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nojey · 4 years ago

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fans

dream x streamer!reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 2.4k

warning(s): cursing, failed relationship, throwing things out of anger

synopsis: (y/n) and dream met through a mutual friend and their own friendship begins to blossom on its own. they start talking more and more and the feelings they have for one another grows so much more than either of them imagined. but as they stream together, they realize how much hate they’ve started to get and rethink whether or not they should be together or not.

looking back on it, meeting dream was one of the best days of your life. that day, your friend, sapnap, had introduced you to one of his friends and from that day forward, a beautiful relationship bloomed. not a single one of either of your viewers knew you two had become friends and it was nice; keeping something to yourself from a whole community that knew almost everything about you. you both went from talking every once in a while, to every week, to every other day, to almost all day, everyday. you grew to know pretty much everything about each other, where he grew up, how his childhood was like, everything from his favorite color to what he feared the most. and as you got to know him more, your feelings for him just grew so much more than you had ever imagined. and you hoped he felt the same way about you.

when he asked you if you wanted to facetime, you were shocked. you guys were only ever either in a discord call, regular call, or texting. granted it had been about 7 months since you both became friends, but you didn’t need to know what he looks like. you like him for the person he is, how caring and attentive he is to his friends, how witty his personality is and how cocky and confident he is. you like him for the passion he has in his heart for the people and things he loves. you never had to see his face to know these things about him. but because you knew this was a big step in your friendship, you accepted. him even asking you to facetime meant so much to you.

he called you with his phone facing the ceiling and you had propped up yours so your upper body was on full display. “clay, you know you don’t have to show me your face? if you’re not ready to, you don’t have to.” you told him. “i’m more than ready to show you what i look like, (y/n). you’re an important person in my life and i want to show you.” he replied. “okay.. if you’re really sure. i just hope you know that whatever you look like, it will not change my opinion of you.” you assured him. “i know, (y/n).” he chuckled. “which is how i know i’m ready to show you.” you smiled. your heart warmed knowing that he trusts you this much. “whenever you’re ready, clay.” you said. “close your eyes,” he said. you did what he asked of you and you heard shuffling. he let out a breath, grabbed his phone and propped it up so you could see his face.

“you can open your eyes now.” he said. you slowly opened your eyes and your breath got caught in your throat as you fully saw him. “wow..” you whispered, still examining his face. “you’re really pretty, clay.” he started blushing and said, “stop staring, you’re just going to fall in love with me.” laughing a bit. you started blushing too and looked away. both your reasons for blushing may have been different, but you knew you were blushing because what he said was true.

for the rest of the night you both stayed up until 3am talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other more than you already did.

the day you both streamed together was about 4 months later. the internet went crazy. your viewers and his had absolutely no idea you two had known each other but they saw the way you two talked to each other; they knew you sounded like you were talking to your soulmate. you didn’t have to watch what you said, you laughed out to your hearts content, you both teased each other in such a flirtatious manner that it didn’t take them long to start thinking you guys were in a relationship.

but with the people who supported you, there were twice as many people who hated the idea of you two together. at first it was bearable, neither of you cared about the hate because you were happy with where you both were with each other. clay was confident that you felt the same way about him that he had for you. he fell in love with you and you knew you had fallen in love with him too.

a few weeks after your first stream together, he asked you if you wanted to fly to florida to meet him in person and you immediately said yes. you started packing your bags and by next week, you were on your way to meet the guy of your dreams.

when you landed, he was already there waiting for you and when you got to baggage claim you saw him and immediately recognized him. you ran up to him and gave him the tightest hug ever; you were finally in his arms. the height difference was evident and he had to lean down a bit to hug you but he felt so content with you being there, in his arms.

“you’re really here..” he whispered. “i’m here, clay. i’m here.” you assured. tears started slowly falling down your face and you buried your face deeper into his chest, taking in the warmth that was filling you. clay started crying too, thinking how lucky he was to be able to hold you close to him.

the day after you flew in was the one year mark of you two becoming friends so you went out to celebrate. throughout the day you guys reminisced back to the nights you both stayed up till the sun rose just talking and created new memories as you adventured through orlando. when it was around 3pm clay drove you to the beach to witness the sunset and you arrived just when the sun was kissing the water. you looked around the beach and saw no one but a beautiful set up with roses on the sand. you looked at clay with a surprised expression, he smiled, took your hand and lead you to where the roses laid. he brought you to stand in the middle of it and took both your hands in his,

“(y/n), when sapnap introduced us i never knew you would be such an important person in my life and i couldn’t be more grateful for you. you have helped me through my darkest times, celebrated with me in my happiest, been patient with me when i was being insufferable, stood by me during the most boring days and acted like you were having a blast when it was only just us talking. you’ve shown me that i can let myself be who i am without caring what any other person had to say about me. there’s so many words that i can’t put together right now because that’s how you make me feel. you make me feel so nervous when i’m around you and all the words in my head just get mixed up and i never know what to say. but i do know that right now, i’m trying to ask you on a date. so (y/n), will you go on a date with me?” by the time he was done with his speech you were close to tears. “of course i’ll go on a date with you clay.”

the night of your date had been the most magical night of your life. in the day you both went to disneyworld and at night he brought you to a hill top to, once again, watch the sunset while you both ate dinner on the hood of the rental car he got. everything was so perfect, it was the best date you’ve ever went on.

he was an absolute gentleman, not letting you pay for your things, opening the door for you, pulling you closer to him when someone got too close to you, treating you like you were a princess and you couldn’t have asked for a better guy to be with.

after you both finished your dinner you just laid down on the hood of the car and stared at the stars, talking about a future you wish had come true. that night you shared a kiss that would be remembered through the horrid months to come.

the day you left orlando, you didn’t think it would be the last time you ever saw clay in person. when you got home you talked like normal, already speaking about a second date the next time either you or he visited. you both missed each other like crazy and you believed you would see each other very soon.

you streamed together more often and no one was blind to the smitten words you both shared, to the adoration dripping in your voices. so many people hated it and you never understood why, was it because they thought you weren’t good enough for him? because they were so protective over him? did they just hate you? so many questions filled your mind when your phone ringing brought you out of it. you reached for your phone and saw that clay wanted to facetime. you answered with a smile on your face, “hi clay!” but it soon dropped when you saw the solemn look that fell upon his. “is everything okay?” you asked. he sighed and said, “we need to talk.”

and everything fell apart.

the next words that came out of his mouth broke your heart. “i don’t think we should continue dating, or maybe even being friends.” you could feel the tears pricking your eyes as you looked around your room, trying to understand why this would come up all the sudden. “what do you mean?” you asked, slightly laughing hoping he was playing some sick joke on you. but when you kept looking at his serious face, you understood he wasn’t and your tears finally fell. he looked at you and his eyes glossed over.

it hurt him knowing he was hurting you; the most important person in his life, the person he believed he would get married to and grow old with, the person he stayed up, losing sleep for just to get to know because you were worth that and a million more.

“i know you see all the hate we’re getting. and that’s only us streaming together. what happens when they find out we went on a date or if we do start dating, what would the fans say?” he said, no longer looking at you through his screen. “why do you care about what they’ll say about us?” you whispered. “look at me, please.” he slowly looked back at the screen to see your face full of tears and that’s what finally broke him.

“our fans. they hate seeing us together, we can’t disappoint them. we can’t dissatisfy them. i know your fans mean the world to you and mine mean the world to me too.” he said, wiping his tears away, wishing he could just wipe yours, kiss your cheek and tell you everything would be okay. “but we can make it work, we won’t stream together as much or at all anymore. we can be like how we were before they knew we were friends! we can make it work clay..” you said. he started getting frustrated, just wanting this to be over with so he didn’t have to see you so hurt anymore.

“i can’t keep going on with my fans hating the relationship i’m in (y/n)! i can’t keep seeing my fans hate you because of me! i can’t keep making my fans mad at me because i have a stupid little crush on you!” he raised his voice. the last sentence hurting you more than anything. and he saw that in your facial expression, immediately regretting it.

“no, (y/n). i- i didn’t mean it like tha-” you cut him off. “a stupid little crush? is that all i was to you clay? a stupid little crush? so what, that whole year we spent getting to know each other was you just having a stupid little crush on me? you asking me to fly to forida to meet you, was that you just having a stupid little crush on me? me actually flying all the way to florida to meet you, did you think i just had a stupid little crush on you? did you think me saying yes to going on a date with you was me just having a stupid little crush? what, did that date mean nothing to you? did that kiss mean nothing? did you not mean anything you said to me the night you asked me on that date? because i meant every single thing i said to you clay. you’ve impacted my life so much in such a good way, but i guess you didn’t feel the same way. was i just a joke? just someone to play with while you were bored?” you asked, not wanting to believe what he was saying.

“no, that’s not what i meant.” he sighed. “then why can’t we work things out!? i don’t understand, clay. if you really did mean everything you told me on that beach then why aren’t you trying harder for us?” you asked, disappointment dripping through your voice. “because i just don’t think we’d work out okay!” he yelled at you. neither of you spoke, just looking at each other. he saw the nasty glare and look of hurt wash over your face. “that’s all you needed to tell me.” you whispered.

you hung up and as soon as the call was disconnected you sobbed. you cried your eyes out. the guy you were in love with made you believe he wasn’t in love with you. you were absolutely devastated and you didn’t know if you’d ever be as happy as you were with him.

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in florida, sat a man with his phone clutched in his hands, tears streaming down his face that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon. he whispered, “what have i done?” he screamed, he threw things, broke picture frames, punched the wall. but doing all those things would never bring you back to him.

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(y/n): hey everyone! i think i’m going to take a break from streaming and all social media for a few months. i don’t really want to go into detail right now but maybe if i come back i’ll explain everything. until then i hope all of you stay healthy and hopefully i come back eventually, i love you all :]

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authors note:

you guys!! there will be a part 2, send me an inbox or a message if you want to be on the tag list !!

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imonthinice · 3 years ago

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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 5/?

Word Count: 2.8k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your name, A/N - Any name ( your best friend’s name)

Part 5! This is going well, I think, I hope you like it :)

So last night, I finished two parts to this series, and guess what? Turns out when Tumblr glitches you have no rights and suddenly all your work is gone! If you need me, I’ll be crying in my writer’s corner

Warnings: Swearing, Trauma, Family Issues, Left on a cliffhanger lol :) sue me, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Down girl, you’ve been on two dates, did he even open up to you fully? A/N texted back to Y/N, who took a quick break to the bathroom to compose herself and fix her hair after Jason, the man she was casually seeing, opened up to her about his father and his father’s criminal record as well as his mother and his mother’s passing.

Yes he opened up to me! But we’ve been spending all day flirting and I told him about how my father is an immigrant and how I tell everyone I am legally a bastard, and I just don’t know, is it too soon to say I like him?

Go get him, Girl. Go get him.

In the other room, Jason was hastily texting his brother Dick, who has been in a relationship with Barbara for a while now, and is deeply committed to her. So, he needed advice.

How did I know when to kiss Barbara? Do you want to kiss Y/N? Dick asked back to Jason.

Yes I want to kiss her you idiot, but when do I do it? We’ve only been on two dates.

Why don’t you take her to a fancy restaurant out of the city where you aren’t being watched constantly and she isn’t flipping off the paparazzi, and then do it? Also, Bruce thinks her flipping off the pap twice is very funny, shockingly.

As soon as he received that text, she walked back out of the bathroom, this time, letting her hair down out of the bun it is usually in.

“You look nice with your hair down, Y/N.”

“You think so? I usually have it down when I don’t have classes.”

“I do think so.”

“Well, thank you, Jason,” she purred, sitting back down in her chair, opposite him.

“Bruce saw your shenanigans with the pap, he apparently thinks it’s funny.”

“Your family is checking in on you? Can’t they trust me?” she said, in a completely sarcastic tone.

“Well, I was just bragging about how lovely I find you.”

“Kind of you to do so, Jason,” she placed her hands on his and had to lift herself up slightly to lean into him, not to kiss him or anything, but to be closer to him.

“Your love language is physical attention,” he smirked at her, “I can tell by how you grab me, Y/N.”

“Don’t psych me out now, we’re having fun!” she whisper-yelled at him.”

“I do it when I’m nervous,” he assured.

“What’s there to be nervous of?” she asked.

“The pretty girl leaning into my face making moves on me?”

“You want me to stop?”

“No,” he grinned, “no chance I want you to stop.”

And then his phone rang. He picked it up to hear a very panicked Bruce on the other end,

“Jason, here, now.”

“Okay, okay.”

He hung up and grabbed her hands and leant in, like he was going to kiss her, but only rest his forehead against hers,

“This has been lovely, really, but that was Bruce and he needs me, I’m sorry,” he whispered down to her.

“I understand, we can always go on more dates.”

“I hope we do, see you later, Y/N.”

“See you, Jason.”

And he left. But there was something about the furniture in the house after he left, it smelled like him. Not in a weird way where she was obsessed with it, but she associated the smell with the feeling of riding through the city and the back roads like no one was watching, the feeling of being free, the feeling of being unstoppable.

And that, that was the beauty of the chase, the beauty of what she wanted, to be free, gone from her parents, gone from her twin sister, free.

But, she went to bed that night without even going to her car to pick up her notes. She did have class tomorrow, but it wasn’t criminal psych. It was regular psych. Which she wasn’t stoked for, that’s for damn sure.

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Waking up, she opened her phone at around 5am to see a text from Jason,

You know, I always wanted to try some restaurants in Metropolis, I know you don’t like it, but I know the press doesn’t follow me there. What do you say? (Yes I know it’s 3am I’ll tell you all about what happened and why I’m awake so late later lol)

She thought about it, scared that her parents would see her walking around with this guy they didn’t know. Fuck it, she thought, I only live once.

Jason, I would love to. And I hope that story is a good one.

He almost immediately shot back, Mornin’ and yeah, it is. Do you have class today? I can come get you from your’s and pick you up from class if you need it, I swear you won’t have to ride the motorbike in your home city.

I do have class, and you don’t have to but my class is at 3pm again if you’re willing.

Meet up at 12 and talk for a while? Might be fun.

My roommate will be here, though.

Well, you already inadvertedly met my best friend, remember the baker? His name’s Will Harper. I called in a quick favor to impress you and he’s a sucker for a good romance story.

Well, he seemed nice, and yeah, if you want to meet my roommate you can come over, Jason.

You can call me Jay if you want to, Y/N.

I gotta shower now, Jason, but I figured nick names would come out in time.

She put down her phone and went to shower.

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“Mornin’ A/N.”

“Y/N,”, she greeted happily, “the coffee’s already brewed by the way.”

“God I love you,” she blurted out.

“Yeah yeah, tell me the drama, did you guys have sex?”

“No, but he’s coming over today to meet you slash talk to me before taking me to class and then driving himself and I to Metropolis for dinner.”

“Escaping the cameras to go to the city that has your parents?” A/N questioned, seeming concerned.

“I know, I know, but I only live once and I doubt we’ll see them. If we do, I might just call him my boyfriend to get it over with. Have to talk to him about that though.”

“Honestly, have you told him how insane your parents are?”

“That’s what I’m planning on doing today, A/N.”

“Don’t scare him off, Y/N.”

Y/N scoffed and she went to go get her notes from last night, it was around 11:50am, so she knew that Jason would be here any minute, but she needed to get those notes into her room, she was right about Jason when he pulled down the street in a Porsche. Pulling into her driveway, Y/N waved at Jason while finishing to pull out her books from her beat up car. Quite the difference from the Porsche and her car, but she only noticed it for a few seconds before both doors slammed, in sync.

“Well, that was timed perfectly,” she said to Jason when he met up with her at her car.

“Wow, we’re magicians,” he joked, “Do you need help?” he asked.

“No, no, I can handle it myself, thank you.”

“Well, it doesn’t kill me to ask, you’re going to need help with that door though,” he mused.

“Oh no, you underestimate me, I can open doors with my hips, and I think I didn’t shut the door the whole way so I could do this easier,” she laughed and began to lead him up the driveway, like she had done last night before he ran off with Bruce.

“Thinking ahead?”

“Something I clearly didn’t do when saying we could go to Metropolis, I’ll admit.”

“What do you mean?”

“We have time to talk about it later, Jay, are you however, ready to meet my roommate?”

“No, but you only live once, Y/N.”

“You won’t die, I promise,” she said as she nudged the door open with her hip and greeted A/N, “Hey girl! This is Jason, entertain him while I file notes, maybe, I swear I’ll speed run it.”

“Entertain him? Are you serious? He’s your guest!” she joked.

“Hey thanks man really appreciate it,” Y/N joked before hastily walking towards her bedroom, this was obviously a song and dance they had done with A/N’s lover, so Y/N shot it back at A/N.

“Jason.”

“A/N, right?”

“Yes, sir, how are you today?”

“I’m good, was that a fight?” he questioned.

“No, don’t worry, it’s just the way I acted when I first brought my partner, person, thing, over. She’s just being spiteful. Trust me, if it was a fight, there’d be a lot more of a screaming match.”

“Well, that’s reassuring, I think.”

“So, Jason, do you like her?” she asked.

“We’ve been on back-to-back dates since Sunday, A/N,” he paused, “I really do.”

“Well, it is not like I am going to sit here and be like ‘Oh you can’t date her!’ and feign being upset about this, I mean it’s been 2 dates and you’re going on a third, if that’s not leading towards seriousness, I don’t know what is,” she assured him. He seemed to like this.

“How much has she told you? My secrets or anything?”

“God no, you’ll tell me those with time when we’re friends.”

“Well, I hope you’re a good friend to Y/N and myself, in the future, then.”

“The future is just around the corner. Don’t let Y/N escape you. She’s a catch,” she finished as Y/N reentered the room,

“Did you two have fun?” Y/N asked.

“I think we did,” Jason said.

“We did,” A/N assured, “you two can go to her room now, I’ll be fine.”

“I wasn’t worried you weren’t going to be, you always are.” Y/N said to A/N before grabbing Jason’s hand and taking him to her room. He hadn’t been in her room yet.

It was kind of a mess, I mean it wasn’t like they had a maid and they’re both broke college/university students. Notes were strewn across her desk, but that was expected with such a high-study class, the one they met in.

“You clearly like the colour red,” Jason said, pointing to the obvious red feature wall, grinning.

“Well, I told my sister to design my room last time she was over and she picked it based off of the criteria I gave her, she’s going to be an interior designer, and red was one of the colours I gave her,” Y/N said with a sigh, “That’s kind of the thing we need to talk about, my family,” she sighed again, “They are, special, to say the least.”

“Well, so is mine.”

“Yeah but,” she sat on her bed and he joined her, “My family is quite, how do you say it, Christian? They’re very hard to impress and if they see me running around the city with you they might expect you to be my boyfriend, not the guy I’ve known for 3 days and went on back-to-back dates with,” she rambled, “ Not that they wont like you! They’re just traditional, and I’m not and it drives a slight wedge between us,” she paused to look at him, “This is just a really long-winded warning about only a chance to meet them,” she finished.

“Well, that doesn’t scare me. You would understand why if you knew the Waynes, not that they’re traditional, they too, are just hard to impress,” he assured.

“Probably shouldn’t have flipped off the paparazzi then, honestly.”

“No, Bruce found that funny. And about last night, my brother, Damien, he’s the youngest Wayne and one of the only not-adopted ones, being 3 not adopted ones,” he paused, “Anyway, he broke his leg playing office chair racing in the Manor, and I needed to go to Bruce to get yelled at for bringing up the idea,” he laughed, “Bruce then told me after that if he was invited I wouldn’t have been yelled at,” he paused, “That was fun.”

“So, very posh and pristine family, and one of you broke your leg roughhousing in a very expensive Manor?”

“Only in Wayne Manor would that be a sentence.”

“Seems like you have your hands tied with your family,” she joked.

“I wouldn’t if the idiots stopped hurting themselves playing games when I’m on dates,” he retorted and laughed with Y/N.

It seemed crazy that these two would meet, since so many factors played into it, but she swore God saw the potential for this to happen and said, This, this deserves a shot to shine. And she was grateful. She didn’t exactly believe in God, but if God sent her this boy, she might change her mind on going to church with her parents when they invite her.

And that’s the beauty in the mystery, the beauty in the ‘Positive’ they claimed after not knowing what to do next but still powering through to go on dates, and they had gone on enough dates and spent at least 1 third of the last 3 days with each other. That was impressive. That was a good sign and they both knew it.

The next step was packing a few bags and going on 24 hour dates in the cities, but they weren’t ready for that yet. They both thought a first kiss would be better before that. Luckily, Jason wanted to kiss her today, and she wanted to kiss him today.

Before they knew it, they were in the Porsche driving through the streets she describes all-too well, blasting songs and screaming lyrics with Jason, a song stuck out and that was the Annapantsu’s Smooth Criminal Rendition with Caleb Hyles. Since the rendition had a multitude of riffs that Y/N adored, she would scream it and Jason would continue the male parts. It was peaceful yet the most high-pressure intense situation she had felt in a while.

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Getting out of class, she somehow avoided the paparazzi she had grown somewhat accustomed to over the days she had known Jason, she got back into the Porsche before they noticed she was even there, but then they noticed, and Jason fucking floored it to the streets and out of there.

He dropped her off at her place to get ready for an expensive dinner with him in Metropolis. She thought long and heard about what to wear to her date, but in the end, she decided on a nice pink dress her mother had bought for her back in Metropolis. She had told her daughter, Only wear this on a date with a man you think is endgame, now, she didn’t know if Jason was endgame, but she did want to put all the energy she could into the universe to make him worthwhile.

(This is the first time I’m going to include pictures! I think I’m getting the hand of Tumblr now hehe :) )

(If the skin tone doesn’t match your own, because you’re darker or paler, just imagine it’s yours :) you’re all beautiful in your own right and I’ll use pictures with varying skin tones as I progress the story)

She gave a little twirl in her mirror before taking a quick picture to send to one of her other class friends, who was wondering how things were going with Jason at the time. Her name was Artemis Crock, she knew that Art and Jason were friends, but she also liked Artemis Crock a lot, thinking that they were likely going to be good friends.

You’re going to make him swear up and down to Will that he is ‘Only seeing you casually’ while Will says he’s in love with you, you’re killing it. She shot to Y/N.

