gets referenced by Cole directly. He calls Solas as both in multiple occasions (not "spirit" or "demon", but by the names Wisdom and Pride) in his vague monologues. And on top of that, at the beginning of DATV it seems like Solas has accidentally summoned a Pride demon, as Varric literally says:

"It is a pride demon! Damn thing probably sensed Solas' ego!"

And perhaps it's reaching, but this whole thing would make even more sense if the theory that elves were originally spirits is true... or at least if they had very strong connections to them, and that much seems to be real. Either way, I suppose that just because he's a mage he could still be close to both spirits and demons, as he talks about often, and at the same time he'd be vulnerable to being possessed by them. Also, even if it's not super notable in DAI, he has purple eyes in DATV, which could also be a connection to Pride. I think Trick implied that they were purple in DAI as well? But it's not as notable... I just wonder if this change only happened for artistic reasons, or if this change will be acknowledge in-game, because it happened in-universe as well. His eye color could be a coincidence I suppose... but it's interesting.

But anyway, this post is not about Solas! It was just a way to point out that Solas is very likely connected to Pride demons and Wisdom spirits, and perhaps Lucanis is as well, since the motifs seem to be so related.

3. He has a "demonic aura"

He is described in the character selector screen as a "Swift and precise assassin with a demonic aura". The demonic aura, paired up with everything else... adds to the suspicion, to say the least, lol. It's a very strange thing to say otherwise? It's one thing to call him a demon as a nickname, which could potentially be a way of insulting him, or reflecting how ruthless he is... But to say he has a "demonic aura" sounds oddly specific if he's not... literally possessed by a demon.

And finally, what made me be like "oh god this is so real", and made me decide to write this:

4. He has an ability called "Abominate"

"I saw my comrades fall, burned by the flaming sky or crushed by debris. The monstrous creature, looking as if a demon were wearing a man like a twisted suit of skin, spotted me and grinned. We had forced it to this, I realized; the mage had made this pact, given himself over to the demon to survive our assault."

- from Codex entry: Abomination.

"Rook is getting attacked on all sides, so you command Lucanis to use Abominate to knock enemies down".

And idk how to explain it, because there isn't a lot to talk about. The explanation is that "Abominate" sounds like it could come from "Abomination", and at the same time that could come from the fact that he is one.

Wynne and Anders were abominations, so it wouldn't be a new concept at all for a companion to be one. So if this is the case... this could just be so sad and tragic.

---

And as a bonus, maybe I'm looking too much into it, but this person played some of the game (since they were part of the Community Council), and they said this:

"would it be in bad taste to drop a Lucanis x Rook fic the day Veilguard releases" "There’s another angst pairing that’s fair game, too. Hmm"

And I think it implies that Rookaris will be an angst pairing, by talking about "another angst pairing". Obviously, this could have nothing to do with the Abomination / weird powers thing, I'm not trying to put words on their mouth. There could be many other aspects that make the ship angsty, or perhaps I'm interpreting this wrong and the ship is not angsty at all... So I'm not taking this seriously, I'm just reaching with this. BUT... imagine. The angst potential... I choose to believe lol.

Before ending this I want to give my take as to why a Pride demon, out of every other kind. I talked slightly about this before, but my preferred theory for how he acquired his powers is that his family made him get them forcefully, which I know doesn't make that much sense, given the fact that there's no mention of wings in the The Wigmaker Job. Perhaps he just didn't show them, perhaps he got them after The Wigmaker Job... but then where did he get his ability to sense magic like that? Could it be that he was born with it? I can't think of any case like this for other characters... it's almost as if he was a mage? But he doesn't seem to have other magic abilities besides that one... (I thought that perhaps all non-mage companions would get some form of magical abilities because everything got fucked up... But I haven't thought about it much so I won't write it here. And I suppose it wouldn't make a lot of sense since that seems like a Harding thing). Perhaps he had this natural sensitivities to the Veil and magic before, and so when everything went down that's when he became extra magical. Perhaps the gods escaping--and whatever happens afterwards--fucked everything up, and he got the wings at that moment, like Harding? Hers is probably Titan magic, but both could be as a result of the gods escaping and/or the Veil getting fucked up. Or something else we don't know yet.

