#the death metaphor for a breakup?

[fawnforevergone]

i am forever thinking about the admiration hozier sings with in verse two of "abstract (psychopomp)". the way he compares the death of his relationship with the collision of hitting an animal, but is more in awe of his lover's reaction than the tragedy itself?? "the speed that you moved"?? "the screech of the cars"?? "the creature still moving that slowed in your arms"?? the way they could look death in the eye and care for it rather than run from it, and, instead of hating their acceptance of the breakup, hozier says that that is why there is "no choice but to love you"?? 'the way you are ending this is the reason i love you'?? the fact he is thankful that his lover has the strength to be the psychopomp because he knows he would have just kept flying into the sun icarian style?? how, despite how lost he feels ("the earth from a distance"), he cannot help but find the compassion his partner shows to the end of their love beautiful ("see how it shines")?? it is on my mind day in day out i can think of nothing else

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . leaving him had meant each of us dying in the world we had lived in together.

Catherine Lacey, from Biography of X

[i-am-the-oyster]

Some not at all lighthearted thoughts about Maxwell's Silver Hammer

I've been thinking a lot about Maxwell's Silver Hammer, Joe Orton, and 'original sin'.

Orton was killed by his (male) partner with a hammer on the 9th of August 1967. He had written a script for a potential Beatles movie (it was returned without comment) earlier that year. He was due to meet with Richard Lester on the morning of his death, to discuss filming a revised version of the script, with Mick Jagger as a possible lead.

18 days later, on the 27th of August, Brian Epstein was found dead.

Less than six months later, in Rishikesh, Paul started working on Maxwell's Silver Hammer. On the face of it, one of Paul's 'story songs'. On closer inspection though there's reason to suspect it's more symbolic and less allegorical. The timeline is off: Maxwell starts in college, then goes back to school, then suddenly finds himself in a court. The second and third verses are dream-like in their unrealism.

The other three Beatles' frustration with the recording of the song is well known, but John also said it was their first attempt at writing a song about Instant Karma.

From this site:

Former Apple employee Tony King expands on the song's meaning a little further in Steve Turner's book “A Hard Day's Write,” by relating a conversation he had with John Lennon concerning his song “Instant Karma.” “John told me that 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' was about the law of karma. We were talking one day about 'Instant Karma' because something had happened where he's been clobbered and he'd said that this was an example of instant karma. I asked him whether he believed that theory. He said that he did and that 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' was the first song that they'd made about that. He said that the idea behind the song was that the minute you do something that's not right, Maxwell's silver hammer will come down on your head.”

Paul tends to speak of the hammer metaphor more like random negative events, rather than some kind of deserved retribution, but he did talk about the breakup like this:

That whole period weighed on me to such an extent that I even began to think it was all tied in with the idea of original sin

So I was already thinking something along the lines of: what if John and Paul had come to some terrible conclusion about "sinful" gay activity attracting divine retribution. They decide they need to find "the right woman" to settle down with, and resist these "sinful" urges. Paul deals with this, in part, by writing a freaky song partially inspired by Orton's murder, where he giggles at the mention of the word 'behind' (in every take, apparently). He also allegedly obsesses over the recording of the song.

So when I saw this section of John's lyrics sheet for Now and Then I gasped:

Remember when we thought our life <love> had ended the gods had been offended

Yeah.

[simping-on-the-daily]

Claws, Katanas, Compassion and Ketamine

Summary: You were the link between Vanessa and Wade during their breakup. They get back together, creating the perfect triangle. And then Wolverine shows up too, because you totally live in a suite apartment that can fit everyone.

Notes: God I love poly, mutant!reader, gn!reader, I wrote this in one day and thirty minutes last night and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be obvious

Warnings: Gets real suggestive near the end but it's a fade to black, typical Deadpool content, from swearing to sex, reader does drugs and is very unhinged Wade’s just worse, not betaread we die like Worstie’s X-Men

The three of you ‘broke up’ in your shitty but homey apartment. Vanessa knew that her death caused Wade to try and kill himself numerous times, and dying shook her up a bit. After being rejected by the Avengers, Wade spent too much time hating himself and wondering where he went wrong, unintentionally neglecting his relationship with both of you

You were the red rope, the link, the buckle on the belt, it seemed. Shit got messy, Wade assumed too fast, but Vanessa wanted to be with you and you still loved Wade, vice versa. Vanessa tried to work stuff out herself, moving out, you stayed at the apartment, and Wade went to live with Blind Al again. You video chatted and texted everyday, and did your darndest to be by both sides.

Vanessa called you one day. She'd gotten the therapy, she said. Wanted to get back with Wade, try again at the least. You encouraged her to try and ask at Wade's surprise party, an extra present to add to the love in the late mutant’s life. Vanessa blew you kisses through the computer, and you mimicked catching them and placing the kisses on your cheek.

Then Wade got kidnapped, and came back two days later, claiming to have saved your entire universe, with some extra company.

“You must think saving the world's sexy, huh, Vanny?” You joked to Vanessa, lightly elbowing her after she and Wade made the promise attempted to try again over his second birthday dinner.

“Shut up and kiss me.” Vanessa put a finger to your chin in jest, and you accepted, embracing her with a gentle kiss to the lips.

“Already getting on it without me?” Wade interrupted, a metaphorical eyebrow raised in light-hearted query, poking in from the room you were in. Your response was simply to blow a kiss, which Wade quickly grabbed and pressed his hand against his cheek, swooning like a teenage girl. Vanessa simply giggled, and dragged you both back to join the party.

You all moved into Blind Al's apartment, in truth because you wanted to take Blind Al's coke. Wade said you couldn't, however, because that was the one thing Feige said they couldn't do. “What a pussy.” You grumbled, throwing the stash back into the floor where it belonged. And then Mary Puppins pissed on your leg, because apparently the nicest Deadpool hadn't potty trained his dog for some reason. Dick.

Oh, and the motherfucking Wolverine was here for some reason.

“Disney's gonna make him keep at this until he's 90, so we gotta give the senior citizen a house otherwise we'll get canceled for elderly abuse.” Wade 'explained’ to you in a whisper, and you nodded intently like you understood. Logan gave a middle finger in response.

He existed, that was for sure. You found him napping in the cupboard once because apparently Logan thought he was too good for the floor. He minded his business, staying out of the way. You accidentally caught him showering with the sweet smelling pink soap Wade and Vanessa shared and good god, those man’s abs were carved by Michalangelo. Fucking beautiful.

You, Wade and Vanessa sat down one night, Logan out at the bar that was full of football obsessed lunatics. And at the same time, you all spoke.

“I need that werewolf cock in me.”

“My god you guys, we need to get Peanut into bed with us, have you seen him?”

“We shouldn’t let him fourth wheel us, ask if he wants to be included.”

Vanessa glared at you both. You shrugged, while Wade did his best to look innocent.

The timing could’ve been worse, with you offering the deal with a Logan who was nearly hungover. Wade on the sofa like ‘one of those French girls’, Vanessa wore a casual hoodie with those really short shorts, and you were snorting heroin. Vanessa explained everything, and you’re pretty sure you hallucinated cartoon birdies as you spoke. Turns out, Wade did the same thing too, once. 

Logan accepted anyway, so he knew what he was going to get himself into.

Eventually, you grew to accept that Logan was a weasel, not a werewolf (which is so much cooler), and that you liked seeing him smile. Made you feel good, especially when he smiled because you were running his hands through his hair.

Like some fucked up hivemind, Vanessa and Wade shared your feelings too. However, unlike last time, Logan was the one who ‘confessed’, when the dude straight up purred in contentment when you tried to sit him down at your shitty table and well, you didn’t need to do much to gather the context as to why.

You and Logan shared the ‘Good’s Cabinet’, containing your most precious drugs and Logan’s more costly drinks, both saved for the most special occasions. You offered to take him to different bars that weren’t full of football frat-bros, and both of you found a new enjoyment in clubbing.

