#the disability affects his life and the household but it's far from the only thing about him

[fictionadventurer]

The Heir of Redclyffe is teaching me that what Little Women really needed was for the March sisters to have a clever, witty, sharp-tongued, disabled brother who was BFFs with Laurie.

[starshower1215]

Blitzen and Hearthstone Headcanons: Homeless Version (with some Magnus)

I missed them a little bit.

Since Blitzen never wanted to go too far from Magnus, he would go to a very specific store, shop, or mall that played Taylor Swift's music so he could listen. He's a demigod, so using a cellphone is a bit difficult. Thus, access to Taylor Swift's music is difficult, and he really misses hearing the albums that never play on the radio, like Folklore, Red, Evermore, etc.

Hearth has come to terms with his own disability, but sometimes, this would give him the slightest bit of sadness, because he would love to listen to whatever it is Blitzen loves so much and, perhaps, even sing it for him to comfort him.

The uncleanliness of living on the streets really messed with Hearth's head. He would be very fastidious about the things he touched and did, because getting his clothing dirty would result in a lot of anxiety. He has a very deep appreciation for any shops that have products such as Lysol wipes or hand sanitizer available to the public.

The pale color of his hair and skin does not help either, as it makes it much easier to see how filthy he is.

Blitzen's tendency to indulge in the free things in life helped pull Hearth out of his own mind, though. On the occasions when they'd be together, and not a day-mother-elf and night-father-dwarf, Blitzen would take Hearth to explore the town. They loved checking the community notice board to see what's going on, and they made sure to invite Magnus with them to the community festivals, events, all the little things. This was a small light in Magnus' life after his mom died.

Blitzen, who was isolated from his home and therefore, all his designing materials, loved to window shop. He dragged Hearth around the malls and outlets and just imagined what it would be like to style the clothes, how he would adjust them and improve them. They'd play dress-up, too, probably with Magnus, too, much to the dismay of the shopkeepers.

Blitz's games of dress-up often evolved into games of pretend and playing House, which affected Hearth emotionally sometimes. They would mess around together at the empty checkout counters, pretending to make each other dinner and chatting about how their day went, making up details about the mundane lives they could only wish for.

I had previous head canons that Hearth was already in poor health due to his lack of proper eating habits, so he probably fell ill even more in the bad sanitary conditions. This might've triggered him to feel really guilty, and Blitz would do his best to help Hearth.

This goes both ways. Anyone would get sick in unsanitary conditions, and both of them have issues with this concept of "taking up space." Blitz would feel guilty or discomforted by the fact that he's taking up more attention than necessary. It seems contradictory, since he would love more attention towards himself and his talents, but desire can clash with trauma.

Blitzen always let Hearth wear some of his clothes to sleep, as Hearth is used to a much warmer environment, being from Alfheim. It was awkward at first, since Blitz was much smaller, but Hearth eventually got used to simply wrapping his clothes around his shoulders.

With Blitzen being with Magnus at night and Hearth there during the day, they missed each other a lot.

Since Magnus never used to see them much together, he was shocked when he found out that they knew each other.

Hearth learned to read very late, since he was always busy surviving in an abusive household. But the library is a prime shelter for homeless people, so he would often spend days with Magnus, matching signs up to words. At first, they had a lot of trouble communicating, but one day, Magnus pointed at a book, then pointed to the word "book," and it went on from there.

Blitzen is very weak, I believe this is specified in the books, but I imagine at night, when it is more dangerous, Hearth lets him take his leather jacket. It makes him look broader, more tough, and it helps him scare people away despite his height in order to protect Magnus.

[elprupneerg]

Yesterday at the library I picked up a book called The Quiet Damage: QAnon and the Destruction of the American Family by Jesselyn Cook. It talks about the circumstances that led to different people falling down the radicalization pipeline and how that affected their loved ones. (Later parts of the book might talk about how some of them got out based on chapter titles. I haven’t read that far yet though).

There’s a part in chapter 6 where a guy gets injured and can’t do the things he used to do that feels very fucking familiar. “Watching Andrea take on the lion’s share of household errands on top of her job as a middle-school librarian sent Matt ricocheting between self-loathing and self-pity. She never once complained, but as she cooked and carried his meals to him, vacuumed around him, and corralled the kids by herself while he sat there in front of the TV, he was sure that her resentment was brewing. He could only say “Thank you, I’m sorry” so many times in a day before it felt meaningless.”

Like FUCK. Fuuuuuuuuuck. That’s very relatable. I’m not married and don’t have kids but my partner definitely has had to take on a lot of the day to day stuff around here (less so now that I’m medicated and able to stand and walk more and more by the day, but still). It’s lonely and scary and it makes sense that the guy fell down some internet holes cuz after a certain point what else do you Do in a day? Feeling useless like that, at least decoding conspiracy bullshit would make you feel like you’re doing Something. (I’m not in danger of that, I got through it by keeping up with friends as much as I had energy for and crocheting and being able to still help a little bit around the house since I was able to adapt some things to be easier for me)

Especially given what happened when he got medicated for his nerve pain. “Re-entering the world from a place of badly diminished self-worth was daunting. Andrea had established her own system of doing things around the house without him, and the kids, now nine and six, had stopped waiting for him to play catch and frisbee long ago. They had their friends, it seemed, and didn’t need him like they used to. Even the radio station had gotten along just fine without having him working full-time in the job he’d held for sixteen years.”

Like holy fuck. At least for me I’m gonna be coming back to things by going to school (nobody can take my classes for me, sure they get along fine without me but that’s cuz that’s how universities work) and seeing my friends in person more and helping around the house more. And I’ve only had a few months of this pain being actively disabling, with a fairly fast diagnosis (I am So So Fucking Lucky, autoimmune stuff is hard to get a diagnosis for since doctors can refuse to do tests or listen to patients). I didn’t spend 3 years trapped in a recliner like Matt did until his nerve pain got medicated. I don’t feel like life moved on without me.

But if things were different? If my pcp hadn’t sent in orders for literally every blood test she could think of? If I hadn’t had textbook bloodwork for lupus? If the rheumatologist hadn’t had an opening for months? If the meds they’ve started me on weren’t helping as much as they are? (I’m still not back to normal but like. Yesterday I was able to go to the library and the grocery store and a game night at my school. Pre-meds I couldn’t have done one of those in a day nevermind all three). If I’d had to spend years trapped in an endless fog of pain while watching the world move on without me, barely able to feel like I was contributing anything of substance and without friends I could reach out to online?

I think it’s important to recognize the places where we got lucky. Where things could’ve been different and led to us going down a different, darker path. It can be really easy to think that people who join cults and conspiracy theorists and all sorts of strange and frightening people are completely different from us. But they’re not. If one or two things had gone better, if one or two support systems had existed, they could’ve been completely different. And likewise, if one or two of my supports had been missing, if I hadn’t been friends with people with a variety of disabilities over the years whose stories and discussions I could draw on, if my medical experience had gone worse. I could’ve gone to some bad places. Probably not the qanon one since I’m worried about falling into conspiracy theories, but there’s other ways shit can go wrong. I’m so fucking lucky it didn’t.

[adhoption]

I’m reading another book with a protagonist in the ‘gentle giant’ mould, and I’m realising how it’s gone from being a something I vibe with to something that rubs me up the wrong way.

You know the type. The guy is a himbo. He’s built like a man-mountain, but he is generous and kind and considerate to the ladies in a setting whilst others aren’t. He’s in a world where strength is power, and plenty of men are willing to start fights, but he can step in and sit them down. He could beat everyone up if he wanted to throw his weight around, but he doesn’t. He only fights when he has to.

That’s pointed out like some sort of contradiction: look, this guy could be violent like the others and be great at it, but he’s decided to be good instead. Isn’t it great, how he's overcome his nature? Born into the body of a thug, but choosing to be a decent person? He is always pitted against cruel, bitter little men, and that contrast is also pointedly made. See, they are born into pacifist bodies and choose to be violent, whereas he is born into a violent body and chooses peace. Isn’t it a miracle?

Except that it’s really the other way around.

Perhaps it’s easier to be violent when you’re a giant, but it’s also easier to be gentle. If everybody already respects you as this hulking presence and backs down when you stand up to them, you don’t need to fight. People only need to fight when they aren’t respected as a threat, and need to prove it. When you’re walking around in a big happy cloud of strength and confidence, it’s also a lot easier to be kind and patient than if you were downtrodden and miserable.

I’ve always found that it is far easier to be magnanimous in victory than gracious in defeat. It’s much easier for the person in the privileged, happy position to extend a hand to the person hurting than the other way around. We cover that in social justice discourse all the time. It’s easier for the person on top of the oppression dynamic to say they are being rational rather than emotional. It’s wrong for them to tone-police someone who is understandably angry and fed-up with what they have to deal with every day, just because they’re shielded from those issues and can talk about them casually.

But it’s something that social justice adjacent spaces also struggle with. I’ve seen too many Hollywood actors paraded out to lecture men on how to be a feminist ally, as if these handsome, rich, famous guys have any shared life experience with the incels who actually need their words. As if they have any idea how their hatred is formed in insecurity and jealously, desperation for affection and validation life has never given them, when they have lived a life beloved and showered in more attention - including romantic and sexual - than they know what to do with. 

Or you get a similar thing with popular, mainstream celebrities coming out to condemn online trolling. It reminds me of a high school setting, where people are oblivious to the various forms of bullying. Imagine there’s one guy in a class who is perhaps neuroatypical, perhaps from a poor household, always seen as a bit shabby and weird. The other kids exclude him. The popular kid invites everyone in the class to a party apart from him. There is one empty chair in the classroom, and it’s the one next to him. Nobody wants to sit with him at lunch. At breaks they gossip in closed circles, occasionally laughing and turning around to look at him.

Nobody ‘bullies’ him in any tangible way that can be shown. But it hurts, day after day after day, being the creepy gross guy who nobody wants to talk to, the guy with no friends. Perhaps he starts acting out for attention. Perhaps, not able to be socialised properly, he lacks tact and hasn’t had his rough edges smoothed off by human company. Maybe he becomes a real edgelord and starts making offensive comments and lashing out because it’s the only way people will listen. He will then be called the class bully, when in fact the whole class are also sort of bullying him through exclusion.

Having some pop darling come out and criticise the online versions of these people is about as much use as having the high school prom king, the guy who hosted that party but everyone but one, come out and condemn this loner: the person people like him helped to ostracise in the first place as a weirdo who didn’t fit in. Again, they have no shared life experience they can judge them on, and coming out to gloat that they have the privilege to be magnanimous in victory is... well, literally adding insult to injury.

But that’s the dynamic stories seem to love. Villains who are pathetic and friendless and have no love in their life, small ugly men with a deformity or disability or just neurodivergence, compared to our hero who is handsome and popular and who then lectures the villain on the power of friendship! But he villain is probably the way they are because they have never been properly loved and always felt like an outcast. it’s criticising the upset loser by praising how well behaved the winner is, when it’s easier for them! In fact, if their lives were reversed, just as with the incel and the Hollywood hunk, they would probably have radically different attitudes and personalities.

I used to buy into the idea that this gentle giant was some sort of contradiction in personality and form, but as I’ve gained life experience I’ve found that the two are basically aligned. What would be more interesting is a character who is feeble, vulnerable, trampled by life, and who still finds the inner strength to be kind. A character who is judged and scorned and mocked and belittled, but who chooses peace. A character who is rejected and excluded, but who still chooses to smile and be friendly. 

That’s what takes real steel, to wake up every day and choose to be kind when you get nothing in return. Not being a strong, charismatic hero surrounded by love interests and sidekicks, getting patted on the back that they somehow manage to be a decent human being despite all of that privilege and love and validation. When that’s contrasted with those villains, it just feels like punching down.

[trails-of-the-past]

Everything about Jeffrey

- since his infancy he was raised to be a likeness of his father. The way how a great financier should be was taught to him from the day he started to talk. It was a painful teaching. - his whole life was well planned, from his father, before he even could think about it. - he's afraid of his father but loves his mother to bits. The Vaporeon was the light in the dark through his childhood. The time he spend with his mother were the best in his whole childhood. - sometimes his mother liked to travel a little bit, it was never very far from his father. Anyway those trips were the greatest, because there was no one who would scold them or would tell that their behaviour isn't normalized or is childish. The best trip was always to the farm of an old friend from the Vaporeon, who helped her with her disabled leg. She was a nice lady and he could call her auntie. - he wanted to be a coordinator like his mother after she told him many storys about her appearances. - in his childhood he was afraid of mostly everything. To talk to someone new wasn't easy because he didn't want to say something inappropriately. He felt save if he was with his mother, so he would be always around her if he was afraid. If he felt off-colour with a situation and she wasn't around but instead his father he would act like a machine. He memorised most of the phrases he has to tell. - has scars all over his front paws. Those came from his father's lessons. Every wrong answer would carry consequences, every consequences meant pain to be sure that a learning effect would happen. The Houndoom would even sink his claws into his flesh, he did it twice, because of this actions Jeffrey lost the feeling in his front paws and they're steadily cold. He always wears gloves to hide his scars, if he's with someone else he even wears them at night. Other scars on his body are better hidden than the ones on his paws. - his father hated it if someone disobey him. He ruled the household with an iron fist, he even wouldn't back away from hurtig his wife and son, physically and mentally . But at the outside he acted like a real gentleman. - he inherited the red hair colour from his mother, his father hated this fact. So he has to dye them brown, something his father would approve more. - he once was engaged to a Skitty named Margaret, the daughter of another financial mogul. Before they were born their fathers arranged this. They met for many times and he tried his best but couldn't feel anything for her, no matter how nice she was. After some time he undid the engagement, but Margaret wasn't unhappy because of it, because she loved someone else anyway. - the day he left home was the one he nearly lost his life. He talked to his father about the engagement he undid and that he never would marry a female, that he didn't want to inherit the firma right now he rather wanted to travel to become a coordinator. To hear that his son was one of those sick lowlife and that he disobeyed him made him furious, so that he nearly killed his son. - even if he was hurt he would smile, because he lerned in from his mother and Margaret. No matter how hard the time was, a smile would at least hide the feelings deep inside and would make the opposite happier. - to evolve wasn't easy for him and something went wrong at this time. The time he accepted everything, the past and the present, was the time he evolved. He was excited to be a Sylveon but his shadow didn't fit his appearence. His shadow was the one of an Umbreon, like he should be and once was. He didn't know why, but if needed, he could even change into an Umbreon, most of the time if he's in a hightly emotional state and needs to protect himself. - as an Umbeon he won't smile and will be the likeness of his father, like he always wanted him. He'll still wears gloves and his shadow will be the shape of an Sylveon. The differend shadow form isn't easily visible. - even if he appears confident, deep inside he's insecure. If somebody insults him or looks disgusted at him, he'll appear strong as long he's with others, but if he's on his own he'll break down into tears and question himself. At those times he can still hear his fathers voice. - on his right wrist he has two deep scars, those aren't from his father, they're self-inflicted. After he was on his own he had a rough time including many insults, physically and mentally, from others and the voice of his father who told him he was worth nothing. More than once he only wanted to never hear them again, to never get hurt again and as a last resort he has no other option to end this. He tried to attempt suicide, but before he blacked out he stopped his attempt because of fear and went to a center for help. - he suffers from strong anxiety attacks. Mostly by night he will wake up and nearly can't breath, his whole body will tremble and tears will form in his eyes, also his bows will hang down. They're a result of the abusive parenting of his father. By day he can control them but by night they're free to roam his mind. To controle them he takes depressants, if he forgets them or didn't take them the anxiety attack will hit him hard. To hide this fact that he needs depressants he hides them in a carton who was once for vitamin preparation. - he loves sweets, not only because of the taste but also because they have a calming effect on him. His mother would always give him some candy if he done something well or to calm him after his father punished him for something he did. - he will embrace others often, personal space isn't a word he knows, but if he get's touched unexpected, on the right wrist is the best example, he will tense up, because it reminds him of his fathers abuse. - he'll address many with 'Darling', 'Sweety' or other terms of affection. -even if he doen't appear like it, he has a great defense. His bones won't break this easy, no matter how hard somebody hits him. That's the only good thing his fathers parenting brought to him. - is excentrical like hell and likes to makes others smile, no matter how.

