#the dark artifices meta

[inyujidraws]

2nd | 3rd

Creon got yeeted into 1st millenium BC and eventually up becomes friends with Lucifer & Lilith. Lucifer makes Creon his first ever paladin for her task of hunting down dark artifacts and grimoires.

Thanx everyone who came to the streams. Twitch streams every Saturday

For nearly 2 millennia, Creon hoped of reaching her actual future time of 2085 or at least make sure her corpse won’t be dug up and kick-start an early bio-weapon war. During those years she has accumulated knowledge, learning more languages, picking up trades and practices, and expanding her culinary expertise. She fully honed her meta-mutant abilities.

Eventually she was caught by some magicians who were planning to summon the devil. They trapped her with magic and used innocent hostages to force her compliance. The summoning backfired and killed summoners, including the hostages, sadly.

Lucifer was really shocked when he first saw Creon and almost confused her for a demon. He helped heal Creon and Creon simply explained the situation she got caught in. Creon makes a deal with Lucifer to make sure her body would be wiped from existence once she died. In return, she hunts down all demonic artifacts and grimoires for disposal. Lucifer has gotten tired of a$$hole humans summoning him for power or other evil business.

Creon also felt sorry for Lucifer and used occasional summoning as an excuse to let him see more of Earth and the good in humanity, and just hang out.

Lilith will be suspicious of Lucifer’s recent deal and how this “human” is putting him in more good moods. She decides to confront Creon through Lucifer’s connection, only to end up befriending Creon as well. Creon will find ways to summon both Lucifer and Lilith to Earth for visits and just to hang out.

When Creon had troubles with facing some witches, Lucifer assigned Paimon to teach Creon magic. Paimon found the task demeaning and below his station and was a condescending ba$tard. Creon didn’t want to insult Lucifer’s choice in tutors since Paimon was a trusted advisor and magic practitioner. Still she asked for a different tutor, and Paimon threw one of his least impressive sons into the proverbial fire. Paimon will regret this decision in the future.

Cyrus is weakest in magic strength, but his intellect is well known. Paimon believed him to be a good pawn to sacrifice. Both Cyrus and Creon became friends and helped each other grow. While Creon won’t be powerful in magic, she can detect, read, and intercept spells and rituals. She mastered a few favored spells but that's it. It’s given her a leg-up when facing ego-maniacal witches who expect a meat-headed barbarian.

Cyrus benefited the most since Creon has shared stories and ideas from pop culture and media from the early 2000s and her time. Cyrus gained enough knowledge to work around his weak magic and eventually become a powerful artificer and spell-crafter on his own merit. He will become crucial in the developing of Hell in the future.

Lucifer and Lilith will witness a lot of good and bad on Earth, and the wonders and progress of ingenuity and innovation. Creon’s unyielding loyalty and focus on her task will endear her to them more. Lucifer will officially make Creon his first ever paladin (an inside joke about the Christian religion that was dominant during the Medieval ages). With time, the escapades and feats of the Devil’s Paladin will be infamous in Hell.

On down times Creon will tell stories of her life from her future time and during the past millennia and sharing ideas of what to expect in the future. She’ll listen to their problems and offer whatever input and advice she can. She’s witnessed and experienced a lot in the past millennia. Enough time for her to work through her own past traumas and accepting her new life as an almost ageless immortal. Creon was merely existing and wasting time while hoping that her existence doesn’t break the timeline.

Now she’s grateful for the end goal, a purpose to work towards, and she’s made friends that she can be truly honest with. She has always felt like “other” compared to everyone in the past millennia. She can look forward to an afterlife with friends who accept ALL of her.

I’m debating if her task takes more than a century or if she finally dies in the early 1800s. She is globe-trotting wiping out evil magicians, but she still goes out of her way to help people that desperately need aid. She’s also harassed by occasional angels that try to “save” her by offering an out from the “Devil’s Deal.” The fact that Creon is cleansing evil artifacts from Earth doesn’t even factor in their minds, because a mortal dealing with the Devil is instant bad news.

To the end of her task and being on death’s door, Creon vehemently rejected Heaven’s offer to switch. She finally faced death willingly and happily to start a new afterlife with friends who are waiting for her.

[charaznablescanontoyota]

for the tarot ask game -

Temperance — Who do you rely on for design advice? OR What is your approach to incorporating feedback?

The Star — Talk about a game you’re working on and what excites you about it.

What is your approach to incorporating feedback?

i'm very choosy about what i incorporate and what i don't!! a lot of my big edits to my own games have been made directly because of playtesting them myself and feeling out what the strain points are, but i also like sharing my drafts as i'm working on them and getting friends' opinions on whether i can push something farther. and i've gotten a LOT of good feedback/edits that way! but also if the advice i get doesn't match what i'm trying to go for i'm not gonna incorporate it lmao, i am very conscious of "advice that makes a game better" vs "advice that makes a game a different game that someone would want to play more"

Talk about a game you’re working on and what excites you about it.

my current ongoing project is METAFICTION, an interstitial 2e hack where playbooks are split into "fiction", characters who are a part of a story without knowing they're fictional, and "meta", characters who are aware of the artifice of the story in some regard. also it's a death game. it's the most batshit powerplay-y game i've written so far and that is a huge part of what excites me about it, almost every single playbook move lets you take a huge swing or affect the story in a big personal way. also it synthesizes a lot of elements from other stories that i love like princess tutu, scoob and shag, the dark tower, umineko, rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead, etc etc etc

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

Canon Polycule Showdown

(vote for your favorite! check the description if you don't know them)

[ID: 1. Art of Kieran, Cristina and Mark from The Dark Artifices. 2. A picture of Sofiane, Victor and Luisa from Mortel /end ID]

Meet the contestants!

Kieran/Cristina/Mark

Status: Canon

Description: Starts off with Cristina falling for Mark while he's already dating Kieran, turning into a love triangle. Kieran and Mark fell in love while part of the Wild Hunt but eventually broke it off when Kieran accidentally betrayed Mark. Cristina becomes friends with Kieran, and the two of them fall in love, soon all three of them get together in a polyamorous relationship. Kieran became king and couldn’t have any mortal consorts while living in Faerie so they’re bending the rules and live together in a little cottage that is neither on mortal nor fey land. 

Sofiane/Victor/Luisa (Mortel)

Status: Implied

Description: Luisa and Victor are in a canon relationship, Sofiane is very very cool with being their third wheel. They are shown being incredibly intimate and tender with each other throughout the series, especially by the end. In a meta context, Sofiane's relationship with another character ends as he gets closer to Luisa and Victor. 

[thesinglesjukebox]

YOASOBI - "IDOL"

Not a Jocelyn cover -- though there are parallels...

[7.79]

Ryo Miyauchi: You can call "idols," in particular the human exchanges and the parasocial relationships built around them, a lot of things. Using the words of Ai Hoshina from the manga-turned-anime Oshi no Ko, Ayase and Ikuta Lilas call it a lie. A performance would have neutralized, artifice would have made the critique more academic, and maybe fake would have softened the blow. A lie digs deep because it implies that I, the fan, am partly complicit in believing what I'm convinced to be true, whether or not I am aware of being sold to. And YOASOBI say the quiet parts fucking loud, starting from the most bombastic production they've made: a monstrous blast of brass, a blinding flash of synths, a trap-pop breakdown, and a gothic choir singing "you're my savior, you're my saving grace." But as "IDOL" places the onus also on the idol herself for knowingly selling a lie to her beloved fans, how could anyone resist buying into the spectacle? Ikuta embodies the superhuman ability of Ai Hoshina via her vocal performance: not only does she seamlessly maneuver through the trickiest melodies and a demanding production, she inspires in us the feeling that we can recreate the magic, too, as evident from the countless TikTok dance snippets and YouTube vocal covers uploaded this year. She fakes it until she makes it, fabricating her value before her reputation catches up to the level of work put in. But she also convinces herself this is how to love until her little fib starts to feel true. In a macabre, perfectly meta way, it's the idol's own dying words that give the song its most validating, emotionally moving moment, as she finally speaks her love into actual being: "I, I said it at last/I know it's not a lie as I'm voicing these words/I love you." I, for one, know all this is a lie, though it doesn't make the feelings any less real. [10]