You would wear your best jewelry and drip, while Logan would wear an oversized jacket over his ‘wife beater’ shirt, worn over his Wolverine suit. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

“They asked for no pickles,” He hovered above you like your evil shadow clone, the worker at the front desk sweating on their head and probably under the collar.

“Haha, reference.” You jokingly poked Logan’s chest, before turning to the employee. “Don’t mind him. Never worked a day of retail in his life, doesn’t get the struggle.”

“Fuck you.” Logan added compulsory, though with the vitriol of a man whose moments of swearing have entirely lost their impact. You did get a new meal, no pickles included, so maybe the guard dog privileges are necessary.

Wade and you would often go out to the park on weekends, chilling on a bench as you gave your very persuasive remarks on all the cars Wade would sell on his job. He’d challenge you to get more ridiculous, and you'd do so with a wink and excessive references to sex.

“Get the boss to add truck nuts to all your autobots,” You suggested as you and Wade both got ice cream cones from the greatest truck of all time. “Would add some blitz to your bis, yaknow?”

“You wanna have a fivesome with our Honda Odyssey?”

“Give the objectums something good.” You shrugged, and Wade responded with a look to the audience, cosplaying as a bunch of trees in Discount Central Park.

Vanessa liked to drag you shopping, and you were content watching her search for the perfume bottles with the most ornate casing. God, she was so pretty, her hair put into that messy bun and casual dress.

“This bitch is ugly.” Vanessa said, holding up a silver bottle with a diamond bottletop. You heard a crunch, and tears quickly welled up in your eyes.

“Oh, so sorry sweetie, I wasn’t talking about you-” Vanessa held up her hands and shook them in a panic, putting the bottle back.

“It’s not that,” Your voice was barely a whisper. “I think I stepped on a ladybug.”

Vanessa looked down at the red flakes on the floor near your foot. “Sweetheart, that was an M&M.”

“Oh.” You stood there in silence for a few seconds, before turning back to Vanessa in the unnatural, freakish sort of way. “You getting anything from here?”

Vanessa smiled. “I think we should have an early lunch.” And you grinned too, as she rushed you over to the food court.

Your nights were chill nights, all four of you curled up on the bed, Mary Puppins curled beside Wade’s leg as he kept changing his position every few minutes. You would braid Vanessa’s hair as she scrolled through her phone, and Logan would lie down and accept head pats and bellyrubs with a content purr. Apparently weasels can do that.

Movie nights were great, too. Logan always got the best popcorn and you all had your designated seats. With a combination of heroin and ketamine you called ‘ketarin’, you snacked on your stash while you were all forced to share two bottles of Pepsi.

“Try it, babes,” You gestured your bucket of drugs towards Wade and Logan, the former sitting on the weasel’s lap as he tried to get comfy. “You’ll be able to smell sounds and taste colors. Stereotypical, I know, but life changing.”

Logan glared at you. “Get this fucker off me and I’ll consider it.”

“Wade, get off, I want Logan to taste my ketarin.”

The mercenary huffed in exaggeration, arms crossed. “No can do, sugar tits. Peanut here needs to learn his lesson.”

“What lesson?” You huffed. “Anyways, I forgive Logan, now get off I need him to try it.”

“He was a very bad boy today, and you know this, Y/N.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Get off him, Wade.” Vanessa spoke in that stern voice, and even though it was not directed to you, your collar was getting hot already. “We’ll sort it out later tonight, mkay?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Wade gave a mocking salute before getting off of Logan with a grumble.

“She’ll be making ya say that seriously later, you know?” You raised an eyebrow at the mercenary, who made a heart symbol with his hands as he winked.

You thrust your special bucket towards the huge, jacked man (hehe), his demands met. Logan sighed before digging his hands in, and shoved it down his mouth.

“I prefer corn starch.”

“You fucking take that back, you little slutty shitter-”

You would’ve beaten him to a pulp for disrespecting your recipe, but Vanessa gave a mock cough, getting you, him and Wade to look at her. “Legally Blonde or Die Hard?”

“It’s August, the fuck are we suggesting Die Hard for?” You huffed, arms crossed, snatching your ketarin back.

“Yeah, too early for festive cheer, sweetcheeks. And I can’t miss out on international girlboss Ms. Woods, who do you take me for?”

“Die Hard is barely a Christmas movie,” Logan scoffed, but didn’t oppose when Vanessa selected Legally Blonde with the remote.

You all relaxed, in your own fucked up way. You and Vanessa arm-wrestled over who got to have a sip of Pepsi (she won, you were trying to hold your bucket in the other hand). Wade’s commentary was louder then the movie, causing Logan to punch him, and Wade let out a murmur of ‘harder, mummy’. You snickered at Logan’s look of repulsion and confusion, looking over to Vanessa, who was most likely the mummy in question. Unfortunately for Logan, she was going onto the balcony to let Mary Puppins piss, so he looked at you.

“Something something we’ll deal with you later, something something what would Elle Woods think?”

Wade seemed to think Elle Woods thought badly of him, standing upright and flopped onto his seat. You put your hands through Logan’s hair, watching him relax from your movement, before yelping when Vanessa came back and accidentally sat down on your hand.

“Shit, so sorry.” Vanessa gave a quick kiss to your hand, and you dramatically swooned as you watched Elle Woods be a girlboss.

“Forgiven, honeybuns, for I could never be mad at such an exquisite princess, who’s hair was made from silk that Willy Wonka once commissioned-”

“Shove your Shakespeare-ass monologues up your ass and get a room.”

Blind Al spoke up, and all four of you turned to see her standing behind you, having just come home.

“This is our room, Al,” Wade countered. “We rented it fair and square while you played poker with all the other little old ladies like you.”

“You’re early.” Logan noted, holding onto a bottle as he turned back to the television.

“Wilson’s clients took a car on a joyride and crashed into the club. Drunk on that high, I reckon.”

“Were they driving with the truck nuts?”

“How the fuck would I know, stupid?”

“Ah.” You hung your head in exaggerated shame, before Al grabbed the wall and let it guide her towards her room.

“Your clients?” You asked Wade with a raised eyebrow after she was gone.

“Karen, Kenny and Twinkletoes.” He ‘answered’. “Now, back to our regular scheduled program of Elle Woo-......and the movie’s over.”

Logan snorted, and Wade gasped, turning to face him. “I’ll have you know that it was a sacrifice I made, I tell you! I gave it all up!”

“You’d give anything up for a cornchip,” Logan shot back, but Vanessa gave a loud clap that stopped the conversation. You placed your empty bucket in the sink halfheartedly before turning to your girlfriend.

“Back to bed. We’ve got some behavior to correct.” Vanessa commanded, heading to your shared room.

“Yes, mummy.” Wade answered in his most ‘uwu’ voice, leading you to groan and Logan to shove him lightly as he followed Vanessa.

“A bit too early on the petnames, buddy.”

Wade stuck his tongue at you, and you flipped the bird before following Logan, who was following Vanessa, and Wade then followed you like some fucked up, freakish line of baby ducks crossing the road.

And you would change none of it.

[starmosaics]

Mars in the 8th House pt. 2/3

If you haven’t read the 1st part here’s a link to the original post :)

Today I’m focusing on transformation, life and death situations and possible struggles with mental health and substance abuse.

Those with Mars in the 8H frequently face unforeseen events in their life which catalyzes incredible changes. Some of these events are catastrophic. These people can completely alter their lives by brute will or they will be met with challenges which push them towards making necessary changes.

