#the cut is for length not for spoilers. please go ahead and read this even if you havent seen the show. maybe I'll convince you to watch it!

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: Still...Beating...

Rottmnt Oneshot Summary: It's time to let go, now. The smell is overwhelming.

Still...Beating... : Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is a oneshot, and is completed. This fanfic is written by @devotedtosadpoetry who writes compelling and dark fanfics! Go ahead, go show them some love and support!!

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is five out of five!! This fic has minimal amounts of plot, due to the fact its a oneshot, though what plot there is, is incredibly intense and disturbing."

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Suspense/Mystery two out of five!! The suspense and mystery in this oneshot are just prominent enough to make you wanna read further, curious as to what's going on, and what had happened.

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Angst/Hurt is five out of five!! This oneshot is filled to the absolute brim with angst and hurt!! Everything is wrong, and nothing is right."

Fluff/Comfort: 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is zero out of five!! There is completely no fluff nor comfort to find in this fic. This fic is clearly written to have the opposite effect."

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Emotions Conveyed is five out of five!! This oneshot messed with my head good!! Its filled with such a sense of disturbance, and dread, oh man it made me uncomfortable (but in a good way ^^)"

Drama/Tension Level: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Drama/Tension Level is four out of five!! I'd say this oneshot definitely had a lot of tension in it. Tension between Leo and the rest of the brothers. For sure, things were tense and upsetting."

Triggers: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Triggers for this chapter are five out of five!! This oneshot is incredibly dark, and very disturbing. For context, in the beginning notes it says "The heart of an alligator snapping turtle can keep beating for up to five days after decapitation." So, with that in mind, please read through the tags, and know that this is a very dark fic."

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Legibility (Reading) is three out of five!! Still... Beating... was really enjoyable to read, as the writing style was smooth, and read very well indeed."

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Legibility (Audio) gets a four out of five!! I'd say this fanfic was even more enjoyable to listen to, as it contributed to the stress and suspense factor."

Length: 💛🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Length is one out of five!! The listening length for this fic is about 4-5 minutes long."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Personal thoughts on chapter below cut (Contains Spoilers)

Mikey never stopped making food in an attempt to combat what leaked under the door crack, and once it was made, it sat out until it vanished from the table. One would think a magician performed a trick on the food (as long as they didn’t check the trashcan). It didn’t take long for the box turtle to give up making anything. Everyone stayed out of the kitchen. Donnie didn’t work on his tech, only scrolling on his phone to make his eyes sting from the screen instead of emotions. Video after video. Article after article. Information he would store in the back of his mind for later, because right now, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. 

Oh gosh, this is just so dark and depressing. How the brothers are struggling, how they're desperately attempting to live a somewhat normal life. Mikey's baking because it makes him feel happy, but throws away each meal, because who's going to eat it? Nobody has an appetite anymore. Donnie's burying himself in his tech, using it as a form of escapism, to escape his life because its all gone down hill.

It was getting worse. Donnie covered his nose, wincing when he caught an awful whiff of what lay just behind the door. He heard mumbles from it—coming from a voice that hasn’t stopped talking in the last seventy-four hours. It was hoarse and weak now. Barely heard now. Barely forming syllables now. Donnie didn’t think about the things being said. It was only lies. Lies said to the evidence right there. 

Three days, and two hours. That's a long time to be awake. I don't know if Leo had been awake that whole time, but after 72 hours of no sleep, the brain looses the ability to think straight, and hallucinations begin to become frequent and complex. Not just little hallucinations, but big complex ones.

The distractions used never lasted due to the screaming. It came with a rhythm. When the heart started beating again. 

Part of the reason for this, is due to the fact that snapping turtles have slower metabolisms. The body can continue to function for extended periods of time, even when brain activity is disconnected.

Mikey was suddenly there, pushing Donnie back and shaking his head. He’d been crying again. Red rimmed eyes, puffy with the weight of one less brother. “Don’t…” he whispered. Although he was quieter, his desperation was the same as Leo’s. “Please, just…” The smallest and youngest brother hiccuped, “Leave them be. Leave them be…” More tears leaked out, Mikey wiped them. “You shouldn’t see…” 

Oh man... The amount of raw emotion packed into this paragraph is completely insane! The hurt, the desperation, the grief, the fear and terror. Its all so potent.

The scream was more desperate than the last. Mikey shook his head again, and Donnie pushed him away, taking a breath before opening the door to Raph’s room. The smell came in a wave. Decomposition and blood and sweat combined to remind Donnie of feces, powerful enough to make him gag. And Leo sat right against the thing, cradling the bloated body, holding it close. Fresh tears streamed down his face like he hadn’t done this several times already. The proof of that were the stains on his cheeks and his puffy red and bruised eyes. He was smiling like he’d discovered a wondrous thing, but saliva dripped from his mouth from his screaming. His voice sounded like it was rotting. Just like Raph’s body. “Donnie, where did you go? Why did you leave when Raph’s alive? He—he’s back!” Leo laughed, clutching the body tighter. “Raph’s alive! He’s breathing, Donnie! His heart is beating, Donnie! Come feel his heart, Donnie!” He placed his hand on the body’s chest. “Feel his heart, Donnie. It’s beating, Donnie…”

24-72 hours after death, the internal organs decompose. 3-5 days after death, the body starts to bloat and blood-containing foam leaks from the mouth and nose. 8-10 days after death, the body turns from green to red as the blood decomposes and the organs in the abdomen accumulate gas. I'd imagine that Raph's body is probably leaking and getting squishy. Like a rotting pumpkin. Its still somewhat solid due to not being that far along, and also, having a heart that still works, but its still clearly decomposing. Leo could actually get horribly sick like this, spending so much time with a decomposing body.

[diamondsandlemons]

Just finished my very slow quarantine rewatch of K-On!. Wanted to write down some of my thoughts and feelings. Several paragraphs under the cut!

I’ll get this out of the way first; the recurring “joke” where Sawako tries to get the light music club to wear sexy outfits is uhhhh terrible, borderline sexual harassment. Luckily they mostly cut that out in the 2nd season, (which is great because otherwise her relationship with them is really nice) and other than that the show is perfect in pretty much every way.

Isn’t it weird how the first season takes place across two years, but the second season (which is twice as long) takes place across only one year? No idea how they pulled that off without it feeling strange, but they totally did.

I love this show so much. It’s great as a “cute girls doing cute things” type of anime, but its also substantially different that others of that type (that I’ve seen). It feels much more real. For one thing there obviously aren't any brightly-colored anime protagonist haircuts, so I guess it is more realistic from a character design standpoint.

But also just, everything... I think the school is based on a real school building, which makes it REALLY stand out from the very generic appearance of most anime schools. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole town is based on a real place actually (if so I bet that's great for the people who live there- remembering my experience watching Steven Universe for the first time and seeing a real place I know quite well translated into animation)

But yeah, there’s just so much detail put into all the backgrounds and character animations. It’s incredibly,,, believable, I guess. It’s pretty timeless too, there’s hardly anything anchoring it a specific time period, so it can be relatable for all time (although, it is kinda funny on the rare occasion things do pop up, like when they literally use tapes to record music...)

And I was thinking about this recently, I think the opening and ending themes are somewhat unique as well. How many other animes have OPs and EDs that are rock songs actually performed by the characters? I mean, it’s catchy pop-rock, so I guess that’s probably not so uncommon (also I know nothing about music genres so this might just be entirely wrong). But I can’t think of many other examples of the characters literally performing the music. And the ending themes are like fully produced music videos! its great. Unfortunately its not diegetic; I don't think any of those songs actually exist in the lore. (and I haven't even mentioned the BGM scores... which are all perfect).

The third OP and ED are my favorite of each, btw (at least thats how I feel atm. I admit it could be because I like just finished watching the show so those are the ones I heard most recently). I love how the third opening is upbeat and energetic like the rest, but in the last 15 seconds it shifts into something slightly more melancholy. Reminding you that K-On! is approaching its end, but you should still feel happy and grateful for the time you spent with it. A nostalgic feeling.

I feel like nostalgia is an important part of the whole show’s tone, actually. (Though again I could be biased on this, I may very well just be nostalgic for when I first watched it (which was while I was in high school)). 

So much time is spent in the episodes approaching the ending focused on what’s going to come next for the Light Music Club; both the characters, who have to figure out where to go to college, and what they want to study, and the club itself, which will (hopefully) live on without them. (Azusa and Sawako-sensei will make sure of that). I can’t help but feel like that’s the point. HTT goofing off in the music room after school was never something that could’ve lasted forever, but for the time it did, it was incredibly impactful. Both the big stuff (live on-stage performances, trip abroad to England, etc.) and the little stuff (tea and cake every day, animal costumes for no reason, etc).

What K-On! is most of all is “comfortable.” That’s what lead me to turn it on again at the beginning of the pandemic, I just wanted something light and cute and comfy. It’s definetly “real” but it’s also “nostolgic.” It’s like what you remember good times feeling like. And since it’s immortalized in animation, it’ll always be that good.

Bonus thoughts:

... ... ...Hey, what happens to Ton-chan after the end of the show??? Hm. I think my headcanon is that he stays in the club room for a year, but then Azusa can’t bear to part with him when she graduates, so she takes him home.

Also its sad to think about, but HTT probably wont keep in touch with Sawako in the long run. I mean, I had some very formative teachers who I liked a lot, but I don’t ever talk to them. or event think about them most of the time. She’ll be fine though, she’ll have the future of the club to worry about. New students constantly cycling in and out with the years. Hopefully.

Mugi is definetly a lesbian, and I greatly appreciate that. (the others are less cut and dry but I’m gonna throw out some guesses. Ritsu is bi preferring men. Mio is ace. Azusa’s also a lesbian. Sawako is bi but she needs to keep a lid on it around high schoolers, as I already mentioned. Yui, I have absolutely no fucking clue)

These girls spend a lot of time at McDonalds.

(I haven’t actually rewatched the movie yet. I plan to do that within the next few days, then after that I may or may not come back to this post and add something, if I have anything new to add! edit: seen the movie, it’s great, better than I remembered actually. but other than that I don’t have much to say. Please go watch k-on if you haven’t already!)

[twary]

aaa hello! congrats on reaching 350, here's to moreee \(^o^)/ ((I really enjoyed reading your sdc works, they just make my day waaaaa 🥺❤️))

for the love confession prompt, may I request number 11 ("I don't know what the future holds. all I know is that I hope you're in it.") for Kakyoin? SFW would be nice, but honestly I'm alright with anything you end up with when working on the prompt! 🥰

I hope you have a great day/night ahead of you!!! 💖💖💖

AAAAAAA THANK UUUUU <3 Knowing that my writing makes you happy is just wonderful 🥺😭✨

Also, thanks for the lovely request, i think it's the first one with our precious cherry boy!🍒💚

And i think that i have just the right scenario for this! Hope ur having a good day/night too darling (❁´◡`❁)

~The prompt list is closed for now, but you still can make general requests!~

TW: sdc alternative ending and spoilers

"I don't know what the future holds. All I know is that I hope you're in it." x Kakyoin

Cut for length~

The journey was finally over, Dio was defeated, but at what cost? Much was lost, especially friends; Avdol and Iggy were dead and Kakyoin was badly injured, it is not possible to know if he will get out of this. Right now he is in a helicopter on his way to one of the SPW hospitals.

The situation was heartbroken, it's clear as water to the crusaders that you like Noriaki. You always had feelings for him and never had the chance to talk to him, it couldn't end like this! You basically begged to be taken to the hospital where he would be staying, but Polnareff stopped you.

"(Y/N), we know how you're feeling right now and that you want to do something to help him, i want too! But...Unfortunately the only thing we can do now is wait and see how things unfold."

You're desperate, but he's right…

A few weeks passed, you, Joseph and Jotaro had already returned to Japan and Polnareff was already in his home country, France. Kakyoin didn't leave your mind even for a second, you wanted to visit him, even if it's to see the worst, you can't stand being in this agonizing situation anymore!

You were doing some dishes when the phone rang:

"HE'S AWAKE?!"

It was from the hospital that Kakyoin was staying at, they gave you the best news you could ever want: Kakyoin was alive and conscious. You didn't even bother to hang up the phone, you just ran out of the house to go to the hospital. Finally, after so much anguish, you could see him, talk to him, hug him!

When you arrived at the hospital you were already out of breath, U don't think you've ever gotten anywhere in such a hurry as today. You also expected to find the crusaders, or at least Jotaro, but there was only you waiting to see him, were they notified before you?

"(L/N) Isn't it? You can come in now, please."

Well, it doesn't matter now, the nurse has finally called your name.

"I'll get some medicine that the patient will need to take, I'll be back in a few moments, feel free to talk to him."

She gets out of the room and let you in. The tears were almost instant when you laid eyes on him.

"Kakyoin!" Your voice is shaky.

You ran towards him and took his hand, as happy as you were to see him, you didn't know what had happened to his body, it was better not to risk hurting him.

"Haha, i've missed you too (Y/N)"

He is smiling, oh god! How much you missed that smile!

"There, there...No need to cry, hm?"

"No need? I couldn't stop thinking about you at any time! oh my god i'm so happy to see you again!"

You take his hand to your face.

"It's so good to know you're okay..."

Little tears are falling down. With his thumb he caresses your face. There is a small moment of silence.

"Oh, right, you've already saw Jotaro and the others right? I bet you were really happy to see them too! Everyone was worried about you, the situation was very agonizing."

"Well, actually you are the first person who came to see me"

"What?! They didn't want to see you?!"

"No, no, no, it's nothing like this! I just wanted to see you first, the others still don't know about me..."

You stop for a moment.

"I wanted to talk to you first..."

He removes the blanket from his lap and lifts his shirt a little, revealing a large scar.

"Look, I ended up suffering very severe injuries from the fight against Dio, my condition is rpomissive, but the doctors don't know if I'll be able to do some things again like I was before, such as standing or walking...I'm trying to be positive, but this got me very worried, actually. So...I don't know what the future holds."

It hits you really hard, your head is down. But then he finishes his sentence.

"All I know is that I hope you're in it."

You look again at him "What...?"

He giggles a little nervous.

"You know, that day after using Hierophant for the last time and feeling my eyes closing, many things went through my head, one of them was you. actually the main one was you."

You are a little confused, he can see it in your expression.

"W-What i'm trying to say is...I never had the chance to tell you how i feel, I didn't want to go before saying that…That I fell in love with you...I never felt the things you made me feel in just 50 days. I even told Hierophant about you, haha!"

"At that time when the doctors were fighting to save me I was fighting to be able to see you again. I'm glad that i did it..." He looks at you with soft eyes. "I'm glad that i meet you, (Y/N)"

He holds your hand and gently pulls you towards him. Your faces are really close, you can feel his warmth"

"I'm really glad..." His voice is low.

Kakyoin's lips finally meet yours. The kiss is slow, soft yet passionate...He is taking his sweet time, it seems like he was waiting for this moment for long. When the kiss end you're both breathless, Kakyoin turns red when see you like this.

"S-Sorry, it lasted longer than I had predicted"

You're still holding hands.

"I don't mind doing it again, ya know?" You approach him again.

"Sorry for the wait, they're organizing the stock, it's a mess- Oh! Am i interrupting something?~"

The nurse was by the door with some medicines in hand, she has a suggestive smile on her face.

