#the emotionally difficult things and making choices

[nozomijoestar]

New hibike ep almost making me cry

[phagodyke]

argh..

[khaire-traveler]

☀️ Subtle Apollon Worship 🏹

Singing/listening to your favorite songs; this applies to any music, though

Listening to music while studying

Playing any instrument

Dedicating a journal to writing poetry or stories

Reading poetry books; reading ancient poetry/stories (especially ancient Greek poetry/stories)

Dancing to any music of your choice

Setting reminders to take medication on time; taking your medication in general

Taking care of your body physically, such as brushing one's teeth or taking a shower

Taking a walk on a sunny day; basking in the warmth of the light

Keeping a pic of him in your wallet

Wearing jewelry that reminds you of him

Keeping imagery of light/the sun, lyres, instruments, music, swans, cranes, or ravens around

Getting a wolf, swan, or dolphin stuffed animal

Anything to do with positive and healthy self-wellness

Learning archery

Learning to do divination outside of the obvious (the obvious being tarot, runes, and pendulums, for example; not obvious would be cartomancy, pyromancy, carromancy, shufflomancy, etc.)

Doing homework (yes, really)

Being kind to yourself when you're having a difficult time

Placing positive affirmations on somewhere you'd see them everyday, especially ones about things you're proud of

Checking in with yourself emotionally throughout the day; how are you feeling? What are some good things that have happened so far? What are some not so good things?

Learning about philosophy and taking note of your thoughts on the topic

Learning more about yourself (e.g. make a list of things you enjoy, try new hobbies, experiment with new outfits, etc.)

Expressing yourself through art of any kind

Having a candle that reminds you of him (no altar needed)

Keeping a personal journal/diary - somewhere where you can keep track of your thoughts and feelings

Practice compassion and patience, especially with yourself

Continue learning throughout your life; interesting topics, philosophy, music, psychology, physical health, etc.

Learn about any medical conditions you or a loved one has

Learn about your healthcare options and medical rights (HIPPA in the US)

Support education forward, humanitarian, healthcare, or homeless shelter organizations

Volunteer at a homeless shelter

Donate clothes, toys, hygiene kits, and other items; hygiene kits are always needed

Be kind to children; play with them if offered

Make a list of things that make you feel human throughout the year - moments where you feel present, content, and alive

Sharpen your mind; play memory or mentally stimulating games

-

May add more later! For now, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Apollo. I hope it helps someone, and take care, y'all! 🧡

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

[allthosepeopleilovetofangirlover]

DATING DEAN WINCHESTER HEADCANONS

Dean is the guy who'd pretend that he's the best in the entire universe, but he'll get nervous if he ever sees someone slightly more attractive than him.

He loves to watch movies with you, even more so if they're of his choice. Cuddling on the couch in the Bunker and watching a movie is his favourite evening activity, and he's constantly looking at your face throughout the movie to see if you like it or not.

Dean doesn't want you to accompany him on hunts, especially if the creature you have to hunt happens to be particularly dangerous, like a vampire or a werewolf.

He'll never try to control you, but he will get insanely protective of you and you have had many arguments based on that.

Arguments that almost always get resolved by angry sex or intense makeout sessions.

But for the ones that don't, you two eventually find your way back to each other.

He'll never admit it, but he loves it when you treat him with affection and give him flowers.

If it wasn't obvious, Dean is touch-starved, and you figure it out very soon into your relationship. You make sure to give him reassuring touches ever so often, especially in the times of stress.

Dean is very grateful for those touches, and keeps reciprocating the gesture, but in a much wilder way.

He is very possessive, and will glare daggers at anyone who stares at you for too long. Men who know him know how dangerous he is, and how well he can fight, so they stay away from you. But the strangers who try to look at you in any way other than respect, Dean will not hesitate to throw punches.

For all his playboy ways, he's extremely loyal to you. Will not even look at any other girl when you're in the picture. You're the only one he wants and needs.

Dean likes to pull pranks on you. They're harmless, obviously. He loves to see that adorable expression on your face when you don't know what's wrong when you're being pranked. Once you realise it however, it doesn't take a lot of time for that expression to go from adorable to angry.

You love to pull pranks on him as well, often teaming up with Sam to teach his older brother a lesson. Sam loves it, and though Dean pretends to be angry and offended, he's laughing on the inside.

Frequent rides in the Impala, especially when it's drizzling and a cool breeze is blowing. He just likes to go on long drives with you, no distance is too long with you by his side.

Dean tells you stories of his childhood, yes, even the bad ones. The good ones to get a good laugh while the bad ones for you to get more acquainted with his reality, to know who he really is.

He had taken a lot, and I mean a LOT of time to open up emotionally, it was extremely difficult for him to not be guarded at all times. But nothing is too difficult when it comes to you.

Now, he opens up to you and talks to you about how he feels, instead of hiding his real emotions behind corny jokes and sarcasm.

Whenever you get mad at him, he immediately gets to know and tries his best to make sure that you aren't mad, the process including more corny jokes but you learned to love them anyway.

Sam loves the way you have a positive effect on his brother, how you calm him down from both anger and stress, how you make him less reckless and more affectionate.

The most important thing however, is the fact that you make him less self-destructive. He takes a lot of care of you, but along with you, he has started to learn how to cherish and love himself as well.

You bring out the best in him, and he brings out the best in you.

You're his yin, and he's your yang. Both of you wouldn't have it any other way.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: What kind of person they are

Hello and welcome to this new post of mine! In here I will give you a reading on what kind of person your s/o is. I hope you guys enjoy and find this interesting.

Masterpost > Paid Readings

~pick a card~

Pile 1:

Your future spouse is a very detail oriented person. Especially when it comes to their interest they will have a habit of pointing out every little thing most people wouldn’t notice. It works the same when it comes to easter eggs in movies or making spelling or grammar mistakes in your day to day life. Some of you might find this annoying, but the way your future spouse does it makes it rather amusing.

Your future spouse is also a very calm person, you will hardly see them be annoyed, irritated or angry. They think very rationally rather than emotionally, and whenever you come up with wild conclusions too quickly they will be there for you to ground you and your emotions with their words.

Pile 2:

Your future spouse is someone who gets straight to the point when it comes to basically everything in their life. If something is bothering them they will voice their opinion (not in a rude way), if they want something to be done they will voice this and take action if others don’t do it. Your future spouse is well aware of the things they look for in life as well as in a partner; so the moment they choose you, it wasn’t a choice taken lightly. Your future spouse will have thought of many possibilities and futures ahead of them, and decided that it looked best with you in it.

They are not only clear when it comes to what they want and need, they are also confident in themselves, their looks, and their personality. Your future spouse stands strong in their shoes, and is almost impossible to take down. Thankfully, that confidence is infectious, and the more you two spend time together the more you start to feel it too.

Pile 3:

Your future spouse is very set on decisions when they make them; changing their mind is difficult and it will bring some frustrations with it in the relationship. But they are also set on having a relationship with you, and will know perfectly well what to give you in order to keep you, what it is you need in a relationship and what it is you wish to possess.

Their mind is one that goes really fast, and because they have trouble changing their minds on many things it will sometimes occur that they get stuck in a certain mental space that is difficult to get rid of; their thoughts will turn and turn and go in circles. The best way to help them in this situation is by making them write everything on paper; make them see instead of think to get a clear mind on the things happening around you two.

[depravitycentral]

General Yandere! Kotarou Bokuto Profile

Yandere! Kotarou Bokuto x reader

TW: kidnapping, possessiveness, mentions of stalking, mentions of masturbation, allusions to somnophilia, Stockholm Syndrome, emotional manipulation, Ko uses you as his emotional support system, delusional behavior, nonconsensual physical affection/touch, vague allusions to non-con, mentions of physical abuse, Kotarou is extremely emotionally needy and physically touchy and just generally quite a handful, mentions of insecurity, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 11K

DARLING PROFILE: 

Introverted  

Koutarou is a lot. He knows it, his team knows it, hell, the entire league knows it.

His energy is difficult to match; he’s a ray of sunshine, blinding yet impossible to look away from, someone with boundless amounts of energy, someone friendly and extraverted to an almost extreme.

Because he is so rambunctious and loud, he would actually really enjoy a partner who mellows him out a bit more, someone who isn’t constantly hyper and talkative and wanting to spend hours on end with other people.

He works well with Akaashi; who is quiet, calm and not as talkative, and his darling would likely reflect that in many ways – the serenity, the sense of peace and calmness, the idea that they aren’t constantly jumping with energy, constantly bursting at the seams to go do something.

Ideally though, he’d enjoy a partner who is still willing to talk, who’s willing to indulge him in conversation and compliment him and give him that adorable smile, just not a social butterfly like himself. It makes him feel privileged, special because his darling wants to speak to him, that they’re using their precious social battery on him him him.

He’s in awe that they start conversations with him; his darling, who so often doesn’t utter a word around crazy people such as himself, who sees someone as hyper as him and immediately run for the hills.

It makes his ego flare, and he can’t deny how adorable they are when they get embarrassed at his attention, when they roll their eyes and shove his shoulder lightly, when they freeze and cower as he loudly proclaims his love for them in the middle of the movie theater and everyone looks over.

He loves it, and it’s a nice bonus that it cuts down his competition - less dirty work for him, something Koutarou is very thankful for.

Creative

Volleyball is Kotarou’s life, and as a result he hasn’t had much time to explore anything outside of it. He’s never really tried his hand at painting, playing an instrument, baking, or really any other hobby.

And of course he loves the sport dearly, but there’s something alluring to the idea of a darling that’s invested in something so completely different from himself.

It doesn’t matter what the hobby is - cooking, drawing, writing, singing, it could be anything at all.

But once Kotarou finds out his darling enjoys it, suddenly he becomes obsessed with it, wanting to learn as much as he can and hone as many talents within it as possible. In his eyes, everything his darling does is perfect, so the thing that they love most (aside from him, of course) must be amazing, right? It must be worth his time to learn about it and become familiar with it, if only just to impress his darling, if only just to share even a scrap of the love they feel for it.

He’ll beg and pester his darling to teach him, constantly asking questions and carefully watching their answers.

Because rally, while Kotarou develops an interest in the activity because of his darling’s love, he also becomes familiar with the hobby because he lives for the way their eyes light up when they’re concentrating. They look absolutely gorgeous, even more beautiful than normal, something sparkling in their eyes.

His knees grow weak when he sees them biting their lip or sticking out their tongue in concentration, his feelings only growing ten-fold and becoming stronger because it’s just so incredibly endearing that his darling has something they love enough to be this devoted.

They get this ethereal glow about them and Kotarou genuinely can’t take his eyes off of them when they’re in that mode.

And so instead of listening to their instructions, he finds himself drifting into fantasies of them finally getting that glow and radiance when thinking about him. It’s what fuels him, what gives him energy.

He just wants his darling to adore him in the way that he adores them.

Nurturing

If his darling is anything, they have to be supportive.

Poor Kotarou is in constant need of reassurance, and his darling has to be willing to put up with that. They have to be willing to deal with the emotional labor of constantly praising him, of telling him wonderfully talented he is, how funny, how charming, how handsome, any and all compliments they can think of.

Their kind words go straight to his heart, making his body feel fuzzy and warm, an unstoppable grin stretches across his face and his words excited as he asks them really? Are you sure?

He’s overwhelmed by the idea of his darling thinking such thoughts about him - they think he’s strong? They think he’s talented? They think he’s amazing?

Needless to say, a few simple words of praise from his darling are enough to get Kotarou’s entire mood shifting, his metaphoric feathers ruffling and a pleasant, gooey feeling in his heart making him feel lighter than air because oh, they think he’s attractive and fun to be around?

He loves how easily they’re able to make him feel good about himself, and he can only hope to return the favor.

As a result, he’ll compliment his darling often, completely out of the blue and about odd, but strangely endearing things. He just wants them to feel how good they make him feel, and he’ll do anything to get them there. 

Competitive

While his darling needs to be someone capable of spilling praise at a moment’s notice, Kotarou also finds himself attracted to those who has a healthy sense of competition in life.

As a professional athlete, he takes competition very seriously, and is also the type to find that a bit of competition is the perfect thing to spice up a relationship. He loves the idea of having a friendly rivalry with his darling – perhaps at something entirely stupid, like mini-golf or slugbugging or something equally childish.

Regardless, he likes the idea of his darling and him being playful together, of having someone he can establish that teasing rapport with. Besides, while he can sometimes be a bit of an emotional wreck, Kotarou finds emotional intelligence extremely attractive.

