#the faa should NOT be surprised

[department-shoe-stud]

For more information and a solid timeline of this court case and what led to it, I’m linking this here:

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/20/1239132703/boeing-timeline-737-max-9-controversy-door-plug#:~:text=The%20news%20hasn't%20gotten,787%20Dreamliner%20a%20decade%20ago.

i feel like the boeing whistleblower case should radicalize more people. a major airline company is producing planes with less and less regard for safety and it's starting to get noticeable. man takes them to court, which would reduce profit at the cost of public safety. he fucking dies the night that boeings legal team asks him to stay an extra day. if nothing happens about this, i hope it gets through to people that america would literally kill you for a few extra cents

[gentlemayhem]

Re: that one Boeing flight ---

I know there is a lot going on in the world right now but I really just want to take one second to share my story regarding Boeing and Alaska Airlines. I'm particularly referring to the flight from Portland, OR to Ontario, CA where the door plug blew off due to an explosive decompression.

My partner and I were on that plane that evening. Not just on the plane, but across the aisle from the door plug that exploded out mid-flight. I'm sure you've seen the pictures, but most of the public probably hasn't heard about the true horror and trauma of it all. I mean, are we really surprised when these companies are worth so much money and have so much power in this society that people on the pay may have felt scared into silence? I definitely have felt that way. It’s worth noting that two Boeing whistleblowers have recently died under questionable circumstances after trying to speak out about safety concerns in their manufacturing. I've even sent video messages to loved ones stating they should make it public that we have had concerns about our safety if anything were to happen to us and that they should seriously question anything that seems suspicious.

This was not just a wild and crazy incident the way that many people have downplayed it to be. This incident was pure terror. Everything after the incident has been a living nightmare.

The door plug exploded off the plane while we were ascending. We were not quite at cruising altitude so the plane's nose was still pointed upward and we could feel the pull on the plane when the wind rushed in. It was already dark outside so we had to stare out of a gaping hole into pure darkness and the temperature was freezing cold with wind whipping around, and some type of smoke and debris filling the cabin. My partner and I did not have jackets on because the plane was originally very warm from de-icing (Note: if you'd like to learn more about potential safety concerns, please look into Boeing's request to the FAA about the de-icing mechanism on their MAX planes).

The oxygen masks dropped in a tangled mess, so we had to spend precious seconds fumbling around to find the correct mask and put it on, otherwise, the tubes would not have been able to reach each of us to comfortably secure our masks. (Also, something I've never thought about before this, and that I'm sure many of you haven't thought about either, is that oxygen masks are a fixed size and don't always fit snuggly if you have a larger nose. This is something that you don't want to learn for the first time in the middle of an emergency like this one.)

I woke up to the bang and to the oxygen masks falling in my lap so I was disoriented trying to get my mask on as quickly as possible. Those of us closest to the gaping hole could not hear a thing over the sound of the wind, which is why some of us described it as silent. Let alone the pure shock and uncertainty that hung in the air. It has also been reported that even people farther from the hole did not hear any type of announcement or communication from the pilots or flight attendants before landing. Sit with that for a second. Imagine being in a horrifying emergency situation, struggling to get your oxygen mask on, and not having any idea about what was happening.

It should also be noted that no one knew this was a door plug blowout until the NTSB briefings in the days following the incident. This means that people like me had just assumed it was just a random panel that flew out of the plane. Since my partner and I thought it was just a random part of the fuselage that blew out mid-flight, and since there was no way to communicate to us what was going on because of the strong air rushing through the cabin, I bet you can imagine that one of the thoughts racing through our heads was, "Are other parts of this plane just going to start flying off?" Some other traumatic thoughts I recall having included, "Can a plane even land safely with a hole in it?" and, "Could the back half of this plane just rip off before we have a chance to even descend safely?" It's not like this is information you are given before each flight and we had no idea what the odds were of making it out of this alive.

Moreover, in the moment, we had no clue what happened to the plane to cause the door panel to fly off mid-flight. We did not know if there was a problem with an engine or a wing or if the pilots were even okay (we later learned from the news that the explosive decompression caused the cockpit door to slam open and slam the pilots forward in their seats, knocking their headsets either off or partially off). This all being said, my partner and I were prepared for the worst. We were holding hands and praying our final prayers not knowing if this was going to be the end for all of us on board.

My partner and I were not even able to text our loved ones when this was happening because we were so terrified and the air rushing in was so strong that we thought our phones might get sucked out of the plane if we dared to even grab them. We were preparing for a reality in which our loved ones did not get a final word from us and they just had to learn about our passing from the news. I can't even tell you what it is like to have to prepare for death in that way because your circumstances just look so grim. Even typing this out is re-traumatizing for me.

After several long minutes of praying, worrying about whether our oxygen masks were even working or not, staring out of the huge hole, and feeling the wind whipping around us, we felt the plane level out. At this point, we noticed people moving in the aisle in front of the hole. A teenage boy had his shirt ripped off and his chair was slowly inching back towards the hole. The boy and the other people in that row were thankfully able to move safely and then people were motioning to the man in the row where the hole was to move, but he shook his head and continued bracing himself. We now believe that the air rushing inside the cabin was just too strong and he did not feel like it was safe to even attempt to get out of his seat. Stories we heard from other passengers after getting off the plane included some passengers mentioning they were worried that their small dog under the seat in front of them was going to be sucked out of the plane, passengers in the front of the plane were worrying that there was some type of attack happening because of the loud bang and the cockpit flying open, many small children were on the plane and there were concerns about whether their masks got on safely when they dropped, etc.

When we finally began to descend, the fear did not stop. As I said, none of us knew what exactly was wrong with the plane. None of us knew if we would even be able to land safely or not. The closer we got to landing, the more the plane shook and felt out of control.

It wasn't until the plane touched down and was able to safely slow to taxi into the terminal that there was a collective sigh of relief. This was also when I burst into tears because I was finally able to come to grips with the fact that I almost asked to move seats into the row in which the door plug blew out. For context, the row where the door plug blew out had two empty seats (the window and the middle) and our row was full, with me sitting next to the window and my partner sitting in the middle. Our plane was delayed for take-off because it was de-icing, so I whispered to my partner about asking the man if he would like to switch into our row so that there would be two people in each row (i.e., one person in the aisle seat and one person in the window seat in both rows instead of having one full row). I also always choose the window seat if I can, meaning that if we had gone through with asking this man to switch rows with us, and if he had agreed, I would have been in the seat right next to the hole when it blew out. And if this had happened, I probably would've been sucked out of the plane.

I'm recording all of this information not for sympathy but just to paint a clearer picture of the reality of this situation. So many people have trivialized what this has been like. Boeing and Alaska have barely even acknowledged us as humans let alone the impact of the trauma on us. Basically, everything that the general public has heard from Boeing and Alaska is what we have heard, minus like one voicemail providing us a number to call for refund questions. There hasn't been any other direct and personal communication, apologies, or acknowledgments about what happened. Meanwhile, we're over here living every day with the weight of knowing that there were SO MANY opportunities for this experience to have ended way worse. It is truly pure luck that it turned out the way it did. And, I don't know about you, but there is little comfort in knowing that so much of our survival was down to just luck.

So much of what we've had to process since getting off the plane that day is how much worse it all could've been. If we had been at cruising altitude, it would've been so much worse. If the other door plug across the plane (that no one knew about and was directly in front of where I was sitting) blew out, it would've been so much worse. If the flight attendant was not able to use their body weight to slam the cockpit door back shut, it would've been so much worse. If the people assigned to the seats next to the door plug had showed up for the flight, it would've been so much worse. If the door plug hadn't landed in the trees in some guy's backyard, it would've been so much worse. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Circling back to what it was like directly after exiting the plane, we were directed by Alaska employees to go straight to a customer service line that we ended up standing and waiting in for over 2 hours. To reiterate, we just experienced a traumatic event and we were told to stand and wait for over two hours if we wanted to get any answers or speak to anyone. We were not even informed until around the 1.5 hour mark that the line was only for people who wished to be rescheduled onto another flight. When we were finally able to call someone over to get this clarification, the representative literally told us that if we did not want to get on another plane, we need to "just go home" and that our luggage had just been sitting out in the open at baggage claim this whole time while we were waiting in line. There was no opportunity to discuss options for taxis or ubers to get home. There were no options to talk about potential accommodations for the people in front of us in line who did not live in the area. We just had to "go home."

We saw the man from the row where the door plug blew out pacing around the airport waiting for the line to die down over an hour after we got off the plane. I had to take several breaks to find a seat because I was shaking so much and needed to call my family who were expecting us in California, leaving my partner alone in line to save our spot. We eventually left without even getting to speak to anyone because we were so exhausted, we had not gotten a chance to have dinner, it was going to take around 40 minutes to get home, and we started experiencing muscle spasms from all the stress.

In the months since, we have been struggling to handle the aftermath of this near-fatal flight. The trauma is so difficult to handle and has exacerbated problems we were already dealing with in our personal lives, which no one really thinks about when stuff like this happens. Finding treatment for our trauma has caused us more distress and suffering due to mental health stigmas, the difficult landscape of finding a compatible therapist, and the cost of frequent therapy. Neither one of us have enough PTO or sick leave to be able to take the time we truly need to recover and get the help we need. Not to mention, the actual impacts of stress and trauma on our physical health and even down to our neurological functioning.

I know that it is so hard to be cognizant of all of the issues going on in the world right now, and it is particularly hard for people to be critical about forms of travel that they have no choice but to rely on, but I really just want to stress that I had no idea before this just how much public safety, particularly on planes, has eroded. I, like most people, was attempting to live in blissful ignorance, telling myself nothing would happen to me because, after all, everyone loves to quote the statistics about plane travel still being one of the safest forms of travel. I urge you to consider that what made it safe in the first place were all of the important safety requirements that no longer appear to be of importance.

As an anxious flyer, I even had a moment when we were taxiing for takeoff where I had a scary thought about the Netflix documentary about the Boeing MAX plane crashes and I spent a few seconds trying to talk myself through my anxiety in my head by saying things like, "There's no way that such a big and important company would be so negligent that they would let something so minor but so dangerous like that happen again," and, "There surely must have been more safety regulations put in place since then, so I should be safe."

The NTSB's initial findings were that the bolts that were supposed to keep that door plug in place on our plane were not even installed.

Not to mention the fact that news articles have reported that there were already concerns and maintenance requests put on this plane even earlier that day that the airline knew about but still allowed it to fly.

To sum this all up, please please please, if you have time to look into the questionable relationship between Boeing and FAA, or even just watch some of the recent documentaries about what appears to be an extreme degradation of safety in plane manufacturing, please do it. If you have any power whatsoever to boost the message that we should all be questioning how so many of these big companies nowadays are not meeting important safety criteria, please do it. If you can choose other forms of transportation or help boost the creation of other forms of transportation (like high-speed rail), please do it. Hell, if you know of any other ways to help improve safety regulation in general, please please please do it.

From the information I've been able to gather since experiencing this, it really seems like problems are only getting worse and worse as so many big companies are being allowed to continue to cut corners and risk EVERYONE'S LIVES for their greed.

You shouldn't have to rely on luck to not have your plane fall apart in the air. You shouldn't have to keep tabs on companies because they are not being regulated enough to maintain a reasonable level of public safety. We all should not have to just keep accepting that our lives can be thrown away without a care in the world for stock buybacks or another year of record-breaking profit.

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The World Famous Semi-Quotable 2023 Quotedown Quotetacular (NSFL)

The following is created from encounters from many friends and loved ones over the past year. And it is my honor to say... READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. === Y'all know what this is... We've done this 21 times before... Here comes #22.... ... as we proceed... ... to give you what you need... ... 2023 QUOTE WALL, LET'S GO! === “Happy 2023! Everything has been perfectly fine the first 2 minutes. Don't screw it up for the rest of us over the next 364 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes.” -Klaussie

“We won the game. You get a prize, honey. And here is mine!” -The Fifteenth Doctor

“You did the first good thing of 2023. Now you have 364 days to fuck it up.” -Jay “And you know I will…” -C “Multiple times over.” -Jay

“Looks the same, but all the racehorses are one year older.” -Joe T.

“I think Will’s favorite line is “it feels good to be a gangsta” … every time he helps a perp walk.” -Bing

“On New Year's Eve, everyone says that they support you when you fall. On January 2nd, the only thing that's going to support you when you fall is the floor.” -G.

“ I can smell your throat and want to murder you every moment of the day… Romance.” -Shannon

Gordon: BAD BAD PLANT! Jason: I have to report it to PPS Gordon: PPS? Jason: Plant Protective Services Gordon: He's so bad

“The things I miss when I go to bed at the crack of 10.” -C

“Printer + Edge of Table = Always Trouble.” -Hollywood

“So I've been downgraded from hated to just disliked. That's progress.” -G. “Listen… if you don’t go out and get your Monday… somebody else will.” -Miss Sarah

Gordon: You want to see Scream 5? Carlos: I live in your apartment. I think that movie is not gonna scare me

“All hail the Mighty Pop-Tart!” -Hirsh

Gordon: My plant pooped a $100 Money egg. Chico: Hope you wiped afterward. Gordon: Always

“He showed talent, which disappointed me.” -Jay

“You know these are people you want to work with when we are not just talking about The Joker's Wild, but The BILL CULLEN version of The Joker's Wild.” -G., geeking out. “You’re working with keepers.” -Chico “"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" That's cute and all but have you ever had street tacos while drunk at 2am sold by a nice old Hispanic lady saying "¡Qué lindo! ¡Estás demasiado flaco! ¡Come más!"?” -Kim

“Covid Rica.” -G.

