#the coward line cuts really deep and really pisses S off

[silvers-starrway]

S doesn't get to catch a break </3

[magioftheseas]

Kazuichi & Yasuke

Summary: Souda Kazuichi’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. It’s also half and half but for more unfortunate reasons.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language and references to violence.

Notes: For REASONS, I ended up writing Souda’s FTEs when I initially intended to write Sonia’s. I’m disappointed in myself too, but...hm. I enjoyed writing these. I think it’s fun (?) to write social events where the two parties just don’t get along and that doesn’t change by the end. It’s played seriously, and I’m curious how people will take it. But I wrote these close to the heart!

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

“Blue skies! Beautiful beaches! Babes! By all accounts, this should be a dream come true! So, why—why, why, why, why, WHY does a guy like YOU gotta be here?!”

“That’s fucking rude,” Matsuda scoffed. ��All I’m doing is reading.”

“You keep staring!” Souda accused, shaking his fist in frustration. “And I can feel ya judging, too!! Are you EVER in a good mood?!”

In reality, Souda had been the one to constantly steal glances instead of looking at his own damn magazine. Matsuda, subsequently, had gotten annoyed by it. He really had thought if he focused on his own manga, it’d be fine even with the dipshit mechanic present, but he was a fool. He was a real fucking fool.

Although not as much an idiot as this guy...

“You’re judging!” Souda screeched. “I know you are! Why do you have it out for me?!”

“I don’t,” Matsuda grumbled. “I barely consider you at all.”

“T-That’s hurtful, man! Real hurtful!” Souda even sniffled, he was so hurt by it. “This is why you don’t have any friends!”

...I could leave. I could just...leave. He’s not going to follow me. I could just leave and go someplace quiet.

But, because there wouldn’t be any events if he just left, he was stuck.

Great...

Souda was still glaring at him. He was glaring pretty hard, but also pretty...desperately.

“Even if your face freezes like that, it won’t make you more intimidating,” Matsuda muttered. “Actually no matter what you do, you can’t change that.”

Souda froze immediately. Matsuda gives him a look, but before he can say anything more, the guy flees the scene.

Had the line being broken?

Guess I hit a nerve.

Souda had even abandoned his magazine. Matsuda doubted the guy had the brain capacity to retrieve it later, although he himself hesitates before plucking it off the ground. Thankfully, while it was a little crumbled, it wasn’t sticky. Or oily.

Hm.

He should probably return it.

--

The first thing Souda did upon opening the door was let out a shriek. The second thing he did was slam it in Matsuda’s face.

This fucking guy...

Matsuda took a deep breath and knocked once more on the door.

“Nobody’s here!” Souda’s voice came through muffled. “A-And even if there were somebody—you’re not welcome!”

“For fuck’s sake—I’m just here to give you back your magazine, not because I...” Matsuda bit his tongue, kneeling down. “You know what, I’ll just shove it under...”

“Wait-wait-wait!”

The door was almost flung open, Souda now looking frantic.

“Don’t do that!” he exclaims. “You’ll wrinkle it! You’ll mess with the illustrations! Hasn’t anyone taught you how to treat a magazine?!”

Matsuda straightened up, handing it over without much more fanfare. Souda does take it, but he continues to grumble.

“Seriously, you’re such a slob. That’s like, super unsexy to women. H-Haven’t you heard?”

Matsuda wordlessly glances past into the mechanic’s cottage. There are some miscellaneous gears and gizmos scattered across the floor. Some bottles of what looked to be motor oil. It certainly stank of motor oil.

“Oh, this old thing?” Souda asked, mistaking his staring for interest. He grins suddenly and it might’ve been the first time he’s smile like that at Matsuda. “It’s a lil vroom-vroom I’m working on! Pretty spiffy, huh?”

...spiffy? That’s...something only elderlies would use... Not to mention that’s not even the correct usage?

“I guess you mean it’s neat,” Matsuda muttered.

“I know right?!” Souda exclaimed excitedly. “It’s real neat! It’s gonna be a real wham bam when I’m finished!”

“Right...”

“Right, right!” Souda agreed, nodding frantically now. “You get it, you get it! I guess even a jackass like you still has a right eye for this kinda thing, Matsuda. Just this once, I’ll let you have a closer look! Come in! Don’t be a priss!”

He worked himself up as usual, but I guess this time he at least did so positively.

Mortifyingly curious as to how far this could go, Matsuda does step inside. Souda eagerly gestures to the lump of metal on the ground. Matsuda looks at it closely and—yet.

It’s a lump...of metal. Incredible.

“This baby is gonna go places when it’s done,” Souda sighs happily. “I won’t be able to test it—but I’m sure of it. It’s gonna go far, kid!”

Show him how to lie. You’re getting better all the time.

“I’m sure it will,” Matsuda replied, doing his best to give a decent nod of approval. Souda does preen, but just like that—Souda realizes himself. And he realizes Matsuda.

Specifically, he re-realizes that he and Matsuda don’t have the best relationship.

“You’re not just saying that to make fun of me, right?! You almost got me going, too!”

Although he still seems confused about the intricacies of said relationship.

“It’s nothing like that,” Matsuda waved his hand, shaking his head for good measure. Souda seemed unconvinced, much to his annoyance. “I was just curious.”

Except he really wasn’t. He was the kind of guy who had about as much interest in cars as he did in answering surveys. Souda’s eyes narrowed sharply in suspicion and, seriously, where did this guy get off on presuming so much shit about him?

Matsuda sighed.

Whatever. I delivered the magazine back.

“If I’m not welcome here, I’ll leave.”

He’s not sure what he expected when he turned on his heel. He might not have expected anything, and indeed nothing really happened. He walked out of the cottage, shutting the door behind him, and walked the rest of the way back in silence.

Pretty uneventful overall, but it was still something.

--

“H-H-Hey! Matsuda!”

He supposed he wasn’t really expecting to be called out. When he turned, however, he was already prepared.

“What is it? You better clarify because you’re on a different frequency than I am.”

“Eh? Come on, dude, it’s not like we’re speaking different languages here!” Souda huffed, shoving his hands into his jumpsuit pockets. “I’m just...trying to get yer attention. It’s...like...”

He’s slurring his words a bit.

“You made me feel bad, y’know,” Souda grumbled. “With the way you left. I’m just checking because the last thing I need is you having another reason to...”

“You really are convinced I have something against you, huh,” Matsuda droned, unimpressed. “Would you believe me if I told you that I really don’t care?”

Souda groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Of course you don’t care. You’re a jackass.”

He’s not wrong...but he’s also not right. Not caring goes both ways.

“Hm.” They’d just go in circles at this rate, so it was best to change tactics. “You’re...”

Aah, what to say? Not my type? Not really understanding? This guy...

“You’re here because you say you felt bad.”

“I thought you were supposed to be a genius or something,” Souda huffed. “Like...a brain guy, right?”

“Right.” That doesn’t mean I understand every irrational, idiotic choice a person makes. “I understand the physical sciences. Psychology, however, is its own thing.”

“I mean, I know that,” Souda said, sounding completely unconvincing. “It’s like—the difference between fixing and programming. I can fix a computer, but when it comes to all the typing, clicking, and trouble...finding... I don’t get that stuff.”

“Troubleshooting,” Matsuda corrected.

“Computers aren’t my thing anyway,” Souda went on, unbothered. “I’m more of a vehicle guy!” He lit up so easily. “Like! Vroom, vroom! Wham bam!”

He made other engine noises for that matter.

Matsuda would lie if he said he didn’t find it mildly amusing.

Any moment the two could have had was quickly ruined, however.

“Anyway! There! I spoke to ya!” Souda twisted away. “We’re good, then!”

...it’s not like I’m expecting an apology, but what a shitty fucking thing to just say. And to say loudly, at that.

“Argh! Not good?!” Souda flinched, cowering. “You’re giving me that awful judge-y look again! What is your PROBLEM?!”

For once, the glare was intentional and only intensified, making Souda crumble and whimper.

“C-Cut it out, seriously...! You’re going to make me cry!”

“Is that really my problem?” Matsuda asked coolly. “This is just how my face looks a lot of the time. I can’t control that but you could be less of a fucking coward.”

“I’m not...a coward,” Souda muttered, pulling down his beanie. “I-I’m not! You’re just... You’re such an ass! Seriously! Seriously! How the hell is someone like you—?!”

“Someone like me?” he prodded, eyes half-lidded. Souda recoils whenever he makes any attempt at coming closer. Sure, this dipshit is easily spooked and intimidated, but...

Is there more to it?

“Q-Quit it,” Souda squeaked. “S-Stooooop...”

It’s not...my appearance, is it?

Matsuda backed off anyway, playing with his hair to stave off the irritation. Fidgeting could only do so much.

“I really don’t get it,” Souda said, then, and it sounded almost morose. “It pisses me off so much that you’re the kind of guy that’s just...popular with girls.”

Matsuda pinched a lock of hair hard enough to dig his thumbnail into his finger pad. The pinch did little to soothe his nerves.

I’m more or less hopeless when it comes to tech. A wrench in my hand would only ever be used as a weapon. But, this guy...

“That’s definitely not my problem.”

He’s incredibly basic.

“Maybe you should just take more showers?”

“LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK?!”

A basic bitch for sure.

“Hmm.”

“NO COMEBACK?!”

Matsuda stuck his tongue out, Souda screamed in frustration.

The rest went about as well as anyone could expect.

--

“This really is just the wooooorst,” Souda laments, sounding dangerously close to a sob. “For my first field trip ever, to have it be such a bust is just the woooorst.”

“First time?” Matsuda asked, only feigning curiosity as he flipped the page. He didn’t care, but any conversation was better than listening to more whining. All Matsuda did was sit down to read and he was too spiteful and stubborn to leave when he hadn’t done anything. “Skipped the one in middle school?”

The reason I didn’t go was to study, but for a guy like this...

“Huh? Oh, yeah...” Souda shrugged. “I uh, faked being sick and stayed home instead. Not like I could go with how poor my folks were—not like I wanted to go with how shitty my boring asshole classmates were. My old man was pissed though. Beat the shit out of me.”

“I guess overcompensation ran in the family,” Matsuda muttered, but Souda hadn’t heard him.

“He knew we couldn’t afford it, too,” he just went on. “We had this bike shop but like—not super, uh...”

“Profitable?” Matsuda guessed, to which he nodded along.

“Yeah, people just wanted to fix tires and pump air. We barely sold anything.” Souda sighed loudly before grinning and pointing to himself with a jerk of his thumb. “But! Yours truly still turned out to be a genius mechanic! From bikes to cars! Toys to appliances! You got it, I fix it!”

“You’d make a lot more money as a mechanic than a bike salesman,” Matsuda noted. “It’s a well-paying and sought-after service.”

“I’ve been taking apart and reconstructing things since I could walk,” Souda said proudly. “Even though my old man is just—hopeless!”

“Hopeless,” Matsuda echoed disinterestedly.

“That said, I was still looking forward to this trip,” Souda sighed again. “It sounds nice to go on a trip with friends and stuff, but...you and I are like...the furthest thing from friends.” He does perk up when he remembers, “I guess Hinata’s alright. He’s kinda cool. A real soul bro. Soul pal? Soul friend!”

In that case, why aren’t you seeking his company?

