#the entire point is that they are just regular people

[science-fiction-is-real]

another thing i will point out.

A lot of the magic we see in LOTR is perhaps not so much literal magic as what people in a pre-industrial society perceive as magic. The natural world itself, the passage of time, the turning of history, the puzzling behavior of human beings, all of these things are both natural and supernatural in lord of the rings.

In "fellowship" the gang makes the comically stupid decision to climb a mountain in the middle of December and inevitably they are trapped in a massive blizzard. (This is how we know the book was written by an Englishman). They speculate that perhaps Saruman might be cursing the weather (taken literally by the Jackson films), but Gimli is convinced that the Mountain itself is trying to kill them.

Is the mountain actually trying to kill them? Who the hell knows. It's December and it tends to blizzard on mountains in December. But Gimli KNOWS that mountain, it's a culturally important landmark for his people. He grew up hearing songs and stories about it, probably many stories of similarly stupid travelers who decided to climb the mountain when they should not have. It is a natural normal mountain, but it is also a magical mountain that kills people who tries to climb it, and both of those things are true at the same time in Middle Earth.

Later as they make it out of the mines and approach Lothlorian, Legolas is extremely excited because because now they get to visit an important landmark from his culture, and its his turn to tell stories and sing songs. It should be noted that Legolas has never in his life visited Lothlorian. He's never met anyone from there, hasn't ready any books about it, and there aren't regular messages or correspondence between his wood-elf kingdom and Lothlorian. All he has are song and stories and oral tradition. And that is good enough for Legolas.

On the borders of Lothlorian is a river that Legolas is convinced is magic. Apparently if you put your feet in the water, it will wash away all of your wariness and aching and heal your muscles. He has an entire unprompted musical number about the river, and no one tells him to shut up because they literally have no other way of passing the time besides talking and singing while they are out on the road.

Frodo sticks his feet in the river, and lo and behold, his feet feel much much better, and he suddenly feels a lot less tired than he did before. This is how one would expect to feel if they stuck their tired feet in very cold running water. So is the river actually magical, or is it just a normal river that makes your feet feel better in a naturalistic way? It is both. They are one in the same in Middle Earth.

To people who grow up in a pre-industrial, pre-scientific world, the line between magic and nature is not exactly clear cut. And the natural world can seem magical because there are no scientific explanations for what people observe. Tolkien, who was a professor of medieval literature, may have been keenly aware of this way of viewing the world.

One of the funny things about LotR is that almost every people in it professes to disbelieve in the supernatural, but because they live in a fantasy world their baseline for "natural" is so jacked up. The Rohirrim are like, yeah, there's a wizard in this tower and ancient tradition that we have no reason to doubt says this mountain is full of ghosts, but walking trees? Short people? I don't think so. Galadriel is like, "Listen I heard you describe what I do as magic and look I just gotta clear some things up, okay." Gondorians are like, yeah, of course the Enemy has spectres of men who lived long ago and never died and can now fly above us and incapacitate us with just their voices. This is just a fact of life, okay? But shut up about this magic weed that makes comatose people better. That's an old wives' tale. Royalty? Press X to doubt.

The people group in Tolkien's work who seem most receptive to magic and least restricted by their own notions of what it can do actually seem to be the hobbits. And they use it to avoid meeting people they don't want to talk to

[sgiandubh]

Just so stories: no trespassing

One of the more sophisticated talking points across the street goes something along these lines:

'Why don't we have any pictures with SC outside of promo events and fan service?'

At the same time, 'why would anyone keep quiet about the private lives of two [cursor can go anywhere from] D to B- list actors?'

If all those people in the back could only add two and two, the answer would be easy, I think. But logic was always in very short supply over there, wasn't it?

We don't have many (not any of those, ever, like they desperately try to explain) SC pics, precisely because they are [cursor can go anywhere from] D to B-list actors.

Just imagine. How many people really, seriously know who they are, while brushing past them on a reasonably busy street in Anywhereville, Planet Earth?

How many of the few who know who they are would only care to stop and take a pic? And if so, why would they?

Would Miss Tweedledee, a cashier, ever care to ask that tall guy, a regular client, for a selfie and an autograph on a ten-pound bill she'd eventually frame and hang in her bedroom? Of course not. Miss Tweedledee is British and, as such, values privacy. Plus she is at work. Why lose her daily bread for a perfectly ridiculous reason and three (in)famous minutes of international hysteria, on X or IG?