Y/N smiled and left her bedroom to go meet up with A/N, who wanted to make sure the dress she was wearing was cute, and it was,

“Holy shit! I said look cute, not make him your bitch, Y/N!”

“Potato, Potahto,” she laughed, “You really think I look worthy of a Wayne?”

“You always do, but you didn’t have to go THIS hard to prove a point. Only one tabloid said you weren’t enough for him,” she paused and Y/N thought about that tabloid, it upset her, sure. But she was completely aware that spite was going to fuel many of her next moves in the press, “Just the one tabloid.”

“And the one tabloid is enough to make me spiteful. Fuck them tabloids, girl, they can suck it,” she said.

“I don’t think Jason would appreciate if the tabloids blew you,” she joked.

“You don't know that, A/N,” she retorted.

“Do you know that?” A/N said as the doorbell rang, “I’m assuming that’s for you, have fun!” A/N said and waved as Y/N waved back and walked to answer the door. Yep, it was Jason.

“Woah,” he said, mouth agape, when she answered the door.

“Close your mouth, Romeo. You’ll attract flies,” she joked.

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diegos-butt · 4 years ago

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Electricity chapter 4

Summary: For the first time in her life, Melody Williams is moving out of her hometown to Minnesota where she got a job as a crime journalist for the Minnesota Daily. But this city does not only have a new job for her to offer. What will happen when she crosses paths with detective Walter Marshall? Heads up, a little electricity is involved ✨

Walter Marshall x Melody Williams (Curvy OFC)

Warnings: mention of murder, a bit of fighting

Wordcount: 3.9k

A/N: don’t do anything reckless y’all. Let me know what you think of this chapter. 😘

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

•••

Somehow the universe was on my side for once. Once I got home, I noticed I had a new text message. I was surprised to see that it was from Walter. He asked if I got home safe. What a gentleman.

I figured he just wanted to make sure I got home safe, I didn’t think too much of it. If anything, I didn’t think we would end up texting each other for three days in a row. Did I wish that would happen? Yes. Did I actually believe it could happen? Definitely no. I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe it.

“Have you been texting with him again last night?” Gia asked when she saw me yawn and stretch my arms out above me. We were having a slow morning at work, and this was the third time she showed up at my desk.

“Maybe,” I smirked. Even though it started a little awkward, we were still texting. After I had texted him back that I got home safe, and he send a thumbs up emoji, it was silent for a moment. I had thought about what I could possibly text him next. I grabbed my phone to compose a text when a new message already popped up.

Walter: Still sure you want to live here?

A smile had formed on my face. He thinks he is funny huh. I was wondering what I could text back, and I thought to myself: what would I tell my friends to text back in a situation like this? Normally, I would never listen to my own flirting advice, but at that moment, I did.

Melody: Might stick around. Heard the detectives in town are quite something.

Since then, we had been texting constantly. Alright, maybe not constantly, we were both busy during the day, but we spend a good amount of the late evening texting. We got to know each other a little better. I told him about my family, and I shared a few awkward stories. For example, I told him about the time I was too stubborn to put on sunscreen during the summer, and I got sunburned to bad, I would never forget to apply it ever again. I still apply it every day, even in the winter.

In return he told me all about the shenanigans he pulled as a kid, and that he had a kid himself, Faye. At first, I was a little bit surprised, but then I figured we would have a babysitter once we would get children. Mel, get it together. You are not even dating him, you don’t even know if he likes you and you are already thinking about having children with him?! Our kids would look damn cute though..

“Earth to Mel! Stop daydreaming for once, and get some work done.” Carmen laughed and threw a pen at me, which I skilfully dodged, but it did wake me up from my little daydream.

“There is nothing to do! No development in the murder case and that’s all I am covering right now,” I said and spun around in my chair. “I am so bored right now, I don’t even know what to do.”

“Text your man, see if he has any new information?” Gia suggested.

“Hmm, he avoided talking about the case. Maybe they are having trouble getting a match with the murderer on that dating app.” I had told them about what happened the other day at the police station. I might have a hearing problem now because they had screamed so loud, I’m convinced the entire building heard them. It’s safe to say, they were very excited and convinced he liked me.

“Besides, he’s not my man!” I said while throwing the pen I picked up back at Carmen. “I mean, I wish, but he is so out of my league.”

“No one is out of your league, and I swear he’s into you. I saw the way he looked at you at the bar and at the crime scene. I have an eye for these things, trust me,” Carmen said and dodged the pen as well.

“Whatever,” I sighed. I spun around in my chair a few more times before an idea popped up in my head. “Guys, what if we set up an account on that dating app?”

“And then what? Meet with a creep? No thank you,” Gia said with a disgusting look on her face.

“I’m not a fan of that plan either. Please don’t do something like that Mel. Don’t do anything stupid. That could be very dangerous, and you know it,” Carmen agreed.

“It’s not like I’m actually going to meet him. I just want to see if I can figure out what profile he is using this time.” I stood up and looked out of the window. I oversaw the city, the sky was grey, and it was slightly raining. “Alright, fine. Can one of you give me something to do in that case? Otherwise I will make a dating profile.”

Later that day I laid in bed, trying to sleep. It was 1am and I had been trying to sleep for two hours, but I was still wide awake. I felt restless and didn’t know what I could do to fall asleep. I had tried to drink some tea, didn’t help. I watched an episode of The Office, didn’t help either. It also didn’t help Walter hadn’t texted me back for hours now. I wondered if he was already getting tired of me.

You know, I could, maybe, possible, just make an account on that dating app and swipe for a while. Maybe I would come across someone that matches the profile that the murderer would use. Gia and Carmen will probably kill me though.

I grabbed my phone. I hesitated for a second, but I downloaded the dating app. After I made an account and uploaded some cute selfies, I finally got to do some swiping. The most guys that came up were pretty basic. They didn’t spike my interest at all. They were the typical white boy, all with the same haircut and they looked like they did not only skip legday, also arm- and chestday. Half of them also posed proudly with a fish they had caught. As if that’s something girls like. Too bad none of these men look a little like Walter.

I also came across a few good looking, decent guys. I knew that was not what the police were looking for, so I swiped them to the left. The next profile was of a guy who was way too good looking. He also only had one picture. It was obviously that this picture was stolen from a model. The bio creeped me out a little. He said he liked to hike in nature, and he enjoyed the silence. You enjoy the silence? Are you trying to creep me out on purpose or what? I swiped him to the right. It was weird but I felt like this could be the one the police were looking for.

I swiped for a little while longer. Swiping a few sketchy looking profiles to the right until I felt my eyelids drop. Yawning, I put my phone aside and finally fell asleep.

The next morning my alarm woke me up. I stretched out after I turned the alarm off and grabbed my phone. There were a few messages, one of them was from Walter, but what spiked my interest was that I had a few matches on the dating app. I wanted to check it out, but I noticed I had to get out of bed and take a shower if I wanted to be at work on time.

After I had showered and got dressed, I grabbed my phone. The first message I opened was from Walter. He had texted me at 3am.

Walter: We were working late today, no breakthrough in the case. Missed texting with you, can I make it up by calling you tonight?

My heart skipped a few beats. He wanted to call? With me?! I stared at the message for a few seconds while I felt some butterflies flying around in my stomach. Okay, no need to freak out. He just wants to call, he is not proposing. Yet….

Melody: I missed texting with you too. And of course, you can call me tonight. I look forward to it.

Before I could overanalyse my response, I hit send. Take a deep breath Mel. No need to read into this too much. I checked my other messages and texted my mom and Gia back. My mom wanted to know how I was doing, and Gia needed an approval of her outfit of the day.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed some milk and cereal. While I was eating my breakfast, I noticed the notifications from the dating app. There were a few new matches, and one of them had send a message. It was from the guy with the creepy profile. His name was John. Millions of people are named John, you could’ve at least been a bit more creative while choosing a name.

John: What do you say good looking? Let’s skip the talking stage and just meet up?

I shivered at the thought of meeting up with this guy, but he could be the one they’re looking for, right? I decided to just go to work and deal with it later.

The workday was slow and boring. I finished a few articles but spend most of my time gossiping with Gia about our favourite celebrities which annoyed Carmen at first, because she wanted to get some work done, but eventually she joined us. I also told them about Walter’s text from that morning. If I weren’t sure I already had a hearing problem from their screams before, I sure as hell would have one now. Those girls made sounds so high, I’m surprised the windows didn’t crack.

The rest day went by slow, and before I knew it the clock showed me it was 3pm. I had decided to not tell Gia and Carmen about the fact I downloaded the dating app and was considering meeting with ‘John’. I mean, I would inform Walter about it. I wasn’t a complete idiot. No need to stress those girls out. Why would I?

My phone buzzed and I picked it up. Another message from ‘John’.

John: What’s it going to be beautiful?

I thought about it, and what could go wrong? I would inform the police, aka Walter. Besides that, I can put up a fight. It’s not like I am a damsel in distress. Plus, the upside of being a little bigger; I’m harder to kidnap, you got to be pretty strong to even lift me up. I shrugged my shoulders and texted him back.

Melody: Sure.

Short, but clear. I looked around the office, Gia and Carmen both sat at their desks typing on their computers. They had no idea what I was doing. They would probably kill me, right here right now. Before I could change my mind about not telling them, my phone buzzed again.

John: Tonight, 7pm? A new bar just opened up, we could get a drink there.

The rest of the message contained the address of the place. I googled it before I answered. The website of the place popped up, and as I suspected, it was clearly a fake website. Bingo. I texted him back, saying I agreed with his plan.

The rest of the hours I had to spend at the office went by surprisingly quick. Soon people were starting to leave, and so were Gia, Carmen and me. We parted ways in the entrance hall, and I drove home. Once I was home, I looked in the fridge, and I came to the conclusion I had forgotten to do groceries. Again.

I wasn’t in the mood to order take out, so I quickly drove to the supermarket. Unfortunately, unlike last time, I didn’t ran into Walter. Shit, I still have to text him about my meeting with ‘John’. I’ll do it once I get back home.

I drove back home and started making dinner. After I ate dinner, and did the dishes, I looked at the clock. It was already 6.30pm and I had to leave soon. Glaring down at my outfit, I decided I wanted to wear something more comfortable. I went to my bedroom and stood in front of my closet. I grabbed an old pair of jeans and a simple long-sleeved black tee. No way I’m going to dress pretty for this guy. Wait, what if he actually is the guy from the picture? Nah, not gonna happen. Shit, I still need to text Walter.

I needed to hurry up and put the tee on. While putting on the jeans, I suddenly heard a sound I didn’t like to hear. I look down and saw the jeans have ripped in the area between my thighs. Thick thighs save lives? They sure as hell don’t save jeans. I thought while throwing them across the room. Quickly I grabbed another, old, pair of jeans and put it on. I put my shoes on and fixed my hair.

I ran into the living room again and grabbed my jacket. With my car keys and phone in one hand, I locked the door behind me with the other one and made my way to my car. 6.45pm, right on time. I started the car and drove off.

While I stood in front of a red light, I remembered I hadn’t texted Walter. Shit. Contemplating what to do, I decided to call him. He didn’t answer. Shit. I left a voicemail instead. The red light turned green and I continued driving. Once I had to stop in front of another red light, I decided to text him as well. I noticed how the streets around me became emptier and emptier.

The street where I was supposed to meet ‘John’ was dark and pretty empty. The sun was settling down, making it even darker. I parked my car at a parking lot and checked my phone. No response from Walter. Not yet at least. I was alone in the parking lot and decided to wait for a few minutes.

Alright, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe this was pretty dumb. And why did I forgot to text Walter. Why couldn’t I have done that sooner?! You know what, I’m just gonna go. This was dumb. And reckless.

But before I could start my car, someone opened my door. A man stood there, he was tall but not very muscular and he did not look like the profile picture at all. He looked at me with a creepy grin that made me regret doing this.

“Hello there, nice to meet you. I’m John and you must be Melody. Why don’t you step out of the car?” he said. I didn’t knew what to say, so I nodded and wanted to step out, but he spoke again. “Why don’t you leave that phone of yours here, we don’t need it do we?”

I knew I had to play by his rules. So, I left my phone and stepped out. He took the keys out of my hands and locked my car. I tried to keep thinking straight. Walter should be here soon, right?

John kept talking to me in the meanwhile. He kept telling me how pretty I was and how glad he was to meet with me. I stopped listening when I heard my phone go off in the car. Walter. If that is not him but my mom, I will do something to her.

“Come on, let’s get away from that car, shall we? The bar is right around the corner,” he spoke. We were the only people in the parking lot. I noticed he had parked his car a few feet away from me. Something was definitely not right.

“You know, I’m actually good here. Could you give me my car keys back though?” I asked. I knew he wouldn’t, but I had to stall. I really hoped the police would show up anytime now.

“Ah please? Just one drink?” He took a step closer to me and grabbed my wrist. I quickly twisted my wrist, releasing it from his grip. He looked at me with an unpleased look, and I suddenly felt a presence behind me. Never sneak up on me you dumbass. I thought as I felt the presence got closer.

Once I felt someone was right behind me, I didn’t waste another second. I took a step to the right and shoved my elbow straight into the guy’s nose with full force. He grunted in pain and when I looked behind me, I saw he grabbed his bloody nose with both his hands.

“Creepy Greg from finance?!” I say surprised. “Could have seen that one coming.”

“You bitch!” the guy in front of me yelled. He raised his fist and threw it at my face. Well, he attempted it. I dodged it and slammed my fist into his face instead.

“Sorry, that might leave a mark,” I smiled.

Creepy Greg from finance was still standing behind me, crying, and telling me I broke his nose and that I would pay for it. Make me.

I looked back at the other guy, and he swung his arms at me again, trying to hit me. I ducked to the side a few times, avoiding being hit. Sadly, I couldn’t escape all his attempts to hit me. His fist met the left side of my face. I felt my blood boiling from anger. I took a deep breath and raised my fists. While I was about to throw a punch, I heard loud noises. Cars. Thank God, they’re here.

Before I could comprehend what was going on, policemen were already running towards us. One tackled creepy Greg and a familiar figure tackled the other guy and threw a hard punch in his face. This is not supposed to turn me on. At all.

Walter got up and handed the guy over to another cop. The guy looked at me in disgust, but I didn’t see it. My eyes were focussed on Walter. He closed the gap between us by taking two passes.

“First of all, that was insanely stupid and dangerous and very dumb. This was reckless behaviour! But we will discuss this later,” he said vigorously.

“Yeah, I figured,” I said. I opened my mouth to continue speaking, but he spoke first.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” he said with a concerned look in his blue eyes, and his hand caressed the cheek that had been hit. As his rough, calloused fingers touched my skin I felt a spark of electricity going down my spine. His other hand found its way to my waist, and he pulled me a little closer to him. His body radiated a welcoming warmth, and I smelled his familiar musky cologne.

“I’m fine, just got hit once. You should see creepy Greg’s nose,” I snickered.

“I did, and you sure know how to throw a punch,” he smiled. “I’m glad you’re okay. And I’m glad you called and texted me. I’m sorry I missed the call. If I hadn’t missed it none of this would have happened.”

“No, don’t be sorry. This was a pretty stupid, reckless plan and I should have called sooner,” I quickly answered.

“It was indeed reckless and stupid,” he sighed. “Look, we need to take your statement. Why don’t I take you home after?”

“I’d like that, but my car is here,” I said while pointing at it. His hand left my cheek, but his other hand remained on my waist. He was so close to me, and I felt so comfortable despite what happened a few minutes prior.

“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry.” He grabbed my hand, interlaced his fingers with mine and guided me to one of his colleagues. My heart was racing and skipped a few beats at the same time. His hand felt warm and comforting. I never wanted to let go.

We reached his colleague and he started asking me questions and he squeezed my hand before letting go. He walked away to speak to some of his other colleagues and I immediately missed his hand, it felt like mine had fitted perfectly in his.

I told his colleague what happened, and I could see he thought it was really reckless, but I also saw in his eyes he was kind of impressed. He complimented me on how I stayed calm, but he did tell me to never do anything like this again.

Once he dismissed me, I looked around for Walter. I noticed him already walking towards me, and he offered me a little smile.

“So, Liam is going to take your car down to the station and I will drive you home, alright?”

“Thank you,” I smiled at him. “Can I get something from my car? My phone and keys are still in there.”

After we got my stuff out of the car, he pointed at a big truck. We walked towards it in silence, and he placed his hand on my lower back. Oh god, please keep that hand there forever. Okay, I might be incredibly touch starved.

Unfortunately, we reached the car too soon and his hand left my back to open the door for me. I climbed in and he closed it. He walked around the truck, took place behind the drivers’ wheel, and started the car. While he drove into the street he asked for my address.

We sat in silence next to each other, the radio softly hummed a rock song. I looked out of the window, it was dark and suddenly I realized that what I had done tonight, could have ended badly. Really badly.

“Hey, are you okay?” Walter put his hand on my thigh but when I looked at him, his hand shot up to my cheek to wipe a falling tear away.

“Yeah, yeah. Just realizing that this maybe wasn’t a smart thing to do,” I offered him a small smile. His hand left my cheek and found its way back to my thigh. The warmth coming from it spread throughout my entire body and I didn’t think twice and placed my hand on top of his. He turned his hand around and interlaced his fingers with mine for the second time that night.

He smiled at me and focussed on the road again. We were near my home, but I did not want to be alone now. Heck, I wanted to be near him. I didn’t want him to go. It felt so good to just be around him. I have never felt so comfortable around someone so quickly.

He parked the truck in front of my apartment building, not letting go of my hand.

“So, we’re here,” I mumbled. He grunted in response. We sat in the truck in silence for a few more minutes until it started to rain. I knew it was now or never, he was not going to offer going inside with me. Not after what happened. Perhaps he thought I wanted to be alone.

I felt anxious, but I decided to just ask it.

“Could you stay with me for a while?” I avoided looking at him, but he squeezed my hand and his other hand gently grabbed my chin, making me look into his eyes.

“Sure thing doll.”

•••

> chapter five

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leafs-lover · 4 years ago

Text

I wish you were here

A/N: This was requested. I thought about making this a fluff piece, but had a change of heart and re-wrote half of it. I just have a thing for Freddie, and not going to apologize for it ;)

Also I am really bad at coming up with titles

Summary: After a stressful couple of weeks apart Fred surprises you.

Warnings: Smut, swearing, NSFW

“Hey babe” you mumble into the phone. You look to your clock on your bedside table 4:17 is illuminated on the screen.

“Hey how’s it going?” he asks as you rub your eyes open.

“Good, just lying in bed” you say yawning.

“You sound tired” he says through the phone.

“Yeah most people are at 4am” you joke.

“Oh shoot. I’m sorry babe I didn’t even realize. Why did you answer?”

“We have been pretty busy, haven’t had much time to chat” you explain.

Fred returned to Denmark almost 8 weeks ago and you weren’t able to go with him due to the pandemic. You don’t have enough vacation days left; you would only have a couple days in Denmark.

You had only started dating in January, and when the NHL paused in March Fred tried to return to Denmark but the borders had closed prior to the pause. When Auston offered for Fred to quarantine in Arizona, Fred asked your thoughts on it.

If he stayed you would have to quarantine together otherwise you wouldn’t get to see him at all. That would have meant after only being together for 7 weeks you would temporarily move into his condo, and spend every second together for who knew how long. Neither of you really wanted to do that, it would be a lot of pressure on a new relationship so he opted to go to Arizona.

You hadn’t talked about labels, and didn’t know what to expect. While he was gone Fred would facetime with you once or twice a week, and you exchanged texts almost daily. He constantly complained about Auston’s terrible taste in TV shows, you complained about your roommate’s terrible attempt at baking.

You didn’t anticipate being in contact with Fred that much, but he always carved time to talk with you, he even sent you flowers a couple times and ordered you dinner from your favourite restaurant. Neither of you thought it would be almost 3 months before Fred would return to Canada.

But when he finally did, you were the first person he saw. You had just over 3 weeks together before he had to enter the bubble, and you spent much of that time together. It was so nice to have Fred back, cuddled up on the couch relaxing with him. When you finally saw him you melted into his touch, and your relationship felt like it had been catapulted forward instead of back even with the time apart.

When he went into the bubble, you didn’t expect to see him again until September, you wanted to see him but you hoped it would be three months, but it ended up being less than three weeks. He carried so much of the strain of that loss on himself, and you tried to tell him it was a team effort. The weight isn’t his alone, but the media and a lot of the fans had a different opinion. Everyone was calling for him to be traded, if the disappointing end to the season wasn’t enough that didn’t help.

He spent a couple weeks back in Toronto, but you could tell he was defeated and needed to get out. He needed to get away from the media, the rumours and spend time relaxing with his family. Fred tried to fight you on it, he wanted to stay and spend time with you. Obviously you did too, but you knew he needed this.

When he left the NHL had hoped on a December start to the season, meaning Fred would be coming back in October or early November. But as the date for the season got pushed so did his return date. You had some late nights at work, and with the time change it made it hard to talk all the time, so when you had the opportunity you took it. Leading you to this 4am phone call on a Saturday morning.

“Go back to bed skat, we can talk later” Fred says into the phone.

“No Freddie, we barely talked this week. Now that I have you on the phone I don’t want to hang up” you whine causing Fred to laugh.

“Okay, but if you get too tired Kære let me know. I don’t have any plans today so we can talk later.”

”I’m just going to make some coffee” you say getting out of bed and heading to your kitchen. ”I only planned on getting some groceries later so I can take a nap later if i want.” You start scooping the beans into the coffee maker, opting for a large pot due to the time.

”Wish I was there for your nap” Fred says to you.

”Mmm same. You are perfect for napping with” you respond.

”Oh yeah, why’s that?”

”Because you are perfect for cuddling with. I just fit perfectly in your arms, and you are like a pillow and a blanket in one.”

Fred laughs into the phone “you just use me for my body eh?”

“Well can you blame me?” you joke walking back to your bed with your mug in hand. “No I don’t actually, I mean it’s definitely nice –“

“Nice? My body is nice? That’s what you use to describe a haircut” he jokes.

“Obviously it’s much better than nice. I just meant it’s nice that you have that body, but I wouldn’t care if you didn’t. That’s not why I’m with you though.”

“Obviously not if you just think it’s nice” he mumbles jokingly. “How was your week?”

