#the existence (?) of goncharov makes me so happy

[atsuberry]

🍰 ˚₊‧꒰ა my faves as your roommate ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fc: atsushi nakajima, akutagawa ryuunosuke, louisa may alcott, HP lovecraft, ivan goncharov, sigma, fyodor dostoevsky

cw: college au, ooc charas, pure fluff, g/n reader, reader is lowk awkward, mentions of overdose

a/n: wow.. first post (GEULPP) I'm nervous, I hope you guys enjoy this though!! <33

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♯ 🍓┆Atsushi Nakajima .ᐟ

The sweetest roommate EVER.

You have a buttload of assignments? He'll help you! You made a mess? He'll clean it for you! You're sick? He'll take care of you.

He's genuinely so nice it makes you tear up a bit..

Always trying to find a way to find a conversation with you, oh you like working out? That's crazy because he suddenly has a membership card a few days later!.. you like anime? His favorite is the same as yours!

Shares the most concerning stories about his past and brushes it off as nothing..

And then you just stare at him dumbfounded.

Gifts you stuff as his apologies! Mostly stationery stuff, or stuff that you like.

♯ 🍮┆Akutagawa Ryūnosuke .ᐟ

Never interacts with you.

Never.

Only talks to you when he needs something

That doesn't go the same for you though, you lost your keys? That's on you.

He's a light sleeper, so if you're cramming your studies in the middle of the night making a bunch of unnecessary noise, he's wide awake.

He really needs his sleep.

Only stays on his side of the dorm, if he dropped something that somehow rolled over to your side, he'll ask you to fetch it for him. (Who does he think he is)

If you're a quiet person, he'll probably tolerate you.

♯ 🥨┆Louisa May Alcott .ᐟ

Was scared of the idea of sharing a dorm at first,

Eventually you grew onto her, but it took like A LOT of time

Sometimes, you'd see her pass out on her desk while she's studying

So you cover her up with a blanket..! (this became a frequent thing)

Louisa always notices the blanket as soon as she wakes up and feels sheepish about it,

You assure her it's fine! But you're still concerned about the fact she just LITERALLY passed out.

Sometimes asks for you to leave the dorm whenever she's doing her assignments,

And you're like, huh???..???

You shrug it off anyways.

You invite her whenever you're going out!

♯ 🥧┆H.P Lovecraft .ᐟ

He's literally non-existent

Never talks to you, only talks when you start up a conversation with him first.

He's genuinely terrifying

His side of the dorm is practically empty, he sleeps on one pillow.

He genuinely does not gaf

Whenever you're going out, he'll sometimes sleep on your bed to see if your bed is more comfortable than his.

(it is!)

Overall, he's just there, doesn't really do anything.

♯ 🥞┆Ivan Goncharov .ᐟ

High-key low-key a neat freak

He mentally disturbs you sometimes due to how unpredictable his emotions are, since he's constantly happy all the time.

Usually talks about Dostoevsky to you.

Lets you wrap his head with bandages if he's feeling lazy, but he's like, VERY detailed on how he wants it to be wrapped.

If you're a messy person then he's gonna be a real pain in the ass

If the two of you were to share a bathroom, literally the whole bathroom would be filled with shampoo bottles or whatever thingamajigs he has.

Whenever you're going out, he ALWAYS asks you to run an errand for him.

“while you're on the way, can you buy me..”

You're his errand person.

♯ 🍪┆Sigma .ᐟ

A chill roommate

His hair does concern you.. like, what even is that?? A Christmas tree??..??

It does feel nice to braid it though, the white and purple strands go well with each other when it's tangled up.

Never lets you cook, like no trust at all

Insists that y'all should just get take out instead,

Rude, but oh whatever..

Do you think he's the type of guy to show you funny videos of animals

Idk man...

♯ 🥯┆Fyodor Dostoevsky .ᐟ

His appearance genuinely concerns you,

He definitely has a shrimp posture when he's sitting.

Definitely stays up until 6 in the morning.

Only drinks like coffee for the whole day,

You try to pursue him into eating more, but he declines everytime.

However if he WERE to sleep, he'd definitely talk during his prayer before going to sleep.

(his prayer would be 10 minutes long)

One time, you caught him drinking a pill in the middle of the night thinking he was overdosing,

Turns out he had just forgotten to take his iron supplements.. whoops.

Impossible to sleep around him, his screen is always blaring a bright screen on his computer. (Unless you somehow manage to sleep around that.)

[strangest-blorbo-tourney]

Strangest blorbo tourney: prelims (propaganda under the cut)

Prowl (Transformers Generation One)

Vs.

Manfred von Karma (Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney)

Prowl:

Okay so a TF fan might not think he counts as strange but HEAR ME OUT. I'm not talking about his IDW comic book self or the version from Animated. I'm talking about the version from G1, the most popular version of the character. The version who's largest on-screen impact was his death in the 1986 movie. He had a single digit number of lines across two seasons of the show despite supposedly being the second in command of the Autobots. The version of his character that feels so concrete and consistent in all his fanworks is based on his original (largely ignored by canon) character bio, the Marvel comics (which most modern fans have never read) and decades of fanon hivemind.

Prowl was the original Goncharov. Change my mind.

Manfred von Karma:

Every single horrible thing that has ever happened in the first three games is the result of a murder he did in 2001. He is cartoonishly evil, adopting the son he orphaned and then framing said son for the murder of his father 15 years later. A lot of people HC him as a child abuser (though this is not canon, just fanon that will get you EXECUTED if you disagree with it) and if you like him, think he is a compelling villain, or even just enjoy art and fic and stuff of him you will be unpersoned. I literally made a joke about him having lead poisoning once and got excommunicated from the fandom on twitter like they were THAT upset that I would even come up with a jokey, half-sympathetic headcanon about him.

Someone once got run off the platform for organizing a zine about him. I am still to this day known as "the Lead Poisoning Guy" because I like him. One time I was in a fan server and another member constantly tried to pick fights with me because he was my comfort character. I wasn't even talking about him just, like, existing in her peripheral. I have seen Ace Attorney servers where you are banned from even mentioning him. Deadass.

It should also be noted that in the sequels there is a character who is literally like a young pretty version of him--more or less does the same level of cartoonishly evil crimes, is also a mean fancy German guy, some people even argue that this guy is WORSE. But he is beloved by the fandom and shipped with the protagonist because he is young, pretty, blonde and able-bodied while MVK is a disabled old man.

No blorbo has ever gotten me more shit than this guy. It's so weird. I think he's funny and interesting and he makes me happy.

[badlysummedupmoviestournament]

If you recognize the movies/characters hiding behind the decoy titles, please do not give identifying details about them in the notes.

Villain n°1: Goncharov Spam

I was in charge of leading a bunch of people on a trip to this place that......honestly, I didn't even know if it actually existed, but whatever, the trip's been paid for by this super rich old weirdo who thinks it does. I took this same group on another trip to find some old book that his equally weird friend wanted.

The weird friend died, but he has this dorky grandson who is like a clone of the weird friend. The book the friend wanted is in some weird writing that only the dork can read, so the dork came on the trip to give us directions. Which, fine, whatever, somebody's gotta do it, and if the weird writing says "don't go here, you'll die" I did kinda want to know that.

I should mention here that the book had a picture of what looks like some kind of magic rock So I ripped that page out. when I found out we were going to look for the place the old book was about, I showed my pals the page and offered them a piece of the sale. The only one I didn't tell is the dork because he's a damn idiot and just wants to go see the place and I don't like his skinny ass anyway.

