#the eternal longing of any lesbian experience

[and-im-yours-to-lose]

oh you think you know pain? imagine loving someone who loves you, now image being in love with them and them being quite literally unable to love you in that same way but they love you, they love you so much, what else can you ask? how dare you want something different when everything is so perfect. It's even perfect for you but you know it's inevitable that at one point it won't be enough. you are a person with needs and that'll be your biggest tragedy, at one point it won't be enough, love won't be enough for you. your greedy feelings will destroy the most beautiful thing you've ever had and you'll hurt the person who loves you, loves you so much, just because it isn't enough for you. you sit there, loving them, letting them love you in the meantime, you sit there only allowing yourself to dream about them in your wildest dreams, allowing yourself to imagine that maybe, just maybe someday they'll see you differently, that maybe, just maybe they'll love you in the way you need them to love you, but you know, deep down you know they can't. you know they'll inevitably lose you and you'll lose them. you know and there's a certain guilt when you two plan your future together, and you want that but not quite in the same way and you know you'll break their heart and you keep trying to break yours instead, maybe love should be enough, maybe being unsatisfied is not that bad if you still can have them, but it's not fair for either of you and you know it. sometimes you hope, just hope that those feelings will go away, you don't rip off the bandaid because maybe you don't need to, maybe those feelings will eventually go away. maybe you can love them in the same way they love you, and if you can't maybe you'll learn that living unsatisfied and perpetually heartbroken is better than to break their heart, better than a life without them...

[theyanderespecialist]

(Updated) Base Yandere Lady Dimitrescu Headcanons: Dommy Mommy

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! Happy Mother's Day, here is an updated headcanons video of Lady Dimitrescu! Let's do this! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter here!]

(Disclaimer: Lady Dimitrescu is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!!!)

-(Updated) Base Yandere Headcanons With Lady Dimitrescu From Resident Evil Village-

.She is a strong woman who is full of grace and power.

.When she met you, a human of the village, she fell madly in love with you.

.Compared to her, you were a simple villager, who was brought to work in her castle.

.She was stunned by your beauty and she wanted you to be the love of her life.

.So she told her daughters NOT to harm you, and to keep you safe and sound.

.She would be very protective of you, and have a thing for keeping you pure.

.So you would not be allowed to taint yourself with anyone else, especially vial men.

.If you are male you are the one exception to her view on men.

.She is canon is a lesbian and is a man-hater, so if you are male or male presenting she would very much see you as her toy and as her pet.

.But if you are a female or female-presenting you are going to be her wife.

.Either way, you will be a co-parent to her three daughters.

.She will also make you immortal in a way like her, it will take time, but she will get it done and she will keep you by her side at all times~

.She is possessive of you very much so, especially when men try and steal you from her. Women are just as bad but with her mostly man-hating side, she does not want ANY OF THEM NEAR YOU!!!

.She sees you as her precious love and she wants to keep you with her.

.She also would get mother Miranda to let her keep you as her partner.

.That way no one will be allowed to take you away.

.She would also worry about you running away or being stolen from her.

.So she will have a rule that you are not allowed to leave her castle.

.It is for your safety just as much as it is for her to keep you.

.Because if you leave you are at the risk of the other lords, and monsters.

.She is not going to lose you in any way, shape, or form.

.She will tie you down and keep you locked away in her castle if she has to.

.Since she wants you to be a part of your family, she will respect you on some level as well.

.She would also treasure you as one of her most precious things.

.You and her daughters are the most important things to her and she values you so much.

.She would have confessed to you, once she had the chance to, offering you a life where she takes care of you and gives you everything you desire as long as you promise to stay by her side and be hers.

.If you say yes, she will treat you like the most precious thing in the world to her, and you will spend the rest of eternity by her side in comfort (Except for when she forces you to become immortal like her and experiment on you obviously)

.If you say no, well you will be thrown in the dungeon until she turns you immortal and then you will be locked in a room that is just like a gilded cage.

.You are her sweet little pet and she is not going to let you go.

.Once you learn to behave you will earn back privileges and she will take you out more.

.But act up and she will lock you away again.

.She does not care if she has to break your spirit, you will learn to behave and you will love her soon enough. She is certain of it.

.She deals with rivals by killing them and draining them of their blood, to make blood soup for you and wine for you.

.She promises you will love it, she will make sure of it.

.She has a lot of dommy mommy energy.

.You will do as she says or she will punish you, she will also grab you a lot by the throat, feeling your pulse under her hand makes her feel so powerful and like she is in complete control of you.

.She of course will adore you and treat you well when you behave, so be a good darling for her won't you~

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MY SEXY MUFFINS!!!!

[wouldlesbianismsaveher]

Greetings, fellow women lovers!

Do you ever look at a woman in a relationship with a man and think "damn. that guy treats her awfully. she would have been much better off if she dated me another woman instead."?

I do. Often in fact. Here, we ask the eternal question: would lesbianism save her?

Submit your blorbos here, and have the internet judge their fate!

Plus, have a look at the spreadsheet to see who's already been submitted!

Rules:

One character per submission

if you include spoilers in your propaganda, please say so so i can mark it accordingly

No real people

No harry potter characters

Justification/propaganda is not necessary, but it is preferred

Be civil! any bigotry or harassment will result in a block

Queue is currently set at 1 post a day. Characters will be posted in order of submission.

FAQ under the cut!

Can we submit characters that are canonically bisexual?

Please don’t! Read this post for more information :D

What if the character is from a non-visual media? (a book, podcast, etc)

Don’t worry about it! Just mention that there aren’t any pictures of them, and I’ll find a book/podcast cover to use as the image. If you have a preference on which I use, just link it like you would a character photo.

can we submit fanart for the character photo?

You can use fanart, however you have to have permission from the artist. If any artists find their art on this blog when it shouldn't be, let me know and I will remove it immediately.

How long does it take for characters to be posted?

The queue currently has about two weeks’ worth of characters. Generally, expect about 1-3 weeks between submission and posting. If you want to be notified when it goes live, add your username into the form and I’ll tag you!

How can I contact you if I have any questions about/ suggestions for the blog?

My asks are open! I don’t bite, I promise, and I’m more than willing to change things up if needed :D

What if the character is from multiple medias?

List the one you want in the post title OR the overall name of the media in the “source media” section, and then list anything that you also want tagged in the “additional information" section. For example, if you wanted to submit Superhero Lady, you might put “Marvel Cinematic Universe” in the source media and then “Superhero Lady Is Cool, The Movie", "Superhero Lady Returns", "Superhero Lady: Avengers” in the additional information section. Please be clear with where the character is from, as I don’t know 90% of these characters.

What else is the “additional information” section for?

Anything you want to let me know, really. If your propaganda contains spoilers, then you can say so here. Tags you want added or other names for the source media can also be added, as stated above. Additionally, by default I refer to all characters as “she”, so if you want me to use another pronoun, you can let me know here.

What do you count as spoilers?

Any information about the plot of a media that has been out for a month or less at the time of submission, and any major plot information/ plot twists/ reveals that may significantly impact somebodies experience of any media, regardless of the release date of the media. This does not apply if you are submitting characters from classical literature.

Brought to you by Mod M (they/she). If I ever do something stupid and/ or incompetent, let me know so I can fix it. My only qualification for running this blog is that I'm currently winning lesbianism.

Inspired by blogs such as:

@couldtransitionhavesavedthem @couldaromanticismsavethem @couldpolyamorysavethem @couldtransitionsaveher @couldfatnesshavesavedthem @is-your-blorbo-neurodivergent @aretheyqueer

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@ckhalloween23

Here is my submission for the Week 2 prompt "Witches"--a preview from a new fic I'm working, Flower of Lemon and Feather of Shrike! I decided to do a deep dive into Yasmine's drastically OOC Season 4 behavior, and explore a scenario where its origin is...a bit more sinister than poor writing or repressed lesbianism aknskfnhdrf

This one isn't just for the YasMoon girlies, but in fact for all the girlies who thought Yasmine Nolastname was big boi screwed over in S4, and deserved better!!! Even the foulest of bitchy bullies don't deserve to be reduced to a trophy girlfriend and a prop for a male character's storyline, especially when said male character is a pretty garbage boyfriend when it comes right down to it </3 (More on that later!!!)

This one is also for the MoonPiper girlies, because god, were we fucked over too D: Also actually (mostly) canon compliant, except H*wkM**n never ever get back together and stay broken up forever and always amen peace and love on planet earth <3 <3 <3 <3

There's no world where I will acknowledge this stupid ship got undeadified like a horrendous, nonsensical, chemistry-devoid zombie when it had long since run its narrative course and played its role in both Eli and Moon's arcs can you tell awehakureyigsrf

This is Moon's POV and Yasmine and Moon-centric, but I left the shippier parts ambiguous since I wanted to make something that my non-shipper friends can enjoy too ^^; There are feelings on Moon's side but as far as I'm concerned that's basically canon lmao like did you SEE that girl in S4??? She was so thirsty for Blondie that I'm genuinely shocked the showrunners didn't tell Hannah Kepple to stop kanhdskufhd Definitely tried to leave Yasmine's feelings more up in the air, though! Interpret her however you like ^^

Fic preview under the cut! As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request!

***

The phone line cuts off, and Yasmine’s name disappears from the screen.

Moon curls into her pillow, erupting in ragged sobs. She can’t remember the last time she’s felt this helpless.

This entirely consumed by pure, raw emotion.

Her mind is a whirlpool, everything Yasmine spat at her twisting around and around and around. None of it seems real.

Because Moon can’t wrap around her head around meaning nothing to Yasmine. She can’t make sense of a world where she was only a pawn—someone for the repressed queen bee to “experiment” with. Someone to cater to Yasmine’s whims and fulfill her every desire and ask nothing in return.

Yasmine was everything to Moon. Moon was nothing to Yasmine. And how did that make any fucking sense?

Moon’s hands knot into the covers, a scream ripping from her throat. Somewhere amid the blinding torrent of heartbreak and rage, she finds herself tearing incense sticks from her drawers and lighting candles with shaking hands.

She always swore to herself she’d never touch the rear section of her spellbook, pages marked with a black tab. But if Yasmine can’t keep her promises, why should Moon?

Her chest burns as she recites the incantation.

“By flower of lemon and feather of shrike I bid you know what this pain is like”

*

“Maybe we could meet in the middle? Like a…sexual Venn diagram?”

Yasmine’s face twists in disgust. Moon only rolls her eyes.

She would tell Demetri to stop being a creep, but she knows he doesn’t mean it. Just playing the part he thinks he should after girls have started noticing him.

And Moon knows what it’s like to hide your authentic self to better fit a mold. She’s eternally thankful Piper taught her better.

“So what’s under the blanket?” she prompts.

As Demetri begins his demonstration, Yasmine’s expression shifts. “Not bad. My parents might not have to pay for an A this time.”

Moon can’t help feeling a bit surprised.

So Yasmine’s taking the “be a little nicer” advice to heart, at least. A hint of gratitude toward anyone is a first.

And then the soccer ball comes.

Her panic strips away her new cordiality. Moon knows exactly where her friend’s mind goes.

She’s about to be the “dumb blonde” again—the vapid, useless pretty girl who always has to bribe her way to a pass. And it makes her feel so disgustingly helpless.

“Do you have another one?” A last-ditch attempt to save her grade without her family’s intervention.

As she watches the altercation play out, Moon could slice the tension between Hawk and Demetri with a knife. She’s never quite fancied herself an empath, but there’s something hauntingly familiar about the way Demetri’s entire body is trembling.

She sees herself, hunched up and bawling her eyes out. She sees the overpowering grief that tore free a side Moon didn’t even know she had.

Thank the gods nothing came of that episode.

When Sam arrives, Moon gives her a pleading look. Off she goes to rescue their big-mouthed friend, prepared to cut into Hawk with all the steel Moon could never quite work up.

“Are we gonna fail?”

The whisper in Moon’s ear is so lost. So broken.

Yasmine’s always been a mess. Moon supposes she should be flattered she’s one of the only people who’s ever gotten to see it.

“No.” She sighs. “Demetri’s smart. He’ll figure something out.”

*

“You’ll never guess what I saw yesterday.”