Thus, having a partner that’s capable of gracefully winning and losing is wildly attractive to him – they’re able to regulate themselves and put others’ thoughts and feelings into perspective.

He cares too much about other people to have a darling with little to no awareness of others’ feelings, and to have a darling that manages to merge in this awareness alongside a healthy appetite for competition and teasing?

Well, Kotarou finds himself falling hard and fast, loving the idea of a darling who’s so mature yet so wonderfully immature – perfect for someone like him.

(And, though he isn’t consciously thinking about it, perfect for a mother – he won’t explicitly bring up the topic of marriage and children, but he enters every relationship with the thought in mind, always hopeful that perhaps he’s finally found the right woman. And lucky him, he has – his wonderful, wonderful darling.)

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Clingy

He’s naturally quite affectionate with those around him, for better or worse. He’s always looking for someone to talk to, hang out with, goof around with, and once his feelings for you form, so lovely and horrible and overwhelming, this trait is only amplified.

It only increases monumentally with the absolute need to constantly be around you, to have your attention solely on him because god, seeing your pretty eyes focused on him makes his heart race so fast he thinks he’s dying.

He wants you to be looking at him at all times, thinking about him every minute of the day, be craving him as much as he craves you. He wants you to daydream about him smiling at you, making you bite your lip and stare at the ground while you fight back a flustered, school-girl-esque grin because god, isn’t he just so dreamy?

He wants you to be fantasizing about hugging him, feeling his strong, muscular arms wrapped around your body while he nuzzles into your neck, whispering your name in a hoarse voice that gets you shivering and nudging your thighs together because fuck, how can anyone sound that good?

Honestly, the idea of you thinking of him is enough to have him grinning with his eyes squeezed shut, a slight flush on his cheeks as he pumps his fist and lets out a victorious laugh.

(There have been quite a few instances of you patting him on the back, albeit awkwardly, to which he responded with a resounding hey, hey, hey! that sounded much too close to a moan and raised his fist to the sky – you’ve never understood why his voice gets all high and shaky like that, but somehow it seems you’d rather not know the answer.)

He thrives on your physical touch, your sweet words and glossy eyes staying fixed on him, and you’ll quickly notice how Koutarou always seems to just be around, how those golden eyes never really seem to leave, his gray and black hair standing out in your peripheral, followed shortly by a cheerful yell of your name and a bone crushing hug that makes you wheeze and shiver as you realize there’s something pressing into your thigh, oh god why is he hard and nuzzling his face into your neck and is he sighing?

It’s almost flattering at first – not expected, but sweet that he seems to feel so close to you, until it’s happening every day, every time he sees you – he’s always hugging you, holding your hand, ruffling your hair, calling you so cute, isn’t she Akaashi? Makes me wanna eat her right up!

It’s endearing and you’ll be flattered that a famous, attractive professional athlete is so obviously interested in you, but it becomes less and less endearing as time passes. It becomes less cute when he’s making some offhand comment about how you must’ve changed your shampoo – he distinctly remembers your hair smelling like strawberries, and now it has more of a lavender scent; but don’t worry, you smell great either way, cutie!

It becomes less flattering as he tells you while you’re being forced to sit in his lap as the team puts up the volleyball nets that you seemed like you were hesitant to come to practice with me today – is there something I don’t know about? Are you seeing someone else? What aren’t you telling me? It’s not nice to keep secrets from boyfriends, you know.

Quickly you’ll come to realize that Kotarou’s level of dependence on you is completely unwarranted for how close your relationship really is, but there isn’t much you can say to change this fact – he’s clingy, he needs your affection and attention, and when you ask Akaashi or Atsumu about it, about why he seems so needy and so obsessed with you, they’ll both write it off as Bokuto and his fleeting feelings, just his childish nature at work.

And when you try to confront him about it, to tell him that you’re uncomfortable with him suddenly springing up on you from behind, pinning you against a desk with his body looming over you while he inhales deeply and whispers about how pretty you look in your new skirt, he’ll just frown, pouting down at you while he whines about how he isn’t trying to be weird, that he just wants to show you how much he cares, how much he loves you.

He’ll only lean more weight on you, hug you tighter and whisper about how he knows you want this just as bad as he does, that it’s only normal for boyfriends to want to touch their girlfriends, to want to spend time with them and hear their compliments and care for each other.

It’s natural, he explains, to be always by your side, for you to never leave his field of vision – which is why you’ll find yourself coming to most MSBY practices and games decked out in the #12 spare jersey he not so subtly demanded you wear (that still very much has the fresh scent of a recent workout in it – something about pheromones and marking you, Kotarou had explained, with words too quick and slurred for you to really understand).

You’ll find yourself spending most of your meals either by his side or in his lap (trying to ignore the way a certain hardness presses against your ass if you move too much, if you’re squirmin’ so much cutiepie, you okay?).

You’ll be walked home everyday from your job and convinced to spend the evening with him, though he spends more time staring at you than watching the movie you’d thrown on.

And really, you can tell yourself every day that you’ll finally stand up to him, that you’ll finally end this bizarre, possessive behavior coming from a man you aren’t even dating, but each time you bring it up, those soft golden eyes will have you feeling like you’re kicking a puppy, his entire aura being shut down in a heartbeat at your stuttered I-I think we need to take some time apart…

Kotarou isn’t doing it on purpose, but you’ll be extremely hard pressed to ever really change the way he acts around you – it makes you feel too guilty, like you’re spinning the situation into so much more than it really is.

So, when you bite your lip and shake your head, giving him a shaky smile and telling him that you changed your mind, he’s beaming and letting out a cheer and scooping you into his arms to swing you around in circles, despite your demands that you must be too heavy to carry, that he’s making such a scene and the entire restaurant is staring and god, he just loves you so much, he knew you were meant for him and your acceptance only proves this!

It’s not so big a deal, right? Kotarou is mostly harmless, doesn’t mean anything weird by his touchiness, his desperation to be with you, right? It’s just a short term thing, soon his attention will move on, right?

Possessive

Kotarou, while incredibly empathetic and intuitive to other peoples’ emotions, does not handle his own especially well.

He’s terrible at stopping himself from having extreme highs and lows over the pettiest things, and this doesn’t stop at just volleyball, at just his normal life – no, his love for you is most definitely affected by this as well. Namely, in the form of jealousy; he’s a firm believer in faithfulness and loyalty, in the idea that you have one and only one partner, that they should be enough for you and that other men and women are essentially just background noise for the real one, the one that makes your heart race, your palms sweat and a lovely sort of nervousness to grow in the pit of your stomach.

He’s always believed in this, and once his infatuation with you forms, this philosophy most certainly doesn’t change; if anything, he clings onto the idea with frantic fingers, clutching at the concept of you looking at no one else for any reason whatsoever.

He’s plagued with the fear that someone will try and interfere with your relationship, that someone will come along and try and tear the two of you apart – he’s terrified of losing you, of losing who he genuinely believes to be his true love to some other man, to some other loser who decided you were pretty and would be a fun catch.

Kotarou is self-aware enough to know that he isn’t the ideal man, that you likely don’t love his mood swings, his habits of switching emotions quicker than you can likely keep up. He knows this, which is why it makes it so much more painful when that coworker of yours starts talking to you more, looking at you with such light and happy eyes, staring at you with what Kotarou is absolutely sure is a blush on his cheeks, when he’s leaning in way too much.

His possessiveness flares up especially in his sadder moments – when he’s already spiraling into a fit of self-doubt, it’s easy to read too far into any situation in which your gaze flickers over to another guy, easy to over examine the way you quickly apologize after bumping into a player on the opposite team in the hallway.

It’s so fucking easy to feel like his place as your rightful partner, as your lover and boyfriend and future husband is being threatened when he sees literally anyone approach you – because really, Kotarou can’t help but wonder if you’d like them more, if maybe you’re only nice to him and letting him hug you, compliment you, and everything else because you feel sorry for him, because you’re pitying him.

And it’s those thoughts that drive him to march up to you and pull you into his chest, to press your ear against his heart while he buries his face in your hair, tears streaming down his cheeks as he asks in a whisper if he’s still enough, if you’ve found someone else, if you even really love him.

And really, as disarming and disorienting as it is, there’s some part of you that will feel bad for him, that will want to comfort this man so obviously in need of praise, so obviously in need of someone to tell him that yes, he’s enough, yes you love him and you’ll always love him.

Even if it’s not true – even if it’s just something you’re saying out of a misplaced sense of guilt, even if it’s something you’ll find yourself horribly regretting the deeper into delusion Kotarou sinks. And so, as you promise that you do in fact want him, that you need him as badly as he needs you and that you’ll never, ever leave him, Kotarou slowly begins to relax, melting into your arms and trying to calm his ragged breaths, the racing of his heart, the tears flowing down his cheeks.

It’s difficult, but as he pulls back and sees your confused, beautiful fucking face, a small smile makes its way onto his lips, the knowledge that you’ll never leave him ringing in his head. Because really, how could he ever ask for anything more?

All he needs is you you you, and now that you’ve promised him, he’ll hold you to it. And when you’re trapped by his side some time later, those strong arms wrapped suffocatingly tight around your waist and his grin big and dopey and scary as he promises to never, ever let you leave his side, you’ll really only have yourself to blame. Because really, while Kotarou’s jealousy manifests mostly as self-deprication and an increased need for your reassurance and praise, ultimately you’ll be the one to push forward his dependence on you.

You’re the one telling him that he’s wonderful, that you’re not interested in any other men, that he’s every girl’s dream. It’s small things that slowly build up, feeding into Kotarou’s delusions until he’s too far gone to really even listen to you anymore; picking and choosing what he wants to hear from you, twisting your words into some grand declaration of love that gets him smiling like a fool, crushing you into his arms and leaving your lips bruised with the ferocity of his kisses.

You’re just so perfect, huh?

Delusional

But in an extremely specific way – on his own, Kotarou isn’t a particularly delusional man. He’s tied to his beliefs, yes, but he’s grounded and lucid enough to understand the importance of seeing multiple perspectives, of listening to others, of staying in touch with reality and not letting himself get too carried away.

And this is still true in the beginnings of his obsession – he knows that you’re just friends, that you have a budding friendship that he’d like to progress into something more, something deeper and more romantic in its origin. And he’s strict about this for a long time – going to Akaashi for dating advice or asking the ever-grumpy Sakusa how he thinks Kotarou should approach you.

(Akaashi gives much, much more insightful advice than his teammate, of course – telling Kotarou to take things slow and listen to what you want, to let you guide the pace and direction of the relationship. Sakusa merely scoffs and tells him to stop being loud and irritating, and you might have a shot.)

And Kotarou sticks to this advice well in the beginning – establishing a positive connection with you and letting you get comfortable, your friendship blossoming and growing into one that you can foresee being one of your most cherished.

But then elements of his infatuation begin developing, and suddenly that advice gets a bit warped, his understanding of your intentions slowly crumbling away because of one critical, crucial factor: Kotarou grows an incredibly strong sense of attachment towards you.

He’s already quite physically touchy and needy as it is, but as his obsession with you progresses, this dependency morphs into not only the more tactile side of things, but his mental state as well. He quickly grows to absolutely need you in every sense of the word; you’re something that keeps him tethered, grounded. Your love and attention is something that he needs in order to survive, in order to wake up everyday and get himself out of bed because he knows that he’ll get to see you today, to hug you and touch you and maybe even kiss you if he can catch you off guard enough.

Within the span of a few months after he recognizes that his feelings for you are more romantic than platonic, Koutarou’s entire mental health and wellbeing revolves around you and the attention you give him.

The advice of his friends still rings through his head, but he instead begins interpreting your actions as you wanting to foster this dependency of his. He thinks that you’re aware of his brewing feelings, and that you feel the same way – surely that’s what you mean when you always praise him, right? His every action comes back to you; he hits a spike in a match he got you exclusive, front-row player’s box seats for?

Well, he’s immediately peering up into the stands, golden eyes frantically searching for you, and once he spots you he’s waving like a madman, blowing obnoxious kisses at you, proudly exclaiming that was for you babe! And he’ll keep going until you acknowledge him, until you give him a thumbs up and a toothy smile, until you yell back that you’re so proud of you, Ko!

(Of course, the phrasing of ‘babe’ is a bit suspect, but you’ll blame it on mishearing him in the loud, packing stadium.)

When he tries out a new recipe for a particular dish he knows you love, he’s eager to call you, begging you to drop whatever it is you’re doing and swing by his apartment to try because he really, really needs you to say you like it.