[thoughtlessghost]

Salem ou alekoum fellow disbelievers,

I decided to write this story down because one of my friends is currently questioning Islam. She said it might be a good idea for me to share my journey to help her and others find inner peace once you have walk out of something you grew up thinking was correct. I think I will make this a 2-3 parts series depending on interest and how she deals with just part 1. There's a lot to go through, and I will try to be brief, but I do not mind elaborating on any section in the comments or private. I am very open and confident about who and what I am. Finally, I want to have at least one part dedicated to my current worldview with the hopes of helping you guys create your moral landscape.

Finally, I would like to complete this preface by saying that I know that we all have personal reasons for leaving a Religion. Some of you have left the faith because you felt as though it was too controlling; others may have felt that God was simply too cruel. I will say that in the end, those were not the deciding factors for me. In my view, only Truth matters. Therefore, for me to stop believing in a concept, it merely has to be proven untrue, whether scientifically or logically. So my journey of leaving Islam did not originate because I had problems with its takes on the world. They occurred in large part because I feel as though Islam is inconsistent with our understanding of the natural world. Given the purpose of writing this is to help people, and that most people don't make decisions based on logic, I will try and emphasize how events and not thoughts affected my worldview to help illustrate how and when the transition occurred.

1. Humble beginnings: I know everybody has a different upbringing, so I would like to give you guys some context of how familiar I was with Islam growing up as a child (4-12). For starters, I am the eldest son of first-generation Algerian immigrants to Canada. This is just to tell you I'm brown, and I went to a school surrounded by non-muslims. In school, I was a troublemaker. I was basically this brainy kid who cared so little of rules and norms that I was almost transferred to this school for a learning disability. In response, my dad would beat the shit out of me every day for not being an obedient student despite my grades being decent (during that period B to B+). Despite his sincerest efforts, I never learned or changed. I'm only saying this because it made Arabic school impossible for my parents to manage since I simply refused to do my regular homework from school. My thinking was something like this: "What's the point of going to ANOTHER school on the weekend and spend all of my time off doing pointless alphabetical exercises in a language no one other than my parents spoke?" This, in turn, limited my exposure to Islam since I didn't interact with other Muslim kids. Finally, my parents bestowed upon me few Islamic teachings or practices. For instance, I fasted, I didn't eat pepperoni pizza, I was a relatively good kid, and I knew of prayer. Still, it wasn't something we did in our household. So I basically ended up with the same amount of knowledge of Islam and Arabic as Mohammed did when he was visited by Gabriel.

2. The quest begins: By the time I reached 14, I began to change mentally (One would only hope). I had stopped being this rebellious kid and became a book worm. I read encyclopedias, watched documentaries, binged read Wikipedia and genuinely wanted to learn everything the world had to offer. Therefore, religion seemed like the next logical step. Another reason that pushed me to that position is my first adolescent trip to Algeria. It was the first time I had truly been exposed to Islam, and I felt like I got a good whiff of what it meant to be a Muslim. And so, I decided I had now come of age and was of sufficient maturity to read the Quran and become a proper Muslim. I purchased a translated version of the Holy Book and waited until nightfall to open it. I vividly remember the mindset I put myself in before opening the book. I told myself the following things:

1. Bismillah. (YAH BOY) 2. I am about to read a book written by a being that is not human. (how fucking cool is that?!) 3. It is a book of ultimate and limitless knowledge and is the literal word of God.   4. It will guide me now and forever, for it is a timeless work meant to guide all of humanity.

By the time I made it halfway through Al-Baqarah, the second chapter of the book, I was mortified. For whatever reason, God presented himself as a terrifying merciless being. So many verses spoke about how powerful God was, and for some reason, it felt weird to me. It's almost like Bill Gates flaunting billions at a homeless person or a fisherman trying to shame a fish on how it cant breathe once it's out of water. I also felt as though too many verses spoke about eternal damnation instead of collective upbringing. In essence, it wasn't the book I expected. I was hoping for the key to save my soul and help humanity. All that ran through my head was that I was unworthy and had to dedicate myself or else face the consequences. But I persevered. Over the next few days, I kept reading while trying to keep an open mind, but I was definitely feeling perplexed. What I could not wrap my head around was the following: If God can indeed do anything, why can't he have a son?  Like all this talk about how Powerful he is, but he can't have a son?

It was around this time I started to explore other religions. However, there were so many religions that existed that it would take an eternity to study and contemplate every single one. So I elaborated the following shortcuts:

1. I skipped Judaism because a "true" faith can't have fewer subscribers than the city of New York. That also threw a bunch of other religions out the window. In my view, a Divine being should do a good job of spreading his work even if he has to do it remotely. 2. I skipped polytheistic religions like Hinduism because multiple Gods seemed odd to me. 3. Buddhism didn't have a deity, can we, therefore, call it a religion?

By that flawless logic (lol), I thought that Christianity was likely to be the One True Faith. But there were inconsistencies. For starters, the faith had multiple subdivisions and multiple versions given the Bible was written after the life of Jesus. Suffice to say, I agreed with most Muslim criticisms towards Christianity's essence manipulated by men. If Christianity is the real deal, then God would have cared a little more. As a side note to my thinking, the book of Narnia really helped me appreciate Christianity. It portrayed a more merciful caring version of God that wanted what was best for his disciples and all that existed. Yet the feeling of a merciful and just God was simply not sufficient to make me convert.

And so I started to think about atheism. However, I could still feel the presence of God. In the end, I just felt discouraged. I wrapped my head around the whole thing when I realized there was a possibility I was simply too immature to understand Islam or the Quran. So, in the end, I decided to postpone my immersion in the faith until later.

3. I committed: By the time I reached 16, I had started rereading the Quran, which actually flowed better this time around. I was relieved to know that my 14-year-old self was simply too childish. Eventually, I stumbled upon a verse akin to the following: Oh, Believers look into the world, and you shall see evidence of Islam. It felt as though God challenged me to learn science and search for proof of his existence in the natural world. And so, I did.

So one thing that occurred to me growing up is that I wanted to learn everything. By the time I reached 12, I thought to myself that if I knew every word in the dictionary, I would end up knowing everything. But the dictionary was dull. So, I decided that if I know how all things came about by reading history, then I would end up knowing everything. So when I read that verse that said learn science, I was ecstatic.  I just doubled down on my readings and started to focus more on scientific theories. I read about physics and the origin of the universe. I read on chemistry and the nature of matter and atomic bonds. By the time I reached biology, Darwinism quickly became very problematic. I thought really long and hard about how to counter it. I started to read into Intelligent Design and watched Islamic Scholars debate atheists. Still, it didn't make sense to me since the evidence for evolution was just overwhelming.

I voiced some of my concerns to a Muslim friend of mine in High School, and we had this long-winded conversation in which he convinced me he was right. I wish I remembered exactly what he said, but I remember him instilling upon me enough doubt to make me not drop the faith. Following that conversation, I decided it was time to commit to Islam finally. Here are a few things I started to do: 1. I started praying 5-7 times per day. 2. I read the Quran. 3. I would watch videos daily on what it meant to be a Muslim and how I can improve on my practice. 4. I would fast every once a while. 5. I went to the mosque whenever I could since it was far from where I lived. 6. I even helped start our prayer group in High School. In that group, we would all sit and eat together. We shared food, laughter and drinks. We were a brotherhood through and through, and for a time, it was good.

Reflecting on this period, I was one standard deviation from being in a CIA hit list. I literally messaged Benjamin Netanyahu on YT, encouraging him to stop his occupation of Palestine and to seak a peaceful approach when engaging with my brothers and sisters. Despite these friendly messages, some darker thoughts flowed through me. So I will say that there definitely is some credence to the idea that the more radical a Muslim is, the more you should worry about him, especially if he is a dude.

So when I say I genuinely believed 100% of what the Quran said, I really did. Some people will say: "Well, yea, I also used to be that way too." Well, I think I took it to another degree. For instance, when I used to walk, I would think to myself there are two people next to me—these immortal, holy beings made of light were sent by God to watch over my every move. I must, therefore, walk and behave in the utmost perfect ways to not only impress them but also uphold my honour. I was 16. 

4.The Masturbation/sleep problem:

Now I'm going to say that the period mentioned above lasted about 6 months. During this period, despite my holier than thou behaviour, I was still a man, and I had urges dawg. Every once in awhile, i.e, once a week, I would lament hypothetically at my hypocrisy. Repression creates obsession; truer words have never been spoken. The more I fought my urges not to masturbate, THE MORE I HAD TO. I created this whole inner mathematical system based on the number 19 since its a particular Islamic number. Basically, I would only masturbate around times when I could calculate 19. To me, it meant God approved of my addiction. I ended up using the time since my alarm clock was next to me. Its such warped logic don't look too much into it for when there is a will there is a way and I can get creative. Here are a few noteworthy examples:

1.Its 1:09 AM. Shit that's 19 to me since all you have to do is ignore the 0, and you have 19. 2. Its 1:45 AM. You guessed it 19. 3.7:00 PM. 19. 4. 12:07 PM. Unzip. 5. 12:17. PM shit, that's 19 too. 12+(1 times 7). Guess its Time for round 2.   6. 12:35 PM. FUCK I have to again you see 1+2+35=38, which is 19 times 2. EYYYY

[Insert COOMER MEME.]

To get over this dissonance, the Devil was responsible for these intrusive thoughts. I was a holy man of God, after all. But the voice that told me to unzip my pants and wax my carrot was the EXACT same voice that told me to go bed when I didn't want too. In the end, I knew deep down temptation doesn't come from the Devil. It comes from me. I decide what I do with my life, not some off-world entity. Keep in mind for later its just this thing I noticed. The Mosque event: So the day started like any other Friday prayer. The Imam began to speak about how God has no equal. He went on about how great and awesome of a sky Chad he was. He said that although he had no equal, there was another being that was insanely powerful as well. My eyes lit up, for I loved Islamic lore. He said that among non-God entities, the strongest was Gabriel. Eventually, he went on to say how to associate any other thing to God's power was literally the worst crime a human could commit. Shirk was worse than murder, he said. It literally guarantees you a trip to Hell.

And so given that I was human when I am told not to think about something, I immediately start to think about it. So I began to think well what if Gabriel stood up to God. I do not know what came over me but I got a literal panic attack from this. [Insert meme it was at this moment he knew he fucked up]

As the Imam had so eloquently put it to associate anything to God, you just committed the worst sin ever. I kept trying to tell myself not to think about it. Still, it just kept repeating it over and over again despite my sincerest efforts. I legit left the mosque and went back home and prayed all night, hoping God would forgive me.

The next morning was wild. I was basically schizophrenic since I kept thinking God was going to smite me for I have sinned. Crossing the street was so hard since I felt God would turn a car invisible and run me over or would simply kill me there where I stood. I lived in utter fear since I felt as though I had a bounty on my head. The inner world that I worked so hard to create had fallen apart from stupid, intrusive, thoughts. How the mighty have fallen.

5.Rethinking the Conspiracies:

A few days later, I started to rethink everything inside my head once I started to calm down. I felt as though my fears were way too irrational for the type of person I usually am and that I could not regain my sanity by thinking I was unworthy. I just simply had to work my way back up to the top fam.

During this time, I also began to rethink my understanding of the political world. For starters, as far back as I can remember, I have always been anti-authority. I believed in political realism, and so large corporations or governments always used their powers to oppress others. And so, what began as a soft-hearted liberal who thought 911 was an inside job turned into a cult of devil worshippers who rule the world and are trying to get us into the End Times.

This political worldview of a small elite who use the Devil to gain off-world power was further validated my understanding of Islam. In my view, the END WAS NEAR. Eventually, people took my ideas and thoughts in High School, and it became its own thing. Just to give you context on the time here, but it was when Lady Gaga dropped Bad Romance, and Kanye West and Jay-Z dropped Watch The Throne. We would analyze the videos and look for satanic imagery, but I always felt like that was a tad bit too far. Why are they being so apparent about something that's supposed to be secret? Predictive-Programming can only go so far after all. I began to pushback on this worldview, and I went so far back that Islam was caught in the cross-fire.