Common events I’ve seen/experienced that pushes an 8H Mars towards transformation:

-Death of a loved one, loss of any kind

-Near death experiences

-A breakup/divorce

-Overcoming addiction

-Releasing/healing trauma

-Inheritance

There’s many times where these people feel isolated and left in the dark; some may feel like they’ve lost everything even their sense of self. Many 8H Mars individuals have experienced and been exposed to very difficult and painful events which is one of the most challenging aspects of this placement. Life has its ups and downs and for these people, that’s never ending. The most important thing is that they are so persevering and are quite determined to follow through to reach the other end after facing difficulties. I’ve seen people with this aspect go through hell and eventually got out of that dark place and became a totally different person; shedding one’s skin. I myself feel like I have already lived 10 different lives. The 8th House forcefully causes one to experience changes within their mental state, physical bodies, or spiritual lives; the 8th House can quite literally strip your identity causing you to have to completely build yourself up again.

These people may feel like they got the short end of the stick when it comes to certain situations that they've been dealt leading them to succumbing to their fears and experiencing chaos and disheveledness leaving them feeling trapped, but something to remind these folks is that when they feel like they’ve hit rock bottom, the closer they are to transforming themselves or an area of their lives along with gaining grit and profound wisdom. The 8th House wants you to go inwards, identify the parts of yourself or your life you can't face, to take the reins and evolve. Sometimes it requires metaphorically (sometimes literally, but hopefully not) dying first to become reborn.

T/W: Abuse, substance use, heavy topics mentioned!!

In terms of an 8H Mars’ mental health, there’s quite a distinctive pattern. As we’ve established earlier that what kind of experiences these people might face, the events that alters one's life naturally will heavily impact one's mental health. I know 4 other people with this placement (along with myself) who have some form of psychiatric disorder; most commonly Bipolar disorder, Paranoia, MDD (major depressive disorder), and BPD. Many have experienced events (commonly during childhood, teen years, and early twenties) that lead to signs/a diagnosis of CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder).

Substance abuse is also very common to those who have this placement. Either a family member of theirs struggled with it, or they themselves did. Everyone I know who has this placement including myself has either had a family member who struggled with addiction, or have personally struggled with addiction; sometimes both. 8th house represents something you inherit and unfortunately sometimes it's the inter-generational cycle of addiction. Substance use disorders and mental disorders are sometimes heritable. This isn't meant to scare you or make you feel bad if you have faced any battles with substances. Addiction doesn't have to be your whole life story, just a chapter. Those who I know who previously struggled with addiction and turned their lives around are happier than ever.

Here are some famous people with an 8H Mars that struggled with their mental health and substance abuse:

-Marilyn Monroe (Alleged Bipolar disorder, substance use disorder)

-Robin Williams (MDD, substance use disorder)

-Amanda Bynes (Bipolar disorder, abused stimulants)

-Sid Vicious (Showed signs of personality disorder, substance use disorder)

-Drew Barrymore (Substance use disorder, MDD)

-Courtney Love (Substance use disorder, Autism)

-Lil Peep (Bipolar disorder, substance use disorder)

-Anthony Bourdain (MDD, substance abuse)

More than half of these famous people also struggled in childhood due to the impact of their family members; Marilyn Monroe had a traumatizing childhood and was living in multiple foster homes and orphanages due to her alcoholic and schizophrenic mother being unable to care for her, Amanda Bynes facing sexual abuse by Dan Schneider as a child, Sid Vicious' mother was neglectful and gave him hero*n when he was a teenager, Drew Barrymore had a mother who influenced and fueled Drew's coca*ne and alcohol addiction before she was even 15 years old, and Courtney Love's father was deemed to be unstable and a horrible father. He allegedly gave her LSD as a child and also physically abused her when she was 17 after visiting him in Ireland.

I don't want to fully air this story out, but I had a friend who was like a sibling to me and their dad abandoned them during their teenage years and their mother was unable to work due to her schizophrenia and substance abuse; she would have us pick up cigarettes and get drugs for her when we were 16/17. This friend has experienced a lot of pain and is still struggling with their own demons and mental health and i'm no longer in their life due to their choices and influence on me, but I still think about them all the time. I wish them the best and hope they eventually find their way back to themselves. They're one of the smartest people I've ever met.

In my own personal life, my dad was never in the picture and my mother (who I believe also had an 8H Mars) struggled with mental illness and substance abuse, so I lived with my grandmother, who I eventually found out also abused substances, but was more "stable". After my mom passed literally from alcohol deteriorating her body when I was 17, I decided I had to keep distance from my family and moved out as soon as I could and since then my life has totally changed. I heavily smoked weed from the ages 16-19, I'm addicted to cigarettes, I am very wary about my alcohol consumption, and I inherited my mom and grandmother's mental illness. If it weren't for my upbringing, I wouldn't possess the wisdom I have today. Yes my childhood was fked up, but it made me immensely resilient. I have experienced life and death literally and metaphorically many many times.

I'm not saying that if you have this placement you're bound to struggle with addiction and have a tragic life story filled with trauma and pain, but unfortunately a more common thing I see in those who do have this placement have struggled with trauma, substances, abuse, and family dynamics. And like I said with the transformational aspect of the 8th House, many people overcame their demons and traumas. There's always an option for recovery in any scenario which is also associated with the 8H, and sometimes destruction (Mars) and chaos is needed for rebirth. In a less extreme manner, 8th House Martians may just struggle with generalized depression and anxiety.

Another thing I've noticed about those with an 8H Mars placement is that they let their anger seethe until it eventually boils over leading to an outburst. They may experience super intense meltdowns due to not healthily coping. Emotional regulation might be difficult for these natives in general.

On one end Mars rules destruction, conflict, death, assaults, and violence. On the other, it represents ambition, overcoming, exertion, determination, encouragement, strength, one's ability, and facing fears.

If you have an 8H Mars and faced any of the struggles above or anything similar and need someone to talk to you can always message me! I want this post to encourage the people who may feel stuck or are in a rough place that they can overcome whatever is thrown at them. Remember crisis comes first, then evolution and finally, total transformation. <3

In the 3rd and final part we'll go over struggles within intimate relationships 8H Mars folks might face and "taboo" topics these natives might enjoy.

[wiishopwednesday]

sorry to be autistic but ive gotta tlak about csh for a minute because it really blows me away by how meta twin fantasy is ,like will created ftf as a reflection on the relationship he was in and the emotions he was feeling during the creation of mtm..also like the names of the respective versions ,"mirror to mirror" signifying how both of the people in the relationship only really loved the reflection of themselves they saw in the other [he also references this in strangers, where he says "i sleep lying next to a mirror" which is also a metaphor for being a homosexual] and face to face being the new version, signifying that he has finally come to terms,has finally had proverbial "conversation" face to face about the past feelings he felt while writing twin fantasy and has fully acknowledged what he felt and has moved on. this is also apparent in his past-tense use of words instead of present-tense like the usage of words in mtm [ftf those boys says "they were connected/at the back of the head/they *had* a conduit/their minds *were* the same" meanwhile mtm those boys says "they were connected/at the back of the head/they *got* a conduit/their minds *are* the same". he realizes the relationship has ended and its over now. a piece of fiction, if you will.]

also in mtm will states that "he has only lyrics now," that he is in despair over the loss of the relationship and the fact that the relationship is now a work of fiction that only exists in his mind-a fantasy. however in ftf he recognizes this and comes to terms with it- it is just a song. it is just lyrics. he even changes "he has only lyrics now" to "these are only lyrics now". he has changed, he has reflected and moved on. this is just a piece of fiction to him now, anything can happen from here. i also really like the change in famous prophets to where he no longer name drops himself and cate wurtz. like he says, "the contract is up, the names have been changed". this is no longer a breakup album made about wurtz but instead a piece of fiction documenting the feelings he experienced during a part of his life

i also really like these lyrics, taken from a bible verse about the 3 wise men i believe ? but the end was edited to say "now these Two remain" to reference the two people in the relationship

its just so interesting. you break up with someone, one of you writes a breakup album in a fit of feeling, 7 years pass and youre both left to deal with the fallout. anything can happen from here. now these two remain and they must see face to face to put their past behind them.

the allusion to "the lady" by hojin stella jung at the end of ftf high to death is also incredibly powerful. the way he uses the words hojin uses to talk about their feelings while painting the portfolio of the lady to refer to his own feelings of making the original twin fantasy is so good and so compelling. the way they say "it was intense, it was an intense process, and it was how i was trying to, very hard, personify that intensity/but its hard to talk about her now, because i think she wasnt me/at least thats how i feel and im trying to figure out what to do now......but i did believe in her, 'the lady', and maybe/there is a different form now that the intensity takes" is an incredible parallel to will's feelings about writing the original twin fantasy and its a really powerful end to a song i think

[taeggukxiie]

I don't really like endhawks and it's not so much because of the age gape or the fan/idol relationship (la brava and gentle have some age gape and bakudeku are the pure description of fanatization/idolization trope and I like both of those ships), but more because endeavor literally embodies what Hawks hate the most.