“And now here is your deep thought for a Friday. The first person who ever saw a parrot talk was probably not OK for quite some time afterwards. Think about it.” -Brian

Keep the masks on! -G. I was in the bathroom -Bowler You don't pee through your nose -G.

Get me a ferret or I will cut your balls off - Carlos

I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally create a User Access Denied page to block me from working -G. ...Or did you? -Boss “FAA had to unplug it and then plug it back in again.” -Heather

“Nothing left to do but throw it out into the universe in the hopes that NMRK course-corrects.” -C

“Listening to country music and sitting on a bed of nails must be similar experiences.” -Sarah

“I’d rather roll in honey butt naked and sprinkle sugar all over myself before jumping on an ant nest the size of a Walmart before ever wanting my baby daddy back. I barely wanted him the first time!” -Jenn

“YouGov paid for my last pair of AirPods, and I’m sure they’ll pay for my next pair as soon as I lose these.” -John Lang, Audit the Audit

“Don't forget the rings. You know what finger they go on, right?” -Carlos “Yes, they are right next to the F*ck You Finger.” -G. “YES! Ha ha ha ha ha ha” -Carlos “Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox” -Carlos

“On a side note, I got the lewdle quicker than the wordle, which should surprise no one.” -G.

“O Canada, je suis la jeune fille.” -Statboy “He spoke French, but he’s not French. He’s American!” -Brian

“If you can eat it and like it, I'll be moving towards getting the sponsorship. If it kills you, then I won't.” -G.

“And now the 49ers are in a dire situation at QB… and wait, something’s happening in the stadium tunnel.. good God that’s Colin Kaepernick’s music!” -Mark Ellis

“No one likes Butt-Ass Naked Lanes.” -Panther

“My plant has the munchies.” -G.

“That hairstyle was a choice.” -Brian

“Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.” -George W.

“We may have a bigger bunch of haterade next week.” -G. “I'll bring the Church Key.” -C

“Can’t play Lingo without my lucky balls.” -RuPaul, host of Lingo

“Come. Let us play night.” -C

“When you’re in the toilet in Scotland, the smell of cow shit and horse shit overpowers the smell that any human can produce.” -Q

“I'm a stay at home pro bowler.” -Charles K. “You're a stay at home cabbage.” -Justin K.

(Watching Meta taking a Dive) JD Witherspoon somewhere is laughing sipping some tea. -G.

“Herb Abrams! HE FAT!” -C “Next time you're about to complain about cancel culture just remember that a man who is currently under investigation for attempting to overthrow the United States government just got cast as like the Happy Li'l Slice o' Cake on The Masked Singer.” -Dave Holmes

“Can a Game Show stop a Civil War?” -Dave Statman

“Nestor Cortes is on the 15-day DL.” -Greg “Oh, that gives him 15 days to go molest somebody.” -Klaussie

“We’ll get started once we figure out what all these wires do!” -Cory

“What the hell is this nonsense?” -Jordan, on a Dook sweater in the Dean Dome

“Not this game show shit again.” -Carlos.

“Let’s take their Chinese balloon money.” -Jay

“Shut the front door!” -Q “The door is firmly shut. And bolted.” -cruise director Lee

“Kath & Kim… and the Power Rangers Razzle Dazzle Show!” -Klaussie

“A mountain is only unclimbable until it’s climbed.” -Q

“It’s only a Champagne Ranger if it comes from the Champagne region of the Morphin Grid.” -somebody re: Russell Curry’s Cosmic Fury costume

“There is no saving throw for bullshit.” -someone at Jay’s D&D.

“If you are showing any foul play, you will be sent to your dressing room. And if it is really dirty, you’ll be sent to mine.” -The Governess

“No spoilers! I don’t want to know how it ends! Oh wait…” -Paul, re: the HQ Trivia doc

“He couldn’t have been more open if he was wearing a neon sign that said ‘Throw it to me, you idiot!’” -Brian

“Tomorrow's going to be a real banner day for Rich People Who Like Wearing Fancy Hats to Things.” -Kit, on May 6

“Applebee’s food is piss. Even the Hooters we have is slightly better.” -Carl “That’s because Hooters piss is $2.50.” -Kim

“Student: "What's that (you're eating)?" Me: "Prosciutto wrapped around mozzarella cheese." Student: "What's prosciutto?" Me: "A kinda-salty, kinda-fatty ham, just like me." Student is dead.” -Klaussie

“That was uncomfortable. I enjoyed it.” -Jay

“I’m not ashamed. I’m a gentleman. There’s a difference.” -C

“This car is on firrrrrrrrreeeeee!” -G

“What is it with animals and me and shit?” -Q

Jay; “yeah that means…” C: “I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS JASON!” -subject; Bad Bunny’s “Titi Me Preguntó”

“Dad humor numbs the pain.” -Swoop

“Who shot Lee Harvey Oswald?” -Quizmaster “THE CIA!” -… somebody.

“K-LOVE… Imagine what would happen if Great American Family was a radio station.” -C

“TL;DR: Arte Moreno is a cheap, money-grubbing piece of shit.” -JVG

“I’m In Denver for a few while I make my connecting flight to Atlanta. And I’m not gonna lie to you the thin air at this altitude is starting to get to me… for starters, I’m beginning to think this unicorn named Sylvia that I’ve been talking to for the last 30 minutes isn’t real.” -Brian

“Ahh Facebook, still can't tell a joke from your own assholes, can you?” -Justin

“The Giants can have a hot chick as a quarterback and still fail to score.” -G

“My brain is not braining right now…” -everyone.

“You can tell the writers are on strike because you’d never put a hurricane and an earthquake in the same episode.” -Buzzy

“Because Pete Davidson is a man-whore, that’s why.” -Tom

“If I have to ride my autodrafted fantasy team’s ass with a known sexual deviant to the finish, so be it!” -Jay

“New York is the greatest city in the world. Toronto isn’t even the greatest city in Canada.” -The Professor

“Swifties could find Emily Miscavage.” -Emily

“WLTI has been brought to you by Outside your Bubble Burst. Watch JD Witherspoon and others notate on the demise of Facebook and Spotify. Very. Very. Slowly.” -G.

“It's a cross between a Jackson Pollack painting and a Quentin Tarantino movie.” -Evil Travis

“They look like rabbits who have been through some shit.” -Caitlin

“Whoever dances to Beauty and the Beast gets an unfair advantage. All they have to do is recreate the ballroom scene. And they get votes! Dance to the Gaston song. Everyone hates Gaston. Turn that into a dance that gets you votes.” -Q

“Have you ever considered using your gifts for good?” -me after Q pretty much nails how to use “Beauty and the Beast” as an advantage on Disney+ Night of Dancing With the Stars.

“Dangerous fluids everywhere.” -Jay, on Megan’s house

“If you work hard as a kid, you will play hard as an adult. If you play hard as a kid, you’ll end up working hard as an adult.” -Q

“Boy Zaxbys just out here saying to hell with all y’all.” -Big Rick

“My plant is bloated.” -Gordon “It needs an enema.” -J Block

“If I wanted a slide, I would have written in a slide!” -Heather

“You cheerin’ like you gon’ git some of this Whammy money. Girl, bye.” -Q getting WAY TOO INTO a Press Your Luck rerun.

“Now I do NOT recommend you do this but…” -Ken “That’s a green light if ever I saw one!” -C

“Look for the Technicolor yeti.” -Erskine

“(In my best Craig Ferguson voice) Did you guys hear the news, apparently, Tom Brady has decided that he’s going to become a minority owner of the Las Vegas Raiders! I know! And the two are very different of course. One of them is a football institution whose fans are some of the most annoying, sycophantic and overbearing in the world of professional sports, who has been hyped up to hell by people despite success eluding them in recent years, and many people are annoyed by how they skate by on previous success despite many recent failures. And the other are the Las Vegas Raiders.” -Brian

“Nobody wants a WEBP file. I repeat: NOBODY wants a WEBP file. WEBP's own mother doesn't want a WEBP file. If WEBP was an ice cream flavor it would be Moist Gym Socks. If they ever make a movie about WEBP it'll star Dane Cook, Amber Heard and a 3D hologram of Richard Nixon. Go away forever, WEBP format.” -Justin

“Bryce Young is ass.” -Daniel

“Viva Mark Mothersbaugh.” -Tommy

“Sometimes it's a W. Sometimes it looks like a W but it's only 2 crooked L's” -Chris 'Strike Tyson' Schenck

“The mystery is… How does Gritty take a piss?” -Klauss “Sam has done something no one has ever done before! They ate at Cook-Out… sober!” -Cody Dove

“Roosevelt won us the war, but Marshall won us the peace.” -Q

“He still has a whole ass empty hand, quit whining sir.” -Rooks

“BTW - this game is going to be as painful as putting your own junk in a vice grip.” -Jay

“Even though this has been a real pain in the…” -Susan “… TUCHUS.” -C

“Everyone in McKinney is dead. It is hot in McKinney.” -Pete Delkus, on a heat index of “101,105”.

“…stank.” -Brian

“‘Yesterday’s price is NOT today’s price.’ -Fat Joe” -Zenith Ranger & dead ringer for Obama Russell Curry

“Hello trouble!” -Sav “Hello trouble!” -Julia

“Duck Mycinko.” -Ben Potter “Brian Bumblepiss.” -Peter Austin “Hot Fresh Science Fox.” -Ben Potter “Ashton Catthews”. -Peter Austin “And… Billy Ray Walrus.” -Both -TripleJump’s Worst Games Ever

“Life’s too short, so don’t waste time on nothing but the good stuff.” -C

“All this talk about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie but no one ever fights about whether The Hunt for Red October is a Halloween movie.” -Cara

“Stairs. They’re the tweaker’s natural enemy.” -C

“Those edibles ain’t shit!” -Christian

"i like a good, firm banana" - @BenHigginsSD

“I am Allstate and you are in good hands!” -Q, with a snap and a head bobble

“I’m going to the loo.” -Zoombelina “Make sure you use the toilet!” -The Boss

“… you guys have any Anacin?” -C “What is this, Bill Cullen’s The Price Is Right?” -Jay

“WHO IS HEATH LEDGER?!” -TJ

“If you've lived in New York, being an a-hole is a requirement.” -G.

“Spam is just pantry wagyu.” -Alvin “Heck of a Hill to Die on But Whatever” Zhou

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “But I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.” -Jordan “But I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “Will someone go to the bathroom?” -C

“I have a shameful confession to make. I get Alan Tudyk and Paul Bettany confused. I'm not proud.” -Jonathan

“Can someone tell me what channel the Taylor Swift game is on?” -Cindy

“Laughing for “Our Lady of Perpetual Tournaments” and because my parents are going to be REJOICING.” -Jenny & Chelsea re: J!

“But Chico…. Chaos is good!” -Q

“I’ve Got a Secret. Hosted by Kanye West. The game no one wants to play.” -G.

“My family now refers to me as Chaos Auntie.” -Wingo

“Day 1 down and no one wants to kill each other. Yet.” -G.

“To be the only carrot in a room full of hungry rabbits.” -Q

“So I went from leaving last night to 3 meetings and a great adventure trip. I completely expect to hear from tbs today and if you've seen everything everywhere all at once I expect my fingers to turn into hot dogs.” -G “So a typical morning then.” -C “Yup.” -G

“What happened in Florida, Whitman?” -Greg

“Third down and Roger Goodell’s penis.” -Jay

“McKeever, McIver, MacGruber, MacGyver. Whatever.” -C, trying to pronounce the name of the actress who plays Sam on “Ghosts”.

“You: “Bowls are meaningless now!” Bowls: “It is now time to sacrifice the mascot so that the victors may enjoy their spoils.”” -Joe Ovies

“We're going back home because the Uber Driver is the worst.” -Carlos (Gordon changes the station) “Who changed my music?” -Carlos “The Worst Uber Driver in the World.” -G.

“That was his throwing ankle!” -Brian

“If you have sex with Godzilla, you'll need more than a pill to protect you...and your city.” -Nikki

“Gonzaga is Gonzarbage.” -Daniel

“Elon is proof that nobody can ever have everything. No matter how rich, powerful, or smart he is, he'll never actually be the one thing he wants to be: funny.” -Chelsea

“Show the buzzer kindness, and the buzzer will respond in kind.” -Ben Ben

“Politics is just show business for ugly people. -some guy idk” -Jonathan “J Aubrey” Aubrey

“… why they always gotta have their shirts off?” -Pierogi “Sampson County smells like Darth Vader’s farts.” -Q

“Carbs oh how I missed you.” -Jay

“$5000 says Cat Stevens gets the chair.” -“Pete Rose”, 2004

“All the trivia nights we’ve been to, and you remember the one where Quisla brought up Pokémon-inspired sex positions.” -C

“I’m just gonna bleep the bitches because it’s funnier.” -Greg

“My sensors are detecting a vibe.” -Alpha 9 (Richard Horvitz)

“Brain Return on Lane 41.” -G.