You jump out of your place "N-No! there's nothing to be interrupted!"

You're as red as Kakyoin. You two exchange glances for a second and let out little giggles.

Oh, heaven knows how much you missed that smile.

[completeoveranalysis]

[26]

WAIT IM COMING BACK TO THIS

~

Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far. 

Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga. 

~

Listen the genius of having the FIRST ARC of the story focusing around a case of mistaken Syaoran identity?

The first major-length conflict we get to see unfold is over Which of These Two Similar Characters Is Syaoran Really?

Right from the BEGINNING we are introduced to the idea of “What is a Syaoran? Who is Syaoran from an outside perspective? Who can Syaoran be confused with?” and I think it’s genuinely MASTERFUL that on the first read through it reads as Ridiculous. 

On the first read through we are Shougo in this conversation. OF COURSE Syaoran is Syaoran and Masayoshi is Masayoshi. Their appearance is all we need to tell them apart! Silly Primera! 

And yet!

AND YET!

Cut to a hundred chapters in the future and this is no longer true. Appearance is no longer enough to easily identify who is Syaoran, because we have TWO Syaorans, and also our original Syaoran is actually not inside Syaoran anymore!

When loaded up with hindsight Shougo’s insistence that you can easily look at someone and tell that it’s Syaoran because they look like Syaoran is both incorrect and makes you NOSTALGIC for the time when this was actually true. Remember when you could look at a character and know for sure if it was Syaoran? OH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS. 

It gets even worse if you expand this idea to people like Fai who LOOK LIKE FAI and ARE CALLED FAI but there were TWO FAI who were NOT BOTH FAI but BOTH LOOKED LIKE FAI and THIS FAI is NOT THE REAL FAI but he’s OUR FAI and is GOING BY FAI to RESURRECT FAI and will eventually grow as a character and JUST EXIST AS FAI WITHOUT WANTING TO TRADE FAI FOR FAI 

Primera was way ahead of her time.

[paddymoonstruck]

𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬┃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

chapter one

warnings: cursing, mentions of death, season 4/manga spoilers ??? (that’s about it, think!)

word count: 2,705

notes: this is the first installment of wistful irises !!! i guess it would be a slow-burn fic that would contain 5 or more chapters. i wrote this to cope with the tragedy of AOT manga chapter 138 — that’s just fucked up tbh.  please give this one a like/reblog/feedback so i know whether or not you liked it !!

NEXT CHAPTER: H E R E

𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐟, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

It was quiet — so eerily quiet, a hand came up to soothe her ears bitten by the cold wind. Devon’s palm felt at the rough rubbles on the surface of which she was sat on. Everything she laid eyes on tugged at her heart, scanning at her surroundings as if she looked one more time, her vision would change. 

Alas, she gazed upon the damaged cities from her place atop Wall Rose, with no success. Devon threw her head back, opting to find comfort at the stars that laid peacefully on the sky. 

“They’re dead.” She asserted, nearly winced at the wave of overwhelming devastation rushing at her heart. 

However, she was unsure who or what she was alluding to. Was it the people of Paradis? Those she lost? Or even — the stars?

Nothing was clear, at the moment. Only hurt and confusion clouded her devices. She found her palms closing in on the small rubbles she had caught, clutching them tightly in her fist.

It had been four years since everything went into a complete spiral. Perhaps it was for her alone, considering a massive part of her died along with the hundreds of comrades who sacrificed themselves for the sake of the truth. 

She remembered the day they found out about the life that existed beyond these walls. The walls she had known all her life, was quite literally, made to imprison its people. It was unclear whether she was angry or sad that there was a whole world out there that hated their existence so much that they’d created monsters to attack them. 

“It’s late, Devon.” 

She recognized that sweet-tuned voice instantly but didn’t turn to look his way as she spoke. “It’s awfully cold, too.” Her voice came in a whisper.

Her new companions footsteps grew closer, making her glance to her right. “Are you here to wallow in despair with me, Armin?” 

The blonde simply sat down beside his friend, looking ahead the dark path. “No,” He answered. “I was just looking for you.”

The silence returned after that. Chilly air wafting at the night, Devon laid her hands on her lap, inspecting how they’ve gotten small cuts from the sharp stone she had held. Her ears felt blocked as her hands began to tremble. She clenched her teeth in the hopes to ebb away her impending emotions. She exhaled a shattered breath, pressing her hands against the skin of her face. 

Armin’s hand that intended to ease Devon’s cries, seem to have worsen them the moment it touched her. However, he continued on, rubbing small circles at the column of her back. 

“I — “ Devon started, her voice failing her as another ripple of pain pounded at her chest. 

An encouraging hand reached up against her own, gently coaxing her into a state of solace, just enough for her to be able to convey her emotions.

With a breath, Devon began once more. “I thought we’ll be close to peace, once we discovered what was in that goddamn basement,” She laughed, lacking humor. The back of her palm wiping at the tears that had fallen on her cheeks. “But — it was just another door to one more disaster.” 

“That’s true,” Armin agreed, but still mulled over her words. “It is a big step from freedom, though.”

She gritted her teeth, baring the headache that came with it. There was a part of her that knew it was the exact idea Armin had in mind. Regardless of her understanding, she couldn’t help but feel a whistle of displeasure crawling against her lips.

With a swing of her head, she finally flashed her attention to Armin. Devon gave him a once-over, noticing how his once shoulder-length hair, had been cut shorter, lips curled into a frown, dragging down a creases on his forehead. The main thing that always saddened Devon was the look in his eyes.

Armin was the last person Devon thought she’d see with those haunting wisp. He was the last shred of hope she had in this world, even before everything came tumbling down, Devon saw Armin as a beacon, that she could run to whenever it all became horrifyingly dark— staring at him now, Devon felt extremely helpless, loneliness grasping at her throat, catching herself reaching for Armin’s hand that was placed on her back, snatching it on her own.

“We’ve lost so much,” She mumbled, compressing her grip on his hand. “I can’t afford to lose anything anymore— Armin—”

“You won’t—”

“— If we go tomorrow, I will—”

“Devon—”

“No— we’re going into a lion’s den! Every single person in that goddamn land wants us dead!” She stressed, leaning in closer to Arnim as if it’s bound to improve his comprehension.

Armin halted, observing the panic flood in Devon’s sunken eyes. The usual brilliance of its green hue had faded over time. In it’s place were tired, dull irises staring back at him.

He swallowed the lump building up his throat, nodding in understanding. “I know— but we have to bring him home, Devon.”

With a quick dark chuckle, Devon faced the sky, leaning her head back. “I don’t even know if I want to see him,”

Huffing out a breath Armin was holding, he abruptly got on his feet, pulling his hands from Devon’s freezing ones.

The latter flashed him a confused glance, awaiting his next move. She watched as Armin shook off his Survey Corps jacket, soon hanging it on her shoulders.

Maybe it was the topic of discussion that made them neglect the air that had been a lot chillier than before. Devon felt warmth seeping back into her skin as she hugged the material tighter against her body.

“You don’t seem to have a choice for the matter,” Armin muttered, gazing down at her. “Whether or not you’re in good terms with him, Eren still belong with us.”

Devon grimaced, as if Armin had said something completely ridiculous— in her eyes, it was.

She recalled that painful night, about three months ago. The night Eren decided to sneak out and leave Paradis. He had been babbling about it for weeks prior to his escape. Devon made the mistake of thinking it was all that— mindless babbling.

She was wrong, of course. Eren had actually planned everything. He was going to see through his stupid plan.

“Are being fucking serious right now?” Devon hissed, distressed eyes were scanning Eren’s face, hoping this was some sick prank he’d gotten everyone in.

Eren cringed at the volume of her voice, hands putting up immediately to cup her mouth. “Devon— Please— Listen, yeah?”

His pleas were met by deaf ears, as Devon slapped his plams away from his mouth, glaring at him with the outmost disbelief.

“You’re being stupid,” She scoffed. “This is stupid— Eren— You want to go there?” Her furrowed eyebrows deepened the more she thought about it.

Eren bit his lip, nodding slowly, standing rigid in front of her, frozen at the fire in her eyes. He examined her, sitting on her bed, contemplating the information he threw at her face.

The light of the single candle in the room, illuminated the left side of her face as she turned to him again. “What ever you think is going to fix this, it’ll only call for another war—”

“That’s nothing new.”

“You selfish—” She had lunged at him, limbs acting before her brain. “—little brat—!” An echo deafening resounded in the small enclosed space, rearing on the silence it followed. Devon’s palm stung, eyes raging and barely seeing anything beyond her seething anger.

Before she had the mind to process anything, her head banged against a solid surface, a groan leaving her lips from the impact.

Everything was fuzzy, scarcely making out anything at sight. Only cloudy images filled her vision, almost not feeling the bruising grip pressing her down by the wrists.

The searing breath near her ear, felt uncomfortably cold, a pair of lips grazing at the tip, making her shudder.

“For your own protection— all of you— remember that . . .”

The words echoed, but she could barely hear the last ones, as her breath turned calmer, the last thing she saw were those turquoise orbs, looking back at her with an emotion she couldn’t quite read.

Devon shook herself out of the memory. There was more to it, she knew that — but she couldn’t seem to remember. When she tries, a huge headache always came crashing down on her. A sick wave slapped her as she thought about the dreadful possibility of Eren, messing with her memories. 

She hated the big gapping wall in her mind. It was always incomplete, left her nothing but empty guesses about what else he could have said to her that night before he left her hanging with a missing piece in her heart. 

He left them — and just like that, he gets to come home in the most unnecessarily brutal way possible. Eren was asking for a bloodbath, and unfortunately, that was what most likely going to happen tomorrow.

“He’s going to get us killed.” She muttered, voice thinning at the thought of her fallen comrades — endless blood — fire — explosions — “We’ll be lucky if we all make it out in one piece.” 

This time, Armin didn’t contract her declaration, having her look down. He was frighteningly aware of the fact that any of them could die at any given moment. It brought him peril at how Devon had smacked him in the face with the reality he was trying to avoid. A part of him wanted to believe it was all going to go smoothly, but the logical part of him had mulled over the dreadful alternative for a long time now.

He sympathized with the hostile feelings Devon had grown for Eren. Perhaps it was due to the puzzling relationship they possessed. If he was to base it on his observations alone, it was painfully obvious that they cared deeply for one another but never had the time or courage to say it. 

No one has ever pried about their relationship, since they both dismissed it as nonsense. It was perplexing yet as clear as day what they had for each other. 

They would always be found bicker when they were younger, Devon calling Eren an ugly airhead then Eren shooting back that they were the same. Back then, it was true. They were kids who thought they could do everything themselves. Armin could say, Devon grew out of that attitude as time passed by when he got to know Devon a little better. 

After the battle with Zeke, Reiner and Bertholdt, the amount of trauma everyone endured was terrible. The bloody aftermath of Paradis was engraved into their minds, never fading until their last breath. 

The guilt ate at Armin when he found out how he came to be alive. He often wondered why it was him. Why did Captain Levi give him the chance to live over Commander Erwin. 

On the other hand, remorse gripped at Devon’s throat at the unintentional betrayal that crossed her mind that day. She found herself opening her mouth before she could hide it away. 

“I was so desperate for peace . . .” She whispered, yanking down Armin by his hands, his behind slamming against the hard concrete as he was forced to sit down in front of her. “That I . . . For a long time — I believed that only Erwin could lead us there —”

“It’s alright — “

“It isn’t — it was meant to make me happy, for goodness sake — you came back from the dead after I stood there and watch you get burned alive . . .” She failed to realize she was crying until she felt droplets of her tears falling on her hands, intertwined with Armin’s.

Looking away, she continued, Armin watching her carefully. “Mikasa and Eren were desperately convincing Captain Levi to resurrect you — while I stared at both yours and Commander Erwin’s body , absolutely loathing the choice that had to be made.” 

Devon could no longer hold in her heavy sobs, as it broke through her completely. “I get why you thought that, and you weren’t selfish for doing it, were you?” She listened to Armin’s reassuring voice. “You thought Erwin should’ve had it because you believed people would follow him and would avoid getting hurt — “

“ — you’d be able to do that too, though . . .” Devon countered, sniffling as she glanced back at Armin’s oceanic orbs. “I was just blinded by fear to think straight back then.”

Armin smiled at Devon in a silent gratitude. “I thought about everything you did, too, and maybe you’re right, maybe I’m too blinded by my own fears to face another life that was given to me — but I promised Captain Levi and Commander Hanji I’ll do everything it takes to bring us the peace we’ve been seeking out for years.”

Devon winced at the sudden touch on her head, chestnut locks swishing from one side after the other as Armin ruffled her hair. 

“Regretting could only get you so far,” Armin stated, a small smile gracing his face. “What’s important is what you decide to do about it.”

Warmth flooded at Devon’s core, nearly bursting into tears at Armin’s comforting words. Her mind went back to Eren, his circumstances and living conditions on that island were mostly unknown. But seeing as he had the facilities to send a letter, hints that it must be at the least safe.

She started to fly over the scattered thoughts inside her head, mulling over how mentally drained she has been, yet the noise and dull of her heart seem to only worsen. The countless times she had to convince herself of the good things left in the world to bask the gift of life, but lately, she found herself sitting by the windowsill of her room. Eyes always glancing up the sky whether or not they were painted with shining stars. 

Devon often clutched her chest when the uncontrollable pangs in her heart refuses to remain still. Some days, the rejection of waking up rattles her tremendously, and the refusal to face the day ahead was stronger than anything. 

She wanted nothing more than to take a few steps back and reverse time to relish the tranquility of it all. It sounded ridiculously selfish, but she’d trade anything if it means she would awake to Eren and Jean’s loud voices arguing or to see Sasha pocket goods she had stolen from the kitchen while being chased down by Armin. And oh — what she wouldn’t give to replay the day they’ve all bonded together after Keith Shadis made Sasha run until she was in the brink of insanity. 

It’s those little things that made her nostalgic, bringing a sad smile on her lips that she wasn’t sure if she wanted those thoughts randomly popping up her mind. Sometimes, disbelief hits her harder than anything whenever she’d allow herself to scan the faces of what’s left of her teammates. 

When Erwin had told them, he knows “they’d one day go far and achieve great things”, if he was still here, Devon would surely make him look at what had become of them. 

Everyone was preparing for the expedition in Marley tomorrow. Devon had exited the room when she had heard the severity of the situation. Eren was going to wreck havoc in that foreign island and he gave them no other choice than to lend him aid. 

It was rather conflicting, Devon was worried for him but nonetheless, despised his living-breathing self. She often wondered about his whole motive, considering his adamant proclamation that it wasn’t for his own self-indulgence. 

It felt like it was, as she began to feel the shuddering screams of the impending battle that was set to take place. 

If another life of her loved one’s taken from her tomorrow, she fears that it might throw her in an unstable state and she had every right to blame it all on Eren.

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

[illuminatedquill]

Nevertheless, The Finale (Review)

(We could have had this. We could have had it. God, this hurts to write.) 

Crash landing. 

That’s what comes to mind as I watched the final scene in episode 10 of Nevertheless. We’re here. We made it. 

But not for the better. At some point, the engines burst into flame, the wings fell off, the pilots jumped out and we, the viewers, were forced to put our heads between our knees and endure the worst kdrama ending I have ever seen with my own two eyes in recent history. 