Hear me out on this one, they have cute interactions but for me the fact that Hawks stayed by endeavor's side even knowing what he did to his children is kinda out of character. I mean the whole thing why keigo wanted to be a hero was to help people and make them smile because he went through abusive behavior all his life. Endeavor do save people but doesn't make them smile, not directly anyway. Hawks wanted to help the new generation, but endeavor traumatized the generation he gave birth to. Hawks wanted to be free, but endeavor stole freedom from his children (at least until he becomes number 1 and shoto comes to UA).

I understand hawks forgiving and accepting endeavor even after what he did, because hawks is so optimistic that he wants to believe eveyone can change for the better, but I don't understand him staying by endeavor's side. I mean, how traumatic would it be to discover that your idol who saved you and gave you a dream to follow did the exact same things as the person who traumatized your childhood? I see some narrative problems here. Or maybe it's just that hawks is too optimistic for his own good.

The thing is, I think Hawks so desperately needed a symbol to give him hope that he didn't even try to look more profoundly into endeavor's mistakes. Like he tried so hard to convince himself. Here we can see that hawks says he could keep up with training and abuse by the commission because someone supported him, probably implying endeavor. But it wasn't even true, hawks just chose to idealize enji because he saved him, but enji didn't know hawks before metting him as a hero, so he couldn't actually support him in his dream. I know it's only metaphoric, but it does mean that Keigo just needed something, someone to hold onto because of all the suffering he went through. And he chose endeavor, who was the only person indirectly "caring" for him.

Now maybe it's because I adore Hawks and I hate endeavor (the man and his actions, not the way he's written), but I can't imagine them in a romantic relationship. How could Hawks give his trust and love to the exact same profile as his father? How could they live together without hawks remembering the abuse? I think that even enji himself wouldn't trust his own reactions and feelings, hunted by the past. "The past never dies", and it's true for everyone in this story.

Look how similar they are. Honestly I don't really understand horikoshi on this one because if he wanted to give enji a loyal sidekick, then why give Hawks an abusive father?

Or if horikoshi wanted to give us grumpy x playful duo, then do it with dabihawks? They had so much potential to be our favorite bickering duo, and their drama would've been so good if they both knew each other before touya's death, became close during hawks undercover mission and then went through a heartbreaking breakup during touya's reveal.

(look at them they could've been soo good as a grumpy x playful duo aah)

Instead, we got Hawks indirectly supporting the same abuse he went through and the destruction of dabihawks' potential with the biggest absence of interactions ever after the first war.

(Also I want to add that I respect everyone's opinion and I don't hate endhawks shippers at all! It's just my point of view on the ship, everyone is free to ship whoever they want if that stays legal 🙏)

Maybe I'm going too far into the analysis (someone stop me please I'm talking too much-), but I really think that endhawks couldn't work, for hawks as much as for enji. Now the interesting thing to ask would be : would dabihawks actually work in a romantic relationship? I guess we'll never know.

[azumasoroshi]

happy 12/24-25! i think too often about the “gege hates gojo” jokes because holy shit it is PERSONAL with gege

like yeah he sealed him and killed him but like. every aspect of gojo’s character is just so. gege really said “i’m going to make you the strongest character in the history of ever and you’re going to be cool and attractive and funny and your fans will love you, BUT:

The entire point of your character is that no matter how much power you have, you are helpless to save the people you truly care about

You’re so powerful that the only way you can narratively exist without destroying every enemy in jjk other than Sukuna is to get snatched away, sealed, get your powers taken away, or die (even in the fucking video game you only get a certain number of turns to act before you get yoinked)

You can never escape the system you were born into because your power has become your character

You’ll think you’re changing the system for the better but end up perpetuating the system anyway in allowing children to go on dangerous missions

You cannot supervise said children on dangerous missions because you’re running around Japan like a headless chicken at the whims of the higher ups

You never got the chance to fully grow up because a part of you died when Toji killed you and a part of you died when Suguru left you and what else is there left

Your own desire for power blinded you to your best friend’s depression and it’s one of your greatest regrets yet a part of you still thinks Suguru wasn’t strong enough to keep up which is why you keep saying you want strong allies who can keep up with you and you are just terribly equipped to handle your students’ emotional challenges and insecurities even though you try your best

You will never make any emotional connections as lovely as the one from your youth which you still cry about on the rare occasions you actually sleep

You will only be able to tell Suguru you love him right before you KILL HIM

No matter whether Suguru was your best friend, ex-boyfriend, crush that you never confessed to, or boy you only realized you were in love with after he left you, you will NEVER be able to get over him and an evil brain will use this against you and several people you care about will get fucked over because you cared too much

Even though your students/coworkers sometimes like you the first thing 99% of them think of when they think of you is “The Strongest” and even in your breakup arc Suguru, the one person you wanted to stand by your side and share the title, began to think of you in that way as well and distanced himself from you because of it.

The narrative requires that you be lonely at the top as a direct consequence of your power - even metaphorically, infinity separates you from the rest of the world and your wide range of destruction makes it so allies are a hindrance in battle and you could destroy the people you dare about in seconds (see: thank fuck todo stopped yuuji from stepping into range of purple)

You are going to fight the boy you may or may not have raised from childhood because of the other boy with Sukuna inside him that he asked you to save and you can’t hesitate because the last time you hesitated about someone you cared about you got sealed and people died

You may or may not have died to the strongest curse of all time and are left forever unsatisfied even in death because not only was your culty/cunty best friend not there to cheer you on, but you think Sukuna couldn’t even go all out against you, the strongest sorcerer of your time, despite strength being your whole thing

and as a bonus, you also “died” after cockily saying “Nah I’d win” which will get extensively memed on the internet at your expense”

like not to woobify gojo or anything but oh my god jesus fucking christ gege

he was like “ill make you hot as a treat mostly for myself because i like drawing hot men but you’re going to be so incredibly fucking doomed by the narrative in every possible way”

like he loves drawing shirtless men but he never drew gojo shirtless like gege!! GEGE!!!! what did he DO to deserve this level of narrative ire omfg

[problemchildtm]

Heartbreak

Derek Morgan x Reader

A/n: I'm no writer but I wanted to give it a try. I've also never really been in love so take the love analogies with a grain of rice. Hope you enjoy! :)

Warnings: angst/fluff, mentions of grief and death, hardly proofread, I think that's it but let me know if I'm missing something

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.” —Unknown

Derek Morgan was positive he knew what heartbreak felt like. Heartbreak and the BAU went together like the mood and the tides. He’s seen the effects firsthand. The anger, the depression, and everything else in between. Day after day, week after week he watches heartbreak and it never gets better.  

He can still remember his first experience with the phenomenon. He was hit the day his dad died. People always describe the feeling being as simple as its name. A physical crack in the chest cavity that contains the heart. In his case, it was more like the entire muscle being forcefully ripped out. The pain was immeasurable and all-encompassing. Every inch of his body ached to the point of exhaustion. Absolutely nothing could compare.  