Sam leans over at the start of history class, smirk dancing across her lips.

“What?”

“Yasmine and Demetri are a thing.”

Moon knits her brow, confused.

“What’re you talking about?”

Sam sniggers. “I turned a corner in the hall and saw them making out, clear as day.”

Despite her best efforts, she can’t hide her alarm.

“Oh my god. Does she know he’s…?”

Demetri’s passes at Yasmine weren’t exactly genuine. Moon always thought Yas would be more intuitive about that sort of thing, especially considering the way she talked about Demetri when he first started hanging out with them.

“He’s what?”

“Um…never mind.”

It wasn’t Moon’s place to divulge Demetri’s business, especially when he hadn’t even figured it out himself. Or…didn’t want to admit certain things to himself, at least.

“Yasmine was pissed when Miguel and I caught them,” Sam goes on. “It was so funny. She insisted she’d never go out with him, but…you know. Unless you slipped me some LSD at lunch and I’m hallucinating, I have my doubts.”

She laughs again, clearly tickled pink by the whole thing. Moon only frowns.

“I’m so confused. All she’s ever done is complain about him.”

Her friend shrugs. “Denial’s not just a river in Egypt, I guess.”

“No, like. She thinks basically every single one of his interests is annoying. And she told me once that listening to him talk is like when you hit your brakes too fast and your whole car screeches.”

“Well, you know Yas. She thinks she’ll combust if she says something nice about anyone.”

“Right, but…” Moon narrows her eyes. “She’s picky as hell when it comes to dating. I, um…I would know. And Demetri’s the furthest possible thing from her type.”

“Opposites attract?”

“Not like that. I saw him try to explain basic particle physics to her one time and she nearly went to sleep. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.”

“Maybe it’s just a physical thing. We both know how crazy hormones can be, right?”

Moon hopes for Yasmine’s sake that Sam is right. Otherwise…

Well, there’s probably no need to entertain that possibility.

*

“I love it when you talk nerdy.”

Moon’s so caught up in Yasmine’s sweeping, graceful movements that it takes a moment for the statement to sink in.

She always smiles when she watches her best friend. She can’t help it. Yasmine moves like a mountain waterfall—majestic and larger than life, all while flowing so seamlessly.

It isn’t until Yasmine lets Demetri pull her in, giggling like an elementary schooler, that Moon’s smile falls.

No, you don’t.

Because Moon knows Yasmine, and she knows she has a hatred for “nerd shit” that could rival Hawk at his worst.

She despises anything that makes her feel small. Unimportant. Insignificant.

Moon remembers the look on Yasmine’s face when Sam leaned away from their popular table, exchanging easy chemistry banter with Aisha. She remembers the dejected pout when lunchroom conversations turned to AP homework, Sam and Demetri so engrossed in what Yasmine called “stupid school garbage” that they forgot the blonde girl was even there.

Because as much as Yasmine makes out like she couldn’t care less about anything, she doesn’t like to be reminded that she isn’t book smart. That the math and science that come naturally to Sam and Aisha and Demetri and even Hawk don’t make a lick of sense to her.

Sure, Demetri’s knowledge was useful when it got Yas a good grade. But on its own?

It only reminds her how inadequate she feels. How inadequate Moon knows she’s always felt.

And it was good, in a way, that Aisha tearing Yasmine’s popularity asunder showed her that the world didn’t revolve around her. But Moon senses the deep hurt Yasmine still carries, seeing glimpses of the worlds she’ll never know how to be part of.

So when Yasmine says she loves Demetri’s “nerdspeak,” lust and desire rolling off her in waves, it feels like she was the victim of some Freaky Friday body swap.

People change. Of course they do.

But not like this. Not enough to forget their very sense of self.

“Save me a seat at lunch? Specifically…this one?”

The smack of Yasmine’s hand hitting Demetri’s asscheek reverberates through the hall. Moon has to laugh at the sheer absurdity.

Yasmine hasn’t lost her fire in some ways, at least.

And Demetri doesn’t seem to mind. Perhaps Moon’s assumption was wrong.

She and Yasmine head off to class, her friend fawning nonstop over her geeky boyfriend. Moon smiles and nods along, pushing down the unease swimming in her chest.

Moon picks up a whiff of Yasmine’s perfume, and realizes that it’s lemonflower.

*

Dragging Yasmine away from Demetri at the prom is like trying to bathe a cat.

Moon finally gets her alone after a few songs, suggesting they grab some punch for Demetri and the others. Yasmine eagerly agrees, her entire being lighting up at the thought of doing her boyfriend even a miniscule favor.

There’s something unsettling in the way it’s so mind-bogglingly different from the Yasmine of a few months ago, who would rather chug drain cleaner Heather Chandler style than revolve her entire being around the needs of some boy.

Maybe there’s a way to breach the subject without arousing suspicion.

“I can’t believe you flew all the way back from Australia.” Moon forces a laugh as she ladles punch into Yasmine’s cup. “I didn’t know you were that into him.”

“Oh, Moon!” Yasmine giggles, leaning her head on Moon’s shoulder. “I’m in love.”

She tries not to think about how soft Yasmine’s hair feels against her skin.

“And the dress, too!” Moon reminds herself that Yasmine is very happily spoken for. “You really went all out. It’s kind of cute how you’re embracing nerddom for him.”

Odd, but cute. That’s what Moon has to tell herself.

“You think he liked it?” Yasmine leaned back, twirling around. “It’s not too much, right? I don’t want to seem like I’m trying too hard to impress him. I know guys aren’t into that kind of thing.”

Moon has to laugh again.

“Since when do you care what guys like?”

“Since I found one worth caring about, obviously.”

She sighs, a faraway look in her gray-green eyes. Perhaps she really is in love.

It’s just that Moon always imagined love would feel deeper than this.

“I’m sure Demetri loved it,” Moon concedes. “He’s really happy you came back for him. I can tell.”

“Funny, when I first showed up, he and Hawk were huddled off in some corner brooding, like the idiots couldn’t just dance with each other if they wanted. Almost felt bad taking Hawk’s boyfriend away.”

She snickers, and Moon feels strange.

She decides to change the subject.

“It’s crazy. I mean, imagine what you would’ve said a year ago if I told you you’d be smitten with Demetri Alexopoulos at junior prom. I remember when we first started talking again, you must’ve bitched for twenty minutes about that time he hit on you at your birthday party.”

Yasmine’s silent for a moment.

“He was being a creep.” There’s a steely edge to her voice that wasn’t there before. “He says he’s been watching me from across the lunchroom and I’m supposed to be flattered by that?! Like, dude, who even are you? Why are you talking to me?”

Moon raises her eyebrows.

“A couple weeks ago in science you were gushing about how sweet the ‘admirer from afar’ thing was.”

“Did I?”

Yasmine scowls in disgust. Just underneath it, Moon could swear she picks up a streak of panic.

“Yeah! He kept blowing you kisses across the room, and you giggled so loud that Mrs. Elmes yelled at you, remember?”

“Oh, god. That’s embarrassing.”

She says it like it’s some undignified moment caught on camera at a party—tripping and spilling her drink on someone, or the like. An odd way to talk about a behavior she has more often than not these days.

“He’s still such a weirdo.” Moon wonders if she’s imagining the trace of the Old Yasmine’s scorn. “He’s so, like, awkward about it when he puts his hands on me to dance. Like he’s scared my weird girl body is gonna burn him like a hot plate or something. I mean, we’ve been dating for four months!”

Moon’s stomach squirms.

“Probably just doesn’t want to do anything you might not be comfortable with,” she says quickly.

“He could freaking ask.” Yasmine curls her lip. “But I don’t even think it’s that. He’s an uncoordinated mess. He can’t dance for shit, and I have to do all the work.”

“Hey, don’t be mean!” Moon elbows her gently. “All this stuff is new to him. He never had a girlfriend before you.”

“Yeah. And it shows. Half the time I can’t even tell if he’s like…enjoying himself, you know?”

Yasmine grunts, reaching up and itching the side of her head. The strobe lights catch on something falling from her hair.

Her expression abruptly shifts.

“Oh, my poor baby!” she gasps. “We’ve been leaving him hanging over there, haven’t we? I miss him already. Come on, I’m gonna cry if we miss the slow dance.”

And just like that, the disdain is gone. Yasmine bustles off, snatching her punch and sweeping back onto the dance floor.

Moon looks down at the table, and her eyes land on a gray feather.

A tiny thing, from a tiny, fierce little bird. Beak hooked, meant for killing and piercing like a raptor. Loud, screaming, crass. Unrefined. Ready to jump to violence at the slightest provocation, especially when it gave them an excuse to show off.

Everything Yasmine isn’t.

And, ironically, everything Demetri wants.

Moon’s gaze drifts back and forth between the dance floor—where Yasmine and Demetri have resumed their grinding—and the corner where Hawk stands alone. Hawk’s eyes don’t leave his best friend once.

And, every once in a while, Demetri looks back. Yasmine is none the wiser.

Moon stiffens, guilt trickling over her like hot wax before a hair removal. She downs the rest of her punch in one gulp before going outside and calling an Uber.

I’m such a fucking bitch.

Whatever Demetri and Yasmine get up to at the afterparty, she doesn’t want to be around for it.

*

“So how are things with Demetri?”

Moon keeps her tone light as they finish their food court tacos, but she sees the new charm bracelet around Yasmine’s wrist. And she knows damn well what that means.

“He’s so annoying.” Yasmine wastes no time diving into a rant. “He never fucking listens. I try to talk about stuff I care about or that I think is interesting, and he’s always acting distracted or changing the subject or whatever. I was telling him this cool thing I read online about the history of georgette skirts, and he didn’t ask a single follow-up question. I’ll bet the world’s shittiest sponge is better at retaining crap than him.”

“Sheesh.” Moon makes a face. “I’m sorry. Boys are the worst sometimes.”

“And that’s not even all.” Apparently Yasmine wasn’t finished. “Not ten minutes later, he’s rambling on and on about this blaster thing he unlocked in some video game. It was the verbal equivalent of having cement poured directly into my brain. And he has the nerve to call me boring?!”

“He did?” Moon scowls, genuinely peeved. “That’s so rude!”

Perhaps Demetri wasn’t as sweet and thoughtful as he always came across.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Yasmine frowns right back. “So he gets all snippy with me because he’s being a soggy paper towel of a human being and obviously I’m zoning out. He starts quizzing me on all the dumb bullshit he was blathering about, and I finally snap and tell him he’s boring me out of my fucking mind. And then he gives this whole speech about how at least he’s spending his free time learning strategy and problem-solving and hand-eye coordination, and all I’m doing is looking at clothes online.”

They walk over to the trash and throw out their taco wrappers. With both hands free, Yasmine’s free to gesture more fully and furiously.

“Girl, I got so mad that I called him an antisocial freak and told him he was damn lucky I ever gave him a shot. That was probably kind of messed up, but whatever. Sam doesn’t cut him down to size enough, so I have to pick up the slack. Anyways, I was storming out of the restaurant, but he did the following-and-groveling thing. And sure enough, we ended up at Kay again.”

Yasmine looks down at her bracelet-clogged arm, a forlorn expression swimming over her pretty features.

“I don’t know why I keep letting this happen.” She sighs. “It’s like trying to plug up a boat leak with fucking office tape.”

“Why don’t you break up with him?”

“I wish I could!” Moon’s caught off-guard by the genuine despair lacing Yasmine’s words. “I’ve rehearsed the speech a billion times. But…every time I’m around him, it’s like I’m hit with some kind of emotional tidal wave. And suddenly I can’t bear the thought of ending things.”

She looks so lost. So frantic. So helpless.

“I see him and all I can think about is how much I want him,” she goes on. “No room for anything else. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and it freaks me out.”

Once upon a time, Moon might have called that love. She knows better now.

She wants to reach across the table and take Yasmine’s hand. Reassure her that this is what overpowering teenage crushes are like. That of course your mind finds ways to make hormones and attraction centered around one person seem like the be-all end-all of everything. Hell, she remembers feeling that way about Hawk before she came down from the high and realized how incompatible they were.

But Moon doesn’t. She can’t.