(He’ll be watching with rapt attention as you hover the fork to your lips, practically not breathing as he watches you chew and swallow, his palms so sweaty and clammy that he nearly drops the pan in excitement when you compliment the food. Don’t pay attention to the way he gulps loud enough for you to hear, nor the way he grabs you by the waist and spins you around, laughing that booming laugh of his and seeming much too joyous for a simple well-cooked meal.)

Everything comes back to the basic principal that Koutarou just wants desperately to impress you – he thrives on your praise, seeing you proud of him and happy to call him yours, and he’s leaping at each and every possible chance to achieve that, to make you laugh and wrap your arms around him, to whisper into his ear that you’re so proud baby, I know you worked so hard, now what’dya say we go home and I reward you for all that hard work, just how you like it?

He’s committed to being your dream partner, to being someone you can proudly call your own, and he quite literally needs you praise and validation in every aspect of his life to solidify his delusions about the way you feel for him – your opinion is something he values over his own life, your presence something he genuinely believes he can’t live without, and so to have you by his side constantly, always smiling at him and making him feel so giddy and happy is something that Kotarou really honestly needs.

The bottom line is that his entire emotional and mental state rests firmly upon your shoulders, firmly upon your reactions to the things he does for you – so keep that in mind as he rushes up to you with the excitement and energy of a puppy, ranting and raving about how he managed to hit one of Atsumu’s new kinds of tosses or block one of Hinata’s best spikes.

Keep it in mind as he presses you flush against his body, his face buried into your neck, his audible inhale and whimper that vibrates against your skin making a shiver shoot up your spine in anything but pleasure. Keep in mind that now it’s your responsibility to keep Kotarou happy, that your job is essentially to make sure that he stays at least somewhat stable.

(With the pressure coming from the entire management staff of the MSBY team, who’ve realized that Kotarou has a bit of a massive crush on you – you, who isn’t doing the best financially, who could very much not survive a class-action lawsuit for ruining one of their star players.)

And once he’s stolen away, it’s your responsibility to keep him happy so that he keeps leaving the apartment, leaving you, making sure that you have enough food and water to survive, so that his depressive episodes don’t cost you your life.

So really, have fun; because eventually the emotional toll will hit you, but don’t worry because Kotarou will be right there to help pick you up again.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Because his jealous streak is really quite strong, Koutarou has a tendency to misinterpret nearly every single interaction you have with a member of the opposite sex.

He’s automatically assuming that everyone is interested in you, that everyone wants to date you and make you smile and kiss you and fuck you, all of which are things that only he should be allowed to do. He’s jumping to conclusions before things really even happen, sure that you’ll somehow be manipulated into leaving him, into leaving the happy, loving relationship you share with him.

It’s a fear that permeates his every moment when he’s away from you (something that is admittedly quite rare, but still), that seeps into the back of his mind no matter how hard he tries to convince himself that you love him, that you’d never cheat on him or trade him in for someone better.

 Of course, he trusts you enough to not immediately act upon his jealousy when he notices another man in your vicinity. Rather, he’ll start demanding your attention even more, trying to keep you physically turned away from the stranger and keep your eyes focused only on Kotarou, because if you can’t see the man, the man can’t see you, right?

It’s poor logic, and Kotarou panics the entire time he tries to stall, only able to imagine the way you’d look by this new man’s side.

And at the end of the day, that’s really it – Kotarou knows that he’s not perfect. You, with your lovely figure, beautiful face, wonderful personality, and many talents, could really get any guy of your choice. So why would you want him?

He seems confident, like he has no doubts about himself and his abilities, and for the most part he doesn’t, but there’s just something about you that makes him constantly reanalyze himself, that makes him wonder if he’s really enough, if he could ever really be enough for someone as perfect as you.

Sure he’s athletic, friendly, handsome, kind, but he’s not the number one hitter in the league, not the brightest, not the most charming, not the best looking or most mysterious or funniest or any number of other things that you might find more attractive.

And as time passes this eats away at Kotarou’s mind, driving him insane the longer it occupies the back of his thoughts because he just can’t shake the image of you in another man’s arms, laughing and kissing them and just being so fucking happy without him.

He’s dependent on you to an unhealthy degree, absolutely fixated on the idea of needing you in his life, and so Kotarou doesn’t really hold back in terms of trying to control his jealousy – he knows he needs to step in before you even get the chance to be lulled in by some other man. He needs to interfere before he loses you forever, and while he knows you’re probably embarrassed by how he barges in anytime you talk to someone else, Kotarou doesn’t let it hold him back.

Nothing can hold him back in the face of something as terrifying as losing you.

You’d never pegged Kotarou as one for video games, but when he’d dragged you to the new arcade that opened up a few blocks from his house, he practically seemed like a child in a toystore.

With his hand wrapped tightly around yours, he’d led you through row after row of game machines, golden eyes wide as he pointed to each and every one, promising you that he’d beat this one in two tries, or that one with his eyes closed. It’d been endearing in a way, watching how excited he’d gotten, before he dragged you over to a game in the far corner with especially bright lights and all sorts of noises coming from it.

He’d challenged you, telling you with a booming laugh that he’d bet you couldn’t beat him, a challenge you eagerly accepted. And really, while he’d been mildly embarrassed to sheepishly admit he’d run out of quarters after his fifth try through the game, it didn’t stop him from practically sprinting up to the ticketing counter, digging in his wallet for the largest dollar bill he had on hand to trade in. Leaving you alone at the game, biting your lip and reading over all the cartoon-style text decorating the game’s exterior.

You were so engrossed in the game’s appearance that you didn’t hear the blond man’s calls to you, shy little excuse me’s falling on deaf ears. Soon a tapping at your shoulder tapped you out of your reverie, spinning around to come face to face with a man you’d never seen before. Sandy blond hair and thick rimmed glasses sitting atop a rather brightly colored dress shirt and dark jeans.

Do you know how to play? Even his voice seemed timid, and while you were a bit shocked at his question, you’d only smiled and said no, hoping the man would drop some hints on ways to beat Kotarou – hearing his boasting was worse than hearing his moping, after all.

The man seemed relieved, moving forward to restart the game and talking you through the level, telling you tips on when to jump, which treasure chests were worth more, tricks on how to move the toggle piece, even telling you that the game would sometimes glitch and delete off ten seconds to your total time if you moved just right.

You’d thanked him profusely, excitement brewing in your chest at the thought of how you would crush Kotarou, but the sudden feeling of being watched washed over you and left you stiffening up, no longer paying attention to the stranger’s words.

In less than a moment, you were suddenly pushed from behind, spun around so that your back was pressed against the arcade wall, the breath knocked out of your lungs and Kotarou’s face – fit with a scowl – filling up your entire view.

Your surprised yelp was cut off by him suddenly lunging forward, his lips settling onto yours hard enough to make you flinch a bit. He kissed you roughly, loudly, the sound of wet smacking filling your ears and surely the stranger’s, if his facial expression was anything to go by. With red cheeks and a shocked look spread across his features, the man was quick to stutter an apology and speed off, trying to avoid the sight of Kotarou pressing you tighter against the wall and the sound of his groans and grunts.

As soon as the man was out of sight, Kotarou pulled back, licking his lips and looking at you with something akin to hunger swirling in those golden eyes.

Who was that?

Is all he got out, hands still firmly placed at your waist.

Your shock barred you from answering right away, before a resounding smack rung through his ears, the mild pain of your slap to his chest leaving him winded, the pleasant sensation of you touching him numbing out some of the hot, angry envy in his veins.

What the hell was that, Kotarou? You practically yell at him, the sound drowned out by the ringing of a few games nearby.

Kotarou only sighs, squeezing your sides and fixing you with an unblinking stare.

That man was bothering you, couldn’t he see you were here with me?

At your bewildered look, he merely laughed, one hand coming up to teasingly ruffle your hair. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure he’ll leave us alone for the rest of the day. Now c’mon, I got more quarters – watch me win!

And just like that, he seemed to have forgotten all about the rather heated, intimate moment he’d instigated – all smiles and laughter and taunts for the rest of the day as you shakily and wearily settled by his side, trying to rationalize that perhaps it looked different to an outsider.

Perhaps Kotarou thought the man was bothering you, and was worried he’d only get the hint through extreme measures. And he’s always been a bit extreme and exaggerated, surely he meant nothing by the kiss – even if it had been rather graphic, even if he’d been practically moaning at just the taste of you.

That must be it, you decide, as Kotarou whines and pouts about losing the level once more, begging you to give him just one more try. The small, half-hearted smile you give him is enough permission for him, and just that look settles the raging jealousy in his heart.

You were looking at him again, just as you should be – him and him only.

(And later that night, that’s what’s falling past his lips in a mantra as he vividly remembers the feel of your body in his hands, your lips pressed against his own, the smell of you clouding his every breath.)

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Kotarou’s infatuation with you is, in most ways, strange.

He’s utterly obsessed, of course – his every waking moment is either revolving around volleyball or you, often times mixing and jumbling up so that he’s imagining all sorts of things that get him grinning like a fool, his cheeks bright red and his breathing too heavy to be considered normal.

(Things like seeing you wear his jersey, for example, or having you toss him a ball that he smacks so hard it hurts, seeing your impressed and flustered expression as he teases you about how strong he is. The kind of thing that makes his chest swell with pride, that makes him bite his lip and clutch at his covers late at night when he’s dreaming and wanting and needing you.)

His feelings for you carelessly breach any sort of trust or boundaries between the two of you, and for the most part Kotarou doesn’t see an issue with this.

Of course you probably don’t like when he checks the tracker he’d installed into your phone, but it’s just for safety and he’s sure you’ll eventually understand! It’s unsafe to let someone like you travel around alone at night (or in the day, or in crowded streets or public parks or even in the safety of your own home-).

He’s just taking an extra precaution to make sure someone’s got an eye on you – he’d be more than happy to install a tracker into his phone for you to keep tabs on his location too, if you’d like. (And oh, he wishes you’d like that.)

You’re probably not the biggest fan of when he wraps an arm around you in public, beaming and planting a wet, long kiss against your temple as he greets you, walking to your favorite coffee shop with his arm still wrapped around you, migrating down to your waist and making walking uncomfortable while he prattles on and on about his latest training regiment.

(And sure, maybe he’s exaggerating just a hair about how much he can bench press, or how fast his serves are, but those golden eyes of his are constantly scanning your expressions, looking for even the slightest hint of awe, analyzing any signs that you’re impressed with his physical prowess, his dedication. Impressed by him, really.)

And so really, Kotarou breaks every physical and intangible barrier and wall that you have down, slowly and bit by bit until you’re so desensitized to his antics and his behavior towards you that you stop questioning it. You’re not exactly supportive of the possessive, overly clingy way he treats you, but it’s just Kotarou, so really how harmful can it be? He’s just a silly, overgrown puppy of a man, and why should you ever be afraid of him?

And Kotarou’s feelings towards your living situation reflect this sentiment – that is, he absolutely does not want to kidnap you.

Not only does he find the term entirely unapplicable to your situation if he were to steal you away (because he’s convinced that on some core level you’d actually be pleased, like you want him to whisk you away and keep you wrapped up in his apartment as his little housewife), but it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth to imagine keeping you cooped up in one place all the time.

He loves to be out with you, to take you to markets and restaurants and movies and all sorts of other things – he likes having you out in public. It stresses him out a bit, yes, constantly being vigilant and aware of any man that tries to approach you, but by and large he finds that he enjoys your company most and enjoys showing you off most when you’re not all alone at home.

That isn’t to say that he dislikes cozy movie nights spent on his couch with now-cold takeout sprawled across the table, but there’s just something special about seeing you laugh so hard you cry because of him in a busy, sunny street café where everyone can see just how entertained you are by him.

(Those cozier evenings are of course favorites of him, though, because he gets to see a more intimate side of you – when you get sleepy and your eyes start drooping, he has to physically hold himself back from cooing and squishing your cheeks. And especially when you fall asleep on his shoulder or shift just right so that he worm his way into your arms, noticing how your flimsy sleeping shorts ride up just a hair to expose the lower curve of your ass, his mouth is left watering and his own shorts feel uncomfortably tight – something he'd be absolutely crazy to dislike.)

And so, Kotarou will hold off for as long as possible on stealing you away, just for the selfish reason of being able to drag you to all his games, to pretty dates (that you aren’t aware are dates, of course, but that’s just a technicality), to keep you happy and excited and free by his side.

But if things were to go south and you started to really critically analyze his behavior and decide that you don’t want to remain in his life?

Well, Kotarou has never quite felt panic like when you swing by his apartment one last time to announce that you’re moving away. He’s never quite felt a level of dismay like when you tell him you’ll be blocking his number because he’s made you uncomfortable, or when you tell him you’ll be crashing at a male friend’s place.