Matsuda’s not quite that petty. Not to mention how childish it’d make him sound while asking that aloud. It’s not like he has a problem with Souda and Hinata getting along.

Although...

Hinata has a thing for Komaeda. That might end up complicating that soul bromance or whatever down the line.

Not that it had anything to do with him.

“I have an unlikeable personality,” he just reminded Souda sardonically. “I didn’t come to Hope’s Peak expecting or wanting to make friends.”

The idea is just...absurd. I haven’t been able to connect with peers in over a decade, why the hell would that change now?

“I know!” Souda groused. “Which is why! A guy like you just shouldn’t be LIKED by girls! Who knows how you’d treat them! If you don’t watch yourself, your alarm clock’s gonna get modified into a ticking time bomb!”

“Try it, coward,” Matsuda snapped, making him falter back. “I fucking dare you.”

“E-Eep...! W-Why do you have to make such a scary face, Matsuda...?!”

“...it’s just how I look.”

Haaaah. This is exhausting. So...exhausting.

“Bad looks and a bad personality, but even you can admit I’m a genius, yeah?” Matsuda turned away. “When you’re smart, people flock to you either as a crutch or a springboard. Especially when you’re young.”

“I mean, I’m a genius too,” Souda grumbled. “I actually could just...modify clocks into bombs if I...really wanted to...”

“I want to change the very scope of neurology,” Matsuda went on, ignoring him this time. “I’m going to make it so that no person will ever be lost to us again.”

“Wait...you’re gonna like...cure death?” Souda asked, gawking. “T-That’s...dude...!”

Matsuda couldn’t help but smirk, all too aware of the growing alarm in the mechanic’s eyes.

“If you could just upload a person’s consciousness to a computer like a program... That’d change more than just our understanding of the brain. It’d challenge our understanding of humanity itself.”

Souda went pale.

“T-That’s, uh...”

“Of course it’s pretty unlikely,” Matsuda said, shaking his head. “And so absurdly sci-fi to the point of fantasy.”

But... It could have been possible at Hope’s Peak. Not on this stupid fucking island though.

“It was a joke. You’re supposed to laugh.”

Souda was left in stunned silence.

“I guess it was a bad joke,” Matsuda admits grumpily.

“Y-You know, I, uh... I just wanted to make a rocket ship someday,” Souda says, slowly and stupidly unsure. “But, you, uh... Your ambitions are fucking scary. Count me out.”

Just like that, Souda stood up and left. Without another word.

That was more or less what Matsuda learned to expect.

--

I really do just have a bad personality.

He knows this already, obviously. But it’s a fact that gets hammered in sometimes. Especially right now, when he sees Souda chatting amicably with Hinata. Souda’s wearing a smile that’s only been directed at Matsuda a couple of times. Even when Souda falters, Hinata ends up saying something that makes him perk right back up.

Hinata’s not that social of a guy in the first place.

The two of them banter with ease even when it’s clear that Hinata still gets exasperated by the other’s antics. Then—something is said. Souda’s expression changes into one of frustration and unease. Hinata’s worried, but when Souda excuses himself, Hinata makes no move to follow him. Likely to give the other space. Be respectful. All that.

Matsuda does trail after Souda, however. He’s not a considerate or patient guy. It’s why he doesn’t have any friends.

“Urgh, hate this, hate this, hate this,” Souda’s muttering under his breath through gritted teeth. “Seriously, why did this have to happen? There’s no escape...the ships and planes are useless...no engines... What the hell can I even do...?!”

“Boo.” Matsuda blew into the mechanic’s ear. “Gimme your lunch money.”

Souda screamed loud enough to blow off mountaintops. Matsuda thankfully had the foresight to cover his ears.

“M-M-M-MATSUDA?!” Souda yelped. “What the actual FUCK was that?!”

“A prank,” is his droning response. “You can laugh now.”

“THAT SHIT WASN’T FUNNY!” Souda screeched back. “Y-You, you, you—! Fucking watch it! I’m not in any mood to be messed with!”

Matsuda waved his hands.

“Alright, alright.”

Souda gave him a withering look. After a while, he backed up even more.

“...why are you here? A-Are you here to...?”

Matsuda waved his hands again, shaking his head for good measure.

“If I were, I wouldn’t have gotten your attention.”

“T-That could just be part of the trap!” Souda sputters. “Y-You... You’re not playing with me, are you?!”

...I was, but not because I wanted to murder you. Jeez. I like to think I’d be more pragmatic.

“You’re free to scream, then,” he said simply. “Scream as loud as you can. It can even be my name if you want.”

Souda shuddered.

“U-Urgh...dude, seriously... You’re just messed up,” he groans, burying his face into his hands. “What I’d give for a vehicle to get as far from you as possible. Even if I get sick afterward, it’d be worth it.”

“Haha,” Matsuda droned without a hint of mirth. “Sure.”

“Come to think of it, if anyone would be tempted to be the one to escape at the expense of everyone else...” Souda does raise his head to give him a look.

Matsuda stared back.

“You don’t know me,” he said. “You don’t know shit about me.”

“I-I don’t know,” Souda huffed, feigning assurance. “I think I’ve been around ya long enough to get a good idea of your character. And you’ve got like—scary ambitions.”

I’m not a considerate person, nor am I patient. I know I should be. It would ultimately make my life a lot easier.

“By that logic, I must know you pretty well in return,” he said.

Souda scoffed.

“Yeah, right. You’re just trying to psyche...”

“Dyed hair. Contacts.” Matsuda gestures to the entirety of him. “The way a person chooses to look says a lot about them.”

Souda’s mouth immediately shut, all blood draining from his face. It was easy. Too easy.

“Wonder what happened? Was it just bullying? Or a betrayal?” Matsuda went on. “People who change their natural appearance like that usually have something deeper to throw away.”

“Don’t—talk about shit you have no idea about...!” Souda growled. “It’s none of your damn business!”

He’s so basic.

It’s true I don’t know what I’m talking about, but you’re still falling for it, aren’t you?

“I’m not the traitor,” he says simply. “If I were, I’d manipulate you to like me. You’re about as easy to play as a cheap kazoo.”

Being a little cruel, aren’t you?

His head’s starting to hurt. For some reason—he himself feels sick. And Souda, well...

Souda’s already sniffling. In tears. Whatever he tries to say just comes out as blubbering. It’s pitiful. So much so that Matsuda pulls back with a groan.

His head really, really hurt. He rifles through his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and a pill bottle. He lays the former on top of Souda’s quivering head before prying open the bottle. As he turns on his heel, he pops a couple into his mouth and swallows them dry with a groan.

He needed a nap after all that, thus he’s on his way.

--

“Hey. You.” Souda jerked his thumb off to the distance. “We’re going. We need to have a talk.”

“Huh. Kay.”

Once they got to the beach, Souda took several deep breathes. Psyching himself up for what was to come.

There really were only a number of ways things would culminate. A simple exchange of words was not going to be it.

“Y-You—!”

At the same time, when Souda spun on his heel—

“OOF! L-Let go! Let go!”

Matsuda was a bit surprised that Souda had the gall to throw a punch first. Not so surprised that he lacked the reflexes to dodge, to seize the mechanic by the arm. He threw the mechanic down, pinning him down front-first into the sand with Matsuda sitting on his back. Souda yelped when his arm was twisted in Matsuda’s grip.

“L-Let go,” he choked out, slapping the sand. “U-Urgh... Urgh...!”

His eyes were screwed shut, likely to keep the sand out.

“S-Seriously?! You couldn’t let me throw one punch for what an asshole you’ve been?!”

“I mean, if you want to upset the princess, that’s your prerogative,” Matsuda hummed before pulling back. “Unfortunately, I don’t like getting punched if I can avoid it.”

“T-Then what about—?!” Souda ended up coughing. The idiot must have inhaled some sand. Feeling bad for him, Matsuda helped him to his feet. Souda’s still coughing pitifully. “Urgh... You’re suuuuch a piece of wooooork.”

“I carry scalpels around,” Matsuda reminded him, making him freeze. A look of fear and then—that fright melted into exasperation.

“Alright,” Souda sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Alright, I get it. You really like flaunting, don’t ya? You’re the worst.”

Matsuda hummed, but Souda went on.

“Y’know...you’re scarily good at reading people, too. You were right about me. I changed my appearance to throw my old self away,” he admits. “I used to be a cowardly loser who thought highly of anyone who bothered to give me the time of day. Even if they lied to me...even if they betrayed me. I was just too much of a wimp to admit that I was being taken advantage of.”

I was just guessing, Matsuda internally admitted. And I still think you’re a coward and a loser. But for different reasons.

“Accepting vulnerability is the first step,” he ended up saying. “You can’t just say you’ll change even if you’re dramatic about it.”

“W-Well, a lot did change when I...changed...” Souda trails off.

“But not the kind of positive change you were hoping for,” Matsuda guessed again. “Were you uncomfortable?”

Souda blanched.

“God, I hate to admit it, but...you’re too sharp for your own good.”

Matsuda said nothing.

“You’re smart. You’re really fucking smart.” Souda gritted his teeth and met his gaze head-on. “That’s why—I’m gonna keep my guard up around ya.”

“That’s fine,” Matsuda replied, shrugging. “There are people you can relax around, and people you can’t. I don’t blame you at all.”

“You’re fine with it,” Souda reiterated as if he wasn’t sure. “Even if...I never trust you...or believe in you... You’re just...fine with it?”

“I’m fine,” Matsuda repeated. “Are you?”

Souda flinched.

“I... Geez! Playing those sick head games with me again!” He shook his head furiously, covering it with his hands as if that’d be a good defense. “W-Well! I won’t let ya! Better fucking watch yourself, Matsuda! Don’t even THINK of trying anything funny!”

“Got it,” Matsuda droned with disinterest. “Would you like to shake on it?”

“K-Keep away from me,” Souda yelped, nearly tripping over his own feet. “Just—just stay the hell away from me! I’m gonna keep an eye on you, but... I don’t want to have to deal with you if I don’t have to!”

“Alright. Fine.”

Souda gave him a suspicious look. He got flustered and quickly turned away. Without looking at Matsuda, he blindly threw back the handkerchief. It only fluttered to the ground, landing in the sand.

“Save your pity,” Souda muttered darkly. “Goodbye.”

When Souda left, it was with an air of finality. Matsuda decided to just leave things like that between them.

Kneeling down to retrieve his handkerchief, Matsuda did pause for a moment. He shook the sand off the fabric.

“...I don’t plan on betraying anyone, not even you,” he spoke slowly and stupidly. “I do in fact...care about lives and I don’t want to see them lost.”

Would that have really been so hard to say?

He really did have such an awful personality. Even if it wouldn’t have worked out for him, it wouldn’t have hurt to have tried.

There are people you can relax around and people that you can’t. There are people you can be friends with and people you that can’t. People you should trust and people that you shouldn’t. You can’t always control which one you’ll be, because it all depends on how others feel. You can’t control that. Even if that’s technically true...

He feels like he’s making excuses. It feels bad.

His head hurting doesn’t help. As he gripped that handkerchief, he took notice of a crab burying itself in the sand down below.

I should do better. I should be better. Maybe if I tell myself enough times, it’ll happen.

[theviolentabyss]

Hot-headed Bugsy makes his mind up. Don't mess with Bugsy or you'll wind up. Wishing you'd left well enough alone.

