#the crab detector

[idetectinsect]

EVERYONE SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @crab-detector. NOW. >:( THIS IS A FUCKING THREAT. SAY HAPBIRDAY NOWWWWW.

Happy birthday pookie!!!!!!!!

(No insect Detected 🚫)

[rottenpumpkin13]

Whats happens when the boys™️ go camping on the beach?

Things That Happen At The Beach, A List

• The seagulls see Cloud as an easy target and attack him for his food. Zack rushes in to defend his buddy and ends up fist fighting a seagull. Zack loses.

• Sephiroth tries to relax in the sand and read a book, but Angeal's continuous use of a metal detector to "hunt for goods" nearby is giving him anxiety.

• Genesis is going on a drink run and is offering to get everyone else something too.

Genesis: Would you like a sex on the beach?

Sephiroth, not knowing it's a drink: I thought you'd never ask.

• Zack has gripped a seagull by the neck and is refusing to let go. The other seagulls are getting increasingly more agitated. Cloud pleads with Zack to let it go. Zack claims that the only way to deal with the seagulls is to "assert dominance"

• Genesis ia trying to take aesthetic pictures of himself for social media and doesn't notice that in half of them, Sephiroth is in the background losing a battle with a melting ice cream cone.

• Angeal is looking for the guitar he brought to sing campfire songs. Genesis burned it to build a fire. Angeal retaliates by burning Genesis' books in that very bonfire. The last anyone saw Angeal and Genesis they were trying to drown each other in the ocean.

• Sephiroth brings a book that aids in identifying crab species and a camera to catalogue them. Sephiroth finds a crab. He takes a photo of the crab with the flash on. This bothers the crab. The crab attacks him. Sephiroth flings the crab into the ocean. Sephiroth feels guilty and goes into the ocean to retrieve the crab.

• Sephiroth and Genesis try playing with a frisbee for fun. Sephiroth underestimated his own strength and ended up knocking Genesis out with the frisbee. When Angeal finds them, Genesis is still knocked out and Sephiroth is digging a Genesis-sized hole in the sand.

Angeal: ......

Sephiroth: I panicked.

Angeal: Oh my god.

• The seagulls are encircling Zack and Cloud. Cloud lights a beach towel on fire to try to ward them off.

• AGS go on a banana boat for fun. The boat driver warns them that if they don't hang on, they'll fall off. Genesis is the first to claim "Ha! We're SOLDIER. As if we can be bested by an inflatable water sled." On the first wave all three of them are violently thrown into the ocean. Genesis was the first to go and knocked Angeal and Sephiroth like bowling pins.

• Angeal finally intervenes and chases the seagulls away. He gives Genesis, Sephiroth and Cloud the task of fishing for their cookout while Zack helps him prepare.

Angeal: You guys know how to fish, right?

Sephiroth: Definitely. (Liar)

Cloud: Absolutely. (Liar)

Genesis: Of course (embellisher of the truth)

• 1 hour later they come back with Cloud tangled in a fishing line, Genesis with a small fish, and Sephiroth with a big fish. Genesis is fuming because he claims Sephiroth "invaded his fishing space and caught the fish that Genesis was meant to catch."

• Genesis and Sephiroth go paddle boarding for fun but end up having a makeshift sword duels with their paddles in the middle of the ocean. Genesis hits Sephiroth in the knees. This Angers Sephiroth. Genesis now has a total of 2 minutes to make it to shore before Sephiroth catches up to him and drowns him.

• Angeal wants to take some nice group photos to remember this day forever. They're in the middle of a nice group pose when the horde of seagulls come back for revenge.

[fishenjoyer1]

Fish of the Day

Today's fish of the day is the bonnethead shark!

The bonnethead shark, also called bonnet shark, or shovelhead, scientific name Sphyrna tiburo, is known for its unique head shape. It is often thought that the bonnethead shark is a young hammerhead shark, and despite belonging to the same family, Sphyrnidae, they are not the same species. Unlike the hammerheads worldwide range, the bonnethead shark's natural range only stretches from Southern Canada down to The coast of Brazil and Peru, with populations on both coasts of the Americas. It lives primarily in estuaries or bays, living around vegetation, sandy bottomed areas, or reefs. These are a migratory species: during the summer they move inshore and further North, but during Winter they move back south. Eastern populations concentrate around the Carolinas in Summer, and the Florida coast or Caribbean sea during the other months, but there are no concentrated points known for Pacific populations.

Bonnethead sharks, similar to other sharks of their size, eat primarily crustaceans. Crabs, shrimp, mollusks, and small fish.  Similar to hammerhead sharks, they have many electromagnetic sensors on the underside of the head, this is the reason for the spade shape as the spacing of the sensors allows them to better find prey below them. They hunt along the sea bed, moving the head similar to how one moves a metal detector, looking for electromagnetic irregularities produced by living beings. After detection, the shark turns sharply and bites into the sediment, then grinding prey and swallowing. When unable to find prey, or in larger groups they also have been found eating seagrass. Other than for detection of prey, this head can also be used for better vision: as the eyes are faced to the sides this gives them a much wider field of view, allowing them to see if any predators are around, something that gives them a higher chance of surviving past childhood.

The reproduction of the bonnethead shark is viviparous, meaning that the baby is formed inside the mother and born alive. breeding is thought to take place around spring and autumn in the Atlantic populations, but may take place year round without a proper season for it. However, these fish will breed only after they've reached 31 inches in females, and 24 inches in males at around their second year of life. Then, after breeding, gestation takes only 5 months before they have anywhere between 4-12 pups, who are already 12 inches in length. These pups are then abandoned, primarily to keep the parents from feeding on their own offspring, and will live in and around seagrass beds they were born in. This is where they can hide from predators for the first few years. The largest bonnethead shark reported was 4 feet in length, but most are only 2.5-3 feet long. Male and female bonnetheads can be told apart by the sexual dimorphic morophology of the head shape. In females, the head is rounded, but males have a bulge shape around the midline of the head, referred to as a cephalofoil.