Turned out the place exists, and it's full of people, apparently an ancient civilization. Whatever, I just wanted the damn rock. I......may have held the princess at gunpoint to make that stupid grandson read the page and tell me where the rock is. Once we had the rock, the moron kept trying to tell everybody we can't take it because this civilization (that no one even believed exists or ever did exist) will die. I said who's going to miss them, then? I've been through all kinds of hell in the military, and I just want to be rich and live the good life and my buddies will all be rich too. I even offered the dork a share and he refused! What an idiot.

I know what he thinks, but am I REALLY the asshole here?

Villain n°2: Flintlock Gun

My family has had it rough. They were the high-profile targets of a terrorist for my mom’s whole childhood. Eventually they were able to stop the terrorist, but it affected my grandmother badly. She just wants what’s best for me, but she can be a little harsh. None of that mattered too much because I was happy with my life—I loved a boy so much, and he loved me back. We were going to be happy together, and my grandmother was going to be proud of me. Then a new terrorist came. This one pretended to be different, but she wasn’t. She drugged and tricked my boyfriend into thinking he was in love with her. He humiliated me in front of everyone. When the terrorist revealed herself, she continued pretending to be good, saying she had a change of heart. The boy said he really was in love with her, even after he knew that she had taken advantage of him. And now, they’re engaged to be married. My grandmother is so disappointed in me. I’m not like my parents—I couldn’t defeat this threat. Everything I thought was true was a lie. I guess evil is good. Everyone else seems to think so.

[rainbowsky]

You might have noticed that I've been using Tumblr badges on my profile, and I wanted to talk a little bit about that.

If you've been following my blog for any amount of time you know that I have been very critical of the Tumblr team and the changes that have been made, most of which have run totally contrary to the preferences and desires of the user base. Over the past year especially we've seen a shocking decline in the quality of life on Tumblr, and some of the most unpopular updates I've ever seen on any site or app.

The idea of supporting Tumblr has been utterly laughable to me. Why would I or any other user want to help fund the ridiculous agenda of a team that does not care, and in fact is utterly hostile to the existing user base?

There were theories among some angry users, myself included, that Tumblr was focusing all of their development resources on trying to court new users, and that they viewed existing users as an obstacle to that endeavor (those theories proved to be true when the CEO made a post talking about the decision to abandon that approach, shrink the Tumblr team down to a skeleton crew and refocus the remaining resources on making the existing users happy).

And I have to say, so far so good. Tumblr Live - probably the most despised new feature - is going the way of the dinosaur as of the 24th of January. Some of the previous annoyances have been rolled back to their old functionality, and the Tumblr team is working on re-enabling functionality that makes it easier to access previous posts in a reblog chain (something users have been clamoring for for months).

Many of us were unwilling to support the site because we were unhappy with the direction that it was headed in. People were canceling their ad-free and boycotting the Tumblr Mart.

I believe in voting with our wallets when it comes to dealing with businesses. If we are willing to cancel subscriptions and refuse to make purchases because things are not going in a direction we want, then I feel like it is incumbent on us to reverse course when things start heading in a direction we are happy with.

All of this to say, now might be a good time to consider throwing a few bucks at this hellsite, to show our appreciation for the direction things have been going in. And if you're not ready to throw more money at them but you've bought checkmarks or other things in the past, now might be a good time to start displaying them again.

I don't really care much about purchasing pixels to display on my profile. I thought the Goncharov one was cute when it became available last year, but I don't even believe in astrology. However, I bought the zodiac badge and have been displaying my badges in a conscious effort to contribute to a climate where it is socially acceptable to show support for Tumblr.

I'm cautiously optimistic and I want to contribute to what I view as a more positive direction for Tumblr. If you feel the same way, I encourage you to follow suit.

I want to close by adding that there are of course still many things that a lot of us are unhappy with, and that's likely to always be the case. It's up to every individual to decide whether things have started to shift enough to where they feel comfortable showing support for that new direction.

[linisiane]

I’m kind of annoyed at the big posts about Zepotha rn. You guys are gatekeepers and don’t even understand what you’re gatekeeping! Cohesion this and lack of plot that. “Skill issue” “Copycat!—” NO. We must go deeper.

Goncharov was a love letter to tumblr fandom culture. An analysis of the way we collectively talk queer themes into existence.

Tumblr blogs dedicated to queer ships. Intricate metas on the queer themes of a work. Screenshot redraws of romantic moments. Comics that are incredibly horny but still somehow capture the original themes. Prompt fills of what we imagine the story could’ve been had there been another (gayer) way.

So many of these types of posts on tumblr are considered reaches or “making things up” by the greater world. But they are analyses made meaningful through this shared sense of community, this shared experience of queerness in a society that doesn’t think of us or our themes as real. Goncharov being “made up” is a celebration of the way we come together to make the queer themes we want to see in the world, especially the ones the world doesn’t think exists. A way to say, “Of course we’re ‘mAkiNg tHiNgS uP,’ Goncharov is made up,” like it’s some sort of metaphor made literal.

Yes, the Google docs and the Martin Scorsese movie framework are a huge part of what made Goncharov work, but what spread excitement are the Goncharov posts just like the ones I listed above. Goncharov isn’t just what we imagine this fake movie to be, but also the fandom/queer culture we imagined surrounded it, and I’d argue that this culture is just as much of a framework for Goncharov as the Martin Scorsese thing was. Why else have non-canonical gay ships in the movie we made up?

TikTok’s problem is that it doesn’t have the original passion and love for queer analysis to gel it the way Goncharov did. Or really anything to gel it beyond cheap clout chasing. No depth, only virality.

It’s like a cute in joke being turned into loveless corporate marketing. Taking something from its original context to prey upon it, ruining what was good about it in the first place. It feels like when corporations tried to recreate Barbenheimer, except it’s someone trying to create a trend on TikTok to market their song, only for the trend to burn out quickly because everybody’s treating it like a joke instead of committing. By its structure (the reblog system) Tumblr is a place of collaboration and building upon what’s come before. TikTok, on the other hand, favors a personalized algorithm pushing viral content over content creators. It’s about reaching the top of a trend or a sound before it dies off in two weeks.

It just rubs me the wrong way how some people act like Zepotha’s crime is being a shitty copy of Goncharov. This is the Fanfiction website. We love amateurism and “originality” means nothing to us. We should be happy to celebrate the people on there making genuine attempts at TikTok edits of the characters or those TikTok green screen filter reviews of the movie or ‘dressing like Zepotha characters’ vids instead of denigrating Zepotha for being too derivative. There are genuine tiktoks out there that do a great job of committing to the bit and crystallizing what fandom formats on TikTok look like, which is exactly what the Goncharov screenshot redraws, horny comics, and queer metas were on Tumblr.

Like, there’s so much to rag against Zepotha—the inauthenticity, the clout-chasing, the way TikTok’s virality algorithm makes art worse, the lack of in-universe TikToks calling out the Zepotha fans for being racist (I’d kill for that TikTok skit!)—that roasting the amateur execution of excited teens is missing the forest for the trees.

[omgzineplease]

Fast Facts:

-I've bee in this fandom since 2015, but only started posting content in I thiiiiink 2019? Maybe 2020? Anyway, the Check, Please! to irl hockey pipeline is soooo real.

-If you remember "Everybody's Husband, Jeff Troy" and "Jeff Troy Is Secretly Scared of Santa", that was my doing!