Would Mister Tweedledum, the neighbor, suddenly start acting strange and spy with his little eye their daily traffic (Subject H coughed convincingly at 20:23, Subject B rolled eyes and started to fix a cuppa)? Of course not. Mister Tweedledum is not a sewer stalker and has his own life. For him, Subject H and Subject B are just those very nice people next door. Plus he doesn't want any trouble with the police, which is understandable. Hurray for social media, then, for it is here and only here that this kind of sociopathic monomania flourishes. Flowcharts and timelines on top.

Relative anonymity and well behaved people's reluctance to come across as nosy and show off are key to understand why. It's not that hard, really. Trumpeting the contrary over and over again is tastelessly absurd.

Being delusional is not daring to critically question the ever thinning hogwash of a tired narrative. Being delusional is having your brain parked in a world that revolves just around Those Two.

It is a thing of wonder nobody ever seriously asked themselves if the entire farce being so dutifully served on certain social media accounts (ahem) isn't just a clever attempt to keep the masses at bay of what is probably their and only their own truth.

[rustedleopard]

Miscellaneous list of headcanons that I have for my "Clover Lives In the Underground Instead of Sacrificing Themself" AU

(Starlo and Clover/Wild East edition)

Starlo refers to Clover as his "golden hearted deputy," both in reference to their kind nature and also a cheesy pun because their SOUL is literally "golden hearted" (but sssh. Starlo is literally a shooting star, cheesy puns are his thing because he is a pun). This term of endearment embarrasses Clover every time he says it.

In general, Starlo is the sort to heap on praise when he's talking about Clover. All of their friends have something nice they can say about Clover but Starlo is the one that will boast the most to the point that Clover gets embarrassed enough to walk away or hide their face in their hands. While they like that Starlo has nice things to say about them, he lays it on way too thick. It's overwhelming.

Starlo is still the #1 cowboy though. That never changes.

I hc that Clover has terrible stage fright so unfortunately they are unable to do the big LARPs/performances that Starlo and the Feisty Four do. If they notice too many people watching them, they will freeze up. Over time, they manage to overcome it enough to do smaller one-on-one performances/acts for small groups but they can't handle a performance where the whole town is watching. They're Starlo's stage hand and work behind the scenes during those.

Their character is the "strong and silent type" to accommodate how not talkative they are.

In order to get into character, Clover puts a stalk of wheat between their lips and that's it. It took them ages to stop instinctively eating the wheat though.

Starlo and Clover are both really into cowboys and Westerns, which is fantastic! Unfortunately, the tape labeled "0/10 Don't watch this one :(" in the Feisty Five shack is Clover's favorite movie. Ah, the pain of having the same passion as someone but different tastes! (They still agree on most things about westerns, but the debates when they disagree on a finer point/on what they like? Woof. Who knew things could get so intense between two nerds?)

Despite wielding a gun, Clover has no experience with other western things. The last time they rode a horse was during a Renaissance fair that was hosted in their town when they were 5-6. They don't know how to make a lasso. Stuff like that. Starlo is more than enthused to give Clover special deputy lassons.

Starlo tried to host the first lasson at 4 in the morning. Clover was not happy with this. Every following lasson has taken place at a more reasonable hour.

While Starlo spends the most amount of time with Clover (out of the Five), all of the Feisty Four has spent time with Clover one-on-one. Each of them have taught Clover their own tricks/things.

Ed taught Clover how to juggle (I hc that Ed learned how to juggle when he was younger to teach himself dexterity with his huge hands and now he does it for fun).

Moray teaches Clover the guitar and they sometimes have private duets playing the guitar and harmonica together.

Ace teaches Clover sleight of hand, magic tricks, card games, and how to cheat at those card games.

Mooch teaches Clover how to pickpocket. While Clover has stolen stuff multiple times throughout the game, they didn't know how to swipe directly off people until Mooch taught them.

Martlet and Starlo alternate weeks on who has Clover. This schedule is flexible if the Royal Guard is getting suspicious, so sometimes Starlo/Martlet will get extra days with Clover if the RG is doing an investigation around Snowdin/The Dunes.

(Ceroba spends time with Clover when they're in the Wild East so it's not like they've forgotten about her entirely. I'll elaborate when it's Ceroba's time)

When Clover first started staying in the Wild East, the Royal Guard got called on them. A lot. Even though Starlo lies to try to cover up their presence ("You think Clover's a human? Nah, that's just their hat giving you that impression.") and talked to the regulars about keeping things hush (they're fine with keeping quiet because they like Starlo, they don't want to upset their sheriff, and Clover is a good kid), that doesn't deter everyone. It felt like almost every other day, the Royal Guard was showing up to capture the human and Starlo and the Four had to scramble to hide Clover somewhere.