“Something’s not right with me, Moon.” Yasmine’s voice is quiet and fragile—a tone Moon hasn’t heard for a long time. “Sometimes, I don’t—I don’t feel like myself. You remember that week you were in Cancun? I went to the mall with Sam and Demetri, and Sam was complimenting the lemon balm perfume I had on, but you know I never wear lemon-scented shit. Like what am I, a cleaning product?!”

Moon laughs, gladly taking Yasmine’s implicit offer to lighten the atmosphere.

That was one thing Moon always appreciated about her. She never passed up an opportunity to use snarky bluntness to make a joke out of something unpleasant.

It’s part of why her and Demetri’s connection hadn’t surprised Moon. At least not initially.

The strange thing was that their bond got as far as it did.

“At first I thought it was because something stuck to me when I walked through the perfume section of Macy’s,” Yasmine goes on. “But we all went through there, and I couldn’t smell any lemon shit on Sam and Demetri. Am I going crazy or what?”

Moon pushes away the sinking feeling in her chest.

“Maybe it’s Sam who’s imagining things.”

“That’s what I thought, too.” Yasmine’s voice grows terse with panic. “But then Demetri starts bragging about how I always wear the lemon perfume when I go out on dates with him. With the air of someone who, like, actually believes what they’re saying. And I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.”

“Like Demetri knows anything about perfumes. He probably got it mixed up with that bergamot one you like.”

Her reassurance doesn’t appear to work.

“Whatever,” Yasmine huffs. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

Moon lets Demetri slip from the conversation, fading into mental oblivion as they leave the food court and head for H&M. Yasmine brightens almost immediately, losing herself gushing over cute pink dresses and fuzzy purple sweaters and champagne-tinted heels. The afternoon passes easily, sliding in and out of changing rooms and twirling and laughing in front of department store mirrors.

For a while, Moon can almost forget the overpowering fear emanating from her closest friend. She can almost forget feeling like the world’s cruelest sociopath.

*

When Moon knocks on the door to 44101 Portico Place for the first time in months, she’s only half expecting an answer.

It’s 5:00 on a Wednesday, so plenty of time for any after-school extracurriculars to finish up. But, of course, showing up anywhere unannounced always has the potential to go disastrously wrong.

Demetri helped her develop a healthy dose of pessimism. She isn’t sure whether to be grateful.

The door opens after only a couple minutes.

“Moonshine? What’s going on?”

Moon offers a strained smile. “Hey, Pipes.”

Piper frowns at her across the threshold, looking more concerned than angry. It makes Moon feel all the guiltier.

“Is everything okay?” Piper asks.

“Sorry to bother you. It’s—it’s about Yasmine. And you’re one of the only people I felt like I could ask.”

She winces at the flash of hurt in Piper’s face. Her ex leans on the doorframe, crossing her arms and cocking an eyebrow.

“Go on,” she says, tone resigned.

“So…” Moon takes a breath. “Remember when you said you couldn’t be with me until I figured my feelings for Yasmine out?”

“Yeah?”

“I…may have done some light spellcasting and accidentally hexed her into falling in love with a gay guy.”

Piper blinks a few times, taking a moment to process everything. Finally she groans, running a hand over her face.

“Jesus Christ, Moon. Come in—I’ll get us both some fucking edibles for this.”

Piper’s living room is exactly how Moon remembers it—cream-colored couches, tasteful wall décor, chic modern fireplace. A goofy, surfboard-shaped coffee table that Piper’s parents had once tried to sell at a yard sale, but little Piper screamed and cried and beat the ground with her fists until they relented to keeping her favorite piece of furniture.

Now, Moon props her sandaled feet up on a bar that runs underneath it. The metal is cold against her skin.

She tries to focus on that. Sensations in the here and now. Things immediate and tangible.

Not the abstract mess she’s caused.

Piper returns after a few minutes, placing a glass of carrot ginger lemonade and a small gummy on a coaster. Moon picks up the gummy, tentatively taking a nibble.

Piper chuckles. “Don’t worry, it’s not that many mils. I don’t want us to be totally baked.”

Moon takes a more generous bite.

“So.” Piper sits next to her and takes a sip of her own concoction—some kind of purplish whey smoothie. “What did you do?”

Moon gathers her thoughts, working through how best to phrase it.

“You remember when we first met?”

“Sure.” Piper smiles thinly. “Our parents dragged us to that dumb gala, and I found you sobbing your eyes out in the bathroom because your ex-best-friend threw you out like you were nothing. And then I went on to find you have a terrible habit of swooning over the world’s most horrendous shitbags.”

She lets out a small laugh. “I guess so, huh?”

Piper rolls her eyes. “I told you. Over and over and over.”

“I know, I know.” Moon sighs, wearily admitting defeat. “About a week before that party, Yasmine and I had a phone call. And she just…cut into me. Said so many awful things. And I get it. I mean, her sweet sixteen got ruined and then as like…icing on the cake, I ditched her for the people she hated. But I don’t think anyone’s ever broken me down like that before.”

Piper tosses a comforting arm around her shoulder. For a moment, they’re back on tile floors under harsh fluorescent lighting, puffing blunts and snickering about fake people.

“I know,” Piper says softly. “And when I found you, you were still pretty shaken from it. I hope I helped.”

Despite herself, Moon leans into her.

“You helped more than you know.”

“Clearly not enough to stop you from going out and doing some sort of supernatural fuckery.”

Moon laughs softly. “That’s the thing, though. I think it was already too late.”

“What do you mean?”

She takes a breath.

“That night, after Yasmine hung up on me…I don’t know. It felt like my whole life shattered. I guess in a moment of weakness, I pulled out my spellbook.”

Piper narrows her eyes. “You said you only ever used that thing to ‘cleanse the house of bad energy’ or whatever. Or give yourself good luck charms on tests. Not—”

“—cursing people, I know,” Moon finishes. “I was so upset that I wasn’t thinking straight. I recited this whole incantation that was supposed to make Yasmine know how it felt to want someone who would never want her back. And, um…I guess the love gods interpreted that as her getting down bad for a guy who doesn’t even like women.”

“Wait. Isn’t that the same guy who did an MTV-style roast of your weird ex that one time?”

Moon sighs wearily. “That’s Demetri all right.”

“I knew it.” Piper pounds her fist into the couch triumphantly. “Of course he’s gay. Straight dudes don’t pull that kind of petty shit.”

“He’s not exactly subtle, is he?”

“Nope.”

It’s Piper’s turn to sigh, eyeing Moon with an almost pitying look.

“Are you sure Yasmine doesn’t genuinely like him, and just has a shit gaydar? Or she’s really deep in denial? I know I’ve pined after my fair share of straight girls.”

Moon shakes her head. “I second-guessed myself for a long while. Thought maybe I was wrong about Demetri. Or maybe Yasmine had changed so much that she really is into the whole geek shtick now. But…”

She takes a long sip of her carrot ginger lemonade, hoping the intense flavor will somehow give her strength.

“She acts like an entirely different person whenever we’re with him. And…not really in a good ‘he makes her want to be better’ type of way. More like she’s forgotten everything she likes and every aspect of her being that isn’t related to her boyfriend.”

Piper stares at an abstract, avant-garde wall painting, deep in thought.

“Maybe she’s, like, stuck in a codependence loop,” she says. “You said she was pretty clingy with you freshman and sophomore year, right?”

“That was different, though. She acted one way alone with me and one way out in public, sure. But it made sense. Whenever we see Demetri, it’s like Yasmine’s being mind-controlled by one of those thirsty freshmen who think Demetri’s the hottest guy in school because he won a karate fight one time. Then as soon as I get Yas alone, she doesn’t seem to remember half of what she said or did. And when I fill her in, she gets super embarrassed. Not that Yas can’t put on a façade if she needs, but…why would she intentionally make an idiot of herself if she’s gonna be mortified an hour later? She’s not impulsive like that.”

Piper shrugs. “Hormones make people act stupid. I did some truly absurd shit the first time I was trying to get chicks to notice me.”

“Hormones don’t make you go into a weird trance that your brain bleaches right after. People only wish that happened.”

“Maybe Yasmine’s lucky enough to have a brain that can bleach on command,” says Piper cheekily. “Or maybe she’s way too proud to admit she’s being dumb over a boy, so she tries to like…will it out of existence through not acknowledging it.”

“It’s not just about the embarrassment, though.” Moon sucks in her breath. “Every time she realizes about the memory gaps, she’s scared. Like she knows something’s wrong with her.”

Piper groans, leaning back against the couch and sprawling her arms across a cushion. “Can we prove she’s not being a diva? Leave it to Yasmine to make a fucking ocean’s worth of fuss about the same teen angst literally everyone deals with.”

Moon winces at the scorn in Piper’s voice.

It really is a shitty move, asking her ex-girlfriend for help with a girl she knows Piper can’t stand. That Piper has a damn good reason to hate. Assuming the worst about Yasmine’s romance troubles is only fair.

But what other choice did Moon have? It’s not like her scientifically-minded friends, with their AP classes and their blocked chakras, would believe her about a magic spell gone awry.

“She starts smelling like the spell components whenever she’s near Demetri,” Moon says flatly. “And a couple of them came out of her hair. It’s not stuff she’d ever wear otherwise.”

Piper sits back up, suddenly fully alert with her arms crossed.

“You could have led with that.”

“I thought the weird, erratic behavior was more important!”

“As if I’d have a hard time believing that girl would have mood swings.” Piper’s grimace falters slightly as she rolls her eyes. “Like. Moonshine, that’s your type.”

“Shut up!”

Moon swats her. Piper chuckles briefly before her expression grows pained again.

She processes everything for a moment, groaning again and putting her face in her hand.

“Christ, girl,” she mumbles. “If this is real…yeah, that’s a pretty big fuckup. I’m not the biggest Yasmine fan, but yeesh.”

“I know.” Moon makes a face. “Trust me, I never meant to mess with her mind like that, but—”

“—you were hurting so much that you did anyway.”

“…more or less. I think, deep down, I didn’t believe anything would happen. It was to make me feel better in the moment.”

“Yeah, I know you.” Piper looks up, offering her a small smile. “I think you’d have an easier time permanently giving up smoothies than intentionally hurting someone.”

“I just feel so awful!” Moon wails, guilt bubbling up and erupting out of her like a volcano. “I know Yasmine hasn’t been the best person, but she should be able to at least choose who she loves. Even if that’s never going to be me.”

“So…did you come here so I could make you feel better?” Piper scrutinizes her. “Because I won’t lie—I’m kind of at a loss right now.”

“I don’t know.” Moon sighs again. “I came here because you’re the only person I trust who I figured would like…entertain this whole thing. Anyone else would call me crazy.”

Because at the end of the day, Piper may be rough-edged and butch and intimidating, but she’s open-minded. She’s willing to hear anyone’s point of view, and tries to embrace every walk of life. And she’s never one to dismiss possibilities outright, no matter how absurd they sound. No matter how “weird” the people saying them are.

It’s part of what initially drew the two of them together. Well…that and acai bowls.

“Right. So you want solutions.”

It’s almost embarrassing how fast Piper deduces it.

“That…that would be great.”

Piper takes a long sip of her health smoothie, slurps echoing around the room.

“Seems like a proximity thing. You said she acts more lucid when she’s away from Demetri, right?”

“Right.”

“So make plans to hang out, get her alone, and snap her out of it.”

Moon bites her lip. “I’m, uh…not sure how.”

“Demetri makes her act like she’s not herself, so…” Piper shrugs. “Remind her who she really is.”

Moon chuckles hollowly.

“That’s the other thing. I don’t entirely dislike the person she’s become thanks to the…Demetri thing. She’s a lot nicer, for one. And less judgmental.”

Piper seems to be holding back laughter.

“So…you want Yasmine to be her true self and get her free will back and all, but you’re worried that when she does…she’ll be someone you and everyone else will personally find less palatable?”

Moon glowers at her. “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad!”

A snicker finally worms its way out.

“Yeah, because it’s an incredibly shady thing to say.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Moon huffs. “Look, isn’t there some way to undo the spell without undoing her growth? Because like…in a weird way, I feel like she has grown as a person since she got magicked into being obsessed with Demetri. Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily, but you’re being awfully picky for someone who doesn’t even know if or how they can reverse their own paranormal fuck-up.”