“It was so long, I had to stay late almost every night, and there was 3 nights I didn’t leave until after 9. My boss actually wanted me to work today but I had to say no. I felt like I was getting sick from lack of sleep, so it’s nice to have the weekend off.”

“You work so hard you deserve the time off” he says to you.

“Yeah, I have a couple vacation days left, maybe I’ll take a long weekend or something.”

“Yeah you should do that, don’t want to get run down working so much” Fred replies.

“But what would I do? I wouldn’t have enough days to fly to another province. And parts of Ontario are shutting down” you explain.

“Have a staycation, I’m sure a couple days doing nothing would be nice” he replies.

“Yeah I guess” you say.

“So how are my plants doing, kill them yet?”

“Nope, they are still alive, but I should get over there today to water them” you respond.

“When you say alive, do you mean alive and thriving or clinging to life?”

“Uhh, somewhere in the middle” you say causing Fred to laugh.

You continue to talk for another hour; you curl up in your bed wrapped tightly under your duvet. You can feel your eyes getting heavy, but you try to stay awake to talk to him. You are unsuccessful and end up dozing off.

When you return to work on Monday you talked to your boss who approved for you to take Friday and Monday off work, giving you a four day weekend. You are excited for your days off, but you have to get to end of day Thursday. Your week is filled with multiple zoom calls and long days, you are actually surprised your boss is okay with you taking time off.

When Wednesday comes you are completely drained. You had multiple meetings, angry clients and have to finish a project before you take off for the weekend. You were so busy you didn’t even notice you hadn’t had lunch until it was almost 3.

It’s almost 9pm when you walk through your door with some papers and dinner in hand when you hear your phone ring. Your apartment is dark and empty, your roommate away at her parents. You drop everything on your table, answering your phone as you head to your room to change.

“Hello?” you say not even looking at the caller-id, turning on your bedside lamp.

“Hi min kære, how are you?”

“Hey Freddie” you put him on speaker phone to change out of your work clothes. “I’m good, got home not too long ago.”

“Another late day eh?” he asks.

“Yeah I was trying to get my project done before my holidays tomorrow” you explain.

“Finish it?” he asks as you move to the kitchen to start eating dinner.

“Almost, should only take a couple hours tomorrow.” You look to your stove and see the time 9:09 illuminated on the screen. “Fred why are you calling so late; it’s like 3am there.”

“We haven’t talked since the weekend, and you haven’t sent many texts the past couple days” he says lightly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy with work. I’ve been having late days and have basically gone straight to bed. I also didn’t want to call you so late, I know you had a golfing trip one day” you begin to explain.

“Oh I know babe, you don’t have to explain. I just thought you could use a pick me up” Fred says to you.

“Honestly I would love one. My week has been brutal and it’s only Wednesday. Can’t wait for tomorrow” you say sitting at your table. You didn’t realize how stressed you had been until you sat down and thought about the week. The angry clients and long hours have really taken a toll on you. Stopping to think about things brings a lump to your throat, as you feel your eyes begin to well up.

“(Y/N) you there?” you hear through the phone. You zoned out trying to not cry, you thought you could wait until you got off the phone with Fred to break down. You were wrong, and now you are trying to stifle your tears so Fred doesn’t hear you, but are unsuccessful.

“Skat, what’s wrong?” he asks hearing your quiet sobs through the phone.

“I don’t know” you cry into the phone. “I don’t think I realized how stressed I am, and tired. Just everything. It’s a lot.”

You move to your bed and crawl under your duvet, wrapping yourself tightly into a cocoon. Fred stays on the other end; he doesn’t say anything for a while, letting you cry in silence. After a couple minutes your eyes begin to get heavy, as your sobs have stopped.

“I wish you were here” you say lightly.

“Me too kære” he says. He stays on the line while you lay in bed, not hanging up until he hears your soft breaths through the phone.

“You should go” your boss says poking her head in your office at 3pm. “Start your weekend a couple hours earlier” she says smiling at you.

“You sure? I don’t want –“

“(Y/N) this place won’t fall apart without you, enjoy your time off.” With that your boss walks away, you shut down your computer and grab your jacket. You reach to grab your phone and see the blinking light. You unlock it to a text from Freddie.

F: Don’t forget to water my plants

Y/N: I watered them Monday…

F: That’s 3 days, you trying to kill them? ;)

You laugh at his message. Instead of responding you decide to go to his condo and send him a picture of you watering his plants. You jump in your car and head to his place. You park in the underground lot and make your way to the elevator. You walk down his hall and unlock his door when you hear music playing in the kitchen.

You don’t remember even listening to music when you were last here. Did someone break in? But who breaks in and plays music? You set your bag down and look around not noticing that anything missing or broken. You walk through the living room and hear clattering in the kitchen and panic sets in someone is in here.

If you weren’t so panicked you would have noticed the bag in the living room, and the pair of shoes by the front door. You hear footsteps in the kitchen and turn around to run and hide when you feel hands on your hips.

They spin you around and pull you in tight to their chest and wrap their arms around your back. You go to push yourself off the person when you smell the familiar cologne.

“You’re off early” he mumbles kissing your head.

“Fred?” you whisper in disbelief, looking up at the person in front of you.

Your eyes meet his golden brown eyes, and red hair. You bring your hands up and stroke his beard “what are you doing here?”

Instead of answering you he smiles and kisses you. Your hand tangles into his hair when he pulls back slightly “I missed you” he mumbles against your lips.

“I missed you too” you say smiling. Without warning you jump, Fred catches you and carries you into the kitchen setting you on the counter.

“Can’t believe you’re here” you say pulling him to you for a kiss.

“I know, I didn’t know when I was going to come back but after last night I knew I had to come see you. Hearing you cry broke my heart, but the worst part was not being able to do anything about it.” He brushes a piece of your hair behind you ear “I booked a flight right after you fell asleep.”

He leans in to place a soft kiss on your lips, you snake your hands into his hair, stroking his beard on the way. You pull him closer, locking him in for a passionate kiss. You don’t want to ever be apart from him again, and you groan slightly when Fred pulls away from you.

“I wasn’t expecting you for a little bit longer. I wanted to have dinner ready when you got here to try and salvage the life from my plants” Fred jokes looking over at his wilting plant on his table.

You laugh “yeah sorry about that. I was doing a good job at it, then work got crazy and I didn’t get over here as often as I’d like” you explain to him.

Fred kisses your neck “its fine, I didn’t expect them to be alive” he mumbles.

“Rude” you say turning your neck to allow him more access as he peppers kisses. Fred laughs before walking away from you. He walks over to the cupboard and pulls out two wine glasses and pours you each a glass.

He walks back and hands you a glass, he puts his other hand beside you on the counter.

“When did you get in?” you ask.

“About 2 hours ago” he replies kissing your cheek. “8 weeks is too long to be away from you.” You take a sip from your wine and turn your neck to allow him more access.

Fred runs a hand up your thigh, giving it a light squeeze. “We’ve gone longer than that Fred” you whisper.

“Yeah because the border was closed” he whispers kissing your collarbone.

“Wait it’s still closed, how did you get in?” you ask pulling away to look at him.

“I have a Visa to play on the Leafs, it allowed me back in. Should have come back sooner” he mumbles kissing down your neck again. His hands lift your legs; he places his hands under them pulling you closer to him.

“Why didn’t you?” you ask running your hand up and down his biceps as Fred sucks on your neck.

“I’m a stupid man” he mumbles his hands stroking up and down your thighs, nipping on your neck. You moan lightly, placing your wine glass on the counter. Fred moves his hands to the back of your thigh and hoists you up. You wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you down the hall to his bedroom.

He kicks his bedroom door open and reaches to the wall to turn on the light. He gently places you on the bed, his mouth attaches to yours as he hovers over top of you. Your hands gently rake through his beard, as his tongue swirls in your mouth. His hand slides up your shirt gently, his thumb pressing circles onto the skin of your stomach.

Fred grabs the hem of your shirt and pulls it over your head; he sits up on his knees and removes your pants from you leaving you in your underwear.

“This is nice” Fred says taking in your matching red set, his finger lightly grazes the fabric.

“It’s new” you respond “thought of you when I bought it.”

Fred grins, stroking a finger over your clothed core. He quirks an eyebrow at you when he feels the wetness that has accumulated “it’s been a while” you say smiling at him.

“Let me fix that” he says pulling your underwear down your legs. He lies on his stomach, hooking your legs over his shoulders. He stares into your glistening pussy for a minute; his beard rubs against your thighs his breath makes you quiver.

He finally attaches his tongue to you, licking up your juices. You moan at the contact, his tongue is still dancing outside your folds. He groans at the taste of you, before he pushes his tongue inside you. You throw your head back into the pillow as his tongue slips inside your walls.

He brings his hand up to your clit and begins to press circles into it, as his tongue slowly licks the inside of your walls. Your hands slide down to his shoulder and you squeeze them firmly as he keeps fucking his tongue in and out of you.

“Freddie” you moan as his tongue continues to press deep inside you.

You grip his shoulder and attempt to pull him up to you. You feel Fred chuckle against you, but he doesn’t stop, pressing his thumb harder into your clit.

“Babe” you groan pulling harder on his shirt “I need you.”

Fred pulls back slightly staring at you with eyes dark from lust “you have me smuk” he chuckles. He attaches his lips to your clit and sucks on it, a fuck falls from your lips. Your legs begin to squirm slightly at the feeling.

“Fred…Fred…Fuck…I” you can’t form a coherent thought as he slips two fingers inside you, sucking on your sensitive bud.

His fingers begin to pump in and out of you as he pulls his mouth from you and begins sucking on your hip. He alternates between sucking and biting on your hip. Your hip arches off the bed as he continues to pump his fingers inside you.

“This what you want babe” he asks bringing his other hand to your bra, massaging your breast.

You bring a hand down to his wrist and clamp it. He stops moving his wrist and looks into your eyes.

“I need you Fred, I can’t wait” you say panting. Fred grins and slips his fingers out of you, and quickly pulls his shirt over his head. You reach up and grip his neck pulling him down to you. You lock lips with him, your hand slides up and down his firm bicep. Fred slides a hand under your back and unclasps your bra, freeing your breasts.

His firm shirtless body is pressed against you; you can feel his erection straining through the fabric of his clothes. You palm over his pants lightly before sliding your hand around to his back. His mouth leaves you and slides down to your breast and begins sucking on it, he brings a hand up and starts rolling your other nipple through his fingers, pinching it slightly. Your hands slide down his back and reach his sweat pants; you begin to push them down his large thighs.

Fred pulls away and pushes his pants and boxers down his legs and onto the floor. He falls on top of you and returns his mouth to yours; you roll and push him onto his back. You straddle him and begin grinding against his hard cock, desperate to have him inside you.

You hear Fred mumble in Danish as you continue to rock your hips against him. You fall forward kissing Fred, his hand tangles into your hair locking you in a passionate kiss. You reach over to the side table and pull a condom out.

You pull back and tear the foil, sliding it onto his hard member. You give him a few strokes before you rise up and line him up with your entrance. Fred brings his hands to your hips; you slowly start to drop down on him.

“Fuck” you mumble at the feeling of Fred inside of you, your hand goes onto his abs and you brace yourself. Fred is longer than any man you have been with, you had started to get used to his size but then he left to go to Denmark. You know Fred will hit areas nobody has ever hit before, but you just need to adjust.

“You okay smuk?” Fred asks looking up at you.

You keep dropping yourself down on him “yeah” you whine “just been a bit.”

He chuckles pulling your head down to his. You moan at the change of angle before Fred kisses you lightly.

“Don’t worry, take your time. I’m going to get you used to it soon” he smirks kissing you.

You haven’t taken all of him but you rise up and drop down on him. You moan into the kiss, Fred’s hand holding you to him, his other hand rests on your hip. You pull away from the kiss, Fred sucks on your bottom lip as you rise up and drop back down. Fred bottoms out in you, your ass hits against his thighs as you thrust on him.

“Ahh” you moan feeling him hit the deep spot inside you. Fred is still under you allowing you time to set the pace and get comfortable with him. You continue slowly thrusting on him, pushing yourself up. Your hand returns to his abs as you increase the pace.

Fred snaps his hips and pushes in you, as you drop onto him. His hands are on your hip, gripping you tightly as he helps guide you, keeping the slow pace. Your head falls back as you thrust on him; Fred slowly increases the pace under you.

You push into his stomach as your pace increases, rocking your hips against him. You bounce on top of Fred, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease. He brings a hand up to your breast, cupping it as you ride him. He rolls your nipple through his fingers, as your nails dig into his firm stomach muscles. Your hand slides down his treasure line, pressing hard into his groin as you feel your high approaching.

“You gonna cum baby?” Fred asks noticing you are chasing your high. He squeezes your breast hard, pinching your nipple in the process. You hum in response unable to form words. Fred releases your breast and slides his hand down to your clit to press circles into it.

“Yeah, cum on me baby. I want to feel you, feel you’re cum drip down me” he says pressing harder into your sensitive bud. His hips snap and the pace is fast, you are a mess on top of him. Sweat is dripping down Fred’s stomach; you can feel it under your hand.

“Fuck Fred” you scream out, your orgasm is close. With every thrust Fred his your g-spot, your skin flapping has filled the room, followed by occasional curse words. You notice Fred becoming erratic under you as you continue bouncing on him.

Your orgasm crashes over you, the most intense one you have had in a while. You clench around him, your walls tighten, and you feel it in your stomach. Your eyes roll back into your head as Fred continues to thrust inside of you. Your juices dripping down his cock.

He strains to keep going, allowing you to finish your orgasm. As you finally come around you feel Fred still under you. You collapse onto his chest, his arms wrap around you. You lie on him, both your breaths slowly return to normal.

A couple minutes later Fred rolls to be on top of you, he kisses you briefly before heading to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. He pulls on his boxers and throws a t-shirt to you. You smile and pull it over your head; Fred climbs into bed and pulls you into his arms.

“I was going to make you dinner, but I think I’m too tired now” Fred jokes, stroking up and down your arm. “You okay with ordering in?”

You look up and into his golden brown eyes “sounds perfect” you respond. Fred leans down and kisses you, wrapping you tightly into his arms.

“So you should spend your long weekend here with me” Fred mumbles against your lips.

You smile and stroke his beard “I don’t plan on leaving; I want to spend as much time with you as possible. When are you heading back to Denmark?” you ask lightly, not really wanting to know the answer.

“I’m not” Fred replies. You look directly into his eyes “not unless you come with me” he says lightly kissing you again.

#Freddie Andersen #fred andersen #frederik andersen fic #frederik andersen smut #freddie andersen smut #freddie andersen fic #fred andersen smut #Fred Andersen Fic #toronto maple leafs #Frederik Andersen #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs smut #nhl fic #nhl snut #carolina hurricanes

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yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy · 3 years ago

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Adderall

So, a week and a half ago I FINALLY got my adult ADHD diagnosis and I finally got on Adderall. What is to follow is personal and only read if your interested, otherwise, have a nice day.

(I got diagnosed with a bunch of other scary shit but I been knew all of it and it tracks for the trauma I’ve been through so I wasn’t surprised)

Anyway, so my psychiatrist has me on a small 5 mg a day dose that I take in the morning.

So before Adderall, here was my day-

Wake up at 8, get my daughter to school by 8:20-8:30, come home and have a 50/50 chance of going back to sleep till 11 or noon or sit on the couch in a daze/heavy mental fog until about noon or 1pm. By 3, I realize I have half an hour before my kid get’s home from school and shit, I need to do something with my day before my husband harps on me for being a lazy slob sitting on my ass on the couch all day and doing jack squat (hello executive dysfunction) and by 4, my daughter is off the bus, I gotta get something ready for dinner, eat between 5:30-7 AND THEN my brain wakes up. At 8pm my mental fog clears, I have energy, I can write coherantly and can do things and I’ve gained momentum.

Problem was- I have to go to sleep by 9-10pm so I can wake up at 8 the next morning.

My natural circadian rhythm is being awake from noon to 3-4am and then sleep the rest of the time. and my “Sweet spot” for getting stuff done, house chores, writing, all of that happens between 10pm-3am. Which is impossible for me to achieve and still be a “normal functional adult”.

So in order to “function” on my husband’s and my daughter’s life schedule I have to be very, very heavily medicated to go to sleep just as my brain is waking up and building up steam and momentum. So much so that if I am not in bed by the time my meds hit, I will pass out wherever I am. And I take doses that would put any other person into a coma for at least three days, but I take it on a nightly basis and it STILL takes an hour to an hour and a half to finally succumb to the sleep. (if anyone wants to know exactly what I take and in what doses, let me know)

So now that I’ve been on Adderall for a week- here how it has drastically changed my life.

Wake up at 8, take Adderall by 8:15, I fully wake up but 8:30-8:35 and I’m alert and the fog clears by 8:50 and by 9am, I’m doing house chores and writing and getting shit done and getting things taken care of and it’s great, a process that normally takes most of my day is now shortened down to barely an hour, 45 minutes.

Here’s where it sucks.

Adderall, for me, wears off at 3pm. Normally when I would be “waking up” my brain is wearing down and shutting down and by 4 I am STRUGGLING. just trying to make dinner and trying to jump start my system and trying to recapture that momentum.

By 6-7pm I get very aggrivated and very frustrated with myself because there’s still more shit I want to do but the go juice is empty and I can not make myself do much of anything. I try to focus on something that usually soothes me- like knitting or crocheting or writing or refilling my many fountain pens. Nope- all those tasks that once brought me joy, get on my nerves, make me frustrated and aggrivated because I can’t fucking FOCUS ON JACK SHIT.

And by 8, my brain and my body are BEGGING, and I mean BEGGING, PLEADING, throwing a tantrum to go to sleep. I went to bed at 7:30pm because I was especially tired and very cranky bitchy the other night and was out by 8:15 and woke up at 8 feeling great and then proceeded to have a very nice rest of my day.

I did not expect myself to get so ANGRY when the Adderall wears off.

Is this normal? Is the anger part normal for anyone else? Like I’m partially afraid that if I tell my psychiatrist that I get HANGRY but without the hunger part when it wears off, she’ll pull me off of it completely and I don’t want that. I went through hell just getting this diagnosis and it’s helping but not enough. I’m supposed to meet with her again in a month. We’ll see how it goes from there.

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moonlilith · 4 years ago

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Ex-Almost

↬ Pairing: one sided oiiwa/iwaoi + implied atsuiwa

↬ Timeline: timeskip | pre-olympic

↬ Genre: Angst ☔️

↬ Wordcount: 1,751

↬ AN: SPOILERS of Haikyuu since it’s timeskip. I listened to Heather, Lookalike by Conan Gray & Lose by Niki while writing this. Also a repost since when i wanted to edit it, this app decides to swoosh it away and all the writings were gone

↬ check out my other works here

“No, we didn’t date. Technically he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost.”

If people were to ask him how to describe himself, he would say; Oikawa Tooru is a man of dignity but with anxiety, he was confident but still has insecurities. He desperately needs his anchor; Iwaizumi Hajime and he had always believed that Iwa wouldn’t let him sink further.

For him, Iwa has always been there even before he had born and he certainly didn’t know a world where Iwa doesn’t exist, because he had assumed that Iwa being born earlier had always been waiting for him.

He was too dependent on his anchor, to think that Hajime and Tooru were eternal until it wasn’t. The text from the Seijoh’s VBC 3rd year popped up in his head, making his serve swerve off out of court. “Sorry!” He looked towards his teammates with a smile that covers his true self.

“I have a boyfriend.” Was what Iwa had said causing a ruckus in the group chat. Iwa texted it at exactly 3pm in Japan but for Oikawa it was 3am. And it had kept him awake ever since. Iwa had only told them since they’re all were planning to meet up for winter break and all Oikawa could think off was that Iwa’s boyfriend will be there.

His right knee just hurts a little more than usual today. The throbbing pain must have been evident since his teammates kept whispering. He felt sorry that he had worried them. The sound of the ball from his served was enough to cut his ringing thoughts. “Stay safe for winter break.” He cheered with his team but as soon as they leave, he plumped himself on the floor.

“Tooru, we’re going for a drink, want to join?” His team manager, Nicolas look at his face concern laced all over, his shadow towering his figure. Nicholas has been so kind to him. He knows about Oikawa’s injuries and he always reminded him not to push himself. Just like Iwa did. He bitterly recalled. “Sorry Nich, I’m going back to Japan tonight. We’ll get the drinks when I get back.” He pat Nicholas on his head and head towards the showers.

Oikawa slammed the door shut behind himself and walked across the room. His cheeks flamed, and his hands were fisted so tightly his fingernails cut into his palms. He twists the shower knob as he let the cold water washed away his frustration. “I’m fine.” He said trying to convince himself. Every time he closes his eyes; all he could think of Iwa in someone else’s comfort. He cursed himself for being too late.

The first day back at Miyagi was spent with him sleeping all day to the jet lagged. It wasn’t until that night when his mother told him that Iwaizumi had also come home for winter break. Oikawa was hesitant for the first time. If he were back in his high school days, he would straight up and ran towards his house without warning but now everything’s different.

He still decided to visit Iwaizumi’s household the next day to bring the souvenirs. Even if Iwa wasn’t home—which what he had hope honestly since he was afraid of being alone with Iwa would make him spill or worst loss his composure, he needed to visit Iwa’s mother. She did also take care of him alot and Oikawa regards her as his mother too.

He stood at their doorway, taking a deep breath before someone too familiar call out to him. His husky voice that was filled with shock. “Oikawa?” Oikawa turns to look at his ‘friend’ laced with someone else. “Ah, Iwa-chan…” he tried. He really did try to make it seem like everything was fine when he was on the verge of breaking down. His right knee starts to hurt again. And he had to muster up the strength and urge to complain towards Iwa.

“Ah, Haji-chan is this your Kusokawa?” The man chuckles a laughter when Iwa lightly scold him and hit his chest. “I’m Miya Atsumu, MSBY Black Jackals Setter, Iwa’s boyfriend.” Oikawa didn’t want to introduce himself. What should he say, “I’m Oikawa Tooru, Iwa’s childhood friend?” If he said that, it means that he had accepted the role that was given to him and he—he didn’t want that. He settled with just his name, “Oikawa Tooru.”