List of places that Clover has been hidden (non-exhaustive): In pretty much every crate/barrel in the WE, in the rafters of the stables, behind the bar in the Saloon, locked up in jail and covered in blankets to hide their form, dropped in the Dunes well (one time), behind the curtains on the Saloon stage. It's gotten to the point that Clover went from "Oh no, the Royal Guard is coming!" to "Seriously, I gotta hide again? I just opened my root beer :(" They're used to contorting themself into a pretzel in order to fit into whatever thing that they're getting crammed into. Thankfully they're not claustrophobic.

Undyne eventually got frustrated with running down to the Wild East to handle the human she could never find (if they even exist) so she has cameras installed all throughout the Dunes. Starlo gathers up the Feisty Five and is like "Okay gang, our next mission is to take out every camera in the Dunes while also making it look like an accident 😀" Eventually cameras stop getting installed and she stops responding to most reports coming from the Dunes.

Starlo is legitimately a thorn in Undyne's side; she HATES him so much. Even post UT Pacifist when it comes out that Clover was living in the Wild East and Undyne can understand why he was so protective because she has Frisk and would die/kill for them, that doesn't stop him from being on her personal shit list.

Clover earns their own wage around the Wild East by doing odd jobs/helping Dina with serving customers (non-alcoholic) drinks/food when things get busy in the Saloon. Clover still has their sense of independence.

Starlo has his bar tab extended to include any of Clover's purchases regardless.

Clover joins in with Ceroba when it comes to teasing. They don't tease him nearly as much as she does and it's never mean-spirited. It's stuff like:

The Feisty(j) Five is now the Feisty(j) Five(+1). The "j" and "+1" are silent. The alliteration is preserved!

It really bothered Starlo for a while trying to come up with an alliteration to suit the six of them (the Supreme Six? The Spirited Six?) while also giving everyone in the intro their own part (Clover would obviously be "Justice" except that's Starlo's part). Eventually Clover was the one to point out that it's best that they aren't included because it'd make the Royal Guard suspicious since they can't show their face around the RG yet there's supposed to be six of them in the group if they're called "The [insert adjective here] Six." And while Starlo wants to have them included, unfortunately their reasoning for being excluded is sound.

Out of all of Clover's friends, Starlo is the most vocal about how unfair it is that Clover has to live in secret. They're a great kid, he wants to show them off, it's not fair that he has to hide them because other people want them dead for who they are.

Blackjack still respects Clover even though he can't stand the rest of the Five because Clover is always quiet and polite when they visit. The Five usually sends in Clover to do shopping for them because Blackjack is nicer to them, but it also creates a hilarious situation where Clover is walking in and out of the shop carrying messages for Starlo/Blackjack when they're bartering.

Starlo doesn't swear whenever Clover is around (true in canon btw. He only swears in the Flawed Pacifist ending). Clover, meanwhile, has no trouble with swearing.

Starlo and Clover have a bit of a dynamic in the Wild East where, if there's a problem and someone wants something done about it, it's best to go to Clover. But if someone wants to talk to someone about the problem, it's best to go to Starlo. Because Clover will fix that problem if you ask but they might look at you like you're an idiot if the reason why you got into trouble was very dumb (I just see Clover as kind but not nice, okay. I'm deeply attached to that interpretation of them). Meanwhile, Starlo would talk to you about addressing the problem and will get around to it, but he's a busy person so it might not be handled immediately/he's more likely to forget.

Even though Starlo can be too much at times and Clover finds themself rolling their eyes at some of his antics, they do trust him and look up to him. They're shy about admitting these things but they do love him a lot.

[odysseylotus]

As someone who has modded for several games and posted them online (Stardew Valley, Rimworld, Honkai Star Rail, Genshin Impact, Darkest Dungeon, probably more I can’t remember)… there is a huge toxicity problem when between modders and mod-users, although to different degrees (Stardew Valley’s modding community was alright, but it’s been a long time since I modded for that).

People have demanded changes or entirely new mods, called me a gatekeeper for not doing what they asked, harassed me. It’s like because these people are getting pretty/helpful content for free, they feel entitled to it and the creator’s labor. It’s ridiculous. People don’t seem to realize that the people supplying their mods are people with their own lives and interests. You aren’t entitled to *any* of that, it’s out of the creator’s kindness they share their personal creations online.

I’ve been modding, as a user and creator, for almost a decade at this point. It’s a community I’m extremely passionate about and I just can’t stand to see people harassing creators because they aren’t getting exactly what they wanted. That toxicity drives creators way, and then you won’t have the precious content you keep bitching at them about.

(obviously this isn’t to say that modders shouldn’t be critiqued for either their behavior or their content. I just find that people get way too demanding with regular people expressing themselves creatively online)

I don't know what's going on, but I really wish that people would stop hating on Modders/CC creators. They're going as far as leaving terrible comments for no good reason.