Their behavior is unlike many sharks, as bonnetheads are known to exist in groups. Living in smaller numbers of 5-15 in a pod, although there have been schools of thousands reported to be traveling with one another. These groups are not territorial, but they have a hierarchy within them. Strangest of all, these sharks appear to communicate with one another using cerebrospinal fluid as a chemical communicator between individual sharks, letting the others know where they are at any given time.

That's the bonnethead shark, everybody! Have a wonderful day.

[castillon02]

Wade was on the couch, shoveling frito pie into his facehole, when Spidey crawled through the window, paused, cocked his head, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. 

Not Spidey’s usual M.O. 

Then Spidey made a lip-zipping motion at him and dropped from the wall to the floor. His shoulders and calves had tightened, and his movements jerked instead of slinked, his body ready to spring into motion. 

Hot. Mildly alarming, but hot. Spidey had sensed something.    

Wade moved over to the front door to secure their exit. Katanas: check. Guns: check. Frito pie: check. He kept eating. 

Spider-Man did a slow three-sixty, peering around the room, and froze with his eyes narrowed in the direction of Wade’s newest purchase: a Deadpool-themed boombox that Wade had found on Etsy. It had arrived just that morning. 

Wade was going to leave such a negative review if it turned out that his boombox was actually a bomb. Not one star—it had a tape deck, a CD player, and an AUX hook-up, and Wade was all about that retro shit—but definitely negative. Maybe two stars; who couldn’t appreciate the pun of a boombox that went boom? 

Spidey advanced on the boombox and ran his fingers over its surface like a snob testing the furniture for dust. Attached to his fingertip on the upswing lay a red square about the thinness of a gum wrapper and the breadth and height of a motherfucking electronic bug. 

“Christ on a pogostick dildo,” Wade muttered, setting his frito pie on the Javelin anti-tank missile launcher that had been delivered along with the boombox. 

He’d used his last bug detector as a bludgeon, and he kept going out to get a new one only to be distracted by one of the Big Apple’s tempting offerings: people to shoot, Spideys to please, tacos to eat, Spideys to please… Actually, maybe it was kind of appropriate that Spidey was the one helping him out here, given that he’d been so distracting. 

And given that… 

Heh. 

His name was Spider-Man. 

And he’d found a—

Found a b—

Wade made desperate crab pinching motions at Spidey. 

Spidey interpreted his hand signals like a boss and crushed the bug into itsy bits between his freakishly strong spider-digits. 

Wade squealed. “Holy exterminator, Spider-Man! You caught an actual-fact bug in your not-so-actual-fact web! Fly swatter, more like spy swatter!” 

“See, this is why I don’t tell people.” Spidey scratched at the back of his neck. 

Wade put his hand to his chest and batted his eyes even though only the bottom half of his face was visible. “Awww, and you told little old me?” It always made Wade’s heart grow three sizes when Spidey showed him one of his spidery secrets.  

Spidey shrugged. “I figured you’d want your ‘Workin’ 9 to 5’ serenades to be private.” 

Wade settled one hand on his cocked hip and put on a country accent. “I ain’t never got no shame over Ms. Parton, Websy.” 

“I was also trying to avoid mentioning the Nickelback.” Spidey gestured at the CD organizer next to the boombox, which was open to Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 10. 

Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 10 had Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me” on it, and after the Britney Spears and JLo songs, Wade had definitely planned on belting out the “I SAID I LOVE YOU AND I SWEAR I STILL DO” and “SCREAM ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?” lines extremely loudly and emotionally, possibly before shooting himself. Not his ideal recording to have in the hands of his enemies. 

“Your sacrifice is appreciated, Spidey.”  

Spidey gave a sloppy salute. 

Wade narrowed his eyes. “Hang on. How do you know which songs are on that CD?” 

“Oh wow, some frito pie! And what’s that? I think my spider senses are tingling…” As he darted towards the window, Spidey webbed Wade’s bowl from the missile launcher to his hand. 

Wade wouldn’t be fast enough to catch him; instead, he lunged for the boombox and frantically inserted the CD. “Don’t think I don’t know what your 2002 jam is!” He mashed the skip button.  

Spidey hovered near the window, about to be hoisted by his own curiosity. “No way,” he said. “There’s twenty songs on that CD. No way you guess right.” 

“Oh, yeah? Well, listen TO THIS!” Wade stopped the disc on song 15. 

A piano melody started to play. 

“Oh my god,” Spidey said. He dropped the bowl onto the counter and his face into his hand.   

“Makin’ my way downtown, walkin’ fast, faces pass, and I’m homebound!” Wade sang along with Vanessa Carlton. He pointed at Spidey and walked over. “Starin’ blankly ahead, blankly ahead, making my way through the crowd…Take it, Spidey! Dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh—”  

“And I need you!” Spidey stifled a laugh. 

“Dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh—” Wade shoved the frito pie spoon, microphone-like, into Spidey’s hand. 

“And I miss you!” Spidey sang into the spoon. 

“Dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh— chorus time, go!” 

Spidey leaned into the spoon. “AND NOW I WONNNDER…IF I COULD FALL…INTO THE SKY…” He tilted the spoon at Wade. 

“DO YOU THINK TIME…WOULD PASS ME BY…” 

They sang the rest together: “CAUSE YOU KNOW I’D WALK A THOUSAND MILES IF I COULD JUST SEE YOU…TONIGHT.” 

“Hey,” Wade said after their duet ended. The dulcet sounds of Celine Dion (song number 16) faded into the background, helped by his hand on the volume knob. “Could you check my bedroom for bugs, too?” 

Spidey sighed. “For electronic surveillance, Pool. Don’t get any ideas.” 

Wade crossed his heart (and his fingers behind his back). 

“But,” Spidey said, “even if the rest of the place is clean, maybe we should check the Switch for bugs too. You know. With the very advanced spider technique of playing it.” Spidey fidgeted. 