“The people who watch The Bachelor for drama watch NASCAR for the wrecks.” -Jay

“An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar… The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." You're welcome.” -Blish

“Meetings, meetings, meetings.” -Carlos “Welcome to America, the land of meetings.” -G.

“This April, you will know his name. You may not be able to spell it, but you will know it.” -C re: Brian

“You're full of Moo Poo.” -G.

“The cheek! The nerve! The audacity! The gall! The gumption! The Aggro-Crag-sized global guts on you!” -C

“I'll take dumb people who should be strapped to a nuclear warhead for $1,200, Mayim.” -G.

(Watching Jeopardy) “I hate this shitty program.” -Carlos (Ed: get out)

So playing Jeopardy: Fish or Foul for $200. The Answer: Where Foul Go to stay for the night. The Question: What is Chicken Inn? -G. That’s 🥚-zactly the spirit! -Dave S.

(Quisla eats a basket of French fries while waiting to pay for them…. Then looks at Chico’s basket of fries… which also haven’t been paid for.) Q: “You gonna eat those?” C: “MINE!”

“BEHOLD… THE DECABOX!” -VRM

“And that Travis is getting too much TS lovin’.” -J, re Travis Kelce

“I’m in Dunkin getting a coffee and this lady is trying to start a Christmas Carol singalong. Girl, if you don’t sit your Disney movie ass down somewhere!” -Bruce

“I just saw an ad on NBA TV for a podcast with Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley. Paraphrasing... Barkley: I want to get an M tattooed on each butt cheek. Johnson: Why? Barkley: If I'm standing up, it says MOM but if I'm standing on my head, it says WOW.” -NBA on TNT

““Callahan! That 34 Oz. Hickory bat you’re swinging is against regulation! In this clubhouse, we do things by the BOOK!”l -Brian, on Willie Stargell looking like every cinematic police chief.

“I’d like to recommend reading the Up With People Wikipedia page as a lesson the subtle art of criticism.” -Muffy

“Can’t spell Dallas without two straight Ls.” -BFG

“Can we stop saying the word ‘buttcheeks’?” -Eli Manning

“Give this man a Sharpie.” -C to Brandy re: new hire, channeling his inner Black Panther.

“‘You sure you don’t want me back?’ I will write it in blood if you need me to.” -Q, re: Jenn’s baby daddy quote

“So apparently I found out that our new son tried to burn down the apartment, which at least would stop you from complaining about how messy it is.” -G.

“Watching this Mar a Lago speech is worse than drinking unflavored Trilyte colonoscopy prep & when you finish the gallon they bring a beer bong w/6 more gallons for you to consume while listening to your uncle w/dementia & halitosis muse about the raging dysentery he had in Korea.” -Mattie Timmer

“$50,000 for a helicopter ride? For $50,000 it better transform into a Gundam.” -C

“Isaiah Pacheco does his shimmy. It drives the women in Kansas City crazy!” -Brian

“What were you doing on your birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “What was I doing on my birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “So what are we doing here on vacation?” -C “Talking about working.” -Teddy

“Enjoy Drake Maye stinking it up in Arizona.” -Greg

“Fortune favors the bold. And the chickens who maintain the inn.” -G.

“Muffy Marracco: Helps You Get Drunker By The Hour.” -Muffy

(Planning Bowling matches) “We're matchmakers now as well lol.” -Rudy F. “Which one of us is Tevye?” -G.

(Wearing a brown wig) “It's not TV, It's Wiggyvision.” -Douglas H.

“What oil pattern is this?” -Joe P. “This is the famous Oil of Olay pattern.” -G.

“Let’s rush’em! They can’t stop all of us!” -Q

(After getting Jasser a sandwich instead of what he wanted) I ask for Chetos. You get me a sandwich - Jasser Chetos in Spanish means Cheetos. It does not mean Sandwich -G. Si -Jasser (scowling) “The Word of the Day is Banhammer.” -Nick G.

So you want a little of everything -G. Yes. I want a smorgasbourg. I want a Smorg. -Lauren R.

“I have no idea what is going on, and I am here for it anyways!” -Carl K.

“Man, I REALLY hate those Pfizer ads…” -Ian

“I got nothing, but hey, I’ve got a lot of it!” -Jill

“Hi Ted, Ron here. Listen, I know how tempting it is to appeal to the real lowest form of humanity here in the United States, the bottom feeders, people who pride themselves on hatred and un-education and inability to read and inability to understand the difference between true patriotism and the bulls*** you’re selling. I know how tempting it is to play to those people, because at least you have a base, but Jesus Christ Ted, for somebody with a really, really small d***, you get to be a bigger p***k every f****** day. Go f*** yourself.” -Ron Perlman to Ted Cruz.

“Is Austin Reaves the best undrafted player of all time?” -somebody on Twitter. “Ben Wallace won Defensive Player of the Year four times and is the reason Kobe & Shaq didn’t win four. This app needs an age limit.” -Somebody else on Twitter

“Do I want to sleep to Special Forces or do I want to sleep to Baltimore/Cincinnati?” -G

“Wanna try street hockey?” -Jordan “I gotta pee first.” -C

“Somebody hit somebody!” -Brian

“I am about ready to trade Drew Lock for a reconstituted and reanimated Sean Lock. It could scarcely be any worse.” -Evil Travis

“Debate: Does Yoda sound more like Grover or Miss Piggy?” -Dane

“NFL uses CONFUSION! It’s super effective!” -Tom

“This is how riots begin.” -Robin

“Hey! Tom Brady… We don’t believe you.” -Jay

“That man is gonna move to the Triangle and bring every convo you have with him back to the fact he’s from New York and that you can’t find any good takeout around here.” -Joe Ovies, re: Tommy DeVito

“Programming note… the CFP show will air upon the conclusion of the basketball game featuring Fuck U and Tossoff State.” -C

The most frustrating part of hoping to get a phone call from a number you don't know: You have to answer EVERY call and suffer through every robocall and solicitation. -Sonic Whammy I'm sending you every single Car Insurance Warrantee call that comes my way, just to let you know 😃 -G. Gordon Pepper I'm touched -Sonic Whammy

“Latte - $5.00. Bottle of Water: $40.” -Richard Barone

“Quisla, stop turning off the television!” -C

“No… also no.” -Victoria “The Queen” Groce

Give these steps a go for me please -Worker Doing that now...I'm getting a picture of an apple and no loading bar -G. If you’re still holding the keys you can let go and see if the loading bar appears after -Worker Nope. Still the apple menacing me lol. Thoughts? -G. You mind sending me your Mac serial number? You should see it in very very tiny print on the back -Worker If you tell me that It's a demon MAC possessed by goblins and I need to leave the house immediately. I could believe that -G. At this point I think that’s the only logical conclusion -Worker

“Predetermined Bullshit. The latest fragrance from Calvin Klein.” -C

“The first steel coaster was opened in 18-rickety-dickety-doo.” -Chris aka Airtime Thrills

“I don't follow enough sports to properly complete this joke but "[INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE] is looking as useless as a back button on Facebook today".” -Terry

“This song has an instruction to "Think Dolly" and feels the need to explain who Dolly Parton was. HOW DARE YOU. I blame the young people.” -Heather

I need Chicken -Jasser

“Lydia’s animated. Quisla’s animated. Get’em together, it’s the Cartoon Network.” -C

Ezra Miller, who was a contestant on Jack Black's 'Jablinski Games', is playing a new game called 'Why am I in your Bedroom?' -G.

“Great effin’ job, Al, on that call with all the enthusiasm as watching a janitor mop the floor at McDonald’s at 3 in the morning.” -Greg

“So I just had a rep from SiriusXM call me to sell me radio. I bought a new car recently. Of course it comes with a 3-month trial, and I love it. I try to explain to her that I work in REAL radio, terrestrial radio, local radio, actual RADIO radio. She’s trying to tell me how streaming is so much better… THAN WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ….bitchgetoffmyphone!”- Miss Sarah

“Fancy hotel shower.” -Q

“I’m a benevolent quiz overlord… not like those bastards at Jeopardy!” -Buzzy

“i look forward to everyone in my hometown reacting to this in a completely civil manner, with no anger whatsoever!” -Jordan

“Barnacles.” -Paul

“I don't like strikes. They are bad for you.” -G. “Just make your spares, Gordon.” -DouglasVision

“Gordon bowls? I've never seen Gordon bowl.” -Brandon B.

“I take one whiff downwind of the cafeteria and I thank every god in the multiverse that I have brought my lunch today.” -C

“We’re putting a helmet on RJ.” -Jordan

“I can't make strikes!” -G. “We know you can't make strikes. There's something wrong with Gordon.” -Douglasvision

“You broke him, Kimberly.” -C “Sucks to suck.” -Kim

“In addition to a quote wall, I think a wall of AI images is needed. The world needs 7-finger McLean Stevenson.” -Klaussie

(Carlos walks in) Gordon: I'm teaching Jasser English. Carlos: eh? Gordon: Agua Jasser: Water Gordon: Leche Jasser: Milk Carlos: My turn. Gordon: Ok Carlos: Fuck me in the Bathroom Gordon: (Faceplant) Carlos: Fuck me in the kitchen Gordon: Jasser, no digate nada Carlos: Pierro is a Cum Whore Jasser: Pierro is a Cum whore Gordon: (Faceplant) Jasser: Que? Carlos: Pierro gusta luche para mi chorizo a se boca Jasser: Ah Pierro: Jasser, repita por favor: Carlos is a nasty bitch Jasser: Carlos is a nasty bitch Gordon: Dios mio.

“Plot twist: the cat is the actual "Person of the Year". So all the haters can quit their seething now, kthnxbye...” -Dane

“The real Daily Doubles are the friends we made along the way.” -Emily

“Friday is Leg Day, as in put those legs to work by getting 3 dozen donuts.” -Klaussie

“I'm mad Gordon cashed in the tournament. (Bleep)” -Douglasvision

“I regret emotional investment.” -everyone experiencing disappointment and having seen Strange Planet.

“You needed to be here to ride coasters with Danielle because that's a hell no from me.” -Jordan

“Bobby Hill is a Disney Princess confirmed.” -Chelsea

“(The Shark Tank Sharks’) ‘success rate' at funding successful companies is at best comparable to the batting average of below-average baseball players.  They get lucky and confuse it with acumen.” -David B.

“Riverside, motherfucker!” -Carl

“I’m sorry, but even inside a store… With the factory seal still on… I refuse to believe there’s cookies in this tin. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues.” -Brian, on Royal Dansk cookies

“Ending of UNC vs. UVA providing drama on @thecw I haven't seen since Gossip Girl went off the air.” -Joe O.

“Nick Adams, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!” -Tom

“The Titans wearing throwback Oilers uniforms against Houston feels so wrong.” -Jay O’Brien “Peak petty.” -LaKedra

“I’m on pins and needles to see if you bought this!” -Jess, re: Brian’s Danish cookies

“I would’ve been better if the person I was bowling was a righty like myself. But noooooo Gordon Pepper was on a better side. The left side. The not so used side. Good job Pepper. Hope you take home the cheddar as in Moola.” -Elijah B.

“The internet was doing so well with the submarine memes, and then I saw that.” -Klaussie, re: Dunkaccino

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it’s covered in cheese.” -C, on breakfast casseroles

“Makumba!” -Carlos

“"Well, it's-- Ah, you wouldn't be interested. It's too lowbrow." "No...I'm QUITE lowbrow."” -Brian

“This is a pretty blue car...” -Car Insurance Agent. “Well it was a pretty blue car. Now it's a pretty blue accordion.” -G.

“If Bob Iger were to purchase the WWE, it would make it officially a Mickey Mouse organization.” -Klauss

“Fook.” -G.

“I am officially "ooh, who knew LL Bean had such nice things" years old.” -Wingo

Why are the lanes so dry? Who oiled them? -Bradley E. It was supposed to be the Tin Man from Oz, but he needed the oil more -G. That explains everything -Bradley E.

“Interesado -Mike D.

“I try not to take too much stock on what people say on social media because Twitter is the mark of the Beast and I refuse to go to Hell for my job.” -C

“I apologize for being over-the-top obnoxious. I only wanted to be semi-obnoxious but I got carried away.” -G.

“No money, no honey.” -Jasser

From the creators of 'Why am I in your bedroom?' comes the new game show called 'Why am I hitting you with a chair?' -G.

May we all strive to be 😎 better than Ezra. - Doug M.

“My commencement speech: if you're a gorgeous 20-something... get you some ugly friends. B/c their reality is your future. You need to prepare for a time when you're not getting all the world's favors. Now I'm not saying these friends need to be butt ugly. But they need to be avg enough that they've had to a) develop layered personality b) have some shrewd sense of how to operate in the world c) been mistreated enough that they have thicker skin d) have perseverance and know how to bounce back from the world judging them by their book cover. We all get less attractive as time goes on, but do you have a beauty retirement plan? As I get older I'm meeting more and more former playboys and faded hotties who are bitter, confused, and totally unprepared for not getting the free drink from the bartender and the extra guac on their taco. They didn't have a beauty retirement plan, and it's rough out there. Bikini cute is just a short minute. But the future always belongs to the plain-looking, middle child wearing boxers and New Balance sneakers. Look at Silicon Valley, look at DC, look at who runs the world. It isn't Fabio.” -Aurin S.

“We need to go to Fright Fest so I can feed you to the zombies.” -G.