And really, that last portion is the kicker – it sends Kotarou’s mind spiraling, panic engulfing him and leading him to grab you, his hands shaking as he holds you, eyes flashing as he drags you to his bedroom, holding you down on the bed and using a spare t-shirt to tie up your wrists and ankles.

He’s never known fear like this before, and as he stares down at you – writhing, looking at him with tears in your eyes, looking at him –

He’s never quite known excitement like this before, either.

As a captor, Kotarou isn’t terrible – with one glaring exception: he’s needy. You’ve known this for as long as you’ve known him, but once you’re trapped in his home this is only amplified, the clinginess getting worse and worse because you have no way to dissuade his touchiness, no way to distract him away with outside people and activities.

No, now it’s strictly you and him – which is heaven for Kotarou, exactly what he’s been fantasizing about come to life.

Unfortunately for you, this means excessive time spent together and a lot of physical contact. Though his delusions aren’t quite deep enough to fully mask the fact that you’re unhappy, Kotarou is able to chalk up your lack of enthusiasm for things you did pre-kidnapping as you simply being moody, shy, womanly.

It’s infuriating how much he blames your behavior on your hormones and menstrual cycle.

He’s practically impossible to deal with once your period begins, his touches soft and gentle and nearly scared, treating you like you’re some breakable, delicate piece of treasure that can’t do anything on your own.

He’ll cook meals for you, then promptly bring the chopsticks up to your mouth and say ahh, smiling like a fool as he guides the ramen past your lips, nodding enthusiastically when you chew.

He’ll hold your hand and help you walk around the apartment, big eyes wide and worried when you near any corners, terrified that you’ll somehow hurt yourself because you’re distracted with cramp pain or simply having brain fog. And really, it would be endearing how earnestly he’s trying to make you comfortable and provide for you during your time of the month, but there’s something truly humiliating about the level of disregard he feels for your complaints, simply smiling lopsidedly at you and telling you don’t worry, I’ll make it all better! I’ve got some of that chocolate you like, you want some? I can heat up your heating pad too, and we can watch some old reruns of my games – you’d like that, right? You like watching me play, yeah?

And really, that’s the main thing with Kotarou – the level of care and attention he both gives to you and demands from you is incredibly draining.

The constant feeling of walking on eggshells around him is enough to have your mind running in circles, constantly worried that you’ll say the wrong thing about his personality or his actions and have him moping, convinced that you’re just being mean because you’re disappointed in him, that you’re just playing hard to get because he hasn’t been treating you like you deserve. And so how does he respond to this?

By giving you more attention, swamping you with questions and touches and all sorts of things for the two of you to do together. He’s always forcing you onto the couch to try out a new video game Akinori mentioned when he last ran into him, or watching a scary movie and clutching onto you for dear life at every jump scare.

(He thinks it’s romantic, but the slight bruising left on your thighs and sides from his very, very tight grip are less sweet.)

He’s just generally so very out of touch with how you’re feeling that it’s infuriating – but you have to be careful, because everything you do and say will only cause him to grasp onto you tighter, clutching onto you with more strength than you can handle because his entire mental wellbeing is still resting firmly on your shoulders. He forces you to sleep in bed beside him, waking up to you tangled in his arms every morning, starting his day off right and making it slightly easier to leave you for early morning trainings.

(He has to wake up with you every morning or else he feels like something’s off, his performance severely lacking and the only thing that can fix it being excessive affection from you – something a bit difficult to come by.)

He forces you to share meals with him because it gives him a reason to unabashedly stare at you (though he does this anyway, frequently) and watch as you eat the food he provided you. He has to be the sole one cooking or buying you take out, because it feeds the narrative he’s crafted in his head that he’s your provider, that he’s taking care of you, that he’s being a good male partner and spoiling his perfect little wife.

(Of course, you may not be married yet, but to Kotarou it’s just a matter of time – you’re already entwined in every possible way, living together and spending every waking moment together, so why bother with formal ceremonies and official titles when he can just buy a diamond and slip onto your finger with a toothy grin and a much too long and much too detailed declaration of his love? Of course, if you want the ceremony he’d be more than willing to give it to you, but he’s content with the knowledge that you’re his and his alone already.)

So really, if you can handle his hands constantly being on you, his lips always pressed against your skin, his voice always ringing in your ears, and his presence always a looming shadow over you demanding your praise and attention and time, Kotarou isn’t terrible.

There’s shades of genuine love in how he treats you – the gentleness in his touches, the tenderness of his compliments, the way he’ll moan into your ear the most adoring, utterly pathetic things as he settles himself between your legs.

There’s evidence that he truly loves you in some horrible, twisted way, but it all just feels like too much. Too forceful, too desperate, too passionate, too him.

But no amount of trying to get through to him will ever change the way he treats you, or ever persuade him into loosing the metaphorical lease he keeps you on – you’re his, and no matter how hard you try Kotarou will always firmly believe that fate has brought you together.

And isn’t that so romantic?

PUNISHMENTS:

In general, it’s rare for Kotarou to get genuinely angry at you.

Of course he has his highs and lows – he may be unwilling to seriously listen to your complaints or insults hurled at him, but he’s not inhuman. He still knows that you’re being mean – criticizing him and visibly displeased with him, and just that fact alone has his eyes drooping, guilt, self-pity and shame resting heavily on his shoulders.

His delusions about your feelings for him bar him from fully comprehending that your anger lies in the fact that he’s kidnapped you rather than not cuddling with you the night before, but he can still tell that something is amiss. He doesn’t like when you aren’t smiling and happy, when you’re bothered and troubled, when you aren’t acting like you used to, back before he relocated you to his apartment.

It’s upsetting, really, and it leaves Kotarou desperate to figure out how to get a grin back onto your lips, how to make you laugh, how to please you again. A lot of Kotarou’s anger and punishments stem from a place of insecurity and worry about your perception of him – he’s really quite sensitive, especially coming from someone he idolizes and reveres as much as you, and so his solutions to any sort of non-desirable behavior from you is to simply try harder.

It’s seemed to have worked in his career – hours upon hours upon hours spent lagging after practices to work on his spikes just a bit more, to serve just a few more balls, to get just a bit better.

And he applies this same principle with you – he’d rather pull his nails off one by one than physically hurt you or deny you of food and water or leave you all alone or any number of things he could do to force your codependency on him to become stronger.

And so, Kotarou wracks his brain for any and all possibilities on how to get you to like him more, on how to make you happy, on how to be a better boyfriend.

And frankly, it results in a much, much worse time for you.

If you thought Kotarou was clingy before you yelled at him for installing locks on his windows, then he’s downright glued to your side afterwards, his breath constantly fanning on your cheeks and his voice seemingly never ending as it rings over and over and over in your ears.

If you thought being in the same room as him was difficult before you slapped him across the face for giving your ass a playful squeeze, it’s nothing compared to how he plants more and more kisses onto your unwilling lips, leaving pretty dresses and lacy lingerie out on your (forcefully shared) bed for you, the way he starts piling on the compliments with such frequency and urgency that it nearly makes you sick.

Kotarou has always been a lot, truly, and once his feelings for you are thrown into the mix he becomes too much – and when you’re angry at him, ignoring him or hurling insults at him or denying his affection?

Well, the sadness quickly dissipates into fear, anxiety eating at every inch of his body because what if you hate him now?

You’re meant for one another, sure, but what if he’s messed it all up by not being enough for you?

It’s the stuff of nightmares, and in order to correct it he’ll instead become your nightmare.

You hear him before you see him – his keys jingle loudly in his pocket, the rhythmic noises of the padlock on the front door locking back up sounding too familiar now. You’re sitting at the dining table, staring down at the new book Kotarou had gifted you a week ago – you’ve read it twice already in that span of time, but as his footsteps approach the kitchen area, you resolve to read it once again.

His voice is loud as he calls your name, and you can hear the smile on his face as his footsteps quicken, his pace nearly turning to a run as he approaches you. His arms are around you before you can stop them, his words already pouring out as he starts telling you all about his day, rambling on about how Meian and Hinata had promised to take Kotarou out to a new bar later this week.

He’s still hugging you as he goes on to tell you that it’s supposed to be super good, I’ll have to let you know how it is! Maybe I can bring something home for you – I know your favorite’s always been –

Your mouth is moving before you can even really stop yourself, the words seeming to burst out without your control. Don’t tell me about all your plans in the outside world – not when I’m stuck here wasting away in this fucking apartment.

Your voice is low, uneven, and immediately Kotarou tenses, his eyebrows drawing together into a pout. What are you talking about? I just want to bring you a good drink and maybe we can watch that trashy rom-com you love and –

You cut him off again by harshly shaking off his arms from around you, moving your elbows out in an attempt to get him off of you.

Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to get me a drink! I don’t want you to do anything for me – you need to let me go, Kotarou. You can’t keep me stuck here forever! I should be out there getting a drink too, and going to the fucking store and seeing my friends and living my life! You’re – you’re a terrible person, and I hate you!

Your chest is heaving by the time you finish your spiel, having started off in that same low tone but eventually getting to a yell. He’d backed off of you, watching you with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, his mind racing and trying to understand what you could possibly mean.

Stuck here? What were you saying?

You were happy here – you always return his hugs and his kisses and let him pull you closer to his chest at night and laugh at his jokes and smile at him and say you love him to and and and –

He moves back towards you, going to wrap his arms around you again, but this time you stand up and scurry off to the other end of table and now Kotarou can see the way your eyes are glossy, how you’re on the verge of tears and your lip is trembling.

Leave me alone, I can’t stand you! Not after what you’ve done to me!

And with that, you turn tail and run off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind you. Behind the door your hands shake, the tears finally falling as you slide down the wood, landing in a sitting position and cursing Kotarou for not putting locks on the interior doors.

A fresh wave of tears falls down your cheeks as you realize you can’t even use the toilet in peace, not without the constant, lingering threat of him watching you. It’s too much, and soon your head is in your hands, sobs wracking your body.

 Meanwhile, Kotarou is still standing frozen, his heart and mind racing because you’re obviously upset. He doesn’t know why you’re overreacting like this, but the image of you with tears in your eyes pulls at his heartstrings, prompting him to rush and grab his car keys once more, flying out the front door and practically speeding to the nearest store, his grocery cart full.

He’s home roughly twenty minutes later, tears already pooling in his own eyes because the more he’s thought about the state you’re in the more he comes to the conclusion that it’s his fault, that he must’ve made you angry or sad and now he has to fix it.

He has to show you that you don’t hate him – you’re just having a rough day, that’s all. You’re just sad that he’s been gone all day and hasn’t been home to give you the proper love and care that you deserve. His fingers grip the steering wheel tightly even to leave his knuckles white, his teeth grinding and gritting together as he presses down on the gas gauge just a hair harder, desperation and guilt weighing heavily in his chest because god, he hates seeing you so upset.

And as he races back up to the apartment with all the groceries in his arms, he’s quick to wrap his fist against the bathroom door, asking in a breathless voice if you’re okay or if you’re hurt.

You’re still quietly crying, sniffling heavily and trying to ignore him as he knocks again. He knows he could bust the door open, easily overpowering you and giving him direct access to you, but the hurt look in your eyes flashes through his mind again and he decides against it. No, he needs to prove that he’s good enough at reading you and figuring out what you need – he needs to prove himself to you, to make you like him again.

He calls your name through the door again, before resting his forehead against the wood and wincing. I’m sorry for whatever I did, baby, I promise I didn’t mean it!

 He hears you scoff at that, and bites his lip.

You know me, sometimes I just get carried away! I never meant to make you upset, you’ve got to know that. He pauses, shifting around the bags in his arms. You mean so much to me, I love you. I love you more than I think I should, but it’s okay! I’ll be better for you, I promise. I’ll be a better boyfriend and I’ll make you happy. Just – you just have to let me try, okay? Please baby, let me try.

It’s silent for a moment, and Kotarou’s chest feels tight.

Please, he tries one last time.

And although you know you shouldn’t and that you’ll regret it, some small part of you almost feels bad as you hear him sniffle through the wood, the sound of him crying obvious. You bite your lip, a small voice in the back of your head quietly wondering if you should believe him.

After all, does he really make you that unhappy? He’s always so eager and pathetically excited when you smile at him, and is it really so bad to have someone give you all their attention and time? You’re ashamed to admit some part of you almost likes it, and soon your body is moving before you can stop it.

The door opens and Kotarou’s heart is in his throat, the sight of you with red, puffy eyes and your lip caught between your teeth making something between a sigh of relief and a whimper slip from him.