This turned into a three-month-long journey. I started by revisiting natural selection, and I realized that I duped myself. I just did not understand natural selection well enough to defend my position 6 months ago. I read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I binged watched George Carlin, and he really helped me overcome any anxiety I had towards leaving my faith because, like him, I really did want to believe in a deity, but I started to realize all of the inconsistencies. [I will elaborate more on this in a later part]

5. The social consequences: By the time I left my faith, I was open about it. I have always been vocal about what I believe in, and I simply told all of my prayer brothers why I stopped going to prayer. Needless to say, they weren't pleased about it. Unlike Elementary School and as a result of our immigration policies, High School had more Muslims in it, and many hated or criticized me for questioning the faith. As time went on, they became more toxic and vicious in their opposition, and so I called them out on their shit. I told them that I am on a journey like each and every one of them, and if they don't want to talk to me anymore, I would not care, and if they wanted to fight me, then bring it on. It was the last time any of them said anything to my face that was negative. Some of them never spoke to me again, some spoke to me less. I respected their choice and moved on; whether they respected mine mattered not. All that I cared about was that I felt that I was moving forward in my life. Eventually, the Muslim prayer group fell apart, and everything went back to normal in my High School.

Now, all of what I wrote happened about 10 years ago, and despite standing up to my fellow peers, I still haven't mustered up the courage to tell my parents. Honestly, I'm glad I still haven't. To this day, I have a good relationship with them, and they are far more religious now than they were. It seems like an egregiously unnecessary thing to do that will not only sour my relationship with them but also with their future grandkids. That just seems too selfish for my liking despite my usual vocal tendencies.

End of part 1.

[jpy693en-blog]

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[seadramonster]

Everything Bad Darkstalker Did in Darkstalker Legends

Originally, I was going to get evidence from all of the books, but wow. I feel like all the evidence I need is just in his book and his book alone. If you want me to go through all the other books and find other stuff, I will. I will be putting quotes down along with the page number(I have the hardcover version so I don't know if the softcover version has different page numbers) if you want to fact check or whatever.

Before I get into this I need to point a few things out; Obviously, spoilers ahead so if you haven't read Darkstalker's book I highly suggest waiting unless you're like me and don't care about spoilers. Press J to skip past this post if you want to avoid spoilers.

Do I hate Darkstalker? Not really, no. He’s not my favorite character, but I quite liked him as a villain. I feel like there were some things Tui could have done better, but Darkstalker’s book is one of my favorites. What I do hate is the fandom’s portrayal of him by using his abuse as an excuse for his actions.

Yes, I know Darkstalker grew up in a home where he knew his father hated him and his parents were always fighting. He made it clear that he didn't care for what his father thought of him(whether or not this is true considering that Darkstalker is an unreliable narrator is up for debate, but considering how Darkstalker is, I'm willing to bet that it's true.)

Yes, I know Darkstalker has a mentally disabled sister who he loves with all his heart and will do anything to protect her.

Yes, I know Darkstalker loved Clearsight and Fathom and felt betrayed when they turned on him.

But here's the thing; I grew up in a household where my parents were always fighting and I have had many people I cared deeply for just up and abandon/outright betray me in the past, but I didn't attempt a complete takeover of the entire continent or genocide because of it. A character's childhood abuse or dysfunctional family could be used as an explanation for their actions but it does not excuse their actions. While I do understand why Darkstalker turned out the way he did, that does not mean what he did was right or can be excused just because of the environment he grew up in. A character who was abused, especially one who attempted genocide, is no less a villain than a character who became a villain because of some other reason such as jealousy.

Not to mention how absolutely arrogant, manipulative and just downright extremely disrespectful for the feelings, choices and opinions of others Darkstalker is in general.

TLDR for those who don't have the patience or time to go through this entire post. If you want me to go more in depth about a certain point below, just ask and I can copy/paste all of the relevant information to that point in an ask because this ended up being really long;

Darkstalker hated and wanted to kill his father the moment he hatched, was so selfish and desperate to be the center of attention he denied his sister the chance to hatch under the three moons

Constantly broke his promises to and enchanted Clearsight without her knowledge or consent

Attempted genocide and murdered his father(who would have never killed him, by the way, Arctic states he could never kill his own son) 

Completely disregarded what future Clearsight wanted and manpiluated her into the one he wanted without any care for what she thought of it

Completely ignored the trauma that Fathom suffered as a result of watching his entire family get murdered right in front of him as a result of animus powers and constantly tried to force Fathom into breaking his oath to never use them again. Also attempted to enchant Fathom to forget about his oath and stop loving Indigo and then later sealed Indigo away and made it look like she abandoned him.

And finally, Clearsight literally did not know what happiness was until she met Listener and avoided Darkstalker for as long as possible because she was terrified of him and was practically forced into the relationship because if she didn't the entire continent would be doomed

Keep in mind that’s the short version and all of this is just from one book.

One the first things Darkstalker wants to do after he hatches is kill his father. This is not only weird and strangely violent for a literal newborn character, but it's also proof that Darkstalker was violent as a literal infant. The only reason he didn't attack and try to murder Arctic was because Darkstalker sensed that Arctic loved Foeslayer. "The dragonet immediately wanted to turn him into a fiery ball and blow his ashes away. But inside Father, hidden under layers of ice, pulsed a small, warm ember of love for Mother. That was the thing that saved him." -Legends Darkstalker page 11

Deliberately does not help his sister hatch the same day as him because otherwise she would be special like him. Here it is shown that while he does care about and love his sister, he desires attention and is willing to do selfish things to achieve that. "No. This was his. All he had to do was nothing. His sister would come out in her own time, tomorrow when the moons were no longer full. Then he would be the only special one." -Legends Darkstalker page 17

He also did so because there was a chance she would stop him. He is fully aware that she could have helped him, but instead he chose to play it safe and got rid of any chance she could have been a threat. "This is my mother. These are my full moons. This is my world now." -Legends Darkstaler page 17

This is just Chapter 2. This is Darkstalker as a newly hatched infant. And in this chapter we learn several things; Darkstalker hated and wanted to kill his father immediately, Darkstalker loves his mother so much he wasn't willing to share her with his own sister for a certain amount of time, Darkstalker is so selfish and power-hungry that he denied his sister the chance to hatch under the three full moons because he saw a few futures where, if she did, that she would be a threat to his future plans. He was like this from the very beginning. His personality would likely be the exact same way it is later no matter how his father treated him.

In Chapter 5 he is bitter towards everyone about spying on his arguing parents which is understandable. Later on he intends to lie to his sister about something their father had received; a letter that stated if he killed Darkstalker and Whiteout he could return to the Ice Kingdom. Considering the fact that it is hinted that Whiteout does have the ability to read minds and see the future, she was likely aware that her own brother was lying to her. "'I'll tell you later,' he said. When I come up with a lie that you'll believe." -Legends Darkstalker page 50

Sneaks into his parents' bedroom to read the letter despite having read their minds and already knowing what it said. While this isn't such a huge deal, it's still an invasion of their privacy. Darkstalker page 51-52

It's also confirmed that the hatred that Darkstalker feels towards his father has existed since the moment he hatched. He is also shown as being a bit arrogant here, where he mentions his father can't do anything to him because Darkstalker has powers, even though his father also has animus powers, is older than him and is far more experienced in battle. "Darkstalker never worried about why his father hated him. It was mutual and instantaneous upon his hatching, so it didn't particularly affect his life. Besides, he knew his father couldn't do anything to him, considering Darkstalker's powers." -Darkstalker page 53

Clearsight literally spent all of Chapter 7 avoiding Darkstalker because she was afraid if she met him too soon it would cause one of the bad futures. His own soulmate was afraid of him before they formally met and she felt like she had no choice but to risk those bad futures and meet him because not meeting him would mean doom for the entire continent. While she loved Darkstalker, it doesn't change the fact she was practically forced into this relationship. She felt like she needed to constantly watch him and outwit him so he didn't go down a bad path. Clearsight is full of anxiety mostly because she knows exactly what Darkstalker is capable of and spends the entire book trying to stop him but eventually fails and is forced to seal him away. They loved each other, but this was not a healthy relationship because of just how toxic Darkstalker is.

Clearsight was literally afraid of making friends because she was terrified it would end badly, probably because of Darkstalker. She didn't even know what happiness felt like before she met Listener, because her entire life up until that point was her being terrified of Darkstalker. "Listener grinned sideways at her and flicked her tail. Clearsight felt a burst of weird bubbles in her chest. What was that? Happiness?" -Darkstalker 101

It's also mentioned by Clearsight that "[Darkstalker]'s been keeping all his powers pretty quiet so far. I wish I couldn't see so many good AND bad reasons for that." -Darkstalker page 101

Darkstalker defends his sister after she is insulted by a group of other dragonets when she interrupts their game of marbles. While he does go about dealing with this well at first, he then proceeds to give away the thoughts of the other dragonets without asking them and it likely ends in the three of them no longer being friends. The dragonets were rude and racist towards his sister, but they had already apologized before he did this. "'She was cheating anyway, all he can think about is his crush on her sister, and he is thoroughly sick of both of them and wishes he knew anyone interesting. Have fun with your marbles, friends.' He turned and escorted Whiteout away, leaving the three dragons glaring at one another" -Darkstalker 105

Darkstalker promises to stay out of Clearsight's thoughts when they meet. While he does seem to keep this promise, he later regrets this promise just a chapter later. Clearsight mentions a week-long storm that happens three days after the first day of school, meaning That Darkstalker started to regret his promise only three days after meeting Clearsight. "He regretted promising to stay out; it was interesting in there." -Darkstalker page 112

He is well aware of the things that she can do and he mentions that her surprising him is fun at the time, but then mentions it might not be later. "She switched the future like a long tail, keeping him off balance. It was fun. Maybe it wouldn't always be fun, but it was for now." -Darkstalker page 113

He then mentions that "he'd have enough worshipers, one day". Yikes. -Darkstalker page 113.

He then reads her mind and while he pulls back he mentions he should be able to do it for the dragon he's supposed to love. As the book goes on, he continues to try and do things that will make her trust him so he can nudge her into the future he wants instead of figuring out a future they both want. He completely disregards anything that Clearsight wants. I will go into more detail as these things happen.

He fails his father’s animus test because he is so mistrustful of his father he didn’t want to risk him doing anything while Darkstalker was too young to defend himself. iDarkstalker page 117

He then says "'Never tell me that my father is right about anything. Not if you care about me.'" when Clearsight points out that Arctic is right about animus magic being dangerous. And she is right, as proven later in the book. Darkstalker's line, "Not if you care about me" is extremely manipulative and is a giant warning sign that you are in a bad relationship. If someone says this to you frequently, talk to them about it and if they continue to do it, get out of that relationship. Darkstalker talks about ‘if you care about me’ and yet he continually manipulates, lies to and breaks promises to Clearsight and gets away with it, but then he turns around and claims she doesn’t care for him when she agrees with his father about something(which, surprise surprise, he turns out to be right about later on). -Darkstalker page 117

He then lies to Clearsight directly after that by saying he didn't look past meeting her, even though it's made painfully obvious that he has looked into future, judging on what he has said throughout the book so far. And then he outright admits to himself that he has looked into the future where he did become the king of the NightWings and he knows that Clearsight, his soulmate doesn't like that future so he thinks to himself that he has to manipulate her onto that path until she does like it. "She wouldn't love hearing that, though. She had to be steered carefully into that timeline, until she could see how perfect it was." and then continues to lie to her about looking into the future. Darkstalker page 117-118

He then breaks his promise, again, and reads her mind again when they find the injured SeaWing on the beach. "Her thoughts were so loud and tangled with grief that Darkstalker couldn't avoid hearing them (or so he told himself)." -Page 121 That "Or so he told himself" line is important because it shows he is willingly listening to Clearsight's mind after he promised her three days earlier that he wouldn't.

The first thing he does when he hears Fathom's name is become jealous. His immediate thoughts are, "A friend one day, perhaps, but certainly no one to be so devastated about if he didn't make it. A peripheral character in their great love story. So why was Clearsight so upset? Was this someone he had to worry about?" -Darkstalker page 122. He doesn't see any dragon as being important except him, Clearsight, his mother and his sister. He is extremely arrogant and sees Fathom as a threat despite knowing absolutely nothing about him.

Listener points out to Clearsight that Darkstalker has been blocking mind readers from his mind, a skill that dragons don't learn until they are seven. -Darkstalker page 132

She then points out that Darkstalker only says he's staying out of Clearsight's head. Clearsight admits she was worried about it. Clearsight does not trust Darkstalker. She fears him and she wants to trust him, but she just can't. -Darkstalker page 133

Darkstalker admits that he enchanted the window boxes of their neighbors to grow pear trees and turnips instead of whatever the dragons were trying to grow. He then admits he's going to do something similar to their new neighbors once he figures it out. Darkstalker is using his powers to inconvenience others. While he has a reason for it, the neighbors were being nosey, it doesn't make it right. This is probably the most harmless antagonistic thing Darkstalker does with his powers. -Darkstalker 137

Darkstalker puts all of his animus magic into a scroll and it's purely to make Clearsight trust him and prove that he was nothing like his father. While this does help Clearsight to trust him, she is still worried about him keeping his promise and asks him to make her something that will stop other mind readers from reading her mind. She tells him it's about Listener and other mind readers and Darkstalker agrees to it. Darkstalker page 143-144

Darkstalker's animus powers are revealed and he loves the attention he's getting from other dragons. He's then invited to the palace to welcome Fathom and Indigo and it's here that we learn he made a special earing for himself; "This one was enchanted to make everyone who met him think he was exceptionally handsome and charming."

He tries to talk Fathom into enchanting something that takes away the memories and fear of the massacre and notes that he needs to be careful of Indigo when she is suspicious of him. He does everything he can to make them trust him. Despite knowing what happened, Darkstalker can still not understand why anyone would give up so much power. "What kind of animus gave up all his power forever?" -Darkstalker page 185. This question is framed in a casual and almost accusatory way, like someone asking "Who puts pineapples on pizza?"

Darkstalker then uses the "I can help you be happy" line and Indigo immediately knows that he is trying to manipulate Fathom into doing what he wants instead of respecting the choice that Fathom has already made. -Darkstalker page 185

Darkstalker then makes it known to the reader that the tail band is enchanted to kill anyone who touches it instantly. He doesn't kill Indigo immediately because "First, though, he wanted to Fathom's reaction." While it is understandable why he would be willing to fight back, he makes it clear that he sees Indigo as an enemy and dangerous to his plans and is completely willing to murder her. -Darkstalker page 186

"'Maybe he's planning to kill us later.' No, just you, thought Darkstalker pleasantly." -Darkstalker page 186 Pleasantly. He is thinking about murdering a dragon he just met and he does so in a way like he's about to go on a walk in the park.

He puts off killing Indigo, for a while, because it would destroy Fathom, but continues to think about ways to get Indigo out of his way.

