#the expectations?? what i put out of myself and whether thats be good enough

[ghostlycowboys]

I keep having this inner battle with myself about putting myself out there and meeting new people?! 😮‍💨 Like idk part of me wants to talk to folks and have fun, but the other part of me has no idea how to do that and is vulnerable. I don't think I'm ready either and is that fair... But also if it's not serious, does that matter? I'm thinking about it too much. I'm definitely not ready to be in anything serious cause what's the point .... But I'm . Ah idk.

[mjlovescm]

Can you do Rodrick x reader who is like Eddie Munson from stranger things

The freak and his cheerleader, Rodrick Heffley

A/N: I really hope you mean Rodrick is like Eddie and not reader is like Eddie because thats how I wrote it. But if that is what you mean I'll be happy to write one for fem black Eddie type reader or of black male Eddie type reader. I needed some practice, so I wrote this in first person. I hope you like it.

To say Rodrick and I were an unlikely pair was an understatement. But what can I say, opposites attract and me and him are very opposite. He was the loud, trouble making drug dealing drummer who stayed back. And I was the friendly social head cheerleader. And as if the clash of our personalities and interests weren't confusing enough, there was our appearances.

Rodrick loved to wear dark, simple things while still adding his own spin on them. Like when he cut up his dad's old jean jacket and painted the Löded Diper logo and name on the back. Me, on the other hand, I can't get enough of bright colors, short skirts and my cheerleading uniform. Although Rodrick was strongly against any and everything that represented our school, he made an exception for my uniform. And, of course, for me.

“Do you really have to drag us to every one of these things?” Chris complained as Rodrick led him and Ben up the bleachers.

“Seriously, Rodrick, I really don't think she'll mind if it's just you in the crowd.” Ben agrees.

“Come on, guys, she's always at our shows. Just smile and cheer her on.”

“Fine.” The two put it to a rest.

Confused and bored, the three boys watched the game with absolutely no knowledge of whether our school was winning or not. Rodrick had no idea what the score was, nor did he care. He only really came to see me perform.

“There she is.” He pointed to me, smiling, as I led our school's cheer team.

As we perform, I can hear him screaming my name. Praising me and my moves, as if he hadn't seen me practice them for weeks on end.

Although a small part of me understands people's perplexity with me and Rodrick. A bigger part sorta liked the differences. With Rodrick being someone who was “weird” and okay with it, it brought out a different side of me. One I only showed to him.

“Do you maybe wanna talk about it ?” Rodrick's small suggestion was all that was needed to set me off.

The past few days, hell weeks, had been rough. Everyone was always expecting something from me. If it wasn't my teammates, it was my teachers. If it was my teachers, it was parents. Usually I could stay on top of things to keep a healthy balance to make everyone and untimely myself happy. But sometimes I slip and when I slip I just start falling. And suddenly everyone was convinced that I only make mistakes and excuses. I tried to explain, but I know they didn't want to listen to my troubles. So I just didn't tell them. Sometimes it really does feel like Rodrick is the only person who I can complain to.

“Math sucks for everybody, okay, It's not just you.”

“I know it's just he wants me to take it when I have cheer practice. But I was already sick and missed the last one, and I tried to tell him, but he said I take it then, or I don't take it at all.” I complain, frustrated.

Climbing onto Rodrick's bed, I bury my face into his pillow. Rodrick is quick to join me. Laying on his side beside me, he pressed a kiss to the back of my head.

“How about we just sleep it off for now.” He whispers against my head. “Then we can study and practice your cheers, okay?”

A bit more calm, I agreed with Rodrick. “Okay.” I said, lifting my head slightly from his pillow.

Rodrick didn't put me on a pedestal the way other people did. And I didn't put him down the way everyone else did, either. I think that's what makes us work so good. Sure, Rodrick would always be a freak to some, and I'd always be a golden girl. But when it's just me and him, we were just each other.

“I don't think I'll ever get used to this.” Rodrick told me as he took his blunt from my fingers.

I looked at him with a curious expression as I blew the smoke to the side.

“Get used to what?”

“You.” He took a deep inhale from the blunt, holding the heavy smoke in his lungs before releasing it. “This.”

My curious expression stayed, and Rodrick tilted his head slightly.

“I don't get it.” I admitted and he smiled before laughing.

Setting the blunt aside, he pulled me into his arms.

“I mean you and me.” He clarified. “I don't think I'll get used to the queen b of our school smoking with me or being my girlfriend.”

I rolled my eyes at the title “queen b”. I hated it.

“I hate when you call me that.” I told him pulling away only to be pulled back to my boyfriend's body.

“Yea I know. I know.” Rodrick plants his face in the crook of my neck. “I mean, I don't know, I guess it's just like weird you're dating me and not some muscle for brains athlete.”

“You're only saying that because I'm a cheerleader. That's such a boring clique.”

“And what the popular girl and the weirdo in the band isn't?”

Materslist Drum Lesson, 🍋 She keeps to herself

[year2000electronics]

Hi, just being curious, what do you think is the greatest difficulty you’ve faced carrying out the storyline in your ask blogs (aside from potential burnout)?

Is there any time where the asks were not going towards the direction where you’d want them to go, and how did you steer the story back on track?

Do you have any techniques giving out clues or keeping the pace of the ask blog?

[sorry these are a lot. Of questions. It’s just, it’s amazing how you are able to run multiple successful askblogs, and I’m curious how you did it]

OOOH THESE ARE SOME INTERESTING QUESTIONS! really pickin at my old noggin here...

id say probably the most difficult part is like... ok through my tenure ive obviously had some physically taxing moments, moments of people being way too mean, people being way too NICE, people complaining that every single member of a giant ensemble cast doesnt get the exact same amount of screentime etc etc, but id honestly say the hardest part is just. making the medium Work. when i run an ask blog like this, im basically asking people to drive the story forward with no promise of whether their choices even like. Matter. if youre not tethered enough to your asks, it can feel like youre just asking people to put a coin in the slot and letting the story play for another page. you have to play this balancing act of wanting to tell the story you want to tell while also needing peoples' help to get there. thats why an engaging story and endearing characters are so important. i wound up telling people here on my main that y2k would end with a good ending specifically because i got people concerned i genuinely would end it with a Bad End, but still even knowing that people would tune in. so its like. i always have to make sure its Engaging enough. for people to be willing to play this game with me at all. the hardest part of fishing is getting the fish to bite yk.

2. YES ALL THE TIME LOLLLL a lot of the time i will end up either picking an ask from before the topic came up and answer that one, or plant my own decoy ask. basically jingling keys at people HJSSKHASGK. but sometimes even that doesnt work! benrey in y2k has a very touchy complex about his helmet specifically because I DIDNT HAVE SPRITES WITH HIS HAIR. and i thought that his hair was kinda boring compared to what people were probably expecting (its very short and simple i draw his hair like bootleg barney) so i ended up having to answer that little thread by having an explosion and then presenting my own resolution (gordon calm him down :)) i like to think ive gotten better at key jingling though haha. usually the two types of key jingling topics i find work best are either little plot teases or a 'now back to what we were doing' ask, but if you dont want things to advance quite yet, i usually use questions that will elaborate on a character trait or introduce a new character fact

3. dont be me. /j ok actually the thing about this specific medium is like. people will send me asks guessing my twists WAAAAY early on but the thing is i can just. choose not to answer them. hehe. id personally pay attention to how often people are guessing your twists though because like. its BOUND to happen if you lay out clues some people will pick up on them. if theres not a lot of people guessing, then you can lean more into the big sting reveals of like 'NOOOOBODY EXPECTED THIS' but when a lot of people have guessed the twist, i usually make sure to present it in a way that doesnt imply that there was nobody on the right trail or that people got bamboozled. as for the clues themselves. well im about to figure that out myself again! i have some clues i need to lay in bmfe!! dont get discouraged if people pick up on what you thought was really subtle, cos like. literal day 1 of episode 3 someone literally made a powerpoint saying 'LEADING LIGHT IS BACK' and i was like ok i was just on my first crumb DAMN. as for pacing, it doesnt matter if you get the blog done in one month or one year- what does matter is PLANNING. if you know what your goal is, what your landmarks and checkpoints are, youll be able to stagger stuff successfully no matter the length. some of the best-recieved parts of y2kvr were parts i went into the session going 'this is my goal for today' for. the goals dont even have to big, it could even be something as small as like 'get from place a to place b'

SORRY THIS GOT LONG but ty for the question! reflecting on my process is interesting :]

[superaznchick]

i had a whole rant typed out like 2 days ago that i made while emotional but it will rot in my drafts forever now because i have now spent the required amount of time in the timeout corner and properly digested my emotions to come back and make a fresh new post

idk what corporate girly out there slaving in front of a laptop needs to hear this AGAIN, because i certainly have heard this before but subconsciously dismissed it because Surely That Won't Happen To I, but it DID so i am now yelling at you from the other side

DONT FUCKING TRUST YOUR MANAGER!!!!!!!!! the nuance here is that YES they can be nice, and they can 100% be the best person ever, and they might not even consciously manipulate you. but you are never safe from subconscious manipulation or just straight up incompetence.

if your manager does their job well, it means you are manipulated. BUT if they do their job BAD, you STILL get manipulated!! this is because even if they are incompetent, you will always end up bridging the gap for their incompetence and it will weigh you down and you will NEVER get credit for your work. in fact, you are in danger on both ends of the spectrum - if you manager is good, they'll take credit for your work. if your manager is bad, they'll STILL take credit for your work AND make you suffer for it because they won't even have the skills at least get you the reward you deserve.