"In 2020, Madison Cawthorn became the youngest Republican elected to Congress in American history. In 2022, he became the youngest Republican to lose re-election to Congress in American history," -Ben Collins

“Stop acting like a psychotic Oompa Loompa.” -G.

“I’m doling out truth bombs! Who wants to get blown?!” -C

“FAT FUCK MAGIC!” -Jay re: the Detroit Lions

“Chatting on Facebook - is that part of the work you do?” -Carlos “Why yes. Yes it is”. -G.

“Quisla Quisla Quisla Quisla… the vacation… begins in your mind… before you EVAH leave the house.” -C

“Guess who blew me off for Valentine's Day.” -Lisa D “I'd rather he blew you.” -G.

“Put your pants on, Chico. We’re getting a car.” -Quisla

Carlos: I made like 500 usd for 10 years of service Gordon: You'd make more in New York for 10 hours of service.

“Holy Hannah!” -Klauss

(Points to the Special K Box) - Now this is a real cereal -Carlos You're only saying that because there's a giant cock on the box -G. (Carlos stares at the box. Gives the finger)

There was a United Nations summit in Central Park -G. How many delegates -Ben T. Enough for 6 continents. And stenographers -G.

“Better send those refunds.” -Joe Burrow

(Walks into Carlos watching the X-Men in Spanish) OOh! Is this the X-Men? -G. Noooooo, It's Porn -Carlos (Points to Nightcrawler) It's not just his tail that's long and pointy -G.

“Waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure.” -Jay

“I’m leaving this in as punishment to myself.” -C

“If it was Tom Brady or anyone on the Cowboys, Skip would want the season cancelled.” -best. Comment. Ever.

“Fragile ego. Fragile body. Weak mind. Weak spirit.” -Jon Moxley

“I don’t miss.” -Jessica

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then... you're doing things you've never done before and more importantly, you're Doing Something.” -NEIL GAIMAN

“In hindsight, I preferred it when Will Smith’s love interests just vanished with no explanation or sense of closure.” -Adam

“Aren’t you supposed to call a doctor if your election lasts this long?” -Daniel

“Every time I hear a government official describe Russia's invasion of Ukraine as "an imperialist land grab" I'm like "oh, so you do know what that means..."” -Wingo

“I vow to be a cleaner MK in 2023. And when that's busted at 12:10 AM on 1/1/23, I'll be back to my usual raunchy, ribald self.” -Klaussie

“I’m not that good! I’m just the best at… fucking.. TRYING! I’m the best at fucking trying.” -C

“When you eat a poop sandwich, but the bread is terrific. Then you go to the restaurant and get the same sandwich with different bread.” -G

“Take the last two off the year sign and shove it up the ass of an elephant. Someone gimme that 3.” -Carl

“Yes, we all know MTV used to play music. It’s time to let it go.” -Josh

“Why don’t you force an answer out of yourself for a change?” -C

“When I said, “South Carolina is so pretty—we should spend more time here,” I didn’t mean driving the entire state at 35 MPH.” -Clay

“I finally get Taskmaster.” -C

“A clown’s average yearly salary is $40,000-$50,000. And here you are being one for free.” -Anneke

“And remember.. you can’t spell ‘similar to but legally distinct from’ without TEMU.” -C

“Hi good morning it’s Monday it’s foggy but it’s warm enough to sit outside I already took an everything shower and scrubbed off every skin cell that was present in 2022 and moisturized from head to toe so I’m a newborn baby glazed donut girlie with clear hair love you ok bye.” -Shannon

“PUT THAT… IN YOUR COMIC BOOK… AND SMOKE IT!” -Joe O

“It’s better than buying the new Blad Bhabie single. And for the Americans who do not understand that reference…. Ignorance is bliss, my friends. Ignorance is bliss.” -The Right Opinion

“GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!” -C whenever Jay says something remotely profane. Which happens once every…day. === And goodnight everybody...everybody. Come together, just think of tomorrow. :)

[ikeepwatchinghelicopters]

Ok, gotta find out more about the pallas cat one. Shapeshifter au? Also always interested to hear what you're thinking of doing for the pilot/atc au!

Nothing so sophisticated as a shapeshifter AU 😅 It's just a silly thing about Illya getting temporarily transformed into a pallas cat while Napoleon and Gaby freak out, because Illya's missing and there's suddenly this weird cat being friendly to them. I wanted to headcanon Napoleon as allergic to cats, always wanting to pet one but being unable because he immediately starts sneezing and stuff, and pallas cat!Illya being the one that Napoleon can finally cuddle. Then I found out that people allergic to domestic cats are very likely to be allergic to wild cats as well. But I might disregard that fact. Haven't decided yet.

I have just the very beginning written, so I don't think any snippet I can provide will be super exciting, but here we go:

As he walks towards the hut, he feels like Ivan in Морозко. At least this hut has no chicken legs and hopefully any potential inhabitants will be more pleasant than a Baba Yaga. The trees around him don’t look particularly sentient either.

Illya shakes away those impractical thoughts. He is heading right towards potential danger. He should be focused. His hand feels stiff from the cold, but he puts it on his gun regardless.

He’s nearly at the door when it suddenly swings open. He stares at the elderly woman, surprised by her sudden appearance. “Come inside quickly! It’s very cold,” she beckons him.

As for the pilot/ATC AU, one of the ideas is that due to technical problems at the FAA, no planes are allowed to take off, because they wouldn't be able to fly safely without their fancy systems working properly (based on a real event: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023_FAA_system_outage). So, Illya is stuck at the airport, but at least he has Napoleon to talk to. This may involve lots of teasing from other pilots. And maybe a pilot, who is very irritated about the whole situation and is acting like an asshole.

[nancypullen]

Plot Twist

Greetings from the Radisson Hotel at JFK! We should be home, tucked into our own bed and surrounded by kitties. Delta had other plans for us. Initially our flight showed a one hour delay out of Paris-Charles De Gaulle due to an "unexpected equipment change". We boarded at the new time and then we sat and sat and sat. Seems that the French equivalent of the FAA staged a surprise inspection and our plane did not pass. Gulp. It was supposedly some minor issue with the exhaust on a right engine, but we weren't permitted to depart until maintenance fixed it. We watched our one hour delay creep into a four hour delay and eat up every minute of our connection time in JFK. It's helpless feeling when you're already sitting on the plane. Rats! When we arrived at JFK we cleared customs, grabbed our bags, and went right to the assistance counter. The gentleman there was so good to us. Without any begging on our part he gave us a hotel voucher, a taxi voucher, and meal vouchers. We hardly had to lift a finger and we didn't have to spend a dime. We walked to our taxi, he drove us the 10 minutes to this lovely hotel and at 5am Paris time (11pm) local we ate cheeseburgers in our room because we were starving. It's now nearly midnight and we're ready to turn off the lights and call it a day. What a day! The first flight to Baltimore tomorrow is at 3pm (unless we want to go through Detroit or Atlanta and risk another connection, no thank you). So we'll finally get home just after the dinner hour tomorrow. Not a perfect ending to the trip, but certainly could have been worse. Until tomorrow - stay well, stay safe, stay positive (that one was hard today!). XOXO, Nancy

[bekolxeram]

I recall shortly before the S8 premiere, someone wished me an enjoyable viewing experience, even though the aviation inaccuracies would probably be painful for me. Well, I'm happy to report, quite the opposite! I was pleasantly surprised by the good balance between visuals, storytelling and accuracy. So here I am, saying my gratitude to the writers and consultants.

Fuck yes! I've never been subtle about my dislike for the Airport film series. I can absolutely overlook the aviation inaccuracies or gravity defying physics, but the most grating sound for me in Airport 1975 is Mr. chief flight instructor calling Nancy the flight attendant "honey", over and over again.

Sure, they're romantically involved, but at one point even the air traffic controller calls her honey. The men in this film also generally treat Nancy like she's dumb and talk to her like a baby, even though she manages to slowly figure out how to rudimentarily keep the plane flying, without any former training. I'm glad 9-1-1 calls out this era specific sexism in its first scene of the season. I want to hug the writers.

You, sir, should stay in the 70s.

I mentioned here that since the 80s, we have systems in place to prevent mid-air collisions. We can see both of them in action here. The air traffic controller has an alert pop up on her radar, she warns the Beechcraft pilot of incoming traffic just as she's trained to, and she instructs the pilot to make an immediate right turn. The Airbus on the other hand also has an independent avoidance system.(Mandatory on all commercial jet airliners with 30+ passenger seats per FAA) When it detects possible conflicting aircraft nearby, it gives the flight crew an audible advice to resolve the conflict. In this case, to climb. Unfortunately, even the most well-designed safety net can't stop a dumbass.

Just like the helicopter pilots in The Swarm (1978), Mr. rich asshole here sees a weird cloud, so he decides to fly straight into it. Those turn out to be angry bees and they're pouring into the plane through an air vent, so what will he do to get himself down on the the group ASAP? Request vectors to the nearest airfield for an emergency landing? Oh no, he takes off his headset, so that the bees can attack his ears too. Then he twists his yoke around like he's driving a go-kart. No wonder the TCAS onboard the Airbus can't predict what the hell this guy is doing.

Oh, this is not related to aviation. I just think Athena looks like a boss here.

Flying from Phoenix to Los Angeles only takes 1.5 hours, so it's usually done with a narrow body, single-aisle aircraft, in spite of the demand. Yet, Athena is definitely on a wide body, twin-aisle plane. (Honestly the wide body set looks so much better on camera than a cramped 737) The writers can simply leave it be, like many shows before them. It's not like a lot of viewers can tell the difference, unless you're a weirdo like me. Surprisingly, the wide body short hop to LAX turns out to be a plot point.

Someone is going after Dennis Jenkins, so Athena has to get themselves onto another flight. They're apparently in such a hurry that the only one available actually goes to Honolulu, with a stopover at LAX, so technically a long haul flight. 10/10 perfection.

Ahh, the cockpit. It's good enough? It's an A320 cockpit set with an A330 cabin, but no one's gonna be able to tell or mind. Yes, an A320 cockpit is smaller and narrower, but it basically has the same control panels and instruments as the A330, maybe with a screen or two fewer. (Also the circuit breakers are located in different places, but who cares lol) The important thing is, it looks gorgeous and modern.

Also, wonderful hole placement. (heh) The flight computers are situated in the avionics compartment underneath the cockpit, so a hole on top is much better than a hole from under. It also looks like it manages to just avoid the overhead panel. Some wires seem to be exposed to the element, but most of the buttons are still lit up, so still connected to the power supply. The Otto Pilot autopilot seems to have survived as well.

Looks good enough to me. The Primary Flight Display and the Navigation Display are flipped, but it's basically unnoticeable to the untrained eye. If you do recognize it, then you'll know it's already pretty good for a TV show.

Let's play a game, what do you think the instrument in the middle is?

[mrm101]

Update: The deorbit retro burn was conducted at 20:44UT (21 Feb) followed by return capsule separation. Landing was at 21:40UT in the USAF Utah Test & Training Range (UTTR). There was no coverage of any kind, but hopefully some pictures later. The capsule will now be returned to Los Angeles and the vials of Ritonavir will be shipped to partner 'Improved Pharma' for characterisation. Hypersonic flight data was shared with NASA and USAF. Another mission is planned later this year.

Update: Second of three burns conducted to change orbit for landing early this morning (21 Feb), no time or details given, raising the apogee of its orbit. The final burn should be the retro burn for landing. No time has been given by Varda or Rocket Lab but the FAA has between 21:05 and 21:32UT listed on its Operational Plan.

Landing tomorrow (21 Feb) will be the return capsule of Varda Space Industries W-1 'Winnibago-1'. The first of four (so far) spacecraft designed to autonomously produce 'things' in microgravity and then return the results in a small, 2.5m (3ft) diameter capsule. The products in question are things like silicon for microchips and pharmaceutical products. This first one has been producing Ritonavir crystals, a drug commonly used as an antiviral medication for HIV and hepatitis C (the reentry capsule itself can also be used to test new designs of heat shields, hypersonic sensors or communications systems etc). It was launched along with 71 other satellites on one of SpaceX's Falcon 9 (232) rideshare missions called Transporter 8 on 12 June 2023. It had been due to return in September but the FAA refused to issue a reentry license because the paperwork had not been filed correctly between them and the USAF who own the landing site (not surprising really as this would be the first such licence issued to a commercial company). Varda had been looking to land in Australia instead when the FAA granted the license on 14 February. It will be landing at the USAF Utah Test & Training Range (UTTR), the same place that the OSIRIS Rex return capsule landed, but no landing time has been posted yet.

The spacecraft and capsule have been built, and is being operated, by Rocket Lab, based on their Photon spacecraft but launched on a Falcon 9 rather than their own Electron rocket. The capsule and Photon spacecraft are pictured during launch assembly, the cylinder at the back is the multiple payload adapter ring of the Falcon 9, so the craft is the gold bit. Pic: Varda/Rocket Lab.

[ceaaviation]

Which institute is best for pilot training in Delhi?

Are you dreaming of becoming a pilot and looking for the best institute for pilot training in Delhi? Look no further! Choosing the right school is crucial in your journey towards achieving your aviation goals. With so many options available, it can be overwhelming to decide which school will provide you with quality education, comprehensive training programs, and industry-standard facilities. In this blog post, we’ve done the research for you and will introduce you to the best institute for pilot training in Delhi - CEA Aviation. Read on to find out why they’re our top pick and what sets them apart from other schools in Delhi!