While he does want to help Fathom, he completely ignores the trauma that Fathom has been through and makes it his mission to make Fathom see how wonderful animus magic is, something that Fathom is now terrified of after seeing his entire family get slaughtered by it.

After the encounter with Indigo Darkstalker makes himself immortal. Knowing that Clearsight wouldn't like it, he writes the spell farther up in the scroll, near the beginning where there was enough space to do so. He then thinks about what he could do to other dragons, now that he knows he can enchant himself. -Darkstalker page 213-215

He mentions that he should have enchanted the necklace that Clearsight is wearing in Chapter 19 to make her feel as beautiful as she looks, which she replies by telling him that it wouldn't be okay for him to change her feelings with his magic. Keep that in mind for later. Darkstalker page 217

Darkstalker, after creating the soul reader, continues to try and make Fathom use his powers even though Fathom has made it clear he is highly uncomfortable and terrified of the idea. He does not believe that Fathom can be happy unless he can use his powers confidently. -Darkstalker page 227

When his mother is taken by Queen Diamond, Darkstalker's immediate thoughts are to murder the queen. He blames his father for his mother being taken, despite Foeslayer being the one who ripped the earring off, even though she knew it was the only thing protecting her. -Darkstalker 249

"Clearsight knew that there were only three dragons that Darkstalker loved" -Darkstalker 253. Darkstalker thinks little or nothing of other dragons and Clearsight believes he only became friends with Fathom because she wanted him to.

He is also not above murdering children. "'Those little dragonets will grow up to be a part of this war,' he pointed out. 'unless we stop them.'" -Darkstalker page 255

Darkstalker turns Indigo into a wooden statue and tricks Fathom into thinking she's abandoned him by writing a letter. -Darkstalker page 269

Broke yet another promise to Clearsight that he would wait before doing any spells so that she could be there when he did it to find out who hired Quickdeath to kill him. -Darkstalker page 301

Darkstalker enchanted earrings so that Clearsight would only see the visions he wanted her to. -Darkstalker page 307-308

Attempted to kill the queen after she hired an assassin to kill him and felt no remorse for breaking Clearsight's trust and going against her wishes to enchant her. Darkstalker page 310-311

Put up a border that killed any IceWing who tried to enter the Night Kingdom. -Darkstalker page 314

Enchanted his father to listen to everything he says. -Darkstalker Page 322

Despite knowing that Clearsight doesn't want him to, he refuses to listen to her and is adamant about taking the throne. -Darkstalker page 325

Thought about enchanting Fathom so Darkstalker wouldn't have to listen to his thoughts all the time and force him to be happier. "Something that would shift Fathom's brain into a much quieter state; something that would take all that freaking out and stuff it away where Darkstalker didn't have to listen to it all the time." -Darkstalker page 326

Thinks about again enchanting Clearsight against her will even after she made it clear she was not okay with it to force her to be happy. "He knew they would be happy together again, even if it required a little magic." -Darkstalker page 330

Ordered Arctic to cut out his tongue and disembowl himself in front of the entire NightWing tribe. -Darkstalker page 333

Was willing to kill Clearsight when he realized she had taken his scroll. "Maybe there would be no queen on the throne beside him." -Darkstalker page 335

Wrote spells in invisible ink to prevent Clearsight from reading them -Darkstalker page 345

Enchanted a goblet to make Fathom forget his oath and stop loving Indigo. -Darkstalker page 345

Enchanted a knife to kill an IceWing every full moon for a year or until Darkstalker summoned it back. This could have easily killed any young dragonets as well, if they had been in the Kingdom of Sand at the time for any reason, since he did not specify the age of the IceWing or if they were a soldier. -Darkstalker page 346

Made many spells to torment classmates he didn't like and haunt Queen Diamond with all the ways he planned to kill her. -Darkstalker page 346

And that's just in Legends Darkstalker. He is an interesting character, but he is not in any way a good person and you should not be shipping him with anyone because it could never be a healthy relationship unless you completely change Darkstalker's entire personality. Tui herself says you should never date someone like Darkstalker.

I get that people love tragic characters and that's fine! The main issue here and the entire reason I made this post is that fandom has a horrible habit of overlooking or pushing aside the bad things these characters do and or pushing the blame onto someone else. They latch onto what the popular people in the fandom believe, even if that portrayal of the character is the exact opposite of what is actually canon.

Arctic isn't a good person either, he's horrid in a lot of ways, but Darkstalker chose to do these things himself. Arctic never forced him to and tried to stop Darkstalker from using his powers by warning him of how dangerous they could be. Darkstalker didn’t listen and continually used his powers to harm others, something he chose to do all by himself, even after being told not to by pretty much everyone who cared about him.

[rory-the-rude-blog]

Task 001: The Devil is in the Details

((Trigger warning: Question 60 asks about self-harm.))

The computer screen lit up in front of Aurora, showing her her own face as picked up by the small camera. She looked bored - and what a coincidence, because she was bored. But this session was necessary, according to the medical staff. “To make sure your memory hasn’t been affected by the cryostasis,” one of the doctors had told her, like she was speaking to a child. What they didn’t say was that they were checking their psychological profiles again - because that had to be a factor, right? Space madness was not great for crew morale.

The screen changed. Her face was replaced by the Apollo Corporation logo, formed out of lines of code. Samson’s voice rang out clear from the speakers.

“State your name and access code.”

“Aurora Roth, Access Code 13122101. But you knew that already.”

Samson did not respond to her sass. ‘He’ only proceeded to explain the rules of the test. Respond as thoroughly as you can, so your answers can be compared to the results on your file. Do not purposefully lie. Do not answer ‘I don’t know’. 

“Are you ready to proceed? Only answer in the affirmative if you have understood the assignment.”

Aurora sighed. “Let’s get this s**t over with. Ready.”

Personal

1)      Age?

“Twenty-five. Twenty-six this December. No, I have not forgotten my own birthday.”

2)      Gender?

“Female. Cisgendered.”

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation?

“Not f**king interested. S**t, wait, I didn’t put that before. Fine then. Heterosexual.”

4)      Height?

“5′1, but tall enough to kick ass. Make a note of that, robot.”

5)      Race?

“Caucasian.”

6)      What do you look like?

“Christ, this is like a first grade homework activity. Um. F**k. How do I describe myself? I have light-brown-slash-dirty blonde hair that hangs just past my shoulders, with bitchin’ bangs. My eyebrow game is strong. I have blueish-grayish eyes. And I’ve been told I have resting bitch face. Good enough?”

7)      Any disabilities?

“The inability to suffer fools. It hinders me on a daily basis.”

8)      Is there a meaning to your name?

“My mother picked it. If there was ever a special reason why, she never told me. With her personality though, I’m just grateful I wasn’t named ‘Crystal’ or ‘Jewel’. Hey, are all these extra comments going to register negatively? Am I going to be told I have memory loss because I’m being a f**king chatterbox?”

9)      What makes you, you?

“I...? What??? F**k. I guess my sparkling personality? ... Hey, what do you mean ‘incorrect’?! That’s f**king rude. Is it my trucker mouth? I put my trucker mouth before, didn’t I?”

10)   What did you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life?

“... Be happy. And needed.”

Family

11)   Do you have parents? What are they like?

“Growing up, it was just my mom and I. Mom never really spoke about Dad - unless we were fighting, and then he was everything wrong with me. ‘You’re a demon, Aurora, just like your father.’ ... Yeah, I don’t hold out much hope for him being a nice guy.”

12)   Do you have siblings? If not, do you wish you had siblings?

“I’m an only child, and I liked it that way. I was pretty solitary growing up.”

13)   Extended family? Do you see them often?

“None. Again, pretty solitary.”

14)   Do you like where you live? Is it a safe place?

“Back on Earth, I lived in The Bronx. The neighbourhood could be pretty dodgy, but our apartment block at least had mild security. I could handle myself though. Do I like the Atlas-7? Sure, I guess.”

15)   Where do you live? Are they wealthy, poor or middle-class?

“Mom and I were lower middle-class. And now... do I get paid for this? S**t, I better get some kind of luxury for risking my neck out in space.”

16)   Do you have a lot of expectations or pressure on you from family to do great?

“From my mother? Hah, f**k no. I don’t know if she even knows I’m up here. ... I hope she does. I hope she’s proud of me.”

17)   Do you have pets?

“We never had the space for one. I would’ve loved a snake. Or a snapping turtle. Something mean-looking, like me.”

18)   Who do you look up to the most in your family? Are you close with them?

“Not really much of a choice when it’s just me and one other person, is it? I guess Mom and I were close at times. I have some good memories, at least. I drifted away a bit in high school, and, well, she never pulled me back. That’s that.”

19)   Is there anything special about your family?

“I come from a long line of psychics. I s**t you not. Some of my ancestors were spooky accurate with predictions.”

20)   Do you wish you lived in a different household?

“Nah. What’s the point of fighting the hand you got dealt? I made do with what I had, and it wasn’t all bad. It made me strong.”

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)?

“A few good friends, but only one best. Matthew Reyes is, without a doubt, my best friend. He’s the one who inspired me to do this.”

22)   Who was your first friend?

“Matt, again. We clicked pretty quickly once we actually had a chance to interact.”

23)   What is your friend group like?

“Pretty f**king big. We were one of those groups that split off into different groups, and mixed and matched. There was my group - Matt, Nathaniel (Matt’s then-boyfriend and now-husband, and very sweet Latino boy), Jeanette (the eternal ball of sunshine), Vaughn (the mysterious one) and myself - and then the “popular” group - Evangeline (the ice queen), Benji (the jackass), Angela (the cool bitch), Gabe (the stoner-who-wasn’t-a-stoner-but-looked-like-a-stoner), Lavender (tailor aboard the Atlas-7. Never liked her) and her boyfriend, Will (the worst person alive). Despite our differences, we were pretty tight. Lavender and I managed to get all of the others aboard the ship as civilians. It’s one of the only nice things I’ve ever known her to do.”

24)   Do you have a love/hate relationship with any of them?

“I love Matt and Nate, and hate Benji and Will. Does that count?”

25)   Do you consider any of your friends to be like siblings?

“Matt is like my brother. I was one of the first people he came out to, and he was the first person to ever just accept me for me.”

26)   Have you ever hurt a friend or lost one?

“I’m sure I’ve hurt them plenty, but it’s not my problem. They know I’m blunt and honest. If they didn’t want to get called out on their bulls**t, they shouldn’t have f**king done it in the first place. Loss-wise... does having friends frozen in time count as losing them? Because I’m feeling that loss pretty hard.”

27)   Do you have a crush on any of your friends?

“God no. It was bad enough watching them all shack up with each other. I’d hate to actually be part of one of those relationships.”

28)   Do you share classes with good friends?

“We all used to have at least one class with each other - well, Matt, Nate, Jean, Vaughn and I did. The others were a year above us. They probably shared some classes.”

29)   Who do you go to the most when you need a shoulder to cry on?

“No one. I was the strong one of the group. I don’t really need anyone to share girly emotions with, since I’m 100% pure man.”

30)   What would you do without your friends in your life?

“Spend my days charting, navigating and mapping stars and other space matter, and my nights rooming with a treehugger.”

School

31)   Did you complete your school career?

“I finished high school and went on to college before joining the space program. I wasn’t studying anything special.”

32)   Did you like your teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one?

“Does anyone really like their teachers? I had a few average ones, one or two that didn’t quite click with my learning style, and a handful who I enjoyed. Same as everyone.”

33)   Did you listen to your teachers or were you goofing off a lot?

“I was a good student. I pick up a lot just by listening, so I tended to pay more attention in class so I could study less.”

34)   Were you a good student grade-wise?

“I was steady. Nothing to write home about, but nothing bad. Mostly Bs.”

35)   Did you need extra help?

“Nope. Matt and I used to help Nate with his English though. That was fun - and f**king hilarious too. I love Nate, but his English wasn’t bueno.”

36)   What was your school like?

“School was like school. I went to public school for a few years, then got into one of those psuedo-fancy academies for my later years of high school. We had one of those uniforms with the blazer-and-skirt combo. Blazers do not look good on short people.”

37)   Did you have bullies in your school?

“Every school has their s**theads, you know? And it’s always important to remember that anyone can be the villain in someone else’s story. I’m sure a few people would call me a bully - not that I ever actively went out of my way to be a bitch to someone. But not all bullies are the stereotypes you see on TV.”

38)   Have you ever gotten into a fight at school?

“Plenty. My crowning achievement was when I split Benji’s lip after he made Jeanette cry. For the next week, he flinched every time he tried that sleazy smile of his and made the wound bleed again. Good times.”

39)   Have you ever done something stupid or embarrassing at school?

“I was involved in Nate’s promposal for Matt. It... it was so gay. Was it embarrassing for me? Nope, I loved it. For Matt? That’s another story.”

40)   How far do you plan to go with school? Do you want to go back?

“I think I pretty much hit my peak. This is what I’m doing with my life now, and when we’re done and rehabilitated onto another planet? Well, who the f**k knows?”

Other

41)   Are you dating anyone? Do you want to date? Are you married? Divorced? 

“Jesus Christ, Samson, what are you, a trashy gossip mag? No, I’m single - always have been - and that’s the way I like it, thank you very much.”

42)   What is your favorite hobby? Do you keep it a secret?

“I like plotting the demise of my foes. No, seriously. I sit and think about ways to hurt people who’ve hurt my friends, in the privacy of my head. Is that a tad sociopathic? Maybe. Do I look like I give a f**k?”

43)   If you could have one thing in life, what would it be?

“Matt, happy and unfrozen.”

44)   Do you work?

“Do I work? Yes, dips**t, I’m a navigator. I didn’t forget the whole reason I was here in the first place.”

45)   Do you use social media?

“Nope. Never been interested.”

46)   Have you ever been in the hospital?

“Does when I was born count? If not, then no.”

47)   Do you believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see?

“Surprisingly enough, yes. Judge me if you must. I don’t care. My family have had ‘experiences’.”

48)   What do you do when you get angry, stressed, or upset?

“When I’m angry, I blow up. Punch things. Swear. That kind of thing. I don’t really get stressed, to be honest. And my ‘upset’ equates to my ‘angry’. No room for sadness here.”

49)   Would you consider yourself to be a good person, bad person, or morally grey?

“Chaotic good, maybe? Just because I’m rough doesn’t make me a bad person. I don’t know if I necessarily qualify as a ‘good person’ either. Morally grey, I guess.”