The multitude of bags precariously balanced in his arms immediately have your eyes widening, the names of your favorite snacks peeking through the sacks and making that same pang in your heart twist again, the knowledge that he went out and bought all of this for you just because you were sad forcing you to take a step forward.

You don’t say anything, and Kotarou stares at you with wide eyes, a wild sort of look overtaking his parted lips and pink cheeks, and when you mumble something small, he has to physically strain himself to hear you.

You repeat your favorite drink, swallowed harshly and struggling to make eye contact with him. He mouths it back to himself, before slowly, shyly, smiling down at you.

You won’t regret, I promise! He laughs, the sound relieved, dropping all of the shopping bags on the ground and immediately scooping you into his arms, hugging you so tightly you nearly can’t breath, all the while that familiar, chiming laughter fills your ears.

I love you, I love you, I love you he repeats into your ear, keeping you close and occasionally squeezing tighter.

And even as something crumbles up inside you, you find yourself wrapping your arms around him too, shoving your face against his chest and nodding, your words muffled as you murmur the smallest  I love you, too back.

And Kotarou can only beam down at you, repeating the phrase over and over until all the words start slurring together, until all you can do is slowly relax into the warmth of his arms, into the feeling of someone completely and utterly loving you.

OVERALL DANGER:

6/10

Kotarou is less dangerous and honestly more pathetic than anything else.

He’s a fully grown man who’s desperate for someone to love, whose desperation becomes so deeply ingrained in his feelings towards you that he clutches onto you and never lets go.

Reading into your feelings festers delusions about how you feel towards him, feeding him pretty lies about how you really feel and what your actions really mean.

He builds a relationship between the two of you in his head, growing closer and more intimate with you than socially acceptable for a friendship, becoming more and more dependent on you and the praise you so willingly give him.

It’s heaven, really, and it leaves Kotarou blinded to the ugly side of his obsession.

He’s clingy and overly possessive, always touching you and calling you his and making sure that everyone sees the two of you together – that everyone knows that you’re his woman and he’s your man.

He wants to make sure that your relationship – fake or not – is idyllic, that you’re so happy with him that you could never even dream of wanting another man, never even entertain the notion of needing anyone else because Kotarou is everything you could ever want.

And while he won’t explicitly acknowledge any behavior that clashes with the pretty image of you and your love that he’s crafted in his head, he’s not immune to your negative reception of his touches and his rather aggressive affection.

You’ll have to walk on eggshells around him, careful to keep him from falling deeply into a spiral that could lead to your own slow demise being trapped under his thumb.

It’s stressful, a lifestyle that’ll leave you haggard and spent, tired to the point where slowly it will stop feeling like an act to return his hugs, to compliment his muscles, to tell him that you missed him while he was away at work.

It will feel less and less like a lie, the words slipping off your tongue so easily that it’ll leave you scared.

Because really, while Kotarou is overbearing and quite honestly scary with the way he barrels forwards and takes whatever he wants from you, eventually you’ll find yourself less and less angry, and more and more complacent. It could be worse, couldn’t it?

You have a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, and food to eat.

And the man that holds you flush to his chest in said bed, pays the rent for said roof, and hand-selects only meals he knows you like can’t possibly be that bad, right?

After all, doesn’t it feel good to be needed?

[astrolovecosmos]

*Venus Natal Aspect Snippets*

*Sun can only semi-sextile, semi-square, or conjunct Venus. Moon Trine Venus: Likely very social, is open to new relationships, and is a cooperative individual. Can be highly creative, may be a little vain, and is likely very romantic. Can be overindulgent, may not be good at emotionally handling pressure or conflict, and can be driven to people pleasing tendencies due to their need for connection or a fear of loneliness. This aspect is known for being favorable in making close bonds or with romance.

Moon Opposite Venus: Might find themselves in relationships where they feel torn between wanting emotional closeness and needing personal space. Can lack confidence in themselves romantically or within relationships. Can struggle with dependency or co-dependency. Can be a sensitive, understanding, and welcoming person despite this aspect's challenges.

Moon Square Venus: May be hot and cold in their relationships. Can struggle with stability or balance in their relationships and emotional world. Can struggle with self-discipline or give into escapism often. May run away from conflict. Can be good at channeling their frustrations into art. Can be good at giving advice but tends to not follow their own wisdom.

Mercury Trine Venus: A great aspect for diplomacy, negotiation, and forming connections through meaningful conversations. Be careful of underestimating others, loose lips, and relying too much on persuasion. *venus can't oppose or square mercury in a natal chart

Venus Opposite Mars: Conflicting feelings, thoughts, and energies in your attraction and desires. Need to focus on what matters most to you in others and relationships.

Venus Square Mars: The friction between Mars's energy and Venus's harmony can result in romantic conflicts, impulsiveness, or difficulty finding balance between assertion and affection. Focus on what makes both you and your loved one's happy together.

Venus Trine Mars: This aspect often means chemistry and creativity in romantic and collaborative endeavors. Be careful of assuming others are on your level for love and passion until you know them more. Other's may also be intimidated or jealous of your confidence or self-acceptance.

Venus Opposite Jupiter: There might be a struggle between expansion and moderation. You could feel drawn toward indulgence, extravagance, or over-optimism, taking risks in relationships or security. But you may also equally fear taking big risks in your relationships. It's a challenge to balance pleasure with restraint.

Venus Square Jupiter: May have unrealistic expectations of their loved ones or relationships, things can get messy in their relationships FAST, doesn't know when to stop. Needs to be highly mindful of their desires and behavior. Expand with a plan.

Venus Trine Jupiter: Known to be a beneficial aspect for social interactions, attracting opportunities, and fostering good fortune in love and financial matters. A "good luck" type of placement in the chart. Be careful about being overly generous to where others take advantage of you. You may also have a foolhardy side in relationships somehow. Don't let things get to your head in relationships.

Venus Opposite Saturn: It can be difficult to express romantic feelings and accept love, gratitude, or generosity. Can easily feel lonely, isolated, or negative in their relationships. May need more reassurance than they are willing to admit.

Venus Square Saturn: May have challenges in establishing stability and commitment in relationships. Saturn's restraint and seriousness can clash with Venus's desire for warmth and affection. This square makes it hard to fulfill emotional needs in relationships. Expressing wants and needs more is vital.

Venus Trine Saturn: Encourages a realistic approach to love, with a focus on long-term goals and responsible choices. It's beneficial for building enduring relationships and finding structure in creative or financial pursuits. Not being honest with oneself and/or falling into being around those who do not share your values or goals can be a challenge.

Venus Opposite Uranus: Uranus is the planet of sudden changes, which can disrupt the harmony Venus seeks. Relationships might experience sudden upheavals, or you might feel restless and desire more freedom often. It's important to find lovers, friends, and family who support your need for space, learning, and/or change.

Venus Square Uranus: Emotional closeness can be hard. Always finds themselves falling in and out of love or fascination. Inner and outer stability vs. instability is a common battle that needs to be fought.

Venus Trine Uranus: This aspect often leads to unexpected yet positive developments in relationships. This aspect may bless someone with an unpredictable, exciting, and different kind of love life. Can promote a lot of independence as well. May struggle with their more predictable, traditional, or cautious loved ones. Could have a complicated relationship with open-mindedness and acceptance among their loved ones.

Venus Opposite Neptune: Reality and fantasy can clash and cause frustrations in your relationships. Be careful of putting others on pedestal.

Venus Square Neptune: May run into unrealistic expectations, deception, or disappointment in relationships. Being more realistic and grounded in your relationships may be needed.

Venus Trine Neptune: Creates a dreamy, romantic energy. It can enhance creativity, intuition, and empathy in relationships. It's an excellent aspect for artistic pursuits, spirituality, and finding beauty. This placement can still struggle with illusions and manipulation like many other Neptune placements.

Venus Opposite Pluto: There can be intense emotional power struggles in relationships. There can also be profound transformations or challenges in many of your relationships that lead to empowerment and self-mastery.

Venus Square Pluto: Associated with control, power dynamics, jealousy, and possessiveness in relationships. Needs to learn to manage their own intensity when it gets out of control or unhealthy. Or may need to learn how to listen to themselves more in relationships, follow their intuition/heart.

Venus Trine Pluto: Intense and passionate in their relationships but in a way that is magnetic, sexy, and maybe commanding. It's a great aspect for deepening intimacy and fostering meaningful growth in relationships. But those with this placement can become unchanging or controlling in their relationships too. Their attachments may usually be harmonious or loving but they can also be extremely strong.

[drdemonprince]

Not gonna lie it is quite emotionally dispiriting for a certain category of people online to treat me like i'm a flagrant covid denier who doesnt mask or care about disabled people simply because i'm like "oh hey, your grandmother who doesn't wear a mask is a victim of the same systemic forces as you." or "hey, profound social isolation takes a toll on people that impacts their health and their behavior and that must be included in our risk calculations and mitigation strategies whether we like it or not"

like. i mask. i test. i get vaccinated/boosted. i communicate risk factors to people. i plan outdoor events when i can. i fight to not have in person engagements at work tooth and nail and often at personal expense.

but even if i never did any of those things, i would not deserve to get sick and die, because there are no morally acceptable COVID deaths, no matter what choices a person makes or doesn't make, no matter which mitigations they do or fail to do.

one of my close friends just got fired because her boss said she was "taking covid too seriously." that's the kind of evil we are up against here. not like, your friend's friend going to a concert and forgeting his mask in his other jacket that one time. that guy's still doing better than 90% of americans by having a mask he carries around with him in his jacket. he's not some eugenicist demon. he's some guy living in really miserable and difficult circumstances who made a to-be-expected-sometimes human error. and your grandma who has been propagandized into believing that COVID isn't a big deal (while in actuality being quite high risk herself) is a victim not an evildoer.

way to win over more people to your cause guys. very public health minded of you to view anyone who doesn't perfectly meet your behavioral and ideological standards as an enemy. way to punish the behavior you want. it fucking sucks man.

[wanderingwnderland]

yandere! boyfriend x fem reader ༉‧₊˚.

currently listening to: for sure by ethel cain

a/n: this is sadly quite short so I’m very sorry about that but I’m trying to get out of my little writers block 💌🧸!

Jonathan is the sweetest man you have ever met. He’s capable of making you laugh as if the two of you are the only people left on earth no matter how much of a bad mood you were previously in. He makes the littlest thing into the funniest joke you’ve ever heard no matter how stupid the punchline is. He can hardly get enough of seeing your smile filled with amusement, his cheeks turning a shade of warm coral due to the effect your smile has on him & the pride he feels towards being able to make you feel such an intense amount of happiness.

He does the absolute most when it comes to being intentional with his affection towards you, the gifts he picks out for you, and the destinations/activities he carefully picks out for the purpose of taking you out on a date. He never fails to notice when you do something new with your hair, get a fresh set of nails, begin using a different fragrance, or if you’ve begun doing your makeup in a different manner. You quite literally can never do anything without him noticing because of how observant and attentive he is towards you.

He adores wearing correlating outfits with you because it gives people no choice than to acknowledge that you belong to him & he belongs to you.

Jonathan is constantly texting and facetiming you because

1. He cannot and could never get enough of his pretty baby (you)

2. He tends to overthink and gets anxious that something might happen to you while he’s not there right beside you. You don’t even have to be physically hurt for him to worry, he gets worried that you’ll be going through a difficult time mentally and he won’t be there to help you.

Despite all of his anxiety, he’s an incredibly attention boyfriend (both emotionally and physically). He never fails to remind you that it you need something, then you come to him. He’ll do absolutely everything in his power to keep a smile on your face. Even if the actions he commits for the sake of your ‘well being’ puts others at risk + could land him behind bars.

He simply couldn’t care less about the consequences of his own actions. As long as you’re happy and right by his side, life couldn’t get any better.

He’s not the type of man to shy away from affection when he’s in front of family or friends. You’re the love of his life so they’re bound to see him act out on his undying love for you. He doesn’t see a problem with having a constant hand on your thigh, kissing your lips until they’re bruised, or hugging you from behind to catch a hint of the perfume on your blouse.

He loves spending time outdoors and would have to stop himself from jumping for joy if you agree to go hiking with him. There’s something about eating breakfast underneath the morning sunrise with you that makes him want to propose right then and there.

Getting flowers from Jonathan is a regular occurrence and you have to remind him that yes you love the bouquet he picked out for you but you’re running out of vases. That won’t stop him though, he’ll just buy you even more flowers along with vases to hold them.