If you’re reading this and haven’t seen the finale yet, I am warning you now: SPOILERS AHEAD. 

For the last time, let’s get into it. 

This is immensely painful to write. I don’t know what happened in the writers room between episode 9 and episode 10, because, how we came to this ending makes no sense. None at all. I spoke at length about it another post a couple days ago regarding the spoilers photos that were leaked; the writers, after having established so much growth in episode 9 for Na Bi, surely weren’t going to just throw it all out the window for episode 10, right? 

Yet, here we are. That’s exactly what happened. 

First off, I want to talk about the visual elements in this episode: it sucked. Normally, Nevertheless cinematography is top tier and always praise worthy and, here, it felt off to me. I wasn’t drawn is as I usually was. Also the pacing dragged for the first thirty minutes as we see Na Bi and Jae Eon deal with aftermath of their “breakup”. It’s not until almost halfway through the episode that it finally picks up with the destruction of her sculpture. 

Jae Eon finds out and vows to help her rebuild it and then leave her alone afterwards. He makes a comment on how she’s at her prettiest when working on her art. Once it’s finished, he leaves her alone, as promised. 

Okay. Good. So far, so good. 

And then, we hit the café scene with Do Hyeok. And my stomach dropped. All that nice, comfortable, affectionate energy that was building between them vanished. Na Bi speaks about her sculpture and how her assistants really helped her (speaking clearly about Jae Eon). 

And I knew. I knew how it was going to end. And so did Do Hyeok. He doesn’t know that Jae Eon is one of her assistants, but I think he guesses by the way Na Bi talks. Na Bi thinks the whole experience was terrible but from the way she talks about it, Do Hyeok points out “maybe you were actually enjoying it the whole time.” Seeing his cheerful smile drop was just crushing. 

Oh, Do Hyeok. They did you so bad in this episode. 

(And WTF do you mean she was actually enjoying it the whole time, writers?! She was freaking miserable for FIVE WHOLE EPISODES. What toxic BS is this? Sweet Jesus, I wanted to punch something so bad.) 

And my outrage at how off the chemistry was between Na Bi and Do Hyeok; it was just so wrong. It felt so forced. 

And then hits just kept on coming. Na Bi brings out the butterfly pendant and puts it on. God, please, no. 

And then. Do Hyeok returns for his second confession scene. And, hoo boy, what Na Bi said made me almost have a stroke: 

Do Hyeok: “Do you still like Jae Eon?” 

Na Bi: “Yes, I think I do. I know he’s not someone who will make me happy. But, I was really happy with the moments I spent with you, Do Hyeok.” 

What. 

What. 

What. 

Na Bi knows that Jae Eon will not make her happy. She was really happy with the moments she spent with Do Hyeok. But she still chooses Jae Eon. 

Does not compute. 

No tears from Na Bi and Do Hyeok as they say goodbye to each other. A simple thank you from Do Hyeok and he walks out, flowers in hand. 

Your childhood best friend who has been loving you unconditionally just confessed and you can’t even muster some tears as you part ways. Like I said, something is wrong here. Seriously wrong. 

(I had to pause the episode and go for a walk around the house to clear my head when I saw this. Like, writers, how the hell does that make sense!)

Na Bi even admits in her confession to Jae Eon that she hates him. But then proceeds to ask him out. 

And that’s it. They go on a date, wearing their respective colors (gag me, please), and that’s it. 

Or, is it? 

Because this show is always good with details. And I noticed something interesting at the end, when they’re walking along, holding hands. 

Na Bi and Jae Eon walk by a restaurant and Na Bi spots Do Hyeok sitting inside. He’s clearly talking to someone, but we don’t see who. 

And, interestingly, Na Bi’s hand almost slips out of Jae Eon’s. There’s a curious expression on her face as she cranes her neck to see who Do Hyeok is speaking with. It’s just a brief moment before Jae Eon pulls her away to continue their walk, and she resumes her hand holding. 

So. There’s that. A potential set up for a second season. I don’t know, don’t ask; nothing’s been confirmed. We’ll see. 

I have to say something - this episode was utter BS. Something weird was going on behind the scenes here, and I can prove it. 

If you watched the preview, like I did, you might have been mistaken in the belief that Na Bi and Do Hyeok were clearly endgame. Why? 

Because she accepted his flowers. The preview shows her walking inside the art gallery holding them, resulting in the lovely photos of them smiling brightly at each other in the above screenshots (the first two). But in the actual episode itself, Na Bi doesn’t accept the flowers and we don’t see the scenes I just talked about. It just cuts straight to her reunion with Jae Eon. 

Do you see what I’m getting at? This isn’t some conspiracy theory. What was shown in the preview and what was shown in the actual episode was completely different. 

They changed the ending. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Do Hyeok and Na Bi were going to be the endgame, and someone forced them to change it to Jae Eon and Na Bi instead. Perhaps for a setup for Season 2 or someone important really, really wanted Song Kang to get the girl this time. 

If it’s setup for season 2, especially coupled with the last scene that suggests that Na Bi’s and Jae Eon’s relationship isn’t going to last (and it’s not, especially if the Fanfic writers have anything to say about it), I’m all for it. Because that means Na Bi and Do Hyeok are endgame. I’ll suffer through another ten episodes if it means that, long as the same cast and team return. 

If not, then, this is the ending. And it’s terrible. 

I know it hurts. But, I just want to remind everyone that this is just one chapter in Na Bi’s life and nothing between her and Jae Eon are guaranteed to last. I wrote a post some weeks ago how, if they really wanted to make these two endgame, then the writers needed to do the work. Show the characters working through their issues to become healthier, happier people and convince me that they could be a solid couple in the long run. 

None of that happened in this episode. Or any of the other episodes proceeding it. Na Bi and Jae Eon spent five episodes just staring at each other and not talking, and then suddenly, a last minute redemption. If there is not going to be a second season, then this is the cheapest, most cop out ending for a kdrama ever. And it really hurts because they really set a high standard for themselves.

Nevertheless promoted itself as a hyper realistic show that wanted to be different from any other kdrama and instead ended up with the most cliche, disappointing finale I have seen in recent memory. What a failure. There needs to be a second season to redeem this dumpster fire of an ending. 

Well, that’s all for now. I’m going to watching some other stuff to cleanse this from my memory. 

I have two more posts planned for this show and then I’m out for good or until they announce a second season. First post - as promised, my character analysis for our “heroine” Yu Na Bi. I wanted to wait until the series finished to really get a take on her character and, well, I don’t think I’m going to be nice. 

And the second post will be an overall review/analysis for the entire drama. All of it; the themes, the acting, the direction, the music, the plot, the writing; the good, the bad, the ugly. 

My condolences to everyone who stuck it through from beginning to end. I’m really sorry you wasted your time. 

As always, I welcome any discussion. Reply here or message me! I always love to hear your thoughts. 

Until next time, everyone. 

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

Yes, I did just watch episode 2 at 5:30 in the morning.

No, I am not sorry. Not at the moment, although when I inevitably crash later this afternoon, I will be.

Just some very, very quick - and scattered and messy - thoughts: That is a straight up lie; they’re definitely scattered and messy but not very quick at all.

Under the cut for spoilers and length.

I’m going to start with Loki’s characterization. My honest opinion is that Loki’s overall characterization feels like a fic characterization. He definitely is not Avengers Loki, like, at all. I don't know if Tom just, like, forgot how to play that Loki or ...?? That, or Loki was so much more mind-controlled than we realized and getting hulk-smashed just completely reset him back to zero but also fucked him up a little bit and affected his personality, kind of like how some people completely develop weird new personality quirks after a traumatic brain injury.

… yeah, I think that’s where I’m gonna land for now. TV series!Loki feels like a more-or-less canon version of Loki, but if that Loki got hit in the head really hard and now he’s just a little bit fucked up but overall no worse for the wear. Which - it may be that it’s so early in the morning, but that’s actually really fucking funny to me, lmao. God, I kill me. It’s not funny.

No, but, that’s pretty much how I feel. He’s ooc but he’s also ic, and the reason I’m not particularly bothered by the inconsistency, for lack of a better word, is because that’s what pretty much every fic Loki already feels like to me? (Including my own, so I’m not, like, saying that in a derogatory way.) Which is why I say Loki feels like a fic!Loki and to try to explain it better - there is always, for me, a little suspension of disbelief that I employ when I read fic. The reason for that is because the context, the plot, and the dynamics of the fic are usually pretty different than what we ever get in canon, so it becomes a matter of taking film!Loki and, like, bending him a bit in order to fit him into the perimeters of the fic.

The result ends up being that I don’t see the exact Avengers!Loki or TDW!Loki, and thus by definition the portrayal is ooc, but the version that I do see feels like a genuine extension of the canon version, possessing enough of Loki’s overall traits and characteristics that he feels authentic, albeit a bit pretzeled for the new context.

I honestly think that’s something that’s unavoidable, just due to the fact that in fic - and now, in this series - there are a lot more variables at play than there are in the films, wherein Loki is not just a supporting character but also the villain/antagonist and is therefore very limited in what he does/what the narrative allows him to do. When those limitations are taken away, what are we going to see? Probably a lot of different things, and yeah, a lot of them are going to feel a little ooc. And, like in fic, even if the characterization mostly lands, there are definitely bits and pieces (some fics more than others lean this way) where the author didn’t stick the landing or got carried away or otherwise probably forgot for a while that they were writing Loki, not their own OC.

That’s the point where it strays into cringe territory for me (and where the ‘heh, he’s Loki but with a brain injury’ aspect comes in), but while I had to consciously decide to just ignore those moments, overall the tone in this episode felt a bit more balanced between the new, the old, and the cringe, and less whiplash-y from the beginning of the episode to the end.

… I have no idea if that makes sense, but what I’m basically saying is that while I am enjoying this version of Loki, I do recognize all of the ways he’s ooc but, unlike how I feel about Ragnarok!Loki, the ooc-ness feels genuine and unavoidable rather than just a fundamental and careless misunderstanding of the character altogether. In other words, I feel like any ooc-ness here is happening despite the writers taking care to do their best, and isn’t just a result of Loki being lazily written by a person or persons who just doesn’t want to bother with him at all.

Again, I don’t know if that makes sense, but fuck it, there we are and I’m moving on.

I liked all of the little details, including again, things that felt straight out of fic, like Loki asking Mobius why he has the jetski magazine. (Also, if any of my thorki friends read this, was I the only one who noticed that when we see Loki reading the magazine, it just happens to be open to a page with a picture featuring a jet skier who looks like Thor? l.m.a.o.)

Loki interrupting things to explain the difference between illusions vs the other power (I can’t remember which one, off hand, and if I stop writing to go look it up I will lose my train of thought and not finish this) was great, but his overall input and contributions to the missions inspired very mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I loved that the narrative, via Loki, is reminding us of all these things that he’s capable of that the films generally left out or brushed aside or ignored - but, every time he spoke, he was met with eye rolls and sighs and just a general feeling of “someone please shut this guy up” and I didn’t like the narrative treating him that way.

But also, it’s understandable bc none of the people on his team are actually on his team. None of them want him there (story of Loki’s fucking life), none of them trust him, and none of them are particularly interested in hearing what he has to say. So it’s like, I understand why they reacted the way they did, and I don’t think their reactions are meant to support an overall narrative undermining of Loki’s skills and input - but, the tone is hard to read for me bc I am very defensive and protective of Loki. I can’t quite determine the line between the TVA agents being unreliable narrators (ie, they’re annoyed by Loki bc of who he is to them, but that doesn’t mean the audience is supposed to feel the same) and the TVA agents validating that Loki is just being a nuisance (and, thus, the audience is supposed to feel the same).

That is, I know how I am consuming the narrative (that they’re unreliable narrators), but I’m not sure if that’s how tptb are intending for me to consume the narrative - and I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it’s worth mentioning.

In general, I really liked, again, Loki existing in his own space and watching the way he carried himself. I especially found it interesting that his hands were almost always in his pockets - for one thing it's a stance I tend to imagine him taking often in fic, but also it’s kind of a weird choice bc pockets don’t seem to be a thing in Asgardian clothing. It makes me feel like Loki is the kind of person who never knows what to do with his hands but is always conscious of them, as is common among anxious and self-conscious people, and I just find that relatable on a weird level.

I am really kinda torn on Mobius in this episode; when not interrogating Loki, he’s much less antagonistic toward Loki and therefore I’m more inclined to take-him-or-leave-him but I’ll go ahead and take him I guess. Yet at the same time, bc he’s not interrogating Loki he’s also not trying to put on a show for Loki and when you take that away, he really doesn’t seem to like Loki at all. It supports that Mobius only wants what Loki can do for him and doesn’t actually particularly care about him as a person, which is fine and more or less what I figured, but it contributes to me not really being able to decide how I feel about him in general. Idk, though, I kinda like their dynamic? Like I want them to end up friends?

Regardless, Tom and Owen have amazing chemistry and it’s really funny to me bc (not to be a jerk) I honestly didn’t know Owen Wilson could act. Like, I’ve never seen him in a role where he wasn’t just playing Owen Wilson. So for him to not only be playing Mobius so well but also having such chemistry and a sense of holding-his-own against Tom Hiddleston is like, color me surprised but pleasantly so.

I like B-15 a lot, even though she obviously hates Loki, so idk why I like her but I do. I like Renslayer less, but meh. (Side note - when I was in undergrad in Syracuse, I took the Amtrak from Syracuse to Boston and back more than a few times, for reasons that aren’t relevant, and that route always had a layover at Albany-Rensselaer and every single time I see Renslayer’s name, I want to call her Rensselaer instead.) Shout out to the guest appearance by Casey, sorry Loki stole your juice lmfao.

The moments from the trailer that were very cringe were less so in context (though still kinda cringe, tbh). I think we’ve seen most of the content from the trailers in the first two episodes now, though, which means going forward, it’s going to be like 95% previously unseen material (aside from the brief apocalyptic shots and so forth).

One thing I fucking loved was how Loki, reading about Ragnarok, was visibly affected and even teared up a bit, and you could tell he was in his feels about it, but then later when Mobius expresses sympathy, Loki is just like, “Uh huh, very sad, but anyway.” It was a subtle (well maybe not that subtle) but effective way to remind us that what Loki presents to other people is more often than not a mask and he keeps his true feelings close to the chest. It makes last week’s breakdown have even more of an impact, I think, bc clearly Loki was at the end of his rope to allow himself to show that much raw emotion and vulnerability, but also - for me - there’s a niggling little doubt there that wasn’t there before, in that there was probably more performance in it than I thought.

By which I mean, I think his reaction to the film of his life when he was alone was genuine but, while I previously thought his admission to Mobius later was also genuine, I now think was probably half genuine and half performative. I know others already figured that out, but I’m a little slow and, also, I don’t mind changing my opinion and interpretation from week to week.

Along the same lines, I wasn’t exactly surprised to see that Loki is “undercover” in the TVA, but it was nice to see it acknowledged fairly quickly. Not sure I buy that Loki wants to overthrow and rule the TVA - it’s still a little too “Loki only wants a throne” for me, but again, just because that’s what he told the variant doesn’t mean that’s actually what he’s after.

