#the coworker

[madnessofmen]

really funny hearing Straight people talk about disco elysium. "I didn't want to make him wear a jacket that said...you know..." while gay people are like "Kim you are Going to wear the pissfaggot jacket"

[onehundredgar]

Man I really don’t think this passes as cordiality anymore

[topperscumslut]

the pseudonyms i gave to the muses of my album are so fucking funny to me. like. this one i met in high school! :) this one i met at work! :) this one i met at a coffee shop! :) this one i met in theatre! :) and this one is just a Fucking Bitch.

[books-and-cookies]

5 SECOND REVIEW

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

Hear me out... Elliot and Brian realizing someone they're traveling with/hanging out with is way more dangerous than they realized? (maybe human shield or finger in the mail if you want to bthb it)

BTHB 2023 - Fill 14 - Finger In The Mail

Oh you know I want to BTHB this c: Anyway time for a brand new character!

TWs: severed body part

"Oh, oh, Sharp, have you tried the wing place down the road? Over by the supermarket?" Brian asked, one elbow propped up in the open window of Sharp's car. "Apparently they have this challenge that's like. Actually insane, almost impossible."

Sharp laughed, eyes crinkling shut as he shook his head. "No, I haven't. Are they good?"

"I dunno," Elliot chimed in from the front seat. "I couldn't taste anything, my tongue went numb after the first two. Plus they're messy, you'd get your nice office shirt dirty." He added, eying the pristine white button down that Sharp wore for their outing that afternoon.

Sharp shrugged, pulling to an easy stop at a red light. "Oh, I'm not afraid of a little mess. Or spice. I haven't met a pepper I haven't liked before."

Elliot shook his head. "Man, I don't get people who like those levels of heat." He crossed one long leg over the other as the light turned green. "I get the pain and pleasure thing, trust me, but isn't there just a point where it stops? Like at two AM when it's wrecking your stomach?"

"I think it's just fun." Sharp said, with a softer smile. "There's a point where it stops registering in the brain, and it just becomes a feeling. Does that make sense? You go beyond what you can even understand as pain, and then it's just it's own, new thing."

"I think I get it." Brian said, fiddling with her shimmering phone case. "When I got turned, it was the worst pain I've ever been in? But there was definitely a point where even though it hurt, it didn't hurt."

"Yes!" Sharp said, bouncing in his seat and enthusiastically patting the steering wheel. "Yes, you get it Brian, that's exactly it. I--oh, hang on, I need to mail something." He said, eyebrows jumping up as he spotted a public mailbox. "Is that okay?"

Brian and Elliot both shrugged. "Sure man, why not?" Elliot said, taking a sip from his fizzing energy drink.

Sharp carefully pulled into the parking lot, up next to the mailbox. "Thank you! I've been meaning to do this since this morning, you know how it is." He reached into his center console and pulled out an envelope. The addresses were neatly printed in pen on the yellow paper, and Sharp gave the flap a quick lick to activate the glue. "Brian, could you hand me the bag from my cooler back there?"

"Umm," Brian said, leaning over to the small, blue cooler in the floor of the back seat. "This one?"

"Yeah, yeah, there's only one thing in there."

Hesitantly, manicured fingers reached for the white lid. She couldn't explain it, but the fact that she hadn't noticed the cooler before bothered her. Something felt gross about it.

It was like the condensation on the outside was more than just water.

She pulled it open. There was a plastic baggie inside, resting on top of ice. Inside, with the baggie wrapped around and around it, lay a discolored human finger.

With an easy smile, Brian picked it up and passed it forward. Elliot's shoulder's tensed, just so, as he undoubtedly caught sight of what Sharp was slipping into the envelope. Sharp slid it inside the yellow paper, then licked the glue again, and pressed the envelope closed. It slid into the mailbox with just a whisper.

Brian closed the cooler.

"Alrighty, that was my only errand for today." Sharp said, smiling brightly at Brian and Elliot. "Wanna go see if I can conquer those wings?"

"Actually," Brian started, before Elliot could open his mouth. She started rolling the window up, leaning back in her seat with her head against the fabric. "I'm feeling a little sick? I think I forgot my sunblock--I didn't think the sun was gonna be so intense today."

Sharp frowned, his brow creasing in concerns. "Oh no, is there anything I need to pick up for you? Vampire sports drink or something?" He asked, brown eyes meeting Brian's fluttery green.

"No, no I...I think I should go home, I'm sorry." Brian said, leaning away from the sun in her seat. "Would...it be alright if you dropped us off? We can do the wing thing some other time, maybe?"

"Of course! You can just text or whatever, you know I'm a nine-to-five guy." Sharp said, pulling out of the parking lot. He drove carefully the whole way to Brian and Elliot and William and Jackson's apartment, taking turns slow and smooth. He even avoided the speed bumps at the entrance of their complex.

When Elliot and Brian got out, with Elliot draping his jacket over Brian's head and offering her an arm, Sharp waved. "Feel better Brian!" He called, car idling where it was as they went up the stairs.

Elliot made a show of closing the blinds as soon as he got inside. "What...the fuck?" He whispered in the cool darkness, as though Sharp was the one with supernatural healing.

"What the fuck." Brian agreed, flopping down on the couch and letting herself try to relax. "I'm not getting wings with him."

"Absolutely not."

Sharp's car was gone by the time they dared to peek through the blinds.

[cordspaghetti]

really factual recounting with no embellishments whatsoever

[james-p-sullivan]

the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????

i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.

so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.

[hellenhighwater]

My office divvies up part of our caseload alphabetically, and one of our secretaries just sent me a new file that's not in my part of the alphabet. Because I'm so very helpful I responded:

Moments later, the printer in my office fired up and spit out this piece of paper:

[soothedcerberus]

Remenber: shrinkp is bugs

[starbuck]

i say i like tragedies and everyone’s all like ‘why do you like sad stories? are you depressed?’ and never ‘how was the catharsis? was the catharsis fun?’

[madnessofmen]

Me: okay, it's ww2. would it be ethical to kill a nazi? kill hitler?

Coworker: well I just think you should ask what their children would think. you're going to make them parentless, people who loved them

[onehundredgar]

"Kill yourself", says my coworker who doesn't hate me. I, borne of apathy, look at her as my voice rebounds off the laboratory walls. "What is the 'self'?"

[soldierandawar]

Frieda McFadden is a talented writer but as soon as the plot twist comes her books take a turn. Then she throws a bunch of random shit at you in the epilogue.

[dekuboya]

Short Jon gender euphoria comic for the soul :,)

[ruporas]

early party (ID in alt)

[cordspaghetti]

“i don’t think we can use this one, guys. who exactly is the target audience supposed to be???”