“I thought you might know of a way to do some kind of partial reversal. Make her stop being crazy about Demetri, but keep some of the good ways she’s changed?”

“Sooooo.” Piper slurps more of her smoothie, expression growing insufferably smug. “Considering that fucking around with the nuance of this already-opaque-sounding spell is an objectively terrible idea…the way I see it, you have two options. You can break the spell and let Yasmine be whoever she wants, even if it’s someone who kind of sucks. Or you can leave her to be this weird enigmatic love curse’s braindead meat puppet for the rest of her days—with the perk that she’s more pleasant to be around. So what’s it gonna be, Moonshine?”

“But surely there’s some way to—”

“Uh-uh.” Piper cuts her off. “Look, I don’t know any more about this stuff than you do, but I doubt we’re talking about a spectrum here. Can’t have your cake and eat it too and all that. Either we lift the curse, or we don’t, so…what do you want to do?”

After a long moment, Moon sighs.

“I want Yasmine to be free.”

“So you need to do what I said. Remind her who she really is.”

“Even if…‘who she really is’ turns out to be mean and self-centered and kind of awful?”

“Eeyup. That’s Yasmine. Take her or leave her.”

“Even if it undoes all her personal growth from the last year?”

“That’s the conundrum, isn’t it?” Piper leans nonchalantly against the back of the couch, arm on the headboard. “We don’t know how much of that was the spell, and how much was the real Yasmine wanting to improve herself. So we gotta let the real Yasmine out and hope for the best, yeah?”

Moon looks down at her lap and smiles, shaking her head. “People won’t be too thrilled to have her back.”

“Then that’s going to be her problem, not yours. If you’re such a bitch that you need magic intervention to make you tolerable, then maybe you deserve to lose all your friends.”

It sounds harsh, but Moon can’t argue.

“Hey, c’mon.” Piper scoots over, playfully nudging Moon’s side. “I know how much you cared about her. That’s why it felt like your world was ending when she cut you off. And why you were still hung up on her while we were together. So there must’ve been something in there you thought was worth fighting for.”

And of course there was.

Because this was Yasmine. The same Yasmine who danced like a dork and smiled with dimples as soon as no one was watching. The same Yasmine who yanked Moon into every single one of her snapchat stories, no matter how mundane. The same Yasmine who didn’t think twice about defending Moon’s honor when she thought Sam was talking shit, and told Sam to get the hell out of Moon’s Benz.

The same Yasmine who talked about her and Moon as a single intertwined unit. Unfathomable to her as something that would ever split, until that fateful night on the beach. The same Yasmine who trusted that wherever one of them went, the other would follow.

Sure, there was plenty about her that was cruel and vindictive and conceited. And she’d spent her time at West Valley High so drunk on her own power that she kept digging herself a deeper and deeper grave, earning the hatred of most of her classmates. Good looks could only got you so far when you leaked poison and bile from every pore in your body.

But who is Moon to decide which traits Yasmine gets to keep, and which are magicked away? Who is Moon to remold Yasmine into a watered-down, docile amalgamation of what had once been her assets, when not so long ago, Moon fell in love with the entire picture?

And now Yasmine’s a hollowed-out shell of a person, all empty smiles and lifeless giggles. A painting cobbled together by some computer program—beautiful and polished and splendid on the surface, but a closer look reveals the details are all off.

A closer look reveals something without a soul, no light behind those sharp gray-green eyes.

“Fuck,” Moon says miserably, head sliding into her hands. “I want my best friend back.”

“So go get her back, then.” Piper nudges her again. “And maybe go easy on the evil curses this time? I don’t know, just a suggestion.”

“Oh, stop.” Moon scoffs, but there’s no real venom in it.

Piper rolls her eyes, although not unfondly.

“I wish I’d known you back then.” She laughs, shaking her head. “I could’ve told you from the jump that fucking with the occult was a bad idea. Yes, even when a girl breaks your heart. Which, in my opinion, is the highest and most profound type of pain.”

“Naturally.”

Moon sighs wearily, smile fading.

“I don’t know if anyone could’ve stopped me, honestly. When she—when she broke what we had, it was like I’d fallen into some rushing river and I could barely keep my head up. And I was headed right for one of those tall waterfalls with sharp rocks at the bottom from adventure movies. For whatever reason, lashing out felt like the only way to get a breath of air.”

Piper hums thoughtfully.

“I will say that this all makes me feel better about how I reacted the first time someone rejected me. I liked this girl Lila in the sixth grade, and when she found out, she called me a fat ugly dyke in front of all her friends. So I filled her locker with sweaty gym clothes.”

Moon wrinkles her nose as Piper cackles. “Ew, Pipes! You’re disgusting!”

“Okay, but I don’t summon Satan to make my crush want to fuck a gay guy senseless.”

“I did not summon Satan—”

“Sorry, Satan’s right-hand man Joe the Sexual Orientation Confuser.”

“Imagine if there were demons that actually did that.” The concept is admittedly intriguing. “They get sent up from the underworld or wherever solely to make cosmically cursed straights fall in love with cosmically cursed gays. And cosmically cursed gays fall in love with cosmically cursed straights.”

“Shit.” Piper grimaces again. “Wonder what I did to piss Joe off.”

“You’ve really liked that many straight girls?” Moon has to giggle.

“You have no idea,” Piper mumbles. “And trust me—your ex wasn’t the first guy to assume I played for the other team.”

“Not sure his heart was in that one. I think he wanted get a rise out of me, honestly. No offense.”

“Oh my god. The sheer irony.”

“He really thought I’d get jealous of my own girlfriend. As if there’s any girl I’d care about my unserious two-month fling hitting on.”

And then they’re both laughing, swaying on the couch and clutching at one another to keep from toppling over.

“Hi, I’m your run-of-the-mill punk poser and I think I get more ass than a proctologist!” Piper grabs the couch arm, attempting to do dramatic poses as she talks. “I know you’re frantic to have me back, even though my only skills are yelling and punching my friends for no reason!”

“Stoooop.” Despite herself, Moon only laughs harder. It’s probably just the edible finally kicking in. “You’re so rude!”

“Like your ex even knows how not to be an inappropriate, boundary-crossing weirdo.”

“He’s getting better!”

“Because he’s finally learning after his 7th attempt that asking a girl you just met to fondle your gelled-up hairdo isn’t going to wield results.”

“He wouldn’t—”

“He totally would, though!”

Moon snickers, shaking her head.

“Fine, yeah. He would.”

As the laughter dies down, Piper’s phone buzzes. She picks it up, frowning as she reads a text on her home screen.

“Hey, I gotta run soon. One of the kids from the dojo is hosting pizza night.”

“Oh, right. How’s that going?”

It’s amusing, really, how easy it is to forget Piper’s in Cobra Kai now. If the dojo’s truly the all-powerful, all-corrupting force Eli claims, then Moon’s ex-girlfriend must be entirely immune. Even if she and Piper haven’t spoken in a while, Moon hasn’t seen any evidence whatsoever of Piper caving to some kind of deeply-buried inner asshole.

Not that it was buried too deep, in Eli’s case.

“It’s fun. Good exercise during the gymnastics off-season.” Piper shrugs. “Some of the people in my class take it way too seriously, though. Like it’s high school karate, not the fucking Cuban missile crisis!”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.” Moon makes a face. “I was…kind of worried for you when I heard you joined. They treat it like a cult.”

“Oh, please.” Piper scoffs. “Like I’d ever buy into those sorts of stupid dramatics. I mean, don’t get me wrong—it can be fun to spar with people who’re so intense about it that they act like their fucking life is on the line. Makes things interesting. But I’m mostly there for the free shit.”

“Really?” Moon cocks an eyebrow. “You always seem so excited on your snapchats.”

“Yeah, like, it’s good energy. Everyone’s super passionate. But it gets to be a little much sometimes, you know? The senseis treat it like this huge life-or-death thing. Like sure, placing in a global tournament would be cool, but it’s not that big a deal? And sometimes I wonder how much my teammates are actually, like, enjoying themselves, and how much they’re stressing over nothing.” Piper purses her lips disdainfully. “Honestly? I’m going to rack up as much free equipment as I can, and then I’m gonna ditch them for Topanga or something. They seem way more chill.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Moon frowns. “I know they can go psycho when someone quits. Look what happened to Hawk.”

“Any of those bitches come at me with a razor and I’ll beat their ass into next week.” Piper rolls her eyes, unfazed.  “And what the hell are the senseis going to do? Call the cops on me for quitting their dojo? They’ll get laughed off the phone.”

“Just…be careful. I don’t want Cobra Kai hurting anyone else I care about.”

Before she can stop herself, she reaches out and squeezes Piper’s hand. The other girl turns and fixes her with a pale green gaze, expression unreadable.

“Okay,” she says quietly, tone turning serious.

Piper’s phone buzzes again, and the moment ends.

“Damn,” she mutters, glancing at her texts. “I forgot I said I’d bring jaeger bombs. I’d better get ready.”

“Oh, sorry.” Moon pulls away, embarrassed. “I don’t mean to take up too much of your time.”

“Don’t worry about it. I hope I could help.”

They stand up, and Piper starts to walk her out. Moon stares at the floor, suddenly feeling anxious again.

She stops right before they reach the front door. “What you said to do with Yasmine…what if it doesn’t work?”

“You better hope it does, because otherwise you’re going to have to consult the dark web or something. And then you’ll have to wade through about 70 sites with the most degenerate porn you’ve ever seen before finding anything useful.”

Moon laughs, tension easing.

“I guess I’ll deal with that when it happens. Or if.”

“Exactly. One thing at a time.”

“Well…I’ll let you go.” Moon offers Piper one last smile, opening the front door. “Have fun at your pizza party, okay?”

She’s halfway onto the porch when Piper catches her wrist, pulling her back.

“Hey, Moonshine…”

She turns. “Yeah?”

“I meant what I said before.” Piper bites her lip, meeting Moon’s eyes nervously. “About, um…if you sort through this whole Yasmine thing, and you ever decide you want to try again…all you have to do is ask.”

The surprise on Moon’s face must throw her for a loop.

“I mean, I’m not saying I’m going to sit on my ass waiting around,” she amends quickly, grip loosening. “I can’t promise I won’t move on. And I’m not, like, some piney mess who’s got nothing better to do than try and ‘win you back’ or whatever. But if you’re ever feeling it, and Yasmine’s not an issue anymore…just ask. The worst I’ll do is say no.”

And before Moon knows what she’s doing, she steps back inside and wraps Piper in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she murmurs into the thick, bushy hair she remembers loving so much. “For helping. You didn’t have to, and I appreciate it.”

“I know.” Slowly but surely, Piper hugs her back. “But someone has to check you before you cause some domino effect that sends half the school into a sexuality crisis.”

***

Some author's notes, in no particular order:

I will literally die on the hill that Demetri is a bad boyfriend. All he's ever done IN CANON has been to objectify and generally be gross with Yasmine??? And the lead up to the whole icky "sexual venn diagram" comment was basically "hey, you should settle for me because I'm popular now and everyone thinks you're a laughingstock <3" Like wow! What a great way to treat the girl you're supposed to be "101% in love with"! And in S4 onwards he doesn't appear to know jack shit ABOUT her and just puts her on this pedestal as his "dream girl" while never actually mentioning anything about her personality.

I'm honestly not surprised that the natural progression of their relationship in S5 was (most likely) Yasmine getting fed up with Demetri not giving any visible shits about who she is as a person, and getting into fights with him the second she starts asserting her own wants and needs outside of him. And of course he gets her shallow jewelry gifts to placate her, which is just further proof he doesn't know her at all--it reads like he just saw on the internet that "girls like jewelry." And it's not like it actually solves anything, considering he's gotten her so many apology gifts that she can "barely lift her arm"! Tbh it pisses me off to not end that people whine and bitch about Demetri being a "bad friend" (which is so easily disproved it's not even funny) and don't make a peep about the gross way he treats his own fucking canon love interest. Please roast my trash son Demetri Alexopoulos for the RIGHT reasons!!!