-This fandom introduced me to some of my best friends and the person I'm marrying so I'll always be grateful for that <3

About me:

Hi there! I'm Tea! (they/them) (23 y/o)

I'm the admin that corrals the others when they're being troublemakers (and as such am toootally entitled to a little trouble myself) and aside from that, I do a lot of behind-the-scenes worker bee stuff.

I write a lot of ficlets for discord servers I'm in, but most of those don't see the light of public day lol. I've got some longer works in my drafts at the moment and I can't wait to share them all with y'all!

My favorite character is Jeff "Swoops" Troy. I know he's not a real Check, Please! character, but when asked why I like him so much, all I can tell ya is he's the pre-Goncharov Goncharov!

I just think it's really neat how a portion of this fandom came together and constructed an entire elaborate identity, personality, and story for this one dude who really doesn't even exist in the media he's supposed to be from. It's led to a lot of wonderful works of art and writing. For me personally, it's led to a lot of happy moments and meaningful friendships. I just think that's neat!

Fun facts:

-My personal record for most crawfish eaten in one sitting is 4 pounds!

-I have 4 cats and 2 dogs

-I have a background in circus arts. Also, I once caught covid at clown school, which makes me the clowniest of all the clowns y'all know. It's a high honor, I know.

Things I Think Would Be Cool in the Zine

-As a multishipper and polyamorous person, I would love to see polyam content in the zine!!

-I'm a huuuge enjoyer of these ships: parswoops, pimms, pimmswoops, pbj (plus swoops too!), holsom, and jackholtz

-jackholtz antagonistic exes nation...where y'all at???

Can't wait for this project to come together. Here's a little parting gift for now. Talk soon!

[lary-the-lizard]

Whenever I feel offended by something someone said that has nothing to do with me I reach within the chaos most people label “brain” and look in the suspicious hiding places to see if my reaction to whatever is being said is a societal problem or a me problem.

For instance, a lot of tumblr people felt really weird about how a person on twitter said that tumblr users failed to make the site desirable to twitter users and that our memes aren’t actually funny. Some people enjoyed the take that twitter and tumblr just have different cultures and what pleases us won’t necessarily please others. Which is valid and true but this response to insult isn’t a sustainable coping mechanism. I could just feel the tendency to say something mean about twitter users ready to surface. I think that what was said was actually so much better than tumblr’s usual response but at the same time it very much had the same flavor of, we’re better because we’re different. I feel frustrated with these types of responses to bullying and being insulted because of my own journey with trauma and bullying. I can see the weak points and want to save everyone from the kickback that normally comes later.

So I guess I’m advertising what I feel to be a superior coping mechanism which is taking a step back and reevaluating what our goals are, what is actually the truth of the matter, and why it matters at all. Most often I find that whatever is being is used to insult or harm me is actually invested or built on a societal lie. Other times after reevaluating I realize that the argument or insult has actually come about because people are looking at something very inconsequential way too closely and it does not affect me at all. Applying this coping mechanism to the twitter/tumblr discussion brought me to two responses that I feel are much more helpful than the ones shared. One: it’s kind of weird that the person posting that statement on twitter thought that tumblr users were trying to attract twitter users at all. It’s also weird that that they thought that they’re perspective on what is and isn’t funny is the only correct perspective and tumblr humor is not it. Two: it’s sad that tumblr users then felt like they needed to have a reason to feel okay with continuing to exist the way we do. Twitter’s opinion of us doesn’t matter, we enjoy our amends and fandoms and that’s the whole point. We don’t need to make sense in order to enjoy what we do, and trying to do that allows someone else’s definition of worth to influence our way of thinking of ourselves. It is true that our Goncharov meme has turned into more than just a meme but that is the way it started and it was very funny and the reason it was funny to us is mostly because it’s so silly! And that’s okay. Random humor isn’t lesser because some people don’t get it. If it’s pleasing to someone it’s already succession in its purpose. You do not need to justify yourself to feel secure in your hobbies, sense of humor, or whatever. If you enjoy them they are already good. “Taste” was invented by people that were ashamed of seeing a part of themselves in who they deemed to be lesser. “Taste” is classist and lonely. Enjoy what you enjoy, have fun, be silly. The point is that you found happiness somewhere and you are deserving of happiness.

[wromwood]

I posted 5,254 times in 2022

148 posts created (3%)

5,106 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@peepabell

@chiropteracupola

@vimbry

@penny-anna

@modmad

I tagged 3,893 of my posts in 2022

Only 26% of my posts had no tags

#hehe - 1,091 posts

#tiktok - 301 posts

#doctor who - 300 posts

#fanart - 260 posts

#comics - 201 posts

#cats - 141 posts

#music - 124 posts

#second doctor - 113 posts

#pokemon - 108 posts

#garfield - 101 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#a happy little rectangle who has a furry boyfriend shows that one child will almost certainly come out as some kind of gay inthe future

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Me: Well. I’ve survived the first season of Made In Abyss. It was definitely.... a lot. It certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone that one time. But I’m used to horror. I’m even used to gore. The season one finale was sad and creepy, but honestly more in line with what I can handle. I’m invested enough to keep pushing through. Right?

Me approximately 37 minutes into Dawn of the Deep Soul: oh noOOOOOOOO

57 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#4

So, I’m rewatching the old movie adaptation of West Side Story since I watched the new one in theaters yesterday. Despite having seen this movie YEARS ago, I just realized that the social worker who tries to get everyone to dance with different people at the gym dance is played by JOHN ASTIN. Gomez Addams himself!

He just looks like this.

This is like seeing my dad shave his mustache off: vaguely distressing in a way that I know isn’t a big deal, but still feels wrong.

57 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

#3

Today, I attended my university’s Acts of Storytelling Class, and I asked my classmates (who are all mostly my age and very familiar with the Internet) if they were following the Goncharov stuff on Tumblr. While a couple of them knew what I meant, most were still unaware. I briefly explained what Goncharov was, and how it grew from its origins as a knockoff shoe label to a whole fictional movie made through the unrequested creative efforts of a whole social media platform. “Isn’t it interesting?” I asked. “Isn’t it cool?”

I was surprised to hear a collective response of sighs and scoffs.

“Please explain how this is interesting,” said my teacher.

“I don’t know how some people find the time to make stuff like this,” said one of my classmates.

“Yeah, of all the things they could be doing,” said another.

I immediately responded by saying that the people making Goncharov content aren’t all flippantly devoting “valuable free time” to something that previously didn’t exist. They’re participating in a group act of creation, making a story out of nothing. People are making high quality gif and photosets, movie posters and VHS/DVD box art. There are named characters and debates about if the two lesbian characters are good representation or not, or if that even matters. Just today, I heard music that someone composed from the “soundtrack.” This was all made relatively unprompted, just for the love of creation, and all from a knockoff shoe label.

“You’ve got to wonder what else is going on in a person’s life if they’re making music for a movie that doesn’t exist,” replied one of my classmates.

I didn’t reply after this. I didn’t know how. I was too baffled by how my classmates, in a class devoted to the Acts of Storytelling, could look down on this miraculous and fun act of storytelling that was happening as we spoke, just a few clicks and keyboard taps away. How they could all dismiss this as a waste of time.

Aside from the fact that Tumblr has a multitude of people and published authors (or their equivalents in other mediums) usually work alone, how is this any different from reading or watching a story that someone poured their heart into, a story created out of random wisps of inspiration, and saying “How could someone find the time to make this?” with an equal amount of disdain?

83 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#2

Today, during a University event, I was speaking with a few people about the Discworld series. The Color of Magic was brought up, and someone said that they never really got into Rincewind until the later books, and even then, he wasn’t one of their favorite characters.