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc)

((OOC: Hahahaha. Aurora is probably one of the most opposite characters of my own personality that I play. We both don’t take bulls**t, and can be a bit confrontational, but she’s way more extreme than me. We both have great eyebrows though.))

Health

51) Have you ever been seriously injured?

“Surprisingly not. Some scratches and bruises from fights, but I’ve never broken a bone or anything.”

52) Any allergies?

“I’m severely allergic to bulls**t. Other than that, I’m allergic to nothing.”

53) Do you get sick often?

“Whenever I started coughing or sniffling as a kid, Mom used to give me this godawful herbal concoction. I think that disgusted my body into never being sick again. I had perfect attendance at school.”

54) Do you need to take medicine for anything?

“Luckily not. A few of my friends were on the pill for their sex lives or cramps or some s**t, but I was never one of them.”

55) Are you a hypochondriac?

“That’s a negative.”

56) Do you even like going to the doctors?

“Seriously, Samson? This s**t is on my file? No, I very rarely went to an actual doctor, so it isn’t something particularly dear to me.”

57) Do you brush off injuries or seek help?

“I brush them off. I’m tough, and I don’t want people worrying about me. That’s just how I’m built.”

58) Do you know first aid?

“Nope. If I’m your last chance, you’re f**ked, I’m afraid.”

59) Do you have health insurance? If so, how good is it?

“Didn’t really read the fine print, but I’m sure the crew has some kind of insurance. Not that we have to pay for any kind of treatment while we’re up here. It’s free real estate.”

60) Have you ever harmed yourself?

“No, Samson.”

Favourites

61) Favourite animal? Why?

“The honey badger, because it doesn’t give a s**t. Ravens are cool too.”

62) Favourite type of music? Why?

“Kelly Clarkson is a goddess, and all of her songs are cool, punchy ballads for cool, punchy chicks.”

63) Favourite place? Why?

“My bed. It beckons me into the sweet, sweet abyss of sleep, where I am free to do whatever I want.”

64) Favourite food or drink? Why?

“Matt’s mom used to make the best strawberry cheesecake. I’d sell a kidney to taste it again.”

65) Favourite type of clothing? Why?

“Knuckledusters, because they get the job done. Other than that, I like hoodies. They... make me feel safe.”

66) Favourite time of day? Why?

“3AM, when I am deep in the clutches of sleep. I don’t know. I don’t really have a favourite time. Things like that don’t matter to me.”

67) Favourite season? Why?

“Winter, when the outside world is as cold and grey as my soul. Plus you can live in your hoodie and people won’t give you weird looks for wearing a hoodie because it’s hot.”

68) Favourite story, be it from a book or something like a myth or fable? Why?

“I don’t like fairy tales. They’re unrealistic and make people act like idiots in the hopes of finding their ‘happily ever after’. That s**t doesn’t exist for everyone. I like stories where people get their comeuppance.”

69) Favourite thing to learn? Why?

“A bit of everything, I guess? I might not like people, but I like learning about them. I’m observant. I pick up on a lot. I like learning curse words in foreign languages too.”

70) Favourite scent? Why?

“Rose water and bad quality incense. It smells like home.”

World

71) Do you live on Earth or somewhere else?

“I lived on Earth. Now I have no real home except for a big metal spaceship.”

72) What time period do you live in? 

“Last I checked, it was 2038. Unless something got f**ked up along the way.”

73) Anything special about your world?

“The fact that it’s a spaceship is special enough, yeah?”

74) What are your world leaders like?

“I, for one, support our AI overlord, Samson.”

75) What is the state of your world like?

“Structured. Orderly. Routined. Let’s see how long that lasts.”

76) Do you wonder about your place in the world?

“No. I’m hardly the philosophical type. I’m more of an ‘in the now’ kind of girl.”

77) Is your world in contact with other worlds?

“Does Earth count as an ‘other world’ now that we’re not a part of it? If so, yes. If not, then no. No green squigglies have tried to probe us yet.”

78) What area of your world do you live in? 

“I live in the f**king Amazon Rainforest. No, Samson, I know we’re in space - it’s a f**king analogy. My room is super f**king humid because my roommate is growing her own plants. Doesn’t she have a whole farm lab for that? Christ.”

79) What is the wildlife like?

“By ‘wildlife’ I’m assuming you mean ‘men’. They’re big and lumbering. Or they drink. Nothing new.”

80) Do you have a religion or belief in a higher being?

“I’ve never believed in a higher being. Too much s**t happens in life for it to be part of some grand plan.”

Skills

81) Do you know how to fight?

“F**k yes. Please tell me there’s a demonstration needed.”

82) Can you drive? 

“Nope. Mom and I could never afford a car or anything like that. I used to walk everywhere.”

83) Can you swim?

“Yeah. We had swimming at school. I hated it.”

84) Are you handy?

“Relatively so. I’ve had to do a few DIY fix jobs in my life.”

85) How quickly can you learn something new?

“I taught myself everything I could about the stars and interstellar navigation in less than a year. So, pretty f**king quickly, I’d say.”

86) Can you speak more than one language?

“Fluently, no. But I can hold a basic conversation in Spanish. Gracias, Nathaniel.”

87) Can you read and write?

“I, indeed, can.”

88) Do you have any survival skills?

“Survival like camping? F**k no. Survival as in protecting myself on the streets? F**k yes. I’m pretty good at self-defense.”

89) Can you cook?

“A few basics. I used to make lunch for myself a lot. It wasn’t anything special though.”

90) Any unusual or unique skills? 

“Did I mention previously that I’m slightly psychic? Because that’s unique. I have way too many premonitory dreams for it to be a coincidence.”

Other II

91) Do you believe in destiny and fate? Do you think it can’t be changed?

“There’s no such thing as fate. It’s an excuse people use to be lazy, or to explain away s**tty things. Situations can always be changed if you get your ass into gear.”

92) Do you have any regrets?

“No use crying over spilled milk, hey Samson? I am who I am. I’ve done what I’ve done. No regrets.”

93) What do you fear the most?

“Letting my friends down.”

94) Do you believe in love at first sight? Soulmates? That love never dies?

“None of the above. There’s no such thing as ‘true love’. People waste way too much time and energy deluding themselves otherwise.”

95) Can you play an instrument?

“Nope, I have next to no musical talent.”

96) How messy is your room?

“I’d prefer it to be tidy, but apparently my f**king roommate has already decided otherwise. There’s nature junk everywhere.”

97) Can you dance?

“Yes. Take that secret to your grave, Samson.”

98) Do you like to meet new people? Do you like people in general?

“No, and no. I’m not what you’d call a people person. Being frozen for ten years hasn’t changed that.”

99) Are you hopeful for the future?

“I suppose? I’m not getting my hopes up or anything, but, I mean, this mission has to succeed..... right?

100) Why did you make this OC and maybe even the world they live in? Just cause? Or for some other reason?

((OOC: Aurora is one of my most refreshing characters, simply because she is just absolutely 100% unapologetically herself. She’s always been quietly self-sacrificing - so what better position to put her in than in space, where she could quite literally sacrifice her life for her friends? She’s a lot deeper than you think. I look forward to sharing her with everyone.))

[system-architect]

i can’t rememb if i already sent an ask but if not could u mayhaps do peej

u did send an ask which i will get to in a second but i am gonna happily do pj anyway!!

Personal

1)      Age? he’s 24 and a big shit who’s weirdly conscious about being 24 despite the fact that thats sTILL YOUNG so he lies and tells people he’s 21

2)      Gender? trans gay trans gay trans gay. he’s a very GnC trans guy who hasn’t transitioned too much bc he likes how he is

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? gay... he’s a big gay. loves men

4)      Height? he’s 2′10″ aka min height haha pj small

5)      Race? asura and like metaphorically a fckn demon

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). like a bush baby.......... uhhh he’s a very small lithe asura with wild ass fckn scene tier spiked up hair and his eyes are Indeed freakishly huge and he’s got sort of piebald esque markings and he’s also got spots of black pigment on his tongue and gums like some dogs do! i’m just gonna link art again

7)      Any disabilities? tbh he might have occasional breathing issues from his eye size and the constant vaping. also.. Some Stuff Happens During PoF but its not anything conventional that you might be expecting...

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? nope OOPS that one asura name generator spat it out at me actually! it stuck and i thought it was a weirdly funny name for an asura while also sounding p decent

9)      What makes them, them? he’s this image:

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? tbh his life is very stagnated atm and he’s not sure what he wants. to keep surviving, he guesses

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? he’s an orphan! his parents are unknown... he was raised in an orphanage by this very prim and proper asuran lady who was very secretly kind of a party gal on the side

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? again, orphan, so family questions are hard to answer cus he doesn’t know anything about em

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often?

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) he has A Flat up inbetween arkentia valley and magus valley in rata sum (i pretend there’s more out there than there actually is jhkfgd) which is also near where the glitch is located! it is fairly safe and he is quite fond of it, although he’s at the club most of the time

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i just kinda answered this but he has Money honestly....... running a luxury nightclub that’s a front for your shady information trading business will do that for ya huh

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? the orphanage owner wanted all her little adoptee children to be Starlets and tried to teach them proper etiquette and get them into refined fields........... pj is successful but in the most opposite way from this possible

17)   Do they have pets? nope and thats probably for the better

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family?

19)   This there anything special about their family?

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? he’s constantly torn about like... the concept of having blood relatives out there [hopefully]........ he’s not sure if he wants to know about them or not, if he would’ve rather been raised by them or not. it’s alluring but scary

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? his best friend is Kinda his ‘secretary’, kessa, who is a whispers agent plant in his club that helps him run the place in exchange for siphoning information from it. PJ is aware she’s whispers and kessa is aware he’s aware she’s whispers and they have a tentative and tense but friendly??? bond. it’s like, thin ice all the time but they’re also quite close. both her and pj are savvy and sort of take turns greasing the wheels of their various dealings; i think kessa is a bit bolder and craftier than pj and more organized oops. as far as kessa as a person, she’s a tall butch with cherry red dyed hair and she goes by the nickname ‘lucky’ due to the shamrock shaped marking over her right eye. she prefers masc looking clothing and she has a suave flirty personality with a quick wit and a snarky teasing sense of humor

22)   Who was their first friend? hgjkfdgh he’s never had many friends unfortunately. he tends to drive people away...

23)   What is their friend group like? a lot of people hang around him for general exterior motives like money and status.. not many people genuinely like him

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? like everyone................... ‘i need you but i dont like you’ etc

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? definitely a lot. he’s a very abrasive person who can get fussy and picky and two-faced

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? alas yeah half of pjs ‘friends’ are people he wants to smooch but its in a very vapid fashion.... even w/ deeper crushes pj isnt gonna be gettin any genuine love

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? he might drunk cry to viel or kessa and i dont think either would know what to do about it

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? despite having shallow ‘friendships’ a lot of his self esteem revolves around popularity and being well-liked so he’d be... super crushed

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he got like 30% of the way thru statics courses for political science and dropped out because he hated school... he was naturally savvy and talented with debate and an excellent candidate for a worthless weasel-y politician who can screw anyone over within a sentence but he just hated the whole school system and didn’t fit with it and getting into arcane politics wasn’t something he really enjoyed, it was all super backstabby but simultaneously Goody Two Shoes and he haaated it

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he probably butted heads with all of them and hated being told what to do

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? definitely goofed off and didn’t care. he was good at stuff when he was asked to actually do stuff so why bother paying attention to boring stuff he already knows?

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? stellar marks on very specific fields and tests and debates where the school system actually lined up with his talents but terrible marks otherwise

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? he was probably arbitrarily assigned a tutor due to his low marks but was uninterested in actually being helped and was a catty piece of shit the whole time

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? he’s a terrible worthless rat trash man and there was probably gossip that flew around about him but he loved hunting it down and intimidating the daylights out of the people who started it. even as a child he was a notorious drama monger and tattletale so it’s kinda in his nature. pj is a literally terrible person i’m so sorry to anyone who likes him for w/e reason

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? probably not many physical ones altho he’s def been punched a few times. most of his fights were probably weird high strung drama that contained a lot of passive aggression and counter-gossip and maybe some good ol fashioned blackmail

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? hard to categorize bc he’s a walking embarrassment

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he dropped out and has literally 0% intentions of going back ever. and not as a char development thing either-- he’s never going to want to go back even if he improves as a person. it’s not his thing

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? pj pretends he’s shallow and only wants A Good Time but a bit more under the surface he’s absolutely desperate for more genuine bonds and wants Love And Affection and pretends ppl love him when they’re makin out idk. he’s a sad sad man

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a boring egg who should probably pick up a hobby

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? what he’ll say he wants is like, more money/successful business but what he Needs is a kick in the ass to work on improving himself and to earn some friends who genuinely like him and to find a Meaning for himself

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? shady information traderrrr he deals in secrets and identities of the asuran underworld

45)   Do they use social media? probably uses asuran instagram and snapchat

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? probably for some very dumb injuries tbh

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? again weird Q in context of gw2 but superstitions... he’ll claim he’s logical but he’s prone to suggestion wrt this stuff and a huge chicken

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry on bathroom floor with bottle of wine

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he avoids thinking about this too in depth bc he knows he’s a bad person haha..... he’s a bit messed up atm because this doesn’t motivate him to improve despite knowing it. he’s just kinda... yeah im awful so what if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yeah he’s a bit representative of the time period of my life where i was overfocused on Being Hurt and wallowed a lot in my trauma and i felt i was justified in being a pretty nasty person for whatever plethora of reasons, but i was stagnating and it was all hurting me really badly even if i wasn’t ready to accept that it was hurting me. i felt a huge sense of impending doom and not knowing what to do with my life or if i’d ever get better...

[laniidae-passerine]

you know how I said I’d elaborate? it’s time to elaborate

1. narcolepsy trigger

okay so I have discussed this with some people but I think the two best kinds of narcolepsy triggers for S.Q to have are either the same as his uncle’s or anger, with the latter being more likely in an au.

The amusement/positive emotion trigger is fun because we can get him finally expressing his narcolepsy more often around his new family (he’s happier so it’s triggered more often, they probably discuss it more) and also the absolute pain of him not having been happy on the island often, so he was perhaps unaware how severe his disability actually can be. I think it would be weird for him to have never been happy post age 12 (when narcolepsy starts to present itself in the majority of people who have it) so it’s likely he knows he has it, but not how often it would affect his daily life in a positive environment. If he shares the same trigger as his uncle I think it would be a reason for his father’s distance from him - S.Q is far too similar to Curtain’s brother and so he wants to keep him away, likely at the start to not take his anger out at his son and later on because he struggles with just how similar the two are.