I honestly don't understand what gives anyone the right in this community or any community to tell others what they should do and where they should do it. I don't understand this need for control it's like how about remember that before anything else -- people are humans first.

I could care less where people upload their content. Honestly? If I find that a modder/cc creator either exclusively or in addition to, uploads their content on CurseForge -- I choose to go download from their CurseForge and I don't even have it automatically set up for CurseForge to do the downloading for me. I still download the files individually and I put them in my Mods folder on my own.

I don't start judging them for why their content is there or why it's there quicker than other locations they upload to -- like, how many hands do people think creators have? Not to mention the energy it takes as well as the time.

I love a lot of modders / cc creators, but recently there's a modder that I love who I just found out is getting negative messages because their mods aren't being uploaded to their website at the same rate as them uploading to CurseForge.

I am currently using 338 of their mods -- that's right, 338 mods... currently. Without their mods I wouldn't be able to stand so much that automatically happens in The Sims 4.

I don't want to see any modder leave the community, but this is turning into something so pointless and unfortunate. Some of these modders / cc creators are even giving away their content for free without any early access (and I have nothing against people who choose to do early access on their content) -- but it's like... what in the literal hell more could people even want? The entitlement in the world (even outside of this community) is unreal. If you don't like something or someone for their choices then move on instead of trying to upset someone to the point they disappear and you end up ruining it for everyone else.

[ploppythespaceship]

to every critic who claims that the Uglies cast is too attractive to be playing the "ugly" characters and it doesn't make sense for them to calling themselves ugly for having completely normal facial features:

[dykedvonte]

I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?

What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.

[holyshit]

.

[paulgadzikowski]

You're absolutely right, and that's what Superman is talking about in this archive Three Faces which is one of my own favorites:

But it's like what Three Faces says about fiction-plane reflection from, for instance, the plane of The Godfather: On that plane, people who extort and murder are the sympathetic protagonists because the natural moral laws are different than on ours. Or from Star Trek: The Doctor argues that non-interference is as imperialist as colonialism, just the opposite extreme, but on that plane it's proven over centuries to be the productive, compassionate, and moral option.

On Superman's plane (with some rare exceptions which occasionally rise as story points, like the time a judge orders Killer Frost freed from the freezer containment that keeps her from killing people because it's cruel and unusual punishment, at which point of course she kills everyone in the courtroom), it's seen and validated by the narrative that a superhero has every moral right to make a citizen's arrest during the comission of a crime for which the perpetrators are then prosecuted normally, under precedent established and observed since the first superheroes (whenever that history began as of the most recent crisis). Superman has pledged to uphold the law precisely so that he isn't seen to and doesn't become the de facto ruler of the world no matter how much his detractors argue he already is (and, on his plane, only his detractors argue this, and are entirely unsupported by the narrative when they do). [Or, if that's not how it works in the source(s) these days, that's how it worked when I was a regular reader and that's how it works on his plane in Three Faces.]

The gripping hand is, in Three Faces' DC universe, Inadequacy Lad nevertheless may ultimately suffer instead whatever will be the same consequences or lack of consequences as he does on our plane, depending entirely on which way it breaks in whatever gag about it comes to me next, if any.

The Hero of Three Faces is fanfiction crossovers, but it’s comic strips with stick figures, but they’re triangles. Click here for cartoon homepage. Or see this blog’s FAQ, or my archive tumblog’s FAQ. Cartoons may contain unmarked spoilers. Cartoons posted to Tumblr 11:00 (Central US time) daily are the previous day’s new update and the posts are pinned to the top of this blog. Cartoons linked from Tumblr 22:00 daily are usually from the archive and the posts are pinned only during annual summer hiatus of new updates; but archive cartoon postings currently are temporarily suspended, and the 11:00 new cartoon post, if any, is reblogged at 22:00.

Thanks for reading.

[mortysmith]

no offense but feeling bad for evil rick is kind of missing the point

[sympathytea]

Alright chat before s2 starts tomorrow I want to put one more idea out there or rather, theory.

So we know that the red gate at the diamond level probably leads to like, a lobby or something. Probably a no-pvp zone. Assuming that every civilization has a lobby exit gate at their last level (depending on the weapon this might just be instantly accessible) Is there actually a way out? Or is this it? Are they suspended in the void? Is there ever really anything outside of the civilizations? Is it an apocalypse out there, perceived to be that way? Or is it. Nothing special? Personally what I'm going with until its proven wrong: There is no true exit. Death is the only way out of PVP civilization. The whole thing with Evbo's immortality, his obsession with trying to get down lower and see if there's anything outside of it. Wouldn't it be fucked up if there was actually just nothing except this hell that he put himself through for no reason? The guy in episode 1 might've had a point there, and might've been the smartest guy Evbo ever met. The point of the whole game being to not play at all.