“Going once, going twice, SOLD, to the Deadpool with the color-coordinated boombox!” Wade mimed banging a gavel. 

Pretty good for a day in which Wade had been considering shooting himself to a Nickelback soundtrack. And Spidey ate all his frito pie, so he didn’t even have to deal with any gross leftovers! 

The next day, Wade did some investigating and posted his Etsy review: This seller attached an electronic monitoring device to the product, BUT someone threatened their family to get them to do it, so, what can you do, ammirite? Took out that trash for you btw, np. The CD player, tape deck, and AUX all work great, the speakers are nice and loud, and the design is chef-kiss. 5 stars for immaculate engineering, 0 stars for being unwilling to sacrifice the lives of your friends and loved ones for a faceless customer with a poop emoji in their username, 5 stars again for being bribed into letting me be a repeat client despite all the bloodstains. Looking forward to the Spider-Man-themed iPod with webby wired earbuds!  

Author's note: for those who don't know what frito pie is, it's basically corn chips with ground beef and cheese (and assorted miscellaneous) on top, kind of like nachos. Regardless of its status as a family dish, it is an absolutely bachelor kind of meal.

[sanguineterrain]

get a little action in | miguel o'hara

Summary: Spider-Man doesn't like you. And for the record? You're not crazy about him either. But you kind of wish you could see his eyes when he swings you across the city. For curiosity's sake.

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x gn!reader (some Spanish language is female-gendered, but other than that, no gendered descriptions.)

Word count: 2.2k

Content desc: rivals, superhero!reader (kinda - they're trying their best). miguel's a bit of a jerk ngl but he's a SEXY jerk <3 very enemies to lovers coded. swapped insults, injuries, and a whole lot of charged flirting. (lyla thinks they're adorable.)

A/N: i actually think this fic is the closest i've gotten to miguel's canon personality compared to my previous (delusional) characterizations of him lol. hope you guys like this one! as always, i appreciate corrections to the Spanish if needed, but it's no one's responsibility to do so!

Translations: 

¡Chingada madre! - Motherfucker!

¡Pinche pendeja! - Fucking asshole!

¡No mames! Eres una idiota. - I don't believe this! You're an idiot.

¡Cállate, por Dios! - Shut up, oh my God!

¡Ay, coño! ¿Qué demonios haces? - Oh, fuck! What the hell are you doing?

¿Qué? ¿Qué quieres? - What? What do you want?

¿Estás loca? ¿De dónde sacas esas ideas? - Are you crazy? Where do you get these ideas?

No seas estúpida. - Don't be stupid.

Porque tu haces un desmadre. Eres un dolor en el culo. - Because you make a mess. You're a pain in the ass.

Ve. - Go.

follow @sanguine-marvel for all future miguel fic notifications!

“All units be advised: 10-33 on 10th and Palisade. Suspect is known as “Captain Darkness.” Approach with caution.”

You shove the police scanner into your bag and stash it in the alley by your apartment. You’re close to 10th and Palisade, and the cops have lost Nueva York’s newest supervillain, Captain Darkness, three times already. For all the mocking headlines the press write about him, he sure seems to be the one laughing every time.

You pull your mask over your face as you make your way to the abandoned factory on 10th and Palisade. It looks normal from the outside, but the code means there’s been an explosion. 

Probably best to enter through the back. 

It’s dark, because supervillains like to nail the atmosphere, and that means there’s no budget for lighting. The factory smells damp, moldy. You hope you don’t get sick. Vigilantism doesn’t come with health insurance.

You stay close to the wall, ears tuned for any sounds. Usually, a good villain would have clocked your entrance by now. The fact that Captain Darkness (a stupid-ass name for a stupid-ass villain) hasn’t—

BRIIIING! BRIIIING!

Alarms blare throughout the factory. Your ears ring from the volume. 

Okay. Maybe you’ve underestimated him.

You run; stealth doesn’t matter now, only speed. Captain Darkness is, predictably, at the center of the factory. He has all the typical workings of a mad scientist: electric ball thingy, giant lie detector-looking thingy, et cetera. You go up the stairs of his platform to get closer.

Except there’s something you’ve never seen before. It sort of resembles a portal. Fuck.

Captain Darkness spots you immediately. He has giant crab legs fused to the lower half of his body, which you’d think were sick if he wasn’t such a jagoff. 

“Well, hello,” he says, sneering down at you. “I don’t believe we’ve met. Are you one of the Spiderlings?”

“I’m offended by the suggestion,” you say, darting towards the electric ball first. 

It looks easy enough to shut off, except the Captain blocks your path immediately. He knocks you across the platform. You cough at the impact. The concrete bruises your right temple.

“Alright, that’s it.” You grunt, pushing yourself up. “Now I’m gonna kick your ass for real.”

The Captain laughs. “By all means, hit me with your best shot.”

So you do. You manage to knock him backwards, his clunky crab legs sliding on the platform. You take the opening and shut off one machine, which causes a crackle of electricity in the air. The hair on your arms rises.

But being a mad crab scientist apparently means you have a lot of time on your hands, and Captain Darkness whips out what looks like a ray gun. He blasts you and knocks you off the platform. You hit your ribs hard, and your vision blurs for a second.

The portal begins to whir, warming up. Captain Darkness towers over you, grinning maniacally.

“Your efforts are adorable, but I suggest you find another line of work. No one will stop me from opening a portal. Once I venture to other worlds, I’ll be unstoppable. This world will be mine! Finally, everyone who ever—”

“Oh my God,” you groan, clutching your ribs. “Please don’t start monologuing. Do you know how cliche you sound right now? Blah blah blah, your parents didn’t give you enough attention so you’re insecure and power-hungry. Do I look like Dr. Phil to you?”

His eyes flash and one crab leg grabs a nearby tool cart. 

“You’re no longer amusing me,” he says. "Goodbye." 

The tool cart is flung in your direction, and you roll, covering your head and bracing for the worst. But the crash never comes. You look to see several orange webs wrapped around the cart. The cart flies backwards and hits Captain Darkness right in his face.