ive spent the last 3 years under my do-nothing manager always giving him the benefit of the doubt, "oh he's just a silly lil guy this is his first management job he doesnt know what hes doing" type shit, and i have nothing but stress and resentment to show for it.

i have LITERALLY been DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM. i revamped our meetings, i put sprint processes in place, i drew our team scope/borders and weighed in on who should staff projects. and on TOP of that i did tech lead and regular ic work. i was doing both my job and at least 50% of his because im not a fucking manager and theres only so much i can do.

but all this time my actual skill set as an engineer is deteriorating because ive been begging for mentorshop/coaching since day one i joined the team, which is 100% the manager's job to coach and level up their engineers, but these needs were completely ignored in favor of me trying to get this dumb fucking team together because my manager literally does nothing. he doesn't do his fucking job, and he gets away with it because he has high soft skill!!!! his boss likes him!!! so he will not be punished!!!!!!

i on the other hand am severely punished because i have revealed my hand as a do-all "superstar", im the one that gets 3 projects with the same deadline that i have to do all by myself, im the one thats expected to do all my work and more AND i am the one that takes the brunt of flack when external teams are ultimately disappointed that the deadlines are not met. i get no protection from any of this shit because my manager is fucking incompetent and refuses to step up. whether he consciously or subconsciously does this DOES NOT MATTER!!!! you will ALWAYS eat it at the bottom line!!!

treat your manager like your enemy, never trust them. size them up in your first few 1:1s to see how much they can do for you in terms of your career. if they are NOT delivering results within the first 2-3 months, CLOCK OUT!!!!!! decenter work from your life, shut the laptop at 5pm sharp, put in your bare minimum to not get canned and turn your brain off from all work problems. sometimes the corporate grind is worth it but ONLY if you have someone competent managing you and they are smart enough to recognize that engineers under them need reward and respect to be retained. if they won't or can't retain you, just let it happen!!!! dont overextend yourself it's never worth it

obv im yelling this from my jail cell as a software engineer so idk how much of this is applicable to other fields, but that's my two cents. i have spent way too much time being upset and angry these last few weeks to not vent about it. if this applies to you, pls save yourself the heartache and learn the skill of decentering work for when it comes in handy. im not advocating for indiscriminate quiet quitting bc that can actually be harmful to your financials, but the art of quiet quitting should still be mastered for when the appropriate time arises. use your discretion

[natsmagi]

i was typing this in the notes to an ask but it gogt waaaay too long lol sorry. prefacing it with you know i love your artwork & i have nothing against what you choose to draw. also possibly worded weird cus i didnt write it in the sense of talking only to you alone

there is certainly this conflict between artists as random individuals and artists as a collective when it comes to how to approach this issue… as a hobbyist you can draw whatever you like but also when you have trends like a lack of fatness thats going to be disheartening too. i think the answer is getting more people into making art (& like general societal change of course since its an issue baked into bigotry.)

because as much as i agree with the sentiment of "there is significant under representation of fat women" (or characters in general) at the same time fandom is a hobby space and i dislike the notion of badgering individual artists to draw any particular thing especially when the source material does not have that thing. if you are looking for artwork of fat women thats great but i would not ever recommend something like enstars that has 1. no fat characters and 2. no women, barring a few exceptions. i think expecting to find fanart of fat women from a source entirely composed of thin men is unrealistic, even with the relative popularity of femstars.

plus there are other complications such as the typical modern fandom f/f scene sometimes being very strict and even vicious at times with their standards of what's enough diversity or what content is appropriate. ive heard a lot of anecdotes about people who WERE contributing to these things but whom were still harassed or got threats from other users over it not being good enough, and that's just not conducive to creating the environment or diversity you want. nobody is going to want to be in a fandom space where they have to walk on eggshells all the time. and i bring this up because of how you were clearly harassed by randos. accusing you of misogyny or shaming other womens' bodies as being "unrealistic" is not the way to go

the only reasonable solution i can think of to this is, again, to just encourage more artists to start drawing in the first place, or even better start contributing yourself. individuals should have the freedom to draw what they like without getting flamed for it AND people should be able to see themselves represented in artwork. i would like to see some more fat characters too, this is definitely something ive thought about before myself

(personally all the fat people i draw are ocs or portraits of people i know that i dont want to post online but maybe if i get some inspiration i will draw the long-sought chubby mugi myself. i am not super interested in femstars though so whether or not itd actually be fem mugi is up in the air. but all the talking here about this topic has had me thinking about following my own advice and putting what i want to see into the world.)

OUGHH THESE ARE ALL GOOD POINTS!! and i agree! the main thing we should be doing is ENCOURAGING people to add more diversity, not harassing them into it! people who only draw for fun arent really obligated to draw anything outside of their comfort zone, which again is why i think its better to simply uplift the idea of trying out new things and new appearances that you dont often draw

theres also SO MUCH room for more femstars artists too! and like ive said before if you wanna see something done right you gotta do it yourself. and i kind of like that. i like that everyone gets to craft their own little femstars variant of the enstars cast, and you can make them look however you want! and honestly? you SHOULD! seeing personal touches to designs always brings me joy, so even if you dont feel very confident in your art, if you have a specific vision for a character that you want brought to life please go ahead and draw it!! (or if you really dont want to you can always commission someone)

i also wanna highlight one of ur last points too bc yea. its unfortunate but often times whenever i see someone try adding diversity to their art for the first time they end up getting flamed because its not an accurate depiction of what they were trying to represent. and that really sucks! obviously we should strive to have accurate representation, but if its an artist that hasnt tried their hand on it before, ESPECIALLY a beginner artist, we shouldnt flame them for it. rather we should educate them on what went wrong and how they can improve for the future. these are people who actually WANT and are TRYING to add diversity to their art, but because in animanga circles theres a lack of education on how to draw more diverse features of really any kind. which is why trying to educate is far better than shaming. because if you shame these artists theyre gonna be too scared to try again, giving us less diversity once more

so yes basically what im saying is i want us all to encourage diversity and to help each other out by sharing resources and tips when it comes to drawing it!! one person is Obviously not gonna be able to do every single thing, which is why i want more people to pick up the pen and bring life to their visions!! also i really want more femstars food pelase pick up the pen i am a starved orphan and only femstars yuri can satiate me!!!!!!!!!

[todayisafridaynight]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TRUSTING ME BRO I COULD CRYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭😭I hope it does not disappoint... REAL THOUGH about the drama you mentioned in your tags, that's exactly how I felt reading If My Wife Becomes An Elementary School Student's title, for example, but I'm told it's wholesome☠️☠️I would love to hear about the one you were thinking of though!

I WILL BEAR IT IN MIND TO PREPARE FOR ARACHTAGON WHENEVER THE TIME COMES... totally understandable to get frustrated with RNG on top of that, RPGs can be so evil 😭😭😭still, again, I'm glad you're back to it! Also totally understandable to want to play on the original consoles... NOTHING beats the experience... the availability of playthroughs nowadays is nice for sure to be able to experience the series without investing that much!

I would LOVE to see more Normal interactions between Ichiban and Jo for real😭they have so much potential for silly moments... ever-thankful for your content and I Can't Say Enough always looking forward to whatever you might have in store :] whether it's that or something else :]

I EXPECT YOU'RE DONE WITH EPISODE EIGHT NOW AT MINIMUM SO I WILL JUST SAY the Ohashi arc and Episode Ø [<- why the hell is ep eight called this] are peak to me I am soooo glad you enjoyed the arc... LOVE the OST too, Yugo Kanno is a legend. HOWEVER all the songs on it are titled words that start with S and P so you get titles like Scarlet Pussy 😭

OH BUT SPEAKING OF SP'S WACKASS STRUCTURE pleeeeeaaaase consider watching SP: The Motion Picture and SP: The Motion Picture: The Final Episode after you finish the show... there is A Cliffhanger and those are the true conclusions to the story... and SP Final In Specific is what blew my nuts clean off...

STOPPP NO THAT'S EXACTLY THE DRAMA I WAS TALKING ABOUT BUT I DIDNT WANNA SNITCH ON MYSELF 😭😭 it really is a cute show..... im ngl it has some of my fave tsutsumi scenes/performances like it TRULY blew my expectations out of the water. i just feel SOOO awkward about it cause.. with a title like That and a premise Like That i wouldnt blame a single person for giving me a weird ass look so i generally try not to talk about it ☠️ its my guilty treat so to speak and i cant even tell if im making it sound worse than it actually is (╯x╰ )

in any case... i finished Security Police SO !!! onto After The Rain for me when it comes to Media Thats Awkward To Talk About But Please Believe Me When I Say Its Not What You're Thinking :]

LMAO PLEASE like... so long as you have the right equipment you don't even really have to do much extra grinding by the time you get to him... it truly is just hoping RNG doesnt dick you over ☠️ i've been cruising through the game since tho ! i dont expect myself to get into anymore awkward blockades anytime soon and then i can finally say i finished this game (●ˇ∀ˇ●)

THANK YA THANK YA it aint much but its honest work..... i have been real dead this week tho and i always get scared if ill draw again durin periods like this- i HOPE to come up with something soon cause there really is an untapped well of Good Stuff to be explored :]]

THE SOUND DESIGN OF SP WAS REALLY GOOD IN GENERAL THOUGH LIKE not just music wise was it good but i really loved hos inoue's migraines gave me migraines... immersion... but also just knowing when to keep things dead silent (like finding nishijima's corpse) did SOOO well to put emphasis.. the weird as hell names are just bonus points by now like. Gotta Let Bro Have SOMETHING As A Thank You For The Sound Design (╯▽╰ ;;) OH BUT IM GLAD THERE'S MOVIE TIE-INS CAUSE THE LAST SCENE HAD ME CONCERNICUS LIKE 👁️👁️? i was only able to find the first 2010 movie on the site i usually go to but its somethin...