Crystal Leww: Structurally and sonically, "IDOL" borrows elements that I associate with the two major, somewhat external-facing Asian pop music scenes -- the racing feeling and sweet vocal of J-pop and the cut-and-paste nature, especially second-verse half-time rap, of K-pop. It's been fun to observe this cross over into both -- on TikTok you can see not only J-pop idols covering the dance but a big contingent of K-pop idols doing the same. Ironically, all these idols are doing the little dance with a smile to a song about the dark side of the idol industry, which I guess is something that all idols from all countries can agree on after all. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There's too much going on here! Which, frankly, I love. Every single second of "Idol" feels stuffed to the gills with sonic ideas, burning through riffs and hooks like they've got an infinite supply. Some of it is more familiar to YOASOBI's earlier work (those mathy guitar-synth-piano passages, some of the more bombastic orchestral touches), while other parts feel more novel (those cadences on the verses call to mind J.I.D and Ski Mask; the "Heys" at the end are so very Mustard-coded; someone please tell me where those choral touches are drawn from). But it all comes together mostly by virtue of the raw power of juxtaposition. If you slowed this down and tried to dissect the individual parts of "Idol" I'm not sure it would all hang together, but why would you want to do that? The sick thrill of "Idol" -- both in sound and in lyrical message -- is in the rush and overwhelm of Big Pop Moments TM, of the joy of each individual detail as it wears you down in turn. [8]

Dorian Sinclair: Ayase is a hell of a writer and producer, and on "IDOL" he makes something that feels new for Yoasobi, even if he falls back on a few of his favourite tricks (that busy keyboard line does not feel meaningfully different from the one in "Yoru ni Kakeru" or a half-dozen songs since, even if there's a lot more around it to distract you). But if there was any doubt that Lilas Ikuta is as essential, "IDOL" should conclusively lay that to rest. It's two, or even three, unrelated songs that have been glued together, asking completely different things from the singer and doing little to ease the transition between sections. She navigates the transitions effortlessly, skipping between registers and delivery styles and making the whole thing cohere with her performance. The song's about a fictional character, but it's Ikuta's coronation. [9]

Taylor Alatorre: "IDOL" serves as an interesting companion piece to another viral Japanese smash of 2023, "INTERNET YAMERO" from the game Needy Streamer Overload. Both tread similar thematic ground: the tyranny of the public image, the codependency of entertainer and audience, the desperate search for a "savior" or "angel" in the wreckage of a mediated age. The latter, however, due to its origin in an indie visual novel, is able to shed all concerns of good taste and indulge its most ear-piercing denpa fantasies, of the kind that would be unbecoming for the theme to a Doga Kobo anime. The constraints placed upon "IDOL"'s composition may be necessary, and even beneficial to the franchise as a whole, but they are palpable throughout. It stretches against its need to serve as both a credible idol song and as a fashionably cynical take on idols, and as a portent of dark events to come -- a tough mandate indeed. Even with all of its trap interludes, wotagei chanting, and Square Enix gospel choirs, Oshi no Ko's theme ends up sounding not all that different than any random OP on the MyAnimeList top 200. Which is to say, it still pretty much bangs. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: Blurbing Stray Kids' "LALALALA" last month, I wrote: "I'm a complete mark for any pop song that sounds like its true spiritual home is on a Warcraft soundtrack." Nothing has changed, nor will it. Other things I'm a complete mark for: orchestra hits, key changes, faux harpsichord. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The half-time, militaristic reprise of the intro sequence got a chuckle out of me, as did the swiftness with which it abandons the idea. I've heard countless songs that have given me constant sonic whiplash, but "IDOL" is the rare one where you can envision that everyone involved was full-on grinning, excited to see what they could get away with. [6]

Brad Shoup: The audacity! My favorite bit is Ikura's swiping the "HUMBLE." flow for funsies: just one tool furiously, cartoonishly tossed out of YOASOBI's bag. It's like watching someone solve a Rubik's Cube while setting off a series of controlled demolitions. [9]

Nortey Dowuona: The hammering of the rap parts is so deafening; the rapping, filtered and compressed to the nth degree, has to be left alone to capture your attention. The piano line emerges at the pre-chorus but is quickly squashed by the drum programming that lightens the farther it stretches away from rap, leaving the voice to settle into the song instead of battling the synth horns stolen off a Southside beat from 2014. The theme rewards you with a brief piano line and the overly processed voice singing in the comfortable center of their range, allowing you to appreciate the creative excitement with which the producer and composer combined all these stylish sounds. But next time the production team composes a song like this, either find a vocalist who can comfortably handle the heavy-handed hammers of the rap verses, or tamp down to let this light uwu cutesy vocal shine. [8]

Michael Hong: YOASOBI's songs often sound like they could afford to be a touch faster than they are, and it's no different here. The topline of "IDOL" comes off as stiff, particularly across the opening clangs and the jumps of the chorus. As the duo race through all these ideas, Ikura stalls into a moment of exhaustion, as if the track's punch has started to weigh heavy on her. [4]

Ian Mathers: This one is genuinely baffling to me. I can't really parse out why some parts of it make my brain feel like it's fizzing pleasurably, while other parts trigger the avoidant feelings I get with certain strains of prog rock. Even worse, I'm not sure I can keep track of which parts are which from one listen to another. I love/don't love when it gets more measured and stompy. I love/don't love when it gets quieter, or when it just fully goes for it. Depending on which way this resolves in my brain, I'm either never going to seek out "IDOL" again, or going to start playing it on a loop. Hard to score that! [7]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: After reading up on Oshi no Ko, the anime for which "Idol" is the theme, this song made sense in a new way. It sounds like an idol group song shoved backward through a hedge at SMTown Tokyo in 2013, or a Dempagumi.inc song that was written by Yoo Young-jin and then performed with way more fervor than required. While I don't think it's required to enjoy this song, being familiar with the format of the titular idol, a profession with a decent amount of regional variation across Asia but entirely distinct from the Western boy/girl group, makes "Idol" more effective to me. The song really captures the troubling parasocial aspects of the idol industrial complex, issues that I feel a duty to grapple with as a long-time idol group fan. Parasocial attachment is by no means exclusive to idols, but the heady mix of accessibility, human as allegory, and physical beauty increases the likelihood of issues, sometimes with serious consequences for the idols themselves. This is all without even mentioning "Idol" being the runaway megahit of the year in a particular niche, which doesn't really demonstrate anything other than the song's wide appeal. Hey, a good song is a good song, and it's nice when that trumps everything. [9]

Leah Isobel: "IDOL" is so literal, and so garish, and so much, in a way that doesn't normally work for me. Its rapid consecutive U-turns, its pileup of shiny baubles, makes me feel like Yoasobi is playing a trick -- like they're using these techniques to gussy up what is, at heart, a relatively familiar story about the underbelly of fame. And then the final key change-into-chorus transition happens and, yeah, okay, I get it. The shifts in mood and mode raise the stakes so high that the last turnaround feels like squeezing an ocean through an arrow slit: for one person to hold the attention of millions is, after all, an impossible virtuosity. [7]

Tara Hillegeist: To love a piece of art is not, by necessity, to identify myself with the work involved in its making or feel any precious defensiveness about its merits. Indeed, when appreciating art for what it is and what it can be, it is often a richer form of love to come to that feeling through studiously antagonistic critique instead of immediately sincere affection. I already know all the work's faults, the reasons it's a failed work; and yet I still find it worth your time. There is a chasm of difference -- the kind that runs down the vein of this discourse, more often than it cuts across -- between loving art and loving "an artist," in the singular, as the bespoke creature/object/entity/producer/"person" that makes the art in question. There are many ways to prevent myself, as a critic, from falling into that trap, as many ways as there are critics. And with so many of these ways of putting distance between myself and my subjects of choice, it's easy to grow jaded and callous, to forget that these performances began as people, to make light of this business -- for it is a business, for what it does to the lives at its forefront. To crack jokes about the strain it puts on them to be the wick at the center of the candle, while we watch them flicker, flare out, and fade. Distance renders my protections as perverse as the alternative.

To find myself in love with "the artist" that makes the art I love, though -- there is no escape from the parasocial realignment of one's approach that follows. A part of me has already accepted it will betray the sensible ethics of the arrangement between that art's creator and its consumer, on behalf of a belief in the righteousness, the decency, the fundamental moral worthiness, of this image I've chosen to perceive within the actions of an otherwise total stranger -- a betrayal all the more dangerously stupid on my end for the obvious awareness that this is the image they want to sell me on. As an appreciator of art, as a fair critic, the worst mistake I can make is to take that performative sincerity at its word. It's even worse when that collapse of situational awareness leaves me with a sense of entitlement, in either direction -- a sense that the transaction involved is anything more than the exchange of the pleasure of creating for the pleasure of consuming, that in return for the joy I take in their ability to synthesize "truth" into "performance," I now owe them a debt in the form of devotion ... or, worse, that they owe me anything in kind. No matter how chaste or compassionate or self-effacing the gesture may feel, it remains a trap. I'm in love with being lied to. They're in love with lying to me. At best, it only leads to the tragedy of heartbreak -- a tragedy all the more cruel if one of us really meant it. It's enough to send one screaming to the madhouse, thinking about it seriously. Maybe that's why we all try not to. But sometimes, we let ourselves forget. It's so easy to do -- as easy as we say it is not to do it.