And, finally, I like the variant, I love Loki’s reaction to seeing her, and while I realize that the show has acknowledged Loki’s gender fluidity and we’re meant to assume that Lady Loki (I guess? Not sure if we’re going with that or not here) is Loki, I saw a theory somewhere about how this is actually not Loki-Loki, but - I wanna say her name Sophie but that’s the actress, again I can’t go look it up bc I will lose my train of thought - but it’s a character who is similar to Amora and who was created by Loki and models herself as Loki but she’s actually someone else.

Ugh I can’t remember the details of the theory, but I am kinda going with it bc I don’t think that Loki would look so - not surprised but just kind of “oh, well, I wasn’t expecting that” if he were seeing the female version of himself. Like, he doesn’t seem to recognize her the way I assume he would recognize himself, male or female. Not only does that make me feel like she’s actually someone else, but also not recognizing her as the female version of himself doesn’t necessarily mean Loki doesn’t recognize her at all. He may very well recognize her as this other Amora-similar character and, if so, I really want to see how that character fits with MCU Loki (as I think she’s a comic book character but, again, I’d have to go back and find that theory).

Edit: I found a version of it here.

Overall score, B-. Mostly solid, but needs moar Loki breakdowns and tears. (That's just me, don't fucking judge me.) Also, I really hate that we have to wait a week between episodes. I wish they were following Netflix’s method of dropping the entire season at once but, then again, if they did that, I’m not sure any of us would survive.

I gotta get ready for work and I deleted and rewrote so much of this and it still seems nonsensical to me, lmfao fml. Anyway feel free to interact/send me asks/whatever, it’s going to be a long fucking day with all of this on my mind. I’ll be working my way through my dash as best as I can.

Oh, also! Loki is so fucking pretty in this episode! The TVA suit is ugly, but he makes it work, and his hair's combed nicely and he looks like he finally got an opportunity to sleep and shower and eat something and, yknow, it's working for him.

[twstdreams]

I've loved your non-romantic/platonic content that you've done so far! Adding on to that list, could I please request a short story surrounding MC, Ace, and Deuce? An accident occurs which ends in MC turning into a little kid and now it's up to the two boys to put their differences aside and babysit their friend until she's back to normal. Girl pronouns plz! Lol I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue. If you don't feel comfortable with this ask you can skip it! Thx for reading :)

I am always up for platonic content and shenanigans! Long story, so the rest is under the cut!

Warning: Minor spoilers for side stories (briefly alluded to)

Length: ~2.3K

“It’s this one!” Deuce declares with unfounded confidence.

“No, it’s not!” Ace rebuttals despite not making it past page 10 in his textbook.

“It’s mine!” Grimm shouts even though he most definitely does not understand the experiment at hand. 

The magicless student can only sigh. Deuce and Ace suck at potions. So when the two bicker about what to add to their cauldron, the prefect doesn’t even blink an eye. Deuce mispronounces an ingredient, Ace corrects him, but neither are even talking about the right thing. She can practically sense Crewel’s glare despite her eyes remaining on the cauldron, cautiously waiting for bubbles to appear so she could add the indigo milk cap mushroom. 

What is added next to her cauldron is not the mushroom in her hand but a random root Grimm throws in. In Deuce’s haste to catch the gremlin, he spills over his own cauldron and some of their potion spills into hers.

“What are you doing?” she asks, but it’s too late. The mixture in her cauldron is boiling profusely and suddenly envelopes her in a cloud of smoke.

“Funya! MC, are you okay?” Grim inquires. Deuce and Ace also call out her name but there is no response. When the smoke clears, everyone in the room is left speechless.

The potential beast tamer hasn’t moved but an inch but she’s at least two feet shorter and with rounder cheeks and wide eyes. 

“WHAT?” she screeches in disbelief, suddenly too short to even reach the cauldron, “Fix this!” 

And this is how the group’s long catastrophic day begins.

Adventure 1: The beginning

“What?!” Grim shouts. If looks could kill, Crewel’s glare would have toasted the monster.

“Yes, it is hard to predict when MC will return to normal because you carelessly threw together that potion. It should wear off in a day, but there’s no guarantee,” the teacher explains through gritted teeth. The bell rings but the quartet barely registers it.

“Go to the headmaster! It’s not my problem anymore,” Crewel declares. 

Unfortunately, as most meetings with the headmaster are, the conversation is fruitless.

“Hah? We’re supposed to babysit her?” Ace asks.

“Yes! It’s your fault, is it not? Take care of her until the spell wears off,” Crowley declares.

“Isn’t there any way to break the spell?” Deuce inquires while nervously glancing towards MC.

“It’s hard to tell because you added in unknown amounts of various ingredients,” Crowley answers before muttering, “It takes too much time! I need to know what happens next in my novel.”

“Tch, what a lazy adult,” MC comments with a bored expression. She figured this would happen. She can’t even recall a moment when the headmaster had actually been helpful.

“What did you say?” Crowley demands. Deuce immediately picks up MC and heads for the door.

“Nothing! We’ll take care of her! See you later headmaster!” Ace explains while the two boys dash out of the office. They book it out of the hallway and then set her down on the ground.

“Hey! What was that about? It’s usually Grim saying stuff that gets us in trouble, not you,” Ace comments.

“Don’t tell me…Now she acts like a little kid too?” Deuce wonders.

Adventure 2: Stranger Danger

“Oh? Ramshackle prefect, you seem to be caught in quite the predicament.” MC glares at the Octavinelle dorm leader in return. Ace and Deuce are in the midst of calling Cater and Trey to ask for advice, giving Azul the perfect opportunity to approach her.

“I have an offer for you,” the second year begins.

“No.” MC is firm in her answer and has no intention of making any deals.

“Are you sure? I treat children well,” Azul adds but it only results in her frowning. There’s suddenly a glimmer in her eyes but before Azul can deduce what it means, MC begins shouting.

“STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”

“Stop that!” Azul insists but his wide eyes give away his flustered state. With a smile that looks a little too much like Chenya’s, MC continues her call for help. Soon enough, Deuce and Ace rush to her side.

“Stranger? That’s Prefect Azul! Have you forgotten him?” Deuce inquires with a look of concern. MC decides this is the perfect time to practice her puppy eyes and simply looks up at Deuce, wide eyes and with a pout.

Azul silently admits defeat as he forms a tight-lipped smile accompanied by some false pleasantries before exiting the area. 

“I’m hungry!” she announces before anyone can question her further. 

“Yes! Let’s go eat!” Grim agrees.

Adventure 3: Sweet Dreams

Getting lunch is a surprisingly painless affair. Though Night Raven College students could be quite self-centred, even they balked at harming a little girl. MC easily orders her favourites before sitting with her friends, though she has to sit on her knees to be at a comfortable height compared to the table.

“Wow! It’s true!~” Cater chimes while taking a seat at the table.

“How are you feeling?” Trey asks.

“Okay! It’s kinda weird but at least it was easy to get lunch,” she replies while taking a bite of her food.

“Now you really look like my minion!” Grim declares. MC shoots the monster a glare but doesn’t give him a response.

“You’re actually a little kid, huh? So, what do you wanna do when you grow up?” Ace teases.

“I want to control all the ghosts and have an army,” MC answers nonchalantly as if she had been discussing the weather.

“What?” Trey asks, slightly taken aback. Wasn’t this the person who was gullible enough to think that oyster sauce went in tarts?

“A ghost army,” she repeats confidently.

“Anyway! Aren’t you lucky? You get all these handsome guys to help you today!” Cater interjects, not wanting to unpack why the prefect wanted an army of the dead. 

Her gaze scans the table before looking up at Cater, eyes wide and expression void of malice, and asks, “Where?”

Grim howls with laughter while the four Heartslabyul students try to recover from the blow to their ego. It’s definitely going to be a long day for them.

Adventure 4: Smiles and stares

“Hey wait!” MC whines. One disadvantage of becoming short is that her stride decreased accordingly, thus her struggles to keep up with her classmate’s pace.

“Just walk faster or we’ll be late for class!” Ace retorts, glancing up ahead to see how far away the next building is. 

“AHH!” Ace turns around to see MC a couple of meters behind him face-first in a patch of grass. 

“Uwah! Are you okay?” Grim asks while flying above the fallen girl. Ace groans at the predicament. Deuce ran ahead to warn the other teachers of MC’s unfortunate condition so the redhead was the only babysitter at the moment.

The situation only worsens when MC begins to sit up, knees scraped, eyes glistening with tears, brows furrowed, and lips pressed tightly together. Ace’s eyes widen at the sight.

“Please don’t cry,” he mutters under his breath before trying to think about how to soothe kids.

“Oh my, that was quite a fall. You’re okay now though, right?” Jade asks while extending a gloved hand. His face is calm, showing no signs of concerns or worry with only a placid smile to demonstrate any emotion. MC stares at his face, analyzing his expression for a few moments. After finding the answer to her unsaid question, she accepts his hand and quickly sniffles before nodding. 

Ace watches in amazement as all signs of pain and panic vanish from her expression. He decides not to question her mood change before ushering the prefect to their next class.

Adventure 5: What came first? The egg or the chicken?

“You have to!” Deuce insists.

“NO!” MC shouts back, sitting firmly on the ground. Deuce is startled by the force of her words but stands his ground.

“It’s for your own good! Kids need exercise!” Or at least that’s what Cater told him before going to light music club.

“You can’t move me an inch!” MC retorts.

“I’m older, you should respect your seniors,” Deuce adds, doing his best to retain some level of patience.

“At least I know where chickens come from!” she rebuttals and Deuce feels at a loss for words. It is certainly not honour student behaviour to yell at a young girl but the first year is at his limits. He came to NRC to learn about magic, not dealing with children!

“Let’s play tag,” Jack suggests. Being the only one with little siblings, he is quickly enlisted to help. While disappointed in Deuce and Ace’s carelessness, he didn’t want to risk MC’s safety by leaving her in their care. Thus making him a reluctant member of the babysitting team.

“Tag?” MC echoes before a bright smile forms on her face. “Can it be teams?”

“Sure,” Jack agrees nonchalantly. 

“Jack and I are on the same team! We get to chase Deuce and Ace!” she declares gleefully.

“Huh? I didn’t agree to this,” Ace interjects.

“We need even teams!” MC responds with puffed cheeks.

“Too bad, so sad!” Ace replies without remorse.

“This is our fault Ace. Plus we promised the headmaster to take care of her. As Heartslabyul students and men, we can’t go back on our words!” Deuce declares. Jack’s firm gaze and Deuce’s blazing spirit give little room for negotiation and Ace sighs in defeat. Ace really does hate alchemy class from the bottom of his heart.

Adventure 6: Idiots, all of them

MC closes her eyes and enjoys the breeze while resting. Deuce and Jack had gone to the cafeteria to get drinks for everyone after several rounds of tag while Ace lay on the ground to catch his breath. It was quite entertaining to see the fastest first years engage in a game of tag and even more fun to watch Ace try to avoid his inevitable fate. Agile as he was, Ace couldn’t run fast enough to outdo Jack with his insane stamina and speed. She giggles at the memory.

“Bonjour petite princesse!” Rook looks down at the little girl with a shining smile. Her eyes snap open and follow the source of the cheerful voice. 

“Isn’t it delightful to see a new side to your friends? Like escorting someone on their first dance, like watching a lazy lion transform into a beast for the sake of the hunt, like observing night flox bloom under a full moon!” Rook beams but MC merely shrugs in response.

“Yeah but I’ve also seen Ace fall off his broom, Deuce compliment plants, and Jack mistake onions for a chemical leak.” 

“Oh? Is it not like having several princes tend to you?” he inquires. 

She scrunches her nose in thought before replying, “If my prince got stuck in a tree and I had to go save him.”

“Dear me, and I thought you were une petite princesse mignonne [1]! Perhaps that was a misunderstanding,” Rook remarks though he doesn’t seem displeased with the discovery.

Adventure 7: Mandatory nap

“Let’s go to the infirmary,” Ace suggests, “MC needs a nap and it’s the closest building with beds.”

“I’m the one that needs a nap?” she asks while side-eyeing her tired friend.

“She hasn’t even run for 3 hours,” Jack comments.

“Kids need naps! Plus, who knows what the side-effects of the potion are?” Ace adds, “We shouldn’t take any chances with her health.”

“You do need proper sleep to grow strong!” Deuce concurs.

“Sure, sure,” she concedes. When they arrive at the infirmary, there is no staff in sight. Ace guides her to a bed with an expectant smile.

“Well, go to sleep now!” Ace announces.

“It doesn’t work like that. I’m not sleepy,” she responds.

“Just lie in bed and close your eyes!” Ace insists with a huff.

“Shut up. You’re so noisy,” a voice growls. Leona appears on the other side of a room divider. Jack lets out a sigh, disappointed but not surprised by his dorm leader.

“I was having such a nice nap and now I’m… hah?” His sentence trails off as he eyes the little girl before him.

“Well,” you launch into an explanation of what happened, Leona shooting a judgemental look towards Deuce and Ace midway, before concluding, “It should wear off by the end of the day.”

“Tch, what an annoyance. I’m going back to sleep, don’t be loud,” Leona warns before flopping back onto the bed.

“How do you fall asleep so fast?” MC inquires. Leona glares at her, lips pressed together to form a thin line, but he lets any threats die in his throat.

“It’s nap time. Count sheep like a good herbivore until you fall asleep,” he instructs before turning his back towards the group. More than she’d like to admit, her small body requires rest and what better excuse than this? Besides, it’s not like magical history homework was particularly appealing, so she plops onto the bed to rest.

“I’m exhausted. Taking care of kids is tiring,” Ace says before falling onto another bed.

“It’s been a long day. I’m glad MC is okay, though. Haaah…I’m sleepy,” Deuce murmurs before resting on a different bed. Jack doesn’t comment but quietly begins his homework while keeping watchful eye on the little girl, not that he’d admit it if asked.

Adventure 8: The End. For now, anyway

She stretches after waking up, pleased to find her body back to its normal size. Ace snores lightly, Deuce’s mouth is agape, and Leona is nowhere to be found.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jack asks.

“Yeah, I actually feel pretty good!” Their conversation awakens their friends.

“You’re finally back to normal! I’m relieved,” Deuce interjects.

“You’re a lot of work for a minion, ya know? You’re lucky I’m so great,” Grim comments.

“That was a pain! You owe me big time!” Ace adds. MC shakes her head and wonders if she has the greatest or most chaotic friends.

[1] une petite princesse mignonne = a cute little princess

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Comic buff with a thought, I notice the P5MM art and composition is more striking and closer to p5's art and style than the other manga, which is fine, but kinda... flat. (I find myself thinking there's something missing when I read it, then I look back at P5MM and I notice how there's more clever paneling, imagery, and stylistic choices akin to the games in it (like that one goro panel ya had a rant about) and I realize what's missing) That could be why P5MM is brought up more, just a guess. I dunno how you feel about all that though, I'm curious.

Under the cut cause it gets long cause of pictures:

I am very big on art style and visual presentation. I do actually judge a book by it's cover (manga, game, movie, show, yadda). If I find something pleasing to my eye I'll read it.....even if the contents are trash. Domestic Girlfriend is one, horrible manga (didn't finish, was holding out for Momo, aka best girl, and getting closure for her....then I bounced). Didn't watch the anime (didn't need to I was way ahead in the manga I think), but I know that opening is wasted on it. ldskfjaf Don't invest your time into it, it's not worth it, you would probably learn better morals from P5.......probably. But yeah I found the art style pleasing enough to try it out (I's not amazing by any means, but I like looking at it....or did.....that writing man....dat was bad ;w;).... *waves hands vaguely in air* yeah.