[apocalyptic-morals]

A ramble of my life-

I simply need to get this out in some way.

There are very few people in my life who would accept me 100% for who i truly am. but to be honest i find myself asking, why does it even matter? what does their acceptance do for me? i am fake- i am a mirror reflecting what i think other people want, and therefore to them that is who i am. i am who they think i am to them, a small fragment of their life story in their head. this is the first time i am being honest to anyone other than myself. i simply lack empathy for most people. im not stupid, im not socially inept. i know what reactions matter to what topics, i know when to act sensitive, when to seem warm and open. i know how to make myself cry at funerals, i know when to laugh at peoples jokes. i know when i should seem to care.

alas, i am not completely emotionally empty. the only emotionally bonding experience i am able to have is with animals, such as cats, dogs, birds, anything. i have absolutely no clue why this is the way it is for me. i have bear witness to many morbid obscurities, as a matter of fact i am pursuing forensics since blood and g*re doesnt bother me. however, the first time i felt any tears on my face in many years was actually recently, when i put my dog down. i cant remember the last time i felt happiness.

i truly wish i wasnt this way. in the same way people try NOT to care about things, ive done all i can to force myself to care. im not even considered a loner- i initiate social interactions all the time. i have a partner, a family, friends. i feign these interactions because it seems like it should be normal- if i didnt, my family would be worried, and would try and seek me help. this honestly seems like a hassle over something that cannot be tamed, out of convenience i am a mirror to their views on me. to everyone i am me, to me i am no one. i was raised to care about the people around me, i was raised to be kind and loving, to be normal and so as to keep up this façade, i do everything i can to live up to their expectations.

at the same time, i know its not normal to not react to things properly. if i had it my way, id be a hermit. very few things make me feel happiness, very few things make me feel sadness. very few things bring emotion out of me. this lack of emotions would make me seem like an asshole in many settings. for example, at work, someone who had a dairy allergy received cheese on their sandwich. even though i knew and understood the severity of the situation, i just simply couldn't care. in my head, i made the situation right for me, out of my own convenience. i could even go so far as to say had that lady taken a bite and something terrible happened, i still wouldn't care. any tragedy in my life that has occurred regarding people, i just don't feel anything about. im j hollow all the time.

my partner and mines bond is the closest to a genuine bond ill ever have with a human- its because they are kind enough to try and figure me out. they are the only person to make me want to continue life, and thats good enough for me to keep trying for them. however, i have absolutely no clue what love is. i don't think my partner would want to stay with someone like me for very long when they have so much affection to give, so theres no point in searching for answers. if they stay, they stay. if they go, good for them. they are the only person ive discussed this with. i dont know if they want to fix me, or what they want, but for now i don't mind their presence. living with them is convenient anyways, to say the least.

to put an end to this rambling, theres only one more thing id like to mention. whether or not theres a reason why i am the way i am, it doesnt matter. i am who i always have been, and i cant change. someone i do look up to is the character from dexter, dexter morgan. other than the fact i have 0 interest in pursuing homicide as a hobby, hes someone i see myself in in a sense where his sense of self is very similar to my own views. he fakes it till he makes it, and goes after his motives and goals (even though theyre completely different from my own). i look up to him because he eventually is able to form somewhat genuine relationships with others, and throughout the series you see a plethora of emotions shine through him. i simply hope i can do the same.

[thatyamiguy-blog]

Baby on board (Harry Potter)

Hogwarts was a school with more then a few secrets, but there was two that would of shocked everyone at the school save for maybe Dumbledore. Bombshell number one: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were actually dating and were a very close couple that spent every second together they could while also playing up that they hated each other so Draco wouldn't get in shit with his parents because Harry wasn't exactly Draco's father's favorite person in the world. Bombshell number two: Draco was a full blown goo goo gaga super duper nappy pooper little, and they had hooked up in year two when Harry had caught him playing in his nappies.  with harry being a daddy dom everything had clicked and the two loved to go around Hogwarts at night, with Draco in his diapers and them under his invisibly cloak and seeing how close they could get to getting caught, with Draco's smelly butt getting more then a few unfortunate souls blamed for SBD's.

Still as daring as the pair was, they had never before done what they were doing this year, which was going for Draco to be nappied at all times. They would of course be using a series of charms to hide the smells and shrink the bulk of the nappies while not compromising them. This meant getting the blond big baby nappied as soon as possible which meant Harry giving a half ass excuse to ditch Hermione and Ron as soon as possible once on the train to Hogwarts. "I just wanna walk around by myself for a bit. The Dursleys have been trying to suck up to me since I'm leaving soon and figuring out how famous I am." Harry lied. "Bloody hell, I didn't see any pigs flying!" Ron commented, having a hard time believing it. "Well if you need some time alone.." Hermione said and sighed, but then locked eyes with Ron and winked. "Heh, and thats the other thing, I thought you two might want some together time." Harry chuckled and walked out of the car.

Draco meanwhile had a easier time of getting his car cleared as he just had to tell Crab and Goyle to piss off, he wanted to be alone and since he'd been getting more and more distant as of late it wasn't that out of character. scarcely had the gruesome twosome  left then the door the the car opened back up though it would appear as no one was there, at least till it closed and Harry took his cloak off. "Hey ba-" was as far as Harry got before Draco tackle hugged him to the ground, with a cry of 'DADDY!' and showering him in kisses. "..I guess that answers whether or not you missed me." Harry chuckled, flat on his back. he was much stronger then Draco and could of easily pushed the little guy off but instead decided to roll with it, only saying. "But just so you know, I can't put the cute butt of yours back in nappies where it belong if you keep me pinned down to the floor." "Your the boy who lived, I'm sure you could come up with something." Draco giggled, and licked the bridge of Harry's nose before scooting off of him. "Give me time and I might, but for now I do believe that we have other matters to attend to.. you were able to sneak the supplies on board?" Harry asked, wiping his nose dry and getting off the floor. while Harry was well known, he didn't have the clout to get a trunk or suitcase brought into a passenger car, though Draco did. "Pffft, you think I was gonna let a silly thing like the rules stop me?" Draco asked, giving a perfect brat prince smile, then he moved over to by the window and reached down, coming up with his own clock and revealing his suitcase/diaper bag. "it's not as good as yours, but it gets the job done." Draco added, tossing the cloak to Harry. "true enough. now just to be clear, I'll go over the rules about this one more time." Harry said, in a tone that made it clear that Draco could expect to hear them at least once a week. "First of all, there will be NO using the loo, for tinkles or BM's." Harry said. "Threaten me with a good time." Draco giggled, getting giddy. Secondly, You'll get a nappy change when I can mange it and/or if I think you deserve one. so if your too much a bully you can expect to spend extra time in squishy nappies." Harry said, trying to keep his stern daddy face on but damn it, Draco wasn't making it easy. "Oh, the horror~" Draco giggled and was already getting his belt off. "You say that now..keep in mind the longest you've been a stink butt was 2 hours." Harry chuckled and winked, then went on. "Thirdly, You'll be given a maintenance spanking at least once a week to make sure you know what to expect if you REALLY act, You know I'm not scared to paddle that cute butt." "You know..I've gone a wholllle summer without a spanking, I might need one to put me in place before you pad me up." Draco said, faking a thoughtful expression. "..We'll see. Fourthly, The only messes you're allowed to make in your nappies on your own are BM's and tinkles. Big boy messes will be allowed at MY discretion and trust me, you'll have to earn them." Harry said smirking. "W-wait that wasn't in the original deal!" Draco said, looking unsure for the first time. "I have altered the deal, pray I do not alter it more." Harry chuckled in his best Darth Vader voice.. a reference that was lost on Draco as the blond baby looked lost. "..Remind me to get you in front of a telly at some point and have a movie marathon." "If you say so..." Draco said, shrugging it off. "Finally, if you wanna stop and go back to just doing playtime when we get a chance, I'll understand. this is a big step and not everyone is cut out for 24/7. I won't be disappointed and they'll be nothing to be ashamed about." Harry finished. "Puh-lease daddy.. if anyone is gonna be crying for this to stop, it'll be you with all the presents I plan on making." Draco chuckled, and dropped his pants and turned around, showing his bare bottom and show that not only was the cheeky little guy going commando, but he'd been working on his tan as his normally pale butt matched the rest of him. "Now about that spanking?" "Heh.. Maybe later. who knows how long we'll have to ourselves and you DO wanna be a nappied little brat when we arrive right?" Harry said, though since he was only mortal, he HAD to slap that cute bubble butt. "-sigh-, the sacrifices I make for the greater good!" Draco said, as if not getting a over the knee spanking was akin to giving up a limb. "And the forced of good and justice thank you for them." Harry said rolling his eyes and getting out the changing mat.