There was this ... girl, I liked, on the come-up in the entertainment world. She'd started as a wrestler, and I'd been what you might call a fan of her mother, a well-established name in the industry. So I was already paying attention when her mother introduced her in the ring to say she'd be pursuing the family business. I was already a fan of hers when it was announced she too would step back from wrestling to pursue a career in the wider entertainment industry. I thought she deserved the limelight, that she was made for it, that anyone could see how hard-working she was and how much she'd earned their adoration. In turn, I felt entitled to following her personal Twitter, because seeing her messages on my timeline -- whether upon waking or before bed -- and giving them the occasional like made me feel like I was supporting her in her pursuits, whatever she did. As a wrestling fan, seeing her succeed felt like its own reward, "one of ours" making good, one step at a time. In K-pop terms, you could've said she was one of my biases; in Japan, an "oshi," from the verb for "support."

Maybe you've already guessed how this story ends. It made international news, after all. They changed laws because of it. Her mother made sure they did. But for me, the volcanic upheaval that resulted was on a much more personal and unavoidable scale. All I saw, at first, was someone struggling to put her best foot forward and finally getting what looked to be her big break -- on a reality show, but one of the most popular reality shows on television at the time, where thousands of people could see her! I'd wake up every morning, eager to see whether she'd say anything new about it. So I was already awake and alert, locked down in COVID quarantine on that cold morning in the spring of 2020, when she tweeted out her suicide note for all her friends and followers to see, and followed it up with picture proof of how deeply serious she meant her attempt to be. I sat there, a helpless voyeur, those pictures a constant companion. I waited, one of the lucky few, to learn whether what my "support" had led me to witness being done "live" could be undone, or whether I'd have to live the rest of my life knowing my last memories of someone I thought I'd valued as a person would be those bloody images, all because I "cared" so much to keep tabs on her social media on the regular.

Within the hour, we all knew the answer. Her friends and family were able to at least get Twitter to take the images down before they had to put out any further statements themselves. By the time the wider world awoke to learn the news, the pronouncement of her death was a matter of recorded, impersonal fact, accompanied by photographs of her alive in the ring and on set, rather than the catastrophic tableau of judgmental violence that the internet and the television crew drove her to inflict upon herself. The price I would pay for my mistake, in thinking my support of her entitled me to knowing as much about her as was publicly knowable, would be that my witness was as much my own fault as my worthlessness. I could only live with what I'd seen and damn myself for why.

I threw myself into other spheres of my interest -- "virtual YouTubers" -- in the vain hope that my awareness of the failings of the genre would cushion me from such a tragic mistake another time. I was no stranger to the cynical mode in which the subculture operated, using surreal motion-tracked avatars as a means by which tech startups could showcase and sell their proprietary apps. I was hardly uninformed on its casually abusive handling of their talent and lax management policies. Before I'd ever started engaging with any of the talent responsible, I'd heard about managers needing to be fired for power-harassment who went on to stalk and threaten their former clients. I already knew about performers needing to go on hiatus because their audiences turned violent over the sound of their mic accidentally picking up a roommate's presence. I already knew about performers needing to reveal their own behind-the-scenes identities to prevent themselves from being replaced as the voice of the model they'd made famous.

Naturally, the artists I grew to appreciate most in the scene were the ones most aware, if not outright forceful, about reminding their audience where the boundaries were between the audience, the audience's perception of themselves, and themselves, the person putting those perceptions and boundaries in place. One of those artists mentioned that one of her favorite manga was this niche series that she felt was the most relatable and compelling depiction of the ins and outs of being, at once, both a performer and someone who had performers she loved in turn: a series called Oshi no ko. I jotted it down as something to look into, later -- it sounded like a pretty out-there title, so I didn't expect I'd find many, if any, translations of it; there certainly weren't any being published legally at that time.

But she kept bringing it up, and soon I started hearing other VTubers doing the same, so I took the curiosity more seriously. Two or three volumes in, a strange horror overtook me. The events that led to what I was reading were anything but events that I had any connection to, although I'd noticed similarities between them and real events in the industry. But now the characters in the manga had been roped into performing on a reality show, one of the most-watched television shows at that time ... and there it was. Ripped from reality, turned into performative art: the same events that I could never forget happening, had never really forgiven myself for putting myself in the position of being a helpless witness to. They had been turned into a cathartic lie -- because in the fictional tale of Oshi no ko, the protagonists, who had become her friends, were able to prevent her story from ending the same way: the way, in the fiction, that they hadn't been able to prevent their mother's ... and the way, in reality, that they couldn't have prevented their inspiration's. Through the artists' efforts, I realized I wasn't suffering that heartache alone. I, too, didn't deserve to regret having lied to myself enough about what I loved that I turned that love into a lie, that I loved a lie that can never be true. Maybe that, too, is a lie, but it's no less a lie than the belief that as an audience, our personal responsibilities should ever matter to anyone but ourselves. Cut to the spring of 2023: Oshi no ko, shocking me to the core, receives an animated adaptation. Tapped for the opening theme is YOASOBI, a group comprised of a former idol and a former Vocaloid producer, mostly known for moody, emotional rock songs. The song they make for it is this one: "IDOL"; the charts make the rest into obvious history, and the lyrics speak for themselves. So now that lie belongs to the rest of you. For what it's worth, I hope you love it as much as I did. [10]

[notjustla]

John Adams: Episode 7 “Peacefield” (M.Ashford/K.Ellis)

The last episode of the John Adams miniseries condenses 24 years of history into 62 minutes. This scene gives actor (P.Giamatti) a great opportunity to imply the many difficulties of Adams’ later years on a physical level, which he does by fully inhabiting his character’s increasing bodily decrepitude (omg his teeth) The narrative glosses whole decades, but we do clearly perceive that Adams has become a hardened old man with an increasingly dark worldview. His cynicism is especially poignant in this scenes, when he indirectly airs his ambivalence about the direction the American project has since taken. On a more meta-level, this is also a clever way for the filmmaker to subtext the narrative with a sort of “disclaimer” about historical dramatizations in general. With a wink and a smile the writer/director here acknowledges the artifice of this otherwise exemplary and meticulously constructed historical film. With John Trumbull here serving as a stand in for the filmmaker, the miniseries acknowledges that John Adams too is no more than a “painting” of staged scenes that never actually happened: a series of idealized images carefully composed by an artist who presumed their right to a “certain license” to condense a long and complicated historical process into a meaningful narrative.

Esteemed architect & artist JOHN TRUMBULL leads (a now very elderly) John Adams into his studio to see his recently finished painting “The Declaration of Independence”

JOHN TRUMBULL ...Congress has commissioned me to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the birth of our proud republic with my humble rendition of this most momentous scene — for what could be more momentous in the history of our young nation than the signing of the Declaration of Independence? It will hang in the rotunda of the Capitol! I offer it to you now for your delectation and——may I dare to hope——your approval. Does the painting do you justice? (...) JOHN ADAMS (after a pause) I will say this...it is very bad history. JOHN TRUMBULL (stunned) But the likenesses have been very carefully researched! JOHN ADAMS But the scene such as you depict here never took place! There was not one moment on one occasion on any one day when all the delegates from all the colonies were gathered to give their signatures! JOHN TRUMBULL But this...is matter of mere details, sir! JOHN ADAMS (glowering) May I remind you that we were already at war? Contrary to your tranquil scene, your subjects were scurrying in and out of Philadelphia all summer long, fixing their names to Mr. Jefferson’s (sighs heavily) hallowed parchment whenever they happened to be in town. JOHN TRUMBULL But you would not deny the artist a certain license? JOHN ADAMS Do not let our posterity be deluded with fictions under the guise of poetical or graphical license! It is a very common observation in Europe, Mr. Trumbull, that nothing is so false as modern history. Well I would hasten to add that nothing is so false as modern European history -- except for modern American history! In plain English sir, I consider the true history of the American Revolution...as lost forever. Adams removes his spectacles and shuffles away sadly.

[nephilimborn]

࿏✴࿏ ⸻ ➻ There is beauty in the idea of freedom, but it's an illusion. Every human heart is chained by love ⸻ PINNED #NEPHILIMBORN

independent, selective, low-activity, canon-divergent sideblog for MARK / MIACH BLACKTHORN from the dark artifices trilogy of the shadowhunters franchise by cassandra clare. portrayal is highly head-canon based, non-affiliated with the original novels.

when two opposing worlds collide into a single body, what must the bearer of such legacies do ? well, protect your family, love as you are loved, fight, sacrifice. a study of ; war, duality, familial bonds, freedom.

⸻ carrd // multi-muse main blog // meta

followbacks from @humanothings icon border + divider from @lavenderph

[yellowraincoat]

Can we talk about the Anselm Nightshade plotline in the Dark Artifices,, because to me, it’s one of the more obvious examples of Cassandra Clare Retconning something.

I’m sure some of you will argue, no, the Anselm Nightshade thing was fully planned from the beginning; she just chose to disperse the information over the course of multiple books even when Anselm became entirely un-plot-relevant for… reasons.