Heartbreak is sourced in different ways: Breakups, deaths, rejections just to name a few. Derek never wanted to go through heartbreak in any capacity, so he’s cruised. There were no serious relationships or commitments outside the BAU, just to play it safe. Heartbreak can’t reach those who build extensive layers of armor around the vessel.

Everything was going well until he met you.

It was impossible for him to shut you out. Derek’s frequented the same gym for years. They had everything he needed and the change of scenery from the FBI was nice. He’s had the same routine for years yet the process abruptly stopped the second he laid eyes on you, sitting behind the front desk with the warmest smile he’s ever seen. From there he was a goner.

The occasional run-in turned into movie marathons on a rare off day before completely blossoming into a full-fledged romance. Derek’s never been one to believe in love at first sight. Hell, he hardly believed in love, so it was utterly confusing when the metaphorical hole in his heart started to swell at the thought of you. No matter what he did his mind always returned to you. The way you spoke to him, the way you cared for him after a rough case, the way you smelled, his thoughts were completely filled by you. 

The days were longer, the nights were kinder, and the job was more bearable. Soon, the constant fear and anxiety that plagued him evolved into comfort. He no longer feared heartbreak. He didn’t wonder who would be the next person to destroy his happiness because he knew you would never even dream of it. You who held him after a nightmare. You who always understood his schedule. You who distracted him from the horrors of his profession. You who loved him, you who he fell in love with. Suddenly, warmth flooded his chest accompanied by a staggering realization. Love isn’t a concept you convince yourself is there out of fear of being alone. It’s not just a word. And it’s not some other-worldly experience that takes over a life. Love is feeling at ease with someone. Love is being able to rely on someone without worrying about ulterior motives. Love is what he felt for you. 

Derek Morgan was positive he knew what love felt like and he felt it day after day by your side. 

[pinkarsonist0]

I just got done playing Dead Plate, here are my thoughts and analysis:

It's so interesting how Rody and Vincent perfectly parallel each other, though Vincent's way of mirroring Rody is shown with metaphors and symbolism.

Rody tries again and again to try to win back Manon, he loves her to death more than anything. He job hops in order to get money to impress her, he waits by the phone hoping she'll answer his calls he even has to hear from VINCENT that Manon has ended their relationship when his love for Manon blinded him of their breakup.

But Vincent's parallel to Rody is shown metaphorically, look at his cooking:

He scribbles out reviews from critics that are less than perfect, when Rody reveals he has been letting Vincent's meals for him collect dust in his fridge he looks as if Rody just spit in his face and he is constantly changing the menu.

Vincent said he lost his taste as a child. The dude literally considers his favorite food to be a lemon. A god damn lemon. He has been shown to become VERY upset over mistakes, big or small in his kitchen (Unless it's Rody).

I'm convinced cooking is a metaphor for trying to impress people and feel accomplished but failing every time. I think Vincent comes from a not very good household, and it's manifesting in his adulthood. Vincent has a passion for cooking and food, I believe this had been the case ever since childhood, but when he saw his families apathy towards it, he grew desperate to impress them. To show them that he could do something GREAT with his talent, he works and works to improve, finding any dish that would wow people, yet nothing.

He starts cooking to impress people, he no longer does it for himself, it's too feel accomplished. This goes on until cooking isn't even considered a hobby of Vincent's, he's doing it for others rather than himself. It gets to point he barely enjoys cooking and food in general, so losing his taste is symbolism for Vincent losing out to his hobby to impress others.

He says after losing his taste, he is desperate for a dish. Everything tasted the damn same. It drove him crazy. He wanted something different if we connected that with Vincent trying to impress Rody with his dish, we can also connect that to the theory that Vincent was in love with Rody. If he did like him, I don't think Vincent saw him as an actual potential lover, he saw Rody as another chance to impress the people he couldn't, could Rody remind him of someone that Vincent was desperate to impress? And seeing Rody, he saw a second chance to be a big shot, to prove others wrong and to finally be accomplished?

Vincent literally agrees to date Manon despite being a gay man, just to cook her and feed her to Rody in hopes that he'll love it. Vincent knew Rody LOVES Manon, as long as she's involved he will love whatever it is, so Vincent sees Manon as his key to his goal and kills her. But that doesn't work, and he dies.

They both mirror each other in such interesting ways, I love it.

Rody probably learned his lesson and eventually moved on from Manon, but Vincent didn't see what was the problem, that there was no unique dish that he needed he just needed to rediscover his passion and stop using food to seek validation, yet he died chasing a goal that would never happen.

In conclusion, Dead Plate's theme is trying to impress people and seek validation that we lose ourselves and don't even think about what we want. At times, it may even end us.

[hidden-clue]

I was listening to Clue Crew Podcast today and in the SEA episode, it was explained how the theme of the game was loneliness, and how every character in that game has lost somebody, via breakup, divorce, death, and along that theme, Nancy and Ned have also had relationship trouble and were arguing, even getting close to Nancy making the future of the relationship uncertain.

And I realized that this is not only true for Sea of Darkness, now that I think back on it, Nancy and Ned's dynamics have consistently been in theme for every single game. Remember in Captive Curse, how annoyed we all were that they were constantly arguing and getting angry at each other and making drama, interrupting our play? That was a clue. It was a clue that the theme was breakup and revenge, it was showing us that the culprit was someone who held a grudge against their relationship partner. I think the game was hinting at how badly a relationship could go and Nancy and Ned have managed to evade the disastrous outcome by making peace and finding a way to work thru their issues.

And then think of every other game where Nancy and Ned have been arguing and it fit the theme perfectly. And then think of every game that they were pointedly not arguing; remember the Castle Malloy where Ned was stuck at a party, unable to escape but loyal to Nancy to a fault and completely dedicated to her to the point where he didn't even want to speak about how inconvenienced he was. It was a metaphor for Matt! Who was stuck but still completely loyal to Kyler! We could have figured out that they would have stayed together just looking at Nancy/Ned dynamics in the game!

That kind of hint is so subtle I've never realized it before. Seriously, these games, there's never an end to realizations.

[existentialcrisistime]

D&D: Honor Among Thieves (Xenk/Edgin) fic rec list:

These are just based on those I've read and loved so far. There are so many incredible works coming out of this new fandom that I'm sure I'll have enough recs for a second post in another month or so.

Because this turned onto a bit of a long post, the recs are below the cut.

I've marked the rating by each fic, but please do mind the tags!

Curse of the Green Hag by @moorishflower (E, 16k)

Xenk contracts a fuck-or-die curse and turns up on Edgin's doorstep for the first time since Neverwinter. Also contains an excellent cameo from Holga, a bit of bondage, Xenk's first time, and A Lot of emotions. And of course the actual smut is top tier. Already wanting to read this one again.

High Praise Indeed by enchantedsleeper (T, 3k)

Xenk stops by Holga and Edgin's cottage to find Edgin in the throes of a breakup. In the process of trying to persuade Edgin of his many worthy qualities, he accidentally reveals a little too much. Short and very sweet, with cameos from Holga and Kira. Would recommend for fans of pining idiots.

in the absence of truth by @floralprintshark (E, 13k)

Five times Ed says that he hates Xenk and one time he doesn't. Yes, a 5+1 things, but oh it's so much more than that! There are heists and hijinks, accidental asshole Edgin, uncertain and inexperienced Xenk, and a hint of polyamory between Simon and Doric, but the whole party are featured and written perfectly here. Also contains Many emotions. I sent this one to the group chat, and we were ALL screaming about it (in the best way)

Universal Glue by Korwwa (E, 10k)

A rescue mission goes wrong, and Xenk and Edgin get caught in, yes, a glue trap. The premise may sound like a crack fic, but it's definitely taken seriously, whilst still being very fun. Plus a wee bit of angst for (delicious) seasoning.