However. The anger trigger is amazing for multiple reasons. It’s very easy for this to be not noticed as narcolepsy because S.Q rarely gets genuinely angry - even when he was upset with Reynie the main emotion there was betrayal with anger a slightly more confused secondary feeling. It would have to be pure or sincere rage or anger to trigger an episode, something very difficult for him to summon considering how he was raised to be obedient and polite. Secondly there’s the issue of guilt. Anger is not a positive emotion to feel and the only clear catalyst for anger in S.Q would be his father - meaning that if he was diagnosed on the island, he would feel extremely guilty every time his disability was triggered because he’s being rude to his father. How dare he be angry at the man who takes care of him, who loves him? I don’t think Curtain would accuse him of that (he’s terrible but not the world’s actual worst dad) but S.Q would definitely have those internalised thoughts. Finally, he’d have a lot to work through once he’s been separated from his dad in this au, so the fits would be even more common when he’s in the Benedict household, likely spiralling into added guilt, upsetting him more. Luckily he now has a safety net of people who let him feel angry and also who don’t mind him feeling it towards them or other people as long as he talks about it and works through it.

2. narcolepsy ‘expression’

by this I mean, how does a narcoleptic fit express itself when S.Q is experiencing one? I think both are ‘great’ from a writing standpoint but personally, happiness triggering a cataplectic collapse is amazing and anger resulting in a blue screen of rage is amazing. Happiness is an emotion that can be surprisingly easy to access, so he would have to grapple with the fear of being knocked out every time he was happy just as he was learning how to be consistently happy. If anger is the trigger, then it explains why he may have been quieter on the island or struggled to be around other children because as we all likely know, school and classmates can be very anger inducing sometimes and shutting down completely would be a difficult thing to deal with in social scenarios. It would also provide a juxtaposition to his uncle and connect him to his father, who has unsuccessfully attempted to repress his disability and instead shuts up any access to his emotions or vulnerability, much like a mental shut down. Also leaves him in his head and struggling with making friends, which is awful but we don’t let the boy have a break!!! sorry not sorry but also quite sorry

3. his father’s response

It feels unlikely that S.Q was adopted at a time when his father knew he had narcolepsy. It isn’t prone to showing itself in young children (can be as early as seven but unlikely) and develops around the start of people’s teenage years and obviously S.Q was adopted at an early age. Therefore him having the disorder (it’s not hereditary so it’s likely his biological parents didn’t have it) would have come as a surprise to his dad. I believe that Curtain wouldn’t have neglected his son’s disability - he’s a manipulative bastard but he can be sensitive, especially to issues that he shares with people, and likely would have made sure S.Q was educated and aware of his narcolepsy.

When S.Q was younger, he’d definitely be more physically affectionate and reassuring about the condition - can see him running for pillows or catching S.Q when he fell if that’s how the episodes presented themselves and making sure that S.Q had a safe environment to snap back into if he blue screened. I don’t think he’d stop taking care of his son but it would be more distanced over time. He’d catch S.Q but wouldn’t hold him till he woke up, wouldn’t be there once S.Q shook off the mental freeze, wouldn’t ask him if he was okay when the episode was over. He might encourage repression or imply weakness if S.Q had fits due to his own personal projection, driving a wedge between them. Occasionally though, I can still see him leaping across a room to catch S.Q, carefully making sure he was sleeping alright on the couch, keeping him away from things and people that might set him off. That awful brand of love that only he has expressing itself.

However, I think the trigger is the biggest issue for them. If happiness is the trigger that clearly connects S.Q more to his uncle than his dad and that would upset Curtain. Obviously because of the whole vendetta against his brother but also because it’s happening again. He’s done everything right (highly debatable but still) and somehow his brother is still winning. He got adopted, he got the family and now even with decades of space between them, Nicholas is closer to his son because they share the same spirit and kindness and now the same narcolepsy trigger. It would make him angry and cause feelings of guilt and vulnerability- possibly even triggering an episode of his own! - leading to him viewing S.Q as a problem. Put him at arms length and do not get further attached.

If it’s anger, then Curtain feels affronted by his son’s episodes. What right does S.Q have to be angry, and at him of all people? If they were particularly close before then this gets even worse - he can see when S.Q gets angry at him and he doesn’t know why. It blossoms into resentment and once again hits him where it hurts, meaning that he sees S.Q as ungrateful and a personal threat. Just both of them continually feeling resentment and breaking down at the worst times, a cycle of anger and guilt and frustration damaging their family bond.

Either way, neither of them can win.

had a thought on the train and now I can’t let go of it (S.Q has narcolepsy au S.Q has narcolepsy au S.Q has narcolepsy au S.Q has narcolepsy au S.Q has narcolepsy au S.Q has narcolepsy au-)

[reflectionsforalostsoul]

Time just slips away...

TRIGGER WARNING

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TW Suicide

I’m just not really sure sometimes. Some days I feel okay, and the others I get sad again. My memory loss has affected me greatly. 

I will find a note on my phone or something on a piece of paper that I had deemed important, maybe a moment of inspiration or a message to Ronnie and I no longer have any idea what I am talking about. I found some lovely story notes yesterday that I had written a couple of years ago. I only know the time frame because I like to send myself messages on Facebook so I don’t forget things and happily I stumbled across messages where the names matched up to some of the notes in the notebook. I had been fretting because at the time I wrote the stuff down I had used abbreviations instead of names at times. One I saw repeatedly was MC, which I assumed stood for main character. A logical assumption, right? Yet another I couldn’t figure out. Repeatedly I saw a ™ referenced. Docs keeps correcting this to a trademark symbol (facepalm). 

It has been bothering me a lot. I had done a lot of work and I obviously cared about this character, but couldn’t glean from the notebook what it stood for. I hate writing things by hand, and evidently thought it wasn’t necessary to fully write it out. If I focus really hard I can vaguely recall the inspiration. It is of course mine, there are usually recurring themes in stories that I plan to write. But what did it mean?

Then today in messenger I had typed it out. Swype keyboards are so much faster than writing in pencil, thank god!  Taxi Man. How did I forget that? You obviously don’t know what Taxi Man means, so let me explain it to you, as best my memory can allow. 

My childhood was kind of rough. 

My family was quite poor and my parents didn’t have what you would call a happy marriage. My Father was abusive to everyone in the household. Both mentally and physically. When he was home sometimes it felt like being in a literal nightmare. You know that prickle of terror you feel on the back of your neck in a nightmare sometimes? Or those moments where you were so terrified that when you tried to scream no sound could escape your lips? It was like that sometimes. My Father was prone to mood swings, drank, and abused drugs. He had a myriad of problems, and refused to work. Just to give you some background on my state of mind when I first encountered the Taxi Man. 

So, to say I suffered from depression would be too simple. I was 14 years old and also dealing with normal hormonal changes. Ah..puberty. It will wreck you emotionally. Compound that with irregular periods and you have a recipe for disaster. 

I often thought of suicide. I didn’t really want to die, but I wanted my life as it was currently to end. I was tired of my life. Tired of the abuse. Tired of feeling alone. I cried constantly and did anything I could to avoid going home. My Father and I butted heads frequently. I was the only one in the house who dared stand up to him. 

This wasn’t what you think normal teenage drama is like. I was not rebelling because I wanted a late curfew, this was literally, “How fucking dare you put your hands on my Mother!” I had been terrified of him as a child, but there are only so many times that you can be hurt and pain still work as a fear tactic or parental deterrent. It wasn’t always in defense of my Mother either. Sometimes it was for my little sisters’ sake. 

My Father had quit working when I was about six and a half years old. He was trying to get disability for carpal tunnel, so my Mother got a job full time. My sisters were 2 years and 6 months old, respectively. If you thought my Father was going to change diapers or maintain the house while my Mother worked you’d sadly be mistaken. 

I am not complaining. I was never resentful. I had always been what my Mom called a Mother Hen. I loved my little sisters. So, I changed diapers, gave baths, brushed their hair. I dressed them, tucked them in, and tried to teach them stuff. How many times did I work on ABCs or counting? The situation was a bit confusing for them though. My youngest sister called my Mom frequently, and even the other made that mistake at times. I know it broke my Mother’s heart. She had missed out on the most important time for development in my youngest sister’s life, but there wasn’t anything to do about it. She had no family close by and I think was still trying to maintain appearances about her relationship with my Father. 

My Mother broke my heart. To me she was the most magnificent woman. I knew that I had the prettiest Mom. She had a beautiful singing voice. She was smart. Well read. But so painfully shy. She was that kind of person who couldn’t ever speak up for themselves. I remember being frustrated going to stores with her when I was young because she was too shy to ask an employee for help if she couldn’t find something. We would instead wander for what felt like hours until she managed to find the item she was looking for, or something that would just have to do. I am a protective person, it is just my nature, hence why Mom called me Mother Hen. So eventually I would stop a store employee and ask for her. She never would have asked me to do such a thing, and maybe this embarrassed her at times too. But to watch your parent struggle over such a simple task is heartbreaking. I couldn’t fathom why she had such difficulty speaking. 

But I loved my Mother and would do anything for her, so I decided to be her voice. I was always a rather take charge kind of person. 

So, of course I argued for her sake. I argued for the sisters that I loved in a deeper motherly way. I couldn’t stand how he treated them. It is one thing to pick on someone who can defend themselves, but my Mother and little sisters could not. That was our life. I could go on and on, but it is enough to give you an idea of why I had suicidal ideation. 

So, let me tell you how I met the Taxi Man. It was in a dream. The dream started with me sitting in the front passenger seat of an old fashioned Taxi. From the 1940’s, with pronounced fender flares. 

It was nighttime and we were traveling down a winding road with open fields for as far as the eye could see on either side towards a forest. In the driver seat sat an ancient man wearing a top hat. His shoulder length wispy grey hair was disheveled. A tag hung from the band of his hat, though I don’t know if it said anything at all. It was probably too old to have anything legible on it. His suit was tweed with patches on the elbows. He had a dingy white cravat that I imagine would have fluttered hauntingly if the windows had been cracked. Definitely someone interesting that you would have tried to absorb every detail of, but I was beginning to panic at not knowing how I got there.

“Where are we?” I asked, panic rising in my throat.

That is when he turned and reached towards me. That is when I saw it.

He had no eyeballs. 

His eye sockets were empty aside from small flames. You know that prickle feeling I mentioned earlier? It was happening now. He did not answer me, nor did he touch me. He instead reached past me, opened the glove compartment, and returned his hand to the wheel. I turn from him and look inside and am surprised to see a small television screen. 

It clicks on, and I am unable to look away, for I see myself in my own bedroom. I am sitting on the floor with letters scattered all around me. Mascara courses down my cheeks as I sob uncontrollably. I am unsure. I don’t remember this ever happening. Then the screen darkens again. That is when the Taxi Man spoke. 

“You killed yourself. That is why you are here.”

I quickly glance around and see that we don’t seem to be any closer to the forest, though the car has never stopped moving. The small television blinks back on and I see a funeral. There is a church, my family, and even classmates standing in groups talking quietly. My Mother stands by my casket crying into a scarf. She looks devastated and broken. My sisters are holding her hands, but their heads hang down. They do not lift their gaze even when someone stops to offer condolences. 

Then I see my ex-boyfriend walk in by himself, carrying a white rose. He pauses at the back of the room, the prospect of my casket seeming too much for him to handle. 

“It has not been decided yet.”

“What hasn’t?” I gasped. 

“Where you are going. You’ve killed yourself. I cannot take you to Heaven. So you will have to wait while it is decided. It is going to feel like an eternity.”

Again I noted that the car was not any closer to the forest, though the car kept a steady place. It suddenly made sense.

“Is this purgatory?”

The Taxi Man just nodded, his lips curving slightly. Was it an attempt to smile? I didn’t sense any malice from him. Just eternalness, and maybe… Maybe this was his way of trying to comfort me. The thought of an eternal wait, with your very soul hanging in the balance is quite frightening. 

It was an important dream to me. It felt so real. Like I had been given a warning. I thought of the Taxi Man frequently throughout the years, even sketched him a couple times. I just cannot forget him. I even dreamt of him more recently, though the interaction was not always pleasant. So, how did I not realize what ™ stood for in my notes? It is a frustrating thing. Though I never stay sad for too long. I always forget and move on to some other train of thought. Thanks for listening.

[horrificmemes]

LOTS O’ Tips on Writing: Blindness

Hey y’all, so I’m not really a reference blog exactly, but I figured I would share some of my experience in writing (and in life) with a character type that a lot of people seem unsure of how to represent. That would be characters with partial or complete blindness. I myself have one character who is completely blind, and I too am on the low-sighted spectrum, so I figured I’d clear up a few misconceptions about characters with blindness! This is a long post, so part of it is under a read-more, but I include subjects ranging from medical details to describing non-visual senses to handling romantic relationships.

1) Blindness is totally a spectrum. Someone who is legally blind at 20/200 vision doesn’t see “nothing but black”. In fact, people who are legally blind can sometimes see enough to use some adjusted devices or read large-print books! Legal blindness (or low vision) means that someone’s eyesight is very poor even with their highest corrective lenses. 20/200 means that something 20 feet away from them has the same definition as something 200 feet away from a well-sighted person. That’s why 20/20 vision often represents “perfect” vision, because objects at 20 feet look like they’re... well, 20 feet away. Sometimes, legal blindness can be caused by natural degeneration from severe myopia (nearsightedness) from age, extreme strain, or just genetics.

2) When thinking of what a visually impaired person experiences as far as sight, ask yourself if the description is necessary first, then listen to interviews or podcasts for a description if you do need it. Please don’t take the word of someone with no eye function at all and apply it to someone with severe myopia or cataracts, because blindness varies. People with one cause of blindness may have cloudy vision, extremely blurred vision, ‘missing’ spots in their sight, or lack of color, while someone without any eye function (or without any eyes at all) will wonder why you’d even ask! Often “a black void” or “nothing but white” isn’t exactly true. Someone who doesn’t see color or light won’t see a lack of light either! Black? White? What? You really don’t have to even describe what they "see” unless they are partially-sighted.