:: Debut Solo ::

Part One

It maybe a new city, a new country and even a new set of targets, but the job, the goal and the aim was still the same. Regardless of where we were, the objective was to make sure that we were known and we took no crap from anyone. We believed we were above the law. Everyone has a price. Even the police, judges and jurors. They all had a price and they could all be bought to make sure that everything went our way.

Fat Sam’s grandfather had built his empire up in Chicago in the nineteen-forties, just after the second world war. Fat Sam’s father moved the empire to New York in the nineteen-eighties and now, Fat Sam himself has bought the empire to the United Kingdom. A new start. Of sorts.

After the show down with Dandy Dan six years ago, where a truce was called between both Fat Sam’s gang and Dandy Dan’s gang. Things went sour real big in New York after I left. Blousy and I headed off to Hollywood. She was destined for the great stage. Blonde, talented and beautiful. A modern day Marilyn Monroe. Hollywood wasn’t for me though, the straight and narrow life was not for me.

I wanted nothing but the best for Blousy. We just weren’t compatible. We were too different. So after two years, we went from fighting for each other, to fighting with each other. One day soon after I got the call from Fat Sam about moving to England and I didn’t hesitate to take him up on it. I begged Blousy to come but she had made it big in Hollywood, everyone knew her name now. That was the end.

That was four years ago. Four years. I thought of Blousy often. We never called, we never wrote and we never had any communication. I kept up with her ins and outs through social media but other than that, there was nothing between us. There was far too much here for me to concentrate on anyway and I spent more time in trouble than I did anything else these days.

So now, as I sat at the bar in Fat Sam’s Speakeasy club, I was rolling a ten pence piece over and under my fingers skilfully with one hand, while I swirled the brownish-orange liquid in the glass in the other. I needed to see Fat Sam before I headed to the Boxing Gym I owned in Kentish Town. A shipment of AK-47’s were coming into the Dover Docks tomorrow and I have had a tip off that the cops are all over it. So I wanted to re-route the shipment to Southampton, meaning we needed to get our men down there in time to receive the shipment before the cops got wind of it.

It was Sod’s law really that Fat Sam wasn’t here yet and the longer I waited, the more pissed I was getting. I stopped rolling the coin when I heard the door of the club open and I looked up to see Leroy Smith coming through the door. He joined Fat Sam’s gang the year of the truce and has stood by us ever since. Flicking the coin up in to the air and catching it, I shoved it into my leather jacket pocket and raised a finger to the bartender to signal a drink for Leroy as he sat down beside me.

“Hey Boss”

I glanced to him briefly, watching as he leaned up on the bar with a cheery disposition about him.

“What has you in a good mood?”

A knowingly cheeky grin spread across his lips, like he had some big secret to tell but wasn’t going to tell me unless I worked for it.

“Bugs; my man, why do I need a reason?”

I shifted uneasy on the stool. Once Leroy had his drink. I pushed my line of questioning once more, without very much tact.

“Cut the shit, Leroy”

He raised the glass to his lips and took large gulp. His deep throaty chuckle echoed around the nearly empty club. Only members, and visitors of members were allowed in here and it wasn’t even lunch time yet. So the usual suspects wouldn’t be rolling in until darkness fell.

“You’re no fun anymore, Bugsy”

He adjusted his cap on his head, before removing it and running his fingers through his messy hair. Dropping the hat to the counter top, I watched his every movement like a silent assassin ready to strike if need be.

“We got a sponsor for the fight between Trigger and Fingers Saturday night, he wants to meet with you tomorrow”

His grin widened as he spoke to me. Once a month. Every gang called a truce, and beat the shit out of each in the boxing ring. This week one of our own Trigger was fighting Frankie Randall’s guy, Fingers. He was dumb as fuck, but he knew how to fight, so it was going to be an interesting fight. I had been training Trigger myself and he was a force to be reckoned with. He was built like a brick shit house. Was also a few planks short of a decking but he was muscle and I had no doubts he would wipe the floor with Fingers this weekend. Picking up my whiskey glass and taking a sip. I cocked my head in Leroy’s direction.

“Who’s the sponsor?”

I eyed him inquisitively. It wasn’t unusual for a rival or local gang to sponsor the events. It gives them the access to be the only ones who could run bets at the match and monopolise the fight. Though I was strict as fuck and if I believed for one moment anyone was throwing the match I would shut that shit down and the person in charge would be blacklisted, if not dead.

We were all crooks, thieves and gangsters of the worse kind. We were deadly, we carried guns and we didn’t give much of a damn about anything that wasn’t business. But in my boxing club, on my property, you played by the rules and left your dodgy shit at the door because I had no issues putting a bullet in someone’s ass for trying to do over what was mine.

“Rusty Evans”

Leroy finally confessed after mulling everything over on how to tell me and my blood instantly boiled. My hand gripping around the whiskey glass. Rusty had been trying to muscle in on Fat Sam’s territory since we got here. Due to our New York connections, we were known before we even arrived. Reputation was everything and Rusty had made us his main target. The whites of my knuckles were straining around the glass, the tendons twitching with frustration. My lips curled up in a snarl and I kept my gaze forward. Focusing on the rows upon rows of bottled spirits on the back of the bar.

“Three quarters of a mill or he can take his rat ass business else where”

Barking my demand, as I raised the glass and knocked back the final contents of the glass. Slamming it back down on the bar. I saw Leroy jump in the corner of my eye in shock. He remained silent for a long time. Mulling over my terms. My club, my property, my price. People took it or left it. If we didn’t get a sponsor then I became the main bookie, so it wasn’t any loss for me. The stake was third quarters up front, or he could shove his sponsorship up his weak ass. It took all my will power to not stick a bullet in his chest and rip out his heart with my bare hands.

“Sure thing boss. Take it easy.”

He gave me a nod and slipped from his stool, my head cocked in his direction as I watched him replace his cap, tipping the front before leaving the Speakeasy club. Fuck this shit. I wasn’t in a good mood when I came in here, now my mood had gone to complete shit. Rusty was the lowest of the low. He got his men to play dirty and then ran like a coward. I wouldn’t put it past him to have tipped the Feds off on the incoming shipment. Looking across the bar to Louis.

“Another Louis. Thanks”

He gave me a nod and bought the bottle over. Nudging the tumbler closer so he could pour out another shot. Giving him a thankful nod. I picked up the glass and knocked it all back in one. I didn’t have to wait too much longer for Fat Sam to arrive. The door of the club came slamming open, smashing into the wall with such force. As usual he was ranting and raving about something but not making much sense. He was followed by his lackey Knuckles and his on and off girlfriend, and main lounge singer here at the Speakeasy, Tallulah.

“Ah, Bugsy; you here to see me? Course you are, sure, give me five, five and I’m all yours. Yo Louis, make sure my man has got a drink. Five minutes... five”

He was always all over the place. You could never get a word in edge ways and I wasn’t about to attempt to talk to him either until I was sure was going to listen. He disappeared into his office and I turned my head back around. My hand wrapping around the newly filled glass. I could smell the strong scent of Tallulah’s perfume before I saw her or heard her. I think she swam in it on a daily basis and it got right into the sinus’ and left a nasty taste in your mouth. As she now propped herself up against the bar. Her body turned directly at me. I didn’t bother to look at her.

Tallulah was a girl that you didn’t want to get involved with. Face piled with heavy make up, tight cocktail dresses that clung to every curve of her slender figure and purposely enlarged her ample breasts and cleavage to make sure that she got every man in eye line a chance to stare with their tongues hanging out. I was a conquest of Tallulah’s. But I’ve been there. Long before her and Fat Sam started dating and long before she was this high maintenance lush who would sleep with any man with money. That’s why her and Sam were on and off. She was too high maintenance for anyone to keep up with and I refused to be another notch of rich men on her bed post.

I could get my own women, whenever I wanted. I didn’t need to scrap the bottle of the barrel with girls like Tallulah who only saw pound and danger signs, to keep her interested. Her hand finally rose, to trail a red polished finger nail down over my arm slowly, causing me to finally turn my head in her direction.

“Not gonna buy a girl a drink there, handsome, it’s impolite to leave a lady hanging”

I snorted a laugh knocking back the entirety of my glass.

“I see no lady here though Tallulah, just you”

That fake smile she had plastered on her face faded quickly and she scowled at me. I kept my gaze on hers. Unwavering from her intense glare as I locked in her into this show down.

“Hey, Louis, give this girl her usual and put it on Fat Sam’s tab, will you?”

“Sure Bugsy”

Reaching into my pocket and pulling out my wallet, I grabbed out a few notes and dropped them down onto the bar to pay my tab. Leaving a hefty tip as usual. Replacing my wallet into my leather jacket. I slipped from the bar stool, closing the small gap between Tallulah and I. Looking down at her, I raised a hand, to hook my finger under her chin, and tilting her head to look at me.

“Never, Tallulah, never, and you can bet your Gucci heels on that shit too”

Giving her a wink and dropping my hand from her chin, I looked over towards Louis.

“Thanks man, see you later”

He gave me a salute and said no more as he made Tallulah’s drink and I headed towards Fat Sam’s office. It took a long time for Tallulah to shout back. Still stunned she had been shot down before she could even get started.

“You’ll be sorry Bugsy Malone, you will come crawling back to me one day, mark my words”

I chuckled under my breath but didn’t respond. I could hear her heels stomping against the wooden flooring before her screeching scream rang out through the empty club.

[traincat]

i don't ask this with intention of being like One is Better that the Other, but more like understanding them better; how would you say peter's relationships are different form each other, in a nutshell? (or just with gwen and mj?)

That’s a valid question because they are very different relationships and while I don’t like talking about them with the view that One Woman Is Better For The Man Than This Other Woman, Therefore Other Woman Is Terrible, I do think it’s important to acknowledge those differences and they’re interesting to talk about.

Here’s the thing: in 616, I think it’s very important that Peter and Mary Jane aren’t each other’s first relationship. We don’t know as much about her relationship history as we do about Peter’s – we know she’s seen other people, including Harry, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that for the majority of her life, since she was fourteen years old in canon, she’s known Peter was Spider-Man and for a long time kept that secret to herself. (We also know as per ASM #259 that serious relationships justifiably scare her – but I’ll get to that in a moment.) But Peter seriously dated Betty Brant when he was in high school, and, though I don’t think it gets talked up enough in discussions about Peter and Gwen, before Gwen’s death she and Peter were very much planning to get married.

(Amazing Spider-Man #103) 

Cut for length.

(Peter had also briefly thought about proposing to Betty Brant at the end of high school. He’s a marriage monster.)

If I had to use one word to sum up Peter and Gwen’s relationship it would be “passionate.” And not always in a good way. They have a very fast connection in comics, but initially, they don’t really like each other that much. 