Scraping the Moss Off the Standing Stones by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (E, 4k)

Established relationship, Xenk comes home after a long time away and Edgin takes care of him. Oh boy, this fic sure packs a lot into just 4k words, and I feel like the author just Gets how I imagine Xenk - always seen as holy or evil, but just wanting to be treated like a person. Also very hot - I'm weak for some well-written dirty talk and this is perfect.

When the well runs dry by demon_faith (G, 2k)

Part one of the Time Heals All Wounds series, which can either be read as a series or as stand-alone fics. Established relationship, Edgin is badly injured, and Xenk is unable to heal him. A classic hurt/comfort with a good bit of Edgin whump, and Xenk struggling with the reality of that.

On the edge of a blade by demon_faith (T, 3k)

Part two of the series, again established relationship. This time, Xenk gets badly hurt, and it's up to Edgin to take care of him. Heavy on both the hurt and the comfort.

lay on hands by @hauntedfalcon (E, 2k)

A getting-together/first-time fic, with a healthy dose of body worship. Xenk gets off on Edgin's metaphors. Beautifully written, and also my initial thoughts were - this is an author who sure is clued up on the names of medieval clothing/armor.

half your life (you've been hooked on death) by roundtriptojupiter (T, 2.5k)

Edgin struggles to process the events of the past six months, when Xenk turns up at his doorstep. Or, Edgin and Xenk process grief together, then kiss about it. A great exploration of Edgin's emotions, not only regarding Zia and Holga, but of the other people he may have harmed along the way.

We can burn much brighter (if we don't look back) by enchantedsleeper (T, 6k)

Xenk apprehends Forge and learns of the events that transpired at Neverwinter. Grappling with the fact that his past almost repeated itself while he was too far away to help, he encounters Edgin. Such a lovely post-movie fic, exploring just how Edgin and Xenk are processing their feelings in the wake of it.

Do you know you'll never fly alone? by MayGlenn (T, 1.2k)

Something a bit more light-hearted to end the recs list on: a fix-it of sorts, but for the poor undead guy in the post-credits scene. Xenk takes Edgin on a late night ride, to fix an issue he'd left behind, but maybe for something more also...

And that's that for now! Please do feel free to recommend your favourite D&D: Honor Among Thieves fics in return, or yell about which of these you loved the most. My comments and inbox are always open :))

And to the fic writers (and all fic writers out there), thank you so much for sharing these stories with us! You're all absolutely wonderful, talented people <3

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

not only did her relationship with joe go from feeling like a sacred oasis to imprisonment but i actually think that going from warmth and safety to carelessness and neglect was probably taylor’s actual idea of the Bad Place. like what a cruel twist of fate for the lover girly who only ever wants to bask in companionship to be stuck in a relationship where she felt completely abandoned. so many lyrics in so many songs expressing how excluded and lonely and drained she felt and yet the fact that it once was such a loving shelter for her made it so hard to let go of. i think that was the stuff of nightmares for her.

Yeah like. Idk these days I’m feeling less inclined to rehash it too much because I think everything that could have been said about it has been. (But watch me come out with an essay about it tomorrow lmao.) Part of that is “all breakups are the same” in that… for most relationships at some point the safety of your home becomes a minefield, for whatever reason, which is why it ends. Unfortunately for Taylor that safety of the home is layered with SO many other issues (eg the retreat due to her “cancellation” and mental health and other issues) so it would have been even harder to unpack — and come to terms with — if I had to guess.

But yes, when it comes down to it, it must have been devastating to realize that the safe space of her home actually began to feel like the thing that was *causing* her pain. You’re Losing Me is such a great example of this with, “remember looking at this room? We loved it ‘cause of the light / Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time.” Like, the home is the physical space in the song, but it’s also the metaphor. The place that once brought so much joy to both of them (light) is the place where she now feels loneliest (dark). And yeah, the idea that she felt at one point that she had finally gotten her life together, in that she managed to build this home life with someone she loved and envisioned a future with, with timelines and plans, only for it to be whittled away piece by piece? The stuff of nightmares for sure.

I mentioned this a while back but I watched “Someone Great” for the first time a few months ago kind of as a joke, thinking “surely a Netflix movie can’t have really inspired the greatness that is Death By a Thousand Cuts”” and within five minutes of the movie starting I was like “Oh I know EXACTLY why this movie triggered her so badly 🥴”. Anyway I highly recommend it for anyone who wants a glimpse into what we mean by “all breakups are the same” because it’s essentially the very sanitized version of Joever (and by that I mean, every breakdown of a LTR in one’s early 30s).

[linkspooky]

Helloooo I finished the first part of your jjk fic!!

I FLIPPING LOVED IT FUCK I MUST READ THE OTHER PARTS DAYUM I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭)

I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

I just know you love your oc for the way you wrote him, links. You crafted his character with a lot of care, and there's nothing more beautiful to me, as a reader, than an author pouring all their love and passion to their characters and story (Wether it's fanfic or not this level of care on your writing speaks volumes about you as a writer! Keep writing. There are people who appreciate it a lot :D)

All the metaphors meticulously placed to subtly hint you what you wanted to portray for each character and also as a way for foreshadowing. I just love that level of care in media. It makes you want to reread it again and make sure you didn't let any detail slip on you first read.

From chap. 5 what I liked the most, aside from the convo between Gojo and Utahime, which showed Gojo's more sensitive side with that touch of sarcasm so you don't take him as seriously because hey, he's still Gojo The Strongest!

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you:

Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey."

Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Toji showed him that. Work is work. It doesn't matter whether you have strength and honest reasons to save people. You could still die at the hands of the same ones you risk your life to protect, and the world would still spin.

That broke Geto and eventually caused his breakup with Gojo because Geto realised that he was weak. That he did care. He never forgot Riko like Gojo. He felt guilty for letting his feelings overwhelm him and ruin his relationship with Gojo. He started to understand that compassion and empathy were a weakness. Those feelings were the reason he got so careless. It was his fault that Riko died:

Geto is a very tragic character. He can't help but feel everything. Feel for everyone. If he notices, he'll make time to listen to you and ease your pain as much as possible even if that means sacrificing himself for you... and Michi noticed that because they were similar. Michi found Geto as precious as Geto found Riko as such:

This part of chap.5 made me wonder if Michi could have caught feelings for Geto (maybe one-sided). Since their first interactions, I always thought they could have had something if the circumstances were different and, well... if Gojo wasn't there intervening lol.

(Maybe it's just me that I want them to be together. I know well that Geto and Gojo were made for eachother :)

Michi, despite his jealousy towards Gojo, he cared for both in his own way. I feel like what Michi was trying to with this whole plan (what a plot wist btw I gasped when I read it) aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Geto is too precious to be corrupted by any of them, so Michi couldn't bring himself to "steal" Geto from Gojo and "enlighten" him with the harsh reality of being in the Jujutsu world.

If someone had to change, it was Geto himself by his own will and... so he did on chap.7 when he was once again reminded of how little their lives meant if they weren't as strong as Gojo.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo.

I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Forgetting the dead ones is a necessity. A self-defense mechanism to keep them attached to their jobs more efficiently.

Sorcerers were meant to sacrifice their humanity to safe people, and once they die, they're ready to be forgotten and replaced by other sorcerers. It was a cycle.

Their lives are cheap, just like the lives of the prostitutes Michi was so defensive with.

Those women were doing their job, just like Gojo, Geto, and Michi, but they could die in the hands of anyone any day and then... the blame would fall on them for being "weak, because "they were looking for it when they got in the industry. " Lastly, they'd be forgotten and replaced with other prostitutes.

How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

(I fear that was peak literature, links🫡)

Geto didn't kill Michi because he knew that Gojo could have killed both of them if he wanted... and he wouldn't have cared after doing so because he was programmed like that. He programmed himself like that to function in such a world.

