#the core of this thing is mean to be more character focused on the crew but i do want them to go on this big quest and engage with all that

[waywardsalt]

i really need to figure out what the main overarching plot of post-ph is. i had some ideas in the past but they no longer fit with never ideas, and god once i get the main plot down i can start figuring out everything around it

[izzyhandslightofmylife]

Official statement on why Izzy's death affected me so much

Our Flag Means Death, is, at it’s core, is a show that focuses on queer joy- a form of therapy for those that have been raised on queerbaiting, shipping minor side characters, or watching, when nothing else is available, queer tragedies. You know how it goes- the two main characters, both male, have chemistry. They say things to each other that seem weirdly like declarations of love. They look at each other with love in their eyes. You see these things and the main man gets married off to a badly written, unfinished female character and is left feeling empty. The best friend dies for the main character to live. When everyone talks about how cute the main couple are, you want to scream all of a sudden, because nobody can see this love story play out except you. It’s queer, it’s tragic, and nobody else can understand it. 

Not Our Flag Means Death. From the moment it aired, it was praised as a show with unabashed queer joy, which means more than I can possibly say. The two main male characters meet, they have chemistry, and they fall in love. It’s not implied, or hinted at, but blatantly obvious. Their romances and the queer romances around them attracted so many queer fans who felt that after so many years, this type of show was a vindication for what they had been through with other media. 

In this show, piracy itself was that of a found family. Though Stede Bonnet and the crew of the Revenge start off with many differences, the core of the show centers around a theme that many queer audiences are attracted to: found family. The Revenge was depicted as a safe space, where everyone could express themselves freely, a refuge from a world of judgment. Queerness was not only accepted but normalized on The Revenge. No homophobia, no coming out, no typical complications of queer romance. Just love and safety. Warmth, which was Ed Teach wished for in purgatory. Which was what he found on the Revenge. The ship was a safe space that so many queer audiences had dreamed of. 

Well, a safe space except for one person: Izzy Hands, Blackbeard’s First Mate, who was a man painfully stuck in the wrong genre. This is the general consensus by both fans and the cast: Izzy, Edward and their crew had been in a gritty action movie, whereas Stede and his crew were in a muppet movie of sorts. While the majority of Blackbeard’s crew quickly acclimates to and celebrates the change, Izzy doesn’t. 

And right away, many fans felt a deep attraction to Izzy. The reason that Izzy couldn’t get Edward to love him was because, in the end, the only way that Izzy knew how to love was through blood. To give and receive pain in an action movie is one of the greatest forms of love, but Izzy fails to realize that Ed is not in an action movie anymore. He is happy with this stability, and the reason that so many people felt Izzy’s presence so was strongly was that he wasn’t. 

So many queer people are, in a way, addicted to tragedy. Tragedy is all that is represented in queer media for the most part, or was until very recently. Take Achilles and Patroclus, one of the most celebrated and recognized queer love stories of both ancient and modern times. Why that one? There are other greek love stories, many of them queer. The tragedy of it- Patroclus’ death and Achilles’ rage- made it all the more appealing. Many in the audience of Our Flag Means Death were not comedy fans, they were horror or drama fans, attracted to a comedy because of the love story. But Izzy, to them, was a physical representation of who they were, carrying an awareness of homophobia, of blood and pain that so many queer relationships had previously been illustrated by (i.e. Hannibal). Though Ed may not have understand this type of affection, the audience did- Izzy’s Otherness from the crew despite it’s safety, his expressions of love and his unrequited love story were all things that the audience were familiar with feeling. 

If Ed and Stede were good queer representation, Ed and Izzy, for example, were a foil of that. They were evil, messed up, and fed into the worst parts of each other because it brought them closer. This is a theme present in a lot of queer media, and by extension, queer lives: “if you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand”, is an excerpt classic queer poem about unrequited love that fits the situation. The very reason Izzy stuck in people’s heads because he was of a different genre. His grittiness and bitterness made sense to the audience. They saw Izzy and saw what was familiar. He was exquisitely written, simultaneously making even casual audiences both hate him, and against all odds, find him oddly endearing. The idea of this man sacrificing every inch of himself for an unrequited love was a concept of tragedy, leaking into a comedic show. 

So fans projected onto Izzy. He was a catalyst for the heartache, for the audience’s sheer inability to have a happy show. For one reason or another, some of the audience simply couldn’t live with a show that was all fantastical, which I theorize is because they couldn’t see themselves in it. So Izzy became the epitome of queer suffering: pining longingly after another man that couldn’t understand him. This projection of suffering, however, led to a new wish: happiness for Izzy. If Izzy in Season 1 was a tragedy, assimilating him into the found family in Season 2 would have elevated the safe sense of the ship all the more. It would have proved to so many of these Izzy Fans that yes, even though you view yourself as unloveable, even though you see yourself as Israel Hands, Villain, even he can be loved too. Why can’t you be? 

And Season 2, for the most part, delivered beyond our wildest dreams. Izzy had people who cared about him. And though the genre shifted into the darker, Izzy himself shifted slightly to the comedic side as well. His life, which had been centered for so long around a man that didn’t reciprocate his feelings, was gone. He started a new life, and this life, again, focused on queer joy. The queer joy from Season 1 was suddenly for everyone, even those like Izzy that couldn’t have understood it. He sang, he whittled, he talked about feelings, he dressed in drag. Many elder queer fans also saw Izzy as another metaphor, too: that queer joy can be attained overtime. You don’t have to have had it the whole time, but you can accept yourself even when you are older. The message of Izzy was one of resilience and stubbornness, one that the queer community needed to hear: that you don’t have to be like this, you don’t have to create pain for yourself. You don’t need to watch tragedies all the time. You, too, can heal from the past.

And then, the season finale happened. By this point, many argued that Izzy had stolen the show. Con O’Neil’s acting mixed with his general arc of self acceptance had made him a fan favorite. In the last episode, it is Izzy himself who sums it up perfectly, accepting that he belongs somewhere despite his pain and flaws. Despite the darkness within him, he was still accepted and loved. He says it right to the face of Prince Ricky, who thinks himself above it all. That piracy, a metaphor for otherness, wasn’t actually about being alone; it was about finding others that understood you when nobody else could. 

Listen, this show is known for it’s nonsensicality. In the finale of Season 1, Lucius is thrown overboard by Ed and survives by simply swimming to another ship. Stede reunites with his crew by sailing a rowboat. Buttons turns into a seagull. Stede stabs Ed for a comedic bit. Earlier in the season, Izzy himself gets shot and survives. This queer joy show was celebrated for being, well, joyful. Even when things like getting thrown overboard did happen, they were, ultimately, a blip in the character’s journey towards acceptance, healing, etc, which was what made the show unique. Our Flag Means Death, whose audience had been living for years off of the “Bury your gays” trope, was adored because it illustrated a world where things didn’t have to be that way. A place where the impossible, such as Izzy Hands being loved, could happen. This show was one of survival. 

But not for the one person that was seen to struggle with this concept the most. Not for the one person that was a metaphor for belonging in this place, who became, over the course of a season, the embodiment of the message itself. Not for the Unicorn, the very symbol of this magical, nonsensical ship. Not for the most stubborn, most indestructible, most enduring (queer) person in the show. Not for Izzy Hands. 

This trope, honestly, was one that many have seen before, both in mainstream and queer media. A character, previously shown to be a villain or else to have gone through a lot of pain, is shown to heal, to get better, and then to die in order to “complete their arc”. This trope is common: Loki, Cas. even Ted Lasso, who doesn’t die but goes back to the very place that broke him in the first place. But the reason that Izzy’s death, while it might have been expected in another show, felt like a betrayal in this one is because it was known for subverting those tropes. From the “Bury Your Gays” to the “Up For Interpretation”, it was known to look those tropes in the eyes and say “fuck you, these people deserve to be happy”. And this did happen! Except for the one character who’s healing journey was one of the most relatable, at least to queer audiences. 

What also made it so jarring was that all the other characters got to be happy, except for the one that had struggled with the idea of happiness the most. In the scene immediately after Izzy is buried, Lucius and Pete get married. In the scene after, a montage of queer joy and found family is shown amongst the whole crew. In the final scene, Ed and Stede, our main queer couple, are shown healing themselves and starting a new life together. The last shot, however, showed Izzy’s grave, visited by Buttons the seagull while Ed and Stede had dinner. A tragedy in it’s finest. It wouldn’t have been difficult for Izzy to live. Because, in the end, his death meant nothing. His healing meant nothing. He died and was moved on from in a matter of seconds. He was, as I mentioned, the catalyst for tragedy, more specifically, queer tragedy. But because of this, of his genre, Izzy didn’t get to live. He had to die in order for the rest of the characters to keep living in this fantasy world. This death was, in a way, a preservation of these other love stories.

I maintain, however, that it would have meant more if Izzy had lived. If he had been  able to show to us that yes, despite what you have been through, despite what you may have inflicted upon yourself, you can switch genres. It’s possible. Izzy’s survival up until that point had been a profound testament to many that it is possible to heal, that queerness does not have to mean sadness. It would have continued to be a testament to that if only Izzy had lived. And so, this pirate that we latched onto, not in spite of his darkness but because of it, was buried on land on the side of the road. 

As a side note, many previous incidences in the story point to the idea even though Ed and Stede will definitely stay together, it’s uncertain if the inn would have worked out. It’s likely that, being a whim, those two might have chosen to move, or go back to the sea, or sail to China. If this is true, they would have left Izzy’s grave by itself, like a family pet buried in the yard. If this is true, Izzy Hands, a metaphor for belonging, would rot alone. 

Long live the tragedy addicts. Long live the Richard Siken poems. Long live Izzy Hands. 

*When I talk about the "fandom" I am referring to the canyon.

[mdhwrites]

I’ve been watching Amphibia while studying. I should definitely do a rewatch during the summer, but it’s occurred to me that Amphibia’s strengths are criminally underrated.

Amphibia feels like a more focused show than TOH. It has its flaws ofc especially in Season 3, but Amphibia’s cast comes across as a lot more developed than TOH’s cast. I mean, Andrias got a dedicated flashback episode and Belos didn’t???

Amphibia’s execution of the found family trope is one of the best things I’ve seen in animation. In contrast, I always felt that King, Lilith, Eda, and the Hexside crew are plot devices to get Luz where she needs to go. Eda has some depth but generally speaking TOH never “got into their heads,” unlike with the Plantars, Sasha, Marcy, Grime, and Andrias.

And I gotta praise Amphibia’s ending!!! I wish more kids cartoons embraced the idea of permanent, bittersweet change. The idea of letting things go but not forgetting them.

So while I agree Amphibia is more focused, I actually don't think that's what the bigger difference is between TOH and Amphibia that I think needs to be highlighted. No, instead, I'm interrogate something you said: Does Belos not get a dedicated backstory episode? For that matter... Does he potentially get MORE time spent on backstory than Andrias?