(Amazing Spider-Man #35)

They’re on the same wavelength – that wavelength just happens to be “this hot person pisses me off so bad.” But then John Romita sweeps in and things get romantic as opposed to Ditko’s more prickly, vampier Gwen take, and Peter and Gwen start to get closer. That Mary Jane enters the picture and is seeing Peter probably doesn’t hurt Gwen making a more aggressive move on him. One thing I want to clarify that in modern day the word “dating” conjures up, first to mind, a serious image when we talk about fictional relationships, but Peter and MJ were very casually seeing each other after they first finally came face to face, something that seemed to annoy Peter actually:

(Amazing Spider-Man #44) In Webspinners #1′s backup story, The Kiss, Peter describes MJ at this point in time as mercurial and indirect, and says that’s one of the reasons he was more attracted to Gwen at the time. Gwen’s very direct, very passionate, and very open with her emotions, whereas Mary Jane and Peter both have their own secrets. It makes a certain amount of sense that Peter would be drawn to that openness. Peter and Gwen also have a keen interest in the sciences in common, which I also think is a pretty important factor in their early courtship when you consider part of the reason Peter felt isolated in high school was that his classmates didn’t share his interests:

(Amazing Spider-Man #53)

Once Peter and Gwen are together, things get pretty serious pretty quickly, with lots of sappy love declarations and both of them bringing the other around their parents. 

(Amazing Spider-Man #68) Like I said, one of the things I often see overlooked in discussions about Peter and Gwen is just how serious the relationship was at the time of Gwen’s death. They were if not officially engaged then definitely pre-engaged and making plans for marriage. Peter had even wrangled his way into a staff position at the Daily Bugle specifically with his future marriage to Gwen in mind.

(Amazing Spider-Man #99) Peter used to be super good at this whole responsibility thing, in both his costumed and uncostumed lives. 

This isn’t to say Peter and Gwen didn’t have problems – while people paint an image of the college days before Gwen’s death as being some big MJ/Peter/Gwen love triangle, that’s not really true. MJ had a tendency to flirt with Peter, especially in front of Gwen and also Harry, who MJ was seeing at the time, but it was Peter who was at times irrationally jealous of Flash’s flirting with Gwen. 

(Amazing Spider-Man #72)

(ASM #80) Poor Flash really suffered as the least dramatic member of this friend group. It’s a little ironic that Peter got so heated up about Flash of all people because, while Flash does at one point profess more than friendly feelings to Gwen, he’s exceptionally gentle about it and never actually tries to threaten her relationship with Peter.

(Amazing Spider-Man #107)

On Gwen’s side of things, Peter’s frequent disappearances troubled her, and she often begged him to stay with her in times of danger – when he was trying to slip out and discreetly change into his Spider-Man costume – so that Peter would prove to her that he wasn’t a coward. (Look, it was the 60s and 70s in superhero comics and machismo was a big deal.) She could be insecure – Peter’s disappearances sometimes made her think he didn’t love her anymore, a feeling which was compounded when she accidentally lost her temper and yelled at Aunt May about her tendency to coddle Peter, causing May to put some distance between them, and after the death of her father, for which she initially blamed Spider-Man.

(Amazing Spider-Man #91) It was that hatred of Spider-Man that made Peter hesitate proposing to her initially, and she briefly left to stay with her uncle and aunt in England thinking that he didn’t care for her as much as she did for him. All those are, when you get down to it, far more serious issues in the relationship than the notion that Mary Jane and Gwen were constantly fighting over Peter.

I said if I had to pick one word for Peter and Gwen’s relationship it would be “passionate” – but I think that’s in part because Gwen herself is a very passionate character. For all her emotional openness compared to Mary Jane’s at the time party girl facade, Gwen felt very deeply about everything, especially about her relationship with Peter. I don’t doubt that if Gwen had lived, she and Peter would have gotten married – it was the natural progression for their relationship at the time. However, I’m not sure they would have stayed married, and not for any “selling the marriage to the devil” reasons. I’m sure they would both have tried very hard to make it work, and I don’t think separating would be easy for either of them, but I’m just not sure if I see them as a successful long term relationship. (Which, for the record, doesn’t make me ship them less.)

With that in mind, I also don’t know if I think PeterMJ happens without Gwen’s death – at least, not in the specific way it does in comics. While he was definitely initially attracted to her – it’s a running joke before Mary Jane appears on panel that Peter desperately tries to avoid meeting her because he thinks that, because Aunt May approves of her and says she’s a nice girl, that she’ll be ugly, which is where Mary Jane’s famous “face it, tiger” line comes in when she reacts to his surprise at the door – the further in love Peter falls with Gwen, the less intrigue Mary Jane seems to hold for him. Before Gwen’s death, he’s even disapproving of her advances, and dislikes the fact that she hits on him in front of Harry when she and Harry are dating.

(Amazing Spider-Man #97)

(ASM #106)

At the time of Gwen’s death, Peter’s impression of Mary Jane isn’t the most favorable in the world: he thinks she’s a flighty, irresponsible party girl – which, to be fair, is the impression Mary Jane has put some serious effort into cultivating. This changes with Gwen’s death with one very important scene that signifies – not necessarily to Peter, who is lost in his grief at the moment, but to the readers – that that’s not who Mary Jane is at all, and it’s the door scene from Amazing Spider-Man #122.

I’ve noted before that Peter has a tendency to lash out verbally towards the people in his life when he’s in the depths of grief, and he can be very good at hurting people, like here when he accuses Mary Jane of not caring that Gwen’s dead and telling her to get out. 

And she doesn’t. If I had to pick a scene that I think is the most pivotal turning point in any Marvel comics relationship, it would be this one. 

Peter and Mary Jane have a more complicated build up to their romance than Peter and Gwen did. Unlike Gwen, who was very much a heart on her sleeve girl, Mary Jane has secrets of her own, something Peter doesn’t really seem to realize when they do launch into a romance of their own, and when Mr. Marriage pops the question to her the first time Mary Jane ends up turning him down.

(ASM #183) 

Mary Jane’s commitment issues are seated deep-seated. Gwen, as far as we know, had no reason not to believe in true love. Mary Jane has many.

(ASM #259)

I love Amazing Spider-Man #257-259 because they totally recontextualize everything about Mary Jane and throw all her previous actions into a sharp and different new light that just makes the most perfect sense. ASM #257-259 reveals two very important things. The first is that Mary Jane knew the whole time, since before Peter ever laid eyes on her, that he was Spider-Man, and that she’s been walking around the whole time carrying this secret.

(Spider-Man: Parallel Lives)

The second is that, with Mary Jane having told Peter she knows his biggest secret, she makes it an even trade and tells him her own, letting him know the details of her childhood that shaped her into the person she is. It’s really worth reading for yourself if you haven’t already and in my opinion it’s one of the best backstory reveals ever written. 

(ASM #259)

Peter and Mary Jane enter into a weird stage in their relationship at this point in time. Mary Jane is, essentially, the only person Peter can confide in once he learns she’s known his secret all along. Mary Jane, on the other hand, finds the nitty-gritty details of Spider-Man’s life difficult to deal with, even as she tries to be there for Peter. One thing I see a lot in Mary Jane vs Gwen discourse is that while Mary Jane loves Spider-Man, Gwen loves Peter, which is a completely movie-based fabrication – in 616, Mary Jane frequently wishes Peter wasn’t Spider-Man and worries about him risking his life. They have a very strong emotional – and physical – connection at this point, but they’re not officially romantically together, and during this point in time Peter is still involved in a tumultuous on-and-off relationship with Felicia Hardy.

(Spectacular Spider-Man #116)

“I’ve just ruined a perfectly good lie.” (Spider-Man vs Wolverine)

They don’t officially get together again until Peter proposes marriage – again. Although Mary Jane initially turns down his offer again, she later calls him from her sister’s home in Pittsburgh asking him to come down and help her.

(ASM #291)

Hearing about Mary Jane’s past is one thing, but Peter’s confronted with it when he finds himself supporting Mary Jane as she tries to figure out what to do when her father’s schemes have landed her estranged sister in jail. It’s a really great lead up to the marriage: Peter has to learn to trust Mary Jane to make decisions, and Mary Jane takes the reigns when she needs to help out in a Spider-Man fight. At the end, in the airport, she agrees to marry him.

(ASM #292)

It’s not magically perfect after that – in ASM Annual #21, the wedding issue, Peter worries about Mary Jane’s more lavish lifestyle and how she’ll handle his more staid one in addition to his fears over what his enemies could do to his new wife, Mary Jane struggles with the concept of committing after so many years of running from that, and the ghost of Gwen still hangs over them both.

They do both end up making it down the aisle, of course, though:

(ASM Annual #21)

One of the things I love about Peter and Mary Jane is that, while I truly do think the characters are soulmates, they’re not perfect – they have relationship problems as big as Mary Jane worrying Peter’s identity as Spider-Man will get him killed or about what effects his irradiated blood might have on any children she might have, to as small as Peter having a crisis over Mary Jane paying his bills for him:

(Web of Spider-Man #37)

And of course Peter and Mary Jane have a much more complicated and complex relationship than Peter and Gwen did, but that’s because Peter and Mary Jane had hundreds of issues over which it develops and deepens, even after their marriage, whereas Gwen Stacy wasn’t even in 100 issues after her first appearance before she died. So I think Peter and Gwen have much more of an instantaneous love connection, which is aided by Gwen’s own emotional openness, whereas Peter and MJ are more of a slow burn, with a lot of stops and starts along the way that end up being the foundation for a very strong love.

[parks-involving-water]

Review: Midnight by Set It Off

Okay let's just get straight to it. Yall know I’m a slut for Set It Off. This is just gonna be me going in-depth into all of my favorite parts of the songs and lyrics. Les go

1. Killer In The Mirror

This has been a bop since DAY ONE are you kidding me????? The sampling? The sheer amount of fuck you energy? The fast part during the pre-chorus? The DROP for the chorus? Cody saying “knock ‘em all the FUCK out” adds 10 years to my lifespan every time I hear it.

Favorite Lyrics: Now I know, there’s no one I can trust I used to think there was Tell me that I’m cut throat- I think you got your eyes closed Feel the fear, and swallow back the tears Let weakness disappear There’s nobody but me here- the killer in the mirror

We been knew this shit goes hard NEXT

2. Hourglass

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS DESTROYED ME WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT. The fucking,,,, instrumental!!! The beat!!!! Cinematics is on the phone and she said this is it chief!!!! God!!! Like can we PLEASE talk about the nananas during the bridge?? It’s such a small thing but it adds so fuckin much to the song,,,, unbelievable

Favorite Lyrics: I'm falling through the hourglass And I don't think I'll ever make it back So I throw stones at walls I'll never climb Victim to the sands of time

This is also such like? Such a defining song for the sound of the whole album, if you think about it. Quality shit

3. Lonely Dance

ANOTHER one we already knew slaps. The guitar? The trumpet? Iconic. This one has such a fucking Vibe. Also???? So relatable. Cody came through with the social anxiety moods and I owe him my life for it.