Fun fact, it's why I got into Persona. I happened across an ad for P4 on the PS2 in the Gameinformer magazine, it showed a screenshot from an animated cutscene plus one of the fully body art for the chars and I was like "Yes this is my jam!" (which only doubled down when I read what it was about, and it was a murder mystery and the article also talked up "the mystery of the glasses" which fakldjsalkfs yeah). So yeah it really clicked for me.

Tbh it's why I'm probably going to get back into freaking Bleach, and it's why I got into it and Naruto over One Piece (I don't think I'll ever read ON I'm sorry). Tite Kubo has sexy art what can I say? Can't trust a thing that man writes now but eh. It's also the reason I read a lot of Shojo (and now Yuri) manga, cause their art style is usually what I find very appealing (even if I've read the same gd shojo love story just by a different name for the 1000th time, give me the flowers and sparkly eyes! they are my life blood!)

And I've mentioned I really like Saito's art style. I've (attempted) to color some of his pieces on top of animate some manga frames (most of which I haven't actually published......I...I should....get around to finishing those up....haha...aha....haaaa). I really like his art, it's pleasant. But even with good art, I can still see past it and see what BS it's peddling and it can hamper my enjoyment of it. If I don't look at the context of the scene or the words on the page, I can be down with it. But when I'm reading.......I get annoyed. I balk at anything with Goro. I guffaw whenever Makoto's on screen (cause Saito nails her from P5, she acts useful but really she's useless but the narrative views her as useful it ironically makes her useless......it's the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed >.>). Like Saito really.....gets P5 it seems, down to it's flaws even (tho he can actually make the good parts of P5 shine, or at least parts that P5 failed to execute....execute in a way). But he also makes the flaws.....shine that much harder for me.

Now the Reg manga? it's nothing special art style wise, in fact it starts off VERY wonky, and while still wonky, has gotten a lot....better/cuter (esp Ryu). Not like shojo cute just.......I wanna squish their wittle faces cute (at times when it's not serious).

Like when it comes to Reg Manga these are the two pieces that have appeared in it that I feel kinda hit the P5 mark in terms of style:

(look at Mona, coming into this world like the pustule that he is 8U)

Which isn't much, but it's something. At least Reg's AOA is better looking than the anime. 8U

But I dunno, as the chapters go on, the Mangaka allows for more cuter expressions, and I just like their neat:

(btw I colored that page)

I dunno, it's not as overtly cutsey as Saito:

But they are still charming in a more simple way (without out having them go full chibi), it subtle but it gives it flavor. "Silly why are most, if not all those pics of Ryu and Anne?" I dunno guys maybe you should ask them how their backs are doing, cause they're the ones who are carrying the Reg manga when it comes to this! 8U

Tho I do think the first ch or two of Reg does a better job capturing P5's feel than the rest of the chapters, I think the mangaka is just.....bogged down by exposition and the game's BS that a lot of text on their pages so it almost reads like a novel:

ALots of text, not the most dynamic of framing with the panels. It's kinda eh. I haven't really read the manga past the 2nd dungeon tbh (I mean......as the residential #1 Makoto hater, I think that's fair.....that I'd start to zone out during my least fav dungeon....and then continue zoning out during my 2nd least fav dungeon askfdjaflk)

But during the first two dungeon arcs, I liked how.....bad the PT were at thieving, I liked how green they were. It was obviously a learning process. I also like some of the fight choreo (Saito did the best hand to hand one in the series in P4U's Yu vs Sho....which I actually animated....spoiler.....no I have no released that...my dumbass wants to tempt fate and see if I can redo it in color even tho it took me 4 days non stop to get that animated in just black and white.....but I am a fool so alas 8U). I mean it's not mind blowing, but it was simple and decently thought out, which is more than I feel like we usually get (esp with the anime shows....or at least P4/5's).

But I think what draws me in is....it's lack of P5 style. P5 style has them being still oh so cool despite being new at everything. It's tired me out. P5's how identity is style. It's....style over substance (gonna rile some feathers with that....Cvit(?) vid title). But P5 is overtly stylish, to the point it......weighs on me. Drags me down. Tires me out. I don't think they're cool, I'm bored with it. Ironically, Reg manga lacks that, which......def would make someone (and me usually) give it much of a passing glance. It's very basic I guess. But.....consider me, being in P5 hell, surrounded by all it's nausea inducing stylishness, sees a small break in the hellish hurricane to see.......normalcy. It kinda makes me connect better with the kids (kinda, it's still P5).

They feel like normal kids, trying to do their thing (sometimes trying to look/act cool and failing), and.....it's just the absolute antitheses to P5's brand......and I think that's why I like it. KLFJDSAFLKJA;

Anyway, who knows, maybe when I catch up on Reg in english and re-read MM with the official translation I might change my mind about a few things, or at least how I rank them. But for post length sake, and my sanity sake, I think I should keep the anime and mangas out of the "Which entry do you hate least" post......because I should just make another post where I go into both mangas as well as compare and contrast the anime! :D I'm just delaying some insanity for later haha....

Wait.........I just remember Day Breakers exists......and I liked it....still do....don't have much issue with it. Well shit, that is probably the one entry I hate the least. fklsdjfalkjdfkla;jsL;FJljsfdlskafaj *sobs* nO NO, I committed, and that's just a sad loophole. fdklsajflakfj *sobs* I still need to the game thing, cause let's be honest, the games are where it counts.

So right now my ranking for manga/anime is:

Daybreakers>Reg manga> MM>>>>>>>>>>TV Show Anime and it's OVAs (may the burn in the hell fire from which they spawned)

Oh, one last thing, forgot to put it in but I dunno where to put it now. I like how the manga tones down the pervyness some:

I mean Ryu is a fellow monkey. u_u .......but it's for the best I don't have to see his ape expression. ;w; (iirc the pyramid scene was a lot shorter/faster, but that's by the grace of reading and books rather than animation I suppose).

[kdramaanalyst]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH REVIEW

EDIT: I AM SO SORRY, THIS IS A SECONDARY BLOG AND I JUST LEARNED THAT I CAN'T REPLY TO COMMENTS. PLEASE CHECK MY PINNED BLOG WHERE I WROTE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. THANK YOU!

Spoilers ahead!!! Read at your own risk. Once again, I am not an expert and these are my personal opinions. If you have disagreements, let's talk it over. Don't judge me, let's judge the show together instead and have an understanding.

For the first drama that I am going to review, I chose The King: Eternal Monarch. A lot of viewers who supported the show with all of their hearts could still not get over its ending. Others who like to binge-watch are relieved because they can finally watch the entire series without waiting for a new episode to air. While some are still mulling over about watching it. Well, I hope I could help you with this review.

• Introduction to the Drama

Short gist:

The story revolves around Lee Gon, present King of Kingdom of Corea. He witnessed his father’s death when he was young, an incident that haunted him until he grew older. Due to unfortunate circumstances, a legendary flute with powers called Manpasikjeok that can open different worlds was cut in half. He was able to get hold half of the flute, while the other half was obtained by Lee Lim, his uncle who killed his father. Lee Lim had been going back and forth two different worlds, plotting foul pursuits to fulfill his evil desires, and disrupting the peace between the two worlds. In order to restore balance and order, Lee Gon also traveled between worlds, meeting Jeong Tae Eul who soon became a significant person in his life.

If you've been watching Korean Dramas for quite a while now, you must be familiar with some of the characters of The King: Eternal Monarch, especially the lead.

If you call yourself a k-drama fan and you don't know who Lee Minho is, give yourself a slap (just kidding, please don't take that seriously). Lee Minho has a good reputation because of his experience, acting skills and obviously, his gorgeous face. He has an impressive list of successful dramas and movies! Most of us probably knew him through his breakthrough role in Boys Over Flowers.

Meanwhile, Kim Go Eun, despite being fairly new to small screen (she first started appearing in movies), is also highly distinguished by a lot of k-drama fans. In all three dramas she starred in, including The King, she always got the lead role. His leading men are no joke either. And because of Kim Go Eun, many of us still wants to be the goblin's bride.

Among the cast also includes the familiar faces of Woo Do Hwan, Kim Kyung Nam, Jung Eun Chae, and Lee Jung Jin.

Anyway, I'll try to share every thought I have from the first time I watched it until it ended. I will also try not to give so much spoilers because the drama just ended. I will talk first about my experience watching it and then I will list at the very bottom some of the issues I have and that list contains major spoilers so watch out for that. As you notice, I always warn you with spoilers using red font color.

• The Experience

When I watched the first teaser of the drama, I got intrigued and a little confused. What worlds are they talking about? Do they have super powers? Is this a historical drama? Questions were instantly formed in my head.

It also reminded me of the drama Queen In Hyun's Man because of a similar scene where the leading man is riding his horse in the middle of the city and finding his woman. But that's just it, the two dramas are completely different. I just mentioned it because others may have felt the same way.

I don't usually watch dramas while it's still fresh. I wait for about two to three weeks before the schedule of the ending so I can binge watch without waiting so much. When I watched The King, there were already 12 episodes available on Netflix. Usually, I would finish 12 episodes in 1-3 days, and if the drama is really good and it's MY STYLE (i said that in an obviously fake Korean accent), I could watch it for an entire day.

However, I finished those 12 episodes in 2 weeks...

Why??? Why did it take me that long???

I wouldn't say I was bored, it's just that during the first few episodes, nothing caught my interest yet. I wasn't convinced that it was a good drama. There was nothing special and I didn't know what to look forward to that's why I couldn't watch it continuously. I got lazy. The pace was slow and the story build up was a little stagnant. It was too slow that I even started watching a long length saeguk just so I can watch something else.

I could have skipped some parts and dropped it but I continued watching and gave it a chance. Though it was a good thing that I didn't stop because as I watched more episodes, the story actually became more exciting. Finally, I saw some progress. I started to get invested in the drama after the eighth episode. That's when the story felt more alive. Finally, there were revelations, more conflicts arose, more emotions were shown, and the story got deeper. I began to appreciate the drama. However, I still don't like the fact that it took me 8 episodes before I started to like it.

• Points that I Liked About the Drama

1. The plot seemed like it's going to be too science fiction-y but it's just the right amount. I was worried that it might be too much for me to handle but it was just okay (i am a potato who dislikes thinking so much, but that depends on my mood lololol). I liked how there's a mix of history in the drama, as well as of politics but it still feels modern. There is a balance.

2. The distinction between the Kingdom of Corea and Republic of Korea is impressive. It's obvious that they put a lot of effort in building their vision of KOC to life.

3. Many people were saying that it's hella confusing and so much was going on. I don't think so. They actually made it easy for viewers to understand about parallel worlds. You don't have to study science facts just to get this drama's concept. I think the slow pace did its job well in this part.

4. The story is unpredictable. You never know what's going to happen next, that's the strength of The King's concept. Because of the two different worlds and the crazy number of characters, there could be a lot of possibilities and backstories.

5. The action scenes are commmendable. I liked the action scenes, the one during the last episode is probably my favorite.

• Points that I Didn't Like About the Drama

1. The slow pace. I don't think I still need to explain more but it totally ruined my whole experience of watching the drama.

2. Many characters didn't leave much impact. Their acting was great, however, I don't see a lot of personalities that standout. The most remarkable ones for me are the characters played by Woo Do Hwan. The other characters, especially the lead, the prime minister and the traitor were okay, too. The others were just bland and years from now, I probably won't remember most of them.

• The Ending (spoiler alert!)

The ending was good. It didn't feel rushed and everyone had a separate ending of their own. I just wished there was more Nari and Eunsup / Yeong and Seung A moment in the end, the conclusion was fine though. I don't like that Prime Minister Koo ended up in jail but Luna became a cop...

I just have one issue regarding the ending that they decided on. In the end they didn't show if Tae Eul became a queen. Well, it would be weird if she became one considering there is Luna in KOC. They can't be together in ROK, too because Gon's counterpart was able to live. So... what? They just kept traveling whenever they have time? Because if that's the case, doesn't that mean they will hide their relationship forever??? I liked that they ended up together but I wish they also kept this in mind. Because it kinda makes me sad. Lol.

• Final Thoughts

Overall, it was alright. It was over-hyped by netizens due to the amazing casting and promotions, but it's not bad at all.

Would I watch it again? No.

Would I recommend it? Yes. Give it a try! I honestly thought I wouldn't like it but I still did, even if it took me 8 episodes, I wouldn't say it wasn't worth it. If you enjoy fantasy dramas with complicated twists and conflicts, this drama is for you. Just have patience and prepare yourself mentally when you've reached the middle. This drama is gloomy and a little heavy, too. It was serious and has a very few humorous scenes.

I am giving The King: Eternal Monarch a 7/10. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

• The King: Eternal Monarch OST Top 5

There are 13 songs in total and everything is so good! I wish I got to hear more of the songs in the drama, some were just played briefly. I swear every song makes me feel things. Choosing just 5 songs is really hard. If you don't watch dramas but love music, give these a listen!!!

My Day Is Full Of You by Zico, Wendy

Orbit by Hwasa

I Fall In Love by Ha Sungwoon

I Just Want To Stay With You by Zion.T

Please Don't Cry by Davichi

Now I'll move on to some of my "issues". This section isn't really what you think. The word "issues" is just intriguing ㅋㅋㅋ but this is just a compilation of my opinions, observations, feelings and other stuff no one might care about in the series. If you have answers for my questions or if you can explain it for me, please enlighten me. Major spoiler ahead!!!

• Issues

1. During the time when Lee Gon was time traveling and finally got back to Repuplic of Korea, it probably took him a lot of time, right? He even took his time to take care of Tae Eul in the hospital. I wish they also showed what was happening in Kingdom of Corea during that time because he's a king and his absence might have caused a ruckus in his kingdom. I can even picture the palace lady Noh getting really worried as Lee Gon travels. The moment he came back, they only gave him updates as if everything was okay.

But since they didn't show it, I guess it is safe to assume that nothing much happened in his kingdom back then. 🤷‍♀️

2. When Gon and Tae Eul met again in Gwanghwamun, why did Tae Eul hug him? In my understanding, at that period of time, Tae Eul only met him twice—once when she was 5 and once when she was 27. So why did she hug him suddenly as if she knows he's going to be a significant person in her life? Their dialogue when they met again when she was 27 wasn't even enough for her to act that way.

3. I hope they also gave Nari more lines and importance. Maybe it's just me, but at first, I thought she and her KOC counterpart would have more significant roles. When I think of it, even without her, the story could still go on. Though this is just a minor issue. ✌

4. Prime Minister Koo. She was a villain, but I didn't really hate her until the last 4-5 episodes (can't recall the exact episode, sorry), though I wouldn't say I hated her so much. I actually liked her at first! She's ambitious, fierce, independent and intelligent. She just got blinded by greed.

My issue here is, am I really supposed to feel like that? In my opinion, her character has the potential to become more heinous and despiteful. I was wondering why they didn't turn her into someone like that? She was just greedy, bitchy, a little sly and annoying.