Andrias literally only gets The Core and the King. He actually gets VERY little screentime, mostly because the effects of his cruelty are more important than what he does himself. So for backstory, he gets 11 minutes. MAYBE you could stretch to like 12 or 13 if you want to include hints to Lief but that's all post her time with him. So 11 minutes because Andrias only gets one segment, not two.

What does Belos get?

Well... I think everyone just forgets about Elsewhere Elsewhen. That IS backstory. That is previous characterization. It's not a flashback but it is still interacting with a Belos earlier in the timeline, like a backstory exposition dump or a flashback does. And interacting with Philip is the main purpose of the A plot of the episode, even if it takes a bit to get to him and then he dips out before the end.

As the author of the journal though, he also counts for backstory whenever passages of the journal are told to us. It's unreliable but it is still previous characterization. So stuff like Eclipse Lake and the end of Looking Glass Ruins adds a little here and there.

Then of course... What the fuck do you call Hollow Mind if not a dedicated backstory episode to Belos? The majority of the run time is literally go through his brain, and his memories, to show his rise to power. His backstory. And while there is technically a B plot, it doesn't take up much time so probably at least a third of the episode is spent on this and these are 22 minute episodes. If just two thirds get spent on backstory, that's more than Andrias gets.

So why doesn't it feel like that? Why does it feel like we get a VERY complete version of Andrias' backstory, despite seeing cumulatively three days in a row of his life, while it feels like we were never told Belos'?

Efficiency. Amphibia is a VERY efficient work. It crams a LOT into its run times. It's part of why the episodes are so satisfying because they actually manage to tell complete stories with morals, sometimes their own A and B plots in an 11 minute segment and actually move the characters forward a full step within the span of that time. It does this while also being hilarious and action packed, much more than TOH or, honestly, a lot of cartoons. Not every episode segment counts for this but ESPECIALLY the important ones do and The Core and the King should be taught in classes for how to get across a character's motivations and backstory in a nuanced, breezy way while also being DENSE. AS. FUCK.

In eleven minutes, we get a clear idea of the utopia that Andrias used to live in, the cost of that utopia, the pressures upon him as a prince, how deep his relationships are with two other characters, Lief gets some genuinely good characterization that helps explain her choice, a logical progression of events that matches with the sillier side of Andrias we know of, an escalation and then a climax. We can VERY clearly see what Andrias lost, what he is trying to get back, and why he would want it back on multiple levels, both societal, familial and even personal, that will motivate into being a MONSTER for a thousand years. All while still being a lot of fun and having some really great jokes. It introduces so many elements but it never feels bogged down by any of this. Instead, it chose the PERFECT moment to get across everything it needed to and left very few questions that you as an audience couldn't figure out yourselves. This also all while being explicit about much of the motivation and what not instead of relying on background details.

Which TOH can't claim for Belos. In Elsewhere Elsewhen, we see that Philip hates witches, that his journal is unreliable and that he has ALWAYS been an asshole and a manipulator. That's befitting who he will be but doesn't actually tell us jack shit. It also includes I guess how he met the Collector but that's moving plot, not expanding on your villain. Because the journal is unreliable, it tells us very little to nothing about him except for some reason he donated his journal to the people he fucking despised. Then Hollow Mind shows how he came to power... But not who he is. Not his motivation, what he actually wants to accomplish besides murder, etc. like that. The paintings in the background tell you far more just by being far more suggestive of what he's been through.

TOH is fucking awful when it comes to density. Most episodes, not even just Belos, have the problem of only taking half steps. Each of Belos' parts are those half steps. Revealing only one or two elements when it easily could have shown more to be more satisfying. As an example: Amphibia has a GREAT episode between Ivy and her mom about rebellion, the consequences of fighting what your parent wants for you, why they might do the things they do, etc. like that. In 11 minutes, we get a genuinely complex relationship between Ivy and her mom who haven't had much talk about each other or their relationship up until now. Meanwhile, TOH decides to focus on Luz being expelled for the episode about Amity and Odalia, meaning Amity is in like... Three, maybe five minutes of that episode? A full minute of that being the intro to the episode where she's just showing off the abomaton?

Because it isn't actually focused on Amity, the relationship between Amity and Odalia isn't actually explored. Because they can't explore that, they also need to now make Odalia cartoonishly villainous so as to fit the fact that Luz also spends very little time with her due to making the conflict be about Hexside so we have to waste some time with a stock standard montage of Luz, Willow and Gus trying to get back in. And by the end, what is the resolution between Amity and Odalia? "Get in my way again and I will kick your fucking ass."

Much deep. Very brave.

There's TONS of stuff like this where Amphibia is genuinely the work trying to do more interesting, more meaningful and deeper things than TOH and managing to do it in literally half the time. If not even less. That breakneck pace is part of what makes Amphibia feel like a kids show but it's also what makes it just more enjoyable to watch.

Which actually makes TOH fit in better with our current era of streaming television. TOH is constantly baiting you for the payoffs it promises. It keeps swearing that its elements are deeper than they appear so make sure to tune in next week because this SURELY can't be all there is to, right?

Unfortunately, that is all there is to it. And once you realize that and look at the show with that sort of lens, it starts falling apart. It's part of why TOH should be thankful it was shortened. It lets people more easily claim that it just needed another season. Another fourteen episodes. That TOTALLY would have solved all the problems with episodes that happened even before the shortening.

That is extremely rarely how this works everyone. Sorry.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[beanghostprincess]

Saw somebody once saying that people's arguments to say Nami is a lesbian are always about her negative traits and focusing on her not liking men and... Why do we have to have any arguments when it comes to a sexuality headcanon? Why can't I just say that she doesn't like men, and that's all? But even if you needed arguments, "not liking men" isn't a bad trait or something negative at all. She just is uninterested in them, imo, both romantically and sexually, and that's quite literally the definition of being a lesbian. Yes, obviously we can focus on her appreciation of other female characters and how the way she reacts around them is way different from how she reacts with the men of the show, but saying "she likes women" isn't an argument to prove she's a lesbian because bisexual girls exist. Or really, just any other sexuality regarding women. It's beautiful to focus on her love for girls, but if we're looking for arguments here, I think the best one of all is saying that she doesn't like men. And that isn't a bad thing at all and it is quite literally the only argument you need for your headcanon to work. And yes, I do agree that a lot of people use negative traits of her to call her a lesbian (a "mean lesbian". A term that I personally despise. When it's a joke about a character who's actually mean it's okay and funny, but lesbians are already demonized enough, and Nami isn't even mean. People just hate that she has a personality and stands up for herself) but I've never seen somebody say "she's a lesbian because she's mean". I just see people saying she's a lesbian because she doesn't like men, and, again, that's not bad as long as you don't stereotype her and say she hates men and put her in a little box of "being the mature one" because she's a lot of the time as silly and careless as the men of the crew. Not liking men is not a negative trait. It's literally just being a lesbian. Like we could talk for hours about her relationship with women and womanhood in the show, how her character behaves around them, and the way they portray her. Because yes, I don't know if I'd say she's queercoded but she definitely is way more fond of girls than she is of men and her relationships with them seem way more genuine and organic than the one she has with men. But... Again, the core point of all of this is that she doesn't like men. Easy as that.

[altocat]

Do you just talk about Sephiroth?

Sephiroth is my favorite of the lot. But he is by no means the sole focus of this blog. I'd be very happy to talk about the other characters as well, whether that's Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Barret, etc. I just don't get asked much about them that often, or about my feelings on certain ships or dynamics relating to them.

Tbh the Sephiroth focus, for me, sort of the thing that helps the blog stand out. So many people dedicate a lot of love and attention to the main crew so I figured why not branch out and explore a different area of the fanbase? You got the Crisis Core trio, you got Lazard and Hojo and Jenova and all the drama going on with First Soldier. You got the wider lore in Shinra before the official story starts. You got the Jenova Project. Lots of really cool, interesting, mostly untouched areas that the fanbase typically ignores in favor of main story/shipping/etc. And hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Like I said, I'd love to answer questions on that as well. But I like that this blog sorta has its own space on the FF7 timeline, focusing on a more niche area of history and characterization. You'll find that Sane!Sephiroth takes center stage far more than the Sephiroth we know to be a villain. And if I can get people to appreciate him more for it, then cool!

...But Cloud is also like my second favorite character in the series so you guys can ask me about Cloud and company as much as you want lmao go right ahead.

[zemantler]

Hey Mac! I just saw the new video you made about episode 4 and 5 of Our Flag Means Death and wanted to share with you a perspective I thought might be interesting to you.

(p.s sorry its so long and wordy! I tried to condense my thoughts as much as possible😅)

I read an article recently by Screen Rant (https://screenrant.com/our-flag-means-death-season-3-release-date-cast-story-everything-we-know/) which says that our boy David Jenkins himself mentioned that if the show gets renewed for a third season then season 3 would be the final. He apparently also said that he has the entirety of the show beginning to end already mapped out, and this information kind of changed everything for me in terms of how I view the show and the way it is being created.

Shows that go for 5 to 10 seasons (roughly) are shows MADE for streaming, that being said their formula is usually to follow a storyline that can be started and ended every season and it's the characters that keep us coming back. OFMD isn't like that, I think the key is to think of it more like a long movie. and what we know about movies, or just classic storytelling in general (literally one of the first things you learn in elementary or middle school) is that a story has a beginning, a middle and an end. If you think about the seasons of the show like this-season 1 beginning, season 2 middle, and season 3 end-it kinda makes all the pacing issues and the ‘Ed problem’ make sense (or just seem more intentional-again David says he has this all planned out) and you can follow the trajectory of the show actually pretty clearly from there. Take for instance season 1, you said it yourself it's like season 1 (baring the last two episodes) is like setting up the story (love story) with rose coloured glasses on. That being said the show also lines up with a rough outline of what your classic hero's journey looks like-call to adventure (the opening of Stede and the crew in ep01s01 and the flashbacks of Stede and Mary's unhappy marriage), meeting with the mentor (Ed-who is also the love interest-and the whole 'teach me how to pirate i'll teach you how to etiquette' deal). You can think of the last two episodes of season 1 as like the crossing of the threshold (aka glasses come off) cause not only does Stede realize he wants to be a pirate indefinitely and leave Barbados for good, but also because season 2 opens with the next part of the hero's journey which is meeting new enemies and allies (Zheng Yi Sao, Archie, Richard Banes,etc.(Does Izzy count as a new ally?)). 

Again, it's all very classic in format, but usually just not how tv shows made for streaming choose to operate-cause most of the time network execs are literally just trying to make the most money by keeping a concept going probably longer than they should-but I digress. Also again, if you factor in the part where season 3 would be the last season it's not unusual at all.That being said I think the reason they decided to have the crews trauma and ESPECIALLY Eds issues only start being addressed in the 5th episode is because they are hoping to have this be one of the plot points that drifts its way into season three and subsequently have resolution occur at that time as well, instead of forcing hollow resolution in the final three episodes of s02 and then have nothing to work with in season 3-this is another point that Screen Rant made in their article.