Most definitely has a notebook where he writes down little observations he’s made about you. If you ever come across this notebook, please expect to see incredibly well done sketches of you. (you’re nude in some of the sketches, but he swears the beauty your body holds is identical to that of a marble sculpture within an art museum)

has your birthday and anniversary memorized, so he doesn’t even need to put them in his calendar app.

Doesn’t complain about how much it takes for you to get ready and instead sits down in order to watch you go through your routine. He’ll take note of the cleansers, serums, blush, concealer, and foundation that you use so that he’ll be able to supply you with more.

has your name tattooed on his neck.

[cyberclouddream]

First House Overlay: what people identify with within you and how you can guide each other. Also includes the angles, Chiron, and BM Lilith :)

Sun in your First House

They identify with your confidence and ego, even if you may struggle with those things. They see you as a version of themselves they either admire or want to be. You radiate traits they think are worth showing off. You’re the type of person that’s difficult for them not to notice, because they may see you as commanding or vibrant. You’re akin to the living embodiment of their self-image, which is why they feel so drawn to you or feel the need to compete with you.

They tend to listen to you on advice about confidence and self-expression. They can help you when it comes to being your true self and owning your strengths.

Moon in your First House

They resonate with your emotions and sensitivities, whether you’re emotionally stable or a total wreck. They connect with how you feel and how you show vulnerability. You become a mirror of their own emotional responses, and they latch onto your moods like they’re their own. Whether they’re drawn to your sensitivity or repelled by your emotional baggage, they can’t help but identify with how you wear your feelings on your sleeve.

You can help them navigate their feelings by sharing your insights on vulnerability and emotional health. They can offer you a deeper understanding of your own feelings and provide emotional support well.

Mercury in your First House

They identify with the way you think and communicate. You’re someone whose thoughts reflect their own mental processes, making you seem relatable, witty, or just intellectually inclined to them. They see you as someone who think in the same way as they do. They see themselves in how you process and share ideas, even if you’re the type to constantly talk over them.

You help guide them when it comes to effective communication and thinking critically. They tend to challenge your ideas and introduce fresh perspectives to enhance your understanding of things.

Venus in the First House

You reflect the type of charm and beauty they value. They recognize you in the traits they love about themselves or want in others, like your charm, style, or allure. They can’t help but identify with how you express love, pleasure, or maybe you just look good to them no matter what. You embody their ideals of attraction, which is why they either fall for you or get envious.

You can help refine their tastes in love and aesthetics by sharing your opinions on relationships. They can teach you about emotional connections and the depth you often ignore.

Mars in the First House

They see their own drive, aggression, or sexual energy in you. They identify with your ability to take action or pick a fight. They connect with your raw energy and ambition, almost like you’re the manifestation of their own internal fire. They might see you as a fellow warrior for what they advocate for, or just someone whose energy reflects their own inner battles.

You can motivate them to be bold and assertive in pursuing their ambitions. They can inspire you to take risks based on their unique approaches to action and ambition.

Jupiter in the First House

They identify with your optimism, ambition, or philosophies. You come across as someone who reflects their desire for growth and expansion, whether that’s in wealth, wisdom, or lifestyle choices. They see you in the qualities that make them feel optimistic about life, like a reflection of their higher-minded aspirations. You embody the “go big or go home” attitude they wish to live by.

You help give them a reality check on growth and opportunities. They can provide you with goods ideas based on your potential.

Saturn in the First House

They identify with your sense of responsibility and control. You’re a walking reminder of what they value in terms of discipline, endurance, and hard work. They see a bit of their own caution and realism in how you handle yourself. They resonate with your type of structured, no-nonsense approach to life.

You can help hammer some discipline and responsibility into their lives. They tend to give you the tough love you need to commit and stick to your goals.

Ascendant in the First House

They identify with the way you present yourself to the world. It’s like looking into a mirror for them; your overall appearance, attitude, and how you come off at first glance matches what they either already are or want to be. You represent and idealized version if how they wish to be perceived.

You can help them polish their image and how they come off to others, and vice versa.

Midheaven in the First House

They see you as the kind of public image or success they want for themselves. Your career path, reputation, and goals hit home for them, they’re what they either align with or aspire towards. They look at you and see a reflection of the status they crave or the recognition they think they deserve.

You can teach them how to present themselves publicly or professional and own the room. They can make you rethink how you come across in your own career.

Imum Coeli (IC) in the First House

They identify with your private self, like your roots, family life, or emotional foundation. You bring out a reflection of their own home life or inner child. You feel familiar, maybe even like home to them. Whether it’s your emotional depth or the way you handle your past, they resonate with how you embody the most hidden parts of who they are at their core.

You can help them create a stable emotional base. They can offer you hard truths about your own roots and family drama.

Descendant in the First House

They identify with your approach to relationships and partnerships. You reflect the traits they want in a partner or the qualities they value in one-on-one dynamics. You’re a living version of what they think a good relationship looks like, and they see you in the traits they either seek in others or want to cultivate themselves. It’s almost like you mirror back their ideal relationship blueprint.

You tend to give them solid advice on relationships and partnerships. They can give you insight onto what true connection looks like.

North Node/Rahu in the First House

They identify with the future potential they see in you. You embody the qualities they’re striving towards, the lessons they need to learn in this life. They see you as someone who’s on the path they aspire to walk, whether that’s spiritual growth, career success, or personal evolution. You’re like a guidepost for where they need to head.

You can help them by sharing your growth experiences that resonate with their journey. They can help make you aware of goals you need to chase and focus on, like goals you’re too afraid to chase.

South Node/Ketu in the First House

They identify with your past, your ingrained habits, and your familiar patterns. They resonate with you because you remind them of where they’ve been or the lessons they’ve already learned. You represent a comfort zone for them, someone who reflects the easy paths of life. You’re a mirror of the habits they need to let go if but still feel connected to.

You can help them break free from their old habits. They can help remind you of the lessons you need to learn from your own mistakes.

Black Moon Lilith in the First House

They identify with your raw, unapologetic, and sometimes rebellious side. You embody the qualities they suppress in themselves, the untamed, instinctual, or taboo parts of human nature. They see a reflection of their own wildness or desires that are usually kept under wraps. You remind them of the parts of themselves that society doesn’t approve of, but they secretly crave to express. You reflect the shadow side of their nature that they might both fear and be drawn to.

You can push them to embrace their wild side and own their desires. They can help you confront your shadow self and understand your darker instincts.

Chiron in the First House

They identify with your wounds and the way you carry your pain. You reflect back to them their own vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and healing journey. They see you in the scars they themselves are grappling with, whether that’s emotional trauma, insecurities, or a sense of inadequacy. They see parts of themselves in your suffering or your attempts to overcome it.

You can share your healing tricks and how to deal with vulnerability. They’ll provide insights on pain that can help you in your own healing journey.

[cryptidcircuswrites]

Hello, Id like to request general HC can be as little detailed as you want with who do you think would be the best and worst person to make friendship bracelets for like who is straight up eating them beads. Joking it with the bracelet. Idk. Making bracelets and devastated you're not in bracelet throwing range ily/p -Marc

FRIENDSHIP BRACELET HEADCANONS

!- friendship bracelets with various characters, mentions of canon deaths

TIM WRIGHT

"Why the fuck would I wanna do that?"

Probably reminds him of the psych ward tbh

It was rare that he'd get to do arts and crafts but he always loved it

Uses as many colors as possible, the psych ward had none

Absolutely loves the bracelets too Wears his everywhere, forever. It's one of his most treasures possessions, not that he'd ever tell you. You only find out because he flips the FUCK out when he can't find it

JAY MERRICK

Makes the ugliest bracelet you've ever seen. Can't tie a knot to save his life. Gets sad if you don't wear the one he made for you, though, so you're stuck with it.

Despite being godawful, he's so excited to be doing something with you

He just wants to hang out all the time, forever (quality time love language gang unite)

The bracelet breaks at some point during season 2, but he keeps the beads in his pocket until his death.

BRIAN THOMAS

"Yeah, sure, sounds fun!"

He's not super into it, but you're his friend, you asked, so he feels kind of obligated.

His bracelets are decently pretty. Nothing too special, not Jay's disaster either.

Wears it for a couple weeks before tossing it in a drawer. You're friends, yeah, but he just doesn't get the whole bracelet thing.

ALEX KRALIE

Says no.

If you ask him again, you have to ask six times before he says yes.

SUPER particular about bead choice.

(Charm and color association, it's a super personal thing but you can't waterboard that out of him)

Pretends not to wear it but it's under his sleeves almost all the time

This man loses his glasses before he takes off his bracelet.

Towards the end, when he's sometimes lucid, he'll stare at the bracelet and try to remember your face.

TICCI TOBY

Twitches right as he's finishing his bracelet, ruining his progress and scattering the beads everywhere.

Gets pissed and leaves the table. You give him the one you made for him, but he opts for giving you jewelry he stole found instead

He wears the bracelet until he has a breakdown and tears it off in a panic, losing it forever

Definitely chews on it

JEFF THE KILLER

Will not make them with you, quite literally doesn't have the patience for it.

If you GIVE him one though, he will cry

He loves small gifts so much

Mans is permanently emotionally stunted, which means extreme reactions to EVERYTHING, not just the constant rage Probably personifies the bracelet.

Definitely talks to it on missions like it can somehow send a message to you.

EYELESS JACK

Eats the beads.

He likes the crunch and is too autistic to not have some kind of stim about them.

Threading the beads is difficult with the claws, so he ends up making you a shaker jar with baby oil and water

He's very particular about the colors, but not shape or texture since it's in a jar and also he can't see the shape very well, but you can both see colors and he wants you to feel as happy about the beads as he does (again, autism)

He wears the one you gave him until it eventually gets lost on an assignment

[echobx]

NSFW Alphabet - Rafe Cameron

author's note: all of these are my own thoughts, if you do not agree with it that's completely your choice and right to do so.

kinktober masterlist ✘ template

Aftercare - he's not very cuddly, the best you get is a glass of water after, if anything. unless he genuinely cares about you, then he will go out of his way to learn what you need and provide it for you. 

Body part - boobs and ass. he's simple like that. it's not like he doesn't love the rest of you, but as long as his hands can squeeze your cheeks and his face is buried between his girls, he's happy.

Cum - oh, he comes in big loads. he's literally trying to fill you to the brim with a single orgasm of his. he loves to see you covered in it, too. or how it runs down your chin after he fucked your face. 

Dirty Secret - for a long time he was just playing the player, not actually having had that much experience until like the last year of high school, but after that he keeps like a bunch of numbers in his phone for simple access. of course, that changes when he's with you, bc why would he need them when he's got you.

Experience - he's aware of his effect on people, especially impressionable young girls. which just makes him cockier, but he knows to live up to the expectations, and he very well can. no matter who you ask if they slept with Rafe they will tell you that he was the best night of their life. 

Favorite Position - mating press, by fucking far. he's extremely dominant and to have you in a way that ensures complete submission is his dream, actually. this doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy a good back shot or cowgirl (preferably backwards) once in a while. 

Goofy - he'll mock and tease you, but all in all he's more serious. Rafe knows that he is sometimes a bit too serious, but it's just the way he is at that moment. and his mocking sometimes borders on bullying, but he'll make up for it later, he always does. 

Hair - he trims, but not too much. he simply likes how it looks on him, especially when you soak him. when it comes to you, though, he is strict. but since he pays for your Brazilian waxing, you don't mind much, apart from the pain, maybe. 

Intimacy - he's not very romantic, sure he can put in some effort, but that's rarely what he strives for unless he knows you're the one for him. maybe it's because he's all in all rather closed off emotionally, so to get that deep intimacy level with him is difficult, even when he says he loves you, it's gonna take him some time to get there, but he will. 

Jack off - he does, sometimes, but he doesn't really need to, because before you, he had a number of girls who were always a text away from getting his dick wet. but ever since he got you, he only really jerks off when he's on a business trip or if it's you giving him a hand job.

Kink - he swears to not have a daddy kink, but he loves to hear you call him that. he's also big into breeding, but without the consequences, meaning he will make sure you are on birth control until he is ready to actually be a dad. he love love loves spanking and just dominating you.

Location - anywhere. if it's the kitchen, the bathroom floor or shower, the bed, the couch, a restroom, or his car; he'll never let an opportunity slip to take what's his. 

Motivation - super revealing outfits, like skirts you can't bend over in, shirts that will almost get you booked for nudity, shit like that. also, when you really wanna be fucked good, you just gotta get him to be jussst a little annoyed with you, and maybe play dumb. 