Favorite Lyrics: Some days I’m up, some days I’m down Some days, the world is way too loud Some days my bed won't let me out But I’m okay with missin’ out on the social anxiety Out on the phony friends I don’t need So I just turn off my phone, turn on TV Cause solo’s the only way I can breathe

Okay a great song but OLD NEWS let’s get to that Fresh Content

4. Different Songs

Possibly the danciest song on this album. The fucking guitar riff and the bass? The melodies? The harmonizing in the bg of the pre-chorus and the bridge? It all blends together and it’s SUCH a bop. The most poppin song about falling out of love I’ve ever heard

Favorite Lyrics: We once called it love, devolved into lust Jealousy speaks out to silence the trust We temper our words 'cause we're scared of the truth Humming tunes that we can't get through

5. For You Forever

The instrumental in this one KILLS me. So do Cody’s vocals, honestly. He really poured his heart out into those “forever”s and you FEEL it. This one really hits me in the heart tbh. The whole theme of giving up on something that you want so bad is big oof

Favorite Lyrics: She said; “I won't wait for you forever, for you forever So, don't you say it's for the better, it's for the better 'Cause I can't take later than never, later than never No, I won't wait for you forever”

6. Dancing With The Devil

THIS SHIT IS SO BRUTAL. Like even the opening- the distorted vocals,,, god. And the lyrics! So fucking pissed off. Cody once again KILLS the delivery. I will never be over the emotion he puts into every song he sings. And when that hook hits the second time with his normal vocals and then the distorted version UNDERNEATH? Hits so hard. Don't even TALK to me about the rap part god. Also,,,, idk if this is about who I Think It’s About but like either way,,, go off sis

Favorite Lyrics: You try to act as if you're saving me But you wouldn't cut the rope if it was hanging me I'm sick of people saying what you sow you reap 'Cause I've been counting down the minutes of that, so to speak Think of all the hours and hours of grindin’ That would turn into sour findings As I wonder if our resigning is becoming the silver lining But I’m not a coward, I’m fighting Cause if they’re the meat, then I’m biting So go ahead, ignoring and smiling Cause I’m climbing til’ I let you know

7. Go To Bed Angry (Feat. Wayfarers)

This is! Such a good song, and I love the message. Like, settling issues instead of being passive aggressive or quietly angry. And it’s so nice to listen? Like everything feels so clean and leads into each other so well. Also!!! I’ve never listened to Wayfarers before but GOD the guest vocalist is AMAZING. Her and Cody’s voices harmonize so well. All in all a fuckin BOP

Favorite Lyrics: So don't you walk away from me Let's settle this, rather hear you scream Than whisper shit- there's no in-between 'Cause if we sleep in our feelings, we'll never start healing

8. Midnight Thoughts

ANOTHER one with some heavy Cinematics vibes. Honestly, I feel like this one is a great example of how amazing this album’s production is. Like, there’s so many little background elements that come together to make it sound so fuckin cool. For example, that one hook near the end where it suddenly strips back to just a beat and vocals? KILLED me. Also, another relatable anxiety bop,

Favorite Lyrics: Dim the lights, shut the blinds, but I’m counting the time Am I nervous or am I insane? Try to turn up the sound, but I can’t shut it out 'Cause I’m hearing the pulse in my veins

9. Criminal Minds

The orchestral feel to this one is so nice, and the rhythm of the lyrics feels so cool. The strings were such a good touch, they go really well with the electric guitar somehow. Cody’s vocals also feel really smooth in this one? Like this is just a pretty sounding number I love it

Favorite Lyrics: This stress eats at my soul I can't tell if I'm breathing at all Street drama takes its toll So, hit the road

10. No Disrespect

UGHHHHH don't get me STARTED on the chorus here. The stripped back staccato rhythm of the vocals with the bursts of instrumental, and then the way it flows into the full instrumental for the repetition in the second half of the chorus. It sounds so fucking gooooooooooooooood I'm having a crisis

Favorite Lyrics: 'Cause I don't see you the way you want to Forget your rescue, we're dreaming, dreaming, dreaming We had our good times, but time has passed by Begin your new life, I'm reaching, pleading, screaming

11. Stitch Me Up

I have SO much to say about this song. Cody and Shay are so fucking cute and their relationship is so nice. Any time Cody talks or sings about Shay you can feel how fuckin in love they are. The only two nice love songs I can ever remember him writing (The other one being Diamond Girl) have been about her and they’ve both been absolute gems. This one especially. It has such a potent vibe that I can really only describe as a summer song. It’s so,,, bouncy and lively and genuinely sweet with just a faint hint of sadness and ughhhhhhhh. PLUS the fuckin commentary Cody gave for this song on his insta story,,,,

“One of my favorites. These lyrics came straight from the heart. [Shay] and I have both come from damaged relationships, but somehow being broken is what made us whole.” 

Anyways love is real and I’m soft don't TOUCH ME

Favorite Lyrics: Stitch me up, stitch me up, don’t tear me apart I’ve been stuck in a rut, patched up in the dark Stitch me up, stitch me up, there’s pins in my heart Oh, pardon all my precious scars

12. Raise No Fool

Cody fuckin SNAPPED with this song and I’m living for it. One of the things Cody does so, so well, is delivering just the Most intense anger through his vocals and he brought it ALL for this one. You don’t know what happened but you fuckin FEEL it. Idk who this is about but like,,, killem Cody go Off bitch!!

Favorite Lyrics: Well, first you try to tell me that we're family Then you try to tell me that it's for the best You promise that you'll be there if I need ya But I don't need your handout, you can take it back!

13. I Want You (Gone) (Feat. Matt Appleton)

Another more mellow song, but it’s still so fuckin Good. It just has such a palpable vibe and feel. From what I can gather it’s about leaving a toxic relationship behind, and it Feels that way, in a sense? Like when I listen to it I just get this Feeling of something solemn yet triumphant and clean and new, like cutting someone shitty out of your life. PLUS, that sax? It adds SUCH a nice element to the second half of the song. Matt Appleton is a gift I’m so glad they brought him on for this song

Favorite Lyrics: I guess you'd say I'm blessed I threw away stress the moment I said I want you, I want you gone I'm on my own path, you're stuck in the past I want you, I want you gone

14. Unopened Windows

GOD,,, OKAY,,, HERE WE GO,,, Imma be real with yall. I cried the first time I heard this. It just be like that sometimes. But like this is LITERALLY Dad’s Song 2 and I wasn’t fuckin READY for that. There was no WARNING,,, I wasn’t told I was gonna get hit with that much EMOTION Okay okay for real though, this song is actually gorgeous. It’s just,,, pure fucking grief, so much of it, poured into a song. The composition, the vocals, every element of it is so powerful and heartbreaking. This is the kinda song you cry to- but like, a healing cry, the kind you have right before you take a deep breath and start moving on, y’know? The moment I heard Danny Boy near the end, I started crying all over again. Any time I hear this song or Dad’s Song, I cannot fucking begin to imagine how Cody must feel about what happened to his dad. It’s a kind of grief that can’t be explained. I’m just glad he feels like he can share it with all of us, and that he has a support system behind him. Also, I cannot communicate enough just how much this feels like a fucking,,, movie soundtrack. Like this shit would not feel out of place in a musical or something. The swelling orchestral music near the end fucking kills me. Gotta go cry again brb

Favorite Lyrics: All the stories left unwritten that we drew up in the past It's the game we never went to or the drinks we never had As I look up to the stars and make a wish to bring you back But I curse the roof above me and I learn to live behind all these Unopened windows, bound to my heart Fantasy so close feels so afar But I long to break the lock And live among the life we lost Through unopened windows; they tear me apart...

15. Happy All The Time (Feat. Skyler Acord)

WHAT a closing number. Addmmitedly a bit of a jarring followup to Unopened Windows, but it also makes a lot of sense, to go from a song about grief to a song about letting yourself process negative emotions. It also feels like SUCH a culmination of the album. Maxx even said in his Midnight release livestream, he thinks that it sort of represents the entire message of Midnight as a whole. The album was written to deal with a collection of sad, angry, and upsetting topics or experiences- this song takes all of those and says, “Dude, it’s fine, it’s okay to feel shitty, you don’t have to bottle it in or hide it” and honestly, there are so many people who need to hear that- it’s such an important message. Also??? The fucking???? Choir??? WHAT a touch. Honestly there are Several songs on this album that feel like they could be off a musical soundtrack and this is DEFINITELY one of them. It feels like a finale, and it’s so just powerful and uplifting and emotional, I love it so much.

Favorite Lyrics: It's okay, you're not crazy! Gotta taste the salt to love the sweet Let it out and scream “I'm okay, I'm not crazy!” 'Cause the tears remind me I'm alive It's fine to not be happy all the time!

Honestly, this may be my favorite album by them yet. It’s such a fucking monument to everything they’ve been through and learned and explored as a band for ten years, it has such a clear vision and comes together so well. The lyricism, vocals, instrumentals, composition, and production are all fucking fantastic. I’m so excited to see where this era leads us, and I’m so happy with what we’ve seen so far.

In conclusion, the boys did it again, I’m weeping, and stream Midnight on Itunes and Spotify. Peace out kids a bitch is gonna take a NAP

[tonystarkjr]

LYRIC PROMPTS

Some Prompts that are lyrics from very cute and lovely songs. There are always two lines. One for Person A and one for Person B.

A

 „You ain't no lady but you've sure got taste in men.“ – „But I've been told by friends of mine you're someone I can trust.“ (AC/DC - Carry Me Home)

„You say you want the truth, but you can't take it. So I give you lies.“ – „I won't apologize to you anymore. Cause I'm a grown-ass man.“ (Adam Lambert – There I Said it)

„Everybody loves the things you do. From the way you talk to the way you move“ - „My God, this reminds me. Of when we were young.“  (Adele – When we Were Young)

„I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe!“ -  „At the end of it all, you're still my best friend.“  (Alex Clare – Too Close)

„I'm getting sick of your bullshit attitude.“ – „Do you want me. Or do you want me dead?“  (All Time Low – Do You Want Me (Dead)?)

„Tell me how am I supposed to breathe. When losing you is choking me?“ – „I still remember that empty look left on your face.“ (The All-American Rejects – Heartbeat Slowing Down)

 „I'm so into you, I can barely breathe.“ – „A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that's how I want it.“ (Ariana Grande – Into You)

„I want to show you who I really am.“ – „I wanna get to know you, talk all night.“ (Aura Dione – Masterpiece)

„Now don't you tell me to leave you alone.“ – „I want you to touch me.“ (Avicii – Touch Me)

„I don’t like your girlfriend!“ – „I think we should get together now.“ (Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend)

B

„Add on that I'm a coward. Too scared to return your calls.“ – „Despite how silly it sounds. You're bigger. Than me.“ (Backstreet Boys – Bigger)

„And you said you always had my back.“ – „I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore.“ (Bastille – Bad Blood)

„Who the fuck do you think I am?“ – „And keep your money, I've got my own.“ (Beyoncé – Don’t Hurt Yourself)

„And I'm too fucked up.“ – „But I know I'll never be that cool.“ (Blink 182 – Apple Shampoo)

„They don't think you're all that cool. They like you for your step-dad's pool.“ – „Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see.“ – (Bloodhound Gang – Uncool As Me)

„I really want you to really want me, but I really don't know if you can do that.“ – „And you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.“ – (James Blunt – I Really Want You)

„For the love of god, will you bite your tongue.“ – „I think it's time you knew the truth.“ – (Bring Me The Horizon – Go To Hell, For Heaven’s Sake.)