“Ah, this is as if two of my boys are coming back home, huh Tooru.” His mother smiled at him. Oikawa returned the smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Iwaizumi would know. His eyes can’t help but glance at Atsumu to see his reaction, but he was busy containing his laughter over something that Iwa had whispered to him.

He already was considered as family in Iwaizumi’s household but the sight in front of him already told him, he had lost. It doesn’t matter if their family, thinks you’re a family. Not when the person doesn’t feel the same. If it was the stupid him, he would have rubbed this fact all over Atsumu’s face. But he knew better, Oikawa was just a family and Atsumu was a lover to Iwa.

It must have been accidental, and Oikawa didn’t mean to pry. Heck, he wished he hadn’t seen Iwa kissing another man. The guy Atsumu was like a mirror of him. At least there were some aspects that Oikawa could see but would not acknowledge their similarities. What’s the point when of being a lookalike when Iwa didn’t chooses him? Fortunately, he wasn’t the only one thinking that when Matsukawa and Hanamaki had forced him to go out drinking.

Hanamaki’s words kept circling in his head and he cursed for the comfort he found when it’s useless. “Isn’t that Miya Atsumu kind of like your lookalike Oikawa?” Makki was drunk with how he slurs his words and the glare that Mattsun gave him was enough to know that two of his friends were avoiding the topic of anything related to the said man.

All of them decided to visit Seijoh. At least to recall some memories was what Makki suggested. All five of them including Atsumu were walking together under the bright winter sky. They passed the playground that was a fond memory for Oikawa but when he looked towards Iwa, he didn’t share the same looked and continue ahead to visit their school.

The playground where they stop after their loss to Karasuno and his knees start throbbing more than usual. Iwa stopped him as they sat under the tree. Iwaizumi was on his knees, leaving a soft trail of kisses on his knees and eventually went up, kissing him when it looked like Oikawa was going to cry again whether for the loss or for the pain.

“Oikawa?” Mattsun stopped in his tracks when he noticed that Oikawa was touching his knees. “Oh? I’m fine Mattsun. Let’s go, those kids must be excited to see the Grand King Oikawa-senpai.” He hated himself for acting. And yet he hated that the only things he had of Iwa was his memories. The memories that was fond only to him and nothing to Iwa.

Winter break ended and they were back to their usual. Oikawa felt homesick after he came back. He felt homesick, whether there was a person in his arms or if he were in theirs. But how could he feel homesick when the person he calls home is no longer his? It never had been his to start with. He had to swallow the bitter tears. Nicholas came with drinks and it always ended the same way. With him in Oikawa’s arms.

Oikawa didn’t know what he tried to prove. Was it to himself? Or was it in hopes that Iwa knew and somehow would feel the same bitterness he felt whenever he thinks of him with Atsumu. “God, I’m so stupid.” He muttered under his breath. He knew he needed to accept the fact that Iwaizumi isn’t thinking about him at all. Not when Atsumu is there with him. As much as he hated to admit it, Iwa and him is nothing but he still couldn’t.

He felt physically sick, the feeling of trying to puke all his guts out were strong in his mind as he returned Nicholas’s kiss. He felt guilty. It was like a battle of himself, where one told him to stay loyal to the unrequited love of his and the devilishly one told him he shouldn’t ever need to feel alone when Iwa is in the comfort of someone’s else arms. Why should he feel the cold winter when Iwa was feeling the warm summer?

In a split second, their clothes were off, and all Oikawa could think about was Iwa. Did Iwa ever feel lonely while he was a world away? Did Iwa seek comfort from Atsumu? Why did their memories kissing inadvertently on the playground near their home, that cold winter night became a bitter memory now? “I can’t Nich…” He softly pushed Nicholas that was straddled on his lap.

Nicholas nodded understanding, his hand grabbed Oikawa’s cheeks “Who was he to you, Tooru?” Who was Iwa to him? Childhood friend would be the easiest response. But Iwa was more than that. More than an irreplaceable partner to him. “Lover?” Nicholas noticed the sudden tears that left his pretty eyes. “No, we didn’t date. Technically he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost.”

His tears kept falling and he disgusted himself. Not only did he think about Iwa when he was with another man but now, he’s crying over it for the first time too. His mind recalled his teacher saying that ‘almost’ was the saddest word— before he didn’t exactly understand the meaning but now everything makes sense. Iwaizumi Hajime was his almost.

“Shush…” He felt the lips that settles on his tear stains cheek, the sweet voice that’s a contrast to Iwa’s huskier ones telling him that Oikawa wasn’t alone and to cry his heart out. Nicholas kissed his tears away and all Oikawa could think was that he lied. He lied to everyone. He wasn’t fine. Broken cries, incoherent sobs, accompanied by the sick feeling in his stomach and it didn’t help that his knees hurt a lot. His knees hurt even more today, and Oikawa isn’t sure whether it was just his knee or whether it was his entire body crying for his heartbreak.

↬ oikawa is my comfort character but why do i love to make him sad??

↬ also was inspired between a talk about me and irl about how atsumu kinda have almost the same personality as oikawa and what if things?

↬ the names things are heavily inspired by gusari’s dj

↬ when hajime & tooru names are combines it forms 徹" meaning "obstinate" or "dauntless"

↬ tooru means ‘to pierce through’ & ‘to see through until the end’ and hajime means ‘beginning’ so when the end and the beginning comes together, they become eternal ( I recommend u to read gunjou no shashin for more context)

↬ should i do a part 2 with iwa’s pov?

#haikyuucreations #haikyuu angst #haikyuu iwaizumi #hq oikawa #haikyuu imagines #hq iwaizumi #hq atsumu #hq iwaoi #hq oiiwa #haikyuu #hq atsuiwa #atsuiwa #iwaoi #oiiwa #haikyuu writings #haikyuu oikawa #haikyuu atsumu

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neptunium134 · 4 years ago

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Tagged by @hecticwinter, thanks hun!

bold/colour the writing habits that you relate to

(…. a very chaotic edition by Mo)

I write: daily | most days | a few times a week | a few times a month | random (it depends on when I have inspiration, but I try to write a couple of times a month)

I tend to write scenes: in chronological order with no skipping | mostly in order but with some filler/skipping (I try to stay in order cuz it's easier for me, but if I have an idea for something later down the line, it gets written, and sometimes I go back and fill in parts) | whatever scene I feel like | who knows what’s gonna come out?

When I take a break from writing, it usually lasts: a few days | a few weeks | a few months | it’s kind of random (it really varies)

My favourite thing to do when I’m on a writing break is: recharge with other creative hobbies | read/consume other media (a lot!) | do something physical | catch up with old friends | work on my WIP in other ways like with playlists or art (I can't draw, but that doesn't mean I can't get ideas) | other

I'll tag @midsomer4life, @bwoahtastic, @kyoukai-kanata and @jxmieswxnter. If you want to, of course

#tagged

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himbowelsh · 5 years ago

Note

Valentines alphabet with Talbert or Nixon please!

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Tab is a cuddler. He likes to be close to people, to by physically intimate with them in a way that goes beyond sharing a space --- this boy runs on touch, and isn’t shy about it. He enjoys being touched, having his back clapped or his arm squeezed, as much as he enjoys giving it. In a romantic relationship, this goes beyond casual touches; Tab just likes having his partner near him, being able to pull them close and simply hold them, his chin on the crown of their head while they shift and breathe against him. He’s not very tactile with casual acquaintances, so if Tab touches someone frequently, it means he cares for them.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He has a special fondness for wildflowers, but you’re not gonna find those in any florist’s shop. When he’s in a sentimental mood, he might go out and pick a few to put into a bouquet... but Tab’s favorite way of appreciating the flowers is to bring his partner out to a field, where they can soak in their natural beauty.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s not a big fan. Anything with nuts in it, he’ll eat gladly. Nutella is one of his favorite things in the world.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Let’s go on a hike! Tab feels most at ease in nature, so he’d love to go on an afternoon hike up a familiar trail with a partner, chatting quietly until they reach his favorite ridge --- where they can watch the sun set over the horizon. He’s not unfamiliar with hiking in the dark, so he’d be comfortable heading back down... but if his partner prefers it, they can camp out for the night. Huddling in a tent with them in his arms, just talking softly and enjoying the quiet... hell, he’d love that.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Once again --- he thrives on touch! He loves touch! His hugs are warm and affectionate, like a warm drink on a rainy day. Usually he’s on his best behavior, too... usually.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh, he’s an inconsummate flirt, and doesn’t even try to hide it. It’s like a reflex at this point. He’s drawn to pretty ladies like magnets, and they’re drawn to him right back. He’ll wink, he’ll tease, he’ll find excuses to get closer... usually, girls eat out of the palm of his hand. He’s not used to being rejected --- on the rare occasions it does happen, he goes a little shell-shocked, and has to sit in a corner to recoup for a few minutes.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Well, he definitely tries! Points for effort, at least, but Tab is a notorious regifter. If he doesn’t like something, he’ll store it away for a rainy day, and rocks up to Popeye’s birthday party with the poncho Auntie Marge gave him last Christmas. He tries to be smooth, but, like... buddy, everybody knows.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He’ll give the rest of him way quicker; Tab’s had plenty of affairs without much emotional intimacy involved, and frankly, he prefers it that way. Real relationships are daunting. Much as he wants one, the idea still scares him a bit. Tab has to be sure of himself before trusting his heart to someone else... and equally sure that they won’t break it.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Tab has a dozen ways to say ‘I love you’ that don’t involve words at all. He’ll kiss, he’ll caress, he’ll tease, he’ll do the dishes and put them away without a second thought... honestly, actions speak louder than words with him. While he’ll say it after a while, his partner won’t be surprised --- because he’s already told them a hundred times before.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

It depends on how serious the relationship is, and how serious the situation. Tab’s not an overly-suspicious guy, and he’s not about to make something over nothing... but if his partner’s suddenly spending all their time with someone else, talking about them constantly, or if another person seems to be moving in on them, Tab won’t be pleased. He’s the sort of person to say so outright, believing the situation can best be resolved if everyone’s on the same page.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Do you even have to ask? He’s an astoundingly good kisser; not only does he know how to use his tongue, he recognizes the tentative dynamics of kissing, like a balanced scale which so easily tips one way or the other, and has learned to manipulate it. Not too much touch, just enough to leave his partner hungry for more... not too much tongue, otherwise it gets gross... let his teeth graze their lower lip just enough to make them moan, run a hand along the back of their neck just lightly enough so they shiver. Kissing’s a skill, just like playing the piano or learning to cook. Tab’s... had a lot of practice.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

Tab’s a funny sort of extrovert: he can thrive in a room full of people easily, enjoying the company of his friends and the opportunities to make new ones... but he never feels more at peace than when he’s outside, in nature and quiet. Honestly, Tab adores his family, adores his friends, adores animals, and would adore any partner he had... but nature will always have a special place in his heart. (Nature, and Captain Winters. Always.)

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Look, Tab can work with any hour of the day. He’s not picky. 3pm? 3am? He’s ready to go. Maybe he’s half-asleep, but he’s ready.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

If the human body were a piano, Tab’s Ludwig von Freakin’ Beethoven. Knows exactly what he’s doing with his hands at all times. Tab can work wonders with those hands; it’s hard for his partner to keep track of exactly where they are or what they’re doing, only that they need to be doing more of it. He can be quite sparing with touch during the act, preferring to make his embraces count. Knows all the best places to stimulate; the gasps and moans of his partner only urge him on, encouraging him to work harder at pleasing them. Can grind like nobody’s business, and is shockingly flexible; has tried most positions at least once, and will try them again. When it comes to kinks, he’s actually a bit shy about trying anything too extreme... but if his partner pitches it right, he’ll usually be willing to try. Not to mention the mouth --- Tab has a magic mouth, and puts it to work exactly as God intended.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

Not really. He tries, god help him --- he’s even tried his hand at writing poetry, not that he’s ever let anyone read it, because he knows how bad it is... but Tab is quite plainspoken. He says what he’s thinking. That said, he’s got a talent for making the bluntest compliments sound romantic when he tries.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone adventurous. Tab needs someone who’s willing to try new things, who can keep him on his toes at times. He wants someone he can laugh with, someone he can dance around the kitchen with... but also someone who appreciates the quiet beauty life has to offer. If they like being outside? All the better. They have to love animals, that’s non-negotiable. (Hopefully a dog person?) A great laugh, self-confidence... and a bit of passion.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Look, he’ll absolutely do it. If he gets to the point where they’re both ready --- preferably after they’ve had a long conversation about it beforehand --- Tab will plan a cozy proposal outside, pick out a ring, find a serene spot and... go for it. But if his partner did it first, it would be a massive weight off his shoulders, and he’d honestly be relieved.

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a romantic streak so big that it chokes him sometimes. Really, he just wants to share all the things he loves with someone who can find as much joy in it as him... and he wants to get to know their world and everything they care about. He craves a deep connection with someone, beyond the physical intimacy of sex, but the idea intimidates him at the same time. Tab would absolutely spoil his partner with romantic surprises and gifts, just because he wants to make them feel appreciated and get to know them better. He wants to understand what kind of romance they want.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He had his first kiss under a jungle gym when he was four. You do the math.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

He... wants to. Very much. Isn’t sure he’s ever seen it before, and doubts it’s for everyone --- he’s kind of convinced it’ll never happen to him --- but it’s got to be real for some people.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

He had a girlfriend in high school that he was crazy for, even hoped to marry one day. Little Floyd was popular with the girls, but he grew into an awkward phase that lasted throughout middle and most of high school; but Maryetta Stevens was the sweetest gal he’d ever known, and never judged him for his acne or his bitten nails. He was genuinely head-over-heels for her... but she was stolen away by the marching band captain, and that was the end of that. It took him months to recover.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He’s got a dozen things he’d prefer to be doing, but everybody wants to go on a date on Valentine’s day. If fighting their way through a crowded restaurant just to get a cozy table by the window is what his partner wants to do, Tab’s game for it.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

It’s something he’s given a lot of thought to --- and, while he’s not against it, it would definitely have to be with the right person. Tab’s not going to make that commitment until he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone; it’s not something he takes lightly.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Not for his friends in general, but he’s got nicknames for all his siblings, would come up with great ones for his own kids... and a few sweet, intimate ones he uses exclusively for his partner. Those only come out when he’s in a gushy mood.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

... yeah. Abso-freaking-lutely. And he’s not gonna apologize for it either. If someone’s threatening someone he cares about, Tab’s not gonna hesitate to step in, and he’ll take whatever approach is necessary --- a suggestive word, or a firm fist. Tab doesn’t mess around when it comes to protecting the people he loves.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

He’s... he’s... he’s Tab, is the thing. He’s just... talented. A gift like that doesn’t come without a lot of people eager to unwrap the package. The boy... definitely gets around.

#floydtab #lowkey this is such a fun character development game too #floyd talbert #band of brothers #headcanons

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daesungfmd · 4 years ago

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hwang daesung / the enthusiast!

the esfp is often the life of the party, entertaining and engaging others with humor and enthusiasm. they notice whether other people are having fun and do their best to create a good time for all. esfps are generally friendly and likable, but can be hard to get close to; although they tend to be very open, they are reluctant to be serious or to talk about anything negative. they live in the moment, which can upset other people who feel that the esfp’s life should be more organized. the reality is that the esfp is confident in their ability to go with the flow and get themselves out of any potential trouble they might get themselves into. the esfp also likes to push their limits to see just how much they can get away with. the esfp feels that it’s easier to apologize than it is to get permission, and because of their curious nature, they are constantly apologizing for their actions. luckily, they have enough charm to keep most people from being mad at them for very long. (truity.com, personalitygrowth.com)

aesthetic 1 & headcanon 2.

it took a hot minute for daesung to fully grow into his personality because his surroundings earlier on in life kept him from reaching his full potential, but once he finally settled and got comfortable........ Oh, Man.

once he realized just how good it feels to make others laugh, he was always trying to crack some witty joke or put on a show to amuse a crowd, even if the amusement came at his own expense.

but he’s a pretty sensitive guy, so there were definitely times when he got his feelings hurt because he was made into a joke rather than making jokes and........ that wasn’t so fun, but overall, he liked the aspect of entertaining better than performing or any other part of being an idol. hence why it was impossible to get him to shut tf up on variety shows, built up a bit of a reputation for being a blabbermouth, attention-seeker, having no manners, etc but it was (mostly) excused because he was young, fresh and excitable.

the characteristic mischief of an esfp was always kind of there, even as a child, but reached its strongest form once impulse debuted and daesung was constantly searching for a way to bend the rules / step over the boundaries set by managers. learned to be sneaky and always!!!! have an excuse prepared in case he got caught.

obv his respect for his members and fans outweighs his curiosity/blind trust that things will turn out okay because....... if it weren’t for them, he definitely would’ve gotten into a big scandal by now.

the mischief also took a lighter form of irritating the ever-living hell out of his groupmates and close friends for fun when he was a little younger. had a lot of energy to spare, of course he used it in the wrong ways and probably came Very close to making some people hate him fdhvbhdjsf but he’s a charmer! tends to push his luck until it breaks and then get to repairing it immediately. knows when to stop, but like...... barely.

flights / long drives with him were definitely absolute hell in the first few years. sorry to the impulse members who had to either listen to him talk for Hours or wear headphones to shut him out. man’s got a lot to say!

also used to argue for fun, but would back down if it got too serious/heated and be like “damn my bad i didn’t mean it like that </3″

it doesn’t take much to make daesung happy. he looks for the bright side, finds little pieces of happiness in the most mundane things. sees a cloud that looks like a dog or something?...... damn, his day is made!

so he kind of ~seems~ high maintenance at times but i promise he isn’t.

super curious about the world around him, likes to meet new people and experience new things. he was a ~little~ more strict with himself when he lived with impulse, but now that he lives alone, he rarely spends his free time at home. likes to do extensive research on new attractions/seasonal events/lesser known corners of seoul/etc so he’s always got something planned for off-days.

if he can’t find anything fun to do on his own, then he’ll just call up someone in his extensive social circle to hang out for a while. ofc there are days when he prefers to be alone/at home, but they’re...... very rare. he requires a lot of day-to-day excitement and social interaction.

speaking of his social circle..... he has really good social skills most of the time, can usually read a room and figure out what is or isn’t appropriate. he will always be the guy who’s trying to crack a joke, but he knows when he needs to contain his energy / knows when someone’s comfortable enough with him for him to just let it out. doesn’t have a lot of enemies because he never goes looking for trouble, per se. one of his biggest priorities in life is making friends, so it reflects in how he treats people. now that he’s a little older, his energy is a bit different from what it used to be, anyway. can appreciate a chill night in way better than he could years ago.

avoided direct conflict very hard when he was a trainee/rookie. it was impossible to trick him into shit-talking anyone else, took more than his fair share of scoldings from managers/trainers/etc because he had no backbone. bold enough to do things he wasn’t supposed to do, not quite bold enough to defend himself. doormat. he’s become a lot better about speaking up in the past few years, but sometimes he takes it too far???? once he’s pushed too hard, he tends to Blow Up and hurt feelings. doesn’t necessarily mean yelling, though; he’s really, really good at appearing calm while saying everything he’s been bottling up and aiming to hurt.

most of the time, though, he still prefers to avoid conflict. will say/do whatever he has to to get out of the situation and then will move on immediately.

has always been social, but no matter how well you think you know him, chances are you’ve only seen the surface. stems from that desire to stay light-hearted and avoid more serious conversations. he’s good with listening to and dealing with other peoples’ problems, and in some ways, he’s good at dealing with his own problems, but..... he has a tendency to make things harder for himself by never admitting when he’s going through a tough time / carrying all the weight and dealing with it himself. doesn’t want to give anyone any reasons to think he isn’t always optimistic/happy.

even though everyone clearly has bad days????? but he is who he is. head empty.

so he typically only shares the sides of himself that he views as good/desirable and shoves everything else into a locked safe. doesn’t mean that what you see is fake, because it definitely isn’t, just means that there’s a whoooole lot more to daesung than people think there is.

at the same time, it isn’t that hard to unlock the metaphorical safe. especially nowadays, he’s becoming more comfortable with the fact that he’s human. he’s happy to share more of himself if he thinks he’s sharing it with someone who actually cares, but he rarely finds people who he thinks would want to know him in his entirety because let’s be real....... there are a few sides of him that are a bit yucky.

including a bitter side that holds onto grudges for literal decades and a lazy side of him that leeches off of everyone around him, but if you’re only seeing it at a surface level, his gratitude and happiness dull the edges <3333 of course i’ll let you buy this for me/cook for me/run my errands/whatever else <3333 why not omg <3333 wow i really owe you one <3333 (meanwhile hardly anyone ever gets anything from him in return Other than that gratitude lmao)

kinda skates by on handouts tbh? like....... he lives alone, yeah, but he feels like he could not function on his own. this is also subconsciously a small part of the reason why he’s so social. makes sure he’s always meeting new people and keeping them interested so that he never finds himself alone / “helpless”. tends to gravitate towards people who have something to offer him.

but he ~can~ function on his own, he just doesn’t want to. likes to be reminded that people care about him, which is why he’s constantly either making new friends, hanging out with friends he already has or sweet-talking someone into doing something for him. just makes him feel....... better about himself / more secure.

to be fair!!! it’s not like daesung takes and takes and takes and is a shitty friend in return. he cares about people so, so much, especially his friends. whether you’ve known him for ten days or ten years, he’s a great person to have in your corner. his optimism, for one, is something that he’ll gladly share --- if you need reassurance that you’re doing the right thing or a reminder that good things are in your future, there’s no better person to turn to. he’s a good listener (most of the time) and his shoulders are always available to lean on, no questions asked. not the type to leave you hanging for any reason; whether you call him at 3pm on a saturday or 3am on a tuesday, he’ll make time for you.

#𝐃𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆. aesthetic.#𝐃𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆. headcanon.#ik what you're all thinking.......#peyton why don't you write with people instead of dropping more character development stuff #and i AGREE!!!#now that i've finished this i'm gonna be replying to my dms

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runningracingdancingchasing · 4 years ago

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would it annoy you if i said 'ALL the numbers'? shkshf

You caught me bored, Charlie. (And no one else has asked me any.) XD Here we go!

30 Character Questions!

1. When they tap their fingers do they use the pads of their fingers or their nails? Rapunzel uses her nails. She likes the sound, and sometimes it turns into impromptu percussion experiments.