Putting himself in a cycle of dying and living and dying? Probably the worst idea he had, assuming I'm right. Which considering everyone seems more concerned about prolonging the inevitability of death? Farming for durability, paying for immortality with said durability? What if they already knew there was nothing out there, and nobody thought to tell Evbo. Either because they didn't have the heart to crush his dreams, or fear that it would break him. Could you imagine how devastated he would be if he got that revealed to him? That there isn't a way out, that nobody is going to escape PVP Civilization. There is no Chosen One, to lead everyone out of hell.

[isekyaaa]

The difference between insomnia as a symptom and having a "decreased need for sleep" is that, while both results in you spending an ungodly amount of hours awake and not able to sleep, insomnia will result in a exhausted sleepy person while someone with a "decreased need for sleep" will not be sleepy or exhausted.

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

At this rate I'm not gonna be able to unmute Gaiden spoilers before adding Infinite Wealth spoilers am I

[monster-noises]

Alright sure fine

I'll link several emotions together in one post and leave it there hows that.

This is one of those times where I was very charged up earlier today but the moments kinda passed so now my thoughts and feelings aren't as fine-edged-sharp and crystal clear, but I still think I should try and get this out of my body for a bit..

So you'll have to pardon the fact that i'll be sifting through the muck and it may not be the smoothest most eloquent read. Not that you have to read this, I mostly just need to expunge my bile into the void where someone could theoretically see it. A little fun trick I like to play on my brain that actually usually works.

In case you were wondering why i post so bare faced about my emotions so often.....

Regardless I.. hm.

Well, perhaps it is best to just cut right to it. One of the its at least.

Something I've been dealing with, for a very long time, but extra... Pointedly of late, is this feeling that's been hard to express without most probably deeply insulting my friends.

But I think i've routed it out into a shape that.. covers the emotion and also Doesn't Do That.

And it's like.. I wish. Mm. I wish I knew How To Feel Cared About?

Because I don't. And not knowing what that's Supposed to feel like makes it really hard in this part of my life I'm in to tell if the problem is me not Receiving Love and Care properly when it is entirely present in my life, or if there really is problem and I am right to feel like my social needs are not being met even if I know Practically that my friends all Do love and care about me.

It was an easy feeling to calculate when i didn't really have friends, like obviously i don't feel cared for, i've got (almost*)no one caring about me! But I Have friends now, good friends, great friends, best friends!

And yet. I'm. As lonely and isolated as I've ever been. Constantly plagued by a hollow feeling of.. Missing Something, of simply being Empty and Cold

And is that me? Is that my fault? Am I just not Processing or feeling things correctly? Have I wiggled myself into a social role that says 'hey haha! You don't Have to think of me it's cool!'?? Is it on me for being too quiet? But if I speak up I'll be too much! I know I Also don't reach out much (which is the damn rub of the whole thing, I'll get there in a bit...) but I also feel so often... Unimportant, background, special but not special Enough for anyone to keep me abreast of what happens in their lives. And it's all my fault and I'm gross and cruel for feeling this way.

Which is why i feel safer posting about it on tumblr instead of speaking to my friends about it.

Because it's a Huge Problem but also it's not their problem it's my problem I couldn't possibly ask anything of them they do so much already, I mean they're my friends and I know they love me and Sometimes we hang out and that should be more than enough right????? RIGHT?????? shouldn't I feel good and satisfied from that????

Shouldn't that cover my social and emotional needs? Even if I go most days of the week without talking to anyone so any contact I eventually get feels like i'm desperately coming up for a few brief gasping seconds of air? Even though I spend an unreasonable amount of time paralyzed by the yawning ache in my heart for Contact Please Someone Come Sit With Me And Listen To Me And Care! Isn't that my own fault? Isn't that on me for ignorning how much my friend's Do care about me and show it, because I haven't said anything in all that time either right!? They're busy! We're all adults and it's hard to find time and energy to reach out and be social, everyone has a million things going on all the time so like really sometimes I should be the one reaching out but in that same vein; is that my place? I don't want to bother them.. to intrude when it's not my Alotted Time. Wouldn't it be more appropriate and respectful to their time and energy to not demand they spend it on You? To speak only when spoken to and be Chill and Cool And Needless even when you're Screaming Screaming Screaming for someone to hear you

Not even to vent, though my struggle to be vulnerable directly to people's faces continues to be a large impassable aspect of this issue, but just be seen and heard and taken an interest in. I'm always there to Hear, to listen to and offer insight toward, to witness and to be Audience but so rarely feel like I can Show or be Watched in turn. But is that even true? My friend's do Know what I like don't they? They'll listen, they have listened, I'm sure they have.. but I still feel like I have to hide it, protect it, patience for me is limited and I have to spend it wisely, like they don't need that they don't want to hear it. (Would it suprise you to know i've been told this directly more than once by different people?)