What it comes down to is this: the original portrayal of Julian’s interaction with Anselm in Lady Midnight made Julian profoundly unlikeable.

Here is what it was originally portrayed as: Julian threw Anselm Nightshade, a family friend, (and not only a family friend, but his mentally ill uncle’s ONLY friend) under the bus and ruined a thriving, downworlder-run business (which of course in this world is an oppressed class) with absolutely no remorse. And honestly,,, it worked too well for his character.

CC spent the entire series making the point that Julian is a character who will do nearly anything for his family. And in book one at least, it was clear that that included harming decent people like Anselm if it was “us or them”

I’ll admit, I think Cassandra Clare intended us to genuinely believe that Vampire Pizza was guilty of putting addicting ingredients in the sauce, but with the way the situation was played for laughs through out (“vampire pizza?? don’t you wonder what’s in the sauce😂”) and the intensity of the situation Julian was trying to get his family out of, as well as his established ruthless nature, it felt like he’d falsely accused Anselm to buy his family some time. Not like he’d honestly been secretly investigating Vampire Pizza.

I think it left many readers, myself included with the impression (intended or not) that Julian Blackthorn had someone falsely imprisoned on purpose. Especially as the series moved more and more to themes of American Trump era politics and misinformation (which lead to an increased awareness about how marginalized groups face over-policing, false imprisonment, and general failings of the American justice system) it became very jarring that one of the supposed heroes of the story had been complicit in something remotely similar to any of that. Which meant it was something CC had to address in the next book to right our impression of Julian. The way she does that is via Emma having a quick convo with Magnus that goes something like this:

E- hey, Magnus, about Anselm, he was guilty right? Julian isn’t a sociopath right?

M- yeah, the clave (a completely corrupt entity that hates downworlders) wouldn’t have arrested him if he wasn’t

And I think it’s for obvious reasons that people (me) didn’t find this response entirely believable or consistent with the world building up until that point of the story. And I think Cassie Clare, as she thought about it more came to that conclusion too, because in Queen of Air and Darkness, she changes the narrative completely. It wasn’t enough to make Julian seem fully absolved, in book 3 she adds a story where Julian’s not only in the right about Anselm, but actively arresting him to save baby werewolves. Which creates the complete opposite impression of Julian that you got from the event in book one. He is now a protector of Downworlder children rather then someone who sees downworlders as sacrificable for his own ends.

I suppose it’s possible that CC just wanted to leave Julian’s morality ambiguous through out the books and reveal a new side of him toward the end, but i feel that throughout all three, CC walks a very fine line with Julian (morally speaking), and occasionally, accidentally, crosses it.

This isn’t to say that the retcon was badly written or poorly done, I only wonder what could’ve been if Cassandra Clare would’ve been willing to take Julian’s character a little further and let him be a truly morally gray character who you both love and hate; make him a person who does unspeakable things for the right reasons and force the audience to try to decide whether or not you can call him a villain.

[littleturtle95]

Let’s talk about this scene in TDA, shall we?

(I already put it in the tags but I’m saying it again: it will become a tlbotw post after the screenshots so be warned)

When Emma and Julian tell our Malec about Thule!Malec this happens:

Magnus’ outburst seems a bit out of place here. Magnus rarely looses is cool, especially around others, and here he’s grabbing him and shaking him and he looks furious, in front of people he barely knows. That’s a lot unlike him, he never does it even in extremely dangerous situations when he should be definitely more scared. There is nothing happening that threatens Alec’s life right now and nothing that suggests Alec would do something like that in their world.

I mean, there are no kids in the other world obviously, so that makes things different. And as Jace says in Forever Fallen, Alec killed himself undoubtedly for Magnus but because he wanted to take the secrets of the revolution with him, as well. That’s why Sebastian is angry when he finds out he’s dead.

None of that applies to their universe, it’s not that concerning.

So why Magnus is so angry? He should know his Alec wouldn’t do something like that, right?

Wrong!

Because when they discuss about this, the Lost Book of the White already happened, and that mean that this already happened.

Magnus knows that this is something his Alec would 100% do, because his Alec already did it.

Alec didn’t know he was going to survive that, he is surprised when he finds out he survived. And when this happens, they already have Max.

That’s why Magnus is so horrified of what they tell him. It isn’t another Alec in an extreme situation making a circumstancial choice. It’s Alec being Alec, in each and every universe, including their own.

And it makes him understand that this is ingrained in Alec’s nature, and that makes it so much scary, and he has to make him swear Alec understood he can’t just keep doing this, he needs to be reassured on the fact that this is not going to happen again, ever.

And it makes him reminesce about what could most likely be one of the worst moment of his life.

That’s why he freaks out like this, even if he usually brushes off scary thoughts and stressful and even life and death situations with sarcasm and funny comments.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 💙

[valntinemorgenstern]

Kit’s POV’s in LoS:

in terms of pov’s, kit is a v interesting character. in LM, he really is the definition of a marginalised character, with only a handful of pov’s. but then, in LoS, this noticeably increases -- to the point where i’ve felt he’s virtually a main character, on par with everyone else. so today i actually manually went through the whole of LoS and tallied up the number of pov’s he has (which is always a v interesting and revealing exercise). in comparison to like, 3 or 4 in LM -- he has a grand total of 37 pov’s in LoS.

also to consider:

a) he’s sharing page space with emma, julian, cristina, mark, kieran and even (briefly) arthur 

b) those pov’s aren’t equal in length: some go on for 2 pages; some go on for 8 pages (one chapter is almost entirely narrated from his pov)

c) roughly, he has a pov once every 18 pages; that evens out at about 1 or 2 pov’s every chapter or so. (there are a few occasions on which, v unusually, he has pov followed by pov -- usually cassie alternates). 

(as a sidenote: his pov’s peak at around the middle of the book -- he carries most of this, and peter out as we approach the climax, and jemma takes over. also -- not something i was looking for, but interesting nonetheless -- so many of kit’s pov’s either start with, end with or involve him waking up. thought that was a nice literalisation of how everything with kit’s arc is an awakening).

in terms of statistics, and which character has the most pov’s, it goes roughly like this: 

1) emma 

2) julian (v close behind emma tho) 

3) kit 

4) cristina 

5) mark 

6 kieran 

considering that emma and julian have v nearly the same no of pov’s, you could almost consider them as joint 1st; kit as 2nd. 

statistically, then, kit is a hugely significant character in LoS. you could argue that cassie is only doing this bc kit is, as someone who’s been raised in the mundane world, a nice stand-in for the reader in terms of looking at the shadowhunter world from the outside. idk if that makes him any less important tho: his inter-series equivalents, in terms of this role, would be tessa (tid) and simon (tmi).

cassie isn’t waiting until twp to begin kit’s character arc. kit’s character arc started in LM and will be merely carried over into twp. practically speaking, you can see why she’s done this -- if twp is going to be the series to stage a revolutionary war (i.e. incredibly plot-driven) and working efficiently alongside two other shadowhunters, kit needs to be brought up to speed; he has to be a proficient and competent shadowhunter, by that point. he can’t be the one constantly asking the questions -- he needs to be the one providing us answers. another reason is cassie needs to set up his identity crisis (which may or may not be resolved by QoAaD): we know that kit is a shadowhunter, but the real question is, what else is he? if cassie is going to realise his potential in twp, she’s needs to set up the nature of what that is in tda. that kit fell through the institute door, rather than just politely pushed it ajar, was, i felt, very emblematic of what is probably awaiting his character. 

[skyeventide]

favourite Tolkien essays so far

— The religion and the magic of language in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, Mary Zimmer (here): extremely interesting study of magic, its links to Neoplatonism, and how word and creation relate to types of magical powers and spells in LotR, with a detour in the importance of names and of their tabooing.

— Time and Tide: Medieval Patterns of Interpreting the Passing of Time in Tolkien, Thomas Honegger (here): the relation between how time was interpreted in the Middle Ages as well as late classical antiquity and how it’s utilised in LotR is thoroughly explained here. how do medieval Christian thought and mythical time interlace with Tolkien’s narrative?

— Archaism, Nostalgia and Tennysonian War in The Lord of the Rings, Andrew Lynch (here): a lot was written about war in Tolkien, but this essay goes in depth about his Old English sources as well as the Alfred Tennyson and Malory influences, and doesn’t fail to touch upon the idealised and lofty writing of battle scenes in LotR, their elevation via archaism.

— Three Rings for Hollywood: Scripts for The Lord of the Rings by Zimmerman, Boorman, and Beagle, Janet Croft (here): a journey through the movie adaptations that LotR got or might have gotten, examining their scripts. informative as well as full of absolutely buckwild details about movies that never happened, including the one time Frodo did the do with Galadriel.

— Cain-Leviathan Typology in Gollum and Grendel, Brent Nelson (here): tracing the origins of Gollum as a demonic and Cain-like figure through the narrative of the Bible and of Beowful. a thorough analysis of the character archetype and great read.