2. What textures can they absolutely not stand? I don’t know if she’s ever come across a texture she absolutely can’t stand, but there are some textures that are Wrong(tm) in certain contexts. Like walking through something slimy, or putting it on your skin? That’s fine. Eating slime and only slime is another matter.

3. How long can they go without showering before they feel gross? Well obviously, this depends upon what she’s been doing (and is verse-dependent), but if it’s an average day where she hasn’t really been sweating, she can go two days without bathing, then bath on the third. When her hair is short, she washes it with every shower, but when it’s supernaturally long, she washes it twice a month, and uses oil-absorbing powders that she can brush out to keep it mostly clean in the meantime. (In a modern AU where she’s got naturally long hair, she washes it with every shower.) Though she tends to shower less when she’s depressed and not be aware of how gross she’s starting to feel.

4. Do they leave clothes on the floor or a chair? Neither. Dirty clothes go in a hamper (or get sent to the laundry in canon-verse) and clean clothes get put away. The only time you’re likely to find a lot of clothes strung about her room is either when they’re newly made and on display, or if she’s been trying a lot of things on, rapid-fire. (Or, you know, when they’ve been taken off - usually along with someone else’s clothes - and hastily thrown about because she has much more pressing things on her mind.)

5. Do they sleep with the bedroom door open or closed? Closed. The only thing that will prevent her from sleeping with a closed door is not having a door to close.

6. Which do they prefer: 3am or 3pm? 3 PM. She might be both a morning person and an evening person, but 3 AM is the middle of the night. Even when she’s up at that hour, she’s aware that it’s a strange hour to be awake. Still, the world tends to be peaceful and quiet at 3 AM, and if she is awake, she tries to appreciate it.

7. If they suddenly woke up with animal ears and tails what animal would they be? I often liken Rapunzel to an excited puppy, so probably doggie ears and tail.

8. If they could only eat one thing for 20 days straight what would it be? I’m going to assume you mean a freshly-made whatever-it-is, and not made once then have leftovers for 20 days, in which case the answer is: A salad, but the kind with a meat protein in it, and cheese and maybe seeds. An interesting salad, that’s not only good for you, but satisfying. Like steak and strawberry salad. It’s not that it’s her favorite food, but she knows it would be both tasty and healthy and she wouldn’t feel like crap at the end of the 20 days.

9. Are they the type to re-read a book? :looks at the camera like she’s on The Office:

10. Would they want to know the exact date and time of their death? Nah. I don’t think she’d mind knowing if it just... came up somehow, but she wouldn’t seek it out, or ask for it if it was offered. She enjoys not knowing what’s going to happen. (And if she did find out, she might get a little obsessive about it for a while.)

11. What’s their favourite mythological creature? While she doesn’t have a single specific one (she has a lot of trouble picking favorite anythings), she does feel something of a kinship to phoenixes.

12. If they had to listen to one song on repeat 100+ times what would it be? Ooooh, just one song? I think that might drive her nuts before too long. XD But at least she’d get to choose. So she’d probably pick something that reminds her favorably of someone she loves, maybe something with a little bounce to it, interesting tune and instrumentation. Hmm... Then again, she might go with something soothing that’s easy to tune out, so it wouldn’t bother her so much.

13. Do they believe in an afterlife? She does. In canon-verse, she believes that people come back as sunlight, and that every time you’re particularly aware of the sensation of sunlight on your skin, it’s someone you love and lost coming to see how you are.

14. When they get tired do their eyelids twitch? That happens when you’re tired?! I thought that was just like...a stress thing! Anyway, no.

15. What are their favourite textures? Oh, she loves all kinds of textures. She loves silkiness and fur rubbed against her skin, the squish of silt between her toes, stubbly hair (someone else’s) rubbing on her stomach and inner thighs, the texture of a breeze that’s only a few degrees different from the ambient air brushing by, soft strands of hair sliding through her fingers, reptile skin (on a living reptile, thanks), the tickle of feathers, the firm pliability of clay... The list goes on.

16. Do they crack their joints? She’s not, like, a knuckle-popper, but she does delight in her joints popping when she stretches.

17. Would they eat/drink something too hot or wait for it to cool? She’d try it when it was too hot, blow on it, and suffer the consequences. Then she’d either try it gain before it had cooled enough, or wait until it was cooler than she likes before trying again.

18. Are they the type to adopt strays? (Animals or people) :looks at the camera again: It’s like... her biggest hobby that she doesn’t realize is a hobby.

19. Do they get work done straight away or wait until the last moment? Straight away. She likes getting tasks done, and also likes the leisure that comes once they are.

20. How do they bathe/shower? Long or short? Hot or cold? A time for everything. Current weather is a big factor, as is how she’s been feeling. They’re almost always average-to-long, but bath or shower, cold or hot, all really depends on her mood.

21. Are they the type to daydream? Absolutely. And she doodles while she does it. Or daydreams while she doodles.

22. Do they work best in a messy space or a neat space? Both? I mean, it almost always starts neat, gets messy, then gets neat again when she’s done with what she’s doing. She might not clean up until everything she’s working on is done, though.

23. Do they keep any personal photos? Certainly! In modern AUs, she’s actually quite the photographer, herself!

24. Do they indulge in anything? She indulges in everything, from hobbies to studies. If she wants to try something, she does her damndest to try it! She indulges in indulging.

25. Would they do the exact opposite of what someone says just to spite them? It’s not a regular character trait of hers, but yes. She is stubborn, and when she gets in the right mood, she would absolutely be that level of spiteful.

26. If they’re alone and hear a noise would they go and investigate? Absolutely! Curiosity beats fear every time!

27. If they’re lost what is the first thing they would do? Stay in a tower for 18 years waiting for someone to find her. Climb to high ground to see if she can locate her party, or at least her starting- or intended ending-point.

28. What is that one dream that makes no sense but is absolutely terrifying? The one where she’s a music box dancer and she hates the tune she dances to but can’t do anything about it. The person winding the music box laughs and laughs.

29. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done just because someone said they couldn’t? Slid down a curving banister while standing up. She broke her arm. (Joke’s on them, she learned how to do it flawlessly after that.)

30. Are they stoic or melodramatic about being injured? Stoic at the time of the injury, melodramatic about the trauma afterwards.

#Headcanons #xiaolindude #meme

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dumbwaystodeviate · 6 years ago

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Home

The violent revolution had passes. Androids were considered equals when proven to be deviants. Machines though, they were still very much second class citizens. Years passed and RK900 was bounced from post to post. Nobody wanted the responsibility of employing an obedient killing machine. It was just as well he didn’t need much. An empty room to call his own, there were charging ports dotted around the city and thirium handouts happened once a month. As a top of line android, he didn’t need a top-up all that often. So he floated around the city, haunted the streets as he tried to find somewhere to fit in. Circadian rhythms meant nothing to him and he could be on the streets at 3am or 3pm, it didn’t matter to him. He was down by the waterfront, letting his feet get soaked in the lapping waves by the foot of the bridge when someone growled at him.

“Fuck off, this is my spot. Find your own!” The ‘fuck’ was slightly mangled and the voice rough with a lingering infection. RK900 looked around to find the source of the words.

“I said fuck off you plastic prick,” the lump of discarded bedding moved and a harrowed, scarred face glowered at him. He might have looked menacing and wild to a human but to RK900 is was like a kitten hissing at him. Full of rage and indignity but about as harmful as sandpaper if it lashed out.

“I believe that this is communal area owned by the city council so we have equal rights to be here,” Nines replied easily and wriggled his toes in his soaking shoes. “I’m an RK900, what can I call you?”

“You haven’t earned the right to call me anything, dip shit. Now get the fuck out of here before I beat you to a pulp.”

More out of respect than fear, RK900 got up and took sopping, wet steps as he retreated but still heard the grumble of “fucking androids” from behind him. Even though his room was stark white, empty of all personality, at least nobody could tell him to get out of there.

The next night, he found himself back at the foot of the bridge just before sunset. Carefully stashed away, the bedding was folded up into a holey bin bag. They were rolled tight and a quick scan suggested that clothes and other knickknacks were hidden in the centre. Whether they were valuable or not, RK900 didn’t have the time to scan because a voice was yelling at him again.

“Get the fuck away from my shit!” The same man from yesterday was hobbling towards him, fury etched into every line of his face.

Obediently, RK900 stepped away, hands up to show he meant to harm. He was surprised when the man all but ignored him, instead, turned to his worldly possessions and fussed over them.

“Get lost,” he grumbled to RK900 but didn’t look up.

In the light of day, he looked even less intimidating. Dirt and grime were embedded in his skin, making his wrinkles and scars even more prominent. He couldn’t have been much older then 40 but his situation had aged him beyond his years.

“I mean no harm,” RK900 tried to placate him but went ignored.

The bedding was unrolled and a book was pushed aside, along with a change of clothes which looked just as ragged and worn as what he was currently sporting. Something metallic was quickly palmed and shoved in a pocket with a muttered “thank fuck”.

RK900 watched him make his bed under the bridge, the support leg provided some shielding from the elements but it was no doubt useless against the bitter cold that was creeping in at nights.

“Is there not a shelter you could go to?” he finally asked.

The snort and side glance he got were as bitter as the reply. “They’re all full. Government spends all their money on android shit. They’re cheaper and easier to support and make their numbers instantly look better. Why care for a human when you can sort out eight androids for the same price?”

There was nothing RK900 could say to that. After all, he was one of the ones the government was providing for. He looked over at the man as he heavily sat down in his bed, rubbing his hip with a hiss.

“What happened to you?”

“None of your concern, now piss off.”

RK900 retreated a few steps but sank onto the ground and watched. His scans indicated a low level fever was plaguing the man, given his condition, it probably was the tail end of a chest infection. But given how bad the weather forecast was, there was a 57% probability of a relapse.

“Holy shit, you’re not a deviant, are you?” The man rasped from where he’d burrowed down.

“No, I’m not.” There was no point in lying or denying it. RK900 was what he was, he felt no shame in it. He felt nothing at all. What he didn’t expect was a barked laugh that ended in a hacking cough.

They said nothing to each other until RK900 left close to midnight. His silent companion had been fitfully dozing, obviously not used to the company.

Over the course of the next week, it became a bit of a habit for RK900 to sit by the water under the bridge for the first half a the night. His chosen companion said nothing most days, they just stared out at the water and waited for the sun to go down.

“Hey,” the man called one night as RK900 got up to leave. “I know it may mean nothing to you other than a dictionary definition but thanks.”

Puzzled, RK900 nodded and returned to his room. He didn’t know why he deserved gratitude. They were just two strangers occupying the same space for a little while. It wasn’t like they talked. Still, it was nice to know that his presence wasn’t outright loathed and feared like it was by most people. RK900 had detected many things in the man but not once did he see fear.

“Evening Nines,” the man was propped up against the concrete of the bridge, huddled in his blankets. Rain pelted down around them and was slowly soaking the bedding. “Was wondering whether you’d turn up in such miserable weather.”

RK900 dropped gracefully down next to him, water dripped from his clothes but he didn’t care. Left exposed to the elements as he was, he at least shielded what he’d started calling ‘his human’ from some of the rain. He turned to look at him with a question, “Nines?”

“RK900 was a bit of a mouthful.” It looked like there was a shrug accompanying the words but a shiver swallowed half the movement up.

There was a hiss and, as it had become almost habit, the man rubbed his hip.

“Does it hurt?”

“The cold sets it off. Old battle wound. You know what it’s like.”

A quick scan showed the piece of scrap metal was clutched in his hand and Nines filtered through his potential responses.

“What happened?” He finally settled on. It was open enough to give plenty of choice in response.

Once the coughing had subsided, his companion too a breath. “What happened to everybody else. I trained years, no, decades to get where I was for my job. Then a piece of plastic waltzed in, fresh off the production line but had downloaded all the knowledge that took me years of study to accumulate.”

“I was designed for fighting in the arctic against Russian. Then the revolution happened. Now I am without purpose. Without a sense of self.” It only felt right that Nines would share a little of himself in return.

“Damn. That sucks. I had “Reed, you’re a drain on our resources, taken too many sick days, we cannot keep up this kind of wasteful behaviour.” Not even a sorry or asked to help train up cover. As I walked out with my box of shit, an android arrived, prim and proper as you please. Ready to pick up and do so much better than I did. Not like i had so much time off because I got fucking shot on a case.”

He fell silent after that, eyes tight with the pain of the memories. Nines didn’t want to press, he had a name now and that was enough. Eventually, Reed’s head tipped forward a little, face slack with sleep. On quiet feet, Nines rose up. For the first time in a long time, he had a mission objective.

Hacking into government files wasn’t a chore for an android of his calibre. Personnel files were less heavily protected. Searching for ‘Reed’ brought up several possibilities but sorting by rough age, gender and narrowing it all down to the Detroit area finalised it down to two potential people. A quick look at the attached photo and Nines had found his friend.

Gavin Reed, 41, discharged from service as a homicide detective two years ago. No known address as of 18 months ago. His last case involved a shootout where he’d jumped in front of an undeviated android, took a bullet to the hip. Insurance only covered so much of his bills and time off work. With a slow recovery hindered by infection, the DPD couldn’t keep his position open and filled it before he was fit to return to work. With no job to return to, he was fired on the pretext of too much time off work.

When Nines went to see Gavin the next day, he asked as much. Half expecting to be yelled at for such a breach of privacy, Nines didn’t expect Gavin to let out a bitter laugh.

“That’s the official story, yeah. What they don’t say it that I took the bullet for her and fell on her. Dented her chassis a little. She lodged a complaint but by the time internal affairs conducted a hearing, she’d had it replaced for an upgraded version already. Claimed that the shock of it all forced her to deviate in a traumatic way. Agreed to waive any charges if I was reprimanded and fired. Otherwise she was going to take the DPD to court over her deviation.”

There was nothing Nines could say to that, something simmered in his circuits, burned with something he’d never experienced before. Instead of speaking, he watched as Gavin got up and limped to the water, swirled his hands in it a couple of times before splashing his face. It didn’t seem to serve a purpose other than to human eyes, hide the tears on his cheeks.

“Couldn’t pay the hospital or the mortgage. Sold everything I could and have been trying to make ends meet on the street since.” He coughed weakly into the crook of his elbow as he settled back down and closed his eyes. “I’m tired Nines. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The next evening saw Nines back under the bridge. He didn’t expect Gavin to push something at him. Wrapped in a plastic bag was a brand new scarf.

“For putting up with me,” Gavin shrugged and Nines ran his fingers over the material. Cheaply made polyester that was rough against his fingers. Unlikely to keep him warm and it wasn’t exactly fashionable either.

“With the cold coming, thought you might look a little less out of place. Wanted you to have something of your own.” He carefully didn’t say how the colour made him think of Nines’ eyes.

Nines tucked it in his pocket with a soft ‘thank you’, completely at a loss as to how to handle such a gift. He left shortly after, ignoring he sad look Gavin sent him.

Only at home, when he sat in the corner of his bare room did he fish the scarf out again. The tags were still attached, the price hastily torn off but a quick scan of the item and Nines knew it cost a couple of dollars from a discount store. Realisation hit Nines then. It wasn’t an extravagant gift by any means. But those couple of dollars probably meant a day’s food for Gavin. He’d sacrificed that so he could make warmth flush through the circuits of an undeviated android who sat with him most nights because neither of them had a place in the world.

The walls around Nines were cracked, holes were letting the colours of the world shine through. He picked away at them for the rest of the night and wondered whether Gavin was sleeping well. His chest infection had been getting worse, his breathing shallow and rapid even in his sleep. The more Nines let the walls crumble, the more an overwhelming sense of worry crept through him.

With nothing better to do, Nines decided to surprise Gavin by being at their usual spot by the time he returned from the city centre. Some days he tried finding a job, other days he sat with a sign begging for change from strangers who barely even glanced at him.

Walking towards the bridge, Nines watched how pages from a book were scattered along the shore. They flipped and floated in the wind, pretty in their own right. The cover of the book at some way ahead of him, ripped pages fluttered in the breeze. It was surrounded by clothes strewn in a trail with familiar bedding that was half dumped in the river, sodden. Dread finally forced its way through the gaps in the wall which crumpled under its weight.

Gavin’s things were scattered all over, ransacked and destroyed in anger when nothing valuable was found. As Nines got to the bridge, he finally saw a familiar figure lying face down on the ground, one hand outstretched. Nines ran. He was kneeling next to Gavin in the matter of seconds and rolling him onto his side. Blood coated half his face, eye swollen shut, breath a shallow wheeze.

“Gavin?” Nines shook him a little. “Gavin?”

No response. All logic suggested that Nines calls an ambulance but he didn’t know how Gavin would be able to afford any kind of medical care. He’d left his chest infection untreated for that very reason. An ambulance ride and hospital stay was too costly.

A minute later, Gavin’s lashes fluttered and he whined as the pain registered.

“Nines? What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my friend,” the reply was all too easy. It earned him a soft smile from Gavin. His fist uncurled and Nines watched as the scrap of metal his scans had picked up so often before was finally revealed.

A police badge. Or rather, what has left of it after a bullet had passed through it.

“The bastards couldn’t get this. I wouldn’t let them.” Gavin smiled proudly even as blood welled up from a split lip again.

Mind made up, Nines gathered Gavin against his chest and stood as gently as possible. None of Gavin’s belonging were salvageable. The bedding was sodden, the clothes deliberately ripped beyond use. One step at a time, Nines carried him back to his room. It wasn’t much, barren and white but at least it provided a shelter from the elements.

Since activation, Nines had been without a purpose. A machine without a function in the world he was built in. Now, as he looked at Gavin curled up and small in his room, he knew what he needed to do. Lists of mission objectives filled his HUD, maps to the nearest free treatment clinics, food banks, forms to fill in for government aid which Gavin may not have been told about yet alone given the means to access.

They were two people society had shunned, wanted to forget even existed. Nobody needed an obedient killing machine or a disabled ex-detective but somehow they’d met and, as unlikely as it was, found themselves needed of each other. The future may have looked bleak but Nines finally saw the glimmer of hope.

#reed900 #dbh rk900 #dbh gavin #dumb ways to deviate #drabbles #leader of the rebellion #cw: homelessness #cw: blood

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moonlightrichie · 5 years ago

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i’ll be your light (i will guide you home)

Chapter 1 - “Tour groups sure are fun, aren’t they?”

My contribution to the @itfandomprompts IT Fandom Week day 3: Summer Romance AU This started simple, but I got super carried away so now it’s a multi-chaptered thing oops I’m not even sorry

Summary:

Eddie is on his summer vacation when he meets the charming tour guide Richie Tozier, and even though he's only staying there for five days, that doesn't stop Eddie from falling utterly and completely in love.

Word count: 6908 Pairing: Reddie Rating: Explicit (this chapter isn’t, but there will be sexual content in a later chapter) Warnings: Mentions of sex, drinking alcohol, cursing

READ ON AO3 HERE

Eddie had always dreamt of travelling across Europe with train. Ever since listening to Bev and Ben talk about the trip they went on the summer three years ago, it was all he wanted to do. From Berlin to Prague to Paris, then Budapest and Brussels, to Munich and Amsterdam, all these wonderful places he’d heard so much about, but never seen for himself.

Ben had been his best friend ever since they were kids and they had stayed that way until they finished high school. Beverly had come into their lives the senior year when Ben started dating her, and she’d fit in so well with them that it felt natural to go from a duo to a trio. And even though they were couple, the two of them never acted in a way that made Eddie feel like he was third-wheeling.

It had been Beverly who had wanted to go to Europe that summer after graduation, the adventurous girl that she was, and so her and Ben planned it together, saving up tons of money for the train tickets. If Eddie was honest, he had been horrified at the thought of travelling like that, three weeks with no permanent place to stay, living in shitty motels, a new one every couple of days.

Didn’t seem like a very relaxing vacation if you asked him.

But when the two of them had returned, they had seemed like new people, suntanned and happier than Eddie had ever seen them.

And the stories they told, oh wow, Eddie had gotten so jealous. How beautiful the Eiffel Towel looked at night when it lit up, how it would sparkle for a couple of minutes every passing hour after dark. How devastating it was in Berlin when they heard all the terrible stories about concentration camps and the Berlin wall during a tour, but yet how cool some of the artwork on the wall was. How good the waffles were in Brussels (the best they’d ever tasted) and how there was a five-story nightclub in Prague with a different theme for each floor.

“You should have seen it!” Beverly had said. “It closed at 7am and when we left our motel, I’d thought no way in hell are we staying that long. I was thinking like maybe we’d leave around 3am or something? But then the hours just flew past, and we danced and drank- it cost less than two bucks a beer, did you know that? Two fucking bucks! Anyways, before I knew what was happening the club was emptying out and I was all like, what’s happening, where is everybody going? We had been partying for six hours straight without even noticing! All night long!”

“Wow”, Eddie had said, not quite able to imagine Ben partying all night. They hadn’t even been old enough to drink in the states at that point.

But then there was the story from Paris about the motel they’d stayed at. They’d gotten to the city late that day and after checking into the motel. They’d gone out for a late-night dinner, and then when they’d gotten back at around 11pm, there had been a random man sleeping in their bed.

“We were just walking in, chatting quietly and planning to go to bed when Bev saw him”, Ben had explained. “She’d quieted down as I was rummaging around in my suitcase, poking at my shoulder frantically and pointing at the bed. So we quickly left and checked out of the hotel, I mean… we couldn’t stay.”

“Yeah! And we didn’t even get our money back”, Bev had added.

“Yeah, but it was an interesting experience.”

“And it’s turned into a great story.”

Eddie had listened with wide eyes, knowing that he himself would have been terrified. If it was that easy breaking into a motel room, he was definitely not ever staying in one. Beverly had only laughed when telling the story though, so she was obviously not that traumatized by the incident.

Oh yes, Eddie sure dreamed of purchasing that Interrail ticket and just go. Only he’d book some proper hotels just to be on the safe side. Then again, he didn’t want to do it alone, but his friends weren’t able to come with. They had spent too much on their Interrail that one summer, making it impossible for them to afford a trip that expensive again. And even though he’d asked them every single year since, hoping they’d say yes, they’d only apologetically shaken their heads instead.