And what do I even Want? Then? If "my needs are not being met"? (We have gotten back to it) Because goodness knows i am also prey to the aforementioned limited time and energy, I already loose so much of my art to work and the daily maintenance of being Alive, do I want people coming in More Often to take that time now too? Even texts! Even texts can take so much of something so limited and precious to me.. what matters more being social or my lifes true passion? What a horrendous question to have to ask. To choose one core need but smother the other. What a curse, and I can see myself, still, choosing art far more often, against my my own more desperate needs. Even if I so very badly want to go out and absorb the world with my friends I need to be with my art instead, perhaps to me detriment.

Ultimately, I guess, I want to feel like people are there. Even when they aren't. Human Object Permanence of some kind. And yeah, maybe getting more time with people, whether the cost of that time is solved or not I just want Contact, regular Contact two-way Contact. But is this all on me to start feeling what my friend's are already doing? Or should I reach out and ask for more? I don't know! I could not tell you!

Over and over and over these same two feelings in different skins smashing over me, crashing so loud I can't get my own words in; I Do Not Feel Cared About - Do You Know What Being Cared About Feels Like

And then god.. the further questions that spiral out and out and out from here.. is this vacuous hole I feel, this unfulfillment socially, the reason I hurt so much for romance? Because it feels so much like the most direct route to being Known and ensuring at least one person thinks of me as Immutably Important (would my friend's not already say I am that to them? Would they not be hurt by the implication that I think they don't feel this way? Why does the thought of that only make me feel worse, more guilt ridden, and not stronger in the feeling that they care? Why do I only have one reaction to Everything; to bury myself in guilt and shame) Should this idea deter me from seeking romance at all? Like sort this out before I go after that kind of relationship? Perhaps that would be wise.. but trying to put down that desire, to focus on being single and engaging exclusively in the intimately platonic, feel like a lie? Feel like a cover up? Like i've pulled out an organ and set it on the table and am trying to ignore like I didn't just pull it out of myself? I feel I have reached to feverish a pitch of being without a partner, I can't Not at least try and find someone. The yearning is simply too great, to loud, to hot. If I ignore it I risk being swallowed up in it completely.

But why? One person can't solve all my problems or meet all my needs and the needs I need met are all part of the earlier problems mentioned that do not specifically need to be met by a romantic partner to Be met?? So why bother going for romance at all??

Can I not just.. want it? Can that not be reason enough? I know I am comfortable engaging just as intimately as I would with a partner with a friend, but there is a tangible difference in Intent and I want That Difference. Even if there is no answer to the logic behind it. But still would it make a difference? Do you think having a specific kind of relationship will magically make you know what feeling cared for Feels Like? ....

I mean I used to not know what sexual atteaction felt like and then one video game man appeared and Boom suddenly I Did so like......... It's Possible.

Okay Perhaps, but like it's still not the most likely that it's just going to go away because now there's a Boy around to Kiss, in fact knowing me it may get Worse, even, so like what? Like what???? We also can't keep going on just Yearning like this. It hurts so much to feel this lonely.

(Valentines is in 3 days and I have the worst sinking feeling that it's going to be very tough this year)

Not that it really matters anyway because no one has expressed interest in me, everyone I've met on dating apps, and note; it's Not very many people, has either ghosted me, I've ghosted them (not usually on purpose) or we've miraculously stayed in contact but slipped right into just being Pals and Friends. No one has reached out with anything resembling explicit romantic interest, and it really doesn't feel like they're ever going to. And I know I should ditch the apps and go out and Participate, but When I ask you, same as before, what Time do I have? And where do I Go? i've tried to find events in my city that I would fit into, and they either don't exsist or exsist only at times and price ranges completely inaccessible to me. Not to mention events I Have gone to have ended in me passing through not talking to anyone because I'm just not good at introcutory conversations, rarely do I have anything to say, and I really only feel comfortable engaging when approached, It feels presumptuous and creepy to do the approaching.. which sounds, I imagine, an eerily familiar echo of earlier points. And so I'm stuck. I cannot win. I feel unable to act or take control and so I sit in silence and the hole inside me gets bigger and I feel less and less like a person everyday.

Fundamentally I'm at odds with myself.