5. Lee Gon's and Tae Eul's love for each other was a little shallow. Sure, the man who saved Lee Gon when he was a child, had Tae Eul's ID. But how sure was Lee Gon that the woman who owns the I.D. is not a villain? The woman in the ID could lead him to the man who saved him, yes, but it still bugs me how easily they fell in love especially on Lee Gon's part. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I am sorry. 😅

In spite of that, I still liked their love progression. I didn't ship them that hard but their chemistry wasn't cringey and forced.

6. The scene where Lee Gon gave Tae Eul flowers and then left, was a little confusing. It didn't break my heart, too. I just felt a little sad while watching that scene because Kim Go Eun's acting was good.

7. Who the f is thay yoyo boy??? My guts tell me he's a part of the flute or something because he knows a lot. But I wish it was explained more. It looked weird how he just suddenly appears sometimes and suddenly talks some sense. He remains a mystery.

8. Why the f is Jeong Tae Eul a flat earther??? Well, at least she had a character development in the end. It just annoyed me lmao

9. I don't get why people keep comparing The King: Eternal Monarch to Goblin. Why??? They don't even have the same plot or concept.

10. Court lady Noh was from Republic of Korea... What? Was that necessary?

Don't mind me. Don't mind me. Don't mind me.

Anyway I hate how tumblr wasn't able to save my draft when I was writing additional content. I lost half of it and it makes me furious!!! I had to redo the draft but I can no longer remember some of the things I wrote. I am sad because I lost something that can't be brought back again. This experience earned me a lesson.

That's it for my first review. What are your thoughts? I am a horrible reviewer, I know, but I will do better in the future. Thank you for reading!!!

[sphericaldice]

We Have Not Touched The Stars Nor Are We Forgiven (aka The One Where Ishimaru Jacks Off With Oowada Butter)

( ‘́⌣’̀) Ao3 (˘̩̩ε˘̩ƪ)

Summary: Ishimaru Kiyotaka handles grief and love the best way he knows how, poorly.

Author Comments: Just gonna come out and say it, this is a darkfic lol. If you’re not in to that, then you may wanna skip this one. This fic is also r-18 so younuns please come back later! 

Reblog if you like what I write and check out my Ao3 ㋛

SPOILERS FOR DANGANROMPA TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC  ***

“Wh-whoops...I slipped...Sorry, man.” 

“Sorry, man.” Was all the Biker could muster, gazing away from Kiyotaka and his remaining classmates. Though his face was veiled by his unkempt pompadour, tears crept down his visage and dripped from his chin, making their presence known to everyone. 

Ishimaru Kiyotaka didn’t remember who he voted for instead of Mondo, it wasn’t a conscious election. It could have been Byakuya, Hifumi, Yasuhiro, Aoi, Celestia, dead Chihiro, Touko the harbourer of a blade-wielding maniac, or Makoto, who shot down every last one of his feeble rebuttals, just anyone, anything but his Aniki. Kiyotaka’s final bid to save Oowada Mondo was predictably trivial. No one listened to him because no one loved like him. That had to be it, none of his classmates had a bro they made a promise too. That’s how they could be so blind and imperturbable. So wrong. It was all wrong.

The bilious cackling of the mechanical ursine wrang in Kiyotaka’s ears “Pupupupupu! Punishment time!” it squawked with excitement that mocked the mournful courtroom. 

 Kiyotaka staggered forward, towards a detached Mondo who wouldn’t meet his tear-drowned eyes. The Ultimate Moral Compas didn’t get very far before Sakura swiftly encapsulated him in a bear hug. He watched the boy, the bear, and the bike pull off in the direction of an enormous metal cage embezzled with wooden tiger cut-outs.  

Gunk from his nose stained his quivering lips as he cried out “Wait! I’m asking you to just wait, please!” Kiyotaka spurted in place, hopelessly retrained by the Ultimate Fighter. 

Sakura tightened her grip “You fool! Do you want to be dragged off as well?” she snapped but her usually husky and authoritative voice was brittle. 

Kiyotaka clawed unprofitably at Sakura’s thick, brown, arms. If he could just break free he would fly ahead and save his innocent best friend. But he was not strong enough. “Why won’t you wait!? I’m begging you to listen to me!” 

Sakura groaned and hung her head, and at that moment Kiyotaka felt dampness against his hair.

The execution couldn’t have been more than a minute. Sakura attempted to shift her arms in a way that allowed her to cover Kiyotaka’s eyes but he would not allow it. He watched, sangria eyes bulging, as the tiger-adorned contraption began to spin Mondo around and around. Even from a safe distance, he could see, take in Aniki’s face, first stained with regret and then completely deformed by consternation as the machine gathered unbelievable speed. Kiyotaka witnessed the moment Aniki’s neck snapped from whiplash and he was beyond anything he could’ve done to save him. Seconds later the man Kiyotaka loved was a jet-black blemish on the cage’s steel tracks and the bitter scent of smoke bombarded his nostrils. It was over. Or so he thought.

 There was a sharp ting akin to an old fashioned microwave and the machine expelled something that resembled a pint of yoghurt. The cream coloured container slid across the checkered linoleum and landed at Fukawa Touko’s feet. The haggard girl did her best impression of a cat vomiting and stumbled backwards into Asahina Aoi who reacted with a high-pitched yelp once she saw what had spooked Touko.

“W-what is that!?” stammered the tanned swimmer, covering her mouth with a quivering palm.”

“Haa...Haa...Consider it a souvenir for Captain Morals over there, pupupupupu!” Monukuma replied between pants, he was exhausted from his impromptu hula-hoop routine. 

Sakura released Kiyotaka and he clambered over to the two girls, hastily despite his legs feeling like lead. The boy fell to his knees, snatching up the container. He stared blankly at the lid and stern, smokey eyes stared back at him. It was Aniki. By then a few other classmates had gathered around him, anxious to see what was causing such a commotion. 

Naegi Makoto leered over Kiyotaka’s shoulders and read the pint’s label aloud. “‘Oowada Butter’..? What the hell, Monokuma, that’s too horrible! You can’t just turn our friend into...butter!” 

“Pupupupu, Oh but I can! And I have a feeling something beary interesting is going to happen tonight!”  The bear vanished, marking the end of the trial.

 Students filed into the crimson elevator, some looking rather ill, all completely silent. Kiyotaka felt a large hand on his shoulder and glanced skyward at the tower of a woman before him. 

“Come now, friend, we do not want to miss the elevator,” Sakura said, regarding him kindly. On her other arm, Aoi clung for dear life. “We will walk you back to your room.”

He allowed Sakura to drag him from the courtroom.

***

They sullen group strolled wordlessly for what felt like aeons to Kiyotaka and arrived outside his room a few minutes before 10 pm. 

Sakura’s low voice cut the thick silence, “Would you like Asahina and I to stay over tonight?”

“No. That would be improper.”

“It’s fine, really,” Aoi chimed, “Ogami-chan and I have had plenty of sleepovers when I need someone!” 

If this were any other evening Kiyotaka would’ve delivered a choice lecture onto Asahina Aoi and her muscular...cohort, but tonight he said nothing. Without replying he reached for his door, but a hand on his shoulder froze his motion.

“Wait, Ishimaru.” Sakura addressed him firmly, but there was an underlying softness and compassion in her voice. “What do plan to do with that?” 

He knew immediately what she was referring to. He tightened his grip on the container. “I am going to keep it.”

“Whoa, are you sure? Just because that bear didn’t mess with the doughnuts or any of our other food doesn’t mean he didn’t poison that butter!” Aoi exclaimed, bringing a hand to her ample chest. 

Kiyotaka clenched his teeth. “I’m not going to eat it!” He trudged into his room slamming the door behind them before either girl could interject with anything else. 

He did not turn on the lights, opting instead to stand in the doorway of his black room for a while. Aoi and Sakura were likely calling out to him from behind the door, but the soundproof walls helped him blot the concerned pair from his mind. He hated Ogami Sakura and Asahina Aoi. He hated all of his classmates who had allowed Aniki to die. He hated Monokuma. He hated Fujisaki Chihiro because she was with Aniki and he wasn’t. He hated so much that his head spun. Monokuma’s nightly announcement aired and ended with Kiyotaka paying no mind to it. Eventually, he shuffled towards his bed, took a weary seat, and set the Oowada Butter on the adjacent drawer. He undressed to his briefs, socks and undershirt, in the dark, leaving his uniform to rest atop his boots on the floor. He knew it would wrinkle this way. He paid it no mind tonight. He swung his leg on to the bed, one at a time, mechanically, and let himself collapse. Laying there, Kiyotaka felt oddly restive. This was his typical bedtime, but his racing mind refused to align with his exhausted body, sleep would not grant him escape from this nightmare. He wanted desperately to will himself unconscious but every time he shut his eyes he saw Mondo’s neck snap. Again and again and again and again and-

The teen bolted upright and urgently switched on the bedside lamp. To his relief, he discovered the butter was right where he left it. He snatched up the container, taking the time to thoroughly examine it in the dim lamplight, reading all labels aloud in a shaky murmur. “Oowada Butter...Yankee Bread...Mondo...Two times the fat...80 kilograms...Keep refrigerated.” He gingerly turned the container on its side and read through the serving size, caloric total, nutritional facts, making his way to the ingredient summary, 

“Ingredients:...despair...cream...natural Oowada flavouring...salt...contains milk.”

The final warning text in bold stuck out to Kiyotaka. ‘Aniki doesn’t have any milk..?’ A feathery tingle engulfed his half-naked body and he chuckled joylessly at the thought for reasons he was unsure of. He lay back down, holding the container close.

“Aniki,” he addressed his best friend’s face on the plastic lid, “you’re not really gone, are you..?”  Then he peeled back the plastic lid to gaze upon the thick, cornsilk coloured expanse. 

‘Just because that bear didn’t mess with the doughnuts or any of our other food doesn’t mean he didn’t poison that butter!’ 

- He pushed Aoi’s voice to the back of his brain until it was completely muffled as if she were speaking from underwater. 

The lid was off and placed beside him, Mondo side up. He breathed anxiously, excitedly as he ran his right index finger through the butter, collecting a fair amount of it on the length.

‘Whoa, are you sure? Just because that bear didn’t mess with-’

Kiyotaka shoved his butter covered finger between his lips and into his mouth. His bright eyes widened the second it met his taste buds. Never in his life had he tasted something so rich and creamy and salty. Never in his life had he tasted Oowada Mondo. He sucked his finger clean in one greedy slurp. 

“Aniki…” He breathed the title, plaintively, “you’re not really gone, are you…?” 

This time he collected a large amount with two unsteady fingers and inserted them deliberately into his hungry mouth. Carefully he slid the fingers in and out, savouring the unique flavour until his fingers were clean. He swallowed, then repeated this a second time, and a third time. But by the third time he began to experience a strong foreign sensation. His body grew hot and restless, and his heart throbbed and tumbled in his chest. Kiyotaka was vaguely familiar with the concept of lust and arousal but had never given in to those sort of thoughts. He was the Ultimate Public Morales Committee Member, and it would be unbecoming of him. So he’d push the rare moments of desire to the back of his mind and drown it with push-ups and Tai-chi, and homework and lectures. But never had he encountered want and need so agonising. And never had he felt so hopeless. 

Kiyotaka groaned and whispered with his mouth full “Ahhhh, Aniki...What do I do, Aniki?”

With little thought, almost automatically, he scooped a small handful of butter with his left hand, slipped it into his tank top and slid a cold, buttered palm up the front of his chest until he found a nipple. He expelled several short and fast breathes as he encircled the sensitive thing with the heel of his palm then suddenly pinched it.

“Shit!” Kiyotaka hissed, nearly biting down on his own fingers. 

He wasn’t sure why he did that, it wasn’t something he’d ever thought to have done to himself. Regardless, the flustered boy yearned for more of this intense contact. Whatever had come over him, he craved more. By now the container was about half of its original contents. With both hands, he seized more of the decadent treat and began to feed his carnal hunger. His left palm slid smoothly up his chest to tend to his neglected right nipple all while three fingers on his right hand made love to his mouth, vigorously sliding in and out, overwhelming him with the taste of cream and saline. He resented the rest of his hand for not fitting into his mouth and preventing him to slide his three fingers further back, allowing him to gag on his Aniki. Kiyotaka relished in Aniki’s thickness and flavour, his toes curled and he crossed his legs, attempting to quench the new throbbing between his thighs. It wasn’t enough. He found his slick right hand had fallen from his mouth and was collecting a copious amount of butter, leaving it near depleted. His eyes grew wet as he pushed aside the cloth flap of his briefs and freed his arousal. Panting frantically he gripped the base of his shaft and slid up and down, meticulously spreading Aniki down this full erect length until slick with softened butter. More butter was collected with three fingers from his left hand and those fingers were subsequently thrust into his mouth. He drove his hips forward into his hand in hurried, desperate movements. Feeling Aniki. Tasting Aniki. Right now there was nobody else, just him and Aniki as one, for eternity. Without warning, Kiyotaka’s entire body clenched and he felt so light in the head that he wondered if he were floating above his sweat-drenched sheets. 

“What’s...hah...pening?” he sputtered between hastening breaths.

 His eyes fluttered shut and for a moment he saw The Ultimate Biker Gang Leader shrouded in a curious, artificial green light, leering at him with those cold grey jewels for eyes. Oowada Mondo’s thin brows were knit in characteristic assurance and his lips were curled into a slight smirk. 

“Aniki…” The title of the man he loved dribbled from his lips as he came in long, pearl coloured spurts. 

The Ultimate Moral Compass lay there in the aftermath of his ecstasy, stained in sweat, butter and semen, finally able to catch his breath. He reached into the container once more, only for his soiled fingers to be met with plastic. Emptiness. Kiyotaka beamed in spite of the rivers that flowed from his sangria pools. 

He rolled over to face the lid that bore Oowada Mondo’s image and spoke to it. “There’s nothing they can do now, Aniki. We really will be together forever. I promise.”

And right then there really was no one else in the world but The Ultimate Public Morals Committee Member, his Aniki, and the girl who watched him through the surveillance camera in his bedroom.

[razberryyum]

The Guanyin Temple Event: another essay

(spoilers for episode 47 - 50 and the novel. All novel excerpts taken from the wonderful translations provided by Team Exiled Rebels Scanlations)

I didn’t read the Mo Dao Zu Shi novel until I was about a dozen episodes into The Untamed, but once I did, there were two events that I was most looking forward to seeing depicted on-screen: the Phoenix Mountain Hunt and the climax at the Guanyin Temple. The main reason for my heightened anticipation was because they were both critical and awesome events in the novel and also because I couldn’t wait to see how Team CQL was going to work around the blatant WangXian-ness present in them. Since I already wrote at length about the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, I won’t delve into that topic again, but suffice it to say I was quite pleased at what the drama team came up with in place of the blindfolded make-out session between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian.  

For the Guanyin Temple event, I knew Team CQL had their work cut out for them because it wasn’t just a kiss they had to work around, but a whole ton of WangXian moments since that’s pretty much when Wei Wuxian, our completely awesome and lovable but dense AF protagonist, finally finds out that Lan Wangji has been in love with him for like…forever…and they acknowledge their feelings for each other (in front of family and foes no less). From the moment WWX finds out about Lan Zhan’s love for him until the end of the Guanyin Temple incident, it’s so loaded with WangXian cuteness that I almost died laughing while reading those passages: for me, at times their lovey-doveyness actually crossed into cringe-territory. Not that they didn’t earn the right to be completely corney, mushy puppies in love, but I still had to cover my eyes, shake my head and turn away in embarrassment a few times. I mean, I was literally suffering from a diabetic attack during some of those scenes.  