Which city is best for pilot training in Delhi?

When it comes to pilot training, Delhi offers a plethora of choices. However, choosing the right city for your pilot training depends on several factors such as weather conditions, airspace restrictions, and availability of industry-standard facilities. While there are many cities in India that offer quality pilot training programs, Delhi stands out for its favorable weather conditions and diverse airspace. The pleasant year-round climate allows students to fly almost every day without any interruptions due to unfavorable weather conditions. Moreover, Delhi's strategic location provides access to some of the busiest airports in India. This makes learning how to operate under complex air traffic control more accessible for aspiring pilots. Additionally, with world-class aviation infrastructure like IGI airport and state-of-the-art simulators available at various flight schools across Delhi NCR region provide ample opportunities for students who want comprehensive practical experience during their training period. If you're looking forward to pursuing your career as a commercial airline pilot then opting for best institute of Pilot Training school is highly recommended in Delhi-NCR.

Which is the No 1 pilot school in Delhi?

Delhi, being the national capital of India, is home to some of the best pilot training schools in the country. However, when it comes to choosing the No 1 pilot school in Delhi, there are certain factors that need to be considered. One of these factors is accreditation. The No 1 pilot school in Delhi should be accredited by regulatory bodies such as DGCA and FAA. These accreditations ensure that the school meets international standards for aviation safety and maintenance. Another factor is reputation. The No 1 pilot school in Delhi should have a good reputation among students and industry professionals alike. This can be determined by reading online reviews or talking to current and former students. Infrastructure also plays an important role in determining which is the No 1 pilot school in Delhi. The facilities at the school should include modern simulators, well-maintained aircrafts, spacious classrooms and experienced instructors. All things considered; CEA Aviation stands out as one of the top choices for aspiring pilots looking for quality training programs that meet international standards while being affordable at affordable prices. With their state-of-the-art infrastructure combined with highly qualified instructors who go above and beyond what's expected , it's no surprise why CEA Aviation has earned its place as one of the leading names within Indian aviation education today!

What is the cost of pilot training in Delhi?

Pilot training is a significant investment, and the cost of pilot training in Delhi can vary depending on several factors. The total cost of pilot training includes not only flight hours but also ground school classes, simulator sessions, books, supplies and equipment. On average, the cost to obtain a Private Pilot License (PPL) in Delhi ranges from INR 15-25 lakhs. However, this estimate may vary based on several factors such as the type of aircraft used for training and the location of the flight school. Additionally, obtaining an Instrument Rating (IR) can add another INR 8-10 lakhs to your expenses. A Commercial Pilot License (CPL) will require you to invest around INR 30-40 lakhs. It's essential to keep in mind that these costs are estimates and don't include any unforeseen expenses such as additional flight time or retakes for exams. It would be best if you did thorough research before choosing a flight school that fits your budget. While it's tempting to choose a lower-priced option when it comes to pilot training courses, quality should be prioritized over affordability. Choosing an institute with experienced instructors and modern facilities will ultimately help save money by ensuring minimal retakes and quicker completion times.

CEA Aviation - best pilot training in Delhi

CEA Aviation is one of the top and most reputed pilot training institutes in Delhi. They offer a wide range of flight training courses for aspiring pilots who want to pursue their careers in aviation. The institute has state-of-the-art facilities, experienced instructors, and modern aircraft that make it an ideal place for learning how to fly. One of the key reasons why CEA Aviation stands out from other pilot schools in Delhi is its focus on safety. The institute adheres strictly to international safety standards and protocols to ensure that every student receives safe and quality training. Their fleet of aircraft undergoes regular maintenance checks, ensuring that they are airworthy at all times. Another advantage of choosing CEA Aviation for your pilot training is the flexibility they offer with their courses. They provide both full-time as well as part-time courses based on the needs and preferences of students. Additionally, their competitive course fees make them affordable even for students with limited resources. CEA Aviation provides excellent placement opportunities after completing your training program successfully. They have tie-ups with leading airlines across India and abroad which gives trainees a better chance at getting hired upon graduation. In summary, if you're looking for high-quality pilot training in Delhi with excellent facilities, experienced faculty members, flexible scheduling options, competitive pricing structure as well as job placements then look no further than CEA Aviation!

Why Choose CEA Aviation ?

Choosing the right pilot training institute is crucial for any aspiring pilot. With so many options available in Delhi, it can be overwhelming to make a decision. However, CEA Aviation stands out as the top choice for several reasons. Not only do they have experienced instructors and state-of-the-art equipment, but their focus on personalized attention ensures that each student receives individualized guidance throughout their training. Moreover, their commitment to safety and adherence to international standards makes them one of the most trustworthy names in aviation education. Additionally, CEA Aviation offers competitive pricing options and flexible schedules to accommodate students’ needs. Whether you’re looking for a full-time course or weekend classes while working part-time, they have various programs designed to fit your schedule. If you’re considering pursuing a career as a pilot in Delhi or anywhere else in India, CEA Aviation should be at the top of your list. With its world-class facilities combined with its expert faculty members who are committed towards ensuring your success - there’s no better place than this Institute!

Read More Details - https://ceaaviation.org/best-pilot-training-institute-in-delhi/

[nationalaviationcenter]

How to Enter a Plane into the FAA Registry Online

If you have always dreamt of owning your own aircraft, there is no time like the present to turn that dream into a reality. With an aircraft all your own, you have the freedom to take to the skies whenever the urge should strike you, allowing you to cruise above the clouds to your heart’s content. It is worth understanding, though, that purchasing an airplane is not exactly the result of a casual decision. First, you will obviously need to take the educational courses and log the training hours necessary to obtain your pilot’s license. Once you have done that, you can begin thinking about what type of plane is right for you. There is a multitude of different makes and models out there, so you may find yourself doing a fair amount of research. Once you know what you want, however, you can browse online listings and locate a seller near you. With the funds exchanged and the keys to your new aircraft in your hand, you may be ready to clear the runway. First, though, there are some paperwork formalities to complete with the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), chief among them being adding your aircraft to the FAA registry.

Being able to pilot your own aircraft is a significant privilege. As there is a high level of training and expertise required to do this, it should come as no real surprise that air travel–in all its forms–is a rather tightly-regulated industry. The FAA has been around in its current iteration for roughly 70 years, and they serve as the nation’s primary transportation agency for all things in the air. With thousands of employees, the FAA monitors and regulates air traffic, while also providing pilot licenses and documenting aircraft via the FAA registry. In your career as an aviator, you will find the need to work with the FAA periodically, and as a responsible aircraft owner, the onus is on you to stay on top of your documentation obligations. While such matters are compulsory by law and serve to keep the skies safe for all, there is also a benefit to you as an airplane owner to keep your information current. For one thing, the FAA values your input, and they may send you surveys from time to time asking for feedback about proposed rule changes and safety guidelines. They will also notify you about seminars occurring in your area that can provide real educational value. Read on to learn more about how to register your airplane online.

The Forms to Know for Entering the FAA Registry

So, you found the plane of your dreams. This discovery was also the culmination of months of due diligence, and perhaps years of saving the necessary funds. With your new aircraft firmly in your possession, you are probably pretty eager to get up in the air. Well, before you can take off, you will need to register your aircraft with the FAA. All airplanes owned and operated in the United States must complete the registration process. When you register your aircraft, you are also assigned an N-number, which is sometimes referred to as a tail number. This alphanumeric string of digits serves to identify your aircraft, and you do have the option to customize it within certain parameters. Perhaps there is a date or a set of initials that are important to you? By requesting a custom N-number from the FAA’s office in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, you can put a personalized touch on your aircraft.

To complete the process of registering your aircraft, you will need to complete what is known as Form AC 8050-1 – Aircraft Registration Application. This document will prompt you for some basic information about your airplane, such as its manufacturer, model, and serial number. You will also need to provide your name and address. Once processed, your registration will be valid for a period of three years. Six months before your registration is set to expire, the FAA will send you a reminder to submit a renewal request. This notice will include a security code, which must be entered on your request form. The FAA, for their part, will send you a follow-up eight weeks ahead of your expiration date as a helpful nudge as well.

Processing Your FAA Paperwork Online

If you are looking to enter the FAA registry, you have a few available options. One method is to visit the FAA’s website, locate the AC 8050-1 form, download it, print it out, fill it in by hand, and mail it back to the FAA for processing. There is also a more efficient, online way to do this, and that is by working with us at the National Aviation Center. We have a host of online forms for this and a number of other FAA matters. To learn more about our services and how we can help you, contact one of our customer service agents or browse through our site.

[gearproguide]

DRONE LAWS.. DO YOU NEED TO FOLLOW THEM?

Drones are remarkable pieces of technology. For hobby pilots, flying a small unmanned aircraft at high speeds is better with the incredible video capture to record your flight. For the entrepreneurial pilot, drones have become a way to photograph structures, events and even wash windows. It should be no surprise that there will be laws and regulations involved when talking about high-speed aircraft. Understanding the laws surrounding drone operation is key to staying safe and reducing the chances of ending up with a fine. We are covering federal regulations and a few state regulations. Contact local law enforcement agencies for more information about your state or municipality. No harm ever came from a call.

All drones over 250 grams or just over half a pound must be registered with the FAA (The Federal Aviation Administration), regardless of their use. To differentiate some of the laws surrounding drones, there are two categories: recreational and commercial. As you will see, most drone laws are based on safety and ensuring responsible users are piloting drones.

RECREATIONAL LAWS

In layman’s terms, recreational drone use is anything for your enjoyment. Flying your drone for fun or taking pictures of the beach for your enjoyment are examples of recreational drone use.

REGISTER AND LABEL YOUR DRONE

As stated earlier, owners must register any drone over half a pound. Registration costs five dollars and is valid for three years. Once registration is complete, you can label the drone with the registration number. Having the ID on the drone allows someone to return it if found or contact the owner if there is a crash. You will need a copy of the registration while piloting the drone; this also extends to anyone else who may borrow your drone. Recently, the FAA changed this rule to require all drones to have a remote ID, not just a simple label strip. Remote IDs are transmitters either attached or, in many cases, just updated software that broadcasts the drone’s information to other parties. Information transmitted includes its flight path, model number, altitude, and speed. Anyone who has watched a flight tracker can visualize the information displayed.

PASS THE RECREATIONAL UAS SAFETY TEST (TRUST)

Like taking your driving test, all drone pilots must take the The Recreational UAS Safety Test or TRUST. The test is separated into four parts. These descriptions are taken directly from the FAA website.

Read More

[gentrychild]

Determinate the safest seat in a flight is such an idle exercise… I’m totally in.

There’s not easy answer. One should consider plane model, route of flight, kind of incidents to evaluate, cabin configuration and more.

FAA made a study pondering casualties in accidents with fatal victims and injured. They say that the seats with lowest fatality rates: are those in the back section of the plane and in the midsection of cabin.

Other school of thought consider the seats next to emergency exits the safest. Personally i favor this.

However, air travel is the safest transport already. In future that trait should just improve. The chances of being in a plane that suffers a fatal accident are 1 in 20,000,000. And the chances of dying in a commercial airplane accident are 1 in 3,370,000,000. Riding a car is way more dangerous.

I’d really want to think that in BNHA the statistics are even better and present problems in transportation were solved. The fuel of the planes for example, would make sense they use hydrogen, ethanol or electricity. Same could be for cars and ships. But considering the dystopian society Hori made, wouldn’t surprise me if they still use dinosaur juice.

Anyone!Izuku seems to me the kind of person who’d survive a plane crash and save his fellow passengers on the way.

It's fascinating! Thank you for answering my question!

Also, dinosaur juice is a lovely term.

I can confirm that Anyone!Izuku would survive a plane crash and if there are other people with him, he would probably manage to save him. However, knowing his luck, he would get separated from them, end up on an abandoned island, adores being finally left alone, only for AFO to find him the next day and to tell him the vacations are over.

[name-me-regret]

If The World Was Ending 3/?

If The World Was Ending Chapter Three: California Dreamin’

Read on AO3.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

“All the leaves are brown And the sky is grey I've been for a walk On a winter's day I'd be safe and warm If I was in L.A. California dreamin' On such a winter's day

Stopped into a church I passed along the way Well, I got down on my knees And I pretend to pray You know the preacher liked the cold He knows I’m gonna stay California Dreamin’...”

~California Dreamin’ - Barry McGuire

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Tony sprang to his feet as he immediately rushed toward the suit that opened up for him. The skylight he’d had installed after invasion slid open and he blasted into the sky. “J, deploy the Iron Legion now!” As he did, he remembered Evan and he pulled up where the tsunami had hit and felt cold terror grip him as he saw that the Santa Monica pier had been taken out. “Shit! JARVIS, what’s my ETA?”

The HUD popped up a calculation. “At the speed you’re going, your estimated time of arrival should be three hours.”

That was unacceptable. He put more power into the thrusters as he could, and heard the BOOM as he broke the sound barrier somewhere over Lake Eerie. “At this speed ETA is two hours,” JARVIS intoned without having to be asked.

“What about the Iron Legion?” Tony was so relieved now that he hadn’t destroyed the rest of his suits after the Battle of Norco.