I am very proud of how I decided to dress that day, because I was able to respond with

“Noooo, I love Rincewind! He’s on my shirt!”

(brushes aside jean jacket to show my Rincewind shirt that I bought off Redbubble)

“And my socks!”

(pulls up pants leg to show off my Rincewind-themed socks, which are actual Discworld merch)

Like. I may be getting a bit too excited about it, but I love that for a second, I felt like one of those cartoon gags where a character says they aren’t super into something, and then it cuts to another character who is dressed head to toe in that thing’s merch/apparel.

85 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Seeing Dan recognize and DO SOMETHING about the (now canon!) feelings that Yaz has for the Doctor made me imagine his reaction to meeting Two and Jamie.

Like, imagine Dan having a word alone with his Doctor after Two and Jamie leave the room, practically climbing onto each other as they talk about what to do next.

Dan: ohhh, so Yaz wasn't the first person to fall for you.

13: I.... I don't know what you mean! You jump to conclusions very easily, Dan.

Dan: You don't need to worry about me judging you, Doctor, he's a handsome man for sure. You could've had a far worse boyfriend.

13: We.... never really put labels on things, you know, we just appreciated each others'-

Dan: Bodies?

13: DAN

Dan: You were at LEAST making out.

13: You! You are... grounded! You are TARDIS grounded!

Dan: All right, confine me to the magical time machine with an infinite amount of rooms. I’ll surely die of boredom.

107 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mangacat201]

I posted 1,995 times in 2022

That's 277 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (1%)

1,972 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@queenklu

@ahhhnorealnamesallowed

@the-marathon-continues-nip

@hattalove

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

I tagged 1,906 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#0 - 53 posts

#laugh rule yo - 77 posts

#the devil judge - 74 posts

#911 fox - 55 posts

#resource post - 48 posts

#the untamed - 41 posts

#duuuuuuuuuude - 37 posts

#word of honor - 34 posts

#bad and crazy - 34 posts

#true dat - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#yeah once i realized how small their size of canon interaction actually is i went like 😳😳😳 because headcanon was so vast and limbo like

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can you explain the origin of goncharev???

Ahhhhh... my friend your ask has set me with a nigh impossible task, for Goncharov as a phenomenon is a many-legged kraken whose suckers will snag any unsuspecting tumblr-fish swimming by while its center remains hidden by the jagged edges of the digital reef.

But i will try!

See, it started with a shoe.

No, it started with someone making a shoe who did not know what they were doing.

Nay, it started with someone being slapped with the dodgeball of Apollo's gift of prophecy and predicting that tumblr would hence come together to invent a piece of media and create a Fandom out of it so vast and authentic, people outside the hivemind would believe it was real and start to be driven mad with trying to find the source that only exists in the shape that is left empty by all the fannish things created around it.

And the tumbrlinas would be so delighted by their own work that they perpertuated it to the point of alerting its supposed creator who then went IN ON THE BIT.

And so the new fannish corner of the internet trundles on, continuing to make art and writing and music and meta discussions and we looked upon it and shared it as good.

Or, you know, you can have the origin explainer post (as far as i can tell) here🤣🤪🤭:

9 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

#4

I miss them.

The emotional build up of this SENDS me.

11 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#3

Just sitting here, minding my own business. Meanwhile my spider plant a few days ago started to try and establish first contact with baby!Groot. Don't really know what to do with that🤣.

12 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#2

𝐓𝐀𝐆 (𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄) 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 ����𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

Got tagged by @hedgewyse whom I was very happy to get to know better via this tag game, thanks a lot! Sorry it took so long to respond, I needed to get on tumblr on the laptop where I can actually type up text and I had a lot of things going on this past week that kept me LOL.

Favourite colour: Blue.

No explanation, not particular reason why, it’s just always been blue. All shades from deep purple to almost white. But I have a special place in my heart for the word ‘turquoise’, which I feel is just so the most. 

Currently reading: Oh good gosh, my open doc reading list is so long, I will constrain myself to the most recent things...

“(Love is)The second oldest profession” The 9-1-1 Buck/Eddie pornstar!AU I knew I needed but kept for a special occasion

I’m also reading “Achtsam Morden” a national German bestseller and the first actual like physical book I’ve picked up in probably four years. It’s hilarious and murdery and perfect

I’m listening to “Blood & Paper” by Kevin Hearne (whom I recently got to meet at a book signing event when he was visiting here and a friend asked me to spontaneously tag along - best decision in ages) Love the audiobook version read by Luke Daniels, he’s a whizz with the accents.

“Hide the drums (there’s fire in the sky)” latest installment of the Magical Marriage Ribbons-Verse, the Untamed Mega Saga, for which the author starandrea has been posting a chapter every day since May 31st 2020, so 805 consecutive days as of now without missing ONE. It boggles the mind. (I’ve started reading when the verse was ... oh I think about three parts in, I haven’t missed one too since then)

Last song: “The Greatest Show on Earth” - Nightwish, it’s my soundtrack for my daily yoga practice (no I am in fact not joking), so it doesn’t really count last leisure listening was the soundtrack of ‘Robin Hood - Das Musical’

Last series: Ooofff... ok, so many balls in the air at the same time. I’m watching “The Sandman” of course, as you do and loving it. Also “Extraordinary Attorney Woo” which is THE MOST(tm). Recently finished my rewatch and catch-up of “Manifest” and rewatched a couple of episodes of The Devil Judge with a friend who just started and that I got into it, remembering why I can’t be normal about those boys (and how delightful it is to rewatch with someone experiencing sth for the first time). Of course went down the magnificent and batshit crazy rabbithole that is Kinnporsche. Also, “Tomorrow” which is definitely my fav K-Drama of 2022.

Last movie: Day Shift - Fun and a nice remix of vampire tropes that you don’t really see on top of each other a lot. But it felt more like a set up to a movie trilogy I don’t know if it’s made enough impact into getting, so the premise might have been served better as a mini series? ...The Gray Man, which was solid and enjoyable and absolutely bonkers with how hilarious it was to watch Chris Evans have a ton of fun playing straight up, no holds barred, unredeemable villian. Ryan Gosling can stay... Ana de Armas is queen bee.

Currently working on: My last day of vacation :sob: and of course my WIP/plot bunnie enclosure excel spreadsheet (yes, I do not do things by half until I halfass writing them). Anyway, actual words or plotty thinky thoughts were put into:

- The Devil Judge a/b/o PWP (that has, so far, about 5k of set up and no porn) with a Jung Sunah made them do it scenario and non-traditional dynamics (yeah, idek...)

- Vincenzo Inception fusion - Jang Han Seo wakes up from getting shot to a curious set up of sleeping people around him (really really wanna write this one but the premise is so vast I’m afraid of flaming out again)

- three separate 9-1-1 Buddie fics of varying size and scope that reaches from one’s in love the other isn’t and confessions make things complicated (or do they), the fall out from the truck bombing goes the other way for Buck & the “Eddie deals with his 5B-issues by discovering shibari”!AU (do NOT try this at home-therapy)

- The Untamed - Blades of Glory!AU

pheeeeew. hooookay, wow, that was interesting, hope your learned something about me. I’mma tag some people, but please, feel free to participate at your own leisure. @hattalove, @the-marathon-continues-nip , @iskarieot, @themostglorioushour, @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels , @fondofeveryprickle, @ahhhnorealnamesallowed, @sam-t-a, @b612sunsets

16 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Jonathan Harker: Yo, yo, mofos, what's up, I'm about to drop some TRUE FAX. ×proceeds to speak lawyer for five paragraphs, then looks out the window×.