— Theology of Wetlands: Tolkien and Beowulf on marshes and their monsters, Rod Giblett (here): touching on similar themes to the above, but focusing on the environment as a character, especially the Dead Marshes and their crossing, as well as tracing a history of Grendel’s type, of dragons and Grendel’s mother, the monsters of the marshes.

— Light-elves, Dark-elves, and Others: Tolkien's Elvish Problem, Tom Shippey (here): analysis of the mythological history of light and dark elves, from the Eddas and onwards, and Tolkien’s attempt to solve the conundrum via his elven clans and the division betwen Calaquendi and Moriquendi. it touches on how this narrative converges in the figure of Eöl (though it must be pointed out fails to touch upon any racist narratives in this character).

— The 'Wyrdwrīteras' of Elvish History: Northern Courage, Historical Bias, and Literary Artifact as Illustrative Narrative, Richard Gallant (here): how is the artifice of the narrative skillfully used by Tolkien to illustrate historical bias in his Silmarillion? the essay explores Tolkien’s use of his meta-narrative to illustrate how his chroniclers write of courage and fate, with special attention to the characters of Fëanor and Fingolfin.

— The Parentage of Gil-Galad, Renee Vink (here): the textual history of the most infamous parentage or lack thereof in the whole legendarium, extremely useful to trace all that canon has to say on the matter of Gil-Galad’s parents.

[amchara]

🎃 pumpkin & 👻 ghost

🎃 pumpkin: do you have any favorite brainstorming techniques? how do you like to gather ideas for your wip?

I get fic ideas at random times and just hope I remember them to write down but they come from common triggers - a particular song, or fanart, or a theory post that spurs my own thoughts, or a podcast/meta-analysis that poses a question and then the creators move on but I'm like... what if? (and spiral) Or another media piece where I'm like- but how would this situation apply to my special blorbos, heh.

But in terms of actually brainstorming how the story will actually work scene by scene with dialogue etc. it's usually one of three places - one, while I'm swimming laps which I do 2-3 times a week, two- in the shower (classic), three - just before I fall asleep, or if I can't fall asleep, I will tell myself stories, which I think is typical of a lot of writers!

👻 ghost: can you tease some wip ideas that have been haunting you/something you want to write in the future?

Yes! :D I'm about to begin publishing a mystery casefile Kit/Ty story so that's eaten up a lot of my writing time but here are the other WIPs/ideas that have been haunting me:

Time After Time - This is a warlock squad + Brother Zacharias fic set in the late 80s. It's not plot heavy but more of a feelings-heavy piece and definitely angsty. But also a 'this is our friendship port in the heavy storm of feelings' fic. I have a whole 80s playlist to go with it!

Between the Sinners and Saints - A Thule!Livvy story set after the events of The Dark Artifices, includes the Kit from Thule and Livvy meeting Ty as he is in The Wicked Powers, aka all grown up. This is a story I have written in my head but I am having trouble getting it down on paper.

Untitled hurt/comfort and potentially racy Matthew/Cordelia fic, inspired by what happens in the aftermath of this bridge battle , as teased by fanart. I know Fairstairs isn't gonna be canon, so I feel I need to write at least one or two more stories before it gets sunk altogether by Chain of Thorns in January. 😅

Thank you for the ask!

[gofancyninjaworld]

What grows is...emptiness

I keep thinking. Following on from this meta on what the differences in Tatsumaki's character in the webcomic and the manga enabled in each work, I started to think who might save webcomic!Tatsumaki. She cuts such a sad figure in chapter 129, having kept herself safe and ably dispatched the monster but brought no good to anyone hoping she'd save the day.

a hero, but not as generally defined. If you wanted your day saved, sorry.

The normal reaction of any fan (myself included) is to look to the hero of the story, Saitama, but the Saitama of the webcomic is the same guy who barely noticed his disciple's growing distress -- until he was cast into an impossible-to-ignore situation.

Every scene is crucial

One of the necessary artifices in fiction is that you must never put anything into the story that is not crucial. It doesn't need to be important to the plot necessarily, it doesn't have to be a life-or-death decision, but it needs to contribute something. Even casual interactions can serve to add atmosphere, flesh out characters, build relationships, all of which will come to matter in time.

The lack of repeated interactions is a big part of what gives the webcomic its incredible bleakness. It's a place where no one seems to be able to talk to one another. The manga has characters able to listen a tiny bit more and who can stand to come across each other a few more times. Not by much -- folks are very stubborn and twisted in the manga too -- but like a past-due loan, it has compounded.

Fubuki and Tatsumaki sometimes doing stuff in the manga isn't a nice extra. It's sisters who have built enough trust in one another to be able to reach out to each other when darkness falls on them.

The Saitama in the webcomic isn't just a more distant character. He's also one who has NEVER GIVEN KING PERMISSION TO SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER. Why would King? They don't hang out that way. The nearest the two of them get to speaking honestly comes when Saitama tells King to stop snivelling and do something about his situation already. To King's credit, he seems to be doing just that, but it looks like Saitama's lost a gaming buddy.

King in the manga has been able to challenge Saitama's attitudes and comportment as a friend. He's been able to prompt Saitama to not just feel a sense of mild disquiet as to how Genos is but to act on it. He's the one who prodded Saitama out of seeing his disciple as a mere victim of circumstance and into seeing him as a fellow hero.

...a conversation that literally cannot happen in the webcomic, at least not without some major development

King couldn't have done any of that without having interacted as much as he has with Saitama. He couldn't have done so either if he weren't roped into so many of Saitama and Genos's shenanigans. They've all made a difference in how he sees them and what he's willing to say to and for them.

...true, he wanted to avoid Saitama's awkward questions, but King also appreciates that Genos won't speak for himself and so took it upon himself to do so

Come to that, if Saitama and Genos had hung out only as much as they did in the webcomic (i.e. hardly ever), there'd be neither point nor basis for King to speak up.

None of the 'extra' stuff in the manga has been wasted: it's the literal mortar out of which meaningful human relationships are built. Murata has not spent thousands of hours slinging ink on the page for fun. He and ONE have not sweated whether every panel is truly contributing to the story in vain. The organic developments in the world and in the characters and the complex interactions between characters are built on the 'extras'.

You shouldn't read a criticism of the webcomic in what I've just said. ONE is going all-in with the webcomic, exploring the emptiness that grows between characters as they never quite look each other in the eye. It's sharp, sparse, funny, tragic, and fascinating in equal measure.

Anyway, to come back to Tatsumaki. The last we saw her, she was off on her solo mission of justice and retribution, which will most probably rid the world of a horrible set of villains but is unlikely to bring her any peace.

she looks so pensive in this scene -- I hope she'll be okay

Who the hell can reach her still-shrivelling soul? It seems like she'll have to find a way to save herself. Still, this is One-Punch Man, and this is Saitama we're talking about. Finding solutions to impossible problems is his bread and butter. In a world as bleak as this one, it feels like a miraculous act of grace when he does come through.

As I check daily in the hopes of a webcomic update, you'd best believe I'm here for it too!

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[oncethrown]

So... at some point between The Mortal Instruments and the Dark Artifices, homophobia dissapeared from Shadowhunter Culture.

Even though homophobia in Shadowhunter society was an important part of the Mortal Instruments series, there is no reason it had to continue in the Dark Artifices. That’s not what I’m saying. However, making that change to the world without actually writing anything to create that change, brings out some really wierd mindsets and predjudices in Cassandra Clare’s writing.

Let’s start at the beginning- Shadowhunter Society in the Mortal Instruments was explicitly homophobic

-Izzy tells Clary that there are no gay Shadowhunters when Clary asks if Alec is gay -Alec suffers a lot of shame and fear and self-loating and self-harm over being gay -People seeing Alec and Magnus kiss in the Accords Hall express disgust -Alec has to explain to Jace that, yeah, he’s heartbroken that Magnus gets kidnapped -Alec and Jace have an extended conversation about how homophobic Robert is, and how hurt Alec is that Robert can’t accept him. - The ‘million little paper cuts speech -Aline realizes she’s gay because Alec- the only gay shadowhunter- exists -Aline and Helen’s marriage has to take place after the Clave decides that it can be legal and allowable, which means it was illegal before. 

And it’s explicitly homophobic for kind of no reason that is logical within the text

-Shadowhunters have no official religion according to the text, so there’s no doctrine or god forbidding homosexuality, as is typical in the real world

-Shadowhunter society is ancient and worldwide while also being super insular. It’s growing seperate from the mundane culture entirely, and encompasses a ton of regional cultures and time periods that wouldn’t have had the same concept of “gay” that Alec is experiencing in the Mortal Instruments. 