“ETA four minutes,” JARVIS told him. That was a much better time since when it came to natural disasters, especially involving large amounts of water, every minute, every second counted. Tony set his suit to auto-pilot for the remainder of the flight, making sure to call the FAA. He didn’t want any aircraft to accidentally stray into his path, and he’d be a disaster on top of a disaster.

“Give me eyes as soon as they reach the affected areas. Also, patch me into the channel the first responders use.” A few minutes later his HUD was filled with live feed from the suits, and he was rendered speechless at what he saw. Tony wished he could speed up past Mach 5 without the suit falling apart.

He decided to concentrate on what he could do (and not on a certain someone), and pulled up the stats on the suits that were functional. Out of the 35 suits he’d made between the invasion of Manhattan and the Mandarin Incident, there were nine viable suits. It was the Mark 20: Python, Mark 25: Striker/Thumper, Mark 28: Jack, Mark 33: Silver Centurion, Mark 34: Southpaw, Mark 36: Peacemaker, Mark 37: Hammerhead, Mark 38: Igor, and Mark 41: Bones.

Tony wished the Mark 35 would have survived, since the Red Snapper was made to save people during natural disasters; for example, rescuing victims trapped during an earthquake. He’d gotten the idea after the 7.1 earthquake that had hit LA, and now a year and a half later they’re hit with a tsunami. Unfortunately, Killian had destroyed it during the Battle of Norco.

Well, Southpaw would have to do, even if Red Snapper would have been better with its extendable and retractable claws. At least Hammerhead would come in handy, since it could remain submerged for long periods of time.

“This is Iron Man. I have multiple suits flying over the city and ready to help out. Just point me in the right direction and I’ll help where I can.” Almost immediately he was flooded with calls of trapped civilians, several inside and on top of their houses. He told JARVIS to concentrate on the ones trapped inside their houses, since there was another wave and the water was rising alarmingly fast. There were some people still trapped in their vehicles and unfortunately they couldn’t get to everyone on time.

He directed the suits where to go that they’d be the most useful. Tony heard dispatch call Swift Water Command, calling in a Code Three. Tony heard the commander say they were delayed and luckily J had a suit in the area. It was Bones and he saw the armor detach into several pieces and break through two roof vents to save a man trapped in the attic of his flooding house. As he watched the suits save people; Hammerhead dove for a little girl that had fallen into the water from off the roof of her house when she slipped, and Igor large enough that it could fly with several people hanging from it to take them to higher ground, he was even more glad he hadn’t destroyed the suits.

Sure he loved Pepper and would do anything for her, but with every life he saved, he remembered why he’d become Iron Man in the first place. He’d remembered those soldiers he’d laughed and joked with before they’d been gunned down, with his own weapons no less, and knew he’d made the right choice to not quit this. And maybe Pepper would come around and maybe she wouldn’t, but he refused to be guilted for doing something that saved people’s lives; even if at the times he was so sick and tired, and so inured he could barely move or breathe without something hurting.

It was more important to be able to help people, made him feel like he was alive for a reason. He’d told her three years ago, that he shouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for a reason, and this was that reason. It wasn’t fighting Killian and aliens, but helping and protecting the people from those threats.

It was almost two hours later, after remotely piloting the other suits, that he was physically flying over the city. The water still hadn’t receded, and three more waves had hit, and hopefully that would be the end of it but he doubted it. Tony wanted to call Evan and make sure he was alright, but cell phone service was wonky at the moment. Besides, he didn’t want to tie up the line when there were others that needed actual help. Evan’s apartment was out of the flood zone, so he was sure he was fine. He was weirdly glad he had a serious blood clot condition that had him confined to his home, and not out there with the rest of the first responders. Tony wouldn’t be able to concentrate if he knew Evan was in danger.

He decided not to unpack all of that right now and quickly dismissed the rest of the live feeds of the Iron Legion, letting JARVIS take over. Although now that he’d seen some of what was required for something of this magnitude, he knew he needed to remake Red Snapper and more Iron Legion, probably a special force that could be used for natural disasters. While Southpaw was for natural disasters as well, it was mostly to protect the user from damage from natural disasters. He needed more armors that had emergency features, like medical features such as the ability to be used as a defibrillator or even carry oxygen or breathing equipment for CPR.

Tony headed toward the pier, since flooding was still extensive, and he heard calls earlier of first responders being needed at the Santa Monica Pier. As he neared where the worst of the flooding was, he saw that the whole pier was underwater. There saw also an actual Ferris wheel that was still standing after all three waves, but it wouldn’t hold for much longer.

As he neared, he saw that the wave was starting to recede, going in the other direction. He heard the ones at the Ferris wheel call the coast guard. ‘Coast Guard, Coast Guard. This is Captain Nash LAFD. We need a miracle at the pier. We need one quick.’ As the helicopter flew in, the Ferris wheel started to tip, and he blasted forward.

“Incoming, Captain Nash!” he called over the speaker on his suit, arriving in time to catch the Ferris wheel as it almost toppled. Tony saw that most of the people had been evacuated except for the one who was being airlifted and a woman with curly hair, as well as two first responders, both firefighters by the looks of it.

“Iron Man!” he heard someone call in surprise.

“Yes, I’ll sign autographs later,” he joked, “but right now this thing is coming down and I might not be able to hold it for long.” The two firefighters, one Hispanic man and another Caucasian woman had just finished lowering the woman and now looked at each other, unclipped from their lines and jumped, landing feet first in the water. “Ten out of ten!” Tony called, “now let’s go go go!” They scrambled onto the speed boats as Tony grunted as the debris hit it hard and it started to put a strain on the armor. When he saw they were clear, he let it drop as he flew out of the way barely in time from getting knocked down by it.

He met them at the entrance of the pier by the sign that read ‘•Yacht Harbor• SPORT FISHING •BOATING Cafes’, the water still high enough that it reach most of their calves. If he’d been in any armor before the Mark 8, he’d have thought twice before landing in the water. However the Mark 43 was a better version of all the armors that had come before. He wanted to see if anyone needed help.

“Iron Man,” he heard someone call. Tony turned to see a stern looking man in his early fifties with a helmet on his head and the red vest that declared him a fire captain. This must be Captain Nash. He was wet and obviously tired, but there was still a certain amount of authority to the set of his shoulders. He had the kind of presence Howard had given off, but tempered with something softer Tony couldn’t identify.

“That’s me,” he said as he lifted up the face plate but refrained from stepping out of the suit. He didn’t want to get his shoes wet, and besides, this man appeared to be at good six feet and even if it was only two or three inches, he hated feeling short. Especially when it was from a man that reminded him if even just a tiny bit of Howard. “But just Tony, please. What can I do for you, Captain?”

Nash extended his hand, and Tony took it without hesitation. He had more respect for first responders than any bureaucratic asshole that wanted to shake his hand and play nice for the cameras. “Bobby Nash of the 118. Thank you for the assist,” giving his gauntlet covered hand a firm shake. Tony liked the sincerity in his voice.

“It was no problem, Cap. I didn’t really do much,” he assured. The man’s lips quirked a bit, whether in annoyance or amusement, it was hard to tell. Bobby Nash had one of those faces that gave almost nothing away. “Do you need anymore assistance?”

The woman opened her mouth but Bobby held a hand to stop her. The woman’s nametag, which was surprisingly still on, read Bosko, and the man had Diaz on his. Tony wondered why that sounded familiar. “We have a missing member of Firehouse 136, Captain Ronnie Cooper. There’s also a lot of people trapped and missing. I had thought I heard that Iron Man was helping out, and it’s nice to see it’s true.”

“Sure am, wherever it’s needed.” He’d already been able to help a lot of people and hoped to continue as long as his body and the power supply on his armors allowed. “I’ll keep an eye out for Captain Cooper, and if you need help with anything, give me a holler. There are several other suits flying over the city. So, even if I’m not nearby, my co-pilot JARVIS will be able to assist you if I can’t.”

He gave the man a salute that wasn’t meant to be at all mocking, and then the faceplate snapped shut before he blasted into the air. Tony wanted to make sure there weren’t any locations that had been damaged that could potentially become deadly. The last thing he needed was for the water to catch on fire if there was any gas spillage, and he expected it’d be a terrifying sight.

“J, try Evan’s phone,” he said. “Also, bring up satellite images of Hawaii. I don’t want to be blindsided in case they were hit as well.”

“Bringing up images right now, sir. Also, I’m getting no response from Mr. Buckley’s phone.” This made Tony worry, since Evan always answered his phone (even when he called him an old man for calling and not texting). He couldn’t do anything though, since he was needed right where he was. Tony couldn’t just rush to Evan’s apartment, there was no flooding in the area, and there were people in need of help. So, he reluctantly continued on.

“You better be safe, Evan,” he muttered.-

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The First David Job

leverage 1.12

sophie organized the notecards for the intervention

- - - - -

Sophie: Drunk again?

Nate: Are we still unclear? I'm a functioning alcoholic, you know? And the trick is not to get hung up on the "alcoholic." But celebrate the "functioning" part of the sentence.

- - - - -

Nate: Yeah, I- I know all this.

Hardison: No, no, no. See, while you are well-versed in dead-guy art, I myself am not. My entire criminal career is based on technology built after 1981. So I am riveted. Quite so. Please, do go on.

- - - - -

Hardison: Man, am I glad I don't have to break in there. That is one sick security system.

Parker: What, with our tools? Give me three days of prep, it'd be like taking diamonds from the French national bank. That's like taking candy from a baby.

Hardison: I got it.

Parker: A very easy thing to do.

Hardison: Got...it

I love her

- - - - -

Parker: Oh, look, little buddy. (picks up fake statue) That's your new home!

Hardison: Can you please not play with the little naked man? Please.

Parker: I'm not. (sets the statue down)

- - - - -

Eliot: You guys--you know each other?

Ian: Of course. Maggie is Nate’s ex-wife.

Eliot (nervously): Oh.

eliot being completely RATTLED lmfao

- - - - -

Parker: Which conversation do you want to listen to?

Hardison: That's what stereo was invented for.

- - - - -

Hardison: Now, Nate, is Maggie a very good Art Inspector?

Nate: Yeah, she's the best.

Parker: No, no, no, we can't let your ex-wife anywhere near our little naked man!

parker: don’t talk to me or my naked son ever again

- - - - -

Hardison: No, no. Nate, we haven't done any prep. We don't have our tools.

Parker: You want me to break into a secure storage facility with whatever I can scrounge up at the buffet table?

Nate: Pretty much, yeah.

Parker: Cool. I think Sophie left some dresses in here. (turns to look through things)

Hardison: I'll go, too. I, uh, I got a white shirt. I can go wait staff.

(Parker takes off her shirt and Hardison looks the other way, turning the fake statue away from her as well)

hardison is a bashful lil respectful boy and we stan him for it

- - - - -

parker walking in in that amazing dress and everyone looking? good, it’s what she deserves (I’m gay)

- - - - -

Parker: Door's got a silent alarm. (to Sophie) You should hide. (to Hardison) We should pretend to make out.

Hardison: Make what?

(Parker grabs Hardison and they begin to kiss and she pushes the door open a little)

[Founder’s Reception]

(Nate and Eliot turn to look at the building as the sounds of making out come over the comms)

[Museum]

(Sophie goes around a corner out of sight)

Hardison: Let's talk about-- A little bit--

(Parker and Hardison continue to make out. Two guards approach and seem embarrassed. One clears his throat)

Guard: You, uh, bumped the door there. Sets the alarm off.

Hardison: You know what?

Parker: Oh.

Hardison: We, you know how it is.

Parker: Sorry.

(guards walk away and Sophie rejoins them)

Parker: Makeup. (takes makeup from Sophie) Come on. (goes through door)

Hardison: Can we talk about the pretending? That was nice.

(Sophie pushes him after Parker and returns to the party)

poor hardison’s heart must be beating wildly

- - - - -

Eliot: Which one of you did she kiss?

(Sophie sighs)

IMAGINE IF IT HAD GONE THE OTHER WAY THO

- - - - -

parker’s laser grid dodging skills are legendary + her delight when she stands up to see the first david !!!

also we stan a QUEEN who broke into a vault with only a glass of ice, a roll of aluminum foil, gum, and eyeshadow (and a fake makeout sesh)

- - - - -

Hardison: You did not just think about this on the way in from the van.

Parker: Some people do crosswords

- - - - -

Maggie: I-I just, I’m just trying to tell you that I still care.

Nate: No, I-I was –

Maggie: Care what happens to you, I mean. I've never stopped caring about you, Nate

maggie is such a genuinely good person and we love her for it

- - - - -

Parker: Ready?

(Hardison uses his phone to access remote system)

Parker: Come on, come on.

[Parking Lot]

(alarms begin to blare an all the cars)

[Security Control Room]

Guard 1: Hey, the vibration alarm just went off in the restoration room.

Guard 2: Wait. (points at monitor) Look. The car alarms all went off in the parking lot.

Guard 1: Little earthquakes.

Guard 2: Just another tremor.

that’s so smart tho???

- - - - -

Parker tosses the real David to Hardison who catches it)

Hardison: Wha-you-- Don't throw the David.

Parker: You caught it, didn't you?

Hardison: You're crazy

I would have had a HEART ATTACK

- - - - -

Maggie: Adam!

Eliot (turns): Uh, yeah?

(Eliot stops as Nate continues away)

Maggie: Let me give you my number.