I really did my damndest to keep Yasmine as canon-compliant as possible here. I do think she and Moon messed around in S1 and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise, but I tried to keep everything we see of her here consistent with how she acts onscreen in seasons 1, 3, and 5. Season 4 is the obvious odd man out, which...needless to say is kinda the point XD But you take S4 out of the mix and accept some weird fluke was going on that was making her act that way, and we get something semi-plausible to work with! Hopefully she comes across as in-character (from what little we see of her!) here.

Also she does not love it when Demetri talks nerdy. Aisha and Sam's S1 salt conversation proves that she is not about it when people talk about nerdy school-related shit that reads like an inside joke she can't get in on (which applies to...most school-related things, considering she's shown to be kind of book dumb). She loves when Demetri gets her good grades, but she doesn't like. Have any inherent interest in school-related "nerdy" things??? And has never been shown to??? "Character development" shouldn't come out of nowhere and involve characters randomly getting into things they have never been shown to be drawn to actually!

I also hope I did an okay job writing Piper here! I wish I could write more MoonPiper, but we get!!! So ANNOYINGLY little of them and of Piper in general??? Like seriously, I went back and rewatched all the Piper scenes in the show, and there's like. Maybe 5 or 6 in THE WHOLE SHOW??? I barely have anything to work with and it is AGGRAVATING because I really love Piper and MoonPiper as a ship!!! And I want to do it justice that isn't just me projecting my own headcanons and theories because I don't know what else to do!!!

I really do think Piper is Not As Invested in Cobra Kai as everyone else though, lmao. Like she is there for shits and giggles, and also free merch. She respects herself too much to become a slave to the "cobra kai for life" bullshit lol

It IS incredibly funny to me that Moon gets more homoerotic scenes with her Super Totally Straight Best Friend than with the girl who was canonically her girlfriend. Like I love both ships, I really do, but when they give Yas and Moon SO many fruity scenes while their boyfriends are also being fruity, what did they EXPECT!!! Of COURSE I'm going to write YasMoon like my life depends on it!!!

Also, Moon saw that nacho nonsense with Hawk and Demetri in S2. She saw Hawk yank Demetri onstage during Valley Fest. She saw Hawk get all snippy about Demetri hitting on girls at the beach. She saw Hawk throw a hissy fit because his boyfriend bestie wouldn't join his evil dojo. She damn well knows they're gay!

And so does Piper ajadhskufbhd these girls weren't born yesterday!

Hoping to get this entire fic up on AO3 sometime in November! :3

[burning-thistles-bt]

Lightningships... isn't it ironic the ArospecAce has the most partners/confirmed crushes/volatile love life? something something yearning for what you can't have

Obviously this isn't Lightningfur's first pride so you guys know the drill here, she's Aromantic-spectrum (disinclined towards romantic feelings but not incapable of feeling them to some capacity, often tilted towards a demiromantic way where she must be close to the cat first, but then she also only feels it sparsely/not strongly/not continuously), Asexual (feels no sexual attraction/lust, strongly sex-repulsed), and Lesbian (only experiences attraction towards feminine-presenting people)!

BT Mild-to-Semi-Major Spoilers Below (depends on how well you theorize)

SilverLightning - ohhh the yearning and the can't-having! First of all, they're besties <3 a tale I've told a hundred times, Lightningfur isn't even aware she has any kind of crush on Silverstream and Silverstream is tragically Straight. And that's completely true - Silverstream holds no romantic feelings for Lightningfur. Her heart never does a little flip for Lightningfur and she never looks at her and thinks "wow, she's kind of pretty..." That being said, Lightningfur is her Fucking Bestie. And, well, okay, actually, that's Lightningfur. You don't mess with Lightningfur's bestie. Lightningfur is a very possessive person who wants everything that's "hers" to stay hers. She's self-centered in that way, but Silverstream is a more "carefree" kind of self-centered. The world resolves around her, and Lightningfur is just another planet in her orbit... She cares a lot about Lightningfur, but it's not until certain events occur that Silverstream begins to realize she's not the world... and that Lightningfur is the only one who ever believed her to be. Who knows, maybe they'll both get their happy ever afterlife...

SedgeLightning - we all know this story too, Sedgecreek is blindly head over heels for Lightningfur for... some reason. Needless to say, the recent killing of Spottedleaf has definitely shaken Sedgecreek, but she still holds out hope because it was "just an accident..." Though, how long that hope will last stands to be seen... Sedgecreek's crush on Lightningfur was not entirely unreciprocated - Lightningfur, at her weakest after Silverstream's death, was certainly yearning for some kind of comfort, even if she would never ever admit it. While it wasn't necessarily a crush to the degree she had on Silverstream or will have on Fury, there was definitely a kind of "give me attention, please love me" to her, even as she said and did the exact opposite. A little "what if...?" perhaps, that Lightningfur never let herself think long about because, ew, Sedgecreek is annoying, and also, she totally definitely doesn't want a mate. Which is/was true, until Silverstream died, and she had an eternal epiphany that she mentally blocked out (because Silverstream was basically hers and now she's alone).

FuriousLightning - FURY AND LIGHTNINGFUR!!! THE SHIP EVER!!!! Ahahahahaha, I'm so obsessed with them. Okay, let's start here: Lightningfur is at the end of her rope. No, actually, the ropes been fucking burned, and she's lost and hopeless and going crazy. And here's Fury, flirting with her. Lightningfur doesn't know what the fuck Fury is doing, but she does know she loves how crazy Fury is. How blood-thirsty she is and how powerful and loud and angry. Fury is the first cat who truly matches her skill and drive, and Lightningfur is already enjoying the company of such a strong murderer (at this point, not in a romantic way, it's just admirance/desire for friendship). Fury, meanwhile, sees Lightningfur's similar bloodlust and lack of fear or cowardship, and is immediately intrigued. Fury is a bit of a compulsive flirter, the kind of girl going to parties just to sleep with people and steal their wallets during the ordeal. Though, the fact that Lightningfur gets confused rather than flustered when she flirts with her is definitely very amusing to Fury. Lightningfur is a curious soul to her, one that Fury is eager to take a closer look at, and when that rope burns, she might just have her opportunity... Lightningfur is desperate for company, something to (guide her) sink her claws into and call her own, and her eyes are opened up to new possibilities she'd always thought ridiculous and pointless as a new dawn starts for her. Anything to feel like she's still in control.

???Lightning - Đ̸̳̙̦͒̊̀̓́͊̂̌́̍̄̓̚͘̕͘Ø̶̡̨͍̤̫͔͔͕̜͈͈̒̉͗̿̌̅̉̉₦̴̠̱̺̰̰̦͙̰͈͙͖̬̗̠̎̅̉̀̈́̈͆͜'̴͓͔͎̪͈̤̳̹͙͔̠̗͆͛̌̂̋̒̒͐̐̐̌́͘̚̚͜ͅ₮̸̫̈̾͒͋ ̸̨̲̱̲̹̪̲̻̦͔̆͗͗̐̃̋͒ͅ₮̴̧͔̫͖̜̰̬̹̰͈͇̜͓͈̮͒̈́̿̂͜Ø̶̧̣̭̭̹̀̔́̋͊͗͑̒̚̚Ʉ̵̧̜̲͇̥̻̌͑̍̐̐̋́̽̈́͐̓̔̈́̕̚͜͠₵̵͔̂̐̃̓Ⱨ̸̧̻͎̺̫̹̝͎̮̦̣͚̰̾̓̑͒̿̆́͛͊̂̒ ̵̲̩͓͉̹̦̮̈́͗͋̀͑͑̀̀̕͠₥̸̘͈̻͕̿̾̿̑͠͝Ɇ̷̨̫̰͇̞͔̖͇̤͙̫̲͉̒̈́̋̊̂̓͌̿̕

CinderLightning - A ship long revealed at this point, Cinders and Lightningfur!!! Oh the spoilers to be had.... If you've caught onto the pattern of the Lightningships, you'll know that they're not all so easily happy and lovey dovey like FireSand or CopperDawn or RavenBarley. No, they're far from it. But I'd like to think this is the closest you'll get to it for Lightningfur, outside of SilverLightning's friendship when Silverstream was alive. At this point in Lightningfur's life, she knows exactly what she wants and she's going to fucking keep it this time---"You're MINE." And Cinders? Cinders is more than fine with it as long, especially after recent events, and she just wants to stay safe and protected and she'll pretend to be a little dumber so it'll stay that way for the both of them. Lightningfur makes a surprisingly good housewife, no? And an even better guard dog.

[myopicry]

blogging! on the blog I made! wow!

so I sort of came out to my mom a bit ago. she's very gossipy (I see where I get it from) and in my rush to talk a bit of shit about the people I know and their incessant dating drama, I did basically admit to being a lesbian as she kept asking if I liked any guys and I really just had to say. uh. no. we've been dancing around these subjects for months now, and I gauged roughly that she wouldn't like disown me or anything. and she didn't! I am good at reading people sometimes wow. buuut she did hit me with the "maybe you haven't found the right man" and "you're young, you can always experiment." had to find the most delicate way to say: well, in a way, I did unwittingly experiment! and the experiment turned out to yield pretty conclusive results that I don't want to experiment anymore! though, she did also say, "well, maybe you should experiment with women first" which is true lmao but it really made me realize how in the environment I was raised, the literal worst thing to be is an exclusively homosexual woman. I could identify as bisexual, as asexual, as "fluid" in my gender and sexuality as possible, and as long it had some slim chance of me "settling down with a man" I think that would literally be more acceptable to my parents than simply being a woman who is only attracted to women and will eternally (until I die) be that. to be utterly uninterested in pursuing men. unfortunate, as that is what I am, and nothing (even when I did try and deny it) can change that.

and I think about how rare it was (if ever!) for me to encounter lesbians where I lived, much less those who came from a similar background as me. basically, no wonder I had a lot of internalized bullshit going on when I was going through the whole coming-of-age thing!

glad my mom is an ally though. not gonna think too much about my dad now lmao. crossing and/or burning that bridge when I get to it.

[sleebyfrogs]

Ah! Thank you, that means so much to me :D

Here, I can walk through it to explain everything (under the cut because dear god this got longer than I anticipated):

他/她/它 - “Tā”, third person pronoun (he/she/it). The first one was gender neutral up until about 1920 when the second became the widely used alternative. While I fully support the sentiment behind it (uplifting women in a male-dominant society) I’m also mourning the loss of its ambiguity. I think that the third one there is pretty exclusively inhuman, or at least it’s safe to assume so, but I could be wrong. “Ta” is also colloquially a way to say “thanks” here in the UK, very casually, which feels appropriate to acknowledge the bare minimum respect of using someone’s preferred pronouns, if you’re going to give thanks at all.

And 1920 really wasn’t that long ago. My great grandfather turned seventeen that year, and would later become quite the… enthusiastic evangelical preacher, embracing a “modern” (westernised) China, but his parents really did practice the millennia-old folk religion that’s now mostly spoken of (at least in English) as merely mythology. There are still plenty of people who do.

人 - “rén”, a person. Any kind.

“Sleep with one eye open, on the page” refers to. That Thing people do where they’re quietly trying to suss out your AGAB - which I understand, I know I’m guilty of it, I know it often does a fair bit to contextualise someone’s experience, but it’s just… rude and presumptuous. In this case it’s by looking for a written form when I’m “sleeping”, apparently unaware, but I’m always aware. I’ve been nonbinary long enough to be eternally on my guard.

“Cut-sleeve” - 断袖, a 2000yo Chinese euphemism for a homosexual man, from this extremely tender historical anecdote. Which is to say that my expression is distinctly queer (at least I’d like it to come off that way… god I wish I could get mistaken for a binary gay boy and not a teenage lesbian). But it’s more complicated than that, and I won’t let my identity or anyone’s understanding of it be collapsed to a single-dimensional archetype. The whole stanza invokes an image of sneaking into a noble’s room at night to assassinate (something about) them - but I am awake, and it will not be that easy.

仙 - “xiān”, a celestial or immortal, bringing an air of divinity to the nonbinary condition. “The strokes that knight [it]” refer to the left half, which is that 人 character from earlier squished over a bit, indicating that the meaning is some kind of person or has something key to do with personhood. They’re the same ones that give that meaning to 他, as opposed to 她, which uses the character for “woman”. The two share the same remaining half, which infers pronunciation.