„My mouth is shut, my lips are sealed.“ – „I should have turned and walked away.“ (Billy Talent – The Crutch)

„Don't believe me just watch.“ – „Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty.“ (Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk)

„Don't try and heal me when I'm broken.“ – „This might be hard to hear.“ (Bullet For My Valentine – Broken)

C

„It's way too soon, I know this isn't love.“ – „But I need to tell you something.“ (Carly Rae Jepsen – Really Like You)

„I've been waiting all night long to know your name.“ – „You've been so cold.“ (Chris Brown – I’ll call ya)

„I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes.“ – „Let me take another selfie.“ (The Chainsmokers - #Selfie)

„Don't you ever say I just walked away.“ – „I will always want you.“ (Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball)

D

 „There are so many things that I don't understand.“ – „I've been, for sometime, looking for someone.“ (Daft Punk  - Within)

„Leave him alone, let him go!“ – „Only you can stop the pain.“ (David Guetta – Used To Be The One)

„Can't you act your age“ - „It's not my fault you'll never be happy.“  (A Day To Remember – Best Of Me)

„And all that I want is forgiveness one more time.“ – „To be the best in the world.“ (Disturbed – Just Stop)

E

„Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00.“ – „Don’t fuck with my love.“ (Ed Sheeran – Don’t)

„You shoot me once, you shoot me twice.“ – „Let me show you what I'm talking about.“ (Enrique Iglesias)

„I'm on my own.“ – „I think I'm falling and there's no return.“ (Enter Shikari – One True Colour)

F

„I'm just a notch in your bedpost.“ – „I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear.“ (Fall Out Boy – We’re Going Down)

G

„All that I remember is that you had me at hello.“ – „What happened? Did it happen? Last night.“ (Good Charlotte – Last Night)

„I heard you crying loud.“ – „You’ve been thinking about ditching me.“ (Green Day – When i come around)

„
It’s a mystery how you sleep at night.“ – „
I give you so many chances, but you screw them all up.“ (Gossip – I Won’t Play)

H

„Baby just don't close your heart.“ – „It's all going wrong.“ (HIM – Don’t close your Heart)

I

Come with me and we will run away.“ – „I am all you adore, lately.“ (Imagine Dragons – Hear Me)

J

„If you don't want me to leave then don't push me away.“ – „I'm gonna stay.“ (James Morrison – Dont Wanna Love Me)

„How much I adore those pretty eyes of yours.“ – „Can you love me for a lifetime or just one night.“ (Jennifer Lopez – Baby I Love You)

„I'm gonna be be good so tell me that you're gonna be good too.“ – „I'm gonna treat you right.“ (Jonas Brothers – BB Good)

„'Cause I'm missing more than just your body.“ – „I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.“ (Justin Bieber – Sorry)

„Beautiful smile with those sad eyes.“ – „I don't know why you'd leave me alone.“ (Justin Timberlake – Amnesia)

K

„You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal.“ – „You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal.“ (Katy Perry – Ur So Gay)

„Never thought that you would be the one.“ – „Maybe you shouldn't Kiss 'n' tell.“ (Ke$ha – Kiss N Tell)

„Taking me higher than I've ever been before.“ – „You're just another day that keeps me breathing.“ (Kiesza – Hideaway)

L

„I just want you alone“ - „It wasn't love, it wasn't love.“ (Lady Gaga – Perfect Illusion)

„You say that you are proud of me.“ – „You’re not the one that you pretend to be.“ (Linkin Park – Pretend To Be)

„Forget that boy, I'm over it.“ – „Guess I should say thank you.“ (Little Mix – Shout Out To My Ex)

M

When I'm without you. I'm so insecure.“ – „Don't let nobody touch it. Unless that somebody's me.“ (Maroon 5 – Sugar)

„I have the loves of many men. But I don’t love any of them.“  - „Why do you cheat on me?“ (Metallica – Cheat On Me)

„I got a bulletproof heart.“ – „Let me be the one to save you.“ (My Chemical Romance – Bulletproof Heart)

N

„And my heart feels a fool.“ – „Can't stop thinking of you, cause I'm so jealous, baby.“ ( New Kids on the Block – Jealous)

O

„Counted all my mistakes and there's only one.“ – „Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out.“ (One Direction – Where do Broken Hearts Go?)

„I can only be myself.“ – „I'll never forget you.“ (Olly Murs – Tryna change me)

„But you confuse me.“ – „I said babe do you want to take it fast or slow?.“ (OneRepublic – The Less I Know)

P

„Do I look lonely?“ – „Am I the best you've ever had?“ (Panic! At The Disco – Death of a Bachelor)

 „Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.“ – „I cannot take any more.“ (P!nk – Stupid Girls)

„I know you like me.“ – „Let's keep it friendly.“ (The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha)

„Hate is a strong word.“ – „Thought you thought that I was worth it.“ (Plain White T’s –Hate Really Don’t Like You)

Q

 „The Show must go on.“ – „Inside my heart is breaking.“ (Queen – The Show Must Go On)

R

„I forgot your birthday.“ – „I'm a mess.“ (The Rasmus – I’m A Mess)

„Show me what it is you believe in.“ – „Do you want to get up early in the morning?“ (Red Hot Chili Peppers – We Turn Red)

„Tell me why don't you bring me flowers?“ – „Tell me why don't you notice me?“ (Roxette – Why Don’t You Bring Me Flowers?)

„But we haven’t kissed for four days.“ – „If we go down, we’re going down together.“ (Robin Schulz – Titanic)

„I'm no good without you.“ – „Just love me.“ (Rihanna – Love On The Brain)

„Why are you not afraid?“ – „I have learned to stand up and just to walk away.“ (Rise Against – Beautiful Indifference)

„Come in and close the door.“ – „But now you know me so you know that I'd be lying.“ (Robbie Williams – Motherfucker)

S

„You say I'm crazy.“ – „I know I'm not the only one.“ (Sam Smith – Not The Only One)

„Why do you say things. If you do not mean them.“ – „And now i can’t sleep.“ (Shakira – Cut Me Deep)

„I found a note with another name.“ -  „I can't bite my tongue forever.“ (Simple Plan – Your Love Is A Lie)

„I'm talking to myself.“ – „Forgot what I just said.“ (Sum 41 – All Messed Up)

„I can break your heart.“ – „you think you are to good for anyone.“ (Sunrise Avenue – I Can Break Your Heart)

 T

„You look like my next mistake.“ – „'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream.“ (Taylor Swift – Blank Space)

„I never sleep.“ – „I wish I knew what it was like.“ (Three Days Grace – I Am Machine)

„I am not as fine as I seem, pardon.“ – „The game is not played alone.“ (Twenty One Pilots – Migraine)

U

„I swear to tell the truth.“ – „But I guess my love wasn't good enough.“ (Usher – Guilty)

V

„Did you say the thing you wanted?“ – „Have you ever felt in love?“ (Volbeat – Goodbye Forever)

W

„You're only looking for attention.“ – „What do you expect now?“ (The Weeknd – Attention)

„Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me?“ – „And he doesn't give a damn about me.“ (Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag)

Z

„I'd love to wake up next to you.“ – „So we'll piss off the neighbours.“ (Zayn Malik – Pillowtalk)

#

„What happened to just messing around?“ „I’ll break your Heart“ (The 1975 – Girls)

„He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you it's not fair.“ – „Thanks for being a friend.“ (5 Seconds of Summer – Heartbreak Girl)