No - biggest turn off is probably when you're annoying him too much, like, a tiny bit is alright but anything else is just a no-go. and he also isn't a fan of piss kink or similar things, he does love to have you squirt all over him tho. on that he also can't stand when you're not smelling like you just jumped out of the shower, and just the faint idea of hair on your legs or under your arms, or worse around your precious pussy? he won't touch you. no chance. 

Oral - he loves to give, like, it's good. but no matter how good he is at eating you out, he will always prefer fucking your face over it. there's just something demeaning and powerful in having you completely at his mercy like that, seeing your teary eyes and how you choke on his fat cock… he probably dreams of that every night, and he definitely has multiple videos of it on his phone, just in case.

Pace - sometimes you might think he doesn't know what slow even means, but he does, he just isn't the biggest fan of it. Rafe goes hard and fast almost every time, unless you beg for him to be softer. 

Quickie - loves them, especially in the morning before he leaves for work when you're still half asleep, he'll just fuck you or eat you out to have your needy ass covered for the day and until he gets back home.

Risk - he likes to experiment on his own terms, meaning he wants to try things out on you but not on himself. so he'll get toys that look like torture instruments and use them at least one time before you get to decide if it's okay or not. 

Stamina - he's fucking you like it's a marathon, no clue how he can hold out that long, but he does. but his refractory period isn't that short, so maybe he worked on his stamina because of that. 

Toys - he loves to use toys on you, especially to edge you on and tease you, or as punishment, like the one time he made you wear a vibrator with a remote control at a business dinner, and it was pure torture.

Unfair - he's 100% a tease, and he won't ever stop with it. he even goes as far as actually insulting you to get his way, how that actually works for him doesn't cross his mind, he just knows it does and will keep doing it. 

Volume - he's loud. like, he can't stop grunting and moaning while fucking you, even when he's supposed to stay quiet he's still making noises and who can blame him, actually. 

Wild card - Rafe will buy you the most expensive underwear ever just to then get home and let you put on a show for him because he isn’t allowed into the store anymore after they kicked him out for nearly fucking you in a stall. and no matter how expensive the slips and thongs were when he paid for them, he will go and rip them into piece if you don’t behave, or simply when he feels like it or his temper doesn’t let him be patient enough to actually take them off.

X-ray - he's hung hung. like, ball heavy with an approximately 10” beast that you can't wrap a single hand around. every time he fucks you, you feel like you're being split in half. and blowjobs are a completely different type of danger to your health. but he knows what's good for him, and you, and wouldn't dare to actually hurt you with his massive schl- yeah

Yearning - his sex drive is moderately high. he knows when he needs to hold back and focus on other things, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't rather be at home buried deep inside your cunt. 

Zzz - oh, as soon as he's cleaned up and lying down again, he's out like a light. you can be lucky if he cuddles you. 

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimozart @hoe4sunarin @m2m2m2 @mochimms @itsme-again @maybankslover @th3eternalersi @because-i-like-toxic-men @rafeeekam @carolinaxvz

[sadseungmin]

Hiiiiiii can you write something about reader trying to breakup with phsycotic/yandere Chan 🥺 Only if you can babes❤️

♡ breaking up with a psychotic bang chan ♡

psychotic bang chan x afab reader | dead dove | nsfw (MDNI)

p.s. i hope this is to your liking, anon!

⚠︎ tw: non-consensual elements (i.e. forced breeding), physical violence, threats of murder

✧･ﾟ: psychotic!chan will emotionally manipulate you *✧･ﾟ:*

Chan resorts to intense emotional manipulation, exploiting your insecurities and fears to make you feel guilty and unworthy. He convinces you that no one else could ever love you as he does and that leaving him would be the worst mistake of your life. He recounts every positive moment you two have shared and proclaims these moments cannot be recreated with another. Essentially, you are manipulated into questioning whether ending things with him is the right choice.

"Baby, you're not making sense. After everything we've been through, after all the time I've poured into loving you despite your flaws, why would you want to give up on us—on me? Who else is going to take the time to learn how to love you unconditionally?"

✧･ﾟ: psychotic!chan will physically abuse you *✧･ﾟ:*

Chan uses physical violence to assert his control over you and instill fear. He yanks you close by the hair, roughly wrapping your locks around his fist so tightly that your scalp pulsates for hours afterwards. He also enjoys choking you until you almost pass out, slamming you into walls with a grip around your throat that leave behinds finger-tip shaped bruises. Whenever you're helplessly within his grasp like this, Chan leans in incredibly close and makes it clear with a cold, stern expression that he won't tolerate any of your attempts to leave. The violence is terrifying, but Chan deems it necessary to keep from losing you.

"I'm trying to be patient with you, baby, because I love you to fucking pieces, but you're being so damn difficult. Every time you try to leave me, it brings me closer and closer to snuffing your life out, because if I can't have you in this life, I damn sure will in the next. Don't make me go there, baby. No more talk of leaving, yeah?"

✧･ﾟ: psychotic!chan will forcibly breed you *✧･ﾟ:*

Chan is desperate to bind you to him for the rest of your lives. He believes that having a child together will ensure you can never leave him. He sabotages your birth control by replacing your contraceptive medication with disguised sleeping pills. Several times a week, you wake up to Chan thrusting wildly inside of you, whispering potential baby names with each forceful, animalistic thrust. And when he paints the inside of your womb white, he whispers to you how pretty you'll be as a mother and how excited he is to watch your tummy grow from his seed. All you can do is lay there, feeling full and hot inside, tears beading in the corner of your eyes as you realize you don't remember the last time you had a period.

"Oh, shi—Gonna fuck a daycare into you, y/n! Gonna keep you plump and round and full. You'll make such a perfect mommy, baby! You'd never abandon me then, right? How could you when we'd have Tzu...Yeong...Byeol...Eun...Iseul...Wonsi—"

[kooahae]

HATE THE CLUB

Pairing : Idol Namjoon x non idol female reader

Summary: You can’t stay away from him - at least that’s what it feels like the universe is telling you. You and the man of your dreams, somewhere that you both hate, just to end up in a place you both love- his bed.

Genre: very mild angst, fluff, smut.

Warnings: oral (f) receiving, fingering, pussy smacking, Unprotected sex/ he finishes inside ( pls don't do this lol) making out, Namjoon is so sweet but ofc he is! Readers a creamer, Missionary, slight yearning. MDNI

___________________

“Before you even ask me , I came ‘cause I knew you’d show up…”

“This isn’t even your scene, what if someone sees you?” You ask, searching the area. You would hate to be at the scene of what you know for sure would make the headlines, Although the 6ft of sin standing in front of you doesn’t seem to care.

Namjoon would be anything you needed. He decided that the moment you entered his life. You affected him. You always have. The first girl who understood him- not just intellectually, but emotionally. It’s always been you. Even if his career made it difficult, he would always choose you. Even right now standing in the middle of the club -where he knew it could get him in to some heavy shit, but none of that mattered. His heart didn’t agree with the opinions clouding his brain about staying away from you. You’re beautiful inside and out, it doesn’t matter how much you attempt to make him uninterested, all the attempts of staying away from you , horrible attempts from you where you tried to be selfless - he on the other hand wouldn’t stop trying. He’s never been a quitter, so why be different today?

“You really shouldn’t be here Joonie.” You say as you pull him somewhere into a dark corner.

The club is not a place Namjoon would decide to spend his time on a Thursday night. Neither would you, you’re only here with your friends-who you abandoned, because you needed an escape. Something to get you to stop thinking about him. Of course, he would be here though. It’s as if the universe pulled you together, no matter how far you tried to run away.

Namjoon can’t take his eyes off of you. He heard you loud and clear but all he’s thinking about is the nickname at the end of your statement. It always sounds so sweet when you say it. Everything you do drives him mad. He didn’t have a choice. It’s been this way from the moment you looked at him. He remembers the day vividly- but it isn’t the time to reminisce. He’s focused on now.

“You missed everything I said…I’m here because of you. I don’t care if I should be or not. I don’t care if it’s not my usual place to kick it at either. I’m here for you.” He reiterates.

He knows you understand. You’re just doing the thing you always do- putting up a wall.

“How long are you in town for?” You sigh. You can’t even believe you’re debating doing this. If only you didn’t want him just as bad.

“Tomorrow afternoon.” He’s searching your eyes. He needs you.

“This isn’t a good idea and you know that…” you roll your bottom lip through your teeth and shake your head before making eye contact with him.

He tilts his head, mimicking the same facial expression you’ve just given him.

“Fuck it. I don’t care. You can leave me after…I can’t stop thinking about you.” He’s pleading at this point but he’s never been too proud to do that either- not when it comes to you.

“Please.” He mutters looking at you. You’re screwed. You were the moment he walked in. You knew that too.

“Fuck it. Take me to your place.” You say. You’ve never been good at pushing him away. Every attempt is always a failure.

Namjoon wastes no time. The quicker he can get you alone, the quicker you can be skin-to-skin. Molded together and intertwined. He sticks his hand out for you to place yours in, and leads you out of the club.

The ride to his place is filled with no words, but tons of sexual tension. You wish you could convince him to stay with you- long term. You have always told yourself to be selfless, let him chase his dreams, and support him as best as you can, so you won’t interfere. You can’t deny it though. Namjoon has always been everything you want in a man. Smart, determined, well-mannered, good in bed, He’s your earth in every sense of the word.

Even now, your enamored as you watch his jaw clench as he parks the car. You reach to undo your seatbelt but Namjoon stops you.

“Come closer.” He says in a low tone, motioning you with his finger closer to his face.

He’s losing his composure. He really is just like you. Eager for what awaits. You do as he says and lean closer, brushibg your nose against his but right before he can make a move. You giggle and send his heart into a frenzy.

“Look who’s all worked up. When I told you to take me to your place, I meant inside.” You plant a kiss on his nose and then open your door.

“Whatever you want, darling.” He chuckles and you have to refrain from jumping on him at that moment. He knows you like it when he calls you that.

Once you make it to the steps, that’s when the fun starts. Your lips are immediately on each other. Hungry, acting like starved animals. When he finally reaches his door he pulls away. He knows you are antsy by the way you’re attacking his neck sucking on his most sensitive spots. He swears, it’s never taken him this long to open a door, and once he finally hears the lock retract he pushes the door open, spins you around so you’re in front of him, picks you up, making you straddle him. Your hands immediately wrap around his neck as you continue kissing him all over.

“You’re fucking needy.” He says nudging your head up so your lips connect and throwing his keys across the counter. Sliding his shoes off and carrying you to the countertop.

“I am. I missed you.” You say, nothing but truth behind your statement.

honesty- a shared trait between you that he respects so much.

You reach for his belt buckle and start to unfasten it.

You only have until tomorrow, you’re not here to waste a second.

As your hands find a place in his briefs, Namjoon starts to remove your top. He’s trying not to rip it off but he fails- he’s eager and you can’t help but laugh again. flinging your hair behind your shoulders, and covering your chest.

“I missed you too.” He says and smiles at you. Capturing your heart, with his dragon-like eyes and deep dimples.

“The counter was a cute idea but, I think I want you in the bed.” He pulls your hands away from your chest, placing them on his shoulders.

He picks you up again and starts kissing you on the way to his bedroom. your low moans into the kiss aren’t helping him right now. He’s pretty sure he could come through his pants right now. He can’t wait any longer. He needs to taste you, to be in you. He could do this for days, but unfortunately, time is not his friend. So he tosses you onto the bed and removes his shirt. His body is glistening. Chest heaving up and down in anticipation.

“Joonie…” you sound just as desperate. Like you’ve been longing for him.

“Shh baby, I’m right here.” He says as he climbs on top of you. your lips reconnect and he pins your hands above your head.

“Take your time?” You ask and he nods as he starts kissing down your neck. He knows you hate when he marks you, but you also know him. He thinks it’s sexy when he can see the little bruises he leaves on you. Little reminders he etches in your skin before he has to leave. The sad part for you is that they are just like him- disappearing acts.

He slowly but surely makes his way to your bra and slides the straps down your shoulder.

“I missed hearing you say my name.” He says as he fully removes it, leaving open kisses down your body. Getting the response he wished for.

His hands slide up your skirt and he starts to rub you through your panties. You’re aching and he can feel you throbbing against his fingers.

“Joon, please…” you say as you moan, reaching and pushing his hand to apply more pressure.

He takes the hint and slides further down. Looking up at you with his lust filled eyes, kissing your waist, and slowly sliding down your skirt and panties. You’re now fully undressed underneath him. He loves the view. You’ve always been shy so once he sees you attempt to cover your chest for the second time, He restrains your arms again with his right hand.

“You’re the one who asked me to take my time, now look at who’s worked up.” He teases.