Dracula: ×scales castle wall upside down like a gecko×

Jonathan Harker: Akjejsksljhejslwpfjfbf DUDE WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCKERY IS THIS!?!?!?!?!!!!????

23 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yeasty-boy]

I posted 248 times in 2022

That's 212 more posts than 2021!

19 posts created (8%)

229 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gay-panic-in-a-bottle

@dingdongyouarewrong

@nandodelacruz

@bestmannequin2018

@starfleetrambo

I tagged 84 of my posts in 2022

#pathologic - 18 posts

#unreality - 7 posts

#artemy burakh - 6 posts

#goncharov - 5 posts

#daniil dankovsky - 5 posts

#i would die for each of these doggos - 2 posts

#artemy my beloved - 2 posts

#clara the changeling - 2 posts

#someone please knock me out - 2 posts

#been using it to make my insomniac episode more bearable - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#like the game is one bog performance so having the characters being literal actors is just ✨ muah ✨ chiefs kiss

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

....

Why is this trending

2 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#4

I just rewatched the goncharov and holy shit I have so much to talk about

First of all I absolutely love the way that color is used in these movies. It reminds me of some of the earlier films to use it, in that it was used sparingly. Everything is bland and bleak save for a singular accent color. It naturally draws the eye to the focus and makes everything else fade into the background and also taking away general noise

The color red is given a specific connotation in conjugation with the apple motif, symbolizing a loss of innocence through ones one choices, specifically the sort brought about through betrayal. When Katya kills her husband she is covered in blood, specifically staining her white coat, which has been used to present shelteredness and safety (though can also be interpreted as being trapped, which ever resonates more with you). Until this point she has never directly killed anyone and here she is, look how far she has fallen, covered in her own betrayal. She has destroyed the thing which protected her, melted her wax wings, but her fall is the most free she has ever been

Not only that but the use of green being interpreted as freedom (or alternatively wishes and desires). In Katya's final moments, she pictures Sofia, surrounded by lush green fields, forest, and freedom. Sofia up until this point has been wearing blue (which I can go into it's symbolism later) but in this moment she is wearing stark green, making nature itself look dull by comparison. She is the true freedom and only in death does Katya realize the gravity of that

(also I just love these two so much, like yes they are terribly people who cannot communicate basic emotions and if they just talked then at least two people could have had a happy ended but at the same time that's their tragedy because there was never a world where they could have ran away because katya would always be katya and sofia would always be sofia)

3 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#3

One thing I wanted to talk about was how fucking hard it is to find this movie. Like I heard about it through a friend of a friend who went on and on about how great this thing was so I decided to pirate it but it was impossible. Like every single one was either filmed on someones wet pasta noodle and then deep fried, or just covered in ads making it impossible to watch

After that I decided to look through my dad's massive movie collection (the man has well over 2000 movies saved to discs so if anyone had this film it would be him)

At this point I didn't even care about the movie, it was now a matter of pride. This movie existed and was thwarting my attempts to find it for well over a week now and I would be damned if it won

I sifted through boxes of movies, covered in dust, looking for the picture which was now burned into my brain. On the 3 box I found it, innocuous and real. The disc case was still intact, though the paper picture inside was warped from water damage. At this point I was fully expecting the movie not to exist and here it was, in my grubby little hands. I practically sprinted to my computer and started to play the movie. I was shaking from the discovery, after days of searching I found it, all on my dad's Blu-ray dvd

I'm sure now it has become much easier to pirate it (with growing awareness and such) but I'm almost glad that I had to work so hard to find it. That somewhere in my house it had been waiting for someone to open it up again and take a look

3 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#2

One of the reasons I love the barter system in pathologic is because it makes me feel like the middling part of a failed pyramid scheme. I run around, the vast majority of my inventory taken up by objects that are useless to me, in hopes of finding someone who will be willing to exchange it for something less useless. On the third day I distinctly remember running around with 10 various nuts, looking for the exact bullets I needed. Because of the various things you can trade, I end up hoarding complete trash and I love it

20 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don't know why but I absolutely adore the idea of pathologic time loop au. Like the character go through their twelve days and then BAM "IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING????"

They all navigate the second run in complete terror and confusion, jumping around through what little they remember of their quests and kinda doing better? But it mainly being hindered by their own existential dread, confusion, and general trying to figure what the fuck is going on.

Then it just repeats on infantum until (I'm choosing Clara for this since she's the resident strange girl) figures out a solution and everyone gets a semi happy ending or they have to make big sacrifice, what ever floats your boat

21 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[inkskinned]

you know, the light that fades at the end of Goncharov isn't light.

i am not a very good person to talk to about movies. i haven't seen most of the "official" american canon - jaws, psycho, citizen kane. i have seen sharknado, though. like so much in my childhood, what i knew was a little jar on a long shelf of gallons; my world was a catholic desert in new england weather.

my father had gotten his snout up about something; so we had to watch it. he was mad we hadn't seen it, the way people are going to be mad i haven't seen those three up i named there, as if i me having-not-seen-the-movie was because i was making some kind of political statement or argument. i just haven't seen them yet, i have no opinion about it. i'll eventually get around to it, god be willing.

during that time, i was doing bad in school and worse in taking care of my body. i sat on the floor on this green pillow, one of the ones my dog eventually tears up. my dad typed g-o-n into the DVR with that slow methodical passion, the remote tilted so the "rays" or whatever would somehow find the ever-smaller input.

he was excited. "you need to understand the light." he didn't look at me while he did it, focused.

"are you spelling gonorrhea." my brother, the eldest, was 17 in this memory. he was sitting on the chair in the corner, playing a game i can't remember the name of. (starfleet? star invaders? it was online, i know that. lots of clicking.)

my dad is used to this. we talk over each other all the time. "when they made it, scorsese wanted this specific hue over everything." my father looks over his shoulder at me, but i'm on the floor, stretching. i don't have a smart phone yet. i'm just watching with the anxious-restless feeling we all get when your father is painstakingly typing something into a virtual keyboard at an eighth of the speed you could have managed. "you'd like this, raquel. what color do you think he wanted?"

my mom comes in from the kitchen. "do we want salt or butter on the popcorn?" she has a handful she pops into her mouth. "wait for your sister to come upstairs. she'll be mad if she misses a part."

"salt," i say, while my brother says "butter."

"spruce." my dad is undeterred. he finally clicks the v, and then navigates over the red tiles to enter. "Spruce."

"okay?" i like dark green too. to be honest, i have no idea who Scorsese is or why he is important. (this is, by the way, still true.)

"here's the thing." my father doesn't actually click the "enter." he just looks at me, adjusting his glasses. "it doesn't exist."

okay. he's right. i do like this. i squint up at him, the signal to go on.

"it came to him in a dream. it's not a real color." my brother monotones, flat. he's heard this story before, and he's 17.

"i still say it's green," my mother says. she comes in holding the salt-and-buttered popcorn, fluffy in an orange bowl. "he just never painted a house, is all."

"it's a candle smell," i say.

"a tree." i don't know when my little sister came upstairs. she's braiding her hair, frowning. "i thought we were going to watch psych."

"it's old movie night," my mother answers. there's something there, in the cant of her smile, which i won't understand until i am much older. if you are over 25, you know what i saw. my mother, seeing her family settle like tired birds around a movie screen, for the moment placid, not-fighting. none of the children are happy about the selection - why would we be?