Blue balled and frustrated after having their snogging session broke up by a wandering staff member, Ron and Hermione decided to go and hunt down Harry or failing at that, find a quiet place to get back to smooching. Seeing Crab and Goyle out and about instead of hanging out with Draco was strange to the pair as the three were almost always seen together as fair as Ron and Hermione knew, and fearing that maybe Draco was doing something awful to Harry they made they're way towards the blond brat prince of Slytherin's car. It wasn't exactly easy going as a few of Draco's underlings (it was hard to think of the git having friends, at least for Ron) they made it and dashed into Draco's personal car, facing the door and using they're wands to lock it, and heard the shocked gasps of Draco and Harry. they also noticed the confused and then laughing faces of the slythrin's who could see though the window to the private room, normally shaded but the locking spell used by Hermione had canceled out the privacy spell. Turning around they say what had the others amused, a red face Harry and Draco, with Harry in the middle of sprinkling baby powder onto Draco's crotch, and the blond laying on a thick stack of cloth nappies with a pair of plastic pants nearby. "I..Uh..What?" Ron asked, trying to process all of it. "O-Oh dear." Hermione said, turning and covering her eyes. "So uh.. I guess you guys have a few questions." Harry said sheepishly, and tilted the contained of baby powder up, almost a quarter of it had coated Draco's crotch due to the shock of being found. "I..uh.. Yeah. more then a few." Ron said, then broke into a big stupid grin. "But you better finish nappying the baby." it was at that point Draco's brain shut down, going into derp mode, his last thought till they'd get to Hogwarts being 'well, this is going to be a interesting school year.'

The end

[dontpunchdogs]

thoughts for today ! under a read more bcos it got long. yelling into the void.

ive always been hard to deal with - too sensitive to sounds, lights, temperature, texture, easily hurt by words, easily overwhelmed by other people, easily feeling left out among friends, too annoying, too loud but too quiet, needing too much reassurance, needing to feel wanted, needing needing needing. ive known this a long time. ive heard it from my parents countless times, had friends say they only hung around me out of pity, had partners say i was the most supportive partner theyd ever had; yet i need too much, my feelings are too confusing or too hard to consider, "i knew youd be upset but i didnt want to tell you and make you more upset" again and again and again.

no matter how small i tried to be, how light of a burden i made myself, its really never enough. i dont get what i need, my patience is worn thinner and thinner, and "suddenly" i snap. "suddenly" i disappear. as though there werent signs. as though i hadnt been begging for someone to care. as though i havent put others feelings and comfort above my own for years, been intentional, been thoughtful, been honest (in fairness, honest about everything besides the extent to which id been hurt) and made it clear how i love and how i want my efforts to be reciprocated.

i'm tired of it. i always thought i shouldnt live if nobody cared about me enough to pick me first. thats all ive ever wanted, really. someone to walk in a room full of people they care for and choose me out of everyone. someone who id choose over anything, even my own comfort when reasonable, and to know they'd do the same. just one person, and then i can handle everyone else letting me down, just one person, please, just one, one person, please, for once, just once.

i always find myself so fucking disappointed. maybe my standards are too high - the fact no one can meet me there makes me sad, but the idea of lowering my standards made me sadder. i can take disappointment, a lot of it, and i don't expect perfection. sometimes you cant give even 50% of your energy. sometimes you need to pick someone else. sometimes you need to pick a friend over a partner, or yourself over anyone else. but i cant handle the degree to which people constantly ignore my needs, or disregard them to indulge their wants.

im trying to rewire my brain now! im going to live, whether someone picks me or not. im going to care for others as much as i can, as hard as i can, but im going to limit those who disturb my peace. im going to put myself first, often as i can, or at least as often as id put others. i know what i need, and id do it for someone else - why not do it for me? why continue trying for people who cant be assed? why continue trying when im just difficult and draining?

today i had an overstimulating day at work. i still went to the grocery store, as id planned, because i needed to. when i drove home, i felt like id have a meltdown. instead i made myself laugh by seeing just how many bags i could carry at once. something stupid and simple, but i felt like i was good company. i put everything away. i made my lunch for tomorrow. i tried a new tea that i picked out and actually finally found one i liked. i ran a hot bubble bath. i washed my hair, my back, my body as though i was someone i loved. and i felt loved.

it was really nice. im holding onto that joy.

ive realized just how much pain other people tend to put me through. why, then, should i hinge my right to my life on my relationship with others?

im going to live. fuck anything else. fuck everybody whos ever made me feel like a fucking burden. if its soooo hard dealing with me, imagine fucking being me. i deserve so much better.

[keefwho]

July 22 - 2023 Saturday

10:31 AM

I don’t think it wise to draw comparisons between current dynamics and old ones but I can’t help but notice similarities sometimes. My ex and I were in a situation where he clamored for my attention but I didn’t want to give it to him. In my case it’s because he made me feel uneasy and guilty for not being everything he wanted me to be. My strategy to deal with him was to not entertain is behavior or requests but he never let up. Sometimes I feel like I’m in his position, simply being put up with until it gets too much for them or I settle down. Of course people are different and I could be misinterpreting behavior. IF it is true though, it might not be a total loss. I have the experience to know that I do need to lessen my grip and lighten up. Thats what I wanted him to do at least. 

This is also my first time openly acknowledging said individual as my ex. As much as I don’t want to admit that we were technically dating and everything fell through, thats what happened. It’s the reality of my past. 

8:33 AM (The Next Day)

Forgot again to journal because last night was drinkin night. 

Yesterday my intent was to keep busy no matter what so my thoughts didn’t get too out of hand. I was mostly successful, I actually consider yesterday to have been a good day for once. Breakfast was some potstickers and a poptart. In the morning I worked on fixing the image compression in my VRchat furry world and adding new pics to the gallery for about 30 minutes. I did a couple other random little things I don’t really remember. I watched some more of the Chris Chan documentary while I was busy. I remember getting horny enough midday to message my friend but it was mostly to distract myself from my commonly upset midday tummy so I deleted it before she read it hopefully. I wasn’t actually able to follow up with that request even if I wanted so that would have been irresponsible. Lunch was spaghetti and meatballs. For the afternoon I spent a few hours finishing up my bathroom world in David’s server. I finally finished it so I’m happy to move onto other projects finally. As I was finishing up, my friends were down to watch the first Rugrats movie so we did that while I was uploading the world. It was a good movie. Afterwards I really wanted to get in VR so I could check out the world and make it a little surprise so we did that. BUT I somehow overlooked the fact that NONE of the animations were global which really put a damper on my experience for awhile. Most of the night I was thinking about how I’m gonna fix this instead of just enjoying my time. I did have a lot of fun though. I was trying to request a little along time with my friend but I can’t tell if she was avoiding that or didn’t see what I was trying to say. After she went to bed I focused on fixing the world’s networking which I did fairly easily but then I had an issue where the particles were all black which took me 40 minutes to realize it needed a Unity restart to fix. Now the only problem is that animations aren’t buffered for late joiners so there can be some de-sync with the animations but it’s not a massive problem. I also stayed up until 2 am because I got too horny, I wish I hadn’t. I really don’t like how horny I can get being a guy. 

I’ve been trying to make my desires known to others instead of bottling things up and expecting them to be mind readers. I’d much rather have a yes or no answer instead of dropping hints trying to determine if they are ignoring me or not picking up on the hints. I think it’s a toxic thing I do to avoid direct communication. It’s an exercise in self respect to tell someone exactly what I want from them and accept whether they want to give it or not. 

[weirdsht]

warning: a long ranting character analysis ahead. its a character analysis but i put my own personal experience in it hence why a rant. also my vocabulary sucks and i might use wrong words im sorry in advance difuhgopeihpgerty

not sure if this is because i'm a humanities student or its just i can relate because of what i realized while trying to find out about myself but i have some 2cents about Cale's personality.

everything happened late to Cale and that has a big impact on his beliefs and values

it was too late when he met the Soos and became freinds with them. it was too late when that grandma doted on him.

because from what i learned its hard to undo your mindset specially when it has been built up since you were young

consciously or unconsciously

from since he was young cale probably unconsciously concluded that he isn't worth that much and that things could always be worse than this

thats why as long as his alive that's good enough for him. even if his barely on the edge of living with his plate in shambles

like even though Jung Soo and Soo Hyuk and other people he has met later on showed him and tried to teach him that what his doing isnt okay. that he should have higher standards and not just settle for "at least i'm alive". they can't really reset years of accumulated mindset

basically what im saying is its nearly impossible to undo trauma guys

specially with what he went through during his childhood since childhoods always have a great affect in our lives

it doesn't matter if the treatment change or the one inflicting it is gone, once you get used to thinking like that it's hard to turn back y'know

idk how to explain so i'll give a personal example instead

my mom is an overachiever and is very intelligent, and as her child she also expect me to be the same or even surpass her, she's also someone who has a lot of trust issues specially in relationships

imagine that mixing and being projected lol

so for years its just her grilling me to do better. saying that i'm lazy and not putting enough effort on my studies because i can't maintain being a honor student, not realizing the fact fact that maybe, just maybe it's just that i'm not as smart as her. even her standards are crazy high, just passing isn't enough heck a passing grade is a fail for her (asian mom's amiright)

and that also became detrimental to my social life because she's always comparing. she also keeps engraving that they don't really care for me and such and u know the typical manipulation

but nowadays she's calmed downed a bit. she's more open about me having friends and she isn't as strict about me being an honorable student

did that change anything? not really lmaoo

because in the back of my mind i'm thinking that if i dont do well she's gonna have an outburst again, or if i tell her about my friends she's going to say all sorts of things again and i don't want to lonely again. and so the result is me being constantly on guard and her wondering why im hostile

i hope that explains how it greatly affect things

you bring those thoughts and beliefs with you even when you grow up. even when things get better. whether you realize it or not

its really just something you can't get rid of honestly

and that's what i think happened to cale

unknowingly getting the share of White Star's curse made him lose everything he loves and care for

his parents dying

his uncle abusing him

him getting abandoned

just the world falling in ruin

all those things probably made him unintentionally come to the conclusion that he isn't really worth much, and view things that other people would consider necessity, the basic necessities, a luxury

i'd like to believe that maybe he was slowly getting rid of that toxic mindset when he was with the Soos

then boom

they dead now

and so since that's what happened the one time he let his guard down his walls built up even more and his coping mechanisms got worse than they originally were

so probably thats why he acts the way he does when he finally became Cale

that's why this lovable mfer is so guarded, oblivious and so annoyingly dense

i just want for him to break out of it honestly. it wouldn't even matter to me if he realizes it or not. tbh him not realizing it is probably better. just accept the love being given to you damnit

and i thank you, thank you for coming to my ted talk HAHAHAHAHAHHASDGIUUSTPGW

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[lucy90712]

Sapnap- face cam

Wc- 1987

Warnings- none (I think)  I've been up for almost 30 hours mainly because I was doing college homework all of last night and because my boyfriend Sapnap was streaming and being very loud which kept me up in the first place which was why I did my homework anyway. I love Sapnap to death but sometime he can be a little annoying but I put up with it.