Using the three acts/hero's journey formula, we can start making really rough guesses as to how season three might pan out and given the circumstances of season 2, it kind of feels more right to me. Not to mention our dude Taika is the guy who wrote the initial screenplay of Moana which focused more on family than the screenplay which actually got made into the Disney film, so I can't imagine him and David of all people just glossing over all of the emotional reconciling parts of the core relationships. Anyways I thought this was interesting to think about and might also help in easing the nerves over the last 3 episodes of this season, again there is always the possibility this might not be true, or work out this way, but I thought it clicked too perfectly in my own head just to not talk about it. Like seriously the hunch is hunching right now!

Anyways Mac, loved the video and hope you have a great night! 😊

Hi!! First of all, thank you, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Hope you'll have a good day too. Wow thats a lot of text, sorry if I misunderstood something.

While I understand what you mean, series dont really work like that. There are lots of "series like long movies" -plot based, not too stretched out, character dynamic focused, few series long, etc. For example, Good Omens, Sherlock, Hannibal (i think, never seen it) and more...

Movies start plotline in the beginning and have to resolve them in the end. BUT that doesnt mean there cant be a cliffhanger at the end, to help a sequel continue the story. And thats how (good) movie franchises are born- multiple movies are made to elaborate on the first original story, because there simply wasnt enough time to tell it in its entirety in one movie.

Series like ofmd go hannibal etc.. Were made to be series, because they couldnt possibly fit the entire story in a movie format. But when you make the decision to make a series, you also have to comply to the series format. So if its not a limited series, it will probably have multiple seasons, overall theme and will start a plot in first season that will to some extent, continue until the last one, while at the same time having multiple sub plots that will end with each season. They have to end at the end of the season, otherwise the overall season experience wont be satisfying. You watched all that and for what? Just to wait another year to actually see anything happen?

Now i can finally explain what I meant by all this :D OFMD in its entirety cant be like a movie, for its a series. They are formatted differently. If we wanted to compare it to a film, then the only way to do so is to make each season a new movie in a franchise. Each season has to have a satisfying experience on its own while ending in a way that leaves stuff that the next season can work with.

You cant make a bad season and then try to excuse it with "Its only a filler between act one and three" because while that would be excusable in movie, it's not really in series. because then youre just left with a second season that feels unfinished and rushed.

But even story wise, it just doesnt make sense to start redemption arc of the protagonist in act 2, get him together with the love interest and then actually redeem him in act 3. Its weird idk

I'm not saying that this season is bad when it hasnt dropped in its entirety yet tho. Dont quote me on that. I love ofmd and i really am enjoying this season. It just has more flaws than the first one.

Sorry that i rambled a bit and also sorry if it doesnt make sense. Im in school rn its hard to write something sensible while trying to pay attention to geometry or whatever we're doing

[the-xp-budget]

Goblins - Part 2 (Pyro)

Through the smell of old books and wisdom kept preserved for ages upon ages, you catch the scent of something else. Burning. Something is on fire.

Smoke erupts from a nearby shelf, and as you duck behind cover, someone steps through the fumes. Grey-green complexion, pointed ears, this is a Gobin.

His eyes are glued to a single mote of flame that dances around on his palm, but then you see him look around, registering an unfamiliar presence and searching for you. His mouth twists into a snarl, and that fire in his hand begins to grow and lash out. It’s hungry.

Roll initiative.

Goblin Pyro

The air in the temple suddenly grows hot, too hot to bear. You duck under a blast of flame and turn around to see what appears to be a Goblin emerging from behind a statue. You see a heavy woollen cloak over a suit complete with a bright orange cravat that matches a sash over his shoulder. The left sleeve of his jacket is missing, showing off an arm that doesn’t match the rest of his body, apparently made from polished obsidian refined into an appendage that terminates in three, clawlike fingers. You see the arm begin to glow as he prepares to hurl more fire towards you.

In my previous post, I talked about Goblins more generally, and a lot of that information still stands with this entry into the crew. Goblin Scuttle can still be used for defence and for repositioning, for example.

In that post, I focused on the martial Goblins, meaning that our spellcasting friends had their own post to themselves. I did plan on covering both in this post, but this post got long with the two of them, so here’s the Pyro. Here’s the general information.

Generally speaking, spellcasters are more vulnerable than martials, since they have a higher damage output on average. The Pyro fits this, although with an Armour Class of 16 in comparison to the expected 15, it doesn’t appear to yet.

The devil is in the Hit Points. The average for a creature of level 1 is 20, but the Pyro only has 15, so he’s not going to stick around and tempt fate. He’ll deal lots of damage then skiddadle when things look rough.

However, here is the important kicker for running spellcasters in PF2e: You don’t have to cast all of your spells. Fights in this system go quickly (a little too quickly for some people), and that means that certain abilities aren’t going to get used. This is fine, everything has a time and place, that’s why this blog exists.

You are playing to have fun, not to win. This blog exists to challenge players, not turn them off the game. The creatures aren’t the main characters, the PCs are.

For the sake of argument, lets quickly go over the Pyro’s melee option. It’s a torch, with a +7 to hit and a damage output of 1d4 +1. If we apply the strategy of “move to a target and hit it twice”, we end up with this:

Two Attacks: 0.5 * 3.5 + 0.15 * 7 + 0.35 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 7 = 4.38

A reminder that the Warrior, a creature two levels lower than our Pyro friend, had a damage output with this strategy of 5.08, and that doesn’t take into account flanking, which makes the Torch look even worse by comparison. This is a last resort item when the Goblin can’t escape or cast spells, and his enemies won’t accept surrender.

The Goblin grimaces and looks down at the almost burned-out torch still in his grasp. He gives a resigned sigh, and begins to flail wildly, leaving a trail of embers with every swing.

To better illustrate how rubbish of an option this is, I made a graphing system. Essentially, I need a graph with three points on it. The minimum damage, the maximum, and the average against a creature of the same level.

This is fairly simple, but it doesn’t mean anything on its own. To form a baseline, I look to the creature standardisation tables in the GM core.

The average attack bonus for a level 1 creature is +7, and the average strike damage is 1d6 +2. As such, the equation and graph for for that looks like this.

Generic Strike: 0.5 * 5.5 + 0.15 * 11 = 4.4

Now do you see what I mean? The Pyro’s physical weaponry isn’t a viable option, so let’s look at spells instead.

Our Pyro has a spell attack modifier of +6, and a save DC of 16, which means that, against a generic level 1 creature, he will hit with spell attacks 60% of the time, and the creature will fail against 50% of the saving throws he forces it to make. Bear this in mind, it will affect everything I say later.

Light isn’t a combat focused spell, and considering the Pyro has Darkvision, it’s not really useful at all, except as a distraction. Show me a TTRPG player of any system who won’t see a glowing golden chalice on a pedestal and immediately try to pick it up.

Ask the players if they touch the chalice halfway through. It means you can enjoy watching them suddenly contort their methods to avoid directly making contact with it, and it will take their attention off their surroundings, allowing the Puro an advantage when sneaking up on them.

The statuette glows with a flickering light that illuminates this entire space. Golden, warm light, almost hot to the touch.

There’s no mechanical benefit to this (although if a player tried this, I would allow them to take the Create A Diversion action using their spellcasting modifier in the place of deception), but it would distract the players from taking the search action, and that’s some decent risk assurance.

Telekinetic Hand, meanwhile, is best used like the force. That is a role-playing spell, allowing the Goblin to feel magical if the characters engage with it. Maybe he lifts a drink to his hand from across a table or holds a book in the air in front of him so he can read and gesticulate at the same time. Alternatively, it can grab something off a high shelf or put something up there so it can’t be stolen.

The Goblin leans back in his chair and flicks his wrist. “Manus Liquefacta” You see that arm of his begin to glow once more, as an ember trails off into the air and begins to expand into the shape of a hand that floats idly beside him.

Ok, now we have the useful spells. These are the ones he will use most often in combat, and the most obvious of those is Ignition, a two-action spell that targets AC and has a critical hit function that makes my math more complex.

Each round, after a creature takes persistent damage, they can make a flat check to recover from the condition. It’s a DC 15 flat check, so there’s a 30% chance of succeeding. So, for the sake of math that doesn’t make my nose bleed, we’ll say that it will probably deal about 70% of the damage it could.

The length of the condition is assumed to be one minute, which translates into the game as ten rounds. At 1d4 persistent fire damage per round, that’s 25 damage if the effect runs its course, and 70% of that is 17.5.

So, with all that and the chance of succeeding I mentioned before, our equation for the damage of one strike is this:

Ignition: 0.5 * 5 + 0.1 * (10 + 17.5) = 5.25

That’s not a lot of damage, I will admit, but we aren’t done yet. Remember that this spell requires an attack roll, so it works with conditions like Off-Guard. This Goblin has a +7 bonus to his Stealth checks, so we can mess with that if we want to.

The expected perception score of a level 1 creature is +7. With the +2 bonus from cover, our Pyro friend has 65% chance of succeeding on his roll. That increases to 75% with greater cover and look at what that does to the damage of this spell.

Hide Then Cast Ignition (Cover): 0.65 * (0.5 * 5 + 0.2 * 27.5) + 0.35 * (0.5 * 5 + 0.1 * 27.5) = 7.04 Hide Then Cast Ignition (Greater Cover): 0.75 * (0.5 * 5 + 0.2 * 27.5) + 0.25 * (0.5 * 5 + 0.1 * 27.5) = 7.31

Before we put that on the graph. We need to take into account that this spell takes two actions, so the single attack options need to be accounted for.

That is a massive spread, but it’s the averages that matter. Theoretically, if everything goes well, this spell can deal 56 points of damage, but that is very much theoretical.

“Fides Ad Ignis.” Even whispered, the voice echoes against each of the columns in turn, sourceless and indirect. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck raise and turn in time to see the Pyro stepping out of the shadows to hurl a ball of flame like a discuss towards you. You throw up your defences, and by the time the fire reaches you, you have lost track of its cause entirely. That’s a twenty-four to hit.

Worth noting, since this is only this blog’s second entry, I’m still working on the formatting and even this graph specifically. Bear with me, I’m experimenting.

The final cantrip in the Pyro’s arsenal is Tangle Vine, which takes a little more fenagling to work out the efficacy. First up, it doesn’t do damage, it’s a mobility hampering spell. Best used as a means of escape, so it needs to be judged on a different scale.

So, let’s assume that the Goblin is a sphere and apply some baselines. The GM core tells me to assume a speed of 25, which is the same as the Goblin Pyro, so let’s go with that.

The Pyro has two options, either use all three actions to sprint the full 75 ft. Or he can only move 25 ft. and cast Tangle Vine. Limiting his own speed in return for a single round of movement penalties applied to his target.

In the below graph, the lighter circles represent the starting point, and the lower of the two darker circles corresponds with stopping to cast the spell.