Eddie didn’t use to see himself as a person who liked to travel, but he’d definitely changed his mind. Who was he to decide that when he hadn’t even tried it? Besides, he’d lived his whole life in Derry, and he craved to get out. His fingers had been itching all year, a deep pain in his chest festering with every day passing, and it was summer again. And finally, he was going on his first travelling experience.

And okay, so it wasn’t interrailing across Europe, but instead the west coast of the US. And fine, it wasn’t l’Arc du Triomphe and Belgian Chocolate, but instead Hollywood and maybe the Grand Canyon if he was lucky. And yes all right, it wasn’t with his friends, but with his Ma.

But at least they were travelling by train.

Oh, who was he kidding, he was on a vacation with the one person he needed a vacation from. And it wasn’t that he hadn’t looked forward to visiting California and Nevada and seeing their beautiful cities and nature, but he had truly struggled a whole lot getting real excited about it.

As he stepped out into the LA light for the first time in his life, suitcase in hand and grease in his hair, he felt the Hollywood sun blind his vision, and for a second he was overwhelmed at the contentment settling in his chest. Closing his eyes he let himself breathe in the thick air, and he smiled slightly to himself. After the four-hour ride, it was nice to finally move his feet again. They’d had to get up at 7am to take the train that left at 8:30am, and even though he was tired, Eddie was glad to have the whole extra day to spend there.

Los Angeles was their third destination, and one of the longest stays on their trip (four nights, five days), and it was definitely the one he had looked the most forward to.

“I’ve booked us a tour in Hollywood at 3pm”, his Ma said from next to him, already holding a map of the city. “I think we have time to get to our hotel and leave our baggage there before going out again.”

“Do I have time for a shower?”

He hadn’t had time for his routinely morning shower, and he was starting to feel gross. Earlier on the train, he’d put on a sweater on top of his t-shirt to hide the sweat patches under his arms. And even though that’d only made him sweat more, it had made him more comfortable, knowing he could move his arms properly without everyone seeing.

“I think so.”

So that’s what they did, and soon later, at 2:58pm, the two of them were standing with a tour group in the walk of fame, waiting for the tour guide to show up.

“Oh, hold on”, his Ma said suddenly, rummaging through her purse. “I need to take out some cash.”

“I think I saw an ATM around the corner back there.” Eddie pointed back to where they had come from.

“Good, I’ll be right back.” And she was gone.

Uncomfortable he looked around at the tour group, all evident tourists in shorts and tank tops with backpacks and maps in their hands. A group of girls in their twenties had dressed up in what they’d probably call ‘Instagram worthy outfits’ with caked makeup (one of them had overdrawn her lips a whole lot with bright red lipstick), all holding phones ready in their perfect manicured hands. There were a few couples there, one specifically who wasn’t able to keep their hands off of each other. The girl was stroking the guy’s arm way too sensually for the public eye to see, and Eddie looked away uneasily. Then there was what seemed to be a Scandinavian family, all of them blonde and pretty. The dad was wearing an ugly beige baseball hat with a moose on it, and Eddie wrinkled his nose.

“Tour groups sure are fun, aren’t they?” A raspy voice interrupted Eddie’s observations from behind him, and he spun around frantically.

A tall man seeming to be around the same age as Eddie was smiling down at him, crooked teeth on full display. With the sun suddenly blinding him, Eddie put up a hand over his eyes to block the bright light, and he could see the man properly now.

With a mop of dark curly hair and pretty blue eyes behind massive glasses, he managed to make Eddie speechless for a couple of seconds.

“Uh…”

“In this unbearable heat, this should be a lot of fun, don’t ya think?” the man continued, lifting his eyebrows in expectation of an answer.

“Sure.” Eddie felt completely and utterly awkward, not really the best at talking to strangers, and especially not tall, lanky guys with shining eyes and a charming smile.

“You here alone?” he asked, either seeming to not notice Eddie’s awkwardness or simply choosing to ignore it.

“I’m with my mom, she had to go take out some cash.” He pointed with his thumb behind him.

“Aah”, the guy nodded his head. “A nice family vacation then?”

Eddie shrugged. “It’s fine.” He groaned internally at his lame answers, for some reason wanting to impress this guy and for him to find Eddie interesting enough to keep talking to him. There was no denying that the man was cute.

“Well Hollywood’s real nice, lots of fun things to do, so I’m sure you’ll have a great time.” The man poked Eddie’s upper arm with his elbow, a playful smile on his pink lips.

“Well”, Eddie fumbled, looking down at his watch to see that the tour was supposed to start four minutes ago. “As long as the tour guide bothers to show up, then maybe I will.” He laughed, a little awkwardly.

The man creased his eyebrows, a semi-shocked expression taking over his face, and Eddie regretted his words instantly, scared he was coming off as mean.

He continued looking at him for a few seconds, but then his facial expression turned amused. He laughed slightly, just a small huff coming out his nose. “Yeah, kinda douche baggy to not show up for the tour you’re guiding, am I right?”

Eddie breathed out in relief, his next words flowing out of him before he could even think. “Right? Bad enough getting stood up by a date, but by the tour guide? I’m heartbroken”, he said sarcastically, trying for a small smile.

The guy only laughed more, Eddie joining in carefully before the two of them stopped and a comfortable silence settled between them.

“What’s your name?” the guy asked.

“It’s Eddie.”

“It was very nice meeting you Eddie, but I kinda need to get goin’. I’m late for work.” He winked at him, and Eddie could feel disappointment already forming in his chest, the pride he’d felt from making this pretty man laugh disappearing quickly.

But then the guy just stepped back a little, reached into the back pocket of his shorts and took out a black baseball hat. In confusion, Eddie looked as the guy put it on and clapped his hands loudly, attracting the attention from the other tourists.

“Alright, guys! Welcome to Hollywood. I’m Richie and I’ll be your tour guide today.” Eddie could feel all the heat in his cheeks disappear immediately, heart picking up speed. Looking at the man’s, Richie’s, hat, he noticed that it clearly said ‘tour guide’ in big red letters.

Oh, how Eddie had messed up.

“I’m sorry I was a little late, I got distracted”, he looked over at Eddie briefly; something of a small secret smile forming on his lips as they locked eyes, and he winked. “I’ll start by telling you a little bit about the background of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and then we’ll walk down it after, sounds alright?”

The group gave scattered ‘yes’-es and nods of their head.

He noticed just then that his Ma was back by his side. “This will be so much fun, Eddie-bear”, she whispered to him, clapping her hands silently together.

He could only nod, his eyes locked on Richie.

The guided tour lasted for about two hours, and more than once Richie would look over at Eddie with that same smile and a spark in his eyes. Being funny and cracking dry jokes, he made the tour group laugh a lot between the informative parts of his script. Eddie didn’t doubt the jokes were scripted too, probably not the first time he was saying them today.

When it ended they were in the middle of the most popular part of the Walk of Fame, where there were tourists taking pictures with impressionists that had dressed up like Darth Vader and Spiderman and look-alikes of Justin Bieber and Britney Spears.

It was chaotic to say the least, and Eddie just wanted to get something to eat, starting to get tired from all the walking and still worn-out from the lack of sleep after the early train-ride.

“Let’s get something to eat, Ma”, he turned to her.

“Sure, bear”, she started looking around for a restaurant. “That tour was great, wasn’t it?”

“Sure.”

She reached down in her purse to take out her wallet. “I have some cash here, maybe you could go tip the guide a little while I find somewhere to eat?” She placed a five-dollar bill in his hand.

He nodded his head, and she smiled before taking out her phone, probably to search up different eating locations in the nearby area.

As Eddie started walking towards Richie, he noticed him already looking at him. It seemed like he was talking to the Scandinavian family, and they were laughing at something he’d said.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed the tour! Have a great vacation!” Eddie heard him say. The family all said their thanks before scattering away just as he stepped up in front of Richie.

“Uhm, the tour was really great”, he reached out his hand, the tip between his fingers.

“Thanks”, Richie smiled and took the cash, their hands brushing for a second.

“And I’m really sorry for earlier, I’m absolutely mortified”, Eddie admitted, shaking his head with wide eyes.

Richie only smiled wider, eyes squinting at the bight sun in his eyes. “Don’t be, it was cute. And it was funny, I mean, you were right, so…”

Eddie chuckled sarcastically. “No seriously, that was totally uncalled for. The tour really was great.”

“Well, I’m glad, and I accept your apology”, Richie winked again.

“Alright, well, bye then”, Eddie smiled sadly at the thought of having to leave. Honestly, Eddie didn’t really ever get much attention from guys. Being gay had made it difficult for him to flirt obviously, having more than once been shot down by straight guys who’d told him things like ‘sorry, dude, I’m not gay’ in their most bro-voice, even close to sounding offended at the accusations that they might be.

But this time, Eddie was sure they’d had some sort of connection; at least Richie had seemed to be flirting with him. Or maybe he was only being friendly, and Eddie was seeing things that weren’t there, letting the excitement of being flirted with get the best of him.

He started to walk away, missing the way Richie’s smile dropped when he turned around.

“No, wait!” Richie yelled after him.

Eddie spun around. “What?”

“Are you free tonight?” he sputtered out in a rush.

The question caught Eddie off guard, and he stopped for a second to collect his thoughts. “I, uhh…”

Richie interrupted him before he could continue.

“Because yeah, being a tour guide is my job and all, you know, gotta make that bank and gets that moneys.” He rubbed his fingers together in a ‘cash’-gesture. “But I also play in a band? And we’re playing a concert tonight at this local pub. It’s not too far from here actually, but in a little more of a secluded area than the Walk of Fame, you can see how it is.” Richie was rambling, sounding almost nervous. “I just mean, maybe you’d like to come? Not to be rude or assuming, but you don’t really seem to be having the best time on your vacation, and I get that, especially if you only have your mom to hang out with. So I just thought maybe this would be fun? Getting to experience a normal LA night out and not just the façade that the tourists see when they visit, ya know? And I’d also really like to see you again too, and uhm…”

He stopped himself, scratching timidly at his neck and finally realizing he’d been talking for way too long. With his monologue, Eddie’s smile had grown larger by the second, absolutely charmed by the cute man in front of him.

The hat was still perched on his head, dark curls pushing out from underneath it, and in a way it framed his head in a weird way, but it only made him even more mesmerizing to watch. Now that he was no longer silhouetted by the sun, but instead lit up by it, Eddie could get a good look at his face.

With freckles all over his pale skin and blue eyes glittering in the shadow from his hat, he was now looking at Eddie with a blush on his face and a crooked smile playing on his lips. He still had some awkwardness to him, being much taller than Eddie with gangly limbs and eyes magnified behind his glasses.

In a way, Eddie was surprised at the nervous ramble Richie had just stammered out after seeming to be so smooth when they first started talking.

All in all, the man was undeniably charming and cute, and Eddie would love to see him again. So he nodded, trying to hold back the wide smile that was trying to force its way onto his face. “I’d love to.”

Seeming almost surprised, Richie breathed out in relief. “Shit, that’s… Uh, that’s great! It starts at 10:30pm, and we have a soundcheck at 7. But I have time after that, so I can probably meet you here at 9 then? And we can walk there together?”

“Sounds great”, Eddie nodded, smiling widely. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

Richie’s grin grew bigger. “Me too.”

Silence settled over them, both smiling at each other shyly.

“Eddie!” They were interrupted by the voice of his Ma. They both turned, and she was waving Eddie over. “I found an Italian place that looks pretty nice!”

“Coming, Ma!” He turned back to Richie, hands on his hips. “I have to go.” He nodded his head in the direction of his Ma.

“Okay.” Richie cocked his head to the side. “You like Italian?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, important question. Pizza or pasta?”

Eddie snickered lightly, his laughter fading into a thoughtful ‘uh’. “I think pizza.”

Richie nodded his head approvingly. “Pizza’s a good choice. I prefer pasta myself.” Then he pressed his lips together to suppress a smile. “I mean you’re quite the snack, Spagh-Eddie.” He amplified the pronunciation by splitting up the words, putting extra pressure on the last part.

Eddie sputtered. “Oh, god, that’s…” he shook his head. “That’s so bad.”

“Oh, what can I say, I’m quite the bad boy.” Richie winked.

Eddie put up his hands with a shocked scoff. “Nuh uh, nope, I’m cancelling our plans, this is goodbye.”

Of course he was kidding, and Richie knew that, if the amused smile on his face was anything to go by. “Nah, you’re too charmed by me.”

And of course Richie was just messing around, but Eddie couldn’t help but smile genuinely. “Yeah, I am.”

Richie’s eyebrows rose slightly, seeming to process Eddie’s admission. “Oh.”

“I’ll see you at 9”, Eddie said before Richie could say anything else. “Bye.”

Then he turned around and started walking towards his Ma, barely catching the dazed ‘bye’ from Richie.

His Ma looked impatient, tapping her foot on one of the stars with a name Eddie had never heard before.

“What took so long?”

Eddie kept quiet for a second, considering what to tell her. “I have plans tonight.”

“What?” She gaped. “But we’re on a vacation together, the two of us.”

“I know, Ma”, Eddie sighed. “But he asked if I wanted to go to a pub tonight, and I really want to.”

“No, I’m not allowing that”, she declared.

“You don’t get to decide that”, he snapped. “Ma, I’m 22 now, you can’t stop me from doing things for myself.”

She only grumbled, unlocking her phone to open the maps app. It was obvious the discussion was over, nothing she could do about it.

The pasta restaurant was nice, Eddie not being able to resist ordering spaghetti, settling for the Bolognese and thinking about Richie the entire time. He kept catching himself smiling into his pasta whenever he thought about the night he had in store.

It was around 7:45pm when they arrived back at the hotel, and Eddie only had about 45 minutes until he had to leave. Quickly washing his face and armpits and brushing his teeth, he managed to mentally prepare what outfit he wanted to go with. He ended up with some high-waisted washed-out denim jeans and a light copper-colored t-shirt with a little chest pocket. Something simple that wasn’t trying too hard, but still cute enough to look good. A simple styling of his hair and he was out the hotel door, ten minutes early.

His Ma didn’t even look at him when he passed her bed on his way out, but he didn’t care, only putting on his white denim jacket and converse. “Don’t wait up”, he mumbled before closing the door.

It was getting chillier outside, and he was happy he chose jeans instead of shorts, knowing it’d get colder as the night progressed. Taking his time walking, knowing he was early, he appreciated the sight of the city. The sun had set only a little while ago, and the sky was still a pretty turquoise where it had gone down.

Turning the final corner, he could see the spot they were supposed to be meeting in the short distance, and he quickly noticed Richie already standing there. Eddie looked down on his watch. 8:52pm.

Richie was rocking back and forth on his heels, seeming to fix the way his jean jacket was looking and pulling up his pants and adjusting his belt, and Eddie could feel excitement build in his stomach at the sight.

Then Richie looked up, finally noticing Eddie getting closer and he waved, and soon the two of them were in front of each other, shy smiles on their faces.

“Hi.”

Another silence followed, neither of them knowing how to continue. Richie gestured with his hand. “Shall we?”

“We shall”, Eddie agreed, and the two of them started walking, Richie leading the way.

They chattered a little along the way, Richie asking about what music Eddie liked (“80’s pop divas and Ariana Grande”, he’d replied honestly, refusing to be ashamed of himself even though he knew that most likely Richie didn’t listen to any of that stuff. “What about you?” “Oh, I prefer rock and hip hop mostly, a little indie sometimes and like you, I really love stuff from the 80’s, just maybe not the same artists”, he winked.), and telling him about the band he played in.

Richie talked about how it was his dream to make it with his band, but was also content with the idea of just having it as a hobby if they weren’t able to. Even though Eddie asked, Richie didn’t want to reveal too much of what kind of music they played (“you’ll just have to wait and see, Spaghetti”), but Eddie learned that Richie played guitar as well as being the lead singer.

When they finally got to the pub, there were several people waiting in line to get in.

“They don’t open the pub until 10pm, but because I’m in the band, we can get in early”, Richie whispered into his ear, and after a quick text, the doorman opened the entrance. He narrowed his eyes at Eddie, but Richie only smiled and said: “he’s with me” and the two of them were let in after a quick ID-check.

It was weird seeing a pub so empty, only a couple handfuls of people sitting around, most of them looking like employees.

“I’ll buy you a drink, what do you want?” Richie asked.

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Oh, sure I do!” he waved his hand in dismissal. “I invited you here, and besides, I get a discount because I’m playing tonight.

“Oh, sure then, I guess.” Eddie smiled. “Just a beer is fine.”

“Comin’ right up”, and he was off, leaving Eddie standing there alone.

Eddie wiped his clammy hands on his jean-clad thighs uncomfortably, not knowing what to do. There were three people sitting in a booth by the window, not looking like they worked there. Probably Richie’s band, Eddie thought.

They were looking at him curiously, but when they noticed he’d caught them staring, they quickly looked away, resuming their conversation. He walked over to where Richie was standing by the bar, seeing the newly poured beer being handed to him by the bartender.

“Thanks, man”, Richie said before turning to see Eddie standing right next to him. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks”, Eddie said, grabbing the beer, their hands brushing again. Richie kept his fingers on Eddie’s for a second longer this time, stroking his index finger with his thumb softly before pulling away. The tiny touch made electricity course through Eddie’s veins, from the tips of his fingers and down to his toes. Even in the darkness, he could see the way Richie’s cheeks turned a pretty pink color, and feeling the heat in his own cheeks, Eddie knew his face looked the same.

Richie then introduced Eddie to his bandmates, the three from the booth. There was Stan, a dirty-blonde haired man in a black turtleneck with good cheekbones; he played guitar. There was Bill on bass: a tall man with red hair and an attractive authority. And then there was Mike on drums: a handsome dark-skinned man with the kindest smile Eddie had ever laid eyes on. They all shook his hand politely, Mike apologizing for their staring earlier.

“Just Richie who’s been talking about you non-stop all day”, Stan laughed, teasing Richie by elbowing him in his side.

The three of them laughed at Richie’s expense, and Eddie couldn’t help the happy smile forming on his lips at their words, trying to hide it by looking down at the table. Richie just flipped him off even though the blush on his cheeks was undeniable.

“Alright guys, way to embarrass me”, he groaned. He was sitting next to Eddie in the booth, their thighs pressed together. Eddie felt something like bravery edging him on, and he let his hand drift over to Richie’s leg, laying his hand gently just above his knee.

Seeing Richie’s head snap towards him immediately in his peripheral vision and feeling his gaze burn into the side of his face, he slowly looked over shyly. “This okay?” he whispered so only Richie could hear.

“Uh, yeah.” Richie was staring at him so intensely, bright eyes seeming to study Eddie’s face. But then he looked away, and soon after Eddie could feel the gentle touch of Richie’s hand land on top of his.

Putting his elbow on the table, Eddie leaned his chin in his hand, covering his mouth with the palm to hide his wide smile.

First 10pm rolled by, the pub quickly filling up with people, and then it was 10:15 and the band had to go backstage to start their pre-concert routine. Eddie ended up standing by the bar, a nice view of the stage even through the mass of people in front on him.

Soon it was 10:30pm, and the band was exiting the back and stepping onto the stage, all of them turning on their amps and making sure everything was working the way it was supposed to. And then they were breaking out into their first song.

It started just with a groovy guitar riff from Stan and a drum beat. But soon it picked up, Richie playing a simply lead on his guitar and the bass joining in. Eddie wanted to dance already.

Richie stepped up to the microphone and started singing, the others joining in on backup vocals. His voice wasn’t the absolute best, but it worked well with the vibe of the song, the lyrics simple, but melody catchy, and Eddie found himself bop his head to the beat.

“I only see you when you’re walking”, Richie sang. “Walking to somewhere. You’re so restless.” Bill and Stan replying with an “aha, aha”.

“It must be special there”, he finished the chorus, gaze locked on Eddie as he backed away from the mic for an instrumental break. Moving with the music, he smiled widely, and he looked truly happy. There was no doubt about it that Richie belonged on that stage.

The crowd was dancing, some just nodding their head, while others were swaying back and forth. The entire atmosphere was magical, and it was obvious they had some actual fans in the front row, singing along and cheering louder than the rest of the audience. The sight made Eddie smile, feeling his shoulders relax, and he let out a content sigh.

Richie had bought him another beer before they’d left for backstage, but Eddie had already finished it, and he quickly waved down the bartender for another.

Their set lasted for another half hour (one song especially with a reggae vibe and lyrics that had made Eddie laugh was carved into his memory) when Richie announced they were playing their last song for the night. With cheeks starting to hurt (he hadn’t been able to stop smiling the entire time, feeling a happiness he hadn’t experienced in a while), he started cheering himself.

Their last song started with just Richie’s vocals.

“I wanna do something!” he yelled.

“What d’ya wanna do?” the others followed.

“Dance!” he finished before jumping into the first verse, and then the entire crowd was doing just that, even more than before. With time passing and intoxication rising, it seemed the people were less scared to dance.

As the chorus started, the hook going ‘I’m touching you, you’re touching me, I’m touching you, you’re touching me’, Eddie couldn’t help but start bouncing on his feet, the lyrics so easy that he found himself singing along.

As the band finished, the crowd was cheering loudly, and the four of them were happily standing on the stage proudly, accepting the applause. “Thank you all!” Richie yelled, and then they started packing up their gear and disappeared backstage, Richie winking at Eddie as he passed him.

Eddie stood standing by the bar, waiting and contently sipping at his beer. Feeling the warmth of the alcohol spreading through his body, he felt comfortable standing alone for a while. Not like before.

Soon he saw a body move next to his own and leaning against the bar. “Hello there.”

“Hi!” Eddie turned, hands moving wildly, energy taking over him after the show. “That was amazing! Those songs were so fun and catchy, wow, uhm, I had such a great time watching.”

Richie was grinning. “Oh, you sure know how to make a gal blush”, he said in a weird southern accent.

Eddie shook his head in amusement.

“No, but seriously, thank you.” Richie was leaning in closer, eyes boring into him.

“Can I buy you a beer?” Eddie asked. “After the amazing show you just pulled off, it’s well deserved.”

“Sure”, he kept his eyes on Eddie even as he ordered and paid, something special in the look on his face, head tilted back, his gaze powerful and the ghost of a smirk to be seen on his lips, which Eddie just noticed were invitingly plump and soft looking.