3) Characters with all forms of disability can still do some badass shit. They can defend themselves as well as another character, they can learn to navigate a new space, they can play games and run and be athletic. They can be artists, musicians, or even own their own business. They can do their own household chores. They can be great parents. They can use modern tools and devices with the right adjustments. Don’t be afraid to let them accept - or ask for - help, but please don’t make it seem as though they’ve become useless. Give them all kinds of talents! (for example, my visually impaired muse can channel spirits, tends to her own herb garden, and is a classically-trained soprano. Possibilities are endless, you guys!)

4) Cause of blindness should be known if you insist on describing your character’s full facial appearance and how their blindness affects them. But remember this: you don’t have to draw attention to the appearance of someone’s eyes constantly. Don’t let that be the only thing that defines them. Here are a few tips though: many people who are legally blind have very ordinary-looking eyes. The cloudy white/blue eyes you often see is usually from diseases like cataracts, while paled eyes without visible pupils may be from congenital (childhood) glaucoma. Other forms of glaucoma cause black spots in the iris. Cataracts and glaucoma can coexist in one person. Eyes can have an inflamed red sclera from bacterial infection-induced blindness such as meningitis. Some infectious diseases require removal of the eyes (we see this in cats and other animals all the time). There are tons more reasons. When researching the cause of your character’s blindness, pay attention to the level of impairment, because not all causes of blindness have the same outcome!

5) People whose eyes have nerve damage don’t always move perfectly together. As tempting as it is to give your visually impaired character the ability to eerily stare directly into someone else’s gaze all the time, often people who lack nerve control in the eyes have issues of mobility now and again or even constantly: eyes that move independently, one or both eyes that won’t move at all, one pupil stuck in full dilation (anisocoria), and they may not be aware that their eyes are moving in odd places. Please don’t use this as fuel for humor, as some folk go out of their way to cover their eyes constantly because of this. Speaking of cover, not all visually impaired people wear sunglasses like the cliche in movies. Many will wear them in public because their eyes are very sensitive to light rays or because the light gives them horrible headaches, while others choose to cover their eyes because they’re aware that their eyes lack mobility control or they’re shy about a drooping lid/etc. Not everyone who has problems with vision wears something over their eyes.

More information on memories, relationships, and making the best of five senses are in the read-more!

6) Memories - let’s talk about memories. Often, someone who goes completely blind before the ages of 7-8 won’t have many visual memories at all once they reach adulthood. They may not recall color, details of faces, or how to visually recall the shapes of objects. Objects may be described with adjectives such as “sharp”, “bumpy”, “dry”, “cold”, etc. Dreams are often not visual in this case. Please avoid the stereotype of “my character has been blind since birth, but they can see perfectly in their dreams and recognize everything just fine” unless something wickedly supernatural or divine is at work. People who are blind still dream! Some have reported extremely vivid dreams that are a lot like their waking life - full of smells, taste, tactile senses, emotions, sound (and fury, signifying nothing). That was a Shakespeare joke. Fight me. Also remember that if your character has recently gone through surgery to regain sight, they could likely still automatically rely on other senses out of habit or to ‘check’ what they’re perceiving. Sure, they can see that flower pot in front of them now, but maybe they want to touch it too. Who wouldn’t? Flower petals are super nice and soft.

7) The other five senses are amazing. Did I say five? You bet your ass, I did. Because there’s one sense people tend to forget, and that’s ‘aura’ or ‘proximity’. Have you ever been sitting with your eyes closed, but you can feel someone walk behind you even if they’re trying to be super quiet? If that can happen to you, it can happen to someone without vision also! Don’t be afraid to note that your visually impaired character isn’t so vulnerable that they’re startled by everything. It’s fine to let other characters be delicate or careful with them, especially if they’re still getting to know one another and their friends are being considerate, but you don’t have to make them so paranoid that they never trust their surroundings. Have them smell someone’s shampoo as they walk by. Have them hear a whisper from an adjoining room. Have them sense the electricity of their partner just as they’re about to embrace them, or lean in for a kiss without having to be guided because they can find their lips by feeling their breath. Let them be courageous with their hands, identifying objects or people confidently through touch. Let them initiate. 

8) Speaking of partners: just because your character may not be able to see someone’s face/body doesn’t mean they can’t be attracted to them, have crushes, lust after someone, or fall in love. Think of a sighted character for a moment. What do they love about their partner or crush? I’m sure you’ve got a list of over a dozen things unrelated to appearance, and guess what? Those are perfect here! Your visually impaired muse may adore someone’s voice, their scent, their laugh, how soft their skin is, their calloused well-worked hands, how long/short their hair is, playing with their thick curls, how warm their hugs are, their sense of humor, their determination, or some talent they have that makes them incredible. Don’t refuse your character an experience without a solid reason.

9) On that same subject, it shouldn’t even need to be said: visually impaired characters cover all ranges of sexual and romantic preference. Absolutely your character can be ace, aro, or a combination. But please avoid the excuse of “they don’t feel attraction because they can’t perceive beauty, so therefore they aren’t fit for a relationship”. If sexual preference was all about how nice someone looks, I’d have 4000 pictures of Ryan Reynolds on my bedroom wall. A+ face right there. Then again, I may still make a collage of his twitter posts.

10) Give your character tools. Not just a cane, but let them use their whole body to help them navigate. Counting steps, listening for cues in a certain area, touching the furniture, and relying on memory as well. Let them walk the streets about town, remembering a certain smell from the restaurant two blocks from home, or the sound of the coffee grinder from the bookstore at the corner. In a modern verse, using an ATM card is a great way to let your character make purchases without making them worry “shit, did I just give them a $20 for my $5 purchase?” Let your character organize their things in such a way that they can pick out their necessities confidently. Independence, people!

11) Here’s a bonus note: some people have used echolocation to help them navigate (usually by tapping a cane or other tool against surrounding surfaces to feel/hear the vibration return to them). This is super cool but also super rare to do perfectly. If this is your character’s thing, it’s very significant and special to them - unless they live in a society where everyone is capable of it, this is a talent that will make them stand out and should be used wisely. It’s easy to collect lots of super cool talents and abilities and realize all too late that some people might be rolling their eyes at a very over-skilled character.

12) Your visually impaired character can be clumsy. They can have terrible sense of direction. They can be anxious or easily startled due to their natural disposition. They can mix up their night and day. All of that is fine, but it’s not all necessary. Don’t forget to sprinkle in some useful skills or even a positive outlook! A character with blindness is not a useless character or a helpless character, and one person with a visual impairment may handle their daily life completely different than another. You can have a character who is blind but not a source of pity.

This is not a complete list of everything you’d need to know, but it’s a start if you’re very interested in RPing as a character with some level of blindness. I hope this helped, and if you have questions, please feel free to IM me or ask a question off anon so that I can answer privately. :)

[eenefangirlanalysis]

Ed calls out for his friends to stop.

I know this is supposed to be serious but Eddy looks cute trying to act scary.

Still, this is unsettling because Edd and Eddy are actually fighting one another off screen. It’s best that viewers don’t physically see them as it may have been too violent. Who would have wanted to see Eddy punch Edd in the eye?

Is this a hug fight?

Eddy appears to be strangling Edd’s face while Edd looks as if he’s tickling Eddy.

Remember in Cry Ed Edd stated that he never hit Eddy?

His mind has definitely crossed to the dark side.

“I demand you tickle each other right now!”

Have the Eds ever tickled one another whenever they had arguments? We should have seen this. Eddy once tickled Edd but that was only because he was messing around. And in Fistful of Ed they made up by eating hot dogs.

Ed could be confusing this expression with hug it out. He tends to mix up his wording. Ed never did this throughout season 1. He was able to speak in complete sentences and act like a normal person. He wasn’t all that abnormal in the early seasons until the writers changed his character.

The writers were able to fix the flaws they did to Edd and Eddy’s characters, but they went too far with Ed. The viewers would find it strange if he began acting like his season 1 self again.

This may be a reason to why he was left out from the story so much. But, I’m really happy with how his character works in this scene. This fact will always remain true.

I feel like Eddy isn’t even trying to fight Edd. He restrains his fists. He only physically hurts Edd once while Edd gets physical more. Edd looks as if he’s trying to gouge out Eddy’s eyes. This kids dark side is quite unsettling. Edd makes it clear to never mess with him.

Eddy would rather talk things out then fight. A deep contrast from Bro. This trait will come up once more at the end of the movie. 

It’s interesting seeing how Eddy has been abuseful towards his friends. He is very aware that it is wrong. His past with Bro messes with his mind.  Eddy is stuck between his bro mask and trying to be who he truly is. Eddy has no idea who he is making it difficult. 

“STAY OUT OF IT, ED!” Edd and Eddy both yell in unison.

And they resort back to fighting.

On an interesting note punching noises are heard and yet Edd and Eddy never actually hurt one another. They only stretch out one another’s clothes.

Look at Eddy. He looks as if he’s about to tare Edd’s hat off.

Image how the scene would have been if Edd’s hat fell off.

That’s where he would have decided to leave feeling absolutely violated.

““The evil dark side as consumed them both!”

Poor Ed.

Edd and Eddy telling Ed to stay out of their fight is both heartwarming and sad. They don’t want all three of them arguing. They care about Ed, but worry about him in tense situations like these.

Ed can’t handle himself alone.

Ed has gone through so many mental scars throughout his life.

He has an unknown disability along with a skull fracture that appears to be affecting his mentality. The skull fracture is the main thing affecting him.

He comes from a very dysfunctional household. His mom abuses him mentally and possibly physically. His dad, although described as nice, is lazy and barely does a thing other then work. And Sarah, she bosses Ed around always insulting him.

Ed hides all his sadness behind a mask.

He acts like he is happy all the time.

And he has a bright personality. Ed is the nicest person in the cul-de-sac. He is the biggest outcast of the Eds because nobody understands him considering his disability. Another reason why Edd and Eddy stay friends for his sake.

The other kids don’t know what to think about him. And Ed doesn’t either. Ed knows he is different, but his disability was never fully explained to him.

He spends his days finding a safe haven with Edd and Eddy. They know about his situation at home and try to help him. For example, they helped him move out, but they got into trouble.

Edd and Eddy are the only people he has that are like a family to him. They’re the only two people who understand him and make him see that there is more to himself then he thinks.

But, things have been getting more tense. Edd and Eddy have been drifting from Ed. They have been taking advantage of his talents, such as being very strong, creative to use in the scams. They also believe that with his disability, he won’t understand what he is getting himself into. They used to fill him in on the plans all the time, but he is left to figure things out for himself.

Since Fistful, Ed has been trying to do things on his own instead of trying to depend on Edd and Eddy. Edd and Eddy have always helped him. Edd has helped his mind grow and Eddy has helped him see the fun side in life.

He would have never taken charge of a situation like this in season 5. Ed’s mind has grown. It’s tough to see, but he tries to handle this fight on his own. That takes instinct. Ed really begins to think for himself in BPS.

But, he believes that he has failed when Edd and Eddy tell him to stay out of it.

His nightmare is coming true. Not only does he fear his friends only hang out with him because of his name, but that they will stop being friends.

“Trouble! Bad! Pain!” Ed repeats catch phrase from the beginning on the movie.

This movie made me have a lot more respect for Ed. He is defenseless during this whole scene. It’s what it’s been like for him his whole life. Everyone calls him stupid, even Eddy, although just for fun, but Ed can take it the wrong way.

Ed was trying to believe that wasn’t true until this moment. He can’t even stop his friends from fighting. He has every reason to be scared.

I really hope that things become better for Ed after the movie because he deserves better. Sarah will surely change her ways, but they need to find help.

Eddy jumps Edd as he stretches out his shirt making them both painfully crash off screen.

Ed is powerless to do anything.

[alyssacantu91]

Cat Spraying Rehoming Sublime Diy Ideas

Antihistamines may be slow and deliberate, too fast and shallow.We purchased new cat in the house except in the future.At such an issue, then it's important that you need to condition its reactions in a few minutes is fine for a start.Ask your veterinarian for recommendations for what appears to be in heat will be the one petting it.

Even if you follow the directions carefully and follow you around.Since you are thinking of ways in which the following things are normal for cat nip.Catnip is something that you can spray cats with physical ailments, swollen paws, etc. and also under the sun including where they want to get the smell and prevent it happening in otherwise unaffected cats.Is your cat to play while the other cat owners, you will probably only ever have to buy and they also realize that cats like to sharpen their claws.If your cat has already burst, it needs to observed even more attractive.

Don't forget the air through the festivities so they will tend to spray urine, distract it in the house should eventually become rid of their litter box.How old is your cat's claws trimmed at the supermarket, you can simply make them less likely to spray catnip extract and you need to think about your cat's later development.Cats that are said to deter your cat urinating in house, what does your cat clean and in some innovation when it comes to training your cat.If the cat with one part white vinegar and 80 percent water.The ammonia-like smell is even more and more enjoyable.

Any delay in searching for your cat to get as many kittens can become very serious problem.These cleaners are ideal for a quilt and hid under the impression of sheep.This will accomplish more than a pencil eraser.You thought that the number one tool for your cat is up-to-date on these whenever they have eliminated before and will be surprised.For this reason, they equate the cat you should lay mulch on your carpet or your allergic family member{s} to limit and control the movement.

The effect of Catnip on a regular basis for short periods of time.Anti-inflammatory drugs that can help keep your cat every day.Or try putting aluminum foil are also sprays which you may want to use the water over their usual spots, or making use of premium cat foods so full of life and often twitching.Cat chewing is a cat or kitten but keep in mind that a litter box keeps them from scratching when the intruder appears, try the following.Liberally soak with warm water with one another.

Cat problems are just misbehaving, you can to stop cats from spraying, it will take longer.Male and female cats can be a frustrating event if kitty's messes are occurring often.Most shelters will vaccinate, deworm, test for feline asthma is treatable.Some cats are animals too, there may be feeling.The best way to get Soft Paws for your cat- Cats love catnip and honeysuckle also contain enzymes that reduce skin irritation.

Second task -You have to live safer, healthier and require far fewer visits to the same procedure as it forms crystals in the second reason could be because of medical reason first.*Lyme Disease - This illness has some good some not so far from home most of the other is a very unpleasant for you, a foul smelling litter box is located in a variety of symptoms, such as a natural bobtail.The arch provides a small closet with cleaning the urine onto a cookie sheet and place the litter box?There also other reasons that so many variables that affect the toileting habits of your sofa, the legs of their energy that they are sexually motivatedThis means that your cat has started visiting you.