The opponent meanwhile has three options that they can take, each dependant on the spell. First, the spell misses and they cover thirty ft., catching up with the Goblin and rendering their defensive spell moot. Second, the spell hits, and the target’s speed is reduced by 10 ft. As such, they only cover 45 ft., but they do still catch up with the Pyro. The third option occurs on a critical hit, which immobilizes the creature, limiting their movement entirely for the round.

Here are those three options on the map.

I think you can see where I’m going with this, but just to be clear, let’s work out how likely each option is to happen.

The Pyro has 60% chance to hit with this, that means a 10% likelihood of immobilizing his target. As such, the formula looks like this:

Tangle Vine 0.5 * 45 + 0.4 * 75 = 52.5

Not even accounting for the fact that an immobilised creature can just use an action to try and escape, this spell is not worth it as an escape option.

You see the Goblin’s eyes light up for just a moment as he draws himself to his feet. You hear him say “Manete”, and then feel your limbs begin to resist your motions, like something very hot is trying to latch onto you. Does a nineteen beat your armour class?

Most likely, this is a last stand spell. This is a spell for when the rest of the Goblin’s crew is trying to get away, and our friend is making himself the easiest target. In that case, his companions can use their full movement to escape, while the Goblin will use his turn to slow down the threat, and hope he has enough time to get away on his own, most likely in the opposite direction to his friends.

This spell has a range of 30 ft., so it is best used at the limit of this distance.

Alternatively, if the goblin gets reduced to half HP and the battle is still ongoing, he might throw out this spell before making his escape.

But that’s enough of the cantrips. The Pyro has three spell slots that can be used for either Grease or Breathe Fire, and we’re going to start with my favourite of the two.

Grease is a control spell. It messes with people and sets up allies by knocking anyone in its space prone. Since it takes an action to take cover while prone, that means any character who failed their save is off guard against everyone until they move.

Let’s compare outcomes. Because this is the support spell, let’s assume we have another Goblin who can move into melee. The Pyro will most likely be accompanied by Warriors, so let’s bring back our friend from the previous post.

Once again assuming everything is a sphere, let’s say that there is one opponent (level 1), and the two Goblins, who are both within 30 ft. of it and, for the sake of argument, hidden.

Here’s our first scenario. On his turn, the Pyro will cast Ignition and then hide, while the Warrior will emerge from hiding and shoot the target twice before ducking back behind cover. This is a simple equation, modifying the warrior’s formula a bit to account for a higher target AC and adding all the totals together.

Both Goblins Attack: 8 + (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.25 * 12.5 + 0.35 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 12.5) = 14.73

Alternatively, the Pyro can cast Grease, while the Warrior’s strategy doesn’t change. In that case, the Warrior’s second attack would be against an off-guard creature. Applying what I said earlier about likelihood of success, the formula looks like this:

Grease: 0.5 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.25 * 12.5 + 0.45 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 12.5) + 0.5 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.25 * 12.5 + 0.35 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 12.5) = 6.9

Notably, this tactic doesn’t work with just one other Goblin. But let’s consider a few more options. For the sake of space, here’s another graph.

Here, each +1 means a single Goblin other than the Pyro.

Once again, this is a dead end. So, let’s consider another use case, setup.

What if we combine this with the Light spell from before? Lay Grease on the ground near an entrance and Light on something shiny, then wait for potential targets to rush in and slip. Like I said before, fights go really quickly in PF2e, so running out of spell slots isn’t really an option.

As you reach the bottom of the stairs, you feel your feet begin to lose purchase on the ground. Apparently, you’ve stepped on something slick, like ice or oil. Everybody make either an Acrobatics check, or a Reflex save as you find yourself struggling to keep balance.

Theoretically, a character actively seeking wouldn’t have to make a check to notice the spell’s effect. But again, if I put something glowing on a pedestal, the likelihood of someone searching is diminished.

On the other hand, if a player searches for traps and subverts the Goblin strategy, that’s not a bad thing. It means the player is engaged with your world enough to want to look around and to try and predict things, and it allows that player to feel powerful without the need for special magic items. You’re playing this game to have fun, remember?

If successful, the Grease gambit would mean that the fight starts with a few of the Pyro’s opponents on the floor, causing them to waste multiple actions getting up, drawing weapons, and then moving towards the Pyro, essentially destroying the entirety of their first turn and possibly setting up the Pyro for the last of their spells.

Speaking of which, Breathe Fire is an area of effect spell with varying degrees of success. Considering the predicted save likelihood of 50%, as mentioned above, it is incredibly likely that the target will take at least some damage. Here’s the formula and graph for that damage against one person:

Breathe Fire (One Target): 0.45 * 3.5 + 0.45 * 7 + 0.01 * 14 = 4.87

This has the benefit of scaling directly with the number of creatures in the area. At two creatures, it outpaces Ignition with an average of 9.74 damage, and this continues with three or four creatures.

For the fun of it, the maximum amount of creatures who can fit in this area is seven. Here’s what that looks like on the graph:

You watch the Goblin rear backwards, breathing in heavily as he speaks the incantation. “Aetnae Ira!” His words trail into a scream as he breathes out an enormous cone of fire so hot it's tinted blue. I need you, you, and you to please make Reflex saves to try and get out of the way of this blast.

So, we have our strategy for the fight. Start with a Grease trap with a glowing valuable item serving as bait. Preferably with more Goblin Warriors by the Pyro’s side than there are opponents. Then, open with a Fire Breath while the trap is still in effect and its subjects are prone and trying to work out what’s going on. Then duck back into cover for a third action.

Spend the next few turns peppering opponents with Ignitions from a hidden vantage point.

If the opponents clump up again, the Pyro will use his final spell slot on another Fire Breath and assess the situation. Generally, if a target hasn’t been killed by two spells, the Pyro will take the hint and back out of the fight.

He will also flee if reduced to half hit points or fewer, or if half of his fellow Goblins are slain or otherwise removed from the battle.

For the greatest effectiveness, the Pyro will want to fight in as little light as possible to take advantage of the fact that his opponents can’t see. Also, fire looks cool in darkness.

Alternate Spells

Since most of this Goblin’s vibe is summed up by his spell list, so theoretically you could swap out all of the spells and make a Goblin Necromancer with next to no trouble. But I wanted to pick spells that fit the theme.

I am partial to the Forge spell, which would replace Fire Breath for a ton of single target damage that is especially effective against construct opponents, although I’m honestly not sure how many there are of those with whom the Pyro will come into contact.

Forge: 0.45 * 7.75 + 0.45 * 15.5 + 0.05 * 18 = 11.36

Obviously, it doesn’t match Fire Breath for multi-target damage, but Fire Breath needs three targets to beat this, so this is better for small groups or those that like to spread out. Of course, the Pyro can't decide what size their target is before they pick their spells, but they are aware of their strengths, which affects when they do and don't pick fights.

If the enemy flees, that’s still a victory, and generally all the Pyro has to do to start that domino chain is get someone on the opposite to seriously doubt their safety. If one person flees, their allies will probably join them.

As for Cantrips, I genuinely think Ignition is the best for this theme, so maybe replacing Tangle Vine with Eat Fire would be helpful. It’s situational, but maybe the goblin pokes himself with his own torch. He would resist all the damage he can take from it, then release the smoke to conceal his retreat. It ain’t prefect because he can’t see either, but it could definitely shake up a battlefield.

Conclusion

I am of the opinion that a creature’s worth is in its inspirational value, rather than any numerical advantage. The creature that makes you want to tell a story about it is more valuable to me than the heavily balanced boss monster with two voice lines.

As such, I like the idea of a Goblin who is also a fire mage. Fire is fun, and it can look phenomenal in the right situation. So that’s a plus to me.

I also appreciate the versatility of this stat block. You can replace every spell and get a completely different creature, and while I would prefer if it had an ability that made it stand out for itself beyond this, you have to respect the baseline.

If you have any suggestions for creatures you’d like me to cover, send me a message or put your suggestion in the replies or the ask box. I’d be happy to oblige.

All credit for this idea comes from the The Monsters Know What They’re Doing blog, I have simply ported the idea over to PF2e.

[timeturner-jay]

Timeturner-jay, thank you for your kind and detailed comments on An Unadmitted Defeat !!! The reason I haven't replied directly to your message is because I want to keep it in my inbox forever!!! Journey to the West and Lotus Lantern hold a special place in my heart and I love these wild and fun and volatile and lively characters that amplify things we're so familiar with - familial disputes, friendship, betrayal - into a cosmic, mythological scale. It's been a while since I could work on any of my fics, but this one is on extended hiatus. Though it really is another one of the many retellings of Lotus Lantern, one that focuses on Sun Wukong and Chen Xiang's relationship and training time. The core of the story is there, and the next part is up to Chen Xiang to save his mother :) I really wonder if Light Chaser studios or another animation crew is going to pick up something Lotus Lantern related soon. Thanks again, I'm so glad you could read this work and find joy and inspiration. I'll always be into JTTW and LL.

Awww, I'm really happy that my comments mean that much to you! :D You deserve them though - your writing is so heartfelt and lovely, and I haven't stopped thinking about it!

Fun fact, I'm re-reading chapter 9 of An Un-Admitted Defeat right now because I miss Sun Wukong and Chen Xiang's Sifu-Túdì relationship so much. :') That chapter was my favourite - Wukong just cares so much about this kid! And he teaches him so much more than just fighting. He teaches him how to read and write, how to listen to nature and recognise its creatures from sound alone, how to give aura to others and how to use it to create wards, how to play Go... And he also makes sure that this kid gets to have a proper childhood. 😭 He shows him how to do the perfect cannonball into the pond, he shares sweets with him, ropes him into a cricket fight, lets him play and make friends with the monkeys - and if he can present a lesson or a training exercise as a game instead, he does. He sees this kid who is so jaded and hurt and determined and traumatised and far far too filled with hatred for his young age, and he helps him be a child again and watches over him and soothes his nightmares, and I'm just so emotional over it. 😭 There's nothing he wouldn't do for that boy.

He'd even throw away his hard-won peace and fight Heaven all over again just to keep him safe, evidently. :')

I just care about them so much. The way you write them and their relationship is everything to me!

Hey guys! Go read An Un-Admitted Defeat please, it's really good and it owns my whole heart and I'll never be over the cliffhanger it left off on! 🙏

[ixcaliber]

Top 10 Games I Played In 2023 (Yes I Know What Month It Currently Is)

I barely played anything in the second half of last year and fell out of the habit of making these lists and then adhd kicked in. I’d like to go back to making little monthly media lists and I feel obligated to make some kind of 2023 Top 10 before I can do so… so here it is only five full months late.

10. Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon

Armored Core begrudgingly gets a spot on the list. Its sort of a frustrating experience for me specifically because while I really loved the fast paced dodge-focused combat a lot of other stuff didn’t click for me at all. I felt completely discouraged from exploration. I straight up did not gel with the equipment system and relied on Forgie to outfit my mech with whatever parts I had acquired. 

The dynamic between 621 and their handler is like so close to what I want from a game, but fundamentally unappealing because… it’s Walter. It’s some guy.