Miguel O’Hara lands on the railing of the platform, perched gracefully. He doesn’t waste a second in going after the Captain.

“Oh, where did you even come from?” you shout, pushing yourself to stand. “I have it handled!”

“I’m not dignifying that with a response,” Miguel growls as he easily dodges the Captain’s grasp. 

He swings to the other side, aiming for the portal which has now fired up. 

Perfect. Damn it, it should be you that J. Jonah Jameson will scream about on the news tomorrow morning, not Spider-Dorito. 

You force yourself to get up so you can try to apprehend the Captain. But he has other plans; one of the machines sparks, and suddenly, hundreds of flying crab-shaped robots pour out of the mouth of the portal. Miguel shouts orders to Lyla. 

You’re only interested in one thing: taking down Captain frickin’ Darkness. So you go after him, leaving the factory. Unfortunately, the crab-bots take that as an invitation to leave too, zeroed in on your destruction. Your ribs are killing you, and whatever the Captain blasted you with left a nasty gash on your hip. 

Still, you limp and pant through the pain. You’re not letting this guy get away a fourth time. No way. Captain Darkness has been a thorn in Nueva York’s side for several weeks now and you’ve been tracking him for just as long. You need to get him.

“¡Chingada madre!”

You glance over your shoulder and see a flash of blue and red. Miguel is right behind you, fighting through the cluster of crab-bots. The sight makes your blood boil.

“Fuck off!” you wheeze out. “He’s mine, O’Hara!”

“If you hadn’t stumbled in and screwed everything up, we wouldn’t even be in this situation right now!” he snarls. “¡Pinche pendeja!”

Fucking Spider-Man. It’s because of him that Nueva York doesn’t even know who you are. Every time you get remotely close to taking down a criminal, Miguel swoops in and saves the day. Not without giving you grief, of course. You’re too weak, too disorganized, too slow—you’re too wrong, according to him. He’s told you multiple times to stay away, but hey, he should know by now you’re also too stubborn to listen.

You pull your hand away from your rib. It’s tacky with blood. You’re slowing down, too; you aren’t enhanced like a hero is supposed to be, and after going two rounds with Captain Crabcake, it seems you’re about to meet your untimely fate with killer crustacean robots. 

You really should’ve become a lawyer like your mother wanted.

“¡No mames! Eres una idiota.”

You feel Miguel’s breath on your neck before his arm curls around your waist. You cry indignantly but he doesn’t let go, heaving you into his grip and continuing to run.

“Let go of me!” you demand, wiggling in his grip.

“Shut up.”

“I don’t need you to save me,” you snap.

He looks down at you, red masked eyes burning into you.

“No? ‘Cause every time you screw up, I’m the one fixing your mess. How many times have I told you to go home?”

“I had it under control,” you say. 

Miguel doesn’t even look at you. Your injuries are jostled with every step and you have to fight to not whine in pain. But you don’t try to squirm away again. You’re no match for his strength, and, unfortunately, he’s a lot faster than you. If you want to live, Miguel’s your ride. 

“Lyla, find me a route.”

Lyla pops up on Miguel’s other shoulder. She leers at you, raising her eyebrows.

“Am I interrupting something?” she asks. 

“Lyla. Route, now.” 

“Alright, alright,” she says, sounding far too smug. “Might I suggest going airborne?”

Your fingers dig into Miguel’s giant shoulder as he flings a web string at a nearby fire escape. He shifts you to one arm. Your eyes pop out of your head.

“No, wait, I have a terrible fear of—”

He doesn’t wait, the asshole, and you scream as he pulls both of you up. Now you’re bleeding, clinging to the worst person in the world, and at least two hundred feet off the ground. Somehow, killer crab-bots would’ve been better. 

“¡Cállate, por Dios!” he shouts, jerking his head away from you. “Unless you want me to drop you.”

“I’m gonna kill you, O’Hara,” you say, closing your eyes. “I’m gonna—oh, God.” You swallow hard, feeling dizzy. “I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Do not throw up on me.”

You peek over his shoulder, trying not to watch the buildings blur by. That’s when you spot the army of robots behind you. And they look mad.

“Shit, shit!” you hiss, jolted out of your nausea. 

You reach down Miguel’s broad back, feeling for the nifty little gadgets you know he keeps on him.

“¡Ay, coño! ¿Qué demonios haces?”

He swats at your wandering hands. You smack him back.

“I’m trying to save us, if you don’t mind!”

“Do not touch anything—” he starts.

A bot whizzes by, firing at you both. Miguel wobbles on the next swing, trying to fight off the bot. 

“Lyla, three o’clock!” you yell.

Tiny rockets fire from Miguel’s suit, taking out several bots. There’s too many, though; you need another plan.

“Lyla, run diagnostics on the bots,” you say, grunting as Miguel swings sharply around a corner.

“Lyla, don’t do anything I don’t tell you to,” Miguel says. “She’s not yours to—”

“Water,” Lyla interrupts, understanding where your brain is. “They malfunction in water.”

“Huh. That’s ironic.”

Ahead, the waterfront is quickly coming into view. You pinch Miguel’s shoulder. He hisses, his suit’s eyes narrowing at you. 

“¿Qué? ¿Qué quieres?”

“The Hudson,” you say. 

“I can’t just dive into the river, we’ll both—”

“Use me as bait,” you say. 

“¿Estás loca? ¿De dónde sacas esas ideas?”

“I pull them out of my butt,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“You couldn’t even destroy the portal,” he says scathingly. “I’m not throwing you into the river, tempting as that is.”

“You don’t have a better idea, smartass. And unless you want them tearing up Manhattan, you’ll do it.”

“No seas estúpida,” he says. 

“Can’t help it. It’s one of my superpowers.”

Miguel lands on a rooftop. He drops you none too carefully, and you land hard on your butt. You grunt, the movement squishing your injury. 

“Lyla,” Miguel says.