"Scorsese says it's not green." my father finally clicks rent for 2.99. "he was looking for this specific color, the one from his dreams. the color he had been told was called spruce, through someone in the dream." he looks to me again, his poet. "you know how dreams always feel... different. when you look back on them in your memories, they don't color in all the way. and he wanted that dream tinge."

the memories of my dreams are covered in colored static. sometimes i nightmare in black and white. i did not share this information, thinking it was too private. (forgive me. i was 14. everything was too-private for me.)

"a regular hitchcock," my mom mutters. we don't know, yet, not really, about what hitchcock did.

"he revolutionized the lighting industry. raquel, you have to look for the light in this thing. it's only in a few frames per scene. he didn't want it to be overwhelming."

"he fired like 10 people while he was doing it." my brother doesn't look up from his screen, clicking feverishly. "in order to get the color, he had to develop a software to switch lighting past human speed." he sends a glance towards the TV, kind of relenting. "it was cool, actually. he didn't actually light the room with that speed, he used one set of colors on the set and then another set specifically over the film. we're basically seeing two films: one that has the regular lighting, and then just this lighting track playing on top."

"like a sound list - ah, what's that called?" my father's remote hovers over play. i am trying to figure out what color i think spruce is going to be. "soundtrack," he amends. "are we all ready?"

"i still don't think it's real," my mother says. "i think he made it up for PR." my mother is good at colors. my mother would be right about that kind of thing.

"hon, he spent thousands of dollars on this." my father isn't angry, for once, he's smiling. "i'm telling you, it happens."

she shrugs. "i'll believe it when i see it."

we are not ready. we have to each find places to sit. i've been lying about how bad my eyesight is getting, so i keep my seat on the floor, close to the television. my mother, father, and sister take the couch. i make sure i am within reaching distance of the popcorn. my brother even kind-of closes his monstrosity of a laptop. then my mother has to use the bathroom, so we all do, so we won't have to pause later. then my sister remembers her homework, so i get mine too, spreading it uselessly in front of me. i slide open my verizon sidekick keyboard phone to text Dean who the fuck is scorkayze? [sic] and then we are ready.

my mom falls asleep by the end of the first 15 minutes. my father misses most of it, since he's already seen it, going downstairs to play World Civ instead. my sister doesn't get it, so she ends up at the dining room table, doing homework instead. my brother goes back to the video game.

i stare really, really, really hard at the film, trying to figure out where the spruce happens. a few frames per scene.

i don't like the film. like most movies i saw at the time, i found it boring. i had undiagnosed adhd. i spend most of my time stretching and texting and not-doing my homework. again, i'm sorry - i was 14.

when the "gun" finally goes off - if you've seen the movie, you know the scene, and i won't spoil it here for other readers - i looked back over my shoulder towards my family. all of us, quiet in our own little seats. satellites. did i want this memory to be different? that i would turn and see my family, happily crowded chickadees, our wings brushing? or is this just the real-life, the type of love where we are not nesting birds, but foxes. prowling the edges of our comfort with our jaws open. snapping at the shadows, wishing for the closeness we don't allow ourselves to get. tomorrow we will watch psych. this is the last year of my life that all of us will live under the same roof. my brother goes off to college, and my sister and i follow suit. it is the last year my grades don't matter. it is my sister's first year of middle school. it is 2007; and in 2008, in the recession, we will no longer be able to afford to turn on the heat.

behind me, on the television, the light was fading.

sometimes, when i think back to it, shifting through the memory: it appears out of the thin air. a frame of spruce. it's never around the movie. my father's hands on the remote. my brother's low voice. the sound of my sister walking up the stairs. the popcorn smell hanging in the air. for a moment, the sense - everything is easy. and you know? i think i see it, mr. scorsese.

[starlightomatic]

Y’all. This doesn’t have to be a shipping war. Shipping does not have to be who you think is canonically Destined To Be Together; it can just be who you enjoy thinking about as a ship. And, you can ship multiple conflicting configurations! Because those different storylines can exist in different fan universes.

For instance, I love shipping Katya and Goncharov. I think they had such a soft sweet romance back in Moscow before everything fell apart, and I love how bittersweet their slow dissent into disconnection was, culminating in the heartbreaking bridge scene and then long past repair in the boat scene.

But! Goncharov and Andrey clearly have chemistry and homoerotic subtext; it makes me happy to imagine an ending where things went differently and they got to be together, or where they got together during the narrative and averted all the tragedy. I’m a sucker for a good they-lived-happily-ever-after, especially for characters who have suffered so much.

And Katya x Sofia! Could they have saved each other from themselves? Themselves from each other? Run away together and escaped the world of violence the men in their lives were creating? Sometimes, the point of fic and fanworks is to create alternate realities where the characters can find peace and solace — just like with Goncharov and Andrey.

And while I don’t personally ship Katya and Andrey, their attraction for each other absolutely shapes the other characters’ stories and I see the appeal of forbidden love (or rather, lust) and all the racy, glamorous aesthetics that come out of that.

So, yes — I’m a Sotya shipper and a Goncharey shipper and a Goncherina shipper. It doesn’t mean they’re all in a polyamorous quad together (although, I did read a wonderful fic about that), it just means each set of fanon storylines can be appreciated on its own. You can enjoy, delve into, write and draw about, and be heartbroken by any or all of these pairings without them infringing on the legitimacy of any of the others!

[transgirl-catra]

Gotta say I'm genuinely really happy to see the sudden wave of appreciation for Goncharov but man y'all are critically overlooking Sofia. Like she gets the rebirth in fire to Goncharov's rebirth in water for a reason. It is a story about mortality and the inevitability of change and running out of time and she is the ultimate manifestation of that. She's not good bc nobody in this movie is good, but she is new, a chaotic force unbound by the strictures of the mafia, and that's what makes her so terrifying but also so alluring to Katya, who is entrenched in these power structures but also an outsider who knows they need to change.

And part of her does want those structures to accept her, and maybe if she wasn't a woman and young and without ties to an existing family she wouldn't be like this. It always sticks with me that the first thing we see her do after surviving the explosion is steal a pair of scissors and cut her hair short while still covered in ash and blood. But she knows that she can't. Katya knows that she can't, and in the end she realizes that she can't fight entropy, and that's why she takes the gun and shoots goncharov even when Sofia realizes she can't go through with it (side note: the way she takes the gun from Sofia's hand is so goddamn tender it makes me insane).

And Goncharov recognizes this too! There's a reason that the very final moments of the film are him looking at Sofia and remembering himself and Andrey in the park looking out at the city! He remembers what its like to be young and terribly wounded but still convinced that the world (miniaturized as the city, ofc) is a bright and shining thing full of potential, and the true horror is that he knows that some day she will face the same fate. It's genuinely fucking poetic and I think about it all the time.

[cephy-the-squid]

Catholicism and Homoeroticism in Goncharov (1973 Film) (An Analysis)

I was excited to see that the 1973 film, Goncharov, has been making a Renaissance. It has been a long term favorite film of mine, and I am excited to finally see it get the recognition it deserves.

Reading all of the discourse on the film has prompted me to rewatch it. I haven’t seen it since I was young, and I noticed a lot of subtext that I originally failed to grasp.

I have seen a large number of posts referencing the homoerotic subtext between Goncharov (De Niro) and Andrey (Keitel). While this was not something I noticed when I originally watched the film, upon my rewatch, I can see where these posts are coming from. In fact, I cannot help but agree.

In the 1973 film Goncharov, the writer and director, Matteo JWHJ 0715, used his Catholic upbringing to showcase the claustrophobic nature of the heteronormativity in his own personal life.