Those are all possibilities, but coming back to my personal preferred theory: perhaps he got his powers through a blood-magic ritual performed by the Crows (whether only the magic-sensing ones or the wings too, I don't know). And to my main point: if that were the case, perhaps the pride is not exactly his, but from his grandmother, Caterina Dellamorte. It seems like his story will revolve around expectations from family vs. one's own desires and individuality, so my theory is that perhaps that's the origin of this "Pride". Lucanis is the heir to the Antivan Crows, so could it be the Pride that Caterina has for her preferred grandson and heir? The Pride of the Dellamortes? The Pride of Antiva? A lot of pressure, a lot of people to disappoint, and someone very important in his life to disappoint (and well, we should probably add Illario to the equation... But for an hypothetic Pride demon, I think Caterina is probably the proudest of all the Crows).

And if not that, even if this ritual didn't happen at all and the demon just happened to find him for some reason, perhaps the anxieties he feels about his family and making them proud was what attracted that spirit to him. Perhaps a demon managed to trick him, and the being possessed him. All options could be interesting, in my opinion.

But who knows. Perhaps it's nothing like this, perhaps he's not even an abomination at all! I just think there are a lot of indications of it, and it'd make a lot of sense. And I think my theories make some sense at least! :]

And that's all! Long-ass post. I don't know if I missed anything else, but this is why I believe that he is an abomination, and in particular he was possessed by a Pride demon. To be honest I wouldn't mind being wrong because... this would be so, so sad, and I don't know if I'm ready lol. But I'm excited at the possibility! No matter what I can't wait to meet and romance the hell out of him.

What do you think? I'd love to hear your opinions :D

Edit 1, Edit 2 (SPOILERS)

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Gamyga Debut: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Hey! I want a turn on the "talking about Subspace Freaks"! Gimme! Gimme! Subspace was like, one of my formative Weird Enemy Experiences! How have I NOT talked about any of these guys yet?!

Gamyga has always been one of my favorite Subspace Emissary enemies, and you wanna know why? It's because I have good taste, that's why! I mean, this is a really visually striking design, if you ask me. The trophy description it has in Brawl describes it as looking "like an avant-garde work of art from some young art-school grad." That's awesome. You KNOW I love things that are weird and abstract and artsy and pretentious! Gamyga is right up my alley!

I'd say this enemy was made for me, but it was more-so made for the purpose of having a really tall enemy that can serve as a road block that can shoot lasers at you from above while you take it apart piece by piece... That is, unless you are brave enough to take out the mask first and watch the whole thing fall apart all at once!

Of course Mod Hooligon likes the abstract, multi-segmented enemy that you can slowly dismantle or alternatively attack the head of to deal with it instantly. So what? I have a type! Don't judge me! I see no difference, love is love!

As I said, this thing is tall, which probably adds to the visual-strikingness, especially when combined with the fact it pops out of the ground without warning when you get near it! No wonder this thing left such an impression on me. I mean, imagine if you were just taking a stroll in the park when this thing appeared in front of you without warning! How would you feel? Gamyga Jumpscared? Or perhaps Gamyga Pleasantly Surprised...?

Well, no, you would feel "in pain" on account of the Gamyga Laser Blasts.

Sometimes, springs or platforms will be placed nearby that let you jump over Gamyga, or alternatively you'll be playing as a character like Kirby or Pit who can just fly over it. Otherwise though, this thing is going to block your path and soak up a ton of damage. But hey, if it's gonna do that, it may as well look good while doing so!

Man, I spent so long talking about the Whole Enchilada that I haven't even gotten around to talking about the Gamyga Bases on their own! That's right! With every Gamyga, you get Five Guys for the price of one, with One (1) mask and four of These Things! Could a Gamyga be considered a form of colonial organism like a siphonophore...? You don't need to sell me on this thing any more than you already have!

Though maybe it'd be better to analyze these as being something mechanical, given their stiff movements, and how every time they wiggle their arms, it sounds like someone moving a pinball flipper. I almost feel this design would be more interesting if it was biological, but there's something enticing about describing these things as being like "a robotic siphonophore". I honestly don't know which interpretation appeals to me more.

The posing of the arms and the hollow facial features almost remind me of the haniwa statues Gyroids are modeled after, but the presence of pupils and Teeth here makes them look considerably freakier, which as far as I'm concerned is only a good thing. Watch out! Gamyga Base can BITE YOU! Not in the game, mind you. I'm talking about real life.

Gamyga was one of the Subspace enemies they decided to give a trophy in Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS, for some reason. It's not in Smash Run at all, so I guess whoever was deciding on what things to include as trophies in this game just believed Gamyga was an absolutely vital part of Nintendo history that people needed to be aware of.

They were right, for the record.