-Men and women are equal as warriors, so there shouldn’t be the same type of misogyny in Shadowhunter culture that fuels homophobia in mundane culture

-The parabatai bond- A bond that is between marriage and brotherhood, and often experienced between members of the same sex is paramount in the culture. (Caveat- the fact that parabatais are often members of the same sex and that there is a curse on parabatais who fall in love could have been written as a reason that Shadowhunters society is homophobic... except for the fact that this parabatai love curse thing only crops up in the Dark Artifices, and Alec is in love with Jace for a couple books)

But in the Dark Artifices:

(For the record I’m like 2/3rds of the way through Lord of Shadows)

There is no homophobia amongst any of the Shadowhunters at all, but also no indication that there ever used to be.

-Having an adopted warlock grandchild cured Robert and Maryse of homophobia (and racism maybe?)

-Alec is suddenly a goldenboy of the Clave. They are begging him to take over and Institute, and they *give* him the London Institute after he spends a day there. He’s also an important part of a political apparatus that works with downworlders and the Clave.

-Jia Penhallow becomes Consul, and her daughter being the second official gay Shadowhunter ever does not matter. Robert Lightwood becomes Inquisitor without Alec’s sexuality being an issue either.

-Mark Blackthorn, who was taken by the Wild Hunt when he was like fifteen, comes back and is caught a couple times by his family and several goody-two shoe, non-family member Shadowhunters with his male Seelie lover, Kieran, and no one ever reacts to the fact that this lover is male, even though when Mark was taken during the Dark War, his having a boyfriend would have been An Issue (like it was for Alec, Aline and Helen)

Even when all of the Blackthorns and Kieran (and Alec and Magnus) wind up as the guests of an old woman who is described as so old fashioned that she still wears Edwardian clothes, that old woman hates having a Seelie in her house, but never reacts to how many of the people suddenly in her Institute are not heterosexual.

-Even the villains, who are literal nazis who want to register, intern, and mass murder downworlders, are not homophobic.

Isn’t that good? What is the problem?

The Mortal Instruments series ended with the conclusion of the Dark War, where Sebastian Morgenstern turned a bunch of Shadowhunters into evil monsters with the help of the Seelie Queen. It was basically a Shadowhunter genocide, and the Shadowhunters blame the Seelies for it. Thus, they’ve imposed something called “The Cold Peace” on the Seelies, which is an obvious analogue to the Treaty of Versaille at the end of World War I, which punished Germany so harshly that it made World War II more or less inevitable. The terms of the treaty deny the Seelies council representation, and strip Seelies of all the civil rights downworlders have gained over the last few centuries.

The villains of Lord of Shadows are a group of Shadowhunters who are consistently, loudly, anti-downworlder. They want all downworlders to submit to a registry, and the leader of this villain group- Zara Dearborn- explicitly wants this registry to lead to the interment and genocide of downworlders. This is another obvious real world analogue.

And only like 5 years have passed between the end of the Mortal Instruments and the beginning of the Dark Artifices.

It would have been really easy to explain this sudden social turn-around in way that made the ongoing story more cohesive, said something about our world, or at least reinforced that the core issue of all of these books should be “Even with Friends and Relatives there, You Still Can’t Trust the Clave”

-The positive option- A lot of Shadowhunters died in the Dark War. They need to rebuild their ranks (and are doing it by using the mortal cup on mundanes) and there are orphans everywhere. Homophobia disappearing from society could really easily have been a result of the Clave changing the official policy to “Marry who ever you want, but please pick up your three orphans and two surly-formerly-mundane-teenagers on your way back to your brand new Institute”

-The deeply cynical option- In the new culture of enhanced blatant racism, agressive oppression, and actual existential threats to being a Shadowunter, being a Shadowhunter became more important than anything else. As long as you are *NOT A DOWNWORLDER* you fit into the approved Clave profile and gain benefits from it. Like how neo-nazi groups in the US are recruiting white gay men now, because whiteness and maleness are more important than sexuality as they seek to oppress non-whites and non-men. Or how people in Germany did nothing to help jewish neighbors because they stood to gain socially and economically from the government’s anti-jewish policies.

It also would have been easy and logical and potentially worthwhile story-wise to keep homophobia as a problem, and use is as a way to explore other issues within the culture of hatred that the Dark Artifices explores

- So many Shadowhunters died in the Dark War that the Shadowhunters are desperate to swell their ranks. Everyone needs to have as many babies as possible. The Clave declares their couple years of leniency on non-straight sexualities a lull in judgement, dissolves marriages, criminalizes the Birth Control Rune, and starts veering toward a forced reproduction type of society, Handmaid’s Tale Style.

-Homophobia becomes part of the anti-downworld campaigns. In the books it’s said somewhere that all Seelies are bisexual, and all the downworlder cultures are pretty open about sexuality. It would have been really easy for the books to show the Clave making non-heterosexuality analogous with being a non-shadowhunter, because it made you too much like a Seelie, and for Shadowhunters who had come out during the last five years punished, exiled, or encouraged to “come to their senses”. This also would have cast homophobia as a political tool rather than a “moral position” like we usually see, which I think would have been illuminating for the target audience of these books. 

But Even If You Can’t Write Good and Don’t Want to Deal With That it’s Worth Noting-

Homophobia being a major, systemic issue that simply evaporates from life and culture in less than five years, makes several of the things going on in the series seem weird under a little more scrutiny.

1. Why bother with the homophobia in the Mortal Instruments at all?

If it’s going to disappear without explanation or real consequences… why bother? Alec’s storyline in the Mortal Instruments could have been dramatic enough if he just had a crush on Jace, and it was never clear if Jace reciprocated, and then ouch,  Jace asks Alec to be his parabatai, so Alec knows it’s hopeless, since parabatai can never be lovers. Then this Clary girl comes in and screws everything up! Then there’s this warlock that Alec can’t stop thinking about! But! Good Shadowhunter Boys DO NOT DATE DOWNWORLDERS!

The books always come back to this race dynamic, so why not start there and stay there? Plus then you are exploring the main theme of the series, and wrapping all the plot points around it, instead of spending so many scenes listening to Alec’s slut-shaming and biphobia.

2. Kit and Livvy and Ty

So… again, I’m only 2/3 through Lord of Shadows, maybe this question gets answered before the end, but Lord of Shadows is a book about pining. And all of the language Kit uses to describe Ty sounds like the same language all the other pining characters use about the focuses of their affection. And it’s very similar to the language Kit uses to describe looking at Livvy, who he is eager to kiss early on in the book.

And Kit is 15. He’s got the puberty going on.

If there is no homophobia in the world anymore, and Kit has plenty of examples of gay and bisexual men in relationships around him, it doesn’t make a lot of sense that internalized homophobia would still be a thing either. They all look up to Mark Blackthorn and everyone is in awe of Alec and Magnus. 

So… that means that Kit can look at Livvy and feel attraction to her and know he feels attraction to her,  but doesn’t seem to think of his attraction to Ty in the same terms at all, even though they seem to be closer than Kit and Livvy are… which makes it seem like the resistance to be attracted to Ty is about Ty having autism.

3. Alec Vs. Aline and Helen

Alec becomes the golden boy, but Aline and Helen become banished women. They are shipped out to,  essentially, Siberia. They are not allowed to come back, even to visit. Helen, who is in a stable marriage and is old enough to run an Institute, and who is married to the daughter of the Consul, is forbidden from raising her six younger siblings, leaving the job to 12 year old Julian Blackthorn (even though Helen thinks that a much older, but just as male relative is rising the children).

In the text, the reason for Helen’s unfair treatment is, explicitly, because she is half Seelie… but Mark gets to live at the LA Institute. He is caught with his boyfriend a couple of times. When they run off to the London Institute Mark and Kieran are there together, without the excuse of being sort of protected by being in the LA Institute, and by the Blackthorn reputation for thwarting the Clave. There’s no reason in the text why the elderly woman who runs the Institute (until the second that Alec Lightwood shows up and the Clave gives it to him) would think the Clave would allow a full blooded Seelie and a half blooded Seelie to be housed in an Institute, but she lets it go. 

Also… Helen can’t raise her half siblings, but the Shadowhunter social climate in Lord of Shadows is also very anti-warlock, and Alec and Magnus are able to adopt two children, one of whom is a Shadowhunter. Not only that, but Alec and the Shadowhunter child have a language barrier, and Magnus and the Shadowhunter child do not.

So… it’s not really about the lack of homophobia in the work of the Dark Artifices, it seems to be Cassandra Clare wanting as few women as possible in her story, and especially getting away with saying she has lesbian characters, without having to give them any lines or screen time. There’s a scene in the London Institute about 2/3rds of the way through where there are five gay or bisexual men in a room together (6 if you count Ty, but at the point I’m at in the book it’s not entirely clear if he returns Kit’s affection)... but Aline who is a lesbian and Helen who, considering the Seelie thing, is probably bisexual, but the text never even bothers to tell us, have no line and have to live at the ends of the earth in a horrible ice hut full of pickled fish. 