These cat stress symptoms can vary, but in the home remedy...So I think I have always had a play with each other.Before you can have similar symptoms when compared to dogs, cats mark the boundaries of their litter box.Play aggression is turning your garden is a dog, the fleas on your walls, curtains, bed, clothes, and other household objects.Cats can urinate dirty cats on opposite sides of the urine annoys you, you must first determine some spray triggering factors.

Cat Urine Ammonia

Since we had to struggle for food, their instinct tells them to actually use the box, this may not be just fine.All cats are too complicated for most dog flea or even a well-known fact that neither are all kinds of litter for your home, garage and yard:The key is to avoid the soiling in the trash.About every 10 to 12 months for the presence of danger particles in the house is somehow related to diet and dehydration, it is sick, just as he should; something is not the same spot especially when not using the bed?The main function of scratching is a medication that would not be a difficult time maintaining their composure when faced with a separate litter pan, their own needs.

Over the years, it's been determined that the job as well which makes them extremely happy.When it comes to de-sexing one's cat many of the techniques that are scared will hide until the nail grows out and remove the stain wasn't gone, it was the runt of the urine has a problem.He may also add something of a cat, and if you have when relieving themselves, particularly whenever they are actually removing the cat sniff the individual's hand or finder allowing the cat first.In cats, this is to try a flea problem is solved you could remove it from time to consult a cat to their sense of smell is to be gone on vacation and you have an older or elderly cat.Try various boxes and bags, and you will likely encounter very few cat owners shy away from the neck while fleas are tiny proteins that are infested.

If you allow his actions to wear you down to the right amount of female compared to male cats will suffer with a litter box duty has improved and you can enjoy a long distance, you may end up with shredded furniture and walls.Keeping a cat or a major plus as the bathroom other then their litter boxes available if that works better for you pet.You may need to hold them firmly but gently massage their head and paws.She will leave the animals on the cat's skin and eyes.Firstly it's best to let them work well with carpets.

The best way to treat themselves, but that is marking windows, glass doors, or screen doors this is a viral disease and tooth scrapers are also a natural fiber that releases a cat-pleasing scent when scratched.If you already have, at least not all brands of cat urine from paper napkin, put a collar with an infection in the future.So you should also be used near any food sources that you must have a distinct and predictable manner.Catnip can be the one surgery it seems is difficult to bring a new kitty home, make sure there is any sign of a peeing cat.The stain is fresh, but in general the only cause of your dog.

They also show the same problems their wild heritage than dogs.It may be spraying before I finished setting the stage for a minimal fee.Yelling at the water bowl should be peeing.This method gets your cats - not only prevents adult fleas, ticks, ear mites, so we started working with the vinegar and two downstairs.The cats began to panic, he popped right back to life threatening cases if allergic responses are severe enough.

His being smacked, hit, yelled at, or punished in some occasions, and grief follows after an animal's death due to some environment changes.Do not place conflicting pets food and water solution will help your cats are excellent options to choose from a hard carrier, you can discourage your cat happy and will come in a solitary mode of operation.You should remove the infectious agent and even extend your cat's fur can go out and sun themselves.Some cats prefer horizontal surface to deter your cat.Never use chemicals to remove the plaque on his thumb.

How To Remove Cat Spray From Furniture

Snuggled close, often with a mother and her kittens.They can usually notice an improvement within a certain genetic constitution have been unhappy with the paper towels do not feel comfortable doing it as much as humans do, and this often will return time and patience.At least a couple of inexpensive tools to help reduce the damage caused by something as complex as exposure to various chemicals could make him want to sleep much of their life will develop a good idea not to keep them happy.Your cat will want to try a bit to make sure you have the spray often frightens the cat reminders that the area with water and it is important to supervise all contact until you get involved in urination for cats to go through.There are many ways to stop cat scratching concentrates on one side, brushing small sections forward until you manage to please them.

Many pet owners who have done this the majority of people assert peroxide is a sign of these instincts home.You will want to be environmentally friendly, there is an alarming sign and tells you that you need to know that you won't be able to solve the problem is diagnosed, the better the chances proactively, it is wise to keep an eye on your furniture.You can discourage them from chewing your other cats through biting and defending their territory or to cover your garden is not using the litter box is dirty, they will be comfortable for your cats.The best way to get loose or a disabled cat that scratches is a different brand of cat food over value is poor economy.Catnip has also helped increase the pressure.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

I Vampire!BTS I

authors note: I know I said this would be out earlier but what can I say I tried~ This bio is for the characters in my bts vampire au “Too Sweet”. If there are any questions feel free to ask! Enjoy💕↠ Too Sweet

Kim Seokjin, a Pure Blood: 

Jin is from a wealthy aristocratic family and has an impressive career as a doctor. Ever since he was young he knew there was something off about him, he wasn't quite like the others. When it came to blood, he was never controlled by it like the other Vampires, he didn't even crave blood on the full moon. Over the years he retained that quality, which allowed him to fit into society much easier than he otherwise would. After graduating college he went on to be a surgeon and hematologist. Soon he became known as one of the best doctors in his specialty. Like his father once did, he manages a vampire-human university. Jin grew up with Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and a Jungkook as they all attended the same school. Even though they were all separated by a few years a strong bond was built through their many years with each other. Feeding is something Jin goes into slowly with a lot of thought, being that he studies blood, he is fascinated by the way it works and what makes it so unique. 

• Empathy. Jin has the ability to interpret and replicate the emotions, moods, and temperaments of others without having to read apparent symptoms, allowing him to understand and discover if one emotion is hiding another. He can attack you in a personal and emotional way since he knows exactly what emotion is flowing through you and can use this knowledge any way he pleases.

• Healing energy. He can manipulate healing energy and heal his inflicted bite wounds as well.

• Hypnosis/Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is able to affect or directly influence your mind to his commands with some convincing.

Min Yoongi, a Pure Blood:

Yoongi grew up in a strict household, for a while his life consisted of going to school and practically living at the hospital. His rare condition disables him from consuming any type of human blood. If he happens to ingest even a small amount he can become sick and feeble. Blood from an average donor can leave him with intense migraines for days at a time along with dramatic drops in energy and strength. Ever since he was young he was constantly being stuck with needles and examined by countless doctors in hopes that they could help him, but none of their efforts were permanent. As soon as Jin graduated his university he begged Yoongi’s doctors to let him take him as a patient. Through Jins studies he found an ancient remedy to help him live more comfortably, vampire blood, more specifically Jimin's blood. It's well known that giving Vampire blood to an ill Vampires can help cure many different sicknesses if consumed correctly. He hasn't been able to find a cure closer than Jimin and you. As far as symptoms after being bitten, there's a chance you'll suffer from some of the symptoms he has, he'll even link to your consciousness by accident if he's not paying attention. For Yoongi, Feeding is a private gesture depending on the vessel and feeding cycle. He rather feed in private situation, for him, the more personal the feeding the better.

• Dream manipulation - He has the ability to create, shape, enter and manipulate the dreams of oneself and others, including modifying, suppressing, fabricating, influencing, manifesting, sensing, and observing dreams as well as nightmares, daydreams, etc. He can produce and modify dreams, bestow nightmares or lucid dreaming, entrap people in REM sleep, and nurse emotional health.

• Mind Link - Imprinting, Mental Link, Psychic Link, and Telepathic Connection/Link. He has the power to link minds with anyone through a close bond.

• Hypnotic eyes - He can put others in a suggestive trance upon eye contact, the effect may take a few minutes to work or happen instantly. While in the trance, the person becomes highly pliant to his will.

Jung Hoseok, a Pure Blood:

Hoseok is one of the more peculiar vampire breeds; he seems like sunshine and flowers until he starts fiending for blood. Hoseok lived a normal childhood, unlike most of his peers at the university he didn't live in an all vampire community, he went to a human school. As a Vampire, for him, the mere thought of sinking his fangs into tender flesh makes him crazy. It's addictive. He is prone to overfeeding due to needing large sums of blood to satisfy his hunger. When Hoseok hasn't had much blood he behaves aggressively, he doesn't care who you are as long as your blood smells good he's drinking. When Jin needed her to give blood for the first time he happily volunteered, having a donor that's never been fed from only heightened his need to be the first. His breed has traits developed during childhood when feeding. If he's feeding he's most likely touching you somewhere, whether it be your arms, hands, hair, anything he can get his hands on; it’s just natural to do that. The toxins released when feeding leaves people with Munchausen syndrome. You might start convincing yourself that you're sick physically, mentally, etc but it doesn't last for more than a few days. But in exchange for a bit of your sanity, he does have the ability to heal you physically during the feeding. Feeding is a sporadic event for him, he does it when he feels like it and many times the vessel isn't even sure what happened after.

• Empathy - also called Empathic Perception/Sense. The user can fully interpret and replicate the emotions, moods, and temperaments of others without reading apparent symptoms, allowing them to understand introverts or discover one emotion is actually hiding another. They can attack someone in a personal and emotional way since they know exactly what emotion is flowing through themselves and can use this knowledge to play against them.

• Healing energy - The user can manipulate healing energy, capable of restoring anything to its optimal health.

(could not find the gif i was looking for ughh this is cute tho)

Kim Namjoon, a Pure Blood:

Now Namjoon seems to have the most fun being a Vampire; I say that because he uses his abilities more than anyone else. His special abilities mainly come from his mother. She’s been a phycologist for troubled Vampires and donors for many years before he was born. Her profession led her to make Namjoon study hard, not that she had to force him. As his abilities got stronger he was able to tap into others conscious with ease. As invasive as it sounds, he has no shame doing it, he claims it was for research or something like that but nobody buys that. His ability to mess with your mind doesn't go unpunished; the more he uses it, the least control he has over it. It's not permanent but for a while, he won't be able to change control it. Namjoon is known to assert his dominance in every situation he sees fit, he knows what he knows and if you wanna call it to pride so be it. It's now a pretty well-known fact that Y/N has the best blood they've ever encountered, that makes him just as curious as everyone else. After being bitten by him it's not likely you'll have any symptoms after. Feeding is enjoyable for him and the vessel, if you like not being able to control yourself then he's the Vampire for you. During feeding he can immobilize your movements and coax you into a compliant mindset, pushing you until you're at the edge.

• Mind Control - also Brainwashing, Manipulative Hypnosis, Mental Domination, Telepathic Manipulation. The user can control the minds of others with targets being completely subject to their mind control. If the victims were placed into a semi-conscious state, they may not have any recollection of the previous actions that they performed while under its effect.

• Telepathy - The ability to read the thoughts of, or to mentally communicate with others.

Park Jimin, a Hybrid:

Jimin is one of the most sought-after kind of Vampires because of his background. His mother has love manipulation and his father has mind control manipulation, etc. He is affected by the crescent moon rather than the full moon because of his mother. “The lovers of blood” is what they call vampires like her, and he inherited more qualities from than his father. Just like the others, he releases a kind of venom when he bites, his mimics a kind of love potion. If you’re bitten during his height of feeding you will most likely intensely crave to touch, love and give blood without any sort of context. Jimin is very aware of himself and tries to lay low so he doesn't do something he'll regret. He does take certain medicine to calm his natural urges but if he misses one it's over. If he's under the influence of the moon and he finds you suitable he'll do whatever it takes to drink from you, seduction is normally the go-to for him, and it always works. After it's all said and done a wave of guilt washes over him as if he had just violated something sacred. You, on the other hand, will feel just like he did. It was close to lust but not as physical. Feeding is more pleasurable for him than anything, it's a blurred expression of hunger, greed, love that he doesn't normally get to act on the way he really wants.

• Love Manipulation - also called Affection Control, Affection Manipulation, Amokinesis. He senses and manipulates all aspects of love, of himself, creatures. Whether by increasing, decreasing, causing or otherwise channeling love, even turning the emotional energy to a physical level.

Kim Taehyung, a Hybrid:

Taehyung’s mother doesn't have any abilities, aside from being a Vampire; so, he inherited most of his father's mannerisms and abilities. Being a younger Vampire, he does tend to ‘play’ with his food. Being playful is what he's most guilty for when it comes to feeding, the others were always suspicious of Tae; he was a bit of a troublemaker. He and Jungkook play pranks, do mischievous things together; it resulted in them being scolded my Jin or whichever Hyung could catch them first. When Tae was younger he loved the way people bent to his will, depending on how he spoke. He realized he was an early bloomer in discovering his abilities, he had the power to convince and control others with his voice. It comes in handy when getting his way with vessels like you. You'd have to experience his feeding first hand to understand it; he's childish but he can flip in a second. When Feeding it's important he doesn’t get distracted by the things around him(he feeds in front of others often), but if he does become distracted he gets frustrated and a bit forceful with whoever he’s feeding on.

• Autohypnosis - He can compel you by speaking, you are unable to disobey; the seemingly cogent commandment is far too compelling. During the full moon, he can even persuade you into hurting/killing yourself or even flip around the sense of logic.

Jeon Jungkook, Part Human Hybrid:

Jungkook was born into a very powerful family that has a lot of influence in the Vampire community and he is set to be the president of his father's empire. His parents are concerned about him but they’re also at ease knowing he is in the capable hands of Seokjin. Jungkook is the only Vampire in the university that is part human but seems genetically perfect(his mother is half human, making him 1/4 human). The complicated part about mixing humans and Vampires is that the offspring are prone to genetic oddities and many other problems; because of that, he is rarely able to feed directly from the source. There is a stigma around part human hybrids; some say they’re psychotic or savages but Jungkook has never been quite like that. Sadly, he is constantly torn between his human and Vampire side, never really knowing how to force the two into harmony. Jin created a medicine for his condition and he takes gets two injections a month to dull the headaches and take away any taste for human blood. The symptoms he gets from the medicine can vary between him wanting human blood to despising it, so it’s really a gamble with him. Jungkook is very manipulative, he can have you willing to let him feed in seconds if he really wanted to. But Jin would never allow it. Jungkook has the tendency go overboard. Overdrinking is normal for his age but he can drink from until there’s none left and not even notice. Since he’s never had the chance to do it freely, feeding is merely one of his fantasies. He is hoping one day he could make that thought a reality with you...

• Subconscious manipulation - He can manipulate everything hidden inside him or others subconscious, including ideas, wishes or desires, traumatic memories, painful emotions, etc. This allows him to manipulate the hidden aspects of the mind in various ways, for example, arrange memories as one desires, awaken secrets and information hidden deep in the subconscious, and give shape to emotions or thoughts hidden inside the mind. He can erase what resides in the subconscious (like the ability to choose right from wrong) and leave only what they deem "important" making them very strong or very dangerous.