神 - “shén”, a god or spirit. The left half of the character here can be combined with that right half from the pronouns above to create 祂, a pronoun again pronounced “tā” but this time for a divine being, generally the “Abrahamic”/Christian god (think capital-H He), with the latter of whom I have an extensive history of beef. Much of my artistic writing makes a point to insinuate that I’m an equal, though usually in a tongue-in-cheek or contrarian-by-principle sort of manner (I’m not that far up my own ass, though I think if Christian school trauma hadn’t beaten me into submission I might have been. At least I can admit it). I guess this also calls to the concept of “praying the gay away”, which thankfully I’ve not been subject to, but I would rather gay away the pray. I think I could make that happen. Also the use of “climb” there makes it feel more like an arduous task, like climbing the Tower of Babel to get close enough or climbing Mount Sinai. The second character in 仙 means “mountain”, so they reinforce each other across both languages, and crossing language barriers is the thing in that story that god was so angry/fearful over. Again I defy.

个 - “gè”. All nouns in Chinese languages take measure words (classifiers). Think how we don’t say “five corns”, it’ll be “five ears of corn” or “five kernels of corn”, except it’s every noun. There’s one for people, domesticated animals, other animals, meals, flowers, stick-shaped things, things that you hold by a handle-like end, to name merely a few. They help subdivide and group things, which is very helpful in a language with many, many homophones, because it provides more context. 个 is a default; it’s the most generic, descriptionless classifier, used for things obscure enough not to have a more appropriate one, or for when you don’t know/can’t remember a more definitive one. It implies nothing about grouping, qualities, or association. It also looks like it’s waiting with open arms, at least to me.

“Sugar/mantis/pond” - 糖/螳/塘, all pronounced “táng”.

“Dynasty/ridicule/tide” - 朝/嘲/潮, all pronounced “cháo”.

i ended up liking how gendered french is solely because i can say that i want people to use he/him pronouns for me the same way they use it for angels, blood and blunts

[beautifulmorningstar]

i never read the manga either. but, i did read a few other shoujo manga as a teen. i wasn't all that interested in the romance (with men) content for obvious reasons, but the girls around me liked that sort of thing, and i wanted very badly to understand them.

what i learned was a lot of straight women are all too eager to romanticize their own abuse. romance with way older men, romance with men in positions of power (they're her teacher, or her boss, or an extremely wealthy man that plucked her from an average, or even impoverished, life), men who verbally abuse women (including mc), men who assault them, men who don't take "no" for an answer, men who expect femininity from her, men who admonish her for being a human or individual rather than a servile decoration.

i think it's socialized, but the way that there's so much content out there made by women for women that depicts abusive, misogynistic men as charming, cool, or romantic does make me wonder just who is doing the socializing in this case. it benefits men, either way, so it's still men's fault no matter what, but i notice the most popular romantic material written for women is often written by women...and contains abusive and misogynistic material.

at the very least, the core premise of ohshc contains a couple glaring examples: haruhi is poor, and she got roped into essentially roleplaying "soft prostitution" by boys who were far wealthier than her by leveraging debt (from an accident) against her. sure, the boys are also roleplaying "soft prostitution," but that's also strange in of itself.

this is really long, sorry...😅

Anon you are so spot-on.. Like... I never say it because there's always someone who doesn't want to see it said. But you're totally correct: media by (straight) women is rife with toxic or even sick power dynamics in their relationships. I agree that this is probably a result of socialization (I would go further and say this could be an expression of their understanding of society), because I do know straight women who wholly reject this dynamic - but the ones who do often get the lesbian label wrongfully pushed onto them from dick-centric idiots, who struggle to find relationships that work for them, or have their perspectives ignored by larger society. Meanwhile the women with puddle-level depictions of heterosexuality and other relations between the sexes or within a sex class get platformed for regurgitating the same acceptable idea of male-favored dynamics. Not to mention the recurring phenomenon of actually interesting male characters vs background wallpaper / overly-unrealistic /eternally-suffering female characters that aren't the main self-insert. Why are women writers uninterested in giving their female characters the same level and detail of depth as the male ones?

Not all women-made media is like this, but soooo much of it is. There's an argument to be made about not censoring fictional works, of course - people can imagine whatever they want and enjoy whatever they want. But it would be silly not to acknowledge that a massive part of any popular media is one that supports the domineering ideology of relations between the sexes, and that this continues to socialize and influence each new set of young minds.

I wouldn't include in this, for example, female writers who have their male characters encounter actual growth and development if they started out annoying or misogynistic. But this is not usually the case (at least in my experience). Especially in romance, as you mentioned.

Many things about ohshc actually squicks me out in a way I was willing to overlook for my friends. I believe Kyouya knew from the start that Haruhi was female, and he's essentially the one who saddled her with the task of paying off her debt via the club...... The way they're always forcing her into feminine-coded dress...the whole thing reeks. :I

As lesbians though... Well, we should still throw out the forced feminization and other stupid parts, but at least the dynamics wouldn't be as painfully cringe.

[lupe-jess]

Hi, I would like to ask you for some advice if you don't mind (if you do feel free to ignore this message). So, I'm a girl and recently I think I've been feeling attracted to another girl for the first time. But I find it incredibly hard to tell how she feels about me because we are friends already. She has called me darling and honey and she gives me butterflies, but sometimes takes ages to reply to my messages, which makes me doubt she likes me like that, as I am constantly checking if she has replied (we are both bad texters though). Do you perhaps have any wisdom to impart? I would be eternally grateful💞

Hi! First of all, sorry this took so long. I wasn't ignoring you, i just barely check my notifications here.

Second, I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask. I would love to help you out but my experiences with relationships are not good. My only relationship was a long time ago and it was not a good one and sometimes I feel like I'm still recovering from it.

Also, I'm an introvert who would be terrified to tell someone else how I feel jgjhdjgk

All I can think of to say is don't rush into telling her how you feel. Maybe somehow try and find out if she feels the same? Maybe another friend could do a little subtle fishing??? Also has she ever expressed an interest in girls before?? I don't know, it's a difficult situation because there is also your friendship to think of.

I once had a real big crush on a coworker of mine who I was very close with but I had no idea if she was into girls and I was way too shy to make a move. I kept thinking what are you doing crushing on a straight girl!! So I never told her anything. But then years later I find out that not only is she a lesbian she has also been in a relationship for years!! I don't know where I'm going with this except that it can be very hard to tell how how someone else feels. In my case it wouldn't have mattered anyway because she was already in a relationship.

Sorry I couldn't be more of a help :( I really hope things work out for you ❤️❤️❤️

[quickdeaths]

Even if she wouldn't be doing so completely, undressing in front of someone - to say nothing of sharing a bed - brought back complicated memories. It had only been a few month since Seiko's death, yes, but it felt like an eternity. The same was likely true of Sonia, and she seemingly had no issue with it, so perhaps Shinobu was overthinking it all. Certainly, it wouldn't be the first time. Her hands found the buttons of her collared shirt, then her pants. Before too long, they were in only their white undershirt, and undergarments. Ah, she thought, looking down at herself. Another thing she'd failed to account for - the various scars.

Both arms and legs were marked by signs of violence - a bullet hole here, the slit of a knife there. A complex web of curves and lines spread out across her left forearm and shoulder, where shrapnel had shredded through and taken her off the front lines until one of Seiko's experimental treatments had accelerated the healing process. Sakakura had mentioned that they were signs of survival - that she'd lived on, despite her injuries, and Shinobu supposed there was truth in that. And yet, here, in Sonia's cabin, with the rain pounding against the roof and Sonia making clear how she expected things to go, the archer felt strangely about their body for the first time in a while.

Trying to push those thoughts from her mind, Shinobu dithered over what to do about her jewelry. After a moment's thought, she settled on taking out some of her earrings - the tassled studs at her earlobes, the rings up at the helix - while leaving the skull stud in. "As the most senior lesbian on this island, Miss Nevermind, I should inform you that there's no council deciding whether you are or are not allowed to be one of us." Anzu's necklace was visible for once, a chunky heart-shaped pendant on a silver chain, no longer hidden beneath her collared shirt. Even now, she was reminding Shinobu how lousy her sense of humor was. "And if there were such a council, I'd welcome you regardless. Should you wish it, at least."

No, the necklace would stay as well, the pendant taken and slipped under the collar of her undershirt, so that the cool metal pressed against her chest. Given the night's conversation, and the various thoughts that were swimming through their head, Shinobu wanted them, Anzu and Seiko both, as close as reality allowed. Once her jewelry was put away, though, and her clothing, she sat on the edge of Sonia's bed. Perhaps it was a good thing to see her so forceful and uncompromising about something. Some manner of spiritedness, a willingness not simply to go along with something purely for the sake of another person;s stated desires.

"As you wish, Miss Nevermind. I won't argue with you about it, if you're that insistent." Careful not to interfere with the other woman's meticulous pillow layering, she moved up with one of the excess ones, getting into a comfortable position with a blanket over top of her body. "I do appreciate it, so I hope my hesitation isn't mistaken for a lack of gratitude." Rather, it was the voice at the back of her head - her own, for once, rather than someone else's - that reminded of how the world had once seen people like her. The hesitancy that came from being regarded in such a way wasn't easy to overcome, especially when paired with so many other complicated thoughts.

What cut through them, then, was the unexpectedly cute mental image of Sonia tightly hugging a pillow in her sleep. In this state, they were sure that she wouldn't appreciate anything she did being acknowledged as cute, especially something that seemed - if the color at her cheeks was any indication - to embarrass her. And yet... You're still a person. You can do cute things, and be embarrassed by them. You can have fears and anxieties, and not need to pretend they don't matter. You can, if not today then one day, experience the same joy and happiness to which everyone is entitled. No, how anyone could think Sonia Nevermind a monster was beyond Shinobu's comprehension. She was simply a sad, hurt woman who had been put through far too much.

Reaching out a hand, Shinobu gently helped Sonia with her pillows, even if the idea of sleeping so divided from someone was, to them, odd. "I don't think you'll trouble me, and I've never thought of you as someone from whom I need protecting. Certainly, not in something so harmless as that." Once the small retaining wall was intact, she set about getting herself as comfortable as possible, shifting again through a few different positions and orientations of her own pillow. "I imagine properly restorative sleep is hard to come by for both of us, but regardless, I'll hope you rest well, Miss Nevermind. Goodnight."

Sonia gave Yaguchi a skeptical look. It was relatively new for her: even in the simulation she only second-guessed her peers mostly when she refused to believe they were murderers. Now, she showed skepticism at nearly everything: that they'd be welcomed back into society, that she wouldn't be killed upon stepping foot on Novoselic soil, that she'd eventually return to dreamless sleep that left her well-rested, instead of panic and in search of a bottle. This time, her doubt was cast towards the resiliency of the queer community. Sonia didn't question that pre-tragedy, they'd already endured so much: she did question said community forgiving her and allowing a place in it.

"It is not a community I am allowed to be a part of now anyway," came her definitive reply, picking a stray feather from one of her pillows off of her bedspread. "Nevertheless, I would like to engage with art and media that speaks to and well of the queer community. I feel like I am able to do that much in support, even if I will not have the same amount of political power I might once have had." At least she could relate to being treated as a monster, but in Sonia's case, she truly was one and deserved it.

It wasn't worth dwelling on, anyway: it wasn't as if she had a future of love and romance ahead of her. Instead, it would likely be focused on producing the next heirs to the throne, in whatever method deemed to give the highest chance of results that everyone involved could live with. That was how it had been described by Byakuya Togami during one of their mentoring sessions, an idea that prompted both parties to voice their disgust at the prospect.

In the meantime, she had something more pressing and less nerve wracking to deal with: convincing the woman to take the opposite side of her spacious bed. Even if the clothes were a lost cause. "I do not mind," She replied, nodding to the shirt. "But I certainly have enough clothes and it is not as if I will be able to wear them all. Much of this is meant to be seen, and I will not be leaving home much." Ever, but that was implied as she pulled the covers back on her side of the bed in order to slip beneath them. Now warm, it was a pleasant state in comparison to the booming thunder and the rain that splattered the windows.