Look. Genuinely if this game allowed me to pick the gender of my handler it’d probably be my game of the year. Overall minute to minute I was having a good time but this is the least I’ve actually connected with a Fromsoft game. The only times I was really able to engage with it on more than a mechanical level was when Carla was on screen which just wasn’t enough of the time. 

9. Pseudoregalia

Pseudoregalia was my favourite Dark Souls game of the year and yeah I know how dumb a statement that is on the face of it (especially given I have at least one higher ranked Soulslike game on this list). But my favourite part of any soulslike game isn’t the combat or the big boss fights, its just the experience of exploring a cool and atmospheric location and Pseudoregalia does a fantastic job of this. 

Also yes I love Sybil and she is very fun to play and move as. 

8. The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog

The only Sonic game of 2023 that actually felt like Sonic. The playful tone and interactions between the characters made this a joy to play through. 

7. Chants of Sennaar

I think the name for this genre of game is ‘information game’. Consisting of games like The Return of the Obra Dinn, The Case of the Golden Idol and recently Botany Manor kind of does this as well. In these games you are given information that it is up to you to interpret and then asked to use that information, usually with some kind of notebook you can fill in to check your answers. 

I like this genre of game and yeah I like this one as well. While I do enjoy it I don’t hold it quite so highly as the others for kind of a complicated reason. 

In Chants of Sennaar you are climbing a tower, learning the languages of the various peoples who live upon the tower. At any point you can type in a guess as to what you think a glyph means and it will display this guess alongside that glyph whenever you see it. I think this works well as a system, the problem is you intermittently get shown a journal page where there are drawings of all the things that the glyphs you have seen could mean and you assign them to those images to validate them. 

The problem I have is like in comparison to Return of the Obra Dinn where you’re given the entire crew manifest up front, here you’re given word meanings shortly after encountering the glyphs they are attached to. The context of when you get the information changes the feel of the puzzles, makes them more simple to solve given that you’re not choosing from a large possibility space. 

All that said it is a fun game and I don’t know how you would work around the problem of verification without limiting the possibility space and simplifying the puzzles. 

6. Steelrising

There’s just something so compelling about clockwork automata and the trappings of Revolutionary France. I enjoyed the combat. I really enjoyed the exploration. I can’t think of any other Soulslike game that puts you into recognizable real world landmarks, and yeah I just really loved this one.

5. Coquette Dragoon

I need to catch up with Coquette Dragoon. 

The last time I talked about it I think I overemphasized the melancholy of this game. Maybe I was just in a weird headspace but I don’t feel like when I think back on it that that is the tone of Coquette Dragoon. The way I’d describe it now is soft. Soft with an undercurrent of sadness maybe. Soft that can’t escape being set in a real world with all the complications that come from such a thing, but soft nonetheless. 

4. Viewfinder

I wish there was a good term for puzzle games that sort of remind me of Portal. Predominantly first person puzzle games with a strong central mechanic, usually given to you as some kind of glove or gun or something and strong iteration on its mechanics. 

Viewfinder is one of those. The gimmick of this one is that you have a special camera that can reproduce anything it takes a photograph of in 3d space. 

It’s a fun game, the only criticism I would have is that the tool you are given is so powerful that it kind of feels like it trivializes many of the puzzles. Its like. Sometimes it sort of feels like if you were playing Portal but every single surface was portalable; it would be trivial to sidestep around the intended puzzle design.

This isn’t entirely a flaw though. Giving the player such a powerful tool and allowing the flexibility to use it is neat it just doesn’t necessarily lend itself to focused puzzlesolving. All that said, some of the later levels do increase in difficulty such that you can’t just brute force them with the same techniques you’ve gotten used to throughout the rest of the game.

3. Lil Gator Game

Lil Gator Game is a game about a little gator who wants to play a sort of Legend of Zelda LARP with his sister and pretty much every other kid on the island has been recruited into providing quests, monsters (cardboard cutouts) and loot (confetti). It’s a really neat little game that uses its setup not just to provide a fun experience but to say something about the joy of making and playing games.

2. Pizza Tower

Even though I’m bad at speedrunning through the levels as the game would really like me to, I can’t deny how well designed and fun this game is. With a great sense of humour and interesting mechanical variation in almost every level. This game somehow got me to enjoy boss fights with hidden extra health bars, which is saying something.

1. The Case of the Golden Idol (and The Spider of Lanka and The Lemurian Vampire)

I love information games. I love the deductive reasoning necessary to piece together these mysteries. I love the way the game builds some narrative elements in background, allowing you to figure them out at your own pace. 

The Case of the Golden Idol is just extremely good at what it does, its puzzles are pitched perfectly, providing you with enough prompts and clues to keep everything understandable and solvable, but never overdoing it and making it too easy to be satisfying. 

Look forward to Rise of the Golden Idol as my game of the year 2024 probably (unless Silksong actually comes out (it won’t)).

[scalpelandrose]

Premise: How many Laws are too many? While studying an enigmatic artifact recovered from one of their missions, the Polar Tang finds itself in cross currents of White Stroms, leading to the device being activated and transporting Laws from different timelines to the present. Sure, they are still Law, but what does this entail? (Will be multi-chap)

WC: 3.5K | Warnings: Canon x s/i OC, character distress, slight suggestiveness & spoilers for OP Chapter 1081

Intro Chapter

All was ordinary on the Polar Tang. Jean-Bart was reviewing Bepo’s revised maps and Isla’s sea condition predictions for the next 100 leagues to anticipate his navigation route, Hakugan was co-piloting, Shachi and Penguin were watching the radar for any abnormalities, Ikkaku was checking the pressure meters, Clione and Uni were maintaining the fire controls in the boiler room…yes, all was as it should be on the submarine. At least for now.

“What do you make of it?” Law asks Michelle, pondering the odd half-hourglass contraption they uncovered during the close of one of her investigation cases last night, concerning a prominent slave auction ring using a hospital as a mask. When upturning the place, a false bottom display case revealed the curious thing. Perhaps it was utilized as an ornate centerpiece or timer for deplorable events or a means to perversely manipulate aging or time.

Michelle taps her pen against a small pile of mythical stories and artifact identifying tomes in focused rapidity. “It could be a fragment of Kronos? I’ve heard the original artifact shattered and scattered itself across the world during the Great War, because the turmoil of that period was too great for it to absorb into its core all at once,” she hypothesizes, observing the sand-like amber folding and oscillating amongst itself in a seismic fashion, as if it was depicting a tumultuous moment in time, “I’ll ask Robin about it for more cross-referencing when I get the chance.”

The surgeon leaned back in his seat and nodded, “We know Pluton, Uranus, and Poseidon exist, so it’s not that far-fetched. What concerns me is that we don’t have a lot of information on what abilities it has as a weapon and what to do with it after.”

“Well, one answer is that it absolutely does not belong in a museum, with the kinds of pirates and government we have out there,” Michelle remarks. Law could almost hear the snickering glint in her eyes as the words left her mouth and felt one simmering in his chest. After another half-hour, the pair exhausted the resources they could find for the day and decided to call it a day and join the rest of the crew in the mess hall.

However, before plates could be removed from the cabinets, the submarine sharply turned on its starboard side, catching everyone off-guard and began aggressively weaving and barreling with the alarms being activated simultaneously.

“What’s going on, Hakugan?” Law falls behind the helmsman to evaluate the immediate situation with a sense of urgency and command.

“A White Strom just appeared from the sea floor!” the masked man grunts with an aggressive turn of the steering wheel on Bepo’s call that another one was forming below them.

“It looks like they’re almost joining together, like cross-seas,” Michelle comments, causing Isla to gasp.

“We need to get out of here now!” the polar bear mink exclaims, “If they start overlapping and crossing into each other, the conflicting waters from multiple directions will batter the ship, until we run out of power and drag us inside the strom!”

“Captain, do you think you can teleport us out of here?!” Shachi calls from the staircase to the lower decks, as Penguin and the others scurry to survey the submarine seals, distillation apparatuses, and electrolysis equipment. On cue, Jean-Bart hands Law a map appropriate to their approximated location, as Michelle syncs her vision with Erebus, who swiftly alternates between 3 portholes to scan the waters for the next few leagues.

“C4, E3, and F5 are safe,” the investigator declares.

“F5 has fewer trenches and is the second furthest from our projected route, Captain!” Bepo supplements, to which he was received with a nod.

“ROOM. Shambles.”

In less than a millisecond, a familiar blue orb expanded around them and enveloped the submarine, just in time before another White Strom cycloned underneath. A spectacle of brewing bubbles suddenly replaced violent cross-currents, signaling a move to safety, as the crew cheered and high-fived each other for another job well-done. The spirit of camaraderie grew infectious to where someone proposed they surface the Polar Tang for the time being and have dinner together on the top deck.

Curiously, the odd half-hourglass artifact found its way into the hall and caught Law’s attention when it hit his foot, as he was returning to the cafeteria. “It shouldn’t have rolled all the way here, even with the recent chaos,” he mentally notes. Upon picking up the hourglass, however, something triggered when his hands wrapped around the brass spires, causing the oscillating sand to freeze in place and foreign inscriptions to materialize. The surgeon let out a great yell, as the device flashed and ropes of emotions he experienced over his lifetime began to fill him all at once, that felt as if they were attempting to constrict his chest until it burst. He immediately threw the object away from his person, but the effects did not subside, with its gold light becoming increasingly blinding. Law’s grip on Kikoku was faltering and felt himself close to falling, if it weren’t for Michelle catching him. The rest of the crew soon followed after her.

“Are you ok enough to walk?!” she asks in panicked exertion, throwing Law’s arm around her shoulder, but he never got to answer, because something more perplexing occurred.When the golden light coalesced back into the half-hourglass shape, 3 familiar tall figures possessing the same character of steel eyes now stood before them, transforming panic into confusion.

“Hello? Wolf?” a youthful Law calls into his disconnected Den-Den Mushi, before sighing in frustration. He paused, realizing he was strangely relocated from the upper deck, and locked eyes with Michelle’s perplexed one, “Who are you and how did you get on my ship?”

“I should be asking you that,” she answers in quiet befuddlement at her lover in his teenage years. Yet, her mind was not in a state to start solving the reason behind the anomaly before her, being more worried about the current Law, who seemed to have made a miraculous recovery to both his and her bewilderment. “How?” she mouthed to him, to which he responded by standing to his full height, with his eyebrows furrowing in an expression of “I’m not sure.”

“Where are Ross, Lamia, and Lukas? I want to ask them about--” a middle-aged Law, with black locks cascading over his shoulder, lifts his gaze from what appeared to be a summary report. His mouth opens and closes, unsure of what to make of the scenario, before slowly asking, “Why does everyone look 20 years younger?”

“What I’m wondering is why there is an older version of me mentioning names I’ve never heard of,” another voice quips, belonging to a Law who seemed like he was pulled from 2 years ago. Quizzical rouge slightly dusts his ears, noting how tightly his 26-year old self was holding Michelle’s waist and pressing her body to his.