Eliot: Great.

[Leverage HQ]

Eliot: I'm sorry your wife gave me her phone number.

Nate: Don't want to talk about it.

Eliot: I-It was only to coordinate where we were gonna go anyway.

Nate: Not talking about it.

hardison is enjoying it so much in the background dnjsjajsjsnnsnn

- - - - -

(Parker puts the statue on the table between them)

Parker: We just stole an $8 million statue on, like, our day off! (she shakes their shoulders happily)

SHES BABY

- - - - -

Pilot: Uh, work? W-what are you talking about?

Hardison: Spot inspection. FAA. Now, look, I want to see this plane's TCAS, VRSM, and 8.1 FM spacing in operation to make sure it's fully functional and in compliance with the new FAA regulations.

Pilot: New regulations?

(Hardison takes out a pen and writes on a clipboard)

Hardison: Pilot unaware of latest regulations.

Pilot: Oh, the new regulations. Of course. Please, come this way. I'll take you right up.

Hardison: Oh, no, no. It's cool, it's cool. I don't need to go up. Just taxi me around the building.

Pilot: Taxi? I thought you need to get up in the air.

Hardison (writes on clipboard): Uncomfortable with black authority figures.

Pilot: Sir, please don't write that.

Hardison: Oh, I will write a letter to your mama if I feel like it.

Pilot: This way, please. It's in order. I-I promise. This way. It's okay. (to copilot) FAA, he's a hard-ass.

(copilot tries to get bags)

Pilot: Screw the bags. Let's go!

this was really funny but also SUCH A GOOD WAY to con people

- - - - -

quinn’s hair did nothing for him in this episode. i said what i said.

- - - - -

(Sophie and Nate get into his car and leave while Quinn continues to take pictures from the open door of the hanger. Eliot walks up behind him)

Eliot: I'm gonna count to three.

(Quinn turns and hits Eliot hard, knocking him across the floor)

Eliot: Nate, we're blown. W—

Nate: Eliot, what’s--

(several feet away, Eliot’s earpiece is lying on the floor. Eliot tries to scramble away, but Quinn kicks him in the ribs, throwing him back, and kicks him several times more)

Quinn: That rib's broken.

(Eliot manages to get to his feet)

Quinn: He said you'd be tougher than this.

quinn: *is a really good fighter*

eliot: *surprised pikachu face*

ALSO the reason eliot was beat up so bad in the beginning was because he kept on trying to get back to his comm every chance he got INSTEAD of truly fighting back. his first priority was warning his team over his own personal safety and ugh we stan a man who cares about his family

- - - - -

,,, imagine you’re driving on a highway and see a chick jump off a bridge onto an armored car, pick its lock and then BREAK INTO said armored car ,,, wyd

- - - - -

poor hardison was ready to relax ,,, he got a soda and made himself some popcorn too

- - - - -

(Quinn and Eliot both stand hunched over, breathing hard)

Quinn: Why won't you go down?

(Eliot laughs, blood falling from his mouth to the floor. Quinn comes at him again, but Eliot catches him and knees him in the chest several times before pushing him away. Quinn falls to his hands and knees, gasping for air)

Eliot: Now that rib's broken.

(Eliot hits Quinn in the face hard, sending him to the floor. Holding his ribs, Eliot walks to the earpiece and puts it in)

payback is sweet

- - - - -

Sterling: Mr. Spencer?

(Quinn is still unconscious as Eliot walks out the hanger doors, breathing hard, limping and holding his ribs)

Eliot: Hey, Sterling. I got some dental work with your name on it. What do you say me and you hook up so I can give it to you?

- - - - -

Sophie: Sterling knows us. He knows how we think.

Nate: So we think like somebody else

THEY THINK LIKE THEIR KIDS

- - - - -

Nate: With a couple broken ribs and a concussion, I don't think Eliot can take out six guys.

(Eliot looks like he’d give it a try)

Nate: You know, but then I thought, "what would Hardison do?"

(Hardison looks at Nate in surprise)

(Eliot pulls out his phone and accesses the computer system, sending a high pitched whine into the comm. devices of the guards. They all bend over in pain. Eliot punches the one closest to him. Nate grabs Geary and slams his head down on the table. Hardison hits another guard in the face with his tied hands)

THAT MEANS ELIOT WAS ALSO THINKING LIKE HARDISON IF HE KNEW WHAT TO DO WITH THE PHONE AND WAS READY FOR IT

also YEET hardison is a badass but wbk

- - - - -

(Parker runs for Sophie. Sterling and his men run for Sophie and Parker. Parker reaches Sophie first and the dive from the roof, Sophie screaming and Parker laughing all the way down)

parker is the only character I’ve ever seen that can scream “yeehaw” and “yahoooooo” without it sounding ridiculous

- - - - -

(Eliot walks into the lobby, holding his ribs. He turns to yell over his shoulder)

Eliot: Hardison!

(Eliot follows Nate toward the door)

Hardison (breathing hard): Wait, Eliot. Eliot, come on.

(Eliot goes back inside)

Eliot: You've got to be kidding me, man.

(Eliot goes to help Hardison carry the painting out)

Hardison: Bring it out, come on.

Eliot: This is just weird.

Hardison: I painted this

okay so we all know that hardison actually hit a lot of cash in the painting but also, eliot actually goes back to help instead of just rolling his eyes and leaving hardison behind. eliot can get annoyed with him but he’d never leave him behind. not even on day one when hardison fell in the exploding building in the nigerian job. eliot was there for him then and he will be there for him for the rest of their lives.

ALSO I really hope eliot got his ribs checked out sometime soon after

- - - - -

Sterling: You're fired. Dust the whole place for fingerprints, okay? I want a forensic computer spec—

(the monitors come to life, showing Hardison’s face)

Hardison: Hey, Sterling. Get out of my house.

(display changes to a 30 second clock that begins to count down)

Sterling: Run. Run!

(all of the men run from the office, coming out onto the street)

Geary: Maybe he was bluffing.

(the entire floor of the building explodes, shooting fire)

Sterling: That's the funny thing about con men. They don't bluff.

- - - - -

the third “scattering scene” of the series

[dragon-kazansky]

Going North - Chapter ten

Chapter 10 - Gone

You had slept quite well that night. It must have been all the crying and worrying you had done. You felt good as you woke up in the tent. Through your blurry gaze you saw Lee's head poking out of his blankets. He was fast asleep. You smiled softly.

Due to your still sleepy brain you hadn't noticed what was wrong right away. Something wasn't quite right.

You rubbed your eyes and sat up. It was still early, judging by how quiet it was outside. You took a moment to wake up properly.

Then you noticed.

Lyra wasn't there.

At this moment in time it would be safe for you to assume she had just risen early. Perhaps she had gone too look for Iorek and they were talking just outside of camp. After everything that happened yesterday, you couldn't blame her.

You were careful not to disturb Lee as you climbed out of the tent. The cold air was sharp and cruel against your skin. You looked around.

What you saw was the last thing you had expected to see this morning.

You screamed.

Lee shot up quickly at the sound. Hester looked up at him with concern, noticing neither you or Lyra were with them. Lee was quick to scramble out of bed and rush outside where he found you standing. He hurries to your side and put and arm around you. He saw what you were looking at and turned you away from the sight.

At the sound of your scream, people had awoken. They were all coming out to see what the fuss was.

You cling onto Lee, still in shock.

"What happened?" You heard John Faa ask.

"Looks like the camp had been infiltrated during the night. Some of our men are dead." Lee gestured to the body lying next to your tent.

"You lot, check the camp." Faa gestured to some of the people and pointed in the other direction. People began to split up and check for any sign of who could have done this.

You pushed away from Lee gently.

"Have you seen Lyra?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"I heard you scream and came straight to you." He look worried. "She wasn't with you?"

"She was gone when I woke up. I was on my way to find Iorek, maybe they're together." You suggested.

"Let's go take a look." He offered you his hand. You took it, still shaken up.

Iorek had made his way back to the camp after a long night. He hadn't been anywhere near by, keeping to himself. He hadn't seen what had happened until he returned. He saw you and Lee and made his way over.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Someone came into camp last night. They killed those on guard and Lyra is missing. We thought she might be with you." You said, but your voice deflated towards the end as Iorek stood before you alone.

"I have been alone all night. I have not seen Lyra at all." He told you.

Lee pulled you into his side as you began to panic again.

"We'll find her." He whispered into your ear.

"We have a responsibility, Lee. We're supposed to look after her. Keep her safe. What if that wicked woman has her?" You looked up at him. "I can't let anything happen to Lyra."

Lee took you by the shoulders and looked you in the eye.

"You can't think like that. Wherever Lyra is, she has the alethiometer with her. You know her. If she's in trouble, she'll figure something out. Lyra's clever like that." He spoke so kindly to you.

"You're right. I'm driving myself crazy." You took a deep breath. "I'll try not to lash out again."

"Hey, you can lash out if you want. You have every reason to, but keep in mind that we're not going to let anything happen to her. Lyra will by our side again before you know it." He offered you a smile.

You smiled back.

"Right."

You heard shouting from back within the camp and went with Lee and Iorek to find out what it was all about. Everyone was being gathered by Lord Faa.

"Me must move." He yelled out. "It is not safe to remain here and we must reach Bolvangar. It appears Lyra has been taken from us. That is where they will take her. Move." He gestured for everyone to disperse. Faa looked over at you and Lee. "When we get there, find her." He told you both.

You both nodded.

Lee kept an arm around you as you both returned to your tent. The body was gone now, but the snow was still stained red.

You walked away from Lee to pack your things. Lee remained quiet, watching you from the corner of his eye as he grabbed his things. He was worried about you. It was obvious Lyra had become quite important to you.

You both had everything packed in good time. Iorek remained close to the pair of you as you all began to make your move. Though he would leave your side to help pull heavy loads at some point.

You remained close to Lee and the sled. He would need help making sure his balloon made it to where they were going.

Bolvangar was still so far away, but you had your mind set on Lyra and the others.

You hoped with everything you had that Lyra was with the other children. Lee was right. She was clever, she could handle things until you all got there.

"I can hear you thinking." Lee said, looking over at you.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise. You can talk to me, you know. I'm your friend, I'll listen." He gave you a small handsome smile. You couldn't help smiling back.

"Thank you, Lee. I'm glad we met, I don't know how I'd be able to keep calm without you." You chuckled. "I knew this was going to be stressful, but I can't help worrying about Lyra."

He continued to smile at you.

"We'll find her."

You nodded.

No one stopped travelling, and as you neared the mountains, the snow was getting thicker and heavier. Unfortunately, it was getting harder to move, but you all pushed on. At one point Lee had come up right beside you and stayed close. The path was becoming more narrow the further up you went, so he eventually had to leave your side to guide the sled from the front.

There was a slight gap in the path, so some long wooden boards were put down to use as a bridge. As the sled came to a stop, Lee, who was standing on the other side of the bridge, looked up.

"Do you you think you can make it around the sled?" He asked you.

"If someone can lift me over, I could climb over to you, but shouldn't we make sure the balloon makes it first?"

"I would feel a lot more comfortable knowing you were safe on this side, first." He held a hand out to you.

"We can't stay here." Faa yelled from further along the path.

You looked at the man next to you who understood what you were silently asking. He helped you climb over the sled. You were careful of the equipment under the tarp as you took careful and slow steps across the sled. Hester was near you feet, guiding you to the safest spots to stand on. When you made it to the front of the sled, you took Lee's hand and let him help you down and across the bridge. He made sure you and Hester were behind him as he guided the sled across, slowly.

There was a moment that the bridge wobbled and the sled looked like it was going to fall over the edge, but you grabbed onto the rope that was tied to the front and helped Lee, with the help of those pushing from the back, steady it.

Luckily the sled made it safely to the other side and, along with Mr Scoresby, you helped guide it from the front, the path still too narrow to go back to pushing.

"That was horrible." You muttered.

"I'm glad you made it across safely." He looked at you. "At least I can keep to my word."

"Your word?"

"Remember? I promised you a ride in my balloon. Both my balloon and you made it across safely, so I can keep to my word." He grinned at you.

You chuckled softly.

Lee remained by your side the rest of the way. Despite the situation, the group came to a stop when they reached safer ground. The stop wasn't going to be long one, considering no one knew where Lyra was or what was happening at her end.

"How much further until Bolvangar?" You asked Farder Coram, who had just left Lord Faa's side.

"We're much closer now. They are discussing our infiltration tactics now. You should rest up while you can." He looked at you kindly, then his gaze flickered up behind you. You turned around to see Lee and Iorek coming over.

"Right." You muttered, leaving his side and walking over to other two.

"Are you alright?" Lee asked.

"Yes. Really, I'm fine. We're preparing to infiltrate Bolvangar. Apparently we're really close now."

Iorek looked up at Lee. "Perhaps this is the time to set up your balloon?"

Hester looked up at him too. "I agree."

Lee looked at them both and then nodded. "I'll just check with others, but I think you might be right." He offered you a smile and walked past you. Hester looked up at you as she hopped after him. Iorek stayed with you, even allowing Oliver to land on his back.

"Is he OK?" You asked, looking after Lee as he walked away.

"He was worried about you." Iorek replied. "That was a dangerous trail we walked across."

"Yes, it was."

Neither one of you said anything more. You waited where you were until Lee came back. He had a little grin on his face.