Goncharov and Andrey are characterized from the beginning as sharing affections for the same woman, Katya (Shepherd) (Poster). Despite this, they have more scenes with each other than with her. While Katya’s involvement drives their motivations and the plot, her character is separate from the character arcs of the male leads. Instead, she has her own parallel narrative with Sofia, that rarely interacts with the male leads (Roseandblossom).

When Katya does share the screen with Goncharov and Andrey, all of the characters involved are shown to be unhappy. They rarely smile when they are together. They never laugh.

Katya is characterized in the film as perfect. In literary critiques, she is frequently likened to “Maddona”, especially when compared tothe other female lead, Sofia (Roseandblossom, Galaxychowder, and Wirttheloverboy). On the surface, her character is similar to Helen of Troy. She exists to be desired. Her role as a character is to be Goncharov’s wife. Instead of being her own character, should be Goncharov’s compliment, designed to further his character arc.

But Katya is not satisfied with this role. She does not want to be in the background. She does not want to be nurturing, supportive, and ignored. She refuses to be nothing more than a MacGuffin (Bedard). She will not be just one more dead wife whose character only exists to advance a man. Like the rest of the characters, she longs to break free of her script.

Katya repeatedly mentions her dissatisfaction with the traditional housewife role she is being forced into (Smithens). Goncharov’s responses and arguments get weaker each time. Eventually, the last time she mentions her displeasure with her expected role, Goncharov seems to have no response. He sits in silence for nearly an entire minute of screen time. Then, he responds simply by saying, “Non c'è nient'altro che possiamo fare” (There is nothing else we can do). Katya throws an empty beer bottle at the wall, shattering it beyond repair. The scene fades to black.

These characters and relationships are not happy.

This is, of course, noticeably different from the scenes featuring both Goncharov and Andrey. The scene in which Goncharov and Andrey attempt to mislead Valery is frequently discussed, and for good reason.

Although the topic they discuss, wine and anchovy pairings, is not inherently deep or meaningful, it holds deep meaning to the narrative. Both Goncharov and Andrey seem to be having fun, albeit begrudgingly. They smile. They laugh. They allow themselves to discuss topics that are frivolous and silly. They stare deeply into each other's eyes with a sense of longing.

But these are not what makes this scene so impactful. After all, those same things can be said about most of these characters’ interactions.

At one point, their hands touch as they both reach for the bread in the center of the table, and Andrey lets Goncharov take the bread. These two men have been in conflict the entire time. They have been fighting and competing. But Andrey lets Goncharov have the bread.

Goncharov seems surprised by this, which is reasonable. Andrey’s overwhelming masculinity and refusal to give seems in contrast with this choice. Light flashes off of the cross necklace on Goncharov’s neck. It almost seems to burn in the light.

It is difficult to see this interaction and not think that all of the characters’ main problems would be solved if Goncharov and Andrey formed their own relationship instead of fighting over Katya. This would allow Katya the independence she craves and allow Goncharov and Andrey to foster the joy and vulnerability that they only seem able to find in each other.

This interaction is brief, bookended on both sides by mobster-style action and farcical discussions of anchovy and wine pairings. But, that doesn’t take away this moment’s meaning.

The director of Goncharov (film), Matteo JWHJ 0715, is cited as being a crucial member of “Fuori!” (Out!), a crucial homosexual liberation group in Italy at the time. Despite his brief marriage to Rita Lozionne, he was shunned by his family for his involvement in Fuori! as well as his relationships with men. Among these relationships included his affair with married producer, Domenico Procacci, during the filming of Goncharov.

Much of the documentation surrounding Goncharov’s family suggests that they were intensely Catholic, which makes sense given the time frame. This intense Catholicism is also said to have played a role in Matteo’s rejection by his family (Galaxygolfergirl).

It is easy to see how these experiences with Catholicism influenced his work.

Despite Katya’s discomfort with being forced to conform, Goncharov still fights to be in a relationship with her. Katya does not really seem to want either of the men fighting for her affection. She wants independence. But she is the expected choice. In the same way that she is trapped in her domestic role, Goncharov also seems to be trapped with her. Neither are happy, yet they struggle to be in a relationship anyway. Her pure, almost holy characterization leaves her unable to experience and enjoy life, while his desire to chase her purity and perfection leaves him empty. After all, “Non c'è nient'altro che possiamo fare”.

It is hard not to draw parallels to Matteo’s experiences being trapped in Christianity, before he ultimately escaped the constricted life predetermined by his family. Both Matteo and Goncharov were trapped in others’ expectations.

While it is implied that Goncharov would be happier with Andrey, especially in the previously mentioned scene, they ultimately maintain a level of distance. They are not allowed to be together the way that they could be with Katya. Even Goncharov’s cross necklace seems to burn. It seems to be holding him back.

In a deleted scene, Goncharov and Andrey have an argument. At this moment, Goncharov has accepted his death. He knows that no matter how much he struggles, the outcome will be the same. He recognizes himself as trapped in a narrative. He has been written into a role that can only lead to suffering, and he knows it. He will never have what he wants. He will never have Andrey or freedom. He wants to give up and let himself die.

In this argument, Andrey is upset. He does not want Goncharov to give up. He refuses to acknowledge that he has no control over the end of his story. He does not want to submit to fate or inevitability. “I want to live, Goncharov,” he says (Goncharov Script, Deleted Scene). The plea is desperate. While Goncharov is willing to submit to the sorrow of the genre and conform to a heteronormative world that can only offer him pain and death, Andrey demands to break free.

Although neither Andrey nor Goncharov ultimately escapes their fate, this contrast is deeply reminiscent of the moment with the bread. When they both reach for the bread at the same time, Andrey is the one who is willing to let go. Andrey is willing to do whatever it takes to escape the pain that he knows will come with this narrative. He sees something in Goncharov that will allow him to escape. He loves Goncharov in a way he is unable to love even Katya.

Despite everything, Andrey wants to live. He has hope, when Goncharov does not. This is because he is willing to try to break free, while Goncharov is unable and unwilling to escape his heteronormative constraints. Instead, he loses his sense of self and his will to live in his attempts to conform. This film is an act of “unbecoming” (Larson).

At the end of the film, Goncharov has to face the inevitable nature of fate. He is said to be like “a goldfish trapped in a bowl” (Smithens). His needs are provided for, and he should be happy. But he cannot be happy because he is trapped. Without freedom, there can be no joy.

Because of the time period, Matteo was not allowed to be as open about his sexuality as he wanted. He was stuck. Still, by joining the Italian homosexual liberation movements of the time, he was able to break free of this goldfish bowl, at least a little. Goncharov does not get to do this.

Goncharov is what Matteo would be, if he was not able to break free. That sadness and sense of inevitability comes from a deep sense of introspection. That is what makes Goncharov (film) hold up after all of these years. That is what makes it still hold power.

Sources:

Bedard, Mike. “Video: The Macguffin Explained - Hitchcock v. Lucas and More.” StudioBinder, 26 Sept. 2022, https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/what-is-a-macguffin-definition/.

Galaxygolfergirl. “What We Know about Goncharov’s Mysterious Director, Matteo JWHJ 0715 and His Tragic, Yet Fascinating Life.” Https://At.tumblr.com/Galaxygolfergirl/What-We-Know-about-Goncharovs-Mysterious/psbhv3073wh3, 21 Nov. 2022.