You lift up, and try to kiss him but he just smiles some more against your lips. As he parts your legs, he rubs up your thigh and then you feel his hand right where you need him.

He tilts his head as you both look each other in the eyes. Kissing you one last time, parting your lips, and smacking your pussy. Capturing the moan you let out in his mouth.

“Mmmmmmm.” You say as your eyebrows furrow in.

Fuck. Still vulnerable, still responsive. He thinks to himself. He wants to be the only person who can make you feel like this.

He pulls himself away and immediately puts his face where he belongs. He

“Oh fuck.” You gasp at the pleasure as your breath hitches in your throat.

He takes his time eating you out. Like it might be the last time, you both know it never is because you can’t seem to walk away. He enjoys the way you squirm underneath him. The head pushes telling him you need more, the way you moan his name out in repetition. He could never let you go. Not when you show him how good he makes you feel.

“Joon, oh my god…right there.”

He follows the instructions you give. Sliding a finger into you, pumping it in and out as you continue with your whimpers and cries of pleasure. He adds another finger and glides into you, a steady rhythm of penetration and the gentle force from his tongue, sends you over the edge. He laps up your juices that he knows he’s responsible for. You only cum like this for him. You’re his no matter how much time you spend apart.

“Come here…” you say panting.

He climbs back up your legs and kisses you in the mouth. Lightly smacking your clit as he does. You just came but Namjoon knows you have more.

“Joonie …”

“Hmm.”

“Mmm, I wanna cum with you.” You say. Eyes rolling back feeling yourself close yet again since he is still playing with your pussy. You want to be with him like this for longer. Be in his arms for longer. Cum for him anytime he wants you to.

“You sure you’re ready?” He asks and you nod.

“Yes, if you don’t stop I’m gonna cum.” You say finally having the energy to move his hand which earns you a laugh from the man hovering above you.

He removes his pants all the way finally. You were just as desperate as him. Like usual.

You set yourself up on your elbows to take at the sight in front of you.

“You’re bad.” You say biting your lip and looking him up and down.

“Could say the same about you.” He says as he crawls back over to you. He takes his time lining himself up to be inside the walls most familiar to him.

“I can’t stay away from you.” He admits and your heart nearly breaks. You give him a small smile. You know you can’t either.

“Hurry up. I miss-.”

You both moan upon his entrance. He’s looking you right in the eyes as he pumps in and out of you. Watching the way you cream, it feels like every time he removes himself there’s more of you spilling out onto him.

“Damn baby, look at us…” He says and you meet his gaze.

“You can’t look at me like that.” You say in between your moans

“You don’t mind.” He’s right, you don’t. But you should- you’ll miss him again. You don’t need the visual of him looking like this engraved in your mind but, it’s better than the memory you’ll have when he leaves tomorrow you tell yourself.

His deep and slow strokes make you feel so full.

“This is so much better than the club.” You say and you look into his eyes and he can’t help but give you a grin.

He reaches for your left hand and intertwines it with his.

“Yeah?” He asks as you moan out and put your free hand on his bicep that’s caging you in.

“Yeah, I hate the club.” You double down on your statement because it’s true. In more ways than one. You hate the club because it isn’t your scene. You hate the club because it isn’t going to help you forget Namjoon, it’ll bring you to him for whatever reason. The universe always puts him in your orbit.

Your pussy is milking him for everything he has, creaming all over him, If he wouldn’t have showed up- he doesn’t even want to think about that. A day without being inside of you always feels like years have passed by. Months feel like centuries.

“Fuck Joonie… just like that.” You moan out and he can’t stop himself from pecking your lips afterwards.

“You are my brightest star. Did you know that?” He says as he listens to your moans. They’re so soft, so alluring.

“I- I’m close.” You manage to muster up and he nods.

“I know baby, I can tell by the way you’re squeezing me. Shit” He isn’t too far off either.

“You’re gonna cum with me, right baby?” You ask and he nods.

He hurries and presses his lips to yours, thrust getting sloppy and lazy.

Your breath gets caught In your throat as you feel the knot deep in your stomach unravel.

“Shit, shit, shit.” He chants out as he empties himself inside of you.

He collapses onto your chest and you stroke his hair. Then the air gets heavy. You can feel it- time is going to run out.

“That was amazing, as always.” You say and he slowly pulls out of you and lays flat on his back. Eyes facing the ceiling before he glances over and looks at you.

“Be my girlfriend? No more of this not knowing how long it’ll take to see each other bullshit. I want you. I’d ask you more romantically but I just … I don’t want you to walk out of the door and me not know what’s next. I want to come home to you. I don’t care about anything else.” He’s serious and it’s everything you wanted to hear, but you’re quiet.

You’re scared. That must be the reason for your silence he assumes.

“You want me? You’re not worried about the public?”

He was right. You are scared. So he grabs your hand and kisses it softly.

“I’ll protect you from anyone, anything. No. I’m not worried, because I need you and I don’t care

who likes it or not.” He says as he reaches for your hand and kisses the back of it.

“Well then I’m Namjoon’s girlfriend then.” You say

Smiling but you’re not done yet

“Promise me you’ll still be the same person you are. I can’t handle anything else.”

He chuckles and pulls you into him.

“People change baby we need to grow but my love won’t unless it’s for the better.” He states matter of factly.

“Love?” You ask as you search his eyes.

“Love.” He says and you nod.

A kiss sealing the deal. Passionate, Fiery, but also just as soft as flower petals- just like the man who is now yours to claim.

“Mmm, princess can I tell you something?” He says as he pulls away.

“Anything.”

“I think love the club.” He says chuckling and you can’t help but laugh.

“It brought me the best sex of my life and my dream boyfriend, I might suddenly love the club too.” You say as you cup his face.

“Love?” He ask in the same tone as you did previously.

“Love,” you say stealing a kiss and sealing the deal.

A/n : let’s be fr. I love a happy ending lol

[lurkingshan]

10 Things I Love About Triage

I am extraordinarily late to this party but I am here to scream about Triage, a show which I started on a whim after a stray comment from @incandescentflower and subsequently finished in two sittings. This drama has been on my list forever (I didn't watch it live because the distribution was wacky) and then it just kept getting overlooked as I fought to keep up with the deluge of Thai BL coming at us at all times. But I am very glad I finally hunted it down and made the time and I would like to tell you why!

Hello Again, Dr. Sammon

I am on record as a Sammon fan. She is one of the best writers working in Thai BL and she has a knack for mystery and suspense. Her narratives are always really well constructed with tight plotting and smart character work, and Triage is no exception. This story feels confident, steady, and complete in a way few Thai BLs do.

The time travel rules are blessedly consistent

Part of what makes the story sing is it's a time travel plot that actually gets the particulars right. In a time loop, the details are everything, and this show understands that. The series of events are consistent, the rules of the time travel mechanics are clearly explained, and when our protagonists learn something new, it always lines up with something we'd gotten hints about before or gives us new context for old information. There are no loose threads in this show.

My boy Tin is going through it

Tin is a fantastic protagonist. He starts the show disillusioned with his work and hilariously grumpy about this time loop situation--he is a busy ER doctor and he does not have time for this--but as he starts to piece together how the loop works he gets more methodical in his approach, and eventually becomes emotionally invested in his mission to save Tol. Tin felt really well-calibrated in that he was smart and he tried all the things you would be shouting at the screen for him to try, but he's still a human being with flaws and insecurities and so he makes mistakes, learns, and has to try again. The show really successfully put us in the frustration with him.

Tol makes for an interesting damsel

Because he's kind of an asshole! Tol is rude and disrespectful when he first meets Tin, he hangs around with some truly awful bullies, he treats Rit like garbage, and he's all around an arrogant dick. Until he isn't. I like the choice to make the focus of our mission such a difficult character, not only because it makes Tin's challenge that much harder, but also because it invites us to consider the reasons why someone might be behaving the way he is and whether they can be redeemed.

This show has everything: action, romance, and agony

It's truly an emotional rollercoaster all the way through, and you can't relax for a moment. The pacing is relentless through most of the show, and even as a bond develops between Tin and Tol and they begin a tentative romance, danger is lurking around every corner. As soon as these boys started making out in episode 9 I knew something awful was coming for me and IT SURE DID.

Jinta, the ultimate frenemy

On that note let's talk about Jinta, my nemesis!! Jinta is some kind of unspecified deity/whimsical god and the one who appears to be responsible for putting Tin and Tol in this loop. Is he trying to help them? Is he trying to torture them? I definitely think it's both! He seems to delight in showing up to taunt Tin as he struggles to figure out how to get through to Tol, and when it's Tol's turn on the merry-go-round he sends him to the darkest timeline for his high stakes final attempt to save Tin just because he can. I love/hate you, sir!

Sing and Gap and the darkest timeline

Speaking of which, can we talk about how appropriate it is that Sing and Gap are a couple only in the darkest timeline? I don't know if people were shipping this for real during the live watch, but I definitely was not and so I started cackling when we got to the worst possible timeline and Sing was suddenly calling Gap his boyfriend. Sammon, you are hilarious and I salute you.

Fantastic side characters

Let's talk about the sides I did love. First of all, aside from his weird aggressive flirting/not flirting thing with Gap, I actually did like Sing's friendship with Tin a lot. I also loved the hospital gang who were around to alternately tease and help Tin, most especially Toy and Fang. Toy is a sweetheart and a gossip who never misses a trick, and Fang is an actual badass who first cracked the case with that evil doctor and saved Tin's life. They are fabulous. Rit was also an excellent character with a lot of complexity and he added some much needed depth to the school storyline (does anyone else think he was basically the proto-DFF Non?). And while Mai and Heart were not my favorite people, I did appreciate that the show gave them a sympathetic portrayal instead of making them evil villains (we had the organ harvesters for that).

That beautiful clocktower

I must give a shoutout to this gorgeous clocktower featured in several important scenes. I got so excited every time it showed up. Fun fact: in the first clocktower scene I was like oh hey I recognize that from gifs, but it can't be that scene because it's too early for a kis--TIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING! (I was right, it was too early for a kiss and Tol was Big Mad but bless you for going for it anyway, Tin).

The romance is balanced and rootable

And on that note, let me give a shoutout to the romance part of this story for actually feeling balanced. This is not an epic swoony love affair, but more a story of two people putting in the time to understand and empathize with each other. Sometimes in these kind of time loop stories the romance can end up feeling very one-sided because one character is holding all the knowledge and all the cards. But in this show we have the neat trick of Tol taking over the loop to try to save Tin in the final arc, which means he got to go through a similar process of getting to know the darkest version of his lover and figuring out how to get through to him. I was delighted by all the events of the long loop playing out again, but this time with Tin being the obstinate one. Tol got a taste of his own medicine and it left me feeling like they were both equally invested in this relationship.

TL;DR: If you haven't watched this yet, you really should! It's a fast binge and a great time with some Thai BL favorites. It's unfortunately still not available for international streaming, but it's very easy to find grey now and it's worth the effort. Go forth!

[frownyalfred]

Super random question, but im interested in your thoughts, do you think in an alternative universe in which Alfred is a woman, would that change something? Like personality wise, or just in general?

Personally, I think it would but like, the change that first comes to mind, would be Bruce's thoughts growing up, in the sense Bruce doesn't want to "replace" his father with Alfred , and Alfred is afraid of the same, and changing that to Martha instead of Thomas is interesting to me ?

Do you have any thoughts???

This is a really interesting question. I think, because Alfred is male, he actually gets away with being more of an ambiguous father figure than a woman would. Because fathers are allowed to be distant, or emotionally pulled back, and still seen as fathers. But women who are those things are immediately seen as non-nuturing, as mothers who actively choose not to parent, etc.

So in this world, Alfred is both Bruce's father, and his employee. He walks that line frequently. In fact, they both tiptoe around it -- sometimes they hug, and sometimes Alfred distantly provides counsel. He somehow never manages to fully eclipse Thomas' role, which obviously would be difficult for Bruce to see. But he also plays a role that, arguably, Thomas could have played as well -- a distant, but loving parent.

In a world where Alfred is a woman, him choosing not to parent Bruce in any way and to remain just as an employee would be seen as an actively cold or withholding choice. And yet, if he did choose to be loving and nurturing, (female) Alfred would immediately be accused of trying to replace Martha. If not by Bruce, then certainly by others.

So, unlike the male Alfred, female Alfred loses both ways, whereas male Alfred kind of wins either way. Because a loving male Alfred surmounts the expectations we have as a society for male fathers of that social class, and a distant one still reaps the benefits of parenting Bruce without taking responsibility for "replacing" Thomas.

Not sure if this makes much sense since I've been sick, but hope that helps answer your question a little.