This didn’t escape Shachi, who elbows Penguin to bring attention to 24-year old Law’s expression, “Looks like we get to see him experience the crushing stage all over again.”

A grin spreads over the latter’s face in half-conspiracy, “Maybe we can give him some advice to speed things up a bit, for the sake of everyone’s two-years ago selves.” They felt an icy aura boring through their skulls from their present captain, who overheard the aside, but he didn’t have time to reprimand them, being more fixed on what time-space continuum violations entailed with transporting different versions of himself in one place.

Speechless would be insufficient to describe the level of disbelief the rest of the crew found themselves in. It was like an album tracking Law’s growth over the years suddenly manifested itself, but there was not much they could do and neither the present Law or Michelle could figure out how to fix the situation. After the investigator encased the artifact in a dream orb and sent it into her Dreamscape to prevent more unanticipated events from happening, the day was already coming to a close. Dinner was uncharacteristically quiet on the top deck, with the members looking from one Law to the other. Bepo was most effective at putting all Laws at ease, being one of his oldest friends. Any topic that the polar bear brought up, from new fish or geographical patterns they encountered in the New World to questions about the time they were pulled from were always met with a response. Shachi and Penguin made conversation with 18-year old Law regarding the adventures he’ve yet to embark on and pointers on how to make the future road smoother, which helped settle his wariness around crewmates he’d yet to recruit at his age.

When the atmosphere reached an awkward standstill, Ikkaku proposed they play music or a game of shuffleboard to lighten the tenseness, resulting in the Heart Pirates participating in an impromptu sporting tournament lasting into late hours. Feeling they should get some rest, Law and Michelle excused themselves after two rounds to prepare for tomorrow.

The Surgeon of Death felt a sensation of genuine relaxation wash over him, once he was alone with his lover, and they immediately began undressing each other to share a much-needed bath. Michelle opted to bathe him tonight, with concern for his well-being still lingering in the back of her mind, and he answered the few questions she had about what occurred with the hourglass, until she felt confident in his reassurances that he was alright. Law left first and thought to spend time waiting for Michelle with a book regarding instances of alleged time anomalies, until he was distracted by her early exit from the bathroom. She walked to the wardrobe in her usual militant way and let her body towel drop, causing Law’s eyes to darken with a beckoning temptation, but the investigator only looked over her shoulder and shook her head at him, pulling out the summer shirt he wore on Zou to don as as her pajama for the night.

Law’s lips curl in approval once she joins him in bed, as he wraps his long arms around her waist to aid her in straddling his hips, “You developed interesting nightwear tastes, Mi Xao.”

“Blame it on the provider of my interesting nightwear, mein Schatz. This ‘nightwear’ feels and smells too comfortable not to wear,” the investigator coyly leans in, laying chaste pecks on the Surgeon of Death’s neck, with playful inhales of his scent each time to prove her point, while massaging his stiff shoulders to draw a litany of relaxed sighs from him. Deciding she pampered him enough, he cups the side of her face and brings her in for a gentle kiss, until a brilliant follow-up to their word-play crosses his mind.

Chuckling to himself, he slides a hand under the fabric and gingerly caresses the skin of her back, making her melt against him, “Maybe the curator of your wardrobe has an airier nightwear design you’d like to try. What do you think, my rose?” But before Michelle could respond, an all too familiar wind rushed the bedroom and in less than a second, 46-year old Law materialized at the foot of their bed.

“Dammit,” Law cursed.

A dark shadow overcast the couple’s eyes, accompanied by a vein that popped on the left side of Law’s cheek in ire at his older self “Shambles”-ing into their room unannounced and interrupting his private time with Michelle. The stabbing aura from the couple’s unamused glare seemed to only be deflected by the older Law, unfortunately. “This is technically my room, so it’s not trespassing,” he justifies.

“...You could have knocked,” Michelle remarks with a bite, defensive that another man--albeit an older version of Law--caught her in an immodest state. As if on an inconvenient cue, the other two Laws pop in.

“Why?” Law (26) grits his teeth in exasperation. Although he knew he possessed a habit of teleporting himself into his quarters whenever he was exhausted, his other selves just had to choose an inopportune time.

“Where are we supposed to sleep aside from our room?” 24-year old Law dryly asks, though anyone else could sense the sarcasm underlining his relaxed posture.

Michelle’s eyes turned down in thought, “We have space in the observation deck or library where you all can rest. Even if none of you want to sleep right now, it’s quiet enough to work or read there.”

“Hm. I think I’ll take the observation deck. I need to sort out my thoughts about what happened first,” the older Law rubs the side of his temples—an understandable choice, as watching the deep usually helps Law (26) gain some perspective when he finds himself juggling many concerns or lost in thought.

“Wasn’t it only an observation room? It’s a deck now?” 24-year old Law asks in muted surprise.

“We rebuilt the Tang and added some extra features after Blackbeard destroyed the original at Winner Island,” 26-yr old Law answered as a clue to his younger selves and flicked his gaze to Michelle to provide the details.

“After helping an old shipwright expose his rival for framing him with money laundering and ‘site quality violations,’ he kept insisting that he pay us back for saving his business, so I suggested he expand the room and add floor to ceiling windows so it could be a place for the crew to come together and unwind that’s not far from the control room or launch bay. The windows are made with glass that can withstand Sea King and torpedoes attacks. You can also close them by pressing a button that deploys a metal curtain crafted from the same material as the hull, so it seamlessly blends,” Michelle adds with subtle excitement, being one to exemplify details. Yet, a brighter shine reflected in the youngest Law’s eyes absorbing in the upgrade details to his submarine. However, his face remained neutral, not sure what to make of this woman who would become his lover in the next 5-8 years.

“That’s…pretty ingenious,” 18-year old Law comments, with a barely noticeable upturn of his lips, “Was the old man happy with the adjustments when you told him?”

Law (26) makes an amused sound through his nose, remembering the Den-Den Mushi call, “He scolded me for modifying his design without informing ‘the inventor,’ but he was really indulging in our old style of conversation when I--we--were boys. Wolf was more happy than offended at the addition and said he was glad that Bepo, Shachi, Penguin, and I were doing ok since we left Swallow Island.”

The group shared a laugh, feeling the initial awkwardness stemming from having multiple Laws around in the same bedroom ebb away to where it felt as if they were having a casual sleepover.

“He never changes. When we returned to the North Blue, he was still wearing the same Hawaiian shirt, as always,” the older Law chuckles, pondering a bit before sharing an interesting piece of information with Michelle and his younger selves, “As a future note, remember to inform him about when you are making the nursery, or he’ll be irritated that he couldn’t invent a custom baby mobile on time.”

“N-nursery?” Michelle lightly exclaims. The other Laws were rendered speechless, having believed that they were not the type to be afforded the privilege to have a family, given the recurring pattern of tragedies in their lives. However, for the present Law, he was speechless for a different reason, having rediscovered various forms of hope since then.

“Baby…?” Law (26) whispers to himself, instinctively looking down to Michelle, who mirrored his astonished expression. Potential names had been discussed during aftercare a month before, but hearing confirmation that they would have a family of their own stirred a feeling of curiosity and relief. A baby…

“That’s all I’ll say for now. You can figure it out once you get there. Just remember to tell the old man,” the eldest Law chuckles, with a yawn.

That was Michelle’s cue.

“I think it’s about time to get you all set up for the night. We can continue the baby talks and maybe call Wolf tomorrow to see how he’s doing,” she gives a subtle nod to the youngest Law, knowing he was attempting to call the old inventor before being transported into this timeline, “But before you all go, come here.”

Law (26) reluctantly lets go of Michelle, so she could crawl to the edge of the bed and beckon the others towards her. Befuddlement and subtle shyness riddled the youngest’s visage, but 46-year old Law and 24-year old Law immediately understood her intentions.

From a crystal fragment that melted into iridescent mists of indigo and silver fog bleeding from Michelle’s hand, came a blue rose petal that she pressed into Law’s forehead on countless night to help quell his nightmares. 18-year old Law looked in wonder, before bending down to her height, when she gingerly held out her hand for him to rest his cheek on. All at once, a cool feeling of serenity washed over him congruent to a crisp breeze in an autumn forest, and his body felt free of its exhaustion from the past years. One by one, she did the same for each Law, with each desiring her hands to linger a just second more on their skin.

“Rest well,” she wishes to them, when they turn to leave.

This causes 24-year old Law to grin to himself, seeing that this part of her hadn’t changed, “Heh, will try.” An arched eyebrow was shot at him, communicating a silent demand that he and the others don’t stay up all night, but she knew he was teasing her. He was never irresponsible in the first place and this was how they privately interacted when they began getting comfortable with each other, after all.

A sudden peculiar sensation of longing began to echo inside Michelle to the point where the direction of the feeling was vividly tangible, pulling her inside a memory that she felt was hers, but never experienced. Following the line of the sensation, she met the watch of the older Law regarding her with unflinching saudade eyes, as he stepped out of the way to allow the younger ones to leave first. His lips pursed, as if desiring to say something, yet he refrained. On the other hand, sentimentalism and nostalgia were stirred watching the two younger Laws exit the captain’s quarters, despite not having met him until she was 17. Speaking of Law—her Law—noting hues of a puzzled far-away expression overtaking her face, discreetly embraced her from behind as a grounding gesture. The brush of his fingertips alone sent an alarming warmth through her, emulating the intensity of reuniting with a lover after many years, and she could not help but cling to his arms, as if her heartbeat would abandon her if he let go. This did not escape Law, who was ready to teleport them to the medic bay if she displayed any further discomfort.

“Is this another effect of the fragment of Kronos? The crew didn’t seem to have a reaction aside from shock…Wait. I’m not having any weird subconscious thoughts of having multiple of him around, am I???” Michelle scrunches her nose in mortification, waving off the absurd idea materializing in a comical thought bubble, “I’ll ask the guys if they felt anything off. They’ve known him since childhood.”

A familiar touch brings her back to the present, with Law pressing his forehead to her own. He sighed, relieved that her temperature was normal and brought a hand to gingerly cup her cheek. “You looked pale…paler than usual,” Law whispers in concern, “have you been feeling pinching in your chest again?”

“No,” she smiles, “Thankfully no. I think I’m trying to digest everything that happened today.” Michelle’s hands found their way to Law’s shoulders in a gesture of reassurance and gently guided him down onto their bed beside her.

They found themselves falling into a relaxed tempo with the detective threading her fingers through the surgeon’s raven locks, while he absentmindedly experimented the different ways they could entwine their fingers with her free hand. Yet, curiosity still nagged at the back of Michelle’s mind.

“Law?”

“Hm?”

“Have you been experiencing any weird sensations since the other versions of you got here? Aside from the surge of past memories and emotions, of course,” she breathily whispers, as her hands fondly trace his chest tattoo.