“Yup,” she says, popping up on your shoulder and scanning your body. “Bruised ribs, and a gash right on top. If you wrap it, they’ll be fine.”

Miguel takes out a bandage and tears the top off. You’ve seen them before; they’re of his own creation, and used widely by his Spider Society. Never on civilians, which is what you are, according to him.

He crouches and shoves your suit up, then wraps the bandage around your stomach. The wrapping begins to expand and you feel the sting of cold gel. He yanks your suit back down without a word.

“I’m sure my ribs are broken,” you say through a wheezy exhale.

“Nope! Just bruised. You really shouldn’t fall from those kinds of heights,” Lyla says cheerily.

“Yeah, you were definitely programmed by him,” you mutter.

You start to get up. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Miguel says. 

“Screw you.”

“You living here screws me enough.”

“I don’t need your help! Why can’t you stay in your own damn lane, O’Hara?”

“Porque tu haces un desmadre. Eres un dolor en el culo.”

“The feeling is mutual,” you say through gritted teeth. “And you can’t stop me from going after him.”

His suit’s eyes narrow. Quick as anything, he flings two webs over your wrists. You squawk, now glued to the pavement.

“This is illegal!” you screech, twisting your wrists. “Let me go!”

“Stay out of my way,” Miguel says. “I won’t save your ass next time.”

You glare up at him, still breathing hard. It only makes you angrier that Miguel hasn’t broken a sweat.

“I hope those bots tear up the Spider Society!” you say. “I hope—I hope your suit malfunctions and the whole city sees your ass.”

Miguel pauses, and turns around. 

“Uh, Miguel?” Lyla asks. “The murder robots? Kinda urgent.”

“Tell Jess to go downtown and cut them off there.”

“But—” 

“Ve.”

He stands over you. You fling your legs up, trying to get a kick in, but he quickly puts a stop to that, resting a heavy foot on both of your ankles. 

Miguel bends down. You burn with curiosity about how he looks under the mask. It’s twisted of you to wonder, considering what an arrogant jerk he is. You could fill several encyclopedias with Miguel O’Hara’s worst traits. 

Still, you wonder. You wonder what color his eyes are. If his hair is short or long. If he smiles at all. His expression when you get under his skin.

You’d learned his real name by accident. Whether he knows your identity or not, you don’t know. You wonder if he has to stop himself from saying your name.

“You’re lucky I don’t web that dirty mouth of yours,” Miguel says, his face inches from yours. “I’ve been considering it.”

You lift your chin.

“You think about my mouth a lot, O’Hara?”

He jerks back, like you’ve startled him. He stands, turning around.

“Don’t let me see you out here again,” he says.

“Wait!” you cry. “What about the webs?!”

Miguel shoots a web towards the street.

“What about them? You don’t need my help, remember?”

Then he’s gone. 

Fucking Spider-Man.

[olgaofkievv]

We as a society need to be talking more about the stalwart Horseshoe Crab. Virtually unchanged since the Triassic period, detector of bacterial endotoxins which make it invaluable to the medical industry....I could go on.

[chicoryglass]

genshin men at the beach!

characters: childe, itto + the arataki gang, thoma, xiao, zhongli

✦✦✦✦✦

childe

✦ this man wants to impress everyone, especially his siblings.

✦ lathered with sunscreen of the highest SPF he could find. he really hopes he didn't miss a spot.

✦ he takes to beach volleyball, definitely showing off and letting the competitive spirit get the better of him

✦ throws the ball up, runs up, jumps, BLASTS it his opponent's way. gets salty if they quit on him. (dude, no one wants to go to the ER over a beach ball 'accident')

✦ his demeanor changes dramatically if he's babysitting his younger siblings, though. becomes the coolest older brother – wanna gather crabs, or snails? he's already getting a bucket and scouring the beach for a perfect spot, playing it up for them like they're on a hunt. wanna build a sandcastle? he's helping them construct one that would put the best architect to shame.

arataki itto + the gang

✦ where do i even begin.

✦ itto's the one jacked guy wearing undies only, glistening with oil or sunscreen he made his gang apply onto him.

✦ does everything to impress his gang. constantly bothers shinobu, who's just trying to relax and sunbathe. she claims to not know any of them.

✦ at first he wants to surf, claiming that he's ridden waves at least three times larger than the ones he's about to.

✦ he does not, in fact, know how to surf.

✦ proceeds to make a fool of himself by spectacularly getting knocked off into the water, breaking one of the rentable surfboards in the process.

✦ doesn't want to tell shinobu, but to his demise, she's developed something of a sixth sense when it comes to the gang's troublemaking. and if she didn't, takuya or hanakado would inevitably tip her off.

✦ shinobu's wrath is inescapable. she pays for the broken surfboard out of her own pocket, seeing the gang's combined handful of mora on them. the gang is banned from surfing (or, rather, attempting to) until further notice.

✦ itto's plan B is to build sandcastles. a couple minutes later, he's challenged a group of kids to see who builds the best sandcastle. the arataki gang lost.

✦ in lieu of repaying the recent debt to shinobu, itto insists on earning some money on the beach.

✦ for a while, they set up fried lavender melon stands, courtesy of shinobu getting them a permit.

✦ archons forbid they somehow get their hands on a metal detector to try and sell some scrap. the beach becomes an excavation site, riddled with holes big enough to sit in. at least they're cleaning it up...?

thoma

✦ this man is too good for this world.

✦ probably checked if there's no crabs buried in the sand underneath the spot he picked, before settling down. if there are, he gently scoops them out and places them somewhere further away. manages to not get pinched like the chad he is.

✦ brought a picnic's worth of food, drinks and snacks to the beach.

✦ it is a picnic, actually.

✦ ayato didn't have the heart to tell him that this much food is unnecessary. thoma only just realized that, and laughed sheepishly.

✦ a solution presented itself when some kids caught a whiff of his amazing cooking and came by, asking if they could have some.