I have all these wants and needs and desires that feel unfulfilled but do not believe I can or should need to ask for them (because they aren't 'unfulfilled', not because people should just ~know~ they are there). And so I cannot make myself believe they are even real, or at least that they are unfullfilled, and that it's simply me being obstinant and slefishly blind.

I understand I am not an Undesireable person per say, I am Niche and that's fine, but I feel undeniably that I am still not a person who Is/Can Be Desired, and that's a different thing entirely from being desireable.

There are no primary and secondary "characters" in real life, and while there are certain forms of 'social heirarchy' that are kinda real i am not Fundamentally and Automatically ""below"" everyone around me either by my being who i am or some kind of weird illogical ~noble choice~, but it still feels wrong of me to be forward, like I'm being cruel and controlling and dominating by speaking about myself in any capacity, or asking for things or speaking first, to dare to take on any roll that does not feel not... submissive but subjucative, as if Apologising for existing by exsisting as little as possible, by only exsisting when it is permissible for me to exsist, when I have been told it is okay, to never insert myself unannounced. (Which, as I shockingly have not mentioned yet, is completely counterproductive to my cause as it creates, from the outside, this image that I, maybe, don't care. Or at least I care but I do not Need that much. I imagine I'm read less as a loyal hound awaiting instruction, and more an aloof cat that needs to coaxed from his hiding place)

There is no point to close this off. No turn around epiphany of my hope for healing or what to do. There's maybe a quiet desperate cry for help and instruction, and a whispered hope that I haven't gravely insulted my friends who read through this. I know you all do love and care about me, and I'm sorry I struggle to receive that. I love and care about you too, and hope that you're able to recieve it in full.

But there's no big grand ending here with some optimistic bend. Just me alone in my bedroom at 2:17am, tangled up in knots, not really knowing what to do about anything at all.

[steviescrystals]

my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness

[mortimer-writes-sometimes]

♥️ 💔 🖤? From coffeewritesfiction

Yesssss I got one of these!!!

Anyway. Names. Bios. Yes. There are a lot of main characters so I will tell you about the three I have written about the most recently. I'll put them in order of where they appear in the historical timeline, as well!

I don't have any major, developed characters from the earlier years of Era One, but I have two major characters right at the start of Era Two! Emperor Oscar Huphera and his most trusted advisor, Thomas Merritt!

Oscar is the fourth emperor in the Huphera line, ruling over the growing Tsiona Empire. He's arrogant, cold, and stern with everyone who has the misfortune of working with him. At least, that is what he appears to be. His uncle, the former emperor, was a brutal dictator who was liable to cut off one's tongue should one mouth off to him. While most of the courtiers of the Tsiona Empire are grateful that Oscar is not that type of man, there are some who believed Oscar to be too soft when he first came into power. They went so far as to challenge his claim to the throne, and though that challenge failed, Oscar isn't keen to test his luck again.

He crafted an image for himself, that of a tyrant with his temper on a short leash that he could release at any moment. With that image, he was able to silence any whispers that he was too soft on his courtiers and citizens. He was not, however, able to curb the rumors that he was a non-traditionalist. Perhaps those rumors have some substance, seeing as Oscar is destined to be the last emperor of the Tsiona Empire.

Thomas Merritt is Oscar's most trusted royal advisor. Specifically, he is the emperor's Advisor of the People. To most of the courtiers, it's a pretty cushy job. The Advisor of the People is basically what we would consider modern day PR management. Thomas's job is to keep an ear to the ground and listen to what people are saying about the monarchy. When they're saying good things, he reports them back to Oscar. When they're saying bad things, he co-ordinates with Oscar to do damage control. Other advisors and courtiers will sometimes give Thomas messages to pass to the emperor as well, since he seems to be the only one Oscar won't blow up at.

So, that's what he is on the surface, but he is also so much more than that. In addition to handling PR, Thomas also stands at the top of a vast network of Imperial spies. He makes it his business to know everything about anyone and everyone. He sniffs out talk of rebellion and monitors the loudest voices, making moves to ensure that there's never a chance for coordinated effort to overthrow his friend ever again. Most people write him off as a silly, laid-back gossip, and he uses that to his advantage. He's been protecting Oscar since childhood, and he intends to protect him through his dying breath.

Now let's fast forward- way forward- to the middle of Era 3. And allow me to introduce you to Richie McLure.

Yes, McLure is really his last name. No, he's not a pimp. And his full name is technically Richard, but that was his father's name, and he really doesn't want to go by Dick. Richie is the unfortunate son of a part-time "miracle worker", an absolute quack. Oh, sure, he did perform miracles. That sort of magic is fairly common. The quack part comes in when one looks at how McLure Senior came about his magic. See, Richard liked to take shortcuts, and he thought himself very clever. He thought that if he made contradicting contracts with multiple magical entities, they would end up squabbling when it came time to collect, and he could bounce without paying the bill. What he failed to know or realize, and what he would have realized if he had studied for his magic like everyone else, is that there are in fact powers-that-be. More specifically, powers-that-be-employed-to-handle-that-sort-of-paperwork-and-dont-take-kindly-to-the-mountain-that-is-richard-mclures-file.