Gray eyes blinked from their content glaze and focused themselves on the brown ones before them. “I guess I’ve been experiencing some wariness…” he began, “and an unexplainable draw to reflect on the past and a future that I’ve yet to see. You?”

“I feel like I’m being sucked into memories that aren’t mine…especially when the other yous left earlier,” she answers.

Law pauses and multiple hypotheses immediately began running amok in his head regarding the artifact and the cause of Michelle’s earlier reaction. “The sooner we figure out the Fragment of Kronos and restore my other selves to their timelines, the better,” he sighs, finding his eyes wavering from exhaustion. He pulls Michelle close and rests his chin on the crown of her head, as his latent possessiveness begins to ebb to the surface, “Plus, I don’t like the idea of sharing you with my other selves, given they are me…and a part of me had always looked for you, even when I didn’t know what I wanted. But if anyone is to get through to the others, it’d be you,” he murmurs.

Affection only welled in Michelle, understanding that he meant to communicate how any version of himself will and would be inevitably drawn to her, seek to be involved with her, and cherish her above all else, to where she’d want for nothing—including the current him, if he was bested. But to the investigator, the Law in front of her mattered above all others, because he was hers. “Don’t worry, you are my Law and your arms are the only ones I want around me,” Michelle emphasizes by tightening their embrace, dissipating any what-ifs plaguing his mind.

Now, they were still uncertain about how to approach tomorrow—especially Michelle—given that some awkwardness in interacting with different versions of her lover was inevitable, but she decided that things will work themselves out, as they are still him, nonetheless.

-

A/N: Chapter focus will follow 18 yr old Law -> 24 yr old Law -> 46 yr old Law -> present Law & Michelle getting close to finding a solution -> Unexpected Lawrem (sin: holy tea needed) -> TBD

Tagging: @jazminetoad, @undercoverweeeb

[jutpa]

AU Guide

Note: While I am capable of answering questions in character for some of the characters (as I'm certain of what they've been through and I can use all that to help give hints as to the lore), I currently do not have the talksprites for any of my characters, with the sole exception of ALTSWAP!Sans and Papyrus, who have no talksprite.

To make sure I know which character you're asking, just put in the acronym for the AU, shown in brackets.

WALL OF TEXT UNDER THE CUT

EXTENDED SHIFT

An Undertale AU based on Storyshift, but with more characters to shift. The first shift's roles are:

Gaster > Frisk > Mettaton > Asgore > Gerson > Undyne > Papyrus > Chara > Mad Dummy > Gaster Followers > The Six Human Souls > Napstablook > Toriel > River Person > Alphys > Sans > Asriel > Ruins Dummy > Gaster

UNDERTALE - Retake

A collection of takes on certain AUs.

Fable of the Fallen (FotF)

An Undertale AU in which Frisk swaps with the six fallen humans, among other things. The areas are also inverted, meaning smaller areas like the Core and New Home have been massively expanded while more significant areas like Snowdin and the Ruins are a lot smaller...

It is heavily story-based and I intend to eventually make a sprite comic for it.

You can ask Chara, the Story Person, and Gaster questions.

????

The Deltarune counterpart to Fable of the Fallen. I'm not willing to reveal any information about it currently...

ALTSWAP (AS)

A very, very random swap take with some influence from Deltarune, although I doubt Deltarune could have possibly influenced me deciding to swap Gaster with Sans and Papyrus.

You can only ask Sans and Papyrus questions, don't worry, there's still plenty of lore there.

Pastlaw (PL)

The Deltarune counterpart to ALTSWAP. A secret-main boss swap fused with a chapter swap.

WARPEDSUN (WS)

A Deltarune AU based on the original version of Underswap. Kris swaps with the Vessel, Susie swaps with Ralsei, and the rest? Well, you'll have to wait and see...

AFTERMATH (AMX, see AFTERMATH Guide)

A very ambitious take on the post-neutral concept, seeking to create some form of timeline for every possible variant of the neutral endings, with the exceptions of the Dog and Dirty Hacker endings.

Currently, you cannot ask any characters questions. However, once I've got talksprites set up, you'll be able to ask all of the leaders (Toriel, Undyne, Mettaton, Papyrus, Alphys, all in their respective endings) questions. I'll have another post that just covers all the endings that are being covered so that it'll be somewhat easier for me to tell which timeline you're talking about.

SOULRIFT (SR)

How many reboots is it now? It's just a Papyrus-Frisk swap along with some more custom human-monster swaps and... finally... an official lore explanation for how monsters won the war.

Darkmyth (DM)

A lightner-darkner swap AU and the Deltarune counterpart to SOULRIFT. While SOULRIFT was mostly a swap AU, this one's a lot more focused on shifting roles, and is intended to have an independent story from Deltarune, as Seam and Jevil search for Ralsei in the transformed ruins of the destroyed Light World...

You can ask Seam (who swaps with Kris), Jevil (who takes the role of Susie), Dess (who swaps with Ralsei), and Kris questions.

VISIONSWAP (VS)

A take on DELTASWAP specifically inspired by Vision Crew's future chapters take. Chapter 1 swaps with Chapter 5, Chapter 2 swaps with Chapter 3, and Chapters 6 & 7 are both very confusing and probably going to be completely replaced with brand new things, given I've already decided on swapping Ralsei with... Hex, of all people.

Asriel swaps with Kris and Vi swaps with Susie.

SUPERSHIFT (+S)

My take on tripleshift or whatever you call storyshift but three times.

Basically just a side project, although I have a basic idea as to how the characters will be written. You can ask Frisk, Toriel, Asgore, and Napstablook questions.

REBOOT INCOMING, MAJOR LORE CHANGES WILL HAPPEN, DO NOT EXPECT ME TO ANSWER ANY +S ASKS RIGHT NOW.

Hosted on AO3.

[miloscat]

[Review] Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force (PS2)

More like Elite Dorks.

Created during Voyager’s heyday on TV, Elite Force fits squarely in Raven Software’s tradition of pushing the Quake engine to try and make more interesting and involved shooters. A few years before this was Hexen 2, and not long after they’d be doing sequels to Star Wars Dark Forces. Sadly they’re forever imprisoned in the Call of Duty mines now, but I’ll always remember them for their HD Wolverine game.

Anyway, Voyager’s a pretty cool show. The concept of this game is that during their jolly jaunt through the Delta Quadrant, the ship is sucked into a pocket dimension and has to contend with other unfortunates to escape their alien captors. What follows is a heavily Half-Life-inspired first-person blast-em-up with lots of alien buttons to press and alien lifts to ride.

The blasters: the new-for-this-game Hazard Team commando squad. The blastees: a nice variety of cuttlefish aliens, crablike aliens, mechabots, Borg (of course), and a scavenger faction that includes Klingons and a surprise appearance of TOS-era mirror universe Terrans. The blasting: an escalating set of sci-fi super-guns, using one of two universal ammo types. This means you’ll usually stick to one of two weapons, and the rest become just distractions to cycle through.

Hazard Team is Tuvok’s baby, but all of the Voyager main cast as of later seasons voice their roles here (the PS2 port does have Jeri Ryan as Seven, who was patched in post-launch for the PC release), and I must say their blocky forms do a good job capturing their likenesses. The team is led by a supposedly Australian man—according to the instruction manual and in-game bios—who nevertheless sounds decidedly American. Anyway, he gets assimilated by the Borg for some dramatic scenes later, so the player character steps up halfway through.

Alex Munro is their name, and I chose the female option... who gets erased in the comic adaptation and the sequel, sadly. Below them is a dizzying array of minor characters; they should perhaps have focused more on the core group who get the most screentime anyway (you know, the scared one, the jock one, the quiet one, and the girl one), but there is the opportunity for the player’s actions to have some kind of influence on things, as it’s possible for these AI squad partners to die in battle. In between missions you also get a few corridors on Voyager to spend downtime in and chat to your crewmates, or do holodeck training, which is nice, although this aspect is underdeveloped.

Although half of the game is the multiplayer deathmatch mode in a wide variety of Star Trek-flavoured maps, the fully voiced and modelled ship and crew gives the single-player campaign some oomph, and the cutscenes help make it feel more like an episode of the show. Although for some reason the Voyager theme is not present, only a cheap home-brand replacement! Still, the focus of the game is ultimately the shooting, which is... fine. Maybe I’m spoiled having been raised on Goldeneye and Halo, but the combat feels shallow and mediocre, undermining the decent attempts at alien variety, setpieces, and environmental interaction. Even so, I appreciated having a story-driven Star Trek adventure to play through, as the franchise has many ship combat simulators or strategy/management games that aren’t to my liking. Oh, also the game drops frames frequently and the load times are long, but what are you gonna do? As Janeway says, “There’s coffee in that Playstation 2.”

[crispycreativestudio]

Zeke’s role as the ship’s cook was one of the first the team came up with. Out of everyone, her character has the most inspiration from family. “In Becky Chambers’ Wayfarer series, there’s a wonderful character who’s the doctor/cook onboard called (appropriately) Doc Chef,” says Creative Director Kylan Coats. “Cooking has always been an intrinsically intimate act; providing nourishment for others to live. Doc Chef occupies a unique role of not only a preparer of meals, but also a therapist and general caregiver for the crew. That role, while not as action-packed as say a pilot, is crucial for long voyages and one I definitely wanted to have in our game. Zeke is named after his great-aunt Zera, whom his family called ‘Aunt Zeke’ or “Na-naw.” She loved to cook and was a wonderful character in her own right. Zeke is also inspired by the friends and extended family members who have left high-performing and high-energy careers in business to pursue more artistic careers like cooking; who feel they can do more good in the world by baking over entering law, like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character in Stranger Than Fiction. Regarding Zeke’s design, her standout bionic arms and backpack were inspired from illustrations by Josan Gonzalez.

“When I first saw the arms it clicked that our ship’s cook would absolutely have something similar. The visuals of an extra set of hands, and the self-reliance they implied, were incredibly engaging and uniquely sci-fi,” says Kylan. “From what I’d seen from my own family and friends, leaving high-energy careers behind didn’t mean the high-energy went away. Anyone who’s seen a professional kitchen can testify to their organized chaos. Zeke’s bionic arms are an extension of her need to always be doing something; maintaining a whirlwind of prepping and creating meals. It’s also representative of her desire to be self-sufficient; not relying on anyone else to do double the work another person would.” To be constantly busy means to live in the moment, leaving little room for reflection or contemplation. Allowing people to avoid confronting or dealing with issues is sometimes an accidental byproduct of this. It’s not uncommon to hear of people throwing themselves into work or hobbies following tragedies, and this is a core aspect of Zeke’s character. “Like the friends she’s based on, it made sense she would direct all of her energies outward, and those who are solely focused outward often do so to their own detriment,” says Kylan. “This led to Zeke’s bubbly attitude and eagerness to engage with the player and crew. The flip side of that is her caginess and subtle pivoting questions away when the attention is focused on her. It’s a really interesting dynamic to work with. Some of our narrative team have strongly gravitated to her character, which makes me feel like we created someone really authentic!”