At that moment, Gojo embodied the Jujutsu world's philosophy, and Geto knew that. Geto realised, once again, that he was weak compared to him. He was just one of those prostitutes, like Michi. Geto was, unlike Gojo, too weak to kill Michi.

Another detail that could be coincidence:

"Why does the story begin with the prostitute dying?"

That's funny (not really). At the beginning of jjk, the original story, first season, Geto, had already died by that time we just didn't know yet...

Thank you for this amazing first part of your fic links. I'll soon read the rest parts too. Idk if I'll be able to keep doing this asks all the time due to college, but I may send you an ask gushing about your writing from time to time! :p

Again ty for answering me and sorry again for bombarding you with this kind of yap sessions lmao

I hope you're doing well!💞

(Michi's official design just for you. He 's 29 in this not 18, he grew up from a Twink into a Mommy).

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭) I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

Michi is baiscally immortal. In the sense that his entire story revolves around the fact that prostitutes are treated like they're completely expendable by both our society, and also most of fiction. Michi the son of a prostitute and another victim of sexual abuse stubbornly refuses to die, because in this version his little life in worth something.

I'm glad you liked him. Michi is basically someone I created to characterize Gojo, by one being a narrator observing Gojo from the outside, but two being an unreliable narrator to illustrate that there's really no understanding Gojo the best you get as a reader is Michi's interpretation of Gojo which is heavily biased and flawed because of Michi's own projections and jealousies towards him.

However, Michi just kind of became a character of his own and left the role of Narrator. That's why I don't describe what Michi looks like at all until his conversation with Geto where he sees his reflection, like oh yeah, he's a person with a face. He has an identity of his own he's not just a pair of eyes watching Gojo. Michi himself is just a tertiary character in Geto and Gojo's narrative because he's observing from the outside but he's still his own person with his own story to tell.

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you: Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey." Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Michi is the midpoint between Geto and Gojo, deeply empathic like Geto and yet unable to relate to his fellow human beings like Gojo even if for completely opposite reasons. However, I do think Michi has given up on the idea that Gojo will ever understand him in spite of the fact that he still feels a lot towards Gojo.

However, Michi still desperately wants to be understood, which is why in spite of acting like a mastermind who wants to entrap both Gojo and Geto in his scheme he goes out of his way to try to explain himself to Geto and try to get Geto to see the world the way he does because Geto is the only person, perhaps in his entire life, that has given any kind of inkling that he might care.

Michi wants to be cared about, but he feels like when his mother died, there was no one else in the world obligated to care for him or take care of him. Geto is just someone who genuinely cares, Michi didn't think people like him still existed in this world.

That broke Geto and eventually caused his breakup with Gojo because Geto realised that he was weak. That he did care. He never forgot Riko like Gojo. He felt guilty for letting his feelings overwhelm him and ruin his relationship with Gojo. He started to understand that compassion and empathy were a weakness. Those feelings were the reason he got so careless. It was his fault that Riko died:

On the other hand I think the reason Michi immediately connected to Geto, is because Geto actually wears his human weakness on his sleeve. Geto's inability to show human weakness is what destroys his friendship with Gojo, especially since Gojo doesn't want to see that weakness in his best friend who is the only person he sees as an equal. On the other hand Michi is attracted to Geto because of his unwavering humanity.

Geto really is too sensitive to survive in this world, and Michi knows that, while Gojo is oblivious to that, but that knowledge just kind of makes Michi find Geto as someone precious. Geto is someone who's actually not all that mentally strong, he's vulernable and weak, and gets hurt because he cares too much and he can't actually just suck it all up and handle the strain of being a sorcerer but those things make him human in michi's eyes. He doesn't want Geto to suck it up and be stronger, he doesn't want Geto to become someone unfeeling and untouchable, to lose his sensitivty and empathy even if both things end up driving him mad. And after the fact, Michi decides to do the opposite of Gojo, and stay by his side and walk the same path as him.

I think simply because Michi wants to protect him. He doesn't want the world to kill this caring person the same way that it killed his mother, even though Geto has completely lost his way.

This part of chap.5 made me wonder if Michi could have caught feelings for Geto (maybe one-sided). Since their first interactions, I always thought they could have had something if the circumstances were different and, well... if Gojo wasn't there intervening lol.

Uh so word of god. Michi is in love with Geto. It's not what you'd consider traditional romantic love, because Michi doesn't really feel romantic love. If I had to compare it to anything it would be Itsuki fell for Sensui.

Loving Geto for being pure as the driven snow and continuing to love him after he fell into despair and became defiled.

I don't think Michi would ever sleep with Geto though even though he sleeps around with men a lot. Not because I'm like Oc X Canon is bad, but because he thinks Geto belongs to Gojo.

aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Michi's plans definitely shifted halfway through when he connected to Geto so quickly. I think it's like you said, Michi believed he had to show Geto the cruelty of the world. It's that logic that parents sometimes say, "I have to be cruel to you to teach you, because the world won't be easy on you." Also, like Itsuki above I think Michi detected those dark impulses in Geto brewing just under the surface, and wanted to drag them up. Because one, he saw a common spirit in Geto, and two I think he knew Geto was repressing himself so hard he was basically killing himself to function as a cog in society.

I think Michi just wanted Geto to leave cursed society though, he never could have predicted Geto would go on to be a mass murderer, and never would have wanted that to happen. Even if he still stuck by his side after the fact.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo. I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Michi's decision to ask Geto to do it instead of Gojo is simultaneously a calculation (he knew Gojo was going to kill him without hesitation but he was counting on the fact Geto would hesitate) and also a small act of mercy. Even though Gojo would kill him and forget about him soon afterwards, he doesn't think Gojo should be forced to kill his own family member because of how inhuman that act is.

Gojo shouldn't have to get his hands dirty and give away just another piece of his humanity for Jujutsu Society yet again, is Michi's logic.

Those women were doing their job, just like Gojo, Geto, and Michi, but they could die in the hands of anyone any day and then... the blame would fall on them for being "weak, because "they were looking for it when they got in the industry. " Lastly, they'd be forgotten and replaced with other prostitutes. How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

I'm glad you got the metaphor that basically the whole fic was built around. If you like this, it's an idea I explore further with Mei Mei's character in my most recent fic. Basically, Mei Mei like Michi has the same point of view. That Sorcerers are basically prostitutes who sell their body and enter a dangerous line of work where their lives mean nothing for money.

That every sorcerer is an expendable target, and when they die it's their own fault. That the system makes them put themselves in danger, and then blames them for becoming Jujutsu Sorcerers in the first place because they should have known the risk, nevermind how rigged society is against them. How the elders and people in charge do absolutely nothing to protect them.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the fics and I try just as hard to explore similiar themes in my later fics. I basically like to build each fic around a central idea, like "Don't you hate how prostitutes always die in the beginning of mystery novels?" So I hope since you're such a good reader you'll enjoy the themes of my later fics.

[modernmessydisaster]

Agatha All Along Theory

Aside from the Funko spoilers (HOW CAN YOU MESS THAT UP!?)

I've been thinking about Teen's identity, Nicholas Scratch, Agatha, and Wanda.

I think we are good to assume that Teen is Billy, but the question now is, how is Billy alive? What does he exactly "remember"?

And why does Agatha have an immediate attachment to him?

●

So, with spoilers from Episode 4. (From here, it's just my own rambling)

Agatha murdered her coven & her mother and we all assumed it was because of the Dark Hold

BUT

For some reason, I think Agatha got the Dark Hold AFTER the events of her trial. She was dabbling in dark magic but had not aquired the Dark Hold yet. It was after her trail that she truly sought it out.

Perhaps her travels led her to meet Rio and began their situationship. Aka, aside from being more than "coven-sisters" (QUEER WIN), I think Agatha & Rio made a vow in not only that neither could harm the other. But also quid pro quo.

Agatha gave Rio bodies. Witch bodies after she took all their magic or people she even killed. Cause maybe Rio is DEATH!? Truly, the way into an entity's heart OR Rio is related to Death in some way.