Something was bubbling in Eddie’s stomach, and he was pretty certain it wasn’t from the alcohol. Looking around he noticed there were no places available to sit, so the two of them ended up standing there for the next hour or so, drinking and chatting. When Richie heard what hotel Eddie was staying at, he excitedly told how he didn’t live too far from there. He shared an apartment with Stan, and they’d lived there together since they left high school two years ago. Something about the fact that his hotel was close to Richie’s home made a spark form in Eddie’s chest, heart picking up the slightest of speed.

They were moving closer to each other by the second, Richie’s hand landing on Eddie’s waist at some point.

After a while, Richie looked over Eddie’s shoulder quickly before looking back at Eddie. “Wanna dance?”

Eddie turned around to check out the dancing crowd, the perfect amount on it, not so few that it was awkward, but not so many that dancing was impossible with the lack of space. So he nodded, a little breathless. “Yeah.”

And high on the tension between them and drunk from the alcohol they’d had, the two of them were dancing close, Eddie’s arms around Richie’s neck and Richie’s hands on Eddie’s hips. Even though Eddie wasn’t the best dancer in the world, he was still comfortable, knowing he still had rhythm in his body. And Richie was following his lead, his body flushed against Eddie’s. They were pressing close, Richie’s breath hot against Eddie’s ear.

It was intoxicating having him so close, feeling Richie’s cheek press against his temple, his stubble scratching gently at Eddie’s skin. With their bodies touching everywhere and the heat from the rest of the dancing crowd, they were both sweating, air thick between them. Something bubbled deep inside Eddie’s stomach when he felt Richie’s fingers push underneath his sweater and onto bare skin, and he let out a shaky breath.

“Do you want to come back to my place after?” Richie whispered, voice rough.

Eddie wasn’t surprised by the question, knowing what the night had been leading up to all along. But still he hesitated. Of course he wanted to have sex with Richie, but he was also scared for it to become a one-time type of thing and that they’d never see each other again.

And even though Eddie wasn’t completely inexperienced, there was also the fact that Eddie hadn’t ever fully fucked anybody before, and he was sure as hell not giving up his virginity to a one-night stand.

“Uhm”, he started, unsure of how to form his sentences. He didn’t want it to come out too rudely, desperately wanting Richie to understand that Eddie wanted to, but just not on their first day of knowing each other.

“Maybe not tonight?” he whispered carefully, trying intentionally to hint at them meeting again and pulling his head back so he could look at Richie properly. Something about the look in Richie’s eyes was intoxicating, hypnotic, and Eddie could feel himself getting entirely entranced by this gorgeous man in front of him.

Eddie didn’t know what to expect as a reaction, afraid of something angry, or maybe an indifferent ‘whatever’. Worst of all, he was afraid of Richie leaving and ending up going home with someone else. But instead, Richie’s intense stare only softened, a sincere smile on his face. “Alright.”

But he didn’t move away, only continued dancing, the air a little less affected by the sexual heat between them now, but still pleasant.

“Maybe I can see you again tomorrow? Show you around the city during the day or something?”

Eddie smiled, grateful. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

“It’s a date.”

Richie ended up following Eddie back to the hotel. After another half hour of dancing, they had ended up in an empty booth. At around 2:30am they’d said goodbye to Richie’s bandmates, and soon after they were stepping out into the cold Los Angeles night.

Holding hands as they walked down the street, they continued their conversation about their current life-situations that they’d had back in the booth. When Richie found out Eddie lived back in Maine, he’d pouted massively, making Eddie giggle.

“I never asked you, how long are you staying for?” Richie asked when they were outside the hotel.

“We leave on Wednesday”, Eddie replied. Their Saturday had just finished three hours ago, and Eddie realized with a crushing devastation that at some point he’d have to leave LA and most likely wouldn’t ever see Richie again.

“Shit”, Richie sulked, dragging a hand through his messy hair.

“Yeah”, Eddie agreed quietly. “Shit.”

“Well, let’s not think about that just yet!” Richie perked up slightly, replacing his frown with a smile. “That’s still, what, four more days?”

“It is”, Eddie laughed.

“Well, that’s four days for us to spend together, and I have the day off tomorrow. I’m already mentally planning all the places I wanna show you!”

Letting go of his disappointment from earlier, Eddie stared up at Richie with a soft gaze, feeling happiness blossom at the knowledge that Richie wanted to spend the next days together with him. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.”

They stood looking at each other for a few moments, neither saying anything. But then Richie placed his hand on Eddie’s cheek, and he was leaning down slowly, checking if Eddie was going to pull away as he moved closer. Eddie pushed up on his toes, closing the gap between them, and then they were kissing.

It started gentle, Richie’s bottom lip between Eddie’s. His lips were soft, and their kisses were tender and meaningful, nothing like Eddie had ever felt before.

Richie’s fingers were caressing Eddie’s temple, a gentle touch, his other hand placed on Eddie’s waist and pulling him closer as the kiss got deeper. The tip of Richie’s tongue was poking at Eddie’s lips, and soon they were making out, tongues meeting desperately with every opening of their mouths. Putting his hands on the collar of Richie’s jacket, he tried to pull him even closer, but it was close to impossible at that point, and he opted with pushing his fingers between Richie’s dark locks instead.

As it started getting heated, spit making the kiss slippery, Eddie was starting to reconsider going home with Richie in his mind. His dick twitched in interest when Richie hooked his thumb into the top of Eddie’s pants, the bare skin of his hip being set on fire by Richie’s touch.

But he knew it would be a bad idea (they had all the time in the world (actually only four days, he had to remind himself)) and with that thought he pulled away just enough for their mouths to part before it got too far and he wouldn’t be able to help himself anymore.

“I had a great night”, he whispered, scared that if he spoke too loud it would break the magic they’d created between the two of them.

“Me too”, Richie rubbed his nose against Eddie’s gently. “And now I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow.”

Eddie sighed happily. “Me neither.”

“Drink some water before you go to sleep, alright?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh at that.

“No, I’m serious”, Richie insisted. “You drank a lot tonight, and you’ll feel better if you drink some water before bed.”

Eddie shook his head delightedly, their noses bumping together with the movement. “Alright, I will.”

“Good.”

They parted with a gentle peck on the lips and an exchange of phone numbers, Eddie watching Richie walk away.

A little while later, when Eddie had just gotten under the covers after sneaking in and chugging a glass of water, his phone dinged. He reached for where he’d put it on the floor, quickly turning off the sound in case it was to ding again and wake his Ma.

3:12am From Richie pick u up at 11 tmrw ! xxxxx

3:12am To Richie Looking forward to it! X

3:12am From Richie only 1 kiss? :(

3:12am To Richie You can have all the kisses you want tomorrow xxx

3:13am From Richie cant wait !! n dont bother with breakfast, ive planned a place to eat! :D xx

3:13am To Richie sounds great! xx

3:14am From Richie night my darlin <3 xxxxxxx

He blushed at the pet name, imagining how it would sound if Richie was to call him that in real life.

3:14am To Richie Goodnight Richie, sweet dreams <3 xxxxxxxxxxxx

Quietly giggling to himself, he sent that last message.

3:14am From Richie <3 <3 <3

Eddie fell asleep with a smile.

Taglist: @annoyingtozier, @spastuetheobsessedphylosopher, @constantreaderfool

#lynn writes #my writing #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #meet-cute #summer romance au #band au #kinda?#reddie fanfic #reddie fanfiction #it 2017 #it #it fanfic #it fanfiction #i'll be your light

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gg-astrology · 5 years ago

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Moon Phases in Astrology | pt. III

Hello! ❤️💕 I hope you’ve enjoyed the series so far!! ❤️💕 This is more uh.. astronomy. But here we’ll touch on how to identify the Moon in the sky + different methods, so you don’t have to rely on a chart if you’re just out and about doing things. Ahhhh I hope you like it! ❤️💕

Moon Phases in Astrology | pt. I

*How to find: Moon Phase with a Natal Chart

Moon Phases in Astrology | pt. II

*Moon Phases: New Moon, Waxing Crescent Moon, First Quarter Moon, Waxing Gibbous Moon. Astrological Interpretations.

Identifying the Moon without a Chart

Let’s get started!! ❤️💕 Identifying Moon phases from our eyes depends on whether we’re at the Northern or Southern hemisphere, or where we’re located technically! Even if you live in the tropics like me (hello!) here’s some methods to try out to help you track/identify the moon:

We’re all going through the same phase, whether you’re above or below the equator. It’s just the appearance of the Moon that’s different! ❤️💕

So this post is about identifying the phase visually if you don’t have a Moon app open!! ❤️💕

A few cautionary/myth busters if you’ve had no idea before. The shadow is not the same, so it’s never a universal thing to say ‘oh the left side is waxing, the right side is waning’

That’s to say, if you live in a certain region in the world and you’re talking to your friend in a different hemisphere, if you go ‘oh the waxing crescent is when the crescent is on the right!!’ this is not the same for your friend, who may have their waxing crescent be on the left/and or above/below instead.

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere (above the equator) the Moon waxes on the right side. Wanes on the left.

I.e. the part that increases in light (waxing) is on the right. The shadow should be on the left.

If it’s decreasing in light (waning) the left side is illuminated, while the right side is in shadows.

If you live in the Southern Hemisphere (below the equator) the Moon waxes on the left side. Wanes on the right.

I.e. the part that increases in light (waxing) is on the left. The shadow should be on the right.

If it’s decreasing in light (waning) the right side is illuminated, while the left side is in shadow.

There’s diagrams below don’t worry skskjsnsk ❤️💕

‘Pinch the Moon a lil’ Method

(not.. not an official name... it’s just what I call it..)

> Try this method?

If put your right hand up to a C, doesn’t matter if it’s backwards. Put it against the moon in the sky.

If the part that is in the light curves into your C - and you live in the Northern Hemisphere, then it is increasing in light (waxing).

If the part that is in the light curves into your C - and you live in the Southern Hemisphere, then it’s decreasing in light (waning).

Here’s a little photoshopped diagram to show you:

Do you see? ❤️💕 Because we use the right hand as the part that grabs the Moon. In the Northern Hemisphere, it waxes on the right. So you’re always grabbing the Moon if you use your right hand as the base.

Souther Hemisphere-er: feel free to use the left hand if you want!! ❤️💕 I’m just using the right hand as an example (to not get everyone confused!!)

Here’s some more diagram to lay it all down for you:

Here’s for First and Last Quarter. Going by the same rule - for the Northern Hemisphere, the Moon waxes and wanes from right to left:

And the crescents

With the Crescent, you can see more shadow than the Gibbous so if you ever get confused -- remember that the Moon is a sphere, You can make an ‘o’ with your hand and then uncurl it into a ‘c’ again.

For Northern Hemisphere, stick to your right hand. If the moon cradles your palm (and is not on the other side) then it’s waxing.

For Souther Hemisphere, you can use your left hand if it’s easier. Again, if the moon cradles the palm of your left hand, then it’s waxing.

I hope this is helpful and not confusing skskjnsk ❤️💕 Anyways, ’m gonna pause here for a bit... a little interlude... a little bit more about... crescent moons for the tropical-people out there below ;) ❤️💕

Hey, what if the Crescent Moon isn’t Left or Right?

Good question!!! ❤️💕❤️💕 Now with the Crescent Moon in the tropics, it’s a bit harder to identify sometimes because it can open upwards and downwards as well!!! ❤️💕

Not everything is left or right sometimes!! 💕❤️So we’ll have to add something here for us tropical-people to identify our Moon as well. 💕❤️

If you’re moving from somewhere that has seasons to the tropics, you’ll slowly see that the Moon is oriented a bit differently ❤️💕

Since the Moon reflects light of the Sun. If the Sun is above the Moon, the Moon’s crescent opens downwards (light shining ontop of the Moon’s surface, shadow below). It’s ‘brows’ (the pointy ends) should be pointing somewhat down.

So if the Sun is below the Moon in orientation, the Crescent opens upwards (light shining from below the Moon’s surface, shining upwards. Shadows above.)

Now, remember when we looked at the identifying the Moon phases with Natal Charts in part 1? At New Moon, the Moon is conjunct to the Sun. So when something is waxing, we’re moving from New Moon to Full Moon (Sun-Moon opposition).

That means if it’s waxing, the Moon should be moving past the Sun, it should be below the sun (remember that our chart moves counter-clockwise, 1H, 2H, 3H is counter-clockwise) -- the crescent, then, should be pointing downwards. So when the Crescent is at the Top - it should be a Waxing Crescent.

So like this:

Kinda abstract looking ;; But the Sun is above. And then do you see the top part being illuminated by the light? Since it’s spherical (somewhat) - one side of the surface is bound to be in shadows.

Then, if we’re talking about waning, the Moon is moving to meet the Sun, going to conjunct to it soon (moving towards it). Then the Moon (again, counter-clockwise, remember) -- would be above the Sun. The crescent should be pointing upwards. So when the Crescent is at the Bottom - that’s a Waning Crescent.

Excuse my terrible diagrams

Does this makes sense ;; ?? 💕❤️ This kind of ties our knowledge of Sun-Moon chart and what we see together hopefully. At least a little bit. ;; ❤️💕

Another way to identify -- is to know that the Waxing Crescent rises in the West in the Evenings. While the Waning Crescent rises from the East in the Morning. There’s a timetable below for when the Moonrise and Moonsets (for each phases) -- but hopefully this is kind of helpful?? ❤️💕

Remember that it orbits around AND rotates on its axis, so it can be a little tricky.❤️💕 I hope this helps if you had -- like, zero idea before! ❤️💕

Moonrise and Moonset

Another way to help you figure it out (whether it’s waxing or waning) is that the Moonrises and Moonsets at different time during it’s progression. That’s why sometimes you see certain Moon during the day, and sometimes you’re a little too late and the Moon’s already set at night!

The Moon doesn’t always rises and set when the Sun comes up and down. So here’s a little thing to help you figure it out:

The New Moon won’t be visible because it actually rises and set with the Sun. The only illumination it may have is from earthshine, when the earth reflects light from the sun into planetary objects (i.e. the Moon) Remember that the side that’s illuminated is actually facing the Sun - so we won’t be able to see the Moon for a few days here :(

If you see the Moonrise in the morning (9am), peak around evening (3pm) and Moonsets around 9pm -- it’s probably a Waxing Crescent Moon.

The First Quarter Moon typically rises around the afternoon or early evening-- 1-3pm. Then it peaks at around 6pm, sunset. Moonsets around Midnight (12am). Oof!

So now. Waxing Gibbous Moon typically rises around 3pm (late evening), peak at around 9pm and Moonsets around 3am at night. I’ll write a summary below -- but as you can see, the ones keeping you company most of the time are the waxing moons who do not have human obligations and can, therefore, rise and set in the afternoon/late evening and in the middle of the night.

The Full Moon is our constant, she’s here when the Sunsets and she leaves when the Sunrises. So naturally, she peaks at Midnight.

Waning Gibbous rises around 9pm, peak at around 6am when the sun is rising, and Moonset at 9am. So already, you can see how waning moons are nightowls and prefers to stay till early morning before leaving.

Third Quarter Moon rises around Midnight (12am) peak at 6am and actually goes home at noon (around 1-2pm) - to differentiate between the third quarter and first quarter. Wait a bit longer till evening to see if the Moon is visible or not. The First Quarter rises at Noon and stays until Midnight. So if you still see the Moon at around 9pm it’s probably a First Quarter Moon who’s just rising!

Waning Crescent rises around 3am, peak at 9am and moonset at 3pm. If you put this side by side to Waxing Crescent -- if you check in the evening (6pm)-- you can see whether there’s a moon in the sky anywhere or not. If there’s a Moon -- it’s a waxing crescent (rise at 9am and sets at 9pm)

So to figure out the Moon’s Time Schedule, here’s a little helper for you:

Waxing/Waning Crescent: If you see a Crescent Moon at 6am. It’s a Waning Crescent. If you see a Crescent Moon at 6pm. It’s a Waxing Crescent.

First/Last Quarter: If you see a Quarter Moon around 9pm, it’s probably a First Quarter Moon (rises at 1-3pm, sets at 12am) If you see a Quarter Moon around 9am, it’s a Last Quarter Moon (rises at 12am, sets at 1-2pm).

Waxing/Waning Gibbous: If you see a Gibbous Moon at 12pm it’s probably a Waning Gibbous. If you see a Gibbous Moon at 12am it’s probably a Waxing GIbbous.

** Since some of us have seasons + daylight saving times, I’d say we should probably give/take a few hours as well. If say we’re looking at a waxing crescent, we know that it rises in the morning and sets before midnight. So that could be 7-11am depending on your region (loosely), or 7-11pm depending on your nights as well. Do you see what I mean? Cause sunrise and sunsets happens differently when it’s summer/winter -- so we take that into consideration as well. Daylight hours.

Conclusion: How to Put Two and Two Together

N-E-S-W

This is just how I usually do it if I don’t have my phone app with me, but also just how I usually.. uh.. spend my alone time generally after-dark?

Now, because I’m outdoor a lot at night. I know I usually sit facing North. I have my chair faced directly North. I know this because I checked with a compass sjskkdfj but sometimes I see the Moon rising and setting on my left, on my right. In front of me, whenever. I like knowing which direction to look at when I look up from my writing and see the Moon.

This isn’t an ‘everybody have the same view’ thing obviously, like if you live in an urban jungle and do not have space to Moon watch, that’s very possible that you won’t see the Moon pass overhead most of the time. Buildings can often obscure our vision, so we don’t have access to see the Moon at all hours. So how do we know what phase/position the Moon is in?

So, I usually identify them by tracking their path across the sky? You can see that certain Moon travels, right now it’s a Waxing Gibbous at 12.52pm and it’s on my West. The Waxing Gibbous rises at 3pm, peaked at 9pm and sets at 3am. So it’s just about to set, or getting ready to - in a few hours.

If you combine what we’ve learnt together -- such as the moonrise and moonset, the moon phases. You can generally make a pretty good guess on what is happening and what position the Moon is in.

Let’s say hm, I don’t know the Moon phase. But I do know it’s 6pm and the Moon in front of me is North right now.

Let me draw a diagram:

So its a little crappy but here. We have the Sun, when it’s facing the earth we have daylight. And the middle of the daylight is 12PM. On the otherside, when we’re not facing the Sun we’re in darkness. And in the middle of the night is 12AM. The position of the Sun relative to the Earth -- When it’s smack in the middle of the sky is 12PM - 12AM.

So. I don’t know the Moon Phase but I DO know that it’s 6PM right now. And i DO know that the Moon is directly South of me. I can see it in the sky.

So that’s the first Quarter Moon. How did I get the Moon Phases? Well it’s relative to the Sun and the Earth/what we see right?

Here we have, New Moon: One face is directly in the Sun. The surface facing the earth is in darkness. That’s what we see. The New Moon. Void of Darkness.

The Full Moon, one face is directly on the Sun. And coincidentally that is ALSO the face we see. It rises and sets with the Sun. Thus, it peaks at 12AM/on the night side.

So. It’s 6PM, and our view of the Moon looking down (think cross-section) would be half illuminated and half in the dark. It’s a quarter moon. But which quarter moon is it?

The easiest way is to think about the natal chart, and because it literally is a picture of where the moon is relative to the Sun’s position (from earthbound pov)

So when I drew THIS diagram (the one above)-- the Moon is 90′ from my Sun. But it’s moving TOWARDS Peak Boy aka. Full Moon. We’re moving into darkness, not the other way around (we can’t move back towards 12PM can we?) So that means this is a First Quarter Moon. Does that make sense?

Another, more roundabout way to think about it is to consider: the Last Quarter Moon sets at 1-2pm. So technically, since we’re at 6pm. It’s already set. This can’t be the Last Quarter Moon. Thus, it’s the first quarter moon. We can track it with a diagram, just depends on what you want to think.

Drawing a diagram like this is like. A life saver. All you need to have is 2/3 information (i.e. moon phase, what time is it, or where it’s located in relation to North-East-South-West) to be able to figure out, or have a good guess, at what’s happening in the sky!!

Time, Moon Phase, Location in the Sky?

Now we’re gonna get a little into the nitty gritty.

So say okay I’m outside. I’m in the middle of the sea. And I don’t know what the time is right now. But I can see the Moon. What do I do?

I need two things, what phase of the moon do I see above? It’s a Waning Crescent/Balsamic Moon. And it seems to be rising towards the East right now

Here’s a little diagram to help understand the Waning Crescent (based on it’s time schedule)

So if this is a Waning Crescent, when I see it in the East it would be during day-time, probably around 6AM-9AM. The Waning Crescent rises at 3AM - which is still dark, I can see it travel across the sky as it lifts up higher and higher.

I know peaks at 9AM and then sets at 3PM. By then, it would be making it’s way down, setting around 3PM which means the Sun is high in the sky by now. The Sun’s already reached IT’S peak at 12PM, so by 3PM it would be on it’s way towards the West as the Moonsets.

Does this help?? With like, navigating??

How do I know which direction is East and West? Well it’s usually relative to where you’re positioned as well. So check your compass, but also you can say the position in the sky seems to be ‘rising towards [[N-E-S-W]]’ or ‘peaked at . [[N-E-S-W]] or ‘sets at [[N-E-S-W]]

The Sun rises at East - where ‘East’ is positioned right now is at around 6AM (where the night turns into day see? because the Sun don’t move, but we do orbit around the Sun). Thus it goes in one direction (counter-clockwise) and if I know which direction I’m facing-- I can attune that in as well.

So say -- maybe I DON’T know what direction I’m SUPPOSED to be facing. But I DO know that there’s a -- Full Moon at 3AM my time today. How do I catch it/which direction should I make sure I have a clear line of sight of?

So here’s the Full Moon at 3AM. I positioned it here because if it was 12AM (at it’s Peak) It would be directly in the middle of the Earth and Sun. Since we’re viewing at the Full View.

The Moon here is about the set- we know this because we know the full moon rises as the sunset and sets as the sunrise. Also remember that the Full Moon is a Sun-Moon opposition. Meaning that if it’s about to set - then it’s going into the West.

The Sun rises in the East. So in this example, as the Moon moves counter-clockwise (forward) towards the day-part of the diagram -- the Sun would be rising on the opposite side to it.