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #03: Not Like You

“Say hey, EWC Faithful! Welcome to beautiful sunny California! Check it out, we saved so much cash on the way here that we splurged and rented us a beach house!” “And I’m sleeping on the couch.” The camera swiveled around momentarily to focus on a neat little cottage on the beach with a teal paint job and pink trim that boasted one bedroom, one bathroom, a common room, a kitchen, and a back deck (and an adorable, if perhaps slightly overdone, mermaid-based decor theme). A cute little place, really, even if the presence of three people relegated one to the fold-out. Still, a small private stretch of beach was included, and that’s what was arguably the most important part. After lingering a second on the house, the camera swooped back around to focus on NSFW themselves, both smartly clad in swim trunks and NSFW tank tops, sunglasses, and in Bishop’s case, swim floaties. Their noses were coated in Zinka sunscreen, orange and green respectively. There was a sandwich board planted in the sand before them, but it was covered up by a official new, hot for the summer, NSFW beach towel. “I told him he didn’t fuckin’ have to, but he insisted. THAT is the kind of stand-up fuckin’ guy your TV Champion is, Faithful. Eat your hearts out.” “It would be unforward of me considering.” “Yeah I know, but the couch’s a fold out and we TOTALLY coulda… anyway. We ain’t talkin’ bout the ever-lively TV Championship scene today. Today, we are gonna start off by talkin’ a little bit about our beloved Tag Team division in general. And we even made a nice clear visual aid.” Grabbing the towel- only $15.99 plus S&H, order now and get a free pair of NSFW arm floaties AND a set of five fidget spinners!- Mike whipped it off in a dramatic flourish, revealing its bold text to the world. The camera lingered long enough for it to be easily read. Finally pulling back to them, Mike planted the phone onto a tripod and backed up, standing as always at her partner’s right hand side, arms folded and a small smirk on her face. John tapped his fingers on top of the wooden board. “We share this with our colleagues with only the intention of inspiration. But maybe being called to the carpet evokes different king of feeling.” John looked over to Mike with a fond expression as if saying ‘Take it from here.’ “If this pisses you guys off? Good. Maybe it’ll light a goddamn fire under your asses. We said from the moment we came here that we wanna spark a revolution. A fuckin’ Renaissance. Bring this division back from the dead. WORK WITH US, PEOPLE. We want to make this division worth seeing. Shit, we want our tag division to be SO good that we get butts in seats just to see us.” She made a circular gesture, indicating she meant ‘us’ as a collective, the tag division entire, before dropping her hand back to her side and sighing. “Come on, guys. Cooperate.” The TV champ nodded in agreement. “Last week was the epitome of what the tag team division should be. Two teams. Lutter. Kross. Mike and I still think you’re a poor judge of character. But Kross and you showed just how deep your convictions lie. You are professional wrestling through and through, and NSFW was wrong. Let’s bring about this Renaissance together.” Mike grinned widely, bouncing back on the heels of her bare feet slightly. “Y’know, there’s this country song that goes ‘Lovin’ You Is Fun’. Well, Nos, I gotta say thatFightin’ You Is Fun, and I really hope we get to do it again sometime.” “But that was last week. The new Assistant General Manager has a sense of humor seemingly...” His voice trailed off. He seemed lost in thought or he lost what he was about to say. “And...there are no rules this time.” Mike looked up at him, her brow furrowing in mild concern. She didn’t say anything, but her expression was clearly asking if he was alright. “And... our opponents, no strangers to each other are…complicit…” “They’re a couple of crazy fucks, is what they are. I mean, Church, what do you even make of, as that cranky-ass lazy dickhole Bennet would say, these sons-a-bitches? I mean, I’m pretty sure at least one of them is seriously fuckin’ unhinged.” John looked at her again, this time with an expression Mike had actually not seen in months at least in relation to professional wrestling. “They seem nice.” Holding up a finger, Mike walked over to the phone and turned the camera off for the time being, and turning back to their partner, finally gave voice to their concern. “Bud, are you okay? You haven’t said that in ages and you seem kinda… I dunno. Off? Talk to me. Tell me what’s up.” John took off his shades and looked directly at them. “I don’t know what you mean.” Mike took theirs off as well, looking back at him with a bit of a frown, shaking their head. “That ain’t gonna work, Church. I know you too good by now.” John averted his eyes from her gaze. “Well.” “And when’s the last time you corrected my goddamn grammar? Look. Real fucking talk. We’re supposed to trust each other. If there’s a problem I wanna help, you KNOW that. So. Please. If something’s wrong, would you please tell me? We’ll work it out. We can do anything.” Mike comes closer, reaching out and resting a hand on his arm. They were allowed to do this now (a level of mutual comfort they felt more grateful for than they could say) but they knew it’d get him to focus on them. They looked up, dark green eyes almost pleading with him to be open with them. John sighed. “I’m not like you. Mike. I told you that I’d uphold the integrity of this sport by staying in the bounds of the rules. But I’m not David. I’m not Natalie. But it looks good. It looks like I’m taking a stand.” And he shook his head. He struggled to find his words and Mike lightly squeezed his forearm. “But it’s something you don’t say for public consumption. Because it’s like chum in the water. I’m no righteous defender of the sport. I’m...afraid. Afraid of the mindset it takes to go beyond what has been given to me.” John raised brought up hands, palms facing towards him. “That fear makes me a coward. Unable to act. Confirming the criticisms. Getting in your way. Causing you harm. Last time this came up, I watched you stagger about afterwards unable to tell me what state we were in. That was my inaction. My cowardice.” Mike listened. They may have the reputation of a loudmouth, but whenever John spoke, Mike always gave him their full attention, no matter what else they may be doing. They listened until he was finished. Then they wrapped her arms around him, squeezing and staying there a moment before stepping back. “Don’t ever say that. You are not a coward, John, you hear me? You’re… shit. You’re the most fucking noble, upright person I’ve ever met. Anything that happens to me, don’t blame yourself for that. I get myself in a shitton of trouble on my own. So yeah. You’re not like anybody else. So what? I LIKE that you aren’t like me. I like that you’re like you. And if you don’t want to use weapons? You don’t have to. I’m hardcore enough for both of us.” They gave a slightly wavering little ‘heh’, probably to lighten the mood a bit. “Besides. You’ve bent the rules a little before. In Oakland.” He shuffled his feet in the sand. “I don’t remember such a thing.” His tone was coy. So perhaps a good sign. “You did though. You jumped off the top. It was fuckin’ awesome. I’ll show you later but it was totally sweet.” “Just kind of in the moment. Never did that before.” “You should do that kind of thing more often, y’know, if you feel okay with it. Hell, maybe in this match. You don’t gotta break the rules if you don’t want, but maybe you could do stuff like that. Skirt ‘em a little, you know? And leave the fuckin’ screaming murder shit to me.” John nodded, smiling faintly but earnestly. Mike smiled back, glanced toward the camera and, with a gesture of approval on their partner’s part, resumed recording. “Woo! Sorry about the weird cut there, Faithful, minor tech difficulties.” “Actually I forgot my line.” “We have lines?” She snickered, tucking a windblown strand of hair back under her Mets cap. “Anyway. Our competition this week. Young Sinatra and Anthony Grunge. One would be crooner and one guy crazier than a sack full of rabid goddamn ferrets.” “I don’t think this Sinatra sings at all.” “He don’t? Aw, that sucks, I wanted to hear him do ‘AIn’t That A Kick In The Head.’” “He is however another Messiah.” Mike shook her head, tisking in obvious disappointment. “Now, this is a real fuckin’ shame. See, this Young Sinatra guy ain’t unknown to us. He came into our FighterTalk thread and said how big of a fan he was, and I was like, ‘awww, what a sweet kid!’ Then I heard him talk. And holy fucking christ he’s ANOTHER one of these anti-hardcore crusaders with a God complex. Who probably thinks I’m some kind of abomination unto the holy ring or whatever. Listen up, Lil’ Blue Eyes. I don’t go waving this around cuz believe it or not I got an ounce of humbleness in me about it, but do you know who taught me? Harley Fucking Race, the King himself. And if that ain’t pure enough a pedigree to satisfy your uppity fuckin’ sensibilities, I don’t know what is. So I will do whatever the shit I want in this match and if you got somethin’ to say to me about it? Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut or me an’ my Louisville Slugger’ll shut it for you.” Her grin had gained a somewhat rabid quality. John’s mouth was slightly agape at the outburst, but he felt the truth in this words and quickly stepped in line with a reaffirming nod. “That’s… right. Mike and me had hopes for you. Would you believe that David Scott, of all people, enjoys riding Space Mountain? That guy?” Mike blinked and tried (and failed) to say something a few times, obviously trying not to fall over and roll into the Pacific in a fit of laughter. “What? What did I say?” “Nothing! Nothing, keep going, you’re good.” She held a hand up to her face, barely concealing a ‘Woooo!’ John shook his head and continued. “You and me. We share something in common. In the physical sense. We’re on the outside looking in. However, you’re representing that division in an ironic fashion. I assure you that this match will be anything but make-believe. Leave your moralizing at the curtain. You don’t do what you do because you’re taking a grand stance against depravity. You have no real aspirations to make any changes that benefit anyone but yourself. You want to remake the world in your image. Your opposition is not the Madison brothers. It is not any other‘team’ in our division.” John stepped forward and looked directly in the camera as opposed to his normal past the camera gaze.. “You will stand face to face with the constant of the tag team division. Understand this. What you will say and what you will assume of us will be what we’ve heard since day one. You will try to pick us apart. You will try to drive a wedge in our partnership by playing to simple human nature. If you do that: you don’t get us.” “So. With Snooty No Hardcore Guy addressed, let’s move on, shall we? Anthony Grunge. Now here we got a complete opposite dude. No classy classic piano tickling and smooth crooning here, now we got a raw, smashmouth, in your face cat from right here in L.A., so he’s gonna have a nice hometown advantage going on. Which is very cool. Problem is, like I noted before… this guy is absolutely fucking nuts.” “That unpredictability has perhaps brought him unpredictable results. It would be arrogant of us to be so dismissive of a man who’s proclivities lead him to have discussions with a cactus. This man gives everything no matter the circumstances and I know that he will not be intimidated to the ones he has been given here. Mike. Two months ago we stood before Collateral Damage, an unknown entity, and in their hearts they knew that a team with no experience would never have a chance against them. We cannot make the same mistake that they did.” Mike nodded. She knew better as well. “You’re good, Grunge. And you KNOW you’re good. You showed everybody just how good you fucking were, us included. And y’know what? You may be a crazy SOB, but nobody ever called me the picture’a sanity neither. I like the cut of your jib, dude. You proved to a stuck up purist like Sinatra that you can do it traditional, but now? You’re gonna be in the ring with ME. And I wanna see what you got. Turn up the crazy and bring it hard, cuz I’ve wanted to face someone like you since I fuckin’ got here.” John stood back beside his partner and for a second appearance in a row, he wrapped his arm around Mike’s shoulders. “But despite the non-standard rules of this match, two men who are ideologically opposed will be forced to work together against one team. We are not the tag team champions. We have defeated the tag team champions. And we are not the number one contenders but we don’t haphazardly cost each other matches either.” “They ain’t just ‘ideologically opposed’, bud. They outright fuckin’ HATE each other. And that? That above everything else, the skill and the snootiness and the hardcore and the crazy, is what’s gonna get us the win here. Cuz Church and me? We love each other. We’ve gone up and down the road, done everything together, we train together all the time. We know each other in an’ out, back an’ frontways. Our sync is perfect. I bet he even knows what I’m thinking right now.” She made a show of putting on a ‘hard thinking’ expression. “No electric toothbrush.” “If all goes well, partner. If all goes well.” Mike looked up at the cottage, perhaps at someone just visible through the window, and grins slyly. “So. Grunge, Sinatra, we will see you on Monday. If you don’t kill each other first. As for us? We’ve worked our butts off and now it’s time for some play. Cuz what’s the point of coming all the way to the beach and Not Surfing the Fucking Waves?” Beaming, she yanked a pair of boogie boards out of the sand, handing her partner one. There’s also a third, but it stays put. Waving, she strode over to the phone and ended the recording. Soon as the stuff from their promo was stashed away- the tripod, the sandwich board, the excess of self-branded merch- NSFW was joined by the third person sharing their little beachside cottage for their two weeks in California. Mike found it happily ironic. They had left her at her house on one end of the country only to join her on the other side. It was like a rainbow with a pot of gold at both ends. As the Southern Belle stepped out onto the deck and joined her friends on the sand, Mike couldn’t help but give her an appreciative look over- she looked damn good in a bikini and, as with her ring gear, coral was absolutely Natalie’s color. But she didn’t spend too long ogling: whipping off her tank top to reveal a flesh tone swim top underneath, she grabbed her board and, hollering for her friends to follow, ran into the sea full tilt. It’d been far too long since either Mike or John had seen the ocean, and they were reveling in it. It was Natalie that came back to shore first, dropping her boogie board onto the sand before taking a seat on it. A couple weeks of recovery time had done wonders for her condition, the bruises along her ribs and backs mostly gone. She was still healing, though, and the combination of salt water and sun on her skin felt like it was helping matters. Or maybe that was just the company talking. A short time passed before she’s joined by Mike, who plops her board next to Natalie’s and sits down as well, a smile on her face. The constant breeze smelled fresh and salty, and the sun was beginning to come down, glittering on the ocean. “I’m so freakin’ glad you came, Miss Natalie. You… heh. You look a lot better. Not that you looked bad before or nothin’! Just, y’know. Less banged up. Like you feel better.” Knocking her wet bangs out of her face, she looked over to the other woman with as sweet a smile as the rough brawler could possibly manage. Returning that smile, the blond nodded. “I do feel better, thanks. Don’t tell him I said so, but Mister Morgan was right in that I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks.” That smile turned into a playful sort of grin as Natalie leaned over, nudging Mike’s shoulder with her own. A third boogie board plopped itself beside them. John, soaking wet, disheveled, and short of breath, plopped down as well. “I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.” “Aw, really? I could do that all day. I feel like a mermaid. A badass mermaid with a freakin’ shark tail and awesome tattoos. I’d ask if we could move here if I didn’t like our house so much. And if it wouldn’t put us clear on the other side of the country from you, Miss Nat.” She laughed, curling her toes in the sand. The ocean was starting to take on the pink and orange hues of the sky. “And when he says ‘take it easy’, does he mean, like, no strenuous activity? At all? None?” That smile was getting awfully cheeky… though at least this time, the blond was prepared to fire back. “If he did, do you think I would’ve packed my swimsuit?” “Mmm, point. A’course, if you’re allowed to go swimming and boarding…” That smile only got more coy. John looked past Mike in the middle and right at Natalie. “I don’t think that’s the kind of strenuous activity that they are talking about.” “Well clearly--wait. ‘They’?” Leaning forward a little, the Southern Belle looked at both members of NSFW with a brow raised. “Forgive me, but I’m a little confused. Why did you call Mike ‘they’?” His reply was direct. “Because that is who Mike is, Natalie.” Mike, for her part, froze. Her grip dug into the sides of her board, leaving impressions in the foam. Her heart started pounding, and the pleasantly warm evening suddenly felt ice cold.Oh god. Please don’t let it happen again. I couldn’t handle it if it did. Don’t freak out. Please don’t freak out… “I… understand, I think.” Leaning over, Natalie’s head rested on Mike’s shoulder, a sandy arm looping around the small of their back before she continued. “I mean, if you’ve got your preferences that’s fine… and I’ll do my best to use them. But it doesn’t really matter to me, y’know? So long as you’re you, Mike.” “R...really? You don’t think it’s weird? I mean nobody knows but… but John. I’m. I’m not really a girl, b-but I’m not a guy a’neither…” “You’re Mike.” “And really, wanting to be called ‘they’ is normal compared to the one guy I used to wrestle with that insisted that he was really a giant albino lizard like Godzilla, or the Cult of Yorlik… or, well, most of my time in Hardkore World.” There was a quiet pause for just a moment. And then, Mike laughed. It was not only a response to hearing something funny, but a sound of pure relief. They lean their cheek against Natalie’s wet hair, arm curling around her back in turn. However, their other hand reaches in the other direction, wrapping around her partner’s wrist. The closest they could get to holding his hand. “Hey. Just so you know? You guys are the fucking best.”