[starryrogue]

Kirby Dream Friend D&D Class

Because there is 13 (ish) dream friends I must apply D&D classes to them

Bandana Dee: Monk: Way of the Kensei

King Dedede: Barbarian: Path of the Totem Warrior (mostly bear and eagle)

Meta Knight: Fighter: Battle Master (Dueling Style)

Rick & Kine & Coo: Druid: Circle of the Moon

Marx: Warlock: Archfey Patron (Pact of the Blade Beachball)

Gooey: Sorcerer: Wild Magic Origin

Adeleine & Ribbon: Bard: College of Creation 

Dark Meta Knight: Paladin: Oath of Conquest

Daroach: Rogue: Mastermind

Magolor: Wizard: School of Conjuration

Taranza: Ranger: Swarmkeeper

Susie: Artificer: Armorer

Three Mage Sisters: Clerics

-Francisca: War

-Flamberge: Light

-Zan Partizanne: Tempest

[miss-choco-chips]

Love like poison

Soo... I did that, huh. I have no excuses, I was sad, so now you’re all sad with me.

Warnings: angst. Hurt. Hospitals. Puking. Blood. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He can’t breath.

He had always been scarily good at deception, Dick thinks blandly. His heart is screaming, and crying, and being torned apart, but his mind is strangely steady. A calm voice, sounding all too much like Bruce when he just became his ward and was hounded by panic attack after panic attack, reminded him of his- their options. 

But it was hard, to listen to that part of himself. Hard to remember they still had time, Tim wasn’t dead yet, they still could…

Tim coughed again, and a waterfall of belladonnas, nightshades and clematis spilled into the ground.

(Danger, artifice and death. Whoever it was Tim loved, they couldn’t be worth this pain, if those were the flowers they filled him with)

Fully bloomed and bloodstained. This wasn’t a new disease; it had been left to fester inside the young man for too long, and now…

Now Tim couldn't breath.

Everything else took a backseat as he rushed towards him, falling into his knees by his side in the Cave’s cold floor, screaming for Alfred, Bruce… for help. 

-.-.-.-.-.-

He had been forced into bed rest. No one would budge, no matter how much he complained.

Then-

-I’ve been going out with Hanahaki for as long as I’ve been a vigilante; this is nothing.

Alfred had to leave the room. Bruce’s face had spasmed and closed, emotions tightly locked inside. Jason punched a hole through the wall and stormed off after the butler.

Damian had clutched Dick’s hand as he watched his intubated brother. It’d be forever their secret, how the youngest boy’s hands had trembled.

Tim just coughed again, and fell asleep clutching a bouquet of foxgloves and dogbane. Tucked in by insincerity and deception.

Dick could only cry the night away.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-I refuse.

Those two words stop the word in its axis. Hearts refuse to beat, birds quieten their singing, and it seems the wind itself stops howling, breath held in wait of the punchline. Of the explanation. Of the apology.

Tim offers none. Just looks outside the window and repeats his decision once the doctor enters to check the reason for Jason’s yelling.

Their begs go ignored. Their anger, scoffed at. Their cries produce little more than a sigh.

Tim  asks the nurse for a bucket and pukes a river of deathly flowers, seams and all. She pats his back in comfort and looks at them with pity in her eyes, because Tim is no longer a minor, they can’t force his hand, and the staff are under oath to respect the patient's wishes.

Hyacinths. Please forgive me.

I can’t forgive a corpse, he wants to say. He can’t- it wouldn’t be heard over Jason’s screams, or his own sobs. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tim signs the documents Lucius hands him with trembling hands. Dick has to steady him and hold his body upright, and press a handkerchief to his pale lips when he can’t keep the coughs inside any longer and spills fully bloomed oleander on the fabric. He’s careful that no drop of blood falls in the papers.

Distrust. He’s worried about the future of Wayne Enterprises, now that he’d no longer be at the helm.

Dick wants to shake him, shake him until he coughs out all the flowers, all the love, all the death. Until his lungs are free and his head is set straight. Until his cheeks flush again, his eyes get their shine back, and he’s warm and living once more. 

Wants to shake him as if he could spit his little brother out, along with the plants and blood. The little brother he basically raised, protected, mentored, loved. The one he’s about to lose.

He doesn’t. Wonders when, exactly, did he stop fighting for him.

And when did Tim stop fighting for himself?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cass and Steph had arrived two weeks after Tim’s hospitalization. They'd been deep undercover, and Bruce’s emergency call hadn’t reached them until just then.

When they stormed into Tim’s private rooms, the Wayne family felt a shadow of hope blossoming in their hearts. Was it Steph? They had been together a while ago, maybe Tim’s feelings had remained and he thought hers were gone. Maybe they weren’t, and they could…

Tim’s face didn’t turn wistful, but guilty.

Cass’s hand took his, and Stephanie’s fingers combed his hair away from his forehead. She retrieved a petal from within the locks; hydrangea. Thank you for understanding.

They knew?

The betrayal stung, but Dick forced himself into calmness before analyzing them better. Cass was the one who looked regretful but resigned. Stephanie, while carefully silent, was still despairing enough that he knew this was news for her as well. Maybe her partner had put her up to speed during their trip here?

And his sister… Tim had backed her up from the beginning, when both he and Batman distrusted her past. He had stood up for her and she had always been careful to repay him in kind. There was no point in getting mad at her now.

Dick just hoped their bond would be enough for her to convince him to take the damned operation now.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Conner Kent arrives one afternoon, grim faced but unsurprised. Dick suspects he’s known for a long time now, and hates him a little for not telling them. Not doing anything before Tim started choking on dangerously full bloomed plants.

Bruce must have been beyond himself with helplessness, if he called him. Dick’s own despair is the only reason he doesn’t punch him in his invulnerable jaw.

They left the room (some of them for the first time in days) when Conner asks, because they are just that desperate.

Tim and Conner talk around the issue, never saying any name, because they aren’t dumb enough to ignore the possibility of microphones and cameras.

They speak for hours. Kon reminds him of the time he has left (not a lot, dude). Tim replies he’s not ready (for what?). He pukes a beautiful, complete wisteria (I cling to thee). Conner takes it with shaking hands and puts it behind Tim’s ear, the purple contrasting with his dark hair and almost bringing life back to his deathly pale face. He nods, says he understands. Dick doesn’t.

The meta says they all miss him, at the tower. They want him back as soon as possible (they are not the only ones), so he better hurry up and get better. Tim pats his hand, whispers something they can’t hear, and then they hug for long minutes, maybe an hour (Dick’s perception of time is meassured by coughs and breaths, these days), until Tim chokes on air and pukes sweetpeas (Departure, remember me, good-bye, tender memory, thank you for a lovely time).

Conner cries a little when he leaves the room. Tim is again looking at his window. All signs of the happiness his friend brought with him, gone again, washed away like his petals on the wind.

Dick goes after him and wants to scream and insult and hit him.

‘Talk  him out of this!’

‘He needs the surgery!’

‘What are you good for, if you don’t convince him to fight for himself?’

‘Your best friend is dying and you’re doing nothing!’

‘Do you even love him? At all?!’

He ends up falling into his chest and crying, instead.

‘My little brother is dying, and I can’t do anything about it’

Conner doesn’t hug him back. Doesn’t even look at him when he dislodges Dick’s arms from his middle and turns away, leaving the hospital and any hope the Wayne family had of saving Tim behind.

There was scorn in his gaze, but he doesn’t need the meta to voice his thoughts, for him to get the message. Unneeded, besides; he already blames himself enough.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

-What are you doing?

For a few minutes, Dick thinks the words escape his own mouth. The question had been bouncing around in his head, but unvoiced; doubting Tim would even answer. He only ever spoke when Alfred or one of his friends came.

But no, it was Damian who asked, and Dick saw the bedridden boy parting his dry, bloodstained lips to answer.

-Thinking. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jason sitting straight in the couch he had claimed for himself a a few day prior. The four of them were alone at the time, and Dick felt a weak throb of hope at the idea that maybe without their Father, Tim would be willing to answer.

-About what? -asked Jay this time, voice rough for all the shouting he’d been doing lately. He was more mellow, today; tired of fighting against Tim’s imperturbable facade.

-About who. The one who planted these seeds in my lungs. Just… reminescenting.

-What the... ? Stop! -Dick’s voice broke- You know it makes the Hanahaki worse! You are just watering those, those… weeds! You are not even ignoring the precipice, you are speeding towards it!

Tim’s face never turned from the window. His hands fiddled with some nerium oleander flowers, a far away look in his eyes.

Distrust. Beware. Caution. What was Tim scared of, that was worse than death?

-I’m almost done, anyway -he sighed, letting the violet and bloody red petals fall to the bed. The white sheets and colorful flower made a sick disparity. 

Dick wanted to scream- What? Your life?

Jason and Damian flinched at his words. Tim smiled without humor.

-My resistance.