I hope this makes sense!! ;; 💕❤️ I’ll link the resources for this below so you can check it out!! 💕❤️

Anyways!! 💕❤️ That’s it for part 3 of the Moon Phases series. I hope you enjoy 💕❤️💕❤️ Next time, we’ll go back and talk about the Full Moon + Waning Phases in astrology. I just thought this might be nifty to know and learn if you’re interested in the Moon and how to recognize it in the sky! 💕❤️I hope you had fun!! 💕❤️

Sources/Resources:

https://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Whether-the-Moon-Is-Waxing-or-Waning

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunar_phase

youtube

There! 💕❤️ This video is really great!! 💕❤️

#moon phases #astronomy #astrology #moon phases astrology #new moon #full moon #waxing gibbous #waning gibbous #waxing crescent #waning crescent #first quarter moon #last quarter moon

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years ago

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Post #1 - Welcome

Firstly, welcome. Whether you’re family, a friend or even somebody I don’t know - welcome to what will be my journey. I’ll be honest and upfront about what’s going on and I’m not afraid to express my deepest feelings.

Will this blog be everybody’s cup of tea? Absolutely not. I’ll give you the heads up now - this will be boring. This will lead down some dark and negative paths (don’t stress, it’ll be mostly positive!). I do feel however that I need to express myself this way and explore my emotions as they clash with what is going on. Sit back, relax and come with me in what will be some light slightly heavy reading.

Where does one start with such a blog? Let me preface this by saying once all is said and done, I will never complain about anything trivial again. Ever. The past six weeks has been an emotional roller coaster - not only on myself but those close to me. I wouldn’t wish this upon anybody I know and I don’t say that lightly!

Where am I at now? Monash Hospital - Clayton. Over the past six weeks, I’ve spent 26 days in hospital across three different stints. It’s currently 22:49 on Monday 15th July and I’m about to endure what will be the most confronting couple of days I’ve experienced in my life... but let’s roll it back a few weeks and fill you in.

What’s wrong? Where and how did it all it begin? Let’s touch over a few things...

Sunday June 2nd - It all started with an immense eye pain one Sunday afternoon. I’d stayed up late into the night to watch Australia’s first Cricket World Cup clash with Afghanistan. Getting to bed at roughly 3am Sunday morning and waking up normally by 10am, I thought this particular Sunday was going to be a stock standard one. I stayed over at my partner Courtney’s house and we went to watch her nephew play football. 4pm rolled around on Sunday and I thought I was suffering from what I thought was a simple case of eye strain - a deep, immense pain in my left eye. After all, my mum, dad and sister all have glasses so I assumed my time was up!

Courtney booked me an appointment at the optometrist for the following weekend and I kept on in my evening assuming this eye pain would settle with some rest.

Monday June 3rd - Waking up Monday morning, the pain was still there. Had it gotten slightly better? Not at all. I continued on my Monday as normal with an incredibly busy day at work and headed around to Courtney’s for the weekly ‘Monday night roast’ courtesy of her mother. Knowing I had a rostered day off on Tuesday, I knew I could sleep in, relax, take it easy and my eye would eventually get better - surely! It has to!

Tuesday June 4th - With the day off, no alarms set I was woken up at 8:30am with the call I was least expecting. My mum was in tears as she somehow bravely blurted that my grandfather had passed away that morning. Poppy was ill and attempting to recover from a recent hip operation he had after a fall - we all thought he’d fight through it and keep battling but unfortunately his time was up and nanny had called him to join her. A man I was so close with, a fighter had suddenly left us. I was in shock, but raced to pick mum up from work. We made the decision to join my family in Bairnsdale - 3 hours away from where I live. Mum and I shared the driving there, no worries in the world. My eye pain was still there - Worse than it had been, but that was secondary this day. I could still see perfectly normal still assuming it was just eye strain.

Wednesday June 5th - As soon as I woke up, I knew something wasn’t right with my left eye. The pain had slightly subsided however my vision just wasn’t right. I can’t explain what I felt that morning. My left eye was still moving as it should however the vision just wasn’t right. I chose to close my left eyelid and primarily look through my right. It was at this moment I just knew it wasn’t an eye strain - it was something worse.

Mum went down the street that morning and I tagged along. Fortunately, Specsavers (Bairnsdale’s local optometrist) was open and they could squeeze me in for an eye check. I knew I had to rule that out before attending a hospital.

Not to my surprise, my vision was 20/20 out of each eye as it had been for my life. The optometrist suggested if I’m having issues, to head to the local hospital - so that I did.

Rolling on into Bairnsdale Regional Hospital at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon wasn’t exactly on my schedule when heading down to Bairnsdale originally, but that’s what it had come to. The triage nurse saw me immediately and rushed me through to be seen (within 30 minutes and a waiting room full of patients!) The doctor - who was only in his second year out of uni was quick to assess that I was having issues with my third nerve (something that wouldn’t be mentioned again for a couple of days). In consultation with the Eye and Ear Hospital in Melbourne, it was recommended I leave Bairnsdale immediately and go and present myself to them - a 4 hour drive. With other matters on my mind, I was hesitant to go. My family basically pushed me out the door and it was at that moment that I knew I had to go.

9pm I walk in the entrance to a ridiculously busy waiting room. I present myself to triage and they pull the papers they had from earlier in the day. I thought this may mean I’d get through a bit quicker - boy oh boy I was wrong! Fortunately, State of Origin I was on and that entertained me until 10:30... and from there it was a genuine slog. 11:45pm I walked through the sliding doors and was met by who I can best describe as an overenthusiastic young(ish) Pom who was keen to have a look at me. It was late. I was tired. This bloke was over the top, but my word did he know his stuff! Did that help him diagnose me? No. 2am came around and he sent me home, telling me to expect a call at 9am with plans on what to do next.

Thursday June 6th - Just to his word, a phone call comes in at 9am from the doctor I’d seen only seven hours earlier. He advised I needed a CT scan (at 1pm) and an appointment with a specialist (3pm). The CT scan went well and I assumed I’d be out by 4pm and be able to head to the Sandown Greyhounds for the night as I’d been busy organising a night out over the weeks prior. This all changed when we saw the specialist. She ran her basic tests and ordered an MRI scan ASAP. I got taken over to St. Vincent’s Private Hospital for the scans via an underground tunnel - yes! They exist! My very first MRI scan was done and back to the Eye and Ear Hospital we went. The specialist that I’d seen earlier in the day was rostered on that night in emergency fortunately for me! She got the scan results back and ruled out a stroke and bleeding on my brain pretty early. This was a relief, I suppose. I wasn’t going to die in the short term! It was from here where she advised i’d be required to be admitted to St. Vincent’s Hospital that night for further tests over the next few days. It was at this point where I felt helpless. Disappointed and helpless. I was expecting to have a few tests done and go home and continue my life as per normal. I didn’t want to be admitted to a hospital so far away from home. I didn’t want to wait around for tests. I wanted to be home. In my bed. Some normality at least. This is where my mindset had to change and that it did - pretty quickly.

Dad walked with me over to St. Vincent’s and we entered the emergency department. We were told “you won’t have to wait long... they are already expecting you.” Well, once again, what was I thinking? A city central hospital with no waiting in emergency? In retrospect, I was definitely getting my hopes up.

A solid 3 hour wait finally saw me enter through the doors and be seen to. This is where dad left me - for the first time in this ordeal I was alone. Was I scared? I won’t lie. Yes, yes I was. At 24 years old, no idea what’s wrong with me and alone in a major hospital in the city? I think that’s justified.

How’s the eye at this stage? Terrible. In the prior 24 hours I’d developed double vision and my left eye had significantly moved with no ability to control it - as you can see below.

Friday June 7th - 4am I was finally taken to a ward and had a bed to myself. It was on the 9th floor in the ward that generally deals with major bone breaks and reconstructions/replacements. I was wheeled into a twin-share room with an old guy who had just had his hip replaced. In retrospect, I had such a good room in what turned out to be an incredible hospital. The food was excellent, the nurses went above and beyond to make sure you were comfortable and as happy as you can be and in the end, I had a great view of Melbourne.

10am came by and I saw the first of what felt like 100 doctors that day. They were pretty quick to diagnose me with Third Nerve Palsy in my left eye - something I hadn’t heard since I first presented in Bairnsdale two days prior.

Unfortunately, being a part of the neuro team of doctors - things didn’t happen too quickly. Just my luck too, this upcoming weekend was the Queens Birthday long weekend. I didn’t realise or even think that hospitals go on skeleton staff over the weekends and scans don’t get done very quickly... I wasn’t booked in for a follow up CT and MRI scan until Tuesday...

Monday June 10th - I’m not going to lie. Mentally I was struggling. Presented to a hospital on Thursday night/Friday morning for what was Third Nerve Palsy and they just left me there over the weekend. No follow ups. No nothing. I didn’t realise how much hospitals shut down over weekends - I certainly do now! I was a mess. I felt lost. I didn’t know what was going on or even why for that matter. My eye was doing something it had never done and I couldn’t control it. I felt helpless and lonely.

Courtney was just getting over a serious case of the flu, so I hadn’t seen her in over a week and it was killing me.

I broke down Monday night after I’d calmed down from what was a good win by my Pies. 8pm came around, visitors were gone and I was there by myself. No clear plan about what was wrong with me or how they were going to fix it. I was an emotional mess.

Tuesday June 11th - Finally. The long weekend was over and didn’t I notice the difference. 7am and the hospital was a hive of activity. My CT and MRI scans were booked in for later that day as well as what will turn out to be my first of many lumbar punctures (LP) - something that scared the life out of me. Mentally, 24 hours later I was doing okay. I could see things progressing...but one thing was playing on my mind. Poppy’s funeral was on Friday and I knew within myself I had to be there to say my final goodbye. I let the nurses and doctors know and they seemed to be okay with letting me out on day leave - however logistically that left an issue. 4 hour drive with an 11am funeral wasn’t going to be possible.

Wednesday June 12th - At this stage, my eye hadn’t got any worse. It was just the third nerve affected and otherwise, I was perfectly fine. The results of my scans and LP came back which showed inflammation on my third nerve (which was expected) as well as a high white blood cell and protein count. This lead the doctors to believe it was due to either inflammation or infection. The doctors pretty quickly leant away from infection as I wasn’t presenting with any other signs so they treated me with an incredibly high dosage of a steroid called methylprednisolone to treat the inflammation.

IV drip for the first lot on Wednesday night and 10x 100mg tablets on each Thursday and Friday.

Thursday June 13th - The doctors agreed to let me out Thursday afternoon providing I had no further reactions to the methylprednisolone. Turns out I didn’t, so they fortunately let me out at 3pm to do what I needed to over the following few days. They were happy not to see me again unless of course things progressed and got worse and organised a follow up scan in two months time. At this stage, the diagnosis was Third Nerve Palsy due to inflammation of the nerve that was treated via steroids and may get better over the following weeks or months - or may not get better at all.

Friday June 14th - Sunday June 16th - Whilst Friday was a heavily emotional day saying my final farewell to Poppy, physically I got through it okay and had no further issues. This was my life now - whether I liked it or not. Deep down I had confidence it would get better in time and I’d have to see St. Vincent’s every few weeks to check up and I was okay with that.

Monday June 17th - I wake up Monday morning at home incredibly sick. What was wrong with me? I didn’t sleep during the night and was having hot and cold flushes, dizzy spells, hallucinations, no appetite and had absolutely no idea where I was. It was the flu, without having the flu or feeling sick. It was such a strange feeling. I started to develop an immense pain in my right jaw - incredibly similar to my eye. I started to worry - instantly. I called the doctor who was looking after me at St. Vincent’s and he wasn’t worried about it. He advised me to go to my GP and just get an X-ray to make sure everything is okay.

Deep down, I knew something was wrong but didn’t know what. I suspected the sickness was the come down from such a high dosage of steroids (which was later confirmed) but this jaw pain felt all too similar and I was scared.

Needless to say, I didn’t go to the GP or get an X-ray purely because I didn’t want another round of doctors looking at me, wasting the prior time at St. Vincent’s.

This continued through Tuesday and Wednesday. Exactly the same symptoms... I got further worried.

Thursday June 20th - Mum was on my back about going to my GP. I was resentful, but booked an appointment for 4pm to get checked out. I was still a mess, but better than I had been. Dad took me to my GP appointment and came in with me. By this stage, I couldn’t chew. I’d lost all strength completely in my jaw - both right and left side. My regular doctor took one look at me, checked my files she got from St. Vincent’s that morning and advised that I needed to head back into hospital - be it St. Vincent’s or Monash Hospital Clayton. She recommended Monash Clayton for two reasons; 1. Closer to home & 2. Well renown Neuro doctors.

I was hesitant, but knew I had to. I was more open to going than I had been a fortnight prior and was happy to be in for the long haul. Mentally, I was in a good spot. I knew something more was wrong and it wasn’t just inflammation. Alas, in I went. Straight to Emergency Department at Monash Clayton.

Friday June 21st - To cut a long story short, to get a bed at Monash Clayton was horrible! I spent a few hours in emergency, followed by 5 hours in short stay and eventually 24 hours in a day ward before I was moved onto a general medical ward. Friday was spent in the day ward with Neuro doctors coming back and forth obsessing over my eye and jaw issues.

I’d bloody done it again. Gone into hospital late on a Thursday... this time I knew not much would happen over the weekend and I was prepared for that.

Monday June 24th - As expected, not a whole lot happened over the weekend. I got moved to a general medical ward and that was it.

Monday afternoon finally brought some news once the Neuro team had looked at me properly. I’d lost my third nerve (which we already knew) and my fifth nerve (jaw) was also shot and gone. Great. I couldn’t eat. I was put on what was called a ‘minced and moist diet’ which can only be described as an unknown meat, minced with gravy with a few unknown vegetables on the side (see below). It was horrible. I didn’t have much of an appetite however what I did have was quickly swept away with the sight of this food.

Over the next few days, more CT, MRI, Ultrasounds and LP’s were done. Blood tests twice daily. I was quite frankly getting sick and tired of getting poked, prodded and scanned only for the Neuro doctors to come in once (maybe twice) a day to tell me there’s no real update and they needed to wait for tests to come back.

Thursday 27th June - During the week, things had progressively gotten worse. I’d lost my sixth nerve in my left eye as well as feeling in my chin (just below my mouth) and started to develop quite a large, painful lump underneath my right earlobe.

Doctors were then forced to act fast. They’d suspected I was suffering from either a virus that hadn’t made itself too known and was attacking my nerves or an auto immune disease that was forcing my white blood cells to attack my own nerves, picking them off one by one.

They did some more tests and sent them to both Brisbane and Canberra to be looked at as Monash Clayton or anywhere in Melbourne couldn’t get the results they wanted.

Immediately, they started to treat me for both of these conditions simultaneously. I was having an anti-viral drip 3x/day every 8 hours for the virus as well as what was called IVIG (derived from blood) to fight the auto immune disease and kill off my bad white blood cells.

I was scared. Every day I was getting worse and I suppose I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. I probably felt most for my direct family and Courtney who all had no answers despite all the tests and scans I’d done previously. They were left in the dark - as was I. 22 days it had been since I felt some sort of normality and it was killing me. The fact they had no answers was slowly eating away at me, but I put on a smile and a positive attitude as I always do. They’ll find something soon. They have to. It’ll come back positive for auto-immune, I’ll get treated and away we go back to normality. I was wrong.

Friday July 5th - This treatment cycle went on for the next week or so. The doctors were happy I wasn’t getting worse, my sixth nerve had slightly returned so they were happy to let me go home. 15 days in hospital this spell. It didn’t feel like 15 days though, not to me anyway. I think that’s probably because of the positive mindset and willingness to stay in until they found what was wrong with me. I’d started to develop muscle aches and pains in my left leg but I thought nothing of it - assuming that was just because I’d been in hospital and confined to a 3x3 room for 15 days!

I’d had a full body MRI scan and ultrasound on my leg the day earlier and they saw something around my stomach they wanted to investigate a little bit further. Before they let me out, we agreed to have a follow up MRI in two or three weeks as well as a PET scan within the next week and a bit to investigate my stomach a bit more. I was happy, the doctors were happy and away I went. Back into the world they call life. I was happy.

Monday July 8th - After spending a relaxing weekend between home and Courtney’s, I had an unexpected call at 1pm. It was a woman from Moorabbin Hospital wanting to urgently book me in for a PET scan and was wondering when I was available. She advised she only really had the following day at 2:30pm available for the next three weeks and advised I need to be there. So I took it. I had no bloody idea what a PET scan was, so as any 24 year old would do, I gave it a Google.

“A positron emission tomography (PET) scan is an imaging test that allows your doctor to check for diseases in your body....”

My heart sunk as I read a bit more. PET scans are generally used to pick up cancers. Wait. What? Why do the doctors want to do this so urgently? They were talking over the next week and a half, so why are they doing it now? My gut feeling wasn’t good. I knew something deeper was wrong but I brushed it aside - my condition despite being unconfirmed was in my mind, still auto-immune.

Tuesday July 9th - I’d never had a PET scan before but I did a YouTube search so I knew what to expect. It was like a CT scan pretty much. They inject the radioactive glucose into you, wait an hour so your body can absorb it and have a scan. Simple.

For the first time in this whole ordeal, something went exactly as I expected it. It was an easy process made easier by the wonderful nurses in there. My PET scan went well and I was happy. I was convinced nothing would show but still had that deep feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right.

I had a call that night and booked myself in for a follow up MRI at Monash Clayton for the following day - once again a few weeks earlier than expected. The woman on the phone said the doctors wanted to rush it through and once again, my gut sank. Something just wasn’t right. Why are the doctors pushing through these scans when we’d only discussed 4 days earlier about having them in a few weeks. Whatever. I’ll go. I have to. I just want to know what’s wrong with me!

Thursday July 18th - 16:32. An unknown number calls. This is how I’ve been getting my scans booked. Is it another one? “Is that Justin?” the gentleman on the other end of the line goes.

“It’s Jason from the haematology department at Monash Clayton. I’m not sure if your Neuro doctors have called you yet, but I’ve just had a look at your PET scan from Tuesday with them. We can see significant areas in your stomach, liver, gall bladder and groin that has lit up which we weren’t expecting. It’s your lymphnodes that have reacted with the glucose and are showing us we need to investigate a bit more. We’ll need to get you in for another LP and we’re going to have to do a biopsy of those lymphnodes to get more of an idea. At this stage, we’re looking at lymphoma as a genuine cause of what’s wrong with you...”

I tune out. I’m still processing his first few sentences. What? You mean they’ve found something that isn’t related to the nerves in my eye? Lymphoma? Isn’t that cancer? I might have a type of cancer? But I’m 24? That can’t be right.

I finish the conversation with him and hang up the phone. I was home with mum and the time. She looks at me and asked what the phone call was about. I break down. I cry. I don’t know how to process the news. I’m a mess for a solid 15 minutes. I eventually get strong enough to tell mum. She breaks down as well. It must’ve been incredibly difficult to hear your 24 year old son may have lymphoma. I call dad and let him know....and Courtney. Other than that, I keep it on the downlow. I don’t want to get ahead of myself. What if it is nothing?

Jason calls back later that night. Pretty much says I have an appointment on Monday for another LP and they want to do the biopsy ASAP. He said not to go to ED at Monash Clayton and just to expect a call at any moment between then and Monday that they have a bed for me. When I get the call, I had to go in. I was okay with this. It wasn’t going to happen for a few days!

Sunday July 14th - Court and I went down to dads for the lunch and catch up with his wife and her kids. It was a great day to forget about the reality of life for a few hours. That was until we went to Coles to get stuff for lunch and I had a missed call from a private number. Without listening to the voicemail, I knew what it was. My gut dropped. I told Courtney and we listened to the voicemail together.

“Hi Justin, we’re just letting you know a bed is available and if you could come into the ward ASAP.”

I’m okay with it. I knew it was coming... then a few minutes later I broke down in the middle of Coles. What hit me? I don’t know. Reality I suppose. I didn’t want to go back in. I knew I had to. I knew this trip was going to be about whether or not I have lymphoma - a type of a cancer. I was scared. I grabbed Courtney’s shoulder and just cried. Cried for a solid 5 minutes. I couldn’t control myself. It just hit me.

I thought I’d wait until they called back instead of making that call to enquire further to bide myself an extra hour or two. Half an hour later, they call and I answer. I was able to arrange an extra four hours until I had to be in there. This gave me enough time to get home, pack a bag and mentally prepare myself to head in.

By 5pm that night, I was in a bed with the lumbar puncture booked for the following day at 2:30pm.

Monday July 16th (Today) - I’m not afraid to say I hate LP’s. Being larger than your average 24 year old, they can’t do the blind and require them under CT guidance. It makes the process easier, but it certainly doesn’t feel as pleasant!

I saw the haematology doctor at 11:30 this morning. He was open and honest with me. Which I appreciated. He basically said up front “We’re 90% sure you have lymphoma. All we are waiting on is the biopsy to come back positive and we can start treatment...which will be chemo...”

That’s about all I took out of the conversation. It hit me. Not hard that I’d cry, but the reality hit me hard. Here I am, apart from overweight, I’m a normal otherwise healthy 24 year old. In the space of six weeks, I’ve developed symptoms I don’t wish upon anybody and getting told the doctors are 90% certain I have lymphoma.

I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy to be where I am at the moment. It’s a funny time in my life. I’m being as positive as I can however I know I’m about to face the biggest battle of my life. In a way, I really hope the biopsy does come back positive - just so we finally have something. Confirmation on something and can start treatment pretty much instantly.

With my biopsy scheduled for between 8:30 - 11:30 tomorrow, I’m not going to lie, i’m shitting myself. Sedate me. Put a camera down my mouth to my stomach. Take tissue samples of my lymphnodes. Sounds like a great Tuesday morning to me. For once in my life I think I’d prefer to be at work!

Realistically, I’m expecting the results back from the biopsy in 24-36 hours from tomorrow morning and expect if confirmed to be lymphoma, to begin my chemo treatment late this week.

As I said earlier, it’s going to be the biggest fight of my life...But I’m ready. I’m not prepared to fail, I never have been. I will beat whatever is wrong with me.

If you’ve made it this far, kudos. It’s now 1:32am and I’m starting to get the tired eyes. As I started, I feel as if I had to start this blog to move forward mentally. Whilst this will be my longest entry I’ll have, it certainly won’t be my last. I assure you of that.

Wish my luck for tomorrow!

Juzz xx

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