How does that relate to Richie? Well, Richie is Richard's first born. And, as he learns upon his father's death, he's been sold to four different magical entities, all of which want to collect him for one purpose or another. Richie is informed of this by an agent of Heaven named Ethan (the neutral third party; Heaven wouldn't claim a member of the McLure family for any incentive, apparently). Having just gotten finished settling the material debts of his father's estate and very much liking his free will intact, Richie does the logical thing and tells Ethan to tell all four entities to pound sand. That does not go well for him.

[bunnis-monsters]

NSFW

A/N: another kofi request!

When you walked for a while through the thick forest near your home, you were able to find a meadow full of deer hybrids.

It was a secret place, one only a few human beings knew about. Among those humans was you, a young woman currently being courted by one of those feet hybrids.

“My dear!”

You felt arms wrap around your torso from behind, your neck being peppered in warm kisses as you were pulled close.

This was your current predicament. A few months ago you spotted a deer hybrid struggling in a trap meant for regular deer. You knew if the hunter found them he’d be taken to the city and sold as a pet, so you quickly used your pocket knife to cut him free.

The second he was out of his bonds, he nearly tackled you, rubbing and butting against your neck and nearly impaling you with his horns.

“Mate… my mate…”

And that’s how you ended up at the meadow again, visiting him. If you didn’t come once a week to see the fluffy thing, he’d try coming out of the woods and into your neighborhood.

Of course, that was dangerous. Between cars, hunters, and lots of people wanting a cute deer hybrid as a pet, the human world wasn’t safe.

You made a deal with him. Every weekend you’d come and spend time with him. The first time you proposed this deal to him, he leapt with joy, his fluffy tail wiggling super fast.

So today you brought your picnic basket, setting out a blanket and preparing the snacks as he waited patiently nearby. Sometimes he could be a bit shy after greeting you, quickly retreating behind other deer hybrids and peaking out at you with his big doe eyes.

The second you were done, he trotted back, letting out a happy whine when you patted your lap. He loved laying his head there.

His ears flicked, and he looked up at you through his lashes, batting them. Clearly, he was a whore for your attention.

You always knew the best spots to scratch and rub, always getting behind his ears and at the base of his antlers.

His tail wagged, and you couldn’t help but lift it slightly too look at his cute butt, making his head jerk up.

“Mate? You want to mate?”

The deer hybrid excitedly nuzzled against you, pushing you down on the blanket. He let out little grunts, his tail still going crazy behind him.

“N-not yet, not yet.”

He pouted, but quickly returned to relaxing in your lap, almost purring at every scratch and pet. You knew rutting season was soon by now antsy he had been to mate with you lately… and you were preparing yourself to help him.

The guy always wanted to be by your side, bringing you fresh berries and honey he collected. You were his mate, and he wanted to give you all the sweet things he could find!

And boy was he possessive! He would let out whines and grunts when other males approached, pointing his antlers at them and holding you close. It was just too cute!

For months you came and went, giving him the attention he needed while getting to relax and escape all the stress life had to give.

Curling up with him, playing with his soft puffy hair and watching him get all giddy and excited really calmed you down. His fluffy tail always wagged when you were around, wagging even harder when you scratched a good spot or gave him snuggles.

But his rut had finally come in full force, and you knew he needed you.

This time when you came to visit, he was alone, whimpering softly and pumping his cock. He seemed distressed, and you were quick to lower yourself by his side, your fingers gently glazing his swollen tip.

“Shh, shh… I’m here. It’ll be okay.”

He looked up at you through his thick lashes, sniffling. It seemed he had grown attached and reliant on you.

“Please…”

How could you say no to those big, warm doe eyes?

The second your fingers wrapped around his cock, he let out a moan, his hips bucking lightly. He needed his release, and your hand wouldn’t cut it soon enough.

He came quicker than expected, and soon he was mounting you.

The entire time he mated with you, he was more gentle than you’d think a buck in rut would be. He was constantly nuzzling into you, thrusting just hard enough to satisfy you, but not any harder.

When he came inside, his ears twitched and tail wagged, and he melted when you reached out to play with his ears while his cum shot into your womb.

After mating you, he was a happy little thing, making a sort of purring sound while he nuzzled his face against your neck.

Perhaps being mates with him wouldn’t be so bad after all…

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