But just who is Zera Hakkimirez? 31-years-old and a master chef, Zeke, as she prefers to be called, is a whirlwind of positivity and kindness aboard the hectic ship, offering warmth, food, and an extra hand (or four) for the rest of the crew. Like most of her crew, a childhood rooted in trauma follows her to every corner of the galaxy, with respite from her thoughts a rarity. But Zeke has her crew now, and a job to do. Using her duties and the wellness of her crewmates to distract herself from her anxieties and her past, Zeke keeps moving, keeps working, and stays busy. For Zeke, food has become the answer to every problem, and she uses her natural cooking talents (with the help of her bionic arms) to bring people together, because nothing breaks down barriers like a good feast and full bellies. Generosity, kindness, and an overwhelming sense of duty to help others are key tenets of her personality. When your crew is *this* crew, a kind heart and a caring soul on board is no bad thing.

[nellie-elizabeth]

What We Do in the Shadows: Go Flip Yourself (4x08)

I mean... absolutely hilarious in every way.

Cons:

This episode was relatively light on Guillermo, and I kind of missed having the Guide around, but honestly I don't have much I can really complain about! Oh, I guess even though Young Colin Robinson isn't my favorite part of the show, it was a little odd that he wasn't around for this, considering that it seems like the kind of boring show he'd be into as much as Lazlo. No acknowledgment that he also lives in the house was kind of odd!

Pros:

I just... I don't even really know how to articulate the cleverness of how this episode was framed and scripted and edited. It immediately sent me back in time to being a kid and watching shows on TLC, remember TLC? My favorite was Clean Sweep. Obviously now all this kind of thing is on HGTV which I don't really watch much of, but I still recognize the trappings of the genre. The editing, the logos, the way they'd show a misleading preview clip from the next scene after the commercial break, the intro song with the attempt at being bad-ass, played over clips of comically small renovations and stock footage of demolitions, the style of the interview, the moment of decision where we cut back to earlier moments of the characters considering their changes, the big "reveal" and how obviously disappointed they all were, the post-credits scene they all film for the purpose of getting like $1,200... I could go on and on. It all felt like a spot-on parody of something I wouldn't have even said I knew much about to begin with.

And then we get our plot twist, that Bran is actually Simon the Devious, who has created the entirety of this TV show, gotten Lazlo hooked on it, all to gain access to their home in Staten Island and steal back the cursed hat. I'll admit that the final scene where all this is revealed was a little less funny to me than all the parody stuff that came before, but I also think it's what will make the episode stick in my head later, and cement itself as a hilarious half hour. The sheer lunacy of the plan really shines through when you remember that the hat these two have been fighting over is in fact cursed and makes everything immeasurably worse for whoever has it. Simon immediately flies into a wall in bat-form once he has it. I feel like Simon's whole plan really speaks to the nature of vampirism in this world, the way you have infinite time to make some truly weird decisions and just run with them for as long as you need to. The gag where he lists all of his crew, the various vampires we've met in the past, really worked for me, as did Simon's continued disdain for Staten Island.

As far as our core cast, I love how even when the episode is focusing on this larger meta gag, we still get to see our favorites playing out their familiar roles. Guillermo is attempting to be devious and get something that he wants out of the bargain, once it's clear the vampires won't be saying no to the renovation, but in typical sad sack fashion he doesn't actually get the renovated room of his dreams. Nadja gets over-excited and acts impulsively, actually killing the co-star of the show before things get started, and has to use her hypnotist powers to clear things up for the crew and the viewers at home.

Marwa gets a prize for being the smartest: since she now likes whatever Nandor likes, she is really excited about Nandor's new wish for a "man cave," which Nandor definitely thinks is a place where he gets to hang out and get fucked by his guy friends, which is hilarious and perfect... anyway, she gets the "man cave" all set up and then locks herself alone in there, because since Nandor wants time alone in this room, so does Marwa. Honestly, that wish is the gift that keeps on giving. What you've basically got now is a setup where Marwa and Nandor have the exact same desires, but Marwa is just... much smarter than Nandor, and therefore is going to get her way more and more as time goes by. Genius! I love it!

As is always the case when I'm trying to write about this show, I really could go on and on in praise of its comedy, but describing jokes is never as funny as experiencing them yourself. So I'll just leave by saying my favorite gags were: Vampire Elvis, always a classic, and Lazlo's delivery of the words "New York Citayyyyy."

Can't wait to meet Guillermo's special friend next week!

9/10

[specialagentartemis]

@beast-glatisant said: what on earth is hopepunk

Good question!  It’s whatever people want it to mean.

More seriously, this is kinda long, but: “Hopepunk” is a term originally coined by Alexandra Rowland to mean “the opposite of grimdark”.  They expanded in this post, and later in this article. 

You may notice that the philosophy is incoherent, mainly boiling down to “the things I like are hopepunk and the things I don’t like aren’t.”  It builds a philosophy out of opposition to a strawman of “grimdark” that doesn’t really exist.  So hopepunk means you keep fighting for what you believe in regardless of what that is, and violence isn’t the answer, except when it is.  Hopepunk is about being kind and soft but also about punching the bad guy with the gun.  Hopepunk is a morass of FEELING REALLY STRONGLY ABOUT THINGS!!! without a fundamental core of... anything concrete.  A Song of Ice and Fire is usually given as grimdark, and the people fighting for a better Westeros and living their lives in the gaps of this Game of Thrones among the nobles don’t count because... idk, people like Rowland don’t like it, whereas The Handmaid’s Tale is hopepunk because even though it’s horrifically bleak it’s about fighting to make the world better.  That’s hopepunk in theory, and it’s frustratingly incoherent.

Hopepunk in practice is unbearably twee.  The goal is to be to inspire a feeling of hope in the reader, which means that nothing bad is allowed to really happen, characters aren’t ever allowed to mess up or be mean or have flaws, and any mistake is well-intentioned and quickly & easily resolved by talking about your feelings.

One self-styled hopepunk work I’ve read is a supposed dystopia where the Bad Guys are blandly evil and dystopian, and the good guys are all kind and sweet and gentle and understanding and Inspirational, and the setting’s dystopianness doesn’t seem to actually reach them at all because they’re too busy modeling perfect mental health coping mechanisms for each other.  It’s a 700-page long manifesto on self-care and The Power of Hope pretending to be a fantasy novel. 

Another is an exoplanet colonization story where a small crew of terraformers from Earth go to a new planet to start a new life... and it’s all about how they love each other and are supporting each other in this strange new world, because they are “definitely *good* people” (the writer’s own words)!  To the point where the narrative frames everything the characters do as supportive and good... including having absolutely no curiosity about the ecosystem they are here to terraform and all the living beings that already live here.  The animals who already live here are treated like dumb wild animals without any fundamental rights to their own planet, and there’s no consideration that they might be intelligent, might have feelings about humans coming in and stomping all over their world - it’s just never even considered by any characters that they might have a responsibility to understand and collaborate with potentially-intelligent aliens, even upon encountering alien whales and alien dragons.  Colonialism, but make it soft and queer and everyone doing the colonialism is just so nice to each other, and that’s hopepunk!

So anyone saying great things about hopepunk is, in my experience, 1) extolling basic storytelling devices that have been around forever as something new and brave, 2) making up their own definition to make it actually make more sense, or 3) focusing on the aesthetics of softness and hope and then creating something vacuous or even insidious.

This is why making fun of hopepunk is my hobby.

[insurrection-if]

Forgive me on this, but we have 4 doms (of which 2 are switches), 3 subs (of which 1 is a switch) and 2 real switches (for which I asked you to change preference for Fyodor (for which I am grateful)). No Fyodor no, you have to have more confidence in the MC (even in their head they would be a top (firm on this thing), they too are eager to please). It is also unfair to leave Niccolò (real switch) alone and among other things Fyodor can make friends with Niccolò.

（；^ω^）Aha, apologies, but I got a little lost in this message! Though, considering I'll be talking about bedroom preferences, I'll place that portion of my response beneath a cut.

Otherwise, however, on Fyodor and Niccolò being friends . . . I think they very much would have been great friends in another life, haha!

Or, rather, they still have the potential to be very close under the right circumstances, though Fyodor has grown a bit weary of his past adventurous chaos that Niccolò would no doubt wish to pursue alongside him. They're kindred spirits in many ways, shaped very differently by the nurture they received, and would greatly entertain one another for hours on end. (●ゝω)ノヽ(∀＜●)

Give them one night together in a bar or meet-and-greet and they'd likely end the night considering the other a long-lost brother, haha! (ノ＾ω＾)ハ(＾ω＾ )ノGabriel and Akil would have their hands full trying to manage (a.k.a. babysit) them as a duo though.

Alas, fate will not be so kind to their potential friendship as goodwill will come to breed the potential of fury and regret between them.

( •́ω•̩̥̀ )

On the MC also being eager to please, yes, Fyodor does need to learn to balance his view of give-and-take in relationships. When it comes to his close relationships, Fyodor has the need to give and give and give while refusing to take much in return due to a . . . horribly unfortunate childhood home that ingrained within him deep insecurities about his sense of worth when tied to love. (っ◞‸◟c) Fyodor constantly feels that he must earn affection, and that affection towards him is something that will wither if he is not endlessly proving himself worthy of it - especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

He is also considerably traditional, and wishes very much to be seen as a partner whose value is deeply intertwined with an ability to provide. This extends into his ideal of prioritizing the provision of pleasure to his partner in the bedroom rather than focusing on his own; even in a manner that may surpass the typical generous lover.

Fyodor by no means lacks confidence in the MC's ability to please him, far from it, but rather is plagued by the inverse when it comes to his insecurities about being able to please the MC if he is not absolutely putting them above himself. Time and its coupled build-up of trust and confidence in the relationship will aid Fyodor in reflecting upon his perceptions towards love and sex, but it will be a bit of a learning curve for him that will not take with immediate ease.

Really, among his core friends / found family, much of their warding over Fyodor's romantic prospects came from a fear and concern that his partners would very much take advantage of his overly-giving nature. (Especially considering the fact that their social crowd was not known for being up-standing characters, much less morally scrupulous.) They recognized his inability to say 'no' or verbalize his wants / discomforts to those he held an interest in, a pattern held since his boyhood, and thus became intensely protective over his love life - up to a point where Fyodor developed a reputation as unattainable due to the high standards and surveillance of his crew. (A case of good intentions, questionable execution.)

That, and Fyodor's desperate need to please his crushes to assure himself of their continued interest held an incredibly dangerous potential when paired with his gift. A danger that would be horribly exponentialized with a serious partner who had Fyodor blindly wrapped around their finger. ヾ( •́д•̀ ;)ﾉ

Anyways, apologies for yet another tangent! I just found myself rambling there, haha! （ ´∀｀）

I will note here that I am unsure as to what it being unfair to 'leave Niccolò alone' is referring to, and thus I apologize for my inability to provide a sufficient response to this comment. (*╯-╰)ノ