Still, Yaguchi continued to protest, prompting Sonia to let out an exasperated sigh. Though if asked, she'd attribute it to the dull ache in her foot as the stitches continued to mend. "Yaguchi," She began, using the firm tone she'd been encouraged to practice. Not that Togami particularly appreciated it, but he stressed that she'd need to be able to hold her ground in Novoselic. And even if she was only a constitutional monarch now, she needed to actually sound like she was in charge and capable of giving orders, no matter how uncomfortable she felt doing so. Not after The Tragedy, and how many lives she'd destroyed. "Get in the bed, please. You will not be sleeping on the floor and you will not trouble me. In fact, I am much more likely to trouble you."

She gestured to the barrier of pillows she was halfway finished completing: two parallel rows on each side of Sonia's body. "I...um, hold things in my sleep," She explained, her cheeks pink. This was, in a way, more uncomfortable to admit than all of her atrocities she'd committed as a Remnant of Despair. She had been brainwashed for those: this habit she'd had even before Junko had sunk her clutches into her. "Firm hugging, I suppose, is the best way to put it. Pillows are the best way to combat me holding onto, well, anyone else in the bed with me. So with these, you should be safe from me, I think." She patted one that would divide her bed in two, that would hopefully keep Yaguchi out of her embrace. She didn't want to and certainly hadn't signed up for that.

"So get in. I will not ask again."

[nerdygaymormon]

Did you see President Nelson's talk to the young adults of the church where he spoke about which labels to use for our identities? What do you think it?

I watched a recording of President Nelson's remarks from Sunday.

The part of the devotional you're referring to is when he said the most important labels we have are:

Child of God

Child of the Covenant

Disciple of Jesus Christ

He spends a lot of time going through other sorts of identifying labels and warns "the adversary rejoices in labels because they divide us and restrict the way we think about ourselves and each other."

He goes on to warn that no abuse or prejudice towards others is justified because of how they choose to identify themselves (such as by their nationality, race, sexual orientation and gender).

He also warns against any label that isn't compatible with the first three labels, which he says are unchanging identities.

————————————————————

Where did "child of the covenant" come from? I can't recall ever hearing that phrase before. Never before was it taught as one of our core, eternal identities.

Being a child of the covenant and being a disciple of Christ are both choices, so I don’t know why he says they are “enduring,” especially when there are other characteristics which are more enduring and difficult/impossible to change

I agree those three labels he put at the top are important to believers, but they also are ways of dividing ourselves and can be impediments to unity

————————————————————

I’m glad he said if we’re being prejudiced to people based on their nationality, race, sexual orientation and gender, then we are not following God.

I hope he really means it and the Church will terminate all such discrimination. Even if he means individuals in their private lives shouldn’t treat others differently or refuse them service, but the church will continue to limit opportunities, that’s still moving a step forward. No marginalizing individuals based on traits they can’t change and are intrinsic to them.

————————————————————

This is much softer than how the church leaders have spoken about labels in the past, which usually included cautions against LGBT labels. This time he didn't specifically caution against LGBT labels, but the language is such that it could be implied.

I want to point out that the Church's mormonandgay website & same-sex attraction website both say it's okay to use the LGBT labels (even though the Church clearly prefers the term "same-sex attraction")

————————————————————

I noticed he used “gender” and not “sex.” There is a difference between the two. Gender is a construct, gender is performative. Consequently I would say gender identity is implied or included with the term “gender.”

————————————————————

There's a certain simplicity and charm in thinking if we could get rid of labels, we are getting rid of the things that divide us and it would help us to be united.

It's an especially compelling idea to those in the large, dominant group. Removing labels is a way of saying everyone is basically like yourself, labels perpetuate or emphasize differences that don't matter much.

It's invalidating to those who differ from the larger population. Our differences are important in how we understand ourselves and should be seen and appreciated.

It reminds me of when a white person says "I don't see race," or "I don't see color,” which is a way of denying the racial identity of others. To say you don't see another person's race is to negate the reality that their race contributes to the experiences they have as they navigate society. It also implies they should deny or get rid of their racial identity and that you don’t want to learn about how racism impacts their life. It denies the current reality and history we live with.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a long history of denying that gay, trans, and queer people exist. Has said people should not use words such as lesbian or bi in describing themselves, and described having same-sex attractions as something to be struggled against. For decades the church was a proponent of reparative therapy, for hiding your sexual orientation & entering mixed-orientation marriages. The Church has a history of fighting against marriage equality and other basic rights. Just this year, a church leader described the rainbow flag and coming out at BYU as divisive and encouraged metaphorical "musket fire" against LGBTQ+ equality.

Given that history, when the president of the church says we shouldn't label ourselves, or that only these 3 labels are important, it can feel like this is yet another assault on LGBTQ+ individuals, another attempt to erase us or diminish us.

————————————————————

Here's the thing, identifying as gay doesn't replace my identity as a child of God. I can be both and I am both. One doesn't negate the other.

You can be a Queer child of God, a queer disciple, and a queer child of the covenant. You can be any and all of these, or none.

————————————————————

It feels like the invitation from the Church is that LGBTQIA people are welcome to come be a part of us...

but don't bring the rainbow flag

and don't use identity labels

and don't tell others about this part of you

and don’t transition

and don’t make us uncomfortable

and you aren't going to the Celestial Kingdom

and you won't be gay or trans when you die

and...

that's not welcoming

[tomatograter]

I was wondering about your take on Lesbian Jane?

I’ve been thinking about her a lot. Jane isn’t inherently a villainous character. She was raised to take on a position of power so it’s not surprising she seek that out in adulthood. But more the that, I think about how she was born in a time when certain things were expected of women. And how she may have internalized the idealism of husband and child due to that. In HS2 it’s clear she doesn’t have any true romantic feeling for Jake. And part of me wonders if she ever really did? Or if her infatuation with Jake English as a person was due to the fact that he was a “attractive boy”. After all, in HS2 she does marry him and they do have a child. Fitting what would have been seen as a perfect family construct in her original timeline. But she openly neglects both in favor of things she actually finds important. I know Gamzee exist. But I still wonder if her performative gender roles and inherent straightness isn’t all one in the same. I.e, BS. 

I’ve always been partial to lesbian Jane. I don’t think ‘gamzee’ is much of an argument against it if you’ve ever been in contact with actual lesbians; there’s women who spend decades of their lives putting work into a straight marriage that doesn’t truly satisfy them beyond the barest needs for companionship, but it is what they’ve been taught to accept and what they believe Everyone Else Feels. The human experience doesn’t work in a tight binary where you automatically know *what* is wrong with you. Sometimes the problem makes you believe it is actually a feature, and that it’s normal, and that you should just muscle through it no matter how shit it feels like. And that’s kind of Jane’s whole thing- Jane has Girlboss disease. 

Like, “yeah, this all sucks, and it makes me feel like garbage, but I have Numbers, and i have Prizes, and I have Accomplishments, and I am a Strong Independent Woman, and that’s what everyone tells me SHOULD make me happy, so I guess this is what happiness feels like.” And she just doesn’t know when to stop. She’ll dig her own grave with a golden shovel if you leave her to it.

I think It’s interesting to note a few things when breaching this subject:

1) Nanna Egbert chose to be a single mom. It’s not that she’s a widow, is that she never pursued marriage. You can make a lot of fail arguments on this one like ‘oh but in the lore nannasprite section we learn that jane and jake had a marriage prophecy or whatever blah blah’ but Beta Jake avoids her for eternity and while Beta Jane found someone to have a son with, she didn’t make it any more than that. Instead, she built a practical jokes and pranks shop and ran it for as long as she was alive, because again, she’s a girlboss. A lot of lipservice about traditionalism on this one and very little actual effort put into fulfilling it.

2) Jane doesn’t actually “love” Jake. She’s infatuated with what he represents, which is a recurring theme in Homestuck. Be it about Terezi and her relationship with Alternian Law, or Dave and his coolguy schtick, or Jake and his flimsy adventure hero persona- characters have “expectations” and these come with a set of rules that must be fulfilled. Sometimes, these self-imposed challenges are more harmful to the character than they’re ever going to beneficial for their growth. It’s effectively like shooting themselves on the foot.

This is actually an ongoing thread during act 6, but not one that I see brought up a lot. Jane projects what she believes are desirable qualities about a man onto Jake, what she’s been taught is the norm and dreamy- but she has negative interest in who he actually is. If anything, Jane finds him tacky, annoying, weird, and unbearably boring. But she thinks she can ‘fix’ him into a model companion if she tries hard enough.

Jane “reinterprets” a lot about Jake as a person to make him more digestible. She does this deliberately, to pad out how little interest he seems to have into the whole thing, and also to depersonalize him enough that she doesn’t have to feel bad about not... actually liking him.

(worthy of note, her “two favorite dames” are married as of catnapped in HS2)

They’re friends, i’m not disputing that, but friendship doesn’t necessarily translate into “compatibility” or “romance”.

“Jake” as a concept in Jane’s glossary is interchangeable with “7th grade 1st place trophy on the national Spelling Bee championship”, and that’s where most of our issues come from. He’s an achievement to be crossed off from a checklist, on the road of becoming an Independent, Successful Businesswoman. At best he’s a status marker, at worst he’s a commodity. Jane didn’t come up with this by herself, though, these ideas are closely linked to HIC’s influence on her life and Jake’s. (It’s not for nothing that Crockertier Jane is the one to be most outspoken about it, or that Epilogues Jane is characterized as a Crockercorp-monster. None of this exists in a vacuum.) These ideals are part of her familial upbringing and corporate brainwashing, the endgoal of them being simulating the Condesce as closely as possible. 

When HIC goes undercover as a Human Woman Of Earth, the figure she picks to represent her is a housewife. The fictional Betty Crocker is the apex of Girlbossery- and how can you be a housewife, in 20′s America, without a husband?

Jane is discouraged from being an “individual” and told what she needs to be is a suitable heiress, and that’s her own tragedy. (She has failed to consider wives can have other wives.)

I have babbled about Jane before, particularly when it comes to her also being trapped by gendered expectations she doesn’t want & being gender-nonconforming (a butch, if you will) here.

[rantingcrocodile]

I’m so tired of following lesbian radfems for months, enjoying their posts, interacting with them, trusting their judgement on issues and thinking they’re generally very rational and insightful, feeling a sense of community with them etc and then they start posting about how much they hate bisexual women out of nowhere. like, the amount of times someone i’ve followed has posted something kinda iffy about bisexuals, i’ve gone on their blog and searched the word bi or bisexual and every. single. post is negative is insane. like, hundreds of posts complaining about bisexuals and nothing positive whatsoever. imagine if that was the other way around, we would get absolutely slaughtered. i swear this happens SO much, like more often than not at this point, and it’s so heartbreaking everytime knowing that they think i don’t belong or that they hate me and think i’m taking up space because of imaginary scenarios they’ve created about bisexual women. I’ve spent years in lgb spaces talking over and over about how great lesbians are and how much i support them and don’t want to intrude on their space and am lucky to be allowed in shared spaces w them etc, and more recently have put so much energy into defending them against ridiculous arguments TRAs make, and i really meant every word but i’m starting to think nothing would ever be enough to be accepted or to make up for the crimes they think other bisexuals have done or whatever and like i really don’t think the majority would do the same for us. and I think I’m realising how much the hostility towards bisexuals has affected me and how i’ve always felt like i should be eternally grateful to lesbians for showing basic respect and not hating me and to the rest of the community for “letting” bisexuals like me in their space. idk if its just me but its like theres always been this unspoken agreement that the community is really for lesbians & gay men and that bisexuals are only here because they allow us to be, not because we are as valid and as important a part of the community in our own right. I joined rablr only a couple months ago thinking i’d finally found a group of women i feel solidarity with whose views i share, but it has been particularly unwelcoming i honestly dk what to do anymore like i can’t deal with the ridiculousness and misogyny of the rest of the community but I can’t with this either . and everytime I mention feeling this way everyone’s first response seems to be the whole “youre not oppressed for being attracted to men or for not feeling like you can talk about opposite sex attraction in lgb spaces!!” thing even tho I never bring that up in the first place as a reason for feeling unwelcome. like, ever!! and that’s always the only thing they think we might be complaining about. and the small handful of times I’ve complained about facing biphobia from lesbians off anonymous i’ve been told off for generalising lesbians but idk how else to even talk about it because even adding “some” before the word lesbian every time you say it is still not enough apparently. it starts to feel like im just not allowed to talk about any negative experiences w them at all. I’m so frustrated. Sorry for the long rant, apologies that this is is not very eloquent & thank you if you take the time to read this & ty for speaking up for bisexuals

Don't ever apologise for ranting, first of all.