Sapnap only got into bed at 4am and he's still asleep now at 11pm meanwhile since then I've finished a big essay, cleaned the apartment, done another essay and then made breakfast for myself which I'm eating now. I wish I could be this productive when I've had sleep but somehow it never works like that.

Eventually Sapnap came downstairs sauntering because he was still sleepy, some of us wish. He walked right over giving me a hug from behind as I washed some dishes and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Morning babe you alright?" He asked

"Yeah I'm good a little tired but I'll live" I replied

"Just to let you know I'll be streaming later" he said

He always tells me when he's streaming because his fans don't know about us and he doesn't want to accidentally reveal anything to protect me which is cute but it gets hard when he streams for hours on end and I need help with something. Sapnap is good about to it though if I really need help I either text him or message him on discord and he'll help but he sometimes doesn't read his messages.

I gave him some of what I made for breakfast and he sat down to eat it while I talked at him about college work that he pretends to care about. He's very supportive of all my college work and he'll let me get on with things if I have to but he will also talk about things with me if I want to. Thats one of the best things about Sapnap is his ability to adapt to how I'm feeling at any given moment and I like to think I'm at least ok at doing the same for him.

After breakfast Sapnap cleaned the rest of the dishes and let me take a shower which was nice and relaxing and woke me up a little bit as the cold water at the start hit my back, usually I would not be under the water as it warmed up but today I felt like I needed a shock to my system to get it going for another day. I had more homework and a lecture to do today so there was no chance for a nap until the evening when it's kind of pointless anyway.

After my shower I got dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt because it was comfy for sitting down all day in. Sapnap had got my laptop ready for me and had got me a glass for water which was sweet of him. My lecture was in about 2 minutes so I logged onto the class ready for it to start, when it did I put my headphones on so that Sapnap didn't have to listen to my teacher going on about whatever we were doing today, he always says he doesn't care but even I don't want to listen to it sometimes so there is no way he does.

As I tapped away making notes Sapnap put his hand on my knee rubbing his thumb in circles comfortingly. He does this all the time whether its sat on the sofa like right now or while we're driving somewhere but its safe to say that I love it, it lets me know he's there in a weird way it's like he's acknowledging my presence. At one point he got up and went to the kitchen and when he came back he had my favourite snack which he put between us so that we could share. What a lovely boyfriend he's being today, I'm starting to wonder what he thinks he's done that's he's trying to make up for.

My lecture finally finished after what seemed like and age so I went to get straight on with my last essay that needed submitting by the end of the month but Sapnap shut my laptop before I could get the document open, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and towards the door.

"Come on were going out for a walk" he said

"Why, I have an essay to work on" I whined

"You'll never leave the house if I don't drag you out so come on" he said handing me my shoes

I put them on and grabbed a jacket because according to the weather it was meant to be a little bit chilly out today, Sapnap grabbed the house keys and pushed me out the door onto the street. We don't often go out on walks because neither of us like leaving the house that much if we were to go out it would most likely be in the car to just go for a drive.

The two of us walked down the street holding hands and swinging them back and forth as we took steps forwards. Sapnap clearly had a good idea of where he wanted to go because he was making turns all over the place. Eventually we ended up at the target not that far from our place and we went in looking at everything like you do in target and we topped up on some snacks for a movie night soon.

We left with our snacks and Sapnap dragged me to the nearest park so we could sit outside and get a bit more fresh air. The nearest park is actually the one that we went to on one of our first dates so we have good memories there, on one of the benches by the duck pond is where we had our first kiss and many more after that.

I always love going back to that park with Sapnap because each time we reminisce on the past and talk about the future which seems to change each time we come here. We walked to the exact bench that we had our first kiss on and sat down looking at the scenery. It had changed quite a bit since the first time we were here, there used to be a little play park for kids in the distance but now thats gone and is replaced with a small flower garden instead.

The first time we came here and we talked about the future all we wanted was to still be together after we left for college which of course happened, then the next time we wanted to move in together which we did and now. I'm not really sure what the future holds for us but I'm sure it will be interesting.

"Wow its been so long since we came here we have changed so much and achieved everything that we wanted to" he said

"I know its so weird to think that our last goal was to move in together and now we have been living together for 5 months where do you think we will end up in the future?" I asked

"On man I have no idea but I would love to still be living together and maybe in a bigger place and maybe even be engaged" he said

This shocked me I never expected him to say that but I guess that is the next logical step for us to take in our relationship.

"I like the sound of that" I said  

We went back home and Sapnap went to stream while I worked on my essay he didn't tell me how long he was going to stream for but it will probably be about 3 hours. So I sat down and got on with writing the last 15 pages of my essay which would probably take me the entire time he was streaming maybe longer.

My essay took me almost exactly 4 hours to do but when I tried to submit it it wouldn't upload which happens from time to time. I looked at the upload speed of the WiFi since Sapnap taught me how to do it and it was fine but I assumed that it was being used for something else. This problem has happened before when Sapnap is uploading a video so I assumed that was the issue.

It got up and walked to Sapnap’s streaming room waiting outside for a moment to double check that he wasn't still streaming, I waited a couple minutes and heard nothing so I knocked and went in.

As soon as I went in I saw that Sapnap was still streaming and his face cam was on which meant that I was now on his stream in front of however many people. I've never made such a stupid mistake especially one that outs my entire relationship, I just stood in shock not being able to move and get out of the shot. Sapnap had the exact same reaction his face was filled with shock and fear at the same time.

Nothing prepares you for the moment that you expose yourself live in front of probably 100,000 people or more who will record anything that happens. Nothing prepares you for the chaos that will ensue when you do the before mentioned thing and definitely nothing prepares you for the guilt you feel doing so.

"Um hi y/n" He said trying to make things less awkward

"Hey" I replied shyly

He motioned for me to come over because there was no point trying to hide this anymore since no one will believe anything we say now. I stood next to Sapnap luckily being short enough that I still fit in frame but he had obviously given up caring at this point because he pulled me down into his lap to sit while we talked to his chat. Again he did the thing where he rubs his thumb in a circle on my leg and this time it really was for comfort.

"Well chat this is y/n and shes my... girlfriend" he said

"Hi everyone" I said shyly

"Now chat I'm going to need you to be nice to her or I'll be angry because she is very precious to me" he said

His chat were going insane telling others to clip this and people getting way to excited about all of this and some were asking questions. The whole chat was going so incredibly fast that it was hard to read all the messages.

We answered some of the basic questions like how long we have been together and other things, people also asked if George and Dream knew which of course they did and they have made jokes about Sapnap having a girlfriend but no one ever took it too seriously. At one point dream joined the call and started mocking us for being stupid and exposing ourselves and he told some stories that he knew we wouldn't mind him saying which the chat enjoyed.

I started yawning more and more as I stayed on the stream because I wasn't keeping my mind busy my tiredness was taking over. I leant back into Sapnap to rest my head on his shoulder, he out his hand on my head running it through my hair which is very relaxing.

"Are you tired?" He asked

"No I'm fine I can stay awake" I said

"I don't want to hear it I know you've been awake for over 24 hours so you are going to sleep" he almost demanded

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable position where I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost right away forgetting that Sapnap was still streaming but it doesn't matter.

[9tzuyu]

children of tragedy [pt.2]

note: hi. i totally did not mean for this to be a filler chapter but thats what it ended up being :(. i hope you guys still like it though. this is mostly natasha x reader (platonic), so maybe that’ll make up for it? lmk your thoughts!

mistakes are mine as always.

warnings: talk of alcohol abuse

pt. 1 | pt.3

🏷 @peggycarter-steverogers @blackxwidowsxwife (tagged since its nat centric)

when you left in the middle of the night while wanda slept in the other room. you didn’t bother waking her to say your goodbyes, instead wanting things to be quick and simple. telling wanda goodbye would only prolong that process. 

you did, however, leave one last sticky note on the kitchen table for her to see when she woke up. it was nothing over the top, just a reminder to make sure she ate and took care of herself.