Either way, if Agatha supplied bodies for Rio, what did Rio do for Agatha? That I do not know, maybe protection? From what then? Maybe the Dark Hold?

Well, whatever Rio had to protect Agatha from, she made the decision even knowing it would hurt Agatha. That decision!?

Rio sacrificed Nicholas Scratch, Agatha's son, to Mephisto to save her.

Personally, I think Agatha was dying or being horribly corrupt by the Dark Hold that her soul was close to being owned by Chthon. So, Rio made a deal with Mephisto to save Agatha's soul and gave up Nicholas in exchange/payment.

Thus, the breakup & lover to enemies between Agatha & Rio.

My points against it!

Agatha's vision in Ep 2, the Dark Hold in the baby cradle. It's implied that Agatha did do it.

But, it's still vague enough that it could have a different meaning. She did look so emotional gazing at it, even shedding tears. Then, absolutely horrified seeing it was the Dark Hold instead of her son.

Perhaps it's a metaphor for Agatha's pursuit of the Dark Hold made her blind or arrogant to what be the consequences for such dark knowledge. The loss of her son.

●

I would also like to point out the possibility that Agatha doesn't even know what exactly happened to her son? She might actually believe she sacrificed him for the Dark Hold, but she herself isn't sure.

Hence, why the sudden attachment to Teen. She grows to believe that Teen is her son, that she/Rio didn't sacrifice him. That Agatha put the sigil on him and gave him up instead.

Either way, Agatha has doubts about what actually happened to her son.

Teen

Rio confirms that at the end of Ep 4 to Agatha, that Teen isn't her son.

And yeah, obviously Teen is Billy, Wanda's son BUT my crack theory.

Wanda tried making Billy & Tommy real after the events of WandaVision with the help of the Dark Hold. But she thought she failed, hence why we have Doctor Stange MoM. But it actually worked!

Wanda did bring Billy & Tommy into existence but unknowingly had help from Mephisto. He gave her Nicholas' soul to use to bring her sons to life. Might explain why Agatha believes Teen is her son. She senses something about him that makes her want to believe.

BUT why would Mephisto do this? Honestly IDK, maybe he has plans to use Billy & Tommy as leverage against Wanda to get her soul, and maybe her powers to bend reality at his will. Instead of only doing so when making deals. Maybe to use her & the boys against Cthon or the boys are sleeper agents that he's waiting to use one day.

Moving on,

Teen even asks Agatha if she put the sigil on him, so Teen has doubts about his identity!

Teen even starts to question if he is Agatha's son, but why?

It's because all the memories Teen has about his suppose parents & life aren't "real"

It's either fake memories implanted in him and people "acting" in their roles to keep it up.

Since in the trailer, we see Teen in a hospital gown? Along with Agatha in a type of prison cell. I think the government or some type of organization found Teen/Billy and had him locked up monitoring him since he does give off some type of energy/magic. Agatha will probably unlock the truth to Teen and even break the sigil.

I'm ending it here since I am tired, it is late. Well, here are my theories. I am probably horribly WRONG, but I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #8 – The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham James

This has been on my tbr for long enough that I entirely forget what originally put it there – the only thing I actually knew going in was that the author was ‘the My Heart is a Chainsaw guy’ (I have not read My Heart is a Chainsaw yet either). Given the genre, that was honestly probably ideal. As was the fact that a blizzard hit a couple days after I started it and I’ve been reading it looking out on a frozen snowscape – it’s very much a winter sort of story.

The story’s told in five parts of wildly varying lengths, each with it’s own endearingly cheesy b-horror movie title and each following a different protagonist. The first four each follow one of a friend group who, as a bunch of fuckup teenagers, trespassed on hunting grounds that were really supposed to be reserved for elders and shot a bunch of elk they had no right to – including a pregnant young cow who was for one reason or another special. Ten years later, the Elk-Headed Woman drags herself back into the world, and begins getting her vengeance for the death of her and her child on each of them (and everyone they care about) in turn.

I have a longstanding opinion that a full-length novel is just too long to sustain a real horror story – by 300 pages things have fairly reliably collapse into urban fantasy or action or farce. The breakup into different parts solves this very well – they’re all very much connected and interwoven, but each feels like its own distinct narrative unit with its own tension and rising action.

And this is very much a horror story in the classic, just barely short of shlocky sense. A trespass against vague but understood sacred laws that leads to horrific and bloody retribution against everyone involved is as close to archtypal horror as you can possibly get, after all. The last section is even focused on a Final Girl! Specifically, it’s a subgenre that I can’t really name but feels very familiar to me – and one I’ve always been a huge fan of, anyway. It’s somewhere downstream of The Count of Monte Cristo, a story where the agent of supernatural doom spends the majority of the story consciously working in the background, manipulating events and exacerbating the protagonist/victim’s flaws to lead them to a contrived but tragic end? Think the netflix Fall of the House of Usher, but like about the exact opposite end of the socioeconomic spectrum.

Class is very much something the book cares about. All four protagonists grew up poor on a reservation with little in the way of wealth or opportunity, and by the time they’d turned eighteen all four of them were the kind of young asshole who made life just a little bit worse for everyone around them dealing with the same shit. Ten years latter the three of them who’ve survived that long have gotten over themselves and matured in their own way (and to their own degree), but none of them are exactly flush with cash or living lives of bourgeois respectability (though Lewis comes close). The precarity and only tenuous connections to the society around them just make them better prey for what’s hunting them, of course – in every case, death comes after the (either metaphorical or very viscerally literal) destruction of the few close ties they have, and the only one to survive is also the only one who could really expect people to come rushing to their rescue.

Speaking of close ties the protagonists have – the book’s conception of gender is fascinatingly weird, or at least fascinating in the sense that I’m not at all sure how intentional it is. Of the four main victims, one dies alone at eighteen, and the other three who survive the next ten years are all pretty much explicitly saved (or at least improved and uplifted) by a relationship with a woman who, if not flawless, is basically strictly his moral and practical better. Even the most consistent fuckup of the group has a redeeming feature of being willing to do just about anything for his daughter (despite having lost the chance to really be a big part of her life several times over). With one exception, these women all then die, messily, entirely and explicitly to fuck with and ruin the lives of their men. It’s like someone read Women in Refrigerators and went ‘well there’s an idea...’. It’s blatant enough that I feel like it’s got to be making a deliberate point, but (unless it’s just genre emulation) what the point is does escape me slightly.

Also on the note of stuff I’m quite sure is going over my head at least a bit – basketball! It’s a pretty vital thread running through the entire book, to the point that one of the big set pieces of the final act is literally a basketball game with the monster. Which, like, I watched enough bad anime as a small child to find contrived game-playing under unclear mythic rules with things that really want to kill you instinctively endearing, but I can’t really do anything with this except just point at it.

So as the title might imply, this is a novel that’s concerned with race – all but I believe exactly one character is either is either Blackfeet or Crow, more than half the book takes place on a reservation, and a chunk of the rest is spent having to deal with racist assholes of varying severity. Now, I admit that I have at this point a probably overly cynical view of books that end up on breathless ‘socially conscious horror’ or ‘s/ff from diverse creators you NEED to read’ lists online, but I was still rather pleasantly by how matter-of-factly this was handled? I suppose the best way to put it is that culture, upbringing and racialization deeply inform everyone’s characters, but it never feels like the book is preoccupied with providing some assumed naive and impressionable audience any Important Lessons or provide Good Representation to valourize or emulate? Which is probably just a sign I need to raise and re calibrate my expectations, but.

The monster doesn’t exactly work as, like, a coherent character in terms of her skills and abilities, but as a monster the Elk-Headed Woman is great. But then I love contrived fucked up tragedies and am a longstanding partisan of Spooky Deer Horror, so I suppose I would say that.

So yeah, fun read!