✦ he gladly shares with them, listening attentively as they tell him of their adventures on the beach, and all the cool things they found. he makes sure to pat each one on the head, praising them. in the end, this golden retriever of a man got adopted by a group of kids as their uncle lol

✦ cleans the beach as he goes, actually. notices how much trash there is, makes a mental note to himself to bring some proper equipment for it next time. thoma, please lie down, you're supposed to be relaxing :(((

xiao

✦ the actual cool guy itto and childe want to be.

✦ you know those mysterious, silent, brooding types of people, who capture your entire attention by just being there? yeah, that's him.

✦ he shows up at the beach with his surf board in hand, dressed in one those skin-tight black surf suits that cover his entire body nearly head to toe.

✦ turns a lot of people's heads, he's such a stark contrast to the casual, bright-colored aesthetic most beach-goers have.

✦ originally, he planned to surf in a different, much less populated spot - his go-to - yet sadly the waves were too small.

✦ lowkey annoyed at the large number of people on the beach, highkey annoyed at all the attention he's receiving.

✦ wastes no time getting into the water and onto an upcoming wave. he looks majestic, the way he's gliding through the waves. almost seems like he's flying.

✦ if he were to appear a couple more times, he'd definitely (to his dismay, should he learn about it) earn himself a corny-ass nickname from the regular beach-goers or stall owners, like "black angel" or "waveglider". and become somewhat of a local attraction, or a cryptid, even.

zhongli

✦ did... this man really bring a book to the beach? yes. yes he did.

✦ large straw hat, unbuttoned hawaiian shirt over a white tank top, shorts, and boom - you got yourself a grandpa Zhongli on the beach.

✦ he's also the type of person to wear flip flops to the beach.

✦ for a while he enjoyed the parasol's shade and the cool sea breeze, waves humming him to the state of drowsiness, despite the not-so occasional children's (and a particular oni's) excited yells.

✦ unfortunately, his would-be naptime was interrupted by a kid accidentally kicking a bunch of sand in his direction. at least it wasn't sea water :') with a deep sigh, he carefully shakes his book free of it, crosses his arms, and dozes off.

✦ takes long walks by the water, gathering pretty seashells, amber and seaglass. picks out pieces that remind him of his friends to give as gifts.

✦✦✦✦✦

[risingshine]

...been thinking too much about cyberpunk! AU with @piltover-sharpshooter: two friends, born in wealth and always rivals - one with cyberware and one with biotech, until in the end Chi Ki became the first person to ever pin down a cyberpsycho.

Implant Ideas Below:

Chi Ki's Bioware includes

'Alligator Skin' implant - keratin subdermal scales like on an alligator that can stop bullets and blades and spikes.

Due to her subdermal scales, she had 4 bioports installed to be able to intake and draw from her internals when needed.

Myostatin supression for increased muscle mass and density, leading to 4x the number of muscle fibres

Macrosupplements and Growth treatments to increase her body size to properly support the muscle growth

'Gorilla Bones' implant and supplementation to make bones thicker, denser and more mineralized, and form extra cartilage for shock absorption

Bone grafts to ribcage to form interlocking plates, covered in cartiladge, to protect her inner organs

'Predator Eyes' - Eyes implants built like eagle's eyes, as well as lupis tatedum for darkvision

Nerve reinforcements, supplements and training to increase reaction time and nerve strength - she can't fully process situations, because that takes time, but she can block bullets and punch people running sandavistans.

"Elephant Heart" Transplant of a massive heart to pump enough blood to support the rest of the system, as well as having an additional ventricle and artierial chamber as a backup

"Blue Blood" infusions that transform blood to include horseshoe crab antibodies that give extra resistance to poisons, toxins and illnesses (she is anti-cop, dw)

Drug treatments to increase blood cell count, increasing oxygenation of blood, iillness resistance and coagulatoin/scarring time, reducing blood loss.

As for Cait's Cyberware, basically every combat cyberware under the sun.

Titanium bones, reinforced piston joints, synthetic muscle implants, mantis blades + gorilla arms, subdermal armor, sandavistan, shock absorbers, blood pumps, Kiroshi optics (with scanner, scope, nightvision, antismoke/dazzle and lie detector), military grade netrunning gear, ballistic and smart proccessors, anti-smoke nasal implants, antidote implants, nanosurgeons, etc.

...and Midnight Lady augments.

the only added idea was microboosters in her calves (basically mini jumpjets) for increased run speed and double-jumping.

[thefatcat-13]

dont kill yourself, you got this. i have a tag for positive messages if you need it: #reasons to live

sorry for the sad start, into the introduction

hi!! im Max! i use he/it/glitch/void/xe/ pronouns (aka i will marry you if you use my neos for me). im trans and aroace!

pronoun page!!: https://en.pronouns.page/@Thefatcat13

image credit: @lgbtq-userboxes

other blogs!:

@holy-crab-guys where i talk abt sea creatures, crabs are my favorite but i love them all

@crab-detector where is detect crabs

interests and dni below the cut if you’re interested

onto interests!!!

i love reading! i am currently reading How it Began: the Time Travelers Guide to the Universe by Chris Impey (as of April 1st, 2024)

a few of my favorite books off the top of my head and not including sequels are

What If Its Us by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda Dewitt

Magical Boy by The Kao

They Both Die in the End by Adam Silvera

If I See You Again Tomorrow by Robie Couch

i like a few musical including:

basically ALL the starkid musicals (other than ani, no offense i just dont know jack shit abt starwars so it rlly wasnt my thing lol)

specifically the hatchetfield series (i just added this so i can say my favorite lord in black is T’noy Kraxis)

Heathers

Be More Chill

Ride The Cyclone

Dear Evan Hansen

Beetlejuice

and i like other kinds of music too! for example:

Limp Wrist

Sex Pistols

Cojum Dip

Fagatron

Will Wood

Pansy Division

Jhariah

Bikini Kill

(image credit @awigglycultist post link 🔗)

i have a pretty basic DNI

-racists

-homophobes/transphobes

-proshippers (do whatever you want in fiction but it makes me uncomfortable so i dont rlly want to hear abt it)

-terfs

-basically just if you’re nice to other ppl then you’re fine

people who are definitely allowed!