(and of course your signature smiley face at the bottom of the paper. she loved your odd little version of a smiley face.)

you packed a bag separate from everything wanda put together and stuffed it to the brim with bare necessities. clothes were replaceable. what you had with wanda was not. besides, she probably wouldn’t mind keeping a few of your sweatshirts. they were always her favorite.

rummaging in the side pockets of your jacket you found the last twenty dollar bill you had and used it to catch the next bus across town. 

in all honesty you would’ve texted natasha to tell her you were on your way, but your phone had been dead for three days and you didn’t bother charging it after last night’s conversation. natasha wouldn’t mind though, you’ve been friends with her for over seventeen years. she was the only person who knew about your upbringing and all the abusive relationships between. she’d been there countless times to pick you up from the hospital your exes put you in, never once blaming you for what happened.

similarly to wanda, natasha never judged you for your decisions or ways of coping. she worried just as much as wanda did, but knowing you hated having to talk about things she kept silent. there were only a handful of times natasha could think of where you talked to her about what happened.

with a deep breath in, you slung your backpack over your shoulder and stepped off the bus. the walk to natasha’s house from your drop off area was only about fifteen minutes, but within that short amount of time you managed to get worked up over wanda. your thoughts were so loud that by the time you made it to natasha’s door step you had tears streaming down your face, your nose red from wiping it with the sleeve of your jacket. 

natasha was quick to answer, but she hadn’t expected you of all people to be standing right in front of her. snapping herself out of shock, she pulled you in for a hug before moving back to check you for any signs of bruising. 

there were a few, but they were fading nicely against your skin. and the cuts she found looked like they had been treated with care, which only confused the redhead. she hadn’t heard from you in over eight months, so it wasn’t surprising that she missed out on hearing about wanda. 

what a shame, you thought to yourself. she would’ve loved her.

natasha closed the door behind you and brought you over to her sofa. you laughed remembering that you were in this very same position last night; although it wasn’t like natasha could break up with you or anything of the sort. 

“stay here, i’ll be right back.”

you glanced at the clock on natasha’s wall seeing that it was three in the morning.

it was only when natasha came back when you noticed her disheveled hair and chapped lips. it was clear she was sleeping prior to you knocking on her door. she immediately noticed the guilty look on your face and quickly went to stop you from overthinking.

“none of that now, i don’t care at all that you woke me up at three in the morning. i haven’t seen you in over eight months, i’d be angry with myself if i hadn’t heard you knocking.” unsure how to reply, you nodded solemnly. 

she smiled, “are you hungry?” you licked your lips, food hadn’t crossed your mind in hours. “very.”

you followed her to the kitchen where she brought out a can of soup and set it to cook on the stove. 

“i don’t have much, i keep forgetting to go to the store.” she shrugged, leaning against the counter top.

“s’okay.” 

you awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, arms folded as you stared off into space. natasha took this opportunity to really get a look at you.

she could see the outlining of a bruise on the side of your cheek, and judging by the size, you had to have taken a pretty bad hit. there were also a few bruises around your neck as if someone had tried to choke you. 

she bit her lip, wincing internally at the thought of you getting choked so violently that it left marks as dark as the nail polish natasha once used as a teenager. it hurt her even worse knowing that this person was supposed to love you. 

you caught natasha’s gaze and shifted yourself further away from her. she tried not to frown, but you saw the slight downward movement of her eyebrows before she had a chance to look unbothered. 

“the soup, tasha. it’s going to burn.” you reminded her. 

“ah!”

she stirred the liquid content with a spoon and brought it to her mouth. “just right.” you watched her pour a safe amount into a bowl before giving you a spoon she hadn’t wrapped her lips around.

“lets go sit down so you can eat, yeah?” 

you followed her like a lost little kid back into the living room. if it hadn’t been for such serious issues at hand, natasha would’ve commented on how adorable you looked clutching the bowl with two hands while you unconsciously bit the insides of your cheeks because you were scared of breaking something. 

she gave you time to finish eating. you ate slower than she remembered, but she didn’t think too much of it. the last bite was when natasha when noticed the large scar across your hand. 

(god did she hate herself for not seeing it sooner because what the hell?) 

you moved to go put the dish in the sink, but natasha stopped you, gently grabbing the scarred hand to keep you from leaving. 

“don’t worry about that right now. set it on the coffee table and i’‘ll take care of it when we’re done here.” her voice was soft enough for you to feel safe, an affect only one other person could do. 

natasha didn’t say anything else, she wanted you to feel in control, to feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

the crack of your knuckles could be heard after a few short seconds of silence. there was no reason for you to feel so nervous. it was just natasha after all. she would never hurt you.

(you were brave. you were okay. you can do this.)

“she was so good to me, nat.” the redhead scoffed, but you were quick to defend your now presumed ex. 

“she was! this time i really mean it, and i know that sounds redundant but i would put the love i have for you as a friend, as a sister, on the line.” she seemed to believe you after that. the look in your eyes told her everything she needed to know. 

“what happened?”

your lip started to quiver, “i ruined it.” natasha moved closer to you, wrapping her arms around you so that your body rest against hers. “how’s that?” 

“i can’t stop drinking, couldn’t, and she had to do the right thing for herself.” her grip tightened around your frame. she hated not knowing you were drinking again. the first few times weren’t too bad, but she had a feeling this time was more than she could help with.

“she was so good to me, tasha and i ruined it. i fucking ruined every bit of it because i’m too weak to-”

“stop. do not finish that sentence or else i’m going to give you a sisterly lecture for the next three hours about every good thing that makes you who you are.” her threat came off as a joke, but if needed, natasha would actually hold herself to her own word.

you sighed and visibly deflated, natasha allowing the tiniest smile grace her lips from behind you. 

“what was her name?” your eyes found their way to natasha’s hands and the rings that clung to the base of her fingers. “wanda.”

“how did she treat you? i mean really treat you.”

you fiddled with her rings, twisting them back and forth absentmindedly, “she used to bandage my wounds with like, five layers of gauze, i swear. i always thought she was just being over dramatic, but sometimes the bleeding would even seep through that.” 

your breathing began to slow down. “she would always come when i needed her, whether that be when i blacked out from drinking or if i was sick and needed help taking a bath.”

“she sounds like a good person.”

“she is.” 

natasha hummed, “you really scared me, you know?” you moved to try and face her, but she kept her arm wrapped securely around your torso. “i didn’t hear from you in over half a year and now you’re here. you’re my best friend and i thought you were dead.” there was a crack in her voice. god knows she didn’t want you to see her cry.

(that’s why she held you in place, but most of all because she missed having you close.)

“i’m sorry, tasha...” 

“just don’t ever do that to me again or i will kill you myself.” you rolled your eyes at her reply. “i’m not, i promise.”

you moved off her lap, turning your body so you were face to face with her. “where do i go from here, nat?” 

she thought dor a second, “can you make it through tonight without a drink? or will withdrawls be too bad?”

you paused, surely you hadn’t gotten to the point where withdrawls were as serious as you’d seen in all the medical shows and documentaries. “i think i’ll be good.”

natasha nodded in approval, “do you want help?”

it was the question of the century for you. the answer should be a simple yes, but it never failed to amaze you how much weight could be carried behind a three letter word. there was a chance for you though, something you might not ever get again. and honestly, natasha’s heart couldn’t take another relapse like this. eight months of not knowing if you were alive or not was bad enough, she couldn’t imagine not seeing her dearest friend for the rest of her life.

“yes,” you exasperated, “yes, i wan’t help.”

[slashingdisneypasta]

Harper Alexader x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: The Fake Love Of My Life

Notes:

I want this to only be part 1 in a series because a. Fake dating. b. Harper needs more content on this site, and c. I actually have some ideas.

Motivation is the problem, haha. But hopefully I'll figure it out.

Plot: I’ve! Always! Wanted! To Write! A Fake Dating Scenario!! So here we go. After 2 centuries of judgy looks from the older folk in town and getting questioned about why you’re not married, you and Harper have decided to pretend to be together to finally make people stop it.

Warnings: I think its fine? Discussion about sex, but not outright said and there are no ya know... intricate details haha XD

“Oh, Y/N I can’t tell you how pleased I was to hear about you and Harper Alexander! Gosh, we all thought you’d be alone forever!”

“You’re such a pretty couple.”

“It took you long enough to find a man!”

“And my, what I catch, girl. You’re one lucky gal!”

“You’ll have to bring him over Wednesday for dinner with Ted and I!”

All. Week; This is all I’ve heard. I mean, it was expected (In fact, it was the intention) for people to be relieved and get off my back about finding a damn man, but good grief. You’d think the whole thing would’ve cooled off, by now. I’m exhausted from acting pleased about this and their words.

I mean, god, since I hit 16 I’ve gotten this gip about finding a guy, and right from the get-go (Actually, since I was younger, I’ve felt this way) I’ve been against it. Even before I died and everything normal here, everything we knew, became obsolete- The idea that just because I was born with tits, I need to legally tie myself to a big strong penis in order to survive made me feel... incomplete, rather then enthusiastic.

Other girls, my friends, dreamt about their perfect men and the way that he would kiss them; How the world would shatter, in supposedly a good way, when he finally found them. And I did want to be right there, dreaming with them! I so did. Because they just looked so happy... And it was so easy for them to be so, as well. But... I just... couldnt. It seemed ridiculous to me, so I just supposed that I was made... wrong. I could never see the sense in it. I still can’t, and I can’t imagine a time I will. I’m me, whether I’m dragging along the dead weight of a husband, or not. Thats enough for me; Why cant it be enough for the people that love me? Why on earth do I need the extra unnecessary baggage weighing me down?

... But still, after a century and a half of it… admittedly, a girl breaks down a bit. A little bit.

I mean, not entirely, of course, seeing as Harper’s and my ‘relationship’ is nothing but a farce to benefit us both and not in fact a real effort. Effort enough to suffer through the town’s seemingly endless congratulations at least, yes. But effort enough to find a real relationship? No.

But god- the effort I am putting in, is a lot. The way they're talking to me; It makes me sick. They speak like I'm finally whole- like I wasnt so, before. Its archaic and obnoxious.

Its so bad, that sometimes - more and more often these days, - I have to break away. Escape. And, ironically enough… there’s only one place I can go to in order to get that, aside from spending all my time alone.