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 4x22: “Lucifer Rising”

Beginning like we always do, with “Carry On Wayward Son”.

St. Mary’s Convent. Ilchester, Maryland. 1972.

So this is Azazel...

I feel so bad for these nuns who have no idea what’s going on, and they are terrified.

RIP nuns. That is so awful.

Hello, Sam.

Now Sam can see Dean’s side.

G o d, this breaks my heart.

It’s so sad that even if there were an “after” (which there wouldn’t have been if everything went 100% according to plan) Sam still would have distanced himself from Dean, because he thought he’d never be forgiven and it would’ve been the “best” for Dean. (He could not be any more wrong.)

Sam and Dean appearing on screen the same way.

Hello, Dean.

“I’m not calling him.”

“Don’t make me get my gun, boy.”

I love Bobby.

I believe Bobby’s gonna go on his outburst soon.

:(

Dean losing the will to save Sam.

Let the outburst begin:

“You sound like a whiny brat. No, you sound like your dad. Well, let me tell you something. Your dad was a coward.”

“My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward?”

“He’d rather push Sam away than reach out to him. Well, that don’t strike me as brave. You are a better man than your daddy ever was. So you do us both a favor. Don’t be him.”

IIIII FUCKING LOOOOVVVEEE BOBBY SINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here we go. Dean’s in the Green Room

Hello, Cas!

(Who looks like he doesn’t want to be there...)

HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THIS NURSE taking the baby to somewhere besides where it was supposed to be???

Dean’s favorite food and beer.

“The suite life of Zach and Cas.” lmao, Dean.

(Those paintings are beautiful.)

“We want you...focused, relaxed.”

“Well, I’m about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking Chuckles.” (That’s a great line! How come i never noticed that before?)

Cas is just internally screaming at this point. Hell, he’s been internally screaming non-stop since “the Rapture”.

Sammy, our new hot shot interrogator.

I am still so UPSET that Sam never got to hear the REAL voicemail. Fucking Zachariah was behind it, I’m sure. (After episode thought: apparently, Eric Kripke refused to reveal if it was Zachariah OR RUBY WHO MANIPULATED THE VOICEMAIL??? Holy shit, that would explain the smirk she gives when Sam finally listens to it, r i g h t before they enter the Convent. It did seem like convenient timing...)

“Hey, it’s me. Uh...Look, I’ll get right to it. I’m still pissed...and I owe you a serious beatdown, but I shouldn’t have said what I said. You know, I’m not Dad. We’re brothers. You know, we’re family. And uh, no matter how bad it gets, that doesn’t change. Sammy, I’m sorry.” 

(Should’ve done that earlierrrrr.)

The one thing I got in common with Lilith’s head chef is that we both think Ruby’s a bitch.

“Can’t trust anyone these days.” Especially yoouuuuu.

Well damn. That is such a dirty card to play.

Poor Sam. I bet nothing scared him more/allowed him to see how extremely fucked up the whole situation was than that moment.

Back to 1972.

Lucifer possessing a nun. Nothing creeps me out more.

The very origin of...everything.

Nice “surprised” reaction, Ruby.

My stomach is in an actual knots knowing that they drained an innocent woman of her blood just because Sam needed all of it to defeat Lilith.

(Also, why couldn’t Sam just overrule Ruby and kill the demon anyway, forcing her to find another one? God, Sam, you’re in it so deep.)

Dean, you child.

The fucking intensity between Dean and Cas...

It’s kinda...striking how Ruby seemed to almost slip into the role of Dean sometimes, with the ill-timed jokes she’s been making. And Sam’s responses to her remind me of how it used to be between them in S3 when he flat out hated her and resented needing her help, as opposed to when he began to trust her and earnestly defended her against everyone. He snaps at her, and is done with her. Hell, what did Sam even plan to do with Ruby once they “stopped” Lilith?

“I’m starting to think...maybe Dean was right.” HE IISSSS SAM. 

(And Ruby is internally screaming at the fact that she’s ALMOST THERE and the one person she needs to accomplish this has one foot out the door.)

I can’t wait for Dean to kill Zachariah.

Half the truth tumbles out. They’re going to allow Lilith to break the final seal.

That shot of Zachariah is so freaking cool.

G O D I love how the lighting changes as the (half) truth comes out. From the beautiful, glowing light to “fluorescent lighting in your old high school that makes you look like you aged 20 years.” It’s ugly, just like the (half) truth being revealed.

Even the paintings change!

(So at this point, was the Apocalypse AU about to go to shit?)

“Sam...has a part to play. A very important part. He may need a little nudging in the right direction, but I’ll make sure he plays it.” FUCK YOU, YOU BALDING BITCH.

“pertinent details” my ASS.

“You’re going to stop Lucifer.” One of the few times Zachariah is right, whether I like it or not.

“One day we’ll look back on this and laugh.” ...I guess now we can.

“God? God has left the building.” There’s such an emptiness in Zachariah's eyes when he says that. 

Completely irrelevant, but Lilith’s dress is really pretty.

This is one of my all time favorite Dean/Cas scenes, and one of the most important scenes in the entire series, you can fight me about it.

“He’s gonna do it to himself.” Cas is unfortunately correct

“We’ve been through much together, you and I, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry it ended like this.”

lmao, RIP Dean’s hand.

“What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace. Even with Sam.” god Cassss.

The way Dean gets Cas to look at him. Fuck me up.

(x)

OOOHHH THAT GRAB.

Cas fighting his internal battle.

“If there is anything worth dying for...this is it.”

DEAN PLS, HE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO END UP THE NEXT LUCIFER BC HE’S BEEN TOLD ALL HIS LIFE THAT THINKING INDEPENDENTLY IS BAD AND LEADS TO FALLING WHICH IS THE WORST THING AN ANGEL CAN DO 

P L E A S E.

OH GOD NOOOO, NOT THE MANIPULATED VOICE MAIL.

“Listen to me, you blood sucking freak. Dad always said I’d either have to save you or kill you. Well, I”m giving you fair warning. I’m done trying to save you. You’re a monster Sam, a vampire. You’re not you anymore. And there’s no going back.”

So Ruby heard that?? Because she’s smirking like she did, and she’s damn pleased with that final little strand finally being cut.

RIP Cindy the nurse.

OOHHH MY OTHER FAVORITE DEAN/CAS SCENE IN THE EPISODE/OF THE SERIES.

Dean almost committed a Persephone move there.

Oh shit wait, CAS had the knife??? I thought Dean would’ve picked it up after the fight with Sam...unless he did, and when the angels took him to the Green Room, they took the knife from him...but why not take the phone? Fuck, I’m overthinking.

THAT SILENT CONVERSATION THOOOOOO. 

THAT SLIGHT TOUCH WHEN CAS GIVES DEAN THE KNIFE BAACCCKK

“Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins.” THE FULL TRUTH COMES OUT, THANK YOU CAS.

Hello, Chuck.

“This isn’t supposed to happen.” DEAN AND CAS TEARING UP THE SCRIPT PART 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, BITCHES

RIP those demons.

THEM HEART EYES.

(x)

Lmao, I love how Chuck is more annoyed at the archangels coming than scared.

“It’s the Archangel! I’ll hold him off, I’ll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!” Cas’ final words. #1

I don’t care what canon says, Cas is Chuck’s favorite angel.

Cas couldn’t have zapped Dean directly in the room???

Dean HAD TO STOP to give Ruby the stink eye?????

I know what’s about to happen, and I’m still hoping that it’s not going to happen like it’s my first time watching.

Sam goes to scary af killer to lost, confused little boy once he hears Dean.

“You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you’re not gonna bite? I’m sorry, but that is honestly adorable.” Lilith’s last words. Making sure Sam broke the final seal.

Sam let’s his emotions get the best of him, an unfortunate conclusion.

RIP Lilith.

“And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal.”

G O D that moment when Sam realizes what he just did. It’s so despairing.

“You don’t even know how hard this was! All those demons our for my head. No one knew. I was the best of those sons of bitches! The most loyal! Not even Alastair knew! Only Lilith! Yeah, I’m sure you’re a little angry right now, but I mean, come on, Sam! Even you have to admit, I’m- I’m awesome!”

I fucking hate Ruby with all that I have...but she is one of the best antagonists this show ever had. She kept quiet about her plans the entire time and waited until they were complete to brag about it in one of the best villain speeches I’ve ever heard. She is awesome, in her own twisted fucked up way, and for that...I kinda love her.

Well damn it, Sam.

AND SHE’S STILL CALLING HIM SAMMY.

Ruby earnestly fell in love with Sam. Like, I’m sure she was already planning their future together, where Sam is possessed by Lucifer and she got to be his right hand...woman. Demon. But she like, LOVED him in a disgusting toxic way, stroking his face and assuring him that he was gonna be ok. I think she was seconds away from telling him that they’d be “happy together.”

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, at least when Cas was lying to Dean about how everything was going to be okay, even if the Apocalypse was going to be allowed, he told Dean that it’d be him and Sam. Ruby completely cuts off Dean from her little “it’s going to be alright” speech.

Dean finally breaks in. 

“You’re too late.” Ruby’s final words.

She is completely  feeling herself in this moment, confidently strolling up to Dean like that. Was she going to kill him? Did she not see her own knife in his hands?

I love everything about how Ruby dies: the fact that Sam, who is desperate to do at least one thing right, grabs her to make sure she doesn’t escape. The look of confusion on Ruby’s face, because she genuinely can’t believe that Sam is doing this to her, after everything they’ve done together. And while she’s trying to get a hold on the situation, Dean not only stabs her WITH HER OWN KNIFE but also TWISTS IT. I believe there is a moment where Ruby seems to realize that she is dying and Dean Winchester is the one who kills her, while her “lover” is holding her down, and she’s worked so hard to free Lucifer...and she won’t even be around to claim her prize. It’s so wonderful; I can’t really think of a way to make it better.

RIP Ruby. Ding dong, the bitch is dead.

Y’know, when I did my SPN Rewatch last year, I made note of all the time Cas and Ruby paralleled each other (because I considered them to be different sides to the same coin) and one parallel I’m noticing just now is that both of them achieved something they’ve been working hard at (Ruby: freeing Lucifer, Cas: telling Dean the truth/getting Dean to Sam) and they both died as soon as it was achieved.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sammy, let’s go.”

“Dean...he’s coming.”

SUCH A PHENOMENAL ENDING. I remember screaming “NOOOOO” at the laptop, then immediately hitting “Play next episode” when I first saw this. 

This is still one of the best season finales of the entire show. Top 3, for sure.