-neopronoun/xenopronoun users

-xenogender users

-typically “cringe” ppl (if you feel like you dont fit in cause of your interests or stuff like that)

-idrk what else to add lmao im basically just fine with like everyone, as long as you’re nice to me i will be nice to yoy

if you read this far and think im cool then maybe we could be friends! my dms are open always! (tho im not that good at being social lmao)

[remidyal]

Bad Ideas of the Day, part two, the Baddening.

Going to start posting these once a month or so; the prior list is here.

Bad Idea of the Day, too early to be awake but too late to go back to bed edition: Fig, obsessed with finding out who her real dad is and why her mom won't tell her, figures out the truth halfway through freshman year: Gilear is, in fact, an incredibly powerful demon who Arthur Aguefort sealed away into the body of a wood elf and cursed to be the most pathetic imaginable version of himself. Sandra Lynn struck it off with him anyway, but can't risk Gilear actually finding out lest the curse be broken and destruction be wrought and such.

Bad idea of the day, You're Taking This Much Too Seriously edition: The Olympic Games are coming to New York City, against all logic and reason for choosing a host city! Even worse news than the grift and monetary disasters comes along with this, however: dream versions of the Greek Gods start invading Nod and from there start to spread into the waking world, creating the kind of havoc that one would expect from that pantheon.

Bad idea of the day, fake holiday edition: Adaine, in an increasing bid to get away from home more, makes up stranger and stranger holidays that she is obliged to help her party celebrate at night that her parents will believe

Bad idea of the day, Spring Break edition: Preemptively wanting to dodge getting stuck with a shitty quest again this year, the Bad Kids pick their own, travelling to Highcourt to handle a dispute regarding an arranged marriage between two of the ruling families. Are the bad kids the right group to send in when you need to create a semblence of love?

Bad idea of the day, you'll get stuck that way edition: Following yet another unwise use of disguise self, Fig is alarmed to realize that she cannot dismiss the spell and she appears to be someone who is going to have a lot of problems (Your pick of who, because honestly she regularly turns into horrific choices to be, probably reached at its peak when within like a day she turns into Arthur around Ayda and then into Arianwen around Adaine and Aelwyn)

Bad idea of the day, charts and graphs edition: Riz, in the time before Aguefort, manages to accidentally lay out his conspiracy board in exactly the right arcane pattern to offer to pact himself to the nearest being with power enough to take the deal: Kalina.

Bad idea of the day, bad idea of the day edition: A fic following a week in the life of Fig from the point of view of each of her friends trying to talk or trick her out of doing something insane and reckless that might get them all hurt or humiliated.

Bad idea of the day, ASO edition, spoilers through finale: In an attempt to follow Margaret's path of gaining money after leaving UFTP, Lucienne Rex uses her new profession to enter the galaxy's most deadly and rewarding cooking contest, the Battle of the Blends.

Bad idea of the day, FDA edition: The Bad Kids are forced to admit to failure when they all contract severe food poisoning from spoiled crab and shrimp, handing the victory to the nightmare king through default

Bad idea of the day, don't mix the pasta and the antipasti edition: Riz and Sklonda discover, to their horror, that dragons pass their power on after death through their flesh and now both of them have a minor problem that any time they're too excited or even just breath too deeply they're suddenly quite literally spitting fire. Can they deal with this while living in an apartment building with no sprinklers, smoke detectors, or fire escapes?

Bad idea of the day, do you have any idea how much a 2-foot diameter glass orb weighs edition: Adaine is, it turns out, every bit as bad at magic as her parents claim, mostly because of a complete lack of confidence. However, she learns in a hurry after killing people with a ladle, her magical focus, and then her bare hands, she's a freaking natural at improvised weapons. (Almost certainly eventually a monk classswap) Though honestly it might be funnier if she just kept taking wizard levels and being bad at that part of things

Bad idea of the day, overly dangerous summer jobs edition: Fabian, having given away ALL of his money to remove a curse, takes on the single most lethal job in all of elmville, that thin line between civilization and chaos, delivering pizza on the Hangman. Can he make it through three months of nights with a town full of hungry adventurers ordering food without getting himself killed, and can he make enough in tips to pay for the property taxes for the year on Seacaster Manor?

Bad idea of the day, reality show edition: The Bad Kids need to infiltrate a singing contest for a quest, but Fig and Gorgug are well known professionals, Kristen and Adaine are famous for other reasons, and Fabian is disqualified for having Bard levels. Can Fig coach Riz into not getting disqualified before they can complete their quest?

Bad idea of the day, mom joke edition: Pete the Plug is taking a rare trip outside of the city of New York in order to relax when, in an emergency situation out of a bajillion 80s and 90s movies, both the pilot and copilot are rendered unable to fly the plane. With radio communication out and none of the computer functions work, Pete is forced to rely on a new spell he just got working to manually operate the aircraft: Plane Shift.

Bad idea of the day, Starstruck finale edition: Inspired by Riva's words at their wedding, Bambi and Plug search for three more soulmates who they can love fiercely enough to spawn ten thousand children.

Bad idea of the day, A Courtroom of Fey and Flowers edition: Can judge Andhera and his loyal, eager baliff KP Hob manage to keep the dignity of the court as they try a case of family drama between a grandfather and his rackish grandchildren? Why does the peppy district attorney Gwendolyn Thistlehop seem to be hiding some sort of strange secret? Can he just get through the trial without embarrassing himself by revealing that he never really wanted this job?

No. No, he can't.

[netheris]

@crab-detector @daily-crabbys

You might like this

[i-am-the-crab]

can I join the crab army as well!?

-@egg-detector

yes of course!