He sighed again, and didn’t speak for a long while. His eyes left the window to look at Dick, and they stayed like that for what seemed like hours, eyes locked, Tim’s unreadable icy blues against Dick’s sky ones.

When he finally did, it was to ask for a doctor.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

They were kicked out of the room. All of them, even Bruce. No matter how much money he offered, or how he reminded the hospital staff of their debt to his family; apparently, Tim had chosen the most morally upright doctors in the whole city to treat him. That, or he’d threaten them worse than even the Batman could. 

Both are equally plausible, coming from his scheming, cunning little brother.

Dick can’t breath, is holding all his air and emotions tight in his chest from the moment they are given the boot until a nurse approaches, face a blank mask but eyes betraying her relief.

Tim had agreed to the surgery.

He would live.

Dick is more focused on the colchicum she’s twisting in her hands.

My best days fled.

For a moment, he’s not sure who was the intended recipient of the message. Nor why his throat hurts so bad.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

There was going to be a long recovery time, they are told. Tim’s flowers were left free to fester and grow and twist inside of him for too long. A lot of tissue had to be removed along with the roots, the stems had scratched along his esophagus and…

And there was something else. Something the doctor refrained from telling them. Something that turned Tim’s smile empty when they visited him after the procedure, lying still in the too big bed. Had made his voice devoid of any feeling as he told them he’d be having his rehabilitation in San Francisco’s General Hospital. He had a house there, he informed them, and his own company, that he apparently had been preparing for a long time now.  He wouldn’t be opposed to future contracts with WE, but now was time for him to spread out his wings and fly. The Titans would look over him during his recovery, after all, and Gotham was no place for a bedridden vigilante anyway.

Dick felt cold all over.

A bouquet in Tim’s hands, gift from his friends, told them what they needed to know about his decision. 

Lantana. Unyielding. 

Pasque flower. You have no claim.

Azalea. Take care of yourself for me.

The operation should have gotten rid of Tim’ feelings towards the one he loved. Why was he leaving the entire family behind, instead?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Alfred wasn’t there when Tim was discharged. He had decided to go back to the mannor first, with both Cassandra and Stephanie, to ready everything for the family’s return. For those who were coming back, at least. Tim had said goodbye to him in private, Dick thinks. He doesn’t understand.

Bruce goes next, and he leaves the room shortly after, confusion as clear in his face as when he went in.

Jason and Damian entered together, neither trusting the other with their bedridden, weakened brother. Dick thinks, if there was something positive to take out of Tim’s suffering, was the cementing of his bond with both his predecessor and successor. They left with twin paper slips and a direction scratched on them. An invitation for the future.

As requested, Dick was the last one. He had to stop at the threshold and just relish in the image his brother gave. Healthier than he had been in weeks (maybe months, even), rosy cheeks, no sign of shadows under his eyes, easy smile stretching lazy lips. Hair a mess, but when wasn’t it? Still underweight, the days leading to the surgery, specially hard on his body, had prevented him from eating much of anything, but that was nothing a lot of care wouldn't solve. Care that would be provided by his friends, apparently. 

His heart throbs.

They hadn’t been alone in a room together in quite a long time. When Tim succumbed to Hanahaki and collapsed in the Cave, maybe? And before that? At least a year and a half, maybe two, before he gave Robin to Damian.

Tim is lounging by the window, travel backpack at his feet. Conner would be picking him up from the hospital’s rooftop any minute now, and the rest of their team had already went to the mannor for the rest of his luggage. 

One last goodbye, and Tim would be gone. 

(Better in San Francisco than dead, he thinks)

-Why? -he asks, unable to stop himself. The question had burned at his throat for too long now, and he wanted to cough to get rid of the feeling. He refrained; weary of anything that could delay his answers.

Tim, so tight lipped he had been lately on the subject, let his smile stretch an inch wider.

-I’ve been in love with you for as long as memory serves, Dick. 

Easy, voice almost breezy. As if had not completely turned Dick’s world over.

Unperturbed by Dick’s gasp and his sudden need to grasp the wall for support, Tim continued.

-My feelings for the rest of the family were built over that, and now that they are gone… well. I still care for them, the small part of me that wasn’t consumed by love grew to like them besides what I felt for you, but the feeling is… a lot smaller than it was before.

A small shrug, he looked at his wristwatch and bent to pick his backpack up. Apparently they were running out of time for their goodbye.

Dick had believed Tim had saved him for last because there were many things he needed to tell him. Turns out that he just didn’t care enough. Didn’t care anymore.

-You know how it is, when you stack everything over one little, unstable piece of yourself? When it collapses, it takes everything away. My life as a vigilante was spurred from meeting you so long ago. I came to be Bruce’s partner and later his son because of you. I made up with Jason and Damian because you edged us on. I guess Alfie, Cass and Steph are the most detached from that, so I’m cool with them now as well. The rest… I’ll guess we’ll see, from now on, how it goes. Fresh starts and all that.

He approaches Dick, still smiling. Dick has to force himself not to shiver. There’s nothing scary in Tim’s eyes, nothing dark; just lightness and calmness. 

He’d never noticed, how charged those eyes were when they looked at him. Now, they barely held anything. 

And that by itself was terrifying.

-I still care about you, don’t make that face -he laughs, but it’s… it’s not the laugh he’s used to. Not the one that screams so many feelings. Not the one that always made him felt like he was on top of the world just from earning it-. You are part of the Waynes. We’ll see each other soon enough, and I’m sure we’ll be able to built a new relationship that’s not linked with my hopeless love. It’ll probably take time, I’m bound to be very busy with my new company and my team, but hey, we’re young, there’s time.

Dick feels sick. His chest is so tight, he can’t breath.

-Don’t look so grim -Tim whispers, a hand careful on Dick’s shoulders-. You were right, the operation was for the best. I was just… desperate and lost, you know? I felt that way for so long, I didn’t knew how to be anything else than in love with you. Wasn’t sure how much of me would remain after getting rid of that part. Apparently -he waves at himself- enough. 

Another step, Tim was just by his side, still touching him but now closer. Another step, and he’d be out of the room.

-After everything went wrong between us… the flowers I used to have were prettier. Both in meaning and… well. Do you know what belladonnas, nightshades, clematis and every other flower I coughed had in common?

He shakes his head. Isn’t sure if Tim can see it over how hard he’s shaking.

-They are all poisonous. That’s what my love for you was in the end, Dick. It was poison, and it was killing me inside faster than even the Hanahaki, but I still nurtured it. Them. Those flowers were killing me, and I still cared for them, watered them with my tears and memories. I know, it was silly, but… Well, you know how people say ‘pick your poison’? I picked you. I hanged on until I couldn't anymore. Letting the flowers go was the hardest choice I ever made -he laughs, a little incredulous- and now that they are gone, I can’t even understand why. I guess only those in love can.

He’s still smiling when he lets go of Dick’s shoulder and steps out into the hallway. 

-Bye, Dick. See you soon, okay? Take care.

Dick stays there, frozen in the door, for a long time. Thinking of Tim, of the years spent together, the pain and the happiness they shared.

He remembers the kid he was, bright eyed. Always following him around when he had the chance, hanging out to Dick’s every word. Always kind, good beyond belief. Too much, for the life they lead. Too bright for all the darkness surrounding the Bat.

Until everything started crumbling. Until the weight of duty drove Dick into distrust. Into choosing. Into abandoning.

Until all those sweet memories turned into even sweeter poison.

The happy but naive kid, turned ruthless but righteous teen, turned dangerous and kind hearted young man. The kind of man who receives a vial of toxics from a loved one, and still drinks it with a smile. Still fights to do good. Still tries to keep his feelings, as hurtful as they turned to be, close to his heart.

He was heartbreakingly beautiful in his sadness when he decided to let go, and now in the lightheadedness of finally being able to breath.

Dick falls to his knees. Emotions too deep, too complicated, swim around his head.

He feels like he lost something invaluable. He’s not sure what: Tim is still there, alive and happy. And they’d have to rebuild their bridges, but that was possible as long as he was there.

So why…?

All comes crashing around him, and he allows himself to cough, trying to get the heaviness off his airways. To breath again, after Tim took all the air with him when he left.

He coughs, and coughs and coughs.

Ranunculus petals come out. I’m dazzled by your charms.

He coughs, heaves and pukes. Crawls into the room and closes the door behind him. No one can see.

Lilies of the valley, fully bloomed. Sweetness. Happiness through the ages. You’ve made my life complete.

Gasping for air, he drags himself to the nearest wall, back resting against it as he hides his face in knees drawn up against his chest.

A hemlock, bloodstained. You will cause my death.

A shadow passes by the window. It’s dark and blue and a little red; Superboy, taking Tim to San Francisco and away from him. From the man who almost killed him.

He cries in between coughs, as the garden of lost chances, poisonous flowers and blood grow around him. It’s grimly beautiful; no wonder Tim was hesitant of getting rid of it.

He can’t breath.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-