"Want to help me set up my balloon?" He asked you, a twinkle in his eye.

You grinned back at him.

"Really?"

"Come on." He took your hand and walked towards the sled. You were a little surprised by his sudden action, but you didn't say anything. You followed him happily over to his sled and helped him remove the tarp.

"Does this mean I get my ride?" You asked smugly.

"I guess it does." He winked at you.

Your heart seemed to race in your chest. Lee was so good to you. You tried not to think too much about it, however, as you had a balloon to put together.

Now more focused on helping him build his balloon, you missed the way he was looking at you.

Lee was going to do whatever it took to get Lyra back. As long as the both of you were safe, he was happy.

Tags:

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[grump-the-deer]

stuff about HDM ep 5

listen,

it was good, very good.

but ALSO

could have been much better

hear me out

.....

- Will looks FANTASTIC, he’s absolutely PERFECT. he’s stoic but caring, I was worried he might be too dramatized but they’ve got his subtle (hehe) personality down pat. very concerned but very practical. a good boy. I love him.

- still not sure about putting him in so early but eh. can overlook it for now. I like the Lost Boy title parallel with Billy, hehe.

- I also love his mom, she’s a bit more with it than in the books but it works for exposition and showing their relationship more. really good portrayal of real mental illness - not cutesy and not unhinged, poor woman is just obsessive. and she’s RIGHT about them being in her house, damn it.

- on that note, I hope they didn’t kidnap her...that might throw the whole story off, Will puts her in a safe place so he doesn’t have to worry about her as much, but if his goal is finding her when he goes through the window it’ll throw off his whole motivation. he’ll be spending time being afraid for her instead of going through his normal arc.

- Iorek is MUCH improved. he’s much more stoic and savage, which is fantastic. even a bit more savage than in the books, which surprises and delights me. I also LOVE how annoyed he gets with Lyra’s chatter, that moment was GOLD.

- Lyra as always is absolutely perfect, I adore her and her spunkiness and her directness - it’s perfectly childlike and in character, she doesn’t mince words and she’s clever as fuck and delighted by Iorek and the north

- Kaisa is growing on me, I’d still prefer a goose but his voice is wonderful and I enjoy his role a lot

- SERAFINA AND CORAM DEVELOPMENT. I LIVE FOR IT. that was so FUCKING POWERFULLY SAD.

- Lee Scoresby is starting to get on my nerves, for real. his first scene was great, honestly, definitely good for his new characterization. and from there it disappeared. just. utterly. disappeared. he became Stand-In Fatherly Soft Boy #3 at the drop of a hat. like what? that’s not development. he did not earn that. Lyra did not earn that from him. why is he being so soft with her? there’s no point to his character in this damn episode, other than trying to shoehorn him in being supportive so you don’t forget he’s there. I was ready to love this new Lee and love Lin all over again and this episode shat all over it. they had better rectify this later, if they can. this had better not be the end-all be-all of Lee’s and Lyra’s relationship development. curse you Jack Thorne.

- also his shoehorned line about control and whatever was stupid. this just in: Lee Scoresby has been relegated to the role of exposition fairy. great. just great. like that is entirely out of character for him, he doesn’t think shit about that stuff. he’s a hired gun and damn it that’s what he’s gonna do. not think about morality and institutional power. that’s Serafina’s job.

- howEver....Iorek on the other hand has phenomenal development with Lyra. absolutely stellar. he’s big tough guy and shows it but he levels with her a bit and when she turns away you can see his face grow softer. and the concern for her when she goes into the shack alone is palpable. A++++. and great that they added the explanation about the difference between bears and humans, that is vital.

- there are some more background dæmons I noticed, which is great - especially the wolves, and the pyre scene with the dæmons mourning. that was perfect.

- on that note, my main gripe: NOT. ENOUGH. DÆMONS.

yes, yes, I know, BUDGET. but if you’re going to take on this gargantuan project with something like dæmons as its CENTRAL element to the plot, especially in this episode, why the hell wouldn’t you make sure to put them in enough?? make them a part of the world every chance you got? even a couple extra shots or interactions? budget for it guys! make us FEEL IT when Billy’s dæmon isn’t there - my reaction when they started freaking out saying “where’s Ratter? where’s his dæmon?” was “I DON’T KNOW, WHERE’S YOURS?”

we haven’t seen Ma Costa’s dæmon since around episode 3. in the background. from afar. he’s never EVER around. neither is John Faa’s, and in this episode Pan isn’t even around that much either when Lyra is interacting with Iorek. he just suddenly appears when they get to the fishing shack. I appreciate the few shots we get with Sophonax walking next to Coram or Kaisa reacting to Coram’s presence - like jesus, that’s what we NEED HERE. to REMEMBER how close and integral dæmons are to their humans! that’s the POINT! that’s what makes the climax and the themes of the show WORK! if we don’t FEEL that connection every step of the way, even between side characters, we aren’t impacted when people LOSE their dæmons! I forget they’re supposed to be there half the time, and that is utterly disastrous to keeping us emotionally attuned to the plot!

in that same vein, I was very disappointed that they didn’t utilize the dried fish Billy clung to in the books. that part could have been SO visually helpful. Billy just kind of sat there out of focus, and despite the characters’ reactions around him and the sad music I just...didn’t find it that sad. he didn’t do any real acting, he didn’t look lost. he didn’t seem to care his dæmon wasn’t there. the dried fish was a horrible grotesque prop for showing just how twisted it was to wrench someone’s dæmon away - people NEED something to hold like that, even if it’s just a shriveled up piece of food. and Lyra’s blowup when the gyptian men take the fish away after he dies is a wonderful bit. it gives her something to vent her sadness and to show how much she felt for his loss. it parallels the pure terror of the prospect of losing her own dæmon later. it cost 0 CGI to do, and would have been a much better stand-in for making people feel the loss of a dæmon, if they absolutely had to do it without extra CG.

all in all: this should have been one of the most poignant episodes thus far. and it wasn’t for me, because of the dæmon problem. everything else was secondary. there was SUCH a buildup for the moment when we find Billy Costa, and it fell utterly flat as soon as we saw him. bad reveal. first episode I was genuinely disappointed in.

(despite its very very very good points. call it a 4/10 for its own standards, and a 7.5/10 for general show standards)

[doloresabernathysworld]

His Dark Materials season 1 episode 2

I'm a little late this week, and I really haven't had the chance to rewatch the episode, but here is my review.

I have to warn you that I'll be discussing a lot of things from the books, so if you haven't read them you should probably skip this.

Again, I'm doing this on mobile, and I don't know how to add cuts - if anyone knows how to do it on mobile I'd be glad to learn, because I don't have a computer.

A lot of things happened in this episode, so instead of going by order of events, I'll talk about it by characters.

Starting with Roger and Billy. Their reunion was beautiful, and I'm in love with Roger's character. He's such a sweet boy, consoling Billy, even though he is frightened himself. And we are able to see the faith he has in Lyra early on. And his interaction with Mrs Coulter was fantastic, it was like he was saying "I'm on to you" without giving too much away.

Then we have the Gyptians. It was nice to see Ma Costa still on the fence about the expedition, and heartbreaking when Coram gave her Billy's vest. In the books, Ma Costa trusts John Faa, and now we see why. On that note, am I the only one picking up something more between them? And then there's Tony. Ma is afraid to lose another son, but given the evidence there's no way Tony will just stay put if there's a chance of rescuing his brother.

Now for the biggest surprise in the episode: Lord Boreal. I have to say I'm loving what they are doing with his character. Yes, I did picture him older and kind of slimy, but I don't mind at all this new take. Boreal is sophisticated, and threatening in a non obvious way, and that's what makes him so dangerous. The scene in Jordan was amazing, we got to see the authority the Master commands, and we see Boreal is sneaky, pretending to yield just so he can do his own bit of research.

And then he crossed to our world and my heart stopped! The window is so gorgeous, it was so nicely done, I was mesmerized by it. And the feel of our world, it was so subtle, it reminded me of the descriptions given from Will's and Mary's pov. I know some people are on the fence about this reveal, but as I see it, it makes sense showing us now what Boreal is doing and introducing Will's plot before he appears. I've always wondered how Boreal knew Will's identity, and I had to conclude it had to do with his father, but it's nice to see it explained.

As for Asriel, I don't think it'll take that much away from his storyline. Right now, Asriel wants to find a way out of his world, true, in order to find a place that the Magisterium doesn't control, only to discover that the Authority has control over multiple worlds. And now that it's confirmed that Asriel will feature in season 2, I think it really is important for the audience to know there are portals into other worlds, even if Asriel thinks he is the first to cross. Plus it doesn't take away any merit of Asriel's doings, because he's still the first one to cross worlds in the open.

About the scene with Adele, I gasped loudly when Boreal touched her dæmon, but for the people who don't know about the taboo it wasn't that shocking, just enough. I think it will have more impact upon rewatching, and if the experience with the books taught me anything is that going back to understand some things is bound to happen. It also shows us that Boreal has a mind set that tells him some rules don't apply to him because of his status, which is a big theme in His Dark Materials.

And now the main event: Lyra and Mrs Coulter. I think the dynamic of their relationship is spot on. We got to see Lyra being a child full of enthusiasm in the Artic Institute, then begin told she needed to act differently, and Marisa equates obedience with trust. The bath scene was done well enough, although I missed the part where Marisa stared at Pan until he behaved like the golden monkey. A thing that I liked was Marisa calling out Lyra for lying, and all her talk about letting Lyra be mold by her really was a red flag. Marisa wants a clone of her, a version of her with a more easy start than the one she got.

The parallel between Lyra and Pan afterwards and Marisa and the monkey really illustrates their differences. Lyra feels the need to be loved, and is interpreting being well treated with love and affection, so she goes along and that's sad. Even in the books it said that Lyra was happy but lonely, like she was missing something. As for Marisa, she's so secretive that she hides parts of her to her own dæmon, meaning her own self. Both Lyra and Marisa are lonely in their own way, but at least Lyra has Pan.

From here on, we see Lyra being molded by Marisa, but showing resistance too. At first is by trying to be charming, by showing she's smart with the talk of Dust. Then Lyra sees her away from her dæmon, and the protests are more feeble. Then mild protests about the dress, and then the bag.

Marisa, meanwhile, is dealing with Lyra the best she can in order to keep her facade longer. In the Dust conversation, Marisa is hurting her dæmon in order to steady herself, and him too. Then Lyra sees the monkey without her, and Marisa just lies in her face, gaslighting her, saying she's just sleepy. But when she's alone again, she hits her dæmon, and that tells us she is someone who deals with self-hatred, and doesn't tolerate failure.

It was nice to see the rivalry between the factions of the Magisterium, and to get Marisa and McPhail to interact this early to establish a pattern. That visit, more than anything else, makes Marisa very frustrated. Her charm is useless with McPhail, and she can't manipulate him easily. And when Lyra points out that she's upset and lost control, she takes that as an offense and starts a fight with Lyra, only to feel in control again.

The confrontation between the dæmons and the speech Marisa gave was done beautifully, and I liked the modification. I liked that Lyra wasn't complying, and the mention of Asriel makes Marisa lose control yet again and reveal that he's Lyra's father. And the monkey lets go of Pan and immediately turns to her, (I think anticipating the abuse he would endure), and the confrontation stops at once.

Now, I saw some posts about how Marisa was hurt by Asriel and still holds a grudge, but I have some thoughts about this matter. From what I can remember from the books, including La Belle Sauvage, Marisa was married and had an affair with Asriel. Asriel wasn't the one who abandoned her, she chose to continue married because that was more advantageous for her. She lied about baby Lyra, telling her husband the baby was dead and rejecting her completely. I'll probably write a meta about this whole thing later.

In my opinion, Marisa wanted Lyra to admire her the way she admires Asriel, so hearing Lyra invoque Asriel like a protector hurt. So of course she talks badly about him, so she can tarnish Asriel's imagine and isolate Lyra even further. She doesn't reveal her own identity because she wants Lyra to like her first. So she gives Lyra space.

Then Lyra finds out she's being spied, and breaks into Marisa's office only to discover some blueprints, and that discovery was the only iffy part of the episode for me, but we'll see how it'll play out.

Then we have two interesting moments. First, when the golden monkey caressed Pan. Marisa is trying to show good intentions to Lyra, she's trying to get back to good terms. And at first she seems to think she's succeeded. The second is the breakfast scene, when she mentions Roger and how he must've forgotten Lyra already. I loved how Lyra tells her, without raising her voice but full of defiance, that she's lying. Marisa gives her the same look before the confrontation and orders her to eat, and Lyra does, but her spite all visible.

I enjoyed the party scene, but I was hoping to see Lyra talk with Boreal. But I get it, now that he's so visible to us it would be dumb to have Lyra not recognise him. I also enjoyed the fact that she escaped from a window.

The kidnapping scene at the end was the perfect way to finish the episode, it created an urge to keep watching.

One final thought, in Northern Lights Lyra mentions once that the monkey was far away from Marisa in a disturbing way, but then nothing more is said in that regard. With all this new content they're showing us, I'm really curious about what we'll see regarding Mrs Coulter and her dæmon.

I loved this episode, I'm really happy with where this is going, and I'm happy I'm not only watching something I read, but also new things that make the plot and the world building richer. Let's hope next week's episode makes me feel the same way.