@maryland-no-rabies ANOTHER ONEEE

[try-and-try-and-try-again]

18.07.24 - Young Darwin Scholarship Day 4

The bulk of today was devoted to rocky shores. We went to East Prawle where we were going to lay quadrats and collect data on the species present at the various coastal zones but as the data software wasn’t working we just explored. I couldn’t take in much information because my pain has been getting worse, I’ve been getting more and more tired and it’s been harder to think clearly, so this post will mainly just be brief descriptions of some of the things I saw and photographed.

1-2. A male European Green Crab (Carcinus maenas)

3. A lot of different seaweeds. Important information is that they are not plants and some of them, such as red seaweed, parasitise each other which is interesting. I can’t remember which species it is but one of them has bulges that look like air sacks but are in fact filled with reproductive material (I guess semen would be the closest analogue). Others do have air sacks.

4. Some sponges of which I don’t know the species - genetically and evolutionarily the closest relative of humans that can be found in a rock pool.

5. Beaded Anemone (Actinia equina)

6. Snakelocks Anemone (Anemonia viridis)

7. The ornate underside of a Cushion Star (Culcita novaeguineae)

8. Rockpool Shrimp (Palaemon elegans)

9. A Grey Seal (Halichoerus grypus) observed from a distance (getting too close stresses seals significantly). This was an interesting find. We didn’t see seals when we were purposely seeking them out on yesterday’s boat trip but we saw one today and the Grey Seal, with it’s characteristic long snout, is more rare on our coastlines than the Common Seal.

10. An out-of-focus Glow-Worm (Lampyris noctiluca), curiously not a worm but a beetle. There were several in the verges between the beach and field centre after we returned from our final evening campfire. We also detected bats on our bat detectors and saw them flying around, possibly Daubenton’s (Myotis daubentonii) as a population nests by the bridge. We also took one last chance to try and spot otters. At one point in the gloom I saw some large ripples and what appeared to be a dark shape but I don’t know if my eyes were playing tricks on me.

[marsnolias]

Assorted g1 Beachcomber headcanons

Those roundish things on his headcrest are where his detectors (sonar, radar, infrared, and ultraviolet) are. They're very sensitive to touch, too.

Beachcomber can climb like a monkey, and often uses that to his advantage in fights.

Speaking of fights, one of his favorite tactics is getting an enemy to chase him, then run off to a place where they can't fit, or where there's unstable terrain. Or territorial organics. Beachcomber once lured Rumble and Frenzy into a river full of hippopotami, where they were quickly stomped.

He also prefers to disable opponents by breaking their limbs instead of killing them. Though it looks brutal to humans, this sort of damage is 100% repairable. You know when Seaspray dragged Thrust into the bush in Golden Lagoon? Beachcomber silenced Thrust by tearing out his voicebox.

He loves all animals, including humans, but his favorite ones are crabs.

Unlike his TFA incarnation, he doesn't often dabble in mind-altering substances. His favorite drug is fresh air, sunshine, and the wonders of nature.

Before the war, he wrote philosophical texts and poetry in addition to doing geology. (The former is canon in 2005 IDW). On earth, he enjoys beat poetry.

Hes friends with Hound and Cosmos. He bonds with the latter over shared loneliness.

[superwingscentral]

At the beach

buckle up this is a LONG post

Jett: Swims all the time. But sometimes flies, sometimes runs at the beach. He's filled with energy. Later he has to get all the sand out of his motors

Dizzy: Doesn't really swim, but looks out for everyone just in case. Eventually joins Astra's treasure hunt. She likes pirates, so pretend pirate time

Donnie: Building huge sandcastles. Multiple, yes. Like that season 2 episode. He's making them FAST

Jerome: Sunbathing, also performs some stunts in the water. Later he dives and looks at fishes. He likes them.

Mira: She's having the time of her life ofc. Absolutely DESTROYS everyone in the water. She's the fastest swimmer for a reason

Bello: Talking to crabs. They climb all over him, others are surprised he's not getting snapped to death. But it's Bello, so they also aren't surprised

Paul: Also looking out for everyone just in case. But gets dragged to water by Kim.

Grand Albert: Takes a trip on the whole beach. Good place to try out his new gadgets in his bag

Astra: Metal detector's out, she's on a treasure hunt. Trying to find any scraps to use on her gadgets, or maybe something valuable.

Chase: Pulling the sea monster prank on the others, specifically Todd

Todd: Falls for it. Then gets revenge on Chase back

Flip: Playing volleyball with Neo. He's winning

Neo: About to take the sight in, but then got dragged by Flip. They're bad at volleyball

Kim: Swampy gave her a water gun. Dragged Paul to the sea, currently fighting him with water

Astro: Brought a switch. Under an umbrella, he's too busy playing Zelda

Scoop: Helps Donnie by bringing him tons of sand

Swampy: Also in the water all the time. He's way too deep rn, looking at the fishes

Zoey: Also under an umbrella, munching on some burritos. First aid kit ready on her other hand

Badge: Keeps an eye out

Rover: Collecting shells, rocks, etc.

Remi: Helping Donnie with the sandcastles

Wily: With Swampy, looking at the fishes

Sparky: Currently chilling

Crystal: HATES THE HEAT. Found a cave-like place so she's NOT going out from there

Bucky: Collects shells, looks at insects, cries when he sees dead insects...

Sunny: Blasting the sickest summer hits from her boombox. It's party time!

Leo: Chilling. A bit far from Sunny though, because he likes quiet places more.

Super Pets: They're playing with the sand. Except Mini Jett, who's in water with Jett

Lime: Portable kitchen out, making snacks for everyone with a godly speed. In the meantime she's munching on cookies

Tony: I think he's strolling around. Also passing everyone snacks

Tino: Chilling. Sometimes collects shells. But also amazed by the beach, he loves it

Ellie: With Grand Albert. She's also trying out her gadgets with him

Shine: Collects the garbage, categorizes them, keeps some valuable ones, because he hates seeing them

Narae: Stayed with Grand Albert & Ellie a bit, but then went out on an exploring trip bc something caught her interest

Goldenboy: Not there. Wonders why he couldn't find those "meddling Super Wings!"