Of course I didn’t expect mushiness to that level in the show…there’s still censorship to consider after all…but I was hoping for a ghost of what happened in the novel so that once again the spirit of their love confession can still be captured on the show. Or at the very least, I was hoping for some Easter eggs that would let us know that the production team understands our pain and wishes they could’ve given us all the WangXian love too.  

Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any of that. In fact, with much regret, I have to say that in terms of WangXian quotient, I was a rather disappointed in CQL’s adaptation of the Guanyin Temple event.  

It almost felt like in the end, Team CQL couldn’t really come up with anything to replace the abundance of WangXian love we were given in the novel, so they chose to just completely avoid any hints of it altogether. If I’m going to be honest, LWJ even seemed grumpy most of the time. I don’t blame Wang Yibo’s performance for this at all (I will never blame him for anything LWJ…he has given us such an amazing LWJ that he is blameless forever in my book. Same goes for Xiao Zhan and his WWX), I’m sure that’s the direction he was given, which makes me really scratch my head in perplexity. To jump ahead a little, a good example of this is during the scene where LWJ is protecting WWX from Fairy. In the novel, we had this exchange during that moment: (from chapter 101):

Wei WuXian, “Hug me!”

Lan WangJi, “I am hugging you!”

Wei WuXian, again, “Hug me tight!”

Lan WangJi, also, “I am hugging you tight!”

Whereas in the drama, we didn’t really have any dialogue and Lan Zhan didn’t even look too pleased about having to protect Wei Ying from the fluffy puppy. In fact, I was actually a bit bummed when he raised his arm to protect WWX: they started out with Wei Ying clinging to Lan Zhan’s body but raising his arm like that actually caused Wei Ying to move away from him, making their interaction less intimate.

Then there was that pivotal moment in the courtyard of the temple in the beginning, where WWX was being held hostage by Jin Guangyao and his guqin string: that was a scene I was especially looking forward to since that’s when Wei Ying blurts out the line that he’s always wanted to sleep with LWJ, which pretty much sets off his confession of love and devotion afterwards. I was extremely curious what dialogue Team CQL would put in place of something as blatant as that. I was hoping for something along the lines of “no matter what, you will always be my 知己” from WWX, which would’ve served as another callback to what they said on Phoenix Mountain and what they were thinking about during that snowy evening on Cloud Recesses. Just something poignant yet meaningful to capture all the love WWX has for Lan Zhan. Sadly, all we got was forgiveness from WWX about what happened during Nightless City, which, as heartfelt as the words were uttered (WWX saying it all teary-eyed got me all teary-eyed as well), they still felt almost a little unnecessary at that point. Especially since we already got that pardon when Lan Zhan was drunk and Wei Ying was telling him all of it was not his fault. Sure, Lan Zhan’s sober this time around and I did sense all the emotions in their expressions, but in terms of what was actually being said, as a replacement for “Lan Zhan! Lan WangJi! HanGuang-Jun! Back then, I-I really wanted to sleep with you!”? I’m sorry, it fell wayyyy short.  

I also didn’t like the fact that once they were inside the temple, sitting side by side, the dialogue was changed to the following:

Where’s the love in that?? Again, it’s not like I was expecting anything hot and heavy like it was in the book (from chapter 100):

Wei WuXian couldn’t let out another sound. Amidst the darkness, Lan WangJi had already embraced him tightly, stopping him with his lips.

Lan WangJi’s breaths were short and disordered. His hoarse voice whispered beside Wei WuXian’s ear, “… fancy you…”

Wei WuXian hugged him tight, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi, “… love you, want you…”

Wei WuXian raised his voice, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi, “Cannot leave you… do not want anyone but you… it cannot be anyone but you!”

But maybe just a little more affection?  In the book, there was so much love going on between WWX and LWJ at Guanyin Temple that even Jin Guangyao was nice enough to step aside and give them some alone time to talk out their feelings. Big bro Lan Xichen and Jin Ling also made sure to sit away from them so that they could hug and kiss it out. The show actually kept the seating arrangement intact, which I guess was meant as a nod to the fans, but I would’ve rather they kept the sentiments instead.  

Not that Guanyin Temple was completely devoid of WangXian moments, thankfully, we did get the following little touches:

But if you read the novel, I have to believe you’d agree with me just a bit that all of that was hardly comparable to the source material. I don’t know if Team CQL decided to change things this way so that the ending with LWJ deciding to separate from WWX (although temporarily) would make more sense, or if the censorship monster finally got to them; either way, I wish they had been just a little more…creative and generous, I guess? It pains me to say that since it sounds like I’m being rather ungrateful—they have given us so much already—but Guanyin Temple was just so important to WWX and LWJ’s relationship, I can’t help but wish it was…better? At least in terms of WangXian.  

Not to mention, strangely, there seemed to be more technical problems with the Guanyin Temple episodes than with any other consecutive batch of eps prior to them. The issues ran the gamut of bad production choices: awkward pacing (I love Wen Ning and it was cool seeming him possessed by Baxia, but it felt like it took him at least half an hour to get from the courtyard to actually inside the damn temple), very obvious editing errors (one moment WWX has his hand on LWJ’s hand, the next he doesn’t, and then he does again), clunky scene transitions, bad sound editing/mixing (why are we hearing the flute on top of Wei Ying’s whistling and the melodies aren’t even the same?), and if I’m going to be honest, the fight choreography and scene set up were kind of mediocre too.  It felt like only the actors were bringing their A-game during those scenes while the production team was already getting ready for the wrap party since the show was going to be over soon. I mean, look at this, where the hell was A-Yao running off to?  

Why couldn’t they show his death? It was so much better and creepier in the novel. Or is he even dead? Did they keep that open-ended too just in case they want to bring him back for the movie? And will LXC even get his sword back???

I know I sound rather negative, and I actually debated for a while on even sharing my feelings because I hate being so critical of this show that gave me so much joy for the most part. I also didn’t want to bum anyone out with my criticisms, however, even though I love, I can never love blindly, so I just have to get all the griping out of my system.  

On the bright side, despite being disappointed by the WangXian quotient and the technical shortcomings of these eps, I was quite pleased by some of the changes Team CQL made from the novel which, imho, I thought were actual improvements from the source material (sorry, MXTX-laozi!). First of all, I really appreciated the closure we got between Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying. I LOVED that the two Yunmeng brothers got to talk things out and really reconciled. I especially loved this look JC had as he watched WWX play his flute:

As if he was both proud and relieved that WWX found a way to be strong again even without his golden core. We didn’t get such a sweet moment in the book. There actually wasn’t much interaction between them after Wei Ying told JC to just forget about the past; in fact, there seemed to still be some residual bad feelings which made me think the Yunmeng brothers weren’t really ever going to be ok again.  WWX definitely didn’t wipe away JC’s tears or even touch him. That affectionate exchange we were given in the drama was just so precious and needed after all the pain both of them have been through, and it made me feel so much happier and reassured about their relationship. I’m glad that in both versions JC didn’t tell WWX what actually happened the day he was taken by the Wen Sect: it would’ve been just yet another heartache to burden Wei Ying who obviously was ready to move on with his new life. That little consideration made me love Jiang Cheng so much more.  

Another improvement was the resolution between Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. I tried really hard not to ship big bro and A-Yao, but dammit, the show pretty much forced me to, especially towards the end with their last scenes together.  Before I say anything else, I must really commend Liu Haikuan and Zhu Zanjin, the actors who brought LXC and JGY to life respectively: they really delivered during their scenes in Guanyin Temple. Zhu Zanjin is always on the verge of overacting and sometimes actually crosses the line, but all of his choices really worked for me within those scenes. I completely felt the hurt and anger from JGY when he thought LXC never trusted him, just as much as I felt the same emotions from LXC when his A-Yao revealed his true colors.  They made my heart hurt for both of them and wish for a happy ending for them, which is just crazy because JGY is not a good person. As WWX pointed out, JGY really is a lot like Xue Yang, but he probably didn’t realize just how alike they are: they’re both technically monsters but still somehow capable of love…or a twisted form of it at least that passed for normal for them. One of my favorite pieces of dialogue in the entire novel was actually JGY’s (chapter 108):

“In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!” He took in a breath, rasping, “But I’ve never even thought of harming you!”

That moved me so much, and I actually teared up when JGY uttered basically those same words in the show because I believed he meant them, it wasn’t just a ploy to manipulate LXC again. And then, at the very last minute when JGY was about to pull LXC into the coffin so that the two of them could die together, in the book, JGY just suddenly pushed LXC away. I loved that in the show, we are shown LXC’s acceptance to the fate JGY intended for them…

…and that is why he pushes his second brother away. It was enough for him to know LXC didn’t regard him the same way that Nie Mingjue did after all, that he did genuinely care for JGY all these years. Although JGY probably didn’t deserve such satisfaction before his death considering all the people he‘s killed and harmed (except for Jin Guangshan…that asshole deserved everything he got…I’d count that as a PLUS on JGY’s karma scale, even if that was his dad), I still couldn‘t help feeling a bit happy that he attained it. I can‘t help it, JGY reminds me of a Puss-in-boots half of the time.

Finally, as heart-breaking as it was, I appreciated how much more affected Wei Ying was by the revelation that he had just been an unwitting pawn and victim in JGY’s schemes all this time. In the novel, the truth seemed to mostly rolled off his back, probably because he was too busy cuddling with LWJ to even care anymore, but in The Untamed, WWX seemed downright devastated. I have to say, Xiao Zhan really has mastered the laughing-while-crying combo-hit so damn well that he never fails to make my eyes well up every time he delivers that killer move.  

I really felt his pain and anger at how much he suffered because of what JGY and Su She did, and how wronged he was by them, even if JGY tried to partially lay the blame on him and Jiang Cheng. What made JGY’s words especially hurtful was the modicum of truth to them, because WWX was being incendiary and arrogant during that time, and JC really didn’t have his back at all. He definitely never stood up for him like Shijie did at Phoenix Mountain. Again, I should hate JGY for hurting them with such painful truths and hell, I should hate him solely for all that he has done to WWX, whether it was purposeful or happenstance, but I simply don’t. I might feel differently if Wei Ying wasn’t given a second chance at life and happiness, but thankfully he was and that does make all difference in the world. I don’t even hate Su She…I just think he’s really pathetic and I’m glad he died the way he did.

So, do all of these positive factors balance out what I thought were definite missteps in the drama’s version of what happened at Guanyin Temple? If we had another 10 episodes of Wei Ying and Lan Zhan interactions to look forward to, the answer would probably be yes. OR, if we were given a bona fide, neat as a bow, unquestionably happy ending for them, the answer would also be yes. However, because this was the last couple of episodes we would ever get in the series before its conclusion and the ending was not quite as neat as I wish it would’ve been, then the answer is, sadly, no. I feel we were simply deprived too much of WangXian–I think they spent half the time just spectating at what was going on–and therefore for me, the execution of the Guanyin Temple events by Team CQL unfortunately leaned more on the side of being a disappointment overall.  

Thank you once again for reading my second thesis. I have no idea if I will ever be able to earn my doctorate in MDZS/The Untamed, but I will continue to work hard at it. At the very least, I hope all this blabbering has granted me the privilege of being a somewhat worthy disciple-in-training.  

[olliethealright]

Novel Introduction!!

TRIGGER WARNING (for the entire book and this post): emotional abuse, mental health issues, self harm, religious content, suicide, drugs/alchohol abuse

Disclaimers: This is all my original work, so please don’t steal the ideas/quotes I share in these posts. Also, please remember that just because my characters do dumb/bad things, does not mean I condone or do said dumb/bad things. Thank you!

Hi everyone, I hope you all are doing well! Today, I’m going to give a little intro to my novel, Three Steps to Home. Three Steps to Home is an adaptation of a short story I recently wrote, and I’m excited to work with these characters and storyline more because they all mean a lot to me. First, I’m going to introduce the characters, then I’m going to break down the plot a little bit. Buckle up, this is going to be kind of a long one so bear with me.

C H A R A C T E R S

Aaron:

Aaron is such a sweetheart. He’s the love interest/boyfriend throughout the book, and is referred to as ‘you’ by Jude, the point of view character (not sure I’ll keep that but we’ll see). The details of Aaron’s life before moving to the United States ten months before the start of the story are foggy, but you get the idea that it wasn’t a fun time. In the first chapter, Jude notes Aaron’s ability to say nearly nothing about himself, even when he answers direct questions, which is a detail that sums him up well. He may be closed off at times, but he’ll go to lengths most wouldn’t to help the people he cares about. He likes fixing other people's problems, even if he should be focussing on his own. Aaron is an ESFP-T (entertainer) and a Scorpio, which is to say, he’s kind of chaotic and makes a lot of bad choices, but he tries to make up for them even if his attempts are misguided. Physically, Aarons very tall and lanky, he has wavy blond hair, blue eyes, and big wire rimmed glasses. He loves his black jeans, hoodies, and band tee shirts more than just about anything.

“You had a faint tattoo of a crescent moon on your left forearm and two rings in each ear. Guys from this sleepy town would never even attempt to look like that, to look as if they came from somewhere where people weren’t cardboard cutouts of each other”

Jude:

Jude is the point of view character and is one of my favorite characters I’ve ever written. At the start of the book, he feels very stuck in his life and the small town he lives in, and has a struggling relationship with his religious and homophobic mother, as he is extremely gay. He sees what he wants to see in people, and that usually ends up being just the good aspects of them. Because of this, he tends to get into relationships that are either abusive or neglectful, and he tends to think there’s nothing wrong in those relationships. That being said, he’s a smart guy; he speaks spanish, studies computer science for fun and picks up on some things faster than Sherlock Holmes. Physically, Jude is half Guatemalan and half Irish. He’s shorter and stockier than Aaron, his hair is dark and curly and cut shortish on the sides and a bit longer at the top. He’s got warm brown skin and dark eyes, and he has the tiniest Spanish accent, as he learned English and Spanish simultaneously. Jude is a Pisces and an ISFJ-T (defender).

“Mother said it was college that ruined me; that it exposed me to too many liberals, too many atheists or Agnostics or Bhuddists, that it converted me into something I was never meant to be. The private two-year I went to was the right kind of religious and ten minutes up the road. Everyone there was some breed of Christian and straight and perfect, or at least pretending to be, but I let her believe that my education was the culprit anyway. I was her only child, her only blood, her former pride and joy. If she found out I stopped believing in God the day my dad left, there would be no one to blame but me and him, my life would only get worse.”

P L O T

Three Steps From Home doesn’t really have that strong of a plot, but I will do my best to explain. Spoilers ahead, but I’m not publishing this so you should be alright. The book starts with Aaron and Jude as complete strangers. Aaron works at a coffee shop that Jude hides in every day to avoid his mother. They get to know each other that way, and the book is how their relationship evolves from when Aaron initially starts talking to Jude. As the story goes on, the reader learns of both boys’ mental health issues, as well as Jude’s struggle to balance faith, sexuality, and his relationships with both his mother and Aaron. Aaron and Jude eventually move from a small town in Montana to Seattle, Washington, where both their relationship and mental health issues take turns for the worst and bad things happen.