Sneaking up behind that place, or person, I lay a hand on his shoulder, feeling him jump slightly under my surprise touch, which makes me grin as I sit down beside him. “Hey,” I greet Harper, the only person I can go to for any kind of peace now, wierdly enough. He flashes me an annoyed eyeroll, not quite as much the charmer with me then as with modern folk that come traipsing into town and our eager clutches. He quickly returns to whatever he’s whittling; Quite focused. Taking a deep breath of fresh, non-stuffy air, I close my eyes for a moment. Ahhhh, the quiet…

Usually, I can find Harper here, on the outskirts of town. Or he finds me here, depending on which of us ran out of patience with the others, first. Today I survived longer, which is uncommen as Harper has an extraordinarily strong poker face, but either way; We’re finding ourselves alone together here more and more often these days. Which was weird at first, and actually still is a little bit strange still, but I'm sure it'll become more natural soon enough. I mean, we will be married after all, sooner rather then later.

Despite knowing Harper our whole lives, going to school together and ending up in similar circles, we were never really... good, friends, I guess you could say. He was never at the forefront of my mind, like he was a fair few of the other girls in our year- my girl friends included. We did get thrown together quite a bit as our groups tended to run together (Husband-Hunting… ), and then at various weddings and such, too, as my friends managed to share their chosen victims. This does mean that when we announced our 'engagement', no one was magnificently surprised even though we hadnt openly dated (Or dated at all), though, so there you go.

'Fate'.

But Harper and I never actually sought each other out, until now. Until he had the ‘fake marriage’ idea. Neither of us wanted to find someone, really, so it only seemed... sensible. This way, we can keep living the way we have been; Just, you know, in the same house. And occasionally we'll have to attend events together- which is not out of the ordinary, anyway!

Exhaling, fingers on either side of my lap digging gently into the decaying wood of the bench we're on, I open my eyes slowly again. I'm recharging already.

"So... " I turn to Harper, who doesn't look back this time. He just continues to focus on the wood and the knife in his hands, a look of indifference with a tone of annoyance, on that handsome face. But then again, what's new? When he's not seducing poor, bewitched women to eat he isnt actually all that sweet! After the Jubilee, he drops the act as soon as he can. In fact the act starts to fizzle away as soon as his job is done.

He wasnt always this way. I mean, he's always had bite but he genuinly was the golden boy when we were in school, and even through to our adult lives; But being stuck here after the earth discarded us, has taken its toll. Everyone grew darker, and continues to do so as we're stuck here longer. Miss Peaches, the Mayor, Granny, and I certainly wasnt except, either- so I dont blame him for the change. Its the only natural part of what happened.

A soft look on my face, I raise my brows in query. "How are you today?"

A disaffected sigh comes out of him, and he shrugs his shoulders in that derisive way that people do when they don't particularly want to talk about it. "Same as every day, I s'pose... Yourself?"

"Very similar."

Sniffing, he forces his blade down the block of wood- sending a particularly thick shaving to snap off the end. "Figures."

"Yeah... " Figuring myself that Harper is really not in the mood to talk right now, I take the hint and look away from him; Close my mouth, and my eyes. If he doesnt want to talk, then I can really relax. Here, I'm safe from the way people look at me - now us, -, and I can just stew. Be me. Think about me things. Like the books I've been reading, and the food I'm interested in learning how to cook, and the garden! That's just fine with me.

A few minutes later though, when I'm totally lost somewhere in my own head between fantasy lane and sounds-of-the-forest avenue, Harper decides to speak up again- and it shocks me out of my own head so hard I nearly damn well fall forward off of the bench.

"So Y/N- "

"Christ- "

Luckily, the grip I had on the bench saves me from what I think its safe to say would have been a humiliating, and painful, fall. Unfortunately though, it doesn't save me from the 'Why are you so ridiculous' look from Mr Darcy, here. Nevertheless, with the effort of an awkward smile on my part, he looks back to his widdling and continues.

"I've been thinking, about our impending marriage." Right, right. "And I'm wonderin'- What's gonna happen on the weddin' night?"

"... " My eyes flicker over Harper like he just grew a third arm. What- where did this come fro- Harper- Why!? "What!?"

"Well, my mother used to say that people could tell when a couple hadn't consummated the marriage." He shrugs, still under my disbelieving, bug-eyed gaze and entirely oblivious of it. Or at least seeming to be. Perhaps he's ignoring me. "She said it took Granny and the Mayor weeks, and everyone could tell."

"Yeah," I scoff, sarcasm dripping off the tip of my tongue as I continue to look at him deeply incredulously. I never planned to sleep in the same bed as him, much less perform that particular marital 'duty'! "And do you also still believe in Santa Claus? They absolutely cannot tell that kind of thing! Its a fairytale!" ... right?

Harper actually sets his work down now, and looks at me, and it is the most shocking experience... "You sound mighty sure of that, Y/N. But I'm not, and I don't want to risk the, uh, 'integrity' of our scheme. This is just as much servin' me as it is you and I'll be damned if it's put in peril- for any, reason."

"Integrity!?" I mimic, dubious and horrified.

"Yes, integrity. Look, I'm not too delighted about the idea, neither." WELL- insulting, much? He catches the insulted look on my face and smirks at me, and all I can think about for a flash is what a smug prick I'm marrying. "But I also don't want our cover blown. So I'm just thinkin' we give it a thought. We might have to."

"I've never even seen a man, uh, in any state of undress!" My cheeks are heating up hotter and hotter by the second. Its such an embarrassing thing to admit!- And definetly not what I expected by coming out here. I'm Pleasant Valley's resident sacrifice-safe virgin, and I've never even thought, seriously, about doing... anything... like that. I never thought, really, that I would need to! With sex comes a relationship, and with a relationship comes people looking at you all happy- oblivious and ignorant to the fact that I eas perfectly content before.

"That's your problem? That it'll be your first time and not... that it'd be with me, of all people?" Harper asks, putting words in my mouth and laughing about it. Ugh. Rolling my eyes, I just avert my eyes in annoyance. Because to be quite honest - to myself. Not him, - , due to our shared history and out of all the possibilities, it doesn't feel totally out of left field at all for it to be him. For him to be the one, that I...

But I cant say that, because that would ruin our entire plan because then he will think, misguidedly, I have feelings for the bastard, and that certainly isn't true. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I ain't never gone all the way with a lady neither."

Sighing, I refuse to look at him still. Despite the slightly less obnoxious way that he said that. "You still have more experience then me. And that's not fair." And god, now I sound like petulant child. That's just great. I need only pout to complete the look.

"Hold on there, Y/N. Before I lose you to your lil tantrum- " His hand falls on mine, on the bench, but I don't really notice because I'm tuning around to snap at him.

"I'm not being dramatic- "

"'Course not." See, he says that, but the eyeroll that follows sure doesn't emote faith. Quickly though he continues on. Well, quickly enough- "Maybe we should put in some practise? I mean, we'll have to kiss in front of people at least at the wedding." My mouth falls open in shock, as he ignores it and scrunches up his face in scepticism. "Have you even kissed anyone, before?"

"Harper, you're being ridiculous." I feel like crossing my arms, but realise his hand is holding mine down on the bench between us and decide not to move. "And of course I've been kissed." But as I think back on it, a flicker of awkwardness flickers over my face, a frown spreading across my mouth. "Once... "

To my future husbands credit -because I must credit his name with nice things. Otherwise he's just as an ass and I really cant bare the thought of marrying an ass if I'm going to do it at all, -, he does try to steal himself from sniggering this time, at least, but I can still tell what he's thinking when he rolls his eyes, and says so sarcastically; "Well consider me proven wrong." Scowling at him may give me frown lines, but it also makes him continue, which is a mercy I consider worth it. "Here I was thinkin' you were some spring chicken here- " Nevermind.

"Fine!" Swivelling in my seat, I turn to face him with a determined look on my face because of which the laughter in his eyes disappears, and I raise a brow at him, quite expectantly. Like well?? "You want to kiss me, Harper? Go ahead. I'm not kidding, lets do this. If what you say is true, then its a small price to pay for romantic security." I shrug. "And you're right- we will have to do it in front of people at the ceremony, at least, so we might as well get the awkwardness over with now. I don't know about them being able to tell whether we've consummated, but I do give that people could tell if we hadn't kissed, before."

For a few moments, Harper just stares at me. Like he doesn't quite know what to make of me right now, or... I don't know. I really don't know what he's thinking. His face is just blank, so I roll my eyes and sigh. "Are we doing this, or not, Harp- "

Suddenly he has moved forward, killing the distance between the two of us on the bench and cupping one side of my face in his hand with which he was so oddly holding onto mine, before. And the look on his face is so intense now that something in me that doesnt understand the principal of the thing, wants me to back down- but instead I force that little voice to pipe down and look stonily back at him, slightly craning my neck in order to do so. "Fine, Y/N." He says, slowly. At a normal volume but darkly. Deeply. "If you want to."

"It was your idea, Harper." I remind him carefully, seeing as he seems to have forgotten that fact. It was his idea, to practise. This wasn't for me. I dont... I dont want this! My voice comes out steady, but the erratic beating of my heart right now is anything but. And voice is also quiet, unlike his. Because he's so close, of course!- Thats why I needn't raise my voice. Thats the reason. He hasnt affected me, at all.

Harper's handsome but I've known him too long for him to be able to render me dumb like any of those travellers. Surely.

He nods to me, an almost scary look in his face. I'm suddenly reminded, for some reason, of the terrible things this pretty boy is capable of. "Okay."

"Okay." I say as well, because I've done some terrible things, too.