The most important thing to remember is that it never matters how badly others treat you, you have to stick to your principles and do the right thing. It wouldn't matter if every single lesbian wanted us all dead, homophobia is still wrong and it's still good to stand against homophobia.

You're absolutely right, though. Whatever good we do will never be enough for biphobes. As far as the LG communities go, we're only "allowed" to be tacked onto the end for half of our bisexual attraction. They're not interested, generally speaking, in us as full people. We're only allowed in their spaces to support them. Because LGB spaces are their spaces, not ours, not really, not when the constant complaint boils down to the biphobia that they believe we somehow "bring in heterosexuality" if we discuss our full bisexuality.

There are a lot of arguments back and forth and denials about why there's so much biphobia in radfem spaces, but I think this short Twitter thread breaks it down perfectly:

The above is exactly what it boils down to: biphobic lesbians believing that they can't be biphobic because they genuinely do believe that bisexuals are automatically infected by men.

That's why there's such thin-ice praise for "febfems," because at least those bisexuals are loudly proclaiming that they're not going to allow themselves to be infected by men.

Biphobic lesbians can deny it until they're blue in the face, but they genuinely believe that they're somehow "purer feminists" because they're incapable of feeling attraction to men.

They believe, down to their bones, that every single woman who isn't a lesbian is a danger that carries male danger somehow.

That's why they praise "febfems" so much, especially the "febfems" who openly hate other bisexuals, because those bisexuals are sharing in their misogynistic "women that are capable of being attracted to men are inferior and infected with innate anti-feminism."

There's a huge biphobic belief that a woman being bisexual means "forever available to be used by men" (the same biphobia that denies bisexual women's agency and ability to consent), so when "febfems" distance themselves from the word "bisexual" by downgrading it to the "b" in "febfem," then that specific biphobia against them can be forgotten about, right while they allow others to keep believing that the rest of us are man-hungry.

It's also why biphobic lesbians get so angry when called out for biphobia and why there's so much, "So you're saying we're oppressing you?!" rubbish, because they view us not as fellow women, but as extensions of men. And the idea of lesbians somehow being bigoted towards male-adoring objects is an anathema to them.

They claim "we want women's liberation," but they don't trust other women. Not just for the reasonable reason of, "As a lesbian, I fear that other women are homophobic," but because they believe that women with the capacity to be attracted to men are always on the cusp of turning their backs on feminism to become tradwives. They see themselves as actual people, free from the taint of men, while the rest of us are weaklings waiting for the next hit of male validation.

They hate straight women of course - unless those straight women loudly proclaim how much they hate men and would never touch another man - but they see straight women as poor shmucks who were born inferior and it's not their fault. Still oppressors for being straight, but they're women, so that isn't their fault.

Ironically, in the first tweet, it says that it would only be biphobic to deny bisexuality is real - but that's what the vast majority of monosexuals (and even plenty of bisexuals with internalised biphobia) already do.

The reason that they hate bisexuals more than straight women is because they really do believe that we don't have actual human feelings, emotions and reactions. They believe that we can "choose" who to love and date, so if we don't loudly proclaim to hate men and never want to touch a man, then we're worse than straight women, because if we aren't performing like that, then to them, that must mean that we're actively "choosing" men. But even if we are seen as "choosing" women, then we're accused of not "really" being attracted to women, that we're "destined to end up with men," that we only ever "use" lesbians, and the thick undercurrent of, "how dare bisexuals date lesbians when there are relatively few lesbians about, you're taking Our Rightful Women."

That's also why there's a denial of biphobia, because the only thing that matters to them is same-sex attraction, not full bisexual attraction. Which also ends up becoming victim-blaming, because according to them, we "choose" men so we deserve whatever rape and abuse we get, but if we "choose" women then we're also "choosing" to be oppressed, so then we still don't matter and only lesbians should ever matter. We can share statistics, explain the truth, give the most basic and obvious examples to prove biphobia is real, even share our own stories, but they don't want to listen, because they're coming from the misogynistic standpoint of "you're infected by men and therefore bad and I don't want to be infected."

That is why sexuality is so moralised here. Because biphobic lesbians have elevated themselves above all others. The biggest victims of patriarchy, and yet the only ones who can somehow fully examine patriarchy because they're the only ones not "infected."

Despite the fact that a massive amount of patriarchy has nothing to do with individual romantic relationships. Despite the fact that there are some specific kinds of misogyny that no lesbian will ever be able to understand, purely because she's a lesbian. Despite the fact that all of this is predicated on the misogynistic idea that women are all naturally obsessed with and will be subservient to men.

So I'll give you the same advice that I give to others. Always try your best to stick to your principles. Your principles are only your principles when you stick by them even when it's hard and you really don't want to. But don't expect anyone other than bisexuals to care about bisexuals. Because that way, you won't be disappointed when you find the usual biphobia that's around, but instead will be pleasantly surprised and overjoyed when you find the rare person that does care about us.

As for the state of radical feminism now? That's not for us. Not in practice.

I recommend radical bifeminism. It goes back to the roots of radical feminism, takes all the theories we know and understand, focuses on material reality, prioritises bisexual women without tiering ourselves above anyone else, strips out the biphobia, doesn't moralise sexuality and stands against all misogyny to strive for women's liberation.

If you're over 18, then you should join the bisexual discord, too, because you're guaranteed a home with us.

[theyanderespecialist]

(Updated) Base Yandere Lady Dimitrescu Headcanons: Dommy Mommy

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! Happy Mother's Day, here is an updated headcanons video of Lady Dimitrescu! Let's do this! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter here!] 

(Disclaimer: Lady Dimitrescu is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!!!) 

-(Updated) Base Yandere Headcanons With Lady Dimitrescu From Resident Evil Village-

.She is a strong woman who is full of grace and power. 

.When she met you, a human of the village, she fell madly in love with you. 

.Compared to her, you were a simple villager, who was brought to work in her castle. 

.She was stunned by your beauty and she wanted you to be the love of her life. 

.So she told her daughters NOT to harm you, and to keep you safe and sound. 

.She would be very protective of you, and have a thing for keeping you pure. 

.So you would not be allowed to taint yourself with anyone else, especially vial men. 

.If you are male you are the one exception to her view on men. 

.She is canon is a lesbian and is a man-hater, so if you are male or male presenting she would very much see you as her toy and as her pet. 

.But if you are a female or female-presenting you are going to be her wife. 

.Either way, you will be a co-parent to her three daughters. 

.She will also make you immortal in a way like her, it will take time, but she will get it done and she will keep you by her side at all times~ 

.She is possessive of you very much so, especially when men try and steal you from her. Women are just as bad but with her mostly man-hating side, she does not want ANY OF THEM NEAR YOU!!! 

.She sees you as her precious love and she wants to keep you with her. 

.She also would get mother Miranda to let her keep you as her partner. 

.That way no one will be allowed to take you away. 

.She would also worry about you running away or being stolen from her. 

.So she will have a rule that you are not allowed to leave her castle. 

.It is for your safety just as much as it is for her to keep you. 

.Because if you leave you are at the risk of the other lords, and monsters. 

.She is not going to lose you in any way, shape, or form. 

.She will tie you down and keep you locked away in her castle if she has to. 

.Since she wants you to be a part of your family, she will respect you on some level as well. 

.She would also treasure you as one of her most precious things. 

.You and her daughters are the most important things to her and she values you so much. 

.She would have confessed to you, once she had the chance to, offering you a life where she takes care of you and gives you everything you desire as long as you promise to stay by her side and be hers. 

.If you say yes, she will treat you like the most precious thing in the world to her, and you will spend the rest of eternity by her side in comfort (Except for when she forces you to become immortal like her and experiment on you obviously) 

.If you say no, well you will be thrown in the dungeon until she turns you immortal and then you will be locked in a room that is just like a gilded cage. 

.You are her sweet little pet and she is not going to let you go. 

.Once you learn to behave you will earn back privileges and she will take you out more. 

.But act up and she will lock you away again. 

.She does not care if she has to break your spirit, you will learn to behave and you will love her soon enough. She is certain of it. 

.She deals with rivals by killing them and draining them of their blood, to make blood soup for you and wine for you. 

.She promises you will love it, she will make sure of it. 

.She has a lot of dommy mommy energy. 

.You will do as she says or she will punish you, she will also grab you a lot by the throat, feeling your pulse under her hand makes her feel so powerful and like she is in complete control of you. 

.She of course will adore you and treat you well when you behave, so be a good darling for her won't you~ 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MY SEXY MUFFINS!!!! 

Yandere Lady Dimitrescu X Gender Neutral Listener (Resident Evil Village) (Mother’s Day 7/8) 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL TYPES OF MOTHERS/PARENTS WHO DO A MOTHER ROLE JOB

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

[apenitentialprayer]

I'd like your take on this, I'm 16, going on 17. I'm a lesbian, for sure. I know I'll never be able to fall in love with a man. What do I do? So my only choice is between burning in hell for all eternity or being perpetually alone down here? I've thought about it for quite a long time, you seem to know quite a bit about religion, and it's not really a question I can ask anyone in real life.

I saw this before Mass this morning; you were my intention for today, anon. I'm ashamed to say that I briefly, and selfishly, thought about just not answering this message:

First, because I wasn't sure if a random straight guy in his 20s is really the most appropriate person to be talking to you about this. But, if you want other perspectives after this, I follow several LGBT Catholics (both those who follow Church teaching and who conscientiously object); I can dig around and see if any of them are open to talking to you.

Second, because I find this to be an issue that causes me a lot of heartache and distress. But you just said that you have no one to talk to in person about it, and I imagine your heartache is uncontestably worse than mine. So how about I get my head out of my ass?

So, there are two things I think I need to say. The first one is not easy, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. The Catholic Church makes it... abundantly clear that it considers all sexual activity outside of the marriage of one man to one woman to be sinful. And that seems to be the more or less unanimous teaching in the Christian tradition for the first 1900 years or so. I have seen arguments, either about the grammar of the Scriptural text or interpretations of it, that argue that this is a misinterpretation or mistranslation, but the ones I have looked into are (to me) unconvincing and go against how the tradition itself has (again, pretty much unanimously) understood those passages.

But, now that we got that out of the way, there's a quote by Cardinal Basil Hume that I want to share with you, anon. It reads:

Love between two persons, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to be treasured and respected. “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” we read (Jn 11:5). When two persons love, they experience in a limited manner in this world what will be their unending delight when one with God in the next. To love another is in fact to reach out to God, who shares his lovableness with the one we love. To be loved is to receive a sign or share of God’s unconditional love. To love another, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to have entered the area of the richest human experience.

And I want to drive that first point home. Love between two persons, whether of the same sex or a different sex, is to be treasured and respected. Authentic love, the kind that does not objectify another for our sake but wills the best for the person receiving our love, is always from God. And I am saddened that you are worried that you might have to live a life of nothing but loneliness.

You're 16 going on 17. You've got what will hopefully be a very long life in front of you, a life where you will love and be loved by a variety of different people in a lot of different ways. That's one of your callings, and no one can take that from you. And this might mean you need to do some soul-searching to determine how you express that love, and in which ways you choose to do so. But... you can do that. I'm not here to tell you what to do in the complexities and obscurities of your life - I'm not qualified, even if I had the arrogance to think that I could.

But I want you to know that, in whatever circumstances you find yourself in, and whatever courses of action you choose for yourself, you are loved. And that all love comes from Him who is the source of all love.

And I'll be praying for you, for your eternal salvation of course, but also that you find fulfilment in the relationships that you develop in your life. If you're the praying type, I really hope you'll do the same for me.