TSFH is told in a first person directed and past tense, so by the end, it almost feels like Jude’s apology letter to Aaron and a reflection of the guilt he feels about how things happened. The entire book is essentially a summary of what Jude feels he could have done to change what happened in the end (not saying what happens until I get closer to writing it). 

-

Okay, well there’s my first crack at an actual novel introduction. Feel free to ask me questions about this project, as well as my other WIPs. Thanks for reading if you made this far! I hope you have a great day/night :)

-ollie

[waitedforgarridebs]

“We are what we are, Watson. And... I love you, too.”

Or: The story of how @belladonnaxy and I unknowingly (!) went to a stage play that made Johnlock canon*

Yes, they did that.

(*And we totally took that picture before going in ... we been knew.)

More of my personal impressions after the cut (beyond the one, big fact that I obviously already spoilered), but: 

Before that I’d like to present to you the great and almighty archive.org, where I found a recording of the play (x) done at BBC Radio Four’s More Than Words Festival in Bristol (2012). 

So, please, enjoy – because there is so much gay subtext in this play, and the feeling of getting the pay-off for it at the very end is the best thing in the world.

Other than the radio play, the original production (and ours now) was only done by three male actors, and only the actor playing Watson was never really changing to play other people (and is therefore considered the “lead character” thehe). Both the actor who played Holmes, and the actor who played Sir Henry, were changing a lot, which led to some very funny pauses sometimes, where they played up the time it took to change into the other costume for laughs a lot.

There were... a lot of fourth wall breaks, in general. Which didn’t hurt me, like, at all :) 

Do you like puns? Because there are a LOT of them in this play (and I mean a lot). Especially about dogs. But more so... about gay things.

You know, like...

Watson describing a walking stick as “a thin, length of wood with a curious curve at one end”.

Watson is Holmes’s conductor of light, “my(!) torch. Just... turn yourself on. And keep yourself turned on whenever you are around me.”

There are two posh guys getting off ... [long pause] ... the train.

Furthermore:

Watson is obsessed with food (and never gets to eat) – he especially would like a sausage.

When Watson is writing Holmes to report about what’s happening, he is pondering about how many kisses he should put next to his name when signing the letter (no joke).

Sir Henry constantly keeps pointing out the beauty of women to Watson, who simply shrugs it off each time and has like zero opinion about it.

Watson: “I just feel like... nothing compared to you.” Holmes: “You are not nothing, Watson. You are my torch.” Watson: “I love you, Sherlock.” Holmes: “I know.” (which, thank you @mollydobby, is possibly a Star Wars reference (x) :))

Holmes: “I need you, Watson.”

And, the famous last line of the play: “And, Watson: I love you, too.”

On a sidenote: There was a horse named Victor.

And before the interval, they raised all the open questions about who Cecilia Stapleton really is, “so, was it a girl or a dog?”

Yeah.

I’ve not listened to the full recording on the archive yet, so I don’t know how they would implement certain things, because this one is a radio and not a stage play – so, just to give you some visuals, too:

Watson and Holmes meet Sir Henry for the first time in a sauna in the London steam rooms, sitting there with him, Sir Henry’s crotch on eye-level (because Sir Henry is sitting on the upper bench), and Sir Henry casually completely unwraps his towel to readjust it, and stands there, flashing all his glory right into Watson’s face.

Leading to Watson blurting out, “We need to get out of here or I’ll explode.”

The first night at the Baskerville manor, it is so incredibly scary, with all the thunderstorms and hound-noises from the outside and whatnot – we see Sir Henry in his bed (which is standing upright on the stage, so we get the view from above), and he’s so frightened he yells out Watson’s name - who too, is frightened... so yes, in the end, they were bed-sharing. :)

Before the interval, one of the actors “fainted”, which was their perfect excuse to announce there shall be a little break.

After the interval, the Holmes actor came back on stage, holding up his phone like a drama queen and gesticulating to the Watson-actor, “READ IT!” - apparently, someone had tweeted during the interval, that while it was an enjoyable play, the guy who played Holmes was dragging out his lines like an asthmatic donkey, which is why the play felt really slow. So, making an “executive decision”, they would re-do the entirety of the first act now, but faster. Which. Was. The. Funniest. Thing. Ever. (And while skipping a lot of lines, naturally, they made really sure not to skip any of the gay subtext.)

When “Sir Henry” died by falling off the precipice after being chased by the hound, Watson tries to do CPR on the body, while Holmes stands there yelling it is useless, because “half his head is missing”. Watson ends up looking at Holmes like “try me bitch” and stubbornly keeps doing the CPR. Holmes, “What kind of a doctor are you even????” Watson stands up, “FINE!”, and kicks the rag-doll that is the corpse across the entire stage. Repeatedly.  Holmes, suddenly yelling, “This is the worst thing that happened in my entire career!”, joins in the kicking the corpse around to relief his frustration. 

Watson is being a bit bumbling and slow-witted in this one, so there is this one moment where he said something incredibly moronic, and Holmes just looks at him, sighs, is #done, #this is the idiot I married, #lies down on the floor and cries.

At one point, Sir Henry was shaving and Watson suddenly rushes him to go downstairs to meet up with Cecille Stapleton. But there is still all the shaving cream on his face, so Watson shall help clean Sir Henry up, quickly. The shaving cream is everywhere... on his face... in his mouth... in his eye :)))))

Watson and Holmes at one point disappear to play snooker together. You know. Aiming at the ball with a stick, trying to hole it, making way more rhythmic “aiming motions” with the stick than really necessary... 

In general, there were a lot of sticks. And guns. And torch-guns.

Disclaimer (because I know this question will come up):

The entire play was a comedy, quite slap-stick, maybe a bit of Monthy Python-y humour – but yes, still, during the break we had our doubts whether all the “gay jokes” would end up being queerbaiting or not. 

While we really thought they were genuinely funny jokes then already.

And they also dragged the straight cliché plotline of “he was a boy, she was a girl” through the mud a little with the whole Sir Henry / Cecille thing – going so far as including an entire tango dancing scene montage with disco balls and ridiculous music.

But in the end, both Sir Henry and Cecille AND Sherlock and John ended up saying “I love you” to each other in the second act, just to really drive it home what saying these words to another person actually means.

And it was glorious.

Second disclaimer:

This play told a story, and this story is over. And yes. There was gay subtext and there was pay-off for it at the end of this story. 

So, please: Don’t salt about Moftiss on this post.

If you find this after series 5 has aired and they actually haven’t made it canon, then yes, go ahead and salt if you really have to. But not now. Not on this post.

Also, one more thing.

I’d like to point out the official listing of characters on the theatre’s website:

We should maybe have seen it coming... ;)

Anything to add, @belladonnaxy? 

[harleyspotatoes]

hcs re: school dances! un/requited crushes! insecurities? all the gooey, sappy stuff :)

hello! i am very excited to write these hehe i hope you enjoy!

WARNING: the last one about insecurities has spoilers for the movie so please read at your own risk if you have yet to watch it!

school dances:

their school’s annual semi formal is around the corner and both boys don’t have dates bc superhero work obviously comes before that stuff 

they both want to skip the event entirely because Billy deems it stupid and pointless and Freddy can’t dance because of his leg

Mary and Darla beg them to go (Mary barely succeeds, it’s Darla who really sells it)

They begrudgingly agree

They get last minute suits and a cheap four set of clip-on ties that all match because it is so last minute to buy anything else 

Freddy gets the blue one and Billy gets the red one obv

They get there and it’s kind of awkward bc Billy does not want to dance (hes kind of being a brat about it) and Freddy is too embarrassed to even try (poor bby)

Mary trots over to them and drags them up and tries to get them to dance several times

it gets kind of annoying

So in attempt to avoid her Billy and Freddy go to a staircase by the back of their gym and climb up to the room of the school

The music is really loud downstairs that they can hear it from up there

They sit there next to each other on the ledge of the roof in silence but it’s not awkward

A couple songs go by and Billy stands up and reaches his hand towards Freddy and says:

“You know Mary might be right. It’s our first semi, we should at least dance once”

Freddy scoffs:

“You were just complaining about how much you didn’t want to dance and besides,” *gestures to his leg*

“I didn’t want to dance in front of a bunch of strangers.”

“I can’t dance Billy”

“Come on Freddy! It can’t be that hard”

“I. CAN’T. DANCE.”

“Oh for the love of-”

Billy then drags Freddy up and holds him while he sort of hovers in the air

I am a FIRM believer in the fact that Billy has reduced powers while he’s in his teenage form

this next part is lowkey a copy of @superbatson​ but I thought it was the cutest thing ever so

anyways Billy lifts Freddy up and now they are both suspended in air

“Oh my god Billy what are you doing?!”

“Dancing?”

Freddy is kind of (very) horrified for the first couple minutes but then calms down after he hasn’t fallen yet and moves his arms from holding Billy’s forearms for balance to around Billy’s neck

Billy then moves his arms to Freddy’s waist

They sway back and forth to the music

Eventually Billy smirks:

“I thought you said you couldn’t dance?

Freddy rolls his eyes:

“That’s on the ground moron.”

Billy chuckles and pulls Freddy in really close

Like Freddy’s head is now resting on Billy’s shoulder

Billy turns his head into Freddy’s curls and kisses his hair

“I’m glad we came tonight”

“Yeah, now we have to tell Mary she was right”

“She doesn’t have to know if we don’t tell her”

Freddy laughs and they just continue until the songs start to fade and the dance is over

un/requited crushes:

so i know you requested gooey and sappy stuff but i had to add some angst to this one jfdlakj sorry but i will add some fluffy stuff towards the end if i can fit it hehe

so both boys have had crushes on each other for a while

like Freddy has been attracted to Billy since he first walked in his (well now their) bedroom

and Billy grew affections a little bit after the Shazam stuff

(it’s been maybe 4-5 since the sivana incident)

Freddy is very open with his emotions as we see in the movie

he can barely contain excitement, is very quick to reprimand Billy when he is going off course, and openly expresses his fear

He may not ever declare his love for Billy but he does joke around a lot about it

like he would hug and touch Billy a lot (personal space who?)

blow him kisses and stuff like that

like kind of joke around but still express a little bit

it confuses the hell out of Billy

he thinks that it’s just classic Freddy behavior 

he has no idea Freddy’s actions are derived from actual feelings

Billy tries to stay calm about it and really tries to hide his hurt and confused emotions but one day it slips

Billy is leaving a room and Freddy is like:

“Bye Billy, love you!”

It may seem innocent and Billy knows that it’s probably a joke (it’s not) but it hurts him more that he can explain

Billy thinks: Maybe if I ignore him, these feelings will stop

and that’s exactly what he does

Freddy doesn’t pick up on it at first

but once he does he is beyond confused

He doesn’t understand what he did wrong

After a solid week of very limited interaction, Freddy finally says something

They just got home and Freddy locks Billy in their room before he can go out to his afternoon patrol

“You can’t ignore me forever Billy”

Billy just looks at him and tightens his jaw 

“I don’t even know what I did wrong. You can’t just do that to someone who is supposedly your best friend.”

Billy clenches his fist

“That’s exactly it!”

Freddy tilts his head to the side in confusion after Billy snapped

“You… you are my best friend, that’s what you are. And… and I know even if I don’t want it, that is all you’ll ever be.”

Billy starts tearing up

Freddy is still confused but now he’s extremely hurt

“Wait, you.. you don’t want to be friends anymore?”

“It’s just so hard Freddy! You keep joking around like you’re into me or something when I know it’s all some dumb act!”

Freddy’s face bursts into realization

“That’s why you’re upset?!”

“I can’t stand it Freddy! You confuse me so much I can’t even tell what’s real or not with you!”

“Billy… I-”

‘No! Just.. just shut up Freddy.”

They stand there looking at the ground in silence for a while

Freddy finally speaks up:

“Billy when I said I loved you, I meant it.”

Billy’s head shoots up immediately. 

“What?”

“I know I joke around a lot but actions ever stem from nothing.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve liked you for a long time, I just thought if I expressed it like that you’d think nothing of it and I would never be caught”

“Freddy…”

“I’m sorry Billy. I should have noticed it was affecting you.”

“No.. it’s okay. I should have said something.”

They smile at each other.

“I like you too Freddy.”

sorry for barely any fluff there jshfakjf i couldn’t find a way to put it in without making it seem out of place

last warning there are spoilers ahead

insecurities:

billy has been overworking himself a lot

like since all the kids got powers they split patrol duty up between each other

Billy on Monday and Thursday

Freddy on Tuesday and Friday

Mary on Wednesday and Saturday

Eugene and Pedro on Sunday

Darla obv does not get a patrol as she is way too young

but even if it’s not his day he still goes out

he never sleeps, his grades drop, and his overall mood plummets

nobody really notices at first because he gradually becomes like this overtime 

but after a few weeks Freddy saw the difference

he beats himself up for not noticing sooner

he confronts Billy about it and he just shrugs him off insisting he’s fine

Freddy does not believe him in the slightest but drops it for the meantime praying it gets better on it’s own

two weeks pass and things get significantly worse

he skips dinner to go on patrol, skips class, gets hurt 24/7, still maintains horrific grades, and still. never. sleeps.

Freddy decides enough is enough

On the rare occasion that Freddy sees Billy again it is in an empty hallway in their school

Billy (in teenage form) is sitting with his back to the wall using a first aid kit in an attempt to mend a cut on his arm

Freddy approaches him

“Where have you been Billy?”

Billy jumps but does not respond, instead going back to his cut

Freddy sighs, takes Billy’s supplies from his hand, and takes to helping Billy himself

“We’ve talked about this. Don’t think I didn’t notice you getting worse Billy. I just… look at yourself! When was the last time you even slept?“

They locked eyes and Freddy could see the pain in the brown bagged ones he was staring into

“Billy… please just tell me what’s wrong.”

Billy sighed and turned his head away from Freddy.

“I just don’t think I’m fit for this whole superhero thing.”

Freddy blinked in surprise.

“What?”

“It’s just… I don’t deserve it. I’ve tried and tried to get better but nothing is working. Freddy I don’t know how I’m supposed to protect anyone if I’m no good at it.”

“Billy…”

“I really want to be a good hero Freddy. But I just… I can’t do it.”

Billy’s voice was strained and exhausted

“Billy, you are an amazing hero. You are the most capable person I know. But you need to take care of yourself before you can even think of trying to take care of others.”

Freddy moved a hand to cup Billy’s face and used his thumb to turn Billy’s chin to face him. 

“You act like it’s up to you to protect everyone. Billy we are all here to support you! Me, Mary, Eugene, Pedro, Darla… your family. It kills me to see you like this.”

“But Freddy…”

“No!”

They just sat there in silence for a few seconds after Freddy’s outburst until Billy spoke up

“I’m sorry Freddy, I should have known better. I should have-”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just take care of yourself.”

Freddy moved so that now both his hands were cupping Billy’s cheeks

Billy nodded through tears and Freddy pulled him into a hug

“I’ll try for you.”

I hope you enjoyed!! This took way longer than expected and is way longer than I thought it would be. I’m so sorry for the length I kind of got carried away. Anyways tysm for the request!