And then he leans down- and we're kissing. No further warning, just his lips against mine and a lovely glittery feeling in my tummy. My eyes flutter shut because this far better then that uncomfortable kiss I had with Harvey McGreevy when we were 14; In fact I almost forget to focus on this. Because this practise- like when you recite a poem a million and 1 times in order to be able to recite it easily thr next day in class. But I remember just in time before I accidentally lose myself, and tilt my head so our noses can be more comfortable, and apply a little bit of pressure into it like I've been told you're supposed to. Am I doing it right????!

Harper, of course, has no trouble with it. His pressure is perfect and he rubs his nose against mine, which is weird but nice at the same time. Its sort of affectionate, which is the weird part because we aren't a real couple and this is only purely for logical reasons... a fact that I myself have trouble remembering in the moment. Especially when he flicks his tongue against my bottom lip, a far cry from the way Harvey had smooshed his slimy wet tongue against the crease between my lips, asking for access that I don't even consider before allowing him. One of his hands, the one that isn't tucking wild hair back behind my ear, finds my waist and holds me there, and the grip is comforting.

As I let my hands fall on his shoulders, gripping him as I just enjoy the kiss, I tilt my head a bit to the side -Which side? I dont know which side. Does it matter? I'm forgetting where I am... - in order to allow him better access and actually moan, mortifyingly, at the feeling of a mans tongue in my mouth, which really shouldn't be as wonderful as it is, but is. He starts to kiss me more fiercely as soon as that comes out of me, and I'm just thinking about running my hand up through perfect hair, when-

"Wo-ho! Lookie here! Two young lovebirds getting a little bit amorous in the safety of the woods, huh?" A yelp escapes me when the sound of the Mayors loud teasing enters my ears and I immediately snap away from Harper like he stung me. Gaze flashing to him as my cheeks heat up once again in embarrassment, I catch a scowly look of irritation cross his face before he manages to pull himself together for Mayor Buckman; Who's setting his hands on his hips like he's telling off a pair of wily teenagers. "Lucky I happened upon ya, huh? Wouldn't want either of you to jump the gun- not before the weddin', yes?"

My lips are pink, I'm sure, and they feel tingly from the intensity of that kiss. God, I had no idea that he'd... do it like that... I run a thumb over the bottom one, thinking to myself and wondering what the hell happened there, how it got out of hand so quickly like that, as Harper focuses on Buckman. That was... weird.

Lets... just go... with 'weird'. Yep. Thats all. Just... wierd. And surprising. Definetly, surprising.

A forced rone of relief slips into Harpers voice. "Um, 'course, Mayor. Yeah, thank you." Harper hops up quickly off the bench, and away from me, smiling brightly. My eyes snap up to him when he moves, to see what he's doing- like I'm not done with him, or something, which I definitely, most certainly, absolutely am!! Thats enough 'practise' for the day Y/N!! I have to tell myself and the fireplace built in an odd place, in the pit of my stomach. Harper glances back at me momentarily and I just get hotter. "Just cant keep my hands of a' her, sometimes, hah hah... "

My stomach flutters at his, fake, words for the first time since we started this. and I hop up off the bench myself, and promptly reach the Mayor in .2 seconds in order to get away from Harper. Chewing nervously on the inside of my cheek, I offer just an awkward look to the older man before redirecting my gaze to the ground. Yep, nothing to see here, sir... Despite my inflamed reaction to the words, I play my part well. Rolling my eyes and blushing. "Oh Harper- don't say things like that!"

"Oh that's fine, don't bicker on my part, I'm just headin' off again." The Mayor himself sounds a little awkward, as he clasps his hands together behind his back, rolling on the balls of his feet. A glance up at his face reveals that he's looking around and struggling not to laugh. "Far be it me to leave my two-cense where it don't belong, anyway!"

"Yes, uh, see you later at the bar, sir!" Harper salutes, a definite sense of discomfort to the gesture for once as the fact occurs to us both, that as soon as Buckman leaves us we'll be alone, together, again.

Promptly, I turn to the Mayor before he can make an escape.

"Actually I'll come with you, Mayor!" The words slip out of me far faster then necessary. I don't know why I'm acting like this but the feeling of Harper watching me now is too much, too suddenly, and out of nowhere, so I'm forcing myself to focus on the Mayor - who looks deeply amused at the whole situation, thinking its just two young lovers acting squirrelly around each other, - and paste a polite smile to my face. "Headin' back to town? I have to get back before too long anyway, as well. It'll be getting dark. soon. Accompany me, wont you?"

"Uh, a'course, but wouldn't you rather your beau here walk you back?- "

Out of the corner of my eye I catch Harper moving, as if about to play his own part and indeed walk me home but I just shake my head. "Nope! Uhhhhm, we're finished, anyway-" I close my mouth, stopping myself before I say anything else that will make it even harder for the Mayor not to burst out laughing. "Right, so... so lets go!" Then I'm grabbing the mayor by the arm, and dragging him off back to town.

My heart refuses to slow down its manic beating until I'm sure, that Harper isn't watching anymore.

~

Its a couple of hours later when I see Harper again. I'm just getting ready for bed, when the front door clicks unlocked and creaks open, and only one other person in town has the key to my house- so instead of grabbing a weapon, I just pull on another layer and head down stairs. Harper's waiting in the front door, the screen door closed behind him and that familiar half annoyed/half disinterested look about him; On his face.

I cross my arms after pulling the extra layer of cotton tighter around myself and my sleep gown, feeling awkward standing near Harper; Under his subjective gaze. "So... hi?"

"I thought we should talk about that kiss. I wanna make sure that everything's okay, between us, after that. I mean... wouldn't wanna hurt your delicate sensibilities."

Eyes flashing, I curl my fingers over my arms tighter, a glare flaring at him and his smart mouth, and the smirk on his lips. "Theirs nothing delicate about me, Harper."

"Really? You seemed pretty spooked, to me. Took off like a broodmare just after the whip comes out. And I don't think it had anything to do with the mayor." Harper continues on, and I scrunch up my nose as him in response.

"Maybe I was just sick of your face, twiggy."

For a moment the boy just continues to smirk at me, seeing something entirely too amusing in my standing up for myself for my taste and only making my frown crease deeper; Like I taste something bad. "... Well alright then," The silence finally breaks. "If you say so, then I guess its so. I mean, you did run off pretty quick though... "

"Yeah. Well." Slowly, a mischievous smirk of my own rises. "I was afraid maybe you enjoyed that kiss a little too much."

"Oh I wouldn't be afraid of that, sweetheart."

"No?" I perk a brow, knowing that that's bullshit. "I guess it shouldn't happen again, then, right?" Maybe its my imagination, but Harper looks a tiny bit unhappy about that, but he nods in agreement. Then for another few seconds we just look at eachother, silent as a new phase in our... weird, now... relationship, settles over us. Taking in a deep breath, I shake my head, looking down. "So, um. Anyway." Something may have changed between us under the skin level but we still have a job to do. That hasn't changed. "The, uh, dinner party later this week. You'll pick me up at 7?"

"Always do." Harper shrugs, finally letting me off the hook from his penetrative gaze and folding his hands into his pockets, settling carefully into the new tone I've set.

"Well... good. So that's all set." Running my bottom lip through my teeth, my eyes flicker from the floor to Harper. "See you tomorrow?"

"Probably." He agrees, nodding his head. But doesn't move to leave. I open my mouth to ask him what he's just standing around like a goon for instead of leaving my home so that I may sleep, but he beats me too it- suddenly walking over, closing the lovely distance between us and guiding me closer by the arm; And presses his lips gently to mine.

Immediately a surprised gasp escapes me but my eyes flutter closed anyway and I kiss back on an impulse before he pulls back again. I raise a brow. "And what was that for?... "

"Appearances. Y'know- anyone could be watchin' us. With the door open like that and all," My eyes flicker past his face and to the open front door, the screen not offering much privacy. But also- there is no one there??? Everyone's going to bed at this time. This is Pleasant Valley, not goddamn Washington. "I'm just conscious of our arrangement, is all." He shrugs. "Wouldn't want us gettin' called out for not actin' enough like a couple or nothing."

"No... " No, you wouldn't want that. "Okay, well, if this kissing thing is going to be a thing we do now- then you gotta give me some kinda warnin- "

Another kiss is pressed to my lips, warning-less. When he pulls back this time, I deadpan at him. A laughing smile slips across his face, a great change from his usual brooding self. A little closer to what he's like with the victim girls, and it shocks me for a moment.

Then Harper opens his mouth, and a cheeky grin slip across my lips. "Hey, I make no promis- "Before he can finish what he was saying this time, I give him a kiss of my own- feeling him realise what I've done to him this time and then return it.

I am really surprised, at how nice kissing him is.

When its over, though, I point wordlessly to the door over his shoulder and raise my eyebrows. He looks, turns back to me, and fakes a put-out expression. "What? Sick of me now? Gotta get rid a' me so your other fake fiancé can come visit?"

"I'm tired." I say pointedly, pulling out of his arms and closer to the stairs, even as theirs a little grin on my face. "So get out."

"Well damn," A grin full of superficial southern charm on his face, Harper goes back to the screen door, and opens it. I pull my shawl closer around myself once again, and cross my arms back over my chest. "And here I was just startin' to feel welcome." He steps out of my house, onto the porch, then turns back; His normal visage back. "So, I'll see you tomorrow sometime?"

"Probably!"

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes. 

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”  

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability. 

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end. 

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling. 

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho 

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there. 

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table. 

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut. 

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus. 

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.” 

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all 

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot 

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot 

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble. 

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?” 

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!” 

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you. 

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids. 

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath. 

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases. 

“Truuuuue.” 

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry. 

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you. 

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won. 

“Haha, um, medic?”