“Goncharov Script, Deleted Scene.” Rabdoidal, 1973, https://at.tumblr.com/rabdoidal/i-cant-believe-ive-seen-all-this-queer-discourse/dt2f08r715z1. Accessed 22 Nov. 2022.

Larson, Norma, and Houseofthelabyrinth. Family Ties: Essays on the Mafia in Film. 1993, https://www.tumblr.com/houseofthelabyrinth/701414296931958784/obsessed-with-this-quote-by-norma-larson-in-famil.

Poster for the film Goncharov. Beelzeebub, 21 Nov. 2022, https://beelzeebub.tumblr.com/post/701284869475614720/goncharov-1973-dir-martin-scorsese-the

Procacci, Domenico, and Matteo JWHJ 0715. Goncharov, 21 Jan. 1973.

Radulovic, Petrana. “'Martin Scorsese's Lost Film' Goncharov (1973), Explained.” Polygon, Polygon, 21 Nov. 2022, https://www.polygon.com/23471749/goncharov-1973-explained-tumblr-meme.

Roseandblossom, and Smallestkyle. “Scorsese's Catholic Upbringing (Review and Analysis).” 21 Nov. 2022, https://at.tumblr.com/smallestkyle/adding-to-this-op-but-its-very-interesting-at/46rgbz2ith7u.

Roseandblossom, Galaxychowder, and Wirttheloverboy. “Scorsese's Catholic Upbringing (Review and Analysis Part II).” 21 Nov. 2022, https://at.tumblr.com/roseandblossom/ok-but-also-katya-and-sofia-as-the-madonna-and-the/1kml6idnieu6.

Smithens. “Goncharov (Film).” Wikipedia - Archive of Our Own, 2 Nov. 2022, https://archiveofourown.org/works/43176840/chapters/108517230. Accessed at 19:58.

[canary-prince]

Jay tell me more about Julian the Priest

Okay, so--

Like I said, Julian the Priest is one of like...SIX characters that are allegedly trapped in the 9 hour director's cut. In the late 2000s my dad found a YouTube channel that had a bunch of these characters' scenes illegally uploaded. The ones I've seen since the channel got banned (my dad ripped some of them onto DvDs cuz he figured that might happen) are the ones pertaining to Father Julian Rose, Mr. Clark, and Lily Black. (Not ALL their scenes, obviously, but, you know, some important ones).

As you can guess from the names, these character mostly deal with the COMPLETELY DELETED "New York" facet of the story, where one of the mob's American branches is facing hardship due to the chaos in Moscow. Julian is the only non-Moscow character that Katya interacts with AT ALL. They share several long distance phone calls in which he takes her confessions. He's an incredibly angry and hollowed out man, but he exhibits a lot of patience with her (there's some hints that he's her bastard brother; if true, this confirms that her father did cheat on her mother). Edit: this shit never made sense to me but like, in the final cut, the shit with her dad barely matters we literally only really know it was supposed to a big deal is cuz of the unearthed early scripts. So idk why I'm even bringing it up, Julian exists even less than this subplot lol.

He takes a lot of mobster confessions; it appears to be the bulk of his scenes, and forms the heart of his "Faith is a poison" speech. It goes on for over 8 minutes, but essentially boils down to this: Christian faith rots away at human morality by convincing them of two lies. One, that they are special and unique and therefore beloved by the Almighty God and Two, that to apologize and repent is to erase the harm you caused. (Yes this character got an 8 minute speech. It's certainly something.)

Multiple times he urges Katya to leave Goncharov and to "chase true happiness" (yes, this could contribute to the lesbian subtext, because Katya is looking at the bracelet she stole from Sofia as he says it) but never gets angry at her for failing to do so, which I cannot STRESS how odd that is for the character??? He yells at people a lot, even when hearing their confessions, he's a terrible priest.

His other main connection to the "Moscow" plot is via Icepick Joe: yeah, plot twist, Julian ratted on Joe's brother, and most likely did it on the Don's direct orders (the extent to which Julian works for these people is not spelled out super clearly but he obviously DOES). Icepick Joe does speak to Julian over the phone exactly once, and Julian rather harshly taunts him about his numerous failures. He again invokes God, calling Joe a "forsaken and broken thing".

His actor was Richard Talmei, and at the time of filming, he was 55 years old and had been acting for 36 years. Commercials, local live theater, radio dramas, and a few failed TV pilots. Goncharov was his first (and ultimately, only) film. He'd lived a REALLY hard life. A meth addiction, a childhood spent homeless in a dangerous part of Chicago, a serious eating disorder: if that sounds vaguely familiar, it might because you read his post-humously released memoir Dirty Mask, which directly inspired David Sedaris.

During the 1971 April reshoots, which were done to deal with the "missing footage" issue, he had a severe aneurysm on set and collapsed. He was dead before the ambulance arrived and I'm 99% sure that the reason his subplot was removed was because of how traumatic Richard's death was for the rest of the cast.

"Wait, are you saying the entire new York subplot was cut because a guy died during reshoots?" Um. Look. The new York shit was likely not going to make it to the final cut. But every character being completely removed, even the guy who has a direct tie to Katya? Uh yeah. That's not just me. That's Carla Samsota, the (until recently uncredited) script doctor for the rework involved on cutting out New York and the weird counterfeiting side story stated in a 2019 interview with some weird artsy paper that she was only ever given vague reasons as to why Julian had to go entirely and tried to keep Lily Black in too, and she said that "people" got agitated and defensive when she brought up Richard or his character.

So yeah the movie's run time got cut down by a whooping 3 hours because a very cool guy died mid production and everyone was so devastated they couldn't look at his recorded face anymore.

[frodispatch]

Outside, For Just A Moment (2022, digital)

"Katya, Katya Goncharov."

"Gonacharov? That’s a big name around here. A big name, if you mind me saying, in the wrong places."

"Your makeup is smudged Katya. No, please, let me get it."

Am I putting more effort into fan art for a film that came out in 1973 than I am for my actual portfolio pieces? Yes. Am I proud if it? Yes, because I love this movie, and I’m so happy that it’s built quite a fandom recently. It seems like no one knows it exists and yet, Tumblr finds a way to create fandom.

But like… The way Sophia touches her face in this scene. Katya's makeup is always so cakey, making her face almost powdery. She’s so malleable, so dusted over. You could almost wipe her face away. After she takes the pills, if you notice, she almost starts to glisten. It’s sweat from tension, yes, but you know she's freeing herself in a way. So much was in her mind, and then Goncharov's blood sticks like makeup once again. It’s too cakey. It shows that the "makeup" was his influence all along, and yet, in this earlier market scene Sofia can wipe it away. Really only noticeable on a rewatch because you know that soon the smudged lipstick will be blood. I’ve watched this movie so many times now but it always gives me chills.

The colors in the marketplace in this scene contrasted the boat scene so well. I love the little hints of green that come out through the oranges and reds. Also, the lighting on Katya's face matches when she looks in the mirror before she takes the pills. Such well done drama.

It’s kind of scary how much I’ve fallen in love with Katya's character. I seem to love unreliable narrators haha. It’s too bad we don’t see enough of her and Andrey's interactions. Those few scenes we have are some of my favorites in the whole film. Goncharov truly has both of them caught but in different ways. I don’t do a lot of digital art so this looked like a potato half of the process and I did not want to make the hair look decent, which is why I'm not posting the full face, but I actually really like how it turned out. I love seeing this film have a resurgence on here. the art I’ve seen is absolutely incredible. In the words of Katya herself: “use the time as you have it, for you never know when the clock might just… stop" you all have been using it well. Keep making magic through your works.